#for 30 years up here and I really haven't made any actual progress.

[musical-chick-13]

Anyone else out here feeling disconnected from their own humanity.

[adyophene]

Hello ! I just have a little question, how do we start drawing ? I want go draw but idk how to start- any suggestion ? Or, if for starting it's better to do it with tutos, any tutorial to recommend ?

Have a great day !

Oooh, this is a tough question to answer! I suppose one the best pieces of advice I have is to figure out, before anything, what you are hoping to draw. What style, what tones, what media.

I have a feeling this might get long, so I will throw the rest under a readmore.

For me, when I started taking my art a little more seriously (I never went to art school or anything) I just focused on finding both tutorials on the fundamentals, and finding tutorials that focused on the aspects of art that interested me, which were animation and cartooning!

They go hand-in-hand, after all, and you'll find you end up honing in on the tutorials that coincide with your interests! IE- I ended up doing a lot of figure, and expression drawing because they would help me express emotion and movement better! I also spent so, so long just training my hand to be a bit more confident with drawing steady lines just because I loved the look of clean line-work!

So try to identify what your personal draw towards art is! By doing both something you like, as well as focusing the basics, I found that, at least in my personal experience, it put me in a positive feedback loop where I could keep seeing results in exactly the type of art I was interested in! And, once you start to feel confident, that is when you start adding in little bits of study from fields you might struggle with! A 90/10 split on what you're comfortable with and then what is new is usually a good way to go about it! Weirdly enough, though I don't watch him, I saw that the youtuber pewdiepie actually had a really good set of videos where he started from being a complete beginner and improving his art over 100 days. I believe its an absolutely great watch for a new artist, because he really does a great job in showing what a brand new journey into art can look like, and explains what he thinks each day. I think my favorite line was, 'after 24 days, I was finally having fun' because that can really sum up the new artist experience. It will absolutely be a slog at times, and can be really disheartening, but when you start to see progress, becomes so, SO fun.

Here is the link to the first vid, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CMLEudGbxQk and his second https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MJDtQTTAogk

ALSO- this was just the first video that came to mind because I watched it recently. I would recommend finding other videos about people learning to draw, or doing 30-100-365 day challenge videos. As for my personal favorite channels for art tutorials (though keep in mind, I haven't watched them in a few years ;-;, I need to study again);

There were a number of others that I wish I could link as well, but I am struggling to remember them. I hope any of that is helpful. My own art journey has been very long, and non linear, and I have to say, I'm not even satisfied with my own art! Its a endless mountain to climb, but it is so worth it to do! And lastly, I want to say thank you so much for sending this ask, you've made me dig back in to artists I used to study, and made me want to really focus back in on my own improvement!

[lookismaddict]

Lookism Chapter 438 Memes/Thoughts I Have:

(SPOILERS !!! I don’t own any of the Lookism panels and the translations. Only the memes that I made.)

God. It’s like every week, I get even more tired than the previous week. What has my life come to? I feel so dead inside.

Anyways, wooooo new chapter is here. Let’s goooooooo!!!

“DiD yOu JuSt HiT a CoP ?” Yeah mf. Call it “injustice” or a “crime”, IDC. Daniel gon beat yo ass GTA style. 😤

It’s ok Daniel, go get him!!!

*h e a v y s i g h*

. . .

PLEASE. EXCUSE ME FOR A SECOND WHILE I… “TAKE CARE OF SOME BUSINESS”.

*stays in the bathroom for about 30 min*

I'M KIDDING... not really.

BRUH EVEN DANIEL IS NAKED? AROUND GUN??? This is dangerous. 😭😭😭

OHHHHHHHHHHH MYYYYYYYYY GAAAAAAAHHHHHDDDD.... SIRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!! THE WET HAIR THOOOOOO. 😩😩🤤🤤🤤🥴🥴����🥴🥴

I def know what I want for Christmas this year... 👀

Santa would definitely kill me in my sleep...

N S F W M E M E W A R N I N G !!!

(If you don't wanna see the inappropriate meme, just scroll past it.)

God, my 😺 been quivering... What? I bet those of you who read Rendezvous would agree that you want him too. I'M LOOKING AT YOU!! READERS WHO'VE READ THOSE CHAPTERS ACTING LIKE YOU HAVEN'T THOUGHT ABOUT IT, SMH. 👁👁 Don't lie.

Man, this is giving me mad inspiration to write again. Who knew that some steamy shower panels would bring me back to continue writing for that story? How ironic. 😅

YESSSSSS GUN BBG, MAN WHORE, DADDYYYYYYY. 🥰

DAAAAAAAAMMMNNNNN DANIEL, BACK AT IT AGAIN WITH THE FANCY FIGHTING SPINS!!! Also, "I'm gonna get punished severely when I get back." 🧐 Is Gun gonna make you give him 🧠 or nah? Like what?

BRUHHHHHHHHHH. DANIEL NOOOOOOOOOO!!! 😭😭😭

AWWWW BABY, DON'T BEAT YOURSELF UP ABOUT IT. JUST CONTINUE TO GIVE IT YOUR ALL!!! 🥺🥺

Awwwww shit... Is this where I think this is going...? 😭

Hey Alexa, play "Lose Yourself" by Eminem.

OMG WAIT. HE DOESN'T LOOK THAT DIFFERENT FROM WHEN HE WENT CRAZY MODE IN HIS OTHER BODY!!! :O God, it's like the same demon possessed Daniel or something.

OK DANIELLLLL!!! I SEE YOUUUUUU, KING!!!! 😩😩👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

AYO, IS THAT JAKE'S OLDER BROTHER??? 👀 HOW TF JAMES LEE KNEW ABOUT HIM AND NOT EVEN HIS OWN BROTHER, JAKE KIM KNEW ABOUT HIM UNTIL TOM LEE MENTIONED HIM??? 💀💀💀💀

Geez, I'm starting to feel bad for Jichang. Like, ok Daniel, I get it. Your fight with Jichang started because you're trying to find out more about Jinyoung and all that, but... y'all can't just... talk it out? 😅 "Civilized folks" style? No? Ok.

Oh crap... that's not good. 😬

B R U H. THESE PANELS GAVE ME MAD GOOSEBUMPS. SHIIIIIT. I HOPE DANIEL'S HOMIES ARRIVE!!!! 😖

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I KNEW ITTTTTTT!!! I TOLD Y'ALL WTF. 😭😭😭😭😭😭 I EVEN KNEW IT IN THE LAST REVIEW HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I GOT PSYCHIC POWERS. 🔮

SEE???? I CONCLUDED THIS LAST WEEK WITH MY OWN WORDS, BRUH. CALL ME A... G E N I U S. ✨ (Actually don't. I'm still a dumbass.)

"Thanks. I almost died just now." 💀💀💀💀 Idk why I thought that line from Hudson was funny to me LMFAOOO. Just caught me off guard because I mostly see him being so serious all the time. Also, Jichang... don't underestimate Daniel lol. It'll be your downfall if you do.

I stg. Almost every chapter, Daniel always gets even more attractive. 😍😍

I always see people comment on how Daniel is turning more into Gun due to how he has improved in fighting as the story progresses. HOWEVER, I've never heard Daniel becoming James Lee before and I find that concept very interesting. I'm not sure if PTJ is leading Daniel towards that path of him becoming the new "James Lee", since he is a self-righteous character who seeks truth.

Even though I find this moment to be very cool, I worry that Daniel might create more enemies for himself and I hope he doesn't kill anyone then spiral into long-term guilt like James Lee.

God, I still can't get over the GUN SHOWER PANELS. AHHHHHHHHH!!! HIM... NAKED??? I MEAN, COME ON MAN. HE LITERALLY IS EXPENSIVE ALCOHOL WHO REALLY AGED SO GOOD. SO TASTY. SO DELICIOUS. SO SCRUMPT-DIDDLY-UMPTIOUUUSSSSS!!! CALL ME A CONNOISSEUR, BUT HE CAN BE THE YAMATO TO MY HENNESSY, WITH HIS HIGH PRICED SEXY ASS. 🤤🤤🖤🖤🖤🖤

If any one mentions him in the shower, yk Imma be "showering" down there. 💦

ALSO, WE NEED MORE SHOWER FAN SERVICE PTJ. KEEP 'EM COMING!!!

The correct answer is "Both".

They'd be amazing Calvin Klein models.

Anyways, BYE- 🏃🏽‍♀️

[elizaditton]

TSTBA And Life Update

Hey everyone, I thought I'd give an update on what's going on with me and on my progress with Too Small To Be Afraid. TL;DR at the bottom for those who just want the quick deets.

I've been struggling to work on the story since the start of the summer, mainly because I got a "real" job (as part of the IT department at a local high school). Despite the fact that it's only 17.5 hours a week (3.5 hours every weekday), it was a lot more than what I was used to (which was literally doing nothing except for volunteering at various places maybe one to three times a week), and it took me a really, really long time to adjust to that mentally. I would come home dead tired and just... not feel like writing. Or doing anything at all. Sometimes I'd come home at 3:00 pm and proceed to take The World's Longest Nap™ only to wake up when it was time to go to bed anyway. Part of this, I realize, is probably the result of an undiagnosed sleeping disorder of some kind (my psychiatrist says maybe sleep apnea) mixed with ADHD telling my brain to Not Work™. But yeah, this has been a major contributing factor in my lack of writing time recently. And on top of that, I got another job working for my church on Sundays as a Production Assistant, which has so far been awesome, but it means I'm also exhausted on weekends. Not only am I working 7 hours on Sunday (setup + rehearsal + service + do all that again for the second service), but I'm also waking up at 4:30 am now at the very latest on Sundays depending on what campus I'm working at. And on top of all that, I'm still working occasionally for my old boss one Saturday out of every month until he wants me to start coming in more frequently. So all in all, I'm pretty much working every day but Saturday, except for when I'm also working on Saturday. And I do enjoy working all of these jobs, it's just that I've been struggling to adjust to working so much and how to balance that with my hobbies and my home and family life. So there's been little time for writing these past few months.

The writing club I was a part of also lowkey disbanded as we haven't been meeting for several months. (Hi if any of you are reading this, I miss you guys lol.) Before we stopped meeting, I was pumping out a new chapter at least every two weeks, and it was amazing! I was part of a group that encouraged each other to write and on top of that even edited/critiqued each other's writing. I really do miss it. The group always got me so motivated to write during the week and to write during our meetings, and I haven't felt that same joy about writing since we stopped meeting. I'm thinking I'll start another writing group, either online or at my church. Leaning towards at my church since I need in-person contact with people, but idk hit me up if you're interested in an online writer's group??? Or being a beta reader???

Lastly, something that's actually related to the story itself. The plot. Hoooooooo boy the plot. The plot is... a thing that exists. There's things I want to tie into the story that I want to be a big deal, but I'm not sure if I introduced enough elements beforehand for things to make sense if I go the route I want? Then there's the fact that I look back at the first few chapters and sort of cringe, thinking of all the things I'd change if I would let myself have at it before the first draft is done. But yeah. Things are... going. I've been very, VERY slowly but surely working on fixing up things in my outline so I know where I'm going, but yeah, all the aforementioned has kinda made it hard to actually write.

So that's where I've been. So where do we go from here?

For one thing, I'm at least somewhat confident that chapter 18 WILL come out in the next few weeks, before the end of the month. It's going to be a long one, and I hope it's worth the wait.

I previously had a goal of finishing my first draft by the end of the year, but if I'm honest, I'm thinking I won't get there until at least the spring of 2025. And then, of course, after that comes editing, revising, rewriting, and so on. I'll likely be writing at least a second draft before I even think about printing.

But can you expect me to update more regularly from now on? To be honest, I have no idea. All I know is that this book is still my dream, and I haven't given up on it yet. As long as this fire continues to burn within me, I'm going to continue to write. As long as it takes. Until it's done. But maybe starting another writing club would help hold me accountable for regular updates, ha ha.

Thank you all for your unwavering support as I've gone through this journey. Whenever I see someone's been enjoying this story, it fills me with so much joy, you don't understand. I hold every little comment close to my heart.

Thanks for reading, and I hope to see you soon with an update to the story!

TL;DR: I suddenly acquired three jobs and am very tired all the time. This combined with no accountability after my writing club lowkey disbanded has made writing difficult. I'm still writing, slowly but surely. Expect a new (and long) chapter this month for sure. Hmu if interested in starting a writing club/being a beta reader btw

[ouatsqincorrect]

What does the family think of the differences between EF and the land without magic? About the religion and culture? About capitalism? About electricity and clean water and the accommodations and all the modern commodities? About the laws, rights, freedom? All the thing you can find in one place but not the other? About the nostalgia of their childhood realm? About what they think was better in the EF and was lost in our world?

Which world is favored by each member of the family? What would they want changed in it? If they end up there, what do they want to keep with them from the other world or to find a way to make it exist in their chosen world?

(Also, remember I haven't watched all the show yet)

Do you think that people from Storybrook having ended back in the EF used their knowledge of the other world to make progress in their realm? Like scientific et technical improvements and inventions. Did they advocated for changing the old laws to more progressive rights. Do you think the people could make a revolution to start a Republic? (à la française)

What kind of idea could people having lived in such different places could have had from this experience?

(Sorry that was a very long and poorly worded question. List of questions. Anyway. Sorry for this.)

woah. ok, im gonna try my best to answer this but no promises that’ll it actually be coherent lol

let’s just go down the list. (oh and if you haven’t watched the entire show yet, there’s a spoiler for s3 in the first point)

1. i think by season four, we see that everyone is pretty much totally ok with living in storybrooke instead of the enchanted forest, and honestly, i think it was that missing year when they had to go back that ultimately proved how much they really like our world. there’s plumbing, electricity, a life expectancy that’s longer than 40 years—honestly, i don’t think casting the curse in maine, in our world, was the worst place regina could’ve sent them, and i think they’re all pretty much aware of this fact by the end of s3.

2. i’m gonna preface this by saying i am extremely non-religious (thank you four years of religious trauma) so my answer might reflect that, but i don’t think anyone of them really care too much about religion. i think some of them (regina, belle, rumple) have probably studied it a bit, but that’s just for the knowledge and understanding. they believe in zeus and hades and all that—our world’s religions don’t really mean much to them, at least personally. as far as culture goes, i think most of them really like learning about the culture of this world (again, especially regina and belle, maybe rumple too—oh, and zelena). they want to know more about the place they live. it’s not like they’re going back to the enchanted forest, so they might as well learn about this world some more.

3. i don’t think capitalism really matters to them all that much because storybrooke doesn’t seem to really…fall under it in the same way? at least, not for this family. regina’s been saving money as mayor for the last 30 or so years, the curse made rumple rich. we don’t see any of them really have any issues with money. so, as far as this family goes, i don’t think they think about capitalism as much as we do. (everyone else in storybrooke might be a different story, but idk)

4. i think i answered the other ones already so i’m skipping to the nostalgia of their childhood realm. this really depends on who you’re talking about. regina had such a rough go of it in the enchanted forest, there probably isn’t much nostalgia for her. she’d probably like to not think about it much at all. david, on the other hand, had a lot of happy memories, so it probably means more to him to reminisce.

5. the only thing i can think of that might’ve been better in the enchanted forest was the hope. our world can be so much crueler, even with better living conditions. there was some idealized type of happiness in the enchanted forest that they don’t get here (i’m not saying there wasn’t heartbreak—there definitely was, it’s just the way some of them dealt with it—the way the realm as a whole dealt with it—was a little different), and that might be what they miss about it, but honestly, i think they all realize that those feelings the enchanted forest brought were sort of false and misleading. remember in s1 when grumpy said he needs his pain because it makes him who he is? i think, for some, that’s what our world does. it allows them to deal with their pain without feeling like it’s wrong, or like they should just be hopeful all the time. it’s more realistic. so, actually, the hope in the enchanted forest wasn’t better at all, but maybe it’s the thing some of them miss from time to time.

6. everyone in this family is happy and content with living in our world. living in storybrooke can occasionally be a different story, but they all like living in this realm better than the enchanted forest. this is home to them. i think, as time goes on, bits and pieces of life in the enchanted forest makes its way into storybrooke. little things, like sometimes granny will make a soup that was popular back in the enchanted forest, or the way you’ll look up into the sky and sometimes see a dragon. but overall, they like living here. the enchanted forest was home to them once, but now it’s more of a reminder as to why they continue to fight for their home in storybrooke, and why they actually really do love this town and this realm, even if they have to spend their entire lives protecting it.

7. i’ve never really thought much about what the people who have gone back gone back to the enchanted forest are doing there, but yeah, i would think they’d advocate for better rights and better conditions. i think the queen, for one, would definitely try to advance women’s rights after learning how truly messed up the way women in the enchanted forest are treated is at times.

[pampulonad]

AGHSNAHANWAGAANAHSNA IM SO NORMAL ABOUT YOUR REPLY TO MY ASK,, @^@""""""""""""

also.. yesterday I spent 4. hours hard (/gender neutral) as fuuuuuuc b/c I ate ice cream + applesauce + fiber gummies + multiple glasses of water + fuit gummi (later in) and it made my belly SO. FUCKING. BIG AND ROOOOUND HOLY SHIT I FELT SO SO SO SEXY,,, I took SOOOOO many pictures of myself in tight clothes, different angles and some mirror pics, and I took some like progression photos ? and I am o b s e s s e d with swiping through them and seeing my belly bloat up bigger and bigger and oh my godddd. my belly was just fucking BULGING and felt sooo HEAVY and FULL and in the pics you can see the band of my lower belly puff up bigger and bigger and,,

hHHH I fucking groped and fondled and grabbed at my teenie littl belly roll and hips and thighs and ass for HOURS and I felt so fucking hot holy shittt I am actually in love with my own body bro I cannot lie ;; I've been trying passively lol to put a little weight on for the past few years, since (a) processing that I was underweight and (b) accepting that I am more attracted to big squishy bodies, b/c I realized I wanted a bigger squishier body

but yeah my tummy is still so so smol but I love it SOOOOOOOOO SO MUCH and I kept moaning that I have the sexiest tummy alive and moaning about my yummy roll(s) and squish and @~@"""""""" moaning that I'm so in love with my body as I made love to it and !!!!!! 🏳️‍⚧️ pleasure and self-intimacy (emotional and physical and sexual and mental and textual and medical and) ftw-

oghF and I haven't even gotten to how sloshy i was,, and later on that band of my lower belly got sooo gurgly~ and I recorded its grumbles and t-o-u-c-h-e-d-m-y-s-e-l-f to the playback and nngh..

and yeah this all took place over 5-6 hours @_@""

mMphhhhhhfUCK I am HORNIEE all over again for how fucking full I felt and how fucking sexy I was and the audio I captured and holy fuckkk I forgor to mention I recorded myself c-u-m-m-i-n-g for the first time (have never captured that before) and it is m e s m e r i z i n g ,, ? ?? I've never actually seen or heard what I'm like when I c-u-m and umhh.. to put it simply itttt VALIDATES the data is collected for 4 hours leading up to it so to summarize the results: in conclusion i am SOOOOOOOOO fucking sexyy,,,, I literally g-o-t off AGAIN to the video of me c-u-m-m-i-n-g in which I ram my fingers into my stomach to make my belly slosh all heavy and =@~@=""" in sync with myself just 30 minutes after..

but umhhh yea I wanted to share,,,, @~@""" I am still thinking about it and sweating profusely-

,.. ps I had some post c-o-i-t-a-l dysphoria afterward that I just distracted from eventually, but y'all got any advice or resources for handling that post-nut clarity? for me i know it's goin to involve some self acceptance, this is my kink and this is what I g-e-t-o-f-f to... i did some soothing affirmative self-talk that it's okay this is what I like and it's okay for me to love myself like this but. yeah if you or anyone has some words of wisdom I'd. take them

~ 💚💛

being comfortable with and loving your body? we love that here. i can confidently say that even with my intense voice dysphoria i still really find myself flushing hard at audios of myself when i jack off.

it’s poetic in a way to know how you sound during such an intimate moment because once you’re able to think and hear it for yourself, it feels so. idk? sexy???? mesmerizing as you put it

also for the last part: if you’re talking like “oh god i got off to this thing” i mostly just go “what the hell. everyone’s got weird shit they get off to and it ain’t right to be shaming others so why shame myself? bit of a double standard buddy” and then move on to whatever i want to do.

i don’t really bathe in the afterglow because my brain is quick to get distracted. the best i can say for handling it is that you are your own worst critic… just fuck yourself safely LOL

[clockworksteel]

Well, quarter of the way through the year. Might as well review how the goals are doing.

Overall, despite the lack of any notable bad events, it was kinda a rough start. Too many appointments, perhaps. There's my housemate's ongoing medical issues (probably some sort of appointment every 1-2 weeks on average so far this year, plus trips to the pharmacy), my vehicle safety inspection came due in February, did taxes, had my own doctor appointment, there were dentist appointments that didn't actually happen, plus of course the worse end of daylight savings happens in the first quarter.

Anyway, the goals:

1: Have some sort of exercise habit again

Honestly, nothing to comment on here. I haven't even made plans.

2: Take care of at least one longstanding thing in the house

I put the auto-closer on the back door, although without the chain that it kinda also needs to deal with the wind. Still, reasonable progress on an unambitious goal. Should've probably made it, like, 2-3 tasks. I'd like to get the water heater replaced in the next few months.

3: Clear the stacks of papers from my desk

I've done a couple sessions of cleaning the papers a little, just looking through for anything that was an obvious trash/shred. Mail has come in too, but I think the stacks are overall lower. Still, need to step it up.

4: Make some more progress on gender stuff

Not much concrete progress here. I haven't really sat down and just thought about things at all. (Also there's been a thing that's been bothering me about my parents and religion since my last visit on Christmas break which has kinda consumed my idle thoughts a bit. May need to try to put it all into words at some point.)

Still, I've made notes of various stray thoughts, events, and dreams as relevant. That's resulted in 15 distinct notes so far this year. I won't be sharing all of them in detail.

I think the most meaningful one is that, after earning the Challenge Enthusiasts goal "Void Given Focus" I thought that would be really cool as a gender. And you know what? When I'm gaming, that's what I am. I don't think it applies when not gaming though. So I guess that's just the "Clyceer" gender. They/them pronouns for that still.

The other ones are some variation on "sure wish I was trans", notes about dreams, and also I have another dress now.

5: Earn at least 100 more Challenge Enthusiasts points

I thought this was going to be a whole-year goal, I already have earned 110 points. Perhaps my neglect of other things hasn't entirely been due to exhaustion, but also a lot of these were just done on my weekly Saturday streams.

I'll probably keep going for more points, but may slow down the off-camera stuff. My full notes also include the start times, but here's just the points.

Jan 23: Ittle Dew got a 5 point objective that I'd already completed (won't count for goal, but is a point gain, technically noticed on Jan 29)

Feb 4: Achieved Lone Fungus "Spores and Spells" objective (10 points)

Feb 5: Achieved the Blasphemous' Miracle of Penance (10 points)

Feb 7: Achieved FTL's Federation Victory (15 points)

Feb 10: Achieved Hollow Knight's Void Given Focus (30 points)

Mar 2: Achieved Patch Quest's Monster Hunter (5 points)

Mar 9: Achieved Haiku, the Robot's Anti-Corruption Protocol (15 points)

Mar 23: Achieved ZeroRanger Grapefruit Smasher (15 points)

Mar 23: Cyber Hook's Retrowave Traceur (10 points, and my first First Person points) Full Challenge Enthusiasts profile: https://cedb.me/user/9f1f4644-b3d3-40b7-a348-fb9ce59222c4

6: Finish Factorio and at least one other game that I haven't played in over 4 months

Yeah, the other video game-related goal is done already too. Should probably throw in Yooka-Laylee and the Impossible Lair sometime this year. It's a Challenge Enthusiasts goal, and all I need to do is beat the titular Impossible Lair with the completed bee shield.

Jan 18: Finished Hue, which hadn't been played since May 27 2023

Jan 25: Finished Factorio

Feb 18: Started Psychonauts 2: I'd never started it, but bought it long ago enough that I'm writing it. Probably will take a while because it's a video playthrough, but is basically guaranteed to finish now.

Unrelated to any start of year goal, I've also taken up interest in the Super Mario Maker Team 0%, and have started helping out with Super Mario Maker 2. I've beaten 13 levels from 2020 so far this year. Not any that were particularly impressive, but cleaning up the mere Expert levels and kinda garbage Super Expert levels frees up time for the good players to grind the truly tough ones.

[nordic-language-love]

Hi! I’ve seen you talk about italki on here in the past. How do you find it? Worth the money? Does it feel awkward? I’ve been using duolingo to learn Spanish (did like beginners years ago at school) and after some duo am at a2 now. feeling like as much as duo is good, I never actually talk to anyone and I probably need that to level me up any further. Hope you don’t mind me sending this ask, you always seem really nice and helpful on your blog. All the best!

Hi there! Personally I like italki for a number of reasons:

1) I'm paying the person to listen to my shit grammar and correct my mistakes. That means I don't feel like I have to apologise or feel embarrassed (which is the main reason I didn't want to do free language exchange - I felt sorry for the poor person who had to listen to my bad grammar/pronunciation etc).

2) I'm making a commitment. I'm pretty hopeless at making myself do things and setting aside time for things, so booking a lesson means I'm committed to showing up at that time to practice my Norwegian (and I can't back out last minute because you're not allowed to cancel within 24 hours of a lesson).

3) It gives me a little more direction. When you're a beginner, it's quite easy to pick topics to learn (clothes, food, hobbies etc), but as you progress into intermediate (especially B2 level), it can be difficult to know what exactly to study. Having a tutor helps because either they'll have a syllabus for you to follow, or you'll find out through conversation what vocabulary you're lacking.

4) It boosts my confidence. I've never had a tutor who made me feel stupid; they've always been really encouraging, even when I've struggled to express myself.

5) Unless they're quite new and they're only community tutors, they have experience or knowledge of how to give useful feedback (although I recommend mentioning beforehand that you want feedback and what kind of feedback is useful for you - do you want to be interrupted? Do you want corrections/feedback to be sent after the class? Do you only want them to correct specific grammar mistakes? Suggest vocabulary? At A2 level you'll probably make more mistakes than can realistically be corrected in a single session, plus some tutors are reluctant to give corrections because they think it'll damage your confidence).

As for awkward, it's usually not awkward for me. Sometimes you don't vibe with someone and then the 30 minutes is a little strained, but generally speaking you can get a good idea as to whether you'll vibe with someone by looking at their profile and watching their video. I usually come to class armed with a few questions about synonyms/grammar/culture, so that if conversation's a bit of a struggle, I can fall back on those. I highly recommend that you book a trial lesson (or just a 30-minute lesson if you've run out) first to see if you vibe and ask the tutor about how they run their classes, what materials they use, how they give feedback etc (I feel like this is obvious, but I get a surprising number of package requests for hour-long lessons from people who haven't even sent me a message).

I do however want to be absolutely clear that it isn't necessary to spend your money on a tutor to improve your language level. There are lots of language exchange apps where you can find people to talk to, and there are sometimes even helpful tumblrs who'll offer to chat with you too (or at least give corrections/feedback on things you post on tumblr). You may be able to find a language partner on the italki community too. Talking to yourself is another a great way to practice speaking if you don't have anyone to talk to but don't want to spend money on a tutor (although of course you won't get corrections unless you post it somewhere).

Sorry for the essay lmao hope it was helpful! Good luck learning Spanish!

[honeykuwu]

I posted 6,901 times in 2022

That's 2,462 more posts than 2021!

11 posts created (0%)

6,890 posts reblogged (100%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@futurewgarbage

@dingdongyouarewrong

@merganfm

@vrabia

@smarter-than-the-average-blonde

I tagged 448 of my posts in 2022

#ml spoilers - 111 posts

#fnaf security breach - 64 posts

#fnaf gregory - 46 posts

#security breach - 43 posts

#glamrock freddy - 40 posts

#ml s5 spoilers - 33 posts

#fnaf sb - 31 posts

#marichat - 30 posts

#ml season 5 spoilers - 23 posts

#mlb spoilers - 18 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#i could go on and on about how this is can be used in order to isolate people and create even more difficulty in maintaining a living space

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

So I've been watching refill/restock videos, as one does, and I keep wondering... do these bitches not have any actual food? Like thry have some mezeluri and a crap tone of juices and cheese and sweets and maybe some vegetables and fruit... but like no actual food? Like, idk if I'm speaking for all romanian peeps, but you usually have o oala de ciorba sau de supa si alta with some leftover food, like do these people just know exactly how much to cook? Are they buying all their food premade? I am so confused, yet so intrigued...

4 notes - Posted May 31, 2022

#4

Man, a few years ago I saw this cool post that explained how vampires would most likely function if they existed based on like actual blood consuming bats anatomy and it was really cool and had drawn examples of stuff and I loved it, but I can't find it, so like if anyone knows what I'm talking about could you please send it to me? I would really appreciate it, I loved that post, with the bladey teeth and all

4 notes - Posted February 3, 2022

#3

Ok, am I going insane, or did they change this??

6 notes - Posted February 2, 2022

#2

Yk, if they're switching the dynamics now for adrinette, does that mean we get pinning Adrien for the future season, cause please!!! We deserve to see mushy Adrien for three seasons, I feel like thay would balance things more. A dream..

26 notes - Posted July 5, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Ok, so I absolutely love Security Breach, but I wanted to make a lost of things I feel would have made the game more enjoyable for me. It's just personal preference, it's ok if you guys don't agree. So here we go:

♡ more Freddy interactions. I really hate that he doesn't talk unless it's an event. Give him idle lines when he moves, both near Greg or with Greg inside. Make him send Greg random messages during the night, basically sell to us that they have a bond, build it throughout the night. I just fee like we would all have benefited from more papa beat and feral boy interactions.

♡ Make the hours advance slower and more equal? Idk man if I'm wrong, but I felt like the game progressed a little too fast and random? I just think it would help to get a bit more time

♡ More Vanny, the amount of times we see her is ridiculous...she was supposed to be the main villain, but I never got a real sense of danger from her. Add more chases from her. Make her randomly taunt Greg. Make her sometimes speak through the animatronics. Give us small scene where we see her interact with them. Idk, just add her more.

♡ Add more story elements: I personally feel like the story is held together with tape and that it was not the focus of the game, which imo left a lot of unanswered questions, like why do the animatronics keep getting more beat-up throughout the night, what is the deal with Vanessa, what is the deal with Greg, why is only Freddy not corrupted an so on. I feel there should have been more story elements added throughout, like small cut-scenes or lines of dialogue

♡ Allows us to actually race for a bit with Roxy, I found it kinda sad that it was only a cut-scene

♡ It would have been cool if we could also save the rest of the animatronics, not just decommission them and thus make them allies. I haven't really thought how, if I come up with an idea I will add, but I feel that is should be a more difficult mission than to decommission them, since it basically transforms and enemy into an ally. And taking from the Freddy part, give them some lines as well, I just think it would be sweet. Also with this addition, you create extra endings depending on who you saved.

♡ Remake the Afton final boss, I may be the only one, but I feel that this one was really underwhelming, I think it should have been longer and required Freddy a lot more, needed a bit more action. Taking from the points above, I feel like it would have been cool if you only had Freddy to be a harder boss and more bearable if you had everyone, or just get progressively easier the more you added to your roster. I also feel like the true ending should be with all of them. Also tell us what happened to Vanny. I feel like none of the endings actually touch all the issues in the pizza plex and while I get the idea behind it, I still feel there should have been one that figures out everything.

♡ I feel like there should be an extra panel named Extras :)) where you can see all things collected throughout your runs, so you don't run into the issue of losing everything just cause you got it after six

♡ this one is really not that important, but I think it would have been cool if there was a chance to do sth so that you can restore the ability to save during the after six am part, not really necessary, just and idea

♡ also more Vanessa, she also barely appeared snd didn't feel like an actual threat.

That's all I can think of for now. If I come up with any other ideas, I'll add them to the list

Thank y'all for taking the time to read this whole thing. Have an awesome night!

133 notes - Posted January 3, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[lonelier-version-of-you]

Time for "Primum Non Nocere" part 2, ft. Henrik giving John the cutest look he's ever given anyone over the whole 12 years he was on the show!!!

Edit 1: Fleur!!

Edit 2: Not John monologuing on main.

Edit 3: Obsessed with the all-lowercase "fifteen hours earlier" right in the bottom left of the screen.

Edit 4: Did John just say the anaesthetist was called Dr. Maja?? Or did I imagine that because that name comes up a lot in a certain fanfic I'm working on???

Edit 5: OH FUCK NOT JASON.

Edit 6: Dr. Philippe Duplessis has to be one of my favourite one-off Holby characters. I just love his enthusiasm.

Edit 7: Fleur!!! Jac's ex!! (Sorry, I heard the "Fleur and Jac are exes" theory from that anon once and immediately latched onto it.)

Edit 8: Jac to John: "Come too far not to trust you now."

Edit 9: Bernie still looking great.

Edit 10: "And then Gaskell went off somewhere - probably some archaic Neuro ritual."

Edit 11: John telling Meena she did the right thing like he's not about to kick her off the trial.

Edit 12: John monologuing again. His whole "progress requires sacrifice" philosophy is actually really interesting. If they'd stuck with him being so obsessed with saving Lana he didn't care if other patients died, that would've been far more interesting than making him a murderer.

Edit 13: Jason sticking up for Greta! Good for him.

Edit 14: John doing the "walk with me" thing, a la Henrik (and Anton Meyer before them, apparently, but I haven't seen that far back).

Edit 15: Oof, Berena arguing.

Edit 16: "Not without a miracle." Religious/spiritual themes popping up again.

Edit 17: Omggg Sacha talking about Fletch and Abigail's relationship in front of Abigail without knowing it's her Fletch is dating.

Edit 18: RIC WALKING IN LMAOOO

Edit 19: John dissociating on main. Patrick Homes really leaned into the whole 'crazy John' thing, and not in a good way. ://

Edit 20: JOHNRIK

Edit 21: I love how this scene is framed as if John is looking in the mirror and seeing Henrik.

Edit 22: Oof not John snapping at Henrik :(

Edit 23: Oh fuck the other trial patient is in a coma! And John is monologuing again!

Edit 24: John talking about people being defined by choices is always fascinating, given the later reveal that he doesn't believe in consciousness/free will.

Edit 25: Ric having no idea what everyone else is going on about at the meeting is hilarious!

Edit 26: Ah, that Fleur and Bernie scene.

Edit 27: "Statistically speaking, you should've broken up weeks ago!" I LOVE Greta.

Also, her saying "I'm fine! This is to be expected!" and then screaming in pain is very me.

Edit 28: Rox when John is dissociating: "Are you okay, John??" Does he LOOK okay??

Edit 29: "Sacha, that makes literally no sense." Ric in this episode is me in every conversation I've ever had.

Edit 30: "Does anyone have any idea what Mr. Levy is talking about??"

Edit 31: "Do you have any idea what that was all about?" "I just work here." Actual exchange between the Holby fandom and the Holby scriptwriters being made to write out those terrible storylines in Holby's final years, I swear.

Edit 32: Charlotte Dunn mention! It's so weird that Holby never introduced her.

Edit 33: Serena talking about Elinor. :(

Edit 34: But awww, Bernie hugging her!

Edit 35: Abi looking great in this episode. I love her fashion sense.

Also, Fletch, you're scared of being serious with a woman because you're gay, love.

Edit 36: "Can we get this meeting over and done with, please?!"

Edit 37: Jac asking John "what have you done to me?". And John's response, I've already forgotten it exactly but it's something like "nothing more than you asked for".

Edit 38: Maybe it's not going to work in the short-term, Serena, but your and Bernie's love ended up defying death so... that's an indicator it worked I think. 😂

Edit 39: Jemma Redgrave is so good.

Edit 40: Is it me or is John being a little gay with Dr. Philippe Duplessis?

Edit 41: Guinevere Elinor, awww.

Edit 42: OMG not Donna and Fleur giving sapphic advice to Serena. I love it.

Edit 43: I love Abigail.

Edit 44: Kind of cute watching Serena tell Bernie she needs their relationship to work in hindsight of them now being married.

Edit 45: Sacha on Jac: "She ignores the pain. She's done it her entire life." :(

Edit 46: John saying the neoconduit could cause more harm than good is incredibly dark in light of the theory that it caused Jac's tumour.

Edit 47: LOOK AT HIM HE'S SO IN LOVE

Edit 48: John monologuing again and I missed most of it because I was uploading that Henrik pic. Lmao.

Edit 49: "Are you asking me out on a date?" "Yes, yes I am." Henruss wore that conversation much better than Flabigail.

Edit 50: Oof, John kicking Meena off the trial.

Edit 51: John saying the neoconduit "may, one day, kill Jac Naylor." OOF. I know she did have it removed by Guy Self in November 2018 and if the tumour started growing after that it's unlikely to have been related to John's experiments (and if it had started surely it would have been noticed) but even the slimmest chance that it was makes these episodes incredibly dark.

[winterywitch]

I just want to say that I really admire the depth you put into your OC's and your confidence in talking about them! I'd like to learn more about them, but I'm on mobile and it isn't letting me search the tags, so... are there any W@tchtower Grotto characters you haven't talked much about that you'd want to talk about?

oh!! ;-; gee thank you.......................

uhhhhhhh gee idk why but it feels like i dont have an actual comprehensive post on who/what nana actually is bc most of my friends know him very well already? so here’s that

hes like... early 30s?? in terms of appearance/maturity, hes the godking of the country in midnight

nana is uh... certainly a rebel at his core thats one way to put it, a lot of core things about him for better or for worse challenge the status quo. he thinks this is a good thing 100% of the time, like he’s some kind of radical rebelling against an oppressive norm on every single norm he challenges. (its not)

he is RIDICULOUSLY people-smart, hes likely an empath and could easily be called a genius when it comes to reading people and understanding how people tend to work.

if he were a dnd character he’d be a sorceror, he casts from charisma not intelligence [though he is certainly NOT lacking in that department]

hes definitely considered the leader of his little commune of kings [involving desiderius, hachi and kyuun], those three tend to defer to him and seek him out for advice [well. they mostly Used to now its just hachi that does that last part]

he sees himself as a teacher and guide to people, which isnt inaccurate necessarily!

hes very good to his people, his country as a whole is doing pretty well financially, there’s a vibe there of everyone taking care of one another! not to mention the fact that its lovely visually

he’s right about most things and he’s comfortably aware of the fact that he’s right about most things. but hes open to being corrected! he cant possibly be right about everything ALL the time!! he just has to consider you an authority on what youre talking about, which is something he very rarely considers other people to be, or he might just ignore your correction. but sometimes he wont, which makes you feel kinda silly for pointing out his tendency for hypocrisy! how confusing. it’s hard to keep up with this one.

he, like all of his colleagues minus desiderius, thinks he is the only Good King while all the others are complete messes who dont know what theyre doing or are just flat out bad people. but like, yknow, its a fucked up dysfunctional family! that’s totally normal, right??1/11

something about him just makes you think “theres a guy who knows his shit,” its probably his sturdy [outward] confidence, his [appearance of] wisdom, his [very real] intelligence and his long list of supporters that make you think that about him

his hair is weird as shit! there are ‘stars’ in it that glow, not BLINDINGLY bright but i mean yknow, they do glow, and where theyre embedded in his hair theres increased physical sensitivity. pulling on this guy’s hair fucking HURTS, even petting it can be uncomfortable if youre not really really careful. not to mention a fucking haircut, good lord (haha)

his parents were kind of like... very emotionally shallow, they were the sorts of people to be like Oh I’m Fine ^_^ at everything, and in subtle and hard-to-detect ways, they would punish nana for showing emotion of any kind (for example, laughing at him when he would cry at sad things as a child). because of this, he is now very open about his emotions and embraces them as something he should listen to and follow rather than only relying on cold logic as his parents tried to have him do. (its a lot more sinister in practice than it sounds, because yeah most of the time it is innocent like this but at the same time, he takes his own feelings VERY seriously and if you hurt them, even if it’s just by having boundaries, he will identify you as someone mistreating him or even abusing him depending on how close you are]

[heres where we get into The Shit, big tw for abuse, csa/pedophilia and “marital” sexual abuse/assault]

his closest friend and advisor arya kurosawa has been his best friend since they were both teenagers. they met when arya was 14 and nana was 17 [in terms of appearance/maturity are what those ages refer to, they were both immortal] and they got along very well.

of course by very well i mean on top of getting along very well, nana has ALWAYS had an inherent, base-level disrespect for arya’s boundaries. it’s been there since they were teens, and it mostly manifested in nana pressuring arya to do [mostly innocent - but the pressure and coercion made them not so innocent] things he was scared to do.

they were inseparable pretty much ever since they met and VERY, very in love with each other

they definitely were a romantic item by the time nana inherited the throne from his mother, and the age gap was definitely concerning but it only grew more concerning as nana’s mental/appearance age rose because he was growing up emotionally and psychologically and arya’s... stagnated.

when nana was in his early 30s so to speak, arya was stuck at 14-15 or so. and like... they didnt really see anything weird about that, they figured “well we both met when we were kids so its not like nana is a pedophile or anything, why question something so good?”

to someone who didnt know better wrt age gaps in romantic relationships and pedophilia, the relationship between those two would have looked completely normal and healthy. there was certainly an appearance of mutual respect, support, love and commitment

nana could only treat a 14-15 year old so much like his equal. to be totally honest, even since they were teenagers, nana treated arya like his inferior, like a student that needed to be taught, and that dynamic only grew/got worse as nana aged mentally.

but at the same time arya also taught nana so many things! see? nana wasn’t some condescending prick! obviously everything is fine. there were a lot of ways sometimes in which ARYA was the adult and nana was the child ^_^ so it’s equal, right?

arya certainly didnt know any better, nana was the love of his life and that was all there was to it. he knew [because of nana] that any discrimination they might face due to their ages in this relationship was simply unfounded, cruel bigotry from a species of essentially cavemen who were afraid of fire. he knew he was progressive for his time, in a couple decades probably everyone else would come to their senses too!

long story short, one day arya very quickly, almost violently realized EXACTLY everything that was wrong. nana’s condescending behavior had come to a head and someone arya considered a playful rival had forced him, very painfully, to face the truth of what this relationship was: abuse from a man who should know better, taking advantage of a boy who didnt.

arya couldnt exactly love nana after realizing this. and it really fucking sucked. he really wanted to go back to the way things used to be, he wanted to “undiscover” what he’d discovered, but there was no way back and he felt so broken and dirty and ungrateful and bratty and selfish for suddenly feeling this way.

nana on the other hand noticed arya very suddenly averse to being touched or held or even looked at. for a while, he was very understanding about this - what that playful rival did was essentially cast a spell and at first he thought arya was just sick or physically not well or something, and that he’d get better soon.

he didn’t.

nana didn’t know what to do. suddenly arya was neglecting him, acting like he was terrified of nana. he’d never been like this before, what happened? it’s incredibly painful and confusing, losing the love of your life like that; one day you’re everything to them, and the next they’re flinching every time you raise your hand around them. nana had never hit him or abused him verbally... in fact, it was nana who HELPED ARYA gain the strength and courage he needed to become independent from his emotionally abusive parents. so why was nana suddenly the bad guy? he had no idea what happened, why, how to fix it, or anything like that.

eventually he snapped, unable to take being deprived of love and attention like this, so he just took whatever he wanted, physically, not caring what arya thought of it.

he knew it was wrong. he knew he’d definitely crossed the line into objectively unforgivable actions. but he was almost too afraid to stop and relinquish this power over arya, because then he had to A.) lose arya, and B.) be held accountable for his actions. both two very terrifying things he saw no personal gain in.

that went on for a long time, until nana sort of... slowly realized he was feeling weaker and weaker, more prone to physical weariness dizziness, severe headaches and nausea, and he didn’t put 2 and 2 together until it was too late.

arya had figured out how to start poisoning him and getting away with it.

by that point, nana realized not just what was happening and why, but also that he unquestionably, factually deserved this pain and much, much more. that realization was too much for him, it sort of broke him psychologically for a very long time, leaving him completely helpless to whatever revenge arya decided to take on him

[it was all physical and psychological torture, but arya was certain NEVER to stoop to his level and sexually abuse nana. he couldnt even think of sleeping with nana “consensually” anyway, it made him horribly sick to even consider]

eventually after a long-ass time of this, arya just got sick of looking at nana and couldn’t even be around him anymore without feeling absolutely god-awful, so he just abandoned nana, leaving him to fester in his broken body and mind

and y’know, stuff happens after that, but thats all there really is to the most prominent phase of nana’s development in THIS story. i also play him in his phase of development after that last bullet point [roughly 200 years later], where he’s fucked up in all kinds of ways and totally deserving it, but also trying to... not really redeem himself or anything like that, he knows that’s not really a thing, but rather to make himself useful to good people who want to do the right thing, in a dnd campaign

nana goes through a SHIT TON of changes, to the point that each phase of his development has his own individual profile on toyhou.se, he’s become a Big Trauma Coping Character for me and somewhat an experiment in redemption arcs, seeing what exactly should happen and how to make “redemption” arcs seem not cheap or forced

here’s the one i talked about in this post though

http://toyhou.se/335049.nana-of-the-stars

[kelnius]

A Viewer’s Review of . . .

I haven't done a review in a while - I just do these for fun, I don't have a schedule - but, I do wish I'd done this one sooner. I actually saw this film a day earlier than most of Australia, since my local cinema started showing it one day earlier than the "See it in Cinemas" date of March 7. But, I let it stew for a while before I decided to write about it.

That's mostly personal, since I was a little rusty, but I was also checking out some other reviews for this movie to see what people were saying - and in doing so I learned that I wasn't alone in thinking that this film felt like it was pulling its punches. However, something else I learned is that there is some controversy around this film regarding the presence of supposed "feminist themes", which I find very confusing.

First of all, I don't see what's wrong with feminist themes - if you still have a problem with gender equality in the present day, you're a douche. But, more importantly, I never saw any "feminist themes" in this movie.

This was an origin story that starts from the middle and grows outwards, showing the character's progress as she unlocks her amnesthetized past, as well as her growth as she struggles through the current conflict. It keeps the story moving forward, and I enjoyed the story, as well as the stylistic way that they explore those lost memories.

But, it's also a prequel, and we see it set up some pins which we've seen knocked down in the prior movies. There are some which we should have expected, but I really appreciated one callback that answers a question I hadn't even asked just to smooth some of the rougher edges of this universe's canon.

I feel like this is where some of these "feminist themes" complaints are coming from. Since this is a prequel, it is set in a previous era - the 90s, possibly the late 80s for some flashback scenes - and people think that this film is misrepresenting men as misogynistic by having a realistic representation of sexism and implied racism in the 90s. But, I don't know why people where whining about this when there were genuine complaints to be made.

This film doesn't fall into the mistake of making the main character flawless - Captain Marvel's flaw is her impulsiveness. But, with how powerful this superhero is that flaw is lessened somewhat. But, the biggest flaw in this film is Captain Marvel's personality. She's enthusiastic and a little cheeky, but there's not enough "there" there, and when you stand her next to some of these other characters, it makes her feel bland overall. I enjoyed Brie Larson's performance, but I feel like the writers were scared to fall into the "female lead superhero film" curse - and ended up watering down her acting talent as a result.

Speaking of acting talent, the stand-out performances in this film have to be Samuel L. Jackson, who is a lot of fun, and he shows off a much more carefree, enthusiastic and youthful Nick Fury character, whilst remaining true to his core. As well, Ben Mendelsohn - who was menacing, funny and even empathizing as Talos, the much-feared leader of the Skrull invasion. As well, I really appreciated the work of Jude Law playing Yon-Rogg, Captain Marvel's mentor and commander of the Starforce, with a commendable performance as a powerful Kree soldier.

(I wonder if Jude Law accepted the role in one of these movies because people think he looks and sounds so much like actor Paul Bettany, who voices JARVIS and performs as The Vision in the MCU...)

But, this film also seems to weaken the potential for this storyline. The basic story here has been adapted from the Kree-Skrull War in the comics, and that was a story arc that spanned 9 issues. This movie lights that cigar, but then snuffs it out before we can truly taste it. I can understand why they did -they're building up to a big Avengers setpiece, we can't just ignore that to fight an alien cold war- and whilst I appreciate the story that was told, I don't know why they brought up this potential storyline, only to then sidestep it.

Marvel movies have done this before, such as in the Iron Man movies, but at least tried to appease fans with the Marvel One-Shot "All Hail the King" (link contains SPOILERS for the Iron Man sequels).

I don't think they plan on doing that here. And just like how Captain Marvel seems lesser by putting her next to Nick Fury, this film also feels weaker due to being part of the Marvel Cinematic Universe™. Some of those have been truly amazing, so standing next to her brothers, Captain Marvel feels a little small. I mean the movie, not the character, the character is incredibly powerful and cool - and she has some great and exciting fight scenes. Oh, and speaking of which, I have to stop and congratulate the amazing CGI work in this movie. Captain Marvel's powers look as marvellous as her name suggests, the space battles and alien weaponry was all cool.

Oh, and I have to stop now and draw your attention to the amazing CGI work done for Samuel L. Jackson. I didn't recognize, until I was told, that throughout the film CGI was used to make Nick Fury look younger (about mid-30s, maybe early-40s) since Jackson himself is almost 60 years old. I figured they used makeup and hair dye to make him look younger, but apparently they doctored his face in post. Everyone involved in that deserves a reward, since their work was indistinguishable from reality, to me.

I almost wish this film had some stronger feminist themes, since overall this film is a little shallow. It has elements of war and oppression in many shades, and dealt with ideas regarding trust and truth, but mostly this was just a fun introduction to the Captain Marvel character.

In fact, that's the thing I'm left with at the very end - this was still a lot of fun, and it had some funny moments thrown in there as well. So, I recommend it. Obviously, if you're not a fan of superhero movies, or fun sci-fi action romps, then this won't appeal, but I think it's worth your time and money.

Just a Little Bit Marvellous . . . - 7.0 / 10

[epajournal]

Anonymous9837 Not seeing new messages? Click here to correct.

Anonymous9837:

22:17

While an IMALIVE Volunteer is joining this chat, please take a moment to read this disclaimer. If your chat disconnects unexpectedly, it may be caused by wifi network connection issues, so please log back in and start a new chat. IMALIVE chat is for those who are thinking about suicide or are in distress. If you are having trouble seeing new messages or typing, please select - Click here to refresh - on top of the chat window. If you or someone you know is currently in the state of medical emergency, please dial 911 or your local emergency number for an ambulance. The volunteer will not be able to locate you without your help. If you wish to speak to someone on the phone right now, you can also call 1-800-SUICIDE(784-2433) or visit befrienders.org to find your local hotline. Please stay online while the next available volunteer is connecting to the chat....

Alex:

22:18

IMALIVE Volunteer joined the chat.

Alex:

22:18

Hi, my name is Alex. May I ask your name?

Anonymous9837:

22:18

Hey there. I guess Elise, that's my real name.

Anonymous9837:

22:18

I don't know, I feel silly doing this at all. I guess first, how are you?

Alex:

22:19

It sounds like you're worried about being judged

Anonymous9837:

22:19

Well, I'm mostly worried about being whiny, honestly.

Anonymous9837:

22:19

Like... I don't know, I'm not in an immediate place where I'm going to hurt myself, honestly

Alex:

22:19

Why don't we start with what brought you here today

Anonymous9837:

22:20

I just know if I don't talk about it or at least let someone know I'm having bad thoughts that it'll swell into a pretty crappy place later.

Anonymous9837:

22:20

Well, I guess just... My life's in a real weird place. I'm on medication but I've been off it for a few days, back on it again. I've been in therapy for close to a year but my life just seems to be getting worse.

Anonymous9837:

22:20

I think I need to get a new therapist or something, or at least talk to her about improving our sessions. But it's tough.

Anonymous9837:

22:21

I also know that we're at a place where it's like... There's not too much more she can do for me in a lot of ways.

Anonymous9837:

22:21

And I guess that's scary.

Alex:

22:22

It can be very discouraging when you feel the help you're getting isn't helping. It sounds like this is adding extra stress to your life at a very bad time

Anonymous9837:

22:23

I wish I had something that was more unknown to me or had some big revelation about why I'm all dysfunctional, but. I don't. I feel like a car that's been taken apart and clearly you can see things aren't working right, but somehow you can't get the pieces to fit back together right. There's not much more to do than just trash it, you know?

Anonymous9837:

22:23

And yeah, it's demotivating. It took me a long time to go to therapy again, I mean I went through a bunch of therapy as a kid and none of it was too much help. I took a chance with it again recently and it's just been...

Anonymous9837:

22:24

I guess a lot of it has been useful, at the very least I can say I'm working on it, but I just want to be... Not even "fine", but just better.

Anonymous9837:

22:25

It's hard to imagine a year ago that I was nearly a functioning person, but. I guess it's a real shaky support that keeps that facade going, things were clearly going wrong.

Anonymous9837:

22:25

Sorry, I feel weird not asking again, how are you?

Alex:

22:26

No need to feel weird. We are here to work with you and focus on how you are doing

Anonymous9837:

22:26

Well, thank you.

Anonymous9837:

22:27

I'm in my late twenties and live with my mom and brother... Our house isn't big enough for everyone so we ended up with me in the basement, but in the last few months I finally decided I couldn't take it anymore and moved upstairs, even though that means not having a room and sleeping in the living room.

Anonymous9837:

22:29

And it's been a rough adjustment. I can't get myself to take care of my messes easily as it is, so combine having a small house where I don't have a room, things build up, people get upset. I've been out of work since last July, I had some financial fortune to get by but I fucked that up pretty badly and I'm broke again, but I just... There's no way I can hold a job. My therapist and I are working on SSI but it just... takes a while, and it makes me feel like I'm a brat.

Anonymous9837:

22:30

My mom's disabled, physically, so it's like. I feel like I'm making an excuse for myself when I should just be having a job. I've worked before for years, but I just can't. I mean I can barely keep myself showered, or bother to eat, even though I'm a fat sunnovabitch because I rarely leave my house.

Anonymous9837:

22:30

So it's just... Things get tense. I don't want to be a burden on anyone.

Anonymous9837:

22:31

The answer seems to be that it'd be easiest if I weren't here, but aside from it being a scary idea, I know that'd be a lot of shit my family would have to go through.

Anonymous9837:

22:31

But I still think about it a lot, and it's upsetting.

Anonymous9837:

22:32

I just want to be left alone, honestly. I feel like most of my life I haven't had any chance to just "be". I want to exist but just barely, I guess.

Anonymous9837:

22:33

I've been working on it, it doesn't look like it, but I have been. I'm just not well, physically and psychologically. Today I started an herb garden, I'm raising them from seeds, hopefully they work.

Anonymous9837:

22:34

I try to take my dog out, I got a FitBit so I can be mindful of my movement. But as soon as I do these things, people think I'm shirking important things, but... I need to do anything I can now, because otherwise I just do nothing.

Alex:

22:34

You sound very invested in your recovery. It can be tough feeling like a burden on people, but it sounds like you have a family that you care about and that cares about you. So it sounds like at some point in the past you felt you were doing better, but you now feel yourself spiraling in a downward direction. You're not sure if it's the move to a less private living situation, or the medication or if you should try seeing a new professional and it sounds like all these factors are really overwhelming you

Anonymous9837:

22:35

I fantasize about running away a lot. But I have a dog who I feel like I need to be there for even though my family would take care of her, and I have a 20 year-old cat... And I don't want to ditch him.

Anonymous9837:

22:35

Yeah, that all sounds fair. I mean, it's a long history of dysfunction, I can't even tell you my family history and growing up.

Anonymous9837:

22:36

I guess the one good thing about therapy is I'm finally so tired of mourning my past because I just can't be bothered to talk about it anymore, which is saying something, because it's been the only thing I can discuss with any passion for a while.

Anonymous9837:

22:37

But now I'm just like, "here I am," and it's crappy. Like, that's done. There's nothing I can do that I haven't already to try and compartmentalize and digest it better. But I'm still messed up and now I'm an adult and nobody can fix it for me.

Anonymous9837:

22:38

Some days I feel okay. But I just... I'm tired all the time and I don't care about anything, the only thing that I actually feel emotionally responsive to is when I'm upsetting people.

Anonymous9837:

22:39

I tried to move into my dad's a number of years ago after he told me there'd "always be a place" for me with him, and he knows things have been awful, and he's a lot to blame for it. But when I did, he suddenly didn't have room, which sucked. It kind of felt like I finally went to make a huge change in my life even though I was scared and ultimately was told, "nah." Like... Idk.

Anonymous9837:

22:39

I just keep thinking I need to get out of here, and the only feasible way I can imagine that is to not exist anymore.

Anonymous9837:

22:39

But that's a whole mess to itself.

Anonymous9837:

22:40

It's a good thing I'm anxious about what happens after you die, though. A lot of the time that's the only thing that keeps me here-- I guess that's true for a lot of people, but still.

Alex:

22:41

There really is no easy fix, which can make things seem hopeless. Elise, have you been thinking about suicide?

Anonymous9837:

22:41

Oh sure, but that's nothing new. I think about it pretty constantly, but I'm not going to enact it.

Anonymous9837:

22:42

I walked in on my mom readying to kill herself when I was thirteen and decided I didn't want to do that to anybody.

Anonymous9837:

22:42

But it's still a thought, and it's one of those things where it's just... Super depressing to realize that's what you'd kind of like to do.

Alex:

22:43

But you haven't thought about how and when you want to kill yourself and you're able to stay safe while we continue to chat?

Anonymous9837:

22:44

Yeah, I'm okay. That's why I'm talking now, so I don't have more of these thoughts later. I took an Ativan recently and I'm getting pretty calmed down in addition to that. I'm not in any danger to myself now, but. It's preventative, I guess.

Anonymous9837:

22:45

I've never really thought /how/ I'd kill myself, they all seem pretty creepy. More of what would happen after, which I guess is less dangerous.

Anonymous9837:

22:45

(my ativan is prescription, btw, I don't use it often but I do have it officially for when I need it)

Anonymous9837:

22:46

I just kind of needed someone to talk to so it didn't stay in my head and chest and get into Bad Territory.

Anonymous9837:

22:46

I just hope I'll be Okay someday. I keep thinking I'm about to get to the final corner of this maze but it just keeps goddamn turning.

Alex:

22:47

Ok. Well Elise, what else do you think would help you right now? It sounds like having someone to talk to has helped with the stress a bit

Anonymous9837:

22:47

And it's tough, too, because you can't see all the progress you've made in these situations. But that's the depression talking.

Anonymous9837:

22:47

and yeah, it has, I'm getting pretty relaxed again already, so thank you for that.

Anonymous9837:

22:48

I think I need to contact my therapist and discuss making our appointments more constructive, and contact my doctor to start finding a psychiatrist I like. My recent one retired.

Anonymous9837:

22:48

Which sucks, I really liked her.

Anonymous9837:

22:48

I need to keep on my SSI application... And just keep working through my list of to-do's, since every one of those I complete makes me feel like I'm doing a little bit better.

Anonymous9837:

22:49

I guess for right now I should get something to eat or drink and do little things, maybe just fold my clothes while I watch a movie, and probably write in my journal.

Anonymous9837:

22:50

And maybe tonight I'll go for a drive for some privacy and have a good cry-- I've been needing to do that for a while now.

Alex:

22:51

It sounds like feeling like you are making steps toward your recovery is important to you. You have a very well built plan of next steps to take.

Anonymous9837:

22:52

Thanks, I guess it's a matter of me actually doing them, haha. My mom actually is out here trying to get me to talk to her and... I think I should, I don't mean to cut off from you so quickly, but I'm calmed down and I know there are people out there in actual danger.

Alex:

22:52

Would you like someone from the IMAlive Team to follow up with you? That follow-up would be via email, a few days after this chat.

Anonymous9837:

22:53

Mm... I think I'm okay, actually-- Or, would that be just a check-in, I guess?

Anonymous9837:

22:53

Sure, you can contact me at *********@gmail.com, I guess.

Anonymous9837:

22:54

Gives me something to keep working on myself for so I can reply with positive news, haha.

Anonymous9837:

22:54

Hopefully!

Alex:

22:54

A check-in. Ok Elise a member of IMAlive will follow up with you. In the meantime, be good to yourself smiley

Anonymous9837:

22:55

Thanks so much, I really appreciate you listening to me.

🙂

Send

Diagnostics End Chat

Privacy Policy Powered by iCarol v6.39.2