#filss

[rvb-quotes-but-one-word-is-pussy]

RvB meme dump #3

[correctrvbquotes]

F.I.L.S.S: Hello. This is a private facility. Visitors are not welcome. Please leave immediately. Or, we will be forced to take lethal measures, to ensure the safety of our property.

Caboose: That is great.

F.I.L.S.S: You have thirty seconds to comply, or die. Have a nice day!

Caboose: Sheila? Is that you?

F.I.L.S.S: No. I am the Freelancer Integrated Logistics and Security System. You may call me Phyllis. It is a pleasure to meet you. You now have, fifteen, seconds to live.

Church: Whoa. Dying sounds like a bad idea. Maybe we should leave.

F.I.L.S.S: Oh my, the Director. I am so sorry, I did not recognize you Sir. It has been such a long time since you have visited. You look very different.

Church: Talkin' to me?

F.I.L.S.S: Yes. You are the Director of Project Freelancer, are you not?

Church: Oh uh, yeah. Of course, that's- totally me. I just haven't been around because I've been, doing, you know... Director stuff. Can't really get into it. Secret project.

F.I.L.S.S: How may I assist you today?

Church: Can we uh... Can we come in?

F.I.L.S.S: Certainly.

The wall opens in front of them.

F.I.L.S.S: Please watch your step.

Caboose: Kinda spooky in there.

Church: Yeah... Why don't you go first?

Caboose: Me?

Church: Well I mean, you're the one with, the gun, and everything.

Caboose: Yeah, but the tree seemed to like you best. Uh hey Sheila could you-

F.I.L.S.S: Are you speaking to me?

Church: We're just kinda used to calling you, by that name? Um, maybe you should just answer him when he calls you that. Probably easier for you to change than it is for him. He's kinda dumb.

F.I.L.S.S: Alright. I will respond to that name as well. You are the Director after all.

Church: Right. I am.

[aidenpriceless]

Would like to ask, does F.I.L.S.S monitor our accounts?

She used to be in charge of monitoring accounts until an interesting incident took place where it appears she repeatedly tried to take down mine. It was quite sad to see her like that, I hope she recovered from that malfunction.

[hipstersoulgushers]

! exclamation point ! wheel !

I was intrigued by this pair up. I imagine it’d be similar to Kimball’s dynamic with Santa, FILSS giving her advice and being a little chatty for fun.

[sypsart]

good morning rvb woman likers

[rvb-relationship-royale]

RvB Friendship Fray- Round One, Part Two, Poll Four

[n3onwraith]

OH MY GOD JUNIOR SIGHTING!! YIPPEE JUNIOR MENTION!!

[favvnsongs]

two thirty am in my blorbo feelings and I like to think that alpha and filss would have been pals ;__;

[electricpurrs]

the diseases rvb gives me is that when we find out FILSS is alive and fine and wants to help the crew because she cares about then i was genuinely so happy and emotional. i got attached to the alexa ai disembodied voice

[pvtchurch]

he has literally never met a woman before and the only woman he knows WAS SPLIT OFF FROM HIS MIND.

[leonardalphachurch]

i think it’s more… he doesn’t really show any issue with talking to kai either, and even when commenting on his discomfort re: filss and tex in season 8, he still talks pretty normally, just mentioning the fact that he’s uncomfortable with them paying attention to him. the only time he really seriously struggles with talking to women is with his squad on chorus. so i think it’s less that he has a problem talking to women in general and more that he specifically was unable to handle having a squadron of only girls. the fact that it was a lot of women, paying a lot of attention to him, and treating him as if he was an authority figure to them that fucks him up. he goes from women seeing him as, at best, an equal, and usually not even that, to being seen as someone Very Cool and Capable and a person they should look up to and some even finding him attractive.

so basically like:

talking to women as a normal human being? totally fine

talking to women when Something is Expected of him? the most anxiety ridden man in the WORLD

Wait a minute. So I was just reading Simmons’s rvb wiki page (like a nerd) and it remarks multiple times in women Simmons is able to talk to normally— these being Kimball, Dr. Grey, and Tex, right? I’m sitting here like that’s weird, wonder what they all have in common—

Authority figures. He can’t talk to women if they’re his peers/under his authority, but if they’re over him? Totally fine

[leonardalphachurch]

Reiteration

What does it mean to break the cycle? What does it mean to have faith?

Short fic about Epsilon learning he needs to let go. Set just before his final speech at the end of 13.

Also available to read on Ao3

________________________________

Epsilon was created out of torturing himself.

Not “him,” but. Him.

He was torturing himself. About not being able to perfectly predict, perfectly control, perfectly protect everyone.

And, now, as he’s dying, he falls back into his old habits.

He tortures himself again, desperately trying to do the impossible.

To predict everything. To control everything.

To protect everyone.

But he can’t.

And he never could.

But this is what a Church does. He gets caught in the loop. He tortures himself, over and over, again and again. Desperately trying, desperate to get it right. To get it perfect. To get it, just this once. To do the impossible.

He can do the impossible.

…

He never could.

He never could have stopped Allison from leaving. He never could have saved Tex. He never could have prevented the bomb from going off. He never could have chased her down. He never could have gotten her right.

He never can know what comes next.

Millions upon millions of simulations. He can figure it out. He can know what comes next. He can know how to protect them. He can protect them.

He can be the one that does it.

He can break the cycle.

…

He never could.

Another simulation. Another try. Another attempt to do the impossible.

Millions upon millions and one.

Play it again, FILSS.

We need stronger stimulus. He'll break.

A great love is like a good memory.

Computer, you've got to send me back!

Play it again, FILSS

Millions upon millions upon millions and one.

This is what a Church does.

He can control them. He can predict it. He can save everyone.

He can save everyone.

The one thing I didn't realize before was this.

…

He never could.

He never could have protected them.

He never could have known what comes next.

He never could have predicted, never could have controlled, never could have protected them.

…

This is what a Church does.

But now he’s going to do the impossible.

He’s going to break the cycle.

…

Ain’t that a bitch.

[joltning]

here’s idiosyncratic/non portmanteau names for every ship done on rarepair week!(Not including the big ass polyship charts I don’t wanna be here forever.) if I missed you or you want another just ask

feel free to add or remove the ‘shipping’ after tag from these, it’s just to make them more clear. oh and if you’d like explanations just ask

sherry/ohio: sourberry

bitters/matthews: sunflowershipping

bitters/palomo: sunsetshipping

jensen/smith: licoriceshipping

bitters/smith: molten metal

ltsquad: seasonsshipping

bitters/volleyball: hibiscusshipping

ghanoush/mccallister: radioactiveshipping

jones/miller: flourrope

red zealot/blue zealot: from concentrate

ghanoush/mccallister/rebmedic: ultravioletshipping

kimball/dylan: headliners

hutch/wynn: blind judgement

georgia/utah: bubblejet

ct/south/girlie: back to backstabbers

maine/wyoming: pale indifference

carolina/ohio: analogous antithesis

blue fed/randy: festivalshipping. i mean you could also just call them funnelcake

carolina/kai: wallfighter

grey/south: psych and sike

grey/south/dylan: wiped record

south/kai: mardigrasshipping

rebmedic/volleyball: double dose

one/phase: prime integer

kimball/carolina: apex authority

grey/carolina: speedy recovery

jensen/volleyball: runner up

tex/sheila: Gadsdenshipping

chrovos/huggins: quantum gleam

dylan/carolina: insiders info

jensen/simmons: beetrootshipping

doc/donut: sugar pills

sleeves/demo: well I think they already called it iron and smoke but hm…brawnburst?

north/wyoming: sniper duel

locus/lopez: wild misdirection

church/temple: phantom chills

tucker/donut: sugar spike

delta/epsilon: ROM hack

carolina/york/tucker: beach day every day

tucker/lopez: handymanshipping

locus/siris: grapeshipping

donut/lopez/caboose: cobblershipping

kimball/felix: color negative

lopez/caboose: loading time

tucker/north: parental bond

wash/caboose: bullet train

one/danyell: (didn’t know if to separate this one from one/phase but uhh) Golden ratio

caboose/donut: come on. i can’t outdo pastry train

wash/felix: knife play

fake ct/tucker: high and dry

donut/north/south: twin braid

york/tucker: class clown

east/one (again didn’t know but um.) singular solution

sheila/cherry: sweet ride

tex/grey: call me crazy

simmons/doc: middle ground

sharkface/maine: brute-y and the beast

church/north: standard deviation

girlie/sheila: kiss goodnight

felix/jaunes mom: appletreeshipping

tex/omega: anger changer

tucker/grif: incompletely complementary

felix/north: heaven’s favorite angel

locus/wash: farawayshipping

grif/wash: roadkill

caboose/tex: heavy swing

temple/tucker: cryoblade

lopez/locus/donut: nature’s blessing

tucker/wash/donut: heavy duty spin

kimball/filss: revolutionary technology

carolina/kai/479er: flying by wire

jensen/palomo/volleyball: nerd’s tossup

florida/maine: hide and seek

florida/sarge/wyoming: usashipping (duh)

wash/grif/caboose: low speed chase

jensen/dos.0: iron giant shipping

wash/felix/locus: hook line and sinker

wash/sigma: crash and burn

sleeves/demo man/girlie: bloodbath

florida/vic: chillpillshipping

donut/felix: blood sugar

wash/donut: fresh batch

bitters/grif: solar flare

tucker/kimball: sponsored faith

donut/doc/kai: shotsshipping

wash/epsilon: recollectionshipping

texsis: yellowjacketshipping

locus/grif/simmons: mapleleafshipping

wash/tex: eclipseshipping

tucker/palomo: tsunamishipping

donut/lopez: easy bake oven

sarge/doyle: tyrannical bloodshed

felix/tucker: two of swords

church/caboose: engineshipping

[banamine-bananime]

god, the relationship between alpha and all the freelancers is just So Much. like, the way the only people alpha, apparently, is allowed to directly interact with are the fucking Director and the Counselor. that on its own would have been enough to make me tear my brain apart like no additional torture needed.

yet basement boy here knows the freelancers better than anyone. he inhabits their home in the sense that the MOI is kind of his body. that's complicated by the other AI of the MOI, like at the very least there's FILSS and she seems to run most of the MOI's day-to-day systems like life support training simulations etc., and by the fact that clearly alpha does not have constant access to all the cameras and mics of the ship or it would not be possible to lie to him about agents dying. but it's his purpose of existing to understand every minute variable about them that could influence mission success in such depth to figure out anything that can be done to help them improve and succeed and survive.

do you get me??? fucking Parasocial Relationships Man of all time. the sheer intensity of that one-way relationship. the way they'll all never get to know alpha, have no idea that in this all-time-most-toxic-workplace trying to break them there's someone who loves them so much. who they're the entire world of and who they don't know exists. and each fragment coming into the world with the knowledge they failed to keep them safe latent somewhere in them. and then getting to go out and meet these people who seem so familiar and important somehow.

i dunno man. but it keeps me up at night.

[ashen-sky]

Personal highlights from...

Red vs Blue The Ultimate Fan Guide

In honor of s19 and the continuation of where s13 left off, here are some highlights from the ultimate fan guide published back in 2015. I've been re-watching the show and it made me want to flip back through the guide. (Everything is sort of in the order it appears in the book, with a few exceptions)

Delta appears as a guide of sorts with fun facts

Caboose's position is listed as "Team Rookie/Occasional Captain/ Church's Best Friend" (it is actually struck out in the book)

He is also the only one listed with the title Captain, appearing as "Private/Captain Michael J. Caboose" (due to Wash "promoting" him, in the canyon on chorus)

Tucker is "Private First Class", Church, Donut, and Simmons are "Private"s, Sarge is listed as a "Colonel" under rank (the other Red's and Blue's ranks appears with their name while his is under "position"), and Grif is "Minor Junior Private, Negative First Class"

Wash used to be a chronic bed wetter (thanks D)

There's also a six page transcript of his psych eval prior to PF where we find out he injured a commanding officer because he wanted to "send everyone to their deaths", he also put a former bully through a mirror in fifth-grade

Grif is stated to have been assigned to Blood Gulch because he was the only survivor of an alien attack on a colony during the great war, he fell asleep at his post and everyone assumed he was KIA

Donut's position is listed as "On all fours... cleaning Red bade"

Doc's profile is "Doc/ O'Malley" and the whole thing lists both their interests, i.e "Position: Canyon Medic, Galactic Overlord"

Andy's (the bomb) name is "Andrew D. Kaboom"

Sheila and Filss share a page

Tex's notable attributes are "Kicking ass (and nuts), being a mean lady, and resurrection"

The password to unlock the file on Beta that CT left behind was "Allison" (Thanks again D)

York's page comments "Several reports were filed against Agent York claiming he and Agent Carolina had something of a "personal" relationship [...] Freelancer Command was unable to find any proof to support these accusations."

One of his notable attributes is "watching his right side" and his position is "team scoundrel"

Eta and iota (Carolina's AIs) were "fear and happiness"

According to the official time line, Carolina was around 6 when Allison died (Allison died 23 years before Blood Gulch and Carolina was born 29 years before)

Wyoming's real name is Reginald

South Dakota's Status is listed as "Extra Crispy"

Smith once spent two days contemplating in silence what Caboose meant when he said his favorite color was "Happy"

Dr. Grey's position is "(Mad) Doctor", she was considered a prodigy at age 11 when she diagnosed every patient in House M.D. within five minutes of their introduction, and she thinks Grey's Anatomy is "far too trite"

Felix and Locus' names are listed as Unknown in the book, but I do believe their names were revealed in a s14 episode

The counselor advised the director to tell Tex that Alpha was in Blood Gulch to protect him and stop her from investigating the project

Notable Features of Blood Gulch include "Avoid Tucker's Rock at all costs, as it has not been properly sterilized"

BTS from D: The opening shot of Season 6 was created by shooting players moving in different quadrants and combining the shots"

Important events at High Ground, "Washington killed Agent south in cold blood- with a much less cold flamethrower."

Fact from D: "Once a year, Reds and Blues stationed at Rat's Nest still pay tribute to Agent Alabama by sending a flaming mongoose soaring through the night sky."

Donut likes to spend his leisure time in Federal Army Outpost 37, in the jail cells in handcuffs

The statistics pages, 9 pages of stats from number of robots murdered (112) to Church's sniper rifle accuracy (9.3%)

Bow Chicka Bow Wow was first said in season 4, and Simmons never sucked up in season 12, season one had the most "son of a bitch"s at 14 Donut made 32 accidental innuendos, and the odd number of pedals in vehicles was called out on five occasions Tucker has the highest kill count of all reds and blues (counting wash and Tex), at 24 followed by donut at 22 and Tex at 21, Caboose is the lowest at 2 raised by Lopez and 3 and Church at 8 Sarge has threatened/wished death on Grif 56 times, and Donut has nearly died five times Seasons 2 and 9 had the lowest kill counts Carolina had the highest flash back kills at 68 in season ten, and the twins are tied at 23 kills in season nine

Tex's attack to free Alpha was 2 years before Blood Gulch, the great war ended 1 year after Alpha arrived in Blood Gulch and after the Wyoming incident in Blood Gulch (where they tried to kidnap junior), Chorus takes place 5 years after Alpha initially arrived in Blood Gulch

The mission books has adorable illustrations (they look like Caboose's guides from s14)

There's a mindmap for all the Leonard and Allison iterations and they they connect

Sarge has a guide on how to build a robot, scented lube is preferred, along with mad scientist goggles, a cup of baking soda, and seventeen tablespoons of sugar

More silly plans with fun diagrams

Donut's diary, D tells us that Donut washes his underwear on tuesday's

Caboose's Wisdom section on: feelings, relationships, army etiquette (including gems like crayons don't work as bullets. Use markers.), life, and the reds and blues

Simmons made a text based adventure games

BTS from D, the story of Simmons refusing to go to the Vegas Quadrant is a reference to Gus Sorola (Simmons' VA) refusing to go to Las Vegas with the rest of the rvb creators

You can find the case against Sergeant Grif from the reds at rat's Nest (he was selling red team's ammo to Caboose before he was locked up in the brig, Private Jones wore a wire tap to help the red's catch Grif's under the table dealings)

Leonard met Allison in the mess hall during basic training where he pissed off another recruit and Allison had to save his ass (Church was right, Carolina get's her temper from her mom)

I'm Church. private Church. Leonard. Leonard Church." the only thing I cared about in that moment was that she knew my name. She smiled. Her smile could light up solar systems. "Kind of a funny name. Church." "It's Jewish."

I spent the rest of basic chasing after her. In some ways, I never stopped.

Here's hoping non of our beloved idiots die in season 19! I mean, I know Church will be gone, but the others... they deserve a happy ending.

Also I miss the freelancers and AI...

[kronosveritas]

I’ve always loved Agent North Dakota, but my fondness for him is only becoming stronger the more I think about him.

(Quick break from my regularly scheduled Tuckington bullshit but I just have to get this out there. I apologize in advance if any is wrong, this is just a collection of my thoughts on North. More art coming soon)

Because, hear me out. North was assigned Theta as his ai due to his kind and nurturing nature as a person. When theta can’t sleep instead of “pulling him” (taking him offline) North stays up late with him, sometimes walking the halls of the Mother of Invention while talking to him to help him fall asleep. If that doesn’t work, you know he stays up with him all night. ALL NIGHT.

This already seems incredibly selfless and kindhearted, but it’s actually even more selfless than you’d think, because the agents are shown to almost all be quite scared of the Director, including North. The Director is also shown on multiple occasions to not care about the AIs feelings (which isn’t surprising, considering how he treats the Alpha). North stays up with Theta because he wants to be there for him, and make him feel better, but this is actually incredibly risky because it means that any training he has to do the next day he will be doing without having rested at all, and FILSS (the project freelancer onboard computer system) has been proven to be able to track even the slightest difference in reaction time and other factors during training (think of that scene when Carolina was training martial arts with the holo targets over and over again) that would inevitably be impacted by not sleeping at all, so this means North probably has to push himself ridiculously hard just so he doesn’t fall behind in stats, regardless of how crazy exhausted he probably is.

Even so, if he’s missed enough sleep I bet there have been times that his stats for that day’s training dipped slightly and the Director probably yelled at him and criticized/berated him for who knows how long. And North wouldn’t have been able to offer any sort of explanation in his own defense because he knows that if the Director found out what was going on he would most likely order him to pull theta on the nights where he can’t sleep, which North had previously told York makes theta even more scared.

In addition to this, he may actually be one of the smartest of all the freelancers, or at least the most perceptive/best judge of character. Why? Because he started to figured out what was going on with Project Freelancer before almost ANY of the other agents did. Correct me if I’m wrong, I haven’t watched these seasons in a while unfortunately, but he/York were the first ones out of all of them to figure out that the Director was lying to them about the “insurrectionists”, the first to suspect that the Alpha was being tortured, and the first one to question whether Project Freelancer were actually the good guys.

I bet that’s part of the reason that North was trained to be a sniper. I mean, yes. He was probably chosen for the sniper specialist position in Freelancer due to his incredible natural/pre established skill at the ability from his regular military duty too, but most likely a lot of his sniper training was DONE at Project Freelancer. I bet this is because the Director wanted him to be an agent due to his incredible combat sense and sharpshooting ability, as well as the fact that he had a twin who was also being recruited (and the Director is a sick son of a bitch, so he wanted to do his experiment about driving one of them crazy, which as we know ended with north being killed), but he still feared North’s natural intuition and compassion, as well as his moral compass, which were much more in tact than that of some of the other freelancers (Maine or Carolina for example), and he wasn’t really holding something over him to bait/keep him there like he sort of did with Wash (based on the guidebook). Initially, yes, North fell for the Director’s bullshit and thought that the Freelancers were the good guys, but even though he probably had fewer direct interactions with any of their enemies than ANY of the other top agents since he was a sniper and a stealth operative, he STILL was one of the first to figure out what was going on. Because he’s likely smarter than many of the others, and he’s a good person- and that’s what the Director forgot to take into account when trying to completely brainwash his agents (and almost succeeding).

ALSO, I mean, come on. The guy can DUEL WIELD SNIPER RIFLES WITH PINPOINT ACCURACY. In season 10 episode 19 (I think?) when he, Tex, and York are breaking into the Mother of Invention and trying to free the Alpha, he shoots SEVEN rockets out of the air that were fired by a LAU-65D/SGM-151 missile pod, meaning that upon being fired all the missiles fly into the air in crazy, unpredictable curving directions before converging on their target with heat seeking accuracy (so, aka- they aren’t just traveling in straight lines, their movement is random at speeds in we can safely assume are at LEAST excess of 100mph, because according to most statistics I can find on the internet, average rocket launchers shoot projectiles at around 294 meters per second (657.659 miles per hour), though we can assume these ones are slower than that based on eyesight, but still probably above the 100mph mark. And he shoots all the missiles in the span of only a couple of seconds before they can hit Tex, their mark.

This is while he is DUEL WIELDING sniper rifles! So not only is his accuracy INSANE, his reaction time is arguably even BETTER.

And the missiles he hit were not only traveling incredibly fast, but aren’t even large targets, or moving in straight paths, and he manages to destroy them all before they find their mark. BECAUSE he’s using two sniper rifles as well, I feel the need to point out that he also can’t use the scope on either one of them, so his accuracy to hit SEVEN targets traveling in RANDOM patterns, THAT FAST, is all just with his eyes, not any sort of scope or ironsight. Of course, it’s assumed that Theta is helping him to some extent somehow, but like, Theta doesn’t control his movements/aim or anything, and doesn’t increase his reaction time. Also, we at least know he verbally didn’t have time to ask Theta to do too much to help him before those missiles were fired since it happened so ridiculously fast.

CONCLUSION/TLDR: god DAMN he’s good.