#for what one person's opinion is worth

[geekyhistoriansunite]

Man Suang is a pretty good and solid movie!

Ok, putting out there. I got involved in Thai drama due to Kinnporsche the Series, no I have no shame about it. It was fun, it had good looking dudes, and even though it initially seemed over the top in acting effort, the actors started to flow into their characters better and it was a fun show. Kinnporsche had amazing behind the sceens stuff that actually got me interested in the actors, especially Apo and Mile, who are freaking cute together. But all good things must end and so did the series.

But then there was a ray of hope! A glorious teaser was released.

Please note: Absolutely none of this teaser was in the movie, which I find both exasperating because I love every bit of it and the music, but also hilarious, because they caught your attention.

Please note pt. : All the BL lovers from Kinnporsche were salivating hard and if they said they weren't they're lying liars who lie.

So attention was given. And it took a long while, but then they released on official trailer at the Cannes Film Festival! Oh shnap, we got some extreme legitimacy here. This was not going to be cheap film, this was going to be quality. And all the BL lovers are still crying in anticipation at seeing their boys back together again.

Please note pt. 3: We still have NO idea what this movie is about. Just have the visual, which are gorgeous and a couple written lines teasing, but still no actual plotline. That's ok, the interest is still strong.

And one thing Be On Cloud does VERY well, is know how to advertise and keep people's interests. And it finally releases almost a year later. And lots of people cry. Not because it's a bad movie, but because there's no blatant BL storyline. There are hints, teases, looks, but that is not the main storyline. People are crying online, they've been deceived, there's no BL!

Please note pt. 4 (I'm having way to many please notes): Be On Cloud NEVER said it was BL. It was inferred since both Apo and Mile were pared in a movie together and the fact that Bo On Cloud only had the one series with mega BL plotlines.

The only reviews I could read (In English, which is all I read. I know, I should try other languages but I legit have tried 4 languages and I just can't) mostly complained about the lack of BL storyline and that it was slow at times. No synopsis, no breakdowns. Full stop. I was sad. I kept checking on my tried and true Tumblr, which normally doesn't disappoint, but nada, bupkis. I was sad. Again. There was no release date I could find with English subtitles. Again, sadness ensued.

But finally, glory be, it was announced that Man Suang release on Netflix. Today. Yay! And after work I sat and watch it all, and here is my review...finally.

Man Suang is actually a pretty good movie. Most of my knowledge of Thai culture comes from BL shows, which helped a little but I did have to pause occasionally to look something up (the betal nuts for example) and I'm sure I missed a lot of things, but I got a pretty good understanding of everything. The pacing was a bit different from movies in the US, and that could be jarring, but I got used to it. Overall it was a good movie. I'd watch it again (which is a big deal for me, I watch once and then remind myself with fanfiction).

Thoughts (spoilers below):

Everyone was in a fucked up position. Except, Tiang, fuck him.

Khem: Sweetheart, just trying to take care of his friend. The finale probably fucked him up a bit. I like to consider Chatra comes back and gives him some comfort.

Please note (Please don't ask me what number this is): There's now going to be a BL series called Shine which is going to follow their relationship. See? Just had to be patient.

Chatra: Yeah, I'd be concerned if my father was a traitor and my whole family was going to pay for it. (On a side note: What is the Thai repercussions for that? Ancient China had death of the whole family for so many generations, but I'm not sure what they are in Siam.)

Wan: Baby...honey...that was fucked up. I get where you were coming from with your severe PTSD but trying to blow everyone up is not the answer. But I do hate that he felt betrayed by Khem.

Hong: Look at my sheltered little man turn into a Bossman! I see good things in his future.

All the aunties and women in the show: Couldn't have done it without you and I love seeing all of you. Especially auntie who put the mean boss in his place while trying to feed the two newcomers. (Boss: Don't flirt with my woman! Auntie: I flirt with who I want to, go sit in the corner until you're repentant! Boss: Yes, ma'am).

And finally: Absolutely gorgeous set design and costumes. Like, super wow. Loved it all! It was interesting to see the crossover of Thai and western design, like Chatra's suit and cravat top/traditional pants combo at the end. Jarring, but I imagine that time period was jarring with all the different influences happening as well. Much like the differences in hairstyles which helped you identify Chinese descent from Thai descent (using the Queue hairstyle instead of fully or partially grown out hair).

Overall, solid job on Man Suang, I recommend it to anyone who is interested in new cultures, pretty people, and just an interesting storyline.

[odo-apologist]

I have things I should be working on but I'm too busy wondering what a Low or High Kochanski would be like

[frikatilhi]

About that new interview. I now feel conflicted about my bojere shipping. Like, I'd NEVER send Bojan fucking letters about it (WTF is wrong with people??? I'm actually shocked), but does even the concept of it bother him for real, or is he okay with it as long as it's just fun and games (and not shoved in his face)? The Cyprus vacation took place after the interview and he didn't post anything about it himself. But he let Jere post at least a little bit and it was all extremely bojere heavy (i'm assuming they talked about it and bojan agreed that jere could post the things he did). So am I "allowed" to enjoy my little fanarts and fanfics about them (emphasis on fan FICTION) or should i feel bad and fear that i'm ruining a really special friendship, because some people take it way too far? 😅 From everything we've seen so far, I'm assuming that Jere does not mind the shipping (at least as long as it stays somewhat playful and not too serious). I really hope that it won't get to the point where we get no bojere content at all (even in just a friendship sense) bc some people ruined it for all of us. 🙁

RPF is fine taking the F to the RP's is not

my tl;dr under here

It's okay to feel conflicted about this stuff; we don't want to cause any harm! It's not a nice feeling to think our silliness here might make some wacko think they're on to something and inspire them to spew hate at anyone. But Bojan gets all kinds of shit thrown at him a lot, so if it wasn't this it would probably be something else, and everyone really is only responsible for their own actions. Keep it in fandom spaces and don't start believing your delulus are real, that's rpf 101.

I feel like regarding shipping the crux of it is here. After mentioning Käärijä he sort of backtracks a little: ”I’m not even talking about this situation [bojere] at all but in general, about all the lies that are being spread.” 

I personally get the feeling that his beef is not about the Käärijä stuff as such, but with how lies and rumours take off online and how it results in harassment. Like how he gets letters from some wacko saying how he’s a horrible person for ignoring Jere, while in reality he’s on the phone with Jere at that same moment.

Is he against shipping in general, does it bother him? I don't think we can tell either way based on this interview. In the past both of them have seemed pretty chill about it, but who knows. If people harrass him about it, I can imagine it could get tiresome.

But he keeps speaking so fondly of his fans, and international fans, and Finland, and Jere, that I get a strong feeling that he doesn't lump us all together but is only speaking of those who "can't separate reality from entertainment". Also, based on how they talk of each other, their friendship is not affected by this but they're able to support each other when things get tough.

So I'd say, anon, that you're still "allowed" to enjoy your entertainment, as much as I'm allowed to grant you that permission 😆

[mabaris]

no youre completely right - im a gay (trans)man and i legit wanna see so much more about the women bc There Is So Little. I wanna make a lesbian oc who gets bent in half by taash. im very normal.

i’m just tired man!!!! it feels so obvious how disproportionate it is when you’ve got. a cast of characters that we know almost equally little about. and a few of them explode in popularity and it’s like spongebob sticking his hand out the curtain. literally all a character needs to do numbers is to be a light-skinned man

[cringelordofchaos]

I love characters that are traumatized from having to see their parents arguing with each other so much to the point of emotionally neglecting their child ❤️ (except in Zander and will's case their parents are divorced and are both away from their abusive fathers but that's beside the point)

characters n where they're from under the cut

Sean (from the music freaks)(<3333333)

kenny (from South Park)

will (from stranger things)

zander (also from the music freaks)

gayass Gacha life smirk jumpscare

[pisshandkerchief]

my dad's one sentence review of A Complete Unknown

[spacedlexi]

Hi Lexi

What do you think of partially blinded Vi? You never seem to draw her that way, and I kind of just wanted to know what do you think of it as a certified Vi lover.

I personally think that while something like this can be "cool" (as in, being beneficial to the character design), it's handled quite poor for Vi and it just looks a bit... ungrateful. Simply doesn't look good, doesn't fit her personality or character (am I missing something?) and it doesn't seem to fit or suit her...unlike Kenny's iconic eyepatch. To me, it has become a pivotal thing in his design to a degree in which Kenny with both eyes seems a bit odd looking. I see it as a symbol which stands for Ken being a martyr and all he's lost and sacrificed. He is all about family and helping those he loved, his loved ones truly were the "apple of his eye". It all makes sense, doesn't it?

But for Vi, it's excatly the opposite. I'm just so sorry to see her like this. 😭😭😭 I don't think it makes sense in any way. Louis losing his tongue because he's so talkative and "won't shut up" does kind of make sense, but I cant help but see Violet losing sight as kind of lazy writing. "We need something bad happening to her!!! suffer the children!!!'- the writers exclaimed.

i think vi losing her eyesight is incredibly impactful on her character and i honestly dont understand why some people say its lazy writing. especially since it was foreshadowed multiple times. vi losing her eyesight i think is even more impactful on her character than louis losing his tongue because at least louis still has his music to express himself and uplift spirits through (and its not like he cant communicate At All. his note still makes clem laugh). the reason i dont draw blind vi very often is because of how sad it is to me. for multiple reasons

violets whole thing is wanting to be able to protect the people she cares about, and feels immense grief and guilt about the times she feels shes failed them (thinks if she had been there with the twins that day that she couldve done something to save them. feels she failed everyone taken by the raiders. is scared of failing clem too "if something happened to you because of me? i cant lose you too. i wont". its why she cant leave minnie after shooting her. and a kidnapped vi attacks clem because she doesnt want anyone else to get hurt. hell it even ties back to her grandma and feeling guilty about not doing anything for her)

so for her to lose her eyesight? she took pride in her ability to fight and now she cant do that anymore. cant protect the people she loves. and as someone who started the season as an isolated loner, it forces her to rely on those around her for help, stripping her of her independence (and her independence is what allowed her to stand up against the group for clem when it came to the marlon situation in ep2). a blinded vi is forced into accepting community, whereas a saved violet accepts it on her own. her and clem turn ericsons into the home violet could never see it as

the other reason blind vi makes me so sad is that it is Directly a result of clems actions. kidnapped vi had nothing and wanted nothing to do with the bomb, and yet shes the ONLY ONE who gets hurt by it. clem choosing to let vi be taken means clem both breaks her heart, and then burns out her eyes. louis and his tongue is between him and lilly and was a choice THEY each made outside of clems direct influence (even if it was clem who inspired him to speak up, it is ultimately his choice to keep talking, and lilly hurts him for it. its sad he gets punished for a character moment, but clem had no direct hand in him losing his tongue. its why hes not angry to see her in the cell. he doesnt blame clem for what happened), but the way vi is feeling in that cell is DIRECTLY due to clems actions. vi feels like clem abandoned her after she had put herself on the line for her multiple times. she always had clems back but clem didnt have hers. clem is the one who planted the bomb and vi gets caught in the blast. clem hurts her emotionally And physically. and vi apologizes for getting upset (she tries to apologize on the beach too before theyre forced out in the cart, so she felt wrong for those actions immediately even tho they were understandable. lilly and minnie used her moment of weakness to get in her head. she just wanted everyone to be safe)

kidnapped blinded vi is just so incredibly sad to me, especially when you compare her to a fully realized violet. a violet who has come into herself, has confidence, has opened up, has stopped pushing people away out of fear and lets herself love again. shes a leader. a fighter. a protector. and those are all things a blinded violet loses

neither vi losing her eyes or louis losing his tongue is supposed to add anything to their characters. its about what theyve lost. both of them have important parts of their identity stripped away from them after being taken by the delta. its supposed to be sad. heartbreaking. regrettable. unfortunate. they have not gained anything by their time at the delta, only lost important parts of themselves to it

[screambirdscreaming]

I used to like saying "gender is a social construct," but I stopped saying that because people didn't tend to react well - they thought that I was saying gender wasn't real, or didn't matter, or could be safely ignored without consequences. Which has always baffled me a bit as an interpretation, honestly, because many things are social constructs - like money, school, and the police - and they certainly have profound effects on your life whether or not you believe in them. And they sure don't go away if you ignore them.

Anyway. What I've taken to saying instead is, "gender is a cultural practice." This gives more of a sense of respect for the significance gender holds to many people. And it also opens the door to another couple layers of analysis.

Gender is cultural. It is not globally or historically homogeneous. It shifts over time, develops differently in different communities, and can be influenced by cross-cultural contact. Like many, many aspects of culture, the current status of gender is dramatically influenced by colonialism. Colonial gender norms are shaped by the hierarchical structure of imperialist society, and enforced onto colonized cultures as part of the project of imperial cultural hedgemony.

Gender is practiced. What constitutes a gender includes affects and behaviors, jobs or areas of work, skillsets, clothing, collective and individual practices of gender affiliation and affirmation. Any or all of these things, in any combination, depending on the gender, the culture, and the practitioner.

Gender encompasses shared cultural archetypes. These can include specific figures - gods and goddesses, mythic or fictional characters, etc - or they can be more abstract or general. The Wise Woman, Robin Hood, the Dyke, the Working Man, the Plucky Heroine, the Effete Gay Man, etc etc. The range of archetypes does not circumscribe a given gender, that is, they're not all there is to gender. But they provide frameworks and reference points by which people relate to gender. They may be guides for ways to inhabit or practice a gender. They may be stereotypes through which the gendered behavior of others is viewed.

Gender as a framework can be changed. Because it is created collectively, by shared acknowledgement and enforcement by members of society. Various movements have made significant shifts in how gender is structured at various times and places. The impact of these shifts has been widely variable - for example, depending on what city I'm in, even within my (fairly culturally homogeneous) home country, the way I am gendered and reacted to changes dramatically. Looping back to point one, we often speak of gender in very broad terms that obscure significant variability which exists on many scales.

Gender is structured recursively. This can be seen in the archetypes mentioned above, which range from extremely general (say, the Mother) to highly specific (the PTA Soccer Mom). Even people who claim to acknowledge only two genders will have many concepts of gendered-ways-of-being within each of them, which they may view and react to VERY differently.

Gender is experienced as an external cultural force. It cannot be opted out of, any more than living in a society can be opted out of. Regardless of the internal experience of gender, the external experience is also present. Operating within the shared cultural understanding of gender, one can aim to express a certain practice of gender - to make legible to other people how it is you interface with gender. This is always somewhat of a two-way process of communication. Other people may or may not perceive what you're going for - and they may or may not respect it. They may try to bring your expressed gender into alignment with a gender they know, or they might parcel you off into your own little box.

Gender is normative. Within the structure of the "cultural mainstream," there are allowable ways to practice gender. Any gendered behavior is considered relative to these standards. What behavior is allowed, rewarded, punished, or shunned is determined relative to what is gender normative for your perceived gender. Failure to have a clearly perceivable gender is also, generally, punished. So is having a perceivable gender which is in itself not normative.

Gender is taught by a combination of narratives, punishments, and encouragements. This teaching process is directed most strongly towards children but continues throughout adulthood. Practice of normatively-gendered behaviors and alignment with 'appropriate' archetypes is affirmed, encouraged, and rewarded. Likewise 'other'- gendered behavior and affinity to archetypes is scolded, punished, or shunned. This teaching process is inherently coercive, as social acceptance/rejection is a powerful force. However it can't be likened to programming, everyone experiences and reacts to it differently. Also, this process teaches the cultural roles and practices of both (normative) genders, even as it attempts to force conformity to only one.

Gender regulates access to certain levers of social power. This one is complicated by the fact that access to levers of social power is also affected by *many* other things, most notably race, class, and citizenship. I am not going to attempt to describe this in any general terms, I'm not equipped for that. I'll give a few examples to explain what I'm talking about though. (1) In a social situation, a man is able to imply authority, which is implicitly backed by his ability to intimidate by yelling, looming, or threatening physical violence. How much authority he is perceived to have in response to this display is a function of his race and class. It is also modified by how strongly he appears to conform to a masculine ideal. Whether or not he will receive social backlash for this behavior (as a separate consideration to how effective it will be) is again a function of race/class/other forms of social standing. (2) In a social situation, a woman is able to invoke moral judgment, and attempt to modify the behavior of others by shame. The strength of her perceived moral authority depends not just on her conformity to ideal womanhood, but especially on if she can invoke certain archetypes - such as an Innocent, a Mother, or better yet a Grandmother. Whether her moral authority is considered a relevant consideration to influence the behavior of others (vs whether she will be belittled or ignored) strongly depends on her relative social standing to those she is addressing, on basis of gender/race/class/other.

[Again, these examples are *not* meant to be exhaustive, nor to pass judgment on employing any social power in any situation. Only to illustrate what "gendered access to social power" might mean. And to illustrate that types of power are not uniform and may play out according to complex factors.]

Gender is not based in physical traits, but physical traits are ascribed gendered value. Earlier, I described gender as practiced, citing almost entirely things a person can do or change. And I firmly believe this is the core of gender as it exists culturally - and not just aspirationally. After the moment when a gender is "assigned" based on infant physical characteristics, they are raised into that gender regardless of the physical traits they go on to develop (in most circumstances, and unless/until they denounce that gender.) The range of physical traits like height, facial shape, body hair, ability to put on muscle mass - is distributed so that there is complete overlap between the range of possible traits for people assigned male and people assigned female. Much is made of slight trends in things that are "more common" for one binary sex or the other, but it's statistically quite minor once you get over selection bias. However, these traits are ascribed gendered connotations, often extremely strongly so. As such, the experience of presented and perceived gender is strongly effected by physical traits. The practice of gender therefore naturally expands to include modification of physical traits. Meanwhile, the social movements to change how gender is constructed can include pushing to decrease or change the gendered association of physical traits - although this does not seem to consistently be a priority.

Gender roles are related to the hypothetical ability to bear children, but more obliquely than is often claimed. It is popular to say that the types of work considered feminine derive from things it is possible to do while pregnant or tending small children. However, research on the broader span of human history does not hold this up. It may be true of the cultures that gave immediate rise to the colonial gender roles we are familiar with - secondary to the fact that childcare was designated as women's work. (Which it does not have to be, even a nursing infant doesn't need to be with the person who feeds it 24 hours a day.) More directly, gender roles have been influenced by structures of social control aiming for reproductive control. In the direct precursors of colonial society, attempts to track paternal lineage led to extreme degrees of social control over women, which we still see reflected in normative gender today. Many struggles for women's liberation have attempted to push back these forms of social control. It is my firm opinion that any attempt to re-emphasize childbearing as a touchstone of womanhood is frankly sick. We are at a time where solidarity in struggle for gender liberation, and for reproductive rights, is crucial. We need to cast off shackles of control in both fights. Trying to tie childbearing back to womanhood hobbles both fights and demeans us all.

Gender is baked deeply enough into our culture that it is unlikely to ever go away. Many people feel strongly about the practice of gender, in one way or another, and would not want it to. However we have the power to change how gender is structured and enforced. We can push open the doors of what is allowable, and reduce the pain of social punishment and isolation. We can dismantle another of the tools of colonial hedgemony and social control. We can change the culture!

[age-of-moonknight]

“The Moon Warrior,” Marvel 85th Anniversary Special (Vol. 1/2024), #1.

Writer and artist: Yuji Kaku; Special thanks to Ken Kunito

[jenny-dreadful]

.

[citizen-zero]

watched the Star Wars sequels with my ex/situationship?? and now I am forced to be someone with opinions on Star Wars. my main takeaway is that it’s kinda weird they never finished the sequel trilogy but at least they made one solid movie and one really good movie.

[hauntingblue]

Jaya time

I love these moments of nearly cosmic horror when they encounter inexplicable things (at first) they are so intriguing

Is strawhat here?! *Megan thee stallion saying AAH 😜*

This cover just goes hard... Get it chopper

[necrotic-nephilim]

do you use any site/spreadsheet/etc. to track your comic reading? i use locg right now but have been considering other options.

... yes. technically. but bc i'm an autistic bitch i just. have a google spreadsheet i'm gonna be honest. i log it all manually.

this is an example of what a random section looks like of my 2023 spreadsheet. in order it's: title, issue/volume number, page count, date i finished the comic, and my personal rating. blue and red is obviously DC and Marvel. pink means the numbering is counting single issues, yellow means it's counting volumes/trades. sometimes for the page count i guesstimate based on how long comics tend to be if i can't find an exact page count. the colors in the rating are just for fun so i can easily see what stuck out as 10/10 and what stuck out as 1/10.

then i take all of *that* data and condense it into monthly stats. all by hand bc idk how to like. properly use google sheets that well.

obviously i'm aware all of this is likely the most tedious way to do it and i'm probably making it harder for myself. however. i am just Like That. i do use the Comics Geeks app as well, which i think is a solid app? i just haven't fully logged everything i've read because i find that to be wildly tedious. but the stat breakdowns it gives about most read characters and writers and whatnot is nifty. though you can tell the app is more geared toward tracking comic collections rather than comics read.

so uh. i'm not the best person to ask about this probably lkjhghgjhkjjkjh i will always brute force my own way than just doing it the. smart way. but! i do keep track of it all and i find it very useful to do so, because i like seeing the trends of what i was reading when. also i enjoy the data of how i rated a comic when i read it vs how i feel about it now that it's sat with me. idk if this helps but!! i do like rambling about my spreadsheet!

[cathodic-clairvoyant]

You are actually the only person I have seen say anything that makes sense regarding HDWR recently, thank you for your good takes. I love this manga, but it really feels like I’m not reading the same story as most people sometimes

I for the record think that there is a lot (in fact i'd say majority) of interesting discussion about hdwr, even now, (just the other day in the main tag i saw a post that i liked talking about tamaki as a character & her and miwa's relationship and despite the subreddit having a lot of silly posts lately i think a couple months ago around ch. 113's release there were a lot of good comments about MiwaSae and both of their development throughout the story and I think even now there's good discussion about ch. 119 and miwa and tamaki burried in the silly stuff) and in some sense like i feel like the current wave with ch. 119 was always going to happen, it's a very emotionally charged topic that we're seeing how much it hurt a character people tend to like so like i understand being upset by it and having strong opinions about it.

That all being said, the kind of discussion that tends to surround the story of "sae was unfair/toxic to miwa" "tamaki has always been manipulative" "yuria is unfair to sae" are baffling to me because I feel like to get anything out of this story- to not instantly just be frustrated with it- you have to interact with it a little bit on its terms and I think part of that is acknowledging that these characters are more complex than the simple one word "abusive/toxic/manipulative/innocent" labelling and have complex emotions and imperfect reasoning that cause them to make mistakes, be cruel to each other, and do the wrong things. This doesn't excuse the characters' actions but that's not what the story is interested in doing anyway.

And like, I don't think the story is for everyone, I don't think everyone has to want to interact with the story on those terms; which is why while i personally don't agree with the kind of people who say "i had to stop reading when miwa and sae broke up bc it was too sad/too frustrating" and the like, I can at least understand it as just the story has goals that reader doesn't want to engage with, which is completely understandable. Where it confuses me is getting so far through the story and still not choosing to interact with the story on its terms. What are you getting out of this story then??? Does viewing sae as toxic enhance the story for you? Is it a useful way in looking at the narrative?

Especially since I feel like tamifull has attempted to make these characters realistic almost to invite us the reader to examine both ourselves and our relationships as we read. Is How Do We Relationship a useful tool to to analyze yourself or your own relationships with if you flatten the characters into good and bad? Is that a lens you'd want to view your own relationships with? I don't think so. I feel like the only things it could lead to is "i wouldn't make that mistake because I'm not toxic." "i wouldn't find myself in this situation because me and my partner aren't like them." So like. What benefit does viewing these characters in this way give you? You clearly seem to agree with/like the goals of the story if you're still here 100+ chapters later so like. What are you getting out of this?

I dunno. Like i said, I do think there's still a lot of good discussion about hdwr. That's why I still lurk the subreddit and read posts in the main tag. It's just this specific genre of discussion i can't understand especially when it happens with like more recent chapters

[plushie-lovey]

Just ignore the haters - my brothers have huge collections of stuff like video game related and nobody says anything. They're having to sell some of it because of space but someone commented they thought the bedroom in the photo background was a shop because that's what it looks like lol. I have a bookcase of dolls and miniatures and my mom is like that's too much, it's weird, you're an adult etc so annoying

That sounds sooo cool. Your brothers are lucky they can get away with collecting so much and not get judged for it

It really is annoying when parents and other people make comments about how strange a toy collecting hobby is though, huh? For the most part I do try to ignore the haters. But I have crappy self esteem, so when somebody makes comments about my plushie collection sometimes it makes me uncomfortable and self conscious. But plushies make me happy, and there's so few things in this world that can bring me only pure joy. So I try to focus on how I feel about stuffed animals and not what others think or feel about them. They can go be miserable somewhere else, I'm gonna sit here and have fun with my toys. Nobody should say anything about what makes others happy, as long as its not smth harmful (which this definitely isn't).

[sschmendrick]

I kinda miss hanging out with old people. All my friends used to be old people.

But the older I grow, and the more I'm expected to behave well like a normal adult, the harder I find it to keep those links. I'm lost between trying to stick to a script I don't know the words of to have a proper normal and interesting relationship for them, and allowing myself to screw up a little, be boring, be interested in stuff they aren't, having opinions they don't agree with (for silly stuff like music, though yk me), not be cool. Cause the latter stresses me out. Cause I see no reason for people to want to be friends with me if not that.