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pinkcaraz · 2 months ago

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ok short summary of things taylor talked about during his just chatting portion of the stream (11/27/24). i definitely missed some stuff bc his stream was super quiet and i was doing other stuff but yea i summarized most of the points. also i left out a few parts about details on league since i didn't rly think anyone would care that much about it LOL.

taylor got home 5 days ago, had training today, will probs start hitting tmr, said he should have maybe taken more days off

he saw the novandy news, said it'll be super nice to have andy back and that he was def not expecting it

he hasn't finished arcane yet, he's waiting for morgan to watch it together

he bought a custom (?) cloud pendant (i think from an anime i'm not sure) for a chain

talking about watching faker at worlds and how insane it is bc he could see his screen and see that he was tabbing around watching all the different perspectives

wants caedrel to coach him LOL told chat to spam him to coach him in league

scuffed stream 😭 he's fumbling w his mic and facecam

he said hes former top 100 NA fifa player, said team italy should have invited them so he could smoke them at fifa LMAO

got asked why does he take off left shoe during breaks? theres a spot that hurts when he slides around so taking his shoe off to let it chill helps relieve the pain

jealous of jannik and iga for being able to slide into backhands (he was more specific about the type of shot but i missed it)

bragging about his win rate in league (again)

talking about frances' serve time violations in shanghai thought the first 2 calls of time violation were bs, but def thought the one where he faked the ball toss was valid

said he'd answer controversial tennis questions LOL

got asked why sour cream and guac? bc he doesn't like spicy that much

london airbnb incident - they booked the airbnb the day before they got there, he thought the people trying to rob the airbnb probs thought they weren't there, morgan noticed sketchy people walking up to the door in the middle of the night, he tried to bolt the door but there wasn't a bolt so he held it shut w his body, he had his racket w him and said he would have hit the intruders w a slice forehand if they got in LMAO

thoughts on racket smashing - thinks it's entertaining, ok if not putting others in danger/at risk, thinks it's entertaining for people/fans to see, somewhat humanizing effect on the player, not healthy to keep anger in, don't do it on grass tho bc it ruins the court

talking about his match v daniil - thought that one game was funny but didn't think he was intentionally throwing the match

tommy and frances playing mind games by overcomplimenting their opponent (thinking about the laver cup fed '05 moment)

hits ohbhs in practice sometimes bc he thinks his "one-y" is unbelievable, rule is he's allowed to hit it until he hits a bad one then goes back to normal

any profits he gets from the stream will go to charity ! he's interested in donating to things that help kids

players don't pay for hotels while they're in tournaments but pay for everything else

thinks michael (his coach) should def win best coach, sportsmanship award will probs go to carlos or casper

thinks most improved award should consider older players more like draper, popyrin, musetti, himself, also jasmine paolini, etc. bc it's more impressive when older players improve compared to younger guys who have more time - for ex, gmp improved a lot this yr in ranking bc he was alrdy good and finally got time to actually play to raise his ranking

preference on armstrong vs ashe - more of a preference about which times to play, armstrong has better times for him

can go through like 5 pairs of shoes during a hard court major bc of all the sliding around

said he heard a lot of positive feedback about the wta finals from the players - players were taken care of well, knows that the previous wta finals tournaments have been rough

was gonna go to usc for college if he went to college, he verbally committed to usc, but didn't really plan on going to college

taylor bought and had flowers sent to morgan in LA

said watching worlds was super sick and he thought the opening ceremony was amazing, gumayushi's pose went hard

he doesn't save vods bc he doesn't want people to clip stuff and pull stuff he said, said he feels it allows him to be more authentic on stream

slkjhfajkf he talked about the liking a homophobic tweet on accident and said he freaked out bc he was having a chill no phone day and when he went to check socmed he was like "omg i'm canceled" IM DEAD

favorite league character to play rn is viego, he wins a lot of games on him

thinks the tennis calendar should def be shorter

#taylor fritz #sorry for posting so late it took me a while to organize the notes and make them readable 😅#also i was out w friends so yea #this is bringing back my peak watching streams era

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marloree · 7 months ago

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Hiii!!! I have a hyuka x fem reader fic or oneshot idea thats been in my head for weeks😭

Hyuka and y/n dated for 5 yrs and broke up about 2 years ago because her mental health was going really bad and she became too dependant on him and he wanted y/n to heal independently so he broke up with her even though he was still deeply in love but stayed as friends because they didnt wanna break their 19 years of friendship….. but who knows if any of them have moved on during those years…

pls <33 and thank uuu

៳ₑₐ𝑛𝑡 𝑡ₒ 𝑏ₑ 𝑡ₒ𝑔ₑ𝑡ⲏₑᵣ

Pairing: Huening Kai × Reader

Genre: angst to fluff, romance, lovers to friends to lovers

Word count: 2.6 k

A/N: this took me quite a while to finish, but thank you for requesting and being patient with me, nonnie! I had so much fun writing this, please feel free to request more in the future!!

Taglist: @babymochibeargyu

“We should break up”, those were the words you uttered exactly 2 years ago. Now, as you were tossing around restlessly in bed, all the memories took over you, again.

It was, or, rather, could have been your 7 year anniversary with Kai, that is if you didn't break up.

“I respect and agree with your decision, we really should break up, at least for now, Y/N”, the scene was getting replayed in your head for the Nth time, reminding you of a broken record.

You still remembered the hug Kai gave you before taking his leave, the pained look on his face. You remembered everything as if it happened only yesterday, but, sadly, that wasn’t the case.

You stayed friends and you shouldn’t have a thing to grieve about, right? Perhaps you were just being a bit ungrateful, but, no matter how much you appreciated Kai’s presence as your friend, you still wanted things back like they were 2 years ago.

Well, not every thing, you definitely wouldn’t want to get back into the mental state you were in back at the time.

Getting only deeper into the mess day by day, you clung onto Kai as the last straw that could bring you back to normal life. That wasn’t the right thing to do, for neither of you. You couldn’t put all the weight of your worries and struggles onto Kai’s shoulders. No matter how badly he wanted to help you, he would never get you out of your state on his own - he simply wouldn’t handle it. And you knew it. Even Kai couldn’t deny that you were right in a way: concentrating all your will to live on him only wasn't the right decision.

But, you knew Kai would never leave you alone in such a state and you were grateful for that. You decided to stay as friends, that was the best decision for both of you: while not letting you grow completely dependent on him, Kai still helped you as much as he could. With his assistance and immeasurable care, you slowly, but surely, made it: you got back to your best. You felt the life rushing through your veins, the energy taking over you again, you no longer were the poor mess that had to depend on your boyfriend for little things. Kai was so happy to see you get better. Sometimes, it felt like he was even happier for you than you yourself were.

Now, having finally gotten back into exploring new things, finally having found a job that could bring you joy, with new people surrounding you, your life felt full, complete, almost perfect.

Kai, through these years, had always remained by your side, cheering and rooting for you. But, you couldn’t deny that you missed him as your partner. You always viewed Kai as a great friend, a great person, a great boyfriend. He was truly the right person for you. But, could you say the same about yourself? Were you the true right one for him?

That definitely wasn’t the case 2 years ago. Naturally, everyone has their ups and downs, everyone struggles, but, you felt like you were dragging both of you down in your past relationship. And you never thought it was right.

Kai definitely loved and cared for you, even now. It was as clear as day. But, could you really bring happiness and joy into his life? Even now, having returned your strength, you doubted that.

“What if I go down again? What if history repeats itself?”

Such thoughts never let you go, making you unsure on what would be the right decision in the current situation.

On one hand, since you both seemed to hold mutual feelings, why not get together? But, on the other hand, what if your feelings were wrong, what if you never were meant for each other? What if you only fed up your illusions, what if the only right way was to part your ways completely? It was obvious you couldn't stay as friends only, but would getting back together make the right step?

There were too many “what if’s”...

But, then it hit you: neither of you ever tried dating someone else during these 2 years. Even if you were never meant to be together, would the separation make any of you happier? It probably would hurt both of you just as much.

But then, why fight your feelings? If burning all the possible bridges the two of you built during these years wouldn’t make the right decision, why not listen to your heart and try getting back together?

You couldn’t foretell your fate, but you were sure you’d make it your destiny to be by each other’s side.

It's not like your relationship started out of the blue. The feelings slowly built up during the long years of your friendship. You would never bring yourself to tear apart the bonds that tied you for so long.

Was it even possible, to begin with? Even if you'd part your ways physically, you were sure you'd never get one another out of your hearts and minds.

Sticking to each other through all the hardships seemed to be the only solution for you. You always would struggle and go through something, but that's the way life is. You knew that in the end you'd make it, you two would make it through.

On that note your gaze wandered to the clock. It was almost 4 am…

Calling Kai right now definitely wouldn't be the right thing to do. “I should let him rest properly and call him in the morning”, you thought.

The thoughts of your possible reunion brought some peace to your restless mind - you finally fell asleep at dawn.

Having woken up when the afternoon was behind, you were glad you had a day off.

Checking your phone, you saw a “good morning” text from Kai. He was so considerate, even though you weren’t currently in a relationship… Oh, the message was sent a good few hours ago. He probably was worrying right now about what took you so long to reply.

“Morning, or, rather, afternoon, Kai! Do you have some spare time to meet up today? It’s nothing of urgency, but I’d really want to discuss something with you if you have time, of course.” you clicked “send”, finally getting out of bed to prepare for the day.

Despite being busy with work, Kai replied relatively quickly. “Of course I can spare some time for you, Y/N! How does 7 pm at the nearby café sound?”

“We don’t have to make it so officially, Kai, you could just come to my place, I don’t mind.” You quickly texted back, not wanting him to go out of the way just to meet with you.

“Ah, if you’re okay with it, then sure! I’ll come once I’m done with work.”

You hearted the message before going to clean up your apartment. You had plenty of time to run all your errands before the evening comes and Kai's day at work ends.

While occupying yourself with work all day, you hadn’t noticed how fast time flew. Once 7 o’clock struck, your entire flat was cleaned from top to bottom, a nice dinner prepared to satisfy the hunger of the two of you and create a more cozy vibe. You were going to have a serious talk, so trying to bring up a warm atmosphere definitely wouldn't hurt.

You knew Kai would come within the next half an hour. While waiting, you sat by the window, looking at the sky that was slowly turning pink and orange as the sun set down.

The view was unspeakably beautiful and soothing. The colors, in a way, seemed to represent Kai’s cheerful personality. The color orange radiated just as much warmth and joy as Kai did, meanwhile the color pink reminded you of his tender and sweet personality.

As you were looking outside, you suddenly noticed a familiar figure walking to your house. The sun rays playing on Kai’s figure only added to the feeling of warmth and comfort that he always brought with his presence.

Once Kai got closer, he looked up at your windows, noticing you. You waved, a warm smile tugging your lips: you were always so happy to see him. Kai’s presence alone could make your day ten times better. Even when you were going through something, a text or a word from him already calmed your mind.

Kai waved back, the usual broad cheerful smile that was so dear to you appearing on his face right away.

You quickly got up to open the door. The nervousness that was getting to you because of the anticipated talk faded by the calmness and understanding that seemed to radiate off Kai.

He always was so considerate and caring, he definitely would understand you and would never do anything to hurt you in any possible way or form. You trusted him so, so much, like you’ve never trusted anyone before. Kai never doubted you or disregarded your or anyone’s feelings. He always seemed to understand everyone and everything. In all honesty, you wanted to be just as comforting and understanding as Kai was to everyone.

“Hii, Kai!” you greeted, the smile never leaving your face.

“Evening!”, he stepped into your apartment, pulling you in a quick yet gentle hug that both of you got so used to.

“I’m so glad you came, I wanted to discuss something that has been on my mind for a while now…But, come on in first, I got us some food.” you invited him straight to the kitchen.

“Ahh, that’s so sweet of you, Y/N, but there really was no need…”

You didn’t let him finish, interrupting in the middle of the sentence. “But, Kai, there was a need, I know you're starving after work and our meetup didn’t let you get dinner first.”

“Well, you’re right about that”, Kai didn’t push it, happy himself to share a meal with you: it’s been so long since you last did.

After washing your hands, you two sat down at the table. Your kitchen was just perfectly placed: all the rays of the setting sun got in at the right angle, lighting up the room and creating just the needed atmosphere.

You ate in silence for a while, letting Kai relax a little after work while you gathered your thoughts together.

“How’s work?” You asked after a few minutes, starting with a small chat.

“Ah, everything’s going quite alright; we’re doing better this month, actually. What about yours?”

“Oh, that’s great! I'm doing fine with mine, too.” You shifted in your seat, unsure on how to turn the conversation to the wanted topic, but decided to simply state things as they are. If only it would be just as easy to do as to say...

“Um, Kai, the thing I wanted to talk about…it's actually about us.” You glanced up, looking for all the possible reactions. When you did, Kai was already looking at you. Seems like he expected the topic to be brought up at some point.

However, his gaze wasn’t judging or hostile; on the contrary, it was encouraging, with a hint of relief that the topic was finally brought up, almost pleading for you to continue.

You took a deep breath in, once again looking up at Kai for the support you so needed at the moment.

“Yes, Y/N, I’m listening”, he smiled slightly, although it was obvious that he himself was rather nervous, afraid of what you were going to say next.

In the end, there were only two ways for you: to either stay together, but only as a couple, or part your ways completely. Which one would you choose, the thought alone made his worries escalate.

After a few moments of deafening silence, you finally began your speech. You had so many unspoken thoughts and feelings to share, you felt like you'd never stop talking.

But, you had to share every single thought that came to your mind, you had to be truthful and honest as much as you could - after all, the outcome solely depended on your honesty with Kai and yourself, to begin with, and your ability to express yourself and your emotions.

Before you began, you felt like you were suffocating in the endless kaleidoscope of your thoughts, but as you kept on speaking, it felt like a massive weight was being taken off your chest. Even if things don’t end up working out the way you want them to, it still is going to be so much easier for you once you take it all off your mind.

You went on and on, telling and explaining every single thing and thought that occurred to you during your relationship and further friendship with Kai. 7 years, in total…you had so much to tell.

You tried hiding as little as possible, telling everything you felt: the guilt of not being good enough for him, ruining your relationship, you shared all the negative thoughts that took over your mind for the past months, but you also shared just as much about your feelings for him, how much you loved and cared for him, how much you wanted him to be happy at the first place, how much you feared to ruin his life with yours, but also just how you couldn’t imagine your life without his…

You talked and talked, feeling your thoughts getting messy again. “Kai, I don’t know…I love you so, so much, but I don’t want my feelings to harm you in any way”, you finished your speech so abruptly, almost wanting to cry: the situation seemed just unsolvable to you now as it did last night.

Kai didn’t respond right away, taking his time to gather his thoughts as well. However, his hand found yours, giving it a tight reassuring squeeze.

“Y/N, you never hurt or harmed me in any way possible. I can’t live without you just as much as you can't live without me. I understand that your doubts come from the worry you feel for me, I appreciate it that you care so much, I really do. But please, Y/N, do not put yourself down, do not disregard your own feelings. The only thing I can say right now that I’m absolutely sure about is: I’ll never be happy living without you by my side.”

You listened quietly, slowly processing his words.

“The only way you can hurt me is by hurting yourself”, Kai continued, “I’d never want either of us living unhappily.” The words got followed by another squeeze of your hand, this time a much gentler one.

“So, at this moment, I’d like to ask you…Y/N, would you want to consider being my girlfriend? I know this is now the first time for us, but please be sure that my feelings are no weaker; they’re even stronger now than they were 7 years ago when we first started dating, I’m saying this being as honest as I can only be.” Kai confessed, his gaze being so soft and gentle.

“I-”, you breath hitched in your throat, your heart almost bursting out of your chest. “I want to be your girlfriend, Kai, even need to be yours, I’d say”, you muttered the last part shyly, yet loud enough for him to make out what you said.

“And I need to be yours, Y/N”, he whispered, intertwining your hands.

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enderwolf91 · 21 days ago

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I've been vibing with the start of the new year tbh I kinda forgot to post lol

I guess a small update of the last few days, I've been playing Evade on Roblox again and it's been such a vibe blasting 2010s pop songs while dodging memes and pulling off crazy stunts to revive people (lot of the time I either die or end up not rezing them at all oops)

I've gotten to lvl 60 and there's a Christmas event going on where you collect Xmas cookies to buy cosmetics and emotes and I've almost got everything but the last 5 items are a total of 2500 cookies but I'm determined to grind it out

I've been getting better with PC overwatch but since I finished the battle pass a while ago I've been having fun just playing vs ai and custom games, legit the most fun I've had playing overwatch since I started playing almost 2 yrs ago lowkey, vs ai is so chill and I'm learning how to play Lucio again which has made me incredibly happy

Also I've got more thoughts abt sleepy fun times with Lucio because on new years I've found that alcohol makes me eepy (︶｡︶)zzZ I've been thinking abt Lucio a lot recently since I've been playing him more (dont worry I've still got it bad for Venture, I'm gonna learn how to play them once I've got Lucio down)

Anyways happy new year everyone! I wish you all a happy and wonderful 2025 ♡

#enderrambles #ender🌙#overwatch #overwatch 2 #roblox #roblox evade #lucio overwatch #venture overwatch

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zeltqz · 2 years ago

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I felt this needed to be sent as an ask. I know it's one of the hardest things to do (writing when your motivation is weighing) but you have to try your best NOT to listen to them (those who keep asking for updates with no consideration of what it's like for the author). Pressure ain't doing nothing but motivating negativity. I know the guilt, I've been there. At the end of the day I gave what I could and the fic ended up being discontinued a month ago. I permanently quit writing because I felt it was so overwhelming and stressful despite being something I absolutely love doing, I just couldn't take knowing people waited for my updates, I was disappointing them and that disappointed me. Talk about depression. Writers depression is very real. So eventually I unpublished my wattpad fics, deleted all my Tumblr fics, and stayed a silent reader, I wrote short poems or small works here and there for my private instagram, just whenever I felt like it. I honestly thought it was permanent. Until a friend of mine started writing which sparked my interest in it again. So I restarted my blog a couple days ago. Gave thought to what it was I wanna write and how I want this blog to be different. Atm I'm barely writing, I started 3 fics last week yet they remain in my drafts untouched with no further progress. But I can honestly say the nonchalance and freedom I have is quite nice, I try to write here and again. Or even if a single sentence or dialogue comes to mind I note it down, that gave life to another sentence and another and another until I put it together and it formed about a decent paragraph.. I'M RAMBLING. I lost track of what I was supposed to say. I don't even know the main point of this story. Forgive me. But seriously, the best advice I can give is to unburden yourself before you drown. Literally. Write what you want when you can, your wips, don't delete them!! I promise you some time later you'll definitely be inspired for them again. And when u do you'll be able to literally write more for it!! I have an idea from 2 yrs ago and it's pretty decent, with some editing it could be even better. So please don't delete them 😭😭 and don't let people push you to update. You can if you can and You can't if you can't!!! I'm here if you need any help 🙏🏻 I noticed that talking about your writing with someone who reciprocates your energy can ignite a full on passionate conversation that will lead to creating quality work!! Like new ideas or even roots to go for old works.. It's a good way to keep the motivation flowing when you're running thin 🤍🤍🤍

this is honestly the sweetest piece of advice soeone ever gave me. its so detailed and relatable too because i used to be a wattpad writer back in 2021 and then ppl kept on asking for update update update and it was so stressful so I just logged out of the account and to this day i havent logged back in 😭😭

as someone who used to be a silent reader i understand the frustration of needing an update. dont get me wrong i understand. i used to feel that exact way because fics were my only source of happiness at one point in my life when everything was shitty. but now im actually writing them, i know why some writers dont want to update so fast because its so much pressure when theres 5-6 ppl in ur inbox asking for update update update

ik how hard it is to finish a story but also how desperate it can get for the readers waiting for said update. which is the reason im constantly trying to keep writing but now i feel like i just cant. im such a perfectionist i dont post anything i dont feel is my best but rn i feel like none of my works are and its making me slack a lot and i feel like if i dont stop feeling this way then i might stop writing as a whole because its making me frustrated

writing genuinely makes me happy bc i feel like its an escape from reality (which i desperately need bc i hate my life) but i cant write good enough which is making me annoyed because i need that reality escape sooooo bad

and the reason i asked yesterday which fics of mine were peoples favourites, most of them were the series that i had deleted from my page because i reread them and hated it so bad. now im rewriting it but with this lack of motivation its one of the hardest things ive had to do in a while

and i barely talk to ppl about my fics because idk i barely recieve comments about them except for PT 2 PLS. like as much as i would LOVE to write part 2 3 4 5 6 7 etc its not motivating enough since i dont have anyone motivating me to write.

ugh this is a lot i dont except anyone to read this but THANKS FOR THE ASK <3

#why do i love to add unnecessary problems to my life #then dedicate myself to solve them #then get sad when i fail #but im too deep in to just give up #i dont wanna deactivate either that solves nothing and itd make me sad #UGH

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criphd · 1 year ago

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i wrote a little thing but i think i want to reflect more deeply about it so i deleted that post.... i submitted this big piece of work i was working on a few days ago now & it was a lot.... the whole first year of my phd has been so much & not at all how i imagined it would be & ive been desperately miserable for a long time whilst doing it but ! i think things are somewhat changing hopefully.

as part of the piece of work i just finished i had to fill in some inane forms about my progress and stuff and in doing that i did come to realise the things i had~ acheived (something i continuously struggle to focus on / celebrate, especially this yr!) which was good bc ive spent such a large proportion of time feeling overwhelmed, extremely behind & frustrated with myself about lack of progress / + being chronically ill forever [i.e.... chronically...... duh anna marie]

anyway, i was a little humbled when i wrote out some of the things ive done this yr for the form so here's a little overview of the main things i did in the past year:

moved to a totally new city!

read everything in the ethel williams archive

sorted all this annoying beurocracy about disability support stuff & my dsa stuff

got [re]diagnosed with dyslexia

learnt a bit about marxist literary criticism

got to grips [to some degree !] with periodical studies as a field, something totally new to me before i started this phd

applied [very intensely!!] for some funding & got totally crushed by rejection [lol]

went from a full time student to part time which was a hard but good decision to have made

audited a history module on reproductive rights history in britain and ireland

went to the british library for two (2!) research trips (which were both like.... soooooo useful !! & the second one i was very efficent with which was great if exhausting)

made a spreadsheet that is boring but extremely helpful of the columns i've read

read about half of the first longer term/consistent women's columns in forward & i think maybe two difficult but useful novels

had around 11 supervisions with my two supervisors

did not kill myself [always something to celebrate!!] lol

& finally did my apr!! [basically reviewing my progress] which included writing 5000 fairly excruciating words to submit and probably another 5000+ of words that were disposed of/ might be used for other things .... altho probably not lol lbr

ok thanks :)

#personal #criphd #overwhelmed #i did also make some index cards that look soooo good lol #posi #summary

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theninjazebra · 1 year ago

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As someone who has watched too much tv for a long time i thought i should share with the group.

TV recs for the upcoming drought:

Some of these are harder to find, the tone and quality vary wildly, they're in no specific order. I tried for not too obscure, but not too obvious. Some are still airing, some are 20 yrs old. I swear I have a life.

Slings and Arrows. Early 2000s Canadian dramedy about theatre and shakespear. Fun without being shallow, aged ok, lovely performances, great writing. nuclear grade comfort watching.

Halt and Catch Fire. 2014 - 2017, US drama. Follows four characters through the 80s tech industry. First time I got the hype around Lee Pace. S1 is ok, but nothing special, s2 is a lot more interesting but kinda goes round in a circle. S3 and 4 and some of the best tv I've ever seen.

Somebody Somewhere. This is actually a new show, but has 2 seasons out if u want a gentle but never shallow comedy. Fills my sad gay heart with joy. And if want more new tv with middle aged gays Deadloch is streaming on amazon atm.

The Expanse. Finished recently. The sci fi I've always wanted. Big and scary and wonderful and pew pew pew space battles and adventure. Balances the grim with a surprising amount of hope? Has repeated themes of redemption. Also a whole book series should u need more.

This Is England. UK drama. A film and 3 mini series set from 1983 through to 1990. Grim, sad af, also funnyand sweet? And characters that I love. The start of my undying love for Vicky McClure. Big ol CW for violence, sexual violence, and era specific racism (esp the first film). Very good, but very hard tv.

Kingdom. 2014. Can be a pain to find because so many shows are called Kingdom. About MMA fighters having drama. Also families, mental health, addiction, etc. Excellent performances. Both a very dumb and very sweet, painful show.

Animal Kingdom. Legit only watched it because I was searched Kingdom posts and AK was out around the same time. Awful family having drama and heists. Adaptation of an Aussie film into a southern California TV show. Kind of a mess? but very compelling mess.

Obligatory Succession (Kardashians for annoying people, aka me. I am the annoying person. this is my perfect tv show), The Bear, (hospo stress and family grief show) and Severance (people talk about workplace horror, but tbh it also gives big mega church horror vibes too)- new shows that live up to the hype, esp if you like sad people. I don't think they really need recs, but i really liked them.

The Thick of It. 2000s UK political comedy? Tragedy? Though these days it looking fuckin utopian compared to UK politics now. Feels a bit like a partial villain origin story for Succession. I like how sad and broken hearted it is.

Outrageous Fortune. 2000s nz dramedy that is the source of my love of family crime drama. Aged badly in places, but still very good character drama. Also, for The Boys fans, Antony Starr at his absolute best. It's a big nostalgia fest for me now. Cheryl West is a forever fav.

Justified. 2010 - 2016ish. i'm lazy i'm not looking stuff up. Yes a cop show, yes a dad show, but also rock solid tv writing and timothy olyphant in a hat. I've watched it so many times, and every time it rewards. and yes, am watching Justified City Primeval atm.

White Collar. A dumb, total fantasy art crimes and capers show. Shit, but if you need to not think and also have Matt Bomer do a shirtless painting montage for vague plot reasons then oh boy there is no other.

Being Human UK. A ghost, a vampire and a werewolf share a flat. it's sweet and agonising and 10+ years later I still love these characters so much.

Legion. 2017 - 2019. Why make tv comic adaptations that are trying for realistic and boring? When they could all be like this? Why make anything that isn't as visually interesting as this?

Doom Patrol - same for doom patrol - superhero tv that cut out the boring bits and just went for the weird and painful. I read a couple of random doom patrols years ago and was so surprised and delighted and loved them. the tv show has the same effect.

The Boys. new, and still going, as far as I know. but two kiwi leads means under nz law i have to be a fan? also it's awful, pulpy vicious popcorn viewing. appeals to the shithead 12 yr old in me. yes, it's vicious anti corporate thing is deeply ironic for an amazon show, but considering amazon saved the expanse with no sense of irony at all I figure take all their money and keep yelling.

Preacher. Another comics adaption. The Boy's weirder, less obscene, more disturbing cousin. Tulip is another forever fav tv character.

Banshee. Continuing the tradition of heth and i starting dumb Dude TV and then getting overly attached. kinda pulpy trash, but if you can stomach the violence it's surprisingly good.

All Star Treks. I love them so much. They're so weird, and uneven, and dumb, and they're all the best and I love them.

One season wonders -

Trust. about the John Paul Getty III kidnapping. also about italian countryside.

State of Play. UK. the tv show, not the film.

I dunno. I could do a whole separate post for sit coms and brit coms and the weirder, more obscure shows and movies, but ffs this is so long.

#tv recs #see my justification is that i can draw while watching #this is my list so i doubt everything on it would appeal to anyone else #but some of it might #i fuckin love me some dramedy #i have a lot of thoughts and feelings about tv #as a medium and it's role in my weird life

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lianailia · 2 years ago

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I always forget to update this blog. Heh it's become what I wanted my bullet journal to be. I started one a couple of yrs ago, but just fell out of doing it. (Plus my handwriting is terrible. Haha!) But not much has changed since the last update. I turned 38, May 9th, and it was a good birthday. Wrote a lot on my fics and had my bro over for dinner and the Wall. Then that week had 2 Slayers watch parties, which makes me really happy. Hope to do it again this week. I love hosting them. Been writing a lot. Which also makes me happy. I made a new OC, not in the Slayers world though. So I'll be having fun developing her backstory. I started artwork with her but just got caught up with other things. It takes me sooo long to finish a digital pic. I think I have to let my perfectionist brain go a little with it, and forgive myself if I don't get it right away. But it's frustrating sometimes when things don't work out. Like this one Gourrina which I was excited for. Had to completely scrap. But I'm not going to quit! Art and writing are my happy places. In other news my cat, Yuki had a little worrisome spell. She got sick last Sun and thankfully I could call her vet, who is my cousin. She said I could bring her in and she got fluids and anti-nausea medicine. That helped and then I didn't have to bring her in for her checkup. And I didn't have to spend a ton on surgery or hospital bills. Which I am very grateful for. Will be a sad day if she ever leaves. Heh But that's really what's been happening. Hopefully will get more pet sitting jobs in the summer. Well, have a good week!

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nat-thinks · 11 days ago

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2024 Tumblr Top 10

so I just came across this, used the data from my primary blog which has been shadowbanned

1. 11 notes - Sep 23 2024

I wonder what I did wrong.

2. 9 notes - Oct 13 2024

dear god, why was I cursed by this intense attraction towards nerds. I can't help it.

3. 8 notes - Sep 12 2024

no appetite, just going to have a cup of tea

4. 7 notes - Oct 18 2024

omg I just checked my spotify and realized I made a playlist a week ago when tipsy and completely forgot about it omg lmao man

5. 7 notes - Sep 22 2024

so my ex lover just reached out again, it's been a week since we broke up. my chest kinda hurts. I'm not giving him another...

6. 7 notes - Sep 21 2024

had the loveliest day today, literary festivals are so fun. met so many old friends and made new ones. I'd joked with a friend...

7. 7 notes - Sep 16 2024

woah, adjusting will be hard, it'd been 1½ yrs together. speaking daily. man. for the best though.

8. 7 notes - Sep 15 2024

once more, I'm thinking of ending things.

9. 6 notes - Sep 16 2024

there's something I've been wanting to analyse for a while now about melancholia & sex. will come finish this thought.

10. 6 notes - Sep 13 2024

I'm thinking of ending things

Created by TumblrTop10

#tumblrtop10

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haleighsplacestudios · 2 months ago

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Ahh yes, hello again.🙂👋🏻 Man i say that alot.🤔🤨 Oh well!🤷🏻‍♀️ Anyway so ive got another sticker thing 2 day.😊 This is 1 of my OC's actually, i 💚ed him so much i made him in2 a sticker & put him in my shop.😊💚👌🏻 His name Java, & he's a lil Marimo moss ball. He does have a cute lil back story of course. He lives in lil 🫙, & his fave thing ever is his stick. He has a human, She's a college student livin in an apartment in New York City & she keeps him in his fave spot in the 🪟 sill, & his fave food is algae.😊 Thats pretty much it 4 this lik guy. I thought it mite b nice 2 throw in there the finished piece i drew of him a couple yrs ago. So i hope u enjoy, 😊 & ill c ya l8er ☺️👋🏻✌🏻

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iloveyoukyra · 10 months ago

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4/21/24 7:05pm

We been in no contact for 3 days. Im oddly not freaking out about it anymore.

I originally broke contact a while ago and we planned to meet. We did and you told me how good I was doing in comparison to you. I had no idea what to say. I can’t be honest with you anymore so it hurt me to have to bite my tongue around someone I instinctively trust, but my head knows that’s not true anymore. I need to keep acting with my head not my heart.

You said something about you not reaching out again. You gave me a reason that I don’t remember but it just sounded like a dull excuse. I didn’t fight it. I knew that I’d snap eventually and give up, you just gave up way sooner.

I couldn’t look at you. Not once. You prefaced us hanging out by saying “no romantic stuff” and I didn’t think twice about it..but looking at you stirs up all the sappy feelings I have for you. It’s bittersweet.

We didn’t get to hangout because your mom called and I had to take you home. You looked at me in the face when getting out, but told me you loved me. I felt myself biting my tongue yet again and avoiding your eyes.

For the next two days I tried initiating just to hangout, text, or call, and you blew me off over and over again. It really hurt my feelings and it was a slap in the face I needed.

After your last text I decided not to respond anymore. That was 3 days ago. It shows how much you didn’t value me/friendship/ any kind of relationship. It really hurt my feelings. After 7+ yrs of knowing each other bro. Idk man it’s just wild how quick you switched up.

My plan is to heal and grow as much as I can. I want to be a better version of myself for myself and others that I hold dear to me.

1. Gym

2. Working on my core wounds/attachment style/ triggers.

3. Acting less emotionally more rationally

4. Become more engaged at school

5. Try new things

6. Journaling

7. Therapy

8. Mindfulness and Self love.

I really want to change and grow as an individual. I’m eager to.

After reading all these psychology books I realized that I never have really worked on my core wounds and they are surfacing their way into my adult relationships, and that’s something I want to work on. As well as my attachment style from that core wound, I want to be secure with or without someone.

I will finish up my school this spring and leave for a few months back home so we can be physically separated again. There I’ll focus on myself physically, emotionally, and mentally. I want to be a different person the next time we cross paths.

Maybe in this time you’ll truly understand what you did and what you lost in return. Maybe you won’t. I can’t control that. I just can only hope. I thought what we had was a really good thing. I really did. But you have consistently chosen other people and things over me. Even as a long term friend I feel so disrespected and hurt. I know I don’t deserve this, yet I still want to come crawling back to you just to hear your laugh, or see your smile.

I really hope our time apart gives you time to also feel remorse and regret. You still haven’t admitted to anyone what you did, but will focus on all my wrong doings. It’s unfair. It’s so unfair because I’m the complete opposite of my friends, I tell them everything even the things I never wanted to admit, but that’s because what they tell me next will be a full honest response that I can use to further improve myself. I want to be the best version of myself and I want to learn and grow. You just keep avoiding out of fear, shame, and, guilt. You keep getting the information that you want to hear, not what you truly need to hear, but that again ties back to your personal agenda. I can’t influence that only you can actively decide to work on it. That hurts. And when I did bring it up you said “well what can I do now it’s in the past”. It’s just so aggravating. I wish you’d just listen to yourself and observe the conversations we have from a 3rd person perspective.

I guess you can say I’m starting to reach the angry stage of grief. While I’m still hurt, and sad, I find myself getting angry at things I overlooked just because I wanted you back so badly. I’m still not mad about the cheating and I hope I’ll reach that point soon. Maybe it will give me the push I need away from you.

I still am worried you’ve already started talking to another. Maybe you are. That’s not my business anymore and I’m trying so hard not to find out. If it’s true that also just shows me who you really are so yet again it’s bittersweet, but I can use it as motivation to keep moving forward.

I’m worried to see you Sunday. I know most likely you’ll be locked in your room, or out. I somehow wish it wouldn’t be that way, that you would come to me desperate to see me again, but that’s not how it is going to go. I just need to lock in and focus on MY boundaries. As much as I want it I know even seeing you will set me far far back. I can’t even look at you. I’d try to speak or I’d try to touch you and that’s not good for me or either of us.

If it were for some reason my deepest fantasy played out and I got to see you come to me asking to speak or for a hug I feel like I’d cave in. I’m so worried. Last time at the apartment you hugged me and then tossed me aside again. I can’t keep letting it happen. It hurts so bad. You get to choose when you want and have me whereas I don’t.

I’m also scared about sex. This last two times were fine, but again you ignored me the two following days. I know for a fact if you came up to me after a workout or something I would cave in so fast OR HOPEFULLY I will excuse my self and give myself time to process it. But brooooo. It’s like dream after dream I have about you which sucks. I wake up wanting you, I go to sleep wanting you. It’s no one else. No one else can capture my heart like you. It hurts so bad knowing that’s not the same for you tho lol. You’re just using me till you find what you want, I know. It hurts so bad. I was fine with you being my one and only but you’re not. It hurts so freaking bad brooo. Every intimate moment I’ve shared with you was special to me. I never let another soul see me the many different ways you have, and I planned on that forever, but you on the other hand dgaf and are also using me knowing it hurts me, your only thinking about your short term gratification. It’s partially my fault because my boundaries are nonexistent and that’s something I’m working on. I’m just ashamed and embarrassed because I want you so bad, and I see it as a sacred act of love and you just see it as “oh he’s easy and available”. Ouch!

In all honesty I dream that I give you space, so much of it, you realize you fucked up badly. You’ll see me changed and better and realize you fucked up. I hope you’ll finally have addressed some of your issues too. You’ll be better bc you put in the work! You’ll be remorseful and want me back in your life. You’ll slide back into my life somehow, I’ll give it a shot, we both feel the same sparks as before and hop right back into a better version of our past relationship. A secure, healthy, communicative, loving, respectful relationship. We ease slowly into it because I want us to both be rational with our feelings and minds and that can take a while.

I know I shouldn’t have to beg for you, I shouldn’t have to emotionally bend for you, I shouldn’t have to warp my boundaries to please you, I shouldn’t have to overlook what you did. I deserve a good friend who is respectful, understanding, and caring. I really hope one day you can become this person for me. Right now I don’t even know who you are.

If not hopefully these next few months will give me enough time to process and reflect on everything to effectively move on. Maybe we will never speak again, maybe I’ll never see you again. I really wish it wouldn’t be so uncertain but it’s out of my control.

I want to improve on me to be the best version of myself for me. If you choose not to stick with me that’s ok. I’ll let it go, and move forward. The only thing I can control is how I respond.

If it comes, let it.

If it goes, let it.

#Spotify

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riley1cannon · 1 year ago

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hello! for the end of yr books asks, how about 2, 3, 6, and 11?

Thanks for the asks!

2. Did you reread anything? What?

I did. As of right now, nineteen of fifty books I read this year were rereads. The majority were the Amelia Peabody mysteries by Elizabeth Peters -- The Deeds of the Disturber through The Golden One. I tore through the whole series a few years ago, and embarked on a more leisurely reread last year. Still kind of wound up racing through them; they're that kind of reads.

3. What were your top five books of the year?

Okay, right off the bat I'm going to cheat a bit and combine Tamara Berry's Buried in a Good Book & On Spine of Death, the first two books in her By The Book Mysteries, into one pick. I read a lot of mysteries, cozies in particular, and these two were a hoot and a half.

Viviana Valentine Gets Her Man by Emily J. Edwards was another treat. It's more of a private eye novel, in post-World War II New York City. Viviana is the secretary to a classic Philip Marlowe-type PI, and when he goes missing she has to step in and take charge of his latest case, and she does a damn fine job.

The Collapsing Empire by John Scalzi gives me hope that my long-dormant love of SF may yet revive. At least if there's more books like it out there.

The Hacienda by Isabel Canas was wonderful in every way -- scary, funny, sexy -- even if the literal last page drove me nuts.

My pick for most favorite book of the year is The Bodyguard by Katherine Center, which I previously described as if Miss Congeniality and While You Were Sleeping had a baby, and I stand by that. It was just toe curling wonderful in every way.

6. Was there anything you meant to read but never got to?

Not exactly, no. It's more that there were some books I started to read but ultimately put aside for the moment (as opposed to DNFs) to try another day. I tried Scott Lynch's Lies of Locke Lamora again, but once again it didn't quite click. The Anubis Gates by Tim Powers continues to defy by sounding really intriguing but then when I actually pluck it from my shelf, it fizzles out on me. Hunting Prince Dracula by Kerri Maniscalco is my own fault. The first book aggravated me, so what possessed me to pick up the second one is anyone's guess. Since I did, though, one day I will finish it. The most frustrating and puzzling one is The Hanging Tree by Ben Aaronovitch, from his Rivers of London series. Loved the previous books, but there's something about this one that defeats me within the first three pages. Rosemary and Rue, the first October Daye book by Seanan McGuire also continues to elude me. Literally when I misplaced it for several months, but then also when I found it and tried to get back into it, only to slam down again when I got to Chapter Seven and realized I had the plot figured out -- and there were over two hundred more pages to go. So I have to wrestle with that and decide if the characters/premise are enough to sustain my interest (I think they might be).

11. What was your favorite book that has been out awhile, but you just now read?

I guess The Collapsing Empire has been around for a few years already, so -- that one.

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