#fics i now apparently need to write
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Guess what? I've got more Jamil x reader for y'all. You can also find this on ao3. No warnings, just 866 words of kinda fluffy(?) caretaking stuff with gender-neutral reader.
At this point, you know Jamil’s schedule almost as well as he does. So, when you have the chance, you head to Scarabia’s kitchen, hoping to spend some time with Jamil while he and the other students prepare dinner.
However, when you enter, it takes you but a moment to notice Jamil’s uncharacteristic fumbling and the tired look in his eyes. The way Jamil’s chopping the vegetables has you worried about him cutting himself with that knife he’s usually so adept with, and it seems it’s only force of habit that’s keeping him on track.
You frown, and when your eyes meet Jamil’s, you can already see him put his guard up.
So he knows what state he is in, huh? And still, here he is.
It seems Jamil is reading your thoughts, all of him telling you drop it before any words are even said.
At least he still lets you lean in and give a quick kiss to his cheek in greeting.
“Hello love. Do you still have a lot on your agenda for today?” you ask, keeping your tone low for at least some semblance of privacy in the busy kitchen.
“Nothing I can’t handle,” is the response you get.
Of course.
It takes a little more pestering before Jamil actually answers your question. Your lips purse. That list is far too long to your liking.
You take a moment to think, juggling your own plans and to-do list against the urgency of the things Jamil mentioned.
“Will Kalim be eating from that?” you ask, pointing at the food Jamil is preparing.
“Yes.”
“Alright, I won’t be touching that one, then. I’ve gotta do a few things but I’ll be back when you’re done here.”
“Don’t,” Jamil says with a glare, clearly aware of what you’re thinking.
Yet even his disapproving look doesn’t have the usual weight behind it.
“Yes. I will,” you say firmly, even as your heart curls inwards with another bout of concern.
Really, when did he get so tired?
And how did you not notice it earlier?
You leave the kitchen before Jamil can protest further, hurrying through the dorm corridors to find Kalim.
Soon you have an enthusiastic – and concerned – supporter for your plans. You have Kalim point out a few reliable Scarabia students to help with a few of the most urgent matters Jamil mentioned – cleaning up the common areas, delivering some paperwork to Crowley, preparing some dorm-wide notices – while you see to Kalim getting his school supplies in order for the following day. You even recruit a couple of third years to help Kalim with his homework.
You’ll see to the rest tomorrow – after all, you do also have a boyfriend to look after.
Your conversation over dinner can hardly be called anything else than an argument – despite Kalim’s best attempts at acting as a moderating force between you two. It is very tempting to ask Kalim to tell Jamil to take the rest of the day off – it’s not like Jamil would be willing to openly disobey a direct order. Still, you really don’t need to remind Jamil of his position on top of everything else that you’re already doing more or less against his wishes.
Eventually, however, Jamil’s had a square meal, the most urgent things on his to-do list are being taken care of, and you’ve managed to drag him to his bed.
“I really wish you wouldn’t push yourself so hard,” you murmur, your arms wrapped tightly around Jamil. You’re telling yourself you really do just want to cuddle, to offer some respite to Jamil. Still, there might also be a part of you worried that if you were to let go, he’d just jump up and get back to working himself to the bone.
Yet, for all his protestations, just the fact that you’ve gotten Jamil to lay down with you speaks volumes of his current exhaustion.
“I can’t just leave my duties, albi. You know this.”
“Making yourself too indispensable, is what you’re doing,” you protest.
Oh, you know it’s not so simple. Not with his background, not with all the expectations and assumptions.
But sometimes you really wish it would be.
Jamil merely scoffs in response to your words.
Still, it is undeniable that he is slowly beginning to relax in your arms, slowly bringing his head closer to yours. His eyes are starting to flutter, too.
“I will still need to help Kalim with his homework, at the very least.”
You wonder who he is trying to convince more, you or himself.
“Amin and Khalil are helping him. They’re basically top of their classes, aren’t they? I’m sure they’ve got it.”
Still, Jamil frowns.
You sigh. He really is not letting go, is he?
“Do you want me to go supervise?” you ask.
And leave you, unsaid yet hanging there right after your words.
“Don’t,” Jamil eventually says, the word barely more than a breath.
It seems he has accepted his fate.
You softly caress Jamil’s hair, listening to his softening breathing.
And when you wake up, wholly unaware of having been lulled to sleep in the first place, it’s to the lightest of touches from Jamil’s fingers.
Tagging @diodellet @twstgo @crystallizsch @jamilvapologist @jamilsimpno69 as per request If you'd like to be tagged for any future works, let me know!
#twisted wonderland#jamil viper#twisted wonderland x reader#jamil viper x reader#woop it sure has been quite the burst of creative energy lately#especially since this has apparently been sitting in my drafts since last august#but now you have it#I certainly can’t promise to keep up with this rate of writing (in fact I can promise I won't) but hey let's enjoy it while it lasts#and yes I’m hopping on the “jamil using arabic terms of endearment” train#I’ve read so many fics doing that that at this point it feels more natural than english ngl#even if english would probably be more canonical#also is it a *good* way to go about it to just pretty much just force someone to rest like this? probably not#is it sometimes the only way to get stubborn people to stop for a bit? perhaps#and is it something I might do?#...possibly#also oh boy can you tell that I'm avoiding jamil's dialogue like the plague lately?#I really need to reread so much of his stuff to get a hang of his voice again#(also if you notice typos pls tell me because they always bug me)#(or other wonkiness because I'm not a native speaker and sometimes things just go silly)#anyways hope y'all enjoy!
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I would never delete my fics
I got linked to a reddit thread today where people were being advised to download my mortifying ordeals/Buddie fics, since apparently "now that I'm a BuckTommy shipper", I might be "petty" and delete all my Buddie fics.
So. I'll move past the complicated feelings it gives me to have people hoarding my fics while actively shitting on me as a person (and seemingly not even telling me that they enjoyed my work, although in fairness that could just be a difference in usernames.) That's the nature of fanfic, fandom, and putting things out there on the internet and I accept that.
But I do want to reassure people that I would never delete my fics. I still have the cringy-as-fuck Harry Potter fics I wrote in high school up; believe me those would be first on the chopping block if I was inclined to delete my work. And all of my 9-1-1 fics hold a special place in my heart, but none more than the mortifying ordeals series, which consumed basically a full year of my life and reminded me why I love writing. Hell, I got engaged while writing the final chapters of I once was lost. That fic is indelibly tied to my life now.
And look... I don't think it really matters, nor should I have to explain and justify what I do and don't enjoy about a show or fandom, but this whole experience has upset me more than it probably should have and I can't help but want to get it off my chest anyway.
My favourite thing about this show is the found family feels. I either love or am at least intrigued by every single character that has appeared. You'll notice that family is the central theme of every story I write, whether the story is Gen, Buddie, or BuckTommy.
Because yes, the idea of BuckTommy and how that plays into the family themes of the show has intrigued me and captured my muse.
I've also said before that I didn't think Season 7 left Buddie in a great place in terms of romantic relationship potential - in my opinion, the ghost of Shannon would be an absolutely massive barrier to them getting together right now. The post season 7 Buddie fics have also heavily featured character bashing, which isn't something I generally enjoy seeing, and infidelity, which I really don't like seeing romanticised especially since I've had a partner cheat on me.
So yes, I've distanced myself from the post-S7 Buddie fandom because I just don't enjoy the pervasive negativity I've seen and the way that cheating and violence is suddenly celebrated by a significant subset of the fandom.
That does not mean I've given up on Buddie altogether. I still have a whole list of pre-S7 buddie fics in my to-be-read list that I've been making my way through and 2 out of my 5 WIPs are Buddie fics (both in the mortifying ordeals 'verse, just to make it even clearer that I'm not at all interested in deleting that series.)
But two of those 5 are BuckTommy, because as I said above, their relationship was intriguing to me and it captured my muse.
I don't think those opinions make me some kind of betrayer, or that they inherently make me a "petty" person but I guess I just didn't realise that not-exclusively-shipping-Buddie was such a High Crime in this fandom.
#9-1-1#fandom discourse#writing#buddie#bucktommy#this is my first experience being this heavily embroiled in fandom drama#i cant say i like it#that thread legitimately made me so sad to read#i was so excited to work on the Daniel ghost fic and maybe start posting this weekend#and now i just feel so fucking flat#maybe ill delete this#or at least part of it because i do want people that they dont need to worry about losing my fics#im so immensely grateful to my readers I would never want to take away something that brought them joy#even if they apparently think im a terrible person#this got rambly#sorry
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what are your favourite batcest ships and why?
AAA i love this question so much. i'm going to limit myself to a top five, because otherwise, i'd just end up listing all of them. the true joy of batcest is they're all so good for such different reasons and there are so many unique dynamics you can explore.
JayTim - it's funny bc, before i started this blog, i don't know if i would've put these two losers as my number one. but because i've done so much deep diving into their dynamic and i write them the most, i think it'd be a disservice for them to be anything *but* number one. their canon dynamic is just. so fun to play with. i truly love all of their interactions, particularly pre-Flashpoint. the concepts of Tim holding such contempt for Jason while Jason is weirdly obsessed with Tim. i'm a fan of Hannibal and Killing Eve and well. if this isn't a Hannigram-coded ship idk *what* is. i like ships where love and hate co-exist and there's no real "happily ever after", just fucked up co-existing, where they crawl back to each other like a bad habit and really, this ship is that so perfectly. the themes of jealousy in the Robin mantle. Tim wearing Jason's Red Robin suit to punish himself. i will likely never shut up about them. even in the New-52, there's such a substance to them, though the dynamic is wildly different. they will always be so weirdly dependent on each other's existence. i love them.
BruDick - you can't outdo the doer, i fear. i think i like BruDick mostly for the history of it, yk. there's genuinely *so much* queer history seeped into the homoeroticism of Batman and Robin, these two have been a symbol for queer people for decades. but the ship itself has so many dynamics i love. problematic age gap, "are we family or lovers", "i can't be in a room alone with you without getting into a screaming match but if you called i drop everything for you". all of it. i especially favor 80s/90s BruDick when they were in their divorce era just because it's so messy. Dick has canonically said he would die for Bruce, even during their arguments. no matter what, these two will always be single-mindedly devoted to each other. there will be other Robins, but none of them will compare to Dick Grayson, for Bruce. it's a unique and complicated bond that has endless layers to peel back. they always crawl back to each other bc no one else will match their level of intensity.
DamiTim - years and years ago, when i was a teen trying to people-please with how i existed in fandom, i used to insist i didn't like batcest and found it icky and gross. but there was one DamiTim fic that was my exception. that fic was my fucking roman empire. i reread it like once a year even though it's not completed and likely never will be i do not care. so now that i've killed the morality police in my head and i let myself ship what i actually want to ship, this ship holds a top place in my heart just bc of that fic alone. but in general i do fucking love their dynamic. similar to JayTim there's just so much mutual hatred in these two that has endless potential. Damian's insistence to not see Tim as a Wayne and as a legitimate brother/heir to Bruce is something you can play a lot if you give Damian an angry, fucked up crush on Tim he doesn't want to admit to. they have so many reasons to dislike each other, so to try to get them to slowly fall in love is a fun challenge. they either have a long complicated forgiveness arc and end up a happy married couple or they are the couple that tries to kill each other once a week. no in-between.
JeanTim - there's like. one person here on tumblr who goes as hard for this ship as i do and truly god bless them bc they feed me. Jean-Paul is too underrated in the batcest scene. once i reread Knightfall, i will have to help popular this tag on ao3. i enjoy both a very fucked up version of this ship during the peak of the Knightfall arc, where Jean-Paul is deep in his murder Batman era and Tim is trying to stop him to no real avail, but i *also* think there's so much you can do with the ship afterwards, where Jean-Paul is trying to make up for what he's done and be a better person and better hero. they're the peak Batman/Robin ship, to me. they truly care about each other, but have a very complicated/bloody history and i just. man i love it so dearly. i've been meaning to write a fic where Jean-Paul goes to Tim post the Sword of Azrael (2022) arc to properly discuss and apologize for all his actions in Knightfall for his personal healing and they end up fucking. it could be sweet and cute or kinky fun bc what is the joy of a character with that much Catholic guilt if you don't give them a weird religious kink.
BruCarrie - The Dark Knight Returns got me into comics and i will defend it till the day i die. Carrie Kelley can be pried from my cold dead hands. i just really love these two? Carrie took one look at that cranky old bastard and decided she was his problem. and Bruce is at a stage where he should be very averse to the idea of having a Robin, he knows it's a bad idea. but he just. accepts her anyway. idk how to explain their dynamic other than she plunks herself in his lap and stitches up his wounds while telling him he's an idiot and he lets her even if he's grumbling about it. they have the biggest age gap of any Batman/Robin ship and for that, they should get like. a dead dove gold star no matter how rare the pair is.
also honorable mention goes to BruTim, because *god* do i love the concept of Tim offering himself up to Bruce as Robin in every way, knowing that there are likely sexual/romantic implications to being Robin. it's one of my favorite flavors of batcest to exist. i don't view them as a "happily ever after" ship, because Bruce will always go back home to Dick, but it's a fun lil dead dove moment.
#necrotic answerings#batcest#jaytim#brudick#damitim#jeantim#brucarrie#brutim#can you tell tim is my favorite.#i just think he's neat.#it's probably the projection.#also i checked while writing this and wtf do you mean brucarrie has only 3 fics on ao3.#did i hallucinate the one i thought i read.#i think i fucking did bc i can't find it.#apparently it's not a rarepair ship it's a goddamn pool noodle i'm floating off through the ocean hanging on for dear life#if i write brucarrie on this page can i convince you all to ship it.#i know frank miller's writing is bad just ignore the canon it's fine#tkdr universe isn't *good* per se#but carrie is a darling girl and i will emancipate her from frank miller's grubby hands. she's mine now.#genuinely considering changing my banner on this blog to carrie but it'd ruin my color scheme.#jeantim is also very unpopular and none of you are inspired /lh#you can make that SO dead dove.#i barely remember most of knightfall i rlly need to reread it properly#and the rest of jean-paul's 90s content#i am so serious tho that damitim fic rewired my brain chemistry.#i think about it like once a week.#and i usually dislike no capes aus i can't even remember why i read it at the time#but god did it reset me.
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i nearly anon'd the thorki non-con fic out of SHAME but in two weeks it's become my third most clicked-on fic of the year, behind only a multichapter fic and a bit of angsty sifki porn lololol
#this is about 560 hits btw which i know is not much for bigger fandoms and it's just that i tend to be in some weird niche but gosh!#i'd written thorki before but it wasn't e-rated so if the non-con tag really did work against it then wow no wonder ppl write this pairing!#you ever been to reddit where someone posts about how their latest fic only got 20k hits in a week and you're like “WTF”?#and it turns out they're in some hugely popular fandom and that's the least read fic for that pairing on the entire site by a mile.#that's like glimpsing a parallel universe. what a strange place. why would any fic ever have more than 1000 hits omg!#and 1000 would be for if you wrote something Surprisingly Popular. like e-rated thorki non-con apparently is.#meanwhile 'cockroboros' may only have 35 hits but every one of those 35 people agrees that i was right to write that thing!!#and me and the other 86 people who wanted to see missy interact with jamie moriarty are besties now <3#SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I TURN THE NUMBERS BACK ON OH NOOOOOO THIS WAY LIES MADNESS!!!#the sifki one had a bump recently which i must assume came from one of those 'recced it in a discord but never said a word' incidents.#those are increasingly common and i hope i am not alone in finding them ever so slightly creepy#if you're going to look at me you need to at least pat me on the head to cancel out the anxiety of that damn it!#*flashes back to when i hid that one ten'n'donna fic because nobody would tell me where all the readers were coming from*#fic related#anyway i think it's important to mention i wrote thorki non-con fic in case anyone following me thinks i am Unproblematic in some way.
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is my writing actually terrible or is it just 2 months old
#i have the opposite problem of most people apparently#if it's not what i want to write/read RIGHT NOW I'm like well obviously this sucks#even though past me! wanted to read it enough to write it!!!!#i get kudos on my fics daily so i know they're not bad#people like them#my brain is just. wired weird. idk#this post brought to you by the urge to entirely rewrite the first 3 scenes of butterflies and bullshit AGAIN#when they're literally FINE#i swear a need a hype man to read my stuff while I'm sitting next to them and get excited and tell me their most favourite lines#so i can be like ohhhhhh okay it's good i see
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guys we need to give wlw fics more support and attention!!!! [posts uncredited writing] [posts uncredited writing] [posts uncredited writing] [posts uncredited writing] [posts uncredited writing] [posts uncredited writing] [posts uncredited writing] [posts uncredited writing]
#sorry!! one more grumpy post before i go 2 bed#apologies 4 complaining abt this so much this week there has just been a fun little uptick in um. posts of my writing without credit <3#thanks 2 all the stupid discourse last week of everyone insisting that wlw fics need more attention#and alicissa apparently being the ship people r latching onto#funnnnn confluence of factors and honestly. ironic enough 2 be kinda funny#i feel like jim looking into the camera on the office#grumpy posting#txt#also sister encouraged my hater tendencies by responding 2 the annoyed voicenote i sent her earlier now so. i got annoyed again lol
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“you are my sun, my moon, and all my stars” — e.e. cummings
#apparently i am having ee cummings psychosis tonight#this one though GOD like these pictures if u showed them to a passerby on the street and asked if they thought these two were in love#they would say Yes like no doubt#that's the smile of love !! fondness !! tenderness !!! that's the one !!!#starts sobbing uncontrollably#okay im done its writing time now g oodnight#i literally opened this book of poems intending to choose a new fic title and it has now been an hour#its also midnight and i need to be up early#shrugs#dnf#poetry#ee cummings
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i'm not dead, just overwhelmed by school work
#fuckass fic#lotf#lord of the flies#lotf ralph#i started the peter pan fic also#almost 2k words in for now#but i want to get some stuff down for my fuckass fic first#it's really hard to get roger's personality down and i'm failing pretty badly#i need to go over so much shit also apparently#which is like. fine whatever#anyways i'll be posting about the peter pan fic shortly#writing#my writing
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people do know young royals is a drama series and season 3 is not going to be a cheesy fluff fest, right?
#if you want that then you just have to write or read fics but that's never what the show was or is going to be#why is everyone acting so shocked that wilmon is not gonna be happy the entire time#they've never been and always had ups and downs in the seasons and that will continue#their problems aren't just all over now just because they got back together#it doesn't mean that they can't be endgame but there are definitely gonna be challenges and i'm here for it#i like the show and i like the ship because of the angst and drama it brings and not bc i wanna see sunshine and rainbows#again - it's not that kind of show#young royals#yrtalk#the words might be a little harsh but apparently it needs to be said
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me: *existing*
my brain: hey heres another fic idea!!! and another!!!! oh wouldn't it be so cool if you wrote this??? wouldn't you LOVE to plan this fic out??? you should definitely plan this one, i promise you don't even have to write it ;) [<- is lying, knows that i'll want to write it even more if i plan it]
#and naturally bc i reread capri and have been reading capri fics that all the ideas im having are capri ideas#apparently my brain has decided there are not nearly enough canon divergent capri fics too bc thats all its throwing at me#mostly marlas-centered which makes sense since that's like#the most common point to diverge from canon in this fandom#though it did also provide me with 2 divergences at the start of the first book#anyway i don't need it to be providing me with ANY NEW IDEAS#we have GOT fics to write!!! we have WIPS!!!!! they need our ATTENTION FOR FUCKS SAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!#but no#no#instead i get 'what if it was theomedes and kastor who died at marlas instead of aleron and auguste?'#a king for a king and a brother for a brother#how would damen react? ;)#an end to the fighting for sure bc if he dies now then akielos will certainly fall#but akielos would also definitely NOT be getting delfeur in this#since they'd be the 'losing' side#and also 'what if damen got amnesia due to the head trauma on the ship to arles?'#'what if damen didn't remember who he was??? what if he had the vague knowledge of his culture and his life but not that he was a prince??'#i should. put my laptop up and try and sleep.#shh ac
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I AM FREE 😭😭😭😭😭
#i need to sleep and not write and just fucking recharge for a week#slowly coming to terms with the fact that i'm apparently writing a 30k fic like wtf#biggest thing i ever wrote was my dissertation at like... 17k#but part 2 is gonna go so much easier because i got through the worldbuilding bullshit and can now focus on the boys being cute#and epic action#awww yeah#steddie bang rant#writing
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Read some amazing fics that gave me brainworm, decided to write one with similar theme, but on the future, year after the end of the series.
Except for that, I have to rewrite the series to fit my narrative, which forced me to make a fix-it fic as some sort of prologue for my main fic
And now I'm already on 50k words and I'm not even near the middle of the rewrite.
Why I did this to myself.
#sterek#teen wolf#stiles stilinski#derek hale#all this because i wanted a specific fic with stiles seeing ghosts#and no one was writing the way i wanted#so i decided to write it#but now im too deep#this is completely self indulgent#and im loving it#but holly hell#i want to read the end of the fic already#except that apparently i need to write it first#somebody help please
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slowly starting to crash... very very tired... hopefully can... get through working this weekend.... and finally have a break...... (coughs and fucking dies)
#hey I got the viktor fic to 10k words tho yayyy#it's getting even longer (not surprising)#so it probably won't be finished for a bit longer now#goddd my body just feels so tired all over#probably because I'm going to start my period#normally I'd be so ready for a break#lord I was not built to work this much#and then I'm supposed to have monday off but#apparently no one has told me yet but there's a little rumor floating around that the boss is going to ask me to work#guys I'm literally just gonna say no#I need a day man#if I don't I might literally die lol#uuugh I just want to write more and stuff but like#my brain is dying and I know#that the only reason I feel frustrated with what I'm writing right now is because my brain is exhausted#but I can't have a break yettttt#can someone please sleep for an extra few hours for me and psychically transfer the sleep to my body
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feels weird not having a topmew fic to write tbh
#technically i still have more ideas#but they're boring (just PWPs) or too hard to write (that one sequel idea)#(i don't want to write that one because i'd have to write for the whole cast and non-topmew couples and that would be a huge pain)#right now my priorities are the ichiruki h/c fic and twihh and a couple fb PWPs#and the shone fic that got too long and maybe that akktheo i keep threatening to write#(the shone fic isn't making it into h/c bingo but i'm still going to add it after the fact if it ever gets written lol)#honestly if i ever wanna finish kyoky i think i have to put the last chapter in a new document and write new notes for it#because it's just not going anywhere and i had to cut a scene and it's all a big mess#right now i'm working on a fb pwp because i need a break from writing heavy stuff and this one is basically fluff#my notes are also so detailed it's all but written already#i don't want to jinx myself but fr i might finish it before ir h/c 😫#my posting schedule means NOTHING to me apparently#ANYWAY........................#rum writing
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I watched Avengers: Age of Ultron (apart from I skipped some overly long action sequences) and I am not sure so can someone tell me whether or not Tony Stark was the baddy in that film? Because about halfway through I was sure he was but then it was maybe just an evil robot after all and I am confused because either this film was surprisingly subversive or it was about robots hitting each other.
#I CANT STAND THE CONFUSION IN MY MIND#also i get why people wrote wanda/sylvie. they should go on a wholesome chick-flick revenge-quest together. and also they should kiss.#also i am now only *half* joking about thor being in love with mjolnir#it kept doing Christianity Bits which was quite awks.#not sure why it used the bit about building the church on a rock for some metal i mean wasn't jesus making a pun there? about peter?#i think Vision might be Jesus? or else he's Dr Manhattan who's done a first year philosophy course. could go either way on that tbh.#BUT TONY WAS THE BADDY RIGHT? WAS HE? WAS TONY THE BADDY OR NOT????#with the homocidal glitches in what he thinks is his winning personality?#and all the weapons he's made and is in fact still making but now he only sells them to The Good Guys?#except look how easily they fall out with each other and also don't a lot of innocent bystanders die in their overly long action scenes?#also i need to write fic about whether mjolnir does in fact obey some unknown code that can be cracked if you set your mind to it#she does like Robot Jesus so apparently we can rely on her to make the major decisions from now on#the ending's a bit ominous - apparently someone's collecting those TVA paperweights to do... something? Oh no! :O#yeah i watched the MCU in the wrong order shut up this was inevitable and Marvisney should just embrace that at this point#(i know 'Marvisney' will never catch on but that will not stop me using it)#the loki series ending is but the latest installment of “unlimited power with no oversight is fine as long as the Good people have it”#UNLESS TONY WAS ACTUALLY THE BADDY. WHICH AS I MENTIONED I AM NOT AT ALL CLEAR ON.#maybe what i mean is was tony stark the baddy *on purpose*?#i only picked this one to watch next because tumblr gifsets told me thor wears a nice coat in it#which he does! but only for a small fraction of the film :(#journey into the mcu#the avengers (the marvel ones not the other ones)
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Anyone here remember the Days of Hana webtoon? I think about Choco now and then and my heart breaks a little bit each time I do ಥ_ಥ
It's been years and I'm still not over the stuff that happened in it haha
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