#finally coming out as a mcyt fan….

[saintdaily]

day 268

[hiveswap]

Summary of The Cat of The Year poll atrocities of 2023/2024

I'm sure that most people on this side of tumblr have seen the Jellie vs. Nefarious Anglerfish poll going around with like 60k votes at this point, and I'd really like clear up some of what happened since I was around for the whole thing.

Url blocked out for op's privacy. They have already left but don't look for it if you haven't seen it/don't harrass them if you already have.

1. The previous round (preparation)

I discovered the poll in its previous round, needless to say she beat Jort's ass severely. This was around the 3rd of january, meaning that this round finished before jellie's passing with only about 7k votes. Op did add their own piece of propaganda from their main:

...which was FINE. (except for stuff we'll see later) Of course running a poll while biased isn't ideal but I for one didn't even know they were the op until much later. I also added my own piece in a separate thread, and they didn't interact with it at all. There was no drama.

2. The Finale

Jellie unfortunately passed away right before the starting of this poll, which was the catalyst for what happened next. Op did exactly as last time and added a slightly more mean spirited encouragement to vote for the other contestant. This is the point where I believe that i fucked up personally.

I added this thinkpiece accusing op of associating all mcyters with Dream (who we all hate for the record) despite them not alluding to him at all. This is because tumblr has a history of disimissing all mcyters as... everything that dream was been accused of. Op did allude to not caring for mcyt. but they didn't say what i accused them of. This is important to point out because this reblog of mine is still being spread. Jellie was in the lead at the time, but not by the time i woke up next morning.

I won't be including anyone else's additions because I don't want to put blame on any specific person. Just felt like clearing up mine.

3. The Fuckening

Some time later op made this post to their personal blog:

which is insanely shitty because, as other people have pointed out, the "lame ass youtube cat" didn't die to inconvinience op or ruin their fun, and people would have probably voted for her anyway because jelly is universally beloved in the mcyt community. This isn't anti democratic. This post was added to the poll with a caption saying op should not be running this poll, and it took off. Op later went on to say that this was a joke:

This apology was not taken well by people, (including me) because "you were not meant to see it" isn't an apology and they still very much made fun of someone's pet dying. Safe to say this did not make the drama stop and only added fuel to the flame. I believe this was the point where the conversation of mcyt fans being unjustly sent hate to was reignited.

We should discuss that! it's a real thing that happens often and is equal to childish bullying. However, in this case, OP was the only one getting sent hate to my knowledge. The notes were mostly saturated by mcyt fans, and even now i can only find one or two hateful stance towards us under the whole 20k notes post.

4. Conclusions

Op posted a second apology to the catoftheyear blog to try and calm people down (i believe this is comprehensive and a lot better than the previous one) The blog was deactivated shortly after, so i only have my phone screenshots of it that i also added to the poll itself at some point:

(Edit) Here's proof that op did not write the justification they got criticised for, from the notes of the original poll:

This apology didn't get seen, or get accepted by enough people, so op made this statement on their personal:

Needless to say I am deeply dissapointed (and guilty) that it's come to this. Yes, op said tasteless things that made us all angry, but telling a human being to commit suicide is worse than being insensitive about a stranger's pet dying. Even after I posted about the blog being decatived i had someone come into my notes to wish that "they never find happiness" i mean wtf. This isn't like shipping where we can do whatever without the content creator's input. this is fucking harrowing and i can't imagine how i'd feel if this was done in my/my pet's name especially after losing them as recently as a week ago.

I hope no one from hermitcraft who is on here (let alone scar holy shit) learns about this like they did with previous lighthearted tournaments. If you truly respect the creators you claim to be a fan of as people, you do not tell people to kill themselves over them. And finally, let Jellie fucking rest, guys. she had a long, good life. I hope op can come back and also avoids behaving like this if they ever wish to do so. I'm angrier at mcytblr, though.

[driftbit]

Made during the fantastic @mcyt-jukebox-bonanza for Oh No :: He Said What? by Nothing But Thieves. I have a whole AU I want to write in my brain which I'm gonna brain dump below. :] I might write it eventually. once I'm not in four different events at once. @-@

Okay SO. It's set in a cyberpunk-y city where megacorporations own everything and it Sucks for most people. But not for Joel! He's some kind of influencer/maybe a solo singer/artist act and he works for one specific talent agency. He's really well known, and kind of their main Face. Etho is an android at the same company who is half Joel's assistant, half rat to the upper administration board. The reason why he's an android is because that means he doesn't need sleep or food, so whenever he's not in Active Assistant mode, he's basically scouring the web to make sure that Joel's image is Perfect. One night, he ends up coming across a post that's a video someone took of Joel where Joel is basically BASHING the company he works for and lowkey admirers; it's really Typical Joel Trash Talk, but it's started to really tick some people off. He's saying that the company/fans would be nothing without him, they wouldn't be successful or anything were it not for his talent. Naturally, Etho has to report it to the higher ups, who aren't pleased that Joel is shit talking them and being like, they're nothing without me etc etc. So the managers order for Etho to Take Care Of Joel. Problem: they're not specific with what this means, though, and Etho Genuinely isn't sure if they're asking him to straight up kill Joel or to just take him out of the public eye for a bit. Etho opts to start with the latter since that'll give him time to mull over what he should do, and they go on a little Road Trip.

Eventually Joel ends up seeing himself from an outside perspective while on the trip through different newscasts and strangers' reactions, and realizes how Bad this all looks once he's out in the middle of nowhere, outside of his cushy life, seeing how Normal People live and are effected by capitalism. And only then slowly does he realize Etho took him out of the spotlight on purpose; Etho might have been asked to Make Him Go Away. In my head the whole fic ends on a cliffhanger of literally Joel begging Etho not to kill him and Etho Finally feeling prepared emotionally to do it. :]

Also, since you've made it all the way through my ranting, pls check out this live version of Oh No :: He Said What? IMO it's even better than the original recording. Beefy ass bassline.

[fandom]

Top 22 of 2022

It’s the moment you’ve been waiting for, folks. Fifty-two weeks of cold hard data measuring original posts, likes, reblogs, and searches, weighted and ranked. And it all ultimately comes down to this: not only is Stranger Things the #1 topic on Tumblr over this last year of data, but fans posted so much about Eddie Munson and Steve Harrington that they also made the list of Top Things.

Meanwhile, season 2B of the beloved animated series The Owl House aired, along with the first episode of the final season, which turned out to be a rollercoaster of coming out joy and absolute heartbreak. Evergreen favorites Critical Role’s Bells Hells, a mix of familiar and new faces, have spent the year adventuring around Marquet. And we don’t talk about Bruno, no, no, no, but Encanto fans sure do. 

On the MCYT front, several new Minecraft SMP servers provided a ton of content for MCYT fans, treating them to new stories and character dynamics. This year was also marked by mourning as the community grieved the passing of one of their own—the popular streamer Technoblade. 

In other gaming news, Pokémon Legends: Arceus and Pokémon Scarlet and Violet have players catchin’ and battlin’ away. And over the past year, Deltarune players stocked up on bananas, while Genshin Impact players hoarded primogems to wish for their favorite banner characters. 

Back on the small screen, folks have had a lot of emotions about the very gay pirate show Our Flag Means Death and the (somewhat sapphic) League of Legends animated series Arcane. House of the Dragon took us back to Westeros and really leaned into “complicated family dynamics,” while “complicated shipping dynamics” was the theme for Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug & Cat Noir. And between Battinson and Batman: Wayne Family Adventures, it was a big year for a character with some serious emotional issues.

Finally, aesthetic bloggers rejoice! Cottagecore and Dark Academia are both on here. Halloween was big, which makes sense because ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. Of course, this list wouldn’t be complete without BTS—some things don’t change. And to round us out, please remember to like, reblog, and thank our resident Artists on Tumblr, who continue to nourish us and our dashboards with their incredible creations. This is Tumblr’s Year In Review.

Stranger Things

The Owl House

Artists on Tumblr

Critical Role

Encanto

MCYT

Pokémon

Eddie Munson | Stranger Things

Our Flag Means Death

Deltarune

The Dream SMP Minecraft Server

Cottagecore

Star Wars

Arcane

Genshin Impact

House of the Dragon

Dark Academia

Batman | The DC Universe

Steve Harrington | Stranger Things

Halloween

BTS

Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug & Cat Noir

[ao3topshipsbracket]

prompted by nothing in particular, things I learned that I'd pass down as advice to anyone intending to do a large multifandom bracket tournament:

Imagine your bracket inspiring wild enough discourse that someone makes a Hall of the Mountain King edit. No, really, imagine it. Imagine that going down in your activity feed. Imagine being known across the site for that. Does this prospect fill you, on some level, with delight? If not, you may not be cut out for a large multifandom bracket tournament.

Do not try to do a large multifandom bracket alone. You need a team, and the bigger your audience gets the more of a team you need. You especially need a team if you're potentially working with a bunch of things you've never heard of. For a smaller bracket with an activity feed that's more reasonable to keep track of, you don't necessarily need multiple blog admins, but you at the very least need a groupchat so you aren't making all the decisions alone.

Your guys might lose. In fact, your guys will probably lose, since there can only be one winner. The sooner you accept this the better for all involved.

You are the mod. It is your job to be impartial, no matter what. You can hate and rage against one of your options in private. In public? The things you hate are valid contenders exactly like every other. If you really can't bring yourself to be at the very least neutral about something in public, just don't include it.

This also means that you have to be evenhanded. You can reveal your personal biases once finals are set in stone but if you're perceived as making policies that favor your guys that shit gets ugly and it gets ugly fast. Remember: everyone can see the vote percentages perfectly well on the post! The winner of the vote gets highlighted! People can see these things!

Keep anon off. If it looks like it's going to get at all heated, turn blog comments off and keep them off. Don't publish any type of ask you aren't okay with getting more of.

DO NOT RESPOND TO THE TAGS. You can respond to asks, if you really want to, and you've thought through the consequences, but do not respond to the tags. This is the other reason that you need a groupchat, ideally a groupchat full of likeminded individuals who have good takes and are fairly levelheaded: bringing bad or annoying or even just funny takes to the groupchat will give you the strength to not respond to the tags, the serenity to not respond to the tags, and the wisdom to not respond to the tags.

You cannot prevent voter fraud. You can accept voter fraud, or you can have a meltdown about voter fraud. In a small bracket (votes in the triple digits) you can ask people nicely not to fraud, and this will probably even work if you're not in mcyt fandom, but once you get to the tens of thousands it does not work at all. Even if nobody actually frauds, it's easy to accuse the other side of fraud and difficult to prove innocence; people can and will abuse this. Accepting fraud is literally always going to be less stress for you and I highly recommend it. Also, it's funny.

Try to establish policies before things come up, rather than reacting in the heat of the moment. Once you have made a policy, stick to it. Relatedly, when you are making policies, ask yourself very seriously if they're policies you're willing to stick to. Things you will likely need policies on: Do you publish propaganda? Do you reblog propaganda? What is the line for being an asshole beyond which you block? What do you do in case of a tie?

"There can't be that many fans of [whatever]" is always wrong. There can always be that many fans of whatever.

[ivys-garden]

Alright, I'm going to write my own thoughts down on the situation, sorry if this gets rambly

First of all, Shubble is so brave for speaking up, it's really hard for victims to speak up against there abusers in a public setting and she deserves all the respect in the world for it

That being said we do need to be mindful to give her space, this was a really traumatic thing for her and we all need to be mindful of that, give her room to breath.

On the same lines, don't go after other ccs for not ""releasing statements"", content creators aren't companies, there people. Don't get on at them for not publicly supporting Shubble, especially since there undoubtedly doing it in private, which is probably better than shoving it out there for millions of people to see. Let people support there friend in a way they and shubble are confortable with, if shubble wants them to say something or they think they need to say something themselves, they will say it.

It's like Pearl said, just because you don't see something happening publicly doesn't mean it isn't happening

Also, don't jump to call Tommy or Phil or Grian or anyone else enablers because they haven't said anything, they'll need time to process this too, it's hard to find out that your friend is a domestic abuser, let them process this in piece and don't try to cancel them over nothing like a fool. (People like Tommy will need time especially since Wilbur befriended them when they were young and by all accounts manipulated them too)

If anyone of these people have anything they feel they need to say they'll say it when there good and ready, good life tip folks:Don't Harass People. Especially if they have almost nothing to do with this (honestly Saw someone say they were going to go on to fucking RT about this despite him not knowing either person very well, the fuck)

I know why people do it, they want to make sure there favourite content creators aren't also bad, but they are people and they deserve respect, I can garentee you that almost no Qsmp or Hermitcraft or Other MCYT member who knew him stands with Wilbur

(Also if anyone brings Techno into this fuck right off let the man rest.)

Also, some brain dead morons are saying that people calling out wilbur are doing it for clout and that they should have done it sooner, but most of the abuse happened in private, and wilbur manipulated others, many wouldn't have realised anything was wrong and if they did its still better and more respectful to come forward after shubble since its HER story to tell.

(This attack also doesn't work anymore because we have things like tubbos stream, where he actively discourages his chat from treating him like a hero for speaking out, but yeah sure they all don't give a shit about shubble and just want to make themselves look better, fuck outta here)

Now, if your a former wilbur fan, let me make this super clear

DONT WATCH HIM AND DONT LISTEN TO HIS MUSIC

"BuT SePuRaTe ThE ArT FrOm ThE Arti-

Nah. That doesn't work here. You can separate a book or game or movie, you can't with a cc. Its there face, there voice, there personality. Find a different band, find a different CC to watch. There are other options, I know it sucks to find out someone you like did an awful thing,but that doesn't mean we should support those people for our sakes, especially when people were actively hurt by there actions. Trust me everyone, this will get better, things will go back to how they were before

Finally, this should go without saying, Fuck William Gold to the core of teh fucking earth. And any who still support him.

He is a raging egotistical manipulator and abuser. don't blame people for not seeing it sooner, no one can do that. What we can do though is blame people who still wholeheartedly support him and his actions.

He has not "changed" nor will he ever at the rate at which he's going. He's still a egomaniac who's more concerned with saving his image than actually apologising for his actions, even then an apology wouldn't fix all he's done,it would just be closer and a jumping off point to be better, but he can't even fucking do that.

If wilbur does reflect and grow, good on him, but if he doesn't then I can say with absolute certainty we wouldn't fucking miss him.

Fuck Wilbur. Support Shelbym

[pray4saint]

SAPNAP PLS nsfw headcannons.... him taking the bdsm tests, what's his sex drive? I just know he presses himself against you every time he passes you, but does he follow through ;)))

FOUND UR ACCC YESTERDAY and I'm acc in love like we both love dteam and marauders it's such a rare combination and I've never seen anyone love both before! ( like me LOL) do you take anons? 🥺

sapnap nsfw headcanons

masterlist & descrip. rated r. 16+. dirty talk. sapnap taking the bdsm test.

a/n. i would be happy to write more horndog texan for you / the only other person i know who writes mcyt & marauders is my younger cousin but they're fifteen so we don't interact online but lmk if you'd like their @ (& yes, i do take anons, the current anons i have are 💚 & 🦥)

as you said anon, sap absolutely presses against you when he passes by you, even when there's plenty of space to just go around, he does it to rile you up

does he follow through?? sometimes he does it for buildup for later that night, to make you all whiny and needy for him

but other times when you call him out for it, it's a 25/75 of if he won't follow through or he will (just to clarify, 25% of the time he won't, 75% he does)

when you call him out and he follows through though.. it's rough, it's kinky, it's dirty and it is hot and heavy

i mean more degradation when you call him out, more slapping if you're into that, hair pulling, messy, sloppy kisses

”god, such a slut for me aren't ya?” he pulls his lips from yours, a string of saliva thinning the farther he gets from your mouth, and it finally breaks when he licks his bottom lip. ”sap, please-” ”isn't this what you wanted babe?” he tangles a hand in your hair, ”to be fucked senseless under me like a whore?” he tugs at your hair, making you whine and beg him to just fuck you already.

sapnap's sex drive i'd say is above average, but not by a whole lot

i think if he can, he'll find a way to fuck you every day or every other day, but if you're not feeling it or you have your period or you just don't want to, it's not the end of the world for him

his sex drive is based solely on his attraction to you; when he was single he had a low sex drive but when you two started dating it jumped wayy up

OH OH OH my brain goes brrrrr for this shit: when you've been going at it for awhile, his southern accent becomes more pronounced with every word he says

”fuck- darl' you're doing so- s'good f'me.” his breath fans hot against your ear and down your neck and he fucks into you, drawing moan after moan out of you.

lots of praise this way, about how well you take him, how perfect you look under him or on top of him, about how much he loves you and how good you treat him

i think despite his above average sex drive, he still likes taking his time, teasing you, building up foreplay, because it all adds to the experience for you and that's all he really wants, for you to be happy

sapnap believes in being begged, for anything really, to be touched, to be fucked a certain way, to cum, yk he just gets it

also some sub!sapnap for you // sub!sap who begs to be touched when he's horny and if you say no he just can't help it, he'll touch himself even if he isn't allowed to

sub!sapnap, rutting into you while he begs to be praised >>>>

”m'i doing good? please tell me i'm doing good..” while his pelvis presses against yours over and over again. ”yes- sap fuck, you're doing so good, such a good boy for me.” his hips begin to stutter at your words.

thank you for coming to my ted talk

pray4saint© do not copy, translate or repost my work without my express permission.

[crossovershipstournament]

Crossover Ships Tournament

🍀🦆🍀🦆🍀🦆🍀🦆🍀🦆🍀🦆🍀🦆🍀🦆🍀🦆🍀🦆🍀🦆

Are you passionate about a ship between two people from completely different canons? Were you big into those Disney edits from some years ago that had entire plots focused on two characters from different movies falling in love? Did you come out of the Jimmy Timmy Power Hours with some Thoughts? Maybe you started shipping something as a joke, and now you’re deep into an AU where they’re engaged with an adopted penguin baby from Antarctica?

If any of the above apply to you, then you’re in the right place! Welcome to the Crossover Ships Tournament! Whether it’s two characters from a canon loosely connected by the same property, characters who once shared a crossover or two, or even a random anime character with a Disney princess, we’re here to see which pair of canon-crossed lovers can beat the odds and make it to the winner’s circle!

🍀🦆🍀🦆🍀🦆🍀🦆🍀🦆🍀🦆🍀🦆🍀🦆🍀🦆🍀🦆🍀🦆

Further details/rules below:

Rules:

Characters must come from different, unconnected canons.

Characters from multiverses, rebooted canons, canons that span across multiple series, media whose entire gimmick is being a crossover, reboots, etc, will all be judged on an individual basis, as there are so many tiny details on what a crossover could mean on a technical level. If you have any questions on whether a ship counts or not, just ask!

Two characters per submission, please! We support polyamory here but it simply wouldn’t be fair to pair up a duo with a whole polycule.

No ships with real people, please! Also no MCYT characters, unless they fall under the Mogar Clause (that being; they are eligible if they originated from a MCYT series but ended up in another media that is separated enough from the source to be its own thing, and the character its own character rather than just an extension of a real person). Other than that, you’re free to submit characters from whatever franchise you want, but I will have the final say on what characters and franchises I want in the tournament.

In the wise words of my buddy, Roman; meme ships are acceptable as submissions as long as you ship it for more than just the memes. If you’re going to slam Sansmaeda or SansReigen into my submission box, you’d better do your hardest to convince me you ship it fully and unironically. Silliness and earnestness go hand in hand but the earnestness must also be present!

Following up on that, if you’re only here to point and laugh at the ridiculousness of the submissions, I humbly request you leave. We’re having fun here, and while a lot of it is very silly and acknowledging that silliness is well and good, this is being run by someone who has always loved crossovers and crossover ships. And I can only assume those who will be submitting ships of their own likely feel the same. This is a contest for love and appreciation, not cruel mockery.

Infodumping on how you came to ship your submission is ENCOURAGED. I wanna know as much info as you’re willing to give, even if it’s ‘I just thought they looked cute together!’ Maybe I’ll even publish some of the infodumps I like beneath the submissions that get in, with permission from the writer of course! But even if I don’t end up doing that, I’d still like to see them anyway!

Fan art submissions for the bracket pics are welcomed and will be accepted via the submission option on the blog. Please either provide proof that you are the artist or provide proof of explicit permission from the artist with your submissions, otherwise it will not be considered. All artists will be credited, and all art is welcomed! Even if you so much as smush two screencaps together! (It’ll be one less pair of screencaps I’ll have to smush together, hint hint 💗)

If you’re looking for a similar competition focused on non-romantic crossover dynamics, please follow the counterpart blog of @crossovernonshipstournament, run by my aforementioned buddy Roman! This one is strictly romance-based, while his is more focused on non-romantic dynamics! For the sake of avoiding any confusion or mini-heart attacks, I’ll be tagging any posts from his blog as #NonShip. 

More rules will be added as needed, and submissions will be open until an undecided date that is subject to change, depending on how many entries are initially submitted.

[Submission Link Here] SUBMISSIONS ARE NOW CLOSED

Automatic Entry Ships (No Need To Submit):

Fenton Crackshell-Cabrera (Ducktales 2017) and Clover Ebi (RWBY) Gyro Gearloose (Ducktales 2017) and Hazel Rainart (RWBY) Gandra Dee (Ducktales 2017) and Winter Schnee (RWBY) Dewey Duck (Ducktales 2017) and Whitley Schnee (RWBY) Mogar (Xray and Vav) and David (Camp Camp) Jimmy Neutron (Jimmy Neutron) and Timmy Turner (Fairly Oddparents) Jane Porter (Tarzan) and Captain Amelia (Treasure Planet) Max Goof (Disney) and Yakko Warner (Animaniacs) Huey Duck (Ducktales 2017) and Wakko Warner (Animaniacs) Dewey Duck (Ducktales 2017) and Silver the Hedgehog (Sonic the Hedgehog) Wirt (Over the Garden Wall) and Dipper Pines (Gravity Falls) Webby Vanderquack (Ducktales 2017) and Mabel Pines (Gravity Falls) Max (Camp Camp) and Phineas Flynn (Phineas and Ferb) Sora (Kingdom Hearts) and Jim Hawkins (Treasure Planet)

Happy shipping, everyone! 

🍊Tangy🍊

PS: Have an edit of one of my own submissions that I’m far too proud of to simply keep as the icon alone.

(Blog inspirations: @artificialkids-2k23-official​ @orangecharactersmackdown​ @eggcrackerbracket​ @servescuntcompetition​​ @best-kirby-character-tournament​​ @mad-scientist-showdown​​ ​

(Huey/Wakko fanart by @justadoll​ and @krillconoisseur​, remaining edits by me)

[coffeegnomee]

Training my brain to learn that caring about something does not mean someone will die and it will all be lost.

Cw - death, OCD, mcyt death, dsmp and lifesteal, triggers

This is, obviously, something super personal. But sharing about it is what scares me, so I’m going to do it anyway and prove to my brain that it’s okay to care.

If you end up reading it, know you just read my heart. I hope it helps you process whatever you’re dealing with <3. 

I looked up OCD tonight because my brain constantly cycles through the same thoughts and worries about Lifesteal like Non Stop. Like I know I’m ADHD but this isn’t just a fixation on this server, but like debilitating spirals of thought. And all focused around analyzing if it’s all going to fall apart or not. 

They say ocd is a “limbic system impairment that occurs when someone experiences a traumatic physical or emotional event while their chronic stress load is already high.”

And that freaking resonated. They say exposure therapy can rewire the brain so let’s go explore what’s the event that’s keeping me spiraling.

My chronic stress load was extremely high that summer two years ago. And then Technoblade died. The longer it’s been the more I really sit with the fact that that was traumatic.

On top of the stress personally, now my favorite YouTuber, my comfort character on dsmp, the freaking anchor of that server, was just gone. Gone.

Dreamsmp came in a time of some pretty heavy depression. Obviously the pandemic was still occurring so that’s a chronic stress load itself (I found it January 16th 2021, so like, three days before the disc finale, but almost a year into covid) and watching through all the streams I was able to completely escape.

For the first time in months I was laughing. Like deep belly laughs. Full body. Actual joy. The neural rewiring my brain those first months was insane. It was pure serotonin.

I became motivated to work again, having something fun in the background. I looked forward to cherishing the lore, keeping those streams to the side for the evenings when I could really immerse myself into the story.

There’s a two-fold trigger that sends me into a spiral around loosing the thing that makes me happy. Unfortunately at the time, the things causing the chronic stress in my life stemmed from the things that used to bring me fulfillment and joy and purpose. They were being taken away, by my own choice, and from my health (more on that later).

So in the void of having my real-life anchors to bring fulfillment, dreamsmp was the thing keeping this whole body going. Truly a hanging on by a thread moment.

But even then, it’s not just about "loosing the thing that makes me happy" that causes these obsessive thoughts.

It’s the irrational connection that because the lore changed and the dynamic of the server stalled, that THAT therefore somehow that lead to Techno dying. (yes. An irrational and non related thought. I just realized with writing that that I have truly merged both those events so closely that when the first happens, I cannot let go of the idea of the second. I’m sitting here expecting someone to irl die.)

Huh. That’s interesting. 

It’s like, I read this from some random instagram post years ago. This woman’s husband died on a sunny day and then years later sunny days fill her with dread as if the weather was signaling that she would come home to the death of a loved on.

That’s what’s going on in my noggin.

Because it’s Quackity’s lore that changed the fabric of the dreamsmp. It didn’t have to, but it did. It came at the perfect storm when everyone was super burnt out and needed to run away from the insanity of both the fans and the haters and the sudden massive fame. 

He decided to do pre-recorded movies. On my live-stream smp. The very fabric of lore was changed. 

And because of the larger production, it took longer, and the other members of the server seemed to not know where to take their personal lore; everyone was waiting for that damn casino to open. And since all the lore ended up happening in pre-recordings we never again experienced that magic of live stream entertainment and improv and dumb bits. Everything was sanitized. For their own sanity, sure. But at the expense of the survival of the server. (Also Techno wasn’t available because of the chemo, so truly nothing was happening on any end of the server)

That perfect storm, loosing interest in the server and the lore being fundamentally changed, set the stage for the traumatic moment of loosing a member. That's my two-fold trigger.

And his death sealed the deal. I’ve never held it against them for not wanting to continue after. Season 2 was impossible the moment that happened. 

My chronic stress had exploded so far that my thyroid was fucked and I’m diagnosed with Hashimoto’s, an autoimmune disease that keeps me fatigued more often than not. Besides that, my other main chronic stress was a realization that the Future I had always expected myself to take, the Plan that I had set out, I was suddenly extremely Not Sure I wanted to do anymore. 

But I had confidently told my friends and family for over 8 years that this is what I wanted (all this during college and after. I was already 26 at this time) (yes I’m old) (yes life is still crazy when you’re old) (but you start understanding yourself better). It was in this understanding of myself that I realized my direction needed to change.

Suddenly my whole identity I had built for myself was swept out from under me. 

At that. same. dang. time. That same week. That’s when the news broke. Literally broke me to pieces. 

And I hadn’t told anyone I was obsessed with Minecraft lore. Like bro. I’m out of college for a few years. Get a life. (But man. My eyes just light up when I think about this method of story telling. It’s just goated)

My mom sort of knew. She didn’t understand but at least I could tell her someone died and she had some sort of connection that I had been following this kid for over a year now. 

But no one else. The sorrow and pain of loss is just so much worse when you can’t explain why you cared about someone so much. It’s not like my parent died. Or sibling. It was a kid I had never met in person but I resonated with so much. 

And I remember distinctly thinking “It’s not worth not sharing the things you care about with other people”. Burned into my brain that day.

But time heals all wounds. Until something triggers it. 

I spent the next year just following Foolish, that ray of sunshine who was involved enough to have become my comfort streamer, but not too involved that it was painful to watch because of the memories.

It was a crazy fun year. Best comfort streamer. But people change, I change, and I missed Minecraft lore. You can only watch so much valorant before it’s just the same game.

Foolish found out he was on QSMP (I think it actually was before, I think he knew about the server before it was announced) and he started looking at Minecraft content and Minecraft builds again. For the first time in over a year. It was such a random day. 

But we watched Sandiction and… Rekrap2. 

Both of them stole my heart and I went, maybe it’s time to return to mcyt. See what’s been brewing.

And before I knew it I was on a month-long binge of Lifesteal content and just so absolutely lost as to what order everything came out in or what season everything was from. Shoutout them being allergic to click baiting “Lifesteal” or adding season tags to the description. It’s such a mess on Youtube lol.

Soon enough I found Baconnwaffles1. Not 0. 1. Somehow found his second channel first.

The videos caught my eye. I knew they were streams and I was trying to find the vods, but as you know Bacon doesn’t have a vods channel and his streams delete after 14 days. 

But then finally the fated video crossed my path: “This is PrinceZam and he just betrayed his teammates”

Oh my goddess what in the world is going on in this server. 

I needed to know. 

So began the true binge. Found Zam’s vods, watched season 4. And I discovered something amazing.

I have genuinely never resonated more with a character than I resonated with Zam season 4.

Every internal debate of Zam resonated with my own dilemmas. People pleasing and understanding what you value came to a head, and only one could win. But truly your values are the only real option because every moment of people pleasing will rub against your soul like hot coals. 

Remember those chronic stressors? The life I didn’t know if I wanted anymore?

As Zam walked between conversations with friends, teammates, and enemies, I recognized similar conversations in my life. 

I could describe the situation one way, and the person would agree and give advice. But then I realized I could describe the situation in a different light and then maybe they wouldn’t agree anymore. So I didn’t know what advice to take.

And then chat was so funny. The day before the wormhole they started giving too many opinions, the same opinions they had been giving for weeks, and in a flash I was like, omg he’s going to spiral again guys why are you like this. 

And then he was like, OMG chat, YOU’RE the problem! There’s too many of you and I’m trying to make everyone happy.

If I tell you I jumped up, screamed, giggled, and floundered around like a crazy person it wouldn’t even come close to what happened. I was so proud of Zam for realizing his emotions were being swayed by the barest opposition. From that third person point of view, I could so clearly see what was going wrong and I was cheering him on to realizing what he truly wanted.

I did, and still do, see so many of the decision making problems that Zam has, within myself. As a piece of media, and him being a character, it’s the craziest most relatable story I have ever seen. I’ve never resonated with a character more. 

Then we reached season 5. 

The first season I truly watched as it came out. I had gotten too obsessed with this Minecraft world. I wanted more. I loved these kids and their storytelling. 

But it was the first season when people started leaving the server on good terms.

Oh no. This sounds too familiar. People are loosing interest in the server I love. What’s next, a change in the fabric of how lore is created? 

Then there was a change in the fabric of how the lore was created.

We saw the new members approach the server with a recording-mindset. Who weaponized the lore against the old server members. Pretending they cared about the yapping but then revealing that in itself was a complete and total lie used to get you into the perfect position to either spoil the whole riddle or shoot you with an arrow canon.

And then. Not. Care. At. All. Zero remorse.

I don’t know why the betrayals by Jumper hurt so badly. But it hurt. A lot. (I was triggered that’s why) My emotional reaction was out of proportion to reality.

It’s not like it wasn’t a Lifesteal move, people had gotten into position to betray in the past, and would continue to do so in the future with Leo and Clown betraying Minute. 

But it was that “I have no remorse over the hours we spent as a team, not a single thread of care to you or to the yapping lore of this server”. It’s one thing to be betrayed by an enemy. Quite another to be betrayed by a friend.

So here I began. Triggered by something that wasn’t world ending. Quackity’s take on lore didn’t kill the server. Neither did Jumper’s. It was probably going to be fine.

But like. My brain is not agreeing. So I’m pushing back on it. 

Here’s what I’m finding.

This is a fun tidbit - when Mapic said “streams are delayed” when he was in the hospital before the finale I could not convince myself that he didn’t had cancer and wasn’t going to die. Bro. Tell me you’re triggered without telling me you’re triggered. (In case you didn’t see, it was just a concussion)

I’m so hyper aware of everything that could indicate I’m going to loose someone I care about again.

The pattern recognition is going out of control. 

And I keep trying to calm my brain down and catalogue all the reasons I know and believe Lifesteal will be perfectly fine for probably a while. Like how they have meetings all the time to discuss what went down on the server. They’re talking all the time to work out interpersonal problems and lore problems so that everyone is happy and feels heard. And they’re watching movies together. Meeting up and strengthening relationships. Changing admins as necessary. 

And I say it again. 

And again. 

And again. 

Every time something throws the smallest pebble at stability I walk my brain back through all the indicators that everything will be fine. 

Jumper:

Jumper loves being on the server. She’s said it. She’s so excited about it. She did have a plan. She didn’t tell us the plan as it went, but she does stream. She’s getting comfortable with the idea of streaming, she’ll learn to trust chat over time. She’ll learn how to loose gracefully on this server at some point. Probably. hopefully. And since I don’t know when that will be I’ll just have to wait until season 6 and see what happens. It’s out of my control. She’s fine. It’ll be fine. 

Pentar:

Pentar is fine. He doesn’t understand why chat would tell him he’s the most likely to betray even though every video he betrays. Why is he doing that that’s so weird. But he’s a great teammate and everyone likes having him around. I don’t like how he laughs at Zam, but like I can give him the benefit of the doubt that he just doesn’t take anything seriously and laughs in the face of anything serious. I’ll have to wait and see until next time to see how I feel about what he does on the server. Real life can’t be repeated over and over so just let it go. It’ll be fine.

Minute:

Minute is just so happy to be in Lifesteal. He loves it so much. You can tell by how he speaks every time there’s a group moment. He’s going to be admin next season. He loves this server. He may be overly attached to the Rules and have black and white thinking and he sometimes wields that for his own gain and I hate when he does that can he just have fun and take things less seriously? But I think he’ll get it. He’s competent. And he loves the server. He wouldn’t destroy it even on accident because someone would call him out before that happens. It’s going to be fine. 

Ash: 

Ash can be mean and also not care about the good that our side is doing and just wave them away saying they’re just evil. He does’t get it. But also he’s quite the actor. He puts on a lore face when he logs on, you can see it in season 4 with the wormhole. You can see it when he logs on for the justice league returns and he’s so committed to being good and fighting evil and as Zam is killing Mid in the background and he’s all shocked as if he was not the one who goaded Zam into killing her moments before. It’s a character. Even when it feels like it shouldn’t be. He does take random events in stride, pulling up the meditation guidance video when they all got killed. He’s stressed out by it, but also takes it with some levity. He’ll be fine. He just chose a questionable character to act this season and didn’t know how to balance his position as admin separate from his need to win. But he’ll be fine.

Can you see how this is exhausting? This is my brain on the daily. 

Every day I find myself working through each person one after another as something small comes up to threaten the balance, or reinforce the good.

This is when I noticed this wasn’t simple excitement about the lore, thinking and guessing about what might happen.  It was the same thoughts over and over and over. And I couldn’t stop a line of thought until I mentioned all the things. That’s what made me look up ocd. 

But back to it, I’m actually so much more okay with Ash because it’s been a couple seasons with him. I’m starting to see his tells. So I can just let the rough parts slide away. 

And that’s really what I just have to accept. That I can’t self soothe my way into being okay. Resisting acknowledging what I’m afraid of is just making me spiral more. 

We’ve seen people choose to leave after stressful seasons. We know some people become aware that they aren’t cut out for Lifesteal. Or they just don’t want to be. Some of these members might decide that. And Lifesteal has continued despite members leaving. 

OMg can I please stop cataloging how it will be fine?

I have to sit with the reality and realize nothing bad DID happen, NOT that nothing bad MIGHT happen. 

(This is unironically so counterintuitive to my brain. What do you mean I have to just accept that nothing bad happened, what if something bad does happen!) (But that’s what anxiety looks like. That’s not a good)

How do you convince yourself that you can’t predict the future? Asking for a friend.

I think it goes back to caring. I don’t think I’m allowed to care about any of this. That it’s silly, or dumb, or immature. 

It was, in fact, in caring itself that the loss of Techno was so painful.

So I don’t allow myself to care. To get too invested. Any time I see that I’m caring I push up on the walls of my trenches and shove that shit out. Only analytical thoughts in here. Measurable, quote-filled analyses.

But caring does not therefore mean there will be a loss.

So. Okay. Pivot. What am I really afraid of? 

I’m afraid the server will end. That something will make Zam give up and leave. 

Wow. I thought that was going to be a long ass paragraph but it really is just that. I know I’ll stop watching lifesteal if Zam is gone. Unless someone new comes in that has his same spark and dedication. Unlikely. 

So that threat is the worst. 

And I’ve seen his interest wax and wane. I know he can disappear for a month. 

But I also know he can come back. And he’s been a lot more mature and healthy and confident in being the streamer of Lifesteal. In how much he loves the server. 

Which is where pb&j being such a threat to the fabric of how lore is done is so scary, because that changes Zam’s care. But then again. It really didn’t. He just pivots. 

One of the most healing things has been watching the old members leave and continue to make content. And seeing how they choose to make their exit. They honored the server and the time they were there, in Rek’s case uplifting Lifesteal.net, in Parrot’s in completely reediting all his footage into a cohesive story. 

And then they still make content together. All the members make content with each other outside of Lifesteal. (And those that left the internet forever, that was okay too)

So that’s nice. Some bad things came to pass, and they've shown their response to it. Also Zam taking a break didn’t change how the lore was created, so that wouldn’t be a trigger. 

The trigger from that fear would be if he did leave, my brain would go into high gear looking for who was going to die. And I would have a new post to write lol. 

The trigger that is still tilting me is that pb&j changed how the lore was made, and my brain went *danger* *danger* This is something that happened last time and you know how that turned out! Start looking for who is going to die!

And it stopped me from seeing how this is not the same situation. The pattern for a death that I think I’m seeing, is not a pattern. 

And sitting with how nothing DID go wrong, that fear did not come to pass, is exposure therapy.

Because nothing went catastrophically wrong with the season 5 finale. I just keep closing my eyes, sitting in the problematic lore, and not accepting what actually happened at the end of the season, and freaking out that disaster is coming.

So what happened?

Season 5, you tried to kill my server. 

But The server resisted. (Hahahah undertale reference!)

Clown came back. Ro came back. Branzy betrayed everyone for Clown. Bacon and Zam sat in vc the entire finale fight. Mapicc fought until he couldn’t.

Spepticle gave his account then fought for it back. Pangi gave his account. Spoke gave his account. Red did the blessings/curses as Zam wanted. 4C said he was glad to give Minute the presidency because he knew Minute wanted peace and he knew peace was not an option in Lifesteal. Actually the quietest of goats. Didn’t realize he thought that deeply about the server. 

And it meant so much that Clownpierce, who hasn’t been meaningfully involved since the season 3 finale, came back and fought for his server. He made Lifesteal season 2. It’s always been his domain and he fought for its soul.

That’s the season 5 finale. 

The Players fought for Lifesteal. The server resisted destruction. 

This chapter is closed. This season got it’s ending. And it’s “not like last time” like my brain keeps thinking. 

The season might have ended with a lot of unknowns for how it will affect season 6. Will these old members still care? Will pb&j be a menace still? 

But what happened was a moment where everyone came together to care about the server. And that means the anxiety was unfounded. If something happens like this again, I have an example where everything didn’t fall apart to counter my fear that it will. 

See you around!

If you actually read to the end you’re amazing. Hopefully this is something you can do in your life to help understand what is the cause of your pain and anxiety. I wasn’t going to post it initially, but working it out as a post I could theoretically show to other people helped make it way more real than trying to work it out in my head, talking to myself. I had to write it in such a way that someone else would understand. Even if I didn’t post it. 

I’ll probably have many more days of writing when I notice a new trigger. Exposure therapy isn’t a one and done. (I probably won’t post any of those.)

But my body feels so much more relaxed now. Something has shifted in my head as a result of writing this all down.

Good luck!

[mooblesandsoups]

Songs like sunlight

An mcyt battle of the bands au

Some people really like my snowbugs WIP and now I'm using it as an excuse to talk about my au because I like this au. (Btw feel free to ask questions about the au please I'll love to talk more about it)

CW: the entire entertainment industry, implied workplace abuse and talks about disabilities

World building/plot

SLS or The battle of the bands au is a secret life au that takes place in a dystopian world aesthetically based on ideas like cyberpunk and solarpunk.

After all of earth's greenery was almost destroyed as caused by the industrial revolution people turned to music and other arts to not only cope but to separate more from the technology that was destroying the earth.

Centuries later earth us flourishing with greenery (however their water supply is definitely not better) everywhere you walk you see everything from people on scooters to bikes to street artist showcasing their work to anyone who'll listen, of course nothing can be perfect and Companies have used the rising growth of music to its benefit.

The biggest music company in the world is Watchers Inc. A music company that has been booming since the introduction of their latest singer a masked singer only known as X by fans as well as controversies with former members... However this mysterious singer isn't their reason for popularity oh no it's how they choose their next talents.

Every decade Watchers Inc. Hosts a battles of the bands competition, choosing a selection of popular indie artist to compete for a prize, with the winner being offered a spot as a talent for Watchers Inc. Alongside their prize.

This year is particularly special with the introduction.. And reintroduction of some familiar faces now battling to win a grand prize, which band will come out on top? What secrets will be revealed? What kind of relationship will bloom? And which will have their failures and personal lives broadcasted live in front of millions.

Bands

As mentioned previously this au is secret life based as that was what was currently out when I first started this au do of course I enjoyed playing around with dynamics and how they all started theirs bands/careers.

Gem & The Scott's- indie/alternative music (can't explain but think of black sheep by metric. That. Specifically the one in Scott Pilgrim)

Starting off with gem and the Scott's, gem and impulse met each other because of a family friend leading to their eventual friendship. Soon enough gem had an idea, let's male a band. Both gem and impulse had a fascination for music considering it's how they became friends, so it just felt right in gems eyes. However they needed one more member and luckily she knows exactly who to ask.

Next thing Scott knows as he's relaxing at a bar enjoying his break from music when a random ginger woman runs up to him and ask to join her emo band. And he said yes for some reason so I guess it worked.

Mounders- folklore music

The mounders were founded by pearl a few months after her band's contract was terminated by Watchers Inc. So she decided to start fresh and gather some of her friends to set up a proper band.

Due to Pearl's previous success it wasn't too difficult getting back into business with some assistance from her bandmates and suddenly everything is good again.

The Roomies- pop? (Maybe? Like Oliva Rodrigo kinda pop not finalized)

The roomies aren't technically an official band Grian is considered a independence artist by many and switches around bandmates a lot because of his contract with Watchers Inc. However he trusts etho and Cleo the most and preforms with them as much as he can because they treat him like an actual person.

The heart foundation- Jazz (Dont ask me details I don listen to jazz music)

Couple of dudes work at a bar and play jazz music. I don't know what else you want they're just silly guys with a bit of PTSD

Big dogs- rap (because its funny)

Jimmy and Martyn were both in the acting business for awhile which is how they met. Jimmy has been and actor since childhood and Martyn only started during adulthood while doing music on the side. Soon enough Jimmy ends up ranting to Martyn about acting and how he's tired of it after doing it for so long so Martyn asks if he wants to become a musician with him and Jimmy agrees then the big dogs were born.

Scar & Lizzie- Lizzie is pop (but like theater kid pop if that makes sense) and scar is yet to be decided (maybe country?)

Lizzie and Scar are both individual performers both choosen through a popularity vote by the fans and watcher staff.

Extra fun stuff

This was mentioned in the WIP above but Scott is legally blind, however he was not born blind. He basically got the bad genetics in his family and eventually starts going blind over time. Its really not too important to the plot (besides some backstory stuff and self esteem issues) but it's an interesting detail that I'm doing lots of research to get right.

Lizzie and Joel are married in this au! I'm only bringing this up because my friend came up with a funny idea that Lizzie was unarguably the more popular of the two but Joel bragged about his popularity more.

Skizz owns the bar the heart foundation works at the boys typically do seperate performances and performances together while also helping around the bar itself however Skizz is known to hire small bands to preform as well.

The setting SLS takes place in is as mentioned very green but there are spaces around dedicated to paintings and art in general, like cleared up spaces dedicated to graffiti or street artists having their own spot to work.

Almost everyone in this world is a hybrid of sorts, I try to have fun using lesser used hybrid headcanons but some are just a bit basic. Is there lore reasons they're hybrids? No I just think it's cool.

Since this is a secret life au all the winners of the previous games are Grian, Scott and Pearl (they won together), and Martyn. Grian, Scott and Pearl had all taken the offers to join Watchers Inc. But only Grian remains meanwhile Martyn stayed independent and just took his prize and left.

On the topic of the winners it should be mentioned that all the winners do know each other in some way, Grian is cousins with Pearl and therefore knew Scott by association, Pearl and Scott are former band mates but are still close, Martyn and Scott are friends from highschool so pearl knows him by association, Grian met Martyn at a bar an became friends.

And that's all yall getting for now!

[mindelectricdemofour]

i don't get heart heavy

March 12: Loveless / AU (college AU)

Prompts: @mcyt-aro-week // ao3 Link: i don't get heart heavy // Title: Heart Heavy - Mother Mother

The room looked plain, drab even. Skizz could already see Tango’s pierced gaze. The only decorations were stringed lights, not even fairy lights, hanging from wall to wall. They weren't even on. 

A plant pot laid on the shared table, drying out. But none of that mattered to Skizz.

His eyes were locked onto the flag sticking out of the plant pot. A small green and white one. His eyes widened.

“This won't do. We'll have to bring in decorations, fix up the walls… Maybe bring in a fan or two… I can make one in a day or so, no issue...”

Skizz let Tango trail off with his new plans for their dorm. They'd arrived late in the afternoon, and the other person who seemed to be sharing the dorm with them was out. 

But elements of their presence remained. One specific element.

“-Skizz, are you even listening?” Tango seemed to finally notice Skizz’s absence. He turned, just slightly, to look over him. Skizz finally pulled away.

“Sorry it's just-” Skizz put his arm up to his head, brushing hair out of his face as if embarrassed. He felt his face heat up.

Tango glanced between him and the flag. “Oh. That's your one, right?”

Skizz hesitated before nodding. “Yeah…” He had no idea why he was so nervous about this, him and Tango had had so many conversations about their sexualities, why was he suddenly so anxious?

“...I think we keep that decoration then.” Skizz internally thanked whatever braincell that he and Tango shared, that Tango didn't keep pushing. His friend knew him so well.

Tango kept rambling on about decorations and eventually it became dark with not even a sight of their roommate.

Skizz clicked the jug on, prepared to make some noodles for them. He hesitated, glancing back to the flag before adding some extra. Just in case their new roommate came back. He wouldn't want to make a bad impression. 

And plus, if they didn't come home, him and Tango could share the leftovers on the couch tomorrow while watching bad robotics competitions.

Halfway through Skizz's cooking, the door creaked. His head snapped up.

His new roommate wore a dusty blue sweater and a few rings. His hair was curly black and stretched down his face to his goatee. He had dark skin, mottled with scars as well as socks on. No shoes, only socks. 

Skizz liked this guy already.

“Oh hey-” His voice was awkward. Unsure. “I wasn't sure anyone else was moving in, I would have shown you the place.”

“No need,” Skizz smiled before turning back to his pan. “The uni isn't really open with anything are they?”

That got him a laugh. He could hear ruffling from the door. “What are you making?” 

The conversation was lighthearted, almost fun. “Noodles. I've got enough here if you'd like some, but you'll have to be okay with soy sauce and chili.”

Their roommate laughed once again. “I'd never turn that down. I'm BigB, by the way.”

He was right next to Skizz, observing him cook. He seemed relaxed. 

But that didn't stop Skizz's heart pounding like a rabbits.

Did he ask about it?

“My name is Skizz-” His voice was tilted, slightly off centre. 

If he didn't ask now, he'd never get the courage to. “I like - I like the flag you've got on the table.” Great. Just vague enough to make it awkward.

“Yeah it's mine.” Skizz finally looked over at BigB, who was still talking in that slightly awkward conversational tone. He didn't seem to take it as an attack or anything, which Skizz had feared he'd do, (if someone asked him about his sexuality he'd definitely get defensive.)

Instead he seemed open about it. Casual. Relaxed. Everything Skizz hoped to be.

“I think your noodles are burning…”

Right. “Right!” Skizz turned back to the pan, tossing them around through the water. In fact, some had burnt, BigB was right. Skizz frowned, but didn't remove them. He could live with some burnt noodles. It hadn't killed him yet. 

BigB was starting to walk away. It was now or never. “I've got the same flag.” Casual. Nonchalant. That's how Skizz was trying to act. Exactly how BigB was.

He stared down at the pan, hearing BigB stop. Maybe it was nothing, maybe it meant nothing that their was another aromantic here. Maybe he was placing too much faith in the idea of solidarity. His eyes didn't leave the pan, even as BigB stepped closer.

“Wow… So you're also…” For once BigB looked thrown off guard. Skizz finally chanced a glance at him. His eyes were wide, “-thats so cool. So we're both aro, thats- that's really sweet-”

Skizz felt his tension lift at that. At BigB's approval. He'd feared rejection, annoyance or maybe even confusion, despite none of those being likely. Skizz felt himself smile. “Yeah… It's nice to have someone else who's aro around here. I- I thought I was the only one.”

It was such a stereotypical statement and made Skizz cringe. But BigB was nodding. “Absolutely. It's such a relief to know you aren't alone, I feel you.”

Skizz continued smiling even as BigB walked away to introduce himself to Tango. It was such a welcome surprise that he thought any second he might wake up from this dream. But even as he dished out their meals and spoke with BigB about their courses, everything stayed.

And later down the line, Tango had brought a giant heart decoration for the room, painting them the same colours as the flag and declaring their dorm as ‘the heart foundation.’

It were pretty unsightly due to its size, but both Skizz and BigB agreed the dorm didn't look as drab as it had at the start of the month.

[quaranmine]

6, 12, and 25 for the mcytblr fic author asks?

6. Do you like using the mcyt multiverse as a concept? (all SMPS and MC content exists in the same universe)

Yes!! To the point where it will bother me if I can't make them all fit, lol. Usually I like to keep the Dream SMP, Hermitcraft, Evo and Life Series all within the same universe. I like MCC as an event where people from these servers can intersect. Empires though is a problem to me, as it often contradicts things quite heavily due to the characters' lore. So whether or not Empires (S1 or S2) is canon sort of depends on what I am writing. I also often disregard random one-off SMPs as well--I'm not going to try to figure out how Rats SMP fits into Hermitcraft fits into Empires, it's just a nice little series in its own right.

12.Funniest comment you've ever gotten in a piece of work?

I think the funniest is when I posted a Firewatch AU chapter and @ivi-prism sent me a screenshot of her fake-buying plane tickets to Texas on an actual airline website to come kill me

Also I do find it pretty amusing that I am so loudly fixated on fire lookouts that I am aware of more than one person who have started reading my fanfic without even being familiar with Hermitcraft LOL

25.What works and/or authors in the fandom do you recommend?

Well, I've got to rep some of my friends first! Ivi is the creator of this ask game, and you should definitely check out her works -- Off-world vacations is a sweeping dsmp x hermitcraft crossover that has been in the works for years, great for Fundy fans. chrysalizzm is one of the most talented writers I've ever met, and I've seen firsthand the incredible research and depth and soul he's poured into the wasteland series. another excellent writer is prismartist, who probably has something for everyone since they've written life series, hermitcraft, dream smp, qsmp, and empires.

Really though, I need to get better at actually bookmarking my favorite works. I often kudos and then lose them oops

I have to recc definitelynotshouting's hunger au, although I feel like that's quite well known in the fandom already (for good reason)

sunlight over me no matter what i do by odaigahara is a GREAT oneshot, but mind the gore and body horror (grian cuts off his own wings to get rid of watcher influence)

I'm pretty fond of a specific subset of Watcher!Grian stories where the old Grian died and a Watcher/something else just kind of uhhhh took over his body with his memories? So I must recommend tempering by sixteenthdays, as well as You Say You Feel Hollow (and you know it's 'cause you are) by writing_and_worrying. still slightly similar in concept but not quite the same is the body is an object by ruffboi. And it's probably distinctly different enough that it shouldn't even be grouped here, but I also adore Covet by Oceanbreeze7 for a good Creature-y Watcher!Grian.

I like Enderwoah's Jimmy/Bad Boys fics. The two I have in my bookmarks is i've got problems (not just the ones that are little) and i can see the pattern (but i don't know what i can do)

Finally, I don't always blog about hermitshipping but I do sometimes read it, so I'll leave you with a scarian fic that has killed me like three separate times: Baby, just let me bleed in peace by mossman_mothman

[rutellingmeashrimpfriedthisrice]

MCYT Yuri Week Day Four!

Prompt: Genderbend/Transgendered

Ship: Grian/Scar(GoodTimesWithScar) aka Ariana Griande/HotGal(Guy)

Series: Hermitcraft SMP

Word Count: 1,982

@mcyt-yuri-week

Ariana sighed as she adjusted her ponytail, frowning at her manager with a glare. "I can handle myself, I don't need a bodyguard." She said for at least the tenth time since Cleo told her about the arrangement they'd made for her.

"Sure you don't." Cleo shrugged, reading from their clipboard. "That's what you said last time, and you nearly got pulled off stage into the crowd."

"I got them too excited! I know better this time." Ariana huffed, crossing her arms as embarrassment burned her cheeks at the memory.

"Here! I'm here!" A voice called from the doorway as Ariana looked up to see a woman dressed like some sort of comic book character, long hair braided and resting beside a quiver full of sharp-looking arrows.

"HotGal, glad you could join us." Cleo greeted, shaking the woman's scarred hand.

"Glad to be here, I'm HotGal. Big fan, Miss Griande." She said, addressing Cleo then Ariana as the shorter woman felt her cheeks flush for the second time in the past five minutes.

"Nice to meet you." Ariana forced herself to say, shaking her hand as she forced herself to keep her gaze above the other woman's shoulders. Those arms could crush watermelons.

"Well, I guess I'll be in charge of your safety while you're in Hermitopolis! Nice to have you here, by the way." HotGal said, sourly reminding Ariana why she had been unhappy in the first place.

"Right." She muttered, retracting her hand to cross her arms again.

Awkward silence passed before Cleo broke it to pull HotGal aside with details of Ariana's schedule, all while the popstar glared daggers into her bodyguard's muscular back.

This was going to be a long week.

🎤🏹🎤

Ariana panted slightly as she finished running through her practice setlist, mentally reminding herself to correct her timing so she wouldn't step out too early at the show.

Cheers and applause pulled at her attention, scowling as she noticed her bodyguard sitting in the front row watching her with a grin.

"That was amazing! Best two hours of my life." HotGal said earnestly, standing and jumping to pull herself onto the tall stage one handed.

Show off.

"Thanks." Ariana muttered with a shrug, taking a slow sip from her water bottle to avoid speaking to the other woman as long as she could. "I thought you were supposed to be backstage while I'm performing?"

"Wouldn't it be easier to come to your aid if I'm out here in the crowd?" HotGal asked back.

Ariana just frowned, unable to come up with a good response for that line of logic.

HotGal grinned when Ariana said nothing. "Seriously, you were great! I can't wait to see the show for real, I've always wanted to go to one of your concerts."

Ariana flushed and turned her head to the side at the praise. "You'll have to watch the same set twice in show while I'm here, you know." She reminded.

"I know!" HotGal beamed.

"Won't that get boring?" Ariana asked, confused why her bodyguard seemed unfazed. "You have to watch me rehearse twice before each show, and there's two nights of that. You'll see me sing the same songs six times!"

HotGal seemed to vibrate with excitement. "Isn't that amazing? I get to watch my favorite singer perform six whole times!"

Ariana scoffed and sighed, shaking her head. "You're so weird." She said with a faint smile.

"And you're finally smiling around me." HotGal smirked.

Ariana froze, looking up at the taller woman in surprise. The only person she knew professionally who ever bantered with her was Cleo, and even then they'd known each other for years to form that sort of bond.

This was new. This was different.

Ariana kind of enjoyed it, if she were honest with herself.

🏹🎤🏹

Ariana waved to the audience before the spotlight switched off in time for her to step backstage, where she startled upon nearly running into none other than HotGal.

"You were absolutely incredible!" She cheered, holding up a bouquet of crumpled flowers, many of which were missing petals. HotGal must have just taken notice, because she cursed under her breath and rubbed her neck with a shy grin. "I had to push the crowd back a bit before I could get back here." She explained.

Ariana slowly reached out to take the flowers, one eyebrow raised as she kept her eyes locked on the other woman. "Thank you." She said after a beat of hesitation, finally glancing down as she plucked a petal from a poppy idly.

"You look beautiful." HotGal said through the silence. Ariana's eyes went wide as she looked up at the equally surprised-looking woman. "I mean, like, your makeup is so pretty! And your outfit! I love the bow." She said, gesturing vaguely to the comically large pink bow in the popstar's hair.

Ariana reached back with her free hand to brush her fingers against the glittery fabric and smiled nervously. "Oh, thanks. But you should be thanking my makeup team, they're the ones behind the magic." She said with a dismissive wave of her hand as her friends Gem and Mumbo peeked their heads out from the dressing room to wave.

HotGal waved back with a chuckle before shaking her head. "They're definitely talented, but I think you're what makes it look so good." She said, using her hand to gesture Ariana up and down. "You're just, naturally pretty."

"Oh, you're just saying that." Ariana giggled and rolled her eyes. She'd almost forgotten HotGal was just a fan.

"I mean it!" HotGal defended. "I don't have to see you out of makeup to know you'd still look good." She said before clamping a hand over her mouth, as if her brain had just caught up with her words.

Ariana eyed her for a moment, blush slowly creeping onto both of their cheeks before she looked away in embarrassment.

"Sorry, I made things all weird." HotGal chuckled tensely.

"Hey, don't worry about it. I'm used to it." Ariana shook her head.

HotGal frowned. "Oh, I wasn't-" She paused, shaking her head. "I didn't mean that in like, a fangirl way." She stuffed her hands in her pockets. "I was serious."

Ariana flushed deeper, staring at HotGal with wide eyes. "Oh." She managed.

"Yeah." HotGal responded with the same stunned tone.

Ariana glanced around HotGal to see Cleo trying to wave her over and gratefully took the excuse to leave the conversation, even if it was just as awkward as continuing it.

🎤🏹🎤

Ariana managed to avoid HotGal up until her second and final performance in Hermitopolis, which wasn't an easy feat considering it was literally HotGal's job to be in Ariana's presence at all times.

"Great work out there." HotGal startled the popstar, causing Ariana to nearly choke on her water. She'd just finished her final rehearsal before the show, so she was surprised by how she hadn't seen HotGal coming when she had just been sitting in the front row moments earlier.

"Thanks." Ariana said without looking at her.

"Did I do something?" HotGal asked, the question enough to make Ariana finally look at her fully.

"What? No, of course not." Ariana answered with a shake of her head.

"Then why have you been avoiding me?" HotGal asked, a deep-seated frown on her face, eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"I haven't-" Ariana stopped herself. She kind of had avoided the other woman. "Because we don't know each other." She said instead, and somehow the truthful statement made her chest ache.

HotGal staggered back half a step, as if the answer had completely taken her by surprise. "Then, what do you want to know about me?" She asked, staring at the singer is if in challenge.

"W- What?" Ariana blinked in confusion.

"You said we don't know each other, so tell me what you want to know about me." HotGal said, crossing her arms.

Ariana stared in disbelief a moment before responding. "What's your name? Your not-HotGal name." She asked slowly.

"It's Scarlett. Scar for short." She answered without skipping a beat.

Ariana blinked. "Scar." She repeated. "It suits you."

"Thanks. My turn?" Scar asked hopefully.

"Fine. What do you want to know? And I don't have to answer if I don't want to." She clarified.

"Deal." Scar tilted her head for a moment, thinking. "Why singing?" She asked, gesturing to the switched-off microphone still hanging limply in the artist's grip.

Ariana held the mic closer, examining it for a moment. "I don't know, it seemed fun at the time. I'm good at it." She said with a shrug.

"You are pretty good." Scar agreed with a smile.

They traded little facts about each other for the next hour, until Ariana had to start her preparations for the show. She went smiling back to her dressing room, in a better mood than she had been in a long time.

🏹🎤🏹

Ariana listened to the roar of the crowd, chanting her name like a mantra. Some held up signs with her name or face, some held pink or red light sticks, many wore red and pink face paint in her honor.

Ariana! Ariana!

One cheer in particular caught her attention more than others, a name she hadn't heard much since her rise to fame.

"Go Grian!" Scar shouted over the noise from the front row, surrounded by confused fans. Grian caught her gaze and winked, setting the crowd off into another screeching round of cheers and applause.

She thanked the crowd with a wave and turned to leave, crashing into Scar just moments after stepping backstage.

"You were so great!" Scar beamed, hand resting on the shorter woman's lower back to keep her from falling after their initial collision.

"Thanks." Grian chuckled, feeling flustered. She placed her hands lightly on Scar's upper chest, intending to push her away only for the bodyguard to pull her a bit closer. She glanced up to meet her eyes through HotGal's tinted sunglasses, her heart skipping a beat at the closeness of the other woman.

"Hard to believe we'll be leaving town tomorrow." Scar said softly.

"Yeah…" Grian mumbled, a hint of sadness in her voice she couldn't cover. Then, she blinked. "Wait, we?" She asked, brows pinching in confusion.

"Yup! Cleo helped me finalize the paperwork before the show. I'm coming with you! Surprise!" Scar grinned.

Grian stared up at Scar in surprise before a grin slowly took over her face as she rushed into the taller woman, throwing her arms around Scar's neck to hug her tightly.

Scar hugged back, chuckling as she picked Grian up with ease to twirl, ignoring the squawk of surprise from the popstar in her arms.

Grian looked down at her bodyguard before Scar tilted her head up to give her a chaste kiss.

Scar tensed, eyes wide as her grip tightened reflexively. "I'm sorry, I- I didn't mean- That was-" She stuttered.

Grian smiled fondly. "Scar?" She interrupted. She waited for Scar to stop talking before craning her neck down to capture the other woman's lips in a lasting, light kiss.

When they separated, they stared at each other for a bit before bursting out into a fit of giggles, cheeks flushed and all smiles.

"Cleo is going to murder us." Grian snickered.

"Us? It'll be me they kill over this." Scar corrected through laughter.

"What is this, exactly?" Grian wondered, still smiling even as nerves crept in.

Scar's laughter quieted, staring at Grian as if lost in thought before she shrugged slightly. "Whatever you want it to be. Public girlfriends, private girlfriends, boss who kisses her employee sometimes, I'm okay with anything if it means we can keep doing this." She responded, the earnest truthfulness of it sending Grian into another fit of giggles.

Grian grinned. "Girlfriends. I like the sound of that." She admitted.

"Me too." Scar agreed, kissing her again.

[13-rats-in-a-trenchcoat]

Traffic/Evo Watcher headcanon, don't mind me

Ok, so we've known awhile now that the next season of the Life series is going to be released soon, so naturally I've been re-watching the previous seasons and going over POVs I hadn't seen before. While going down this rabbit hole I came across a Martyn stream I missed where he was talking about the Watchers lore and how he and Grian worked on it for Evo and then he kind of altered it from what Grian originally imagined (i.e. the Watchers being representative of us, the audience, who watch them for entertainment) to the more sinister lore we Traffic connoisseurs are familiar with today. This got me thinking. A lot. Too much even. What if we, the audience, were STILL the Watchers? I'm not talking about for the Life series or Evo series specifically, I'm thinking more broad spectrum, like across the MCYT multiverse type thing. I like a cohesive story, and I like puzzles, and when there are stories that look like they could be pieces of a bigger puzzle I enjoy smooshing them together in one giant headcanon that more or less makes sense, so here we go.

The canon lore we have (as I understand it anyway) is as follows: the Watchers first made themselves known during Evo, where they messed with the Evolutionists as they went through each Minecraft update, ultimately separating them for the final dragon fight where Grian would leave Evo and become a Watcher himself. From there the Listeners (who I know diddly squat about) got involved and helped the Evolutionists escape the Evo server, thus getting them away from Watcher influence. Or so they hoped. The Watchers somehow regained power over the Players that were involved in Evo, along with some of their friends, and put them in what is essentially a never-ending loop of death games as punishment for their defiance. Grian didn't like how the Watchers operated, so he left them to join his friend in the death games. The Watchers feed off the Players' negative emotions, but leave their memories, thus enabling them to start fresh each season without holding on to previous grudges (though considering Impulse's thing with BDubs and the clock and Tango's rage that might not be entirely effective)

This is where my headcanon comes in. The Watchers are a group of people/sentient beings of some kind who feed off of the negative emotions of others and watch their misery and struggles for entertainment. They're a mischievous bunch, some might even say troll-like (of the internet variety, not like in fairy tales), and at least two of them enjoy speaking in rhyme, i.e. they're artistic and dramatic. Sound familiar? Because to me this description sounds very much like the wider MCYT fanbase, especially the fan artists/writers. I mean come on, when have we NOT jumped at the opportunity to turn a pretty normal moment into the angstiest piece of writing/art imaginable. Case in point, Mumbo and Grian at the ghast farm in Last Life. They were giggling through that whole interaction, yet I've watched SEVERAL angsty animatics about just that one scene and I've loved every second of it.

This next bit is likely a pretty big reach, but the thought popped into my head and wouldn't go away so I would just like to get it out there. Grian doesn't really interact with his comments on an individual basis, but he definitely has addressed the more negative ones, especially the ones that go after his friends when they're on an opposing side of whatever war he's started at that moment in time. This ties in pretty well with him not liking the way the Watchers operate in my opinion, and it also ties in with him leaving the Watchers to help his friends. Not necessarily directly, but more in the sense of the vibes matching up.

We currently don't know enough about the Watchers to definitively say how plausible this headcanon of mine is, like we don't know exactly how many Watchers there are, or how many Listeners there are, or what separates a Watcher from a Listener, or really any info about the Listeners in general. I do think it's a pretty fun headcanon though, and until it is directly contradicted this is how I will view the Watchers. Thank you for reading my essay.

[cassyapper]

Cass I wish I could easily explain the Dream situation but it's the culmination of literal years of him mistreating and grooming people. The TLDR of EXCLUSIVELY the current insane events is.

-> Nicolas Cantu, voice actor for Gumball Watterson (the Amazing World of Gumball), was for a moment a minecraft youtuber under the handle JunkyJanker. For years the main thing people talked about wrt his minecraft career was that he beat James Charles in Minecraft Monday. However, he's been in the creator space and thus would have access to Minecraft creators.

-> In iirc 2021 Nicolas Cantu called Dream's merch shitty on Twitter. Dream's merch was in fact shitty, but Dream and his fans made his life hell over it, including taking shots at(?) his dead dog(?) Events I was not present for since I very intentionally keep Dream away.

-> more recently, people come forward with leaked snapchat messages where Dream is being sexual with minors. An adult he was Also being sexual with leaks snapchat messages confirming that the account and typing style were his. This is barely addressed until the last few weeks.

-> Dream REALLY BADLY tries to defend himself from the pedo accusations on stream. It doesn't go well for him. Shortly after, a ton of his remaining "friends" from the DSMP finally outright unfollow him. Cue the wave of "war is over" tiktoks from fans of the content creators who unfollowed him.

-> Directly after failing to defend himself on stream, Dream posts a tiktok "unboxing" a minecraft t-shirt that has the text "I love miners" on it. This is quickly deleted, but his lawyers are doubtlessly sweating. Nobody knows why the fuck he'd post that.

-> Nicolas Cantu calls him out for making pedo jokes while under accusations.

-> Dream posts a blackmail video in response to this. Said video is from an Uber ride where Cantu, then 19, is visibly drunk and manic, and Dream is clearly pressing his buttons. In said video he calls Dream a faggot. When Dream keeps pushing him, Cantu punches him.

-> Dream clearly expects this to be a hate mob against Cantu. It is not. People are mostly wondering why he, an adult well above the drinking age, is in an Uber with a drunk 19 year old. And why he's recording said drunk 19 year old. People call him THE FUCK out because he clearly was sitting on this video for some time.

-> While Dream is failing to handle this situation he's made for himself, a MCYT Burner account posts leaked dms and recordings from his snapchat of him moaning at a minor. The owner of said account files a police report in the state of Florida because said leaks apparently contain CP.

And THAT'S where we are currently.

-Music Anon (God I want off Mr Bones' wild ride)

holy fucking shit

well i appreciate greatly u taking the time to write this out for me music anon i love you beyond dearly

god dream is a piece of shit i hope if nothing else, that court case gets just enough steam to scare him into logging off for good cause jesus fuck

[voidratwrites]

i’d take all the hurt and give you the rest

MCYT Febuwhump 2023 Day 1 - Touchstarved

Tango’s got a backache that’s not his. But getting Jimmy to open up about what’s wrong isn’t an easy thing to do.

or; I am not kind to characters with wings

or or; I’m posting my febuwhumps on here as well as on ao3! content warnings and full fic under the break!

cws: self neglect, mild unintentional self harm (jimmy binds his wings, which causes him a lot of pain). Stay safe you guys.

Tango thought the worst part of being soulbound were the random aches and pains throughout the day. Not the danger of sharing a life, not the fear of accidentally killing your soulmate (though he knew well enough how much that sucked), but those little aches that had no clear origin. And that no clear origin thing? That was what made it the problem!

If he knew where they were coming from, then surely he’d be able to fix it. Tango was pretty good at fixing things! Except he couldn’t fix the pain if he didn’t know where it was coming from. It definitely did not help that he couldn’t even tell if it was actually him who was hurting.

Jimmy was not very forthcoming about the whole “taking care of himself” thing. Which was okay! Tango didn’t hold it against him, even if he wished Jimmy would be kinder to himself, and not just for Tango’s sake. Jimmy also wasn’t a fan of speaking up when something was wrong or when he was hurting. Again, Tango wasn’t mad about that, it just made things a bit, well, difficult.

Especially when it came to determining whether an ache was his, or one he shared with Jimmy. Like currently, Tango had a wicked ache in his back that wouldn’t go away. It had been building for a while now, bugging him to no end, and now it was getting close to unbearable.

He wasn’t sure what he could have done to himself to have caused it! It didn’t feel like he’d pulled a muscle or lifted something wrong, and it was definitely getting worse than just soreness from sleeping wrong or running around. It was almost like something heavy sitting against his back, something both incredibly irritating and painful.

Which meant it probably wasn’t his pain, and that meant it was Jimmy’s. That solved one problem, at least, but now there was another one entirely: getting Jimmy to tell him what was going on. Jimmy, who apologized for stubbing his toe and had to be reminded to drink water, who was most definitely hiding whatever this was.

Well. Tango was good at fixing things! Hopefully, he could fix this with minor stress for both of them.

He didn’t bring it up for a while. Really, he was trying to figure out what to do. He knew he needed to ask Jimmy about it, figure out how to heal whatever was wrong so they’d both stop being in pain. At the same time, though, he sort of hesitated at the idea of actually asking. He didn’t want to upset Jimmy, and worried he’d think Tango was mad at him, think Tango thought he was a burden. And Tango most definitely did not want Jimmy to think that.

It was actually Jimmy that finally said something about it.

They were making dinner, Tango chopping up carrots while Jimmy added them to the stew he was stirring. Bread was baking in the oven, and honestly it was really a really cozy moment. That is, until Tango bent to pick up a fallen chunk of carrot, and cried out as the ache in his back decided to very painfully complain about the movement.

Jimmy was by his side in a second, his gold eyes frantically scanning Tango like Tango had managed to get stabbed in the back while Jimmy was focused on the soup. “Are you okay?” He asked, finally meeting Tango’s eyes. “What happened?”

This was really not how Tango wanted to bring this up, but even in his own pained state, he could see the jerky way Jimmy moved like he was hurting just as bad. Tango knew he was, and that made all of it worse.

“I’m— yeah, I’m okay, I just—“ Tango hissed as he tried to straighten back up, “my back just hurts.” He looked back up at Jimmy, and yep, that was what he was trying to avoid, because the moment he said that something guilty flashed in Jimmy’s eyes.

Those eyes immediately flicked away from Tango as Jimmy backed up a bit, his mouth opening and then closing like he was trying to figure out something to say. Tango could relate, as he was also desperately trying to figure out words that would make this better, would help them figure out how to be okay.

Jimmy figured out what to say first. “I’m sorry,” he apologized, his voice small. Tango tried to protest, but Jimmy cut him off. “That’s— that’s probably on me, I didn’t realize— I should’ve known you could feel it, too.” The back pain was momentarily forgotten, Tango standing up a bit straighter, waiting for Jimmy to continue.

He didn’t, and gosh, Tango really did not want to pry or make him feel worse, but he needed to know what was wrong. “Feel what?” He asked gently, reaching out to take Jimmy’s hand with his. “I’m not upset with you, man, really, I just wanna make sure you’re alright. And not just because I feel what you feel! Genuinely dude, I want you to be okay.” Jimmy’s eyes met his again, and something shifted there, like a door opening, or a dam breaking.

“I— I think I need to show you something.” Jimmy finally said, gold eyes glittering with tears, and the pain in Tango’s chest had nothing to do with the hurt in his back. “Is that okay?”

“Of course, Jim!” Tango responded immediately, squeezing Jimmy’s hand for emphasis. “But, like, only if you’re comfortable with it. I really just want to make sure you’re alright.” Jimmy nodded, and Tango felt something loosen in his chest.

Jimmy let go of his hand, and moved to shrug off his jacket. Tango avoided making a joke about undressing in front of your soulmate, because that would definitely not fit the mood and would probably just make Jimmy annoyed, and Tango did not want that when Jimmy was finally opening up.

All thoughts of joking were forgotten, though, as Jimmy’s jacket fell to the floor and his back was revealed.

At his back were a pair of small wings, as golden and bright as Jimmy’s eyes, bound to his back with a thick cable. They were beautiful, feathered and delicate looking, but Tango couldn’t help but cringe. That was obviously where the pain was coming from; he could feel the heaviness of the bounding causing his own back to ache in more than sympathy.

“I know,” Jimmy said, voice small and as pained as his wings obviously were, “they’re ugly, aren’t they? I— I keep them bound cuz they’re really just a target, in the games, and I’ve gotten used to the pain and all but I guess I didn’t, well, I didn’t think you could feel it too.”

Tango’s chest hurt again, and he ached to reach out to Jimmy, to hold his hand or gently remove the binding from his wings, but he worried that would just make Jimmy recoil. “No!” He answered earnestly, flinching as Jimmy turned to look at him in distress, “no, no I mean— they’re not ugly.” Gosh, he was just saying all the wrong things today. “I— I think they’re beautiful.”

Maybe that was a right thing, because the distress and Jimmy’s eyes softened to something flustered. “You— you think so?” He asked, avoiding Tango’s eyes.

“Yeah, yeah of course man! They’re— they’re really beautiful, actually.” Tango fumbled, his own cheeks flushing. “I mean, they’d look more beautiful if they weren’t, like, tied up.” At Jimmy’s flat look, he kept talking, cheeks burning now. “I’m not just sayin’ that because it’s hurting us with them tied up, though that is, like, sorta a concern. You’ve had them like this the whole game?”

Jimmy’s shame was different than his embarrassment, something defeated that left Tango feeling hollow instead of flustered. Maybe that was another wrong thing, and Tango was apparently better at that than at fixing things.

Jimmy spoke up again, though, and some of the tension fled from Tango’s shoulders. “Could you help me take it off? I— I don’t want to do it, now that I know it’s hurting you.”

That was a start, at least. Tango hated that the only way Jimmy would take care of himself was if it was affecting someone else, but that was something for another night. For now, he needed to remove a cable from these wings and save both of their backs. “Of course, man. I got it.”

He kept his touch gentle, unbuckling the buckles that kept the straps in place, removing the cables and trying not to cringe at the indented and broken feathers. He focused on the softness of the feathers, and the way Jimmy melted into the touch. He could feel the relief in his own back, and it was absolutely wonderful.

“Thank you.” Jimmy whispered, his voice thick, wings trembling slightly under Tango’s hands.

Tango smiled, a little, the relief in his back reaching his chest. “Of course, Jim. Anytime.” His hands hadn’t left Jimmy’s wings. He was still marveling at their soft texture, and at the way Jimmy seemed to relax. “You know, they’d probably feel even better if, like, they were straightened and stuff.”

“You’d do that for me?” Jimmy asked as his voice broke slightly, breaking Tango’s heart a bit. He sounded as fragile as the feathers under Tango’s hands, so different from the brashness and bravery Tango admired so much in his soulmate. There was more to admire, he realized, about the vulnerability Jimmy showed, something stronger than Tango had ever seen from him.

“Of course.” He answered again, dropping his hands from Jimmy’s wings so he could face him and take his hands instead. “Thank you for letting me.”

The smell of burning bread distracted the both of them, breaking the moment. Tango let out a curse, and, with a promise to groom Jimmy’s wings after they ate, went to attend to the bread while Jimmy frantically tried to make sure the stew hadn’t messed up either.

Later, though, when they were full and in bed, Jimmy spoke up. “If you want, you can— you can preen my wings, now.” He was quiet again, like he was suggesting something awful, and Tango wished he could take whatever it was that made Jimmy feel that awfulness away.

He couldn’t, but he could at least fix his wings. “I’d love to!” He replied, sitting up behind Jimmy. Jimmy unfolded his wings, and Tango couldn’t help but marvel in the beauty of them once more. He reached out to touch them with a reverence, gently removing any broken ones and rearranging the ones that had been bent out of place.

Jimmy melted into the touch, and Tango ached seeing him so relaxed, so at peace for really the first time since they had known each other. It wasn’t perfect, Tango would accidentally pull at a feather that wasn’t broken and make them both flinch, but it was still wonderful.

Even after all the broken feathers were removed, after all the remaining ones were made to lie straight, Tango didn’t stop stroking Jimmy’s feathers. He relished the moment, took in the safety and comfort they had in one another, letting himself appreciate the relationship they had built here.

Jimmy was asleep by the time Tango finally removed his hands, slumping against Tango before he readjusted Jimmy to be laying on the pillows. His cheeks were wet from tears, and Tango’s own eyes burned, but tonight wasn’t time to get into that. Tonight was not for thinking about what might have caused Jimmy to bind his wings, to cry when someone touched them gently.

No, tonight was for laying down beside Jimmy, for letting him wrap his wings around Tango like a blanket, for falling asleep with a pain-free back and a love-filled chest.

Thank you so much for reading! If you wanna leave a comment and kudos, this is crossposted on AO3! my AO3 is VoidBrat