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pentanguine · 4 years ago

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Favorite books of 2020

So....about five months ago now, I drafted a list of my favorite books of 2020, and then I, uh, didn’t finish it. It languished in a draft gathering dust and I forgot that it existed.

But now it’s done! It’s hideously late and also out of date, because I’d change many of the rankings now (see below), but I decided to keep them in the original order to reflect how I felt when I actually meant to post this.

Gideon the Ninth- What can I say about this book that hasn’t already been said? It’s like nothing else I’ve read before, in the most unabashed, off-the-walls, grandiose way possible. It’s incredibly complex, well-written, goth, and full of memes. There are, indeed, lesbian necromancers in space.

Harrow the Ninth- I read this 500+ page book in one day and didn’t notice an earthquake while doing so, if you consider that an endorsement. There’s so much going on here it almost feels like it shouldn’t work, and yet it does, brilliantly—it’s so intricately plotted you’ll want to reread it immediately because there’s no way to pick up on everything your first time through.

The Starless Sea- This is just a magical delight of a story, with prose that flows like honey: slow, sweet, and delicious. The story unfolds like a series of wonders nested one inside the other, with each section adding another layer of whimsy and metafiction. It’s half a dream, and half a maze.

Young Miles (The Warrior’s Apprentice/The Vor Game)- The Miles books (the early ones, especially) are wild and unrepentant romps through outer space, and reading them was one of the highlights of 2020 for me. When I finished the Young Miles omnibus, I couldn’t remember the last time I’d taken such pure delight in a book. Even the heavier, more thoughtful moments were part of a well-told, enjoyable story.

The Stone Sky- Speaking of heavy and thoughtful books…The Broken Earth Trilogy is definitely not a light undertaking, but it’s just a masterpiece of world- and character-building. The Stone Sky is the final installment, and it does not pull a single punch in delivering what the previous books have been building towards.

This Is How You Lose the Time War- I keep instinctively wanting to call this a novel in verse, although I think it’s technically an epistolary novel with prose-poem tendencies. In any case, the writing is lovely—lush, vivid, sensual, romantic. I recommend reading this one with your poetry glasses on.

Cordelia’s Honor (Shards of Honor/Barrayar)- I tried to limit myself to one book per author on this list, but I didn’t succeed here. I loved the Vorkosigan saga too much, and I had to include the omnibus about Miles’s mother, Cordelia, whose life and personality could easily be the focus of another half-dozen volumes. (And if you’re looking for a well-developed m/f romance, you’ve found it here)

An Unkindness of Ghosts- I think this is the book that kicked off my sudden interest in sci-fi last year. It’s dark and beautiful, definitely character-driven, and everyone is truly strange in ways that protagonists rarely get to be. It’s also got one of the loveliest, most satisfying endings I can imagine.

Code Name Verity- An incredibly intense YA book that delves deep into one of my favorite fictional themes, Morality. It’s a rollicking spy adventure novel that focuses on a close friendship rather than romance (although you can read it as sapphic if you want), with descriptions of flying over England at sunset that made my heart ache.

The Raven Tower- I enjoyed this story for reasons probably particular to me—I like long digressions into abstract questions like “How do we exert power over the world?” and “Where does the meaning of words exist?”, and entire sections of The Raven Tower are devoted to the inner meditations of a very contemplative rock. It’s also a retelling of Hamlet, if that’s more your speed.

Network Effect (and Murderbot novellas)- I’m going to quote my immediately-after-finishing review: “Murderbot always gives me feels. I would love to give a more literary summary, but I’m still overwhelmed by the tentative vulnerability of two bots being best friends and watching TV together after [redacted].” The first Murderbot novel definitely did not disappoint.

The Monster of Elendhaven- Decadent, blood-soaked, and morally depraved, it’s kind of like The Picture of Dorian Gray by way of Hannibal (NBC), with probable influences from a dozen other macabre works and no restraint whatsoever. Reading it felt very self-indulgently delightful.

Before Mars- A deliciously unsettling sci-fi thriller with a refreshingly blunt, unsentimental female protagonist. Also definitely an …interesting book to read at the end of March 2020, but explaining why would definitely be a spoiler. Suffice it to say that the book goes dark places not advertised on the tin, and it made me cry.

Orange World- Karen Russell is one of those writers who make you wonder “how did they come up with this?” Every one of her stories is a totally original marriage between two wildly different concepts (like a Bog Maiden and high school romance, or new motherhood and the devil), and they’re a nice blend of literary and fantasy that I love.

Something That May Shock and Discredit You- It’s so hard to rank this one, because its two primary concerns are Christianity and transness, one of which means very little to me and one of which is breathtakingly important. I couldn’t justify putting it any lower, because it made me feel an ungodly number of feelings, but I couldn’t really justify putting it higher when a solid third of the book went right over my head.

The Ten Thousand Doors of January- A truly wondrous novel, one that fully immerses you in the delight of storytelling and imagination, and the power of escaping to other worlds. It’s very much in the tradition of “books that pay tribute to the love of books,” and an homage to a hundred portal fantasies before it.

Braiding Sweetgrass- I’ve got such a fondness for nature writing that doesn’t even try to be scientifically detached, and instead leaves you with the feeling that the trees and fields around you are bustling with (nonhuman) people.* Kimmerer’s writing is steeped in indigenous ways of knowing, and emphasizes the respect and reciprocity we can hold for the natural world. It’s lovely writing, and I can’t recommend the book highly enough.

Call Down the Hawk- Full of all the ingredients you expect from a Maggie Stiefvater book: fast cars, ancient magic, questions of art and truth, and borderline overuse of the word “cunning.” Every time I read one of her books I want to start taking notes, because she’s got such a signature style that’s both poetic and readable.

The Unspoken Name- For some reason I wasn’t much into epic fantasy last year, but I’m glad I gave this one a try. I love morally grey characters, of which there are plenty, and the plot took a number of refreshing twists and turns.

A Memory Called Empire- Not a fast-moving read, but perfect if you like your sci-fi novels poetic, complex, and intellectual. The worldbuilding is incredibly immersive, in a way that reminded me a bit of Ursula K. Le Guin, and I remember this stuck with me for weeks after I finished it.

*Let me be a nerdy weirdo for a second: Most of the time Kimmerer is writing about New England, an area I’m not really familiar with, but “The Sound of Silverbells” is set on a mountain somewhere in the South, and I adored it. Suddenly she was writing about dogwoods and redbuds and poplars, and I was sitting there going “!!! Those are my friends! My friends are in a book!”

Changes I’d make now:

Bump The Starless Sea down a couple pegs, maybe to #6

Swap out Cordelia’s Honor and Young Miles

Bump The Raven Tower way down to #16 and bump A Memory Called Empire a few spots higher, maybe to #17

Braiding Sweetgrass can go up where The Raven Tower was

#an inexhaustable source of magic #personal #yes i know none of them have the author's name #sorry about that #it you're reading this it's because i noticed i forgot the authors right after i queued it and then went 'oh well' and cleaned my bathroom #and subsequently did not remember and/or find the time #if you're not reading this then i found the time

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shadowlink06 · 3 years ago

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A Captive Heart (Deleted Scenes)

The first draft of this piece capped off at 31k words. These are the scenes I managed to save. Keep in mind, these are being presented as unedited so expect to see typos. One of the things I will tell my editors is to make the story readable. Don't worry about my feelings or deleting scenes. It was pretty normal that 5k was cut as during my World of Ruin series, at least 10k has been deleted or rearranged. Please do not read this post if you have not read the entire story as it contains spoilers.

Salve Regina did not have any deleted scenes since it was a last-minute story that I wrote. You can definitely see the difference when I have more time to think about the story.

Chapter 1:

Regis lamented over his son’s health the more that the days had passed. It was a risk coming to Tenebrae, but he could think of no other options for help when Noctis had slipped in his coma. Thankfully he had woken from it, but there still appeared to be something wrong with him. On the balcony overlooking the city, he stared into the tiny silhouettes of the people going about their day without a care in the world. He wished he could have been more carefree like them. Everyday was like walking on eggshells. He and Sylva had been friends in the distant past. Niflheim’s occupation of the region had limited their contact.

Aldercapt had been a man of greed. His reign had been one stained in bloodshed and heartbreak with the evolving magitek troops he had produced. The rumor was that there was someone within his court that was responsible for the sudden production of the inhuman creations. A human or daemon… it was hard to say at this point. What Regis did know was that in the last twenty years, there had been strides made from Niflheim that caused the barrier protecting Lucis to grow ever smaller.

Regis glanced at the ring of the Lucii. His forebears aided him as much as they could to drive away the onslaught time and time again but the price the ring demanded was a high one. That is why the King had gone through desperate strides to see that Noctis would get better, even if that meant being in enemy territory. Most of the retinue that had joined him had gone back to Lucis and only a handful remained behind to not cause attention to be drawn to Sylva while she did her best to heal Noctis. In his heart, the King wished for the illness Noctis seemed to suffer from to pass quickly but a part of him wondered if the daemon attack had taken more from his son than he could fathom.

Chapter 2:

Regis found himself unable to sleep the past few weeks. Speaking to Sylva had confirmed to him that the daemon attack might have damaged Noctis in a way that was hard for even the Oracle to heal. He had thought the worst of it had been over when Noctis came out of his coma, but perhaps it was just a prelude. When the boys had been settled for bed, the King had taken leave to the gardens with Clarus at his side.

A part of him was still suspicious of the daemon attack. He had known that Niflheim was making strides in their magitek production the last twenty years. Why that had been so had been bothersome to the King and his council. The war with the other nation had always been bloody with Aldercapt’s family refusing to stop it’s aggressive expansion in Eos. And then there was the crystal which they seemed to both admire, fear, and be jealous that such a power was out of their control.

But Regis, like his father before him, refused to give into Niflheim’s demands. There had been concessions made that had unfortunately given Niflheim more influence over what was once Lucian territory but they were still waging war desperately trying to drive the enemy back. What hope he had of ending the war seemed to be only a fairytale. Noctis was destined to continue this struggle, much to Regis’s disappointment.

That was why it was alarming that it seemed that Noctis seemed to be the target. No doubt it would hurt Regis, but also put him at greater risk since that was his only son. Regis could only hope that Noctis would pull through, whatever was wrong with him. “Clarus,” He spoke to his friend. “Do you think this is the right path to take?”

The Shield considered his words. “It is not my place to say your Highness.”

Wedding Crashers:

Even if it was in the early morning, Aranea always stopped by the same bar, at the same time. She wasn’t sure when the ritual started, but she, Biggs, and Wedge, always ate together before proceeding to their business at the Empire. As she walked in today though, there was a hole that filled in the pit of her stomach as she sat in the barstool, right in the middle of the men. The bartender, an old guy around 70, gave a nod and set a glass in front of her before pouring orange juice in it. “Usual?” His gruffled voice muttered behind the heavy gray mustache.

“Please.” Aranea said before he disappeared into the back to get her order ready.

“Should’ve ordered something different.” Biggs said as he lit the tip of his cigarette. Sure will be reassigned after the wedding day is announced.

“Feels strange.” Wedge admitted. “Thought I would resent those brats being their personal babysitters... but they were both good people.”

“Don’t tell me you are getting sentimental?” Aranea mused with an arched brow.

“Naw… it’ll be nice to take to the skies again.” Wedge replied.

“Agreed, much prefer it. We were meant for the sky.” Biggs said.

Aranea had to agree with them. That is where the three of them met together when they had signed up for the job. It was so fun being able to see all of Eos just outside of their window. She grabbed her glass before taking a drink out of it. The acidic burn of the orange juice stung going down, but she kept chugging it until nothing was left. “Humph, another era for Niflheim.”

“His Radiance certainly played his cards right.”

That made the commodore laugh softly. “Guess he did…” Too well. From there the trio grew silent as they continued to small talk about what would be next for them. Eventually the bartender came back with toast, eggs, and bacon for three of them as they ate breakfast together. Aranea didn’t finish her meal much to Biggs and Wedge’s surprise.

“You okay Lady A?” Biggs asked.

Aranea nodded before glancing down at the unfinished plate. “Yeah, guess I just got a lot on my mind.” She reached into her wallet throwing out enough bills to cover their meals and left a generous tip for the bartender. “Guess we better get ready to go.” All three stood up walking out of the bar. She readied herself to go to the castle while Biggs and Wedge headed to the aircraft hold to delegate security for the coming wedding. Before they parted the commodore couldn’t help but speak to her friends. “Biggs… Wedge. It’s been great knowing you.”

The pair looked at each other before chuckling softly. “Sure you haven’t been hittin’ the bottles Ms?” Biggs said with that goofy grin on his face. They knew that Aranea never drank for she had always been one to know what was going on around her. Biggs always said eventually he’d get her drunk one of these days. He hadn’t succeeded in the past ten years though.

Aranea forced herself to laugh. “Maybe a little bit. See you guys.” Although in the bottom of her heart this moment was the last time she would see them.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

Titus walked into the Lucis council chamber early in the morning. It was Prince Noctis’s eighteenth birthday, and today was the day that Regis was dreading. Aldercapt had wasted no time in getting the date set up for the wedding the moment Noctis had turned of age. His Radiance had assumed that Regis would try something if the wedding day was extended longer… given how the council had been behaving the last few months, Aldercapt had been right.

Stil he had been unable to figure out just who was feeding the council information about the Prince’s movements. But he had gotten better about covering up his emotions when it was clear that sensitive information about the Prince was delivered. Whoever it was had been sly, always staying out of reach of Titus’s grasp and slipping away. It was hard to pin down who it was since whoever was feeding the court information wasn’t coming directly to the citadel to deliver the information. From what he could tell, the intel was spot on. Between them knowing Aldercapt’s schedule, times where the military cabinet would be attending meetings, or even when they were not in Niflheim, it was always accurate. Whoever it was, Titus was managing to stay one step ahead of them by abruptly changing plans or cancelling meetings to subvert a way to leave Noctis vulnerable. So far, he had been successful, but by now, the mole knew that there was a mole in Lucis which was making things more complicated. Titus was hoping that the mole would surface soon. His affairs at Niflheim had kept him from learning about the secret ops mission that Clarus was overseeing. Until the wedding day was taken care of, Titus was on leave giving him the opportunity to play his role as Drautos.

Lucis had to make their move soon else they would be subservient to Niflheim. That was why he was counting on something big happening during the small window where Noctis turned 18 and he produced an heir. It was a critical time for both sides, and it might have been time to cut his ties from Lucis completely. His only regret was the same one he had ten years ago, he couldn’t be the one to thrust his sword in Regis’s heart.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

“You won’t be able to do this on your own!” Noctis cried out.

She agreed with the Prince, but it was irrelevant. Everyone had gambled on this to work and so she could only press forward. “I said go! I can’t fight them and protect you brats!” She shouted pointing the spear at them to make her point clear.

Ignis hesitated, but pulled Noctis up. “We have to go Noct…” He said softly, eyeing the street and where the circled area was. Almost there… he hoped whatever was there was useful.

Aranea continued to destroy the units as they continued to deploy from the drop ship. “I’ve gotta take those damn things out.”. Charging her Stoss Spear, she pressed the tip of it into the ground using the momentum of the energy to propel her forward. She landed on the roof of the homes watching as the drop ships descended lower. “Perfect.” She said jumping rooftop to rooftop to close the distance in between them. She was thankful that her time in the sky was helpful in this situation.

The MTs might have been up to date with the constant upgrades and data supplied by Verstael, but the drop ship models were ones that had a few decades behind. The newer models were sent to battles, and the older ones were stationed within the city. They might not have been as fast, but the older drop ships didn’t have to be since this was the capital and it was always heavily guarded. It was an exploit that Aranea had hoped would happen. The engine was easier to get to in the older models. The glowing energy radiating from the hull gave away their location. Charing her spear, she moved herself closer to it before striking the engine with the tip. Several explosions followed before she had to jump away. The ship started to descend, and Aranea grit her teeth praying that the people below would hear the sound of the ship and evacuate the area safely. A subsequent crash and explosion followed, yet Aranea pressed on. She couldn’t worry about the casualties or damage now, there were two more ships that needed to be downed. She did the same maneuver as before and a second drop ship fell from the sky. The last one, was a bigger model, and one that had her heart skip a beat. The emblem off to the side was unmistakable. Glauca’s personal ship.

She stopped to catch her breath as more MTs dropped out of the General’s ship surrounding her. The searchlight was steady on her from Glauca’s ship and her mouth pressed together seeing that familiar sight of bluish metal and ominous red jump out of the drop ship. The impact of Glauca’s fall had the concrete a few feet from him disintegrate into shattered pieces of rocks. “Aranea Highwind…” The voice boomed. “All this time… you were the traitor in our midst.”

To that the commodore laughed softly. “Well what can I say? Guess I have a soft spot for kids.”

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

“-I said just do it!” Verstael snarled watching the soldier cringe from his tone. “If the General or Aldercapt have an issue with it... they can speak to me personally. Make sure he is given a sedative to keep him knocked out.” No, he didn’t even want anyone seeing this boy and he covered up the boy’s face still speaking. “Take care of him… now.”

“Y-yes sir!” The soldier moved down and began to tend to the Lucian.

When Verstael was sure that he got the point across he was already aiming for the direction of his lab. “That boy…” He murmured, unable to get the image of his face out of his head. The features were unmistakable. As a scientist, he didn’t believe in fate or luck. Yet for once… he was at a loss as to how to deal with the situation. A DNA test needed to be done first to verify his thoughts, but deep down he already knew why that soldier looked so damn familiar.

Aftermath:

There had always been rumors about the King’s health. The access to the armiger did have it’s limitations along with the power of the kings. Prompto had never seen Regis use it first hand, but he knew that each time Regis blessed a Crownsguard or Kingsglaive with the power of the armiger, he lost precious time on his life. It was why the King had always described this mission as “be all to end all”. Of course Noctis being prisoner for as long as he had been was something that Regis had always wanted to change, but the cost… he had no idea it would be taken this far.

“You have nowhere to go now boy.” The voice said softly. “But worry not, you are in the place you are supposed to be.”

Prompto grit his teeth thrashing against his bonds. “I kneel before no king but Regis Lucis Caelum and his son Noctis Lucis Caelum!��

“Who is dead.” The voice reminded him. “And as for that brat… well you might have him back but even the company of your best doctors will not erase ten years under our care.” Of course he didn’t know that for sure but… they still had something that the Prince wanted. “Regardless of that… I must undo the damage that your mother has done to you. It is the only way you will be pardoned for your crimes.”

Prompto froze at the mention of his mother. Why did someone from Niflheim seem to speak so formally. No… it was a trick. The gunner laughed softly. “Is this your idea of an interrogation? Making up stories to think I’ll take the bait?” He heard a door opening behind him, but he couldn’t even turn to see who had come into the room. “You’re really bad at this…”

“Had it been anyone else, I might not have pressed the issue. But you and I… share a history together.”

Prompto didn’t recognize the voice at all though. Not wishing to give the man a reason to start his torture, he opted to keep the man talking for now. “I know no one from Niflheim.” He spat, the malicus was clear, the things that he had seen growing up, the people that suffered because of their magitek were burned into his brain. “I’m a proud Lucian! Never would I apologize to Niflheim scum!”

“That is no way to speak of the land of your birth, Prompto.”

The gunner’s breath hitched when the man said his name. He could have blamed it on his ID being taken, or even the Crownsguard uniform but he knew that all officers that had been tasked with this operation had all of their personal belongings left back home. So with that knowledge in the back of his mind… how had this man figured out his name? Now he was trying to look at the figure from his peripheral vision.

“It seems I’ve gotten your attention now.” The voice mused. “I’m glad she didn’t change your name. You were born in these halls, I held you in my hands. You were destined to be a scientist and know the best of cutting edge technology. But your mother… a coward unwilling to embrace the power of my research took you and fled. I had wondered where she had taken you too.” He snorted. “Lucis would have been the last place I expected.” But in hindsight it did make the most sense.

“Who…. who the hell are you?” Prompto choked out. The man finally stood in front of him and what he saw made his face pale as he came face to face with a man that looked so much like him. The freckles dotting his face, the blonde hair, the blue eyes burning back at him.

Verstael summoned a gun from his own armiger. Unlike Prompto’s weapons though, the magic that came from it was glowing red rather than blue. He pointed the barrel at Prompto’s face wrestling with what to do about the situation. “Hello... my son.”

#A Captive Heart #fanfiction #fanfic #zine #ignoct #ignoctReverseBang #noctis #ignis #verstael #ardyn #Titus #deleted dialogue #deleted scene

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wondershawns · 5 years ago

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2 & 37 with mafia!raul please and like raul says the thingssss pleaseeee! love ya 💙

A/N: This is honestly more of a draft than an actual fic. I didn’t go over it and I won’t get time to any time soon, so hopefully it’s still readable. The prompts were “I didn’t know you drink.” “I don’t.” and “You really need to stop drinking. I’m serious.”

You understood the extent of the word mafia when you were eight. It was the first and only time of your life that you walked into your father’s hidden office in the basement without being invited in. You would never be able to erase that image from your mind, the sight of the man with his head hanging down, blood dripping down his body and on your father’s hand, it haunted you every time you knocked on that door.

You learned how to put up with it as you grew up, you limited your involvement as much as you could because you had done your research, and the more you read the more scared you became of your own family. You couldn’t confront them directly, you had asked some questions and got shot down as a child, so your strategy evolved with time. You were barely involved, just enough to be trusted but not enough to ever have a decision to make. You were an only child, the only daughter of a highly respected and powerful man, and it meant you could rarely just fade away in the background.

Any event like a birthday was an excuse for other families to be invited, it was used politically to invite allies and almost trusted people. Raul’s family was close enough to yours to always be invited, but never trusted enough to become allies.

On any other day your uncle’s birthday would have been a good excuse to spend some time with Raul, mixing up with other people was encouraged during those times, and he was always your favorite person to spend time with.

Ever since you had been old enough to feel it there had been a lot of sexual tension between you both, Raul was too hot for his own good but you both knew nothing could ever happen. Anything that happened between you would bring your families too close, it wasn’t an option, but the tension was always there. You teased the hell out of each other on some nights, but it never went further than jokes, it couldn’t.

“Princess,” He greeted you with a smirk, knowing you hated the nickname. He thought it suited you, you didn’t have siblings to share anything with, you were the family’s princess, the only daughter the future depended on.

“My night is bad enough as it is.” You cut him off before he began teasing you and making his stupid comments.

Raul was slightly taken aback by your reaction, and his eyes widened even more when he saw you grab a drink. You were the only person he ever saw stick to soda at those events. You hated alcohol with a passion, and the last thing you wanted in the middle of these people was to have your inhibitions lower.

“I didn’t know you drink.” He observed as you downed half of the glass.

“I don’t.” You turned around to leave and politely made conversation with other people in the crowd when they came up to you.

Raul kept an eye on you from a distance, you were the opposite of the girl he had grown to know over the years. You were smart and bubbly, you didn’t drink because you knew you needed to keep up an act when people were around, and he was surprised with how reckless you were when you were usually so careful.

You finished drink after drink, and your alcohol tolerance was so low Raul that could see them hitting you. Your eyes darted across the room, and you zoned out when people talked to you.

“Princess, come over here.” He took you out of that situation, excusing you quickly before you said something you’d regret. “What’s wrong?”

“Everything’s great.” You shrugged him off and moved over to the bar where shots were lined up.

“The way you’re acting kinda contradicts what you’re saying.” He had stopped drinking the second you started, he couldn’t be tipsy if you were going to be a wreck.

You didn’t answer and looked at him as you took two more shots.

“I don’t give a fuck anymore. This is all bullshit anyway.”

“You really need to stop drinking. I’m serious.” He saw you go for another couple and knocked one of your hand as he tried to take it from you, but you still managed to drink the other one.

“And why the hell do you care?” You glared at him, trying to reach for another drink and failing when he stopped you.

“Let’s get you out of here.” He took your hand and guided you through the crowd.

“I’m fine, stop!” You tried to take your hand back when he managed to get you outside.

“You can barely walk.” He didn’t let go of your hand, instead he lightly pushed your shoulder and made you stumble to prove his point. “You shouldn’t be in there.”

“Why? It’s all my life is ever gonna be.”

“Don’t say that,” He walked you into a small alley, somewhere where no one could hear you on the way to a safe place.

“It’s true.” You refused to look at him, staring straight ahead of you.

“It’s not. You’ve never been involved, you’re just there because you have to be for now, but it’s not all your life can be.”

You stayed silent as you followed him, your feet hurting in your heels while goosebumps rose all over your body from the cold. Raul slowed down to match your pace, and he sighed when he noticed you shiver.

“Here, princess, you’re going to get sick.” He made you stop and shrugged his jacket off.

“I already feel sick.” You slid it over your arms and he adjusted it over your shoulders.

“Yeah, that’s what happens when you drink too much, I’ll get you something to eat when we’re home, we’re not far.” He linked his hand with yours again to keep you steady all the way to his apartment.

You sat on his couch moments later, your shoes somewhere near his front door as you tried to get rid of a horrible headache.

“Did you count how many drinks you had?” Raul placed a sandwich in front of you with a glass of water, hoping the bread would absorb the alcohol to help you sober up.

“I think I’m gonna be sick.” You murmured instead of answering, and he watched you rush to his bathroom with a sigh.

Your stomach churned and cramped up as it emptied, your head hanging over the toilet bowl.

“It’s alright, it’s alright,” Raul opened a window before he rubbed your back, watching you struggle to fill your lungs in between the contractions of your muscles. “Better out than in at this stage, it’s okay princess.” He kept your hair out of the way, waiting for you to be done.

You didn’t move for a while, your arms trembling and your eyes full of tears. Raul stood up and ran a cloth under the faucet, letting the fabric absorb the cold water before he twisted it to get rid of excess water.

“Here you go,” He handed it to you, letting you clean your face as he left to find a glass. “Drink something.”

“I don’t wanna be sick again.” You shook your head, your back slumped against the wall as you held the wet cloth to your forehead.

“Water will help, I promise. Just take small sips, okay?”

You nodded vaguely and accepted the glass, drinking from it before he found you a clean toothbrush to get rid of the acidic taste in your mouth. You changed into the clothes he brought you, carelessly getting rid of your dress and underwear in front of him to put large sweatpants and an oversized shirt on.

“Better?” Raul asked you after you managed to finish the sandwich.

“Thanks,” You nodded. “Sorry I’m such a mess,” You added, rubbing your hands over your face. You were definitely never drinking again.

“Are you going to tell me what put you in that state?”

“I fucking hate my family.” You started, which wasn’t news to Raul, he was in a situation similar to yours, but he was better at hiding it.

“Yeah, I know that,” He wasn’t surprised, but he wanted to know what exactly made you snap. You were already blinking tears away and looking away from him, but Raul wasn’t done with the questions. “What happened?”

“All I wanted was to make sure I never got blood on my hands.” You swallowed heavily, and Raul’s heart tightened in his chest.

“What did they make you do?” He wished he knew how to comfort you, and if he could he’d punch whoever got you in a situation.

“Nothing, I- I did something stupid on my own, I just- I didn’t think-” You stuttered, struggling to put the words together.

“Hey, hey look at me,” Raul took your hand. “Look at me princess, it’s gonna be alright.”

“I didn’t have a choice,” You eyes were full of tears, and a few drops rolled down your cheeks.

“I know,” He soothed you. “It’s okay, just tell me what happened.”

“They were- they were looking for that guy, and they only had two locations, and one was so logical, I just wanted to make sure they wouldn’t find him.” You words got caught in your throat.

“It’s alright,” He murmured again, rubbing his thumb over the back of your hand.

“I thought he was there for sure so I- I made them change their minds and go to the other one.”

“And he was there,” Raul guessed and you nodded.

“I just- I thought- I was trying to help.” You wiped your cheeks, but it did nothing to hide the tears flooding your cheeks.

“I know princess,” He tugged on your hand and wrapped his arms around you, pulling you against his chest.

“I didn’t mean to.”

“I know, it’s okay,” He rubbed your back. “It wasn’t your fault, you did the right thing, you were just trying to help.”

“It wasn’t the right thing.” You denied, you had caused this man’s death, they found him because of you. It was your fault.

“It’s not the first time you do it, and it worked all those other times. It was a good call, and they would have ended up finding him anyway. You gotta know that, you gotta know it’s not your fault.” Raul rested his chin on top of your head.

“I should have known better.”

“You couldn’t know. You did your best. It wasn’t your fault,” He rocked you from side to side as you sobbed against his chest. “Listen to me princess, it wasn’t your fault. What our families do… it’s not us, okay? That’s not who you are, I know it, you’re not like them.”

“I feel so trapped.” You choked on a sob, you had tried to find a way out for years, and you were still stuck in this horrible situation.

“I know, it’s hard, but you’ve got to know you’re not like them. You need to remember that, because you’re doing so much better, and I won’t let you fall into what they do, ever.”

“How?” You sniffled against his chest.

“I’m gonna find something,” He kissed the top of your head, his thumb caressing the back of your neck. “I want to get out of there too, I’m gonna get us both out. I just need a little bit more time.”

“How would you even help me?” You pulled away, wiping at your cheeks. “We can barely be friends.”

“You think that’s gonna stop me? Listen princess, I’ve known you for years and I’m as tired as you are. If I can get myself out of that mess one way or another, I’m taking you with me.”

“I just- I can’t find how.”

“We’ll find something, together, tomorrow, when you’re sober. You need to sleep first.”

“I don’t wanna go home.”

“You’re staying here.” He got up, prompting you to follow him. “Come on.”

You let him tuck you into his bed, getting comfortable before he slid into his side next to you.

“Are you tired?” He turned to his side, watching you stare at the ceiling before you tilted your head to look at him.

“Not really,” You curled yourself into a ball, and he stayed silent for a while, adjusting the covers on top of him. “Raul?” You whispered.

“Yeah?”

“Can I come closer?”

“Yeah,” He let you shuffle all the way to his side, your head on his pillow and your face only inches from his.

He slung his arm around you to steady you close to him, and he didn’t say a word as you placed a hand on his cheek.You inched your face closer carefully until your lips were on his, and they moved together carefully.

“Princess,” Raul brought himself to pull away, trying his hardest not to kiss you again. “You’ve had a lot on your plate today already, and you’re still drunk.”

“Sorry,” You hid your face by looking down.

“It’s alright,” He kissed your forehead. “Go to sleep, and we’ll talk in the morning.”

He didn’t want you to move away, he had wanted this with you for far too long, but it didn’t feel right. You had been drinking for the first time, you cried because of what happened yesterday, and if he was going to be with you it wouldn’t be like this.

Raul cared about you. He had grown up with you, in a way, and you had bonded over your views of the world. Ever since you turned fourteen you had solid plans to run away, sometimes on your own, sometimes together, but none of them were viable. You grew up and stopped talking about it together, but now that you both had a chance to build something of your own Raul was determined to succeed.

He wouldn’t let your family trap you, he wouldn’t watch it destroy you, he wouldn’t listen to you cry with horror written on your face ever again. He was going to find a solution, for himself and for you.

“Okay,” You murmured and hid your face in his chest as you snuggled close to him.

“Go to sleep princess, we’re going to sort this out. I promise.”

tags: @itrocksmysocks @r3ader @everythinghappening16 @sunrise-shawn @alilovesshawn @5-seconds-of-mendes @sleepybesson @definitelynotshawnmendes @chrizzy95 @sunrisebrashx @justanotherfangurl272 @turtoix @mariamuses @tastebaldwin @enchantingbrowneyedgirl @queenmxndes @wildflowerfeast @imaginashawnns @falliningrace @shawnsheaven @heart-struck @thotmendes @luvluvxx @brokeninsidebutnobodyknows @babieforshawnn @breakingblondiee @zaahidahhh @tnhmblive @learning-howto-be-myselfx3 @adelaidestreets @palhacomendes @muffin-saucex @lanallaa @goldenmndes@fanficshawn @lostinmendess @connordavidscamera @dolansugar @shawnsthighs @valedictorian65 @havethetimeeofyourlifee @train-wrecc (let me know if you’d like to be added!)

#raul mendes #mendes triplets #shawn mendes #request #shawn peter raul mendes

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millennial-ring · 4 years ago

Note

I wanna ask about: 25: The Horror of Our Love, 12: It never rained in hell and 8-10 about Haunted! Please and Thankyou!!!

25. The Horror of Our Love

SO!!!! This one is actually incredibly recent (within the last month or so) and as much as I want to talk at length about it, I’m going to be a bit more reserved because I do hope to finish and publish it some day, and don’t really want to spoil it. It’s a pre-established relationship deathshipping fic where Ryou writes very special love notes to Kek.

12. It never rained in Hell

Do you want to hear about Hazbin Hotel fic? Because this is a Hazbin WIP. (please don’t unfollow me for liking Hazbin lol) Another super short one with only a few paragraphs where nothing actually happens. Sometimes I start writing something because I have a sentence stuck in my head that would be a good opener, but it doesn’t lead into anything special. (That’s why I’m meticulous about outlines and ideas now).

Hell didn’t have weather. At least, not in the traditional sense of the word. It had a day and night cycle, and seasons, at least, most sinners figured it must. After all, the sky darkened and lightened at regular intervals, and the air got a little chillier in the months they called winter, and the already warm temperatures rose during the months they called summer. But weather was a different matter. They didn’t get thunderstorms, or tornado, or hail, or rain, or snow. They didn’t really even get wind.

Despite the lack of storms, every so often the sky -was it even a sky? There were stars, the pentagram moon, but the horizon was red as blood and sometimes looked more like a ceiling than the vast expanse of space they knew from their life prior to dying - darkened with heavy clouds as red as the rest of Hell, like blood-soaked cotton. They were thick as it, too, blocking out the stars and moon and the top floors of the higher buildings with ease, but they never broke and released the downpour they seemed to promise.

Angel Dust hated days like this.

I don’t remember if it was going to be anything -maybe a drabble to share in a discord server I’m in, maybe something to do with an AU I have there, idk.

8-10. Haunted Stuff

Haunted... (takes a long drag from a cigarette) Now there’s a name I haven’t heard in a long time. Jk jk, I actually think about Haunted almost daily and I still have plans to finish it. What I have left of the outline is...rough, and it’s going to take a lot of work to make it readable, so that’s sort of put me off of it but anyway! “haunted chapter 0 ideas and outline” is exactly what it sounds like. This is the document that has all the chapter outlines, and basic future ideas for chapters, or dialogue, descriptions of various things I want to include. Also, if you’re curious, it looks like this

because as I’m working on a chapter I cross it out so I don’t lose my place and, once I’m done with a chapter I, I make the font as tiny as possible. I always forget this when I open it and then think it’s glitched.

“haunted last chapter rough“ is also exactly what it sounds like. I had an idea for how I wanted to end the fic a loooong time ago, and had a few descriptions and phrases I wanted to remember for when that time came, so I started writing them down. It soon turned into something resembling an actual chapter, though of course it will be rewritten when the time comes. I read through it, wanting to at least give a sentence teaser, but pretty much every sentence is spoiler territory so...yeeeah noooo

Haunted chapter 33 rough - wow I’m so good at titling WIPs with exactly what they are! This is, you guessed it, the rough first draft of chapter 33 of Haunted. I could give a few sentences for this, but none of the opening bits are that interesting, and the rest of the chapter I don’t want to spoil. So, hm...

Malik’s lips twitched in the barest hint of a smile. He returned to the kitchen, placing the fourth plate in the microwave in the hopes of keeping it warm while he was downstairs. He retrieved a bottle of raspberry kefir from the fridge, grabbed the fifth plate and, with a nod in Bakura’s direction, turned and made his way to the hallway that would lead him to the basement.

That works.

#wip tag

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saiilorstars · 4 years ago

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The Fairy Tale Memoirs

Author’s Note: This is part of a one-shot/AU companion story to Stars Dance & Falling in Temptation that features Avalon Reynolds and the Doctor (from 9th-13th Doctor) along with other companions + Lena Reynolds.

// Current Masterlist //

taglist: @ocfairygodmother @anotherunreadblog

Ch. 3: Found

Summary: Avalon watches her daughter grow up into a teenager. She just doesn't realize that Aurora knows more than she leads on.

A/N: An AU based on the last chapter of Falling in Temptation.

~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~

On Aurora's 100th birthday, her grandmother River brought her to Akhaten. She explained the importance of the planet as soon as they got there: Akhaten was the spot her father promised to bring her mother to. He never got the chance but it was only right that one Reynolds see it. River promised Aurora that the Doctor would want nothing more than to know that his daughter got to visit the planet.

Aurora was amazed by the different sight. She had never been off planet so she was very proud to know at least half of the species she saw. She was as fast as her father on her feet, leaving River out of breath several times. She wanted to see everything and try everything - she had inherited her father's knack for tasting everything and anything. Like Avalon, she had an attitude that put her in arguments with people several centuries older than her. River knew that she should've disapproved but the sight of seeing her little granddaughter - who was nothing more than a small child - argue the hell out of a grumpy old man was far too amusing. That was definitely all Avalon. There was one significant thing that River took great notice of in her granddaughter. What Aurora saw did not work, she talked about making it work. Whether it was a couple machines she noticed sparking or an intangible system like making lines for a shop, if it did not work then Aurora would talk about fixing it. It made River smile. That was uniquely Aurora.

"I like building things," the little girl would shrug and say each time River asked her that day why she was so focused on brainstorming ideas to fix whatever she saw wrong.

When the day finished and Aurora came home, she stayed up all night telling her mother everything she saw. Avalon let her talk throughoutthe night. The mother and daughter laid on one bed that night with Aurora rambling on and on about Akhaten. At 100, Aurora was more than aware that her lifespan would allow for centuries and centuries of potential adventures. She promised to bring her mother to Akhaten when she was older.

That brought Avalon to tears.

"I know that Daddy promised he would take you but if he doesn't ever come back, I'll take you," Aurora shifted on the bed to face her mother, a clear older version of herself.

Avalon smiled sadly. "Oh princess, that'd be nice but it's okay. I don't need to go anywhere. I'm good where I am."

"But I'm going to go one day," Aurora said with an impossibly big grin. "I'm going to go to all the places in the world! I'm going to see everything and fix whatever I can to help!"

Aurora would continue to excitedly announce the galaxies she would see one day, never knowing the fear it instilled in her mother. As much as she would love for Aurora to explore the world, Avalon couldn't let go of the fear that the Silence would capture Aurora in one of those adventures. She did not want to keep her daughter locked up but she didn't want any harm to come to her either. What would she do?

As Aurora continued to grow, she started making a list of possible places to see when she was a legitimate adult. Not even the continuous moves would affect her anymore. Avalon always put on her best supportive face whenever Aurora talked about a new place to visit. Even when River would take Aurora out somewhere completely safe, Avalon was a nervous wreck. She didn't want anything to happen to Aurora.

One hundred years turned into 200 and by that time, Aurora resembled the appearance of a young girl. From a human perspective, though, she was a teenager. Fourteen years old is what Aurora's brain scans said. She was at the beginning of her teenage-hood and while Avalon prepared herself for a troubled teenage-hood resembling her own, Aurora turned out to be the opposite.

Where Avalon was impulsive and a loud mouth, Aurora was quiet and sneaky. If she had a problem, she dealt with it discreetly. She was quick but learned quite well how to pretend to move like the other students. She learned the cues of social life and when she chose to follow them, she was a natural. Almost graceful. She was adept at pretending, something neither of her parents ever mastered. Although it pained her to think about it, Avalon felt sure that if something happened to her - if the Silence ever caught up to her and Aurora was left alone, Aurora would have enough skills to hide herself. This was Avalon's second backup plan. If the plan of River hiding Aurora fell through, Aurora could still fend for herself. It was a horrible way of thinking but it was a neccessary way too.

Aurora loved travelling so it only seemed right to believe that she would be able to handle things on her own if something happened to her mother. However, all of a sudden, Aurora seemed to drop the idea of travelling. Whether or not she still wanted to, she never said, but Avalon got the jist when Aurora started expressing a desire to go to a local university after she finished her schooling.

"I'm just saying if you would like to see a college maybe off-planet, then I would be just fine with that," Avalon would smile to her daughter as convincingly as possible.

Aurora would simply shake her head. "Nope, I'm good. I found out that there's a university with a really good engineering program in the next city. I don't need to go off planet. I can stay right here with you." She reached across the isle to grab her strawberry milkshake Avalon finished making. With no cherry on top she gladly drank from the straw.

Avalon drank from her own milkshake. "Well you still have time. Plenty of it."

Aurora shrugged. "Yeah, we'll see." She eyed the mess of papers on the edge of the isle and from a quick glance, she knew what they were. "Are you writing again?"

Avalon quickly set the papers in a neat stack. "Just the usual short stories."

"Right," Aurora kept the sour tone hidden very well. She knew the short stories were used to get them by and that the real stories her mother wrote, the full books, were never going to see the light of day.

The subtle sourness would turn into bitterness when Aurora turned 16 in human terms. By that point, she was aware of everything that went on around her. She was a competent, intelligent woman. She'd learned how to navigate on her own without her mother's knowledge.

She would make sure to come home on time even when things begged to be seen and explored. She owed her mother that much. She was a law abiding citizen and a stellar student, everything to not give her mother any worries.

Avalon was too busy looking over her shoulder to notice anything. She busied herself with keeping them hidden like always. While Aurora was at school, she would do quick trips for the groceries, trips to her job to drop off new short stories, any other miscellaneous errands and then be home long before Aurora was due home from school.

Today she was busying herself with a new short story. She had a cup of tea sitting beside her while she worked through the drafts. It was like any other day...until she heard a noise.

She rubbed her forehead, thinking it was just a trick her mind was playing. It wouldn't be the first time. She picked up her pen to keep writing but three words down and the sound wasn't going away. It was actually getting louder.

"Absolutely no way," she whispered with a hammering heart. She got out of her stool and sprinted towards the door, all the meanwhile her heart prepared to burst from her chest. "No, no, no, no, no—" She opened the door to find the Doctor on the other side.

He had the decency to be nervous. He was fidgety and since Avalon only stared at him, he had nothing else to go by.

And then suddenly, she slapped him. Hard.

"Yeah...I had that coming." The next time he met her gaze, she was blazing with fury. "Ava—"

She slapped him again. "I thought you were dead," her voice was trembling as was the rest of her body. "I thought...I didn't know what to think sometimes." The Doctor nodded silently, only listening to her for the first minutes. "I didn't know if you were still fighting the Silence or if they'd killed you...or if you'd just moved on."

"No," he spoke up as soon as she said that. "I would never be able to. I had to fight until every last Silent was gone."

Avalon stared at him with no readable expression. Her eyes were shiny but not one tear had fallen. Her frazzled brain was trying to make the connection she'd just heard. "They're gone?"

The Doctor nodded. "Yes. Every last one of them. It took me 200 years but I got them. They're not going to hurt you or your family ever again."

Avalon swallowed hard. They're gone. Her mind raced with thoughts and a whirlwind of feelings. They'regonethey'regone. Her legs buckled.

The Doctor reached forwards to catch her as she collapsed. She fell against his chest and instead of pushing him away, she retreated into him. Her eyes squeezed shut.

"They're gone, they're really gone?" She sniffed.

The Doctor wrapped his arms around her body. "Yes, I promise. I'm so sorry it took me this long. I know you must be angry with me."

Avalon pulled away suddenly, her eyes flickering to the TARDIS sitting in her front garden. She shook her head and pulled him inside. She had no idea what she was doing but for now, they needed to be inside. She made a conscious quick zip through the living room — there were pictures in there that she wasn't ready to explain — into the kitchen.

"How did you find me?" she asked. She let go of his arm once they were in the kitchen.

"There was a sudden read of vortex energy," the Doctor said distractedly. He was studying the kitchen and found it to be quite normal. He always pictured Avalon living extravagantly. There was a white isle in the middle of the room with a matching white counter behind. Odd mugs lined the wall on the left side of the sink. He eyed some strange princess plates in the dish dryer.

"Vortex energy?" Avalon frowned. "I...I think I would've noticed if I suddenly leaked Vortex energy."

"Uh, the energy signatures were clear. It was brief and spontaneous but high enough for the TARDIS to sense it. She was adamant we come here." His eyes eventually found the papers on the isle. "You're writing," he smiled and met her gaze. "Do you write books now?"

Avalon's shake of head was nervous. "N-no."

The Doctor raised an eyebrow at her. There was no reason to be nervous with him. If anything, she should be angry with him. That's what he prepared himself for when he caught the reading of the vortex. He knew it had to have been her so he gathered the courage to come find her. But she wasn't angry. She was just...like that.

"It's been nearly 250 years for me," she said quietly.

"I'm so sorry," he sighed. "I swear I didn't want anything like this to happen. I didn't want to leave you. I love you. I never wanted to hurt you."

Once more, instead of being reproached with anger, Avalon took it all with a few shaky nods. "I understand." Because she literally understood his reasoning. She'd done the same.

"Really?" The Doctor knew that he could take the easy win but something about Avalon's eerie calm attitude unsettled him. He took a few steps towards her until she was locked between him and the counter. He looked into her eyes, her sweet blue eyes that he'd missed so much, and searched for any clue of what she was hiding.

"Why did you come back?" she asked. She was aware of how close they were.

His hands moved to rest on either side of her on the counter. He leaned down enough so that when he answered, she would feel his breath. "Because you're my Ava." His words caused a ripple of warmth over her chest. "I had to at least try to win you back. Am I too late? Is there someone else?"

If she wasn't so shaken, she would've laughed in his face. How could there ever be someone else? "I've been on my own."

"No," he said suddenly, pulling away from her to head for the sink.

Avalon blinked. "What?"

"You said you've been on your own but that's not true." He started pointing at the line of mugs and then the dishes in the sink. "There's too much stuff around for just one person. Someone else lives here..." He met Avalon's gaze, her nervous gaze. "Don't they?"

~0~

Aurora walked down the street of her home. She was carrying a few books in her arms that she was trying to put away into her bookbag. She didn't need her mother finding out what she was doing. It would end with the grounding of a life time.

She was stuffing the last of her books into her bag when she came into her front garden and saw a bright blue box standing there. Her book fell to the ground.

She rushed up to the blue box and touched the police sign. "You wouldn't happen to be...?"

One of the doors creaked open. Aurora stepped back and watched as the other door opened for her. The soft orange glow slowly brought her in.

"O-oh..." She had stepped inside to see the console room. It was a bright orange, just like her mother had said. It was shiny with glass floors and those odd circles on the walls just like her mother had said.

Aurora swallowed down as she carefully made her way towards the console. Her hand gingerly brushed over the controls. "It's really you..." She breathed in.

Suddenly, a hum rose from the center. Aurora jumped back but after a few more hums she realized what it was.

"You're the TARDIS. You...you let me in," she glanced at the open doors. "Do you know who I am?" She remembered her mother saying the TARDIS could open and close her doors at her will. She chose who to let in, including the Doctor himself.

Oh my God, the Doctor.

Aurora's eyes widened. "He's here," she whispered. She heard another hum. "Listen, I'm...I'm Aurora. You're my..." she languidly pointed at the time rotor, "...my grandmother. And-and the Doctor...he's my..."

The TARDIS hummed rather sadly. Aurora was sure that it was a sad hum. She always asked her mother how she knew what type of hums the TARDIS gave. Avalon would simply say that she just knew. Aurora would snort. Turns out her mother was right.

Her thoughts were interrupted when a song started playing. It took her only a second to realize what it was. She laughed.

"Very funny." She folded her arms as Once Upon a Dream continued to play. "You should know that my favorite princess is Mulan." She smiled to herself as she started making a round on the console. "I too stood out." She stopped when she spotted a couple of things hanging out from a drawer underneath. She bent down and saw some miscellaneous things inside. A cellphone, a ball of yarn, a keychain, a magnifying glass and a stethoscope. She pulled out the stethoscope and played with it. "You wouldn't happen to know where he is, right?"

The TARDIS hummed dutifully.

Aurora smiled smugly. "Yeah, I ask questions even though I already know the answers. Does he do that too?" Yet another question she already knew the answer to.

~0~

He had no right to demand any answers from Avalon. He chose to leave which meant she had every right to move on. So why was he still standing in her kitchen when it was so clear that someone else lived with her now?

Avalon felt her tongue was literally twisted. She couldn't come out and say the truth even when he asked her directly...and more than once.

"Ava, if you want me to leave, I'll do it," the Doctor said, holding back his sigh. "I never meant to hurt you. I just wanted to keep you safe." He ducked his head and left the room.

"Doctor, wait!" Avalon hurried after him. "I-I don't know how to say it—" She abruptly crashed into his back.

He'd felt a buzz in his pocket and pulled out his sonic to see it whirring alive. "What the...?" He checked the readings and soon knew what it was. He spun around to face Avalon. "Someone's in my TARDIS." He saw a visible trace of fear in her eyes. She knew. "Who's in my TARDIS?"

Avalon's eyes flickered to the clock on the wall. She gulped.

The Doctor didn't wait for her to answer. He turned away and hurried for the door.

"Doctor!" Avalon once again chased after him.

The Doctor flung the door open to run out and catch whoever was trying to mess with his TARDIS. He found a young girl with long ginger hair. She was of average height and wore a simple dark blue button up shirt with a brown cardigan and black jeans. Though her hair was in neat, casual waves, there was something oddly familiar about it. Her eyes were a nice green shade. Familiar too.

The Doctor raised an eyebrow at the girl, warranting some explanation of her presence and much more about her intrusion in the TARDIS. Instead of seeming nervous or even scared, she simply held out his stethoscope to him.

"She just let me in...like she knew even before..." she said, still sounding like she was in awe. Her expression certainly said she was.

"Aurora," Avalon breathed in. Tears were shining in her eyes.

"It's okay Mum," Aurora studied the Doctor's immediate reaction to her word. "I'm okay." Her hearts may be threatening to stop beating altogether but she was fine. Since the Doctor was frozen to his spot, she had to nod at him to take the stethoscope from her. When he still did nothing, her lips curved into a smirk. "Scared?"

It was like he was seeing Avalon in front of him. A challenger. He looked back at Avalon who couldn't string two words together. She brought her hand up to her mouth and cried behind it.

"Mum, it's okay," Aurora reiterated, offering her mother a kind smile. "I'm not upset. None of it is your fault." Her eyes locked with the Doctor again. "I want to talk to him, if that's alright...?"

The Doctor had no choice but to nod. Avalon turned away and hurried into the house. Aurora truly didn't seem fazed by her mother's behavior. She had come to terms with the reality of their situation a long time ago which left her plenty of time to plan for this moment.

"You are...?" the Doctor started when Aurora forced the stethoscope into his hand. She pushed her hair behind her shoulders and motioned him to use the stethoscope on her.

"You need to do that first," she ordered.

The Doctor silently did that. He put on the stethoscope and readied it, all in the meanwhile of holding Aurora's stare. He gingerly pressed the end of the stethoscope to her chest and heard one heartbeat. Strong and healthy.

Just as he was about to pull it away, she spoke up. "Your left."

He gave her a look but her eyes left no room for such discussion to be made. He moved the diaphragm to her left and heard the second heartbeat. She almost laughed at his reaction.

"Hi Dad," she said calmly instead, if only to see how he would react to that too.

"You're...?" He was essentially left without air. He looked her over from head to toe until he rested on her eyes once again. His eyes.

She raised an eyebrow at him. "You're late." Her mother's words right out of her lips.

The Doctor swallowed hard as he yanked the stethoscope out of his ears. "You're my...you're..."

Aurora raised a hand to shake with his. "Aurora Leigh Reynolds," she introduced herself with a much less playful tone. "Though to the people in this area, it's Aurora Smith."

With a trembling hand, the Doctor took Aurora's to shake. As soon as their hands connected, he felt a jolt kickstart his entire system. His daughter. "You're my daughter," he said, heaving a heavy sigh. "I...how could I not know...?"

"Because Mum did a very good job of hiding me from the Silence," Aurora's knowledge about the order froze the Doctor. Her eyes flickered past him to the open door behind them. "Mum doesn't know that I know, but I wouldn't be her daughter — and yours — if I didn't go searching for answers. She used to tell me that the reason we moved a lot was because she wanted to see cities. I believed her as a kid but then I started to realize that she didn't move because of her, she moved us because of me. I'm too much of a freak not to be noticed—"

That damn word continued to be a nuisance for the Ponds. It broke the Doctor's hearts on the spot to hear it come out of Aurora's lips to describe herself. Avalon used to do it all the time. "No, you're not. You're not a freak. You're..."

"Unique?" Aurora smiled sourly. "Yeah, I've heard that. Grandma River says that's what Mum and I are. But the point here is that it's because of me that Mum had to keep moving, had to always look over her shoulder to make sure nobody noticed me. She did a very good job, so much of a good job that she stopped living her life because of me."

The Doctor lowered his head. He knew exactly what Aurora meant. Avalon had prioritized Aurora — no doubt since the beginning — above anything else. That's why she wasn't upset with him...because what he has done for Avalon, she'd done the for Aurora. She made the sacrifices she needed in order to keep Aurora safe.

Aurora watched him process everything she'd said and for a moment, she felt pity for him. He had to accept the fact that not only had he missed out on her life but he had to learn what her mother had done for her sake. "C'mon," she grabbed his hand and led him inside the house. She couldn't ignore the warmth of his hand in hers. She had always wondered what it would be like to hold her father's hand and get a hug from him. She felt ridiculous now that she remembered that as a child she used to wonder what it would be like if he spun her around like a princess.

"Au...Aurora," the Doctor said once they were inside the living room. Aurora turned around and watched him test her name out in his lips. "Aurora Leigh...it's a beautiful name," he smiled at her.

Aurora didn't know what to do with herself in that moment. She folded her arms over her chest but it resembled more like she was trying to hug herself. "Aurora because of, you know...princess...but do you know what 'Leigh' means?"

"Uh, no, I don't..."

"In Celtic it means 'healer'..." Aurora lowered her gaze, "Healer as in...doctor. She named me after you."

Warmth blossomed in his chest. "No," he said suddenly, making her gaze rise again. "Your name is a blend of your mother and I. Aurora is for Avalon. It was the first story she told me of when she was a child. It was the story that brought us together when she was grown up. That story followed us to our last day together."

Something flickered across Aurora's eyes. It was almost like fascination, a deep awe that she just learned something new about her parents and it was her father who shared that knowledge. "I never thought of that. I just thought 'princess' and..." She shook her head and tucked some of her hair behind her ears. She took her book bag off and tossed it to the couch.

"Are you...?" The Doctor presumed. He wanted to know everything about her in that moment. How old was she? What did she like to eat? Did she like milkshakes like her mother? Did she hate pears like him? There were so many questions he had no idea where to begin.

"I'm glad you found me," she suddenly said, flashing him a smile when he blinked.

"What?"

"Time Vortex?" She raised her hand and allowed it to glow gold for a few seconds. "I've been trying to, um, make something. Mum said you always carried this little, um..."

The Doctor quickly pulled out his sonic screwdriver for her to see. As soon as she laid eyes on it, she beamed. His hearts warmed. "You were trying to make one?"

She nodded, almost looking mesmerized by the sonic. "Yeah, um...with some modifications. I like building things. I thought maybe I could make something similar to it but infuse it with my own energy. At the very least I could use it to draw you in...if you were still alive."

"Oh, Aurora, that could've been very dangerous."

"Which is exactly why I didn't tell Mum. I told you that I know everything and I had enough. I'm almost going to be an adult and it's time Mum got some of her life back."

"How old are you?"

"250."

The Doctor scoffed. "Hardly an adult. You're a teenager."

"I am an adult!" she stomped her foot. The Doctor smirked. She rolled her eyes. "It's not the point. I realized Mum gave up her life for me. She hasn't done anything except look after me and make sure that nobody realized I was here."

"Yeah, I can imagine she did," the Doctor nodded. "Because it's what I would've done too."

"But I don't want her to keep doing that. She doesn't have friends because of me. She doesn't go out and I know that she loved going out. Even her job...it's not what she wants. I know that she could write the best selling books out there but because it would draw attention to us, she doesn't do it. She doesn't visit Earth, she hardly sees my great grandparents. She doesn't travel at all. Dad..." She lowered her gaze almost fearfully, like she was waiting for the Doctor to scold her for the use of that word, "I need help. I need you."

The Doctor exhaled deeply. "I would do anything for you," the words fell out out of his mouth.

Aurora raised her gaze with shiny eyes. "Really?" Her voice shook. "You don't even know me."

"Your my daughter," he took a few steps towards her. "You're me, you're Avalon...you're ours. You don't understand how much I already love you." Aurora could barely swallow the lump in her throat. "And you have no idea how sorry I am for not being here with you."

Aurora felt like she was unraveling into her child self. Everything that could've been she was imagining. "I, uh, I used to wish that you were here so we could play. I loved playing princess."

The Doctor smiled softly. "Oh, I bet you did. Aurora?"

"Actually, I like Mulan. I like the swords," she bit her lip as a laugh threatened to slip out. "Plus, a cool talking dragon. I want one for a pet, actually."

The Doctor did laugh though. "That's more of your mother peeking out."

"Grandma Amy said the same thing." Aurora licked her lips nervously as she prepared to make her next question. "Are you...are you going to stay now? With Mum and I?" She searched his face for any clue of what his answer would be. "Please don't leave," she said quickly. "I-I don't want you to leave us, please!" She threw her arms around him and sniffled.

The Doctor wrapped his arms around her tightly. A fierce protectiveness flourished within him. Nothing would ever hurt her, not even him. He loved her to the moon and back. "Hey, hey, hey," he ran his hands through her hair. It really was like he was holding another version of Avalon. This was one was a young, more scared version but with stars in her eyes and an obvious glint of mischief. "I'm here, sweetheart. No matter what happens, I'm not leaving you again." He kissed the top of her head. "Your my princess."

Aurora's tear-stained face formed a smile. "Mum used to say that when I was a kid. She wasn't your princess anymore, I was."

The Doctor chuckled. "Yeah? I think she may have been right."

"Then I told her that she was your Queen instead."

"Above and beyond."

Aurora raised her head to meet her father's gaze. The same eyes stared at each other. "I love you, Dad. I've never been able to say that."

"I love you too, princess," he kissed her forehead. "Now I have to go speak with your Mum."

She nodded. "Yeah, okay." He let her go and headed for the hallway, only stopping when Aurora called after him. "If Mum says that she's okay, don't believe her. She's been by herself ever since you left."

The Doctor assured her that he wouldn't believe Avalon's lies. He continued on his way, stopping by the door that had quiet sniffles on the other side. He knocked gently against the door and opened it slightly.

Avalon was sitting on the side of her bed with her back to him. She obviously heard him come in but she didn't look back. "I was so scared when you left," she started. "I didn't know if the Silence was going to hurt you. But then I realized I was pregnant and I was terrified."

"I'm sorry, I should have...I should have talked to you about the possibilities..."

"I didn't know what I was going to do," she looked over her shoulder, revealing her reddened eyes. Her face shined with tears. "But then she was born," she whispered, "And suddenly I couldn't think of anything that wasn't her. I missed you and I loved you but I chose her in a heartbeat. I chose to forget about ever seeing you again to focus on keeping her safe."

"You did nothing wrong, Avalon," the Doctor walked over to her. "You did what a Mother always does. You cared for your child and you kept her safe. How could I blame you for that?"

Avalon turned her body around so that she could face him. "But I never forgot about you. Not a day passed by where I didn't wonder if you were alive. I never forgot about you, Fairy Tale Man."

"I always thought about you too, Ava," the Doctor smiled at her. "I'm so sorry for leaving you. I'm sorry for leaving you on your own with Aurora. If I had known about her—"

"How could you have?" she cut him off with a sad smile. "I did everything I could to keep her hidden. I didn't want the Silence coming after her."

"You protected her," he cupped her face and cleared as many tears as he could off her face. "I wish I could've been here though. I missed out on a lot by the looks of it."

"She's just like you," she chuckled through her tears.

"Yeah," he laughed with her. "I saw some of that."

"She invents things. She's been inventing things since she was a kid."

"Guilty as charged."

Avalon slid off the bed and moved towards the dresser against the wall. The Doctor followed her and watched her go through some of the picture frames sitting on top of the dresser. Finally, she picked one up and showed it to him.

Aurora was a child who couldn't seem to grin more than she already was. The Doctor laughed when he saw one of her teeth was missing. Her orange hair was in pigtails but some of it was sticking out like she'd been working on something. That 'something' had to be the small device in her hands that she was showing proudly to the camera.

"She was 6 right here and she somehow invented a weather predictor. Who needs weathermen when you have Aurora Leigh Reynolds?" Avalon mused. "She's built all types of things. I dare say she got a stronger bite of the inventing bug than you did."

The Doctor started looking at the rest of the frames. He was sure that they chronicled some of Aurora's best moments. There was one of Avalon and a younger Aurora, probably when she was around 4, at a lakeside.

"You hate camping," he remembered.

Avalon hummed. "But Aurora doesn't. She likes looking at the stars and with all the lights in the city it's impossible. We go camping once a year."

"Really?" The Doctor smiled warmly. "These all look amazing. You've done a good job with her."

Avalon carefully placed her frame back on the dresser. "But it's not enough anymore. There are some things I just can't figure out. She thinks like me but with your intelligence. She's a lot quicker than the other kids her age and sometimes it brings her unwanted attention. I know her. I know my daughter and I know that she doesn't want to live here anymore. She wants to go exploring. River takes her out sometimes."

"She sees things that others don't." The Doctor felt like he was visiting Avalon's file all over again. "The pace here isn't enough for her. There's not enough stimulation."

Avalon nodded. "She's talked about some university here but I know that the only reason she wants to go here is because she doesn't want to leave me. I've instilled the idea that we should always remain together and as much as I love that, knowing that the Silence is gone, I don't have keep her here anymore. She's free."

"As are you." The Doctor curled his hand around hers, watching her cautiously for any negative reaction she could give. He needed to test to what extent he was allowed to touch her. So far, he was only subjected to her long stare. "You've done an amazing with Aurora, she absolutely loves you, and she never wants to leave you alone. I don't want to leave you so—" he nervously licked his lips, "—if you still have any lingering feelings for me...I'd like to be with you." He heard Avalon's quiet gasp but he was unsure what type of gasp it was. Would she send him away? Tell him that he'd lost his chance? Or would she agree?

"Aurora..." She said first, making him smile. "She wants you in her life. She's always dreamt about meeting you and travelling with you..."

"I'd love nothing more than to do that with her," he nodded. "Regardless of your decision, I'd like to be a part of my daughter's life. If you decide that you don't want anything to do with me, it won't affect anything with Aurora. But if you decide that you do want me around..."

"Would you stay here with us?" she asked suddenly. "Would you stay here with us and live...here?" she made a weak gesture to the house.

"Without a doubt," he answered on the spot. He allowed her to search him for any trace of that doubt he swore didn't exist. She wouldn't find it.

"You would do that?" she asked in disbelief. She pulled her hand out of his and moved around the room. "You would do the house, the-the getting up early to take Aurora to school, the grocery shopping, the laundry, the—"

"I'd do it all, Avalon, if it meant I got to stay with you."

Avalon turned around and met his gaze. She swallowed hard. She'd forgotten the way his long gazes made her feel. She'd forgotten what it felt like to have someone want to be with her. Together. Her eyes ultimately looked away from the Doctor when a river streamed from them.

"Avalon..." the Doctor felt utterly helpless watching her slowly break into sobs.

"Please come hold me," she managed to say before the sobs took her over. "I-I—" The Doctor was already by her side before she could say more. He held her as tightly as possible but it paled in comparison to Avalon's death grip she had on him. "I don't want you to leave me again. I love you. Being with you and travelling together was my life — it was when I was the happiest. I want to come back and be with you. I want to visit places, get into trouble with you, run together."

"I want that too," he whispered.

She pulled herself away enough to look up at him. "Most importantly, I want to wake up and go to sleep at your side. I want to make milkshakes with you, bicker with you, read stories together..." Her hands found their way up to his face, fingers delicately stroking his skin. "I want to be your Ava again."

The Doctor lowered his head, his words coming out in a whisper, "I want to be your Fairy Tale Man again too."

She smiled at him through her tears. She watched him come closer until there was no space between them. Their lips reconnected for the first time in two centuries and yet it felt like no time had passed them by. They remembered every last detail about each other, from the way their fingers felt on each other's skin to the perfect angle they favored as they deepened their kiss. Everything stayed exactly the same.

Avalon parted slightly to speak, but when she did their lips would brush over each other's. "We shouldn't get carried away," she said specifically for the trailing fingers she felt under the hem of her blouse.

She felt the Doctor's smug smile against her lips. "Right," he pulled his fingers out from under her shirt to place them on her waist. "Wouldn't want to come up with a little sibling for Aurora right now."

Avalon instantly shoved him on the chest but he just laughed. "That's not funny," she said. "You know she knows about the Sapling? They've met and all and somehow they were convinced that one day, they'd have a little brother to be a trio."

"Oh," the Doctor grinned.

"Stop it!" she warned him before he said anything else. "You should also know that the only reason they planned that is to overpower us...in a heist."

The Doctor's face lit up at the word. "A heist? Against our own children? That's cold...and also strangely exciting."

"Aurora's always wanted to heist with you," Avalon sighed. "She's always had all this list of things she wished she could do with you."

"Well, I think it's about time I make some of those things happen. What do you say, Ava?"

Avalon suddenly grabbed his head and kissed him fervently. "Take me away," she managed to say in-between kisses.

The Doctor was quick to respond to such hungry kisses, but he also found time to slip out some words. "Where to?"

"Neverland."

The Doctor pulled away to meet her gaze, letting their breathless mouths fall into laughter.

~ 0 ~

Aurora was pacing back and forth in the living room when she heard her mother's bedroom door opening. Her wide eyes watched her parents emerge from the hallway and the first thing she noticed were their interlocked hands. Her hearts skipped a few beats.

Avalon met her eyes once they stood across from her. "We'll have to pack one more time."

The grin that spread across Aurora's face was from ear to ear. Aurora laughed and ran towards them. She was encased in a tight hug. "We're actually leaving? To the TARDIS?" She looked up to meet their gazes. "To-to be a family?"

"And to travel," the Doctor touched Aurora's cheek. "And learn. You're not done with school—"

Aurora rolled her eyes. "But I know more than everyone does!"

"See?" Avalon glanced at the Doctor while she gestured to Aurora. "Your daughter."

But all the Doctor did was smile proudly. "Yes she is." Aurora beamed at him. "And she's going to be phenomenal."

"Feed the ego," Avalon sighed. "That's also yours."

The Doctor did not care at all. He just held her and Aurora together, as tightly as possible, while he wondered where-oh-where he would bring his princess and queen first.

#ocappreciation #doctor who #dw imagine #dw fics #11th doctor #11th doctor imagine #doctor who fics #fic: fairy tale memoirs #oc: Avalon Reynolds #oc: Aurora Leigh Reynolds

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threewaysdivided · 5 years ago

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Yo hey!!! I just read through your YJ:DW series and I absolutely love it??? So much??? You write absolutely marvelously and have such a wonderful devotion to characterization and everything feels very Real and Natural. Your pacing is most excellent, you really know when things need to be lingered on and when they don’t need much more than a passing mention. And g o d I absolutely adore how you characterize so many characters, but particularly Danny. Like, he’s still the same Danny from the-(1/?)

show, but he’s changed in very particular ways that really match with what he’s been through. He’s very cautious and nervous and frightened after everything that’s happened, afraid to trust, to let people know too much. And that makes sense with everything he’s been through! He’s been on the run for so long, settling in one place definitely chafes at him. More than he feels it should, but it does. And like! He’s so wary and on edge with meeting the Team and the League members. I am def- (2/?)

-initely looking forward to seeing even more of their interactions. And like!!! The team’s reactions!!! Are so well thought out and just fantastic. Like, how Robin is aiming for a mix of normalcy and just a touch of protectiveness. And M’gann is curious and welcoming and doing her best to be Team Mom without being overwhelming. And how Wally is so intensely disbelieving and flippant QND almost abrasive to Phantom. I really wonder how he’s going to change in his approach to Phantom,- (3/?)

-like if he’ll dig his feet in even further to the point of rejecting reality in an attempt to maintain the reality in his own mind, or if he actually will start considering the science behind ghosts possible. I’m so excited to see how that develops. Also, aside, can I just say I loved getting Black Canary’s perspective on things with the last chapter? It revealed a lot more of Danny’s proper abilities and strengths than ya’d necessarily be able to piece together with a younger perspective-(4/?)

-and it just really helps develop the dynamics of everything even more. I’m wondering if you’re going to end up giving Danny enhanced strength or not, and if so to what degree, as an aside, explaining a bit more why he might be pulling his punches. I also wonder if he has any hesitation with fighting living folks who aren’t actively trying to hurt him, seeing as he mostly has experience fighting Ghosts and Hunters. Also also, I’m just so excited to see them all go on a mission!!! (5 or 6/?)

-Aaaah I could keep gushing for a Good While but I’m forgetting how many asks I’ve sent and I don’t want to bother you toooo much, so Imma just finish with you write beautifully and I’m So EXCITED to see where you go with things and like aaaaaaaaah, ya kno!!! (6 or 7/ 6 or 7)

Okay, first things first, you are absolutely not bothering me. You found a piece of free content that I put up and - with no obligation or expectation - sent me six messages detailing how much you liked it, and that’s Delightful. It made my morning. ‘Bothering’ is more than welcome on this blog. Encouraged, even!

We’ve got a lot to cover so let’s get to it:

Danny’s Characterisation

Danny’s character has been a bit of a challenge to balance at times but I’m pretty pleased with how he’s shaping up. There was this trend I noticed back when I started where - even in fics I really like - people had a frustrating tendency to swing him too much in one or the other direction; either turning him into a confident wise-cracking hyper-powerful hyper-skilled Troubled Badass™ who everyone respected even if he was humble about it, or into a Sad™ Broken™ Tormented™ cinnamon roll who just wanted love and who trusted and is trusted by every hero with minimal persuasion, when really he’s somewhere in the middle.

He’s a hero, yes, but he’s also a teenager. He’s experienced and competent, but it’s in the self-taught way that leaves him with rough edges, blindspots and a lack of technical skill. He can be a good, confident leader when the situation calls for it but he’s also someone who reads as fairly socially introverted and canonically has personal self-confidence issues, anxious and depressive traits and really wants to be accepted by his peers. He’s friendly and funny and likeable but lacks social experience in a casual setting and can struggle with expressing his feelings, knowing the right thing to say/ do and being open with people. He’s not just one or the other. He’s both.

I also really wanted to explore the Death and Secrets plot points with more emotional detail. It felt like a lot of the time in stories where he lost his family, Danny would either stall out in a tormented Grief State right until a Power of Love/ Friendship-prompted revival toward the final act, or he’d be sad for 5-10 short chapters then bounce back to his old self and go off with his New Family like it ain’t no thing. With Deathly Weapons I want the characters to have to grow and come together naturally; to earn their healing and show why/how they’d come to like and trust each other, or decide that the other person is worth making the investment.

The Team

It’s kind of funny in hindsight but the Team’s development was a oddly late addition to the planning. Which was fine for Arc I - being very Danny-centric - but then, as I was brainstorming Arc II it kind of hit me that if I was going to call this fic Young Justice: Deathly Weapons I should really try to showcase what I liked so much about the series. And then I realised how much Danny’s experiences (canonical and DW-verse) and Team Phantom paralleled different members of the S1 cast, and how much character exploration potential there was to be had. Arc II is basically just 8 teens looking at each other and going “We’re not so different you and I” in various settings for 20+ chapters.

There’s this nice quote from Stieg Larsson that I think sums up how I see both Danny and the different members of the Team fitting together:

“I’m not going to compete with you. I’m better than you are at what I do. And you’re better than I am at what you do.”

All of them have at least one thing they’re good at, and at least a few weaknesses that other members can cover. Their skills are complementary, their personalities and experiences are complimentary and none of them feel redundant in being there. And with the extra challenges a DW-verse AU opens up, it creates a space where Phantom can slot in without having to displace an existing well-established member.

It also makes revolving perspective a lot of fun as I can tag in whoever’s mindset and perspective best fits the tone and information that needs to be delivered, rather than risking any one character losing their characterisation to their role as de facto narrator.

Despite how he’s acting right now, Wally is actually one of my favourites. Needless to say there’s a lot more going on with our resident speedster than simple garden-variety ecto/paranorma-phobia, but that’ll be explored more in the chapters Flashpoints, Combustion and Equilibrium.

Training and Powers

Bruce and Dinah both make fun writes because they’re adults with more maturity and experience, which makes them great sources of diegetic exposition and perception that the main Team wouldn’t carry as well.

I’ve gotten a few questions about Danny’s powers in that chapter and how close they play to canon, so I should probably clear that up. First thing is that DP’s canon is very wibbly wobbly about Danny’s power set (Is it super-strength letting him lift that or is he touch-transferring flight to make it weigh less? Are those ectoblasts actually fire or was that just an animation flourish? Can he teleport or is he just really fast and invisible? Does him lifting a rake that one time mean he has telekinesis or was it just a quick sight-gag?) so I’ve had to make some calls with grouping and sometimes dropping or altering edge-case powers to create a system that makes sense. The other thing is that Chapter 17 is Danny explaining the things he consciously uses on the job and exploring how they compare to similar DC powers, rather than detailing out every single aspect that makes him different from regular humans. (Kind of like how you wouldn’t bring up your own lung capacity, 20/20 distance vision or excellent patellar reflex unless someone drew your attention to it). The chapter mostly serves to do some character set-up for later and drop some needed exposition so that Danny won’t have to be breaking the flow of future missions to explain very basic facts about his abilities the first time he uses them.

As for pulling his punches, some of it is certainly to do with him being uneasy about fighting breakable living beings when he’s used to ridiculously tough Ghost Beasts, and some of it was specifically due to who he was paired against. But again, that’s something we’ll explore in future chapters.

Pacing and Writing

At this point I can only put this down to lots of planning, drafting and taking inspiration from the styles and structures of some very, very good published authors. Quite a few chapters started out as simple exposition dumps or time skips before I realised that they’d have more value expanded out into full entries of their own. (My drafting process = step 1: write too briefly, step 2: balloon to massively bogged down self-indulgent explorations, step 3: reign it in to something readable).

Books I definitely took stylistic influence from:

1. Steig Larsson’s, Swedish crime-mystery series The Millenium Trilogy. Lisbeth is one of my character references for writing both Batman and Robin.(NOTE: Hard MA+ rating, cw for explicit discussions and depictions of misogyny, homophobia, violence, gendered violence, sexual assault, stalking, drug use and Nazis. Good books but Discretion Advised.)

2. Markus Zusak’s The Book Thief.General influence/ reference for prose and imagery, especially for the tone of Roads to Safe Places (ch.15).(Beautifully written story about humanity, but set in WWII-era Germany so be advised that Nazism, Nazis, War and Death feature heavily.)

3. Patrick Rothfuss’ The Kingkiller ChroniclesGeneral influence/reference for style and prose, YJ:DW Ch. 15′s title is a deliberate call out to the same title in Chapter 18 of KKC Book 1.(Fantasy books with some fantasy violence and a little bit of sex but nothing especially shocking.)

I’m just so excited to see them all go on a mission!!!

Me too! Quick question though:

Just one? Or are all of these okay? 😏

Now that I think about it there’s a weird dearth of story missions outside of the one needed for set-up in most YJxDP stories. Not sure why. Anyway, Deathly Weapons is a beast, we’re going to do at least 10. I gotchu fam.

Aaand I think that’s everything. Thanks for dropping in, feel free to stop by anytime. Hope to see you around! ❤

#young justice: deathly weapons #chapter 17 #In which I meet a wonderful person #strangelady1331 #3WD answers

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lire-casander · 5 years ago

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Of the pieces you’ve written for the Roswell NM fandom, which one is your favorite that you posted and why? Were there any you loved but felt didn’t get the reception you expected? And, regarding the monster fic - will there be Malex? Thank you, and love your writing!

I have written 42 pieces for the RNM fandom, which is a lot in less than a year, if I may say so!

Of all my stories, I am oddly proud of a few, which is a feat since I don’t really like my fics, but I’m happy with how 4 turned out to be:

1. arashi (I will never ever stop saying this is by far my fave) –> @chamblerstara gave me the best of ideas to work with, and I went with it as well as with rain as a theme, and tada! I really like the growing tension that blows up in their faces, and how it circled back to them and the rain and their feelings.

2. commit to memory this path afire –> it’s the longest fic I’ve posted in this fandom, and it took me so long to finish it. It was a struggle halfway through it, but I had the best help in the world and @hannah-writes made it readable and wonderful

3. just like these memories i can’t undo –> I have a penchant for Alex helping Michael when he’s spiraling. It was written for a prompt that I was so graciously given through an ask, and if @insidious-intent didn’t stop talking to me after having to read through the first draft of it, then I know she’ll stay around forever. It was yet another fight, because the characters didn’t want to be written the way I had pictured them to, but I really liked the fic.

4. ten feet under and upside down –> here’s a secret: I write fics around one single sentence. I mean: I think of a line, of a scene, and I build the whole fic around it, no matter where that line is in the final plot. This one started out with the line that’s the summary; it was so powerful, that it took me by surprise. Writing this as a character study for Michael, how losing his mother affected him and how he deals with the aftermath of learning about his past… it was a gift I didn’t think I could write. Yet there it is!

About fics I wish they had got better reception? I guess there are a few, but there’s one I still feel a bit bitter about. I wrote a fic about Mara, about how she had to put her son in a pod and give herself up so Michael could live, it’s titled the way our horizons meet, and although it got several hits, I still think it was deeply overlooked. Maybe it’s just my impression, to be honest.

Regarding monster!fic, I’m afraid I don’t know. I wanted it to be Malex, but we’re 5 chapters into writing, and for now the only pairing it’s Miluca, but it’s never explicit. Since I want it to be as close to canon as possible, it had to start over with Miluca, with Max dead and with Rosa alive. The pairings that are listed in my sketch document (the place where all the ideas go) are:

Michael/Maria - because of canon

Michael/Alex - because I can’t live without them

Liz/Max - because duh, they’re an item now

Kyle/Jenna - because they’re my favorite het ship in this fandom

But we’ll see how it develops. I’ve already written the ending for the fic (and I have yet to choose a title!), and I can tell you something: there will be Malex, but I’m not sure when!

#lire's fiction #lire babbling #anon love #nonnie love #you asked #you ask and lire answers #monster fic deserves its own tag #miluca #malex #echo #kyle/jenna #oh my i got wordy here #sorry for the rambling

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phandomficfests · 5 years ago

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Writer’s Corner: phanburnhamizzard

Introductions

First things first, tell us a little about yourself. Hi, I’m Jenny! I’m a 46 year old who works in the Physical Therapy field and has recently discovered that I am Asexual. I have a younger sister who is smarter, prettier, and healthier than I am, and no, that isn’t fair, lol. I have a Grandmom who is 99 (!) and a kitten, Lucy, who is 4 months old. I recently lost my best kitty friend, Violet, who was 18. I love listening to audio books, writing, playing World of Warcraft, watching stand up comedy, watching Dan and Phil, playing with Lucy, and unsuccessfully trying to fix all that is wrong on the internet.

How long have you been writing for? Since I was about 12 years old. I wrote non-fiction essays and a ton of poetry. When I was 18, I placed first in my state and third in the United States for a poem I wrote. I recently re-read it. The competition must have been pretty light that year ;-)

Tell us about your current project. I am writing a piece for the Phandom Reverse Bang where Dan and Phil are in Heaven. It is a challenge, as I don’t want it to bring anyone down, but since they are dead, there is some sadness in it. I started it off as a comedy, and will ease people into the reality of their situation slowly, and then end with some comfort and hope.

What is your current word count? On my current work it is 4727.

Questions on Writing

What was your favorite book as a child, and has it influenced your style or preferred genre of writing? The Chronicles of Narnia, which my mother read to us each night. This is a great question, but I feel like I’m going to let you down when I answer that I don’t think it influenced my writing style or preferred genre of writing. It definitely influenced what I like to read (fantasy)! My writing style is very dialogue driven and reality based. I try to make Dan and Phil as realistic as possible, even in the AUs. Some of the compliments I treasure the most are when people tell me that they can just hear Dan and Phil saying the things that I wrote.

What was the moment where you realized you wanted to write about Dan and Phil specifically? I read a short fic on Tumblr about 5 years ago, one of those that was going around for a while with the style of 4 things this and 1 thing that. I wish I could find it or remember the title, but basically, it was 4 times Phil answered the phone and 1 time he didn’t. I don’t know if it was because it seemed so plausible, because it moved me, or perhaps because it was short, but I thought, “Hmm. I wonder if I could do that?”

Are there any themes or tropes that you particularly like to explore in your writing? I love reality. I love writing what I think is happening, will happen, or has happened in greater detail than they reveal. I love comfort and cuddles, support and humor, and of course, some romance.

What’s your editing process like? Do you outline first, write in drafts, use a beta reader? If I’m writing for something big, like the Phandom Big Bang, I use an outline, then fill in the paragraphs with story points, then go back through and flesh them out, then hand it over to my AMAZING friend and beta chloechecksmyflow who fixes everything and makes it readable. Then I read it aloud and make some polishing touches, and then I submit it and hope for the best!

If I am writing a shorter piece or something that I’m just going to put up for myself and hope that people find it, I get an idea and just write from start to finish in one go, then go back through and edit it 3 times, then publish it. I don’t use an outline for those pieces and honestly, it shows. I really should take more time with them.

What’s the strangest place you’ve ever taken story inspiration from? @AlannaHarlow did an art challenge where she took a topic and drew a beautiful piece of art for that topic for every day for a month. I jumped in on day 2--uninvited but sweetly welcomed--and wrote a fic for each topic. Since they prompts were made for the visual arts, the stories were often very challenging for me to come up with. “Korean Fashion” comes to mind as a particularly hard one. I even made one piece just a series of Haiku on the theme because that is all that would fit. It was a great exercise in stretching my imagination, that’s for sure!

What has been the most challenging fic for you to write? “The Power Of Friendship”. It was my first PhandomBigBang and it has some very heavy moments in it. Spoiler alert, everything turns out fine (which isn’t really a spoiler because in my fics, everything always turns out fine!) but there are two chapters that broke my heart and brought me to tears. The story had to have those traumatic moments to work, but I had a very difficult time placing the boys in the type of emotional and physical pain they had to be in to make the plot realistic and interesting.

What one piece of advice would you give someone that wants to be a better writer? Write. Write every day. Even if you have no plans to share it, just write a little something. Every time you write, that pathway between your brain and the page or keyboard gets easier to navigate. Don’t worry about how good it is, or if the idea makes sense, or what some stranger might think of it. Don’t even bother editing it. Just write something down. Once that connection is strong, you’ll be surprised to find what you see popping up on the screen in front of you!

Don’t forget that you can check out Jenny on tumblr at @phanburnhamizzard or on AO3 here. If you’d like to be on the list for a Writer’s Corner feature, sign up here!

#writer's corner

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jorrmungandr · 5 years ago

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2019 was a good year for games.

Lots of interesting new ideas in the space, and some refinements of old ones. Here’s a list of my personal favorite games of this year, in no particular order. Making an ordered list can be fun, but it’s ultimately pretty pointless.

Video games are such a diverse medium at this point that it’s really like comparing apples and oranges. How does Baba Is You stack up against Dragon Quest XI S? They have almost nothing in common, and their aims are so different that it makes no sense to compare them directly.

Speaking of….

Baba Is You

There are a lot of indie puzzle games out there. Making a little mind-bending puzzle is something that’s easy to do on a relatively small budget. There are also a lot of games that mimic old pixel art aesthetics of earlier game systems, to greater and lesser success. Making a truly great puzzle game, though, is a true accomplishment. Something that combines a wildly different array of elements in interesting ways, but maintains a simple readability that allows you to return to puzzles after months away and instantly recognize what’s going on.

Baba Is You is a game that accomplishes this and more. It operates on very simple, basic rules, but the way they escalate over time and require you to think outside more and more boxes with every single puzzle is simple astounding. A lot of puzzle games escalate their difficulty so quickly that it’s easy to get discouraged, put off by the impossible tasks you’re being asked to perform. Where Baba shines is that it gives you a perfect runway, teaching you things slowly but surely through a series of challenges.

This is a game where you will instantly go from feeling like the world’s greatest super-genius to a complete and utter fool in a matter of moments, from finishing one stage to starting the next. Over and over again, for dozens and dozens of levels. No game has ever better demonstrated the value of brain rest, stepping away from a problem and letting your subconscious work on it for a while. Every time I came back to a puzzle after a couple hours, I would suddenly see some option I never saw before.

One final note, the graphics are actually a perfect fit for this game. A lot of times, pixel art feels like a gimmick, something to do when you don’t have a good idea, or just mindless nostalgia-baiting. But here, it serves a gameplay purpose, giving you an absolutely clean view of the elements in play at a glance, and also serves as an homage to the simple-yet-challenging puzzle games of those older eras.

Code Vein

And now, for something completely different: An extremely anime-styled souls-like. I remember hearing about this game years and years ago, and thinking that it looked kinda… bad. But, in the meantime they really brought it all together into something fun, if not very innovative.

Code Vein is exactly the sort of thing I look for in a souls-like: it takes the basic formula and adds some new mechanics to it, and has an identity of its own. Instead of a medieval fantasy world, it’s a post-apocalyptic modern city crawling with vampires and zombies. It takes inspiration from stylish, gothic anime of the past couple decades: Code Geass, Blood+, Tokyo Ghoul, etc. The character creator is extremely detailed, but mostly when it comes to clothes and accessories.

The gameplay is… fine. It’s balanced around always having an AI companion, so they can throw bigger groups of enemies at you. It doesn’t require the same sort of intense caution of the Souls series, but that makes it more of a fun, casual experience. At least until you’re fighting a boss, then it suddenly requires you to really be on your game with dodging. If I have one complaint, it’s that the difficulty is incredibly bumpy, some areas are a cake walk and others have you struggling through every encounter.

Oh, also the area aping Anor Londo from Dark Souls. Not because it’s derivative, that’s totally fine, but because it’s a maze where everything looks the same and it’s a real pain to get through. Souls games are at their best when areas have good landmarks and make a kind of logical sense. Earlier in the game you pass through a big parking garage, and it’s perfect, just the sort of thing that translates well to this kind of game. But this cathedral-ish area… it just sucks.

It really is quite shameless.

Overally, it’s just a solid souls-like. I enjoyed the crunchy RPG elements, switching classes and balancing your weapons and armor to get good mobility and damage. The ability to just equip cool-looking attack moves as skills you can use, like spells in Souls games, is something I’d really like to see in more games in this sub-genre.

Fire Emblem: Three Houses

I was kind of skeptical about this game before it came out. Mostly because it was bringing back weapon durability, a mechanic I’ve always hated in these games, but that ended up being a non-issue. Also the school setting made me a bit wary, thinking it was just gonna end up being some Persona-esque thing where you spend tons of time on mundane nonsense while an actual war is going on.

That was all baseless, it turns out. They balance the idea of a military academy with a traditional Fire Emblem structure remarkably well, giving you a lot of freedom around what you want to do when you play the game. You can run around the monastery talking to students, managing your relationships, or you can just do a ton of tactical battles if you want.

The storytelling was remarkably good, though I feel like it was harmed a bit by the weird way it handled multiple routes with different big mysteries. Some routes ended up completely ignoring or just not getting around to some pretty major mysteries. I’m a person who likes long games, but expecting someone to go through all four routes to figure out what’s going on is a bit much.

But more than that, the way it holds back certain reveals hurts the writing in other ways. The actual revelations can’t really have any effect on the characters and their relationships because it all happens at the very end of the game. It keeps the world feeling a bit flat, without any reactions. The mysteries feel extraneous to the plot, in a weird way, when they are so important to certain characters’ identities and the core conflicts that drive the second half of the game.

The gameplay is okay, though a few of the maps are way too big. The portable Fire Emblem games reigned in the map sizes from the old NES and SNES ones, which was a great thing. But now we’re back to moving a whole army one unit at a time for multiple turns just to get to the next group of enemies. The class system was fun to engage with, balancing learning different skills to open up new opportunities, but the gender-limited classes were a real disappointment. Why can’t men ride pegasi? Why can’t women punch good? It’s bizarre, and honestly felt like it had some stuff left over from early drafts, like the pointless dark mage classes.

This has been a lot of complaining about a game I played for close to a hundred hours. Why is this game even on my list? Because the characters are fucking fantastic, and on a basic level the tactical battles are a lot of fun. It offers a paternalistic form of power fantasy, fostering and guiding your children-warriors and then seeing them destroy your enemies. It is just incredibly satisfying to play. And for all that the mysteries end up a bit frustrating, they are intriguing, and do a good job of motivating you to get through a very lengthy game.

Bloodstained: Ritual of the Night

Ah, love a good IGAvania.

This was a year where I really reached for comfort food games a lot, and this is maybe the king of that category. It’s just an old style of game that doesn’t get made anymore, done extremely well by the guy who used to make ’em all the time. Nothing super different or innovative, just the same old thing with a couple new tweaks.

It’s an easy game, but that’s entirely by design. It’s about running around this castle killin’ monsters, collecting new abilities, just exploring and poking around the corners. It’s a game that is, ultimately, designed to be comfortable. And in a time of such strife in the world around us, what could be better?

Disco Elysium

There’s already been a lot written about this game, tons of praise heaped on its writing and its interesting, hauntological world that is so similar to our own, and yet so different. Frankly, I’m really glad I got turned into this before it even came out, if I heard all that overblown praise I’d never have ended up actually sitting down and playing it.

Here’s what I’ll say: This game is a look at an ugly world, and it gives you a lot to think about, but it actually doesn’t take itself too seriously. There are a ton of extremely funny moments, a lot of straight-up goofy-ass jokes. This is not medicine that you have to suffer through, just take it as it comes and it’s a good time. This is what allows its writing to really land, it’s not lecturing you from on high, it’s engaging on a lower, more personable level.

It’s also not some super serious text that you have to pore over and consider extremely closely at every moment. It’s a game, you can save scum and try to exploit mechanics and look up answers to mysteries. Much like Souls games, people come up with all sorts of weird rules about the “proper” way to play games like this, but in the end your experience is up to you.

One final note: the game does start off with a kind of off-putting ironic tone. Some people try to downplay this, but it’s there. I can only say this: if you give this game a chance, you’ll be rewarded. It is worth getting through a few sarcastic jabs to get to the good stuff later on. It’s not some perfect audio-visual experience that will entrance you from the opening moments to the credits, it’s just a video game.

Dragon Quest XI S

I first played Dragon Quest XI last year on PC, and I enjoyed it a lot! But I didn’t actually finish that version, not really. I put a lot of time into, but ultimately burned out on the grind towards the very end.

The form that games come in is very important to how they are experienced. Dragon Quest games work best as portable games, I truly believe. It also helps that this version on the switch added the ability to speed up regular battles, so you don’t have to sit through some long attack animations over and over. The more important aspect, though, is simply the ability to pick it up and put it down more easily.

Sitting down at my PC, plugging in my controller, and pulling up a game is a subtly labor-intensive thing. It means I’m devoting a lot of attention to a game, and it has to do something to earn that on a moment-to-moment basis. The ability to just push a single button on the switch and get back into means that I’m willing to forgive a lot more down time.

Anyway, the game itself: this is not just a very good Dragon Quest game, it is the ultimate Dragon Quest game. It truly shows the value in iteration over pure innovation, taking all sorts of different mechanics and ideas from past games in the series and bringing them all together in one big package. But it doesn’t feel overstuffed, it’s just doing the same thing these games have always done, just really, really well.

Dragon Quest XI successfully pays tribute to the older games in the series while also telling a new story with entertaining twists and turns, and fun and interesting characters. It’s beautiful, everything runs smoothly, the writing is charming and light. It’s not on the same level as Disco Elysium, but it’s not aiming for that sort of thing. It’s a fairy tale, a fable, a reflection of the world in a different sense.

A lot of game critics missed this game because it’s long. And that is absolutely fair, it’s hard to fit a 100-hour game into a review schedule in this day and age. But it’s an absolute gem, a truly wonderful experience from beginning to end. I’d recommend it to anyone who just wants a game to relax with at the end of the day.

Monolith: Relics of the Past

Like some sort of Christmas miracle, there was an expansion pack released for one of my favorite roguelikes on Christmas day, just last week.

Monolith is the best twin-stick shooter roguelike, I will make no bones about it. Forget your Gungeons and your Bindings of Isaac, this is a classic NES-styled game with an absolutely pitch-perfect aesthetic and sense of humor. It serves both the twin-stick shooting and the roguelike parts of its genre perfectly, giving you a strong basic weapon to rely on, and also a guarantee of something more interesting but random in every run.

Man, there are games that I enjoy more, but I really, truly feel that this is one of the best-crafted games of the past few years. And this expansion only made it better: fixing up the UI and tooltips to make things more clear, rebalancing the weapons so that they are all useful, adding more variety to runs.

I’m not the best at Monolith, it took me quite a while to get a full win, but that doesn’t make it any less fun to play. In my youth, I was really quite good at bullet-hell games, but nowadays those reflexes aren’t there. It’s a game designed for people who can dodge endless bullet curtains, and also, now more than ever, for those who struggle with it.

It’s truly inspiring to see something that takes from the past and the present and fuses it together into something so wonderful. There are other games that really capture the NES aesthetic and sensibility, like Odallus or The Messenger, but this one really gets the spirit of that whole era of games. It is at once light and airy, and also punishingly difficult. It offers tricks and outs, but also remains utterly mysterious and intimidating.

And that’s it. There are more games I enjoyed this year, like the remake of Link’s Awakening, but these are the big ones that stick out in my mind.

There are a lot of big narrative-heavy games I never got around to finishing, or even starting. It just doesn’t really fit with how I play games these days, listening to podcasts and aiming to relax, not engage with something on a deep level.

That’s okay, though. I’ll get around to ’em in the fullness of time.

Games of the Year 2019 2019 was a good year for games. Lots of interesting new ideas in the space, and some refinements of old ones.

#baba is you #Bloodstained: Ritual of the Night #code vein #Disco Elysium #Dragon Quest #Dragon Quest XI S #fire emblem three houses #goty #Monolith #video games

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