#for the record i did share the album with two other teachers - but they already knew about my music before the summer

[smile-files]

friends, followers, and fellow freaks... should i share my soul-bearing album with my high school compsci teacher, whom i have a frankly ludicrous parent-child parasocial relationship with? or should i pretend to be sane? (genuine question, but i admit it's also very funny)

here is it again by the way :) for some reason i couldn't figure out how to link directly to the playlist before... but now i can! yay

[evanpetersmybf]

Be mine?

Tate Langdon x female!reader

Summary: Meeting you was his destiny. He had to make you his so he could feel alive... It was meant to be.

Genre: Smut.

Word count: 3,172

Warnings: Virgin and inexperienced reader, mentions of bullying, self-harm (just once and is nothing detailed), obsessive and stalkish behavior, swearing, cunnilingus, fingering, unprotected p in v and cumshot.

A/N: English isn't my first language and this is my first time writing smut, so sorry if it sucks or if I have grammatical mistakes or something TT. Btw, also sorry if Tate's out of character. Anyways, hope you enjoy it!

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ཐི ♡ ཋྀ

Tate had another bad day. It was the usual. Bullying, failed tests, the teacher humiliating him after he couldn’t solve a simple equation on the chalkboard, his mother scolding him. Nothing seemed new, and it seemed that nothing wasn’t going to change at any point.

He needed something, a reason to live, something to make him feel alive. Because he was dead. Dead in life, which in his own opinion, was even worse than being a rotten corpse.

He headed to the music store after secretly stealing some of his mom’s money, just a few bucks; the enough amount to buy a vinyl or some CD’s. Tate was sort of a music elitist, always believing that the artists nowadays just created pure, hollow, and trashy songs. In fact, he didn’t believe those could even be considered music.

Walking around the nearly empty store, rummaging through the shelves filled with Nirvana vinyl’s, someone bumped into him.

“Oh, sorry.” You spoke, after accidentally taking too many steps back and bumping into Tate’s behinds.

He frowned, somewhat annoyed at you for disturbing his moment of peace. The blonde turned around to look at who it was, scanning your body from head to toe, taking note of your appearance. Then, his dark eyes drifted to the sign that was on top the shelf, which indicated the musical genre of the records that were on that rack. Alternative pop. His gaze went to the album you were hugging to yourself.

“Cry Baby? What type of crap is that?”

“Huh, excuse me?”

“Never mind, you won’t understand.” Tate talked in such a volatile and rude manner, already feeling superior because of his likes.

You arched an eyebrow. What was his problem? You did nothing to him and yet he was here, judging your amazing music taste.

“Well, people’s free to like whatever they want to, hmm?”

“Uh, yeah, but what’s the point of that if everything is so generic?”

“Have you ever listened to Melanie Martinez at least once?”

He shook his head no, still scowling, now fidgeting with a ring that was on one of his fingers.

“Have you listened to Nirvana?”

“Just like… Two songs?”

“Don’t tell me. Smells Like Teen Spirit?”

“Guilty.”

Tate rolled his eyes. What was going on with this generation? What happened to good music, to the greatest artists? Why was everyone just listening to trash?

After sharing your names and a few more words, debating about who was right and who wasn’t, you placed one of your hands over his right shoulder, as an attempt to stop his rant of how superior he was. And indeed, it worked. The teen stopped venting and stared at you, all confused and a bit uncomfortable. You noticed it and quickly stepped back, apologizing for touching him without permission. He told you it was okay, that you just surprised him. But deep down, that simple yet complex touch meant a lot to Tate, even if it was absolutely nothing to you.

For the first time he felt something more than sorrow.

“So… What do you think of this? I’ll make you listen to some songs by Melanie and other artists, and I’ll listen to your beloved beautiful grunge music.” You said those last words in a mocking way.

Tate huffed, clearly offended by the way you referred to his taste. Nevertheless, in the end he agreed with you.

After paying the stuff you two picked, both of you went to Tate’s place. As you walked next to him, your fingers brushed his, making his cheeks turn a light shade of red and his heart flutter. He felt dizzy, not sure about what was going on.

In his house, he took you to his room. The boy didn’t want his mother to see you, otherwise she’d be too nosy and probably scare you and push you away from him, and that was the last thing he wanted.

“Get comfy.” He mused, extending his hand as if inviting you to take a seat wherever you feel to.

“Thanks.” You sat on the floor, using one of the sides of the bed as a support for your back. He did the same and sat right next to you.

He was nervous. So damn nervous and excited. He brought a pretty chick to his place. The Tate Langdon, the outcast, the bullied, that Tate Langdon was in the same room with a girl? He couldn’t believe it.

“Ladies first.” Tate pointed the record-player with his thumb, and you obeyed, placing the CD in it. The music started playing.

“We could’ve used Spotify, y’know?”

“Nah, I don’t like it. I prefer the old school.”

‘Cry Baby’ was the first track that was listened to.

He squinted his eyes and rubbed his chin, analyzing the sounds, the melody, the harmony and of course the lyrics.

Although it wasn’t his style, you definitely were. The way you looked, talked, walked. How you stood up for your beliefs and didn’t allow him to step on you (even if you just discussed about music). It was new for him. He craved your independence. He craved you.

That was the very moment when he realized that you were the thing he was looking for all his life. You were the one who was meant to be his, he was meant to be yours. It was destiny. Tate truly believed it was some kind of divine prophecy, and he wasn’t going to let you go.

He was so immersed in his mind that he didn’t pay attention to the song anymore. He was solely focused on you, remembering how warm and kind your touch was, how sweet your voice was. ‘Oh, she’s mine’, he thought.

“So… That was the first track. Its name’s Cry Baby. Did you like it?”

Tate snapped out of it and bit his bottom lip. He didn’t listen to your question.

“I’m sorry, what did you?—”

“Did you like the song?”

“Ah, yeah yeah. It’s quite… Innovative. I’ve never heard something like that.”

You smiled and clapped your hands. “Of course! She’s such a genius. Let’s finish the album, hm?”

He just nodded, as a little smirk appeared on his face.

The days flew by, and Tate asked you out on many friendly dates. Or at least that’s what you thought because you were so oblivious at the fact that he had a fat crush on you.

With every hang out, you noticed that Tate was lonely. Like, really lonely. Maybe that’s why he was so clingy with you.

He told you about his family, about how annoying Constance was, about his siblings and about how his father left him behind. He also mentioned the bullying he suffered and almost talked about the self-harm but stopped himself.

Both of you grew closer, as his obsession.

Since you went to a different school, he would skip class and infiltrate your campus just to see you. He couldn’t stand being away from you. And if he did, his mind was full of you, thinking of you all day, unable to focus on his homework and tests. Tate didn’t care anymore if he failed subjects, as long as you were next to him, he was happy and alive.

The void he once felt, was now fulfilled with your mere presence. You could step on him, and he would thank you. In his twisted little mind, you were free to have everything of him.

He was willing to do anything to keep you by his side. The thought of losing was so terrifying that it would make him throw up.

Tate learned every single detail about you. Your mannerisms, your likes and dislikes, your dreams, and your fears. Everything. And that includes your schedule since you wake up, and since you go to sleep.

That was his definition of love. No one ever taught him about how to express it, and he ended up being the way he was with you.

One day he invited you over to his place. The Langdon's house was empty, and he was going to take advantage of it. No doubt.

“Your mom isn’t home?” You questioned as you followed him behind, going upstairs straight to his bedroom. Little did you know this wasn’t going to be another afternoon of playing board games while listening to some music.

“Nah, dunno where she went but she won’t be back any time soon.” He shrugged and let you inside of his private space,

You went to lay down on bed, feeling relief in your aching back after a long day at school. “Damn, I need some rest!”

Tate chuckled softly and sat on the edge, looking at you as you closed your eyes and tried to relax. He was focused on your steady and calm breathing, on how your breasts went up and down with every inhalation and exhalation. His eyes stared at your lips, at how kissable they looked. He felt a sudden desire, the intense urge to make you his. Feeling conflicted, he shook his head and tried to distract himself, pretending to ignore how aroused he was getting.

He wasn’t going to say it out loud, but of course he already had some wet dreams of you. He imagined you beneath him, your precious body shivering and responding to his touch, to his kisses. Your cunt wet and ready for him, just how he wanted to.

“Y/N…” Tate cooed, unable to hold back any longer.

“Yeah?” You opened one of your eyes and spotted him, sitting on the bed with his fists clenched over his thighs, while his breathing looked kinda rapid. “You ‘kay?”

“No.”

“Uh? What’s wrong?” You reincorporated and sat straight beside his warm figure. Your right hand touched his left, rubbing it up and down with your thumb.

Tate shoved you to the bed, pinning your arms above your head and holding them tight.

His breathing pattern was no longer normal. It was a heavy one.

His dark brown eyes locked with yours. Your orbs were wide, not understanding what the hell was going on. Or maybe you did but were in denial.

“Please. I want you.” He purred, seeing you with puppy eyes, the ones he knew you couldn’t resist.

“Hahah, you funny.”

He let out a frustrated whine, almost begging on his knees for you to get the hint.

“I’m not kidding. Pretty please. I need you.”

“Do you mean…?” You raised your head a few centimeters to look at his crotch in order to confirm your suspicions. Your cheeks had a cute blush as soon as you noticed Tate’s erection restrained by his jeans. It looked painful, and it actually was.

“Yes. I want to. Please, I truly need it. Please, please, please?” His voice was shaky and low, a needy desperate whisper. “Can I?”

This wasn’t what you expected for today. You saw Tate as a best friend, but you couldn’t deny he was handsome… And that he already provoked butterflies in your stomach before.

Hesitantly, you gave a shy nod with your head, giving him consent to continue. “But Tate… I’ve never done this before, I dunno what to do, I—” You trailed off, being cut off mid-sentence when Tate placed his lips over yours. The kiss was slow and tender, not rough at all. Your bottom lip was between his, as he nibbled it with extreme care to not hurt you.

After some seconds, he pulled apart and led his hand towards the side of your face, brushing some hairs away. “Don’t ya worry, princess. Leave it all to me, hm? I’ll be gentle. Unless you don’t want me to.” With that being said, he leaned into your neck, pressing his mouth on your sensitive flesh. He left sweet kisses, making you hum as you melted under him.

His lips continued to tease your skin, leaving some little bites between every kiss, trailing down to your collarbone. Tate stopped there and helped you get rid of your blouse, tossing it aside and continued his journey, this time kissing your sternum while his right hand cupped one of your breasts, kneading it gently over the fabric of your bra. He pulled down the straps and took off the piece of lingerie, setting your tits free.

The cold air hit you and your nipples perked up, looking ravishing and making him desire you even more.

He introduced one of the hardened buds into his warm mouth, sucking it greedily and making lewd wet sounds as he did so. His left rubbed the other nipple in circles, taking it with his thumb and index, pulling it and pinching it.

“Hmph… Huh…” You let out soft whimpers, slightly arching your back meanwhile he abused your breasts.

Tate stopped after some minutes, letting go of your nipple and looking at you, grabbing your chin and tilting your head to the side. He approached your ear and whispered, “You like this?”

“Yes…” You begged. Your voice was already ragged and shaky.

Instinctively, you pressed your thighs together, rubbing them as a pathetic try to feel some relief. Tate realized it and spread your legs with one of his hands. He took his digits right to your clothed pussy, eagerly rubbing the spot where your clit was.

“Someone’s already wet? Cute.” He giggled and took off his striped sweater, throwing it away. He positioned himself between your limbs and pulled down your pants, mesmerized as he saw your damp panties. Tate continued rubbing your bundle of nerves over the fabric of your underwear, still fascinated at how humid you were.

This was the moment he had been waiting for the past weeks. He wasn’t going to need to jerk off to your photos anymore, because now he would be able to jerk off to your tits in person.

Tate removed the last barrier that was stopping him from touching your womanhood directly. He pulled them down to your ankles and you helped him to get rid of it by shaking your feet.

He got closer to your cunt and placed your legs over his shoulder, spreading your folds with two of his large digits, blowing some air at the sensitive meat. Finally, he started sucking on your swollen clitoris, enjoying the feeling of your dampness against his face.

“Mmh…” He moaned, still toying with the nub. You grabbed him by the hair, not thinking about what you were doing. You just let yourself go and pulled him closer to your pussy, wanting to feel more. Your body twitched, unconsciously bucking your hips against his mouth that was currently making slurping sounds.

His attention changed and was now on your slit, teasing just the entrance with his hot tongue, while his nose rubbed against your clit. He lapped your pretty cunt, savoring your juices as if they were a delicacy.

Looking at your adorable face contorting in pleasure, he introduced his ring finger into your wet, tight hole. It was a slow and kind movement because the last thing he wanted was to hurt you. He slipped it deeper, pumping it in and out with care, increasing speed after a few seconds once he saw you comfortable. “Tell me if it hurts…”

“Mhm… It feels nice. Huh…” Your melodic whimpers and moans were just too much for him. He could listen to you for the rest of his days and never get tired of you.

Without further ado, he introduced his middle finger, now finger-fucking you with two. Tate’s thumb was also working wonders on your lil’ bundle of nerves in circular motion.

She was clenching around Tate’s large fingers, that he curled inside of her, hitting the right spot to make you squirm and feel a new and foreign sensation in your lower belly.

“Fuck it, I can’t wait anymore.”

He undid his belt, unzipped his pants and pulled down his boxers, quickly getting rid of them and letting them fall to the wooden floor.

You just stared in awe; it was the first time you saw one in real life.

Tate grabbed his hardened cock and stroked it a few times on top of you, finding amusing your silly reaction. The reddish tip was glistening with pre-cum, which he used as lube. He spat at your pussy and rubbed his slick saliva with two digits, before finally thrusting his dick.

He did it slowly, beginning with the head. Eventually, he pushed his entire length, hitting your cervix and stretching you out for the first time.

“Fuck, you’re so tight!” Even if he was taking the lead, he was a whiny mess, vocal and loud.

He continued pounding into you, his gaze never leaving your face. Tate loved how you rolled your eyes to the back of your head and how your little mouth was letting out such nasty sounds.

The room was filled with slapping and wet sounds, created by his skin slapping against yours, his balls always hitting you with every stab. Again, he placed your legs on his wide shoulders to have a better angle and pump into you deeper than before.

His big veiny hands were roaming all over your body, specifically your breasts. Within minutes, he developed an addiction to them. Probably because of his mommy issues? He grabbed them roughly, tweaking both of your nipples as he fucked you mercilessly.

Tate lolled his head as he felt your hole gripping him tight. Very tight.

He increased the pace and moaned your name, begging you to squeeze him tighter.

“Oh, please, please, please!” The blonde kept whining. He left one of his hands taking care of your nipples, while the other went back to torture your clit. He stroked it in circles, and then up and down, applying the enough amount of pressure to make you beg for more.

“Tate, I feel like I’m—”

“It’s okay, let it go, mhm?”

You couldn’t hold yourself any longer and squirted all over him, coating his lower body with your warm fluids.

“Oh, oh, oh, oh, gonna cum!” Tate pulled out from your cunt and pumped his cock with his hand finishing with a loud moan. His hot sticky white cum coated your breasts and abdomen, creating an incredible sight that he always imagined.

All spent, Tate threw himself next to you on the bed, pulling a blanket to cover both of you as he filled your pretty face in candy pecks.

“Did it hurt? First time usually does.” He looked at you, concerned for your wellbeing. “I was too rough?”

You laughed and shook your head no, caressing his messy locks with your fingers, tenderly scratching his scalp. “Don’t worry, I’m fine, really.”

Tate smiled at you and kissed you on the lips, “You’re so pretty, Y/N.”

You hugged him from behind, him being the little spoon this time. Your mind was going wild; you were still processing what happened and was about to drift to sleep when he whispered.

“Y/N…?”

“Mh, what is it, Tate?”

“I love you… Please be mine?”

[mariasabanahabanabana]

FUN FACT OF THE DAY ABT T.S: did you, Raza, guys, my people, know that Taylor Swift is an actual superhero? Cause she saved me

Or well, at least for me is...

For some time now I've been a fan of Taylor Swift or as I usually name her "la wera" (the Blondy) and over the years, because yes, I have been in the fandom for more than a year, I have heard on several occasions the phrase "actually, T.S has a song that explains it", but, (at least me) not so much the phrase "in fact Taylor Swift saved me", so... On this beautiful rainy winter dawn i come to tell you how "Reputation" saved my life...

And yeah, I'm sharing this now cause of the upcoming recording of Reputation and before someone comes to tell me "but how do you know?" Mijin (nickname that we also use in Mexico to refer to Taylor or Swifitie), It's a matter of dates, start doing the math... And probably when the album comes out I'll go into some kind of regression and feel a little unwell...

And well you prob will say: "Why should I care?" (I'm kinda defensive today, r?) And yeash, but this is my blog and if I want to publish a photo of a sausage or my story of surviving my blue period, I'm gonna do it, period. (Sorry for the rudeness, I swear I'm not like that most of the time. [guess so])

Anyway, as Bad Bunny would say, storytime my people.... Or something like that, I'm not a big fan of him....

Well you see, at the same time that Tay was being attacked by the media, fans and basically the "whole world", su servidora (me) wasn't having the best time either, I was in "secundaria", which in USA and Canada is highschool (or to be more specific, 7th-8th grade), so if hormones weren't enough of a problem, add massive hatred, Unrequited crush, two sexual assaults, bulliyng, a fight, a nearly broken ankle, cyber bullying and, as icing on the cake, multiple visits to mental hospitals for various mental and eating disorders 😀👍

Since it was a super dense year (in the bad sense of the word) I'll just give a quick context, but I think the above already makes the point.

Haters gonna hate¿?: private school + people from "high" economic strata + hegemonic white people + (I know this is going to sound like an exaggeration, but I swear it's true) ONLY NON-HEGEMONIC BRUNOWN GIRL= years of bullying - racist attacks - consecutive xenophobes.

And Yep, I'm now aware that I'd have defended myself by hitting, insulting or Go with a professor, but first and foremost, as I said, I was the only girl of colour in my class and one of the few in the school. (was mixed / coeducational, but before that it was male, so it was the most predominant gender), Therefore, hitting or verbally attacking others WAS NOT, NOR IS NOR WILL IT continue to be an option, Secondly, teachers in Mexico suck, not all of them, but most of them, and the ones I had to deal with were, and I went to a Private school, third and last, I was never taught to defend myself, because they (mom, granma, church and the Bible) said that attacking your neighbour (or whoever) was a sin and at that time religion had "some importance in my life", in fact I still find it difficult to defend myself....

Unrequited crush: In short, my crush fell in love with my friend, who knew about my feelings towards him, so with the massive hatred that I already carried, I was considered the "slut" from school, at the age of 14 💀💀💀

Sex assault: The first one was a bet that a WHITE girl made with her friend, it happened in the middle of English class and again I didn't do anything and apparently "nobody noticed" and if they did I don't think they wanted to get involved in a problem with the school - class slut

And the second was when I went to get my physics homework checked, Let's just say that wearing pants doesn't exempt you from being handled like fruit in a market. (It's my trauma, it's my story and I will make whatever jokes I want and Decide)

Bullying: I wasn't pretty, my Reputation was on the floor, they bothered me about my crush, I had some kind of accent, Not much to say about it.

Fight: To date this has been the PENDEJA (DUMB) reason to start a fight... A (ex) friend invited me to the Justin Bieber concert (you can see how old I am and this story is), but within an hour she canceled me for going with another friend (a friend who also bullied me [cancellation that I later found out was due to my bad image and the rumors that circulated about me]), then I don't know how or why but a friend that they both had in common detested me, so with the thing of the concert and my annoyance that my (ex) friend was going out with one of the many girls who bullied me, a group of girls told me that they would "make up" with me on the way out, and that was that.... They took me to the football field (the school was - it's enormous) that was at the other end of the exits and they gave me the beating of my life...

At this point you may be wondering, "but what abt your mom? what's wrong? Didn't she notice the bruises or what?" Look, An advantage - disadvantage of my skin colour is that bruises are hardly visible, so the bumps weren't visible, besides, my mother works, my grandma was her and her only function with me was to pick me up from school, feed me, "take care of me" and see that I did my homework... And my uncle - dad, well.... 🍺🍺🍺

Almost broken ankle: have you ever watched in those typical American series (e.g. Chicken Little) where everyone play dodgeball and end up throwing all the balls at one person, well, I'm the one. So in a game one of the "mean girls" (I'll call it that to shorten the term) threw a ball at my ankle when I was running and well, in those days I used to be prone to tripping.

(oigan nmmn que pinche experiencia tan qlra, ya hasta ando llorando por recordar esto, JAJAJAJAJAJA)

Cyber ​​bullying: bullying, just like the blue sea and sky, is infinite... What I am trying to say is, that high school - puberty should not exist, as well as the access (permission) to social networks, at least during those years...

Hospital visits: okay and now what was arguably one of the hardest knocks I've ever had to go through.... Look guys, my grandma isn't the typical sweet and loving grandmother, I'd say (in my experience) that she's a mix of Ida (Malcolm in the Middle's grandmother) and Grandma from Encantó... However, OF ALL THE ADULTS, SHE WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO REALIZED THAT SOMETHING WAS WRONG WITH ME, cause there came a point where I only slept, I didn't even take off my uniform or do my homework and if I did, I slept the rest of the time until night, the time when my most catholic side came out, because night after night I asked, not PRAY, IMPLORE God (if there's one or exists) to take me, because I couldn't go on, I didn't want to go on, I only wanted to fall asleep and never wake up... What a merciful being he is...

One night I couldn't sleep, apart from the anxiety I had I was also dealing with tooth decay, so, being the brightest person in the county, I took almost a whole box of ibuprofen 500mg and naaaaambre, Until that point I had not felt my heart beat so fast... Not even when I was in love, I went to the nursery, they checked me and well... There, everything was revealed, my cuts, my record of constant visits (as I was just looking for an excuse to leave early) and that I was clearly suffering from an overdose. After that morning I can't remember much of what happened in the next few hours - days....

The case, I ended up hospitalized for a month, When I returned to school I was known as "Hanna Baker", that's right, the one from the series, at this point I only hung out ( eat in the Playtime ) with 3 friends... As for my "multiple hospital visits", I asked my mum to do what she could to let me out to finish the year, as there was NO FU C K I N G WAY I was gonna repeat that grade.... So they (doctor's) "agreed", signing a responsive letter and that, plus two weeks before graduation I went back, returned to school and was again interned....

Now, que porongas (what the heck) does Taylor Swift have to do with all this?? Well you see, I had heard her music before, but I wasn't the graaan fan, but between my interventions and constant outings I heard her music, specifically Rep, cause it was the year she came back and I didn't really know who she was or what she was going through, but hearing the album made me feel connected to her, her lyrics, situation and feelings (once I translated them of course). Later I looked into what was going on with their massive cancellation and well, in that moment of loneliness I felt what I needed, to know that someone understood what I was "going through".

So, if it weren't for Rep, especially my holy, Give me strength in my worst moments, Trinity, "LWYMMD, I did something bad and Don't Blame me", I probably wouldn't be here, telling this or maybe I'd, but I'll still be stuck in that hole of depression.

So in a few possible days - months not only will Reputation be released, but it will also celebrate another year of life... yeah, my "me" from before, of course Was dying slowly and cruelly (literally) in that year, 2017, but one way or another she (I) managed to come back to life.

I might be 20, In legal terms, but, I died and came back to life and currently have been 6 years without being thaaaat bad, absolutely I still take my meds, go (try) to therapy, and have been hospitalized, but (for only god knows What occasion number) no blue period compares and I hope it never compares to what I go through....

And for that strength, courage and support that @taylorswift gave me, thank you so very , very, very, much... I don't think I'll ever be able to thank you for this... This second chance and reinvention

[h2bakugou]

Yes yes yes yesyesyesyesyes ok!! So then can I request present mic? Doing anything??? No I’m kidding I do actually have a prompt. I was thinking abt mic’s radio show and specifically, if he had an s/o who wrote music. Bc u know he would help them produce it and then play it nonstop on air aaaaaa

a/n: yes!! present mic love!! i love him so much i swear! <3 he has my heart dkdkmn this is such a cute request please- i apologize for the late posting!!

summary: you're an ambitious, gleeful, songbird at heart, and though you're quirkless, you've captivated the heart of the music-loving, radio show hosting, loud, sweetheart, present mic!

key: (y/n) - your name / (f/n) - first name / (l/n) - last name / (e/c) - eye color / (h/c) - hair color / (y/q) - your quirk

warnings: swearing, fluff

word count: 1.3k

;cut for length;

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You started as an intern. A beaming smile on your lips most days, always happy to be in the studio with Mic when he was teaching you the ins and outs of radio hosting.

You'd majored in music business, the end goal in mind of writing and releasing your own music, though most of your plans had fallen through, the only opportunity to get you back on your feet after college being this deal you couldn't pass up.

Co-hosting with Present Mic on his own radio show.

The offer had actually been given to you by one of your superiors at the studio you worked at, having seen your optimism when it came to writing music and your love of music in general.

They wished you good luck and would always welcome you back if things didn't go so well. But you kept your head up high and marched into that studio ready to take on the world alongside the loud blonde.

And down the line, three years later, you were surprised to say the least.

"Your coffee as usual." Hizashi sets down the patriotic blue U.A. thermos sent out to the teachers at the beginning of the year. Since you'd practically moved in 'unofficially' with Mic, unofficially because you weren't technically allowed to stay due to the fact you didn't work for the school, rather employed by Mic himself in his private studio, but you were the tiny exception since you did technically work in the school.

"Thanks! Hey, I was wondering if you could check this new thing I've been working on and give me some criticism, it's just a rough draft, the lyrics just kind of came to me after a shot or two at Vlad's birthday party the other night." You giggled as you tossed him the flash drive containing your latest project, the sensitive information contained on the tiny disc landing in the palm of your boyfriend's hands.

"Another song? You're blessing my ears so early in the morning. I'm dreaming! Pinch me!" He teases. Mic's been the biggest supporter of your music since he overheard the pipes you had.

You'd had that kind of night the second week of your internship, battling the oncoming hangover after drinking with your cool new pro-hero teacher friends, your thoughts turning to lyrics as you worked in the studio, the only light being the small lamp on the side Mic kept when he worked late too.

He'd forgotten his room keys in the studio again, something you realized he did often and as he stopped by to pick them back up, that's when he heard you. You sounded so angelic, almost as if you were some sort of angel.

At first, he thought maybe it was just a recording or some sort of dare he say, Melodyne filter while you were messing around in the mic at night.

But you weren't. Your authentic voice shell-shocked him, and he sort of listened to you the entire night until you nearly pissed your pants turning around and seeing him.

“Yeah, it’s nothing special really-” You’re back to reality as Mic quickly has his headphones over his ears, a large grin on his lips as he listens, his fingers tapping away to the beat already.

You work on other tasks, filtering through requests and putting them in the queue while Mic listens to your song, his heart pounding. You were so talented and he’d wish you’d give yourself a bit more credit. You have what it takes to make it big, and he’d support you every step of the way.

“You know with this and the other tracks you have, you’d have enough to push out an EP. All you need is a bit of marketing and producing, and I’d be more than willing to help!” Mic smiles, wheeling over to you, pressing an encouraging peck to your cheek.

“It sounds great, but who would wanna listen to what I write?” You giggle, toggling an advertisement as you glance over at the blonde.

“How about this, You let me help you, I’ll spread the trial around here at work and if it gets good reviews, we publish.” Hizashi is nothing short of persuasive, and for the rest of the week he has you in his studio, adding layer after layer, fine-tuning and weeding out bits of the collection of songs you’d written until you have an EP.

Long nights fueled by coffee, water, and tea, and takeout eventually land you with the very first copy of your own EP. 

In your hands, it’s palpable. It’s real. It doesn’t have any cover art, or a title, let alone who sang it, but Mic hands you a sharpie and you feel this fire coursing through your veins.

You feel more than accomplished.

You scribble some title down that you’d work on later and messily sign your name for Mic to make copies and then throughout the next week, you’ve got dozens of messages flooding your inbox telling you to drop it on some streaming platforms.

And the following night Mic is consoling your tears as you hit your first 100 streams. 

“I’m so proud of you.” He coos, kissing your cheeks, wiping your tears away with his kisses, patting you on the head.

“You’re so cheesy.” You tease him.

“Says you! You named an entire song after me.” Mic huffs, crossing his arms over his chest.

“What if ‘my beloved’ was about Marty?” You giggle. Marty, the sparkly, beautiful, elegant, beta-fish you’d adopted as the studio mascot swam around in his tank, decked out with super cool aquatic music themed stuff.

“You wouldn’t dare!” Mic laughs, his long blonde hair sweeping over his shoulders. 

“Your hair always looks so nice down.” You snuggle into him, your fingers twisting around the ends. Hizashi shakes his head and stares down at you.

“And you’re as radiant as ever, my love.” Hizashi pulls you into him, snuggling his head into your neck, placing a gentle kiss to your skin as he holds you near to him.

“Do you sing, ‘Zashi?” You ask quietly.

“No comment.” Mic giggles, his laughs tickling your skin.

“Would you work on a song with me?” You ask sweetly.

“I would love to.”

Callers chime in every so often for requests, since Mic loves to annoy the listeners by playing your EP track by track almost daily. You have to knock some sense into him telling him that there’s a quota to fill and while you love how he supports you, you’ve got them stuck in your head too.

And when you play them every so often, your heart warms when someone requests one of yours to play. Even more so, when your songs rise to much more notable fame, you’re working on your own album, with the lovely producing of Mic, and it even features a lovely duet between the two of you.

In fact, something you’d found out with having so many connections to pros, was the amount of hidden talent.

You’d requested a song with Kyoka Jiro, the beautiful voice you’d heard at the school festival had belonged to her and you’d been wanting to work with her since she also shared a love for music, and though she was young, she seemed rather happy to sing, even if she might’ve been shy about it first.

An unlikely duo might’ve come from a dare, Hawks. While he was rather against the idea at first, his voice was smooth and mellow, and it clashed with yours perfectly for some sort of sappy anti-romantic love song. Whatever the case, it made charts. 

But Mic continued to be your biggest supporter, no matter how or if you got big. You’d always find your way back into his arms, messing around with him on the radio show, and dodging paparazzi whenever you two left campus.

»»————-　★　————-««

masterlist

[dropofgoldensun]

omg hiiiii i am here from cat (@luvdsc) wondering if you could offer any advice about college apps 🙏 especially about the uc piqs? thank you so much i hope ur doing well!!!!!!!!

yes yes hello friend !! 💝 miss cat directed you to me because i did my college apps last year !!! (yikes one year passed already?? why does that feel ages ago 🤧)

first of all, congratulations on making the decision to apply to college !! i know it’s been hard for a lot of people our age to figure out the college situation recently, so i’m proud of you for choosing to take the extra step this summer to buckle up and write those essays 💞

i’ve compiled a few tips on answering the PIQs (i was actually in the middle of typing this up when i received your ask haha), but some of them can be applied to other essays, as well !! they’re all under the cut (because, unfortunately, being brief is not my forte) 😊

(and for reference, the prompts i chose were #2 (creativity), #6 (subject), #7 (community), and #8 (anything) !!)

tip #1: understand the prompt.

before you even begin writing, it’s important to understand what the question is really asking. for the UC PIQs, this will look different depending on which four prompts you decide to do.

in question one, for example, they want to know about your skills in leading others, but notice that they’re also curious about your resolution abilities and teamwork experience. or in question two, they don’t want to know that you paint and that you love painting—they could be asking how resourceful you are, how you think outside the box when you have an idea.

once you know the question you’re going to be answering, you can move on to brainstorming!

tip #2: write down three (3) key takeaways.

these are like the most basic, not-even-a-sentence answers you would give to each question. so for me, in response to question eight (“what do you believe makes you stand out as a strong candidate for the UCs?”), my answers were perseverance, courage, and character. i had a story about that, so i wrote about my experience with martial arts.

i recommend you do something similar. decide on three things that you want to communicate to your audience, and write them in the footnote of your document. your goal is to cover all three points so that, if anyone were to read your essay, they would walk away understanding those three things about you.

i found this strategy really helpful for keeping my essay streamlined while writing—if a sentence didn’t relate to any of those main points, i would cut it since those words would take up valuable space in the word count. stay focused on what needs to be in this essay, and if you have extra words left in the word count later, you can add those details back in.

and once you’re done with your essay, make sure to refer back to your takeaways and check that you covered all of them sufficiently!

tip #3: highlight your stories.

i sent cat an ask a couple days ago with a few pictures of my response to an end-of-year college counseling survey that referenced this tip (you can find it here). basically i said that, when choosing what topics to write about, pick things that interest you! if you get excited talking about it, your audience should get excited about reading it, because they’ll pick up on the passions you have and then everyone’s excited !!! :D

i’ll tell you a secret: everyone you meet, everyone you see, has countless unique experiences that few others may have. me? i spend hours making mashups out of kpop songs. i earned my black belt years after a traumatizing experience during training. i get russian harry potter and spanish dr. seuss books from the library. and i created a collaborative online google photos album for my classmates that now has thousands of entries. although these aren’t necessarily unique to only me, they’re still special enough to the point where, when you put them all together, you get a better image of the person i am, and what i value.

so find a story, a habit, a hobby that makes you different, because i believe that everyone has them. give them some food for thought, or that one-liner that sticks in their brain and won’t go away. and remember: these stories don’t all have to be extraordinary—they should be about people or moments of special value to you, because that’s what matters.

personal tip: when i was brainstorming ideas, i decided that the best way to get ideas out there was to go on a rant (because sometimes it helps to just have a conversation with yourself !!) and i recorded myself, so i could replay what i said !! this was so so crucial to me finding my own voice for writing essays. notice the way you word things when you talk—a good line or two may make it into the final draft :)

i found it helpful to read sample essays as well! they give a lot of great ideas on the kinds of topics people write about. (also, it’s kind of fun, because who doesn’t love a good story?)

but the people reading your essay won’t be there to just enjoy your story; what they really want you to do is to tell them what you learned from your experience. they want to know whether you’re teachable and willing to grow both as a student and as a young adult. so make sure to take note of the life lessons you learned, experience you gained, character you built, etc.

minor tip on ending your essay: if you’re telling a story that happened in the past, then close with what you learned and how you can apply that to your life moving forward. if you’re telling a story that has no definite end yet (like a passion or dream you have), you probably don’t have everything figured out (and you can say that in your essay!), so it might be better to close with your hopes for the future.

tip #4: ask your family for help.

peer-editing is one of the most effective ways to detect errors and inconsistencies in your writing, because, after staring at your essay for so long, you might gloss over glaring contradictions. for all of my essays, i printed them out and asked my parents to help me revise them. we’d meet every other night (or every night, depending on how much time was left) to review and discuss improvements.

i actually kept some of those printed drafts (only the first and the final ones for comparison), and let me tell you from experience—you’re probably going to have a lot of drafts (i think the most i did was seven? but you don’t need to go that far!). this part of the process does take some time, so remember to be patient and kind to yourself :) these essays won’t happen overnight!

enlisting the help of others also helps keep you accountable. one of the struggles many seniors face while writing essays is just... setting aside time to do them. and even though the constant reminders from your parents will definitely get repetitive and a bit stress-inducing, i can tell you from personal experience that i’m so glad they did; otherwise, i don’t think i’d have my essays done in time :’)

while writing college essays is challenging, your family will be there supporting you each step of the way. chances are that they’ll have their own pointers to pass on to you, since they probably remember doing this process themselves! and, out of everyone in your life, they probably remember the most about you (because you probably don’t remember much when you were four or five), so they might have a couple starter ideas for topics when brainstorming. you can rely on them for their advice and their experience.

tip #5: self-editing.

here’s the part that takes the longest time.

use action words. this is probably something you’ve heard all throughout elementary school where they didn’t like you to say “said” because it was “boring”… but honestly, the difference between “doing my own version” and “infusing it with my personality” could go a long way. also, use words that you would actually use in an essay—then it’ll have your own special flair, and not sound like it’s taken from some stuffy 80s textbook!

here are some of the words i used (once again, you shouldn’t use these words if they don’t sound like something you’d write/say): potential, overlay, wrestle, launch, analogous, weave, infuse, experiment, outlet, revel, fascinate, satisfaction, pursue, expand, distinction, capture, range, archive, engage, beyond, build, adversity, cultivate, preserve, commit, explore, convey, naturally

also, be on the lookout for repeated words. i once wrote an essay without noticing that i used “hope” three times in the same paragraph. don’t do that! use synonyms :) personally, i tended to run short on synonyms, so i always kept a tab or two open on my computer reserved for searching up new words.

side note: unfortunately, during my search for synonyms, i discovered that thesaurus.com just didn’t give me what i was looking for. i highly recommend using wordhippo instead; it has so many more options and they’re grouped by the different definitions of your word! i found the synonyms i needed really quickly and it was very satisfying!

avoid the passive voice! my teacher gave me this tip for theses or any other college-level writing. here’s an example of the passive voice: “there was a large part of me that wanted to turn back.” that’s twelve words taking up precious space in your word count! instead, say something like, “i considered turning back.” you’ve just freed up eight words :)

tip #6: final revisions.

this is the step where you fine-tune your essays. meet that word count.

read your writing out loud. does it sound like you? it should. every writer has a different voice, and you need to ensure that yours is pervasive throughout your essay. feel free to use contractions—not only do they reduce your word count (this was a good thing for me, since i had a problem with getting under 350 words), but they also give a more casual tone to your essay, as if you’re telling a story to someone in the room.

next, pretend to be an admissions officer and have someone else read your essay to you. do you get excited hearing about this student who shares your name? if you do, there’s a good chance the real admissions officers will love your essays, too. this also gives you a chance to review to your essay as a whole. pay attention to the overall flow. is there a clear beginning and end? do you resolve the issues and overcome the trials you brought up? listen to it as if it’s a story, and take this time to enjoy what you’ve written. you worked hard!

final thoughts / encouragements.

oh my goodness, did we make it to the end? honestly if you did, thank you so much 🥺

okay but despite my relatively optimistic tone throughout this post, i’m still going to be honest with you—the college essay writing process is difficult. it requires you to look inside yourself and analyze the “why” behind some of the things that you love, and that isn’t easy to do at all. it’s intellectually and emotionally challenging, because not only do you need to use so much energy writing, but you also have to dig deeper to understand yourself, and that’s not easy, either.

but i wanted to encourage you, too. no matter what you may think of yourself at 12am, 2am, 4am writing these essays, believe you have a personality that others love and will love when they meet you. you are an interesting person with unique experiences who deserves to share your thoughts with others. you have so many people behind you, supporting you during these next few months. and when you find that you can’t write any more, remember to take time to care for yourself. have a warm shower. go to bed early. i could go on and on about why sleep is good for your brain but i’ll spare you the details in this post 😉

one last thing: keep the bigger picture in focus. remember, by december or january, you will be finished with most of the application process. that’s no small accomplishment. you can do it. 💝

i really hope you found tips that you were looking for, and that they’re applicable to your own PIQs and other essays !! if you have any other questions, feel free to send in another ask (i promise my response won’t be this lengthy LOL) 💘💓

oh, and if you feel comfortable enough reaching out about anything in particular, i’m only a DM away 💕 i wish you the best of luck on writing your essays and i hope you enjoy your final year of high school !! 💗🌸💟💖

[taeyohonic]

stolen dances | chap. V

summary: sometimes supporting the person you love is the hardest challenge you’ll ever face.

pairing: jeon jungkook x fem!reader

rating: m

warning: one/two swear words

additional tags: f2l, ceo!jungkook, bestfriend!jungkook, shrink!yoongi, my best friend’s wedding meets 27 dresses (if the boss/secretary couple had happened), angst-y

words: 1500

links: prev. | next

note: lower case letters intended

chapter summary: a muffin never tasted so bittersweet

can you believe it’s been three years? i miss you army

you can’t help the bittersweet memories flooding your mind at jungkook’s tweet. it’s been such a long time since bangtan stood in front of their fans – performing their music to the people who adored them with all their hearts.

you, yourself, were part of this crowd, more times than your bank account wishes to remember. their stage presence was so enticing, so alluring, you could not not fall in love with them.

jungkook shared some pictures in his tweet, old photos of jin and him demolishing a plate of deep-dish pizza in chicago, of jimin and taehyung posing in front of their pop up store in seoul, and one with all four of them bowing to the crowd in tokyo dome.

there is a smile on your face – not because you think about their shared journey, but because your best friend chose photos of events that you attended. sure, you hadn’t known them back then. but it can’t be a coincident that you have similar pictures – granted from another perspective – on your own camera roll. it makes you miss him.

“what’s going on?”, yoongi asks as he slides your coffee across the table. your starbucks is full of people, but namjoon, yoongi’s dear friend, works here. so, there is always a spot cleared for you. you don’t mind the special treatment as you sip your white mocca.

“just thinking”, you mumble, warmed by the caffeine.

“that can’t be good”, he says and sips his iced americano. he looks as tired as you feel. yoongi is recording his second mixtape right now. so, after he finishes his work talking to people about their problems, he starts rewriting, taping, recording, mixing and editing. no wonder he looks like death.

“i have you know that i’m actually thinking 67 percent of the day.”

“that can’t be good as well, ______. please use your brain more often – it might evolve with training.”

you gap at his audacity. “you do know i’m not paying you to talk me down, right?”

yoongi’s eyes smile while his lips are still half asleep. “you’re not paying me right now, _____. we are just friends meeting up for coffee before we have to… be a part of the working class.”

“i still can’t believe i get to see beautiful, brilliant, boisterous butterflies”, you say. your friend answers with an unattractive snort as his hands move into his thick, bleached hair.

“and i can’t believe you’re getting paid to watch bonkers, brackish, boring butterflies.”

you look away as you see his biceps flex. when did get this muscular? it takes a second for you to register his insult. maybe you need another coffee before leaving.

“i do have to care about my class as well, yoongi. it’s not all sunshine and butterflies. it’s also children’s snot and education.” still, you’re not making eye contact. if this was a therapy session, he’d ask for you to look at him, to ask why you’re feeling uncomfortable. but here, you are… just his friend.

“your work is important, _____, i know”, yoongi answers honestly. he knows how much you love these animals and children. and it is a big deal that seoul’s butterfly exhibition opens up just for your excursion. it makes him happy to see you this excited.

“and because i know that, i’ll remind you that you had to leave three minutes ago.” what? your eyes rush to your watch, only to widen in surprise.

“damn it, namjoon”, you mutter. your barista friend did take a long time with your order.

“don’t blame joon, _____. we were the ones who missed the train”, your friend reminds you as you put on your jacket in a rush.

“less correcting me, more helping me, yoongi”, you shush at him and make a motion to your heavy bag right next to his chair. “come on.”

yoongi doesn’t know why he agreed to help you carry all the lunch packs to school, he really doesn’t. nevertheless, he gets up and slings the heavy bag onto his shoulder and grabs his half-finished drink.

“let’s go – teacher of the year.”

**

the exhibition is amazing. you feel true bliss walking around the nature themed rooms, all home to one of the most rare, beautiful creatures. the kids hang on their tour guide’s lips as she tells them interesting facts about butterflies.

your phone is a constant companion – the camera roll now filled with funny pictures for the moms and dads to enjoy at the next parent-teacher conference. there are even a few photos of just you with a pink butterfly resting on your shoulder. jisoo, your coworker, is an amateur instagrammer, so the results of her taking your pictures are… really flattering.

now, the kids enjoy their break before you guys leave to drive back to school.

“really, you amaze me, ___”, your coworker says as she sits next to you on the bench – eyes trained on your students chasing around the butterflies.

“why?”, you ask, your attention monopolized by the two boys in a heated exchange over their shared butterfly net.

“getting the exhibition to open up just for our class? after hours? without additional fees?”

you flinch at her words as your heartbeat quickens. “wha- what? jisoo? i-“, you start to stutter, “i thought… you organized that.”

there is a fruit basket waiting on her desk with a thank you note for all her planning. now jisoo, too, looks uncomfortable.

“i didn’t”, she says.

**

it takes you a long time before you reach out. the whole train ride was spent with a pro and contra list on your ipad. then, while you were making yourself a two-person bowl of ramen, you crafted more than one email, only to delete every attempt. you haven’t talked to jungkook for more than five days. that’s the longest period the two of you ever went without seeing each other.

there is still a tightness in your chest when you think about his insult that night on the terrace. at first, you weren’t sure if jungkook realized that he hurt you – admittedly you aren’t the best with communicating your feelings. but your cold responses to his texts the next day must have been enough of a red flag for him to act.

then came the gifts: a triple chocolate muffin, still warm, delivered to your home before you had to leave on monday.

on tuesday, there was a singed copy of the unreleased album from one of your favorite kpop groups.

the next day, there was a poem collection where he scribbled in some commentary. you nearly teared up at that because this used to be your ritual when you first got to know each other: lending books with marked and commented pages for the other to enjoy.

on thursday he was strangely silent – only a single daisy decorated your briefcase.

but now, on friday, he went out of his way to get your class into this exhibition. you don’t even want to think about what that must have cost him.

there is an uneasiness in your fingertips as you dial his number. for one fleeting moment you want to call your therapist instead. but you can’t… because you may have left your whole “cold-shoulder-to-jungkook”-move out of the last session. and you really can’t take yoongi’s probing right now.

he answers after seven rings, breathlessly happy.

“______”

you smile and it’s not uncomfortable.

“jungkook… you didn’t have to”, you greet him and can’t help the endearment in your voice. he picks up on that and chuckles.

“of course, i didn’t… i wanted to.”

“thank you”, you answer, “it was really the highlight of my week.”

you can hear his cockiness at your words. “better than stray kids’ new album?”

“better than your thoughts on contemporary poems”, you counter teasingly. then, there is a beat of silence.

“______”, jungkook begins, “i… i really didn’t want you to think i’m not … or that i wouldn’t… do anything for you. you mean so much to me… it’s a shame i have to prove it to you… it should be… obvious.”

you suck in air as if your life depends on it. his words warm your heart and his awkwardness makes you smile.

“i get that i wasn’t the best of friends… but i’ll improve – trust me!”, jungkook vows with fire in his voice. “the winter collection has been kicking my ass… my family has been nagging about christmas… and the wedding…”

there is a beat of silence you do not dare to interrupt. this is his moment, not your responsibility.

jungkook collects himself fast and continues. “i know how much you’ve done for this wedding, for me… for us… and i want to be more involved… i’ll be by your side for all of next week’s appointments. ms yang already cleared my schedule.”

jungkook wants… to be by your side when you talk to the dj? the cake decorator? when you finalize the seating chart? dear lord.

“let’s spend some quality time together, ____. just you and me… and the wedding.”

you cannot find the right responds as you gap silently into your phone. after a moment, another voice is heard through the speaker.

“ask her if she liked the muffin i baked her.” his fiancée’s words punch you in the gut without ill-intent.

___

hi guys! I hope you are doing well! i had to take my first covid test this week – it was negative but that’s an experience for itself, right? i hope you are healthy and you enjoyed this chapter. i’d really love to hear your thoughts! next up: junkook and the reader tackling some of the wedding preparation… love, dana

taglist: @livewittykid​  @thequeen-kat​ @kagami-s-void​ @goldenclosethobi​ @youwannabelostandnotbefound​ @jinsalpaca​ @bishuthot​ @laabellaavitaa21​ @baekstans​  @jalexad​

[1ddotdhq]

🎃 Fri 30 Oct ‘20🎄

Naughty List is out, and it’s exactly what we thought it would be: an EDM track over an upbeat, catchy sexy Christmas song (I bet that’s one sentence you did not think you’d be reading today). A limited edition signed CD is available to buy for one week only! Liam went live on Instagram to carve pumpkins with videographer Conor Butler (hi friend!), Conor’s fiancee Meg, and Maya. The camera was only on Liam, but the other three would insert periodic comments, and gave the live show a fun, banter-y atmosphere. Despite being a Web Summit Tech Expert™, Liam still has a bit of trouble running a live show, and abruptly ended his first one only to start again and continue carving his pumpkin. His design, perfectly considered, was Jack Skellington from The Nightmare Before Christmas - Christmas and Halloween together, like Liam’s weekend! Other high points of the show include Liam meeting Dixie for the first time and asking for some Tik Tok advice (it was a bit awkward and you could tell they were both nervous), another ticket giveaway, his commentary on the Golden video (he hasn’t seen it yet but he appreciates the mustache and the running - uh, same!), congratulating Niall on his upcoming show (“It’s busy,” he says - Liam you have NO IDEA), a scroll through some fanart (I briefly thought he was on tumblr which combined with his "I see everything, you guys don't realize I see a lot" was, uh, ALARMING but it was twitter and he was talking about seeing someone's..toe??), his outfit: he says he was channelling ‘art teacher’, and he hit the nail on the head with his cardigan, flannel, and vintage Guns n Roses T. Also, for any fans that were overly concerned - don’t worry, darlings:  Liam finally got a hold of Louis yesterday, and said that “I'm excited to see what he's got planned coming up. Um but yeah, it's nice - everything is really nice.” The fans quickly went UH WHAT DOES LOUIS HAVE COMING UP, but no one has anything else to say on the matter, so I guess we’ll all find out together. 

I do know what Harry’s got coming up, though: he’s playing the Jingle Ball! It will be a socially distanced performance “from the artists home” where they will be showing fans some of their own holiday traditions and alternating their own songs and Christmas songs. People have started speculating that perhaps the performance with the Free Nationals might have something to do with the performance, but, really, that’s all guess work. Fans have had a great time laughing at the idea of Harry actually walking us through his house, and he definitely won’t be sharing any actual household traditions: for example, his longstanding tradition of celebrating Christmas in the UK is gonna be hard to replicate from LA. Harry also popped up on Instagram to like some posts about Cam’s new album, Otherside, and the lyric video for Changes dropped late last night, featuring - wait for it - HARRY THE PINK FISH! The illustration was a blue tadpole transforming into a frog and jumping from lily pad to lily pad, and then, for Harry’s whistle bridge, a pink fish showed up wearing his Pearl Necklace - an Actual Jewel Fish! OTP: if you’re a fish, then I’m a fish, CLEARLY! 

Niall did some modeling today - selfie not studio pictures (“the pavement is my catwalk”) to show off the goodie basket of Wonder merch Shawn Mendes sent him to promote his upcoming album.The merch included some cool hats and hoodies, to which Niall said, “Thank you bud ❤️️. Congrats on the record. Excited for the fans to hear the rest of it”. I Wonder if that’s it for Shiall content? Nope! Niall took to twitter to promote the album, confirming that he HAS already heard it and that he DOES have a favorite song but not saying absolutely anything else. No Fair, fans complained! Niall, I’m sure, looked at the chaos and jealousy gleefully. Niall also had some instagram tech issues (they’ll get you every time) and accidentally went live when trying to post a story. The live show lasted for all of thirty seconds before he shut it down and said, “I clicked on the radio 1 think and my insta went live. God knows 😂”. And Royal Albert Hall rehearsals are starting: John Bird Jr., Niall’s Bassist, posted a picture of Niall’s band saying, “Dusting off the cobwebs. Feck it’s good to be back!”. Yeah it is! Liam can’t wait to see the show! And, us, of course. We can’t wait to see it, either. 

Zayn is also back to do some (professional) modeling for a familiar brand: Martyre posted an instagram story of his hands holding a guitar and wearing rings! The picture is a close up of his hands only - his bird tattoo and ‘love’ tattoo are clearly visible, and he’s wearing two Martyre rings on his ring finger. Both the rings and the guitar say “pray for us” which is Martyre’s slogan. The picture is no longer up, but hopefully we will be seeing more pictures of him in the future! Maybe the whole shoot (or the whole Zayn) next time?? 

[kyotakumrau]

2020.09.19 ROCK AND READ 091 - interview with utA - translation PART 1/2

'I'll be damned, what was that?!'

Interview: Yukinobu Hasegawa

Photos: Yosuke Komatsu (ODD JOB LTD.)

Translation: kyotaku You can buy the magazine on amazon, tower records etc ฅ( ̳• ·̫ • ̳ฅ)♡

After Kyo, Takumi and YUCHI from sukekiyo, it’s time for the interview with utA.

He’s experienced white collar work in his hometown Niigata, but couldn’t give up his dream of being in a band, so he moved to Tokyo, his band 9GOATS BLACK OUT attracted attention because of their fantastical music yet then disbanded, but because Kyo had listened to their music utA has started a new episode of his music life.

We ask him about the very start of his interest in music and his life until now.

And then... With many interesting stories like the one about the eerie episode when he came to Tokyo, we can show you utA’s odd music history.

utA  / sukekiyo: profile & information

birthday March 26th. joined Kyo’s project sukekiyo as a guitarist in 2013. other members are Kyo (vocal), Takumi (guitar, piano), YUCHI (bass) and Mika (drums). their last release is the video compilation ‘LIQUEFACIO’ with the live footage from their show in Nakano Sunplaza in June 2019.

-- First, I’d like to ask you about the time you got into rock and playing the guitar. Were there any significant bands or guitarists for you when you were young?

utA: I think it was around elementary grade 5 or 6, it was X (-Japan). I was born in Joetsu city in Niigata, there was a CD shop stocked with v-kei and rock stuff there. It was a rural town, but at that time, there was a shop that was selling nothing but rock stuff.

-- It seems to be a quite early to start frequenting CD shops as a elementary school student.

utA: Yeah, I think it was early. I had a friend who was playing the piano, I heard him playing songs like “Silent jealousy” from X, I think that was how I got to know X and their heartrending phrases I love. After that I wanted to hear more from them so I listened to their first indies album “Vanishing Vision”. And then their first major release “BLUE BLOOD”.

-- You weren’t playing the guitar yet when you got to know X as an elementary school student?

utA: It was accidental, but my brother was playing the guitar. I think he liked ZIGGY, JACKSONS’N’JOKER, COLOR, BUCK-TICK etc when I was five. So I have seen my brother playing the guitar at home, but he didn’t influence me at all (laughing). I remember he liked to sing by himself while playing, I have this impression that he was a good singer, but didn’t play the guitar that well (laughing). But we were far apart in age, we weren't that attached, I felt if I just grabbed the guitar I could play. So I borrowed it and fumbled trying to play the songs as I listened to them.

-- But playing the guitar was then just something fun to do?

utA: It was definitely something fun, but I remember entering a music studio around junior high. I briefly started a band with friends. I guess there was no proper shape to it, but I wanted to play some songs, gathered friends and we played “Silent Jealousy”. I played the guitar, I tried really hard with the main phrases and so on. But I really couldn’t play well (laughing). My brother taught me things like A chord or E chord, in basic power chords, things like guitar solos came out very shaky. I recorded that. With a very simple cassette recorder with two buttons, play and record. I have no idea what happened with those cassette tapes, but I’d really kill to listen to them now (laughing).

-- To start a band and use a music studio in the junior high, that's quite remarkable. You were driven this much?

utA: Yeah, by X. I was also attracted by their looks and make up. It's not like all my friends were into the exactly same stuff but there were people who liked music. And there was one music instrument shop, I also went there often. The recording on the cassette tape happened at the end of junior high or start of high school. After X came LUNA SEA. It's a bit hard to explain, but in a way LUNA SEA matched my preferences better. Isn't LUNA SEA a metal band? With INORAN's clean guitar and SUGIZO's distorted guitar, this kind of separation was also novel. I got a shock running through me like 'I'll be damned, what was that?' There is such an awesome clean guitar like that? I though cleanly played super impressive phrases were amazing.

-- Your guitarist opinion was born at that time.

utA: That's right. It was a great impact, from creating sound, through phrases all the way to arrangement. I needed to know how do they get such beautiful sound. Until then I kept thinking that guitar sound should be distorted. I also learnt from music magazines etc that with a delay and chorus you will get a nice effect. And I remember listening to late night radio show "Break Out" or it was in some magazine that SUGIZO advised 'you can get our sound if you use an effector like this'. That's why the first effector I bought was the delay and chorus. My brother had the ones to create distortion, so I only had to add the delay and chorus. I also used my brother's Fender Made in Japan Strato(caster), so it was perfect for clean sounds.

-- So when you became a high school student did you get even more friends interested in music?

utA: I did. I would start talking about music right after coming back home. My home was our hanging out place, people were often surprised by the amount of CDs in my house (laughing). Listening to songs, we watched live DVDs and we all talked about the cool phrases we heard. And then I decided to buy a guitar model used by the artist I liked. So then it was exciting to talk about saving up for one (laughing).

-- You were already using a Stratocaster, but had another guitar you wanted?

utA: Now I know well that Fender’s Strato is a really good guitar, but at that time the look of the guitar was very important, it felt like strato was too simple. And that’s why I bought a guitar used by the artist I haven’t mentioned yet, so it might feel like coming out of nowhere, but it was the model used by Shin from Kuroyume. It was a Les Paul Model that came from GrassRoots, with two single coils. One of my friends was a big fan of Kuroyume so I often listened to their music and really got into Shin’s playing style. Les Paul models have nice shape and they can produce both clean and distorted/dirty sounds, so I decided to get Shin’s model. I was torn if I should get INORAN’s model instead, but it gave an impression of clean sound and because I also wanted to produce distorted sound I went with Shin’s. As a stupid kid your whole evaluation criteria is based on the sound created by the musician, right? Ah, but I just remembered that time I chose single coil. Even though for rock you’re much better off with guitars equipped with Humbucker.

-- You’re using the Fender’s Strato with sukekiyo.

utA: I am. I’m also using a Dragonfly, I’m swapping between them with a tap switch. If I had to say which is better, I like the sound of the single coil. I definitely got influenced by the clean sound created by INORAN. Even now I care a lot when creating clean sounds.

-- When JHS students get into bands and guitars, isn’t it easy for them to get easily misguided? They start to neglect their studies, join some band as a bassist, choose their high school based on the chances of starting a band there and so on.

utA: By some band you mean sukekiyo (laughing)? I don’t have an interesting story here, I really did my best studying as much as I could. My parents were so amazingly kind/supportive so I wanted to make them happy. I still feel like this. I didn’t want to give them any shock (laughing). At that time I remember I often felt they would be happy if I got good test scores. And I simply hate losing. I’m not someone for whom studying comes naturally, so I remember studying extra hard before the tests. In the past we also got ranked (depending on the test scores) so it was another motivation not to lose. But well, I ended up losing (laughing).

-- So you properly continued to high school?

(kyotaku: in Japan compulsory education ends with junior high school at the age of 16; high school is mostly for the sake of going to university.)

utA: If possible I wanted to go to the a good high school, but my teacher told me ‘it might be a close call so it’s better to go there’ (laughing). I went to the school they recommended. It wasn’t a normal high school, it was a technical school.

-- You get specific qualifications. So the course of your future was decided then?

utA: I loved music and guitar, but I didn’t see it as my dream future then. That’s why I was planning on going to university. If not I would be starting work, so I wanted to go to university. At the technical school you learn things like civil engineering or construction. So I applied for the referral to the university that had classes like that, but I was rejected. And I came to hate studying for entrance exams so I gave up on university (laughing).

-- Didn’t Takumi go to the university to study designing?

utA: He did. In this we are a bit similar. Our personalities are totally different, but we definitely share some things like our roots and some points. Takumi managed to go to university though, as I failed to get referred I had to look for another way (laughing).

-- And finally we are talking about starting a band?

utA: No, I started to work full time. At a surveying office in Niigata. I worked there for about 2 years. I hated studying for the entrance exams, but I got the national qualification for surveying. I remember I was thinking that if I have to do it then I have to get it and I was studying like crazy (laughing).

-- When you start working full time I think you shift to a totally different mode from being a student.

utA: Yeah, it was like that. But even as I was doing my best at work, after coming back home from work I was just listening to music all the time. And I spent all the money I earned going to music stores and buying up all the CDs. I had meant to enter a different mode but in the end it wasn’t possible. Most of the bands and musicians who were releasing music at the time were the same age as me, or just a bit older.

-- Did you start to feel a bit envious, feeling more that you could do that as well?

utA: Yeah. I started to write my original songs a bit from the end of HS. I was thinking that if I could make music that was my own style I could make it in music. That feeling has not changed until now.

-- If you were to describe your first original song, what was it like?

utA: Simply saying, it was very influenced by LUNA SEA (laughing). It wasn't a metal song, but it had clean and distorted sounds layered. I created 2~3 songs before I turned 20.

-- Did you do anything wanting to release those songs?

utA: So. I'd made a firm decision to quit my job at surveying office. When quitting I said honestly 'I want to pursue music, so please let me go' (laughing). And then my boss and coworkers cheerfully told me 'then do it!' I even had a farewell party with 'let us know when you release something' (laughing).

-- But for parents, there's no way they reacted like that. Like, 'my son who tried so hard, started working and even got a licence, now wants to quit to do music', there's no way a parent would be happy about that (laughing).

utA: You're right. My parents had a lot to say. It was probably the biggest nagging of my life, seriously. It was worse than puberty (laughing).

-- But you didn't change your mind?

utA: No, the need to pursue music was stronger than that. I quit my company when I was around 20, started to look for band members when I was around 21, when I actually managed to start a band I was around 22~23.

-- Did you try contacting your band mates from elementary and jhs times to network?

utA: I stayed in touch with my classmates, but they totally quit music. There was no way for a deep talk there. That's why I had to do it by myself, in a way starting from zero. First I started to look for band members through the music instrument shops. I've made posters about looking, wrote my contact information, the type of posters where you tear off the bottom bit. The shop staff let me post them in their shops.

-- A simple method. If I remember right, people used to post some self-introduction and a description what kind of band they'd like to do.

utA: I will again add another band name, but I listed X, LUNA SEA and La'cryma Christi. I was also hit hard by La'cryma Christi's worldview. Even as I heard about them quite late, I think after I graduated high school. X, LUNA SEA and La'cryma Christi had the biggest impact on me. My 3 pillars. I absolutely adore La'cryma Christi's "Henseifu". The moment you hear the song doesn't it feel like various scenes just come up?

-- Those scenes are stateless.

utA: Exactly, they are stateless, and full of sadness. When I first heard the 7/8 time signature, I was surprised like 'I'll be damned, what was that?' I was totally owned by that worldview. At that time, La'cryma Christi was my number one. For a while now I've been friends with HIRO, was able to play together with them once and even had a photo shoot together.

-- But currently TAKA is working in a jewellery industry, no? By the way, when you posted your 'looking for band members' ad, how many replies did you get?

utA: There were few, but one came from someone with whom we formed a band at the time. In 2013 my own band had disbanded, but I was most surprised when contacted by the guy who then spent all this time with this band. He asked 'please let me join', but I also asked him formally to join. I'm talking about the bassist, hati.

-- This band we're talking about is the visual kei of Niigata that has changed several times?

utA: Yeah. First it was Laypua, after that Layarch, then Rayarch. It was changing keeping the 'Lay/Ray' connection. The live performance activities were focused on Niigata city.

-- From looking for the band members to the formation of the band it took about one year, during that time were you writing original music ?

utA: I don't think we had more than 10 songs,  but we had enough for one album. The band that done those songs took about one year to finally start activities. At the time, there was a music club (live house) near Niigata station called Z-1. I think now it's called CLUB RIVERST., my first live performing experience was at that club.

-- So it was the first show as a band that is the first step in following your dream. What was the response like?

utA: I think it was really terrible (laughing). At the time it was when we just decided our form/style, so we just went with 'let's hope this is cool enough' (laughing). I was looking for guitar phrases that would be very me, but I couldn't play them at all. We were trying really hard only with things to show, we also had heavy make up. For the so called artist photos, our vocalist was very skilled with creating great photos, so there was a lot of 'let's do make up more like this' etc, so at the meetings of band members the topic of the vusuals came overwhelmingly more often than music (laughing).

-- Your songs were similar style to La'cryma Christi?

utA: Nope, I loved La'cryma Christi, but our music was more like 'The Visual Kei' style. For our worldview, it felt like there's still more to come. It was quite heavy rock, could be said it was Tsutatsuta-kei (laughing). I was playing in this band in Niigata until I went to Tokyo, for about 4, 5 years.

(*Tsutatsuta-kei was a v-kei subgenre that developed in the early 2000s, as you can imagine from utA's comment it's heavy and fast; and like Nu Metal that influenced the subgenre there's a lot of shouting, and unconventional structures and variety of different styles)

-- If you continued for that long it means you had to have some fans?

utA: In Niigata we did, yeah. I felt 'I can do it' as it wasn't a band with no fans, so from the band's later time I started thinking about going to Tokyo. In Niigata what we could do was limited. So I told the band 'let's go to Tokyo, but most of members wanted to stay in Niigata. Each of them had their own life there.

-- Did other band members have proper jobs?

utA: Nah, everyone was working part-time. All of us prioritized the band. That's why I suggested we should go to Tokyo, but only me and hati, the bassist, were interested. And we left our home Niigata with guitar and bass for Tokyo having only about 40~50k yen between the two of us.

(*400~500 US dollars, 300~400 euro)

PART 2 HERE

[twoidiotwriters1]

Halloween with the Marauders

A/N: Sorry I'm late ... and it's not Halloween anymore, but I hope you like it. -Val

Request:by  @stardusthigh​ Marauders hold a Halloween party 🥳 but something (doesn't have to be murder, can also be something light and funny) happens and they're all seen as suspects!! (People included the marauders, lily, marlene mckinnon, Dorcas meadowes, Alice fortescue & Frank longbottom). Would love it if it was a comedy, but I love angst too!

Words: 1,315

Only the marauders are able to find the Room of Requirement and use it as the best location for Hogwarts' biggest Halloween party. They planned everything since August and today it’s finally ready. All students are invited. Just for one night, the four boys forgot the feuds between houses.

Pumpkins, skulls, lights, decorations, music, treats, punch, name whatever you want to take for the perfect party and you'll find it here. Little by little, the room fills with students, the music begins.

"Miss Evans. You shouldn't be at this party alone,” James growls, raising his lantern without light. "I'd better take you to someone you trust, maybe that Potter boy. He’s perfect for you, isn't he, Mrs. Norris?" He asks the stuffed cat on his arm.

"This could not be more creepy,” she says when she sees the boy's costume.

"Lily, it's me!” says James, straightening up with a smile and Lily rolls her eyes. "A great costume, right?"

"I would’ve preferred to see you like Gilbert Blythe,” She answers with a pout and now James rolls his eyes.

“I won’t argue about that book character again. He's not that perfect,” The boy complains.

"Yes he is! At least he would be willing to wear a costume with me!” says the redhead fixing one of her braids.

"And who are you supposed to be?" James asks.

"I am Anne! The protagonist of the book, Gilbert's girlfriend?” She says offended.

“Oh, yeah. The one that doesn't stop talking– Hey! You are a lot like her!” He jokes and Lily slaps his shoulder.

"Miss Evans, fifteen points from Gryffindor for being so aggressive towards Mr. Filch!” says another high-pitched voice.

They both turn to see Sirius in a robe and a green pointy hat.

"I do not accept this behavior from you!” He says raising both eyebrows.

James lets out a laugh and Lily shakes her head.

"Don't tell me you all dressed up as teachers…”

"Well, you'll be disappointed, Miss Shirley,” adds another deep voice coming from her side. Remus adjusts his half-moon glasses and strokes his white beard. "Mr. Filch, Professor McGonagall, it's a beautiful evening to be together."

"Oh, Albus. I totally agree with you,” Sirius replies.

“Where's Peter?" Lily asks.

"The apple contest has started," Sirius says, going back to normal. “He wants to break his record. Although I don’t know how he will do it with that huge beard…”

“Not for nothing did he practice in Hagrid's disguise. It was pretty funny,” adds Remus.

"What a great party, guys!" says Marlene with his angel costume and a huge smile. "Sirius, I could kiss you, but your costume disturbs me a lot," She adds.

"We'll fix that later," Sirius replies with a wink.

Lily frowns.

"You're good? You sound a bit drunk…”

"No, no!” She replies laughing. "Well, maybe a little".

"James! Did you put alcohol in the punch?" The redhead gasps.

“It was just a little bit! If not, it wouldn't be a party. Everything is controlled…”

"Don't worry, Lily,” Says Remus. “It's not that strong.”

"We should drink more!" adds the blonde.

"I don't think it's a good idea…”

“Please, Evans. Have a little fun. Its Halloween!”

"Just a glass?” tries James.

Lily sighs, but finally agrees. Sirius is right, you can relax for one night. A risky decision on Halloween. The five friends drink the punch and it may have been more than one glass. By this time, they’re very happy and laughing at anything, dancing without rhythm and having fun.

"I'm going for more," Lily squeals and in the company of Marlene they return to the appetizer table, pouring more punch. "I love it, it's so sweet!”

"Yeah, it's great," Marlene answers, but then her face changes and she frowns. "Although I don't like that song very much…”

Lily looks at her confused.

"But it's from the boyband you like, you've always liked them!”

"Ugh, no. Actually, I hate them, but all the girls like them, I didn't want to be the bitter one in the group…” She confesses and then is surprised by her words.

"I didn't know that.”

"You shouldn't know."

“Marlene, calm down. You shouldn’t always appear to be a cool girl, sometimes it’s tiring,” Lily confesses.

"What?"

"I'm sorry,” Lily gapes. “I did not mean that!”

“Hey, they put something in the punch. It already tastes different to me,” says James, getting closer.

"Love that song!" Remus jumps in place, drawing the attention of the group. "I hope they play the whole album, I love that band!”

They all look at him in surprise and he realizes what he said.

"Uh, I mean, uh- me…” he stutters.

Sirius and James tease their friend.

"I can't believe you like that song, the best one from their new album!” says Sirius and then covers his mouth looking at his friends in horror.

"What's going on?" yells Marlene.

"Hey, I know you always make practical jokes, but I can't believe you have come this far!” says Dorcas, arriving at their side with makeup smeared all over her face.

"You're good?" Remus asks.

"No! I just got humilliated in front of the oldest students!” She says.

"Uh, I like your princess costume," says Lily, trying to fix things.

“Sure, San Lily always supporting others. Did you know that you don't always have to be the good one in the story?” She also covers her mouth “Lily, no! I didn't want to say that!” She turns to the marauders. "What did you put in the punch, you clowns?

"The punch!”

"Someone must have put veritaserum," says Marlene.

Everyone looks at each other in horror, each one thinking of their biggest secrets that can easily be revealed if they're not careful.

"No!" Remus says and Sirius can't help but laugh.

"Sorry, Moony. But now they know that you have all the records of the boyband.”

Remus looks at him annoyed.

"So? At least I don't sleep with a teddy bear every night."

“It's a stuffed wolf! How difficult is it to tell them apart?" He complains and the others look at him funny. “Shit."

"That's pretty embarrassing," laughs James.

"Not as much as the time McGonagall found your parchment where you wrote all over 'James Evans' 'Lily Potter' 'James and Lily forever' and the possible names of your children…”

"What!?"

James blushes and points towards Remus.

"But you can’t deny that 'Harry James Potter' is the best name for my future son!”

“James!”

"Oh come on, Lily. It's your chance to tell James everything you thought about him that day after Quidditch practice!” says Marlene amused.

"What did she say!?" screams James excitedly.

"I remember!” says Dorcas. "Something like it was hotter than fire whiskey…”

"Hotter than the sun, especially when he smiles when he wins a game,” corrects the redhead abruptly.

"Did you hear that, Padfoot!?" James says shaking his friend by the shoulders.

"They just need to end up marrying for this joke,” says Remus.

"Uh, I think we left that to Alice and Frank,” says Dorcas pointing to the couple that is a few meters away from them, who, after many months of flirting finally share an increasingly uncomfortably intense kiss.

"We have to find the antidote or at least report what's going on," says Lily.

"Uh, yeah,” says Sirius. "You guys do that, I'll go with Peter, it seems he confessed his love for the Slytherin girl and now he's taking a beating…”

"Dorcas, stop crying, they’ll miss how great you are!”

“I threw up on him, Marlene! This is the end of my life!"

“–It's not that I have all the records, I only like one or two songs!” Remus argues to no one in particular.

"So you think I'm hot, Lils?"

"Leave me alone, James!”

Did you think Veritaserum was needed at the perfect party? The Marauders didn’t, but now they have it too.

[isolctions]

...........so let’s finally talk abt what the actual fucking fuck is wrong with ai’rina rue castillo, huh gang? :-)

(everyone go thank @armsdealing & @durcgs beating the anxiety out of me in order to post this info-dump.)

...before we get into things, now’s the part where i establish a warning for triggers to be discussed in this lengthy headcanon post. there’s gonna be some talks of mental illness, slight alcohol abuse, & breaking down topics of familial abuse, mental abuse, religious abuse, emotional manipulation, and elements of non-con. be warned.

a’ight, so look. i’ve hinted in between threads & development that rue had a not-so-fantastic upbringing that impacted how she perceives herself, how she interacts with others, (in terms of her career, at least) and how she views personal relationships, but i didn’t realize how........severely her upbringing messed with her mental health until i started working through how i wanted to plot out rue’s behavior for her next album release. at first, i had the idea that she decided to take more time for herself & sort of distance herself from the public / media circus plaguing her life so that she can create much more authentic music. then i actually listened to the EP that i’m basing her album off of and thought “...oh.” THEN, i looked over old meme responses & old threads / mentions of her family and how she grew up and thought, not for the last time since piecing everything together: “....oh. oh fucking boy.”

so, that horrible realization dawning on me, let’s talk about rue’s childhood.

i wrote a thing like, two years ago almost (that upon looking for last night, i realized i didn’t actually share it w/ anyone but alex in our discord server & only mentioned a portion of it in rue’s moodboard that i made) that talked vaguely about how rue felt growing up. and it’s worth noting that...she’s the middle of ten fucking siblings. and that’s just the brothers & sisters she knew of that stayed with their mother. and on top of that, not all of those siblings are the product of rue’s father, or even rue’s mother for that matter. and it’s also worth noting that rue not only grew up in poverty, but she grew up never having any actual space that had solely been her own, or even an article of clothing that had belonged entirely to her. so naturally, as a young child, rue sort of became torn between starved for attention & wanting someone to pay attention to her (whether that be her older siblings including her in something, whatever teacher they had for the next six months to call on her for something, for her mother to miraculously show up with her unknown father in tow one day, & for literally anyone to be her friend, pls god Notice her!!!) and for people to simply leave her the hell alone. obviously, this carried into adulthood.

and branching off from the whole “lack of space” point i made, rue wound up growing up to become increasingly more private as time went on because she literally cannot remember a single moment where she wasn’t squished between a bunch of people. driving around in their minivan? rue’s packed in the middle of the second row. nowhere to sleep while on the road? rue’s smacked between gigantic older brothers & clingy little siblings. need to use to bathroom? lmao, she better off going outside!!! gotta change clothes? yeah, good luck with that. it was to the point where, when rue got her first period, she was humiliated by it — not because ‘omg, am i a woman now?? wtf is this???’, but because she ruined the one good sheet that she slept on with her sisters & they were super pissed at her and her mother withheld pay from her for weeks. >:/

already, rue grew up never having shit to herself until the record deal. but she also dealt with literally...so much abuse from her mother. rue thought this was the norm growing up, because all of her siblings faced their mother’s wrath at some point & all of them eventually learned to just deal with the shit and do what she says if they wanted to avoid it. they all compartmentalized and repressed to varying degrees. there’s a lot in which rue has repressed so deeply, she doesn’t even remember if it seriously happened or if she was just making it up bc it was so fucking bizarre for a parent to act that way towards their child, lol?? (and this behavior of “i’m just going to do what you say bc i don’t want to deal with whatever bullshit you’re up to if i say no” also carried into business / personal relationships, which is...very Yikes it’s amazing she didn’t get scammed or worse!) 

so sure, people have complimented her for her exceptional manners & her cleanliness & how quiet / polite she is & how amazing her posture is, bc seriously, this girl will never experience back problems in her life bc her posture is so on par. but where rue typically smiles / responds bashfully, she can’t exactly just up and say: “oh, yeah, my mom used to slap the shit out of me ‘til i bruised if i spoke out of turn or talked back, and if i reached for anything in the store or put my elbows on the table she’d slap a ruler against my palms ‘til i got welts, and she’d make me read verses all night without sleep if i did anything wrong and make me straighten up and kneel on rice if i slouched or took a nap in church and humiliated me in public if i so much as looked at someone of the opposite sex on the street n oh, did i mention i also cleaned houses for rich millionaire snobs from ages twelve to sixteen and if they said or did literally anything to me i wasn’t allowed to defend myself?? ya i’m real proper :)”

(and normal ppl will go: “...................what the FUCK is WRONG with you????”)

but oh man, babe, we’re not done yet!!! rue, being the product of both a highly religious and a highly exploitative household...had difficulty when she started reaching puberty & noticing her classmates. plural, because it wasn’t just boys that she began to secretly have crushes on / fantasize abt, sexually or domestically. she also realized, oh shit, that she started looking at girls differently too. and that literally put the fear of god into her heart, bc if her mother ever found out that she was having non-platonic feelings for the girls in her classrooms, she wasn’t going to be pissed. her mom might have actually tried to kill her. or have her exorcised or something. she knew the shit would be severe, and she wanted no fucking parts of her mother or her siblings inserting the church into her personal life, thank u very much! so rue started suppressing her romantic feelings for people to the point where if adult rue receives intimacy, she’s like “...is this allowed? is this not illegal??????” while simultaneously being like “i will be a slut. just this once. as a Treat to teenage me. :>” regardless, rue learned to molotov cocktail literally any emotion or thought she had, bc she was paranoid that it would give her mother a vision.

now, onto the perils of exploitation...she should’ve been used to it really, what with her mother forcing herself & siblings to lure customers into their shop with promises of visions and palm readings and the wonders of the cards and overexerting their abilities. same with housekeeping, like being of service to people was normal! but when seventeen year old rue decided to sign a record deal and break from home, she wasn’t thinking critically about what the fuck all of this would entail. and as described in this headcanon post abt her discography, her early music was the product of allowing people much older & powerful than you to influence your work & manipulate your values. so rue was very much parading around as someone she wasn’t, someone much more confident and badass and self-assured than she really was, and she was so impressionable back then that it literally makes her sick to think back on it now. she calls it her puppy phase and phrases the eagerness to please execs as ‘tongue wagging’. homegirl hardly even knew her name anymore, bc all she was and all she would ever be was rue, the star, the vocal temptress. not ai’rina, the help or ai’rina, the seer, ai’rina, the weak little nobody. but later on, the subtle manipulation was less about decision making & how they wanted her to sound, and more about how they wanted to present the latest trophy star — because after all, she was pretty. people liked her. she sung really well. suitors weren’t too far off into the distant future. so why not kill two birds with one stone by having a high ranking label artist keep tabloids talking by being seen in public with a few heart throbs? surely, there’s no harm in manipulating an eighteen/nineteen year old’s love life! under the guise of improving her social skills & relations with fellow artists and the media and the like, rue gave into the pressures and let herself be taken out on dates & seen at awards shows with a few guys. no big deal. it was only for a night or so, she could handle the attention. then, one night appearances turned into week long appearances. pretending to date for only a month! completely innocent, positive exposure. :)

(adult rue, looking back @ younger rue: you stupid fucking BITCH-)

yeah, so once her label/management realized that she was turning into a hot commodity, they lost no sleep at allowing their nineteen year old artist to be seen ‘dating’ 20-24+ year old men occasionally. and whatever happened after their public appearances were none of their business. plus, she was good at pretending and being arm candy — so rue experienced her first kiss, her first dates, and her first times with people who she’s almost certain hardly remember their time with her, and really only got involved with her for a mutual career boost. very few of them does she actually remember in a positive light, and the ones that were positive, still depress her bc lmao all of it was fake, even if they were really nice & made it less like a chore and more like they actually wanted to be with her!! even fewer of them were actual relationships. meaning, said person asked her out of their own volition, not bc their managers thought it’d be a decent match on camera. it was evil, really, what her old label made of her. (like, she makes funny jokes that her first time having sex was awkward bc she had a vision halfway through that bummed her out but in reality it was just...really more of a transaction that made her feel icky n progressively worse abt herself until it happened more often and now she just doesn’t care anymore. sex is just sex, u know?? everything’s fake. why you gotta make it personal.) this whole fiasco took over the larger part of rue’s career from like, age nineteen to age twenty-two or so, and she suffered dramatically from this because what is even a genuine, authentic relationship at this point? what do u mean you want to get to know me? did ur manager tell you to ask so many damn questions & try to get to know me? obviously you want something from me bc that’s why everyone gets into a relationship or has sex with me, stop confessing feelings for me u fucking loser. >:/

like...rue doesn’t even have friends. outside of her relationship with marcelo / @armsdealing​ (which, AGAIN, i think was initially arranged to promote her song be honest, how fucking IRONIC), rue does not have any personal relationships with anyone. i mean, she likes her latest management team since switching labels...her hair stylist is rly cool & her make up artist is fun to vacation with...she met a few other celebrities at events that she occasionally texts & has dinner with...yeah, she’s basically a pretty hermit. her family is more or less out of the question — the few brothers & sisters she does still have a positive relationship with (like, four of them lol), they don’t see each other in person often / mainly communicate via groupchat and facetime calls when all of them have time. she tried visiting with her mother over the years, but the verbal & emotional abuse/curses placed on her/accusations of being an imp of satan for singing to the public/memories of being forced to perform psychic shows & clean for chump change keeps her from trying to mend that relationship. like, being gaslit by ur mother isn’t really the vibe, u know? and bottom line, rue simply is a very shy and socially stunted individual who does not know how to communicate like a normal human being anymore. hell, her life revolves around pretending for strangers at this point!

now, onto how...all of That ties into her behavior / state of mind during this next album. so, after riding the wave of success from her third album & the circus that came with that. rue sort of had a fucking existential crisis. came out of absolutely nowhere. (not nowhere — one of her brothers called her out of the blue and called her ai’rina and she literally went “who the fuck is that?”) told her label that she was taking some time in between albums bc she was creatively zapped or whatever bullshit excuse she came up with that somehow worked bc this new label was a little more understanding than the last. vacationed for a little, did some hot girl shit, bought a house, tried to see her mother again for whatever reason then got the shit slapped out of her and finally screamed at her to never touch her again unless she wanted to Throw Hands. cried and got drunk abt it. that took six months. bullshat to her label again, dropped like two songs to smooth things over, decided to focus on magic for a little to ground her, started partying with label mates then going home shitfaced & hungover every other morning. that took eight months. dropped one last song, promptly deleted her twitter, tried to write songs again, got a call from her mother and panicked and got drunk. that took a year. vacationed some more, got even drunker, was bed ridden for like three months because holy shit i’m having so many visions and if i see One More Thing my brain is going to explode, couldn’t separate the present from the future for weeks after that, told absolutely no one about that, cried every day & had an identity crisis, dyed her hair to appease the identity crisis goblins. that took a year and a half.

now, she just chilling. dyed her hair again. scaring her siblings halfway to death bc she keeps going on benders & sending cryptic texts abt the visions she’s getting but they’re so incomprehensible that they’re seriously considering moving in to get her fucking shit together. had a vision that she was married with kids and had a two week identity crisis appeased only by moving houses. (she was in a neighborhood with families...too much Drama and visions. turned into a really cool song tho.) started calling herself by her birth name of ai’rina in private. reactivated twitter to send cryptic tweets that her album is coming. working on said album. trying to drink less but kinda failing bc how is one simply supposed to make a highly personal dual album without alcohol??? prbly somewhere crying in marcelo’s lap or smthn. just vibes.

like...i feel like, in my head, the Theme of her project is wrapped up in identity. her relationship with fame and whatnot. trying to coax her childhood self out of its’ shell so that she can function like a normal goddamn person for once and re-establish her values. like, if someone went to any of rue’s residences right now, it’s just songbooks everywhere and wine glasses and her crystals and shit, bc she still has people’s futures to read for money. (yes, she never really got out of that portion of her childhood, but hey it pays.) it was all very confusing to experience at once while in bed at four in the morning & even though i tried organizing and debated on this, it’s still a Lot. which is why i am once again asking for plots that would allow her to dissect all these Things

so yeah. album four otw, with a side of confronting our childhood & facing our traumas!

[scotianostra]

Happy 91st birthday singing legend Jimmie Macgregor.

Jimmie Macgregor was born in Springburn, Glasgow, and grew up in a tenement and then a council house, about which he has said: "Our house was a focus for people to gather and make music.... I had aunties and cousins who were chorus girls." After doing his national service, he studied at Glasgow School of Art, graduating in the mid-1950s and becoming a potter and teacher.

It's hard to separate Jimmie from his musical partner Robin Hall, who wiki say met in 1960, but a wee bit digging I found out they actually met in 1959 in Vienna at a youth music festival. Although they didn't know each other back then, they were sent on stage together, their voices blended well enough to attract praise from the legendary American singer and political activist Paul Robeson, who was appearing on the same concert.

Only too aware of the significance of Robeson’s patronage, MacGregor suggested that they should continue as a duo and pooling their resources and experience – MacGregor had sung with the Chas McDevitt Skiffle Group, the Steve Benbow Folk Four and The City Ramblers; Hall had already recorded a series of EPs and shared MacGregor’s passion for blues, skiffle, jazz and folk music – they launched themselves on the London folk scene.

Their big break came when their agent phoned BBC TV’s Tonight show and suggested that what this popular tea-time current affairs programme needed for Burns Night was a song by Scotland’s national bard – and he could provide two Scottish singers who were tailor-made for the job. It was a lie. Neither Hall nor MacGregor, despite their wide repertoires, knew a single Burns song. So they rehearsed Rantin’ Rovin’ Robin in the taxi on the way to the studio and on the strength of their performance on the programme that night they were given a week’s trial that led to a ten-year residency. they went from singing to around 50 in the cellar bar folk singing circles in London to an audience of millions overnight.

  The release of the Decca single "Football Crazy" in 1960 received a great deal of airplay and became one of their most popular songs, which they In the early sixties Robin and Jimmie regularly (though not exclusively) performed as part of the Galliards, a quartet made up of Hall, MacGregor, Shirley Bland and Leon Rosselson. Jimmie and Shirley married in the mid 50's and subsequently were both members of the City Ramblers. Leon Rosselson was responsible for all of the of the group's arrangements. Leon went on to become one the UK's best songwriters and solo performers.

  From 1961 to 1964, Robin and Jimmie performed (with and without The Galliards), appearing regularly on radio, and are particularly remembered for the series Hullabaloo. They went on to tour the world, record more than 20 albums, and appear on countless television programs. Other series' that brought them great acclaim and recognition were The White Heather Club, which they hosted for five years, and Out and About with Robin and Jimmie. With superb harmonies, Hall and MacGregor's large repertoire of songs, many of which they introduced during this period, have gone on to become folk standards; and yet their contribution to the folk scene has gone seemingly unnoticed in many circles.

In 1981 the duo called it quits, primarily Robins decision; he had never enjoyed good health, and didn't really like performing.

Macgregor went on to make television programmes, many on long-distance walking. These included The West Highland Way, In the footsteps of Bonnie Prince Charlie and Macgregor's Gathering, a long-running show for Radio Scotland. He has been involved in various conservation organisations, among them the Association for the Protection of Rural Scotland.

From what I can gather Jimmie is enjoying his retirement, there has not been many stories about him in the news lately, they all date a few years back. His Facebook page has not been up since December 2016, he did however appear on the Radio Scotland podcast, Scotland Outdoors, where he chatted with host Mark Stephen. You can listen to him here, his voice has not changed, he sounds very strong and not your run of the mill guy in his 90's https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/p08vk46t

[call-me-rei]

Chapter 4: Be My Guest

I’ve been thinking about Kellin a lot since I left that voicemail. How we met and how we drifted apart specifically. Memories of him and I together invaded my thoughts at random moments. Sometimes I’d reflect fondly at them, but days like today I resented how vivid they were.

I hated that those memories appeared at random times. It was like reliving grief, when the thoughts of better times flooded your mind when you least expected. You thought you were getting better, but all of a sudden the sadness takes over and you have no choice but to remember all the good times and miss the person they were with.

It hurt.

Today was a day I wished I’d never messaged him to work together. I wished I didn’t see those mentions and that my bandmates didn’t insist that we write a song with him. Then I wouldn’t have had to call him and ask if he’d want to sing that stupid song with us all summer on tour.

But I also couldn’t deny that I was glad I’d met him. I was glad we had a hit song and that it brought us to knowing each other and becoming friends. I was happy to be able to share so many moments with him. I could honestly say that knowing him was a highlight to my life.

That didn’t mean I wasn’t nervous about seeing him again though.

Kellin and I hadn’t hung out or had a proper conversation in years. Now we may be performing together for two and a half months. That meant rehearsals together, sound checks, coordinating our schedules, and interviews since the media loved putting the two of us in awkward situations with each other. But hey, fans loved it so what was the harm, right?

Whatever, that didn’t matter. I needed to focus on one thing at a time.

So that’s what I did. I focused on the present. I put the last few days and memories of the last few years behind me and looked down at the page in front of me. I tried to focus on the draft setlist I was making for Warped Tour that I’d show the guys and have them edit. We were only given thirty-five minutes on stage and I wanted each of them to count. But in order to get that perfect set we had to deliberate over our own music. It was hard, but there were a couple of songs I was certain we needed on the set.

The first song on the list was “Dive In” from our fourth album. I always liked to say that it was a great introduction to the band, especially for those who’d never listened to us before. It had a bit of every sound we’d used in previous albums and really showcased who we were. I loved using it to open our sets.

The next songs came from all of our albums, but we’d have to discuss which ones we wanted to keep and the ones we’d need to switch out for something better.

The last song on the list was “King For A Day”. When my band would tour with Sleeping With Sirens, we’d end each show with that song. Soon that became our closer whether Kellin would be on stage with us or not. I didn’t want to break tradition, so I put the song there. If Kellin decided he didn’t want to sing with us this tour then we’d still play it. It was a fan-favorite, and it wasn’t like us to let fans down.

Speaking of which, I wondered…

I checked my phone for the third time in that half hour to see the same screen void of notifications. I saw that coming but it hurt nonetheless.

With a sigh I put my phone down and put my head in my hands, frustrated that I was only able to get about ten minutes of peace before my mind went back to him. Why was I thinking about him so much? How did one phone call trigger all of these thoughts? My mom used to tell me that you thought about a person more when they were going to be in your life. For instance, you’d think about having a baby if you were pregnant and didn’t know it. She told me that’s how she knew I was coming into the world, so I took her word for it.

Did that mean that Kellin was coming back into my life? Was he going to agree to my proposal? If he was, he hadn’t said anything. Not a call back, not a text, nothing. Maybe I was stressing out because tour was coming quickly and I knew he’d be there. That had to be it.

I wasn’t sure how civil we’d be with one another. Would things be awkward since we hadn’t properly talked in so long? Maybe, that was a very real possibility. I knew that Kellin would ramble if he felt nervous, or he’d shut down completely. I didn’t want either of those things to happen when he was with me. He was always so comfortable around me. Sure, when we first met in person he was standoffish, but he warmed up quickly and it was like we were old pals.

Kind of like our many talks on FaceTime.

I missed those talks and the texts we’d send when we hung up. I missed him. I missed how close we used to be and how comfortable we once were around each other. We used to talk for hours on end and now I couldn’t get a second reply back from a text.

Or a voicemail.

He hadn’t called me back after I left that message days ago, not that I expected him to. I knew it was a long shot since that was the theme of our relationship nowadays, but I at least thought I deserved some common courtesy. You know, call the person back when they call you, or listen to the message and follow up. Instead I got nothing.

I should’ve been angry. I should’ve taken it as a sign that he didn’t want to work with me again. But I couldn’t. I wanted to think the best of him, so my mind told me to ignore all the red flags and hope that maybe he got too busy to reply.

For four days.

I sighed as I wiped my hand down my face. This was stupid. I was being stupid. Why was I so hung up on someone who clearly didn’t want anything to do with me? He’d shown me that time and time again, so why couldn’t I just accept it?

Part of me thought it was because I wanted to know what could have been. If we’d had met in person when fans asked us to do a song together on Twitter rather than writing to each through email and talking on video. If we’d spent time recording in the same studio and having those late nights after hours. If we’d spent more time together on tours and learned more about each other.

If I’d kept my promise to myself and not let him slip away.

Maybe I was delusional. Maybe I was stupid. Maybe I was playing too much into it since it was obvious that he wasn’t aware of my feelings for him. He never noticed how flustered I would get when he so much as said my name.

Maybe I should stop focusing on the past and worry about the here and now. Digging up old memories never helped anyone.

As if the universe was reading my mind, my phone lit up. I picked it up seeing a text from my brother saying he and the guys were at the door. I took a deep breath to compose myself, grabbed the draft page from the desk, and walked to the front to let them in.

“Alright, I’m ready! Let’s do this!” I chuckled at Jaime as I closed the door behind him.

We loved picking the setlist for our shows. For one, it was a chance for us to get together and relive the memories behind our songs. For two, we kind of treated the process like a small hangout. Sometimes we ordered food or had a few drinks while we did it. We found it made it easier for us to cut songs off the list if we weren’t thinking about it too hard.

I walked into the living room in time to see Mike walk in with four beers in hand; Tony and Jaime were already seated. I grabbed one before taking a seat at the end of the couch next to Jaime.

“You guys ready?” I asked. Without a word they lifted their bottles along with me and took a sip.

“Okay boys, let’s get to it.”

***

We’d worked for about an hour before we decided to take a break. Well, an official break. Most of the hour was spent with us cracking jokes at each other’s suggestions then going off on tangents. The beer really helped with that part.

The problem with picking a setlist was figuring out which songs fit the tour, which songs needed to be practiced more, and having to talk with the production team to see what effects could be pulled off in the venue. Currently we were stuck on the second problem. We had ten songs so far, but we needed to cut one seeing as having all ten wouldn’t allow for much time for Tony or me to change guitars if we needed to.

“Maybe we should cut ‘Phantom’.” I gawked at Tony’s suggestion.

“Are you kidding? ‘Phantom’ is gonna kill! If anything, we should cut ‘Besitos’.”

His eyes went wide. “Don’t you dare!” Tony loved “Besitos” since it gave him a chance to play crazy riffs on his guitar. He hated when we started cutting it from our sets once our more recent albums came out.

Mike’s booming laughter sounded after Tony’s exclamation. “Tone, it’s such an old song. I think we can do without it.”

Tony pouted and crossed his arms as he sank into the couch. “Whatever,” he mumbled. “Hime, you’re on my side on this, right? Hime?”

The three of us looked to Jaime when he didn’t respond, seeing that he was engrossed with something on his phone.

I scowled. “Hey Hime, you wanna put your phone down and help us out?”

“Yeah, sorry.” He quickly typed and sent his message then locked his phone after we heard the swoosh tone. He was almost able to set it down on the table in front of him when it dinged again.

I huffed, “Jaime.”

“Sorry, sorry.” His repeated his previous actions – typing on the screen and going to place it on the table – but was able to set his phone down this time. I nodded to him in thanks and went back to work.

“So like we were saying, Hime, ‘Besitos,’ yes or n- “

I didn’t get the chance to finish my sentence due to the ding from Jaime’s phone cutting me off. He reached for it, but I beat him to it, grabbing it off the table.

“Hey!”

“Relax, I’m just gonna tell Jess that you’re busy.” Jess was Jaime’s wife and she usually respected that we were working. If Jaime told her he was going to be with us she wouldn’t call or text unless Jaime did first. Besides, she’s a teacher so there wasn’t much time for her to do so anyway. It was weird that she’d keep texting so often, but then again he had been texting her back. It was easy to assume that we weren’t busy when he was doing that.

I had every intention of telling Jess that her husband was unavailable at that moment, but when I looked down at the screen as his phone dinged the air left my body.

“Uh, Hime?” He hummed. “Why is Kellin texting you?”

“Oh, uh…”

I looked at him with an unamused expression. When he didn’t continue, I looked to the other two people in the room. Tony looked nervous and avoided eye contact while Mike looked nonchalant about it all. Were they afraid of this conversation? Did they know Jaime was talking to Kellin?

I looked back to Jaime who had yet to respond. “I’m listening,” I urged.

“Relax,” he put his hands up as he spoke, “he’s just asking me some questions.”

“Questions?”

“Yeah, that’s it. I’m just providing information.”

“Information?” He nodded. “About what?”

“Well he asked about Warped and doing ‘King For A Day’ and-“

“Wait, he’s asking you?” That alone insulted me. I could get over Jaime talking to Kellin because it didn’t matter much. They were friends and friends talk, no big deal. What bothered me was the fact that I was the one who called and asked him if he wanted to do the damn song with us, and I was the one he never responded to. Why was he talking to Jaime about it when I reached out in the first place?

“Yeah man. It’s no big deal.”

I scowled. Maybe it wasn’t a big deal to him, but it was to me. It was as if Kellin was adding insult to injury by first ignoring me then going behind my back with my best friend. He couldn’t be bothered to respond to my voicemail, but he and Jaime had been texting for who knows how long about who knows what.

I took a deep breath to calm the thoughts in my head. I didn’t need to be angry at Jaime, at least that’s what I tried to tell myself in the back of my mind. The loudest thoughts in my head were telling me to be pissed about the situation. He had hidden it from me and he probably wouldn’t have told me if I had not picked up his phone. It was hard to ignore that reasoning.

“So he’s been texting you this whole time?” Jaime nodded. “About performing with us?”

“Among other things,” he responded with hesitation. That caught the undivided attention of all three of us.

I quirked an eyebrow. “Other things? What other things?” He rubbed the back of his neck, a nervous habit that he had. “Hime?”

“Just…more questions?”

“Really? You sound unsure.”

“Because you’re freaking me out, bro! Take a breath. Relax your shoulders.”

I pursed my lips as I stared at him with furrowed eyebrows. He looked genuinely worried which made me take a metaphorical step back. I was scaring my friend, something I never wanted to do. I wasn’t a violent person, but he apparently thought I would lash out. Reminding myself once again that there was no real reason to be upset with Jaime, I took a deep breath and let go of the tension in my body.

“Okay,” I started again, calmer now, “what else has Kellin asked you about?”

Jaime sighed. “He was asking about you,” he said softly.

“Me or the band?”

“You.”

“Why’d he ask about Vic?” Tony spoke up. His face held the confusion that I was feeling.

Jaime shrugged. “That’s a question for Kellin, but he does wanna talk to you.”

I tossed Jaime’s phone next to me on the couch before I leaned back in annoyance. He wanted to talk to me but wouldn’t talk to me? He had to go through a third party? Either his anxiety concerning me was high or he was fucking with me. I didn’t appreciate it if it was the latter.

What the hell did he want to talk to me about, and why couldn’t he just do it? It’s not like I wasn’t available for him to reach out to me, he just never did. Suddenly the memoires of us that I was trying to forget were replaced with frustration toward him. I no longer cared to know how he was doing, or if he wanted to hang out with me, or if he thought about me as much as I had been thinking about him. No, now I wanted to scream in his face.

“Well tell him-” I was cut off by the sound of my doorbell echoing through the room. We all looked at each other, almost daring one of us to stand and leave the awkward situation. No one made a move.

The bell rang twice more after an extended period of silence, followed by some knocks. “Well, if you guys aren’t gonna get it.” Jaime got up with an exasperated sigh and walked to the front of the house. It was as if that action took us out of our trance because we all followed him once he’d left the living room.

We reached him right as he opened the door, and for the second time that afternoon the air left my body.

“What’s up, dude?”

He was here. Kellin Quinn was at my door. Why the hell was Kellin at my door?

He and Jaime hugged before he turned to me and the other guys. He looked to us with a relaxed smile completely ignoring our surprised expressions. “Hey guys.”

“Hey Kellin,” Mike said slowly. “What…what are you doing here?”

“Oh, well Jaime told me you guys were going to be rehearsing today and he invited me over. I thought he told you.” Suddenly four pairs of eyes were looking at our bassist with varying levels of confusion.

He put his hands up. “I was about to tell you before,” he waved his hand around vaguely, “all that happened.”

“Anyway…,” Kellin got the attention of the room again, “do you mind if I tag along?”

The guys looked to me, obviously trying to gauge how I was feeling about the current situation. I would’ve said no, would’ve cussed him out like I wanted to just a minute ago, but seeing him on my porch with his shy smile and big green, hopeful eyes made me take back every rude thing I had thought earlier.

I sighed to myself for being such a sucker for him. “Yeah, sure,” I answered, keeping eye contact with him. “We were actually about to head over to our rehearsal space if you wanna follow us.”

He pushed his hair out of his face. “Cool. And, uh, do you mind if I leave my bags here?”

What? “Bags?”

“Yeah.” Kellin gestured outside making the four of us look out there with him. A car was sitting in front of my house with a bored-looking driver behind the wheel. “I need to get my bags from my Uber. Is it cool if I leave them here?”

“Sure? But why not leave them in a hotel?”

His face suddenly went from apprehensive to angry. “Because the stupid hotel double booked my room. I went there to check in, but the other guy was there before me. When I asked them to get me another room they said no because of a convention in town. All of the fucking rooms are booked. So now I have nowhere to go. And I don’t wanna find another hotel when that one hasn’t given me my money back yet. Besides I think all of the surrounding ones are booked anyway.”

“Damn man, that sucks.”

Kellin shrugged at Tony. “Yeah, I don’t know what I’m gonna do. I may text Nick and ask if I can stay with him until we head to L.A. next week.”

It might’ve been that I was feeling sympathetic with his situation, or that I just wanted to help. Mike or Tony would’ve argued that it was because I was overwhelmed by my feelings and by seeing him again after so long. Whatever the reason, I found myself saying, “You can stay with me.”

The other four men in attendance looked at me with very different expressions. Jaime looked at me like I was crazy, Tony looked mildly amused, and Mike looked concerned. Kellin though, he was relieved.

“Are you serious?” he asked me.

I can’t be serious.

“Yeah, why not? I have all this extra room and you need somewhere to stay. This way you won’t have to worry about money. And I mean, you’re already in San Diego and Nick lives in NorCal. It’ll be more trouble than it’s worth for you to get up there. So yeah, it’s fine with me if you stay here as long as it’s fine with you.”

I scratched the back of my neck once I finished my spiel. Once again, my bandmates were looking at me. I shrugged them off and focused on Kellin.

“I mean, you don’t have to. You’d probably be more comfortable staying with Nick anyway.”

“No,” he said quickly. “I’d love to stay with you. Nick has Jenna so I could be imposing and I don’t wanna do that, so thanks.”

I nodded, unsure of what else to say.

“I’ll only be here for a week before I go to L.A. I’ll try not to get in your hair.”

I waved him off with a small smile that he returned. His bright eyes shined with happiness and relief. I swear I could’ve gotten lost in them the way they sparkled in the sun. He quickly hopped off the porch to his Uber to get his bags, which gave the guys the perfect opportunity to scold me.

“Are you sure about this?” Mike asked. The same look of concern he was wearing earlier was dominating his features.

I shrugged. “Yeah? I’m just helping a friend out.”

“But is that all you’re trying to do?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You know what it means.”

I sighed. “I’ll be fine. I don’t even think about him like that anymore.” That was a fucking lie, and I could tell they all knew it, but they didn’t call me out on it.

“Vic,” my brother warned.

I waved him off. “Don’t worry, nothing like that is gonna happen. I have Danielle and he’s married. I’m more than positive that we’ll be okay. That I’ll be okay.”

Mike sighed. “I just don’t wanna see you get hurt.”

I patted his shoulder. “Thanks for your concern, but I’ll be fine.” I knew that he was skeptical, but he didn’t say anything else as Kellin walked into the house with his bags.

Maybe what I was doing was risky, and maybe my brother had reason to be worried about me getting hurt. Little did he know I’ve been hurt for a while, so what did I have to lose?

[greensparty]

RIP Eddie Van Halen 1955-2020

As if 2020 wasn’t bad enough already, today legendary guitar virtuoso Eddie Van Halen has died at age 65. This truly sucks!

Here is the obit from Rolling Stone.

Eddie circa 1984 with his famous red and white axe

Born in Netherlands and raised in Pasadena, CA, Eddie took up guitar and his brother Alex on drums, they formed Van Halen. Along with charismatic frontman David Lee Roth and bassist Michael Anthony, they were bigger than the sum of their parts, but lets be honest, Eddie’s guitar shredding was in the spotlight front and center for the majority of their songs. By the mid-80s countless bands were flocking to L.A. to become the “Next Van Halen”.

“Panama” music video

I first got into VH around 1984 when I was discovering music. Their album 1984 with hits like “Jump”, “Panama”, “Hot for Teacher” and more. Their music videos on MTV showed they were also funny too. This was the ultimate party rock band: songs about cars, babes and having fun. It needs to be said that Eddie was also a great keyboard player, just listen to “Jump”! Taylor Hawkins of Foo Fighters once said of “Panama” (a song he covered many times”) “anyone who doesn’t like this song is a fucking asshole!”. Well put!

Also in 1984 as I was learning and discovering music, I was a big fan of Michael Jackson’s Thriller and Eddie did the guitar solo on “Beat It”. He apparently did it as a favor free of charge. Doesn’t that blow your mind?

Eddie on stage with Michael Jackson performing “Beat It” live in 1984

In 1985, Roth left the band and VH brought in Sammy Hagar as their next singer. In the years that followed I picked up 1984, 1986′s 5150, and 1988′s OU812 on cassette tape. I can’t tell you how much I air guitar’d in my room listening to “Panama”, “Black and Blue”, “Why Can’t This be Love”, “Ain’t Talking ‘bout Love”, “Beautiful Girls”, “Unchained” and “Everybody Wants Some!!” (made famous in Better Off Dead with the hamburger playing a signature VH guitar and later the title of Richard Linklater’s 2016 college movie). Even when the band did covers like “You really got me” by The Kinks or “Oh Pretty Woman” by Roy Orbison it sounded fresh.  

As a teen I began playing guitar and was blown away by Eddie’s tapping technique. I picked up the band’s older albums on cassette tape and really went through a VH phase. I bought the band’s 1991 album For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge the week it came out. Many point to that as the album where they jumped the shark. The thing with VH albums is this: 1978′s self-titled debut and 1984 are two of the greatest albums of all time, but most of their other albums have some awesome songs and then some filler. But being a fan at the time, I dug whatever I could get my hands on from them. I taped some specials they did on MTV including the rockumentary and a tour special. 

Eddie even made a power drill into an instrument

In July 1993, I saw VH live at Great Woods in Mansfield, MA. They were promoting their live album Right Here, Right Now. The show went on a little long, but Eddie’s guitar solos were definitely the highlight. Later that year, Eddie went on stage and played a song with Nirvana. Imagine seeing that show? That same year, I recorded a mix tape “the VH Story”, where I narrated facts about each song. I made copies for select friends. I was a fan and was excited to share my fandom with others.

VH’s 1995 album Balance was like a metal band trying to compete with grunge. By this point I was gravitating more towards alt-rock, but VH was always in my back pocket. Then in 1996 when Hagar quit right after their songs were on the Twister soundtrack, for a brief shining moment Roth was back in the band for 2 songs on their compilation Best Of - Volume I. Then Extreme’s Gary Cherone was brought in as the singer. As much as I loved Extreme and Gary, the 1998 album Van Halen III was a letdown. Boy was it ever! 

VH’s entire discography

Then Cherone was out, Hagar was back, then out again. In 2007, the same year VH were inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, they reunited with Roth, but Anthony was kicked out and replaced by Eddie’s son Wolfgang on bass. Wolfgang is by no means a bad bassist, it’s just that fans wanted the classic lineup and Anthony to be there with Eddie, Alex and Roth. In 2012, the VH lineup with Roth and Wolfgang released A Different Kind of Truth. Some good tunes, but not worth the wait IMHO. 

Back to the Future’s walkman

In addition to VH, Eddie also scored the 1984 movie Wild Life (written by Cameron Crowe). Eddie was such an icon, he was mentioned in pop culture multiple times, including Back to the Future when Marty played a VH cassette tape for George pretending to be from another planet. VH’s biggest claim to fame might be that they made heavy metal accessible to the masses. Their style of metal was melodic enough to get played on Top 40 radio.

Roth and Eddie at the final VH concert in 2015

The suckiest thing about Eddie’s passing is that as I look back at a lot of the music I was into in the mid-80s, it’s kinda sad how many of those musicians are now gone, i.e. Prince, Michael Jackson, Ric Ocasek, George Michael, David Bowie, Freddie Mercury, Michael Hutchence, Neil Peart and countless others. But I digress. Eddie is hands down one of the greatest guitar players of all time, up there with Jimi Hendrix and Stevie Ray Vaughan. His music will definitely live on! 

[cinnamoonsworld]

Two Worlds Collide - Chapter 4 (Aizawa x fem!reader)

Hello everyone! After this chapter I will take a month off, it is the first time I have left since the lockdown! During this holiday period I will try to post a short fanfiction about another BNHA character that I love a lot, Fatgum. Meanwhile, in this chapter, the dramas begin...enjoy! Thanks to my boyfriend for the translation.

Previous chapter: ch1|ch2|ch3

You can also find me on Ao3!

Warnings: none 

Word count: 1.249 —————————————————————————— Chapter 4 

One month has already passed since you started working at U.A.

The kids loved you and found out that your role as Counselor was really useful for them. Many of them already came to speak with you, some more than others who were just curious. You were happy to help them in all ways possible while they were training, and you were happy to see them growing stronger and more confident. You bonded with all the students, but not with Aizawa.

You two did not speak that much, except when you were forced to interact for lessons and school activities. Aizawa almost could not stand seeing you everyday so happy and cheerful with everyone, he could not understand why you were always with that smile on your face. He looked almost like he was unsettled by your comprehensive and worry attitude towards the others. On the opposite side, Nemuri and Hizashi loved you. When they were in the teacher's lounge they could do anything but praising you. Both of them would not have a good day unless they first meet you in the hallways with your big smile.

"Shouta, why you have this costant dead expression when (Y/N) is around?" Asked one day Hizashi while they were alone in the Teacher's Lounge.

"She is the exact same reason i have this face." coldly answered the raven without taking his eyes away from the PC.

"I really do not understand how can you be like this with her! She is such a wonderful and sweet girl!" Shouted Hizashi completely stunned by what he had just heared.

"In my contract it is not said that everyone of my co-worker should be likeable to me." Pointed Aizawa.

"Yup... we noticed." answered the blonde distractly, and Eraserhead grunted at him.

"Anyway, I think you should talk to her more! She do not only have a good attitude, she is also beautiful! It's not a case that she is one of the most loved singer in Japan, i always list her songs during my program!"

"Then why don't you take her as an assistant?" replied Aizawa shutting his pc off.

"If only i could! I'm not a head-teacher like you are!" Sighed Present Mic.

You felt it on yourself that Aizawa hated you. You had already noticed it from the small details, but now it was really obvious. Every day you would question what I might have done wrong to meet his dislikes, and you would always try to be as nice and cute as possible with him even though you really just wanted to yell at him how obnoxious and snobby he was. On the other hand, you were there on behalf of the Commission and you could not afford to behave like a spoiled child. Not to mention the tabloids, which would have done nothing but talk about this scene for weeks at a time and try to question its popularity among the very young and much more.

At that moment someone knocked on the door, and you came in smiling as usual.

"Aizawa, I finished making copies for today’s surprise class test." You said cheerfully. "Where can I drop them off?"

"Leave them by the coffee maker, thank you." He answered without even looking up.

You left them where he had shown you, and greeted them both with your hand and a big smile and waving your hand. Present Mic warmly reciprocated, while Aizawa remained silent.

"You might as well have been a little nicer to her!" said the friend.

As you revised your schedule for the day, you began to feel all the effort on your shoulders. With school work and a singing career, you had little free time, and you began to feel a certain sense of oppression. As much as the assistant and consultant job was going well, the singer job was starting to get really heavy. The time was approaching to record a new album, and among all the commitments you had to find a way to write new songs. It used to be easy for you to write, but now it had become quite complicated. The songs you wrote were very different from the previous ones, they were much deeper and more intimate. You were starting to feel more like a woman than a little girl, and you wanted your fans to understand your change. Sharing your change with those who have followed you for years would have made you immensely happy.

During your lunch break, you ran to the record company to deliver the lyrics to your manager who was supposed to tell you something by the end of the day. You had your heart racing to think what the songs would look like when they were recorded. For others you had the whole base in mind, for others you were still thinking about it but you knew you were on the right path.

You went back to the U.A. Just in time for the afternoon lessons. The boys were thrilled to be back in class, but this enthusiasm died out immediately when Aizawa had you deliver the test papers to surprise class. While the professor was sleeping in the sleeping bag with the background of his students' despair, you sat in the chair to check on the kids and, occasionally, peeked at the phone.

"(Y/L/N), you know you can’t keep your cell phone on in court, right? Unless you’re a professional hero, then you’re allowed to." He grumbled Aizawa turned to you inside the sleeping bag.

"Sorry, Aizawa, I’m just waiting for an important phone call..." You whispered pretty mortified and looked down.

"I don’t care. Your singing career isn’t as important as this job, so turn off your phone NOW." declared the hero in a peremptory tone.

"How can you afford to say that to me?" You asked him out loud and distracted the kids from their homework. In the face you were bruised with anger, your eyes became clear. He had managed to cross the line with only one sentence.

"If you’re here, it’s obvious that your singing career is just as much of a pastime as any." Aizawa asserted without getting upset.  

The only thing you wanted to do was slap him in the face. You were so angry that she barely talked to you about work, but she just took the liberty of passing judgment on your personal life. Before you could do anything, you took deep breaths trying to calm down and, above all, not to cry.

"Guys, it’s all right." You announced smiling with a slight tremble in your voice to the guys as they looked at you with a confused look. "Please continue with the task."

Their curiosity subsided, and until the end of the lessons the only noise that was heard in the room was that of the pens they wrote on the sheets.

When the bell rang, you went to collect all the tasks and deposit them on the desk while Aizawa came out of his sleeping bag. Since they didn’t have any practice that day, you waved your usual glowing smile at the whole class before you left. You used to say goodbye to Aizawa before you left, but you just gave him your back and left the courtroom without talking to him. Maybe he had gone too far to tell you those things, he mulled over them all the time without being able to sleep. It was better to apologize for this time.

[shemakesmusic-uk]

After releasing their album Play With Fire last year via Suicide Squeeze Records, Californian punk trio L.A. Witch are sharing a new video for their standout track 'Motorcycle Boy'. Speaking about the video, L.A. Witch singer and guitarist Sade Sanchez said "The song is inspired by Moto Boys like Mickey Rourke, Marlon Brando, and Steve McQueen, so of course we took a lot of inspiration from our favorite biker movies like The Wild One, Rumble Fish, On any Sunday, Easy Rider, Hells Angeles '69 and The Girl on a Motorcycle. I had worked with (director) Ambar Navarro and Max on another project and loved their other work, so we wanted to work with them on this. They definitely did their homework and came up with a cool story line. I got to feature my bike that I'd been rebuilding during the pandemic. It was nice to shoot a video where you get to do two of your favorite things, riding motorcycles and play guitar."

Margo Price has shared a new music video for 'Hey Child', said to be the heart and “centerpiece” of her acclaimed 2020 album That’s How Rumors Get Started. It’s directed by Kimberly Stuckwisch. In the moving visual, the country star confronts the demons of her past. There are scenes referencing the time she spent in jail for substance abuse, as well as others depicting her struggles with addiction and depression. Price’s vulnerability is on full display here, and she ultimately uses it to heal and find strength again. Watch it down below. According to Price, 'Hey Child' was originally written back in 2012 “not long after my husband Jeremy and I lost our son Ezra.” She continued, noting how fellow country star and album producer Sturgill Simpson helped encourage her to release it: “'Hey Child' was a song that was written back in 2012 not long after my husband Jeremy and I lost our son Ezra. We were playing shows with our rock and roll band Buffalo Clover and occupying most of the bars in East Nashville. We had begun hanging with a rowdy group of degenerate musician friends and partying harder than The Rolling Stones…The song was about how many of our talented friends were drinking and partying their talents away but after a few years had passed, we realized it was just as much about us as our friends. I had retired it when the band broke up but Sturgill Simpson resurrected it when he asked me if I would re-record it for That’s How Rumors Get Started.” [via Consequence of Sound]

NYC collective MICHELLE has today unveiled their first new single of 2021. Titled 'FYO,' the track powerfully recounts the four lead singers’ experiences growing up with mixed race identities. The track arrives alongside a music video directed by the band’s own Layla Ku and Emma Lee. Speaking on the message behind the song, Jamee Lockard from the band shares: “'FYO' is about belonging to different worlds but feeling rejected by both. Growing up as a mixed-race minority in the US, my self concept was warped by other people telling me what I am and am not, pushing and pulling me between identities. Although my feelings of cultural dissonance still ebb and flow, now I have the vocabulary, support system, and perspective to unpack that inner conflict on my own terms. We should never give others the authority to define who we are."

With her new album Homecoming set for release on April 2 via Daemon T.V., Du Blonde is sharing the video for ‘Medicated’. Featuring Garbage’s Shirley Manson, Du Blonde says of the song, “‘Medicated’ is a letter to my 27 year old self who didn’t want to live anymore, from my now medicated, functioning and content self. It might sound depressing or concerning, but really it’s quite joyful. Like ‘look at how things can be if you hang around’. Shirley and I had talked about her adding vocals to a track and when I wrote Medicated it seemed like the perfect fit. She’s been a voice of reason for me many times when i’ve been struggling and it felt really appropriate to have her. I shot the video in my childhood bedroom using a green screen Girl Ray gave me at the start of lockdown,” she continues. “The spiders are a reference to a hallucination I had in my early teens where I pulled back my bed covers to see thousands of spiders writhing around in my bed, which now I see as a result of extreme anxiety. A lot of the scenarios in the video are a celebration of the things about me that I feel people might feel shame about. There’s so much stigma around taking medication in order to ease mental health conditions, so I wanted to express my feelings on the subject which is basically ‘I take medication and i’m stoked about it because thanks to that i’m still alive’.” [via DIY]

Back with her powerful Y2K sound, Spain's Rakky Ripper channels PC Music and Rina Sawayama on brightly catchy new single 'Whatever'. The new EP Xtra Cost is released  February 19. If you are over the age of 25, odds are that you can recall a very specific kind of pop that graced our launch into the new millennium. Since coined as "Y2K", chart music of that short era was flush with R&B beats, synthetic arrangements and sickly sweet hooks. Britney was the industry’s honey-highlighted princess whilst Christina made it dirrty. It’s something that Rina Sawayama has made 2020-relevant again with the release of her debut album Sawayama, whilst PC Music and Charli XCX took it to another extreme with the redefinition of what it means to be pop. Meanwhile, over in Spain, the alt-pop scene is flourishing courtesy of artists such as Rakky Ripper and her own unique blend of Y2K-meets-hyper-pop. Already gaining Charli XCX approval when the Mercury Award nominee asked Rakky to join her onstage at her Madrid show, the Granada talent shows crossover potential with her new single 'Whatever'. Punchy beats and playful synths capture the sticky heat of pop done well whilst its fuzzy guitar gives it an alternative edge, however it’s its hook-riddled chorus and Rakky’s Spanglish lyrical mix that make 'Whatever' a standout moment. “‘Whatever’ is the pop girl in my new EP Xtra Cost,” shares Rakky of her new release. “It’s my 2021 version of Britney, *NSYNC and the Spice Girls. The new video tells the story about two people who are in love but one of them pretends not to care, so the other person is always chasing.” [via Line Of Best Fit]

Things are afoot in the FKA twigs camp. In October, the R&B star revealed that her third album had been completed during quarantine. Now, she’s back with a new song called 'Don’t Judge Me'. It's her first since dropping the masterful album MAGDALENE in 2019. In addition to a stunning performance from FKA twigs, the track features UK rapper Headie One and producer Fred again…, who’s worked with the likes of Ed Sheeran and Brian Eno. 'Don’t Judge Me' appears to be something of a companion release or sequel to 'Don’t Judge Me (Interlude)', an early 2020 collaboration that also featured all three artists. Unlike the intentional vagueness of that song, the themes on this version are a lot more direct. During her verse and the hook, twigs begs her lover to hold her and appreciate the “precious love” she sends their way with a devastating urgency. Headie One takes a different approach in his verse and goes off about racial injustice and police brutality. “Know more about my people from the streets than from my teachers/ I done a million speeches/ No justice, no peace, ’cause we in pieces/ Officer, am I allowed to breathe here?,” he raps with a conversational directness. It’s a really powerful pairing from two different yet complementary artists with voices that demand the listener’s full attention. Check it out above via a dazzling video co-directed by FKA twigs and Emmanuel Adjei, who was heavily involved in Beyonce’s Black Is King visual album. Like all of FKA twigs’ clips, this one is truly something to behold. [via Consequence of Sound]

Girl Friday have delivered a surrealistic visual for 'Earthquake,' the powerhouse lead single from Androgynous Mary, their acclaimed album of 2020 out now on Hardly Art. 'Earthquake' is one of the band's most gloriously raging moments and sees the group power through three and a half minutes of unadulterated catharsis. Girl Friday’s Vera Ellen, who directed the new video, offers this, “The greatest love story is between a song and a video. I wanted to deconstruct the creative process. How do ideas find each other? What happens when the artist lets outside forces get in the way of an idea? How is an idea affected by us, the audience and our expectations? What does an idea have to do to become it’s complete, purest, self. Beyond anything, it’s a story of fighting for true liberation. This will look different for everyone but I hope people can project their own struggle onto the story, and relish in the freedom experienced by the characters (if only for a moment)."

J-Pop girl-group, FAKY has released their first single of 2021, 'The Light' with an accompanying music video. This song was selected as a campaign song for the horror film Jukaimura (Suicide Forest Village), the most recent work by the master horror director, Takashi Shimizu, who also directed The Ju-on (The Grudge) and Inunakimura (Howling Village). This up-tempo and cheerful track was created to add another layer of eerieness and uncertainty to the hair-raising storyline and themes of the movie. 2020 was a successful year for the girl group. FAKY hopes to further their success in 2021 starting with the release of 'The Light'. “Our new single ‘The Light’ is an uplifting song with its pop melody, powerful live band sound, and motivating message to move forward towards the light” - FAKY. The music was composed by up-and-coming music producer, Maeshima Soshi (Hypnosis Mic, Hey! Say! JUMP, Rinne and Sorane). 'The Light' expresses that moment when your heart quivers, just when you are about to change, with the theme being about overcoming conflict and having “power to strike out into the world.”

Kinlaw's dark-pop quest has seen her shatter boundaries. Snapped up by Bayonet Records, her piercing, roving eye deconstructs her personal feelings, illuminating electronic structures in their stead. New album The Tipping Scale is out this month, and it expertly reflects the vagaries of winter, the spartan landscapes and the self-examination. Taken from the record, new single 'Haircut' deals with shifts in her life, with the urge to propel herself into something fresh. "I cut my hair to confuse myself," she comments. "It started as a mission to change who I was, to make a new and better version, but ended with my feeling like I no longer knew what I was mourning." A song about leaving trauma behind and embracing the possibilities of the present, 'Haircut' carries some inspired connotations for these troubled times. Kinlaw says the single offers "a question of personal power, and even speaking on this song today has been challenging because it was written when I was unsure if I had any power left. I think 'Haircut' can be a lot of things to many different people, particularly those who identify with the juxtaposition of in-depth, internal dialogue paired with everyday coping strategies. There is a sweetness to it, but also such substantial, unwavering difficulty. Today, I prefer to think of 'Haircut' as an anthem of resilience and an ode to the ways we keep going, we shapeshift, and we reinstall that there is a way to find what it is we are hoping to find." The visual leans on the intimate, opening up a window into Kinlaw's life, and her true feelings. [via Clash]

The Rhode Island born,  Los Angeles based singer, songwriter, musician and actress Emeline is known for her work with Thievery Corporation's Rob Garza as well as her solo music full of biting lyrics and catchy hooks. Her new music video for '6 Foot Deep' was filmed at the infamous Westerfeld Mansion a.k.a “House of Legends.” Icons like Jimi Hendrix and Janis Joplin have lived there, as well as the founder of the Church of Satan. Covered in satanic etchings and scratches from his pet lions, the energy within the house added to the feel of the music video. Also previously used for the Russian Embassy, the house has featured on "Ghost Hunters" for it's haunted happenings.

The Charli XCX-crafted Nasty Cherry have returned with their first single of the year, 'Lucky'. The new track follows last year's Season 2 EP, and arrives as first taster of a new EP landing this spring. The band say of their new single, "'Lucky' is a song we wrote for each other during the pandemic where the six weeks we got to spend together felt incredibly precious and introspective. It's a reflective, sweet and spiky little song." [via Line Of Best Fit]

Griff has premiered the video for her incredible new single ‘Black Hole’. Launched as Annie Mac’s Hottest Record in the World last week, the striking new visual sees Griff examine a past relationship through a surreal, Alice in Wonderland’-esque journey from the sewing room into self-discovery (directed by duo SOB). [via With Guitars]

Poppy Ajudha has shared her new single 'Weakness' in full. The London based artist blends together jazz, soul, R&B, and a whole lot more besides, resulting in a sound that is truly her own. 'Weakness' is a song about love, and it finds Poppy capturing that nuanced dichotomy between the rush of pleasure and an innate fear of being out of control. In a note, Poppy explains that her new single is "about feeling out of control and at the mercy of someone else because of how crazy they make you feel, but also feeling bittersweet about it, because you’re a bad b*tch and you don’t have time for that ish." The songwriter steered the video, too, a self-admitted "control freak" who oversaw the neat mixture of animation and a superbly styled set. "Self-directing was really fun," she comments. "I’m a control freak so it was great to get stuck into all the facets of making a music video. Choosing the team, the makeup looks, directing the styling ideas, writing the narrative, working out how to build the set. It definitely felt like a challenge to direct, star-in and perform choreographed moves for the first time but I love to push myself and am really glad I did." [via Clash]

GG McG’s latest single, ‘Good Morning’, is her first release this year and second overall, following ‘Boom’ in 2019. The song was written on GarageBand during lockdown and was produced by Japanese Wallpaper’s Gab Strum, mixed by Konstantin Kersting and mastered by Andrei Eremin. “‘Good Morning’ is about the total, complete chaos of the past year and the feeling of waking up every morning, reading the news and being blown away by just how much worse things were than the day before,” McGauran said in a statement. [via the Music Network]

Singer HyunA dropped her seventh mini album I’m Not Cool on Thursday, singing of the ups and downs of being the “cool girl” on stage. The album’s title song 'I’m Not Cool' sings about the nice things she tells herself. “It’s really about my originality. I try to compliment myself before going onto the stage. I tell myself it’s not bad to be myself. I’ve long dreamed of this moment right now, and I feel like I’m a bird flying freely in the sky or a flower blooming in the field. I know I cannot be loved by everyone, but I become perfect with just one person’s love. The song is about these kind of every day thoughts.” Donned in exotic outfits and flashy makeup, HyunA said she “became a snake” in the song that sings “No one’s as intense as I am, like salmosa. I tried to show as much of myself as I could in the music video. I wanted to show how intense the ‘not cool’ HyunA could become when fully set,” she added. The creativity behind the title track comes from the unique minds of herself, singer and the founder of her agency P Nation Psy, and her best colleague and boyfriend Dawn. “We worked on the song while just chatting about it endlessly with each other,” HyunA said. “When Psy threw in a big catchy chunk, Dawn would creatively unfold this, adding fun elements to make it fit my style and state of mind. I personally like writing those rebellious lines. Mingling these three minds together, every day, was just so much fun.” [via The Korea Herald]

THYLA are sharing their first new music of 2021, with new single 'Breathe', a track that the band confirm will appear on their long-awaited debut album, set for release later this year. Putting 2020 firmly in the rear-view mirror, the Thyla ethos of putting one foot in front of the other serves them well as they look toward what a long-awaited debut album might sound like. As self-confessed underdogs they've developed an attitude that aims at turning the possible into the inevitable, and with the hypnotic 'Breathe' they reach for reflective, melancholy sounds to accompany what is a time of intense loneliness for many. It is a theme that has been creeping into Thyla's music for some time, and 'Breathe' sees them further explore the idea that, in a world more connected than ever, we are paradoxically more shut off as individuals. 'Breathe' shows yet again that even at their subtlest, Thyla are capable of carving out an impassioned pop world full of the intricacies of our much-missed IRL interactions. Lead singer Millie Duthie offers these thoughts on the track: "'Breathe' was written in the early hours of the morning. Eventually we chanced upon this really vibey atmospheric lick that you hear in the intro, and the whole song grew from there. The song blossomed into a slightly melancholic dream-pop bop, it’s bittersweet and has a slightly inconclusive feeling to it; imagine a film where the main character never actually gets the happy ending you’ve been so long yearning for. The result of how the instrumental sounded no doubt manifested lyrics that held the same sentiment. The song is about loneliness, estrangement from family and close friends, yet despite this, feeling a sense of inner strength about the situation. It’s like recovering from a breakup and realising you’ve come out stronger, but a reflection of the scar tissue that resulted from the trauma."

[anotherkindofmindpod]

I just read both interviews, Part 1 and 2 of Jann Wenner's Rolling Stone Interview of 1971. It sounds as though John and the other Beatles DID have a realistic gripe about Paul taking over, directly projects, handing out musical assignments, etc., etc. and I'm sure he had the ego by this point to match! I would probably have become irritated by Paul as well. And no hints or even reading between the lines of John being emotionally hurt by Paul with regard to loss of intimate relationship.

Hello and thanks for writing in, Listener!First, I’d like to point out that we haven’t reached the Lennon Remembers portion of our Break-up Series, and will dig into it much more thoroughly in a future episode (stay tuned!).  

Presumably this ask isn’t in response to anything we’ve actually discussed on the podcast, in which case I feel that I should explain that what we do on our show is reevaluate conventional wisdom and contextualize public statements within the realities of actual behaviors. In other words, not taking things like Lennon Remembers at face value is AKOM 101.

If what we were doing on this podcast was as easy as simply reading the most infamous interview John Lennon ever gave (the one upon which the conventional story of the Beatles break-up is founded), it wouldn’t be much of a podcast or a very groundbreaking analysis, would it?

Second, I’d like to mention that listeners/readers can hear the entire (3.5 hours!) interview on You Tube.  Very evocative with audio!  Wenner’s editing in the print versions often make John sound more coherent and less vitriolic towards everyone but Paul than the audio reveals (i.e. the shitty comments about Paul are always printed but the ones about George, Brian, etc often aren’t).

Next, we’d like to state the usual disclaimer (which everyone is probably already aware of but is a good reminder anyway!):  John later disavowed this interview.  In fact, he was so angry at Jann Wenner for publishing it as a book, it apparently created a permanent rift between the two.  You may choose to view/value this interview as John being super honest, but please consider that in this allegedly “truthful” book/interview, John:

claims George is musically/creatively inferior to John

declares the McCartney album “rubbish”

reveals his belief that he and Paul’s confidence levels are intrinsically, inversely related to one another

says George was so aggressively rude to Yoko that John wished he would’ve punched him over it

proudly admits that he “maneuvered” the other Beatles to get Klein in as manager

bemoans the fact that everyone says Brian Epstein was so great “just because he’s dead” and that Brian cheated and robbed the Beatles

makes derisive comments about “fags” at least five times in the printed version alone and calls Lee Eastman “a wasp Jew, man, that’s the worst kind of person on earth.”

admits to lying in interviews and deflects accountability on the basis of being “just a guy” who mouths off about stuff

As for Paul, John is admittedly all over the place, swinging fairly wildly from nostalgic (reminiscing about having “a good mind like Paul’s” on his side and co-writing with their “fingers in each others’ pies”) to bitter (”Paul thought he was the Beatles,” etc).

As for the accusations that Paul was tyrannical, we’ve addressed these before (particularly in Break-Up Episode 2).  Just as Geoff Emerick, Michael Lindsay Hogg and Doug Sulpy (and even John, when he was feeling more generous) have articulated, we too feel that Paul stepped up and led the band in a time of need and deserves unequivocal credit for that.  We believe much of the subsequent complaining from the other Beatles is akin to the kind of griping one directs at a colleague who gets promoted (“who died and made you king!?”) and while some of it was likely based in genuine irritation at Paul’s communication style, much of it was probably petty.  This is why we are looking at the situation from all angles, to get a better sense of what is reality v. spin.  In any case, we don’t dispute that there were power struggles within the band.Any reader is free to choose John’s side in any/all of these battles.  But our overall takeaway from this particular interview is that John was unloading a lot of pent-up rage; against teachers, fans, Aunt Mimi, his mum, critics, Paul and anyone else who didn’t properly recognize his genius and praise him for it.

“That’s what makes me what I am. It comes out, the people I meet have to say it themselves, because we get fuckin’ kicked. Nobody says it, so you scream it: look at me, a genius, for fuck’s sake! What do I have to do to prove to you son-of-a-bitches what I can do, and who I am? Don’t dare, don’t you dare fuckin’ dare criticize my work like that. You, who don’t know anything about it.”

Based solely on Lennon Remembers, one could reasonably believe John didn’t like anyone but Yoko and Allen Klein (of whom he also speaks with reverence).  Fortunately, John gave a million other interviews in his lifetime, so even though this one is given a disproportionate amount of weight (probably b/c it is the most inflammatory and “raw”) we can compare John’s comments, behavior and art over a broad spectrum of time.  We feel this gives us a better, more thorough and more authentic portrait of John’s POV.  This is a good idea with ANY public figure, but especially important in John’s case, since, by his own admission he has a tendency to say what he feels in the moment and doesn’t necessarily stand by his own statements afterwards.

John in 1976:  “I get a bit absolute in my statements. [laughs] Which sometimes get me into deep water, and sometimes into the shallow.”

To your other point, our overall impressions about John’s feelings regarding  “loss of an intimate relationship” with Paul certainly do not hinge on Lennon Remembers, nor have we ever suggested they do.  In fact, LR is commonly used as the primary proof-point by McCartney detractors and Lennon/McCartney deniers (those who willfully and sometimes passionately  ignore and/or deny the deep love between John and Paul, as described by John and Paul themselves and everyone in their lives) that Paul was a tyrant who destroyed the Beatles with his massive ego.  

We have never disputed the existence of Paul’s ego.  But consider this: John refers to himself as an egomaniac REPEATEDLY throughout this interview.  Why is there a loud faction of people who consider John being an avowed egomaniac perfectly reasonable (sexy even!), but find it unforgivable that Paul is the same way?  Consider these excerpts from Lennon Remembers:

Do you think you will record together again?

I record with Yoko, but I’m not going to record with another egomaniac. There is only room for one on an album nowadays.

How would you assess George’s talents?

[…] Maybe it was hard for him sometimes, because Paul and I are such egomaniacs, but that’s the game.

Who do you think is good today? In any arts…

The unfortunate thing about egomaniacs is that they don’t take much attention of other people’s work. I only assess people on whether they are a danger to me or my work or not.

[Tangential]

But the Beatles were artists, and all artists have fucking’ big egos, whether they like to admit it or not […]

Yes, John rants repeatedly about Paul’s ego during this interview- while he simultaneously declares his own genius and artistic superiority over others. We find it mind-boggling how this irony continues to evade some people, but there it is.  

George Harrison has repeatedly complained about BOTH John & Paul’s egos (and their shared ego IRT “Lennon/McCartney”), but again, this is often ignored in favor of singling out Paul as the villain.  

Furthermore, it’s helpful to bear in mind when consuming Lennon Remembers that John and Yoko had received training in media-messaging by this point and were very savvy at Public Relations.  We know from people close to them that they drafted their stories in advance before offering them to the public. This fact, combined with Lennon’s tendency to “mouth off” means we have the right and responsibility to question and examine John’s claims rather than simply  parrot them mindlessly.

If you are genuinely interested in our take, we recommend our Break-Up Series. We think you will find it well-researched and thoughtful, even if you disagree with some of our conclusions.

Or if you simply dislike McCartney and find him “irritating,” that’s fine too.  Not everyone has to like everyone!

For additional discussion/analysis of Lennon Remembers, I recommend any of several threads on Erin Torkelson Weber’s site, the Historian and the Beatles.

the flawed lens of Lennon v. McCartney

Jann Wenner’s bio

how Rolling Stone shaped the breakup

discussing a podcast appearance

Thank you so much for this ask!  It is always a pleasure to share information.  Have a wonderful day.-The AKOM crew