#finished first draft to turn it into something readable

[counselorssoapbox]

Polishing the manuscript.

Polishing the manuscript,Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com Polishing the manuscript. By David Joel Miller, writer, blogger, and mental health professional. My journey from writing something to making it readable. It’s a long process with many steps to transform that finished manuscript into a book that’s published and available for purchase. Each one of these steps has a learning curve. I’m learning…

[howdy-folks-its-showtime]

It's Showtime! - September 2024 Devlog

Howdy! Cobalt here, this month was a very busy month for me irl. I've been working on stuff like an Ebay I run with my mom, cleaning up our side yard and generally trying to give our house a deep clean since we want to be able to babysit kids for a source of income. That and a lot of driving practice since hopefully soon, I'll be taking my test. So I haven't been focused on game development, however I did get a ton done!

I've both added quite a few important scripts and cleaned up a few existing ones, to try and keep this simple here's a list:

Changed up how the ProgressManager keeps track of which character you are playing as. Mostly so that it can more accurately detect who you should be playing as currently, but also so I can customize freely the possible options of who you're playing as. With this new system it's very easy to add which points in the current level and/or chapter your character is changing.

ProgressManager script is no longer responsible for placing the right items in your inventory according to who you are playing as, that has been moved to be the function of the PauseManager.

Made a script for checking where the player is looking, I can change how close or far it detects the players gaze as well, which is gonna be super helpful for various things. There is another script called VisionManager that turns that one on and off, to make sure it's not running when not necessary.

Made a script for playing audio upon being interacted with and one for playing audio upon being looked at. These have been added to a few objects already and so Henry now has a few placeholder voice lines implemented in the game. With this I also added a function to the ProgressManager to keep track of which voice lines have been played and to make sure the same voice line isn't activated twice.

Tapes are now almost fully implemented programming wise. Upon picking one up, it plays the tape, shows you the name and description and the audioclip is stored in your tape menu. You can't play them from the menu yet and there's a few other things I'd love to implement, but for now I'm very happy to say they're working well.

I've rewritten how both objects that do something upon being interacted with and objects that do something upon being seen work. This method has removed the need for two scripts that made everything more complicated than it had to be and now if I want to add the ability to be interacted with, all I need is to add a word to it's inherited methods and a line of code saying what it does when it's interacted with/in sight. This makes the code much more readable and more simple.

Made the ProgressManager easier to access across different scripts due to how often it has to be accessed. Once again this makes the code more simple and easy to read.

simple door function for closing and opening a door, the animations are acting strangely but currently it is nothing more than a big placeholder rectangle so it works for now.

There's now an AudioManager script that makes sure voice lines and tapes won't play at the same time, it just makes all the objects that would normally play audio pause to let the current audio clip finish. So no overlapping voice lines or Henry speaking over the tapes.

Not a lot here to note honestly, just more drafts of important dialogue to put together and more progress on getting chapter 1 fully written. I've been focused on 3D art and programming way more than writing this month. I'm sure I'll get back to it next month.

A lot of the basic more generic 3D assets are being made currently, here's how a few of them for the first floor are looking;

And here's some for the Music Department.

2D Wise mostly just more Character Designs have been done, hence why most of these assets aren't textured. But soon the studio should be looking a lot more swell and full of props.

Made a really exciting development in terms of figuring out character rigging. Got in contact with someone who has a really swell system for 2D facial animation and if we can work together to figure it out, I'm sure soon I'll have some of the major characters first models done. I've told them a lot of features that would help me if they could figure them out and what I'd like the rig to be capable of and they said they are fairly sure it should be possible and they'd look into it. They have been very kind and helpful for this entire project and I would love if any of you gave them support on their YT Channel and the videos showing off this awesome rig. If they could make a general rig for this sort of thing I'm sure it'd be super helpful to so so many people who make stylized characters in Blender for games. https://youtu.be/0hcZfr4f5cA?si=gb6VYNXi7G12a5iI https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_knSIhLEGlw https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D2rMoFWwYTc

For now, that's all, lots of exciting stuff going on! See you guys next month!

[openstorygames]

On Editing and Ego

Nothing is quite as humbling (for a writer) as handing your work over to someone for feedback.

To be completely honest, that is a good 70% of the reason none of my novel drafts ever turned into anything readable. Even when I finished them, I wasn't brave enough to have them shredded by another's opinion.

In school, I excelled in language classes. I wasn't going to be the next great bilingual writer or anything, but languages click for me, so even when I wasn't working in English, I got decent at writing prose and even tried my hand at some poetry.

Writing in my first language (English) came to me like I'd come into the world doing it.

Like many students, I found myself in peer review groups quite often.

The trouble with being naturally talented at something is that you don't get challenged.

My teachers compared me to my classmates, and I was always towards the top of the curve. I was writing at or above the expected level, so that box got checked. No problems, no need to push.

My peers compared me to their own level of effort, to other students' skills. I got a few rude comments and some ribbing for being nerdy, but nothing to challenge my pride in my skill. That might have been good for my grades, but it was terrible for my ego (and my editing skills). I was so confident in my writing abilities that I rarely wrote more than a single draft. 'Editing' became proofreading. Checking for typos.

Of course, eventually you grow up. And in the broader world, there is always someone who is better, more skilled, or further along their path.

My writing hid for many years.

You know the great thing about games? They're only playable if the rules are readable.

This is doubly true for TTRPGs.

Guess how you discover if your game is playable.

That's right. Suddenly, I couldn't write off feedback.

Add that to the fact that game design is an entirely different medium than the typical school projects, and I found myself quite humbled.

I don't have editing skills.

I've got a degree in literature and nearly 2 decades of writing (if you count childhood attempts, which I do!) under my belt. But my editing skills are hardly better than when I was in middle school!

Fortunately, I've found a community that looks for the good and nudges me toward that. I have colleagues who are already learning my weak points and offer support and suggestions.

The lovely thing about learning as an adult is that we're all a little more mature about helping each other out (usually).

Doesn't ease the ego much, though.

I'm embarrassed to say I never really learned how to take that critique with grace. But I hope I'm getting there.

My ego still twinges when I'm reading feedback, but I'm able to read the genuine care that my community pours into my games, into my development as a designer.

I might be well-practiced at writing, but I'm still a beginner in this medium. And that's okay. I'm learning to be less full of myself, to ask more questions, and to take instruction.

Giving up the comfort of a puffed-up ego is the best way to move forward as an artist, but it's also a great way to be a considerate, compassionate human.

Join me in letting that ego go a little bit. Be a beginner! Try something new. Adapt your art to a slightly different medium. Take a class that sounds interesting but intimidating. Ask for feedback. Listen with open ears. Look with clear eyes.

[chayscribbles]

chayscribbles’ monthly writing update ☆ january 2023

☆ STATISTICS.

words written: 10 029

projects worked on: Andromeda Rogue; The Gemini Heist; and a Third, Secret Thing :)

proudest accomplishment: uhhh i can't really thing of anything... i made it to 10k words for the month at the very last minute does that count

books read: Six Wakes by Mur Lafferty; Station Eternity by Mur Lafferty

☆ GENERAL COMMENTS.

as you may or may not have noticed i haven't really been active on writeblr lately. between work, the fact that it's january, and having to shovel through, like, 4 snow storms, i haven't really had the time or energy.

started the writing year super strong. hit a wall about halfway and have since been in a terrible slump for most of the month.

however it turns out that you can trick your brain into thinking it's experiencing New WIP Euphoria by digging up and revamping an old wip (i.e. the Third, Secret Thing).

book comments: both books i read were about murder in space. both were pretty good. both get a solid 4/5 stars.

(between that, watching Glass Onion, rewatching Murder She Wrote, and starting to watch Columbo, i think i'm on a bit of a murder kick lately.)

more specific wip-related comments + featured excerpt below.

☆ COMMENTS: ANDROMEDA ROGUE (draft 2)

not much to say about this one tbh. while most of my words from this month came from this wip, i've,, mostly just been patching up little things like smoothing over inconsistent details and adding a little meat to description and exposition... but i've been procrastinating on fixing the Big Stuff 😭

i really like how the new version is turning out compared to the first version tho. it's so much cleaner & that's very satisfying.

if only i could just *clenches fist* get myself to actually fuckin work on it

☆ COMMENTS: THE GEMINI HEIST (outlining / draft 0.5 or something)

i finished part 1 of 7!... and now i have no idea what i'm doing.

i don't think i like fast drafting lol. i hate how shitty my quality of writing has been. and yeah whatever that's the point of a fast draft blablabla but like, when my draft is already a little bit readable i can go back and reread parts and be like "oh hey this isn't half bad". and i know people are always like "don't reread right away!!! just keep writing!!!!!!!" but for me rereading as i go is part of the process lmao. not only does it remind me of important things i would otherwise forget, it also encourages me to keep going when i see that what i've done isn't terrible.

and... with this fast draft everything just feels terrible.

not to mention i can't seem to untangle plot... heists are fuckin hard to plan. especially since there's multiple opposing parties with different plans that are all going to inevitably go to shit, and so i have to make more plans for when that happens. it feels so complicated uuuggghghhhgh

☆ COMMENTS: a Third, Secret Thing (???)

i'm not gonna talk about it too much publicly yet so i don't jinx whatever is going on here (and i want to make sure i'm a bit more committed to this thing before introducing anything) but all i'll say is it's an older wip that i've talked about on my old blog that i've dug out and changed the genre into a dark modern fantasy mystery with messy sapphics.

☆ FEATURED EXCERPT.

alright i know i said i didn't want to talk too much about the Third Secret Thing yet but i couldn't find any passages to share in either AR or GH... so have this, with very little context :') uhhh tw for mentions of death and murder.

That’s how she ended up peeking groggily out the door at the frigid winter morning, having hastily thrown a sweatshirt over her pyjamas and a towel over her hair, only to have two police officers inform her that Vanessa Villa-Cortez had been found dead in her apartment early that morning.

“D… dead?” Amina repeated, her mind in a haze. She had to still be asleep, right? Maybe the guilt over ignoring that text had seeped into her subconscious and was feeding her dreams. There was no way someone was at her door telling her that Vanessa, a girl she hadn’t heard from in nearly seven years, was… was—

“Killed in an apparent burglary gone wrong last night,” said one of the officers gravely. “A neighbour noticed the door had been clearly forced in, went inside to check, and found Miss Villa-Cortez’s body on the floor of her apartment.”

Amina’s head began to swim. She clutched the doorposts to keep her buckling knees from giving way completely beneath her. No. No. Vanessa couldn’t be dead. Amina still had to answer her text.

if you know you know ;)

☆ TAGLISTS. let me know if you want to be added/removed to any of them.

genera taglist:

@nicola-writes @dgwriteblr @the-orangeauthor @retrogayyde @quilloftheclouds @ashen-crest @writeblrfantasy @celestepens @stardustspiral @pepperdee @extra-magichours @avi-why @lefttigerobservation @chazzawrites @bardolatrycore @innocentlymacabre

andromeda trilogy taglist:

@bebewrites @nicola-writes @dgwriteblr @the-orangeauthor @retrogayyde @akindofmagictoo @quilloftheclouds @nora-theteawriter @ashen-crest @corpsepng @writeblrfantasy @chaylattes @toboldlywrite @celestepens @stardustspiral @pepperdee @cheerfulmelancholies @extra-magichours @writeouswriter @cilly-the-writer @lefttigerobservation @rose-bookblood @drowsy-quill @chazzawrites @cynic-and-chief @enchanted-lightning-aes @aesa

gemini heist taglist:

@florraisons @akindofmagictoo @cream-and-tea @nicola-writes @memento-morri-writes @antique-symbolism @rose-bookblood @afoolandathief @pepperdee @avi-why @zonnemaagd @chazzawrites @analogued @enchanted-lightning-aes @innocentlymacabre @kahvilahuhut @celestepens @cilly-the-writer @extra-magichours @retrogayyde

[firstkanaphans]

hi! if you don't mind me asking, i was wondering if i could ask you about how you're able to write at the speed/output that you are able? i'm always so impressed with the rate at which you're able to update and was hoping to ask for advice 😅

because one of the hardest things for me is speed...i write soooo slowly, and so as much as i want to write multichapter fics, i feel like it would take me months between updates because of how slow i write. i think one of the reasons is that i am also constantly live editing as i write maybe? which really does slow me down, but i'm not sure how to bypass that.

i was curious if you had any tips/advice for how to write at a steady pace? do you set aside time every day to write regularly, or only when the mood "hits"? and how do you tackle those scenes where you just have no idea what to write (if that's something if you've experienced?)

of course no need to answer any of these questions - i hope i didn't overwhelm! i'm just always so impressed with your writing output that i'd love to hear any advice if you had any. thank you and can't wait for the next update of BLP 🫶

This probably isn’t the answer you want to hear, but the honest truth is that I just have a very easy day job. There are probably only about three days a month where I have to put in an eight-hour work day. The rest of the time, I use any excess work time I have to write.

It wasn’t always like this for me, though, so I understand the frustration of working a full-time job and then coming home exhausted. The last thing you want to do is write because as much as we try to pretend like it’s fun, it’s still work. It’s not mind-numbing. You can’t do it if your tank is already empty. The main reason I’m able to write quickly is simply that I have the time and the mental energy to do so.

Like you said, one of the biggest tips I can give you when trying to write faster is to turn off your inner editor while writing your first draft. It took me a long time to learn how to do this, but it has been immensely helpful. I will obviously correct typos while I’m writing, but other than that, I really don’t go back and edit anything until the whole first draft is complete. The only exception would be if I get halfway through a chapter and just know something’s not working. At that point I will stop and at least figure out what the problem is so that I don’t waste time writing scenes that may need to be cut depending on what I have to change. But other than that, I largely ignore correct grammar and even good writing in favor of just getting words down on the page.

If you’re a perfectionist like me and the thought of doing that is just completely off-putting, I’ll sometimes trick myself by pretending I’m not writing anything important. In all of my documents, I put the word START where I’m meant to start writing for the day. If I know I’m going to be writing really rough, I just don’t move the START from where it is and that tricks my brain into letting me write bad because I know the next day I’ll start from that same place. So essentially, I’m writing very badly one day and then going back to edit it into something readable the next. I cannot stress enough how much difference even just a day makes in your ability to edit more objectively. I never post chapters on the same day I finish them because I want to give my brain at least 24-hours to mull it over before I start editing.

As for writer’s block, I have pretty much eradicated that from my life simply because I outline everything so thoroughly beforehand. For instance, today I’ve been going through my outline for Chapter 4 of Best Laid Plans so that I can start writing it. One of the bullet points says, “Akk, Aye, Kan, Wat, and Thua eat lunch together.” My job today is to figure out what they’re going to talk about during that lunch so that when I get to that scene, I won’t draw a blank and spend days trying to figure it out instead of actually writing.

Now, that’s not to say that there aren’t days where I just don’t want to write, but for me, those days are few and far between. I don’t, however, believe in forcing yourself to write even when you don’t want to because your output is going to show your frustration with the task. I would never encourage someone to set a goal to write every day because I believe that’s just setting them up for failure. In the end, this really is just a hobby and you should work at your own pace and comfort level. If you’re bored with a multi-chapter fic you’re writing, take a break to write a one-shot. Or add something to your outline to spice up the next scene so that it re-energizes you.

It’s funny because I think output numbers get wildly skewed in fandom because some of us are actually insane. It’s not odd to see 20K-word chapter updates or fics literally longer than the Bible (773K words). If you write 1000 words a week (less than 150 words a day), that’s 52K words in a year, which is very nearly novel-length—and longer than any multi-chapter fic I’ve written. You would never expect a published author to write more than one novel a year, so don’t expect that from yourself either.

[amarits]

🕯️ and 🎲 for the ask game?

🕯️ ⇢ on a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you enjoy editing? why is that?

6ish? I don’t mind editing. I do a lot of it and it can be frustrating (maybe four or five rounds for each chapter) but it also smooths out my writing and turns my story into what it was in my head. My first drafts tend to be really rough, just getting the ideas out there, and editing is what makes it readable. It’s not necessarily fun though.

🎲 ⇢ what stops you from writing more in your free time?

Right now I just need to get back in the habit. I used to write every morning before work. Then I started trying to find a new job and I used that time for searching for jobs and applying. I figured when I got my new job I’d get back at it. But I never did find a new job and I’m kind of in limbo on that front. (Do I keep looking? Do just appreciate the things I have?) I want to get back to writing but it’s been a couple of years and I need to reread the stuff I already wrote to remember what all was going on and get back in the headspace. Sometimes I think about writing something else to at least get in the habit, but then I feel bad about not finishing the stories I have when people are waiting. But if I was writing something it would make it easier to work on the stories people are waiting for. But I really should focus on these stories. But I need to reread what I wrote first. So on, so forth. I’m working on it.

Thanks for asking!

[ladyodaskonpeito]

For 2023 in review, 9, 11, and 12 please!

Helloooo muse, thanks so much for dropping by my ask box!

9. What fic meant the most to you to write?

The first fic I've ever posted for RinHaru, hands down. I wrote this high on the RinHaru feels I got from watching Free! and at first, I was a little bummed out that the show didn't make them outright canon. But as I worked on this fic, writing out whatever it is I think should have happened on the show (lol) helped me come to terms with that and I actually learned to appreciate that we're given the liberty to choose how they'd end up together. As such, I've come to really love writing fanfiction thanks to the realisation that we as shippers are bestowed with the freedom (and power 😌) to decide how we want that magical moment of them getting together to finally happen 💖✨

TLDR this was the work that made me realise how much fun I could have with fanfiction, and I've been hooked on this hobby ever since!

11. What fic was the most satisfying to finish writing?

This was a tough one since the feeling of finishing a fic is always satisfying, but if I had to choose one... Dear Diary. It was based on the first prompt I chose for make a splash! and I felt kinda pressure, to be frank. I mean, I got an AO3 account for this event! The least I could do was to contribute at least something decently readable. The prompt caught my eye since I wanted to write something lighthearted and fun, but the thing about this prompt is that it also very much reminds me of this legendary fandom classic by sauntering_down. I could only ever dream of making something half as funny as that 🙈 The pressure I was giving myself made me force words out in a feeble attempt to make it work initially, thus my first draft was an unreadable mess. By the grace of the fanfiction gods and my kind beta reader @declawedwildcat, I managed to pivot and rewrite the entire thing, so it was such a relief that the prompt did not go to waste after the initial struggle I had with Nitori's POV.

12. What fic was the most difficult to write? Did you finish it?

My entry for Soumako Week since I was challenging myself to use one prompt from each day of the week. I planned to make "drabbles" every day that would connect to make a coherent story, but they turned out to be much longer than just drabbles 😂 I struggled with the plot for some time, and while the end result got me thinking of what could've been (not my best work, I'm afraid), I'm still so glad I somehow managed to finish it. Even though it was difficult I did enjoy learning from the process and managed to have fun with the event, so I would love to repeat a challenge like that for another ship week someday. Seeing how I could connect prompts to weave them into stories is too much fun!

Aww man, I got too carried away with each question again. Thanks for putting together such great questions and Happy New Year in advance 😝 Hope 2024 will be another good year with TNP again 🥺

[exonerin]

✨✨✨✨🫱Care to share🫲✨✨✨✨

The message was sent to you because someone loved your writing and stories. ❤️

▪️What are your writing suggestions for newcomers, or what would you have liked to know when you first started?

▪️How do you write different personalities and perspectives? Could you explain how you came up with the manner you written your favorite or any character?

▪️What do you do when you have writer's block?

▪️How do you come up with new ideas and develop them?

▪️Any messages for your readers or fellow writers?

You are welcome to answer if you have the time and desire, or you can simply respond to the questions that come to mind.

💐Thank you for your work as a writer and as a member of this fandom!💐

Thank you for the questions. They were delightful to answer.

What are your writing suggestions for newcomers, or what would you have liked to know when you first started?

Have fun, but you have to sit down and write. And then, you have sit down and edit. Turn that first draft into a readable product. Which you edit again. And proofread. Ideally, you write a fic for which this entire process is fun.

So, have fun and be patient, I suppose?

How do you write different personalities and perspectives? Could you explain how you came up with the manner you written your favorite or any character?

Yeah... That's a struggle. I consider this a direct hit to the greatest insecurity I have about my fics (aside from the English). And I can't look too closely at my fics or I'll rip my Obi-Wan apart. My Kylo Ren, too. I never get them right. But hey, practice makes perfect, though re-watching/re-reading the source material helps.

Sometimes, it's easier. When Hux's in control, he's angry, arrogant, confident. However, when he loses control, he's terrified. Suddenly, he's more like a hurt animal, and it makes him unreliable, even quicker to anger, and deeply insecure. If Ren's around, Hux does not feel in control of the situation ever, and I think that's fascinating.

I'm also intrigued by how much of Hux's arrogant front is deceptive. (I can write an essay on the battle of Krayt and its aftermath, but I'll spare you that. Instead, I'm working on a hanahaki fic in the background).

Anakin's similar. It's just easier to decipher and identify what he feels, why he feels it, and how he'll react.

Still, though, dialogue is tough.

What do you do when you have writer's block?

You go back to the start of the story, and you read until you find the moment your plot starts sprawling or your dialogue turns ridiculous. You delete everything after that point (or you put it in a different file, so you can see that your deleted segments are longer than the finished product). Then, you try again.

Sometimes, that means deleting 20k words (Unconditional Surrender). Or scrapping the project altogether (40k, Bringing Skywalker Home). Or you write the same segment five times over (Speak No Evil).

Surprisingly, this has a 100% success rate, and the final product is always better than what you initially wrote.

How do you come up with new ideas and develop them?

This is fun. That's all.

I see something, and I think, that would be fun to inflict on these characters I love, and then I think about what happens next.

You just continue writing, wondering how the characters would react until you reach the end, I suppose.

Any messages for your readers or fellow writers?

Hello there? I'm notoriously bad at talking to people. So, I'll just stick to the monologues if you don't mind.

[screadingchallenge]

Behind the Keyboard-Volume 12

Behind the Keyboard is a series of interviews with different Schitt’s Creek fanfic authors. The series will last as long as there is interest (from authors) and capacity (from me). If you are an author from the Schitt’s Creek fandom who would like to participate, send a DM to this account.  

Each author was given ten questions. The first five questions are the same for every author, the last five will vary.

Remember, this year’s Reading Challenge begins July 15, so polish up those MFL lists.

Let’s meet our next author:

@doug-judys-blog /  Doug_Judy

How many fics have you written? 

Ooof dozens across about a dozen different fandoms? It’s hard to say. Actual start-to-finish completed fics, probably around 15. 

When did you publish your first fic on AO3? 

11/27/21 on AO3 (Caught Wig-Handed), but I published my first fic back in 2001 on the good ole LiveJournal.

Describe your writing process from “Oh, I have an idea” to pushing publish on AO3.

I love outlining a story as soon as I have an idea. I create these long, ridiculous outlines for all of my fics. They are both general and specific - I will have a general outline of the fic, but I often fill in spaces with scenes or pieces of dialogue that are already in my mind. From there, I expand into something readable and turn it more into prose than bullet points. Once I’m happy with the draft, I usually put it down for a while. I like to read through my works both aloud and in my head to see if it’s compelling. I do have a lovely beta now, but in the past I never really used one (big mistake on my part). I’ll retool things with her suggestions and then read through another few times, just to be sure I’m happy. Then I publish and run to hide. 

Tell me about your most recent fic? What do you love about it? Is there anything you think you could have done better?

My most recent published fic was just a random piece of fluff that came to me when a friend sent a cute little photo of her husband playing with a toy guitar. It’s fluff, but sweet fluff. Something I struggle with in my writing is being too wordy. Brevity is the soul of wit and all, but I always overdo it. So I really loved that I kept this one short and sweet. It’s definitely not one of my strengths. I think I could have made it funnier, but I wrote it in about an hour in the car while I was on a road trip and I wanted to get it out for that friend’s birthday. So you work with what you have. But I definitely would’ve liked to give it a bit more time to marinate. 

What advice would you give to someone who’s thinking about publishing their fic for the first time?

I write all the time, but I rarely publish. And, IMO, some of my works are really good and unique. But they probably won’t see the light of day because I am terrible at finishing things (see previous question about only having 15 finished fics but dozens of half-written pieces) and I constantly fret over small changes. There’s a freedom in just putting a piece down and saying it’s finished. So just publish the dang thing. And follow through. Finish things. You’ll be so proud of yourself when you do.

Is there someone(s) who has made your writing better? In what way?

Absolutely! Two people: my grad school advisor and my beta, Demora00. My advisor was the first person to ever tell me I write too much and that I need to be more concise. I had no idea that writing LESS would ever be the request of any professor, but she was right. Now I’m conscious of it, but old habits die hard. Demora gives me perspective on my writing. She is usually cut and dry (DELETE DELETE DELETE) which I desperately need, but she also isn’t afraid to tell me when something just isn’t working from a narrative perspective. She’s made my fics 1000% times better because of her honest feedback and suggestions…and her incredible knowledge of the English language that I apparently have forgotten. 

What do you do when you get stuck?

I listen to music and read works that are completely different from my own. Music is very inspirational to me - I find that’s where a lot of my ideas start - so it often helps to pull me out of a stuck position. Something about reading something completely different from whatever I’m working on has always helped as well because it completely takes me out of the mindset of my fic, which I think is key when you’re stuck. You just really have to walk away, but sometimes just physically closing your laptop isn’t enough because your brain is still there. Trick it and set it on a different path.

How many unfinished WIPs do you have right now?

HAHAHAHA not answering this. But really, I have 5 that I would really like to finish. 

How has writing fic changed you?

It’s made me a better reader. I recognize patterns and literary devices better. It really has given me an even deeper appreciation for authors that actually complete their works. Writing is hard, man, and sometimes, for me at least, finishing feels impossible. 

Weirdest thing you’ve googled as research for a story?

Statute of limitations for 2nd degree murder.

[marypsue]

2 and 10!

from this meme

2. Tell us about what you’re most looking forward to writing – in your current project, or a future project

At the moment, I'm most excited to have something done to the standard where I can start sharing it with other people. I've had ideas for a handful of (what I think are) very cool horror scenes for Circus Luna involving bugs, though, and those are gonna be fun.

10. How would you describe your writing process?

'Haphazard', probably.

Actually, that's not so much true anymore. For a number of years, I've used a method that I lovingly refer to as 'plough straight into the thing and go forward chronologically until the steam (and the plot) run out', and I genuinely do not know how I managed to finish anything that way, even though my AO3 profile shows that clearly, I did.

The last twooooo-ish? years and the process of writing the monster longfic, though, have - not totally overhauled, but maybe evolved my writing process. I actually made notes to make sure I could replicate what I'm calling the 'high beams method', so named after driving with high beams on after dark. You know where your destination is, and you should know the major twists and turns along the way, but you won't see the whole path illuminated until you drive up close enough to it. It's a method that involves a lot of outlining, but in short bursts, getting more detailed as the drafting catches up to the outline (and sometimes changing or detouring depending on the conditions, so long as it'll eventually get you to the right destination). And then of course one must apply structural and stylistic edits; that's the part I'm still working out how to do effectively, though I think I've got enough of a grasp on it now to make something serviceable.

Possibly this is what more experienced, more famous, more successful writers have been talking about all along when they say 'the first draft is just you telling yourself the story' and 'the first draft of anything is crap' and all that stuff about first drafts that aren't polished or readable or written in chronological order or whatever. Perhaps what I am here calling 'a detailed outline' is what they've been calling a 'first draft'. I don't think I would have a method that actually works for me if I hadn't worked it out for myself, though, even if all kinds of smart, knowledgeable people had already told me to do it in exactly the same way I 'worked out for myself'. Some things just don't click until you think they were your idea all along.

[pentanguine]

Favorite books of 2020

So....about five months ago now, I drafted a list of my favorite books of 2020, and then I, uh, didn’t finish it. It languished in a draft gathering dust and I forgot that it existed.

But now it’s done! It’s hideously late and also out of date, because I’d change many of the rankings now (see below), but I decided to keep them in the original order to reflect how I felt when I actually meant to post this.

Gideon the Ninth- What can I say about this book that hasn’t already been said? It’s like nothing else I’ve read before, in the most unabashed, off-the-walls, grandiose way possible. It’s incredibly complex, well-written, goth, and full of memes. There are, indeed, lesbian necromancers in space.

Harrow the Ninth- I read this 500+ page book in one day and didn’t notice an earthquake while doing so, if you consider that an endorsement. There’s so much going on here it almost feels like it shouldn’t work, and yet it does, brilliantly—it’s so intricately plotted you’ll want to reread it immediately because there’s no way to pick up on everything your first time through.

The Starless Sea- This is just a magical delight of a story, with prose that flows like honey: slow, sweet, and delicious. The story unfolds like a series of wonders nested one inside the other, with each section adding another layer of whimsy and metafiction. It’s half a dream, and half a maze.

Young Miles (The Warrior’s Apprentice/The Vor Game)- The Miles books (the early ones, especially) are wild and unrepentant romps through outer space, and reading them was one of the highlights of 2020 for me. When I finished the Young Miles omnibus, I couldn’t remember the last time I’d taken such pure delight in a book. Even the heavier, more thoughtful moments were part of a well-told, enjoyable story.

The Stone Sky- Speaking of heavy and thoughtful books…The Broken Earth Trilogy is definitely not a light undertaking, but it’s just a masterpiece of world- and character-building. The Stone Sky is the final installment, and it does not pull a single punch in delivering what the previous books have been building towards.

This Is How You Lose the Time War- I keep instinctively wanting to call this a novel in verse, although I think it’s technically an epistolary novel with prose-poem tendencies. In any case, the writing is lovely—lush, vivid, sensual, romantic. I recommend reading this one with your poetry glasses on.

Cordelia’s Honor (Shards of Honor/Barrayar)- I tried to limit myself to one book per author on this list, but I didn’t succeed here. I loved the Vorkosigan saga too much, and I had to include the omnibus about Miles’s mother, Cordelia, whose life and personality could easily be the focus of another half-dozen volumes. (And if you’re looking for a well-developed m/f romance, you’ve found it here)

An Unkindness of Ghosts- I think this is the book that kicked off my sudden interest in sci-fi last year. It’s dark and beautiful, definitely character-driven, and everyone is truly strange in ways that protagonists rarely get to be. It’s also got one of the loveliest, most satisfying endings I can imagine.  

Code Name Verity- An incredibly intense YA book that delves deep into one of my favorite fictional themes, Morality. It’s a rollicking spy adventure novel that focuses on a close friendship rather than romance (although you can read it as sapphic if you want), with descriptions of flying over England at sunset that made my heart ache.

The Raven Tower- I enjoyed this story for reasons probably particular to me—I like long digressions into abstract questions like “How do we exert power over the world?” and “Where does the meaning of words exist?”, and entire sections of The Raven Tower are devoted to the inner meditations of a very contemplative rock. It’s also a retelling of Hamlet, if that’s more your speed.

Network Effect (and Murderbot novellas)- I’m going to quote my immediately-after-finishing review: “Murderbot always gives me feels. I would love to give a more literary summary, but I’m still overwhelmed by the tentative vulnerability of two bots being best friends and watching TV together after [redacted].” The first Murderbot novel definitely did not disappoint.

The Monster of Elendhaven- Decadent, blood-soaked, and morally depraved, it’s kind of like The Picture of Dorian Gray by way of Hannibal (NBC), with probable influences from a dozen other macabre works and no restraint whatsoever. Reading it felt very self-indulgently delightful.

Before Mars- A deliciously unsettling sci-fi thriller with a refreshingly blunt, unsentimental female protagonist. Also definitely an …interesting book to read at the end of March 2020, but explaining why would definitely be a spoiler. Suffice it to say that the book goes dark places not advertised on the tin, and it made me cry.

Orange World- Karen Russell is one of those writers who make you wonder “how did they come up with this?” Every one of her stories is a totally original marriage between two wildly different concepts (like a Bog Maiden and high school romance, or new motherhood and the devil), and they’re a nice blend of literary and fantasy that I love.

Something That May Shock and Discredit You- It’s so hard to rank this one, because its two primary concerns are Christianity and transness, one of which means very little to me and one of which is breathtakingly important. I couldn’t justify putting it any lower, because it made me feel an ungodly number of feelings, but I couldn’t really justify putting it higher when a solid third of the book went right over my head.

The Ten Thousand Doors of January- A truly wondrous novel, one that fully immerses you in the delight of storytelling and imagination, and the power of escaping to other worlds. It’s very much in the tradition of “books that pay tribute to the love of books,” and an homage to a hundred portal fantasies before it.

Braiding Sweetgrass- I’ve got such a fondness for nature writing that doesn’t even try to be scientifically detached, and instead leaves you with the feeling that the trees and fields around you are bustling with (nonhuman) people.* Kimmerer’s writing is steeped in indigenous ways of knowing, and emphasizes the respect and reciprocity we can hold for the natural world. It’s lovely writing, and I can’t recommend the book highly enough.

Call Down the Hawk- Full of all the ingredients you expect from a Maggie Stiefvater book: fast cars, ancient magic, questions of art and truth, and borderline overuse of the word “cunning.” Every time I read one of her books I want to start taking notes, because she’s got such a signature style that’s both poetic and readable.  

The Unspoken Name- For some reason I wasn’t much into epic fantasy last year, but I’m glad I gave this one a try. I love morally grey characters, of which there are plenty, and the plot took a number of refreshing twists and turns.  

A Memory Called Empire- Not a fast-moving read, but perfect if you like your sci-fi novels poetic, complex, and intellectual. The worldbuilding is incredibly immersive, in a way that reminded me a bit of Ursula K. Le Guin, and I remember this stuck with me for weeks after I finished it.

*Let me be a nerdy weirdo for a second: Most of the time Kimmerer is writing about New England, an area I’m not really familiar with, but “The Sound of Silverbells” is set on a mountain somewhere in the South, and I adored it. Suddenly she was writing about dogwoods and redbuds and poplars, and I was sitting there going “!!! Those are my friends! My friends are in a book!”

Changes I’d make now:

Bump The Starless Sea down a couple pegs, maybe to #6

Swap out Cordelia’s Honor and Young Miles

Bump The Raven Tower way down to #16 and bump A Memory Called Empire a few spots higher, maybe to #17

Braiding Sweetgrass can go up where The Raven Tower was

[shadowlink06]

A Captive Heart (Deleted Scenes)

The first draft of this piece capped off at 31k words. These are the scenes I managed to save. Keep in mind, these are being presented as unedited so expect to see typos. One of the things I will tell my editors is to make the story readable. Don't worry about my feelings or deleting scenes. It was pretty normal that 5k was cut as during my World of Ruin series, at least 10k has been deleted or rearranged. Please do not read this post if you have not read the entire story as it contains spoilers.

Salve Regina did not have any deleted scenes since it was a last-minute story that I wrote. You can definitely see the difference when I have more time to think about the story.

Chapter 1:

Regis lamented over his son’s health the more that the days had passed. It was a risk coming to Tenebrae, but he could think of no other options for help when Noctis had slipped in his coma. Thankfully he had woken from it, but there still appeared to be something wrong with him. On the balcony overlooking the city, he stared into the tiny silhouettes of the people going about their day without a care in the world. He wished he could have been more carefree like them. Everyday was like walking on eggshells. He and Sylva had been friends in the distant past. Niflheim’s occupation of the region had limited their contact.

Aldercapt had been a man of greed. His reign had been one stained in bloodshed and heartbreak with the evolving magitek troops he had produced. The rumor was that there was someone within his court that was responsible for the sudden production of the inhuman creations. A human or daemon… it was hard to say at this point. What Regis did know was that in the last twenty years, there had been strides made from Niflheim that caused the barrier protecting Lucis to grow ever smaller.

Regis glanced at the ring of the Lucii. His forebears aided him as much as they could to drive away the onslaught time and time again but the price the ring demanded was a high one. That is why the King had gone through desperate strides to see that Noctis would get better, even if that meant being in enemy territory. Most of the retinue that had joined him had gone back to Lucis and only a handful remained behind to not cause attention to be drawn to Sylva while she did her best to heal Noctis. In his heart, the King wished for the illness Noctis seemed to suffer from to pass quickly but a part of him wondered if the daemon attack had taken more from his son than he could fathom.

Chapter 2:

Regis found himself unable to sleep the past few weeks. Speaking to Sylva had confirmed to him that the daemon attack might have damaged Noctis in a way that was hard for even the Oracle to heal. He had thought the worst of it had been over when Noctis came out of his coma, but perhaps it was just a prelude. When the boys had been settled for bed, the King had taken leave to the gardens with Clarus at his side.

A part of him was still suspicious of the daemon attack. He had known that Niflheim was making strides in their magitek production the last twenty years. Why that had been so had been bothersome to the King and his council. The war with the other nation had always been bloody with Aldercapt’s family refusing to stop it’s aggressive expansion in Eos. And then there was the crystal which they seemed to both admire, fear, and be jealous that such a power was out of their control.

But Regis, like his father before him, refused to give into Niflheim’s demands. There had been concessions made that had unfortunately given Niflheim more influence over what was once Lucian territory but they were still waging war desperately trying to drive the enemy back. What hope he had of ending the war seemed to be only a fairytale. Noctis was destined to continue this struggle, much to Regis’s disappointment.

That was why it was alarming that it seemed that Noctis seemed to be the target. No doubt it would hurt Regis, but also put him at greater risk since that was his only son. Regis could only hope that Noctis would pull through, whatever was wrong with him. “Clarus,” He spoke to his friend. “Do you think this is the right path to take?”

The Shield considered his words. “It is not my place to say your Highness.”

Wedding Crashers:

Even if it was in the early morning, Aranea always stopped by the same bar, at the same time. She wasn’t sure when the ritual started, but she, Biggs, and Wedge, always ate together before proceeding to their business at the Empire. As she walked in today though, there was a hole that filled in the pit of her stomach as she sat in the barstool, right in the middle of the men. The bartender, an old guy around 70, gave a nod and set a glass in front of her before pouring orange juice in it. “Usual?” His gruffled voice muttered behind the heavy gray mustache.

“Please.” Aranea said before he disappeared into the back to get her order ready.

“Should’ve ordered something different.” Biggs said as he lit the tip of his cigarette. Sure will be reassigned after the wedding day is announced.

“Feels strange.” Wedge admitted. “Thought I would resent those brats being their personal babysitters... but they were both good people.”

“Don’t tell me you are getting sentimental?” Aranea mused with an arched brow.

“Naw… it’ll be nice to take to the skies again.” Wedge replied.

“Agreed, much prefer it. We were meant for the sky.” Biggs said.

Aranea had to agree with them. That is where the three of them met together when they had signed up for the job. It was so fun being able to see all of Eos just outside of their window. She grabbed her glass before taking a drink out of it. The acidic burn of the orange juice stung going down, but she kept chugging it until nothing was left. “Humph, another era for Niflheim.”

“His Radiance certainly played his cards right.”

That made the commodore laugh softly. “Guess he did…” Too well. From there the trio grew silent as they continued to small talk about what would be next for them. Eventually the bartender came back with toast, eggs, and bacon for three of them as they ate breakfast together. Aranea didn’t finish her meal much to Biggs and Wedge’s surprise.

“You okay Lady A?” Biggs asked.

Aranea nodded before glancing down at the unfinished plate. “Yeah, guess I just got a lot on my mind.” She reached into her wallet throwing out enough bills to cover their meals and left a generous tip for the bartender. “Guess we better get ready to go.” All three stood up walking out of the bar. She readied herself to go to the castle while Biggs and Wedge headed to the aircraft hold to delegate security for the coming wedding. Before they parted the commodore couldn’t help but speak to her friends. “Biggs… Wedge. It’s been great knowing you.”

The pair looked at each other before chuckling softly. “Sure you haven’t been hittin’ the bottles Ms?” Biggs said with that goofy grin on his face. They knew that Aranea never drank for she had always been one to know what was going on around her. Biggs always said eventually he’d get her drunk one of these days. He hadn’t succeeded in the past ten years though.

Aranea forced herself to laugh. “Maybe a little bit. See you guys.” Although in the bottom of her heart this moment was the last time she would see them.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

Titus walked into the Lucis council chamber early in the morning. It was Prince Noctis’s eighteenth birthday, and today was the day that Regis was dreading. Aldercapt had wasted no time in getting the date set up for the wedding the moment Noctis had turned of age. His Radiance had assumed that Regis would try something if the wedding day was extended longer… given how the council had been behaving the last few months, Aldercapt had been right.

Stil he had been unable to figure out just who was feeding the council information about the Prince’s movements. But he had gotten better about covering up his emotions when it was clear that sensitive information about the Prince was delivered. Whoever it was had been sly, always staying out of reach of Titus’s grasp and slipping away. It was hard to pin down who it was since whoever was feeding the court information wasn’t coming directly to the citadel to deliver the information. From what he could tell, the intel was spot on. Between them knowing Aldercapt’s schedule, times where the military cabinet would be attending meetings, or even when they were not in Niflheim, it was always accurate. Whoever it was, Titus was managing to stay one step ahead of them by abruptly changing plans or cancelling meetings to subvert a way to leave Noctis vulnerable. So far, he had been successful, but by now, the mole knew that there was a mole in Lucis which was making things more complicated. Titus was hoping that the mole would surface soon. His affairs at Niflheim had kept him from learning about the secret ops mission that Clarus was overseeing. Until the wedding day was taken care of, Titus was on leave giving him the opportunity to play his role as Drautos.

Lucis had to make their move soon else they would be subservient to Niflheim. That was why he was counting on something big happening during the small window where Noctis turned 18 and he produced an heir. It was a critical time for both sides, and it might have been time to cut his ties from Lucis completely. His only regret was the same one he had ten years ago, he couldn’t be the one to thrust his sword in Regis’s heart.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

“You won’t be able to do this on your own!” Noctis cried out.

She agreed with the Prince, but it was irrelevant. Everyone had gambled on this to work and so she could only press forward. “I said go! I can’t fight them and protect you brats!” She shouted pointing the spear at them to make her point clear.

Ignis hesitated, but pulled Noctis up. “We have to go Noct…” He said softly, eyeing the street and where the circled area was. Almost there… he hoped whatever was there was useful.

Aranea continued to destroy the units as they continued to deploy from the drop ship. “I’ve gotta take those damn things out.”. Charging her Stoss Spear, she pressed the tip of it into the ground using the momentum of the energy to propel her forward. She landed on the roof of the homes watching as the drop ships descended lower. “Perfect.” She said jumping rooftop to rooftop to close the distance in between them. She was thankful that her time in the sky was helpful in this situation.

The MTs might have been up to date with the constant upgrades and data supplied by Verstael, but the drop ship models were ones that had a few decades behind. The newer models were sent to battles, and the older ones were stationed within the city. They might not have been as fast, but the older drop ships didn’t have to be since this was the capital and it was always heavily guarded. It was an exploit that Aranea had hoped would happen. The engine was easier to get to in the older models. The glowing energy radiating from the hull gave away their location. Charing her spear, she moved herself closer to it before striking the engine with the tip. Several explosions followed before she had to jump away. The ship started to descend, and Aranea grit her teeth praying that the people below would hear the sound of the ship and evacuate the area safely. A subsequent crash and explosion followed, yet Aranea pressed on. She couldn’t worry about the casualties or damage now, there were two more ships that needed to be downed. She did the same maneuver as before and a second drop ship fell from the sky. The last one, was a bigger model, and one that had her heart skip a beat. The emblem off to the side was unmistakable. Glauca’s personal ship.

She stopped to catch her breath as more MTs dropped out of the General’s ship surrounding her. The searchlight was steady on her from Glauca’s ship and her mouth pressed together seeing that familiar sight of bluish metal and ominous red jump out of the drop ship. The impact of Glauca’s fall had the concrete a few feet from him disintegrate into shattered pieces of rocks. “Aranea Highwind…” The voice boomed. “All this time… you were the traitor in our midst.”

To that the commodore laughed softly. “Well what can I say? Guess I have a soft spot for kids.”

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

“-I said just do it!” Verstael snarled watching the soldier cringe from his tone. “If the General or Aldercapt have an issue with it... they can speak to me personally. Make sure he is given a sedative to keep him knocked out.” No, he didn’t even want anyone seeing this boy and he covered up the boy’s face still speaking. “Take care of him… now.”

“Y-yes sir!” The soldier moved down and began to tend to the Lucian.

When Verstael was sure that he got the point across he was already aiming for the direction of his lab. “That boy…” He murmured, unable to get the image of his face out of his head. The features were unmistakable. As a scientist, he didn’t believe in fate or luck. Yet for once… he was at a loss as to how to deal with the situation. A DNA test needed to be done first to verify his thoughts, but deep down he already knew why that soldier looked so damn familiar.

Aftermath:

There had always been rumors about the King’s health. The access to the armiger did have it’s limitations along with the power of the kings. Prompto had never seen Regis use it first hand, but he knew that each time Regis blessed a Crownsguard or Kingsglaive with the power of the armiger, he lost precious time on his life. It was why the King had always described this mission as “be all to end all”. Of course Noctis being prisoner for as long as he had been was something that Regis had always wanted to change, but the cost… he had no idea it would be taken this far.

“You have nowhere to go now boy.” The voice said softly. “But worry not, you are in the place you are supposed to be.”

Prompto grit his teeth thrashing against his bonds. “I kneel before no king but Regis Lucis Caelum and his son Noctis Lucis Caelum!”

“Who is dead.” The voice reminded him. “And as for that brat… well you might have him back but even the company of your best doctors will not erase ten years under our care.” Of course he didn’t know that for sure but… they still had something that the Prince wanted. “Regardless of that… I must undo the damage that your mother has done to you. It is the only way you will be pardoned for your crimes.”

Prompto froze at the mention of his mother. Why did someone from Niflheim seem to speak so formally. No… it was a trick. The gunner laughed softly. “Is this your idea of an interrogation? Making up stories to think I’ll take the bait?” He heard a door opening behind him, but he couldn’t even turn to see who had come into the room. “You’re really bad at this…”

“Had it been anyone else, I might not have pressed the issue. But you and I… share a history together.”

Prompto didn’t recognize the voice at all though. Not wishing to give the man a reason to start his torture, he opted to keep the man talking for now. “I know no one from Niflheim.” He spat, the malicus was clear, the things that he had seen growing up, the people that suffered because of their magitek were burned into his brain. “I’m a proud Lucian! Never would I apologize to Niflheim scum!”

“That is no way to speak of the land of your birth, Prompto.”

The gunner’s breath hitched when the man said his name. He could have blamed it on his ID being taken, or even the Crownsguard uniform but he knew that all officers that had been tasked with this operation had all of their personal belongings left back home. So with that knowledge in the back of his mind… how had this man figured out his name? Now he was trying to look at the figure from his peripheral vision.

“It seems I’ve gotten your attention now.” The voice mused. “I’m glad she didn’t change your name. You were born in these halls, I held you in my hands. You were destined to be a scientist and know the best of cutting edge technology. But your mother… a coward unwilling to embrace the power of my research took you and fled. I had wondered where she had taken you too.” He snorted. “Lucis would have been the last place I expected.” But in hindsight it did make the most sense.

“Who…. who the hell are you?” Prompto choked out. The man finally stood in front of him and what he saw made his face pale as he came face to face with a man that looked so much like him. The freckles dotting his face, the blonde hair, the blue eyes burning back at him.

Verstael summoned a gun from his own armiger. Unlike Prompto’s weapons though, the magic that came from it was glowing red rather than blue. He pointed the barrel at Prompto’s face wrestling with what to do about the situation. “Hello... my son.”

[wondershawns]

2 & 37 with mafia!raul please and like raul says the thingssss pleaseeee! love ya 💙

A/N: This is honestly more of a draft than an actual fic. I didn’t go over it and I won’t get time to any time soon, so hopefully it’s still readable. The prompts were ��I didn’t know you drink.” “I don’t.” and “You really need to stop drinking. I’m serious.”

.

You understood the extent of the word mafia when you were eight. It was the first and only time of your life that you walked into your father’s hidden office in the basement without being invited in. You would never be able to erase that image from your mind, the sight of the man with his head hanging down, blood dripping down his body and on your father’s hand, it haunted you every time you knocked on that door.

You learned how to put up with it as you grew up, you limited your involvement as much as you could because you had done your research, and the more you read the more scared you became of your own family. You couldn’t confront them directly, you had asked some questions and got shot down as a child, so your strategy evolved with time. You were barely involved, just enough to be trusted but not enough to ever have a decision to make. You were an only child, the only daughter of a highly respected and powerful man, and it meant you could rarely just fade away in the background.

Any event like a birthday was an excuse for other families to be invited, it was used politically to invite allies and almost trusted people. Raul’s family was close enough to yours to always be invited, but never trusted enough to become allies.

On any other day your uncle’s birthday would have been a good excuse to spend some time with Raul, mixing up with other people was encouraged during those times, and he was always your favorite person to spend time with.

Ever since you had been old enough to feel it there had been a lot of sexual tension between you both, Raul was too hot for his own good but you both knew nothing could ever happen. Anything that happened between you would bring your families too close, it wasn’t an option, but the tension was always there. You teased the hell out of each other on some nights, but it never went further than jokes, it couldn’t.

“Princess,” He greeted you with a smirk, knowing you hated the nickname. He thought it suited you, you didn’t have siblings to share anything with, you were the family’s princess, the only daughter the future depended on.

“My night is bad enough as it is.” You cut him off before he began teasing you and making his stupid comments.

Raul was slightly taken aback by your reaction, and his eyes widened even more when he saw you grab a drink. You were the only person he ever saw stick to soda at those events. You hated alcohol with a passion, and the last thing you wanted in the middle of these people was to have your inhibitions lower.

“I didn’t know you drink.” He observed as you downed half of the glass.

“I don’t.” You turned around to leave and politely made conversation with other people in the crowd when they came up to you.

Raul kept an eye on you from a distance, you were the opposite of the girl he had grown to know over the years. You were smart and bubbly, you didn’t drink because you knew you needed to keep up an act when people were around, and he was surprised with how reckless you were when you were usually so careful.

You finished drink after drink, and your alcohol tolerance was so low Raul that could see them hitting you. Your eyes darted across the room, and you zoned out when people talked to you.

“Princess, come over here.” He took you out of that situation, excusing you quickly before you said something you’d regret. “What’s wrong?”

“Everything’s great.” You shrugged him off and moved over to the bar where shots were lined up.

“The way you’re acting kinda contradicts what you’re saying.” He had stopped drinking the second you started, he couldn’t be tipsy if you were going to be a wreck.

You didn’t answer and looked at him as you took two more shots.

“I don’t give a fuck anymore. This is all bullshit anyway.”

“You really need to stop drinking. I’m serious.” He saw you go for another couple and knocked one of your hand as he tried to take it from you, but you still managed to drink the other one.

“And why the hell do you care?” You glared at him, trying to reach for another drink and failing when he stopped you.

“Let’s get you out of here.” He took your hand and guided you through the crowd.

“I’m fine, stop!” You tried to take your hand back when he managed to get you outside.

“You can barely walk.” He didn’t let go of your hand, instead he lightly pushed your shoulder and made you stumble to prove his point. “You shouldn’t be in there.”

“Why? It’s all my life is ever gonna be.”

“Don’t say that,” He walked you into a small alley, somewhere where no one could hear you on the way to a safe place.

“It’s true.” You refused to look at him, staring straight ahead of you.

“It’s not. You’ve never been involved, you’re just there because you have to be for now, but it’s not all your life can be.”

You stayed silent as you followed him, your feet hurting in your heels while goosebumps rose all over your body from the cold. Raul slowed down to match your pace, and he sighed when he noticed you shiver.

“Here, princess, you’re going to get sick.” He made you stop and shrugged his jacket off.

“I already feel sick.” You slid it over your arms and he adjusted it over your shoulders.

“Yeah, that’s what happens when you drink too much, I’ll get you something to eat when we’re home, we’re not far.” He linked his hand with yours again to keep you steady all the way to his apartment.

You sat on his couch moments later, your shoes somewhere near his front door as you tried to get rid of a horrible headache.

“Did you count how many drinks you had?” Raul placed a sandwich in front of you with a glass of water, hoping the bread would absorb the alcohol to help you sober up.

“I think I’m gonna be sick.” You murmured instead of answering, and he watched you rush to his bathroom with a sigh.

Your stomach churned and cramped up as it emptied, your head hanging over the toilet bowl.

“It’s alright, it’s alright,” Raul opened a window before he rubbed your back, watching you struggle to fill your lungs in between the contractions of your muscles. “Better out than in at this stage, it’s okay princess.” He kept your hair out of the way, waiting for you to be done.

You didn’t move for a while, your arms trembling and your eyes full of tears. Raul stood up and ran a cloth under the faucet, letting the fabric absorb the cold water before he twisted it to get rid of excess water.

“Here you go,” He handed it to you, letting you clean your face as he left to find a glass. “Drink something.”

“I don’t wanna be sick again.” You shook your head, your back slumped against the wall as you held the wet cloth to your forehead.

“Water will help, I promise. Just take small sips, okay?”

You nodded vaguely and accepted the glass, drinking from it before he found you a clean toothbrush to get rid of the acidic taste in your mouth. You changed into the clothes he brought you, carelessly getting rid of your dress and underwear in front of him to put large sweatpants and an oversized shirt on.

.

“Better?” Raul asked you after you managed to finish the sandwich.

“Thanks,” You nodded. “Sorry I’m such a mess,” You added, rubbing your hands over your face. You were definitely never drinking again.

“Are you going to tell me what put you in that state?”

“I fucking hate my family.” You started, which wasn’t news to Raul, he was in a situation similar to yours, but he was better at hiding it.

“Yeah, I know that,” He wasn’t surprised, but he wanted to know what exactly made you snap. You were already blinking tears away and looking away from him, but Raul wasn’t done with the questions. “What happened?”

“All I wanted was to make sure I never got blood on my hands.” You swallowed heavily, and Raul’s heart tightened in his chest.

“What did they make you do?” He wished he knew how to comfort you, and if he could he’d punch whoever got you in a situation.

“Nothing, I- I did something stupid on my own, I just- I didn’t think-” You stuttered, struggling to put the words together.

“Hey, hey look at me,” Raul took your hand. “Look at me princess, it’s gonna be alright.”

“I didn’t have a choice,” You eyes were full of tears, and a few drops rolled down your cheeks.

“I know,” He soothed you. “It’s okay, just tell me what happened.”

“They were- they were looking for that guy, and they only had two locations, and one was so logical, I just wanted to make sure they wouldn’t find him.” You words got caught in your throat.

“It’s alright,” He murmured again, rubbing his thumb over the back of your hand.

“I thought he was there for sure so I- I made them change their minds and go to the other one.”

“And he was there,” Raul guessed and you nodded.

“I just- I thought- I was trying to help.” You wiped your cheeks, but it did nothing to hide the tears flooding your cheeks.

“I know princess,” He tugged on your hand and wrapped his arms around you, pulling you against his chest.

“I didn’t mean to.”

“I know, it’s okay,” He rubbed your back. “It wasn’t your fault, you did the right thing, you were just trying to help.”

“It wasn’t the right thing.” You denied, you had caused this man’s death, they found him because of you. It was your fault.

“It’s not the first time you do it, and it worked all those other times. It was a good call, and they would have ended up finding him anyway. You gotta know that, you gotta know it’s not your fault.” Raul rested his chin on top of your head.

“I should have known better.”

“You couldn’t know. You did your best. It wasn’t your fault,” He rocked you from side to side as you sobbed against his chest. “Listen to me princess, it wasn’t your fault. What our families do… it’s not us, okay? That’s not who you are, I know it, you’re not like them.”

“I feel so trapped.” You choked on a sob, you had tried to find a way out for years, and you were still stuck in this horrible situation.

“I know, it’s hard, but you’ve got to know you’re not like them. You need to remember that, because you’re doing so much better, and I won’t let you fall into what they do, ever.”

“How?” You sniffled against his chest.

“I’m gonna find something,” He kissed the top of your head, his thumb caressing the back of your neck. “I want to get out of there too, I’m gonna get us both out. I just need a little bit more time.”

“How would you even help me?” You pulled away, wiping at your cheeks. “We can barely be friends.”

“You think that’s gonna stop me? Listen princess, I’ve known you for years and I’m as tired as you are. If I can get myself out of that mess one way or another, I’m taking you with me.”

“I just- I can’t find how.”

“We’ll find something, together, tomorrow, when you’re sober. You need to sleep first.”

“I don’t wanna go home.”

“You’re staying here.” He got up, prompting you to follow him. “Come on.”

You let him tuck you into his bed, getting comfortable before he slid into his side next to you.

“Are you tired?” He turned to his side, watching you stare at the ceiling before you tilted your head to look at him.

“Not really,” You curled yourself into a ball, and he stayed silent for a while, adjusting the covers on top of him. “Raul?” You whispered.

“Yeah?”

“Can I come closer?”

“Yeah,” He let you shuffle all the way to his side, your head on his pillow and your face only inches from his.

He slung his arm around you to steady you close to him, and he didn’t say a word as you placed a hand on his cheek.You inched your face closer carefully until your lips were on his, and they moved together carefully.

“Princess,” Raul brought himself to pull away, trying his hardest not to kiss you again. “You’ve had a lot on your plate today already, and you’re still drunk.”

“Sorry,” You hid your face by looking down.

“It’s alright,” He kissed your forehead. “Go to sleep, and we’ll talk in the morning.”

He didn’t want you to move away, he had wanted this with you for far too long, but it didn’t feel right. You had been drinking for the first time, you cried because of what happened yesterday, and if he was going to be with you it wouldn’t be like this.

Raul cared about you. He had grown up with you, in a way, and you had bonded over your views of the world. Ever since you turned fourteen you had solid plans to run away, sometimes on your own, sometimes together, but none of them were viable. You grew up and stopped talking about it together, but now that you both had a chance to build something of your own Raul was determined to succeed.

He wouldn’t let your family trap you, he wouldn’t watch it destroy you, he wouldn’t listen to you cry with horror written on your face ever again. He was going to find a solution, for himself and for you.

“Okay,” You murmured and hid your face in his chest as you snuggled close to him.

“Go to sleep princess, we’re going to sort this out. I promise.”

.

tags: @itrocksmysocks @r3ader @everythinghappening16 @sunrise-shawn @alilovesshawn @5-seconds-of-mendes @sleepybesson @definitelynotshawnmendes @chrizzy95 @sunrisebrashx @justanotherfangurl272 @turtoix @mariamuses @tastebaldwin @enchantingbrowneyedgirl @queenmxndes @wildflowerfeast @imaginashawnns @falliningrace @shawnsheaven @heart-struck @thotmendes @luvluvxx @brokeninsidebutnobodyknows @babieforshawnn @breakingblondiee @zaahidahhh @tnhmblive @learning-howto-be-myselfx3 @adelaidestreets @palhacomendes @muffin-saucex @lanallaa @goldenmndes@fanficshawn @lostinmendess @connordavidscamera @dolansugar @shawnsthighs @valedictorian65 @havethetimeeofyourlifee @train-wrecc (let me know if you’d like to be added!)

[millennial-ring]

I wanna ask about: 25: The Horror of Our Love, 12: It never rained in hell and 8-10 about Haunted! Please and Thankyou!!!

            25. The Horror of Our Love

SO!!!! This one is actually incredibly recent (within the last month or so) and as much as I want to talk at length about it, I’m going to be a bit more reserved because I do hope to finish and publish it some day, and don’t really want to spoil it. It’s a pre-established relationship deathshipping fic where Ryou writes very special love notes to Kek.

            12. It never rained in Hell

Do you want to hear about Hazbin Hotel fic? Because this is a Hazbin WIP. (please don’t unfollow me for liking Hazbin lol) Another super short one with only a few paragraphs where nothing actually happens. Sometimes I start writing something because I have a sentence stuck in my head that would be a good opener, but it doesn’t lead into anything special. (That’s why I’m meticulous about outlines and ideas now).

Hell didn’t have weather. At least, not in the traditional sense of the word. It had a day and night cycle, and seasons, at least, most sinners figured it must. After all, the sky darkened and lightened at regular intervals, and the air got a little chillier in the months they called winter, and the already warm temperatures rose during the months they called summer. But weather was a different matter. They didn’t get thunderstorms, or tornado, or hail, or rain, or snow. They didn’t really even get wind. 

Despite the lack of storms, every so often the sky -was it even a sky? There were stars, the pentagram moon, but the horizon was red as blood and sometimes looked more like a ceiling than the vast expanse of space they knew from their life prior to dying - darkened with heavy clouds as red as the rest of Hell, like blood-soaked cotton. They were thick as it, too, blocking out the stars and moon and the top floors of the higher buildings with ease, but they never broke and released the downpour they seemed to promise.

Angel Dust hated days like this.

I don’t remember if it was going to be anything -maybe a drabble to share in a discord server I’m in, maybe something to do with an AU I have there, idk. 

               8-10. Haunted Stuff

Haunted... (takes a long drag from a cigarette) Now there’s a name I haven’t heard in a long time. Jk jk, I actually think about Haunted almost daily and I still have plans to finish it. What I have left of the outline is...rough, and it’s going to take a lot of work to make it readable, so that’s sort of put me off of it but anyway!  “haunted chapter 0 ideas and outline” is exactly what it sounds like. This is the document that has all the chapter outlines, and basic future ideas for chapters, or dialogue, descriptions of various things I want to include. Also, if you’re curious, it looks like this

because as I’m working on a chapter I cross it out so I don’t lose my place and, once I’m done with a chapter I, I make the font as tiny as possible. I always forget this when I open it and then think it’s glitched.

“haunted last chapter rough“ is also exactly what it sounds like. I had an idea for how I wanted to end the fic a loooong time ago, and had a few descriptions and phrases I wanted to remember for when that time came, so I started writing them down. It soon turned into something resembling an actual chapter, though of course it will be rewritten when the time comes. I read through it, wanting to at least give a sentence teaser, but pretty much every sentence is spoiler territory so...yeeeah noooo

Haunted chapter 33 rough - wow I’m so good at titling WIPs with exactly what they are! This is, you guessed it, the rough first draft of chapter 33 of Haunted. I could give a few sentences for this, but none of the opening bits are that interesting, and the rest of the chapter I don’t want to spoil. So, hm...

Malik’s lips twitched in the barest hint of a smile. He returned to the kitchen, placing the fourth plate in the microwave in the hopes of keeping it warm while he was downstairs. He retrieved a bottle of raspberry kefir from the fridge, grabbed the fifth plate and, with a nod in Bakura’s direction, turned and made his way to the hallway that would lead him to the basement.

That works.

[saiilorstars]

The Fairy Tale Memoirs

Author’s Note: This is part of a one-shot/AU companion story to Stars Dance & Falling in Temptation that features Avalon Reynolds and the Doctor (from 9th-13th Doctor) along with other companions + Lena Reynolds.

// Current Masterlist //

taglist: @ocfairygodmother @anotherunreadblog

Ch. 3: Found

Summary: Avalon watches her daughter grow up into a teenager. She just doesn't realize that Aurora knows more than she leads on.

A/N: An AU based on the last chapter of Falling in Temptation.

~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~

On Aurora's 100th birthday, her grandmother River brought her to Akhaten. She explained the importance of the planet as soon as they got there: Akhaten was the spot her father promised to bring her mother to. He never got the chance but it was only right that one Reynolds see it. River promised Aurora that the Doctor would want nothing more than to know that his daughter got to visit the planet.

Aurora was amazed by the different sight. She had never been off planet so she was very proud to know at least half of the species she saw. She was as fast as her father on her feet, leaving River out of breath several times. She wanted to see everything and try everything - she had inherited her father's knack for tasting everything and anything. Like Avalon, she had an attitude that put her in arguments with people several centuries older than her. River knew that she should've disapproved but the sight of seeing her little granddaughter - who was nothing more than a small child - argue the hell out of a grumpy old man was far too amusing. That was definitely all Avalon. There was one significant thing that River took great notice of in her granddaughter. What Aurora saw did not work, she talked about making it work. Whether it was a couple machines she noticed sparking or an intangible system like making lines for a shop, if it did not work then Aurora would talk about fixing it. It made River smile. That was uniquely Aurora.

"I like building things," the little girl would shrug and say each time River asked her that day why she was so focused on brainstorming ideas to fix whatever she saw wrong.

When the day finished and Aurora came home, she stayed up all night telling her mother everything she saw. Avalon let her talk throughoutthe night. The mother and daughter laid on one bed that night with Aurora rambling on and on about Akhaten. At 100, Aurora was more than aware that her lifespan would allow for centuries and centuries of potential adventures. She promised to bring her mother to Akhaten when she was older.

That brought Avalon to tears.

"I know that Daddy promised he would take you but if he doesn't ever come back, I'll take you," Aurora shifted on the bed to face her mother, a clear older version of herself.

Avalon smiled sadly. "Oh princess, that'd be nice but it's okay. I don't need to go anywhere. I'm good where I am."

"But I'm going to go one day," Aurora said with an impossibly big grin. "I'm going to go to all the places in the world! I'm going to see everything and fix whatever I can to help!"

Aurora would continue to excitedly announce the galaxies she would see one day, never knowing the fear it instilled in her mother. As much as she would love for Aurora to explore the world, Avalon couldn't let go of the fear that the Silence would capture Aurora in one of those adventures. She did not want to keep her daughter locked up but she didn't want any harm to come to her either. What would she do?

As Aurora continued to grow, she started making a list of possible places to see when she was a legitimate adult. Not even the continuous moves would affect her anymore. Avalon always put on her best supportive face whenever Aurora talked about a new place to visit. Even when River would take Aurora out somewhere completely safe, Avalon was a nervous wreck. She didn't want anything to happen to Aurora.

One hundred years turned into 200 and by that time, Aurora resembled the appearance of a young girl. From a human perspective, though, she was a teenager. Fourteen years old is what Aurora's brain scans said. She was at the beginning of her teenage-hood and while Avalon prepared herself for a troubled teenage-hood resembling her own, Aurora turned out to be the opposite.

Where Avalon was impulsive and a loud mouth, Aurora was quiet and sneaky. If she had a problem, she dealt with it discreetly. She was quick but learned quite well how to pretend to move like the other students. She learned the cues of social life and when she chose to follow them, she was a natural. Almost graceful. She was adept at pretending, something neither of her parents ever mastered. Although it pained her to think about it, Avalon felt sure that if something happened to her - if the Silence ever caught up to her and Aurora was left alone, Aurora would have enough skills to hide herself. This was Avalon's second backup plan. If the plan of River hiding Aurora fell through, Aurora could still fend for herself. It was a horrible way of thinking but it was a neccessary way too.

Aurora loved travelling so it only seemed right to believe that she would be able to handle things on her own if something happened to her mother. However, all of a sudden, Aurora seemed to drop the idea of travelling. Whether or not she still wanted to, she never said, but Avalon got the jist when Aurora started expressing a desire to go to a local university after she finished her schooling.

"I'm just saying if you would like to see a college maybe off-planet, then I would be just fine with that," Avalon would smile to her daughter as convincingly as possible.

Aurora would simply shake her head. "Nope, I'm good. I found out that there's a university with a really good engineering program in the next city. I don't need to go off planet. I can stay right here with you." She reached across the isle to grab her strawberry milkshake Avalon finished making. With no cherry on top she gladly drank from the straw.

Avalon drank from her own milkshake. "Well you still have time. Plenty of it."

Aurora shrugged. "Yeah, we'll see." She eyed the mess of papers on the edge of the isle and from a quick glance, she knew what they were. "Are you writing again?"

Avalon quickly set the papers in a neat stack. "Just the usual short stories."

"Right," Aurora kept the sour tone hidden very well. She knew the short stories were used to get them by and that the real stories her mother wrote, the full books, were never going to see the light of day.

The subtle sourness would turn into bitterness when Aurora turned 16 in human terms. By that point, she was aware of everything that went on around her. She was a competent, intelligent woman. She'd learned how to navigate on her own without her mother's knowledge.

She would make sure to come home on time even when things begged to be seen and explored. She owed her mother that much. She was a law abiding citizen and a stellar student, everything to not give her mother any worries.

Avalon was too busy looking over her shoulder to notice anything. She busied herself with keeping them hidden like always. While Aurora was at school, she would do quick trips for the groceries, trips to her job to drop off new short stories, any other miscellaneous errands and then be home long before Aurora was due home from school.

Today she was busying herself with a new short story. She had a cup of tea sitting beside her while she worked through the drafts. It was like any other day...until she heard a noise.

She rubbed her forehead, thinking it was just a trick her mind was playing. It wouldn't be the first time. She picked up her pen to keep writing but three words down and the sound wasn't going away. It was actually getting louder.

"Absolutely no way," she whispered with a hammering heart. She got out of her stool and sprinted towards the door, all the meanwhile her heart prepared to burst from her chest. "No, no, no, no, no—" She opened the door to find the Doctor on the other side.

He had the decency to be nervous. He was fidgety and since Avalon only stared at him, he had nothing else to go by.

And then suddenly, she slapped him. Hard.

"Yeah...I had that coming." The next time he met her gaze, she was blazing with fury. "Ava—"

She slapped him again. "I thought you were dead," her voice was trembling as was the rest of her body. "I thought...I didn't know what to think sometimes." The Doctor nodded silently, only listening to her for the first minutes. "I didn't know if you were still fighting the Silence or if they'd killed you...or if you'd just moved on."

"No," he spoke up as soon as she said that. "I would never be able to. I had to fight until every last Silent was gone."

Avalon stared at him with no readable expression. Her eyes were shiny but not one tear had fallen. Her frazzled brain was trying to make the connection she'd just heard. "They're gone?"

The Doctor nodded. "Yes. Every last one of them. It took me 200 years but I got them. They're not going to hurt you or your family ever again."

Avalon swallowed hard. They're gone. Her mind raced with thoughts and a whirlwind of feelings. They'regonethey'regone. Her legs buckled.

The Doctor reached forwards to catch her as she collapsed. She fell against his chest and instead of pushing him away, she retreated into him. Her eyes squeezed shut.

"They're gone, they're really gone?" She sniffed.

The Doctor wrapped his arms around her body. "Yes, I promise. I'm so sorry it took me this long. I know you must be angry with me."

Avalon pulled away suddenly, her eyes flickering to the TARDIS sitting in her front garden. She shook her head and pulled him inside. She had no idea what she was doing but for now, they needed to be inside. She made a conscious quick zip through the living room — there were pictures in there that she wasn't ready to explain — into the kitchen.

"How did you find me?" she asked. She let go of his arm once they were in the kitchen.

"There was a sudden read of vortex energy," the Doctor said distractedly. He was studying the kitchen and found it to be quite normal. He always pictured Avalon living extravagantly. There was a white isle in the middle of the room with a matching white counter behind. Odd mugs lined the wall on the left side of the sink. He eyed some strange princess plates in the dish dryer.

"Vortex energy?" Avalon frowned. "I...I think I would've noticed if I suddenly leaked Vortex energy."

"Uh, the energy signatures were clear. It was brief and spontaneous but high enough for the TARDIS to sense it. She was adamant we come here." His eyes eventually found the papers on the isle. "You're writing," he smiled and met her gaze. "Do you write books now?"

Avalon's shake of head was nervous. "N-no."

The Doctor raised an eyebrow at her. There was no reason to be nervous with him. If anything, she should be angry with him. That's what he prepared himself for when he caught the reading of the vortex. He knew it had to have been her so he gathered the courage to come find her. But she wasn't angry. She was just...like that.

"It's been nearly 250 years for me," she said quietly.

"I'm so sorry," he sighed. "I swear I didn't want anything like this to happen. I didn't want to leave you. I love you. I never wanted to hurt you."

Once more, instead of being reproached with anger, Avalon took it all with a few shaky nods. "I understand." Because she literally understood his reasoning. She'd done the same.

"Really?" The Doctor knew that he could take the easy win but something about Avalon's eerie calm attitude unsettled him. He took a few steps towards her until she was locked between him and the counter. He looked into her eyes, her sweet blue eyes that he'd missed so much, and searched for any clue of what she was hiding.

"Why did you come back?" she asked. She was aware of how close they were.

His hands moved to rest on either side of her on the counter. He leaned down enough so that when he answered, she would feel his breath. "Because you're my Ava." His words caused a ripple of warmth over her chest. "I had to at least try to win you back. Am I too late? Is there someone else?"

If she wasn't so shaken, she would've laughed in his face. How could there ever be someone else? "I've been on my own."

"No," he said suddenly, pulling away from her to head for the sink.

Avalon blinked. "What?"

"You said you've been on your own but that's not true." He started pointing at the line of mugs and then the dishes in the sink. "There's too much stuff around for just one person. Someone else lives here..." He met Avalon's gaze, her nervous gaze. "Don't they?"

~0~

Aurora walked down the street of her home. She was carrying a few books in her arms that she was trying to put away into her bookbag. She didn't need her mother finding out what she was doing. It would end with the grounding of a life time.

She was stuffing the last of her books into her bag when she came into her front garden and saw a bright blue box standing there. Her book fell to the ground.

She rushed up to the blue box and touched the police sign. "You wouldn't happen to be...?"

One of the doors creaked open. Aurora stepped back and watched as the other door opened for her. The soft orange glow slowly brought her in.

"O-oh..." She had stepped inside to see the console room. It was a bright orange, just like her mother had said. It was shiny with glass floors and those odd circles on the walls just like her mother had said.

Aurora swallowed down as she carefully made her way towards the console. Her hand gingerly brushed over the controls. "It's really you..." She breathed in.

Suddenly, a hum rose from the center. Aurora jumped back but after a few more hums she realized what it was.

"You're the TARDIS. You...you let me in," she glanced at the open doors. "Do you know who I am?" She remembered her mother saying the TARDIS could open and close her doors at her will. She chose who to let in, including the Doctor himself.

Oh my God, the Doctor.

Aurora's eyes widened. "He's here," she whispered. She heard another hum. "Listen, I'm...I'm Aurora. You're my..." she languidly pointed at the time rotor, "...my grandmother. And-and the Doctor...he's my..."

The TARDIS hummed rather sadly. Aurora was sure that it was a sad hum. She always asked her mother how she knew what type of hums the TARDIS gave. Avalon would simply say that she just knew. Aurora would snort. Turns out her mother was right.

Her thoughts were interrupted when a song started playing. It took her only a second to realize what it was. She laughed.

"Very funny." She folded her arms as Once Upon a Dream continued to play. "You should know that my favorite princess is Mulan." She smiled to herself as she started making a round on the console. "I too stood out." She stopped when she spotted a couple of things hanging out from a drawer underneath. She bent down and saw some miscellaneous things inside. A cellphone, a ball of yarn, a keychain, a magnifying glass and a stethoscope. She pulled out the stethoscope and played with it. "You wouldn't happen to know where he is, right?"

The TARDIS hummed dutifully.

Aurora smiled smugly. "Yeah, I ask questions even though I already know the answers. Does he do that too?" Yet another question she already knew the answer to.

~0~

He had no right to demand any answers from Avalon. He chose to leave which meant she had every right to move on. So why was he still standing in her kitchen when it was so clear that someone else lived with her now?

Avalon felt her tongue was literally twisted. She couldn't come out and say the truth even when he asked her directly...and more than once.

"Ava, if you want me to leave, I'll do it," the Doctor said, holding back his sigh. "I never meant to hurt you. I just wanted to keep you safe." He ducked his head and left the room.

"Doctor, wait!" Avalon hurried after him. "I-I don't know how to say it—" She abruptly crashed into his back.

He'd felt a buzz in his pocket and pulled out his sonic to see it whirring alive. "What the...?" He checked the readings and soon knew what it was. He spun around to face Avalon. "Someone's in my TARDIS." He saw a visible trace of fear in her eyes. She knew. "Who's in my TARDIS?"

Avalon's eyes flickered to the clock on the wall. She gulped.

The Doctor didn't wait for her to answer. He turned away and hurried for the door.

"Doctor!" Avalon once again chased after him.

The Doctor flung the door open to run out and catch whoever was trying to mess with his TARDIS. He found a young girl with long ginger hair. She was of average height and wore a simple dark blue button up shirt with a brown cardigan and black jeans. Though her hair was in neat, casual waves, there was something oddly familiar about it. Her eyes were a nice green shade. Familiar too.

The Doctor raised an eyebrow at the girl, warranting some explanation of her presence and much more about her intrusion in the TARDIS. Instead of seeming nervous or even scared, she simply held out his stethoscope to him.

"She just let me in...like she knew even before..." she said, still sounding like she was in awe. Her expression certainly said she was.

"Aurora," Avalon breathed in. Tears were shining in her eyes.

"It's okay Mum," Aurora studied the Doctor's immediate reaction to her word. "I'm okay." Her hearts may be threatening to stop beating altogether but she was fine. Since the Doctor was frozen to his spot, she had to nod at him to take the stethoscope from her. When he still did nothing, her lips curved into a smirk. "Scared?"

It was like he was seeing Avalon in front of him. A challenger. He looked back at Avalon who couldn't string two words together. She brought her hand up to her mouth and cried behind it.

"Mum, it's okay," Aurora reiterated, offering her mother a kind smile. "I'm not upset. None of it is your fault." Her eyes locked with the Doctor again. "I want to talk to him, if that's alright...?"

The Doctor had no choice but to nod. Avalon turned away and hurried into the house. Aurora truly didn't seem fazed by her mother's behavior. She had come to terms with the reality of their situation a long time ago which left her plenty of time to plan for this moment.

"You are...?" the Doctor started when Aurora forced the stethoscope into his hand. She pushed her hair behind her shoulders and motioned him to use the stethoscope on her.

"You need to do that first," she ordered.

The Doctor silently did that. He put on the stethoscope and readied it, all in the meanwhile of holding Aurora's stare. He gingerly pressed the end of the stethoscope to her chest and heard one heartbeat. Strong and healthy.

Just as he was about to pull it away, she spoke up. "Your left."

He gave her a look but her eyes left no room for such discussion to be made. He moved the diaphragm to her left and heard the second heartbeat. She almost laughed at his reaction.

"Hi Dad," she said calmly instead, if only to see how he would react to that too.

"You're...?" He was essentially left without air. He looked her over from head to toe until he rested on her eyes once again. His eyes.

She raised an eyebrow at him. "You're late." Her mother's words right out of her lips.

The Doctor swallowed hard as he yanked the stethoscope out of his ears. "You're my...you're..."

Aurora raised a hand to shake with his. "Aurora Leigh Reynolds," she introduced herself with a much less playful tone. "Though to the people in this area, it's Aurora Smith."

With a trembling hand, the Doctor took Aurora's to shake. As soon as their hands connected, he felt a jolt kickstart his entire system. His daughter. "You're my daughter," he said, heaving a heavy sigh. "I...how could I not know...?"

"Because Mum did a very good job of hiding me from the Silence," Aurora's knowledge about the order froze the Doctor. Her eyes flickered past him to the open door behind them. "Mum doesn't know that I know, but I wouldn't be her daughter — and yours — if I didn't go searching for answers. She used to tell me that the reason we moved a lot was because she wanted to see cities. I believed her as a kid but then I started to realize that she didn't move because of her, she moved us because of me. I'm too much of a freak not to be noticed—"

That damn word continued to be a nuisance for the Ponds. It broke the Doctor's hearts on the spot to hear it come out of Aurora's lips to describe herself. Avalon used to do it all the time. "No, you're not. You're not a freak. You're..."

"Unique?" Aurora smiled sourly. "Yeah, I've heard that. Grandma River says that's what Mum and I are. But the point here is that it's because of me that Mum had to keep moving, had to always look over her shoulder to make sure nobody noticed me. She did a very good job, so much of a good job that she stopped living her life because of me."

The Doctor lowered his head. He knew exactly what Aurora meant. Avalon had prioritized Aurora — no doubt since the beginning — above anything else. That's why she wasn't upset with him...because what he has done for Avalon, she'd done the for Aurora. She made the sacrifices she needed in order to keep Aurora safe.

Aurora watched him process everything she'd said and for a moment, she felt pity for him. He had to accept the fact that not only had he missed out on her life but he had to learn what her mother had done for her sake. "C'mon," she grabbed his hand and led him inside the house. She couldn't ignore the warmth of his hand in hers. She had always wondered what it would be like to hold her father's hand and get a hug from him. She felt ridiculous now that she remembered that as a child she used to wonder what it would be like if he spun her around like a princess.

"Au...Aurora," the Doctor said once they were inside the living room. Aurora turned around and watched him test her name out in his lips. "Aurora Leigh...it's a beautiful name," he smiled at her.

Aurora didn't know what to do with herself in that moment. She folded her arms over her chest but it resembled more like she was trying to hug herself. "Aurora because of, you know...princess...but do you know what 'Leigh' means?"

"Uh, no, I don't..."

"In Celtic it means 'healer'..." Aurora lowered her gaze, "Healer as in...doctor. She named me after you."

Warmth blossomed in his chest. "No," he said suddenly, making her gaze rise again. "Your name is a blend of your mother and I. Aurora is for Avalon. It was the first story she told me of when she was a child. It was the story that brought us together when she was grown up. That story followed us to our last day together."

Something flickered across Aurora's eyes. It was almost like fascination, a deep awe that she just learned something new about her parents and it was her father who shared that knowledge. "I never thought of that. I just thought 'princess' and..." She shook her head and tucked some of her hair behind her ears. She took her book bag off and tossed it to the couch.

"Are you...?" The Doctor presumed. He wanted to know everything about her in that moment. How old was she? What did she like to eat? Did she like milkshakes like her mother? Did she hate pears like him? There were so many questions he had no idea where to begin.

"I'm glad you found me," she suddenly said, flashing him a smile when he blinked.

"What?"

"Time Vortex?" She raised her hand and allowed it to glow gold for a few seconds. "I've been trying to, um, make something. Mum said you always carried this little, um..."

The Doctor quickly pulled out his sonic screwdriver for her to see. As soon as she laid eyes on it, she beamed. His hearts warmed. "You were trying to make one?"

She nodded, almost looking mesmerized by the sonic. "Yeah, um...with some modifications. I like building things. I thought maybe I could make something similar to it but infuse it with my own energy. At the very least I could use it to draw you in...if you were still alive."

"Oh, Aurora, that could've been very dangerous."

"Which is exactly why I didn't tell Mum. I told you that I know everything and I had enough. I'm almost going to be an adult and it's time Mum got some of her life back."

"How old are you?"

"250."

The Doctor scoffed. "Hardly an adult. You're a teenager."

"I am an adult!" she stomped her foot. The Doctor smirked. She rolled her eyes. "It's not the point. I realized Mum gave up her life for me. She hasn't done anything except look after me and make sure that nobody realized I was here."

"Yeah, I can imagine she did," the Doctor nodded. "Because it's what I would've done too."

"But I don't want her to keep doing that. She doesn't have friends because of me. She doesn't go out and I know that she loved going out. Even her job...it's not what she wants. I know that she could write the best selling books out there but because it would draw attention to us, she doesn't do it. She doesn't visit Earth, she hardly sees my great grandparents. She doesn't travel at all. Dad..." She lowered her gaze almost fearfully, like she was waiting for the Doctor to scold her for the use of that word, "I need help. I need you."

The Doctor exhaled deeply. "I would do anything for you," the words fell out out of his mouth.

Aurora raised her gaze with shiny eyes. "Really?" Her voice shook. "You don't even know me."

"Your my daughter," he took a few steps towards her. "You're me, you're Avalon...you're ours. You don't understand how much I already love you." Aurora could barely swallow the lump in her throat. "And you have no idea how sorry I am for not being here with you."

Aurora felt like she was unraveling into her child self. Everything that could've been she was imagining. "I, uh, I used to wish that you were here so we could play. I loved playing princess."

The Doctor smiled softly. "Oh, I bet you did. Aurora?"

"Actually, I like Mulan. I like the swords," she bit her lip as a laugh threatened to slip out. "Plus, a cool talking dragon. I want one for a pet, actually."

The Doctor did laugh though. "That's more of your mother peeking out."

"Grandma Amy said the same thing." Aurora licked her lips nervously as she prepared to make her next question. "Are you...are you going to stay now? With Mum and I?" She searched his face for any clue of what his answer would be. "Please don't leave," she said quickly. "I-I don't want you to leave us, please!" She threw her arms around him and sniffled.

The Doctor wrapped his arms around her tightly. A fierce protectiveness flourished within him. Nothing would ever hurt her, not even him. He loved her to the moon and back. "Hey, hey, hey," he ran his hands through her hair. It really was like he was holding another version of Avalon. This was one was a young, more scared version but with stars in her eyes and an obvious glint of mischief. "I'm here, sweetheart. No matter what happens, I'm not leaving you again." He kissed the top of her head. "Your my princess."

Aurora's tear-stained face formed a smile. "Mum used to say that when I was a kid. She wasn't your princess anymore, I was."

The Doctor chuckled. "Yeah? I think she may have been right."

"Then I told her that she was your Queen instead."

"Above and beyond."

Aurora raised her head to meet her father's gaze. The same eyes stared at each other. "I love you, Dad. I've never been able to say that."

"I love you too, princess," he kissed her forehead. "Now I have to go speak with your Mum."

She nodded. "Yeah, okay." He let her go and headed for the hallway, only stopping when Aurora called after him. "If Mum says that she's okay, don't believe her. She's been by herself ever since you left."

The Doctor assured her that he wouldn't believe Avalon's lies. He continued on his way, stopping by the door that had quiet sniffles on the other side. He knocked gently against the door and opened it slightly.

Avalon was sitting on the side of her bed with her back to him. She obviously heard him come in but she didn't look back. "I was so scared when you left," she started. "I didn't know if the Silence was going to hurt you. But then I realized I was pregnant and I was terrified."

"I'm sorry, I should have...I should have talked to you about the possibilities..."

"I didn't know what I was going to do," she looked over her shoulder, revealing her reddened eyes. Her face shined with tears. "But then she was born," she whispered, "And suddenly I couldn't think of anything that wasn't her. I missed you and I loved you but I chose her in a heartbeat. I chose to forget about ever seeing you again to focus on keeping her safe."

"You did nothing wrong, Avalon," the Doctor walked over to her. "You did what a Mother always does. You cared for your child and you kept her safe. How could I blame you for that?"

Avalon turned her body around so that she could face him. "But I never forgot about you. Not a day passed by where I didn't wonder if you were alive. I never forgot about you, Fairy Tale Man."

"I always thought about you too, Ava," the Doctor smiled at her. "I'm so sorry for leaving you. I'm sorry for leaving you on your own with Aurora. If I had known about her—"

"How could you have?" she cut him off with a sad smile. "I did everything I could to keep her hidden. I didn't want the Silence coming after her."

"You protected her," he cupped her face and cleared as many tears as he could off her face. "I wish I could've been here though. I missed out on a lot by the looks of it."

"She's just like you," she chuckled through her tears.

"Yeah," he laughed with her. "I saw some of that."

"She invents things. She's been inventing things since she was a kid."

"Guilty as charged."

Avalon slid off the bed and moved towards the dresser against the wall. The Doctor followed her and watched her go through some of the picture frames sitting on top of the dresser. Finally, she picked one up and showed it to him.

Aurora was a child who couldn't seem to grin more than she already was. The Doctor laughed when he saw one of her teeth was missing. Her orange hair was in pigtails but some of it was sticking out like she'd been working on something. That 'something' had to be the small device in her hands that she was showing proudly to the camera.

"She was 6 right here and she somehow invented a weather predictor. Who needs weathermen when you have Aurora Leigh Reynolds?" Avalon mused. "She's built all types of things. I dare say she got a stronger bite of the inventing bug than you did."

The Doctor started looking at the rest of the frames. He was sure that they chronicled some of Aurora's best moments. There was one of Avalon and a younger Aurora, probably when she was around 4, at a lakeside.

"You hate camping," he remembered.

Avalon hummed. "But Aurora doesn't. She likes looking at the stars and with all the lights in the city it's impossible. We go camping once a year."

"Really?" The Doctor smiled warmly. "These all look amazing. You've done a good job with her."

Avalon carefully placed her frame back on the dresser. "But it's not enough anymore. There are some things I just can't figure out. She thinks like me but with your intelligence. She's a lot quicker than the other kids her age and sometimes it brings her unwanted attention. I know her. I know my daughter and I know that she doesn't want to live here anymore. She wants to go exploring. River takes her out sometimes."

"She sees things that others don't." The Doctor felt like he was visiting Avalon's file all over again. "The pace here isn't enough for her. There's not enough stimulation."

Avalon nodded. "She's talked about some university here but I know that the only reason she wants to go here is because she doesn't want to leave me. I've instilled the idea that we should always remain together and as much as I love that, knowing that the Silence is gone, I don't have keep her here anymore. She's free."

"As are you." The Doctor curled his hand around hers, watching her cautiously for any negative reaction she could give. He needed to test to what extent he was allowed to touch her. So far, he was only subjected to her long stare. "You've done an amazing with Aurora, she absolutely loves you, and she never wants to leave you alone. I don't want to leave you so—" he nervously licked his lips, "—if you still have any lingering feelings for me...I'd like to be with you." He heard Avalon's quiet gasp but he was unsure what type of gasp it was. Would she send him away? Tell him that he'd lost his chance? Or would she agree?

"Aurora..." She said first, making him smile. "She wants you in her life. She's always dreamt about meeting you and travelling with you..."

"I'd love nothing more than to do that with her," he nodded. "Regardless of your decision, I'd like to be a part of my daughter's life. If you decide that you don't want anything to do with me, it won't affect anything with Aurora. But if you decide that you do want me around..."

"Would you stay here with us?" she asked suddenly. "Would you stay here with us and live...here?" she made a weak gesture to the house.

"Without a doubt," he answered on the spot. He allowed her to search him for any trace of that doubt he swore didn't exist. She wouldn't find it.

"You would do that?" she asked in disbelief. She pulled her hand out of his and moved around the room. "You would do the house, the-the getting up early to take Aurora to school, the grocery shopping, the laundry, the—"

"I'd do it all, Avalon, if it meant I got to stay with you."

Avalon turned around and met his gaze. She swallowed hard. She'd forgotten the way his long gazes made her feel. She'd forgotten what it felt like to have someone want to be with her. Together. Her eyes ultimately looked away from the Doctor when a river streamed from them.

"Avalon..." the Doctor felt utterly helpless watching her slowly break into sobs.

"Please come hold me," she managed to say before the sobs took her over. "I-I—" The Doctor was already by her side before she could say more. He held her as tightly as possible but it paled in comparison to Avalon's death grip she had on him. "I don't want you to leave me again. I love you. Being with you and travelling together was my life — it was when I was the happiest. I want to come back and be with you. I want to visit places, get into trouble with you, run together."

"I want that too," he whispered.

She pulled herself away enough to look up at him. "Most importantly, I want to wake up and go to sleep at your side. I want to make milkshakes with you, bicker with you, read stories together..." Her hands found their way up to his face, fingers delicately stroking his skin. "I want to be your Ava again."

The Doctor lowered his head, his words coming out in a whisper, "I want to be your Fairy Tale Man again too."

She smiled at him through her tears. She watched him come closer until there was no space between them. Their lips reconnected for the first time in two centuries and yet it felt like no time had passed them by. They remembered every last detail about each other, from the way their fingers felt on each other's skin to the perfect angle they favored as they deepened their kiss. Everything stayed exactly the same.

Avalon parted slightly to speak, but when she did their lips would brush over each other's. "We shouldn't get carried away," she said specifically for the trailing fingers she felt under the hem of her blouse.

She felt the Doctor's smug smile against her lips. "Right," he pulled his fingers out from under her shirt to place them on her waist. "Wouldn't want to come up with a little sibling for Aurora right now."

Avalon instantly shoved him on the chest but he just laughed. "That's not funny," she said. "You know she knows about the Sapling? They've met and all and somehow they were convinced that one day, they'd have a little brother to be a trio."

"Oh," the Doctor grinned.

"Stop it!" she warned him before he said anything else. "You should also know that the only reason they planned that is to overpower us...in a heist."

The Doctor's face lit up at the word. "A heist? Against our own children? That's cold...and also strangely exciting."

"Aurora's always wanted to heist with you," Avalon sighed. "She's always had all this list of things she wished she could do with you."

"Well, I think it's about time I make some of those things happen. What do you say, Ava?"

Avalon suddenly grabbed his head and kissed him fervently. "Take me away," she managed to say in-between kisses.

The Doctor was quick to respond to such hungry kisses, but he also found time to slip out some words. "Where to?"

"Neverland."

The Doctor pulled away to meet her gaze, letting their breathless mouths fall into laughter.

~ 0 ~

Aurora was pacing back and forth in the living room when she heard her mother's bedroom door opening. Her wide eyes watched her parents emerge from the hallway and the first thing she noticed were their interlocked hands. Her hearts skipped a few beats.

Avalon met her eyes once they stood across from her. "We'll have to pack one more time."

The grin that spread across Aurora's face was from ear to ear. Aurora laughed and ran towards them. She was encased in a tight hug. "We're actually leaving? To the TARDIS?" She looked up to meet their gazes. "To-to be a family?"

"And to travel," the Doctor touched Aurora's cheek. "And learn. You're not done with school—"

Aurora rolled her eyes. "But I know more than everyone does!"

"See?" Avalon glanced at the Doctor while she gestured to Aurora. "Your daughter."

But all the Doctor did was smile proudly. "Yes she is." Aurora beamed at him. "And she's going to be phenomenal."

"Feed the ego," Avalon sighed. "That's also yours."

The Doctor did not care at all. He just held her and Aurora together, as tightly as possible, while he wondered where-oh-where he would bring his princess and queen first.

[violetclarity]

2019: Things I’m proud of

Thanks for tagging me @coriesocks! It was fun to do a little retrospective 😊

Rules: It’s time to love yourselves! Choose your 5 favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2019. Tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!

1. As Long As There’s Sun (Jeddy, 55k, E)

It starts like this: when James is fifteen, Teddy quits Auror training and leaves England. Ten years later, he shows up on James’s doorstep with a baby in his arms.

I started writing this story in September or October of 2018, and finally finished it in March of 2019. It’s not only the longest fic I’ve ever written, but the longest anything that’s made it to a stage where it’s edited and readable. (Not counting the first-drafts-that-were-never-revised I wrote in high school, lol.) I’m mad proud of it even though it hasn’t gotten a ton of ‘love,’ as they say. (Which is fair - it deals with some pretty serious topics that I understand are not everyone’s thing!)

2. The Quandum Quandary: Harry and Draco’s Month of Mayhem (Drarry, 34k, E)

McGonagall’s out to get Harry and Draco, with a laundry list of new duties for them now that Hogwarts’ contraceptive wards have fallen. Hermione’s been called in to fix them, but in the meantime Harry and Draco are patrolling the corridors, babysitting owl nests, and trawling for giant squid eggs in the Great Lake. Plus their pets, both rare Australian marsupials called Quandums, are having a baby together.

It would all be easier to handle if they weren’t still thinking about their casual physical relationship, which ended years ago.

Something more recent - my fic for Erised 2019, written entirely between the last week of October and the last week of November! I’m really pleased that I was able to realize the story I wanted to within the limited time frame, and also that I wrote something funny, a little silly, and exploring an area of the HP world I hadn’t written about before - magical creatures and magical theory :)

3. Single and Snacking in Phoenix, AZ (Ginsy, 25k, E)

In for a Knut, in for a Galleon, Ginny thought.

“It’s actually Pansy.” She looked down, not wanting to see Harry’s reaction. “Pansy Parkinson? From school?"

Harry sounded a little strangled. “Parkinson?"

Ginny lifted her chin. “Yes. I’m bringing Pansy Parkinson as my plus-one to your wedding.”

When she told her friends she was bringing a date to Harry and Luna’s wedding, Ginny had only wanted them to stop bothering her about her love life. Now she’s facing an entire weekend of pretending that Pansy Parkinson, her casual hook-up, is actually her girlfriend. What could possibly go wrong?

This fic is the longest f/f I’ve ever written, and it’s my first story where I was able to collaborate with an artist (I’m still heart-eyes over @keyflight790’s magical gif skills, tbh). It took a while for me to get the idea off the ground (I started a *lot* of other stories) but I’m so happy with how it turned out, the Ginny voice I was able to capture and the complex relationships the story dealt with, as well as the fact that I was able to write something for the HP WLW Big Bang. Which brings me to...

4. HP WLW Big Bang 2019 ( @hpwlwbigbang )

Possibly the thing I’m most proud of fandom-wise from 2019 is that @frnklymrshnkly and I realized our dream of running this fest! When we started talking about it at the end of 2018 we really didn’t know if anyone except the two of us would be interested in it, but we thought it was an important idea and decided to do it anyway. We were blown away to have such amazing participation, and so much excitement and support from the HP fandom as a whole 💜 Neither of us had run a Big Bang before but we figured it out, and I was soooo lucky to have such a great co-mod to do it with. I can’t wait for the 2020 fest!!!

5. 183,158 words for Get Your Words Out

I may not have reached my pledge this year (which I talked about more in-depth here), but this is still the most I’ve ever written in one year, and I don’t think I would have reached it if I hadn’t been signed up for GYWO - I probably would have burned out after I posted As Long As There’s Sun and never even gotten around to writing some of my later in 2020 stories like The Quandum Quandary, and what a shame that would have been! I’m not doing GYWO again in 2020 (although I will still be tracking my yearly word count), but I’m really proud of how much I wrote in 2019!

I’m tagging (if you’d like to join/haven’t already done it): @whiskyandwildflowers @frnklymrshnkly @carpemermaidtales @inevitabledrarry @fidgetyweirdo @ellenjanewrites​