#first i had a massive panic attack in front of her and now this

[sirnica]

God's weakest solider strikes again.

We went out and she hugged me and I kissed her cheek and played with her hair and we held hands.

And then my blood sugar plummeted and not even cotton candy or a full meal could get it back. I feel like a corpse and I don't know how I got home (we were biking).

I am being both a "cool girl" and a "nice guy" so this will probably end in disaster, but I really wanted to cuddle and watch a movie with her 😭

[icarusredwings]

Be warned. I wrote this at midnight. I have no clue what im talking about. Do you get it?

"Why doesn't this wolverine teach history? Other wolverine did"

Well, because THAT Wolverine had a Charles. Let me remind you just how fragile Logan's mental state is and just how quickly his brain can throw him into a temporary amnesia due to shock and / or panic that is triggered by his CPTSD.

The thing is, this Wolverine has a Wade. Not a Charles. Sure, Jean could probably do something to him if things got too crazy but you know just how dangerous of territory that would be. Yes, Charles doesn't have a healing factor but it was his confidence and perfect reassuring words that helped him, plus If something did happen Im pretty sure he wouldn't blame him much anyway. He knows what hes dealing with. This isnt to say that jean doesn't but I can see her panicking too much and Logan would feed off of that fear and panic and become worse.

Wade, on the other hand, is neither calm nor says the right things, BUT he can't die :D Which is a massive YES when it comes to dealing with a panicking 3+ time war veteran with knife hands. And is known to attack first ask later.

Trying to teach the kids about 'Nam, a thing sets him off. He stares off into space for a bit, Backs up and his breath gets heavy. The hairs on his arms are raised up and his pupils dilate, they widden and its as if he doesn't even remember he's a teacher.

When he starts the whole "Who are you? Where am I!?" Thing, a student (probably the oldest or one that's been dubbed most responsible) slowly just gets up and leaves to tell a trusted adult.

"Mrs. Munroe?"

"Yes?"

"Mr. Howlett is acting funny again."

"Okay darling. Go fetch Mr. Wilson for me? There's a dear."

She, calm as ever walks into the class room, standing away from the door so not to make him feel trapped, and very clearly shows her hands as she gestures the kids to leave.

Backing himself into a corner, he watches them one by one leave, Gripping at the chalk boards ledge and the windowsil, trying to balance and ground himself.

"Come now children. Quietly and slowly please. Good job. Go next door to Mrs. Summers please." Sending them to the next class room so to leave this one empty.

She stands off to the side of the room. Hands in front of her, smiling softly. "Hello Logan."

"What? Who are you?" He almost hisses but can't help but to feel not so threatened. He always did have a sweet spot for women. Maybe its their scent difference, but like most reactive animals, he's a little calmer for women. A little more trusting.

"Im a dear friend of yours. My name is Ororo. You are in no danger here." She states this practiced sentence with the same whisper of a voice.

"Where the fuck am I. How did I get here!? Did you bring me here!?" At this point he's growling.

"Logan, I assure you that no one forced you here. This is a school. You're a teacher."

"A teacher..?" Just a tad he softens, as if you had just told someone who wanted to be a vet when they grew up that they actually would become a very good vet, except the look in his eyes was as if questioning why they would ever him do that. Be a teacher I mean.

"Yes. If you would like to leave that is okay." She slowly sits in a spare chair, her leg crossing, not knowing how long she will need to play baby sitter but she hoped someone soon would alert the other staff of this. It IS a safety risk after all and Ororo knew that if he hurt anyone at all he'd immediately regret it terribly so when he woke.

"You.. you told her to go get someone. Why? Who are you getting? For what!?" Another snap, as if he thought she was trying to trick him into letting his gaurd down.

She smiles. "Your husband."

"What the fuck do you mean my 'husband'!? What are you sayin' lady!?" The venom in the way he says this makes her giggle a bit. Oh, goodness. He really did lose all of his memories, didn't he? How was the same man who once was so dastardly in love with scott to the point of shredding his heart into a gazillion pieces and is married to the silliest man alive, so internally homophobic? The irony of the thought made her laugh.

"And that kids is how you slice someone into sushi. Rice not included-" His weapons tatics and saftey class is interrupted.

"Mr. Wilson?"

"Oh hey, squirt! You wanna learn how to disconnect someone's joints without even leaving a puncture wound?"

"Maybe later.. uhm...Mr. Howlett's scared again..."

You just see Wade running out on these kids like "I'M COMING WOLVIE!"

"What, you think it's funny!? I ain't got a husband lady! Now, Im leaving! And there's nothing you can do to stop me!" He goes to walk out the door only to run into said husband, who immediately hugs him.

"Babe!! Hi! They told me- OUCH- okay yeah I deserved that- no tocuhy I forgot."

And is stabbed.

"What the fuck is wrong with you!? Get off me! Freak!"

"D'aawww!! Did you see that? He called me a freak! I hate to tell ya cupcake, but you're married to this freak. Now, what's wrOOW- Mad kitty are we? Woah there tiger! Easy boy!"

Logan looks at him, confused, stabs him again, and is trying to figure out why Wade's not dying. He goes to slash him in the head and wades like "WAITWAITWAIT NOT INFRONT OF THE KIDS-"

Mrs. Munroe, by now, has gotten up and left, closing the door and letting out a big sigh, wondering what shade of red they were going to paint the room this time.

She does a little clicky on her walkie and infroms all the staff about the situation and so for the next half hour or so, Logan's kids get to skip class and said classroom now needs a deep scrub.

And this ladies and gentlemen is why this Logan doesn't teach history anymore.

P.E. is SOOOO much easier on his mental status, and sometimes Wade joins, and he puts the whole class against him to make them work on their team building skills. Plus- it's funny to watch your husband get slapped in the head with 20 dodgeballs.

[army93bangya]

The Moon Goddess's Chosen | Chapter 4| MYG [M]

*Chapter 4

*Summary: Y/N wakes up disoriented in unfamiliar surroundings, what is going to happen to her now that she has been taken from her father? What will Alpha Min do to her now that she is in his grasp?

*Genre/Rating: Mature, 18+, Werewolf/Fated mates, eventual smut? 🤔🤷🏻‍♀️

*Warnings/Potential Triggers: Talks Child of Abuse, Abuse, Non-con Touching, Non-con Confinement, Angst, Mistreatment, Being Detained, Anxiety, Nervousness, Mention of Murder, Mention of plotting Murder, Reader is going thru it, Confrontation, Slight mention of Rape, Poisoning, Possible future Smut,….more to be added in future chapters.

*Disclaimer: This work was written and owned by Army93bangya and there is no consent for anyone else to post it as theirs, this story is intended for entertainment purposes only, this story is a work of fantasy, seems a bit ridiculous to say but I do not own or have rights to BTS or the members and the characters in this story are a fictional interpretation of members. Wolfsbane is an actual poison and there truly is no cure. DO NOT EVER INGEST WOLFBANE!

*Words: 5060

*Notes: Well...here we are.. I don't even know what to say. Currently this story is slow burn, but I am just kind of going with the flow when writing it so that could change. Jimin is an absolute sweetheart! Don't come for Y/N her trust issues are real with good reason. I did a tiny amount of research on herbs and wanted something somewhat realistic in the story for a medicine to help with her poisoning. Khella is a real herb that is native to certain parts of the Mediterranean and Asia and can be used medicinally for heart ailments. I will leave a link with an article I read for the purpose of this story. As always thank you so much for reading and please leave me a comment telling me what you think so far! :)

7 Health Benefits of Khella - Healthy Focus

Previous Chapter ------ Next Chapter

You're comfortable. That's the first thing you register when you start to regain consciousness. Maddie must have found more padding and blankets for your bed, she is such an amazing friend. UGH your body and head both ache with the aftermath of the wolfsbane, feels like you drank a ton of wine and are now hungover, only worse. Did you faint? Did Darius carry you to your be- Wait! As your mind starts to catch up you remember the gathering, Maddie mated and led away, your own mate connection made to Alpha Min, the words spoken, Alpha Mins words in particular being a great concern, Darius’s futile attack, the beta that had you and…and…he lifted you into his arms. Your father was bested. No no no no! This can not be happening! 

Your eyes are heavy but you manage to open them and take in your surroundings. Letting out a breath of relief to find that you are currently alone, But it is overly obvious that this isn't your bedroom, or your tent at camp. You're snuggled into a massive pile of blankets and furs on a platform of some kind about a foot off the ground. The bed you are in is situated at the far left corner of this huge tent with a chair positioned right next to it. In front of you to the left of the entrance is a couple decent size baskets and a big chest. A modest fire pit is set up at the center of the tent with its embers currently banked, two stoops stand upright for sitting outside of a stone barrier that circles the pit. The front right corner is blocked off by a couple partitions and in the back right corner of the tent is a large long table with benches set up on both sides that look like they could fit four people on each bench, a chair sits at the head of the table facing the entire tent. A tent this size with such furniture inside for a temporary encampment can only mean one thing. This is the alphas tent, You’re in Alpha Mins tent…in his bed.

Don't Panic! You can't freak out right now, need to think. You don't know how long you will be alone in this tent so it's best to use what time you have to reflect on everything that has happened, and come up with the best course of action. What do you do? With everything you have heard about this pack and your fated mate, it would be unwise to think you will be treated with any type of kindness, you're not that dense. Alpha Min could come through that entrance at any second, he is unpredictable and almost completely unreadable. He might come in and hurt you or force himself on you. No you can't stay, so that leaves you with two options. Either you stick around and try to placate Alpha Min into believing you want to be his mate, maybe he won't hurt you if you are compliant. You would just have to wait and hope that your father can successfully retrieve you. It is not the best option, and you REALLY don't want to go back to your father and Darius either, but it is the better option as it is more likely to be a successful outcome. 

The alternative would be to find Maddie and attempt an escape. You can not run and leave Maddie to this fate, no you would have to find her in this camp first. But where would you even go? Two she wolves on the run are a massive target to both rogues and packs. And it would be foolish to try to seek refuge with any pack. There would be too many questions that would need to be answered before a pack would take you in. Not to mention packs that provide sanctuary to outsiders are the first places your father and Alpha Min would look. No you would have to go rogue and find unclaimed territory to hide in, somewhere far away. That is if you could even succeed in the impossible feat of escaping. 

You would need to inspect the complete layout of the Bangtan camp, find the best spot to sneak out of here while observing for the best possible moment as well. Locating Maddie is a top priority and you are hopeful that you would be allowed to speak to her alone. It is most likely that Alpha Min will keep you under guard, so being able to get away from your keeper is something you have to take into account too. But perhaps the biggest difficulty with this plan is Alpha Min himself. Taking everything he disclosed at the gathering and assessing it you know he will be your largest obstacle. For reasons unknown to you, he wants you, and you don't take him for a wolf that rolls over and accepts defeat. With his heightened senses it will be near impossible to get away from him undetected. And with him being your mate he will be able to pick up your scent easily. So if you are successful in fleeing undetected the next challenge would be being able to evade him till you get a far enough distance. With so many unknown variables it would be next to impossible to escape. Basically both options are awful, uncertain, and unfavorable. 

You're doomed. And you really need to relieve yourself. You glance at the entrance and instantly anxiety saturates you completely. You can do this, laying here is not going to accomplish anything, you have to do this. Besides, if you urinate in Alpha Min's bed that probably won't endear you to him at all, and the thought of being in his bed when he comes back is an immediate motivator to find your courage. Slowly you lift up into a sitting position, the dress that you wore to the gathering is still on your body so that somewhat soothes you. You find your shoes positioned neatly by the bed, removing the blankets from your body and sliding your legs off the bed you grab the sandals and strap them to your feet. You yearn to be able to just shift to wolf form and go relieve yourself easily, maybe explore without having to speak to anyone. But your father only let you shift when necessary, when the itch to do so became too much. He did not like you being in wolf form so you're not about to do so here without approval first. You need to be compliant, obedient so that with luck your time here will be as painless as possible. 

You let out a groan as you stand, your body feels stiff and everything aches. Surprisingly though you don't feel quite as sore as you usually do coming off of wolfsbane and that gives you pause. You get a flicker of a foggy memory, being held up in a sitting position and having liquid coaxed down your throat. Huh. They weren't lying about the healer it seems. You are used to the wolfsbane running its course through your system and it is usually about a week before you are feeling back to normal. They must have given you Khella tea. While there is no cure for wolfsbane, Khella is known to aid in ridding the body of the toxin quicker thus speeding up recovery time. Judging on how you currently feel and if they give you more Khella tea, you will probably be fully recovered in about three to four days instead of your regular seven to eight days. But until then you will bear the discomfort as you always have and face the outside of this tent. 

It is bright when you first step outside, you squint your eyes and give them a moment to adjust before taking in your surroundings. Alpha Min's tent seems to be at the back of the camp as there is a big open area in front of you with a communal fire in the center for cooking and heating water. There are several tents on both sides of the area left open for the pack to congregate. “LUNA!” your eyes shoot towards the loud exclaim to take in a man briskly approaching you. On instinct you take a step back closer to the tent you just came out of and he instantly stops a few feet from you. Oh. You recognize him. It's the beta that came to you after Darius released you, the one who still seems to be calling you Luna. Funny he looks about as nervous as you feel. “Luna, you should not be out of bed in your condition. I was just coming to check on you. I am so happy you are awake but we should really get you back into bed to rest.” Before you can be concerned by his words, he gives you a boyish smile and visibly softens his entire demeanor completely contradictory to everything you have heard so far about the wolves in this pack.

Even though he seems genuine with his caring demeanor and sweet smile you know better than to be led into a false sense of security and let your guard down. No matter how endearing he looks right now. But for your own well being you will play along to this facade you seem to have walked into. You try to appear more at ease before answering him. “I'm sorry, I didn't know I was not supposed to leave the bed, but I really have an urgent matter to attend to.” You give him a pointed look and his eyes widen and he starts garbling words before being able to actually respond. “Ofcourse Luna! let me guide you to an area to take care of that!” He turns to look at the two other men he seemed to be talking to before identifying your presence and bolting to you. “Can you guys go find Alpha and let him know that his mate is awake?” They both incline their heads and walk away to perform the task given to them. You hope it takes them a very long time to find him.

The beta promptly turns back to you, gives you a sheepish look, and raises his arm to show you what direction to take. You start slowly walking and he instantly falls into step with you hovering an arm behind you like he wants to wrap it around you or is worried you will fall. “How do you feel?” You had been trying to analyze the area and layout of the camp as much as possible when his soft question came out. “Better with some sleep. Thank you.” There, polite and short. He shoots you a concerned look and continues to inspect you like he is worried you are going to keel over and die on him right here and now. Regardless if he is putting on a show for you or not, his jumpy fretting exterior is humorous to you. It is like he is scared of YOU. The thought is amusing and you can not help the slight upturn of your mouth, the subtle softening of your features. 

The change in your gaze seems to be the balm he needs, because he immediately becomes more at ease and begins to cheerfully engage you in conversation. “It is such a relief to know you are feeling better! We were all extremely worried about you, Yoongi was very distressed with your condition. It is not often any of us see him in such an agitated state anymore, he is an expert at masking his emotions. Oh! My name is Jimin by the way, I apologize for not introducing myself sooner but it definitely didn't seem like the right time.” Jimin lets out a nervous laugh. You think back to your first contact with him, how gentle he was with you, how he tried to soothe you. Dammit! He seems so kind and endearing you have to remind yourself letting your guard down would be detrimental to you. Dread passes through you when his words about Alpha Min being agitated registers. Does this alpha get violent when upset? You will have to be extremely observant around him, cooperate entirely so that hopefully his anger will not be directed towards you.

You are almost to a secluded wooded area that Jimin is leading you towards. You decide then that he seems safe enough to talk with, while discreetly attempting to gather some information from. Also it would only be polite if you provide him with your name as well, and it would be a plus if he stopped calling you by the title of an alphas mate. “My name is Y/N. I wanted to thank you for helping me at the gathering. If you don't mind me asking, where is Alpha Min now?” He studies you for a second, but not in a bad way. Instead it is like he is checking to see if you are upset about the alphas absence before responding. “Your mate has been by your side as much as he can, but as the alpha he knows it is also his job to keep his pack safe. He left earlier to run our camp's perimeter and personally receive updates from all the wolves acting as sentries to the borders he has set. Don’t worry Luna, I'm sure as soon as he hears you are awake he will finish quickly and return to you.”

Just as he finishes speaking you reach the outline of trees, saved from having to respond to everything that is expelled out of Jimin's mouth. You’re gonna need some time to mull over his words and all of the implications before coming up with another question that doesn't sound too intrusive. Jimin follows you into the woods, he makes an excuse that you are still recovering and he needs to make sure you are safe, but it just confirms that you were right in your assumption earlier. It looks like you will indeed be kept under constant watch. He does however move a few paces away before giving you his back. So Alpha Min has put precautions in place and is monitoring the area his pack has made camp. Even in neutral territory where there is supposed to be no attacks or acts of violence outside of simple mate disputes, he is taking strategic defensive steps in case your father decides to try something. It is a wise decision, you wouldn't put it past your father to have already met with his betas and concocted a plan. 

Doing your business quickly you make your way back to Jimin and stop by his side. He starts to analyze you from head to toe as soon as his body is turned towards you. “Let's get you back to camp and back in bed so that Yoongi doesn't have my head. Okay Luna?” You freeze staring at him but he has a slightly playful look on his face that says he is joking and you turn to start walking, before he can comment on your panicked flash change in body language. Still so weak from the wolfbane, and the exhaustion of all the emotional turmoil you have been put through so recently, this simple walk has you feeling completely drained and pushing yourself to make it back to where you apparently were supposed to stay. Breath coming out labored you are almost out of the trees and back to the clearing of the camp when you sway and your body starts to give out. Stumbling you hear Jimin curse through the slight ringing in your ears, he catches you before you completely lose balance and once again you are hoisted into the betas arms. Jimin is now carrying you and walking at a fast pace towards the camp. The thought of being carried by the beta into camp leaves you feeling both ashamed and weak for all the eyes of this pack to see. “I can walk on my own, I just need to catch my breath for a second.”

Jimin stops walking and angles his head to look you in the eye. “Please let me do this for you Luna. You still have wolfsbane in your system, I can not imagine the kind of pain you are in or how exhausted you must feel. Your mate has asked me to watch over you, to protect you while he is not here. I will do anything and everything to make sure that you are taken care of until he returns.” You lower your gaze to your hands that are resting in your lap out of learned behavior. He must take your silence as acceptance because he starts his fast walk back to camp. “Why do you call me that?” he doesn't falter in steps but he does shoot his head down to look at you in confusion. “What?” “Luna. Why do you call me Luna?” Jimin looks away but you can see him smiling. “Because that's what you are. Even without my Alphas mark, you are his mate and Bangtans Luna. But we also know you are so much more than that arent you?” 

He is gazing at you again with such a warm bright look that you have to turn your head away to escape it. Instead you look to see that you are almost back to the Bangtan camp and begin to feel the anxiety creep in. “Please put me down before we make it back to the camp.” Jimin is silent for a few seconds, seeming to be mulling over your request. Then he is looking at you again and listening to your breathing which has settled back down. “If you let me continue to offer you support and help you back to your tent I will let you back on your feet.” Did he really just give you a compromise for walking on your own two feet or being carried?! You let out a slight snort of exasperation before nodding your head in agreement. He grins and shoots you a look raising his eyebrows that says he also finds you somewhat exasperating as well. His playfulness puts a simple quick smile on your face before you are gazing towards your destination again. 

Jimin puts you down when you are but a few paces from the closest tent and puts his arm around your waist to take some of your weight while you walk back to camp. His hold is firm but extremely gentle compared to Darius’s painful grip that you're sure left a bruise you haven't been able to examine yet. You give him a look that says this is unnecessary, but he just gives you a somewhat stern one back and you decide not to argue. Making your way back to Alpha Min’s tent there are more people out and moving about the camp than before. People are looking at you and staring with looks that can only be recognized as admiration. Some even go so far as to bow their heads to you and Jimin as you walk past. It makes you extremely uncomfortable and confused, you do not meet anyone's gaze after that. You begin to contemplate what this pack thinks it is you can do for them that has them so thrilled to see you. That overwhelming dread is back, what will Alpha Min and this pack do to you when they find out you do not have complete control over your gifts and try not to use them when you are able and not fighting wolfsbane poisoning.

You make it back to the open area between tents with the fire and an older woman with the marks of a healer makes a beeline for you. "There you are! Jimin! Why did you take her out of bed? I wasn't gone that long but imagine my panic when I came back to find her missing! almost sounded an alarm!" You watch with wide eyes as the irked woman rants at Jimin and smacks him on the arm not wrapped around you. "Kit she had to relieve herself! What was I supposed ---" The betas words become background as a knowing sense shoots down your spine and you turn your head feeling the drawing of the mate connection right when Alpha Min and 2 of his other betas come into view between tents making their way into the open area. He stops walking when his eyes immediately snap to yours most likely feeling the pull as well. Alpha Min looks directly into your eyes for only a few seconds before taking in your position leaning heavily on his beta, his face tightens and you see his jaw clench. You start to panic when he starts advancing straight towards you with a pissed off look on his face. In flight mode you begin attempting to get out of Jimin's grasp so you can try to escape the alphas sudden wrath but freeze when Alpha Min lets out an impressive growl before he is suddenly upon you scooping you into his arms. Startled, your arms act on their own and fling themselves over both of the alphas shoulders so that you can grip him for purchase. He doesn't even halt his movements when he lifts you, continuing straight to his tent. 

Once back where you started the alpha goes straight to his bed placing you upon it. He places a knee on the bed and begins to reach his hand toward you. On instinct you start attempting to backpedal away from him. Alpha Min puts his hand down and straightens his body. Maybe he wasn't as stoic as you believed because he is giving you a bewildered look, almost stunned even, like he can't believe you are frightened of him. “You do not need to be fearful of me. I will never purposefully hurt you. No one in this entire pack is going to hurt you. You are safe here, with me.” Eyes wide you just stare at him, unable to process thoughts enough to respond. What would you even say? That you don't believe him at all? Shit your plan was to be compliant and you are already fucking it up! He places his bent leg back on the ground before crouching down so it is not to seem like he is towering over you. The alpha just stares at you with a blank look. Not in a bad way but like he is patiently giving you time to calm down and talk to him. 

Your terror and panic greatly decreases seeing him with a calmer exterior, and you are saved from having to collect yourself and come up with an amicable reply when the healer's voice breaks through the stare off you both seem to be having. “Alpha may we enter?” Alpha Min turns his head to the entrance before straightening back to his full height and turning to face the entrance. “Yes.” Although his back is now to you he does not move from the bedside. If you were naive and mate-struck then his placement in front of you would seem more of a protective stance. Heck maybe it is in a possessive way. The healer, Jimin, and the two betas that were just at their alphas side all enter the tent. Both the betas, unknown to you, perch on stumps near the fire facing their alpha while the healer starts to make her way to you completely disregarding Alpha Min as she passes him. Jimin stands a few feet in front of his leader looking very twitchy. Focused on the alpha and his endearing beta you startle when you feel a hand placed on your shoulder, sucking in a quick inhale of breath and causing all eyes in the room to snap to you. Alpha Min is facing you again, eyes flitting between your face and the hand on your shoulder. 

“I'm sorry Luna, I didn't mean to startle you. My name is Kit, I am one of Bangtans healers. I would like to take a look at you and ask some questions if that is okay?” Your eyes flit between the alpha and his once again blank expression to the healer before giving her a nod of affirmation before looking down at your hands held together in your lap. You feel Kit reach for your neck gently to feel your pulse before hearing someone clear their throat prompting you to look back up at the alpha and his betas. “Luna woke up and had to relieve herself. We had just made it back to camp.” You feel embarrassment at Jimin discussing your need to piss with multiple ears in the room. Alpha Min sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. “Jimin, you could have gotten a bucket for her so that she did not have to strain herself walking into the woods. She still has wolfsbane in her system and needs rest, not to mention I don’t like the idea of you two on the outskirts of camp while I am still trying to determine the threat level we could possibly be facing.” Jimin lowers his head to stare at his feet in submission. “I’m sorry alpha, I will not fuck up again.”

You want to say something to defend Jimin, he did nothing wrong and has been nothing but kind towards you….so far. Curse your soft heart. “Luna, your pulse is elevated and your fever is spiking again. I’m going to make you some more Khella tea. How much pain are you experiencing?” Welp all eyes are back on you again and you almost want to die at having your anxiety ridden heart rate being announced in front of these wolves. Alpha Mins eyes are back on you, his form is tense, fist clenched. You don't want to say the wrong thing and make him even more angry so you settle with a quiet ‘I’m fine’. Kit huffs at you seemingly exasperated. “Luna please don't put on a brave face and be dishonest with me. I know a extensive amount about wolfsbane poisoning and how much pain it causes to radiate throughout the body.” You don't know what to do or how to respond, on one hand you are afraid to say the wrong thing and make this alpha mad, but looking at this healer you know she isn't gonna let you get by with short feeble answers.”The pain is there but bearable, the Khella tea is helping and should shorten the recovery time. I usually just have to sleep it off and that typically takes seven to eight days.”

Kits face has taken on shock and the entire tent is eerily quiet before Alpha Min breaks the silence. “What do you mean you usually have to sleep it off?” His voice comes out in an almost growl and you visibly flinch. The alpha takes a small step back and the look on his face can not be mistaken. He is upset and you are wondering what you said wrong. “I’m sorry Alpha Min I should have explained better. When I have wolfsbane in my system it typically takes me seven to eight days to recover with rest. I have built up a slight tolerance to the poison though and this was a smaller dose so I may recover quicker. Well I will recover faster with the Khella tea regardless.” The alpha takes on a stoic expression and slowly approaches you. You stay still this time when he crouches next to the bed, his eyes stay on your face as he slowly raises his hand to rest on yours in your lap. The current of the mate bond flows through the both of you. His touch proves to be the remedy your heart needs to slow and your entire body to calm. “How many times have you been poisoned with wolfsbane?” His voice is soft when he asks and he maintains a calm exterior, like he is cautious not to frighten you. You don't know what to make of his eyes though. They look pained. Like he is the one hurting from poison and not you. It leaves you feeling flustered and so unsure that you stutter your response. “ I-I’m not sure. I never really thought to count.” You drop your eyes back to your lap. Looking at his hand gently resting on top of yours, he gives a tiny squeeze prompting you to meet his eyes again.

Jimin takes a step forward breaking the trance you two seemed to be in when you glance at him. He looks tormented. Like it was his fault you were poisoned. It is all too much, you feel stripped and vulnerable all of a sudden. Not to mention extremely confused and conflicted with the way they are acting towards you. Kit seems to pick up on this placing a calming hand on your upper back. “Alpha, a hot bath would help alleviate some of the pain in your mate's body as well as her fever.” Alpha Min looks at her and then back at you before nodding, removing his hand from yours, and standing to address his betas. “Kook. Jimin. come with me to have water heated and walk the camp, Hoseok will you stay here?” The muscled up beta simply stands and starts walking to the entrance while the other gives a bright grin before nodding. Jimin shoots you a small smile and follows muscle-beta out of the tent. The healer huffs and mumbles something about ‘overprotective’ but that's all you get from your spot next to her. The Alpha moves to the right corner moving the partitions aside to reveal a tub before turning to look at you one last time and waltzing out of the tent. You clench your hands together feeling bereft with the alphas exit, his warm hand no longer holding yours. That frustrates you even more because it feels like your body is betraying you. He is dangerous and unknown, and when he is near his scent and presence intoxicates you to the point you want to rub yourself all over him until you're drenched in his scent and warmth. Yep. You're screwed.

[sizebrained]

It's So Hot, Can We Go To The Pool? Part 1

Ok, this is the very first thing I've ever shared in terms of G/t writing so be kind.

I hit Tumblr's max length every post, sorry not sorry. I retconned this from when I first wrote it to make Ben bigger than I originally thought. Muwahaha. Also Hazel's haircolor.

It's meant to be an intro that takes place in the middle when everyone's dynamics were already established.

Content Warning: Adult themes, somewhat suggestive romantic/sexual interests. Mentions of nudity, war, death, danger, terror, injury, PTSD, and panic attacks. But also fluff.

***

The condo was eerily quiet, but that suited Ben just fine. The air inside it, however, felt heavy and still. Ben could do without that on such a hot July day. The air inside was so heavy and still because the building’s air conditioning system was broken, and it was supposed to be brand new.

“Top of the line” the realtor had told him. “Top of the line” was doing absolutely nothing for him now.

The single oversized ceiling fan in the main living space helped, but not much when the air was this humid. Ben looked up at the fan whirring as fast as it could manage to try and cool the air. He guessed that if he were to jump, he could slap it to help it along.

But he figured that he would more likely just break it, given the state of the “top of the line” air conditioning. And he couldn’t jump like he used to anyway. Well actually he just wasn't sure…

He really missed moving his body like he used to before the accident. Almost half a year on crutches was awful. But his older sister, Sam, told him that he shouldn’t be pushing himself.

She insisted that he needed a few more months of physical therapy with her before he tried to pull any stunts. He figured jumping up to slap a ceiling fan counted as a stunt. Especially one that was hanging from the ceiling 10 feet up.

But standing 7'3" inches tall, it didn't seem that high to Ben. With his reach and vertical leap, Ben knew he could have probably done it a year ago. But that was before the car accident. His basketball days are over now thanks to that wreck.

The thought made him bend over and absentmindedly rub his left knee cap with a sigh. It was like he was developing some kind of nervous tick.

His long fingers took turns gently tracing his surgery scars. Even with the surgeon’s best efforts, Ben still thought he looked like they had used a lawnmower on him. It made him self-conscious about his body, which he already had enough of before adding surgery scars to the mix. His lower back, shoulders, arms, and some parts of his legs already took the brunt of his big body's rapid expansion over the years leaving stretch marks from his growth. At least the stitches from his latest procedure had dissolved and were no longer itching him.

Lost in his own train of thought, Ben had carelessly bent down at the waist to play with his scars. This made the massive college student’s whole upper body tilt forward at an angle.

“Mind what you are doing, please!!!” shouted a small voice from his left shoulder. It was said in a gentle tone, instead of annoyed as someone would expect given the result of Ben's thoughtless movement. Something about her British accent always made Ben think Mary Poppins was living with him.

The voice came from a tiny, young looking woman who was shorter than any one of Ben’s long fingers. Even his thumb was bigger than her. She was standing with the front of her body facing the profile of his face many times larger than her own.

Dangling away from his body, the tiny figure was clutching the shoulder fabric of the arm closest to her in the grip of one tiny hand. She was pulling on it hard enough so that the top of the cotton fabric actually lifted up off of his skin.

Ben was much darker compared to her own pale complexion, made even lighter by so many years indoors. And she stood just over 3 and a half inches tall making Ben 30 times her height.

She shifted her position and braced her feet flat against the front of the massive human’s collarbone. A long tail swished back and forth vigorously behind her, helping her steady and balance.

One hand came to rest on her hip as if to emphasize her point. She looked like she was purposefully striking a pose. It was as if she was a great pirate captain measuring the wind speed for a ship sailing across the open ocean.

But instead of such a majestic scene, the reality was far less adventurous. They were both simply waiting together for Ben’s sister and Hazel’s sibling, named Cob, to return from the store. Hazel had been perched on the top of Ben's one shoulder and rather than climb to his back, she decided to hang on till he was upright agian. The plan was for all of them to try to go to the nearly empty, and supposedly luxury, building’s pool. Ben and his passenger were a terribly sweaty and annoyed mess.

Ben still hadn’t adjusted to moving differently when he she was on him, and he worried that he may never at this rate. It put more effort onto her to compensate for his lack of continued awareness, but she didn’t seem to mind.

She relished the chance to have a human to climb on again after Mary and Jack’s passing, and Ben was like the Mount Everest of humans. She enjoyed the challenge.

Given how nimble she was, there was never a real risk of her falling from her perch. Instead, she was more concerned with his obsession over his body.

It was true that the tiny woman was very annoyed today, and her tail swished in a way that looked it. But she was not annoyed at Ben, almost never at Ben. It was becoming harder to ignore or admit, but he was occupying more space for her and not just in a physical sense. It was the heat. It was never hot like this back home. And even though she’d lived in America for most of her life now, she always considered England her real home. And it never got hot like this there.

From her spot dangling on Ben’s left shoulder, she took a look again at his knee, way, way down. Scars were nothing new for her. She’d seen far worse after four years in a war hospital during what would eventually be called World War II. But Ben had kept it wrapped in bandages at her suggestion to keep himself from itching and scratching at the sutures.

She was amazed to learn they’d invented stitches that would dissolve. She wished they had those back when she was nursing. Having to remove them once a wound had healed was novel for Hazel, at first. But by the end of the war, she reckoned that she had cut through and removed hundreds of yards of stitching from humans. She could always do it far quicker than Mary, the human nurse and her companion, ever could. It was a skill that gave her a sense of pride. That she could do so little else at her size in such a place made her relish some superior skill.

Mary, ever stoic, simply reminded the tiny woman with a tail that the stitches were a lot bigger and easier compared to her. So she shouldn’t get too big of a head over it. Still the human nurse was glad for all the help she could get on her shifts in the war hospital, no matter how small the help may be.

Seeing Ben’s healed scars now in the open, she was interested by how different the angles of the incisions were compared to what they would have back then. Although if pilots like Mary's husband, Jack, had suffered injuries like Ben -- they would have had just amputated.

She was surprised that she hadn’t noticed it before, but then again he had kept them covered. Plus, Ben’s size had the habit of sometimes making her freeze up and miss minor details.

That he had such an effect on her was the only thing that did annoy her about the enormous human. She knew he would never hurt her. Generations of her kind had ingrained in instinct into her, she felt a constant warning that Ben was too big and must be a threat.

The hours Ben spent during their first meeting proved the opposite, despite his size. He could also be incredibly delicate. It took so long getting her unstuck from that glue trap and he was so flustered and gentlemanly about it.

He made joke after joke about the situation to make both of them feel better. And he was more embarrassed by having to, ultimately, cut off some of her clothes with a pair of scissors than she had been.

Nudity, at least her own, never really phased her. That it so flustered him to see her in a state of nature was all the evidence she ever needed to trust him. Although as her feelings about him changed that started to as well.

But still, he was just so…big. It was like the word was invented with Ben in mind. Her natural impulses to flee had certainly gotten better with more time and exposure to him. But he was still so utterly gigantic even when compared to any humans she’d previously encountered in her life. And he was so fast, it reminded Hazel of herself.

The Professor always hobbled around with a cane, and Mary wasn’t the most graceful human she’d seen. Mary’s husband, Jack, who was an American pilot during the war, also moved around rather slowly and deliberately having lost both a leg and his eyesight during the war. She still marveled at how Ben could move like that being so enormous, even when he had been on crutches for most of the past several months with his injury.

“Oh Hazel! Sorry! Sorry sorry sorry…” Ben blinked furiously out of his own thoughts. Replying quickly and sheepishly, he gave up on touching his reconstructed knee and stood back upright.

This pleased the little, tailed woman named Hazel, but she found herself on the backfoot again when Ben brought one huge up to his left shoulder as if to catch her. He opened his hand to extend his fingers, straightening them out.

The span of each of his hands from the thumb to the pinky was four times Hazel’s size. His hand got measured once to potentially be drafted to the NBA. He thought it was weird to get measured like he was a farm animal.

Hazel didn't care about his exact dimensions. Just that, however many inches the hand was, it was large enough to block her whole view.

Hazel’s sharp featured face fell under the shadow of his hand as Ben made a literal wall for the small woman, more as reassurance for himself. She wasn’t going to fall, and she especially wasn’t going to fall now that he had stood up straight again leveling out his shoulder. She resumed her former position on top of it.

It had been decades since she had lost her footing, and even then it wasn’t her fault. Hazel sighed as she waited for Ben to figure out for himself why she would find his well meaning gesture bothersome.

She could have just told him, but she took her old Professor’s old approach of a Socratic method, favoring questions over providing answers as a form of instruction.

She took the time to remember the last time she had fallen. A bomb the size of a normal human, not Ben, went through the roof and several upper floors of the makeshift hospital’s building. Then it exploded. It was the loudest thing she had ever heard. Her ears rang for hours afterwards.

Lately as he started acting more like what she imagined his old self was like before the accident, she thought Ben was getting close to being the second loudest thing she’d ever heard. Even his whispered apology just now was enough to make his voice rumble through the whole of her body. It was especially noticeable when she was this close to his throat.

Every time the giant human spoke while she was this close, it sent vibrations up through the soles of her feet into her whole body. No human she’d encountered, not even Mary’s husband, had quite the same effect. Hazel always noticed the absence of it when talking with other humans or her family. Now that she was used to it, she found she would yearn for the sensation.

For a human, Ben was just so…so much. It was concerning at times. All humans were large but something about Ben’s enormous size was especially noticeable today. Conceptually, she understood what being over 7 feet tall meant. But for all intents and purposes, he might as well have told her he was 100 feet tall like the old oak trees on the Professor’s country estate.

Sometimes Hazel felt like she was a human who had been accustomed to riding horses their entire life, to all of a sudden find their preferred stead was replaced with an elephant.

Hazel had only seen an elephant once when Mary had taken her to a circus in the late 1950’s. It was the biggest creature she had ever seen. Ben was the second biggest, followed by his absent sister. That Ben’s sister had still not returned with Hazel’s own sibling, who had accompanied the human shopping, also annoyed Hazel right now.

Maybe it was just the heat making her snippy. She was annoyed at herself, that her inconvenience overtook her patience. She couldn’t stand to wait in front of his mammoth hand any longer.

“It’s fine. It’s fine. Just be more mindful please. Remember, you have a passenger. And I appreciate the gesture but it’s truly unnecessary…” She chastised him tenderly.

To Ben, even when she looked mad or annoyed she never sounded like it. He loved her accent, except that it made her sound older than she looked. Hazel reached out casually and patted the closest spot of his palm a few times in reassurance. Ben could just barely feel it. Hazel’s own outstretched hand wouldn’t even cover one of his fingernails. The boy was just so…big.

Ben lowered his own hand, closing his fingers inwards towards his palm tightening them so his knuckles cracked. Another tick of his. Hazel hated when he did that.

Hazel let go of his shirt and took a few steps back towards the center of his shoulder again. She wiped her brow feeling as if her body was making its own pool while they waited. Even the bandana she used to contain her long curly hair, and keep it out of her face, was soaked through. It was also exceptionally frizzy in this heat and humidity. The state of her hair also annoyed her.

Hazel pulled off her bandana causing her hair to nearly stand on end when it was released. Ben thought it made her look like a dandelion about to blow away if there was a breeze. But he dared not share that thought with her and risk annoying her further.

Now on the top of Ben’s once again flat shoulder, she pulled up the sliver of fabric that rested across his powerful tendon to pat her face dry.

“Pardon me.” Hazel said while Ben watched in silent amusement. It was nice to see her be less formal than he was used to her being. The heat must really be getting to her.

Hazel wrung out her bandana several times with her strong hands, the droplets barely registering as they fell onto Ben’s enormous shirt. She shook it out a few times, before rewrapping it around her head with a loud, haughty huff. It was still damp. The annoyances seemed to never end for her today.

“It is just that…I cannot see a thing when you do that you know?” She said with a slight upturn of her chin to peer at the side of his face.

“Have they returned yet?” she asked while trying to stand on her tiptoes to look out the window for herself as if she wasn’t already high enough.

“Nope. Not that I can see…” Ben said slowly.

Ben took a turn peering down through the window. The kitchen’s large single pane of glass over the sink gave him a clear view of most of the building’s parking lot. He realized that the motion made him start to lean again and he raised his hand again instinctively.

But he caught himself and lowered it quickly before he was verbally slapped by Hazel, if you could even call her admonitions something that harsh. Hazel saw him correct himself and nodded ever so slightly in silent approval.

Sam almost always parked in one of the handicap spots when she took Ben’s car. The novelty of getting to park so close to entrances spoke to her lazy core. It was quite a source of contention between them with Ben rightfully worried about someone who may actually need to use a handicap spot.

Sam promised that she would only park in a handicap space when there was an abundance of them, but that wasn’t enough for Ben. Hazel thought they could bicker over it for some time and it seemed like Sam did it on purpose.

The last time they fought over it, Hazel turned out to be correct. She was doing it on purpose in the hopes of forcing him to drive himself finally. Sam finally snapped at her little brother that if he was so concerned about her doing it, then he needed to start driving again so she couldn’t do it.

It was Sam’s unsubtle way of trying to force him to get back into a car again. But Ben had refused to even get into a car ever since his accident. Even the elevator made him jumpy now. Despite being on crutches for several months, he would still painstakingly hop up the stairs with the crutches tucked under an arm rather than feel trapped in a metal box again.

There was an entire row of more than a dozen handicap spots right in the front of Ben’s new luxury condo building. Sam usually left it parked in one of them, hoping to lure her brother into it again somehow.

As far as Ben knew, there was only one occupant who needed it because of her wheelchair. She was a rather nice woman in her late 30’s who lived four levels below him. Ben thinks her name was Susan...maybe. He was terrible with names but always remembered faces. His sister was the same, but just called everyone “Babe” to as a workaround, even with him.

Ben saw that his neighbor, maybe Susan, had parked in her preferred handicap spot right next to the ramp into the building. The rest were empty, meaning Ben’s sister and Hazel’s sibling Cob had yet to return.

“Is the store not just two of your blocks away from here? Could they not have just walked?” Hazel asked annoyed.

She still wasn't used to how quick a walk somewhere could be when she hitched a ride on Ben and guessed his older sister was nearly as fast. Sam wasn’t as big as Ben, but she wasn’t that much smaller.

Ben turned his head to look at Hazel perched on the wide expanse of his left shoulder. He could just make her out in his peripheral vision. If he took a second to really focus he could even make out her little features.

He was amazed by how strikingly beautiful she looked. Few of the human teachers that he had seemed like they could rival her knowledge looked like her. Although he guessed Hazel had a bit of an unfair advantage being over a hundred years old. She'd probably kill at trivia...except for any sports categories. But if she was on the same team as Sam, they'd be unstoppable.

Right now, Ben thought she looked annoyed. And sweaty. But he was too. Ben pinched the front of his tank top between two fingers and pulled it away from his body. He then did it again over and over so it started to flap. The flapping wafted cooler air up and down his body. When the air hit Hazel like a light breeze she smiled in grateful relief.

Ben felt a sense of accomplishment over the change in her face. He would leap on any chance he could get to make her more comfortable with him. Hopefully, this helped make up for his hand mistake earlier.

Ben pulled out his phone from the pocket in his shorts with his other hand to check his texts. He saw no missed calls or texts from his sister and only his several unanswered ones left. She always left him on “read.” Each text asked what was taking so long with increasing impatience.

“She probably ran into someone from work or they’re still out joyriding. You know Cob never turns down the chance to ride in a…”

Ben was about to say car, when he was interrupted by the familiar sound of his own pulling in faster than it should into the parking lot. Thankfully, the parking lot was almost always empty.

Out of the 50 plus units in the building, less than 10 had been bought so far leaving the rest of the building unoccupied. It meant there was lots of space in the parking lot, which Sam fully intended to really explore.

Ben and Hazel watched as Sam curved left then right, finally turning in a tight circle several times that left tire marks on the asphalt. Relieved from Ben’s shirt breeze, it was Hazel turn to see Ben be the one who looked annoyed for a change.

The car finally parked in one of the many handicap spots causing Ben to grumble in disapproval and shake Hazel’s whole body so much that her teeth chattered. Sam emerged then walked to open back of the car and pick up several large shopping bags in both hands.

“Oh that’s why…they went fucking shopping. Again. She was just there yesterday what could she possibly need now.” Ben said, agitated, still flapping his shirt for Hazel. In fact, he sped up the motion a bit making the artificial breeze sway Hazel’s clothes and hair.

Even from the 10th floor, Ben could tell Sam was wearing a bathing suit now. But she had left in shorts and a t-shirt. She was also wearing a wide brimmed straw hat like she was going to the beach. Hazel saw them now as well, but she could not tell where Cob was holding onto Sam. She guessed maybe the hat?

“Language!” Hazel said, lifting her leg to stomp a foot down on his shoulder in protest. Hazel thought she may never get used to the casual swearing of this generation of humans.

Ben only made another grumbling noise in acknowledgement, shaking her whole body up to the teeth again. He wondered how much of a bill she had run up on his credit card. Not that it mattered after the settlement, probably, but like the handicap parking it was the principle of it. Sam seemed to find excuses to buy all kinds of junk when it was his money.

Ben turned his body slowly away from the window and stopped flapping his shirt. The shirt breeze was replaced by the rustle of wind sweeping past his should as as he took long barefoot strides across the condo.

“Do you think they still want to go to the pool? That took longer than I thought it would.” Hazel asked him while peering over her shoulder at a clock on the wall in the kitchen.

She steadied herself, bending her knees slightly and swaying along with Ben as he walked. Her tail resumed swishing again, helping her keep her balance while he moved.

“Yea but would you and Cob really want to go down to the pool again?” Ben asked concern, sneaking a glance at her on his shoulder.

“I don’t love the idea of you just floating in a body of water that big or sitting on the ledge. One of those birds could get you.” Ben said ominously.

He walked over to his front door. On the wall next to it was a large monitor and several buttons. He pressed one button to buzz his sister into the building. She had his key and he didn’t need to do it, but pressing the button activated a camera that filled up the wall monitor with a view of the lobby.

Ben and Hazel saw her bounding up the flight of stairs in the lobby two at a time towards the elevators. She looked like the Grinch stealing Whoville’s Christmas presents in the night. 

“I could just get a big bowl and put some ice cubes in there for the two of you while Sam and I go down.” Ben offered thinking out loud.

Hazel’s annoyed expression returned. The idea of floating in one of his large, used popcorn bowls was more unappealing than continuing to sweat in the condo. Cob would probably love it though.

Ben unlocked the door while he spoke. Then he took a few steps back to rest his butt on the wide back of the sectional couch. The sectional took up most of the living room. He bought the biggest one they made so that Ben could lay on it fully outstretched wherever he wanted.

The movers who delivered it were expecting a place with lots of people or kids. Instead, they were shocked to see just one giant person on crutches who had to bend down so that he could see them under the top of the door frame. Ben couldn’t wait for them to finish and go. One of them was a big fan.

One half of the couch faced the tv while the other faced a wall of windows and the wide balcony after that. Ben crossed his arms over his chest, waiting on the back of the couch and facing the front door with the balcony behind him. He was trying to look as annoyed as he could muster. Hazel missed the breeze from his shirt. She hoped he may resume flapping his shirt to make it return.

“Thank you, but no I do not think I will be going popcorn swimming today. Do you not think that one of those large bags your sister is hauling up here contains some ingenious item that will allow Cob and I to fully enjoy the pool with the two of you.” Hazel asked with a sarcastic emphasis on “ingenious.”

Like the popcorn bowl idea she knew they often meant well. But Ben and Sam could often do or suggest things that were demeaning and patronizing for someone her age. It didn’t seem to bother Cob as much. Hopefully their tagging along and input helped Sam buy something that stood a chance of being useful.

If it wasn’t for Sam’s shopping trips, Ben’s new space would likely still be as empty and filled with echoes as when he first moved in. While Ben was annoyed by her spending, Hazel appreciated the clutter from Sam’s trips. Hazel loathes nothing more than clean, wide open spaces with nowhere to hide and no human objects to use for improvisation.

***

End Pt 1

[beeaskewwrites]

The Wayne Siblings (PJOXDC Crossover)

Bruce and Sally were inseparable in the early years. Bruce was born first and then Sally came right behind him at just 3 years.

Bruce would have pale skin with sharp blue eyes and dark black hair while Sally is a little tanner with warm brown curly hair but sharp blue eyes as well.

When Alfred puts the two to bed, somewhere close to midnight, Sally would get out of her massive bed as the thunder soars throughout the dreary cold Gotham--walk down the hallway to Bruce's room and get into his bed. She would cry and say she had a nightmare about terrible clowns and loud thunder tearing off the estate.

The night when their parents were killed, Bruce and Sally wailed and cried in Alfred's arms. Bruce tried to stay strong--he tried to hold it in--he tried his very best to keep up a strong front for his baby sister. She wailed while he hugged her and attempted to say that things will be okay but...even he didn't believe that.

It wasn't until when Bruce was alone with Alfred did he have a breakdown himself.

Alfred and Sally were his single string--tying him to sanity.

A few months later, in the colder seasons, Alfred decided to take them to the mall, to go do some shopping. And it was crowded during this time due to people wanting to buy stuff for Christmas. Alfred held Bruce's hand while little Sally held Bruce's hand--in the other--she held her teddy bear.

Everything was fine until someone bumped into them and she dropped it. Bruce and Alfred didn't notice while Sally went back to find her teddy bear.

In the throng of people, Sally looked around, her bright blue eyes scanned the floor in search of it.

The teddy bear was given to her by Martha--her mother.

She found it in the hands of a woman with a soft smile and brown eyes--with a man--her husband, standing next to her with a similar smile.

"Is this yours, little girl...?" She asked.

Sally gasped and reached out, "Yes-!!"

...

...

...

Bruce noticed that something was wrong.

He finally turned around to find no sign of his dear baby sister.

He had a panic attack trying to find her.

This can't happen to him.

Not now.

Dear Lord, not now.

He just lost his parents...

He can't lose his sister too.

Losing her drove him off the deep end--it drove him to dive into the dark and icy cold waters of depression.

Because now...Alfred is truly the only family he has left in that cold estate.

Unknownist to him--Sally was on a plane to New York with her "parents."

She cried and wailed and wanted her big brother and Alfred back.

Such trauma caused her to have amnesia of her past--growing up--she now believed that she was always Sally Jackson and not Sally Wayne--the missing child of the Wayne family from Gotham.

Sally Jackson heard of the sadden tale of the Waynes--the only son being the lone survivor.

Looking at the news about him while she worked--the longer she looks...

The more she feels as if she knows him.

A/N Okay guys! I hope yall like it. Let me know what yall think about this??. Have an awesome day!

[techtalksfics]

Panic Attack (Tech x Reader)

Summary: Reader is having a panic attack and Tech is tasked with calming them down. This was a request from @narcissa-of-kaas so this one is all for you!

Author's Note: I know that someone rambling at you isn't everyone's way of dealing with a panic attack but it definitely works for me every time. I also haven't gone into massive emotional depth with it because well, trigger trigger.

Warnings: May be triggering for some, I don't know. If discussions of intense panic trigger you, I would maybe say DNI? One swear word and a lot of angst.

Word Count: 1.5k

You'd watched your mother die.

It happened right in front of you, and it was all your fault. You'd help these clones hide from the Empire and your mother paid the price. It should've been you. Why wasn't it you?

You did the right thing, my brave, darling girl. Those were her final words before the life dissipated from her eyes, her hand on your cheek. You'd cried into her, holding her to you.

Had it been the right thing? You no longer knew. You'd kept them hidden for several days, got to know them and they knew you. You'd fed them, allowed them to wash, allowed them to wander your home and its grounds at will. It had been a very pleasant experience with a truly horrific ending. The worst ending.

Tech had learned that you were an anxious person, but you overcame that to do the right thing. He admired that about you. When he watched you cry into your mother with the Empire swarming closer and closer to you, he knew he had to get you out of there. Tech placed his hands under your knees and around your middle and lifted you away from your mother. Your wails were now suddenly vibrating through his body as he ran for the Marauder. You called out for her and Tech felt his heart shatter. He'd grown fond of you and of her. Your anguish was hurting him too.

As you pulled away from his chest, you found he had taken you aboard their ship and he held onto you until he reached his bunk on the ship. Tech made space on his bed, wires and cables everywhere, and told you to wait there. To relax there. But you couldn’t relax. Not after that.

It was all your fault. Your fault. Your mistake. It should’ve been you.

It should've been me. It was all my fault, your mind regurgitated these phrases over and over until your whole body was racked with anxiety. You felt the panic begin to surge through your body. Your feet were numbing and your legs were following in close suit. You tried to breath but all you could manage were small gulps and tear stained huffs of air. You couldn't breathe. You couldn't move. You couldn't do a damn thing.

The voices inside your head began cascading into one another and the voices were so loud. So loud you feared that others would hear it. Hunter had certainly picked up on your condition but was focused on escaping the Empire first. Your world had just crumbled around you, your feelings were to be expected. It was my fault, you reminded yourself again. What now? You had no home. No family. Nothing. It had all been demolished by one shot, directly to the heart.

You could do nothing but sit upright with your head in your hands. Your clammy palms felt heated against your cool forehead. Or perhaps your forehead wasn't cool but rather your palms were hot. You didn't know. You lifted your head and clasped your hands together.

The ship veered and shook as Tech and Hunter worked on your escape. When they finally managed the jump to hyperspace, you continued to feel the full force of your mistakes. It only felt stronger the further you got from your mother's body.

Your heart raced. Your palms were drenched even further in sweat as you repeatedly rubbed your hands together. You couldn't stop the motion. Just rubbing until friction was felt and repeating the motion until it hurt a little to do so.

You pawed at your brain. The palm of hand beating into your temple as you did so. Thud. Thud. Thud. You very often bruised your face in this manner. You couldn’t help it. It was as if you needed the physical pain to match the inner pain you were experiencing.

And then you heard it. It was as if you heard the voice at the end of a rather long and exceedingly dark tunnel. Even if they bellowed you feared you’d never hear it clearly. Never hear it over the ringing of the electricity which set your brain alight. The voice called out once more, but the distance was too great.

The voices in your head were hiding whatever voice was calling out to you. Tech had unexpectedly left the cockpit as soon as they'd made the jump to hyperspace. Hunter knew why so didn't question it. He knew how much you mattered to Tech.

“Omega,” you heard the muffled sound of Tech’s voice in the distance. “What did you say her mother did to calm her down?” At the mention of your mother’s name, you heart both soared and broke as you remembered her being shot. You began to rock back and forth, unable to breathe. You felt like you were choking on your grief. "Omega, quickly. Think. She is hardly breathing in here."

There was a muffled response from Omega and suddenly Tech had kneeled in front of you. You were shaking heavily, and you choked on your breath. Suddenly, you felt him grab your hands. Just like your mother used to.

That was the first step. Grounding.

You looked up at Tech through your lashes and he squeezed your hands together gently in his. The voices began to slow; they were a little less loud. Still there, still repeating that it was your fault but you tried to focus on Tech.

“You need to breathe slowly,” Tech said as he grabbed your hands. “I do not know the stories your mother said to calm you. But I believe that it is actually the sound of someone speaking is the thing that calms you down. We can try to regulate your breathing together. I am excellent at talking and storytelling so perhaps I could try?” Tech queried as he gently squeezed at your hands for a second time. He felt the tremor that was coursing through your body, and he suddenly almost felt it as his own. He frowned. But when you nodded furiously, he realised he needed to carry on talking. “I cannot tell her stories and I know she is gone. I know that you are scared, and I fear I will never truly understand why as it is not in my nature. But perhaps I can tell you one of my stories. Perhaps that would help?” All you could muster was a gentle nod as you clung to his hands trying to centre yourself. You tried to focus on the feeling of his hands in yours. On the solid bed beneath you. But you couldn’t stop your lungs and heart from hyperventilating. Tech decided to start with the tale of Safo Toma. It was an odd, exciting tale and he figured that was an excellent place to start.

As he spoke softly to you, telling you of his time as a racer in an attempt to save their ex-work partner Cid. Of the colourful and chaotic tale of understanding schematics and the adjustments he made to the pod in order to win the race. He sighed and continued on, "Omega and Wrecker thought I was being idiotic, getting rid of the weapons systems. They were simply slowing me down and I needed speed and manoeuvrability in order to succeed in the blocked off tunnel. They say it was a death trap. If that is so then I defied death that day. Though I suppose we defy death every day," and then Tech realised what he had said. Your eyes began watering again, but your breathing had slowed, so he must be on the right track. "I'm sorry, that was a thoughtless comment."

"No, no, it's fine. Your st-story is working," you mumbled, stuttering only occasionally, "so, did you win?" You wanted the end of that story.

"Of course I did," he said confidently, "there was never any doubt." You laughed at that and he was grateful for that. The soft, accented lilt of his voice was extremely calming.

You’d previously thought your mother was the only one who could calm you. But now. Now there was another. Tech. A surprising turn of events. When you finally raised your topaz eyes to look at his, you saw nothing but sympathy and concern. His brow was heavily knitted as he looked at you. Without thought, you reached forward to kiss him but the second your lips connected with his, he lurched backwards.

“I…I’m so sorry,” you spluttered out quickly, blushing profusely, “I shouldn’t have done that. I was stupid to think you want that.” You began rubbing your palms together furiously again as he’d released your hands in all the motion.

Suddenly, his strong nimble fingers held on your wrists, pausing your ministrations. “Meshla,” he whispered, “I very much would like to kiss you. I would even say I want to do more than just that. But I will not let something as important as that to blossom out of panic. I don't want it borne from sadness. When you kiss me, I want you to be sure. I want you to be calm. When you kiss me, I want it to be a positive memory.” He removed one hand from your wrists to adjust his goggles.

And with that, your hands were finally still and your breathing was steady.

[iaminfourthwing]

The Generals Daughter

Chapter VIII

The office is actually General Sorrengails office with my father currently sitting in her chair. A dark aura fills the room, making me even more anxious than I already am. I want to go back, see Violet getting her shit kicked out of her by Xaden and patch her up afterwards. I would desperately do everything to get out of the presence of the general, who is glaring at me like I told him I would switch sides and fight with the gryphon fliers. Or like I just told him I would marry a marked one.

Not that I am opposed to it … a certain handsome face flashes behind my eyes.

“Sit down” his gruff voice orders me, which I oblige, folding my leg over the other, ankle resting on my knee. I wait anxiously for what’s to come but he stays silent for another few minutes, observing me with calculating eyes.

“I thought you wanted to come back for Threshing” I say hesitant after letting my eyes swipe over the massive map to my right on the wall. Something seems to be familiar about this map.

“Changed my decision” he answers coldly, interrupting my thoughts. He leans forward to lay his underarms on the table, hands folding in each other, still studying me and trying to find my flaws like he always does.

“I took the opportunity to see if the marked children are still under control and what you’ve been up to. Can’t stain my reputation, can you?” He doesn’t want me to answer, I know that it’s a rhetorical question. I swallow hard, thinking about my friendships I gained, my interactions with Jack and his minions and Luca, my squad member. There are so many possibilities, for what he could punish me.

“The professors informed me that your academics are excellent, no flaws or mistakes, which was to be expected. Emetterio told me about your first match, assessment. To punches – to be expected as well from a Melgren. And you won every other challenge these past weeks without earning injuries yourself besides …” while talking he stood up to walk around the desk and now stands in front of me, leaning against the desk.

Besides? Oh. Oh, fuck no … the fight against Trevor! Widening my eyes, I have no time to react. “I- “his hand around my throat quickly stops me. I am gasping violently for air while his hand tightens his grip, choking me harder.

“I told you so many times before, you never let your enemy lay hands on you. No injuries, no blood. And yet …. You failed me!” he hisses through gritted teeth and tightens his hand even more.

In my panicked haze I claw at his hand, black spots clouding the edge of my sight. I am barely conscious but then … his hand is gone. Air streams painfully fast into my lungs and my loud coughing fills the office. My heart races with more than one hundred wingbeats per minute.

My father sits back in the chair and reads through some classified rolls, ignoring the way I am still trying to gain my composure back. Without looking up, he speaks in my direction. “I will be back for Threshing in a few weeks. I expect you to do better than this and I also expect information on the behavior and activities of the marked children. We’ll see us again when you have your dragon.” Barlowe’s words swirl through my mind. Does father already know, if I’ll gain a dragon and maybe … what species?

With that, I am dismissed.

To my luck the hallways are still empty, the cadets still at the gym for another half an hour and after that they’ll directly go to the dining hall for dinner. I hope to see Violet still in one piece but all I can think right now is to get to the bathing chambers before I break down. I can still feel his hand around my throat, can still feel my nails clawing at his hand.

Entering the bathroom, I immediately sit down in a corner, breaking down in tears and gasp for air. This is one of the heaviest panic attacks since I had the last five months ago. Normally I have my emotions under control but today was shit, with my father being here.

For over an hour I sit in the corner, without anyone interrupting my thoughts spiraling, when the bells ring, indicating that it is time for dinner.

I am debating whether I’ll skip dinner but then the next meal would be breakfast in the morning and going for so long without food can be deadly here. I am sure that my friends are worried, and I really have to check if Violet is okay, after her “trainings fight” with our wingleader.

One look in the mirror confirms my suspicions – father’s handprint around my throat shimmers in various colors and tones. Covering with my shirt is not possible due to it being cut too low and my jacket is in our room. Fuck that. He did that to me, and even though he knew and wanted the other cadets to see the punishment, I want them to know what kind of person he is.

I walk through the still empty corridors and approach the closed doors to the dining hall. The chatter and laughter can already be heard from afar and as soon as I stand in front of the massive doors that separate me from the others, I want to turn around and vanish.

Taking a deep breath, I notice shadows lingering. Xadens shadows. Confused I observe them, but they ignore my presence and open the doors wide. Thanks for that, fucker.

*Violets POV*

 After my failed fight with our (hot) wingleader, we’re now sitting at dinner. While the other around us talk and laugh with each other, I wait nervously for Arya’s arrival. My friends notice how tense I am. We all saw, before she stepped out of the gym, how nervous and terrified she was.

“I bet Arya is fine and you are too worried” Rhi tries to cheer me up, which doesn’t work really well. I feel a tingly sensation at the back of my scalp, but I don’t give Xaden any attention because the giant doors just opened. Arya steps inside and the chatter is almost completely silenced.

No wonder – the ring of dark bruises adorning her neck attracts all the attention.

Shit, what did he do to her? And above all – why? She won all of her challenges without any problems, and in every subject, she is in top form. She is the best cadet in first year and beyond. So what the hell was the reason?

“I take back everything I said” Rhiannon whispers next to me, her wide eyes fixed on our red-haired friend. Looking around, everyone interrupted their dinner to catch a look at her, or more her neck. Would it be anyone else, no one would’ve been interested in her. But since she is a Melgren … everyone wants to know the gossip.

I can see a few marked ones whispering to themselves while they look at her – Imogen and the rest of the marked ones from our table under them.

A few seats away, at the head of our table, sits Dain. He decided to eat with us today, but right now he watches her with furrowed brows, trying to figure out what could have happened.

Arya knows that she has the attention on her, her tense and hard steps betraying her. And her facial expression. It’s been a while since I saw her so cold, so … terrifying.

Luca’s loud scoff interrupts my worried thoughts.

“Of fucking course, while we get our asses handled at the challenges, our little miss perfect here gets to have some fun” she sneers loudly.

Heads whipping around at her, shocked and confused, even Dain. Even over the distance I can see the leadership, Xaden and Amber Mavis and everyone else, tense and their widening eyes find Lucas figure.

What the fuck did she just say?!

“Luca-“ I start but am quickly interrupted by a loud crash of Arya’s tray, having the most of us flinch at the noise.

“You want to repeat that?” Arya says serious, in her deep voice when she is angry.

“Are you deaf? I said, while we have to get through the challenges, you’ve got some fun with that little officer” she repeats arrogantly.

Oh.My.God. Dain looks my way, his face screaming ‘Is she dumb?’.

Arya still stand behind her chair, arms tightly crossed over her chest, a serious and cold look adorning her face.

“Are you stupid? I am just asking because I am kind of concerned of your mental health.” She says, without a trace of humor in her voice. Ridoc presses his lips together, desperately trying to not let his laughter out.

“Excuse me?!” Luca squeals, which hurts my ears. I furrow my brows.

“Again, for idiots, who are too slow to think in a straight line: the officer you saw is my father’s right hand. He got me because the general wanted … to talk to me” her voice is still raspy, and I noticed the short interruption in her explanation.

“So, you want to add something intelligent to the conversation – then shut the fuck up if you have no idea!” She finally takes her seat in front of me.

Luca opens her mouth again but it’s Dain, that is quick to interrupt her. “Enough! Luca just shut up and eat. I don’t want to hear another word from you!”

*Arya’s POV*

“How are you doing, silver one?” I ask Violet.

“I am okay, not injured or anything, just sore” she says softly. Relief spreads through me.

I can feel eyes on me and let my gaze subtly swipe over the heads of the many cadets till they land on a certain handsome black-haired second year, sitting at the leadership table next to our section leader, Garrick Tavis. Bodhi is observing me quietly from afar, concern mixed with curiosity on his face. Xaden notice our interaction and sends me a threatening glare. What the fuck did I do to you, man?

I am interrupted by Sawyer. “What was your father’s reason to lash out like this?” he asks hesitantly. I swallow the turkey before I answer him.

“A few weeks ago, I was challenged by Trevor Laine form First Wing.” “One of Barlowes little friends” Ridoc says.

“Yeah. The general knew that I won the challenge, but …” I swallow harshly, taking a deep breath.

“A few years ago, when I had a personal training session with him, he told me to never let myself get injured in hand-to-hand combat by my enemy. I had to promise him, that I will do everything in my power to avoid getting hurt, because apparently to him, it shows weakness. Every time I had a bruise or the slightest scratch, he would punish me. You don’t need to know the methods, but it was ugly. That today was the softest one. I had a personal healer assigned to me, that would help me after, so I could start train again quickly after that. I never stayed injured for long and couldn’t rest afterwards. I have to be the best, or he’ll find more punishments way worse than the prior. My bet is, he’ll kill me one day, by accident or not doesn’t matter.” I finish.

“So when Trevor punched you and nicked your skin with his blade-“

“My father knew. And now I wear his punishment as a necklace” I joke darkly but my friends stay silent, even Luca or Dain.

“I’m so sorry” Violet whispers sadly. I send a reassuring smile her way. “I am used to it” is my only answer.

“That makes it just way worse” Heaton says from next to Sawyer, not looking up from his tray.

Just then I notice that the marked cadets from our squad sit with us. I can’t read Imogen’s face; she hides her emotions well.

“Since the day of conscription, I always thought, you being the generals daughter does you so many favors. I never thought about what could happen behind closed doors. I should have known better; he is the most ruthless general on the continent for a reason. I hope you can find your peace one day … without him.” With that she turns her attention back to her food. That was oddly … nice? What the fuck?

[waytooinvested]

Forgotten, Not Forgiven - Chapter 15

This and previous chapters are also on AO3

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Once they were outside Kara steered them confidently to a cosy little cafe a few blocks away, and insisted on going up to order while Lena sat down on one of the saggy sofas tucked into a back corner. It wasn’t somewhere she would normally have gone into, or even really noticed to pass it on the street. It was a little down at heel, the couch wearing threadbare in patches and some of the paint peeling around the windows, but they had a huge bookshelf filled with an assortment of tatty paperbacks and board games, the whole place smelled welcomingly of fresh coffee and newly baked cakes, and Lena found herself relaxing back into the cushions much more readily than she would have somewhere more upmarket.

In here it didn’t seem to matter that she was still wearing her harness-rumpled theatre t-shirt and sports leggings, or that her hair was a little bit sweaty. It felt like somewhere you could just flop down onto the shabby furniture and be yourself.

It was kind of perfect.

A couple of minutes later Kara was back, a massive mug topped with mounds of fluffy cream and studded all over with mini marshmallows in either hand.

‘What is that?’

‘It’s the deluxe chocolate special, and it’s medicinal, so no complaints.’

Kara plonked one of the mugs down in front of Lena, then took her seat beside her on the squashy couch, knee crooked up onto the cushion so that she was half turned towards her.

‘So… do you want to talk about what happened up there?’

Kara’s expression was all gentle compassion, but Lena found herself unable to meet it. She looked down at her drink instead, nudging the marshmallows around with the edge of her spoon so that all the pink were on one side, all the white on the other, just so she would have an excuse not to look up and meet Kara’s eyes.

‘You don’t have to if you’d rather not tell me. We can talk about something else.’

‘No, no it’s not that. Honestly I’m just so embarrassed. I can’t believe I reacted like that when I knew perfectly well I wasn’t in any danger – it was completely irrational.’

Kara was quiet for a moment, scooping cream from her own hot cocoa while she considered Lena’s words.

‘Did you know that I’m claustrophobic?’

‘I- no. I didn’t.’

‘It’s not something I really tell people if I can help it, but yeah, I am. More so when I was younger. I used to have panic attacks all the time when I first moved in with the Danvers’. It got better over time, but I still feel it sometimes, in elevators, or small places I know I can’t easily get out of. It’s not rational, but my body doesn’t care, and it feels impossible to just logic my way out of it while it’s happening.’

Lena thought of all the times they had shared an elevator. Kara had always seemed perfectly composed, and she wondered what signs she might have missed that she should have been looking after her friend in those moments, rather than casually flirting with her. She wished she had known before so that she could have been more supportive, but she also understood this being something that could feel intensely private, and was touched that Kara was willing to open up to her about it now. It made her want to offer the same in return.

She put her mug back down on the table and turned to give Kara and the conversation her full attention.

‘Do you mind me asking- do you know why it happens? Did something trigger it for you, or has it always been that way?’

‘Not always. It started after an accident I was in as a kid – I was in a car that went off the road and ended up in a ravine. Somehow I wasn’t hurt at all by the fall, but the doors were crushed in pretty badly, and I was trapped in there for- I don’t even know. It felt like years to me then, but I know it can’t have been all that long really – a couple of days maybe. Not long enough for dehydration to become a major danger anyway. I was definitely there for at least one night though, because I remember it being so so dark, and being sure that there were Things right outside trying to come in and hurt me. I was so afraid and so sure no one was ever coming to rescue me. It was not long after my parents died, though I don’t know where I was going or who was driving me, because I can’t remember anyone else being in the car with me or how they got out when I didn’t... I think I’ve blocked a lot of the details out honestly. I just remember how scared I was, and how trapped I felt, and sometimes that all comes flooding back out when I least expect it.’

‘Oh my god, Kara, that’s horrific. I didn’t know…’

But of course, she had known.

Lena had done her research on National City’s resident Kryptonian years ago, and unlike her true identity, the story of how she had come to Earth was hardly a well kept secret. She knew that Supergirl’s pod had gone off route and ended up stuck in the phantom zone for years with the thirteen year old Kryptonian sealed inside it, entirely alone with the knowledge that her whole planet was dead and there was no one left to come and save her. She had just never fully made the connection that that had also happened to Kara – her Kara. Potstickers and trivia Kara. Sunshine smiles and long hugs and ‘I will always protect you’ Kara. She couldn’t bear to imagine her young and afraid, alone in the dark and unable to move from the small space she was trapped in. The story had always been awful, but when it was Kara’s, it was unimaginable.

‘I’m so, so sorry you went through that... And I also cannot believe that you told me a couple of months ago that you “didn’t really have any trauma”.’

Kara exhaled a soft laugh, in spite of the serious subject matter.

‘When you put it like that it does sound kind of ridiculous to claim. I guess I just try not to think about that time in my life too much. I was fostered not long after that, and they were brilliant with me. I got this new wonderful, loving family and a big sister who looked out for me even when we fought, and I was so lucky compared to so many other kids, especially ones who lose their parents at that age. It’s not easy finding a new family as a teenager, and I could so easily have ended up lost in the system, but I didn’t. I think part of me always feels like I can’t complain about any of the bad stuff because I know how good I had it in so many ways.’

‘Well I definitely think that you have every right to complain because I can’t even imagine how awful that must have been for you on top of losing your parents so young… But I also know what you mean. With the Luthors I grew up with immense privilege. I was raised in a mansion, got the best education money could buy, and physically I wanted for nothing. I thrived in a lot of ways, and now I’m a billionaire in my own right, so I never really felt the right to claim a tragic backstory. But… you know my birth mother died when I was four?’

‘Yes. She drowned, right?’

‘She did. I was there.’

‘What?’

‘When it happened. I was with her. It’s one of my earliest memories.’

Lena closed her eyes briefly while she gathered the courage to tell the next part. It was one of her darkest truths and she almost couldn’t bear to let the words out into the light of day, but Kara had shared her own painful past, and Lena wanted to reciprocate in kind no matter how much it might hurt. She opened her eyes, took a deep breath, and continued.

‘I saw her out in the water and I knew that something was wrong, but... I just watched. Silent. I could have screamed or run for help, I could have gone in and tried to rescue her myself, but I didn’t do any of it. I just stood there on the bank and watched my mother die, and ever since I have been trying to come to terms with what I did… I still see it in my dreams. Her swallowing water, struggling to breath, and me watching and doing nothing. What kind of child would do nothing while her mother drowned before her eyes?’

Lena’s eyes had flooded with unwelcome tears, and Kara pressed a wodge of paper napkins into her hand, holding onto her a few moments longer than strictly necessary.

‘That must have been so horrendous for you to witness, and I am so sorry that you went through that. But Lena, you were four. You were so, so little, you couldn’t have known what was going to happen.’

‘She was dying. How could I not have known?’

‘Because you were a baby. At four you barely grasp the concept of death as a thing, let alone that it could ever happen to your parent. Parents are invincible, permanent things to four year olds, there was no way you could have understood. I was thirteen when I lost my family, and I still felt like one day they’d turn up and tell me it had all been some huge mistake after all. What happened to you and your mother was an awful, horrible tragedy, but it wasn’t your fault, and the last thing your mom would have wanted was for you to spend the rest of your life blaming yourself for it.’

If she was being objective about it, Lena knew that Kara probably had a point. Developmental psychology might not be her field, but she knew enough about the maturation schedule of the human brain to understand that at age four she couldn’t have been at a stage where she could fully comprehend what had happened to her mother, let alone have the capability to form a rational plan to rescue her in the few minutes it had taken for her to die.

But Lena’s guilt over her mother’s death and the years she had borne the burden of her own inaction were too big and complicated a thing to simply set down, or even acknowledge aloud that maybe they hadn’t been entirely justified. So instead she confessed a related but less intimate truth – one that was the most she could manage to offer up in this moment.

‘I’ve been deathly afraid of drowning since then. Of course, with the Luthors fear was something you overcame as quickly and quietly as possible lest it be used against you later, so I was enrolled in private swimming lessons when I was five, and even ended up swimming competitively for a brief period before I was allowed to quit to focus on fencing... but I still hate deep water.’

‘So… is the fear of heights more a fear of depths? Because it reminds you of deep water?’

‘I think that’s where it started. I have this vivid memory of a family trip somewhere in the Luthor jet – I’m not sure where, but it can’t have been long after they took me in. Lex had made me this model airplane with a fully functioning propulsion system so he could teach me how a plane stays in the air, and I was excited to be flying for – not the first time, but the first time without being a newly orphaned child on her way to live with strangers. And I really did enjoy it at first. Lex was in his best big brother mode and didn’t even seem to mind when I accidentally broke his plane, he just distracted me by pointing out the view from the window. He talked about it like it was our own private play set that we could reach out and touch if we wanted, and I thought flying was going to be my new favourite thing. Only then the land ran out and there was nothing but blue water as far as I could see, and I started to worry that our plane might fall out of the air the way the model had, and if it did we would all end up down there in the water and I wouldn’t be able to swim back to shore, and I would drown just like my mother. Of course I knew exactly what that looked and sounded like by then, so I could imagine it only too vividly... I always hated flying after that, for all I’ve done so much of it. It isn’t just that though. As an adult I have had some… bad experiences with heights. I would have died several times over if Supergirl hadn’t been there to catch me.’

Lena paused, her eyes meeting Kara’s. She wanted to say thank you for all the times she had saved her without her realising who it was, and for making her feel so much safer flying than she ever had before, despite what seemed like near constant assassination attempts. But she couldn’t, so instead she settled for:

‘But not this time. This time you saved me.’

‘I wouldn’t go that far. You’d have got down fine by yourself eventually, I just helped a little.’

‘You did more than help a little. Seriously, Kara. Thank you. You’re my hero.’

Kara gave her the softest, sweetest smile then, and the moment between them felt so intensely pure and open that Lena found she had to break it or she would do something stupid.

Like cry.

Or lean over and kiss Kara.

She looked back down at her hot cocoa instead, its cream now dripping down the sides of the mug, and took a messy sip, trying to bury her swelling emotion in chocolatey escapism. She stayed like that for several slow, sugary swallows, until melted marshmallow was adhering to her lips and she felt she had regained enough composure to meet Kara’s eyes again without doing something she shouldn’t. She tried for lightness instead, as if they hadn’t just had the most intense, honest exchange of her recent past in the corner of a chintzy little coffee house.

‘So. I think it’s safe to say that I shouldn’t come with you next time you do this.’

Kara must have realised that Lena needed to be done with the deep conversation, and switched gears without missing a beat to match the joking tone of her comment.

‘Darn, really? I was going to suggest we try base jumping next week.’

Lena gave a theatrical shudder.

‘You know what? That sounds like it would be a great sister bonding opportunity. You should get Alex to go with you.’

‘Oh, that is a FANTASTIC idea.’

[cookiesupplier]

Every Rose Has Its Thorns - Part Forty-Three

pairing: Ricky Olson x ofc x Chris 'Motionless' Cerulli

warnings/tropes: slow burn, soulmates, strangers to enemies to lovers, betrayal, angst, fluff, smut, language, online bullying, panic attacks, stalking, mental health issues, conspiracy theories.

summary: In a world where soulmates inexplicably receive a tattoo that will match that of their soulmate the moment they turn eighteen years old, being famous and covered in very visible tattoos can make finding your true soulmate a questionable fate. For everyone involved.

author’s note: Unbeta'd as usual, enjoy!

To read from the beginning, check out the Masterlist Here!

tags: @faceless-mirror @missduffsblog @tamtam-elizabeth @witchyweeb34 @tearfallpixie

@wild-child-7747 @shilohrosechicken @lacktoesandtoddlerants @blackveilomens @valiantroeagleangel

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They chatted about each of their days. Mostly Chris complaining about Ricky keeping his secrets when it came to this date, and Ricky just sitting there driving with a little smirk on his lips, telling them that surprises can be fun sometimes. Then they got into a massive debate about how Ricky was the conspiracy king and needing to know all the secrets, but of course, he was trying to keep secrets of his own. The entire argument had them devolving into raucous laughter in the car as they drove. 

Then the conversation turned to Talia’s day, she told them how she had struggled, much with the same reasoning as Chris, because Ricky was keeping his damn secret date. That had gotten laughter from both of them, but she continued with the urging, they wanted to know how she’d settled on this gorgeous dress. So, she told them how Ava had found her, and her admitting to her ploy with the dress and hiding it from her after the live stream, Chris had turned around and called her cheeky for it.. But look at her now.. They had chosen the perfect dress. Ricky was the one that pointed out that he was glad they were the ones that got to enjoy that knock out, and not Vinny. Chris, being oh so quick to agree as he leaned forward from the back seat, whispering lightly in her ear.

“I don’t think Ava could have pulled it off nearly as well as you could do, Baby.”

A shiver ran down her spin that had nothing to do with the tingle she felt in her tattoo, nothing.

The weight of their words, the implications in their tone of how they might just want to enjoy her dress, had her face flushing with warmth, remembering the other night. It hadn’t been a dream, no, a fantasy.. Maybe.. No, no, Talia was not thinking about it with them in the car, she was not. Not that she could stop the way her tattoo was already tingling the moment her cheeks had turned a hue that would have put the tattoo itself to shame, were it not in black and white. Her thighs pressed together lightly to alleviate the pressure in other parts of her body, she was not going through the rest of her date wound up tight, she could handle this. Her tattoo would calm down, she would be fine.

“Here we are. First stop of the night.”

First stop. Well, hearing that, first stop implied there would be more, that certainly was going to make an interesting night. They had pulled up at the curb in front of a warehouse building with a truck out front, a food truck. The name on the truck was explicitly vegan grill style cuisine, and from the looks of him, Chris seemed to light up from where he sat.

“I know how much you’ve been wanting to try this place, and the fact they don’t park this way very often, so, when I saw it would be here tonight, perfect timing.” Chris climbed out of the back seat so quickly he almost seemed to get his legs tangled, she swore it, and once they were all out of the car Talia was beaming at what she saw. After all the teasing in the car, about Ricky keeping his secrets of the date, her struggling to keep her reactions in check, Talia felt so much lighter seeing Chris lean down to Ricky and cup his cheeks. He planted a lingering kiss on his lips with a smile.

“Thank you, Rick.”

So how it worked, they ordered their food at the truck, and they gave them a little buzzer. That little buzzer, with their number, would light up and alerting them, letting them know when their food was ready, and they could come pick up their food from the truck itself. Inside the warehouse, however, there were tables chairs all set up that they could sit up, along with a bar they could order all manner of drinks if they wanted. There was also a little stage with a local band playing. The whole place was decorated very street style, with graffiti art, though with some added twinkle lights above for ambience. 

“I like it.”

Sitting at the table while they waited for their food, Chris smiled across the table to Talia as she smiled, glancing around. He’d been wanting to try this particular food truck for a while, of course, he had planned to just get delivery the next time he was in town, and he heard it was in the area. Ricky went and did him one better and actually brought him to the actual venue. 

“It’s amazing. I always thought it was just a couple of tables and chairs outside by the truck, nothing like this. The band playing reminds me of early motionless gigs, honestly.”

Chris lifted his bottled sparkling water to his lips as he took a sip, smile, nodding to the music, it was pretty good too, made him wonder if they were selling any merch here tonight. Maybe they could have a look see on the way out, a CD or something just to have another listen at home later.

He grinned now as Ricky laughed,

“Honestly, no way, no way this is like the early gigs, this is nothing compared, this is nice as hell compared to our early gigs, and we both know, that's not even counting the stuff before I joined.. Don’t sugar coat it, man.”

Laughing with him,

“Okay, okay, you’ve got me.”

Flexing his fingers, playing with the rings on his fingers as he thought back on those first days, not just when Ricky first joined the band, coming all the way from Seattle as he did, but even before that. Rick was right, those days, those gigs, even before the gigs, were right something else. So much was heaven compared to the kind of gigs he’d lived through. 

“I would have killed for a gig like this back then, damn, I’d have run through everyone in this place, no question about it.”

Chris looked over to Talia as she giggled,

“And this is why if I’m ever stuck abandoned on the side of the road you are my first call Spookie, you’ll be far more terrifying than whoever might try to come after me.”

“Are you saying you are sure I’m not the one that will come after you? Look at you, I could just eat you right up.”

His grin turned a little wicked after a moment,

“If I brought Ricky-”

“Oh, I’d help, I’d keep that pretty mouth from screaming as long as he needed me to.”

All three of their tattoos exploded the moment their buzzer signalling their food was ready went off. 

“Saved by the buzzer, Sweetheart.”

Ricky said as he excused himself to go get their food, Chris had a knowing smile as he stared at her across the table.

The sound from the buzzer had covered the whimper that Talia let out at the thought of what the two of them would do to her with their words. Her thighs pressed together in that short dress again tonight, they were going to kill her tonight, kill her. The thought extending beyond what her little fantasy had been the other night, shit.. And coupled the stupid fear factor that she had started, and they had played on, oh she hated them.. She didn’t, she really didn’t, but damn it. 

Looking at Chris while Ricky was getting their food, sipping at her mock cocktail, she could have gotten something stronger, she could have, but she had wanted to stay sober tonight. While half of her wished she’d gotten something a bit harder right about now, she knew she wanted to be completely alert for everything that happened tonight. Not that she was assuming that tonight was going to end anything but something innocent, but neither man had been entirely pure with the way they’d been thus far tonight. Who knows where tonight would take them.

Yes, their tattoos were still affecting them, but the way the theory suggested that the effect only started when the bond already seemed to be there was curious. It made her wonder about the way the sensations had started with Ricky.

They’d started back during the pool party, she remembered quite clearly when she’d first felt her tattoo explode like that. The bathroom. Back then, she was so sure he’d hated her. At least, he had acted like he hated her, and maybe he did. Hate after all was an extremely powerful, wasn’t it? Just because you hated someone, didn’t mean you weren’t attracted to them, not to mention, it was always about Grace. She couldn’t forget the admittance Ricky had told her in the kitchen, about how he wasn’t able to trust himself, and it put that day in a whole new light. Doing what they had done, acting as he had, and looking back on it, if she’d behaved like that, she wouldn’t have trusted herself not to keep continuing spiralling with bad decisions after being so painfully destroyed either. So, she could understand where he was coming from, and he was easier to put her foot down.

Figuring out, and realising, he’d enlisted Chris to make sure it didn’t happen again, it was cute. Of course, now Chris was in the same boat they were. Thank now, they all were on the same footing, and they all seemed to have a stronger will. Both of them could watch out for Rick. Both of them.

Smiling as Ricky came back with their tray of food, tacos for Chris, loaded fries for her, and a vegan ‘chicken’ burger for Ricky with fries. Did they all end up sharing and trying a little bite of each other's meals, so they could try, and compare, the different flavours of the menu? Absolutely. Ricky’s faux chicken, might not quite have the same texture, but it sure had the perfect spice for grilled chicken. Coming from two omnivores, 

“Carnivores, you are carnivores.”

“Ah, hold up there Chris, no we are not, carnivores only eat meat, and the lovely Talia and I are sitting here, eating your vegan dishes, so we are omnivores.”

The soft laugh that escaped her at the exchange had both men glancing her way as she took a bite of another of her vegan cheese covered fries,

“What, the two of you fighting over silly little things is amusing.” 

Still, yes, they shared bits of their food, even if it was just so Chris could get a wider range of what he liked here for future reference when he wanted to get food from this truck in the future. That was the excuse, as it were, reality was just the laughter that was flowing between the three of them as they ate, and talked, it was infectious. They didn’t really need a reason, it was all just having laughing between them until all the food and drink had disappeared from the table.

“Are we ready to move on to the next stop of the night?”

Talia couldn’t help but smile as Ricky looked between the pair, glancing from her towards Chris. She’d looked over to the singer with a raised eyebrow, and he nodded in agreement.

“I would say that’s a yes.”

As they walked back to the car, Talia felt like she was on cloud nine now, but as they got there,

“Seat swap, Chris, I got shot gun last time.”

“Are you kidding? With those gorgeous legs, no chance, besides, my turn to do this,”

He reached for the front side passenger door and opened it up for her with a wink, just as Ricky had done at the house. They were both going to be the end of her tonight. 

“So chivalrous, Spookie.”

“What was I? Chopped liver?”

Ricky called from the other side of the car, his fingers on the handle before he opened the door to get into the driver's seat. Talia just smiled at him as she buckled herself in to the car, and waited a beat until Ricky started the car before answering,

“Of course not, Ricky, vegan chicken.”

That just started the laughter all over again as he started driving them towards the next destination for their date night.

Dividers by @saradika-graphics

[spookyrealms]

Wounded.

𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒: 𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐯𝐞 𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐭𝐨𝐧 𝐱 𝐟𝐞𝐦!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒: 𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐝, 𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐜𝐫𝐢𝐩𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐨𝐟 𝐩𝐡𝐲𝐬𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐥 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝, 𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐝 𝐬𝐰𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠

𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐑𝐄/𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐒: 𝐛𝐨𝐲𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝!𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐯𝐞, 𝐬𝟐 𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐯𝐞, 𝐟𝐥𝐮𝐟𝐟

𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘: 𝐒𝐭𝐞𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐬 𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐚 𝐧𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐲 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐢𝐧𝐟𝐥𝐢𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐨𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐝𝐮𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐬𝟐. 𝐇𝐞 𝐛𝐥𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐬 𝐡𝐢𝐦𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐢𝐧𝐣𝐮𝐫𝐲 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐬𝐬𝐮𝐫𝐞 𝐡𝐢𝐦 𝐢𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬𝐧'𝐭 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐟𝐚𝐮𝐥𝐭.

𝐖𝐂: 𝟏.𝟐𝐤

𝐀𝐍: 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐬 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐩𝐮𝐫𝐞 𝐟𝐥𝐮𝐟𝐟 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐒𝐭𝐞𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐡𝐮𝐫𝐭. 𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐫𝐧𝐞𝐝 𝐒𝐭𝐞𝐯𝐞 𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐬𝐭 <𝟑

You couldn't remember how you managed to get back to the Byers house. Actually the past hour had been a complete blur all together.

The last thing you remembered was a demodog attacking you.

If Steve hadn't been right beside you and swung his nail bat at that thing you would have been done for.

Though you managed to escape with your life, your right leg wasn't doing so hot. The demodog's large claw left a four inch gash on your lower leg. Blood oozed from it, creating a puddle on the bed you were laying on.

Your favorite jeans were ruined. The entire lower half of your right pant-leg had massive dark stains from the blood. In order to address the wound, Steve had to use scissors to cut the fabric.

While the kids frantically ran around the Byers home looking for a first aid kit, Steve held a large cloth to the wound to slow the bleeding. You watched as he stared down at the rag which was once white, now crimson from the blood. His hands were coated with your blood but clearly he didn't mind.

Observing your injured leg, your eyes traveled upwards to gaze at your handsome boyfriend's features. His lips were pursed together in a thin line, the look of concern and the utmost concentration on his face. Steve's hair was wind swept from the amount of running he had done. Several long strands hung down over his forehead helping to paint a beautiful side profile. Despite the situation, you still found time to gawk at the beautiful boy in front of you.

The lack of movement on your end sparked a moment of panic in Steve, his head snapped upwards and eyes locked on yours. His expression softened when he saw you were looking at him.

"How are you so calm?" he asked in disbelief, eyes gravitating back down to your leg.

"Because I'm somewhere safe and you're with me." you answered, your voice was weak and slightly hoarse from the yelling you had done just thirty minutes prior.

Steve's head shook slowly as he pulled his lips inward before letting out a frustrated sigh. "I shouldn't have brought you with me. I could have lost you."

"But you didn't, the bleeding is slowing, I'll be okay." you countered.

The only thing that pained you more than the actual gash on your leg was seeing Steve blame himself for what happened. He couldn't have predicted a rouge demodog would come out of nowhere and attack.

Max entered the bedroom carefully holding a large bowl of warm water and two clean rags. Behind her Dustin carried a white first aid kit box.

"Warm water to clean the wound, and I checked to make sure there are bandages in the kit." Max explained, sounding like a little nurse.

"Thanks." Steve answered quickly, slowly lifting the blood soaked rag to view the damage on your leg.

"Oh ewww!" Dustin exclaimed as he watched, the comment earned a glare from Steve. Max was quick to punch Dustin's shoulder before pushing him out of the room.

Once the door was shut Steve lifted the rag off your leg again, he winced slightly, taking in how deep the wound was. You could tell this sort of thing was a bit much for him, but you didn't dare tell him to stop. He was determined to take care of you.

"It might hurt a little." the Hawkins heartthrob warned as he dipped one of the clean rags in the warm water.

"Yeah, I figured as much." you answered, sitting up slightly so you could watch him dress the wound.

The first time he dabbed the cloth against the gash you instinctively flinched at the burning pain. Your reaction caused Steve's hand to shrink back and he watched you closely. His eyebrows knitted together as the corners of his mouth dipped downward into a sympathetic frown.

"I'm so sorry Y/N..." he mumbled, dabbing the cloth against your leg once again, slowly clearing the blood from around the wound.

"Stop apologizing Steve, none of this is your fault."

The boy had apologized for what seemed like the 20th time since you were brought back to the house. Seeing you in so much physical pain hurt him emotionally. The only way he could possibly try to make things better was by apologizing and doing everything he could to fix your leg.

"I just feel like this is because of me." he admitted.

"It's not, you saved me Steve. I don't see any of this as something you caused. You're my hero."

Calling him your hero brought the slightest of smiles to his lips. That quickly faded however when he saw blood start to seep from the wound again. Steve grunted in displeasure over the inability to stop the bleeding all together. He threw open the metal lid of the first aid kit and quickly began to search for large enough gauze pads.

"Where is the god damn gauze pads?!" he snapped as he tossed a few packages of band-aids off to the side.

"Steve, stop, take a deep breath." you placed your hand on his arm.

He felt ridged with nerves and anger. You could almost see the stress bubbling inside of him. From the moment you were attacked, Steve had been on all systems go. His mind was hyper fixated on getting you somewhere safe and somewhere he can tend to your injury. His focus had caused him to be snappy with the kids and hard on himself when something didn't go the way he wanted it to.

"I'm okay. I'm not going to die, sure, this hurts like a bitch but there is no need to be this hard on yourself now." you gently rubbed your thumb against his upper arm.

Your touch eased his anxiety almost instantly. His shoulders released and he let out a deep, slow breath, nodding in understanding.

With a calmer frame of mind, Steve was able to find the proper gauze pads and opened the package, setting two of them against your wound. You sat up further and placed your hand against the gauze so he could grab the bandage to wrap around your leg.

"This'll leave a pretty badass scar." you smiled.

Steve glanced over at you then snorted slightly at your comment. "Only you could say something like that after having a near death experience." he stated as he began to wrap your leg.

"Humor helps with the pain." you said with a shrug. "Plus I know I'll be alright. I'm here with you, my leg is bandaged up, I call this a win."

"Alright," Steve finished wrapping your leg and looked over at you. "But next time when the coach says to stay on the bench, we are staying on the damn bench."

His reference to what Mike said about being benched earlier in the night made you laugh.

"Okay, deal."

With your leg properly bandaged, Steve felt like he could finally relax, at least for a little bit. He pushed himself up towards the head of the bed so was he sat beside you, taking a pillow and placing it gently under your injured leg to keep it elevated. Once that was accomplished he wrapped his strong arms around your waist, pulling you flush against him.

"I'm so glad you're okay." he said barely above a whisper. His lips brushing against the hair on the side of your head as he kissed it a few times.

He savored every single second he spent with you now that he knew how fragile life was and how quickly he could lose the single most important thing in his life, you.

[literaryfandomangel]

The Promise - Chapter Sixteen

*TW * indepth talk about ED in this chapter

We entered the diner, Marko and Paul behind me as if they were sentries, ensuring the Princess didn't bolt. I swallowed as I followed David and Dwayne to a table in the restaurant's corner. David sat down first, then Dwayne on the opposite side. I slid into the booth beside David, Marko following. Paul pouted but sat beside Dwayne

. 

David handed me a sticky menu. The four guys each took a menu to peruse while my hands trembled as I forced myself to open it. All I could see were photographs of food. Hamburgers, cheeseburgers, french fries, milkshakes, BLTs.

My brain revolted, screaming at me to get out of that diner. My stomach roiled at the thought of this food anywhere near my lips, even while my hunger lashed out, demanding to be fed. 

Look at all those calories. You were doing so good. Don't let them touch your lips. Don't let them turn you fat! My thoughts were wild with the fear of food and self-deprecating. I didn't know how I would get out of this mess. But my thoughts were stifled by the appearance of the waitress. 

"Drinks?" She snapped gum behind her red lips. "What drinks can I get for ya?"

"Water!" I blurted out, dropping the sticky menu. "I just want a water." 

The other guys got soda. It hurt them to witness their mate in such turmoil and distress. A different distress than that which occurred on the Boardwalk. They could protect their mate from unwelcome advances - but they couldn't protect their mate from their own mind. 

My enemy wasn't a tangible thing. It was a thought. A thought that bled into my actions. Telling me that the food was terrible. David attempted to push his abilities onto me, but it wouldn't work due to the intense fear flooding my body. Their abilities were dampened when it came to mates, but it was startling for it not to work. 

Dwayne reached across the table with his massive hand. He grasped my left hand within his, providing comfort. I was seconds away from devolving into a full-blown panic attack at the thought of eating. Especially once I had seen the menu and mentally calculated the calories of each item. 

"Look at me," Dwayne commanded, his voice as smooth and rich as velvet. Something about his tone had me turning and looking into Dwayne's honey-brown eyes. "Why are you panicking right now, princess?"

"Don't want -" I gasped, throat closing as I shook my head. I couldn't - wouldn't - articulate why I was spiraling in the middle of a diner. Especially not in front of guys that I hadn't known for a long time. Regardless of the safety they enveloped me in, nor the familiarity of their touch. Even my closest friends in Phoenix had no idea about how bad I was getting until I was put into the inpatient program. 

"Food?" Paul asked, voice soft and serious. I looked at the wild-maned blonde man to see his mischievous look replaced by concern. I nodded, feeling Markos' hand rubbing circles into my back as a form of comfort.

"Let's look at the menu, kitten," David suggested, but I shook my head, eyes widening. The waitress came over with the drinks, still snapping gum. 

"You want to order yet?" She demanded, tone sounding bored. 

"No," Marko's cherubic face darkened as he bared his teeth at the waitress. She stepped back, feeling her instincts want to flee at the barely concealed predator beneath the surface. 

"Give us a bit more time," Dwayne cooed at the waitress. She nodded, slinking back behind the counter. David's hand came behind my head, smacking Marko sharply. He yelped, but that dark look was gone. 

"What about scrambled eggs?" Marko suggested, looking through his menu as I staunchly refused to open mine. "Dry toast?"

I stared at Marko for a moment, dumbfounded. These four men were more understanding than my own father. They were taking the time to find items on the menu that wouldn't send me into a complete meltdown. My father had pushed me to eat things on the menu that he knew I wouldn't eat, but these four seamlessly work together. Marko knew not to push, Dwayne wanted to discover why my meltdown, Paul guessed the issue, and David was the rock. 

My heart ached as I realized I wouldn't be pushed into eating. Or at least pushed into ordering something that I would never eat. My body relaxed, and my breathing slowed as I registered the situation around me. 

"Oh," I whispered, emotionally drained from that panic attack. I mentally calculated the amount of calories in the suggested meal. After a quick and estimated deduction, I decided it was the safest option. I nodded, telling Marko that would be fine. 

Paul snapped his fingers for the waitress. When she finally came over, the guys acted like she didn't exist. David ordered a cheeseburger and then placed my straightforward order. I smiled, happy that he had taken charge of the order. That would have made me self-conscious. The other three guys all ordered - Marko chose Belgian waffles. Paul got an American Breakfast with blueberry pancakes and a chocolate milkshake. Dwayne chose the Turkey Club. 

Listening to their orders made me realize how much those meals embodied the four men. Marko was sweet - cherubic and mischievous. But he had a dark side. Paul was both sweet and manly but liked to be childish and goofy. Dwayne was such a classical guy - turkey club on rye. And then David was the typical male specimen ordering a cheeseburger. The waitress huffed, marching to the kitchens for the food. 

"Do you think," I cut myself off mid-sentence, twiddling my thumbs. 

"Think what, love?" Paul asked, encouraging me to speak. All four men loved the cadence of their mate's voices and hoped to motivate me to speak more often. I was already talking more than I had before moving to Santa Carla. 

"Think she'll spit in the food?" I worried. The table erupted into amused laughter at my innocent question. I just blinked at them. It was a legitimate question. She really hated the five of us at this table. For what reason, I'm sure it had to do with the four guys. 

“Nah, mia cara,” Marko winked, wrapping his arm around my shoulder. His hand played with a lock of auburn hair hanging by my collarbone. “She wouldn’t dare.”

“But she seems to hate you all?” I questioned, sounding small as I asked that question. I wondered if they would think that I was jealous of that waitress. 

In that moment I caught a glimpse of why others seemed afraid of the group. There was something predatory, glinting in their eyes. My heart started to beat a little faster, a natural human response, but I wasn’t scared of them. They had been nothing but gentle with me. I could understand that these four men were rough around the edges - the punks of the Boardwalk - but they were total sweethearts while I was their focus. I can’t deny that their protectiveness made me feel loved, cherished. 

I listened while Paul went on a tangent about how the waitress thought she had a chance with David. A pang of something, jealousy no doubt, erupted in my heart, but I realized that she never had a chance with David. Therefore, I had nothing to be jealous about. David and the other three were pouring their attention into me, not other girls. Once Paul had finished his story, they started talking amongst themselves. 

I was content to just listen to their conversation about nothing. Feeling bold, I leaned against Marko’s side, soaking up his warmth. I looked up, seeing his golden locks, curling in the light. I was fascinated with Marko’s hair because my own hair wouldn’t hold a curl. It would take an entire bottle of Aquanet and mousse to keep my hair curly. Then I would be a hazard the second anyone lit a cigarette, spontaneously combusting due to the chemicals sprayed on my hair. 

I reached up and grasped a lock of his curly hair. I moved it every which way, entranced by the way it appeared to be liquid gold under the light. It was truly mesmerizing with the shimmer running through the curls. Marko’s hair was long, almost to his midback. The length of Marko’s hair rivaled my own auburn hair. 

I could feel the coils in his hair where a natural curl would begin when I held the strands straight. It was so foreign to realize that this was all natural. He didn’t curl it or perm it. I imagined that the back was brushed regularly since the curls were lighter in his longer hair. Directly on top of Marko’s head the curls were dense and tightly wound. Marko had felt my ministrations, starting to lightly purr at the feeling of my fingers in his hair. It wasn’t audible to my human ears, but the other three supernatural creatures could hear their brother purring for their human mate. 

“Orders!” The waitress said brusquely. I let my fingers slip from Marko’s hair, missing the pout on his face at the loss of feeling. The waitress plopped the plates of our food down, almost throwing them in her haste to retreat. The four guys began to dig into their food, but I just stared down at the stuff on my own plate. 

Slowly I unrolled the silverware. Then I began to cut the eggs into tiny pieces, before abandoning the idea of eating any of them as the grease shone under the light. I picked at the dry toast, putting mere crumbs into my mouth. The guys surreptitiously watched my habits, studying the way their mate ate. 

They noticed how I spent more time playing with my food. How I could make it appear as if I were actually eating more food than went into my mouth. They smirked, enjoying the manipulation tactics employed by their mate. They could only imagine how their mate’s manipulation tactics would aid in her undead life. But this display only made them concerned, since the four men realized that they might lose their human to this mental disease. 

“You want some strawberries, kitten?” David decided to try to cajole me into eating some more food. He slid the bowl of cut strawberries towards me. I nodded, feeling that strawberries were safe. I chewed each slice slowly and thoroughly, washing it down with a gulp of water. By the time that I was finished with my meal, I had probably eaten about half a slice of toast and half of the strawberries. 

When Paul got up to pay the bill, I asked if he could grab a cup of coffee, black, to-go. He nodded with a wink, before disappearing towards the counter where the waitress sighed. About five minutes later, Paul returned, holding a to-go cup of coffee in his hand. 

“Ready?” David drawled, in no rush to leave. He was eyeing the mostly full plate of food that was left in my wake. I nodded, smiling brightly as I took the cup of coffee from Paul. 

Chapter Seventeen

[moseslikellamas]

Cinders in the Dark pt.5

Pairing - Benjicot Blackwood x Whent!OC

Summary - The lord of Raventree arrives.

Warnings - Magic, delusions, trickery, frightening imagery, blood, graphic depictions of violence, depiction of death, depictions of panic attack, anxious thoughts, grief, not canon, Kieran Burton fancast.

Word count - 2k

Listen, I’m about to play VERY fast and lose with both how magic operates in asoiaf and significant cannon aspects. We’re all gonna have to suspend our disbelief and believe in the heart of the cards.

Lucinda had found her way back upstairs to her room much easier than she would’ve thought possible. She had even found her abandoned torch lying on the ground still flickering. As weird as things were, this did not concern her. She’d just picked it up and continued on her way back. Then she went up to her room and promptly fell asleep, exhausted.

She dreamed of being young again, just a small girl climbing trees and wading in creeks. Carefree and unencumbered. She dreamed of the sun on her face and the sound of her peers laughing. Most of all she dreamed of being held and the soft sounds of shared sleep. They twisted together in a golden ray of hope, something she had forgotten the feeling of.

When she woke, it was with purpose and a plan. The evening was late but no one had come up for her, so she had to assume the lord had not arrived. She set to work getting dressed, wearing another gray dress that nearly blended in with the depressing castle stones. It would’ve blended in completely if it weren’t for the embroidered front fabric which displayed her house colors and sigil. The tiny bats had garnets sewn in as eyes and they would shimmer in the torchlight whenever she moved. She’d hand stitched several dresses over the years. It was good to have hobbies in a place where reality twisted, it was something concrete to hold on to.

She spun around to face her cluttered desk, suddenly remembering the sword she had grabbed and looking for it. It lay untouched where she’d thrown it before collapsing into sleep. She walked over to it slowly, admiring the way the oil slick pattern shifted in the firelight, the shadows dancing along the blade. It didn’t make sense, any of it. The charred rib bone, the crown, nor the sword should exist because a burning pile of bones cannot give you physical objects. And yet all three lay there staring back at her accusatory. She didn’t own a sword sheath, why would she? But she had plenty of belts to spare. So she tied a few together and slid the sword in between, then strapped it to her side.

Lucinda had never swung a sword before and didn’t really intend to now. It was merely for show. And when a burning omen gives you a gift, you carry it. She tucked the rib in her dress top against her skin, but she did not wear the bramble crown. It was still coated in her blood and she didn’t relish wearing it again ever. So she just left it on her desk. The sun was nearly gone at this point, just the faintest bits of light were visible in the sunset.

Then she headed up the stairs two at a time to visit the witch again.

“S’not going to work.” She said right off first thing.

Lucinda huffed at her, irritated. “No lord is immune to Hemlock and I know you possess some.”

“Well that’s true enough. But that pretty blade of yours is just going to suck it up. How’d you like the Sept of Burnished Night?”

That was a nonsensical order of words to Lucinda. “Sept of what?” How could the night be burnished? It wasn’t a sword. She shook her head, irrelevant.

“The room you got the sword in, of course. Didn’t you see all of the polished stones?”

She’d been a bit busy going insane to admire the color or quality of the stone in the massively creepy room.

“Look, I don’t care about the Sept. If I can’t poison the blade then what can I do?”

The witch looked at her innocently. “Wait and see what happens? Easy enough.”

“Agh! Help me out here. I can’t just go in empty handed.”

But the witch had only clapped her hands and extinguished the light, leaving her alone again. Lucinda stood angrily in the doorway, the clear night sky peeking in through the windows. Then she sighed and started the long walk down to the main hall. All of the torches were out again and this time she knew she wasn’t leaving any windows open. It made the stairs dark and hard to navigate. She had to hug the wall because she couldn’t tell where the stairs ended. She breathed a sigh of relief when she reached the bottom.

She stepped into the great hall and had that relief stolen. All of the air was sucked out of her at the sight of hundreds of candles positioned around the room. They were on the floor, stacked on tables, high up on shelves. Everywhere she looked was the dim glow of a million tiny flames. She turned around and around, taking it all in. Why had they done this? And where was everyone? Surely she hadn’t missed supper, had she? She started to walk towards the kitchens to see what was going on in there but before she could reach the other side of the main hall, people began bringing in the dishes.

The entire house staff must have been helping to prepare the feast because it was an endless stream of people that came and went. Setting dishes down and then quickly exiting to go grab the rest. Lucinda decided she might wait somewhere else after all. She turned to leave but was stopped by a flood of Blackwood men coming in through the doorway. She hadn’t seen how many men had come originally with the imposter lord. It had only been the copy and a handful of men when they stood in front of her father that first time. Now she saw it was a quarter of a battalion at least.

Unable to fight through the incoming crowd she took her seat up on the dais, and waited for her father to arrive. The hall was eerily silent for the amount of men inhabiting it and it made her skin crawl. The only thing keeping her from bolting was the familiar sight of Orwyll standing by the door. Curiously, the copy of Lord Blackwood never showed up and she wondered if somewhere in the halls was a dead body. There couldn’t be two of him, so he would rid himself of the copy. It was a glum thought. At last her father arrived with her stepmother and her two baby brothers. That was concerning to her. Why would they bring the babes out? But she didn’t have long to ponder this before their guest of honor burst in.

The Lord strode in wearing a rich ruby cloak that billowed behind him. His hand rested on his sword pommel when he came to rest in front of the dias. Her father stood, raised his glass and called for a toast.

“To uniting these two great houses in holy matrimony.”

She hadn’t even really registered her fathers words because she was too busy watching the hand movements the lord was making. A queer moving of his fingers in a downward motion before flicking them up. By the time she looked up to meet his eyes, it was too late to stop him. Orwyll was across the room by the door and could not have hoped to reach them in time. Her father was grabbed from behind and pulled backwards out of sight. It was worse for her stepmother who started to scream when they ripped the children from her.

That was what got Lucinda up and on her feet, sword pulled out, standing in front of her stepmother. Her arms were shaking so badly she was afraid she might drop it. Their own guards had finally arrived but were having to fight through the crowd in the hall before hoping to step foot inside. She watched in silent shock as Orwyll was cut down, blood coating the walls before soaking into them. Her attention was split between the chaos of fighting and defending her stepmother who was still screaming. She’d lost sight of the babes in the sea of men writhing around them.

Lord Blackwood stood in front of her, the candlelight reflected brightly in his eyes. He did not draw his own sword as he approached her. She was overwhelmed by the amount of things happening and her mind was trying to shut down. But she held fast and tried to swing at him when he got within range. It was a sad attempt and he’d simply batted the blade out of her hands. It hit the floor with an echoing clang. Her stepmother was still screaming behind her. The lord looked down at her.

“You’re not wearing your crown.”

She stared at him completely disoriented, saying nothing. That was when someone ended her stepmother's screaming, the sound of metal on flesh and then silence. Lucinda winced when she heard the sound of her body hitting the ground. She took one stuttering step backwards, her vision filling with black spots before she lost the fight to be conscious.

***

When Lucinda woke her head was pounding. She groaned, putting both hands on her head and rubbing. It took her a full minute before she would attempt to open her eyes and a minute more before she could force them to stay open. She sat up slowly, trying not to jostle her aching head. Her hand was wrapped up and she looked at it confused. The events of the night came back to her and she began to hyperventilate, glancing around the room frantically. She calmed down a bit seeing she was back in her own room alone.

She tried not to think of what happened at dinner. But it was impossible not to. The sight of blood on the stone floor and walls followed her eyes wherever she looked. The lord hadn’t outright killed her or her father. She tried to think even less of the marriage proposal that had been sprung on her. She had no doubt that it was a sham. They had intended to take the castle after all. She would’ve been glad to be rid of it, they could have it free of charge. No need for murder, just have it. But if they were here and in such a force it was likely the crown knew about the trip.

Lucinda said a small curse to the witch in the tall tower. Nothing crazy, just that she would fall down the stairs… and off the side plunging to the ground. ‘Wait and see. Easy enough.’ What a joke of advice that had been. That’s how she wished her fall to be, easy enough. She stood gingerly before walking over to the window. Outside the stars twinkled so brightly they seemed to mock her. A night like this shouldn’t be beautiful, it should be dark and wretched. She stood there, wishing she could climb atop her horse and leave this horrible castle.

Her door squeaked open and she turned to see who would enter.

“Lady Whent.” The Blackwood lord said, dipping his head towards her.

“Abomination.” She snarled back. They were past the point of pleasantries in her eyes, if they’d ever been there to start with.

For the first time she saw the lord smile, a true grin broke out on his face at her words. He stepped closer to her, crowding her in by the window. He paused when he spotted the crown on her desk and picked it up. He twirled it in his hands, not making a sound when the thorns cut into his hands. Then he stepped even closer, forcing her to crane her neck to look up at him.

“My queen.” He whispered, placing the crown delicately back on her head.

She looked up at him eyes wide, heart pounding. He offered her his arm to take and having no other choice she did. And together they began to descend the staircase towards the ground floor. The torches were glowing with the gleam of scarlet as they walked.

[citruswriter]

Got room for two more?

Chapter Two - Warm Colors

A Bale AU Fic

Listen with me! ↠ⁿᵉˣᵗ ˢᵒⁿᵍ ↺ ʳᵉᵖᵉᵃᵗ ⊜ ᵖᵃᵘˢᵉ

Warnings: Tcest (you have been warned!), Character x OC, polyamory, long fic, falling in love quickly bc just bc I'm demi doesn't mean I won't make fictional characters immediately fall in love, angst, panic attack, comfort, slight spice but nothing actually explicit.

A/N: Ok so like, you see, I actually have phenomenal writing powers if I'm motivated to write smthn. 😂

It had been about two weeks since the sisters had "moved in". In that time, the two girls had pretty much relaxed all the way. Unfortunately for Raphael, there had begun a new problem. And it's name was Stellara. Raph couldn't get the damn woman outta his head and he didn't know why. He felt guilty. He already had five other wonderful mates, so why was he crazy about the white haired woman? He decided to clear his head by working out in the gym.

But as he entered the little gym area, he saw the one and only, Stellara. The woman was stretched into a kapotasana yoga pose. Her stomach and chest arched upwards to the ceiling. Raph felt his face go red as he choked on his saliva, causing Stellara's eyes to crack open. "Raph?" She called out and Raph decided that there was no going back now. He stepped in, making his way to the weights. "Hey. Hope I'm not bothering you". He grunted, setting his water down to grab at some weights.

The woman smiled affectionately, lifting her legs to place herself in a forearm stand, legs spread so one foot was pointed to the ceiling and the other one was pointed to the floor. "Not at all. Please feel free". She replied before closing her eyes once more. Raph tried to focus on his workout. Really he did. But it was hard when the split pants that Stellara was wearing seemed to elegantly drape over the woman's body. "You uh, you workout a lot?" Raph asked as he started his first set of curls.

The woman's eyes remained closed, but an ear angled more his way, letting him know that she was listening. "Usually. I do a lot of calisthenics and leg work. But today is Saturday, one of my rest days, so instead I'm doing yoga." The woman replied, gracefully moving to stand on her feet before moving into her next pose.

"What's that pose called?" Raph asked. Stellara smiled despite her eyes still being close in soft meditation. "The twisted dragon." She said gently. I'd like to twist you into some positions... Raph thought suddenly only to immediately brush said thoughts to the side. No, no, no! That's no way to think of our guest Raph! "It's great for leg flexibility and opening the hips". Stellara added.

Raph swallowed thickly as he stared at her bare legs. "You have nice legs." He blurted out. Stellara's eyes snapped open as she whipped her head around to stare at Raph, eyes wide as saucers. Stellara's pupils were dilated so far that he could barely see her golden iris's. "Sorry! I didn't mean to say that out loud!" Raph stuttered. "Raph is sorry. Raph hopes he didn't make you uncomfortable". He kept sputtering out apologies, not stopping until the kitsune was in front of him.

He slowly quieted, nervous as to what she would do next. "Thank you, Raph. I appreciate the compliment". The woman said with a smile. Raph let out a sigh of relief only for his breath to hitch once more as the woman placed a hand on him. Her hand was warm against her plastron. "Raph? Are you ok? You're awfully red." She said.

"Aha. Raph is fine." Was his sole response but Stellara looked unsatisfied. "Bend down, Raph. Let me feel your forehead". She softly demanded. He thought about denying her. He was a massive giant, it wouldn't be hard. But something told him it would be futile. So he sighed, kneeling down to her height and lowering his head. Stellara placed the back of her hand to his forehead and his cheeks. "Oh my Amaterasu! Raph you're burning up!" She said worridly.

Without another word, she grabbed his hand and tugged him forward with a strength he wasn't expecting from her tiny body. He flushed once more as he let her tug him along. "Leo!" She called out. "Where is that man? Leonardo!" Eventually she tracked down the slider, him grumbling something about her volume.

"Leo I think Raph is sick. I felt his face and he's burning up! Maybe he just feels warmer because my hands are cold or he was working out but I thought I'd bring him to you anyways. Just to be sure". Leo looked at Stellara's worried expression and he couldn't help but feel his heart melt at her genuine kindness. "I'm sure he's fine but I'll tell you what. How about I look him over and let you know if he's sick or not. Deal?" He said and Stellara immediately nodded.

Stellara then turned to the red giant, grabbing both his hands in her own incredibly tiny ones. "You take it easy, ok? I'll clean up your things in the gym and drop them off in your room". She said and Raph couldn't help but smile shyly. "Th-thank you, Stellara. I appreciate it". He said, cursing at the blush he knew was present on his face once more.

━━━━━━♡♥♡━━━━━━

Back in Leo's room, Leo did as he promised and gave Raph a thorough checking, even though they both knew he wasn't sick. "So what was that about? I don't think I've seen you that flustered since before we were together". He said stiffly, trying not to let the jealousy seep into his tone.

Raph winced and looked away. "Look, I don't know what's gotten into me but Stellara is... something. She's beautiful and kind. She's like a mixture between Mikey and Donnie. Look I'm not saying I've caught feelings or anything. But I don't think what I'm feeling is entirely platonic either. I'm sorry. I feel so bad about it." He said, looking away with shame. He waited for Leo to have a reaction, the slider got jealous very fast. But instead, he heard his brother sigh out.

"I'm not mad Raph. I understand. You can't control how you feel. Now I'm not gonna say I'm not jealous but I will say that I'm not mad and that you shouldn't be ashamed of your feelings." Leo said gently. "Stella is a kind-hearted person with a beautiful soul." He said, grabbing Raph's face to look at him.

"And great legs. Did you see her thighs in those split pants?" He blurted out. Leo paused for a second before laughing, Raph relaxing and joining in on the laughter as well. "Yeah I think I can agree with you there buddy."

━━━━━━♡♥♡━━━━━━

"Um, hey Mikey?" A soft voice came and Mikey almost jumped from fright. "Shit woman, don't scare me like that". He said, clutching his chest. Stellara sheepishly smiled. "Sorry. I was just hoping we could um, talk? April said you're the guy to talk to about like um, feelings n stuff." She said softly, looking down in what seemed to be embarrassment.

"Absolutely! I'm Dr. Feelings, step into my office". Mikey said, grabbing a pair of fake glasses and putting them on before going to sit in a chair of his. Stellara cautiously stepped in, taking a seat on one of his bean bag chairs.

"What's on your mind?" Mikey asked and Stellara blushed, smoothing the wrinkles in her split pants. "Um... I think I like somebody?" She said, making it sound more of a question rather than a statement. Mikey raised a brow at her. "Oh? And is that a good thing or a bad thing?" He asked and Stellara sighed. "Bad. Very, very bad".

"Bad?" Mikey gasped. "How could it possibly be bad? You're in love, Stella! That's a good thing!" He cooed and Stellara cringed. "He's taken, Mikey! That's the problem! And besides, I'm no good in relationships". She said wistfully, eyes cast to the side. Mikey looked at her confused. "What do you mean?" He asked gently and Stellara looked up to meet Mikey's eyes. "I don't know. People just... leave."

Her golden orbs were downcast once more. "Maybe I'm not fun enough? I like to stay home. My ideal date is movies or painting. I find peace in the mundane. I want a family. I don't want to go out and party and get drunk at the bar. I want to wake up in somebody's arms and make them coffee with stupid cute latte art. I could care less about going out on fancy dates when we can stay home and do yoga together and then take a bath after. I'm not... what people want. I'm the second choice. The rebound. I'm the person who teaches you how to love... but not the person you end up loving". Stellara couldn't stop the words that poured out of her mouth, voice cracking as she got more and more emotional.

"Men, women, monogamous, polyamorus. I've done it all. And people never stay. Am I just not good enough? I love so much and with such intensity. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. And now I think I like somebody again and it's not even somebody I can have and it's all so stupid." Stellara's chest began to heave as she began to spiral into a panic attack, tears spilling over her cheeks as more and more words poured from her heart and out past her trembling lips.

Suddenly Stellara's eyes widened and her hands snapped to her neck to clutch her throat, the intensity of her emotions causing her throat to swell up and keep her from breathing. Mikey sprang forward and into action. "Stella. Stella stay with me. Look at me. I need you to look at me". The woman's eyes were wide with fear, they looked almost feral as her body shook.

Mikey grabbed her face in an attempt to force her to look at him. It worked, her eyes snapping to attention as she felt his warmth. "Deep breaths. Please, Stella. I need you to take deep breaths." He said, thumbs rubbing over her cheekbones. "Come on. Do it with me." Mikey began to do deep breathing with her. It took time but eventually she was able to match Mikey's breathing, although her body was still trembling.

Mikey moved his arms down to her shoulders and arms. "You good? Can I touch you?" He asked gently and Stellara nodded. Mikey sighed softly and pulled her into a tight hug, he felt her tense before relaxing into his hold. "M sorry. I didn't mean to lose control like that". She said finally, nuzzling slightly into his chest.

Mikey rubbed the woman's back until she stopped trembling. "There we go. You feeling better now?" Mikey cooed. Stellara shifted enough to look up at him through wet lashes with big doe eyes. "Yeah Mikes. I'm good". The woman replied and Mikey swallowed thickly.

Oh fuck. Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck. "Mikey?" Stellara noticed his dazed look but all Mikey noticed was the way her tone had a whine to it as she said his name, voice still raw from crying. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Get yourself together. "M-Mikey?" To Stellara, Mikey was looking down at her with an almost husky expression. To Mikey, Stellara look perfect. Wet lashes, puffy lips, chest slightly heaving as she whined out his name.

Mikey dipped his head down lower, causing the kitsune to back up slightly. He wanted to kiss her, nip at her lip, slide his tongue into her mouth and taste her. Maybe taste her in other ways too. He wanted to make her whine his name out again as she arched off his sheets and- "Mikey?" Another voice broke the silence, finally jerking Mikey out of his stupor. His eyes shot up to see Chiyo.

Chiyo simply leaned up against the doorway, eyes narrowed in suspicion. "And what exactly is going on here?" She asked. Stellara and Mikey took one glance at each other before jumping away from each other. "Oh I came to talk about feeling with Mikey and I had a panic attack so he hugged me to calm me down!" Stellara said in a rushed manner.

"Wait. Stell. You had a panic attack? Are you ok?" Chiyo said, immediately changing moods and moving closer to her sister. Stellara stood on her feet and nodded. "Yeah. Mikey helped me through it." She said, giving a small smile as her sisters hands came up to cup her cheeks. "Oh thank goodness. I'm so glad. Thank you Mikey." Chiyo said, giving Mikey a thankful smile.

"Oh it was no problem. Just another day's work for Dr. Feelings!" Mikey said, laughing nervously. "Of course. Hey uh, Chiyo, I'm hungry. Wanna go best up some leftovers pancakes from breakfast?" She asked and Chiyo grabbed her sisters hand. "Oh absolutely!"

As the woman dragged her sister off to the kitchen, all Stellara could think about was Mikey. Had he been about to kiss her? What would he have done if she let him. Or better yet, how far would she have let him gone...?

Anyways I have today off apparently??? So don't be surprised if you get more than one chapter today. Remember to block appropriate tags if you don't wish to see updates of this fic!

Taglist: @cherrytreatsart

[sourskywalker]

Mrs Darth Vader - Part 4; New home

Relationship: Darth Vader x Fem!Reader

Series Summary: Newly appointed Emperor Vader, has been hassled about getting married and producing an heir. Whilst having a meeting with Admiral Piett he meets his second in command's daughter, Y/n.

Series Warnings: Age difference, forced marriage, eating disorders, postpartum depression, suicide attempt, toxic relationship, smut, angst, pregnancy, darth vader is not only a massive creep but also an asshole, referenced suicide

Chapter Warnings: Blood, panic attack

Chapter Summary: The reader arrives at the Palace

Word Count: 2.1k

Your gaze swept over the exterior of the manor you’d lived in for nineteen years. God, the thought of leaving your home, the home where you spent days wandering dimly lit hallways, discovering secret passageways that mostly led to the servant quarters and then playing in the gardens after lessons. Now looking back on all those memories a pang of melancholy blossomed in your heart.

It had only been a few days since the night Vader proposed to you. But word managed to move around fast, and now everyone in the Galaxy knew of your engagement. Your life in the manor was a quiet one, and now, you were going to be thrust into the spotlight for all to see.

The thought of becoming Empress is daunting. People are going to be following your every move and one little slip up could cause a catastrophe.

“Darling? Are you ready to go?” Your father walked past the double door entrance and towards you, his hand landing gently on your shoulder

“I don’t think I can do this, papa” You responded, your throat felt dry and you swore that if you didn’t sit down soon you’d probably pass out

“Oh honey” He pulled you against his chest, arms wrapping around you comfortingly “Don’t worry, you’re just feeling nerves, is all. Once you’re properly settled into the Palace you’ll feel better in no time..” His voice was a chipper one, a rarity for your father “Besides, the Emperor has been anxiously awaiting your arrival”

“I don’t want to marry him!” You exclaim, pulling away from your father harshly and adjusting your slightly crumpled blouse “He’s- He’s weird! He told me about his first wife and how I reminded him of her.” You were pacing at this point “And then right after he proposed to me, he called me Padmé..Who is Padmé-?”

“That’s enough!” Your father snapped, causing you to stop mid-rant “I forbid you to say anything bad about the Emperor, he chose you to be his bride… We are leaving” Your father gripped you by the arm and dragged you towards the speeder, he threw you in and slammed the door in your face

You had no time to react as the speeder started humming to life. You clambered to the window seat, hands pressed against the glass as the vehicle sped down the gravel road. Tears welled up in the corners of your eyes. “For the love of the maker- be strong, girl!” Your father who was sitting in the front passenger seat remarked when he noticed the tears starting to slip down your cheeks, you hastily wiped them away, your bare arm wiping under your nostrils and collecting the snot which was starting to slip down

Your chest was burning and it felt like your throat was closing up as you watched the manor disappear and was instead replaced with the scenery of trees.

~~~~

It didn’t take long until you noticed the grand Palace coming into view, bustling streets slowing the speeder down slightly. Eventually, the speeder slowed to a stop in front of the Palace doors.

“Welcome, Miss” A butler opened the door and bowed, hand outstretched “The Emperor has been waiting most anxiously for your arrival”

You simply smiled in response, allowing for the palace servants to guide you inside. It was exactly as it looked that night, only slightly lighter due to natural sun rays filtering through the windows.

A finger swiped at the window sill and when you inspected it, there was no trace of dust. “We won’t have to walk for much longer, miss. The throne room is just a few doors down” The butler explained “And don’t worry about getting lost, we’re always here to assist” The doors swung open “Miss Y/n Piett, your Majesty” The butler announced before quickly scuttling away

The intimidating figure of Vader sitting on the throne caused your heart to squeeze in unease as you slowly made your way towards him, steps were meek until you eventually stopped at the front of the throne and dipped yourself into a courtesy

“Your Majesty” You muttered loud enough for him to hear you

“Rise, little one” You complied almost instantly and stood to your full height, Vader rose from his place at the throne, his gaze never leaving yours as he stepped down from the throne “You look divine, little one” He commented

“Thank you, sir” You replied

“Come with me” It wasn’t a question, and you allowed him to guide you from the throne room and through the confusing hallways “My wife always had a good eye when it came to decor, I hope that you’ll be the same”

You gulped down the knot that was forming in your throat and smiled “I’ll do my very best, sir”

“Please” Vader interrupted “Call me Vader. We are to be married”

“As you wish, Vader” His hand grasped yours and squeezed it reassuringly as he took you up a flight of stairs and down a long hallway. He stopped at the last door, the door swinging open revealing a plain bedroom, which resembles more of a lowly peasants room than that of a nobles

“This is your room” He stepped in after you, watching as you examined the room “It will only be temporary, so there will be no use in redecorating” He paused for a moment before continuing “After we are married, you shall move into my quarters. But for now, we must follow protocol”

You only nodded in response, your chest once again squeezing painfully “Thank you, Vader, you are most kind”

This seemed to satisfy the Emperor who added “I have other things to attend to, but I would be most happy if you graced me with your presence for a stroll before dinner” You said nothing and so he continued “I’ll have one your new maids come and fetch you” The door closed with a quiet click and you were left in complete silence

You carefully made your way towards the bed, only to dip down uncomfortably low against the mattress. The silence was deafening and you felt the tears gently well up in your eyes. Through the blurriness, you eyed the drab temporary room; cobwebs decorated the corners of the ceiling, and the covers on the bed were barely holding it together, you vaguely wondered how comfortably you’d be able to sleep on such an uncomfortable mattress and much too soft pillows. The realisation of what your future was going to look finally hit, your chest started heaving, the tears that were once beginning to form in the corner of your eyes were starting to drip down your cheeks.

You were going to marry Vader

You were going to become Empress

You were going to have Vader's children

Children...

The word felt wrong, you could never imagine yourself having children at a young age- or even any at all. However, the decision would be out of your hands as soon as you married the Emperor. Hell, the decision wasn’t yours the second you agreed to marry him.

You finally stood up, walking towards the dressing table. You pulled the chair back and took a seat on the plump cushion; At least there was one comfy thing in this awful bedroom. Your hand gently smoothed itself over the surface, and you were almost impressed at the cleanliness. Though you’d quickly snapped out of the trance you were in when your hand collided with the vase of roses and you winced as shards of glass sprayed all over the ground

“Kriff…” You muttered, quickly kneeling to the ground, your fingers plucking up the large bits of glass and placing them in your hand. You let out a sharp hiss as you felt bits of the glass cut into your hand and you watched as beads of blood stained your skin

“Miss?” There was a quiet knock at the door and a head poked through the crack in the door. The young woman scuttled forward, the many fabrics of a dress spilling over her arms, and she had to tread carefully, in fear of tripping over. She let out a successful huff, dropping the dress onto the bed, her smirk falling when she saw the scene of you on the floor, glass cutting harshly into your skin. You couldn’t blame her for the shocked scream she let out, if you were in her position you too would’ve thought something else was going on.

~~~~

Nothing was said as the young maid dutifully bandaged up the cut “My name is Alicgil” She started “I’m one of your maids” You said nothing, opting to stare out the window, she quickly tied the bandage off and smiled at you warmly “The Emperor asked me to tell you that he would like you to wear this dress” You side-eyed the gown, eyes wandering over the intricate placement of the sequins over the front of the deep purple dress

“It’s beautiful” You commented, fingers skimming over the fabric

“He told me its a difficult dress to get into, so I’ll be happy to assist if you-”

“No thank you” You stood up and hastily discarded your outfit until it was nothing but a pile on the floor. Picking up the dress you turned it over in your hands and quickly realised that getting dressed into this thing with no assistance would not be easy “Actually…” You chewed on the bottom of your lip “Perhaps I will need a little assistance”

Alicgil clapped her hands together excitedly and rushed to stand behind you “The Emperor told me how this dress wasn’t brought but was specifically designed for you! How romantic” Alicgil was practically swooning as she tightened up the lacing on the back until it fit your figure snugly, she quickly bustled away only to return moments later with a long coat in a darker shade of purple. She stepped away and you looked towards the mirror, admiring the light purple swirls which decorated the longcoat. “Oh! I almost forgot!” She said, her hands rummaging through her pockets, until she pulled out a box. Inside the box was a brass colored collar “The Emperor also requested for you to wear this” You nodded, pulling it from the velvet covering and gently strapped it around your neck

“I must admit, the Emperor truly does have spectacular taste” You commented, you gave a slight twirl and watched as the bottom of the dress flared out slightly

Alicgil leaned forward, her hands comfortingly gripping your shoulders as she said; “While you’re out having dinner with the Emperor, I’ll clean up the mess” She gestured towards the spot on the floor, covered in roses, water and glass

“Thank you…”

~~~~

“Thank you for joining me, Y/n” Vader said, he grabbed your hand and bowed, the smooth surface of his mask bumping against your knuckles

“Thank you for the offer, Vader” You replied, a soft smile spreading across your face

With his arms tucked behind his back he walked alongside you until you reached the entrance to another garden, slightly different to the one a few nights prior “You look beautiful in the dress, little one, in fact, you look more beautiful than I imagined”

“It only looks beautiful because you designed it”

“Yes…” You caught onto the change in his tone, his movement faltering slightly, as if he was caught doing something he wasn’t supposed to do. “What happened to your hand?” He asked, his eyes wandering towards the bandage

“O-oh!” You chuckle, rubbing the back of your neck with your non-injured hand “I accidentally knocked over a vase of roses, I probably shouldn’t have tried to pick up the shards of glass” He nodded absentmindedly at your response

Silence filtered through the already awkward atmosphere, only to be broken moments later when Vader hesitantly spoke “I was your age when I first wed”

“Mmmhm” You nodded absentmindedly, your fingers rubbing against the smooth fabric of the coat in order to distract yourself from the unease that was building in the pit of your stomach

“Nobody knew of the marriage, it was a secret we had kept hidden from prying eyes. But, behind closed doors we were like any married couple” He paused for a moment before adding; “It was beautiful” You had no idea why he was telling you this. Was it so you’d know more about his life before he became a Sith? Or was it to rub it in that you’ll always be second best?

You didn’t get to dwell on the matter any longer, as seconds later, a butler appeared announcing dinner. Vader walked on ahead of you, and you sighed quietly.

It was best for you to get used to this. You had a gut feeling that this would end up being the norm.

END OF CHAPTER

[hopelesslygaysstuff]

pairing: wanda maximoff x fem!reader

summary: the first interview! also hella gay panic from y/n

content warnings: none

word count: 3.1k

Series Masterlist

The drive to Wanda’s office was relatively short, as her house was only five minutes from the city. What y/n wasn’t expecting was the massive modern looking building they parked in front of. Honestly, it looked like one of those buildings an evil scientist uses in action films. Privately, y/n thought that Tony could take some advice from Wanda on how to make his own buildings more impressive. 

Y/n was so caught up in her thoughts of modern architecture that she missed Wanda getting out of the car until the woman opened the passenger door and bent down.

“Jesus fucking christ” 

Wanda let out a surprised laugh as y/n placed a hand over her heart and looked at her with wide eyes. “Darling I didn’t mean to scare you, I apologize for the near heart attack.”

“No it’s fine, just leave me here and let me die of a heart attack in peace thank you.” Y/n joked as her heart finally slowed from its erratic beating. Except her stupid heart started beating fast again once her brain realized how close Wanda was to her face. She was looking at y/n with crinkles at the corner of her green eyes, and her lips were turned up into a small smile.

Y/n cleared her throat and moved to get out of the car. She made it to her feet before realizing that Wanda hadn’t stepped back, and they were now standing face to face. Wanda’s head was tilted slightly as y/n froze and after a few seconds of silence, she finally broke eye contact and stepped away. 

“The employee entrance is just this way, and the elevator up to my office is in the center of the building.” Wanda paused as she looked back at y/n, who was still frozen with her hand clenched on the top of the car door. “We’ll need to walk fast to make it to the first interview, so I suggest we move now dear.”

Y/n’s brain finally started working again and she gave Wanda a slightly sheepish grin as she released her grip on the car door and gently shut it. Upon hearing the beep of the car locking and watching Wanda make her way to a metal door on the side of the building, y/n’s feet finally started moving. 

The walk from the employee entrance to the elevator was surprisingly long, the smaller hallway leading out into an open space with a marble reception desk in the center. Wanda smiled at the receptionist when she looked up from her computer, and the girl blushed as soon as she saw her boss walk in. She stammered a good morning with her hands stilled on the keyboard in front of her, and Wanda was waved through the metal detector to the side of the desk. As soon as Wanda’s back was turned as she walked towards the elevators behind the reception desk, the girl looked questioningly at y/n and gave her a quick once over before dismissively waving her through.

Y/n felt her cheeks heat up as she walked through the metal detector and caught up to Wanda, who was now in full CEO mode. She could still feel the stare of the receptionist from behind them, but it soon faded as they walked into the elevator. Wanda pulled a key card from her pocket and swiped it through the card reader before pressing the button for the top floor.

‘Of course her office would be on the top floor. She’s probably richer than Tony is, and way more attractive.’

Ok wow, that thought was really unhelpful, seeing as y/n was now stuck in an elevator with the way more attractive CEO.

‘Stop thinking about how attractive she is.’

Y/n let out a sigh as her brain continued to comment on all the attractive aspects of the woman beside her, and Wanda glanced at her as she slumped against the side of the elevator slightly.

“It’s alright to be nervous, the interviews can be nerve wracking.” Wanda said softly, noticing how y/n’s body straightened automatically once she had spoken. 

“The interviews aren’t the thing making me nervous.” Y/n said as she met Wanda’s eyes, then immediately went rigid with her eyes wide open.

‘Nice going.’

Wanda simply smirked with one eyebrow raised before turning her gaze back to the numbers slowly counting higher. Y/n tried and failed to suppress the embarrassed blush from rising, and dropped her gaze to the floor. Maybe if she didn’t look at Wanda, her brain would start working properly.

Wanda continued to calmly watch the numbers as they counted higher, her hands casually in the pockets of her dress pants, and y/n struggled to remain composed while breathing in the scent of vanilla and hearing the slow, measured breaths beside her. She was focused on breathing at the same pace as Wanda, when the elevator suddenly dinged, throwing off y/n’s breathing pattern and making her heart race once more.

Wanda stepped smoothly off the elevator, heels clacking on the floor as y/n scrambled to  follow. The redhead started to point to different doors lining the large hallway and mentioned each employee who was working within them, with some of the offices already having occupants who waved as they walked past. Their names were engraved onto a small metal sign next to the door, so y/n quickly memorized the order and the names of each person as they walked. 

At the end of the hall stood a door that looked identical to the other ones, but the name on the sign read Wanda Maximoff. Y/n stared at the sign as Wanda unlocked the door and opened it, before placing her hand on y/n lower back to gently lead her inside.

“The first interview is in 5 minutes” Wanda said as she turned on multiple lamps around the room, before walking over to her desk and setting her bag on top of it. Y/n nodded as she glanced around at the room, taking in the large windows and comfortable couches in the center. Once she was done admiring the interior design of the office, she looked back at Wanda, who had taken off her outer jacket and was walking towards her with a stack of papers in her hands. 

Wanda handed her the papers, before grabbing a pen and notepad from the small table near one of the couches. “Each packet holds all the necessary information you’ll need for each person we’re interviewing today.” She nodded at the paper on the top of the stack, and y/n started to skim through the information.

Wanda sat down on one of the couches with one leg comfortably crossed over the other, and y/n absentmindedly sat down across from her as she read about the man coming in for the first interview.

The packet showed a picture of a blond man with a name underneath it. 

‘Elijah isn’t a very moanable name’

Thanks brain, y/n thought as she continued to read about the man, noting that he had been a dominant for around three years. His type of dominant style included a lot of rope and what looked like very uncomfortable positions. 

Something must have shown on y/n’s face, because Wanda sat forward slightly and spoke quietly. “Not every person we interview will be the right one for you, we’re going to be looking at a lot of different types of people today.”

Y/n smiled, slightly relieved. She really didn’t want to be hung up from the ceiling with rope, and she glanced through the rest of the first packet before placing it at her side. Wanda was writing something on her phone, her eyebrows slightly furrowed as her fingers moved quickly across the screen. Y/n absentmindedly noted how pretty the rings on Wanda’s hands were, and was imagining Wanda taking them off slowly when a brisk knock sounded from the door.

‘Cockblocked from my own imagination, how typical.’

Wanda finished typing and set her notepad and phone down on the seat beside her, before standing up and looking directly at y/n. “Ready?” She questioned as she moved towards the door, eyes still on y/n. 

Y/n took a deep breath before nodding and giving what she hoped was an enthusiastic smile. “Ready as I'll ever be.”

With y/n’s affirmative answer, Wanda turned the doorknob and opened the door, stepping to the side as she greeted the man with a firm handshake and an easy smile.

“Elijah, meet y/n.” Wanda gestured towards a chair between the couches as she reclaimed her seat. The blond man, no Elijah, stopped in front of y/n as he reached out his hand. Y/n shook it firmly while maintaining eye contact as the man introduced himself and sat down in the offered chair. 

She risked a glance over at Wanda, who had a pen uncapped in her relaxed grip. The woman was watching her as Elijah made himself comfortable in the chair. Y/n looked back towards the man as Wanda spoke.

“Why don’t you tell y/n a little bit about your experience as a dominant, and what type of submissive you’re looking for.” Wanda kept her eyes on y/n as Elijah began to speak.

“I started my journey in the BDSM community around three years ago. I had always thought it would be interesting to learn about so I signed up for one of the classes offered here.” Elijah nodded towards Wanda as he continued, “The class I took was an introductory one, but it made me realize that I wanted to be a dominant so I started taking classes more regularly. In these classes I learned about different types of styles a dominant could take. After my first class on rope bondage I found my passion and what type of dominant I wanted to be.”

Elijah continued to speak about his experience being a dominant in the community and what type of submissives he had in the past, while Wanda watched y/n’s reactions.

He mentioned some of the more elaborate rope techniques he had tried, and y/n’s eyes slowly widened. He described one of the scenes he demonstrated for an event and her hands started to fidget with the hem of her shirt. Wanda noticed y/n as subconsciously leaning away from Elijah as he spoke, with her feet facing towards Wanda instead of the man next to her.

Wanda noted the way that the girl held direct eye contact with Elijah, something in her gaze telling Wanda that y/n didn’t want to relinquish what little control she had of the interview. Wanda wrote something down, and y/n glanced quickly at her after catching the movement from the corner of her eye.

Y/n watched Wanda scrawl across the page in neat handwriting, before shaking herself back into reality and once again making eye contact with the man across from her. He was saying something about which types of knots he used for different scenes, and y/n nodded along while Wanda occasionally wrote something down.

Eventually, Elijah ran out of things to say and y/n let out a soft breath that Wanda recognized as relief. Y/n slowly stood up and offered her hand again to the blond, who had mirrored her actions and was also standing. 

“It was really nice to meet you Elijah, thank you for the interview.” Y/n once again gripped the man's hand in a solid yet brief handshake, and walked him to the door. Elijah gave Wanda a short nod of his head as a goodbye before the door snicked shut. 

Y/n slowly turned to Wanda, who had recapped her pen and was now staring intently at her, one leg crossed over the other. Y/n fidgeted in the silence, before finally making her way to the couch and sitting across from Wanda once again.

“I didn’t really vibe with him.”

Wanda let out a bark of laughter as she replied, “Darling I knew that from the moment you started reading his file.” She sat back and watched y/n’s face morph into confusion.

“If you knew I didn’t like him, then why did we have the interview?”

Wanda exhaled slowly as she tapped her pen against the notepad in her lap, making y/n notice that she had neatly scrawled a bulleted list. Wanda’s lips turned up into a smile as y/n grew even more confused.

“Why are there so many notes?” Y/n couldn’t fathom that Wanda found Elijah interesting enough to write down notes for almost half a page.

Wanda chuckled lightly before turning the pad around so y/n could read what she had written. “These are notes on you my dear.” Y/n’s expression grew even more confused so Wanda explained.

“I know Elijah, he has been a part of this community for three years now and I know what type of dominant he is. You however, I don’t know as well. Therefore, all my notes are about your reactions to the interviewee.” She waited until y/n nodded her head with understanding in her eyes before pointing to the first note she made.

“You don’t like excessive rope usage, so any dominant with that as their forte is automatically out of the running. You also felt intimidated by Elijah’s firm grip, which tells me that you prefer someone who is a bit more gentle.” Wanda stopped when y/n opened her mouth to speak, the words spewing out in a rushed fashion.

“I wasn’t intimidated, I just think the whole I’m more dominant than you thing was a bit over the top. And I think ropes are just fine, but it was the only thing he had to offer!” Y/n let out a sharp breath at the end of her rant, and glared at the pen that Wanda once again writing with.

“What now?” Y/n crossed her arms and sat back on the couch as Wanda finished writing and looked back up at her. The redhead raised an eyebrow at the girl's defiant pose and turned the pad around so y/n would see what she had written.

“So you do like restraints then?”

Y/n’s face took on an adorable blush as she stuttered out a response. “I mean, sure, like I guess. It could be fun and yeah I’ve imagined some things with restraints and stuff but I don’t want them included every time I have sex.” The girl took in a shaky breath as she looked everywhere but Wanda’s face, before the tapping of her pen drew y/n’s eyes back to the paper. 

“And you do like someone with a dominant personality, but not someone who only uses it as an ego booster or a way to somehow prove they’re better than you.” Y/n could only stare at the paper. Wanda had read her like a book, and it was infuriating.

“How do you do that?” Y/n gestured to the paper as she raised her eyes to meet Wanda’s, her heart thudding at the intense eye contact. Wanda simply smiled as she sat back and said calmly, “I’m very good at reading people.” 

‘Yeah no shit’

“Well you’re obviously not that good, because you didn’t realize that I don’t even like men.”

Then y/n’s brain caught up to her mouth and she snapped her jaw shut so fast that even Wanda could hear the sound of her teeth clacking sharply together. Wanda simply raised her eyebrows as she uncapped her pen and wrote yet another thing down on the list.

“You also get defiant and bratty when someone attempts to exert control over you, but that's nothing that a proper punishment can’t fix.” Wanda stared into y/n’s eyes, and smiled victoriously as the girl's blush came back in full force. 

Y/n refused to look at Wanda, embarrassed at being read so easily by an almost complete stranger and mortified that she had spoken so aggressively. She clasped her hands tightly in her lap with her jaw clenched, until the silence became unbearable. Y/n raised her head to find Wanda’s eyes still on her, watching calmly.

Once she had y/n’s full attention back, Wanda spoke. “I understand that this is going to be difficult, but I am very good at my job and I will use my skill set at reading people to help you find someone most suited to you.” She raised her hand when y/n opened her mouth, her eyes taking on a dangerous glint at the almost interruption.

“As for your preference of women, we can easily make these interviews available only to female dominants. But, had you told me your sexuality before the interviews we could have eradicated this problem before it started. I need you to be completely honest with me darling, I can’t help you if there isn’t open communication between us.” Wanda took in y/n’s folded arms and noticed the way that she had buried herself into the couch in embarrassment, before sighing and drawing y/n’s attention back to her.

“There are plenty of queer women in this community, myself included.” At those words, y/n’s head snapped up and she looked directly at Wanda, shock written all over her face. Wanda simply smiled and brought her phone out before navigating to the spreadsheet with all the interviews. In a few short clicks, she had removed all of the male interviewees from the list and showed her screen to y/n. 

Y/n was still staring in shock as her eyes glanced from the screen to Wanda, who’s smile had turned into a smirk as she watched her.

‘Oh my god she’s gay’

Y/n realized her mouth was still slightly open and snapped it closed again, regaining her composure. She sat up and uncrossed her arms, before running a hand through her hair and looking into Wanda’s eyes. 

“I’m sorry for snapping, and for not being honest about not liking men.” She waited until Wanda looked satisfied before continuing. “I honestly thought that you already knew, since you’re so good at reading people.”

Wanda nodded her head. “I did have my assumptions about your sexuality, but those were assumptions. I included both men and women in these interviews because we hadn’t discussed which one you would prefer. I was waiting for you to tell me your preference.” With that, she glanced again at the spreadsheet before looking back up at y/n. 

“The next interview isn’t for another 45 minutes, I suggest you go through the pile of all the interviewees and recycle all the ones that include men.” Then, Wanda’s smirk came back in full force and her eyes sparkled as they bore into y/n’s. “Let’s see which dominatrix can get you the most flustered before the end of the day.”

Y/n’s eyes widened, and she started sorting through the papers in her lap as Wanda sat back, smirking at her from the other couch and returning her attention back to her phone.

Y/n already knew the answer to Wanda’s question, and it was pounding over and over again like an anthem in her head.

‘You.’

Next Chapter

[catdotjpeg]

As Palestinians are slaughtered by the thousands in Gaza and violently attacked during night prayers in the al-Aqsa Mosque by Israel, the West Bank endures massacres that at times go unnoticed during this holy month. I have spent my Ramadan in conversation with a friend from Jenin.  Much has changed since I visited Aseel (not her real name) in August 2023. There are things I saw in Jenin that no longer exist. One of them is my friend’s smile and her spark.

Usually, they say Jenin is a small Gaza. During Ramadan, because the attacks generally happen at night, people are an easy target because they are on the streets late at night. In the past, it was rare for the IOF to enter during the day. Now, they attack during the day; their special forces enter, and after people discover them, their soldiers come within minutes.  Every 2-3 days, there is a new attack in Jenin. In our minds, there is a constant ringing that the IOF may come. We don’t know at what time we will be targeted or when they will enter. There is no stability in our lives. Even when we plan for something, we hedge it with our inshallahs and laugh. There are a lot of ifs. If they don’t enter the camp. If there are no martyrs. If there is no strike. On the second day of Ramadan, they attacked my neighborhood again. We thought it was a bombing because it started with an explosion, but the house was shaking. We were praying fajr, and everyone was screaming outside. The sound of the drone was in our ears. “No, these are missiles,” we realized. There was panic in the streets. Women fainted. People had been walking back from praying at the mosque, and some were still in the street. Alhamdulillah, no one was hurt, we say. The balcony to the room at my uncle’s house where we slept had fallen. It no longer had any glass, and a bullet entered my uncle’s bedroom and reached the kitchen. The drone hit the trees in front of our house. The missiles destroyed the ceiling, and the rockets reached my neighbor’s house on the first floor, exactly in front of our house. Since October 7, Jenin has become a target. There is a clear escalation in the camp and the city. The IOF has used many different weapons to kill us here. They have even been aggressive toward the infrastructure, as though every inch of our city was resisting them. They destroyed much of the camp, and there is no entrance now. The arch is gone, and there is no sign reminding us that Jenin refugee camp is a temporary place. There is no horse. Only the street is left. You have the photographs. You were lucky. They changed the shape of the camp, and everything has been destroyed. --Aseel

The first time Aseel and I met in person was in Nablus at the Martyrs Roundabout. As we caught up, we ate a delicious concoction of ice cream, milk, nuts, and fresh fruit that was a perfect balm to the heat. She took me to some of her favorite places nestled within the old city of Nablus. A 150-year-old barber’s shop that felt like you had entered an antique store where plants reached the ceiling and where the barber was a massive fan of Angelina Jolie. A centuries-old house now called Tree House Cafe looked like a hobbit home from Lord of the Rings, where we hid away as she sipped her coffee and I drank a mint lemonade. We visited one of the oldest soap factories in the world with ingredients such as goat’s milk and olive oil, jasmine and pomegranates, even dates and Dead Sea mud. We happened to chance upon a Sufi zawiya as we walked through a beautiful archway decorated with lanterns, light bulbs, and an assortment of potted plants, after which we saw a cobalt blue door on our left and an azul blue door with symmetrical red designs, and Quranic ayat like incantations on our right as doors upon doors greeted us.

The air was welcoming yet mingled with the memory of martyrs whose memorials took over the landscape, sometimes in the form of larger-than-life portraits surrounded by complex four-leafed magenta-white flowers; posters above a water spout next to a heart-shaped leaf; a melted motorcycle that, too, was targeted in the neighborhood that hosted the Lions’ Den. We stopped to pray at a masjid, quiet and carpeted. After a bus ride from Nablus to Jenin, on our walk before entering Jenin camp, Aseel showed me the hospital right outside the camp. She pointed out the barricades created to keep the occupation forces from entering specific streets. This is the same hospital that the occupation forces blocked during the July 2023 attack, which now seems like a lifetime ago.  What caught my eyes again and again were the two Keys of Return on top of the entrance of Jenin Camp that symbolized so much for Palestinians. “This is a temporary station,” Aseel read out loud to me. “That’s what it says. We are supposed to return to our homes.”

“Netanyahu said he is planning another big attack, so the resistance fighters are preparing because it can happen any day,” she had told me that evening as we shared Jenin-style knafeh, baked to perfection. Then she stopped, looked at the sky, and said humorously, “Ya Allah, hopefully not today!” And we both laughed because of its potential reality.  Dinner on the terrace at her uncle’s home was a delicious spread of hummus, laban, fries, cucumbers pickled by her aunt, and arayes — fried bread stuffed with meat. Then we moved the furniture to sleep on mattresses in a room that extended to the rooftop terrace with a breeze, overlooking Jenin Camp and the rest of Jenin City. We could hear gunshots in the distance. The drones were commonplace, and the heat did not relent. Temperatures soared, and the electricity was out when we woke up at 5 a.m. I heard her pray, and later, as we sipped on coffee and had wafters in the early morning at her home, my eyes went to a piece of tatreez, or embroidery, of a bird in flight framed on the wall. Her eyes followed mine and when I said I loved it. “It used to be my grandfather’s,” she told me. “Of course it’s beautiful — the bird is free.”  Unexpectedly, Aseel’s mother gifted me a Sprite bottle full of olive oil beholding the sweet hues of its intact health, which I would later ship secretly from Bethlehem all the way to Boston. And then Aseel came to me with a gift, too: a necklace that spoke succinctly about the right to return and live on this earth. Mahmoud Darwish’s poetry was held together with intricate calligraphy carved in the shape of Palestine’s landscape, and I was completely overwhelmed.  “You are in Palestine, my dear,” she had smiled. “And you are now my family. This is your country, this is your second home, really.” When I ask her about what brings her hope these days, Aseel tells me about her eight-year-old nephew.

He wanted to eat two meals. I told him that in Gaza they don’t have food. He was complaining about the food, and I told him, they don’t have water. And he heard me because he said, “today, we will only have one meal.”  I’m amazed at how mature he is. He even said, “We won’t make a special cake on Eid because of the Gazans.” For me, this is a lesson to be learned. He is only eight years old, but he knows.  We have lost a lot of people in Gaza, but here in the West Bank, we are succeeding because our new generation knows a lot. Ben Gurion would not be happy. He said of Palestinians, “the old will die and the young will forget.” No, the young ask even more questions. The new generation brings us hope. Hope is the new generation.

-- "Ramadan reflections from ‘little Gaza’" by Zehra Imam for Mondoweiss, 6 Apr 2024