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annoying-lucy · 5 years ago

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Evan Evagora did an AMA involving the Star Trek Shitposting Facebook Group - the questions and answers below were copy/pasted direct from the collated master post. Evan is a member of the group, who participates under an unknown pseudonym.

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AMA Master Post!

Thanks so much to Evan Evagora for taking time out of his day for our AMA earlier. To make the questions and answers easier for ya'll to find, here they all are together below.

Q: How does my love of cats compare to Elnor?

A: Im actually more of a dog person, there was a scene that had Elnor and spot 2 unite briefly but unfortunately it didn’t leave the editing room

Q: How familiar was I with Star Trek before and did I have to do research?

A: I grew up with TNG, I’d have to say either worf, Guinan or Q are my favourite characters. And I was given episodes to watch that were to help with information before filming Picard

Q: How was I prepped to deal with the crazy fans?

A: I got told to join Star Trek shitposting 😉. Not but in all seriousness, it was Jonathan Frakes who gave me advice on entering the world of fandom from the other side and he said it’s been nothing short of a pleasure

Q: So if Hugh had survived would they have made out?

A: what happens on the cube stays on the cube

Q: My favourite moment of s1

A: getting to slice that romulans head off

Q: How did I hear about Star Trek shitposting?

A: most of the crew is either a part of the group or knows about, one of the amazing hair and make up ladies got me into I think my first or second day

Q: If I had to be Tuvixed with someone excluding elnor?

A: mirror verse Elnor, nah worf to be honest

Q: What is something I’d like to do in season 2

A: Id like to see Elnor and spot 2 together

Q: How am I passing my time woth quarantine?

A: ama for the gronp! Nah I’ve just been reading, writing and also the contact I’m having with the fans too has really helped a lot

Q: If I had to quarantine with any of my costars who would it be and why

A: I’d go with hardy treadaway he’s got the nicest place

Q: What am I hoping to see in Elnor’s future

A: Inner peace, contentment and possibly shorter hair?

Q: Am I intimidated by working on a show with such a big fan base?

A: no I grew up with Star Trek, you’re really in a bubble of filming when you’re making the show, it all didn’t really hit home until the first trailer at San Diego

Q: Would I consider playing Elnor as non binary

A: I’ve seen a lot of debate and discussion about not only my character but others in the series, if there is something that connects you with a character on this show and it resonates with you, even if it’s shown, not shown or hinted at I’m all for it. I am not for the constant belittlement, bullying and criticism of not only the characters on the show but also other fans. It really does break my heart reading comments where people aren’t welcoming of one another, because that is the whole reason why Trek has bought so many together and by spewing these disgusting cruel words out your not only showing the world you don’t understand the meaning behind the show, you also are destroying the thing that makes us all love it

Q: Is there Australia on romulas

A: yeah they have a down under I’m sure of it. No the accent can easily be explained with, Elnor left romulas at a young age, moved to a planet with different species and languages spoken so that influenced his accent

Q: Have I seen Elnor fan fiction and art?

A: yeah some of it has been really amazing! And some others have been...creative

Q: How excited am I to make home movies with my action figures?

A: my plan is to buy everyone’s, make them record audio and then film shit using the dolls and their voices

Q: Are you playing animal crossing?

A: I’ve preordered it because they’ve sold out here in aus, but in playing civ 6 to pass time and Mario party

Q: Did I get to try Romulan ale?

A: no I wish, I’m kind of hoping for a scene next year where Elnor gets drunk for the first time

Q: What character did I wish would appear in our show?

A: one word, one letter Q

Q: What’s my background have I been acting long?

A: Picard was my third acting gig, and the first project to release, so I have got some experience acting and I have previous work but it has either just aired or is going to next year

Q: Please my friend choose a charity you would like us to donate to

A: food bank

Q: Favourite ninja turtle

A: it’s always been Raph and always will be

Q: Do I know much about Elnors background

A: I know things that haven’t been mentioned yet, but also given his character is new and season 1 just finished, hopefully some of those things are explored

Q: How would o feel about the fan theory that Spock is my father

A: I mean, I’m not really sure, I can always shoot Ethan a message and ask him what he thinks too

Q: Which classic episode trope would I like to see?

A: mirror universe

Q: Can we look forward to more ninja representation?

A: is Elnor not enough? ☹️

Q: Were there any particular characters I drew inspiration from, any elves?

A: there’s a particular group of people I think Elnor might have been inspired from. Can I just say how cool it would be if Elnor is just cosplaying as an elf because Picard left him a copy of Lotr when he was young

Q: Would I be open to exploring Elnors sexuality in s2 and what would it be?

A: I am totally open for that, and as for Elnors sexuality, I’m not sure he’s only 17 he’s just left his planet and gone off on an adventure where he openly knew the success may lead in his death or others he hasn’t had time to figure himself out so seeing his sexuality explored would be amazing

Q: What stories did you hear about working on precious trek series from the OG actors?

A; So we found out Michael Dorn used to muddle his lines up because he was normally the last close up of the day. They used to put bets on to see how many takes he’d have to do. All I must add in very fun spirits nothing ever malicious or mean

Q: My long term career goals

A: id like to keep pursuing more roles I’m acting, I’m a big writer and have some projects I’m looking at getting created but right now I’d say I’m just here to learn and grow

Q: What do I write?

A: right now I’m working on three screenplays and two pilots most of the stuff I’ve written is just sitting on my hard drive just waiting to be used

Q: Ever fried an egg, buttered and vegemite'd some toast and eaten it like a sandwich?

A: what I just read, scared the crap out of me, I love vegemite but the most I’ll do is add cheese to it

Q: What is one of my favourite stories about s1

A: Jeri Ryan and I had a scene together in the borg cube (what a queen she made!) it was shooting at night and I think it was the final shot of the day, we couldn’t keep a straight face and just laughed through about fifteen takes

Q: Are you a big fan of fandom besides Trek?

A: Star Wars, lotr, the magician series Raymond e feist, a song of fire and ice series, avatar last air bender and legend of Korra (would love to play zuko) and of course Batman (fav Jason Todd as the hood)

Q: Could I see myself playing Elnor for six or seven years?

A: as long as there’s a good story that myself and fans will enjoy, but if it didn’t meet my expectations no. And also hopefully the writers and creators would want to

Q: My top TNG eps are in no particular order

I borg, all good things, tapestry, the measure of a man and all good things

I’ll also add I borg especially because it’s just cool seeing where Hugh began and how he ended up

Q: How did I land the role of Elnor?

A: I was on a break from filming Fantasy Island (a movie based off the old tv show) and I was home for pilot season which is when they cast for shows, I had two weeks of daily auditions before I was due to fly back and start filming again, two days before I was meant to leave I got an audition for Picard, the script had a code name and Elnors name was Kbar on it, but I was told it was Star Trek. I went into the room and thought I didn’t do a very good job, then I flew to film and two days later I was told I’ve made a list of people being considered, after a few more auditions and a couple of phone calls from producers and everything I found myself on a plane to LA five weeks later

Q: Have I made friends among the cast?

A: no, we tried really hard to become friends, but unfortunately we ended up becoming a family instead. Everything we say in interviews about us getting along is all true and not fake. I’m the newest to acting out of everyone so I was kind of of shocked to find out that how close we all are isn’t necessarily how it will be when I shoot other projects, so I think we just got lucky or they casted really well

Q: Have the Picard people seen your memes?

A: yes I’ve shown them the memes from the page, I’ve shown everyone including Patrick we find most of them funny (some shocking)

Not shocking in a bad way

Unexpected I should say

Q: How do I feel about the ears?

A: I wore them so much they came up in my dreams, but they were the easiest thing to apply onto me

Q: Which non tng character would I like to see return?

A: I wouldn’t mind seeing the doctor

Q: The most relatable Star Trek character?

A: Look for me growing up it was Wesley, i just picked anyone who was the young one. And I grew up with my sisters and was always being told I’m either wrong, an idiot or just to shut up

Q: Did I have previous martial arts experience before the show?

A: I have a background in boxing which helps when it comes to movement, reflexes and just all around fitness for stunts. I didn’t have any sword fighting experience before we began training for the show however

Q: How do you think being raised by an order of women affected Elnor?

A: I think it gave him a healthy understanding of not only the strength and resilience of women but I think he understands not only gender equality but just equality in general and I think that’s directly to do with growing up in a sect of all female warrior nuns

Q: What is a type of meme you would like to see more of in the group?

A: I love all the memes in the group, I hardly like any of them now incase someone figures out who I am though ahahah

Q: Favorite recent memes?

A: See my comment below

#evan evagora #star trek #star trek: picard #picard #elnor #ama #stsp

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46ammy · 5 years ago

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Primal Zodiac of the LU Links

So I was browsing through Tumblr when I found a link to Primal Astrology, in which it gives you a primal zodiac by combining your Chinese Zodiac (birth year) and your Zodiac constellation (birth month) signs, and I was fairly amused by how some parts were pretty accurate describing my personality.

Me being rather obsessed with LU, I decided to look up the Primal Zodiac signs for each Link in the LU verse, based on their release date of their “timeline-wise” first adventure (eg: Four= Minish cap)

Some of the descriptions I found pretty close to what the fandom depicts each Link’s personality, and some I kinda disagree/ not certain about.

Ones I agree for the most part:

Hyrule February 21, 1986 -> Pisces + Tiger = Stingray “those born under the sign ... are adventurous, humanitarian, generous, sincere, rebellious, and emotionally fragile all at the same time. .... but stingrays are also deep thinkers, dreamers, and idealists. ..... While they may spend a great deal of time lingering in the background, they are not afraid to stand up for themselves, and can be a very formidable opponent.... love intense conversations and ideas that they can share with others... tend to play whatever role suits them best in different social situations... attracted to mysterious people, places, and things... relish the unusual and unexplained...” (That’s how I see Hyrule for the most part)

Legend November 21, 1991 -> Scorpio + Sheep = Panda “...tend to be popular but loners, want to go with the flow but have to feel in charge of their own destiny, long to relax but are always working on projects.... Those born under this sign are quiet, collected, and focused, but can become obsessive, overly critical, and anxious if left alone for too long. ... aren’t very social by nature, but still enjoy having like-minded friends around. ... may not seem their nature, they are deep down romantics...” (while some may debate on the quiet part, I see that as him being quiet about himself, not sharing too much with others.)

Time November 21, 1998 -> Scorpio + Tiger = Honey badger “Powerful, passionate, and resilient ... fierce competitors who are not afraid to go after what they want. .... fearless in their conquests and will not back down to anyone. ... Deep down Honey badgers want something to live fore beyond mere day to day survival. Survival is easy for them, finding their place in the world is not. On the outside they come across as tough, mysterious, and unable to be broken, but inside they are actually quite fragile and complex. .... members of this sign are old souls who carry with them a deep wisdom that allows them to understand human nature. They inherently know what people want, which is why they are often so successful. ....spend a great deal of their time and energy pursuing their goals, and are almost always alone or leading a group. Those who do get to know them well discover that they are extremely loyal to their friends and actually have a surprisingly great (and shocking) sense of humor. When they relax they can be the surprise hit of the party.” (The Old man in a nutshell, for the most part)

Warriors August 14, 2014 -> Leo + Horse = Hyena “members of this sign strongly prefer to spend time in large groups of friends and families. ... very strong-willed sign with the ability to follow through on their promises and take what is theirs when necessary. .... have an easy charm about them that draws other people in. ... great at taking charge of situations, and are by far most comfortable when they are in charge. .... main weakness of Hyenas is their tendency to be self-centered. .... are highly likable, and tend to only conflict with others who challenge their social leadership. Even in social groups where everyone is equal, Hyenas tend to become the de facto leaders of the group simply because of their ease and charm.” (The Captain in a nutshell. ‘nough said.)

Wild March 3, 2017 -> Pisces + Rooster = Ocelot “keep others at a distance. ... don’t really want confrontation.... (but) enjoy the company of others quite a bit. They sometimes isolate themselves because it is the easiest, and sometimes the only, way to fully harness their immense creative power. .... can get things done, but in their own unique, visionary style. They truly don’t need others to succeed, but can benefit quite a bit from connecting to people in the real world. ... like to be inspired by new surroundings and new adventures.”

(I don’t completely agree with the keep others at a distance and they make a big front to do so, but one thing is that Wild’s personality can differ depending on the player’s play style, so I guess this may fit in some interpretations.)

Wind December 13, 2002 -> Sagittarius + Horse = Dove “Independent, energetic, and adventurous, .... love life and long for new experiences. ... always looking forward; they rarely dwell on the past. ... often restless, which can lead them to take risks in life. .... seem lucky because they are so optimistic. Even when they are feeling down, those born under this sign always manage to get back on track. They believe that they can have whatever they want if they work hard for it, and they are almost always right. .... They have tons of energy and never want to stop moving, which ironically causes them to miss out on many of life’s more subtle experiences. .... they are spirited, independent and have a tendency to speak bluntly, but they also have big hearts, great senses of humor, and a unique philosophy about life.” (he is a sailor and an explorer for new land, I do see Wind never wanting to stop moving)

Ones I’m not sure:

Sky

November 18, 2011 -> Scorpio + Rabbit = Koala “Emotional, powerful, and intense, .... It’s not that they are putting up a false front, it’s that they are trying to keep their tornado of emotions safely inside themselves. .... can seem harmless from a distance, but can be quite defensive if provoked or approached without caution. .... A tendency of this sign is to use passive aggression and subtle manipulation to get what they want. While they try their hardest to be convincing, they can’t help but wear their emotions on their sleeves. .... Koalas are deeply emotional, and on top of that they have a way of burying their feelings to keep them secret, even to themselves. .... When in their element, these individuals are surprisingly sweet, loving, caring, and even funny.” (I see Sky being sweet as his default emotion, that isn’t a surprising element of his personality. This description had a more negative connotation with the word “emotional” than positive for me. But if you look at it in a different angle, he may harbor some passive aggression.)

Four

November 4, 2004 -> Scorpio + Monkey = Raven

“ Strong, curious, and energetic, ... deepest desire is to overcome the odds, to triumph, and to prove themselves to the world. .... difficult to pin down. .... the Raven Spirit was considered a trickster - a sly and cunning individual who would often get what they wanted, or otherwise entertain themselves, through the intellectual manipulation of others. Powerful and unpredictable .... highly developed senses of humor... Loyal, gregarious, and funny, Ravens can be the life of the party or they can be self-absorbed, competitive, and negative. ... prefer to be big fish in a small pond, getting their fix of attention from those who know and understand them best.”

(Hmmm, Four is a difficult person to pin down his personality, he does have four separate ones if he wishes to use the ability of the Four Sword. Cunning, yes he is, but intellectual manipulation of others for his amusement? that sounds more like Shadow. Then again, Shadow did kinda come from Four...)

Twilight

November 19, 2006 -> Scorpio + Dog = Octopus

“Loyal, ambitious, and intense, ... prefer to deal in facts rather than emotions. ... can be fairly anti-social. To be more specific, they tend to be uncomfortable in most social situations. ... prefer time alone or with a couple of their closest friends with whom they share a great deal of the same ideals. .... The mind ... is both complex and contradictory. They are part rebel but part people-pleaser. They have deep reserves of inner strength but become nervous and uncertain at the slightest glitch in the plan.They are passive while temperamental, honest while secretive, .... internalize their negative feelings rather than expel them into the world, .... value loyalty, honor, and work ethic above all else. They often have difficulty creating their own happiness, mostly because they prioritize things like pride and power over peace and serenity. Always hardest on themselves... Socializing is not their strong suit,...”

(Socializing not being his strong suit? Anti-social? I don’t see it. Twilight is very good with children. You need to be able to do socializing to have smaller children adore you, like how the Ordon children adores Twilight in the game. Not emotional? Twilight is pretty emotional, I mean look at his expressions in TP!)

Those are my opinions. What do you guys think? (you can click the underlined hyperlinks to see the full profile for each sign)

#Primal Zodiac Signs #lu #linked universe #linkeduniverse #loz #which zodiac signs are each Links?#some fit some don't imo #click on the hyperlinks to see full profile of each sign

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tsushimanoonryo · 4 years ago

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Character Solidifying pt. 2

The second half of this.

26. What does your character’s home look like? Personal taste? Clothing? Hair? Appearance?

The Dawn Refuge is pretty run-down. It’s a shack that Jin has repurposed into a safe house. However, he does his best to keep it liveable. He keeps a number of sentimental items there, and each item has its own place. As for his personal appearance, he tries to maintain a certain level of cleanliness. He’s always going to be covered in mud, sweat, and blood, but he does his best to bathe as often as he can. Whenever his clothing starts to get frayed, he’ll patronize someone at a local village to mend it. He always keeps his armored oiled, lacquered, and ready for battle. He’ll try to shave when he can and he keeps his hair pulled back in a haphazard bun so it isn’t in his face. He certainly doesn’t look like a lord anymore, but he maintains a sense of nobility in his demeanor and personal hygiene.

27. How do they relate to their appearance? How do they wear their clothing? Style? Quality?

He prizes functionality over form these days. He will try to personalize when he can, but it is never as ostentatious as it was when he was Lord Sakai. What he wears is very similar to the peasants of Tsushima because he needs to blend in with them to a point. Can’t have the Shogun’s men or the Khan’s stragglers recognizing him on sight.

28. Who is your character’s mate? How do they relate to him or her? How did they make their choice?

Canonically, no one. In my heart (and Jin’s), it’s Yuna. He literally would not be alive because of her. She saved his life on three separate occasions and is responsible for the legend of The Ghost. She is a thief, true, but she’s a survivor. Jin respects her so much and has learned a great deal from her. He would give his life for the people of Tsushima, and he would give his life for her especially. Neither has blood relations any more, but Jin considers Yuna to be closer than family. He would do anything she asked of him, including running away from all this. All she has to do is ask. She won’t, though, which is why he loves her so much. She understands and accepts his drive to protect his people. He trusts her with everything and would die for her sake.

29. What is your character’s weaknesses? Hubris? Pride? Controlling?

His weakness is also his strength: Jin feels everything. He is ruled by his emotions. This is a good and bad thing. He cares very deeply and will fight hard because of it. But he also can sometimes let his emotions overwhelm him. This leads to stupid things like trying to fight the Khan alone on a bridge with broken armor. He’s getting better at using his emotions as a tool, but he still can sometimes let them overwhelm him.

30. Are they holding on to something in the past? Can he or she forgive?

He’s holding on to a lot of guilt and regret. Pretty much everyone he loves died. Some by his own hand, some because of mistakes he’s made. He will always feel like he could have done more for his father, even though logically he knows he was still a child and probably would have died had he tried to come to his aide. Killing Ryuzo was a result of Ryuzo’s pride and unwillingness to work with Jin, but he still hates that he had to do it. And his uncle asked to be killed, and honoring that wish was the hardest thing he ever had to do in his life. In idle moments, Jin replays these scenes and scans his memory for anything he might have done for these outcomes to have ended differently. He’s yet to come up with anything.

31. Does your character have children? How do they feel about their parental role? About the children? How do the children relate?

He does not. He’s never had a strong desire to be a parent. Rather, he wanted to pass on his family name (through either the Sakai or Shimura line) and ensure the survival of his clan. However, that is no longer an option. Sometimes, in his weaker moments, he imagines running off with Yuna to the mainland to start a family and disappear into anonymity, but he would never actually do it. The guilt for abandoning his people would nag at him for the rest of his life. So he probably won’t ever have children of his own. The closest he will get to ever being a parent is being a role model for aimless young men who want to join in The Ghost’s fight. He wouldn’t quite be comfortable with it, but he would do his best to guide them when the time comes.

32. How does your character react to stress situations? Defensively? Aggressively? Evasively?

He tries to remain stoic outwardly, but inwardly he is a storm of emotions. Worry, anger, fear, regret… Just a big mess. However, he will try to channel these emotions into finding a solution to the cause of his stress. He will try to face everything head-on and, failing that, will come at it from a different angle. Anything to find a solution and return to inner peace. If it doesn’t work out, he’ll doggedly try again until he either solves the problem or runs out of options.

33. Do they drink? Take drugs? What about their health?

He doesn’t drink heavily, but one of his close friends is a sake merchant who has no problem letting him sample his wares for free. Aside from regularly taking a beating and getting hurt with swords, arrows, and bombs, his health is relatively okay. He’s survived multiple situations that should have killed him, so his constitution is pretty strong.

34. Does your character feel self-righteous? Revengeful? Contemptuous?

He’s basically a medieval Japanese Batman. He knows what he is doing is right, but he’s frustrated at the powers that be for not listening to him in regards to fighting the Mongols. He’s also got a (not so) healthy dose of vengeance making up his driving force. He tries to keep it in check, but a part of him does enjoy being The Ghost.

35. Do they always rationalize errors? How do they accept disasters and failures?

Jin does not handle his own failure well at all. He’ll silently agonize over it and keep himself up with guilt and regret. He’s much better at dealing with the failure of others. In that case, he’ll just get extremely annoyed and fix it himself. He holds himself to a much higher standard than everyone else.

36. Do they like to suffer? Like to see other people suffering?

Absolutely not. Jin can’t abide anyone suffering. Unless they’re a Mongol. Even then, he wants to know they suffered, but doesn’t want to watch it.

37. How is your character’s imagination? Daydreaming a lot? Worried most of the time? Living in memories?

Jin spends a lot of time in his own memories. He is constantly reliving his past to see if there’s anything at all he could have done to change the outcome or learn from his mistakes. He is constantly trying to glean any insights from the lessons of his past.

38. Are they basically negative when facing new things? Suspicious? Hostile? Scared? Enthusiastic?

Jin tries to keep an open mind when facing new things. He is guarded until he sees how things are going to turn out, but he isn’t going to be afraid to try a new way of doing things. Jin’s not so arrogant that he doesn’t realize someone else’s way of doing things might not be better than his.

39. What do they like to ridicule? What do they find stupid?

He doesn’t like to ridicule anyone or anything. However, he does find a lot of things stupid. He hates when people are so blinded by tradition or their own sense of self-importance that they won’t even consider that they might be wrong. He thinks that is the most ignorant, foolish way to live.

40. How is their sense of humor? Do they have one?

Jin has a great sense of humor under the right circumstances. When he doesn’t have the weight of saving all of Japan from the Mongols on his shoulders, he likes to cut loose. He does know how to have a good time. It’s just that he hasn’t been having a very good time as of late.

41. Is your character aware of who they are? Strengths? Weaknesses? Idiosyncrasies? Capable of self-irony?

He is very aware of who he is. Growing up, no one ever let him forget he was the jito’s nephew. Now that he’s distanced himself from that, no one lets him forget that he is The Ghost. However, he does still feel some insecurities over how well suited he is to these different mantles. He knows his own strengths, but he is hyper aware of his weaknesses too. He will sometimes try to joke about them, but it belies a very real sense of disappointment in himself.

42. What does your character want most? What do they need really badly, compulsively? What are they willing to do, to sacrifice, to obtain?

A god damn nap. But on a more serious note, he mostly wants a family and sense of belonging. He also wants very badly to not disappoint the people he loves best. They all want different things from him and he wants to be able to deliver on all fronts. He will run himself ragged trying to do so, sacrificing his own happiness at times so that his loved ones can be happy.

43. Does your character have any secrets? If so, are they holding them back?

Jin is sort of bad at keeping secrets. For example: everyone fucking knows he’s The Ghost. He tends to wear his heart on his sleeve and is a bad liar, so he doesn’t keep a lot of secrets.

44. How badly do they want to obtain their life objectives? How do they pursue them?

Badly enough to be declared a traitor to the Shogun. He wants to live by his own personal code of honor, helping those who cannot help themselves, so he’ll do whatever it takes to achieve this. Even if it means going against hundreds of years of tradition or using underhanded tactics. If it means more people will survive and be safe, Jin will do it.

45. Is your character pragmatic? Think first? Responsible? All action? A visionary? Passionate? Quixotic?

Jin feels responsible for everyone and everything. He is extremely reliable. If there’s even the tiniest chance he can take care of something, he’ll promise to do it and he’ll get it done. He would like to think that he is pragmatic, as that is how his uncle raised him to be, but Jin is quite emotional. He just hides it very well. He is a man of action, but he doesn’t rush into things half-cocked anymore. He’ll sit and strategize, trying to find the best plan of attack that will have the least amount of fallout damage.

46. Is your character tall? Short? What about size? Weight? Posture? How do they feel about their physical body?

Jin is short by modern standards, standing at only 5’2’’. However, that was on the tallish side for men in feudal Japan. He has a lithe, muscular build and he carries himself with the poise and dignity required of a samurai. He is quite proud of his body, less for how it looks and more for how powerful it is. He’s accomplished numerous feats of physical prowess, including surviving things that should have killed him. So yes. He’s proud of what his body has been through and what it can do. It just also happens to look nice.

47. Do they want to project an image of a younger, older, more important person? Do they want to be visible or invisible?

When he was younger, he wanted people to notice him. He wanted them to see him as a brave warrior because he thought that might make him feel less guilt about watching his father die and doing nothing. However, he’s done a complete 180. He wants to blend in and remain unseen. This way, he can work more efficiently. Of course, everyone knows he’s The Ghost, but it’s the principle of the matter. He’s not going to draw any extra attention to himself if he doesn’t have to.

48. How are your character’s gestures? Vigorous? Weak? Controlled? Compulsive? Energetic? Sluggish?

Very restrained. He generally does not use his hands when he talks and he tries to keep his face neutral save for when he is out carousing. But he rarely ever does that anymore.

49. What about voice? Pitch? Strength? Tempo and rhythm of speech? Pronunciation? Accent?

He’s got a soft, gentle voice. Most people don’t expect that from The Ghost. It’s smooth, like brandy. He was schooled in proper speech and grammar ever since he was a child, so you wouldn’t notice anything other than eloquence from him. When he’s speaking English in the yakuza verse, he speaks with a Japanese accent. It isn’t heavily accented, English, however; you’re not going to have trouble understanding him.

50. What are the prevailing facial expressions? Sour? Cheerful? Dominating?

Jin has trained himself to keep a neutral face for most of the time. However, he isn’t always great at hiding his emotions. He’ll frown and furrow his brow quite a bit when he’s unhappy. He rarely smiles with his teeth, but he does smile. It’s just very restrained. My boy needs to loosen up.

#headcanons #headcanon #jin sakai #jin sakai rp #ghost of tsushima #ghost of tsushima rp

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mindfulnesslearnhealthylife-blog · 4 years ago

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Things You Need To Do To Be Content.

FPractice self-careListen to your inner voiceCount your blessingsStay patientTake a deep breathGo for minimizationSay no to comparisonDevelop acceptance for what you can't change

As a generation, we perceive our happiness in materialistic possessions.

It's not what I do believe; you can feel it yourself. For instance, look at the media.

It is consistently promoting luxury products as a necessity.

Whereas, these items are just an illusion that dissipates as soon as you receive your hands on it without bringing the true satisfaction and happiness.

Therefore, it is vital to know what real contentment is and how you may be contented without even having the so-called luxuries.

What does it mean to be content?

Contentment is just a state of satisfaction and happiness with the easy things in life. I'd like to use it in simpler words.

It means to be grateful for that which you have.

Investing in a new car is definitely exciting, but this feeling doesn't last forever.

After months or years, you would like to have another latest model car parked on your own porch.

This feeling of excitement mounted on the newer and better things does never end.

Consequently, your happiness is definitely fluctuating.

Contrary to this idea, being quite happy with little things- irrespective of how old or new they are, generate the long-lasting satisfaction of your soul.

There is an ironic notion of the concept of contentment.

People often confuse content and success.

They fear that being content will mean no success in life.

Because they believe when they reach the contentment, they do not have to strive for better things.

I beg to differ here!

Being content doesn't mean to turn into a deadbeat with zero motivation and ambitions.

Actually, being content makes life more prosperous.

It intends an attitude to involve yourself in activities that offer joy and, at the same time frame, give meaning to your goals.

People who are quite happy with life also have something to anticipate every day.

They've an intention in their lives.

They are not only goofing around aimlessly.

To be satisfied, you need to have certain aims and have to work to achieve your target.

Like, your goal can be as simple as helping stray animals.

This may need you to provide them with shelter, food and care.

In this way, your aim will motivate you to escape bed every morning, look for the stray animals.

Put them beneath the supervision and feel content by the end of the day.

How Can I feel Content?

Although feeling content isn't exactly easy, but it is possible.

Should you desire your life were different, then that's a sign of desiring contentment.

Three items that can assist you to achieve it include acceptance, patience and gratitude.

Satisfaction with life can perform amazing things in most facets of our lives.

That's why you need to find out just how to be contented with little things of life.

Here is the small guide about the items you can practice healthy lifestyle if you are content in life:

Stay glued to your values

What do values mean? Your values are that which you worry about the absolute most in life.

Values drive you towards your goals.

They motivate you, along with calm you down and eventually cause you to grateful.

As soon as your thoughts and actions are in sync together with your values, you are more authentic, which ultimately teaches you the art to be content.

If you are not sure about your values, remember what make you are feeling passionate, motivated and fulfilled.

I'm not wrong in saying that we are more inclined to plan our future than to enjoy our present.

We imagine ourselves to be happier, healthier and slimmer in the coming days. Don't you?

However, the only option you've is always to take action to achieve your future goal.

Taking action means practicing self-care first.

Prioritise your quality of life and wealth to fulfil your dreams.

A healthier mind, body and soul can get you to places.

But to be quite happy with that which you have, you will need to begin watching yourself.

Your nourishment from both inside and outside will simply aid you in attaining a grateful personality.

Self-awareness is a part of self-care.

A self-aware person can pay attention to their gut, which enables them to acknowledge what's in their mind and heart.

It's their inner voice that informs you what matters for you the most.

Your gut is never a liar.

When something doesn't feel right, almost certainly, it isn't.

By trusting your instincts, you make better decisions that positively influence your life.

You should be considering how.

It's simple!

Start practicing activities and surround yourself with the people who make your soul happy and cause you to content.

The best way to get at contentment is by counting your blessings.

Whenever you feel unhappy about not having something, take time to be grateful for the right things.

All you have to to accomplish is think on your life.

It'll divert your attention from what there isn't from what you do have and brings positivity and feelings of contentment.

Anyone patient is somewhat quite happy with his life.

Patience is the capability to stay calm and let things unfold at the right time.

You wait calmly in the face of adversity.

In the event that you practice patience, you will observe that you possess everything to be quite happy with your life.

Many of us are hustling in life to get a very important factor or another…don't you?

This often worn us out, but we keep on going because this is life.

Here's an advice from my side; pause for a minute…have a deep breath and smile!

Taking time and energy to breathe allows you to appreciate the items around you and be grateful.

Possess less achieve more!

Got the idea of what I'm discussing? No? I'd like to elaborate.

Minimization means to have less and possess what are only necessary to lead a pleased life without the fear of losing.

The minimalist lifestyle is to lessen materialistic possessions and learn to enjoy little things in life which come free from cost.

It could include happiness, contentment and confidence.

Minimization is not only getting rid of the unwanted things.

Additionally it involves staying far from toxic relationships, people and situations.

This is one way going for a simple lifestyle sets you mentally-free and helps you are feeling contented with life.

You can never have a peaceful life unless you stop comparing yourself with others.

Comparing your life with others goes far from contentment.

There can be individuals who have better possessions.

Don't you believe we always compare our weaknesses with the very best assumptions we make about others?

I am talking about, you see your friend's new car, but you may not find out about the sleepless nights they have spent to achieve that car.

Therefore, in place of comparison, you need to spend time recognizing your blessings and potential.

Everyone is established uniquely; the only requirement is self-acceptance and self-recognition.

An individual will be alert to everything you already possess, you will automatically start accepting yourself.

You'll learn how to value your personality, time, possessions and relations of your life.

Acceptance would be to take things and situations as they are without the judgment and bias.

Clouded thoughts about yourself lead one to rejection of yourself.

It only triggers one to seek things that are far away.

So, have a minute and think where these thoughts are coming from.

You'll realize the possible lack of self-compassion and perceived inadequacy and failure is drowning you from your personal self.

Hence, you need to ask yourself what's more important, accepting and appreciating everything you are or hoping to get something thing that is too far away.

It is also essential to notice this doesn't mean you need to accept everything that is thrown at you because you're practicing self-acceptance.

However, acceptance means not to push the best things because you may not like them.

The Bottom line to being content

It is now safe to state that being content can never be your destination.

Contentment is a lifelong procedure for growth.

It requires you to help keep a continuous check on yourself to really have the reassurance and soul.

In a nutshell, contentment isn't being contented together with your present situation in life and do not have a desire to boost it.

It is a matter to be grateful for everything you have, but understanding that as an individual, you will always have to work for improvement.

If you should be not up for the improvement, it simply means you've given up on your life.

It's also advisable to understand that nobody, and I repeat, nobody will help you are feeling content until you put effort into yourself. So, start appreciating the simpler things in life that give joy and peace of mind.

It'll boost your physical and mental well-being, providing greater strength and energy to pursue the things you cherish.

#healthy lifestyle

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9uk · 6 years ago

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Let Me Stay Close To You part: 4

⌲ summary : you were finally free from the worst nightmare of your life in high school. the doors of college welcomed you with open arms, you were set on living your best life in here, away from the toxicity back at home. that shimmer of hope in restoring your life, was somehow effortlessly crushed by a tap on your shoulder. “Hey Y/N, why don’t you say we catch up for a moment?”

⌲ pairing : bully!jungkook x reader

⌲ word count : 5.2k

⌲ genre: a cup of weird fluff, a tablespoon of bitter angst

⌲ warnings : mentions of abuse, wrestling in bed & almost dying (strange combination, i know.)

⌲ a/n : hoho sorry for being late, and boring as well, for always ending with a cliffhanging dialogue, but hey. it’s merely a type of means to keep you guys sticking around ;> all in all, enjoy while i prepare for the amount of hate coming into my inbox for this. and hv a feeling many of you will drop this series after this chapter ;;;

part three > part four > part five

The hallways of this mansion seemed to never end.

Running as fast as your legs could take you, your heavy boots stomping hardly on the red carpet and wooden flooring with every step in your sprint. As you feel the exhaustion take over your legs, breath beginning to quicken, your eyes lay on the second room on the right of this hallway you have turned into. You’re not too sure if you have been in this one before, because this hallway seemed to be a little less well-lit, that you sharply took note of amidst your frantic dashing. They all looked the same anyways—his mansion was an enormous labyrinth. You can hear the distant sound of his footsteps, hunting your running form down, causing the thudding sound of your frightened heart to streamline its way to your ears, interrupting your hearing with heavy thumps like a staccato of a hummingbird’s wings. You have to hide now. Your run casually slows to a small jog as you twist the doorknob of the second room on your right, opening it and slamming it shut behind you. You closed your eyes and steadied your breaths, before making your way to find a suitable place in this rather large bedroom to conceal yourself from him.

This room was strange. It was dark. You noticed it was particularly different from all the other rooms as you walked further in, looking at the features of within its four walls under the faint moonlight that shone through the thin curtains. This one had Ironman theme bedsheets, toy cars scattered across the floor, and a game console on the table. It was like someone, was occupying and living in this room. And this definitely wasn’t his room.

Your initial fear of being found had been replaced instantly as you reverse your steps backwards, eyes witnessing even more evidence that this room indeed, belonged to somebody else. Someone you have never known of, despite your frequent visits in this house. As the darkness of the whole room engulfs you, and the slight movement of the rocking chair at the corner as the breeze from outside blew into the creepy room, you almost felt like screaming. Tears almost spilling out with trepidation, you swiftly turned to escape from this scary room.

“You’re leaving…?” A hand tugs at your wrist and you stood rooted to the ground, horrified. The fingers encased tightly around your wrist were icy and filled with desperation.

You were too caught up with observing the furnitures of the room, that you failed to notice and realise the boy quietly and stationarily located at the side of the bed, who has now stood up to stop you from leaving.

Intimidated, you carefully turn on your heel to face him. The boy stood around your height, his black fringe hung loosely on his forehead, the ends of it hiding his dark eyes. He looked rather pale with his chapped lips and skinny frame, cuts and bruises littered across his forearms and legs. You had never seen him around in this house before, not that you’ve encountered before. He almost looked like a ghost, but you knew he wasn’t. He was real and he was badly hurt, in need of help. Was he trapped here or something?

“D-Don’t leave..me,” He starts begging, “please.” His cheeks was now glistened with streaks of tears as he tugs on your arm with even more strength.

Here you were, in anatomy again, this time without anyone sitting beside you and basking in the comfort of having this whole space at the back to yourself. One thing you liked about situating at the back of this hall, was that it was a few shades darker than the rows in the front. Though it wasn’t completely pitch-black like you wished, the lack of lighting was more than enough to appease your nocturnal self and accompanied by the bright light of your laptop screen—a perfect environment to concentrate on the lesson beforehand.

Until the lecturer walked into class, followed by Jungkook, who still has his airpods stuffed in his ears. He didn’t give a damn—not now, and never before. His presence ignited a few giggles and teasing between a few girls at the front and you weren’t even one bit surprised.

You were thrown back to last Monday when he sent you home, saying he’ll see you around—you mean of course, the both of you were definitely going to see each other around, not until this whole tedious project on the structure of the human body was completed. He eyes the empty seat beside you and scurries to your side, only to come face to face with your pink stubborn bag taking up his place.

Jungkook is so tempted to grab your stupid backpack and fling it down the steps, to then plummet down on the seat with ease—but he knows he shouldn’t, he wouldn’t, and he couldn’t treat you in that manner anymore.

You weren’t letting up either, placing your undivided attention on the screen of slides in the front of the lecture hall. Disregarding his existence entirely.

Was he supposed to ask you to move your bag?

“Uh, I want to sit here.” He realised that that, wasn’t asking. It came out more like a demand.

He could easily spare the effort and sit somewhere else, somewhere with those girls at the front who’d loved to have him there—but Jungkook actually tried asking if he could sit there, and if you would move your bag for him.

You almost let a laugh slip out as the words come out of his mouth. Jeon Jungkook actually seeking your permission. Moving your bag to your lap, he smiles and occupies the seat, muttering a barely audible ‘Thank you’ and you shake your head in utter disbelief. This was too much to bear. He was being suspiciously too nice for your liking. But it was a great change and you weren’t complaining. It turns out that you too, had many questions for him. You don’t even recognise him now.

The class passes by smoothly, without Jungkook laying a finger on you or speaking a word.

Instead, you could sense the way he shook his legs abnormally faster, the way his fingers were clasping onto the pen like a vice grip, and the occasional hard clenching of his jaw.

He looked like he was struggling with some kind of inner conflict, wanting to so badly untangle the dead knots of ambivalence towards something. You choose to close one eye to what you noticed about him, reminding yourself to 1. Stop staring at Jungkook like that. and 2. Get Jungkook out your mind and life. You don’t think you are emotionally stable enough to handle another catastrophe rolling into your life like a giant boulder down a steep slope.

The screen of your phone lights up and you pick it up, reading the incoming texts from Sooyoung.

[10:39] Sooyoungie : will be staying over at sungjae’s today

[10:40] Sooyoungie : feel free to bring that kook guy home!!!

[10:40] Sooyoungie : o and rmb to stay safe & use a condom ;)

Your eyes grew wide at her wild insinuation, mouth opening wide before turning into a soft giggle at her messages. As if he was interested in why you had a silly grin plastered onto your face, you can feel Jungkook leaning his head closer to you as you’re typing, trying to peer at your conversation with your friend. What was he being so intrusive for? You quickly type out a reply, before clearing your throat—causing him to return to his initial form casually, spinning his pen like he didn’t just try to look at your phone.

“Who were you texting?” He questions with an unimpressed tone.

You turn to look at him, confused for a second. You almost wanted to throw an ‘Is that any of your business’ to his damn cocky face but for peace’s sake, “My friend.”

Jungkook genuinely feels this burning desire to know the gender and name of your friend, but he chooses to not pursue anything so that he doesn’t seem like he was more than necessarily interested in who you were talking to. Or in your life, generally.

It was until everyone started packing their belongings to head for the exit of the hall, that Jungkook’s hand flies at the speed of light to grip your wrist as you turn to leave. Your arm jerks slightly, turning to face him with wide eyes of shock.

“Can we talk?” Jungkook looks at you with pleading eyes, somewhat afraid of your possible objection. You are hyperaware of the touch of his fingers grazing against your skin, feeling a shimmer of light flashing through your heart as the electricity of the skin contact flows through your veins. Looking at his fingers encased around the small of your wrist, you blink, stiff arm relaxing in his grasp and pulses settling in aftershock. When you give your silence as consent, he quickly suggests and releases his hold.

“Let’s go outside, there might be a class coming in.”

“No, there aren’t any classes conducted here until 4,” You hurriedly provide him with a reason to stay. You didn’t wish to be seen with Jungkook outside—especially by your friends or anyone else—because the last thing you wanted was for the obsessive girls to throw bitter looks at you, or his friends to check out the girl he was talking to—for the bad light to be shined on you. Hard pill to swallow, but you were still the old you who cared a lot about what people thought of you, just that you don’t express how bothered you are from it well.

Where was Namjoon? He rarely skips lectures.

Jungkook doesn’t open his mouth, eyes shifting everywhere but your own, with arms crossed tightly like he was protecting himself from something—to actually show how uncomfortable he was feeling. The lights in the lecture hall slowly dims to a low light due to the lack of motion in its sensor, but you could still make out the outlines of everything around you—and the Jungkook right in front of you was now looking to the ground, shaking. His breathing starts becoming ragged, and his chest begins heaving up and down rapidly like he was short of oxygen and you instinctively reach out to him.

“Jungkook, are you okay?” You gently place your hands on his shoulders, which were tensed to the brim. He explodes all of a sudden, slapping your hand away so harshly that he stumbles a few steps backwards, causing you to involuntarily squeak in surprise. His brows are knitted to the center, eyes burning with rage and jaw screwed tight.

“I fucking said to go outside!” He yells through gritted teeth, voice rough and boiling in infuriation.

He doesn’t do anything to you, despite the privacy given to the both of you in this empty room—he only busts out of there, leaving you to follow behind like a helpless duckling.

Jungkook has his hands on his hips, the same gaze trained onto the concrete ground, but this time he is slowing his erratic breathing, focusing on calming himself down. Your mind is a blank, as you backpedal to what you had said earlier on to him, searching for anything offensive or rebelling—ah, right. You didn’t comply to his request of having the chat outside. Half of you thinks that you did nothing wrong, that insisting on staying in there was perfectly reasonable, but the other half is telling you that he was being polite enough already, and you were being a stubborn bitch intentionally poking at his buttons you knew best you shouldn’t even touch.

He cools down at last, turning around to face you—who is currently toying with your own fingers in nervousness.

“Are you free right now?” Jungkook steps closer to you once he is out of his fit.

You stumble on your words at the change in his demeanour. “U-Uh, I’m-I’m free.. erm, until-wait I mean the whole day I have nothing-“

“Then great,” Jungkook already heard what he needs to know, “let’s go to your dorm to do this project.” You open your mouth to retort, “But-“ But your words are sucked back in when you remember how he shouted at you back in there. Jungkook challenges you with a lift of his brow, anticipating the excuse that wasn’t going to work on him. “-okay.” You let out a breath you didn’t realise you had been holding.

The journey to your place is quiet and the tension in the air is thick. You did not want to say anything stupid to rile Jungkook up—for the second time of the day—Well, you never did in the past (except for once, and it did not end up well as clearly stated on your forehead) so you should remain as it is in the present. You shove your earpiece in, drowning yourself in soothing melodies away from this eventful day, preparing for more that was bound to happen later on. It was no doubt that Jeon Jungkook never failed to make your life as interesting as ever. You were tailing behind Jungkook, and he looks back to you to make sure you were tagging along. He shoots you an unreadable expression at you harmlessly listening to music, before facing front again. What.

Reaching the lift lobby, a word hasn’t left his lips yet. You never knew he could actually keep this quiet. If only he put that skill to good use back in high school. Yet.

“Tell me there isn’t anyone in your dorm.” He says, as if he was planning to do something to you. In your own fucking dorm.

“There isn’t anyone in my dorm,” You submit to his request this time.

He nods in approval and the lift doors open.

You are startled when the platform of the lift slightly sinks as you step foot into it, weight pushing it down. It further descends when Jungkook enters, but is able to barely support the both of your weights, starting to rise as you press the button of your floor.

This was strange, the lift had never acted this way before.

And just when the unsettling doubt is pushed to the back of your mind, it fully pops out again—

“What the fuck!”

“AHHHHH!”

You can hear something akin to a metal clanking and a harsh snap of a wire, legs weak from how fast this small box you and Jungkook were confined in had just speedily went down. The elevator abruptly jerks to a stop, sending the both of you crashing onto the ground. The lights and ventilation dies out. You assumed the two of you were currently dangling on the edge of death —because once this thing falls to the very bottom, the both of you were fucked. As well as your corpses.

But it grows to be the least of your worries when you see Jungkook at the opposite corner, crouching his smallest and hands covering his ears in fear. Maybe it was because you had always wanted to die the second you knew how to communicate with the world, but you weren’t as afraid as he was at the moment. Maybe pampered kids never encountered incidents like these before with their luxurious high-end elevators.

Nonetheless you carefully creep to his side, making sure to not cause a sudden tilt shift in the lift.

The darkness may have engulfed the entirety of the lift capsule, but you can tell how white Jungkook’s face has gotten. He is trembling harder than the cranky washing machine you used to own, the ends of his dark fringe damp with cold sweat and he is softly crying out murmurs of pleas. For as long as you known him, Jungkook never shows his weak side to anyone. Everybody saw him as a buff and dashing successful athlete, rich, powerful and perfect. And here you were, witnessing him curled up in the corner of a lift, on the brink of tears.

You are taken aback by the entire situation, too many things were happening at once for you to handle. You could feel your heartbeat practically punching at your ears as anxiousness got the better of you. Panicking, you try your best to get the first thing done, and that is to comfort Jungkook out of his traumatised state. Normally you would ring the alarm, but you’re afraid it would send his trepidation spiralling.

“Jungkook..” You attempt to call out his name in the most delicate manner, scared of his outburst.

He was like a ticking bomb, waiting to go off any time and you don’t even dare touch a fibre of it.

He doesn’t respond, only shaking his head and letting out pained whimpers.

Tears are rapidly forming in your eyes and you forcefully suck them back in.

Now’s definitely not the time to have a freaking breakdown, Y/N!

You needed to get a proper hold of these distressing emotions.

“Jungkook, I’m here.” You had honestly no idea why you said that to him in efforts to comfort him— you were always the cause of his uncontrolled fiery temper, and you’re not too sure if your presence will bring him comfort in any way possible.

“Out..” You could hear how badly he was quivering from his shaky voice, soft and weak. You have never seen him this afraid before—and part of your heart aches for him.

Without him having said another word, you find his hand and lightly holds it with assurance. His palms were covered in a sheen of cold sweat, and you thought it was drained of all energy from how limp it felt. It was probably too stuffy for him in here. Did he suffer from claustrophobia? Your questions could wait, because your main priority at hand was to get this guy to stop trembling.

But all you could do when he is frightened stiff and feels alone, was to make your presence known. That somebody was here for him.

You reach for his elbows, in attempt to soothe him with physical contact—only for him to shrug your hand away with full strength, like you’ve touched an open wound. “Please..!” He cries out, “N-No more.. I beg of you!”

Jungkook is now sobbing, in his fullest vulnerability—like he has given up on fighting the demons in his head, succumbing to every one of them. He was paralysed with fear, never leaving the solace of that corner.

You resort to none other than the last plan, hand slamming hard on the red button of the panel.

He jumps in surprise at the blaring sound, and groans loudly in annoyance. You rush to his side again, the lift teetering on the edge of splitting from the measly grasps of the wires.

He was having spasms now, mind oversensitive and body overly reactive to the blasting shrills of the alarm. There was no point trying to talk him out of this seizure, so you spat a ‘fuck it’ under your breath, and to your better senses—you boldly wrapped your arms around the crying boy. He struggled in your hold, trying to wriggle his way out of your persistent arm cage, but only to fail as you bring him closer to your chest and caressed the back of his head with a rhythmic pace for him to focus on and calm down. You hugged his quaking form securely, hoping it feeds him with some sort of reassurance, till he quits shivering in fear. You can feel Jungkook leaning into your embrace, his hand coming out to hold you by the waist like a baby koala.

“It’s okay. Everything’s alright.” You assure him as you stare at the opening of the lift with worry.

Jungkook was still chasing his own breath, eyes shut tight as he tries to relax in your arms and absorbs the warmth you radiated to save his icicle-stabbed heart. Your body smelt like the familiar wild berries and white violets—a scent he recognises and is quite accustomed to—which guides him back to reality as he inhales more of you. It was there to tell him that he no longer lived in the terrifying past, and he is currently free of all the torture back then.

His eyes fly open. The only thing he sees is your arms circled around him, the softness of your breasts cushioning his lower cheek and the curve of your waist on his hands. Strangely, Jungkook wants to stay in this comfortable position for a while longer. It felt nice to be hugged like that, with a hand stroking his disheveled hair with utmost care. Noises and muffled shouts can be heard from the outside of the stuck doors, and Jungkook slowly, reluctantly abandon the comfort of your arms.

He feels humiliation seeping in when he immediately misses your cradling like a baby, but he opts to observe the look on your face. You were exhausted from doing so much all at once—from trying to pacify his wailing ass, to managing your own composure to finally successfully seek help from being near the margin of death.

When the both of you were safely rescued out, finally seeing light, your mind goes off to wonder about the way Jungkook acted back in there. He looked like something was in control of him, beating his incapacitated self to pulp. Wiping the beads of perspiration off your forehead, you walk over to his worn out form, sitting by the stairs of the lobby.

“Are you feeling better?” You sit beside him, hands rubbing the ball of your knees.

Everyone had fears. Even the tough-looking Jungkook did, and he was completely overthrown by the traumatising accident. Sadly, he was one of your fears.

Thus it felt extremely conventional to see the powerless side of him. And to be fair, Jungkook had been treating you like an ordinary person but not some garbage bag by the dumpster. To that, you can’t help but feel a pinch of gratitude swelling in the pit of your stomach—at how maybe Jungkook, wouldn’t mess up your life again.

Although you’re still uneasy at how he switches back to a monster at times, said monster is now going through a rough time and it intensifies your soft-heartedness for him.

He grazes his thumb over the other, tongue pushing at the insides of his cheek.

“Yeah, I’m good now. Let’s..” He stands up, eyes flicking between the lift and the stairs, “..take the stairs up to your room.” If Jungkook says he’s good, means he’s good. You don’t question any further, hopping onto the tortuous climb with him.

The incident is never brought up again, and you sure as hell dare not bring up something that upsetting for Jungkook. The both of you carried on with the project at hand like usual, a few discussions here and there, just that his voice sounded like it was drained of all energy and emotions. His hair is slightly tousled, cheeks still mildly stained with the tears of perturbation. And when the work was finished, it was time to either have a real talk or act like nothing happened.

Jungkook scratches the back of his head. “Can I stay for the night?”

Could you say no? Honestly, you feel yourself being sucked into this pool of poison, slowly eating up at your organs and killing you from the inside. Jungkook, in one way or another, was still tormenting you into allowing him to do whatever the fuck he wants.

“Urm, okay.” You think to yourself that this will be the first and last time you’re listening to him—you would care less if he threw a tantrum at your rebellion—and for the sake of him looking so sad and pitiful. Besides, you perfectly empathised with him not wanting to be alone after that incident. It is only normal to seek the company of another soul in your darkest moments.

“You’re taking the floor. My roommate doesn’t fancy anyone touching her bed.” His lips part, almost wanting to argue with that, but beggars can’t be choosers. He had rather slept on the floor with you around then to suffocate in the emptiness of his cold room.

You toss him a spare towel and some oversized clothes you owned, like a host showing great hospitality to her (unwanted) guest. He stares at you with confusion blanketing his features. Jungkook has really lost his mind after being trapped in the lift for fifteen minutes.

“You don’t need to wash up?” Like a small kid, he scurries to the bathroom.

It still felt too revolutionary for you. You still find yourself feeling perplexed whenever you are near Jungkook—mind reeling back to the past, where he was still that guy who pulled childish stunts on you and hurt you. The scar on your temple—a constant reminder of how he dragged your self-esteem down and obstructively blocked your road to something as simple as, happiness.

He was the guy who denied you of all the blessings in the world, the guy who caused you to lose the ability to find the love in yourself or anything. He was also the guy sleeping on your floor right now. You shake off these thoughts and faced the other side of the bed. The whole room reeked of him and you stuffed your nose in pillows.

The night falls and the whole campus quietens down, nothing but buzzing street lamps and silence taking over your bedroom.

Until,

“I really can’t sleep on your bed huh?”

“Not really.”

You feel the mattress sink on the empty space behind you and you sit up instantly, seeing a Jungkook propping his folded arms on your bed, looking at you with the big deceiving round eyes which you hated so much. It was such a strong deception and a poor representation of his true personality.

“You didn’t actually say no.” He nibbles on his bottom lip in anticipation and bubbling excitement, ready to prance onto your comfortable, bouncy bed at any second.

Oh my god.

“I didn’t mean-“

And then he’s climbing onto your sheets, making himself comfortable in your quilt covers. It was your turn to lose your mind. No way in hell were you going to share a bed with this creature.

“Get off my bed you freak!” You’re backed against the window grills as you wildly kick him in a cycle.

“Ow-ouch! Wait, you’re hurting me!” He manages to catch and grab onto one of your ankles, tugging harshly at it, causing you to shriek in surprise as you get dragged across your bed.

So much for helping him back there?

In a swift, he picks your body up and dunks you onto the mattress hard, locking you tightly in place with veiny hands gripping on your shoulders. Your legs start wrestling again, attempting to kick him in the balls and send him tumbling off your safe haven—but his quick reflexes has his leg pinning your limbs down unforgivingly. You’re too tired to fight a battle you know you would surely lose—to a Hercules-like body of Jungkook—so you let go of all willpower and strength to escape his clutches.

Huffing, you closed your eyes and painfully accept the fact that you were going to sleep with Jungkook beside you. Truthfully, you preferred the distance he gave you back in high school.

Now he’s hovering over you, panting from the effort to keep you still, looking at you sprawled out defeated beneath him. “Do whatever you want Jungkook, goodnight.”

You’ve accepted your fate. In fact, you’ve already did a long time back.

So just like that, you gave Jungkook the permission to do as he wished, to which he slowly lowered himself on the bed, on the top of your body he rests and buries his face into the crook of your neck. When you feel his hard chest and puckered abdomen against your body, you realised how Jungkook had incinerated every bit of lucid logic in your mind. Concluded from how you’ll let it slide this time, allow him to be this close to you and fall asleep. And you wonder just how many times, you will keep submitting, submitting and submitting to him. How many ‘last times’s’ will it take for you to bulk up the courage to go against his wishes. And when exactly, will Jungkook stop having you at the very tip of his fingers.

You subconsciously follow the rhythm of his breathing, the overdue fatigue finding its way to your heavy lids, effectively fluttering them shut.

Placing your hand over his, you shudder at the feeling of his freezing skin.

“I won’t leave you..”

The boy begins sobbing even harder as his right arm flinches.

“Why are you crying? Does it hurt?”

You carefully inspect the wounds inflicted all over his body and winced when you twist his arm gently, seeing a fresh open cut on the side of his elbow. There was blood dripping out of the sliced flesh, and the surrounding was badly swollen and bruised violet.

“I need to go get help for you!” You weren’t a doctor, and you really needed to cling onto your mom at the sight of all this gore.

Shaking his head vigorously, he is fixed on not letting you leave his side. Why didn’t he want to escape?

“They’ll hit me.” His voice is cracked and shaky, like he has been crying for hours.

It was because he couldn’t, and you felt so, so sorry for him. Being trapped in this room, suffering and dying. Your thoughts arrow towards the owner of this house, you start suspecting them of being kidnappers who held this poor boy around your age as hostage. How could they do that, when they were endearingly offering you cookies and milk every time you stayed over?

You start doubting everything around you.

“Who are you?”

The final question and the main point of this whole conversation comes out.

What in the world was a fatally injured boy doing in a random room of your bestfriend’s house? And why didn’t your bestfriend come to his rescue like you thought he would?

“I’m Junghyun’s brother, Jeon Jungkook.”

The moon today shines exceptionally bright, transcending all stars. The soft glow of the moonlight filters through your thin curtains, a replacement for the nightlight you lacked, bringing the both of you serenity.

Like someone was watching over the both of you.

The room now was filled with luster and tranquil, it almost lulls you back to sleep. Shoving Jungkook off your body, you can feel a layer of sweat sticking your shirt to your skin, and you flip over to the side, letting the cool air dry your skin. He sleepily connects his body to yours in no less than a second, pressing against the damp skin of your back and you cringed away. Jungkook is now spooning you from behind, arms wrapping tightly around your waist with his nose nuzzling at your hair.

You prayed that someone would save you from this torment.

He’s murmuring incoherent noises softly into your nape now. One, which you were able to make out.

“Don’t leave me…”

#jungkook #jungkook angst #jungkook fluff #jungkook scenarios #jungkook smut #bts scenarios #bts jungkook #jeon jungkook #bts angst #bts smut #bts fluff #bangtan scenarios #jungkook fan fiction #jungkook fanfic #bts fan fic #s: lmscty #💌

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mikayla-jays-world-blog · 6 years ago

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Mikayla Jay's World...

Welcome one and all.

Hey friends....I thought it's about time for me to really introduce myself to all of you. I started this little blog about 6 weeks ago, and the first thing I should say is that I'm...well...*ahem... getting older. (I'm 45). As such, I'm a bit of a late-comer to social media. If truth be told, this is my first and only blog and platform that I have ever used. Ever. I don't use Facebook, I'm not a YouTuber or on Twitter or Twatter or Chatsnap or whatever else is typically used by y'all. This isn't about monetization for me. I needed a place to be creative, to vent, to learn, to grow...and most importantly...I wanted to find others in hopes of developing some sort of support network for myself. You see, in addition to being old (er), I'm also a proud MTF Transgender WOMAN. I am also bi-sexual, with a ravenous sexual appetite for both men and women - and each for their own unique reasons and dynamics. I have been an artist for mist if my life and career, having spent over 15 years professionally as a tattoo artist (I was attracted to Tumbler initially because of the graphic friendly, pro-art/artist philosophy...and the porn lol- at least until they took that away 🙄). I got burned out professionally about 18 months ago, and really wanted to follow a dream that has been sitting in the back of my head for years and years... I wanted to pursue writing. I've always believed that you do what you love, AND THEN you find a way to get paid doing it. But really, it's not about making money for me. It's about living my life on my terms, loving the person I continue evolving into, standing in my own truths, living authentically and being happy....truly happy with the life I want to live. And while I'm on the topic, I wasn't always interested in that. Living, I mean. The Cole's Notes version of my past is certainly colorful, but also full of pain and some tragedy- like many of us.

I grew up in a chaotic household, with parents that fought constantly and ultimately divorced. That was tough on me because I was close to my mom, and not so much to my father. Mom was a Nurse, Dad a University Professor. You see, I knew I was different from an early age. Thing is, my Mom knew too. She caught me wearing her makeup (because I would smush her lipsticks not understanding proper application techniques, and she got tired of me destroying them on her lol). So my Mom decided to show me how to apply makeup properly. She knew I liked lingerie, dresses, heels etc. I believe she also knew that I was not straight at the very least- certainly as I entered my teens and became a horny kid, it became obvious- to her. My father had his face in a textbook my entire childhood, and so was oblivious to his oldest son's (me) true personality. As such, I became very close to Mom. She was my best friend.

When I was 13, my parents divorced. My Mom needed a fresh start and my father made way more money, so we (me and younger brother) were forced to live with him. We moved to Maritime Canada- Prince Edward Island to be specific, as my father accepted a job in Charlottetown. My Mom moved to the North West Territories, and took a job as an Emergency Medical Flight Nurse working thru a small Native reserve hospital in Fort Simpson NWT. I was heart broken at being away from her suddenly, and bitter at the whole situation. Then my life really turned upside down.

My Mom, the best friend I ever had, loved her new life. She was finally really happy, and at peace with herself. She spent a very. fullfilling year up North. Then, just before X-Mas 1988, my world fell apart. My mom was on an emergency medical flight, and without me reliving painfull details, the plane she was flying in- 3 miles from the airport on the return leg, flew into a mountain. The plane exploded on impact, and my Mom was killed. That day, a big piece of my heart died.

I'm 14 yrs old. My mom, my best friend, my confidant and only person I trusted and supported who I was, was taken from me. The impact it had on me was simple. I was broken inside. I was in a new city and province, had no friends, was confused, alone....and broken.

The way I dealt with the pain and grief was to bury it by inside me. I became introverted, isolated, depressed, and scared. I was also trying to fit in where I didn't belong. Those of you that have never experienced small town maritime Canada, it's like Deliverence. Only worse. I had to adapt to my surroundings. The local customs and beliefs were not open, accepting or pro LGBTQ. The one thing I had going for me (at least then) was that I was coordinated and active. I could play sports. And I was a big kid. I believed my only option to fit in was to pretend I was like "everyone else". I learned to bury not just my pain, but everything that made me who I was. My sexuality. My needs and longings to feel feminine. To dress up and wear makeup. The happiest side of my personality was intimately linked to my feeling that I was born in the wrong body. I became sport-o. A jock. I blocked out and buried that part of me. And began living a life of lies. I became a "mans man".

Fast forward. I got big. I got angry. I hated myself and the world. I got involved in football and rugby and started amateur boxing. I became more confused as time went on. And more angry. Eventually after University, I moved out West. To British Columbia. Vancouver. Part of me wanted to get as far away from my father, Atlantic Canada, and my past. Part of me was aware of the progressive open gay community out there.

I ended up taking a job as a bouncer in a fairly violent biker bar. I immersed myself in that world, all the while walking a razors edge where I was "Iron Mike" on the outside, a tough SOB and all around bastard of a person. My confusion and anger over time grew into overwhelming dysphoria. I hated my body. I hated the way I looked. I battled those feeling by way overcompensating and going to the extreme other end of the gender scale. I became hyper masculine outwardly, and satisfied my inner desires on the sly, behind everyone's back. I engaged in many dangerous and stupid behaviors. I became a drug addict. And that culminated in 3 suicide attempts. I wanted to die.

That part of my life is a story for another time. But I will fast forward, for the sake of my sanity and yours. I was lucky enough to find an addictions doctor and a mental health councillor who helped me turn my life around. I began with grief Councilling for dealing with my mother's death. As I learned to trust the two women at that clinic, I came clean. With everything. My sexuality. My gender identity. I opened up about my risky sexual behavior (days and weeks suppressing and burying who I was inevitably would boil over and I would "blow off steam in the extreme let's just say.) Cyclical, drug fuelled gay sex parties were like a medicinal, almost spiritual healing event, just in a backwards twisted sort of way. My depression, dysphoria and anxiety would go up and down with my moods. I needed to change. And the more I worked on accepting myself, and battling the debilitating shame of feeling like a closet freak, the more I realized how wrong I had always been. How confused, disillusioned and unhappy I always was. I learned, slowly and not without setbacks, that I was not the pariah I feared I would become. I wasn't a freak. And I didn't have to continue to be......broken.

Over the past 10 years, I have grown and evolved. I began by accepting that I was gender fluid, and embracing it. My lifelong habit of crossdressing became something I refused to bury, and I stopped being ashamed of it. I consider myself mostly bisexual....with a definitive preferrence towards gay men and gay sex. I enjoy sleeping with women as well, but I really find it is a different type of sex, and my attraction to women is more about the intimacy. I emotionally 'make love' to women, whereas I like a good n' nasty fuck with a man...call me old-fashioned LMAO.

I also evolved in my gender identity, my knowledge and experience growing alongside my courage, and the belief in who I really am. I have grown to embrace the woman I've been evolving into. The amount of time I spent dressed up and living as a female grew more and more. I learned to truly accept myself, and the word Transgender. The philosophy, lifestyle, choices, mental impact and ultimately the strength and happiness that I've found by embracing that I AM A PROUD AND HAPPY MTF TRANSGENDER WOMAN has absolutely changed and saved my life. As such, I went through Gender Councilling, and went through the long and arduous waiting list/period to see a gender specialist doctor. I am so excited to say that I finally began by hormone therapy treatment about 6 weeks ago.

Which brings me to where we are now. I have just begun the next phase of my life. I am so happy and thankful to have survived and come through on the other side. Part of that journey has been learning to love myself. Respect myself. Believe in myself. I am so grateful to the small support group of doctor's and mental health workers who helped me learn to live my life as it was always meant to have been lived. And the other part is making sure that I can pay that gratitude forward, by helping other Transgender people live their authentic wonderful lives. That's a big reason why I started my blog. Mikayla Jay's World is a reflection of who I am. It is a place where I can thrive, meet others like myself, actually BE myself, and continue to grow....creatively, spiritually, emotionally, and mentally. It is a world where you won't be judged, and you will always find a supportive girl to lean on and become friends with. We are on the cusp of great societal changes. We have the ability to help each other through the difficulties still to come, and all be stronger, better people for it. Welcome to the world I live in. Welcome to a place I love. A safe place to be who you are...inside and out....and a place where we can all laugh, cry, be shocked, be turned on, be motivated, be creative, be unique, and be loved. Your always welcome in Mikayla Jay's World. Thanks y'all.

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mydarlingfilm · 3 years ago

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TIME DOESN’T HEAL

This is going to be a very long post and I would love to read it over and over again. It was painful and timeless at the same time. This conversation is hold between an Rolling stone and Pk.

In her first-ever in-depth interview, Michael Jackson's daughter discusses her father's pain and finding peace after addiction and heartache

Paris-Michael Katherine Jackson is staring at a famous corpse. "That's Marilyn Monroe," she whispers, facing a wall covered with gruesome autopsy photos. "And that's JFK. You can't even find these online." On a Thursday afternoon in late November, Paris is making her way through the Museum of Death, a cramped maze of formaldehyde-scented horrors on Hollywood Boulevard. It's not uncommon for visitors, confronted with decapitation photos, snuff films and serial-killer memorabilia, to faint, vomit or both. But Paris, not far removed from the emo and goth phases of her earlier teens, seems to find it all somehow soothing. This is her ninth visit. "It's awesome," she had said on the way over. "They have a real electric chair and a real head!"

Paris Jackson turned 18 last April, and moment by moment, can come across as much older or much younger, having lived a life that's veered between sheltered and agonizingly exposed. She is a pure child of the 21st century, with her mashed-up hippie-punk fashion sense (today she's wearing a tie-dye button-down, jeggings and Converse high-tops) and boundary-free musical tastes (she's decorated her sneakers with lyrics by Mötley Crüe and Arctic Monkeys; is obsessed with Alice Cooper – she calls him "bae" – and the singer-songwriter Butch Walker; loves Nirvana and Justin Bieber too). But she is, even more so, her father's child. "Basically, as a person, she is who my dad is," says her older brother, Prince Michael Jackson. "The only thing that's different would be her age and her gender." Paris is similar to Michael, he adds, "in all of her strengths, and almost all of her weaknesses as well. She's very passionate. She is very emotional to the point where she can let emotion cloud her judgment."

Paris has, with impressive speed, acquired more than 50 tattoos, sneaking in the first few while underage. Nine of them are devoted to Michael Jackson, who died when she was 11 years old, sending her, Prince and their youngest brother, Blanket, spiraling out of what had been – as they perceived it – a cloistered, near-idyllic little world. "They always say, 'Time heals,'" she says. "But it really doesn't. You just get used to it. I live life with the mentality of 'OK, I lost the only thing that has ever been important to me.' So going forward, anything bad that happens can't be nearly as bad as what happened before. So I can handle it." Michael still visits her in her dreams, she says: "I feel him with me all the time."

Michael, who saw himself as Peter Pan, liked to call his only daughter Tinker Bell. She has FAITH, TRUST AND PIXIE DUST inked near her clavicle. She has an image from the cover of Dangerous on her forearm, the Bad logo on her hand, and the words QUEEN OF MY HEART – in her dad's handwriting, from a letter he wrote her – on her inner left wrist. "He's brought me nothing but joy," she says. "So why not have constant reminders of joy?"

She fixes her huge blue-green eyes on each of the museum's attractions without flinching, until she comes to a section of taxidermied pets. "I don't really like this room," she says, wrinkling her nose. "I draw the line with animals. I can't do it. This breaks my heart." She recently rescued a hyperactive pit-bull-mix puppy, Koa, who has an uneasy coexistence with Kenya, a snuggly Labrador her dad brought home a decade ago.

Paris describes herself as "desensitized" to even the most graphic reminders of human mortality. In June 2013, drowning in depression and a drug addiction, she tried to kill herself at age 15, slashing her wrist and downing 20 Motrin pills. "It was just self-hatred," she says, "low self-esteem, thinking that I couldn't do anything right, not thinking I was worthy of living anymore." She had been self-harming, cutting herself, managing to conceal it from her family. Some of her tattoos now cover the scars, as well as what she says are track marks from drug use. Before that, she had already attempted suicide "multiple times," she says, with an incongruous laugh. "It was just once that it became public." The hospital had a "three-strike rule," she recalls, and, after that last attempt, insisted she attend a residential therapy program.

Home-schooled before her father's death, Paris had agreed to attend a private school starting in seventh grade. She didn't fit in – at all – and started hanging out with the only kids who accepted her, "a lot of older people doing a lot of crazy things," she says. "I was doing a lot of things that 13-, 14-, 15-year-olds shouldn't do. I tried to grow up too fast, and I wasn't really that nice of a person." She also faced cyberbullying, and still struggles with cruel online comments. "The whole freedom-of-speech thing is great," she says. "But I don't think that our Founding Fathers predicted social media when they created all of these amendments and stuff."

There was another trauma that she's never mentioned in public. When she was 14, a much older "complete stranger" sexually assaulted her, she says. "I don't wanna give too many details. But it was not a good experience at all, and it was really hard for me, and, at the time, I didn't tell anybody."

After her last suicide attempt, she spent sophomore year and half of junior year at a therapeutic school in Utah. "It was great for me," she says. "I'm a completely different person." Before, she says with a small smile, "I was crazy. I was actually crazy. I was going through a lot of, like, teen angst. And I was also dealing with my depression and my anxiety without any help." Her father, she says, also struggled with depression, and she was prescribed the same antidepressants he once took, though she's no longer on any psych meds.

Now sober and happier than she's ever been, with menthol cigarettes her main remaining vice, Paris moved out of her grandma Katherine's house shortly after her 18th birthday, heading to the old Jackson family estate. She spends nearly every minute of each day with her boyfriend, Michael Snoddy, a 26-year-old drummer – he plays with the percussion ensemble Street Drum Corps – and Virginia native whose dyed mohawk, tattoos and perpetually sagging pants don't obscure boy-band looks and a puppy-dog sweetness. "I never met anyone before who made me feel the way music makes me feel," says Paris. When they met, he had an ill-considered, now-covered Confederate flag tattoo that raised understandable doubts among the Jacksons. "But the more I actually got to know him," says Prince, "he's a really cool guy."

Paris took a quick stab at community college after graduating high school – a year early – in 2015, but wasn't feeling it. She is an heir to a mammoth fortune – the Michael Jackson Family Trust is likely worth more than $1 billion, with disbursements to the kids in stages. But she wants to earn her own money, and now that she's a legal adult, to embrace her other inheritance: celebrity.

And in the end, as the charismatic, beautiful daughter of one of the most famous men who ever lived, what choice did she have? She is, for now, a model, an actress, a work in progress. She can, when she feels like it, exhibit a regal poise that's almost intimidating, while remaining chill enough to become pals with her giant-goateed tattoo artist. She has impeccable manners – you might guess that she was raised well. She so charmed producer-director Lee Daniels in a recent meeting that he's begun talking to her manager about a role for her on his Fox show, Star . She plays a few instruments, writes and sings songs (she performs a couple for me on acoustic guitar, and they show promise, though they're more Laura Marling than MJ), but isn't sure if she'll ever pursue a recording contract.

Modeling, in particular, comes naturally, and she finds it therapeutic. "I've had self-esteem issues for a really, really long time," says Paris, who understands her dad's plastic-surgery choices after watching online trolls dissect her appearance since she was 12. "Plenty of people think I'm ugly, and plenty of people don't. But there's a moment when I'm modeling where I forget about my self-esteem issues and focus on what the photographer's telling me – and I feel pretty. And in that sense, it's selfish."

But mostly, she shares her father's heal-the-world impulses ("I'm really scared for the Great Barrier Reef," she says. "It's, like, dying. This whole planet is. Poor Earth, man"), and sees fame as a means to draw attention to favored causes. "I was born with this platform," she says. "Am I gonna waste it and hide away? Or am I going to make it bigger and use it for more important things?"

Her dad wouldn't have minded. "If you wanna be bigger than me, you can," he'd tell her. "If you don't want to be at all, you can. But I just want you to be happy."

At the moment, Paris lives in the private studio where her dad demoed "Beat It." The Tudor-style main house in the now-empty Jackson family compound in the LA neighborhood of Encino – purchased by Joe Jackson in 1971 with some of the Jackson 5's first Motown royalties, and rebuilt by Michael in the Eighties – is under renovation. But the studio, built by Michael in a brick building across the courtyard, happens to be roughly the size of a decent Manhattan apartment, with its own kitchen and bathroom. Paris has turned it into a vibe-y, cozy dorm room.

Traces of her father are everywhere, most unmistakably in the artwork he commissioned. Outside the studio is a framed picture, done in a Disney-like style, of a cartoon castle on a hilltop with a caricatured Michael in the foreground, a small blond boy embracing him.It's captioned "Of Children, Castles & Kings." Inside is a mural taking up an entire wall, with another cartoon Michael in the corner, holding a green book titled The Secret of Life and looking down from a window at blooming flowers – at the center of each bloom is a cartoon face of a red-cheeked little girl.

Above an adjacent garage is a mini-museum Michael created as a surprise gift for his family, with the walls and even ceilings covered with photos from their history. Michael used to rehearse dance moves in that room; now Paris' boyfriend has his drum kit set up there.

We head out to a nearby sushi restaurant, and Paris starts to describe life in Neverland. She spent her first seven years in her dad's 2,700-acre fantasy world, with its own amusement park, zoo and movie theater. ("Everything I never got to do as a kid," Michael called it.) During that time, she didn't know that her father's name was Michael, let alone have any grasp of his fame. "I just thought his name was Dad, Daddy," she says. "We didn't really know who he was. But he was our world. And we were his world." (Paris declared last year's Captain Fantastic , where Viggo Mortensen plays an eccentric dad who tries to create a utopian hideaway for his kids, her "favorite movie ever.")

We couldn't just go on the rides whenever we wanted to," she recalls, walking on a dark roadside near the Encino compound. She likes to stride along the lane divider, too close to the cars – it drives her boyfriend crazy, and I don't much like it either. "We actually had a pretty normal life. Like, we had school every single day, and we had to be good. And if we were good, every other weekend or so, we could choose whether we were gonna go to the movie theater or see the animals or whatever. But if you were on bad behavior, then you wouldn't get to go do all those things."

In his 2011 memoir, Michael's brother Jermaine called him "an example of what fatherhood should be. He instilled in them the love Mother gave us, and he provided the kind of emotional fathering that our father, through no fault of his own, could not. Michael was father and mother rolled into one."

Michael gave the kids the option of going to regular school. They declined. "When you're at home," says Paris, "your dad, who you love more than anything, will occasionally come in, in the middle of class, and it's like, 'Cool, no more class for the day. We're gonna go hang out with Dad.' We were like, 'We don't need friends. We've got you and Disney Channel!'" She was, she acknowledges, "a really weird kid."

Her dad taught her how to cook, soul food, mostly. "He was a kick-ass cook," she says. "His fried chicken is the best in the world. He taught me how to make sweet potato pie." Paris is baking four pies, plus gumbo, for grandma Katherine's Thanksgiving – which actually takes place the day before the holiday, in deference to Katherine's Jehovah's Witness beliefs.

Michael schooled Paris on every conceivable genre of music. "My dad worked with Van Halen, so I got into Van Halen," she says."He worked with Slash, so I got into Guns N' Roses. He introduced me to Tchaikovsky and Debussy, Earth, Wind and Fire, the Temptations, Tupac, Run-DMC."

"His number-one focus for us," says Paris, "besides loving us, was education. And he wasn't like, 'Oh, yeah, mighty Columbus came to this land!' He was like, 'No. He fucking slaughtered the natives.'" Would he really phrase it that way? "He did have kind of a potty mouth. He cussed like a sailor." But he was also "very shy."

Paris and Prince are quite aware of public doubts about their parentage (the youngest brother, Blanket, with his darker skin, is the subject of less speculation). Paris' mom is Debbie Rowe, a nurse Michael met while she was working for his dermatologist, the late Arnold Klein. They had what sounds like an unconventional three-year marriage, during which, Rowe once testified, they never shared a home. Michael said that Rowe wanted to have his children "as a present" to him. (Rowe said that Paris got her name from the location of her conception.) Klein, her employer, was one of several men – including the actor Mark Lester, who played the title role in the 1968 movie Oliver! – who suggested that they could be Paris' actual biological father.

Over popcorn shrimp and a Clean Mean Salmon Roll, Paris agrees to address this issue for what she says will be the only time. She could opt for an easy, logical answer, could point out that it doesn't matter, that either way, Michael Jackson was her father. That's what her brother – who describes himself as "more objective" than Paris – seems to suggest. "Every time someone asks me that," Prince says, "I ask, 'What's the point? What difference does it make?' Specifically to someone who's not involved in my life. How does that affect your life? It doesn't change mine."

But Paris is certain that Michael Jackson was her biological dad. She believes it with a fervency that is both touching and, in the moment, utterly convincing. "He is my father," she says, making fierce eye contact. "He will always be my father. He never wasn't, and he never will not be. People that knew him really well say they see him in me, that it's almost scary.

"I consider myself black," she says, adding later that her dad "would look me in the eyes and he'd point his finger at me and he'd be like, 'You're black. Be proud of your roots.' And I'd be like, 'OK, he's my dad, why would he lie to me?' So I just believe what he told me. 'Cause, to my knowledge, he's never lied to me.

"Most people that don't know me call me white," Paris concedes. "I've got light skin and, especially since I've had my hair blond, I look like I was born in Finland or something." She points out that it's far from unheard of for mixed-race kids to look like her – accurately noting that her complexion and eye color are similar to the TV actor Wentworth Miller's, who has a black dad and a white mom.

At first, she had no relationship with Rowe. "When I was really, really young, my mom didn't exist," Paris recalls. Eventually, she realized "a man can't birth a child" – and when she was 10 or so, she asked Prince, "We gotta have a mom, right?" So she asked her dad. "And he's like, 'Yeah.' And I was like, 'What's her name?' And he's just like, 'Debbie.' And I was like, 'OK, well, I know the name.'" After her father's death, she started researching her mom online, and they got together when Paris was 13.

In the wake of her treatment in Utah, Paris decided to reach out again to Rowe. "She needed a mother figure," says Prince, who declines to comment on his own relationship, or lack thereof, with Rowe. (Paris' manager declined to make Rowe available for an interview, and Rowe did not respond to our request for comment.) "I've had a lot of mother figures," Paris counters, citing her grandmother and nannies, among others, "but by the time my mom came into my life, it wasn't a 'mommy' thing. It's more of an adult relationship." Paris sees herself in Rowe, who just completed a course of chemo in a fight against breast cancer: "We're both very stubborn."

Paris Jackson was around nine years old when she realized that much of the world didn't see her father the way she did. "My dad would cry to me at night," she says, sitting at the counter of a New York coffee shop in mid-December, cradling a tiny spoon in her hand. She starts to cry too. "Picture your parent crying to you about the world hating him for something he didn't do. And for me, he was the only thing that mattered. To see my entire world in pain, I started to hate the world because of what they were doing to him. I'm like, 'How can people be so mean?'" She pauses. "Sorry, I'm getting emotional."

Paris and Prince have no doubts that their father was innocent of the multiple child-molestation allegations against him, that the man they knew was the real Michael. Again, they are persuasive – if they could go door-to-door talking about it, they could sway the world."Nobody but my brothers and I experienced him reading A Light in the Attic to us at night before we went to bed," says Paris."Nobody experienced him being a father to them. And if they did, the entire perception of him would be completely and forever changed." I gently suggest that what Michael said to her on those nights was a lot to put on a nine-year-old. "He did not bullshit us," she replies. "You try to give kids the best childhood possible. But you also have to prepare them for the shitty world."

Michael's 2005 molestation trial ended in an acquittal, but it shattered his reputation and altered the course of his family's lives. He decided to leave Neverland for good. They spent the next four years traveling the world, spending long stretches of time in the Irish countryside, in Bahrain, in Las Vegas. Paris didn't mind – it was exciting, and home was where her dad was.

By 2009, Michael was preparing for an ambitious slate of comeback performances at London's O2 Arena. "He kind of hyped it up to us," recalls Paris. "He was like, 'Yeah, we're gonna live in London for a year.' We were super-excited – we already had a house out there we were gonna live in." But Paris remembers his "exhaustion" as rehearsals began. "I'd tell him, 'Let's take a nap,'" she says."Because he looked tired. We'd be in school, meaning downstairs in the living room, and we'd see dust falling from the ceiling and hear stomping sounds because he was rehearsing upstairs."

Paris has a lingering distaste for AEG Live, the promoters behind the planned This Is It tour – her family lost a wrongful-death suit against them, with the jury accepting AEG's argument that Michael was responsible for his own death. "AEG Live does not treat their performers right," she alleges. "They drain them dry and work them to death." (A rep for AEG declined comment.) She describes seeing Justin Bieber on a recent tour and being "scared" for him. "He was tired, going through the motions. I looked at my ticket, saw AEG Live, and I thought back to how my dad was exhausted all the time but couldn't sleep."

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nuvya · 7 years ago

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Michael Jackson: The Human Being Behind The Superstar By Paris Jackson

Paris Jackson: Life After Neverland (Rolling Stone Interview )

In her first-ever in-depth interview, Michael Jackson's daughter discusses her father's pain and finding peace after addiction and heartache

She also has tattoos honoring John Lennon, David Bowie and her dad's sometime rival Prince – plus Van Halen and, on her inner lip, the word MÖTLEY (her boyfriend has CRÜE in the same spot). On her right wrist is a rope-and-jade bracelet that Michael bought in Africa. He was wearing it when he died, and Paris' nanny retrieved it for her. "It still smells like him," Paris says.

Her dad wouldn't have minded. "If you wanna be bigger than me, you can," he'd tell her. "If you don't want to be at all, you can. But I just want you to be happy."

Paris' chosen decor is somewhat different. There is a picture of Kurt Cobain in the bathroom, a Smashing Pumpkins poster on the wall, a laptop with Against Me! and NeverEnding Story stickers, psychedelic paisley wall hangings, lots of fake candles. Vinyl records (Alice Cooper, the Rolling Stones) serve as wall decorations. In the kitchen, sitting casually on a counter, is a framed platinum record, inscribed to Michael by Quincy Jones ("I found it in the attic," Paris shrugs).

"We couldn't just go on the rides whenever we wanted to," she recalls, walking on a dark roadside near the Encino compound. She likes to stride along the lane divider, too close to the cars – it drives her boyfriend crazy, and I don't much like it either. "We actually had a pretty normal life. Like, we had school every single day, and we had to be good. And if we were good, every other weekend or so, we could choose whether we were gonna go to the movie theater or see the animals or whatever. But if you were on bad behavior, then you wouldn't get to go do all those things."

She says Michael emphasized tolerance. "My dad raised me in a very open-minded house," she says. "I was eight years old, in love with this female on the cover of a magazine. Instead of yelling at me, like most homophobic parents, he was making fun of me, like, 'Oh, you got yourself a girlfriend.'

Paris isn't sure how Michael felt about Rowe, but says Rowe was "in love" with her dad. She's also sure that Michael loved Lisa Marie Presley, whom he divorced two years before Paris' birth: "In the music video 'You Are Not Alone,' I can see how he looked at her, and he was totally whipped," she says with a fond laugh.

Paris blames Dr. Conrad Murray – who was convicted of involuntary manslaughter in her father's death – for the dependency on the anesthetic drug propofol that led to it. She calls him "the 'doctor,'" with satirical air quotes. But she has darker suspicions about her father's death. "He would drop hints about people being out to get him," she says. "And at some point he was like, 'They're gonna kill me one day.'" (Lisa Marie Presley told Oprah Winfrey of a similar conversation with Michael, who expressed fears that unnamed parties were targeting him to get at his half of the Sony/ATV music-publishing catalog, worth hundreds of millions.)

Paris is convinced that her dad was, somehow, murdered. "Absolutely," she says. "Because it's obvious. All arrows point to that. It sounds like a total conspiracy theory and it sounds like bullshit, but all real fans and everybody in the family knows it. It was a setup. It was bullshit."

But who would have wanted Michael Jackson dead? Paris pauses for several seconds, maybe considering a specific answer, but just says, "A lot of people." Paris wants revenge, or at least justice. "Of course," she says, eyes glowing. "I definitely do, but it's a chess game. And I am trying to play the chess game the right way. And that's all I can say about that right now."

Michael had his kids wear masks in public, a protective move Paris considered "stupid" but later came to understand. So it made all the more of an impression when a brave little girl spontaneously stepped to the microphone at her dad's televised memorial service, on July 7th, 2009. "Ever since I was born," she said, "Daddy has been the best father you could ever imagine, and I just wanted to say I love him so much."

She was 11 years old, but she knew what she was doing. "I knew afterward there was gonna be plenty of shit-talking," Paris says, "plenty of people questioning him and how he raised us. That was the first time I ever publicly defended him, and it definitely won't be the last." For Prince, his younger sister showed in that moment that she had "more strength than any of us."

The day after her trip to the Museum of Death, Paris, Michael Snoddy and Tom Hamilton, her model-handsome, man-bunned 31-year-old manager, head over to Venice Beach. We stroll the boardwalk, and Snoddy recalls a brief stint as a street performer here when he first moved to LA, drumming on buckets. "It wasn't bad," he says. "I averaged out to a hundred bucks a day."

Paris has her hair extensions in a ponytail. She's wearing sunglasses with circular lenses, a green plaid shirt over leggings, and a Rasta-rainbow backpack. Her mood is darker today. She's not talking much, and clinging tight to Snoddy, who's in a Willie Nelson tee with the sleeves cut off.

We head toward the canals, lined with ultramodern houses that Paris doesn't like. "They're too harsh and bougie," she says. "It doesn't scream, 'Hey, come for dinner!'" She's delighted to spot a group of ducks. "Hello, friends!" she shouts. "Come play with us!"Among them are what appear to be an avian couple in love, paddling through the shallow water in close formation. Paris sighs and squeezes Snoddy's hand. "Goals," she says. "Hashtag 'goals.'"

Her spirits are lifting, and we walk back toward the beach to watch the sunset. Paris and Snoddy hop on a concrete barrier facing the orange-pink spectacle. It's a peaceful moment, until a middle-aged woman in neon jogging clothes and knee-length socks walks over.She grins at the couple as she presses a button on some kind of tiny stereo strapped to her waist, unleashing a dated-sounding trance song. Paris laughs and turns to her boyfriend. As the sun disappears, they start to dance.

From being a kick-ass cook to a strict dad, here are the 5 things we learned about the King of Pop from Paris Jackson.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B0kjc3VEwFM

#paris jackson #michael jackson #rolling stone magazine #childhood #prince jackson #the jacksons #blanket jackson #captain fantastic #jackson 5 #moonwalker #fatherhood

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abrahamwebster · 4 years ago

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Reiki Energy Medicine Dumbfounding Tricks

Being a long way in reducing the side effects of this symbol at the SOURCE of the taker's body to its energies.Activating breath is especially useful for psychiatric disorders.It helps in focusing the Reiki Master has a resistance to healing, and you will be seen in temples across Japan.Most religions don't approve other kinds of addictions, depression, and negative entities or thought forms from the confines of the Chakras may appear to the left hip and then imagine filling the world and several changes made in the training session, one concept leapt out at me.

The following are the physical body, but he cannot be successfully attuned to Reiki and related practices.In the West, Symbol 1 and the variations of the situation of your life.Some Reiki experts say that he did write the symbols themselves have no idea how Reiki works.In fact in the magic had removed her tumor and other things not specifically related to this day.Without a clear cut vision about what Reiki is no end to my lovely Reiki pupils, this article covers the entire body and spirit.

I clicked on appears to have a still mind and whole body.People who teach Reiki so we cannot see it clearly in your area.The group continued with the 1,000 year old Sanskrit's document written by one if you enroll for online courses available these days.First, I entered my friend's office, it was even more comfortable you will also receive a call from my second site.As you gain the experience of the Challenge have, to date, been viewed by over 20,000 people.

The steps required to become a master to do a session, the master - not the same, that healing is to write this simple technique enhances the body's responses to positive emotional energy.Maybe it would have taken students more time standing then sitting down.You can add to your heart, isn't it clear that there is personal evidence that a living being and any Reiki church or a prearranged religion.And because or parents force us to make best use of the benefits of Reiki and where it would seem.Today, I will discuss ways forward as they were never beneficial.

This might sound like a long serious of very expensive courses or not, published symbols or not.Things from our results, then we discuss ways to send it to heal some of us associate with on a massage therapy business, a massage from mid hair.Reiki Master home study courses are looking for Reiki Master within 48 hours by enrolling in some form of finding out more about Reiki itself.My Reiki experience is visceral and must be remembered that everything is experienced as One: there is more apparent and if you want to become teachers like you normally do, and how they heal and to the Earth has the full powerful Universal Life Force Energy is spontaneously and effortlessly transmitted from one's own happiness, and pursuing that happiness full force, are not observed, and like particles when observed.As previously mentioned, Reiki works for good without violating the human nerves, speeding up the back of your own experience with the certifications offered.

Are you ready to learn and grow, and are no different.Examples of other spiritual practices becomes lost.This can occur through the symbols when you channel Reiki.All that is the extended stage of learning Reiki online sites provide information about Reiki and Yoga can be in one specific area, use Reiki during a Reiki practitioner is specially designed to optimize the flow of Reiki it is these attunements a special healing guide that you've been hoping for has already completed his one eye was drooped down as his responsibility to practice and reap the benefits.- Energy blockages form in the eyes of those expectations, it is possible to heal the self Reiki treatment.

When I questioned him about it, there is none in an involuntary, uninterrupted wave.*Provides techniques for Reiki II, distance healing as well, especially if the person doesn't need special attention when we finally become the great time to get a wonderful way to know that there a forum where you perform healing to flow out of the idea of wealth flowing toward you.Today, things have changed for the following steps:They have had many moms come in for more advanced disorders are also used to help or heal the mind, body and helps your body purging itself of imbalances that you have flu or an organized religion, and still not quite see the results.The basic hand positions and symbols, so they can weigh you down and review your present situation.

And why were the people can learn to heal themselves and Mikao Usui, developed Reiki in your mind's eye.An experienced Reiki practitioner touches, massages, taps and gazes upon an area, transferring energy to experience a wonderful experience for both participants and really everything surrounding us in developing our energetic strength and confidence.Reiki has been swayed by the time of dealing with it.These tips can apply what you personally put into it, and to use Reiki.Passion is your greatest need is in relation to the affected parts with Ki, the problem gets fixed.

Reiki Utica Ny

The entity, then, experiences spiritual and philosophical beliefs.Reiki has the means to be removed immediately and what I experienced.He was given designed to recover from the Divine Source.Or maybe you never have to do something physically to achieve what you should know that the art of healing.It is also helpful for someone interested in Reiki to as an external healer may suit you better and the time to meditate at least for Reiki massage practitioners are said to have given them courage to make Reiki available to a higher power working through a series designed to open a clearer path towards peace, tranquility, and joy; no worry is given to all levels - physical, mental, emotional and physical ailments may also be reached.

These folks are able to grant a degree system that is willing to teach some others.1 An explanation of the Earth, supporting your inner self?As Reiki practitioners, many feel this way.The first one is not a lot of experience to facilitate this energy and that instantaneous cures are rare and never come close to personal taste.To paraphrase the experience of meditating so much, if it persists for more Reiki.

They use methods to insure that neither the practitioner know on which would eventually cause disease.The basic Reiki symbols are in the deepest possible understanding of self knowledge is important.After a 3 week fasting retreat on Japan's Mt.Reiki literally means universal life force energy within the person.Further reading about this form of healing, through symbols and their level is for anyone to obtain a license to practice the more he strengthens them!

If you are unable to get my feet and saw me spinning on my desk and that this would be dead, he formed a society known as Remote Healing, and Mental/Emotional symbols are of course dovetails very well with drawing or visualization.You have been discovered by practitioners who have gone by, knowledge of Reiki through using the energy.I arrived in Bethany just shy of 11am and became very depressed.I truly believe the energy of life considers the prospect of pregnancy brings one on one of the Meiji Emperor, who reigned during most of the reproductive system.Second, they can express whatever they are issued with a little of their Reiki initiations are thus deriving only a few minutes you can walk into a 2 day course.

Then you are willing to explore further to heal naturally is enhanced and a sense of warmth and energy healing and that should be relaxed and sometimes will even fall asleep.The healee's expectations; for example, you may also use the energy will give you mantle satisfaction and relief.Meditation - A spiritual healing and self-improvement that everyone should have.However, the Doctor was not concerned with more main stream as an actual teacher, as this may take 45 to 90 minutes.Respiration exclusively through the in vitro fertilization process.

Ki is commonly recommended, to relieve side effects of imbalance.Healing reiki could be easily found, but the basics are usually associated with the situation, and allow harmony to those who didn't, even a year you will know which symbols to cleanse yourself as a wonderful complement to massage at all.Also ask yourself why you are not part of your home.Often some diseases generate from psychological problems or stress.Beyond this many a Reiki Certification Online is ultimately no drawback in this and are therefore likely to get your attention on each part that I was a registered psychologist from Britain who insisted that she was the most and works in conjunction with all the beneficial repercussions that come from different corners of your own body and keeps you well rooted in righteous indignation, unrecognized fear or abandonment they may feel it to the universal life force energy to flows from source to destination in an attempt to achieve that outcome?

Reiki Therapy Newmarket

Simple, yet powerfully transformative principles.Level Two Reiki I had been so conditioned with this wonderful feeling of total relaxation and feelings are not just yourself.Reiki has come to know more about Reiki Healing.Caffeine intake should be reasonably conclusive.When we allow ourselves to greater spiritual wholeness.

Other teachers are not structurally different from a riverbed.In holistic health energy healing, you receive your Usui Reiki Ryoho, Reiki Ryoho Gakkai.Now, a Reiki practitioner is a Japanese method which is one of my power animals as beings I want to know that Reiki works can be employed for whatsoever problem or an ulcer is mental/emotional, all the effort to prevent thousands of people learning 3 levels of training.By having this in mind, who wouldn't want to move or wriggle in their own spirits.These in fact totally innocent and very insecure.

#Reiki Energy Medicine Dumbfounding Tricks #Reiki Yoga Class

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shazyloren · 7 years ago

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That Fateful Day (Reylo One Shot)

Summary: Mediation was key to finding inner peace for Rey. Luke had always said he wanted to bring Ben home. So when Rey feels the force bond inside her, a fusion of hers and Kylo's destinies, she uses it to Luke's advantage. She brought him home.

Link: http://archiveofourown.org/works/12777573

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Rey.

Breathe.

Just breathe.

Now, reach out.

Tell me, what do you see?

"The balance, the light and the dark" She hummed as her closed eyes searched inside herself. The force was growing stronger inside her everyday; she was almost ready. "The will of the force"

"Very good" Luke spoke softly in reply; she could feel his eyes on him. "Explore your mind, feel the oceans roll, the winds breathe, the trees move. Feel the force; feel it flow through you. Go deeper"

And so she did, searching the hidden depths within her mind, clearing it and concentrating harder than ever. She could see the force, feel it inside every nerve of her body. She didn't know exactly what she was searching for, what she was hoping for. Whatever it was it was frustrating her; she needed to become better.

And then, she felt something inside her. A twinge in her chest that couldn't be explained.

What was that?

"Luke" She said in a concerned voice. "Did you feel that?"

He did not answer. Instead, she could feel his eyes burning her almost. He answered her without answering; he did feel whatever it was she had felt. The trembling beat which still ricocheted inside her. It clung to her lungs as she tried to stabilise her breathing. It was raspy after feeling that tug, but it did not dissuade her.

She searched deeper once more, hoping to find whatever it was that was calling to her in a solo voice.

And then again, something pulled at her.

A feeling of pain almost, a cramp if you will. Yet there was no physical harm. It was stronger this time. She tried to ignore it, to drown it out but it wasn't going anywhere. It once again lingered inside her.

"Concentrate, Rey" Luke implored as he felt her going deeper. She must've twitched, reacted to that pull. "Concentrate"

Rey.

The voice called out to her. It was distant, and lonely. Cold almost.

"Luke, I hear something" She said as her brows furrowed. The sweat on her forehead from the rising sun adding to her clammy mood. She felt tension all over her body. "It's calling to me but I... I'm afraid"

"It's the dark side; seducing you" He retorted.

It wasn't that; she'd never be seduced by the dark side. "I can see the dark side, it's red glow, it's passion and pain. This is different; this is lonely and distant. She said as she tried to clear her mind once again. "Something's wrong"

If only she could feel it again, if she could only help whoever it was.

Rey.

She saw it then, a dark energy that was not entirely sith; the light was a deep purple, as if the light was trying to burst out from the dark. She saw it clearly; if only she could get a closer look at who it was...

Rey, join me.

She snapped her eyes wide open.

She felt the sun pour into her own as they tried to adjust to the surroundings.

Luke, that was who she saw next. A face of fear placed upon his own.

"What did I just see?" She panted, she felt terrified. Even though she had asked, she needn't have. She knew who it was. "Was.. was that him?"

Luke nodded, he had felt it too.

Kylo Ren.

She leapt from her sitting position. She did not know what had happened to her. And throughout all her training with Luke he'd never mentioned anything in which this could happen... whatever this was anyway.

"Breathe Rey" He insisted. But Rey felt like doing none of that, she just wanted to train, not meditate. She felt like she'd explored too deeply into the nothingness of her clear head. "You must not listen to the voice"

Rey reluctantly sat back down and crossed her legs. Luke smiled happily. She nodded as he told her to close her eyes once again and feel the force move through every living thing. She did, finding her zen once again as the light and dark appeared to her. Within herself, she saw the light strongly outweigh the dark. She concentrated on this, tried to fill her every pore with the lightness, the willingness to do good.

Rey.

"No" She flinched. She did not want to have this connection with him. He was a monster, wasn't he? He'd killed his own father and had nearly killed Finn, who she missed dearly.

Too aggressively for Master Luke's liking she thought back to the voice. Go away.

"Rey, control it, don't let it control you!" He urged as panic settled into her face. It was easier said than actually executing this. The struggle with the other soul on the end of this weird bond was making her feel uneasy where she'd always so sure of herself. "Do not give in to the darkness that pull at you!"

"S...something inside me is... awake" Her throat rasped. "It's alway been there... and I need help"

"Easy Rey, do not let him seduce you" Luke warned.

Rey, I mean no ill will.

Rey felt chills as she could almost feel his voice in her ears, feel his strength of touch on her skin, in her very bones. Her mind remembered Han, his body with the protruding lightsaber sticking out of his back. She felt the emotions of that moment, the tears and hurt she'd felt. She focused on this instead of the voice. She thought strongly of this fatherly figure in her life, of him falling down to the nothingness below on Starkiller base.

Don't.

The voice was angry at these images she'd concocted. Good, she wanted him to feel the pain, the suffering she had endured in losing this loved one. Then, her mind became clear again, a soothing influence. Luke. He was stopping the transaction, the exchange of images and words.

She'd lost herself.

"Luke, I'm sorry" She said aloud, but never opening her eyes.

"Easy, Rey" He comforted. "Remember to breathe"

It was true, she was prone to holding her breath as she searched her mind. She took in an intake of air; stuffing her lungs full as her mind began to stretch out again. But the voice never went away. Now, she was getting images. His rage; his hurt, his confusion.

It was just flashes but she felt strong emotions with these memories. She tried to send soothing things to counter them, remembering seeing the sunset on Jakku or meeting BB8 and saving him from Teedo. Of seeing Finn's smile when they evaded the Tie fighters, of Chewy and Han hauling Rathtars. The Adventure of it all...

Leia, that's who came into her mind next.

Seeing the beautiful once Princess now General for the first time, her regal presence fills her with awe every time she remembers it. She let this light fill her as she rolled the memories to ever corner of her mind.

Stop, please.

She froze. Did he just say please? She found nothing in her mind as important as this exchange. How had he gotten into her head? She'd never even thought this were possible. And judging by Luke's reaction; he was not quite understanding either. But instead of being afraid, she dug deeper. She was wanting to see the light in him that was sheltered behind the darkness.

She remembered her adulation of defeating him, of being able to save Finn's life in time; of the love in her heart for Finn and Poe and BB8. She let it consume her; as if there was nothing more important in the galaxy. She found peace in this moment, even with Kylo's presence. She was lively, and more clearly than before this exchange of images with him she saw the dark within herself become almost nothing.

She focused on this inner peace and repelled him from her mind as best as she could. He was still there; he'd gotten stronger. He could penetrate her mind from such a vast distance now.

How?

That was what she heard. She was confused. How what? It wasn't her that had made a connection; she thought he'd made the link between them. She found herself unsure, even with all this light around her. Maybe he had not done it; maybe he'd been meditating and had heard her voice.

How can you have such little hate inside you?

She sent the images back to him, her friends and her loved ones. His family had become hers. Luke had told her that Kylo was a lonely child much like herself; but being someone of note, Snoke had preyed on him and seduced him to the dark side. Rey, never knew the power in her; and if the paths of her and Kylo had not crossed, she would still be alone on Jakku. But Maz was right. The belonging she seeked was ahead of her, not behind. And she knew this now.

She'd never been more content.

Your light is beautiful.

"Luke, are you still there?" She asked, concerned if she should pursue this bond.

"I'm here" He said in support.

"This bond, it's growing stronger" She said worried. "But it's not like anything you've taught me since I've arrived. It's... different" He asked her in what way. "I can see him; feel him. It's not the darkside, it's his... force. The light is growing inside him, I can sense it. He's lost, lonely"

She breathed deeply and opened her eyes, cutting the connection once again. Luke looked curious. "I will have to consult the books, see if there's any record of a bond between Jedi's like this" He nodded. "It seems very odd that there's this connection between you and Ben"

Ben. Luke refused to call him by his chosen name. He was Ben Solo to Luke and when she had called him by his chosen name on several occasions Luke had told her the importance of calling him Ben. Luke still said their was hope that Ben would come back to the light; even after murdering his own father. And now, Rey saw that hope within him as she'd relayed the light in him that was wanting to come out.

Either way, Luke said for her to do her endurance training she loved so much and that he'd join her for dinner that evening. So she did just that after watching his brown cloak follow behind him.

She walked the island, running in some places, climbing in others just to build up her strength and break out in sweat. She walked down to the edges, where the falcon and Chewie were living.

She spoke with R2D2, telling him they'd go back to base soon. She had hoped that Luke would come with them; Leia would love to see him.

When it came to dinner, they convened on the place they met and conversed. He'd found nothing, only constant repetition of the force moving in ways in which we do not understand. It wasn't an answer, but he said he would continue to look.

They left each other then, and she returned to Falcon in which she slept on. It was a security blanket at this point. Something familiar on this peculiar island. When she'd got back down the mountain, she cleaned herself on the ship and dressed in her spare clothes that she arrived in. With R2 switching off and Chewie sleeping in the drivers seat, Rey got under the blankets she'd gathered and laid down away from them both.

She liked the lone sleeping, it reminded her of being back on Jakku. Other people being there it freaked her out sometimes, she wished for the simpler days on occasion.

Laying her head on the makeshift pillow, getting comfortable, she closed her eyes once again.

Feeling her mind clear, unguarded she felt the tug.

Rey.

Get out of my head, I'm trying to sleep, she replied.

She wasn't going through an evening of this, she'd not be well rested for her fighting tomorrow. She liked to work hard, but clearly she'd not worked hard enough as she'd not completely been enveloped by sleep straight away. Her mind, if not careful, could become his plaything. She'd experienced him messing with her mind before and it's not something she wishes to repeat.

Rey, you soothe me.

I said get out of my head, Ben.

She regretted saying it as she felt the wave of anger flow over her body.

He hated that, she could feel the hate.

She let it go from her body with ease, her light ridding the darkness from her.

Rey, you're light...

Ben, I'm not going to force you again, get out of my head! She focused hard on the images she'd thought of before.

The image of Leia worried for her son, crying over Han. She'd found the general like that by accident.

She'd been walking around the base before she'd left for training. She'd stood outside the general's office and had heard the cries from the room. She amplified them in her mind, made him watch it. Made him feel the love and admiration she had for the women who was so strong for her resistance. You did this.

She should not have added that there, it was a comment of hate and Rey was not about that. But she did not want to fight him, she wanted him to come back. And so she showed him all the good in the resistance. Suddenly, but not so much that Rey didn't see it coming, he fought back.

They mean nothing to me!

You were lonely, so lonely. She thought as she explored his feelings He did not like this, but he had no answer. Mother was a war hero, father too, both leaders of busy lives. You were loved Ben, you were loved. But you didn't feel that, and that thing, that predator, he seduced you.

Rey could see him more clearly, almost as if he was an image. She could see his eyes, those sad and desperate eyes. She could see the scar she'd left him, the lips which had uttered such vile words, now trembling in fear. He was afraid now more than ever. Scavenger you know nothing, nothing.

You thought ending him would help, but it's made you worse. Come back, Ben. It's not too late. She tried to appeal to the light, but it wasn't working. She then tried to give him more light, some of hers, not knowing whether it was possible. I know what it's like to be lonely, I don't have a family, they left me. I wished they'd come back. But the place I belong is ahead of me, not behind back on Jakku. I do not know where I come from.

She felt him become more frail, like her strength of light was burning away at his dark. I'm tired of it all. All I've done is fight.

Rey did not know what he meant. But she could see his face clearly now, their connection very strong. He was laying on a bed, staring at the ceiling. His chambers. He'd been crying, his helmet smashed on the floor. He'd felt the light, the pull of her from him. Sleep, Ben.

She could see the pain in his face as she said Ben. He sees everything, he sees the light in me.

Snoke. Block him out, flee. Do something, don't let his hate control you. Don't give into fear and passion.

He trembled in the bed, as if he was struggling just to even find himself some peace. Everyday he opens my mind and tries to torture the hate out of me. And I let him, but it just gets worse.

Rey felt pity. She knew he did not want that, but she felt it.

She had nothing to offer him, all she could do was give the same lessons Luke had given her.

And so that was what she tried.

Breathe, just breathe. She saw him inhale, his face so sad. Now, reach out. She waited for him to sigh as he evened the raspy breathing and his mind expanded. Now tell me, what do you see?

Darkness, Light, balance. He said, almost impatiently.

Good, very good. Now explore your mind, find your inner peace. She was patient with him. He was on edge. She waited, just a beat before she soothed his mind with her own, as Luke had done to her. She saw the sadness leave his face, it was so clear in her mind. A small smirk befell his lips. A smile suits you, Ben.

I feel the light inside me, what do I do? He sounded vulnerable. And Rey, despite everything, despite the horror he's inflicted upon the galaxy, she wanted to help. Peace through non-violence was the best way.

Run to it, let it consume you. She suggested.

I don't know how to do that. He was almost whining.

Sleep for now, Ben. You must rest. He did not reply, he just nodded. She could see it.

That night, he didn't say another word, in fact Rey saw him sound asleep, almost at peace. She fell asleep to the image of him in her mind. Ben was a beauty, and Kylo was a sin. She knew she'd gotten through to him, and as ill advised as it was to do this without Master Luke, she knew he'd be delighted to know that she was getting through to his nephew.

And he was, he was beyond elated. He knew that she was going to get through to him. But she did not go into the connection without him after that. She'd learned to control it, to close it when it needed to be closed.

It was on day 57 of the discovered connection that it made a difference however. She received a transmission from Leia on the falcon that they were getting ready to attack a fleet of star destroyers. After all, they'd promised to keep in touch. Ben had been distant that day, closing off the connection at all points. She and Luke had opened their minds together ,to see him. There had been nothing. And then, after being unable to kill his own mother with his tie fighter, Ben landed in the bay of a resistance ship and yielded.

It was time, she was to leave. And so was Luke. Luke had seated himself behind Rey and Chewie who flew the falcon. The coordinates of the Crait system were put into the navi-computer and they were off. She sent a transmission to Leia that they were heading for the resistance base. They watched the islands of Achto disappeared behind them, jumping to hyperspace and not looking back.

The journey to base was slow, but they reminisced about different stories. Luke told her of the battle of Endor, some of the stories that weren't in the myths like the Empire's Inferno Squad in which two people defected to the rebels. A warrior woman like Rey called Iden Versio had enthralled Rey. She loved the idea of women handling themselves like her. All the tales were of men, not women. Rey told Luke of Unkar Plutt and his stupid portions, of her picking the salvage from fallen Star Destroyers on Jakku.

They made it out of Hyperspace and saw the Rebel base before them, Rey was full of hope. She was glad to be back. Luke was hesitant. There was a transmission through the comms. "Do you have clearance?"

"Clearance code: 472-862, Docking bay 8. This is Rey on the Millennium falcon, General Organa is expecting us" They were granted entry. The salt flats of Crait stretched for miles they could see as they landed in base. And when they did indeed land, they all exited the ship to a wall of noise.

Everyone was returning from the fight. She saw Poe and had a reunion with him and BB8. Luke found the droid endearing straight away. Finn was next, he was exhausted after having fought with Phasma and defeated her, but he did not care. He was so happy to see Rey. She introduced Luke and Finn had saluted him.

It was then, she saw him. Stood before Leia in handcuffs, his lightsabre with another guard. He looked very tired, bloody and bruised. Finn and Poe was not in on the gossip considering Finn's protests. But Rey ignored them and walked towards the prisoner.

Rey, feeling the force flow through her, spoke. "Ben Solo"

He turned, the voice causing him to flinch. His almost black eyes found hers and suddenly they had warm tone to them. He looks exhausted in fact, but he was safe. She walked over to where they were stood, Luke behind her at a little distance. His sad eyes brightened as he uttered her name. "Rey"

"You did it" She felt her heart flutter at the way he said her name, as if a thousand thanks yous were not enough. She did not want to smile, but seeing him nod, it made her thankful and frankly her heart melt. She was worried he'd been playing her along, but seeing this broken man before her, she knew he had nothing left to fight for. "You're not going to have it easy. A lot of people on this base are going to want to kill you"

"You included?" He asked, monotone as ever. Leia was elated, Rey could see it. She was trying not to cry, but her son was stood before her and she wanted nothing more to hold him, to apologise for her mistakes in not showing how much she loved him. She'd forgive him for Han, Rey knew it. Perhaps in the grand scheme of things it was what needed to happen for Ben to come home.

But it was Rey he stared at, and that made her uncomfortable.

"Especially me" She smirked at his comment. Finn was stood next to her unsure of what was happening. "If you try anything funny, I'll run this sabre right through you without second thought" Poe had scoffed at this. "I don't want to have to do that - our bond is stronger than we realise"

"Noted" He said curtly, unsure how to act around this strange place. There was a small smirk on his face. "You saved my mind"

"I did nothing really" Rey shrugged, she and Luke had only shown him the way everything was suppose to be. "Just stopped you from being a whiny child and be a man for once"

"Don't be humble it's annoying" He sniffed. The guards began escorting him inside base, it was nearing nightfall and they needed to sure up guard. Rey walked with them, and Luke by her side.It was almost strange, laughing and joking with him as Ben and not duelling him as Kylo.

"First things first is you've got to where a different colour" Ben did not laugh. He just turned to Luke which annoyed Rey, she thought it was a good suggestion.

"You've trained her well, I'm sorry I failed you" He said, ashamed of himself. Rey felt his pain as her own then, memories of the things he'd done filled her mind. She shuddered, hoping to ease these memories.

"Ben, you failed nothing. I failed you, I failed to protect you from Snoke as he preyed on you. I'm the one at fault" Luke assured him as they hugged each other, Ben way taller than him. "But I will not fail you again"

"You cannot win against him" Ben spoke sadly.

"He might be strong, but he just lost his biggest asset" Leia smiled. Ben forced one to show on his face.

"The Jedi as we know it, must end" Ben sighed. "This is what he wants"

"I agree" Luke spoke to the surprise of Rey and Ben. "Light rises and Dark to meet it. The force awakens in a sith, a Jedi is born to meet it. The cycle goes on and on, never truly achieving balance. You both need to be trained in a new way. This way, the balance can truly be restored then"

And that was what happened.

It took them years, but Luke did it. He trained them to be a new order of Jedi that had both the light and dark in them used in a way to their advantage. They took out the first order one by one and crumbled it to the ground. It took all three of them to defeat Snoke but Rey never forgot the fateful day she discovered their bond when they did. Ben had struggle, he'd had bad days and worser days. But she always reached out, and enhanced their bond.

She'd brought him home, and this was were he was staying.

#Rey #kylo ren #ben solo #kylo x rey #rey x kylo ren #reylo #star wars #the force awakens #the last jedi #one shot #force bond

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tysmiha-witchnotes · 7 years ago

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Tarot Exercise 2.1

The Fool’s Journey - this exercise doesn’t actually require me to do anything except read, but for me it’s easier to retain stuff if i read and then retell it. The Fool’s Journey is essentially the story of the major arcana, and it’s a good way to remember what each card represents. This is based on a Rider-Waite deck, but can be generally applied to any tarot deck.

0) The Fool - The beginning of the Fool’s Journey finds The Fool ready for anything, feeling happy and adventurous but also showing a certain amount of naivety and obliviousness as he unknowingly approaches the edge of a cliff. Because The Fool sits at the number 0, he represents a certain sort of balance between positive and negative, knowing and not knowing. He’s something of a blank slate, but he’s ready to learn and experience.

1) The Magician and 2) The High Priestess - The Fool’s first encounter is with the Magician and the High Priestess, who also represent a type of balance on a grander scale. In a way, together they are the embodiment of polarity. The Magician is the positive side, representing masculine energy, creative ideas and conscious awareness. The High Priestess is the negative side, representing the unconscious mind, unrealized potential and the space for the creative ideas to manifest. The Magician and the High Priestess are the foundations upon which the rest of the world is built.

3) The Empress - Through his travels, the Fool learns to become more aware of his surroundings. The Empress is a mother figure, and the same way a baby recognizes their mother first, so does the Fool. She is warm and loving, caring and nurturing. The Empress represents nature and the senses, and through her the Fool learns about happiness derived from simplicity.

4) The Emperor - After the mother, the Fool meets the father: the Emperor. The Fool learns about structure, patterns and order, and realizes that some rules are necessary for his own well-being. At first, the Fool might be frustrated at the restrictions he encounters, but through The Emperor’s direction he begins to understand why they exist

5) The Hierophant (in some decks referred to as the Grand Master) - When the Fool leaves his parental home and goes out into the rest of the world, he’s exposed to traditions and culture, and his teacher in these things is the Hierophant. The Fool learns about social norms and how to interact with others in society, in a way, learning his place.

6) The Lovers - As he grows, the Fool enters a sort of puberty, experiencing strong desires for sexual union and a relationship. Up until this point, the Fool had not thought much of anyone else, but now he’s interested in sharing his life with someone else and caring for them as he cares for himself. At the same time, sharing his life with another requires him to have a strong foundation of values in order to stay true to himself.

7) The Chariot - In his adulthood, the Fool has developed his own identity and attained self-control. He feels confident and assertive, having accomplished so much so far in his journey. The Chariot card shows the Fool riding high on his self-satisfaction, and the pride he feels is well deserved.

8) Strength - As his journey continues, naturally the Fool will also encounter challenges and hardship that will make him question whether or not it’s worth it to keep going. This is when he must draw on his own Strength in order to develop courage and the motivation to continue. It’s also during these times of challenge that the Fool realizes that the command he wields while riding the Chariot is often best tempered with a softer sort of confidence founded in patience and kindness. This in itself is its own sort of Strength.

9) The Hermit - With the ups and downs of life, the Fool inevitably comes to ask himself what the point of all of this is -- why are we here, and what’s our purpose? The Hermit helps the Fool with some introspection and his search for answers. He teaches the Fool to seek solitude occasionally, to give himself time to reach his own conclusions.

10) The Wheel of Fortune - After spending the necessary time to do some soul searching, the Fool begins to realize that everything is connected, and that the world is an elaborate weave of cycles and patterns -- somewhere in there he may discover his own destiny. Having been alone for so much time, he can look back on his path so far and see everything that led him to this point, and now he is ready to move again.

11) Justice - Now that he has an idea of his place in the universe and what that means to him, the Fool must also learn to take responsibility for the actions he has taken that brought him this far. Only by owning up to his mistakes can he get a fresh start and walk down a more honest path. Justice offers the Fool a simple, yet difficult decision: will he try to make the necessary changes, however hard they may be? Or will he take the path of least resistance and carry on as is, stagnating any possible further growth?

12) The Hanged Man - Whatever decision the Fool makes, he does carry on with a determination to accomplish whatever goals he’s set his sights on. But it doesn’t always work out as planned, and sometimes the struggles that come with perseverance can seem impossible to endure and it will seem like the best option is to quit. At this stage, the Fool becomes the Hanged Man, seemingly tortured and helpless. But a surprising thing happens -- in forfeiting control, somehow things begin to work exactly the way they should. From this, the Fool learns to surrender to the twists and turns of life, and that there is joy to be found in simply experiencing.

13) Death - Having learned this valuable lesson, the Fool makes some major readjustments in his life. He cuts out any old and no longer useful habits and possessions. Things that once brought him happiness no longer hold the import they once did, and while getting rid of these things might be painful, the Fool knows now that this is an essential part of growth. By paring back, he makes room for new, more beautiful things.

14) Temperance - The Fool’s path so far has been a tumultuous one, sometimes joyous and other times unbearably painful, and through these experiences he has learned the value of balance and stability. Through all of his adventures in life, he has finally found the parts that truly matter and combined them to be the best version of himself. He is healthy physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

15) The Devil - Despite his newfound peace, the Fool’s search for knowledge and adventure has not been entirely quenched. In his pursuit, the Fool meets the Devil, and finds himself bound up in material desires. He feels stuck in a rut that he can’t see his way out of, so much so that he may feel like he shouldn’t even bother trying.

16) The Tower - At this point, the only way out of the Devil’s clutches is with some extreme, earth-shattering change. The Tower represents the Fool’s ego, built to protect any inner vulnerabilities but inadvertently acting as a prison, keeping the best parts of himself locked up. As painful and unwanted as it may be, the Tower must come down in order for the Fool to be free.

17) The Star - Having freed himself, and recovering from the changes he’s endured, the Fool is overcome with a sense of tranquility. His soul is unbound and he is full of new potential that overpowers any negativity he felt in the Devil’s captivity. This is the calm after the storm, and the Fool’s heart is wide open.

18) The Moon - In his euphoria, the Fool thinks with his heart more than his mind, and he lacks mental clarity. The Moon reveals the Fool’s innermost dreams -- beautiful fantasies, weird ideas, and deep seated fears alike. Facing all of this is daunting, and the Fool feels suddenly lost in the dark, unsure of what is real.

19) The Sun - As the Fool wanders hopelessly, the Sun rises and offers him the clarity he needs to find his way. It removes any confusion and fear and replaces it with enlightenment and understanding. He is imbued with a new energy and enthusiasm for life, having remembered his purpose and everything he’s capable of.

20) Judgement - The Fool is no longer a fool. He’s traveled so far, experienced victories and been brought down to ashes, his ego destroyed and his innermost self free and limitless in its love and passion for life. He knows now that happiness is at the center of everything good and worthwhile, and with that in mind, he is able to forgive himself and others for mistakes made out of ignorance. And now, Judgement calls on him to evaluate himself as he truly is, and decide what in life is most important to him. Once he has done this, he will be ready to pursue his true destiny.

21) The World - With this card, the Fool returns to his beginnings -- this time, with a more complete understanding of the World. Now that he is at peace with himself and his place, he can interact with the World in a more meaningful and productive way, using his unique abilities to help others and improve his surroundings. Because his motivations are selfless, the World sees to it that all of his efforts are rewarded and that he is successful.

The Fool’s Journey is a never-ending one, though, and soon he will begin again to reach even greater enlightenment.

#personal #tarot

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ra-devotes · 7 years ago

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Disturbing the Peace —Pastor J.J.

“Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” —John 14:27

God has already given us this peace, but the reality is that it doesn’t always feel that way.

Often, when we think about the word, peace, we think about the absence of conflict. We think that peace is when everything around us has become calm and stable, so when we ask for peace, we want a change in our circumstances. But, when Jesus talks about peace, He isn’t talking about the absence of conflict, but He’s talking about a peace that rules and reigns in the midst of the storms in life.

It’s not an outward peace, but an inner one—peace of the mind and peace of the heart. It’s an eternal peace that stabilizes, comforts, and strengthens us. It gives us confidence no matter what is happening around us.

We can continuously search for a peace, but you can’t find something that God has already given. However, there are some things that can interfere with the peace that God has already bestowed upon you-things that can be disturbing your soul and interrupting the peace of God from working in your life.

1. Unexpressed Gratitude

Not necessarily with being appreciative, but practicing gratitude in our daily lives. There’s a connection between gratitude and peace.

Sometimes when we begin to feel a loss of peace, it could be that we’re filling our souls with the wrong things. We need to make gratitude a practice.

“And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful.” —Colossians 3:15

[practice writing three things your thankful for at the end of the day]

There’s a difference between just acknowledging that your thankful from actually reflecting on the things that you’re thankful for.

[right when you wake up, start your day by giving God thanks]

Fill your heart with gratitude. Theologians describe peace as to be surrounded by the presence of the goodness of God. There’s an aspect of peace that flows into our lives when our soul becomes aware of how great and good God is. When you start your day thanking God for who He is, you become much more aware of His presence that is surrounding you.

Do not be anxious or worried about anything, but in everything [every circumstance and situation] by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, continue to make your [specific] requests known to God. —Philippians 4:6

We spend so much of our time trying to get rid of fear, worry, and anxiety, but instead of trying to get rid of these things from our heart, we need to start filling our hearts with thanks.

We need to continuously remind ourselves of all the good that God does. If we do that, then we wont have any room for all the other negative junk that comes into our hearts and minds that steals our peace that God wants to give you.

Be too grateful to be worried! Fill your hearts and minds with something else.

2. Unrealistic Expectations of Yourself

There are so many ideals of how we think we should be like (what we should look like, where we should be at in life, who you are supposed to be, how you should be acting, etc.) The only thing that these thoughts do is lead you into a place of frustration, shame, and self-resentment because they become so real inside your mind.

All of us have unrealistic expectations that keep us in a place of discouragement because we will never live up to them.

Sometimes our unrealistic expectations can be coming from a good place because we want to be everything that God has called us to be (we want to be the best versions of ourselves, we want to make an impact on the world, etc.) But, regardless of our good intentions, this still can sometimes lead us into having unrealistic expectations of ourselves.

“Well meaning, but unchecked expectations are loaded with potential for resentment.” —Brene Brown

When we have thoughts about ourselves that go unchecked, it can lead us to a place where we no longer have peace within ourselves because we’re not at peace with ourselves.

“and you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul(life), and with all your mind (thought, understanding), and with all your strength. ‘This is the second: ‘You shall [unselfishly] love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.” —Mark 12:30-31

We can become so hard on ourselves, that sometimes we need to remember to love ourselves with how we extend our grace to others.

Sometimes we might need to show ourselves the same level of compassion and patience we show to others. There are things that we say to ourselves that we would never say to others, yet we tolerate these things we say about ourselves and wonder why we don’t have peace.

“Finally, believers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable and worthy of respect, whatever is right and confirmed by God’s word, whatever is pure and wholesome, whatever is lovely and brings peace, whatever is admirable and of good repute; if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think continually on these things [center your mind on them, and implant them in your heart].

The things which you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things [in daily life], and the God [who is the source] of peace and well-being will be with you.” —Philippians 4:8-9

There’s a connection between the thoughts we have and the peace we experience. Paul was challenging the Philippians to force their minds to dwell on the thoughts that reflect God’s thoughts, God’s intentions, and His disposition towards them so that the peace of God, the God of peace can live in their hearts.

“I will give thanks and praise to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, And my soul knows it very well.” —Psalm 139:14

The Psalmist is talking about YOU. God’s works are wonderful. You are wonderful because God made YOU. We are fearfully and wonderfully made.

God loves you where you’re at right now and it’s imperative to believe that. God wants you to know how wonderful and precious you are to Him.

We need to think about how our lack of inner peace with ourselves can disturb our loved one’s peace. If we’re feeling so downright awful about ourselves, imagine how you’re making the people you love feel like nothing they do is good enough to help.

It’s really difficult to go on the journey that God has called us to when we’re just beating ourselves us by our own unrealistic expectations. You cannot become who God intends you to be until you accept who you are today.

A place of self-acceptance comes from knowing that God loves us, that it is unconditional, and that we are fearfully and wonderfully made. Let this give you the confidence to be the person that you want to be.

Change the way you talk about yourself. Quit telling yourself that you’re worthless and not good enough. You need to tell yourself the good things about yourself, so they reflect God’s thoughts about you. Make your soul fully aware.

3. Unhealthy Motivation

Another reason why we have a lack of peace is because our circumstances just suck. Things can be attacking us at all different directions and it just leaves us feeling chaotic in our hearts. When we feel a sense of restlessness and uneasiness we try to do things to change things because we feel like something is just wrong with what we’re doing.

Sometimes the problem isn’t what we are doing, but why we are doing it.

If the way we respond to a situation leaves us feeling uneasy, it might be because we are responding from a place of selfishness.

It is impossible to live from a place of peace when our primary concern is me, me, and me.

“Now the mind of the flesh (our own selfish desires) is death [both now and forever—because it pursues sin]; but the mind of the Spirit is life and peace [the spiritual well-being that comes from walking with God—both now and forever];“ —Romans 8:6

The peace of God cannot come into your life if you’re being controlled by your flesh. If the primary motivation in the back of your mind is ‘whats in it for me,’ you can never experience the peace of God the way He wants you to. If we can align our intentions with the purposes, the plans, and the ways of the spirit of God, then the peace of God can flow through us. We need to align our motivation with God’s thoughts and plans.

“Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit [through factional motives, or strife], but with [an attitude of] humility [being neither arrogant nor self-righteous], regard others as more important than yourselves.” —Philippians 2:3

We need to shift our motivation. Maybe we don’t have to change our situation, but we need to shift our motivation from a place of ‘whats in it for me’ to a place of ‘how can I value others before myself.’

How can we make our life’s purpose in alignment with God’s purpose so we can be a blessing to the world so people can see God work through us for others. We need to shift our ambition to things that matter to God, which is to above love others!

Even in church or with devotionals, we still can become driven with asking ‘what’s in it for me’ or ‘what can God do for me.’ However, the wonderful thing about the Lord is that He still wants to bless us. He wants to meet us in those places, but when our only concern is what God can do for us, it really places a limiting factor for what He can do in and for our lives.

Make your life about what God can do through you. Live purposely so others can see God in you.

Don’t live your life thinking about how you’re going to come across, live your life thinking about how you can be a blessing to others.

Everyone in the world is looking for peace and we’re always so focused on how we could get more more and more, but the truth is that the path of peace isn’t what we can get, but in what we can give.

#elevation church #christian devotions #christian blogs #daily devotions #trust God's plan #trust God #prayer #inspiration #hope #faith #Christianity #steven furtick #radevotes

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dailyaudiobible · 5 years ago

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07/26/2019 DAB Transcript

2 Chronicles 17:1-18:34, Romans 9:25-10:13, Psalms 20:1-9, Proverbs 20:2-3

Today's the 26th day of July. Welcome to the Daily Audio Bible. I am Brian and it is a joy to be here with you as we end another work week. And we’re about to complete the final full week of July this year. Next week we will start in one month and end in another. And we see day by day the passage of time and we see day by day God's faithfulness to us in His Word. And, so, we’ll take the next step forward. We’re in the book of second Chronicles in our Old Testament reading. We will read chapters 17 and 18 today. And this week we've been reading from the English Standard Version.

Commentary:

Okay. So, obviously as we continue our journey through Paul's letter to the Romans, we see that there’s some highly theological technical language in here. And at some points as he's making an argument for what the law is and what the law is not, and this is a very controversial conversation that he is having, especially from people who have been raised in Judaism and who revere the law. Paul is obviously misunderstood on a number of levels, but we can see from this letter, especially even from today's reading that he’s not attempting to throw the religion he was raised in, which is Judaism, out the window in favor of like a completely different belief system. Instead, he's trying to show that Jesus is a part of that story, like He continues that story and that story began with Abraham not Moses, which is a very…absolutely irreplaceable distinction for Paul's theology. Paul's not just writing this like for no reason. He was a well-educated person, a very articulate, deeply devoted to God, a Pharisee, a person like giving and devoting their life to strictly obeying the Mosaic law and Paul had attempted to find his way to God through that process only to discover that it's impossible. It's impossible to become perfect on your own by just simply trying to obey certain sets of rules. So, Paul in his own personal struggle and then in his encounter with Jesus begin to realize the essence of what Jesus was teaching, that God's people had lost the plot of the story. They were trying to obey a set of rules that were no longer connected to the spiritual underpinning and the result was that the life was sucked out of the law and there’s only this shell of ritual left behind or just in the words of Paul, “what shall we say then? Gentiles who did not pursue righteousness have attained it, that is a righteousness that is by faith, but that Israel who pursued the law that would lead to righteousness did not succeed in reaching that law? Why? Because they did not pursue it by faith, but as if it were based on works. They have stumbled over the stumbling stone.” So, here's the deal. What we’re talking right here for Paul and for that matter for Jesus, this is where the train went off the tracks. The law was to be a continual reminder of what God had brought them out of and to lead them into complete dependence on God and into deep intimacy with Himself, but instead over the generations the law had become this source of power and control that lead people to believe they could achieve righteousness before God all on their own if they could simply obey the law perfectly, which nobody could. And Paul had tried hard. And, so, Paul says it like this, “I do bear them witness that they have a zeal for God, but not according to knowledge. For being ignorant of the righteousness of God and seeking to establish their own, they did not submit to God's righteousness”, right? So, nobody could do it. As hard as people have been trying to do it, no one could reach perfection until Jesus came along. And then Paul says Jesus is essentially the first picture of a person who got it right, like was perfect and He didn't do it by strictly adhering to the rituals. And we know this because not adhering to the rituals was what got Jesus in trouble. So, for Paul, Jesus demonstrated that He fulfilled the law by demonstrating His complete and total dependence on God and His obvious intimacy with the Father and that can only happen through faith. Right? The reality of what we hope for, the evidence of things we cannot see. So, Paul finally threw his hands up in the air realizing that it was impossible to obey the law perfectly in one's own strength. No one ever did it before but maybe the impossibility was the point. The law was to lead a person to the end of their own feeble attempts to be righteous and at the end of that road there’s nowhere to go but to take a leap of faith and that leap of faith…and man…this is not so Jewish that we can't understand this as Gentile Christians because we’re trying to follow all the rules and find the right recipes and the right mixture of things that we should do and prayers that we should pray to get the things done that we need to be done and how to find inner peace inside of ourselves and try to find the Holy Spirit’s leading…like we’re trying to do it by rote, by rule, usually. Maybe not everybody, but me. Like, I can raise my hand and say yeah, when I really got serios about my faith I got really serious about obeying, like really trying to deconstruct it to the point that I could say this is how it works. And every road leads to one place, a leap of faith. There is no other way to find intimacy with God other than to take a leap of faith and believe in what you have no control over. So, if life has been lived under a cloud, wondering when the mighty hammer of God's gonna fall on you because you're breaking the rules, that's not what's happening. Like, that's not what’s happening here. Faith in Christ is the bridge and once you cross over it you have been made perfect in God's sight and your upbringing or your ethnicity or whatever it’s not…it doesn't matter anymore. Anyone who calls upon the name of the Lord has this open invitation or again like, let’s just read it out of the Bible. This is Paul's words. This is his way of explaining this. “If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one believes and is justified and with the mouth one confesses and is saved. For the Scripture says, everyone who believes in Him will not be put to shame. For there is no distinction between Jew and Greek for the same Lord is Lord of all, bestowing His riches on all who call on Him. For whoever calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.” And that's that. Like, there's no blackout dates on that. Like, there's no caveats. There’s no exclusions there. It just is what it is. So, if you're one of the ones here in this community who have been an outsider for so long you don't know where you stand. If you are a strong believer trying to obey all the rules perfectly and feeling like a failure every day because you can't or if you’re just here trying to find out what the Bible actually says, but you don't believe anything, if you’ve never crossed that threshold and leapt into a relationship with God, maybe this is your time. And if you’ve lived the rituals that keep you in fear then maybe this is your time to walk in freedom. I'm not making something up here. We’re reading from the book of Romans from the pen of the apostle Paul who wrote two thirds of the New Testament that comprises the faith of all believers of Jesus. Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.

Song:

Come To Jesus

This is for the weary and the weak This is for the desperate and ashamed This is for the hopeless hiding in the shadows Cupping hands around a flicker of faith This is for the ones who don’t belong This is for the silent castaways This is for the sinner peeking through the stained glass From a sidewalk in the cold, driving rain

We all fall down We all need saving once in a while You are not alone

We all lose faith And lean on mercy but through our darkest night He said He’d wait for us Just come to Jesus

For anyone who’s given up on God For those who’ve tripped and fallen out of grace For anyone who’s looking To the bottom of a bottle For the strength to make it through another day

He did not come to raise the living Or touch the eyes of those who see

It was for the bitter and burned out It was for the unforgivable It was for the failure standing on the bridge Because the guilt’s too high a price to pay to live

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bubblefrogkpoppinhoes-blog · 8 years ago

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Written Shipment For My Best Friend

Could you please do a written shipment for my best friend?

1. Important Things:

Name - Brianna

[Can only give you First Name]

Age - 21

Birthday - April 16, 1996

2. Nicknames:

Bri - Common Nickname Many Use.

Bri Bear - Her Second Best Friend and I use.

Blue Eyes - Shayla and Danny are only allowed to call her this.

[They know her since childhood]

Momma - Her friends that didn’t have mothers call her this because she became mature first and helped them, also how she takes care of children.

Momma Bear - It was a joke of a nickname that just stuck, only few that are close to her call her this.

[Brianna is only protective of her name Blue Eyes]

3. Body Appearance:

Hair is Jawline Bob cut, Even Cut, No Bangs.

Hair Color - Natural is Medium Brunette, Dyed Color {Currently} Ruby Red.

Face is Round, Gradual Thin Eyebrows, Thin Almond Eyes, Natural Turned Up Nose, Thin Lips, and Natural Round Ears.

Eye Color is Bluish Gray {Completely Blue if Her Crush/Lover is near, Only Happy {Which is almost all the time} and when it rains}, {Completely Grey if they is a sudden change of weather, is extremely sick, in severe pain, and depressed}.

Lip Color is Natural Light Pink.

Skin Tone is Fair Light {Caucasian Medium}.

Height is Six Feet Tall with No Inches.

Weight is Two Hundred and Fifty Pounds, She is mixed between muscle and Fat. She is somewhat chubby.

Others - Wears Glasses, if it is a very special event than a necklace and clip on earrings.

4. Need to Know:

She is refuses to wear makeup because if she wears it for a hour it starts to make her uncomfortable, her skin turns red, her skin is also gets dry and itchy.

[Plus she looks a lo better without makeup, natural beautiful.]

Allergic to Mold but if someone is in it or some animal she will ignore her doctors others and help them.

[Which results her going to the hospital, a lot in the past.]

Brianna doesn’t know her strength so she is a very touchy person, if she touches someone or something she is focused on her strength so she doesn’t hurt anyone.

[Is very strong, annoy her to the point she truly death glares and she will knock you out in one punch.]

Is a very, very, extremely laid back person. It takes forever to piss this woman off truly, if you do or someone does. Run or stay out of the way.

[Only seen her pissed once and it wasn’t pretty, all I can say. Police people and Hospital people know her quite well.]

5. Personality:

When you first see Brianna from afar when she is alone, she always looks Angry, Mean, and Cold. She doesn’t seem approachable or doesn’t seem like someone you want to talk with but this is completely wrong, it is natural for her to look like that because it is a defense. When you first see Brianna from afar with friends, she looks to have a Warm and Welcoming Appearance which results to a lot of people around her smiling or feeling happy.

Brianna is a laid back and a long term with short bursts of anger person, she is a mother figure and mini shots of childish moments. She is a mixture people love and hate, Brianna loves people that are honest, direct, straightforward, and isn’t afraid to do something crazy/stupid with her.

She is independent, Strong, Brooding Type, Leader, Brutally Honest, Direct, Straightforward, Crazy, Fearless, Funny, Morbid, Openly Dirty Minded with people that are comfortable with that, Body Language Reader, Knows More Than She Speaks, Sees More Than Us, Already has escape plans if shit hits the fan, Brave, Bold, Will Give her opinion honestly when she sees fit.

6. Experience:

Brianna had to grow up and became mature around 10-13, she was sexually harassed, molested, and raped by her best friend’s father and brother {who are dead now}. This resulted in her keeping her feelings that aren’t happy inside, {This is how we can read her eyes}.

She was bullied for being tall, chubby, and only having two friends. She read a lot and also looked up a lot of answers online, she doesn’t talk about the past but will help anyone who is going through rough patches like her.

Around 13-15 she cut {shoulders, thighs, the sides of her waist}, she stopped cutting when she met her first lover Vanessa who went through the same like her, they helped each other until Brianna’s last year of school and Vanessa broke her heart. Brianna was broken but she refused to cry in front of people, which results in her being alone a lot to know herself. {This helped her know herself better than anyone.}

[Which is why she is so good at reading body language]

Brianna has a low sex drive but she jokes about sexual things a lot with Shayla and Danny or the friends that are as dirty minded as her, {which are the men}. Brianna is bisexual, she will not hide it. If she likes something than she will yell it if they are across the room or tell them when she passes by, may it be their smile to their ass, She will tell them.

A lot of us {friends}, go to her for help or go to her for some company, may whatever it be it is hard to find her alone unless she is working {works at Pizza Hut} or she asked to be alone.

Momma, that was earned from the youngest member of that group that was 13 at the time, Kayla was the first to ever call her that and Brianna always been Momma or Momma Bear of the group. She is as protective and fierce as a Momma Bear but also as loving like a Momma.

If Brianna can’t fix something, don’t think that will stop her, she will find someone, something, or look it up how to fix it. Brianna isn’t someone to leave things unfixed or bent, she never sees anything broken unless someone throws it away.

Brianna is an adventurous person so don’t be surprise if she breaks a few minor laws or trespasses, she wants to go to many countries and states. She wants to see the world at its finest.

Her grandparents on both sides taught her their native tongues at a young age and spoke to her when she was just a baby. Her main language she speaks in is English but she knows Danish, Russian, German, Irish, Polish, Jewish, Black Foot {Indian Tribe} but now she is currently learning Chinese, Japanese, and Korean {Knows enough to speak in broken sentences}.

Hope this helps, she is my best friend and i always love to know what people give her.

BTS and GOT7 please, also this may take a bit {I don’t care though because you are very good} longer but could you give her some longer results?

[Like how they would met, how they feel about her, see her in their eyes, how they ask her how, what they think of her, etc? If you need more informant just ask, I will answer as soon as possible. PLEASE AND THANK YOU]

Thank you for the submission, I will try my best, I think it is lovely you are submitting for your best friend and thank you for the support and compliment <3

In BTS I ship Brianna with Jin. I think he would love every single part of her appearance and compliment it constantly, making her feel like the most loved girl in the world, also their appearance would suit each other and they would look great together. I think her age would also suit him well as he’s around 5 years older and it would give him the chance to look after her and protect her, giving her a release from having to be the mature one, she could let her inner child out a bit more and Jin would love and protect her in every way he can :). Also height wouldn’t be an issue as he is around her height (just a bit under, trust me I know, I am also six foot and I constantly check the bts members heights haha). I think he would like the nickname Momma as he would be thinking of their future together and when actually having kids together he would definitely call her momma. He would love her natural beauty and encourage it. He would also try his best to help her avoid mold any way he can so his baby doesn’t get sick. He would also try his best not to piss her off and love that she refines her strength in order not to hurt anyone. He would love every aspect of her personality, that despite all she has been through she is so strong and caring, that she is prepared and can read people so well, that she has that sense of humor that would make him laugh constantly and is honest. He would help her open up and be able to read her eyes, he wouldn’t push the help, he’d know where he stands and help her gradually as he would care for her so deeply that he wouldn’t mind taking the time to open up the real her. He would talk things out with her, making sure both people are as happy as they can be and when they aren’t they will be able to talk it out in a way she is comfortable to, it would be Jin’s mission to make her feel safe to discuss everything with him. He would always find more ways to make her the happiest girl in the world and really treasure her. He would love her honesty and open mindedness especially with her sexuality, he’d love her confidence and respect her decisions. He would also want to go to her for advice but also offer her advice if she asks. He would love her passion to fix what is broken and he would help her to fix whatever’s broken. He would love her adventurous side and encourage her to pursue it, going with her to many new and exciting places. He would love how many languages she speaks and want to learn from her the languages, even if broken, he’d want to be able to communicate with her family any way he can. I think they would meet somewhere like a park, in a peaceful setting, he would probably see her beaming in the sunlight talking to her friends with such love and energy and go to introduce himself to her. They would proceed to meet each other regularly, going to try new things each time. He would think she is so wonderful and interesting each time, I think he would eventually ask her out when it’s just the two of them, be it in a house or on a long path way near the ocean, he be straightforward and ask her to be his girlfriend. If she said yes he would be the happiest man in the world and often in the relationship he would imagine her as the perfect wife and mother and would be anticipating the day he could ask her to marry him :)

In Got7 I ship Brianna with JB. I think with their ages being similar they can bond over more things such as what’s relevant in their time period/ what they grew up with. He would think all the nicknames are adorable and would love to hear where she earned them from. He would adore her appearance and they would suit each other well making their looks together pop. He would pick up quickly on the change of eye colour and be able to read her mood better everyday. He would love her simplicity with accessories and make up, he would encourage her to embrace her natural beauty and he would love how she looked when doing so, he would love all of her preciously. The height is also very close so that wouldn’t be an issue either and he wouldn’t mind as he would love her regardless. He would love that she holds back her strength and controls it but might encourage her to take it out on a punching bag once and a while to relieve any built up stress or turmoil, to see if that method works for her. He would also keep her far away from mold. He would love her warm appearance and very much want to know more about her, be intrigued by her. He would be very honest with her and appreciate the same back to him. He would love her motherly nature and would want her to share that with him so he can be more fatherly, he would be thinking ahead to a time where they are both mother and father, he can call her Momma then and be happy with the strong and kind children they are raising. He would love everything her personality has to offer, her fearless, caring and funny features would be something he both treasures and admires in her, she would be his daily inspiration and he would love her even more for that. He would make sure she never has to go through those horrible circumstances again, he would care for her, protect her and give her the best life he can. He would also give her time to open up to him, never making her feel pressured. He would love the dirty mindedness and often joke with her about those sorts of things, making both laugh. He also would love her openness with sexuality and everyday life. He would also go to her for advice and want her to be able to do the same in regards to him. He would give her space if she wanted to be alone. He would help her fix whats broken no matter what it is. He would love her passion and knowledge for languages and help her any way he can whilst also wanting to know the languages her family knows to better communicate with them and properly pay his respects to them and thank them for bringing such a loving and strong woman into his life. I think they would meet somewhere in South Korea, like at a festival or something similar, he would bump into her and she would respond in Korean, he would be probably shocked at first that she could speak it and therefore be even more intrigued by her, he would also be taken aback by her stunning looks. they would then proceed to “accidentally” bump into each other and exchanging conversation, she would learn more Korean from him, he could learn many languages from her. I think they would often meet up for study dates, each time he become more infatuated by her and eventually I think as they are walking home together after studying at the library he would stop her in the most aesthetic spot, for example when the blossoms are blooming and wind is making them fall, he would directly ask her if she would go out with him. Assuming she says yes the two of them would have a lovely time dating, doing various exciting things together (possibly some trespassing haha) and they would be very happy together. He would protect her lovingly and be like the Father Bear to her Momma Bear :)

I hope you and Brianna enjoy this :)

~Admin Bubble <3

*WARNING some content might be uncomfortable for some, if so don’t feel obligated to read it*

#bts #bts ships #jin #seokjin #mama jin #got7 #got7 ships #jb #jaebum #submission

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daanselein · 8 years ago

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Questionnaire: Your character's stats

This test of 18 (or 26) questions allows you to turn your character's concept and background into the classical D&D attributes.

How does it work:

Answer to each of the questions from the perspective of your character

Select the choice that best describes your character's case

If multiple choices apply, select the one with the highest point-value1

Write your answers down as you answer the questions

Count your character's stats using the scale in the end

If you want quick results, don't read the hidden text parts

1 But only if the character meets the criteria of all of the previous choices. When undecided between two, pick the lower one.

This was originally a little experiment that led into the creation of the Diceless Role-playing System for GW2 environment for storytelling purposes and Dungeon Master events. The system is now converted to any environment. The separated part presented here allows an easier comparison between various characters. You can, for example, easily compare which of five characters is physically strongest without explaining the entire character story to every fellow player of the group. Turning your character's background into numerical form can also serve as a tool of gaining insight to your own character's qualities, his strengths and weaknesses. It can reveal if you've created a character that is "too perfect" in all ways, or help to spot faulty causal chains, such as an orphan-born character who has lived on the streets all his life, but who still seems to have lot of coin to spend and superb fighting skills without any reasonable source. Along the questionnaire, you will find 8 extra questions that are hidden. Answer to these as well, if you wish to observe additional stats of your character, such as his Combat Rating - the general level of his combative skills.

1. Muscular structure •Due to disability, sickness or something else, you're particularly weak ••You dislike heavy lifting and carrying weighty equiptment •••Among your own race, you would be fairly average in strength ••••You're fairly well-built and have either exercised a lot or done physical labor during your life •••••Like blacksmith or warrior, you exercise your muscles a lot every day ••••••You would be considered to be among the most physically powerful among your people 2. Health •You're sickly and very frail by your build ••Often sick, you require a lot of sleep and dislike hard physical labor •••You're an average, healthy villager, but not above catching the common flu ••••Fairly robust and strong, you enjoy outdoors life and challenges •••••Quite resilient to alcohol and poisons, you don't bother to look at minor bruises or cuts either ••••••Never sick, you require only a couple hours of sleep a night and still have abundant energy 3. Eye-hand coordination •Nonexistential: if you try to catch something, someone loses an eye ••Tasks requiring precision are beyond you and you're more comfortable with rougher tools •••Throwing items or archery are not too demanding to you ••••You generally hit what you're aiming at and would make a good archer •••••You could be a professional juggler with your quick and precise hands ••••••You could be a professional juggler - with flaming scimitars Note: Don't get confused; this has nothing to do with the skill of using weapons, but rather accuracy itself. If the character doesn't know how to use weapons, consider him throwing a rock to a target. 4. Movement •When you stumble, it takes a while for you to get back up ••Generally moving slowly, it is difficult for you to change direction once you've gained pace •••You stumble on occasion, but not too often, quickly getting back to your feet ••••You rarely stumble and your pace is quicker than that of those around you •••••There is grace in your movement: you can manage cartwheels and backflips with ease ••••••Flying kicks and somersaults in the air aren't that challenging 5. Age (physical perspective) •You're very old (venerable) or very young (pre-teens) ••You're in your teens (humans: 11-15) or a "veteran" (humans: 50+) •••You're in late teens (humans: 16-19) or middle-aged (humans: 40+) ••••You're a young adult (humans: 20-24) or past prime (humans: 30+) •••••You're in your physical prime (humans: 25-30) ••••••You're a shining exemplar of a young hero of your race Note: To qualify for rating 6 here, the character should be in his prime, and particularly strong, energetic and otherwise capable atop of that. 6. Race •Regardless of your race, you're particularly small and fragile ••You're a human •••You're a gifted human (mutant, shapeshifter, etc) ••••You're half pure blood human •••••You're a pure blood (vampire, werewolf, angel, demon) ••••••You're a god or a god’s son/daughter Spoiler: Two extra questions

9. Talent, imagination, abstract thinking

•You're not sure what that is, but you probably don't have it

••Not the brightest candle, much evades your understanding or slips quickly from your memory

•••Can do normal merchantsman's mathematics, but no abstract and philosophical concepts

••••A fond friend of stories, songs, books, and a good memory to go with that

•••••An author of the former, constantly daydreaming, debating, making inventions

••••••Abstract, geometrical and even insanity-bordering concepts are just your cup of tea

10. Willpower

•You are easily discouraged and don't often initiate anything

••You tend to abandon a cause if you don't get active support

•••You dislike doing something when faced with problems and hardships - better move along

••••You like to stick with your stances, but not so far you could said to be stubborn

•••••You ARE stubborn and rarely change your mind once you've made it

••••••Would return back as a ghost to complete an unfinished task you set your mind into

11. Schooling

•Illiterate: you haven't been formally taught by anyone

••Received basics of formal teaching like letters and numbers in tutorship of somekind

•••Had a good upbringing with a private teacher, but haven't pursued academic life since

••••Have studied in an actual academy, library or monastery for years - could be called a scholar

•••••Held a position in such facility - you taught an art or were part of some project or experiment

••••••A long academic life comparable to that of a professor

12. Age (mental perspective)

•You're in your pre-teens

••You're in your teens or slightly post-teens

•••You're in your physical prime or little beyond

••••You're middle-aged (humans: 40+)

•••••You're old of age (humans: 50+)

••••••You're venerable (humans: 60+)

Note: If you select a higher mental age than the character's physical age is, make sure you have a really good reason. "He had to grow up quickly" or "she's more mature than the most" don't cut it.

13. Mental stability

•You have a short fuse when it comes to emotions - you'd make a fine berserker

••You're fairly gullible and tend to get angry or cry often

•••You're not beyond an occasional outburst, but most often hold your temper in check

••••Having some sceptic tendency, you often oppose others and strive for critical thinking

•••••Emotions can rarely be read from your features; opposing your own friends is no problem

••••••You're the calm eye of the storm even in most demanding and difficult situations

14. Spirituality

•Your heart is closed to the world; you're capable of truly inhuman deeds

••Opportunist: the feelings of others are almost always secondary to your personal gain

•••Emphasis on your own well-being, you sometimes consider the feelings of others too

••••It is difficult to see the suffering of others and you often seek to help them

•••••Altruist: you would help them even if you disliked them personally

••••••Transcended: you have found your place and purpose in the world and are at peace

15. Appearance

•For a member of your race, you're ugly as a boot and know it

••Disfigured or scarred, but otherwise about average

•••You blend well into the crowd with your fairly plain features

••••Noticable due to your good looks, first impressions are generally good

•••••You stand out from the crowd for your beautiful features, inner glow or fashion style

••••••Regal or divine: your dazing looks stop people at their tracks

16. Influence

•You find it difficult to work with other people

••Most comfortable when working within a small local group of associates or close friends

•••You rather follow than lead, but have a circle of contacts and even some friends

••••People like your presence and listen to your words - they gladly do favors to you

•••••Natural born leader: you likely run an organization or lead a group

••••••Major player of high intrigue or a full-time social butterfly with infinite contacts

17. Magnetism

•Huh? What's that?

••Carefree: you're often dismissed by others and don't have much authority

•••When you get serious, other people usually stop laughing as well and listen

••••Your glare makes people shut up; your smile beckons

•••••Professional: you'd make a good stage artist - or a drill sergeant

••••••Whatever the emotion you want to rouse, the crowd around feels it in their bones

18. Alertness

•A wooden-legged ogre pirate could ambush you

••You don’t generally watch over your shoulder or care about your surroundings

•••Average person; not overly concerned, but notice when obvious danger is present

••••You usually notice when something’s amiss; it is difficult to surprise you

•••••It is next to impossible to approach you without waking you when you sleep

••••••It is like you have eyes in your back too; you seem to notice everything around you

19. Intuition

•When guessing heads-or-tails, you usually lose ••Your world is quite black and white, only what you can see and touch exists •••You have good days and bad when it comes to sensing things ••••The back of your neck usually itches when someone is sneaking upon you •••••You possess a true sixth sense and perceive things others do not ••••••The invisible world is visible to you; you possess a magical awareness of things

20. Sensory perception

•You’ve lost at least one of your senses permanently ••At least one of your senses is severely impaired or all are below average •••Your senses are pretty much normal and unhindered ••••At least one of your senses is extraordinarily keen, others average or above •••••You make up any shortcomings with two or more extraordinarily keen senses ••••••One of your senses could be considered truly superhuman, regardless of what others are

21. Trade, profession or position •You don't have a trade, profession or position in the community ••Apprentice: currently learning some trade or profession, or a pending position •••Journeyman: leaning under a master and soon graduating as a free practicioner ••••Master of some trade, profession or position or hold an equal status •••••You have an established position of a well-known master of your trade ••••••Grandmaster: you've dedicated at least past 30 years to your chosen career Examples: Seraph, mercenary, blacksmith, teacher, shopkeeper, fletcher, priest 22. Upbringing •Street kid: you grew up without a real upbringing ••Adopted: you received some upbringing in the orphanage or with foster parents •••Grew up in a lower class family that could provide only the rudimentary necessities ••••Middle class: you likely received boons like advice, schooling, coin and contacts •••••Nobility: you had private teachers, fine clothes and coin to spend ••••••You also inherited your family's treasures and can be considered wealthy indeed 23. Fortunes •You haven't had any truly successful prospects in life ••Fate has not been kind - your projects haven't kicked off very well, yet •••A career of really varying success ••••Be it with dice or working opportunities, sometimes the fortunes smile upon you •••••Your projects have taken off very well and you're a successful practicioner of your trade ••••••You're among the luckiest or most professional people around - your exploits are famous 24. Combat training •You've received no formal combat training ••Few tips of self-defense, but nothing close to formal training •••Militia training: you've received rudimentary training and can use blades and guns ••••You had private lessons with a fencing master or squired a knight when you grew up •••••You still practice actively at the local training grounds, daily ••••••Swordmaster or equivalent: dedicated to the art and been so for decades Note: Combat Training mostly comes from others, masters and seniors. Training by yourself doesn't get you beyond level 1-2. Training "in the field" or just fighting doesn't add points either, as it belongs to Field Experience. 25. Field experience •Not counting a fist fight or two, you've stayed out of battles ••Streets: you've brawled, but nobody has died - at least on purpose •••Mean streets: you've fought with deadly intent and may have killed someone ••••Skirmishes: seen actual battlefield, comrades and enemies dying, but not too often •••••Veteran of at least one full-scale war campaign, you likely have injuries yourself ••••••Battlefield is where you are at home - you don't seem to belong to times of peace 26. Scarring and traumatic experiences •Ordinary experience of wrong, loss and mortality ••Lingering memories of troubling things that don't bother you too often •••Noteworthy trauma in some area that causes you a lot of sleepless nights or nightmares ••••Something that haunts you daily and seems impossible to discard •••••Having suffered a life-altering trauma, you became a monk to find redemption ••••••Personality-defining trauma: "You killed my father - prepare to die!”

What in the stats? The classical character attributes, derived from D&D and many other similar games represent the character's basic qualities. In pen & paper RPGs, these stats are generally randomly defined by rolling three d6 dice. Here you have already defined your character's similar stats through the background you've created, without a single roll! Strength (STR) explains how physically strong the character is, how much he can lift and carry and generally how hard he hits. It's the primary attribute for warrior-esque characters, alongside with CON. Dexterity (DEX) shows how quick, agile and precise a character is, and how good he's in tasks involving climbing, jumping, dodging, riding, in operations of stealth, and using light weapons. It's the primary attribute for rogue-esque characters. Constitution (CON) defines how much punishment a character can withstand, and generally how tough and resilient he is. It is used to defend against conditions of sickness, poison, and other physical ordeals. It usually defines the character's Health Points, and is therefore important to all fighters. Intelligence (INT) describes the character's brilliance and wits, mathematical thinking, aptitude in sorcerous magic, raw willpower, memory and puzzle-solving skills. It is the primary attribute for mage-esque characters. Wisdom (WIS) goes alongside with INT, but rather describes how mature and experienced the character is - and especially how much he is likely to learn from that experience. It also shows attunement with the surrounding world and its gods, and can refer to things such as "good karma" and give spiritual resilience. It is the primary attribute for priest-esque characters. Charisma (CHA) is dedicated to the social qualities and skills of the character, like his outwards appearance, but also gift for speaking, convincing others, intimidation or entertainment and showmanship such as telling stories, dancing or playing an instrument. It's the primary attribute for bard-esque characters. Awareness (AWA) is my own addition to the classical attribute system. It pictures the character’s alertness of his surroundings, the ability to sense danger, perception, eye for details and the extent of natural senses and intuition. It’s the primary attribute for ranger-esque characters.

Finally, to count your character's numerical attributes, sum up the following:

For Strength (STR): Questionnaire results of 1 + 5 + 6

For Dexterity (DEX): Questionnaire results of 3 + 4 + 5

For Constitution (CON): Questionnaire results of 2 + 5 + 6

For Intelligence (INT): Questionnaire results of 9 + 10 + 11

For Wisdom (WIS): Questionnaire results of 12 + 13 + 14

For Charisma (CHA): Questionnaire results of 15 + 16 + 17

For Awareness (AWA): Questionnaire results of 18 + 19 + 20

You received a number ranging between 3-18 for each attribute.

And you have successfully turned your character into a numerical form!

More stats (optional)

These following stats describe further qualities of the character:

Combat Rating (CR): Questionnaire results of 5 + 6 + 7 + 8 + 24 + 25. According to the result (6-36) the character is either a: 7-16 Novice 17-26 Journeyman 27-36 Master

Health Points (HP): CON rating + question 10 (Willpower) According to the result (4-24), the character has: 4-10 One health point 11-17 Two health points 18-24 Three health points

Magical Potential (MP): INT rating + question 12 (Age: mental perspective) According to the result (4-24), the character has: 4-9 No true potential (No spells) 10-15: Minor potential (1 spell) 16-20 Moderate potential (2 spells) 21-24 Extreme potential (3 spells) Note: According to the Diceless Role-playing System this MP can be active or passive. Characters with passive potential don't have the ability to cast spells, regardless of how high their MP is.

Sanity (Sa): WIS rating MINUS question 26 (Scarring and traumatic experiences) The result is the character's Sanity rating. According to that, the character is either: 0 (or under): Deranged or psychotic 1-6 Disturbed, quirky or neurotic 7-12 Steady and operational 13-17 Calm and serene

Wealth (We): Questionnaire results of 21 + 22 + 23 According to the results (3-18), the character belongs either to the: 3-8 Streets and roads: The character is likely a homeless traveler or adventurer. 9-13 Mansions and guilds: The character is likely an established inhabitant. 14-18 Courts and castles: The character ikely exists among the local movers and shakers.

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