#finally the happy gay i hopes for but didn't know if i'd get

[ghost-of-diogenes]

Righteous Gemstones, season 3, episode 8. 25:23.

It feels weird to win, and to have done so two times in a row

[anxious-witch]

Okay, absolutely not a diss at the original post about Edwin's attraction to men being treated as punishment because all the men that have feelings for him hurt him and Charles, who he loves not feeling the same. It's a valid analysis and I absolutely see what op meant but but I wanted to expand on it in a more hopeful way, because I do feel like the show is, at it's core, a hopeful one, but I also didn't wanna like. Derail the post with this in a reblog so here is a separate one.

Yes, Simon sacrified him to a demon, the Cat King trapped him and consequently left him vulnerable to danger there and Monty betrayed him, but have they not also helped him face who he is? Regardless of if you think of them as villians or not, they showed him things he wanted. If Edwin left Port Townsend as soon as they were done with the case, he would have remained more or less unchanged, but would that truly have left him better off?

Moreso, Edwin changed them. Cat King realized at the end that he cannot keep Edwin unless Edwin wants to stay. That loneliness is not cured by forcing one to stay by your side, but rather by sharing a companionship. Monty realized that even if Edwin did not love him the same way, he cared for him and if circumstances were different, their friendship could have blossomed into something else too. He showed Monty that he can have thoughts and feelings outside of Esther. Hell, even if the Cat King didn't show up, it seemed like Monty was going to give up his plan to betray Edwin. Because he loved him, in the best way he knew how, in that moment. Simon by forgiving him, and letting him finally accept himself so he can move on, and Edwin realized being gay doesn't have to be a punishment. He said so himself. That the one thing that keeps them in hell, in true hell is them thinking it's a punishment.

And Charles? Charles who went to Hell for Edwin, who defied the story so ancient and powerful and got Edwin out of Hell? No matter if they end up as endgame or not, have they not already proven this is not a tragedy? This is not a punishment? If he didn't love Edwin, he would have never turned back, but he did. If it was a punishment, Edwin would have been taken again. But instead, they got out and they stayed together.

What I am trying to say is, yes, there is pain and there is hurt, but which relationship doesn't have that? Who didn't have a friend, a lover, a parent, hurt them in one way or another? That doesn't mean there was no love there, simply that that love needs more adjusting. And they all changed and began adjusting to fit a new situations and relationships they found themselves in. And I feel like, if this was a straight story, it would be exactly that.

Yes, Edwin still has a long way to go and I sincerely hope he gets his happy ending, whichever love interest he ends up choosing, but I don't think even know, this is the story of someone being tortured for being queer. It's a story of a bunch of people learning how to be who they truly are, and making mistakes all the while. But that's okay. Because they grow from it. And isn't that beautiful, in it's own way?

Simon, the bully who actually fancies the MC, Cat King, an older, more experienced guy who sees something special in the MC for the first time, Monty, the first, sweet romance that everyone wants but that doesn't end the way you expected. And of course, the best friend that has been "the one" this whol time. Those are all pretty common romance trope. We just rarely see them all together, and with some tweaking, but I'd say they make them more hopeful because that.

That's why I don't see "Love is a punishment for not having been strong enough to remain alone." as true for this particular media. Because it isn't-it's a learning experience that changes you. Perhaps not always pleasant, but we all must grow. Not even ghosts can stay unchanged.

[curlyjohnlock]

Hi,

I'm new to this. I'm genuinely curious how johnlock fandom happened. I watched sherlock and didn't notice any chemistry between them. I'm just trying to understand. And how do you feel about Ben and Martin not liking each other in real life? Thanks.

Hello anon!

The Johnlock fandom was born long before BBC Sherlock aired. I think there was a speculation about them in the late 1800s but, obviously, talking about homosexuals was out of the question at the time. But the ship took off in 2010, when it all started.

I have met several people in the fandom who told me they didn't notice anything romantic between the two at first viewing, but then they had to change their minds with rewatches.

Now, it must be said that the characters themselves constantly imply that the two of them behave like a couple.

1. Mrs Hudson

From the first moment, in A Study in Pink, she believes that Sherlock has brought his new 'boyfriend' home.

In The Empty Hearse, she can't believe that John is now engaged to a woman.

"So soon after Sherlock?"

"Hmm... well, yes."

"What's his name?"

"It's a woman."

"A wOmAn?!?" and then she laughs. She sounds rather incredulous, perhaps believing he is moking her.

"You really have moved on, haven't you?"

2. Mycroft

Nobody knows Sherlock better than Mycroft. In A Study in Pink, when he meets John for the first time, he says: "Might we expect a happy announcement by the end of the week?" and literally Sherlock and John met the DAY BEFORE! Why would Mycroft bother stalking a poor army doctor if he doesn't believe that Sherlock could be attracted to him? 🤷🏼‍♀️

In The Final Problem, Mycroft already knew that Sherlock would sacrifice him and save John. Sherlock loves John more than Mycroft, AND HE'S HIS OWN BROTHER!

3. Angelo [the restaurant owner in A Study in Pink (although I prefer the one in the Unaired Pilot, better known as the Gay Pilot)].

Angelo has known Sherlock for years, and why would he make Sherlock attractive to John? "Hey, you know this macho guy got me out of prison?" "OH! Wait! I'll get you a phallus candle, that'll be very romantic. 🥰😍😛"

4. Donovan

In The Great Game, when Sherlock finds the abandoned car, Donovan says to John: "I see you're still hanging around him. Opposites attract, I suppose."

This one may not be the best example, but it's worth including.

5. Irene Adler

My God that woman. She's in love with Sherlock, and that's fine. Who wouldn't fall in love with Sherlock or his brain? But she also knows that Sherlock only has his heart set on John. In A Scandal in Belgravia, when they go to her house, she immediately says to Sherlock: "And somebody loves you. If I had to punch that face, I'd avoid your nose and teeth too."

Then, when John goes to Battersea and meets her, she asks: "Are you jealous?"

"We're not a couple."

"Yes, you are."

Again, she met them for literally 3 minutes and immediately realised it!

6. Mary

Mary should hate Sherlock to death (and I'm still convinced that she never liked Sherlock).

What was that proverb again? Respect the owner's dog for your own sake. It means: like the dog to please the owner. Or something like that.

In this case, the owner is John and the dog is Sherlock. It's obvious that at a certain point Mary starts shipping them, almost as if she doesn't really care about John.

7. Magnussen

In His Last Vow, Magnussen meets Sherlock and John for a few minutes, and immediately tells them: "You two are sooo domesticated." Later in the episode, he tells Sherlock that John is "your damsell in distress."

I hope this was exhaustive from Johnlock's point of view! Maybe try looking at it from another point of view and rewatch the whole serie. At that point, if you're still not convinced, it's okay, anon, we don't bite!

Moving on to Benedict and Martin... we all know that Martin has a particular character and that he has trouble getting along with literally anyone, but I don't believe the newspapers. They are journalists, they HAVE to cause a SCANDAL!! Otherwise no one would read them. They take sentences from a completely different context and pass them off as true. Take for example when it was said that Benedict had called Martin 'pathetic.'

There is a video of this interview. The presenter asked Benedict to drink tea the way Martin drinks it, Benedict imitates him and then says 'pathetic', but it is not strictly intended to refer to Martin.

I know for a fact that Martin took it out on Benedict when he got married to Sophie Hunter, just because he didn't invite Martin to his wedding. On the same day, Amanda reported Martin's tantrums on twitter!!! 🤣🤣

Anyway! Even if the rumors were true, it doesn't matter. It's their problem, not ours.

Yes, it may upset us as fans, but these two are real people in the real life.

I'll conclude with this. If you have any other questions, feel free to contact me again! And anyone is welcome to comment on this or ask me anything. 👋🏻

[secretkittywolf]

Fairy Tail ships I ship

(I don't own any of the fanart used. Credit to the original creators)

Nalu

They're so cute!!!

I adore these two so much. I hope that they become cannon in the 100yr Quest (if they haven't already since I haven't read it)

Nali

Besties for life!

They have such a cute brother-sister relationship and Natsu was so happy when the Edolas Lisanna was his best friend. Such a cute platonic pairing.

Gruvia

I love them!!!

I love their relationship so much. At first, Gray couldn't stand Juvia but he soon realised how much she cared and how much he cared for her. The whole Juvia vs Gray fight in the finale made me cry, especially when they killed themselves because they didn't want to kill the other QwQ

Gajevy

They're ship is so cute and gradual and I love it.

Yes, Gajeel did hurt her and chain her to a tree when they first met, but he's shown and proven to her how much he's changed. Their love is beautiful and I love them.

LoLu

I have to admit, I did ship them at first, but it's more platonic than romantic now. Still a cute ship tho.

Romeo & Wendy

Another platonic pairing. It's cute but I don't ship them romantically.

Sky Sisters

They have such a cute friendship!

I adore the Sky Sisters friendship and I want to see more of them! I also heard that these two could be cannon, which I'd would love to know if it's true or not. So yeah, ship them platonically and romantically.

Elfgreen

I want more of these two!!!

I want to see more of Elfman and Evergreen so badly. The tsundere and the big strong guy is so cute and the scenes in GMG were so cute.

Miraxus

I'd love to see more of them since I ship them platonically at the moment.

Freeuxus

I love these two idiots.

Freed adores Laxus and the dragon slayer obviously has a soft spot for Freed.

Stingue

Light and dark. Sun and moon. Introvert and extrovert etc. I ship them so much!!!!!!

StingYu

He's the reason why she's still a part of Sabertooth!

Sting really cares for Yukino and they're so cute together!

Graylu

Another platonic pairing I love.

They're a couple of sillies and I need more of them being idiots.

Zervis

Their whole relationship is both cute and sad.

Mavis cursed herself accidentally and now they're immortal together. I love them

Cancer x Gray (Gracer??? Ig??)

Why is this the only image of these two together?!

I need more Gracer! (Sounds better than Cray doesn't it?) The whole danceoff was gay af and since I'm a multishipper, I ship them.

Bicksanna

The fandom made me ship them. The fandom made me realise just how cute these two are.

Mirerza

Rivals to best friends, I love them so much. I also ship them romantically on occasion as well.

Grayza

Both platonically and romantically, these two are cute.

Benefits of being a multishipper!

Bisca x Alzack

They're cute and they're cannon!!!

Seeing them in Edolas together was adorable and I'm glad in the cannon universe they also get together.

Ulter & Meredy

Sisters.

They have a sister relationship and I love it. I don't see them as anything else but sisters

Meredy & Juvia

Adorable. They became such good friends and I want more of their friendship. Please gimme more!!!!

CanLu

I think these two are quite cute together.

I'd love to see more of their friendship!

ErLu

Read a fanfic once of these two and I love them together!

The princess and her knight in shining armour!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAA!!!! I ship them so much!!!!!!

Gratsu

They always make me laugh. I ship them both platonically and romantically.

Natsu & Erza

I adore the brother-sister relationship they have.

Erza is the big sister having to keep chaotic younger brother Natsu under control (even tho Natsu is older)

[satureja13]

Sai just returned to his and Jeb's quarters after his shift - when Jeb stepped out of the bathroom... Uh...

And since the Romantium is permeating the atmosphere in the ship, attraction pulled them towards each other. Like the opposite poles of a (very strong) magnet.

And even though Sai has connection to all the internets and games in the galaxy now, he's still reading a lot of gay romance books. He tasted blood and he wants more. He really wants to finally - fully - get claimed by Jeb. And it's time to tell him. Sai, breathless from kissing Jeb breathless: "Jeb - claim me. Please. Let's finally do it."

But Jeb retreated. Keeping him an armlength away. Jeb: "Vanië. I can't hurt you. I told you. The... the others told you too." Sai: "But what does that even mean? We are never going to woohoo? They said it doesn't hurt." Jeb: "Not them. Vlad isn't that... big..." Sai: "But Kiyoshi is." Jeb: "Jack is a werewolf and the Super Soldier. He can take... eh - him. But you..."

Sai: "I will never loose my virginity then?" Jeb: "There... there is a way. If you'd top me." Sai: "What are you even saying?! No way! You are the pestle to my mortar! You are supposed to claim me! I'm not that fragile!" (More in -> this post, under the cut. And -> here)

The Romantium is really giving it's best here, but it seems its labours are lost in space with these two right now. Ever since Sai heard that Jeb does not want to hurt him, he thought that just was some romantic statement - and not some cruicial issues...

Jeb: "Vanië. It's not that I don't want to - I can't. When I wasn't able to rescue - the kids, I was devastated. So broken and ashamed that I hid under that bag for two years. And... and when I heard it was you - you and Jack *Jeb tears up* I swore I'd never let you get hurt again. When I think of - eh 'claiming you', hurting you - he just goes..." Sai was staring at Jeb. This can't be real.

Well, that definitely blew the poor AC's fuses and it coughed out a last puff of Romantium... There's only so much it can do and Jeb and Sai brought it to its utter limits.

It's physical? Psychosomatic? Jeb is so traumatized, he really can't claim Sai... isn't physically able to? Even if he wanted? And Sai can't even tell Jeb how much he hurt him with these words. It would only break him further. They always say, in space, no one hears you scream...

(I know we have other issues atm, but here you can see how huge Great A'Tuin II is.)

But...

Sai's heart is broken. All hope is gone. Jeb suggested they could do anything else then, just like before. But Sai still just stared unbelievingly at him. Then Jeb cried. And said he was sorry. So, so sorry. He even said Sai should look for someone else, someone who would make him happy. But how can he do that? He loves Jeb. There will never be anyone else than Jeb for Sai. Dammit. Even Jack got laid - JACK! And Sai will never know how it is to see the stars. Like in the books he loves to read.

'The scars of your love remind me of us They keep me thinkin' that we almost had it all The scars of your love, they leave me breathless I can't help feeling We could've had it all Rolling in the deep You had my heart inside of your hand And you played it to the beat'

Rolling in the Deep - Adele I've always loved this song but just right now I saw the MV for the first time and it's incredible! A piece of art. Totally worth a watch.

Outtakes

Poor Sai, still in shock.

And, as promised, Jack fetching ingredients for the Ambrosia from the fancy fridge in the captain's quarters ^^'

Sai didn't even wanted to ask but any distraction from his misery is welcome right now: "What are you doing here?"

Jack: "Just fetching ingredients for the Ambrosia from the fancy fridge." Sai: "..."

TMI: While we already know how tall they are, maybe you wondered about their size? We learned that Jeb has the biggest, followed by Kiyoshi, who's is not that much shorter. Then, surprisingly (or not, since he's the Super Soldier, after all ^^') Jack. Then Vlad, Saiwa and Ji Ho. But even though Ji Ho's is the shortest, they all agree he has the most beautiful of them all. Followed by Sai's :3

🍆

From the Beginning 🔱 Underwater Love 🔱 Latest

Current Chapter: starts ▶️ here Last Chapter: 'Here comes the Sun' from the beginning ▶️ here

📚 Previous Chapters: Chapters: 1-6 ~ 7-12 ~ 13-16 ~ 23-29

[littlyamadeus]

Okay NOW I finished the finale.

Didn't know they gave us two ep, like I said I can be too dumb.

Agatha All Along Spoiler Ahead

GHOST AGATHA HELL YEAH

My friend and I watched together and like every minute with her we were just laughing and begging to see her like this in other productions.

And honestly, I am so happy they managed to turn into original "Crone" Agatha look. This was so clever of them, and Kathryn Hahn- Just gorgeous, perfect, everything I ever wanted.

Also, can I just add that- like before the break up, did you notice how soft Rio looked? And then Agatha never forgave her and BOOM! We got the edgy, witchy, goth, green witch.

Which, honestly mood. You are death for god's sake and the only living thing you ever loved in your whole cosmical existence never *forgive you* for her son's death.

I'd be all emo too.

AND DRUM ROLLSSSSSS

WE GONNA GET THE WHOLE FAMILY GUYS, almost. The gay brother, the speedster brother, depressed mom AND sassy aunt!!! I am not counting Vis for now because we still need his emotions but cannot wait for him to join too. I hope, at least. I don’t know I am conflicter about him.

ANYWAYS

I think as Wanda fans, we won this year. I fucking cannot wait for Wanda and Agatha to bicker with each other all the time!!!

And I need a fucking family dinner moment with them.

[italianhomosexuality]

you don't have to know what to say or what to think on ao3

The first time it happens, it's an honest mistake.

(The times after that are also honest mistakes, but Nico feels like he should've known better.)

He's been working really, really hard to learn American Sign Language. After his three days in the infirmary, after working night after night, talking to Mr. D, struggling to learn how to open up to other people and how to finally be a 15-year-old teenager who tries his best to not let his lifelong trauma get to him too much, Nico di Angelo had become close friends with one Will Solace.

He'd never thought he'd be able to have a friendship with someone like Will. Someone who didn't take shit from anyone—he made sure to make that clear—, but was doting and cared for everyone else, sometimes a little too much. Someone who was as bright as the sun itself, who could light stars in the sky just by smiling, who could coax Nico's fears out of him and make him feel equal, not judged.

Someone who Nico could see himself loving.

Okay, and, woah, that might be a little too far, but was he wrong? He was finally allowing himself to feel hope after The Incident (mental trademark), letting himself have friends and a crush that didn't feel like ripping his insides apart and stir-frying them for dinner. So what if Nico's eyes lingered a little too long on the way Will's hair glowed against the infirmary's emergency lights?

(“Nico, when the siren rings and lights up, you stop everything and you go help!”, Kayla had yelled at him the first time it happened. He only felt death in the air after Will finally started running after the patient.

It was that bad.)

Who could blame him, then, for wanting to learn the language the boy he liked felt more comfortable with? Will had assured him that he did just fine with English, that his Cabin Nine hearing aids worked more than perfectly, but Nico had seen the way he got excited whenever he got to sign with someone. There were a few Deaf demigods around camp and Will knew every single one of them. Sometimes, he would sign while speaking, and it made Nico's Italian self happy because hand gestures! Then it made Nico's gay self happy because Will's hands, oh my gods, and then Nico wanted to learn how to make Will's face light up like that.

So, he learned. He got familiar with the computer in the Big House, watching YouTube videos on the matter, practicing in the mirror, going up to other campers who were signers and fighting social anxiety like his life depended on it. He had nailed most stuff by week three. The power of hyperfixations.

He did it all hiding from Will, of course. It was meant to be a surprise. He would walk up to Will, sign something, and Will would be like, “Nico, I didn't know you signed!”, so Nico would reply, “I learned just for you!”, and they'd hold hands and kiss and skip into the sunset.

A guy can dream, right?

“Hey, Nico!” Will yells out from the infirmary steps. “I'm done with my shift. Wasn't expectin' to see you here.”

Gods, his accent is so cute.

“I just thought I'd stop by, see how you were doing,” says Nico, preparing himself mentally for what comes next. “I have a surprise for you, actually.”

“Oh, you do?” Will gives his side-tooth smile, the one he does when he's excited for something he doesn't want to show excitement over.

Nico takes a deep breath.

“Food-you-want?” He signs, slowly but surely. “Me-hungry.”

Will blinks.

“Do that again.”

A warm feeling bubbles up in Nico's chest. Embarrassment, adoration, nervousness, teenage crush? He doesn't really know. He only knows that Will's cheeks look flushed and his voice is barely above a whisper, a tone Nico doesn't get to hear often, so of course he signs his sentence again. He'd do anything Will asks for.

“Do the last sign again.”

“Hum,” Nico starts, feeling a little off. He signs it again, anyway, placing his hand shaped like a C in front of his torso, following a line from the center of his collarbones down to the middle of his chest, then vice-versa. “It means 'hungry'... Right?”

Will takes a deep breath, face redder than Nico's ever seen.

“It means 'hungry' when you do the movement once,” he explains, carefully, doing the sign. The same handshape and movement Nico did, but just once, from the collarbone to the middle of his chest. “When you do the movement twice… It means something else.”

“What does it mean?”

They stare at each other. Nico's eyes are wide. Will's eyes are so blue. Nico would pay more attention to the blue if he weren't so preoccupied with—

“It means 'horny'. You signed, I'm horny.”

—With running away.

☀️🤟🏻⭐️

The second time it happens, Nico is still embarrassed by the first one.

Maybe it had been his fault to not pay a lot of attention when the online video he was watching went over the five parameters of ASL. But it wasn't entirely his fault the two signs were so similar, right? Will assured him afterwards—after he found Nico and after a few awkward laughs—that it was a very, very common mistake. The signs were really similar, after all. Nothing wrong with admitting that.

Still, Nico couldn't help but feel his face heat up every time he remembered that day. He'd told his crush he was horny. Unwillingly, sure, but it was sort of true! Nico was still accepting what being horny meant, but he knew that, even in the mildest sense of the word, he was horny for Will. Embarrassing, but honest.

So now, they were hanging out in the Hades' cabin, just the two of us and a bunch of DVDs they'd stolen from the Apollo cabin and Chiron's stash in the Big House. A mix of old rom-coms, sci-fi, noir, and historical dramas, limitless options, but they still argued over what to watch.

Nico suggested, finally, Back to the Future. Will adjourned his case.

As Will walks back from the DVD player, having put the disk in there, Nico takes a deep breath.

“You-eat-want-what?” he signs, going over each sign in his head like a mantra. He does not need a repeat of last time. Then, he raises his eyebrows, signing, “Pizza?”

Will goes as red as a tomato in the face.

“N-No, I'm good,” Will stutters, fanning himself like Hazel does when she's shocked. “Not hungry.” 

“You just came back from a 12-hour shift,” Nico deadpans.

“Let's just watch the movie.”

So Nico is taken back to nights at the Lotus Hotel, when they would have movie nights and play Back to the Future in a loop. Marty McFly might have been his first boy crush. Briefly, he imagined Will in a costume like that for Halloween. But, for now, they're doing just fine, thighs close enough to touch, Will's hand nearly making its way to Nico's scalp for some good head scratches, and life is good.

Sooner than Nico would've liked, it's curfew time. The DeLorean is long gone, and Will is rising up to his feet, stretching, his shirt riding up, and Nico sees the sliver of skin, with a little of hair on his navel, and, oh, gods, he shouldn't be seeing this, but Will is really handsome, and—

“Walk me out?” he says, sweet as ever, and Nico can't say no.

“I had a good time,” says Nico, leaning on the door panel. The moonlight makes Will's hearing aids glimmer.

“Me too,” Will replies, smiling. “The infirmary today was as excitin' as a mashed-potato san'which, good Lord.”

His accent got thicker the more tired he got, just like Nico's.

“Good-night,” Nico signs. “Sleep-good, you.”

Will's eyes linger on Nico's hands, then on his face. His expression is unreadable. It seems… fond? Happy? Nico doesn't know. He just knows he wants that big smile.

“By the way, Nico,” Will starts, voice a little serious, “this is how you sign 'pizza'.”

He goes through the motions. It's just fingerspelling, Nico notices. P-i-z-z-a.

Nico furrows his brows. “What did I sign?”

“You signed…” Will takes a deep breath. “You asked me if I wanted to eat, uh, the… The female genitalia.”

Nico slams the door so hard he doesn't know how Will keeps all of his teeth and nose intact.

☀️🤟🏻⭐️

The third time it happens, Nico is just plain tired.

He had been on a week-long trip for his father, working on some old business in Louisiana, fighting the occasional monster that came his way and shadow-traveling out of danger—no longer to an inch of his life because he didn't want to make Will worry about him. His clothes are a mess, his hair is greasy, there's soil built up under his fingernails, he hasn't had an actual meal in days, and he's exhausted to say the least.

After showering, eating, and bed-rotting any leftover worries away, he sleeps for fifteen hours straight. He wakes up still exhausted, though a little less, so he walks up to the infirmary since he has nothing better to do. Might as well get a check-up while he's there.

“Good morning, Sunshine,” he says to the head of blond hair when he sees it.

“Good afternoon, di Angelo,” Will replies, looking ready to tackle any challenge, bloody or non-human, that comes his way in his combination of scrubs, cargo shorts, and Jesus sandals. “You look like you're near 'bout past goin'.”

Nico doesn't know what he's saying, but shrugs anyway. “I'm tired.” Then, he signs, “Me-tired. Coffee, me-need.”

Will smirks.

“All you had to do was ask, Death Boy,” he replies, amused, and Nico lights up.

“You have coffee?” He doesn't know why Will looks so smug about coffee, in a way he's never looked before, but he lets himself be led to the infirmary kitchen, watches Will drape over the Nespresso machine, churning out a nice cup of pure, slightly-processed espresso.

The smell is enough to make Nico's eyes open a little more.

“Also,” Will says, putting his doughnut down by the table, still smirking for reasons unknown, “the sign for 'coffee' goes like this.”

He demonstrates. Nico barely follows, focused on taking a sip from his coffee.

“You signed, I need to make-out. You've gotta pay more attention, di Angelo, or— oh, my gods, Nico, breathe! You're gonna burn your throat! Nico!”

☀️🤟🏻⭐️ 

Nico is tired of failing.

It's not like he's failed-failed. Will has been more than helpful, willing to show him the ropes and correct his signs, and they've actually spent more time with the other Deaf campers, practicing and practicing. Nico is still fighting the flush that decorates his cheeks whenever he signs with someone else, but he's getting there. Anything for that megawatt Will Solace smile.

So, on the Fourth of July, as they're watching the fireworks, Will takes his hearing aids off, saying the noise makes it hurt. Nico gets a little antsy, but shakes it off, and would rather focus on the way the red, white, and blue from the sky makes Will's freckles change colors, too.

And he looks so good tonight. He ditched his usual medic attire for something still Will, a white tank top, denim shorts, an American flag bandana to keep his curls out of his eyes and flip-flops. Nico dressed similarly, but in a black t-shirt and black shorts, black socks and black sneakers. No bandana; only Will can pull it off.

The tank-top is low cut enough that Nico can see his tattoo peeking out. Gods, he's so beautiful, he thinks to himself, lost in thought he almost misses the way Will is waving his hand in front of Nico's face.

“Hi,” Will signs. “Here, fun.”

Nico nods.

“Confess-me,” Will signs. It's a closed fist by his sternum, opening outwards, like he's pulling something out of his chest. Nico translates it to, I need to tell you something, then nods again. Will takes a deep breath. “Me-like-you. Me-like-like-you.”

Nico's breath is stolen. He doesn't know where it went. He doesn't know what's going on. Off in the distance, someone whoops loudly and a group of campers cheer, but he can only focus on the opaque thump of the fireworks and his own heartbeat increasing pace against his chest. Will is staring at him, blue eyes like the sky, like the bandana, like the prettiest gemstone one could conjure.

“Sign-you-learn. Why? Me. Special-you. Me-like-you, why? You.” When he points at Nico, the final 'you', he does a flourish, like he's honoring Nico. You learned sign for me. You're special. I like you because you're you.

Nico feels words bubbling up in his throat, but doesn't let himself say anything. Instead, he moves his hands like he's practiced so many times in front of the mirror before.

“Me-like-you. Long-how? Long. Favorite-person, you-mine. Date-you, I want.”

I've liked you for a long time. You're my favorite person. I'd like to date you.

With that, he finally gets a megawatt Will Solace smile.

[aiscapades]

putting this under a cut bc i'm going off the rails (this turned into me x you fanfic) ?? happy new year

gonna take this moment to appreciate tumblr (and all of you). this is a fucking hell site and it always has been, but i've been here since 2012 and it's the only social media i actually use anymore.

my writing instagram account that i used extensively during nanowrimo 2022 was hacked and i had to fight this person for control over it (i lost my art account like this in 2018). but it's all mine again :) all my posts about my gay cowboys and me finally being proud of my writing (after giving it up for years) and all the cute stories i posted abt my characters (the only time i've ever talked like that abt my ocs on the internet) REMAIN ALL MINE !!!

AND YOU KNOW WHAT?

if i want to mention nasty gay sex and tell the hacker to eat butt and die I WILL! i won't be censored. even a story i posted got a popup warning me about the language. saying bitch is a fucking internet crime now???? mark zuckerberg's internet is fucking BLEAK y'all.

this is so baffling to me. how do people live like this??? i stopped using ig years ago (rip my photography hobby!) because it just kept getting worse and worse. tumblr is infamous for never really meeting its users' expectations but at least i can say luigi should be freed without a quirky lil popup message asking "are you sure??? you could get in trouble!!!" mark zuckerberg you are an actual ai lizard robot abomination and you are ruining humanity and our planet. i would skin you in an instant. no hesitation no remorse. you would become a human skin rug and i would stand on you with muddy boots and remark about how you don't fit the space very well then let my 3 pit bull mutts piss all over you. then i'd piss on you too. the things i would do to elon musk (and others) would actually get me banned off tumblr and i think that says enough.

i love this stupid ass website because at least i can be a person here and not be gaslit or brainrotted by an algorithm. i can share whatever media i'm currently obsessed with and see other people obsessing over it too and forge actual community and friendships. i may be alone every day irl but at least y'all think i'm worth interacting with (🩷). this is an unhinged rant about how much i hate rich people who are ruining all of our lives BUT IT'S ALSO an appreciation post for every single person who has ever even looked at me here.

i'm in love with you platonically and we're kissing platonically on the mouth or on the cheeks and forehead or whatever. i'm open to whatever if it's with you. you are everything bright and beautiful to me. i take your hands in mine (no bandages) and run my thumbs along your knuckles. i read your tags and it made me laugh out loud. i don't know why that shit post about the ts cast's eye colors has 300 notes and i'm worried for all of you but also that's hilarious and i appreciate the love. it's really cool that you draw and post fanart for all of us to fawn over. i admire you. i take your wrists now and pull you in for a hug. my boobs are big and i smell like aluminum-free deodorant but there's love in the way i hold you gently, and i hope you remember that feeling when you're sad. i would wait outside while you robbed a bank and be the best damn getaway driver even though i don't have my license. i would dig a footer with my bare hands then construct my own mud blocks to give you shelter when we finally run away from it all and find a nice spot out in the woods. the sun is warm on your skin and butterflies keep thinking you're a pretty flower. your ais fanart made me horny. also your leander fanart. and that was honestly unexpected but it happened! i ain't a liar. some of you i view as gods (in like a totally normal average way) and i hope you don't notice how my whole being trembles when you say something to me. i would sacrifice my firstborn for you if pregnancy didn't scare me. i hope you like the mark zuckerberg rug i put in our sitting room (in our shack in the woods where we escape everything bad). i know you said you prefer cozy minimalism but i want our feet to stay warm and i hope his glassy eyes don't scare you too much. if they do, i'll just hold you tighter :) you're safe with me. thank you for being you and sharing your interests with the rest of us. i hope you have a wonderful new year.

[samuelroukin]

oh dw babe im never gonna give you up. never gonna let you down. never gonna turn around and desert you <3

funnily enough you keep writing my ideal fic over and over again somehow. meant it when I said fæge feels almost tailor made. big fan of characters who weren't meant to be happy. big fan of the unforgivable. big fan of nice rhythmic soothing flowy prose with a very strong visual element. big fan of gay sex (yay irrumatio!!). big fan of exploring the different faces love can have. big fan on wanting (always so much better than having 🙏). huge fan of character who was doomed and cursed and basically already dead getting to live life and feel better. huge fan of biters of the hand that feeds. world's biggest fan of desperation. and also of apathy. and how they both go together. really into hunger as a metaphor for loneliness. love seeing the extraordinary in the ordinary. didn't mean to ramble but I really love everything you do <3 feels like they made me specifically to adore you. (id say /lh but it's really not. I kinda mean it). oh and worldbuilding. huge fan of making up new worlds and looking at the new worlds other people made.

but generally it's more about how it's done than about what's happening in the story? like, I've bawled my eyes out at dsmp omegaverse before yk. and now at call of duty soulmates even though i don't play videogames at all and im not into soulmate aus. anything can be great. anything can be terrible.

but I'd really like to look at that ray threesome perhaps 👀👀👀🙏. or perchance a little darragh piece. maybe even matty if you wanna dust him off a little bit and indulge me to hell and back and spoil me so terribly bad and rotten. id love to take a look at him 👀

but also 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 it means the world that you offered to write it???? 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 theyre gonna have to invent new emojis if we keep doing this because these surely don't pack the same punch anymore.

as for being mysterious. my blog here is a messsss and I kinda like the imbalance 👀 if you ask very very nicely I might consider but please be prepared for disappointment. for I am boring. and not very easy to talk to

apparently I can't shut up here either so. here you go a lot of words for you again hope you enjoy them

- max

kjgfhsfhgft not the text rick roll

ough i love how you talk about it esp since in my brain i'm like ok it was fun but it's not that deep lmao (while def making it that deep at least to myself but u know) i def get what you mean tho, sometimes it's not only about the subject itself, just the right vibes

i do want to finish that ray threesome.....probably rewrite the whole thing if i do bc it's so old now but Perhaps 👀or finish the short pwp with him and darragh...or the backstory of darragh and ghost in tdhmt 🤔 i've never actually written matty but perhaps it's time (well after i finish quietus, you know how it is) to finally see what that guy has to say. options! many things to consider.....

kjghdkjghsft i get liking the imbalance, getting to be a mysterious stranger 👀 and im v v boring and hard to talk to as well lmao But at least that means there's no pressure !! idk, think about it we could be mutuals who never speak, there's a charm to it 😌

i always enjoy your many words whether here or on ao3 kjgfkhgst blessing me fr 🙏

[ray935sworld]

Riders valentines day

Marcmarc

"You know, I spent the whole last - I don't know - 3 weeks? And before that one more week with the launch! - surrounded by Italians." Marc said when they finally met in the plane.

They had to get there alone. Go through security on their own, after lying to their teams and friends about why they couldn't take the same flight as them but now they were finally together again. It had been too long.

They had hoped to be able to sneak away during testing but both were at new teams so the getting to know everyone had priority for now. And the Ducati and aprilla planing really didn't do them any favors in terms of hotels and everything.

Both Aprila and Ducati wanted to to get to know their rider. So they didn't manage to sneak away. It just seemed to risky. So now that they were in a plane, booked by Marc with private cabinets, they could finally be themselves.

There were no prying eyes, no one to hide from. There was only one window and that was showing the clouds and the sky. It was safe, meaning Marco was currently laying on top of Marc, burying his head in his chest.

He looked up as his boyfriend spoke.

"Even a motogp rider. I was stuck with one of them the whole fucking time. And you know what the frustrating thing is?" His fingers were brushing through Marcos curls. Normally, no one was allowed to touch them, never mind brush through them with anything. But Marc? Marc could even brush them out if he wanted to.

"None of them was MY Italian. And it wasn't MY motogp rider." he said as he leaned down to give his boyfriend a kiss on the forehead. His lips felt warm and careful against his skin. He smiled, happy to be in the moment.

He watched the younger man smile brightly, as he sat up again to give Marc a proper kiss. "Mm... And I had to spent too much time with the wrong gay Spaniard so I think we're even." "OH come on, he wasn't even that long around" "And spend the whole time talking about Espargaro"

Marc let out as a crackling laugh. It was the same one he always had. It was loud and honest and Bez was addicted to it. He knew it sounded.... Intresting at least to everyone else if not terrible.

But to Bez it was beautiful. It made him smile. It was good to hear it again after all the testing and pr event and playing nice with the new bosses and sponsors.

"If that helps, Bagnaia was talking a lot about his wife too." "OH did you talk about me too?" Marco asked with a grin, knowing that none of the academy knew about them so far.

"Yes yes" Marc replied with a smirk. "First thing I told him is that I'm fucking his best friend like we're rabbit. Always balls deep if I get the chance" "Hehe!" he couldn't help but smack his arm playfully. "Oh I'd love to see his face if you say that" "He was so shocked. His wife was just laughing. She's very nice" "She is. You're gonna love Domizia"

"Yeeeeaaah.... I don't think she's gonna like me very much when I'm mopping the track with her husband." "We'll see about that" Marc faked a gasp as he put his hand on his chest. "OH I am shocked. My own boyfriend does not believe in me. I'm heart broken. Heart. Broken" he pinched him in the side which made him giggle.

"You poor thing" he replied with a smile. "But you know, I kind of have to cheer for Pecco, you know?" "Mm? Why? I thought you love me" "Cause he needs the support. He needs some positivity. I'm his best friend, I can't tell him he won't win. I mean, you're gonna win anyway and obviously I want you to win so I'm supporting Pecco"

Marc stared at him for a second. He was stating it like it was a fact. Like Marc had a 90 point lead and only 3 races to go. Like it was only a formality to win the championship. He blinked and laughed. "OH you sure are an amazing one"

The rest of the flight was spend napping and talking. They were constantly cuddling or at least holding hand. They had a lot of physical contact to make up from the time they were apart. They were kissing, sharing jokes and playing cards.

After some more hours they arrived in Spain. It was already late evening when they finally left the airport, got to Marc's car which had been parked their by his parents and drove home.

Marc was humming silently along the song that was playing in the radio as he watched his boyfriend out of the corner of his eye. He was once more sleeping. His head was almost banging against the window, so Marc used a red light to carefully adjust Bez seating position.

As if on cue, Marco woke up a few minutes before they arrived. Not that Marc wouldn't have carried him inside if he kept sleeping but he decided that this was a lot easier.

"Home sweet home" Marc said with a smile. He started to feel the red bull he had earlier and even Bez started to blink and look more awake. "Finally. I really missed home"

There were butterflies in his stomach when he heard that. He grinned. Home. His home was Bez home. Perfect. He couldn't wish for more.

He parked the car and quickly grabbed their suitcases. They got discharged almost immediately as they were banned into the cellar towards the washing machine. They could deal with that later.

Now Marc had other priorities. First, water. Then food. He need to make sure his boyfriend was okay.

The first thing on his list was easy. The 2nd one, after a look in his cupboards not so much. He sighed. For a moment he considered ordering something but then he would have to either get up early to get them some breakfast or order again in the morning and both wasn't really his thing.

"Baby, I'm sorry, but I need to make a quick run to the store to get some food, okay?" he said and watched how Marco immediately spun around. "What?!" he asked, obviously taken aback at the prospect of having his boyfriend leave again.

"I'll be back in half another. I promise you. Just - Take a shower, get dressed and when your ready, I'll be here with dinner. Okay?" "Mm.... I was hoping we could have a shower together?" "How about tomorrow? Today I'm too exhausted either way." "But then why make a run to the store?" "Because I can't let my equally exhausted boyfriend not have some real food. I'm a good boyfriend, remember?" he smiled and kissed him again.

It was just a quick kiss, meant to be reassuring. Marco accepted it, closing his eyes as he felt his lips on his. After a second, after Marc had already pulled back, he kept his eyes closed for another second.

When he opened them again, he made a pounty face. He still didn't like the idea. Marc almost snorted.

"I'm taking care of you. So I need to get you some good food!" "You're just saying this cause you're scared of my dad" "That too!" he laughed and they both knew they didn't meant Mr Bezzecchi.

"And obviously cause I wanna treat you right" "And cause you're teammates with my pseudo brother, best friend" "Okay, not everything I do for you has something to do with your weird found family"

Bez laughed as he stood up. "I sure hope so!" He quickly pressed another kiss on Marc's cheek. "Drive careful" "Always"

The Italian left the room but suddenly his shorts went flying back. Marc stared at them for a moment before the boxers followed. "Just so you know what you're missing!" Bez yelled and the older immediately understand.

Quickly he threw a glance in the hallway just to see Marcos naked ass disappear in the direction of the bathroom. Fuck. He was beautiful. Very, very beautiful. He just wanted to follow him and bite down in the sift looking flesh.

"Fuck.... Oh lord he's gonna be the sweetest death of mine" he cursed and added louder. "Alright! I'm gonna hurry!" "Thought so!"

Bez grinned, knowing his little idea had worked perfectly. He smiled as he went into the shower.

He took his time, washed his hair, did his usual routine. A part of him wanted to be confused, maybe scared, but at least find anything foreign about the fact that the same long haired curls products he had in Italy were stored in Spain as well. It was the same brand, the same curl gel that was placed next Marc's curl cream.

But there was nothing weird about it. It didn't scare him. On the contrary, it made him happy. It made him feel at home.

Just like when he opened Marc's wardrobe. There were some of his own clothes too. He looked at them for a moment but then grabbed a few of Marc's oversized clothes.

Even if the older didn't admit it, Bez was sure he had only bought them so Bez had something to wear that was actually Marcs. Not that he minded. He thought it was adorable.

So he ended up in a pair of soft joggers and a hoodie as he went with the diffusor through his hair. He was drying it upside down when he heard the car.

Part of him wanted to run out and jump on his boyfriend but he had to finish his hair. Even if it wasn't as long as it used to be, much to his boyfriend misery who absolutely adored his long hair, it still took some time to get them right.

When he was finally satisfied he quickly went downstairs. He didn't expect anything. Well expected Marc. He really wanted to see him.

But when he did, he froze at the sight. Marc was standing there, with a huge boquet of roses in hand. He was grinning. He was smiling like a child as he spotted Marco. "NO!" he yelled with a laugh in his voice. "You're too early!"

"Too early?" he replied looking around. There was one of those ready lunches on the stove. "For what?" "For your surprise. Okay, nevermind." he replied.

He took the floors in both hands and proudly presented them to Marco.

"Happy Valentines day, I got you flowers! Aaaaaaaandddd-" he said as he reached behind him and pulled a heart shaped box of chocolate out. "Chocolat!"

Bez blinked more confused than anything. He stared at the flowers and the chocolate, the definition of valentines cliche. Only now he realized that it was actually Valentine's day.

He felt embarrassment wash over him. He actually loved the concept of valentines day. It was one of the days he could hug people and tell them he loved them without getting weird looks and comments about being too clingy.

And now here he was, forgetting that valentines day was even a thing, in his boyfriends cloths, no shows or socks, with nothing to gift him back. He felt guilty even thought they both knew that after ten last weeks, valentines day was the last thing on their mind.

He looked up at his still smiling boyfriend. "You got me flowers?" his voice dripping with disbelief. The thought that some - Marc Marquez of all people - would gift him flowers felt wrong. Even if he was his boyfriend. "Yes. Of course... Do you... Not... Like them?" he ask hesitant, picking up on his confusion.

"I do!" he quickly said to reassure him. "It's just.... I'm a guy" "I know." "And you got me flowers" "Again. I know." "But I'm a guy and you got me flowers. I - I don't understand."

The Spaniard looked at him with a funny look as if he didn't understand or didn't believe what he was saying. "Flowers aren't exclusively for girls, you know? They are beautiful and nice to look at. I like them. Like you. And I want to gift them to you to show you my appreciation for you. Cause I love you"

Marco knew he was blushing. He smiled shyly and nodded.

"I've never got flowers." he tried to explain. "You never got flowers?" "No" "Ah well, that just means I'm not very good at being a good boyfriend. You deserve all the flowers in the world! Starting now..." He once more hold the bouquet out for him.

Bez smiled and took it. There was a warm feeling washing over him. He felt loved, appreciated. Just like it was the porpuse of the gift was.

"Thank you" he replied, kissing him again. He'd never get tired of the feeling of the Spanish lips on his. He'd never be satisfied from tasting them. He knew that. Especially when Marc was like this and looked at him like this.

"They are beautiful." "Not as beautiful as you are" "I... Oh shit, you're amazing. You got me all blushing." "Good" Marc chuckled. "You look beautiful, all blushing and happy, in my house, in my clothes, all mine." "I love you" "I love you too"

For 🐢

[lotusarchon]

Might go on a hiatus, but not sure currently. This is an impulsive ass post, and an impulsive ass decision, and I have bad habits of sticking to my plans. For now, yeah, it's in my mind. I might uninstall Tumblr too...

Respectfully, please do not send me any type of ask. The only reason I'm keeping my ask box open is for the aesthetic (cough), but I prefer for it to remain empty until I remove myself from this "hiatus."

Yes, I will still be writing, but overall I'm going to stick to AO3 for the time. Maybe return to Wattpad too but yeah.

tw vent under the cut. not important and not vital so don't feel obliged to read, i just gotta get it out.

I...I've tried, man. I've tried a lot to feel better, and pretend, but it's not. Working. Nothing works.

I..I'm just a really bad person, I think. People are gonna argue, "No, you're not a bad person!" You don't know that. You don't know what I feel inside to think that. I went out of my way to harass someone, on their Twitter and Tumblr, just because I was fucking drunk and upset and lonely. I went out of my way to bother them despite being the one attempting to put distance. I..stressed out, people. Stressed them out, because my behavior was borderline obsessive and holy fuck, seeing that message still hurts because of how right it was.

I'm such. I'm such a bad person. I'm horrible. I fucked up my own relationships, and now I'm never gonna get it back. I'm never gonna be able to talk to that person again because of my own selfish stupid ways and it hurts so bad.

And I'm trying. I'm trying to stop thinking about it, and I'm trying my hardest not to care but I can't. Fucking stop. And it's suffocating and it hurts and I'm so stupid. For everything. Everything hurts, everything really hurts and I just don't know what to do.

I've always been told to talk to a trusted adult. I wish people understood that I can't. The closest to an adult I can trust is myself, and I'm dumb so that's fun.

I don't know what to do anymore. I'm trying. I'm not...gonna drown my worries in alcohol again. Definitely not, nor am I gonna try to...overdose, at least. Or cut, owch. Not a fun way to die. Too scary, and waaaay too painful.

I still want to die though. I still feel the need to die. I feel awful. I'm so horrible, I'm so fucking awful. I screw up everything, then I want things back but I can't get it back. Not this time around.

And I just feel like there's just no more point in doing this. Playing this game of live today, wish to die tomorrow. There's no point.

I. I wish I was a better person. I wish I didn't fuck up every single one of my friendships, and hurt the people I care about. I wish I didn't. Exist. I wish I hadn't join Tumblr, because then I wouldn't have met these people, and my life...would be easier. Because I'd be lonely, but at least I was happy.

I'm tired, and I want. To sleep forever. Because at least in my dreams I'm a better person. At least in my dreams, I don't fuck up every thing.

...

I'm not saying I'm gonna actually kill myself yet, though lmfao. They're thoughts but I'm not acting on them.

Not yet, anyway.

I'm gonna be active on my AO3, or try to be, but if I stop posting or don't post, then these are my final words.

You bitches gay. Love y'all though. Hopefully I don't die and I come back to beat you guys up, but eh.

In case I'm not back. Bye bye! Thank you all for the support and niceness. I'm sorry to the ones I've hurt, harassed and annoyed. From the bottom of my heart, I'm super sorry, unintentional or not. I'm sorry. To this one specific person, you're my cool lil bro, and I'm happy to have met you and I hope life gets better for you. And offer my apologies to you know who still, I hope one day they'll forgive me but if not...blegh.

Also I was the number one Erlang fan.

If I come back though, you guys are gay and also I'm beating you all up and there's nothing you can do about it okay byeeeeeeeeeee

[on-a-lucky-tide]

Post-Surgery Day 35 (but three days late)

cw: surgery, bodies, medical

- Good news! The wound separation in my nipple has healed closed and scarred up, and all the scabs are gone. I'm so, so frickin' happy and glad I kept my anxiety in check over it. There were so many times I wanted to pull the scab away and see the damage, or send a billion questions to the surgeon. But I trusted what the nurse told me to do, and it's fine.

- I've been a biiiit naughty with the reaching and the stretching and I've got a bit of a ache in my ribs, like, just beneath the incision? I think it's muscular in that I've obviously been hunched over and fairly stationary while I heal. I figure I'll be getting some physio and exercises after my appointment in a week. The incisions are fine and neat AF, I can't remember whether I mentioned that the part under my arms is already so faint? I thought I'd need to get some tattoos to camouflage it but I don't think I will.

- Still chonk. Sigh.

- I am exhausted after my first week (and a half) back at work. I've been relatively good and not lifting stuff too heavy, or reaching too high. My colleagues have been awesome, and I mean awesome. I've received so many hugs and big smiles; they genuinely missed me, which... I'm actually shocked? I didn't realise how much healing I still have to do in terms of self worth. The damage done by a handful of people a year or so ago has clearly impacted quite deep. But, anyways, people keep coming up to me to tell me their kid is trans or non-binary or gay, or they know someone who is, or their kid's partner is... They are so excited about it.

- I have had one encounter with someone I think has terfy leanings. It was an assessor from a training body we use for our trainee teachers. She kept using my deadname, even though her institution has been updated. Now, I need these teachers to pass so I bit my lip. My headteacher, however, a big Welsh dude, informed her that if she couldn't address his teachers with respect she could leave the premises. I was... shocked. So was she. I was named appropriately for the rest of the day, and when I thanked him later he just said that some people have no class, and ambled off to herd some kids. 🤣

- My driving license came through! That's the second government body that has acknowledged my new name and gender. My bank is sorted too. I'm going to sort out the mortgage (second bank, land registry), the vehicles (car and bike) and my passport. The passport I am worried about because I've reached that they can be picky about the GIC. We'll see.

- I am delivering a conference for the first time tomorrow as myself and I'm actually a little bit nervous? I don't think anything of talking to rooms full of 100s, usually. I'm an expert in my field and that's why I'm there. But. As me now? The person I've had to keep protected and quiet for years? Scary.

- Six more days until my final appointment with my surgeon. I hope I get good grades in healing so I can go back to the gym. :3

[sekhithefops]

Anyone who tells a queer person "Just Move to a Better State" doesn't get it.

So, as some of you know I've got an account on Bluesky, one of the social media websites that arose from the ashes after Elon Musk completely fucked up Twitter beyond how fucked it was even on it's worst day.

Recently I shared this article, hoping to spread some good news to my fellow members of the LGBTQA+ community:

And some smarmy jackass replied with this:

Yeah... anyone who says this is an asshole who doesn't get the realities of these situations.

I grew up in Kentucky. Yes, the state where Mitch "the Lich" McConnell was spawned (we're trying to get rid of him but that asshole hid his phylactery really good okay?) As some of you might guess, my own home state has issues with people who try to push these sorts of laws.

I've been told by others, in the past, to just move to a better state.

I tried it once infact, I moved from the Cincinnati Metropolitan Area (I lived right on the border between Ohio and Kentucky at the time) to another city where I was going to live with a gay couple I met online who were friends with my, at the time, partner.

... you probably see where this is going already, but I'll continue.

The city definitely had a good LGBTQA+ presence, but here's the thing. I stayed there only six months before all but fleeing back to Kentucky.

Why?

Several reasons.

NOBODY wanted to hire "the new kid in town." I had a horrible time finding a job that would satisfy my roommate. They knew I had only worked retail in the past and, at the time, had no college under my belt at all. I tried getting jobs in multiple places. I tried getting hired on as a 911 operator, at several higher end stores, and such. You know where I wound up working? A shitty little Circle K station. It was the ONLY place that would hire me and paid a pittance. I could barely help with bills at all.

My roommate was a judgemental asshole. To quote Sir Terry Pratchett, "Just because someone is part of a minority doesn't mean they can't also be a small minded prick." One of my roommates judged me for EVERYTHING. Nothing I did was good enough, and if he found out something he didn't like he would hang it over my head and never stop giving me shit for it. I hated it. I hated it within weeks of arriving but I didn't want to leave because that would be 'admitting defeat' or some bullshit (it was ten years ago, I forget exactly how I justified it.)

I had to give up all the friends and family I had in the move. The part of the country I moved to was a place that I had never been before. I had no friends there, I had no family there. All I had to rely on was my two roommates. One of them clearly didn't want an extra roommate but went along with it because his boyfriend wanted it (I feel bad for him these days,) the other one... see item 2. This also leads into item four...

Because I had no friends and family there, I had no safety net. Asshole roommate constantly reminded me if I didn't get a 'better job' (and good luck to me on that given the circumstances) I'd be out on my ass, in a totally unfamiliar city. I had no help there besides them and he knew it, and he held that over me every chance he got.

Finally, after six months, I managed to move back in with my mother in Kentucky. This story does have a happy ending though. I wound up splitting up with my at the time partner (who in hindsight really wasn't a good match for me, though I hear they're doing much better these days,) and it was the wake up call I needed to get some college education. That didn't go great, but having even partial college on a resume helped me get a job that was far FAR better than retail work which I've held for over five years now.

I realized too that while Kentucky isn't great on progressiveness as a whole... the part of the state I'm from actually is. We're part of the Cincinnati Metropolitan Area (which basically means "if it wasn't for state lines we'd just be part of Cincinnati") and there's actually a really big LGBTQA+ community around here. These days I see Pride bumper stickers everywhere, and there's several houses nearby with Pride flags as well.

In Kentucky. Yes, that Kentucky.

But my point is... even assuming a person CAN move, it doesn't mean that it'll fix everything. In my case those six months were absolutely hellish despite living with a queer couple in a major city. My life only improved AFTER I moved back to Deep-in-the-Red-State Kentucky. Because the part I'm in has a good community, I have friends and family who support me, I have a good job here, and I have a good life here in spite of what some idiot in the state capitol is up to.

In closing, I have this to say: If you hear someone talking about queer issues in their home state and your first instinct is to tell them to just move to California or New York or some other state... just shut the hell up.

[crystalkitty1220]

You underestimate me, CK. I only have more questions now.

What was Nevin doing to try to save Drew? Is he okay after some of his branches got crushed in the fight? Will he ever manage to come back or is Nevin just deep in denial?

Overall I really like your au, and I’m happy to see you again too! Your monthly posts are always nice.

I don't know what warnings to do this time so I'm just gonna say that if you couldn't read the fic thing, do not proceed. Also because spoilers ig.

First I'd like to reiterate that the second part of that fic thing was very experimental. So nothing about that is certain whatsoever and I was mostly just going for vibes for it, to test out the potential bad ending that I really want to make work somehow. So I can give you some hypothetical answers, but unless I can successfully make most of the other events in that ending not horribly out-of-character, that ending might not even be real. The entire bad ending is based on this one bit of animation I have in my head and am very slowly drawing out. I'm hoping if I can show how cool it looks I won't have to justify the character actions /hj. I also just do not have any ideas for another ending so I am desperately trying to make 'twist' villain Isaac Beamer somehow work. That's most of the reason that I'm focusing so hard on curses and such right now; getting the essentials done will make writing the story a little easier. Maybe when I finally have a curse for Dez (I'm accepting suggestions; Echos and I have nothing), I'll magically have a whole new ending thought up.

Anyway, hypothetically, Drew's probably fine after the fight. It was painful, yeah, but the branches will grow back.

Now I'll move onto the things centered around the first half, since that one's a little more final.

Drew probably can't come back? I mean, it could be cool if there's some kind of ritual to move his consciousness somewhere else, but his body's irreparable.

You didn't ask but I'll also add that he and the branches can be killed, via burning or something like that, but Nevin's not likely to let that happen.

Nevin is very deep in denial, and for the most part doesn't have any ideas other than praying and such. He refuses to move on from Drew's loss for a few reasons. First of all, of course, Drew's his twin brother. Secondly, ever since the incident, his life has basically entirely centered around it. The incident is what made him turn to religion (and just so he can keep the extra bit of trauma, in place of his step-mom we'll say the first couple churches weren't exactly kind about his curse - or his being gay, for that matter), and religion is obviously why he thinks the branches are a miracle keeping Drew alive. The incident is why he became homeschooled and rarely left his house for so much of his life, and started hyper-focusing on Drew instead of making connections or getting hobbies. Speaking of hobbies, his curse in general also made it difficult to start any of those. Most of his life has just been getting control of his powers, religious stuff, thinking about Drew, repeat (though Grandma Jovel was eventually successful in getting him interested in cooking and spoken poetry). So he can't fathom the idea of letting Drew go.

When he meets Chris, Nevin gets really excited about the possibility that Chris or Charlie could communicate with Drew, and from there they could work something out. So Nevin starts hanging around Chris, invites him over, and you've seen the rest. Info-dumping about Drew was basically Nevin trying to get Chris to see why this is so important. He could just say "he's my baby brother and i love him and you should love him too", but in true writer fashion, he takes the "show, don't tell" route.

So, yeah, that's basically the closest thing Nevin has had to a plan. I mean, now that I brought up the idea of there being some sort of demonic ritual to transfer souls or whatever, it could be cool to have Nevin go against his morals and try demony stuff, but then I'd have to add so many more eggpire fansongs onto my curse!ibvs playlist. I've already got five, I don't think I should go any deeper.

[almostangrything]

Even More!

Floui- Hurt/Comfort

      It was a normal day in the statehouse. Everybody was minding their own business and being quiet, well, except for Florida. He was busy gathering his supplies to go and get Loui, so that they could do some crime. This was normal, so nobody really cared anymore. As long as he stayed out of the house. Once he got his equipment ready, Florida ran to Loui's room, excitedly knocking on the door.

      But there was no answer. Florida could hear talking, it sounded like Loui. His voice sounded sad. Florida opens the door by a sliver and peeks into the room.

      "Mais, why you gotta do that?" Loui's voice was heartbreaking. He was sitting on the floor, tears streaming down his face. "I'm tellin' ya, you ain't gotta come up here..." By the tone in Loui's voice, it was evident he was talking to his father, France. Loui sighs and says, "Fine, fine... But nobody's gonna be very happy to see you." The other phone hangs up. Louisiana sets down his hone and sighs.

      Florida immediately rushes to Loui's side. They were quite similar, with Florida only being an inch shorter than Loui. Louisiana sees Florida and hugs him tightly. "Sha, didja hear? France is coming over," Loui says with emotion. "I-I heard," Florida replies. France, Loui's father, was an awful man. Loui had the scars and stories to prove it. Florida hugs Loui as tight as he can.

      The dreaded day had come. France shows up to the statehouse. A quiet and tense dinner follows. Loui decided to cook since it would be more busywork to take his mind off things. A few other states like Texas and New York helped. They also had rough childhoods, so they understood and wanted to help Loui. France wasn't causing trouble yet, so that was good. But Loui was a nervous wreck. He didn't eat much and his hands were shaking.

      Finally, dinner was over. Loui decided to wash the dishes, as an excuse to get away from France. As everyone started to drift away, Loui was left in the kitchen. He thought he was alone, so he was muttering to himself about France. However, France was in the next room. He heard the muttering, and although he couldn't make out the exact words, he knew from the tone that it was nothing good.

      "What are you mumbling about, boy?" France asks rudely as he steps into the kitchen. Loui's under-his-breath insults immediately stop as he turns around, his hands wet from washing dishes. "Oh, uh... Nothing..." Loui keeps looking at France, hoping he'll go away. France did not, and approached Loui instead. "Your cooking has gotten even worse since I last saw you," France sneers. "Well, sorry. I cook what I know my friends will like." France scoffs, disgusted. Your 'friends' are vile and uncouth. I don't know why I haven't dragged you back home already." Loui gets a little angry, saying, "Mais, this is my home. I got people here who love me, and I love them."

      France's eyes narrow. "I saw you exchanging glances with that one barbarian in the hat and the tank top." He slaps Loui in the face. "I did not raise you to be a gay sissy!" Loui steps back, now more scared than angry. France pushes him to the ground. "Do I need to teach you what it means to be a man?" France asks rudely, grabbing a kitchen knife.

      Just then, three people, namely Florida, New York, and Texas, tackle France. Florida nicks the knife away from France and points it at him while Texas and New York hold the country in place. "Don't you threaten my bro, you scumbag!" Florida shouts angrily. "Get out! And remember than nobody wants to see you again!" Florida, along with New York and Texas, walk France outside before unceremoniously throwing him out to the curb. Florida returns quickly to make sure Loui is alright.

      Loui is sitting on the kitchen floor, shaking and crying silently. "Loui... He's gone." Florida's voice fills with concern for his best friend. "Mais, sha, I-I don't know what I'd do w-without you." Loui's voice is only slightly shaky now. Florida helps Louisiana up. New York and Texas come back to give Loui a brief hug before finishing washing the dishes. Florida takes Louisiana up to his room. Loui collapses onto the bed, and Florida slides right up next to him, Hugging him and whispering softly. "Don't worry, he won't be here ever again..." Loui wraps his arms around the slightly smaller state and pulls him close. "I love you, sha."

      "I love you too." Florida traces the scars on Loui's arms, peppering them with kisses. Loui slowly falls asleep, still holding Florida in his arms. Florida wraps his arms around Loui and falls asleep soon after.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  It's a little bit shorter than the last one, but I still enjoyed writing it. Hope you enjoy reading it!

Word count: 803 words.

[dewdr0pz]

omfg i need to RANT about this song gives me the fucking FEELS

tw: mentions of SH & depressive episodes

when i was going through a really bad depressive episode, I couldn't find a *single* song or artist that actually wrote songs about what it actually feels like to have depression. It was all "i'M sO eMo BlAaH i HaTe PeOpLe RaAa 💀😖🖤" & it was so obvious that they thought being depressed was a quirky little personality trait. It never felt *real*. & then I saw this song & I cried from the joy who hearing a song that was quite literally somebody recording what goes on in my mind during a depressive episode & turning it into a song.

"I look so much better, so I guess I'm alright" = Before I first heard this song, I was flooded with people telling me how much happier I seemed compared to last year, & how I looked more upbeat & less tired & dead. & I was a bit better, but I wasn't completely happy. & I was convinced that I had to be happy because everybody thought I was happy. This all applies to "I don't know if I can get better for you" because I was also plagued by this idea that I *had* to get better, I *needed* to get better because I needed to be the comic relief & the happy one in the friend groups, or everybody would leave me.

"My head is burning like a machine, tryna cool it down I figured I'd have gotten used to this by now" = One of the many factors that led me to a depressive episode was being really overworked & overwhelmed. I was working as a junior counselor at a BGC for zero pay, & the staff treated us like we weren't there, & the kids were either too touchy, or they were awful. Kids in the group that I worked in were either clinging onto me at all times & not letting me get a second of personal space, or they were screaming & being rude to me. & when I would discipline them, I turned into the "mean counselor" that none of the kids liked. I would've gotten a cash reward for "Best Jr. Counselor" if it wasn't for a few kids who thought I was a monster for telling them to act. & I thought, at the time, that this was really weird because back in 5th grade, I was also a Jr. Counselor, & I loved it! I was never stressed when doing it & I could handle it. & I had dealt with similar situations. &, call me cringe or cliche, but that's when I realized I was a burnt-out "gifted kid," the one who went from all the parents thinking I was responsible & a great counselor to being told off by my boss for being "rude" to the kids.

"I've gotten nearly everything I ever hoped I'd have So why am I still sad?" = At the time before the depressive episode, I was convinced my life was perfect. I had decent grades, a friend group, good art skills, teachers who loved me, & creative ideas 24/7. & when these started to slip away, I was in severe denial & I had convinced myself that I still was the perfect gifted child, so there was no reason for me to be sad over all of this.

"I tear myself in half" = I really *was* tearing myself up during this time. I was screaming at myself in the mirror & hurting myself whenever I messed up or didn't do something correctly.

"I didn't think that it would ever get this bad" = When I was younger & I first learned about self-harm & depression, I thought that would *never* happen to me. After all, why would you voluntarily hurt yourself? I would *never* be that sad. & then when it finally happened, I was shocked because I didn't think it would ever get that bad.

@zuuriell @somebody-v @vibestillaxxx @crows-death @r0ckstardr3amgal @ogelizasoot @lexx-the-gay-rubber-ducky @mochamuff1n im now torturing you all with my insanity :)

anyway sorry bout that lil rant :)