#for months perhaps years at a time……
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There is one other sad dad monster (possibly) man from vg who is also totally up my alley writing-wise but I have so little headspace available w/coop as a solo muse lol
#.ooc ( dani is an asshole )#I am SO BAD at ever writing more than one muse at a time#I’m sure there’s no deeper reason I get my hooks this deep in one particular thing and cannot think of anything else#for months perhaps years at a time……#sometimes tho I just love a character and find them interesting but don’t actually have muse for yknow?
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I know this is just a silly bad quality random screencap of a screencap that I found on facebook lol, BUT it's a succinct enough image to easily describe the concept in a quick/accessible way hopefully :
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(and of course, feel free to elaborate in tags, etc.! (especially elaborating about other senses as well.. can you "hear" in your mind just as well as you can "see"? taste? etc.) It's an interesting topic to me, as someone who's like a 4.5 at MOST lol. I'm curious what option will be the most common :0c )
#tumblr polls#hrmm... a little poll perhaps.. about a subject I find interesting.. since this image came across my facebook today#still really not feeling that well. no longer shaking violently and such but I still feel weird and weak much more than usual#They did say my markers for like infection or inflammation were elevated but that they werent sure of the cause so hopefully#it's nothing too serious. they did also say a lot of different things can cause that thing to be higher than normal but didn't go into spec#fics of what. maybe some of them are relatively benign or something. I still havent felt much back to normal since#I got really sick that one time though. I feel fine on and off but then little bouts of feeling weird and sick happen. hrmmm#ANYWAY.. looking for small ways to be productive. such as little doodles on evil ipad or editing game videos#or posting polls or cat pictures or some other like not very labor intensive things#I WISH I COULD FOCUS on writing HHRGGhh... I need to finish my game.. it would be so freeing.. a project that's been looming#over my head for like 5 years even though througouht that 5yrs I've probably spent a total of 3 months working on it lo.. ANYWAY#I still partially really cannot beleive that people CAN see stuff in their heads. There's always part of me that's thinking like. well mayb#e everyone DOES see the same exact thing but we just describe/conceptualize it so differently that we think we're talking about#different things when we're really not. But I have been assured by people I've talked to about it that they can GENUINELY really see#stuff in their heads like as vivid as an actual picture in real life or something. And the other senses are neat too. Like for exmaple I#can hear in my head much better than I can see imagery. I still CANNOT hear vividly like as if I were listening to actual music out loud..#but I think it's developed more than my sight. AND interesting how this varies the creative process. a friend I was talking to on the phone#said they write by literally just watching stuff play before them like a movie. where my process is COMPLETELY different. AND that affects#the content/what details we focus on as well as our individual styles of writing have differences that can be traced back to that.. hrmm
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unfortunately the parasites have gotten to me and i Need to write byler again . wish me luck
#with free time i do not have actually#im supposed to be writing 4 pages abt the food industry and kts relation to death#so um . i cant rlt afford to think abt them and yet#rifling thru my wips from a year ago as we speak#do i go for funny or sad or perhaps both#if anyone has any suggestions 🙂#/moon#byler#also after like 6 months of being uninspired#literally what happened
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🏳️🌈🌟 Happy Pride :^) 🌟🏳️🌈
#guardians of the galaxy#marvel's guardians of the galaxy#gotg game#peter quill#rocket raccoon#gamora zen whoberi#drax the destroyer#groot#nikki gold#adam warlock#mantis#universe: eidos game#my art tag#hiii i am still drawing im just stressed to DEATH#but i managed to finish this before pride month ended YIPPEE!!! happy pride month friends#i was going to draw this differently but the end of the month crept up on me and i didnt have time for something more detailed#perhaps next year... i wanted to include more characters but. u know. i wanted to have kammy with a flag strapped to her back but ALAS#but! the team at pride nonetheless 🏳️🌈 yeehaw and all that
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ok but what if we got a scene of Sophie telling someone she could feel herself cracking
she'd witnessed too much violence
maybe she's had less of a problem attacking people
maybe she's killed someone (Gisela?)
she can feel the cracks in her mind
#kotlc#keeper of the lost cities#sophie foster#the idea that sophie will crack or lose her sanity has so much potential#she won't let fitz in her mind#maybe she starts to act like brant#giggling at inopportune times and not being fully there#how would they help her sanity if she's the only that can do it#would keefe use his abilities#or would sophie piece herself together bit by bit#and it would be a month later that she's awake#maybe a year for some drama#cause like somebody has to kill gisela#but if it's anyone except sophie there's no stakes#at the end of the day she can just heal them#jinx (arcane) sophie perhaps#sophie and brant parallels haunt me#SOPHIE PULLING HER HAIR OUT WHEN SHE LOSES HER SANITY#BECAUSE OF HER TRICHOTILLOMANIA
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Something I've been thinking a lot about lately is how everyone thought Egon had gone insane. What Happened that made them think that. They've fought a gigantic Stay Puft Marshmellow Man TWICE (counting the 2009 video game because iirc it's canon? Correct me if I'm wrong), fought an interdimensional god, fought a blood thirsty ruler that killed thousands and was hated by all that was trapped in a painting (and managed to get in to beat him by making THE STATUE OF LIBERTY start walking down the street with slime that reacted purely based on vibes), found an underground abandoned transit system full of the moodslime, had a bathtub try to eat Dana and her baby, fought a giant murderous black widow lady, fought the fisherman ghost who turned an entire hotel floor into the bottom of a ocean, and that's not even mentioning them getting trapped on an island that randomly raised up from underwater that had been abandoned for decades created by Ivor Shandor who worshipped Gozer. So what did he do or say that made everyone else think he'd gone insane?? All I can think is maybe he was acting strange / eratic before, but he's always been like that to some degree.
I don't know. It's something that I've been thinking about. The correct answer is 'it's not that deep and they needed a reason that the others weren't together anymore and weren't aware of Egons death or know what was going on,' but also. What Was He Saying that prompted everyone, including Ray, to think he lost his mind when he'd been right almost every time before that.
I'm genuinely so curious as to what he was up to before this. What was he doing. What insane idea was working on prior to this or was he even working on anything at all??
Also want to clarify this post isn't negative 😭 I really love the newer movies and their lore / the newer storyline / characters, I just like thinking about small stupid things like this. Gives me something to think about / speculate about / figure out an answer to.
#ghostbusters#egon spengler#nikolas posts#I have so many thoughts on it because I've just been rewatching the two movies on loop for the past few days.#All we got was Ray saying that he'd started talking about the end of the world (IIRC) and that he went insane and took everything#when he eventually left to deal with it on his own#which for the record it's extremely impressive that he would've stopped Gozer from returning BY HIMSELF. The only reason it hadn't worked#was because of the electricity issue#Hiding all the traps and setting up the proton packs to fire at the hell pit?? Insanity. He's just on a complete different level of existin#Like they were aware of Ivor Shandor and his plans long before??? They found his ISLAND DEDICATED TO GOZER who had full intention of#BRINGING THEM BACK#it's really Really REALLY not this deep but I have thoughts and I wanted to share them. Maybe someone else might have an idea I#couldn't think of or might have something to add.#I guess it could be a 'they beat Gozer once and assumed they were gone' but that wasn't the first time Gozer 'died' so??#if I missed something Please tell me. I haven't watched the newer movies as much as the older ones (I grew up watching them / playing#the game so I'm more familiar with the older lore and haven't had the chance to rewatch the newer ones 1000 times over unfortunately)#so it's entirely possible I missed something#I'd think maybe it was just because they were older but I really don't think thats the case. I have reasoning for it but I need to do#the math to make sure I'm getting the ages right by the time AfterLife happens.#really need to make a chart / timeline of all the events that happened and what year / month / day they happened. That's a project#for tomorrow perhaps.#anyways if anyones reading this sorry for the insane rambling and congrats for making it to the end#also this post isn't negative I adore the newer movies so much. I love them a lot and I genuinely don't really care about this at all#just a thing to think / ponder / speculate about if that makes sense#I enjoy thinking about stupid irrelevant stuff like this#so so so many thoughts
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I’m allowed one (1) vent of the colossal amounts of pressure my body and mind are under per month and i usually do my best to bury it in the early hours of the morning, so now that i’ve provided this valuable and important context:
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
#my stuff#i need to be beaten to death i need to be eaten alive i need to be slashed and stabbed and burned to ash#nothing i do will ever EVER be enough to make up for the existential guilt that gnaws at my soul#i’m hungry i’m tired i’m stressed about work and the safety and well-being of my family and friends#i miss my goddamn ex over a year after the end of a 6 month relationship like a pathetic wretch#i will never be pretty the way i wanted to be as a child and can only make myself enough of a freak that i don’t care#i want to be brutally harmed so the flesh of my body will show a fraction of the damage i feel inside#these wounds do not heal no matter how much i try to treat them with friendship and food and music and life#it is all insufficient. i was not supposed to live this long.#i try every day to be kind and to make the world a better place so that maybe just maybe i can say i earned the right to live that day#it never feels like enough. it probly never will#i’m so angry i’m so sad i feel incurable lonely no matter how much time i spend with friends#as soon as the call is over or i head home the darkness washes right back in and i feel like an abandoned cat on the roadside again#i want everything to be okay. It’s not right now#i want everyone i love to be warm to be safe to have enough to eat but I AM NOT GOD#i can’t fix everything no matter how much it makes me writhe inside#i’m a broke fucking grad student with a useless fucking project and they should bury me alive in the field research camp#perhaps a vegetable would cause less despair
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re: the last post i reblogged bc i am realizing just how much i yapped in the tags and i do not wish to subject the wider tumblr public to that rant LMAO
#copying the tags bc it is very much a tag rant#bros. truly it has been nothing but a wonderful time here#perhaps even the most enjoyable time i have ever had in a fandom despite being here for like 3 months tops#(bc i'm actually posting stuff and interacting with people for once but i digress)#but i cannot deny. being part of a smaller quieter fandom after coming from some of the larger ones on here has me scratching at the walls#guy on the left was me in september where everything was new to me and i had all this wonderful fanwork to go through. autism heaven#guy on the right. me rn. please do not ask me how many times i have refreshed the tags on both here and ao3. it's ungodly#has me doing things like (on top of actually interacting with people) rereading fics. long ones. which i have done before. twice?#out of many years of reading#i've hunted down nice long fics older than me (also never done before) (because none of my other fandoms are older than me but still)#[edit nvm i remembered there was exactly one fandom i've dipped my toes in that is also older than me so ive definitely read some fics#from there that were Aged. didnt hunt those down tho it just happened. edit over]#but i've put off reading them bc like. what if they don't get them like we do yknow. what if they write something and it's Wrong#perhaps a terrible thing to think of them because what i can tell their writing is very high quality but still..#every day i consider rereading welcome to the panopticon on ao3 and one day the demons will take over and i will be reading all 88k words#once more. among other fics#congrats to these guys they truly have consumed me and i fear it is terminal#kit yap session
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Messes - 3-
Hopps - @ickyguts teehee
#happy tree friends#htf#htf be brave#htf geshtu#htf hopps#hopptu#they are both so clueless#this is probably only a few months into Geshtu becoming a regular at the bar#also alcohol makes Geshtu more likely to engage in bein a little silly™️#but he has developed a fondness for this mortal informant#he has been learning much about the modern day civilization though…very informative#he’s missed so much while in hiding#perhaps this is why Theia sent him here#he’s not complaining of course#he’s worked hard for 66 million years it’s about time he got to take it easy from time to time#the defenses are breaking down
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still a hardcore believer in the "totk was absolute development hell" theory btw, even if I know it will never be confirmed or denied, but all the signs are there honestly
#thoughts#totk#totk critical#when will my brain return from the imprisoning war...#the fact that it does not take 6 years to make a game like this#that they used the covid excuse (the game industry took like a month to adapt tops)#that the game was postponed eight billion times#that there are very clear signs that there was a pretty brutal rewrite at some point#that no writers/quest designers are credited??? as far I can tell????#and also and that's... kind of impossible to prove or to pinpoint or rationally explain#but this game feels like burnout to me#it tastes like hollowed gamedev soul who switched off their enthusiasm and went “content mode” just to push through the finish line#OH YES also the lack of dlc#I have a hard time believing they have nothing they could potentially add if they wanted to --and maybe they just don't want to#it just... feels like exhaustion packaged around a genuinely brilliant feature#hoping its brightness would camouflage the thinness of everything else#again perhaps I'm projecting but the game *feels* deeply familiar to me in that way
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GUESS WHO GOT ACCEPTED ONTO WELFARE THIS MORNING YAYYYYY
and my counsellor said she's going to get me onto a waitlist for low-income housing in town and i'll have priority over non-indigenous folks bc of my Metis status LETS FUCKING GOOOOO HUGE WIN
i am hoping to come back here relatively soon, but also we're entering the holiday season which is Rough for me so ,,, we shall see LOL. theres my update though! i hope everyones doing okay :]
#hesitantly hopeful about things for the first time in literal years !!!#perhaps this all might be possible after all :'''D#i am going to try to draw some celebration art or smth for this bc this is so huge fdsjkl i've been working towards this for like 5 yrs#SOOOO GLAD. i have INCOME AGAIN. i will not be BLEEDING MONEY ANYMORE. MY SAVINGS WILL STOP ABSOLUTELY TANKING!#i will be able to afford proper food again YAYYYYY. i can maybe buy a few full price items again.... HUGE WIN#god it feels so good to like. have a source of income fdsjkl i feel like a massive weight has been lifted off my shoulders omfg#it'll be just enough to cover rent (that my parents charge lmao) and food and bus fare for the month#with a little bit leftover so hopefully i can tuck some of it away here and there. and perhaps even buy like... art supplies again omg#i feel like the whole world has opened up to me HFSDGJKL this is so exciting actually woagh....#SORRY FOR RAMBLING OOPS. UHM. ANYWAYS. I MEANT TO JUST UPDATE YALL QUICKLY AND GOT CARRIED AWAY#OKAY I'LL SKEDADDLE NOW LOL BYEEE HEART-HANDS AT YOU ALL !!! (i dont have the emoji handy HFSJKL)#dandy.cmd
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Final two ArtFights!
Red (otherfireangel)
Suzuni Yukai (pikapillow)
#artfight#draws#the pale warlock ESPECIALLY i wasn't sure if i liked how he was turning out while working on him#but then i posted and came back a week later and was like#huh. that's cool.#yay for making art and having time & space to let it sit#interestingly i ended up putting out two angels and two cowboys this season#AND initially set a goal of 6 (with an ideal of 10 to match last year) BUT THEN ended at 12#huzzah!#ah july. where i do my entire drawings output for the year 🙃#(hopefully not this year!) (perhaps you will find more things to stimulate the painting gland in the last five months)
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So that poll about how long you've gone without sleep I just rebloged and ranted in the tags about my experience with sleep depervation has me thinking about how sleep deprivation is literally torture. How you're body physically starts shutting down how you die after 12 days. And I can't help but wonder how close to that I was. I was losing time hours and days of it. I couldn't add 2 plus 2. I don't remember any hallucinations but I know they happen after 36 hours so they certainly were happening. I think I can forgive myself my foolishness given those circumstances
#Oversharing on the internet times#sleep deprivation#That one time my therapist psychologically tortured me for 8 months#Tw:torture#Tw:psychological torture#Tw:abuse of power#Tw:sleep deprivation#......hey do we think she was trying to kill me#Bc like she induced this state on purpose#And I frequently came back to myself wandering the streets in the bad part of town in the middle of night#And just in general given the sleep deprivation will kill you thing#Perhaps I should ask my parents how often they came and got me that year#I know it happened regularly and that it literally saved my life bc that's the only time I slept#Literally I would fall asleep as soon as I got into their car and I would wake back up a half hour from school#Thank every god that they were able to I'd be dead otherwise
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.
#is it normal that everyone feels sad and lonely most of the time#i cant imagine it being anything else#even when im surrounded by people or at events i feel disconnected#and is everyone just faking it or do they really love making plans going out#idk why im so nonfunctional it feels like whether or not i start feeling bad when i go out is 50/50#and i tried to join as many things as possible in my earlier years of college but i think it only succeeded in distracting me#and making me tired and sleep deprived and i felt like i was too shallowly involved in each thing bc i was spread too thin#but now ive quit almost everything and im just sad. i get jealous when people have plans and when they have friends. when they just go out#its just so tiring and all i ever want to do is lay in bed. but if i stay in bed i feel sad and guilty about missing out and wasting my life#everything stresses me out so easily. i cant play games bc i get anxious. ordering drinks in front of others makes me anxious. anything new#and i fear my anxiety gotten worse this year for just zero reason#im so tired im never getting better. next year my bf is travelling for over a month and im stuck in classes and busy and job hunting#and about to graduate#and i just know im going to be so lonely and so stressed and so depressed#it just kind of feels like i’ve tried so hard for years to be happier and cope with things healthier but i haven’t gotten anywhere.#perhaps im even worse now because i don’t even draw or consume any media anymore. i just barely work (and struggle the whole time) and sleep#my rambles
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Broke up with my boyfriend of a year and a half. Does anyone have anything to tell me
#idk what im looking for. perhaps a sign of sorts#almost a year and a half. it would have been 3 days away#i feel like ive made this post before but we rekindled at the time. that was 2 months ago#personal
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mutuals send me the strength to get through tomorrow
#the situation is#i pass as a guy about 95% of the time#60% once i speak#i needa start correcting people at school before they get the idea in their heads that i'm a girl#but its FUCKING SCARY#ive genuinely never corrected anyone ever#bc before starting at this school monday i've only ever been out iwith family (too scared)#and at work with other employees or customers (too scared + one-time interaction or low stakes interaction)#whereas school. thats not 6 hours a week thats a lot mroe#fuucck#scary shit#i ahve a stomach ache just at the thought#i was meant to bring up hrt at the doctors a few months ago as a secondary thing at an appointment but i didnt#but now. for next week i have an appoinment where its the primary focus#still unlikely considering the whole process yadayada and most of all parental consent from BOTH. 😒#and my dad is. a 'bit' of a prick#but if he hasn't made any progress by next month. well. perhaps it's time to look elsewhere#anyway fingers crossed for hrt which ive wanted for the past two and a half (three?) years 😔 but i can't rely on that#so i just need to correct peoplenow. quickly. while im still new#ueguh
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