#first off we absolutely did and there was a fucking test i won an award

[docholligay]

The folks on local montana reddit have fucking had it (me too babygirl) complaining about the no fucking dog rule at our farmers market and the response

[oldguardhc]

Old Guard hc #101

Summary: Part 2 of the Decennial Awards (Part 1)

“Our next category is the Weirdest Sleeping Spot! As the title suggests, this category is based on the weirdest spot one has been caught sleeping.” Joe turns on the TV behind him and starts the slideshow of them all snoozing in various spots and positions. “We require plenty of rest to remain youthful. This, unfortunately, means we have to catch our Z’s in some unconventional places.”

“When did you take all these pictures?” Booker asks, leaning forward on the couch. Joe glances back and sees a picture of Booker asleep on top of a fridge. The man wasn’t even curled up on top like one would assume. No, he was half-draped over the top, head and arms hanging on the other side, looking as close to dead one can be while still alive. He looked like a poor Halloween decoration. “I don’t even remember that.” 

“That’s because you’re senile,” Joe retorts and immediately wishes he can take it back. Three unimpressed faces stare back at him from the couches and Joe knows that this is going to be counted against him. Dammit. He wants to win the best host at the end of the century. Joe plasters on a winning smile. “I apologize; that comment should have been saved for after the show. All of the pictures were taken some time in the last 10 years; anything before was disqualified. Now, our first nominee, Nicolò, fell asleep in-“

Booker stands up and turns around to look at Andy and Nicky. He gestures wildly at them, some of his drink sloshing onto the floor and all over his hand. Booker slurps up what he can on his hand before saying, “Are we not going to talk about how Joe’s been taking pictures of us sleeping? For more than a decade?” 

Andy lobs a peanut at him. “Sit down!” Booker catches the peanut and pops it into his mouth. For a second, Joe hopes he chokes on it. 

When it’s clear that he will not, Joe says, “No, we are not. Please take a seat, sir.” 

Booker whirls around, spilling more of his drink. “This is an invasion of privacy!”

“You were in a public area.”

“Technically-“

“If you have to start with technically, you’re wrong,” Joe sighs, motioning to the couch more insistently. He feels like he has just finished 8 hours of customer support and was told by his manager to cover for the coworker they’re currently sleeping with. Andy snags the back of Booker’s pants and whatever was left in Booker’s cup is now sitting on the carpet. Wonderful. “As I was saying, Nicolò, over here, fell asleep on a crane that was on top of a 500m building. He had a couple of hours to kill until his target arrived and rather than playing on his phone like any other sane person, he decided to take a nap.” Everyone turns to look at Nicky. 

“I still don’t see the issue here. I even set an alarm for an hour before the scheduled arrival,” Nicky says and Andy squints at him. 

“The construction workers were using the crane. It was literally spinning the entire day,” Booker says and Joe nods. Some carousels spin less than that crane. 

“You cost me 500 euros,” Andy adds with a scowl. “It was supposed to be an easy win. You puked after the teacups.” 

Nicky gapes at her. “That doesn’t count! Booker made me eat 5 bananas and drink 2 cans of sprite!” 

“It was a projectile. You could calculate the angle of it.” You could. It was absolutely disgusting. Joe had made sure to slip the janitor an extra hundred as he tended to his violently sick husband. 

Knowing that this will lead to a full-blown argument, Joe quickly interjects, “Now Sebastien, he fell asleep in the trunk of the wrong car and ended up giving a poor old lady quite the scare. Later, I would like to discuss Sebastien’s concerning taste for younger women.”

“Yeah, she was less than half your age. That’s gross, Book,” Andy teases.

“Preying on the young and vulnerable?” Nicky tuts. “Where're your morals?”

“Fuck you guys,” Booker groans.

“I like older men,” Nicky says. “Thank you, though.”

With a smirk, Joe continues. “Next is Andromache, who fell asleep on top of a moving train and managed to stay on it the entire duration of her nap. In fact, she did not even sway an inch; not even when the train was climbing the side of a mountain.”

“Less stuffy up there,” Andy says, taking a sip of her drink.

“I believe you.”

“Plenty of space.”

“No one’s going to join you, Andy,” Booker groans, leaning back on the couch. “It’s fucking cold up there.” 

Nicky tilts his head, eyebrows furrowing. “That’s-,” Joe shares a look of incredulity with his husband and slowly shakes his head. It’s probably best that they leave this one alone for a couple of centuries. 

“For our last nominee, Yusuf managed to find a yak and fall asleep on its back.”

“You conveniently left out the part where it woke up startled and kicked you 20 feet away.”

Joe gives him a tight-lipped smile. “Thank you, Sebastien. As always, your contribution is entirely unwanted.” Joe pulls the second envelope out. “Now for our winner,” he opens it and snorts as he reads the card. “Sebastien! Congratulations! You won this decade’s weirdest sleeping spot.”

Booker slowly gets off the couch, like he expects Joe to say ‘Psych!’ and call out somebody else’s name. Andy decides he’s moving too slow and slaps him on the ass.

“Here you go,” Joe hands him the prize when he’s a foot away and Booker frowns. 

“A sleeping mask from Delta Airlines?” It’s folded in half and barely thicker than a paper towel.

“To make your sleep more pleasurable.”

“There’s a better one in the bathroom upstairs.”

“Don’t be ungrateful, it’s rude.” Did no one teach their kids manners these days? “What do you have to say?”

Booker shrugs and rubs the back of his neck. “I’m sorry, Margaret. Both cars were extremely similar.” It’s not a bad apology. Joe has definitely heard worse. 

“One was a minivan, the other was a hummer, you dumbass!” Andy heckles. Sadly, she’s not lying. 

“Looks the same when you’re drunk and have your eyes 90% closed.” 

“Alright, thank you, Sebastien,” Joe nudges him back to his seat. “Continuing with the weirdest theme, our next category is Weirdest Death.” 

Andy and Nicky groan, Booker smirks. 

“Just give it to Booker already,” Andy says. “Fucker always dies in the weirdest manners.” 

“He’s won every single time since he joined us,” Nicky adds, waving a dismissive hand. “Give him his prize and let him do his speech.”

“So you guys can count me off later? No way!” Joe’s not a fool. This is their test. “Unlike our previous categories, this nominee will cover both Nicolò and Yusuf. Our dearest Nicolò and Yusuf were having a lovely picnic in the middle of the safari. They were enjoying a nice Pinot Noir with some young cantal cheese when they were rudely trampled by a stampede of elephants. ”

“Picnic,” Joe really wants to wipe that stupid smirk off of Booker’s face. Nicky, his dearest heart, reaches over to smack the bane of Joe’s existence over the back of his head. It’s a satisfying thunk too. “Ow! I only have one brain, Nicky, Jesus!”

“More like one brain cell,” Nicky responds. Joe almost bends down onto one knee right there. 

No. He has a plan. He’s not going to ruin it because he’s too impatient. 

Joe gestures to Andy, “Andromache, was taking a stroll in one of Colorado’s mountains when she accidentally walked into a cult’s trap. After being shot with an elephant tranquilizer, she woke up tied to a tree and was shot with a special marijuana filled bullet as a sacrifice to their Marijuana god.”

“Bullets filled with marijuana,” Booker says, impressed. “If I weren't here, that’d surely be the winner.”

“I know,” Andy grumbles, taking an angry swig of her drink. 

“For our reigning titleholder, Sebastien continued to drink an excessive amount of soda, despite everyone telling him that there were not going to be any bathrooms for another hour. Our stubborn Sebastien, of course, ignored us and after drinking 64oz of Pepsi, he had to pee. So in the pouring rain, Andy pulled over. Sebastien sprinted to the treeline and as he began to relieve himself, Zeus struck our poor nominee. He died in his puddle of pee.”

Nicky shakes his head, looking at Booker with a little bit of awe. “How do these things keep on happening to you?” 

“The comedic gods really like me.” Something out there really likes him, that’s for sure. 

Joe pulls out the correct envelope and is completely unsurprised with what he reads. “Our winner is, of course, Sebastien! Congratulations!” Joe picks up the prize and holds it out; Booker takes it with a grin.

“A voodoo doll of myself?” The doll has a denim jacket and the same haircut Booker has been sporting for the last six years. Booker pokes the doll’s eyes and squishes its plump body. “I’m keeping this.”

“And not the other prizes?”

“This one is custom made; it gets custom treatment.” He has a point. “As for my speech, I would like to thank myself, the greatest and worst person to exist.”

Joe shares another look with his husband. Andy, on the other hand, says, “The prize should’ve been therapy.”

“Okay,” Joe says after an awkward moment of silence. “Thank you for your speech; please return to your seat so we can continue.” 

[chispas-and-broken-bindings]

I was all ready to wrap up my little Chicago fic tonight, but then I heard FKA Twigs song “Cellophane” and I started writing the little Persuasion AU that has been rolling around my head for days, and I can’t decide if I should actually keep writing or not. It feels like a very already been done story. 

What do ya’ll think? Do I continue this? or scrap it? 

Sansa was grateful. Truly. She had a good job with flexible hours and consistent money. Gendry was a fair and easy-going boss and she was closer to her sister than she’d ever been. Her life was certainly better than she had any right to expect. When she left Joffrey a year ago, she’d had no money of her own and no real skills besides her good taste and her composure.  

Now, she could tell an ale from a lager, pancetta from pork belly, and she could make change for twenty without reaching for a calculator. Her composure was an excellent asset in her first-ever job, and her discerning eye also seemed to translate to a discerning palette. Hot Pie, Gendry’s sous chef was amazed by her ability to identify foods by taste alone. He’d hardly let her fire a ticket without making her take another of his silly taste tests. When she passed them, he’d prattle on excitedly about her super taster, which would only earn her dirty looks as Hot Pie ignored the tickets piling up at the printer. 

It was all so very useless, really. It’s not like she was really going to pursue a career in the culinary arts. Not in Winter Town. Not at her age. Not with her baggage. 

But, Sansa was grateful. She was. She had a little apartment, all her own, and nice co-workers...a few she’d even venture to name as friends. Her life was practically her own, or at least as close as it’d ever get. Was it a bit uncomfortable sometimes? Sure. Working over the holidays was brutal. Mott’s was packed almost every night, and Sansa had to take a steady dose of ibuprofen just to make it through each shift. Running across the cement floors, ferrying trays of drinks and the absurdly heavy plates Gendry insisted on between all the tables in her section, did a number on her calves and feet, and she felt older than her thirty years lying in bed at night, rubbing her wrists and trying to determine if this was the week she could afford the Danskos everyone swore would change her life. 

A year ago, she wouldn’t have batted an eye about buying a hundred dollar pair of shoes. A year ago, she wouldn’t have blink at a seven hundred dollar pair. What was the cost of Manolos compared to the cost of another trip to the emergency room? 

Too much, actually.

Sansa was grateful. Sore calves meant a fat wallet. Even with the extra costs that the holiday season brought, she was pretty sure she could swing the Danskos and even a little extra padding in her rainy day fund. It was just a pittance, really, but it was hard-earned, and it was hers. She worked hard for that meager sum. She burned fingers, cleaned up broken glass, ran her ass off, and bore every overheard whisper from all the people she once knew who came home to Winter Town for the holidays. 

Oh my god. Is that Sansa Stark?

Yes. Didn’t you hear, she came home, tail between her legs, with absolutely nothing to show for herself. Somebody didn’t read her pre-nup.  

Well they always said she was a beauty, not a brain. 

Gods...I wouldn’t really say she’s either, anymore.  

I suppose it’s easy to be beautiful when you’re rich. You heard what happened to her family, didn’t you?

Who didn’t? It was all over the papers. 

It’s a shame. Her parents seemed like such lovely people. 

Well, I guess you never know what’s happening behind closed doors. 

So true. 

Was it painful? Yes. But it was bearable. 

It was fine. It was just a bit of gossip. Her fall from grace would be far less interesting next year...and her family’s...well, after ten years gone by, that scar had all but faded.  

Sansa was right. The next year, they didn’t take note of her at all. 

The next year, everyone was too busy talking about Jon Snow. 

Jon Snow, the boy who left Winter Town with nothing but a busted guitar and big dreams (and Sansa’s heart...a small thing really). He had now returned, for the first time since he left, and no one would shut up about it. 

Sansa wanted to die. 

Jon Snow! Can you believe it? 

We have a real hometown celebrity!

I heard he’s renting a cabin on Long Lake. 

A cabin? More likely one of those fancy lake houses along the eastern shore. How much do you think he’s worth? 

Millions, right? I mean, how many Grammy’s has he won now? 

I watched his performance at the Billboard Music Awards. He’s so sexy. I don’t remember him being so fucking sexy...

Honestly, I don’t remember him here at all...he was always kind of a loner, right? Quiet. But whatever, success looks damn good on him now...

So does his actress girlfriend...Daenerys...Is she staying with him? 

Nah, I think he’s holed up, writing his next album. 

It’s probably blasphemous to say, but nothing will top his first. 

The heartache! I swoon every time I listen to it. 

Sansa couldn’t bear it. She couldn’t bear any of it. 

[randomvarious]

Moby - “Bodyrock” Crossing All Over! Volume 10 1999 Big Beat

You all know who Moby is. He’s one of the most successful, talented, and eclectic electronic music producers of his generation. He’s the American who made big beat and sample-laden dance tracks achieve popularity in the US at the turn of the century. He’s an electronic music chameleon; he’s techno, he’s downtempo, he’s big beat, he’s ambient, and he’s even punk and alternative rock. He’s had a long, storied career, with plenty of hits and questionable decisions that have resulted in some really high highs and equally really low lows. 

By the time Moby released his fifth album, Play, which ended up becoming considered by many critics to be one of the greatest albums ever recorded in the history of music, he thought it was his final album. Just four years prior, he had released the critically acclaimed Everything Is Wrong, which Spin named its album of the year. He ended up selling a respectable 250,000 copies of the record worldwide, but for the amount of praise it received, and for being on a major label (Elektra), it was a mediocre showing. From jump, that appeared to be Moby’s curse, as it was for most electronic talents: good music, but bad sales; a niche market conquered, but little else beyond that.

Whatever likability Moby had accrued since the UK success of his 1991 techno track, “Go,” which sampled music from Twin Peaks, nearly disintegrated into thin air with the release of his fourth album, 1996′s Animal Rights, which saw him ditching dance music for a blend of alternative rock, hardcore punk, and ambient music. Fans and critics both hated this turn and washed their hands of him almost entirely. It appeared that everyone was just about done with Moby, and that Moby was just about done with himself. Animal Rights turned out to be an album that brought him within an inch of career suicide.

But by 1999, he had decided to go back to dance and electronic music and the result was Play. However, no one seemed to want to give Play any play at all. Moby shopped it to a number of big record labels, but at that point he was regarded as a has-been; a guy who’d run out of good fortune because of his uncompromising strong will and his insufferable need to be an artist. But Richard Branson’s V2 label, which was only three years old at the time, decided to take a chance on it.

From a quote in Rolling Stone:

First show that I did on the tour for Play was in the basement of the Virgin Megastore in Union Square. Literally playing music while people were waiting in line buying CDs. Maybe forty people came.

Most of the critics adored Play and saw it as a work of contemporary creative genius; a real mover-of-the-sticks kind of album. No one, at least no American, had ever made an album quite like it before. It was uptempo, it was downtempo, it had blues samples, it had breakbeats, it was more than danceable, and it was also quite emotional and vulnerable. It was an amalgamation of a lot of different things, and it was a beautiful representative mess of the post-modern, recently-formed digital age, which, at the time, appeared to be bringing the world closer together than it had ever been before, at least from a cultural standpoint. It was music that had a little something for just about everyone. But that was what initially appeared to have ben its fatal flaw, too. See, Play didn’t fit into any pre-defined, carefully crafted, easily marketable categories; It wasn’t rock, it wasn’t pop, it wasn’t hip hop, and it wasn’t R&B. So radio and MTV passed on every song. The album certainly had no home in America, and it didn’t sell all that well in the UK either. 

So Moby decided to sell the album out, literally. He licensed every single song off of Play for commercials, TV, movies, and video games, which were all industries that were more receptive to the varied sounds of the album. People would be exposed to Play through other indirect and less conventional means. And with every track licensed and songs appearing in nearly every medium that had audio, except for radio and MTV, Play, almost a year after its release, started to finally gain some commercial traction.

Here’s an illuminating Moby quote from that same Rolling Stone article:

Almost a year after it came out in 2000 I was opening up for Bush on an MTV Campus Invasion Tour. It was degrading for the most part. Their audience had less than no interest in me. February in 2000, I was in Minnesota, I was depressed and my manager called me to tell me that Play was number one in the UK, and had beat out Santana's Supernatural. I was like, :But the record came out 10 months ago.” That's when I knew, all of a sudden, that things were different. Then it was number one in France, in Australia, in Germany—it just kept piling on. [...] The week Play was released, it sold, worldwide around 6,000 copies. Eleven months after Play was released, it was selling 150,000 copies a week. I was on tour constantly, drunk pretty much the entire time and it was just a blur. And then all of a sudden movie stars started coming to my concerts and I started getting invited to fancy parties and suddenly the journalists who wouldn't return my publicist's calls were talking about doing cover stories. It was a really odd phenomenon.

Play only peaked at #38 on the Billboard 200, but it sold two million copies in the States alone. It was on charts across the world for several fucking years. And it finally brought dance music to the American mainstream.

There were two songs that almost didn’t make it onto Play though: “Porcelain,” which Moby hated, and “Bodyrock,” which Moby’s two managers hated. His managers complained that “Bodyrock” was a total ripoff of Fatboy Slim, which...fair..., and that it was tacky. But Moby wanted to keep it on there. He had sampled a classic hip hop song by Spoonie Gee and the Treacherous Three for it called “Love Rap,” which held sentimental value for him, and is the only vocal sample on the song (”Non-stop y’all, to the beat y’all, the body rock y’all...”). 

At the top of this post, I called Moby an electronic music chameleon, and “Bodyrock” is the song that saw him almost seamlessly morphing into a god of the big beat sound, somehow briefly placing himself among the ranks of The Prodigy, The Chemical Brothers, and of course, the aforementioned Fatboy Slim. And he managed to do it with just one fucking song. For “Bodyrock,” Moby basically took all the things that got those three big beat acts constantly lumped into the same category, as well as all the things that made them stand apart from each other, and then he mortared-and-pestled it all to death, reducing it all into a fine powder that he could re-arrange and re-apply into his own stunning creation.

“Bodyrock” is a song that’s layered wonderfully and fuses sounds from many different instruments and genres to make something that’s intense as hell, especially for a mainstream audience, but still highly enjoyable. It’s a perfect fusion of rock, hip hop, and dance music, all packaged together into one, solidly cranking song. 

Moby starts with the drum-and-vocal sample from Spoonie Gee and The Treacherous Three and then adds two layers of guitars, one with an acidified, throttling, crunchy funkiness, a la Fatboy Slim, that’s inspired by Gang of Four’s 1981 track, “What We All Want,” and one with a thin and whining kind of wah that’s also a bit funky, and which later on becomes an integral part of the chorus. Then Moby infuses the track with some hardness, with heavy drums and bass, as well as hand-claps. Rapper Nikki D, who released an album on Def Jam in 1991, then proceeds to appear out of nowhere for the chorus, pretty clearly trying to sound like MC Lyte’s nearly-forgotten 1996 jam, “Cold Rock a Party”. And along with Ms. D comes the most important piece of the recipe, the bow and ribbon that ties the whole song together, the streaming and high-pitched cinematic strings, which replace the Gang of Four-styled guitar, and are underlaid with a rumbling, motoring, thick bassline that also plays along to the string melody itself. 

Two unique and brief pieces then come later on, one that sounds like a combination of clean and dirty aquatics, with a brief, pleasant keyboard melody that sounds submerged in water, but still near the surface, and a swampy and swishy, mud-in-your-galoshes type of rhythm beneath it. Then, before the song’s final push, the other brief piece appears, which sounds like those frequencies you might hear from a hearing test machine, laced with Nikki D’s vocals, the drum break from Spoonie Gee and The Treacherous Three, and some bounding bass.

To close out the masterpiece, Moby lets the chorus ride, and then adds the “Love Rap” vocal back in. You’d think playing two vocals concurrently would clash and make the song unlistenable at that point, but somehow, they don’t. They happen to work really well, and when played together along with everything else, they yield the most intense and enjoyable part of the song.  

Play ended up having a total of twelve music videos and a quarter of them were for “Bodyrock”. The first two have a similar theme of British guys, all of whom except for one are white, dancing terribly, but also passionately:

The second one features a car explosion at the end!:

And the third one, which has a Run-D.M.C. cameo (!), shows Moby donning special sunglasses that allow him to see talented dancers everywhere:

Even almost a year after Play was released, it appeared that it was going to be Moby’s swan song and the death of his career. But the decision to license changed all of that, and if ever there was some kind of universal music award for “comeback artist of the year,” Moby would have absolutely won that thing. But in the immortal words of LL Cool J, “don’t call it a comeback,” because while the original best hope for Play was to return to the similar sales and critical appeal of Everything Is Wrong, it managed to far exceed that wishful and shortsighted forecast. Moby was comeback artist of the year and damn near MVP also. It was a wild, totally unexpected, and fantastic turn of events for his career and wellbeing. He almost stopped making music, but now he can’t stop making music. He released an album just this year.

I wholeheartedly agree with the critics who list Play as one of the greatest albums ever made. Not only is it fucking tremendous on its own, but It marked a much-needed turning point for Moby’s career, which undoubtedly kept him going, and still keeps him going today. And one of the many amazing songs on that album that makes Play what it is, is that consummate, brief bit of big beat greatness, that banger of a cut that almost didn’t make it onto the album, the one and only “Bodyrock”; a song that still manages to bop as hard as it did when it originally came out 20-plus years ago.

[hpdabbles]

YOU MADE ME SHIP REGULUS AND HARRY. WHY. DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW HARD IT IS TO FIND THAT SHIP!? Please may I have this ship plus being really tired parents to a pair of twins and Harry suddenly understanding Molly's pain?

Suffer. Suffer with me. Welcome to Harry/Regulus hell (Does this ship have a name? Can we call them Lion’s Heart? Since one is the Leo consultation and the other is a Gryfindor???) 

Harry wanted to pull his hair out and it was only ten in the morning. He loved his kids, Magic In All Living he loved them, but there were days when they just tested every limit he had.

And Harry fought two magical wars, lived through two killing curses, traveled through time, and put up with Draco Malfoy who annoyed him more than Voldemort on some days. 

In highsight traveling through time was one of the best things to ever happen to him, because he was able to save his family from all the heartache, managed to give his friends a life of peace and meet the love of his life.

Regulus Black was everything he wanted. His husband understood being the overlooked child in the house, understood not living up to people’s expectations, and understood the fear and the shyness that made it hard to be in front of new people.  He is, in a lot of ways, just like Harry. 

He was also the one who Harry turned to during the darkest first days in the past, the one who got him to smile and laugh and helped him take down the Death Eaters. Who was silly, nerdy and yet still had the elegance of a pureblood lord. 

Add to the fact Regulus looks like Adonis dyed his hair black and had a brain that was equally impressive as his physical features? The man was eighteen when he figured out what Voldemort had done to the Slytherin locket and find it. Harry knows it took Albus Dumbledore a decade to get an idea of its location, meanwhile, Regulus took six months to learn of them and then another six to write that giant “Fuck you” letter to stick inside the locket. 

He’s husband is the whole damn package and Harry would fist fight anyone who tries to say otherwise (He did fight Sirius that one time luckily his in-law no longer holds it against him).

That is why it only made sense that he asked this perfect wonderful man who was just a flawed and broken as Harry to marry him a year after they killed Voldemort together. The marriage of the Men-Who-conquered was the biggest event in modern magical history- or that was until the two successfully blood adopt a year and a half later.

Blood adopting, a valid way to allow same-sex magical couples to have children by blood, but with a high risk.  Not only did they have to find magical newborns for any child above a month would fail, but they also had to be able to transfer their core’s magic and fuse it into the child. 

Usually, the parents died from over draining their cores or they just couldn’t recover the amount they gave away and in a sense, crippled themselves to squibs.  

That’s why most blood adopting was rarely done, and it was even less common to attempt more than one child. 

Of course, Harry Potter always challenges the norm, and thus he along with his husband managed to get a pair of twins; a boy, and a girl. The day after the ritual Harry had been so tired it took everything he had just to stay awake, with Regulus fighting for his life in the bed next to him, and yet the sounds of the newborns cooing in the crib had made it all worth it.

One was named the Heir of the Ancient and Noble  House Of Black- since Regulus keep the title since he stayed alive- and the other the Ancient and Noble House of Slytherin- since Harry couldn’t keep the last name Potter and he sort of won the title through the right of conquest in the future. 

Harry loved them so much, even if it was surprising to everyone- none more so to Harry who could argue that they had a  lot of Slytherin in them since he was almost a snake himself-  when his kids were sorted and they were not wearing red or green but yellow and blue. 

After the shock of knowing the family had all four houses, it became clear why they sorted this way. Harry should have seen his son’s thirst for knowledge was obvious the moment he learned the dreaded word “why?” at age three, while his precious girl was loyal to a fault as she would often take the fall for her brother who’s curiosity led to him trying his own experiments that ended more in injuries then proven hypothesis.  

The problem was they represented their Hogwarts houses too well.

Standing as stern as he, a thirty-four-year-old man could besides his equally as stern thirty-two-year-old husband, clash in a battle of wills against a thirteen-year-old girl who’s loyalty and puberty made them bugs beneath her shoes, while unwilling to sell out her brother. 

The fact they found their son’s possible broom design blueprints made it all the worst. His son was one of the brightest wizards to ever walk Hogwarts having to earn the brightest Wizard Award three years in a roll and yet he lack so much common sense. Honestly, it was Hermione all over again.

While his daughter would defend him to the end of the world, she gave her loyalty too forcefully and fiercely. Once he would marvel and love this trait in Ron, now as a parent it just worried him how far she would go for those she trusted. 

Harry called this the dark side of the Hufflepuffs. But they had to get her to see the light before her brother breaks his neck on another of his hair-brained ideas. 

Regulus took the initiative and stared down his daughter "Ursa Lily Slytherin Black, I will not ask again. Is your brother on the roof with a dangerous broom he made himself right now?" 

Ursa folded her hands before her in the proper manner a lady of her standard should, having the rules of high society drilled into her by Regulus since before she could speak. There were days where she was more graceful then Harry ever could be. 

The light of the large window she stood in front of made her dark wavy hair and emerald green eyes all that more striking. She is a very beautiful young lady, taking more after Regulus in looks alongside her brother, and Harry knew he would be beating suitors back in just a few years.

"Father, I am absolutely certain that my brother, Gemini Regulus Slytherin Black, is-" suddenly a figure dropped down screaming in a flash of expensive robes bypassing the window before Regulus or Harry could process it.

 "-not on the roof"  She finished without so much as a blink. "I would check the front yard. On a completely unrelated note is our floo connected to St. Mungo’s emergency room?”

Harry opens his mouth but an explosion goes off somewhere down the hall shaking the whole house to its foundations. Ursa stares at him as if though she is daring him to comment on it. He reaches up to grab onto his hair fighting the urge to rip it out, as he turns away, leaving the pair alone.

Harry barely loses any speed as he rushes down the stairs into the front hall and out into the front yard where Gemini is laying on his back, tracing mathematical equations in the air with his wand and legs bent in the wrong direction.  

Regulus can handle the explosion he needs to get the Black Heir to St. Mungo’s. Why is that his boy inherited his lack of fear for death while his daughter took after her Father in his defiant till the end tendencies?   

“Hi Dad!” Gemini chirps at him the moment Harry’s shadow falls onto his face. The boy has the audacity to be smiling like a loon. Fred’s and George’s mischief rests in the curve of his lips.  “Guess what? I almost figured out the charms they use on brooms. Soon I’ll be charming everything to fly just like Uncle Sirius’s motorbike! And Professor Flitwick said it was too advanced for me, pffff, I’m sure showing him huh?”

“Why are you like this?”

“That’s a good question. I read that Muggles think it’s due to how we are raised or treated by our parents that manifest into personality traits and they have a whole field of study in it. It’s call psychology-oh that reminds me. Dad, can I go to a summer school for psychology in the muggle college? Hermione invited me and Luna, it sounds fun!”

He loved his kids but they were going to led him to an early grave. He wondered how Molly would react to the Lord Slytherin sending her a gift basket as an apology for all the stress he put her through the first go about, even if in this timeline the families weren’t close. 

For some reason, Ursa was closer to Draco Malfoy and Gemini was best friends with Luna Lovegood. The last one wasn’t a big stretched when he thought about it but still, it was wild to think about. 

“You are grounded-”

“Yes that’s why he’s on the floor” 

Harry whirl around to give Ursa a glare “Is that backtalk I hear young lady?”

“That’s how conversations tend to work Dad.”

Regulus snorts “My how the tables have turned. But your both grounded. Now let’s get to St. Mungo’s I’m sure the healers have missed us since the last time we were there....two days ago.”

His husband releases a sigh like he’s dealing with the madness in this house in that one exhale of breath. Harry might be a little mad himself because he finds he really wants to kiss the sigh off those lips even with the stress he’s never been happier. 

[prorevenge]

My homophobic English teacher...

I saw a post on here recently about someone's horrible English teacher, and it reminded me of my own experience. TL;DR at the bottom. Doing this requires a quick lesson on the Australian high school system (I'll keep it short, don't worry). Basically, there are 6 years of Australian high school, from grades 7 through to 12. 7-10 are prep years where your grades don't carry over, then grades 11 and 12 are your big bad years with huge exams similar to the American system. When entering grade 11, you get to choose whether you want to pursue a path to university- doing this requires you to do ATAR subjects, which are the hardest subjects available. Your final grade in your last year is what universities use to decide if you get in. Basically, you have one year to really make it count. Grade 12 is the year to finally show off everything you've learned after your whole life at school. It's basically do or die, the hardest year of your life.

So, to begin this story, let me explain that I am good at English. Like, really good at English. I won awards and got accepted into state recognised programs for how good I am at English. It was the one subject I could guarantee to get an A in. So, naturally, I chose ATAR level English- I'd always wanted to get into some kind of English based university course. When I entered my grade 12 class I was greeted by my teacher, who we can call Mrs Slug, since she looked like a fat slimy slug. This was the kind of teacher that just handed out worksheets and sat behind her desk for the class and didn't actually teach. It was frustrating since this was my final year and I wanted my grades to be as good as possible, but I was confident in my ability to just pick it up on my own, so I didn't complain about it.

Then it came time for the first assessment. It was a creative writing piece, and short stories are my shit, so I wrote a short story. I followed the marking key carefully while also adding my own flare to the story to make it really entertaining and thought-provoking. The story was basically a dark romance told in first person, where the gender of the perspective character wasn't revealed until right at the end, thus revealing the couple to be gay. I specifically kept the main character's gender ambiguous until that point, since I wanted the reader to assume it was a girl then have a shock at the reveal. I contacted some of my friends from my high-level English programs and they all loved it. So I happily submitted it. I didn't think too much of it- I was interested to see how my ability held up in the highest level of school, but I wasn't expecting anything below a B. Then I got my result back.

Failed.

I couldn't believe it. I was genuinely confused. There were absolutely no marks on my paper, no red pen, no details as to why I failed, just a big fat 8/20 on the back of my paper. I was really upset, obviously, since I'd worked hard on it and it was the first time I'd failed an English assignment ever. I went to Mrs Slug and asked her what was wrong with it. She fluffed around and gave me an answer that essentially boiled down to, "I didn't like it." That was it. She had no reason to fail the story, she just didn't like it. News flash, that's not how marking creative writing works. If it'd been any other year, maybe I would've just blown it off and moved on, but this was grade 12. This failure could be the difference between getting into university and getting rejected.

So I went to the head of the English department at my school and requested a regrading. I didn't tell him that I'd failed it, just that I wanted more feedback. He gave it back to me as an 18/20. I then slammed my failing grade onto the desk and asked him to explain. Clearly, Mrs Slug stood by her grade, because instead of just changing my mark, they sent my writing to the top school in the state to get remarked again. It came back 19/20. Needless to say, my mark was changed to an A.

The next few assignments went relatively the same. Even when she passed me, I asked to be reassessed and my mark was always made higher than what she'd given me. Eventually, I complained enough times that they started rotating which teacher marked my work so no one could sabotage it. Even still, I always knew when Mrs Slug had been the one to mark it, because there was never any feedback on it, just a barely above average mark that eventually was changed to an A. I didn't get below 80% on any assignments for the entire year, and bare in mind, she hadn't taught anything in her class. I basically taught everyone myself and did the work at home so my peers also wanting to get into university had a shot (most of them did get in, can I add). I didn't understand why Mrs Slug didn't like my story (or me) until one day a discussion on politics came up in my class.

She's very, very right wing. A Donald Trump supporter. In Australia, that's super rare, since most of us think he's a dickhead. It suddenly hit me then. She didn't like my story because I'd done exactly what I'd wanted. She'd assumed the main character was a girl, then when it was revealed he was a guy and it was a gay relationship, she suddenly realised she'd happily been reading and enjoying a story about a gay couple. That must've infuriated her. She failed it for no reason other than her homophobia. After I realised that, I started to mess with her.

My first project was to test Donald Trump's persuasion tactics on her. My next oral presentation, I specifically used Donald Trump's speech style- the way he repeats words, over exaggerates, dehumanises, etc. I know she was the one who marked it (again, no feedback), but this time it was a 19/20. That was the highest mark she gave me all year. I couldn't believe it. The Donald had been right.

Next, I wrote a strongly worded, very opinionated article on how I was bisexual. This was the first time I'd touched LGBT topics since that first story, and I knew it would infuriate her. But she couldn't fail me at this point. It would look way too suspicious if a student who got 80%+ on assignments suddenly got less than 50%. I don't think I ever got the article back (I have a feeling it got passed around the English office so many times they just forgot) but I didn't care that much. I saw on my final report card it'd been 18/20. It must've made her angry, I hope, that she'd read my article and no doubt tried to fail it, but at this point, everyone was aware of her bullshit and prevented her from doing it. I got some dirty looks for the next few classes.

But there was one final straw that made me snap. See, my state holds a huge writing competition for high-schoolers every year. It's a massive deal, and people who win this competition often get sponsored or get scholarships based on it. Tens of thousands of entries get submitted. Obviously, I wanted to win it. Even getting shortlisted would do wonders for my uni application. Part of the school writing program meant that any short stories submitted over the year would automatically get entered in this competition, but I knew Mrs Slug would try and do me dirty. So I went to her directly, requesting to put in another version of the story I'd made with the feedback I'd gotten from the remarking. She told me, to my face, that she'd already submitted my story, so I couldn't change it. Fine. As long as it was submitted, I was happy.

I didn't get shortlisted. That hurt, a lot, since I'd really wanted it. But I figured the competition had been really good, so it was only fair. My little brother, however, got shortlisted for his year (he came in second), so I went to the awards ceremony with him.

Mrs Slug was there.

She looked shocked to see me. A little panicked, even. I was curious as to why she was there, but the answer revealed itself pretty quickly. One of the girls from my class had been shortlisted. Now listen, I'm not a bitter person. If someone genuinely writes better than me, I'm more than happy to accept that. But what I found awfully suspicious was that this particular girl had been given the highest mark in my class before I got reassessed. In other words, she had been Mrs Slug's favourite story. And her story had gotten 15/20. I know grades don't count for everything, and maybe my story had in fact been worse, but I was beginning to get a hunch as to what had happened.

As I said, I'm state recognised for my English ability, so I was able to get into contact with one of the people who had marked the competition. I asked, ever so innocently, if she'd read my story. She replied that she hadn't. I asked if she could check to see if any of the other markers had read it since it was a pretty distinctive story. The answer came back as I had feared. No one had read it.

Mrs Slug had lied through her teeth to my face. She hadn't submitted the story at all. She'd deliberately pulled it out of the submission pile because she was salty. This competition was a /huge/ deal to me- like I said, it would've been a massive part of my uni application. And she'd sabotaged it. She wanted me to fail.

I was fucking fuming at this point. Even today, I get angry thinking about it. I couldn't let this rest any longer. I was beyond pettiness. This was time for real revenge.

My parents both work in education, and my mum, in particular, was pretty high up in my area. She's also a bit of a tiger mum. When I told her what Mrs Slug had done, she was pissed. Like, so pissed. The idea that her kid might not go to uni because of a prejudiced teacher does not sit well with tiger mothers. She marched straight to the principal's office, and since he knew her, we were heard out almost immediately. I explained what happened, how I'd consistently been marked too lowly and my competition application had been removed without my knowledge. My mum was able to kick up a pretty big stink about it, ranting about how Mrs Slug shouldn't even be qualified to teach at all, let alone grade 12 ATAR English, and she needed to be removed immediately. The principal copped an earful, then the head of English did too. Both of them cowered in fear before the rage of my mother. There was nothing they could use to defend her, either- I had proof of the undermarking and the removal of my story application. Statements from my classmates confirmed she hadn't taught anything all year. It wasn't looking good for Mrs Slug.

She continued to sag behind her desk like a festering cancer for the last few weeks of the year, giving me stinky looks. I just quietly did my work, helping other people study for the final exam. I knew I'd done enough. In Australia, you can't just fire government workers, but you can move them. Sure enough, at the end of the year, she was relocated to the middle of fucking nowhere, to a school of fewer than 100 kids, where I hope she rots to this day. It's the closest you can get to being fired.

I got into university, by the way, and I'm now studying my English course. I should also mention that I got into the most competitive university in Australia, and I still get 80% and above in my short stories. That 40% she gave me was total bullshit, and I'm glad I made her suffer for it. No teacher should be able to get away with sabotaging their students like that, especially when it's their future on the line. I can only hope that the few students she teaches now don't have to experience the same thing.

TL;DR: my homophobic English teacher tried to fail me on my assignments, then sabotaged my chances in an important competition, so I got her essentially fired.

(source) story by (/u/millochi)

[purplesurveys]

842

have you ever violated school dress code? My Catholic school had us on a very tight leash and we’d have to be crazy to dare to break the dress code over there. My university doesn’t have a dress code though and anyone entering the campus can dress up any way they want, which I’ve always been grateful for. if you are listening to music, is the singer male/female? They are five dudes. what, if anything, do you give up for Lent? I never observed Lent; and as much of a religious fanatic my mother is, I’m glad she never forced me to fast or abstain from something I liked. what phrase leads your mind directly to the gutter? 69, even though it’s childish. when you feel like giving up, how do you convince yourself not to? I just tell myself that things will get better because that seems to be the pattern all the time with me, which is a really good thing.

what are your opinions on immigration? I don’t know much about the issues and its intricacies but as an Asian, I really admire fellow Asians who don’t speak a word of English, end up in the States or somewhere similar and build themselves a better life there. It’s fucking metal. would you tell an actual immigrant your views? Sure, if the topic is raised. what was the subject of the last list you made? There was a tweet asking people to list down which YouTubers practically ~raised them~ growing up, so I joined in the fun and gave my own names. If I remember correctly I listed down Pewdiepie, Smosh, Grace Helbig, Hannah Hart, and the entire Brit crew. do you ever get nervous before interviews/important meetings? Only if it’s supposed to be crucial. Like I imagine I’d be sweating bullets for my first job interview. who pays for the majority of your belongings? My parents. would you ever willingly shop in a thrift store? Of course. There are always some great finds in them. what is the most that you would ever spend on an outfit? Assuming I’m earning my own money, I’m willing to spend around ₱5000 to ₱10,000 on a top or bottom but I can widen my wallet a lot more if we’re talking shoes, because I like them more haha. is there anything you do that just outrages your parents? I know my mom hates it whenever she pulls us for online mass and I visibly grumble. I don’t know if my dad is annoyed with anything I do; and if he feels that way he’ll tell me. I respect him a lot more so if that’s the case, I’ll actually stop whatever it is I’m doing. when was the last time you were embarrassed in public? Probably when I was brought to the hospital a month ago and the nurse was explaining to me how to take a urine test.  have you ever won an award you were actually proud of? If Latin honors count, then yes. That was my only goal when I started college, and I reached it, so I’m allowing myself to be proud of, well, myself. the importance of education, rate it from 1-10, 10 as most important? 12. --- explain your choice to rate it as such? It’s different when you come from a third-world country. Education is realistically your only way out. what is the coolest science experiment you've ever done? I liked the ones that we did that involved chemicals and powders. are you experiencing difficulties with any friends right now? Not really. There’s a chance JM has been irritated with me because I always turn really grumpy when he messages me about work stuff, but if he is, at this point I don’t really care anymore because I’ve been detached from org work for a while now. I busted my ass for the org for three years so I think I’m entitled to feel detached now haha. how do you deal with a fight between yourself and a friend? I haven’t been in an argument with one of them in a while but I would prefer to talk it out. when you apologize to someone after a fight, how do you go about saying that you are sorry? I apologize and I mention the thing I did that they were hurt by, so that they feel acknowledged. In the end, I tell them that I’ll be better and if there’s anything I can do to make them feel better or to make the situation better, that they shouldn’t hesitate to let me know. have you ever played around with "dry ice"? No. Isn’t that dangerous lol? do you think parents are responsible for the actions of their children? For the most part, yes. But I know there are still some instances where parents can try and try to be understanding and be the best influences, but their kids will still end up going down the wrong path. There isn’t one answer to this, I think. should the military draft take both men AND women? why/why not? I don’t know, it’s a little complicated. I’m definitely all about equality and providing the same opportunities for men and women, but I know there’s a lot of issues on sexual harassment and assault in the military that have yet to be fixed. Until that’s ironed out and I hear change taking place, it seems a little shady to randomly pick out women to join the military.  when was the last time that you corrected someone? My mom had a grammatical error in her Facebook post from yesterday so I told her what the right word to use was. when was the last time you were corrected? I set the table for breakfast today and apparently it wasn’t enough for my mom, who liked her plate to be set in a certain way. when did you last say "i told you so"? Maybe when Kate told me she had broken up with the guy she was having a thing with, lol. is there any celebrity you like to "keep up with"? Not really. I think I’m over that phase now. I’ll check up my faves from time to time, but otherwise I don’t feel the need to read daily updates on them anymore. celebrity gossip: YAY or BOO? Yay if it has substance or if it’s controversial, like a celebrity being exposed for sexual harassment; boo if it’s something stupid like “Kendall Jenner spotted eating pasta today.” what is the most life-changing book you have read? I haven’t encountered it yet. have you had a negative impact on anyone's life? I would say so. I wasn’t always the nicest kid; and I also did a shitty job handling my friendship with Sofie when we were off to college. has anyone had a negative impact on yours? who/why? Yeah. Some relatives, some teachers who didn’t know how to act like teachers, and some people I distinctly remember that bullied me when I was a kid. how will you know when you are ready to get married? I guess when I’m no longer nervous thinking about it and when I’m already 100% sure that I’m independent and capable of looking out for myself. I don’t wanna be married and still be slightly dependent on my parents, which is what a lot of young Filipino married couples end up doing. how much time have you spent contemplating your own death? A very, very good amount. is there a joke that you just can't stand? Ones that you just can’t defend and are just simply offensive, like slavery or poverty. I’ve seen a few shows where they’d refer to the Philippines being poor or being a source of child labor for laughs, and they’ve never been funny to me. have you ever read any self-help books? No, I don’t really trust those lol since they’re usually written by people from other countries who most likely have different experiences and perspectives. If I need some help I’d rather figure it out myself and hear from people that I trust, like my friends. what's your take on the obesity problem in america? It’s a serious problem, obviously. I don’t know much about it other than the fact that Americans are crazy about their fast food and that their serving sizes are ginormous. I really hope they find more ways to address it. what is something you used to love, but now greatly dislike? Journalism. what is something you used to dislike, but now like? Chicken curry, and I think spicy food in general haha. when/if you become a parent, what will you do differently, compared to how your parents raised you? I’ll be more involved. I’ll compliment them more, not invalidate their feelings, and I’ll let them talk when I do something that upsets them, and I’ll apologize to them for it.

do you equate spanking with physical abuse? would you spank a child? The way Filipino parents do it, yeah especially. They don’t just do it with their hands - spanking kids here usually involve slippers and belts. My mom forbade anyone to spank me and my siblings, but nonetheless I watched it happen to my cousins and that alone was traumatic enough for me. How much more for them?

The thing is that it can’t be assumed that kids are able to process why they’re being punished, so I think that any physical punishment to them will just drive them away from their parents, which to me makes it physical abuse. I would never spank my own kids. what's the most ridiculous thing you've done this week? Skipping out the rest of my shower because a moth came into the bathroom and started flying around me lmaoooo eugh. --- did you regret it/love it/hate it/want to do it again/etc? I fucking hated it. if your bf/gf wanted to wait until marriage for sex, would you be willing? Yes. Sex honestly isn’t really a big deal to me. when you look at the sunset, what do you think about/feel? I don’t really think when I look at the sunset. I just admire how pretty it looks and savor the quick few seconds of the sun going down. is there someone you wish you could trust/you wish was trustworthy? No? I don’t wait on people to be trustworthy, if that’s what you mean. I’m grateful for the people who are already around me that I can trust. is there anyone that you no longer want in you life? who/why? There are times I wish I could get rid of my mom so that I don’t get yelled at as much anymore and so that I don’t have anyone watching my every move so much so that I’m cautious to walk around in my own house.

how has your outlook on life changed in the past few years? I’m a lot happier and more stable this time around. I’m glad I stayed around to see the change happen. have you ever walked out of a boring movie (in theaters)? Absolutely not. Even if the movie was bad, I’d watch it through the end. Ticket prices are not to be fucked with lol. how open are you with people you know online? ...What do you think? what do you think of athletes that take steroids? Idk about other sports but that’s a big fuck no in wrestling, after it’s led to addiction, overdoses, and a lot of deaths especially in the 80s and 90s. if a celebrity is involved in scandal after scandal, is that likely to affect how you view him/her & his/her work? Depends on the scandal. I don’t mind when nudes or videos get leaked because honestly, the leakers are the assholes in that situation. But if the scandal is something like people speaking out to accuse a celebrity of racism, abuse, or harassment, then I can very much turn against that person. what is one celebrity that you have zero respect for? Amber Heard. have you ever driven under the influence of alcohol/drugs? Just slightly tipsy, but I’ve always made sure that I’m super super super aware of my surroundings in those times. I won’t drive – and I know my friends won’t allow me to – if I was even just a little dizzy. I’m always the first to start sobering up when I go out to drink because I’m usually the only one with a car and thus responsible for bringing my friends home. are you overly attached to your material possessions? For the most part, yeah. have you ever ridiculed anyone for their clothing choices? Not to their faces. living in poverty: what do you think it'd be like? I already live in a country wallowing in it. My family isn’t poor, but I see poverty on a daily basis nonetheless. No documentary or article can best explain it to anyone who has never lived in a poverty-stricken country. Pretty insensitive question btw. what is one "diet" that you think is just utterly worthless? I’m not familiar with any of them. what advice would you give someone that is uncomfortable with his or her body/appearance? I prefer not to give advice because some people don’t wanna hear it and just wanna hear reassurances and boosters. That said, I’ll just keep encouraging them and telling them that they look really good in their outfit and just making them feel valid and seen. what advice would you give someone about to start high school? Don’t be scared to make mistakes and while you should always study hard and do your best, don’t take everything seriously. It’s high school and won’t matter on your professional resume.   what foreign food are you NOT interested in trying? Uhhhh this question makes no sense to me ahahaha I’m always down to try anything. what foreign country do you believe is misunderstood? I can’t speak for other countries but I know mine is pretty misunderstood. I’ve read countless testimonies of Filipinos getting condescendingly told “You speak good English for a Filipino” by white Americans, not knowing that their country conquered mine for 40ish years. That’s just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to misconceptons about my country and its people.    have you ever felt entirely unwanted and alone? Of course. in your eyes, which is worse: rape or murder? Both are equally bad and disgusting but I’ll have to go with rape, because 1) the victim has to live with the trauma and fear for the rest of their life, 2) victims are usually too scared to speak out for fear of being judged or not being believed, and 3) victim-blaming is still a big problem today. do you understand/read shakespeare? No. When we took up Shakespeare in high school I bought the No Fear versions. would you feel comfortable living with someone that owned a gun? No. do you know anyone that lives in a foreign country? Tons.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #249

“every wall that i knock down is just a wall that i’ll replace.”

Has anyone done anything nice for you today? Nothing in particular. The last time you hung out with your sibling(s), what did you do? We visited our mom in the hospital. Fun. Have you ever been so lonely, you cried? Oh, plenty of times. Have you ever given homeless people money? No, not that I've ever really had money to give. Do you usually bring or buy a lunch for school? I absolutely never buy from the cafe, I'll tell you that much. The price is fucking ridiculous; it's a standard number regardless of how little or how much you eat. Fucking $8 or so for a goddamn hot dog or something. I always either pack something or Mom and I drive over to McDonald's. Does it bug you when you want something done, and it doesn’t get done? Ugh, yes. Have you ever tried so hard to save up for something, but it was too hard? I don’t think so, no. I've rarely been in a position where I'm saving up for something because I rarely have any money on me. The last time you had sex, was it in their bed or yours? Hell if I remember. What was the last pill you took? One of my morning meds for my mood. If you were to have sex right now, would you use a condom? Yes. What’s your sexuality? Have you ever questioned it? How old were you when you figured out you were definitely straight, or bi, or whatever? I'm bi, though I grew up believing I was straight. I became definitely sure in '17. Do you fit in at work or in school? I don't care enough to think about this. Were you ever a fan of macaroni & cheese? Do you like Kraft dinner? BITCH yes that's my shit. Is there a laundry basket in your room? If yes, what color is it? Not currently, but all of ours are white. Have you ever read a book all the way through in one day? Not like, a big book. What would you do if you found out your last ex is engaged? Be very confused. Do you get along with your significant other’s family? N/A, but for anyone I've ever been with where I knew the family, we got along fine. Have you ever gone horseback riding? Where? Not really, just at like, fairs. Have you ever cried at a real wedding? Yes, but it was due to PTSD more than anything else. Who was the last person to be on a bed with you? Well I sat with Mom on her hospital bed. What were you afraid of the most when you were a kid? Thunderstorms or being separated from Mom. Depends on the age. Do you know how it feels to be cheated on? No. Do you have feelings for someone right now? How strong are those feelings? And does that person have feelings for you, too? Yes; "controlled" is the best way to put it ig; and idk. Who’s the last person that told you they loved you? My mom. Where was your Facebook default picture taken? The living room. What’s your brother(s)/sister(s) names? Misty, Katie, Bobby, Ashley, and Nicole. Do you like to cuddle? Yeah, if I like and am comfortable with that person. Are you currently reading a book? Yeah, amazingly. What’s on your mind? Way too goddamn much. Does any part on your body hurt? Not right now. Do you have nightmares a lot? I have nightmares/terrors on an almost nightly basis (I wish I was exaggerating) by now and it's fucking old. Who was the last person you texted? Sara. Think a lot before you fall asleep? It consistently takes me at least 20+ minutes to go to sleep because my brain doesn't shut up. What’s your favorite thing to have on your bed? MY CAT Where did you get the shirt you are wearing? Probaby like Wal-Mart. It's just a tank top. Last people you went to the mall with? Uhhhhh my mom and my sister I think. Are there any stressful situations in your life? Mom's cancer diagnosis is going to be my end in the stress department. Do you go to the bathroom with the door open or closed? Depends on where I am/who else is present. Where did you get your last bruise/cut from? Roman was playing a bit too rough with my hand. Did you cry at all today? No. Who was the last person you hugged? Mom. What is the last gift someone got you? A gift card to either Dairy Queen or Sonic, can't remember which. Is anyone on your bad side right now? No. Did you have a dream last night? A nightmare where I woke up crying/screaming that I physically couldn't kill myself for some reason I don't remember. And I remember Jesus was in there somewhere. Bro idk but it made my throat hurt like a bitch. Ready for kids? NOOOOOOOOOO and I assure you I never will be. What’s one thing you do when you’re mad? Cry, easily. Do you like where you live? No, fuck this house. Like, we *need* to move. How often do you lose your voice? Extremely rarely. I have to be sick as hell. Are you a good babysitter? I don't think so. How’s your mood? Sad, pretty lifeless. Do you have a job? No. Ever thrown up in a car? No. Is anyone over protective over you? *Over*protective, no. Have you ever violated school dress code? In high school, apparently, because I got in trouble for a shirt once that I'd worn many many times before that never caused trouble until then. If you are listening to music, is the singer male/female? Male. What (if anything) do you give up for Lent? I don't take part in Lent. I did sometimes as a Catholic kid though, but it never lasted. When you feel like giving up, how do you convince yourself not to? Like, on life? It's always the belief that I have one shot at this and can't let a few bad passing moments decide to cut it short. What was the subject of the last list you made? Grocery list that Mom wanted my input on. Do you ever get nervous before interviews / important meetings? Oh hell yes I do. Who pays for the majority of your belongings? Hi, I'm Brittany, I'm 24, and my parents pay for absolutely everything because I'm one hell of an excuse for an adult. Would you ever willingly shop in a thrift store? Dude, I love thrift shops. You can find the coolest shit. What is the most that you would ever spend on an outfit? I don't have a clue. I don't shop and never have shopped for clothes nearly frequently enough to gauge here. Is there anything you do that just outrages your parents? Mom hates when I curse excessively when I'm seriously upset. When was the last time you were embarrassed in public? How the actual fuck am I blanking here. I'm always embarrassed. I can blink "wrong" and be humiliated. Have you ever won an award you were actually proud of? Yeah, a few. What is the coolest science experiment you’ve ever done? Well, it wasn't an "experiment" per se, but dissecting a frog in the 7th grade was dope. Are you experiencing difficulties with any friends right now? No. When you apologize to someone after a fight, how do you go about saying that you are sorry? By saying sorry??? Not trying to be a smart ass, just... say sorry. I do absolutely ensure I'm sincere and do all I can for me to come across as such, but yeah. Have you ever played around with “dry ice”? No. Do you think parents are responsible for the actions of their children? To a degree. When was the last time that you corrected someone? I don’t know. When was the last time you were corrected? ^ Is there any celebrity you like to “keep up with”? There's a couple. Celebrity gossip: YAY or BOO? Ugh. Now the gossip part with celebs, I just don't care. What is the most life-changing book you have read? Johnny Got His Gun by Dalton Trumbo. Have you had a negative impact on anyone’s life? Probably. Has anyone had a negative impact on yours? Who/why? Yes, let's not linger on it. What does marriage mean to you, specifically? My feelings towards marriage have evolved semi-recently. It was once the "happily ever after" portion of a relationship, the goal to me, but now, it's really just a wise (to some, of course) financial option for a strong, stable, tested relationship that you intend to be permanent. Like, it's a piece of paper, congrats. I'll admit my mind still somewhat sees it as a desirable milestone, but I know that's simply the works of societal conditioning. How will you know when you are ready to get married? I don't know. This actually brings to my attention that I've pondered if I'll ever *confidently* know after Jason. I really don't know. How much time have you spent contemplating your own death? I mean, not a hell of a lot, but I'm sure more than the normal person. Is there a joke that you just can’t stand? I really hate any joke that's rooted in discrimination, or is just purely hateful. Have you ever read any self-help books? No, though I've contemplated them a bit. What is something you used to love, but now greatly dislike? Country music, oh boy. What is something you used to dislike, but now like? Hmmm. Lol first thing that comes to mind is mashed potatoes, I guess. Thanks, Sara's Mom. When (if) you become a parent, what will you do differently, compared to how your parents raised you? I'm never going to be a parent. Do you equate spanking with physical abuse? Would you spank a child? I can't say I exactly equate them, no, but I absolutely disagree with it. You do not teach children through fear and pain. If your bf/gf wanted to wait until marriage for sex, would you be willing? Yeah. Is there someone you wish you could trust/you wish was trustworthy? Yes. Is there anyone that you no longer want in you life? Who/why? No one that plays a big role in my life, no. At least not off the top of my head. How has your outlook on life changed in the past few years? I've strayed further from my fairy-tale outlook of it every year for the past few. Some can call it a much more negative view, but it's realism, baby. It doesn't depress me, even though I'm sure some may see it as such. I'm more accepting to fact and less preoccupied with "it'd be nice if..."s, things like that. Have you ever walked out of a boring movie (in theaters)? No. How open are you with people you know online? Depends on the person and location something is being shared. If a celebrity is involved in scandal after scandal, is that likely to affect how you view him/her & his/her work? Of course. What is one celebrity that you have zero respect for? Man, I don't pay enough attention to this or know all "the facts" or whatever. What is one fashion trend that you hope makes a comeback? It's the Rawring 20s motherfuckers LOOK the scene style is fucking adorable let's bring that shit BACK. What is one that you wish would just die out already? Idc. Have you ever driven under the influence of alcohol/drugs? Hell no. Are you overly attached to your material possessions? Some. Have you ever ridiculed anyone for their clothing choices? I'm sure I have when I was younger, but never aloud, I'd hope. Now, I seriously don't care what you wear. Living in poverty: what do you think it’d be like? I literally am riding on the poverty line and shit's bad enough, so I don't care to find out what it's like any lower. What is one “diet” that you think is just utterly worthless? The keto diet used to seriously appeal to me, but now I totally don't get it. You're GOING to gain weight back as you switch to a regular diet again. Not just that though, keto is extremely unhealthy to the body. It's tempting because yes, it has drastic results, but it's an awful choice. What advice would you give someone that is uncomfortable with his or her body/appearance? Oh hunny me too so don't ask me. What advice would you give someone about to start high school? Don't put too much weight on the people you're involved with. Don't let your world revolve around them. "They're" right when they say half those people won't mean shit later. What foreign food are you NOT interested in trying? Honestly? I'm not educated enough on cuisines to know. I have no clue what most entail. What foreign country do you believe is misunderstood? "I’m sure they all are." <<<< Do you understand/read Shakespeare? We read some stuff in school, and for the most part, I understood it. It's not something I'd go out of my way to read now. Would you feel more comfortable living with someone that owned a gun? I don't know for sure, but actually, probably no, BUT that's only because I don't trust my impulsive ass with her suicidal history. Otherwise, I'd feel safer with a gun. Have you ever had a make-over? Not a serious one. What’s the longest time you’ve stayed out of the country? Where? I've never left the country. Name one thing you’re grateful for today. My mom being here. What is your favorite high school memory? Long bus rides home with Jason. What is the most insane thing you’ve done to/for your crush that (s)he might not/might know about? Take a plane multiple times by myself and endure airports when my muscle atrophy was at its worse probably, lmao. Name three teachers you liked in high school. Coach Collie, Mrs. Cruz, Mrs. Williams... man, I could go on for a long time. I had great teachers. Who is your best friend? Sara. What’s your favorite song right now? Probably "Hunting Grounds" by In This Moment ft. Joe Cotela. Write a line from any song. My favorite lyric from the song that's playing right now is "I fell asleep at the wheel again, crashed my car just to feel again" bc some part of me feels that shit. Do you know at least one Disney song by heart? Which one? Oh, I'm sure there's a lot, "The Circle of Life" to name just one. All TLK ones really, lol. Would you rather be a hobbit, an elf, or a dwarf? E L F What are the first five things you would splurge on if you were a billionaire? Help Mom monetarily, and then like... I'd have to fight from blowing ALL of it on tattoos lmao. Do you blow dry your hair or do you let it air out? I just let it dry naturally after using a towel. Do you blush when you receive compliments? I think so. Depends, though. Candles or incense? Incenseeeeee. Can you juggle? No. Reason behind the last time you laughed until you cried? I don't remember. Are you one who brags a lot? No. Something you love to eat or drink at the fair? I don't know any typical "fair foods" I actually like. Your favorite vegetable? Broccoli. Are you confrontational? I'm the polar opposite. I will do anything to avoid confrontation. Have you ever caught yourself talking in your sleep? That's another nightly thing now. Do you catch lizards? No, leave wild animals be. Do you like pretzels? Yeah, preferably soft ones.

[racingtoaredlight]

THE DEGENERATE’S GUIDE TO COLLEGE FOOTBALL TV WATCH ‘EM UPS 2021: WEEK THREE: THE END OF THE BEGINNING OF THE END

We’re still really in the early middle of the year. Sure, Oregon looked powerful against Ohio State but it’s possible Ohio State just hasn’t found it’s footing yet and the Ducks just peaked. Shit happens like that every year, more or less. You can pretty much count on Bama to win 10 and not much else. That only applies to football. The continued stratification of social classes, the accelerating collapse of natural systems that support human life, the complete lack of representation the average American in our freedom loving democracy- you can count on those things. Football is different, though: wilder but more ordered while somehow being better and stupider than real life all at the same time. It’ll be fun to all more or less die together, I think. So let’s get to the games!

I forget the business reason for having more major OOC games that actually stay on the schedule but we’re reaping the rewards for now. You know the rules: eastern times, average vegas odds at the time of writing, prediction abilities are bad on a good day, there’s supposed to be a weekly RTARLsman post but I haven’t done a real one in about 21 months, formatting errors up to and including listing the teams incorrectly aren’t worth pointing out because nobody’s coming to fix them anyway. I don’t expect professionalism out of you so don’t ask it out of me.

Saturday, September 18

Matchup                      Time (ET)        TV/Mobile

NIU at 25 Michigan     12:00pm            BTN

It’s easy to say Michigan is due for a self-inflicted dick kick the trick is to predict ahead of time when exactly the embarrassing, season-unraveling loss will come. I don’t think it’s today but I also don’t have a lot of faith in Michigan to cover a 27-point spread.

UAlbany at Syracuse     12:00pm        ACCN

I find it hard to believe Albany’s football program is in such disrepair that they don’t even warrant a line against Syracuse. I think we’ve had five 1AA-over 1A upsets so far this season. I couldn’t possibly watch this game but I’ll keep an eye out for it on the ticker. Syracuse is bad enough to lose anywhere to anybody.

  Tennessee Tech at Tennessee   12:00pm    ESPN+/SECN+

I should probably find a site that lists the good games at the top of each time slot instead of this free for all.

Western Michigan at Pitt     12:00pm    RSN/ESPN3

Pitt has actually looked pretty good so far but they don’t have an AP ranking yet. I can’t say much for this matchup so I just assume the Panthers cover the -14.5 and get a little number next to their name next week.

15 Virginia Tech at West Virginia     12:00pm    FS1

This is actually of some interest to me. Virginia Tech is ranked 15 on account of beating UNC but it’s not hard to imagine that neither the Hokies nor the Heels are actually worthy of a ranking. WFV is favored at home but still might trigger some couch burning and “upset” talk with a win. The Mountaineers are this week’s new collection from Homefield Apparel so expect some magic!

Boston College at Temple        12:00pm     ESPNU

Old Big East rivalry game. Nobody can look away.

Chattanooga at Kentucky         12:00pm     ESPN+/SECN+

I thought Chattanooga had moved up to 1A but there’s no line listed for this game so I guess not.

8 Cincinnati at Indiana           12:00pm            ESPN

Indiana was good last year and maybe that was just a once-in-a-generation fluke but I’ve still got visions of the Hoosiers toppling Cincy and ruining their theoretically possible playoff run. I’m assuming the Bearcats won’t play anybody else better than IU this year but that’s just a guess backed by historical precedent which isn’t a thing you should really use to gamble on college football.

16 Coastal Carolina at Buffalo    12:00pm      ESPN2

Chanticleers vs. Bulls, the eternal struggle writ in football. I don’t think the CSUNY school is particularly good this year but Coastal being favorited by 14 points in an early kickoff road games still feels like a trap to this sharp.

Michigan State at 24 Miami (FL)     12:00pm    ABC

Surprisingly to me, this is the fifth all-time meeting of these two schools. Just as surprising to me, Miami has never before lost to Michigan State. Weird but makes sense if you think about it, this will be the fourth out of five matchups played in Miami. As near as I can tell, Sparty tried to use the Canes the same way Notre Dame used to as an in-season bowl game but bailed on the idea when they kept losing. To be fair, Sparty’s record in bowl games isn’t that much better than their 0-4 against Miami. The last time these two met was 1989 when Percy Snow was on his way to the Butkus Award and Miami was on their way to a third National Championship. The Hurricanes team was pretty well-stacked but is probably the least remembered of their title teams. It did feature future Hall of Famer Cortez Kennedy and a freshman OL that would go on to be September 2021′s hottest head coach in cfb, Mario Cristobal. This year’s Miami roster might look good in 30 years but right now they’re a little messy. D’Eriq King is only 8 months removed from ACL surgery (if you watch the game you will hear about this several hundred time) and has so far looked bad on his throws and a touch slower than he has in the past. Which makes sense given the timeframe but does not generally bode well for Miami’s prospects for this season.

Nebraska at 3 Oklahoma         12:00pm         FOX

If Oklahoma is a real title contender they are gonna lay Nebraska the fuck out. I’m scared of the 22.5-point line just because I don’t think the Sooners defense could stop Bishop Sycamore but it’s not crazy to think Nebraska can saw their own dicks off to the tune of a four-score loss.

New Mexico at 7 Texas A&M     12:00pm       SECN

Fuck. Jimbo must be stopped. I hate this Aggies team. UNM isn’t the team to do it but somebody along the way has to throttle aTm or this season is going to become a plague the likes of which we haven’t seen since... well, now, I guess.

UConn at Army                 12:00pm         CBSSN

Reading this matchup aloud five times in a mirror will kill college football.

Southeast Missouri at Missouri      12:00pm       ESPN+/SECN+

The southeastern part of the state will travel to within the bounds of the state for a classic football game somewhere within the borders of the state.

Minnesota at Colorado            1:00pm         P12N

I’m not completely disinterested. It’s weird and doesn’t have any national impact. Not much more you can ask for in a game you probably can’t find on your TV.

Nevada at Kansas State          2:05pm          ESPN+

Hell yeah, this is trash. Nevada is a road favorite! Take KState all the way.

Purdue at 12 Notre Dame         2:30pm          NBC

Notre Dame has looked a little bit of a mess so far but they’ve won both of their games. Not the worst position to be in. Purdue has also won both of their games. I don’t want to get my hopes up just yet but it seems like the Irish are riding the razor’s edge just asking to be pushed off. Keep an eye on this score, maybe the good people of the world will have something to celebrate in the late afternoon/early evening.

Kent State at 5 Iowa                 3:30pm         BTN

Iowa’s fifth? It’s too fucking early for this shit.

Florida State at Wake Forest     3:30pm         ESPN

0-2 Florida State goes on the road as a 4-point underdog to face 2-0 Wake Forest. Mike Norvell is really out on a plank right now and I am not sure he can safely find his way back to the deck.

Georgia Tech at 6 Clemson        3:30pm          ABC

Clemson’s got talent all over and Georgia Tech sucks but I’m still not sold on DJ Uigalelei as an NFL savior type of player. Or a national championship winner for that matter. He reminds me of EJ Manuel.

Baylor at Kansas                    3:30pm             ESPN+

Baylor is not good but the betting public is getting hip to the “bet against Kansas every chance you get” strategy so the line has jumped four points already this week and I wouldn’t be surprised if it makes it another couple before kickoff to get to 20+. Which is still probably too kind to the Jayhawks.

1 Alabama at 11 Florida           3:30pm           CBS

Bama has only had a couple of practice games against lower division opponents but they look as complete as any team I can remember from a talent/scheme perspective. This is a pretty good test and the 15-point line seems a little over-confident on the road in the Swamp. If the Bammers really do overwhelm the Gators then you can pretty much start planning on their return to the CFB Playoffs.

Tulsa at 9 Ohio State                3:30pm            FS1

Every week of every year I struggle to keep Tulsa and Toledo straight. Toledo is the one that almost beat Notre Dame last week. Tulsa is the one that lost to UC-Davis in week 1. Ohio State may be troubled on defense but that only matters against other top-tier teams. Having the line moving in Tulsa’s direction is absolute lunacy. If the Buckeyes can’t cover 25 points then they’re in real trouble. For now my guess is that Oregon is just better than we realized and OSU is going to be fine.

SMU at Louisiana Tech             3:30pm         CBSSN

This is my kind of counter-programming if nothing else is close. Not sure if there are some ponies down to have points shifting towards the Karl Malones but I think SMU is up to a two-score win.

LIU at Miami (Ohio)                    3:30pm          ESPN+

Sure, whatever you say.

USC at Washington State         3:30pm            FOX

At first I thought this was USC-UW and I was ready to emotionally invest in the drama but it’s just Wazzou. USC giving up on a playoff spot in week two to sit around and wait for Urban Meyer is going to be fucking hilarious when the Trojans end up getting jilted at the altar.

Idaho at Oregon State                3:30pm           P12N Oregon

Pac-12 Network Oregon. This implies the existence of a P12N Washington. I’ve seen the main network on TV before. It was fine if a little bit too “featuring Matt Leinart” for my tastes but seeing the weird way they’ve splintered their content is giving me a deeper understanding of west coast football fans that absolutely hate the Pac-12 Network.

Bryant at Akron                           3:30pm           ESPN3

Tune in to see some guy named Bryant touring around Akron.

Elon at Appalachian State          3:30pm           ESPN+

I hope App State runs this grifter out of their campus on a rail. The more bad stuff happens to Elon Musk the better off all of humanity will be.

Delaware at Rutgers                   3:30pm             BTN

Fuck me, this is just all the pain in the world masquerading as a sporting event.

Eastern Michigan at UMass         3:30pm          FloFootball/NESN+

I don’t have much interest in this game but seeing that it’s available on the Nintendo Entertainment System Network is intriguing.

Colorado State at Toledo              4:00pm           ESPNU

Toledo blew a huge opportunity last week so they’re ripe for a letdown but all signs point to Colorado State being incredibly bad at football this year.

Sacramento State at California    4:00pm          P12N Bay Area

P12N Bay Area probably reaches cable subscribers in like Vallejo and nowhere else in the entire world. When I put it that way it seems like exactly where this game belongs but it’s still not a thing that should exist. I mean the network but it’s true for the game also.

Northwestern at Duke              4:00pm              ACCN

Disgusting.

Mississippi State at Memphis        4:00pm          ESPN2

I think Memphis can knock down the SEC’s middle tier but I haven’t gotten a clear idea of either of these teams yet.

Georgia Southern at 20 Arkansas       4:00pm      SECN

Arkansas rose up last week because of the weird insistence by Lice Dad that playing a middling Texas team was the biggest game in school history. Arkansas has played in the SEC CG more than once. They’ve won a national championship. How does a guy that’s paid to be an SEC homer even make such a dumb statement and keep his job?

Ball State at Wyoming                  4:00pm             Stadium

I watched the CFB 150 episode about the Black 14 this week so now it’s all I can think about for Wyoming football.

Arkansas State at Washington       4:15pm            P12N

What the hell happened to UDub to fall back to this lowly spot? Did Chris Peterson just fall on his ass in recruiting?

Murray State at Bowling Green       5:00pm           ESPN3

This sounds like a sixties movie title for a spy agency thriller that could be mistaken for a comedy when not viewed through a then-contemporary lens.

East Carolina at Marshall                 6:00pm         Facebook

ECU is looking like a doormat and Marshall might be really good again but I would never in good conscience ever contribute to facebook’s good fortunes wittingly.

Fordham at Florida Atlantic             6:00pm             ESPN3

I want to love this game but I actually hate it.

Old Dominion at Liberty                    6:00pm           ESPN3

There is going to be so much COVID passed around this stadium.

Middle Tennessee at UTSA                6:00pm          ESPN+

Beautiful, horrible, unwatchable mess. This is where you go to feel like you are alone in the universe.

Troy at Southern Miss                        7:00pm             ESPN+

There’s also this.

Grambling State at Houston               7:00pm             ESPN+

And this one.

Utah at San Diego State                      7:00pm            CBSSN

This is real entertainment. Twitter will be all over the next listing so I’ll be FOMO’d into watching that for a while but SDSU-Utah on CBS SN might be where I first dreamt up the concept of degenerate football. It was either that or a UFL game featuring a QB duel between Daunte Culpepper and Jeff Garcia.

South Carolina at 2 Georgia               7:00pm             ESPN

I’m waiting for Georgia to bumble. I’m counting on it. Georgia-Clemson was a classic early season game that somehow helps both teams in the rankings all year but ends up actually being a showcase of how shitty their offense are rather than a referendum on great defense.

UIW at Texas State                             7:00pm              ESPN3

I think UIW is a union trade school or something. So I guess I’m rooting for them.

Charlotte at Georgia State                 7:00pm              ESPN+

Charlotte’s semester in Atlanta would shape her life in ways that nobody could have envisioned when she left her family’s home in the late summer following her failed attempt to run a bakeshop.

FIU at Texas Tech                              7:00pm             ESPN+

Maybe I actually hate college football.

Florida A&M at USF                           7:00pm             ESPN+

USF could lose this. Worth checking on if you see an upset alert.

Furman at NC State                          7:30pm            RSN/ESPN3

Body bag game.

Utah State at Air Force                     7:30pm             FS2

Kind of neat degenerate game but, depending on the uniform choices, could be a bit monotone and tough to follow.

Virginia at 21 North Carolina             7:30pm             ACCN

The South’s Oldest Rivalry! Like most of the previous 125 meetings of these two school’s, this year’s game will mainly decide who sucks worse. Of course in the ACC Coastal being slightly less bad than your opponents is the winningest strategy of all. Go Hoos!

Stony Brook at 4 Oregon                   7:30pm            P12N

Great scheduling to follow up an emotional game with a body bag. I’m not being facetious, this is right where you need these games.

UAB at North Texas                          7:30pm           Stadium

Not gonna open an app or whatever to watch this but I bet it’s fun for off-brand college football.

Central Michigan at LSU                  7:30pm             SECN

LSU at home at night is supposed to be the best atmosphere in college football. Way better than a 19.5-point line against Central Michigan. What stage of LSU’s life cycle are we in right now?

22 Auburn at 10 Penn State               7:30pm            ABC

War goddamn Eagle, baby. Penn State is doing that stupid white out thing which, correct if I’m wrong again, only goes for the people in the stands. So they’ll all be dressed up in pretty much Auburn’s road colors to watch Auburn. I hate Auburn but I really hate Penn State.

Alcorn State at South Alabama          8:00pm           ESPN3

Things are looking rough for the rest of the docket.

Rice at Texas                                      8:00pm            LHN

A battle of equals.

Stanford at Vanderbilt                        8:00pm           ESPNU

Look at this American aristocracy horse shit. Fuck these schools and the teams of horses that carried them in.

Tulane at 17 Mississippi                      8:00pm              ESPN2

The racist south may just have the nation’s best QB. It’s a good year for Matt Corral to show off his arm strength because 2022 is not looking like a bumper crop of QB draftees at this far off date. He’s small for the position but Kyler Murray, Baker Mayfield and Russell Wilson are all smaller. If the arm talent is real he could go #1 overall.

Jackson State at ULM                         8:00pm              ESPN3

Nope.

SC State at New Mexico State            8:00pm           FloFootball / CW El Paso

Sorry.

Oklahoma State at Boise State              9:00pm          FS1

Whoa whoa whoa. This is uniform heaven. And on the blue turf? Your eyes will burn. Embrace that feeling.

Northern Arizona at Arizona                  10:00pm          P12N AZ

P12N AZ. Holy shit. What the hell were these people thinking? This has to be the smallest demo ever targeted by a network.

19 Arizona State at 23 BYU                     10:15pm          ESPN

Seeing these teams face off as ranked opponents is very weird. Real late 80s vibe here. It’s titillating in its way. Might not even be the most fun game in the late night region.

14 Iowa State at UNLV                           10:30pm           CBSSN

UNLV is an absolute wasteland of a program. It’s kind of stupid, really. They aren’t in an unsellable spot and they don’t play the most rugged schedule but year after year after year they lose 9 or more games. Makes more sense than not having a good baseball program but there should be some G5 magic in Vegas. Iowa State is going to roll.

Fresno State at 13 UCLA                       10:45pm            P12N

Chip Kelly having UCLA as the premier program in L.A. is something I couldn’t have seen coming just last week but we’re there now. And Fresno State plays some wild offense that could/should make this the late night hangout spot. If you can find it. If you have this channel. That shouldn’t be a question! Fuckin’ a, Pac-12, what are you doing?

San Jose State at Hawaii                      12:30am            FS1

Technically a Sunday game but I cut the header because if you’re watching this there is an implicit understanding that it’s still Saturday. Not sure what’s going on with the kick time, though. I was under the impression that Hawaii games had to kick off by 11:59pm Eastern to count with the rest of the week’s games. Very odd. That’s really all I have to say about this game.

[henclair]

hhhhey could you do dustin/lucas hcs? just in general bc the bois

ohhh boy i love the bois

-They get together because all their friends are dating each other

-Mike and Will are dating and Max and El are dating so Dustin and Lucas feel really annoyed with all the PDA so they start making out like Bros do

-Spoiler alert: It’s Not Just Bro Things

-They find out it’s not just Bro Things when they’re fighting and Lucas says “Goddamnit why do I have to be in love with you?”

-Dustin starts laughing so hard he cries and then he pulls Lucas back down to wrestle with him

-They talk it out with their friends present bc like any dumb teenagers Dustin doesn’t respond to how Lucas loves him so they don’t rlly talk let alone make out for a few days and Max is done™

-Dustin “well shit does this mean we’re dating?” Henderson

-Lucas “I hate that i’m in love with you dumbass” Sinclair

-All their dates are to the arcade, like literally all of them

-2 player games? All the time now

-Dustin cheats like a mf when they’re playing together, he tickles and kisses and shoves Lucas

-“It’s to establish dominance in the relationship Lucas!”

-“Oh I’ll show you dominance!”

-Lucas gets a job at the arcade once they’re old enough and then he can edit the high scores so when he and Dustin fight he puts himself on the high score for all the games

-Dustin worked there for a day but he got fired because he was constantly challenging kids to play and he would charge them wayyyy extra if he lost, so he never did his work

-Dustin calls Lucas “Lando” as a (nerdy) pet name

-Lucas has no nickname for Dustin besides “Dumbass” and “Dipshit”

-Lucas’s little sister catches them kissing literally all the fucking time

-“So this is the real reason why you don’t hang out with girls, huh Lucas.” “Do your homework and leave us alone.”

-They never go to the snowball together because it’s too coupley but they do go to school science fair award dinners when they win

-Oh did I mention? Science power couple

-They have won the science fair for their grade every year since 5th grade and no one has the skills to beat them or even come close

-Their science teachers literally give them the keys to their rooms, and eventually when they’re older, the key to the labs

-They definitely abuse this power lowkey

-Neither of their homes have privacy, so no privacy between Lucas’s sister and Dustin’s mom they feel trapped in Hawkins when they wanna just be together

-So they hang out in trees in the woods

-(Hang out? You mean make out and bicker?)

-They have A Tree.

-It’s got a lot of branches so they end up deconstructing a waterproof tent and setting up a badly made tree house

-“Castle Byers 2.0”

-Will and Mike like to hang out there with Lucas and Dustin but they make sure to pull on the string that rings a bell just in case…

-Dustin is 100% a stoner in high school

-He’s very cuddly when he’s high, like very very cuddly

-He and Eleven get high together and they both rant about how cute their signifs are

-Lucas hates the smell of weed but he puts up with it because he loves his boyfriend

-Dustin also tells secrets when he’s high and they’re not always things he fully means so it’s a very awkward thing at first when he’s high around friends (specifically around Lucas)

-“Dude if I liked guys I’d be in love with you.” “Dustin you’re pansexual, you like everyone.” “Woah! Sweet! I love you!” “I know Dustin.”

-Dustin is pansexual and Lucas doesn’t know his sexuality, all he knows is that he loves Dustin

-“So you’re questioning?” “Yeah, questioning why I put up with your shit.”

-The walkie T A L K I E S

-They chat all night tbh, and wake each other up too

-They also learned how to hack the walkie talkies so they can hear conversations on “private” channels and that’s how they get dirt on people

-Lucas tells Dustin he hates him and it’s just the whole “no you don’t” “…no i don’t” thing

-Dustin plays music over the walkie talkies and Lucas freaks out bc Dustin it’s 1 am

-That’s how he asks him to homecoming every year once they get into high school

-Modern Love by David Bowie is the song Dustin uses every year without fail

-He plays it at 9:30 on the dot the day before homecoming and asks Lucas to “accompany him” over their walkie talkies

-Mike and Will listen in tbh

-When it’s senior year Lucas is the one to ask Dustin to prom

-The only way he beats Dustin is he calls at 9:29, a minute before Dustin was going to call, and he plays Modern Love and they both cry when Lucas goes “accompany me to Prom dipshit” and Dustin replies “Oh Lando, thought I’d have to make the first move again” (even though Dustin’s never made the first move ever)

-Dustin’s mom takes so many mf pictures and Lucas’s sister teases them for matching

-Prom is loud and they dance too much and sweat a lot

-When like literally any slow song comes on they’re kinda swaying in place and whispering

-“This is, pretty queer dude.” “Lucas how can I even begin to explain how dumb a sentence that is.”

-Fast songs they jam and lose it with their friends

-They both literally cry when the song Modern Love plays

-But they leave halfway through and hang out on the bleachers of their middle school and Dustin wants to get high but Lucas asks him to not so sweetly that he doesn’t

-Lucas lays down on the bleachers bc he’s exhausted and sweaty and gross and Dustin kinda doesn’t know what to do because it’s so intimate without being sexual

-Dustin eventually opts for taking off his jacket and unbuttoning his shirt and laying with his head on Lucas’s stomach

-Lucas can’t breathE

-Will and Mike join them later and they all sit, the og 4 being so absolutely in love and so absolutely happy

-Will and Mike lowkey are making out and Lucas and Dustin just fondly look at each other bc look at those repressed feelings getting out

-Max and El come after prom is over and they go to the arcade because Lucas has a key

-Truth or dare bc they’re nerds who still love it even though they tell each other most everything

-Dustin picks truth at one point and he doesn’t want to tell the truth so he just yells “Shove a test tube up my ass!” And Lucas responds with “Ok.” causing the first death of the night to be Dustin Henderson

-Lucas and Dustin end up sleeping in the back room bc the others have left

-Boss is so pissed but honestly? They’re teens

-They make their characters fall in love in D&D, they force Mike to make it an arc

-“Come on guys we should be doing a mission!” “Mike. Please.” “No!” “You’d do it for you and Will if he asked.” “… Fine.”

-It’s a really dumb arc, lots of cheesy pining and flirting and Will absolutely thinks it is the funniest shit ever so Mike only continues it for him (and because he loves his friends)

-Lucas Sinclair is whipped

-Jump how high doesn’t even begin to cover it

-Dustin has no idea the amount of control he has

-(He does he just doesn’t use it)

-The two still bicker and wrestle a lot and now with an undercurrent of sexual tension

-“Stop looking at my boner when we fight!” both of them at some point

-Their parents just know™ even if they’ve never really come out about their relationships or sexualities

-Dustin’s mom is super supportive and gives him money for dates and lets him stay out later as long as it’s not just him and Lucas (spoiler alert: they lie a lot and are alone)

-Lucas’s mom is very skeptical that the two are being safe because they’re impulsive teenage boys but since her son already gets bullied so much she figures that she should let him live and not give him more pressure to be something he’s not

-Lucas’s dad is not homophobic, but he’s not ok with the thought that his son is growing up and falling in love, he cries a lot when thinking about how he can’t protect his son

-They flirt a lot be honest

-One time to one up Max and Eleven they started fucking going at it in the middle of the street

-Dustin does his little purr to Lucas and Lucas m e l t s

-Lucas would never admit it but that purr has been the bane of his heart’s existence since day one

-Dustin overhears Lucas’s sister call him “Lukey” and so he uses it and it annoys Lucas until the boy snaps and tells Dustin that it’s “Making him too sappy so stop”

-Lucas once calls Dustin “Han” and Dustin doesn’t shut up about it for the rest of the week

-No PDA at school they already get bullied enough, but they do leave locker notes

-Dustin keeps them in his backpack in a seperate section of his science binder

-Science & Lucas go together

-“Nice jeans Sinclair, could they get any tighter?” “Yeah they could so shut the fuck up.”

-There was unresolved sexual tension until senior year and literally all their friends noticed the resolution

-Lucas cannot stand how fluttery his heart gets when Dustin calls him nicknames

-Dustin knows this and doesn’t care

-All in all the boys are in love and :’))

[frazzledsoul]

Back when I used to type large essays on this website regularly, I always saved two until I was ready to post them. One was about Luke and his offspring, and how it was unfair of the show that he always had to prioritize Rory first. I may finish that one someday, but it’s hidden in my drafts. Suffice it to say that one of the things the S7 writers did right was make it clear that Luke was allowed to love other people as much as he loved Lorelai and Rory, and that his biological child was one of those people.

The other was that horrid plot twist at the end of Partings.

I’m not RTing the post this came from because I don’t want to clog it.

@fuckyeahgilmore said in this plot thread:

I still think Season 6 ending is well written; that final scene is heartbreaking and so effective. It is the face of a woman who is broken; void of feeling. She just gave herself over to him in an attempt to fill and unifillable hole in her heart. All of her self worth is gone because, in her eyes, the only man she’s ever loved had rejected her. The only person to ever always be there for her in gone. I think it’s well written and beyond heartbreaking. 

Oh, no. Hell to the no. Fuck no. No fucking way.

There is no way that what Lorelai did to Luke at the end of that season comes anything close to being well written or is justifiable even in the most fucked up and twisted value system in the universe. Negan, Cersei Lannister, Angelus, and Mitchum Huntzberger combined could not formulate a moral universe in which that shit flies.

This kills me because according to that horrid interview that showcased ASP’s lame ass justifications for the crap she wrote that I am linking here as proof Amy wanted people to hand her ribbons and trophies and accolades for what she wrote. After it’s pointed out to her (by Michael Auseillo, of all people, and you know it’s got to be bad if he’s willing to criticize her) that the fans are really, really unhappy with her, she claims that she did it so that Lauren Graham could win awards. It disturbs me when people say that all of the awards that Mrs. Maisel won are retroactive awards for Gilmore Girls, because that is in effect rewarding ASP for this episode and telling her she was right. It’s also untrue (I don’t think the Emmy voters care about the WB dramedy the creator of their beloved Mad Men pastiche did ten years ago: they like what they like for a reason, and it’s got little to do with Gilmore Girls, and um, shouldn’t the people who actually worked on Maisel be allowed to enjoy the fruits of their specific labors?) and like it or not, by the time we got to the end of season six no one on this show should have been handed any awards. I don’t know who these characters were at the end of this wretched season, but they weren’t the people I knew and loved for years. Unless you are nominating Most Twisted and Soul Destroying Iteration of A Formerly Beloved Character, the acting nominations should have been way off limits.

The person at the end of Partings wasn’t Lorelai Gilmore. The Lorelai Gilmore I knew and loved for six years would not have done that to Luke. She would never have done that. The woman I respected would have remembered that she watched Luke throw himself in jail after another woman cheated on him because he was so upset he couldn’t handle it and told him to his face that he didn’t deserve it. She is in a relationship with him for two years, proposes to him, claims she loves him, and then runs away and sleeps with the person he hates and fears most in the world, fulfilling his worst nightmares and insecurities, all because he won’t put aside the other person he’s now responsible for and get married right that instant. 

The Lorelai I knew would never hurt Luke like that. She would know that it was the worst possible thing that she could do to him, that it would emotionally devastate him, that it would wreck him. She would not do that.

Any writer who puts that rot into print isn’t worthy of the name.

It wasn’t just Luke that Lorelai hurt, though.

She goes to Christopher, someone who still pines for her and who she claims to actually care for. He misinterprets their night together as an indication that she actually might be interested in him, only to later find out that she’s using him. I despise Christopher Hayden and he should have told her no, but I don’t think he deserved this.

She put Rory in the middle of this accursed latethirtysomething love triangle and forced her to choose teams. She inflicted a huge blow on Rory’s relationship with not just one but two father figures. What makes this worse is that Rory was actually becoming closer with her dad and starting to form a relationship she had wanted for her entire life. You’re telling me that Lorelai Gilmore, who has spent her entire life sacrificing for her only child, never once considered the effect her actions would have on Rory? She didn’t think of that once?

That’s not Lorelai Gilmore. More than anything else, that is not Lorelai. Any decent writer would know this, instead of twisting her lead character into someone she never was, in order to get the result she wanted.

There is absolutely no justification for what Lorelai did that night. The claim that she was emotional or that she needed to do this to end her relationship is not fucking acceptable. What kind of moral compass do you have, what kind of putrid excuse for a writer do you claim to be to make her hurt the people she loves most in the most damging way possible and expect us to cheer it on? No way. No fucking way. 

Screw you, ASP. You’re dead to me forever for this. I mean, it too: I will never, ever watch another one of her shows. I only watched the revival after reading spoilers to ensure that I what I feared would happen didn’t actually happen.

But let’s back up a minute and remember how exactly we got to this shitshow.

Luke turned into a complete pod person all season in order to prioritize his daughter. He keeps it a secret from Lorelai, initially claims he is not going to live up to any parenting responsibilities whatsoever (um WUTTTTT???), fumbles through caring for April for months despite the fact that he has already half-raised two teenagers already, seemingly forgets his engagement date, reassures Lorelai that they’ll get married but eventually reverts back to his bad behavior, claims he can’t let Lorelai meet April because he’s afraid she’ll like her more than him, lets Lorelai rescue April’s birthday party, and then goes back to keeping Lorelai away when his baby mama throws a tantrum.

None of this made any sense whatsoever. It wasn’t good writing. it was the opposite of good writing. You tell me you’re going to take Luke Danes, the most self-sacrificing, giving, quietly loyal person on this show and make him a deadbeat dad who can’t parent his kid? That he’s going to neglect Lorelai, who he practically worships? What the hell, Amy? WHAT THE FRIGGING HELLL???!!!???

Atrocious.

So Luke backs off because he’s terrified of his baby mama. Lorelai goes to see her to try to get her to change her mind, fails, and instead of doing the thing any sane, logical person would do in this circumstance, which would be to seek out her fiance and see if they can find a way to work this out because the situation is out of his hands, she runs away and convinces herself that it’s already over. She then encounters the most horrendously unprofessional therapist in all of recorded history, a woman she does not know and who does not know her and who is not qualified to be her therapist. I don’t know what kind of ethical guidelines exist that prohibit advising someone you’ve known for ten minutes about life-altering decisions, but I’m certain that all of them were broken during that backseat therapy session. That therapist didn’t know Lorelai, she didn’t know Luke, and she didn’t know what kind of reasons (and by this time there were some fairly significant real world reasons, and just because Lorelai was emotional doesn’t mean that those reasons don’t matter) Luke had for postponing the engagement. This woman was in no position to advise Lorelai of significant life decisions based on the little information that she had, and she certainly was in no position to advise Lorelai that her relationship was worth giving up on if she didn’t immediately get what she wanted.

You know, maybe I’m crazy and this thought just can’t be allowed to breathe in the advanced moral and intellectual universe that is Amy Sherman Palladino, but shouldn’t a therapist ideally advise a troubled couple to sit down and talk about their problems? Isn’t that the sort of thing that they encourage?

Isn’t that that what rational, sane people do when they have relationship problems? Sit down and figure out a way to solve them? There was no need to force Lorelai into this illogical decision so she could give Christopher a test drive. She loved Luke at that point and Luke only, and if she had only sat down and approached her problems like a grown-up, she could have found a way to solve them.

Running up to your fiance after you have been missing for days and insisting that you get married right that instant is not grown-up behavior. Luke kept trying to get Lorelai to sit down and talk to him because she had been missing for days and he was worried about her, but she wouldn’t have it. She insisted on screaming and ranting and having everything she wanted in life delivered right that minute. But there is no feasible way Luke could have given that to her right then. He had a daughter to take care of and he had to weigh his options carefully so that he wouldn’t lose all access to her.

Those were real things that Luke was concerned about, and he was right to be worried about them. Those things don’t immediately cease to exist because Lorelai is upset. He should be allowed to love April as much as he loves Lorelai, and the fact that he hadn’t been fair to Lorelai in the months ahead of time does not take that away.

It was horrendously cruel and savage for Lorelai to punish him in the exact way that she knew would hurt most. And for what? For not being able to pass this impossible test of proving how much he loved her by sacrificing the other things that were important to him. Luke didn’t deserve that. We didn’t deserve that. ASP twisted Luke and Lorelai into monstrous shapes so that they could do as much damage to each other as possible and expected us to applaud. This was nothing more than shitting on everything her audience loved and wanted. You don’t do that if you care about your characters or your audience. She didn’t fucking care, and she proved that by writing the worst possible outcome she could in the pre Shonda Rhimes era.

There is nothing about destroying the entire fabric of your show that is anything close to good writing.

So what was the reason for this disaster? My theories are well known on this website. It’s my own fault. I consumed too much press, and almost none of it is still around. But I’ll tell you why I believe what I believe.

Luke Danes was never supposed to be a main character. He was originally supposed to be a woman, and was only added to the cast because they needed an extra character. Jess was brought in as an obstacle to keep Luke and Lorelai apart. When ASP gave interviews about this, she would briefly talk about how she needed to keep Luke and Lorelai apart because she didn’t think she could write it properly, but she would go on and on about Christopher and Lorelai and how wonderful it would be if they could get their shit together and become a couple. David Sutcliffe (who plays Christopher) got another job, and ASP brought in Jason as added him to the main cast. The ratings went down. She was forced to break them up and get Luke and Lorelai together in order to save the show.

She later said that the only reason she got Luke and Lorelai together was because she knew that David’s show was canceled and he could mess things up for Luke and Lorelai.

That Holy Trilogy of Luke/Lorelai episodes in late season 4? ASP did them because she was forced to. She wasn’t willing to write Luke and Lorelai without Christopher as an obstacle. She never wanted them to be a stable couple. 

I do not recall Amy Sherman Palladino ever saying a positive thing about Luke Danes or Scott Patterson. Ever.

In her post AYITL interviews, the Luke/Lorelai wedding was something that the fans forced her to do but she freely cooed about how gorgeous David still was.

(You know that this sounds like? It sounds like a woman who is having an affair with one of her actors, and ends up promoting his character because of it. I have no proof that this happened, of course).

So did she do all of this because she has the attention span of a toddler or because she has an irrational obsession with Christopher Hayden? Who knows? I believe that she wrote Luke and Lorelai because the fans wanted it, but that her real passion was Christopher and Lorelai, and that she ended up obliterating everything that many of us loved about this show to make her beloved ship happen. She thought it was in their best possible interest for them to rip each other to shreds so that Lorelai could fuck Christopher. 

I even believe that ASP had Zach destroy Hep Alien’s musical career so that he could then propose and Christopher could escort Lorelai to Lane’s wedding. Think about how cruel this is for a moment. Even if you don’t believe that ASP ruined Lane’s hopes and dreams so she could set up a situation where she could sell Christopher as the better option, we had to endure an episode where Rory arranges Christopher to take Lorelai on a date to a wedding of someone Luke is close to while she is engaged to Luke so she can incorporate Christopher into a Stars Hollow event and Christopher can save from the indignity of sobbing over how upset she is over Luke. We had to witness all of that shit so Christopher could swoop in on his white horse with his bags full of money and save the day.

You know a good writer would do? She would know that if her side character is so impressive in his own right, he wouldn’t need that much help.

The more positive side of me believes that ASP only intended to have Christopher and Lorelai explore their relationship for a while, and then she would have Lorelai end up with Luke because she knew what the fans wanted. I view the speech Luke has in AYITL and Christopher’s comments to Rory and I suspect that those things were written a long, long time ago. However, in the end I know what happened before, and I know the history of Amy’s comments to the media, and part of me cant make myself believe that. I don’t think if ASP had started writing the Christopher/Lorelai relationship that she had dreamed of for years she would have been able to stop. 

I also suspect that she only got Luke and Lorelai together because the fans took the ending of season 6 harder than she thought they would, and she knew her reputation wouldn’t survive both a Christopher/Lorelai endgame and Rory’s wretched fate. She initially planned something very different.

When ASP views someone like Luke Danes who is a redneck stereotype in almost every way but the political, I think he is something of an exotic creature to her. This wasn’t who she originally envisioned Lorelai with: all of Lorelai’s other love interests except for Alex were refined, upper-class, and somewhat well-off. It doesn’t escape my attention that towards the end of season 6 the show pushes both Rory and Lorelai towards the monied love interests who can make up for their personal failings with wealth and charm. Humble guys like Luke, Jess, and Marty are left in the dust. It also doesn’t escape my attention that they start to engage in increasingly selfish and amoral behavior, culminating in Lorelai’s huge betrayal at the end of the season that ASP wants us to believe is justified and Rory’s aborted attempt to cheat on Logan with Jess. As always, our more humble love interests and their unglamourous moral codes are left behind. 

Those values of honesty, decency, integrity and respect for others that Lorelai attempted to raise Rory to cherish? They would eventually be abandoned for a richer, more cynical life, and so would Stars Hollow. I don’t believe that solid value systems are not endemic of any sort of lifestyle choice, but I do think that ASP possibly associated a small-town life with a coherent moral code in her mind, and found it insufficient. The life that Lorelai cherished in her humble small town would be found wanting, because ASP doesn’t really understand how it outweighs the appeal of a more cosseted life. If she could justify that ending, I don’t think she really values that moral code anyway, no matter who is practicing it.

If that sounds like a betrayal of what the show was about, so were the last 4 words, and we got them anyway.

All of this is to say that my cynical view of ASP’s worldview is not something I want to associate with personally, and much of it has to do with the horrid way in which this season ended. I don’t value a worldview that prizes characters treating each other this way, and there is nothing logical or coherent or emotionally purposeful about anything that was thrust at us with this plot twist. I know people hate season 7, but the reason I excuse that season for its shortcomings is that even after this major gulf has been opened up between Luke and Lorelai, they become responsible, compassionate people who are able to takes responsibility for their actions and eventually care for each other again. They aren’t twisted into shapes I don’t recognize. 

I know some people don’t really see this the way that I do. There’s a deep split in the fanfiction community between those who view Lorelai’s actions as justified (or think that Luke saying yes to the elopement plot would have magically solved everything) and those that see them as the huge betrayal that I believe that they are. I’ve gotten eviscerated by a popular fic writer for Luke taking Lorelai to task for her part in it, and I’ve watched fic writers whose work I’ve loved defend what I believe is indefensible. I do believe there is a generational split here, and it’s not insignificant, but I think most of us are in agreement on one thing:

This bullshit should never have fucking happened, and there was nothing positive about the writing that delivered it.

[sawsomeghosts]

                          BEETELJUICE REWATCH LIVEBLOG

I love the opening to the movie. Just that dark version of Day-O.

Adam, put the spider down. No. Bad. Spiders are creepy.

It’s so strange looking at Alec Baldwin then and looking at him now on like SNL or Match Game.

Adam and Barbara deserved so much better. They were so in love <33</small>

I wouldn’t mind leaving in a small town like Winter River. Everything is all city city city and if you are a small town like that, builders come in to destroy it all and make it a tourist town and comercial. It suuuuucks.

Oh, doggy. Look what you’ve gone and done ;_;

“The handbook for the recently diseased...” “Deceased.” LMAO.

“If this were heaven there wouldn’t be dust everywhere.”

                                                            More under the cut

I just realized they had cows right next door to them. So does that mean that they took care of them??? OMG can Lydia take care of them??? Pff Delia probably made sure no sort of farm (or farm smell) was around them.

I am Charles. Just...yay a nice, wholesome house.

“You’re finally going to be able to cook a descent meal.” LMAO. Yeah, no strange shrimp monster meals.

LYDIA MY QUEEN.

Can I just color my hair black and become her. No, I’ve worked too hard to be this blonde.

Delia’s sculptures look like a first grader made it during art class. They suck. Sorry first graders.

Otho come through a door like a normal person.

When Delia licks Charles’s nose...*cringes*

When Adam points out that they are ghosts and looks so excited...yaaaas you’re ghosts scare everyone to death please and thanks. Have fun :D

“I WILL GO INSANE AND I WILL TAKE YOU WITH ME.” JESUS CHRIST. High maintenance much?

As soon as I saw that attic door slam shut I would call Zak Bagans immediately.

I love the Sandworms. It’s just so creative to me. I mean anything Tim Burton thing I admire so much. He’s an A+ genius.

Lyds wearing a funeral-like veil to dinner. Literally me. I wear my hood of angst ™ to dinner sometimes lmao.

Charles is so carefree. We should all strive to be Charles Deetz.

Another look I would love to imitate from Lydia - her black dress and large black hat, dark circles under her eyes that make her look dead. Ay it’s me! No but honestly I am jealous of the Lydia Deetz look. Why can’t I get away with it???

Poor Charles. Trying to have a cup of tea and the sculpture from hell comes crashing through the kitchen window...and traps Delia again the house. “This is my art and it is dangerous. You think that I want to die like this?” Bah ha ha.

A mom who matches outfits with her daughter should not be giving my queen an odd look about her choice of outfit.

That Betelguese commercial is EVERYTHING.

Seriously though Michael Keaton OWNED this role. It would not be the same without him if they really do go through with making a sequel which I have mixed feelings about. If you’re going to do a sequel don’t half ass it. Make it everything and more that it should be thirty years later or whatever. Which is why I’m glad they didn’t go through with Beetlejuice Goes To Hawaii. The title alone...just rings of corniness.

The red sweater that Charles is wearing when he is bird watching matches the apron-thingy that Delia is wearing when she is making dinner for the dinner guests coming later on in the movie.

I absolutely love the dead receptionist with the fairy wings. I would love to be her for Halloween. I would also love to be Lydia for Halloween but I’d have to find a black wig. Black everything really, but it could be done. Beetlejuice would be a great costume as well tbh.

The janitor who told Barbara and Adam “That’s the lost soul’s room...” actually died before the movie came out. I looked it up cause I thought I recognized him lol. But anyways when it shows the lost souls room it reminds me of Halloweentown...or something from Disney Channel Halloween movies.

I remember seeing a Zagnut bar at Cracker Barrel and showing it to my mom and quoting Beetlejuice then lol. I didn’t buy it though incase you’re wondering.

Charles is so dismissive of his daughter and it makes me so sad. I mean, he assumes that’s her wearing the sheet over her head like a ghost. All he’s worried about is peace and quiet and pointing out that Delia is going to be mad for cutting holes in her designer sheets.

Lydia’s room is everything.

Lydia meeting the Maitland’s is also everything. She was not scared by them at all.

Look, we all know that they should not have said Beetlejuice’s name, but at the same time they were stuck and desperate so I get it, ya know?

Also it looks so satisfying digging up the fake grass and dirt to dig him up lol.

Y’all I want the hat Beetlejuice is wearing that says his name on it. Someone gift it to me. Please.

His makeup is fantastic. I mean please tell me they got some kind of award for that. Now I have to look it up. YUP. Academy award for Best Makeup. They won Best Horror Film and Best Make-up at the 1988 Saturn Awards.

There it is. Lydia’s combed back puffy hair at the dinner scene. I WANTS IT. I have also tried it but my hair is way too long (and blonde). *sad face*

“KIDS. YOU KNOW I LOVE THEM.” Delia, I wish you did show how much you could care and love and listen to Lydia.

DAYLIGHT COME AND ME WAN GO HOME

I love how they go from “Oh this is weird what is happening” to just embracing that they are oddly possessed and dancing lol.

Some kind of shrimp hand monster grabs my face...I’m out of there, on my phone with Zak Bagans, byeee Maitland’s. You won. I’m out. Enjoy your house.

“If you insist of frightening people, do it with your sculptures.” PFF. WORD.

I just love Beetlejuice’s laugh.

“Now let’s turn on the juice and see what shakes loose.”

I remember when I was a kid and I turned on this movie the first scene I saw was the snake scene and it scared the hell out of me. I don’t like snakes to begin with. Absolutely fear and despise. So seeing that as a kid I was terrified and put off. But then I watched the movie later on and was cool XD

But hey...that’s how you scare a family out of their house.

I love how Otho thinks he is an expert in everything. Hair styling, home decor...bringing forth the dead.

That would be crazy. Spirits turning old all of the sudden. Poor Barbara and Adam. See what ya did there, Otho? Ya done fucked up.

When Barbara’s foot starts curling in omg I get chills.

“They’re already dead, they can’t feel a thing.” UM LOOK AT THEM.

Desperation calls for BEETLEJUICE! BEETLEJUICE! BEETLEJUICE!

Lydia’s face when he says he has to get married like ewwww who would wanna marry you. LMAO I love it. Also the fact she’s like fourteen here and he’s like “yeah lemme marry that” pervert town over here. But what does he care? He’s dead.

“It’s showtime!”

A dude pops up in my house with an entrance like Beetlejuice’s...I run. I don’t stay and laugh and cheer. I’d be creeped out. Again...my name is Zak Bagans...Also the fact that nobody warned them that they were about to be shot through the ceiling by BJ...like RUDE.

“What have we got here tonights, kids?” LOVE how he said that.

Otho sneaking out...come on man. And putting him in that God awful suit was everything. There’s your haunting, Otho.

“Mom...Dad...” BEETLENO.

He’s combing his hair back trying to look fancy the way Ledger’s Joker did. Well, he did his with a knife BUT STILL. Still crazy either way.

Their wedding outfits are the best. Like why can’t my sister and I do this for Halloween. She will not cooperate with any of my ideas. She can be BJ in his fancy red tux and I will be my queen Lydia in red. There, done. I WANT IT.

“Nobody says the B word!”

Damn Beetlejuice on the ready every time someone tries to say his name.

When you gotta tap dance around someone’s mouth to get them to be quiet. We’ve all been there, right?

“Beetlejuice!” “Eeeeeee!”

I love the way Barbara turns around and the look she gives when she hears the Sandworm.

How did Adam drive a fake car...what am I saying, look what kind of music this is.

BARBARA FOR THE WIN.

Seriously why can’t my sis, mom, and I do a Beetlejuice theme for Halloween. How can I get them on board?

When you have two sets of parents. One alive, one dead. This is the life.

In the original script for the movie the Deetz family actually moved back to New York but Lydia remained in Connecticut to live with Barbara and Adam, and the house was known as this really creepy haunted house nobody came to cause of how weird it was and active even from the outside.

Lydia not so dead looking anymore but somewhat normal. Well, she can’t wear a veil to school, now can she? CAN SHE?

If I got to float with ghosts and dance to music every time I got good grades on tests in school I wouldn’t have left after freshman to homeschool myself. Just kidding I could stay home and chill with ghosts any time I wanted whilst homeschooling myself.

BJ feeling up that girl’s leg and her hitting him from the other side of him lmao

“YO, THERE GOES ELVIS! YO! KING!”

“I gotta do a shoot for GQ in an hour and a half.”

How would you not notice someone swapping numbers like that? I’d sprinkle shrinking dust on his head, too.

“ROCK YOUR BODY, CHILD!”

[watermonkey0]

Moonlight

4th Point of Contact -- “Moonlight” -- Do Kyungsoo x Harper Hasagawa

The dress was brave. Much more so than I ever felt, in uniform or otherwise. The chiffon skirt draped down over my toes like a mystic black waterfall, and only attached to a front piece at my waist. My back was completely exposed, something I had been insistent on, but was now scared of. The silky black fabric continued on my sleeves that cuffed at the wrists, giving a sort of 'I Dream of Jeannie' look. And then of course, the gaudy yet magnificent shoulder epaulets decorated with silver studs to match the boys' extravagant military attire for the night. This was seriously the last time I ever listened to Cat or Moon Jae. 

"This dress is probably a gagillion dollars. I don't know why I'm even wearing it." I hissed through my teeth as Cat slipped one of my feet into a glossy yet sensible wedge heel. "Uh, it's a gagillion won. Get it right." She snarked up at me, ignoring any and all discomfort I was feeling. It wasn't exactly her style to be reassuring. "Why can't I--" I began to complain for the hundredth time as to why she elected herself for covert duty and I was stuck with prance patrol, but she cut me off with an icy glare. "Because you got yourself shot...like an idiot." She snapped. I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from firing back, not wanting to retaliate while on coms with the rest of the security team. They were beginning to be used to our bickering, but I didn't think even they would condone a full blown sass bash during duty. Cat slipped the other heel on my foot and then stood back to survey her work. It wasn't really like she'd done anything but the shoes, everything else was Moon Jae's artistry, but that wasn't going to stop Cat from taking all the credit. "You look alright." She nodded to herself. She had a talent for mood swings; one moment she would be stabbing you, the next she'd be telling you that red really was your color. Sometimes it felt like playing Russian Roulette, never knowing which pull of the trigger was going to make her snap. Her outfit for the night was a slick and tight fitting tactical suit. I pointed out to her that she was not, in fact, the Black Widow, and that there was no need for such a get up, but she ignored me. Like always. But between the two of us, we both knew which I would rather be wearing. The door to the dressing room swung open without a knock and Moon Jae came swirling in like a sparkly tornado. I swear she'd never frowned a day in her life. "Ohmo! Dangsin-eun neomu yeppeuda!!" She exclaimed and skipped around us, swishing fabric here, tucking a hair there, making sure the makeup that I hated wearing was blended properly. Even though she was only a Stylist intern, I had a feeling she was stuck at the bottom of the totem pole because no one knew how to manage her insane energy. "I'm gonna go ahead and guess she thinks you look okay, too." Cat dodged as much hairspray as she could, making her way to the door to get out of Moon Jae's path. "She said I look pretty." I translated for her. Even though I was nowhere near fluent in Korean, I was picking up more and more every day. Cat, on the other hand, was perfectly content to remain on the other end of an interpreter. "At least someone does." I added with a mumble. "Oh yes, let's go ahead and pretend that none of those testosterone sacks is going to want to jump you the instant they see you." She snorted, leaning against the door, arms crossed. Trigger, slide, bang. "Can you please not refer to them as hormone sacks? They are good guys, you said so yourself." I lectured, half ignoring Moon Jae's instructions, and half listening to the scrambled voices that suddenly sparked in my ear. "Sounds like its starting." Cat smoothly avoided my reprimand and pushed off the wall, holding one finger to her ear. "Are you 'bout done?" "Kkeutmachin?" I asked Moon Jae, who I had lost sight of somewhere around the back of my skirt. She crawled back in front of me and held up her fingers in an 'OK', grinning from ear to ear. I probably botched the pronunciation and she didn't want to be rude by correcting me, but I brushed it off, putting my finger to my own ear in order to hear the voices from my com better. "It'd be great if they spoke English." Cat commented as she opened the door for me and we made our way into the hallway. "It'd be great if you learned their language first." I returned absently. "It's not like any of them would talk to me if I did." "That's because you stabbed Hoo Min on your first day!" I exclaimed, to which she turned up her nose, like she would neither confirm nor deny that the poor first year guard had to get five stitches thanks to her. We padded down the corridor, her super comfy Vibrams soundless next to the click and slap of my heels. Near the end, we would part ways; Cat would make her way into the concert hall via the service entrance, and then slowly progress up to the catwalks, watching the show from above. We called this 'covert duty' because it was unofficial, and only one of the two of us ever took up the position. Some 85% of shootings in venues such as concert halls take place in the rafters above the stage. With Cat in the nest, wearing all black in the darkness of the scaffolding, she'd be undetectable, and therefore able to put down any attempts before anyone ever noticed something was off. It was my preferable position, but at the moment, like Cat had so delicately put it...I wasn't really able to scale the rafters like the Black Widow tonight. Not with the two holes in my back still aching like there were ice picks sticking out of my ribs. No, my job for the night was 'Prance Patrol': Walking with the boys on the red carpet, or just behind them to avoid the cameras. We usually assigned one of the new guys to walk with them since it wasn't a high stakes position. To my knowledge, no celebrity had ever been shot on the red carpet, but tonight was special. Chief Soo wanted me to make an appearance and put any rumors that I was out of commission to rest. Even though, technically, I was still nowhere near field ready. Two shots to the back had severely limited my range of motion. I couldn't lift anything or roll at all. As a Marine, I told myself to buck the fuck up and keep going, but that was just not how Koreans did things. I was seriously so tired of being told to 'get some rest', and of no one understanding that my Drill Sergeant would have put me through four PT tests by now. And then I would have to explain what a PT test was, and at that point I would give up. But there would be no giving up tonight. Even though my back hurt like hell and I didn't know how exactly I was supposed to run in these wedges should I need to, I was going to strut my stuff for all of Korea. When Cat and I finally reached the end of the hall, she turned to me one more time and gave me a last once over. "Still okay?" I asked, fingering the fabric of my skirt. "Acceptable." She shrugged, but from her, 'acceptable' meant stunning. Surrendering to her mysterious ways, I turned towards the double doors that led to the street with a smirk, while she turned the opposite direction towards the back alley. "Oh, and Hasa?" She shouted when I was at the end. "Hmm?" "Don't let any of those hormone buckets touch you." She ordered snobbishly. "They've graduated to buckets now, have they?" I laughed and waved her off. I mean, if she could ignore my advice, I could ignore hers. Kyung Hee University's Hall of Peace is the massive red and wood paneled masterpiece that has had the honor of hosting the Golden Disk Awards twice now. The building itself looked like it was styled after the Notre Dame de Paris, with its white marble and stain glass windows. To me it looked like an LDS temple, but I kept that to myself. A mile long red carpet had been rolled up to the double door entrance, lined with the entirety of Korea's paparazzi population. The photo backdrop was a mixture of sponsor logos, like: The Star-Asia, Lotte, JTBC2, Sheraton Hotels, and Union Pay. There was already a line of vans and limos stretching down the lane, waiting to drop off their idols. The faculty offices across the street had been turned into auxiliary space, to be used by people like me and Moon Jae, who came to stand behind me. I stared at the crosswalk between the two buildings for a minute, like it was a rickety bridge I didn't want to cross. "Ginjang doeni?" Moon Jae asked happily. Was I nervous? Absolutely. But I smiled at her reassuringly and then forced my feet down the steps.

Byun Baekhyun followed after Xiumin obediently as EXO marched up the red carpet as a group. They paused in front of the sponsor wall and smiled for the million bright flashes that caused him temporary blindness. Nothing he hadn't done a hundred times before. In all honesty, he hated award ceremonies. He liked to perform sure, but standing around for hours at a time, or sitting and smiling for the camera had never been his strong suits. But where SM said to go, he went. A little further down the walk was a chevron shaped platform and a standing camera for interviews. Junmyeon steered them towards it and gracefully accepted the microphone offered to him by the MC. It was his job as leader and hyung to be the speaker, and for the first time, Baekhyun was thankful. They lined up as practiced and bowed in unison. After that he sort of drowned out the interviewer and Junmyeon's responses. If this had been any other night, he would have dove for the mic, talking everyone's ears off. He didn't have enough time or breath to thank all of his fans for everything they'd done for them...but tonight, he just couldn't bring himself to be happy. Honestly, what was there to be happy about? They had just gotten to the album questions when he heard the shouting. It was one of those things that he could pick out of any crowd of noises: the syllables of her foreign name that rolled around on his tongue. "It's Harper Hasagawa!" "Look here!" "She's out of the hospital!" Baekhyun spun around instantly, searching for her usual messy bun and too big flak jacket. But to his astonishment, a bombshell came sauntering up the red carpet steps, wearing Harper's face. Her dress was high collared and misty black, making her look eerily beautiful. Her hair was pulled up tight into dozens of braids that swirled into a bun at the nape of her neck, and she carried a clutch studded with a thousand sparkling diamonds that twinkled under her black fingernails. She was as regal as she was terrifying, and she matched their own style concept to a T. He knew he was seeing Moon Jae's work, but somehow he just couldn't believe it. That wasn't the Harper that they knew, the Harper who beat him in a burping contest or punched Chief Soo in the gut. The goddess walking towards them was some sort of miracle, one he was absolutely not prepared for. The MC stopped his line of questions midway through to turn the camera towards her approach. Up until now, she had seemed confident in her walk, although he sensed a familiar fearful tension in the way she was clutching her purse. But with the camera on her, she faltered. "Mrs. Hasagawa!" The reporters shouted. They looked like a sea of gaping fish, writhing behind the photographer line in waves. They were ravenous for her, and Baekhyun's stomach twisted at the sight. Nervously, she bit her black stained lip, making eye contact with each EXO member before finally falling on him. Her green eyes lingered on him for a moment longer, before she slowly started to turn in the recognizable model circle. And then he saw them. The dress had no back, and when she turned, everyone could clearly see the two discolored dents in her flesh. They looked smaller than the ones he saw in his nightmares, but somehow, these seemed worse. It was like they were on display, outrageously obvious and undisguised. One just below her right shoulder blade, and the other at her left waist line. How could she wear a dress like this? How could she show them off for everyone to see? For a daunting moment, he thought he might be sick. Her blood had sprayed all over his face, and now she was revealing the aftermath to anyone who wanted to look. And everyone wanted to look. His knees suddenly buckled and he wasn't able to stop himself from crumpling onto the step. Immediately, Junmyeon and the rest of his brothers started to him, alarmed. But she came too, and all he could do was ball his hands into fists and brace them against his knees. They circled him, cutting him off from the squirming cameras and the loudmouthed MC, who was shouting for a paramedic. This was no good. Looking this weak was only going to start rumors for the company. EXO-L's were going to bleed from the woodwork, accusing SM of abusing another member into exhaustion, when in reality, they had been getting better. Better because she had stood up for them when no one else would. Harper slowly, painstakingly, bent down to his level, hugging her knees and looking up at him through her eyelashes. She seemed to know that he was more furious than anything else. She seemed to know it more than he did. Why was he so mad, anyway? She had always done whatever she wanted, how was this any different? His knuckles were going white and his arms were shaking, but his eyes could only burn into hers. She met his intensity with calm, and like she dumped a giant bucket of water on his fire, he eased. "You need to let it go." She said quietly in English. "This anger and guilt. Throw it away, because it doesn't belong to you." She reached out and took his fist, weaseling her fingers in between his. "Understand this, Byun Baekhyun: I would do it all over again, I would do it a hundred times. Although at that point, I would probably look like Swiss cheese." There was a snort from above their heads, and Baekhyun glanced up at Kai, who was quickly trying to hide his smirk. "I would rather have these than you have them, do you know why?" She asked him, but didn't wait for his answer. "Because bullet wounds are damn sexy." That garnered a few more chuckles and some shuffling feet from the others. He knew they should wrap this up quickly, they were on the red carpet for heaven's sake...but he just kept staring at her. "What is it?" She asked, cocking her head to the side. "What's so wrong with people seeing them?" He wanted to scream at her, demand to know how she was so proud of them. They were wounds! They were scars! They were his nightmares! Her, vaulting towards him as the shots propelled her into his arms. Her blood covering the front of his shirt, Baek screaming her name at the top of his lungs. Those memories were not things to be proud of! "They're a part of me now, that's just how it is, and I'm okay with that. You need to be okay with that too. These...they're not your fault." She tapped out the words on his knee to emphasize her point. "It's my job to protect you, and that's exactly what I did. How can you be so furious that I did my job well?" He hated her logic, hated the fact that it was true and understandable. Harper was a body guard, and by definition, wasn't a body guard someone who guards with their body? She had thrown herself in front of fire for him, and if she didn't regret it...than how could he? Shakily, he hissed out a sigh in defeat. Taking the surrender, Harper reached for a hand to help her up, and Baekhyun felt the familiar arms of his brothers lift him to his feet. The onlookers began to clap, like he was a sports player down on the field, and a paramedic arrived outside the circle of members, but was waved away. He didn't have the type of tools necessary to repair a shattered ego. "Moon Jae." Harper called, and the hyper stylist came bounding up, hip purse swinging. "Come with me, Bacon!" She beamed and grabbed his arm, not waiting for him to consent. The girl dragged him out of the protection of his friends, and he was immediately blinded by the flashes again. "Baekhyun will be alright," He heard Junmyeon tell the MC, "we've just been so busy with tour that he forgot to eat a healthy breakfast. He'll be ready to perform after some food." The reporters seemed to accept the excuse before he lost sight of them completely.

Kyungsoo watched silently as Baekhyun was dragged into the hall, and Harper squeezed his hand extra tight. He'd gone for her arm before she even asked for help, not caring who saw. But now, as the excitement died down and EXO continued to walk the carpet, he knew he had to let go of her. As blandly as he could, he released her hand. But, unable to stop touching her completely, he replaced it on the small of her back, as if to escort her forward. It seemed like a platonic enough thing to do, a small gesture between coworkers. She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye but didn't comment as they finally made it inside. The first person to approach them was Chief Soo, who went straight for Harper with vengeance. "What the hell, Hasagawa? What did you do to him?" The manager barked in Korean. DO was about to intervene, but she quickly apologized, even though everyone knew she'd done nothing wrong. Without any further explanation, Chief Soo whisked Harper away to the security office, most likely to continue yelling at her. As he watched her leave, DO rubbed his hands together nervously, only to find them oddly sticky. Glancing down, he noticed a brownish cream covering his palms. He flagged down a nearby stylist and asked for a hand wipe. When she saw him cleaning off his hands, she immediately went digging in her bag. "Here," she handed him a small disposable pouch of liquid foundation. "If you got it on your hands that means you'll need to apply more. Try not to touch it until it dries." He thanked her hesitantly and stared down at the sample. He knew for sure that he hadn't touched his face, and he never wore that much anyway. The only other person he touched had been Harper. Harper's back. Kyungsoo internally groaned as he tossed the sample. He'd have to deal with it later though. Right then, he had more pressing matters than her pride. The performance they gave that night turned out to be one of their best...somehow. Between Trot Record of the Year and the Artist Popularity Awards, EXO had performed 'For Life', and their era signature, 'Monster', both of which were heavily dependent on Baekhyun's voice. The other members had been hesitant to let him go through with it (this was the entire reason they had understudy parts after all), but he declined. He said he would do it, and he did. It was like whatever fire Harper had managed to put out on the carpet, had reignited on stage. His singing was stronger, his dancing was bolder. Everything about him exuded a gallant desperation that only those on stage with him could see. When the last note of 'For Life' strummed, DO couldn't tear his eyes away from Baek's face, or the tears sliding invisibly down his cheeks. But it was also something he couldn't let anyone else see; So he hooked his arm around Baek's head and pretended to joke with him as they ran off stage, setting up for the next act. Baek didn't protest and allowed himself to be escorted to the dressing rooms, surrounded by the other members. That night, EXO won three awards: the Ceci Asia Icon Award, Disk Bonsang, and Disk Daesang. And each time they went on stage, a different member would hang back with Baekhyun...just to be sure. Sehun, Xiumin, and Kai somehow managed to carry him through the night, forcing him to give aegyo and hearts to the fans, while also shielding him from any unnecessary attention. DO had to admit that this was probably why they were so successful as a group. It wasn't SM, or their musical ability--it was because they were a group of genuinely decent guys who had become brothers. They would do anything for each other, and it was a sign of trust that Baek let them lead him through a hard time. And unfortunately, it helped that Harper didn't return.

“I’ve repositioned. You’re off the clock.” Cat’s voice crackled in my ear. The connection was weakening the farther I traveled from the university, and in the back of a company sedan, I let myself deflate. My back was hurting, my feet were aching, and my heart was sore.

Poor puppy.

With a wince, I closed my eyes and let out a hiss that was supposed to be a sigh. I’m sure the driver shot me a nervous glance in the mirror, but I didn’t see.

“Where to, miss?” He had asked me when I slid into the backseat. It was unusual for someone to leave before the show started, but I had no business working a carpet I could barely walk on.

“To the dorms please.” I’d mumbled, but before we were able to drive off, Chief Soo rapped his knuckles against the driver side window.

“Sir?” The driver responded.

“Take her to the hospital.” Soo said insipidly. I could see him glaring at me from where I sat in the backseat, but I purposefully turned my head so he couldn’t see my grimace. “See to it that she accepts her treatment.” In hind sight, it was probably the better course of action…but that wasn’t going to stop me from being salty about his constant need to boss people around.

After fighting with award show traffic for an hour, we finally managed to make our way into the city, and to the local hospital that I’d called home for the past who knows how long. The driver parked in the garage, and then came around to help me out. He was even kind enough to lead me up to the VIP floor, not even commenting on how heavily I leaned on his arm. But that was where I drew the line. I waved him off at the elevators, despite his protest.

Yes, yes, I’d listen to the damn doctors, I assured him. But Chief Soo could kiss my ass if he thought he would assign me a babysitter. He’d just pursed his lips at me when I pulled rank, but I didn’t care. I was in too much pain to bother with what he thought of the bossy American. And I was far too grateful when he left as ordered. It was my only consolation that no one was there to see me as I limped towards my room.

I lost my clutch as I trudged past the nurses’ station, but didn’t stop to try and find it on the floor. It must have clattered awfully loud in the quiet hallway, because the girl behind the desk stood as I passed…knowing better than to help me. Somehow, through long complicated hand gestures and broken Korean-English conversations, the staff had gotten the gist of me. They knew better than to try and assist at this point, I only ever snapped when they did. But she stilled bowed her head at me as I hobbled, like my defiance had somehow won points with her.

My room was at the end of the hall, one that had never felt so long before. With a row of identical fake wood doors filled with sick people on my right, and top to bottom panes of glass on my left, I felt like some sort of ant on display as I scurried into my hole. Only my hole was a million miles away, no matter how many steps I managed to take.

Finally, my knees gave. My tendons protested, my nerves shriveled, my muscles dissented, and in the culmination of their chorus, I went down. I hardly cared though. The world was already a blurry mess, what did it matter that I passed out in the hallway or in my bed? At least out here, I could see the lights of the city from the floor.

But before I could sprawl myself on the expensive tile, a strong hand hooked under my arms and pulled me into an awkward hold. My head lulled to the side, distracted but still somehow annoyed that I’d been caught.

“Let goooo…” I slurred, trying my best to swing my head in the direction of my bothersome rescuer. It was just a large black splotch in the midst of the dim hallway.

“Cállate.” A female voice from the other side of me snapped, and I let my head fall towards her instead. “Come on.” She ordered, and whoever was carrying me started forward at a dizzying pace. I mean, they were probably just walking, but to me it felt like they were sprinting and my legs were flapping behind us like racing stripes.

The woman, who was only a splash of pale pink and dark hair, slid my door open and allowed my carrier and I to enter. The room was shadowy, and I was suddenly struck by the absence of the twinkling night lights. I didn’t want to hide in this dark hole by myself. But even my futile attempts to lift my arms and grab my pack mule were met with muscle protests. I was a rag doll, yet they sat me down on the bed like I was made of porcelain. I was rolled to my side, facing away from the door and the only light.

“Thank you. That will be all.” The woman said, and I heard a grunt in response. It bothered me that the pink woman was there for no reason, and she’d sent the oxen away. Who else was going to drag me out of this den? I wanted to go back out and see the lights. It wasn’t healthy to lock sick people up in the dark, didn’t they know?

“If you hadn’t been ordered to appear, I would slap you in your sutures.” The woman in pink rounded the bed, floating around like she was a ghost. She entered the bathroom for a moment, and then came back holding a green splotch, not even bothering to turn on the light.

Her voice was familiar, but it wasn’t Cat, so I didn’t care. “Let’s get you out of that dress before you ruin it.” Her hands were on me then, surprisingly strong for someone who used others to lift bodies for them. She unfastened the clasp at the back of my neck, and at both wrists, then slid the top half of the dress off like it was nothing. My back was on fire from the pain, but my front that had been contently warm and covered all night was suddenly exposed to the cold air.

I shivered, and it hurt.

She unzipped the skirt and maneuvered me until it was pulled out from under my legs. I was naked, but I wasn’t phased. My legs probably still looked nice in the heels, notwithstanding the countless scars I already had. But she pulled those off too, and then I really was stripped. It occurred to me that I should probably say something to this stranger who was taking my clothes off, but I just didn’t have the energy to put up any fight.

After a moment of nipple-hardening cold, something warm was draped over my front, and I managed to look down at the hospital gown she was looping my arms through.

“What? No foreplay?” I rasped, and then chuckled at myself. The woman scoffed, and I caught the whites of her eyes rolling.

“Verdaderamente eres asqueroso.” She hissed, and I paused my laughing. It only just occurred to me but…everything she’d said to me was in Spanish. Had I answered in English? Or was it the opposite and I just couldn’t tell anymore? There were too many verbs, nouns, and tenses floating around in my head that I could barely keep them straight when I was sober.

But now, drunk on pain? There was no telling what combination of languages were going to drool out of my mouth. But the information was a welcome one, and it took a jab at my fuzzy brain. If it was Spanish, but it wasn’t Cat, then it was the other one…the doctor.

“Afton?” I whispered, and the pink smear stilled.

“At least you won’t be asking for any lap dances.” I heard her mutter to herself and then move to sit behind me. A moment later, something cold and soft smoothed over my back, and I let out an appreciative moan.

“What are you doing here?” I croaked.

“I’m cleaning up your mess. What else?” She responded like it was obvious, and I didn’t have the strength to answer. Cleaning up messes was what Afton did best. Whether it was for me, or any paying country, there was nothing she couldn’t fix. So I finally followed her earlier demand and shut up, letting her run the towel up and down my burning muscles.

Honestly, Kyungsoo thought there would be more resistance when he said he was heading out early. EXO had won all they were going to win, and what was the point of a red carpet exit anyway? So no one really bothered when he climbed into a company car and told them to head to the hospital. And then, still no one stopped him as he rode the elevator to the VIP floor and passed the nurses’ station. The woman behind the desk had seen him many times, and her eyes roamed over him disinterestedly.

The only thing that faltered his approach was the studded clutch laying in the middle of the floor, abandoned. He grabbed it off the tile and turned it over in his hands. It was definitely Harper’s, and he would be lying if he said he was surprised she’d discarded it so easily. Her whole outfit tonight was so out of her world that Kyungsoo had done a double take. From her black lips, to her black nails, she looked like some sort of tremendously sexy nun, and for a split second, he was all for it. Take him to church, let him confess, he’d pray to her and only her until the world ended.

And then he realized that it was Harper, and he was astonished at his blasphemy.

But after his moment of sacrilege passed, he realized that her dress, her hair, and her shoes, had not been for him. She sauntered onto that red carpet for two very specific reasons: One, probably because Chief Soo told her she had to; and two, to bring Baek back to life. Even the fans had noticed his change. He was scared, probably not even for his own life, but for hers. He hovered around Harper’s hospital room like an apparition wanting to interact, but not knowing how to do it without scaring someone. He didn’t know what to say or what to do to show his gratitude for her saving his life, and in the end…it had chipped away at his heart.

DO loosened his tie and shed his jacket. She was probably in a foul mood, and it wasn’t like he was there to commend her. Resolutely, he was there to yell at her, like always. She was just such a hot mess, what else was he supposed to do?

So, with her clutch under his arm, he slid open the door to her room silently, but it was a different scene than he expected to find. Catalina’s sister sat at Harper’s bedside, wiping Harper’s back with a damp towel. She slowly turned on her stool to see him out of the corner of her eye, although he didn’t know how she could make him out in the light of the doorway. It was pitch black in the room, and he felt weird seeing his outline pass over the bed next to his bodyguard.

Afton’s hand paused as she regarded him questioningly, and it only took moments for him to understand her expression and respond. Without a word, he tossed his tie, jacket, and Harper’s clutch onto the couch by the door, and made his way to the bed. Afton stood and passed him the rag without a hint of interest. Kyungsoo figured she should have at least raised an eyebrow at his willingness, but she ignored him.

The exchange only took a moment, and after he’d seated himself on the stool, he looked back to see her leaving. He wasn’t sure if he should call out to her or not, but then Harper stirred on the bed, and his attention was focused on her, and not the click of the door as the doctor left.

He sat with the rag hanging in his hands for a moment, feeling the darkness creep around him comfortably. But he had something to confirm, and it couldn’t be done in the dark. So, he illuminated the flashlight on his phone but quickly dimmed it when it nearly blinded him. And just as he suspected, the towel and the water in the big green bowl on the table were tinted beige. Now was the time to yell at her, right? He’d established his theory: Harper had covered her back in BB cream, but as to the reason…

Gently, Kyungsoo wiped the towel across her back, ignoring the curve of her spine and the dip of her waist, trying not to pay any attention to how her skin responded with a trail of goose bumps, or how she took in a sharp shaky breath at his touch. Those were not things he needed to focus on. Instead, he centered all of his attention on the deep purple, green, and yellow bruises that were exposed with each wipe. He didn’t bother to hide his grimace as he streaked away the makeup to discover more of her pain, more of her damage. And then there were the other things: other scars, other burns. Her whole body was a testament to her service, and he couldn’t decide what was worse: how injured she’d been, or how proud he suddenly found himself.

What right did he have to be proud of her for things she did before she met him? How was it any of his business what her body looked like under her stupid flannels and skinny jeans? She was Harper, she was an American. She was lazy and informal. She was his opposite in pretty much every way…

So why did this bother him? Why did he have the overwhelming urge to shake her awake and hug her tight? He wanted to promise her that she’d never get hurt again, but then the thought of not being able to keep that promise paralyzed him. His thoughts and feelings were running wild, but all the while, his hand softly slid up and down her back, never stopping to confer with his thoughts. His heart at least knew that she needed this. Her wounds needed to be cleaned, and despite literally everything his head was screaming at him right then…he owed her that much.

He let out a single huff of a laugh at the thought. What did their scorecard even look like now? Who was up, who was down? Why were they keeping score at all?

“Lo siento…” He felt the words vibrate into his hand, and he froze. Had she heard him? Did she know that he was the one who was touching her now? That he could see every curve of her and he secretly wished he could see more?  

No…her words were in Spanish. She still thought that Afton was the one taking care of her. But then—

“Lo siento…Gomen'nasai…Mianhaeyo…”

Kyungsoo dropped the towel in the bowl with a splash and gulped.

“I’m sorry.”

He watched helplessly as his hand reached out and grazed over her hair. His fingers smoothed over her head in a reassuring stroke. He shouldn’t be doing this, he panicked. This kind of thing was reserved for family or lovers. And he was neither! But still he caressed her, muttering to himself that he should leave, but also that she had nothing to be sorry for.

Not bothering to stop it, but also acknowledging he wasn’t in charge of it, his other hand drifted to her marbled back, tracing over every blemish and scar that made her. She was a patchwork of stories that he’d never heard, and he found himself truly wanting to know everything there was to know about her.

“You know,” Afton’s voice made him jump straight out of his skin, “she won’t remember anything that’s said or done tonight. She went to that show like a fool, but of course she had to one up herself by not taking her medication beforehand.” Her English was lilted by her maiden tongue, but DO had no trouble understanding what she meant: an opportunity was an opportunity.

Was it safe for him to pretend? Safe to let his mind drift to that forbidden inkling he’d locked away? He couldn’t destroy it no matter how hard he tried, so he’d banished it to the farthest reaches of his mind, burying it beneath the necessity to work out, or eat, or dance, or sing. There was always something more important than letting himself think about it. Was it really safe to let it out now? Where no one would hear, or remember?

With a swallow, he glanced at Afton out of the corner of his eye and watched as she hooked Harper up to an IV and set the drip. In the shallow light of his phone, he could see a small smirk on her face, like she knew what was going on in his head. She seemed a lot like Cat in that regard. Apparently both sisters had a knack for seeing the things people were trying to hide. It was kind of infuriating, but refreshing somehow.

When she was satisfied that Harper was settled, she walked back to the door to leave, the click of her heels on the tile like the tick of the clock he felt pounding in his brain. He either left with her, or he didn’t leave. That was the ultimatum he felt himself drifting towards. He heard the door slide open and she said,

“I don’t know if you know or not…but there are things you could give her now that she would never be able to receive again.” And then she was gone.

The silence hummed in his ears like the crash of the ocean. He did know. In fact, he was the only one who knew.

Slowly, DO rose from the stool and carried it around the bed to sit in front of Harper. Then he went and threw open the blinds that had been pulled tight over the window. The lights from the buildings around the hospital twinkled under the dark sky, making him wish for a moment that they were stars. Even on clear nights, he hardly ever saw them anymore. How was he supposed to ask them for guidance when they were constantly drowned out by the fake stars of the city?

He tore his eyes away from the beams when he heard a sharp intake of breath from the bed behind him. He turned around reluctantly, fighting the feeling of suddenly wanting to throw himself out the window. Harper’s eyes were open and wide, illuminated by the glow of the city. And she was staring at him.

Brightened by the world outside her hospital room, she looked hollowed out and pale, but he could never describe her gaze as anything but ethereal. Her stare was just so deep and enticing that he could barely breathe as she gaped at him.

“Kosei?” The prayer tumbled from her lips, and despite herself, her eye lids drooped. Her eyebrows furrowed, like she was mad that her muscles were betraying her at such a crucial moment.

She won’t remember anything that’s said or done tonight, and there are things you could give her now that she would never be able to receive again…

Afton had said. The real question now: was he going to spend this night on himself, or was he going to spend it on her? Could he play this role? Should he…

False hope was one of the cruelest gifts anyone could give, but if she wasn’t going to remember it anyway…what was the harm in making her happy for one night? Whether or not it was a lie, he was still the one doing it, right?

She whispered the name again and moved like she would try and sit up. DO immediately rushed forward and gently pushed her back into the bed, falling into that person without another thought.

“Don’t try and get up. You overdid it tonight.” It occurred to him that their tones might not be the same. His voice was usually much lower than everyone else’s, he might have ruined the illusion before it even began. And then the fact that he was speaking English. Had she taught him? Was she able to speak Japanese because they’d taught each other their languages? It seemed like such a lesson in life, to be able to hear the person you love say they love you in your tongue.

Even for him, hearing ‘salanghae’ was always more impressionable that hearing someone say ‘I love you’. Because he was Korean, and what bigger commitment could someone pay him than learn how to speak his language?

“I’m sorry.” Harper obediently laid back down, catching his hand in her own and tucking it close to her chest. He could feel her heartbeat, a slow melodic rhythm under the hammering of his own. “I didn’t mean to make you worry again.”

“I wouldn’t worry if you didn’t do such reckless things.” He scoffed and then reeled at his senselessness.

“Maybe…” She lulled while Kyungsoo nearly beat himself to death with his free hand, “but you’d be so boring otherwise.” A smile danced on her lips that made him still.

“Rude.” He snickered at her, earning a bigger grin.

This was dangerous. He felt it in his bones. He shouldn’t be doing this. But he just couldn’t stop. He wanted to be this person, the one she called out to in the darkness, the one who made her laugh even when she was hurting. Every inhibition he had crumpled in the light of the city stars behind him.

He would be Kosei.

He would be whoever she wanted.

Just for tonight. Just for this one night, because…

He would go back to being Kyungsoo when morning came, and she would never smile at him like this again.

[willreadforbooze]

Hello fellow boozie readers!

Sam’s Update:

What a week. Work was shit but I had so much social fun time and I feel invigorated. This extrovert needed her people time. It’s also Medieval-a-thon!!! Check my TBR here.

What Sam finished this week:

The Simoquin Prophecies by Samit Basu: Good LORD this book took me entirely too long and I’m not happy about it. It’s not that bad I just wasn’t in the mood and then the potential wasted was disappointing.

What Sam’s reading now:

  Medieval-a-thon Cape: Kingdom of the Blazing Phoenix by Julie C. Dao: This is the follow up to Forest of a Thousand Lanterns. Linz reviewed this second book here. I’m enjoying this far more. I didn’t like FoaTL because the MC was so so very unlikeable and not in the good way. Following Jade is far more interesting. Though, I feel like we’re going to get the repetitive gotta-catch-em-all trope but we’ll see. –

Medieval-a-thon Sword: The Heartwood Crown by Matt Mikalatos: I am about halfway through this book and I’d forgotten what an ABSOLUTE DELIGHT this world is. I loved book one, here’s my review of The Crescent Stone.

Ginny’s Update:

Hi everyone. I’m super tired because it was a good weekend and I got a lot done but this week might hurt a little bit. Luckily a bunch of good things have happened so at least it’s happy rambling.

Currently Reading:

  Becoming by Michelle Obama: I put this book on hold like six months ago. I am fucking pumped! Michelle Obama has this beautiful lyrical way of writing and I can’t wait to read more.

The Unlikely Escape of Uriah Heep by H.G. Parry: This is a book that Sam picked up and let me read before her (hahaha) because we have been flooded with books which is really the best problem in the world to have. Charley can read fictional characters into the world. Rob, his older brother, feels responsible for helping him put them back. But it turns out there are a bunch of fictional characters living out in the world and there’s a mysterious evil force too. I’m enjoying this so far. I’m pretty sure I know what the twist is gonna be, but I’m looking forward to getting there.

Finished: (Editor’s Note: Good lord Virginia…. )

  The Brazen and the Beast by Sarah MacLean: I’m not going to bother with a summary here. I like the way the heroine goes about getting her independence and really enjoyed her as a character. I felt the Whit was a perfectly fine hero unless he was talking about his creepy brother. That as a plotline didn’t super interest me. I liked the (relatively) diverse representation in this book and enjoyed the world building. 3.5/5 

After the Crown by K.B. Wagers:  The first half of this book was a little bit rough, but the second half took off like a shot. I’ve written a review of this one. Keep an eye out for it!

All Systems Red by Martha Wells: This is one of the murderbot books and I know both Sam and Parker have read them and loved them so it should come as no surprise that I loved it too! This book is all from the point of view of a cyborg that has been leased out to an exploratory group as security. They realize partway through that ‘murderbot’ is partially human and might freak out. Meanwhile there are some weird things going on and boy way this fun. Still might write a review but this was definitely a 5/5

Magic For Liars by Sarah Gailey: Imagine Harry Potter if the teenagers were more realistic dicks and everyone was pretty damn hormonal. As a murder mystery this functioned really nicely, I liked the blend of traditional ‘noir’ tropes with magic and the fantasty tropes that tend to show up there. Planning on writing a review so keeping this short.

The Governess Affair by Courtney Milan: This was a novella and was super short, but it added a little bit of background to one of her existing series. It was fun to watch the way the propriety of the past could be used as a weapon in both directions. Very fun, and the way consent was handled was ridiculously great. 4/5

The Bride Test by Helen Hoang: Gotta admit, I’m still not super sure how I feel about this one. I really enjoyed the Kiss Quotient (Linz reviewed this!) and was really looking forward to this. It’s mostly, I’m not sure I really truly believed the love story between ‘Esme’ and Khai. I enjoyed their individual story lines (the fact that Khai getting better about recognizing his own emotions being tied back to family really got me) but I felt there was a lot of telling rather than showing in the deeper emotional moments. Still, it was a perfectly fine read. 3.5/5

DNF

The Mars Room by Rachel Kushner: I don’t even remember when this book went onto my TBR. Honestly, the beginning of this book reminded me of the Goldfinch which won a ton of goddamn awards and was a fucking slog to get through. I’m not the biggest fan of misery for miseries sake. And that’s probably a harsh description of this book. All I know is that the back and forth through time storytelling aspect didn’t work for me when multiple vignettes include characters who were mind-numbingly frustrating. Between Bookcon and ALA I have so many books I desperately want to read and not nearly enough time. I didn’t feel the need to push my way through this one.

Minda’s Update:

Work trip this week then the lovely Sam’s birthday trip, so this may or may not be a big reading week, but here’s what’s on the agenda!

What Minda finished:

Wilder Girls by Rory Power – This book is pretty gruesome and descriptive, but in a good way. Just make sure you are in the mood to have your skin crawl! Release date is July 9—so be on the lookout. 

What Minda is reading now:

  Tiger Queen by Annie Sullivan – A retelling (I know, another one but I’m really into them rn) of the famous short story, “The Lady, or the Tiger.” Honestly haven’t read it, but I saw her panel on YA females in power at ALA and added it to the list!

Gravemaidens by Kelly Coon – Received the ARC on Netgalley dropping in Oct. It’s a duology featuring three women, one of whom is determined to save her sister from death. Looking forward to starting.

Linz’s Update:

Whyyyyy the fuck did I host two book clubs this weekend?

What Linz read:

  Swipe Right for Murder by Derek Milman – I’ve been seeing this pop up a LOT on social media, probably because ARCs abounded at BookCon. I’ll be reviewing, so I don’t want to say a lot, but  It’s kind of like The Fugitive, featuring The Gay Agenda.

Brazen and the Beast by Sarah MacLean – I did NOT care for Wicked and the Wallflower, but Ginny is a fan of her books and told me to give MacLean’s latest book a shot. I didn’t care that much for this one either tbh. MacLean’s writing isn’t bad by any means, but I think her style of romance novels just isn’t for me.

The Beholder by Anna Bright – Boy will I ever be reviewing this alt-history debut novel about a girl who needs to find a husband to become the next leader of her people.

What Linz is currently reading:

  The Heartwood Crown by Matt Mikalatos – awwwwwwww this book. Loving this sequel to The Crescent Stone

We Regret to Inform You by Ariel Kaplan – an overachieving high school student gets rejected from every single college she applied to, and she’s left struggling to figure out her next step. I already hate this book in the best way – it takes place in DC, and the mother and daughter share a car to school/work, and my PTSD is kicking in from the memories of learning how to drive on the Beltway with my mom.

Until next time, we remain forever drunkenly yours,

Sam, Melinda, Linz, and Ginny

Weekly Wrap-Up: June 24-30, 2019 Hello fellow boozie readers! Sam's Update: What a week. Work was shit but I had so much social fun time and I feel invigorated.

[aquarianlights]

Congrats on your school bby👏🏼👏🏼❤️ I wish I was good at school but I just can't concentrate or like even get myself to study. I know you're dealing with a lot outside of that,so how do you do it like how do you get yourself to study and actually concentrate and do so well??

Actually, tbh, I’ve never studied even once in my entire life. Because. . .well. . .I don’t know how to study. No one has ever taught me how to study. So I’m at a loss on studying. So I just don’t do it. Plus, all the stuff I’ve taken classes on so far is literally nothing more than common sense. High school was all common sense, all the courses for my AA degree have been common sense. So, albeit Idk HOW to study, I really don’t need to. Coz it’s all in my brain already. The only subject I’m bad at is math. And that’s because I have dyscalculia, meaning I have a learning disorder in math. But even that I don’t study for. I just sort of wing it on the tests and pass with a C or B, which is awfully low for me. I’m accustomed to getting A’s in all my classes and on all my assignments without any effort applied, so. . .it’s kinda startling when I get a C or a B. ._.

Anyways. . .how do I focus? Well. . .let’s just describe this situation as I have the complete opposite of ADHD/ADD. I have this crazy ability to hyper-focus on anything I choose. Doesn’t matter what it is. I can focus on things sooooooo easily. It’s like I’m unable to NOT focus. My focus is so heightened and concentrated that it doesn’t matter what the subject is. . .I can focus on it with great ease. I’m lucky in that way.

So, really, all I have to do is pay attention in class (or, in my most recent classes that have all been online, just read and watch everything required) and then I can literally do any assignment they ask me to immediately after paying attention. I was in the IB program in high school so I kind of HAD to have that kind of focusing ability.

All that. . .and I have always been really good at school. Lack of motivation is the only thing that stands in my way sometimes. So. . .honestly, I either get an A on the assignment, or I get a 0 for not turning it in. There really isn’t an inbetween for me. I tested into the IB program during high school. And the classes that weren’t offered at the IB level. . .I was forced to take AP classes instead. Coz the IB system was new then and our school was one of the first to test out the IB system. So I took IB and AP everything.

Plus, I LOVEEEEEE to learn. I mean, learning is one thing that excites me. So school is for me. I’ve always been really good at school because it’s all common sense. But. . .when I get into my core veterinary medicine classes, I’m probably going to be absolutely lost because none of that is common sense and I will actually have to LEARN something new which. . .I’ve never done before up to this point. So I’m SOMEHOW going to have to learn how to study. . .Idk how I’m gonna get through it without knowing how to study. ._. I’m definitely going to try, though. Maybe I won’t need to study if I just really pay attention in class and get some hands on practice. Rrrrgh.

Albeit I’m really good at school and am very book smart, I have NO common sense and I can’t do anything domestic. I literally almost burned my apartment in Jax down because I put something in the toaster oven that wasn’t supposed to be in there (apparently) and like. . .it caught on fire and I was calling my roommates and they were all high and didn’t know what the fuck I was talking about so I just fucking sprayed it with water and that just made everything WORSE. I was panicking like crazy so I googled how to take care of it and luckily, after taking a quick scan of the pages, I figured out I had to smother it. I mean. . .ugh. I’ve also put a packet of unopened fudge in brownies because it never said to open the packet. Haha. I’m common sense stupid. Like really. I may have a very high IQ, but I’m very literally retarded (I don’t use that word lightly) when it comes to common sense.

So I mean. . .there’s always a trade off. I bet you have wonderful common sense. c: And I bet you know how to make a bed. I’m 25 and I still can’t make a bed on my own. So uh. . .be grateful for things like that. Coz my only strength in life is my book smarts. x.x I don’t have any other useful traits. Lol. You probably have a LOT more useful traits than I do. Lmao. So, really, be thankful for the things you have. You may not be great at school, but I bet you’re really smart in other areas of life. c:

Also, that paper I got a 100 on? I’m a writer. Writing is what I do. I’ve never gotten anything less than a 100 on a paper. In high school, I got awards for my writing and I almost got a book published in 5th grade. . .but I never finished it. I never finish anything. :/ I have a hard time sticking to things because literally everything grabs my attention and then next thing I know, I’m like 15 pages deep into reading about black holes. Lmao. I got a perfect score on my state essay test and my high school teacher still uses my essays as examples for the class coz I was the best writer she’s ever had. I’m very proud of that.

I also got an opportunity in my first year of high school to go overseas and study because I had such good grades and was so smart. I never got to go because we didn’t have enough money to send me. So I missed out on that. And this isn’t really relevant but I’ve been a first chair clarinetist my whole life. Even my first year of college, I won 1st chair with my audition. I also have tons of awards for music and I have music scholarships. I was also in all-state band in my senior year of high school. I got to play with the best of the best in the state. It was AMAZING. But my school had to take us out of it early because there was a blizzard coming. It really sucked that we had to leave. I was having the time of my fucking life. . .playing with people who were actually serious about music and were really good at their instruments. As opposed to playing with a high school band made up of people who didn’t really care. I’ve played in all sorts of bands. Symphonic, Concert, Jazz, Marching, etc. I also did a lot of extra curriculars. I took tap dancing, Irish step dancing, ballet, horseback riding, piano lessons, clarinet lessons. . .just so many things. I barely had any free time as a child. 

I was also in a private catholic school from pre-k to 8th grade and it was a very difficult school to get into but I tested in. And the classes were extremely advanced. We were studying high school and college level material in middle school. So. . .I think that may have given me a jump start on being good at school. And our band was state-renowned so we got to play at Disney one time. . .and they shut down the whole park after that so that it was literally just us in the band in the park and we got to do anything we wanted. There were no lines anywhere. . .we just got free roam of the park and got to go on any ride we wanted. It was fucking amazing. The highlight of my musical career was in my first semester in college. We got to play the whole score to Star Trek: Into Darkness. And I was first chair so I got all the solos. It was absolutely amazing. Being a trekky like I am, that became the highlight of my career as a musician because I had never had so much fun playing a piece in my entire life. And I was section captain in Marching Band.

I also did a lot of other things in high school. I was secretary of the Art Club, Vice President of Foreign Language club, secretary of our music club, I was an editor and columnist for the school newspaper, envirothon, I was on the debate team for a while, and I ran track for a year. I also started my own environmental club that I was Captain of. We went out and cleaned up the roads and I gave speeches at rally’s about recycling and green options.

Needless to say, I was in the town newspaper a lot for my accomplishments. Lol. I was very involved in high school. . .and now I’ve had a solid 4.0 for the past few semesters and my GPA has never dropped below a 3.5 in my entire college career. So. . .there’s that, too.

Ahhh, I’m just really proud of my accomplishments. Haha. I did so much in high school in order to get into a good college and I’ve spent my college years trying harder to get into a good university. Idk where I’m going to start my bachelors program, though. I’m not stopping in school until I get a Ph.D. That’s been my dream since I was very little was to get a Ph.D. I’m never giving up on it.

BUT I’M ON A TANGENT. SO SORRY.

I hope that explains at least a little to help with your question. ;A; Sorry I go off topic a lot. Lol.

AND THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE CONGRATS! n_n That made me smile. :3

[unleashmywreckedhopes]

Personal Logs : 01.06.17 10:38 AM

This morning was slightly better. I haven’t yelled or argued with Gary, instead I cleaned. I did some laundry, pick up dirty clothes, packed dishwasher with dirty dishes/pots. I find cleaning somewhat calm because Gary can play his game while I can really focus on something else.

My occuring violent behaviour is very humiliating. I was like this in high school but I was suicidal back then as well. It went away after high school. I have ensure a healthy mindset until I began pursue career in trade and developed a romantic relationship with Gary. He kept thinking he’s the reason I’m depressed is because he play games 10+ hours everyday day.. I am depressed because I no longer feel like a woman figure due to my career choice.

I am the only deaf woman in my career (likely the first) and I am attempting to compete two careers at same time. I am a mechanic and carpenter. I have to dress like a man everyday, act tough as I am always around man. I absolutely cannot show my weakness, any female in trades would understand. I also lost my sexuality as a female because my bedroom situation with Gary is dead.

Paused: Gary walked in and let me know that I have a shuttle on way for us. We end up having a big argument and it end up on parking lot outside of GM dealership.  

3.26 PM

I am no longer in touch with my female identity, which made me depressed. I cut my own hair, shop at second-hand stores, dress like man everyday. It makes me feel me like I was born man, and I hate it. It’s been a year since I have ever glamoured myself up. I work 40/hr wk with lot of overtime, my uniform is strictly a simple grey t-shirt, black jean, and steel-toed boots.

I remembered the day when I had a year break from working, I’d focused so much on my appearances. At the same time, I was offered a choice to attend any school in province to pursue a career. I did lot of research on courses. Originally, I chose to take wedding planner courses for fun, but my mom encouraged me to take something that would be more beneficial. I’ve always enjoyed writing, in any forms of art/business but I was also very handy.

When I was 9, you would see me building a BBQ for my grandpa within 4 hours for the first time. My grandpa then introduced me to building the deck at age 11. My dad would let me help with his various projects, taught me how to keep things strong/stable for a long time. Sometimes, he don’t even have to teach me because I always watched carefully. I thought my friends do the same thing with their parent. I don’t have the opportunity to hang out with lot of people my age as I was bullied a lot to the point I don’t really want to see anyone. My friends preferred to hang out but I loved to be at home and watch dad building or fixing things. Watching and learning how to construct was way more fun than getting allergies from friends` dogs or get bullied by people.

Back to the point; I chose Millwright (Industrial Mechanic) as a career to pursue. I felt very confident when my instructor accepted me in 1 year earlier than on the waitlist. I try to feel feminine and wear make up while doing the courses but… it felt so wrong. I eventually quitted using make-up and go bare. People began to respect me, but it was just for the job. Outside of school/work, I try to wear make-up and I absolutely loves plaforms. .  

Roughly at the same time, I began the BDSM lifestyle. I found pain to be the pleasure for me and it made me feel so sexy! I shopped for lingeries, toys, and make up. I ate very healthy, began to work out. As result I had lost 30 lbs. I also loved my look, appearances, had low insecurities. It became an occasion man would ask me to dates. I wasn’t interested, and was very happy with myself. I was very focused in passing in school. However, I did enjoy dates.

I won BC Hydro award at at my polytechnic university. It’s one of the largest award for trade school. I passed each exam with flying colours (90+%) and I had done horribly in high school so it was a big change. I was so damn proud of myself. One of our temporary instructors was a military kind of dude so he was very tough.

He looked at me scoffed and said, “Blind is better than deaf”. He gave us a project where he would fuck up the drill and we have to sharpen it manually. We had tolerance of .001 inch to make a perfect aligned drill and only machine can do high as .0001 inch. This was craftmanship kind of test.

Well, I struggled but eventually sharpened a drill back to it’s shape and gave it to the instructor. He measured it and looked at me with surprise. “You got .00015, no human have ever got it this perfect” he shook my hand and was impressed. He eventually believed that I can go far.

This was my life, this was my talent. I became that girl at trade school, I am also the first deaf woman to take a trade course in my school.

My point is, my passion in the man dominated field have took a toll on my woman personality. I began to feel plain, ugly, and worthless. I couldn’t have chance to doll up because I am usually too tired or worn out.

I met Gary when I was very happy with myself in the beginning. I met him and he said I was gorgeous. He was very nervous, I thought it was so adorable. At the time I was only interested in hook-ups but… Gary was so polite and didn’t want to push me. We had a nice conversations, he asked me out and I didn’t mind.

It started from there, then I started that 40HR/WK job.. I became too tired to keep up with my girly appearances and stopped it again. I was scared it turns Gary off, I eventually became so insecure to the point where I feel girls everywhere is more prettier than I am. I cries at the thought of Gary looking at woman because they’re prettier than me. We began to arguing often, he turned to gaming and eventually dates/sex faded. He have no interest in BDSM, tried to encourage me to continue it with a dominant… As much I’d like to, I have absolutely no interest in having two different man touch me. Especially when I only have only one I’d rather to touch me… unfortunately Gary have almost no sex drive. He never liked to flirt, tease, or any of sexual move.  He and I know I am desperate for it and Gary’s fine with other guy playing with me, it makes me feel very guilty. I feel it’s unfair because I know he’s monogamous.. So am I. He isn’t really into sex and said to be “awkward” about it. But when he do have the drive… sex is wild.

I think I find it’s very uncomfortable because the arrangement is unique and different compares to common partners.

I should stop rambling. This will continue tomorrow.