#for a reciprocal prank war

[thepenguisalive7]

shenanigans!

It’s so big pfft

[megwritesriddles]

First Time for Everything ༊*·˚

18+ MDNI !!!

Pairing: Josh Futturman x F! Reader / You

Summary: Kinktober 2024 Day 8 - Pet Play. Josh is useless when it comes to women, so when his new coworker starts coming onto him very strongly, he's sure she must have an ulterior motive. Which she does, but not what he's expecting.

Tags: Pet play (not extreme), P in V, Protected sex, Oral sex (f receiving), Collar, Leash, Calling Josh puppy, Praise kink, Whimpering, Sub!Josh, Dom!Reader, Loser!Josh (obviously), Fluff, Josh is so excited to get laid it's crazy, Set before events of the show.

Word count: 3.9k

Read it on ao3! | Masterlist

Authors note: This is probably the most out there kink I'll ever write, hopefully there is actually an audience for this in the Future Man fandom lol!! Vaguely inspired by the muzzle scene but there's no muzzling in this sorry!! Hope you like it anyway mwah ( ◕◡◕)っ ♡

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Josh had never been good with girls. He knew it, everyone at the lab knew it, everyone at the game store knew it, hell, even his parents were aware how inept he was. It was humiliating, and it really didn’t help his chances with girls, to have them know he’s a loser before they even get to meet him, not that it wasn’t plainly obvious from his demeanour anyway. That’s why it’s so baffling to everyone in his life when you show up. You start as an intern at Kronish Laboratories, fresh out of college. He immediately finds you pretty, but he’s overheard the others telling you about him. He’s a loser, he’s probably a creep, he still lives with his parents at 23, do you want to grab a coffee sometime? All the other men at the facility are immediately flirting with you, so he just writes you off as someone to admire from afar. Until you make it a mission to insert yourself into his life, for whatever reason. 

“Hey Josh,” you’ll greet him with a flirtatious tone in the staff room as you grab coffees for your superiors. He never gets used to it, waving back awkwardly. You just giggle and rest a hand on his arm. He’s sure this is all a prank being played against him. There is this odd predatory gleam in your eyes now and then as you talk to him. It’s like you want to chew him up and spit him out, and at this point, he might let you. Every suggestive remark you make drives him to the brink of insanity, his imagination becoming filled with all the things you suggest. His masturbatory fantasies become grounded in reality rather than Biotic Wars thanks to you. He even brags to his friends, keeping a lipstick mark from you on his cheek all day just so he could go show it off at the game store after work. You come sit by him in the cafeteria sometimes, talking to him and openly flirting with him. He so wishes he could flirt back, sweep you off your feet but he just can’t get the words out. Yet, despite all his pathetic responses, stumbling words and lack of reciprocation, you keep pressing. Being more and more forward with him every day, leaving him dizzy.

You sit across the table from him, tracing your fingers up and down his arm, sipping your favourite smoothie. He stares down at the table, eating silently, his eyes occasionally flickering to your fingers on his arm. He looks like he’s uncomfortable, and he is, but he loves it too and is glad that you don’t back off. He just needs some time, he’s really not used to this and you’re so beautiful. You tell him idly about one of the lab workers who has been very demanding, lamenting your position as intern. 

“At least you’re not scrubbing toilets,” he laughs nervously. You purse your lips.

“Yeah, I suppose, you’re very resilient for doing what you do Josh,” you smile flirtatiously, tracing your fingers over his palm. The sensation tickles slightly and his fingers twitch. You know you’re laying it on a little thick, but Josh is so starved for this that he just smiles dopily.

“N-no, I mean, anyone could do it,”

“No… It takes a special, strong man, I think,” you grin, leaning a little closer. Flattery gets you everywhere with him, he bites the inside of his cheek to prevent himself from saying something embarrassing. “You said something about your parents going away this weekend?” you urge, drawing circles on his wrist. 

“Uh… yeah, they’re off to visit some friends of theirs,” he answers nervously. He still finds it odd that you casually bring up him living with his parents without a shred of judgement. 

“I can come over then?” you suggest. His mouth falls open.

“Uh… what?”

“I can come over?” you bat your lashes enticingly. 

“Yeah… I… why would you want-? But yeah definitely,” he stumbles over his words, blushing and feeling his brain buzzing. God he really needs to clean up, and take all his posters of Tiger down and–.

“Perfect, I have something fun for us to do,” you grin, winking. His entire body reacts, blood feeling hot. “I have a little present for you too,” you smile, reaching over the table to trace a finger down his neck. He doesn’t understand your implication, but his brain is conjuring millions of images. 

“A present?” he swallows. “Why?” You lean over the table, pressing your lips to his ear. His whole body jolts. 

“Because you’ve been a good boy, haven’t you?” you purr, nipping his earlobe. Josh feels crazy in this moment, he has to be dreaming, but that nip on his ear felt real and oh god. “Haven’t you?”

“Y-yeah, I’m a good boy,” he answers without thinking. He waits for you to mock him, for this to have been his trap, the motivation behind your flirting to finally reveal itself. He expects you to reveal a recording device, to play the audio of him saying he’s a good boy for everyone at work to hear, to completely humiliate him. But you don’t, you just kiss below his ear and stand up from the table.

“Saturday at 5?” you suggest, unable to keep the smirk off your face. He nods, eyes wide and dumbstruck. “You’ll pay for dinner, we’ll order something in,” you tell him, finishing off your smoothie with a slurp of the straw. He just nods again like he’s in a trance. You smile. “Perfect, see you later Josh,” you blow a kiss and leave the cafeteria. Josh swallows, pinching his arm to check he’s even alive anymore. You want to come to his house, you want to be alone together. You called him a good boy. He wasn’t good at this stuff, but even he knew that it seemed like he was getting laid this saturday. He didn’t want to assume, in case it made things awkward. That evening after work, he discussed with his buddies at the game shop, even getting a female perspective. He left out that you’d called him a good boy, but even without that, they all agreed he was getting laid. He was so excited, smiling for the rest of the week, a spring in his step that wasn’t usually there. He was getting laid, by you.

He spends the days until Saturday getting ready, praying he’s not getting ahead of himself. He goes into town, picking up some condoms, a bunch of takeout menus for all the best places, some nice plain boxers and a nice smelling candle. At home, he does furious reddit research on sex advice, tidies away all of his Tiger stuff and tries his best to make his bedroom look like a respectable adult man's room, rather than that of a man with the interests of a teenager. He knows you know about his video game addiction, his friend Ray having embarrassed him in front of you for it many times, but he’s still determined to seem a little less pathetic than he is. His parents ask a million questions about what he’s up to before they go, but he avoids the questions, knowing they’d be asking to meet you if they knew what was going on, and he couldn’t face that humiliation and come out alive. At work, you continue to flirt with him, continue to touch his arms and occasionally sneak kisses onto his cheeks. He’s coiled tight like a bowstring, practically vibrating with excitement. In just 24 hours, he thinks as he says goodbye to you on friday evening (or rather you say bye to him and he just squeaks and blushes), the two of you might be having sex. He lays out a nice outfit for himself when he gets home, ready for tomorrow. His parents are already gone, the house is silent and his thoughts echo your name. 

He can barely sleep, tossing and turning and tugging himself off periodically. He is desperate not to cum too early with you tomorrow, although he’s done extensive research on how to please you anyway in case it happens. In the morning, he changes his sheets, using the fancy sheets usually kept for the guest room. What his parents don’t know can’t hurt them, he’ll wash them and return them to the linen closet before they get back. He showers, scrubbing himself furiously, using every nice-smelling thing he can get his hands on. He trims his pubic hair, he wanted to shave, but it was too risky, so he carefully trims, tongue sticking out between his teeth as he focuses intensely. He lets his hair dry without brushing it down, making it curl up a little. He remembers that you told him once that you liked his hair like this. He slathers on deodorant and cologne desperately, already starting to sweat with nerves. He does a final sweep of his room to make sure there is nothing embarrassing visible, lighting the candle to make it smell nice and to build atmosphere. Then, he sits, anxious as anything by the front door. His brain churns with a million different scenarios, anxiety settling in his gut and making him nauseous. What if he’s done all this and he’s misread everything and you’re not going to have sex? It would be fine, he wasn’t going to pressure you or anything, but he has gotten himself all worked up and would feel pretty devastated. He’ll just enjoy your company, and whatever happens will happen, he tells himself. 

You’re at the door. You’re early. He sprints to the door, opening it in seconds. His mouth is dry, you’re wearing a beautiful and very… short dress. He swallows, tearing his eyes away from your thighs. You hold a little bag in your hands, smiling seductively. 

“Hey handsome,” you purr, stepping past him into the house, letting yourself in. His eyes follow you, dumbstruck. 

“Uh… hey,”

“Where’s your room?” you ask, glancing around the family home, spotting a few baby pictures of Josh that you’d want to have a look at later. 

“Oh… uh okay… straight there?” he chuckles, wringing his hands nervously, sweating dripping down his forehead. He leads you up the stairs to his room on shaky legs, standing by the door and taking a deep breath. He prayed to God that he’d made his room look okay. He opens the door and lets you in in front of him, which ends up being a mistake as he gets a view of your ass that makes him half-hard already. He swallows. The room smells more pleasant than usual, the candlelight illuminating the room warmly.

“Sit,” you command him, pointing to his bed. He scrambles to do what you say, kicking the door shut behind him and stumbling to the bed, sitting on the edge and looking up at you, breathing hard. You smile. 

“Good boy,” you coo, making him shiver. You walk over and sit yourself on his lap, wrapping one arm around his shoulders. His eyes are wide and filled with awe, his hands hovering, unsure where to put them. All his research has left his mind and he just feels like a complete loser, but you’re on his lap and looking happy, and that’s all that matters. It doesn’t even occur to him that you can feel him half-hard against your thigh but the knowledge makes you smirk. “I had something to discuss with you,” you begin. 

“Errr… right, o-okay,” he tries his best to smile casually. 

“You see… I have a little problem,” you start, running your hand up and down his chest. He nods along, though he’s more focused on your hand on his chest, feeling his shaky breaths. You pout down at him. “I have this… kink… that no one will indulge me with, that I think you might be able to help with,” he lets out a throaty noise as you say this, completely caught off guard.

“I’ll do it,” he answers quickly, not wanting to miss this opportunity, whatever it was. You giggle.

“You don’t even know what it is yet,” you point out, gently poking the tip of his nose. He shrugs.

“Anything, I’ll do,” 

“Hear me out first okay?” you pout, tracing up and down his neck. He nods, although he already knows he’ll agree to whatever this is unless it’s illegal or something. He’s just so desperate to get laid, especially by you. “So… you like it when I call you a good boy, right?”

“Yeah, I’m a good boy,” he exhales, trying to lean up to kiss you. You push him back. You can tell he’s not really listening to you, so you pull out the little box from your bag. He half watches, half stares in awe at your face. You open the box to reveal a leather collar and a matching leash. When he realises what he’s looking at, his brows shoot up. “You uh… want to collar me?”

“Yeah,” you purr, nuzzling his jawline. “I want you to be an obedient little puppy for me,” His mind spins, he hadn’t been expecting this from you. Sure, he knew you were confident and seemed to like to be in charge, but he’s still taken by surprise. You pick up the collar gently, running your fingers over the leather, he watches. “May I?” you ask, holding it up to his neck.

“O-okay,” he whispers, staring up at you. You secure the collar around his neck, making sure it’s not too tight. He finds the feeling odd, but also pleasant. 

“There, now you belong to me,” you smile. Oh, he likes the sound of that, belonging to you.

“You’re my owner,” he breathes.

“Exactly, puppy,” you coo, kissing his cheek. He looks up at you in awe. Why does he like that so much? Being called puppy? He knew he was into the whole ‘good boy’ thing from his late nights on the internet, but this was new. Yet he was finding himself quite into it. You secure the leash onto his collar, tugging gently so his face is closer to yours. You grin.

“You’re not uh… gonna walk me around in public on all fours are you?” he asks nervously. You chuckle and shake your head. 

“No, I’m only really mildly into this puppy play stuff, people get pretty crazy with it, but I’m tamer than you think,” you assure, kissing his lips for the first time, tugging him closer using the leash. He whines into the kiss, kissing you back desperately, his hands finally settling on your waist. He kisses you eagerly, pressing his tongue into your mouth and letting it explore. The slight pressure from the collar on the back of his neck as you pull him close feels surprisingly nice, a grounding reminder that you’re in control here. You kiss for a little while before things start to escalate. He watches in awe as you strip down for him, telling him to stay put and not touch. He takes in every inch of your body with enthusiasm, sitting on his hands to keep from reaching for you. You command him to strip down too and he nervously does. He stands in his boxers for a while, wondering if you might compliment them since they’re new. You tilt your head and urge him on and he inwardly curses, realising you’d have no idea they were new and he must have looked silly just now. He stands in front of you in all his glory, cock at full attention. “You look lovely, pup, now kneel for me,” he blushes and shakily lowers to his knees, looking up at you wide-eyed.

“Is this good?” he asks shyly. 

“Yes, very,” you come to sit down on the edge of his bed, he shuffles to turn to look at you as you tug on his lead. You spread your legs and he whimpers, cock twitching. His only experience was fingering a girl in the dark back in high school, so he’s never seen a cunt up close and in the light like this. You tug him forward by the least until he is right up against you, his shaky breaths washing over you. He’s staring wide-eyed at the space between your legs and you giggle. “Puppies like to lick, don’t they?” you tease. He moans and looks up at you through his lashes. 

“Oh God… Can I?” he pants. You just tug on his leash, pulling his face against your centre. He whines, the smell of your arousal making him lightheaded. He looks up at you and slowly starts to lick.

“Good boy…” you sigh, leaning back on your free hand, the other wrapped tight in the leash, keeping him in place. “Very good puppy,” he whines at your praises, his tongue moving faster against you. He’s sloppy, lapping at you like he’s trying to drink you up, practically drooling all over you, moaning in desperation. “Yeah, you like it don’t you pup?” you sigh, lying back against his bed, throwing your legs over his shoulders. He whimpers, continuing his desperate work, slurping wetly at you. The fact he’s pleasing you is driving him wild. He shakes his head into you, trying to get as close as humanly possible. He groans in pleasure as your thighs tighten around his head. He keeps licking at you relentlessly until you’re finally starting to shiver and cry out. He hums in excitement, speeding up his work, feeling the muscles in your thighs go tense around his head. You tug at his leash. “Faster,” he swallows, speeding up his movements as much as he can. He’s practically making out with your cunt, sloppy and desperate, feeling you buck up against his face. He just whines in response. 

Finally, stars explode behind your eyelids and you cry out, your thighs tightening around his head so tight he can barely hear you as your orgasm, but he can hear enough. He stares up at you in awe as you fall apart, continuing to lick at you, drinking your release like the nectar of the gods. You moan, rubbing yourself against his face until sensation is too much. You loosen your grip on the leash, tugging him away. He whines in disappointment, looking up at you. He slowly and shakily licks his lips, savouring the remnants of your taste. He’s painfully hard and you can see it too, his tip all flushed red and leaking pre-cum.

“You were such a good puppy, such a good boy,” you coo breathlessly. “You made me very happy,” he smiles proudly up at you from the floor. “Does my good puppy want a reward?” you ask. He nods excitedly. You tug him up onto his feet and he stumbles excitedly towards you. “You’re so needy, aren’t you puppy?” you taunt, tracing a finger up his length which twitches furiously in response.

“Y-yeah,” he stammers, watching as a drop of his pre-cum drips onto your thigh, sliding down the curve of it. The sight makes him squirm. You turn around, still loosely holding his leash, getting on your knees and elbows on the bed, arching your back to present your cunt to him. You tug him forward by the leash, but he misunderstands your intention, leaning in to desperately lick at you again from this new position, pressing his face against you. You gasp and squirm, your hips stuttering, enjoying it for a second before sharply tugging him away. He whines miserably and you can hear him panting.

“You’re supposed to fuck me, puppy,” you huff breathlessly.

“Oh… heh… okay,” he chuckles sheepishly, cursing inwardly at himself for screwing up. He climbs carefully up onto the bed. You feel his warmth hovering above you and you tug the leash again, forcing his warm chest to hit your back. He exhales shakily, taking a nervous hold of your hips as he positions himself over you. You feel his length, hard and warm against the cleft of your ass. He humps against you for a moment like he can’t help himself, whining in your ear. Another sharp tug to the leash snaps him out of it. He nervously grabs a condom from his nightstand and slides it on with shaky hands. 

“Good idea, puppy, good boy,” you coo and he preens under the praise. He mounts you properly, his tip pressing to your entrance, and you feel his whole body shuddering behind you. You give another tug on the leash and he starts to sink into you. He’s very vocal, whining and groaning in your ear as he settles in. He kneads thoughtlessly at the flesh of your hips and waist, mumbling choked-out sobs of thank you as he twitches within you. You can tell this isn’t going to last long. He starts to hump you tactlessly, blindly chasing his release, whimpering pathetically from the pleasure of your tight heat around him. “Such a needy puppy,” you purr and he whines louder because he is exactly that, he can’t control himself, reduced into a pathetic mess by you. His hips snap against yours at an erratic pace, his face burying into your neck. He’s panting like he’s in heat, desperately placing sloppy open-mouthed kisses against your neck. Everything he read about good sex is out the window as he humps you needily. He gasps shakily, letting out several choked sobs as he approaches climax. He holds you incredibly tight to him, a brief reminder of the physical strength he has over you despite his submission.

“Please, can I? Please,” he sobs. You contemplate trying to make him hold back, but you decide that’s for next time. As soon as you give him the go-ahead he stills, cumming thick ropes into the condom, quivering inside you. He wails in pleasure, body collapsing on top of yours. You tug his leash, making him roll off of you with a soft grunt. You lie side by side for a moment, breathing heavily, the room smelling strongly of sex even over the scented candle. Josh relishes the scent completely, knowing it’s coming from what the two of you did together. You shuffle into his arms, softly unhooking the leash from the collar and setting it aside. You trace the collar on his neck.

“How was that? Being my puppy?” you ask gently. He stares up at you, eyes hazy.

“Y-yeah, amazing… wow…” his arm curves around your back, pulling you gently to him, needing some touch right now. You wrap an arm around him in return and peck his lips.

“Wanna do it again sometime?”

“Please, yeah,” he chuckles, smiling dopily at you. 

“I always got the vibe from you that you’d like this kind of thing,” you smile, revealing why you’ve been inserting yourself so thoroughly into his life. “A perfect puppy all for me,” 

“I didn’t even know it about myself, but I… really did… I’ll be your puppy any day,” he admits with a little flush. You nuzzle your nose against his. He chuckles, enjoying the genuine affection from you, something he’s been completely starved of. 

“So, I seem to remember that food is on you?” you tease. 

“Not literally right? Like some sort of food kink?” he asks, fingers twitching against your back. You laugh.

“No, in a very regular way, I promise,” you soothe, rubbing his chest. He laughs.

“I can never really know with you, it seems,”

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xoxoxo

[ghxstyfae]

Innocence ☆ Colby Brock Request

Warnings: smut, mdni, 18+, blahblahblah, brothers best friend trope, drugged (viagra), colbys a perv, manipulation, corruption kink, daddy kink, virgin/very innocent reader, no use of "y/n", petnames (baby, babygirl, sweetheart, princess)

-> Link to Request <-

Taglist: @leftcollectiongardener @xxsecretscenekidxx @poison-me-daddy75 @lemonnightmare @jinlingsonlyaunt @itzdarling

It was just a mini prank war. Colby grew actual grass in Sams bedroom carpet while he was away with Kat, and Sam just slipped him viagra half way through their overnight haunted hotel trip.

It was just you, Sam, and Colby. The Bethins Hotel was infamous for its incredibly haunted third floor, specifically the room 307, which naturally Sam and Colby had booked.

They had also booked room 204, planning on doing rock-paper-scissors to figure out which of the boys were going to have to sleep in the haunted room.

You had always had a little crush on Colby. He was your older brothers best friend and you had grown up around him. You would never say anything about your crush, you were sure ut wouldnt be reciprocated. You were oblivious to all the flirty remarks he had made about you, or all the times he would stare at you across the room.

It felt wrong to him, he should see you as a little sister, the same way he sees Sam as an older brother, but he just couldnt. You were too pure, too sweet, too pretty. He wanted to have you all to himself, but he would always rationalize that Sam would never approve.

Colby always knew about your crush, it obvious to him. You were always shy and blushing in his presence, eyes darting to find him when he walked into a room, he saw it all.

The investigation started smoothly. They were getting direct communication from a spirit, and everything was turning out great. They had investigated a few hotspots plus room 307 before Colby started feeling the effects.

They were deciding to take a little break, order food, and hang out in 204 until they were ready to go to the banquet hall. Colby had popped a boner when you came out of the shower, wearing short shorts and a huge black and pink xplr zipup, with nothing but a tiny sportbra underneath.

He had tried to take care of himself in the bathroom like a gentleman but of course it wouldnt go away, every stroke just turning him on more, and when you knocked on the door to make sure he was okay after hearing his quiet pants and groans, he knew he was fucked.

He had realized the headache medication Sam gave him earlier wasnt headache medication and cursed him out before devising a plan. If Sam was comfortable upping the prank war to the point of drugging him, surely he'd considered the consequences would be Colby fucking his beautiful little sister.

"Aw im good Baby, thanks" the petname slipped out unintentionally as he opened the door, and he chuckled when you squirmed a little. "Was just taking care of a little 'somethin" he kept his tone suggestive and smirked as you stumbled over an unnecessary apology and scurried back over to the couch you had been sitting on.

"Maybe next time you should help me out babygirl" he spoke smoothly as he sat too close for a friend to you on the couch.

"W-what do you mean?"

"Come on babe, you know exactly what i mean your a very smart girl. You had to have realized that ive liked you too princess."

Dumbfounded, you just gape at him for a second with furrowed brows. "What about Sam."

"Dont worry about him, this is just us sweetheart." Everything he said was smooth and convincing, the constant petnames making you blush more by the second.

As you were about to respond, trying to come out with some response, the door handled raddled signaling Sam was back. Colby got up to greet him and help bring the food out, staring at you every chance he got. You were sitting quietly with your eyes pinned to the floor when Sam brought you your food and sat on the single chair diagonal to you.

"You okay?" Colby asked in a false questioning tone as he brought his food to sit beside you. You jumped a tad, startled out of your thoughts.

"Mhm. Just thinking..."

By the end of the investigation, Sam was forced to sleep in the haunted room while you and Colby got the safety of 204. You and Colby.

The thought left a bit of an imprint on your mind. He seemed so sure earlier, giving you small glances past the camera, comforting you from the back when you felt your hair get pulled. Was he going to make a move tonight? You felt a mixture of anxiousness and excitness coil up in your stomach.

Later that night, you were laying on your designated bed. Sam just left for his room and Colby had been a complete gentlemen, he was in the bathroom now and it was late, part of you was thinking what happener earlier to be imaginary. Had your delusions made it all up merely hours ago?

You quickly realized you hadnt when colby came out in just his sweatpants, slightly damp hair, and sat right beside you on bed. You were curled to the side watching tiktok and he spooned behind you.

"You've liked me for a little bit huh baby?"

You didnt know how to respond, putting your phone down in the night table and turning to face him, only realizing your mistake after you noticed how he was looking at you.

You nodded nervously, mumbling out a shaky "mhm" that made Colby chuckle.

"You know, ive liked you too" he got closer, his face more easily seen through the dim lighting. He ducked his face closer to your neck to whisper in your ear. "Wouldve never said anything in Sam didnt basically give me permission" he was stretching the truth on that one. Sam definitely did not give him explicit permission, but Colby would deal with the consequences of that later.

"What? He did that?" Colby smirked, she sounded so hopeful and desperate.

"Of course babygirl, told him how much i liked you, wanted to take care of you, he gave me his blessing. We're good baby."

Sure it was a little manipulative to fib, but Colby knew you needed that little push. You were so sweet and naive, you grew up always craving approval from those around you, you wouldnt want to dissapoint your brother. If Sam had said it was okay, however, then that wasnt an issue, right?

"You like me?" Your voice was timid, he only responded by kissing your neck and slipping the strap of your tank top down.

Instinct took over your bodies, you leaned into his touch and helped him take of your top. He was already shirtless, and now inching his lips down the valley of your breats to leave soft kisses on any unmarked piece of skin. The kisses became rougher in some spots, leaving what was sure to turn into dark hickies by tommorow morning.

"You want me to fuck you Baby? Want me to ruin you for everyone else?" His hands were all over your body, you could barely speak beyond mumbled pleas.

He took off your pajama shorts and took in your body. You were perfect and he was pissed he hadn't indulged his crush earlier. He brought a calloused hand down to brush just above your clit.

"So fuckin pretty Princess. Gonna treat you the way you need hm?" He slipped his index finger inside easily, your wetness running down his palm.

He added a finger and pumped them inside, keeping his pace slow until a big knot built up in your stomach. Colby whispered sweet, encouraging words into your ears until you let yourself go.

Lifting his finger to his lips he sucked off your cum, moaning as if he had just eaten a delicious meal. Colby left kisses on your tummy and trailed up your breasts again until he could kiss your lips again.

"Gonna let me fuck you pretty girl?" You nodded deliriously, muttering out 'yes please daddy' barely audible for him to hear. He lined himself up and smirked when your hands found his to hold them before he could push himself in. You were just too perfect.

He pushed in slowly, his cock stretching you out and stinging just enough to make you whimper. Colby caught your lips with his as he fully tucked himself away in your cunt. Your brain was going fuzzy from the fullness alone.

After a bit of making out an.d holding hands tightly, Colby could feel you grinding against him. He started moving, pushing himself to the hilt with every slow thrust. Your whines were just encouraging him to keep going slow and steady.

"Colby please." You begged, your words broken up and squeaky.

"You getting impatient baby? Calm down sweetheart, we're going all night"

☆bonus☆

The end of the night Colby and you decided to order food and take another shower together and watch a movie and chat until you fell asleep

Colby is a bit more truthful and tells you about the viagra prank and you get pissed at your brother

The next morning sam came in your room

Saw him naked and you in just his teeshirt and flipped out

Almost killed Colby that second, but was quickly convinced to calm down by the way you were staring daggers at him

"Absolutely not Sam. You think its okay to drug your friends…"

Im so sorry yall i wanted this to be so much better but its just not

[honey-minded-hivemind]

I love the idea of Kurt having a squish on villain reader, it's reciprocated but reader brings a whole "I don't like like you, I don't care about you, I won't wait for you; I bite😠" vibe to their platonic dates and the icecream shop

And Kurt's just like "I love you too, now do you want vanilla or mint chip☺️"

Haha! That's good!

Kurt is the shoulder angel of the platonic squish, while Reader is the shoulder devil of it. Kurt likes Reader, they're like him, with visible mutations and yellow eyes and a good sense of humor! They're just in need of some help and a coming to their senses meeting, that's all! Amd Reader finds Kurt to be not so annoying as the others, but they do wish he'd stop trying to hug them so much! They must appear evil and scary, not huggable and cute! (Good luck telling Kurt that-)

Those two somehow get along, working out in the weirdest way possible. Kurt gets: a cool, protective squish who appears a bit like him and doesn't mind hugging (in secret) and Reader gets: a sweet, lovable squish, who will share food with them and the goodness of his heart (and some mischief, too). They cause a bit of a prank war by accident between the X-Men and Reader's group, which only ends when those two have to team up to stop everyone from throttling each other over someone's hair being dyed bright neon pink-

(Reader gets mint chocolate chip, with extra whip cream, while Kurt gets vanilla with chocolate and caramel sauce with whip cream and a cherry on top!) (Reader gets him cherries after that, a whole bag of his favorite kind)

(Those two share chicken nuggets together and fries- and no one better touch the cake Reader got Kurt, or they're about to get their hair dyed neon green-)

[reesespeanutbutterfuck]

mon ange analogique

long list of headcanons of YJH with an s/o who radiates the same energy as him and reciprocates his evilness

pairing: jeonghan x reader

word count: 3.1k

warnings: VERY SUGGESTIVE, goofy ahhhh writing, fem!reader, reader is implied to be masc and more dominant towards jh lol, established relationship, intentional lowercase, messy keyboard core, cursing, implied smut, mentions of svt members as extras, TOUCHY JEONGHAN, JH AND READER ARE CHAOTIC EVILS

heheheh so you're dating THE yoon jeonghan? good for you

so you alr know this man is annoying but in like, a very charming way

the members totally were on ur side everytime you banter coz they've had enough of jh terrorizing them that they were so glad he finally got a taste of his own medicine

KARMA IS A BITCH

"jEoNgHAnNie, nUgU aEgi?"

ಠ_ʖಠ

tf did u just say

dw he gives you the response you want :D

you once played mafia together in a group, with u as a mafia (unbeknownst to him) and him as a citizen much to his dissapointment

as lovers, of course you instinctively trusted and tagged along with each other

BUT WHAT HE WASN'T EXPECTING IS FOR U TO KILL HIM FIRST

his jaw drops to his feet with the turn of events

BOMBASTIC SIDE EYE, CRIMINAL OFFENSIVE–

HE TRUSTED YOU.

HE ACTUALLY THOUGHT YOU WERE TOGETHER IN THIS HOW COULD YOU

like i said, karma is a bitch

it all came back to bite him in the bum

he knew you were something else, your personality that mirrors his own is very amusing in his eyes, he was enamoured by how you acted

very head-over-heels for you

whenever you bully or prank him, all the times when he pranked his members flash before his eyes as he finally gets a taste of what it's like on the receiving end

he looks at you like you just committed a horrendous crime in front of his eyes

oh you're bullying HIM now? how dare you

of course his competitive ass gets revenge on you afterwards bcs THIS IS WAR

of course your banters and pranks on each other are always lighthearted, he wouldn't do or say anything out of the line purposely to hurt you, and you wouldn't do the same either

however if it somehow happens that you hurt each other, which is a very rare occurence, it would always come to healthy resolve because you both talk it out immediately

you value each other's boundaries

he would pull your wrist and wrap your arm over his waist as he settles you on his chest

"there, there, i'm sorry jagi, i won't do it again." he gazes down on you and gives you a soft smile, his long hair framing his face beautifully

even if he's usually frolic, he knows when to take things seriously

besides, he'll never do anything he knows you wouldn't like (!!!)

humiliation for the sake of pranks is a big NO. that's just horrible

having ideas for dates and what to do while spending time w/ each other were never a problem, considering the fact that both of you have the same hobbies and tastes!

you want to try this ice cream bar downtown? he's been eyeing the same shop too!

he wants to build legos? sure, you're sitting beside him in an instant while reading the instruction manual

you're bored and you want to play chess? he immediately whips out a chessboard

your habits are very similar

he cackled when he found out you also keep plastic knives in your bag

and you like taking care of each other and the ppl around you

everybody loves mom mode jeonghan and fears mom mode y/n

this also results to the both of you thinking the other is prettier than each other

he doesn't just think you're prettier than him, he KNOWS you're prettier than him

whilst you also think he's the prettiest. you would always tell him he's prettier than you

while the members also say all say you're a lot prettier than hannie (in which hannie wholeheartedly agrees on), you're actually equal in terms of this

he will throw himself at your feet if you're fem

but jeonghan also loves it when you express your masc side

he will call you "handsome" if you're masc

you don't have to worry if ever you're insecure about how you're too masc or too fem or both

because he knows what it's like ;)

he believes everyone is free to express themselves

bcs he embraces his feminine side too <3

in conclusion, it doesn't matter if you're masc or fem or BOTH he is in LOVE with YOU

jeonghan is WHIPPED whipped

sometimes he's like a female friend when you're in dates lol this is so fukin cute

he'll clasp your arms together like besties while you're recommending each other skincare products inside the mall

and bribe shopkeepers tgt for discounts while you're at it

he'll ask someone to take your picture while he poses like the female lead in kdramas

he closes his eyes and intertwines your hands and leans his cheek comfortably on your shoulder

it's cute

when he's feeling a little more giddy he either latches on your arm and basically climbs on you to make you his human monkey bar while he howls in laughter

or HE'LL STRAIGHT UP WRAP YOU IN EVERY LIMB OF HIS

you do these to him a lot too LOL

when it's him in the receiving end he welcomes and accepts your coddling you with open arms

he'll even willingly submit to you and offer himself if only you asked

e.g when you suddenly corner him and close all possible distance while backing him against the wall, wrapping your leg around his waist and burying your face on his neck

he isn't even fazed because he's alr used to it he just resumes what he was doing before (like fiddling on his phone) for a few moments before he turns it off and completely focuses on you

instead of being shocked he pulls you even closer with an arm on your back as he smirks in satisfaction

anyway

in public places, you alone can already make men AND women's heads turn

then jh comes in

he's behind you in a poker face while he protectively wraps his arm around your shoulder as he towers over you

"THAT'S HER BOYFRIEND?!"

it's either in shock

bcs THE BOTH OF YOU R SO HOT TOGETHER WHAT THE FUCK

or dissapointment bcs you're taken

BUT THEY CAN NEVER RLLY FIGHT HIM TO GET TO YOU BCS OH NO HE'S HOT TOO

BI PANIC ALERT 🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨

and they see how much you were alike in the littlest things

u two are so versatile and expressive

although having said all these, you never clash personalities

u two r so compatible

jh would clown you for literally anything

but he would also absolutely trade anything for your affection with 0 hesitation

he even claimed that he would sacrifice shua and cheol's lives for him to have your hand in marriage, to you also because you're the devil

NO, U

"you dumbass" but affectionately

in games when you're in the opposing teams, when you're playing against each other, you're mistaken if you thought he would go easy on you

he knows what you're capable of and it'll take the same amount of plotting to take you down

however when his teammates accuse you of sinistrous intentions, he will defend you

he'll even encourage your cheating lol

"SEE THAT? MY JAGI TOTALLY WHOOPED YOUR ASSES"

minghao who was in the same team looked at his hyung, (who was fkn CHEERING for YOU. YOU, FROM THE OPPOSING TEAM) in disbelief, as if hannie was an embarrassment to nature

he'd be like like "dude, which side are u really on ????"

he would let you cahoot with '95 liners cheol and shua against him

the three of you would gang up against him tgt bcs it's payback time for how many times he's wronged y'all

it's comedic how he can manage to stay calm under a lot of pressure and come at you like it's nothing, but he gets agitated when the members r stealing your attention from him LMAO

sk caught hannie pouting and slacking off while looking at your figure from afar

"how dare they ??!#?#@!?!" insert comical shouting text bubbles on the top of his head

cue angry snowball face

he would straight up walk to your side of the team nearing you with the intention of retrieving what's rightfully his.

he throws his arms around you and drags you away to his post on the other side, and you're like "hannie why are you dragging me here my teammates are on the opposite side"

you're only opponents but you're still his

squishing your cheek with his own while his arms were wrapped all around your waist and shoulders, smothering you with kisses

you're very competitive yourself. so when the game gets heated and you're in your serious mode, the two of you get worked up going against each other

y/n: "let's do this instead. jeonghan would think we wouldn't go for the simplest way, so that's exactly what we're going for."

y/n: "jeonghan would try to ambush us from the other side because he knows the way around this course. let's go this way and corner him from behind and use his own dirty trick against him 👹"

what adds more to the challenge is the fact that you thought you both know how each other thinks

but you actually DON'T.

you two are very unpredictable

you're good at reading his tactics tho so he almost never escapes from you.

taunt and mock him when he loses and watch him FOLD

EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

watch out tho bcs he'd be coming for your ass on the next game/round

you once betrayed your team just to face him head on

at the same time, jh did the same to his team cs he won't back away from you challenging him

ending, it turned to a match between the two of you

you both love mind games, which is why as much as it's hard for him to defeat you, it's hard for you to defeat him too

he gets scared of u sometimes lol

he thinks he's not the biggest enemy there exists in society, YOU are.

you're the alas of the team you're in. they know they're covered when they have you

altho it's funny when you think about how you're rivals in games but you sleep by each others head at night with limbs tangled LOLOL

BUT IF IT SO HAPPENS THAT URE IN THE SAME TEAM IN GAMES

OH NO NO NO NO NO EVERYONE HIDE AND SAVE YOURSELVES

💥💥

jeonghan jumps in joy when he found out he's teamed up with you

everyone makes a commotion

"oH NO NOT THE TWO THEM TOGETHER–"

everyone knows they're doomed the moment it's set

yk how in gose svt purposely keeps mingyu, cheol, and hannie away from each other in separate teams?

they do the same thing to you two, forcing you away from each other

bcs everyone also wants you in their team/s

i mean who wouldn't ???

"JEONGHAN-HYUNG GET AWAY FROM Y/N-NOONA! IT'S NOT FAIR!"

cue dino and jun pulling your arm but your body is being coddled by hannie at the same time, as he hoarded you to himself

dk get on his knees and clasps his hands as he practically BEGS you two to at least have one of you in the other team

"no can do 😚" jh wraps a leg around your hip while he shields you from his members

you're insufferable together

CHAOS CHAOS CHAOS CHAOS

they all call you "the devil duo" 😈

bcs HELL unleashes when you're working together

very partners in crime type of rs

you're like the chuuya to his daza–

ahem

with both of your analytical sense and strategic thinking merged together, you're invincible

you can defeat multiple member teams with only you and hannie's alliance

jokes of "let's dominate the world together, jagi 👹👹" every now and then

yes you two go and RULE THE WORLD

DON'T BE SHY SET THE WHOLE CITY ON FIRE–

he calls you the queen and labels himself as the king

roles can be reversed tho, the both of you don't mind

"jagi, i'm the queen and you're the king, okay? 😏😏😏" he leans to your ear and gently whispers while tauntingly looking at the glaring members from the other side as you two were sitting tgt

be careful tho, bcs there are still circumstances wherein he turns his back from you in games

in short, he might betray you to win

i mean he's still jeonghan after all

the key is to betray him first before he betrays you :D

or just strangle him

W option

the members are always very hooked on watching how you beat hannie in his own game

bcs he totally deserves that

everytime the scene unfolds they immediately "😎🍿"

let me tell u this,

hannie fkn loves when you outsmart him

he'll look at you with heart eyes, flabbergasted, yet at the same time astounded when you do

heart eyes heart eyes

you might have had unknowingly turned him on a little tho–

he has a lot of respect for your ability and intelligence

and INTELLIGENCE IS HOT AS FUCK

but then that loving smile slowly turns into a sly smirk as he is in the middle plotting a new strategy to outsmart your outsmarting

which results to you outsmarting his outsmarting to your outsmarting

a cycle that never ends

*/inserts "finally, a worthy opponent"

he loves how intelligent you are. you're even most likely to be more intelligent than him

he loves his plotting smart-mouthed little devil, y/n

he's very thrilled, there wasn't single boring moment in his life since the moment he met you

PILLOW FIGHTS !!!!!!!!!

he cheated once and used a blanket to capture and immobilize you, and you fought the urge to slam his head on the headboard

"you– you cheating freak!" you wiggled out of his arms as he squeezes you in a hug

"oh but you love this cheating freak 😏😏" he wiggles his eyebrows

the members openly babbles about how you were their "sacrificial lamb"

bcs hannie's annoying mischievous ass gradually toned down thanks to you, because most of his pranks were all darted to you now

and so the "let's sacrifice y/n [to jeonghan]" became an inside joke between you and the members

everytime han's evil tendencies dart to the members, they whip you out and place you in front of hannie as a human shield

THESE LIL SHITS

because ure the only one who can take hannie's bs and u actually fight back

jeonghan would galdly accept their sacrificial lamb tho 😏😏

from his own words, just who is he to refuse you?

we all know how clingy hannie is

lingering touches here and there, your touchy, affectionate nature applies when you're together

but not in a overexaggerating or overwhelming way (always rmmbr that it's ok to be clingy as long as u still respect your partner's space dawg)

he can and WILL bite your fingers when you're off guard

one moment he's fidgeting with your hands

and then he CHOMPS on your long fingers

you jumped in your seat and glared at him the first time he did this and the brat only laughed at your reaction

very funny

when u make out, expect a lot of biting

will bite your lips, your jaw, the plush part of your neck, your collarbone, EVERYWHERE

and i tell you when he bites, he bites HARD

mHmmm

he loves it when you do it to him too

pls DO IT TO HIM

there was a time while you were hovering on top of him and kissing his neck, you look up to see his disheveled state with his mouth agape and half lidded eyes, an arm holding your waist while the other covers his mouth with the back of his hand as he huffs in pleasure

😳😳😳

*blushes like a sl–*

I'M ABOUT TO COMBUST INTO FLAMES 🚒🚒

hannie's clingy ass can never keep his handsy handsies away from you

everytime he sits beside you he chooses to scoot to you as close as possible on purpose, even if the sofa had more room and space for him to need not to squeeze you in the corner

he sprawls his limbs everywhere on you on purpose. on your thighs, stomach and face

sometimes he even pretends to "accidentally" sit on your lap, putting all of his weight on you like you were a part of the fuckin sofa

"oh, sorry, it's your lap's fault for looking a little too comfortable 😏😏" unapologetically

there was one time you had enough of him doing this everytime so you kinda just accepted him sitting on u

you leaned forward and hugged his waist in place on your lap while he hummed in satisfaction

what he didn't expect was when he was off-guard, you leaned toward his neck and pecked a kiss on the exposed skin and BOY

HE JOLTS LIKE A HOT KETTLE WHISTLING FROM SUPPRESSING HOW HOT HE FELT, HIS FACE TURNING REDDER THAN A TOMATO BECAUSE THAT WAS SO ???????? 😳😳😳😳😳😳😳

his little friend immediately went ↗️↗️↗️ iykwim

he's shinggi banggi boong boong banggi'ing his way out of there and shutting himself alone in a room somewhere🚪🏃

he couldn't sleep for NIGHTS

he also felt something shift in him the first time you meaningfully called him "hannie"

"you're such a wuss, hannie~" you looked up at him while exchanging banters and

his grin grew wider, grazing his hand on your jaw, "that's the first time you called me that. say that again."

he tends to miss u a lot

one time in a beach somewhere in jeju during a summer vacation with svt, he was quietly chilling on a lounger seat with his dark, almost black shades on, while the members were noisily playing beach volley not very far from where he's sitting

he can hear sk and soonyoung's distant yowling everytime they miss the ball

he's not interested in playing because there's no "you" as his opponent

there's just 0 thrill when you're not there

he snorts as he imagines you intentionally spiking the ball at his face

hannie wondered what you're up to at that exact moment

he loudly sighed, "i miss y/n..."

"you'll see her again soon when you go home, hyung."

"you're right." he props himself from the lounge chair and grabs his phone while putting on his beach slippers

"where are you going?"

"i'm going home 👹"

"what?! jeonghan-hyung, NO–"

"jeonghan-hyung, YES."

the members held him down and almost tied him up on the lounger chair

that night in the hotel room, he fills the void of longing for you by facetiming you

the members wanted so bad to stuff both your mouths with pillows from how noisy you are while laughing with each other late at night on screen

of course it's done as a joke they love seeing you and jh having fun together

and the both of you are only doing it on purpose just to piss them off, you stopped immediately and let them sleep in peace after

the two of you are still mindful when and when not to fool around after all <3

they can never really get mad at u two

coz how could they? you two r literally their parents

hannie labels you as second mom of svt, the first one being himself

"make sure drink your meds, wonu-ya ^^" hannie gives wonwoo his medication "thanks, jeonghan-hyung."

cue you walking past them, your attention somewhere else, casually handing wons a bottle of water to help him with downing the medicine, while your eyes were on dino, nodding while listening to the story he's enthusiastically telling you

dino is obviously your favourite child

"dino, nugu aegi?" and he'll willingly answer "y/n-noona's baby <3"

"how about me, dino? u don't love me anymore? only y/n? 🥺" hannie asks with a pout

all the svt members grew very attached to you that they can't even imagine hannie without u anymore

u and hannie are a package deal ^^ so cute

you're rlly made for each other

hannie gives you weird ass compliments that you would've found endearing if only it made sense

he would leave you confused as fuck

while he's in his pajamas sitting on the sofa beside you with one of his knees folded to his chest, the tv remote on his hand, he turns to you with a flat expression

"y/n if you were a dinosaur, you would be a velociraptor."

you respond with a perplexed "why is that?" and he turns away from you to go back to watching tv without another word like nothing happened, and without further elaboration following his statement.

he wasn't even watching a show related to dinosaurs

ಠ_ʖಠ ????

that's an oddly random hell of a compliment

was that even a compliment?

"yes" -hannie

one time on his birthday party somewhere in paris, after the bustling party ended, you spoke to him in private in your shared hotel room to finally give your birthday present

still bejeweled and dolled up in your black dress, you put on a blindfold on his eyes as you led him inside the dim-lit hotel room

the blindfold you put on him covered the entirety of his vision steadily

"i didn't know you were into this kind of thing." he teases you

you narrowed your eyes and glared down at him despite knowing well he can't see you

when he took off the blindfold to open his eyes, he was welcomed by the sight of a whole life sized figurine lego set of iron man

he was in awe, he thanked you and asked you to help him build it together, which you agreed on

"this is the second possible best birthday gift for me, love."

"what's the first?"

"you." he grinned meaningfully, it's the same mischievous grin he usually displays when he's plotting something

you sensually ran your hand through his silky hair and responded to his suggestive comment

"i'm sure you'll eventually get that second birthday gift of yours later." while fondling his necktie from the button-down shirt under his tux that he wore at the party.

he contained his laughter and once again latched himself to you, "i love you."

you hugged him back, "no. i love you."

hannie always likes adding a spice of a little mischief to every situation, so he used that opportunity to catch you off guard and dip his finger on the frosting of the vanilla cake on the coffee table behind you to smear it on the tip of your nose

you widened your eyes and chased him all over and around the hotel room

"YOU'RE DEAD, YOON JEONGHAN!" you chased him acting like a vixen trying to catch a rabbit, jumping over furniture

pls manhandle him

hannie likes strong women

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

yoon "i want a woman to kiss me and hug me😚🥰but at the same time, like in the bedroom... just ROCK MY SHIT U KNOW🏋️‍♀️just BEAT THE FUCK OUTTA ME👹U KNOW🤯coz i deserve it😇" jeonghan

you wanted so badly to punish him

an idea he wasn't against at all—in discreet

after wiping your nose, you tackled him on the floor when you caught him

he looks up at you, taking in your beautiful features, not missing the evil grin on your lips non-verbally saying "i got u now 😏"

he tucks your unkempt hairstrands behind your ear

"can i claim my second birthday gift now, y/n?" he tilted his head, looking up at you and staring at your lips, his eyes shining from the dim light

you wanted to punish him, you say?

let's just say... you did get what you want that night, with the help of his tie, and the flimsy blindfold you left lying on the floor.

napipopetake him to heaven 🔝

:D

best bday ever

hanniehae <33

[hazbin-academy-asks]

Hello and Welcome to Hazbin Academy. I'm the founder of this place 😉. Here are some info on the characters you can ask to.

3 facts for each

Lucifer Morningstar= Headmaster of the School

3- Loves to play with his rubber ducks.

2- Still king of Hell, But when Charlie came up with an idea to help the Sinner kids better themselves through school decided to help her.

1- Deeply misses his wife Lillith

Camilla Carmine= Principal

3- Mother of two Odette and Clara but is basically a Mother to everyone

2- Totally doesn't have feelings for Zestial* Cough * Denial * Cough

1- Loves Ballet and was once a ballerina before she became a mother.

Zestial= Vice principal

3- Is basically a father figure to everyone

2- Is madly in love with Carmilla

1- Is extremely protective and can look scary but inside he's a teddy bear

Teachers

Nifty= Science Teacher

3- Loves Science but she is obsessed with bugs and Cleaning

2- Died at the age of 22 from a lab accident

1- She adores Alastor

Sir pentios= History teacher

3- Has a Crush on his next door neighbor Cherri bomb

2- Is obsessed with History before his time

1- Gets pranked Alot ( Especially by Alastor and Rosie)

Husk= Technology teacher.

3- Vietnam war veteran he doesn't like talking about it though.

2- Definitely isn't in love with Angel dust ( he is)

1- He is secretly scared of Alastor ( boy keeps trying to eat his wings)

Angel dust= Math teacher

3- Original thought he was teaching Meth until Charlie freaked out after seeing some students drugged ( she chewed him out big time)

2- Has a crush on Husk but won't tell him cause he just lost his boyfriend Tyco

1- Was kicked out of his family for being gay

Vaggie= Gym teacher

3- Charlie wife

2- She lost an eye due to an ' Accident '

1- She is tough but it's because she cares deeply.

The students ( they are all hellborn in this Au)

Zeezi

3- Age 13 she is the oldest of the students

2- Always speaks her mind

1- Is the tallest student

Zoltar

3- 13 years of age

2- Most quiet student until you piss him off

1- Has a slight crush on Zeezi

Valentino

3- Age 13

2- Lives with overly sexual parents ( they don't do anything to him though don't worry)

1- Has a crush on his teacher Angel dust ( Angel definitely doesn't reciprocate)

Rosie

3- Age 12

2- Has a big sister relationship with Alastor ( will beat up anyone who hurts him

1- Has a pet bearded Dragon Name Anubis

Odette

3- 11 years old Carmilla oldest child

2- Autistic baby

1- She wants to be exactly like her mother

Vox

3- Age 10

2- Has a crush on Alastor but still finds him annoying

1- Is best friends with Valentino and Velvette

Clara

3- Age 9

2- Is very close to Zestial and already calls him Papa

1- She helps Alastor prank the others

Alastor

3- Age 8

2- Loves playing pranks on everyone

1- Autistic baby

Velvette

3- Age 5

2- Despite being the youngest Velvette is highly intelligent

1- She pretends to hate Carmilla but secretly sees her as a mother figure

That's the information on the characters guys.

If you have any questions please feel free to ask here ok.

[transingthoseformers]

Hmm. Weird but slightly cracky thought.

The Tyrest Accords is something both Autobots and Decepticons agreed to. So, theoretically, those laws apply equally to Decepticons. And we know Magnus will legally take in and turn over Decepticons to Decepticons acting as a regulating body for both sides at times. Which makes me think of, for instance the fact clearly defectors where gray areas but someone like Scorponok was someone theoretically both soneone like Tarn and Magnus would pursue.

My thought is Magnus takes in someone who has terribly violated the Tyrest Accords and his victims are both Decepticon and Autobot, so he is looking up what to do and this falls under the gray cateogory of "Decepticon Justice" and once he reaches out to a contact he receives a auromatic notice that the mech is on the List and Decepticons should turn him over if DJD comes knocking. Minimus Magnus carefully reads his works and the relevant Decepticon laws as a shared enforcer he must be aware of both factions Codes of Conduct access the DJD's website and, as their reputation hasn't reached him yet early in his tenure, politely emails Tarn explaining he needs to do a prisoner exchange and while he waits looks over the parts of the List that are publicly allowed and notes any names that would fall under requiring him to catch and turn over to Tarn, who he assumes is something like his equivalent.

Tarn replies, kind of disbelieving and fully ready to deal with this prank. None of the DJD are ready for a very polite non nonsense Ultra Magnus offering them their tied up prey and showing Tarn the proper transfer paperwork in Decepticon formatting in triplicate. Tarn is flustered and thrown and just matches Ultra Magnus, who is actually quite nervous, given it is one of his first jobs, energy. They sign the paperwork, exchange comm numbers at Magnus's polite suggestion, and then part.

Only after does they situation fully dawn on them leaving the DJD confused while Dominus Vos is getting weird baby brother vibes from Magnus.

And then it keeps happening. The DJD have no idea how to handle Magnus's respectful, by the book perfect emails following exact regulations about sharing required information. Tarn is convinced it was a trap but there's nothing. On a whim he spots one of Magnus's Autobot escapees and not to be shown up sends the information.

Magnus meanwhile is startled at the reciprocation. Most assume the perfect lawman needs no assistance and here his Decepticon equivalent who has no requirement to comply is offering him a professional favor. He's flattered and thanks Tarn immediately. Magnus is still Minimus and raised with certain manners. Clearly he needs to send a small thank you gift. He learns Tarn favors the arts and goes to the Ambus collection and sends Tarn an original recording of certain now lost operas which are collectors editions.

Tarn is very confused and defensive and he takes days to finally listen. Worse he loves it.

Clearly this means war.

He carefully stalks his prey with Kaon and Dom-Vos help. Dominus is still disturbingly reminded of Minimus and after dealing with Tarn spiralling obsession suggests a gift Minimus would have wanted. Tarn sends it with his "regards" and Magnus loves it, sending Tarn and effusive, for him, and painfully sincere thank you note.

Thus begins the strange professional one man up ship turned accidental friendship courtship between the DJD and Magnus while Dominus slowly realizes that is his baby brother and his psychotic boss is in love with him.

Hmm yes, interesting.

Sdfghj ok yes,

Mags would indeed try to get clarification for what he should do

The DJD's website

I'm sorry but

The DJD's website

They have a website????? The fucking Decepticon Justice Division has a website.

Oh mins. You just contacted fucking Tarn. In just a nice little email.

Who he assumes is something like his equivalent

oh maggy

Awww yes McMurderman Tarn is so confused, especially with just how friendly of an interaction with an autobot this was.

Oooo on us still having Vos!Dominus, and him getting the feels.

And it keeps happening

Yes

Tarn is having so many big feelings about this and Mags just thinks he's doing a good job

Will this turn into TarnMags

I have not read that far yet but I'm getting TarnMags vibes

Aww yes yes yes

AWWW YES GIFTS. MINIMUS SENDS TARN THE GIFT OF RARE MUSICS.

Clearly this means war

All is fair in love and war🥰🥰🥰

Oh Dominus has an idea, he has an absolute idea. Rock on, Dom, rock on.

Tarn is doing the emotional equivalent of elephant toothpaste right now and I kinda love it for once, and Mags is just. Charmed. So charmed.

Dominus is gonna witness something messy and beautiful.

[idiotwhowritesshipstuff]

Hello~ I hope you're doing well~ Can I get kanade otonokoji and Setsuka chiebukuro dating headcanons~

Just like with the other general dating headcanons, this takes place in a non despair au. My rules dictate that Kanade is always a yandere no matter how peaceful the rest of the world is so this falls under yandere danganronpa for her.

For the sake of those who don't want to read yandere content I'll flip the order so Setsuka is on top and Kanade is on the bottom.

TW: Kanade Otonokoji

Setsuka Chiebukuro and Kanade Otonokoji dating headcanons

Considering Setsuka is her class' big sis who promotes unity in the class, they would be the first people she informs about her getting into a relationship which will earn a wave of congratulations from the class with all of them being happy for their defacto leader getting together with someone.

Get ready to be a frequent subject of Setsuka's jokes and pranks, she doesn't pull anything on you with malicious intent nor are her pranks with you anything like what she did with the girls in A Woman's Fantasy, they're all good light-hearted fun which at most will spook you a little. She readily encourages you to try and get back at her as she enjoys the challenge and little prank wars are great ways to have quality time together which is her love language.

For dates, Setsuka doesn't have any particular preference so long as you two get some quality one on one time together. She loves being the big sis of her class, she was the one who assigned herself the role afterall, but for dates she would rather they not be around. She would love to have Sora, Shinji and Hibiki help her prepare for a date but during the date itself it's just you and her. If she did have to list a preference she prefers dates that have you two actively doing something together like playing a game or going hiking together over movie dates or generally more passive dates.

Prior to you two dating, Setsuka definitely showed you her Devil's Eye. It's a major sore spot for her and she would never date someone prior to informing them about the true nature of her right eye as not only would there be the risk of you reacting poorly much like the kids at her school did but also if she can't trust you with her right eye then how could she ever date you? Romantic relationships are built on love and trust and if she didn't tell you about her childhood operation by a quack doctor then that means she didn't trust you enough.

There is no need to worry about jealousy from Setsuka, out of all the SDRA2 cast she's the one who will never get jealous. She is an extremely physically affectionate person and her extroverted personality makes her want to spend time with loads of different people so she won't take any issue to you doing similar. At most she would tease you about showing affection to other people, jokingly asking things like "No affection for your girlfriend?" but it's always playful and never serious.

Your confession where you professed your feelings for her was the happiest day of her life. Kanade had meticulously planned the past few months for you to reciprocate her feelings, she had held off on doing anything traumatizing to you yet as she couldn't risk you seeking another for comfort so stuck to more minor sabotage to prop up her image in your eyes while using her shy persona to still be approachable to you. When you two finally start dating, no one is made aware of it for a day as Kanade wants to savor her victory for herself but she eventually tells Hibiki who spreads the news to everyone that you and her are an item now.

To you, Kanade is the perfect girlfriend. She's cute, she's popular, she's talented, she's open-minded to activities outside of her band, she's a caring sister who is always by her sister's side even when they disagree, she comforts you after a student you were close to mysteriously disappears- Now that you have made the decision to date her, Kanade can go about ensuring your relationship is permanent.

Dates with Kanade are pretty much your wish is her command. She is gifted at essentially everything so if you want to have a karaoke date? She'll sing with you and let you pick every song. Date at the movies? She'll pick out the best seats for you two and get your favorite popcorn and soda. It may be a bit concerning to you how much Kanade is willing to let you be the decider for everything but Kanade honestly doesn't mind, if you do mind and want her to pick something based on her preferences she'll be overjoyed though may not be entirely honest about what she actually likes depending on how squeamish or sensitive to loud sounds you are.

Your relationship with Hibiki is a bit of a doozy. Kanade wants you to be friends with Hibiki but she doesn't let you get too close. Whenever you question it, she spouts excuses about how jealous she is that Hibiki gets more attention again, essentially guilt tripping you to back off.

Unlike with Hibiki and a childhood friend reader, Kanade wouldn't always want you to be in a puppet state like Hibiki. The idea is appealing to her but the puppet state is essentially her way of having her loved one to herself without any fear of someone taking them away so if the mysterious disappearances and deaths she cause leave you emotionally vulnerable enough that you solely rely on her, she may let you keep your sanity depending on how accepting you are of what she's done to Hibiki. If you lash out, even just out of shock, you can kiss your sanity goodbye. If you remain composed and don't do anything to provoke her, she'll let you keep your mind if only because she enjoys seeing you emote as her sister's expression is quite dull in the puppet state.

Kanade's jealousy is 10 to the power of 1000, she gets jealous over you spending time with anyone and everyone save for Hibiki and as stated earlier, she doesn't appreciate you getting too close to her either. Kanade is someone willing to torture and kill over you smiling at another person so unless you actively isolate yourself from people outside of the Otonokoji twins, expect to set off her jealousy during your relationship at even the most innocent of interactions. The only real bright side to her jealousy is that due to the image she needs to maintain, she won't ever actually truly express the full extent of her jealousy in your presence, she's usually only appearing mildly upset though can get extremely scary if you have a close friend.

[usagirln12003]

Natsu Dragneel: Hogwarts AU

Natsu Dragneel is a Half-Blood wizard that was born on the 7th of July 1973 and started attending Hogwarts on the 1st of September 1984, being sorted into Gryffindor house.

He has a Ash wand with a Dragon Heartstring core.

His Patronus is a Chinese Fireball Dragon.

His favorite subject is Defense Against the Dark Arts and his least favorite is Flying.

He was the Headboy of his year.

Natsu is carefree and reckless in nature, and, despite his consistent brawls with the other members of Gryffindor house, he is a fiercely loyal and protective friend. He is willing to go down fighting for his friends, regardless of how futile it might seem. Natsu has a straightforward mind, and often tackles issues with a "hands on" approach. His solution to problems often involve violence. Even when disrespected or faced with obvious hostility, Natsu rarely ever reciprocates the feelings, and often forgoes grudge-holding. He did, however, for a short time, hold a grudge against Jellal Fernandes, but eventually forgave him and considered him an ally. He occasionally shows compassion for his enemies, such as when Cobra was betrayed by Brain. Natsu rarely exhibits any perverse tendencies towards the opposite sex, there only being two noted instances. The first is seen prior to the Triwizard Tournament, when he is seen trying to peek, along with several other of his male classmates, on the women as they bathed in the Prefect's Bathroom. The second is when Lucy comes crashing into him while nude, and he stares at her body, even groping her breasts for a moment. Natsu is rather immature, making an enemy laugh during duels, or even pulling pranks on others. That being said, it has led to foes to underestimate him and fall his tricks as well. Despite his childish side, Natsu can be responsible enough when looking after someone.

Natsu continuously tries to prove his strength to others. At various points in time, he has challenged Erza, Laxus, Mirajane, and even Gildarts (in short, all of the top students in each year), to fight him, albeit, he was beaten every single time. Despite his losses, Natsu bears them no ill will, as he considers everyone at Hogwarts to be his family. He demonstrates this attitude even towards former enemies. Natsu has even gone as far as defending Laxus from being expelled, despite him opening the Chamber of Secrets. Due to his reckless nature, Natsu's duels usually ends with widespread destruction. Natsu's love of duelling has allowed him to develop a rather strategic mind, helping him to, on various occasions, find weaknesses in his opponent's techniques, or simply weaknesses his opponents themselves possess. Natsu has also defeated his opponents with pure wit, rather than strong spells. Natsu, befitting his recklessness and love of duelling, never backs out of a duel. Natsu’s love for combat is purely for pitting all his strength against others and see who comes out on top and doesn’t like the idea of murdering people. That being said, Natsu he’ll do whatever it takes to win in serious all out war if it means securing everyone’s safety.

Natsu hates the idea of self sacrificing one’s life and has prevented those closest to from attempting so, believing it causes others more pain than good, also showcasing how much Natsu values life itself. Natsu values family above all else, stemming from the time he mysteriously lost Igneel the only family he’s known thus holds onto his current one he’s build within Gryffindor house and gets mad at anyone who do not appreciate those closest to them.

Ever since their meeting, Natsu has gotten rather close to Lucy, even being overly familiar with her, such as casually breaking into her dorm room, much to her and her roommates' annoyance. Natsu has admitted that he’s always felt comfortable around her, which he believes is due to her having a similar aura to Anna who cared for him when he was a child. Lucy clearly means a lot to Natsu, always concerned for her safety, trusts her a great deal and grateful for all the help she’s given. He gets enraged at anyone who would so much as harm her a great deal. More recently, Natsu has attempted to keep his recklessness in check as per Lucy’s advice, even when provoked into fighting by others.

Natsu was very close to Lisanna for helping him raise Happy who would become his partner and trusted best friend. Because of this, after her supposed death, no one at Hogwarts mentioned her out of respect for his feelings. However, after Lisanna's return to Hogwarts from captivity, this is no longer the case.

Out of his fellow Gryffindors, Natsu feels most antagonistic towards Gray, as the two constantly fight and bicker every chance they have since childhood. The two were even initially reluctant on being in the same house and usually acted friendly towards each other to avoid Erza’s scolding. Despite all this, they do care for each other as much as anyone in Gryffindor, Natsu has carried Gray when he’s down, even preventing Gray from sacrificing himself numerous times, even being saddened to tears. The two are shown at times to at least get along in friendly competitions.

Natsu fears Erza the most out everyone and panics if he ever gets on her bad side, yet still challenges her to duel when he can. Natsu respects Erza for her strength, saying she’s at her best when she’s strong and violent, thus gets mad at anyone who so much as brings her sadness. Natsu would go as far as defy the Ministry of Magic for Erza’s sake, such as attempting to stop Jellal’s imprisonment knowing it would’ve hurt Erza despite his own issues with him at the time.

Due to all of his trips to Romania as a kid, Natsu suffers from motion sickness. Natsu becomes sick from riding on any form of transportation, even if the transportation happens to be other people, as shown when he was carried by Lucy. This, however, does not apply to dragons, as he considers them family, not transportation. Natsu can become sick from looking at, or simply thinking about, any form of transportation. In spite of his naturally dense nature, Natsu is quite perceptive and understanding of his friend's feelings. After his O.W.L.S. in Defense Against the Dark Arts, Natsu came to understand and accept fear, and has used this acceptance to help his friends and himself emotionally grow. Prior to this event, Erza’s wrath (albeit for comic relief), transportation, and the Ministry of Magic were the only things that Natsu feared.

[sleepingdeath-light]

s/o who wears skates + pranks mortals hcs ; lucky the rabbit

requested by ; anonymous (23/02/23)

fandom(s) ; dark deception

fandom masterlist(s) ; here

character(s) ; lucky the rabbit

outline ; “Hello I was wondering your able to do lucky x reader where reader walks around in skates like there shoes and pranks people? (I used to do this alot not anymore tho I broke my ankle sadlyy)”

warning(s) ; one mildly suggestive comment, but mostly fluff!

you may not be an official member of the joy joy gang, but with your mischievous demeanour and love of chaos you were pretty much immediately accepted as one of the group in all but name — the only thing stopping you from taking the mantle is that you weren’t actually a mascot like the others, just a soul who happened to turn on your own kind in the funniest way possible

your use of skates to traverse their theme park is endearing to them all, but especially to lucky who thinks you’re the funniest person ever — watching you fly by and spin and do all sorts of tricks with a practised ease that immediately endeared him to you and served as the basis for your eventual relationship

whenever you’re out pranking/messing with a visitor you can guarantee that at least one of him will be with you helping you out with your little ‘missions’ and keeping you safe from the more unruly visitors — its rarely ever the ‘main’ lucky, but you’ll have a good time no matter which version of him you’re with

he’s easily able to keep pace with you as you skate around joy joy land, making a game of it and gloating at you whenever he wins your games/races/etc. — especially if you were competing for something like bragging rights, physical affection, or doing the other’s share of the chores (hangry always cheers you on whilst penny is always solidly on lucky’s side)

lucky also encourages you to customise your gear to be more threatening, even constructing you some skates with spikes on that can be used to torment mortals that wander into their realm — and if you ever actually wear them for him then, well, he’s going to be very happy with you

out of the trio, lucky takes your pranks the best and will even reciprocate and engage in an active ‘prank war’ with you whenever there’s no visitors in the park — hangry is pretty apathetic unless it involves food, and penny will congratulate you for getting her (unless you mess with her appearance somehow) but she’ll always help lucky get you back

[doodle-pops]

Dating Amras Would Include...

𑁍 He’s a lot quieter than his older twin and all of his brothers, though it doesn’t stop his mischievous behaviour from taking place. He loves a good prank and most of the time, you’re a victim. It’s nothing serious though.

𑁍 All the harmful pranks are for his brothers, the most he’ll do he drop water and flour all over you, you’re in the safe zone.

𑁍 As mentioned for Amrod, Amras also believes that you should get along with his brother fairly. This also means that like Amras, Amrod will tag along secretly for a lot of your dates.

𑁍 He’ll just be casually sitting somewhere near you two as though he wasn’t stalking you guys for the past hour and a half. He’ll wear a cheeky grin on his face before asking if he could sit with you all.

𑁍 He enjoys pranking alongside you and because of this, he includes you in his prank wars with his brothers.

𑁍 He’s a lot more relaxed with physical affection but similar to his brother, he prefers to have it done behind closed doors. He doesn’t mind the occasional kiss in public, but it’ll be done chastely on the lips or on the forehead. He does enjoy having his arms wrapped around you though.

𑁍 He enjoys going on dates with you that are peaceful and quiet, this means he’ll lock his brother in a room to avoid him following and ruining the peace with you.

𑁍 He’ll take you to a field of flowers or a waterfall for a picnic and just sit next to you subtly chatting away. This does lead to him taking a small nap with you.

𑁍 Hunting with him doesn’t happen since he tends to go with his brothers for the company and he doesn’t want you around them, he’s afraid of them corrupting you, so, he keeps you away as far as possible.

𑁍 Between him and his twin, he’s the better cook. He used to hang around Caranthir more than his brother, so he was able to pick up some tips and reciprocate them for you.

𑁍 Since he’s the quiet twin, it also means he’s shy, so things that require public displays make him shrink and hide. He’s not one for public displays of affection, holding your hand is enough.

𑁍 When in private, he’ll bask you in all the kisses and hugs you want. When you do return them to him, he gets squeamish and blushes a lot.

Masterlist

Taglist: @eunoiaastralwings @noldorinpainter @ranhanabi777 @spidergirla5 @lilmelily @someoneinthestars @mysticmoomin @aconstructofamind @starborne0661 @floraroselaughter @the-phantom-of-arda @rain-on-my-umbrella @singleteapot @wandererindreams @asianbutnotjapanese

[amateur-selfshipper]

*throws confetti* Have some Playmates headcanons!

Under the cut because WOW this got long

Sunshine + Irony Poisoned

If Jax pulls a particularly/unnecessarily mean prank on someone else in the Circus, Wendy will prank him back on their behalf

Ex: If Jax breaks Gangle’s comedy mask after she expresses joy that it hadn’t broken yet that day, Wendy will pie him in the face. He can take what he dishes out ;)

Jax’s response to Wendy telling him they loved him for the first time was literally “Why?”

Not because he didn’t reciprocate! He absolutely did!

But Jax knows that he’s the most unpleasant person in the Circus (that’s kind of the point). He knows that Wendy knows this and is under no illusions about the kind of person he is.

Wendy is very physically affectionate and will initiate PDA completely unprompted. Jax will try to brush it off in front of others to maintain his reputation, but in private he completely melts. Dude is touch starved and all of Wendy’s hugs and hand holding feel like heaven

Sleepovers! They spend so much time in each other’s room that they have their own draws

The prank wars are INSANE. Like seriously these two will straight up try to out-Looney Tunes each other with escalating shenanigans and cartoon violence. God have mercy on any poor soul unfortunate enough to get caught in the crossfire

I’ve talked about this before, but their opposing coping mechanisms lead to them butting heads a fair bit. Jax tries to be ironic and apathetic to what happens around him while Wendy is totally sincere and feels everything at 100

On the more angsty side, Jax and Wendy have an issue with codependency and dysfunction due to being trapped in a traumatic environment they physically can’t leave as well as communication issues that arise from their own traumas

Sometimes Wendy worries that Jax just sees their relationship as a game and will dip once he’s gotten bored. It’s not all the time and to be fair, some of it is because Wendy had “”friends”” in the past who saw them as a source of entertainment and nothing more. It’s just hard not to be insecure about your partner not taking your feelings seriously when he doesn’t take anything seriously. 

On the flip side Jax is secretly terrified that Wendy falling for him was just a weird fluke and that they’ll leave him once they realize they can do better. He’s terrified of being vulnerable only to be left behind because they got tired of his scheming.

On a happier note! They’re always there to comfort each other and try so hard to maintain their relationship!

Wendy was DELIGHTED to find out that Jax can purr and gains an instant confidence boost every time they’re able to make it happen.

Wendy adores Jax’s laugh and will do anything to hear it. They love everything about his voice actually

Jax loves how expressive Wendy is, especially their eyes. He has to be careful about making eye contact with them bc sometimes Wendy looks at him with so much love it makes his brain blue screen. “Watch where you’re aiming those things, they’re deadly weapons!”

[lowkeyclueless5137]

You know with book seven part uhh six I think, coming soon.(Plus that new Sebek card, dang why didn’t previous chapters did not get that :|). Do you have more personal headcanons about that one lullaby song Sliver sings “Right here in my arms”. Anything else about it(and if they’ll involve more tears ;v;), heck maybe if some other students occasionally sometimes overhear it. Also what kind of special magic you think that song has exactly with it said having to been able to have Lilia remember everything, is there anything else it’s capable of(you think Sliver tries to softly sing it to Lilia and Malleus in that endless halloween event hoping his dad and lord would’ve been able to hear him and break free from the possession[not knowing it was a prank |:[, still wasn’t funny])

>:3

The thing is... The song has no magic. Nada. It's just a simple song that anyone can sing.

But the thing is that when Silver sings it, it hits hard for Lilia and only Lilia. The others don't realise the actual weight this song has, because if anyone else were to sing it, Lilia wouldn't have anything with it.

But Silver is singing it. Silver is his son, the son he took from the clutches of war and raised as his own, the son that innocently took the last memory of his real family and used it as a gift, as a way to keep Lilia dear in his heart. Lilia himself fought against Silver's family. Lilia leaded his troops to a genocide of Silver's family, yet here he was, Silver himself, dedicating to Lilia the only memory of his biological father. Silver sees Lilia as his one and only father, as his family, and that hurts. That makes the guilt to hurt Lilia.

But also, Lilia feels love. Love is hurting him, because Silver loves him. Silver sees Lilia as a great warrior, a knight in shining armour that is wise and capable of winning over any foe. Silver sees Lilia as strong and fit for admiration. He admires his father and that song is his way of saying 'you're amazing and I strive to be as better as you'.

This is also how Lilia has it more easy to learn it. And why Silver, nor anyone suspects the weight of the song. It's not magical, it doesn't do anything besides sounding nice. It's easy to replicate and has no effects on someone. So Lilia learns it in order to reciprocate the love Silver gives him. To respond to his admiration with 'you're my son and the greatest thing that ever happened to me. Because of you I'm like this. Because of you, you admire me now.'.

*gibs tissue* Here :3

[cuadratique]

Aight, but that should be reciprocated, because that’s still sticking to the trope of humans being the boring default. Humans gotta be nervously protective of their nonhuman party members too.

You gotta have conversations where two humans are grabbing rations for their elf mage, but they’re not sure about their diet, like “Idk man, are you sure elven mages can eat meat? Doesn’t it mess up their connection with magic or something?” “Nah, I think that’s only for certain wild magic users.” While the shopkeeper who knows this stuff sits there internally screaming.

Or one where an elf and a human are talking about having to go through a desert reach to make it to their next destination, and they can’t figure out if the dwarf needs more warm clothes for the night or more water for the day because they never asked her if her underground home is warmer or colder at its depth.

Or they have a pixie guiding them through fey lands and the conversation comes up, “hey, wait we shouldn’t have our gear exposed like this.” “Why not?” “Doesn’t iron, like, burn fairies? Like, I thought it was toxic to them?” “Oh yeah, I remember the idiot in my village kept a bunch of scrap from the blacksmith around his shack, saying it was in case faries try to trick him or something.” “Idk, I remember working with a mage who said something about iron being in the food we eat, so how would they get around that?” And the pixie finally snaps, “yeah the iron toxicity is a whole myth, from some prank war that this village got too upset over. It turned so nasty that when a sprite got killed under an iron pan, the villagers thought they found fairies’ weakness. ‘Lotta humans have been kind of racist about it with me, trying to pay me with iron coins and all that.” While the party just listens in deepening concern.

Reading fantasy again, I've started thinking about how odd it is how in books like that, the non-human races invariably scoff at human frailty and vulnerability, even those that they'll call friends. Like that's mean?? Why would you be a dick to your friend who you know is not capable of as much as you are, and it's not their fault they were born like that. That's mean.

Like consider the opposite: Characters of non-human races treating their human companions like frail little old dogs. Worrying about small wounds being fatal - humans die of small injuries all the time - or being surprised that humans can actually eat salt, even if they can't stomach other spicy rocks. Being amazed that a human friend they haven't seen in 10 years still looks so young, they've hardly aged at all! And when the human tries to explain that they weren't going to just unexpectedly shrivel into a raisin in 10 years, the longer-lifespan friend dismisses this like no, he's seen it happen, you don't see a human for 10 or 20 years and they've shriveled in a blink.

Elves arguing with each other like "you can't take her out there, she will die!" and when the human gets there to ask what they're talking about, they explain to her that the journey will take them through a passage where it's going to be sunny out there. Humans burn in the sun. And she will have to clarify that no, actually, she'll be fine. They fight her about it, until she manages to convince them that it's not like vampires - humans only burn a little bit in the sun, not all the way through. She'll be fine if she just wears a hat.

Meanwhile dwarves are reluctant to allow humans in their mines and cities, not just out of being secretive, but because they know that you cannot bring humans underground, they will go insane if they go too long without seeing the sun. Nobody is entirely sure how long that is, but the general consensus is three days. One time a human tries to explain their dwarf companion that this is not true, there are humans that endure much longer darkness than that. As a matter of fact, in the furthest habited corners of the lands of the Northmen, the winter sun barely rises at all. Humans can survive three weeks of darkness, and not just once, but every single year.

"Then how do they sane?" Asks the dwarf, and just as he does, the conversation gets interrupted by the northland human, who had been eavesdropping, and turns to look at them with an unnerving glint in her colourless grey eyes, grinning while saying

"That's the neat part, we don't."

[a-vampire-culturelover]

Junkclan Moon 39 - Greenleaf

Important Events:

Lionstar's broken healed! She has scrapes now though.

Cloverbloom confessed to Hawkchase and he finally reciprocated! They're now mates :3

Hawkchase's dislocated joint is better!

Lionstar has always thought Mothpaw had a kind heart, but doesn't know if he will be prepared in war. He is named Mothfeather for his generosity.

Butterflypaw has fleas and scrapes (Major L).

Patrols:

Slumbershade takes a patrol consisting of Mothfeather, Quailcurl, Wrentongue, Robinflight and Butterflypaw on a border patrol, and come across a large dog. They scatter, but othfeather manages to keep track of the dog, leaving Junkclan's territory safe. Butterflypaw feels a twitch of envy.

Rueclash takes Qubodapple, Sneezetangle and Fluffspeck on a hunting patrol, and hear something in the tall grass.. A rabbit bursts out, but Fluffspeck is quick to react and catches it!

Jadestalk goes hutning by himself, and childishly ignores previous warnings about hunting across the Border that led to Twolegplace.. he is seen carelessly and taken by Twolegs, never returning home that night..

While Morningsting andFerretstreak finalize the details of their takeover plan, Daisysnarl and Chaffinchheart begin devolving the patrol into Ghost stories, leaving the whole patrol on edge. He ends up telling another story about his mother's Ancestors..

Important Relationship events:

Egretleaf tells Bigkit to count on her in a difficult situation!

Ferretstreak suprises Bigkit with a dead bug! Her Favorite!

Morningsting thinks Bigkit's sense of humor is weird.

Rueclash thinks Ferretstreak was decently nice to him today..

Daisysnarl thinks Wrentongue is being annoying.

Cloverbloom overheard Butterflypaw spreading a hurtful rumor about Mothfeather..

Mothfeather tells Quailcurl to count on him in a difficult situation!

Bellini had a disagreement with Smallkit about something or the other.

Loudkit decorates their nest with gifts Hawkchase gave them!

Bigkit asks Butterflypaw where kits come from.

Smallkit had a disagreement with Sneezetangle.

Important Thoughts:

Morninsting worries for Smallkit..

Flowerheart was sent an disturbing omen by Apricotpaw..

Slumbershade wishes to be the new deputy..

Ferretstreak prepares for deputyship by bossing her fellow clanmates around.

Rueclash feels content.

Egretlead is going to pull a prank on Rueclash.

Quailcurl is eavesdropping on Smallkit.

Butterflypaw daydreams about having a mate and kits one day.

Loudkit whines for milk!

Bigkit took a tumble off of a log recently.

Chaffinchheart tells Lionstar urgently to prepare for a battle..

[joisbishmyoga]

Ok, zo. ONCE AGAIN 'the series that really needed to be confiscated from the original author years ago' has me posting.

I don't think I've mentioned it here, mostly bc I know I intended to write a ficlet but nope that didn't happen I am DONE with HP ficlets I really am. ANYWAY.

James was great at Transfiguration. Lily at Charms. Both were hardened veterans of seven years of magical prank wars, whether committing or defending from as a bystander. You're stuck in a house for months with a baby you need to protect at all costs, and you have.... exactly ONE layer of defense. Suuuuuuuure you do. I'd be making failsafes out the wazoo just from sheer bored stress pretty damn quickly.

Behold: two parent-shaped golems, pre-programmed with "Lily run" and "not Harry". At least one secret magical door + collapsing escape tunnels in every room. Brooms in the escape tunnels. Heavily shielded bunkers deep underground miles away, holding illegal Portkeys. And one bomb shaped like a baby.

Potters want big boom.

But wait! There's more! (For one thing, their Fidelius address, the one that Peter's going to tell Moldybrains, is sure af NOT in the middle of a village for Voldie and the Deathies to take out their tempers on.) Booby-trap the foyer to shoot up spikes when stepped on (if you've hit the panic button, obviously). (It might not kill him but it would certainly slow him down and hurt like a bitch. And do worse if you cover the spikes with potions!) Douse him in Draught of Living Death. Wear bracelets charmed to register as Number Whatever Fidelius Lane, Fuck-Fascists Hollow, ta-dah you're always in it. (Ok that one is a stretch, but seriously.) Get tf out of the country, choosing the destination via dartboard world map, because if Voldie has to leave England to come get you there's a chance it'll get noticed. Nested Fideliuses. Fidelii? Our location is known to our Keeper whose location is known to his Keeper whose location is known to her Keeper etc etc etc, which at least will give everybody down the chain some goddamn warning before they get to you. (And you don't pick a known close friend for your Keeper, no matter how much you trust them; anybody can break. Heck, Lily has to know other Muggleborns, they and their families would be targets but they won't be DEs, or pick the Longbottoms. Either way, do a reciprocal Fidelius.) Borrow a house-elf from Hogwarts (which is a whole 'nother rant that a lot of other people have done far better than I could); not to die for them, but to throw Volds all over the place and whatever else house-elf magic can do until they have to escape. And Dumbledore does NOT get the Invisibility Cloak, come on now, that is your last resort, something that can hide one adult and child while they flee.