#i was like damn if only there was something out there gayer than my hero academia

[notreyev]

2020 notreyev who said "i dont know how i'm going to survive when bnha ends" would be SHOCKED to learn that in 2024 he is obsessed with a fiction podcast where the gay people are CANON and the FOCAL POINT of the series instead of "best friends," "bros," and "closest companions."

listen here dude. queer media is real. kiribaku never gets canonized or even implied that its endgame. bakudeku... won. i'm sorry... i know. i know baby. it's okay. i know kirishima is queerbait... i know... but in your future there are sloppy wet kissing noises... and .... hear me out ... tragic yaouri. and you dont even have to headcanon kirishima as depressed/transgender/adhd/a little suicidal anymore.... there's a real canonically depressed/transgender/adhd/a little suicidal character out there. his name is juno steel. he's 40 years old. he's hot as fuck. and he always gets his man. it's gonna be okay

[benoitblanc]

Erebos sounds sick as heck, tell me all about your characters

and THANK YOU MUNDIE! it's got a really large cast so i'm going to put this all under the cut because it's likely going to get really long. for those reading this ask who may have missed the initial conversation, erebos is the crime drama show i'm working on outlining right now. the VERY short elevator pitch is leverage meets peaky blinders but gayer and in modern-day france

our less-than-intrepid not-really-heroes:

lily spence runs this damn town. well, that's not really true. lily spence runs this damn fringe group of four other petty crooks who kind of just rob enough people to live comfortably and not much else. but they are VERY good at it. born into british aristocracy, she was disowned by her extremely traditional parents when they walked in on her kissing another girl. only seventeen, she fled to france to stay with her brother, who was working in marseille, but got waylaid in paris. she was nearly mugged until karim intervened and took her under his wing. and now look at them seventeen years later. criminal masterminds. lily is very very smart and ruthless and also a total nerd. if an episode of doctor who is airing, she will not run a con because she is absolutely insistent on watching it. also, there’s a running gag of how she, as a stereotypical bisexual, cannot sit on chairs properly. she loves her team and she loves committing crimes, but the prospect of going toe to toe with elise archambault terrifies her. (but she'll be damned if she shows it.)

karim ayari acts as lily's second-in-command. he has the least fleshed out backstory of the gang right now, but he used to work for the dutch intelligence force before getting sick of all the bullshit and corruption involved with federal law enforcement and leaving to become something of a vigilante. somehow he ended up in paris, where he met and teamed up with lily. as the oldest member of the team (though only by a few years), he's also the most level-headed and often has to bail the others out of trouble. he's also just a total sweetheart. he spends his free time teaching self-defense to homeless women and children. i love him.

yvette laroche started her adult life as an automobile saleswoman before she discovered that her persuasive skills were much more lucrative when applied to crime, at which point she joined the team as their grifter. she is the only member of the team who is actually french and more or less the only member of the team who is still on good terms with her family (though i'll talk about lily's brother later.) she's a black trans lesbian- in fact, she and lily even briefly dated before deciding they were better off as friends- who adores few things more than eating the rich. these few things include terrible jokes and even worse romance novels.

adrian valenti is the team's resident cat burglar, which is an apt title because he is also my poor little meow meow. (for the record, i STILL have no idea what that actually means, but the feeling it evokes is definitely adrian.) he grew up on the streets of manhattan, which is where he learned to become such a good thief. i have no idea what words in the next big plot detail in his life have been banned by apple, so let's just say for convenience's sake that he also developed a substance problem. adrian has been clean for several years now but still struggles to talk about his time in new york. i'm not completely sure yet how he made his way to paris, but here he is. he's kind of an asshole 90% of the time, but has a huge heart deep down and really deeply cares about his team. he thinks lily is the worst person he's ever met. he's desperately in love with her.

julia ono serves as the team's technical support, which is a nice way of saying she's a hacker. one of the best in the world, in fact. she's from australia, but was in france for a job when interpol finally nabbed her. she was immediately broken out of jail by adrian. van houden, whom you'll meet below, was NOT pleased about the whole affair. the team's condition on breaking her out was that she work with them on a job, but she liked them, though she thought they were the weirdest people she'd ever met, so she stuck around for the next job. and the next. and, well, here she still is. julia has a very sarcastic sense of humor, which is why she gets along so well with adrian, even if she may call him "bitch-ass white boy" to his face in a very strong aussie accent. the youngest member of the team, she is fashionable and unapologetic, though she struggles to overcome internalized stereotypes, and a lesbian with a massive crush on yvette.

la famille archambault, aka The Mob(TM):

elise archambault is in charge of la famille archambault, an organized crime syndicate operating out of paris. she knows exactly what she is capable of and won't let anyone else forget it. as a woman, she has had to work twice as hard to get to where she is. she won't let any transgressions go lightly, so when a ragtag gang of crooks robs her own sister-in-law, she takes it upon herself to wipe them out. they've made their living conning tourists and the wealthy. she, by contrast, is elise goddamn archambault. they pose no threat to her. right?

lucas archambault is elise's older cousin who serves as her lieutenant and advisor. "arwen," you might ask, "what's lucas' deal?" the truth is i still have no idea. this man currently has no personality and no backstory. unfortunately, i can't cut him because he's essential to the plot. *sighs in writer*

olivier archambault is elise's younger brother who might resent his sister's power and DEFINITELY resents lucas' power. shouldn't he be the second-in-command? sure, he gets to be in the field much more, but he doesn't like being told what to do. isn't he the one who knows what's best for lfa? shouldn't he be in charge?

catherine archambault is olivier's wife who kind of didn't know what she was marrying into until it was too late. she loves olivier enough to make it work, though, and with her head for numbers, she all but runs the business side of lfa. unfortunately, that doesn't mean she's impervious to getting swindled out of a sizable chunk of cash by adrian and julia...

friends, foes, and other irritations:

mickey spence is lily's kind-hearted older brother who is the only member of her family she is still in touch with. in direct contrast to his sister's less-than-legal pursuits, he's a respectable businessman working out of marseille. he loves lily more than anything but is a bit concerned about what she and her friends are doing. mickey is my favorite character. my emotional support himbo, if you will. i adore him

marya van houden is a dutch interpol agent working out of paris who has been keeping an eye on lfa and subsequently crosses paths with the team. van houden is very good at her job, so the team should really end up in jail. except... she used to work with karim, and she hates lfa just as much as they do. if it means bringing down the most dangerous crime syndicate in the city, she might just be willing to play ball with the lesser evil

denis gascoigne is another petty thief who has been adrian's biggest rival for years. but in a friendly way, you know? they're frenemies. gascoigne wouldn't do anything like turn the team over to lfa, the police, or interpol, but he'll definitely mildly inconvenience them if he gets the chance. on extremely rare occasions, he might even lend them a hand

madeleine benoit and jacques timonier are the paris police detectives in hot pursuit of the team. they're not exactly BAD to the degree that elise's crew is, but they're just really fucking annoying. and unfortunately really determined. benoit is up for a promotion and by god she's going to get it. you know anne from santa clarita diet? they're like anne, but not as easily swayed into thinking the team are actually messengers of god

tania featherswaite unfortunately might end up getting cut because she features prominently in the season 3 storyline that is teetering on the line between "revolutionary and keeps the show fresh" and "unmitigated disaster." she was lily's first girlfriend- you know, the one lily's parents saw her kissing and threw her out over- but her parents were much more supportive than the spences, so she's still in the uk. she's much quieter than lily but has a genuine and elegant strength, as well as what is possibly the only moral compass on this show. her major story arc is kind of a spoiler, but she basically gets to do a lot of badass spy-esque stuff with lily and mickey that i am REALLY hoping stays in. we'll see.

[manifestoonmoralmanlove]

Gormless Chapter 6 – Tunstell’s mildew breath

A well-meaning friend gave me a book series that is hilariously bad. The first book was Souless and my riffs were entitled brainless. This second book is entitled Changless and these riff are then gormless.

I mean to say I have entitled them gormless! Not that my riffs are dumb, and the effort I spend on them stupid since I’m the only one who enjoys them. HAHA!

The story is SUPPOSED TO be about how a badass lady wearing a rad-looking carriage dress hits baddies with her umbrella and bangs her hot werewolf husband.  In reality it’s mostly poor attempts at being witty, flirty, and superior.

For the last book check out the brainless tag.

If you want the TL;DR version but want to read these new riffs anyway?

This story is set in supernatural Victorian steampunk England.  Alexia is our NOT LIKE OTHER GIRLS protag.  She is a soulless, which means she’s able to negate the abilities of vampires and werewolves by touching them. She’s recently married a big oaf, named Lord Connel Maccon.  He’s the manchild in charge of the supernatural police with a zillion dollars and he’s totes super hot too ok.  Their relationship is mostly arguments about how Maccon can’t tell her fucking anything.  Alexia has also recently become head of ~Soulless affairs~ in Queen Victoria’s government.  She has a dumb friend named Ivy, a gay vampire friend named Akeldama, a family who’s evil because they do the same shit as her but while being blonde, and most importantly Alexia is better than everyone cause…cause.

Last time on Gormless:

There’s some mysterious force that’s turning the Vampires and werewolves into humans. Alexia is in charge of figuring out that deal, and she is doing a bad job at it.  Her husband is in charge of the Supernatrual Police (BUR) so he’s going to Scotland about it.

Alexia is also going north to help her husband with a crew crafted for a comedy. and oh boy I can’ts wait.

Gormless Chapter 6 – Tunstell’s mildew breath

Last we left our hero she was toting around her bff Ivy, her evil blonde sister, Ivy’s crush but not fiancé Tunstell, and her maid Angelique.  As soon as they get on the dirigible, they are met with Madam LeFoux who’s definitely not up to something, and definitely doesn’t have a strained ex-girlfriends relationship with Angelique. NO WAY!

But like Kudos to LeFoux for leaving her shitty son who just nearly leveled a block of inner-city London on a whim with 1 caretaker who is a ghost who, due to being incorporeal, can’t do shit to stop him from doing it again.

As we all know, Felicity has gotta hit that evil quota and flirts shamelessly with Tunstell just to piss off Ivy.  I was about to type, “I’m not sure why Felicity hates Ivy” but then I remembered that Felicity is evil and she doesn’t need a reason har har.  Alexia, at one point catches Angelique and LeFoux talking angrily with each other on this one deck, so Alexia tries to listen in.  It basically boils down to, “Angelique you need to tell her!”  “I know but not right now!” while the both of them romantically touch each other.  

Alexia just thinks that they’re probably both spies. Lesbionage is a’ foot!

 LeFoux flirts with Alexia some more BLAH BLAH BLAH! Later on, Alexia goes back to her quarters to find that someone tried but failed to break the lock on her bag.

LE GASP!

But before she can come up with a half-baked idea about the culprit being a raccoon, aliens, or this was all occurring in an autistic boy’s snow globe…Ivy staggers in emotionally wounded. We learn that Tunstell has kissed her and Ivy has JUST NOW realized there is conflict here.  Alexia advises against Ivy breaking off her engagement in order to be with Tunstell.  Ivy points out that Alexia married for love.  Allow me to paraphrase Alexia’s responds, “Ehhhh I don’t know if I LOVE him. But I did wanna get dicked.”

REALLY!?

I had to suffer through a book of your petty arguments for you to marry a dude, not because you had a great deal of affection for him, but for his quality erections?!

…..damn what a boss.

(Picture of Alexia wearing huge sungalsses with the text, “Dick or GTFO.”)

So Ivy hees and haws about her uncertainty on the matter. Alexia asks her if she liked kissing him. To which Ivy describes her fated kiss with the love of her life with a single poignant adjective.

Damp

DAMP!?

I was half expecting her to go on to say, “..it was damp, musky, crowded, poorly-lit, with spots of mildew. Oh no wait Tunstell was showing me his basement not kissing me. It’s weird how I mix those two up.”

Fucking hell!  I feel like there are way better silly naïve descriptions you can make about kissing.

“It was like I was being fed warm fruit salad….His lips were like honeydew, his tongue like a curious slice of cantaloupe, his teeth unripe blueberries, and his fingers were adventurous spoons.”

If you want to write Ivy without any creativity just maybe, “It was like a hug…but with our faces.”  

But Alexia is half-listening to Ivy this entire time and treats this all like an annoyance that she’s above.  A part of me related to that, because that’s how I feel about this entire book series. However it’s kinda hypocritical cause Ivy was patient and supportive through all of Alexia’s ramblings on her romantic bullshit.  And let’s be frank here, Ivy’s conflict between marrying for love or stability is cliché but it is a complex and serious problem. Last book Alexia was mad that a woman sat next to Maccon at a party, even though Alexia herself purposely moved her seating away from him.  So pardon me if I find Ivy’s conflict more interesting than that, you utter dipshit.

This story has that narcissistic writing pattern of, “When it happens to the protag it’s serious, but it’s a joke if something more serious happens to a side character.”

So Ivy cries a bunch and nothing is resolved. NOW IT’S TIME FOR DINNER!

So the dinner looks gross so Alexia gives it to Tunstell to eat.  She also needs to join in on the catty chorus of all these women snidely fat and slut shaming women who are neither of those things.  LeFoux just kicks back and gays up the place.  

Tunstell suddenly gets sick and staggers out onto the deck.  LeFoux and Alexia go out to see him.  LeFoux makes the shocking discovery…THAT HE HAS BEEN POISONED! DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!

Say something nice Faps:

Ivy’s crush vs. fiancé is finally a problem

This story is getting gayer

There was a line where Felicity is like, “Hurmph you big old man impersonator LeFoux you don’t care at all for a woman’s appearance” and LeFoux is like, “NAH BRO I TOTALLY DO!” And that was genuinely clever and it made me smile.

Alexia admitting she’s not sure if she loves her husband, was something I was not expecting. I mean a part of it is probably ye olde tsundere bullshit.  However I like the idea that Alexia, even after marriage is not SURE.  Love is a process, and things aren’t fixed if you gets hitched. So I like that detail so there.

[jeonsolar]

Miraculous Ladybug 2x13

Lets comment this again. So i’m starting a little late in the episode cuz I dont want to fake it, and I just remembered to do it, so lets go:

1:57 Someone hug Chloe!

1:59 Ok, the animation? Fucking awesome so far. Like something about Chloe looks so . . . perfect. This is good animation.

2:06 Chloe’s voice sounds different. Like she finally hit puberty. Also, wtf? Buy a second heart?

2:13 Also, Chloe’s back and in the spotlight, so what this hoe gonna do to akumatize another civilian? Also where was she? Sick? It was like 3 episodes. Betcha Gabriel went to the hospital and healed her with his bear hands. “I need you. There’s less angry people in the world, since you’ve been gone.”

2:17 Prediction: Chloe will steal Marinette’s gift, Marinette will throw a tantrum, no one will believe- everyone saw the gift. . . . or maybe chloe will throw it away.

2:34 I was right. But this bitch does know that everyone saw marinette bring this gift right? What does she expect? Everyone will forget?

2:59 Miss Bustier is Lily Evans.

3:00 How will she get mad?

3:14 . . . Not what I expected. Also, Bitch, if you want to get away with it don’t fucking smirk! This is why I can’t like Chloe. She’s not even a good nemesis. And bad people who smirk when they are caught because they know they will get away with it are the worst things to exist. FIGHT ME ON THIS.

3:21 EVERYONE’S VOICES SOUND LIKE THEY ALL HIT PUBERTY except Max and Adrien.

3:33 Yo, what drugs does she take cuz I want them. I need to be as happy as this psycho.

3:40 .... The entire class became the fandom. We’ve all said those things at one point, and Astruc is now fucking with us by pointing them out on his show.

3:47 I never considered that there are like 12 students in that class. That’s small.

4:04 I love every single time Astruc hints at akumatizing Marinette. Is like ‘haha, never gonna happen, but here’s a tease’. Also, whenever Mari gets angry like that she gets a shadow of her mask on her face. Watch the intro, after Chloe pushes her.

4:14 Predictions(again) Butterfly will get on its way to marinette, happy go lucky teacher will calm her down, butterfly will get confused. Still not sure how Discount Lily Evans gets akumatized.

4:54 Bustier saw the akuma, and desperately try to happy-up marinette.

4:54

Akuma: Here I go-

Marinette: *I’m not in trouble...*

Akuma: fuuuuuuuuuckkkkkk, wheeerrreee dooo I goooo noooww?

5:09

Akuma: I hate my job. Dude, just look for another person.

Hakwmoth: NO! This bitch has evaded me for far too long. Stay put!

Akuma: Ugh, I should have quit when I had the chance.

5:34 I’m so glad we finally get that scene of someone aware of those butterflies and freaking out about it. But sad that Discount Lily Evans doesn’t understand that by touching them you get akumatized.

5:52 YO! this show is getting serious with it’s story! I love this! An actual civilian fighting back! Finally! Dept! after the last childish episode this one is soooooo pleasing!

6:17 So my theory on my fanfic is becoming true. Hawkmoth can see into their mind and sweet talk just about anyone to do his biddings, no matter how nice you are. I feel smart.

6:25 From Marinette/Ladybug’s point of view, that had to be hard to watch. I was not prepared for feelings in this episode.

6:44 One swipe both lips? Damn! That lipstick IS magic!

7:27

Zombizou: And feel the love!

Chloe: Ew.

That’s good comedy right there. Because Chloe is all of us here in tumblr.

7:49 Thank God for the suit, because otherwise Marinette would have a broken neck, or a really bruised back and be unable to walk.

8:13 This got gay really quick.... can’t wait for it to get gayer.

8:27 I swear I read a fanfiction just like this. It ended with Ladybug and Chat Noir fucking.... Now I’m going to watch the pg version of it. Ugh. Or maybe this one will end with an orgy....

8:39 No Adrien, you can’t look back like you just lost a soldier in battle! They are just hugging and kissing! This is the sweetest and mellowest episode yet! You’ve been jokier and sillier through worse akumas!

9:38 Ok, it was bad definition. . . but I swear I saw Adrien in the kiss spell running to Ladybug.

9:53 They are saying ‘Kisses Kissu’ ... isn’t Kissu how Japanese/Korean people saying Kiss?

10:08 I’ve been waiting for this moment for too long. This is quickly becoming my most favorite episode.

10:30 I know why he did it, but what if he was also hoping to sneak one to Ladybug? Hahaha, funny Adrien.

10:50 Plagg and I share a brain.

11:14 .... So I CAN make the joke about french kissing! Thank you Astruc for dropping the steryotypes first!

11:51 this is getting close to becoming my fanfiction... I WROTE IT FIRST! (kinda, this episode was written a while ago)

12:03 . . . Bitch WANTS to get thrown to the hordes. Why else would she say shit like that.

12:18 Even Marinette sounds like she hit puberty. Can’t wait for Adrien to hit it too.

13:23 Don’t lie. You weren’t even trying to catch her with your arms spread like that.

13:47 ok no. Fuck this, no. Chloe is a brick and these fuckers are letting themselves drown with her. Rule number one of being a hero: The Needs of Many Overpower The Needs of One. Drop Chloe.

14:04 Woah . . .. Adrien’s voice just dropped.

14:28 Nevermind.

14:40 . . . Maze runner? Walking dead? iZOmbie? Every zombie movie cliche ever? ROSE? Why is it some get turned immediatly and Ladybug had a conversation with Kim before he turned?

15:04 What should happen: Alya and Nino, powercouple ftw, grab Chloe, look at Ladybug and Chat Noir straight in the eyes, and just throw her towards Rose. What will happen: bitch will probably be the only one besides Ladybug to not get turned cuz Chat tends to fall for these a lot.

15:52 Oh the romance! Yes! More Nilya! Make it like Titanic:

Nino: I’ll never let go Alya, I’ll never let go!

Alya: For the love of god Nino, just go, I ain’t dying.

Nino: *whispers really close to her face* I’ll never let go!

16:08 . . . These are just kisses right? Why they acting like they gonna die if they stay like zombies for more than an hour? It aint fatal!

16:14 THROW HER OUT!

16:19 I’m so glad Nilya is here, cause waiting for Ladynoir or Adrienette is killing me and Nilya is my life support.

16:24

Nino: Lets make out babe!

Alya: Kissu!

Nino: YES!

16:49 Predictable: Chat Noir gets taken. Unpredictable: Ladybug acting like her boyfriend was taken. just partners huh?

16:55

Ladybug: Chat! I’ll save you!

Chat: I’ll just stay here Ladybug, if we are gonna end up kissing, I’d rather it be after you save us.

Ladybug: ... This . .. this isn’t the right time to flirt Chat. Why do you always do this?

17:23 ... Dark Owl had her earring almost off and this is the closest you’ve gotten, Hawkmoth? How do YOU measure it?

17:40 His voice dropped again. the actor should stop highpithing his voice and let Adrien hit puberty too. #LetAdrienHitPuberty2k18

17:43 WHAT WAS SHE EXPECTING?

17:56 This revelation will last till the end of the battle then she’ll be a bitch again. Change my mind.

17:59 I hope they keep making more animations of Chat with weird faces like that. We need them for the memes.

18:01 Ok, fine. 5 points to Chloe. But she’s on -6,458,827,247 so she’s got a long way to go.

18:04 -6,458,827,227

18:36 LIPSTICKS ARE EXPENSIVE LADYBUG!

18:58 So by these standards Nino and Alya should be getting it on downstairs, right?

19:24 They didn’t show us Nilya... they are Getting. It. On. Also, #TellUsWhatHappenedToEmilieAgreste2k18

19:53 Hasn’t said anything but “No.” yet, but .... -6,458,827,200

20:17 -6,458,826,000

20:24 -6,458,826,200

20:37 that number is long to write, just add a -500 more for me being right that she would revert to Bitch Chloe when this was over.

21:29 ... What happened between Nino and Alya?

--

OK, call me Cinema Sins cause that’s basically what I’m doing. Overall, I love this episode. It had the beauty of a fanfiction. Thomas Astruc and his team are reading fanfics #confirmed. But yeah, they had to soften Chloe at one point to turn her into Queen Bee. And Marinette will most likely do it, so she had to see it. There.

#Chloeisabrickmadeofclayandisfinallydisolvinginwater.

[leofrith]

spoilers and unrestrained bitching re: pacific rim uprising under the cut :)

seriously, guys. i really get into it so don’t click if you want to remain spoiler free. or, you know, do click if you want to know what you’re in for. :/

i have so much to say about this fucking film. good christ.

first of all: THEY ACTUALLY DID MAKO MORI DIRTY LIKE THAT

mako mori, of mako mori test fame, had less than 20 minutes of screen time and then died in a helicopter crash. not in a conn-pod, not saving the world, in a helicopter. and what’s even worse is that she died while trying to send info to the ppdc which led to absolutely nowhere!! it led to a dead end in literal siberia!! what the fuck!!  

they basically fridged her for the sake of giving jake motivation (which he apparently didn’t already have enough of??? ok) and they mourned her for 4 minutes max and then moved on!! i am SEETHING.

i hate the fucking scientists. jesus fucking christ. 

(actually, i should give gottlieb cause i liked him, possibly even slightly more than i liked him in the first movie. but god, newt.)

newt is the villain. in a really shitty mustache twirling sort of way. and the way they go about it is actually really believable and would work a lot better if newt wasn’t already so fucking annoying. 

they killed mako mori and made the scientists the most important returning characters from the original film. they really did that. 

there were way too many new characters and the movie was not long enough to introduce them properly or make anyone care about them at all. i don’t even remember any of the new pilot cadet’s names aside from amara and viktoria (and in viktoria’s case, only because they made a big damn deal out of her hating her name)

scott eastwood’s character was boring. he was so boring. like you know how people say how raleigh could have been that bland and boring angsty and refusing to listen to authority white action hero male lead we see in every film ever, but instead he subverted every shitty ? that’s who scott eastwood’s character is.

that fucking love triangle or whatever the hell that was was forced. and even if it wasn’t forced it was half-assed. adria arjona’s character literally only existed as an object for nate and jake to feud over in some kind of shitty comedic side plot and it was absolutely infuriating to watch

some of the dialogue honest to god made me cringe.

all i’m saying is steven s. deknight can’t fucking write. (haha i made a rhyme) 

john boyega, bless your heart, you tried to work with this. i loved jake pentecost. i loved what little we saw of the his relationship with mako. jake and nate were almost really compelling as a duo but you know what would have made them more compelling? make it gayer. (jake pentecost is a flaming bisexual, by the way)

the opening montage was like, so bad? in the first film it was fantastic because they used news archive style footage feat raleigh’s voiceover and managed to do so much world building in a very short amount of time. but this time it was all recycled footage from the first film and they didn’t even try to be creative with it??.  

they also continued to recycle footage throughout the whole film. and it was like they ran out of money or something?? idk.

they recycled so much from the first film but didn’t even try to improve or put a spin on anything they re-used. everything was like a discount version of pacific rim.

i miss loml charlie hunnam. 

they basically took everything that was good about pacific rim and did the exact opposite. great. 

and, oh my god, fuck newton geiszler. 

[ourimpavidheroine]

I was so upset about how Voltron Season 2 ended. I thought it would end like LOK with an LGBT+ pairing (didn't matter which, I just wanted one) holding hands or something and then pick up next season. I don't know, I really, really hope that comment an interviewer made was about the third season because I'm kind of feeling a bit queerbaited. And Hunk was resorted to jokes about food. That's a big step back from last season. Let's just hope for a better (and gayer) third season.

Just in case…

Spoilers beneath the cut. You have been warned!

Yep. It was queerbaiting comment, for sure. All is forgiven if they were talking about Season 3 and follow through with it, of course. That comment confused me in general, though. I don’t really feel there was anything going on in Season 2 that couldn’t have been shown on CN or Nick, for example. I mean, maybe a few of the fight scenes might have been a shade toned down (and I am just being nitpicky) but certainly there was nothing romantic/sexual/gender questioning going on at all with anyone! That much I will give them - there are no romantic relationships of any sort on the show if we get past the glimpses we’ve seen of the Paladins’ parents. Heck, we don’t even know if Rolo and Nyma are a romantic couple, it just wasn’t played that way. The closest we get is Lance’s feeble womanizing (which absolutely no one takes seriously, including Lance, although it’s starting to border on assholery with Allura since she’s clearly not interested and he keeps pushing it, come on, showrunners, don’t do that shit, it ain’t cute) and the group’s gentle teasing of Hunk with regards to Shay (which clearly doesn’t upset or bother Hunk at all).

Now clearly a character can be LGBT+ without having their sex life actually addressed (no really, Hollywood, it’s true!) but since, outside of Lance, they haven’t addressed anyone’s sexuality at all I don’t think they are being coy about it. Our seven main characters have been utterly focused on the fight with Zarkon and that’s it. Which is fine with me at this point.

They did make it clear this season that Pidge thinks of herself as a girl - she even refers to her lion as “Girl” (which I loved, by the way). Doesn’t mean that Pidge couldn’t be LGBT+ of course! (A baby queer Pidge sporting a huge crush on a girl would delight me to no end, although she seems to feel that way for mechanics and I am down with Ace and/or Aro Pidge if that’s how they want to play it.) 

I know the fans want a Lance/Keith pairing, but I have to be honest and say that at this point the two of them are coming across as bickering siblings far more than two guys who have unrealized crushes on each other - especially in light of the comment that they are going to address sexuality on the show! I mean, if they are going to address it, why leave it all up to easily misconstrued and very subtle subtext? Watching the two of them in action is like watching my twins in action. If the actors are supposed to be playing it that these two guys are attracted to each other but either don’t know it or don’t know how to play it, they are not convincing me. The point I am trying to make is that if the showrunners were trying to sort of fly under the radar with it - the way Bryke did with Korrasami - that would be one thing. But they’ve stated that they are not, so what’s with making the fans dig really deep for it? It would not be done that way if it were two hetero people having a love/hate attraction kind of thing, and that’s what gets me. Either treat it the same or don’t do it at all, you know? And maybe I’ll change my mind on a second viewing (I was watching it with a sick kid and also taking care of her, so I’ll admit I may have missed something) but yeah. I don’t know. Maybe I am asking too much. Either do it so that the kids watching - not the older teens/adults watching, but the actual intended audience - understand that these two characters are in love/have a relationship or don’t do it at all. (And it can be done. Kids understand that Pearl loved Rose and wanted her to be her girlfriend, Clyde on Loud House has two dads, and Mitch from ParaNorman has a boyfriend.) But instead we’ve got Lance wanting to know if Keith and Allura are in a tree (HA!) and yes, as I grownup lady I could take it that Lance is actually jealous at the thought that Keith might be kissing someone else, but kids are not going to get that, because Lance is always going on and on about Allura. They are going to assume he is worried that Allura is kissing someone else, and that is entirely my point.

That could change of course - and if done right, having the two of them realize they have feelings for each other and then having the atmosphere between them do a 180 would be great and I would be there for it. But uh, speaking as an older person, a teacher, and a mother, the last fucking thing you want on a ship where everyone is desperately scrambling to get ready to fight a deadly enemy would be two teenage boys distracted from training by trying to get it on at every possible minute. OMG.

And I think that is the point, really. Not that much time is supposed to have passed between a bunch of kids still at the Garrison to that big fight with Zarkon and Haggar. We are talking months, not years. They’ve had no time to really focus on their personal lives. We’ve seen growth - I just LOVED Pidge’s episode where she bonded further with her forest lion despite her pale skin and allergies (god, I love her) and obviously Keith was the focus this season and got a lot of growth as well. (Hunk’s referral to him as “Keith” and “Galra Keith” had me on the floor.)

I did love that Lance, as a presumed straight boy, rocked the face mask - why the fuck can’t straight boys give a damn about their appearance? And I did love that we were shown that Hunk has a true love for food and for feeding people, not just eating. I do feel that his smarts are getting overshadowed by Pidge’s - I mean, Hunk is supposed to be an engineer but he’s not doing any of that, Pidge has taken over. I think his character needs a little love next season, for sure. Although how much did I love Hunk and Pidge holding hands and crying when they were going to be separated? SO MUCH. And Jeremy Shada confirmed that he’s working on his Spanish so that Lance can speak it convincingly, which gets my full and hearty approval. More Cuban boy speaking Spanish, please!

Do you know who I would really like to come out? Shiro. Not Lance, not Keith, but Shiro. Having the main male protagonist, the hero of the show, the strong one, the father figure, be gay? THAT is what I would like to see. I don’t want to see Allura in any kind of romantic relationship at this point - she’s been asleep for 10,000 years only to wake up and realize her planet and her people and everything she knew is gone, give the woman some breathing space to grieve and deal (which she has not done, by the way, and I want to know if that’s going to be addressed or if the showrunners are just going to sort of let it slide and hope we’ll forget about it). I am not at all invested in a Shiro and Allura relationship, which I don’t think would work (too many cooks and not enough assistants, if you catch my meaning) and anyhow, Shiro’s my pick for being a LGBT+ character. 

I wasn’t disappointed by season 2, although it wasn’t quite what I had hoped for. The characters didn’t come along as far as I had hoped, which is a pity. Here’s hoping season 3 will go deeper into that. But that sexuality comment still confuses the fuck out of me, because, like I said, outside of Lance’s half-assed womanizing (which could certainly be read as the lady doth protest too much, I will grant you) there was nothing about sexuality at all, be it straight, gay or anything in between. So I think it must refer to season 3. It has to!

[thosedaysthatwill]

multiples of 5!

5. Favorite weapon: I mean, nothing beats a sword. I have a bastard hand-and-a-half and man you’d have to really be angry to kill someone with that thing. It’s heavy and awkward and I love it. The history of sword fighting is so interesting too. I’ve never held a real katana, but I’d love to someday. There’s something real and meaningful about fighting with a sword over range weapons. Like you have to study and really mean it. There’s no accidental sword fighting. Of course, in all my revolutionary research I’ve been doing lately, and getting to see a live demo a few times, I do enjoy the single shot musket, too. There’s a rawness to the sound and smell and smoke of a musket fire, it really shows the horror of being on that kind of battlefield in the middle of that kind of special hell.

10. What pieces of art related to history do you like the most? You should have seen me in the MFA in the Ancient Greek pottery room. Like holy fuck, I was just standing there staring at the black and terracotta pottery and just... holy fuck. Like it was magical. There was one in particular, a little oil bottle with an owl on it that I just... it was hard to walk away from. I just connected so damn hard. I have always loved the painting The School of Athens and have had it hanging in my room for a long time. There’s just so much to look at and it’s so interesting from a historical point of view. I also have fun with Paul Revere’s engraving of the Boston Massacre because he was so damn biased and he wasn’t even trying to hide it. Like those damn Redcoats shot our dogs and our poor innocent white men! 

15. Were the history classes taught in an interesting way in your school, college, or university? What would you do to improve them if you were the teacher/lecturer? Oh holy fuck. I don’t get how I got into history with as BADLY as it was taught when I was younger. I mean I used to go out and do my own research and I was that kid that would raise her hand and be like “Actually, I read that...” and fuck around with the teacher and the kids would get mad at me because “just shut up, this won’t be on the test”. But yeah, it was not taught very well. Like I never knew how many founding fathers owned slaves until I was much older. Like they were all mighty heroes. And gay people? There were no gay people in history! But now? Ohhh my kids know the REAL history. Like okay, I was teaching about the explorers and I had my kids read their text book and fill out the worksheet that came with it, which was pretty much “what were they after and why did they sail?” and then I brought them to the rug and said, “You ready? We’re going to learn the REAL history of the explorers now...” And fuck they loved it so much. Cortes was so fucking full of himself! And no one thought he was a god except himself and his own fucking ego. And did the kids laugh? Dude, it was great. I love teaching history. 

20. Who, if anyone, is your historical crush? The person that jumps to mind is Hephaestion. But only when I’m more male than female, because there was never a gayer gay dude in history. But he was loyal and devoted and that’s crush-worthy as all hell. But looking at things more female than male, I don’t think any of the men in history would have treated me as an equal which really harshs any crush I could possibly have. On the girl side, Grace O’Malley, if her story is true, or Anne Bonny. I love the idea of an outlaw or rebel, but I don’t know if in practice I would have liked that kind of never-rest lifestyle. I guess my best answer is that I have a crush on the idea of an outlaw or a rebel, without having it on any one specific one.

25. Who is the most overrated historical figure, in your opinion? Thomas Jefferson jumps to mind. Ugh, I don’t think I could like a human being less. Like how horribly hypocritical can a person be?! You write about freedom and liberty and you think it’s okay to own humans and keep your own children hidden away in a windowless room? Whether he cared for Sally or not, he was under the impression that she was his property and her children were worth nothing more than a footstool or lampshade. Second to him would be Christopher Columbus. Because is there anyone less deserving of having a holiday named for them? I mean I know it was the fault of the Italians that wanted a special day off and St Joseph didn’t get the popularity that St Patrick did, but still, they needed to pick someone else. Because Columbus was a genocidal asshole.

THANKS FOR ASKING! THAT WAS FUN!!

[venofire-moved]

🖊🖊🖊🖊🖊🖊🖊🖊🖊🖊🖊🖊

Rori Faith

   Baby! The most kindhearted young woman you’d ever meet! Even despite all the shit she’s been through, and all the meanness she’s witnessed first hand, Rori remains to be the kindest lady ever. Dressed in Saburan attire, with the symbols of the hostile desert tribe patterning her clothing, she was immediately looked down on in the world outside the desert just as much as she had been in the desert. She never belonged anywhere, because to the Saburans, she was an outsider, being born in their prison cells of an impure woman, but since she was born on holy ground, they couldn’t get rid of her. 

   The Saburan’s hostility to outsiders was known so well throughout all of Emtiris that the moment she was banished, she wasn’t welcome there either, and instead of becoming jaded, Rori tried to help and show that she meant them no harm! 

   She’s the sweetest lady honestly- she loves cooking, will spend all of her time doing it if she could, and it definitely shows. Gordon Ramsay would adore her. She gives her food to the homeless and in need, and honestly, she gets taken advantage of quite a bit because of her kindness. Some times she knows, some times she doesn’t realize, but she doesn’t really mind either way- it’s not going to change it. She is selflessly sweet to the point she would sacrifice herself for just about anyone, and has dedicated her own life to the preservation of the world and it’s inhabitants, both in morality and literally, as she took a vow to the Aranthian Goddess of Life to do so. As if she didn’t already have a green thumb, everything she grows is absolutely delicious or incredibly beautiful. Life itself clearly appreciates all the genuine hard work Rori is willing to do at all times. 

Keiji Yura 

   An adorable baker and red squirrel hybrid. I don’t know how she doesn’t get all sorts of fluff in the things she bakes with a tail like that, but whatever she’s doing, she’s doing it right, because she runs one of the best bakeries in southern Sorestras. On top of that, she’s a full-time thief under Elliot, and her shop, with all of it’s hidden little nooks and crannies, serves as a safe place and hiding spot for any thief that may have fallen into a trap and been spotted by the guards. 

   She’s a very energetic little thing, but don’t be fooled by that- she’s got both a vile temper and a terrible mouth. You may not notice it at first in her excited delivery but just about everything she says is some sort of backhanded compliment, or downright rude. She’s ungodly sarcastic, and if you call her short, she snubs you. You no longer exist to her and her pastel pink platform heels that she’s constantly in. 

Ariselli Ves-Loudain

    Quiet and serious, with a resting bitch face that doesn’t match her helpful behavior. Ariselli has nearly unending patience, but she doesn’t look like she does- one glance at her and you’d assume that she’s about to stab you- which you might be right, but only because she’s a medical professional and you need a shot. She’s a conservative little thing with a clinic in a small town in Sorestras, but when her clinic closes for the day, she doubles as a thief under Elliot, in his crew of robinhoods. With poverty rampant in some parts of Sorestras, she often focuses on stealing food and dimes from the rich to give back to the poor, and also tends to help the sick free of charge.

 Veselin Vetarra

    Another that’s quiet and serious, at least in appearance. One look at him and you’d guess he’s some sort of brute! And really, with his hot temper, he probably should be. He’s a muscular Amaloran half-elf that wields a unique trap-weapon, but isn’t what he seems. His shyness stems from selective mutism, and the moment you talk to him, he melts into a look of confusion and nervousness, stuttering out short responses just to get the conversation over with. And despite his muscle and his nerve-driven temper, Veselin practices in healing based magic, which he lends fully to the underground organization run by Anhalia Saitoman, known as Evoltsiya.

    Though he wanted to stay and help in the revolution brewing in Amalar, Anhalia elected to keep his sister, Eva Vetarra back, and send him to aid Evoles, to form an alliance with the soon-to-be High Queen, Lillia Caibre. 

Aspen Varro

    Monotone witch that loves purple and taking the gods for granted. A bully herself, but the moment you say something rude, she’ll piss you off endlessly with her near inability to get angry and the fact that she will literally say ‘ew’ until you storm off (Looking at Kralie). Memes, conspiracies, black cats, and magic, she somehow finds herself working with Ezriel and Gwen to stop the possible end of humanity and I assure you, she is not the kind of hero anyone wants. 

Nataly Veltra

   The young Queen of Emtiris. The older sister of two heirs to the throne, and after her mother passed, she took on the position herself at only 19. She’d been ruling for only two years when disaster struck the western half of her country- a circle of dormant volcanoes that hadn’t ever had an eruption in recorded history suddenly released all of their building fury, taking down a massive part of Emtiris as well as affecting the waters off that coast to a point that trades had to be cut off from all countries on that side. This left Nataly hurriedly trying to get help from the east- Amalar and Evoles came to her aid, but it managed to put her country in debt to both… 

    She’s a quick thinking young woman with a lot on her shoulders, though the stress never really shows through. Instead, she puts on a polite, happy demeanor, with clear grace and regality in every step. She tends to take things at face value, unfortunately, and occasionally gets a little messed up by it. She’s the  kind of person that googles something, reads the first line of the wiki, and thinks she knows the whole thing. 

Kaori [–]

   Necromancer and Sekan. Vaisa’s raiser, and a woman that’s very sick of oppression. One of the chosen Queen’s of Valya Caibre, and likely would have been the next to take the throne if Lillia hadn’t forged the papers, because Kaori is cruel, cold, and ready to slaughter any human that gets in her way of a good meal. Having suffered through near starvation for decades, she’s done putting herself below others to avoid feeling like a monster, and her armies of powerful magic enhanced undead will help her get her way. 

    Y’know, originally, she had a husband named Kamina, but the more I write her, the gayer she feels. Kamina was always a toy she raised and used for her own entertainment anyway.

 Gwendalyn Caira 

   I honestly don’t know a whole lot about Gwen and Ezriel. I’m excited to get to know them both more as I start on Aspen and Dire’s story, because I feel like to be grouped up with Aspen, they’ll have to be entertaining people. When I think about Gwen, she seems like the motherly type. To me, she seems like she’ll treat Aspen and Ezriel the way Buddy does Baby in the beginning of Baby Driver, particularly when they discuss his killer track the first time, then listen to it together.

Tya Maraise

   Should I really start on this because I will ramble for days on how much I love Tya. Like I treat her like shit, and I insult her allllll the time, because god damn does she suck, and she FRUSTRATES ME TO NO END with the way she manages to ALWAYS fuck a story up when I’m in the middle of writing it, but god, she’s my favorite character. 

     She’s seriously so fucking stubborn that I’ve had to revamp her story four times because every time I’d settle on a catalyst for her to actually cooperate with the story, and as I was writing it, I’d write through her thought process and she’d come to the conclusion that she either didn’t care that much about what I set for her, or that something else would effect it, like she didn’t care about the possibility of her dad being targeted by Valya’s crew because she knew her mother would rip apart any asshole that came at him, and she knew that it didn’t matter if she helped Lillia, or told Lillia off as I wanted her to, because if she stayed back and refused to help, Lillia was going to die anyway. Right now I’m still working on a path for her, but she screwed that up too by acting like Kralie does when Toby’s mentioned, meaning OVERREACTING WAY TOO GOD DAMN MUCH when Vaisa requested a presence with Lillia. Now she’s justbeing a depressed baby in a prison cell. 

  But I digress Tya is a stubborn asshole, and as bad as I feel picking favorites among my characters, she is my favorite- her and Lucien. So here are some secrets about her that I adore but she’ll never ever tell other people: She loves jumping on the bed. It’s the first thing she did when she moved into the castle in Evoles, and if anyone ever caught her doing it, she’d probably hire a hitman. 

   She daydreams about adventures she could possibly go on, but more often than not she spends allllll of her time dreaming about possible answers to the world’s mysteries, and that’s thanks to Vaisa because the first night she talked with him on a friendly basis, they spent hours coming up with ludicrous answers, and she absolutely loves it. 

    The reason she loves people that are the exact opposite of her, meaning highly active idiots with a great sense of humor, is because she really wants to be like that but doesn’t really know how. A lot of the time as it is, she says that conversation is an annoyance to her, and that’s because it’s really really foreign and thinking over what to say, and how to say it and whether or not she’s going to offend someone and run them off and something like that is a huuuugeee nuisance that just stresses her out, so she elects to not talk to people so she doesn’t have to deal with it. 

    She doesn’t actually like being alone all the time- that’s why one of the most intimate things you can do for her is sit with her, and that sound stupid, but to her it’s an understanding that despite the fact that she says she hates being around people, you know that she doesn’t, so long as she knows she’s not going to run you off easily. So if you sit and you don’t force her to endure the stress of a conversation, but let her enjoy your presence, then she absolutely adores it. Alternatively, if you do like @infeliicis’s Zelda did, and you break into her space and start telling her about things she’s interested in, she will immediately adore you because! Please tell her stories!! 

   Though she looooveess history and loves seeing and finding historical things, she’s just as good with reading it most of the time. Her actual dream is to own a bakery! She doesn’t like telling people this, especially ones that know her, because she has no sense of smell and a severely dulled sense of taste, and she always feels like people are going to be rude about the fact that she won’t know if what she’s cooking is good, because she can’t taste it. But she knows recipes really well, even if she prefers wayyyyyy too much goddamn cinnamon in everything she eats, she knows the amount she should put in something for others, and she also knows that they can’t handle the amount of spice she can, though she may have found that one out by destroying her poor father’s sense of taste. 

   Okay this got long so if you want me to ramble more about Tya, send another one for her and I’ll dedicate it specifically to my girl. 

Desil Ves-Anev

   Desil is a Soresean blacksmith (and part time thief with Elliot) that loves learning about historical weaponry. He’s always super up for an adventure or a hike, and his adventurousness is a big part of his charm as well as his gorgeous complexion. Ladies in his town absolutely love him because he’s got a naive air about him, and is kinda of dense but is undeniably, accidentally suave. Some times, women just love looking at a sweaty muscular man with his shirt open to cool off as he works hot metal into a nice blade. Who doesn’t, tbh. 

   Anyway, he’s super into historic weaponry, and honestly wants to make something so renowned that it’ll be written in books for ages, but he hasn’t really gotten to that point yet. Instead, he’s aiming to collect a bunch of stuff and open a museum where people can come admire those and even get their own copies made by him, possibly without the enchantments since, despite being elven, he has no idea how to work magic. 

Dire

   Big ol’ wolf boy Dire was once the Wind Ancient. Another energetic soul, incredibly naive and loveable, the epitome of innocence and childlike curiosity and wonder, and that still pretty much sums up his personality, even though he doesn’t remember that life at all. Centuries after the fall of the Ancients, Wind’s soul was plucked from the skies by Life, and she stuffed it into the fresh corpse of the last remaining Dire Wolf in Arantis, after watching it be hunted for its thick, warm coat. She revived and healed the wolf, and transferred to it a portion of her magic, thus allowing it to take the form of both a Dire Wolf and a human so it could be sent off on a mission for her.

    Despite his previous appearance as wind being monochrome white and gray, he’s taken on the body of a pole shaped, tan skinned, freckly boy with wide eyes and a haircut that’s only a step above a bowl cut. Since he was quite literally born yesterday, and also has the personality of a dog, you can bet your ass he’s going to be excited about literally every single thing you put in front of him, and honestly, it’s adorable. 

Cedric Rega

   Cedric is an adventurer through and through. He can’t ever stay in place for too long without getting restless, because there’s soooo much to see! He’s one of those people that’s always got a million stories to tell, isn’t afraid to get his hands dirty, and god damn is he good with animals- particularly horses. He’s quick to step in to any situation where anything is getting harassed, and doesn’t really seem to understand that some times the circle of life just has to go through- animals hunt, but if he has any say in it, nothing is gonna die on his watch, it’ll at least have to wait until he’s no longer in view. 

   He’s quick to take action on things that he sees are bad, and would be a great sell-sword in Skyrim.