#despite - or especilly because it is - my best effort | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

n3ongold3n · 2 years ago

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The whole day i have worked on my thesis (even took a day off work because otherwise i couldn't have met the deadline - which i also didn't - fun!) and i feel so incredibly stressed, disappointed and dead inside from it. I need such a hard reset today, i don't think my sitting in the garden or going for a walk will cut it (i'll try anyway, no worries). I don't know why it is so. incredibly. painful for me to work on it. Maybe because i feel so very incompetent (which i am - or have become - no two ways about this), maybe because my technical equipment is all shit and i have to work with 100 workarounds. Maybe because my brain has become even more teflon-like towards the topic than ever before.

#just need to diary-entry this one to hopefully purge some of it from my system #my profs have /got/ to hate me - how bad can one be?#despite - or especilly because it is - my best effort #pa.thet.ic.#pray for me that i can finish this year :')#perso #not even fun and usually distracting things will work - i just feel sick and rotten and fearful #the meeting is tomorrow #did i even give them the time as an option? if so ... woof #it's worker's union meeting day so i shouldn't have #possible i haven't #but then i didn't react to the e-mail in which the date was suggested because i can ''do that later''TM #so i'm even more an idiot #god. it's ... hard to be forgiving to yourself #is all i will say

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