#for the people MAKING THE DAMN PROJECT
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Not to dwell on this too much longer but I cannot fucking believe that we conceptualized, organized, created, presold, produced, shipped, ran leftovers and shipped leftovers on a whole fanthology during the layout arrangement period of a different fanthology that I was assured would go to print in spring of last year. Holy shit.
#fandom bullshit#That One Fanthology™#I gotta clarify#I'm not patting my own back here#we had a delay of over a month!#(we were waiting for bat-shaped keyring clasps)#(I'm not kidding)#we had communication issues#things that didn't work#it was not a perfect project#none ever are#that's okay#that's normal#that's the nature of working on a group project#but we did this in the span of just under a year and a half#interest check feb 2022#preorders oct 2022#donation remitted july 2023#this other project#interest check feb 2021#preorders jan 2022#it's july 2023#and nothing#NOTHING!#and NOBODY KNOWS WHAT'S GOING ON#the fucking NERVE#the DISRESPECT#for the people MAKING THE DAMN PROJECT#I'm so mad#so so so FUCKING mad
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thinking about compiling screenshots of golden/silver age batman exclusively calling dick his ward to combat the allegations that it was “initially a father-child relationship”
#dc#batman#brudick#i don’t even ship it#i think i'm still mad at the poll when people were trying to refute the brudick points#by saying shippers are also biased and ignoring the history and that it really was a familial relationship early on#me the only asshole on this website enough of dumbass to try to read early batman “no it fucking wasn't”#if you hate the ship fine but don't back up your argument with complete lies#the pro-brudick camp has receipts which gives them way more validity than the haters#i'm sure somewhere out there there's dick grayson pre-crisis saying bruce is like a father to him#there's so many comics and i've barely scratched the surface#but i did read both the first golden age compilation book of batman and silver age world's finest compilation#and neither of them say anything like that#and no “his ward dick grayson” is how he's called constantly it's one of the stock phrases in the ever present narration#early comics fundamentally didn't understand they were a visual medium and are full of very tedious and unnecessary text panels#and to be fair each issue needed to function as an intro to someone who had never heard of batman and robin before so#“and his ward dick grayson”#every damn time#their relationship was adult man and his plucky kid sidekick he inexplicably hangs out with#which doesn't make sense and doesn't parallel to real life real social interaction#but neither does a man going in a batsuit to fight crime#and the out-of-universe explanation is because this comic was aimed at kids who were supposed to project onto dick grayson#and the kids want to be batman's kid-partner not his kid-son#it's not that complicated this trope still exists today#kid who should not be here but is because it's a kids' show/book/movie/etc#i stg i'm gonna become a brudick shipper out of spite at this point#and WHILE I'M COMPLAINING i am also going to be mad at the people who get all up-in-arms#about all the evil heroes doing child endangerment on their poor abused sidekicks#should there be kid heroes? no but cape comics would suck without them so stop complaining and enjoy yourselves#RL vigilantism is also always bad stop bringing real world standards into this they don't apply
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WHY must the act of creation be so tiring. is it not enough to simply have The Vision
#rye.txt#the act of creation is a joy but I wish I could do it without it draining my energy dry 😭#i want to MAKE THINGS and i don’t wanna be tired after!!! i wanna make things and then have the energy to make more things after!!!!#this is me saying I wish I could make more videos. they are so much fun and I am so proud to make them. but DAMN do they kill my energy#i have no idea how other people manage to make so many in such a relatively short timeframe. like how. where are you getting your energy#in order to power through a big project I need to be fueled by Rabid Inspiration. and then I crash for like 2 months
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There is something about making an oc and accidentally recognizing some traits you've given them are traits you can relate to
Not even trying to make a self insert and I've done those before, but seeing parts of yourself and things you struggle with and coming to a halt because I Didn't Mean To Do That. Where Do I Go From Here? Do I Continue To Develop This? There's Issues Here I'm Not Ready To Deal With Myself With.
#and it sucks because you want the oc to exist!!!! but its one thing to make an oc and project parts of yourself onto it#to try and work through insecurities and issues and gives yourself some comfort#and an entirely different thing to try to create a character with a good story and suddenly you're looking into a mirror#i won't disclose which oc bc if i post them i don't want people pointing at them and thinking every decision about them relates to me#because they don't and won't#but... damn
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i'm pretty sure someone ghosted me after getting the sketch for their comm inquiry last month
#please do this to literally anyone else#i know its hard but an email saying sorry i requested on impulse and cannot afford it/dont want it actually is 100% fine and better#thankfully this only happened twice in the last four years of comms. but damn#sometimes i wonder if putting so much effort on making sketches look good makes people run away with them without paying 🤡#(im behind replying mails i know sorry. still stuck on mystery editorial project)
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I don't know if this still happens cause I'm not too involved with the Fuuta side of the community, but when I was first getting into Milgram I remember being somewhat annoyed at how much I saw Fuuta's murder being watered down to just "Haha twitter user was twittering". And I still feel that way, not because I think Fuuta should be specially punished for his murder, but because in a series full of murders that anyone could commit when placed into their shoes, Fuuta is the character that I think exemplifies the fact that any of these prisoners could be you if you were placed into different circumstances.
#tw cult mention#tw suicide mention#{ ⚖️ after knowing all I wonder. can you really forgive them? 👁️}#I would talk more in detail about what I mean but it's 1 AM and I need to be up for school so like#Just pretend I talked your ear off about internet cults of punitive justice and purity culture and how often teenagers get harassed into-#-offing themselves on these damn sites because of people'e desire to be the 'good guy' and 'the hero'#I've both observed and met so many Fuutas in my life and doubley so people who have been in his circumstances#Out of all the prisoners he by far feels the most real to me#And considering how much I've praised Yamanaka's character writing for how real he makes the characters feel despite their actions#that's saying a lot#milgram#milgram project#fuuta kajiyama#kajiyama fuuta#milgram fuuta
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just a couple of dirty bean boys!
#jacksepticeye#just like art#this was SO CLOSE to never being finished#art machine (me) broke halfway through but we did it#uni is............. going#even though im only doing 2 subjects im losing it man#i think its just ALL OF THE GROUP PROJECTS IM DOING#like my groups are fine theyre all sweet and nice but i just.#just let me do it by myself let me take 100% control without guilt let me only depend on myself doing it#im such a damn follower with group projects please itd be quicker if it was just me making my own shots instead of a second party coming in#and asking for my opinion when my opinion is always ''do whatever you want :)'' because i either dont mind OR i dont have the social energy#to say otherwise like theyd be fine with it but i just cant do it man i got anxiety of the social kind i cant keep going man i cant#i dont like feeling like im letting down other people or that theyre depending on me im bad under pressure#JUST LET ME DO IT ALONE AND ONLY DISAPPOINT MYSELF BRO CMON#the group projects are wrapping up soon so i cant complain but im screaming#besides that ive been good thanks for asking!
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now you see batman comics suck ass but also damn they can contain some of the most emotionally impactful stories i have ever read and fuck i need to reread batgirl 2000 and cry over Cass and Babs relationship because ohhhhh. you love me but you dont understand me and you want to fix me but i just need understanding. Cass & Steph are just amazing characters and damn their stories make me cry.
#thebirdspeaks#seriously i cant get through the first few issues of batgirl 2000 without crying because damn. i feel you Cass.#its about being disabled its about thinking/communicating differently its about trying to make people understand you but they just project#onto you#Cass & Barbra oughhh#i need to reread#cassandra cain the girl that you are
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Me when I think too hard about what the internet/lily orchard did to steven universe
[ID. cause I know tumblr's video player is shit. Jontron sitting on a couch in his basement points at the camera and says "you fuckers! YOU FUCKERS! I WILL RAIN HELLFIRE UPON YOU!" as the video and audio distorts to emphasize his frustration]
#jane journals#posting to my normal blog ig ajfjfkg#but FUCKING HELL YOU GUYS!!!!!#I WAS THERE WHEN IT HAPPENED AND I SAW EVERYONE TURN ON A FUCKING DIME TO HATE ON IT#DOES IT HAVE PROBLEMS /YES/#every bit of media has problems!!!#projects are worked on by MANY MANY people and not ALL of them make smart decisions so ofc there's gonna be some issues#but as far as i KNOW those were all apologized for in earnest#but what we had was a BEAUTIFUL show about emotional intelligence with beautiful aesthetics#and everyone fucking HATED IT and drove rebecca off the internet for a good while#people are way too fucking comfortable demanding shit of content creators these days#and voice actors/writers/animators#y'all need to go back to keeping ur damn DISTANCE#steven universe#su#rebecca sugar#cartoon network
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Something I've been thinking a lot recently after becoming a lot more social and going out is like. How different people really LOOK in general. Or rather, I've always seen it but I've been noticing it more. Different body types, different faces, different features.... etc. Everyone is so different looking.
There isn't a way you could possibly gauge how "beautiful" someone is because everyone is so different, and everyone's perception and preferences are different. Someone who you could consider extremely handsome could have deep seated self image issues, and someone who looks unremarkable to you might be someone's ideal.
I feel like being online and constantly exposed to the same types of faces, especially the type of people who become popular online due to the appearance, they always have the same set of features, same set of body types. It's not inherently bad, people do gravitate towards them because there's beauty standards that certain people fit. But in general exposure to people who look all similar rots the brain. It rots your self image. It distances you from your own community as well.
It bleeds into how people handle their relationships, it brings prejudice to people just based on their appearance, and it sucks so much to actually like, fully consciously REALIZE. Everyone is worthy of love, no matter how they look like (this includes you btw!! Yeah you!!! <3) no matter what the media says. It sounds like something sooo obvious but it really is something that grows roots in your brain given the chance and is hard to pull out.
Feeling like you're in an arms race against your peers to "score" someone who you could pass for an instagram model, instead of finding someone who you truly connect with. Having to deeply justify your partners and friendships to your family as being worth it, when they don't look like celebrities on TV and just look like regular people. (This has been my personal experience for a long time, but I feel like theres probably more people who have gone through the same)
"What will other people think? What will my family think?" is something constantly on my mind whenever I make any friends, and im only recently realizing that it really does not matter what they do think what matters is one's own happiness.
Not sure where I am going with this post I just wanted to write it out for a few days now and I finally did it <3 have a swag day
#thunderclap#words#i just think people should live without the constant pressure of appearances both your own and your peers. its literally brainrot#everyone everywhere is so different there are a thousand faces a thousand bodies a thousand features theres eight billion people on earth#its so terrible that we are always focused on the same ones and call them beautiful when theres so much to people in general#does this make any fucking sense? god im so tired but im feeling this a lot recently. man..........#my own appearance has been both praised and degraded for years years years and its fucked up my way of perceiving people for my whole life#idk... theres so much nuance to this whole conversation ofc i cant fit it all into one (1) post#like... recently realizing my mom is to blame for like 90% of my body image issues has had me reeling. like hello.#dont get me wrong i love her but damn that family can self project their flaws needlessly on the next generation huh
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y'all can all cancel me (again) for this, but if there's even a SHRED of 'who should I pick?' from Penelope in season 3, I am tuning out SO fast because like. . .sorry not sorry, there IS no choice. Debling is some crusty OC suitor she barely even knows and Colin is a man who she has been so supposedly in love with to the point where she'd ruin her entire family's reputation to have a potential love story with him. Penelope and Colin have background, years of knowing each other, intimacy that few people in the Ton can boast of having (letters, conversations about purpose, fights and arguments and makeups) and her and Debling have. . .a dance or two at a ball because he's a rebound for Penelope's broken heart. he means nothing. he has no nuance, he has no weight to the story, he is such an afterthought to me. either I wanna see Penelope going 'you know what? I don't even LIKE this dude. he's. . .fine, but I don't care about him even a shred as much as I care about Colin' or the INSTANT Colin's like 'you know what? we should get married' if it's not an immediate 'say less, you're already my husband, try returning me without the receipt, Debling whomst?' then I don't want it!
like. . .it's just so frustrating to see all the 'I hope Debling sweeps her off her feet and she rejects Colin's proposal and she makes him work for it and and and-' nonsense from the fandom and it's always tagged and no matter how many times I block it, it just keeps popping up. I go into the Polin tag for POLIN. I don't give a SHIT about a male love interest other than Colin. Not one. Not a shred. Not an iota.
and also. . .Debling has the 'benefit' of not having depth, or character traits, or HISTORY, so peeps can project onto him however they want, but I'm calling it now, there is NOTHING he could do or be that would make me like him more than Colin. Colin will always hit different, and I will always love him more. and if Pen's not on that same page? lol bye
you want me to believe Penelope and Colin are soulmates and it's romance for her to hem and haw about how difficult a decision it is for her to marry a stranger who knows barely anything about her. . .
when Marina was out here dropping banger lines like 'You were the only man with which I could see myself being happy' and 'I do not care about any of these men, where is Colin?'? like hello??? and she wasn't even fully in love with him!!!! but we'll demonize her until the cows come home in our fandom and make her the villain in Polin's love story for DARING to get in between Polin, yet Debling, a white man, is a darling dear perfect prince for getting in between Polin? existing in our fandom solely so Penelope can be like 'lol, Colin ain't shit, let me entertain any and everyone else'?
if that's the direction it goes then, ten toes down and on my mama, she doesn't deserve Colin and she can move because I'm on my way to court him my damn self
and that's that on that
#you know what? lol it's been a bit since i've posted a controversial opinion#tagging it#polin#sorry not sorry i ship polin. . .so i wanna see. . .polin. . .and i'm getting damn sick and tired#of all the bullshit pen/oc pen/other dude theories and stories in the polin tag#and i don't want polin to lose screentime over a frankly bleh male oc#you can't change my mind#if i don't see at least marina's 'you've seen him with the little bridgertons!' level of squee and 'i only want to talk to colin'#levels of devotion then i don't fucking WANT IT!!!!!#yeah definitely try out the marriage market#realize that NO ONE has a good time on the marriage market#try to get over him w/ whomstever#but then be like 'i don't even LIKE this dude where's colin i miss him' about it!!!!!#because otherwise i am not here#i am asleep#and i am courting colin in your place pen#i'm coming for your man#anti debling#if debling has 100 haters i am one of them if he has 10 haters i'm one of them if he has 1 hater i am the hater if he has 0 haters i'm dead#it's incredibly obvious that 'pebling' is half rooted in a revenge storyline fueled by anger at Colin and his complexity#and half a projection of wanting Penelope to have 'choices' because she is a representation and manifestation of the fans themselves#and so people think an OC that can be 'perfect' for them- whoops I mean Pen (because he doesn't have any real depth or interest)#he's a cardboard cutout we can throw whatever you want onto#so we can make him 'perfect' instead of the much more meaningful storyline of pen and colin both being messy and loving each other more#and part of it is bitterness over Polin not being insta-love#which. . .if it was i wouldn't like them as much as i do#anyways y'all ain't slick#and it's fucking WEIRD to be in a fandom that's like 'i ship this couple but i hope she gets with ANYONE else'#maybe you. . .don't ship the couple??#like. . .to the point of wanting her necklace to be from debling. . .and her wearing it everywhere??? WHAT??
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Feels weird to see people diagnosing Ryoko Kui ngl. You guys don't know her.
#had someone be like “you may be autistic” on our first interaction online. put me off immediately. hello? boundaries?#bothers me for so many reasons lol. any deviation from normalcy (how was this established? by whom?) is diagnosable.#once you're diagnosed people tend to see u through that label + you're more likely to overly identify with it when really it's just an#umbrella term that covers some behavioural patterns. perhaps neurostructural make-up depending on the diagnosis.#you're not a professional you're most likely projecting#even if you are a professional you shouldn't be diagnosing people without their permission let alone talking about it like its fact like...#imagine if you woke up one day and everybody was talking about you having a condition you've never discussed publicly#so weird both of you are and aren't right#idk! obviously people will think whatever and they will share it but damn. that's a human person with a right to their privacy etc.#rambles#dunmesh rambles
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2020 notreyev who said "i dont know how i'm going to survive when bnha ends" would be SHOCKED to learn that in 2024 he is obsessed with a fiction podcast where the gay people are CANON and the FOCAL POINT of the series instead of "best friends," "bros," and "closest companions."
listen here dude. queer media is real. kiribaku never gets canonized or even implied that its endgame. bakudeku... won. i'm sorry... i know. i know baby. it's okay. i know kirishima is queerbait... i know... but in your future there are sloppy wet kissing noises... and .... hear me out ... tragic yaouri. and you dont even have to headcanon kirishima as depressed/transgender/adhd/a little suicidal anymore.... there's a real canonically depressed/transgender/adhd/a little suicidal character out there. his name is juno steel. he's 40 years old. he's hot as fuck. and he always gets his man. it's gonna be okay
#gizmoposting#not putting this in any tags#junoverse#my hero academia#thats it#kiribaku#i couldnt resist#hello baby bnha fans#get into tpp now#your queer wont be baited anymore#YES i was a bkdk anti and i STILL SORT OF AM#i literally did not know gay people had rep in the media#i was like damn if only there was something out there gayer than my hero academia#also togachako real#real to me#i used to rp as kirishima and make him depressed as fuck#projection 100#i dont even have to project onto juno or nureyev to make them depressed#they come prepackaged with depression and anxiety#a little bpd#a little bipolar#its all good#its okay stelle#you dont kin kirishima forever#youre on to bigger better older men soon
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Ya know, I said it offhandedly in the tags of the last post but I'm wondering what a Chica themed cookbook would include now. Pizza is the obvious one, same with cake and cupcakes. She has some canon stuff with something about chowder, Chica chug, Chica bites, uhhhh the uhhh skinny taco from Help Wanted 2, lemon Chicabars, the blendee, and whatever else she normally has I dunno. Her Fizzy Faz flavour is pink lemonade so there's that too...
She's then got the whole mazercise thing, so fruit smoothies and just general stuff with fruit is probably gonna work. Obviously she's a chicken, so there's that too.
Honestly, I can see her having a cake section where she tells the recipes to her friend's favourite cakes. So the obvious would be carrot cake for Bonnie then I dunno a lemon lime cheesecake for Monty or something?
I think the thing about a Chica cookbook is that it's just so easy to visualise and work with that it would be kind of hard to get it wrong, and yet, this isn't a real thing that exists for some reason??
#damn I wish I knew about a bunch of cooking stuff cause like. I would maybe love to make a lil zine for this#I still could but just for things I know how to make like jam and uhhhhh#I can't believe I'm drawing a blank can I really think of nothing else????#oh I know about muffins kind of (memory is meh) and I made a cheesecake once so...?#I dunno! maybe that's the next little project I do! bunch of little paper zines scanned in for anyone to have if they want it#and it's all just recipes I know or things I found online that fit in eight panels#that could be fun and I've been meaning to play around with zines so... maybe I could actually#could be fun! who knows! if I do this I'm absolutely gonna ask for recipes too cause like. I don't know many lmao#and people always have good recipes hanging around even if it's just 'the perfect cheese toastie' ya know?#I'm pretty hungry now so imma gooooo but ya know I need you all to know this is in my brain now and it might not leave#I'm so offended on Chica's behalf by the audacity of this cookbook that I might make several little zines for her#I know some really easy ones actually that could definitely fit in eight panels so who knows! maybe!#we shall see!!! okay bye#glamrock chica#I FORGOT TO TAG HER CHICA FANS GET OVER HERE AND HELP ME BRAINSTORM FOOD FOR OUR FAVOURITE CHICKEN
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First day back at the university and I still suck at this exactly as much as I did 4 years ago
#i wish doing something over and over actually made it easier from then on#how come i've done this so many times and i'm still as horrified by the prospect of group projects and exams and all as in the very start#can they invent a higher education that doesn't require you to prepare a group project for every damn subject that exists#can they also invent an intercating with people#in a way that doesn't leave me feeling like the only person on earth who somehow doesn't get it#how do people just start talking and becoming friends :( it's literally impossible for me#it's such a mystery. how the hell do they all do this. what's your fucking secret !!!!!!!!!#not that i expected to become friends with anyone in one day#but one day was already enough for me to start feeling as alienated and othered from everyone else as i've always felt#like god it's always the same damn thing. each year i hope it'll be different and it's still the fucking same#i try to appear nice and approachable and chime in to the conversation whenever i can (just like i've been doing for the past 4 years)#but i guess there must just be something deeply wrong with me that makes everyone avoid me in the end anyway#am i really that unfriendable. can anyone tell me what i'm doing wrong#and why no one is interested in holding a conversation with me for more than 5 minutes in total#it's literally back to the same thing that i've done over and over before and i truly don't see any point in any of this anymore#it's just so ridiculous 😭😭😭 why do i even keep trying at this point#back to school so back to crying alone in my room every evening i guess#how beautiful how poetic. i almost forgot this was the daily standard for the entire past year#never getting out of this ok i get it :))#friendship was meant to be for everyone but me i get it now!!!#worst year ever everything bad is happening. going to my first funeral on thursday i'm definitely going to take that well hahaha#it's been only a day and i'm already so done. ok.#i'm freaking out man what am i even supposed to be doing anymore. it's all pointless
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#the point is that I really love that guy and I'm happy for what he's getting and I was enthusiastic about the possibility of this project#but in an instant they took away every bit of enthusiasm from me I'm just tired and sad and with a ruined mood#and I don't know if I can to hold out like this for a long time for every single project or everything he does#and no it's not enough to ignore for me I'm glad other people can ignore it and move on but probably I'm too sensitive#and I shouldn't be on the internet but the cruelty of people makes me sad#I want to enjoy EVEN nick's career in peace#but damn it's hard sometimes
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