#people are way too fucking comfortable demanding shit of content creators these days

[ihaterossfromfriends]

Me when I think too hard about what the internet/lily orchard did to steven universe

[ID. cause I know tumblr's video player is shit. Jontron sitting on a couch in his basement points at the camera and says "you fuckers! YOU FUCKERS! I WILL RAIN HELLFIRE UPON YOU!" as the video and audio distorts to emphasize his frustration]

[spnfanficpond]

September Angel Fish Awards

(New Angel Fish design by @slytherkins!!)

WELCOME TO THIS MONTH’S ANGEL FISH AWARDS

Every month all of you fantastic writers work your asses off to post some truly incredible stories. Our Angel Fish Awards are the way for all of us, as a community of writers and readers, to lift each other up and give praise to those who have captured our attention and deserve a few kind words.

The monthly Angel Fish Awards are peer-nominated, meaning ANYONE IN THE POND CAN NOMINATE ANY POND MEMBER’S FIC. Everyone in this community deserves to be showered with love and feedback, and we hope that this fun, thoughtful award will do just that. 

Be sure to read through this whole post as people who were nominated more than once only had one tag activated for tumblr tagging purposes!

WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, HERE ARE SEPTEMBER’S ANGEL FISH AWARDS!

Nominated by @impalaimagining

From Far Away by @plaid-lover-bay25

This fic is all kinds of sweet. We all know Jensen is perfect and will probably never need glasses to see, no matter what time does to his eyes, but HOO the thought of that man looking over the brim of his glasses when he looks up from his book to meet your eyes? Even if it’s through a screen? Count me ALL the way in.

Silver Lining  by @luci-in-trenchcoats

All I want for the rest of my life is to be right in the moment that exists within this fic. It’s so warm and cozy, even if it does get a bit overheated at times with all that shared body heat. I will gladly accept a few uncomfortably sweaty moments if it means having the two of them just like this.

Pit Stop by @stusbunker

This made me feel so many things. Honestly, it’s thrilling to think about hiding in plain sight like this. 10/10 would recommend public sex with Dean, even if it does mean the occasional scrape from the tree bark.

Nominated by @emilyshurley

Beautiful Ghosts by  @herstarburststories 

Okay picture this, me holding my cup of tea in the morning, crying my eyes out as I’m reading this. Because that’s exactly what happened. 

( Ahh… the angst in this one. This fic left me in tears. Can’t wait to read more parts.) ((submitted twice))

Calm after the storm by @thegirlwhorunswithwinchesters

An adorable Dean fluff. There is something so comforting about how Dean interacts with the reader.

How not to kill someone by @myinconnelly1

A short but chaotic fic and is totally worth the read.

What a wonderful world by @wingedcatninja

The imagery is so great, you can almost feel everything  Sam must be feeling.

A little trip by @mariekoukie6661

Though I have never been inside an Ikea I had a constant smile on my face reading this. And now my face hurts…

Nominated by @waywardnerd67

Mr Pretty Face by @carryonmywaywardcaptain

I want to nominate @carryonmywaywardcaptain Mr. Pretty Face. This was the most adorable fic in the world. Jordan aka Cap is getting her groove back and the world should be graced by her talents! Plus she’s just an awesome person.

Nominated by @sorenmarie87

No More Living A Lie by @fictionalabyss

I know it’s an older fic but the idea of Cas and reader being in a fake relationship (I’d say more but it gives away the story) is fantastic.  

The Real Deal by @firefly-in-darkness

I’m no stranger to reading smut but holy crap!  After a hunt, all you wanna do is sleep but your friend sends you something… and you can’t help yourself.  I don’t know what else to say besides that you should check it out.  

Flesh - January Jingle by @myinconnelly1

I still need to listen to the song this fic is based off of but damn.  This one is great~~ Definitely leaves you wanting more.  

Nominated by @mariekoukie6661

Know How It Feels by @supernatural-jackles

I love that one because then the boys would understand what cramps feel like for real!

Some Kind of Sadness by @supernatural-jackles

I love this one because Jen just writes all the emotion so well!!

That’s Alpha or Sir To You, Baby Girl by @sorenmarie87

Dawn worked so hard on this one!! It’s so good!! I just love the fluff and the domestic!!

What’s The Little Guys Name by @sorenmarie87

The Weechester, the little banter between everyone! My heart!! I love this so much!

Nominated by @fictionalabyss

The Way You Lie by @cockslut-padalecki 

 this one hit the nail on the head. How you can know with ever fiber of your being that you need to leave, run, but you find yourself right back there.

Wanna Help A Girl Out? by @sorenmarie87

“Now, will you be a good girl and get on your knees for me?  I believe you owe me something…” that last line had me demanding, nay screaming, for more.

Bikini Inspector  by sorenmarie87 

because sometimes it’s just fun to mess with a guy.

Pineapple and Pizza  by @cloverhighfive 

STILL SCREAMING ABOUT THAT CLIFFHANGER lol. Seriously, though. I don’t dive too deep into ships usually, but I LOVED this little series.

All The Good Girls Go To Hell. (Prologue - chapter 9)  by @cockslut-padalecki 

This fucking series. Holy shit. The smut = perfection and the jealousy and need are on fucking point. Hell yes. this is a must read. a filthy, dirty, must read.

Nominated by @ellewritesfix05​

Don't Test Your Luck  by @downanddirtydean

All the smutty goodness that you could possibly need. The attention to detail, the way it flows seamlessly, the heart-stopping fluff. It’s a total hit and literally one of my favorite fics I’ve ever read! I adore everything Lydia writes and this is simply a must-read.

Homework Help  by @downanddirtydean

Lydia is an amazing writer and talented creator. College-me had a heart attack reading this! It’s so delicious and naughty! 100/10 would recommend!

Life For Rent Chapter 27 by @winchest09

The entirety of Life For Rent is absolutely amazing. Tabby is extremely talented and creative, but this particular chapter is just so wonderfully written, I think it deserves a spotlight. The whole time, you can see yourself in the moment. The way she captures and conveys emotion is nothing short of genius.

Nominated by @mrswhozeewhatsis

His Property by @negans-lucille-tblr

I’m nominating this whole dang series, plus both of the sequels!! Yeah, it’s smutty, but it also gets into the psychological issues, especially in the third series, Her Property. There is some possibly triggering content in the first series, which is discussed throughout the second and third, so if that could be a problem, then you might want to skip it. If you’re not easily triggered, though, this is a great story. And the smut is primo, too!!

The Last Visit by @laxe-from-outer-space 

Well, crap, guys. This one just hurts. Talk about taking my heart out back and beating the crap out of it. If you’ve got the tissues handy, definitely give this one a read!

Nominated by @manawhaat

About Bar Fights and Moobs by @cajunquandary

This is a perfect example of the ridiculousness that seems to follow the Winchesters everywhere. This is totally believable and gave me a good laugh.

Keep Me Company by @butiaintgonnaloveem

I’ll never get over how spot on this is for Ketch. It not only shows us a side we don’t get enough of on the show, but it also just shows a whole other side of him that feels so incredibly real and part of his layered persona. 

Calm by @winchesterswoonathon

This is a seriously lovely series about John and all those feelings he has the power to evoke in the people around him. It’s everything I love about him all mashed into a fucking delightful story. 

You Ever by @luci-in-trenchcoats

One of the things I love about Dean is his willingness to be there and help others when they’re having a hard time. He’s the ultimate comfort buddy and this fic is a prime example of his loyalty and sincerity. It’s a little sad but it’s sweet and comforting even in the angst. 

Nominated by @myinconnelly1

The Baby In The Impala by @a-fallen-angel-with-a-shotgun

 DADDY!DEAN!!!! to the max. This was so sweet, I can't even word properly!

One Room Left by @luci-in-trenchcoats

The amount of fluff present in the fic overwhelmed me

Imagine Getting A Sunburn by luci-in-trenchcoats​

Some cute fluff right here and nothing else needs said, read it

Dirty Little Secret by @hardcoresupernatural

 This had the trinity! Hot as fuck, adorable as all get out, and funny as shit. Read it!

Love Me Or Leave Me by @princessmisery666​

 This hurt so much and i wanted to cry. It had that feeling of being real.

Daddy’s A Superhero by @msmarvelouswinchester

Being a parent is hard and hearing a child of any age say they hate you is so hurtful. This was written so well.

Loving You by @emilyshurley​

I will never have enough good things to say about @emilyshurley but this fic was so hurtful and i'm still mad at her.

Finding Dean Masturbating In Your Room by @carryonmywaywardwriters​

 Very dirty and very hot!

Because Of Mistletoe by @idreamofplaid​

Happy half christmas drabble!

Halfway by @holylulusworld​

Dude i was crying so hard.  I just can't even talk about it.

The Frog Prince - or How To Kiss the Impala by holylulusworld

SO CUTE!!!! Absolutely adorable and i love protective!dean

Enough Both Of You by @fictionalabyss​

HOLY FUCKING SHIT this was so dirty and wrong and i love it!

Fatherless Son by fictionalabyss

I really like this series it was exactly what i think of for step!dad Dean!! chef's kiss 

You’re Home Early by fictionalabyss

This was just fun.  They both knew it was bad but they both loved it!

Risky by fictionalabyss

Alright look, if you ever post anything like this again, i want to be tagged.  I will make the fucking time for this every goddamn day!  So wrong, i love it

Finally by @there-must-be-a-lock​

super well written.  it felt so real to the characters and it was incredibly hot

A Huntress In The King of Hell’s Court by @crashdevlin​

I love when time travel is incorporated well in a fic, and this is exactly what i'm talking about!

Fan Mail by @waywardnerd67​

I can't not deal with my emotions on this fic.  It is so fluffy and i'm here for all of it 

One Night Changes Everything by @a-winchester-fairytale​

This ride was so hard i couldn't even comment on ever part.  I just had to rush through the whole thing so i could find out what would happen. 

Mated In The Darkness by @mummybear​

There are not enough words in the world to explain why i loved this fic so much!

Caught In The Act by mummybear

It's smut people.  Its dirty and fucking amazing smut!

Thank you all for the awesome work and great feedback!

These are not actual awards! This system is set up so everyone in the pond has a chance to share the love and promote a fic/author that has grabbed your attention. The more people that participate, and the more everyone remembers to submit their own fics after posting, the better this will be :D

THANK YOU ALL AGAIN, KEEP UP THE AMAZING WORK, AND AS ALWAYS, HAPPY WRITING!

[the-melting-world]

I don’t have the energy for this shit (because I know the people that I’ve unfollowed are not open to correcting their mistakes), but if this helps at least one person conduct themselves properly as a creator or even just a consumer in a space where their world views are not entirely consistent with or do not dominate that space which they are currently occupying, then that’s enough for me.

Let me preface this by saying that art/storytelling of all forms is a process that demands the participant to become vulnerable. It works both ways as the creator and the consumer. As a creator, you are giving onlookers permission to gain insight to the way you interpret and wish to shape reality. As a consumer, you are actively and subconsciously seeking bodies of work that reflect how you already view yourself or how you wish to view yourself / your existence. As you can imagine, in a context like that, people’s -- because we are all humans, remember -- perceptions are heightened and intensified. This is natural.

I suspect that up until this point many people agree with me. But this is where I’ll present a contradiction that may not sit well with some folks. Everything that I’ve said in the second paragraph often gets “translated” to this phrase, which as an educator, I really hate -- Art is totally subjective. 

This simply isn’t true. Art is a vulnerable process. Art is ever changing. So the fact that it is in flux and a process inherently suggests that it is meant to change; without such it would not be what it is. And guess who drives a lot of these changes??? Sorry, it’s not really you, the creator. It’s your audience. Think about it. When creators get to a point where they are comfortable with sharing their work, they start asking for criticism, looking for beta readers, asking audiences and other creators how they can get better. And sometimes they get criticism when they didn’t ask for it. And honestly that’s okay. That can still be helpful if the criticism is constructive as opposed to destructive.

With that being said, if someone is reaching out to you in a respectful way to inform you that your content is offensive or problematic (here specifically based on race/religion) fucking listen to them. 

And trust me, I get it. On big platforms, there’s a lot of crap critiques that you have to ignore or blow off. I’ve been told my characters are too horny, too morally gray, too emotional. One time I was asked why so many of my characters have brown eyes. I’ve been told I have too much romance and not enough action (in a book labeled as a romance mind you). I’ve been told that I withhold too much from the reader and it creates too much suspense and anticipation (yep. they were upset because they had to keep reading to get all the facts.)

But guess what? I’ve also gotten comments that some things in my work were problematic or culturally incorrect. That they were based on a Western warping of an original concept. 

And guess what else????

1. I did not know this. (Even after doing research, I was not aware of the things they were telling me.)

2. I was not intentionally trying to hurt anyone. 

These are excuses that I see a lot whenever creators get criticism along this vein. These are things that you cannot control. We can’t know everything, even after we do research, which everyone should be doing by the way. 

But here is the third and final reaction that many creators defer to:

3. I do not care.

That’s basically what you are saying when your work offends someone, they come forward about it, and you are not willing to make changes. And sorry, but that’s just disgusting and wrong. 

This situation for me was uncomfortable, it made me feel some type of way, but I reached out to this reader and we talked about the passage that was bringing them discomfort (based on their religion). And it was hard to do, but I did it. That reader ended up thanking me and at the end of the day, I was able to restructure that passage to get my point across while still being authentic and staying true to who I am as a creator. I didn’t have to sacrifice my integrity as a storyteller in order to make one person happy, or whatever pompous ass excuse people are coming up with these days.

Let me emphasize some other things. As a person of color, I see problematic shit in art/storytelling ALL THE GODDAMN TIME. Do I always say something? No. Because it happens so much on so many levels that it often feels out of my control; the platform on which the creator functions validates and protects their work even if what they are doing is wrong or hurtful. Or I’m just fucking tired. 

So when I received this specific criticism, my first response as a POC, was “oh shit, my story’s been on this platform for a few years. How many people saw this and were rubbed the wrong way before this person actually came out and said something?” Because fucking trust me, just because only one person is saying something to you, this does not mean they are some alienated pissy, salty onlooker. Other people feel that way too, but don’t come forward because of all the things I’ve listed prior.

So, I’ll say it again:

1. Art is not completely subjective. Art has intention. Art has purpose. Art serves specific functions on emotional, spiritual, and psychological levels whether YOU WANT IT TO OR NOT.

2. Art has the potential to hurt on both macro and micro scales. Just because you’ve been made aware that your content is harming someone to what you perceive to be a micro degree, and that may be so, it is your response to this knowledge that can determine whether the damage can intensify and reach beyond that one person. 

3. Even if you “meant no harm,” listen to your audience anyway. Try to understand where they are coming from. And you if you are still getting criticism about the same problematic stuff on not just race/relgion but anything concerning a marginalized group, then my friend, you are not trying hard enough. Try harder.

I promise that at the end of the day, it will make you a stronger creator and quite frankly, a better fucking person. 

[arigatouiris]

out of my league // t.h — 07

Pairing: Tom Holland x Critic! Reader [I use female pronouns]

Warnings: swearing; eventual fluff; angst; hurt/comfort; pining; a little bit of cliche because come on.

A/N: I love you guys so much for reading and appreciating my work on here. Makes me feel super blessed. Thank you~ Hope you enjoy this chapter (not too angsty :P )  Also, if you want me to add you to the series taglist, just drop a note or comment! ^^

Word count: 3878

Series Masterlist

 06 | 07 | 08 

When Aditi got the call for this new shoot site that she had to visit, which was close to a two-hour drive from her office, she knew right at that instant that she didn’t want to go alone. No matter how her job demanding that she’d have to get used to eating alone, driving alone and working alone, she hated it. As a reporter, with no additional goals or wants to take on more responsibilities, Aditi was fine with the way things were, except that the alone part didn’t stick well with her. I’m a rebel, she thought before walking into the office that day, heading over to the very desk she’d head over every morning.

    (y/n) noticed Aditi walk in with a scowl, quite unusual for her chirpy friend, and knew instantly that she was assigned something a bit far from the area she’s normally asked to cover. Smiling understandingly at her friend, (y/n) welcomed Aditi with warmth.

    “Don’t smile at me like that. I’ll want to date you too then.” Aditi grumbled, earning a modest laugh from her friend.

    “What’s gotten you all grinched up?”

    “I’ve to cover a shoot site. Pre-shoot questions and shit. I don’t even know who the actors are, just that Jean Marcel didn’t write this one,” Aditi winked at (y/n) who scowled back.

    “On second thought, why don’t you come with me? Susannah was grumbling about how you finished most of the articles that came your way, you’re practically on bench duty right now, aren’t you?”

(y/n) blinked before feeling the hesitation fuel her veins. Her first instinct to any plan is to say no, but this was Aditi. And Aditi never asks, but demands. And if the demand didn’t work, she’d make it work. Aditi was both the catalyst and the creator of opportunities; she wasn’t supposed to be taken lightly.

    “Aditi, I might get—”

    “I’ll go speak to Susannah. Still can’t get used to calling her that.”

    “She prefers Susannah now, Aditi. You’ll have to get used to that.” (y/n) scolded.

A moment later, Aditi came back to the desk with a wide grin. This is who she is, (y/n) thought, chuckling. Grabbing her jacket and an umbrella, the two women headed out and walked to Aditi’s car.

    Almost two weeks had passed since (y/n) had sent Tom the message, telling him not to try. It didn’t rest easy with her that something felt off, but this was the end of that story. He was an actor, who probably shouldn’t have cared for this incident as much as he did; and she was a regular person with a regular job—the lack of extravagance was a factor for which their lives must have never intertwined in the first place. 

However, a seeping odd sense of loneliness quietened her mind on most nights, a feeling she couldn’t place her finger on. It was odd, in the sense that it was subtle. She’d feel the tinge of loneliness when she watched a movie, she felt it while opening Instagram or Facebook, she felt it when she was taking a sip of wine after a hearty meal. She felt it with things not even related to Tom Holland, and that was perhaps what caused her this glum morosity that her heart intended that she feels.

    On most nights, (y/n) found it easier to fall asleep than stay awake for remaining awake brought back those unnecessary feelings. There was no reason for her to feel guilt, there was no reason for her to feel hollow. She missed something; not knowing what it was, she missed it with a passion she knew not she could conjure. This something ate her mind up, didn’t let her read, made sure she wanted to be asleep and devoid of the thoughts of figuring out what that something was.

Her job was set, she wasn’t getting any hate mail, and she would start critiquing again in no time. Everything was back to how it was before the review. For the first time, (y/n) did want more. She did not know what she wanted, knew that it was dangerous and that she should rest content with what she had, but she knew an emptiness deep inside her, which began to ache.

    “You’ve been quite off since the last few days. There’s something you’re not telling me,” Aditi says, making a turn.

    “Oh, it’s nothing. I think it’s just the after effect of what happened.”

    “What happened, happened three weeks ago, and you were better then than you are now.”

(y/n) sighed. She knew it was about time that Aditi would ask her what was keeping her so quiet. (y/n) wasn’t a loud person, but she wasn’t quiet with people she knew well. Especially with Aditi, it was hard not to be anything but herself, and (y/n) was finding it hard to figure out who she was.

    “I may have treated someone very poorly based on something terrible that happened to me.” (y/n) hoped this didn’t give away any signs.

Aditi, smarter than most people gave her credit for, didn’t argue back and try to figure out who her friend was talking about. (y/n) needed someone to listen to her, and that was who Aditi would be. It’s a fucking two hour drive to that hellhole, she thought before turning on therapist mode.

    “Alright. Did this person cause the terrible thing that happened to you?”

(y/n) nodded. It’s Tom Holland, Aditi thought, fighting the urge to scoff.

    “What did you do?”

    “I may have rejected their requests for apologizing to me and making things right. I was deeply hurt with the… terrible thing that happened. So I guess I wasn’t ready. And I lied to them asking them not to try, when I wanted them to.” (y/n) said.

Aditi nodded. So, that’s why Jenny called. It’s Tom’s doing. Wow. Clearing her throat, “(y/n), if you’re feeling better about it now, when not approach him?”

Shocked, (y/n) turned to her with wide eyes, “How do you know it’s a he?”

    “Internalized patriarchy. We always assume that it’s a he and not she. My bad, (y/n).” Aditi saved herself an earful.

    “It’s too late, Aditi… I don’t think they want anything to do with me. Considering they’re uh… they’re probably thinking I’m small fry.”

So the conflict is he’s famous and you’re not, Aditi thought before nodding to herself.

    “I still think that,” She took a second to frame the sentence in a way that her friend won’t get suspicious, “You should tell this person that you weren’t ready to talk before because of the terrible thing, and now you want to apologize for your hesitance. You can always want someone to try hard, (y/n), but if you shut them out expecting them to do all the figuring out slash detective shit, you’re playing the wrong game. Just because you’re observant of signs doesn’t mean others are too, right?”

(y/n) blinked. She felt her stomach drop at Aditi’s words. But she knew she couldn’t approach Tom after treating him that way. It would be dreadful. She had asked him not to try, and that was that. She’d start feeling better in sometime. But, what she said makes sense, (y/n) thought but quickly brushed that thought away.

    “I’m just saying, if it’s too difficult for you to approach them still, take your time. But no terrible thing is worth inflicting mental harm on another person.”

    Never had (y/n) thought about what Tom must have felt through the entire ordeal. He had tried apologizing, he had approached her multiple times, and despite knowing how volatile (y/n) was, he made the effort—all of which, she shot down. He made sure the scandal ended, and she hadn’t thanked him; blaming him as if by blaming him, she’d blame the girls who had called her a whore. If Aditi’s talk did anything, it made her feel worse.

*

On reaching the shoot site, Aditi began to grumble again. Laughing at her friend, she patted the Indian girl’s back a couple of times before beginning to look around. It was an open field, the set was set up beside a large farmland. In front of the set was a tent, big enough to hold over fifty people, and a familiar face was spotted. Her eyes widened and a smile broke out on her face as she waved at him. Once she grabbed his attention, he waved back and jogged to where she stood.

    Harrison hugged (y/n) and laughed once.

    “What brings you here?” (y/n) asked, excited like a puppy.

    “Sorry to interrupt, lovely to meet you, Mr. Handsome, but I need to go finish up this story. You two chat when I’m gone. Lovely. Ciao.” Aditi patted (y/n)’s back before rushing away.

    “She’s chirpy.” Harrison added.

    “She’s known to be. So, tell me! What brings you here?”

    “I’m kinda cast as the lead for this show. It’s an insult that you don’t know, (y/n).”

    “Oh, please,” She playfully hit Harrison’s arm, earning a laugh. “But, that’s amazing!”

    “It is, thank you. How are you doing?”

    “It’s been good. How’s Tom?”

The question came out of her without her thinking. Her eyes widened once she asked him the question, before clearing her throat and pretending as if she hadn’t said anything. Harrison laughed, before whistling in the end.

    “He’s stopped trying,” (y/n) looked up, confused, “He’s been kinda low ever since making that Instagram story about you.”

(y/n)’s heart dropped. “What do you mean he’s low?”

    “Hm, well, Tom’s a happy guy. Just… he isn’t all too happy these days. Finishes his work, learns his script faster than usual, and doesn’t even spoil things—which is a trait that Tom cannot get rid of,”

(y/n) chuckled, but Harrison wasn’t done. “You said something. Didn’t you?”

She knew what she felt at that second—absolute chaos. It weighed her down like a rock in a river. She didn't stand a chance. She couldn’t fight it or pray and hope she had the strength to swim, because she knew right at that second, she had to sink.

    “I told him not to try anymore, Harrison…” Her voice broke at the end, knowing that her actions had led to some nasty consequences.

She didn’t know Tom. She knew he was an actor, a famous one, she knew he was a nice guy. But, she didn’t know Tom. She didn’t know what he liked, what he didn’t like, where he liked to go when he was sad, what he liked to eat when he was feeling down or happy or excited. She knew nothing about Tom Holland, but here she was, wishing she did, so that she could end this miserable feeling of carrying the guilt of hurting him.

    “It’s really not in my place to say anything, (y/n). But, both of you are miserable. Why not just talk about it?”

    “I’m not miserable, why would you say that?” (y/n) faked a laugh before looking at Harrison with a smile.

The need to hide it rushed into her brain and forced her to act. This was a new skill she'd acquired, the ability to look, to the outside world, utterly serene and even cheerful, while, in her skull, all was chaos.

    “Both your actions has hurt one another, two human beings who both didn’t do anything too wrong to be called mistakes. I agree Tom’s actions caused you a lot of pain, but blaming him for the fan mail is your defense mechanism, not your rational thought. And you shutting him out for the same reason is causing you more pain than before,”

(y/n) didn’t know what to say.

    “Unless you’re the biggest scum on the planet, you won’t be bothered. I take it you’re not. People like you and Tom can’t stand hurting another person.”

Her heart was then looking for comfort, but there was no one who could give it to her but herself. She didn’t know how to start, she didn’t know where to go. (y/n) felt like she was dropped off at a place she didn’t belong, and since this was her own life, she had nowhere else to go. She remembered something her father had told her when she was young: Making the effort to rectify your own mistake takes more strength than anything else. If only she knew where to start with this entire second part of her sorrow, (y/n) would have done something; anything, her mind screamed at her, was better than feeling hollow under her skin.

    “Call me if you need me,” Harrison handed her his number. “If you need help.”

    “Thanks, Harrison. Really.” (y/n) said, earnestly.

    “Call me Haz.” He winked, before walking back to his set.

*

    “So, can you do it?” Susannah’s eager voice startled (y/n).

    “But, I’m at home—”

    “We need it in an hour, and you’re my fastest editor. Also, there’s a movie that came out two days ago, Coffee Shop Crisis or something. We’ll need a review by tomorrow.”

(y/n)’s eyes widened. “What?”

    “You heard me.” Susannah said, (y/n) could practically hear the woman’s grin.

Grinning herself, (y/n) let out a laugh of relief. “I’m on it, boss.”

Once she ended the call, she screamed into a pillow and sighed. She felt some of her baggage lift off her shoulders, happiness sifting through her mind. A moment later, her laptop held a notification of a new mail, Susannah had sent her the article to edit. I get to critique again! She thought before grinning widely, typing out a message to Aditi, but paused.

    Shouldn’t I let Tom know? He still thinks I don’t have a job… Her mind relapsed in that same sorrow again, and she finally knew what she was missing. She was missing the feeling of solace that her mind even gave her during the internet scandal. Her mind was not at peace because guilt had taken its place, and with guilt came regret and a great many other feelings that slowed her down. But her fingers didn’t move, and there was nothing she found the courage to do. As if an epiphany hit her, she opened Instagram and checked for the follow request.

Her heart skipped a beat when she saw it was still there. She immediately clicked on ‘accept’ and waited. She followed him back, him not requiring an accepting request, and waited. She could feel her heartbeat in her ears, and the sudden nervousness brought back memories from her childhood, when she had just finished talking over the phone with the boy she had a crush on. This is Tom Holland, almost everyone my age has a crush on him, she told herself. He’s an actor, a famous one, she thought.

    Calming down a moment after, (y/n) got to work.

*

Tom Holland was just done with his shoot. Pinging his friend that he’d return to London only a week from now, Tom knew his day was done. A moment later, an Instagram notification popped up on his phone screen, which caused him to drop his phone to the ground.

    “Jesus, butter fingers much?” The other lead actor in the movie, Donald, teased.

Tom chuckled nervously, before taking his phone and checking for any signs of breaking. It’s fine, he thought before opening Instagram in a hurry. He gasped before clicking on (y/n)’s profile and seeing all of her pictures. There were pictures of food, buildings, her office mates, herself—Tom found his heart beating erratically, his face was flushed red, and he didn’t care if he was in Croatia and if the time was close to 8:30 p.m., or that he was hungry for having skipped lunch; nothing mattered.

    Suddenly, Tom was twelve years old; (y/n) was the girl who was sitting next to him, hair in pigtails and a soft smile on her face as she gives him her pencil. Take it, she says, and Tom is in awe. He is in awe of how a creature could be so kind and so enticing in all the most innocent ways possible. If someone could see how Tom looked at the moment, they’d see a stupid grin and a happy face; happy faces usually looked stupid to him, but he didn’t care. He was going crazy, and she was driving him crazy, without even trying to. He clicked on a candid picture of her, she’s smiling away from the camera and something he had no idea about; a story in that picture he hoped that she’d someday let him know.

She was all he could think about while eating his dinner, and Donald grimaced at Tom’s eerie one-sided smile as he chewed on his food. She was all he could think about while walking back to his room, she was all he could think about at random moments—when he was changing into his jumper, when he was putting on the covers around him, when he looked at his hands—everything reminded her of him; Tom knew that this sort of theoretical crush would do no harm, he wasn’t curious about whether she liked him back or whether there’s a future with this. Nothing of the sort. 

At that moment, Tom Holland enjoyed being utterly and absolutely being smitten by a woman he barely knew, and for a celebrity to have a celebrity like crush on a regular person, this feeling was the most welcome he had ever felt in years.

    A moment later, a Google alert pinged him. Tom broke out of his reverie and jumped into another one. (y/n) had published a new review. Almost as if not reading it at this second would kill him, Tom hypersped to the link and began reading. While he was supposed to be reading his script, he was reading a review published by this enticing yet unattainable woman, a stupid smile on his face as his eyes glanced over the words.

I’m not all that great with strangers, could it be that he only heard her voice in his head? Or did her voice actually sound so angelic? Tom was mindless in his crush on (y/n), but a thought corroded his mind after feeling so jittery. Don’t try.

He sighed. There was a sudden knock on his door, and after opening it revealed a tipsy looking Donald, with a bottle of whisky. Tom chuckled before letting him in, knowing how this night was going to turn out. Tom believed he’d not drink more than two glasses, but two glasses became four and four became two more. 

     Tom was not a lightweight when it came to alcohol, but that night, (y/n)’s ‘Don’t try’ gave him the reason to feel like he could be.

    Reopening her Instagram account, Tom clumsily smiled at her pictures.

    “She’s so pretty…” He mumbled, earning a grunt of an almost passed out Donald.

    “She is, mate. She is.” Donald said, staring at the wall.

    Tom touched his phone screen with his finger and tapped at (y/n)’s smiling face. Not realizing that he had actually liked the picture, Tom sighed before collapsing back on his bed.

*

She was sure nothing could explain this notification at 9 p.m. Tom Holland had liked a picture of hers.

    No matter which angle she looked at this from, she could not understand what Tom was trying to do. She was terrified of sending him a message, and her heart was rummaging against her ribcage. Taking a deep breath, she dialled Harrison’s number and felt like she was going to vomit her heart out.

    “Hi, Harrison speak—”

    “Haz, it’s me. (y/n). Um, I needed to talk to you?”

    “Why is that a question, love?”

(y/n) groaned. “Why is Tom trying so hard? You told me he gave up!”

    “That’s what he told me, too. As far as I know, he told me to forget it and that he was done. What did he do?”

    “He just liked a picture of mine on Instagram.”

    “Uh, that’s fine—”

    “The picture’s from three years ago, Haz.”

When Harrison broke out laughing, she understood that he was now a friend. She didn’t know how they got close over one conversation, but Harrison had a charming personality that made her believe in friendship again. He was like Aditi in that way, always wanting to help and be there for anyone he could lend a hand to. A golden heart, a golden personality and a good human being.

    “Stop laughing!” (y/n) scolded.

    “He’s probably just looking, (y/n). It’s harmless. I mean, it’s not like he’s stalking you.” Harrison tried his best to not rat on his friend. How the hell can I cover this up, Tom? He thought begrudgingly.

    “If you say so…” (y/n) was not convinced, but she wouldn’t make too big a deal out of this.

The second the call ended, Harrison called his friend, Tom. When Holland didn’t pick the first time, Harrison called again, already having his suspicions.

    “Haz!” Tom exclaimed, and Harrison knew.

    “You’re drunk?” This explains everything, but of course, I can’t let her know.

    “Can’t get her out of my mind, Haz.” Tom said, surprising his best friend.

    “Then do something about it, Tom.” He sighed.

    “Already have.”

This answer, Harrison was not expecting.

*

The first thing (y/n) woke up to was Susannah appreciating her latest review. It was a Saturday, and she wanted to sleep in, but since her lovely manager had called her at 8:15 in the morning, there was no use trying to go back to sleep again. After finishing her private duties in the bathroom, (y/n) headed over to the kitchen counter for breakfast. It felt like a pleasant day, she was well rested and wanted nothing close to excitement on that day; she decided she’d spend it watching her favourite TV show, drinking tea and ordering in some good hearty meal.

    She felt at ease, knowing she was fixing things with Tom. She still couldn’t understand why he had liked a picture of hers from three years ago, but maybe like Harrison said, it was harmless and didn’t mean anything.

She took her phone out and blinked. There was a twitter notification. Hm, strange, I just activated my twitter account one day ago, she thought before clicking on it, and at that second, if there was no table below her phone, her phone would have fallen to the ground.

She felt her lungs inflate with an onrush of joy—she couldn’t breathe but she was laughing. Her laughter filled the echoes in the kitchen and her laughter soon broke into happy tears. She couldn’t believe her eyes, but she wanted to remain calm for a moment and recheck if this was all a dream; a dream she’d been dreaming ever since she first laid her eyes on him.

   If Mark Hamill ever replied to this tweet, I’d cry and die.    @HamillHimself: I’d rather you just cry, not die.

And instantly, she knew. That by accepting his follow request, and attempting to try—Tom reached out and tried some more.

series taglist:

@strangemaximoff​, @aestheticgaybish​, @noobmaster63​, @why-are-all-the-teens-gay​, @wonders-of-the-multiverse​, @boushalaivre​, @jackiehollanderr​, @nerdypisces160​, @yourwonderbelle​, @quackson606​, @stickyqueenbouquetsstuff​, @fandoms-stuff​, @danicarosaline​, @toolateformcrtooearlytoleaveemo

[thestudyfeels]

How to Get Back Into the Creative Process

A definitive guide by @thestudyfeels 

If you follow me (highly recommended, shameless plug), you might’ve noticed that I haven't posted in, well, a million years. The reason being that for about two months I hit an incredible low when it came to making content. I had ZERO creativity and inspiration for quite some time, and if you're a creator, you might recognize that as the best recipe for disaster out there. It's finger lickin' good! (Wow, now I'm dissing KFC, what's this turning into, Wendy's twitter?)

As a rule, I refrain myself from writing posts when I'm dead, since I know without a doubt, that the ennui will automatically transfer into the post. (I sincerely hope that none of my readers are walking zombies with a taste for lifeless posts and aimless rambles. Signed, me.)

But the truth is, my life revolves only around creating and doing crazy shit so I couldn’t deprive myself of this litness for too long. It meant that I had to pick my shit up real quick and get my ass back into the game.

Which is exactly what I did. (This is how you clickbait, youngsters. Watch and learn.)

During my record-breaking low, I couldn't fathom the thought of writing because of the non-existent ideas. I really wanted to, after all I felt empty inside from not doing anything worthwhile, but the lack of inspiration was eating me alive. (Again with the zombie jokes. Sorry, lmao.)

As a creator, such experiences probably sound common. Allow me to assure you that it's okay to be completely blank. It's okay to feel like shit because you love bringing your imagination to life but just can't seem to at the moment. You will get back to grinding again. Never lose faith in that. In fact, I'm specifically writing this guide to help you get back into creating (oh, and to rant about how awesome it is and how I can't get enough of it).

[And yes, this guide works no matter what kind of a creator you are. Bloggers, vloggers, podcasters, writers, illustrators, editors - legit every single one of you who identifies as a creator. I got yo’ back, my Liams and Janes.]

Finally! Now, with the intro done, let's settle down (here's your mint tea and Oreo cookies—no, no burnt popcorn this time #DoItDifferent) and get on with what I promised. Drumroll please, for this marks the starting of a new era where you make a comeback in your field, better than you’ve ever been.

I'm excited to see you win.

Creating is tough. Truly. I find it funny how most people under-appreciate the Arts, because a) hello Monica, wake UP. We're making stuff here. Fresh, crisp, and hot out of our skull-shaped baking pans. Isn't that insane? And b) I doubt any of us would be happy without the sappy rom-com movies and mystery shows to look forward to, or philo books to engulf in a day, or fast-paced vlogs to binge watch or addicting gam- ok, you get my point.

Although most of us are aware of how incredibly demanding and magical the entire process is, we still beat ourselves up for lacking those creative juices at times. Here's a pat from my side and a reminder to NOT do that. Why? Because all creators go through a “dry period” where they feel like they're totally done and are never going to produce anything ever again. In fact, even pop stars routinely take a step back from their fast-paced lifestyles to restore their creative talent - Ed Sheeran being a somewhat recent example (and a great one, have you listened to Divide?). I mean, if they can pause their careers and afford to take a break, then so can you. So stop making excuses and take that day off.

You can also think of it this way: the juices dry up (stop sniggering, ya hoes) because you’ve been using your craft too much, too fast (remember, genius only happens in small quantities) but they start flowing better than ever after a short period of revitalization. So, if you ever find yourself stuck, gazing at the walls in despair, blank docs becoming your serial killers - take that break and don't feel guilty about doing so.

Alrighty, moving onto making that break productive and getting those creative juices back into us. Oh, and Monica? Wipe that stupid smirk off your face.

Now, I don’t know why you started creating (bless you for doing so though), but I do know that there must be something which ignites you and keeps you pushing, even when you hit the lows. This can be anything - nature, music, puppies, art galleries, your loved ones - absolutely anything that makes your soul dance inside and your face flush with pure joy.

During my break, I spent a majority of my time listening to mentors and reading non-fiction. And listening to angelic yet badass music (cough, Billie Eilish, cough). And watching sunsets. And taking pictures of said sunsets. And doing yoga outside while that glamorous sun continued to dip below the horizon. (And trusting all along that I'll get back on track soon.) All things I genuinely love, no effs given. From outside, it seemed like I was on vacay, chilling out; but from the inside, I could feel inspiration and hope trickling back in, my needle moving towards full tank once more.

Point is, DO NOT waste your break loitering about. It's fun to play and party, but the real disaster unfolds when you get back to work and realize you're in the same state again, if not worse. A creative break should centre on getting inspiration back. Figure out what feeds your soul, be it watching other creators, spending time alone, or having meaningful convos, and just do more of it. Re-energize. Rejuvenate. And revive your art.

Now that break’s over and you finally feel more in touch with your creativity, it's time to ease back into it. And I said ‘ease’ because see, the thing is you simply can't force this process. A hint: the more you force yourself for ideas, the more you start relying on your surroundings and other people's work and start losing your own originality. So don't push your creativity.

BUT, good news, if you used that break to rethink your craft, you'll ALWAYS come back with a bunch of ideas, which are much more inventive than anything you've done before. (If you don't, it might mean that you need to extend your break just a teensy bit more.)

Easing means getting back slowly. With consistency. Every single day, without fail, spend some time creating in small chunks. And you CAN'T say “fuck it” or ignore it and purposely start a new show on Netflix after closing that blank doc again in the next tab because you didn’t wanna face the guilt. That's a rule. Obviously, once you get comfortable with the process, increase your time and increase the number of “create” blocks.

This is your life, so don't you dare tell me you're tired or sad or can't make stuff, because I know you can. I've seen you produce magic before and I know you have it in you to create lit fireworks this time as well.

… And soon enough, you'll find yourself happier than ever, for you'll be creating again. I hope you'll feel proud of yourself, because I, for sure, will be.

PS: let's also talk about me finishing this post. This is the first one after my break, HOHOHO! *wiggles eyebrow, which doesn't exist* The girl's back at it again as you see, and I hope you're just getting started too.

We're in this together.

Want to read more? Kay, plopping down some related posts right away —

Read my last post: Biggest Takeaways from The Alchemist (book review, sorta?)

Mentioned: Ed Sheeran’s creative break of almost a year

Rebecca Green and her creative low (you see, it happens to everyone!)

An update chit-chat post by Rebecca on the burnout (if you want the entire story)

Interview Two: motivation to get going (talks about how inspiration comes from inside - me recommending ways to regain your creative energy won’t help for inspiration is different for everyone)

+ Want to request a blog post? Leave your request in my ask box!

Well, that’s a wrap! I post new articles twice a week, on every Sunday and Thursday, so you can follow me if you are into killing the game & conquering life. I’ll do my best to help you in the tough yet amazing journey called life. ✧

If you want to go through my blog, I suggest picking your choice of post from my masterpost list! Or, if you want to read something insightful on your cozy afternoon while chilling under blankets, I recommend reading one of my interviews. Feeling spoilt for choices? Here’s another! If you want to implement the ideas I share in my masterposts by taking action, take on one of my challenges!

I hope you are well; stay strong and conquer life, my conqueror.

— Nandini (´｡• ᵕ •｡`) ♡

[toxanhela]

the author of the post below blocked me lol

i’m talking this post 

so i’ll have to answer like this

if you wanna know, i am one of those people who quit posting art because of the lack in response on tumblr (and i deleted all of my art and left only one that got a ton of notes). you can try to calm yourself by repeating “it doesn’t affect you, you don’t understand” over and over, but it did affect me very deeply and i understand it on a personal level. i am one of those creators who quit you’re so passionate about, @reddeadrevival

i used to blame others for my lack of notes as well. i’m pretty sure i used to reblog posts like yours that fucking demonize people who don’t reblog. however, after a lot of thought i realised that i didn’t get what i want because of the reasons i stated in my previous response (and more)

1. fandom-wise, i was all over the place

2. my style isn’t striking enough on it’s own to keep followers around just for it

3. in general i’m simply not that good, my skill is average

4. my art doesn’t have a solid theme or focus

5. i only posted on tumblr

6. i never tried to put effort into spreading my work myself

i realised that i am the only person who is responsible for my success, and my failure to become an artist on tumblr suddenly became a lot easier to cope with because i realised it’s not random and it’s not about other people. i’m in control, and it’s reassuring

How else do you want us to “advertise” ourselves? 

on twitter, or literally on any other website on the great internet that has fandom activities? DA maybe? you’re putting all of your eggs in one basket right now which is tumblr, of course the attention will be limited

you’re allowed to feel underappreciated, upset, you’re allowed to have any kind of feeling. however, you are not allowed to say that the people who don’t reblog your stuff are responsible for those feelings, this is guilttripping. you are the only one who is responsible for them, you’re feeling them on your own accord

so let me get this clear: first you say things like 

You’re part of the problem. I don’t care if it doesn’t fit your aesthetic or you think that a like is “just as good”.

“If no one’s reading/seeing it, why write/make it?” is a very common thought and is why a lot of blogs quit. Which is why a lot of fandoms are “dying”.

and then go on and say “none of us are demanding“? i literally can’t see your posts with A HUGE FONT AND BOLD LETTERS as anything but demanding. you are demanding attention to your work. you are saying people that don’t want to reblog are “part of the problem”, and in saying so you’re implying that they have to contribute to solving that problem since they’re supposedly a part of it

hurt when people complain about the lack of content when IT’S THERE we’re making it but barely anyone is sharing it

share it yourself then. when someone is complaining about lack of content, recommend your favourite blogs to them instead of just complaining that noone’s reblogging shit

There’s always something you can do.

here’s a thing: i don’t have to. noone is obligated to do these things. everyone can enjoy content whichever way is comfortable for them

and yes, sometimes works are worthy of a like, but not worthy of a reblog. sometimes you are, in fact, just not good enough, and if people feel this way - they are in full right to not reblog you and then complain about lack of content, because it happens so that your content isn’t entertaining enough for them and that’s why it doesn’t count. i’m sorry but it just how it be, reblogs will only get you this far, skill is also very important

main point: you don’t understand your relationship with your followers and non-creators

they are consumers, and creators provide the goodies. consumers get to be picky, they are allowed to treat your work however their heart desires, they have no responsibility here. i’ll do an analogy as well:

two customers come regularly to a certain bakery. customer 1 tells their friends about this bakery and how tasty their cakes are, and maybe couple of their friends did come to the bakery, and some even became regular customers. customer 2, however, just enjoys it peacefully for themselves. maybe their friends don’t like sweet stuff, or maybe this customer just isn’t the type of person to give advice to their friends and is just reserved like that. somehow, the word about customer 2 gets to the bakery owner. they come out an start yelling: “People like you are the reason why independant bakeries all over the city are dying! You aren’t allowed to complain about the lack of family bakeries if you do nothing to help them!!! You are part of the problem! Yeah your friends don’t like sweets, but you could make new friends who do and advertise my bakery to them! No pressure tho, I’m not demanding anything from you and I do really appreciate you buying my cakes :) It would be nicer if you brought in more customers tho >:)”

what customers 2 reaction is going to be? they’re going to be like “what the absolute fuck” and fuck outta there to another bakery with a chill owner. it is the bakery’s responsibility to make ads, do sale campaigns, give out flyers and whatnot

and i know that creators on the internet are doing it for free, but that’s why it’s called analogy. your “customers” are paying you in likes, they are paying you in the currency of attention that you clearly deem valid judging by your posts about not getting enough of it

furthermore: nobody gives a shit. people just move on

sorry to break it to you, but this is what consumers of content think:

- this creator’s works are getting small amount of notes? well, if i truly think that this amount of notes is too small for what they did i will reblog to stop the injustice, however if it seems fitting i’ll just smash that like button and move on

- this creator stopped posting their work? oh, it’s sad because i really liked them, but there are literally millions of other creators on the internet so i’m just gonna move on to another creator

- this fandom died? oh well, too bad, i really enjoyed it, i might complain a bit about the fact, but i guess it’s time to move on to the next best things: there are god knows how many fandoms out there, i’m sure i’ll find something for myself

followers and fandom very rarely truly give a fuck about you. and they don’t have to, you’re not entitled to anyones emotional involvement. even if my favourite artist in the whole world stops creating, i’ll be very upset, but i will move on to another creators, because i have tons to choose from

as a creator, you are disposable

it sounds cruel, but it’s true unfortunately. i had to understand it the hard way, so don’t repeat my mistakes

i gained this “consumer” perspective when i quit posting art, and it has been very enlightening, i see the picture very clearly now. when you’re a creator yourself, you are more inclined to reblog stuff because you feel the injustice of creators not getting attention more vividly and personally, and you are less likely to understand that your consumers actually don’t give that much of a fuck, even if right now they say they do

so in a way you’re right what you’re saying that i don’t understand, because i’m currently not posting and have more of a consumer perspective. but at the same time you’re wrong, because i used to be a creator and thought exactly the same way you do. i have the best of the both worlds baby B)

i can go on forever about all this, but hopefully you get the point

only relying on word of mouth in this day and age won’t get you any results fam, i’m sorry, you gotta make an effort because the market is overflood and noone gives a fuck

tl;dr: stop guilttripping people who are kind enough to enjoy your shit and take responsibility for spreading your work, because it’s noone fucking elses responsibility but yours - not your followers, not fellow fandom folk - IT’S ONLY YOURS

[mocacheezy]

Wanted to make a seperate post for this, because this stuff will go under a readmore. (damn it got long)

Added my two cents on this post, but here is what I do when I do have the energy leave comments on fics (and some extra thoughts on my kudoses):

Comments

There is such delight when I find a fic that I have to write my thoughts down while reading, because I love to scream my joy @ the author in the comment once I am done with the chapter/fic itself.

And hopefully by the time I reach the end of the chapter I can calm down enough to actually write something coherent aside from screaming and keysmashing.

Some fics get me that excited!

Some fics I had to put down while reading, so I could pace around the room, because the possibilities for where the situation could go are ENDLESS!

Some fics I've put down and picked up MONTHS later, because a chapter was just so good and made me feel SO MUCH, I was unable to read further!

There are fics I forgot about and returned to years later and was DELIGHTED to see them finished or still going (there was this one back on fanfiction.net that I adored with all my heart, and I plan on checking out what happened to it. The author went on a break around the time another fandom took my attention, but the fic was so good I still remember it from time to time. It made my life more than just bearable, it made me laugh to tears at some points. )

When a fic gets me that excited, I noticed I tend to either comment short excited comments before nyooming to the next chapter, or read all of it over a course of a couple of days, gather my thoughts and leave an almost essay long comment, because the whole fic was just so good and I want to say it all in one place!

There were a couple of fics that I actually WANTED to write essays on, because I appreciate the authors writting style so so so much! For some I still do, because holy hell, the writing and characterization is great, while ALSO gives us things canon/source material didn't explore. But, if I do that, I wanna do it good because KUDOS TO THE WRITERS!

There are also fics that have me grinning and commenting on what's happening outloud, but there isn't really that many questions popping up for me.

It's the delighted gasp and a "Bitch, you said WHAT? 8D".

It's the "Ohohohooooo this is going to h u r t".

It's the grimace or a snort of "You fucking bastard, I knew he was planning something."

With fics like that, I can sit still or do something that isn't too demanding attention wise.

It's relaxing. It's nice, it let's my usually very active and overwhelmed brain rest, WHILE ALSO giving me serotonin and the excitement/feels, but on a smaller scale.

With fics like this (especially one shots), I tend to leave shorter comments, because if I want to comment, but don' t have much to say, I'll still comment and tell what the fic made me feel.

"I liked/loved/really enjoyed this fic, it had me experience x"

Because I do like it! And so far almost every fic I read gets atleast one kudos because this stuff is so good and the authors are amazing.

I just don't have much to say at that moment. Or what I want to comment is missing something and feels too flat to me.

If I know I'll want to reread a fic, I usually bookmark it and write down some highlights/what I liked about it/make a comment of its own in the bookmark! Because looking at older bookmarks/bookmarks from a fandom you are no longer involved with can bring back quite the laughter... AND get you back into the fandom even!

Reading fics is supposed to be a thing you enjoy. If you are starting to dread it because you feel obligated to say something, hey.

Take a step back for a while. This kind of fear happened to me at some point when I was younger, especially when I started interacting with active content creators. They appreciate comments and those comments help so much when an obstacle presents itself and it seems like abandoning a story will be it. Comments and encouragment bring back the fire and joy of writing.

There is a comment I have yet to reply to, that's been sitting in my Ao3 inbox for 160 days (ALMOST 6 MONTHS, MOCA, GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER AND REPLY ALREADY!).

It's from an author who really wasn't feeling motivated and the comment brought them such joy and excitement!

Why is it taking me so long to reply?

I never expect/wait for a reply from authors. ESPECIALLY not if it's a fic that's older (there are some amazing fics that were posted in 2013!!! Who knows if the author is still active in the fandom!*), or if it's an ongoing one that gets alot of comments. In the second case, it's because the author is already writing the fic, editing said fic and uploading it, could also be working on a bunch of different fics (because writting inspiration strikes at the weirdest of moments and as someone who has around 4fic ideas happening simultaniously, people who ACTUALLY WRITE THEM? Kudos. You are amazing.), not to mention most fic authors do this in their free time. So there's also their jobs, social circle outside the internet, on the internet and the amount of energy they have for social interaction with strangers online. Who am I to expect a reply to that behemot of a comment I left on their fic? If it made them happy, great! If it made them go "woah, that's alot of words" *shrugs*, eh. I am a rambler, it's what I do, if they like it they like it, if they don't they don't. Not much i can do about that, though I did leave a note on my ao3 profile that they can contact me if long comments/ramblings annoy them, so I can stay off their comment section and scream about my love for their works somewhere else. Noone has asked me to stop as of yet, but I like to offer just in case.

Most of my comments are actually posted as if I was at cafe or a restaurant, and was offered the Book of Complaints, Suggestions and Compliments/Thanks.

Complaints? I don't have complaints to leave, because it's my decision on what content I consume, and if I don't like it, I can always search for something else.

And if I didn't read the tags? Well, that's on me. That's like ordering a new dish when you have a food allergy, not reading the provided and highlighted allergen notes and warning, and then screaming at the staff when your food arrives. It's not THEIR job to know what kind of allergies their customers have. It's the customers.

Suggestions? Is the author asking for those? If not, no suggestions from me! If they do ask, and I don't have an answer I usually take some time to see if I have anything to offer.

Compliments/Thanks. That is the thing I love and what I click the comment box for. If a fic made me FEEL something, I will let the author know.

Do you know how amazing it is to read a fic and sit staring off into space after you finish it because "woah... that. That made me feel so much at once that I can't even name it." ?

When you read a crackfic, and keep snickering and chuckling, before you finally burst out in laughter or wheezing or snorting with tears in the corners of your eyes because "OH THIS GOLD, I haven't laughed like this in a while!" ?

When you read angst that tugs at your heartstrings and causes actual tears to run down your face and feel the anguish the characters feel?

When you read angst, but the story has a happy ending? Any you get to see the characters claw their way towards it, and actually reach it?

When you read hurt/comfort and there is that gentle care and love and safety that makes your heart melt?

When you read a fic that feels like sitting by a window with a cup of warm coffee while relaxing music plays? (this last one is becoming my favourite of them all and is actually the one I struggle to comment on the most.)

There is such a variety of works out there! So many talented and amazing writers, with their AUs and a billion different ways of writing!

3. I am a very forgetful person, who has to check her inbox more often. Plain and simple. Nothing more to it.

4. Some of these authors write back such lovely comments that make me smile everytime I open my inbox. I think I might make a scrapbook of some sort, to keep track of them, because getting the feedback of "HEY YOUR COMMENT MADE ME HAPPY/EXCITED!" or "I really appreciated this comment, thank you." makes me smile. ^u^

Seriously fic authors are amazing, and this is why "Kudos to them." has become a thing I say irl as well, and in any conversation where someone creating a thing is brought up. I may not know or have a strong opinion on the stuff someone enjoys creating, or have nothing to really say, so "Woah, Kudos to them." is my way of saying "I admire their work (but don't have anything else to say about it)."

Learning it means Glory? Hell yes, those works are worthy of praise,and the authors really are glorious.

So here's where that lovely button comes in.

Kudos

I use the kudos button both when I have a comment to write and when I don't. I spam that button when I like something so much words fail me, and I click it when a fic reads like I have just finished a cup of coffee.

If I use the cafe/restaurant thing I talked about before as an example, leaving a kudos, to me, is like giving a smile or replying to the waiter with "It was great." when they asked if you enjoyed it.

I enjoyed it, but I don't have anything else to say.

Maybe it was just an interesting read, even if not to my usual tastes. It might get a kudos.

And if I read something that I thought I would like but it turned out I didn't like it or I felt meh abput it?

Well, *shrugs* well.

I don't have anything nice to say, and I probably won't read stuff from that author. There are others who will and others who will leave a kudos.

I don't think much about it because I read fics for fun.

I ramble about them because I am having fun and finally know I can share my experience with others.

You guys have probably seen the "Holy shit two cakes!" comic, which was originally about how artists/writers feel bad when creating something with a concept that many other more skilled creators used.

I remember that comic at some point also being used to explain that "It really sucks when you bake a cake, but noone wants to eat it."

I can't speak as a writer, because I don't post the fics I daydream about (yet! I don't post them yet!), but here's a little thing my daydreamer self likes to think.

I baked my cake, and I can eat it too, but I hope the cafe I frequent has something similar too.

Translated?

I wanted to read a fic like this, I made a fic with the idea I wanted, I enjoyed the process and the result, but I sure do hope someone else also makes a similar fic in the future.

I do however mostly daydream my fic ideas. So again. These are just my thoughts on the whole thing that is Comment > Kudos/Like > Reading > Not Reading

[vroenis]

Notes On A Conditional Form

I need a break from games writing, and I guess playing video games I’m not entirely enjoying. To be fair to the Uncharted series, I was also briefly dipping in and out of Battlefield V and that’s just not been going well for a long time. I’ll just sit quietly and wait for the new maps.

Today’s title is the most obvious and terrible of puns, for which I should be fired. You’re fired from your own journal - pack your shit and get the fuck out, Vee. Fine, I never liked this job anyway. Who am I kidding, I love this job - I’ve been writing consistently again since the 16th of February this year and really enjoying it.

For once I’m going to use something topical as a springboard for today’s discussion, so as I say on Twitter - Saturday is writing day.

The 1975′s new album Notes On A Conditional Form is out now, available on all the usual distribution platforms except for the good one that counts (Bandcamp) so go get it.

I’m just finishing up my first full listen-thru in the studio where I do my writing as I begin typing out this piece - actually Guys has just started up so it’s the final song. It’s the second time I’ve heard this track, the first time was last night when my week ended and I finally got a chance to sit down on the couch in-front of YouTube and the promo was in my recommendations. What an adorable video.

For the duration of this writing session, I’ve queued-up Telefon Tel Aviv because it suits my mood better - NOACF will play after Dreams Are Not Enough and it’ll probably play if I write for long enough.

I joked around on Instagram yesterday that I bought NOACF Friday morning but wouldn’t get a chance to listen to it until today. I could have listened to it during my work day but there’s no way I’d have had my first listen on the shitty UE Booms that have transducers made of stale bread I have at my work-from-home desk, plus I don’t want to have distractions for my first listen - be talking over it while I work and have to stop-start music during teleconferences and video-meetings etc. Friday was a particularly hectic day for me, but even if it wasn’t, the speakers alone are enough of a reason for me to not want to engage in critical listening in my work-space. I can’t use the 535s or 555s even, because constantly swapping from music to teleconference headphones would be a nightmare.

It’s fine - I just have to be patient. At some point you just stop having to listen to everything the minute you get it. Years ago, I absolutely would be slamming tunes as soon as I would download them - or back when we bought CDs from stores, R and I would be in the car, peeling plastic wrap and jamming them into the slot and cruising around having a listen. Even then, tho, I made it a practice of setting aside time for dedicated listening. Music has always been important to me, I don’t know if it’s tied intrinsically to being a musician, I don’t think it is but it could be, hard to tell. For as long as I’ve been recording things onto cassette from the radio and then buying CDs with my own money, I’ve spent time just listening to music - not while reading, not while doing chores or homework or recreational things like building Gundam kits and Lego, play board games or entertaining guests with other people altho it has its place backing all of these things.

I’ve always wanted to spend time having music as the main focus - the specific activity I engaged in.

When I studied Audio Production and Engineering, it was taught as a subject called Active Listening, albeit as a pragmatic subject of analysis both sonically and musically and I still appreciate it being taught this way. It engages students to perceive musical listening as something you should do as a verb the same way that it’s taught in psychology and social studies. While there are some specifics you can probably educate yourself with regards to the physics of audio and music theory, at some point it begins to become about what’s subjectively pleasing to your ear - this much is absolutely also taught - that much about sound is about perception and is subjective, and the industry of music (the actual course is literally called Music Industry: Technical Production) is about honing technical skills and combining them with understanding your own subjective perception and successfully marketing them.

The real art of active listening is simply paying attention - it’s rudimentary - it’s just not being passive. Most folks aren’t participants in their appreciation of music and that’s not a facetious statement - there’s nothing wrong with people who don’t take a greater role in their digest of music in general, it’s perfectly OK because it’s probably not that important to them. The point at which they feel they want more from what they hear is when they need to do something about it, but they don’t owe it to anyone else to do anything before that. You’ll get no soapbox ranting about pop-music from me.

What’s perhaps less OK is if an individual regularly expresses discontent at a generalised lack of quality or availability of good art but does nothing to seek it out. Good art has never been more accessible. “Oh Vee,” I hear you cluck, “Are you here fixin’ to tell me The 1975 is good art? Cos we gonna throw down.” If you disagree then firstly that’s fantastic. I mean, you’re wrong, but I’m happy for you. But also you’re already in a good space to know what you do and don’t like and should already be good and finding good art.

I’m getting distracted again.

As meandering as my writing seems to get, hopefully some of it is still healthily circular in some ways - and coming back to the reasons I’ve stepped back from other platforms and am finding it comforting to write regularly here on tumblr is that observation of the longer form. Here I get to set aside more time and give myself more consideration to a topic. I sit in the studio and get my thoughts out over a few hours, then over the next few days, I revisit and re-read snippets or all of what I’ve read, in part to proof-read and correct it but also to go over the subjects I’ve written about in review. Sometimes reviewing inspires further notes in my phone that may or may not turn into journals in the future, but that doesn’t have to be a thing, I’ve not decided yet, but I’ve long ago abandoned the need for every action to bear fruit; it’s a very capitalist way of thinking, this framing of return on investment, that a thing is only worth doing if it’s profitable in the future. The action often has value then and there, it’s the act of doing it, but there has to be an action beyond just the thought, because if I don’t write it down, I know a day later when I want to summon the thought again because I liked it, it’ll be gone from my brain and I’ll hate myself for not noting it. This is how the brain works - it’s immensely capable and sometimes, when everything is important but there are a lot of things, it can’t keep track of them all so at some point it starts discarding them, especially in the short-term.

I watch a lot of YouTube. I really enjoy Rooster Teeth videos and I’ve had a First subscription for almost two years now. Oddly I still watch almost all their content on YouTube simply because it’s more convenient to do so across all devices,  but the point of having a premium subscription for me is to support them as content creators, not to access content earlier or really to access anything exclusive - I’ll be honest, I’m not watching any exclusives at all and couldn’t tell you what that content is. I’m also super glad that they opened up First access free during Covid, so right now you can sign up for First and watch everything thru their web portal and see all that exclusive stuff plus watch everything early and it won’t cost you anything. Yes - part of the point is the marketing benefit that after Covid, they hope you’ll see that First has economic value for you and that you’ll pay for it afterwards, but they transparently, plainly and frequently acknowledge this in their shows which I suspect is more than other companies are doing.

Outside of Rooster Teeth - which do create a lot of content at 30 minutes and above, often 1 hour shows but often 10 to 15 minute episodes, I still do watch a lot of typical 10 to 20 minute YouTube clips, especially after work. My reasons for watching these are probably similar to a lot of people - after an arduous day of office admin, often it’s easier to watch smaller, more easily digested pieces of media instead of material that takes potentially more psychological commitment. How that commitment takes shape is different for everyone - for some people, heavy narrative is more demanding. For me, if you’ve taken any cues about my tastes, you’ve probably figured it’s a little different.

Some of the short clips I watch are video gamers arsing about being funny; a lot of Funhaus (under Rooster Teeth) falls into this category, but a lot of my watching is comprised of Synth Tubers and musicians. There’s some stuff in the periphery - because of Gavin Free’s adjacency in Rooster Teeth, I might watch the occasional SloMo Guys clip that might appear in my recs, as well as the odd 1975 promo because I’m subbed so their single releases appear in my feed and Dirty Hit and adjacent artists will hit my recs too, so again once in a while I might try them to varying success - I bought half of Wolf Alice’s Visions Of A Life but couldn’t bring myself to pay for the full album. Maybe next time.

YouTube is a bit like the thumb, heart and like. It’s the short-term hit, the low-level engagement for my visual and auditory senses. I’m not knocking it, it’s fine. It’s good. It’s not entirely like but not entirely unlike sugar. Does the analogy carry all the way thru to if I consume too much of it, it’ll give my brain virtual brain diabetus? I’m not entirely sure but it could be worth being cautious of. I don’t think that’s a real thing but one thing I certainly have been missing is real cinema, and the other night I finally turned everything off and put on a bluray I’d bought of a film I’d as yet not seen, and was really glad I did;

I don’t often get to watch films that are for me, as egotistical a statement as that might sound. When J is home, I try not to subject her to my film taste, or at least some of the more rigorous sides of it. There’s a decent amount of crossover in our tastes which is plenty fine for us to share, but for some things I’d wait for her to go to bed or be out or away. I’m not sure how she’d take something like The Favourite, there’s a lot to like about the narrative as a whole, but I certainly can understand how people might not like it.

Nevertheless I adored the film, it’s almost perfect for me with the exception of some of the editing - Yorgos Lanthimos edited it himself, it would seem, so that’s ah... a thing. Anyway, alas were I here to discuss the film because it’s an absolute smashing delight.

I really do miss sitting down and just being able to be immersed in good cinema. It isn’t because I don’t want to, either - it really is because I find it so difficult to find film aligned with my tastes. If you want to know what those tastes are, there’s a page full of it, and yes, David Lynch and Terrence Malick are on it so I’m one of thooose people. Whatever, I so don’t fucken care. I’m not a snob, tho - I’ve talked about it before, can’t be arsed digging thru the journals but they only go as far back as Feb so have at it - but I dug the first John Wick, Michael Bay has his place, I mean, he’s a cock, but I respect and admire the cinemacraft - I totally talked about that (maybe I should go find it). I really *really* love action and stunt-craft a lot - there’s a lot of hard work that goes into that - not just sets and props but personnel, stage-craft, lighting, vis-fx and camera. It’s good industry, it looks great and it’s simply fun to watch.

Anyway.

I have action films on bluray, I just don’t talk about them. Instead I keep a list of my weird shit because they get less attention, less money and I feel like they speak more to my experience and there are fewer things in this life that speak to my experience. The list of video games in the journal before this one speak more to my experience, that’s why there’s a list of them. Uncharted speaks infinitely less to my experience, and that’s probably why I hit it with a stick so much, because dear lord jesus fuck look at how much money it gets, and yet look at how poorly the people who made it are being treated and how much fuck-all is being done about it, so fuck that shit, unite and unionise, and support your fucking indies. I’m getting distracted again... it’s not hard to do at the moment...

A dear friend had a birthday recently and they asked for some music - actually let’s roll back. Once our state went into lock-down and we couldn’t go visit one-another, one of my best friends K and I started talking over video-calls instead of our normal phone-calls. We’d normally speak over the phone because we’d see each other when she’d come over and have dinner with J and I, or we’d all have lunch etc. So me being me, there’s no way I’m going to be happy just using my phone - of-course I can run Zoom from my PC and use my webcam, but run all my audio gear thru my interface - meaning a nice condenser mic instead of a shitty phone or hands free, plus all my synths. This is how our video-calls go - I play music for her while we talk. It’s an absolute blast.

On one particular call, she told me the music I was playing at the time would be really great to help her with the work she was doing (also working from home). I was only just playing a Rhodes patch thru the reverb unit with a massive tail but she did have some decent bluetooth headphones on and it sounded great. That weekend, I spent a couple of hours recording a few pieces of simple music, just one instrument and fx direct - no sequencing, straight into audio - lightly normalised - topped and tailed, encoded to mp3 and sent them to her.

I haven’t had a lot of studio time at all over the last two years - J and I have had a really rough year - not with one another, but challenges that we’ve had to face. If you read back thru the journals, you’ll see another one of those which has further flow-on effects for us that we continue to deal with. That’s life. Both she and I have been dealing with these kinds of challenges for most of our lives from a very young age. Sometimes I spend a bit of time noodling, as J calls it, on a piece of gear here and there, and in the past I’ve taken a few bits of gear out of the studio down into the kitchen and recorded videos for Instagram that have been fun - usually for a weekend or week while she’s been out of state with family.

There’s that thing again with only doing things in short bursts and hopefully I’m able to illustrate this pattern of shortness, of us having to live our lives in short bursts. I’m not going to hook it into the evils of YouTube (I like YouTube and use it) or Spotify (I hate Spotify and don’t use it) - as always, these things seem to follow people’s patterns of behaviour rather than shape it - but there are probably some other evils that have shaped our patterns of behaviour and the consumer services have simply followed. Are we being over-worked and is the quality of our life out of balance? Probably. Are we losing touch with a better sense of engagement with one another, activity, focus and art? Very likely. Do we point a furiously waggling finger at Twitter and Facebook and YouTube and yell BAD and run to the hills to farm organic vegetables and hide from 5G (couldn’t help it) for the rest of our days? Not at all because that’s clearly stupid.

I like Twitter. I really like Twitter. I really like YouTube. I really like the Wire and the accessibility and ease it’s brought about. Just because we haven’t quite figured out how best to utilise it doesn’t mean we have to set it on fire and huddle in the dark. I don’t get that approach - we are astonishingly intelligent beings, yet our reaction to not being able to fully process complex things always seems to be SHUN AND RUN. Don’t credit me with that, I’m sure I read it somewhere - I wish Mamoru Oshii’s external memory (or wherever he shoplifted it from) was a real thing and I could check it (NB: I did exactly that, but couldn’t find anything culturally remarkable enough as a source).

Dedicating time to recording those pieces of music for K was really amazing. I just listened back to them and I’m really happy with how they came out. If you ask nicely I might post one of them up here but you’ll have to ask really nice and understand they’re super ambient so they might put you to sleep but that’s one of the desired effects, I guess. Watching The Favourite was amazing, and I have to try to dig out more cinema to dig into. I’m really hoping Ghost of Tsushima reviews well for PS4 because I’m pretty much sold on it - I’d like a game I can play for long periods rather than short bursts because I value enduring video game experiences that aren’t frustrating. And writing here every week has been the most positive step I’ve taken this year, super beneficial and I hope at some point I can get around to discussing some of the other artefacts of art I keep mentioning in greater detail, or at least more about my engagement with them. That list of films has a lot going on in it as far as how it’s influenced my life. I say that it’s listed in no particular order, but Ishikawa’s Tokyo.Sora remains to this day my most favourite film by a long way, no other film has come close, but there are a lot of films that are almost as special and that leave everything else a long way behind. Most of Lynch’s films are pretty special to me, so too most of Oshii’s, but I’d love to talk about why films like Polgar’s Exit and Fliefauf’s Womb are there for their tone and feel more than their content.

I think that’s coming. For the moment I’m still writing as a capture of my mental state in time. Barely anyone uses the term microblogging in reference to Twitter any more but that’s exactly what it is - it’s a granular timecode of people’s pragmatic and emotional reactions to their experience of life - usually too granular to be useful without strange barely accessible tools to process. For me a return to traditional writing has been both immensely useful and satisfying. I enjoy both cataloguing and documentation, but I also love the mechanical process of such. Sitting down and spending time writing has given me perspective on how and when to use a granular tool like Twitter - even for shitposting - and Instagram too, tho shuttering Instagram is still on the cards - and it’s amplifying every activity I dedicate time to.

More and more I’m getting down on the floor with our dogs and playing with them - I did this anyway but I do it more, to bond with them and enjoy a sense of play and place at their level in pack harmony. There’s nothing overly spiritual and wanky about that, they’re just our dogs and we love them, it’s just about understanding canine behaviour and enjoying it.

This isn’t a puff piece about the perfect life, far from it. I’m not just trying to be positive either. There’s still an immense amount of shit happening around me, never you mind. It’s hard to contextualise everything all at the same time, so don’t be tempted to believe I’m here doing a HASHTAG BLESSED post because you can fuck right off. Go back and look at my taste in films damnit and tell me a positivity-only person digs those films get fucked. You wouldn’t know what we’ve been thru and I wouldn’t know what you’ve been thru either. Let us talk about shit sometimes and don’t do that whataboutism shit. You should be more mature than that. If there’s anything granular media has done it’s make you a lazy thinker so shake yourself out of it. You know better. You *know* you know better. Come on.

I might draw some art for you to steal, come back and insert it but I’m happy with ending here.

[stimmyvillainarchive]

I don’t steal gifs

Despite how angry I am and how much I wanna cry stressed and angry tears I’m gonna be as mature about this as possible because being an ass isn’t gonna get me anywhere. But I will warn of a rant at the end because I think I deserve it.

So namedrop cause they namedropped me. (and no this is NOT an invitation to go and send them hate and shit. Seriously if you do that block me right fucking now.) calmstim and snotstim are accusing me of stealing and reposting their gifs with no proof whatsoever. Awhile back snotstim came on anon and accused me of this and didn’t follow it up with anything. Didn’t try to talk to me about it. Didn’t ask me to unblock them and discuss it like an adult should. I brushed it off because whatever. I know I didn’t steal anything. So I have nothing to worry about.

Now they’re freaking out because I’ve made gifs from videos they too have made gifs from. Again; not talking to me about it. I never told them to piss off or that I refused to talk about it. They had every chance to ask me to unblock them via logging out and going on anon, but they didn’t. If they had talked with me about it, despite any opinions I may have had about them, I’d respect them enough as a person to try and come to a conclusion. I can be an ass but I wouldn’t do it solely because I wanna be petty. And I can understand the paranoia of worrying about your content being stolen. As an artist that worries me and as an artist I’ve had my content stolen/reposted/uncredited/etc.

One thing I wanna point out in particular is that calmstim accused me of stealing a moon bath bomb gif, reposting it, and not giving credit.

This was a “my bad” on my part. I made a gif of the same video. I had had that video in my bookmarks for a long time before I decided to go on a giffing spree and get it done.

http://stimmyvillain.tumblr.com/post/163231705263/onyx-stimboard-dont-remove-my-caption <-- this is where I forgot to place credit for myself. I apologize for not crediting myself as it’s just given them fuel for their anger.

http://stimmyvillain.tumblr.com/post/162096229153/golden-slumber-bath-bomb-kink-blogs-dont <-- this is where I originally posted my gifset of it. I was actually surprised soon after posting it to see calmstim’s version of the video on my dash. (This was a rather long time ago, so I don’t remember who reblogged it or when.)

I won’t go and disprove every gif being accused of being stolen as original. Since it’d get repetitive. But I will say a few things.

1. calmstim and snotstim never gave proof that these were the same files. They just screenshotted my posts and continued with their false callouts. 

2. Absolutely NO ONE is commenting on the fact I have made many, many, MANY gifsets. AND that I’ve been making gifsets ever since I started this blog. And of course there’s a reason why: there’s nothing wrong with them. They were properly credited and that was that. And to this day no one complains about many gifsets I make.

So if I make original content all the time... What point would I have to steal the content of blogs I don’t like?

And furthermore on that last comment, why would I steal something from people I don’t like? Why would I admit to myself that “oh I’m not good enough to make gifsets of these videos so I’ll just steal ‘em!” I mean I have self image issues. But if there’s something I can respect myself in is knowing that stealing is wrong and that I don’t need to imitate people I don’t like. That would just make me hate myself more. That makes no sense.

3. Do calmstim and snotstim own any of the videos they’ve giffed that they’re accusing me of stealing? No. Is it copyrighted that prevents me and other individuals from giffing it? No.

And on that note as well, I’m sure they have gifs made from videos THEY’VE made themselves. Why wouldn’t I steal them? If I was stealing a bunch of their content already, why set limits? In their eyes I apparently don’t give a damn about any wrongdoing so why try to cover my tracks if it’s “so obvious”?

Because I didn’t steal it. I have no reason to.

4. I can show you all EXACTLY how I make my gifs. I’m sure maybe even a few of you out there remember when I was asking around if somebody knew of an alternative way to make gifs as, at the time, my ingur gif-maker stopped working and any of the imgur staff I contacted did nothing to help. So I needed a new way. stimmybby (don’t dare mess with them for this they didn’t do anything wrong and they aren’t involved) came to me and said they had a tutorial for how to do it! So I do it the same way stimmybby does! I do it like this --> http://stimmybby.tumblr.com/post/155515895053/stimmy-gif-tutorial

I also make all my gifs 230x240. That’s the sizing on all my gifs. The only ones that aren’t like that are a couple of my first gifsets where I was trying to get the hang of things and figure out how to gif things properly. Those may be bigger or smaller.

I know EXACTLY how to make my own content. I am going to be making gifsets on my art/edit blog. Because I like giffing things.

So if I can make it myself... What reason would I have to steal from somebody else.

I’m a person trying to get their name out there. I’m trying to be an artist and a game creator. Doing shit like this would RUIN my reputation. And if I did it then rightfully so. But I didn’t because 1. that would go against my morals/self rules. 2. That’s just straight up shitty and I try to be a decent person. And 3. I don’t support or like snotstim or calmstim so reposting their content would just straight up be saying “everything they make it automatically BETTER than mine and I have no reason to try and do something for myself and accept these people are better than me.”

I wouldn’t do that. Not because I’m petty, no. It’s because I have at least that much self respect and respect for them simply for people that I’d know that wouldn’t be fair to them or me. I may not like them, but I’m not gonna do something to stress them out or hurt them or commit wrong to them simply because I can. I’m no bully. I don’t play like that.

5. With all that said, EVERYONE is absolutely FINE with these adults dragging me-a TEENAGER that has done my best to AVOID them because I’m trying to be mature and avoid conflict-through the mud with no solid evidence.

Which, btw, their followers are having a field day with this.

This one’s my favorite. Which, btw, after this post and all those asks have been screencapped, everyone’s getting IP blocked. If you don’t have the human decency to speak to me like a person then you’re not worth my time.

Which, speaking of picking on a minor, I hope you’re happy cause I was on the verge of having a panic attack in the car with my mom there who was not prepared to handle that.

But after this, I have no reason to speak to these people. They’ve had chances to treat me like a person and took none of them. I blocked them from the start because I felt they were bullies. And this situation proves my point. They called me out on something I didn’t do with no evidence I did it and their followers just... Believed it. No questions asked. I’m declared scum for making my own content.

And the ONLY thing I did that is even remotely close to what they’re accusing me of is if I see a gifset I like, but I do not like the person, then I save the VIDEO for me to gif LATER so I can enjoy the content without feeling unsafe because my comfort is important. I made this blog for MY comfort because I’m a mentally ill person who has to struggle to keep from self harming and who has to struggle with not killing themselves.

I didn’t come here to have people make me feel this horrible for something I did not do. I was having a great day I spent with my girlfriend and now it’s ruined because I’m gonna have to fight the voice in my head telling me that even if I do nothing I ruin everything.

This is why I avoided these people in the first place. To prevent this from happening. Clearly I was wrong.

And no, this rant isn’t for pity. I didn’t want your pity before and I don’t want it now. But I am emotional right now because of the things I described and I feel like an idiot because last night I dared allowed myself to feel safe and happy and I feel like I can’t trust any positive emotions I feel because of shit like this.

This rant isn’t for pity. I’m hoping this rant will just make you consider listening to to the smaller voices. I’m no big name stim blog who has thousands of people to listen to whatever I say and believe it. I’m just a kid trying to do something healthy for themselves and giffing is something that I find phenomenally relaxing. And I’m going to continue doing it. And unless you have footage of me stealing their gifs then you have no right to try and stop me from doing something that is not wrong.

If I do something wrong, I ask people to point it out to me. As a white person I want someone to point out if I did something racist so I can learn from my mistakes and unlearn racism. As a man I want someone to point out if I did something sexist so I can learn from my mistakes and unlearn sexism. As an able-bodied person I want somone to if I did something ableist so I can learn from my mistakes and unlearn ableism. So I’d want the same if I stole something. But I didn’t do anything except make my own gifs and now I’m being punished for it. If I’m mature enough to accept I’m just as capable of doing bigoted things as anyone else, then I’m mature enough to accept if I stole something.

But I didn’t. And I demand to be treated like a person or I have nothing to say to you and nothing to do with you.

And for that matter if you’d like to talk about this calmly and maturely, I’d be fine with that. Everyone else who’d rather throw names and tell me I’m lower than scum will be met with a block because you are not worth my time, patience, or energy. Enough of that has been wasted on this because I’m constantly struggling with the feeling that I destroy and ruin everything I come into any form of contact with. And this situation didn’t do anything to help me out.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I probably need to go cry out these overflowing emotions I’m feeling. But before I end this I’m going to emphasize this because the tumblr community needs to be told this.

Absolutely DO NOT go and harass anyone mentioned here. I don’t care how you think of them. You send anything that’s harmful or even slightly shitty then I don’t want anything to do with you because you’re a giant hypocrite and you’ve ignored everything I just said and I want no part in your company.