#figuring out what i need to touch up on
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studying is so hard i literally cannot stay focused at all HELP MEEEE!! the most i was able to do was like haha here are the things i should study ^__^ like outlining the subtopics i struggle with and whatnot... butbthats it... im so sleepy
#figuring out what i need to touch up on#like a little study plan — but i cant bring myself to actually Do it DIEJFEJ
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#can I just. scream for a second#so as is news to no one#we need to start over the entire us medical system from scratch#also I would like to be flayed alive and start over from scratch in the skin department as well#anyway for context: I've had some kind of rash/acne/infection/irritation all over my legs for over a year now#have tried various products and changed habits and products to try and get rid of it to no avail#everyone said you should really just go to a dermatologist#(I was not that inclined to do so bc the previous and only time I'd seen a dermatologist it was not a good experience. very condescending#also I don't like making appointments and stuff. girl I don't have time)#but I decided to be an adult and go (my insurance info seemed to imply I could go with zero copay even)#spoilers: that was not the case#anyway so I show up and surprise surprise: it sucked#she was dismissive and condescending imo. was literally like 'well it could be A B or C but I can't tell'#'all of those are basically impossible to get rid of anyway but the things to try are X Y or Z'#I asked to try Z since X and Y are things that I already tried and did nothing (which I had told her!!!)#but she just kept being like 'you just need to stop picking at it. that's the real problem and that's what's exacerbating your scarring'#(wow thanks never thought of that!) (she also insinuated that my scarring was ugly)#girl I'm not 5 years old I understand.#unfortunately for me that is a compulsion so strong it would probably take years of directed therapy to get me to stop doing that#what I'm here to see you about is to figure out what the problem is and how to stop it from happening in the first place#and STOP TRYING TO MAKE IT A COSMETIC ISSUE#it's causing me pain and discomfort that's the main problem! I would like that to stop!! and me not touching it would not solve that proble#also I wanted to ask her about something else but they were too quick about it. felt very Handled if you know what I mean#but anyway#she gave me a prescription for topical antibiotic which was the thing I had not tried#apparently my insurance doesn't cover it and it's also made of gold and plutonium or something#so she gave me a coupon for it#but get this#when I went to pick it up at the pharmacy they didn't take the coupon#the guy said. 'um this only works for the generic brand. and we don't have the generic brand'
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anybody remember the stephanie brown essay I was working on under a research grant fully last summer? yeah it’s not done yet it super needs to be done and I’ve been avoiding working on it for weeks. someone tell me to just do it already
#the problem is. actually there are several problems#1) I’ve been out of the Batman/dc comics phase for almost a year so I don’t care that much about the topic#2) I am fifteen pages in and have not touched it in months so I’ve completely lost my train of thought#3) I can’t just reread it because I hate first five pages or so and I know I need to change it but I was trying to finish before editing#so now my only solution is I need to open up a new doc and completely restructure the whole thing by splicing together the existing writing#so that I can figure out where the hell im going with this and make sure things fit together better#unfortunately that sounds fucking exhausting#but I told my mentor I would have an update for him by the end of the week and. well. it’s the end of the week#I have to present it in April. I have to write and submit an abstract in March#the school gave me $1500 for this stupid essay and if I don’t have anything to show for myself.#well. I don’t know they can’t take the money BACK but it’s not a good look#and also I would feel bad#I did the research!!! i interviewed comic writers even!!! I just haven’t finished WRITING IT DOWN#and I KNOOOOWW once I get started it’ll be fine once I’m going I’m going#but STARTING is hard because I feel like I have to finish it in one go which makes it so huge and daunting#I’m like. slamming my head into a wall. just write a couple sentences Jess something is better than nothing#just start it you don’t have to finish just START just MAKE the new DOC#I know!!!!! that is what my therapist would say!!!! Jess you’re trying to oneshot it bc of your dumb adhd brain!!!!#stop looking at it like that and making it scarier!!!#but even tho I know that logically I’m still like oh I should put away the dishes o should make bread#I should work on my six different art pieces I should do laundry i should play with the puppy I should go for a walk I sh
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reread the Whisper of the Heart manga after watching the movie in theaters the other day, and as much as i adore this film as a coming of age story i really like how the romance is done in the manga
its pretty quickly apparent that seiji's early rudeness towards shizuku is due to his embarrassment (not just from his crush on her, but having been caught reading a 'silly fantasy book' - he makes fun of her for her book choices but she realizes later it's to deflect from the fact that those are also books he loves)
they have a bit more time to get to know each other and develop feelings before they get to the 'i like you' bits. also, in the manga seiji is a painter, not a violin maker - and that ties into his love of fantasy books! it's not that he checked out those books just so shizuku would see his name, but he was also reading them and curious about the girl's name on the checkout cards!
anyway, love this movie, and the short little manga is cute and good too
#whisper of the heart#now i just need to watch the live action adaptation#read the cat returns manga too - its really interesting to see the source material and how much the studio adjusted and for what purpose#this little shoujo manga is clearly just a sweet fantasy-nerdy romance story#but then in the movie they turn it into this really touching growing up story about struggling to figure out what you want to do#which IS in the manga! but it takes a backseat to the cutesy romance so its interesting to see the animators pull that to the forefront
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#so one half of the couple i'm house/dogsitting for had an unexpected medical emergency on their trip#which -- i won't go into details but it culminated in a pretty serious diagnosis and emergency major surgery#and now they're coming home today after getting medevac transport back to california#and have asked me to stay here for a few more days while they settle in#as the one who had the emergency needs 24/7 care during recovery but is being released from hospital to recover at home#and they need someone to basically keep looking after the dog/keep her from getting in the way while they figure out what care he needs#anyway i agreed to stay a few days like they asked#which means i'm trying to finish my coursework before they get back later this afternoon but man my focus levels are LOW#and honestly they have been for several days at this point because once again it seems that waiting to hear about medical stuff has become#somewhat of a panic response trigger for me since the extended nightmare of february this year with my dad#and mostly i've been able to compartmentalize but the energy that takes has truly wiped me out#to the point that i'm genuinely shocked it hasn't set off a fibro flare up (touch wood)#also i really don't know this couple very well at all -- they're mostly friends of my parents-in-law#i've looked after their dog for them several times over the past couple of years#but obviously that's been while they aren't home#and i've only had fairly brief interactions with them#so i do feel a bit awkward about being here while they're going through something so serious and personal#but they're nice people and they need the help and i'm able to provide it so i'm gonna push past that#anyway just a tag post venting thing
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Completely self indulgent post but here's one of the post-canon scenarios I have in my head for G Gundam.
Maybe skip this post if you don't like dark themes. Not all of what I've outlined is dark (most of it isn't), but I do cross the line past what appears in the show in regards to DG cells and abduction.
The shuffles all get roped into restoration projects on Earth between the 13th and 14th gundam fights, partially to have something to do alongside their training, partially out of inspiration by the common points of the Kasshus' and Master Asia's goals, and partially because netting their countries some decent publicity is likely to earn them favors during the Gundam Fight's off-years.
Sai is contacted by Kyral about an effort to clear out the infamous buildup of trash and cadavers on Everest; he wants Sai to leverage Neo China's help as something of a reparation kind of deal and Sai goes sure why not.
Sai recruits Argo because Bolt Gundam is built to withstand the cold, and he thinks Argo and Nastasha could help reverse engineer that quality to enable the use of their Gundams as both heavy work equipment and protection from the harsh environmental conditions that normally prevent this kind of operation.
George gets involved because someone he knows has a distant relative who died on the mountain a century ago, and they wanted him to check in with the forensics team on the project. This detail is important because eventually it becomes clear that there is a mystery to solve (that I myself haven't figured out all the details of yet but broadly know the setup and conclusion); DG-infected people are disappearing and not being investigated due to stigma. Our heroes are naturally going to be pissed about this, and will need an "in" with the field if they want to do anything about it.
First massively self-indulgent element: The forensics/body identification team inexplicably includes the real-world author Kathy Reichs, who somehow exists in this universe, and there's a little side bit about her having written a Bones book right before the 12th fight that featured a cooked cadaver found inside a gundam after entry into the Earth's atmosphere. There are a lot of weird coincidences in the book that parallel the DG incident, which creeps everyone out, but the similarities are merely born of the writer threading the needle of being believable and interesting in a way that became very true to life.
What does become relevant is when the Shuffles eventually meet up, she's able to explain the implications of a bunch of weird shit the fighters discovered (also Marie Louise read her book, and one of the in-universe liberties Reichs took writing about the gundams' black boxes that she explains in the afterword leads to ML realizing something important; that Neo Germany does not have its gundam's remains.)
While the Everest project is happening, Domon, Chibodee, and Allenby all want to continue their training somewhere on Earth, and receive a proposal from (an OC of mine who is) a historic preservationist (and an acquaintance of Allenby's): she has acquired the grounds of an abandoned castle in Europe* after submitting a plan to restore it, and needs to hire people to help with the labor.
*the castle is probably somewhere in Germany because I also want this pitch to have drama over Schwarz (pre-13th fight), Schwarz (Kyoji), and Schwarz (the next guy who was supposed to inherit the mask when the older ninja retired). Also Germany is fucking pretty.
In exchange for the help of the three gundam fighters, they and Rain get paid, plus room and board anywhere on the grounds, plus full access to the grounds and miles of sparsely-inhabited countryside for training purposes, and the privacy and ability to practice with their gundams that comes with being in the middle of fucking nowhere. Rain sets herself up to work a clinic in the next town over as well as practicing pro re nata wilderness medicine (I'm convinced every medic supporting the gundam fight would need to be able to do this.)
The group involved in the Castle project sticks around for a time, makes some good progress, and engage in occasional Shenanigans that come up when you put a bunch of weirdos in a Situation.
They aren't in town a lot save for Rain, but when they are they eventually start to pick up on gossip and news about the Mysterious Disappearances correlated with DG cell infection (as well as details that turn out to be important later). Eventually Rain brings this to Domon and Chibodees' attention and they decide that, yeah, this is tied to the DG, this is their problem, they should convene with the rest of the Shuffle Alliance about it.
Also of course Schwarz is involved because I'm the one writing this; the culprits' DG-tissue harvesting operation relies on having him captured and helpless, using cells from his body to "update" other victims' DG infections to a less aggressive strain. One thing I haven't decided is whether I want a reinstantiated Wong to head this shit, or make up my own morally bankrupt opportunistic asshole looking to twist the DG to their own benefits. I also need to decide where on the planet the center of all this insanity is, and it needs to be a place that isn't going to have any unfortunate implications (because that's a genuine risk with dark story elements)
... That's about as much as I have that is thought-out enough for me to explain. I return to thinking about this scenario a lot because it puts most of the characters way out of their element (and has a bunch of details that appeal to me specifically), and it kind of evolved into an incomplete plot outline that I don't currently have any plans to flesh out.
I think it's an interesting enough direction to go, because it follows through with a lot of the themes present in G, but takes advantage of the genre shift to avoid DBZ-crazy power scaling and adjusts the conflict more to a matter of where the main characters' prowess is most effective (Both in and out of the gundams. I'm assuming there are a ton of guys similar to Michelo's gang that just need fighting interspersed with everything else I described. In fact, kicking Some Group of Douchebags out of their protection racket is probably how team Castle even gets ahold of evidence related to missing persons.)
#G gundam#fanfic#fanfiction#G Gundam spoilers#dark themes#''What's another thing a villain in the Future Century might do to abuse DG cells? Perhaps an organ market but for cybernetics?''#Additional thoughts:#I believe with all of my heart that Marie Louise from G Gundam is a mystery fanatic#and would become an investigative journalist raking insane muck if she weren't a prominent public figure.#She's too nosy and eager to get her hands dirty to not be!#I put the OC I mentioned in fucking Everything I touch because she's so useful.#She can play host and provisioner to basically any plot or crossover I need her to and be exactly the amount of present or absent I want.#This OC is the one who I've mentioned on my blog before who does blacksmithing#and learned Tamahagane production out of spite to reclaim metal from weapons she made that other people have fucked-up.#I feel like this character and Domon would have some *very* entertaining interactions given that sword of his.#My girl would make ASSUMPTIONS that Domon would get really fucking offended by.#rambling in the tags#my OCs#headcanons#Edit: a little bit after writing this up I was asked to write out some of the scenes with my OC in them. I might post them at some point.#but if I do that right now I'll get distracted and not finish adding my new rambling in the tags tag to make my stuff more findable
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Wild that one day you can just look at a coworker who you're well connected with and realize you can really see them as your parental figure
#💭#🧧#this is me with my favourite coworker M 😔#I need to rant about this actually but man#I don't think I'll ever be able to meet another coworker who's as helpful and considerate as M#he helps me a lot with knowing how this job goes and giving me advices of what to do with certain aspects of my well being#he... worries so much more than I'm used to NOT being worried over ( my mom doesn't care as much about my health )#but I can tell he just cares about me a lot which I can appreciate#I also appreciate how easy he is to smile / laugh 'cause of me#as well as he does these little things for + to me that makes me feel happy and small#my father left me with my family when I was thirteen to be with his ( nowadays ex lol - lmfao even ) wife#and I never really care about the fact or long for a father figure in the end#but after meeting M - i realized near three months later of working ( end of last month ) how much he mean to me as a father figure#like... at first I was freaking out because is it Normal to think of that or-#but Sol told me it's understandable given the way he'd treat and speak to me often#such as today he gave me a banana from the cabinet where we keep snacks for the clients???#hell he even had us BUILD A SNOWMAN together today when he's constantly going through some physical pain with his limbs or back!?#he didn't gotta do all of these things with / for me but he Did#and how am I going to live the rest of my life having this thought that M cares about me so much to the point I can see him as a father#when I leave this job or he leaves first in the end#it makes me feel so sick and heartbroken thinking about it and I don't know if we'll be able to remain in touch when it happens#I just know I'll end up crying badly when either case happens lmfao#anyways anyways I just :< I like M a lot I just think he's Neat
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Depression, dysphoria, and dysmorphia is going hard tonight.
#I hate living inauthentic all the time#I hate feeling like a gross unlovable monster#I hate feeling starved for the slightest sign of affection#I hate feeling like I need to bottle everything up be and never be close to anyone because I’m a burden#and because I’m a disgusting blob of flesh#that the people in my life consume everything of me leaving no room to be the real me#I hate not being able to figure out who I am without having to justify everything I do#I don’t to be met with questions because I’m wearing leggings or a skirt#cause I’m trying to figure out what’s comfortable in the house I live in#I just want to be the real me#the me that’s in my heart#the me that will be seen as being someone to care about#not just someone to care for everyone else#not to live everyday like I’m covering from fire#but able to hold me head up high#I want to feel not so alone and isolated from every person I’ve ever met#not to feel like the slightest touch from someone would make me cry because I never get physical affection#everything would be so much easier if I just never existed
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hands on MY knees.. YOURE angelina jolie
#⠀ᶻᶻ⠀talktalk⠀#omo giys i only have one draft left then i jave to DO THINGS😭😭😭💔#i would say i dont know whats next but the list staring at me says otherwise#styling makes sense but i want some silly addons in addition to eras but i can figure out what#backstage timestamp -> need to finish. all i have is jl touching up haeil Sory……#minhui piece -> for vcstasy & i also need to finish. Fack my lkfe#twt thread is cute but that needs to be after 😭😭#heol and thats it. anyway creative team tuesday. aka daejin and friends
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smthn smthn Akane & rebirth through fire & pain go hand in hand....... Esp. in TYBW
#BITES STEEL BITES STEEL BITES STEEL#I DON'T DIVE INTO AKANE IN TYBW A LOT BUT MAN IT'S MY **FAVORITE** PART OF HER CHARACTER#SHE ACTUALLY HAS TO TAKE A STEP BACK AND EVALUATE HOW SHE'S ACTED UP TO THIS POINT#EVEN GOING AS FAR AS TO BURNING SOME PAST BELONGINGS TO GO FORWARD........#Her entire being defined by bloodshed going into fighting to protect those she loves. Her children her siblings her cousin HER DIVISION.#Akane loves fighting she truly does but in something like tybw she can't enjoy something like that-#She needs to go back to square one and find herself again. She's lost her Bankai- she needs to go back to square one and figure out how to-#-survive without it. She's so used to taking things head on because no one was able to touch her but now she HAS to reevaluate how-#-she fights and how to go about being able to protect herself WITHOUT her skills that keep her alive and untouchable.#i got yappy in the tags but I LOVE MY WIFE SO MUCH ????#SHE EVEN CONFESSES TO NAOMI THAT SHE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO DURING ALL THIS AND HOW SHE'S BASICALLY BACK TO WHAT SHE WAS-#-IN THE LIVING: A WILD ANIMAL WHO'S ONLY PURPOSE IS TO KILL. AND IT'S WHY SHE WANTS TO REEVALUATE HERSELF IN THE TIME THEY HAVE.....
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#oh my goD could my mother stop stealing all my fucking stuff for even 1 fucking week jfc#im gonna scream#she thinks that bc she's the one paying the majority of the rent and is technically my caregiver bc im too disabled to do certain chores etc#that she is simoly entitled to everything in the apartment and can do whatever she wants#steals my food steals my drinks steals my products steals my laundry card etc#now she's stealing my clothes and pyjamas#the fuck dude#i have severe skin allergies and have very selective clothing i can wear w/o a painful reaction#and now she's just. taking that too#the same way she takes the select few foods that don't set off my issues or allergies and steals the drinks that keep my blood sugar up#and steals the unscented hypoallergenic products i have to use#it never fuckin ends this woman is so self-absorbed and arrogant i rly cannot handle it sometimes (most times)#the irony is that she's a teacher and regularly works with kindergarteners who can understand 'don't touch what isn't yours'#and gives regular lectures to her students of all ages about respecting other ppl's belongings and never assuming u can take something#gives a big ol spiel about attentive listening and boundaries and respect on a daily fuckin basis from 8 am to 8 pm for her 2 teaching job#then comes home and immediately disregards that to take everything that isnt hers / disrespect my belongings and space#and yell at me when i tell her not to / get mad at her for doing it#ma'am.#ur 5 yr olds understand this. so do ur 8 yr olds. u r 60 MF YEARS OLD WHY CAN U NOT COMPREHEND THIS#nah actually the worst part is that she *does* understand it. she simply doesn't care#she would never do this to anyone else just me. bc im disabled and a burden and she hates having me depend on her for things.#idk if its vindictive or bc she feels like i owe her for basic care and decency or if she just enjoys lashing out like a petty bitch#i stopped trying to figure it out a long time ago#all i'm fucking asking is for her to STOP STEALING MY SHIT#is that so much to beg for. is it#ugHdjddjsk#someone find me a wall i need to bash my head against it#(or maybe hers. that might be better)#ask to tag#negative
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Okay, you know what?
The bastard is almost, on an aesthetic level, not terrible to look at while he’s like this.
Asleep, he can’t be a fucking sociopath or an asshole. Those too-clever eyes of his aren’t judging and dissecting, they’re closed.
The absence of that bright blue gaze makes him seem surprisingly vulnerable.
So does the way Daz has, in the short while he’s been asleep, already snuggled up to him and is being clingy.
After the last few hours of running around looking for him, it’s a relief to know that he’s been mostly fine all along.
Naturally, when Daz didn’t come home, Raine got worried. The Council, aside from Lee who had been kept out of it, have been searching his known hidey-holes for hours now.
Obviously the HQ was one of the first places they checked, but the wall that leads into the hidden room was sealed off. They assumed that meant he wasn’t there, so they ignored it.
It wasn’t until Aster, in a last-ditch attempt, decided to open it up and check that the bastard was found.
He’d been fine, thankfully. Just having hyper fixated on the code and shut out everything else.
Aster carefully takes his com out and taps out a message to the others.
ShiningAster: bastard located. fine but asleep. focused on coding body for Innit, forgot he has a human body.
RaineStorm: seriously?? uhg, at least it’s normal shit this time
RaineStorm: as opposed to soul crushing despair and existential terror
Khons: need help moving him? ShiningAster: staying here. fell asleep on me, he has nightmares. also touched starved. might be less bastard if he gets good sleep
It’s only a little bit of a lie. Technically, none of that was wrong, but the implication was that Daz wasn’t strongarmed into accepting.
RaineStorm: yeah his nightmares are BAD and music only kinda helps.
ShiningAster: I think I can fix it. saying more will make him pissy
Khons: well if he’s not in trouble and staying there we’re going to bed
ShiningAster: night
RaineStorm: gn
RaineStorm: it’s gonna be really funny seeing him fall for you ngl
ShiningAster: its gonna be weird as fuck for me
After a moment, he switches to DMs.
ShiningAster: at some point we have a kid. Not adopted I think. looks just like him. her name is Azira. means rising star.
RaineStorm: WHAT THE FUCK??????
ShiningAster: also he made a deal to help with Innits body for seeing the same shit I do. but for me obviously
RaineStorm: oh my god that stupid asshole
RaineStorm: maybe he’ll learn his lesson. bc you’re def good to him, I know you.
ShiningAster: hes capable of being good to me back. too busy being petty for now though
RaineStorm: yeahhhhhh. he’s def an acquired taste. but he really is a great guy when you get past his him-ness
ShiningAster: lol
RaineStorm: he figured out I’d want a heated tub, art studio, and a porch. it’s freaky tbh but it’s nice.
ShiningAster: sounds fake but ok
RaineStorm: you’ve never seen him be like that so it’s hard to picture but it’s true!
That’s not quite right; Aster has seen Daz be kind and generous to others…he’s just never been the target.
No, maybe that’s not fair. He’s dragged Aster to a place of being better in a way he never would have done on his own. Despite his attitude, it did still benefit Aster.
Granted, he’s also been an asshole on purpose for literal years, so. That kind of events out.
ShiningAster: honestly just want to eat his damn food without being drugged
RaineStorm: something something the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach
ShiningAster: it sucks so bad to play chicken on if Ill suffer when I touch his cooking
ShiningAster: usually its worth it. at least until whatever he put in it hits
RaineStorm: and now we know why
ShiningAster: maybe therapy will fix him
RaineStorm: ngl I think not thinking he’ll kill anyone he loves will do wonders on its own
RaineStorm: but therapy will help too probably
ShiningAster: cant say much for obvious reasons but hes fundamentally broken. has been for most of his life.
ShiningAster: but Id never have a kid if he didnt seem in a good place. so whatever he does works
RaineStorm: have you considered it might be the power of love
ShiningAster: fuck you
RaineStorm: I’m serious!! think about it, he’s spent like 4 years thinking being loved will get that person killed
RaineStorm: he might have divine confirmation but he’s stubborn. might not feel real
RaineStorm: soooo someone who loves him despite his bullshit might be the thing that makes him be less…yknow
Ah, another reminder of how deeply fucked up Daz actually is.
ShiningAster: could be having someone who knows his secrets or even just Innit being out
RaineStorm: remind it that it needs a new name btw. too close to existing ones
RaineStorm: but yeah that probably helps too
RaineStorm: I feel awful I never noticed he was so…unwell
ShiningAster: hes good at hiding what he wants to hide. cant blame yourself when hes a master manipulator.
Said master manipulator mumbles into Aster’s chest, voice small, “I missed you.”
And, fuck, something in his chest feels like it cracks when Aster realizes what and who Daz must be dreaming about.
There’s nobody it could be but his former mentor. The person who gave him everything he ever wanted…and then committed an unspeakable sin against him.
Clearly, Daz still misses him. Despite what Dream had done to him, a part of him still misses the person who crushed him infinitely worse than anyone before him.
Despite only getting brief glimpses of that time, Aster gets the impression that Dream had been someone whose preciousness went beyond words.
Yet Daz couldn’t stomach letting him have his way after what he did. He rejected a place as a near-god beside someone who, despite the sickness in his soul, was devoted to him to a disturbing degree.
That…takes a strength of will that Aster isn’t completely sure he could match.
Fuck, nor does the decision to use the lethally broken enchantment as a backup plan.
If the rest of the server had failed to kill him, Daz would have chosen a death so agonizing that it chills Aster to his core.
It’s not hard to see why Daz is so…himself, honestly. Aster might not be able to think like him, nor agree with his actions, but in a fucked up way he can follow most of the logic now that he has the pieces.
He swallows as Daz’s voice wavers and cracks. “You said you’d protect me, so why…”
Aster adjusts his arms to a more comfortable positon, and messes with his hair more. “I’m not him, Daz. You’re not Tommy any more. Dream was sick– you know that.”
Horrifyingly, Daz starts shaking as he cries.
He rushes to add, “But– but you can have something new. Fuck, if you can be even halfway decent, I’d fall for you pretty damn quick. You can be charming, you know? And– and pretty romantic. It was– maybe it wouldn’t be awful. If you just stopped being such a bastard–”
At a loss for what else to do, he cuts himself off and starts humming.
Eventually, Daz slips back into deeper sleep.
But the memory of this unsettlingly fragile side of him will remain in the back of Aster’s head. Even when Daz is being the biggest bastard he can be…Aster knows he’ll remember this.
#chronotag#shiningaster#dazzlingvoid#Aster has COMPLICATED FEELINGS about this!!#on one hand he still has a lot of resentment and anger bc of Daz's actions#on the other like--#Daz is shockingly vulnerable in this scene. it's not something Aster has seen of him y'know?#trauma is dealt with with snarling anger and seething hatred#not crying. not asking 'why' in such a broken voice.#so yeah. Aster is like-- 'fuck I kind of see what future me sees in him#he's stronger and weaker than I ever imagined#and maybe since I already know that I'll fall for him anyway it's....okay? to feel something here???#let's start with pity. I'll begin there and see if he fucks it up.'#also yeah Raine is like WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN YOU TWO HAVE A KID#he's having a little crisis at home lmao#'there's no fucking way I'm not one of multiple godfathers. is it me Theo Lee??? (yes)#do I. do I start figuring out baby shit now. how quick does this happen. there's like 9 months at least right?#I can start when they bring it up probably. but also this is DAZ AND ASTER'S KID#gods help that poor kid. what do you need to babyproof a house actually that's something innocent I can research'#esp after Aster stops replying he's just left to deal with his ?????????????????? about it all LMAO#like granted he's also proud that Daz is letting Aster help him sleep. Daz rejects most kinds of touch in blackout rooms#but especially anything that lasts a long time#this is a HUGE deal for both of them and Raine (as their mutual bestie) is like YEAHHHHH GO ENEMIES TO LOVERS ARC#Raine def has THOUGHTS about all this btw. if anyone cares.
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when I mean quit traumatising me with thoughts about a volleyball manga, I meant it. What am I supposed to do with the knowledge that Hinata knew his weakness from the start and seeking individual growth (greed being a positive thing) doesn’t make him any less of a team player? Or that their extreme love for volleyball is what isolated them until they found each other? (or how entirely besotted Kageyama was with Hinata right from the start lmao) But really, reading your posts give me a greater appreciation for the manga and I didn’t even know that was possible! Thank you for your analysis, although I will be suing for psychic damage every time I see your posts in my feed because I end up thinking about them too much. I really like that you love Haikyuu so much, that love is contagious and you make me like it more.
Dunno, personally I find it fun to inflict my brain rot on others. The joy of suffering together or whatnot.
As for what to do with it, you can always just spin all that around your head for eternity and spit it out in various ways the way I've been doing for like 2-4 years now. Or use it to extrapolate even more insane heartbreaking headcanons and aus. They're both fun!
(Re: kageyama being besotted for hinata, that reminds me I have a post somewhere about kageyamas canon three step journey of falling in love with hinata but idk where it is. If I have time to find it I'll repost it for you because it's a good post (they make me want to chew on glass))
Im glad that I make you love hq more because honestly, there's few things better than being able to share your love of something with someone else and when you can bond with other people over that shared interest. It's sooo delightful. And like personally, interacting and having conversations and talking at people makes me like it and think about it more. It's also the way that i flesh out my thoughts. Whenever I post something especially long on here, it usually because I talked about it recently to or at someone.
Feel free to sue me for psychic damage, I find the idea utterly delightful but also you're really to blame because your asks make my day and make me want to write more about hq and kagehina
#their love for vb isolating them is so heartbreaking and so heartwarming#like ive written dozens of posts about how finding out the extent to which kageyama was also lonely#changes our perception of their dynamic and how much it means to kageyama#and even without that the way they bond together so quickly because theyre so desperately lonely#how theyre the last hq pair to find each other and when they do they never let each other go#and how all of this ties into greater themes about hq pairs and about the juxtaposition of how your extreme love for something specifically#vb#can bring both isolation and connection#the thing you love hurts you#the thing you love heals you#to have one you must accept the other to have one you HAVE to experience the other yoo#*too#the way kghn compares to the twins or iwaoi or even kindaichi and kunimi#and then like the stuff about hinatas self awareness his humility almost#and how its in stark contrast with the way he refuses to give up for even a second refuses to doubt his surefire belief in kageyama the way#he forcibly swallows down his split second fears#and like i was posting about recently the way that this knowledge is shared with takeru with hoshiumi with daichi with other shorter players#and how his ego issues tie him to oikawa#how you need to have greed to succeed and the way haikyu handles that with the kghn conflict about how kageyama thinks hinatas going to#destroy the team and instead hinatas greed spurs them to greater heights#and how that itself ties in to that other theme about how you can and should demand the best#from your teammates#and figuring out the lines of when is it ok to demand when is it not when is it ok to be greedy or to not to what extent?#the ten billion things furudate has to say about teammwork - ah i think you just touched like 3 of my absolute favorite hq themes and#im about to hit character limit soon because these are themes i cant shut up about#haikyu#asks#tag ramblings#brotp: someone even better
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The Man of Progress, Chapter 2
[Read on AO3]
Written for @infinitelystrangemachinex, who is the whole reason this fic exists in the first place, since if she had not introduced to me the potential of Mel and Viktor to begin with I never would have watched Arcane, and then if she had not made this fic her birthday wish last year, the idea for it would have definitely moldered in my Potential WIPs files, neevr to be seen. This was ALSO for her birthday, but the draft did not stop at 6K, and so I decided to take my time with it 🤣
The glacial pace of progress might exasperate those more used to the churning cogs of commerce, ever ready to break the unwary between their teeth, but this is hardly the first time Mel has patronized one of these academy engineers. Oh, they might bow and scrape and extend their gratitude on bended knee before money has changed hands, but once that investment sits heavy in their accounts, well— there is a fine line between patron and employer. These engineers might tolerate the first, but under the latter, well…there are statues around the Academy of men throwing off their chains, as much warning to potential investors as it is a celebration of their achievements.
Innovation Does Not Suffer Tyrants. Neither, it seems, do their students suffer direction.
So Mel opens her purse when Talis shuffles up to her doorstep, wearing a smile that’s sure to have opened doors for him before, if not a couple of windows. For all his fresh-faced, boyish charm, he is a skilled negotiator— or rather, a skilled beggar; a talent he must have acquired from years of being under Councilor Kiramman's well-manicured thumb. In all his blustering talk of progress, he only obliquely brushes the angles of their meeting that fateful night, flattering her broad-mindedness and forward-thinking while also thanking her for her continuing interest. A neat little way to put her in a corner, provided a promise was made.
Which it was not. She’d been careful to hedge her bets with this boy wonder, no matter how prettily he performed that impassioned plea.
But there’s little harm in letting him believe that there’s an understanding between them, that her actions in that darkened corridor confer a loyalty that transcends simple business. On the contrary, that’s the currency in which these Academy engineers set their stock. Money may move mountains, may turn a floundering lab into foundry of progress, but these academics sank or swam on the height of their reputations, rose or fell on the strength of the hands helping them up— or shoving them down. A nice bit of seed money would see her a cut of the profits, but letting Talis think that a bond was forged in Hextech’s glow, well…
She couldn’t outbid Heimerdinger— not that he’d ever be gauche enough to put his own money down; he’d call it an Academy Grant and let himself be seen as a benevolent mentor rather than vile investor— but she could at least ensure that they played on the same field. A thing that mattered now, when all the other councilors raced to put their hats— and their wallets— into the ring.
Kiramman was already of the opinion that she owned him down to his hammers, eager to play mother and master in equal measure. And Hoskel, well— for a man whose fortune was made on sail ships and long-haul voyages across the Conqueror’s Sea, from Damacia to Lokfar and beyond, he’s strangely insistent on babysitting his investments on land, arriving for an hour every other day or so to wave his hands around and be seen, as if simply standing on the site made it his. Salo must be much the same, even if she hears less about it; slinking and sneering makes so much less of an impression than Hoskel’s huffs and haws. Why, he must be half covered in hives by now, surrounded by so much grease and dirt and work.
So Mel gives them their space. They have a lab to construct and wonders to build; they hardly need councilors swanning in day in and day out, demanding to be shown how every last bit of their investment was spent, down to the last Washer. She had to stand apart, to be the one that didn’t press. A councilor who understood the process. An investor they could trust with their vision.
To the assistant, at least. Viktor. No last name. Typical of the Undercity. Talis might glad-hand and rub elbows and kiss babies, but it’s Heimerdinger’s shadow who ensures that every Silver Cog received goes where it should instead of passing through that strange field of theirs, never to return.
“Not that one,” she hums, waving away silk and lace, as cunningly draped as it is. “What on earth was that man thinking? Really.”
Elora blinks, first at her, then at the dress, confusion weighing heavily on the corners of her mouth. “The designer had been sure you would like it. He said it fit your…aesthetic sensibilities.”
She trails a finger down the back line, lower and lower until she reaches its nadir, right where her low back would have turned to something lower still. Pity. “It’s white.”
“Well, yes,” Elora allows. “That is the primary color in your wardrobe. He must have taken your preferences into consideration when he made it.”
Mel arches a brow, a corner of her mouth following suit. “Yes, but what he should have considered is why.”
Where some might knit their brow, Elora’s only lift, a question even as she answers, “Because you like it?”
“Because I want to stand out,” Mel corrects her, amused. Only two steps takes her to the window, where Piltover spills out beneath her outstretched hand. “In a city of blue and brick and beige, white shines.”
“Ah. Right, I see.” Her head bobs, officious and efficient, as Medarda expects from their domestics. “Dressing to impress.”
“No, dear.” The phantom of her reflection smiles in the glass . “I dress to awe. Especially reclusive little inventors who don’t make a habit of going to these little soirées.”
Elora glances down at the gown, mouth furrowing at the corners. “I think Talis is already impressed.”
A snort spills out of her, quickly stifled. “No, no, not him. The other one”—her hand waves; elegant, simple, and completely dismissive— “Heimerdinger’s assistant. Former assistant now, I suppose. Of the two of them, he’s the one I need to convince into my corner.”
Too bad her own assistant hardly is. “That one? He doesn’t seem very…?”
“Personable? Sociable?” she offers, amusement dripping from every word. “Human?”
“Important,” Elora decides. “Talis is the one that has been meeting with their investors. He’s practically the face of Hextech. But his partner…”
Is no more than a blur in the papers, a face turned away when the shutters closes, a smear in the background of Talis’s singular achievement. If Jayce Talis has made himself the face of Hextech, then Viktor is the ghost that haunts it. The phantom that is churning out their prototype even now.
“All the more reason to catch his attention,” Mel hums, thumbing through the rack of gowns rolled against one wall of her office. “Talis is a known quantity. Academy engineer, scion of a minor house, has a jawline you could forge a hammer on. Handsome, clever, and sure to wave whichever way the wind blows. But the assistant…he can be managed.”
A corner of her mouth curls. “Who knows, I might even come as a relief, after being bullied around by the good professor all these years. I just have to…impress him first.”
Elora glances at the gown slung across her fingers, skepticism marring the smooth line of her brow. “And you think a dress will do it?”
“Not that one, certainly,” she snorts. “But another…that might put him off his guard. Let me insinuate myself a little more firmly into his good graces. A little novelty never hurts on that front.”
Neither does a little attraction, but, well, a woman must always leave a little mystery in reserve. Even with her most trusted assistant. “That’s quite a bit to put on a dress, isn’t it?”
“Perhaps.” Black and leather and silk slithers over Elora’s arms as she lays another across them. “But I think this one can handle it.”
*
On the hanger, the dress intrigued, a study of soft and hard, of supple and stiff, of structure and drape. A winner, the Revered Professor might say, so long as it was about gears and cogs, and not fashion and fabric.
But on a body— her body— the dress is less a work of art and more a marvel of modern engineering, a bulwark of leather and boning that somehow gives off the same gravitas as marble or granite, while yet still possessing the same ease of movement as water down a fall. It eddies around her legs, baring and concealing with each step, a come-hither wrapped in a stand back. Councilor Kiramman corners her not three strides across the floor, stemming the opportunity for compliments— on purpose, she’s sure— but by the palpable press of the stares on her back, it seems that it has achieved its purpose.
“Is that your plan then?” Elora murmurs at her shoulder as Kiramman holds court, words straining to bear her disbelief. “Shock and awe?”
Mel allows her head the barest tilt. “Are you worried?”
“Not so much worried as” —she hesitates, casting her eyes about the room, as if it might give some hint as to how to smooth the edge of this blow— “it’s putting quite a bit of cargo on one ship, isn’t it?”
Her mouth curls. “You’re not much of a gambler, are you?”
Elora’s brows raise, not impertinent enough to be reproach, but it was certainly a cousin. “I hadn’t thought you were either.”
“I’m not,” she hums, rolling the stem of the flute between her fingers. “But even I know that roulette can’t be won by going all-in on a single bet.”
Her mouth puckers, unease drawing heavy brows together. “Then how—?”
“There he is!” Councilor Kiramman tears herself from her sermon with a smile, arms falling wide as she calls out across the floor, “The man of the hour!”
“The trick,” Mel murmurs, only loud enough for Elora’s ears. “Is to know the man at the wheel.”
She prepares her own smile as she rolls her weight off the pillar she's attached herself to, one that’s both gracious and dazzling, designed to set the gold spattered across her cheeks shimmering and throw weary engineer eyes wide—
But when she turns, her night sky is occluded by an unexpected front of broad chest, barely contained by its waistcoat. “Mister Talis,” she hums, her dulcet tones hardly disguising the spines of her disappointment. “What a pleasure to see you here.”
“Of course it is,” Kiramman laughs, patting him right below the silken knot of his tie. “We can’t have a gala without its guest of honor.”
His grin tugs to a grimace, but with a face as fine as his, Kiramman hardly notices. He pats her hands absently, as an indulgent son might his doting mother— fitting, since the councilor has already turned her attention away, humbling boasting about his achievements, as if she were his.
But it’s Mel that his amber gaze fixes to when he rumbles, “I’m glad to hear that, Councilor.” He adjusts his tie, bashful, the way men who are certain of their welcome can afford to show. “I have to admit, it’s nice to see a friendly face here. I’m not used to fancy shindigs like this.”
That’s hardly what his suit suggests. Oh, it’s certainly a few years out of fashion, the cut not as close as the young men like to wear it now and the colors not as bold, but menswear changes by degrees, not entire angles. It’s still well within the bounds of modernity, hems and cuffs worn but well-repaired, every seam neatly tailored from the start.
“I would have never known.” She can spare him this little earnest comfort; he certainly won’t be seeing much more of it tonight. “You look like you could have been born with a champagne flute in your hand.”
“Ah…” To think that a boy his age could blush so completely, red from collar to hairline. “That’s kind of you to say. I feel like everyone in this room looks at me and sees hammers.”
Perhaps, but only the ones measuring the breadth of his shoulders and comparing it to the tuck of his waist. “How is your partner doing? I suppose he must be even more left-footed among this crowd.”
Talis blinks, bashfulness breaking under a boisterous laugh. “Oh, Viktor? He isn’t here tonight.”
“He” —her gaze falls to his elbow, lingering on the empty space where a scowl is conspicuously missing— “isn’t.”
“You know how it is.” He leans in, one side of his mouth hooked into a boyish smirk. “This isn’t really Viktor’s crowd.”
Only moments ago he had claimed it wasn’t his either. “I was under the impression that a guest of honor typically attends their own party. Especially one thrown by the patrons funding their research.”
“Ah…” Talis has the grace to look sheepish now, scratching at the back of his closely clipped scalp. “Well…when you put it that way…”
Kiramman laughs, a haughty little giggle that would fit better in her daughter’s mouth than her own. “Oh, come now, Councilor Medarda, I can hardly take offense. Jayce came, after all.”
“He did,” Mel allows with a smile so gracious her teeth ache. “I simply expected that at a gala to celebrate the future of Hextech, we would be able to see both men helming the project.”
“Oh, really. It’s not as if we don’t know who came up with the idea.” Kiramman hooks her hand around Talis’s elbow, giving him a pointed jostle. “When we honor Heimerdinger, you hardly invite his whole laboratory to celebrate.”
“Ah, but you see, Councilor…” Talis clears his throat, hesitant. “Viktor’s not some technician. He’s my full partner. There wouldn’t be Hextech, if he hadn’t—”
“Of course, of course,” Kiramman soothes with a motherly pat on his sleeve. “We all have our assistants, don’t we? I don’t know where I would be without Alannah keeping me on point.”
Those healthy cheeks take an ashen cast now, his gaze darting to her as if she might spare him some quarter. But Mel simply takes a sip of her champagne, making a mental note to compliment Hoskel on the vintage. “Yes, I’m sure that’s very useful, Councilor. It’s only…Viktor—”
“’Great minds must be free for greater ventures,’” Kiramman quotes, though Mel could hardly say from where. Perhaps one of Revered Professor’s contemporaries, by the way Talis jolts at her side. “Don’t you agree, Jayce?”
He laughs, one hand tugging at his collar. “Ah…of course. Great minds.”
“Is that so?” Mel raises her brows, utterly unimpressed. “And here I was, under the impression that it was action, not ideas that saved Hextech from the incinerator.”
“Councilor!” Talis practically chokes on the word. “I—”
“Oh goodness, is that Lord Albus?” It’s Lady Kiramman that tugs on Talis’s arm now, all gracious smiles as she peels him away from the councilors jockeying to get a word in edgewise. “Clan Ferros has been quite interested in your progress. If you talk to Albus now, I’m sure he would be quite amenable to working out a generous understanding…”
“But Councilor Medarda—”
Kiramman’s smile sharpens, carving a line in the parquet between them. “I’m sure she will excuse us. Won’t you, dear?”
“Of course.” She lifts a hand, the barest shrug. “Far be it from me to keep you from Lord Albus and his generous mind.”
And wallet, she doesn’t add, but by the desperate look Talis spares her over his shoulder, she hardly needed to.
*
Elora might marvel at her endurance when it came to wearing heels the length of her arch, or gowns with the sort of architecture that left marks as dark as a lover’s in the morning, but it’s always been the mask that has wearied her most, the unending strain of smiling where there was not a granule of good humor left in her hourglass. An actress might don a role for three acts, but a politician lived it for every waking hour of their day— and sometimes, well into the night.
There are moments, however, where she might let her cheeks rest, where her face might fall into its natural lines instead of to the ones her act demands. She locates one well into the night; a balcony left abandoned now that night had fallen and there was no sun to set Piltover glittering. This one would have been on the wrong side of the estate anyway; there’s only the suggestion of trees when she squints into the night, a handful of the hundred that flood the landscape this far from the city proper. Nothing that would interest any of the pillars of Piltoverian progress milling about the Kiramman ballroom.
So to find Talis there, tucked away in the shadows, is a surprise as well as a disappointment. Not much of one— she had expected him to find her later; there is nothing men love to do more than explain away their foolishness, especially in front of a woman— but she must admit, she thought he might be alone when he made the attempt.
“Councilor!” He straightens from his hunch, the bulk of his body no longer blocking the slim one curled beside him. “I, er…”
“I’m sorry,” she says, annoyance leeching sincerity from her tone. “I didn’t mean to interrupt.”
“You didn’t! It’s just…” He sends one of those helpless looks to his companion, and she huffs, unfurling all her coltish limbs until only Kiramman’s daughter remains. There’s none of her mother’s elegance in her— there rarely is, in fourteen year old girls— but there is her sheen of shrewdness, and the promise of her father’s height.
“It’s fine.” The girl’s chin tilts proudly, the familiar curl of her lip breeding true. “I don’t mind. I was done talking anyway.”
She wasn’t, and she does— at least, so the pouty pitch of her voice implies— but she’d die rather than admit it. Especially in front of her. Better just to pretend it was and sulk in private.
Mel’s mouth twitches. That girl would make a good councilor herself, in time. Or at least a very convincing cat.
“Caitlyn…” Talis may call out, but he doesn’t do much else to stop her, watching her walk out with little more than a wince. “Ah, sorry about all that. She’s just a kid.”
He shrugs, as if that should mean something to her. Perhaps it would, if she were used to children. Maybe more, if she had ever been a child herself. “I think my forgiveness is the last of your concerns tonight.”
Mel settles a hip against the balustrade, for once looking down on Piltover’s most popular lantern jaw. It brings her close enough to see the flex of his cheek, nerve jumping right beneath the skin. “Ah, don’t worry. Caitlyn’s a good kid. She’ll just be glad I didn’t talk over her head like everyone else.”
Her eyebrows arch. “I wasn’t talking about her.”
His head snaps up, wide-eyed and slack-jawed, reminding her of nothing more than one of Kiramman’s hounds caught stalking tonight’s entrée. “Ah…?”
“You let Cassandra Kiramman call him your assistant.” She snorts, one arm folding over her waist. “You better hope it doesn’t reach your business partner’s ears. At least before you can explain yourself.”
“Ah.” His teeth clack down in a grimace. “Yeah, Viktor won’t take that very well.”
“Great minds rarely do.” She hums around the rim of her glass, obscuring her smirk. “I hope you have a good excuse ready. I’d hate for your project to fall behind due to some…creative differences.”
“That won’t happen.”
He snaps upright, and she expects that stiff spine to radiate with earnesty, for those honeyed eyes of his to gleam with academic fervor, but instead there’s a sort of desperate calculation in them, the flywheels of his mind running an entirely different set of numbers.
“Listen…” Talis scratches at the back of his head, the line of his shoulders tense. “I know this party, well…it wasn’t really your idea.”
To put it mildly. A fund-raising gala might have been in her plans eventually, but was supposed to come after a working prototype, something she could arrange to show to its best advantage after a few drinks and canapés. But Kiramman had needed to flex her talons, showing just how deep she could sink them in Talis, if she had the interest.
“I’d like to make it up to you.” Talis favors her with his most charming smile, the kind that opened wallets as easily as hearts. “You were our first investor after all.”
She lifts a brow. “And how exactly do you plan to do that?”
“A personal tour. Tomorrow. All access.” She’s half tempted to shield her eyes from the way he beams, eager to please. “It’s the least we can do, considering how much you’ve helped us out.”
That’s certainly one way to refer to the small, personal fortune she’s put in their accounts. But she’s hardly going to quibble over verbiage when he’s offering what she’d been planning to charm out of him. “And you’ll be there? Both of you?”
“Sure.” His mouth tightens around the word. “Why not?”
*
For men who have walked the hallowed halls of the Academy, who are used to the great vault of its atria, filigreed columns stretching their ribbed arms toward the heavens, the warehouse is just as starkly humble as the day they bought it. At least it isn’t just as empty. When Talis comes to meet her, he emerges from one of the newly erected partitions, hurrying across the floor to clasp her hand.
“Councilor!” His greeting echoes from all directions, all-encompassing, with a smile just as overwhelming. “You made it.”
“How could I not when you promised to show me around personally?” She lets her mouth slant, teasing. “After all, everyone notices when the guest of honor doesn’t arrive to their own party, don’t they?”
“Right. Of course.” Talis’s smile wavers, just for a moment. “I’m just glad to see you were serious about this.”
“I’m not in the habit of making light of my investments, Mr Talis,” she assures him. Unlike some of my colleagues, she doesn’t say, but by the way his eyes tighten, she doesn’t have to.
“Ah, of course, councilor.” He claps his hands together, dispelling the awkward air that’s settled between them. “Well, I hope you’re ready for your tour! Everything’s still in development, but I think there’s some real exciting things I can show you if—”
“Just you?”
Talis blinks down at her, confusion knotting the space between his heavy brows. She peers pointedly at the empty space beside him.
“Ha, ah, yes, well, Viktor’s busy.” His tongue trips over the polite lies trying to rush off it. “We’re still trying to stabilize the spheres, you know, or well— their output at least. See what we can actually do with Hextech, once we can get it up and running on demand. I know that’s probably too technical for an excuse, but, er— lots of places we can improve. Lots of places we have to improve, to make our deadlines. You know how it is.”
Mel stares up at that simpering smile and bites back a sigh. “Well, then,” she manages, perfectly cordial as she winds her fingers around his elbow. “I’m glad that you could be spared, then.”
Pink tingles the highest arc of his cheeks. “Well, councilor, you’re a top priority to us.”
“Some people in this warehouse have a strange way of showing it.” She hums, letting her smile widen.
There it is, that grimace. That barest flash of apology in his eyes before he looks away. “Ah…I’m sure…er…”
���Don’t worry, Mr Talis.” She pats his arm, radiating confidence. “This will hardly be my only visit. I’ll have plenty of time to get to know your partner.”
“Right.” The word see-saws in his mouth, uncertain. “Next time, maybe.”
“Next time,” she agrees. “Definitely.”
*
Councilor Hoskel is the sort of man who prefers to attend parties, rather than host them; despite the decadent vintages he imports, he would rather sell them rather than serve them, mainly at exorbitant prices that make even the highest lords hesitate. And yet, he cannot squirm out of the duty entirely, not without earning himself a reputation as an unrepentant miser, a skinflint whose clan others should be wary of associating with.
And so when he must unbend, it is to this: not some gleaming gala or intellectually stimulating social, but gambling.
“Did you know that in Demacia, they race actual horses?” Hoskel’s laugh wheezes across his lap, spindly fingers sketching out the thinnest suggestion of a thoroughbred. “Barbaric, really. All down to the animal at that point. Nothing at all to do with the skill of the jockey.”
It’s a smaller track than the ones she’d chased Kino around as a child, his gold-banded coils whipping against the gleaming scale of his armor, smile made all the broader by memory. A place like this couldn’t fit the mounts they rode, prancing and proud, roan coats gleaming under a Noxian sun. Or Demacian, for one summer. Shuriman, for two years, as Mother painstakingly carved a red river between the dunes. It hadn’t mattered, just so long as there was space enough— and time enough, without Mother breathing down their necks— to have hooves wear down a track.
Mel’s read poets from Lokfar to the Shadowed Isles— required reading for the daughter of Noxus’s premier warlord— but there has never been a one who could do justice to the way the wind felt as it whipped at her cheeks, sand churning beneath her mare’s hooves, the taste of freedom clenched between her teeth. And so there is no hope for her, not here in this city that does not expand out but up, an endless stretch of stone and metal and miracles of engineering, ever reaching toward the sky.
Especially not to a man like Hoskel, whose eyes gleam not at the sight of a fine bit of horseflesh but at the delicate gearworks that replace it. Already it spins and sparks, a poor substitute for the prancing of a high-spirited mare, but its jockey gives its slender steel neck a pat anyway, form preserved if not function. There’s a team of engineers behind him— students, she understands, responsible for the maintenance of the track’s mounts for credit— running through the last few checks, but there is no shield science can provide these men, not when wheels might miss tracks, or sparks may catch cloth. Even if these horses have no legs, there’s still a half dozen ways to be trampled.
That’s part of the appeal, she knows. Not that any of the councilors here will admit it. But Mel has eyes enough to see how they lean forward, breaths caught as they wait for the starting shot. Oh, they might scoff at the Noxian compulsion for conquest, call them warmongers and barbarians and worse, but there’s hunger in there, a desire for blood beneath the thin veneer of civility.
But it would be rude to speak of it, beyond the pale for the squeamish Piltoverians. So instead Mel smirks, adopting a casual lean against the curved arm of her seat. “And not a poor way to pick out talent from the Academy’s pool either, I suppose. A pity I paid so little attention to it last year.”
Hoskel might find challenge in a children’s toy, but he divines her meaning easily enough. “Ah, yes, I’m sure Talis must have made a good go of it more than once. Can’t remember it, of course, but— must have been a winner, whichever one it was. Really shown these boys how to put one of these fillies through their paces!”
A cackle wheezes out from that too-wide mouth, punctuated by a chummy slap of his thigh. “He’s a good chap, that one. Took me around the whole lab just last week! Showed me all the new fangled doodads they’ve been cooking up in there. All highly secret, of course,” he confesses humbly. “But if there’s anyone who can keep his mouth shut, why—”
“The whole lab?” Mel asks, alarm sharpening her question to a point. “Even the workshop?”
Hoskel scoffs, wrist swiveling dismissively. “As if I’d go in there! There’s smoke and grease and who knows what else in a place like that! Do you know how much these trousers cost?”
She’s quite tempted to ask if he does, but instead she simply smiles, enjoying the way he squirms underneath it. “A small price to pay to be at the forefront of progress.”
“Ha! Progress, you say?” That narrow neck shakes. “It’s work that’s done in those laboratories, my dear! Grimy, filthy work, done by bodies made for the business! If you’re looking for progress, well, that’s what comes afterward, when the men with great minds decide what to do with it!”
Her brow twitches. “Is that so?”
“I even told Talis to get a few more people manning the place.” He huffs, arms crossing over his chest. “Boy like him shouldn’t be getting his hands dirty.”
“Really.” It’s a struggle to keep her mouth from curling. “I thought his family made hammers?”
“They hire people to make the hammers.” Hoskel’s bulging eyes roll. “Clan Talis simply decides what to do with them. I understand he’s an engineer” —how quickly a vaunted profession can sound like a disease caught from Midtown whores in his mouth— “but really, there’s no reason for him to bother with all that labor. Beneath him, really.”
“Of course.” Mel hums, too amused. “Not like Viktor.”
Hoskel squints at her over his glass. “Who?”
*
The first time is excusable; there are deadlines to make, more than a few she’s had a hand in setting herself. An abbreviated tour is only to be expected, to be later expounded upon in reports. If she is not allowed access to the workshop, it is a small price to pay for steady progress. One she’s happy to pay, since it seems few of their other investors make it past the showroom floor.
But when it becomes a second, a third, a fourth— well, let it never be said a Medarda can’t pick up a hint.
However, that doesn’t mean she’ll take it. Not quietly, at least.
“Councilor.” Talis is at his most ingratiating this morning, anxiety palpable as her mouth settles into something just short of a scowl. “You’re here! Perfect timing. We just just put a little something in the showroom that might interest—”
“Ah.” Mel cocks a hip, impatient. “So you’ve been sent to get rid of me, I see.”
His smile stutters to a stop, just like his steps. “Ha ha, get—get rid of you? No, no, of course not. It’s just…”
She knows what ‘it’s just’ all too well, but she only folds her arm, waiting. If he’s been sent out here to be bait, then he can squirm on the hook like one too.
“Well, you know how Viktor is.” His arms spread, half apology, half shrug. A gesture that’s so familiar fatigue rolls over her in anticipation. “Doesn’t like distractions.”
“It’s impossible for me to know how Viktor is,” she informs him with no little venom, “because he won’t ever speak with me.”
“Ah, ha ha.” Talis rubs a broad hand over the back of his even broader head. “Now, that’s a good—”
“I am not being funny, Mr Talis.” If only he were smaller, more engineer and less blacksmith, he might find out just how far past humor Mel has traveled. Even still she has to clasp her hands to her elbows just to keep from shouldering past to get her glimpse behind the curtain.
With a steadying breath, she forces her fingers to relax, to let the line of her shoulders ease to a sultrier slope.
“Jayce,” she sighs, letting one of those fingers raise to her cheek. “I am one of the main investors in this little venture of yours. If you are going to insist that this is a joint project, one in which this…Viktor is an equal partner…”
“He is.” His jaw sets with all the implacability for which his clan is known. “There wouldn’t be Hextech without Viktor.”
She allows her face to soften, to imply that she’s dropped her guard, just for him. “Then I would like to meet him one day.”
“Ah…” Guilt hikes his shoulders, but the gaze he gives her is soft— no, fond. Perhaps more than she would like. But she’d have to be a fool not to be grateful for the advantage. “Understood, Councilor. I’ll, ah, try to talk to him about it. Maybe for today we could—?”
“I’ll call ahead next time,” she promises, turning her back on him. “Then maybe Viktor can pencil me in properly.”
“Right.” He deflates. “Of course. Have a, er, nice day, Councilor.”
*
It’s at another one of Kiramman’s interminable teas where the woman corners her, smile all edges, and says, “It seems like those boys are coming along now, aren’t they?”
It’s a surprise, an ambush, and for once Mel is happy she’s been caught with her mouth full, if only to give her a moment to push past the shock to a smirk.
“They are, aren’t they?” Mel tilts her head, the very picture of graciousness. “Jayce was just giving me a tour the other week to show me what they’ve been working on. Those little— what does he call them? Beads. They’re quite impressive, aren’t they?”
“Jayce?” Kiramman’s mouth purses sourly, gaze scouring her from head to toe. Mel only smiles. Let the woman think what she likes. Talis would certainly love for her worst imaginings to be a reality. “I believe he calls them…spheres.”
“Ah, yes, spheres.” Though with all those rough edges, they hardly resemble one. “Clever little things, even if they are still wickedly dangerous. Hate to see what one of them might do to the neighborhood now, if they got out.”
“I must admit, I haven’t gotten to see their latest prototype. Jayce told me that they weren’t quite ready to take out of a lead lined box.” The councilor may throw her head back, may laugh like a little lark, but her eyes narrow above it, skeptical. “I suppose you must have been in the workshop…?”
If only. Then Kiramman’s guests could have seen some real entertainment.
“Hardly. Jayce brought out the case from the lab so I could see it in better light.” For your eyes only, he’d said with a wink, but she knew better to trust a face as handsome as his. And one so well-connected. “But you, surely…?”
It’s a gamble— for all that Viktor has seemed to have forbidden her from the lab without so much as a word, Mel cannot assume he could manage the same stolidness with Cassandra Kiramman. She’s Talis’s long-term patron for one, with far more cause— and inclination— to bustle her way in, so long as Talis didn’t put up a fuss.
But she only huffs, waving a hand. “Only a peek,” she admits, annoyed. “But that’s fine enough for me. I’ve never been much interested in that sort of thing— machinery. Dreadfully dirty. I much prefer to see what’s been polished.”
“Of course,” Mel hums, suppressing a smile. “And Jayce is so good at showing it off to its best angle.”
“Isn’t he though?” She puffs up, like a proud mother hen. “I’ve always thought he was quite charming, just the way a peer should be. And so obliging…”
That, Mel thinks, is exactly the problem.
*
It’s not Talis who meets her when she sweeps into the laboratory. No, it’s some gawky girl, half-hidden behind a set of squared-off spectacles, shrinking smaller behind her clipboard by the second.
“Councilor Medarda,” she gasps, knuckles white around the hardboard. “We, uh, didn’t know you would be coming by today.”
Mel stares down at her, mouth pursed. Talis had mentioned they would be taking on new staff, but she hadn’t heard of any new hires. “And just who are you?”
“Ah…I’m the n-new assistant, councilor. Sky,” the girl murmurs, feet shuffling beneath the white of her coat. “I-I’m afraid Mr Talis isn’t here at the moment, but if you’d like—?”
“I’m not here for Mr Talis.” He’s charming, of course, handsome. A clansman in his own right, however small the line— and entirely too eager to please. Enough that even the likes of Salo or— heaven forbid— Hoskel has sniffed it out. However finely chiseled that jaw is, and however easy— or pleasurable— it would be to turn it, Mel knows: a pawn liable to switch sides makes for a poor playing piece.
Let all the other councilors waste their time wooing the boy wonder, hoping to catch an edge over their peers. She, however, has options.
Or at least she will, if she can get past this girl.
She’s a shivering little thing, quailing beneath her bite. A thing Mel might feel bad about, if Talis hadn’t hired her for the sheer purpose of having an assistant to put her off, instead of doing it himself. “I-if you need any help, I-I’d be glad to, um, help you. The showroom has several of our—”
“No, thank you.” Mel is in no mood to be managed. Not by Talis, and certainly not by this child. “Is Viktor here?”
The girl blinks, eyes giant behind her frames. “Well, yes. He’s in the workshop—”
Her smile hones to a point. “Perfect.”
It’s nothing to sidestep the girl, striding with the purpose to where the workshop door looms, a heavy, leaden thing only Talis could possibly open with ease. When her hand clenches around the handle, she’s half-convinced it won’t budge, preemptively locked against unwanted distraction. But it opens easily beneath her touch, swinging wide on well-oiled hinges as Talis’s new assistant stammers after her.
It’s cavernous, walls stretching high above them, catching echoes in its vaults. There’s windows too, placed so high only the sparest light illuminates the dusty floors, but where they do sits a strange stand of arches, almost organic in the way they fold together— and the bent man working on them.
Viktor isn’t dressed for company, that’s to be sure. Jacket and tie have long ago been discarded, decorating a chair half-tipped against the wall, leaving only shirtsleeves and vest. Which are hardly more modest when he’s got the first buttons of his collar popped, sleeves rolled nigh up to his elbows.
“I see we’ve relaxed the uniform,” Mel observes, heels echoing in the empty space.
To his credit he doesn’t even stiffen, doesn’t even pause when he tells her, “Progress doesn’t have a dress code. Only results.”
Mel smothers her smile to a smirk as he stands, wearily submitting himself to her attention. She's won their little contest of wills, after all, and an audience with him her prize. With a sinuous movement, she slips between man and machine and takes it. “The results could be wearing their shirt properly.”
He hesitates now, mouth pursed, sparing her only the sourest of glares. “I wasn’t aware we’d be having a garden party amidst the gears and soot.”
But even still, a palm runs down his front, subtly adjusting the set of his shirt, fixing the skew of his vest. Mel’s lips twitch. Not so shameless as he would like to pretend, then. “Hardly.”
He flinches when her hand lifts, but it’s not him her fingers wrap around— she’s pushed far enough on that front for a first meeting— but the arch of his strange machine. If anything, his discomfort deepens, the smooth space between those heavy brows furrowing more profoundly with every minute she weaves through his portals, strolling casually as if it were just another turn about the room.
“But your investor has come calling,” she reminds him, peering at him through one of them. “You might try to look presentable.”
He frowns, pulling his already gaunt face tighter still. “I have more important things to worry about.”
“Like this?” She runs a finger down the arch, biting back a grin at his twitch. “What is this anyway?”
He heaves a sigh, setting aside his spanner, or, well, whatever it is he’s been working with. Mel knows quite a few things, but tools are hardly one of them. “An attempt to stabilize the hex field.”
She arches a brow, and with an even more aggrieved huff, he explains, “I’m trying to remove the boom.”
“Ah, yes.” Her finger flits away on reflex. “I have noticed there aren’t many windows here.”
One spiny shoulder lifts. “They’d be a pain to replace.”
“And expensive,” she huffs, thinking of the bill the council had dickered over for the ones in the library.
Viktor grunts. “That was included in the aforementioned pain.”
She steps out from the frame, taking a wider look at the wrought metal monstrosity before her. It’s familiar, in a way; she’d hardly had time to look closely at their initial prototype, not when security had herded all of them out from the glass and shrapnel made by it, but if she tilts her head, letting the vague film of memory fall over her…
“So.” Her heels clack as she paces, coming to stand behind where he’s crouched, already back at work. “You went…bigger?”
“Scale matters,” he explains, impatience underpinning his words. “Smaller is easier to power, but bigger makes more visible mistakes.”
She leans down over his shoulder. “Or makes a bigger boom.”
This time, he does flinch, rubbing at his neck as he mutters, “I don’t make things go…boom.”
“More’s the pity,” she says, stepping away. “But the question stands. You think that increasing scale will solve issues, rather than create more dangerous ones?”
“Small requires attention to detail. It requires fussing.” He sits back on his heels, scratching behind his ear. “We are still dealing with functional issues. It’s better to see them writ large than to miss them in the fine print. Missing the forest for the trees, as they say.”
Not here. It would probably be something about…cogs and gears, if she were to take her guess. “Then why was Jayce’s prototype so small?”
A breath hisses through his nose. “Because no one wants a tool the size of a room.”
“Oh.” She frowns, remembering the glass that had littered the library floor. She’d had to throw out that dress; it cut her every time she wore it after. “Are we putting these in houses?”
That shoulder lifts again, wearier this time. “To the man who makes hammers, everything fits inside a toolbox.”
Mel steps into the barest edge of his vision; he turns, just slightly, to keep her in his periphery. “And what about the man who makes progress?”
Silence stretched between them, too long. “That’s yet to be seen.”
She takes the arches in again, slowly pacing around their perimeter, thinking of hammers and boxes. Of what might not fit in them, and whether they should. Of whether there was profit to be had in moving things from room to room.
"I have to admit, I can't quite see the purpose of it." His hands suddenly still over his tools, as if so long as he didn't move, she couldn't take their funding away. "What I saw...that doesn't seem like something that will want to fit in a box."
"That was proof of concept," Viktor assures her, flitting back to fuss with a set of cogs. Clever as those hands of his are, he can't quite get them to mesh. "What happened that night-- that's not all Hextech can do. Floating and explosions and pretty lights."
"And things moving from one place to another." Mel can no longer remember which hand reached out to the coin, but she knows at one moment it was there, and with a shiver, it was somewhere else.
He snorts, shaking his head. "Teleportation is not an avenue we're moving forward with."
She blinks. "Why not?"
"Hextech is supposed to put power in the hands of the everyman, whether they're born it the highest penthouse in Piltover, or the dirtiest gutter of the Lanes." His mouth hooks into a rueful smirk. "Now imagine every one of them with the ability to be anywhere they want, whenever they want."
It's a struggle not to let her mouth thin, to let the grimace grit behind her lips show. "But surely there's useful applications of that power. Ones that might better more lives than simply...lifting boxes."
There's a twitch at the corner of his jaw; subtle, lost in the angles of his chin and cheeks, but there. A purse to his lips, a faint furrow to his brow-- the marks of an argument long lost, but not forgotten. Or perhaps, she thinks, watching how his face smooths to glass, never had.
"That may be," he allows, the tone all but removed from his voice. "But Jayce would prefer to focus on something that would be useful at a personal level. Handy. We aren't trying to cause chaos, after all."
"No," she agrees, letting her mouth linger around the word. "Just a revolution."
That gets him to look at her now, lips slightly parted. Surprised, maybe. Seduced. Looks like she didn't need the dress after all.
“Pity your partner is so limited in scope,” she muses, once more tracing the edge of an arch. “I wonder how far this could go if you weren’t limited to a box.”
*
For all the girl's protestations that Mr Talis was unavailable, he's waiting for her when she steps out of the workshop, hands wrung so tight they've gone white in his grip.
"Councilor Medarda," he gasps, falling breathlessly into step beside her. "How was...? Did Viktor...?"
He puts a hand on the door to open it for her, the sounds of the street rushing in. His throat clears, and his mind must as well, since he manages, "I hope you're happy with our progress."
“Me?” Mel turns he head, obscuring her smile. “Yes, I think my investment is coming along quite nicely.”
#melvik#arcane#the man of progress#my fic#god FINALLY this is finished. I wanted this to be out in june originally#and then everything got shunted last second so i was like#andi will ask for it for her birthday! it's fine! AND SHE DID AND IT WAS GREAT#but this thing was supposed to be 6K on the outside. it's like 7.5 now#was editing down to the wire on this one too because the last scene needed some clarification#ending up adding a WHOLE NEW SCENE#anyway deeply sorry to my melvik fans for having to remove what was originally her fixing his shirt#but since she touches his machine i figured that would be just as good 🤣
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i need 2 stop drawing static stuff . white bg . front facing pose. <will do it again
#i looked thru my media tab 2day .horrific#WHERES THA PURPOSEEEE E#there doesnt have 2 be any . of coursies .#but thats smt i want to work on rly hard T_T 2024!!!!!!!!!#smth smth reflection but i am happy with what ive done in 2023#definitely havent finished as many things as id hoped but thats okay.kind of touched on it w that one trgn comp a few months ago#but i tried 2 be more confident in areas i wasnt so sure abt before and it paid off in a way that im happy with T__T❤️#like despite all my gloom & burnout and artblock . i had a lot of fun . and im rly fortunate that ive been able to meet the nicest ppl#through it T__T#idk what jm talking abt anymore but j think . i am happy w the direction im headed in and i just need to work harder now on variability#and concept and composition. not rly sure where to start but i think compiling some of my favs in a single place#and studying them will help. :3.. AND NOT GIVING UP A SKETCH IF ITS FRUSTRATING ATM😭😭😭😭#some of them ..that one w meryl and vash . i ould not for the life of me figure out and i was like soo done w it#but then i was likeno OK just do it who cares . and then i found a workflow that worked and it WAS SOO MUCH FUNNN AND I STILL RLY LOVE HOW#IT TURNED OUTTT ..#and the one w knives . the beautiful universe one . i rmbr being so annoyed by a similar attempt that inwas lkke fuck it im just gna use the#biggest brush ever and play arnd with stuff bc its not gna see the light of day and fhen j agonized abt sharing it and everyone WAS SOOO#NICE TO ME !!&2&2 LIKEEE it was one of my earliest trgn pieces so kind of new 2 da scene and lkke . idk man it helped me enjoy my art from#an outside perspective after struggling w the doubt and its now one of my favorites ever too …#ORRR .. the vash and wolfwood one w the silly blue sky bg .. the textures were so mindless and fun#or the elendira . SOOO MANY FUN ELENDIRAS.. the perspective nail gun one is still a fav bc i shy away from perspective bc its hard as shit#but it worked out and i luv it tew .#sory anyways . very happy. and thankful^__^ ik when j post stuff like URRG MY ART!!!it mostly jst comes from .like GAAH want 2 push myself#harder bc i know itll be fun once i get 2 where im going T_T#anyways if u got 2 this point u r lkterally angel my angelll~ hamtaro pic#tys
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siri tell me where I can get a fucking grip
#i am second guessing everything I say#and I’m trying so hard to be ‘perfect’#working out and shaving constantly and being strict about eating#and I’m trying to convince myself that I’m just trying to put my best foot forward and make a good impression#and I definitely am trying to make a good impression#but it’s like I’m a caricature of myself#like a porcelain doll version of me#and I’m scared that if im not as ‘perfect’ as I can be#this new partner won’t like me#it feels stupid and I feel stupid but idk how to do this#I really like him and I don’t wanna fuck this up#I need to touch grass and get a grip but I can’t#I feel like im teetering on the knifes edge of self care and self destruction for the sake of doing what I think will impress him#without ever even asking or thinking about if it actually will#I genuinely think he won’t care and that im just drowning myself in false expectations#sorry for this long ass rant y’all I got nowhere else to turn to to figure my shit out#personal#rambling#sorry for constantly posting about this new partner it will absolutely happen again
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