#forging belief

[poison-with-your-coffee]

Forging Belief

Chapter Ⅰ:

A Home So Crowded, Yet So Empty

To save on money, you accepted the offer to stay in your old childhood room with your parents and find yourself reminiscing only to be pulled back into reality.

You felt your stomach doing flips once you started to recognize where you were. Instinctively ducking your head away from the windows in case someone spotted you earlier than intended. When the car stopped, you peeked out and saw your old childhood home. Instead of the deep green with black trimming, it was painted light purple and white trimmings with hanging flowerbeds that sprouted lavender with lilacs leading up to the door.

You sighed. Guess Ma got her wish after all. "Thanks." You glanced at the driver and handed him the last dollar in your creased wallet, a crispy twenty-dollar bill you managed to snag from a malfunctioning vending machine. You hear the greedy voice hiss in the back of your mind of how foolish you are to rid yourself of the very thing that made this world go round so easily.

The man shook his head with a smile, "You already paid," he grinned, tapping his temple, "I wouldn't trade it for anything." He huffed, waving his hand to gently knock yours back away from him, "Now, best be on your way. I want to take my sister out for brunch while it's acceptable brunch hours. You understand." You smile softly, "Thanks, it means a lot." You placed the twenty back into your wallet as your smile shoved the greedy voice in the back of your mind. You waved to the old man, who grunted as you climbed out and pulled your bag from the car trunk.

You slung the bag over your shoulder, leaving one strap hanging without an arm accompanying it. You waved once again as the man drove away, leaving you alone at the end of your childhood driveway with your entire life upon your shoulders. Your melancholic thoughts only deepened when the door opened to see the shocked face upon your Ma. You didn't tell her you were coming, and part of that reason was to catch the slight disappointment on her face before it was covered up by the mask of happiness.

"Eel? Is that really you!?" Her voice rose into a pitch that sounded painful to maintain. Her heels clicked as she hurried towards you down the driveway, her sundress flowing perfectly in the soft breeze.

You felt your heart clench and fall into the dark pit that appeared in your stomach. "What the fuck did you call me!?" was what you wanted to yell at her, but all you could manage was a meek, "What.. did you call me?" You muttered, lifting your head to look at her just when she cupped your face.

"Sorry, sweetie, old habits." She smiled, her thumb gently pressing on your cheek to wipe away a few eye boogers you'd missed. That made you swat her hand away from embarrassment. "Good to see you too, Ma." You adjusted the bag and looked at the house. "Looks like you got busy. Dad wouldn't be too pleased about it." You trailed off when you noticed she was scratching her neck. "Wow. So you were serious."

That made her narrow her eyes at you, and her voice raised. "What is it with you and your father thinking I'm messing around all the time?" She shook her head and rolled her eyes. "So, you actually did, you got divorced." You couldn't help yourself.

You noticed a band of skin much lighter than her tanned skin, an imperfection she took rather easily. "So, who's the new guy?" Your Ma turned around. If looks could kill, you'd be dead twice over. "Why are you here?"

Her words cut through you like ice. "Because... you offered it to me?" She laughed exaggeratedly, yelling, "Five years ago! And you ignored me!" She scoffed, "I half expected that my letter was tossed in the shredder." She started towards her car and turned it on but didn't step in. You were about to walk over to her before she put her hand up that moved to pinch the bridge of her nose.

"I don't have time for this." Your Ma stated, crossing her arms as her lips pulled into a frown. You felt your blood boil, the words slipping from your lips, "That's cool," you shrugged, hoping your nonchalant display was masking your feelings, "you never did anyways." You regret the words the moment you saw the pain in your Ma's eyes the moment she registered them. She clenched her fists but crossed them over her arms, her fingers digging into her skin.

"You didn't even give me time!" Her crossed arms unfolded at her hips. "You want me to make time for you?" She threw the keys at you, making you stumble to catch them, "Make an effort." She opened the car door and got into the seat. You stared at her as she rolled down her window, "Meatloaf is in the fridge. Don't want that; there's soup you can heat up. You know where your room is."

She didn't let you speak as she began to reverse down the driveway; her window pulled up simultaneously. You watched her drive until she disappeared around a bend before you looked down at the keys with a heavy groan.

"Good going, Eel." You muttered bitterly to yourself before you turned and entered your childhood home.

The smells of fresh linen brought back childhood memories. You swear you could smell the gingerbread houses you'd make with your Ma, your tastebuds yearning for the taste of cinnamon after you devoured your hours of craft in seconds.

Your feet wandered to the kitchen, the memory of gingerbread guiding you. The fridge was decorated with various childlike drawings of stick figures in triangle or rectangle clothing and spiky green grass drawn by your once tiny hand. A smile appeared as you began to look at a few that your Ma made notes on. One of you making gingerbread houses with your Ma, one of what looked to be you teaching a class with your Ma's note; "best parent day."

Your smile faltered when you noticed that one of your drawings was much... smaller than normal. You gently pulled it free from the heart magnet and noticed it was folded to the back. The smile fell into a frown when you saw the entire picture.

The crease was at your hand holding your dad's, who held a long sword over his shoulder. You put the picture back before your fingers could tear it into shreds. The childhood nostalgia was gone, replaced by bitterness and resentment.

'Of course, he's gone!' That voice squawked in the back of your mind. You shook your head and knocked your hand against your temple to silence it. You looked upon the walls around the kitchen, dining room, and, hell, even the bathroom had pictures of you and your parents. That childlike wonder was captured in every moment and made still. You knew it was you with the big toothy smile and always waving at the cameraman, and yet, it felt as if the kid in those pictures had long since died, and that wave was less of a hello but a goodbye. So, you raised your hand to wave at the trapped boy in the photos and walked to your room.

Walking up the stairs, you noticed your mom left pictures of your first days on the wall. Starting from the first day you were born, the first day you had your tooth fall out, your first birthday with cake smudged onto your cheek and nose. Then your first days became school pictures with your Ma and father. From pre-school, you wore a broad smile, sitting upon your father's shoulders with your Ma resting up against his side, her hand on one of your ankles. Your eyes lingered on your sixth-grade picture.

Instead of clinging to your father, you stood next to your Ma with your father no longer in sight. The wonder in your eyes was gone, and the smile so effortlessly pulled for a picture looked like it took everything. The look grew more fake with each photo until you reached the second floor.

You furrowed your brow, pausing when you noticed boxes outside one door. Some even stacked on top of one another. You felt your feet move before your mind could process what was happening. As the door slowly opened, a single thought managed to slip out, 'Hey... isn't this my room?'

What should've been a nostalgic trip of seeing the walls of colorful graffiti, making your bedroom look like a mural. In specific spots with your favorite movie and TV show posters, the bookshelves filled to their max capacity with fiction, comic books, and manga: a few were not even removed from their sleeves. Your hand-made action figures of many fandoms are proudly displayed in your curio cabinet next to your life-sized plushie of a Sleeplax.

Yet, it was all gone. The walls looked to have repaired the small holes in the pushpins from the posters. Your walls, once unique and artistic in design, were replaced with a solid peach color. In place of your bookshelf, a desk with stacking letter trays held colorful paper, organized from paper shade to size to even strength. A book titled "A Dummies Guide to Origami" was perfectly centered on the desk.

Instead of your curio cabinet and Sleeplax stood a mannequin. You didn't break eye contact with it as you slowly opened the closet behind you and shoved it inside in one swift motion. You shuddered before feeling your tense shoulders droop before walking over to the bed pressed up against the wall. You pushed the boxes on the bed onto the floor before falling onto it with your eyes closed.

Your confusion turned into accusations and anger. Why would she get rid of all traces of you!? Did she really not want you here? Where did she put all your old things? Were they hurting her? Why? Why?! Why?!

You took a sharp breath before opening your eyes and felt the gasp that involuntarily ripped itself from your vocals.

Stars.

"Careful, boy." Your Ma's sweet voice came from below as you stuck out your tongue, concentrating on putting the star in the perfect spot, "I want you to see these stars, not any concussion stars!" She finished her warning before you slowly climbed down.

You clapped your tiny hands together before letting out an "It's done!" in a pitch a bit too high. Your Ma chuckled and patted the space next to her on the bed. "Come here, I wanna show you something."

You nodded, walking over and climbing up onto the bed. After a moment of struggling and an assist from your Ma, you lay next to her, both eyes looking up at the ceiling.

The moment the lights turned off, you couldn't help but feel the childlike wonder light up just like the stars upon your ceiling. "They're glowing mama! They're actually glowing!" You squealed out your excitement, pointing to a constellation, "The Little Dipper looks perfect!"

Your Ma chuckled and pointed to another constellation that you put together: "I like that one. It looks really pretty! Like a bear." She smirked at you, which caused you to gape at her: "That is not a bear; that's Leo! That is a lion, silly!"

Your Ma chuckled, pulling you close to her chest. You could feel and hear her heart beat in its steady rhythm, and it made you feel safe being so close.

"You know why I love stars?" the question made you look up. " Because they're pretty?" you asked. She chuckled, "Oh, that they are." Her voice sounded distant, and her eyes lived in a dream of whimsy.

"It's because they're safe, " she responded. You couldn't help but giggle: "Nuh-uh! They explode, Mama. Like boom!" You put your hands together and threw them out, landing on your back onto the bed. She couldn't help but chuckle: "Oh, you're very clever," she chuckled, ruffling your hair.

"You're right, but sometimes they disappear, even after they've been with you for so long." She looked away from the stars and out of the window, "and even though they traveled so far away... I can still see them burning bright without me."

You frowned, sitting up and tilting your head. "Are we still talking about stars, Mama?" you asked, making her turn to look at you. The glow of the moon lit up her face, and for the first time, you recognized that look as one of weary.

"Yes, my darling child," she smiled, pulling you close to her chest and resting her head on top of yours.

"I love the stars."

You felt a tear roll down your temple and into your ear as you recalled every constellation you and your Ma had created together, preserved and carefully protected under the renovations.

Did she still look at the stars in your absence? Another tear rolled down your temple and landed on your pillow. Does she still love the stars?

Pings: @sweetstephstuff, @deldemon84

and hello to you: Fay, Mango, and Ian 👋🖖

If you want to be added to the pings for the next installment, please ask! 🖤

Star Border created by @saradika / @saradika-graphics. Morpheus's eye border is created by me

[transcarcinization]

*waves hands* eclipses. you knwo

sources under cut

Quotes:

"On that day, many hopeless romantics became destined to a lifetime of searching for signals in the gamma-ray sky", A History of Dark Matter

"Do you have a human soul and can you prove it?", The long and short of it, Richard Siken

"Dear God / It is great the way you always get the stars in the right places." Children's Letters to God, Stuart Hample

"Things are similar- this makes science possible. Things are different- this makes science necessary." the dialectical biologist, Richard Levins & Richard Lewontin

"Hinc Itur Ad Astra", translates as "from here the way leads to the stars". Motto of Vilnius University

"Amid energies of the cosmos, you gave as good as you got", Eulogy from a Physicist, Aaron Freeman

"I know that / intimacy is not a clean thing; / it is difficult like this—covert / and common. Bare, as it should be: / someone says I want the mess in you / and you give it to them", Heed the Hollow, Malcolm Tariq

"For all I know, maybe everyone is screaming / as they go through life, silently," Don’t Tell Anyone, Tony Hoagland

"KL: Your honor I am here for a refresh. A renewal of self. I consider this act to be a poetic gesture and a birthday gift. I am ready for an update. An intervention into my life. I am here to be born again as myself, or at the very least, the most current version of myself. I am prepared to let go. To empty my cache. To refill the screen with the same information." Court hearing, Kristian Sue Lucas

Images:

Nasa: solar eclipse, multilength milky way, tycho's star

circuits archive (my love), Enterprise schematics, Franz Joseph, 1973

Other:

shoutout to this post for making me want to learn gradient maps, and @metronn for helping me find the episode where they show Geordi vision! Paintings are referenced from this screenshot (sorry for pinterest link i have no idea what episode this is)

[scootersscooter]

It's a shame Grace Chasity is an evangelical Christian because the way she interacts with her faith truly does read as a Catholic teenager when they're taking their confirmation classes and feel the need to overcompensate or play up their faith to receive validation or be viewed as a good person because at that moment in time everyone in their life feels like they're constantly scrutinizing their every move or trying to drag them towards temptation, even when normally their own beliefs or actions do not naturally manifest in that way.

[imminent-danger-came]

MK: "We don't have any other option! We have to trust him." Red Son: "*laughs* Great speech noodle boy! Super motivational!"

(2x00 Revenge of the Spider Queen)

-

Red Son: "*laughs maniacally* I, Red Son, will bind the powers of the celestial artifacts with Spider Queen's own venom, save my father, and reforge the world as I see fit! *more maniacal laughter*" Mei: "Red Son that was amazing!" MK: "Such a good hero speech!" Red Son: "-Villain speech! And perhaps my best of all time!"

(2x00 Revenge of the Spider Queen)

-

Lady Bone Demon: "Save your hero speech child—I've existed long enough to know when it's over. MK: "You still think that the universe really wants anything, from any of us?" Lady Bone Demon: "Don't you?"

(3x14 Destiny Fulfilled)

-

Sun Wukong: “ENOUGH! I’ve never let anyone dictate my destiny in the past, and I’m not about to start now. None of us are! We can’t change who we were yesterday or in a past life, or a hundred life times ago! We live with the choices we’ve made, for what matter is the choices we make RIGHT NOW! Only we decide who we are and what we do with the power we have!”

Curse MK: "Nice hero speech bud! But I know better—deep in your hearts, you don't believe a word of that."

(4x07 Pitiful Creatures)

-

Hero speech.

[silverspadesss]

idk if any of my d20 followers also watch arcane but deli and colin are becoming sooooo jayce and viktor coded

[thessaralka]

literally every dragon age game has led to the solavellan ending for me. i just replayed the entire series this year and i now want to do it again 😂 they all had deep impact on veilguard. morrigan, varric, the inquisitor. bioware did such a good job.

I'm extremely critical about taash's line where they literally say "I'm a person not a woman". That was a disgusting way to phrase that and the fact that it went through so many hands and made it to the final game without one person going "wait this sounds bad" is very weird to me. Taash also equates womanhood with wearing dresses and whatnot which is very strange bc women and femininity are NOT the same thing. I do understand what message was being sent, that taash believes they are neither man nor woman, but a neutral actor (I was on Tumblr in 2014 I lived thru and helped craft the forging of non-binary identity politics, as a former sjw, and briefly identified as nb before I realized it was based in me equating womanhood with femininity and that me being a woman has nothing to do with me being feminine or masculine or both), but that was straight up pandering and insulting. there was also another message being sent that women and people are different that went over the heads of the writers and devs and I'm very surprised that even made it in the game because it is vile.

But it wasn't enjoyment breaking for me and thankfully I was able to give the devs grace citing ignorance, and still enjoyed taash's character a fuck ton.

[imaginarianisms]

🖤 for misa about light ??

attractiveness:

repulsive / hideous / ugly / not attractive / unappealing / not unattractive / meh / no preference / ok / mildly attractive / nice looking / cute / adorable / attractive / pleasant on the eyes / good looking / hot / sexy / beautiful / gorgeous / hot damn / would tap that / perfect / godlike / holy fuck there are no words.

personality:

grating / irritating / frustrating / boring / confusing at best / awkward / unreasonable / psychotic / disturbing / interesting / engaging / affectionate / aggressive / ambitious / anxious / artistic / bad tempered / bossy / charismatic / appealing / unappealing / creative / courageous / dependable / unreliable / unpredictable / predictable / devious / dim / extroverted / introverted / egotistical / gregarious / fabulous / impulsive / intelligent / sympathetic / talkative / up beat / peaceful / calming / badass / flexible.

how likely they would have sex with them:

not if they were the last person on earth and the world was ending / fuck no! / never / no way / not likely / not sure / indifferent / I’m asexual / maybe / probably / it depends / fairly likely / likely / yeah sure / yes / would tap that / hell yes / fuck yes! / wishing that could happen right now / as many times as possible / we are already having sex.

level of friendship:

never in a million years / worst of enemies / enemies / rivals / indifferent / neutral / acquaintance / friendly toward each other / casual friends / friends / good friends / best friends / fuck buddies / bosom buddies / practically the same person / would die for them / true friends (eventually, over time) / my only friend. (eventually, over time)

first impression of them:

i hate them so much / i don’t like them / i don’t trust them / they annoy me / they’re weird / I’m indifferent / meh / they seem alright / they’re growing on me / truce / I think I like them / I like them / I’m not sure if I trust them / I trust them / they’re cool / they’re genuine / I think we’re going to get along / I really like them / I think I’m in love / oh fuck they’re hot / I love them.

current impression of them:

i hate them so much / i don’t like them / i don’t trust them / they annoy me / they’re weird / I’m indifferent / meh / they seem alright / they’re growing on me / truce / I think I like them / I like them / I’m not sure if I trust them / I trust them / they’re cool / they’re genuine / I think we’re going to get along / I really like them / I think I’m in love / oh fuck they’re hot / I love them.

send 🖤 and my character will answer about yours; specify. || ALWAYS ACCEPTING || @prodigum.

[energyprison]

Always a fan of ascended mortals in the pantheon

[butmakeitgayblog]

Aw babe, your stories are awesome, of course you have followers from around the world (like this humble lawyer from Chile).

That being said, you think I’m gonna worry about legal terms(I used to do it with movies and tv now I’m just “fuck it” and enjoy it)? Like, I’m gonna go all Dra.Polo on you:

I’m still flattered you got worried there for a sec that I was gonna be all 🧐 on your work.

My two cents about the ADC smoking debacle, girlie only got caught in social situations (parties/holidays) and people are going off like she’s this Homer footage:

Can’t they let a grown ass adult make grown ass decisions by herself? 😤

Ooohhh, and you went all bettlejuice on the drumsticks anon and now some of my nightmares are back 🫣

I always worry about trying to speak specifically about the minutiae of professions that I know nothing about cuz I know, and have now confirmed with you, that someone in that field is gonna read it 😅 and then, even tho you are very kind, I still know it's like "mhm mhm... mmmkay this bitch doesn't know what she's talking about" and you're riGHT! You are right, but I'm also too lazy to research it that hard. I'm just trying to get to the parts where they kiss 😔. But it's fine it's whatever I make up for ilmy sins in professor au where I actually do know what in talking about at least lol

And about drumsticks anon, I just hope they're ok. Splinter free and happy 💕

[omaano]

I wouldn’t have been mad if this was the first or second episode of the season tbh

[anaalnathrakhs]

yui and hinata from angel beats are soooo queerplatonic to me

[poison-with-your-coffee]

Forging Belief

Prologue:

An Invitation To Your Insecurities

One day, you opened your mailbox after an exhausting day at work. You retrieved an envelope that smelt of a familiar acquaintance back from your youth. In careful, flowery calligraphy was an invitation back to your sleepy hometown.

A high-school reunion.

You looked down at the envelope in your hand, your lips creasing into a frown. You couldn't help but breathe in the scented letter another time.

The iris's sweetness complimented the cherry blossoms' subtlety and the florality of the heliotrope. To tie it all in a package bow was the cleanliness of the aldehydes that prevented the perfect scent from being too powerful or too bland: a true goldilocks.

The person behind the scent was someone you were not excited to see. However, it did make sense that a diva would find a scent that matched her quintessential flawless life.

"Well, that's a loaded story in your hands." The taxi driver's eyes were peering at you in the rear-view mirror with a searching look. You couldn't help but shield the invitation like a young boy caught looking through a Playboy magazine. "What's it to you?"

The driver gave a low, gruff chuckle, "Pardon me for the size of my nose," he turned on his blinker to enter the highway while making a final adjustment to his rear-view mirror, "In my line of work, I have come to value the green paper less and less." You noticed he was looking at the invitation with a gleam, "Stories are priceless entertainment, and I prefer those over some lousy tips anyway."

You couldn't help but smile, "A fellow bargainer?" He let out a raspy chuckle that only years of smoking could achieve. "The kids love a good story, especially about those Scabbards!"

"You like the Scabs?" You asked the man, who raised an eyebrow. "I only answer loaded questions when I get context." He wasn't very subtle, eyeing the envelope like a kid on Christmas.

"I don't know... it's personal.." You muttered awkwardly, looking out the window to see the various cars fly by. The driver let the silence drag on for a few minutes before clearing his throat. "If you tell me your story, this ride is on me."

You looked at him, sure that your mouth was on the floor. "But Sir!" you exclaimed, "It's already been two hours and still two to go! You know how much money you'd be losing with an offer like that?"

The man chuckled simply, "I told you before that stories are priceless. They are the fuel to keep me going."

"But what about gas?" You questioned.

He simply shrugged, "This chunker is vegan anyway; it needs that special charge treatment rather than ol' reliable." He looked back at you in the mirror and gave a bushy eyebrowed wink, "A bargainer recognizes its own."

You felt your back fall back into the seat, a little overwhelmed, but the creases on your lips lifted, and you couldn't help but smile.

"It's a high-school reunion." You started, causing the man to let out a "ho-ho!" of laughter. He didn't interrupt, even turning down the radio to let you explain.

"I graduated from Mountain Ridge Academy about..." You blinked and muttered, "God... has it already been ten years?"

The man chuckled, "Time really sneaks up on you. Mountain Ridge, you say?" He grabbed a piece of gum and stuffed it into his mouth. You didn't ask to bum a piece since you recognize it to be Nicorette gum. "Say, isn't that where most of them Scabbards graduated a few years back?"

You nodded, "About ninety percent were Scabs; I wasn't one of them. I wasn't cursed to be one."

He let out a mixture of a scoff-laugh. "Cursed? Now that answers your side of the loaded question." You couldn't help but feel offended, "I don't hate them! Besides, to be a Scab means to be cursed! I enjoy being completely human."

The old man chewed on the right side of his mouth while he listened to you vent your frustration. "I never said you did, friend."

You couldn't help but scoff, "I guess you were a shrink in your day, too, then?" He smirked, proudly tapping his chest, "I'm a taxi driver, right?" His easygoing demeanor melted your anger away.

You sighed, "It's just.. they are so.." You frowned. "Passionate? Motivated?" The man asked. You let the words bounce around before letting them mull over.

"I.. I guess so." You looked down at the envelope, "They all seemed to have an intense drive, ready to make the world theirs." You frowned, "Guess it was easy to feel superior to us."

The man hummed, "I believe you have a lot to look at yourself." You crossed your arms, "What does that even mean?" He didn't answer that question, but he did answer another.

"I believe what you call Scabs are not as privileged as what you may have believed then and possibly do now." He smiled, looking at the envelope once more before fixing his eyes on the road, "Maybe this reunion is exactly what you need."

He turned up the radio and shut off his taxi meter.

Note from Morph;

This story is heavily inspired by the game, "Boyfriend Dungeons" with my own twist, characters, and even different lore regarding the "Scab[bard]s".

This story is my take on a genderless y/n structure and a romance that will explore various different types of relationships. The person behind this account is three gay rats in a trenchcoat, so read at your own caution.

No smut. Only angst.

If you wish to keep up with the story, please ask for an @ in comments. Thank.

Pings;

(Banner made by me)

@sweetstephstuff

[vampirepuppygirl]

You know, I grew up catholic and never experienced catholic guilt, and it still kind of confuses me

When I went to mass, the readings and the gospel were always just life lessons or stories to make you think, and what it wanted you to think about was usually humility and piety and loyalty and faith and stuff like that

Faith formation was mostly about learning the history of the church and important stories that you should remember, plus prayer memorization

I don't ever actually remember a time where they were specifically like "you must feel guilty about this" or "everyone by default deserves to go to hell and you must constantly prostrate before god to be deemed worthy"

It was "everyone sins and everyone drifts away from god and that's okay because he will never abandon you"

It was "Jesus died for your sins. To liberate you from them so you're no longer beholden to the old way, so you're no longer beholden to original sin, so you can have a clean slate without ceaseless penance"

The sin forgiveness cycle that Catholics kind of get pulled into was always described to me as a liberating cycle. It gives you the freedom to sin and the freedom to make mistakes as you bumble through the blind chaos of life without worrying about perfection or damnation

Even when I went to confession it wasn't just a blanket "don't do it again" it was "think about why that is a sin and let that experience teach you something."

If I know anything about catholics it's that they love rules and they love the pursuit of knowledge, I once had a very long conversation with a priest about why a certain rule was a rule and why a certain sin was a sin and it was a lot more complicated than just "god said so," even if I can't remember the specifics anymore

I don't know, maybe it was my specific diocese or I've just been around a lot of liberal priests or something, but I even had someone tell me basically word for word "As long as you follow the ten commandments and use the seven virtues as a framework to guide you, you're set. Use confession to scrub away the sins you can't avoid and that's it. Nobody is without sin so just do your best and that's all anyone can ask of you."

Primarily, what growing up catholic taught me was just the importance of love

Love your family, love your neighbor, love a stranger, love the Earth, love nature, and fundamentally love yourself. And forgive yourself. And be patient with yourself. Because I was taught that everyone sins and that's okay.

And that's okay.

I was taught that seeking absolution and forgiveness is meant to steer you in the right direction, yes for the ultimate goal of heaven, which was defined to me as Oneness with God. And hell was defined to me not as a multi-tiered demon filled demiplane of fire and brimstone and ice, but simply the state of separation from god.

But it wasn't just about salvation it was also about making the Earth we live in now a better place and they are rules specifically to facilitate good communication and good relationships with other people and yourself, and obviously God (but whatever.) It was always basically let God absolve you of your guilt but don't force yourself to feel guilty if you make a mistake.

I don't really consider myself catholic anymore, mostly because of other people, catholics and protestants who use their religion as a tool to spread hateful rhetoric and become their own personal left hand of God, instead of using their religion to spread love and patience and understanding and forgiveness and tolerance and all of the things that they actually fucking preach. Why y'all throwing stones huh? Y'all ain't without sin. Literally nobody is. That's the point.

But I like what I was taught. I use what I was taught a lot. Technically even if I don't consider myself catholic I still am. I have been confirmed, I could waltz right into a catholic church confess my sins and my doubts and have a long conversation with a priest and boom blank slate once more. There would be penance hoops I would have to jump through but that's literally what happens with every confession, so still

But that's always what confused me about Catholic guilt like

What were you taught?

[thedragonagelesbian]

inconsolable about act 3 kirkwall crew tonight..................

[wickedzeevyln]

Capital Seed

No one can love a tree of success more than the person who planted and nurtured it since it was a seed. For the person knows that for the seed to grow as a tree, he must achieve growth himself. Many people in life can only appreciate a tree once it stands mightily. Some are fortunate to inherit such trees but will never understand the sense of fulfillment that goes with growing one. In life,…

[mozki]

after spending several formative years in a two person funghi-worshipping cult with a self-proclaimed shaman i really struggle when normal people talk about mushrooms in any impassioned manner, foraging or god forbid growing at home. its not their fault. it is really really cool and beautiful. alas they now feel intrinsically tied to completely losing myself so that a man i thought was magic would keep loving me and it made him hate me ! so i cant help but wince a little ! shit is so crazy !!!!!