#for you to see my art at all is a treat for me!!!

[changeling-droneco]

This is a bit of a controversial take, but I think a big problem is writers seem to be given a lot less but also expected to do a lot more. A bit of a double standards. Like fanfiction needs to be held to some higher standards to be worth existing. Like obviously there’s bullying and double standards and discourse for every version of fancreating but it feels like fanfic gets a lot shit for just, existing. It’s the butt of the joke, it’s complained about, people get really picky and really fighty over it.

People constantly complain about fanfics not being finished, or talking about how they refuse to read fanfic unless it’s completed. People complain if it’s over tagged, people complain if it’s under tagged, fanfic is constantly stolen for ai startups or apps trying to otherwise monetize it. Hell, If any kind of money crosses any hands even if it’s buying directly from the author people get up in arms about it being the death of fandom and yelling at people for being a part of it, even when every single fandom Etsy seller gets a pass for like, selling undertale stickers. I promise you me writing a thousand words of mcyter fanfic for like 15 bucks and my copy of a somewhat dark mlp fanfic I bought from the creator did not and could not do that. People constantly talk about “why don’t you just write original fiction if you’re going to make such a detailed fantasy au?” People get super picky about fanfic and get so weird about unfinished fanfic or refuse to engage with it at all. I see a lot more hate or ire or mean spirited jokes pointed at authors more then I see appreciation or care. I know every form of fan creation gets this, but it just feels like crap at how much people seem to take potshots at writers or treat them as inherently more deserving of scrutiny or as inherently more dangerous to fandom because anne rice might rise from her grave and idk delete wattpad. How fic sites get more negative attention about being evil and problematic then any more art based sites.

It’s hard to put into words ironically, but it feels like at times a good portion of fandom just, kinda hates fanfic writers? I know it’s like a small slice, but damn if they don’t get vocal at times. Though even beyond that it feels like fanfic is often seen as like, lower class of art, like it’s just inherently less serious and worthwhile then other forms of art? Fanfic being good or poignant is seen more often then not as a surprise, and then even sometimes derided for being wasted on “mere fanfiction” or mocking some like classical book or story as “just fanfiction” as a way to devalue it, as if fanfiction is unworthy of being respected as an art form and therefor anything resembling it (insert discussion about how fanfic is often seen as a more feminine thing and associated with writers often being female and how that plays into it being seen as more frivolous here)

Plus people really have no sense of boundaries with it at times. I can’t count the amount of times some YouTuber has just casually read their fanfiction for a video and derided it as weird and cringy and accidentally send a wave of people to bully the writer for being cringy. (The only time I’ve ever really seen this done well is Danny Motta because dammit if you’re gonna do it at least cosplay the anime boy you’re being shipped with, and even then he probably should have still been more solid or clear about getting permission)

I don’t have a solution either but just, stop treating authors like they are somehow more cringy or sad or lesser or dangerous then artists? Give us at least a bit of respect and acknowledgement of us being equals in creativity and innovation to other creators. Don’t be a dick about a fic set in first person or that’s formatted unusually. Especially stop bullying people over fanfic you think is bad or weird, we’ve had enough literal kids who wrote creepypasta-esque fanfic of like, dream, get bullied off the internet or worse. Someone writing grimdark fanfiction is not lesser then someone drawing a fluff comic, and vice versa.

feedback and fic in fandom (3 f's of our own)

This conversation about feedback on fic says everything I’ve been wanting to say better than I could say it. But I’ll go ahead and try anyway.

Over the last five years or so there have been some great discussions around the rise of commodification of fanworks and decline of fandom community. This commodification looks a bit like enshittification of the internet: a cool site exists; its popularity makes someone realize they can get money from it; it has more and more ads; the site adds features to drive engagement, including The Algorithm; the things that made the site cool start to fall away. The site exists now as a vehicle purely to get clicks, and the people on it are on it solely to get clicks—to make money, to be successful, for some kind of social cachet.

AO3 doesn’t have advertisements. It’s not making money. But what is happening to fandom is proof of concept that enshittification changes the way we as humans engage. A cool website in 2004 was often a community space where you could meet people, have conversations, find cool things, and make cool things. A cool website in 2024 is either a content farm that will continually feed you enough content to hold your attention, or a social media site where your participation will come with stats to show you whether you are holding the attention of others.

AO3 wasn’t built to be a community space. It doesn’t have great functions for meeting people and having conversations. The idea was that, because fandom community spaces already existed, AO3 would serve the part of that community where you can find the cool things and store the cool things you made. It was meant to be a library in a city, not the whole city itself.

But it was also never meant to be a website in 2024, a content farm constantly generating content solely for your clicks and eyeballs and ad revenue, or a social media site where the content creators themselves vie for your clicks and eyeballs.

The most common talking point when people discuss the enshittification of fandom is the folks out there who are treating AO3 as that first kind of enshittified website: the content farm. This discussion is about how people treat fanfic as a product for consumption.

The post that kicked off the discussion on @sitp-recs’s blog was about someone who wasn’t getting very many kudos or comments on their fic, and was feeling pretty demoralized about it, then joined a discord server and found an entire channel dedicated to people loving their fic. But those on that server had never come to share that love with the author, which the author found really discouraging.

There are more and more stories like this. Someone on tiktok pulls a quote from a fic on AO3 and makes a 10-second video with them staring at a wall, the quote pasted at the bottom, music playing over it. It has 100,000 hearts, and 100 comments with people gushing over the fic, which has 80 kudos on AO3. Overall, people notice more and more hits on their fics, but fewer and fewer comments or even kudos. Fewer and fewer people seem to feel the need to interact with the author, instead treating the fic like a product to be used and discarded—which the enshittified internet (a stunning feature of late-stage capitalism!) encourages. The fandom community is dying, these stories conclude.

I agree. 100%. Both of the stories above have happened to me—viral tiktoks about my fic, secret discord channels to follow and discuss my fic—and let me tell you, it fucking sucks.

But from these observations about fandom enshittification, the discussion continues in a very odd direction. The solution to the death of fandom community is our favorite enshittification buzzword: engagement. We should engage the authors. They’re producing these products for free. We consume them at no cost. We must demonstrate our gratitude by paying them back.

It’s as though the capitalist consumption that the enshittified web encourages is so ingrained within us that we must think in terms of payment, in terms of exchange, transaction. Or as though, by forgoing payment, authors are some kind of martyrs defying capitalism, and the only way to honor their great sacrifice is comments and kudos.

Indeed, the discourse around this sometimes does veer away from capitalist rhetoric into something that smells almost religious in desperation. Authors are gods who bestow us mere mortals with the fruits of their labor benevolently, through love; the least we can do is worship them. Meanwhile the authors adopt the groveling sentiment of starving artists: I produce great art; I only humbly ask that you feed me in return.

These kinds of entreaties make my skin crawl for a number of reasons. I’m not a god. I’m not writing because I love you. I don’t expect your worship or even your praise.

I think the thing that disturbs me the most about it is that it suggests that authors (or, if the OP is feeling generous fan work creators) are the most important people in fandom. I’ve even seen posts stating that without creators, fandom wouldn’t exist—as though readers aren’t just as important. As though conversations where people discuss characterizations and plot points and randomly spin out interpretations and ideas and thoughts related to canon are meaningless. I’ve even seen people scramble to include folks having these discussions as “creators,” as though realizing that these people are necessary and integral to fandom communities but unable to drop the idea that the producers are the ones who are important. As though that person who just lurks can never count.

Is this what community is? When you join the queer community, are you expected to produce a product of your queerness? If not, must you actively participate and give back to the queer community in order to be considered a part of it? Or is it enough that you are queer, that you exist as a queer person and want to be around others who are queer, you want to be a part of something? What is community, anyway?

The problem with people raising the authors above everyone else in the community and demanding that tribute be paid is that they are decrying the “content farm” style of 2024 website out of one side of their mouth, but out of the other side are instead demanding that AO3 become a 2024-style social media website. Authors are influencers. “Engagement” and clicks are the things that really matter. They are in fact suggesting that the way to solve the commodification of fanfic is by “paying authors back” with stats.

Before anyone comes at me with the idea that comments aren’t just “stats,” I will clarify what I mean. There are literally hundreds of posts on tumblr alone claiming that any comment “helps” the author. Someone replies that they are shy to comment. Someone else replies that incoherent keyboard smashes, a single emoji, or the comment “kudos” are all that is required to satisfy the author, all that is required as tribute—all that is required as payment to keep this economy healthy.

I’m not condemning the comments that are keyboard smashes or emojis or a single kind word. I receive them. They make me happy. If anyone wants to leave such a comment on my fics, I’m really grateful for it. But this is not community-building. This is a transaction. In @yiiiiiiiikes25’s excellent response in the post linked at the beginning, they point out that “you have a cool hat” is something that is “perfectly nice” to hear from someone—and it is! We all want to be told we have a cool hat! But as they go on to say, what builds community is interactions that are deep and specific, interactions that are rich in quality, not in quantity. A kudos or a comment that says only ❤️are lovely things to receive, but they don’t build community.

My reaction, when I see people begging for kudos and comments as the only means by which to keep fandom community alive, is very close to @eleadore's. I want to say, “No. Readers do not need to comment or kudos. Believe not these hucksters who claim to know the appropriate method of fandom participation. Participate as you feel able, or not at all; nothing is required of you.”

I’ve been told before (several times) that I’m not qualified to participate in such discussions because I am an established author who has some fics with very high stats. It doesn’t matter that I have also been a new writer with almost no one reading my fics. It doesn’t matter that I still write in new fandoms where no one in that fandom knows me. It doesn’t matter that I, like any human being, still care about receiving recognition and attention and praise.

And maybe that’s correct. I personally don’t think that billionaires have a place in deciding the direction of the economy, and--if we're really going to consider fandom an economy--in fandom terms, if I’m not a billionaire, or even a millionaire, I’m definitely in the infamous “one percent.” So, just as no one wants to hear Elon Musk say “money isn’t everything,” maybe it’s not my place to say “kudos isn’t required, actually.”

That said, I’m not the only one who has a problem with the stats-based discourse around fandom community. However, the main counter-response to this discussion I see goes something like this: you shouldn’t be writing fic for validation. If you’re writing for attention, you’re doing it for the wrong reason. Authors should write fic because they love it without any expectation of return.

This is, in my opinion, missing the point of what is meant by fandom community.

I wrote fanfic before I knew that fanfic, as a concept, existed. I read books; I wanted them to be different; I wrote little stories for myself with new endings, with self-inserts, with cross-overs, with alternate universes. I did it for myself in the 90s. It never occurred to me that anyone else would do this, much less that people would share.

As @faiell points out—creating and sharing are two different things. I created fics for myself, but I decided to share them in the early 2000s because other people might like them, too. And of course, I wanted to hear whether other people liked them. How could I not? I might decorate my home just for me and not for anyone else’s preferences, but when people come over and say my house is nice, how can I not enjoy that? And if a lot of people think my house is nice, which encourages me to post pictures of it online, isn’t it understandable I might do so with the hope that more people will say my house is nice? And, honestly, if no one is appreciating my pictures, I probably won’t continue to go through the trouble of taking them and posting them. I’ll just enjoy my house that I decorated without sharing, the end.

When I found out there were whole fannish communities where people discussed canon and tossed ideas around about it, made theories and prompts and insights into the characters, fics they had written and recs for other fics and analyses of fics and art based on fics and fics based on art—I wanted to be a part of that, too. Now, sometimes, I write fic not out of an internal need to do so but out of a desire to participate in that community.

The idea that we write fic only for the love of it, then post it only because we possess it, is a process entirely centered on the self. It’s fandom in a vacuum. The idea that we share this thing, that we feel pleasure if someone likes it but feel nothing at all if no one says anything about it, that it’s completely okay to be ignored and unseen—that’s not what a community is either. That’s some weird sort of self-aggrandizement through self-effacement—because yes, there is often a weird kind of virtue-signaling in this kind of discourse.

I say this as someone who has virtue-signaled in that way: “some people write for stats, but I write for myself.” It’s bullshit. Sure, I write for myself, but why post it on the internet? Honestly, said virtue has a whiff of the capitalist machine, which would like you to produce for the sake of production, work for the sake of work. The noblest among us expect no recompense for that which they give!

The reason that I’m bringing this back around to capitalism is that capitalism actively works to dismantle community. The reason that folks are out here pleading for “engagement” in order to “pay back” authors for the products they give us “for free” is because people no longer even have the language to discuss how to participate in meaningful community. And frankly, how to build back fandom community, in the face of enshittification, is getting harder and harder to see.

But I do think that if we value fanfic and the fanfic community, it’s really, really not constructive to judge whether someone’s reasons for writing fanfic are valid. It’s also weird to me that it would be considered wrong that someone’s reason for sharing fanfic is because they would like to receive some recognition for it, when in fact that seems to be the most natural reason in the world for sharing something so private and vulnerable with the world.

Let’s go back to that idea of how hurtful it is to find out your fanfic is trending on tiktok without anyone from tiktok saying anything to you about your fic, or how it can be painful to find out there’s a secret discord channel dedicated to your fic. The people who respond to that with, “Ah, but you shouldn’t be writing to get attention!” are missing the point. The fic did get attention. It got lots. Attention obviously wasn't why the writer was writing--they were writing to participate, and they didn't get to. At all.

However, if your conclusion is that the author was upset because these particular stats were not accruing under this author’s profile, thereby preventing them from achieving the vaunted status of BNF and influencer—I don’t know, maybe you’re right. But I don’t think that’s why I, personally, have been hurt by these things, and I doubt it’s what hurt the people in these posts either. They’re hurt because they want to participate, and they have been systematically excluded by the very people they thought were part of the community they thought they could participate in.

Sure, if those folks from tiktok and the discord server all came and showered the author with kudos and comments that said “kudos,” the author might have felt satisfied enough with the quantity of this recognition that they would continue writing. But in the end, this still does nothing to address the problem of fandom community, in which the deep, meaningful recognition, interactions, and relationships in fandom are getting harder and harder to have and to build, as a result of how people now expect to engage in online spaces.

So, how to address the problem of fandom community? You probably read this long, long post hoping that I had an answer, and for that I must apologize. I don’t have solutions. My intent was to be descriptive, rather than prescriptive. I wished to outline the problems that I’m seeing in what was hopefully a slightly new or at least thought-provoking way, rather than offer solutions.

But, now that I’m talking about being prescriptive, maybe I can offer one suggestion, which is—maybe the solution to this isn’t about prescribing behavior. I do understand the irony in writing a prescription saying we shouldn’t prescribe people, but I’m going to write it anyway:

Maybe we shouldn’t be telling anyone the appropriate reasons for writing fanfic or for sharing it. Maybe we shouldn’t be telling readers they need to kudos or need to comment. If we’re going to go pointing fingers, we should be pointing at the institutions of capitalism that have made the internet what it is today—but I don’t think that’s going to solve the problem either.

But I do think that describing this problem, understanding what it actually is, not blaming readers for it and not blaming authors for it—I do think that helps. The discussion I linked at the beginning of this post is what I think of as the fandom I miss, the fandom that's now harder and harder to access, the fandom that is dying. That fandom was a social space where people had opinions and disagreed and went back and forth and gazed at their navels and then talked about Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

In the words of @yiiiiiiiikes25, it was a fuckin’ discussion about hats. And we’re hungry for it.

[lustfxq]

𝙁𝙄𝙍𝙎𝙏 𝙎𝙏𝙍𝙀𝘼𝙈 . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁

⋆.˚ ★— camboy!hyunjin

warnings: exhibition,masturbation, cam streaming, smut, dirty talk

mention of felix ── ★

A/N: this is my first smut that i wrote so i hope u like it!! im new on posting fics but please enjoy!

.𖥔 ݁ ˖ ✦ ‧₊˚ ⋅

after seeing all those celebrities doing onlyfans accounts, increasing their influence, seeing his friend felix doing it, hyunjin found himself curious. how much money do they actually make? is it such work enjoyable?

he decided his chase for fame shouldn’t limit to music and art. if one doesn’t work, the other can make up for it, so he signed up for an account on a popular cam site, the same his friend uses.

**❝princehnj❞**

.𖥔 ݁ ˖ ✦ ‧₊˚ ⋅

weeks after, he began to post whimper asmr’s, dirty talking, audio only. his account pretty much blew up, the comment section full of girls thirsting over his voice, a few men here and there and his best mate, felix. he was always encouraging him, even telling his fans about hyunjin’s account.

all the people praising made him feel excited and flustered, wanting to show himself to see their reactions.

.𖥔 ݁ ˖ ✦ ‧₊˚ ⋅

hyunjin sat on couch, put his laptop on the coffee table in front of him. he wore casual clothes, nothing too much since he didn’t know what this live would lead to. beforehand, he told felix about this and they chatted a while. he gave him tips, told him to not push myself into doing stuff he doesn’t want to and to watch out for creeps.

𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗿𝘁 𝗹𝗶𝘃𝗲…

people began to join.

𝘢𝘯𝘨3𝘭2: 𝘸𝘰𝘸

𝘮𝘢𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘧𝘧0: 𝘜𝘙 𝘚𝘖 𝘏𝘈𝘕𝘋𝘚𝘖𝘔𝘌

𝘨𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘭𝘦𝘱𝘶𝘱: 𝘖𝘮𝘨 𝘰𝘮𝘨 𝘰𝘮𝘨

he smiles shyly, waving his hand to the camera.

he takes a look at the chat. “so, this is me. i’ve decided to start recording like this too.”

𝘬𝘶𝘳𝘰𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘸𝘲: 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬 𝘩𝘰𝘵

“thank you” he replies to the comment, smiling.

𝗹𝗲𝗲𝗹𝗶𝘅𝗶𝗲 𝗷𝗼𝗶𝗻𝗲𝗱

hyunjin started smiling harder, feeling a little embarrased. he looks at the chat.

𝟱$ 𝘁𝗶𝗽 - 𝗮𝗻𝗴𝟯𝗹𝟮: 𝘆𝗼𝘂’𝗱 𝗹𝗼𝗼𝗸 𝘀𝗼 𝗴𝗼𝗼𝗱 𝗻𝗮𝗸𝗲𝗱

hyunjin stares at the sudden donation, surprised. he blushes a little, then chuckles.

“should i put on a good show then?”

fans go crazy in the chat, encouranging him. he feels lowkey ashamed because felix was there, but he did the exact same thing, and his friend was supportive, so he shouldn’t feel bad.

he lifts his shirt a little, releaving a part of his abdomen, moving the camera angle downwards for them to get a better view, then moving it back and bitting his lip playfully.

“whatcha think?” he asks.

𝘱𝘶𝘱𝘱𝘺𝘮: 𝘩𝘰𝘵 𝘢𝘴 𝘧𝘶𝘤𝘬

𝘮𝘢𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘧𝘧0: 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘪𝘵 𝘥𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘱𝘭𝘴

he smiles feeling proud of his body. he wonders if felix would say anything at all, wishing he did.

he unbottons his jeans. “felt horny today.” he looks at the camera, running his hand through his hair. hyunjin takes a moment to think about his next move, if he should indeed put on a show. he feels nervous about not strangers, but his friend seeing his nude body.

suddently, he gets a text on his phone that was next to him.

from: lixie🍓🐣

𝙙𝙤𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙜𝙤𝙤𝙙 𝙝𝙮𝙪𝙣𝙜

hyunjin sees the notification pop up. reading it, he blushes. he felt warmer inside and more eager to do it.

he takes his jeans off, leaving him in his black boxers. he leans back, giving people a view of his now hard cock through the underwear.

“‘m so hard” he says and looks at the chat. donations keep coming in. he’s liking it. he palms himself and licks his lips.

𝘣𝘦𝘢𝘳3𝘭𝘻𝘺: 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮 𝘰𝘧𝘧

𝘬𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘱𝘢𝘸𝘷: 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘶𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘥𝘪𝘤𝘬

his breath quickened. he loved all the attention and him being treated like a toy turned him on in a manner he didn’t even think of. he inhales and exhales.

“gonna cum so fast if i do.”

𝟭𝟬$

𝟱$

𝟭𝟱$

he couldn’t belive it.

“you’re all so good to me.” he says and takes down his boxers, his length twitching as it hits his abdomen. he slightly gasps at the sensation of the cold air.

𝟮𝟬$ - 𝗹𝗲𝗲𝗹𝗶𝘅𝗶𝗲

his eyes widen, almost letting out a moan.

“t-thank you lixie.” he mumbles, flustered.

hyunjin took it as a sign to continue. he puts his fingers into his mouth, sucking to get them so they get wet properly and strokes his cock lazily, moving his fist in circles, holding his tshirt up with the other hand. he whimpers, not very loud, but loud enough for the chat to hear. it got so hot, he feels like he’s burning. the only thing he can imagine is his friend watching his stream and many others worshipping him.

“won’t last long.”

he tries to read on the screen but his vision is blurry. he slows down and gets closer to the camera in order to see.

𝘴𝘶𝘻𝘻𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘯: 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘯𝘢 𝘸𝘢𝘵𝘤𝘩 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘶𝘮

𝘷𝘰𝘪𝘥23:𝘣𝘪𝘨 𝘣𝘰𝘺

oh how he loves these compliments. it’s so thrilling doing something so filthy yet being adored.

he hears a notification coming from his phone.

from: lixie🍓🐣

𝙖𝙢𝙖𝙯𝙞𝙣𝙜

he turns his head and when he sees another message from felix, God it went straight to his cock. he barely touches himself but this is overwhelming and he’s being sensitive. it is cleary for his fans that whatever he saw, made him not hold back. he stares at the camera, stroking faster, spreading his precum everywhere he can and pinching his nipple.

“a-ahh”

his stomach tightens, feeling on edge.

“fuck, im cumming.” he lets out a whimper and his orgasms hits, moaning loudly as he milks himself, all ending up on his belly and thighs. he breathes heavily, throwing his head back and closing his eyes. he almost forgot he’s still streaming until he hears the donation sound. he opens his eyes, exhausted.

𝘱𝘶𝘱𝘱𝘺𝘮: 𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘺 𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘵

𝘱𝘶𝘱𝘱𝘺𝘮:𝘴𝘰 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘤𝘶𝘮

𝘬𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘯03: 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧

from: lixie🍓🐣

𝙨𝙤 𝙢𝙚𝙨𝙨𝙮…𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙙𝙞𝙙 𝙬𝙚𝙡𝙡

hyunjin takes his phone. he blushes, feeling his heart beating out of his chest at the text. he then leans in to end the live and say goodbye.

[xxacidnekoxx]

this would send me spiraling when I was like.. 14 ... but I'm approaching 30 and I've seen it a million BILLION TIMES by now: me realizing one of my fans deleted their art: "why did you delete your beautiful art? 😿" my fan: "because you didn't act impressed enough by it so it must suck actually and now no one can see it anymore and its all because of YOU its because of YOU because you're my BIGGEST INSPIRATION and you hate it !!! so its all your fault that no one can see it anymore you should feel BAD!!! I'll delete all my blogs and never draw ever again until you say sorry" yeah this has no effect on me anymore I realize that if this is happening they were probably making art in the first place for my attention specifically which is... idk its like.. easier to just get my attention by just treating me like a normal human being?

[zweiginator]

https://www.tumblr.com/zweiginator/771055292237725696/being-arts-little-sisters-best-friend-and-youve

your mind...being childhood friends with the donaldsons and being so close with art's sister that you've been taken along on little family trips...art's parents let him bring along his best friend patrick too :(

thinking about sleeping over the same night art's having patrick over and pat says something stupid about you coming to "hang out with the big boys"

and patrick is a lot more forthcoming than art would ever be.

“c‘mon,” he tells art, sucking on the end of a cigarette. art is frantically looking underneath the balcony they’re standing on, making sure his parents can’t see what they’re doing.

“worst case scenario she says no.”

art is shaking his head. “she’s my little sister’s best friend—i just feel like it’s a bad idea. like, slimy.”

but patrick can tell he’s just scared of rejection. he hands the cigarette to art and watches him intently, how he draws the smoke into his mouth like an antidote for his anxiety, his overthinking.

“she’s not gonna say no.” patrick says it like he knows it’s true. of course, he could never know, but patrick has a confidence that makes people believe he’s all-knowing, like god or something.

so later that night patrick corners you as you’re ascending the stairs to go to sleep. you had just gotten yourself a glass of water.

“going to bed already?”

art is biting his nails. he’s already upstairs and he wishes he could close his eyes and forget all this ever happened. he could just jerk off to the thought of you like he always does. he mouths to patrick. “what are you doing?”

patrick ignores him. “it’s early.”

“not everyone sleeps in ‘til one.”

“come upstairs with us.” patrick holds your arm.

“i’m trying to go upstairs but you’re blocking me.”

“‘cause i want you to hand out with us.”

you try to ignore how patrick’s touch feels like it has ignited something in you. maybe it’s the dry spell you’ve been in or maybe it’s the devious twinkle in his green eyes, how art acts so innocent at the top of the stairs.

“hang out? in art’s room?” you swallow. “and do what?”

patrick’s jaw ticks and he shrugs. “dunno. whatever we want.”

you scoff. “i’m not that kind of girl.” and you don’t like how it sounds coming out of your mouth. you don’t say things like that and you certainly don’t think them either but you know how patrick treats women. you just wanted to get that point across. because something about his height and the flex of his bicep as he leans against the wall that makes girls lose all self respect around him. you don’t want it to happen to you.

but art, art is the opposite. he’s hot, of course, but in a different way. he’s the type of hot where he doesn’t even know it.

“what are you talking about?” patrick lets you past him.

“you know what i’m talking about.”

art butts in, face flustered. “i’m sorry. goodnight.”

“why are you apologizing? it wasn’t you.”

and art grows even redder. it makes you want to poke fun at him.

“oh—“ you stand in his doorway. art is in his room now, patrick behind you. “so you were in on it. you just wanted your friend to do the brunt of the work.”

patrick chuckles.

“i think maybe you need to learn how to ask a girl out yourself.”

“who said we’re asking you out?” patrick’s breath is hot on your neck. “you know what we’re asking you for.”

you turn around. “who the fuck do you think you are?” your heart beats fast and you feel your voice faltering.

patrick gets closer, moving in your personal space. he smells like cigarettes and peppermint gum, a tinge of citrus beer from earlier.

“if you don’t want it, then go to your room. we’ll forget any of this happened.”

and even though you swore you’d maintain your self-respect, you pull patrick in by his collar and don’t say a thing as he shuts the door behind you both.

[kiidwritings]

🐾 weird quirks cat hybrid! 141 + könig do

word count; 4744. tags/warnings; cat!hybrid 141. maybe ooc. KONIG IS NOT PART OF 141 but he is here for funsies lol. konig is fat both in human form and cat i dont make the rules. failed attempts at writing a scottish accent sorry 😿. no beta read. possible grammatical errors. lmk if anything else!

a/n: (rewriting this cuz tumblr is a bitch, dont tell me "draft saved!" when it clearly fucking didn't) anyways I LOVE HYBRID AUS I WISH I WAS PART ANIMAL RAAAHHH!! i forgot when i started this but it was definitely way after i discovered hallohello's cat cafe au on ao3. i see a lot of silly cat tiktoks on my fyp, so each character (except price, sorry peepaw ;-;) has a video linked) i did extensive research (not rlly lol) into what type of cat they'd all be cuz im insane and love cats meow :3 edit 12/24/24: holy fuck uhh hi. school started when i was like 70% finished the art for this and so im just now posting it here. im no longer fixated on cod so this'll probably be my last cod writing ough. plz enjoy anyways

pawprint divider by @/saradika-graphics. banner art by me! inspired by @/i-am-hungry-24-7 's cod cat cafe au

pairing(s): poly! cat hybrid! 141 + konig x gn!reader, platonic cat!hybrid price + reader

READ ON AO3!!

Price

If they were wolves, Price’d be the alpha no doubt

He’s the dominate male of 141 (duh, he’s the captain), not only keeping the boys in line, but also you

Just like an actual father, he gives you disappointed looks in both human and cat form when you do something even slightly against his wishes

Woke up late for work? Disappointed sigh

Fell for Soap’s pleads for more treats? A disappointed glance

He’s favorite way of spending time with you outside of going out to eat or maybe a shopping trip together was by sitting with you whenever you do work. Whether it's on your lap (which actually helps with your posture), behind your laptop, or even the majority of the time, watching the screen as you type away at some document.

Its both a blessing and a curse because he keeps you focused…even when you just wanna scroll on your phone for five minutes, he’s putting a paw on ur hand and giving you that disappointed cat dad look

You had a backload of documents and work related to the cafe that you’d been putting off but the guilt was eating away at you like a child quickly makes do with a candy bar, so instead of snuggling with Soap and Gaz on the couch to binge watch a show that took you forever to finally start up, you were sat at your desk, fingers flying across your keyboard as you inputted this month’s numbers into an excel sheet. Price, layed with his chin against his chest next to you, his ginormous and fluffy body splayed out upon the darkened wood and some extra papers you’d have to shimmy out from under him later. (Being that big made it hard to fit into places thinner cats usually could.)

You had been working for sometime now, making sure to stretch and take water breaks in between…but, all the numbers and math on your laptop screen were blurring in your head and your eyes were straining! You needed more than 5 minutes away from your screen.

With a groan, you crack your joints and lean back against the cushions of your chair. Price’s ear swiveled in your direction and he cracked an eye open. His bushy tail flicked and he left out a yawn, showing off his great fangs before shuffling around more comfortably, slowly morphing into a loaf.

You smiled and gave him a scratch behind the ear, which was met with a low rumble of purring and a tilt of his head. With your other hand, you grabbed your phone (which had been on do not disturb) and read through any notifications you got within the last three hours.

You took your hand away from Price and began to reply back to a text. He fully opened his eyes and glanced over at you. With your phone in hand, you were now hunched a bit using your elbows to keep you propped up on the desk.

Price let out a small sigh and stretched himself, back arching upwards.

Your text message conversation was obstructed by a large brown paw placing itself on your screen. You looked up and Price was staring at you with his brown eyes, pupils expanding and his ears swerving to the sides. He lets out a crunchy meow, a warning.

“What? I’ve been working for like three hours straight, don’t I deserve an actual break?” You huffed. His paw stayed and he squinted his eyes at you, before giving a slow blink. You slowly blinked back.

You knew he was just being the father figure that he was, watching out for the ones he loves, but you wanted to doomscroll dammit!...just as a little treat.

Price finally removed his paw before jumping down from the desk (his tail brushing against your nose and causing you to sputter). He looked back at you as you stared from your desk chair. You knew what that meant- he wanted you to follow him. With a sigh and a small smile, you got up from your chair, feeling how heavy your limbs got from sitting still for all that time. 

With a pleased mreow, he led you into the living room before stretching himself up to the twine pole on the cat tree. Ah, he wanted you to stretch too!

Remembering some warmups from your Sunday yoga class, you felt your joints pop and muscles strain as you stretched your achy body.

Once satisfied, he jumps atop the couch and slow-blinks at you again. You join him, lying down and staring up at him. He continues to purr as he lets his tail slump down and brush against your nose again, causing you to erupt with giggles.

Soap

Out of all five cats, Soap had to be the most chaotic one.

Whether it was failing to jump from one perch to another and pouting about it, getting bopped in the head by Ghost, or his meows that lasted so long you’d wonder how strong his little kitty lungs were, he was definitely the one who got the most attention for his silly antics at the cafe

He was like this even in his human form, he’s following you around the apartment, chatting away or always keeping a hand on your figure (it was no doubt his love language was physical affection, you had so many pictures of him all snuggled up with the others)

Whenever you found something that triggered a silly response, you would milk it till it became a new normal 

But one thing that’ll never get old is his reaction to butt scratches... 

When the weather was bad, the cafe was usually pretty quiet. Few customers came in and the cats were rather calm. Price took his usual spot upon the highest wall perch, Gaz was grooming himself and purring at people’s feet, Ghost was helping in the back, König would occasionally stick his head out from his little hiding box, and Soap was unusually sleepy. He’d let himself get fonded over, meow a bit, try and rile up the other, but he mostly lounged around. You could see in his little cat face that something was up. 

He slacked a bit when it came to helping clean up after closing and upon returning to the apartment, flopped down on your bed. With his face fully engulfed in the pillow, he seemed dead to the world. Kyle made a teasing remark which was only met with an exaggerated groan and a sad flick of his tail.

Everyone else had gone to do their own things; Price went home, Kyle and Ghost were on the couch watching TV with König (still in his cat form) lounging on the latter’s lap, purring up a storm.

“You haven’t been yourself today, Johnny. What’s wrong?” You ask, slipping into some lightweight sweatpants and sitting next to his figure on the bed. His cat ears flick up and towards you and he let out another groan and turned his head towards you. Johnny’s got that look on his face, it's different from his pleading pouts- which never falls you make you fold for him. 

No, this look is exhaustion, like he’s been drained of all his usual boyish enthusiasm. Like he can’t find a reason to get out of bed. There’s no usual purr resounding from his chest or a mischievous glint in his eyes, in fact, they looked clouded with depression like the sky outside, focused on nothing in particular.

Your heart ached from him. Seasonal depression was a bitch. When the seasons shifted and the clouds lingered in the sky more than you would like, it made the world seem less enjoyable. Constant rain made you want to sit in bed all day and binge eat and when the snow fell from the sky like flour through a sifter, you couldn’t even bring yourself to open the blinds, knowing the sight of the powdery white clinging to buildings would send your mind spiraling.

Not only that, but the dreary weather caused his knee to act up, like the joints were stuck together no matter what stretches he did.

You climbed into bed behind Johnny and wrapped your limbs around him, giving him a squeeze. His tail snaked around your leg and you felt his body relax. The added warmth was what you and Johnny needed to fend off the mysterious draft flowing through the flat.

His ear twitches as your breath fanned over it, “Why don’t you shift and we can snuggle, hmm suds?” You whisper to him and give him a soft smile.

He mumbles something at the nickname but compiles, slipping off his clothes and shifting into a brown Scottish fold, his blue eyes still shining. Johnny plops himself on your chest and makes some soft biscuits, his purr rattling your chest. He looks so much more relaxed now- he was your living weighted doll.

Johnny begins to settle down enough to doze off while you scroll on your phone. You scratch behind his ear a little and he tilts his head at maximum relaxation. Your hand slowly moved down his body- you went from his chin, to his back, poking his tummy a bit, then to the base of his tail. It twitches, swishing a bit against your hand but when you start scratching, Johnny’s butt lifts and his eyes crack open.

You giggled at his enjoyment of simple butt scratches, but this was the beginning. You shape your hand into a claw and scratch a bit more intensely. His purring increases and he lifts his head in pleasure, arching his back. Johnny let out a long meow followed by what can only be described as ‘wah wah wah wah wah’.

Nevermind the fact that his claws were digging into your chest, you both were enjoying the moment. His tail was practically wagging and he looked blissed out from butt scratches. Unable to control yourself, you burst into laughter and stopped scratching. His body went back to its relaxed state and he stared at you, his little blue eyes wide.

Johnny turned away with the best equivalent to a pout a cat could give. “Feel good, suds?” You asked through a laugh and all he responded back with was a ‘mrow’ of embarrassment.

Kyle

Kyle was the certified pretty boy, both in the group and according to the cafe’s customers

Every video or picture with him on the cafe’s socials gets a shit ton of likes

(you most popular post is gaz licking soap’s head while soap licks ghost’s head, who seem rather calm with everything and König watching from the side, wanting to join in)

He’d sit and flaunt himself in little cat outfits, or meow sweetly at the customers who couldn’t help and coddle him, like mind control, and even using that boyish charm on you and the others (he’s been found snuggled up to Ghost on more than one occasion, the pair’s tail tangled together and occasionally chirping at each other)

Kyle enjoyed watching you cook both as a human or cat. he was also one of the only ones who could be trusted up there; Soap and König stole food, Ghost couldn’t care less and when he did, he would knock things over (and although Price doesn’t live with you all, he got a bit sneezy around all the spices and seasonings)

Tonight’s dinner was chicken parmesan and spaghetti, so after Kyle helped with a bit of prep (being the gentleman he is), he shifted and hopped onto his little spot on the counter

After breading the chicken breasts, you popped the first patch into the air fryer. You set a big pot upon the stove, turning the flame to medium and drizzling some oil into it. Kyle sat loafed, observing you move around the kitchen, gathering ingredients, keeping an eye on the chicken, as well as having to shoo some mischievous kitties out the kitchen.

Once the water begins to bubble, causing Kyle’s ears to swivel in its direction, you slide the noodles into the water. You stir them around before opening up the air fryer. Steam poured out along with a wave of heat and the delicious smell of chicken.

“Oh man, I can’t remember the last time I had chicken parm.” If you were in a cartoon, you’d be comically salivating at the sight of the crispening chicken. Kyle seemed just as interested because he stretched his neck out a bit and you could see his little pink nose wiggling.

You started flipping each piece over, allowing for equal crisp on both sides, when you held up a smaller piece. “Want a sniff, pretty boy? I can trust you not to snatch this away from me.” You cooed at him, lowering the chicken to his nose. He instantly began to sniff, his tail swishing a bit. His pupils expanded and his mouth became ajar, and he started huffing like his nose was clogged or something.

You snorted as he turned away, mouth still agape and his eyes wide. Was this some weird cat quirk? None of the others did this and Kyle has had chicken before, but damn if this wasn’t cute!

He could get away with almost anything if he flashed his big brown eyes at you. (When he scratched your hand up after König tipped over the catnip jar, he just rubbed his little kitty face against your bandages and gave you a small meow. Or when he’d eaten the last brownies you were looking forward to after a long and hard day, he kissed along your neck and face before whispering sweetened apologies in your ear.)

“Smell yummy, hmm, Kyle? Never seen you do this before.” You giggled as he licked his lips and closed his mouth. He meowed back before stretching his front limbs, going into Sphinx-pose.

After a couple moments, you move onto the pasta, taking a noodle out and blowing before nibbling on it. ‘Needs more time…’ you thought as you looked over at Kyle, who’s eyes were closed and his tail flicked momentarily. You smirk as you grab another noodle and shimmy over to him. His ears swivel towards you and he cracks one eye open. 

“Give this a smell?” You asked as you held the noodle in front of him. Like clockwork, his mouth parted as he huffed and sniffled at the semi limb pasta.

You laughed as he even squinted his eyes, as if in deep concentration over the smell of this bland noodle.

And just like a cat, he reacted faster than you, jumping back at Johnny jumped on the counter and snatched the noodle out from between you two fingers, skidding out the kitchen and under the cat tree.

“NO! Dammit Johnny! You’re so greedy!” You fumed as you went to scold him. Gaz’s eyes closed in satisfaction and he went back to lounging.

Ghost

You’re still finding out things about simon

Not that there isn’t some level of trust between you two, but he’s just an enigma to everyone

It took him almost 6 months for him to finally agree to sit in at the cafe as a cat and not just help in the back

Unlike most black cats online, he doesn’t really have any of those quirks

Sure he likes to knock things over, bat at the other’s (mainly soap and König) when he was annoyed, and hit your legs whenever you walk by, but those were normal cat things

He spent more time in his human form (unless he needed his alone time, then he snuggled himself into his cat cubby), so when he was shifted, you enjoyed spending as much time observing him like he was his more bigger counterpart- the black panther

Simon was overall a pretty normal cat

You’d learnt all his favorite scratching spots, his favorite football (im so american RAAAAGHHH) team, his designated spot on the bed, and exactly how he enjoyed his tea

He was never really as vocal as a human or cat. If he wanted something, he’d either stare you down or bat at you. If someone was annoying him, he had a hardy hiss that got anyone backing off (he’s only ever growled at price, having too much respect for the man)

When out, Simon was protective; walking on the outer part of the sidewalk, opening doors for you, making sure you were always walking in front of him, even when snuggling he’d hiss at the others so you two can be alone 

Who said Simon Riley wasn’t a softie under all that eye-black and classic skull balaclava?

Spring was finally here, long gone the days of constant clouds hanging over the city and random cold fronts. The city planters had bedded tulips around the neighborhood flower beds, people were out and about during the weeks, outside tables at diners and cafes finally being occupied, and the sun warming up your apartment and your heart.

The cafe was busy today, groups enjoying pastries and drinks while the cats ran around.

Gaz and Soap were playing around, slipping under tables and playing with the customers. König even let a few people pet him (which caused him to chirp and get even more pets). Price was helping in the back (people always complimented the drinks when he made them, so you let him handle those to help boost his ego), and Ghost sat on a high perch attached to the window, too high for anyone ton reach him, but in a good spot to catch some of the breeze that came through the screen door.

You came over to check on him and all he did was swish his tail and slow blink at you. You could hear people coo at his bright pink beans as he stretches before rolling back over. It was nice to see Simon out and about during busy hours, he’d usually hide away from everyone, including Soap and König who loved his personal space. (Out of the two, Soap has gotten the most bats to the head while König has been nipped twice.)

You’re chatting with some customers, Gaz sits proudly in the lap of one of them when there’s a clattering outside and you see someone passing by has knocked over the black board outside. You roll your eyes a bit, excusing yourself and exiting the cafe to pick it up back.

“Some people…jeez.” You grumble as you straighten it back up. As you're crouched down, a shadow casts above you and when you look up, there’s a brunet giving you an apologetic smile. His hair is sleek and he’s wearing a cool gray office suit. 

“Ah, sorry about that, sweets.” The unnecessary pet name has your nose wrinkling, but you keep your displeasure masked. 

“It’s ok, nothing’s broken.” You say as you brush off your knees and straighten up. He’s average height and build, nothing to gawk over but not bad looking. He’s got a glint in his eye and before you can turn away, he’s opening his mouth. 

“I pass here everyday and I’ve seen you hustling around, like a cute little maid. You own this place, eh?” The more he talks, the more you get the urge to spit at his feet- those obnoxiously shiny loafers. You just grit your teeth and force a polite smile.

“Mhmm, yup. I’ve got some order to make so I’ll be-.” 

“I never liked cats, too hairy and mean, but I’d come here for you.~ You should be the main face of this cafe instead of those...pets, sales would be booming if you just flashed a pretty little smile.” He flashes his pearly whites and you suddenly feel exposed under his sultry gaze. 

“I, uhh, appreciate it but I have to go-.” He takes a step towards you, his hand ready to grasp onto your arm when there’s a clunk against the window behind you. 

Ghost, with big eyes and his body fluffed up like a sea urchin stood on his hind legs, body pressing against the glass like if he tried hard enough, he could phase through and slice the bastard's face into flesh ribbons. His claws scratch at the glass and he lets out a hiss that sounds loud even through the window. Customers and the other cats look over at the scene and the office man wrinkles his nose. Ghost keeps hissing and presses himself more into the glass, definitely leaving marks where his nose and paws were pressing.

In human form, you were blessed if you never at the receiving end of Ghost's intimidation, but as a cat, seeing him before a black puff ball of rage was certainly cute.

“You keep feral cats in your cafe?!” The man asks, disgusted by Ghost's actions of pure rage. You’ve never seen Ghost get so aggressive, but in this moment, you’re thankful.

“Yep, so maybe it’s best you don’t stop by!” You huff at him and turn curtly back into the cafe, ignoring his grumbles and curses at Ghost as he continues to stare down the sleazeball. 

Even after the man has gone down the street, Ghost is still seething. He stills alert in his window perch and watches the people go by. Some stop to coo at him through the glass despite his deadly glare so he goes to his hiding spot to brood. 

Once the last group leaves and everyone shifts back to help clean up, Ghost peeks his little head out. You squat down and give him a smile. He just glares.

“Thank you, Si. I appreciate the backup.” You boop his nose and he growls before batting at your hand. You just laugh and coo at him more. 

“Seems like you have a little katze bodyguard.” König teases as he wipes down some tables. Ghost hisses and slinks out of hiding, making his way to the back area to get dressed and wash dishes.

König

being raised in a poor household with just his mutter and oma, he struggled but was also spoiled, wanting to be given the best life they could provide for him

His mom would sometimes not eat just to provide her growing boy a full meal

And man did he grow…

At age 13, Anton was 5’11 and 145 lbs. And according to his doctor, he wasn’t done growing yet!

He was outcasted by his peers, bullied and teased for how his second hand clothes never truly fit over his stomach or how his shoes were slowly falling apart

Over his years of being in the military, a balanced diet, and an intense workout routine, some of that fat turned to muscle but his body was still plump

His stomach hadn’t formed any abs, his thighs spread when he sat, and his arms if not flexed jiggled

He’d gotten better with his body issues, and with the help of loving partners and therapy he didn’t scowl looking in the mirror

He’d still grow flustered when you’d playfully pat his stomach or when soap’d tease about getting him into something more revealing to show off his fat ass, his creamy white skin blooming a bright red which ensued even more teasing

Add onto being a maine coon hybrid, his cat form was also a bit chubby under all that fur

When he ran, his pouch swung side to side and he had trouble fitting into smaller perches kitties like soap and gaz lounged on with ease

Each of the cats had a specific level of the cat tree dedicated to them. König’s favorite spot was a little perch in the center of the cat tree that had a small hole in the middle. It was meant for cats to stick their heads through and play with each other, but with his large physique, he took over that whole platform

Sundays were usually when you tried to get everything done before the work week started back up again. Groceries were dwindling and Price wasn’t gonna let you eat take out anymore (you’d accidently let slip on the phone that you got the same delivery drive twice in a row and he pressured the rest out of you).

Kyle had just ventured to the bedroom to receive some clothes, wanting to spend some time with his Captain and his partner, Simon and Johnny opted to stay home, and König…you actually hadn’t heard from him in a while.

Pulling a shirt over your head, you headed into the living room. The TV was playing a rerun while Johnny splayed his legs over Simon’s, who didn’t seem bothered. Entering the living room, you pass by the couch and to the cat tree, where a big mass of dusty orange fur sat, front legs dangling off the edge.

You poke his back, and the skin jumps as he lets out a ‘merr!’ and lifts his head. König yawns, sticking his pink tongue out and you boop the tip. He snaps his mouth shut and gives another chirp. His long ear flicks and he licks his lips as you speak.

“You thinking about joining us, we’re heading to the store. We might need your muscles carrying the bags, big boy.” You stroke his back and you feel him arch up a bit.

König seems to be thinking in his little kitty mind before laying his head back down with a small and dainty, “Maow!” 

You giggle, he’s always had a high pitched voice. He was another silent kitty next to Ghost, only using his meow at home or occasional chirps in the public eye of cafe customers. (This didn’t stop them from cooing at his squeaky voice and he’d grow embarrassed.)

“D’aww, ok. You can stay home with the lovebirds, König.” You scratch his back some more, before you see a mound hanging down from the platform’s underside.

“Oh? What’s this?” You tease as you squat down. You knew what it was, you were just feeling a bit cheeky today. König chirped and his tail swished and he watched you gaze at his belly.

It was round and a nice cream color compared to the rest of his fur. It was also weirdly the softest part of him. You grinned as you poked it, running your hands along it like feeling a baby bump. König chirped again, it sounded like a whine, but that didn’t stop you.

“So chubby, no wonder even Ghost has trouble picking you up. At least we know you’re eating well! I like my partners' big boned and my cats chonky.” You jiggled and played with his stomach more before König let out a meow of annoyance, but it was too cute for you to take offense to!

You straightened back up to give him some deserved chin scratches for putting up with your antics. But with a huff, König stood up and turns away, making sure to smack your face with his tail before jumping down and off to the bedroom, pouch swaying as he trotted off. (You heard Kyle give a kiss to the gentle giant and offer him the same deal, to which he agreed to! So cheeky!)

“Ya’ gotta quit bullyin’ the lad! No wonder he ‘as a new favorite!” Johnny says as his eyes were now on you, but his gaze focused elsewhere but your eyes. You stammered to defend yourself. König truly didn’t mind, you’d talk about it before but you always kept it to light teasing and never any insults. He’d tease you back, despite how reserved he was, his hooked nose would scrunch when he made a remark that had you gawking and pouting at him. 

“I-I wasn’t bullying König! Also you saw his stomach, it’s like this when he walks!” You mimic the motion by making a side to side motion with your hands, feeling flushed now having been called out.

Johnny just smirked as Simon spoke up, “Unless you plan on shopping in your knickers, I’d suggest you finish dressing.”

As if on queue, a breeze ruffled the satin curtains and tickled your bare legs, skin erupting with goosebumps. You blush harder and stomp past the couch, not without receiving a swat on the butt from Johnny, who can only laugh as you swear back at him.

(With each trip that issued carrying groceries, you were left struggling, hands burning from the strain, while König chivalrously took bags from Kyle's hands, them both throwing you smug smirks.)

[mommyownsmee]

About how I learned to love Brats, Pillow Princess behaviour & the Art of Dominance

Recently, I’ve been thinking a lot. Something in the way I think changed.

Every Submissive always talks about being a “good girl”—doing what makes the Dom/me happy, always being obedient and eager to learn. I used to think that is the way it always has to be. Used to. For over ten years as a Domme, I thrived on that concept: A “good girl” has to follow rules and submit without hesitation. For years, I thought that was the pinnacle of submission.

But the thing about power is that it evolves. True power doesn’t stay stagnant—it grows, adapts, and deepens with experience. Over time, I’ve come to realize that submission is more nuanced than a simple checklist of behaviors. It’s raw, alive, and deeply personal. Submission isn’t about perfection. It’s really all about connection.

For years, I believed brattiness in every way always needed to be corrected. To me, it once felt like resistance, a flaw, or a rebellion that threatened the structure of the dynamic. But now, I see it differently. Now, I see it as a form of self-expression. A way for my submissive to show her fire, her confidence, and her trust in me.

Yes, trust. Because it takes trust to push boundaries. It takes trust to tease, to play, and to challenge the person who holds the power. And when my submissive does that—when she smirks and says, “Mommy, I’m the most beautiful girl in the world, aren’t I? Others must have it really hard, not being as perfect as me,” or when she pouts and demands, “Mommy, I want it because I deserve it”—I don’t see rebellion anymore.

I see confidence. I see life. I see a woman who knows her worth and isn’t afraid to own it.

And it’s sexy. Damn sexy.

Bratty behavior doesn’t weaken the dynamic. It strengthens it. It adds layers, complexity, and depth. It turns submission into a dance—a playful, sensual exchange of power where no one is truly in control except for me. And yet, her fire ignites something primal in me. It keeps me sharp, keeps me present, and keeps our connection electric.

Being a Domme for over a decade has taught me that dominance isn’t just about control. It’s about responsibility in a other way than I thought it is. It’s about seeing my submissive for who she is—not just the quiet, obedient girl who kneels perfectly at my feet, but the playful, demanding princess who knows what she deserves and isn’t afraid to say it.

Why should I suppress that part of her? Why should I try to mold her into someone different and docile when her strength and confidence are what make her so captivating?

When she teases me, when she pushes the boundaries, it’s not defiance. It’s trust. She knows I’m strong enough to handle it, to match her energy, to guide her through it without breaking her spirit. That’s the real power of dominance—not in silencing her, but in allowing her to roar, knowing I’ll hold her steady when she’s ready to submit.

That doesn’t mean she doesn’t have to put in the effort sometimes. Of course she does. Submission is a two-way street. There are moments when she needs to kneel, to focus, to give herself fully to me. But those moments don’t need to be constant. Submission isn’t about perfection—it’s about authenticity.

Some nights, she doesn't want to exert any strength. She wants to be my Pillow Princess, indulgent and adored. And why shouldn’t she? Why should she always have to work for my approval when my love for her is unconditional?

I’m the Domme. It’s my responsibility to take care of her.

When she looks at me with that confident sparkle in her eyes and says, “Mommy, I deserve to be treated like the princess I am,” not a single muscle in my face flinches—even though my heart skips a beat every time.

“Oh, is that so, my darling?” I ask, leaning forward, my voice soft but commanding. My thumb brushes over her lower lip, and I lock my gaze on hers. “Then show me how much you deserve it.”

She melts, every time. It’s a game we play, a game of confidence and submission, of power and vulnerability. She knows I’ll always win, but she also knows I love the fire in her eyes when she dares to try.

Her brattiness doesn’t threaten my dominance. It enhances it. It reminds me of why I do this—why I’ve spent over a decade mastering the art of control, not to break someone, but to guide them. To make them feel safe, cherished, and understood.

When I pull her close, kiss her hair, and promise her that she’ll get everything she deserves, it’s not just words. It’s a vow. A vow to build her up, to nurture her, and to remind her every single day that she’s mine.

And tomorrow? Tomorrow, she’ll kneel. Not just because I demand it, but because she craves and wants it. Because submission is her gift to me, and my gift to her is the freedom to express it in all its forms—bratty, playful, vulnerable, and fierce.

That’s the beauty of our dynamic. It’s not rigid or predictable. It’s alive, pulsing with energy, passion, and trust. And as her Domme, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

For me, there’s nothing more intoxicating than that.

[stychu-stych]

Ok that comic about Narinder's resurrection took me much longer than I was expected 💦 but I'm almost done! for now here's some artvsartist I made

There'll be probably no more posts before 31.12, so I just wanna say thank you all for that year. I started publishing my CotL stuff in February few days after my birthday as a treat and because I didn't want to spam on my tattoo profile too much with my digital art. I didn't know back then that so many of you will be interested in my work. I didn't expect that I'll draw so many fanarts, that I'll be able to print my own artbook and I'll be seriously thinking about making a patreon. You're such a great community, I've read and even heard on some conventions so many nice things from you, I had a chance to talk and interact more with other great artists and writers in the community. Also welcome all new people, hope you'll like it here ✨ See you in 2025

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

About Malleus new years card, given how heavily Japanese culture it goes into. It might be a hagoromo, a white cloth/scarf that floats in the air around a goddess. Given that Malleus is the strongest mage, it might be a symbolism of that. Even so it's used for goddess, Vil and a few others worn clothing meant for women. It wouldn't be unusual to be used for Malleus.

[Referencing this post!]

These asks are all about the fashion of the New Year’s Attire cards and how they relate to Japanese culture, so I thought to combine them ^^

Since I’m responding to three asks in one post and it takes a while to explain things, I’ve placed everything under the cut :> There’s a lot of discussion of Japanese clothing, culture. and folklore in this, so if you’re interested in those topics then you’re in for a treat!!

To the first ask: Though Twst is fairly gender fluid when it comes to dressing its characters, I'm certain that's not a 羽衣 (hagoromo/"feather garment/cloak"; typically worn by celestial women in Japanese mythos). Hagoromo are thinner, longer, and more scarf-like than what is depicted in Malleus's initial card art. You can tell that he's clearly got a sheet that covers his entire body there. The fabric also doesn't appear to be floating like a hagoromo would.

The first two images depict 被衣 (kazuki/katsugi); the latter two images depict 羽衣 (hagoromo); you can see there is a notable visual distinction between them.

To the second ask: It’s possible that the artists looked at kabuki fashion for inspiration, but they most likely did not base the entirety of the New Year’s Attire outfits on that alone. As Yana states in one March 2023 interview, she and her team try to avoid creating outfits that too closely resemble a single real-world culture or brand. To that end, they seem to pull their inspiration from many different cultures and time periods, which is why you'll see a mixture of traditional and modern Japanese elements in the New Year’s Attire.

歌舞伎 or Kabuki, for those who don't know, is classical form of Japanese theatre which mixes dramatic performances with traditional music and dance. I consulted with a few friends who are familiar with Japanese culture (hereby referred to as A-ko, B-ko, C-ko, and D-ko) about the topic and they had some enlightening information to share. Because I am not familiar with the art form or how to gauge it myself, I will be relaying the information provided by those friends in addition to my own research. A-ko informed me that kabuki used to be co-ed (or at least did feature women; the first kabuki troupe formed was all-women) and modern kabuki is all-men. As for the poses, B-ko remarked that they can be considered common "festival dance poses", not strictly kabuki poses. C-ko added, "[...] There is very little, if anything, kabuki-like about the New Year’s cards apart from possibly SOME of the poses [...] Jack is probably the most kabuki we’re going to get because of the dynamic palm thrust and gaudy composition of his attire."

Overall, the group seemed to agree that the New Year’s Attires lack the over-the-top expressions and elaborate costumes of kabuki. There’s also the more obvious lack of full-face stage makeup, but it’s kind of a given that Twst is wouldn’t go this route, especially since the context of these cards is helping out in a store and not putting on a dramatic performance.

On the topic of Malleus and oni (Japanese yōkai, demon, orc, ogre, or troll), I don't think he's intended to look like one??? Sure, he has the horns, but as B-ko said, "[Malleus] always has those horns." Very little in his actual outfit resembles the costume a kabuki actor playing the part of an oni would wear--unless you count the excessive black, as that's a color typically used for oni, but that black is usually paired with red. As for the hair styling, D-ko explained, "Oni usually don't have hair [...]". I find it interesting that some oni masks I found do seem to have hair, but it's usually very sparse omg balding!Malleus real???? and/or a middle part and not the sideways part that Malleus is sporting. Additionally, while oni do have horns, the shape of them is nothing like Malleus’s.

It's true that fur is rarely seen in historical Japanese clothes, but they don't seem to be that common in kabuki either?? According to C-ko, "fur and pelts [...] were a luxury few could afford. Thus, only those people decorated with furs would be royalty or individuals vying for power.

B-ko suggested that the reason why Jack wears fur in his New Year’s Attire isn’t to emulate Kabuki—which tends to feature fluffy wigs, like the one pictured below—but to emphasize his “wolf”-ness and to keep him warm from the cold. C-ko pointed out, however, that “[…] fur accents (like what Jack has) became the trademark for popular and celebrated figures [...] towards the end of the warring states period; when kabuki came into vogue, many plays were inspired by the lives of such personae as well as the legends surrounding them. This is why much of kabuki is characterized by the term basara—of grandeur and ostentatious eccentricity. The actors themselves would not have had access to furs, so they focused instead upon conveying that same sort of energy through their theatrics and outlandish couture. They still used substitutes, of course.” C-ko also added, “The most memorable kabuki roles feature things like fur—which many associate with kabuki.”

Finally, the group altogether said that, “Vil isn’t [dressed like] a geisha. His outfit bears no resemblance to what geisha wears.” 芸者 or Geisha are highly trained Japanese hostesses who entertain guests with song, dance, and conversation—furthermore, there’s a rigorous training process and a very specific appearance they take on. Makeup aside (if Twst is not doing kabuki makeup, why would they do geisha makeup?), a feminine figure and long, flowing kimono is not enough to get the “the look”. B-ko commented, “[…] Calling Vil [dressing like] a geisha just because he wore a feminine kimono […] Like, damn. Does that mean every woman who wears that style [of a] kimono is a geisha now?” It takes considerable time and dedication to achieve this to earn the title; it’s not meant to be taken lightly!

From D-ko, “Overall Vil’s outfit is kinda westernized.” This is due to the hat, gloves, bows, fishnets, and laced collar. A traditional geisha’s outfit lacks the bells and whistles that Vil’s design boasts. The silhouette also seems to be wrong. Why? “Because technically you try to make your silhouette as not curvy as possible when wearing a kimono,” but Vil’s silhouette appears more hourglass-like. The devil is in the details!!

Lastly, to the third ask: Going to skip over talking about Jack's umbrella pose and the kabuki inspiration, since I already addressed that earlier in this post! I'll briefly add that it's not for sure that Malleus is meant to be a certain thing unless Yana and/or her team come out and say it. B-ko agreed, saying "I don't think you can say Malleus is definitely [Ushiwakamaru], since I literally gave [other examples of what] he's dressed like [...] I can understand 'taking inspirations from', though..."

In the final ask, Anon remarks that Jack and Malleus's looks may be inspired by that of 弁慶 (Benkei) and 牛若丸 (Ushiwakamaru), two characters from Japanese folklore. Ushiwakamaru is the nickname of Minamoto no Yoshitsune, who, according to C-ko, "[...] fought and recruited his loyal vassal Benkei in a fabled confrontation on a bridge." While some elements of Jack and Malleus's New Year's Attires resemble what Ushiwakamaru and Benkei are usually depicted wearing--especially Malleus's veil--not all of it matches up. For example, as B-ko notes, "[...] what Malleus is wearing under the veil isn't what Usiwakamaru is wearing, but looks [like] more of a kannushi (神主/"divine master (of ceremonies; often Shinto clergy)")." B-ko linked this site and recommended checking it out to make clothing comparisons; the kannushi garb was just an item they picked out for similarities on a cursory glance. This brings me back to a point I mentioned in the second ask: Twst's fashion takes inspiration from many sources and blends them.

"I think it really boils down to [Malleus and Jack] evoking the atmosphere of that famous [Ushiwakamaru and Benkei] print," C-ko continues. They drew comparisons between Malleus, a character twisted from Maleficent (commonly depicted with her raven Diablo), and Usiwakamaru, who is the disciple of a tengu {crow/raven yokai). They also compared Jack, a steadfast and virtuous individual, with Benkei, who is a monk with similar traits. Furthermore, in the famous folklore story, Benkei is depicted as having felled 999 men before facing off against Usiwakamaru, a supernatural force. So, like Jack, Benkei is a powerful combatant up against an even more powerful supernatural force, Usiwakamaru/Malleus.

jxxbisbsjJvsjsb I didn’t think we’d be talking about Japanese fashion, history, and folklore to this extent, but here we are 🤩 I hope that, if you’re reading this, maybe you learned something new and interesting from the post!! I know I certainly did while chatting up my friends.

P.S. Thank you to A-ko, B-ko, C-ko, and D-ko for their knowledge and perspectives! Couldn’t have written this without you.

[sugarcreambiteskingdom]

May I have the five beasts x male reader who is one of them and has the power to create plants and such before his corruption he was always pressure by the witches and his advisors to be perfect always have a smile on his face make beautiful flowers and plants bloom always no matter what never allow to do what he truly wants to do force to be the perfect cookie with a perfect smile and until he snap and become a beast he use his plants to torment and terrified the one who always pressure him to be perfect and he say finally no longer have to be perfect I will go my own way I own nothing to those worthless cookies or the witches now they will all see what else can I do as he has huge creepy smile on his face as his laughts evilly as his plants attacks the cookies and earthbread and completely takes over even his appearance change to one he prefers he use a rose on his head then he becomes a beasts it has teeths and will turn into a huge rise monster by reader command headcanons please

Cream Oreo Cookie: This reminds me of a movie I once knew but I can't remember it :v

The First Ancient Cookie's:

Light Milk Cookie:

He was worried about you and was...upset with the witches and how they treat you

He doesn't appreciates the Witches pushing you to use your powers 24/7 just because you we're a powerful Ancient Cookie you still need rest

He would always makes excuses for you so the witches would let you rest

He will be there for you to comfort you if you ever needed it

Spice Cookie:

Seeing you tired and overwhelmed with work was enough to annoy The Herald Of Change from the Witches decisions to treat you like a lowly worker which never fails to BOIL his Jam

He would always so called "kidnap" you so the two of you can chat and relax in his temple

He makes sure you eat well and drink a lot and rested a lot by giving you a ton of food, drinks, blankets, pillows, stuff animals to cuddle with

Salt Cookie:

He disapproves with all of the Witches antics and how they use you

Your just a Cookie for The Witches sake! Just because you have a crunchy and hard dough doesn't mean you still can't break from exhaustion

He would also like Spice Cookie will "kidnap" you to get some rest

The two would go on for walks, or read a book under a tree or just enjoy the peacefulness of everything and relax

Plain Flour Cookie:

She has heard all of your wishes for peace and relaxation under a tree by a hill far away from your duties

She is always there to listen and give you advice

She also does not agree with the Witches Wishes of your time to give all of your energy and power of "Life" as they all say

If you ever need someone to cry your heart out she is here for you do not worry

Ephemeral Sugar Cookie:

Why would the witches force such a handsome Cookie like yourself to manual labor?

Okay maybe Manual Labor is a bit too much but it kind of looks that way from her eyes!

A Handsome and Magnificent Cookie like yourself should rest and have time for yourself to instead of letting yourself get over work like this!

She would always visit you and give you clouds to use as bed or pillows to rest on and relax alongside her!

She will wrap her wings around you as you sleep and at times hide you from the Witches so you can go and sleep for atleast 9 Hours or so

BEAST COOKIES:

Shadow Milk Cookie:

THIS, THIS IS THE REASON WHY IT WAS AN AMAZING IDEA TO LEAVE THE WITCHES BEHIND

This was there fault not yours...

If they weren't so pushy maybe this wouldn't have happened

But that's okay!

Now we can all have fun with our powers and use them for our OWN entertainment and not THE WITCHES

Burning Spice Cookie:

He was so glad that the two of you finally decided to leave those witches expectations and create your own fun

He would ask you to battle with him and spar just to see how strong you've gotten

He'll make sure to not burn your beautiful plants or work of art during those battles since he knows that you still love your plants and won't want for them to be burnt into dust even though you can always make some more

So basically he just uses his axe to cut through it

Silent Salt Cookie:

They had enough of the witches and how they treated you

So let's see what they think about the new you?

Causing chaos from left to right

You and Silent Salt Cookie we're an amazing team at the battle field

You would throw those wretched Cookie's up high to the skies as Silent Salt Cookie slice them off

Even though he doesn't talk now unlike the past

He would always bring you a head of a Cookie with it's head full of your favorite flowers in it to show his affection towards you

Mystic Flour Cookie:

The Witches always Take and Take and Take and Take

But now there's nothing to give and that's how Mystic Flour Cookie felt which is why she understands what you we're going through

Those greedy Cookie's wants there wishes to come through to the point they would crumble eachother

While the Witches never gave any care about you and how much work they weigh on you

So why not let them see how can one of the purest of Cookie can turn to the most bitterness ones

Eternal Sugar Cookie:

It wasn't fun or funny at all anymore seeing you all hurt and sad and stressed out from the witches

But seeing you now destroying those witches creations made her so damn happy for you

She even decided to join you in this masquerade of yours

She will never leave her little Cinnamon Roll behind to make all of this Cookie's Suffer!

She wants to have some fun too

Oh how she enjoyed it spending time with you with no Witches to interrupt your bond!

How Fun!

[pumpkinstrawbrew]

What scares the Batman, I wonder?

(this my quick birthday gift from me to well, uh ... me lol. i rarely do stuff like this, but this year i thought hey, why not drawn smth special for myself. not in terms of composition or anythin', just smth that means a lot to me. thefore, this sorta / kinda redrawn was born!

i feel like pretty much all of my BTAS arts are connected. even if they depicting a different timelines, therefore slightly different vibes an' points of bats an' crow's relationships as well. that's in a way mirrors this. illustrating all the different ways one can go onto their knees in front of someone. scarebat really takes it on a next level.

i know, that stuff like this might seem hella small to someone, but as a person, who always loved playing out stories an' imagine alternative bits to episodes inside my head, suddenly finding myself back with btas an' most of all finding out the mystery behind my facination with 'nothing to fear' episode was smth big for me. so really, it's all about my sentiment an' thought that i would have actually loved to work on comics or cartoon that have smth to do with batman or spider-man. there are still so many-many amazing stories you can tell with those characters an' their villains. it happened a year ago, but it's like ohh, oh. i see.

but anyways, yeah. there isn't any story behind this art. just a tribute to that scene, that pair an' smth for me to look back an' giggle about. also there is a tradition from where i'm from to treat the guests with 'cake' or any foods on your bd. so here is that too, which is why i posted this to begin with. sure, it's tiny smth, but maybe someone will have fun with that one.

*anyho', happy birtday to me, i guess an' a very swell, nice day to you! whatever wacky, fun thing you wanna do today, you have my blessing!*)

[sprunkimortality]

Uhh Black, was it really a good idea to leave a kid home alone-

Black: "See, I...realized that a little later than I should."

[Black was hurrying back to Saves' home, carrying the old Sprunki in question in his arms. Saves remained still in his hold, smiling innocently as he rested his cheek on Black's chest.]

Saves: "Oh, Black, what are we hurrying for?"

Black: "Sprinkles. She's by herself."

Saves: "O-Oh, goodness me."

.

.

.

[When Black arrived back home, the first thing he saw was Sprinkles lying on her belly, humming a tune as she scribbled on a piece of paper. There were more pieces of paper lying about, each with her mark of art on them.]

Black: "Sprinkles, I am SO sorry."

Sprinkles: "For what?"

[Sprinkles looks up. Upon seeing Saves, she beams up, scrambling to what would be her feet, if she had any.]

Sprinkles: "Grandpapa Saves! You're back!"

Saves: "Back?...did I leave?"

Black: "Well, yes, you wandered off, actually."

[Black gently sets Saves on the floor, helping him stand. Sprinkles rushes to the lavender Sprunki, embracing him firmly, wrapping her arms around his sweater-covered body.]

Saves: "Oh, Sparkle! Love to see you too, my dear."

Sprinkles: "Grandpapa, I made us some pictures while you were away! I was gonna use them to cheer you up, but it looks like you already did!"

Black: "Yes, a friend helped."

Sprinkles: "Who?"

Black: "..."

Saves: "I believe it was...Samuel? Or was that his name..."

Sprinkles: "Who's Samuel?"

[Black clears his throat, a hesitant look on his face.]

Black: "S-Simon."

Sprinkles: "Oh- Oooh! Heehee!"

Saves: "Simon! Yes, I remember now. Anyhow...may I see your drawings?"

[Sprinkles nodded eagerly as she gathered the pieces of paper, showing them one by one.]

(credits to @soarinsworld for the drawings!)

Sprinkles: "See? This was when you took us to eat outside as a treat! And this was when we made flower crowns! And this is when you gave me my necklace, Grandpapa! Do you remember? Any of them?"

[Saves stared quietly at the drawings. While they were cute and heartwarming, he struggled to recall the events they were based on. He can't quite remember what happened, only that they did, and that they were events that felt good.

His smile faltered a little as he continued to dig through his mind, though all he was met with was the fog that never seemed to go away. Perhaps, he felt, he should stop trying. The air was too quiet.]

Saves: "I...can't say, my dear. But these are nice. Perhaps...we could hang these on the walls."

[Sprinkles seemed a little disappointed that Saves had forgotten, again, but nevertheless happy that he enjoyed her artwork.]

Sprinkles: "Thank you!"

[She turned towards Black.]

Sprinkles: "Grandpa Black?"

Black: "Hm?"

Sprinkles: "Is the grown-up problem solved now?"

Black: "..."

[Black turned towards Saves, who had started wandering off into the kitchen, perhaps to make some tea again.]

Black: "...I don't know, Sprinkles. I really don't."

[Sprinkles frowns.]

Black: "...but...you know, I do agree with him when he said that those doodles are nice."

[Sprinkles smiles a little again.]

Sprinkles: "Will Grandpapa be okay?"

Black: "Ah, the old geezer has his ways of standing strong."

Sprinkles: "You're an old geezer too, Grandpa Black!"

Black: "I don't count, kid. I have the face of a youthful supermodel."

Sprinkles: "Heeheehee!"

Black: "C'mon, let's get those drawings up on the walls. And not with tape this time, okay?"

Sprinkles: "O-kay~!"

[As the two trudged away, Saves was, momentarily, left to his own thoughts again. He grabbed a cup and a teabag from the shelves; it was like muscle memory at this point when he began to prepare the tea.

He stared into the cup as he filled it with hot water, the teabag sitting comfortably inside. The reflection in the water stared back.]

Saves: "...my name..."

[Saves breathed in, before letting out a heavy exhale.]

Saves: "...my name...is Saves. Whew..."

[A faint smile quirked his lips.]

Saves: "Almost forgot there, haha."

[The tea was delightful.]

[sloppysequinz]

I recently unblocked a few intox blogs I had blocked for various reasons because I saw my mutuals reblogging stuff from them and figured they were members of this community and probably fine after all.

Every single one of them proceeded to be completely weird about it.

Don’t come into a gal’s inbox when she’s told you she’s not interested in talking to you, especially if you’re clearly angling to sext and sexting is clearly in her boundaries right at the top of the blog. Especially don’t do this if you never talk to her when she’s sober and she’s super drunk and you’re trying to take advantage of her lowered inhibitions to use her for drunk sex chat. Gross.

Don’t come into an engaged lady’s inbox and tell her how much you wish you were her fiancé and what kind of stuff you would do to her if you were. She already has a fiancé to do that stuff and it’s not you.

Definitely don’t come into a random woman’s inbox, flood it with 40 or so AI generated images of women drinking and demand her opinion (I know I reblog some AI art and some folks disapprove, but this is about a strangers expectations of an interaction with me, not the AI part).

They’re all blocked again and honestly if you see this and think this is about you, it probably is. Fuck off.

Also, based on their bios and our interactions, these were all straight cis men. Straight cis men are the only community members that act creepy and entitled to me. Take from that what you will, but it’s not an anti-straight cis men thing. I’m engaged to one of those. They can be great people, just like any other kind of person. There is just such a perplexingly high rate of completely un-self aware entitlement among them online. It makes me sad for them.

One positive thing is that this makes me happy that this community is more queer than ever. There have always been guys like this in the tumblr space, and there was a time when I would’ve crawled to these guys for attention because there was nothing else out there. We have a healthier, more fun and vibrant community now.

Moral of the story: Treat online women like people, even the ones who post fetish content. Anyway I’ve learned my lesson. A bigger community is not always a better one.

[xxacidnekoxx]

The scariest thing is like sometimes it feels like people secretly hate you and it ends up being true like especially among popular artist circles where people are being around you hoping for some popularity and will ditch you/backstab you the moment you aren't popular anymore or other popular artists feel at competition with you and act SO SWEET while secretly hoping for you to crash and burn ❤️‍🔥 see if people treat you differently when you're alone or if you're in front of other friends it's kinda a bad sign if people act real real nice to you in front of others but act really critical when y'all are alone

it gets pretty brutal being an artist sometimes honestly most of my friends are musicians or have different hobbies than me partly because I have bad experience with people getting jealous of my art and success and it just happened naturally that I want to hang around the non-jealous people... I personally used to get really jealous of people but I have had a few ego deaths since then and I realized we're all friends and collaborating We are simply at the talent show. Clap for the one who is on stage right now soon it will be your turn

[maxbanshees]

on a more personal note, i do just want to distance myself from pathologic + fandoms in general.

i wrote a whole long and angry post about it a week ago that Still stands true, but i think it could be shorter/calmer/more organized.

the game/fandom has a lot of baggage for me... it's this thing that has enabled the creator to hurt other people and himself, first and foremost... but it's also difficult for me to look at how the game handles imperialism, orientalism, alcoholism, and making/preserving art at all cost.

maybe the game/fandom explores it in a kind of valuable or interesting way, but ultimately it feels like an uphill battle & i could be focusing my energy elsewhere.

aside from this particular game, i want to distance myself from fandoms in general because i've had some difficult experiences with how they're organized, and how artwork/writing is shared in them. mainly, i don't really agree that fandoms are at all like families/tangible communities. they feel more to me like ways to index and share and buy things without really thinking about what-- and who-- you're looking at.

of course, i've been touched by other people's work, and have met very important friends though them. maybe i've managed to touch some people with my own work... but seeing the way people treat other people poorly in tangible, real ways over something that isn't real is hard.

maybe to someone who sees fandoms as a family/tangible community/society/"Real Life", this is necessary. they see the work as a reflection of their immediate surroundings, and therefore their wellbeing and the wellbeing of others. i understand when people choose to block and avoid others for their own wellbeing, and when they discuss things they see as difficult and harmful between friends or with their followers.

but it's harder to see people find something they don't like from another person, and then they start messaging everyone around that person claiming they made work that is morally bad, with the aim of isolating that person from their friends or source of income.

again, maybe to someone who sees fandom as a meaningful community, this is something that seems necessary. but to me, it just isn't. you can block and move along, or share that information with a friend who you know is sensitive to a certain topic.

but to hurt people in real ways over something that isn't real and easily avoidable is something i don't agree with, and i don't want to continue being in online spaces that encourage that sort of thing.

those are my thoughts.. i'd like to make and support more original art from now on, and return to enjoying things privately with friends. maybe that's how i should have done it in the first place... but we live and we learn.

[goodluckclove]

I just remembered I have more updates on my newest in-progress tableau of famous media characters drawn entirely from my own memory. I've decided to make the setting a mall food court and I'm working out from the first drawing - which, if you remember, was a T4T Shadow/Sonic the Hedgehog requested by @mercuryytheraven. August saw and described my depiction of the notable hedgehogs as "terrifying".

As you can see, the nightmare has grown in detail.

Pencil for now until I know I'm done with the rest of the detail. Let's go through and take a closer look.

Below is a Pikmin, requested by @xarrixii. I think I was essentially right right these guys. No notes. He works at Panda Express.

Above him is supposed to be one of the Krogans from Mass Effect, which @mushroommanchanterelle kindly allows me to call "Frog Man". I also tried to remember what Krogans are called, and by the looks of the name tag I guess I went with "Grogbert".

I would say my Krogans are...

Listen. All roads lead back to Egg in Chinos. That's not me talking, that's evolution. Moving on.

@mushroommanchanterelle also requested Waluigi, and I had to respect their common law marriage by depicting him with Wario. I LOVE this Wario I created. He is a quiet man and he's eating a slice of pizza with a fork and knife. I love him. He looks Polite. This is his treat for the day. I have no comments on Waluigi aside form the fact that I gave him near Slenderman-esc proportions and assless chaps.

So my Link was a suggestion from @themuseinthewoods, who seems just so sweet and when you see this please know I did not intend to start our friendship off by taking a well-meaning ask and turning into some nude, dummy-thicc puppet abomination. I saw Link and immediately was like "hey dynamic posing is important and I know Link loves to eat trash" - which, in retrospect, was probably the cough syrup talking. I started mouth-first, another poor choice. He was actually going to wear clothes, but then I asked my wife what Link wears and Riley insisted that Link is occasionally nude. They then went on to say I had to make the ass bigger.

They added the fart. Art is collaborative. I am sorry.

Anyways I need more suggestions if anyone has them. I'm looking for famous characters to draw in terrifying ways. If I know them I'll draw them from memory, and if I DONT know them I'll put them in my second tableau of guys I have no visuals for. The setting is a hospital, and so far it's just a terrified Piplup suggested by @fukurouonthesea.

This guy's seen some shit.

[deesseshesca]

PAC:LETTER FROM PREGNANT SELF (HIS POV) 18+

PILE 1  

It would not surprise me if your baby father was in an extremely abusive relationship with his ex. May have other kids before he meets you (only for 50% of people reading this). You  may be an sex worker. If you are a stripper, you meet that person at work and actually become each other's safe place. Only for them, the rest of y’all, there was a natural development of the relationship and unfolding of each other's life. 

My (flower name (if you have a fav flower he might call u that in his language OR  is your stage name) 

I could spend a lifetime showing my devotion to you. To say we found love in a hopeless place is such a short statement of reality. I want to apologize for all the rough ways I dealt with you. You know I became so passive with life that pouring any kind of emotion was an expensive action. I spent years trying to make it work with my ex and honestly I would rather not talk about it but since this damm (watch your words…) girl keeps trying to pull on my energy here I am. I hate talking about her, you think it is because it hurts. Sure it does, I should have never been treated that way, should have never been ridiculed and humiliated. I should have never been yelled at because of my opinions or even beat on just because I was not providing something tailor to miss extremely complicated taste. Let’s fucking face it, what have I not gave. What can a 7 figure salary can’t fucking give you ! Nothing was never good enough. I should have understood the mind game she played but before I knew it I was hooked on the devil with no prenup and the idea of puppy love we had since high school. Every time it became too much, I would come see you dance. The way you move your body to the music is so enticing, I know it’s y’all job but you felt like it was your calling. I am not saying that you are nothing but a damm stripper, no please don’t take it like that. See that’s exactly why I did not want to talk to this (watch your mouth …) tarot reader because I am not good with my words. I hate the fact that I dedicate more time to STEM classes and work meetings. I dedicate more time to academic excellence and make sure to always more than admirable professional performance thinking I would never need to use art classes a day in my life. Here I am … Words failed me because I never took the time to appreciate the things surrendering me. Always so eager to gain new things and more knowledge. You were the first in my life, I truly allow myself to be appreciated. On the stage you own it, not like you are dancing for a couple dolla bills. Almost as if you don’t give a fuck weather men are there to spend or nah. You came to bask in your power. The first time you approached me, I could not help being rude. Now I can assure it is because I was mad, I knew you were approaching me to secure your bag. I wanted more, I wanted to matter to you as much as you matter to me. You left the first meeting with a stink face and you would have probably never dealt with me, if I never ordered that VIP room. Always came with more money each time. Taking more money from my wife's allowance to let it rain on you. It was my sweet revenge. Each time you never let go, like you use on stage. Guess you were not fond of me which confirms to me that it was not for the money. That also shows the amount of self respect you had for yourself in an industry that prides itself on destroying mental health in the name of a couple Benjamin. Then one day I ask you to sit down, apologize for the way I was treating you. Instead of making it rain, I put the money in your hands and ask you for a chat. Your face shows no judgment but instead mercy. You did not pride yourself on a broken man and I stop seeing you as only my distraction. The VIP with no dancing, bringing you back home after spending long hours at work, then finally following you at your apartment finishing the night with some intense love making. It was fun not being objectified for once in the bedroom. My wife likes to find pride in my beautiful big dick … I guess I only matter that way.

There's more ....