#first post is an essay of course
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Aspec Manga Rec: Frieren: Beyond Journey's End
This post will contain mild spoilers for the plot and character dynamics of the Manga. Sorry about the long post, but its a lot.
Contains a romantic subplot not involving the main character. Some evidence for an Aspec Protagonist. Reference to Sexual themes but no explicit imagery or sexualization of characters.
Remember, panels are right to left.
Written by Kanehito Yamada and illustrated by Tsukasa Abe, Frieren: Beyond Journey's End follows the journey of Frieren, the elf mage of the hero's party after their victory over the demon king. She travels to speak to the now dead hero Himmel in Aureole, where all souls rest. Currently being released as an anime by Studio Madhouse, now seemed like an apt time to talk about it.
The manga explores themes of loss, grief, found family, coming to terms with your emotions and the importance of non-romantic relationships. Especially with our protagonist, Frieren, bound to live a life of near immortality from a human perspective.
Immortality and Relationships:
As we follow Frieren on her journey north we are told directly that she herself doesn't understand the nature of relationships. Her perception of the world is stuck in how she will long outlast the people that she cares for. Below this appearance is someone who truly care for others.
She learns to cherish the time she spends with others and we can see that with how she treats Fern, her apprentice. The adopted daughter of one of her former companions, who she begins her journey solely with.
We are shown in a flashback to the end of her previous journey that she would never consider an apprentice because their life would never amount to much of her own existence:
Frieren often conflicts with the ideas of relationships and it is the main conflict of her returning journey north. Fern very quickly becomes incredibly important to her, taking care of her needs and very swiftly looking after her apprentice's condition instead of continuing her own journey northward. Frieren defies her own beliefs and worldview because she has learned that the people that she does care about will eventually disappear; as it is the nature of her lifespan for them to be nothing but fleeting moments. She chooses to spend time with her companions because she wants to carry their story and memory for the rest of her life, something that she never felt with the hero's party.
How is this Aspec Representation?
Clearly more depictions of unfeeling characters as aspec isn't progressive in making aspec people seem more "human" but I think how Frieren subverts this trope demonstrates a great aspec character.
At this point, this representation is, and will probably continue to be a headcannon more than it will be actually confirmed, but it has some pretty good foundation.
Early on, Frieren directly tells us this about elves:
This is a pretty overt statement of her romantic and sexual orientation as early as Chapter 13 of the manga as the journey was just beginning. There are some questionable parts of this claim that "all elves" lack romantic and sexual attraction, but the author directly displays elves later on that hold or are implied to have romantic feelings for other characters. It reminds me of how some aspec people believe that everyone is like them, having an understanding without knowing fully that they have different experiences.
*Note, they kept the panel above in the anime.
So where does this leave Frieren as she is perceived by others?
No one questions this about her. It never comes into question if she had found the right person or if she was interested in the relationships herself, it is just accepted. In a later chapter exploring the romantic subplot between her two companions, she is asked for dating advice to which she responds:
The interaction is treated very naturally which mirrors realistic assumptions of these feelings and experience with them that might come with age.
The only claim to her holding romantic feelings towards another person was towards the hero Himmel. Which is suspect to say the least. Most of these assumptions are based on their close emotional bond, how much Frieren grieves his death and how Himmel treated her.
Throughout flashbacks, we can see that Himmel almost constantly was flirting with and then subsequently denied by Frieren along their journey. It isn't played as hurtful or annoying, just as a form of endearment that wasn't reciprocated; something that neither character seems to grieve in any fashion. They had a close emotional bond, but the manga doesn't display it as anything but platonic and I believe that to be true.
TLDR:
Frieren exhibits multiple aspec traits in how she perceives others and her relationships to the people in her life. While her traits may be seen as "inhuman" on the surface, she deeply cares for others without needing to be in a romantic or sexual relationship. The manga puts very little focus on romance and merely on the nature of relationships of all kinds and meanings.
This is my first large-scale post like this, so I would appreciate any feedback people are willing to give me. It is a very long post so I hope I didn't ramble too much
#aspec coded protagonist#manga rec#anime rec#slight spoilers#asexuality#aromantism#this is just me feeding my addiction to academic papers in a “healthy” way#oh my that is longer than I thought it would be#first post is an essay of course#frieren: beyond journey's end
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I hate their asses sdkjhgf
#firstkhao#firstkhaotung#first kanaphan#khaotung thanawat#gmmtv#jkshdfjd theyre such losers 😭😭😭#also i miss my boys pls 😩#soaking up everything from their event with EM#also the way first tagged his post with //thaiforbllovers is taking me out djkhgfd please#i would go to one of his courses#homework include writing essays on why khaotung is cute and how to say *khaotung is cute* in thai#i would ace this class#also the na at the end#theyre baby
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many of the things wrong with me can probably be traced back to the number of times i watched my fair lady as a child
#bee posts nonsense#it's the one musical i will never be able to think rationally about#you can write as many essays as you want about how objectively problematic the storyline is#but there's no hope for me. that show is literally grafted to my soul and i am simply a tree growing around it#like there are musicals that i loved more or loved first or that impacted the course of my life in a larger way#but something about my fair lady is special to me in a way that's difficult to put into words#also it's responsible for 90% of my poor taste in men. so you gotta give it credit for that#my fair lady#theatre
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season 2 of "My Adventures with Superman" is so heckin good.
i spent an embarrassing amount of time and energy starting to write a sleep-deprived mini-essay that was basically just me gushing about this show's version of Brainiac, before all my energy left and i had to go sleep. Long story short, i really enjoy this show ouo
#it's fun and cute and shmoopy#superhero stuff#and brainiac was wonderfully upsetting YAY!#and i adore kara ogadsjgklds;afj#and y'know everyone#gosh#my adventures with superman#that mini-essay is still in my drafts#i might post it one day#y'know finish it first of course#when he first came on i was like '... that is a vERY interesting voice for him... kait who voices him?'#FUCKIN MICHAEL EMERSON DOES#AAAAAAAA#what absolute perfection#i love that man's acting
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i feel like im going insane has anyone else noticed the sheer amount of times faded is associated with the puppet in the logbook. or asked how faded knows cc well enough to ask such specific questions if theyre supposedly a stranger who shares an animatronic with cc. does anyone question why the vengeful spirit is a random kid.
#fnaf theory#my posts#i made like an essay long comment abt it in response to Yet Another Double Spirit Video#i Will elaborate my findings if anyone asks (please ask)#dual process theory save me...save me dual process theory...the only ones treating fnaf like a Narrative first........#can you tell i have a personal disdain for theorists who treat fnaf like a giant puzzle and not a Story.#and ones who take stuff out of context. like what faded says. esp on pages associated with the puppet.#like. how was faded = charlie and cassidy = cc not the mainline theory.#ik we have dave as Another Name and its the same origin as evan. but personally i think dave is william again#like. wasnt dave miller Already one of his aliases in at least one canon. of course thats william. of course michael writes his dads name
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[shaking, with tears pouring down my face] sonic the hedgehog is a game about friendship
#I HAVE NOT PLAYED FRONTIERS DO NOT PUT SPOILERS ON THIS POST#every character and how friendship affects them different#i am so nuts i am so insane#everyone talks about sonic but i could write you an essay about TAILS and his relationship with being around other people#he’s had sonic for as long as he can rememeber of COURSE he’d be less confident by himself when the only by himself he’s ever had was being#alone as a BABY. like oh ohhh my god oh my god#and he’s working on it but he’s always had people around him. and that is the reason he was able to build his own identity in the first plac#and#ugh#sonic the hedgehog#miles tails prower
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#I can see how I set myself up for this#of course anon no problem and hope you have a lovely day too but just... uh. might take a hot minute. 432 race starts#just for comparison. marc has 250-ish. and that one was already a struggle I needed to be disciplined about some races#I mean for vale everything until 2002 the choice is kinda made for me depending on what's available. so that leaves. um. two decades#tbh I'll probably ignore almost everything post 2017. career's too long and too good to pad with races from there#so a mere sixteen years. cut out the ducati years for the most part and it's a very manageable fourteen. easy#I'm gonna finish off one of The Essays in my drafts b/c I NEED to start cleaning up in there but after that I'll tackle this lol#said essay has a potential readership of like. two people. BUT it's in response to an ask so at least ONE person wants to know#//#just decided to very quickly list some valentino races that I'd include for this off the top of my head. no notes or anything#and it's. um. 46 races. which first of all yes yes very funny but secondly why can my brain even list this many... god#race rec tag#brr brr
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alrighty Haikyuu essay time again because I watched s2 ep5 and I have a lot of feelings.
The part I want to talk about specifically is the argument between Hinata and Kageyama because I feel like it's a fantastic display of their characters and values, and I also feel like it is heavily glossed over and reduced to "omg it's gay because they were making physical contact" which I would like to fix.
I'd like to take a quick moment to highlight the tension that gets established from before they even enter the gym.
This frame right here is fantastic, because it shows an empty seat beside BOTH OF THEM, and the fact that they're both sitting closest to the window makes that gap feel further. And it both sets the mood and FITS the mood, especially with Hinata having just been told by literally EVERYBODY (Ukai, Suga, AND Kageyama) that doing a fast attack with his eyes open is useless and it's not even worth trying.
The fast attack Hinata pulls of with Kageyama symbolizes freedom for him. It's an attack that avoids blocks (blocks being symbolized as tall, tall walls preventing him from seeing the other side), an attack that lets him fly, and an attack that lets allows him to use his abilities to their maximum potential (speed, height, and agility).
However, this current form of the fast attack in regards to Season 1 and 2 is still run completely under Kageyama's actions. Hinata may be running fast and jumping high, but that's the only freedom he has. The rest of it is done by Kageyama. So when blockers do start to catch up to the fast attack, it's frustrating, because the whole point the attack was to avoid blockers but now they aren't so Hinata, even at his maximum effort, is no longer free again.
To be free, he knows he needs to open his eyes- and to have the self-awareness to realize that on his own is impressive, but it also puts him in a tough spot because he is once again fighting on his own.
Now imagine you're Hinata, you want to fix this attack that you know isn't going to work anymore, and everyone is saying "it's not possible. It'll never happen." That'd probably give you some flashbacks to middle school when you wanted to start a proper volleyball team and go places with it only to be told "never gonna happen, kid," and it'd also be frustrating as hell.
Hinata is not at all the type to just give up. That man has never given up on something in his life (both pre- and post-time skip). The difference with this fight, however, is that he needs at least one other person to be on board for it to even work, and nobody is giving him that.
Hinata's quick attack symbolizes freedom for him. It seemed limitless at first but here he's hit one of those barriers and nobody seems to want to help him break through it. The thing that was once freedom for him now has him trapped.
Because Hinata (especially at this point in the series) is shit at everything besides his attacks. He can't block, he can't receive, and he can barely serve. He knows that if he loses this attack, he'll be useless (which he expresses later. Again, the self-awareness of this man is astounding).
This is what makes the motivation to fix the quick attack to strong. There's a lot at stake.
Which perfectly shows Hinata's 'unstoppable force' vs Kageyama's 'immovable object' mentality.
(okay small Kagehina ramble here because I am weak and flawed
the fact that kageyama noticed the subtle change instantly is nuts. like the fact that his tosses have grown to be muscle memory and have adapted to toss the ball right where hinata's point of impact is every time, coupled with the fact that he immediately notices that his jump isn't reaching that point, AND that fact that he knows what exactly is distracting him OUGH they just understand each other so well i'm so normal about it)
NOW LET'S GET INTO THE GOOD STUFF
(going to use manga panels for the sake of being able to understand things like dialogue and such)
A lot of people tend to misinterpret Tobio's character as one that's mean or cold-hearted, but he's not. This a bit of dialogue where that conclusion could be drawn. He looks angry, sure, but what he's saying is entirely true. Hinata is weak, and there are a lot of other things he could be working on. Kageyama is not wrong.
We also have a little bit of the ol' 'immovable object' with Kageyama outright not wanting to try the new attack. He's justified for saying this, though, because the whole point of being in that gym is to practice and get better. What they're doing- trying and failing with no progress- is not practice. It's a waste of time, and Kageyama being Kageyama, wasting time in the gym is NOT something he does. Like. Ever.
And what Hinata says here is entirely true as well. He knows and understands that without the quick attack, he's nothing. There's no point for him to be out there, which is precisely why he's fighting so hard for it. He wants to be out on that court more than anything.
Kageyama's response saying that his tosses evade blockers is like saying "You're no good without me. There's no reason for you to be out there without me," which Hinata obviously takes offense to because WTF? The quick attack is meant to represent freedom for Hinata and the fact that that freedom can only exist when another person says so is a paradox. It's not true freedom if that's the case.
(Now, side note, one part that was added in the anime that does not appear in the manga is that Hinata points out that the attacks got blocked when they were against Nekoma and Seijoh. Kageyama asks if his tosses weren't good enough and Hinata says "No, they were perfect. Spot-on. But they still got blocked." It's weird how that's an anime exclusive because it's another fantastic show of character- how Hinata does genuinely appreciate Kageyama's tosses and also the recurring motif of Kageyama expressing and insecurity and Hinata immediately comforting him about it.)
Hinata's "I won't be able to get any better because of this" is also ultimate truth. It's him expressing how he's trapped if they continue like this- if he's not able to fight on his own.
And Kageyama is once again back with a line that makes him sound awful BUT it's not really his fault (number one Tobio apologist right here hi ^_^) because in Kageyama's mind, Hinata wanting to get better is selfishness. WHICH MAKES SENSE because when Kageyama continued to train long after practice all throughout middle school TO GET BETTER, he was called selfish. His tosses were good, they would evade blocks, he was good, he trained to get better, and he got called selfish. He destroyed his team's balance because he was better (amongst other things like, you know, his grandpa passing away. That would cause quite a disruption as well).
"I'll only toss to those who are essential to victory" is yet another horrible-sounding line, but coupled with "The same holds true, even now" makes it essential to the prolonging of the 'immovable object' aspect of Tobio's character. Because Kageyama isn't unjustified or evil for saying that he'll only toss to those who will score points. Like, of course he's only going to toss to those who score points. Who else would he toss to?
Where Hinata prioritizes development (because that's where he's at), Kageyama prioritizes victory (because he's passed that stage of development. He's good, and he knows he is, and he no longer needs to focus on getting better because he is better. Development will continue to come, but he doesn't need it in the same abundance that Hinata does).
(Or he at least doesn't need physical skill development. Tobio could definitely use some emotional development- which he does get later on in season 4- and oh, don't you just love how they compliment each other like this? Hinata needing physical development since he strives in emotional understanding and Kageyama needing the exact opposite? Yin and Yang? Sun to Moon?)
Hinata HAS to be an unstoppable force. One of the main focuses in Haikyuu, especially between Hinata and Kageyama, is their rivalry and how they use each other to motivate themselves. Hinata is far behind when it comes to his skills, and if he wants to reach Kageyama's level so he can continue playing volleyball, he NEEDS to get better- keep moving- be the force he is and keep barrelling through.
And Kageyama, always complimenting Hinata is every regard (setter to a spiker, winter solstice to summer solstice), HAS to be his immovable object. I'm sure he doesn't mean to be, because Kageyama will always be seeking to improve himself and others around him (ex. raising Tsukishima's point of impact with his tosses), but it's so in-character of him to not want to move for the sake of complimenting Hinata's need to.
Haikyuu has got to have some of the BEST characters out there. They all work so well together, and I have yet to find a series where the two main characters compliment one another THIS WELL. Being the two main characters, of course they have to drive the plot of the show forward, but to do it in such a beautiful way is something you don't see very often.
#if you got this far im so sorry i just.. i have a lot of feelings#but i could seriously talk about hinata and kageyama for DAYS#their relationship is so beautiful to me and the fact that they're so frequently reduced to “omg cute gay ship” pisses me off to no end#ESPECIALLY this scene#and i was there too at one point.#i watched haikyuu for the first time when i was 11 OF COURSE I HAD SHIT TAKES#it's just when i see 13/14/15 y/o's with the same takes it's... yikes#i'm just hoping to heal the kagehina world one unnecessary long essay tumblr post at a time.#volleyball guys
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What Is This, Anyway?
A youtube channel! Well, specifically, it's the blog of a youtube channel that I'm creating for the specific purpose of putting some good, engaging, actually-fucking-cited history video essays out there.
See, it occurred to me a while ago that maybe, just maybe, all the American zoomers and millennials going around saying things like "I feel like my history education was severely lacking, because in 2020, all the sudden all these protests were referencing historical events that I'd never even heard of, and I really want to know more about history," might actually want to know more about history. And that maybe, just maybe, the reason people weren't engaging with history had less to do with the idea we've somehow been sold that it's Inherently Boring and more to do with lack of access.
The problem is, when I looked around the internet at accessible "history" on platforms like podcasts, TikTok, and Youtube (and, frankly, Tumblr), there were ~4 categories:
Well-researched, accurate history, but boring as fuck*
Pretty well-researched, but lacking citations, context, and/or using outdated, incorrect analysis**
One-off videos, which then become part of the discourse because they sound plausible - sometimes true, usually partly true, partly hyperbole or incorrect extrapolation.
Complete Lies, Now With A Grain Of Truth! - hot takes on history by people who are either conspiracy theorists, propagandists, lying grifters, or all three***
But I am a historian. I work with a lot of brilliant, entertaining, thoughtful, ethical, careful historians who have a lot of interesting things to say, and whose work, I think, would land incredibly well with people who are looking online for history they never got taught in school. It's just that our discipline doesn't value digital projects, for some reason, and that a lot of historians are too busy, and that a lot of us are not great with technology.
And but so anyway, I'm good at public speaking****, know my way around modern technology pretty well, care a lot about history and particularly the way we teach and learn it, and get really irritated both by historians who shrug and say "Well, guess people don't care about history anymore," instead of "How can we reach out to people who want to learn history," and by, well, the bad history I see masquerading as good history across the web.
Because people who want to learn deserve better!
[it has only just occurred to me that putting footnotes in the tags means they will not show up in reblogs. future footnotes will be behind a readmore cut.]
#meta post#faq#youtube link#*i'm not going to give an example here because these are my soon-to-be colleagues and i don't want to hurt their feelings#**crash course; you're wrong about#***these range from Hot Takes to Insane Diatribes to Plausible-sounding But Mostly-untrue essays#for example: They Started Killing Witches to Destroy Successful Female Breweries... or White People Were in South Africa First. etc.#****this was physically difficult to type. i forced myself to delete 'pretty good' and just say 'good'. i cast thee OUT impostor syndrome!
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The whole giri-ninjo part of the discussion you guys were having scratches a particular itch in my brain! I love all of it but I personally have been caught on that one line for quite a while with Mine.
I'm going to defer mostly to Tenno's interpretation since I'm not particularly studied, but I have some brain-worms about what exactly the concept of giri-ninjo means to Mine specifically.
Giri is a fun word to try and define. It's not just moral obligation, it's societal expectations and informs the kind of loyalty and friendly behavior that comes with business, duty, etc. In gift-giving, there's the obligation to return a gift with another, sending cards out for holidays, etc. It's not negative but it is again, obligation, and built a lot on either reciprocal action or simply the rules of society. Ninjo is quite literally "human feelings", so it encompasses emotions such as love and compassion that can inform giri, or even be in conflict with it. The giri-ninjo value system of what we owe to each other, reliance on one another, is inherent in the dependence bonds that Tenno mentioned.
I believe Mine says something along the lines of how he hates people (Kiryu) who live their lives only on that principle alone. This is really interesting to me, as in a way giri-ninjo seems to define exactly the type of bonds that Mine specifically sought out in the yakuza. Why would he despise it?
For one, he could think Kiryu foolish to believe that he can build his life entirely around these bonds that Mine finds to be fallible and subject to be taken away at any moment. I feel like on top of rejecting interdependence for individualism, there's also the matter of giri mixed in. Mine is quite familiar with relationships built entirely on obligation, especially in a business setting. Relationships where people are kind to one another not because they particularly care, but because it's simply something that you have to do as part of society- the kind of thing that results in the betrayal Mine felt at his former workplace.
Mine wants to care about someone and be cared about, not a concern compelled by duty or the sense that you owe each other. I suppose one could read relationships like this as not only unreliable but also as false. It's the most uncharitable interpretation of giri, but not one that I would put past Mine.
There's a lot more I could spam abt it but it's ground already covered and this is getting long anyway haha. Again don't take this like 1000% seriously I'm only really a native speaker in household conversational and had to learn the rest by aggressively pestering my family for their takes on scenes in Yakuza, and even then people have their own personal reading of things. I just wanted to send bc these thoughts have been spinning in my brain ever since I heard the line the first time.
This kind of interpretation's pretty sensible (if that's the right word anyway) honestly; it's definitely a fair and just assessment, and makes a whole lot of sense in regards to Mine, his wants, and his philosophy! I'm definitely a fan of this exploration of the subject..
#long post#fave#snap chats#aka im suckign it up in a syringe and injecting it into my brain directly#i WISH i could use my words better but just know now MY brain is going to itch about this#of course as you said the term and all else can be interpreted in different ways#but going off the idea that giri-ninjo is more out of obligation than a personal desire to help#it really does help reinforce mine's aggression towards people like kiryu#AGAINN IM BAD AT WORDS I FEEL BAD FOR NOT WRITING ENOUGH BUT JUST KNOW IM A FAN#definitely bookmarking this to rotate in my mine essay later#heh... im free from school i CAN work on that essay....#maybe some other time.... my brain is very small i need to train it first..#but thank you immensely for writing in i love the ways we're talking about mine this week#i feel like i havent been able to really discuss mine so in-depthly so it's been a lot of fun and really eye opening
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I literally had a meeting with my professor today about these upcoming assignments where she stressed to me not to get distracted and keep it narrow, right? I sat there and explained that I want to include this and I think this is related but I'm worried that it's not strictly relevant and will lead to me getting distracted which I do not have room for in my word count and she looked at me like 'yeah obviously? like why are you bringing it up if you already know thats whats going to happen?' because the issue isn't that I don't know what the problem is, I'm well aware of my problems, the issue is that knowing isn't enough to prevent it. I need you to tell me that I'm right in this assessment and that I definitely cannot include all of that. I need strict parameters because I cannot be trusted
#Uni shenanigans#ace is a mess#i have two assignments for this class one is a research poster on a topic of my choosing related to my course with a word count of 300-700#words. very limited word count. the other is a reflective essay in which im supposed to reflect on improvements ive been given on my#assignments from first semester identify said issues the research behind them and make a plan for how to improve upon them right?#so im doing comorbidities for the research poster and doing my tendancy to be overly ambitious with my goals which leads to me not being#able to give each point the attention it needs which results in a lack of details cus id rather include a dozen citations than develop two#cus i convince myself theyre all relevant and necessary which isnt entirely accuratre#and despite knowing that this is a reoccurring issue for me that im literally doing an assignment on i cannot stop myself from doing so#we talked through the research poster and the issues im having keeping it focused cus i dont know whats most relevant to include and her#giving me pointers of what to do what to keep and whats too far from the topic to be keepable and then she asked what i was doing my essay#on again? and was like ah yes that okay i can see why youre doing thats definitely relevant to you#she did tell me that my research is always good that thats not one of the issue that i am having that others have and its like yeah because#this is how i am i get distracted and thats with only skimming the article and reading only the abstract in details i am incapable of#staying limited and now im posting on tumblr about it so as to not get sucked down another research rabbit hole cus i dont know how to not
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One day I will stop looking up triggering things on the internet I promise
#it was jkr this time folksssss#she has got so much louder and more vitriolic#I think my most unpopular opinion is that the whole ‘you should die’ and ‘violence upon ye’ stuff made things worse#not saying she deserved to have her views supported bc holy shit. even that first essay was full of inconsistencies and false info#plus it was pretty infantilising about ftm trans people#who I notice she rarely discusses#the whole thing was a mess but written prettily enough to appeal to some people but that is a topic that’s been covered#anyway my point is that I can see that a natural conclusion to seeing people baying for blood is to run in the other direction#and I just bet all the terms were rubbing their little terf hands together in glee#you know that post about cults and cult adjacent religions and churches?#the one that talked about how these people send new recruits to knock on doors to make them feel othered and alienated#and how that sets them up perfectly to put themselves in the position of protector and comforter etc#yeah I think about that in relation to terfs and jkr A Lot#of course jkr has a fuck ton of privileges due to the whole money thing#but she didn’t always have that and she is pretty clearly not worked through the trauma she’s experienced at the hands of men#so yeah#I may be wrong but I sure do wonder about it#also I hope this doesn’t come off as being a jkr apologist bc Ew.#whether or not it was avoidable doesn’t matter when the reality is that she’s consistently causing harm#having free will means that when you’re being a dick it’s your responsibility#and if it’s your responsibility then you need to work on that and make a genuine apology tour instead of digging your heels in#or blaming it entirely on your circumstances for that matter#if jkr were to get out of the terf cult now and cited the same reasons I think things got this bad she’d still have to make big steps#towards fixing what she broke and apologising for her behaviour#and also she would need to learn to be okay with not being forgiven by everyone#I doubt it’ll happen though. she’s in pretty feckin deep
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english 101. the self esteem killer
#I HATEEE THIS CLASS sorry. im so tired of writing WHY did i choose the 8wk course#i was so determined to do well in this class and then i turned in my first essay and my outlook did a complete 180#i got full points on that essay. why do i still feel like shit about it.#literally my mental health has declined so fucking much after that essay and i DONT KNOW WHY since i did good on it#ive been turning in less and less assignments these past few weeks as a result bc i cant get myself to do anything#i think i turned in like. one thing last week. out of seven assignments#and theres no late grades in this class so i cant make up those points#i have my third essay draft due tonight and i havent even started it#i just cant get myself to do anything bc for some reason i think it wont be good neough. even tho it was the first time. what the hell#anyway i hate humanities classes i wish i was drowning in equations and chemical formulas rn and im actually rotting away as i write this#two more weeks. i just need to write two more essays.#vent post#college stuff#slug rambles
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Can we have more of snuggles for hire please?! > <
YES always. I need more cuddle content
part one (leona, tweels, vil)
*ੈ✩‧₊˚ snuggles for hire (encore)
summary: first years try helping you out with your touch-starved problem type of post: blurbs characters: rook, idia, silver additional info: romantic or platonic, reader is gender neutral, reader is yuu, rook is rook as usual
"Really? That's it?" Ace scoffs.
"So, they haven't been hugged in a while. Okay? Neither has Deuce,"
Deuce glares. It's almost menacing. "That's not true, and you know it! I get lots of hugs every time I visit home!"
"I do, too. But that's just the thing, though, ain't it?" Epel says. "They don't have no home to get hugs from."
The huddle of first years goes quiet. Some days, you become such a part of their world, they forget you're really not from it.
"...Okay, point taken," Ace sighs. "But they have Grim! And he only stinks like, half the time!"
"If memory serves, Grim usually sleeps on the floor..." Epel says. "Poor prefect, all lonely. Now even their sleep is suffering 'cause of it!"
Jack rubs the back of his neck. "It must be tough, not having anything to look forward to,"
Another melancholy silence. Finally, Ace stands, hands on his hips.
"Well, let's do something about it, then. There are tons of boys at this school- one of them should be willing to help,"
You were slouched over your desk, dozing off over an essay you hadn't even started yet, when your door flies open.
"Prefect!" Epel shouts, his eyes wide with panic. Immediately, dread sets in. Had someone else overblotted? Was Grim in trouble?
"I'm sorry! I was looking for Vil, but he found me first!"
Huh? "What do you mean b-"
"Oh, Trickster~!"
That question answers itself. In a blink, Epel is gone, bolting before he could get dragged into this. Rook lets himself in, smiling as if he'd just won a million thaumarks.
"Ah, there you are~! I have been waiting for your call!"
You blink. "...Hi, Rook. What?"
He slides his hands under your arms, and lifts you like a cat. You remind yourself that he's much stronger than he looks.
"How my heart ached, watching you suffer! But I had to be patient- I had to wait for your call, Trickster! And when I heard Monsieur Pommette was looking for someone to come to your aid... I knew it had to be me!"
Rook sits you in his lap, squeezing you as if you were a small, cute animal. Which, to him, you sort of were. "Now, rest. I will comfort you!"
"Rook," you say, smothered in his arms, "This really isn't necessary."
"For your health, it is," he boops your nose. "Bonne nuit, mon ange."
With the way he's cooing and cuddling you so closely to him, you know there's no getting out of this.
...Not that you're complaining. He's right, after all. And you're really just grateful that he decided to break in while you were awake.
You're still going to have to kick Epel's butt for it, anyway.
"I already told you, I don't have a problem,"
Ortho Shroud beeps at you. "Incorrect. Your hormonal levels and kinesics indicate you've been sleeping poorly," he says. "...And the other first years were talking about it."
Of course, you sigh. Ace and Deuce. "It's not that bad,"
"Then perhaps you would be interested in solving another problem?"
He brings you down a long, cold hallway, and stops at a door. You hadn't been inside Ignihyde before, but with all the tech stuff, you figure there's some kind of freaky sleep machine in there.
You raise an eyebrow. "I dunno. The technology here is pretty weird,"
"Not that kind of problem!" Ortho opens the door with a giggle. "Idia, look who's here!"
To your surprise (horror? delight?) there's no sleep machine. Just one wide-eyed, blushing, terrified Idia Shroud.
By the look on his face, you can tell he knows just as much about this as you do. He and Ortho exchange glances, having an entire silent conversation while you awkwardly stand in the doorway.
Finally, Ortho looks at you: "Idy has been having similar troubles with sleeping,"
"Ortho-"
"I thought you might be able to help each other!"
Idia looks about ready to crawl under his bed and hide. You look between the two.
"Is he okay?"
"Oh, don't worry! He always gets nervous around pretty people!"
He makes a noise like a deflating balloon. Ortho giggles. "I'll see you later!"
He leaves, and a whir and a thump follow him. You stare. "He took the door knob,"
Despite all the awkward staring and blushing and groaning, you end up in the same bed, anyway, lost in a tangle of limbs that is somehow both awkward and comfortable. Idia is a lot warmer than he looks. And a very, very clingy sleeper.
You'll both lament about how terrible it was to Ortho in the morning, and you'll both leave out the fact that if it really were so terrible, one of you could've just slept on the floor.
But... you didn't. And you won't tomorrow night, either.
When you told your friends you'd been summoned to Diasomnia, they looked at you as if you'd just said your exact time and place of death.
Ace and Deuce whisper-shouted something about "not telling him", but you didn't ask. You weren't worried about Malleus, after all.
...Except that the person waiting for you in the lounge isn't Malleus.
"Oh... hey, Silver. Did you...?"
You hold up the summons, and he nods. The way he's avoiding your eyes is almost... shy. Bashful.
"Sebek came back from class yesterday yelling about you... he made it sound like you were dying," Silver says, his arms crossed tightly over his chest.
"...But if it's just insomnia, I can help."
You blink. "Oh... I appreciate it, but..."
...You can't bring yourself to finish that sentence. He just looks... tense. This isn't exactly an offer he makes to most, after all.
You're just special.
And you need that.
You sit beside him in comfortable silence. The lights in the Diasomnia lounge are already dim, and it's as quiet and solemn as ever. Silver guides you into a soft position against him, your head on his shoulder, his head on yours, his arm around you, and he falls asleep.
Maybe it's just the exhaustion finally catching up to you, but it's surprisingly easy to follow his lead and fall asleep against him.
You dream of him that night.
#twisted wonderland x reader#twst x reader#rook hunt x reader#idia shroud x reader#silver x reader#queued
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Hello,Do you have any tips for recovering from internet brain rot? It's like my patience has dried up and if there's a huge amount of text (even about topics I'm very interested in) that I have to read, I get annoyed and just don't interact with the material at all.
I have multiple tips!
TL;DR (Because of course I generated a wall of text): Take a break from the internet, create a schedule for getting yourself used to reading longer texts, take breaks while reading, and perhaps reconsider how you interact with The Internet and the world in general.
Here are the basic "to reduce the brain rot just don't interact" tips:
Take a break. Give yourself time off from The Internet (for these purposes The Internet is the social media industrial complex; clickbait news, recommended videos, social media sites, etc. You don't have to totally check out of email or your local news site, just get away from the huge time sucks). I'd say to take at least one day a week where you're online for less than an hour a day, and to maybe work up to doing a week-long break from whatever the main agents of rot are.
Once you've identified the main agents of rot, give yourself a time limit or set up rules for yourself. I don't let myself look at social media in bed, for instance; no staying up late on my phone, no scrolling before I get up and start my day. I don't give myself a strict time limit anymore, but for a while there I was very firm about "you only get to go online 4 hours a day" with myself.
Don't comment (or at least only share the things you really want to share). If you feel the need to argue, or if you feel pressured into sharing something, don't. Step back, maybe even open the post in a new tab or send it to yourself, and come back later. If you've been thinking about it and have decided it IS something you care enough to talk about, share it. If you look at the tab and feel stressed out or still feel reactive, close the tab and walk away.
Go out and interact with the real world in a non-work capacity for a few hours a week; take walks or go shopping or go out and take pictures of insects. Touch grass so that The Internet is not the only thing you're doing with your downtime.
Here are the "work on reading longer texts specifically" tips:
Set a reading goal for yourself. Maybe you want to read one New Yorker article a week, maybe you want to read all the way through news articles, maybe you want to read novels like you used to in high school. Figure out what your actual goal is and articulate that goal to yourself.
Set up a practice schedule and gradually increase the amount of time you're reading. Don't go from short tumblr posts to a novella, go from short tumblr posts to slightly longer news articles, then to slightly longer essays, then to a novella. You can do this in literal paragraphs if you want to - maybe your goal for your first day is to read five paragraphs in a row, and the second day is seven, and the third day is ten, etc, until you are comfortably reading for longer amounts of time without counting paragraphs. (Try this with books from gutenberg.org; read a classic you haven't read a few paragraphs at a time and if you find yourself going over your paragraph count, let yourself run with it. If you finish a book, good for you, find another one and start again.)
Set up a maintenance schedule. If your goal is to read longer news pieces, try to read a longer piece every week and try to read to the end of every news article you open. If your goal is to read novels or longer nonfiction, try to read a book a month (maybe setting aside dedicated time each week to read, maybe Thursday evenings are book time now). If you find yourself falling back into old habits, take a break from The Internet and do some more rigorous practice for a while.
If you find yourself getting frustrated while you are reading you can also take a break! Read until you get frustrated and then *instead of switching to a different page or closing the article* close your eyes or look out the window or away from the screen for thirty seconds (count 'em! count out the time in your head) and then continue reading. You can also take a longer pause and sit and think about why you're getting frustrated. Is it the subject matter? Is it just looking at this text for longer than a couple minutes (if you are experiencing FOMO because you're reading for another few minutes instead of scrolling, the harder tips at the bottom are going to be important to you)? Are you comfortable? Are you reading this text to procrastinate from something and the procrastination is making you nervous? Are you trying to read to the bottom of your dash and reading a long post is taking up more time than you want while scrolling? Are you bored? Genuinely and very seriously: are your eyes straining and does your head hurt (if this is the case when is the last time you had your eyes checked or your glasses prescription updated)?
Here are the much harder "examine yourself and reassess your reactions to things" tips:
Work on re-training your attention span.
Identify something that you enjoy and find deeply engaging, and schedule some dedicated time for that thing. Set a literal timer (it can be a short amount of time at first) and sit down and do the thing without switching to a different website or opening up an app on your phone. This can be re-reading or watching a couple episodes of a show you like or listening to your favorite album while you sit down and draw. What's important is to spend a longer time focusing on doing something you DO like before attempting to spend a longer time focusing on something you DON'T like.
When you're starting on things you DON'T like, start with things you mildly don't like, or that feel tedious but aren't actually unpleasant. One way I do this is by transcribing poetry; I look up poems that I connect to and I transcribe them into a notebook that I have for that purpose. I enjoy having the finished product, but I don't enjoy the process, so it takes some effort to stick with it. Maybe there is a boring book you have been trying to get through, maybe you need to detail your car, maybe you've been trying to take up embroidery - these are good things to make yourself pay attention to (having music or a podcast on can help, but avoid watching videos or opening social apps)
When you're okay at that kind of thing (doing something not actively unpleasant) work on your attention span for things you ACTIVELY don't like. I don't think you should be a masochist about this, but you should work on being okay with doing unpleasant things for a sustained period of time. All of us have to do unpleasant stuff sometimes, and it's better to be able to pay attention to it for an hour at a time than it is to put it off forever.
This leads into the next Big Tip which is:
Work on being less reactive
Find something that you dislike; I'm going to use conservative talk radio as my example.
Expose yourself to the disliked thing for short periods of time (under ten minutes, maybe under five minutes).
Work on moderating your emotions during the time spent exposed to the disliked thing. If it makes you angry, work on intellectualizing the anger without becoming agitated by it. If it makes you sad, work on accepting that sadness without letting it drag down your mood. This isn't precisely about becoming numb to stimuli, but it is about being more in control of how your emotional reactions impact you.
Analyze the disliked thing. Why does it make you angry? Is that on purpose by the creator of the thing? Would it make someone else angry in the same way? How would you explain the anger to a neutral third party?
Consider responding instead of reacting. Let's say you're seeing a lot of very sad and upsetting things online and it's making you sad and upsetting you. You re-share these things because you don't feel like there's anything else you can do or you get angry when you see people sharing incorrect information, perhaps you argue with people about this. Now try looking at the upsetting things through the lens of point number four. This has upset you; how has it upset you? And once you've thought about how it upset you and have articulated that to yourself, find out what you can DO. I cannot make conservative talk radio go off the air, but I can support the groups harmed by conservative talk radio; thus there is no point in me getting upset and angry about conservative talk radio when I could be helping the people they target instead.
And that gets us to the last big tip which is:
Ask yourself if you are spending your time in a way that is enjoyable and edifying.
We all have limited time in our days and limited time in our lives. If you are finding yourself frequently frustrated online, it's a good time to consider whether you want to be spending so much time online.
If you feel like The Internet has become a rat race in which you can't read more than a few paragraphs without getting frustrated, there's a good chance that not only are you spending too much time on The Internet, but you're also spending it on doing things that you don't particularly like.
A realization like yours, Anon, that you are getting frustrated with any longer texts, can actually be really helpful because it provides a good opportunity to look at what you're engaging with and consider the questions:
Is this something I enjoy?
Do I feel good when I do this thing?
And that's a great way to figure out how to get rid of things that are leading to your background frustration. Maybe that looks like paring down the list of blogs you follow, maybe that looks like unsubscribing from some youtubers and podcasts, maybe that looks like uninstalling apps, maybe that looks like blocking a whole bunch of people and terms on your socials.
I don't think that everything we do has to help us grow as a person or expand our consciousness or anything like that, but I do think it's important to prioritize doing things that you like and doing things that you feel good about.
Like, I'm not doing something *wrong* if I spend an afternoon on Youtube watching drama channels every once in a while, but if I come out of a few afternoons of watching youtube drama channels feeling restless and anxious and like I wasted my time - even if I enjoyed myself while I was watching - it's probably a good idea for me to take a break from drama channels and see if there's something I can do instead that will make me feel better.
ALSO, A NOTE:
You are an animal that requires significant enrichment in your enclosure.
Think about tigers. Tigers in captivity are going to be excited to get high-value treats for any reason. They will eat and enjoy the treats. But if a tiger in captivity is only given the treats and never given any other form of activity to engage with, it is not going to be a happy tiger. If you start putting their treats in a pumpkin or a puzzle feeder or giving them toys to play with, that is going to be a much happier tiger.
Please give your brain things to play with that are more than just treats (though it does need some treats!). Make yourself a happy tiger. Your brain need a puzzle feeder, not a treat button.
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my philosophy prof is so bad at remembering to post stuff to the course website im so annoyed lol he still hasnt posted the 2 things i have to read for monday
#in the first class he asked us whether we wanted him to upload all the readings at once or weekly and we agreed on all at once#then he didnt do that. classes are on monday hes been uploading them on thursday#which lol is too late honestly but is fine for me personally bc my other classes i wouldn't get to it by then prob anyway altho id prefer#earlier in the day but anyway he should be posting them mondays after class#theres an exam next class too and i have an essay due for my other class on wednesday -_- so hes screwing me at a rly bad time#plus ive been trying to plan a hang with my friend but im prob gonna have to cancel again bc of this and ive had to postpone sm lately#the course is cross listed so he prob only uploaded it to the other one lol. on monday during class he was like i uploaded the sample exam#and we were like no u didnt so he said hed make a note to do it that day and then he didnt do it til the next day when i emailed him the#class notes bc ive been in charge of that#anyways lol im stressed#just emailed him but its the weekend so who knows
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