#for real the only reason I'm grateful I didn't kill myself when I wanted to months ago

[hussyknee]

Uninstalled Twitter and Tumblr off my phone and have been trying to disengage but the harder I try, the more the images rise up and refuse to leave. Yesterday I had a couple of hours of distraction and then my brain decided to throw up the video I saw weeks ago, of a toddler covered in ash, her little mouth a moue of surprise, conscious and blinking up at the ceiling while the medic cradled the back of her blown out skull. She died afterwards.

And it comes back to me again and again that there is no end to this, no respite, no help. And I feel half mad with pain.

I know it's entirely my fault that I engaged with Gaza at all knowing I was far too mentally ill to handle it, and then never once being able to disengage for over a month. Nobody with hyperempathy should go near something like this. But I kept thinking it would stop, it had to stop, they can't just systematically slaughter two million people with the entire world watching and protesting. But they're going to. They don't need bombs anymore because there's no food or water or medicine or place to escape the toxic smog of a month's worth of bombs and rotting corpses under rubble. They're just continuing to empty out all of Uncle Sam's toys on the heads of dying people because they're sadistic murderers who like to see their food writhing. And it's not going to end.

I feel unhinged with pain. If it hadn't been for my three little rescue kittens climbing on my lap and headbutting me for petting, I would have gone back to the hospital and demanded they fry my brain again. Six weeks of gaving my memory ripped up like lettuce leaves and tossed like a salad earlier this year was such a terrifying experience that I swore I would never get that desperate again. But I'd take my memory being wiped clean to just never have to remember any of this again.

[bronx-bomber87]

Hello my wonderful fandom family :) Thanks for being so patient with me. I know I have till January but I am moving/slash road tripping at the end of Sept to a new state. Which is a HUGE change. Going two time zones ahead and everything. So wanting to get it out there before I move and have even less time LOL Also thank you for wanting to take this journey with me. S6 was hard on all of us.

Haven't had a show rock me this hard in a very long time. So I'm forever grateful for the love and comments these in depth reviews get. Never want to take that for granted. This was a ROUGH season to say the least. But I’m excited to dissect it with decompressed eyes and somewhat healed shipper heart. Be lying if I was saying it was fully healed. But was a much needed break for me. Let us begin shall we?

6x01 Strike Back.

Premiere starts off with a literal bang. They’re all trying to figure what is actually happening. The mastermind clearly not the man they just took down in Luke Moran. Also loving how scruffy Tim is in this first shot of the premiere. The stubble all over that gorgeous jawline of his. Mmm. Delicious dusting. Love to break me off a piece. Wouldn't be a review if Feral Caitlin didn't make an appearance would it? ha God he's beautiful I can't help myself. This is his fault really.

Anyway back to matter at hand.... Lucy points out Luke may have been a patsy for the real crime. Diverting all their resources to this this one spot instead of their real target. Our girl always being the brains and Tim being impressed by it. They go hand in hand. You know that man loves her brain. Her intelligence is just one of many reason's he fell in love with her. Fun to watch her flex it I have to say.

There’s so much to love about these shots in the shop with them. The Metro call sign being one of them. It does things to me. It’s just sexy. Also the automatic way she’s paired with him in this moment. Like anyone else would be in that car with him but still. Ever the packaged deal. Just the little things I always love so very much. They don’t share shops anymore. So this is a treat. Riding together, brainstorming, and just being the bad ass team they always are in the field. Makes my shipper heart happy to see it.

After the Federal Reserve mayhem we skip 6 weeks into the future. I always wondered what happened in those six weeks with our ship. Probably nothing massive tbh. But be fun to know what shippy goodness could’ve occurred. I imagine they had some time off after that. Spent it together and decompressed from the madness. Just a nice thought to think about is all. *cough fic writers cough.*

We start off our cuteness with Lucy in Tim’s office studying. There’s so much to love about this scene it’s unreal. Let’s start with Lucy taking residency in his office like it’s hers. Knowing it’s a quiet place for her to retreat to. Also I’m sure Tim offered it up long ago for her. Which makes me giddy to no end. He’s not the least shocked that she’s using it. Only that she’s not out on patrol. Married status continues to level up in this moment.

Lucy explains she’s fallen way behind in her studies. OT is killing her atm. I can’t imagine how stressed she feels. Lucy is our resident academic. Not having the time to nerd out on her studies has to be killing her. It’s why she reaches out to her man for help. To pivot this in a different direction. Something that worked for Tim when he needed studying time. Asking if she could ride with him today? Could quiz her between calls.

Getting flashbacks to 2x02 when she helped him study between calls for his exam. I always love the callbacks they do for them. Continuity is ship crack for me. I eat it up. He accepts and Lucy is beaming. Their smiles in this scene are so adorable. Couldn’t be more in love if they tried tbh. I remember thinking how much I missed our idiots in love so much. I'll be this way for S7 too. I miss them.

Tim looks excited for this challenge. You can see it in his face above. But he is also letting her know how hard it’s going to be if she wants him to do this. That it’s probably not going to solve her problem. But he’s willing to expand her knowledge base on wildcards. This way she can take any curve balls Primm has to throw. Lucy’s smile is everything when she thanks him. Relieved her man is gonna help her her out. I mean of course he would. Nothing he wouldn't do for her and she knows it.

I remember seeing the funniest post for this moment before it aired. How it was her basically asking ‘Babe, please be mean to me.’ LOL Lord knows this woman is well aware he wasn’t gonna take it easy on her. Just like the old days. It's where she learned the most. So it makes sense she would wanna dip her toe back in that pool.

Tim is ready to roll. Starting his ‘boot’ engines back up. Don’t tell me it's not a little bit of a kink for Tim. That man is too damn excited to be able to boss her around again. That being said says she learns best when she’s pissed off. I mean he’s not wrong…No one knows how to teach her better than he does. Lucy counters by saying does she? Or is this is just giving him permission to be an ass?

Tim letting her know if that’s really how she feels she doesn’t actually want his help. Lucy backtracks and is desperate for him to guide her with this. Saying she needs it. Tim is lighting up like a Christmas tree. You know that man LOVES her needing him professionally. It’s been awhile since she has. He’s excited. Lucy has been a self sufficient cop for long time now. Hasn’t needed his guidance for quite some time. So for her to come to him with this he is a happy camper.

Tim is thrilled to put his T.O. hat back on for her. They have such married energy through out this scene. Lucy telling him she doesn’t like his excited smile. Tim deflecting saying it's just his smile haha The absolute wifey look she gives him is hilarious. They just be flirting freely in the hallways. Like they aren’t completely married at this point. Even though he’s driving her insane she follows him out with an 'in love' smile. She loves her ass of a boyfriend haha

They hit the road and Lucy is still questioning her decision. Oh my girl. Saying maybe should’ve chosen Harper or Lopez instead…Tim makes a joke how Angela just got back. Her cop brain is just booting up. Which earns a smile out of Lucy. She loves this man sitting next to her so very much. Written all over her face. Doesn’t take long before Tim triggers a Lucy rant though.

Poor man is just trying to help the woman he loves get through this. Wasn't expecting the time bomb he received. He sets her off by saying no matter who teaches her they all have the same database. That there’s only a 8 percent difference between ranks. This is what ignites the Lucy meltdown above. That Primm is going to use that eight percent to trip her up. His face above when she starts is priceless. Tim is just bracing for impact at this point LMAO Ain't no stopping what's coming his way.

The flood gates have opened and phew lord what a meltdown it is LOL Holy hell. She is the queen of them. I adore how Melissa can shoot off so much dialogue in one breath. It’s impressive af if you ask me. Also makes me cackle so much cause I’ve been her. So many times when I’m under immense stress I do the same. You prattle on until you run out of steam. I can’t believe there isn’t a gif set of this rant so I made one. It’s too good not to have in this review.

It’s the look on Tim’s face that has me ROLLING. It’s been awhile since he’s had an epic Lucy rant thrown at him and it shows. Eric the King of facial expressions is at it again. I’m laughing so damn hard. I remember having to pause cause I was laughing so much at his expression. He most definitely wasn't expecting the rant that he got. If you can look at him above and not laugh you're made of stone. Hang in there Tim lmao Your girl Is worth this intense stress/anxiety vomit she just spewed all over you. It's like he doesn't even know where to begin after she's done. So he just doesn't....

The married energy continues once Lucy has wrapped up her meltdown. Tim being the smart man he is doesn’t say a word. He’s learned a thing or two from this relationship. Lucy though takes his silence as saying everything for him. With her ‘Please don’t.’ Tim trying not to start anything telling her he’s said nothing. He truly wasn’t expecting the explosion he got. Was happy to be a passenger princess today, while he quizzed her through out the day. And instead got an epic freak out right out the gate.

Tim can’t win for losing in this scene. (or this episode really) Lucy telling him she hear him thinking it. I remember there being a Chenford Bingo of some sort before the premiere. And exasperated husband was on there. This delivered that in spades. His reaction after her saying this is gold. Haha This is the woman you’ve chosen to love Timothy. LMAO You know he loves her to death neuroses and all but good lord ha.

Their banter never fails to hit and the marriage vibes on top of this is top tier. I am here for it all damn day. One of those 'When did they get married again?' moments. His look at the end is like he’s chanting to himself . ‘You love this woman…you love this woman...’ Lucy tops it off saying she just won’t sleep till the exam. Leaving Tim to shake his head more and not say a word. Only look out the window as he rolls his eyes. Primo banter and chemistry here. *chef kiss*

They roll up to their first wildcard. I adore the Metro call sign as they do. Tim assigning the crime scene to Lucy as he does. *fans self* I can’t explain why the call sign so sexy. Just is. Also them sharing it on the scene also gets me all in my feels. Tim is telling her that he is there as a resource for her. But she is the one in charge. Asking her what’s her first move?

The Plain Clothes Day vibes are all over this scene and it's fantastic. Another callback I am so happy they touched on. Lucy confidently strides onto the scene and explains her move. Tim tells her to call it in. Love the way she looks at him the entire time she does. Tim asks her what else? This is where Lucy’s confidence starts to wain sadly.

Where that panicked rookie from all those years ago begins to resurface. The way she is talking at Tim trying to figure it out oh my lord. The PCD vibes are so strong. Only this time Tim is helping her out a lot more. Unlike back in S1 he was there to watch her flop around, second guess herself and drown. It’s much different this time around. He truly wants her to succeed and let's her know as much in his responses. Lucy doesn’t see that in this moment though unfortunately.

Tim telling her the obvious boxes are checked but what’s her wildcard? The spiraling is so real for her in this moment. It hurts to watch the anxiety build in Lucy. Tim testing her knowing she can do this but her confidence is eroding in this moment rapidly. He is trying to get her there faster by saying she doesn’t have a minute. Which she really doesn’t when we know how this scene ends…

One of my fav parts of this scene is the line above. The kindness and gentleness Tim has. Because he wasn’t in love with her during PCD like he is now. Here he is trying to be supportive and gently guide her to the answer. Even give her an out for it. S1 Tim never would’ve said there’s no shame in not knowing the answer. Not this directly anyways. Doing his damn best to support her through this. But also help her get to the answer so she learns. Lucy takes it the wrong way though.

Reason being it has nothing to do with the man next to her. That man would die first before not supporting her. Level headed Lucy would know that. Sadly she is not here with us at this crime scene. Who she really is mad at is herself at this point. Because she should know the answer and her brain is stalling out in this moment. Tim told her he wasn’t gonna take it easy on her. But breaks a little with his kind reply. Giving her an out if she wants it. Lucy can’t handle it though...Because she is being far harder on herself for this than Tim could ever be. I can relate so hard to this it's unreal.

I do love the way she says ‘Sergeant Bradford, please.’ Lucy feels like she’s suffocating in her own thoughts. The panicked rush to get this right and hitting a wall. The anger building towards Tim at the same time. The confidence she has built since S3 just melting away the more she stresses. All the while taking it out on Tim. Why you ask? Because in this moment she is projecting that anxiety and stress onto him with her reply. Defense mechanism thy name is Lucy Chen.

Doesn’t take long after that line for the sprinklers to come on….The wildcard revealing itself on its own. We watch as the evidence literally gets washed away and the bullet down the drain….Lucy rushes to chase it and watches as it goes down a storm drain. A reflection for how she feels about her hopes of passing this test…It’s a rough scene to watch unfold for her. The devastation on her face when she realizes that bullet is gone is very rough.

They return to the station and Lucy is as defeated as she can be. Hoping no one knows about it as as she rubs her tattoo. They start to play clown music as she enters. SMH. Tim trying not to laugh. Aaron doesn’t help when he also laughs at her misfortune. Not a good day for our girl….Lucy gets distracted by Wesley being there with the baby.

We get a small sweet departure from her anxiety in this moment. While she has him she wants his legal opinion on her crime scene. He too laughs. These men in her life are the worst right now. Not helping her building anxiety and loss of confidence. Wes telling her she fatally ruined that scene. That she’s gonna need a straight up confession to convict someone. And that’s only if she finds the killer…oof.

We rejoin our beautiful duo staking out the crime scene. Lucy grasping at straws to fix what she so royally screwed up. Her heightened state of spiraling continues on in this scene. Lucy admits she wants to skip the exam. Her face breaks my damn heart. Killing me here Melissa. I do love the way he says her first name in response. Still gets me he can. After years of Officer Chen and ‘boot.’ Just hits differently and makes my shipper soul happy.

Tim tells her she is ready. That man would not tell her she was ready if she wasn’t. Relationship or not that man doesn’t hold back. Wouldn't send her head long into failure. If Lucy was in a better place emotionally she would’ve heard him. Heard the confidence in his tone. Seen the empathy he was exuding for her. This man has changed so much in his time with her.

It sky rocketed when they got together. Tim couldn’t have been more supportive if he tried in this scene. Hell this entire episode. But she is so very stuck in her head. A place Tim could normally shake her loose from. A specialty of his really. He can’t gain an inch of ground in this scenario. Lucy has dug her heels in so to speak that she’s gonna fail. Nothing he says is getting through.

Our girl is experiencing massive amounts of anxiety and self doubt. The panic attack is real. The fact that the one person she would’ve sold her soul for, in order to get his support back in the day, isn’t getting through is a problem. Lucy goes on to say she knows herself. That if she takes this test right now she will fail. Her confidence will die along with it. That it’s better to wait. Tim steps from one minefield to the next with this convo.

When he once again is just trying to be supportive and says ‘Then wait.’ Not only is he being in her corner he gives her something she can do in meantime. Something he hates the idea of. Her going UC while she waits this anxiety/doubt out. If that isn’t him supporting her idk what is. He is also still learning how to be there for her emotionally and she isn't giving him the grace for that. Sadly Lucy isn't in the right mind to see that though. She is just stuck in the mode she's been trapped in all ep.

I get it I really do and empathize with her. I’m the same way when my emotions are in a heightened state. Nothing gets through. I'm frozen in place emotionalIy. I get very doom and gloom as well. Lash out at anyone who isn’t going to be positive and reassuring. Which Tim is doing his best to be. But Lucy is in such a dark state of mind she doesn’t see it. All she sees right now is he doesn’t believe in her and is kicking her while she is down. She needs reassurances right now. To her he isn't delivering that the way she is wanting at this point. Him agreeing with her that she should wait is only making matters worse.

Anxiety is a cruel cruel master. It makes you believe things that aren’t true. Amplifies them to the point that you’re so wound up you’re lashing out at everyone. Even your person. Which is exactly what’s happening with Lucy in this moment. Her accusing him of making it worse with how bad she already feels. When Tim is professing words of encouragement all she hears is him saying she can’t do it.

Tim is desperate for her to know he’s in her corner after this display. Asking her if she heard him? Lucy is distracted by someone showing up to the crime scene. Tim asks her what? Lucy replying that woman was looking at the crime scene while crying. Tim is so sassy in his reply I’m proud of him. ‘Or maybe she just had a frustrating fight with her girlfriend’ heh love this. Calling her his GF always gives me the feels.

Lucy gets a last minute win with this case. Catching this lady trying to get her bracelet back after tossing the gun. Her cop gut serving her well. Sadly Lucy doesn’t see this win as such and it bleeds into this final scene unfortunately. Once again the music is absolute perfection. I’ll post some of my fav lyrics at the end of my analysis of this fight. But first let us witness the incredible chemistry that is Eric and Melissa in this final portion. You know your ship is amazing when even their angst is lightning in a bottle goodness.

This fight I will say when I watched it originally excited me. Because it just showed they’re human. Real. The both of them. They make mistakes and aren’t perfect. How healthy this was for them to get off their chest. Because honestly the UC/detective tension has been building for a long while. This was the boiling point for it IMO. This scene hurt so good to watch. I rewound it a few times before I could process it the first time.

Tim starts off with congratulating her on her 4th quarter win. He’s genuinely so proud of her for bouncing back. Felt like she NEEDED this win. So he makes sure she knows. But like I said earlier Lucy isn’t viewing it that way. Her perception is more than a little skewed atm. Her building anger at Tim has reached it's peak. She is cold to him and brisk as hell. Tim immediately picking up on her clipped ‘Thanks.’ Like she was going to be able to hide her anger and frustration from him. Girl no. Tim asks her what? Lucy shrugging him off once again.

Tim pulls on her arm gently and parrots her own damn words back at her from 5x21. That they’re not gonna work if she’s going to lie to him. Lucy conceding immediately to that. I mean they have a lot to work on communication wise, but they’ve also come really far in this aspect too. Don’t wanna disregard that. Look at Tim confronting this right away and communicating effectively. There are causes for excitement with that growth. That being said they have a ways to go. This fight is proof of that.

Lucy pulls zero punches when she asks if he undermined her today so she wouldn’t make detective? The absolute look of hurt painted across his beautiful face kills me. As you all know I relate with Tim so very much. He is so deeply loyal and loving. That any of his motives are to help those he loves around him. He truly thought he was helping her out today. Being supportive and helpful. So for her to come at him like this is leaving him stunned and extremely hurt.

His person the one person who knows him better than anyone, accusing him of something he would never even fathom doing. I was hurt for him watching this. Last thing he would ever do would be to hinder her intentionally. Loyalty to a fault is having someone else hurt you first before you’d ever do the same. That’s Tim. It’s why he is so defensive the rest of this scene. And rightfully so. I'm proud of him telling her it upset him she would even think that of him. Because IMO he did not undermine her. That man did what was asked of him.

All of Lucy’s pent up anxiety, anger, and frustration comes out full force at Tim in this scene. And my boy didn't deserve it. I was on his side the first time I watched it and I am now. I didn’t see that changing though lol. Do I understand what Lucy is going through? Yes. Good god yes. I've been her. I feel so much for what she's going though. I want to make that very clear. But Tim didn't deserve this barrage against him. Wanna also note i’m so proud of the writers for tackling mental health from the jump with this season. Both our babies got issues and this was the precursor to the season really. We just had no idea at the time....

Lucy assumed all day he was undermining her. Instead of just confronting that fact she sat in it. Stewed in it really. ALL. DAMN. DAY. Which isn’t like her. She is the type to face it right away and voice that to Tim. But didn’t this time. Giving us a little taste of their communication problems early on this season. There’s that saying. 'When you assume you make an ass out of you and me.’ And by the end of this convo Lucy is feeling like an ass. I guarantee you that .

Lucy continues to dig herself a hole when she bring up that maybe it was "unconscious". Not deliberate but also that he couldn’t help it. Which doesn’t make Tim feel any better. Nor would it make me feel any better either tbh….Basically saying he has no control over things he does. Which just insult to injury at this point for him. Then Lucy goes for her next punch below. One I still feel was unfairly delivered.

Does Tim still carry those issues? Of course he does. 100% that is still a weight on him. It’s reflected in the next ep when the subject of UC comes up. But does it belong in this fight with him? No. It has zero place in it. But like I said before she is feeling a loss of control and confidence in herself. So she is projecting her insecurities and feelings onto Tim. By bringing up his and using them to stabilize hers. It's a low blow she is dispatching to him.

She is running from her own feelings about this. She is also protecting herself by making it about Tim and his problems. (Which he has for sure) Because she isn’t ready to face the fact that she’s afraid of UC and all that will come with it. How being a detective on top of it is going to pull her from him even more.

She voiced these concerns in 5x19 when she was originally studying for her exam. It’s easier for her right now to hide in and blame Tim for his problems, than deal with her own right now. Tim’s reaction is so valid in this moment. Because to him all he did was have her back from the jump. He is feels sucker punched by this explosion and it's written all over his reaction.

Lucy asked him to help her. He did. Even told her it wouldn’t be easy and he wouldn’t be soft on her. She accepted the terms of this situation willingly. Tim supported her best he could through her meltdown. Did his damndest to not comment on it. He knows it’s her process to spiral a bit then right herself. Because he knows her so well. He had her back in trying to help figure out her wildcard. She rejected it and drowned.

Tim was calm and kind even if she didn’t recognize it about the exam. When she was doubting herself he built her up letting her know she can do it. Did his best to be in her corner if she truly felt she wasn’t ready. Then congratulated her when she got her case win. To Tim all that was him having her back.

It’s why he’s so blindsided and hurt by her words. Lucy is basically kicking him while he down in this moment and it hurt to watch. Because her anxiety and immense stress has blinded her. Making her act so very not like herself. She came at him with a one-two punch. First punch accusing him of undermining her and second being an unfair Isabel punch.

The K.O. punch really is him reading her face above. The way she looks at him when he says ‘But if you can’t see that then…’ Doesn’t even finish his sentence. He can read her just as well as she can read him. Lucy cannot see that right now. Too clouded by her extreme anxiety and stress to see him and his intentions clearly. So he ejects out of the convo. She has knocked him down for the count.

Tim can’t take the way she is looking at him right now. The way she is making him feel. Tim has always held how she viewed him in high regard. Nothing means more to him than what she thinks of him. So for her to level him with this is heartbreaking for him. So he reverts back to old Tim and clams up. Tells her he’s tired and for them to take the night off. Then walks away from her with no way for her to retort.

Lucy is a block of ice until this line of his. She was fully expecting him to apologize and go home with her. And he did not. He ejected out of the conversation to go lick his wounds. The look of shock on her face is everything. She wasn’t expecting that at all. You can see the panic on her face. That raw panic of her being left behind by him. Of Tim leaving her. The tears building in her eyes as he does this. Oh the painful foreshadowing that is this moment…..

The lyrics for this scene are so poignant and perfect. As is the entire musical lineup for this season. Perfectly encompasses Lucy in this episode and especially this scene. Here are some of my favs.

‘I think I’m losing my mind. I see you’re losing your light. Drowning out the decibels. Do you wanna find the antidote? Trying to watch my obstacles, see how fully I’ve been broke.’ Lucy is so broken in this episode and doesn’t reach out to the one person, her person to help fix her. She was drowning and went to him for the antidote and then refused it the entire time. Then gets consumed by it all.

Just a glaring look into how they both deal with being emotionally overwhelmed and vulnerable. And it’s not a good look for either of them this season tbh. But we start out with Lucy’s where I side with Tim before we go head long into Tim’s and I side with Lucy it's balanced at least lol. Damn good premiere though. I was buzzing with excitement after it.

As always thank you to anyone who read this. To all the likes, comments and or reblogs I may receive you are the best. I shall see you all in 6x02 :)

Side notes-Non Chenford

~~~~

Scruffy Tim in this ep has my ovaries in overdrive. Mmm just wanna nom on his jawline like corn on the cob.

Nyla Harper being a bad ass in a tense situation is primo. Can always count on her. The aftermath sucks for her though.

Angela being more excited to see a burrito than her husband is hilarious and so on brand haha

Main baddie gets eliminated at the end of the ep. Not sure I remember why tbh haha Things got hazy at the end of the season for me with the SL.

[obey-my-twisted-logic]

Truth Spilled : Prefect is not the perfect extrovert they're assumed to be - not at all. Idia Shroud x GN!Reader (may be slightly fem leaning, apologies in advance if I missed anything like that)

Synopsis : post book 6, after Idia shows his skills, Prefect decides to take him aside when he seems overwhelmed by the people, leaving Ortho to entertain those who remain. As they reassure and comfort him, the cracks show and the shell reveals a close guarded secret.

Warnings : crying, mental health confessions, ptsd and beyond. Occasional cursing on both ends. Basic proof reading, potentially missed grammatical or spelling errors is higher than you think. Angst is real, but there's some playful fluff in the end. Only platonic in this blurb.

Authors Note : very self indulgent. How I personally have been feeling as the game progresses as someone with severe PTSD and anxiety. Had I been in a dorm, definitely would have been Ignihyde 100%.

---

After the impressive amount of prowess and just cocky amount of game play by the usually introverted dorm leader, you decided to rescue him when the nervous sweating kicked in. The initial adrenaline had worn off, and you knew the only reason he hadn't bolted was because Ortho had never looked happier, getting to interact and be normal with a group of friends, and making sure his big brother got to join in the fun.

Big brother was all "fun"d out, and as a good host, and just sympathetic anxiety riddled bean, you take him upstairs with the excuse of needing assistance with some older technology you had been relying on.

After gently steering him up the stairs and to the furthest guest room, you hold on lightly to the sleeve of his jacket to guide him. Nothing too invasive, but still a comfort, despite his initial flinch, he seemed to accept the action and looked almost grateful for the escape.

"Here we are. Furthest back and best insulation, trust me." You say leading him in and closing the door quietly. "Sorry for the white lie, but you looked like you needed the break, so I thought-" immediately your cut short by a nasty look and a huff as he dropped onto the bed and fell back.

"What would you even know about how I feel? What was I not cheerful enough for your liking? Perfect Prefect, of course you'd notice. Why'd you bring attention to it?" Idia snapped giving you a dirty look. Now Ortho would be upset and think he hadn't had any fun.

Sigh escaping your lips you take a seat on the floor and lean against the closed door. Eyes closed you steady your breathing the best that you can. Despite your best, tears streak gently and slowly from each eye. You can hear him shift panicked on the bed, assuming he was sitting upright and staring. You decide to keep your eyes closed, more amused by the expression in your mind and not wanting to embarrass yourself further.

"Idia, I know you're smart, I know you think you know all that there is to know about everything." Slowly you open your eyes, ignoring the tears, allowing yourself this moment. He wanted to know why you did it, why you interfered, well he'd certainly find out today. "You're not near as smart when it comes to any information you think you know about me."

"I grew up in constant survival mode. As soon as I begin to heal from the nightmare my life has been, I'm ripped into a world that I've never known. Most memories have been ripped from me of my old world, and I was dumped here with only my survival instincts keeping me from truly breaking down." You wipe some tears away, just to clear your vision to catch his gaze. He looked guilty and chewed at his lower lip.

"I've been nearly killed by half the damn people I call my "friends" and honestly, I do love them all, but the only reason it's even been possible is my desperation for survival." You laugh coldly and stand, the rant and your breathing becoming more erratic as it all comes tumbling out.

"Perfect Prefect? I don't have any other way to protect myself. Idia I didn't even have a phone until the THIRD overblot. THREE of the most powerful students on this campus had to try killing me for the fool of a headmaster to give me this... technological piece of shit." You toss your phone next to him on the bed. "I may not know much about this world, but I know about technology. It's different but very similar to what I used to work with in my old world..." Catching the surprised look on his pale face you can't help but laugh. "Yes yes, pitiful, magicless human knows how technology works. There's a reason that my grades keep Grimm an honor student, I'm far from stupid."

The crying resumes and laughter is mixed in as you give him a pathetic look. "Even he's attacked me, and Grimm's the closest I even have to a family in this hellscape. Idia I'm so tired." You choked up a sob and sank to your knees, back pressed against the wall now.

Unable to, refusing to look weak, you dry the tears beat you can as you answer his initial question. "What do I know about how you feel or why I interfered?" You let out a low and sad chuckle and look up to him. "Because I so desperately have needed to be saved, to be rescued and taken somewhere quiet so I could breathe that I couldn't just leave you like that. I couldn't just ignore the panic you were in." You let out a sigh and hug you knees unable to stable your breathing as much as you'd like.

"Feel free to leave or stay, do what's best for you. I'm just going to be here." You say after one minute stretches out into several. "I'd appreciate if-" Once again the Idia interrupts you, but in a much more surprising and soft way.

He embraces your trembling form, kneeling to be on the floor with you and just embraces you. He mumbled a genuine and quiet apology, stroking the back of your head. His hair provided a soft and safe warmth and glow.

You look up nearly sobbing again, and question him "Idia, will you be the friend I can be myself with? Will you give me the space to be pathetic and cry my anxiety away?" The sobs came out choked and desperate, pleading for him to be your safe space.

"Of course." He replied gently, never breaking the embrace. He gave the bed a dirty look. "First things first, we're getting you a new phone. Immediately." He grumbled unlocking his own to put in a rushed order. "There's no way you're going to be able to play games with me on that thing." He growled clicking his tongue, distaste for the headmaster evident on his face.

You burst into laughter and hugged him back, burying your face against his neck. You ignored his embarrassed noises, he didn't pull away or push you away, so he must be fine with it. "Sounds good to me." You mumble out, feeling a genuine sense of comfort from someone who finally could understand at least some of what you've been feeling for the entirety of your life.

[mynotsohealthyobsession]

Disembodied parte 4/8

Warning: Mention of death // Angst // Fluff

Pairings: Adrian Raines X MC // Nik Ryder X MC

Words: 1.277

As always, tags in the reblog!

Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3

They both stood rooted in place. Neither of them moved or said a word. It seemed like time had stopped and neither of them knew how to reset it. Their eyes studied each other's faces, recognizing themselves. Amy saw the ponytail that Alex had made with her hair, something truly unusual for her. Alex, instead, noticed that Amy had picked her more casual clothes, avoiding anything hunter-related.

After a while, Amy walked inside the penthouse and closed the door behind her, leaning her back against it to keep her distance. She cleared her throat, trying to compose herself. "I don't know if you are who I think you are but–"

"You are Amy." Alex cut her. "The real Amy."

"And you are Alex."

"Yes."

"We need to talk."

"No kidding. Let's start with what's going on and why are you in my body?"

"I don't know." Amy said sorrowfully. "I've been asking myself that for over a week." Alex stood quietly, simply observing Amy and what used to be her body. It was curious but for some reason, she trust Amy. She sighed.

"So I guess you know as much as I do."

"If you know absolutely nothing, then yeah, we are on the same page." Alex chuckled grimly.

"I need a drink." Alex said and Amy observed how her former body moved to the kitchen without her conscience in it. Like she was watching an extremely realistic movie about herself. “Where the hell is the alcohol here?”

"There's a wine cellar under the counter."

"You have been here before?"

"Yeah. Adrian let me stay here for a while last year." Amy looked around nostalgically. "And we celebrated our first victory here."

"I see." Alex returned with two glasses and a bottle of wine, sitting back in front of Amy again. "This has to be the strangest thing I've ever seen in my life." She commented. "And trust me, I've seen a few really weird things."

"Yeah, me too." She took the glass that Alex was passing her taking a big and grateful sip of it, trying to relax her nerves.

"I don't know if you know but I'm a vampire." She thought over her words for a second. "Well, you are a vampire."

"I imagine it." Amy sighed. "After what happened I guess it was the only option."

"Does it bother you?"

"...No. I didn't want to die or leave Adrian and the rest behind." She touched her chest. "There are too many things I want to see and do yet."

"I know the feeling."

“I tried to talk with Adrian about it before everything but it wasn't the right time. The truth is… I wanted to be Turned. Maybe under better circumstances but…” She took a deep breath. "Anyway… Apparently, you have new powers too."

"I do?" Amy put her hand up, the palm facing the ceiling, and concentrated, closing her eyes. After a while, her skin became warmer and Alex gasped. "Oh, I can't wait to test those babies out." She grinned until their reality hit them again. "If we actually manage to get this right."

"We will. We have to."

"What happened to Thomas?"

"Thomas?" Amy paused for a second. "Oh, that white thing." She nodded. "When I woke up, I killed it, with your new powers."

“Finally. That bastard gave us a lot of problems.” Alex left her glass on the table. “Everybody is okay, right?”

"Yes, they are all fine. They were more concerned about you.” She took the bottle, removing the cork again. “Nik came with me, actually."

"Oh."

"You don't sound too happy. Should I tell him to leave?"

"No, it's just… Things are complicated between us right now."

"I see." Amy filled the glasses again. "If it's worth anything, he's been really worried about you." Alex shrugged, looking down at the red wine. "Are you close to him?"

"I thought I was." Her stare became distant like her mind was somewhere else. "But apparently his care has an expiration date." Amy nodded, taking a sip. "How about you and Adrian?"

"We are. I think…" Amy smiled. "...We are kinda dating? Maybe?" She grinned for a moment until her eyes focused on Alex and her smile was gone. She hadn't thought of what had happened here until now. They had kissed? Or maybe more? She couldn't blame him if it was the case, he would have thought it was her, but it would hurt either way.

"I think you should know that nothing happened between us."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I have the feeling that he was wanting to talk about something with me… You… But the second he noticed something was different, he kept his distance." Alex swirled the reminds of wine in her glass, pensive. “I think that, deep down, he knew I wasn’t you.”

“I’m not that surprised, to be honest.” Amy gently chuckled to herself. “Adrian is really perceptive at times.”

“I think he is especially perceptive about you.” Amy drank a sip, covering her smile with the glass.

“Same goes for you and Nik, you know.” Alex bit down her bottom lip, looking a little sad. “And nothing happened between us either. Actually, he gave me a really hard time.”

“He gives everyone a hard time.” Alex stood, getting close to the dark window and looking down to where Adrian and Nik were waiting for them. “He is kind of an ass but his heart is in the right place. Most of the time at least.”

“He also wants to talk with you about something. From the moment I woke up.” Alex nodded absently. “You don’t seem surprised.”

“I’m not. Before Thomas’ attack he…” Alex sighed. “Let’s just say we weren't on the same page.”

“I understand.” Amy also let her gaze wander to wander to the outside world. “Are you ready to go?”

“As ready as I’m going to be.” She took a jacket and they both walked to the hallway, taking the elevator down. Seeingthe woman exit the elevator, the men walked over.

“Everything okay?” Adrian asked.

“Yeah.” Amy smiled at him and Alex cleared her throat.

"I think I should introduce myself. Alex Fontaine. And…" She hesitated before continuing to talk. "...Adrian, I'm sorry that I've lied to you for this past week, I–"

"There's no need for that." His tone was polite and normal, not angered at all. "I understand why you did it."

"Thank you."

"Alex," Nik called her. She didn't say a word, simply watching him with a mix of anger and sadness in her posture.

Amy called Adrian's attention with a discreet squeeze on his upper arm. "Maybe we should give them some privacy." She murmured to him.

"I appreciate it but that's not necessary," Alex said, firmly. "First, I think we should try to figure this out." She narrowed her eyes looking at Nik's eyes directly. "Then we'll see."

"Works for me." Nik agreed. "Ivy is going to join us in a video call. She decided to stay back in NOLA and check some books."

"We can use the conference room for that," Adrian said, guiding the group through the doors to the elevator.

Nik whistled looking around. "Nice setup, man. Are you trying to compensate for something?"

"Nik!" Alex reprimanded him but Adrian just smirked.

"Curious. That was my exact thought about your many weapons." He opened the conference room and gave Nik access to the main computer to call Ivy. Only a minute later, her face popped on the wall screen. After exchanging a few friendly words, she looked straight at the camera.

"I have found a few things about this you all need to hear."

✨️

[egg2k16]

I think the reason why my depression is so bad now is bcus I'm failing my physics 1 w/calc class, and it's hitting me right in the depression bcus I actually do care about this class and do want to pass. If I fail, then I lost money, but more importantly that I'd've shown that I'm not that smart and not special enough to be able to pursue a degree in physics. I think another thing that plays into it is how burnt out I was getting my art degree, n how my uni completely sucked the joy out of drawing, so I'm like? preemptively sucking the fun out of physics? It doesn't help that my teacher doesn't know how to teach the class n heavily relies on us "already knowing the material" (bro you're hired specifically to teach people things). I also told too many people that I'm studying physics, so it's like, well how can the golden child Onion possibly show its face in public again, knowing full well that I failed the first actual physics class? Man I'm so stressed out. My shoulders are killing me, but bcus I've always been an honors student, I've always done everything myself bcus neither parent speaks the language, n it's always been shameful to admit I need help when it comes to school stuff bcus aren't I smart enough to figure it out on my own? I don't actually know how to study aside from rereading my notes. I feel so alone. Can you believe I turned 25 on Sunday? I've never had an actual job in my life. I don't have any real world problems, I'm so lucky and blessed to only worry about studying. I wish I was a better person, though, I wish I could be the actual grateful star student who took advantage of every opportunity given to it. I gave up so easily on art bcus I just didn't find joy in it anymore. I really graduated by the skin off my teeth bcus there was just NO motivation at ALL to put any effort into any of it anymore. I'm the first American relative to go to college and actually graduate. My body hurts so much, but even there I think "I'm too young to be crying in pain like this, I can't possibly ask to shell out money for a massage" cuz even then I'm like, I'll just undo all the stuff the masseuse did in an hour, bcus I have to work at home too. Parents take up too much of my time, I actually wonder how the fuck did I have time to do any of my art work. I have to juggle studying with entertaining my parents, cuz I'm also the only child. Man I'm whining so much for someone who has everything in life. "But I'm not happy!!!" I try to whisper. I have happy moments, but man everything's tinted by how much I wanna kill myself every single day. Sucks to suck, being depressed since I was 13 years old. N I can't even get a diagnosis for anything bcus I live in Florida, n it's currently not safe to be anything other than socially acceptable. I just spent 2 hrs reading fic bcus it's been months since I was able to have time enough to myself to read any fic at all. I haven't drawn anything in months either. This entire post is an embarrassment cuz I'm a dingus

[a-writer-on-elm-street]

Friendship

Pairing: Daryl x Fem!Reader

Request: hi! can you do a platonic Daryl imagine where after they come to Alexandria he meets a teenager who has been alone a long time before finding alexandria and they are still having trouble getting use to being in a community (like Daryl when he first got to alexandria) and the teenager likes to hunt and one day they run into each other while hunting and kinda start to bond over it and become like a parent-child relationship?

Sitting on the steps in front of your house, you carefully ran your fingers up and down the edge of the blade you held in your hands. You weren't what you would call a 'normal' teen. Whilst everyone else within these walls was socialising and attempting to have a normal life, you were sitting alone, examining your weapons. And that wasn't normal, right? But then again, what was normal in a world like this? Before you came to Alexandria, you'd been alone for a long time. Your parents had been torn apart by walkers and by some miracle, you'd managed to get away. Then you spent your days wandering, with no purpose or drive in life. You just drifted. And then he found you, Rick Grimes from Alexandria. You thought you were hallucinating but when he offered you refuge, you thought it'd be stupid not to take it. So you followed him regardless of whether or not he was real. But even after everyone had welcomed you into this little community, you still couldn't quite grasp the concept of actually being a part of one. So you usually just spent your days sitting alone or hunting in the woods. After a moment of thought, you decided to get up and get your crossbow. There was nothing to do here, so you might as well go hunting.

Your heart hammered in your chest as you stood there, completely still. You'd been out hunting in the woods and you heard a rustle in the bushes nearby. But it couldn't have been a walker. Walkers usually wandered around groaning. And there was none of that. The movement sounded precise, steady. What if someone was trying to kill you? Your stomach churned at the thought. A second noise was heard and without thinking, you lifted your weapon up, and pulled the trigger in a panic. The noise of the arrow being released was quickly followed by a pained growl, which was then followed by a series of curses. "Shit." You whispered. You just shot someone.

Running into the bushes, you were surprised by who you saw sitting there. "Daryl?"

"Did you just shoot me?!" He yelled, trying to pull the arrow out of his shoulder. Luckily you'd only gotten his shoulder. It could've been a lot worse.

"I'm so sorry, I-I thought you were....I thought you were someone else."

"So you shot me?!"

"Shh, the walkers'll here." You pleaded.

"I ain't scared of no freakin' walkers!"

"Yeah, well I am so would you just be quiet."

"I think I'm entitled to make as much noise as I want since you shot me in the damn shoulder!" He snarled.

"Yeah well I didn't know it was you."

"What the hell you even doing out here anyway?"

You shrugged. "Hunting."

He tilted his head, squinting up at you. "Ain't you supposed to be back at Alexandria?"

You didn't answer. Instead, you just responded with a small shrug. You couldn't tell him the reason you were out here was because you didn't like it there. You should've been grateful that Rick even took you in.

"You're not used to having people who actually got your back are you?" Daryl suddenly said. "That's why you're out here and not up there."

"I just...don't wanna sound ungrateful."

He chuckled. "Ungrateful? You serious?"

"Well, you all took me in when I had nowhere else to go but I dunno...it's like I just can't...be there. Ya know?"

He nodded, smiling. "Yeah, I know."

"You do?"

He smirked. "Yeah, when I first got to Alexandria I didn't know what to do with myself. All the others were goin' out and doin' stuff and I was just...driftin'."

"You were?"

"Yeah, I had no idea how to function in that place."

"Do you know now?"

"Yeah, of course."

There was a short silence before Daryl finally said something. "So uh, you like to hunt?"

"Yeah. Do...do you?"

He laughed. "Yeah, what'd you think I was doin' out here?"

"I dunno."

"So uh, how long you been huntin'?" He suddenly asked.

"Uh, not long."

A small smile crept onto his face. "Want me to teach you how to actually shoot?"

"Hey, I know how to shoot okay?!"

"So?"

You sighed in defeat, crossing your arms. "Fine, I guess you could teach me a thing or two."

"Great, then let's get to work."

[eijie-cavies]

Wen Kexing, Scorpion King and Gu-Xiang raised together in ghost valley.

This lovely user had produced a VERY interesting Au that I couldn't help myself but make a lil drabble/one shot on it. @naniya27 I hope you like it! I had fun playing around with Xi'er hahahah. (one shot under the cut)

Zhou Zishu didn't know if he should gape in surprise or tilt his head in confusion at the sight of Wen Kexing and a VERY familiar man clad in black conversing by their table. He had only stood up to order himself some more wine and all of the sudden there was an assassin sitting beside Wen Kexing, more so, this assassin wasn't even trying to kill him.

"Where have you been? I've been looking all over for you-" The man whined.

"I told you I will be "around" little brat, didn't A-Xiang inform you of my whereabouts?" Wen Kexing retorted, his carefree smile widened as he tilted his head back to drink his beverage as if this assassin was not in the least bit dangerous.  "Da-ge, you know I would be busy, did you purposely send me away to have your little adventures?" The man pouted, POUTED, as though he was a little brother feigning hurt just to gain favor from his older brother.

'Have I missed something here?' Zhou Zishu internally blanched, approaching their table slowly.

When the man's eyes landed on to him all the traces of playfulness disappeared and a hard mask was set in place. The man straightened in his seat like a proper gentleman with his eyes cold and observant. Zhou Zishu internally shivered, The man looked every bit like he was once did back when he was still serving the prince.

"Ah! A-Xu, come come, you took too long" Wen Kexing whined pettily which gained a slightly shocked but nonetheless passive expression from his companion. "I was gone for 5 minutes Lao Wen-"

"Five minutes too long, a-xu don't deprived me of your beauty" His soulmate winked.

The scandalized look on the scorpion's face ALMOST made Zhou Zishu want to play along with his fan man's antics, but his mind was still too muddled to comprehend just WHY this man was even here.

"Lao Wen, i don't think you need me here if you got a companion?" Zhou Zishu challenged, the man's eyebrows twitched. Either from annoyance or anger he didn't know. "Ah, my bad, A-Xu this is Xie Wang, Xi-er say hello to my beautiful A-Xu" Again, Wen Kexing had that silly sparkling look in his eyes that quiet frankly Zishu decided he would never tire from. "Wen Gongzi, I was not aware you harbored stowaways in your journey" Zishu wanted to snort at that. as if he had not seen the way this "Xi-er" acted while he was not there.

"I know who he is Lao Wen, did not know the Ghost valley is familiar with the Scorpion" Zhou Zishu tilted his head, sitting down across from Wen Kexing. Xi-er looked ready to retort a smartass reply, probably something Wen Kexing had taught himself when the older man beat him to it.

"Ayiah, the ghost valley and Scorpions had always been allies A-Xu, is it not a common knowledge?" he asked.

Zishu only shrugged his shoulder. being an ex-assassin he could always read people based on their body language, and though the man in front of him was of similar occupation, Zishu could not help but chuckle at the way Xi-er's knee slowly moved to touch Wen Kexing's in a protective manner ,or how his jaw flexed slightly indicating that he was grinding his teeth behind his mouth, the piercing eyes never left him for a moment as if anticipating Zishu's attack at anytime. truth be told he looked about ready to drive Zishu away himself.

"Ah that reminds me, I seemed to have forgotten to buy some herbs too take back to the manor, eh A-xu i'll be back in a bit" He smiled warmly before standing up to leave. Zishu knows it's bullshit, Lao Wen would never run off to "buy" something not unless he asked for money first, so Zishu figured that this was his chance to get to know this person, whatever Lao Wen had in mind anyway.

"So...Leader Zhou, we meet again" Xi-'er smiled politely, though the ex assassin knew that that was FAR from a friendly one, more like a challenge. "Yes, after you abducted Chengling" he fired back, smile as taxing. Xie'er ,in a moment of weakness, groaned "Please, don't remind me, i already got an earful from Da'ge about that, I don't want to hear the same from you"

Zishu raised his eyebrow in surprise and confusion, okay so he was not hallucinating then. this scorpion DID call Lao Wen "Da ge"

"Pardon?" said Zishu.

"How was I supposed to know that Zhang boy was your ward and you were with Da ge anyway? he hadn't contacted me ever since he got out of the valley" he pouted...again. "Besides, I already said sorry to him" he reasoned again. Zishu smirked at that "So you said sorry to him and not me or Chengling?"

"Hell no, I don't even know you. and why are you even sticking to Da'ge anyway? this wasn't even in his plan" Xie'er rolled his eyes so far back he was sure it would pop out. The ex- assassin only laughed at that. No, Lao Wen did NOT anticipate their meeting nor did Zishu himself, but he'd be damned if he was the one sticking to Wen Kexing. that fan wielding man was the one who clung to him in the first place.

Just before he could retort Chengling arrived just in time to See Xi-er slightly leaned forward at the table as if he was about to attack Zishu. "Chengling" the swordsman started, but Chengling was fast to run to his side and position himself just behind Zhou Zishu. Xie'er was not pleased. "Little idiot, I thought you went off to buy more supplies for-"

"I was! but Shishu told me to come back here and that he would handle it himself"

'Lao Wen I swear to-'

"Shishu? hah, who are you calling shishu? my Da'ge would never let anyone call him that" Zi'er

"Your Da'ge, definetly did" Zishu almost could not contain his laugh at the scorpion King's scandalized and shocked expression. "This is ridiculous" the scorpion King stood up with al the gracehe could muster in anger "I'm going to find him and set this right" he harrumped, swishing his robes as he disappeared out the tavern.

Chengling, who was still slightly cowering behind him stuttered. "Sh-Shifu, wasn't tha-"

"Yes, don't worry i'll talk to your Shishu about this, come on. Let's go and finish getting those herbs before we go home"

____________________________________________________

"Lao Wen"

"Hmmn?" Wen Kexing hummed, stirring a pot of hot steamed vegetables with chicken soup simmering by the side. "Xie'er was...something" at the mention of his brother Kexing stopped for a second before continuing his minstrations. as if reading Zishu's mind on wanting a clearer explanation, Wen Kexing caved "I found him when I was still in ghost valley. he was one of the children who had been abducted and brought to us" the taller man swallowed hard, clearly struggling, though his face showed little emotion.

"He almost died, luckily I got to him in time and managed to save him, hiding him away was the hardest part. it took a while before he trusted me but once he did I found that I could not turn him away"

Zhou Zishu sighed, with a burst of bravery he walked over to his Zhiji and wrapped his hands around his waist, his head came to rest on Lao Wen's shoulder. "He lived with me for several years,and then Gu-xiang appeared. We barely managed to save her but when Xie'er promised ties with the Scorpion to the former Ghost valley chief he let her go, when I became chief I finally let him go back to his home where he can see his parents again" Wen Kexing stopped, longer this time. His hand shook as he removed the pots from the fire to prevent them from burning, he turned to Zhou Zishu, eyes full of guilt and sorrow.

"But...it was too late, his parents had been killed and with no one to take the title Xi'er had to assume the role and had to band together the scorpions that we know today. He was only 17 that time A-Xu, it took years before he could properly  get a hold of the others and most of the time I wasn't even there to help him. I still had Gu-Xiang to raise and it wasn't time for me to emerge from the valley. He had to come to me multiple times-"

Wen Kexing faltered. Zishu figure that was enough, he didn't think Lao Wen would actually tell him that much. The shorter man steadily turned his soulmate to face him, his eyes soft and understanding as he slowly leaned in, just enough to let Lao Wen back out if he so wanted. but the other man stayed in place. He finally rest his forehead against Lao Wen's. in an instant, his partner loosened up, hand began to encircle around his waist as Zishu moved closer, feeling their noses touch.

"Lao Wen, you did great"

At that high praise and implication, Wen Kexing could not help but to shed tears of relief and gratefulness. Zishu understood, Zishu accepted. and most of all Zhou Zishu stayed.

Bonus: Timeline.

Wen Kexing was around 7 or 8 when he was brought in to Ghost valley. so let's say he was 7.

Xie'er came to ghost valley when he was 8 years old making Wen Kexing 15.

Gu-xiang came to valley when she was 7 making Wen Kexing 18 and Xi'er 11.

Wen Kexing was 20 when he took over, Xie'er now 17 years old and given free reign over the scorpions and Gu xiang 9.

Finally current drama:

Wen Kexing - 28

Xie Wang- 21

Gu-Xiang - 17

(These aren't the real ages btw XD just estmation. i had big brain moment trying to sort out the timeline hahaha)

[amethystpath-writes]

Can Only Move the Eyes

Original Work

Can Only Move the Eyes

@badthingshappenbingo

Small Description: an immortal sorceress is trying to rid herself of immortality by taking the life of the one she loves.

******

You're strong, the lady's voice said, but not strong enough to counter my powers.

If Tysin could growl, he would have, but he couldn't move. Even his breaths were controlled by the sorceress at his side.

Have you had training? Defense against magic? the sorceress, named Giladiasana- Sana, for short- asked Tysin in his head. He could answer if he wanted, think a response loudly enough that she would hear, but he didn't care to talk to a woman who was about to bleed him dry.

Sana pushed a hard barrier on his mind, causing a sharp sting, one that would have made Tysin take a sharp intake of breath and even hold his head, but all he could do was squeeze his eyes shut. That was meant to happen differently, she whispered in his head.

When Tysin opened his eyes again, he glanced around, head unmoving, but eyes darting about. There was glass everywhere. Mostly bottles full of discoloured liquids. Other pieces of glass- colourful ones- dangled about on strings. Tysin assumed it was sea glass. The sorceress's hut was an alcove by the beach so it made sense.

You're ignoring me. Very nice. Sana purred in his mind and it felt to Tysin like it wrapped around his brain. He felt dizzy despite being entirely still.

Why shouldn't I? he finally replied. You pretended to be a friend and now I'm paralyzed. He laughed mentally and added, But let me guess. I should be grateful that I can move my eyes, right?

The sorceress crossed the room. She left Tysin's field of vision as he was laid down. Still, she reached out to his mind. How powerful was she? Depends, Sana sighed. Would you feel better if I kept your eyes closed while I did this?

In truth, he wasn't sure if not seeing was better or worse. Sure the sorceress' home was somewhat fascinating to look at- even if his vision was limited- but wouldn't it be a taunt when she finally dragged a blade across his arm and he began bleeding out? He'd rather see the sky while he died than a bunch of dried roots, twigs, and strange shapes made of clay.

Why are you doing this? Why me?

Which should I answer first?

Sana entered Tysin's sight again. If he could have, he would have lunged at her from his table. Just answer.

You're angry, she observed first. You don't have to be. I don't intend on killing you. I like you.

Tysin would have scoffed at this, except he couldn't imagine scoffing without his chest huffing, and his chest couldn't move. It was like his mind forgot what scoffing was without actually having the action. Whereas laughing was mostly a sound, scoffing required an attached feeling. He didn't have that feeling. It was odd. He blamed Sana.

As for why you...well it's what I just said. I like you, and I don't want to get rid of you. If you had been someone else, I might have killed you to complete my goal. But... Tysin rolled his eyes. The sorceress needed to stop pretending she had any amount of feeling for him. She was cleaning a damn blade so that she could cut him open. She didn't like him. She was keeping him, like a pet. You knew I was different from the moment you met me. You're observant like that. You knew there was something dangerous about me, but you still befriended me.

And this is how you repay me. Again, he wanted to scoff, but the concept was absent. Will it hurt? he asked instead. When I bleed out, will it hurt?

The cut would hurt, but I'll make sure you don't feel it, she said. Tysin was pissed hearing the genuineness in her voice. He refused to believe she felt any remorse for this. And anyway, I'm not bleeding you out, not fully. I'll have to do this a few times. The worst to happen is you'll feel faint and get a few headaches, but I have herbs to help with the latter.

Tysin didn't reply. He was confused- and angry, but mostly confused. Because she did sound sincere. She did sound like she cared, and like she didn't want to hurt him. But if she didn't want to...then why was she? What do you need me for? Why my blood? What are you using it for? He wanted to ask again, why him? Why not some other man or woman she'd met? Why did it have to be someone she apparently cared about? There were too many questions, and it seemed like there weren't enough answers. What she was doing was heathenish and no explanation could be enough.

I'm selfish, Sana told him. There was a long pause and Tysin's chest rose suddenly as the sorceress' did, too. She must have accidentally projected her own actions onto him. His eyes went wide at the swell of feeling. At the same time his chest had rose, he felt something ripping in his arm.

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean-

The pain in his arm increased and he screamed, his arm jerking to his chest. The skin on his chest felt warm, and he discovered he had mobility in his neck again as he looked down. Sana's control over him had slipped and he felt the pain she caused. She'd stuck the knife in his arm and it was bleeding now, bleeding through his shirt and settling on his skin.

"Tysin, I didn't- I'm sorry. I meant to numb you, but I- What am I doing?" sana sounded angry with the last question.

She rushingly put a hand on Tysin's shoulder, and he fell still again. His arm stung as it slammed against the table. He would have grunted but Sana had control again. His eyes were stuck in a pained squint. They burned as he couldn't blink.

"I've never-" Sana paced beside the table. Tysin didn't see the knife anymore. Had she dropped it. "I don't want to do this," she stressed. "But it's all I want, too." Was she sniffling? "You can still feel. Shit."

In the next moment, the pain in Tysin's arm was gone, and so was the warmth of his own blood on his chest when he cradled his arm. His eyes could move again, too, and he found himself actually be grateful that she'd decided to let them move unlike the rest of his body.

"You know what, I'm just going to say it." Sana took a deep breath. "There's a lot to it, but I'll simplify it as much as I can." Another breath. "I'm not just a sorceress, or a witch, or whatever you want to call me. Before that, I was- you'll never believe me..." Sana sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. "I'm a god. Or was. I was a god before I was made a sorceress on this Earth. And I'm immortal. I know it sounds crazy; I'm not even sure that you believe in the gods, but they do exist. The gods are real and they're the reason that I'm here as I am.

"I wanted to be mortal. I didn't want to be a god anymore, and they called me cowardice for wanting to abandon my powers and control. But I...life isn't worth living if you can't die. Why should I like to create if what I create has an expiration date and I don't? I want to die, Tysin. I don't want to live forever."

What does this-

You can talk. Sana nodded at him.

Tysin let his lips part before licking them. He tested his jaws, opening and closing his mouth and letting his teeth clack together. He ran his tongue along the backs of his teeth and along the skin of his cheek.

Finally, he spoke, "What does any of that have to do with me?" he asked. He didn't say whether or not he believed her outlandish story.

She swallowed. "They punished me," she explained. "They put me on a land of mortals and made me into another immortal, a one-of-a-kind. They made me into a target on this land. Witches were a scary tale created by mortals and the gods made it real, made me into that fictional form. I still want to die, so they surrounded me with death, and made it so that I can still never die."

Tysin gave a blank look. This still had nothing to do with him. She was avoiding the answer.

Sana caught onto his impatience and nodded, getting on with it all. "They have given me a choice. I still value the mortals as my creation. They are precious to me. So..." She sighed like she had done so often today. "I can obtain a mortal life for myself, but only if I kill a mortal I love." Sana walked closer to the table so that she could look Tysin in the eyes. "And I love you, but...I can't kill you. I won't." Her brows pinched together. "But I have to." Sana shook her head.

"You asked if it would hurt and before you asked that, I was still considering following through. I'm selfish, I'll say it again. But when you asked me that...I couldn't let you die. So what I want to do now is..." She grunted in aggravation. "There's so much playing into this. Okay, there are about 5.7 liters of blood in a human's body. And since blood is what allows for life, I must take yours for myself- drink it. What I want to do now, because I won't kill you, is I'll take 5.7 liters of your blood, but over a course of time. I'll take some today, let you recover. Take more another day, recover. And I'll keep doing that until I have enough to equate to one life."

Sana smiled, for the first time today. "Then we can both be mortal and I can love you until we both die. I won't have to be afraid of the person I love dying and therefore having to live on my own without them."

Tysin was almost in shock at the overload. "That...wasn't very simplified."

She gave a huff of a laugh, eyes bright.

"Let me get this straight. You want to take my life so that you can experience death?"

"In a way. I'm not actually taking your life because I won't be killing you, but yes. I am taking your blood so that we can be together."

What makes you think I want to be with you? Who was she to believe he would just be okay with her taking his blood? Sana was out of her mind! Sure she was a sorceress; he believed that in full. But an immortal god? One that needed his blood to overcome a neverending life? No. No, she was crazy.

But, he supposed, this is more up to my own selflessness now.

Sana could find another person to love. Love was limitless and could be presented in many forms. There's motherly love and platonic love. Romantic and admiration. Sana could make a new friend and do this to them instead of Tysin, but it didn't seem okay to do that. This was now a test of Tysin's morals, not the sorceress'. Could he be as selfish as her? Put someone else's life at risk or have them bled out day by day like Sana was proposing she do to him? No. Absolutely not.

"It's okay," Tysin said to the sorceress leaning over him. It wasn't okay. Not at all, but he wouldn't risk someone else's life for his own. Wouldn't make someone else go through being cut open ever day or week or however often it might happen to him. Tysin considered asking Sana to go ahead and kill him, but he knew she wouldn't do that. She loved him so much that she lost control even when she'd first hurt him with the knife. "Do what you must."

******

[floxalopex]

I didn't want to say it. But since today it's "the day against food waste". Anyways, maybe it's something made up only by my trauma. After all I told you, I'm a mess.

Let's be as quick as possible.

Spop, to me, likes to introduce as many themes as possible, as many sexual orientations as possible, as many body types as possible...but fails to "deal with them".

About body spectrum.

Premise: I have the body type of "if Glimmer and Entrapta had a child". I went through obesity (not overweight, OBESITY, like 110+ kg) during my childhood, maybe as a coping mechanism I don't know, nor I want to remember. I "solved" the problem when I was 13.

I went through anorexia. Sadly Tumblr is disgustingly filled with advices about fasting, skipping meals, detox and other crap.

One more thing: the ignorant society we live in thinks that "anorexia=fragile little girl who takes classical dance lessons and smokes and is a walking skeleton". It's. Not. That. Simple.

If I saw a male adult man losing 50 kg in 2 months I would easily suspect anorexia.

When I realized I had a problem, that I didn't have my period for months, that I was losing hair and eyesight, that my skin was getting ill, that I was fainting everywhere, that I was suffering signs of dehydratation, that my nails were broken due to malnutrition and that I was losing every curve of my body and I searched for help...they didn't believe me. "Yh but you are still a bit stocky, actually you should lose a bit more" "stop complaining, you should try harder" "you skipped every dinner for three months? You didn't eat anything in four days? Pfff, I did worse" "you are too curvy to be anorexic, you are bulimic at best. What, you don't induce yourself vomit? Well... You are still not looking like an anorexic that's all".

People didn't listen, sadly my family was even complimenting me. I felt trapped. At a certain point I even felt they were right.

I was stocky yes, but I now realize it was because I have a strong built thorax and hips, my shoulders are just strong because I did a lot of swimming in the past. It's not fat. It's my body.

Anyways my parents eventually understood I had a real problem when I fainted once in the middle of the road during Summer. So they forced me to eat again. I did. I do.

But, even if 6 years passed, I have still troubles. I need to set alarms to remember to eat. I have to force myself sometimes. It's nearly impossible for me to eat when I'm in front of others. I feel judged. I know it's just in my head, but still.

About Spop: so, it's Glimmer and Spinnerella. You know what I find amazing? When I see curvy women eating. I don't like to promote obesity, but you know what I mean. It's nice to see a person eating, regardeless of the body type, seeing a person have a strong body. I don't know how to describe it, it's just me maybe. I just, mmm would like to be like them again. To enjoy eating.

I would have liked to see Glimmer and Spinnerella eat ...more.

Glimmer gave her food to Adora once, Castaspella asked her if her mother was giving her enough food (that sentence, with the implication of a severe diet put on Glimmer give me goosebumps). But the way she almost never ate on Horde Prime ship. That's so horrible. Throwing food, I hate myself for having done that. I wish to go back sometimes to shake myself. Food is not an enemy, it's a gift. People would kill to have food everyday. I know that now.

For Spinnerella well, Netossa said she was only offered vegetable snacks by her wife during a game night or something.

I have this impression: you are fat? You must only eat healty.

I'm vegetarian (for my own silly reasons), my diet is almost only plant based. I don't like tempeh, expensive unhealty meat surrogates, I genuinly like vegetables and beans. I'm a bit chubbier than when I was anorexic (thankfully) but when it's Saturday night I eat pizza. Or fries. During a "gaming night", so like a funny occasion, you should indulge in more junky food. It's okay to eat it sometimes, it's food anyways (I don't even like the "junk" term put on it).

Fat people are fat for a lot of reasons.

Hormonal problems, sickness, depression, or the heck, maybe because they like to eat. You should never judge them, nor try to correct them. It's their life, their decision, not yours. A fat person isn't "a bit more acceptable" if they only eat healty food. A fat person is a person. And every person has their comfort food.

I don't have a model body, I'm like a short stocky thingy, and I hate when people say "have you ever done a diet in your life?" "You could be stunning if only you lose a bit of weight on your hips". Like you don't know me and you have no idea of what I went through. And again, lose weight? That's an obsolete definition for dieting, I can "lose weight" even by cutting my arm.

I don't know guys, I would have liked Glimmer and Spinnerella to...eat more. Maybe.

Maybe it's just me being selfish and wanting to see a person with a certain body type acting like a "normal" person. And eat. I don't know.

I wish I didn't offend anyone, I just want to know your opinions about it.

Honorable mentions: I wish with all my heart for Hordak to eat more. Yes, I know that there might be another explanation for that, but I felt touched when he didn't eat his soup. I know it was disgusting (my baby Entrapta is a princess, I bet she never cooked before). But still. You know.

Oh and thanks to the Entrapdak fic writers who address this issue. Trust me, it's very important.

Oh by the way, have this drawing by Botticelli called "Allegoria dell'Abbondanza" to celebrate this day.

Remember: be always grateful for your food.

[fvrxdrm]

Why (Songfic)

Leon Kennedy x Reader

Warning: none

Song: Why by Sabrina Carpenter

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

You like New York City in the day time

I like New York City in the night time

You didn't know why he despised the city when the skies begin to darken and the sun wasn't out. You figured it was because he was afraid of the dark? Maybe he had nightmares when he was a kid and they just stuck with him while he was growing up? You didn't know.

While he hated the city during the night, you loved it very much. You loved how the stars would just twinkle and their brightness would contrast to the deep-colored skies as well as the city lights that would really captivate you when you look out the window. 

Now to him, he knew you would never understand why he hated it during the night. Not just New York though, everywhere he goes he's hated the darkest times. It was night time when the unexpected nightmare happened back in Raccoon City and most of his past missions happened during the night. The only time he's had a mission with the sun still up was in the Eastern Slav Republic and a little bit of New York. Though, when the New York incident happened the horrors really began at night and it gave him more reasons to hate the darkness.

You said you like sleeping with the air off

I don't, I need it on

There was this one time when you felt like it was too hot and was about to lower the air conditioner's temperature more but Leon told you not to because he felt cold already. You were puzzled because the temperature was literally at 25 degree Celsius AND he was huddled up in his thick blanket even though you were slightly sweating and no blanket was covering you. You weren't even wearing a pair of long pajamas and long-sleeved shirt when you went to bed that night. He was a really different story.

Leon didn't want to admit that the reason he didn't really like the cold is because most of the time his surroundings was chilly it was when another bioterrorism attack happens. From the cold waters he manages to end up to to the cold night air that would always send chills down his spine. That's why he always wears a jacket whenever he's on a mission.

You like the light coming through the windows

I sleep late, so I just keep 'em all closed

Like I said, he hates the darkness and the light coming through the windows was one of the things that would keep him sane whenever he falls asleep besides you. Though, he just rings up the curtains and never opens the windows because like I said, he doesn't like the cold. The light makes him feel safe for some reason.

You though, liked to keep the windows closed because it made you feel more peaceful. Like nothing could interrupt your late slumber. But when you began dating Leon and found out how he likes them open because it makes him feel safe, you didn't mind it that much and have gotten used to it over the years. You just wanted Leon to be safe. Safe from whatever horrors have been going through his head.

You ignore the music on the radio

I don't, I sing-along

You see, Leon was a loner after Raccoon City and before he met you. He never really experienced fun and was mostly silent. He's mouth only ran when he has a plan or when he has a snarky remark planted on his head, ready to be used.

Whenever music would play in the car he would ignore it even if it was one of the favorite songs he used to love during his youth years. The music at the bars he go to? Bleh. He doesn't even pay attention to them. His mind would always block off the world around him.

So when he met you and noticed how you would sing-along to every music that played on the radio out loud, he paid attention to you and only you because he found it cute how your body would move dramatically as if you were in a concert and you're the singer. He still wouldn't sing-along but he would watch you with loving eyes.

"Here", Leon gave you a handgun and a knife to defend yourself with. Your eyes widened. You know how to use a knife. It's easy. Just stick the whole blade in and you're done. But a gun? That's a whole different story.

"Leon, I-I don't know how to use a gun", your gaze slowly shifted from the weapons in your boyfriend's hands to the ocean-eyed man's face in front of you.

"That's why I'll teach you how to. Here", Leon made sure that no undead would come and get you before he turned you around so your back was facing him and held both of your hands with the handgun he gave you tight in your grasp. He taught you how to aim, shoot, and reload correctly and you nailed it quickly in a matter of minutes. 

Now, you were sitting on a dusty and abandoned couch to catch your breaths. You had so many questions running through your head.

Was this real?

Was this some sick joke?

Was this just a random nightmare you were having?

God, you wished it was. You really did. You wished you would just wake up in your bed, cozily snuggled against Leon.

"So, you know how I hate the dark, right?" Leon broke the silence that was surrounding you both.

"Yeah"

"You know how I hate the cold?"

"Yeah"

"You know how I was a loner before I met you?"

"Yeah", you were now starting get puzzled as to why he was mentioning the things he doesn't like while you were in a situation like this.

"This is why"

What?

This confused you.

This is the reason why? What? Huh?

As if he could read your mind he spoke out his answer with trauma hidden in his voice.

"This is my job. To kill the undead. Heh. I know it sounds crazy but it isn't, really. I got used to it", he took a long pause before he continued to speak the truth about his hatefulness towards certain things.

"I was one of Raccoon City's survivors. It was my first day as a police officer and...this is exactly what happened", Leon raised his arms up to emphasize what he meant by 'this is exactly what happened'.

Raccoon City. You've heard about it before but all you knew was that the government wiped the city out but never knew why.

"A virus made by a pharmaceutical company broke out. It infected the whole city's people and only four of us survived"

You were speechless. You didn't know what to say. You wanna tell Leon that everything's gonna be okay but that's really ironic considering your situation right now and your mind just seemed to scramble things around.

"Before I met you I drowned myself in alcohol. Didn't really care if I was slowly killing myself", he spoke again while he kept his head high towards the ceiling.

"You're different. You're peaceful. I'm not. You're always this bright sunshine while I'm this gloomy ass moon, dependent on the light you give", he chuckled in his throat and turned towards your direction before speaking again.

He was very grateful that you were patient with him. He really was. Words can't express how grateful he was to have you.

"I'm...sorry if I'm not the ideal guy you want", your eyes widened in shock at the words that left his mouth.

"What?"

"I'm not like you. We mostly don't have similarities", before he could speak again you cut him off by letting your heart out too.

"Leon, if I didn't want you do you think I would've said yes when you asked me to be yours?" Leon went silent and gestured you to continue what you were saying. You held his hand as gentle as possible while your e/c eyes continued to stare at his blue ones before speaking again.

"I don't care if we're not alike. I love you because of who you are. You care for me as much as I care for you and that's enough. As long as I feel safe with you and you feel safe with me then I'm fine. Do you feel safe with me?" Leon nodded his head while muttering a 'yes'.

"Then I'm perfectly okay with it", you placed a quick peck on his slightly chapped lips that you love before pulling him tightly in your arms.

"You know Romeo and Juliet, right?" You questioned the man that had his nose nuzzled against your neck. It was sticky and sweaty due to the amount of running you did but he could care less. All that's important to him is that you're here with him.

"Mhm. The star-crossed lovers", Leon voice became muffled against your skin but you heard it clearly.

"This may sound cheesy but that's what we are. Two completely different people who fell in love with each other" you smiled softly before placing a gentle kiss on top of his head.

It was silent for a moment until Leon's low chuckle broke the silence again.

"This is really working, huh?" He spoke.

"Yeah"

I don't ask for you to change, baby no no no

And you don't ask for me to change

Tell me how we're not alike

But we work so well and we don't even know why

Funny how the stars crossed right

'Cause we work so well and we don't even know why

You can call it fire and ice

But we work so well and we don't even know why

We don't even know why, no no

We don't even know why, no no no

"And sometimes...we don't even know why", Leon spoke before he laid the both of you down on the couch and pulled you closer, making sure that you were safe and sound before drifting off to dreamland with you.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I'm sorry. This was kind of rushed and I used my phone to write this and it's a struggle. LOL.

Anyways, Reunited still has one last part. It's smutty. It's still in the writing. I was in the middle of writing it and I got lazy for some reason. LMAO.

[possiamo-andare]

No More Divisions - Chapter Ten: The End ... Or Is It?

JJ x Original Character

MASTERLIST

hey guys! So, I'm thinking this is the last chapter. this last chapter is dedicated to @teamnick who was the first person to give me feedback and a true friend through everything. ilysm. I just wanna say thank you so much to everyone who has liked, commented, reblogged, etc. You are the reason I continue to write. To say I am extremely grateful for everything, is an understatement. Love you all <3

~

My parents never got a chance to talk to me. Shoupe said we were still suspects so they were brought to the first tent as we all waited in he second tent.

Did I ever mention I hated Shoupe?

I don't know how long we had to wait there, in the second tent. It could've been 2 hours or 2 minutes, I wouldn't have known the difference. I just sat there, my head against JJ's shoulder, and waited for Shoupe to come back tell us any news of what's happened with John B. or Sarah.

My head was spinning as I replayed the last 24 hours in my head. Only 24 hours ago, I had just met JJ and I still had no idea of who he was. I wasn't this close with Kiara or Pope. 24 hours ago, I was a naive Kook. Now, I'm so much more than that. I can't begin to describe what these people have taught me in the last 24 hours. I'm closer to these people than my parents. I can't see myself ever parting from them. They're my family.

And then there was JJ.

I never thought, never believed, he would have such an impact on my life. Then again, I was just a naive Kook 24 hours ago. Now, the things I had experienced with him has tied us together in a way that can't be undone.

JJ grabs my hand as we continue to sit and wait. "What're you thinking about?"

"About everything's that's happened. What about you?" I answer, taking my cheek off his shoulder and looking him in he eye.

He shrugs. "How I need some weed."

I laugh, catching Kiara and Pope's attention. Kiara looks to me, definitely overhearing what JJ said and starts laughing too. Pope joins in and starts laughing at Kiara's snorts. JJ is looking at us as if we're insane, but he had that signature smirk. I knew he thought we were hilarious. Soon, we were all laughing hysterically. I think it was all of the adrenaline and shock. We all couldn't believe the situation we were in and the more we all looked at each other, the more we laughed. It was contagious. This is what family is. This is what has been missing.

Even as Shoupe entered the tent, we continued to laugh. He tried to get our attention but it was no use. Finally, he screamed. "Hey!" We all stopped, smiles on our face, and looked to him. "Are you all high or something?"

This just made us burst out laughing again, this time JJ was laughing the hardest. Shoupe rolled his eyes, barely able to stand us now. He ordered the officers to bring us back to the first tent for some news he had to tell us.

Even as we were brought back to tent one, we were still giggling. Granted, we weren't in full blown laughter, but we still had huge smiles on our faces.

Then, something made it stop. I was the first to stop. I saw my parents, hugging eachother. My mom was crying into my dad's chest. This was so out of character that I had to stop laughing. Something must be wrong. My parents hadn't touched each other in years and now my mom was hugging my dad.

Soon after I stopped, JJ did as well. He had turned to me and saw the colour leave my face.

He approached me, concerned now. "Callie?"

I gulped. Kiara and Pope had their eyes on me too, not laughing either. I look to JJ, tears in my eyes. I knew something bad had happened. I didn't say anything though. I didn't want it to be true.

JJ grabbed my hand and looked to Kiara and Pope, who were already questioning Shoupe.

"What's going on?" Pope yelled, getting in Shoupe's face. Kiara was trying to hold him back.

"Tell us now!" Kiara yelled, louder than Pope.

Shoupe frowned, looking to the ground. He didn't have to say it; I knew. I let out a sob and JJ held me closer. I couldn't hold my weight anymore. JJ was the only person holding me up. And I could see him starting to cry too. He and I knew already bt Kiara and Pope didn't want to except it.

Shoupe finally spoke. "They're gone."

Kiara scoffed. "What do you mean?"

Pope interjected. "Like you lost them? They got away?"

Shoupe shook his head. He seemed choked up, which is weird. He never seemed to like John B., and now that they were gone he was all of a sudden upset. "They wouldn't have made it through the storm."

JJ let go of me. I sank to my knees. Kiara and Pope hugged each other as they cried. As we all reacted by crying, JJ didn't.

He lunged forward at Shoupe. "This is your fault! You fucking killed them!" Pope held JJ back as he clawed his arms at Shoupe. Surprisingly, Shoupe did nothing. Maybe it was because he knew all that JJ was going through and didn't want to add the that.

All I could do was cry. Not Sarah. Not John B. They couldn't die. Sarah, my best friend. My mind went through all of the memories we shared during our relationship and I cried harder. First day of middle school, making forts in her living room, riding our bikes together, having our first drinks at a party together. All these memories. I couldn't lose her. She was my sister. All I had. I could care less about Ward and Rafe right now. I needed Sarah.

They can't be real. I wouldn't let myself believe that this was real. There must be something Shoupe can do. He can't give up. He's stubborn. A little storm wouldn't deter him.

I walked to Shoupe, meeting his softened gaze. He seemed really affected what the news he just told us. "Can't you send out a search team?"

Shoupe frowned and looked to the ground. "No."

I scoffed, tears still rolling down my face. "Look at me."

Shoupe looked up, tears in his eyes. "No. I'm sorry Callie."

I turned red. I got all of my feelings, all of the hatred and sadness, and I spit at his feet. Officers instantly held me away from him. I kicked my legs, hoping to reach him but I was too far away. Shoupe tried to brush it off and say it's ok but they were already dragging me off, out of the tent.

I was scream crying.

Not Sarah.

I was yelling for JJ. He yelled back, following me and yelling at the officers. He the made the mistake of trying to grab ahold of one of them and he was instantly overpowered by an officer. JJ put up a fight though. At first he resisted but the farther he saw me being dragged away from him, the weaker he got until he finally gave up.

Not John B.

I could tell they were gonna bring me back to the second tent to calm down. I didn't want that. I'd been in and out of the tent several times now and I was tired. I was tired and being dragged around. I was tired of being manhandled by cops. I was tired of being made out to be a villain. I was tired and being told to calm down. And I was tired of living in a worl without Sarah. She had only be gone from my life for seconds, but I wanted to go back.

As I'm being dragged and as I fight back, I remember a moment from my childhood. Sarah and I had only been friends for about a year but she had twisted a boys arm for pushing me over. I remember her getting in trouble, but that's not why I remember the memory. I remember getting so anxious for Sarah when she had to go to the principals office and all she said was that nothing bad could ever happen to good people.

I wish that was true.

I wish that Sarah and John B. were here with us. Everything made sense when they were around.

When the officers tried to push me into the second tent to calm down I yelled again. "No! I wanna watch the sun come up!" I always felt close to heaven when I watched the sun come up. I needed to be close to Sarah.

It was still raining outside and my persistent nature made me get more wet by the second. The officers, who had to continue to drag me in and out, were very tired and I could tell that they were on their last straw. They both looked at each other, shrugged, and then nodded.

This time, I was not dragged and instead walked willingly back into the first tent.

I instantly searched for JJ. He was sitting on a bench, face in his hands. I could tell he was weeping.

I tried to make my way to him but I was stopped by my parents. They had ambushed me as I walked and smothered me with hugs. Although I appreciated, after a few minutes I pushed them off, saying I needed to be alone. The truth was I wanted to make sure my friends were alright.

Finally, when I pulled away, I tried looking for my friends again. But JJ wasn't where I last saw him. I panicked a little. I couldn't lose more friends. I scanned the tent, hoping to God they were still here and I hadn't lost them forever.

Finally, I saw them. Kiara was greeting her parents with a big hug and Pope was with his dad. They were hugging and crying. I tried to find JJ. I didn't have to look far because he soon made his way behind Pope. Mr. Heyward opened his eyes to see JJ and then motioned to him to come. JJ instantly moved towards Mr. Heyward, his arms open.

I smiled. Even though that wasn't his real father, I'm sure Mr. Heyward saw JJ as another son.

I looked back to my parents, who were still crying from the news. I knew I had to be with them now. So, I did. I went back to them and opened my arms, ready for a hug. They instantly wrapped their bodies around me. I was coddled. For the first time in God knows how long, I wasn't worried about my parents divorce or John B.'s innocence, I just wanted to stay here. Wrapped up in my parents warm embrace.

~

It's quiet here. The sun is rising and all I hear is the crashing of the waves. I close my eyes and think of Sarah and John B.

It's been 5 hours since I found out. The sun is rising and tonight it will be the first time the sun will set without Sarah and John B. I honestly don't know how I'm awake right now. I've been sitting on the dock near the tents for 5 hours since the rain let up, watching the sun come up in a world without John B. and Sarah, and I'm asking myself how I'm doing it.

I think it's easier when you don't have to stand on your two legs. I don't think I would've made it this long if I was standing. No one has come to bother me yet. JJ tried to approach me once, hours ago, but he never made it to the dock. He just stood a few feet behind me, watching me. I knew he was trying to make sure I was alright but didn't want to intrude.

My parents went home to grab some clean clothes for me and told me once they'd come back, I was coming home. I had to say goodbye soon.

I didn't want that. If I said goodbye, who knows when I'd see them again.

I heard footsteps behind me. My eyes fly open and I turn my head. It's Pope.

I try to smile but I only make myself start tearing up again. I can see the tears in his eyes too. He's walking towards me, his feet already on the dock.

"Hey." He whispers, his voice scratchy from all the yelling.

I nod at him, not being able to speak. J don't wanna speak in a world where my best friend is not in. It's not fair.

"I wanted to check up on you." He says, sitting down on the dock beside me.

I shrug. I can't speak. I can't say I'm okay and I can't say I'm terrible. Anything would be a lie. I try to speak once out of respect. "Hi." My voice is low and hushed and my vocal chords hurt from all of the yelling.

Pope looks away from me and watches the sun rise. "It's beautiful."

You look back to the sun. "It is."

Pope chuckles, looking like he remembers a fond memory. "I remember this time where I was watching the sun rise with John B. I was nervous for my scholarship and he told me something very profound for a reckless teenager. He said, nothing ever golden lasts. Just like the sun, it will set and the moon will come. Your feelings, they will pass and instead of the bad memories, all you will think about is the good ones. I miss them so much already, but this terrible feeling in your chest will fade. It will never be gone, but it will fade."

Tears slide down my face as Pope speaks. I look to him as he talks and he catches my gaze. This time I smile for real. "Thanks Pope."

Pope pats my back. "As for JJ," he says, looking back at the sun, smirking. "When something terrible happens to him, he distances himself from the people who care about him. We all deal with things differently."

I nod. Pope's right. "Never knew you were a relationship guru." I joke, playfully shoving his shoulder.

Pope smiless and gets up from the dock. He looks down at me and extends his hand. "Never thought a Kook would be my friend but here we are."

I smiled and grabbed onto his hand, letting him pull me up. Once I was on my feet, I opened my arms and gave Pope a hug. We stood there for a moment, just hugging and finally when we pulled away, I speak.

"Thanks so much. I don't know what I'd do without you."

Pope lets go of me and shrugs. "That's what friends are for."

And with that, he's gone. I watch him walk off the dock as I stand there, my legs terribly weak from sitting down for 5 hours. As I watch him go to Kiara and her parents and start speaking to them, something else catches my eyes. At first, since I see it in the corner if my eye, I think it's just a figment of my imagination but then, I turn my head and I see JJ walking towards me. He just exited the first tent and he's looking at me as he walks. I can't make out his expression, even as he comes closer to me. He has his hands in his pockets and he doesn't show any emotion. Finally, when he gets on the dock and closer to me, I see his red eyes. They're basically bloodshot which is probably what my eyes look like. I want to reach out and hug him and tell him he'll be alright but I don't want to scare him off. Pope was right; when JJ is ready, he will come to you.

When he finally is in front of me, he speaks. "Hey." His voice is low and raspy. I can't tell if he's trying to hold back tears or if his voice hurts, or both.

I nod. "Hi."

"I just saw your parents. They brought some new clothes and your phone." JJ says, looking down at his feet and pulling his hands out of his pockets.

I nod again. God, I wish I could say something to help him. "I should go then."

JJ nods. "Yeah..."

I awkwardly nod back and then proceed to turn around and walk away from him. I only get two steps away fro m him until I turn around and speak. "Do you wanna talk?"

JJ was looking at the sea, but as soon as I speak, he looks at me. I can see the tears in his eyes. "I don't think I can."

I nod, taking a step towards JJ and grabbing his hand. "I'm here for you. So is Kiara and Pope. Don't push your family away."

As I say this, tears are sliding not only down my face but JJ's. He doesn't say a word but he embraces me, hugging me tighter than before. We just stand there for god knows how long, hugging eachother and crying into each others shoulders. We don't say anything for a long time. There's nothing to say to make us feel better. Soon, JJ lets me go and brings his hands up to my cheeks. I smile through my tears and try to wipe them away. He's smiling back and crying too. Then, catching me off guard for a moment, he leans down and kisses me on the lips. It's only for a moment and I don't have time to kiss him back.

When he pulls away, he says, "I don't know where I'd be without you."

I smile again, my cheeks hurting. "Probably arrested."

JJ chuckles. "And what would you know about jail, Kook?"

I don't say anything but I stand on my tiptoes and kiss him back, savoring the moment his lips meet mine. "I love you."

JJ's breath hitches in his throat and I can hear him audibly gasp. My eyes fly open. I didn't mean to say it. It was almost as if my lips had a mind of their own. We're not even technically together and I've known him only for not even two days. How can I love him? I don't know but I do.

"Callie..."He whispers, grabbing ahold of both my hands.

I instantly tear the away, embarrassed by what I've said. I've chased him away now. JJ is definitely not the type of person the say that stuff, especially to a girl he's just met. I feel like an idiot. I've ruined something that could've been good.

"JJ, I'm so sorry," I begin to apologize, "I'm such an idiot -"

"Callie..."

"And sometimes I say things without thinking -"

"Callie!" JJ yells, for the second time trying to get my attention.

I instantly stop to hear what he has to say. I brace myself for what could possibly be the most embarrassing thing to ever happen to me.

Finally, when he sees he's got my attention, he speaks, "I love you too."

I instantly smile, this time tears brimming in my eyes. I wrap my arms around his neck and hug him close. He instantly does the same and we're back to hugging each other tightly.

"Callie?" I hear my mother's voice from behind me and I turn around. Her and my father are standing right before the deck, watching their daughter hug a boy they've never met.

Once I see them, I let go of JJ and meet his gaze. He's back to acting pompous, his only defense mechanism when he meets people he doesn't know.

"I'm gonna go into the second tent. Kiara and Pope are there. I'm gonna sleep over at Pope's." He squeezes my hand one last time before walking by my parents and leaving me with them. I stay silent until I watch him enter the second tent.

Then I look to my parents. In my mother's hand, there are a new pair of black jean shorts and this time, an orange tank top. I look down at my dirty and still damp clothes and remember these are Sarah's clothes. I want to hang onto them for a little while longer. If I get rid of these clothes, it's as if I'm getting rid of the memories of her. My dad is beside my mom but there is a few inches between them, telling me they're back to their old shen again. I wonder why they haven't gotten a divorce yet. Love should be simple. It should he easy. My parents marriage was never easier.

Finally, I approach my parents and give them a quick hug before taking the clothes from my mom's arms. We don't say much, just stand there awkwardly.

Finally, my dad speaks, "So, who's that boy?"

I try not to smirk thinking about JJ. "I think he's my boyfriend."

My mom scoffs. "You think? Isn't he a Maybank? You really think -"

"I think," I sigh, cutting my mom off. "That I just lost my two friends and I dont wanna talk about it."

I try to walk past them but I only make it so far before my dad calls out for me. "We have your phone."

I stop and turn around to face them once more. I don't want my phone because I know there will be hundreds of messages from students at school and my family, all asking me about Sarah and John B. and I'm not up for that right now. But, I do have photos of Sarah on my phone and I'd really like to have them to look at. So, against my better judgement, I take the phone from my dad.

"Thanks. I'll get changed and meet you in the car." I fake a smile to them and they nod, walking away from me.

Once they're gone, I finally allow myself to open my phone. The second I do, as I guessed, I am flowed with missed calls and texts. Some people from school ask me if I got the $25,000. Some ask me if I've been kidnapped. Some even ask if Sarah and John B. are still alive.

I start going through my messages. Some of them are contacts from school or my family such as aunts and uncles, and some are unknown numbers. As I scroll and delete messages, I come across a voice mail. It's not a normal phone number, but one you would find if you were on a boat. The number is a four digit code and you've never seen it before. Better yet, they left a voicemail so I click on it to check who it is. I type in my four digit code to access my voicemail and then press play on the voicemail.

"Hey Callie..." it's Sarah. My stomach drops. I look at the time. This is after Shoupe told us they had died. I'm breathing rapidly. Sarah's alive? "I'm here with John B. and I want you to know we're okay. We're gonna be fine. I can't tell you where we're going but I just want to let you know I love you and I'll see you soon. Bye."

I not crying but I so surprised that my legs feel weak. I can't believe it. Once the voicemail ends, I turn off my phone and try to catch my breath. Where is she? Is she still on the boat? Is she on another one? Where are they going? I can't believe that this is happening. Two seconds ago I was mourning my friend's death and now, I just found out they're both still alive.

I instantly think of JJ, Kiara and Pope. I need to tell them. Now.

I run as fast as my feet can carry me. My feet are hurting but I can't stop now. I run up the hill where I was, past the first tent and into the second. Kiara, Pope and JJ are all sitting beside eachother and speaking. No one else is in the tent right now. The second I run in, their eyes look to mine. I'm out of breath and they all look concerned.

"Callie?" Kiara asks, confused as to why I'm out of breath.

"They're alive." I breath out, my breath finally catching up to me.

They all look to each other, confused now. I know they don't believe me. As they look at each other, I open my phone and go back to the voicemail.

I open it and before I can put in my four digit code, JJ speaks, "Callie, what are you talking about?"

I put in my four digit code and put the message on speaker. Once the message starts, I see all of their eyes widen. Kiara grabs onto Pope as Sarah speaks and I can see the tears in JJ's eyes. I grab his hand the second he starts the tear up and he looks at me, smiling. He's not crying because he's sad, it's because he's happy.

Once the voicemail ends, Kiara, Pope, and JJ look at me. They're all smiling. I smile back this time too. This is really happening. They're not dead.

"Oh my god..." Pope says, smiling like a madman.

I was smiling like that too. "I know. They're not dead."

"I can't believe it." Kiara says, smiling at me.

"We can't tell Shoupe." JJ says, looking at all of us. "If he knows they're alive, he'll never stop."

I nod. "Then there's only one thing we can do."

Kiara, Pope, and JJ all look at me, smiling but confused. I couldn't ask for better people in my life.

"What is it?" JJ asks, smiling at me. He reaches for my hand and I smile back, grabbing his hand. I'm so glad he's mine. After everything that's happened, JJ Maybank might just be the best thing to ever happen to a Kook like me.

"We wait until they come back. When they do, we do what we always do: we help our family." I say, smiling at my family.

They smile back.

I don't know what the future holds, but I have my family with me. And that's all that matters.

[dingobabywrites]

 so, in light of recent events, people have been discussing when they think Dean and Cas realized that they were in love with each other. While I 100% believe dean realized in purgatory, I dont think Castiel realized until Dean broke Naomi's connection.

BUT!!!!

I also think that is around the same time Sam realized it too. Obviously Charlie already knew ( " what about Castiel, he seems helpful and..Dreamy" she's a lesbian. That comment wasn't for Her!") I think Charlie was the one to point it out to sam and I think the two of them agreed to keep it to themselves since neither of those two would have been able to handle that information. So, I wrote a little thing about how I think it went down.

I also wanted to give myself an explanation for those wierd looks and mystery note from the end of the episode...so yeah...here's that.

Sam hobbled down the hall to the guest room, his hand still throbbing from knocking Dean unconcious . It was…worrisome, to say the least, that he was having this much trouble with healing from such a minor injury, not to mention the other things that were happening to his body; the fatigue, coughing up blood. Troubling, but, as much as he hated to admit it, worth it. Dean had been pissing him off more than usual lately anyway. It wasn't just the trials. Sure, he was frustrated with Dean for thinking he wasn't strong enough to handle them (he had fought against Lucifer in his own mind for christ's sake) but it was everything else too. His loyalty to Benny still didn't sit right with him. He had been so quick to kill Amy, just because she was a monster. He didn't care that she was just feeding her kid. She was just a monster to him. But for some reason, Benny got a pass. Sure, the guy saved both their asses, he was grateful for that, but even Bobby knew it was wrong.

And then there was Cas.

 

Sam wanted nothing more, than to tell Dean that he should have learned his lesson the first time with the Angel. It wasn't like he didn't like Castiel. Of course he did. He was appreciative of everything the guy had done for them. Dean was right that he had saved their asses more than once. It was just….at the end of the day, whether they liked him or not, Castiel had betrayed them. He understood that perfectly. What he couldn't understand, was why dean was so suprised by him doing it again. Hell, Dean had been the one to bring up that fact that the guy wasn't acting right since he got back and yet, there he was, praying to him, putting his trust in him again. It was maddening, to say the least. He had tried to talk to his brother about it, but Dean immediately shut down.

So, yeah, his hand was still hurting, but it was damn worth it.

He turned the corner to find Charlie stuffing her things into her duffle. He knocked on the door frame with his uninjured hand. "Hey, there."

"Sam." She half smiled, when she turned around, her eyes still a little bleary from crying. "Hi, I'm just…just packing up to head out and…" she sniffled and plopped down on the bed, covering her face as she began crying anew.

Sam walked into the room and pulled up the desk chair, sitting down in front of her. "Dean told me what happened, while you two were under." He said. "I am so sorry about your mom, Charlie." He placed his hand on her shoulder as she began crying harder. "I know how hard it is to let go like that…"

"Dean was right," she sniffed. "I needed to stop holding on."

Sam let out a bitter scoff and pulled his hand back, squeezing both hands between his legs. "Yeah, Dean's always right, isn't he? Too bad he can't follow his own advice."

Charlie looked up, her eyes sad and confused. "Holding on to my mom was the reason I was stuck there. If he hadn't made me let go, I would have died.we both would have."

Sam shook his head at himself, trying his damndest to let go of his own bitterness to be there for his friend. "Ya, I know. I'm sorry…just…I know you're hurting right now, I just want you to know I'm here for you."

Charlie sniffed again, wiping her arm across her face to dry it before leaning back and staring at Sam. "I don't get it." She said, as firmly as possible.

Sam, leaned back and shrugged. "Me neither, really. I always thought all djinn fed off happiness. It's like every time we figure stuff out, something new comes along to throw us off our game."

"Not that." Charlie said, waving his statement off. Sam looked at her, confused, not sure what she was referring to. She took a breath and pulled a book out of her duffle throwing it on Sam's lap. 'Mystery Spot' By Carver Edlund. "You say these books happened in real life. That everything written in them actually went down…but the past two times I've been around you guys…you certainly dont act like you do in the books."

Sam skimmed the first page of the book and chuckled, tossing it back on the bed next to Charlie. "Yeah, well, things have just been different, I guess."

"So, you used to love and support each other, no matter what and now you just, what? Stopped?" She asked.

"It's…" Sam scoffed and shook his head. "things are just, more complicated now…"

"You maybe, wanna elaborate there buddy?" She asked. "I may be a genius, but a mind reader, I am not."

Sam let out a breath and scrubbed a hand through his hair. He figured it might feel better to at least get something off his chest. "To be honest Charlie, I dont think Dean is cut out for the job anymore."

"Why not?"

"His judgment, for one thing." Sam answered. "I don't know, just ever since he got back from purgatory… he's been…it's like he can't think straight anymore. He used to be no nonsense when it came to killing monsters and only trusting people he knew he could trust and now… I mean, I get it. Purgatory was rough on him, but the guy has literally been to Hell and back. I don't see why this time is any different."

"What do you mean?" Charlie asked softly.

"I mean like, being friends with a freaking vamp." Sam answered, coldly. "Yeah, Benny wasn't like the others, and I get the whole 'brother's in arms' aspect, but it still doesn't make sense." He waved his hand, gesturing back at the book before letting it drop. "That Dean? That Dean would have never put his trust in a monster. That Dean wouldn't let people back into his life that had screwed him over, and now…I don't know, now it's like he just doesn't care about letting people in that who could hurt him, or…people who already have."

"So, it's not just about the vampire." Charlie said. "Who else has Dean been trusting that you don't think he should?"

Sam gritted his teeth and shook his head. "Cas really messed him up Charlie. I mean, the guy already turned his back on us once and Dean just let him back into our lives like nothing even happened."

"Ah." Charlie said, with complete understanding. "Okay, I get it now."

"Get what?" Sam asked.

"I get why Dean has been acting wierd, duh." She said, like it was obvious. Sam sat, staring at her, trying to peice together what puzzle she seemed to have completed. "Oh, my God. Do you really not see it?" Charlie laughed.

"Um, no?" Sam said, skeptically.

"Wow," she scoffed. "And here I thought you were the observant one." Sam waited for her to explain herself, still utterly lost on what she was talking about. "It's Castiel." She said, speaking to him as if he were a child.

"What about him?" Sam asked, hoping like hell that she wasn't talking about the angel brainwashing his brother or something.

"I've read the books, Sam." She said. "I know all about Dean's special Angel friend."

"No." Sam shook his head. "No, chuck stopped writing after Dean went to hell. There's no way you could have a read anything about Cas."

Charlie scrunched her face and bobbed her head back and forth. "Mmmm, not exactly." She reached into her bag and pulled put her laptop, turning it on. "Remember how I said the books were online now?" Sam nodded waiting for her to continue. "Okay, dont get mad," she said as she typed "but, he may have kept writing a little bit longer than you thought…."

"He what?!" Sam said, furious. They had told that dick to knock it off after that stupid convention."How long?"

"Relax." She said, scrolling through some page on her screen. "He stopped after you sacrifice yourself to Hell, actually. It was beautifully written by the way, super emotional, but no one has seen or heard from him since."

'Good!' Sam thought to himself. He felt a little bad for that thought, since Kevin was now the prophet it meant that the reason no one had heard from Chuck was likely because he was dead, but at least no one else could know more about their lives than they already did. "Okay, but what does any of this have to do with Dean? Why would Cas be the reason he's acting wierd?"

Charlie sighed, cringing to her self a little. "Well, as you already know, where there's a fandom, there's most likely fanfiction…"

"I'm aware." Sam said, peeved by the memory of stumbling upon the fanfiction written about him and Dean.

"Look, I'm not saying anything is definite, but alot of people who write fanfiction are really good at reading between the lines." She clicked her mouse a few times before closing her laptop and setting it back in her bag. "I mean, I've read all the books myself, and I totally know that you guys are real people and not some fictional characters, and it's completely not okay to speculate on your lives and feelings or whatever...but I mean, it's kinda hard not to see where they're all coming from."

"What are you talking about, Charlie?"

"Dean said that Benny helped him fight through purgatory, right?" She said. "He met him pretty early on in his time there, no?"

"Yeah," Sam said, still completely bemused, "I guess…Dean hasn't really talked a lot about what happened while he was there. He told me some things, but he never really went into detail."

Charlie nodded and shrugged sheepishly before continuing. "Okay, so he met Benny early on, and Benny told him he had a way to get back, right off the bat. So, why did it take them so long to get out of there?"

"Dean said he spent alot of his time searching for Cas." Sam answered.

"Exactly!" She exclaimed, like that should have been the answer.

"I'm sorry Charlie, I still don't understand what you're getting at here."

"Sam, he could've come back at any point after meeting Benny. They only spent as much time as they did together, because Dean wanted to bring Castiel back with him. Even after everything he did. Don't you think that's a little…suspicious?"

"That's exactly what I've been saying!" Sam said. "Why would he do that?!"

"Yeah, Sam, why?" She said, still trying to lead him. "Why would someone run back into a fire, when they have a way out? I mean, I think you, of all people, would know the answer to that."

Sam gaped at her in shock. It took a minute for him to register what she was implying, but once he did… "Charlie, that's…"

"Just a thought!" She defended before he finished. "I'm just saying that Dean doesn't normally put his trust in people. Except, maybe…the people he REALLY cares about and the people that protect them. Maybe there's more to the story when it comes to his trust in Benny than you thought. I definitely feel like there's more when it comes to Castiel."

"Charlie, come on." Sam laughed a little. " You know Dean. He's…"

"More complicated than people give him credit for." Charlie cut him off. "He also knows how hard it is to let go of the people he loves. He's actually really bad at it. Maybe, worse than you know."

"Charlie," Sam started, before being cut off once more.

"He's definitely more concerned about you than you think." Charlie said firmly, standing up as she did. She began packing once more, keeping her eyes averted from Sam's. "He's not trying to control you, you know. He raised you, Sam. You mean alot to him. You ever think for a moment that he's just really scared for you? Scared of losing you? I mean, back to my point, he is really bad at losing people."

Sam sat in silence, petulantly mulling over Charlie's words. She was right, probably. Dean may have been scared, but it was still possible that he just couldn't hack the life anymore. Sam wasn't some child. And the other stuff she was saying…she was way off base. There was a big difference between reading about someone's and living it.

"I sent you the link to the website I used to read the books." Charlie said as she zipped up her bags. She slung her backpack over her shoulder crossing her arms as she stared him down. "I know you lived through it all and everything, but not every part was about you. There's a few things you may have missed."

"Yeah, I don't think that's gonna happen." Sam shook his head.

"Just a suggestion." She shrugged. "It might open your eyes to a few things you don't understand. I get not wanting to relive those times but…if you ever decide that's something you might wanna do, hit me up. I can tell you what chapters to skip, or whatever. And, if your really curious about Dean's relationship to Castiel, 'On the Head of a Pin' is a good place to start. The torture chapters are pretty rough, and I know you'll want to skip over your parts…but the other stuff.…" she shrugged.

"Okay." He said, at a loss for more words than that.

"You ready to roll?" Dean said, from the doorway, knocking on the door frame before entering the room.

"Looks, like it." Charlie smiled up at him as he entered.

"I didn't interrupt anything did I?" Dean asked looking between her and Sam with concern written all over his face. "You guys look a little spooked."

"Ew, gross, no." Charlie said, scrunching her face at Dean's implications. "Sam, was just helping me with my bags. Right Sam?"

"Uh, yeah…" Sam said, standing up and grabbing her duffle off the bed.

"Eh, come on, you know I'm just teasin ya!" Dean chuckled, jabbing her on the shoulder playfully. "He may have the hair, but the body parts are all wrong, right?"

"Definitely." Charlie agreed.

"Come on." Dean said, tilting his head toward the door. He waited for Charlie to leave the room, then cast a skeptical glance at Sam before following after. Sam was sure he was in for an earful after she left. He began dreading it as he said his goodbyes, anticipating the lecture as he told Charlie she was welcome to comeback at anytime. But it wasn't the only thing on his mind now. After bidding Charlie farewell, he went inside, giving the two of them their time alone. He hesitated for a moment, convinced that the trials were seriously messing with his head if he was even considering this. Then again…

He headed to the library, grabbing a peice of paper and a pen on his way and sat down. 'This is just stupid.' He thought to himself as he wrote down the words 'On the Head of a Pin'. He heard the bunker door open. Dean walked up, the look on his face telling Sam that it was time for his ass- chewing, so he decided to cut it off before it could start.

He clicked the pen closed and stood up, ready to defend his actions. "Okay, look you were right. I-I should laid low. I-I know." He said as Dean approached him."I should have hung back. I'm glad I was able.."

Then Dean grabbed him. Then Dean pulled him into a hug. It wasn't at all what he was expecting. He was lost, but relieved and hugged his brother back.

Dean chuckled and patted his back before pulling away. "What do you say we find our prophet?." Dean smiled, before smaking him in the chest and walking away.

Sam was left to himself, completely bewildered by what had just occurred. Dean had certainly not been acting like himself, but this was a whole new level. Maybe there was some truth to Charlie's words? Maybe he really was just scared? Maybe Sam really didn't know everything about his brother. Now, wasn't the time to think about that, though. Dean was right, the had to look for Kevin. They had work to do. Research.

But Dean had to sleep at some point. Maybe Sam could do a little light reading in that time.

If Charlie was right about Dean being scared for him, who knew what else she was right about?

[linphd]

ex!aizawa x ex!villain!reader | mr.blue [angst]

shouta aizawa x reader

female reader

(Y/N) turned villain after many years with Shouta. But now that she's stopping, she still has to say her goodbyes.

warning : big ass angst, death, sad shouta

the lyrics are from mr.blue by catherine feeny and the whole story is 100% inspired by Bojack Horseman's ending so don't read and watch the video I've put if you don't want to get spoiled oof

(Y/N) and Shouta met when she was in her 1st year at U.A. He was a Big Three, thus he had to train her class and help them with hero work. They became the interns of the same hero, and that's when they started dating. When the girl finally graduated U.A, they moved in together. Their life was most of the time peaceful. However, when Shouta became a teacher himself, he got very busy. It was already something that hurt (Y/N), even if she knew it wasn't his fault ; he was even trying to be with her as much as he could, despite her being a pro hero as well. And she was kind of famous !

Indeed, she was one of the top 20 heroes, and the man not wanting to be in the spotlight, he was trying to avoid wherever she was going -as paparazzis were always nearby. Still, their couple and their love for each other was much stronger than busy schedules. It was Shouta who asked his partner to marry him. That night, they had gone to a fancy restaurant, they had watched a movie (Y/N) had been wanting to see for a long time, and the brunette was wearing a blue suit. It wasn't typical of him to wear blue, but it was a suit the woman had bought him. He wanted her to be happy. And after that night, it became 'the suit you asked me to marry you in' as she called it. Shouta didn't mind the name.

Their wedding was so beautiful. They both referred to it as the best day of their lives. All of their friends were there, the music had been perfect, the food had been perfect, and Shouta had even managed to dance perfectly, impressing even his now wife. He couldn't forget the smile she had worn the whole night, and even the two days after. She even got pregnant, yeah. It was a girl, and they had named her (D/N). But (Y/N) was 7 months pregnant when she had a miscarriage. Villains attacked their house, because of her rank. And Shouta couldn't do anything. Their lives couldn't be the same after that.

After what happened, (Y/N) kept training and training, her quirk affecting her sanity. It was a dangerous quirk. The legend said that whenever she was angry somewhere, the sky would turn into storm. When she would be sad, it would turn into rain. But it would only be where she would be standing, not affecting the rest of the town. And Shouta knew ; that legend was true. (Y/N) got depression. Maybe he did, too. But one day, he woke up, and she was gone.

She only left him a letter : ''(H/N) is gone. Tell the news I'm dead, that villains killed me in front of you. I'm not coming back'' it said. And Shouta knew that losing his daughter was one of the worst day of his life, but losing his wife had been even worst than anything else. He knew (Y/N) wasn't gone for real. Some nights, while he was doing his hero work, she would attack him, out of the blue, for fun. She looked like a villain, her hero costume was just a memory to him, now. Her quirk had left some traces on her ; her eyes looked crazy. She looked tired. She looked insane. And Shouta knew that that smile was fake, as the sky would always turn a dark purple with scary clouds, whenever she was.

She never got caught. Even after 5 years, she didn't get caught. As he had new students, Shouta had to investigate on the League of Villains. And weirdly, she had managed to befriend them and they were now a part of her own villain relations. They were so many. But weirdly, never once they attacked heroes he knew. The League of Villains attacked U.A, yes. But (Y/N) and her own minions ? Never once. He didn't know who they attacked. He didn't care as long as she wasn't caught.

Mr. Blue, I told you that I love you.

Please believe me.

Mr. Blue, I have to go now.

Darling don't be angry.

A few years later, it was Midnight's wedding. Everyone was having fun, and even some students had been invited as they had graduated U.A. Still, Shouta wasn't someone who partied, even after all those years. He just went outside, and stood on a hill nearby. The sky was beautiful. He was lost in his thoughts when he heard footsteps. Thinking it was Hizashi, the brunette turned his head carelessly. But how wrong he was. ''How did you hear about the wedding ?'' He asked. ''I hear about a lot of things. And I wouldn't miss Nemuri's wedding.'' (Y/N) replied, standing next to him, but far enough not to make it too intimate.

Knowing he would break at seeing her this close, the man turned his gaze back to the stars. ''She never heard I was a villain. I retired, anyway.'' The woman continued, Shouta's eyes widening. ''What do you mean ?'' He asked her, confused. ''It's over, for me. My quirk is worst than before. I may die if I use it again. I used drugs, you know ? I used to talk with the yakuzas when I was at my villain peak.'' She said, a little smile on her face -maybe nostalgia ? ''Did you like it ?'' Shouta asked, calmly. ''Well, it was nice while it lasted.'' She replied, smiling. ''Just like our relationship together.'' She continued, making the brunette sigh at her words. To him, the relationship wasn't really over. Sure, they weren't together, but there was still something

''I never broke up with you. You just... left.'' He said. He was right. It made (Y/N) uncomfortable that he was right. So she decided to make him uncomfortable instead ; it was what she used to do. ''You're wearing the blue suit. The suit you asked me to marry you in. Were you expecting me ?'' She asked, chuckling. ''Maybe ? I don't have many suits. You were the one finding them for me. Hizashi isn't really good at it.'' He explained, making the woman smile. But he kept talking. ''I loved you, for 17 years.'' He said. ''I wasn't even 17 when we met.'' She replied, chuckling.

I know that you're tired.

I know that you're sour and sick,

and sad for some reason.

''There were so many things I wanted to tell you. But now that you're here, I don't know what to do.'' Shouta said, not being able to put words on what he was feeling. ''You just feel... comforting, you know ?'' He tried to illustrate his emotions. ''Do you remember, when we started dating, you said you liked being in the same room as me, cause it was a peaceful room ?'' The woman asked, making him nod. ''I guess even after all this time, it's still peaceful.'' He said. ''Why did you never try to attack me ? You are a hero, after all.'' (Y/N) asked. ''I didn't want to. And you never did something that made agencies send me. You never attacked the school, nor our friends... you've always been clever.''

''This discussion is shit. Can you believe that ? We went through so much shit together, that we don't have anything else to say. And still, it's comforting.'' The woman said. ''I don't see why it wouldn't be comforting. I've never been mad at you. When you left, the only thing I thought was : '(Y/N) is gone, and now everything's worst.' But I don't blame you. Our life was hell. It was surely better for us to stop being together. It couldn't work, even if we still want it to work.'' Shouta said, admitting in the same time that he still loved her. He guessed she had admitted she still loved him too, as she never once said the room wasn't comforting.

''Thank you.'' She said. ''I'm sorry. Thank you.'' Those were just a few words, but they meant many things ; how grateful she had been to live with him. He was so understanding and was so in love with her, he wasn't even enraged when she left. ''Thank you, too. I'm not as socially awkward as I was in high school. You helped me a lot by making me humiliate myself in front of many people.'' Shouta said, smiling. It even made (Y/N) laugh. ''Did you want to see me ?'' He asked. ''Yeah. To tell you that I'm leaving. I've left once without telling you. I can at least see you in person now that I'm okay.'' She replied.

So I'll leave you with a smile.

Kiss you on the cheek.

And you will call it treason.

''You're okay ?'' He asked ; his memories of her being a happy person were very old, as their last moments together had just been her drowning more and more into insanity. But she did look sane, now. All the marks of her quirk were gone. Even her face looked peaceful and rest. After they lost their daughter, after she became depressed, and after her quirk drove her crazy... she was now okay. ''Yes. Are you ?'' She asked, and he nodded. He wasn't lying. He really was okay. ''We have to, anyway. We're not young anymore. We can't afford it.'' Shouta started.

         ''Life's a bitch and then you die, right ?'' He asked, almost laughing at his own sentence. ''Sometimes... sometimes life's a bitch and you keep living.'' (Y/N) replied. It was true. She kept living. He kept living. ''But it's a nice night, hm ?'' She asked, as she had been staring at the sky as well. He remembered how she affected the sky around her. But this time, the night was peaceful. There wasn't any dark cloud, the stars were bright and shiny. They couldn't hear the wind, and couldn't even feel it. She really was okay. She had grown. Shouta smiled. ''Yeah. This is nice.'' He replied -it was comforting.

Mr. Blue, don't hold your head so low,

that you can't see the sky.

Mr. Blue, I told you that I love you.

Please believe me.

        They looked at the sky together, enjoying that it was calm and beautiful. For so many years, (Y/N) had only seen dark clouds, and for so many years, Shouta was all alone to enjoy the calm. The woman sat, as she was getting tired to stand up. Hizashi had walked outside, looking for his friend, when he saw him, on the top of a hill. He recognized the silhouette next to him. Hizashi's mouth was agape, his eyes widened. (Y/N) decided to lay on the floor completely, making Shouta turn to look at her and laugh. He laughed way too much for a simple move. But he had missed it ; she laughed with him as well.

        ''Yamada-sen- Yamada, what's going on ?'' Izuku asked, still being disturbed that he couldn't use the 'sensei' now that he had graduated. ''I can't tell if that's the happiest or the saddest scene I've seen.'' He whispered, still focused on the couple. Izuku didn't understand, but as he recognized the silhouette of his former teacher, he kept watching. Meanwhile, the couple wanted to say things to each other, sometimes their heads turning to look at the other and their mouths opening as if to say something, but they couldn't find anything to say ; they had lived everything, there was nothing left to be said. They just didn't have anything to say to one another anymore.

         (Y/N) looked at Shouta ; he was still standing, looking at the sky. But he had a bright smile on his face. She was thankful that he had been in her life. But they lost so many things together, and she turned a villain, they couldn't get back together anymore. She hoped he understood she loved him ; she had never been the type to say it out loud, and never was he. She hoped he also believed everything she had just said to him, because she had meant everything. And as he was focused on the sky, she decided it was time for her to go, quietly. But this time, she couldn't be a villain. But she couldn't come back anyway. Once the brunette turned to look at her once again, she was gone.

note that the 'room that feels comforting', the 'nice while it lasted', the blue suit, the '... is gone, and now everything is worst’, the final dialogue and the fact that they want to look at each other but have nothing left to say all come from Bojack Horseman and I'm very thankful for that show it gives very good life lessons and helped me actually to deal with some stuff so 🤧❤️❤️❤️

and yeah I’m back with a Shouta story and it’s an angst it feels like it’s the beginning of that blog again right 😗✌🏻

[rixxy8173571m3w1p3]

The Truths Found On Petram Viridios IV (5/5)

A/N: The last chapter to this fic. It's a long one and I gotta say that I've had a lot of fun with this one. After I post this chapter, I'll be sure to post the masterpost for this fic. And of course it'll be available on ao3 soon enough.

Read Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4

__________

Chapter 5: Adore You

If you had to draw a map to find the way home once you were captivated by the gaze of those trustworthy, soft eyes of his, you would surely run out of ink; pools of blue, unwavering in their affection, drew you in, and you were willing to drown in them. There were facets about them that fascinated you as much as the scales of a butterfly did; they did not shimmer, but they gleamed and sparkled; it's what made you pause and search for a wisp of an acquaintance that very first time you saw him; finding a familiarity that threatened to sweep you away. Why you even found fire in those eyes; it was there in his moments of determination and passion. Oh, how their color shifted with his moods was a type of magic you wanted to spend the rest of your life being mesmerized by. To be sure he wasn't mistaken, he dare not blink; exhibiting the full spectrum of what Billie Eilish described as ocean eyes; he had to be sure. "Y-you do?"

"Yes," you giggled. "I do."

It wouldn't occur to you till later, that he had given you a choice. For instead of the typical proposal question, where it was more asserted, Rick asked in a manner in which there was equal footing; it spoke volumes of the respect he had for you. With shaky hands, he slipped a ring whose stone was as clear and blue as his eyes and cut perfectly like a rose, the band covered in gold vines and silver leaves which weaved together; he made it himself, and if you thought back far enough, you could remember when he was ambiguous about his plans to create a new type of stone. Honestly, you didn't realize it would be for this.

"Gosh," he sniffled. "I-I promised myself that I w-wouldn't cry."

But cry he would; fat, sloppy tears that blinded one's vision. He wiped at his eyes with the sleeve of his sweater, and fought to regain composure, but lost to the new wave which followed. You gently pried his hands away from his face, softening at his tear-stained cheeks. "It's okay, you can cry if you want to. I already know how tender you are."

Goodness, how long had he wanted to do this? For while it had almost been two years in which he had last attempted to, it might've been on his mind for much longer than that; eating away at his clarity; at the self-confidence that was torn down and repaired daily. You were grateful and proud that this man wanted you; that he finally gathered the courage to ask and do as he intended and wanted. You….you had wanted this to happen, but did he know that? Your ocean of inquisitions thought otherwise.

However, it was time to quiet and quell his despondent thoughts. Your fingers dug into the collar of his sweater; the tang of nervous sweat and something so him which wafted off him made you yearn to bring him closer. The puffiness about his eyes didn't discourage you from pressing a kiss at the corner of them and from his throat came a choked sob and you were surrounded by the sounds of his disbelief; this cacophony was breaking your heart. There had to be something you could do to ease him. "Ricardo," you started, "considering the suddenness of the occasion, should we, in like fashion…my dear honey man, would you like to get married today?"

This new tidbit caught him off guard; so much so that he stopped crying; good. Now, he was the one who was unsure of whether this was real life or a simulation. He ran his fingers through his hair, double-checked his equipment, sprayed himself with water, and completed equations that had taken this earth dimension's leading mathematicians decades to understand. What you thought was odd was when he caught a pigeon, scanned its anatomy, and found it was sound; you were going to have to ask him about it later. "Rick, did you hear me?"

"Y-yes," he focused, "but what d-do you mean today? How?"

You figured he would have easily come to a conclusion, but then again, what do spacemen have to do with the price of bread?

"I mean that we don't have to wait if you don't want to." You slid your palm over his tattoo, memorizing with your fingertips where his skin was slightly raised. "We can just go down to the justice of the peace if you'd like."

"And y-you would be my wife today?"

"Yes," you giggled. "I think that's how it works."

"But what about a-a…"

"A wedding ceremony?" you interrupted. "Well, we can have one later. We can plan it however you want, and invite all our friends. There can be so much celebration that we'll be knocked out for a week. Until then, I just want to make you happy, and I believe the sooner the better. Okay? So, if we're going to do this, just tell me now and I'll go get the proper paperwork."

It never ceased to amaze you how easily he flitted through emotions as though it were the weather, and with vigor, he lifted you up and vibrated with joy. "Boy, golly gee…this really - this really razzes my b-berries! This is…wow, I-I can't believe it."

You couldn't believe his word choice either. "Oh, you better believe it, because now you're stuck with me and I have you all to myself. However, you're going to have to put me down now because the office closes at five. There are a few things I need to do before then."

Letting you down, he happily waved goodbye despite the fact that it wouldn't take long to get what you needed for this impromptu occasion. Though, when you entered your house, you took a moment to think about your father. There were things you still didn't understand, like why he never told you about his friendship with Rick, or why you two never really discussed what he'd do if you got married; if he had been here, maybe you two would have talked about which flowers would look best as centerpieces; like whether roses or mums were cheerful enough or if this really was a good idea; if such an age gap was surmountable. Yet, in a way you felt as though you were honoring him; for your father and your mother had been unconventional and had gotten married without all the showy displays then road tripped a bit before settling here; you were simply following tradition.

Maybe, you didn't have to know about the why's and what-ifs, but focusing on what you could do seemed a whole lot easier to do. You kicked off your sneakers and dashed upstairs. You knew where your important documents were, but you thought that choosing a cute outfit would take a little longer. You wanted a certain vibe, one that would make things easier on him and then it came to you; why not revisit an old favorite; one that reminded you of his eyes; always, forever blue.

When you returned, you found him pacing around. He was deep in thought, and it took a moment for him to notice that you had returned. Almost comically, his eyes widened as he took in your appearance, and he started to cry again. "That's th-the dress. From that one time."

"It sure is."

With a twirl, you flaunted the blue chiffon dress, and felt like a dream; his visible adoration was not lost on you. It was a relief that this time you hadn't taken an hour to fuss or worry that you weren't dressed for the part, and you weren't wearing shoes which would kill your feet, but instead rocked some converse. "These shoes are made for walking and that's just what I'll do."

Unlike you, Zeta-7 wanted to fuss and choose something dressier, but you somehow managed to convince him that his blue button-up would be fine, and no tie was necessary; hidden ray guns were allowed just in case this happened to be the day that the Gromflomites attacked; not even Earth-based military scanners would be able to detect them. Though, you did allow him to fix up his hair, because one, you thought he was quite handsome with it combed back, and two, it's what he felt he needed to do to look the part. "How do I-I look?"

"Like the man I'm going to marry. Are you ready handsome?"

With a nod, he grabbed the folder with all the documents he needed. "Y-you bet."

______________

At the courthouse, the entire security staff grouped together and teased you about your keys; you should've known that you'd face trouble once you went through the metal detector; you had a lot of keychains; they were from the days when you and your father would go shopping together. Like Rick, he liked yard sales and thrift stores; sometimes he'd get grab bags and there would be vintage keychains, and he'd give them to you knowing you'd like them. You were told by one of the older guards that it wasn't natural for a grown woman to have a set of keys that weighed five pounds. Zeta-7 began to worry, but you told him you could handle it, and you figured the guards were bored and had nothing else to do. What you didn't tell them was that the main reason your keys were heavy was that you were carrying two sets; yours and your father's old keys; Rick knew, but he respected your wishes to leave it be.

Despite this, you two made your way to the right office; it only took fifteen minutes of going to lobby after lobby, free coffee, and endless rugs in all this indoor nothingness. And nobody knew better than Rick when it came to how much you hated paperwork, but nonetheless, you went through the painstaking process of signing this and that, wondering why they didn't make it easier for people by asking yes or no questions; this better not become someone's confetti. Rick breezed through it all, and you were slightly jealous that he knew what he was doing, but it was due to the fact that citadel paperwork was a lot more frustrating and difficult; he had to go through stacks of it weekly; poor man. While he sat quietly, you were in-between forms that had to be signed in triplicate and heard the gossip coming from the people who were working in the back of the office. What they didn't know was that their ignorance made you more determined; you'd fought your own expectations, that of others, as well as what seemed right to do long enough and no one, not even death itself was going to stop you from doing this; it was the best thing you could ever do for yourself and for him as well. You breathed a sigh of relief when you and Rick finally signed the marriage certificate; finally, it was done, and he watched rapturously as you set down the pen so that he could kiss you without refrain.

If you hadn't known better, you'd say the world shied away; dissolving into a plane of nothingness as he enveloped you with a strength that was deceptive for a man of his years; he had become a little more confident; it might've taken a few years, but all you knew was that it suited him. Being nurtured and cared for, as well as loved in the right sort of environment did wonders on Zeta-7; so much so, that he could hold the world in the palm of his hand and still manage not to damage it. It wasn't shocking that some found this outward display sweet, and you almost had hope for humankind, but then there was a laugh or two from the back; you made a mental note to consider moving off Earth. No one was going to ruin this moment for him, and relishing the moment, you chased his mouth for a second kiss; you know, to prove your point.

And if you hadn't already been proud of him, what made you even prouder was what he said on the way out. "Please stop laughing at m-my wife. Th-that's very rude."

His wife? Yes, you were his wife now. It's strange how you could wake up and wonder what you should have for breakfast and be here where you were now; in a whole new chapter of your life; wondering what will come next. Confusing yes, but not something to be afraid of; you welcomed this happy transition.

Back at the car, you were still recovering from his earlier outburst; the like which was almost out of character. "Did you see the look on her face? I thought it was going to fall off with how far her jaw dropped. Wasn't it a sight?"

Though, he was busy staring at the ring on his own hand which you had picked out when you two made a stop at a consignment shop earlier. It wasn't that complex like yours, but he loved it. "All I could see was - was you."

"You flirt."

You gave his shoulder a playful shove, and in turn, he laughed a full-on belly laugh; this happy noise was music to your ears. "Gosh, I-I mean it. Y-you, look so pretty today." A bit shyly, he commented. "Blue looks very good on you."

"Thank you. So, how should we celebrate? A trip to the moon perhaps? Going across the universe? Maybe a kaiju fight with Matango? Or watching Spiderman 2? Honestly, I'm game for anything."

You had decent shoes on and didn't care what he wanted to do because you were happy if he was happy. And as though it were just another afternoon, he glowed with happiness when he asked. "Mrs. Sanchez, do you - do you want to go get some ice cream?"

Some things will never change and you didn't mind that. "I'd love to. As the author, L.M. Montgomery once said, 'I guess ice cream is one of those things that are beyond imagination.' And, you know, it's so true. I intend to go all out with the toppings today. It's certainly that kind of occasion."

______

He couldn't seem to want to let go of your hand; as though the world would fall away if he didn't and that this would turn out to be a cruel dream. Still, you humored and spoiled him. As intended, you got all the toppings; Rick thought it was a kids dream come true with the amount of candy you had in your waffle bowl. And since you had enough to share, you took the liberty to feed him. He chatted on; offering charming stories from his band days; unlike other Ricks who were in a rock band called Flesh Curtains, his band had been a jazz and bossa nova trio; the band name had been comprised of a numerical equation; if you had named them you would've called them the Zeta Bytes.

Now, Rick wasn't a messy eater, but during one of his more excitable stories, he spilled a bit on the corner of his mouth. Ready with a napkin, you wiped it away, and couldn't help but laugh at how boyish it was. Giving your hand a squeeze, he absentmindedly brushed his thumb on the back of your hand; adoration coloring his voice. “You're t-t-too good to me.”

"There's no such thing. If anything, I gotta spoil you rotten."

You found no hindrance in his mood and this time he didn't think twice about kissing you then and there as he liked while you were still holding the napkin; fear and shame of public displays of affection being one less thing to worry about now. Who cared if your ice cream was melting, because your heart was melting; his mouth tasted of chocolate and promises. A soft chuckle escaped him as he pulled away; his promise whispered against your lips. "I-I promise I'll be good t-t-to you."

Being loved suited him; it really, really did wonders on his countenance and it made you wonder what else he could now do.

_________

By now you were a little tired, but Ricks contagious energy invigorated your spirits; you bet he could've come up with an invention and completed it today if he stayed this hyped up. Instead, he used that energy to make fresh rolls to go with the leftover acorn squash soup; you hadn't been that hungry, but you enjoyed it nonetheless. And when dinner had been eaten, you helped him with the dishes; nothing you hadn't done before, but his spirit was lighter and more at ease; he even bumped your hip with his as a gesture of playfulness. After cleaning up the kitchen, he decided that he'd like to take a shower and refresh himself and in the meantime, you stepped out into the backyard to enjoy the beauty of the night. In this part of town, despite the light pollution, you could see a fair amount of stars.

You had never studied astronomy, but Rick had shown you in diagrams and in textbooks of their names and explained how they were formed; to him, their complexity was like poetry, and it made them beautiful. You couldn't recite it by memory, but you had a feeling that beyond your current comprehension perhaps there was life amongst those heavenly bodies, despite the heat or deadly gases; if you had learned anything about space, it was that worlds were more along the lines of art and beauty than fields of science which were easily explained. Yet, in the air, where there was a sweet perfume, thick, but intoxicating, only where you were currently mattered; you saw that in the leftmost part of the yard there was jasmine which was currently in bloom; its blanket of flowers reminding you of snow. Hadn't you read of this somewhere before? Maybe.

In the grass near your feet, grasshoppers leaped away, and crickets chirped their songs. And you relished the strong breezes and the song of the night which may consume a melancholic heart if it were searching for tragedies instead of sweet dreams. And it had only been a few hours ago when you had thought that all of which transpired might've been a dream. Though, whatever truths that had come to light in the hours after the simulation, you were glad of them.

In the dark, sights and sounds were heightened and mesmerizing, albeit curious in its own right; if it hadn't been for the sound barrier Rick had on his property, you would've heard the obnoxious sound of the next-door neighbor's TV as they watched infomercials. Still, it was a beautiful night. Sitting on the bench which overlooked the whole yard, you thought of what wonderful things you'd like to share with Rick, and then he found you. For his part, he had changed into something more relaxed; into a light blue button-down that was similar to the one he was wearing earlier, but this one was softer, and it was paired with navy pants; it reminded you of blue pants Rick with his attire, but it was cute and suited him. With him, he had brought over a tray of goodies and you two ate cookies and cakes and drank earl grey under the moonlit night.

The pause in conversation gave allowances for observations. For example, you took a good long look at him as he sipped his tea; admiring how casual he appeared tonight. Without his labcoat or sweater, his identity seemed separate from that of his dimension jumping, scientist self; making way for the person deep inside; the friendly neighbor who won your heart without even trying. He noticed eventually that you had been staring at him, and he broke the silence with his inquiry. "What are y-you thinking about?"

"I'm thinking about you cutie. You um….you look really good in those blue pants of yours. Thinking of taking up modeling anytime soon?"

"N-no," he answered with an air of obliviousness that you found endearing. "not unless my next work assignment requires it. Gee, why do you ask?"

"Hmm, it's because you wear your clothes well. I always thought you did, but I don't believe I ever mentioned it."

He ruminated on what you said for a few minutes, before setting down his cup. "Did you - did you always find me attractive?"

"No," you confessed. "but you're the only person I've ever really been attracted to. I…..I always liked the fact that our relationship was built on something more substantial. You see, the more I got to know you, the more irresistible I found you. Though," you winked. "those teeth of yours were always too cute to resist."

This truth of yours made him comfortable enough to relinquish one of his own. "C-can I tell you a secret?"

"It's not much of a secret if you tell me dear, but you can tell me anyway."

Wringing his hands together, he confessed solemnly. "That day y-you tripped on the sidewalk nearby my house, I-I almost decided not to cross the road."

Not cross the road? Hmm, it had been an option. In your mind's eye, you could imagine it; the tall, lanky figure of a man debating against his better judgment on what he ought to do; so close but so far; knowing that he was altering the course of his future and putting yours at risk. Poor man, having to wallow over a moral dilemma like that. "Why is that?"

"Gosh, y-you….I didn't want to take advantage of the situation."

It could've been taken that way, but you never thought so. "So what changed your mind?"

"I thought you were going to cry, and I-I didn't… I didn't want you to suffer anymore. I thought t-to myself, that if I got t-t-to know you, then you wouldn't have to be lonely anymore."

When he said this, you nearly couldn't look at him; not because he knew more than he let on, but because who knows what paths you two would've taken if he hadn't shown up that day. Tears bit at the back of your eyes, and your nails bit into your palms. "Dear, love isn't always a cure for heartache," He tensed up at this, but you knew you had to tell him. You weren't upset because you had guessed as much, but being assured of it cemented the fact. "but I'm sure that without you, without your friendship, I might not be here right now. I think I was depressed, and from time to time I still feel that way. I…I have thought of ways to make my troubles end, ways you might not have been proud of, but you've shown me a better way to live. I think…no, I know that by expanding my horizons, I understand now that there's so much to look forward to, and not to take life for granted. Why," you paused, fighting the tears which threatened to fall. "you reminded me that I gotta make the most of this crazy, unpredictable life, and I'm happy that I'll get to do that with you."

He understood and accepted this answer and gave you a look of adoration and pride; the like that you hoped you'd always remember. And when you two were done with tea, you both took a walk about the garden. The sweet perfume of jasmine intermingled with that of the scent of his soap, and combined with the candor of his speech made this place feel like a well of comfort. He followed behind you as you two spoke, and you were conscious of the fact that with his freshly washed hair brushed back, it made him more appealing. His hands were in want of yours as he matched your pace, and you felt slightly mischievous as you'd skip or teased him to catch you; it wasn't long until he gathered you in his arms and laughed, and you asked without much seriousness for him to let you go, but while he loosened his grip, he didn't let go entirely. "Gosh, y-you make me feel so young. It - it feels so good to have you in my arms."

"Oh, really?" you giggled. "That's great to hear."

Pressing a kiss to your temple, he sighed. "It's unfortunate that I'm so old."

"That's okay. I like you as you are. It goes well with your personality."

"Thank you mi corazón. It feels good to hear that. However, can I-I ask you something?"

"Mhm."

"¿Si hubiera s-sido más joven, habría marcado la diferencia?"

"If you had been younger? I don't know. Possibly," you admitted. "I might've been less reluctant about my feelings at the beginning, but I truly don't know. I'd like to think that I'd still would've fallen for you anyway. You're a wonderful man Ricardo, you don't have to doubt that, anyone can see that. It doesn't matter how old you are, but it's who you are."

"Y-you're right." With reluctance, he allowed his arms to drop to his sides, and he wondered. "It um - it's getting late. Should I-I walk you home?"

Was he forgetting that he didn't have to? Maybe not. Perhaps he needed a sign; one that said that any suggestion of further intimacy was alright. "I thought I was home." you answered, "Don't you want me to stay?"

Scratching the back of his neck, he nodded. "Yes, I-I-I-I do."

"Then it's settled. We'll have a big sleepover," you brightened. "and it'll never have to end. I'll borrow a pair of your pj's and hog all the blankets because I'll get cold."

"And in - in the morning," he added warmly, "w-we can have pancakes."

"Yeah, and watch enough interdimensional cable to make us go blind."

"But I-I might have to work tomorrow."

"Oh. Well, then I guess I'll just have to eat all your snacks until you come back. We might have to take a trip to Costco at some point because they sell these mushroom crisps that are to die for."

Standing under the persimmon tree, he stepped forward and gave your shoulder a squeeze. "Y-you can have whatever you want," With a strong arm slipping around your waist, you felt almost shy at the way he smiled protectingly down at you. His warm breath ghosted about your ear, and his voice was above a whisper as he confessed. “because I-I-I finally got you princess and I'm not - I'm not going t-to let you go.”

At the sound of this pet name, you felt a slight warmth rush to your cheeks, but you didn't laugh it off as you had once but agreed with warmth. “You may do as you please, Mr. Sanchez.”

And so he did. Without hesitation, he lifted your chin and brushed your lips with his thumb. His eyes sparkling with humor, promise, and a confidence that was somehow so very appropriate on his face. "I love you. I-I-I always have. From the time I first held your hand, I knew it had to be you. I would've been a fool if I - if I hadn't tried. Even now, it's hard to believe, but it's starting to sink in."

"Me too. It's unbelievable, but it's true and we have the paperwork to prove it."

Leaning down, he pressed a sweet kiss onto your lips. It was so gentle, it was as though you might break if he tried otherwise. Kissing you again, he sighed against your lips. "It's beautiful out t-tonight."

"It is."

Pressing a hand to his cheek, you softened. "But I think I'm ready to call it a night. Why don't we go in?"

Weaving his fingers with yours, he softened. "Okay."

You used to think to yourself and wonder if his house would ever be ready to receive you, but what you now realized was that it had always been ready, and only you had been waiting for it all to catch up; for him to know what he wanted and to be courageous and say; for you to know what you needed, and to accept that being yourself didn't make you any less attractive or unique and that you weren't alone; you had never been alone, for he had always been waiting. His home, why it was always home, but it was always home because he was what grounded you and you were what grounded him. And you felt so married to him then, and everything felt as it should. Nothing had really changed, except for a title, and a promise; for you two were friends as you had always been; him the happy go lucky old man, and you the silly neighbor who met him by accident, but you couldn't deny that you loved him with your entire being and so did he. As promised, he intended to do everything in his power to protect you, even as you two were getting ready for bed. His body seemed to curl around you as to shield you from whatever monsters could be hiding in the dark.

So, when it happened that you rested your head upon his chest and felt the temptation of sleep washing over you, you pressed a light kiss to his cheek and confessed softly. "I can't wait to wake up next to you."

Fin

[infiniteseriesofhalfways]

Sometimes I need to get thoughts out of my brain you know?

(this is literally just me talking about knitting for awhile and then strangely, AH and my mental health tbh)

I wrote a knitting pattern that should be going up for sale this week (I hope??) and it's so wild to me bc I really only started knitting about a year ago? Like October of 2019. I'd tried multiple times ever since I learned to crochet when I was like 10, but just always struggled and hated it until one day it just... Clicked? And now I wrote a real pattern that I'm immensely proud of and I love and genuinely think is good?

I finished one and so did my mom, and we both have multiple other colorways in the works and it's because we've both had such a good time making it. I really do think it's beautiful as a pattern and I know the shawls people could make would be astounding. And I don't mean it in a 'look what a great pattern I made, what I'VE created is so wonderful' or egotistical or whatever way, I just... Genuinely love it.

The wildest part is that is started bc I was just... Fucking around with colors I liked. There was so much shit happening in October and I could not shut any part of my brain off enough with anything else, and I was so stressed and in such a bad place, so I just fucked around and made something that might give me comfort. The idea that this could be the Start Of Something because of that blows my mind.

And I'm mostly kidding here but I'm also terrified someone is going to say something about my color choice for the original and I'm going to have to admit that I 105% made it in Rimmy Tim colors bc they were the only thing I could stand to look at at the time. How do I begin to explain that to some woman on ravelry??

Anyway here's pics of part of it

Bc the actual pattern isn't out yet but I assure you there are more purple/orange bits and much less yellow as it goes on. But like... I made this! I did something! And it was completely born out of anxiety and my dear love for Jeremy's ridiculous color scheme. Which is fuckin hilarious and also part of why I love it so much.

I don't know my point here, but it's just... The world is fuckin weird sometimes. The things that inspire us. The things that turn into bigger things way beyond our imagination. Like if I hadn't stumbled upon a rage quit video 7 or 8 years ago I never would have made this. Because I wouldn't have gotten into AH, wouldn't have seen Jeremy's content, wouldn't have such a dear love for this color scheme, wouldn't have been in the kind of shit place I was in October for some of the reasons I was, wouldn't have turned to knitting to help ease the anxiety I had, wouldn't have made this thing.

Which is not even to mention all of the other parts of my life that would be different, like if I hadn't stayed on tumblr primarily bc of the AH fandom, I never would have connected with some of the wonderful folks I have, my writing would be either in a completely different place or non existent (which rn... lmao) my sense of humor might be wildly different to what it is and I might not have connected with my best friend the way that I have. He introduced me to bands that have forever shaped the way I listen to music. I went to my first concert bc of him. Would we have the relationship we have if the way I joked wasn't shaped by AH? Like the list goes on.

Honestly who would I be today if I had never heard Michael yell "swiss fucking cheese" and immediately watched other stuff he had done? Again, not even to get into what effect it's had on my mental health like... There were points where my only reason for not killing myself was so I could at least see whatever video was coming up. Which is ridiculous in a lot of ways but also even if it's something small hold on to it you know? And I'm so fucking grateful for that. It helped get me far enough to my childhood best friend coming back into my life one particular night when it wasn't enough, which is some timing I'll forever wonder about.

I just... Who would I be? Would I be at all? Shit, would I be a wildly more successful version of me instead? I don't know. I think I'm happy though, where I am. Happier than I used to be, at least. I think that counts for something. I'm not where I want to be but at least I'm not where I used to be, etc.

Anyway I really went on and on didn't I? This started as me wanting to make a joke about my first shawl pattern being Rimmy Tim colors, and then I just started thinking things. The world is weird. Life is weird. I am honestly glad to still be here though. And I think that's good.

[ma-gic-gay]

"Did you kill my brother?"

"What are you talking about, Jason?" Sonny asks his business partner who's clearly found out the truth.

"AJ. Did you kill him?"

"It's complicated-"

"No it's not. Either you pulled the trigger and let out the shot that killed my brother or you didn't, Sonny. I need to know what you did."

"Ava, she-"

"I didn't ask what Ava did, Sonny, I asked what you did. So just tell me already, did you shoot him with the bullet that killed him?"

"Yes. I did, I shot him because Ava made me think that he was the one who killed Connie. She told me that he'd killed her and I was mad. God, I was so mad that I killed him. Ava, she encouraged it, and I shot him because I thought I was avenging Connie's death."

"I can't believe you," Jason snarls at his mentor. "You thought I was dead! I died trying to protect you, and this is the thanks I get? You push my brother to drink again after my grieving mother calls him home because she needs one of her kids alive. He bonded with Michael! He was a part of my family again and you shot him. You killed AJ and didn't tell me for years. I found out about it because of Cyrus!"

"What the hell is Cyrus doing contacting you with that information?" Sonny asks, confused and upset. "And how the hell did he find out?"

"He sent me a tape with the audio of AJ's death, Sonny. I hate that man more than you could believe, trust me. But you hid this from me for years! I've been back so long and you hide from me that you're AJ's killer," Jason shouts, hands running through his hair.

"So did Carly!" Sonny weakly defends himself and he sees that the fire blazing in Jason's eyes softens slightly.

"This isn't about what Carly did! She didn't pull the trigger! She might not have told me that, but at least she didn't kill him. At least there's that. But you? I can't forgive you. You destroyed my mother. Monica, she needed to know one of her kids was okay and then the one that is, you just have to kill him too? Seems to be a pattern of yours, doesn't it?"

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"You kill AJ and the reason everyone thought I was dead was because of you too, because I was trying to protect you. Kristina's been in a car bombing, Michael got shot, Avery was conceived on my brother's grave, Joss lives her life with bodyguards constantly around her, Dev died, Dante got shot- by you!- should I go on? That's just your kids and AJ, not even half of the stuff you've done. Should I go on?" Jason asks, shouting at him now.

"I know you're upset that Sam left you, Jason, but there are better ways to cope with it then by screaming at me," the shorter of the pair attempts to rationalize.

"Upset? Sonny, Sam left and she took my kids with her. Trust me, that doesn't cover the half of what I'm feeling right now. But I'm fine without Sam here, you know what I'm not fine with? You, who is supposed to be my friend, killing my brother and hiding that from me for so long." Jason fires back.

"Don't take this out on me, Jason," Sonny says, trying to impact this conversation somehow.

"What would you do if I'd done something like this to you, Sonny? I covered your ass so many times, I did everything you didn't want to do or couldn't do. Hell, you're only not still calling Carly a worthless slut because of me so don't you for a second act like my anger isn't justified. I raised your kids when you couldn't. When you were having a major life evaluation, I went to prison to protect your kid. While you were upset and angry, I was comforting your wife! I stood by you through everything, Sonny. Everything! I've got a right to anger, a right to being mad at you, and a right to downright hate you right now!" Jason shouts loudly.

"And I'm grateful for that!" Sonny shouts back. "But you're not listening and you're blaming everything on me when I'm not the only one to blame."

"You're the only one who pulled the trigger. Whatever Carly did, she would never do that to me or Michael," Jason reminds him.

"She helped me cover it up for months," Sonny tells him.

"To save your sorry ass so Michael wouldn't have to deal with more bad things! Her not telling the cops that you killed him, and lying to Michael about it, that was for him. Don't think for a minute it's because you're some amazing person because you're a killer of innocent men!"

"Don't you dare defend her and trash me in the same sentence! I did it to protect you, Jason!"

"Does she think I know?" Jason asks.

"Yes," Sonny admits. "I didn't want you to come back and get bombarded with bad news."

"I quit. I don't need your protection, I never have and I never will. You, on the other hand, might need some from me."

At that, Jason storms out of the office and drives over to the Corinthos home, where Carly is. He's got to find out why she did what she did.

He lets himself in and she smiles when she sees him at first, but quickly registers that he's emotionally conflicted. "What happened, Jason? Are you okay?" The blonde asks, rushing over to check him out. "You don't feel hot, so you're not sick. What's wrong?"

"Did you help hide it from me that Sonny killed AJ?" He asks her quickly when they're seated on the couch.

Confused, she says, "No. He said you knew, that he'd told you."

Jason sighs, his head in his hands. "I didn't. In fact, I just found out that he did that a few minutes ago when Cyrus sent me the recording of his death."

Frowning, Carly envelopes him in a hug. "Jason, I'm so sorry. If I had known, I would've made him tell you or told you myself. God, I'm so stupid! I should've known never to trust Sonny when it comes to this stuff."

"You thought I knew and I wouldn't have a reaction? For years, Carly, all I had for a family was you and Michael and Sonny. He killed my brother. You thought I'd just be fine with it?" Jason asks his best friend, hurt. "For someone who prides herself on knowing me, you really don't if that's what you think."

"He told me you were mad, told me you were processing! I didn't bring it up because I didn't want to watch you as your heart broke," Carly tells him, tears flooding her eyes but her far too stubborn to let them fall. "When we thought you were dead, I almost died, Jason. I was going to pull a Carly, I swear to God, and lose it at an inconvenient time. I know I should've been the one to tell you, I know, but I couldn't stand to watch you while you found out such terrible news. Sonny had me thinking you knew already so I thought there was no point to me telling you anyways."

"Believing what he says about me always seems to mess with you, doesn't it?" Jason asks, a small frown on his lips still.

"Yeah, it does," Carly agrees and the two sit there for a few moments in silence, reminiscing about the past. Before their lives were so complicated, when all that mattered was staying out of jail, each other, and Michael. "It always ends up fucking me over."

"That it does," he agrees, smiling softly.

"What are you smiling about? You just got terrible, earth shattering news, Sam and the kids left, and I ended up lying to you for two years. Why are you smiling?" Carly asks.

"Thinking about the what if's of life," he responds. "What it'd be like if not for that night."

"I made several offers for us to leave the country with Michael," Carly reminds him, chuckling. "Mainly after you came home, but still. You and I, we were in such a real life love and we had everything right. Except timing. When you were ready to confront your feelings for me, after an excruciatingly long period of time, I had slept with Sonny. When I had continually told you mine, you weren't ready to deal with it yet. Timing's a bitch."

"If we left the country, you wouldn't have Morgan, or Joss, or Donna," Jason reminds her.

"And you never would've met Sam, or had Danny, or Scout," she counters. "You think we would've worked out, had we done that, had I not slept with Sonny?"

"If I'd let us, probably," Jason admits after pondering it for a moment. "It would've been hard, but I think we would've. Provided, of course, neither of us backed out."

"You were the one who couldn't deal with it," Carly teases him.

"Yeah," Jason agrees, "I couldn't. Maybe what I felt was too strong or something, I don't know."

"Hey Jason?" She asks him a few minutes later, them both in their own worlds, thinking about what if's and their past.

"What?" He asks her, smiling slightly. His eyes give him away, blue and full of so much emotion in so many different forms.

She doesn't respond with words, just kisses him. Their lips intertwine and all feels right with the world for a moment as they're kissing.

But all good things must come to an end and they pull away. "That was-"

"Unexpected," Jason finishes, smiling at her. "Good unexpected."

"Glad we can agree. What's this mean for us?" She asks.

Instead of answering, he initiates a second kiss, a slightly more passionate one but roughly the same.

"Correction," Carly asks when they pull away, "what's that mean?"

"I don't know," he admits. "I don't know everything. I know that felt right, but you're married and I'm single."

"How do we keep ending up in this situation?" Carly asks, laughing. "First with AJ, then Sonny- our first marriage, when I was in love with you for half of it. And now, again."

"You get married too often," he smirks at her. "That's how."

"Well, maybe the third time of this is a charm," Carly smiles back. "It's an expression for a reason, after all."

Jason considers it for a minute. "God help me I'm going along with a Carly plan," he smiles.

"God help us both," Carly smiles before kissing him again.

I just watched you go through all the stages of grief. You ok???