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it doesn't matter. none of the memories or the good times we had, or how sweet he is with me do not matter anymore. he's done for. i've disappeared fifteen times and every time he comes chasing me only for me to reply and get ignored or rejected. is his ego so low? does he need approval or interest of some random woman? gee come on, he's hot, handsome and has many women after him lol, leave me alone, why bother me? every hot and cold interaction he's had with me only pushes me further away, and yet he comes back to me. what kind of psycho does that? i'm glad i never confessed feelings nor tried to do anything physical, that would've been my end lol. whatever. he does not deserve access to me, my time, my emotional world or my intellect. not even a peek. i'm not communicating shit because it will not be honored and he doesn't deserve to know what i'm feeling or what has hurt me.

maybe what i need to learn in this moment is to recognize when someone is worth lowering my barriers and my radicalism, instead of just being flexible with people who simply don't care and are not worth it. and i'm glad i have the wisdom to recognize that teaching instead of only seeing two options in what god is trying to teach me with this. the time for emotional vulnerability will come, but this is not the moment.

childish fucking behavior. good luck and good riddance, i'm out.

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set your past on fire and leave

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Source details and larger version.

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serial avoidant meets serial ghoster, have three months of 24/7 fun together, eight months of texting in long-distance and after a month close by everything goes to the trash

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why am i so fucking insane? i've done a lot of reflecting these past few days and my apparent difficulty to engage and connect with others it's mostly about the barriers i put as to not have intimacy or feel vulnerability in my relationships. me deleting a bunch of internet profiles and pulling away from friendships when i feel the slight change in the other or just when i feel too attached to them and it's not reciprocated in ways i anticipated. it's unfair with the others but it also pains me to leave people. always building a fucking island for myself and putting down any fires to attract company. fuuuuuuuuuck

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si tiene límite el amor lo pasaría por él y en el vacío inmenso de mis noches yo le siento

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my goal for 2025 is small simple and clear: change my whole entire life

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Paris-Tokyo (パリ～東京) // Macoto Takahashi

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Transmission #09738 from Zuma (ACCM)

1. Black Hole of Fetishes 2. Relatable GPUs

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— Ganymede, Jericho Brown, in '100 Queer Poems, an anthology' (2022)

[text ID: I mean, don't you want God / To want you? Don't you dream / Of someone with wings taking you / Up?]

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a love that feels like the sun in your chest

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can someone please be in love and obsessed with me