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constellationcrowned · 6 days ago

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((Honestly I'm still hoping to see the Tigla-Dera scenes with Kariom in them rather than Roui being his memory stand in.))

#;;ooc: mun muttering #for a variety of reasons obviously #also I yearn for Kariom colored half portraits (like the one's attached to dialogue boxes #and not just because they're easier to frame for icons lol #ok back to the og post; it'd really help with lore framing!! it would definitely be different and intriguing and---#....also yes.... cutscenes.#also the scene is super interesting bc if it's Kariom's pov I bet he saw Milosh rather than a sahash he didn't know but still resembled him #my last tag borked apparently; I'm talking about the black and white cutscene that leads to the Slough section #because *Milosh* being taken away by goblins into the Slough is equally symbolic as it when happening to Kariom #....ok now I have to spoiler tag bc I'm getting way too into this #the crown of leaves spoilers #the crown of leaves chapter 1 act 3 spoilers

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serpentface · 5 days ago

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What's the Wardi cultural take on Akoshos sleeping with/partnering with/marrying other Akoshos?

It's not highly regulated to a degree that there are overwhelming cultural norms about it. There's a lot of societal focus on akoshos being theoretically suitable sexual partners for both men and women due to being dual-gendered, but not to an extent that relationships with One Another are stigmatized.

They also largely get to escape from the most severe concerns about penetrator/penetrated power dynamics because they're not regarded as Men (they're regarded as dual-gendered, and they're a female social class on every practical level), there's no status of manhood to Lose by receiving sexual penetration. The only real thing you see in that department is people assuming that one acts as 'the man' and one acts as 'the woman', but this is largely due to preoccupation with a notion of sex being Penetration With A Penis (and that Penetration With A Penis means that one person is in a Man's Role and one person is in a Woman's Role). But this will not be regarded as unnatural as in same-gender male relations, akoshos will Have to take up a position in this sexual dichotomy if they want to have Real Sex (Penetration With A Penis) with each other, and this is not unnatural and doesn't involve gaining or losing status since they are simultaneously male and female, not men.

So like you might see individual culture critics finding stuff to nitpick about it as their annoyance of the week or a singular Guy here or there who thinks it's weird, but this isn't a widespread norm. The vast majority of people don't give a shit about akoshos having sex with each other. The worst thing you're likely to experience Solely by virtue of being in an akoshos-akoshos relationship is someone asking you (probably with genuine curiosity) which one does the man stuff and which one does the woman stuff.

Akoshos also don't experience Hard expectations for marriage (though there are societal pressures that make marriage an attractive safety net all the same, ESPECIALLY marriage to a man) so unofficial life-partnerships between akoshos are pretty much the Only same gender partnerships between unwed people that are going to go unquestioned. ((Sworn brotherhood is technically a same gender life partnership for men that is Functionally similar to marriage (in that it's a kin-making practice between unrelated adults), but the tradition is Built upon the assumption that both parties will be married to women and that a primary goal of this kinship is to provide security for both parties' wives and children)). Marriage obligations in general are more lax in the economically secure but not Wealthy lower mercantile classes (as obligations to support and perpetuate one's family are universal, but these obligations can be filled simply by having at least One son who can get hitched, and marriages in the lower classes have no political functions and therefore there's less reason to ensure All your children are wed (there's still incentives like dowry, but this is not desperately needed when a family is economically secure)). So akoshos in this class group tend to have a Lot more freedom in terms of their life arrangements and chosen partners (though still experience the limiting frameworks of structural misogyny in other capacities).

The only thing that is out of the picture is akoshos/akoshos marriage. Marriage in this society has a predominantly reproductive function, the concept of reproductively non-viable marriages is generally considered absurd. This is not JUST this culture's form of homophobia, as marriage is a very practical arrangement at its core - both in a reproductive capacity and as bedrock for the patriarchal blood-kinship family system that forms the core social unit. The idea of same gender marriage isn't just absurd because 'ewwww weird' it's like, that Cannot work within this system, it Cannot fill core functions of what a marriage intends to do here, the ways on which marriage and kinship are BUILT makes same gender marriage practically (rather than just socially) untenable.

The sole exception to the 'marriage = reproductively viable" rule is that akoshos can be married to men (which in practice is almost always as a remarriage after a man has secured At Least an heir). This has a Little bit of internal logic here in that they perform predominantly female social roles (thus are suited to being a wife, even if they can't bear children) (and also on practical levels of them having the same legal status as women) but it's really more of a 'this is just how it's always been' kind of thing. A lot of the older pre-Wardi identity dual-gender roles that got mashed together under the 'akoshos' name would have involved marriage to a man as a second wife/concubine, in addition to his primary wife who would bear his children. Men potentially having multiple spouses has not been retained as a cultural practice, but the notion that an akoshos Can be a wife to a man has survived into modern day legal and doctrinal practices around marriage.

So like this being said, marriage as it is legally defined is only between a man and a woman, a man and an akoshos, or a woman and an akoshos. In practice the latter two are comparatively VERY rare- a man/akoshos marriage cannot provide children (though an akoshos can practically fulfill all other obligations and duties of a wife), a woman/akoshos marriage Can provide children (and while akoshos cannot function as a male heir, these children Will take their akoshos-parent's family name (though the wife retains her father's family name)), but akoshos are legally grouped with women in terms of rights and privileges (including being permanently under legal domain of their father unless they have been legally handed off to a male husband) and Cannot provide hard power patriarchal support that this family system is built upon and therefore depends upon, which makes these marriages socio-economically insecure. They can obviously still be a good partner and parent, but this is not the same as having the Legal hard power of a patriarch.

Akoshos marrying each other would be reproductively and socially nonviable, and is treated as a similarly absurd concept to a man marrying a man or a woman marrying a woman. It's just not a part of the marriage and kinship framework, it's not a thing that you can Do.

#Akoshos are also probably like.... 1-2% of the population. Like its an Accepted gendered space but not a large one so it's less #'managed' in a lot of senses #It's actually kind of hard to 'access' the akoshos space to begin with. Like parents look for Signs In Early Childhood and most #akoshos are typically assigned their gender early.#If you don't manage to access this space there's a good chance of being Stuck as a man with any deviance from your expected #gender roles being the HIGHLY unaccepted 'male effeminacy' which is a VERY different concept than (though obviously has tensions With)#being akoshos. A lot of akoshos self-label as adults after losing support from their families in part for being '''effeminate men'''#(this is also kind of the only instance in which gender self-identification occurs on a basis that will be Broadly accepted. Though #this happens in the context of already being detached from one's familial support network and people not knowing you self-assigned)#There are also certainly Some cases where akoshos self-identify as adults and this is accepted by their fathers. For a variety #of reasons but unfortunately often it's going to be like-#'we must have missed something but whatever. glad our kid is actually supposed to be this way and isn't just effeminate'#Also much less likely to be accepted if they're an expected male heir without brothers to take up the role in their stead #And VERY unlikely in upper classes where family members are public figures. If you've been introduced as a man here you're probably #out of luck.#(Like you'll see accusations that adult-assigned akoshos are just pretending in order to disguise being male effeminates)#This position isn't freedom from gender norms or like. The equivalent of an accepted trans identity. It's its own assigned gender #space in an Expanded but strict binary with expanded but strict roles #Also the societal trends over centuries are showing signs of increasing collapse between the notions of 'effeminate man' (bad)#and 'akoshos' (normal). At this point the concepts are still very separate but the current societal trajectory is leaning towards the #akoshos role being phased out of its normalization (in tandem with Wardi culture becoming more intensely patriarchal with #the collapse of Wardi groups into one identity)#Like 600 years ago there was NOT a concept of 'effeminate man' and proto-akoshos roles were a #more central concept that enveloped divergences from expected masculinity. Whereas now the akoshos space is significantly narrower #and the concept of 'effeminate man' exists in tandem as a stigmatized descriptor. And things have gotten to the point of #people claiming that ''effeminate men'' will 'pretend' to be akoshos #The akoshos identity becoming stigmatized/phased out isn't inevitable but the tensions around it are definitely growing #Though there's also a sense that Peak Patriarchy has been hit and you're starting to see people pushing back at these norms in fairly #notable ways. There's not going to be like. A feminist revolution but civilian women getting more political freedoms (while the overall #context stays patriarchal) is a likely outcome which could also have side benefits of relaxing masculinity standards Somewhat

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queerbauten · 22 days ago

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the “missing the point” meme except it’s for the Interstella 5555 rerelease, and the point being missed is “of course the notoriously shambolic anime industry is using AI to upscale a film; Daft Punk were almost certainly unaware (or, at the very least, unable to do anything about it); none of this would be surprising if you were paying attention to the actual issues with AI and labour” in favour of “I can’t believe Daft Punk would use AI :(“

#Daft Punk #Interstella 5555 #discourse of the fandom variety #yes obviously the (alleged) use of AI in restoring the film is bad for multiple reasons #but people have *got* to stop acting like Daft Punk themselves used the AI #when realistically I wouldn’t be surprised if they weren’t made aware of it at all #(and tbh I wouldn’t be surprised if they didn’t know the obvious-to-us signs of AI use)#TL:DR: you should be getting angry about the exploitation of labour in the anime industry #not blaming DaPu for something they—again—might not have known about #text heavy

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nonasemporium · 10 months ago

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you know we talk about the weird relationship and implications between harrow and ortus and how they considered pairing them up anyway, but one of their huge points of contention was it would fuck up a cav line, but you know who else was there and who else they probably considered pairing with him--and might have even been planning to force if not for harrow's intervention--to have jock babies for sacrifice? gideon.

and I think this haunts ortus.

#I think ortus has EXTREME issues and trauma around children and childhood and family #I mean obviously he does #but g-d #I can even see crux seeing it as gideon's duty to the ninth #I can see Ortus avoiding her more than he should bc he can't stomach what they want of them eventually #I see him hanging onto that Harrow does not want it to happen #and Harrow does in fact work on dismissing all of it for a variety of reasons thank the body #but the way that must have made him SICK #ortus nigenad #gideon nav #tlt

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jojotichakorn · 4 months ago

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why would you remind us man... i miss them too though 🥺

#pond naravit #honestly this kind of trope is something i occasionally eat up but there are many reasons why it wouldn't work for nlmg #some just kind of... aesthetically speaking frankly #i always think about how ice in the warp effect who goes from 13 to like 20/21 doesn't really work #maybe part of the perception is the fact that i know what phuwin now looks like at 21 and that his babyface is gone #but visually it's hard to imagine nueng especially being like 23 there or whatever #it simply doesn't look like time passed #which is like a big part of that trope tbh #and at the end of the day im obviously also happy they didnt end up separated for five years #i think nueng barging in three months later is so much better for a variety of reasons

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regallibellbright · 1 year ago

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I am of the firm opinion that, until EXPLICITLY proven otherwise by canon, Kingdom Hearts Court Magician Donald Duck spent most of his childhood and adolescence traveling across the worlds on adventures with his Uncle Scrooge, and that's where he learned magic.

This is also where he discovered a lot of magical items, not to mention all the ones SCROOGE found, so honestly Donald doesn't even bother to keep track of all the treasures in the Duck Family's possession, no one does really, not even SCROOGE knows, he'll go digging one up because he needs one for a specific purpose/adventure and in the process he'll unearth like five similar ones he just plain forgot about.

Obviously Scrooge continued adventuring while Donald was off being a Musketeer, including at least one use of Zettaflare that is forever engraved in Goofy and Mickey's memories but for Donald was just in his bottom quarter of all-time adventure rankings, and obviously Scrooge continued finding fantastical treasures that he may or may not know the significance of. There's at least one magical sword that's currently being used at the Bistro as a knife because it never loses its edge.

What I'm saying is Scrooge McDuck is a Keyblade wielder and you cannot convince me otherwise. A weapon that can also open any chest is INVALUABLE to an adventurer like him, are you kidding? When he retired from adventuring in favor of being a full-time entrepreneur he just chucked it in the bin with everything else. Probably he managed to find one of the Foretellers' old Keyblades lying around or something. It'd just figure. No one told HIM he was needed for a war between light and darkness for the fate of all the worlds! Donald never tells him where he's been these days!

While I laid out this proposition to a friend on Discord, she agreed and added that Webby should get a Keyblade too.

Conclusion:

This is the current wielder of Ira's Keyblade. Scrooge had it lying around for a decade in some attic somewhere, Webby thought the unicorn was cool, and Scrooge figured, hey! Every child should have a good set of lockpicks for treasure chests and a means of self-defense, and it's not as though he's using it for anything important!

When Donald finds this out, he will be disappointed, but not surprised.

#kingdom hearts #eye contact #scopophobia #just gonna be on the safe side because that is a good Webby Stare right there.#Ducktales 2017 #ducktales #webby vanderquack #scrooge mcduck #donald duck #I know this will never happen for a variety of reasons starting with the fact that it would require a Disney character #who has not previously been relevant to BECOME relevant to the metaplot AND introduce a new one at that. Not likely.#plus then you get into the fact that 2017 Scrooge is a different continuity and design than 1987 Ducktales Scrooge or subsequent appearance #not to mention the voice actor differences (They could've gotten Tennant in 3 but didn't and Enn Reitel isn't trying to be him OR Young)#so using Webby (which they won't) would mean a character who should for design continuity be using her 1987 look and characterization #to go along with Scrooge and the boys but for 'why would Disney ever do this EXCEPT Brand Synergy' should obviously be 2017 #and like any kind of mixing and matching of the designs and voices would be odd even if Webby hasn't been established in KH #so there's no need to try and imitate Russi Taylor's very distinctive Duck Voice but at the same time it would just be ODD #like. Never gonna happen. Especially not to have a FORETELLER'S Keyblade particularly now that they're back in play.#but I think it would be funny as hell and so it is canon in my heart.#besides between the Xion-Roxas-Sora Can Dual Wield Even In 3 thing and whatever's going on with Keyblade Inheritance in 3 #with regards to Terra and Aqua's Keyblades and heirs (and whoever you argue Terranort's using they are also there at the Graveyard)#(like whether it's Terra's-that's-Sora's or Terra's or Xehanort's we've got LW there we've got Sora we've got Xehanort)#the only conclusions I can draw are either that Keyblades naturally duplicate themselves with a few plot-specific exceptions #or that Keyblades are susceptible to at least two different forms of item duplication glitch one of which involves time travel #meaning it is entirely possible for Scrooge and Webby to have Ira's Keyblade and Ira to ALSO have Ira's Keyblade #because time travel was probably involved if nothing else and time travel can allow for Keyblade Duplication Glitches #(no seriously try to explain how Roxas Xion and Sora all use a Keyblade at once in 3 WITHOUT at least one instance of duplication.)#(and this is assuming some convoluted 'Roxas inherited Ven's and Xion inherited Sora's and Roxas bequeathed her Sora's' in Days)#(so that there is technically no duping in Days but then with Sora and Ven ALSO running around in 3... like.)#(I'm pretty sure Saix is getting beat up with 4-5 copies of a single Keyblade that has been repeatedly duplication glitched is my point.)

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simptasia · 7 months ago

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being gay or a lesbian doesn't shut down the reproductive organs, y'all lining up with 90s era homophobes with your "Gay People Don't Breed" bullshit

#plenty of gay ppl have created people either via science #or the old fashioned way heh. because i promise you. that is possible #sometimes a gay person fucks the gender they're not into (for a variety of reasons) and accidents happen #or! sometimes a gay person will do this on purpose to create kids #i'm the result of a lesbian picking the most attractive man she knew to breed with. to get the best results #and obviously [flutters eyelashes] that worked #anyways. can y'all like. Think. for longer than a sentence #theres a variety of experiences in this world #i promise you that straight people (and bi people people) arent the only ones having kids biologically

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zedif-y · 2 years ago

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fuck it . reblog this and put in the tags who your favorite youtuber/streamer is and why . i'll start (you can give more than one)

feel free to ramble!! i'm curious!

#ryan's screaming #ur answers dont Have to be mcyt related but this is a mcyt blog so :p #mcyt #mcytblr #hermitcraft #trafficblr #okay okay so.#my favorites are impulse and zedaph . tango to an extent as well but i admit impulse and zed are my favorites by a mile #i cant fully articulate why i love impulse so much because its really a whole variety of reasons #his videos/content in general just have such a calming effect on me man #i love how he interacts with people and he has such a nice voice and it genuinely makes me so happy when he creates something awesome #like yeah!! yeah be proud!! thats fucking awesome!#scar and skizz have mentioned this too but the fact that hes a good leader . the fact that he looks out for other people the fact that hes-#-a genuinely good guy .#i hope this isnt weird KLJDSGHKJSDG #im just... i know i dont Really know him . obviously i dont know him on a personal level . but the fact that the people who Do and are-#-around him have such good things to say...#and not just that his work ethic makes me actually insane . dude is on a GRIND and he works hard and it shows!! it really does!#he said himself he reads every comment he gets and when he runs out he reads SKIZZ'S COMMENTS #he cares so much about the content he puts out and that care SHOWS. IT BLEEDS INTO HIS WORK. I LOVE IMPULSESV!!!!!#and like. ive already rambled about zedaph #but i really really really seriously think hes so underrated #because man. MAN you can see the hard work as well #hes so clever. hes so witty . hes creative as HELL #his videos are unlike anything ive ever seen and ive never watched a zedaph video and NOT laughed #like how does he come up with this ?!?!?#not to mention the care he puts into zedcraft . i may not be a part of it but??? THE MONTHLY EVENTS??#his editing is AMAZING too #and THE MERCH. THE MERCH!! like yes i know its not like he crafted and designed all of his merch by hand . like dot drew the create cube-#-and the olympzits was designed and built by the zedcraft community

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chickenmcnuggies · 1 year ago

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woag. golems

#sprites #modding #ironically. the base golem is my least favorite #the inferno golem i like the magma i did on it #but the ice and wood golems im very happy with #i didn't even know wood golems were a thing in BD and that's bc 'wood golem' is only an enemy in the BD2 demo #it's model is reused for a group of enemies in the full game and the specific texture is reused for 'woody' but #i saw there was a wood golem of any variety and was like 'oh that's sick what if i give each of the vanilla races their own type'#with wood for elves obviously. rock for humans. inferno for goblins. and ice for dwarves #at least ideally. for some reason animal entity tokens wont actually give dwarves the ice golem #every other race's animal token works great. just not dwarves #so ice golems are just a common domestic instead #close enough #the wood golems im trying to make an actually tough plant type enemy so elves have a lot of fire power in sieges #so far they're pretty tough! turns out making them made of A Lot of tissue layers makes them a lot more durable

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everybodyknows-everybodydies · 1 year ago

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"how to spot AI art" post mentioning a thing that I do. tell the computers to stop that. some of us have silly stylistic preferences :(

#Mouse talks!#I'm definitely not the only real person who does blush across the cheeks/nose/ears obviously it just threw my whole groove off #seeing this post like 'also AI art usually puts a blush across the middle of the face for SOME reason 🙄'#idk why the computers are doing it but *I'M* doing it bc I think it's cute and like the bit of life it adds that's all 😭#nose/cheeks/ears/major joints. this usually just shows up as knuckles but shoulders and elbows and knees all count too #adds some variety to the skin!!!!#there's blood under there!!!#*usually just knuckles bc I'm not often exposing a lot of skin I mean

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shoechoe · 1 year ago

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man i am glad i didn't get the tumblr layout update

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oswaldddavis · 1 year ago

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(They think the other is a idiot)

#asktotag #sonic exe #xhouse #((No idea how to explain we have like way too many interpretations and spoofs of the guy))#((Like I could ramble about the ''Master File & Distributions'' or ''Spoof'' variants but honestly talk so much I end up saying nonsense?))#((Main reason why my art seems to have no context is because I literally voice chat and ramble for 4-6 hours))#((Essentially about the newest hyperfixated multiverse we've created-))#((-for our far to energetic ideas for us to narrow down & ''choose'' one because there's no singular correct interpretation of art))#((There's far too many variables to consider one universe as the most canon so obviously we have to branch from every possible angle-))#((-and end up with at least 30 of the same character but in different flavours))#((NOT ACCOUNTING FOR THE FACT THAT IT'S ADDICTING TO MAKE SPOOFS FROM JUST ONE INTERACTION TO SEE WHERE THEY GO))#((Like. There's so much potential in the morality and development of a character based off of one or more events-))#((-that derail from their original situations! ENVIRONMENTS & SITUATIONS SHAPE SO MUCH FOR A PERSON & I HAVE TO SEE EVERY POSSIBLE ANGLE.))#((Sorry for the rant/ramble here-))#((-I never usually have the confidence to express how much I love making things.))#((I tend to bury my thoughts and say so little cause I usually think no one would be interested or would think I'm annoying for it))#((Sometimes you hear voices say the most stupid take & feel so enraged by its obsurdity that you temporarily lose your social anxiety))#((It'll probably return eventually because the moment I post this I can guarantee it will cause it's happened before. I am not immune.))#((Unrelated but I like having a variety of papers to draw on again. I can't share much yet due to conceptuals but Soon!!))

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rotisseries · 2 years ago

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thinking about loz byler au again (breath of the wild specifically rn) and my brain keeps going "oooh the party as the champions" bc it sounds like it works out PERFECTLY there are 6 people in the party there's 6 champions if we count link and zelda, who are obviously mike and will, and then I remember that this would mean 4 of them have to be dead for like. the entirety of the main plot

#and other issues #like anyway the way I'm thinking about this is max=urbosa lucas=revali dustin=daruk el=mipha #it wouldn't be a direct one to one thing obviously. for a variety of reasons #idk like it sounds good on instinct and then I start thinking about the specifics of it and get confused idk I wish I could solve problems #bc like. details related to each specific champion and whatnot. like. urbosa knew zelda's mom. that can't work #and then like. who would be the champion's successors then?#I think el in mipha's position would work pretty well actually which is making me want to fit #the rest of the party in the other roles but it doesn't work the same. well actually no lucas and dustin are fine #probably bc revali and daruk are each Just Some Guy #whereas urbosa and mipha are characters who have actual history with link and zelda #and therefore more details in the lore that you have to work around #ok the issue is mostly max as urbosa and then the things with the champion's successors #like. mipha has a little brother. el does not. and I mean it could be any family member theoretically but that's kind of confusing for el #IDKKK #I'm thinking about this too hard bc its not like I'm gonna do anything with it #I should think about the skyward sword loz au instead that one's easier #only questions you have to answer there are who gets to be groose and who's impa #I can't figure those out either #loz byler

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the-cat-at-the-theatre-door · 2 years ago

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Thinking about Deuteronomy again, being that first point of contact for most cats in being welcomed into their family, newborns and new additions alike, but I'm thinking specifically about cats who were perhaps born into their group, left, and *then* came back, and how those are usually situations where Deuteronomy can sort of...tell if they'll be back when they do leave. He can't say anything about it, but he knows. Cats who know him very well can almost catch the expression that indicates one way or the other when he's informed of their leaving if he believes they'll be back. And - outside of the occasional anomaly - he's usually right about it.

He remembers, distantly, holding a little grey queenkit in his arms during one of his visits years and years ago, fresh faced and lovely, thinking: "This one will do big things" - not great things, not even potentially successful things, but big things nonetheless. He remembers a whisper of her little voice filled with confidence fading suddenly into silence; remembers thinking he hoped she would eventually find whatever it was she couldn't here, that she would find her way back when it was time, carefully avoiding the even stare of her mother as he passed her back.

And when he holds that little grey queen in his arms decades later, just when he thought he'd been wrong, only a little bigger, the sharp curves of her bones jutting from her fur, face so much older now, he sees that little one again, and smiles. Murmurs: "Welcome home", before he passes her onto the stars, hoping she finds her way back again to make up for lost time.

#i think deuteronomy also heavily feels the difference #between cats who need to leave and never come back - and that' a grieving process all in it's own #and cats who leave but...shouldn't have felt like they needed to and he shoulders that as a responsibility of his own #even though he knows he has no control over how other cat's feel or live their lives...he still feels that as a failure on his part #maybe i didn't give them what they needed - i hope they find it #anyway this is grizabella obviously #Old Deuteronomy #Grizabella #my headcanons #not ship and not meant to be read as she's his child either #so please don't tag as such #like when macavity left deuteronomy knew without a shadow of a doubt he was never coming back #for a variety of reasons but one of them being that soon after he was born he started getting....a feeling #that he really hoped would be wrong but like i said dee is very rarely wrong

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dilutedapplejuice · 1 year ago

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Tw: none

I live in my head a lot!

In the early years of my life (before high school) I was pretty oblivious. I spent a lot of time alone with my special interests (reading fantasy books, then later watching anime), escaping into fictional worlds for most of the day. I spent some time with friends at school, but I frequently forgot to make plans outside of school with them- and I liked it that way. I didn’t have lots of extra time or energy for socializing and opted to spend it alone in my head.

Near high school I developed some intense social anxiety and chose to spend more of my time and energy on social things. I went to therapy without knowing about my autism and learned to mask in many ways, one of which being hiding and repressing my special interests.

I lost interest in anime by sophomore year. Still, I am not built for constant social stressors. Rather than becoming outgoing and spending all my time with friends, I had moved to spending all my time on tumblr and YouTube while dealing with near-constant exhaustion and guilt from both social and academic stressors.

Junior year, I decided to give myself a break. I took easier classes and spent less time with friends. I developed a special interest in Kingdom Hearts and happily pursued it (even though it meant slightly ghosting I my friends for a few weeks). I found a much better way to live, even if it wasn’t conventional.

Now I know I’m autistic. I realize how suppressing my special interests harm my self-image and general mental health. I know that I still suffer the repercussions, despite only masking that part of myself for around a year.

But I also learned that it’s not good to live inside my head all the time. High school did help me a lot. I made closer friends who accept me for who I am. I became more informed about social justice and deconstructing the own stigma I’ve internalized. I’ve thought more about what my future will be like. I had to get out of my shell to do those things.

Now these two sides of myself coexist; I live in my head, but I relate to the world around me in my own way. It’s all in moderation Most autistic people DO need help with skill-building; even level ones like me. I got support even before my diagnosis. It wasn’t entirely the right kind of support but it helped me discover myself a bit more.

#actually autistic #autism rambles #Obviously I am only speaking for my own experiences #Many autistic people are perfectly content to not build social skills or mask and that’s super cool /gen #It’s just been helpful for me for a variety of reasons #Like I have this idea that I’m going to do some amazing stuff for the world #And just help people in general #But I can’t exactly do that if I’m stuck in my head…#y’know?#A lso my definition of “in my head” might be different from other people’s lol #I mean like escapism

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awordwasthebeginning · 2 years ago

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#this wasn't prompted by anything so don't worry #i've just been thinking about it from time to time #i think it might be helpful for me (and maybe for others too) to separate fandom and activism #not in the sense of 'oh but i watch [show] because it has great queer/poc/... rep! i'm doing my part'#but more in the sense of #'this book/film/show has problematic aspects and so does the fandom. but it is a hobby and does not define my political views'#because it doesn't and it shouldn't #being a fan of something means that i enjoy it. and others may not enjoy it for a variety of reasons some of which political.#that does not mean that our separate views of the thing define how we interact with each other outside of fandom #or how we approach (political) issues in real life #(obviously it depends. jkr making a fuckton of money for her transphobic agenda with hp merch should be reason enough not to buy her shit)#but generally...most fandoms do not have that much of an impact on real life. and so it should be ok to sometimes enjoy a thing #without constantly justifying my enjoyment to myself and/or to others. without constantly questioning it.#because i know that my actual political activism with irl impact goes in the right direction #and if you feel like your fandom experience defines your activism/is what your political views are being judged for #maybe you should find a second hobby; engage in actual activism if it makes you feel better.#because that will have a positive impact on society/the world; unlike apologising to like 47 people for uncritically enjoying something #(again. it depends. if a friend was really hurt by how [issue] was represented in a medium - I wouldn't gush about how much I loved it #or try to downplay it. maybe we won't make that medium part of our friendship then. and keep it in mind.#but i cannot keep my life 100% pure and unproblematic. that's impossible. and again. fandom is not how i shape the world. it shouldn't be.)#loquor #tdl #probably

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