#finally dealing with the wounds left by Shannon

[stagefoureddiediaz]

So our yellow and blue high school coming back to us in 804 in another episode with home in the title and the connection to Eddie we got in 504 and seem likely to get in 804 got me thinking.

The mascot of that high school is the bluejay and they have very interesting symbolism connected to them, all of which play very well into what has been set up for Eddies journey this season!

Bluejay's are considered strong and protective birds and can be seen as loud, and aggressive, but the can also be seen as lucky or a symbol of good things to come.

Bluejays are connected to to the throat chakra - birds generally are connected to the throat chakra because both are connected to the element of air, but the bluejay is also connected through the colour blue. The throat chakra is related to authentic interpersonal and creative self expression and gives voice to the heart. It is said that if your throat chakra is blocked the person will have trouble expressing themselves and their truth and finding the words to explain how they really feel.

It is said that seeing bluejays in your life is telling you that you you need to work on your self - that you are not being honest in your communications because you are afraid that if you speak your truth you will not get what you want or need.

Bluejays are also connected to confidence - encouraging us to behave more confidently so that we can achieve more and gain the outcome we want and live our truth. The other aspect of the bluejay is judgment, both by ones self and by others. Bluejays are often judged because they appear bold and strong and can be aggressive, but those traits are signs of strong survival instincts, loyalty and intelligence - both intellectual and emotional. Seeing bluejays in your life can be a sign you are receiving unfair judgement from others, possibly because holding strong boundaries is triggering that persons ego.

Bluejays mate for life and stay with their partner all year round (some birds don't do this even if they mate for life!), they are family oriented birds - remaining loyal and protective of their family group. Their appearance in your life, especially after the breakdown of a relationship is said to be a sign that you need to work on healing your wounds so that you can honour the truth of your heart and move on and be happy.

Doesn't all of this sound very much like Eddie and what he is struggling with?! It does to me!

The fact that there are so many heart metaphors connected to bluejays and that they are being tied into the Wizard of Oz theming on the show - as we saw early on in s5 in the build up to 'Home and away' and again so far in season 8 in the build up to 'No place like home'. Its very telling!

Things just keep on getting louder and the idea that Tim is basically doing a redux of season 5 but as he would have actually done it had Fox not blocked things is feeling realer than ever!

[celepom]

It’s Pride 2023! Time to put up some more comic recs!

This time I’ve put together some stories about discovering one’s own queer identity, outlining a family history of queerness, and several stories where being queer isn’t the focus - queer characters are simply allowed to be.

Belle of the Ball By Mari Costa

High-school senior and notorious wallflower Hawkins finally works up the courage to remove her mascot mask and ask out her longtime crush: Regina Moreno, head cheerleader, academic overachiever, and all-around popular girl. There’s only one teensy little problem: Regina is already dating Chloe Kitagawa, athletic all-star…and middling English student. Regina sees a perfectly self-serving opportunity here, and asks the smitten Hawkins to tutor Chloe free of charge, knowing Hawkins will do anything to get closer to her. And while Regina’s plan works at first, she doesn’t realize that Hawkins and Chloe knew each other as kids, when Hawkins went by Belle and wore princess dresses to school every single day. Before long, romance does start to blossom…but not between who you might expect. With Belle of the Ball, cartoonist Mariana Costa has reinvigorated satisfying, reliable tropes into your new favorite teen romantic comedy.

---

The Moth Keeper By Kay O’Neill

Anya is finally a Moth Keeper, the protector of the lunar moths that allow the Night-Lily flower to bloom once a year. Her village needs the flower to continue thriving and Anya is excited to prove her worth and show her thanks to her friends with her actions, but what happens when being a Moth Keeper isn't exactly what Anya thought it would be? The nights are cold in the desert and the lunar moths live far from the village. Anya finds herself isolated and lonely. Despite Anya's dedication, she wonders what it would be like to live in the sun. Her thoughts turn into an obsession, and when Anya takes a chance to stay up during the day to feel the sun's warmth, her village and the lunar moths are left to deal with the consequences.

---

Hollow By Shannon Watters, Branden Boyer-White & Berenice Nelle

Isabel "Izzy" Crane and her family have just relocated to Sleepy Hollow, the town made famous by—and obsessed with—Washington Irving's legend of the Headless Horseman. But city slicker-skeptic Izzy has no time for superstition as she navigates life at a new address, a new school, and, with any luck, with new friends. Ghost stories aren't real, after all.... Then Izzy is pulled into the orbit of the town's teen royalty, Vicky Van Tassel (yes, that Van Tassel) and loveable varsity-level prankster Croc Byun. Vicky's weariness with her family connection to the legend turns to terror when the trio begins to be haunted by the Horseman himself, uncovering a curse set on destroying the Van Tassel line. Now, they have only until Halloween night to break it—meaning it's a totally inconvenient time for Izzy to develop a massive crush on the enigmatic Vicky. Can Izzy's practical nature help her face the unknown—or only trip her up? As the calendar runs down to the 31st, Izzy will have to use all of her wits and work with her new friends to save Vicky and uncover the mystery of the legendary Horseman of Sleepy Hollow—before it's too late. 

---

Until I Meet my Husband By Ryousuke Nanasaki & Yoshi Tsukizuki

The memoir of gay activist Ryousuke Nanasaki and the first religiously recognized same-sex marriage in Japan. From school crushes to awkward dating sites to finding a community, this collection of stories recounts the author’s “firsts” as a young gay man searching for love. Dating is never ever easy, but that goes doubly so for Ryousuke, whose journey is full of unrequited loves and many speed bumps. But perseverance and time heals all wounds, even those of the heart.

---

Is Love the Answer? By Uta Isaki

When it comes to love, high schooler Chika wonders if she might be an alien. She’s never fallen for or even had a crush on anyone, and she has no desire for physical intimacy. Her friends tell her that she just "hasn't met the one yet," but Chika has doubts... It's only when Chika enters college and meets peers like herself that she realizes there’s a word for what she feels inside--asexual--and she’s not the only one. After years of wondering if love was the answer, Chika realizes that the answer she long sought may not exist at all--and that that's perfectly normal.

---

M Is for Monster By Talia Dutton

When Doctor Frances Ai's younger sister Maura died in a tragic accident six months ago, Frances swore she would bring her back to life. However, the creature that rises from the slab is clearly not Maura. This girl, who chooses the name "M," doesn't remember anything about Maura's life and just wants to be her own person. However, Frances expects M to pursue the same path that Maura had been on—applying to college to become a scientist—and continue the plans she and Maura shared. Hoping to trigger Maura's memories, Frances surrounds M with the trappings of Maura's past, but M wants nothing to do with Frances' attempts to change her into something she's not. In order to face the future, both Frances and M need to learn to listen and let go of Maura once and for all. Talia Dutton's debut graphic novel, M Is for Monster, takes a hard look at what it means to live up to other people's expectations—as well as our own.

---

Golden Sparkle By Minta Suzumaru

Himaru Uehara’s first year of high school is off to a good start, minus one problem—he keeps having wet dreams. With only his mom and sister at home—and having skipped health class in middle school—he thinks it means there’s something wrong with him. Thankfully, a new friend has just the remedy and teaches Himaru exactly how to deal with those pesky dreams! But his solution only leads to more confusion, and the two find themselves navigating feelings they’ve never felt before.

---

Thieves By Lucie Bryon

Ella can’t seem to remember a single thing from the party the night before at a mysterious stranger’s mansion, and she sure as heck doesn’t know why she’s woken up in her bed surrounded by a magpie’s nest of objects that aren’t her own. And she can’t stop thinking about her huge crush on Madeleine, who she definitely can’t tell about her sudden penchant for kleptomania… But does Maddy have secrets of her own? Can they piece together that night between them and fix the mess of their chaotic personal lives in time to form a normal, teenage relationship? That would be nice.

---

Fun Home: A Family Tragicomic By Alison Bechdel

Meet Alison's father, a historic preservation expert and obsessive restorer of the family's Victorian home, a third-generation funeral home director, a high school English teacher, an icily distant parent, and a closeted homosexual who, as it turns out, is involved with his male students and a family babysitter. Through narrative that is alternately heartbreaking and fiercely funny, we are drawn into a daughter's complex yearning for her father. And yet, apart from assigned stints dusting caskets at the family-owned "fun home," as Alison and her brothers call it, the relationship achieves its most intimate expression through the shared code of books. When Alison comes out as homosexual herself in late adolescense, the denouement is swift, graphic -- and redemptive.

---

She Loves to Cook, and She Loves to Eat By Sakaomi Yuzaki

Cooking is how Nomoto de-stresses, but one day, she finds herself making way more than she can eat by herself. And so, she invites her neighbor Kasuga, who also lives alone. What will come out of this impromptu dinner invitation...?

Kasuga and Nomoto promised to spend their Christmas and New Year’s together. Now, they find themselves learning more about each other’s families through the food sent by Nomoto’s mother. Cute character bento, salmon and rice, stollen, fruit sandwiches, roast beef…Nomoto and Kasuga warm up to each other over a cheerful holiday season.  

[birgittesilverbae]

hey em what happened to princess after mary was also gone and does the answer involve lilith

how did I know it was gonna be you who landed on this (probably mainly bc I've already yelled at casper abt it). it'll be touched on briefly in the epilogue, but yes, you're v right, it's always been about Lilith (smth smth Lilith being mentioned in concert with Princess in every appearance 😌)

//

In the wake of the Vatican, in the wake of Beatrice and Ava leaving, Lilith teleports. It's uncontrolled, haphazard, some force drawing her, hooking into the meat of her and pulling her through fire and brimstone to emerge, reeling, in Mary's living room.

She collapses on the couch, exhausted, too tall to stretch out on it but unable to bring herself to take the bed. One hand curled beneath her cheek, the other dangling off the edge of the couch cushion.

She's awoken in the middle of the night by a strange sensation, something prickly and rasping across her skin, and her claws unsheathe of their own accord before she fully reaches consciousness. When she's finally blinked the sleep from her eyes, she finds herself face to face with Princess, who's sprung back away from her, fur puffed up, back arched, tail on high alert.

Lilith stares at her for a long long moment, at this mirror of her hurt and anger and fear, and tries to get her racing heart to settle. Finally she exhales all in a huff, retracts her claws, hugs her arms tightly about herself and tries to fall back asleep.

Her eyes snap back open at the sound of movement, though, and the last thing she sees is princess's eyes glittering back at her in the dark from the top of the cat tree in the corner of the room.

At first it's all automatic, the pull in her chest, the hole torn through the fabric of space time, spitting Lilith out in Mary's living room. She dutifully refreshes Princess' automated food and water dispensers, unhappily deals with the litter box, and sits in a silent uneasy truce with Princess, the two who've been left behind.

The first time it's a conscious decision to return to Mary's apartment, to use it as her homebase, Lilith's been badly injured by a wraith-possessed group. Well, it would have been a bad injury, had she not been who she is. Instead, the wounds seal up, scale over. But she's left sitting in her own blood-damp clothes realising that if she had died there'd be no one to look after Princess.

She teleports into the bathroom this time, feels faintly proud of herself for the improvement in precision she's worked so hard to train into herself that lands her directly in the tub. Shucks off her gear, washes the filth off her skin, raids Mary's closet for sweats. A burst of energy has her tackling the fridge, clearing out the moldering remnants of Mary's last meals. Has her cracking open a can of wet food and plating it beside Princess' usual bowl.

It wanes quickly though, the energy sapped from her limbs as she slumps on the couch and realises, distantly, that she may not have gotten the Halo, but she's still assuming some aspects of Shannon's life in her absence.

She pulls the hood of her sweater up over her head and curls up on her side on the couch. A moment later, there's pressure on the cushion beside her, and she opens her eyes to find Princess settling inside the curve of the lonely parenthesis of her body.

[tiara-thief]

belonging

a wolfblood fanfic

🐺 relationship: rhydian morris x maddy smith, with some friendship feels on the side for tom okanawe and shannon kelly 🍂 rating: T 🐺 words: 3129 🍂 summary: If he avoided Maddy, then maybe he could avoid thinking about his mother. He could avoid reopening all of his old wounds any more than they had been this past week, and he could avoid pressing on the new bruises he was left with. He was a mess, and Maddy shouldn’t have to deal with any of it. // Rhydian and Maddy finally talk after he meets Ceri.

🔗 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/52668622

[cinematics123]

A short little Buddie vignette/coda for after 6x17. I wrote it as blurb just after the show. But, given their season finale ending, this... just seems more like them:

“I heard about Taylor’s book," Eddie waived vaguely with a kitchen knife. "They interviewed her last night on the 11 pm news. She… was looking very pleased with herself.” Eddie looked up from the lunch he was putting together on the counter. Buck stared back at him, keys still in hand. “You came to talk about it?” Eddie prodded.

“No,” Buck started. “Not… not about Taylor. Um… Kameron is staying with me at the moment and I.. I was thinking she might need some space. Or I might need some space.”

“Kameron, who you are the sperm donor for?”

“Yeah…. That Kameron. Conor’s wife.” Buck’s shoulders deflated. He limped into the kitchen slowly and leaned up next to Eddie’s refrigerator.

“That’s awkward. How long is she staying?”

“I don’t know. She showed up during my date with Natalia last night. It was – a surprise.”

“How did Lady Death deal with your baby momma showing up on your doorstep?”

“Conor’s baby and his baby momma. And not great. Not great seeing Taylor on the news yesterday either. Not great running into Lucy either for that matter.”

Eddie stopped filling a ziplock bag with carrots and took a long look at Buck. “Wow. That’s a lot. Well… you said she sees you. So… she’s seen you then. It’s a lot on you, too. It's scary. But- Look, it’s like ripping a band-aid off. At least you don’t have to worry about explaining later. At least you got a lot out of the way early on.”

“Well, I thought she saw me. She… um… you’re right. A lot got put out on the table. All right at once. And… And –”

“Let me guess, the big bouncing box of wonderful loves you anyway.”

“She left. She saw just who I am. She saw all of me. The good. The bad. The mistakes. And she walked away. You’re right. She saw me, Eddie. And I wasn’t good enough.”

Eddie looked softly at Buck. His eyes were watery and wounded, like a kicked puppy.

“Well.. then I guess it’s official.” Eddie started. “What is?”

“You suck at dating worse than I do.”

Buck looked up, his jaw hanging slightly ajar. He huffed a single laugh and rolled his eyes. But a slight smirk slowly took over his face and laugh lines crinkled together at the corners of his baby blue eyes.

“Beer?” “Please. Thanks.”

Eddie walked past Buck to his fridge. Buck turned and trudged into the family room. Eddie could hear him collapse onto his couch. It complained for a moment for a second, but held his weight.

"Is this your model? Or Chris'?'" Buck asked as Eddie as entered with two open bottles.

"Y’know, when the doctors told me and Shannon that Chris had CP, the thought of helping him build school projects went right out of my head. I never dared to dream I would have to do this."

Buck looked up from the drawing and over to Eddie. "Have you started doing any college planning? I mean, putting some money down for when..."

Eddie took a swig of his beer. "I hadn't thought about that either."

"Well, can I help?"

Eddie's eyes widened. "With... his college fund or with the model?"

Buck smiled wider than Eddie's eyes had grown. "Let's start with the model, then we'll see. While you were out with a machine gun in Afghanistan, I was out and about with a nail gun across the Southeast. I have some idea what I'm doing."

"Okay. You’re the man with the answers. How can I pay you for being my son’s engineering consultant?"

"You have a few hours to kill? And maybe a few more beers?"

"I can keep the beers coming if you don't mess up the hot glue."

"Ok then." Buck smiled. "Let’s get to work."

[trashendence]

Bestie hi hello sorry to barge in like this but I’m having an eddie-related mental breakdown fault of your latest post exclusively so here I am. As always, you are So Right and still- I can’t seem to understand what Eddie's notion of normal is. Because although his personality is well recognisable, even under all the layers he built, he never really claimed a clear identity, did he? He’s been a son, a husband, a soldier, a father, a firefighter. And yet - with the exception of his love for Chris that I don’t think has ever faltered - he was never really all those things at the same time? So do you think the deconstruction you talked about consists also in the acknowledgement that there was never really a “normal”? That each version of himself he tried and called, as you said, “the best way to go on” was never really him, but rather a personification of the one single trait he needed to prioritise in order to “heal” the most recent wound- the perfect son, to heal the wounds his parents’ disappointment left on his skin, the husband, to heal the wound of his sins, the soldier, in the firm belief it was the only possible chance at redemption and so on. It’s true he now has a whole support system and a person who loves him enough to take him by the hand and help him through every step, but the deconstruction will need to be a demonstration that not only he’s never fully been his true self, but that there has also never been a single version of him, that he tried on different personas and none of them properly worked precisely because none of them were authentic enough to hold all of him. Basically, that he doesn’t need to break apart his old self, but all his old selves to rebuild from the ground up the only real version of him…I'm in agony

it's so good to see you in my inbox (saw your tags on the post and was about to ask for your many beautiful thoughts). never apologize for stopping by, especially if you come to drop these killer questions.

so, eddie.

i personally think eddie's normal has changed over the years, again and again, and that the roles he's decided to cover in a very specific way have always been the practical solution to whatever problem he was facing. he didn't feel ready to deal with the issues he and shannon had so he reenlisted for a second tour, he couldn't stand being too busy to see his son and left el paso with him, then fought to get his family back together and asked shannon to stay, and so on and on and on. the thing is, none of these were the easy choice. they're never decisions he takes because they might be what the people around him want; eddie doesn't act to please anyone, ever. i think he thrives on having to defend his choices, actually, on actively enduring the consequences of these decisions, all on his own. he needs to be the only variable at play - loose from others’ opinions - so that he can be sure everything goes according to his plans.

i believe all the versions of himself he has piled on top of each other for years - the decisions he's had to make at some point or another to go on - are not really the "normal" he always tries to stick to. he's not attached to the path he's chosen per se, it's more about this enduring attitude toward new challenges and trauma (and what you said here: "the personification of the one single trait he needed to prioritise in order to “heal” the most recent wound" is so spot on imo). i can see him revolutionizing his life once again in a heartbeat - moving, changing jobs - if it meant he could erase his problems. what really is different now, what really calls for him to deconstruct this pragmatic approach he has to life, is that he can't escape his problems anymore. he's finally recognized that what's wrong with him is not a limb he can cut off and there is no place far enough he can run to to forget his pain. he's probably also realizing that all his decisions did not come from pure, free will, but from his response to trauma ("trauma often causes us to turn inward"), so that trauma was the real deciding agent, not him. i think eddie has to rebuild his ability to go down certain paths because of joy and not in spite of pain.

and the most absurd part of all of this is that his life may not change one bit, at least if looked at from afar. he may still be a firefighter because he loves it, be single or in a relationship because his heart wants to, be open about his emotions because he feels safe to do so. his new normal has to encompass all of him because it’s his and whatever he chooses to do out of love for himself and the people he cares about automatically becomes the norm, changing as he does and not vice versa.

[anon911andbuddie]

Prompt: After the ladder truck crushed Buck’s leg he becomes estranged from the team. Buck ends up losing the leg, and Eddie finds out after the fact from Christopher. Buddie h/c ensues

As always, this got away from me. I started this prompt weeks ago but it just kept getting longer and longer, then realized I missed a tiny prompt aspect and reworked it. Then again it got longer and longer. And oops, the word count is now over 7.5k. But it is finished.

So strap in for some angst, hurt/comfort, firefam doing firefam things, and Buddie finally gets their moment. Hope you all enjoy reading it as much as I did writing and rewriting.  

-Scarlet 📕

Trigger Warnings: Mentions of death (Shannon's), Bombing, hostage situations (AKA events of season 2, episode 18), Hospitals, injury, infection, amputation, depression, refusal to eat, anxiety, swearing, nightmares, secret keeping, hints of gaslighting, attempted ghosting, self-deprecation. And all around Buck Drama.

At What Cost?

Everyone kept telling Buck that he was lucky to be alive. That he had survived a bombing and being trapped under a 20-ton truck. Buck didn’t feel lucky. He had survived, but it cost him the use of his leg. Sure his leg was still attached but the muscle damage was enough to force him out of his job. One guy pressed a button and undid Buck’s entire life. His career as a firefighter was over. His parents hadn’t even come to see him. Sure they called, but it was like his ruined life meant nothing to them. He couldn’t live in the apartment he hadn’t even fully moved into yet since he couldn’t use the stairs. Buck was so beyond done.

The most annoying part was that his story was all over the news, Taylor Kelly had seen to that. Eddie had actually been furious about how she played up her so-called “personal connection” for the story. Buck genuinely didn’t care about Taylor Kelly right now. Anywhere he tried to go people would recognize him, pity him, and that wasn’t totally on her. Every news station jumped at the opportunity to showcase the whole disaster. He hated it. He hated everything. He couldn’t do his job. He had no purpose. No matter how his sister, his girlfriend, his team, Carla, or even Christopher tried to tell him it would get better. He didn’t believe them. His leg was useless. There was no going back from this.

He didn’t care if the city and the fire department had compensated him decently for having an on-the-job accident resulting in his inability to work, but Buck knew they only did it because the whole thing had gone viral. The world finally recognized Buck as a hero, too bad he would never feel like one again. He was just a burden now. A burden on the system, a burden on his friends. They had insisted that he might not be on the team anymore, but he was still one of them. He found that hard to believe. They all had their own lives. Bobby and Athena eloping proved it. They didn’t need a cripple ex-firefighter messing things up for them. And Eddie, Christopher, even Maddie, all had their own trauma to deal with. They didn’t need him making things worse. He didn’t want that for his family. So he did the only reasonable thing in his book. As soon as he had any semblance of autonomy back he did what he knew they all probably secretly wished would happen. He pulled away. He had found a new apartment and didn't really tell anyone where he was. They left him messages. They were all worried.

"He needs time," the doctors told them. "He will need to adjust. He just lost his job, his pride is wounded. He might feel like he has lost his independence."

Carla had been the only person able to get to him and even she saw him sparingly because she had her own responsibilities. It was weeks later when Eddie got an unsettling phone call from Carla saying she needed a few days off.

"Everything alright, your family okay?" Eddie asked.

"Yeah, they’re fine,” Carla assured him. “It's...well, Buck needs my help for a few days."

"Oh," Eddie tried not to sound hurt that his best friend had called Carla for help and not him. Eddie knew that Carla had been his friend first, but he was his best friend. "I'll see if Abuela can look after Chris. Let Buck know we miss him."

"I will," she assured him again. "Thanks, Eddie."

Eddie felt bad but just two days after he gave Carla the time off she needed he had found out Abuela couldn’t cover one of the days. So Eddie did the only thing he could, he called Carla.

“I know I said I would get Abuela to watch him, but she can’t tomorrow. Is it possible you could at least pick him up and -”

“Let me check and call you back,” Carla told him and hung up. She called back a couple of minutes later. She sighed but told him it was fine. “I can bring him with me, it won't be an issue.”

The next day at work they were all shocked by a surprise visitor.

“Hello?” Ali said as she entered the station loft a few weeks later. Bobby swiftly got to his feet. No one had really seen her since Buck was released.

“Hey, Ali, is everything alright? How’s Buck?” Bobby asked.

“That’s actually why I’m here,” Ali said.

“What about Buck?” Eddie asked as he joined them, drawing the attention of Hen and Chimney.

“Have any of you heard from him recently?” Ali asked.

They looked at each other and shook their heads.

“That’s what I thought,” Ali said. “This probably isn’t my place, but I think someone should check on him.”

“You’re his girlfriend, why wouldn’t it be your place?” Hen asked, confusion clear on her face.

“Was, past tense, he…” Ali sighed. “He broke it off, but that isn’t my point.” She shook her head. “No, after they...I know he has been through something no one can prepare themselves for. I know he is struggling, but he doesn’t want me there.”

"When did you guys split?" Eddie asked.

"A few days ago," Ali admitted.

“Huh,” Eddie said. “Well Chris is with Carla today and I know she’s seen him. I’ll ask her-”

“Yes, Carla,” Ali nodded. “She is the only one he seems to trust these days.”

“What are you trying to say, Ali?” Bobby asked.

“I’m saying he isn’t doing well and needs someone to check in on him, and well, that’s not only part of your job but you’re like his family.” She looked from face to face as she spoke. “I’m sure he’ll be more receptive to you guys.”

“We’ll check on him,” Bobby assured her.

“That’s all I’m asking,” Ali said.

Eddie’s anxiety only grew when Christopher had been unusually silent since Carla dropped him off. His son didn't really want to talk about where he'd been or what he did at school and he didn't really touch his dinner. It had alarm bells going off in Eddie's head. They had made some progress trying to get back some semblance of normal after losing Shannon. It was like all that progress was undone in one afternoon. He had sent Carla a text and she had told him Christopher just needed time to deal with what he went through. She assured him he would talk to Eddie when he was ready, but Eddie had an uneasy feeling he was missing something. It wasn't until he woke up at 3 am and heard sniffling when he went to check on his son did Eddie get really worried.

"Hey, Buddy, have a bad dream?" Eddie asked. Christopher nodded. "Want to tell me about it?" Eddie didn't like the way Christopher hesitated to answer.

"He didn't want anyone to know, but I know and-" Christopher let out a sob and Eddie pulled him into a hug. When Christopher had quieted some Eddie tried to find out what was going on.

"What happened, Bud?" He asked. "What weren't you supposed to know?"

"That Buck's leg is gone," Christopher told him and Eddie didn't know what he expected, but it sure as hell didn't expect that.

"What?" Eddie asked.

Christopher pulled back and looked up at his dad with tear-filled eyes. "Gone, gone. They took it off. From here," Christopher pointed at his dad's knee and down to his toes. "To here is gone."

"It was just a dream, Chris," Eddie told him earning another round of sobs as Christopher shook his head.

"They did in real life too," Christopher cried.

Eddie froze. Was this really happening? The doctors had said Buck needed time to heal and that he would hopefully get back on his feet in time. What the hell had happened? Why hadn't Buck told him? Why didn't Carla? How was he just learning this at 3 am from his son?

"Dad?" Christopher tugged at his arm.

Eddie had to clear his throat before he could speak. "I'm here, bud,” Eddie spoke softly, trying to assure his son that everything would be alright. He held Christopher close. “Whatever is going on with Buck, we'll figure it out, okay? I talk to Carla and Buck, and we'll help him, okay?" Christopher nodded. Eddie smiled and asked, "Think you can try to sleep now?"

"Yeah," Christopher said as he got settled back in his bed. "Thanks, Dad."

Eddie gave his son a kiss on the forehead. "Night, Bud. Love you."

"Love you too."

As soon as Eddie was in his bedroom he pulled out his phone and went to dial Bobby's number but he stopped. It was 3 am and he didn't have any real facts, just what Christopher said. Instead, he sent Carla a text that Christopher had told him and to call him first thing. Then he settled in for what he knew was a sleepless night.

Eddie drank his third cup of coffee after waking up two hours before his alarm from another nightmare about the bombing. He dreamed he'd failed to save Buck and he had buried his best friend right next to his wife. So he was wide awake when his phone rang.

"For the record," Carla said when he did. "I told him he needed to tell at least Maddie, you, and Bobby too."

"What happened?" Eddie asked.

She sighed. "I noticed some discoloration on his leg when I was visiting. We got it checked out and he ended up with a nasty infection and with the amount of tissue damage he already had, well..." Eddie's chest felt painfully tight as Carla spoke. He must have made a noise because when she continued she said, "I'm sorry, Eddie, but you know as well as I do, there wasn't much of an option at that point…"

"They had to amputate it," Eddie finished for her. He gripped the phone tighter as his hands began to shake.

"They did," Carla affirmed.

"Shit," Eddie cursed under his breath, he could feel tears in his eyes.

"I know it is a lot to take in. I was surprised Christopher handled it so well, but he-"

"He really didn't," Eddie sort of blurted out.

"What? Is he okay?" Carla sounded suddenly very alert.

"I woke up to him crying at 3 am. He was telling me that Buck's leg was gone from the knee down and I figured it was just a bad dream, he told me it wasn't, and honestly, it felt like I'd been sucker-punched." Eddie let out a shaking breath as he rubbed at his eyes to keep from crying. "I told him that I'd talk to you, and hopefully Buck and we'd figure something out, but that felt almost like a lie. Why didn't he tell me? Or the team? Or-"

"He wasn't ready," Carla said. "I really hoped he would let you all back in but he was hurting and after watching him push Ali away, I was a bit worried he would do the same with all of you. I was genuinely shocked he agreed to let Christopher come over. Then again, when doesn't he put Christopher's well-being before his own..."

"How...how bad is he?" Eddie felt his nails dig into the palm of the hand that wasn’t gripping the phone.

"Honestly, Eddie," Carla said sadly, "Physically, he is healing. The infection was isolated to an area about mid-calf level. So they could save his knee, and that means a lot for future mobility."

Eddie let out a strangled sob. "God, Carla, he must be a wreck. He must be hurting."

"He is, but he doesn't want to add to anyone else's plate, especially you and Christopher. He-"

"What? No," Eddie said, taken aback. "He is my best friend, my partner, we agreed to always have each other's back."

"That's just it, Eddie. You don't work together anymore. You aren't partners. That was-"

"No, absolutely not," Eddie stated. "Doesn't matter, job or no job, it changes nothing. He is still my best friend. He was there every step after…" Eddie grew quiet.

"Eddie? You still there?" Carla questioned.

"Yeah...I," Eddie said his tone quiet and sorrowful. "He didn't want us to worry, especially so soon after Shannon, didn't he..."

"He was hoping to avoid, well, he was hoping to avoid Christopher being afraid of losing him."

"By pushing us away? Might have meant less horrific Buck-centric nightmares, but he'd still be losing his Buck. It'd be just like when Shannon left the first time. How is that preferable?"

"I hoped with time he would see that, but here we are," Carla admitted.

"I...have to make some phone calls. Call me if anything else happens, and I mean anything, okay?”

"Sure, Eddie. Tell Chris that it'll be okay. That Buck is getting better. He just might need some help feeling better, but he will get there."

"I will. Thanks, Carla."

Eddie looked at the clock and realized he needed to get Christopher up for school. After they had gotten ready, they ate breakfast, and he got Christopher off to school. Eddie pulled his phone out and called Bobby.

"Morning, Eddie, how's Christopher?" Bobby asked.

"Well he had a rough night but that's why I'm calling. Bobby, he told me at 3 am that Buck had lost his leg."

"What?" Bobby asked.

"Yeah, at first I thought he was telling me about a dream, but I talked to Carla and they really did have to amputate his leg."

"Why? What happened?"

"Carla said he got an infection, and they couldn't save it. Bobby," Eddie let out a shaking breath.

Bobby had to sit down. This was because of him. Freddie had blown up that truck to hurt Bobby, and he did, more than Freddie could possibly know. He took the heart of 118 and smashed it to pieces. Buck had always been so good at keeping them all light-hearted. The firehouse just didn't feel the same without him. From Buck’s point of view, Freddie had taken everything but his life. Freddie had taken his job, his connection to his friends, and now his leg. Bobby had told Buck that he might not be on the team anymore but he was still part of their family. Bobby had listened to the professionals and trusted that Buck just needed time. Now he was kicking himself. He thinks of all the times he sat beside him as Buck lay in a hospital bed. He was even one of his emergency contacts. Bobby cursed himself. He should have tried harder. He shouldn't have relied on Eddie talking to Carla. He should have just looked after him himself like he had promised himself after that first hospital trip. This was all his fault.

"Bobby?" Eddie called his name.

"I'm still here," Bobby told him. "Does Maddie know?"

"No, she doesn't," Eddie answered. "Carla said she tried to get him to tell her and us."

"I'll call her," Bobby sighed.."

"Thanks, Bobby."

"You okay?" Athena asked as she sat beside her husband. He didn't know how to answer that. He didn't know if he was. Buck had been through so much because of him, and Bobby missed it. He wasn't there when the bomb went off. He wasn't there when he got the infection. He wasn't there when they amputated his leg. He should have been.

"What happened?" Athena asked when it was clear Bobby wasn't going to answer that particular question.

"Buck's injured leg became infected,” Bobby replied. “They had to amputate."

"That poor kid just can't catch a break," Athena said sadly.

"I need to call Maddie," Bobby said.

"Why you?" Athena asked.

"Because I owe them at least that much," Bobby said as he looked through the contacts on his phone.

"Bobby," Athena started but he cut her off.

"He wouldn't be in this mess if It wasn't for me," He told his wife.

Athena shook her head. "You didn't blow up that truck, you didn't get him sick. You-"

"But I wasn't there, Athena. I should have been. If I had been there that night-"

"You didn't have a choice,” a very serious Athena told him, “and you got there as soon as you could. You faced a bomber with a death wish to save him. Freddie is the one to blame. Freddie detonated that bomb. Freddie wouldn't let the medics go to him right away. Freddie made this happen."

"All to hurt me,” Bobby said with remorse, “and Buck paid the price. "

"And the fact it does hurt you, means you are a good person. You would have taken Buck's place in a heartbeat, but Freddie would have killed you. Not giving you the chance to get a word in. You would be dead. Leaving Buck and the rest of us devastated. Losing a leg will be something Buck has to learn to live with, but he will do it and he will live. He will figure it out and we will all help him put his life back together. But losing you would have been so much worse for that kid. You've been down the road of what-ifs and if only’s. He'd be lost down that very same road, just like he is now. The only difference is you are still here to pull him back. You still can. So sure, call Maddie since you did just tell Eddie you would, but do it because you want Buck to feel better and have his sister there with him. Not because you think you deserve to suffer."

"Okay," Bobby sighed, he knew she was right, but he still felt like this was on him.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

The call with Maddie did not go well. Bobby was glad that Chimney had been there for her. She had cried and Chim had taken over getting the information for her and she insisted on going to see him immediately. Athena called Hen and filled her in. Hen couldn't figure out how things had gotten so bad and they had missed it. Athena wished she had an answer, but sadly, no one really did.

The next afternoon, Bobby heard shouting as he approached Buck’s new wheelchair-friendly apartment. He had found out from Chim that Maddie had stayed the night at Buck's after refusing to leave her brother’s side. She went as far as crawling into his bed and they had eventually broken down and cried about it. Bobby was quick to offer to come over and spend some time with Buck while Maddie worked that evening. That was how he ended up at Buck’s new place. It would help both of them feel better if someone they knew was there.

“I said I’m FINE!” Bobby heard Buck shout. “You shouldn't have told them!” The door was cracked as he neared it so the captain could hear the more subdued voice of Maddie as he nudged it open.

“Evan please, they just want to know you are okay,” Maddie said. "You lost a leg, they care."

“They got a fucked up way of showing it!” Buck shouted. “But I’m fine. Tell them I’m fine and go.”

“Buck,” Maddie said, her voice filled with sorrow.

“Don’t.” Buck hissed through gritted teeth. “Don’t pity me.”

“It’s not pity, Buck, I-"

“Don’t guilt-trip me either,” Buck said, glaring at her.

“Buck, please,” Maddie started but stopped when she saw Bobby in the doorway. “You have a visitor.” She forced a smile and turned to Bobby. “Hi, Bobby.”

“What’s going on?” Bobby asked as he entered the apartment.

“Buck is...well,” Maddie said, on the verge of tears. “Our parents called me because he won't take their calls. They are worried about him.” Bobby heard Buck snort of derision as he wheeled his chair over.

“Hey Buck,” Bobby said as a distraction. “I brought the stuff for stir fry, figured we could make dinner.”

“That is a great idea,” Maddie smiled. “I have a shift soon, but you guys enjoy dinner.” Maddie kissed the top of her brother’s head. “I’ll be back tomorrow.”

“Not necessary,” Buck said as he turned his chair and started towards the kitchen. “But whatever.”

“Love you,” Maddie half-shouted.

“Mmhmm,” was Buck’s only response and Bobby could tell it pained the sister. Bobby put an arm around her shoulder and walked her to the door.

“He’s adjusting, it can be a jarring process. I’m sure he’ll talk to them soon, the fact he is talking to us now means he is getting better," Bobby tried to reassure her. “Try not to read too much into the thing with your parents. I’ll see if I can cheer him up a bit.”

“Thanks, Bobby,” Maddie gave him a hug and left.

Bobby went to Buck’s kitchen and started getting the ingredients ready. Buck was quiet except for telling Bobby where things were when he asked. Bobby was glad Buck hadn't kicked him out or even ask him to leave at all. It had been months since Bobby had really seen him. They talked a few times, but the guilt Bobby felt now hit him deep down. He nearly lost Buck, then let him drift too far. He needed Buck to be okay. But he had to focus on the here and now, not his past mistakes. So he tried to get a real conversation going, but Buck’s single-word replies didn’t really make it easy. When the meal was done and they were sitting at Buck’s table, Bobby tried again. “How’s PT going?” Bobby asked. “Started working with the prosthetic yet?"

“It’s fine,” Buck answered. “The swelling is finally down enough they can hopefully fit it soon."

“Well that’s progress,” Bobby smiled as he took a bite of his dinner. "You in any pain?" Bobby finally asked now that Buck actually seemed to be speaking in full sentences.

Buck shrugged. “Not as much as there was before.”

“Well that’s not bad, means everything’s healing,” Bobby said with a nod. “Hopefully with time, it will get better, especially once you can get the muscles moving again."

Buck let out a bitter laugh as he poked at a pepper on his plate. “That’s just the thing, it’s not really going to get better.”

“You’ll walk again, Buck,” Bobby tried to assure him. “They didn't know if you would have been able to before, but with a prosthetic, you'll have a fair amount of movement back.”

“Doesn’t matter if I do,” Buck said as he set his fork down. “Thanks for dinner, but I’m not hungry,” Buck said. “I think I’m going to go lay down.”

“Do what you need to, Buck. I’ll take care of this.”

“Thanks,” Buck mumbled, wheeling himself towards his bedroom. Bobby sighed after the bedroom door closed. It broke Bobby’s heart to see Buck like that. The captain got up and started looking around the kitchen until he found some plastic containers to store the stir fry in. He was going to leave it for Buck to eat when he finally felt like eating. He hoped that Buck still had some kind of caregiver that was looking after him and making sure he ate. When he was done he took a few minutes to clean up Buck’s apartment, or really straightened up, there really wasn’t much in the apartment and his caregiver must have been keeping things tidy.

He knocked on the bedroom door when he ran out of things to do. He eased the door open when he didn't get a reply. Buck was awake and sort of staring at the ceiling.

"Hey," Bobby said, his voice quiet. "I put the rest in the fridge."

"Okay," Buck said, without even looking at Bobby.

"I'm going to head out I guess," Bobby didn't really want to leave Buck like that but it was getting late and what else could he do. He didn't want to feel like he was taking away Buck's independence, but he also didn't want him to feel abandoned. It was a tough line to walk. "Call if you need anything."

"Yeah, okay," Buck said as he glanced at Bobby before rolling on his side so his back was to his former captain.

"I'll see you soon," Bobby assured him. He didn't get a reply. It caused him to hesitate but when Buck didn't show any sign of moving he left, locking Buck's front door behind him. It hurt Bobby to leave. He had already lost so many people in his life. Leaving Buck in that way felt wrong but he wasn't Buck's dad, he wasn't even his boss anymore. This was uneasy terrain and Bobby was doing his best to do what was best for Buck. He just hoped he wasn't making the wrong decision.

Eddie knocked on Buck's door on their next day off. Bobby had told him how Buck had seemed so broken. Eddie couldn’t believe Buck still hadn’t answered his calls. He wanted to make sure his best friend was okay, but his best friend wasn’t making it easy. Maddie had assured him it was probably just because Buck didn't want to burden Eddie so soon after losing Shannon. Sure, Eddie had just lost his wife, but now he felt like he was failing his best friend. He shook himself from his thoughts and looked over at Christopher. He was surprised when he tried the handle and it wasn't even locked. This was LA. Was Buck trying to get robbed? Was his caretaker that reckless?

"Hey, Buck," he said as they let themselves in. "It's just us,” Eddie called out. “You stay here,” he told Christopher as he shut the door. “I’m going to check on, Buck.”

“Okay,” Christopher said and went to sit on the couch, turning the tv on as he did.

Eddie headed towards what Christopher had said was the bedroom. He knocked before pushing the door open. "You hear me?" Eddie asked.

"Yes, Eddie," Buck grumbled from where he was on the bed. "I heard you. Honestly, not sure I'm up for it today.”

"That's okay, we can go at whatever speed you want," Eddie said. "Why don't we go out and get something to eat, get some sunshine."

"Not really hungry," Buck told him.

"Okay," Eddie said. "It's like 75 in here, aren't you roasting?" He moved to help Buck pull back some of the blankets back but was stopped when Buck shoved his hand away. "Buck, man aren't you hot?" The medic didn't miss how Buck looked at the spot where his leg would be if he still had it. "Buck, I was an army medic, I know my fair share of amputees. I was there when you were hurt and I am trying to be here now. It's okay."

"It's really not," Buck said. "You want to see it, fine." Buck pulled the cover back to show his wrapped leg. Angry red skin peeking from the wrapping worried the medic. He was also worried by the fact Buck seemed to be avoiding looking at it himself.

"Hey," Eddie knelt down beside the bed. "I know I haven't been around and I’d go back and change that if I could, but nothing you can do is going to scare me off."

"Sure, Eddie," Buck grumbled, clearly not taking him seriously.

"I'm not lying, Buck. I've missed having my best friend around. If you think I didn't ask Carla every damn day how you were, then you are mistaken. Christopher is here too, he’s out watching TV."

"But I can't take care of him like I could before," Buck said.

"Maybe, but if you think Chris cares that you don't have a leg then you clearly need a Christopher Diaz refresher course, because you could literally be in a coma or completely paralyzed and he'd still want to visit you every day and talk your ear off. You always loved him despite the crutches and CP, do you really think he wouldn't do the same. You're his hero, Buck. You survived being blown up and crushed. He damn near thinks your magic."

"But I can't-"

“No buts, now let me take a look at your leg. I want to make sure it is just irritated from PT or something like that," Eddie said as he slowly reached for the bandage. He internally cheered when Buck didn't slap him away. He continued to speak as he did. "Then, you’re going to hang out with Christopher so you can see for yourself that the Diaz boys are stubborn when you try to turn us away. Like shoving a brick wall."

"Talking to one too," Buck grumbled, but Eddie looked over at him he saw the hint of a smile. That was a victory Eddie would take. He finished checking over what was left of Buck's leg. And rebandaged it. "How does it look?" Buck asked him.

"A lot better than anything I saw in the field. So it looks great in my book." Eddie grinned at the eye roll it earned him. “You going to get up?” When Buck hesitated and pulled the blankets back over his leg Eddie nodded. “Okay, we’ll play it your way.” Eddie went and turned off the TV and scooped Christopher up. He ignored the mild protest and confusion from his son as he went back into the bedroom and carefully put his son on the bed.

“Hi Buck,” Christopher said when he’d settled into the bed.

“Hey Bud,” Buck replied.

“See, better already,” Eddie said as he grabbed the remote for the TV that was on Buck’s dresser and went to sit on the other side of Christopher. He found the cartoon Christopher had been watching in the living room and set the remote down. “Everybody good?” he asked, looking between his son and his best friend.

“Yeah,” Christopher said as he cuddled into Buck’s side. Buck gave a silent nod and stared at the TV.

“Good,” Eddie nodded and settled in. An hour or so passed before Christopher complained he was hungry. Only after some encouragement from Christopher did Buck agree to get out of bed, but only if they went and get lunch started. Eddie hesitated, he was there to help Buck. Buck glared and repeated that he’d be out in a minute. Eddie reminded himself that Buck had always been independent. Not always by choice, but he was. So Eddie agreed and after helping Christopher out of the bed, they headed toward the kitchen. He was almost done assembling the sandwiches when Buck rolled in to join them, a blanket covering his legs. Eddie wanted to tell him he’d overheat, but fearing another argument, he kept it to himself. Instead, he sent Christopher out to sit at the table. He grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and handed it to Buck. “Some of those meds will suck you dry if you aren’t careful,” Eddie stated as an excuse.

“So will the medical bills,” Buck grumbled but didn’t refuse the drink.

“Still beats the VA, you’d still be waiting on getting looked at. Not even Carla could manage that red tape,” Eddie said as he put the sandwiches all on one plate.

“Oh I am telling Carla you doubt her awesomeness,” Buck stated, a grin taking over his features.

Eddie damn near cried at how happy he was to see some semblance of joy in his weary best friend. He had to remind himself to say something. “Try scheduling a follow-up at the VA while rehabbing your arm after taking an armor-piercing round. I’m not even sure they know how to answer a phone, and when they do, yikes. So much anger in those receptionists. I think they’re genetically modified to spit venom if you really cross them. I doubt even Carla would want to take them on, even with her awesomeness.”

Buck laughed and Eddie’s pretty sure his heart skipped a beat. He hadn’t really realized how much he missed that sound, or just being around Buck in general.

“Okay, okay, genetically modified receptionists would be a military thing,” Buck grinned. “And, we all know the VA is slower than snails.”

“It is. Here,” Eddie grinned, handing Buck the plate of sandwiches. “Go feed the kid before we all end up in trouble.”

“Can’t have that now can we,” Buck said as he set the plate in his lap and carefully made his way to the table.

“Thanks, Buck,” Christopher smiled when Buck gave him one of the sandwiches. Eddie set a plate with veggies and chips, alongside an open bottle of juice in front of Christopher. The three of them set to eating. Eddie waiting for both Buck and Christopher to start before he did. He knew Buck avoiding meals was probably more him avoiding getting out of bed to eat. He knew Buck loved food. So he was pleased when Buck didn’t put up a fight over the sandwich. After lunch and some coaxing, the three of them decided to go to the park. It was a normal thing for them to do. Get some sun, as fresh of air you could get in a large metropolitan city, and let Christopher play with some kids outside of school. They were both watching Christopher talking with another boy about some action figures when Buck glanced at Eddie.

“So uh...how’s work?” Buck asked.

“It’s work,” Eddie said, unsure of how to handle the topic. He knows it can’t be easy for him.

“You guys find a replacement for me yet?” Buck asked, his eyes trained on Christopher, refusing to show the emotions he felt.

“No one can replace you, Buck,” Eddie told him, squeezing Buck’s shoulder as he did. “I mean, we have a new guy, but if you thought me joining was a pain, this guy has it so much worse.”

“How?” Buck asked, finally looking at Eddie. “How could it be worse than some hotshot decorated army medic stealing all the thunder?” Buck’s joke earning him a small chuckle. “Can’t be worse than when I started,” Buck stated.

“Well he hasn’t stolen the truck, but he’s no you,” Eddie shrugged. “It’s a job to the guy, no passion, no heart. I mean he gets the job done, but it’s not the same. No spark in the guy. Not like you.”

“Like me?” Buck asked.

“Well yeah,” Eddie stated. “I mean, you always had something to tell us about at the start of shift, some exciting thing you saw, or weird thing you learned on the internet. You always had some factoid to keep whoever it is we were helping out of their own head if needed. Sure, it could be annoying at times, but it was endearing and effective when necessary. The dude is practically a robot in comparison.”

A few days later they were all shocked when Bobby stopped in his tracks during a post-call check and restock.

“Buck,” Bobby said, catching everyone’s attention. “Glad to see you out and about.”

“Yeah well, Eddie said this place was downright gloomy without me, so I had to stop by,” Buck stated.

Eddie snorted as he closed one of the compartment doors on the truck. “Okay, that is a bit of an exaggeration.”

“Teeny bit,” Buck smirked.

“Looking good, Buckaroo,” Hen grinned as she came to hug him.

“That’s a lie and we both know it, but thanks for trying,” Buck grinned as he hugged her back.

“Nah, the way these two made it sound, you were a dramatized disaster,” Chim gestured at Bobby and Eddie as he spoke.

“Also an exaggeration,” Eddie stated. “And Ali was the one that said you were in bad shape, not us. We-”

“I still can’t believe she came here,” Buck said. “Was I really that bad?”

“Well,” Chimney started to say. “I mean…”

Eddie shoved Chimney’s shoulder. “You’re dealing with a lot, Buck. No one expects you to be anything but what you are. You didn’t move 800 plus miles to get away from it all, so you’re already handling it better than I did when I left the military.”

“You had family here,” Buck countered.

“So do you,” Bobby stated.

“On the team or not,” Hen stated. “You’re still stuck with us, especially Chimney, your sister likes him too much. And I’m sure we’ll still need a crowbar to separate you two on your days off.” She gestured at Buck and Eddie. “So I don’t see how that much has changed.” She grinned.

“Valid point,” Eddie stated. They turned when they heard someone clear their throat.

“Oh, right,” Bobby said. “Buck this is Nick VanHolden. VanHolden, meet Buck.”

“Nice to meet you,” VanHolden said, holding his hand out. Buck glanced at Eddie and Bobby. Eddie shrugged and Bobby nodded.

“You too,” Buck said as he shook the guy’s hand. You didn’t have to be a mind reader to know that Buck’s greeting was half-hearted.

“Nice to finally put a face with the name, left some big boots to fill,” VanHolden said. The team froze. VanHolden seemed to realize what he said and cringed. “I...sorry, just meant that you’re a big deal in the department. Every firehouse in the city talked about you for days. And these guys, don’t get me started.”

“We wish you hadn’t,” Eddie grumbled under his breath, earning a smack from Hen.

“I uh…” VanHolden went to continue but Buck stopped him.

“Don’t worry about it, man,” Buck shrugged. “I’m sure my shiny new leg with be in more comfortable shoes than you guys are stuck with. Not going to miss the 100° summer turnout gear, I’ll tell you that.” It was uneasily quiet for a minute until Buck chuckled. “Harsh crowd. Well, that one went over better with the assistant when I went to PT the other day, but I guess comedy isn’t for everybody.” Buck smirked.

“Why do we miss him again?” Chim said with a grin.

“Because his jokes are still better than yours,” Hen stated.

“Ouch,” Chim said. “Now that was low.”

Buck’s phone went off. “That’s Carla. I got to go, but was nice to meet you, Nick.”

“Yeah, you too,” VanHolden said, his tone still a bit awkward.

Eddie resisted the urge to roll his eyes. “I’ll walk you out.”

“Good seeing you up and about, Buck.” Bobby said as he patted Buck’s shoulder. “Athena says you’ll have to come over for dinner soon.”

“Well then, who am I to argue with that,” Buck nodded.

“Glad to hear, I’ll talk to her and get it set up,” Bobby agreed. “Take care of yourself, I mean it.”

“I know, I know,” Buck shook his head but grinned. “I’ll do my best.”

When they were finally out in the parking lot Eddie waved at Carla. Carla waved back.

“Sorry about VanHolden,” Eddie said. “That guy is just-”

“Not me?” Buck chuckled.

“Well, yeah,” Eddie said. “Didn’t think it was possible for anyone to stick their foot in their mouth more than you or Chim, but he finds a way. I mean, you heard him. He-”

“Isn’t as bad as you made it sound,” Buck admitted. “I mean you’re acting like me when you joined. Eddie, man,” Buck stopped his chair and made Eddie look at him. “Cut the guy some slack, we got along just fine once I quit being petty.”

“This isn’t like that,” Eddie argued.

“Why? Because it’s you?”

“Because it isn’t you,” Eddie repeated. “I miss having someone I really could trust to have my back. Even when you hated me, I still felt I could trust you to keep me alive. Your annoyance at my existence was funny and a bit adorable, not going to lie. I miss having my partner. I know it’s stupid and petty. I know it isn’t fair to tell you any of this, but I’m not going to lie either, you’ll get even madder about that. I just...I know this is infinitely harder for you than me, but I just...there isn’t a way to really replace you, Buck. There isn’t.”

“Okay, first off, wow, that was...a lot,” Buck said, but when Eddie seemed to start to pull away Buck grabbed his arm. “Not bad, but a lot. Just...give me a second.” Buck was quiet for a beat but kept ahold of Eddie’s wrist so he couldn’t run. “Second, somehow you putting a guy down was probably the nicest thing anyone has said when I wasn’t actively dying.”

Eddie wasn’t sure how to respond to that. So he remained silent.

“Moving on,” Buck said. “This does suck, and it may always suck.”

“Buck,” Eddie started to try and reassure him but was stopped when Buck squeezed at his wrist.

“There is no going back to the job, I know that and you know that. That guy’s on the team now. Don’t be a dick to the guy just because you miss me. That’s supposed to be my job, he’s my replacement.”

“Buck…”

“Yeah, yeah, no replacing. I’m not saying you have to be his best friend. But you do have to be able to trust the guy, and vice versa. You got to play nice, Eddie. I’d say the same thing to Christopher.”

“You seriously going to bring my kid into this?” Eddie shook his head. “That’s low.”

“Yeah well, had to stoop to your level after what I saw in there,” Buck stated.

“Okay fine, so I’ve probably not been the most welcoming,” Eddie finally admitted. “But he thinks he can really take your place that easy. It’s…”

“It’s supposed to be that easy,” Buck said. “People transfer in and out of other houses all the time.”

“Bobby says we’re a family,” Eddie stated.

“And that hasn’t changed,” Buck said, squeezing his wrist again. “You said so yourself, over and over the other day. Nothing changes that. But families get bigger, you know that, right? Like they are meant to. Took me a while to see it, but I did. Why do you think I’m here?”

“About that,” Eddie said, attempting to ignore the way his heart was pounding and the fact Buck still had ahold of his wrist. “Why are you here? I figured you’d be at home, you don’t have PT ‘til tomorrow.”

“Sweet of you to know my schedule,” Buck smirked. “I was bored staring at the same walls and daytime tv sucks. But don’t change the subject. Just give the guy a shot, that’s all I’m saying.”

“Fine,” Eddie grumbled.

“Also, did you just call me adorable and admit to stalking my schedule?” Buck said with a shit-eating grin.

“Of course, that’s the part you zero in on,” Eddie sighed and shook his head. “And it’s not stalking when you’re using me and my son’s caretaker to get to your PT. I kind of need to know this stuff.”

“Uh-huh, sure,” Buck tried not to laugh.

“You are insufferable,” Eddie stated.

“And yet you still miss me,” Buck told him.

“Every day,” Eddie admitted.

“That makes two of us,” Buck said, his tone a bit sheepish. “I miss being your partner too, by the way.”

“Screw it,” Eddie said before shifting their grips so Buck’s hand was in his. “You’ll always be my partner, one way or another.”

“Really?” Buck stared up at him.

“Really,” Eddie chuckled and leaned down so he was on Buck’s level. He captured Buck’s lips with his. He leaned his forehead against Buck’s when they broke for air. “Now, you going to stop trying to push me and Christopher away, right?” He grinned at the way he felt Buck’s nod. “Good.”

“Just don’t go doing that with the new guy, and we’ll be good,” Buck stated, earning a laugh from Eddie.

“Well, he’s no you,” Eddie said with a grin.

“Hey lovebirds.” They both looked up as Carla neared them. “As happy as I am to see you two finally get your moment, I’m going to need to end it. Unless you want your kid waiting at school by himself,” Carla said, grinning.

“Everyone’s always bringing the kid into it.” Eddie shook his head as he stood up.

“Well someone has to,” Carla stated.

“See you later,” Buck told Eddie.

“I’ll get a pizza on the way,” Eddie nodded.

“Works for me,” Buck grinned.

“Then it’s a date,” Eddie smirked. “Bye, Carla,” he called back as he headed back into the station. Sure he was going to get an earful from an eavesdropping team. He was sure they had watched the whole thing play out from the loft window and would have a million questions.

Buck looked up at a grinning Carla. “Don’t say it,” Buck said.

“I wasn’t going to, but you know Christopher will be over the moon when he finds out,” Carla stated as they headed back to the car.

Buck agreed and was finally starting to feel like his life was back on track. It wasn’t perfect, but he had good friends that were more of a family than he ever had before. He might have lost a leg, but he got so much more in return.

[freifraufischer]

An interesting sports/politics observation:  

I’ve been following the dumpster fire at USAG for quite some time now and became deeply interested in following the sport of gymnastics in more than a 4 year fan way around the time that the Larry Nassar scandal broke.  

The post mortem on the US women’s gymnastics team results in Tokyo was honestly starting around Olympic trials in June.  The US women have never traveled much internationally for decades so they compete less than other international gymnasts.  The argument has been that the travel takes away from valuable training time.  What was little became none because of COVID and the bankruptcy filing of USAG to deal with the lawsuits arising from the abuse scandal.  

It was known that the US women were also being domestically over scored by judges at home.  Domestic overscoring is not unique to the US but most countries that have it also complete internationally so their athletes have a real sense of how international judges will evaluate their routines.  There have been alarm bells for at least three years that the US women were not going to get credit for elements and face deductions in international competition that they weren’t facing at home.  Just this year one of them was literally used in a pictorial example of a international judging document for something that should be deducted--the fact that current athletes are used this way is a whole other horrible kettle of fish.  I should add that the discovery that routines that were being scored highly in the US would fail at the olympics isn’t even new.  Famously the reigning world champion missed out on the all around final at the 2012 games because she wasn’t given credit for connections and series that were overlooked at home.

Now the job of bringing domestic meet scoring into line is on the national team staff and the job of advising and strategizing is that of the “High Performance Director” for the women’s program.  This is the job that was held (under the title National Team Coordinator) by Martha Karolyi with an iron fist before 2016.  She was replaced (after fits and starts) by a man named Tom Forrester.  Forrester’s defining qualities for the job have been that he is nice.  Literally the bar was that low.  He has demonstrated a rather alarming lack of knowledge about what international judges deduct for (after Junior World Championships he expressed surprise that they deducted for dance elements--something that happened again in Tokyo to US gymnasts), did not understand the Olympic selection criteria for individuals, and appeared to have a very very faulty understanding of the rights of athletes with an ongoing abuse complaint (more on that later).

He was relatively removed from the culture of high level elite coaching for the last few decades and the athletes considered him nice.  The last time he had been deeply involved in senior US gymnastics politics was the mid 1990s when several of his gymnasts were passed over for the 1996 Olympic Team because injured athletes were petitioned on to the team over those that competed at trials.  Mind you this was a time when the Olympic team had 7 members and the people petitioned on were the 1992 Olympic Silver Medalist Shannon Miller and 1995 National Champion Dominique Moceanu.  It would have been literally insane not to have them on the Olympic team.  But it has become apparent that Tom Forrester felt a great injustice was done to his athletes and the the worst part of US gymnastics team management was that Martha Karolyi picked favorites.  

This year he denied the petition of a former world champion to Olympic trials (she likely wouldn’t have made the team but her exclusion is... questionable) and after the fact justified it by saying she had failed to meet a criteria for the petition that he never told her existed.  At trials the team was chosen (by a committee that he had essentially full control over) took the top all around finishers in order of how they did at trials (as he would have liked them to have done in 1996).  This was in willful defiance that the format of the olympics now demands not all arounders but strategic use of team building for the best score possible.  The US did not bring the highest potential scoring team to the olympics because of one man’s wounded pride from 25 years ago.

And before you might be tempted to tell yourself he did this because he wanted to support the athletes let me tell you about the fact that he allowed a coach that was under investigation for abuse to come to a camp where one of the athletes that had filed the complaint against her was also in attendance.  His wife, who has a history of unhinged social media rants, claimed he didn’t have the authority to send home an athletes chosen coach.  In reality Louie Hernandez had the legal right not to have to be there with her.  That coach would later be banned for longer than anyone else has ever been banned in USAG history.

So in June anyone following the details of this knew that Tom’s strategy was entirely “we have Simone and so we will win.”  Because that kind of pressure and stress couldn’t possibly have any terrible consequences on an athlete.  Spoiler:  It did.  

People within the sport were warning about this before Simone Biles lost herself in the air during that vault in Tokyo.  The fact that we were all lucky not to watch one of the greatest athletes of a generation break her neck can not be overstated.  It was so scary that one of the most famously bitter angry and terrible human beings of Gymnastics that has been saying awful things about Biles for years kept telling Russian media that she made the right decision to pull out.  That was pigs flying territory.

Forrester left the athletes to face the press alone after the final.

So with that backdrop I want to give this observation:  Dominque Moceanu, an olympic gold medalist who has an abuse story so horrific with villains so cartonishly evil that if it was written as fiction the author would be told it was over the top, wrote a book about the culture of abuse in in the sport and USAG in 2008.  She was called insane, living on another planet, and apparently sent hundreds of emails by those within the sport that she was ungrateful for what her abusers had done for her (emails that she has apparently kept and I’m telling you I’d love to read more then the few I’ve seen).  Moceanu was a figure out of greek legend, Cassandra doomed to tell the truth and be called mad (and attention seeking).  In light of the fall of the Karolyis and the Nassar scandal Moceanu has become a more respected figure as someone that has been speaking out about abuse for a long time.  She has also been someone that other victims went to over the decades to talk to before they could come forward.  A weight that no one should have to bear.  

I had been joking that the only way people would start to trust USAG was honestly trying to reform was if they put someone like Moceanu in charge (Aly Raisman’s name is floated but even she points out that she’s not qualified).  Moceanu is.  But the old guard of the sport have spent two decades telling people that Moceanu is crazy.  I didn’t think she’d take the job and I didn’t think USAG would ever hire her.

But here is the interesting thing .... her social media presence radically changed character in the last three months.  Starting around the time of US Nationals and continuing though trials and the olympics between posts supporting team USA athletes and raising a voice to support Simone Biles and the need for a cultural change in the sport were digs at Tom Forrester and about the need for transparency in that job.  

And this:  “Would someone be kind enough to notify me if the U.S. women’s high performance coordinator position opens up? Asking for a friend.”  (x)  At the same time (literally the same day as one of those tweets) she launched a youtube channel that is essentially a political fluff piece about her as a change agent in gymnastics coaching.

She’s auditioning for that job.

There are a bunch of other interesting elements of her online behavior and some other telling notes about things she’s said ... but it’s interesting to notice something like that unfold.

[hopscotchandlemon]

Show Your Love

Also on Ao3

It was the hardest decision you’d ever made but as you closed the door on your motel room, you felt it had been the right one. That didn’t stop you feeling guilty. By now, Jethro would have read the ‘Dear John’ letter you’d left on his mantle piece. You wondered if he’d actually miss you, he’d barely seen you in the last month.

Dropping your case, you eased off your shoes and lay down on the starched bedding. Travelling had not been kind to your muscles and you tried to get them to relax. You’d been so wound up about how your relationship had ended, you doubted your body could remember what it was like not to be in a tense state. As various aches and pains wracked your spine, you sat up, reaching for your bag for your bottle of water and your painkillers. You took out the new phone you had purchased, your old one having been taken apart of dropped in a bin not far from Jethro’ home. You’d been careful when selecting somewhere to run to and made it as difficult as possible for the Special Agent to find you knowing he’d find you out of stubbornness rather than a desire to put right what had gone so terribly wrong. You didn’t even know where the problem lay. All you knew if that the man you’d thought you loved had become someone who at home swayed between anger and apathy. Sure, you knew he could be difficult, umcommunicative and you’d be the mistress to the much more demanding wife that was his job, but you also knew he could be considerate, warm and even gentle.

It was the fall when things had changed. You’d been living together for a year having met the previous fall when a case bought Special Agent Gibbs and Special Agent McGee to your workplace, George Washington University, where you were a professor in mechanical engineering. You’d been able to advise the agents on the type of technology that they’d recovered from the home of a known domestic terrorist. A week after they’d closed the case, Gibbs had returned to offer his thanks and to ask you out to dinner.

That last fall, you’d been finishing up after a day’s work when McGee had turned up at your office to tell you Jethro had been seriously injured in a high speed crash and to take you straight to the hospital. Indeed the doctors told you to expect the worst and you spent the next few days in limbo, surrounded by his team as you all hoped for a miracle. A week later that miracle happened, and he was taken off the ventilator. You’d joked that it was much less the sign of a miracle and more a indication of how stubborn the man was, refusing to conform to what everyone else had thought was his demise.

You got him home and while you never expected him to be a model patient, his mood swings and his detached persona made him near impossible to deal with. In time his body healed but his demeanour did not. You couldn’t quite believe it when he passed a psych evaluation to go back to work but he’d had years of practise at convincing everyone he was just fine. He deceived himself that he was fine to the point he was convincing. He seemed a different person at work while at home, the layers of untreated trauma made any kind of relationship near to impossible. Eventually he started to avoid you. At first you worried about him but then you didn’t have the anxiety of wondering what mood he was in. If he ever was in the house at the same time as you, he’d spend most of it in his basement.

That’s when you knew it was time to leave. You had to get away for a bit so you waited until spring break and booked this motel in New York state for a week. You used cash to get the train tickets and rented an apartment in DC so you had somewhere to go once your week was up.  If Gibbs wanted to find you after that you’d talk, but you needed the break and for him to have some time to reflect on what he wanted.

The week passed quietly. You’d enjoyed the space and had explored the state as much as you could. The journey back was arduous but once you were home, you were able to get yourself in to a new routine. As you finally got yourself back on the grid, you knew sooner or later Jethro would find you and that happened the Friday after you started back at work.

***********************

Everyone at NCIS was on the receiving end of Gibbs’ wrath. It was Spring Break so there was talk of holidays and plans among those lucky enough to snare the time off while those with kids discussed what the had planned. He turned up on the Monday morning and barked orders at everyone. There was no case to keep them all busy so they took it in turns to escape to Abby’s lab to discuss what had turned their team leader in to a bear with a sore head. McGee had some insight although he knew better to share it. Gibbs had asked him to ping (y/n)’s phone. Believing they had misplaced it, he told his boss that it’s last location was in fact his own house but the battery might have died as it hadn’t moved since Friday. This had not helped his mood and he’s asked McGee send him their credit card statements and if they’d booked any flights. When McGee came back with nothing of note, Gibbs mood darkened even more. The team were relieved when a case came up on Tuesday. It was bad news for the petty officer but a relief to the NCIS agents.

The following Monday, Gibbs mood was still  and no one in the bullpen dare speak. McGee did another search for (y/n) and to his relief they started to turn up in searches. A new tenancy agreement, a new phone. He wanted to tell Gibbs but he didn’t want his boss to think he was prying. So when Gibbs was called to Vance’s office just as they were about to go home, he printed of details of the tenancy agreement and left them in an envelope on Gibbs’ desk before leaving the building.

***********************************

Gibbs knew he had behaved badly but it was his way of coping with the aftermath of that car crash. He’d been so disorientated when he first came round. He saw Shannon and Kelly a great deal and that gave him some peace but when they disappeared to be replaced by tubes entering his body and machines bleeping , he felt he’d descended to hell and seeing his wife and child had been a cruel trick. The Friday he’d realised (Y/N) had gone, he’d decided to blot it all out with Bourbon. He did this all weekend putting him on a crash course with the week ahead. By Monday he wanted to find them and put things right. Obviously, they’d paid attention when he’d talked about tracking people and initial searches proved fruitless. Once a case came up, he threw himself in to solving that in a bid to think about something else. When Tim had left the copy of (y/N)’s new tenancy agreement on his desk, he saw it as a sign that maybe it was time to approach them.

**************************************

You’d got home just after 6pm and started to prepare something to eat. You always made far too much but you figured it would do you later in the week. Just as you were about to plate up your door intercom sounded. You knew it was Jethro before you even got to the speaker. You let him up and immediately started to plate him up some food too. If nothing it would break the ice on your first meeting since you ended it.

He was quiet, but then he always was a man of few words. He accepted the plate of food graciously and sat opposite you and tucked in. You even found him a beer to go with his meal. Once you were done eating you started to clear the plates away. The silence hung heavy in the air and you wondered who would be the first to break it. It wasn’t until you sat in the lounge that Gibbs broke it.

‘I know I’ve been a bastard to you these last few weeks. Will you let me make it up to you?’ he said, those steel-blue eyes pleading for the forgiveness his lips never could.

You sighed. You’d thought long and hard about this. Truth was you loved him deeply and while you felt he loved you, you knew he didn’t always show it. But there was no getting away from the last few month. It had fundamentally changed how you saw him. You knew that side of Gibbs existed, but you had hoped you wouldn’t witness it. Now you had, it was going to be hard to build up that trust again. You’d be hurt by the way he had shunned you.

‘That might be possible in the future but I think we need to take a step back for a while.’ You replied, watching him for a hint of a reaction. Even with his best poker face you could tell that wasn’t the answer he was wanting. You let the silence continue. He took a step closer to you, almost as if to rail against what you had just said.

‘I love you, (y/n). I don’t know how else to say it you,’ he pleaded.

‘Show me then,’ you challenged him.

He studied you, trying to read your mind. ‘How?’ he asked. His arms open and asking the same question.

You thought for a second. ‘I want you to go and talk to someone, someone who can help you work through all the stuff that’s happened to you. I know you don’t like shrinks Jethro but something has got to change.’ You pleaded, your eyes set on him.

You knew you’d asked him the earth. He’d rather go into a gunfight outnumbered 10 to 1 than talk to someone about what he was feeling.

‘It’s up to you. I understand either way,’ you said softly, your hand gently rubbing his arm

He nodded, stepped forward, kissed you gently on the cheek, and made his exit.

******************************

You sat patiently in the waiting room, pretending to read your magazine. You had checked your watch constantly over the last hour. Just when you were about to end out a search party, you spotted him walking towards you. He gave you half a smile. This was a milestone; he’d just completed his first therapy session and you were so unbelievably proud of him. You’d offered to be with him every step along the way. As he stood in front of you, there was clearly a lot going on in that stubborn head. Without saying a word, you took his hand and you walked out of the clinic together.

[whileyoursleeping]

a buddie fic, as requested last week! (im sorry this took so long omg work has been absolutely insane)

also yes i’ll take buddie prompts but i’m really terrible at getting around to writing them so if you do request something i’m super sorry if it takes me forever

prompt: Bucks off his blood thinners so they throw a little party since he never got one when he came back something happens like he gets cut by a gift and has to remind everyone except Maddie that he's off his meds finally

-------------------------------

He really should've known a welcome back party was not a good idea.

Not like it was his choice - now that the lawsuit is over and the chill has passed, the family at 118 have welcomed him back with open arms and it's of course Hen's idea to throw him a welcome back party.

If Buck thinks about it the string of unfortunate events otherwise known as his life should've predicted some bad shit happening - first his leg is crushed, then the embolism, then he gets hit by a tsunami... the list is endless. But he's off the blood thinners, which is great, and now he can do everything he used to normally.

He can't help it. He loves his fire family and he loves being included again so when Hen announces it, he's all for it. He's back in the thick of it, with his family, being teased and shoved around playfully - he lives for it, he really does. He loves them. So fucking much.

The only downside is Eddie - things are better, but he's still a little reserved. Buck worries he's done real, lasting damage, and so he refuses to feel needy when he says, "Hey, man. Are you swinging by mine for the party tonight?"

Eddie smiles at him. "Wouldn't miss it."

There's beer and presents and someone has the idea to wrap one of them in a bunch of zip ties, and Buck - who can't find scissors - decides to use a knife to get into it.

A knife that promptly slips and cuts his palm open.

"Buck," Maddie sighs as the whole room goes quiet, in that patented my-little-brother-is-an-idiot voice. "You-"

"Let me see, Buck," Hen says gently, and Buck blinks at the sudden amount of fussing going on. Chimney's running for ice and a towel and Bobby is looking like he's one number away from dialling 911, and Eddie - Eddie's gone bone white which is weird.

"Guys," Buck says, over the sudden shuffle of trained medical professionals launching into action. "Guys, I'm not-"

"Elevate his hand," Hen orders. "Once we've got it wrapped we'll get him to the emergency room."

"But I'm not-" Buck protests.

"Is there a first aid kit around here?" Chimney's asking, and Eddie is taking Buck's hand and raising it above his head.

"Eddie," Buck says. "Eddie, I'm not-"

"Why does anyone let you near knives, Buckaroo?" Hen says, grabbing for a tea towel to press into the wound on his palm.

Buck wants to bask in being called Buckaroo again, but Eddie looks scarily blank, save for the little tic in his jaw that tells Buck he's concentrating. Nobody's listening to him for totally different reasons than they were a while ago, but still, Buck's frustrated that he can't even get a word in edgewise.

"Guys-" he tries again. He attempts pulling his hand away and wow Eddie has a great grip.

"Guys!" Maddie says, loudly, and everyone looks up at her. She nods at Buck.

"I'm not on blood thinners anymore," he explains, a little uncomfortable with the five sets of eyes on him. Normally he'd like it, the attention of the team - of Eddie - but it reminds him a little too much of why they were all cold shouldering him in the first place. "So... you know. It's fine."

He tries for a winning smile. Hen sits back, at least, but Eddie hangs his head and doesn't say anything.

"So we don't have to take you to the emergency room," Chim jokes.

"I think if you do they'll start charging me rent there," he jokes. He's trying to work out why Eddie still has his head down, looks ashamed.

Hen seems to realise what's going on, because she says something about the others helping her with things in the kitchen, and there's a round of agreement. Everyone disappears except Eddie, who at least moves to sit on the coffee table instead of the ground in front of Buck.

"Sorry I didn't tell you," Buck says - he's not sure if this is one of those things that's a big deal and Eddie will be upset over or not. He doesn't want Eddie to be upset, not right after they finally became friends again. "I would've told you, it just didn't seem that important."

"Can I see?" Eddie asks, totally ignoring everything else Buck just said.

Buck blinks, but he holds his hand out. Eddie's gentle as he flips Buck's hand over, palm up, and inspects the cut. It's already mostly stopped bleeding, which is so novel for Buck that even he finds himself staring at it. Or maybe he's staring at it as an excuse to watch Eddie touch him. No one needs to know the reason.

"It reminded me of the tsunami," Eddie says abruptly, finally making eye contact with him. He doesn't let Buck's hand go. "When I found you and Christopher. You had that cut on your arm, it was bleeding everywhere."

Buck has really vague memories of the aftermath of the tsunami. It all goes a little blurry once the team showed up and he collapsed, but he does remember a cut on his arm, how lightheaded he felt. He's not totally sure on how he got to a hospital afterwards either.

"Yeah," Buck says, slowly, trying to figure out the relevance of this to that. "That was uh - I was bleeding pretty bad. But this isn't like that, Eddie. I'm okay."

If he thinks about it, he can remember the throbbing pain in his head, over his eye. How his leg hurt. But mostly he just remembers the water and Chris screaming for him.

"I was more worried about Chris," he admits.

"I know you were." Eddie's still got his hand, but hasn't made a move to clean it or patch it up. "That's why you need someone to worry about you."

"You did though," Buck insists. He won't let Eddie feel bad about this, especially when it was Buck who lost Christopher. "I remember you came and got me at the hospital."

Eddie looks away from him. "Yeah," he says uncomfortably.

They're quiet for a moment. Eddie finally starts cleaning out the wound and Buck thinks back to that night - stumbling out of the emergency room, a fair bit of blood lighter and with rudimentary first-aid having been done, given that there were people hurt a lot worse, wondering how he was going to get home with his car six feet underwater.

And Eddie, in the waiting room, looking exhausted and strung out and who had hugged Buck the moment he saw him. Loaded him into the car, helped him into the house and found him clean clothes so he could shower and sleep.

There were no nightmares that night, because he was too tired and felt safe with both his Diaz boys in the same house.

He'd woken the next morning with Chris piled onto the couch next to him, and Eddie watching them over a mug of coffee in the kitchen. They'd staggered through the day, bone-tired and hardly speaking, and Buck had gone home distinctly feeling like he'd failed both of them.

"I mean," he says, out loud, because Eddie's got that little worry line in his forehead and his mouth is downturned and unhappy, "I lost Chris and you still came and got me-"

"You didn't," Eddie says, almost angry. "God, Buck, I didn't even know anything had happened until I saw you there. It didn't even cross my mind that something had happened because he was with you."

"I know," Buck says guiltily. "I - Eddie, man, I'm... I'm so sorry, if I could take it back-"

Eddie lets go of his hand abruptly, and Buck has a split second to wonder how he keeps making this worse for himself before Eddie's hand wraps around the back of his neck and he's dragged down into a kiss.

He's shocked, for a moment, and then he remembers this is Eddie who's always been there, Eddie who trusts him with Chris, Eddie who doesn't think he's a fuck-up or still Buck 1.0 or anything other than his best friend, and he kisses back, desperately, lunging into Eddie's warmth.

They separate after a moment, and Eddie leans his forehead on Buck's, his eyes closed.

"Buck," he says, softly, "I'm trying to say that I didn't think to worry about Christopher, for once in my life, because he was with you. Because he's safe with you. You're the only place I'm ever sure he's safe, other than me. That hasn't changed, okay? You were there for us when we needed you, and when you needed me I-"

His voice breaks. It's painful to listen to, and Buck shuffles closer, until their noses touch too, and puts his hands on Eddie's shoulders, presses his thumbs into the spaces between Eddie's neck and ears.

"When you needed me I failed you," Eddie croaks. "You were scared about your job and on blood thinners and you needed me and I just - I got angry, because I missed you, and I felt like you'd left like Shannon did, and I didn't even think that it was because you were trying to get back to us. And you still blame yourself. You pulled Chris out of the water, Buck. You. Not me, not abuela, not Pepa, not anyone else from the 118. You."

His eyes are stinging. He feels Eddie's hands on him, stroking him gently, soothing. "Stop," he whispers, and his voice breaks. "You're gonna make me cry, man. It's my welcome back party. I'm not supposed to cry."

Eddie laughs a little, then says, "I'm trying to tell you something, Buck."

"Yeah, I got it, what with the kiss and everything," Buck jokes weakly. "I - Eddie, I'm pretty messed up."

"My wife disappeared, came back, said she was divorcing me, then died," Eddie says. "We're even. I don't mind if you don't."

How could he ever? "So... what now?"

Eddie leans back. Buck feels a little less embarrassed when he sees that Eddie's eyes look a little wet too. "I'm gonna fix your hand," Eddie says. "And then we can tell everyone to stop eavesdropping from the kitchen."

There's a pause, and then Chimney's head peeks around the corner.

"We found scissors," he says sheepishly, and Buck laughs. He doesn't really care if they overhead. In fact, Maddie has that I-knew-it look on her face.

"I told you he didn't hate you," she says, patting him on the head.

He shakes her off playfully. "Not like you've been right before, so-"

"Do you want this present or not?"

"Sorry, Ma'am."

[letsjustkeepitbetweenyouandi]

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Buddie Recs For You

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Don't Take My Sunshine Away

Eddie is in a coma, and Buck blames himself. He should've been there to protect Eddie. The least he can do now is to be there for Christopher, even if Buck doesn't know if he has it in him to be a parent without Eddie. Buck makes Eddie a deal: he'll fight for Christopher in the real world, while Eddie fights to wake up.

Eddie's come a long way since those bleak days in El Paso, listening to his parents comments about how he's not fit to be a father. How Christopher doesn't deserve to be dragged down by the likes of Eddie and Shannon. Eddie thought after moving to LA, he and Chris had escaped that. When he wakes up and finds Buck neck-deep in a legal battle with his parents for custody of Christopher, Eddie must face his own mistakes, and find the confidence to stand up for himself against his absolute worst nightmare.

113k  -  21/21 Chapters

-

Leading with the Left

When Buck said he was a "bartender" in "South America" what he actually meant was "stripper" in "Mexico."

And when Eddie said, "What's your problem?" what he actually meant was, "Is this about the time you gave me a lap dance?"

In other words, there's a few things the 118 doesn't know about Buck. Or Eddie. Or Buck and Eddie's relationship.

84k - 18/18 Chapters

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Six Different Ways To Mark Your Territory

Or "5 times Eddie was a possessive bastard, and Buck (being the oblivious puppy he is) didn't notice. And the one time he couldn’t help but notice."

5k - 6/6 Chapters

-

Tread Lightly

Healing after a truck bombing, breakup, pulmonary embolism, tsunami and lawsuit is a slow process when you're afraid to talk to your team when it feels like the world is crumbling in on you. Finding your way out of the crippling darkness is a lonely process when you're afraid you'll get benched again for something beyond your control. Learning to love again is a terrifying process when you're not sure your best friend will ever truly forgive you.

151k - 36/36 Chapters

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Accidental

It was an accident. He slipped. That doesn't mean he isn't going to take advantage of the opportunity that presents itself.

---- Post Lawsuit, Buck accidentally cuts his arm. He decides that maybe not getting help is best for everyone.

--- TW for suicidal idealization and injury that turns into a suicide attempt.

36k - 14/14 Chapters

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Left Unsaid

A woman shows up at the station with a picture of Buck on her phone.

It goes better than last time.

OR

The discovery of a small facebook group full of tsunami survivors rocks station 118.

33k - 7/7 Chapters

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If The World Was Ending

Eddie doesn't realise how badly he's destroyed his friendship with Buck until his former partner has swapped stations, changed phone numbers, and moved homes without warning. It's nearly impossible to track Buck down and it's clear that Chris is suffering too. After Eddie is injured on the job, he has to start piecing together the broken pieces of who he is with the help of family and friends. Under those sorts of circumstances, a chance to repair his fragile friendship with Buck might be possible - but it won't be easy when Buck has a new boyfriend.

121k - 25/25 Chapters

Commentary: Right, I've read this one before, and I have conflicted feelings about it... the writing is really good, but well, they deal with Eddie getting amnesia, and there's not a real resolution of him getting al of his memories back, only some of them. Now, for me, that didn't really work out just as I wanted it, but I still liked the story, and like it's written really well with good character driven story and whatnot... So yeah, read at own risk

-

a leaf falls on loneliness

Buck doesn’t think that if he were to say, “I’m in a bad place”, that anyone would turn him away. Really, he doesn’t. The 118 has too many good, kind people for that.

But every time he wants to open his mouth, to say something, to reach out to Eddie or Bobby or Hen or Chim, he hears Eddie yelling, “you’re exhausting.”

—you’re exhausting, you’re exhausting, you’re exhausting—

So each day he does his job and he laughs and he jokes and he pretends he’s the care-free goofball he’s always been. And each day he packs away his bruises and his worries, takes them home to his empty loft with its quiet rooms, and licks his wounds in silence.

11k - 1/1 Chapters

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The Space Between Sleep

It all started innocent enough but Buck can no longer deny it.

He has a stalker.

Someone so obsessed with him that they would spend hours and hours following him, unnoticed, taking pictures of him, taking notes of his habits.

But life has been so good lately, and Buck doesn’t want to worry anyone. So he tells no one about it, he can deal with it on his own.

38k - 11/11 Chapters

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Reaching In The Dark

It all started innocent enough but Buck can no longer deny it.

He has a stalker.

Someone so obsessed with him that they would spend hours and hours following him, unnoticed, taking pictures of him, taking notes of his habits.

But life has been so good lately, and Buck doesn’t want to worry anyone. So he tells no one about it, he can deal with it on his own.

38k - 11/11 Chapters

Commentary: Okay, so, I think I've read this one before... and I can't remember if it's like quality or what it is... but imma leave it for you to figure out, cause there's a lot of other ones that I wanna read for you to make sure they're good, so... read at own risk!

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I'll Be Your Arms, I'll Be Your Steady Satellite

Buck couldn’t believe how quickly the day had turned. When he had been thinking about what came next, this hadn’t been what he expected.

--- The 118 takes a call that changes everything, turning Buck's world upside down and pushing his life in a new direction.

54k - 25/25 Chapters

Commentary: So, this was the one where he had a kid, and like, man, dad!buck was a thing I didn’t know I needed that much, but apparently I did, cause man I love it so much! Also, now I really wanna read more dad!buck kid!fic’s, preferably where like Buddie is together, and they want another kid, and so they decide to do surrogacy with Buck this time, and like, have most of what happens in this fic happen, but with some additions to it that I wished they added, with there being more Christopher being a big brother... anyhow, read it! It’s very good and adorable!!!

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Like We Never Loved At All

Prompt: The lawsuit is all a front to protect the team but they don’t know so they treat Buck harshly. Buck bares all of it until Eddie or Bobby just breaks whatever hope he has left. By the time the truth comes out Buck is gone. Fast forward to a year or more later Eddie and Christopher are out with the team when Chris sees Buck. He’s got longer hair and cold eyes but most importantly he’s pushing a baby carriage with twin babies. He’s loving to Chris but frosty towards the team. What happened

22k - 6/6 Chapters

Commentary: Right, read it, and like it’s good, but the writer said herself that she was thinking of continuing it (But she has yet to do so) so though it has an ending to it, it’s not really a resolved one... more like a very very open-ended one... So again, read at your own risk.

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Of Bikes and Concussions

Buck gets into an accident on his way to work in the morning, and before he can explain why he's late, he gets thoroughly chewed out and the rest of his day goes way downhill from there.

7k - 1/1 Chapters

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Mistletoe

After Buck grabbed the mistletoe and kissed Hen, he decided he wouldn't stop there. After making the rounds, he reaches Eddie, and nothing is ever so easy with that man.

9k  -  5/5 Chapters

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Rewrite the Stars

Buck is struggling with nightmares weeks after he has returned to work after the tsunami. He is struggling to sleep, and distancing himself from everyone-- most of all, Eddie.

39k  -  19/19 Chapters

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Bury Your Dead

If you had asked Edward Buckley to describe his parenting style, he would’ve told you that he was a “disciplinarian.”

28k  -  13/13

Commentary: Stumbled upon this one, and I’m pretty sure I’ve read it before, it sounds familiar, and as far as I can remember it was rather good!

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it’s okay

Finally back with the team, Buck isn’t going to let anything tear him away again. He has to prove his place, his part in the family, even if that means smiling through the pain.

Or, Buck gets hurt on a call and doesn’t tell anyone.

11k  -  1/1 Chapters

Commentary: Oh, it has a lot of angst and it will warm your heart!

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Broken Silence

combined prompts asking for quiet Buck trying to stay out of everyone's way after the lawsuit--he and Maddie get hurt but he thinks they won't care, because of how they've been treating him lately, so he doesn't say anything, but does request time off, and then comfort ensues!

2k  -  1/1 Chapters

Commentary: Listen, I know that it’s shorter than what you usually read, but man, it’s so heartbreaking and gooooooood

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Comfort of Strangers

"I don't want anyone else to have your heart, kiss your lips or be in your arms. Because that's my place."

Buck and Eddie grow closer, one kiss at a time.

15k  -  15/15 Chapters

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5+1 Times People Call Them a Family

5 times someone points out that Eddie, Buck, and Christopher make an adorable family and 1 time where they say they are family.

4k  -  6/6 Chapters

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Stay

Buck’s voice was soft and hesitant, but full of patience when he finally spoke again. “Did I do something to upset you, Chris? I can leave—”

“No!” Chris whirled on him, a complete shift from the standoffish vibe he had been giving a second ago. The tears he bravely held back finally broke free from his eyes, sliding down his rosy cheeks from behind his glasses. He shook his head vehemently, the yellow crayon falling to the table. “No, I’m not mad. Please…” His words turned to whimpers, his lip trembling. “Please don’t leave me too.”

31k  -  10/10 Chapters

Commentary: This was the one I linked you too on messenger. It has like a minor supernatural element to it, that they don’t warn you about, cause it’ll like spoil it, but it should not make you shy away from it, because it’s a thing that makes the story fits so well together and makes it so heartbreaking and good! So yeah, check it out, and be prepared for the angst!

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All Bets are Off

"Enough!" Bobby sighed, he pinched the bridge of his nose, obviously exhausted. "Alright, I'm gonna need everyone to be completely straight with each other from here on out. No more fighting. Okay?"

Hen rolled her eyes but nodded. "Okay Cap."

"I'm always straight." Eddie called defensively.

Bobby's mouth opened to respond when they heard a strangled chain of coughing behind them. When they turned, they saw Chimney, choking on a bagel.

"Oh man…" Chimney coaxed through his wheezing. "That's the biggest lie you ever told."

Or, the five times the firefam realized Buck and Eddie were in love, and the one-time Eddie finally did something about it.

35k  -  6/6 Chapters

Commentary: So it’s a 5+1, but it’s a lengthier one than the other one, and it’s so good! It’ll both satisfy your buddie need, but also your Bobby being a father to Buck need!! And like a lot of other good stuff, so yeah, should definitely give this a go

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you working?

a request for some jealous!Eddie

Summer is winding down and the 118 is out for one last event at the local park before kids are back at school. Buck attracts attention, Eddie glares at the world, and Hen is honestly having a blast.

4k  -  1/1 Chapters

Commentary: In reality, it’s a part of a series that’s 18k words long, but like 10k of it is a lot of smut, and like some of it’s plot driven, other very much isn’t, and then like the last part is an engagement one, so like, if you’re prepared for the smut, then sure, otherwise, you could just enjoy the first part of it, with a very adorable jealous Eddie Diaz

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am I coming out of left field?

5 times it was obvious to literally everyone that Buck and Eddie are in love, and the one (first) time Eddie actually admits it.

3k  -  1/1 Chapters

Commentary: Short, but cute, though the last part could be better

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Can't Stay Away

“Long story short, your kid is too damn smart," Buck began. "Seriously, Eddie, maybe you need to pull him out of that fancy school and send him back to public school. Dumb him down a bit so he’s easier to handle.”

Buck’s words became so tangled in his anxiety that he couldn’t really process what he was saying. “What the hell are you talking about? Is Chris okay? Is he in trouble?”

“He’s fine. Safe and sound, happy as a clam, but I’d say he is definitely in trouble.”

...

In which Eddie's parents hate Buck, and Christopher is too damn clever.

6k  -  1/1 Chapters

Commentary: Oh this is a good one... Like, proper whump and Christopher being the captain of our ship!

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There It All Is (What's Always Been Mine)

“You alright Buckaroo?” Hen asked and Buck shrugged. “You’re not worried about hosting this sleepover, are you?”

“I just don’t want to screw this up,” Buck said. “Like, I’m the one who’s not a parent here. Am I really qualified to be in charge of three kids?”

---

Or, when a sleepover becomes the sight of a dangerous emergency, Buck learns what his friends and family knew all along; he’ll do anything for the people he cares about.

8k  -  1/1 Chapters

Commentary: I said I wanted Buck with kids, and I got it. Basically, it’s cute, and I luv buck with kids, and this is a good one. 

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TO ADD MORE

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,

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A Dive Into My Bookmarks

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light me and i'll burn for you

In which an old friend of Buck's joins the 118, and Eddie does not like him. At all.

31k - 3/3 Chapters

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all the stones and kings of old

Edmundo Diaz, King of Calder, does not want a husband.

He had a wife, he has a son. He doesn’t need anyone to try and fill the void in his life Shannon left when she died—he is perfectly content with an empty bed, with Bobby and Athena advising him, with household staff taking care of Christopher when he can’t.

But. Apparently he doesn’t have a choice in the matter.

(Theirs is not an auspicious start.)

36k - 14/14 Chapters

Commentary: So this is the AU that I talked about, with it being medieval, and like, something out of Merlin, only I don't really think there's magic in it... i can't remember if there is... So I don't think there is. Anyhow, it's pretty good!

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Everybody Knows

The five times someone assumed they're together, and Eddie had to correct them, and the one time it happened and he didn't have to.

14k - 1/1 Chapters

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You square all the corners, I straighten the curves

Five times Buck and Eddie pretend they're dating (and one time they don't)

11k - 1/1 Chapters

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The things we lost in the fire

Commentary: Now, this is a two part story, I'll add the summary for both parts.

Part 1:

Evan Buckley left his past behind when he left home for good at age 19. But an unexpected phone call on a quiet shift disrupts the life he's built for himself: forcing him to confront his past in order to build a new future.

Part 2:

It was fall at the 118. That was supposed to mean pumpkin spice lattes, Athena’s world-famous pumpkin pie, and the yearly tradition of getting bullied by children at the annual firehouse trick-or-treating.

Instead, it was a disastrous cornucopia of Maddie’s pregnancy, the Buckley parents visiting, and a sexuality crisis for good measure.

Oh, and?

It was wildfire season.

204k - Part1: 10/10 - Part 2: 22/22

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The Ones I Need To Read First

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waiting on the sunrise

When Buck left home, it was a rushed decision. He didn’t know where he was going or what he was going to do, but he had a high school diploma and enough street smarts to make it as far from his father as possible.

It's been nearly ten years since then, and now his father is in town. Buck quickly learns that some things haven't changed. But other things have, and his family will help him realize that.

28k - 10/10 Chapters

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Two Weeks Noticed

With Christopher away at camp, Eddie finally has a chance to catch his breath after the hellish year he's had. Meanwhile Buck is still reeling from the sudden reappearance of Abby. On a routine night of movies and pizza, Eddie and Buck discuss some feelings and stumble into something that may just take some time to figure out. Good thing they have two weeks to get a handle on it.

148k - 15/15 Chapters

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I Hit the Accelerator (But the Car was in Reverse)

When Buck is forced to confront the truth about his breakup with Abby, having casual sex with his hot new coworker seems like the best rebound idea.

Unfortunately, that hot new coworker turns into his best friend. But best friends can keep having sex with each other, right?

There's no way this could possibly go wrong.

68k - 15/15 Chapters

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the weekly bet (but the forever kind)

When the squad bets on how long it will take for Buck and Abby to get back together when she comes back to LA, Eddie is forced to reconsider keeping his feelings for Buck a secret. “Thanks,” Eddie mumbles, hiding his face deep in his pillow, even if Buck can’t see him in the dark. “What for?” Leave it to Buck to be confused about something so obvious. “Being you, idiot.” “And again with the name calling,” he answers, content and sleepy. Nights like this, Eddie feels like asking for a miracle. But to the team, it wasn’t a matter of if Abby would take him back, but when. A matter of days.

49k - 9/9 Chapters

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Guess We'll Just Have to Adjust

No, Buck does not have a damn crush on Eddie fucking Diaz. No, Buck is not thinking about Eddie's stupid smile or his stupid hair or that obscene sound he made when he pushed the couch the way he did.

Having a crush would be weird. And dumb. And the last thing Buck needs in his already fucked up life.

36k - 12/12 Chapters

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Speak Now

Fake Dating AU idea from a tumblr post that got out of hand the minute I started writing.

Eddie lies to Shannon about being in a serious relationship when she wants to re-enter his and Christopher's lives, and of course the person he asks to be his pretend significant other is none other than Evan Buckley, because what are bros for?

25k - 3/3 Chapters

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Pack a Bag, Say Goodbye

It wasn’t the first time he felt unwanted. In fact, it was an all too familiar feeling. But the last time he felt this way, he had left. Run off to South America and wherever else he could find himself. But the one thing that had helped him stop feeling lost, the place where he had found himself, had been ripped away from him.

So, why was he still there? What was the point in sticking around? ---

After the lawsuit, Buck is struggling when he realizes how unwanted he is at work. When he makes the decision to leave, how will everyone react? And to what lengths will they go to get Buck back?

61k - 30/30 Chapters

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According To You

“He’s gonna’ be fine, they did scans, they said it’s just a scratch--”

“Just a scratch?” Eddie blinks incredulously. “‘Just a scratch’ doesn’t require stitches Evan! God, how could you be so irresponsible?! How the hell were you not watching him at the park?! How could you let him get all the way across the street without you?!”

5k  -  2/2 Chapters

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When it comes to an end (I will want you to plea)

After the lawsuit, Buck and Eddie are casually sleeping together. Eddie tells himself it doesn't mean anything more than that. An unexpected incident at work brings up something Buck thought he'd long buried behind him and makes Eddie re-evaluate his feelings for his best friend.

26k  -  8/8  Chapters

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Protector

He didn’t know who he could contact.

Even though it had been months since he had returned to work, there was still an awkwardness that could not be cleansed. There had been a chill at the start, he had been confined to the station, knowing that his decision to reveal personal information to his lawyer had truly been a mistake. Eventually, the team went back to how they once were in the field, working together to save lives without hesitation. They would share meals, the comradery slowly showing once more.

Outside of work, Buck felt alone.

21k  -  10/10 Chapters

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Helping Hands

Everyone wants Buck to heal from the past year, and they think getting laid will help him. Buck doesn't want to revert back to Buck 1.0, but he also doesn't want his friends to worry about him. So Buck enlists the help of his best friend Eddie in fooling his friends.

55k  -  9/9 Chapters

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Next To Me

Buck and Eddie started off in different places but eventually they ended up in the same. Eventually, they ended up in love.

Told from Buck and Eddie’s perspectives, a canon-compliant take on Buddie and how they could realistically get together.

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Buck had never had a friend like Eddie before. Someone that burrowed under his skin and wrapped around him and became a part of him — like an extra limb, someone he couldn’t do without.

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He loved him. Eddie loved him. Eddie was in love with him. With Buck. With his best friend. But it didn’t matter…loving him meant that the only thing that mattered was being able to keep him in any possible way even if that meant that Eddie could never tell him.

93k  -  17/17 Chapters

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burn 'em up and scatter their remains

A serial killer taunts L.A., targeting first responders. Fear creates tension among the 118, at the station and outside of it, but they’re going to need to come together stronger than ever to survive this.

50k  -  25/25 Chapters

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Eddie's Not-So-Secret Feelings

5 times Eddie says sweet things about Buck in Spanish so Buck doesn't find out he's in love with him +1 time Eddie realises Buck speaks Spanish and knew all along With special guest stars: Eddie's entire family

17k  -  6/6 Chapters

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More Than You Know

Eddie's forgiven Buck, and things are back to normal between them. By normal, we of course mean they are in love with each other but haven't confessed to anyone yet. After a bad call, Buck goes over to Eddie's to keep him some company. Except Eddie isn't home. And when Eddie does arrive, he bruised and bloody.

44k  -  17/17 Chapters

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a christmas miracle

The 118 are discussing their plans for the holidays, but Eddie's plan has Buck reeling with hurt.

38k  -  4/4 Chapters

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i think i might've inhaled you

How do you tell your best friend that you're actually in love with them? If you're Evan Buckley, you don't.

25k  -  2/2 Chapters

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You're Standing Here Beside Me

In the beginning, May doesn’t know much about Evan “Buck” Buckley.

Also known as my 1 + 5 + 1 Buck & May sibling fic or "1 time May finds out she has a big brother, 5 times Buck and May are totally siblings and 1 time May and Buck spend time with the rest of their family.

14k  -  1/1 Chapters

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The 118 Quarantine Chronicles

A look at the 118 during Quarantine. Featuring cooking competitions, tirades against math, parades, idiot boys in love, prank wars, and happiness.

16k  -  11/11 Chapters

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What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger...Right?

Behind the Scenes: What we didn't and should've seen when the screen went black.

or

Four Times we could've seen so much more Buck Whump, Eddie caring and 118 protectiveness and one time it could've been a lot worse.

11k  -  1/1 Chapters

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Now when do I start to feel again?

Buck's first call back with the team doesn't go as well as Bobby and Eddie hoped. It leads to Eddie having to make a tough decision. A decision that only gets made after a very emotional day.

Buddie fic, pre-slash, 3x06 Coda, Bobby is clearly not only Buck's emergency contact but also his dad. Re-edited for typos 11/11/19

11k  -  2/2 Chapters

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Nothing to Lose

A simple trip trip to the bank ends badly when the robbery crew takes a firefighter with them.

Will his family and friends be able to find him before it's late. Will he realise everything he has and fight to get back to them.

Buck always needs to be the hero, even if he doesn't think he is.

Pre-Buddie because I am absolutely not confident writing how that would even unfold. There are hints of it of course because that's basically canon.

15k  -  10/10

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now that it's over (and i'm sober)

Eddie felt like he was going to choke on his own tongue.

It was a wildly inappropriate thought, given that they really were trying to rescue this girl from a fly-away hot air balloon, running at it with all the speed their legs could muster.

Even digging his heels into the ground and wrapping his hands tightly around one of the drop lines couldn’t stop him from staring slack-jawed at his best friend.

13k  -  1/1 Chapters

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and the winner is......

When Maddie convinces Buck to join her and the rest of the couples of the 118 on a couples game-show with Eddie as his partner, he does so hesitantly, if only because he knows that by the end of it -- the rest of the team will realize he and Eddie are way more than best friends.

18k  -  1/1 Chapters

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Drift Away

“You’re getting a call tomorrow from the Chief. You’re being reinstated to active duty. The city gave me the option of transferring you to a different station...I declined.”

“You won’t regret it”

“You might”

He did

18k  -  3/3 Chapters

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[heytheredeann]

Stretch

Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Episode: s03e02 Sink or Swim, Hurt/Comfort, Reunions, Natural Disasters, Pre-Slash

Summary: Buck and Christopher don’t get separated during the tsunami. Eddie loses about ten years of his life in one day.

Notes:  I have been wanting to write something about them for a while, it figures that I'd start with a tsunami-related fic, since those episodes are what made me go: "Oh, shit. I am Very Very Invested in these three." I hope you will enjoy it <3

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When Bobby walks up to him, face grim and shoulders tense, Eddie doesn’t think much of it: they are in the midst of a natural disaster, dealing with a quickly assorted camp to tend to the wounded and to the bodies, there is very little to smile about.

Bobby gestures to him to step aside, away from the young girl that he just finished tending to, and he places one hand on his arm, squeezing for a moment. Again, Eddie doesn’t think much of it, straightening his back in anticipation for orders.

“Yes, Cap?” he prompts, when Bobby hesitates, tightening his jaw and finally dropping his hand.

“I have bad news,” he eventually says.

Eddie snorts. “Is there anything that can make this disaster of a day any worse?” There is not a single trace of humour on Bobby’s face, and Eddie sobers up fast, flailing a little. “Cap?”

“There’s a survivor from the tsunami,” he begins, careful like he’s just waiting for a storm to come. “She was asking us about—she said that a man helped her, after the first wave, and that he had a birthmark, on his left eye.”

Eddie blinks at him, struggling to realize what he is implying for a moment.

“She said he had a kid with him,” Bobby adds. “And that she’s positive that he was calling him Christopher.”

“I—what?” he stammers. His brain almost hurts with the speed at which it’s trying to piece it together, make it gain some sense—because it’s wrong, they— “No no no,” he quickly says. “No, they were at the movies, Buck said—” He specifically said—

“There must have been a change of plans,” Bobby says, gently. His hand on Eddie’s arm suddenly feels all too tight, his muscles tensing under the touch, his skin itching to slip away.

There can’t have been a change of plans, because how absurd would it be? They decide not to go to the movies, and of all the places that they could choose—and on the day a tsunami hits too—what are the fucking odds?

(Probably just about the same as the odds of Shannon showing up in their lives again and then dying in a car accident.)

[More on Ao3]

[echelonlab-blog]

Bound By Ink -- Chapter 34

Disclaimer: Fiction.

Warnings: Smut

Tagging: @hazeleyedleto @msroxyblog @letojokerownsme @miss-shannanigans @snewsome756   @maliciousalishious   @nikkitasevoli@meghan12151977@sanellv@ambolton@bradlea23@spillinginkwithlove@alexis7215@dezmarz@pezziecoyote@whoistheprettiest@avaj99@iridescxntsolitude@pheenixpeterson@guccilowell@blondiefrommars@rowen1976@phoebehalliwell1984@thathipstaninja@darthjokerisyourfather@letsbemybatman @prettymisc@lylabell2013@mandyglam@pandaliciouz@just-me-obsessing@echelon-1969@carolinapb-me@marilyndioncre

             Shannon’s POV

I was spending more and more time at Scarlett’s apartment as our connection continued to grow. I made dinner and after eating, Jayce plopped onto the bean bag on the floor while Scarlett and I cuddled on the couch. We let Jayce pick the movie and the only sounds in the apartment were coming from the TV for the next two hours.

Once it was over, he disappeared into his room to finish homework and I washed the dishes while she hopped up on the countertop to dry them. “You seem like you’re really enjoying this.” She stacked the plates and glasses next to her.

 “What? Washing dishes?” I joked, crinkling my nose. I knew what she meant, but loved to pick with her.

  “Shut up! You know what I’m talking about. You know, you will make a great father one day. You’re so patient and fair with Jayce and God Shannon, do you even know how rare that is? To find a guy who respects you and treats you like a princess, but is also good to another man’s child?” Her eyes met mine and I smiled.

  And I did love Jayce. He was part of her, and who wouldn’t love him? He was so smart and talented and I loved how protective he was of his mom. It reminded me of how I felt about my mother. “Yeah, well, I can’t take all the credit, he’s polite and well mannered and if he hated me, he didn’t show it. I saw how protective he was of you at first, but he was still respectful, and not all kids in his situation would be.” I grinned, staring down at the glass in my hand. “I never really gave much thought to having children. All of my past relationships have been a disaster and that’s why I’m determined not to make the same mistakes with you.”

“Well, you’re doing a great job and you should have at least one child. The world needs more men like you. I mean, Mark is a good father and a good person, we just weren’t meant to be, but he’s good to Jayce.”

  I turned the water off and pulled the towel from her hands, drying mine and nudging her to move so I could put the dishes into the cabinet myself. “What about you? Do you want more children?”

 She blinked rapidly and began twisting her fingers in the neckline of her white RI T-shirt, like she was deep in thought. Chuckling, she furrowed her brow. “Wow, um, Jayce is fifteen and that’s kind of a big gap there, but.... I’d definitely be open to it if the opportunity presented itself.”

  Tossing the towel on the countertop, I pulled her against my chest. “You never know what can happen. One day, not so long ago, I was single, and then I literally ran smack into the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen. She’s had me wrapped around her little finger ever since.” I gave her a wink.

 “Okay, that was so sweet, but you suck at that. Just saying. No more winking, winkie.”

 “I suck?” I asked, raising her T-shirt slightly and started to mercilessly tickle her sides. She tried to block me, but there’s no way, since I could hold both of her wrists in one hand. I leaned in laughing at her giggling wildly and twisting as she slid all the way to the floor. She managed to pull my cap off, but I still brushed my fingers along her soft skin.

  Jayce drummed his fingers on the wall as he shifted his weight from one foot to the other. We both froze and she glanced up, a few strands of blue hair falling into her face as her mouth dropped open. Jayce spoke in an authoritative voice. “I would appreciate it if you two could keep it down! I’m trying to do homework in there. Don’t make me come out here again!”

  I pulled Scarlett’s hands, helping her up. “Alright dude, we will be quiet, I promise.”

 “You better!” He narrowed his eyes and nodded with a huge grin. “Hey, I like being the boss.”

 “Yeah? So, that’s why you and Jared get along great.” I teased him. “Goodnight man.”

   He moved closer and bumped my fist before going back to his room. Turning off the light, I followed Scarlett to the bedroom. “You staying?” She asked and I quickly locked the bedroom door, pinning her to the wall behind it. The music from Jayce’s room wasn’t loud, but we could hear it from her bedroom and I knew that he could hear what was happening in her room too.

She stared at me, giving me a pleading look and I brushed my lips against hers. We had been together almost every day and I was loving it, but I wanted her so bad. Scarlett had been putting off the makeup sex for over a week now and I was starting to lose my mind. “Baby, Jayce is in the next room,” she reasoned.

 “I know,” I whispered, making sure my wet lips still touched hers as I spoke. “Shhh.” My lips moved down her jaw and I pressed myself against her even harder. I wanted her to feel what being this close to her did to me. Without a word, I raised her left leg and moved it around my hip.

 I sucked along her neck, trying to find that one spot that made her crazy. I could immediately tell when I found it because she let out a whimper. Biting down, I groaned as I felt her fingernails sink into my skin and she spoke in a hushed tone. “Shannon... don’t.”

I swiped my tongue over the indentation left by my teeth and let go of the leg I had been holding. Trailing my fingers along the waistband of her cute little shorts, I moved swiftly, covering her mouth with one hand and shoving the other directly down into her shorts and panties.

  Her eyes widened and she glared at me, but made no move to stop me. The second my fingers slipped between her folds her eyes closed. I pumped my fingers a few times and released her, guided her to the bed. With a swift spin, I forced her to lean over the bed, kicking her feet apart and raising her shirt. I shoved my pants down, freeing myself from the tight material. “We can’t...” she protested, but I kept going.

Damn, she smelled so fucking good, like coconut or something. I trailed kisses all the way down her back. When I reached her shorts, I got to my knees and gave them a tug, making sure the panties came down too.

  I continued to plant kisses along her spine, granting one to each cheek along with a gentle bite. Her legs quivered and she knew what was coming next. My hands gripped her legs tightly as my tongue found its way to her wetness. I lapped at her tender skin, enjoying the way her legs started to shake uncontrollably. Her muffled moans were music to my ears. She pushed back, grinding herself against my face even harder.

     Releasing my grip on her leg, I reached down to give myself a few strokes, hoping I’d be able to hold back. I sucked her flesh into my mouth, knowing she was about to come apart any second... and she did. Her entire body shook as she collapsed onto the bed and shoved her face into the duvet. The muffled cry that escaped her lips was loud, but I was certain Jayce couldn’t hear it over the music.

  Standing up, I leaned over her back, my hardened flesh poking into her leg. “Come on baby.. I need you.”

 She turned and stood up, glancing down and quickly dropping to her knees. Her warm, sensational mouth engulfed me and making me realize how fast this will be over. “Jesus Scarlett...” it came out in a hoarse tone.

 She released me and slid her tongue along the underside of my shaft. I twisted my fingers in her hair as her mouth moved down to my balls. Licking and sucking like a professional, she had me at the edge much faster than I wanted.

Staring up at me, she moaned, sending vibrations through me. I rocked my hips faster, feeling the heat spread quickly. “Oh God..” I was so wound up and my body started to tense. Unfortunately, I wasn’t young anymore and couldn’t hold back any longer. “Scarlett... I.. “ I groaned, panting like mad and struggling to remain quiet. Her grip on the back of my thigh grew tighter and with a string of curses, I let go. Lapping up every drop, she swiped her tongue over her bottom lip and sucked her finger into her mouth as she stood.

 “I’ll be back, I’m gonna shower.” I watched her pull her clothes back on and grab something to change into before exiting. Climbing into bed, I was out within a matter of minutes. Eventually, I felt her arms wrap around me as she pressed herself against my back. I could so get used to this.

   We all had breakfast together in the morning and Scarlett and I left not long after I dropped Jayce off at school. I had practice with the band and she was working all day. We didn’t see each other for a few days with our crazy schedules, but were constantly texting and had a date planned.

      On Friday, I arrived at Scarlett’s apartment early, specifically to see Jayce before his date. After a talk with Mark, she finally agreed to let him take Sara out to the movies. The deal was, we would drop them off on our way out to dinner, and Stephanie and Mark would pick them up, then drop Sara off at home. Jayce would stay the night at Mark’s and all would be wonderful.

[rip-a-dip-dip-you-potato-chip]

will this be a legit tumblr fic series? no, absolutely not I just felt like writing something. Everything else will be bullet points since I can knock out like, two to three seasons in one go.

Shannon (Shan) Maywether.

Oc introduction P1

This takes place in between season 1 episodes 10 and 11 in like a mini sode I like to call "Eye of Unfairness" its a play off the fact Shan means unfortunate and unfair in Scottish (something I recently learned)

Also feel free to change out Shannon's/Shans name for your OC if you want to! I don't mind! Keep in mind this fic was made with Shannon's personality and physical condition in mind. I also wouldn't mind feed back!

Third person POV

A day had passed since the reveal of the green ninja. It was a surprise to learn that Lloyd, a kid, was the supposed chosen one. It was shock to, well everyone on board the Bounty.

It was Wednesday, so Shannon was tasked with cooking for the day. She stood, cutting vegetables for the side dish she was wiping up alongside the English breakfast she had made. Her mind was filled with ‘what if's’. As an older sister to 10 younger brothers, 4 of which that happen to be around Lloyd’s age it was startling for her. There was no telling when the 'Final Battle' will take place and what would happen during it, took the focus from the sharp edge of the blade she was holding.

"ow, damn it-" dropping the knife on the cutting board as she cursed. Bringing the cut wound to her lips she sucked on it as she searched for the bandages they kept in the kitchen just incase if kind of thing happened.

After finding bandages and bandaging the cut Shannon finished fixing up the salad. Just as she set the freshly tossed salad on the table the other residents of the ship walked in.

"Morning Shannon" "Mornin' Zane"

The other ninja mumbled a good morning as well as they took their set's at the table and began eating the breakfast prepared.

"Hay Shannon what happened to your hand?" Lloyd asked looking at the older girls hand.

"Oh, accidently cut myself." She replied placing her coffee cup down looking over at the small blonde. She ruffled his hair earning a ‘stop it’ from the boy, and chuckled at how messy his hair was now. 

The rest of breakfast went without much problem seeing as how everyone was still riding down from the adrenaline that was yesterday. It all seemed peaceful still Garmadon walked in.

Shannon's POV

Garm walked in, late as usual. And as usual we where all kinda put off with what he was eating. Dark matter grubs I think there called? Never payed much attention to this sorta thing really. I just can't get the truth we uncovered yesterday. Lloyd being the green ninja. Its going to hard for him I can tell.

Letting out an tried sigh I got up with my now empty plate and made my way over to the sink.

"Shannon, the Bounty is landing in a bit. You wanna come run groceries with me?" Nya asked as I passed her.

"Uhh, sure just tell me when you're planning on leaving." "You got it!"

____

Third person POV

As stated by Nya the Bounty had landed not long after they finished washing the dishes. The boys were outside training. Shannon seated cross-legged on the steps just watching with Wu. Garmadon had disappeared back into the ship, probably his room for the time being. Lloyd was hanging around the place too, inside reading. And Nya was getting ready to head out.

It wouldn't be for another 10 minutes till Garmadon emerged from where ever he was.

And unfortunately for everyone he was at the steps of the ship leading to where the ninja were training, and felt like causing some chaos.

Now it's not the man's fault, he has the venom of an equally evil snake brooding in his veins.

He knew he couldn't mess with the ninja, it was like a principle thing seeing as how they where tolerating his presence on the ship. Wu literally came to what might have been hell to most folks and brought him back to Ninjago to save his son. Nyas off limits, and as much as he wants to, his son, Lloyd is probably still shaken from not just the green ninja thing, but the snakes as well.

Which left Shannon.

The young lady had made it clear since there first interaction, that she held nothing against the dark lord. In fact she even played along with his bullshit if she felt like it. Best part, she can hold her own too. She may not train with the boys often but she knows spinjitzu, and has proven to be a good fighter, Shans just lax and a go with the flow kind of person.

With that in mind, he decided to make a comment.

"Not going to change?"

"What's wrong with what I'm wearing?" Shannon questioned, she didn't bother to look at him, as she took a swig from her tea that Wu had generously offered.

"With the amount of purple you wear you might get mistaken for a snake"

"Phff, at least I don't look like a took a bath in tar"

With that, a swift yet not powerful smack to the back of the teens head was earned. It was supposed to be playful, harmless but as the force of the hit passed through the youngers head, the sound of heavy glass hitting wood made itself known. This caused the boys to stop and turn there attention back over to the steps on the deck. As Shannon looked up, it became evidently clear she was missing her right eye.

Panic ensues.

Jay, Cole, Kai, and Zane screamed at the fact there friends eye was now just gone. Garmadons just standing there questioning if he put more power than he initially thought he did. Wu went wide eyes as he stared at the girl next to him, seeing small streams of blood leak out the now empty eye socket. Lloyd and Nya came running out to only to scream themselves.

With a sigh Shannon picked up her Eye and monical that had fallen.

"Guys, chill out!" She yelled.

"CHILL OUT! SHAN YOU EYE FEEL OUT OF YOUR HEAD" the Blue ninja yelled. Pointing at the eye in the Burnetts hand.

"Its a glass eye bolts for brain's" Shan retorted.

"Glass eye?" Cole repeated.

"Yes, a glass eye! Why did you think I wore a monocle instead of regular glasses? Sure I can't see jack with my right eye but it acts as a shield of sorts!"

"I-im so sorry, are you okay Shannon?" Garmadon asked.

"Ya, im fine" she answered.

____

After that everyone had gone inside. Zane grabbed the medical kit to disinfect and put a temporary patch over Shannon's eye. Garmadon had taken the glass eye and with the recommended disinfectant Shannon just so happen to have on her, put the bloody thing in a black glass cup filled with warm water and the disinfectant liquid mixture, to clean it. He may be the bad guy, but he's never really hurt anyone to the point they lose something like an eye.

Once done he gave the glass to Shannon who was now sitting in the armchair.

"So, umm how'd you uh- you know lose you eye?" Kai asked weirly, he feared there might be some sort of trauma along with it and didn't want to trigger it.

"You don't have to tell us!" Nya quickly added.

"Na its fine" Shannon said as she waved off there concerns.

"I was about seven when it happened. Home invasion. The guy had a gun. I had heard sound from downstairs and curiosity got the best of me. I think your all smart enough to piece together what happened next" she said. Everyone kinda relied back at the mear mental image.

"Yikes" Jay, shivered at the thought of it.

"I mean it’s not all that bad I guess. Altho I didn't have a say in whether or not I got a fake eye"

"What do you mean you didn't get a say in it?"

"It’s exactly as I say it is. When I woke up my depth perception was crap, but I had both my eyes. It wasn't until the doctor told me my parents were admit about me having one"

"So are, you like going to be ok or?"

"I'll be fine green bean, if anything this was a good thing, means I need a new one. Thankfully I shot my brother text about one lot long ago." Shannon said dismissively

"Brother?" Wu questioned.

"Okay, Nya you ready to got out?"

"Ya but it can wait-" "I'm good, I swear Nya lets go" the older girl instead as she got up and dragged Nya out the ship for their planned outing. (She put the glass with the eye in the table as they left)

"Well that was, concerning" Cole said as the two girls disappeared.

____

It was around midday the girls were not back yet. Jay was still unnerved by the eye in the cup being in such an open area, moved it over to the kitchen counter. Training was cut short because of the incident. Wu taking into account not just the mental impact of one of his charges eyes popping up in front of them, but the buildup of stuff they'd been having to deal with since his absence. Besides when the girls get back they all need to talk of a plan to get the Fang Blades back from the Serpentine before they can awaken the Devourer. 

Wu and his brother where out front on the deck talking, it felt like forever to the two of them since they last spoke in such good terms. The guys (pluss Lloyd) where inside playing video games as a pass time. It wasn't long after when the sound of a car, a taxi, could be heard coming there way. As the taxi came to a stop the guys had logged off there game and stepped out to grate the return of the only two females on their team. 

But instead of the raven and green tipped brunette haired, a blond tipped brunette boy stepped out the vehicle (not before paying of course) and made his way over to the Bounty. 

“umm, dumb question since there aren't many flying ships around, but is this the Destiny's Bounty?” The Boy asked as he neared the ship. upon closer inspection the boy was wearing a leather jacket with a white under shirt, and jeans with a pair of black converse. He had a mailman bag slung over his shoulder. 

“ya it is, what bring you all the way out here though?” Cole answered as he crossed his arms. attempting to look menacing which seemed to be working.   

“uh, I came to drop something off for my sister, Shannon?” The boy answered.

“Shannon, as in the monocle waring Shan?” Jay asked 

“yes! that one!” 

“Cool, Cool... wanna climb on board?” Kai asked him.

“Would I!” The boy, Shannon’s brother made is way up on the Bounty.

“By the way, what you name” Zane asked as the brunet dorded.

“Shane, Shane Maywather and might I say it’s a pleasure to meet the guys my sister has been staying with after all this time.” He, Shane replied.

____

“wait, so let me get this straight” Cole stood with his hands on his head, clearly confused by what was said. 

Its been about an hour since Shane was let on borde and the guy could see why his sister liked it here so much.  

“there are 10 of you? including Shane makes 11″ Cole sated. Shane just nodded as he let the earth ninja racape what Shane had told them. Wu and Garmadon where in the kitchen intently listening to the conversation they were having.  

“yup, Shan and I are the oldest, there where are the quads; Jason, Mayson, Tyson, Carson.” He started again listing his younger siblings.

“Then the triplets; Asher, Carter and Xavier. Then the last set of twins; Franklyn and Merlyn” Shane finished. 

“No wonder Shannon can deal with us so well” Jay said looking astonished.

“ya she had to deal with 9 younger brothers and one older one” Kai remarked. Shane snickered before correcting him.

“Shannon is the oldest, in fact despite us being twins, she’s technically a year older than me.” 

“But isn't being twins, like two people being born on the same day?” Zane inquired.

“True, but you see, my mom had Shannon on december 31st 1995, at around 11:55pm, I then happened on january 1st 1996 at 00:02am in the morning” Shane explained.

“dude” Jay commented. Shane laghed.

“yup,Shannons the ‘big sister’ of the house” He said glancing about.  

“i'm surprised though, i though Shannon would have at least mentioned something about you guys to us” Lloyd pipped in. He enjoyed Shannons company she made him feel welcome. And when she caught him setting up the prank for Kai as his uncle had asked him to, she gave him some pointers on how to eviscerate Kai’s high score. Even took some pressure off him as she stayed in the room in anticipation for the fire ninja so they wouldn't get too suspicious. To learn Shan had several younger brothers, like Jay commented, meade scene in how she was not only dealt with them but was able to deal with his father so well.

“Honestly,it's do be expected. Because Shannons the oldest our parents are hard on her... We come from a fairly well of family to the point where money is more or less a play thing to our folks” Shane started, the ninja(pluss Loyd)went wide eyed.

“so you're saying you guys are rich?” Jay asked dumbfounded. Shane fidgeted with his fingers.

“Y-Ya pretty much. But Shannon, and our parents, they... They don't get along at all. For all i can remember, the only time i've ever had with Shan was when she wasn't in any of her classes or extracurriculars. They pushed her to be perfect, and at the same time pushed her away. Looking back there where countless arguments over a lot of what they where doing” Shane said looking down at his lap. 

“There was this one argument that just hit the nail in the head though, a couple years back, it was during dinner and our parents had invited a business associates family over. They had a son, about three years older then Shannon and I. Our parents had announced that he would be Shannons fiance and thighs went downhill fast” Looking up once more Shane let a had run though his hair as he relieved the memory. The guys were taken aback by this, seeing as how Shan was arguably one of the most level headed people they knew. 

“sounds stressful” Kai quipped not really knowing how to respond to that, bur as a brother to a sister himself he could understand the feeling of not wanting your sibling to do be forced into doing something they don't want to. 

“You don’t half of it” Shan said with a sigh. 

“After that, she stormed out never to be seen scene again. At least physically, she managed to keep contact with me, we talk but not as much as either of us would like...” He finished leaning back and letting the surprisingly soft couch engulf him. 

“I’m glad though,she deserves a break after everything” Shane commented.

“ya well if you call fighting an army of skeletons, snakes and eventually Garmadon a brake, then you my friend are in need of a vacation as well” Jay replied plopping down next to Shane with a dorky grin. The tenshin that had been building in Shane dissipated, yup he could really see why his sister liked it here so much. 

____

Dropping the topic of who much his and Shannon's parents where that talked about other random things. It was a little bit later when the girl got back.  The two where catting about, something girl related when they walked into the main room of the Bounty. 

“Hey! Welcome back! And guess how came to visit?!” Jay sang, gesturing to Shane who was seated next to him. Shannon looked over at her bother in shock she thought-

"Good to see you again Sister!~" Shane said as be bolted form where he was sitting to envelope Shannon in a hug. As he did Shannon dropped the bags she was holding, seemingly shocked that her blood brother was here. 

“Shane?” She breathed, then hugged him back, leaning into it. 

After a bit the two separated.

“It’s good to see you again Shane! How have you been?” “Good, good, what about you? what happened to your eye? Where is it?” 

Shan laughed a little and shook her head.

“There was an accident this morning, Garmadon hit the back of my head and it just popped out” Shane stood still. Taking in the information. Once complete he turned and tried to lunged to where Garmadon was, if it wasn't for Shannon having grabbed him in that split second. He probably would have gone into a full on fist fight with the dark lord. 

“Lemme go! I'm going to eviscerate him!” Shane hissed struggling against his sisters grip. Thank the First Spinjitzu Master that Shannon trained with the boys ocashinaly. 

“Calm down little brother it was an accident” “Like HELL”  

The two go back and forth a little more till Shane camls down. Garmadon rightfully spooked at the fact that this, well mannered, e-boy looking, kid was threatened to ‘eviscerate’ him. 

“Fine, I won’t attack him, doesn't mean I won’t like it” Shane said mutting that last bit. 

“Seriously (1)Balach Milis, if you applied this anger properly, you wouldn't have to deal with what Eric and Lizzibeth right?” Shannon said as she let him go. picking up the grocery bags, and placed them on the counter. 

“(2)Flùr Gaoithe, you know when it comes to Mama and (3)Athair I can’t do do that!” He complained like a small child. 

“You really need to grow a backbone” Shane said shaking her head.

___ 

Things had settled down since then.  

“It’s getting late, I should get going, I have band practice tomorrow and need the rest.” “boo, skip and just stay here for the week” “Flùr Gaoithe” “Balach Milis“ 

With that The younger twin got up, gave his sister the new glass eye she had asked for, said his goodbyes, shot Garmadon one last glar, and left. 

“Your brother seems like a nice person” Gramadon said looking over the the greet tipped girl. 

“Ya, he’s awesome. Wish he was less of a pushover tho” 

Jay feeling thirsty, walked over into the kitchen. He spotted the black glass cup, completely having forgot about the eye inside it. Now you can't really see anything at the bottom. And Jay, in his infinite wisdom, thinking it was just some random cup of random water that had been left on the kitchen counter, and drank from it. 

“OH GOD” 

 “Did Jay drink from the eye glass?” Lloyd asked his uncle who was watching from the blue ninja form the table.

“He drank from the eye glass” Wu confirmed. The others erupted into a fit of laughter and giggles. 

__________

 (1)Balach Milis - Sweet boy  

(2)Flùr Gaoithe - Wind flower 

(3)Athair - dad

this was translated using google translate, the language being Scottish Gaelic. I know Ninjago was based off of asian culture. But like I said, Shan it scottish for unfortunate and unfair. Also nothing in the lore of the show explicitly states that Ninjago is the only continent on the planet. 

I HC that there are different parts of the world. its safe to say Ninjago is the main land where a lot of the exciting things happen, but across who knows how long away there are different countries. And Shannon’s family like immigrated to Ninjago, during it’s early years where big contributors and financial support, in building the city. 

but ye this is a mini sode, i came up with. criticism is always welcome! I will be doing bullet notes for Shan and Melody, and maye Gold to since i have an active fic about her that i haven't updated in, forever but yaaaaa. 

till next text post i guess lol                          

[eddycurrents]

For the week of 4 December 2017

Quick Bits:

Astonishing X-Men #6 concludes the first half of Charles Soule’s experiment into a non-fixed art team, featuring a new artist each issue. I’m still not convinced that it works for a long form story, but it has yielded some very pretty art, including this issue’s art from Mike del Mundo. There’s also a physical return from one of the characters in the book in an unexpected way. I’m still not sure it’s really him, something still feels very wrong about the whole thing, but it makes some interesting storytelling.

| Published by Marvel

Barbarella #1 is about as absurd as you’d expect. Love and lust outlawed, abundant female prison sex, and an oppressive religious patriarchy. Between Mike Carey’s script, Kenan Yarar’s art, and Crank!’s rectangular word balloons, this all feels very much like something out of Metal Hurlant. To me, that’s a good thing, but your mileage may vary. I like Yarar’s art, reminds me a lot of Mortiat.

| Published by Dynamite

Black Cloud #6 returns from its trade break, kicking off its second story arc with a focus on Frank and some really nice guest art from Paul Reinwand.

| Published by Image

Extremity #9 is pretty damn amazing. I mean, every issue of Extremity is like reading pure gold, a perfect mix of characters, action, and stunning artwork, but this issue is one hell of a heartwrencher. Daniel Warren Johnson just keeps getting better and better.

| Published by Image / Skybound

Faith’s Winter Wonderland Special is a fun fantasy adventure from Marguerite Sauvage, Francis Portela, MJ Kim, and Andrew Dalhouse that sees Faith need to come to the rescue of one of her childhood programme hosts in an interesting commentary on imagination versus consumerism.

| Published by Valiant

The Gravediggers Union #2 brings things more into focus as it gives shape to the prime movers working behind the scenes to cause the chaos occurring on the supernatural levels. Toby Cypress’ art is just perfect for this.

| Published by Image

Klaus and the Crisis in Xmasville #1 is another great instalment in this series. There’s just something magical about this collaboration between Grant Morrison and Dan Mora and this issue is no different. Mora’s art alone is worth it, especially when it comes to his use of colour and shading.

| Published by BOOM! Studios

The Mighty Crusaders #1 isn’t half bad. The main draw is Kelsey Shannon’s artwork, but Ian Flynn’s story isn’t a bad set-up. It does play upon the history and legacy of the Mighty Crusaders characters, but it’s not really an impediment to new readers understanding anything.

| Published by Archie Comics / Dark Circle

No. 1 With a Bullet #2 is some pretty heavy stuff. It begins dealing with the fallout of Nash Huang’s privacy being violated through a sex tape she don’t know was being filmed leaking to the public. Jacob Semahn does a great job of showing the common reactions of the public, as well as how shattered the target of such a violation’s personal life can become. Coupled with the art of Jorge Corona, this is really shaping up to be one of the best things Image is publishing right now, and Image is publishing a lot of great books.

| Published by Image

Paradiso #1 is yet another stunning debut from Image. It’s sci-fi, but its world actually kind of reminds me of China Miéville’s New Crobuzon. This world looks lived in, broken, and winding down, but still filled with a hint of magic (or technology as it were). Ram V does a good job of teasing us with this world, and the life of Jack Kryznan, but it’s Devmalya Pramanik’s art that gives it real substance. Pramanik has a style that reminds me a bit of a mix between John Ridgway and Eddie Campbell which, when mixed with Dearbhla Kelly and Alex Sollazzo’s colours, just make this book look amazing.

| Published by Image

Rasputin: Voice of the Dragon #2 sees Bruttenholm investigate further into Albert Mayhew and his manor. Christopher Mitten once again shows us some beautiful artwork and layouts.

| Published by Dark Horse

Sleepless #1 makes this series look like the story may be a bit of a slow burn. It also shows that every series should probably have a fennec in it. We’re introduced to Poppy, the illegitimate daughter of a deceased king, and her protector, Cyrenic, a “sleepless” knight, at the time of the coronation of Poppy’s uncle as the new king. The pacing gives Leila del Duca’s art a lot of time to breathe, but we’re light on any explanation here beyond the surface so far.

| Published by Image

Star Wars: Darth Vader #9 kicks off Jocasta Nu’s battle against the dark side in the Jedi Archives in earnest. This issue sees her take on the Grand Inquisitor, who is shown still as an overzealous, arrogant adversary. Next issue promises the confrontation with Vader himself.

| Published by Marvel

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles #77 regroups a bit from the action, having the Triceratons lick their wounds and meet up with the Turtles, while the Foot have a discussion with Agent Bishop. It’s interesting and disconcerting still to see Splinter as the “bad guy”.

| Published by IDW

Venom Inc.: Alpha has some wonderful artwork from Ryan Stegman. His layouts, as usual, add a lot to the storytelling and visual flow of the story, and they’re just immensely readable. The story itself is interesting as well. It looks like we may finally be getting an explanation for how Flash lost the symbiote, but in the meantime, we’ve also got a villainous faction stealing Mania, and potentially birthing more.

| Published by Marvel

Violent Love #10 brings the series to a close with numerous revelations. I wish there were more to come for the series, but this has been a great ride. Victor Santos’ art is perfectly suited to crime comics and Frank Barbiere has managed to craft characters in Daisy and Rock that you truly care about.

| Published by Image

Witchblade #1 is a promising new beginning. The art from Roberta Ingranata and Bryan Valenza is very nice. Ingranata’s art reminds me a bit of Peter Gross and Mark Buckingham, probably a little more spare, and when coupled with Valenza’s rich blues gives the book a kind of dreamlike quality about it. We’re left to wonder a bit about the details of exactly what’s going on, but Caitlin Kittredge certainly makes it compelling.

| Published by Image / Top Cow

Other Highlights: Agent 47: Birth of the Hitman #2, Alters #8, Archie #26, Avengers #674, Black Bolt #8, Captain America #696, Doctor Strange #382, The Fix #10, Giant Days #33, Guardians of the Galaxy #148, Hawkeye #13, Iceman #8, Inhumans: Once & Future Kings #5, Iron Fist #75, Love & Rockets #4, Mirror #9, Moonstruck #4, Noble #7, Paper Girls #18, Red Sonja #11, Rock Candy Mountain #6, Scales & Scoundrels #4, Spider-Man #235, Spirits of Vengeance #3, Throwaways #10, The Unbelievable Gwenpool #23, Usagi Yojimbo #164

Recommended Collections: Babyteeth - Volume 1, Black Bolt - Volume 1: Hard Time, Judge Dredd: Mega City Zero, Micronauts: Wrath of Karza, Lumberjanes - Volume 7, Rick & Morty - Volume 6, Rocket Girl - Volume 2, Shirtless Bear-Fighter, Star Wars - Volume 6: Out Among the Stars

d. emerson eddy has miles to go before he sleeps.

[cripplinganxietyflix]

CAF’s Best of Streaming Recommendations for November 2017!

Netflix decided to not allow me to view my queue from any platform just as I decided to write this up, so any titles I’ve forgotten this time around, I’ll add to the next streaming list I make. Don’t fuck me on this, Netflix. 

“What do you recommend that I can stream?” is a question I get pretty frequently, so I think I’m going to start doing a regular post every couple months featuring things I’ve seen on various streaming services and liked. In this list I’m going to focus on Netflix and Shudder. In future lists I’m going to strive for variety, but this one is going to have a lot of horror and indie... and indie horror!

Misunderstood (Incompresa), 2014 dir. Asia Argento

Where you can find it: Netflix US

I’ve hard a hardcore obsession for Argento’s 2004 film The Heart is Deceitful Above All Things since I saw it over a decade ago, and I’ve both recommended and defended that film to nearly everyone I know with an open mind. An absolutely batshit and disturbing ensemble piece based on the (fake) autobiography of the same name by JT LeRoy, The Heart is Deceitful features a pretty iconic lead performance by Argento as an abusive, white trash, drug addict mother, as well as appearances by Jeremy Renner, Marilyn Manson, Peter Fonda, Winona Ryder, Ben Foster, and Michael Pitt. Two pre-Disney Sprouse twins star opposite Argento as her traumatized son. It’s gritty and daring and shocking as hell. For a first effort, it’s a little sloppy and it does take some effort at disbelief suspension to buy Argento’s portrayal of an American through her Italian accent, but if you can get past that, it’s such a wild trip. Like Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, but about child abuse. 

Misunderstood is Argento’s first full-length directorial effort since The Heart is Deceitful, and she has seriously grown so much as a director between these two films. 

This quirky and engaging film chronicles 9-year-old Aria, a girl growing up in Rome in 1984. Her parents are rich celebrities who are too self-obsessed to properly parent her, and Aria is often left up to her own devices. Charlotte Gainsbourg delivers a great performance as her absent rockstar mother- and speaks perfect Italian throughout much of the film. The film is loosely based on Argento’s own childhood; her real-life father is Dario, the disturbed visionary behind Italian horror classics like Suspiria, Inferno and Tenebre. 

Misunderstood is a darkly memorizing film about girlhood. Argento possesses such an amazing skill for procuring absolutely stellar performances from the child actors in her films, and Giulia Salerno is fantastic as Aria. I hear people singing praises for the child actors in Stranger Things or the new It, and I laugh smugly comparing those performances to Salerno’s in Misunderstood. It’s such a compelling drama; a great foreign language film for people who have a tough time with subtitles. It totally blows Boyhood out of the water as a film about childhood. 

The Eyes of My Mother, 2016 dir. Nicolas Pesce

Where you can find it: Netflix US

If you’re maybe looking for something like The Girl Next Door but classier, The Eyes of My Mother is a prisoner/torture film you can take to dinner at Dorsia. 

Shot in beautiful black-and-white, this is a nice little serial killer making-of that is both grotesque and visually-pleasing. The story follows Francisca, a young girl whose mother, formerly an eye surgeon in Portugal, has fascinated her with vivisection and human anatomy. But this fascination has an unintended consequence when Francisca must cope with senseless tragedy. 

This film has a deliberate pace and convincing performances that seem out-of-place among typical torture-horror. The photography is really lovely, and it confidently supports the bygone era setting that feels like 1950s rural America. 

For such a small film, the writing and performances are impressive. Specifically, I thought the visiting serial killer was profoundly interesting for someone who only appears as a supporting character. I felt a real effort for this film to be respectable and taken seriously, and that isn’t something that I would generally say about other films that cover this topic and material. It’s in the same category as the likes of The Girl Next Door or Hostel and it is just leagues ahead of those films in quality. 

If you like “Fucked Up but Upper Crust” films like Antichrist, Under the Skin or The Witch, this little horror-drama about extreme alienation will be a good fit for you. 

Take Shelter, 2011 dir. Jeff Nichols

Where you can find it: Shudder

I finally got to watch this movie after maybe two or three years of waiting for an opportunity. It’s available on Shudder, which my household recently subscribed to. It’s $5/month (or $4/month if you buy a whole year at once) and has a yuuuge selection of horror movies that is extremely diverse- everything from Battle Royale to Cannibal Holocaust to Beyond the Black Rainbow. Even if you paid $10 for a couple months of it, any horror fan will easily find enough of their catalog to make the investment worth it. I SWEAR THIS IS NOT A PAID ADVERTISEMENT BUT SHUDDER HMU IF YOU WANNA BE MY SUGAR DADDY 

Where was I? Ah yes. Take Shelter is a great drama/psychological horror film that succeeds mainly on Michael Shannon’s jaw-dropping performance. He plays a man plagued by disturbing apocalyptic visions, and he isn’t sure if they’re true prophesies or emerging schizophrenia. It’s an excellent piece on mental illness in rural America. Michael Shannon is quickly becoming one of my favorite actors and I think this may be the best performance of his. I’ve heard Tarantino just finished his script for his Charles Manson movie, and if he doesn’t cast Robert Pattinson in the lead role (dude, just think about it), Michael Shannon is my second pick. The guy is just so genuine and talented. 

I would have liked for the ending to go in a different direction, but I seem to be the only person I’ve talked to with this opinion so take that with a grain of salt. 

Take Shelter has an interesting take on the weird convergence of prophetic conviction and mental illness. I would probably recommend it to fans of We Need to Talk About Kevin, Melancholia, or Jacob’s Ladder. 

The Transfiguration, 2016 dir. Michael O’Shea

Where you can find it: Netflix US

I can’t believe how few people have seen this film! It’s sensational!

This is a vampire movie for people who love gritty indie shit like Gummo or White Girl. It follows a teenage boy who’s absolutely captivated by vampire lore, to a horrifying degree. He’s coping with the recent death of his mother when he meets an equally traumatized teenage outcast, Sophie, whom he drags into his bizarre fantasy world. 

The Transfiguration goes places that horror hasn’t really been gutsy or diversified enough to go, with themes like child murder, 13 or 14-year-old kids dealing with fucked up shit, and inner city violence. Another deliberately paced film, the gritty and realistic tone makes the horror more realistic and shocking when it appears, in the same way that Drive lulls you into a sense of calm before assaulting you with car chases and Christina Hendricks’s fucking head getting blown the fuck off. 

The ending is perfectly ambiguous for a film so tethered to reality. Whereas something like Take Shelter doesn’t leave you wondering whether Michael Shannon’s visions were real apocalyptic prophesies or schizophrenic delusions, The Transfiguration respects you enough to leave you hanging on the final shot. 

This is a surprising film that left me a little damaged and disturbed for a few days. It goes to some very dark places, some that are so generally taboo for horror it’s like having a finger jammed into a wound you didn’t know you had. If the notion of a gritty independent film crossing over effectively into horror excites you, check this one out as soon as you can. 

A Dark Song, 2016 dir. Liam Gavin

Where you can find it: Netflix US

This is a nice little surprise of a horror film that I haven’t seen get much attention. An aggrieved woman and an occultist shut themselves in a creepy house to perform a strict, months-long black ritual. 

A Dark Song conjures up a balanced mixture of psychological horror, haunts and black magic. The two leads far exceed the horror standard and do an excellent job of maintaining the pace for an otherwise subtle and slow-burning film. A healthy amount of human drama between the characters paired with the strong performances makes you care a bit for both of them, which helps immensely to amplify the dread and horror when the movie gets scary. And, thankfully, it is fairly scary!

The only true weakness of this film is an ending that doesn’t quite live up to what my expectations were, but it’s not enough of a failing to subtract from the overall quality of the film. I know a few folks who are into ~~“THE OCCULT”~~ that liked this film quite a bit, and the atmosphere kind of reminds me of The Others, if The Others was a more serious and deliberate film. It’s a surprise in the same way that The Invitation was last year. Highly recommend for most horror fans. 

Hell House LLC, 2015 dir. Stephen Cognetti

Where you can find it: Shudder 

I mentioned this in my Creep 2 review, but I’m very open-minded toward found footage and I think it’s a much better genre than people give it credit for. I’ll make a list or video eventually talking about the ones I think are great, but today I want to recommend this relatively underrated found footage flick from 2015. 

Hell House LLC is starts off with newsreel and cell phone footage documenting a Halloween haunted house tour that ended with the unexplained deaths of 15 people. What follows is the newly discovered footage shot by the tour organizers leading up to the mysterious disaster. 

There are two things I’m looking for with found footage: why they have cameras, and why they continue to shoot when shit gets real. Hell House LLC nails both of these: they have the cameras to both document the set up and to manage the haunted house during operation. They continue to stay and film here because they have an understandable financial commitment keeping them there. Additionally, you get the feeling that these people are used to being around creepy stuff for a living and when you hear them expressing skepticism about the sp0ooo0o0oky things happening, their rationale for sticking around makes sense and is believable. 

The movie is pretty scary! I watched it in the dark with headphones and definitely jumped, shouted, and whipped my headphones off in terror a couple times. It does a good job of using limited light and perspective to make you dread shadows and dark corners. 

The film isn’t quite perfect, and suffers minorly from inexperienced actors, but it wasn’t enough to take me out of the movie. I really liked the concept and I hear a sequel is in production, so you might wanna get in on this. Recommend for fans of Grave Encounters or The Poughkeepsie Tapes.