#for the people who dont know freeze your brain have fun

[flowersfortheghost]

this is how miles found out gwen's mom isnt there anymore:

gwen: Care for a hit?

miles: Does your mommy know you eat all that crap?

gwen: Not anymore. When mom was alive-

[kel-lance]

JJK Mafia Au (JJK x Reader) PART 5

Warnings:

- TW: Dead dove dont read (DDDR) Minors do not interact (MDNI): SA, Physical Assault, DubCon, NonCon, Mindbreak, Public Humiliation, Breeding, Ownership, Gaslighting, Multiple manipulation, RWORD, PTSD, a lot more toxic sh.

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AN: It’s my birthday! And I think this is my favorite chapter so far.

I hate to ask though I’m still struggling with the unemployment (got fired from a big bank bc of protesting months ago), the gov rn is holding my weekly needs so I’m about to get evicted next month. If you could donate anything I’d really really appreciate it 😥😥 I had to give away two of my cats already and I’m heartbroken abt it but they’ll have better homes at least. Thanks for reading.

PayPal: appleg0d Cashapp-$taa10t Venmo- taakt17

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“Hey aren’t you supposed to be watching me or something?” You tailed behind this silver haired twink and wondered if he was taking his mission seriously. Was he not afraid of Gojo? Did you get raped by /another/ lowley member of society?

He ignores you and keeps walking down the hall. You stop and wonder if he’ll notice if you were gone. Maybe he was hoping on it, but then you would be out in the open. It may not be such a big deal if it were just a few days ago, but this huge mess was someone's fault, and it couldn’t be yours, could it?

He turns the corner and you swear you saw him glare at you before disappearing. You were now left alone in this large walkway. What the fuck do you do? Before you were fine, you lived for years on your own, but right now you needed someone to tell you what to do.

What the hell was going on? This was “just mafia life”? Or generally being reduced down to just a woman? You backed into the wall and let yourself think for once, while everything was happening, you turned your brain off to survive. Would the days worth of torture and change be too much for you?

You didn’t have to think about that before. Maybe once or twice, but that was when you knew the Gojo and Zenin gangs’ turf. You don’t remember if you’ve seen any of them before, while living normally. Of course most of them looked like anyone else. Without their faces of death, they just looked like regular people.

“What are you doing all alone?” Your eyes shot toward the direction of the new voice. It was pretty, almost melodic as it bounced around the empty hall.

A young man walks towards you, his presence almost indescribable. His smile and looming height were welcoming, but his eyes and dark features, you could read them well. You almost wished Inumaki hadn’t ditched, though you couldn't tell if he could save you from this new character.

“?” He stops in front of you, crossing his arms, still smiling. “I asked you a question.” Fixing his stance, he trapped you by leaning in, as you hadn’t left your spot against the cold wall.

“What? Have you been hanging around Inumaki or something?” He grabs hold of your face, pulling it up, forcing your attention to him. “Speak.” He smiled.

You were tired of this, grabbing back at his arm, you really tried to pull it off of you. Strength would be an issue, but you knew how to use the rest of your body. Jumping up, your wrap your legs around his waist, taking this as a chance to catch him by surprise, hopefully with your weight you were hoping to throw him off his feet. Sadly, you wouldn’t get further than this, as the risky move really costed you.

The dude held you at the waist, locking you in with his grip. His face annoyed, or was it more bored? What was with these guys/ How do they just do this for fun?? You freeze again, you could feel it. “No,” You say. “Please I’m so tired.”

He only looks at you, fear set in deep in your chest though you still didn’t know who this weirdo was. He was as scary as if you knew who Sukuna was in that alley. Exactly who he was and knew what he and did to you. The bulge in his pants getting bigger as you trashed trying to get away, but he just pushed you further into his core.

“My cousin? He didn’t even mean it.” He closes the gap between you two, pressing your chests together, one hand holding you up just by your ass, the other on your back keeping you close, your heartbeat uncontrollable now. “Ill show you what yearning’s really like.” And with that he starts to walk, bringing you back to the living quarters, finding your new/designated room.

“I’ve probably known you longer than any of these idiots, and you let my cousin get to you...” His sweet voice gave the same tone as a knife being sharpened. “When I knew you first.” Your eyebrows furrowed.

“You can think long and hard, but I remember what happened to you 2 years ago. And what about what happened 5 years ago, and I have to mention how cute you looked in glasses.” You sank into yourself, your entire being wanted to disappear. He knew? How did he know? You haven’t worn glasses since high school. And those events, no one would ever have been able to know about.

He brings you to the bed and keeps a hand on you, holding you down with just his hips to yours. God you couldn't do it again. Everything hurt, seriously youd wish they'd be able to knock you out and just let you deal with their mess after, but you knew he wasn’t gonna be merciful with you.

His grip hurt. It’s like he was a spoiled child told to wait, and now that he has his present and he just couldn’t wait to tear it apart. The more you squirmed, the more strength he applied. Pinning you further into the bed, and everytime youd move away from his sloppy desperate kisses, he’d actually create a fist and hit you in the face, making it easier for him to continue. You noticed he was getting angry around the 5th hit, “How could you let Gojo so easily when I wanted you first?!”

The door opens and Inumaki walks in. “Toge help!” You tried. At this point your lip and nose were bleeding. Your head was pounding with the way he was just playing with you, strangling you for a few seconds and then kissing you everywhere, praising you for the noises you made. The next few could’ve knocked you out so he had resorted to punching at your arms and legs, adding pain to every movement you could manage after the breath play.

“Don’t be such a whore.” He kept you pinned to the bed. “You don’t have to worry about him, he’s been keeping watch.” Your tears flowed into the bed, you couldn’t take this anymore. How many people were just going to use you or watch? It could /always/ be worse you thought. They could be doing a lot worse, but the inconsideration to your liveliness was killing you. The freedom you made for yourself was taken just because a man said so. You were more than frustrated, it was enough to let go of the mans arms finally, though your vision blurred through your tears, you could tell he was smiling at you.

“What’s wrong dove, have you finally figured out what you are?”

You look away, your eyes finding Toge’s. His purple irises shifted to the floor, not trying to look at you. He looked more upset than annoyed. Almost like he knew he couldn’t do anything to help anyway, he had no control over his friend. You just wished someone could stop all this already.

“Good thing he’s here, huh, or else something bad could happen to you.” He laughs and tells the other man to bring the rope, you’re a scratcher. If anything, he’s also seen what you’ve done to others who’ve underestimated you.

You give little resistance, knowing they’re not afraid to rough you up more to continue. ‘Skinny’ bound your hands together, and sits you at the head of the bed, holding your arms above your head. He was sitting up while having your head and upper body laying on his lap.

Not even a second later your clothes were around your ankles, and pulled above your chest. You were fully exposed, you try to pull your knees together. What actually made you give up was how silent they got. They weren’t taunting you right now and that terrified you, that they had a plan and seemed like they were sticking to it. At that point you just let them do whatever they wanted as the other stared with anticipation.

Yuta couldn’t wait anymore, the sight of you already had him eager. He’s waited years for you, staying low, continuing his mind games as his world didn’t agree with taking in outsiders, he could only work around you to learn about you, and who knows when this obsession started. His hands were all over you, grabbing, pulling, pinning, hitting you all over to let you feel the yearning he had for you.

"Ugh, seriously..." You were better than he thought. He growls under his breath, biting onto his finger, trying to hold himself back. Toge held your arms and torso down, more so held you in place as Yuta’s big hands laid another assault on your bare ass. He gives you no warning and aligns his pulled out tip to your hole and slowly shoves the head in.

Staying like that for a moment you were terrified if he was going to start going crazy on you. This position especially was going to hurt if he can’t put you in correct bindings already, your wrists hurt, your face hurt, you were about to hurt was all they were telling you.

“Hey, why haven’t you ever noticed me?”

“Answer him.”

“I just met you today, I don’t know you.” The words just flew out your mouth. That gave you no time as he shoved himself a tiny bit more inside, heightening the fear and pit in your stomach he was starting to reach.

“Why did it take this long for you to be under me?” “What took you so long?” It felt like he was growing bigger inside you.

“Answer him.”

“I don’t know you!” You could feel yourself squeezing around him.

His eyebrows furrowed as he tried to keep his composure. He almost busted from just the look you had but the extra pressure just made him want to start trusting and never stop. Instead he had to hold it together, just a little longer… “You know my girlfriend hates you. She’s someone who gets jealous over anything. “

He leans closer, picking up your chin to face him as he devours you with his eyes. “She waits for me everyday while I think about you. It was at first sight.”

“Hey, what do you think of me?” His eyes almost lit up as he asked that. “Hey, look at me.” You really just wanted them to get it over with already. This is dragging out so much longer it feels even worse than being at Sukuna’s weird mansion quarters or whatever it was.

“I told her you were just some bitch. I couldn’t care less about some stupid slut who lived on the streets.” His breathing and heart beat were quickening, hopefully this would be over. “I had to lie every time just to keep you close. It was to shut her up, bc your existence drives us both crazy.”

His drawn out sigh and uncontrollable convulsions came quick. He hadn’t even put the whole thing in. Wait that wasn’t the whole thing?? You look down and Jesus Christ it was half.

From this angle you must’ve been your tightest. At least you knew it made everything feel bigger, or was it just so close to your sweet spot that your body spawned back a bit, bucking into his release. “Hm?” He gave you a smile, “What was that just now? Did you just try to fuck me back?” He comes faces to face with you as he’s still releasing, giving you an awful smirk before kissing you again.

He was large alright, but not like the men in their 30’s. You swear after a certain age their dicks start to gain weight. The quiet one gently shoves Yuta’s upper body off yours so he could flip you, having you face his hard on directly. His dark haired friend loves the sight and says, “Suck him off, whore.” He pushes his hips fully into yours, connecting you three. He’d pushed your head down, having you throat his friend so far,your entire face was smothered by his hot skin.

He pulls you up and hisses, his whole body lightly twitching. Yuta groans, pushing your head back down on him as he rammed into you from behind. He was the only one moving all of you, creating a rough motion to pleasure everyone at the same time. If it were under different circumstances this would be so fun and hot, but you’ve read about the last few chapters, thank god it’s a fantasy. “This is just a fantasy.”

Your loud moans vibrate around his cock, driving him wild. His grip on your hair tightening as each fit drove you back into him. The other one grabs at your legs, pulling out and flipping you over, fully letting his partner come into you. God it was a sight, but the dark haired man didn’t flip you over just for that.

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- then toge leaves to stand watch outside and god you were actually scared of yuta.

- he was as cruel as toji but disconnected as choso, there wasn’t even a reason for this he just knew he could so he did. He was merciless, you felt like you were about to pass out multiple times until he hit you back to life.

- he started to get mad that this was the best he’s ever had and now doesn’t want to share. He doesn’t want you off on your own because stuff like this happens.

- He gets mad at you for being so much better than he thought/better than his girlfriend. His gf doesn’t help him forget about you either. You were drilled into his head before he even met her, which definitely drove her crazy.

- And where were you this whole time (it’s rhetorical he’s been with you the whole time.)

- He blames you for this happening and now that he’s gotta breed you to make you his. He doesn’t care about the plan, he doesn’t care about anything else, you were in his grasp and he was never going to let it be so close again. He wanted you and was going to ruin everything for all 3 clans if it meant you two could finally run away together.

- he cuts in you and bites you and hits you a few times and you cry and he looks disgusted and leaves. Again he’s only known the idea of you. He’s used to seeing glimpses, staring from a far, hoping to hear lips of your voice, your laugh, even to start setting up cameras in places he knew you’d frequent. But as of right now, you’re his and he has work to do. He’s gotta make sure this stays his.

- leaving you with Nanami who starts cleaning you. (Next chapter?)

- Gojo’s hospitality is sure shit, he tells Shoko and others that if he didn’t order it then they’re not to help you. You didn’t think anyone here could have a heart, well with this line of business it was going to end up awful anyway, but you really couldn’t have told that this blond stoic, even scary looking man was the gentlest person who’ve known this entire few months of hell.

[thepowerisyouth]

MONEY / FINANCE STRESS CONTENT WARNING, this next line is unfortunately quite stressful about money so this was an important warning for me to add:

This is also less for the random strangers on the internet who have no reason to trust my advice but more for the 10-15 people I know personally who trust my money advice based on prior experience and Ive sent them my blog link in the last month or two

US stock market is about to tank. On a global perspective its stupidly overpriced because markets like China are hitting 5 year lows (as in we've increased our stock market over 2x since "COVID lows", but their market is even lower than it was then.

Timing is hard but it is entirely possible yesterday was the peak of the market. Might also not tank for 6 months.

Market psychology is fucking weird tho so please absolutely dont 'short' anything, which is basically the same as 'buying puts'. Michael Burry nearly bankrupted all his friends, family, and random investors by insisting on 'shorting' things based on knowledge of impending crisis.

Just sell everything. I mean literally everything. Bond etfs might go up but youd have to have eyes glued to the charts to sell in time. Gold wont do, neither will bitcoin. Their negative correlation to stocks isnt really a thing anymore.

Get every etf, stock, whatever into cash in the brokerage account, then move it out of the banks/brokerage firms and into something physically in front of you because we are, in fact, in another 'historical period of bank runs' its just not quite at the peak yet.

Not trying to increase anxiety beyond nessecary-- its just that any, single bank can immediately freeze your money-- leaving it up to the Federal Government to pay you back-- and it might possibly be the case that youd have to rely on whats called a "bank bail in" to see your savings again.

Not a fun situation to be in, even if it wont happen to most people its just safe practice to do this during a "historical period of bank runs"

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This blog is basically my diary of my thoughts (suprise suprise). But Im an open book, privileged (but poor) little white boy with complex societal/generational abuse and very little home problems so lets fucking go theres a whole mormon cargo van to unpack

Definitely recommend tags Im terrible at them.

---

To those reading this, if you have ever met me in real-life or on the internet than you have taught me varying degrees of information which can be randomly retrieved by my brain at any time depending on current CPU performance. Thoughts of my loving husband have occupied my headspace probably 95% of my time since 14 so he has absolutely taught me at least 100x more than anyone else in the world.

When I say "I", oftentimes Im thinking about "me and my husband", or even sometimes "me and my friends/family", or even sometimes "me and society"--- but I am not always 100% aware of the current headspace environment and/or beliefs of the minds of those around me without feedback

---

There are currently over 8 billion individual varieties of the global human language spoken within the mind. Lets start translating them all. Misunderstood words become mean labels.

I fucking hate mean labels

"Math wiz" = racism and/or classism and/or gender shit. Fuck that shit

When a person is niched off into one part of an 8 billion population human society, it becomes impossible to not "live in a bubble". Bubbles change in size constantly even if not visibly observed. Bubbles can be different sizes depending on your current day-to-day thoughts of your own society. Bubbles must pop. Enlightenment implies life only gets better the more times ya pop and lock it

My path away from purely mathematics, logic, and scientific theory began when I met my husband, and for the first time in my life it became important to me not to be an asshole to everyone around me

Ive been told (only after I started dating my traumatized husband tho and helped him heal a lot) that I'm a natural communicator-- and all my life I found myself listening and learning to everything and everyone around me trying to understand both their and my own motivations-- then I like to garble them up and spit 'em out. My memory recall ability is wonky tho and fluctuates highly with nutrient intake-- I'll get into that later

I wish I could have a million years to read every blog on tumblr. I really do. Connecting & communating is extremely important for understanding one another but it takes time

I had an extremely unique childhood (who hasnt lol), enough so to isolate myself quite a lot through sheer dumb luck. My mom is also everyone's favorite school teacher so of course I was learning a lot from a young age. Luckily I glued myself to the first person who wanted to glue themselves to me equally & we grew exponentially closer to eternity

If its still not clear: my husband and I are bored and love chatting with people, but like most internet loving freaks my mouth don't work sometimes well but my fingies do. My ears got fluff a lot but I got eyes for LEDs like a hawk. Wish they werent LED tho

I also have a naturally short sleep cycle (i.e. extra time for this), and I really wont be offended or weirded out by someone reading through and liking 20+ or whatever of my posts at once randomly. Stories are supposed to be read in chunks, and I think of this blog as a story & also workspace for my thoughts that Id love to see which chapters everyone has read through. Also I love (and only respond positively to) positive feedback, yet also suggestions for ways to improve my "theorums". As in, good faith discussions are totally welcome on any post.

For my 50 year old parents reading my blog so lovingly in their limited evening time-- you can sort by tags to see what topics your familiar with, if you play around with the search function while on my page. Mom. Show dad how to do it

In the very, very bottom of my blog I dont even think I managed to tag shit properly-- but its the roughdraft workings of the philosophy, as well as my own logical framework for answering lifes questions. Its 2 months ago so I might not even be writing according to my own works down there anymore idk I change fast sometimes

Last thing for now here is that I was always criticized by teachers for not showing my work, and for not reviewing my tests before turning in, and I pushed back hard because nearly every time I went over and corrected a mistake-- I saw I most often got it right the first fucking time on a pure hunch. I act on impulse when I'm not meditating mostly for efficiency purposes because I believe I'm correct, but remain open to emotionally positive feedback so I can help remove all doubt.

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This might turn into my 'life story' post, as its already going there. Heres what I have so far in the way of my knowledge of my family before I was brought into existence, and my "earliest memories":

Family context:

I dont know jack shit. Nobody talks about it at all.

Here's my own observations Ive made using the framework and perceptive filters I was given--

My whole family is white Texans.

Ancestory is slaveowners of course, further back is a very likely direct parent-child descendent line from the most famous inbred british royalty of the 13th century i.e. King John, whose brother was the arab genociding Richard.

I would call my immediate family as upper poverty class. Its more like poverty with extra privileges cause mental health stigma was the only thing holding them back not other shit too.

As children we had a lot of very privileged opportunities because my parents made a lot of sacrifices to try and bring us back up the class ladder. Lets look into that generational trauma issue

My dads parents (born in the early 40s, dont know the year exactly. I think '43 or '44) were more upper middle class, pretty high income. Owned an insurance business that was very successful by the early 2000s at least. My grandpa is described to me as a "monster" and "violently abusive". I have a single memory of him screaming at me as a young child and I was cowering under a desk, so I really believe it. No other stories at all to provide context.

-- I gotta split this section off I realized I wrote the next thing about post-me context Ill need to move this part lower down later--

My grandpa got early onset dementia, my dad didnt notice in time, and my grandpa bankrupted his successful company and lost several million of dollars to "scammers and sexy ladies."

My dad found out around 2015-16 or so. He told me a little bit after telling me my grandparents were getting divorced. My dad managed to scrape together about $200,000 which is being sued for by the IRS actively.

(He split that money in two, and entrusted me tell him how to invest half in safe value stocks that I handpicked as well as a calculated risk allocation to bonds which we sold for 30% profit the second the market crashed. He gave the other half to a brokerage advisor. I never met the advisor but saw the results. Dont get me started on how the other dude did with that money-- we started this endeavor in January 2020.)

Personally I also dont believe that its possible to spend an entire fortune on scammers and strippers, so Id love to see his books and figure out what the hell went wrong with that asshole. I have a hunch I know something more than anyone else ("Enron", guys, we're talking about an insurance company in HOUSTON, in the 2000s) but I will never be sure without the books.

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Back to other family--

I do not know a single thing about my grandma on my dads side. She raised me quite a lot, but yeah I literally have only heard her life described to me as "she was a housewife"

On my moms side, my Mimi (also born 1940s but slightly younger so I think 1946 or 1947) came from a divorced, upper middle class family. In 1964-65, She and her step mom both got knocked up the same year so she watched her divorced dad remarry to said step mom when she was 18-19 and getting a shotgun marriage herself, so you can imagine what that was like. The "biological" of the two moms was a very good mom and very queer from what I hear. She died when I was a baby, from lung cancer. Thats all I know. My mimi raised me quite a lot, nearly equally as much as my mom did

My mom's dad, my Papa, came from a rural farming family in East Texas. Dont know much else of anything, but he and his siblings were named "Billy, Bobby, and Betty". As in, they are what everyone likes to call "hicks"

--

Moving onto my direct parents now. I know a little more about them of course, but since we're getting closer in age to the present-- I think itll be easier to describe my understanding as common stereotypes. If its unclear what I mean definitely feel free to ask, but I'll probably say "I dont really know"

Not much else is relevant other than knowing that my moms family was the mormon one, but that as soon as my dad was love-bombed by the church he joined to. Mormons were also different in the 90s I'm told.

My dad struggled with being one of the "crazy schizos" of the 90s. As in, very traumatized, upset, and gaslit by the government and his parents. Must have done a damn good job dealing with it by the time he was in his late 20s and I popped out cause he was never a "bad dad" to me at all. Definitely yelled and was more angry at times, but less than any other friends parents Ive ever met, and from what I remember he came into my room at night and apologized to me literally every single time within like 5-10 minutes. I know pretty much nothing about him pre-me. He was a tradesman my whole life and specialized in remodeling kitchens & bathrooms (the 'dirty work of construction'). All his initial clientele were the rich people my grandma lived near and was friends with.

My mom would have been extremely queer-presenting and posting on tumblr if born in the year 2000, but was born in early 70s, and was a raegan teen in high-school in Texas during the satanic panic-- she presents completely cis, straight, but has body dysmorphia issues. Thats about you need to know about those issues I'm sure my tumblr folks can assume the rest and be perfectly correct. Cause thats about all I know too and I'm assuming the rest about my own mother

--- Earliest memories

I think a lot of people face doubt about their own earliest memories, maybe hearing the way I connect the images of these events in my head to my emotions I felt will help others do the same.

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Two disclosers about me & my current healthcare discoveries before moving on

1) My only "major" childhood trauma is loneliness. I have a partner now (started dating early high school, nearing 10 years together now) who was just as lonely and we are glued to each others side constantly, and have made our life work great that way. So don't feel too bad reading this, I'm only able to write it down because Ive healed that trauma and can dig this stuff up with no issues to validate the emotions I felt even as a child

1) I believe I have a genetic trait that is only just getting discovered. There are something like 6 discovered mutations that hold this similar trait so far, and its just basically chronic insomia.

It being a genetic trait tracks with how my mom describes me as never settling into a normal sleep pattern at 6 months old, having absurd amounts of nightmares and death anxiety keeping me up at night as a child, and I still dont sleep at any given time. I average 2 hours less sleep than my husband, who averages 7-8 now that he isnt actively being abused at home.

Going to get sequenced but even if negative I'd probably just be a 7th mutation, as they only found the other 6 genes via case study.

The scientists whove discovered it call it "Familial Natural Short Sleeper", if you desire to look it up. They describe the trait like its the best possible thing in the world. Well... terminally chronic insomia is not the best thing in THIS world thats for sure.

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My "earliest memories"

These arent ranked by time accurately of course. Took enough effort digging through my brain to turn them up, not like Ive got a 2003 calendar stuffed in here as well.

I did do my best to sort by first memory but it also might be sorted by the order at which I recovered the memories as being one of my "earliest" when I was a child and asked such things

1. Pure emptiness. I can only describe it as dissociation. I can remember nothing about the environment around me, except feeling suddenly sucked out of it, seeing only darkness, feeling almost a ringing in my ears and the deepest dread possible. This same feeling followed me in life for a little while, but started to take more visual shape when I was an adolescent, until at some point I would see myself sitting in a chair alone in a room that is infinitely sized but that slowly gets darker the further out you go. I cant remember what exact "real-world" event caused this feeling to ever happen each time it did. I just can remember having it happen occasionally when I was awake and doing things. Definitely dissociation. (If you are willing to believe me further I think its just probably "lights out" and being scared of that)

1. Riding a mattress down the stairs. I kind of remember two images, one is the tunnel vision of going high speed down the stairs and the other would be from looking back up at the stairs when I was done going down. Totally fun, probably my first rollar coaster ride. I might remember my siblings laughing too but it wouldnt be because I can remember the actual laughing-- but I can remember feeling the joy of being in a group of people laughing. At the time, my parents were selling the house so thats why I also remember it being a completely empty carpeted room that we were riding down into

2. My brother smashing his head repeatedly into the refrigerator for 'fun' and someone saying "wow he has a hard head" or something along those lines. I was learning english I cant remember exactly what they said but that was definitely the meaning I took from their words. I think this memory is strong, because I was truly very curious as to why my brother was just running at full speed, head down, and headbutting a hard surface. The words someone said after that must have been one of my first 'answers'

3. Watching my siblings play in rare Houston snow. Not much remembering there actually. Probably just thought it was mezmorizing to watch as I just really remember a picture and feeling peace

4. Will add more later.

[corvidcall]

my top 5 favorite commanders of 2024

I know a top 10 is more traditional, but... I mean, I didn't want to pick any commanders I didn't actually build!!

Before getting into the list, I do want to give an honorable mention to Bonny Pall, Clearcutter, which is a deck I built but never got the chance to really play. But as a Minnesotan, I gotta show some love to my girl Paul Bunyan.

Now, onto the actual list!

5. Kellan, the Kid

The difficult thing about this list is that, as a Vorthos, I really just wanna put down all my favorite characters. And I LOVE Kellan. My sweet boy. People love to tell me that "Thunder Junction had no story," and I genuinely still don't understand what they mean by that, because I read the story!! It very much existed and was good! Kellan tries to sacrifice his own morals to win his deadbeat dad's affection, and it just doesn't work, because his dad is fundamentally incapable of caring about him.

Anyway, uh, the card is cool too I guess. Kellan looks very handsome in it and I'm so proud of him.

4. Yuma, Proud Protector

Would.

...I was just gonna leave it there because its funny, but unfortunately I have "can't shut up" disease. Yuma is the first trans man in MtG! (At least, the first canonical one. We all know Jace is trans but he's stealth and used his mind magic to erase the knowledge from WotC's memories). The sidestory about him was one of my favorite bits of mtg writing this year. Also, he's from fantasy Chicago and moved to Thunder Junction, and as a trans person who moved from the midwest to a desert, I find him very #relatable.

...ok technically I live in a semi-arid region and not a true desert. BUT STILL.

Also, this deck is fun because everyone always gets concerned that I might run mass land destruction in it. And if the guys at my LGS keep pissing me off, one of these days, I will.

3. Flubs the Fool

Its kind of funny that this is on the list, because, by all accounts, it should not be a deck I enjoy. It doesn't have either of my favorite colors (white and black). It's from a set I hated (i did NAWT enjoy Bloomburrow lol). Its a cEDH deck (I think cEDH is an abomination). Its a storm/combo deck (I dont like having to keep track of that much, AND i don't like taking that long of a turn).

... but tbh its a hoot! So far, it's had a 100% win rate against the cEDH players at my LGS, and it just makes me laugh. You want to be Hellbent (have no cards in hand) as soon as possible, which is usually the OPPOSITE of what you want, and you just draw a card, cast it no matter what it is, draw another card, until you manage to draw into your wincons (infinite storm combo + Brain Freeze to make everyone mill, or infinite mana combo + Walking Ballista to ping everyone for infinite damage). It runs exactly 0 interaction. What other opponents' decks are doing is not your problem. What YOUR deck is doing is not your problem. We're on empty brain mode babey!!!!

2. Alquist Proft, Master Sleuth

Must a commander be powerful in order to be on the list? Must a card be "good"? Is it not enough to see a beautiful face, small?

I had two goals with this deck: First, I wanted a lower-power deck that I could play with my sister, who is just learning how to play, and second, I had such a blast playing Azorius Detectives at the MKM pre-release that I wanted to build a deck that had all the fun cards from that.

Alquist is certainly not... the best commander ever. His activated ability is REALLY overcosted, considering how low impact it is. By my math, it's not even worth using unless you're able to make x=3 (for anything less, you'd be better off just using your clue tokens normally). But he helms a deck thats honestly one of the most fun in my collection! There's a lot of fun cards in there, like the one that makes detectives unblockable, or turns all your clue tokens into equipment, or gives your clues Exalted, and it's really fun to sit down at a table with this guy and see people have no idea what the hell kinda deck its gonna be. My partner plays this deck more than I do, but I cant stop thinking about the time I was sitting at the pod next to them, and I overheard one of their opponents go "Azorius aggro???????" like he couldn't believe what he was seeing. And he was right!!

1. Shilgengar, Sire of Famine

I built this because the art of a demon sitting on a throne of angel wings was the sickest thing I'd ever seen in my life. And it still is.

This is my #1 because this deck is just so... me, back on my bullshit to be honest. Orzhov is far and away my favorite color pair, but thus far most of the typal decks you see in Orzhov are vampires, and tbh I... don't really like vampires. I like vampire-type EFFECTS (draining enemies while healing yourself is the ideal tbh!!) but as a creature type? snore. Sick of seeing vampires in everything, sick of hearing about vampires, and I don't think vampires are sexy because vampires are one of the most culturally thin movie monsters, second only, perhaps, to the Slender Man himself. show me a fat vampire and we'll talk.

Anyway, this is an angels deck, which is way way cooler because I love angels. Big huge lady with a sword who can FLY??? HELLO???? very sick. And its all about sacrificing my own angels to make Blood tokens, and then sacrificing the Blood tokens to get all my angels back from the graveyard. I love an Aristocrats strategy (a deck built around sacrificing your own creatures) because I think its really funny. I show up to a wizard battle with my army of cool angels. I shoot them all myself before you get the chance to. When the dust clears, I have won somehow.

Its funny that, considering that I mostly build decks based on characters I like first and for gameplay reasons second, my most favorite deck of the year is of a character I couldn't care less about lol. Sorry man, I don't care that you invented vampires in Innistrad! I'm busy admiring all the big beautiful sword ladies I put in here. And then pinging everyone to death with Mirkwood Bats. And that's gonna take up pretty much all of my time!!

Overall, I'd say it was a pretty good year for Magic for me!!! I had a lot of fun building these, and I actually started going to my LGS weekly to play. It's been a blast! Can't wait to report back next year to talk about all the fun I've had in 2025!!!!!

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

hi, ari! This is my first time sending u an ask..nervy ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝ what fantasy creatures would different jujutsu kaisen characters ? Like fae, centaurs etc. Dont be hesitant to unleash ur creativity! (˵ •̀ ᴗ - ˵ ) ✧ could I take 🪄 ?

NICE TO MEET YOU 🪄 ANON that’s a great emoji pick…. i approve of your taste >:3 aaaaa and such a fun question too!!!! i’ve thought of this before but this was a great opportunity to make up my mind on it…. i’m on the fence for a lot of these but. hear me out!!

(i thought it’d be fun to just go for all my favorite characters, but i’d love to hear your own takes on some of these/others i didn’t mention 🪄 anon!!)

you said i was allowed to be creative so!! i decided to twist the assignment a bit…. some of these are fantasy creatures, others are more supernatural or mythological!! :3 i hope that’s okay hehe.

with that being said…….

satoru gojo

i’m on the fence between vampire and fae…… literally any kind of fair, pretty creature with a terrifying nature. vampire makes a lot of sense to me — pale and pretty and far too good at convincing you to let him linger near your neck… but there’s something really good abt fae!gojo too. a cute, charming creature who’s actually really horrific. skilled at tricking people. he invites you into the woods with the promise of a good time and before you know it you’re…. wedded to the fairy king? somehow???? no matter the option gojo is pretty chill tbh. not evil, just… mischievous :3 but he’s more than capable of being terrifying when he wants to be.

suguru geto

ANY KIND OF WATER CREATURE!! the one i always end up going back to is näcken…. a water spirit masquerading as a naked man, dutifully playing his violin by the river…. luring unsuspecting locals close so he can drown them <3 just like satoru he’s beautiful and terrifying. i momentarily considered a centaur too. i think that fits him!! centaurs are usually depicted as teacher figures in mythology and that’s just very suguru to me. and ofc i have to mention ghosts because they’re my favorites + suguru literally haunts the narrative of jjk <33 he’s a pretty sad ghost i think… just can’t let go of his grief. it consumes him and seeps into the air no matter where he goes. if you suddenly wake up to a freezing room and the flickering of your bedroom lights, it’s probably suguru.

shoko ieiri

say it with me: WITCHHHHHHH ‼️‼️‼️‼️ this is the highest form of praise btw i LOVE witches they’re my absolute favs (along w ghosts)... and shoko is obviously a witch!! there’s no other option. she’s charming and crafty and i would let her boil me into soup ANY day <333 definitely has a cat…. for the record i do think she’d be a terrifying witch. morally dubious. almost leaning towards a mad scientist type… but she’s usually kind if you treat her with respect <333 sometimes makes flower crowns with the local children. she’s less cordial with adults, though. (if you hear any screams from her cute little cabin late at night, it’s probably best not to mention them <3)

kenjaku

on that note!! here’s a REAL mad scientist <33 i’m on the fence between witch and a frankenstein-esque creature for kenjaku…… as a witch he’s even MORE horrific than shoko. has no morals whatsoever. might invite you over for a nice cup of tea and a chat, but you better not bore him <3 he’s sick and twisted and i like him very much. but i think frankenstein is too fitting not to mention…. he’s both the doctor AND the monster and i think that’s so sexy of him. dr frankenstein was a coward and a bitch but kenjaku is nothing like him!!! he experiments on himself dr jekyll style as he should.

toji fushiguro

werewolf. enough said. he rips people apart w his teeth and looks good doing it!!

nobara kugisaki

dragon!!!! idk why but. my brain tells me it’s the only good choice and i believe it. she’s a dragon girl!!! fiery and wild and brutal. curious and greedy. sleeps on a pile of gold <333 she’s just so cool and fun and i love her so bad…… has a big ol toothy grin and sharp horns and breathes fire………. kidnaps princesses but only to save them from bad situations bc she’s a #feminist and she treats them so well :((( i can imagine a fairy tale au where everyone talks about the cruel dragon who’s been terrorizing villages and castles….. meanwhile the dragon in question is having a tea party w her favorite princesses <333 she’s so cute!!

megumi fushiguro

like father like son <333 by which i mean i can’t pick between werewolf and vampire. i think he’s probably a hybrid? werewolf by nature, vampire by choice?? idkidk i just think it’d be neat if it tied into his backstory and character…. his choice to leave the zenin clan behind and find his own family…. and either option just makes sense. he’s a stoic, pretty vampire but also a wild werewolf…. probably still a polite boy at heart though. doesn’t even bite!!!

mai zenin

MY LOVEEE MY LIGHTTTTT mai is a siren. that’s all. i don’t even need to explain it just makes too much sense??? her beauty and her connection to the sea….. yeah. she’s 100% a lesbian btw that’s canon to me <33 lures men in with her looks and voice so she can drown them but spares the women. she’s that kinda siren (the best one imo!!)… aughhh i just think she has the loveliest silkiest voice and the most beautiful scales :((( sunbathes on rocks…. flashes her sharp teeth at whoever interrupts her……. yeah.

fumihiko takaba

my silly little guy <333 tbh i think takaba is some kind of alien lmao BUT i’m still gna go with ghost :3 a special priviliege from me to him. i also just think it fits him so well…. he’s a funny ghost. but also a sad ghost. contrary to geto he’s completely harmless, just…. can’t seem to let go of his regrets. haunts comedy stages because he misses performing so bad :((( he just wants someone to talk to!!! likes playing pranks on people but they’re always very silly, not dangerous at all. if you ever slip on a banana peel you’re sure wasn’t there just a second ago, it’s probably takaba’s fault <3

[forehead451]

what do you do when you can't keep up or maintain your relationships? like. in an ideal world, you would be 1000% to take them out to lunch and catch up and do something fun every week. but your reality is that you're lucky if you did anything productive for yourself after the rest and the maintenance of life and attending to family obligations and your closest relationships bc you have three friends in a group you can keep up with and even that is difficult but you prioritize them meaning once month you see them. your brain is everywhere and you spend so much of your day tethering it to the present and pulling your body out of a fight/flight/freeze response and you are legit improving but you still aren't making enough money to sustain yourself so really you're not prioritizing your material needs even if it comes with a lot of hurdles.

this is not the first time a friend has reached out to say that ive hurt them with my absence. i don't know what to do or say at this point and i don't want to give excuses or unload my burden and make them comfort me when im the one who let them down and i think about them often but the truth is i have a list of people like 50 who are all personally important to me who I can't keep up with and it feels shitty cause its like im calling them not special. but really atp i have to agree and say yes i abandoned you and you're right to be hurt and mad and sad and its not that i dont want to but i literally can't right now and im working towards being able to but you should absolutely forget me and give up on our relationship bc i cant promise you anything or keep up with you bc im not keeping up with myself. and youre not shitty for understanding my situation and still being mad. im just sorry and i love you and im doing everything i can but the benefit of that will not reach you or our relationship for a long, long time.

[chouchen]

Hi Chouchen,

My message is going to be a bit unusual and tricky to understand, so I recommend getting some hot tea to tame a possible future brain freeze before reading further. My personal favorite is peach tea.

You have been warned.

I saw your art about Diluc surrounded by new friends who are minors. It's cute in many regards.

As to why I am writing, I am open to hearing your thoughts on me disagreeing on your vision of these kinds of friendships.

The long-term downsides to them are:

1. dissociation

2. codependency

3. stagnation of emotional development

This visitor of your blog has tried to recreate the found family trope for years because this one cannot settle for simple hobbies. XD

Non-blood related caregiver-caretaker relationships usually don't work due to:

1. Glorified dissociation, mentioned earlier

2. Blood family curses

3. Insecurity

I thought this information might be interesting for you in case you are fond of the trope as well.

TY for your thoughts and attention!

Hello there !

so i read your message multiple times and i really don't understand what you mean ^^' it puts me in a bad situation

i never researched about the psychological effects of a non-blood related caretaker relationship so i dont really know....

i dont think it really matters in this case, the kids themselves have their own stories and it's shown they're all pretty independent already

this is really just a silly game headcanon, i dont think i want to bring this kind of stuff into something i drew just for fun and because i know people enjoy this hc !

i really just see diluc has some kind of "clumsy with kids big bro", he would just give them cocoa if they knock on his door and fall to his knees if they burn their tongues or smth ヽ(；▽；)ノ

sorry if my response has nothing to do with your message, im just really lost here

[caramelcal]

he could be the one

Request:  Anonymous said:Luke x reader? Julie’s best friend was never suppose to fall for her cute bandmate & lead guitarist. So to get over those feelings she writes a song which she plans to burn however she ends up miss placing the hastily written song only to have it posted up all over school. With students trying to figure out who the mystery writer is & Luke’s new dream girl. Song: He Could be The One by Hannah Montana. Bonus points if they are all super popular & Luke/reader have a very flirty dynamic.

Word Count: 1.35k

a/n: ask and you shall recieve! do i get the bonus points? :) also this song fits luke so well??? and. for. WHAT. i dont know if this was exactly what you wanted but-

Masterlist

Going into the school the next morning, you weren’t expecting the students to be so...excitable. They talked in hushed whispers, smiles on their faces as they gossip, no doubt about some party that went on at the weekend. You rack your mind, trying to think if Carrie threw another party but your mind comes up empty. However, that doesn’t alarm you one bit, at least, not until you saw something in one of the student’s hands.

A piece of paper, that looks oddly familiar. It had a few doodles on it, and words with some scribbles and such. Again, you try your best to shrug it off, thinking that it wasn’t important. Yet, as you turn the corner onto the corridor that holds your locker you see more of these sheets, the same doodles, like printed versions. Then your eyes catch onto the one that’s pinned up against the notice board to your right.

Eyes going wide, you freeze in your place in horror, eyes going over the words and suddenly everything becomes clear. Your hand reaches for your bag, where you knew that you had put that very piece of paper in and you see the zip is open. Hands scavenge for the paper but they come up empty. Crap.

The thing the students were gossiping about had nothing to do with a party, or a recent student breakup, or anything of the sort. No, it was to do with a song you wrote. A song you wrote that confessed your love for Luke. Thankfully, you weren’t dumb enough to put your name on the sheet, but this only caused more gossip as the students tried to figure out who wrote it. And who had feelings for the most popular guy in school.

“Hey, darling,” Luke says, sliding against the locker next to you, leaving you to jump and your head to spin around to look at him. It was almost as if you snapped back into reality because honestly, you didn’t remember getting to your locker. Luke looked confused as he looked around at the students, to see them staring at him then whispering, but as he looked back at you, your wide eyes trained on him, he decided to ask, “Hey, is everything okay?”

“I-I have to go,” You didn’t spare Luke any details as you closed your locker, heaving your backpack over your shoulder and turning around to go to class. Your mind was racing as well as your heart, they would find out eventually. Everyone would, and you wouldn’t be spared the embarrassment about it.

“I bet it was Milly-Jane, she always stares at him creepily, I wouldn’t be surprised if she was obsessed enough to make up a song about him,” Someone said, making you discretely look at her to see the wide eyes and smile, one that all of the people seemed to share when they gossiped. Gossiping made you feel sick.

“I heard it was Allison. She’s weird so I wouldn’t be surprised,” This guy spoke, laughing condescendingly as he looked over in the girl, Allison’s, direction. They were making fun of her, for something she didn’t even do.

Is this what everyone was going to do when they found it was you that wrote it? Make fun of you? How could you be so dumb to let it get out in the first place? Luke was one of your closest friends and he was Julie, your best friend’s bandmate. You should never have caught feelings and you certainly shouldn’t have written the song. You felt like kicking yourself.

“Y/n!” Julie called out, grabbing your attention as she ran to catch up with you, walking alongside you as you made your way down the corridor. You give her a small, wavering smile but as she looks at you, you know that she knows, “I saw the song. You have feelings for Luke don’t you?”

Thankfully, she spoke quietly so that no one else could hear you. You both stopped walking, tucking yourselves into a small part of the music corridor which was surprisingly quiet. Afraid of speaking, you hesitantly nod your head.

“Oh y/n/n,” She tries to hide it but you hear the sympathy in Julie’s voice and suddenly everything starts to become real. The feelings, the predicament. Your group was popular and with Luke being the most popular guy in school people were not going to drop the song, “Not to freak you out y/n/n but everyone’s talking about it- he’s going to find out.”

“I know, Jules! You gotta help me,” You were unable to keep the desperate tone out of your voice as you look at your best friend, eyes hopeless.

“What do you need help with, darling?” His smooth voice calls out, and suddenly the worst day of your life becomes even worse. You look at Julie’s wide eyes and your stomach drops. He was here, right now. You weren’t escaping it.

You don’t meet Luke’s eyes as you speak, your voice dangerously quiet that you’re surprised he even hears you, “I don’t need any help.”

“O-kay then, well at least let me walk with you to our first class. It starts in a few minutes,” Luke offers, putting a hand out for you to grab. You go to refuse, knowing that the awkwardness and embarrassment will only double if you walk to class with him like you usually do as Julie indiscreetly kicks you, grabbing your attention. Her expression tells you everything you need to know; she wants you to go with him.

And somehow, it convinces you, and moments later you’re walking down the halls with Luke by your side. Your eyes dart around the corridors, seeing the stares of all the other students. You're normally used to them, but these? These are different. They’re hungry for the truth, trying to get information from their newest point of gossip; Luke. Yet, he pretends they aren’t even there.

It doesn’t take long for your eyes to catch on to the piece of paper he’s holding out to you and you feel your throat close up. A copy of your song, “O-oh what’s that?”

He glances over at you as he opens up the folded piece of paper before reading what’s written there, “ Smooth talkin', so rockin' He's got everything that a girl's wantin' Guitar cutie, he plays it groovy And I can't keep myself from doin' somethin' stupid Think I'm really fallin' for his smile Get butterflies when he says my name “

“A song?” You try to act clueless but you’re pretty sure Luke sees straight through your act as he sends a small smile at you, folding the paper back over.

“It’s about me, everyone thinks,” Luke informs you, as you nod your head, almost as if you were intrigued. In reality, your stomach is filled with nerves that feel like they’re going to explode, your fingers fidgeting endlessly with the sleeves of your sweater, “I was hoping you could tell me. Considering you wrote it, yeah?”

You stop in your tracks and Luke stops too, noticing you were no longer walking alongside him. He peers back at you and tears threaten to fall from your eyes but you refuse to cry in front of these people; your peers. You open your mouth as you rack your brain for what to say. A way to redeem yourself so that you don’t lose Luke as a friend despite him knowing your feelings, “L-Luke, I-”

Luke walks closer to you until he stands right in front of you whilst you stare down at your shoes, oblivious to him being there. He uses his hand to softly guide your chin up to look at him, e/c eyes catching onto his hazel. You stare into his eyes, the loss of words becoming even more apparent until he leans down.

Luke’s lips connect with yours and whispers erupt in the hallways, the people who were staring becoming shocked but they don’t matter, not at this moment. Because you have Luke now. And that was all you had wanted since you met.

[whoopsalittlewhumpy]

My poor sleep deprived brain just wont let this go. It isnt new but here we go.

The whumpees who are rescued and they make progress, they’ve reconditioned themselves with the help of their team to try to move past Whumper and what they wanted them to be. Whumper recaptures Whumpee and their Team™. Maybe Team isnt really on the ins with Whumper. Perhaps they just took Whumpee in when things went sour.

“Mmm I’ve missed you, you know. It’s not the same without someone following my whims without question. Can’t even give Sidekick that one, can we?’

Whumpee freezes and shudders. The team holds a collective breath.

“Why dont you come over here and give me a hand hmm? Have some fun with your friends. I’m sure they won’t mind.”

Whumpee follows Whumper along to the Table of Torture™ (aka all the fun torture toys) and Whumper gives them an ultimatum. If Whumpee helps hurt their friends it wont be so bad for them. The team is preparing themselves, already making peace with what they know Whumpee will choose. They saw the aftermath and can only guess as to what went on with Whumper.

When Whumpee agrees, Team is neither surprised or hurt. Gearing up for trying to get Whumpee and themselves out of this alive. What nobody anticipates is Whumpee and the glint in their eye. When Whumper lets their guard down, certain they’ve won, Whumpee strikes hard and fast, Whumper didn’t even stand a chance.

Whumpee and Team make it out of the ordeal mostly shaken up and shocked with Whumpee; maybe even a bit apprehensive. When Team asks Whumpee what that was about, Whumpee just shrugs and explains that Team showed them what it really meant to be loved and what caring about people meant and they weren’t ever gonna let Whumper take it away now that they had it. Whumpee builds a hulk like reputation. Dont mess with their people, it wont ever end well.

[my-writings-and-musings]

henlo, i hope this one makes sense, but how about mtmte drift, rodimus and brainstorm (or at least just drift if thats too many!) with a human s/o (gender neutral pls!) who after hearing a compliment from their bots about them, the s/o's kneejerk reaction to to kinda laugh and say "u dont mean that" bc theyre so unused to genuine compliments? thank u so much!!!

It does make sense and it is extremely relatable so here comes some AFFIRMATIONS

Drift

"I love your eyes, have I told you that?"

You stopped, baffled, as soon the ninja bot's praise registered. Though his expression was certainly lovestruck enough to back up his words, the automatic response within you was starting up before you had broken out into a full blush. Your laugh was mechanical as you playfully waved a hand at his compliment.

"What's there to love about my eyes?"

Drift actually went quiet at your words and tilted his helm, expression going from confused to concerned before he spoke again. There was nothing but sincerity in his voice. "Everything, Y/N. You have the most brilliant and gentle gaze..."

"Oh, I really don't know about that." you replied again, still going on reflex at his kind but baffling words. Praise was not something you knew how to handle, so brushing it off just felt more comfortable. His reaction was a confusing first to this strategy. Why did he seem so worried about your dismissal? Surely he was just playing, words like his were never directed your way seriously. Yet he didn't seem to be at all teasing as he frowned in concern, leaning forward on the desk to be closer to you.

"I don't know how to make this any clearer, but please know I'm trying to convey as much truth as possible in my aura; I adore everything about you, including your eyes. I mean that with every part of my being."

The intensity of his words distracted you so thoroughly you didn't even realize he'd taken your tiny hands into his, gently resting your palms between two careful digits as he looked to you with the earnestness of someone swearing an oath.

"I..." you gasped, unable to find any words. What were you supposed to say to this? No one had ever said anything in such a way to you before, and believing he meant it just... didn't compute? Standing in a kind of broken silence was your only reply.

Understanding as ever, Drift smiled, softly and reassuringly. "You're not used to compliments yet, that's okay."

For some reason you teared up, but more due to some emotional blockage being cleared than anything else. Nodding, you tried not to think on how few memories you had of receiving kind words. There was next to nothing you could recall. Ever the supportive one, Drift placed a tiny kiss on your forehead, whispering as he did so. Warmth filled your heart at the comfort he brought with so simple an action, and for the first time you actually believed what he had to say.

"We'll fix that in time, I promise."

Rodimus

"You have the cutest smile, seriously."

Sitting atop the chest of the lounging captain, your laugh at his joke was cut short by the unexpected praise, and on instinct you worked to steer back to levity. A hand on the back of your neck helped you think through the flustered fog.

"Ha, of course! Whatever you say!" you replied haltingly, adjusting fake problems with your hair to have something else to focus on. Unlike always, the fun loving bot chose that moment to be serious. Frowning softly, he looked down at you as you remained awkwardly seated on his chest, and you couldn't bring yourself not to look at his big blue optics. There was so much concern in those striking blue depths.

"Hey, I know I joke around a lot, but I mean everything I say about loving you." he said softly, a hand looping about your back to keep you sitting up. Blinking in thought, you felt your mind hit a kind of wall. There was just no reconciling what he said with what you knew you be true. There was nothing to love about how you smiled.

"I... I wouldn't know..." you mumbled awkwardly, not knowing what to do and more or less freezing up. Compliments were just... hard. What were you supposed to do with them? How could a bot who'd seen so much think so highly of you? The uncertainty of those thoughts frightened you, and your hands began to knead of their own accord.

"Should I show you?" Rodimus asked suddenly, getting energized in the way he did when he wanted to prove something. There was no time to ask for clarification before you were being pulled in for a kiss. Two hands cupped your back as he smooched your head with overdramatic noises, followed by a number of tiny pecks along your upper forehead. The action was so ridiculous you could only laugh. Rodimus continued until you were snorting at the silliness of it all, and only then did he pull back with a triumphant grin.

"There it is, best smile on the ship..." he said softly, brushing a finger over your squishy cheeks as he did so. The warmth of his physical affection didn't fade this time, and you found yourself holding the digit close as you left a kiss on the tip. He melted in an instant at the contact, taking on a far off dreamy look that made it clear he adored you. There was no denying this mech meant every sweet word he directed your way, and despite a long history of doubting yourself, knowing that made it hard to feel you weren't worth something.

Brainstorm

"I can always count on you for the best feedback!"

Watching the scientist dangle from his rig, you found yourself pausing at his reply to your advice, enough so that you didn't have a response of your own until you saw him coming down. Brainstorm had asked if his new experimental weapon appeared functional from your angle on the bench, and all you'd done was say it looked to be especially curious from below. There was no way he'd actually found that helpful, so obviously he must have been joking.

"Of course, you couldn't do it without me." you said sarcastically, watching as the inventor righted himself and his weapon of still indeterminate use. Two bright optics affixed to you and made it clear a determined but obvious smile was hidden behind his mask.

"I couldn't! Of course it looks curious from the bottom; I didn't design it with zero gravity conditions in mind!" he said emphatically, placing the gun down beside you in order to work on it. His comment absolutely baffled you. Was he being serious? All you'd done was say the first thing that came to mind, and there wasn't much useful in that to a bot that restructured reality when it suited his needs.

"You would have figured that out without me." you said on your own, trying to close up the confusing little predicament. Unfortunately Brainstorm tilted his head at your comment, signaling it wasn't done but at least sounding like he wasn't at all frustrated when he replied.

"I don't think so. I couldn't exactly see myself from below, could I? You have a way of figuring out exactly what I need to hear." he said plainly, optics briefly squishing upwards in another smile as he did so. When you were too baffled to reply, he shifted to an expression of more obvious worry, putting his project aside to face you entirely. "I mean that, Y/N. I really feel like you say just what it takes to get me on track. You inspire me."

At those words your brain briefly turned to static. What was it you could possibly do to inspire him? There was nothing about you especially motivating, yet he looked too serious to be joking, so you had no clue how to reply. For the sake of your sanity you only smiled and waved a hand.

"Just... just doing what I do... Nothing special-"

"Y/N..." he interrupted gently, looking at you with the big tender optics that melted your heart every time. You weren't at all prepared for him to unlatch his mask, removing it from his lower face to reveal his full soft expression. Full lips frowned in concern as he lowered his helm to speak on your level. "I really like having you around. You know that, right?"

For reasons you didn't understand you were near to crying, and couldn't speak without the risk of shedding tears. Your partner gently lifted your chin with a digit, and on reflex you laid a hand on the tip of his finger, squeezing it for reasurance. Why was this so hard? Did most people struggle to accept when nice things were said about themselves?

A tender kiss on the back of your hand helped to clear your mind a bit. Looking back up at the sweet expression looking down at you, the love in his every minute feature as day, you admittedly felt a little better. Perhaps with time you could really believe someone so wonderful when they sang your praises, and by his expression you knew he'd endeavor to do just that.

[ji-yaaan]

Jessamine-rose asked:

Ohh hiiii!! I really loved your leona fic, it was so soft!! X3 may i request idia and jamil seeing their short mc wearing their hoodies?? Headcanon or one-shot whatwver you are more comfortable with!! I would like to request a but of spice as well if you dont mind.

𝐖𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐫 𝐇𝐨𝐨𝐝𝐢𝐞𝐬♡

Headcanons with: Idia, Jamil, Kalim, Jack

Note: Yo this idea is so cute I'm melting as I write this- this scenario is just wholesome and I won't forgive myself if I sully this wholesomeness... Oh but Jamil however- ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Oh btw I added in some characters I can imagine with this secnario lol. Ok on to the headcanons!

And yes... I reposted this cuz tumblr hates me and won't let me use the tags... I don't stay up til 5am for nothing bro-

°•°•°•°•°•𝑰𝒅𝒊𝒂 𝑺𝒉𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒅•°•°•°•°•

After 8 rounds of Mario kart Idia destroying you 8 times lol cuddled up in the blankets as the both of you crush your consoles attempting to win a round.

It's getting pretty late, but game time is holy for the both of you, so both of you gotta make time to schedule the most awaited activity of the day! GAME TIME~

But after a long day of brain damage at school *cough braincell squad cough* anyone is bound to get exhausted. Taking a break from the game, Idia takes off his jacket and nyooms away to the kitchen to get some chips and soda for you two.

"Potato chips? check~ Soda? check~" Idia smiles as he excitedly makes his way into his room to crush you at the game again.

Oh my what's this? He found a rare treasure lying in his room!!! Quick! What does he do now??? OH MY GOD! You were sleeping... BUT YOU WERE WEARING HIS HOODIE! What is this cuteness? What is this ultra uwu energy? What is this fluff doing here? That's it! Idia has now died of uwu. Respawn later...

While Idia was holding his bags of chips and cola, he can't help but blush at how cute you were! You looks sooooo smol in his jacket- congrats you stole Idia's heart.♡♡♡

I'd say Idia's greatest weakness is cute stuff and small things. So you looking so smol in his jackets is just going to give him heart combulsions.

Idia will probably crouch in the floor to stare at your sleeping face. He'd sit right next to you and stare at you for a while. "Hehe..." Linking his arms with yours as he playfully pokes your cheeks.

He'd rest his head on your shoulder still blushy wushy cuz you're just sooo adorbs♡ "Games can wait for tommorow.."

•°•°•°•°•°•𝑱𝒂𝒎𝒊𝒍 𝑽𝒊𝒑𝒆𝒓•°•°•°•°•°

Like the usual, the Scarabia dorms is up for a party 24/7 because of the happy go lucky kalim. Jamil is still pissed like the usual too...

While kalim was performing his thing entertaining the guest... A wild Jamil appeared! Care to send love??? Jamil makes his way to you, so he can finally chill and recharge from chaos with a powerhug. But as he was just inches away from from you... Dammit someone just have to ruin his moment.

"WAHHHH! Y/N! OH NO I'M SO SORRY!" Some idiots just have to ruin his time with you... Drinks spilt in your top, leaking wet from the juice that spilt on you.

Jamil will just sigh and volunteer to take care of another problem yet again, just like the usual. BUT! Before he takes care of those stuff PRIORITY FIRST! You need to be taken care of first ;>

Jamil will drag you in an empty room to change... now all thats left is to change in clean and dry clothes- Wait....Wow just the luck you both have... No one got spare clothes... what now?

Of course Jamil will offer his hoodie! He can't have you walking around uncomfortable in damp clothing!

When you walk out of the room... Cute... What is this cute creature? Since you are small and short, Jamil's hoodie is oversized on you. The sleeves go way past your fingers, and the big jacket makes you look even smaller in general.

Jamil's having a lowkey midlife crisis inside his head, but gotta keep looking chill and cool, so he just settles with a pinch on the cheek.

HOWEVER! When you go back to the party in the banquet halls. Everyone seeing you will comment how tinier you look like in a big hoodie. Everyone is just going ballistic with the smol and cute comments. Jamil is not happy about this.

As people are making cute comments about you. You'll just blush and freeze on the spot. BUT JAMIL HOWEVER... SNEK BOI IS BURNING WITH RAGE AND JEALOUSY... I mean... That's his hoodie you were wearing. Are they blind? Should he hypnotize people to do stupid things later?

After the party... Oho ಠ ͜ʖ ಠ with Jamil going jealous a little while ago... He'll hug you tighter this time, his chin resting in your head. "Don't look cute in front of other people... I'm the only one you're allowed to look cute for."

Expect markings here and there in the morning... Take this sentence however you like...

•°•°•°•°•𝑲𝒂𝒍𝒊𝒎 𝑨𝒍 𝑨𝒔𝒊𝒎•°•°•°•°•

Midnight trip in the clouds with your local sunshine boi! Riding the magic carpet with kalim is one of the most magical experience! Moonbathing with the stars WHILE YOU SIT BESIDE A LITERAL STAR LIKE KALIM TOO! as kalim cheerfully tells fun stories while laughing.

But of course the night today was kinda chilly and cold but you forgot to bring your sweater with you... Dammit it was really cold today. But somehow seeing kalim smile warms you up! I can't blame you though-.

When a really cold wind blew past the two of you... THAT'S IT! IT WAS REALLY COLD TODAY! You shivered while you held unto your arms and shoulders in attempts to keep yourself warm.

Of course Kalim notices this and offers his cardigan in uwu style! "Oh? Y/n are you cold? Oh! If you want, you can use my cardigan! Hehe..." Kalim brightly smiles like the usual. A blinding smile to keep the sleep paralysis demons away.

Frankly, Kalim is not that big, but his jacket still drooped on you which was very cute in Kalim's eyes!

"Y/n you look so small~ how cute!!" Kalim just casually blurts out, no embarrassment or whatsoever...

Of course it's a bit embarrassing for you at first, but Kalim's too pure and innocent for this world, so it's mainly just rainbows and sunshine being with him.

While the both of you are up in the air, maybe he'll offer a hug too if you're still cold. ಠ ͜ʖ ಠ it wouldn't be a sin to decline right?

•°•°•°•°•°•𝑱𝒂𝒄𝒌 𝑯𝒐𝒘𝒍•°•°•°•°•°•

As the both of you are walking home, casually strolling in the roads that leads to the ramshackle dorm, this night was especially chilly.

The cold breeze was not cooperating this time as it continues to blow past the two of you. "Brrrr" this was cold... this was really cold... It was stupid not to bring your jacket with you when it's autumn near winter...

Jack was not blind to not see you shivering from the cold! Because jack is a good boye, he'll lend you his Jacket!!!

Seeing you look so smol in his jacket just melts his heart away. It literally looks like a blanket on you with how big it was. I MEAN THIS BOY IS LITERALLY WHOOPING 192CM TALL! GIVE ME UR HEIGHT

He'll just stare at you for minutes while you take walks, if you look close enough, you see his tail wagging and his ear perking up... Maybe a little blush too if you really look close ಠ◡ಠ

But a jacket can only do so much... Even if it was big and warm, your hands were somehow still cold seeing as you rub them every few minutes...

Good boye Jack offers to hold your hands!!! Would you like to accept this kind offer? ∆Yes ✓Yes!

When Jack holds your hands, JACK WAS A HEATER ALL ALONG? Big warm hands.... How comfortable... ;v;

Maybe along the way, he'll put your tiny hands in his pocket too... Who knows... But what you know is that you don't want to go home yet. Can the both of you extend this hand holding session?

Bruh...... tumblr won’t let me use the tags and properly post this... sigh.......

That's about it! I added Kalim and Jack to quench my thirst! And indulge in personal interests Again.. thankz for the request! And I hope you enjoyed this! ಠωಠ sending love before you read the next post under this♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡ 

[lunar-lair]

ok say hello to my insanely new oc who ive made entirely to be a villain who is still an excellent adult and a decent parent, probably. cares too much abt kids. think reigen mob psycho with a drop or two of milla. worked under Nick From The Mailroom and was actually in on his scheme.

has always been rather cold and brash towards adults, but is more caring towards kids. in my brain he has a brooklyn type accent? rough and tumble, walks around without a tie, yknow? they keep him cause he sorts mail real good, though.

(added a read more because this got INSANELY LONG AKSKSK i spent like an hr on this h)

he was a delugeionist, but only because he kinda just wanted to rip the world apart a little; lysandre vibes, thinks a lot of it is scum and needs to go. thinks the *psychonauts* are scum and need to go. hes psychic but suppressed it, think aquato parents but extra toxic about it, and straight up just saying being psychic is unnatural. wouldnt go to loboto parent lengths tho. so he adopted that thought of 'being psychic is unnatural and wrong', which contributed to a lot of self hate that was never learned out. likely, he realizes hes a shitty person and thinks he needs to go too. so like...yknow hank, dbh? kinda the vibe im gettin right now. way more formal, of course, and while usually gruff, is more polite when its needed; can and *will* beat the shit out of you verbally in a factual way, though, and can talk more street-lingo if hes talkin to real thugs. (probably winged it on his own after failing college or smth, hes got the vibes.)

anyways, its this plot where he slinks off and starts planting mistrust in the psychonauts or something. and inevitably he just...shows up and starts kidnapping people. dismantling things from the inside and all that. he left and formed a group who also hated psychics at some point, likely friends of his parents and friends of friends, all from his hometown. all of them fight *insanely* dirty, and a lot of them are insanely vulgar. the kids are supposed to be kept away.

but theres a line to follow here.

this man is a fold to raz. hates the psychonauts, hates being psychic, adopted his parent's hate of psychics, hates the *world.* raz is young and unburdened and unjaded...mostly. hes not the shock of water some young characters can be when it comes to being the foils of other characters; think steven with a villain or something, right? but raz is sassy and a little jaded, and not total sunshine positivity.

hes a child this man could look down on and not be immediately annoyed by, who is worried by yet respects raz's realization of the world as it is, however little that is.

and yet raz is still his foil. he still mostly loves the psychonauts, despite it all, he loves being psychic, for the most part, he dodged adopting his parents previous values, he still seems to have an even view of the world as a whole.

raz is jaded, if only a little, but he moved past it and accepted that things could still be bright. this man is jaded, but he stayed in his stormclouds, never looked for the sun.

ok where. was i. RIGHT ok so. at the beginning of this...story? the man finds raz being talked down to by one of the office workers; someone with weak psychic powers whos insanely jealous of his prowess. an adult who envies the young prodigy. and theyre giving him some insane task to do, like cleaning all of the closets within the hour, but hes saved the world twice, so he smiles and nods along, because he said he would help around the motherlobe, and this adult is asking him to do something that seems simple enough.

and this guy, internally, goes 'bitch.' for a good long second bc 1. dude even if you envy a kid, kinda fucked to show that?? not their fault 2. WHY are you asking a 10 year old to do that. why is there a 10 year old here. holy shit thats a 10 year old oh my god hes so tiny (no one told him there was a 10 year old because they knew hed stomp right up to management but. regardless. he is going to stomp up to management after this and no one can really stop him. except maybe raz well see)

so yknow. dude fixes his slight slouch and walks forward and politely tells this woman that 1. hes 10 why are you jealous of him and 2. hes 10????????? and shes like shit hes 10. and apologizes. and walks away

and raz is VERY ?? bc she was doing what? why is him being 10 important? and its that young part of you that gets pissed when people try to keep you from doing things because youre young and hes DEFINITELY yet to learn that piling responsibilites that should be handled by adults onto a child is fucked up in its own special way (looking at you ford, *nick*)

and the dude calmly explains because yea. he gets that. and he still sounds gruff and a little peeved but he squats down to razs height and he talks simply and factually, telling him straight on why it isnt right.

and. huh. people dont really do that for raz. except for sasha, sometimes, everyone likes to dodge the truth a lot with him, because hes 10, and sometimes, hes too nice to tug it out of them.

and this guy, this man that raz is already polishing a trophy for 'good adulting' in the back of his brain with his striking statements about how adults should handle things and kids should-kids should...get to have fun. not be traumatized.

for the shock on his face when raz said hed already saved the world a couple times, whats some closets. he reigned it in, said that its weird he saved the world, because thats usually their jobs.

and this guy offers his hand on instict before he stands up, even though he doesnt seem very sweet and kind like the adults that usually offer raz a hand. and he takes it, i think. he takes it.

warm. warm, a little nice.

reminds raz of his dad, maybe. he wonders if this man has any kids himself, but keeps his mouth shut, because he thinks he already has the answer, and its yes.

(he doesnt have any. he would wish he did, but he knows hed fail to raise them right.)

and when he stands, he asks raz what he was asking that woman for, and he says hes doing tasks around the motherlobe because his papers are still coming in. the man doesnt ask. (he knows what 'papers' means, realizes this is the tiny junior psychonaut every room in the damn place has been buzzing about, and he has fucking words for forsythe.) he just offers for the kid to sort mail under his supervision.

and that sounds boring. at least, it usually would.

this man is interesting, and a good...person? a good adult? hes...hes new. hes new, and calm, and a little like sasha but a lot not, and he thinks he trusts him.

so raz grins and says yea, mail sorting sounds nice.

(debatably, raz does not take his hand. hes too jaded when it comes to adults. debatably, he does not feel any warmth from this man who has taught him every adult has been telling him wrong. debatably, im projecting. but thats the whole point of ocs, hm?)

and then holes crop up in motherlobe systems. people are kidnapped.

raz keeps seeing the strange man, keeps telling him things, keeps hearing back, gruff and factual and a little annoyed, but raz can almost-just-barely tell its not at him, with the way he talks.

he can tell. he can tell.

he can never tell. this man is making sure he can tell.

raz trusts the man, is still polishing that trophy for 'best adulting' he has settling in the back of his mind.

and then the man comes with a militia.

he did not seem jaded. he did not seem hateful. he never showed any anger or hate towards raz.

but thats because he knows kids dont deserve it.

an excellent moral or two. a rotten, broken heart.

and at first, they keep the kids away, because these people fight dirty, because this isnt their battle, because the man has been sending emails about why 15 year olds are in a secret psychic agency.

(he does not mention raz. by razs second visit, he had just marked the boy down as another reason to hate the psychonauts as a whole, and especially its higher ups.

hes also regretting his alliance to nick by about the third. if he had known the man would puppet a child as if they were a toy, he would have organized his own rebellion ages ago.)

but eventually, the psychonauts need all hands on deck.

they send the children to find the missing agents.

the interns are fought on the way. some of them avoid the child, know the boss would pummel them.

they get to the base, and the strange man, the one with the broken trophy for 'best adult' (still barely-polished, because hes still so sure) still nestled in the back of razs brain, is still there.

the junior psychonauts are spotted. one of the guards throws a few rocks aimlessly.

they surprise them. one almost hits raz.

its intercepted instead.

and the other junior psychonauts watch as this man, their enemy, a villain, in their eyes, reprimands the other man for even accidentally daring, for even trying. for doing something they might have done just a month or so ago, if they had decided he was too much weirder than they already had.

and he yells something like, "Why the hell is he even here?! This is an enemy base, of whats a rebellion! This is a *10 year old*! What kind of adult sends a child *near* something like that?!" and he truly sounds angry this time, raz finds. hes too angry to keep it in. he still sounds gruff and oddly proper. raz is standing there, arms hanging. hes baffled in a specific way, the way he was every time the man's brow furrowed when he mentioned a harrowing story, the way he was the first day they met.

and he asks, a little quiet, a little small, a reminder of how young he really is, "Why are you still trying to keep me safe? We're supposed to be enemies now."

And his brow furrows further before flattening out, and he tilts onto one leg, and he swears he almost kneels to a knee.

He cant believe it. He really cant.

"You're 10." he says simply, softly, that factual way. "You shouldn't even be here."

and raz pauses. the interns freeze.

"...well, here I am."

and i think...it would be so intriguing if this was done halfway out of the mind, because this man is so against anything psychic. it would be so *compelling.*

so raz steps forward and asks again, asks why hes doing this.

and the mans eyes harden, he tries to turn off that soft heart, trying to remind himself of all that he hates. because he hates the psychonauts, because he sort of hates the world.

and raz asks why he could ever hate the psychonauts, head tilted, before listing off the few he knows to be true. but other than that, how? and ok, the world sucks a little, yea, hes seen that, gets that.

and he appreciates that this kid isnt totally gung ho about existence.

but he hates that he isnt, too.

and its this back and forth. everything the man hates, why he hates it. raz saying why its good but admitting why its bad.

and hes swayed, just a little.

but the man stands up from the kneel hed inevitably instinctively put himself into, and walks forward, hand held out yet again.

"You shouldn't be in the Psychonauts," he tells him, soft, factual, brow furrowed. "Come with me. I'll bring you back to your parents, or wherever it is you want to go."

raz contemplates. thinks, for a long moment.

he grabs the mans hand, warm and firm, yet again, for a terrifying moment.

before he reaches up to slap a mental door on his forehead, and astral projects into it.

he thinks this man is good. thinks hes just jaded.

thinks hes the best adult hes ever met, one who just happens to hate a lot of things.

hes only 10.

hes not letting someone who can tell him so clearly whats wrong and right for adults to tell him go that easily.

aaaand yknow. raz does his razzy thing. learns about why the guy hates the world and the psychonauts and himself. helps him learn that its not all bad, that he was excellent to raz, and still is, that things can be bad and good all at once.

the man concedes that raz is very capable, very smart, and can do a lot. but that doesnt mean he should have to.

raz tells him, though, that he likes working for the psychonauts. its his dream. and he realizes some things he was told to do were kinda screwed up, now. that maybe, in honesty, he was dealt a bad hand.

but hes done what he can with that hand, and he ended up with a royal flush.

and uh! yknow!! then raz leaves his mind and he calls off the rebellion! its like a rhombus of ruin type adventure, except without the villain being present beforehand. its just not clustered in insanely close with a ton of other wild shit.

anyways this got really long? sorry?? its an oc i just saw good adult and slight father vibe potential in the vibe i instantly got on him and then i went feral???? rip maybe someone will read this and if you did. congrats i honestly really liked how the whole foil and good-yet-bad and consideration of raz being 10 thing worked out. this oc is almost like our representative in the psychonauts world the way reigen is for the audience in mp100. yea :) i match them up a lot but thats just cause they vibe a lot. anyways its 1:40 am now and i spent abt an hour on this hope it vibed mildly byeeee

[virtual-luvr]

˗ˏˋMary, Midari, and Runa with an s/o who is a ghostˎˊ˗

Pronouns: gender neutral; they/them

Warnings: cussing. mentions of death, murder, suicide and a g>n-

Note: request by @massivewolfpandaknight thank you so much i love writing for kakegurui especially these girls!! Also marys is longer then all the other ones sorry😔 i tried to have more fun with this request too so i hope its still good :(

-----------

Mary Saotome

First off, you met because of Yumeko

She was dragging you all over the school and at one point it was pissing you off so much you just decided to work your ~ghostly~ magic and get out of her grip

As shes lecturing you on acting normal, you're just staring at her with a black expression

"I dont see the problem"

"The problem is that we dont want everyone knowing your DEAD" she says ending her sentence with a sinister smile

It lowkey creeped you out

So you let out a sigh and give her a, "fine but dont drag me around like you did at our old school"

You actually died at the old school you used to go but you didn't have to stick at the school, you could go where ever

There weren't any boundaries lets say

So when Yumeko moved schools she dragged you with her and here you were now, pretending like you were still alive and not dead at all~

While you both were in deep conversation Mary came barging in asking "who in the hell is this bitch"

Sighing at her rude attitude you flick her forehead, your cold finger almost giving her a brain freeze and she stood in shock for a second.

"Who do you think you are" she says crossing her arms

What were you supposed to say to that, "a ghost???"

You mimic her actions and words in a high pitch voice

Yeah your relationship didn't start on the right foot

But hey after that whole meeting, you and Mary spent quite a long time together

Even though you fought a few times since her ego was so massive at the start of your relationship

But after a while she started opening up to you more and being nicer

Even going as far to be more affectionate to you and Yumeko noticed fast

Seeing as you were, very, oblivious

And didn't think anybody wanted to date you because you're a ghost, you thought nothing over her new actions towards you

At one point Yumeko just grabs you, brings you into a room, and tells you the truth

"Mary likes you, are you stupid? Oblivious or something? Go get her"

And as soon as you were in the room, you were out

As you stumbled out the door, Yumeko walking out calmly after you, Mary finds you

She looks between you and Yumeko, rasing her brow

Before leaving Yumeko says "no, nothing happened" winking at Mary and running away

You're still lowkey shocked at what Yumeko said

If you were alive, you'd probobly be blushing right now

"Heyyy Mary"

"What was that all about?" She asks, her cheeks puffed up a tiny bit

"Oh, it was nothing we were just talking"

"Didn't seem like just talking.." She mutters under her breath but you caught it

"Are you jealous??" You snicker out, getting closer to Mary step by step

As you walk closer and closer you basically have her pinned to the wall, blushing she just looks away from you

You smirk and give her a cheek a peck

She looks back with a shocked look on her face before giving you a smirk too

"Idiot, you missed"

Y'all kiss after that-

Honestly, she really doesent care that you're, dead-

She really likes when you pat her head or scratch her scalp since your fingers are cold

Flicking her forehead actually became a habit too-

You also have scheduled gambles and she gets mad at you if you say no sometimes

Midari Ikishima

To be honest, at first you wanted nothing to do with Midari

But she just kept on talking to you and annoying you

And even though the memory is blurry and hazy somewhere in between begging you to gamble with her and her being by your side twenty four seven

You started to get less annoyed by her

In the midst of starting a friendship with that girl you told her you were actually

And when you saw that glint in her eyes you got w o r r i e d

She almost tried to commit not alive on the spot

You screamed

Your reflexes were good enough and you took the g>n out of her hands

You tried to push her away but she fell on top of you in the process

Knowing her you knew she was going to say something that will not do good for you

So you panic and accidently go through the floor

You can hear her hit the floor even through the thick floor, it made you laugh but you wont tell her that

When you go back into the room shes actually knocked out

Did she really hit the floor that hard-

Either way you grab her unconscious body and take care of her until shes back on her feet

For once in your (after) "life" you see Midari calm

It was a very weird sight

She made you gamble with her once too

Never again.

You somehow one and she got too excited waiting for whatever punishment was going to happen next, she was on top of you at one point

You've also caught her in...compromising positions and you've ran out of that situation as fast as you could

She dreams of the day she can actually get you alone without you running away

It happened once, and that was the day you guys actually got together

She cornered you and you forgot all about your ghostly abilities for once

She pushes up to you and puts her face right in front of your face

"Why do you panic so much"

..what in the hell-

Since she's only met with your silence and your eyes aren't even meeting hers she gets a little impatient

She bonks you on the head with her g>n, not very lightly may i add

And as you open your mouth to protest she takes this opportunity to kiss you. After all shes been crushing on you for so long, not like you noticed though

You thought she chased everyone around

Im not going to act like the kiss went too smoothly, your teeth crashed with hers before you pulled away to give her an actual kiss

You grab her chin and give her a proper kiss this time, her g>n making a soft thud when it fell on the ground but you didn't pay much mind to it

After that she tries to kiss you as much as possible, sometimes more then kissing even when there are people around

Shes like one of those kids you have to put the animal backpack leashes, yeah you always need to check up on her before she does a disaster

When you joke about it she doesn't take it as a joke

So next time you see her at school with a leash in her hands you run away immediately

Runa Yomozuki

You guys met when she caught you trying to watch a gambling fight and didn't recognize you as a student there.

You guys met eyes and you just sat there like, "...hi :D"

She immediately starts questioning you, lollipop still in her mouth and you could barely understand half of the words she was saying-

When she notices you don't even care and you're just staring at the candy in her mouth she sighs and grabs another lollipop from her pockets

She hears you softly mutter, "i haven't had these in ages", shes a little confused

You just look up innocently and say, "oh im dead", when she gives you a questioning gaze

You're surprised when she doesn't start doubting your words-

She just goes "oh, makes sense" and walks away

You just sit there like, ?????

Also you might not have any taste buds

But you're still addicted to those lollipops

Anyways after that you make it your goal to annoy her as much as possible

And you do

For a few months actually

She usually shuts you up with a lollipop sometimes you annoy her by making the lollipop pass right through you

At one point she takes on a different method to shut you up and kisses your cheek, you sat there for a second and malfunctioned

She giggles at your reaction and does it a lot more

Doesent matter how many times she does it, you never get used to it

Your relationship kind of just blossomed

You guys didn't even notice any of it until one day you were staring at each other and kissed and you both just went "okay well we're dating now"

Everyone else barely knew about you so when they see Rona and you just kissing they're so confused

Rona doesn't even explain and you don't bother too either

She finds it funny

She giggles a little when you give her kisses since your lips are just as cold as you are

She now has to get even more candy since you both are obsessed and you steal her candy from her too

You pay back in kisses though

She likes it that way😌

She also likes to join you in scaring the students of the school

You guys do it in various ways but there are some that you like more

For example, sometimes she starts talking to someone and youll randomly appear right behind her and somehow that scares some of the students to death

Another one of your favorites is hiding behind a corner together and just waiting for people nearby and then yelling in their faces

Usually she goes first and after the person has calmed down you chime in and yell in their face too

[1699 words; aug/10/2020]

[shattered-catalyst]

OCD Subtypes for the RPC

Part 1 is here

Well well well, we are back for Part 2 of the Roleplayer’s Guide to OCD.

Fellow Ocd Folks, I see you in those tags and I'm going to do my best to ensure those obsessions are represented here- BUT understand that physically it is not going to be possible to list every single one because I am one person.  Regardless its incredibly brave of you all to rb and add things in the tags, I know its hard to talk about this shit and I see you. I see you.

Resultantly I typed this out and posted it in formatting to assist with accessibility in mind; if you cannot read it still ( I tried Im sorry!) i recommend the copy and paste method or getting the chrome extension bee-line reader.

 There will be grammatical and spelling mistakes. Im sure spacing is odd some places, but you have to understand doing this is extremely anxiety provoking for me so Im just getting it done when I can.

Remember to use your critical thinking; not everyone has the same symptoms/compulsions/triggers and all that.

OCD is fluid. Its like liquid mercury. One day its a handful of subtypes another day its another different serving.

If you are in general squicked about certain topics even by mention read ahead with your own judgement. Remember us folks that have OCD have many disturbing and distressing experiences so if you are writing a character who has OCD and you can’t read about it just don’t give them that obsessive thought/ compulsion. Make sure writing is still a safe and enjoyable hobby for yourself first and foremost.

But ethically and morally I cannot and will not leave out the more disturbing bits. You have the ability to scroll by, I and many others do not get the chance to escape triggering content that our own mind creates.

So read ahead with your best judgement or at least skip around the squicky parts and educate yourself on what OCD is so people quite using it as a Obsessive Christmas/Corgi/Cat Disorder thing. Alright? Cool beans.

Okay so you made it passed post 1 and got under the read more. Give yourself a gold star for diving into this monster of a document.

Below is a crash course it is not meant to replace actual psychoeducation, personal research, or google. Honestly most of us do our research extensively but because OCD is treated so horribly by social media, media, and society in general.

I wasn’t sure where to throw these together because the education tools to learn fully about OCD are very specialized and thus very restricted. I found that many people DO have these experiences with OCD though so I will represent them throughout. I’ll also sprinkle some of my own experiences so you can get a good reference of a person who has the disorder and not just a randomly generated person.

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So OCD is made up of Obsessions, Trigger, Intrusive thought, Misinterpretation/feared consequence,Somatic and Psychological Anxiety, and Compulsions/Rituals.

Your character may not be able to list all of these. In fact if they aren't in ERP therapy they may not be able to puzzle these things out. But YOU as the writer should know them. Your character won’t be walking around talking to just ANYONE that they have OCD. Remember a huge aspect of OCD is it’s Shame.  The disorder makes us feel intense shame regarding our intrusive thoughts, as a result OCD goes undiagnosed for years especially if it has pediatric onset.

  We won’t tell anyone what we are experiencing or why we are doing x y or z. We act like nothing is wrong because to emotionally react is to admit to yourself- and therefore the world- that you have had this intrusive thought and are therefore by virtue a horrible person.[For further information I would suggest also researching PANDAS].

It may be noticeable if your character has an intrusive thought. They may wince or grimace or roll their eyes certainly, but they won’t open up to Joe at the cafe about how their brain is constantly torturing them. I apparently have a very noticeable eye twitch.

 Depending on the nature of the intrusive thought it will get more or less of a reaction out of me. Its usually dependent on how distressing the intrusive thought is and/or if its a new one.

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You see OCD doesn’t sit still. It never looks the same. You’ll have your long haul intrusive thoughts that are with you for years but then you’ll have weird ass ones that just appear and demand their voice be heard yelling about cars hitting people or squirrels getting eaten.

Some people have similar ones! So while everyone is different there will always be someone out there with an intrusive thought similar to yours.

 For instance; I bonded emotionally with a lady on reddit because we both have intrusive thoughts during storms that animals and the homeless are dying. We were both horribly relieved to find another person and also distressed that every snow or rain storm brings horrible images and whispers to your mind that while you are warm and snug in bed someone is freezing to death. And its all your fault.

Some days are better than others. As with all mental illnesses it isn’t CONSTANT ALARM BELLS. Some days it will be all alarms and other days it will be like a gentle whisper on the breeze. You can almost not notice it. Almost.

Obsessive thoughts run the gauntlet from ‘i will/could have/may/may accidentally harm etc’ something that you hold of value. This is any obsessive thought that you have: you think about repeatedly and not by choice, it is very anxiety provoking, it is unwanted, and unwelcome.

 Mine run the scale from ‘squirrel will be murdered’ to ‘being responsible for harm’.

Compulsions or ‘rituals’ are any behavior done to alleviate the anxiety from the intrusive thought and trigger object. In short, compulsions and rituals are not fun. they are absolutely not logical, and we know they are not logical but we are forced to do them. Thats why its a disorder. 

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To emphasize from post 1: magical thinking and the faulty link between thoughts and actions are hallmarks of OCD.  Magical thinking can be anything from contamination to if I turn around three times or stare really hard at something the bad thing wont happen. Sounds weird and is weird and we know it is thats why its a disorder and not a delusion.

The faulty belief that thought=action is the biggest hurdle it is incredibly difficult to grasp, at least for me maybe some of you that have done further ERP can attest, that the mere concept of a thought not being the same as an action is completely and totally mind blowing.

Free will? Yeah thats terrifying. IDK about anyone else but free will is absolutely terrifying; what do you mean i could do anything i wanted?

Thats how you face OCD(WITH A TRAINED THERAPIST). You give in to ambiguity and the unknown. Its breaking that link between thought and action. Its incredibly difficult and draining. A five minute exposure leaves me in shatters for a week and two five minute ones had me ripping my nails past the nail beds with anxiety.

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Just a reminder: Do not have your character expose themself or expose folks with OCD to a trigger to “ help us get over with”. That is literally forcing someone with a mental illness into a break down and is not helpful. In fact its worse because a person knows about this intrusive thought and they tried to make it real. More shame and some trauma. 

If you have OCD, more likely than not a family member or significant other has tried this with the purest of intentions. But it never works like that. Theres a reason that therapists get special training for this. If people want a post on ERP I can make one at some point. 

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Actually let’s drag me with the squirrel thing as the example- fellow OCD Folks get out a pen and paper and try breaking down one of yours;

Obsession:Squirrel will be murdered

Trigger: seeing a squirrel

 Intrusive thought: Graphic images of a squirrel being murdered by a hawk/ impaling depending on the day

Misinterpretation/feared consequence: Squirrel will be killed and its all my fault

Somatic and Psychological Anxiety:intense anxiety, palms sweating, heart racing,

Compulsions/Rituals: Must stare at the squirrel to prevent bad things from happening, 

Now imagine if that is every time you see a fucking squirrel. You have somehow become completely and totally transfixed on a squirrel and nothing is going to pull your attention away or the squirrel dies- which your mind is giving you lovely images of btw.

Cute right?

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Below are the subtypes with general information/example thoughts/ and how some of these have impacted me socially because apparently some people dont understand that mental illnesses impact their social lives?? yall...

Social: This can range from ‘ i am constantly thinking i did something wrong so i have to ask for reassurance that we are still friends’ to completely unrealistic worries. Maybe its an intrusive thought that ‘ your voice is annoying them’ . There’s reassurance seeking, internal and external checking.

 It makes friendships extremely difficult and exhausting. You’re not trying to get to know someone with an annoying frat boy egging on anxiety in your brain. This can also manifest as having strict rules for yourself and ethical codes. 

My therapist likes to say she could give us (folks with OCD) a pile of hundred dollar bills and come back and they’d all be returned. Because OCD makes you so strict and morally confined. Which ISNT fun. Like I dont get pleasure over having to memorize the entire Code of Conduct!

Social Media: Its the bane of human existence some days and a lifeline the next. But what if everytime your follower count was an odd/even number it sent you into a panic attack. What if you spent all your time with intrusive thoughts that somehow someone misinterpreted a post or that someone is going to be harmed by a post you made about tapirs. 

You may be forced to block people to get your number down or keep pornbots on your blog to keep your number what you like (see there is a use for them! We sacrifice those before actual users!) You may be refreshing your page every second because ‘what if you miss a message’. It's going to look a lot like ‘check check check check reassure yourself double check your posts check check check reassure check check FALSE MEMORY check your post etc’

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Clothing/Body Image: When its not Body Dysmorphia it can be OCD. Sometimes this looks like I obsess about a body part and therefore I choose my clothes/hairstyles to hide those.  Some personal examples: as a kid I was sure that mind readers exist ( THIS IS AN OCD THING TOO I was so relieved to find that out) and that if i didnt wear  a particular hat they would see all these horrible thoughts and it would be revealed what an awful person I was. So I wore the same dumb ass bucket hat for a year (or more I cannot remember but it was a long ass time).

I was once so fixated on being given a compliment on my eye color that I wore sunglasses (even at night) to a summer camp. And if any of those teen girls in that cabin that stood up and mocked me in a crowded lunch hall by singing ‘i wear my sunglasses at night’ you all owe me 40$.

Even younger still I had intrusive thoughts. Like say, if anyone noticed I was female that i would be kidnapped so I chopped my hair very short. I altered my appearance to be very androgynous and even switched to walking more masculine. Because omg if your hips move someones going to kill you thats just how it works. ( It doesnt help I later figured out I was a lesbian)

Your wardrobe may be impacted by OCD and yes so can your body image.

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Also yes the fear of mind readers is also a thing; i always thought I was somehow faking OCD because yes that is also a…..

Faking: Do you value telling the truth? Do you detest lying ? Boy Howdy do I have some news for you. OCD is going to try and convince you that YOU LIED. Whether it was on a chastity pledge to get a free sandwich or in a conversation you just HAD. This links a lot with false memory OCD.

Another aspect is OCD makes us doubt we have OCD and tries to convince us we have any other diagnosis under the sun and we are obviously faking our OCD.

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Sexual Orientation OCD; It is as it is called. Sexual Orientation OCD is what happens when your brain goes ‘hold on what if you’re not this orientation what if you are THAT’. It doesn’t matter where on the LGBT umbrella you fall you will have OCD trying to convince you otherwise. From compulsive staring at members of the same/opposite gender to compulsively reassuring or checking with yourself to ensure that ‘ no no you are in fact THIS orientation.’ 

This can range in behavior from binge watching porn, staring compulsively to check that there is OR is NOT attraction,self checking past experiences and memories, analyzing your clothing and your lifestyle in painful and intricate methods.

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False Memory OCD; False memory OCD is basically your brain sitting you in a noir interrogation room, handcuffing you to a chair grilling you. It demands that you did *insert bad thing here*. This can range from anything from something Harm based to pretty much *anything* from other OCD subtypes. Which is quite delightful really.

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Sensorimotor OCD; Sensorimotor OCD is obsessive body responses. These can be ‘ I have to cough really hard and really feel it right in my chest and if I can’t get it right I have to cough until I do’. This can be counting your heartbeats. Trying to check yourself that you in fact have a heart and checking and reassuring that it is still beating. It can be hyper-awareness of swallowing or even swallowing repeatedly. It is anything with selective attention; ie its an automated process but your OCD is forcing you to be aware of it.

Your OCD makes you aware of the sensation of, say, breathing, and then it convinces you that if you stop paying attention to it you will stop breathing. So now you’re horribly aware and focused solely on breathing and breathing alone. It keeps me up most nights with the pounding anxiety fueled by the pressure of ‘if you stop focusing on breathing you will stop breathing completely’ or waiting to feel that last heartbeat in your chest. 

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Existential OCD; You ever feel existential ? Existential OCD is like having a very aggressive existential crisis that turns you into NEEDING answers IMMEDIATELY. This can look anything from hours panic scrolling the net to panic inducing anxiety because you don't know what happens after death. The thoughts are like foghorns on a misty sea.

This sounds basic and the only example i can give is as a teeny tiny 7 year old I had a panic attack in bed screaming that ‘ what if im a dinosaur and im asleep and i wake up and my whole family is GONE’.

To be fair I did like dinosaurs a lot.

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Harm OCD; This is pretty self explanatory but I will give more details. Harm OCD is OCD demanding that you will/could/can/may have/might harmed yourself/others/any living creature and that you alone are responsible. 

This means anything from getting anxious driving over crosswalks because ‘what if you dont see one and hit someone and its all your fault and you hit someone go back and make sure you havent hit anyone’ to ‘im holding a knife so im going to accidentally stab someone’ to ‘ i didnt see my cat this morning and now im at work and think she must be dead and i am responsible for her demise.’

 It can be as simple as ‘if i use a pencil i will stab myself in the eye’ or as complex as ‘ i may accidentally say a slur’/ ‘ i am going to say this horrible thing out loud if i cannot control myself.’ It can also be images of terror or racist/sexist/ableist jokes in your mind that repeat like a broken record.

(Please note from section 1 that this is extremely anxiety provoking and not something you would do. OCD preys on what we respect the most.)

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pOCD; Tumblr listen the fuck up because I am tired of seeing people get called shit on this website for having this mental illness. People who experience pOCD are not pedophiles, they do not get any pleasure or benefit. The thoughts and images are meant to induce harm to the person experiencing them. Children are normally the trigger for this and the resulting images can be very graphic. Again you aren’t attracted to children- thoughts of them getting harmed hurt you so your OCD makes you see them.

Know this so you can advocate for folks with pOCD in real life. Remember we are here. We are suffering and we are terrified of your children.

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Poisoning others/or in your food; Life isn’t medieval anymore but sometimes OCD demands we have a food taster or that we obsessively worry that we may kill someone with our cooking. Personally I struggle with colorblindness so I am constantly fretful over cooking any sort of meat so it’s difficult for me to cook it.

 However this also comes as; obsessive horrible thoughts of your cooking kill someone or that you have somehow/accidentally poisoned someone’s food (even if you haven’t touched it or been within a foot of it ) or that someone has poisoned YOUR food even if no one has touched it except you. You’re going to be picking apart your food or unable to eat out at all.

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Emotional Contamination: It’s similar to magical thinking and this terrifying prospect of mind readers. Emotional contamination can manifest as anything from intense worry over somehow gaining someone else’s negative personality traits.

 Or that somehow by interacting with any role of someone horrible will make YOU somehow also responsible for the horribleness.  There is usually a person or a type of person that is a trigger, but it can also be location based.

 This is one subtype where magical thinking and superstition are apparent.  

For instance; as a teen if a male was in my space or had physical contact;like shaking hands,giving a high five, being in my room etc. I would have to go around and physically touch all the objects that I perceive they may have also touched as a way to cancel out their presence. 

This includes wiping off myself to negate even the touch of family members. It really hurts peoples feelings, my father was especially hurt by this.

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Physical Contamination: This goes beyond physical dirt and grime. Most of us dont have spotless homes because if you’re having a fist fight with your brain everyday cleaning falls by the wayside just like it would for anyone else. Physical contamination holds 2 things: physical contamination obsessions AND compulsive cleaning behaviors/rituals. We believe that a small amount of a contaminate can cover large surfaces.

 Oh, and did I mention its not JUST dirt/germs/viruses. The list is expansive but heres a mixed bag of what they can be: sticky substances,dead animals,glitter (FUCKING GLITTER),negative words or language,colors, numbers, surfaces in general, food, people, and activities.  There is also a hyper responsibility to protect yourself and others from ‘contamination’.

Strangely there is a magical separation between the contaminated world and the ‘clean’ one. Spaces designated as clean would be a bedroom/bathroom/workspace where you are most active. That space is where the compulsions and intrusive thoughts occur. Its not I MUST CLEAN EVERYTHING ALL THE TIME. Otherwise I would be working cleaning houses because why the hell not amiright?

A real world example from a colleague would be a young man with physical contamination OCD is struck with such intrusive thoughts about cleaning that they refuse to allow anyone in their room or any animals in their home. But they are not able to even flush the toilet, take out the trash, wash dishes, or do garbage because of their intrusive thoughts.

The most famous would be compulsive hand washing but I feel it is important to also note OTHER aspects of physical contamination because everyone sees the hand scrubbing stereotype. 

Other compulsions include intricate rituals, not touching the floor (i played X-treme the floor is lava during college. I couldnt let my feet touch the floor because it was ‘dirty’),excessive showering (2-8+ hour showers guys, 8 hour showers. Thats what we’re talking about.)

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Relationship OCD: This comes as no surprise that yes you will have intrusive thoughts that you are somehow harming/ will harm/ may accidentally harm your significant other. Whether that be by physical or emotional means. It can look like ‘ I may have lied to her about how much I love her’, ‘ i may not actually love her and I may be leading her on’, and ‘ I must be corrupting her’. These can extend to certain physical activities with false memory OCD as a cherry on top. A great finishing garnish to leave you feeling absolutely dismayed and unable to trust your own perception.

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Scrupulosity: Religion! Whatever that may be! Its a thing with OCD.  With Scrupulosity obsessive thoughts run all over the board from; you committed a sin and forgot about it you monster to having to pray continuously/ a certain time/ until its right. What is right?Ask OCD that’s the only person who knows. 

We are fairly certain my grandfather had OCD because he went to church for every single Catholic Mass. Every single day. Every. Single. Day.  That’s not a healthy amount of attendance(I'm calling you out posthumously because I care Robert!). This can also look like: praying a certain amount of times. Praying until you do it ‘right’. Confessing every single potential sin. Cataloguing and dwelling over ‘sinful’ things. 

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Symmetry or Just Right OCD: Symmetry OCD is the runner up for ‘most likely recognized on tv shows’ award.

Symmetry OCD convinces you that if *insert thing here* isnt symmetrical or ‘just right’ (a magical position or number of objects that makes 0 logical sense) that something bad will happen.

This can range from the known; rearranging things. But it also looks like buying more objects until you reach the right amount and even throwing out objects if theres ‘too many’.

It can range from ‘the walls are percievably not straight so now i avoid that room at all costs otherwise i will be trapped traveling the edges of the wall with my eyes otherwise it will fall in and murder us ALL.’ to ‘ this historical bust is one inch off to the left and now all i see is visions of it breaking against the ground.’

So that is what I have time for. 9 pages on subtypes and basic information. If you find yourself wanting me information all of this is easily accessible online. So go, be free and dont ever compare people to Monk again. Write Batman and Scott Summers with OCD. Give us ACTUAL representation and not throw away joke lines. We are here. Our suffering isnt funny. We deserve representation too.

[killthe-illusionarydreams]

Chronic Emptiness

Fred x reader

After the war

Summary: Y/N having a depressive episode & Fred trying to help her through it. Basically me living vicariously through her. Soft moment.

Warning: Mentions of depression & plainly feeling like shit

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Y/N was exhausted. Not by her job or work, just mentally drained. This sort of thing happened sometimes. One moment she was okay, the next it all came crashing down on her & she’d feel pure hatred for the world she was living in. Fred had gotten used to it by now, he’d be the ever so caring boyfriend & try to help her through it however he could. Exept he really couldnt do much but reassure Y/N that he was there for her.

And of course Y/N appreciated him & all his efforts, she loved Fred more than life itself & everyone knew that. But sometimes she just needed space. Like today.

They were at a bar with George & Angelina and several other mates after their shifts had all ended from their various occupations. George & Fred at their joke shop, Angelia at the Ministry, Y/N at St Mungos.

Y/N never truly felt like she belonged, not growing up at home, not at Hogwarts, & certainly not in St Mungos where she was working as a nurse. Its not that she hated the job, more like it didn’t particularly cause her immediate joy. She just did it. She got on with it & did what she had to.

As her friends were dancing to the music Y/N leant into her boyfriends ear so he’d hear her say “Hey Fred I think I’m gonna head home early today, I’m tired.”

The man looked up at her, as if trying to read her thoughts “D’you want me to come with love?”

Y/N shook her head, declining the offer “No dont worry. I’ll go through the park, I need some fresh air anyway.” Fred nodded & bid her goodbye with a kiss, telling her to stay safe. “I’ll see you at home.”

It was already dark outside, the tall streetlamps being the main source of light for the woman, but she wasnt really paying attention to where she way going, not caring enough to look. Y/N got to the park near the flat where her & Fred lived, deciding to make a pitstop there she sat on one of the wooden benches that overlooked a small river.

Letting out a heavy sigh she put her head into the palms of her hands, it was feeling all too heavy lately. “Dear Merlin I’m so tired.” Mumbling, the woman rolled her head in her hands before sitting back up and gazing at the sky. Oh how beautiful it looked tonight.

Lighting up a cigarette, she put it to her lips & took a long inhale. She was supposed to be quitting smoking, Fred always got on her about continuing the habbit. In all honesty Y/N didnt care enough to stop, at this point she wasnt even sure if she still got the same boost of seratonin from smoking as she used to. But again, it didnt bother her.

“Fuck me why is life so draining?” She asked no one in particular, she knew why it was draining, the abundance of issues with her brain promptly being the answer. She just wished it were easier. Easier to deal with things.

Realistically Y/N had nothing to be unhappy about anymore, there was no war, she had a good life, an amazing boyfriend, a stable job, decent friends. But there was a permanent void in her heart that could never be filled. Ever since she was a child it stayed with her. Maybe her cold & harsh, unloving parents brought it on, or maybe how she didnt let herself feel love & would distance herself from anyone that ever got close to her. But it was there. Unmovable.

The woman let the smoke out from her mouth, sighing at why she was having another one of her episodes, feeling shitty about having said episode. Yet, there was nothing she could do to stop it from occuring. “Fuck off brain.” She mumbled to herself, cursing her biology & upbringing “Stop feeling so Shit.”

“I keep you alive you ungrateful idiot.” She huffed to herself “And I’m doing a pretty good job, so stop making me feel like its my fault.” It wasnt her fault. If it were, Y/N would know how to fix it & evidently stop feeing this way.

Some would say the war brought this Y/N on, but people knew that she was like this way before. However, before she was better at hiding it. Better at hiding the dark circles, the restlessness, the ‘I dont care what happens to me’ attitude. In all honesty it didnt bother Y/N that people knew she was like this, she didnt do it on purpose. And when she could- she’d be happy- the life of the party, in those instances she could hide her feelings. But sometimes they just got too overwhelming to bare.

“You’re being such a selfish prick.” She sighed and puffed on yet another cigarette “Go home Y/N. Go to the man who loves you.” Yet she made no motion to move. It’d probably been two hours since she left the bar, she wasnt keeping track of time, not feeling the need to.

Sometimes she thought that Fred didnt love her, not because he said something or did something, but because she thought that Fred puts up with her. Which wasn’t true, the man loved her to death, she made him feel alive. Y/N was a risk taker, an adventurer, someone that kept you on your toes- & he admired that about her. Y/N was smart & funny & the most gorgeous person Fred had ever seen, but he knew that behind her sarcasm & faux narcissistic comments, she didnt believe it. Oh what he’d give for the woman to see herself through his eyes.

A few more minutes passed & the woman got up with a sigh, throwing the butt of her cigarette down, she made her way home.

The door creaked open, a little too loudly for Y/N’s taste, she winced at the sound, hoping it wouldnt wake Fred.

“Where were you?” The light flicked on. Before her stood a dischevelled Fred, arms crossed “I got home and you werent here.”

“I was in the park.” She mumbled, taking her coat off “Lost track of time, sorry.”

Fred looked at the woman before him, he noticed the dark circles that she tried to cover prefousley with makeup, noticed the ash on her jacket and faint aroma of smoke mixed with sadness.

“Its fine.” He reassured her and went to hug her, pretending to not notice her cold body & how she stiffened when he touched her “Just let me know next time alright?”

The woman hummed in agreement and walked into the living room, as she sat on the couch she put the tv on to play some sort of muggle program but not really paying attention to it. She just didnt fancy Fred interrogating her about her feelings. She hated talking about them, normally just botteling them up. Maybe that was the cause of her unhappiness.

A few moments went by & she thought Fred had went to bed, but then she felt the couch sink next to her. “Here” he placed a blanket around her & handed her a hot mug of tea “You’re freezing.” Mumbling a thanks she sipped on her drink, not really feeling like talking she waited for him to say something, anything.

And he did “Is it getting bad again?” Oh. Was it? Probably. Most definitely.

“I’m fine.” She lied “I’ll be fine.” Y/N wasnt convincing anyone.

Fred watched her, not knowing what to say or do. He wished he could help, just magically cheer up the love of his life. But thats not how life worked. “You’re good enough.” He blurted out “You deserve to feel happy.”

Y/N didnt look up at him, she knew Fred was trying to help. But was he? I dont know.

“Do I though, do I really?” She finally asked with a sigh, those seemed to be coming from her a lot lately “Because I know I do, I just dont feel it coming to me and its so draining to get on with life when you feel worthless.”

Fred took in what she just said, pausing before trying to come up with a reasonable response “I know.” He sighed “I want to help you Y/N, what can I do?” What could he do though? Realistically?

“I dont know. Nothing. This’ll pass soon enough and I’ll be okay.”

Fred knew that, Y/N was always ‘okay’ or ‘fine’ or ‘just tired’ “But I want you to be better than okay. I want you to be happy, to enjoy life and all its moments.”

Y/N scoffed “And you think I dont want that?” There was a tense silence

“Why dont we take the day off tomorrow and go out somewhere? We havent done that in a while.” Fred suggested. It was true, with both of them being bombarded by work they hardly saw eachother in the last few months.

“Sure.” Y/N smiled sickly and set her tea down “Yeah alright I’ll just sack my job off to have a fun little date with you eh? Why not risk getting fired just because I’m feeling a little moody huh?”

Fred was taken aback by her words and immediately went back on what he said “If you dont want to thats fine I-“

“Im sorry” she cut him off “I’m sorry, that was a dick move I didnt mean it, just everythings gotten so much-“ she put her feet up on the couch to hug them “Im sorry.” A few stray tears fell onto her knees

Fred moved closer to her “Hey, its okay, its okay dont worry. I understand.” Oh sweet understanding Fred, Fred who gave you unconditional love and support. Fred who you keep snapping at.

Moments pass as he embraces you, your body leaning against his heavily. Not sure whether its the exhaustion or something else “I dont deserve you.” You mumble into his chest. He frowns cups your face in his hands, you lean in to his warm touch.

“Dont say that” you let out a quiet sob “Y/N you deserve the absolute world, and I wish I could give it to you & more. If I could take away your pain, I would. In an instant I would. You dont deserve to feel like this, to think like this. But I’m here for you okay. I love you, so fucking much you don’t understand.” He gazed into her eyes, wishing she could feel how much he meant it “You’re the best thing that happened to me & I’m going to prove it to you, whatever it takes Y/N.” He kissed your nose before letting you hug him tighter, relieved that you no longer shrunk away from his touch “Words cant express how much I love you.”

After a few more tears fall, Y/N laughs into his chest “Good because you’re stuck with me.”

Fred grins to himself “I wouldnt have it any other way.”

[theriu]

Had a dream last night where my Pop brought this actor to a big event and I was so excited:

Except my brain didn’t know his real name, so it kept supplying some name that was totally wrong when I looked it up IRL. (His name is Neal McDonough.) And I was really excited and a little bashful because everyone was wanting to talk with him and I just wanted to tell him how much I loved his role as Wyatt Cain in the “Tin Man” Wizard of Oz miniseries. (Seriously that character is so great, the overall series is kind of ??? but fun and I will probably rewatch it now because this sad, freeze-dried, frequently exasperated tough-guy sheriff with a heart of gold is just the best.)

But I kept not having the chance because other people were always getting to him first, and by the end of the event I was wandering around trying to find him as everyone left, fearing I had missed my chance.

When I did find him, somehow it ended up with the two of us getting drawn into this strange sort of living book scenario where the story was trying to cast me as the main character, and I kept getting attacked by a series of magical queens not unlike the Good Witch in WoZ who each had a different power - I think they were, like, fire and then electricity and then two other things. And I would get their wand or other weapon from them and it would be added to my arsenal for the next round. Neal here was super nice and also kinda funny, like he was as startled as I was by all of this and somehow kept being the dude in distress, I think I actually rescued him from the magic queens a few times, but he always had a pretty positive attitude. It was like in those stories where two strangers get shoved into a chaotic adventure and bond in friendship over the shared trials and chaos.

Eventually I beat the ladies (and one dude, I think?) and it turned out that THEY were a group of friends who had gotten sucked into this living story previously, possibly for their own bad reasons, but had become kinda trapped into these characatured roles. So my defeating them kinda freed them and we managed to break the cycle. One of them might have known Neal. I dont remember what happened next but it was a really fun dream and I kept trying to go back to sleep to see what would happen. It had a happy ending, I feel sure.

In conclusion: if you ever read this, Neal, I hope you are as nice and good-humored as you were in my dream, and also it was a pleasure going on a very bizarre adventure with you. Also I really loved your role as Wyatt Cain in Tin Man.