#first re-watch since it's originally aired

[lucy-hp]

I am re-watching Hawaii Five-0 for the first time.

I can't believe I never realized that Steve had more chemistry with Lori than he ever did with Catherine.

But either way, the McDanno chemistry is unbeatable, undeniable and undefeated.

I would have preferred Lauren German to become a serie regular instead of MB.

[typewritingyip]

The Arcturus Missions

Part Seven - Communication Break

Part Six

———

Radio waves were the first sign that the intergalactic community got that there was intelligent life on Earth, as they traveled infinitely through space, language and music lightly introduced to scientists of several societies. Special equipment was designed to refine the weakened waves and check the sounds that originally traveled over them. It was interesting to learn about a civilization so far away.

Radio waves were a common communication tool across several planets, whether for entertainment or military operations. It was considerably easy to maintain and made communications between groups on the same planet more convenient. Most societies kept track of a certain number of channels to prevent conflict, you’d be stupid to have espionage over radio.

In roughly the area of space that Cybertron sits, the radio waves from Earth were from around twenty or more years ago, and were going though the systems for re-mastering the original audio. Unfortunately those who chose to listen to other worlds radio waves, it was now playing the original hits of the 1980’s, just before the Quintessons attacked.

—

Hound was standing there, staring through a wall in the general direction of the communication while the others lost their shit behind him, “He can’t actually mean Jazz, not like pilot Jazz, right?” Sideswipe stands and starts pacing, looking over to Sunstreaker, “We heard him over the delayed messages, we knew he made it to this planet. But there is no way he’s still alive.” Sunstreaker leans his head back against the wall, “It’s been five years and we’re the first group Mecha has bothered to send to find him, five years. Stuck with a bunch of aliens who have similar tech to our own.” It hung in the air for a moment, “Could they be fighting the same things we are?” To be perfectly honest, none of them had thought of that before.

What if those things were fighting the same thing they were, on this weird planet that was covered in metal and rained acid, fighting the tentacle monsters of nightmares, “Even if they are, our mission is to stop them from attacking Earth. Was to find Jazz and stop them from attacking Earth.” Hound turns to the others, who were all in states of shock, “Our focus needs to be on the mission, if we can actually find Jazz then that’s step one done.” Sideswipe stands, moving over to Hound, “If we get Jazz, we might actually be able to finish this mission.” Breakdown nods slowly, finally letting the hum of his cannon die, “That is if we can get off this planet, with the Odyssey.” “If these things trust Jazz, then I’m sure he can talk them into helping us.” Sunstreaker pops his knuckles lightly which causes his suit to creak painfully, Sideswipe winces and swats at his brother, “Don’t do that.” “Then stop biting your lip.” And they started to bicker as Breakdown got up, moving over to Hound.

“What do you think of this, really?” Breakdown leans towards Hound, they’d stayed off comms since Prowl’s abrupt appearance and disappearance; “I don’t like it, if these things are spread out attacking multiple planets? How are we going to find where their coming from and not where their attacking.” Breakdown hummed and shook his head, his visual feeds starting to pick up the beings heading towards them, “The enemy of my enemy is my friend, right?” He sounded unsure of the saying but Hound nods with a smile, resting his hand on Breakdown’s shoulder, “You’re not wrong. But if these things are keeping Jazz hostage or worse, then they are the enemy.” Breakdown nods and keeps watching as the figures drew closer. Sunstreaker and Sideswipe standing, joining them near one of the walls.

—

The transmissions were near and clear, filled with typical battle chatter and sounds of explosions. Even if no one could make out exactly what they were saying, the same strange mechs as Jazz had activated the defense system of a solar farm off the coast of the sea of rust. It typically defended the area if the Quintessons landed in the sea or for the regular vermin that lived out there, it was over kill for the scraplets though.

It had been Blaster who’d picked up the signal and sent it to Prowl, knowing he was able to loosely translate the strange language. At which point Prowl had been in a meeting with Mirage, he’d gone from going over the recent reports to standing stock still, staring at nothing. For a click, Mirage let it slide, when Prowl continued to stare at nothing though, it was time to act. Standing and moving over to his commander, Mirage edges his way in front of him, “Commander, Cybertron to Porwl, sir.” He waved his servos in front of him, “Sir?” Prowl just about jumped out of his plating, “Mirage, I apologize, I was receiving a communication from Blaster.” Nodding slightly, Mirage steps back to give Prowl space. He watches in almost shock as Prowl drags his servos down his faceplates, the only time he looked like that was when it involved Jazz, “Sir, is it Jazz?” Mirage couldn’t help but ask, always finding their relationship so intriguing.

Prowl’s scowl was more typical, making Mirage smirk a bit, “No, it’s not Jazz, but it’s more of his kind.” That made the smirk fall and sent his spark to his peds, “More of them?” Jazz was a unique mech, needing more recharge but able to take more pain than any cybertronian. He was already becoming a mythic legend on the field, more of them could help keep the Quints off Cybertron. The gears were already turning in his processor. For Prowl though, who knew what Jazz really was, he was horrified. One of them, this Hound, had given a pilot number like Jazz did when trying to contact home. More pilots sent on a mission to their demise for the greater good of their planet, more who missed their families and home. Prowl could understand that, he’d have given just about anything to save Praxus, but he’d learned that giving your life for a cause didn’t mean much in the long run.

Raising a hand, Prowl silenced Mirage’s tirade, “Their out at the rust sea and likely are to attack anyone they come upon, since our weapons hit them first.” “Scrap.” Prowl nodded again before starting out of the room, Mirage hot on his peds, “I’ll need to contact Jazz along the way to alert him, their is a potential that he knew these other— mechs.” Biting his glossa, he nearly swore aloud at himself having to reframe from saying pilots. Mirage nods and falls in at Prowl’s side, “Do they know were coming?” Prowl delays for a second, “Not yet.” Nodding again, Mirage falls silent as Prowl contacts the strangers.

Out in the sunshine, they hurried into a transformation sequence, Prowl turning on his siren briefly to clear a bit of the traffic. Iacon was a sizable distance from the edge of the rust sea, the specific solar far that was current being attacked was on the edge of Polyhex, if they got on a high speed transport they could be there within clicks. Mirage stayed tight to Prowl’s bumper as they sped to the transport station, it wasn’t every day you got to meet other mechanicals; meeting Jazz has altered Prowl’s world so much and Mirage wanted a piece of that action.

They arrived at the station in record time and requested the fastest private transport, Prowl was still on comms so Mirage remained quiet, not wanting to be a distraction. Entering the transport, he took a seat away from Prowl and retrieved a datapad from his subspace, deciding to take the short amount of time they had on here to catch up on a report. Prowl glances up briefly before returning to stare towards nothing in particular, clearly deep in conversation with someone. His servo comes up to rub his jaw and Mirage has to hide a smile, he knew Prowl as speaking with Jazz. Jazz was the only mech who could make Prowl flustered, though it looked more exasperated than anything. Mirage sits back with his datapad, pausing only for a moment to read a message, swearing loudly, “The big yellow one took Beachcomber’s arm off.” Prowl looks up, “Fuck.” It was a moniker he’d picked up from Jazz but it often fit the situation.

—

Their sanctuary of the warehouse shook lightly as the approaching figures landed the transport, Hound adjust the grip on his gun lightly, fingers flexing, “Stay on your toes, we don’t know what they are.” It was a reminder that none of them needed. Hound was watching intently, eyes flicking between the displays on his visor, before pulling up an experimental piece of tech from Perceptor, turning the translator on in hopes it would eventually be able to discern their language. It was still a work in progress, the front liners back home all had them in hopes of learning the aliens language.

The twins were each shifting from foot to foot, both still splattered with the very pink fluid which had since dried to their plating. Breakdown kept turning down the command to reactivate his cannon, it clicking menacingly on his back and Hound stood straight with his gun held comfortably to his front. After several minutes, the rolling door in front of them opened and three mechs stood there, though one ran off once it was open.

Both had, odd, attachments to them. One painted reminiscently of older police vehicles and the other a very typical factory blue, but both had their odd features and neither was adorned with a facial shield. Each had a highly expressive and realistic facial unit, something that was often discussed back home to make the suits appear more friendly. Hound lightly raised his hand, lowering his gun, even though the one did not lower his cannon, he honestly couldn’t blame them. Clearing his throat slightly, Hound shifts his weight wanting to step forward but deciding against it, “Uh, hello there. We are Mecha pilots, from Earth.” The black and white mech raised his hand, clearing meaning to hold Hound off from talking further. Sideswipe leaned into his brother, “So, they don’t really know any English, do they?” “I doubt it.” Sunstreaker held his arms slightly up in a defensive position in case either chose to attack.

—

Standing there, Mirage knew they were talking in their strange language, he’d heard Jazz speak it several times but it was stressful to not know what they were talking about, “Any time Prowl, would love a translation.” All their heads whipped to him, visors glowing slightly brighter, “Their creatures must have been weird mecha to give them all visors.” He shifts back a bit, looking across them briefly though eyes landing on the green one, he started at the rifle hanging lightly from one hand, “A moment more Mirage, I am trying to get Jazz on the right signal.” “Jazz, is across the planet in Kaon with Megatron and the others dealing with the Quints there.” Prowl held his hand up again, annoyingly. Sometimes he wished his commander would just ask him to shut up, the green ones held tilted ever so slightly.

—

Static filled their comms, making them all wince and the twins tried to shield their ears, “Oh god, again?” Sideswipe was half bent over from the painful noise before the comm frequency clicked and fell silent, then the monotone voice spoke, “ID’s, now.” Hound sighed, it wasn’t the most friendly way of asking but he understood this man hardly spoke English before nodding slightly, “I’m Pilot 1124, Harold Jackson, call sign Hound.” The one he could only assume was Prowl nodded before turning his gaze to the next of the Arcturus crew, “I’m Pilot 2450, Sonny Salucci, callsign Sunstreaker.” “I’m Pilot 2451, Simon Salucci, ugly’s brother. Callsign Sideswipe.” Breakdown shifted uncomfortably before looking to Hound, who nodded, “I’m Pilot 1457, Oleksknder Kovalenko, callsign Breakdown.” There were several clicks and pops over the line, Hound winced and lightly rubbed one of his ears. The blue and white mech’s eyes widened, starting at the twins, Sideswipe shifted uneasily even as Prowl rested a hand on the other mechs shoulder.

A loud crash of sound filled their ears before the obvious sounds of fighting filled the comm line, “There is no way in hell that Hound would come on a dead end mission, it’s not possible.” Jazz’s voice filled their ears even as the clear sounds of his struggle joined the noise, “No way.” “That’s funny, because as you say, I am looking right at them.” Prowl’s voice joined Jazz’s, sounding much more relaxed than previously. Hound was staring at Prowl, taking a breath before finally speaking, “He would if he was looking for you.” There was a loud crash from the other side of the line, which Hound tried not to smile at, “Hey Hound.” “Hey Jazz.” He took a breath, relieved, stage one done.

“Holy shit, Jazz, hey!” Sideswipe turned away from the weird mechs and throw his hands up, likely smiling, “Fucking five years and all you can say is hey to Hound?” Both their laughter filled the comm line, it was more than a relief, it was more than they could hope for in the mission, “Where you at?” “Ah, you wont know where Kaon is, but we could use the help with the Quints.” Sideswipe stopped, tilting his head slightly and Hound cleared his throat again, “Quints?” There was another loud crash, “Ah, right. The aliens invading Earth have been attacking here too, for a hell of a lot longer. They’re the Quintessons, Quints for short.” Jazz paused, “They really need our help, the cybertronians aren’t quiet like us. Not people in mech suits, just mechs. What you see, is what they are.” He clearly sounded worried, “And they think we’re like them, only one who knows the truth for the moment is Prowler.” The mech across from them had his face plates turn a light shade of pink. Hound stared, in shock, for a while, “Well, we’ll need to move the Odyssey, then find Kaon I guess.” Prowl looked up at him, turning to the other one for a moment to say something in their strange language before motioning them out of the warehouse.

“Do we go with them?” Breakdown kept his voice down and off of comms, “Do we have any other choice?” Together, they followed Prowl out of their sanctuary.

———

A/N

Alright, did I work on this while my family was cooking Thanksgiving? Yes, was I supposed to be studying? Also yes, but they certainly did not need my help in the kitchen and I can study more now that it’s done.

I love seeing all your tags and comments, it’s been so great.

Tags!

@lunarlei68 @whirlywhirlygig @loop-hole-319 @pixillandjester @alek-the-witch @not-a-moose-in-disguise @goddessofwind8water @neurologicalglitch @dersereblogger @pixel-transformers @mrcrayonofdoom @wireplaces

And once again thank you to @keferon for this amazing AU.

[kaleidodreams]

Updated 100 Memorable Skating Programs

Back in 2018, I created the original version of this list. (You can find the master post here.) Since 2024 marks my 30th year as an official fan of figure skating and there have been some more great programs created since the last time, I thought it was about time to update the list in honor of World Ice Skating Day. Same rules apply as last time:

Only senior competitive programs starting from the 1993-1994 season are eligible, since that's the first season I really started watching figure skating.

Each skater may only be listed once, unless a partner/discipline switch is involved.

Choice of music may also not be repeated. (Yes, there are two James Bond programs on the list, but Yuna and Wakaba use different music for the most part, so I'm letting it slide.)

I debated long and hard about whether or not I should still include programs from skaters who have proven themselves to be not so great people. I'm someone who has little difficulty separating the art from the artist, so in the end, I decided to keep them listed (although most of them got knocked down a few pegs). This list is more about the choreography than the skater anyway, although there are certainly some problematic choreographers out there, too. (Looking at you especially, Morozov!) So, just because a skater is listed doesn't mean that I'm a fan of them or that I condone their actions! I just think certain programs are still great regardless of the skaters' terrible behavior off the ice.

Choreographers are noted if known. If you know who choreographed the programs without a choreographer named, please let me know!

I've also created a handy playlist on YouTube if you don't want to click on all these links.

Ashley Wagner - Moulin Rouge (Shae-Lynn Bourne) 2016 Worlds

Jason Brown - Melancholy (Rohene Ward) 2023 Nationals

Patrick Chan - Phantom of the Opera (Lori Nichol) 2011 Canadian Nationals

Kaitlyn Weaver/Andrew Poje -Je suis malade (Pasquale Camerlengo) 2012 Worlds

Meryl Davis/Charlie White - Kajra Re/Silsila Ye Chahat Ka/Dola Re Dola (Marina Zueva, Igor Shpilband, and Anuja Rajendra) 2010 Olympics

Mao Asada - Rachmaninoff's Piano Concerto No. 2 (Tatiana Tarasova) 2014 Olympics

Sui/Han - Rain, In Your Black Eyes (Lori Nichol) 2019 Worlds

Marina Anissina/Gwendal Peizerat - Romeo & Juliet 1998 Olympics

Cain/LeDuc - W.E. (Pasquale Camerlengo) 2022 US Nationals

Daisuke Takahashi - Blues for Klook (Pasquale Camerlengo) 2012 Worlds

Kurt Browning - Casablanca (Sandra Bezic) 1994 Olympics

Michelle Kwan - Salome (Lori Nichol) 1996 Worlds

Alexei Yagudin - Winter (Tatiana Tarasova and Nikolai Morosov) 2002 Olympics

Jamie Sale/David Pelletier - Love Story (Lori Nichol) 2002 Olympics

Jeremy Abbott - Exogenesis (Jeremy Abbott and Yuka Sato) Nationals 2012

Oksana Grishuk/Evgeni Platov - The Feeling Begins 1997 Worlds

Yuzuru Hanyu - Seimei (Shae-Lynn Bourne) 2015 Grand Prix Final

Chock/Bates - Egyptian Snake Dance (Marie-France Dubreuil, Ginette Cournoyer, and Sam Chouinard) 2019 Grand Prix Final

Javier Fernandez - Guys and Dolls (David Wilson) 2016 Worlds

Vanessa James/Morgan Cipres - Sound of Silence (John Kerr and Silvia Fontana) 2017 Euros

Evgenia Medvedeva - Anna Karenina (Daniil Gleichengauz) 2018 Olympics

Nathan Chen - Philip Glass medley (Shae-Lynn Bourne) 2021 Worlds

Gabriella Papadakis/Guilliame Cizeron - Elegie (Saxon Fraser and Marie-France Dubreuil) 2022 Olympics

Aljona Savchenko/Bruno Massot - La terre vue du ciel (Christopher Dean) 2018 Olympics

Kevin Aymoz - Bolero (Brice Mousset and Kevin Aymoz) 2023 Skate America

Julia Lipnitskaya - Schindler’s List (Ilia Averbukh) 2014 Olympics

Elena Berezhnaya/Anton Sikharulidze - Lady Caliph 2002 Olympics

Yu-na Kim - James Bond medley (David Wilson) 2010 Olympics

Shoma Uno - Buenos Aires Hora Cero (Mihoko Higuchi) 2016 Grand Prix Final

Michal Brezina - The Way You Look Tonight (Jeffrey Buttle) 2016 Skate Canada

Shae-Lynn Bourne/Victor Kraatz - Riverdance 1998 Olympics

Adam Rippon - O/Fly On (Benji Schwimmer) 2016 Trophee de France

Jeffrey Buttle - Bells of Moscow (David Wilson) 2005 Worlds

Piper Gilles/Paul Poirier - Vincent (Carol Lane and Juris Razgulajevs) 2019 Canadian Nationals

Rudy Galindo - Swan Lake (Sharlene Franke) 1996 US Nationals

Sasha Cohen - Malaguena (Tatiana Tarasova) 2004 Worlds

Aljona Savchenko/Robin Szolkowy - Pina (Ingo Steur) 2011 Grand Prix Final

Samantha Cesario - Carmen (Inese Budevica) 2013 Trophee Eric Bompard

Tatsuki Machida - East of Eden (Phillip Mills) 2014 Worlds

Xue Shen/Hongbo Zhao - Turandot (Lea Ann Miller, Renee Roca, and Gorsha Sur) 2003 Worlds

Kaitlin Hawayek/Jean-Luc Baker - Liebestraume (Pasquale Camerlengo) 2018 Nationals

Olga Mikutina - My Nocturnal Serenade (Rostislav Sinicyn) 2023 Europeans

Lu Chen - The Last Emperor (Toller Cranston) 1995 Worlds

Giada Russo - Red Violin (Edoardo de Bernardis) 2016 Europeans

Junhwan Cha - Fate of the Clockmaker/Cloak and Dagger (Shae-Lynn Bourne) 2022 Olympics

Han Yan - La La Land (Yuka Sato and Kurt Browning) 2019 Chinese Interclub League

Wakaba Higuchi - Skyfall (Shae-Lynn Bourne) 2018 Worlds

Kazuki Tomono - Die Fledermaus (Misha Ge) 2022 Japanese Nationals

Yuma Kagiyama - Believer (Shae-Lynn Bourne) 2024 Worlds

Karen Chen - On Golden Pond (Karen Chen) 2017 Nationals

Maia Shibutani/Alex Shibutani - Coppelia (Marina Zueva and Cheryl Yeager) 2016 Nationals

Yuko Kavaguti/Alexander Smirov - Manfred Symphony (Peter Tchernyshev) 2014 Skate America

Philippe Candeloro - The Three Musketeers (Natacha Dabadie) 1998 Olympics

Alexander Abt - Songs from the Victorious City 1998 Nations Cup

Tessa Virtue/Scott Moir - Prince medley 2017 Worlds

Ekaterina Gordeeva/Sergei Grinkov - Moonlight Sonata (Marina Zueva) 1994 Olympics

Satoko Miyahara - Madama Butterfly (Tom Dickson) 2017 Japanese Nationals

Marjorie Lajoie/Zachary Lagha - The White Crow (Romain Haguenauer and Ginette Cournoyer) 2023 Four Continents

Anjelika Krylova/Oleg Ovsiannikov - Masquerade Waltz 1997 Worlds

Alena Kostornaia - The Departure, November (Daniil Gleikhengauz) 2019 Grand Prix Final

Nelli Zhiganshina/Alexander Gazsi - Two from the Grave (Ilia Averbukh) 2013 Worlds

Ksenia Stolbova/Fedor Klimov - The Man and The Shadow (Nikolai Morozov) 2015 Grand Prix Final

Stephanie Rosenthal - Rockit (Stewart and Christi Sturgeon) 2006 Nationals

Madison Hubbell/Zachary Donohue - Across the Sky, Caught Out In The Rain (Marie-France Dubreuil) 2018 Nationals

Mikhail Kolyada - The Nutcracker (Ilia Averbukh) 2021 Gran Premio d'Italia

Sinead Kerr/John Kerr - The Landing/Turn Around/Gravity of Love (Evgeni Platov) 2008 Worlds

Kaetlyn Osmond - Sous le ciel de Paris, Milord (Lance Vipond) 2016 Grand Prix Final

Carolina Kostner - Ave Maria (Lori Nichol) 2014 Olympics

Karina Manta/Joe Johnson - Sweet Dreams (Christopher Dean) 2019 Nationals

Gracie Gold - Firebird (Lori Nichol) 2016 Nationals

Charlene Guignard/Marco Fabbri - Atonement/Song For A Little Sparrow (Barbara Fusar-Poli and Corrado Giordani) 2022 Europeans

Keegan Messing - Singing in the Rain (Lance Vipond) 2018 Worlds

Elizabeth Punsalan/Jerod Swallow - Astor Piazolla medley (Igor Shpilband) 1998 Olympics

Rika Kihira - A Beautiful Storm (Tom Dickson) 2018 NHK Trophy

Mariah Bell - Chicago (Rohene Ward) 2016 Skate America

Brian Joubert - Rise (Evgeni Platov) 2009 Europeans

Stephane Lambiel - Poeta (Antonio Najarro) 2007 Worlds

Kaori Sakamoto - The Matrix (Benoit Richaud) 2020 NHK Trophy

Akiko Suzuki - O (Pasquale Camerlengo) 2012 NHK Trophy

Qing Pang/Jian Tong - The Impossible Dream (Shae-Lynn Bourne and David Wilson) 2010 Olympics

Takahito Kozuka - Io ci saro (Lori Nichol) 2014 Japanese National

Smart/Diaz - Mask of Zorro 2022 Europeans

Matt Savoie - Ennio Morricone medley (Tom Dickson) 2006 Nationals

Deniss Vasiljevs - Puttin’ On The Ritz (Benoit Richaud) 2016 Worlds

Caroline Green/Michael Parsons - Violin Concerto No.1 Eso Concerto, Clouds, The Mind on the Wind (Elena Novak and Alexei Kiliakov) 2022 Four Continents

Tara Lipinski - The Rainbow (Sandra Bezic) 1998 Olympics

Denis Ten - SOS d'un terrien en détresse (David Wilson) 2017 Shanghai Trophy

Valentina Marchei/Ondrej Hotarek - Tu Vuo Fa L'Americano (Massimo Scali) 2018 Europeans

Krisztina Czako - The Addams Family (Igor Bobrin) 1997 Europeans

Cheng Peng/Yang Jin - My Drag (Lori Nichol) 2016 GPF

Bradie Tennell - Mechanisms, Chronos (Benoit Richaud) 2020 4CC

Evgeny Plushenko - Tribute to Nijinsky 2004 Russian Nationals

Vanessa Gusmeroli - Rats D'Hotel 1999 Worlds

Julianne Seguin/Charlie Bilodeau - Monde Inverse (Shae-Lynn Bourne and Shae Zukiwsky) 2015 Skate America

Isabeau Levito - Dulcea Și Tandra Mea Fiară (Yulia Kuznetsova) 2022 MK John Wilson Trophy

Elizaveta Tuktamysheva - Batwannis Beek/Sandstorm (Tatiana Prokofieva) 2015 Europeans

Kana Muramoto/Daisuke Takahashi - Soran Bushi (Marina Zoueva, Ilia Tkachenko, and Koyo Yanai) 2021 NHK Trophy

Amber Glenn - This Time (Kaitlyn Weaver and Randi Strong) 2024 Lombardia Trophy

Ivan Righini - You Raise Me Up (Ivan Righini) 2016 Europeans

Anna Cappellini/Luca Lanotte - Life is Beautiful (Liudmila Vlasova) 2017 NHK Trophy

[12woso12]

Dorothy lands in North London - Part 1

Prologue here

Hope you all enjoyed the Prologue! Let me know what you think and what you'd like to happen next :)

TW: Mentions of suicide, please don't read if you're not feeling up to it

You spent the flight to London watching re-runs of The OC and devouring every ice cream flavour on the plane's menu. Arsenal had flown you first class and so you were taking every opportunity you could to make the most of it. From the fuzzy socks to the free robes, you'd exhausted the expense.

It had been difficult to leave America but your teammates were supportive in your decision and each of them expressed their eagerness to watch you thrive in the WSL. You'd even had a call from Tobin who was the biggest Gooner you knew. Her high praise of the Arsenal team made you feel reassured in your choices knowing that they referred to themselves as a found family.

You hadn't told you dad you were leaving. He was still living in Kansas, still sleeping on the same broken mattress, still eating at the same dining table your mum had shot herself at. If you looked closely at the right back leg, her blood was still splattered across it. Your dad didn't deserve to know where you were.

Heathrow airport was a nightmare to navigate with a trolley of suitcases. Emily Fox, who you knew from the National team, had agreed to pick you up from the airport and let you stay with her until you found your own place. It was something you were nervous about, you got on well with Emily but you'd never spent enough time with her to warrant any type of closeness.

'Em!' you bounded into the arrivals terminal, suitcases in tow, as you spotted the older girl. She stood grinning slightly and holding a sign that read 'Dorothy' which had become your nickname during international breaks after the girls found out you were originally from Kansas.

'Hey!' Emily took in your dishevelled appearance, she'd never been able to understand your habit of constantly appearing like you'd dressed yourself in the dark. 'God Leah is going to have a heart attack when she looks through your wardrobe'

'That's a mean thing to say to someone who's just got off a nine hour flight'

'I'm sure you'll survive, Dorothy.' Emily grabbed half your luggage and led you out to her car. You shiver at the icy chill in the air, suddenly wishing you were wearing a coat.

'Is it always this cold?' You groan, already knowing the answer. This was England after all.

'Stop complaining and help me get your stuff into the car' Emily unlocked the boot and hauled your cases inside. You couldn't help but smirk at how Emily's accent was slowly but surely becoming more British, you hadn't seen her since September and she was definitely becoming indoctrinated with Britishness.

The journey to Emily's apartment was a little less than an hour. She lived in a town called St.Albans, just on the outskirts of London but near to London Colney where Arsenal trained. You sat back quietly for a majority of the car ride, happy for Emily to explain all she'd learnt of London life since making the move.

'You're going to love Kyra' You were told

'Cooney-Cross?' You frown 'Why?'

'She's your age and causes just as much trouble' Emily replied simply. 'She's living with Katie and Caitlin right now until she finds her own place. Never go round there by the way, if they happen to invite you'

You glanced at Emily to see she was grimacing slightly. From what you'd heard Katie and Caitlin were two of the friendliest people on the team, especially Katie. You waited impatiently for Emily to take a sharp corner before she continued.

'It's mayhem there.' she explained. 'It isn't just Kyra living with them, Katie's sister lives there too and Charlie Grant is always there, for some reason. Plus Cooper is so rowdy sometimes'

'Who's Cooper?'

'Katie's cat'

You can't help but think that their house sounded quite fun, really. But you know Emily hates mess and she'd already offered you her home so you decidedly stayed silent. Maybe you'd get an invite if you're lucky.

'Here we are' Emily finally pulls up to a nice looking block of apartments. 'We're on the fourth floor. Beth and Viv live below us. Less, Lotte and Pelova are a few minutes away next to Katie's place.'

'It's like your own private village' you observe, surprised at the close proximity of the players. In the States, nearly everyone on your previous teams had lived at least a ten minute drive apart. 'What about the other girls?'

Emily led you into the building. 'Leah, Kim, Lia and Steph all live about ten minutes that way' she pointed in a direction that you guessed was North but you failed maps so you really had no idea. 'The others all live a little closer to the city centre.'

'Cool. God i can't wait to explore London. Know any good clubs?' you asked Emily knowing she wasn't much of a partier but desperate to wind the the older girl up a little. She paused outside apartment 13 and narrowed her eyes at you.

'Listen, you should be careful over here. I know you're used to the media and fan attention in the States, maybe more than anyone. But Arsenal are massive everywhere, you've already blown up the media with your transfer. Just be...wary, okay?'

The intimate, most personal stories of your life had been splashed across front pages for years now, what could possibly be worse than that?

You were built for pressure, to ignore their harsh words and nasty stories.

You were built for it. Moulded for it.

'Don't worry, Em. I've got this.'

Note to reader. You do not have this.

Next Chapter is going to be fun and short looking at the news stories surrounding your arrival to England :)

part 2

[psink]

Translation of the interview with Kamiya Hiroshi (Kusuo's VA) and Nojima Kenji (Kuusuke's VA)

The TV anime "The Disastrous Life of Saiki K: The Final Chapter" will air as a year-end special program on the TV Tokyo network on (friday) December 28th from 7:35 to 8:30.

The January issue of PASH!, which is now on sale, features an interview with Kamiya Hiroshi-san, the voice actor of Saiki Kusuo, and Nojima Kenji-san, the voice actor of Kuusuke Saiki. We’re releasing a preview ahead of tomorrow’s broadcast. 

Amidst the busy end-of-year, good grief, a world-involving sibling fight…? We spoke to Nojima Kenji-san, who plays the older brother Kuusuke, and Kamiya Hiroshi-san, who plays the younger brother Kusuo, after they had just finished recording about the truth of the matter!

―― Please tell us how you felt when the decision to make the Final Chapter was made. Kamiya: I was very happy. Even if you want to adapt every episode from the original work, it’s not always possible to do so. But with this series, everything fell into place. I think the biggest reason we were able to adapt it all the way to the Final Chapter was because of the fans’ wishes, and for that, I’m incredibly grateful.

Nojima: I had heard that the Final Chapter would be made, but I was wondering about what form it would take, and it turned out to be a two-part year-end special. Could people really sit through an hour of this work?! What kind of focus would they need to watch it? I was a bit worried about that (laughs). But I’m sure that “The Disastrous Life of Saiki K” will deliver dense content that makes you lose track of time again, in the way only it can. 

―― Compared to other anime series, “Saiki” has about 2 or 3 times more dialogue per episode, right?

Kamiya: I had vaguely noticed that, but… Nojima: You didn’t want to know, did you? (laughs)

Kamiya: Certainly, for a 30-minute anime, it takes a lot of time to go over the script. Even when watching the DVD to check it, I thought “Hm? Is something wrong with the machine?”, because it felt like it was playing fast-forward (laughs).

Nojima:  I’ll be honest now, but on the day I first participated in the recording, I actually went into the recording without finishing all the checks.I checked the script at home and then immediately went to the studio. I was calculating in my mind the timing to start reading the script to record whilst still keeping my role preparation fresh. 

But, the amount of lines was beyond my imagination, so I couldn't finish the preparation… This was something that shouldn’t have happened, but honestly, I got through the latter half [of the recording] just with concentration (laughs). But, since I was able to maintain the momentum from the first half, I’m glad I was able to bring out a good sense of raw feelings. Kamiya-san, how was your first recording?

Kamiya: I already can’t remember, but when I re-watch Episode 1 now, I think the pace is still slow. It’s gotten gradually faster since entering season 2. In season 2, Director Sakurai was probably broken as the pacemaker (laughs). Nojima: Ahaha, I see. It's like a live band where the rhythm gradually speeds up, and you keep going without knowing the original pace.

Kamiya: Exactly. 

Nojima: Since you can’t keep up by just listening to the lines as words, you have to listen to the partner’s tone and match it. It might be similar to a music session.

―― In the Final Chapter, the relationship between Kusuo and Kuusuke seems to be a highlight. What do you both think about these brothers?

Nojima: The reason they can fight so much, do terrible things, and act recklessly is probably because, ultimately, they’re brothers. In a different case, it would have ended in a complete fallout, wouldn’t it?

Kamiya: That’s true. After all, what Kuusuke is doing is almost criminal. Nojima: Ahahahaha.

Kamiya: What I found especially dangerous about what Kuusuke did was the story of making the elderly villagers wear powered suits. The way he disguised it as caregiving while completely using them as his own puppets was seriously dangerous. Nojima: It’s surely his own sense of justice. I wonder if it’s an antithesis to how we should handle the aging society going forward (laughs).

―― Kuusuke’s obsession with Kusuo is also quite dangerous, isn’t it?

Nojima: Kuusuke has a very strong desire for approval, wanting to be recognized by Kusuo above all else. Challenging him to fights is, I think, a distorted expression of that. But I believe it is also an expression of his love and his desire to be loved back.

Kamiya: Kusuo probably thinks Kuusuke is a troublesome person, but Kusuo is also at fault. Although Kuusuke is a genius, he worked hard to create the control device for Kusuo to help him control his superpowers, didn’t he? Kusuo should be grateful, but he doesn’t express it. “Thanks, big brother. I can’t live without this” - it would’ve been nice if he could’ve said that, but Kusuo doesn’t understand the feelings of those without [superpowers], so that didn’t happen. There was also the sense of taking it for granted because they're family, but thinking how this resulted in that difficult brotherly relationship is quite sad.

―― That’s deep.

Kamiya: Although Kusuke knows he’ll lose, he keeps challenging Kusuo to fights and enjoys the process, which shows his malicious side. He’s also quite twisted. So they’re both equally to blame. From an outsider’s perspective, their relationship can be summed up with one phrase "they’re just just not honest with each other”.

Nojima: Despite that, there are also times when they rely on each other.

Kamiya: It’s complicated. That’s why even in the Final Chapter their relationship will likely be depicted. 

―― Finally, could you give a message to the readers who are waiting for the broadcast? Nojima: I was worried about how much Kuusuke would appear, but he ended up having a lot more screentime than I had expected, so I was satisfied. I have no doubts that the viewers will enjoy it as well!  Since the story’s pace is fast, please acquire the ability to not blink while watching (laughs), and surely, you will be moved to tears in the end. There are emotional parts, but more than anything, I hope you enjoy it. Thank you for cherishing and enjoying this series for so long!

Kamiya: The TV anime is finally reaching its conclusion. For those who are watching for the first time, it might be difficult, as the story keeps quickly progressing whilst you’re wondering “what is this?”. But there is a scene at the beginning that reviews past episodes and introduces the characters, so I think you’ll understand what this series is about. That said, since it’s a gag anime, I hope you can enjoy it without thinking too much.

As for the highlights for the Final Chapter, Kusuo finally moves [his mouth] and speaks for the first time. You might be wondering “What is this person saying?”, but it’s exactly as it sounds (laughs). Please watch the main story to uncover the truth behind it. I’m sure you’ll be surprised.

[apocalypseornaw]

Don't Blame Me (Pt 5/5)

Dean Winchester x Reader

A rescue and a second chance

Warnings: cursing, mention of violence

It was a strange feeling, regaining consciousness. You hadn't been knocked out since you were a human and considering you had several years under your belt since then, re-adjusting to it was strange.

The ache in your shoulder told you that bullet you'd been clipped with was a devil's trap one. You strained your neck down to look at the straps holding you to the table and recognize the language,Enochian. Fuck you were screwed.

You heard footsteps getting closer and knew better than to attempt to pretend to still be out. Instead you decided on the false bravado act, you'd perfected it your first hundred years or so on the racks “Why is it you fella always feel the need to strip a gal down? While I do appreciate that you left the bra and panties that was a limited edition Led Zeppelin shirt. If you fucked it up I'm gonna be pissed” 

The laugh that hit your ears made the skin on the back of your neck crawl. How fucked do you have to be to make a demon get the ick? “I heard you had that mouth on you. I see why Winchester and Crowley like you”

The demon finally came into view. He was wearing a skin head as a meat suit. Dude even had a certain nazi symbol tattooed on his ball head. No wonder he set off your creep radar “Don't know if you got your signals crossed but hello? Demon. Dean doesn't exactly want me anymore as for Crowley I come in handy to have around but at the end of the day I'm just his pet hunter nothing more”

You saw the knife when he picked it up and nearly asked him if he had forgotten you were a demon too until you saw the holy water vial. You  struggled against the straps but that sent a jolt of pain through you so you were stuck watching as he first wet the knife with the holy water then dumped salt along the blade. He sent you a smile right before he slammed the knife into your leg closest to him.

You didn't give him the pleasure of a scream. You did however bite into your cheek hard enough you caught the taste of blood on your tongue. He didn't seem put off by your refusal to scream, no he seemed to enjoy it. 

“Tsk tsk tsk. Don't underestimate yourself Y/N. You've been Crowley's right hand woman for years. You fast tracked your way off the racks and even managed to get your original body back. Even the big guy was impressed with that” your breathing was a little haggard from the effort to keep your voice steady as you said “Oh poor Luci. Stuck in the cage and seeing a hunter get pulled out of hell. Must have sucked for him”

That seemed to strike a nerve because the next thing he did was retrieve the holy water vial. He kept his eyes on yours as he uncapped the vial then twisted the knife in your leg before pouring the holy water into the wound.

It felt like flames were gnawing through your bone and the scream that escaped your lips echoed off the walls. A grin split his face “Attagirl. Let's see if we can make ya scream like that some more” “I spent three hundred years on the racks. Bring it asshole” You spoke through gritted teeth. He shook his head and walked over to a table in the corner of the room “Careful what you ask for”

 

“What are we looking at here Crowley?” It was the first time Dean had spoken since they got to where you were being held. “Dozen or so demons. Lucifer's last two remaining hellhounds” 

“Hellhounds?” Sam asked about the time a puff of air alerted them to a presence at Crowley's side. He reached out and patted what looked like air to them but they knew it was a hellhound “Don't worry boys. If they're between this one and Y/N they don't stand a chance”

Dean hated hellhounds. Death by them would do that to you but this once he let his eyes linger on the empty space where Crowley's hand rested “You take care of the other hounds we'll get the rest” a low growl was the response he got and Crowley nodded “I think she agrees with the plan”

He looked back at Sam “No one gets to smoke out. They were dead the moment they touched her” Sam nodded, gripping an angel blade in his hand “Let's go get her”

You could feel tears drying on your face. Flashbacks of your first couple decades on the racks ran through your head. You had to hand it to Skinhead, he was creative. 

He placed one of the tools back down on the table, it was slick with your blood. “What's the point of taking me? The point of torturing me?” 

He grinned again “Crowley will come for you. The Winchesters will come for you. We kill them and get the big guy out with no one guarding hell” you shook your head “No they won't. I'm nothing to Crowley, just another flunkie and as for the Winchesters you fucking idiot I'M A DEMON. THEY KILL DEMONS!” 

You groaned with pain from the effort of yelling at this idiot. Lucifer sure knew how to pick em didn't he? 

Your head fell back against the bed with a heavy thud. Skinhead went to grab another toy but the sound of a howl echoed through the building, you knew that howl anywhere. Juliette.

He looked back at you “How the hell did you get a hound?” You grinned despite the blood you knew stained your mouth “Just lucky I guess” 

He grabbed an angel blade off the table and looked back at you “You'll be dead before she ever reaches you” your eyes widened looking at the blade but then another sound caught your ears, the sounds of fighting. You could hear a  shout about the Winchesters. He'd come for you, black eyes and all he'd come.

You cut your eyes up at skinhead “Doesn't matter cause Dean will rip you apart” he raised the blade and went to plunge it into your heart.

—-------

Lucifer's hounds were dead, along with most of the demons. Dean was fighting one when it went down to the floor, a spray of blood separating its head from its shoulders then he felt a large head nudging at him. It was eerie being that close to a hellhound but then a thought occurred to him. 

He looked towards the feeling of the head despite not seeing anything besides dark blood dripping to the floor. He wanted to ask if the hound was hurt considering you had a bond with her but he couldn't exactly see and Crowley was with Sam disposing of the rest of the demons. 

“Did you find her?” a low growl responded so he nodded “Lead the damn way” He felt teeth grab his jacket sleeve and despite it all let himself be led further into the warehouse before the teeth were gone from his sleeve and all he saw was large bloody footprints leading away. She was running to you.

—-------

You braced yourself for a blow that never came, instead the demon was knocked flat on his back with Juliette on top of him. “JULIETTE!” You screamed. She was covered in deep gashes and looked like she'd been through a literal war but she was doing her best to keep him from getting up.

You lost track of the fight considering they'd rolled further than your straps would let you see but you could hear her growls. You struggled against the straps, tears streaming down your face from the pain. 

The moment the door burst open and Dean was there you heard a low whine and the fighting stopped. “Kill him” You whispered and Dean snatched the demon to his feet and slammed the demon blade into his throat before turning back to where you were tied down.

“She's dead isn't she?” He nodded before covering the space between you. He quickly untied you and pulled his flannel off to wrap around your shoulders. “You came for me?” You asked a mixture of pain and emotion threatening to drown you. His eyes flicked across your face looking for permission and when you sagged against his chest he pulled you into his arms “Even in death sweetheart”

You finally broke, demon or not you sobbed into his chest as he held you. “I still love you” you admitted and he kissed the top of your head “I still love you too. Nothing could change that”

—--------

Crowley and Sam burst in the door and looked around. Crowley's eyes landed on Juliette’s body “That's unfortunate” you sniffled harder laying your head back over on Dean's chest “Get me out of here Dean”

You sat at one of the tables in the library of Sam and Dean's bunker. It was technically a men of letters bunker that their grandfather had given them the key to, with them you didn't question the fact that their grandfather had been dead as long as he had.

Crowley had given the ok for you to go with them after he lifted the warding the witches had put on you. You'd been sitting for the last half an hour listening as Sam explained the fact that they'd found a cure, you had a chance to be human again. The bad part? It had a chance of killing you. 

Dean's arm was around your shoulders, your head against his chest. He hadn't spoken but every time Sam mentioned the risks his muscles tensed. Once Sam was through you nodded “When can you get the blood?” 

Dean's arm slipped from around you and he walked out the room. Sam looked from his retreating back to you “Do you want to think it over a little more?” You shook your head “My life, my risk. Go get the blood. I'll talk to him” he nodded and started to walk out but stopped then walked over to pull you out of your chair and into a hug “It's good to have you back” 

You smiled up at him “After this works i'll be back fully then” he pressed a kiss to your forehead “I'll be back soon”

—---------

You walked softly down the hall towards the room where Dean had showed you was his. You started to knock on the door but just walked in instead. He was sitting on the edge of the bed and glanced up when you walked in “It could kill you” “It's my life to risk. Dean I love you but a Winchester with a demon? That'll never work. I need to be me again fully. I want your support but if we really want another chance these?” You let your eyes slip then added “They gotta go”

He nodded then held out his hand to pull you closer. You were standing between his legs and he had his hands resting on your thighs “I need to tell you something” you leaned down to press a gentle kiss to his lips “I think I know”

He looked up into your eyes and damn he had tears in his. “They didn't mean anything. I just missed you so damn much” you nodded, feeling your own eyes tear up before admitting “I wasn't exactly a nun Dean” he flinched slightly “As long as it wasn't Crowley I'm good sweetheart” You laughed and shook your head “No Crowley” 

He pulled you forward causing you to have to climb into his lap to keep from losing your balance. He moved back further in the bed then looked up at you “You don't know how amazing it is to have you in my arms. I don't mean to be an ass about this cure but I've lost you once and it nearly killed me” you rested your head over in the bend of his neck and placed a kiss on his pulse “Then be with me for the cure. Hold me. If it goes south at least we get a goodbye this time”

 

The armory of the bunker had been cleared out. There was a devil's trap painted on the floor and Sam had made a decent looking pallet of blankets. When you questioned it he'd shrugged “It takes hours and you've got to be in it the whole time” 

You nodded then smiled “Thanks Sam” you looked back at Dean who grabbed your hand “C'mon sweetheart..I'm with you”

—-------

Dean was scared. He had just gotten you back and now he was holding you in his arms while you were washed down in sweat, your entire body shivering with every breath you took.

You slowly opened your eyes and looked up at him from where you lay in his lap “I'm ok Dean. I'm ok” he smiled despite the thoughts in his head “I know sweetheart. I know”

—---------

“Last shot” Sam announced, injecting you with the final vial. You inhaled sharply, curling into Dean. “Fuck it hurts” you whined and he rubbed your back soothingly “Just breathe baby. Breathe”

You weren't sure if hours or minutes passed before the shivering and pain stopped. You slowly looked up at Dean who pushed your sweat soaked hair back from your face. “How are you feeling?” “Tired” you whispered and he nodded to Sam “Give me the vial”

Sam held out the holy water and Dean looked to you for permission. You held out your wrist, bracing for pain but this time there was no burning or pain. The holy water was just wet. 

“It worked” you breathed before laying heavily on Dean “Will you help me shower then take a nap with me?” He laughed lightly “I'll do anything you want me to”

You were laying in bed, curled up against Dean's chest. It'd taken you a day or two to convince him you were healed up from the cure but when you finally did it was like no time had passed. You'd stayed wrapped up in each other for hours, relearning every inch of every curve of each other's body. 

“How the hell did I get this lucky?” Dean asked and you smiled sleepily up at him “Someone somewhere must like you Winchester”

He caught your lips in a kiss before pulling away. “Come back” you whined but he laughed as he reached into the table next to his bed. When he turned back you saw he had something in his hand. He uncurled his fingers so you could see the silver ring sitting in the palm of his hand “Can this go back where it belongs?” 

“I can't believe you still have that” you whispered in shock before holding up your left hand “Please” he slipped it onto you then kissed your finger “I love you” “I love you”

He grabbed you by the hips and pulled you over on top of him. You straddled his hips and smiled at him “You don't know how much I've missed you” you leaned down to kiss him but before your lips could touch Sam knocked on the door and hollered “Can you two come to the library?” 

You looked back at the door then down at Dean “He still has shit timing doesn't he?” He laughed then flipped the two of you over so he was on top of you “Don't worry. We'll see what he wants then come back to bed”

You walked into the library with Dean's arm around your waist. Sam sat at the table with a large wooden crate right in front of him.

You raised an eyebrow “What ya got Sammy?” He motioned “It's yours” Dean walked closer to it with you and you saw an envelope with your name. You picked it up and it simply read “So it turns out you weren't the only one to get another shot. Figured she belongs with you” 

You looked at Dean who'd read the note with you. He shrugged then walked to the crate. He cautiously pried the top off then looked in and a laugh fell out of him “C'mere baby” you walked over and looked in. A German Shepard puppy sat inside and the moment you popped your head in she sat up and barked, you cut your eyes at Dean who shrugged before looking at the puppy “Juliette?”

She barked again and you couldn't help but laugh as he leaned over and picked her up then held her out to you “Looks like she found her way back to you” You took her in your arms then he slipped his arms around you both, scratching Juliette’s head.

“I found my way back to you so stranger has happened” Dean placed a kiss on your cheek “We're together that's what matters, even if we now have a puppy” Juliette barked again and he laughed “Yeah yeah yeah. I hear ya” 

@starkleila @lacilou @suckitands33 @lyarr24 @decadentstrangernacho @nix-rose @irgendwas122 @deans-baby-momma @deans-spinster-witch @tas898

[asumofwords]

Smoke, Fire and Ash

Warnings: This fic includes noncon, dubcon, manipulation, violence, death, forced marriage, and inc3st. Tags will be added as the fic goes on. Court, death, mentions of violence.

This is a dark!fic. 18+ only. Read at your own discretion. Please read the warnings before continuing.

Summary: You are the eldest daughter of Rhaenyra and Daemon Targaryen. You are forced to navigate the difficult surroundings of your upbringing and the eventual disintegration between your family and the Hightower's relationship. What will happen when your older and estranged uncle suddenly takes a more sinister interest in you? (Dark!Aemond x Reader)

Masterlist

Characters: Aemond Targaryen X Reader, HOTD characters.

Note: Hello angels! We are getting closer and closer to the end! Only 3 more chapters to go, I can't wait to finish this with you. I know I sound like a broken record, but jesus! I've had this bad boy ageing in my computer waiting to be posted haha. Anyone, Enjoy! <3

Chapter 107: And So The Tide Rushes to Shore 

The news of the seizing of Kings Landing by Rhaenyra and Daemon Targaryen spread across the realm like wild fire. There was no corner that had not heard the news, nor person that had not swallowed in apprehension.

But the promise of war was over.

There would be no war.

No torching of the realm and its innocents, no destruction of Keeps and homes and livestock. No call for men to join armies and fight for the throne in a bloody and violent death. Nor women and children who would be left alone without their fathers, or husbands.

However, now was a time where the fragility of her rule would hang upon a delicate thread, and although Rhaenyra had her supporters, there were still those who had supported Aegon’s rule, and then subsequently Aemond’s.

The Small Council of the Greens had been rounded into cells by guards and knights. Gold cloaks flooding the Keep at the order of Daemon, a man who they had kept their allegiance to for all his time spent away.

And as Rhaenyra had personally escorted you, alongside Daemon, towards your original chambers, the ones that you grew up in, and not the one that now housed the corpse of your late husband, you walked quietly, dagger still in your hand, Daemon’s fingers unable to pry it from you just yet.

The corridors were a mess of Lords and Ladies, maids and servants who rushed and fled, were captured, and otherwise scattering like ants as they were unsure of what to do, or what was to come. 

Above you, four large dragons, circled the Keep, crying out into the air. A vision of red, and green, and pale pearl flying about as they surveyed the Red Keep below. One outsized them all.

The bronze scales of Vermithor shimmered brightly in the sun.

A sob of relief fell from your lips as you watched him, looking up at a dragon you had been separated for months from, not being able to see him or know he was okay. There was agitation in his body as he flew, but otherwise he was safe.

He was safe.

And he knew you were too.

When you had gotten to your chambers, Amala and Joanna were already there, waiting, wringing their hands together in anticipation. And upon seeing you, Amala had gasped, and ran towards you, hands checking your face for wounds, no doubt shocked by the blood.

Daemon turned to the girls, “Fetch her some water for a bath.”

And with that, their fussing and stress stopped, and they sprung into action, running from the chambers. Both girls eyes dragging over your body and the crown atop your head as they exited.

It was weird to be back in them. 

The chambers that felt alien to you now.

You stood in the room you had once called your own and breathed, slowly walking over to your old table to place the dagger atop it, finally feeling safe. Finally feeling as though you didn't need the blade any longer. That the last piece of safety Aemond had given to you had served its purpose. And it was then that you breathed, truly breathed. Breathed for the first time since coming to the Red Keep.

It was over. 

It was over.

You stood as you were and watched the maids return, another younger girl in tow, blonde and thin, who bowed and introduced herself quietly to you, ‘Ceryse, Your Grace’, eyes widening at the blood on your skin and hair before she averted her eyes, face having turned ashen.

Daemon and Rhaenyra waited with you as they filled the bath, and as the chamber doors opened once again, you had expected one of the girls to be bringing more water to rinse you with, but instead, you were met with a pair of deep brown eyes. 

Jacaerys.

You sucked in a sob as he raced across the chambers, crashing his body into yours as he gripped you tightly. You almost fell backwards from the clashing of your bodies, arms curled under his and up his back, squeezing the leather riding tunic he wore to you tightly. 

He smelt of dragon, of musk, and the subtle sulfur of dragon flame. But most of all, he smelt of home.

You half sobbed and half laughed, overjoyed and grieving all at once in his arms. Hands shaking around him as he squeezed you tightly. His chest shaking as he sobbed himself, holding you outwards in his arms as his eyes roamed your body, looking you over.

He was taller, so much taller than he had been, and broader too. His hair was long against his shoulders and curled, pulled behind his ears by braids.

"You're here." He breathed, as though he was even unsure of it. As if seeing you had confirmed that his greatest fear had not come true.

You nodded, hand coming to touch his jaw gently. He grabbed the wrist that held his face tightly, emotion pouring through his eyes as he shook. And in a turn of familiarity that you only knew from Daemon, he rested his forehead against yours and breathed, eyes shut, brown lashes clumped together and wet as he fought the tears that escaped them.

"I'm here." You breathed, "I'm here."

The rest was a blur.

A blur of reunion, a blur of being bathed, the milky water below turning a soft pink, to an earthy copper as the blood was washed from your hair and face. The maids scrubbing your body with a sponge to pull the dried blood from your skin, Rhaenyra not once leaving your side.

One of the maids had to bring her a chair and tell her to sit down as she anxiously stood between you and the door, eyes darting back and forth, the fear of having you taken from her again ripe.

But nothing had happened. No knights entered to take away, no Greens supporters came to call, no Alicent, or Jasper, or anyone. Just you and your mother, who insisted on brushing and braiding your hair, and you had let her, tears cascading down your cheeks as she hummed to you.

A familiar tune.

Something the maids had sang to you a long time ago, but this time, it was the song of the Goddess Meleys, and you had cried even harder.

She had been there all along.

That evening you dined with your family, exhaustion burrowed deep within your bones.

And it was still all a blur, it felt like a dream still. Sat with Rhaenyra, Daemon, Jacaerys, Rhaenys and Baela around the table in the intimate dining hall. 

It was almost like it had been before.

Before the war. 

As though this was as it was supposed to be. 

Almost.

And whilst they celebrated the victory quietly and solemnly, toasting a cup towards you which you lifted your own in response, there was no denying the grief that lingered in the foreground. No denying the grief of the loss of Lucerys and your sister. Their palpable absence. The grief of the war and time lost, of your own child, of Aemond.

Tears escaped your eyes, and you were thankful to be with them, but for the most part, sitting with your family, it felt as though you were watching them all through somebody else’s eyes, as though you were watching from somewhere else, or that you were a puppet from Flea Bottom and somebody, high above in the clouds, was pulling your strings, stretching your cheeks into a smile, nodding your head in agreement, ears listening to tales and comments of relief without truly listening. 

It was not a loud and joyous celebration. In fact, it felt more like a funeral, like the one for Laena, like the one for Laenor.

There was no music, there was no dancing, but it was enough.

It was enough to just be with them, to just be in their presence, hear their voices, be able to reach out and touch them if you wanted to. The subtle scents of their own, curling around you in a soft blanket.

You had reached for your goblet at one point during the night, mouth having gone dry at the mention of Aegon, and you had to hold in a scream, eyes finding your hands covered in blood once more. Your eyes had widened in shock, a small inhale ripped into your lungs, and Daemons careful eye from across the room had spotted you.

And though the maids had washed and scrubbed you vigorously, cleaning under your nails with careful hands, even though you knew in your heart that you were clean, it didn't stop your mind from seeing them soaked red with your lovers blood. Covered as they had been that morning.

And he was there.

Watching.

By the corner of the room.

Eye never leaving you.

But you kept a brave face, if only for a while longer, not daring to look where you hands would reach, grasping blinding in front of you, resulting in wine spilt and worried eyes. You had blamed your tired and shaky hands. For how were you to explain that when you looked down upon them you saw the proof of your misdeeds. The proof of your sin. The proof of your betrayal.

Then all too soon, exhaustion creeped over you, and your mother, noticing the shift, escorted you back to your chambers, and readily tucked you into bed, sitting on the side as she looked at you with nothing but love. She brushed your hair from your face, and without a word, climbed into bed beside you. She pulled you to her tightly, and you curled up against her, nestling your head into the crook of her neck to breathe deeply.

And as your eyes were closed, you let yourself pretend that it was him.

Sleep dragged you under, and no dreams haunted you this time, though you felt his presence behind you. And when you woke, still in her arms, her hand was holding your head against her as she breathed, fingers absentmindedly carding through your hair in thought. You shifted, looking up into her lilac eyes which seemed to be shadowed, dark rings on the skin beneath.

She had not slept.

“Did you rest?” You asked, eyes darting across her face as you shifted to sit up in bed.

“I have not slept since the day you left. And now that I have you in my arms again, I am frightened that my eyes shall close, and when they open and you will be gone.”

You swallowed thickly, “I would never leave you.”

Rhaenyra gave you a small smile, though edges pulled down into a frown.

“If it is your wish, I would not keep you here in the Keep. If the memories are-“ She paused, unsure of how to move on, “If it is too much to bear, I would not hold you here. I would not force you to stay.” She whispered, brushing your hair from your face.

You frowned at her, “I am your Hand. I am bound by duty to be at your side.”

Rhaenyra let out the breath she had been holding before she nodded, “Duty be damned, I think you have performed yours and then some, more than I ever would have asked you to." She breathed deeply, "The rest of the council and my men shall arrive today. There will be a trial, to convict those who have plotted against me. Those who aided Aegon in the usurpation of the throne. And those who kept you here.”

You shifted in the sheets as you looked at your mother. 

Her soft brows pulled slightly together, the frown lines that seemed to now permanently mar her skin, were present with the movements of her lips, which she pressed together into a thin line, moving to open again.

But you beat her to it, “Then we must be ready.”

And so, you were dressed in a black leather bustier, with large winged shoulders, the neck of the leather coming just below your chin. It was a shorter gown, coming just mid calf, and beneath, you wore black trousers and leather boots that tucked them inside, just below the knee. Across your chest was chains, hooped and long against your bust, each end being the opened mouth of a dragon on either side.

The girls braided your hair back, gentle and soft in their movements, both working together as they used small pins with red jewels at their tip to hold your hair up and off of your neck. And all the while, your eyes did not leave the Conquerors Crown that was placed atop the table, smears of blood on the steel and ruby.

Rhaenyra had already left, to be dressed and readied for court in her old chambers, joined by her husband. But you were rooted on the spot, unable to move as you looked at it, watching as the light from the sun caused the ruby to glimmer.

A blood red.

Blood.

Like the blood that had covered you. Like the blood you had tried to stop at Aemond’s neck. The blood that spilled through your hands and his and soaked the sheets and pillows below. The blood that had soaked you.

You would not dare look at your hands, for you knew what you would see.

You blinked and moved towards it.

But it was your crown.

Yours by right.

And so you lifted it, placing it atop your head, revelling in the weight that it pressed down your neck. The weight that then settled in your chest and gut. 

With determined steps, you left the chambers, blade tucked into a holder at your side, dried blood still smeared across its blade and hilt as you walked swiftly down to the throne room to meet your Queen, and meet with the rest of the council and Lords of the realm.

All ready to see and watch the true heir to the Iron Throne be seated where she should have always sat, from the moment Viserys had passed, and for her to cast down her judgement on those who went against her. 

Traitors and turncloaks alike.

When you entered the throne room, it was bursting with life, and the floor where Larys had laid was stained with his dried blood, a large smear across the stones from where his body had been dragged and removed.

All eyes were on you, each step echoing in the chambers as the people quietened, and your mother lifted her head.

Your father stood at the foot of the throne, Jacaerys beside him, as you came to stand before her.

Ser Erryk Cargyll announced you to the chambers, presenting your titles to the room, “Hand of the Queen.”

With a bow of your head, foot sliding beneath you, you pressed your knee upon the floor and reached a hand up, grasping the crown from your head as you held it towards her, “Your Grace, I give my crown lands and titles to you, Queen Rhaenyra Targaryen, the true heir to the Iron Throne.” When you stood again, you looked up at your mother who smiled gently at you.

“Princess Y/n, my daughter and first born, you have earnt that crown valiantly, through months of tireless work.” Her voice rose in the chambers, all still as they listened, “You may hold it in your possession, as a reminder of your deeds.” You could feel the eyes of all in the chambers flickering on the back of your head and then to the Queen who sat atop the throne.

“Your acts of bravery have not gone unnoticed, nor has your role in winning this war, and returning the throne and all the realms to me rightfully.” Jacaerys shifted at your fathers side, a small smile pulling at the side of his lips, “And at this time, the succession for the Iron Throne has changed.”

What?

Your breath stopped in your chest, eyes darting to Jacaerys who gave you the slightest tip of his head.

“Let all who stand here bear witness to the naming of my true successor. A successor who had been promised the throne once before.” Her eyes met yours, “Let it be known, that in the eyes of the Realm and before the Old Gods and the New, that my daughter, Princess Y/n Velaryon, is my heir and successor to the Iron Throne. Duty of the Hand of the Queen shall be placed upon Ser Corlys Velaryon.”

Heir.

Successor.

You blinked.

You were her heir.

You were the heir to the Iron Throne.

"But now," the Queen continued, "Is not the time for talks of succession and my rule. Now is the time to bring forth traitors and turncloak's who broke their oath to my father, King Viserys, and to me, the rightful heir to the Seven Kingdoms."

The sound of men around you shifted as they bowed their head towards you, your face in pure shock as you looked at them.

“Now,” The Queen boomed over the rising whispers in the chambers, “Bring forth the accused.”

You stepped on unsteady feet, unsure and uncertain as you came to stand beneath the throne on the opposite side of your brother and father, both who beamed at you with pride. The Conquerors Crown still in your hands, the cool Valyrian steel pressing into your palm.

But as the doors to the chambers were opened once more by guards, you had snuck a glance at your father, who was already watching you, and gave you a promissory nod. And so with certain hands, you lifted the crown once more, and settled it against your scalp.

Wild auburn hair appeared first, and then a gown of deep green as Alicent Hightower was dragged before the Iron Throne by Gold Cloaks. Each one stood behind her as her hands were locked in chains at her front, eyes flickering from you, to Rhaenyra, and then back to you.

And then you began.

“Lady Alicent Hightower. Dowager Queen of King Viserys. You stand before Queen Rhaenyra Targaryen, First of Her Name, Queen of the Andals, and the Roynar, and The First men, Lady of the Seven Kingdoms and Protector of the Realm. You are bought here to be charged with crimes against the Crown. You are accused of treason.” Your voice carried through the chambers, the chains on Alicent’s wrists knocking against each other as she picked at her hands, fingers raw and bloody.

“You are charged with conspiring against the Crown to usurp the throne with Prince Aegon Targaryen and Ser Otto Hightower. You are charged with the conspiracy to cause harm to a Princess of the realm, and her wrongful imprisonment.”

“Rhaenyra, see reason. I beg you. Your father-“ Alicent began to plead.

“-My father,” Rhaenyra’s voice boomed, “Is dead. And you kept that hidden from the people for days, and rushed to crown Aegon as King in the Sept before the realm. You usurped the throne from its rightful heir and King Viserys’ successor, whom your House swore fealty to. Do you deny your charges?”

“I beg mercy! I only did as I believed was right. Viserys told me before he passed that he wished Aegon to sit the thr-”

“-You will have chance to make your own petition, Lady Alicent. Do Queen Rhaenyra the curtesy of letting the charges to be heard.” You held your head high, mimicking the same words she had said to your mother, a long time ago, “If the Lady Alicent Hightower speaks out of turn once more, cut out her tongue.” You watched as her face ashened, and her brows pulled together in desperation.

“You supplanted the Iron Throne’s rightful heir.” Rhaenyra growled, “You sent Aemond to slay my son, Prince Lucerys, the heir to Driftmark, who was an envoy in Storms End. And you have kept the Princess, my heir to the Iron Throne prisoner in this Keep under the hands of your rabid sons.”

“Please, Rhaenyra.” Alicent begged, “Am I to pay for the crimes of the wants of a father on his daughter? For the crimes of my sons? We were close, you and I. Friends!”

Daemon snickered beside the throne as he watched the Hightower woman beg.

Rhaenyra straightened, “What good is a friend who plots and grooms her sons into usurping the throne from its rightful heir? Their half-sister? From her supposed friend? These crimes are treason. And there are witnesses. A Maester who was slain here. Maids who had watched. Gold Cloaks, and servants, and Lords alike witnessed your crimes, Lady Alicent. Do you deny these charges?”

A tear fell from Alicent’s eyes as she sucked in a shuttering breath.

She stayed silent.

Rhaenyra looked at the woman from down her nose before speaking once more, delivering her conviction.

“For your crimes against the Crown, against my blood, and against the people of the realm, you are found guilty. I, Queen Rhaenyra Targaryen, First of Her Name, Queen of the Andals, and the Roynar, and The First men, Lady of the Seven Kingdoms and Protector of the Realm, sentence you to death by dragon fire.”

Alicent’s face morphed into horror, “No! Rhaenyra, please! I beg mercy! We are but women who had our hands forced by the men around us!” She cried into the chambers as she was dragged out by the Gold Cloaks, “What choice did I have?! Imprison me, Rhaenyra, I beg this of you!”

Alicent Hightower’s voice faded down the halls and walls she was dragged down, pleading for mercy, begging to the Seven for help. But the Seven did not hear to her prayers, for the Stranger was already on their way to take her.

Maester Orwyle was next, and the man stood silently as his charges were given to him. He did not speak, nor did he rebuke them, or plead for mercy. Instead, his dark brown eyes stared into your mothers with nothing more than disgust and pure hatred, until he was pulled away, the same way he came, back to the holding cells of the Dungeons you had once spent your days in, with his verdict. 

Guilty.

It was this way until the whole of the Green Council and turncloaks was laid before your mother, each one individually brought before the Queen, had their accusations of treason laid. Some were given the option to bend the knee to Rhaenyra and serve her in exchange for their lives, others were not. 

None, bar Lord Jasper Wylde, bent the knee.

And all, bar the Master of Laws, was sentenced to death.

The chamber of the Iron Throne was ripe with energy. Nervous, excited energy from Rhaenyra’s supporters as they watched on as they delivered the sentences to those who had betrayed or turned cloak against her. 

And then, the court was dismissed, and the Lords and her supporters were led outside of the Keep, to the mouth of Blackwater Rush, where a flat grassy knoll lay before the cliffs, and a worn path for traders was trodden upon. 

It was there where Lady Alicent Hightower was led, beside her Maester Orwyle, Ser Tyland Lannister, and the turncloaks, Lord Bourney, Butterwell, Mootey and Rosby stood in a line. 

The oceans breeze ruffled the cloaks and hair of all those in attendance, and Rhaenyra was the last one present. The final person to arrive. 

Above you, the large and excitable screech of a dragon who would finally be reunited with its rider. 

Alicent looked up the skies in fear, her hands clutched tightly together in prayer as she shut her eyes, mumbling to the Seven, begging for mercy, and guidance, and promises of good servitude if they grant her her life.

But dragons did not answer to the Gods.

Nor were they inclined to show mercy.

And so you watched, in delight and anticipation, as the large bronze dragon landed against the grass beside you, purring into the air with his large scarred snout, mouth full of jagged teeth opening, and eyes dancing over you. 

All watched as you reached out to touch him, the dragon rumbling deep in his chest as he leant into your hand. The bond sent sparks through your fingers and arms as you leant a forehead against him, breathing in his dragon smell, sulfur and smoke, and the distinct almost reptilian stench that they all carried. 

But your true reunion would have to wait, for the Queen and realm were waiting on you.

It was only right that you delivered the blow of justice. 

As heir.

As now stand in Hand before Corlys.

In fact, your mother and father had been most insistent upon it, if only you wanted to. 

And the Gods knew that you did.

The crowd of people shuffled backwards as Vermithor’s long tail beat against the ground forcefully, vibrating the earth beneath.

Alicent Hightower jumped in her spot, knuckles white as she stared at you in fear.

“You are guilty and have been charged of treason-”

“-I am innocent. I beg mercy, please. Rhaenyra, see reason!” Alicent cried out into the soft ocean breeze, her words lost to the crashing swell. Rhaenyra blinked impassively at the woman.

“Reason?” You parroted, “Mercy?”

“Please, it was the ambitions of a father onto his child. I had no play-“

“No play? None?” You sneered.

There was that rage again.

“I beg mercy. I will work in-“

“-Where was your mercy for the Queen when you usurped her throne?” You stiffened, Vermithor behind you growling, sensing your anger through the bond. 

“Where was your mercy for her sons? For Lucerys?”

“I was not at-“

The Bronze Fury shifted behind you, head coming to loom forward in the space beside, teeth bared as he growled at the woman who dropped to her knees in fear, legs giving out beneath her.

"Where was your mercy when you locked me in a cell? Where was your mercy when you let him rape me? Defile me.” You took a step forward towards her, “Hurt me.” 

Another step, and ice spread through your chest, “Where was your mercy when the King broke into my chambers?” You spoke dully this time, but inside you was the fire that you had hidden. Trampled by your own hands and feet in order to keep on, to keep moving. 

To survive.

Vermithor lifted his head into the sky and cried out shrilly, all around him flinching from the sudden movement. His large jaws opened, and a plume of fire shot into the air, the heat falling down around you hotly. 

You looked down at the woman who started it all. 

Her children. 

The usurp of your mother. 

The war. 

Lucerys. 

Syndor. 

Visenya. 

All of it.

“You are found guilty of treason, for the usurpation of the Iron Throne from its rightful heir. You are guilty of crimes to the Princess; Daughter and heir of the Queen. You are guilty of hiding the death of King Viserys from the people and Lords to conspire with turncloaks and oathbreakers. And you have been sentenced to death.”

You stared into the eyes of the woman before you, tears cascading down her cheeks as she looked up at you and pleaded, begged for her life, begged for mercy.

Prayed. 

Her hair was messed, her robes were crinkled and green, and as you looked at the woman you felt a surge of rage.

“Dracarys.”

Thanks so much for reading along with me, if you wish to be added to the tag list please let me know :) Likes and reblogs are greatly appreciated ! Enjoy <3

Tag List:

@izzicle @ej-shitchats @may-machin @alegria1580 @witchy-jadda @videovampire @inkdelicious @queteimporta39 @virtualsweetsqueen @fo-cus @auratiqs @feyres-fireheart @queenofshinigamis @asoiafwh8re @teasandcrumpets @shesjustanothergeek @grungegrrrl@queenofsarcazm @marihoneywk @curlszx88 @virgogaia @loser-keiji @asoiafwh8re @whore-of-many-hot-men @vipervixxen @theonewiththeimaginaryboyfriends @watercolorskyy @lavendervisions @mazmack666 @chokefrog @orangejump-suit @nik2blog @serrhaewinin @ohemgeewhat @winxschester @cryptidsrcool @drinking-tea-and-be-obsessed @celestedonut @bloodyvelvet777 @iamapersonthatsalive @av-sos @yentroucnagol @sanzu-s @opheliaas-stuff @bellameshipper @maviee @persephonerinyes @neytiri-09 @ensnaredinwonderland @xbluegracex @sotragedynut @nattieot7 @shesawaywiththefairies-blog @coffedraven @prettycutebunny @celestedonut @the-jess-life @ssulfurr @out-of-life @madislayyy @crazylokonugget @cicaspair418 @katwmk @relminnie @milovart @teagrex @visenyaverse @bellameshipper @toodlesxcuddles @tempt-ress @dontmindmereading7 @qyburnsghost @55gyi53vtnquwziq5 @notnormalthings-blog @maidmerrymint @qyburnsghost @madislayyy @chelseaouat

Bold is who I cannot tag!

[joelletwo]

reading thru the The Final utsuro fight visuals with the vocabulary i gained while liveblogging gintama

[VD: the section of the fight that has gintoki and utsuro-in-takasugi's-body slide through reanimated flashbacks to past scenes of the series that cast them as past versions of themselves, shouyou, and takasugi]

bc the maths is insanes

the initial flashback is to their immediately previous silver soul fight - the casting of the conflict as unending, progressless, in utsuro's favor. have either of them appreciably changed since then? is anything different? what is initially an incomplete brief flash - with utsuro still inhabiting takasugi - solidifies when he regresses to his original body and begins to more effectively counter gintoki. utsuro remains on the right throughout.

direct cut from there pulled further back in time to gintoki's immediately previous fight with takasugi's body in shogun assassination - takasugi on the right, giving utsuro in his body the power of Unconscionable Violence (senseless, gleeful, and knowing you well enough to perpetrate it) (joelletwo tags on squeaky toy video, 2023, repeated endlessly every day since)

but it's mutual - gintoki also knows you well enough to turn the tables and get the upper hand back

(not that this meaningfully stops you for long).

direct cut from there slightly forward in time to gintoki's first fight with utsuro in the immediately following farewell shinsengumi, where the revelations overwhelm him and reduce him to being fueled by the pure instinctual anger of The Demonic, a state of losing yourself and your ability to fight effectively (reductionisms, 2023),

conditions where it's all you can do to hold out against an enemy that represents something so big in your psyche,

which he knows about, since he's been that for you before. back in time again to the first (onscreen) takasugi confrontation, right before taking advantage of your precarious mental state to punch you out of the plotline (kraniumet tags on yamameta post addition, 2022)

but utsuro keeps a vice grip on control of the story, surfacing back into the present to stop and reverse his fall mid-air so he can stay anchored in the battle with gintoki,

meaning he remains vulnerable to the weaknesses of the body he's in, which only ever exists anymore in one memory - you're unable to move, only to witness. a third figure is introduced, who is more you than you here, while gintoki remains himself.

the you more you than you accepts death while you watch it approach with helpless despair and terror.

the collapse of utsuro back into the body he inhabits in present invites a re-examining of the series of flashbacks thus far - where the perspective of who controls the focal memory seems to flip from utsuro to gintoki back to utsuro here, does it? the farewell shins->festival transition is 1:1 substitutional, working out so that utsuro-as-takasugi winds back up on the right.

but it isn't utsuro borrowing a strength of his like Violence here - it's, just like in the execution, succumbing to one of his weaknesses. flipping between the two scenes, takasugi's derailing fear of gintoki as a figure becomes gintoki's of utsuro. there's a double elision of takasugi (missing from farewell shins due to his fight with gintoki) so that utsuro becomes both gintokis - making him both the one who looms large, and the one who is destabilized by.

gintoki signifies something huge to utsuro, after all.

he takes up the role he had back then, the one you assigned him from the start, because half of his time always exists in that one moment now as well.

being the one who acts on the story and moves it forward, brings it to an end.

the regression through history continues to child against unbeatable teacher, again the question of if either of you has grown since you met. gintoki becomes the underdog challenger on the right.

the refusal to give up an unwinnable fight, no matter how many times it's tried, the even-back-then way that gintoki becomes a shouyou figure for others, fluidly shifts you forward in time.

the reverse shot, the perspective flip - the identity lines cross.

he drags you through time with him, until you're someone he knows how to beat.

(because, again, you know each other so well as to be losslessly interchangeable, for two opposing souls in the process of finding themselves - conquering themselves - to become indivisible.) (reductionisms translation, 2024) (yamameta ouroboros poem, 2023)

and even when you win - earn by ceaseless trial and effort the right to play his trick back on him and dethrone/defang him by pushing him literally out of frame - ...

he learns from you as well and pulls himself back in by your anchor.

[ljones41]

"LOST" Retrospect: "Who Ordered the Dharma Initiative Purge?"

Years ago, I had a written an article that speculated on which character from the ABC series, "LOST", was responsible for an incident called "the Dharma Purge". After a few re-watches of the series, I wrote this revision of the ARTICLE.

"LOST" RETROSPECTIVE: "WHO ORDERED THE DHARMA INITIATIVE PURGE?"

Seven years ago, I had written this article about a major incident on the ABC television series, "LOST". This incident happened to focus on the murders or "Purge" of the scientific research organization known as the Dharma Initiative. It happened on December 19, 1992; nearly twelve years before the series began and before the crash of Oceanic Airlines 815 flight.

In the Season Five episode, (5.10) "He's Our You", Oceanic Flight 815 survivor and later, time traveler Sayid Jarrah tried to murder young Ben Linus in 1977. In the following episode, another Oceanic time traveler, Dr. Jack Shephard, refused to treat the badly wounded Ben, who was near death. Eventually, two other time traveling castaways, James "Sawyer" Ford and Kate Austen, had taken Ben to the Others aka the Hostiles aka the Natives, a group of island inhabitants who served as its protectors on the behalf of the main protector Jacob, for treatment via Dr. Juliet Burke's instructions. Within a decade-and-a-half, Ben ended up ousting future billionaire Charles Widmore as leader of the Others.

Ever since the series had first aired, many fans had been uncertain of when Ben's tenure as the Others' leader had began - before or after the Purge. As I had stated earlier, the Purge occurred in December 1992, on the same day as Ben's birthday and during the same month as the Others' rejection of Widmore as their leader. Many fans and television critics had automatically assumed Ben had ordered the Purge. I have heard comments that compared Ben to Adolf Hitler. I have also heard comments that compared Ben’s younger self to a "young Hitler". Many people have claimed that it was Ben who had ordered the deaths of the Dharma Initiative members. However, I have my doubts.

During Seasons Three and Four, Ben had offered contradicting comments on whether or not he had ordered the Dharma Initiative Purge. In (3.23) "Through the Looking Glass", he had claimed responsibility of the Purge to Jack:

"Not so long ago, Jack. I made a decision that took the lives of over forty people in a single day"

Unfortunately, Ben had contradicted this claim in two other episodes. In the Season Three episode, (3.20) "The Man Behind the Curtain", he had said this to Oceanic survivor John Locke, while he displayed the remains of Dharma members at a mass grave:

"This is where I came from, John. These are my people. The Dharma Initiative. They came here seeking harmony, but they couldn't even co-exist with the Island's original inhabitants. And when it became clear that one side had to go, one side had to be purged, I did what I had to do. I was one of the people that was smart enough to make sure that I didn't end up in that ditch. Which makes me considerably smarter than you, John."

Ben never claimed responsibility for ordering the Purge to Locke. He had confessed to participating in the Purge. That same episode made it clear that his participation involved killing his abusive father, Dharma Initiative worker, Roger Linus. In fact, Ben also made the same thing clear in the Season Four episode, (4.11) "Cabin Fever", when he had the following conversation with another Oceanic castaway, Hugo "Hurley" Reyes:

HURLEY: So... This is where you shot Locke and left him for dead, huh? BEN: Yes, Hugo, I was standing right where you are now when I pulled the trigger. Should have realized at the time that it was pointless, but... I really wasn't thinking clearly. [Hurley steps back a little] HURLEY: Is that why you killed all these people, too? BEN: I didn't kill them. HURLEY: Well, if the Others didn't wipe out the Dharma Initiative -- BEN: They did wipe them out, Hugo, but it wasn't my decision. HURLEY: Then whose was it? BEN: Their leader's. HURLEY: But I thought you were their leader. BEN: Not always.

Interesting. He had admitted to trying to kill Locke in "The Man Behind the Curtain". But he denied being the one who had ordered the Purge. Also, Ben had been truthful when he told Hurley that he had not always been the Others' leader. The series had featured three other leaders - the ageless Richard Alpert (who eventually became the future leaders' advisor), Eloise Hawking and Widmore. Although some fans remain convinced that Ben had ordered the Purge, there are a good number of fans who hold Widmore responsible.

Thanks to a flashback in the Season Five episode called (5.12) "Dead Is Dead" - viewers learned that Widmore had definitely been the leader of the Others back in 1988. And in another Season Four episode called (4.09) "The Shape of Things to Come", viewers learned in a flash forward scene set in London that Ben had taken the leadership of the Others away from Widmore:

WIDMORE: I know who you are, boy. What you are. I know that everything you have you took from me. So... Once again I ask you: Why are you here? BEN: I'm here, Charles, to tell you that I'm going to kill your daughter. Penelope, is it? And once she's gone... once she's dead... then you'll understand how I feel. And you'll wish you hadn't changed the rules. [Widmore shifts in his bed.] WIDMORE: You'll never find her. [Ben turns to leave.] WIDMORE: That island's mine, Benjamin. It always was. It will be again.

I found it interesting that Widmore had regarded the island as "his". And there were other aspects of Widmore that I found interesting. The Season Five episode, (5.03) "Jughead", had revealed Widmore as a member of the Others, as far back as 1954 (when he was seventeen years-old). As one of the Others, Widmore (along with Richard and Hawking) had participated in a previous purge - that of U.S. Army personnel, who had brought a hydrogen bomb nicknamed "Jughead" with them to the island. On other occasions, Widmore had this inclination to kill anyone he deemed a threat to the island's secrecy. He killed a fellow Other to prevent the latter from leading Locke, Sawyer and Juliet to Richard's location in 1954. The 1988 flashback from "Dead Is Dead" revealed Ben's refusal to kill Danielle Rousseau and her baby, Alex. Instead, he claimed Alex as his child and threatened Danielle to stay away. This decision had angered Widmore, who had expected Ben to kill both. Why were Danielle and Alex's deaths that important to Widmore? Ironically, Widmore finally got his way regarding Danielle and Alex, thanks to Martin Keamy, the mercenary he had sent to the island to snatch Ben in Season Four.

So, when did Ben Linus replace Charles Widmore as leader of the Others? Before December 19, 1992? Or after? The photograph below from "The Man Behind the Curtain" hints that Ben had remained a worker for the DHARMA Initiative during that period, despite joining the Others sometime in the 1980s:

But had Ben assumed leadership of the Others by then? If not, does that mean Charles Widmore was still leading the Others in December 1992? Both the LOSTPEDIA and the WIKIPEDIA sites claimed that Richard Alpert had led the Others' purge against the Dharma Initiative in 1992. But neither site made it clear who had ordered the Purge. And "Dead Is Dead" never gave a clear date on Widmore's exile.

One would assume my choice for the man responsible for ordering the Purge would be Widmore. And you would be right. There seemed a good deal of evidence making him responsible. He had already participated in an earlier purge back in 1954. Ben had revealed time and again his willingness to use violence - even kill those he deemed a threat to himself or for emotional reasons. But the series had also revealed Widmore's willingness to do the same and especially kill in the name of protecting the island. And that included ordering Ben to kill an emotionally unstable Danielle Rousseau and her infant child. Widmore had also sent the murderous Martin Keamy to the island in late Season Three-Season Four to snatch Ben. He had claimed to Locke in (5.07) "The Life and Death of Jeremy Bentham" that he had done so to give Locke the opportunity to become the Others' new leader. Yet, his words to Locke contradicted his words to Ben in London, when he had claimed the island as "his". This scene had occurred nearly a year or more after the events of Season Four.

There is also the matter of whether Keamy had another agenda - namely to kill any of the Oceanic survivors that remained. In "Cabin Fever" he had demanded Sayid reveal the number of other Oceanic survivors and their location. Fortunately, the latter had refused. In a confrontation with the freighter's Captain Gault, Keamy revealed his intentions to "torch" the island. Some claimed that this had been Keamy's angry reaction to his men being attacked by the Smoke Monster. Yet, in (4.08) "Meet Kevin Johnson", Ben had accused the freighter crew of plans to snatch him and kill the island's inhabitants. The only freighter personnel in the room - spiritualist Miles Straume - had remained unusually silent. In the following episode, (4.09) "The Shape of Things to Come", Miles claimed that Keamy and his men were around to serve as security guards for a captured Ben. But there was the revelation that Widmore had set up a false location for the missing Oceanic 815 plane - with a plane wreck and dead bodies included. This is merely an assumption of mine, but I believe Widmore had sent Keamy to not only snatch Ben, but kill the remaining Oceanic survivors as well to maintain the narrative. I found a good deal of clues that led me to suspect Widmore had ordered the Dharma Purge.

After watching the series more than once, I find it increasingly difficult to hold Ben responsible for the Purge. His actions against the Oceanic castaways had featured spying, kidnapping, harassment, threats and manipulation. He rarely resorted to murder - aside from his attempt to kill Locke and his order to kill Sayid, Jin Kwon and Bernard Nader during the events in the Season Three finale, (3.23) "Through the Looking Glass, Part 2". If Ben was truly capable of ordering the Purge, he would have wiped out (or tried) the Oceanic survivors after getting Jack to remove the tumor from his spine. The man had proved incapable of following Widmore's orders to kill Danielle and Alex.

In the end, viewers know that Charles Widmore had been the leader of the Others in 1988-89, when he had ordered Ben Linus to kill Danielle Rosseau and her infant daughter. Viewers know that Ben had refused. Viewers also know that Richard Alpert had led a group of Others in the Purge against the U.S. Army in 1954. He also led the Others' purge against the Dharma Initiative on December 19, 1992. On that same date, Ben killed his father, Roger Linus, in a similar manner – by toxic gas. And viewers know that Ben had eventually replaced Widmore and exiled the latter off the island. Personally, I suspect Widmore had ordered the Purge against Dharma. But I suspect it was an order he had not issued lightly, given the number of years the Others had been in conflict with the Dharma Initiative.

But I cannot say with any authority that Widmore had ordered the Dharma Initiative Purge. If we only knew exactly when Widmore had been exiled, perhaps this mystery of the Purge will finally be cleared.

[sparkyblizz]

so I've recently been rotating an idea in my head for the funnies where Kirby, Bandana, Meta and Dedede all get magically transported to Earth (while there's still humans present) and are also magically able to transform into human forms, which they do so for the purposes of trying to fit in while they figure out how to get home

all this to say, I randomly pictured a human version of King Dedede wearing a Hawaiian shirt and I just thought that visual was so funny and great

more about this idea under the cut:

Somehow Dedede and Meta have knowledge about what humans are like and this informs how they attempt to fit in

re: above point: they believe that if anyone asks, they have to say they're the parents and Bandana and Kirby are their kids

their human forms originally sport clothes best made to approximate their regular appearances (and while the kids may look vaguely ordinary, the outfits of the adults are not) and so on their first day in [insert well-known American city here] they look extremely out of place

the gang goes into a department store to buy normal clothes and hijinks ensue: Dedede is annoyed by struggling to find clothes in his size, Kirby wants a pink dress and no one objects, etc.

Dedede tries to cook food and messes up so badly he sets the kitchen on fire, and as they're outside watching the fire department deal with it, Dedede sits dejectedly on the ground while Meta massages his shoulders, citing the fact that humans are receptive to physical touch and it could make him feel better since they're in human form (and it does make him feel better) (I had to include at least one metadede moment in there)

the gang has a beach day and marvel at how swimming is starkly different when you've got long limbs and need to breathe air (these guys can just be underwater for so long in games oh my god)

I think that's it for my silly ideas rn I'm so sorry Kirby fandom no one should have ever let me play these games now you're plagued with my random thoughts and ideas

[jbk405]

A random question for the Buffyverse fandom: In your first watch did you think it was common for vampires to be cursed with a soul?

I've seen a bunch of people working their way through the Buffyverse for their first time, and many off them seem to think that vampires being given a soul is (relatively) easy to accomplish and even (somewhat) common. And they're so convinced of this that they get confused and frustrated when it keeps not happening in both TV shows.

I mainly see this opinion pop up right about when they get to season four of Buffy, or season one of Angel.

Once Spike semi-joins the Scoobies after the Initiative puts the chip in his head they keep saying "Why don't they just give him a soul and have him join for real?"

On Angel, where they introduce the idea of non-malevolent demons, they say "So when are we going to see other re-ensouled vampires? We know Angel isn't the only one". Except he is, and nobody in the entire franchise up to this point has ever referred to another vampire with a soul.

It'd be one thing if they said "It would be cool if..." since I do that theorizing myself all the time and that's the joy of fandom and fanfic and headcanons. But what they're saying instead is "we know they do..." and that confuses me.

I came into the franchise sideways myself so I didn't get the "natural" exposure from the beginning (I started with Angel season three and then caught up with everything else). Was this a common expectation that people had during the original airing if they watched Buffy from the beginning?

Or is this a new phenomenon because new watchers have been exposed to 30 more years of Good Vampire media and have come to expect it?

[sandboxscenes]

For you, I'd break the world.

A/N: It's my first time doing something like this. But this got a foothold in my brain and would not let me go. Inspired by this post from @skylovs and partly based on real life shenanigans with the 3.2 photo glitch a couple of months ago.

Honestly, Ayato was the main reason I started Genshin, and he was the first character that I went all in for.

-----

Every action has an equal and opposite reaction.

It should've been impossible for you to meet, but yet…

When you first saw Ayato in his trailer, he captured your heart. The mysteriously shrewd Yashiro commissioner, who operates in the the shadows - Kamisato Ayato. You weren't sure if it was the white official outfit he wore as part of the Kamisato Clan, his elegant movements, his personality, or his voice - equal parts calming and mysterious, that caught you, but you fell for him.

You were well aware of Ayato's status as the Yashiro Commissioner and the responsibilities it came with, and his sister, Ayaka, as the Shirasagi Himegi. In addition, you had devoured every single tidbit about him and the Kamisato clan that you could get your hands on. Even with the constraints of the game locking you out of his story quest, and even Inazuma, you read everything about him - his past, and his stories, and committed them to heart.

You wanted him.

You needed him.

And you were willing to break all of the rules to do so.

"If I can get to Inazuma without going past AR 25, I will pull for him. I want him. I won't ascend my world level until I get him."

The words quietly left your lips. It was a mantra of sorts. A phrase you'd say to yourself often, when you were exploring around the world of Teyvat.

For you, it was also a reminder of the goal that you set for yourself. Ayato's original banner had long since passed, but you were hoping that he would be getting a re-run soon. That singular piece of hope is why you were hunting. You wanted to gather enough primogems, in the hopes that he would come to you on a golden star.

When rumors swirled online regarding the reappearance of a glitch that would allow beginning players to make their way to the closed nation of Inazuma, you were intrigued.

A way to make it to Inazuma? Without getting struck by lighting? Impossible.

It must be too good to be true, you thought. You shook your head and heaved a heavy sigh. You weren't necessarily the best at video games in general, so the thought of being able to essentially break the game, by being somewhere where you weren't supposed to be was a hard ask. But you also couldn't help your curiosity.

After a few days, your curiosity won out, and you decided to put the glitch to the test. You watched endless tutorial videos on the glitch. After multiple failures, you ended up with a success, and watched as your character walked on air.

"Yes!" You loudly yelled as your character maneuvered around, defying gravity.

The success spurred a fire in you. You needed to repeat the conditions and do additional testing to master the glitch. But you did not care how many hours it would take. You were determined to travel to Inazuma, no matter what.

The first place you touched down in Inazuma after walking on air, was the Kamisato Estate. A fitting place for you to touch down. After unlocking the wavepoint right by the Kamisato Estate, you hunkered down and continued to hunt down primogems.

Then, the fated day of his banner arrived.

You opened up the wishing window. You took a deep breath. With all of the primogems that you gathered, you put your hands together and whispered a silent prayer. You clicked the button to wish, and you closed your eyes, hoping for a miracle.

The first ten pull you did, you saw a purple star shooting across the screen. Not him. You knew it was unlikely for you to meet him, but a part of you hoped that you could meet him immediately. That did not happen. Ten pulls turned into thirty pulls that turned into eighty Pulls, but still, he was nowhere to be found.

Your heart tightened. Anxiety swirled in your thoughts. Even though you knew that you had enough offerings for him, you made sure of it. You couldn't help when your thoughts turned doubtful.

"Why can't I get him? Why?"

Your muttered to no one in particular. You laid your head down on your desk as your eyes fell on the wishing screen in front of you. Ayato's visage seemed to be taunting you the more you looked at the screen. As if in a trance, your fingers lazily clicked the button for another ten pull.

Ninety pulls. Hard Pity.

You sat up with a start when you saw the golden star fly across the screen. The anticipation built up in your chest as you held your breath to see who would appear on your screen. One by one, the pulls were revealed. But you couldn't concentrate on them. You wanted to know if you could meet Ayato.

When the golden star was revealed to be the Yuheng of the Liyue Quixing, Kequing, your heart fell. You knew of Kequing and liked her fine enough, but she wasn't who you wanted. You wanted Ayato. You knew that if you continued your offerings, you would be able to meet him. But still, a small part of you disliked how things played out. You wanted Ayato to be the first one you met.

You laid your head down on the computer keyboard, as you mentally tried to psych yourself up enough to continue to pull. The keys dug into part of your face, but you didn't care.

"Ayato, please come home."

Your soft words floated on the air. You knew it was futile to say, but you couldn't help yourself. Perhaps, despite Genshin being a videogame, you wanted to lose yourself in the hope that he could hear you, and that your sentiments would reach him.

Ding!

The sound, followed by a blue notification, popped up on your computer, informing you that the computer was about to run out of battery. You looked around for the power cord. You plugged it into the computer, and felt a small shock jump up your arm. You looked at the cord and then at your hand. You flexed your hand to make sure there was nothing out of the ordinary. It felt fine.

That was weird.

Your computer had only been on for a few minutes, but it was weird how the battery drained so quickly. You knew that you played Genshin last night, but you were sure that you left charging before you went to bed. You thought so, at least. You shrugged. Maybe you are making a big deal out of nothing. Your memory may have been mistaken, and you forgot to plug it in last night. It was an honest mistake that you've done before.

"Alright, Ayato. I promise you, I'll bring you home. I'm ready."

Are you?

You hesitated for a second, before you shook your head. You thought you heard something, but dismissed it. Your mouse clicked the button as you started to wish once again. The pulls started to rack up - Ten, Twenty, Fifty, and then finally, nintety pulls. Hard pity again.

Despite your rotten luck, you couldn't help the grin on your face as you watched the golden star shoot across the screen. Your heartbeat rang in your ears. This is what you've been waiting for. When the shadows dissipated, you found yourself looking face to face at the handsome face of Yashiro Commissioner himself. The words slipped out of your mouth, unbidden.

"Hi, Ayato. Welcome home. I've been waiting forever to meet you."

Sorry for being late.

You blinked. There it was again. You couldn't help feeling uneasy. You thought you heard something - twice. But nothing seemed to be making noise around you.

You turned to face the screen again, and you were in the character menu, looking at Ayato. You were mesmerized as you watched him elegantly materialize his sword and sheath it. You swore that you saw a mischievous twinkle in his eye and sly smile on his lips. Or did you?

You blinked, and Ayato went into his other idle animation, the one where he was drinking Boba. You raised your eyebrow. You knew that you wanted to check out his idle animations after getting him, but it was odd how the game seemed to predict what you wanted to see. If you didn't know any better, you could've sworn that he was aware of your presence, or worst yet, reading your mind.

Now that you think about it, when did you log out of the wishing screen?

You don't remember clicking the button to exit the screen.

You shrugged. Maybe it was just your laptop acting up again. Even laptop troubles couldn't dampen your mood now. You had Ayato now, and he was the one you wanted from the very beginning.

You outfitted him with all the gear that you saved for him, and started to play. Perhaps it was a trick of the light, but you could've sworn that you saw Ayato's strikes do even more damage. They seemed to take care of every obstacle you faced as a player.

"Thank you, Ayato."

My pleasure.

[rose-of-the-underworld]

What are your favorite shoujo shows? I just started watching anime and would love recommendations.

AAAAAAAAAAAA! First of all, I'm sorry that this took two months to write up, but I am honestly touched that you asked me! Okay, so disclaimer that I wasn't deep into the anime scene until a few years ago (I'm a late bloomer), but shoujo is my bread and butter so to speak, so I'm happy to give some reccs! Note that this isn't ranked in any particular order, it's just as they come to me! Will give a summary and my thoughts on each. Also, most of these anime don't cover the entirety of the story published in their corresponding manga, but they're all a good starting point if you want to dive into reading the rest!

Putting under a read more because I'm more long-winded than I thought I would be

1.) Sailor Moon: The magical action-adventures of a teenage girl who learns of her destiny as the legendary warrior Sailor Moon and must band together with the other Sailor Scouts to defend the Earth and Galaxy.

Had to start with the original!! Now my love for Sailor Moon goes back to before I knew what anime even was. I caught wind of it when I was five years old and it was airing on TV for the first time, but I adored the show and my Princess Serenity doll. Now, please note that I really did not absorb much outside of the aesthetics and the insane dialogue of the 90s English dub before it stopped airing on tv and I forgot about it for a while, always meaning to get back into it, but never quite managing. Then during 2020 lockdown, my good friend and Sailor Moon expert @pollyannaisms started streaming little watch parties of Sailor Moon Crystal and boy did I fall in love all over again. I'm so happy that it came back into my life when I needed it most, tbh. It really is such a hopeful and optimistic series with some of the most lovely female friendships, one of the most beautiful and romantic love stories I've ever seen, and wonderful messages about loving yourself.

If you want a more streamlined plot with less episodes, I recommend starting with Sailor Moon Crystal since it follows the manga very closely and it's relatively short. 39 episodes across three seasons and then four movies - Sailor Moon Eternal parts 1&2 and Sailor Moon Cosmos part 1&2. Cosmos is FINALLY being released internationally on August 24th and I can't wait to finally see it, I've been rotting for it.

Now, the original 90s anime is also fantastic, it is just incredibly long with I believe 200 episodes and a few movies. It was airing as Naoko Takeuchi was publishing the manga so there's a lot of filler and the monster of the week format can get a little monotonous if you're trying to binge. I would say to take your time with it, but I do believe it's worth the watch because you get some wonderful character development episodes that are absent from Crystal. It's not perfect and there are some....odd choices made, but I do love it. Please note, that if you watch it in English through official streaming services, you'll be seeing a re-dub that Viz did with the Crystal cast when they bought the rights. It's a good dub! But man, I wish I could watch the original 90s English dub more easily (pirating such a long series is kind of an ordeal) because it has some of the funniest dialogue I've ever heard. Lots of people hate it, but I love the nostalgia factor and I personally find it hilarious.

2.) Ouran High School Host Club: Haruhi Fujioka is a studious girl who has recently enrolled at the prestigious Ouran Academy. One day, while looking for a quiet and peaceful place to study, she stumbles across a seemingly unused music room. Upon entering, Haruhi is welcomed by the members of the well-known Host Club: a club in which attractive boys amuse girls from across the entire school. However, when Tamaki Suoh—the founder and president of the club—startles the bright scholarship student, she accidentally breaks an expensive vase.

With repayment looking difficult for Haruhi, the Host Club members come up with the perfect solution to the girl's problem: work for the club and ultimately become a Host herself! Mistaken for a boy by her peers, Haruhi has to entertain various female students while coping with her fellow Hosts' extravagant personalities.

Ouran was the first anime that I ever watched on purpose at age 17, and it is very near and dear to my heart. It does come with some caveats, though. While this was the perfect starter anime for me (the friend who recc'd it knows me very well), it's not a good starter anime for everyone. It is incredibly over the top and is also a parody anime of shoujo romances, so some of the jokes might not land if you're a newbie. While I loved it at first viewing, I found it MUCH funnier when I rewatched it ten years later after having seen much more shoujo anime. Also, please note that Ouran aired in 2006, and while it was very progressive for the early 2000s, there is a lot of outdated terminology when it comes to LGBT topics, so tread with care and know that its heart was in the right place and we've come a long way in the last 20 years.

That being said, this series will always be one of my favorites. Aside from being insanely hilarious (and wildly out of pocket), the show has a lot of heart and characters who all genuinely love each other. It touches on feminism and gender and I credit it with making me bisexual.

3.) Fruits Basket: After a family tragedy turns her life upside down, high schooler Tohru Honda takes matters into her own hands and moves out...into a tent. Unfortunately for her, she pitches her new home on private land belonging to the mysterious Sohma clan, and it isn't long before the owners discover her secret. But, as Tohru quickly finds out when the family offers to take her in, the Sohmas have a secret of their own--when hugged by the opposite sex, they turn into the animals of the Chinese Zodiac.

God. Fruits Basket is everything to me. This was the second anime I ever watched on purpose, recc'd by the same friend who showed me Ouran. She lent me her DVDs of the 2001 anime adaptation when I was 18 and it took me a few months to actually watch it but MAN. When I tell you that I was crying during the finale with my 8 week old kitten on my chest, and then when the 2019 reboot aired their version of the season finale, I was crying AGAIN with the same cat who was at that point 14 lbs and still snuggling on my chest. Full circle. It will never not be good. I would absolutely recommend that you watch the 2019 reboot over the 2001 version because it encompasses the whole story and has the budget for a much higher quality production. The animation is beautiful and I really like the music. The storytelling is phenomenal, thank you, Natsuki Takaya for my life.

Tohru Honda is truly one of my favorite characters of all time. There is so much depth to her, so much kindness and sadness and a heart full of love. She changes the lives of everyone she meets by just loving them unconditionally and has a legion of friends who would do anything for her. This is another story that features the struggle to love yourself, but it is also about the struggle to let others love you as well. The main romance is another top tier love story for me, and all of the side romances are compelling as well. I will warn you that the series deals heavily with familial abuse and with grief. For every laugh and heartwarming moment, there is a punch to the gut right around the corner. But god, it's worth it in the end. Fruits Basket is full of bittersweet moments of catharsis and it never fails to make me insane (affectionate). Fantastic characters and an excellent plot, it's one of the most compelling series I've ever seen.

4.) Kimi Ni Todoke: Sawako Kuronuma has had a difficult time fitting in, due to her shy nature and her similarity in name and appearance to Sadako from The Ring. On her first day of high school, Sawako meets the one boy who treats her like a normal girl-Shota Kazehaya. Through his selfless aid, Sawako slowly learns to come out of her shell and even begins to make friends for the first time in her life. However, with a new social life come social pressures. As she grows into her new identity, Sawako must learn to deal with such pressures as well as start to understand the unfamiliar feelings inside of her, especially in regards to the boy who made her new start possible.

This is probably THEEEEE sweetest thing I've ever seen. I watched it for the first time last year and I was legitimately crying happy tears in episode 1. If this is your first time watching, you're in luck! Season 3 just premiered after a 13 year hiatus! I've only watched an episode and a half so far, and I already love it so much. It has the exact same energy as the first two seasons. Sawako and Kazehaya are too adorable for words, and Sawako's two best friends are wonderful. This series does a great job of handling the real struggles of adolescents while also being full of optimism and love of all sorts.

5.) Kamisama Kiss: newly homeless teenager Nanami Momozono is trying to figure out her next move when she helps a stranger in need. Out of gratitude, he offers Nanami his home, a rundown shrine, and also his job as a land god. Now, Nanami must juggle high school along with the duties of a deity with the help of Tomoe, a reformed fox demon who reluctantly becomes her familiar in a contract sealed with a kiss. As the headstrong Tomoe tries to whip her into shape, Nanami finds that love just might have cute, pointed fox ears. With romance in the air, will the human deity be able to prove herself worthy of her new title?

This series made me CRAZY!!!!!!! Nanami and Tomoe are such a good nuisances to lovers story with a really interesting twist that I genuinely did not see coming! Nanami is adorable and Tomoe is the perfect house husband, I love them so much. This series is such a fun little romp through the supernatural world of gods, demons, and spirits, with an incredibly interesting cast of characters. The anime has two seasons and a few OVAs, but in order to see the latter, you're going to have to search the less than legal sites because they were never licensed internationally. Definitely worth it in my opinion to see the end of the story.

6.) Yona of the Dawn: Sheltered and spoiled Princess Yona is the only heir to the throne of Kouka. Yona's perfect world comes crashing down when a heinous act of treason threatens to erase all that she holds dear, including her birthright as the princess of Kouka. Left with no one to trust but her childhood friend and loyal bodyguard Son Hak, she is forced to flee the palace. Faced with the perils of surviving in the wild with a target on her back, Yona realizes that her kingdom is no longer the safe haven it once was.

Free from the shackles of naivety, Yona vows to do everything in her power to become strong enough to crush her enemies. With Hak by her side, she must piece together the remains of an ancient legend that might be the key to reclaiming her kingdom from those who conspired to steal it from her.

THIS SERIES MADE ME CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yona of the Dawn honestly ticks all of my boxes -- sheltered princess who needs to learn how to fight, political intrigue, betrayal, heartbreak, ancient magical legends, and a princess/bodyguard romance. The anime (and OVAs) are only a very small part of the story, but it was excellent regardless. The manga is incredibly long and actually just celebrated its 15th anniversary; it's regarded one of the greatest shoujo manga of all time. I had started reading the manga a few years back, and I REALLY need to get back into it, especially since it seems to be inching closer to the end. But if you love action packed fantasy adventures, this is the story for you!

7.) Inuyasha*: Suddenly finding herself in feudal Japan, schoolgirl Kagome teams up with half-demon Inuyasha to retrieve the scattered shards of a sacred jewel.

*Technically, a shounen, but has the vibes of a shoujo. I need you to know that last year when I had covid, I watched 50 episodes of this series and the first movie. And then I was compelled to make the following image:

Inuyasha is a long one so I suggest pacing yourself, but it is so so worth it! This is another action packed fantasy series with awesome characters, fantastic writing, and a heart stopping romance. The creator, Rumiko Takahashi was already an experienced mangaka when she made Inuyasha, and it shows. She's excellent at naturally weaving the romance into the overarching narrative and there's a maturity to her writing that makes this story about young people feel so intense and complex in the best way.

8.) Maid-Sama!: Misaki is class president of a formerly all-male school. A beacon of hope to the female students as well as teachers, she rules over the boys with an iron fist and a heart of ice. A popular male student stumbles on to her secret double life- working part-time as an upbeat and cheery waitress at a maid cafe! Misaki is forced to make a deal: spend some time with him, or have her hard earned reputation destroyed by revealing her embarrassing secret.

I will warn you, there are elements to this anime that have not aged well since its airing in 2010. A lot of it is very feminist in that early 2000s way! But it also includes that early 2000s brand of "problematic" possessive (and maybe a little too inappropriate) love interest and some outdated romance anime tropes. But all in all, I think it's worth a view. I really love Misaki as a character so much, and her relationship with Usui is fun and frustrating and very, very sweet.

9.) My Love Story!!: With his muscular build and tall stature, Takeo Gouda is no ordinary high school freshman. However, behind Takeo's intimidating appearance lies a pure heart of gold. Unfortunately for Takeo, his appearance does not bode well for his love life. As if his looks were not already enough to scare girls away, Takeo's cool, handsome best friend and constant companion Makoto Sunakawa easily, and unintentionally, steals the hearts of the female students—including every girl Takeo has ever liked.

One day, when Takeo saves cute Rinko Yamato from a creep on the train, he falls in love with her instantly. But with handsome Sunakawa around, does Takeo even stand a chance?

It's rare to see a shoujo series with a male protagonist, but Takeo is honestly perfect for the role and deserves everything good in the world. This is such an adorable anime with the sweetest couple on Earth and the best friend that anyone could ever ask for. Takeo and Rinko are both down so bad for each other and they're both adorable, awkward clowns. They were truly meant to be! Takeo's friendship with Sunakawa is also such a vital and lovely part of the series and shows that your platonic relationships are just as important as your romantic ones.

10.) My Little Monster: Shizuku Mizutani is apathetic toward her classmates, only caring about her grades. However, her cold view of life begins to change when she meets Haru Yoshida, a violent troublemaker who stopped attending class after getting into a fight early in the school year. He is not much different from her, though—he too understands little about human nature and does not have any friends. Much to Shizuku's surprise, he proclaims that she will be his friend and immediately confesses his feelings toward her upon meeting her.

Because of her lack of friends and social interaction, Shizuku has a hard time understanding her relationship with Haru. But slowly, their friendship begins to progress, and she discovers that there is more to Haru than violence. She begins to develop feelings for him, but is unsure what kind of emotions she is experiencing. Together, Shizuku and Haru explore the true nature of their relationship and emotions.

This is a story about a boy and a girl who struggle with love and friendship. Opening yourself up to other people forces you to be honest with yourself.

Here's another "problematique" anime that I fell head over heels in love with in spite of certain things that didn't age well. I'm a simple woman, give me a cold girl and a feral boy who are obsessed with each other and don't know how to function in society and I'm sold. While Shizuku and Haru's bizarre, never-on-the-same-page romance is the overarching narrative, an important part of the series is the two of them learning how to make friends and find community with other socially dysfunctional weirdos. The friends that they make are just as interesting as the two of them and are equally important to the story.

This is another series that I highly recommend reading the manga for, since the one season anime doesn't get far enough into the story for a satisfying ending. Shizuku's revelations about herself and her character development in the manga genuinely made me cry, and Haru gets some good development as well. Their relationship progresses in a very sweet way as they work to understand each other and respect boundaries and communicate.

11.) Monthly Girls' Nozaki-kun:

Chiyo Sakura is a cheerful high school girl who has fallen head over heels for the oblivious Umetarou Nozaki. Much to Chiyo's confusion, when she confesses to her beloved Nozaki, he hands her an unfamiliar autograph. As it turns out, the stoic teenage boy is actually a respected shoujo manga artist, publishing under a pen name. A series of misunderstandings leads to Chiyo becoming one of Nozaki's manga assistants and befriending many of her quirky schoolmates. This slice of life comedy follows Chiyo as she strives to help Nozaki with his manga and hopes that he will eventually notice her feelings.

I adore this series to the moon and back. Both adorable and absolutely HILARIOUS, Monthly Girls' Nozaki-kun, is a wild ride from start to finish. The slow burn to end all slow burns, this ongoing 4-panel, slice of life manga has been ongoing since 2011, yet remains hilarious and so does the one season anime. This is another parody shoujo anime where some jokes might go over your head if you're a beginner, but I think it's easier to digest than Ouran, and would be a fine starter anime. This is another clown4clown romance, but Chiyo and Nozaki aren't the only ones. Their friends are a vibrant cast of characters who tend to fall into classic shoujo manga tropes (though not always in the ways you'd expect) and all have their own incredibly silly and off the wall will-they-won't-they romances.

This is such a fun series that never fails to make me laugh, and often makes me swoon. It's both ridiculous and relatable and you can't help but root for every single character.

And I'll end it there! I have quite a few other series that are near and dear to my heart but these are probably the ones I talk about the most. If you've made it this far, thank you for reading. Anon, I hope that you enjoy your adventures in shoujo anime!

If anyone ever wants to talk about any of these series, my inbox is always open. Seriously, I am always dying to talk about all of these!

[liberalk1tsch]

10 first lines

rules: share the first line(s) of your last ten published works or as many as you are able and see if there are any patterns!

ty @adsosfraser for the tag lol

seeing as many of my published fics have been scrubbed from the internet due to my mother stumbling across my wattpad in 2014 and forcing me to deactivate my account (i can’t blame her — i was 12 and hoping i’d get sold to one direction), i don’t have many that are actually public🫣🤗

so here’s a few published mixed in with unpublished/wips

1. Sparks Fly: (everlark, published, finished)

The frosty air around me has long since stolen the warmth from my hands and the once-steamy flask of tea they grip tight. My body is stiff all over, as if my muscles themselves have frozen in the harsh January weather. If a predator were to attack me now, the odds of me walking away unscathed are miniscule. I should get up, get the blood flowing through my veins. I should do so many things. Say so many things . . . But instead I sit, still and silent as the first rays of dawn begin to break over the horizon and the calls of birds begin to split through the trees.

2. Made of Ashes: (everlark, published, wip)

I slide a hand down to my swollen belly and stare at my shoes, watching as a fine layer of ash settles on the worn leather of my boots. A few yards away is where the bed I shared with my sister, Prim, stood. Over there was the kitchen table. The bricks of the chimney, which collapsed in a charred heap, provide a point of reference for the rest of the house. How else could I orient myself in this sea of gray?

3. Cruel Summer: (everlark, published, wip)

I try to scream, but no sound escapes my throat as my head is shoved under the surface of the slimy, foul-smelling water of the Capitol’s underground tunnels. I thrash against the two sets of hands holding me down, but it’s no use as the eerie, smiling faces of Coin and Snow swim into my vision.

4. The Loneliest: (everlark, temporarily re-unpublished, needs reworking and planning)

I grip my father’s hand tightly, dreading the moment I know he’s going to let go and push me towards the line of all the other 5-year-olds already forming outside the classroom door. It’s my first day of school, and I know I should be excited, but all I feel is an anxious pit in my stomach.

5. Exuent: (mrs. everdeen x mr. everdeen origin, unpublished)

I slump my head in my hands, the scorching summer heat starting to get the better of me as I shift uncomfortably in the apothecary stall. I hate summer. Really, truly hate summer.

6. untitled gtb (unpublished, NOT sparks fly related, peeta’s pov)

I find her laying on the sofa for the fourth morning in a row. Not eating. Not sleeping. Just . . . staring. At what, I have no idea. But her gaze is fixed on something outside the window.

7. untitled victory tour wip (playing with calling it temporary fix) (yes i have a fixation on them getting caught sneaking away and the whole «nights on the train» thing, idc) (unpublished, peeta’s pov)

“You wanna get away for a bit?” I whisper softly into her ear as the song we’ve been dancing to fades into another. She has that artificial, inauthentic smile that doesn’t quite meet her eyes. The same one she always uses whenever we have an audience. The same one that’s fallen ever so slightly with each question she’s had to respond to, every congratulating compliment she’s unwittingly received.

8. untitled random wip i started and never finished for my friends: (everlark, smut)

I wake with a start, but it's not the usual nightmares plaguing me tonight. The symptoms of a nightmare are all there — my thundering heart, my body breaking out in a sweat, shaking uncontrollably, my throat hoarse from crying out. But then there's the heat in my stomach I connect only with those kisses with Peeta in the cave.

9 and 10 are 5sos and 1d fics that somehow survived the wattpad purge by hiding in my google docs but will be remaining nameless and sentence-less bc i should not have been writing those things as a 12 y/o💀

anyways, they’re unnecessary — the common denominator is that i’m a Certified Yapper who might enjoy narrating a little too much

tagging: literally anyone who feels like it😅 i’m tired and can’t think of anyone rn

[andieperrie18]

champagne problems

A/n: I'm a horrible writer, I know. I just deleted the original one again cause its far from the plot that I had intended. I'm really sorry. I just love hurting myself with my own writing. I don't dislike Ada, I just needed plot and basically vent the pain I put myself though while reading some angsty Leon fics. But here it is chapter one, the official chapter one of i don't know how many. Pray for me guys. Please bear with my english and grammar, I'm no English proficiency professor. For now feel my pain.

Warnings: Angst, Confrontation, Hurt no Comfort, just pain I guess, I don't know if its really angsty

Pairing: Leon Kennedy x Reader (post re 6)

Series: that vacation you're looking for

Y/n could only watch her fiance run through chaos and debris just to get to the woman red. The woman she's been competing with ever since she first found out her with Leon, even though she shouldn't. But when you're significant, others aren't really doing a great job of reassuring their fiance for their constant interaction with the woman in red. It didn't help that Y/n and Leon were partners therefore encounters with Ada were prone to happen at a few missions. 

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Y/n's fingertips glide deeply over her forehead, her lips releasing a rather long sigh as if she's carrying a rather heavy weight over her back. It didn't help that the skies decided to darken outside the coffee shop as she nervously waited for him. Her hands join together until her fingers begin fiddling, the cold metal band on her ring finger pulling her back to awareness as to why she is sitting in an almost empty coffee shop. The ring felt cold on her skin despite it being in that same finger for a long while now. Seeing it reminded her of that scene back in Lanshiang a few weeks ago.

Y/n did her best to not let the radiating chemistry and playful banter between the two get to her. Because as far as she know, Leon's marrying her, he had promised his future with her and hers alone that he has tied the knot for almost few years of working together since their first mission to save the president's daughter from the cult of Los Illuminados in Spain.

And yet, there she was, a crowd in the commotion that precedes. Leon leaping into action as he cradles Ada close to him as the mutated Simmons sends a barrage of debris towards them. She guessed Leon was so caught up with the chaos that he didn't notice his comm pick up his exchange with Ada.

"Ada? Can you hear me?"

"Don't let it end like this…"

"If you're Ada, you can pull through this… we both can…"

Y/n could have retaliated then and there. But she just heaved one big puff of air and released it slowly. Her eyes fall and soften as she listens to Leon. His tone was soft, sweet and loose.

It wasn't like he didn't speak to her that way when they are together and intimate. But the way he was bare and unguarded with her hammered larger cracks in Y/n hear. The patches that she had placed on those openings, the distrusts, all tore open like a poorly stitched wound. This scene is tearing every little band aid, tape, and thread that held the large pieces of her heart together.

As if it was a shattered piece of mirror, bare hands keeping each piece together. Like every bit of her remaining hope for him was clutching each piece together like a broken embrace.  

"Hey babe…"

Y/n barely heard his voice, it was only when he placed a nuzzled kiss on the side of her head that broke her from her heartbreaking trip down memory lane.

"Sorry, I got caught up with Hunnigan, did the wedding planner need something?" He asked as he took his seat on the chair across her, but like before she only stared at him.

"Hey…" Leon called, his tone soften in worry as his veiny and calloused hands took her smaller yet rough ones in his, his fingers gliding over the ring on her finger. She still didn't answer him, it raised an alarm in him, maybe it was the mission a few weeks ago. It might have taken a bit of a toll on her.

"Y/n, I'm here. Do you need something? Let take you home, let's talk–"

"I'm tired," she finally replied.

He sighed and smiled small, "I guess muscles are still sore. Come on, let me take you–" he shifts of his chair.

"I'm tired of you Lee…"

A cold chill ran through his hand that's holding hers as he looked dead set on her. Confused and hurt. 

But her eyes were blank. Devoid of the usual spark it usually has when she's with him. When did it lose it?

"What do you mean–"

Her hands slipped away from his as he slumped back in his chair in distaste at the sudden confession. Was she seeing someone other than him? Did she find someone else? 

"I'm tired of fighting for you," she continues, gaze dead set on his troubled one.

But Leon wasn't dumbfounded for too long as he finally put the pieces together. This reaction might have something to do with the mission in Lanshiang and the encounter with Ada. He gave out an annoyed sigh leaned forward on the table across from her.

"Look, Y/n, you know how Ada means to me but you don't need to overthink about her. I'm marrying y–"

"I saw you. I heard you." She went on, yet her voice cracks in every syllable that Leon picked up immediately. His fiance was breaking apart in front of him. It was only at that moment that he finally took in her state.

Dark bags under eyes, lips slightly chapped, skin pale, her that was tied in a loose ponytail nearly looked neat. She was as gray as the darkening sky outside the cafe.

"Y/n, I–"

Leon paused as Y/n finally moved in her seat, leaning forward against the table. Her gaze went to the metal band on her hand, staring at it. The male across from her wished that what he was thinking she was gonna was not what was actually going to happen. But her other hand's finger pinched the ring and began to twist and turn it off her.

Leon's hand went to stop her but she had already had it off and took his hand. Y/n opened his palm, and placed the ring inside. The cold metal almost felt prickly on his rough and calloused hands.

"I think this ring isn't for me at all," she whispered, yet loud enough for him. Leon was too stunned to speak as he could only stare at her. Like his world just crumbled down as he felt the metal on his palm. But he was pulled back from the trance when he felt Y/n familiar warm palm on his cheek, thumb rubbing his rough stubble.

"I didn't mean to go this way but… Leon I'm falling apart… everything is just too much and I don't feel like myself anymore," like a dam, tears spilled her eyes, Y/n tried not to break into an all out sob.

"I'm sorry Leon, I'm sorry," she continued before leaving her seat

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Y/n ended up in a random train ride to who knows where it will go to. She just needed to be in a place where she could cry and guilt trip herself. She will be reminded of Leon's back on her as he faced her empty seat across from him, hands fiddling with the silver band that was once on her fingers. That scene will forever be etched to her mind as she buries her face in her hands.

Leon was still at the cafe. Still fiddling over the silver band as his mind went over how much Y/n apologized over and over to him as she shakingly handed the ring back to his hand after telling him that they can't be together. But what hurt was that he knew that she was not the only one at fault. He knows it. He ran away again. Instead of assuring her that it was not all her. It was his action that led to his fiance's distrust and anxiety. But he didn't say anything as she broke down before him, he was clouded by the anger of her decision.

Y/n curled in her seat breaking into quiet sobs. She cried and cried and yet somehow the weight that rested on her shoulder a few hours ago slowly fluttered away.

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She'll patch up the tapestry that I shread

[i-talk-too-much]

A Misunderstanding (Part 2)

Dick Grayson x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 2,272

Warnings: none, smut in later chapters

A/N: it's been *checks watch* way longer than I thought it would be. oops. also, I made a little oopsie in part 1, I originally wrote her final was in two days, but it was actually supposed to be in a week… so I have that changed now ahaha. Anyways

(Part 1)

Summary: You and Dick were childhood friends before you both drifted apart - him living with Bruce and you moving away. You are reunited after you move to Gotham and Nightwing saves you from a criminal.

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Dick laid awake in his bed that night, the covers splayed around his legs. The thoughts swarming his mind about the earlier meeting kept him awake. Your face, your mannerisms, everything – nothing changed after sixteen years. 

No, that’s not true. You had changed. You were no longer the kid he knew back when he was in the circus. You grew up, just as he had. And the time in your apartment proved it.

He didn’t know what pushed him to visit you. To check on you, he said, but that was something he thought of in the moment, a simple excuse to talk to you more. 

He brought his hands to his face, palms against his eyes as he sighed into the still air.

He felt like an idiot. How could he have let the time go? Why did he not respond to your letter all those years ago? 

Actually, Dick knew why. He knew exactly why he dropped the letter into his drawer and forced himself to ignore it. But, it seemed so stupid in retrospect.

He shifted to lay on his side, hoping the change in position would allow him some much needed sleep. Instead, his eyes caught sight of his desk.

A thought formed in his mind and he sat up. 

He could write you a letter – a letter explaining what happened. Maybe he could ask to meet-up, if you were willing.

And with hope filling his chest, he left his messy bed and set to work.

——

You were stressed. Stressed out of your goddamn mind for the exam that was tomorrow. 

Honestly, you probably didn’t have to be as worried as you were – you had been putting your all into your classes. But, it never hurt to study more, to go to the library for a last-minute review.

Reaching the first floor of your apartment building, you passed by the long hallway of mailboxes.

You paused by the entrance, deciding on a whim to look in your own. It was long since due for a check-in, a pile of letters no doubt straining against the small compartment. Everything was digital nowadays, including your bills. Opening the small storage in the wall, you wondered what kind of mail you’d receive.

There was less than you imagined. Approximately six sat inside and you pulled them out, sorting through each, none grabbing your attention. That was, until the last letter came into view.

It was sleek – the envelope colored black with the flap on the back taped down by a dark blue sticker. It was charming. You read the white-inked ‘from’ address, the name almost making you drop everything you were holding. 

Dick Grayson.

“What the hell,” you slowly whispered into the empty hallway, your brows furrowing. You re-read it two more times, disbelieving the written name. 

How the hell did he get your address? And why was he sending you a letter now? It’s been sixteen years! He should’ve forgotten all about you at this point.

You thought he had, after not receiving a reply. A nostalgic ache settled in your chest, the familiarity of it making you shake your head, stuffing the black letter and the others into your bag. You didn’t have time for this, you needed to get to the library. 

The walk to the building was filled with thoughts about nothing but the letter. What could he have written? What would have made him send you a message, sixteen years after you sent yours? Did he only now receive the letter you sent? 

You scoffed at the last idea. 

You had more faith in the postal service than the fucking police, there’s no way it was only now delivered. Then, what could the reason be? It felt as if the envelope was burning a hole in your bag, you being acutely aware of it sitting inside, holding the answers to all your questions.

By the time you arrived at your destination, you had mentally gone through every possibility. Countless scenarios ran through your mind and none of them seemed to fit. 

This was bad – you needed to focus on studying. 

Finding a secluded area in the library – a table in the back – you plopped into a chair and pulled out your laptop, some papers and set to work. Every so often, your eyes traveled to your bag, the letter taunting you. It was after thirty minutes passed and all you managed to do was stare at a page thoughtlessly, that you finally decided to open it.

You gently took out the envelope and slowly peeled the blue sticker from the back. Lifting the flap, the page inside felt expensive. Sliding the paper out and unfolding it, your eyes scanned the words, absorbing the content inside.

To Y/N:

Hope you’re doing well. It’s been a long while since we've last seen each other, huh?

 …Mainly my fault, I admit. 

I did get your letter all those years ago, but I placed it in a cabinet and forgot. Life became busy, time sped by, and I never had the chance to look at what you sent me.

Until I began looking through old bins in storage and found yours inside.

I promise I never forgot about you. Not one day. I just never had…time.

I know it's been almost 16 years, and it might be a bit late for me to mend ties – but would you want to grab coffee sometime?

Here's my number if you–

You stopped reading, feeling an inexplicable wave of indignation course through your veins.

Were you that easy to brush aside? To forget? Surely, in sixteen years, there would have been at least a moment where he could've reached out to you.

And yet, here he was, sixteen years later with a half-assed explanation and a nonchalance that irritated you.

He was funny if he thought you would cave so easily. To rush to send him a message, to call and hear his voice.

You ignored the slight clench of your heart. 

If he made you wait sixteen years, he'd have to accept waiting a little bit more. 

——

You didn’t know how you got through that exam, but you did. 

The moment your feet stepped onto the sidewalk outside your college building, you felt an imaginary weight lift off your shoulders. Taking a deep breath, the air inside your lungs almost felt cleaner. Almost.

With the results of that exam out of your hands now, all that was left was to enjoy the break and wait for the final grade. You had half the mind to go out to the club to celebrate, but the recent mugging still made your blood run cold.

Bing-watching a show with take-out it was, then. 

And two hours later, that was still the plan – until a certain hero dropped by your fire escape window and invited himself inside to lounge on your couch.

"Is this gonna be like – a thing?" You motioned ambiguously toward the situation with your hands. "You stopping by my apartment on your patrols?"

He shrugged and grinned, a cheeky smile reaching his eyes. "It can if you want it to be." 

You resisted the urge to roll your eyes, instead opting to offer the man some of your food. “Want some? It just came, like, fifteen minutes ago.”

He smiled at the hand-out, taking the deliciously-filled plate with both hands and chowing down as he settled back into the cushioned seat. “Plus, I’m on break. The others can call if they need me,” he said, stuffing his mouth with a forkful of food. “So, what are we watching?” 

“Well,” you began. ”I’m watching a space documentary. You’re trespassing.”

Nightwing gasped dramatically, splaying a hand across his chest. “Me? Trespassing? I would never.”

You chortled, deciding right then that he’d always be permitted in your apartment – but you wouldn’t tell him that. Pressing play on the remote, you leaned back and copied his position against the couch.

While you were absorbed in the beautifully rendered scenes of the cosmos, you didn’t notice Nightwing glancing around your living room, taking in every little detail. His eyes landed on a certain black envelope sitting on a desk by the window.

“Damn, that’s insane!” You exclaimed, amazed by the facts shown on the screen. You leaned forward and placed your fork down with your finished plate on the coffee table. “Hey, do you think the stars–” you cut off, seeing his head turned toward the window. “Nightwing?”

He seemed to be lost in thought for a moment until he replied, “yeah? Sorry, what were you saying?”

You paused, observing his expression before responding softly. “Everything all right?”

“No, yeah, definitely. Just got distracted by something shiny, s’all.” He got up, taking his empty plate along with yours to the kitchen sink. “You know, that black envelope looks fancy. Looks like one of those wealthy Gala invitations.” 

“Huh?” Your eyes fitted over to your desk. “Ah, that? Nah, it’s just a letter from someone I knew.”

“Knew?” You heard the sound of running water and dishes clattering. What a gentleman. “Not a lover, then?”

“Pfft, no,” you laughed, taking a sip from your cup. “He’s a childhood friend I lost contact with. Somehow he found my address and sent a letter.” After a moment, you added, “and now that I think about it, it’s a little creepy.”

Forced laughter seemed to bubble from Nightwing’s lips, the sound reverberating through the small apartment.

“Can I ask who the sender is?” His voice held a light note to it. You raised a brow. 

“Why? Jealous?” You teased, almost wishing he was.

A bark of a laugh escaped his being as he replied. “Jealous? Yeah, sure, let’s call it that.” 

Deciding to satiate his curiosity, you answered truthfully. “If you really want to know, it’s from Dick Grayson.”

“Grayson, huh? Bruce Wanyne’s trust fund kid?” At your wordless confirmation, his lips upturned in a joking manner. 

“Tell you what, if he’s creepy,” Nightwing paused, placing his hands on his hips. “I’ll protect you from him.”

“Oh, yeah?” Your lips matched his own, humor thick in your voice. “And how are you going to do that?”

He crossed his arms. “With my fighting skills,” he answered defensively, then mumbled, “obviously.”

You chuckled at the pout on his lips. “Obviously.”

“In all seriousness though,” he moved around across the room and lifted the letter before continuing, “wouldn’t hurt to reach out to him, if you’re comfortable. Did you two part on bad terms?”

“I mean,” you paused, resting your cheek on your palm and mulled over the answer. “I don’t think so?”

Nightwing shrugged. “Then it’d probably be fine, right?”

You opened your mouth to respond, but something about his attention to the letter felt off. With the way he was acting, it seemed personal. You narrowed your eyes.

“You know,” you tilted your head. “With how determined you are, it’s almost like…” 

Nightwing’s head swirled toward you, waiting for you to finish your sentence.

“You’re friends with him, aren’t you?” 

His shoulders visibly sagged at your statement, the corner of his lip lifting. “Was it that obvious?” 

“Wait, so is that how he got my address? From you?” You stood up, slowly walking towards the man standing by the desk as you became lost in thought. “Was that why you were shocked when you saw my ID? Did Dick talk to you about me?” Hope filled your voice, the emotion speeding up your words.

Nightwing raised his hands, stopping you from crashing into his chest. “Slow your roll, Y/N. One question at a time.”

“Did you tell him my address,” you asked, crossing your arms and straightening your back. 

“I did,” he answered. No part of him appeared guilty, however. 

Your mouth tightened with displeasure. “Without my permission? Why?”

He brought his hand to the side of his head, scratching the space behind his ear. 

“I knew how much he wanted to see you again, so I thought it'd be fine.” After a moment of your unwavering stare, he quickly added, “and now that I see your reaction, I’m never going to do that again before asking you.”

You breathed out a laugh. “You say that like there’ll be others asking for my address.” 

Nightwing’s body relaxed at your softened expression. ”Knowing you for as long as I have, I’m sure there will be.”

You take a moment during the lull in conversation to walk toward the couch and sit on the armrest.

“What’s he like?” You brought your uncertain gaze to his. ”Do you think I should reply to him?” 

He leaned back against the desk and lifted his shoulders nonchalantly. “From my standpoint, I’d say go for it. If you decide he’s not worth it, just block him. No harm, no foul.”

He moved toward the window, opening it just enough to slip onto the fire escape before turning back and facing you.

“And if he was truly a dickhead, I’d tell you. In the end, though, it’s up to you. Your choice.”

——

That night, you kept turning the letter in your hands, rereading the last lines. 

Here’s my number if you want to give it a chance. Text or call, anytime. 

(xxx) xxx-xxxx

Your friend always,

Dick Grayson

Nightwing was right.

There’s no harm in catching up with an old friend. And if things go south, you could just block him and move on. You've moved on once before, you could do it again.

Contemplating it one last time, you steeled your resolve and saved his number into your phone before typing out a message.

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Tagging: @bluebirdhangingonawheepingtree @hungryhungarian @escapism-r-us @xasement @zbeez-outlet @scrambled-eggs-y