#forever catching Ls

[godisasimp]

Aww he's so sweet while I'm beating him up like the loser he is

[according2thelore]

I’ve been devouring your ES/LS verse tags, and you know what i can’t stop thinking about? How purely ESdean loved ESsam. Like. My baby bother can do nothing wrong. You killed that guy? Guy must’ve done soemthing it’s ok. And how that was absolutley ripped away from Sam by season 4, and he never actually got it back. Not from his POV. In Sam’s mind I’m pretty sure he knows Dean loves him- but it’s part obligation, part history and pattern, and part *in spite of* all the shit. Not the same kind of absolute devotion he grew up with until Dean died (of course it is, but not to Sam). It can’t be. Not after he didn’t save Dean from hell, the demon blood, the voicemail, Lucifer, the amulet, soulless Sam, purgatory, etc etc.

And now. Now. He’s gone esDean right THERE. A Dean that still loves his Sammy the way lsSam thinks he’s lost forever. And lsSam didn’t even know how much it hurt to lose that until he’s looking at it. Like he’s been bleeeding out for decade about it and n it even really noticing. A brother who loves him- absolutley- is back. Is right there. Is looking at him the way he used to. Before Sam ruined everything.

Holy shit how bad does that fuck up lsSam. I don’t see how he wouldn’t become obsessed with esDean. And I mean obsessed. Wanted to be around him all the time. Just soaking up what he thinks he doesn’t have anymore and can only have fire little while as a reprieve. I cannot emphasize the obsession.

To the point where lsDean notices. Like. Really notices. Because he never actually stopped being devoted to his brother, and Dean? He’s never experienced Sam being obsessed with someone else. Not ever. He thought he had- Stanford or ruby- but that wasn’t the same. That wasn’t this. That wasn’t Sammy staring at someone with all the love he has for Dean and soemhow even more stars in his eyes. It has to drive lsDean insane. Insane insane. He grew up to be a mean sob, and this is pushing every Sam button.

I caaaaaaant. An insanely depressed and fucked up laSam being based with the younger Dean, while lsdean froths at the Mouth.

Chefs kiss.

GAHH!!!!!! this is beautiful!!!! everyone stop what you're doing and read this!!!!!! i love the way you phrased this @bickbickbarnes, and i am frothing at the mouth reading it over and over again!!!!

i wrote just a little thing about this--i hope that's alright!! your (totally on point) description of their dynamic really captured why i love LS!Sam/ES!Dean sm!!

AN: i fucking lied this thing is 1.3k words...i hope you like, lol!

-lizzy

"woah!" dean shouts, and sam jumps a little. he whirls around, and younger dean is running up to him, eyes wide. his arms are thrown open, machete dangling casually from his grip. he punches sam in the arm when he finally catches up to him. the smile on his face is blinding. "sammy what was that, man?"

sam drops his own machete to the side. he's still heaving for breath, having just decapitated a vampire that ran at him. older dean and sam are standing off to the side, and sammy notices his younger self gawking at older dean with something...heavy, something hot, in his eyes as dean hauls one decapitated body over his shoulder to start the pyre.

"what?" sam asks, looking back down at young dean. he looks down at the body and nudges it a little. did dean think he didn't cut all the way through the neck? the body jiggles.

"that was so fucking cool." dean crows, and sam turns back around to look at him, taken aback. dean is grinning so wide that it closes his eyes. he shakes sam's shoulder. "grandpa!" dean calls, and older dean looks over with a scowl. "that's how you do it."

"oh." sam's chest feels tight, and he feels hot creep across his cheeks, up his neck. "thanks."

dean is still patting him on the back, and sam hasn't been praised like this for taking out a vampire since they first found out they still existed. sam jostles under dean's arm.

"'thanks'--" dean repeats, scoffing, and raises an eyebrow at younger sam, who's scowling. "humble, too."

"whatever." sam spits, and stalks off. sammy doesn't take dean's arm off of him, expecting him to move it, but he doesn't. not for a minute.

~~~

"i knew you could do it!" dean snatches the book out of sammy's hands, and sam's chest feels weird--tight--as dean beams down at the page. they'd been researching werewolves all afternoon, and sam finally found a passage in urdu that mentions the strange scales they've been finding at the murder sites. dean squints at the words like he can read it at all, and nods. "my geeky little brother never loses."

dean states, dismissive, a sarcastic grin on his face like he's mocking him.

"uh--" sam starts, trying to find the footing in this conversation. the praise is casual--purposefully degrading--but it's praise. older dean hasn't blinked at sam finding a clue--in any language--for...god, years probably. they've just gotten that good.

dean peeks a look up at him, and sam is stopped by the strange look in his eyes.

"tried to strangle the inner nerd with those things--" dean gestures at sammy's arms with a casual hand and a raised eyebrow. "--but you couldn't." dean looks up, and his smile is quiet and softer. his tone is admiring. "man."

dean shakes his head and looks back down at his own book--written in english--with a bottom lip cushioned around a pencil.

sam folds his arms, conscious of them again. that's been one of the biggest sticking points for younger dean: sam's size. strangely, sam suddenly wishes he was smaller. small enough that dean--this dean--could do...something. sam can't put his finger on it.

it had been a long time since being with dean felt like this, since the tension was full and heavy and warm. it feels like long drives and quiet silences and shitty whisky passed back and forth under the table.

sam's breath catches when he realizes...it feels like home.

being with dean always feels like home, but this feels like sitting back down in the childhood bedroom that sam never had and letting the mom he never knew pet through his hair and tell him it was always going to be okay.

the world is so strange and terrifying and smaller than sam had any right to know, but dean--this dean--nudges his foot under the table without thinking about it.

he loves him in the way that children love things--without equivocation, without years of betrayal and revenge and torture and nightmares.

it's dean.

sam nudges his foot back, and greedily drinks in the pinkness on the top of dean's ears.

~~~

older dean wipes blood off of his jaw, and sammy helps younger sam off of the floor. the kid is fine, but younger dean immediately takes the burden of him, sliding under his arm like he's always been there.

sammy notes that older dean's eyes track the kid, too, and sammy rolls his eyes. he's fine.

the cave they're in is dark, and sam can feel the damp like a cool sweat on his skin.

dean clears his throat, "okay we need to split up, i say--"

"i'll take dean," everyone--including sammy--is surprised, when he speaks up first.

sam shifts his arm over dean's shoulder, and pushes sweaty bangs off of his forehead.

"don't you think we should split experience levels--" he starts, but sammy cuts him off with a finger.

a finger pointing at the man under his arm.

"i meant dean," sammy says, and sam straightens, shocked out of the performance of needing dean to stand.

"yeah," younger dean says, straightening too. his eyes are bright, and his smile is so satisfied that sammy finds himself smirking, too. "he meant dean," dean says, glaring at older dean. sammy pats him on the shoulder, hard, and dean obediently follows after him as they split up.

"don't worry, i'll protect you." dean says, after a while, young voice echoing over the cavern walls and reverberating in sam's skull. sam wishes his internal voice sounded like this, instead of...sam shakes his head to clear the thoughts.

he looks down at dean, whose chest is puffed up. it's all play-acting, and they both know it. dean looks up at him, and gives him a slow once over that makes sammy have to swallow, hard. "don't think i could human shield you, but...i'll do my best." dean smirks.

sam punches him in the shoulder, and then has to kneel on the ground as the hit takes dean to the floor, apologizing profusely.

~~~

"shit, man," dean hisses, and squats down so he can press a rag to sam's head. sam freezes, shocked by how close he is.

sam is forty. this kid is twenty-seven, but he pats at sam's cut and coos sympathetically like he's tending to a child. sam knows his head wound must gush again, because all the blood in his body rushes to his face.

sam had been cut by a piece of glass but it was shallow, and the slice had been clean.

"that was nasty. are you okay?" dean asks. sam stares at him.

dean's eyes are green, and his freckles stick out on his skin. fuck, he's gorgeous. he's so fucking gorgeous.

his lips are plump and pink, and his eyes are soft and round. it's disney princess shit. sam blinks up at him, and feels like he's fourteen again, and this boy could fix every single thing that's wrong.

his mouth is dry.

"who was the centerfold model in the '89 playboy i kept in my bag?" dean asks.

"reneé tenison" sam mutters automatically, dazed, and dean's face splits in a shit eating grin.

"i always knew you read it after me." dean crows. but he still pats sam's cut like he's porcelain. "dirty bastard."

sam nods. fuck. he'll be anything.

"let me help you up." dean sits back on his heels, and sam obediently raises his arms, palms up. he's being babied. he's being babied.

~~~

"dean--" sam leans back, book open in his lap, and older dean looks up. his gaze softens when he catches sam's eye, having been glaring and muttering down at his record player for the last hour and a half. he's gutted it on the table, and is fiddling with wires because he's not going to pay some some man-bun yuppie $700 to tell me what i already know.

"yeah?" he asks, clearly relieved for the reprieve.

sam winces.

"no, sorry, dean--" he points at younger dean, slumped over the couch in the library, flipping through the hunger games with a rapt expression.

he snaps to attention, dropping the book on the floor and denting the cover. "oh! yeah?"

sam holds up the book in his lap--a catalogue of the weapons storage room.

"i found it." he grins.

dean scrambles off of the couch, almost sliding up to sam like someone slides into home plate.

"DUDE!" he snatches the book out of sam's hands and reads it rapidly. he looks down at sam, beaming. "your brain scares me." he gives sam the book back, and tries not to look interested as he asks, slowly. "do you think we could--"

sam looks down at the open page. the kitsune death sword. it was said it could peel the skin off of people that looked at the gem on the hilt.

dean's excitement is contagious, though, and sam can feel his own grin spreading. he looks back up at him.

"it's on the fourth floor."

dean is already running out of the room, and sam scrambles up to follow him, the distant "fuck yeah!" of dean making sam sputter with laughter.

he doesn't notice the expression on older dean's face when he leaves.

~~~

"GAH!" dean almost drops the ladle into the pot of mystery soup on the stove. sam leans in the doorway of the kitchen, having been observing his quiet puttering for a few minutes. "jesus. sorry. you're big. i mean--" dean holds out his hands, dropping soup on the floor due to the ladle still clenched in his fist. "you're here. WHICH IS GREAT. sorry, you're big."

his cheeks are bright red, and sammy tries to arrange his facial features into sobriety.

"yeah, i am." sam says, somber. "big and great."

dean sucks on his teeth, pink up to his ears, and leans back over his soup, muttering.

"brat." he admonishes, and sam snorts. he walks the few steps into the kitchen to lean against the counter next to him.

"what're you doing?" he asks. the soup smells okay, but sam can see cut hot dogs swirling in it. his stomach churns.

'i found a recipe book from the 40s and they have something called a 'triple meat sundae.'" dean says, holding up the card for sam's perusal. sam takes it from him, and reads the truly terrifying recipe list.

"that is...horrific." sam replies. marshmallow creme and barbeque sauce??

"figures you're still a snob." dean rolls his eyes.

"a snob with functional arteries." sam reminds him, putting the recipe card back by his elbow.

dean is silent for a long second, looking at him with warm eyes.

"bitch." dean says, tentative. hopeful. it almost sounds like a question. fuck. sam hasn't heard that in a while. in a long time. not since dean wore that necklace everyday like it was the best thing to ever happen to him.

sammy's eyes fall to it now, the mark of ownership clear to him in a way it had never been before.

"yeah." sam says, chest full of loveyesmine. dean's face falls, slightly, and he's quick to correct. "oh--sorry--jerk."

dean nods, hiding his grin behind the ladle of his radioactive soup.

~~~

"you didn't come to bed last night."

sam sits up, and sees dean--older dean, sammy's dean--looking down at him. there's a cup of coffee in his hand, and he puts it down next to sam's elbow. sam takes it gratefully.

he's been sitting at the war table all morning, and realizes his shoulders ache.

"hm?" he takes a sip of his coffee, and tries to un-kink his spine. dean is wearing just a henley today, and sammy admires the way it pulls across his chest as he crosses his arms.

"you didn't come to bed." dean says again. it takes sam's brain a second to process it.

he had been sneaking into dean's room--their room, really--for the past week, as sleeping alone had become irritating and exhausting. his own room had become dusty and felt barren in dean's absence.

they'd been trying to sleep separately for the sake of their younger selves, but agreed that what they didn't know didn't hurt them, as long as they didn't do it every night.

"oh. yeah. sorry--dean wanted to watch the sopranos finale. we couldn't find you or sam so we watched it in the dean cave." sam snorts, remembering the look on his face. "you should've seen him, he--"

"i know." dean cuts him off abruptly. "we watched that finale together in 2008. remember?"

sam looks at him again, brought up short. dean looks...

"oh. yeah. sorry." sam mutters, leaning into dean's leg because the sudden emotional distance has him on uneven ground.

"sam and i were in the archives. like you asked us to." dean says, lowly, and it has a bit of rasp from clenched teeth. sam sits up straight. oh fuck. he had asked them to find the file on that norse battle axe, hadn't he?

"oh, shit." he puts the mug down, and wraps a hand around the back of dean's knee. he rubs a hand over his own face. "sorry, it's been...a lot."

there's a hand in sam's hair, and sam leans into it shamelessly, relieved that he's been forgiven for this, at least.

"yeah." dean says, but his voice is still tense. "i know."

~~~

the door is closed. and both sams are in the library. so no one is there to see it. or hear it.

but if someone was walking past the door to storage room 14C, this is what they'd hear:

"--back off." the voice is tense. low.

"back off? you sound like the old man." a scoff.

"i'm only telling you once. we can't fix this shit yet, but you gotta stop hanging around him all the damn time. he's not your sam."

"why? you feelin' threatened?" a taunt. "your dick not workin in your old age? sammy want--"

a slam. a crash. something gets pushed to the floor, and things scatter across tile.

"i'm telling you. to back. the fuck. off."

"you can't hurt me." the words are choked.

"i can't kill you. there's a difference." rubber soles on a concrete wall, like someone is kicking at it. fabric rustling as a body is pushed up a wall. "it's a biiigggg line. huge." the voice is a growl, but the threat of violence is gleeful. excited.

something drops to the ground. heavier this time, and someone gasps for breath. footsteps walk to the door and almost exit, when--

"i can tell you i'll stay away all i want. can't stop him from coming to me."

~~~

older sam takes great care to ice younger dean's knee that night, and coos over his black eye. younger dean won't tell him what happened, but leans out of sammy's gentle touch when older dean walks by and asks what happened.

older dean fucks sammy through the mattress that night, so deep sam feels like he's going to choke on it. and sam wears the bruises for days.

he loves it.

[lw77]

Fade into Me (LS x F1 Driver)

Ch. 2 - Hallmark University

He’s looking out towards the waves from inside the store, imagining the softness of the sand the waves lap at. Willing his toes to remember the feeling, but all it does is make them curl uncomfortably inside his sneakers.

He could go out there and feel the soft crunch of give from the sand and the soothing coolness of the water as it laps at his skin. Before the shop’s patrons begin wandering in.

But there are people already. Surfers – people who used to know him. He can see their slow excitement at dawn patrol, growing higher like the rising sun.

He can see their wayward looks towards the store, like they know Logan’s there and he’s always there. Gazing at the sight they make at sunrise for him.

He imagines himself there like he used to do many summers ago – board in hand, looking back to wave at his Dad as he quietly opened the store. A thrum of excitement, a wave washing-in soaking his ankles, running in the ocean, paddling, lining-up and catching the first waves of the day– an endless summer. And, only coming back at the sight of his brother’s blue Jeep and his relentless honks.

When Logan tells Dalton this, the feeling of dawn patrol, an endless summer, something he can have forever. His brother agrees, there is something endless about the water, our very own inverted galaxy, he says. And Logan, like a dutiful younger brother, teases him, asking if he read this in his big-boy books from his degree at Hallmark University.

But his old friends have long since stopped trying to get him to join in, knowing Logan will excuse himself stating he needs to help his Dad, since Dalton’s away at College and retreat into the shop.They let him shuffle around the proverbial and literal ghosts on his own. Because it's been years since the road that took Logan’s brother has played host to bouquets and candles.

As the sun rises, the crowd changes. It's now families with rambunctious kids who have to be wrangled into life jackets and floaties by flagging parents as the now high bright sun mocks them.

It makes something heavy churn inside Logan, memories of his own childhood unbidden flash at the sight. He wants to look away but he knows inside is filled with even more memories ready to tear into him. The wall is adorned with family pictures. The same beach he looks away from now, stares back some odd-years ago when everything was good, his brother’s arm a solid warmth over his thin shoulders, protecting.

It only makes the churning-feeling worse and he has to hang his head, look down at the now splintered white counter and breathe before he can raise his head again. He avoids looking at the wall for now. It won’t bode well for him in town gossip if another shopper sees him like this and he gives someone else a shock, like he did with Charlie.

When Logan looks up, he’s met with a stranger’s stare. Logan wonders how long he was lost in his head to have missed the newcomer, who looks at him with his startling-blue eyes. For a second, relief flashes through Logan as he realises, it’s a tourist and he’s safe from the ire of town gossip for now.

Gathering himself and brushing off the knowledge that a stranger witnessed Logan’s daily war with being stuck between his head and skin.

He clears his throat and asks, “Sorry, didn’t see you there! Is this your first time here?” he smiles at the end but the stretch of it is uncomfortable. It makes his skin buzz and he feels his ears heat with embarrassment. Blessedly, the stranger just looks at him, and gives a quiet nod.

Logan, overcome by some unknown force, begins to ramble, “Well you came at a great time, there are lots of swells now so if you're into surfing it's great anytime really – morning, afternoon or night. Or even for swimming. Jetski. Wakeboarding! Tubing! Or even sunbathing!” Logan awkwardly rubs at the back of his neck trying to calm himself, trying to stop his train wreck of an interaction but all he manages is a weak trailing “...so do you?”

“Do I sunbathe? Not sure with my skin, it's highly recommended.” It makes Logan tear his eyes from the aisle he’s attached them to since he began his frenetic monologue. He looks at the stranger who has a wry smile now. Like he knows exactly how Logan is feeling but still letting him flounder. He’s definitely not from the coast. Thankfully, the stranger follows it up with a quick quip of, “Yes, I do all the others. So thank you: for all your helpful suggestions.”

Logan being the reason for this man’s quiet amusement feels two hot coals where his cheeks once were. “No problem! So is there anything you were looking for that I can help you with, other than things to do here that is.” Logan asks, attempting to will some coolness into his face so he’s not some frantic tomato shouting suggestions again.

The man slides a chocolate bar and a pack of energy drinks across the counter, “just these for now” Logan quickly and quietly rings him up, his flustered flurry not lost on his new patron, who chuckles as his receipt is promptly slid over to him.

The stranger leaves as quietly as he came in, a simple take care thrown over his shoulder, and finally the door shuts behind him. Logan deflates and groans.

Maybe it was fear, embarrassment or relief that made him act this way. Fear of being caught as the main star of town gossip again, embarrassment at being caught living in his head or the relief that none of it mattered because it was only a tourist, a stranger. Maybe if Charlie caught him like this, red-cheeked and rambling, it would soothe the town-fuss over him, because it was like the Logan they knew was here. And not the ghost they've come to accept in his place.

But it's a brief thought and Logan is thinking about the man again, and the way his stare felt as if he saw through him, raw and open. The way his skin still buzzes, like he has a wool sweater on. And, how he can feel his heart inside his chest, beating – alive.

[quit-125]

Love at first sight-sharky

You and chunkz have been good friends for a while now, and eventually, he introduces you to beta squad, but will it go as planned?

You were right outside chunkz house,he invited you over so you both could brainstorm ideas for his videos. You knocked on the door, waiting for him to open it. "Hey y/n! Thank you for coming over! Come in!" Said chunkz. As i went in, i saw four boys all watching a movie. "Ah, sorry about that, i forgot to tell you they were here, dont mind them." Chunkz said. You smiled as he offered you a drink. You didn't mind the fact that there were people, but one of them caught ur eye. He had beautiful brown eyes, and you couldn't help but stare and lightly blush. "Hello? y/n? Are you okay?" Chunkz said. "What? Oh yeah, im okay, but uhm, who's the guy with the durag?" I said, trying to sound normal while i was actually a nervous wreck. "Oh, that's sharky. Why are you asking?" He said. "Oh, just curious..". You tried avoiding eye contact since you knew if he mentioned sharky again, you would instantly blush. "Oh, okay, i can introduce you to them if you like?" Chunkz said. I was over the moon. i honestly was more than thrilled to meet them, especially sharky. For some reason, every time someone mentions his name, it makes you have butterflies in your stomach, and you would get lost in your own thoughts. "Sure!" You said. As you stood there awkwardly next to chunkz, you couldn't help but give sharky a smile as he did the same. They all introduced themselfs to you, and you guys instantly became friends. You and sharky exchanged looks at each other, but you didn't really talk to him that much. Often, you would catch him staring at you when you were talking with the others. After a while of talking to the others and brainstorming with chunkz, you decided to head home.

Sharkys POV:

I only knew y/n for a few hours, but she was absolutely gorgeous. i couldn't help but get lost in my thoughts whenever i was looking at her. Her smile,her eyes,her hair, and everything about her were beautiful. We would often make eye contact with each other from time to time, which made me think about her even more. As i realised she was about to leave, i wanted to ask for her number, but i was too much of a coward to do so. I felt aj slap my arm "come on man dont be such a pussy go ask for her number already its not that hard." whispered aj. He was right. I made up some fake excuse to leave and go outside and just before i saw y/n get in her car i said something to get her attention "hey uhm..y/n could i ask you something?" I said. I felt stupid after asking her that question and wished i never went outside and stayed with the boys. "Sure!" She said as she smiled. I instantly smiled back. i could smile at her forever if i had to. "Uhm, could i get ur number by any chance?.." i said as i scratched the back of my neck. "Of course!" Said y/n. I was quite litterally shocked. No girl has ever said yes to giving me their number she was the first one. As we exchanged numbers, she gave me a kiss on the cheek as she drove off. I couldn't believe watch just happened. I knew she was the one for me.

Hey guysss! This is a short lil fanfic i thought of, and i thought its kinda cute💗🤭 i hope you like it as much as i do!! @shuuuuush @vctrvn-ls

[porosenoksposts]

the pathos of s1 izzy hands. being in love with your stupid sexy best friend for forever and never being enough. and you are not even smart. or funny. my boy couldn't catch a break from taking Ls god bless

[kaleidoscopicvariegated-blog]

I have a crush (I can’t remember when I wrote this but I just logged back into this app and I found these words here as I was about to relay my excitement for this new crush)

Hilarious

Anyway. I recently broke up with someone I thought was the love of my life. And. I thought this was my true love my actual forever. My first love. And like many stories and tales about first loves I thought this would be my forever love. I thought this story of two girls who found themselves in the middle of a chaotic village in rural north west and started dating after 3 days would be a tale I would go on to tell many.

Unfortunately, or fortunately that story had to be cut short. And I write this with total despair and almost sadness because the realisation ls thr have come out of this now expired love story feel like a betrayal. I feel like I betrayed myself. I left myself in a situation that was so intense and so abusive and so unlike me that I almost almost lost myself. Yes I know I eventually found myself and gave myself wings and set myself free from what is probably the biggest kind fuck of my 20s. But damn I almost lost me.

I almost lost me to an idea of what of what loving someone wholeheartedly and unconditionally. I almost lost me to an idea of choosing someone everyday. And idea of wanting so bad to not discard someone because of their traumas and experiences. I so wanted to heal that person, to be their safe space so much so that I wasn’t a safe space for myself because of the abuse I allowed. I knew some of the shit I was going through wasn’t ok.

I sat there and figured, bekezela because love is compromise and love is hard. But shouldn’t have had to be. Love should be kindness and compassion and thoughtfulness. Love is reciprocation and none of those were ever reciprocated for me.

I wish myself a live that doesn’t leave me doubtful, uneasy, second guessing or even torn between my thoughts and feelings.

Back to my crush.

He also about my day. No one has asked about my day in so long. Yhoooooo I’m getting emotional because no one has cared enough to ask about my day in 3 years. This crush is exciting. But it feels so surreal because sometimes I catch myself having flashbacks of my past love. And I know it will take time to forget but wow. I almost want to wipe the memories away like I’ve wiped all the pictures and videos and evidence that there once existed a love like this.

I wish my heart healing. I wish my heart the strength to open up to someone new and give them a chance. I wish my heart love, unconditional love, love that has healthy boundaries but love nonetheless❤️

[our-flag-means-love]

welcome back to elliot's autistic-about-music corner.

here's a comprehensive list of boygenius lyrics that have been helping me get through this bc goddamnit i need anything rn.

"$20":

it's a bad idea and i'm all about it / give it one more chance and then i finally had it

the renewal efforts, obviously. it's a hail mary but it's our one chance.

mama told me that it don't run on wishes, but that i should have fun / pushing the flowers that come up into the front of a shotgun

poison into positivity. weaponizing our ability to be polite menaces and our ability to have hope.

may i please have twenty dollars / can you give me twenty dollars / i know you have twenty dollars / i know you have twenty dollars!

me @ zaslav. especially the screamed one.

"emily i'm sorry":

this one's extremely personal to me so i'm not highlighting anything specific but just know that it's this whole song.

"true blue":

you already hurt my feelings three times / in the way only you could

the ending of s1, the wait for s2 renewal, the cancellation.

i remember who i am when i'm with you / your love is tough, your love is tried and true blue

the fandom <3 we persist.

you've never done me wrong / except for that one time that we don't talk about / because it doesn't matter anymore

me if it gets renewed for s3.

(continued under the cut)

"not strong enough":

i tried, i can't / stop staring at the ceiling fan and / spinning out about things that haven't happened / breathing in and out

bro i am so anxious about this whole thing bro.

"revolution 0":

i just wanna know / who broke your nose / figure out where they live / so i can kick their teeth in

the broken nose is the cancellation and this is me @ zaslav again.

"leonard cohen":

leonard cohen once said / "there's a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in" / and i am not an old man having an existential crisis / at a buddhist monastery, writing horny poetry / but i agree

we have hope. we have a chance. the light can get in.

"satanist":

mortgage off your soul to buy a dream

what it feels like we're doing right now lol.

will you be an anarchist with me / sleep in cars and kill the bourgeoisie

once again, with feeling: fuck zaslav!

"we're in love":

(first of all, i would be remiss in not shamelessly promoting my fav fic i wrote last year here.)

you could absolutely break my heart / that's how i know that we're in love

cannot convey how much the cancellation news broke me. that's because i'm in love with this show.

some october in the future / i'll run out of trash TV / and i'll be feeling lonely

no matter what happens, this show will end, and when it does, i'll miss it dearly.

damn, that makes me sad / it doesn't have to be like that / if you rewrite your life, may i still play a part?

this whole thing.

"anti-curse":

well uhh really it's this entire song so just go listen to this song and yeah it's all of the lyrics. i will highlight this one tho:

writing the words / to the worst love song you've ever heard / sounding out the foreign characters / an incantation like an anti-curse / or even a blessing

all of the letter writing, emailing, commenting.

"letter to an old poet":

you're not special, you're evil / you don't get to tell me to calm down

me @ max/wbd.

when you fell down the stairs / it looked like it hurt and i wasn't sorry

max/wbd taking Ls left and right.

i can't feel it yet / but i am waiting

hope.

"afraid of heights":

i kid you not, the day the news dropped i listened to this song like 20x on repeat during my 2 hour work shift bc nothing else was helping.

i replied / "i don't wanna live forever / but i don't wanna die tonight"

we're not going down without a fight.

if they ever catch you at it / i know you'd want me to be proud / that you took a rich man's dream / and brought it with you on your way down

fuck zaslav!!!!!

how it hurts to hope / oh, it hurts to hope for more / oh, it hurts to hope the future will be better than before

fuck, lucy, it sure does.

[soft-jihoonie]

Hi! I hope you’re doing well? I’m doing pretty alright myself, and I'm having lots of fun answering your reply to my ask 💓 Don’t worry, I understand! Life is pretty busy for me too (and I don’t always have wi-fi either) so no rush 💕 I just reached out to the admin to make sure that my ask arrived safely, since Tumblr really can’t be trusted hahah

I hope you got to spend your holiday in a good way! 💫

Oh, is that so? Still, I find that amazing - to be able to do it for such a long time and even moving to get to work with it… I’ve never met someone who does circus so I’m very impressed ✨ Do you still do circus related things at times or have you completely left it behind? Oh, and I’d love to hear you sing someday if you’r okay with it! ❣️ What songs do you like to sing?

You’re right, working and being a kpop fan takes way too much time so I can’t really focus on my other interests that well either 😅 When did you start writing fanfics, and what was the first fandom you wrote for? Do you have a favourite out of the ones you’ve written so far?

I like to read, draw, do cross stitch, bake, dance, take walks in the forest by my house, spend time with my pets, friends and family… but I’m a musician first and foremost, I play the violin 🎶 Can I ask about what you do at your jobs? (But it’s totally okay of you don’t want to answer that!)

Wow, that means we became exo-ls around the same time! What a coincidence 💖 And same here honestly hahah

Me too, he’s a lovely person and I simply can’t imagine exo without him 😣 I hope they get to see each other lots despite everything ❤️‍🩹Ahah wellJunmyeon caught my attention immediately, and he just keeps surprising me with how talented, dorky and kind he is 💗 I get what you mean! I was the same when I looked Vixx up, I thought I’d like Hongbin the most but then Leo appeared and I was doomed 😆💘

I see! Well it’s the same for me, I discover new groups every now and then but I’ll always return to exo in the end 🤍 Ooh, I also relate to being introverted! And the way you described him - soft yet grumpy? Sounds like a perfect catch hahah 💝 and he gets to produce so many songs too! That’s amazing ✨ I’ll definitely give going seventeen a watch then! Also I listened to q&a - it’s so upbeat and groovy! I really like it (and Unfair is such a cute song too agh) 🎵 Would you say that these songs represent your musical taste overall? 

I’ll do my best! 💞 Would you like me to use a theme or a prompt, or do you want me to come up with something completely on my own? I’m definitely open to both options!

💫 ~I wish you all the best until my next ask reaches you~ 💫

-🎅

Hey! first of all i wanted to say so so sorry for taking forever to answer this, this has been the craziest month for me, just non stop haha! I haven't done circus in a long time, I did pole dancing classes for a bit last year but stopped after getting too busy, I live super close to my old circus now so i'm considering restarting classes next year! I actually have a youtube with singing vids on, i haven't posted one in years but you can still watch vids on there https://www.youtube.com/c/SongsandSilks and i like to sing a mix of stuff but rn it's mostly songs from musicals!

I think I was like 15 when I first wrote a fanfic and it was for the dan and phil fandom haha! My fave fic i've wrote is a tie between #whipped and I Keep Falling For You!

Ooh a fellow cross stitcher! What pets do you have? Omg so cool, i always wanted to play violin as a kid haha, how long have you been playing? I work at a stationary store on the weekdays and then on the weekend I work for a car insurance company handling people notifying us of accidents

Haha i feel like always happens for me with groups, i'm like yeah that one's my bias and i'm basically never right haha

For definite, i love how soft and grumpy jihoon is, I feel bad I haven't kept track of the new seventeen comeback but i just have enough time for exo right now haha. Ahh i'm so glad you like Q&A and Unfair, sort of, I have a really varied music taste, like one minute i'll be listening to upbeat stuff and then it'll be pop punk, and then r&b haha, I just like music haha

I'm happy for you to use a theme, I know i'll love whatever you do!!

Also to answer your other ask, yes omg i saw yeol's new mv, i was like counting down the days to it coming out and then I was so hyped when chingu line was in the mv, literally had me grinning so much. I listen to the song at least once a day at this point

I hope you're doing well!!

[imtheiliad]

Wip wednesday

Tagged by @constructiononqueersunset @gaysdiaz @gayravi @ekstasisandqueerangst @eddiediazisascorpio <3

Rn I’m mostly working on rwrb even tho I wish I could write other things too but yeah! Here’s some more :) also y’all deserve some big man tiny baby content today *mwah*

“Is there something I can do? To help?” Evan asks earnestly.

In any other situation Eddie might hear it first as a criticism. But he just looks up at the prince of fucking england, the jet lag finally catching up to him, as he tries to balance Chris while measuring out formula, and something cracks a little bit.

“Could you um, Could you hold him?”

Evan pauses before nodding, and opening his arms slightly, and Eddie effortlessly places Chris into them.

“He likes it when-” Eddie begins to offer turning back to the counter, and then throwing a glance toward them. Evan already has Chris held against his chest, one hand spreading across the small expanse of Chris’s back and his walking around the kitchen island with a soft rock in his step. Christopher is silent. And something else cracks in Eddie’s chest.

He stops mixing the bottle. Sets it down on the counter and grips the edge of the counter, and bends his head down. Bites his lip. And he doesn’t know if it’s the jet lag or the circumstances that got him here, but for the first time since he began feeling so tired he could cry- he does. A single tear tracks down his cheek. Maybe even though it is suffocating in this palace- he is free of expectation. And an iota of what it might be like to do this with a partner- like he was meant to- broke him.

“Hey,” Evan’s rough voice comes from beside him.

He clamps down harder on his lip.

“Talk to me. I know I am probably the last person you-”

“I haven’t hated you forever you know?” he croaks out, “I just, I’ve never had a partner before. With him. It’s always just been him and me against the world. Cause I’m stubborn. Because I wanted to prove something to my parents. To Shannon. That’s all. And I’m jet lagged, standing in front of the prince of england, who was able to calm him down immediately. Something his own Father couldn’t do. And I just-”

“Eddie, I guarantee that there are worse fathers in the world. Hey, I can attest to that. Being so stubborn about being there for him, when it would be easy for you to not be, is testament to the fact that you are doing better than at least a good portion of fathers.” Evan supplies nonchalantly, still rocking from foot to foot. On the next rock he brushes his shoulder against Eddie’s, and he finally looks up at him.

“Thank you.” he smiles just a little and picks up the bottle again.

Tagging uhh @goldenretrieverfirefighters @fleurdebeton and anyone else who want ls to share but hasn’t been tagged :) <3

[j10kkuno]

The Sykks, the Guses, Ray, and Conan: Broken Bonds Reconnecting in Los Santos

OR: Have some family headcanons until all of these get negated by canon Nopixel because I'm a writer and these things are what I thrive on.

The most defining part of this that impacts everything like a domino effect: The Sykk family is rich rich. Like Yuno's great grandfather made some understated everyday product everyone uses. Reasons why I say this: Yuno/his parents had enough money to put him through college for several years only for him to fail and he still had enough money in his trust fund to run away to Los Santos, pay for an apartment, get settled, pay bills, etc. That's not just parents with good jobs. Also, Euno has a history in the States(Dating Conan, seems on good terms ish with Yuno, suggesting they grew up together), but according to wiki he's been in Europe but also decided to up and move to LS for reasons related to Yuno and moving back and forth and back between continents is very pricy and complicated and you have to leave people behind which is really hard so yeah. Sykk family is rich rich.

Due to that, Yuno and Euno both grew up with a list of expectations they had to live up to, Euno was meant to inherit the French branch of their company, they were both expected to be straight, rebellion was frowned upon, etc. Just everything you'd expect from people of their status and think of Yuno's personality and what Sykkuno wants to use Euno to do in game and how stifling that would be for them.

I was reading a headcanon on Yuno and Ray Mond yesterday about their parents being divorced and that's why they have different last names and I have a thought on that.

Basically, I'm thinking that Yuno's mom was having fertility issues and his dad was frustrated and like all rich men, strayed and cheated with Ms. Mond, an employee at the company's office, who got pregnant. His parents frowned and worried about reputation because they're very traditional, but when they found out Ms. Mond was pregnant with twins, they allowed him to keep the boy, but the girl had to be sent away. Ms. Mond was very unhappy, but she was paid well. Mrs. Sykk was unhappy but thankful the moment Yuno, three hours old, was placed in her arms. Yuno was never told his mom isn't biologically his mother, but she's the only mom he'll ever have, despite her expectations.

Mrs. Sykk's brother is Mr. Gus and Yuno grew up seeing Amon and Bin quite often. They were his favorite cousins. However, when they were around 8-10ish, the Gus family disappeared. Yuno cried for ages and over time, memories have faded but he has vague memories of them. In reality, the Gus parents are killed in a brutal car accident where the car is set on fire. An onlooker is barely able to save the children. All identification is burned and the children hit their heads so there's no way to identify them so because they're on vacation, they're forced into the local foster care system with only each other to cling to. Memories of their past life come and go, including of Yuno, which Bin especially can hold onto.

Ray grew up living a normal life in the midwest with a single mom. The Sykks paid off Ms. Mond handsomly, but she still worked to make ends meet so Ray could have most of that money for college/as an adult. Her life was dedicated to Ray. When Ray was 18, she stumbled across the contract, but didn't say anything until a big blow out fight a few years later and then Ms. Mond tells her everything and then Ray starts looking for Yuno, who she finds in LS. One day, she'll meet the Sykks and go off on them, but be kindest to Yuno's mom, who just wanted a child to please her husband and in law and feel like she wasn't a failure.

Yuno and Euno both felt like they didn't fit in with business and snobby rich people, both enjoying pranks and crime shows but Euno was able to pretend much better. His father was in charge of the French branch of their company, and they made sure he split his time evenly between the States and France as a child. As a young adult, he chose Columbia University in Liberty City for college(Ivy League school btw, Yuno also attended an Ivy League but the family preferred Dartmouth. Columbia was viewed as Euno's big rebellion). He wanted to get lost in the bustle of the city and find a place to be himself. And he does, in a young Conan Clarkson. He was a criminal justice major at a much less prestigious university but he captured Euno's heart easily. Conan let him joke around, let him be vulnerable when all his life Euno was told a man never lets anyone sees his vulnerabilities, and never, ever expects anything but love from him. Euno wishes their time together could last forever, but he knows eventually, he'll be expected to return to France. And he is, as soon as he graduates, and he asks Conan to come with. Conan's already been accepted to the Police Academy in Los Santos. Conan asks him to come with to Los Santos, but Euno has been prepped his entire life to take a position at the French branch and he's not strong enough to say no. It hurts like hell, but they break up. And Euno is miserable. Business isn't for him and now that he knows who he is he hates the person he has to pretend to be.

A few years later, Yuno tells him he's in Los Santos and his found family and how nice it is and the nice cops and Euno always loved hearing about Conan's major and passions so he asks more about the police program and so he and Yuno plans. And in the middle of the night, Euno leaves Paris with only as much as his suitcase will carry and catches a flight to LS. Three nights later, he runs into Conan at the pier, and well, it takes a few months, but home is where the heart is and Euno's home has been Los Santos for a lot longer than anyone knew.

Meanwhile, Yuno is overjoyed to be reunited with the Gus brothers and tells them about their past and introduces them to Ray, who is super excited to meet more family(!!!). The four feels like they were meant to meet all along and be family and now that they've met, they refuse to be parted. Yuno's family tries, and they really try with Euno, the once golden child, but neither of them are budging. They've made a home in Los Santos and they're not leaving it for anything. (Euno's little brother is very happy to suddenly be the heir of the French branch so it all works out)

[zuffer-weird-girl]

Yoooo just imagine Angel not sleeping in the same room as kai because she mad and he be like"what I do 👁️ _👁️ And she like ask ur son >:(

"You know you cant give me the cold shoulder forever." He said while trailing after you, carrying his son on your arms that even refused to acknowledge him.

He just had got out of his office when he heard that both his wife and son were home, but instead of seing their usual goofy or smiley faces he was met with a VERY angry angel of his and a upset deviant that was his son.

Putting Kaito on bed, you kissed him goodnight and stormed out of the room, not before giving Kai one of your most ugly glares to him.

Scoffing he trailed after you and managed to grab onto your shoulder.

"Just spill it out woman." He said serious with a frown on his forehead "What happened for this treatment of yours, neither Kaito is looking at me on the eyes dammit."

You bited on your lip while taking a big breath in before shoving your husband's hand out of your shoulder with a neutral expression.

"How about you ask your son himself why me and him are mad with you? Just a hint, Chisaki." You growled his surname, which made him shiver, noticing that whatever he did, it was a real fuck up.

Sighing to himself, he walked slowly to his son's room. Hoping that maybe you would cool off a bit of your steam. Reaching Kaito's room, the kid when notice his presence turned his back to him and hidded beneath the covers.

"What a great hidding spot." He said out loud nonchantly and sarcastically before rolling his eyes when he was met with silence. Taling a few careful steps he took a seat on his son's bed. "Let go of the covers Kaito. I want to speak with you for a bit."

"No." He deadpanned at his son's answering before frowning at hearing some sniffles.

"A problem at the school again? Tell me whose were." Already planning the destiny of the poor souls, Chisaki didn't notice the child slowly sitting up and showing his teary eyes and pout.

"You..." Kai arched hsi eyebrow at that with a confused sound before Kaito sjiffled again, rubbing his puffy eyes with the sleeve of his jammies "You didn't showed up like you said you would."

"What are you talking about-" realization soon hitted him and he immediatly groaned, facepalming at forgetting that.

It was near Father's day and Kaito's classroom had like some sort of presentation of their childs as an honor thing to do. His brat keep telling over and over again about it and even his wife had asked him if he was really going to be able to attend.

Although his job was demanding, and despite promissing even kaito to be there, he broke it. Papers and problems had consumed his mind on those days making him forget about his own son..

"Sh- Kaito my deepest apologies. You know how my work gets and-"

"And is important." The child interrupted him with a defeated tone, drops of tears falling from his (E/c) eyes "You always say that..."

An uncomfortable silence settled between the two before Kaito let out a weak sob past his trembling lips.

"But you swore it for me and Mama that you would be there...the other kids kept making fun of me and how you dont care for me and mom and I almost had a fight with them!" The kid sobbed a bit louder as kai sighed, indeed was his fault this time.

Grabbing his handkerchief from his pocket and handing to Kaito, the boy vlblewed his nose on it and Chisaki made a mental note to burn that handkerchief and get another one later. Now, his priority was getting his son calm amd make it up for his mess.

"Do you really care about me and mom..?"

"Why are you even asking that?" He almost growled "You two are the best things that ever happened with me. Kaito, I already said I am deeply sorry for forgetting about this... it wasn't on my intention brat, I mean it." He extended his gloved hand to pet the dark brow hair similiar to his as his son slowly calmed down from hiis crying section.

"Is just.. that.. that it doesn't look like it sometimes..." the boy mumbled as Kai arched one of his eyebrow ls "When I asked the same question to Mommy she almost started to cry as well..."

Okay, scratch thhat he screwed up. He ROYALLY FUCKED UP.

"... I do pretend to make it up for you and your mother for this mistake I did Kaito. Believe in me, I wish only for the best for my son and your mother." The kid sniffled before hesitantly making grabby hands at him, which he immediatly tensed up but sighed in defeat when allowing his kid to hug him.

He was still getting used to someone so small and fragile as Kaito, his son, to be comfortable and even affectionate around him. His experiences with eri still plagued his mind even if he let her go many years ago...

He could only be grateful that just like his angel, his son was just as patient as you to deal with him, despite being a brat now at then.

Wishing good nitlght to hiis son and reaching for his room he cracked the door open just a bit to take a glimpse of you, already curled up on bed without him.

He sighe, running a hand through his hair before an idea popped into his head, already making his way to his office.

.

.

.

"So whatcha my big baby boi want for breakfast?" You yawned as Kaito toyed with a few strands of your hair, humming in thought.

"Uh.. maybe-"

You stopped at the vision of your husband already up, instead of his usual work clothes he wore a simple black shirt that showed his muscles, bless that freacking shirt, and some comfortable pants as he carried along with Chrono some boxes to the living room.

Kaito and you changed glances before walking towards where the males were as Kurono gave you two a morning before you saw Kai taking off some bags of the boxes and a few other things

"What's all this?" You asked curiously, your anger from last night no more present as you let your son down.

"Well." Kai looked at you over his shoulder before showing one of the bags being one of your and Kaito's favorite take outs and sweets wrapped nicely to not go to waste "What does it look like?"

You widened your eyes as Kaito almost squealed, Kai absolutely despise tale outs and would only got ONE if you or your son begged him enough.

"Someone woke up with a good mood?" You giggled while accepting awkwardly one of the bags only to your mouth start to water at the vision of your favorite food.

Kai lowered down his mask with a sigh befofe pecking your cheek softly, mumbling an apology on it.

"This is a part of the plan I did for today." He said nonchantly while bringing his mask up as Kaito looked up at him, already with dirty and messy chubby checks in question. "This brat went for the dessert already you little rascal." He growled, but you could sense it a extremely rare feeling of playfulness on his tone of voice.

"I know I messed up." He looked deep into your eyes "But I swear to be better on this, that's why I took the whole week off, starting for today to pass time with both of you more." He patted Kaito's head, whose eyes were shinning in awe at his father.

"Really?!" The kid exclaimed as Kai hummed.

"Yeah. Really." He winced when the kid launched himself on him, snuggling and cuddling on his father like a baby lamb as Kai looked over at you as if his face was screaming for help, glaring a bit later when you only giggled at the cute scene.

"I love you daddy!" These words made him freeze as he catched a glimpse of you. Kaito finally let him go as he said something about grabbing his toys to play with him before storming out of the room.

"Sounds like I did something right then..." he mused nonchantly before blushing a bit when you kissed his exposed neck and lowered his mask to cup his bare cheek.

"The whole week huh?" You mused as his eyes narrowed a bit.

"I plan to claim you all of these days." He growled while sneakily putting his hands on your waist to bring you closer as he nipped on your neck.

"Gow you plan to do that hm?"

"Well-" you yelped when a plushie of a elephant hit your husband square on the face as his amber eyes widened in shock as well before narrowing then at his kid.

"GROSS!"

"Dammit this kid is such a cockblock-" he muttered under his breath before chasing the boy who laughed maniacly at sieng his dad getting irritated.

Sounds like your own plans with your husband would be only on the night times.

[ravenbara]

Witchy Wishlist, WA, USA

1. ART of my children.  I have two green cheek conures and a siamese cat and have also had a jardine parrot.  I love them, they are my life and ANY form of art of them absolutely brightens my mood for days, feel free to search my blog for Momo, Zodi, Harry and Boris or contact me for as many reference pictures as you want.

2. Craft supplies! EVEN HANDMEDOWNS AND USEFUL SCRAPS.  my favorite things right now are modern embroidery with cotton and six strand floss and stitching on felt with pearl cotton.  but i also spin my own yarn, crochet like mad, sculpt, papercraft, paint (mostly watercolor but also love acrylics) etc.

3. PIctures of your critters! I am animal obsessed and would love to get to know your pets.  I personally am most fascinated by birds and cats but i also love and live with some lovely dogs and think reptires and aquatics are so cute.  Sorry insect lovers, i would prefer not to see pictures of your babies but I’d still love to hear stories and antics!

4.  Art/free image sourcing help for oracle decks i love to make.  I am not strong in my 2D art skills but ADORE making oracle decks over on thegamecrafter.  if you have images that we can use free for commercial use (either original images or common use license stock imagery to play with) I would love to partner and format a deck, can be entirely up to you within the options i have available or you can keep it up to me.  I just enjoy the formatting and finding filters, borders, etc to make the images a cohesive deck. OH and if you take me up on this, i’ll make sure we both get a copy at cost but if we decide to list for sale we can split whatever proceeds happen (if they happen, to be honest, i’m not great at advertising)

5.  Tarot/astrology lessons/mentorship.  I’ve been super interested in both topics but feel like a novice in both.  I’m a diviner already but my focus is on intuitive oracle tools.  SO if you have the patience to hold my hand and either talk with me about either topic or even just help send me research to read would all be super helpful!

6.  Essentials for me and my pets.  The birds always need food and toys, and the cat always needs food and litter and cardboard scratchers.  With how little income I have right now, this is a legitimate need in the next couple months that would be lovely to not have to worry about next purchase cycle.

7. Go give love to a favorite online creator of yours, and show off their work to me! I will definitely respond with some of my own favorite folks!  2D art, videos, games, artisans, crafters, artists of any kind.  Give them love and let me see their awesome work!

8. D&D tutoring! I’ve barely ever played but am obsessed with a couple podcasts (currently catching up on Critical Role) and have the resources to run a handful of one shots and even a campaign and a half (gotta love patreon) I would love someone to just explain whatever they think is relevant to playing and DMing and let me ask questions!

9.  TEA!!! I love adagio.com   https://www.adagio.com/gifts/gift_card_gift_of_holidays.html  that is the link to their gift cards, but if you have any recommendations or want to talk fancy flavored teas i’m down for that too!

10. SWITCH GAMES,  i am forever in love with animal crossing but love adding to my game library, top of my list is Pikmin 3 right now, it just looks so stinking cute.

11.  SOCKS.... so.... i have a bit of a long sock obsession..... and the one company i know and trust for my long socks in my (plus) size is sockdreams! as long as it fits me i am totally cool with you picking out what you want to get me but they also make the cutest giftcards.  They make pride stripe socks of various lengths (their plus sized genderqueer over the knee socks are what i have on right now XD) and they are the comfiest things.  Fancy socks are a serious weakness of mine and i love them. https://www.sockdreams.com/ecard.html

12.  Movie buddy! I have a few movies that i know but havent’ seen in years cuz they have gross memories attached to them.  Like i ADORE the cats stage musical and have a dvd of the films stage production... but i can’t watch it by myself because my brain goes south really really fast.... so! if you are up for sitting with me on IM/DM and letting me chatter about the movie for the whole length of the film, let me know! (you can be watching along or not, up to you!) CATS is the big one, but les miserable is one as is repo the genetic opera and practical magic. 

13.  https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/2R83PY8OPR14Z?ref_=wl_share  (amazon wishlist link)

HAPPY WINTER and I hope you get many gifts in return!

dm here on tumblr at ravenbara or send a non-anonymous ask

if absolutely can’t contact on tumblr use raven.bara@gmail.com but tumblr is more reliable for me to catch the message

[ninja-go-to-therapy]

Day 1: Past

@ninjago-angst-week 

Reminiscing about the past leads to painful discoveries.

Trigger Warnings: mention of death

This takes place between seasons 2 and 3

1434 words

Zane stared down at his memory switch, his fingers ghosting over it. He would never flip it, of course, but he couldn’t help but think about the two times it had been flipped. The first time by his father, turning Zane into nothing more than a blank slate.

The second time by Zane himself.

He remembered the feeling that had come with the memories that had flooded his mind all at once. It was overwhelming and happy and sad and too much and too little all at the same time. He’d almost wanted to vomit.

He didn’t even know if it was possible for him to vomit, but the feeling had been there all the same.

At the time, he’d been happy to rediscover the life he had once lived, if not shocked. Overwhelmed. But now… now he frequently found himself almost… upset about it.

His father had forced him to forget years of his life, and for what? To spare him the grief? He hadn’t even asked him. He had just… done it.

Zane had never wanted to forget. He had wanted to do so many things, he had wanted to remember his father forever, he had wanted and wanted and wanted. 

His father hadn’t cared what he had wanted.

His father had only cared about himself.

No, that was unfair. His father had been dying, he hadn’t been in his right mind. In almost every other memory Zane had of him, his father had been good to him.

But there were times. Fuzzy spots in his memory banks that Zane didn’t like one bit. He hated to think of his father badly, especially now that he was well and truly dead, but… he hadn’t treated Zane well. Not always.

It was a startlingly painful realization to come to.

And the fact that he was a robot, and he just… hadn’t known? It was his own body! How could his father do that to him?

He’d come to terms with it, by now. Lloyd had defeated the Overlord, Zane’s father had died, and life was moving on. Soon, he and his brothers would be teaching young children at a school. He was content. Really, he was.

So why did he feel so… angry?

Yes, he realized, he was angry. He was angry at his father, despite the fact that he was dead. Did that make him a bad person? To hold a grudge against a ghost wouldn’t get him anywhere.

But he didn’t care. It wouldn’t have gotten him anywhere when his father was alive, either. It would never get him anywhere. That only made him angrier.

He didn’t care that he was a robot. He cared that it had taken him so many years to know.

He slid to the floor, suddenly unable to catch his breath.

He needed to clear his head. He needed to… he needed to get out for a bit.

He left a note on the kitchen counter, hastily scribbled in pen. And then he left.

---

Zane didn't quite know what to expect when he docked at the lighthouse. His previous visit had been very short, after all.

He opened the door, expecting to find months worth of dust. He was surprised, to say the least, to find that this was not true. Instead, the area, while it was far from perfect condition, almost looked like it had been in use.

On his guard, now, Zane continued inside. For the sake of whoever had invaded his father's previous home, they better not have still been here.

Almost immediately, he heard a creek from up the stairs. He froze, listening for any other sounds. For a moment, he was almost starting to think he’d imagined it.

And then something clanged.

Zane bolted up the stairs, distantly heating frantic footsteps coming from above.

“Stop!” he yelled, rounding a corner on the staircase.

Whoever it was paid him no attention, they just kept going.

Zane burst into the top room, ready for a fight. Nobody was there.

“Show yourself!” He demanded. “What are you doing in my father’s lighthouse?”

From in the closet, he heard a dull thud.

Before he could get any closer, the door very slowly creaked open.

“Did you say your father?” asked a small, timid voice.

Zane approached, but froze when he saw what almost looked like a mirror image of himself. Only this one was rustier, smaller-looking, and his arm was on the floor beside him.

“Who... who are you?” Zane asked.

“I am Zane, built to protect those who cannot protect themselves. But, father called me Echo.”

His father had built another nindroid. Zane had a brother. And his father had never mentioned him.

“Are you Zane?” Echo asked, unsteadily getting to his feet. Zane nodded numbly. “Oh! Father talked about you all the time! I’m sorry for running before. Father always said I shouldn’t show myself to… visitors.” Echo frowned for a moment, deep in thought. But then he brightened. “Have you brought him with you?”

Their father had died without even telling him of his brother’s existence. Why had he not brought Echo when they had found him initially? He could have rotted here! Probably would have, if Zane hadn’t shown up.

“He has… passed, recently,” Zane said, his heart plummeting even further at the absolutely shattered look on his brother’s face.

Echo must have been waiting every day since their father had left the lighthouse. He must have waited, hoped, truly thought that his father would return. Zane didn’t know how his brother hadn’t lost his mind with all that waiting.

He couldn’t think of that, though. They had too much to talk about.

---

“It’s okay,” Zane said, “they’ll love you.”

The two had talked while packing up the lighthouse, and then the whole way back, too. This time, Zane had personally ensured that nobody was left behind.

“You’re sure?” Echo asked, fidgeting nervously.

Tai-D beeped encouragingly.

Echo gave a small smile. “Okay… okay. If you’re certain.”

“Trust me,” Zane said, giving Echo’s hand a small squeeze. “I am. Wait right here, I will bring you in momentarily.” With that, he slipped through the door.

Echo waited nervously, bouncing on the balls of his feet. Honestly, he was just grateful that all of his limbs were staying attached. Usually by now, he would have at least lost a foot.

Tai-D beeped at him again.

“You think so?” Echo asked, his smile widening when Tai-D beeped again. “Thank you! I’m sure they’ll love you, too.”

The door opened back up, and Zane waved him in with an encouraging smile. Echo took a breath, steeled himself, and entered.

His brother’s friends — the ninja — gasped.

“He looks so much like you!” the one in blue breathed. “Hi! I’m Jay!” he exclaimed, thrusting out his hand excitedly for Echo to shake.

“I am Echo,” he said, shaking Jay’s hand and smiling shyly at all the attention now on him.

The others went around introducing themselves. It was easy to remember some of the names, like Cole. He was the master of earth, so the association made it simple. Lloyd was easy, too, because he liked that it had two Ls.

They were all very friendly, and just as Zane had described them to be. Echo had expected to feel more overwhelmed, but the ninja were so welcoming that, even in the few minutes he’d been here, he felt accepted. He felt happy.

He liked that. He liked feeling happy.

---

Zane was happier than anything that his journey had led him to discovering his brother. But now he just… he just had so many more questions. His father would have mentioned Echo if he’d thought him to be important. Hell, he would have brought him along in the first place when they’d rescued him! So did that mean… his father just didn’t care?

Echo looked just like Zane, even technically shared his name. Was Echo meant to be a replacement? The thought almost sickened him. Had their father ever cared about either of them? Or were they just his little robot projects?

Zane sat down, putting his head in his hands. He was so confused. He wished their father was still alive, if only so he could demand answers.

But Echo… he didn’t want Echo to ever feel like that. Like he wasn’t worth something, like he wasn’t his own person. Zane would keep his brother safe. He wouldn’t let his past define him.

If that meant letting him believe that their father had been a good man? Well, there were worse lies to tell.

[theaestheticdiariesx]

DongFeng Headcanons

Headcanons coming to you from @m-mimima and @lovesasusaku12 . Because we love the DongFeng couple and need more than what the show gave us. Though we were blessed with a lot.  

Both Dong Hua and Fj are super thirsty for each other and some of the women try to shift into FJ. Dong Hua catches on pretty quickly and questions them about all the things they did/do. He usually is still pretty ice face unless FJ is around and then all of his attention is on her. Everyone is confused af about this powerful, stoic god who is putty in FJ’s hands. 

Fj likes to hang out with new immortal General Ye, but she always makes sure that DH is around and flatters him a bit more than usual. Dh likes Ye, just not around his wife. 

Fj becomes more mature, but she is still FJ through and through. She still loves to play pranks and is super flustered when DH calls her Fu Ren. 

If anyone tries to bully Fj or say anything about DH or her family, she reminds them who her husband is. She is pretty powerful on her own, but there are some people that don’t listen to her. DH always shows up and silently supports her. 

After the ending of pillow book, DH and Fj finally get married. Dh personally issues a statement saying that he will destroy anyone that dares to stop or interrupt the ceremony. Needless to say, the ceremony goes well and they are finally together “officially”. 

DH being a baby and calling FJ back for slight injuries. She doesn’t really mind and loves to be around him. 

Zhi He dies when she comes back for visits and sees Dh and FJ together and tries to get in between them, but Dh stops her and is like why are you coming in between me and Fu Ren. FJ always gets flustered when Dh calls her Fu Ren. DF love to sit together at banquets and she serves him food and he ignores everyone but her and likes to tuck flowers in her hair. Fj gets sad thinking about Aranya, but DH reminds Fj that the failed fate brought them together. 

DH and Fj have three kids, two boys and a girl. DH slightly favors his little girl because she is basically a mini FJ. Fj and baby girl usually fight over who gets to sit in DH’s lap (in fox form). 

Dh is forever sad at missing Fj’s pregnancy with gun gun. So he keeps FJ close during her subsequent ones and is a super attentive husband. He likes to burns summons from the heavenly king for meetings, so FJ just goes with him. But he pays more attention to her and stops meetings to get something that FJ wants, and guilt trips fj with him missing Gun gun’s time. He hugs gun gun a little bit tighter and dotes on him too. 

The third pregnancy (baby girl) is the hardest on FJ. At night, she likes to grab DH’s hand and tells him to tell his restless child to stop and let her rest. He replies with “this one takes after their mother in being restless” but dies happily on the inside. 

Dongfeng babies are usually well behaved and the entire Bai family is astounded. But since they are the kids of two trolls,they love to pull pranks and never get caught. DH loves to join in the pranks. 

The babies join Dh in the meetings. He loves wearing the baby in slings and curl up against him when they are older.  If anyone gets too rowdy, then he points to the baby sling and tells them to settle down and not wake his kids. 

DH loving his family and having family dinners even after the kids grow up. He loves having his family surrounding him because he has been alone for way too long. He also makes sure that all of his family is protected. He doesn’t hover, but makes sure that they are okay. 

Dijun loves to spoil his daughter and carries her everywhere either in his arms or sitting on his shoulders. He teaches his daughter how to play Go and she eventually beats LS (as a small baby). Dh tells her to call LS “nephew” because he lost. Zhong Lin comes to tell him that FJ is calling the baby and DH is like *___*, I’ll take her. 

FJ uses her babies to get out of trouble. They usually just show up and say “Grandpa” and BOOM, forgiven. #noshame 

The DF babies are both mentally and emotionally smart. They are well behaved, but very naughty. They and BQ’s kids cause so much mischief. They love to prank Si Ming, who just accepts his fate. 

Everyone likes to cling onto FJ and she is all “I love you all, but i have stuff to do. When did i become the responsible one?” =_=“.

The sky kingdom is a lively place due to all the little ones (Df, BQ, and LS and Cheng yu’s kids). The girls have tea parties at Tai Chen Palace and FJ makes them pastries and DH provides the tea and hangs out for a bit with them. 

Zhi He dies every time she comes to visit and sees the df babies. She knows that she can’t do anything to them bc Dijun will not stand for it. Whenever Zhi he tries to pull anything, the babies call her Grumpy Old aunty instead of just aunt. She also dies seeing the (df) baby girl looking a lot like a mini fj. 

Xiao Yan joining the babysitting squad (He is always supervised with the kids). Dh’s baby girl develops a baby crush on Yan yan and Dh loses his mind and tells her no she doesn’t like him like that. Dh stays a little jealous of Xiao Yan and FJ is ???. 

DF’s daughter grows up to be a beauty (after her mother) and Dh threatens any suitors with his sword (he’s not subtle about it). LS uses his friendship with Dh to threaten away his daughter’s suitors. 

[apiratecalledav]

Is there other stuff that makes you think hbo messed with gendrya?

Oh, man, I’m probably gonna be thought of as the Murray Bauman of the fandom…. But yeah, there’s actually quite a bit that makes me think that it’s possible. When season 8 first aired, I thought that maybe executive meddling shot them down for some reason, most logically to protect spinoff potential.  They might have let the show “test the waters” but ultimately wanted them left ambiguous.

I thought it was… interesting… that Gendry and Arya had by far the gentlest, most amicable breakup in the entire series— and that it was over Gendry’s lordship that he straight up said wasn’t worth anything without Arya—when HBO UK made a cryptic tweet that made me wonder if someone high up was leery of the pairing/fan reaction.  If they wanted the option for an Arya Stark spinoff someday, I could see why they wouldn’t want her to end in a relationship they thought might be poorly received.  

I also thought that maybe since Gendrya went so far out of the show’s usual M.O. (to the point that it was one of the very few things about season 8 that I was wildly off about) that their thought process might have plausibly been something like, “Gendrya can’t be endgame? Well, fuck it. We’ll go all out and have them do pretty much everything else: Make out, spend the night together, save the world, say, ‘I love you,’ and get down on one knee to propose.”

I also thought that I was probably just a tinfoil-hat-wearing weirdo saying, “My OTP wasn’t definitively endgame! It must be a conspiracy.”

But I rewatched the whole season a little while ago and I noticed some things that I think are… interesting. Although, you should keep in mind that it was during two VERY long and VERY boring days at work where I had nothing to do.

I could just be shipper trash, seeing what I wanna see. Maybe not. I’m just saying that I’d believe it if something was up. From the way they portrayed Arya and Gendry, in general and especially in comparison to Jon/D-ny (I’ve anti tagged but if you don’t have blacklisting enabled, this is your fair warning), I could believe that the writers like the ship. And while Arya is certainly not the poster child for perfect mental health, there isn’t anything to suggest she would be toxic in a long term relationship. She isn’t selfish or cruel. I also don’t think that she hates herself the way that Sandor and Jaime did and that she believes she deserves to be “punished” or alone. She didn’t say anything to Gendry about not wanting to be a wife, just not a lady. 

They’re consistently portrayed as a healthier/more favorable foil to Jon and D-ny:

In 8x01, D-ny swoops down on Winterfell and is cavalier as fuck about resources.  She has no comment about food except that dragons eat “whatever they want.” The next scene, we see Gendry running to catch a chunk of dragonglass that was about to tumble out of the wagon. He tells everyone to be careful because they need every last bit of it. He then goes on to climb up the wagon, much like Arya did in the pilot episode. I think it’s even in the same spot. If not, it’s very similar.

Also 8x01, D-ny tells Jon, “keep your Queen warm” and while they are kissing, Jon keeps opening his eyes and freaking out because scary dragons are eyeballing him. And D-ny is pretty much like, “Don’t worry about it, it’s cool.” Even though she’s already made a few jokes about how if they decide to roast Jon then he’s shit outta luck and she threatened Sansa. Then the very next scene is Gendry and Sandor just before Arya finds them. Arya teases Gendry as well but she also defends him from Sandor, compliments him, jokes he should “keep close to that forge” if he’s cold and tells him not to call her Lady Stark. They laugh and banter and all awkwardness fades away and they’re both grinning like dorks. Arya actively wants Gendry to see them as equals; D-ny subconsciously wants Jon in his place.

Even as the dead are practically in their backyard, D-ny keeps obsessing about the throne. Meanwhile, Arya’s station doesn’t bother Gendry anymore because he knows it doesn’t matter. He also signed up to help Jon immediately without asking for anything in return.

Arya and Gendry each seek the other out in 8x02 but Jon spends a lot of it trying to avoid D-ny until the last moment

8x02 Arya and D-ny find out Gendry’s and Jon’s parentages. It makes no difference to Arya, she loved Gendry when he was a barmaid’s bastard and she loves him when he’s a king’s son. Jon’s  bio father shatters D-ny’s whole world.

Most of Jon’s family (this includes Sam) distrust and fear D-ny. Jon and Sandor like Gendry and Sansa and Bran have no complaints at least.

Their ~love scenes~ have a few shots that mirror each other, too.  But we see the buildup for Arya and Gendry, their conversation, their first kiss, undressing each other. We see Jon and D-ny and in the middle of things, during a montage explaining how they’re closely related and narrated by Jon’s little brother. Not exactly sexy. Then it cuts to Tyrion lurking nearby looking troubled and finally ends with an ominous shot of the Targ flagship in the dark and gloom. Meanwhile, Arya and Gendry are alone, not related, and are the sole focus of the scene. There’s not even music.

In 8x04, at the funeral, Gendry and Arya are initially a good distance apart. Then after they light the pyres, you get a shot of Arya with (an admittedly very blurry) Gendry visible over her shoulder. Meanwhile, Jon and D-ny stand together while lighting the fire and then they part.  

Gendry’s “I love you” to Arya is enthusiastic and happy and D-ny’s to Jon is coming from a place of mourning at best and it’s straight up manipulative at worst.  The words “I love you” are rare in this show. I can only remember Jorah saying it a couple of times, Littlefinger to Cat and Sansa, Joffrey pledging to wed Margaery, and Robb to Talisa. The only times it’s not sad or creepy are Robb and Gendry.

These two scenes are the most glaringly obvious. But to summarize, Arya tries to set Gendry “free” when his life changes in a direction she doesn’t want for herself and D-ny tries to put Jon into a corner and make sure his life CAN’T change into one that she doesn’t want. 

So with that stuff in mind, I could buy that maybe they wanted Arya and Gendry to reunite in King’s Landing and try to save civilians together.  Or maybe have Jon ask Gendry to take Arya as far away as he can before Jon goes to that throne room to do what he has to do. Hell, look at Arya’s final scene as is: She’s on a ship and then you see her Stark sigil on the sail against the sunlight… If Gendry was with her, that’d sure look like a happier version of D-ny and Jon’s scene from the end of season 7…   While probably a bit too on the nose for GRRM’s books, I could see the show implying that Gendry and Arya are the second, more hopeful verse of the Song of Ice and Fire…

Other Season 8 Subtext-y things:

Marriage imagery; Arya under Gendry’s cloak. Bonus points for it being shown during these lines from Jenny’s song: “spun away all her sorrow and pain/and she never wanted to leave.”  “She spun away and said to him, ‘no featherbed for me.’”

Pretty much all of Gendry’s scenes in season 8 are with Arya or he’s with Sandor, talking about her. The small handful of times he’s not with either of them, he’s with her siblings and other people connected to House Stark like Tormund and Davos and even Sam and Edd.  After their “breakup” he virtually disappears. Pretty much the ENTIRE reason they brought him back was for Arya and to be tied strongly to House Stark.

Beric and Melissandre, who once wanted to sacrifice Gendry for “the greater good” and caused Arya to turn towards a darker path, sacrifice themselves to defeat the dead, not only saving Arya’s and Gendry’s lives but guiding Arya further into “light.” To the point where she literally ends the Long Night.

Gendry tells Arya that she’s beautiful and he loves her and gets down on one knee to ask her to marry him… Which is so wildly uncharacteristic for this show that I still can’t believe that it’s real. It’s by far the most traditional romantic moment in the entire series.  I suppose it could just be fan service, but 8x02 would have sufficed on that front. Not to mention that “fan service” in this show has never been something so wholesome.  

They could have done the proposal differently. They could have had Gendry say crap like, “Now we can settle down and live a boring, respectable life” or something else that would have been really unappealing to Arya. It actually would have been another connection to Robert/Lyanna, where Robert only loved his idea of Lyanna. But nope. They could have framed it as Gendry trying to do the honorable thing or “they’re gonna marry us off anyway, at least we like each other.” But nope.

Gendry could have been put off by Arya’s combat skills but he was turned on by it. She even used her “game of faces” voice on him and it didn’t send him running for the hills.

They also could have easily had Gendry be too “tame” for Arya but nope.  Her face at this part just kills me.

They made a thing out of Gendry being “forever loyal” to D-ny after she legitimized him but he had jack shit to say about her at the Great Council and was all too happy to vote for King Bran, even after Arya had turned him down.

A follow up to that other post in regards to a Gendry-ish looking guy grabbing Arya and asking if she’s seen his wife, Alanna: Magaery’s cousin with the same sounding name gets a GRRM-esque weird spelling: Allana with two Ls and one N. As opposed to the more traditional spelling that looks more like Lyanna….

One of the surviving lords at the Great Council is specifically from the Storm Lands. He’s probably who has had Storm’s End for the last few years and maybe he doesn’t deserve to get kicked out by a boy who doesn’t have any idea how to be a lord and doesn’t even want to be a lord without Arya.  He even has a name: Lord Une.  The Dornish prince doesn’t have a first name but this guy does?

Also, Une is a very unusual name. It’s not from the books and it doesn’t really sound Medieval Europe-y, either. Maybe there’s an inside joke or something? That’s definitely not a name you just pull from the air.  

Arya lights Beric’s funeral pyre but if Sandor didn’t have issues with fire, I think he probably would have done it as Beric’s last surviving friend. It kind of gives us the sense that Arya can do what Sandor can’t—which of course, she ultimately does when she decides to leave Cersei while Sandor, who has missed so much being hurt and angry, can only have peace/forgive himself is if he stops Gregor forever. 

In the very next scene after the funeral, we see Gendry and Sandor talk about Arya. Sandor basically says that normal, living people have emotions and hormones and it’s not a bad thing.  Sometime later, we see Sandor scare off a girl who makes a pass at him. The next scene is Gendry and Arya. Arya also ‘rejects’ her love interest but it’s in an infinitely more thoughtful way. We already know that it’s easier for Arya to be close to other people than it was for Sandor. Arya just has a little bit more to go until she’s completely ready for something serious.  

Episodes 1 and 2 establish a pattern of “Sandor then Gendry.” It’s how they arrive at Winterfell. It’s how they reunite with Arya. It’s how Arya visits them towards the end of 8x02. Sooo again, I could see at one point the intention was for them to reunite in King’s Landing. Possibly during that bit where it keeps cutting back and forth between Sandor and Arya; “hateful” Gregor grabs Sandor up to throw him around and “loving” Gendry lifts Arya to save her from getting trampled. Nora, the name of the kind stranger who does help Arya, is essentially the “female equivalent” of Gendry’s name.    

According to the leaked outline of season 7, Gendry was originally supposed to be rescued by Benjen beyond the wall. In season 8, he has scenes with Jon, Sansa, and Bran, and even Edmure and Robin. ALMOST LIKE THEY WANTED HIM TO MEET *ALL* OF ARYA’S FAMILY. I’m pretty sure only Tyrion has met more Starks and Tullys than Gendry.

The “Ice battle” was at Arya’s childhood home and the “Fire battle” was at Gendry’s. And yeah, I think it’s pretty damn weird that a capable, uninjured soldier who has knowledge of King’s Landing isn’t there.

They gave them a reference to The Princess Bride: “As you wish.” Comparing them to a beloved couple from a modern classic is a good sign. Comparing them to most likely a childhood favorite? Even better. Comparing them to a couple where their other famous line is “Death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a little while.” And Arya and Gendry are still alive.  Actually, it might be a coincidence but they do have a SHIT-TON in common with The Princess Bride. GRRM is a fan, too, so maybe it was discussed at some point. It’s certainly uncanny if it wasn’t at least partially intentional. But that’s a different post.  

Sandor knows about Gendry and Arya and he doesn’t rip Gendry’s head off. Gendry basically got a blessing from Arya’s last legal guardian.

Their outfits reflect each other’s houses, Gendry’s clothes having some very Stark direwolf-like scratch marks and Arya’s scabbard is yellow and black aka Baratheon colors.

I haven’t listened to it yet, but apparently in the leaked audio commentary for 8x06, they talked about how Joe wanted Arya to notice how hot Gendry looked.

Other stuff that makes me think that the writers like Gendrya:

They gave them a lot of time and focus. Even in season 8 where they had very limited time. And objectively speaking, that time probably should have been spent with Arya and her siblings.

They had Arya befriend Gendry earlier and easier than she does in the books.

In behind the episode of 8x02, Benioff talked about how you choose to spend your last night on earth says a lot about you. The very first example he gives is Arya wanting to be with Gendry.

They are always depicted positively:  They trust each other; they respect each other; they make each other laugh; they protect each other.  Even during their “breakups” in season 3 and 8; they are honest and accepting of each other’s decisions.  These two are young and inexperienced but they manage to be more mature and healthier than 95% of the other couples.  Their relationship also doesn’t doom them the way that Robb and Talisa’s did.

They changed stuff from the books to make it– not more romantic per se given Arya’s age– but certainly shipping fuel that fit more into romantic tropes: How they meet, how Gendry discovers that she’s a girl, how Arya blatantly checks him out when he’s shirtless. Their long one-on-one and emotional “goodbye” scene where Arya says, “I can be your family.”

They changed/added lines to foreshadow “My Featherbed,” aka where Gendry is legitimized but gives it up for Arya: “I have a son, you have a daughter. We’ll join our houses” but leaving out how Robert specified Joffrey and Sansa. Changing “you’ll marry a king” and “no, that’s Sansa” to “you’ll marry a high lord” and “no, that’s not me.”  Davos telling Gendry how he became a lord to help his son and it actually got Mathos killed in battle.

The main bullet points of season 8 were largely what I was expecting and I was at least in the ballpark about a lot of the details. Like did I predict King Bran? No, but I knew he belonged in the south because he named his direwolf Summer. I knew the king or queen would be a dark horse and I was fairly certain Tyrion would be Hand. The few things I didn’t anticipate still seemed to validate the main themes and messages I thought that GRRM was going for. Like King Bran. Now I can’t believe I didn’t see it. Who better to “end the game of thrones” than someone who doesn’t want to play and also can’t be plotted against?

Gendrya is the one major thing that tripped me up. Seriously. I would have bet my fucking car that if Gendry didn’t die, he’d walk away from a lordship and be with Arya on her ship, even if the nature of their relationship was ambiguous.  

So I could believe that they wanted or at least expected Gendrya to be endgame since season 1 and someone told them no. It could have been GRRM but I must admit that I have a difficult time believing that.

I guess I could see GRRM having the point of their relationship be that Arya is upfront and honest about what she wants and Gendry respects her decision and doesn’t turn into a bitter/mopey drunk. Or that Gendry dies and Arya doesn’t wallow in it forever… But there’s so much that makes me think that Gendry is meant to be the “sweet” part of Arya’s bittersweet ending, and at least be her True Companion.  Not to mention they’re still too young to really have a relationship in the books. Well, at least Arya is. And those particular parallels to Robert and Lyanna fall pretty flat in my opinion if they’re not romantically involved.   I mean, come ON. How the hell could it NOT end with the possibility of Lyanna’s niece/ Jon’s sister and Robert’s son/D-ny+Rags cousin???

Possible HBO Shenanigans:  

I thought it was kinda funny that HBO UK–not Game of Thrones but an official HBO account– made a tweet shortly before 8x02 aired implying that Arya is eighteen… when she’s more likely sixteen (lots of reasons, not to mention that Maisie has even said that Arya is sixteen.) And sixteen is the age of consent in the UK anyway.  As far as I know, that was the only public attempt by HBO to quell controversy in an already hugely controversial season. Like, after The Bells, I don’t think anyone at HBO tweeted about “Ideally, good rulers don’t commit 2.5 times the amount of war crimes as the Night King.” So I do have to wonder if there’s a reason that they’re particularly invested and protective about Arya’s reception…

There was a huge shitstorm when Tommen and Margaery got married and pretty much most of that stuff was off screen.  Sure, Arya’s a bit older and Maisie was in her 20s while Dean-Charles was still in his teens… but people do tend to get much more outraged when it’s a girl with an older guy than vice versa.

There was also a big shakeup when AT&T acquired HBO and they got a new CEO early in 2019, a couple of months before season 8 aired. The former CEO seemed to have been championing Bloodmoon, that prequel that got canceled recently. He might have been pulling more for a potential Arya show back when the season was still being written… the new people at AT&T also seemed extremely upset over what the budgets for GoT and Big Little Lies did for their bottom line.  

While HBO has stated emphatically that there are no current plans for an Arya spinoff, they were sure to tack on a “right now, a sequel […] doesn’t make sense for us.” I do believe that this is something they want to have in their back pocket.  There’s a lot of interest in the idea and if House of the Dragon does well, I won’t be shocked if five+ years down the line we get at least a movie or a limited series about Arya. It’s by far the easiest, since her character can be isolated from everyone else and there are tons of cool places to explore. Hell, if they were really desperate, they wouldn’t even need Maisie Williams to come back. They could just recast and say she’s wearing someone else’s face to hide from mercenaries or something.  

GRRM gave an interview talking about how certain characters who have “a high Q rating” (popular) get pushed into more screen time. Bronn is almost certainly one of those characters. He’s always been a self-serving asshole, but the things that made him feel more like an affable rascal—his funny lines, his genuine and open fondness for Podrick—are all but gone in season 8. Not to mention that there’s the implied possibility he’s dying from some “pox.” In the outline for season 7, he’s much closer to “Season 8 Bronn.” Like, he was the one who was originally going to ask Jaime about Widow’s Wail and call Joffrey a “See-You-Next-Tuesday.” When Olenna said it, it was pretty funny. But coming from Bronn, it was a real dick move. I could believe that their “treatment” of Bronn in season 8 was a bit of a middle finger to him. The same way I could perceive Gendrya’s portrayal as being a “fuck you” if they weren’t allowed to actually be endgame.

TL;DR: Gendry and Arya are one of the very few healthy couples in the entire series,  and it could be argued that they even get “special” treatment. Both of them lived and while Arya certainly has been traumatized, she is not a walking dumpster fire who wouldn’t be good for him. It would have been only too easy for them to be portrayed as incompatible or worse but they weren’t. Their breakup is over a virtual nonissue. So it’s not out of the range possibility that they were a victim of executive meddling.  

And please spare me any “bUt D&D aRe ToO STuPId tO dO tHis.” I’m not campaigning for them to win Pulitzers any time soon, but the notion that they’re complete nitwits is just silly. They both have M.F.A.s  from very good schools and their scripts/outlines that I’ve read have a lot of really clever and really well-thought-out references, ranging from history to poetry to literature to even The Rolling Stones.  

I’m not saying that they intentionally did all this stuff but they certainly could have if they wanted to.

[mcheang]

Theft

What if Feng Jiu asks Xiao Yan to steal the fruit? What if the snakes thought FJ was Aranya at first sight? This is just my mind wandering through possible scenarios.

FJ manipulated XY by reminding him he gets to spend more time with Jiheng if she is trapped in the valley. And does he really want his beloved to be in further debt to Dong Hua?

Furthermore, it is his fault Feng Jiu got caught in their stupid love triangle.

Turns out she didn’t need Xiao Yan’s help beyond emotional support because the snakes all bow to her as Aranya.

Feng Jiu splits the fruit as promised. But she wants to leave the valley now. It’s a good thing XY can help her with that. But it’s better she bid her friends goodbye first.

When Dong Hua returns, Feng Jiu avoids him and makes sure to guard her fruit very carefully. She doesn’t trust Dong Hua anymore but has to get out somehow.

DH would rather she stay away from Xiaoyan but is disappointed by the fact that Fengjiu is distantly hostile towards him now.

Dong Hua asks for the fruit and hears the news that the fruit had been stolen. Feng Jiu had a credible alibi as she is terrified of snakes and not so powerful as to defeat them.

Xiaoyan takes the blame and admits he stole it for Feng Jiu and Jiheng to share. This is partly because he feels guilty for pushing FJ and DH together.

Jiheng owes him too so can’t accuse him. Dong Hua makes sure Xiao Yan goes unpunished since the former was in the wrong and the latter being punished would just make Feng Jiu worry.

FJ is wary of DH’s offer to return her home, asking what the catch was. LS remarks that DH further distanced himself from FJ when he took away her prize, he knew how much she wanted it.

Dong Hua apologizes and explains his reasons, as well as informs Feng Jiu he knows what she has done for him. Feng Jiu just wants to forget about it all and move on. She asks Dong Hua not to involve her anymore. She is tired of being wronged by him.

XY takes FJ outside.

Once back outside, FJ escapes to home.

DH believes FJ hates him but in truth, she doesn’t hate him. She just wants to be done with him since nothing but misfortune happens when she’s around him. She doesn’t care who Jiheng ends up with so long as they leave her out of their stupid love triangle. FJ avoids DJ out of fear he will try to use her to make JH jealous or get revenge for her fruit theft.

DH wants to apologize to FJ and make it up to her but how? The amnesia potion might come in handy. But her family and friends are well aware of her current feelings.

In the end, Dong Hua uses the valid excuse that Miao Luo is after Feng Jiu and she needs to be under his protection.

Feng Jiu is sent back to Tai Chen palace where Dong Hua will try to find a way to give her a better shield.

Feng Jiu is so not happy with this arrangement.

Until Dong Hua finds a solution to protect her, she has to stay beside him.

Feng Jiu makes her sword case to distract herself. Dong Hua pretends to do research - actually he just stares at Feng Jiu and uses the Miaohua glass to learn how he has wronged Feng Jiu: among the scenes he witnessed: himself basically taking Jiheng’s side when she stole credit for fixing the weapon design, ignoring her for days during the wedding, causing her to cry when Jiheng gloated about the fruit and Feng Jiu bitterly complained that Dong Hua could have given Jiheng something that wasn’t rightfully hers...

Feng Jiu avoids Dong Hua’s attempt to socialise. He tries to apologize but she dismisses the whole situation and tries to absolve him of blame because she doesn’t want him to owe her.

Dong Hua offers to help her revive Qingti but she refuses again.

Finally in an attempt to gain her attention, Dong Hua feigns injury when he goes to check on Miao Luo. Feng Jiu is admittedly disarmed.

Dong Hua comments that she is finally talking to him for real. Feng Jiu mutters she doesn’t want to become a pawn again.

Dong Hua: pawn? Why would you say that?

Feng Jiu: because Xiao Yan already told me you were using me to make Jiheng jealous.

DH: but Jiheng and I have nothing to do with each other.

FJ: sure...that’s why you robbed me of my fruit and gave it to her!

DH: Xiao Bai, I thought I already told you why I didn’t give it to you. And I already apologized.

FJ: I’ve been fooled by you before. How can you expect me to believe you now.

Dong Hua: what must I do to get you to believe me, Xiao Bai? I like you. That is the truth.

Feng Jiu raises an eyebrow. “My aunt told me once that the most sincere form of a love declaration is carving one’s own heart out.” But they both know that if DH does that, he loses half his power.

When the case is finished, Dong Hua takes Feng Jiu out on an unofficial date to the mortal world where there is a festival going on.

There Miao Luo attacks Feng Jiu but Dijun defends her.

Feng Jiu insists to know what progress Dijun has found to defend her because she can’t stay stuck in Taichen palace forever.

Dijun doesn’t want her to leave but can’t delay in the face of her impatience. He suggests they follow Feng Jiu’s nonchalant suggestion. He can carve a ring out of half his heart and when she wears it, the ring will protect her from Miao Luo.

Feng Jiu protests that it is too much but Dijun says that he wants to prove he is sincere towards her. So this is a 2 birds 1 stone situation for him.

Once the ring is made, Feng Jiu is forced to believe Dong Hua is sincere. (The dude literally gave her his heart and half of his power....) but she still isn’t sure about her own feelings.

She thought she moved on already.

Dong Hua just asks that she give him a chance.

Feng Jiu tentatively accepts.

Her family have mixed feelings over Dong Hua’s courtship but permit it.

Feng Jiu moves back to her aunt’s home.

With the ring, Feng Jiu really is safe since it conjures a strong barrier against whatever threatens her.

Rumours abound that Dong Hua and Feng Jiu are seeing each other.

Zhi He hears of this and rushes back, demanding to see her Brother. She asks him questions of how Feng Jiu deserves him, how is she better than Zhi He, etc. But Dong Hua sees no reason to indulge her interference and sends her away again.

He even brings back the butterfly servant to serve Feng Jiu.

Jiheng hears of the courtship and grows depressed. She asks Xiao Yan to take her outside and visits Tai Chen Palace, asking to be a maid.

Dong Hua refuses and sends her back to the valley.

Dong Hua continues courting Xiao Bai until she flirts back. He then proposes to her and they have a quick marriage without ceremony.

Cue Bing Cang ceremony and the revelation.

On the wedding eve, Jiheng strikes back again. When Dong Hua doesn’t appear and rumours spread, Feng Jiu rubs her ring to remind herself that Dong Hua was sincere.

Thankfully since Miao Luo hasn’t recovered her missing power, she hasn’t broken free yet. Dong Hua arrives back soon after.

The wedding recommences.

Soon Bai Gun Gun is born and Dong Hua is actually present.