#ffs she’s not even 4 months old!

[aworldinsideaperson]

I’m gonna fight someone. I got told today that I shouldn’t dress my daughter in Dino pjs because dinosaurs are “for boys”

This woman was like 100 but wtf!? Dinos are for EVERYONE and sure I got it from the “boy section” but when she wears them they are Maggie pjs.

Anything is a girl outfit if a girl is wearing it!

[bohemiandeer]

You know what hits me hard? When 5 to 6 year old children, all the way in Southeast Asia, knows about what's happening in Palestine right now. That children their age is getting bombed, that they're starving to death, that they're getting shot at, and sniped in the head. Because, just this past 2 or so months, I heard some of the little ones in the Kindergarten classes I'm TAing in as an Intern talk about it. Hell, one of the little boys downright said he didn't like Israel, because Israel is bad, because they do scary things. Another was questioning whether Palestine was bad too, because, "why else would they shooting at them?". A little girl in one of my classes doesn't want to finish her food at all, because she wants to save at least half her meat and rice for kids in Palestine, because she heard that, they don't have food. And that's just the ones I remember. Namely the inciting cases before their classmates slowly follow suit. The littles are fricking SCARED. We had to sit these kids down, and tell them that the topic is too mature for them at the moment, that they shouldn't even be concerned because they're KINDERGARTNERS, they're not even old enough to properly understand. The one teacher I was TAing for had to make a class announcement saying that. What gets me is, these are 5 to 6 year olds, the youngest I've worked with in this specific age group is 4. 5 years old on average, and they've already been exposed to the worst horrors genocide has to offer through the news and snippets of conversation among adults and hell, considering how many of them say they like to play games on Mama's phone, or their IPad, even from fricking social media. And the fact that, these literal babies, from all the way in Cambodia, has more empathy in their entire body and soul, than full grown fricking adults have in the nail of their pinky finger, gets me. FFS we as adults could LEARN from them I feel sometimes. I honestly don't know what to feel about it anymore. On the one hand, this is the next generation I'm working with. And if the next generation's default response to a tragedy such as Palestine, is what I've seen come up on occasion so far? Perhaps there's some bloody hope for this world after all. At least in this country. Especially since a majority of them already come from families who survived a genocide. These are the 3rd - 4th generation descendants of those who survived the Khmer Rouge. They've got grandparents at home, who no doubt are more than intimately familiar with what Palestine is going through right now. And it shows.

But on the other, it makes my heart sink because these are CHILDREN, these are LITTLE KIDS, they should be playing with their toys and watching cartoons and talking to their friends about everything from Spiderman to Speakerman to Kuromi and her friends, and be worried about whether or not they can go to playground that day, guranteed they're well behaved, or if Mama remembered to pack in their costume for swimming lessons that week. NOT JUST MY KIDS. But the little ones in Palestine too. They deserve better. They all deserve, so much better. Hell, it's come to the point that whenever I look at my kiddos right now, whether they'd be working in class, playing, doing something as mundane as eating lunch or getting ready for their nap. I think of the children their age in Palestine that didn't even get the chance to survive. I think of the ones whose memories from this age, is nothing but absolute horror and pain, rather than what has slowly become my normal, who never got to experience what my littles do on a daily basis right now.

Children shouldn't even be concerned about "War", about a Genocide. The last thing that should be on a 5 year old's mind, is pain, and suffering, and the worst horrors imaginable ever to be inflicted on a human being. ESPECIALLY WHEN IT'S INFLICTED, ON OTHER CHILDREN THEIR AGE. And for that alone, the world has failed them. Especially the kids in Palestine who didn't ask for any of this. They just wanted to carry on with life as kids do, the same way as my littles do on a daily basis no doubt, learning, playing, chatting with friends over their favourite cartoons and characters, worrying about whether they'd get to go to the playground or not that day.

I apologize for talking about this on this blog. I know my blog tends to be lighter in feel, a lot more unhinged and light hearted typically. I mean, I'm just a fricking nerd who likes to draw and write, and lurk about her favourite fandoms to consume and support what is shared among other nerds who also like to draw and write. But I couldn't stop thinking about it. About contemplating it, especially since I'll be back on a roll tomorrow, working with my kiddos again after not seeing them for 5 days straight because of Holidays. And, I just had to talk about it. This is something I felt I couldn't keep to myself this time, I don't think my soul'd be able to carry it. I had to talk about it.

FREE PALESTINE. Our children deserve better.

[nimata-beroya]

20 Questions For Writers

This was sitting on my notifs for a few days and i finally took the time to do it. Thank my darling @takadasaiko for the tag!! 💕💕

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

I have 88 works in total, 31 of which are for Star Wars.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

574,873 words.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Currently, I'm only writing for Star Wars. But I used to write for Arrow and Supergirl, and ASoIAF, Dark-Hunters and Chronicles of Nick are in standby. I'm waiting for right motivation to come back to any of the last 3.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

I'm only talking about Star Wars fics here...

Kadala (The Mandalorian) [and 4th place in most kudos of all my works]

Rough Awakening (The Bad Batch) [and 5th place in most kudos of all my works]

Welcome to Yavin IV (Rebels)

An Explosive Situation (Rebels)

Rescue on Ryloth (The Bad Batch)

And the the rest of my all-time fics with most kudos are

Take Your Breath Away (Arrow)

Undisclosed Desires (Arrow)

Made For You (ASoIaF/Game of Thrones)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try my best, but sometimes I forget, and then it's been weeks and months since I got the comments that I'm embarrassed to reply them after so long. Even though, I think it's important that a writer let the reader/commenter that they appreciate it, even if it's with a simple "thank you" or an emoji. I know I'm being a hypocrite here since I fail to do what I preach, but it doesn't make it less true.

6. What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I think that would be Drifting, because it's kind of open ending, left to be interpreted, so it could end however the reader wants. Although, I left an author's note at the end saying what's my preferred ending, which always will be inclined to the happy side.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

High Above the Ground because is the happy ending i want for Commander Fox and Riyo Chuchi. They deserve only the best!

8. Do you get hate on your fic?

No, not really. I've gotten only 1 stupid message of someone criticizing a fic, but that was years ago when I still posted on FF dot net. The joke was on the reader because I moderated all the comments there so I just deleted it and nobody saw it but me. Honestly, I just laughed about it cuz their argument was just stupid.

9. Do you write smut?

I do, all kinds -from the most tame thing to the most perverted. But I used to wrote way more in my old fandoms, especially for Arrow. I think for Star Wars I've written just 1 or 2 smutty fics, and tamed at that.

10. Do you write crossovers?

I've tried a couple of occasions but never finished them. I'm not opposed to them obviously, but I do think the combination of fandoms has to be just right to work. Or at least, when it's me doing the writing.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Yes! Many, many years ago in the first fandom I ever wrote for. It was awful and hated it! You see, this was in the stone age of the internet when fandom specific sites abounded and not everyone had an account on FFnet yet (and Ao3 was not even a dream). The site I published on was split in 2 sections because the ships war in the fandom was bloody and ruthless, so to avoid the slaughter, I kept myself in my preferred side. But one day, a friend who read fic on both sides told me that someone stole my fics. Avoiding to get caught, the person who did it published them under a pen name that was almost exact to mine, she only added a period at the end, which could easily go unnoticed. Oh, and she interchanged characters names so it'd fit the other ship.

At first, my friend thought I had posted them but she knew I'd never write for that ship, like ever. In the end, it turned out that I wasn't the only one who had being plagiarized. Several people ON BOTH SIDES were. Thankfully, the person was caught and banned, but we almost burned the site down because of the whole shitshow.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

By me, yes, several. All into Spanish (my mother tongue). By others, not that I know of.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic?

Yes! A couple of times for different fandoms, and I loved it. I hope I'll do it again. The thing is that you need to find the right partner for it, or it can be a nightmare.

14. What‘s your all-time favourite ship?

I don't appreciate this question, let me tell you. It's hard to choose. But I think I have to go with Olicity. I love them still (even if the show ending ruined it for me). Close second would be Braime (and I'm glad that there's still hope for them on the books, because as usual the show fucked them so but sooooo bad)

And as Star Wars specific, I don't think anyone will be surprised if I say it's Kalluzeb, right 🤣 They're my babies and I adore them!

15. What’s the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Anything for Arrow or Supergirl. I sworn off those fandoms after their respectively awful endings.

No promises, but there's still hope for all if my unfinished works for Star Wars 😅

16. What’s your writing strengths?

Coming up with ideas. So, so many ideas. All the time and I want to write them all.

17. What’s your writing weaknesses?

Finishing writing the above-mentioned ideas. I tend to splay myself too much when I'm writing, and it takes me forever to get to the portion I really want to write (usually the idea that sparked the whole writing process) and I lose steam. That's why I have so many unfinished WIPs. I wish they'd write themselves.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

It's ok if used sparingly. A word here, a phrase over there is fine, but if a wall of dialogue that the reader needs to scroll down to the notes or click on a tooltip to find out the meaning it's the worst!!! A better solution for a writer that really needs/wants to have a whole conversation in another language for plot reasons or whatever, then all they need to do is to say once that the characters are talking in the other language and put the dialogue in the same language they've been writing the rest of the narrative and in italic.

The characters who don't speak the language won't understand what's being said, but the reader will and their reading will be more pleasant and fluid.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

An Argentinian show called Floricienta. A modern retelling of Cinderella.

20. Favourite fic you’ve ever written?

I don't like this question either! All my fics are my babies! How do you want me to choose?!! There are so many I'm proud of. I guess I'll point the most recent one: Feed Me Poison, Fill me till I Drown I really like how this story is coming along. It's not done yet (what else is new? 😅) but what's coming is so so good!

Tagging (no pressure): @renee561 @thecoffeelorian @genericficerblog @airlockfailure @mistr3ssquickly @insertmeaningfulusername @fanfictasia

[wolves0nmars]

i loved cal bowman's arc in season 4 of sex education. it was one of the first times i've ever felt seen in any trans rep on television.

SO so much trans rep is so white. and all of it is so passing. when i look at the trans people i see on screen, specifically the trans kids i see on screen, and then i look at the trans people in my life... something does not add up. one of the biggest problems the trans community is facing rn is access to medical transition between crisis in the NHS, and growingly restrictive laws in the US. and it all applies so much more heavily on trans kids. but the trans teens i see on screen are all... um. well, they're played by 24 year old models. they've been on HRT for years, and they'll typically have ffs/top surgery. which is really not the slightest bit relatable to actual trans teens.

but back to cal. because cal is a complete rebellion of all this. cal is not white, cal is not transfemme, and most of all, they are very early in their transition.

throughout season 4, they literally compare themselves to the other transmasc kid on the show. 2? in 1 show? i know right!!! roman has top surgery, and has clearly been on HRT for at least a couple months. this is the trans teen representation that we see all the time!!! something that is so out of reach from most trans kids. but cal is not like roman. cal is on a waiting list for top surgery, and can't afford it if they go private. the private HRT is already expensive enough. they are also literally just starting HRT. that is a lot more relevant to real trans kids, who are probably kind of just starting it or haven't at all. looking at roman makes cal so dysphoric and envious, because it's everything they can't have. that is the reality of a lot of trans kids. that is the precise discrepancy between trans rep and real trans people. and when cal literally runs away, not to get anywhere, not to run to the netherlands or something. but just to sit on a rock and look out at a world which they don't belong in.

i have never felt more fucking seen in my life.

and some even more stuff, 1, cal's mom. she supports cal... but she doesn't really... get it? its giving left leaning centrist. it's giving average joe or josephine. its giving... my mother!!! hahaa ha

and 2, roman. i said roman is kind of a representation of a lot of the trans rep we see but thats not actually completely true. most of the trans rep we see is white, thin, and minimalist. and also transfemme but thats a conversation for another time! what i mean when i say minimalist is that the androgyny and gender noncomformity of it is very... nothing. i guess it's the difference between being enby as in neither gender, and being enby as in both genders. the androgyny we see all the time is very masculine, with short hair, short nails, no boobs, no bulge, no color, no nothing. i think this post describes that pretty well. i would definitely recommend reading it.

but roman on the other hand, is not white, has long hair, and long nails. he isn't performing that kind of masculinity that's... expendable?blends into the background. he's performing a kind of femininity which is loud, which is something to be looked at, something to be admired. and thats the kind of androgyny we need to see more often.

overall, i really really enjoyed the trans storylines in this season, and i would definitely recommend watching it. just skip over all the otis parts cause hes a annoying little bitch

[destinyc1020]

For those of us that followed TZ during their split it's funny to see when Tom pays particular attention to looks Z wore during that time because he had not gotten to properly appreciate them before. The edit he liked this morning was of Zs Hilfiger NYC show which was held on Sept 9, 2019 which was in the midst of the period Sony took Tom's Spidey out of the MCU and just after Zs Greek vacation. His mind was somewhere else in that period. He did something similar during NWH press during their BBC Newsround interview in which he stared at the Z pic in a paddle given. It was a fit she wore on Jan 30, 2020 days before Tom had his meltdown that led to their 6-month estrangement. It's him discovering stuff he had missed about her

@2:00 https://youtu.be/uyRthUHot-4?si=zp5oFHM7PE4mjvfc

FF To Min. 2:00.... Thanks for sharing Anon! 🥰

Yea, while I think Tom probably was kinda keeping up with some things that Z was doing even though they were broken up (he was liking pics that Law posted of Zendaya, he was keeping in touch with Law on the regular during the pandemic, and he obviously reached out to her after her Emmy nod), I do think there were quite a few things he missed out on for sure lol. He was probably wondering: "When did she wear this outfit?" 😅🤣

I love seeing him liking old stuff of Z lol....

[regiesgfreal]

felix reaction when he caught you cutting yourself

A/n:I really don't want to focus on one story only.so for now i leave the part 3 for later.so now we going with felix fanfiction!

You and felix was dating for 4 years, almost from the time he just debut.Felix is always in his work, so you didn't really get a lot from him.

It was same day as always, you woke up in your bed without felix around you. He always wake up first.I gone down stairs and heard as always felix's ''I need to do coffee and change and have shower and have breakfast so on, so sorry babe but cinemar is not possible for today.''

Hate hearing that from him but i just nodded and kissed his cheek.

Time skip:2 hours after felix left house.

I was so tired of all of these work times for felix because of them i don't get anylove the thing that we never have had sex in this 4 years, when all my friends got it after 2 years together.My friend Juisy with her husband only 3 years and they married have kid and stuff. I was just crying in my room and wanted to jump down the roof.

Time skip:9:13

Felix will be home soon.He always comes back home at 9:30.

You couldn't keep the pain anymore so you decidet to relife your stres by cutting yourself.You when to the bathroom you wasn't worrying about time anymore.You locked the door and started to cut yourself.Then after 3 cuts you pass out.And my hand land right next to the little whole under the door

Felix POV:

I came home kind of late so i've been thinking that y/n is asleep.I drink some water and went upstairs to change and shower.

When i change i desidet to use bathroom.

''Y/n!It's Felix.Open the door please!'' i had no answer

Then i saw blood going from the room.

''Y/N!BABE!OPEN PLS!CMON PLEASE'' i was screaming and getting no answer. then i remember about the keys from bathroom that are in my bag.When i get the keys i unlocked the door and saw y/n with bleeding wrist.

''NO NO NO Y?N!PLEASE NO!GOD PLEASE NO!''

i took my phone out of my pocket and called 911.

TIME SKIP NEXT DAY 8:12am

Y/N POV

i woke up and saw doctor and felix sitting around me on different sides.

Doctor:Well i guess i need to leave you one on one.

Felix:Thanks!

Y/n: What am i doing here?Why dont you just let me go?You dont even want to spend time with me, it means you dont love me.

Felix:Why i didn't let you go?Maybe because i love you and you the most importent thing of my live?It's like i dont want to spend time with you.It's cause i am working hard to get money and for you to have all stuff you want!

Y/n:HOW DONT U UNDERSTAND HUH?ALL I NEED IS TIME WITH YOU.OR EVEN A MOVIE NIGHT IN OUT LIVING ROOM WOULD BE ENOUGH!U ALWAYS AT YOUR WORK AND NEVER EVEN KISS ME BACK OR HUG ME AT NIGHT.YOU THINK I WAS ASLEEP WHEN YOU COMING HOME?NEVER I WAS WAITING FOR YOU TO COME TO THE SIDE OF MY BED AND KISS MY FOREHEAD.

Felix:.......babe i am so sorry!i reall really selfish!please forgive me!

y/n;i am forgiving you.

Time skip0- in 2 years

Felix never doing stuff like that again.You was prengnant and youi was waiting for boy/girl(just choose who u want).Felix was always spending 22/7 time of his life with you.

Time skip-in 7 years

Your girl/boy(choose one) was 6 years old he/she was lookes like felix a lot.You happy together and you always going on vacations every 2 month.

Time skip-in 5 years

You girl/boy have had her/his first kiss.u can't believe he/she is 11 already. You have another baby who is 4 years old.

Finish!

A/n:It's not like the ff ''i am mf stargirl!'' is closed i just want to post some other staff too.So gusy what you think?

[ayyponine]

much like last year i got to enjoy some studio visits this weekend B)

(commentary in addition to description linked to each photo individually)

started out fresh w an art gallery (1, 2, 3) w some cool, colourful, eclectic and playful pieces on display. made a quick stop at work to say hi to a colleague i hadn't seen in a while before making my way to

my second location and biggest must-see (4, 5). Had a nice chat w artist who saw me look at one of her canvases frm the side so she was like lol do you paint or smth. bc i recognise how you're viewing these works when i go to a museum i do the same exact thing. I loved getting her perspective and a glimpse into her work process even if it's so different from mine idk it was cool! There was a whole collective of lil art studios scattered about the building surrounding a courtyard so i also entered a diff place and look. they were all about making zines. a group of ppl was chatting and making em. so i entered and was like hi ja sorry i kom ff binnenvallen maar ik weet niet goed wat er..... te bezine valt. which instantly made me cringe so hard i was ready to leave but the girl leading the workshop seemed thrilled to have me and explain the setup even if internally i was still like oh god why am i like this rip. i think i missed out on some more ateliers but mostly bc a lot of the artists were gathered in the lil courtyard having drinks and chatting and i was too intimidated to ask fr info or be spotted looking lost like some IDIOT so on i went rip.

quick stop at kids clothing shop which always cheers me up it's so whimsical and i want their stuff fr

Then onto 6, 7 where they had some cool stuff fr sure but the location was such a cramped and cluttered old row house and i had already spent my whole day walkign around in a T-shirt so especially trying to navigate around other visitors this was just not it babes. i moved on before having seen it all despite being interested bc i just needed to get tf out.

Managed my good deed fr the day when i spotted a confused looking older couple w a wheeled suitcase and personally guided them to their hotel

THEN on to this hidden lil atelier where i also went last year + attended a grand total of 2 life drawing sessions in the months after. again while arriving i was faced w the distinct feeling of having barged in on a private party of artists all at a table sharing a leisurely drink on a dreamy sunday afternoon rip BUT. the artist i talked to last time/followed the drawing sessions with was there, still knew me by name and made some small talk to help me feel welcome what an absolute gem. he even proposed i sit w them at the table & hang out fr a bit, when i said like hmm thank you but to just join up w a group of friends who all know each other it's a lil daunting he even said like but i know them, and i know you so its all ok :) i was internally like cool. i would takea fucking bullet fr you btw this is totally fine and i can not believe you are still willingly talking to me, the single most embarrassing person to ever exist in the world

anyway i did not accept the offer to stay fr a while but did chat w some of the other artists which was again super cool, to get more info on the diff works on display. they seem like a rlly sweet and charming collective of people and i wish i didn't feel so ashamed of myself so i couldve spent more time with them all but aint that the way. debating atm whether i should sign up fr another life drawing class or if the guy was only being nice bc he felt obligated and would actually prefer i keep my flustered and off putting vibes tf away from his personal and professional work space idk.

anyway. i had the wrong address so almost missed out on my last visit but in the final hour it was still possible i did manage to find the last location (8, 9) w an exhibit on themes of europe, durability and the meaning of home. there was a really cool piece on trees & difficulty in their sap stream where you could touch a chunk of wood and feel clicks resonate through a speaker mounted on the back, a glass installation on koekhappen re: jumping through hoops fr resource accessibility & probably my fave: the audio of welcoming messages. esp smth about the french speaker was so warm idk there seemed to be genuine relief in the confession of "je suis tellement heureuse de te voir, que tu m'as manqué" which also btw. god ive always loved that expression. ive missed you you have been missing FROM me or smth more in that direction of semantics i. insane

then biked on to my moms again to get some got damn. peace and quiet. and a cinnamon roll w vanilla ice cream <3

[cotecoyotegrrrl]

Once Upon A Time - Still Kind Of Beautiful

Not exactly a holiday story

Sorry it's taken me so long to post the last chapter, work has been exploding getting ready for winter break and the end of the year.

You can find of this story in its entirety on A03 and FF

Part 4 

She hadn’t meant to do it. Not any of it. Not at all. But seeing Gail so close last night, actually touching her, holding her if even for just one moment opened a door Holly couldn’t seem to close. She knew that it was stupid, unscientific, impulsive, but she couldn’t seem to stop herself. Gail Peck felt like home.

An endless amount of teasing had already begun yesterday when her sister discovered she had made a date with Traci at the Penny to meet Gail’s daughter that night. Holly had tried to brush it off as taking a professional interest in a young woman who was important to Traci, and wanted to join her field of expertise. But her sister wasn’t fooled.

“Oh my God Holly! Just stop stalking her and talk with her already!” Laurel commented, with a superior smirk, when Holly told her where she were going last night, “What is this, Junior High School?!”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m not stalking Gail! I’m meeting her daughter Sophie, Traci’s niece, to talk about her first year of pre-med at McGill!” Holly tried to sound indignant, even though she knew Laurel was right.

“Then why do you know exactly who and what I’m talking about when I haven’t even mentioned her name?” Laurel continued, raising one pointed eyebrow.

She was busted!

“Oh look! You’re blushing! That’s so cute!” Laurel laughed right in her face as the room suddenly became unbearably hot.

“I am not!” Holly sulked.

Later that night she was hoping her sister would be asleep when she got home, but no such luck. Laurel fixed her with a knowing stare when she “had that look in her eye” as she came in the door.

“You saw her, didn’t you.”

Holly shrugged, adjusting her glasses, smiling dreamily, not wanting to tell her sister she had actually hugged Gail this time.

“Seriously Holly, when are you going to stop pining away, and either ask Gail for another chance, or get over her? It’s only been ten years of this stupidity!” Laurel continued.

“I’m not pining away! And I have had other relationships, Ms. Smartypants!” Holly protested weakly.

“Whatever you say Holly. Then why do you always find an excuse to ditch perfectly nice women after no more than six months together? And why is it, on any given day, I could ask you what Gail has been up to, and you would know, and be able to give me a detailed answer?” Laurel needled her with a wry expression.

Holly sighed and declined to answer, concluding that it was probably best to say nothing in response. Her sister had, of course, been right. She always, annoyingly, was.

Gail still smelled the same, like sandalwood, and baking cookies, and coffee. It was intoxicating! Holly had almost forgotten, until last night. And now it’s all she could think about. It had driven her into the car with a weak excuse about checking out the new facilities at the morgue, only to find herself here, at Gail’s door. Like a woman possessed, climbing the front stairs, ringing the bell, feeling foolish, hoping no one is home, and praying that Gail is here all at once, Holly feels so out of control. When the door opens, the sight of Gail wearing her old blue hoodie, the one she left at Gail’s place a decade ago makes Holly’s heart skip a beat. It makes her ramble, and stutter, and stumble. As Gail catches her reflexively to stop her from completely falling, she can feel Gail’s arms tighten around her waist, pulling her closer than necessary. She can feel Gail’s heart beating right through her sweater. Looking up into those clear blue eyes, Holly knew she was a goner. She hadn’t meant to do it, but Gail’s lips are like a magnet, drawing her in.

The kiss is hungry, starving really, as she buries her hands in Gail’s hair and her tongue in Gail’s mouth. She hears the front door slam behind them, as Gail moans and sighs into her. Her knees begin to buckle at the sound. And just like that, Gail’s body is slamming her up against the nearest wall. She came here to talk, to try to catch Gail alone, to see if they could find a way to start over, or at least be friends, and yet somehow, they ended up like this. Maybe this is how they are meant to communicate, she thinks fleetingly, like a lightning strike in a forest, burning off the old to allow for new growth. It takes her back to interrogation rooms, and bathtubs, and her old office at the morgue, not that she’s complaining. Not when every cell in her body is on fire and rejoicing in the same way she is sure a wilting plant reacts to water. She can feel herself breaking, years of regret, and disappointment, and holding herself back, come crashing down at their feet, and pouring out from beneath her closed eyelids as Gail’s fingers slide inside her sweater and her coat, pushing them to the floor with a soft thud, without breaking the kiss. Salty, bittersweet tears flow onto Holly’s mouth changing the taste of Gail’s tongue from want to need, as she realizes with a gasp that Gail is weeping too. Cool, soft hands slide up her back, under her shirt, pulling her closer still, leaving a trail of fire on her skin. They are melting together, gasping, and shaking and clutching desperately at each other. Smoldering brown eyes open to lock with the blue grey storm that pierces her very soul. In this moment there is only them, there is only this.

“Oh my God… MOTHER!” The anguished cry rings out behind them, as the front door slams open breaking the spell.

Gail’s lips are ripped from hers and a cold breeze from the open door hits her like a slap where Gail’s body has just been. Holly lurches to her feet, awkwardly attempting to straighten her blouse, and put herself back together as she watches the scene before her unfold. Sophie standing wide eyed, mouth agape with shock in the doorway of Gail’s home, looking in horror from her to Gail and back before pushing roughly past them and running up the stairs, giving Holly a disdainful look as she goes.

“Sophie?” Gail calls softly to her daughter.

A bedroom door slams upstairs.

“Gail…” Traci begins, standing breathlessly on the doorstep, also looking from Gail to Holly and back, but with big motherly eyes this time.

“Don’t.” Gail warns her away with a vague wave of her hand.

The bedroom door slams again and Sophie descends scowling murderously at them all.

“Sophie! Where are you going young lady?” Gail commands, hands on her hips.

“What do you care?” Sophie shoots back, grabbing a very confused Leo by the arm. “Out! With people who I’m not interrupting! Come on Leo!”

Leo gives them all an apologetic half shrug and smile as he allows Sophie to drag him to her car.

“Sophie Katrina Peck! You get your ass back in this house right this second!” Gail storms after her, only to be stopped by Traci’s hand on her arm.

“Let her go.” Traci says quietly.

“Fuck!” Gail’s whole body deflates as she watches Sophie and Leo speed away in Sophie’s Honda Civic.

She digs the heels of her hands into her eyes as she sits abruptly on the stairs,

“She’ll be alright. At least Leo is with her.” Traci says quietly.

“Maybe I should go.” Holly says softly, getting her feet beneath her, feeling like her chest has been stomped on by an elephant.

“Don’t you dare!” Gail’s hand shoots out to grab her wrist hard, and then turning to glare at Traci, “What are you guys doing home so early? I thought your movie ended at five.”

“We went to The Human Genome Project at the Museum of Science instead.” Traci says with a shrug.

“Oh.” Gail says looking sadly up at her.

“She heard that Holly had a part in putting it together and wanted to impress her by having seen it.” Traci replies  “Great.” Holly sighs, “And now she hates me.”

“No, but I do think she has a school girl crush on you, and walking in on you making out with her Mom may have burst her bubble.” Traci says with a smirk.

“Oh. That.” Holly shakes her head with a sad smile

“She does know about your past with Holly, right Gail?” Traci says as gently as she can.

“Nope.” Gail hangs her head and won’t look at either one of them.

“O – Kay…” Traci sighs

Gail continues, “ It… ah… never came up..? I mean it’s not like I’ve really dated anyone since I’ve had her.”

“No one?” Holly asks quietly.

“Nope.” Gail says, turning to face her, “She lost everything when her mom died, and I wasn’t going to bring someone else into our lives, just to have them leave and break her heart.”

“Oh.” Holly says sadly, feeling the impact of Gail’s words like a punch to her solar plexus.

“I’m sorry.” Gail says, seeing the pain register on her face, “I didn’t say that to hurt you, Holly.”

“That’s ok. I might kind of deserve it if you did.” Holly replies, deflated, unable to meet Gail’s eyes.

Traci clears her throat, “As much as I hate to break this up, I’m going to go home and wait to hear from Leo there. You two have a lot to talk about. And remember Gail, everyone deserves the chance to be happy, even you.”

“Thanks Traci.” Gail gets up to give her an unexpected hug, “I’ll call you when Sophie comes home.”

“You’re a good mother Gail.” Traci says as they part. “You know that, right? And I’ll see you later Holly!”She turns to go with a smile.

Gail is still pacing, and Holly can tell that her mind is running about a million miles an hour like a hamster wheel going nowhere. It’s the sheer helplessness she feels that keeps her glued to the couch in silence, watching Gail pace instead of getting up and reaching for her. Helplessness and guilt. Why did she think she and Gail ever stood a chance? She isn’t sure why she’s still here, but Gail insisted that she stay.

It’s nearly seven o’clock when the front door finally opens and Sophie comes storming in.

“What is she still doing here?” She demands in an icy tone, glaring at Holly.

“Sophie, “ Gail turns to face her daughter. Her tone is hard, but her eyes hold a softness Holly has rarely seen before, “She’s here because you invited her to dinner, and because she is my friend.”

“A friend. So that’s what you call it.” Sophie scoffs.

“That’s right.” Gail counters. “Or at least I hope we are.”

“Why didn’t you ever tell me?” Sophie glares at her.

Gail sighs and sags a little, “It’s complicated, Kitten. When I got you Holly had just moved to San Francisco, and you needed someone who would always be there, and I knew I couldn’t divide myself between the two of you if I was going to be able to be the parent you needed.”

The air has grown thick and hot making it hard for Holly to breathe around the growing lump in her throat and the pressure behind her eyes.

“But you’re right Sophie, Holly and I were never just friends.” She concludes, moving over to stand by Holly sitting on the couch.

“Is that why you never date anyone?” Sophie asks, crossing her arms.

“In part.” Gail reaches out to squeeze Holly’s shoulder. “And in part because I wanted to give you the most stable environment I could growing up.”

“Oh.” Sophie says, chewing on her lower lip, like Gail does some times.

“While I’m sorry you got upset by walking in on something you weren’t supposed to see, I’m not sorry that Holly is here.” Gail squeezes Holly’s shoulder again, and smiles at her for the first time.

“Ok…” Sophie says cautiously.

“I know we all have so much to talk about, but right now I’m starving! So go get ready for dinner young lady!” Gail says finally.

“Yes Mom.” Sophie turns and goes almost meekly up stairs.

As she leaves Holly gets up as well, the emotional rollercoaster of the day leaving her drained and exhausted.

“Maybe I should go…” She begins softly, looking into Gail’s clear blue eyes.

Gail reaches for her then, kissing her tenderly with soft lips as she cradles Holly’s head in her hands.

“Stay.” She whispers into her lips.

This is the one word Gail never said to her before, the one word that could have changed the course of their lives so long ago. Knowing with all her heart that there is no other choice, she can only nod and kiss Gail back, powerless to do anything else, come what may.

[charlieslowartsies]

Would you mind giving me a director’s commentary on Finding Freddy? I was curious why you didn’t like that one as much.

I know I've mentioned it in passing before but yeh sure. It's a personal tale tho, not much fun haha

Finding Freddy was a strange beast for me. I went into it wanting to pull the story away from being centered around Mike and the OG 4, wanting to explore the world thru the kga lens better. I shoved the timeline 9 years.

Okay. I brought in Danny, since he was the logical choice of who Mike would trust and who I thought me and the readers would enjoy. I brought in Springtrap as a good guy, separating him from William Afton while still making it clear that wasn't going to last long, but that Springy was someone we should sympathize or even empathize with. I wanted a story of fear of the unknown.

Ghost Strings was about loss and grief. Finding Freddy was going to be about finding oneself in the darkness and being afraid of what's inside you, but also what's behind you too.

And a finger on the monkey's paw curled lmao.

At the same time, in my real life, I was in the process of moving from my childhood home. I'd lived there for about 25 years, and though old and spooky and occasionally grouchy it was a wonderful house for a kid. The joint was full of nooks, crannies, two basements, (respectively titled the Old Basement and the New Basement, despite New Basement being 25 years old in 1993 when I came along, that was just it's name by then.) It had ghosts in every corner, stairs that creaked in unison on dark nights, about 2 dozen mice and it was safe and warm and familiar to me as my own bones.

For those that know the stories well, you can see where the restaurant's descriptions came from, especially in the opening of Finding Freddy.

Well, I wrote myself right into a corner, uncertain where I wanted Danny and Mike's future to head. Danny died in a few renditions. Mike died in others. Killing them off seemed like surrendering something I didn't want to give. I stalled out on the story. We moved into our new build around June 2017, FF had begun in Feb of that year. My golden Joey died around April, he was older and it was a relief because we worried the move would stress him out. Herbie, my graduation gift in 2015, filled out and completed his training and took a lot of my spare time that art wasn't getting.

Standing in my empty room the day I dropped the keys off, which had not been empty since...forever...it ended up leaving a deeper wound that I refused to address. I called myself silly, sentimental, I shrugged. I was being stupid.

It found a way out, though, because our troubles always do.

FF languished in the word doc. I started BATIM/Make Believe around then. The FNAF games weren't as fun for me as they used to be. I loved the new house, I was so so grateful that my folks gave me the second floor of our cape cod. I cooked with my mom in a big, new kitchen with appliances that worked and breakers that didn't trip. I took care of my father and his health issues. I explored the acres of woods we moved onto.

My rabbit I had through college died the following March. Hiccup. Old time readers know that Bonnie's loyal and sometimes snotty personality came directly from Hiccup.

I subbed for my mom's school, and Hiccup died one day before I started a two month job. I wanted out of it for the first few days, I wanted time to grieve. I wasn't given it. I didn't ask, my mom refused me. "You made a promise to work there. You made a commitment."

I didn't fight her. She was right. It was just a silly pet rabbit. The world shouldn't stop for me, for something trivial. I had no energy to do free lance work, and less energy to write for a fic I couldn't enjoy.

Turns out, living with Hiccup for so many years meant I slept to his background presence. His lil bunny sounds, monching hay and digging about in his cage and cannonballing my bed in the morning to greet me.

His ambience was gone, and for 3 months I got about 3-4 hours of sleep a night until I realized the problem.

FF started to rot. Another Five Nights was tended to, sometimes. More fics worked on. FF ignored. I felt so bad. I felt tired, angry, annoyed. I missed Mike. I felt I was writing Danny all wrong. I missed the Marionette. I wondered if I had taken Springtrap from the plot too early. I questioned Afton's motives. I questioned my motives.

I missed my childhood home. I missed college. I missed going to classes and having tons of work and dreaming of being an illustrator and getting paid to do what I loved. I missed having a life for myself.

Danny was trapped in the underground. I was trapped up on the third floor, feeling like Rapunzel in her tower. (When will my life begin?)

Danny became that mouthpiece for me. If nothing else, I learned more what Danny Fitzgerald wanted, even if I didn't show it until later stories.

Finally, finally, I pulled my shit together and updated the fic. 2020. Not as long as I've let other stories sit in purgatory, but for some reason with KGA it felt more personal to me. It hurt more. I was pretty pleased with myself for pushing onward. I had concurred this dragon, I was proud of myself.

And then I got a review that asked why I had taken 2 years to update. Nothing else in that comment.

I also received other kinder comments too, but in that one moment I remember sitting there and thinking 'wow, okay. Why am I bothering with this again? Why is this hobby draining me and why am I letting it?' All I saw was the negative in that situation, which was wrong of me.

It was a lesson I needed to learn. Write for yourself. Write what you want. Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead.

I was able to justify bringing Marion back when I saw Lefty in Pizza Sim. I was able to bring in Mangle and explain Mike's survival because she protected him. Springtrap and Afton were given an escape so they could go ahead and set up plot for Last Shift. (And then in Lies Within, too.) The Michael Afton/Michael Schmidt theory was yanked until I had two Michael's to work with. Hiccup was further immortalized into Scraptrap. Max Afton was so much fun to create and write.

But Finding Freddy never quite lived up to my expectations.

I never lived up to my expectations for the story. It was a lot of things that culminated in me carrying a grudge for the fic.

I don't really carry it heavy as I used to, time heals all wounds. But it's the problem child of the series for me. London Bridge is old and the gang wasn't realized. I could excuse LB not being a good read, but at the time I liked writing it. Devil's Spine was fun, but perhaps shouldn't have been a prequel. That was okay, because it set a lot of building blocks. And DS lead to Ghost Strings, which I loved working on.

FF I didn't like writing, and nothing excuses it. It became a chore and I felt forced to write.

But the one thing I do like about it, is that I did finish it. And that did feel good.

[sculptural-renaissance]

SGU Week Day 4 (oh are we still doing this): Favorite shi

Eli and Ginn were precious, and it's criminal that we didn't get more of them. C r i m i n a l . To say nothing of that double-fridging (that they did twice... ffs).

I like to think that Ginn would be all in for going to earth, and she eventually gets her wish after her file is removed from quarantine (with a sweet clone body grown from DNA harvested from her old clothes, which were initially saved to be backup clothing for some of the ladies on board Destiny, but later saved for cloning purposes [yes I'm aware this means her body would have been buried in some state of undress, but it was off camera anyway so it's fiiiiiiiine]).

Y'all say what y'all like about Family Guy, but the cutaways have tons of cultural references (I am frequently "Peter Griffin Explains the Joke when I watch with my husband). My thought is that Eli shows Ginn episodes of Family Guy to teach her about earth, which you can imagine leads to some pretty ridiculous misunderstandings.

Please do not enjoy this excerpt from The Eli Wallace Guide to Getting a Cute and Smart 3D Girlfriend

A while back, whilst hunting for meme fodder, I found a mean article written back around when SGU was airing. The gist of it was basically that Ginn was too "pretty" for Eli, and that a "schlubby" guy like him didn't deserve to be with someone conventionally attractive. Idk, maybe I'm old, but I think they're around the same level of cuteness. Also, bear in mind that in the past, having some extra weight was considered a sign of wealth and a positive trait. Eli's body type could easily be a selling point for Ginn, who is apparently interested enough in leaving the Space Cartel that she's willing to risk her life for it. To her, Eli is sweet, smart, cute, and her ticket to a life so cushy that luxuries she can't even imagine are considered commonplace. He's the entire package. 🧡

Look, I'm not creative. This is verbatim from Family Guy, but it's funny as hell, so it's going in the post.

This is Vital Information, mainly because Eli is definitely dragging her to a comic con at the first opportunity. God, imagine being an alien and going to a con, and it looks no different from that trading post you used to go to every month

Gotta learn about Halloween, AKA the best holiday! I do wonder what kind of holiday celebrations they might try to have on the Destiny in some hypothetical future where they can get supplies from earth, especially with all those Lucian Alliance members from various other planets. Obviously not something worth showing in a show that was mainly focused on survival, but it's a fun idea for fics.

And yes, at this point, Family Guy is the only TV show Ginn knows, except for the ones they mention on the show.

Please enjoy the references to Mean Girls and Parks & Rec.

Apparently raisins are a universal constant, too, which is good because I love them and will tolerate no raisin-slander on my page

"Shut up, Eli, you don't have a band." Fr tho "Spaceship Full of Bees" is an awesome band name

This is actually one of the shorter "episodes" I've done, in which Dale gets the bright idea to keep bees on a spaceship. I looked it up, and you can't keep honeybees inside, not even in a greenhouse, because they need more space than that to roam around. Maybe they could genetically engineer some that are suitable for pollinating weird space plants on a starship. No way will that hilariously backfire. Ginn is clearly familiar with the steroid bees, so she will probably think they're normal.

Dale's other idea is to get chickens. Maybe they can get some domestic space quail instead. They're smaller.

"So after we finished Family Guy, we watched some of The Cleveland Show. Then, when I took her to the zoo, she threw a beer into the bear enclosure, and that's how we both got lifetime bans from The Cheyenne Mountain Zoo."

But yeah imagine learning all this random pop culture info from some raunchy cartoon so you can fit in on an alien planet, but no one bothers telling you that the second-most common pet on that planet can't talk. Good luck to everyone when Ginn meets a parrot...

[empty-and-shameless]

1 4 DAYS - KIM SEOKJIN

Jin and Y/N have been married since they were eighteen. Now, for about two months, they don't even sleep in the same bed anymore. Y/N is a hard-working woman, trying her hardest to gain a higher position in the company she works in, and seems to not find any time for love anymore. Jin is different, he is rather consistent with his low-wage job, always thinking that there is more to life than work. Y/N and Jin used to be very free-spirited, but as they grew up Y/N wanted to have a family and grow old together with Jin. Jin was not keen on growing up just yet, adulthood scared him and he decided to distance himself more and more from Y/N. Somehow Y/N decided to plunge herself into work. And Jin is now alone in an empty bed, regretting his decisions, drowning his problems in alcohol.

MASTERLIST

Prologue

Part 1 [»]

| pairing | kim seokjin x female reader

| genre | second-chance, love triangle

| warnings | maybe smut, mentions of divorce, depression, excessive alcohol use

| rating | PG 13-16

| word count | 1.1 k

| authors note | my ff are also on wattpad, pls don't steal my stories or give credits if you're inspired.

P r o l o g u e

Slamming his fist on the bar in front of him, he drunkenly shouts for another glass of whatever liquor he has been devouring for the last two hours. The barkeeper threw him an annoyed look, but slid him another glass of cheap whiskey with three ice cubes swimming on the surface. As fast as the glass was served, it was gone. The barkeeper shot the man a surprised, but also disgusted look, not asking any further though. "I'm married. To a beautiful, intelligent woman. Believe it or not." the man slurred. "Sure you are" said the barkeeper, clearly not believing the drunk, disheveled man. "I don't usually drink this much, but it has been a rough few months you know..." the drunk trailed off. The barkeeper only shook his head and tended to different people on the other end of the bar. "Pff, I thought barkeepers had to listen to their guest. That is literally their job. Asshole." the man mumbled to himself.

He was actually supposed to meet his friend Namjoon here, but he seemed to be running late. Right now though he couldn't care less. He is in his feelings and drowns them in alcohol after the events that displayed this morning.

Flashback to this morning

Jin could actually pull himself together this morning and even got out of bed to take a shower. The bed he used to share with her. Everything in this godforsaken apartment reminds him of her. He decided it was time for him to eat something, so he went to the fridge and was greeted by emptiness. "I guess I'll have ramen again..." with a sigh he began to put the kettle on waiting for the water to boil. Suddenly a thought came to his mind that he has not looked into the mail for very long. Jin has called in sick from work for the past few weeks, he would usually look into the mail on his way there, well he hasn't looked at it in a while. With all the mail that was built up in his mailbox, he headed back inside to sort through it. Advertisements. Bills. More Advertisements. A letter from a law firm? Has he forgotten to pay for his parking tickets or something? As he opened it and skimmed through the letters everything seemed to move in slow motion. His heart started beating really loud in his ears and his lungs stopped pumping the air through. A divorce. She wants a divorce...

Flashback end

Jin gets slapped into reality by his friend Namjoon, who has arrived and bumped his shoulder, while squeezing onto the barstool next to him. "I'm so sorry I'm late Jin, work was hell today," Namjoon said, already ready to rant about his busy day. He ordered a martini and turned to Jin again, realizing his friend was in some kind of delirium. "I guess you've had enough to drink huh?"

"She wants a divorce. She hates me" Jin suddenly cried into Namjoon's shoulder. His whole demeanor changed and his drunken state made him emotional and weak. Namjoon hated to see his friend like that, but he knew it was coming for him. They have known each other for almost seven years now and he has never seen his friend that broken. Y/N and Jin were high school sweethearts and got married at an early age. Namjoon and his wife got married rather early too, but they are still together. He had to watch how Jin and Y/N slowly distanced each other from one another and he had a good view of both sides because Y/N already told his wife that she's ready to move ob from Jin. It hurt him too, they're both his best friends after all. "I...I don't know what to say. Wasn't it foreseeable? I mean you don't live together anymore and you both got very distant...it was just a matter of time that she cut ties completely. Matter of fact you're not even together I think." Namjoon said hesitantly.

It was really just a matter of time. Y/N, Jin's soon-to-be ex-wife, has always been such a hard-working person. She wanted to have a great job and then get married and have children. Jin was rather scared of growing old and having kids. He lived an inconsistent life and liked to have fun with his friends. He never saw himself as a father figure, maybe because he never had one growing up, or maybe because he was scared of losing his youth. That is basically how the arguments between the two of them started. The distancing from each other followed suit. Y/N decided to bury herself in her work, with no work-life balance whatsoever. And Jin decided to distance himself from Rory and concentrate on himself. Which led to Rory renting an apartment closer to her workplace two months ago and Jin, just now, realizing what he's done. Or what he's done wrong.

As soon as Y/N left with her last suitcase, Jin knew he was in deep shit. The love of his life just left out of the door and took his heart with her. And that feeling is shit, believe it. "I need her." Jin sighed. "Well, you're realizing that pretty soon...". Namjoon said sarcastically. He wasn't on anyone's side during this break-up. He knew Jin and Y/N since forever, they were the ones to introduce him to his now-wife. Kaiya, Namjoon's wife is Y/N's best friend and is obviously the biased one in this situation. Namjoon decided to stay impartial, but he silently wishes for them to get back together anyway.

"Namjoon, I'm going to get her back. This divorce will not happen. Y/N will not slip through my fingers again!" Jin shouted ambitiously. Namjoon looked around a little embarrassed, they were in public after all. "And how exactly will you do that? Do you even know if she loves you anymore?" Namjoon said.

That stung Jin's heart more than a little. He had to sit down on his barstool again. Does she even love him anymore? Has Y/N fallen out of love? Jin's confidence went from 100 to 0 very fast. "I still love her... I even remember the first time I said it to her" Back in Highschool they had two Calculus classes together and Jin wanted to talk to her so he made a dumb pick-up line and it actually worked on her. He asked her "Are you the square root of minus one? Because you're unreal!" And she laughed so much. It is a dear memory that he wishes to remember for ever. Remembering. Remember? Remember!!! She has to remember her love for him! Jin jumped out of his seat again. "If she does not love me now, I simply have to remind her of her love for me. I will make her fall in love with me all over again. I will make it up to her and give her the life she deserves." He said almost stumbling over his own words. "I guess that could work if we would live in a romance novel or something. This is real life Jin." Namjoon answered.

"Give me 14 days and the divorce will not happen. I will have the love of my life back in my arms. You'll see Namjoon, you'll be the godfather of our children! 14 DAYS!!!" Jin screamed while running out of the bar stumbling a little, straight to where his apartment is, that he used to share with Y/N.

"Shit, I'm going to have to pay this bastard's bill now..." Poor Namjoon.

[stahfakz]

My Fu$ked up life 26/2/24

Sooo, going back Christmas 2023, I get a call from my mum, except it's my older sister, calling from mums phone saying mums in the hospital and wanted me to pick up her partner, so that they could fuck off for the four days.

Bear in mind, I haven't had a holiday from work since b4 dad passed, over 2 years, and I was really needing 4 days off work to chill out. I didn't get it, I ended up with mum at the hospital everyday, and I ended up having burnout at work about a month later, and had to get senior manager approval to take off 2 days stress leave. But I digress.

Anyway apparently mum started her bs to Caz and caz told kez her partner who told her to take mum to the hospital because Caz a 53 yr old woman, is unable to make decisions on her own.

What they didn't tell me was that they were heading out, and wanted me to take care of mum without asking what my plans were or anything. I was dropping my own kid off at the airport that day. Ugh anyway. So I'm at the hospital, and the drs are telling me they think shes got a UTI or whatever, and awaiting some blood tests, but apparently when they dropped mum off, she was spouting her bs and it;s like FFS, Caz had fucked off and left me to deal with it. Stayed at the hospital for HOURrrrrsss with mum, but no results, I went home after 9pm I was so tired. I go back tot the hospital the next day, they've moved her out of the emergency ward and into a private room, they're still monitoring her, and they've sent the mental health care team to assess her, but cos mums religious, they can't do anything, cos it's 'god' talking to her or whatever.

Anyway, I ended up talking to Brocks mum about the sitcho, cos I know shes worked in aged care. She was really helpful, advised me on how to get aged care assessment done, etc, etc, as the drs would not allow mum to leave just yet.

I called Caz after talking to Brocks mum, and Caz had no fucken clue how to approach the situation, and I wondered why the fuck I even called her, and getting frustrated that she wasn't taking responsibility for her shitty decisions and fucking off, leaving me to deal with her drama so she can have time off work, cos she doesnt have kids, and the last time she had a holiday was 3 months ago, and wow thats so terrible for working for so long without a break.

The next day, the social worker visits mum and gets an aged care assessment referral for mum, and caz is back from her holiday. Because she wasn't around, all the referrals had my contact details, so when the next day, they finally let her out, I got several calls the following days about it all.

Mum missed her aged care assessment appointment, apparently they couldnt make it and had to re-schedule when they called her, but she hasn't heard back since.

I've set it up so that she gets groceries delivered, and sometimes Id go over and clean her house, I took her mower to be fixed, and brock mows her yard sometimes. Anyway, fast forward to today, on my last week of holidays. I pop over last week with milk, cos they didnt have any in her order last time, than I said I'd pop over on monday and pay her bills, etc. So I come over in the morning, wash and hang out her sheets, vacuum the floors, tidy up and mop her floors. Then I suggest she needs new sheets and towels and things, cos she can't see how moldy they are and they need to be thrown out, so i go to Capa and get her a bunch of new stuff all clean, come back and then tell her that she needs to call the aged care people, cos moving forward, I simply won't have the time with work, my own house work, my kid is in their senior years of high school and needs extra support for studies, and driving lessons, etc. Mum says, like always, that shes not going to worry about it, and I'm getting pretty stressed about it, cos she needs someone to clean her house, since Caz never does and I will not haven any more time, I told her I won't be able to come over again for months.

Anyway, I get so stressed, that I go to set this shit up on my laptop, but I can't she has to call them. So I tell her you have to call them now. And she screams at me saying no. So I said whatever and left. Just her yelling at me like that made me realise how fucked my life is. Doesn't matter that she fucking kept me away from dad and the rest of my family for years, I was never allowed to do anything as a kid, watch anything, have boyfriends or do anything, constantly abused psychologically and it's like fuck. Why the fuck do I bother to help my family anymore, who clearly give zero fucks about me.

Like, get a text from my older brother on my birthday saying hey hbd I have no idea where youre living or what you're doing. And its like, bro really? Are you that fucking stupid that you cant remember that I've been living at the same place for 5 years, working at the same place for 6 years.

I'm just over it. Everyone can go fuck themselves.

Fuck me right

[madam-wakefield]

Open When... Chapter 15

A03Link FF Link

Summary:

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13  Chapter 14 When a few years into their relationship Bernie is asked to go back to the army and deploy Serena isn’t sure how she’s going to get through the nine months without her girlfriend. What she doesn’t expect is for it to be her girlfriend who has the perfect set of surprises to get her through both the best and the worst days. Canon divergent - Elinor lives (well actually the accident never happens), Raf lives, and Cameron isn’t a total ass! The staff of AAU also probably didn’t all work on there at the same time in canon but do in this! The fic is already fully written with the first few chapters having already been Beta’d. 27 chapters including the epilogue. Hoping to post every Monday and Friday!

Open when you need a hug…

She’s at work when she hears the news, over a radio one of the patients is listening to, a suicide bomber has struck town where Bernie is stationed. Serena feels her legs buckle then and there. She feels Raf’s arm come around her to steer her into the office. Their office. And it’s the second she’s through the door that the sobs escape, because what if Bernie is caught up in it all? What if Bernie is hurt? what if Bernie is dead?! She cannot lose her. She agreed to this because it was what Bernie needed but she cannot lose her.

“You won’t lose her.” It’s only then that she realises all her thoughts have been said out loud. “You know Bernie, tough as old boots and stubborn as a mule. I’m sure she learnt her lesson about not coming back exactly when she was meant to last time.”

Serena laughs then and it’s so out of place. Tears streaming down her cheeks, worried to the pit of her stomach about Bernie’s safety, laughing about two things that are so wholly Berenice Wolfe. Serena doesn’t cry at work! She doesn’t break down and lose it, not when her girlfriend is in the middle of a war zone facing so much worse. But she just can’t stop.

Raf moves them so they are both sat in the visitors’ chairs. Arm comfortingly around her shoulder. There is a noise as the office door is open and in walks Fletch with a steaming cup of coffee.

“Latte, double shot.” He says gently pushing it into her hand, before walking back out. It isn’t her normal drink, it’s Bernie’s usual drink and it’s perfect and just makes her cry more.

“God, I miss her so much. We haven’t spoken to her in two weeks, not properly. They’ve been doing things away from base, so it’s made phone and skype calls impossible. I just don’t know what I’d do if that’s the last time I ever get to speak to her!” The tears continue but she takes a sip of the drink, and it feels a little like Bernie herself is wrapping her arms around Serena.

“You know Serena, Bernie is probably caught up in all that.” And at Raf’s words Serena’s breath hitches. “But not in the way you think. Your girlfriend is the bravest and most selfless woman I know, especially when it comes to her job. We all know that. Bernie wouldn’t let herself get hurt, how the hell would she be able to be the extraordinary Majpr Wolfe and save people that really shouldn’t be able to be saved if she got herself hurt. She’ll be there now barking orders at her team of medics and soldiers making sure that every single person possible gets out of their alive.” And Serena smiles then because that’s exactly what she’d be doing, her big macho army medic.

“And pulling a twenty-four-hour shift on only four hours sleep if that what it takes her.” Is Serena’s reply and she knows that is what Bernie really will be doing and Serena smiles to herself feeling her heart calm a little.

She takes another sip of the coffee, feels Bernie’s arms around her again and just gives herself a minute.

“Trauma call,” Fletch says not even 2 minutes later.

“Do you want me to take it? I can ask Dr Duval to assist if you need.” Raf offers, hand squeezing her shoulder.

But Serena shakes her head. “No, I’ll lead. It’s exactly what Bernie would do if the roles were reversed, if she was the one sitting here. But give me one minute to compose myself and finish this.” She says lifting the latte to her lips. She is going to go out there and make Bernie proud in her own way.

And when the one under survives, Serena can’t help but think it’s thanks to the bit of Bernie she felt was with her. The part that made her be brave and make decisions that usually only Bernie would make. Bernie makes her brave and she can do this, she only has four months left and they’ll be back together. And if from that day on Serena sometimes make decisions Bernie would makes instead of the ones she might have normally made, well they all pay off.

Before she goes home, she takes a look in her box of envelopes, deciding that a day like today is the perfect day to need a hug.

Once she’s at home in her pyjamas and wrapped in the fluffy blanket on the sofa she turns her attention to the envelope.

My Dearest Serena,

You need a hug but I’m not there to give you one, and I can only apologise for that. Instead, I’ve tried to do the next best thing. Go into the kitchen and in the back of the pots and pans cupboard. You’ll find a red box and inside it is just the things you’ll need. Go now and open it before you carry on reading.

Serena complies with the request, she pads into the kitchen, Bernie’s slippers on her feet to keep them off the cold tiles of the kitchen floor. She opens the pots and pan cupboard and it’s only after a lot of rummaging that she finally finds the box in question, no wonder she hadn’t found it sooner.

She takes the box back to the living room, slipping back under the blanket as she does so. She slips the lid of the box off and smiles at what she finds inside. Inside is another smaller box with a clear lid, and inside is some chocolates that spell out the message ‘a hug for you’ along with candle and some matches, this part she doesn’t quite get, so she decides to read the rest of Bernie’s letter.

I guess that I don’t need to explain the chocolates they are pretty self-explanatory right, and when do you not like a good chocolate or two? The candle however I will explain, you always say how much you love the smell of my perfume when we hug, well, I had the candle made so that when you light it, it should match the smell of my perfume. I know it’s not quite the same as a physical hug for me but I hope it’s close enough for now. Hope that maybe it helps you miss me just a little bit less.

All My Love Bernie,

Your Big Macho Army Medic x

Serena lights the candle and the scent of Bernie really does fill the room. She spends a bit of time reading trying to take her mind off the worry and in the end, she falls asleep there on the sofa surrounded by her girlfriend.

It’s four days later that she finally hears from Bernie. She’d known Bernie was okay by the lack of communication from the army but that doesn’t mean that her heart doesn’t speed up when she catches sight of Bernie’s name on her phone screen. Even if she was blissfully asleep just seconds early.

“Hey,” she says breathlessly into the phone, desperate to hear Bernie’s voice in response.

“Hello Sweetheart,” and there it is. Utterly shattered but wholly Bernie. Serena has to wonder just how little sleep Bernie has been getting especially after the suicide bomb. “I hope I didn’t wake you, wanted to be sure I caught you before you needed to get ready for work.” Serena’s heart flutters at the fact Bernie, despite everything, remembers her shift pattern, that Serena often attaches to the e-blueys to make contact a little easier. And the fact that Bernie is worried about her when she’s had at least eight hours in a comfy bed make her heart swell, she really is the luckiest woman alive.

“You did,” she considered for a second lying but she can’t do it. Can’t lie to Bernie. “But it could have been 3am and you could have woken me, and I wouldn’t have cared if it meant I got to hear your voice like I am now.” And she just hopes Bernie can hear the smile in her voice because it’s currently threatening to split her face in half.

“How are you?” Bernie asks her gently, in a voice Serena knows is reserved just for her.

“I’m good, missing you like crazy. But all the better for hearing your voice.” It’s only as she says it that she realises Bernie has rung her and not Skyped her. Her sleep addled brain clearly not realising before. “No Skype today?”

Bernie sighs gently on the other end of the phone. “No, it’s the first bit of down time we’ve had since the incident.” And Serena knows what she’s referring to without clarification. “A couple of the younger lads just really needed to see a friendly face right now.” And Serena understands. It doesn’t mean Bernie doesn’t want to see her, doesn’t mean Bernie needs her any less than the boys need their family. But that Bernie is their Major and it’s her job to look out for their wellbeing, to ensure they stay emotionally as well as physically healthy. Understands that this is probably the furthest away from home the lads have been. Serena knows that Bernie has done this before, and while she knows it doesn’t make it easier per say, she knows Bernie has her own coping strategies to help her through.

“I love you.” Serena says in replies, to ensure Bernie knows she understands, that she gets it.

“I love you too, so much.” As Serena can hear the smile in Bernie’s voice, underneath the tiredness and she picture Bernie in her mind, smile reaching her very tired eyes at the thought of her.

“How are you?” She asks now, turning over and smiling at the picture of Bernie on her bedside table.

“I’m okay. Exhausted, aching, drained. We lost three of our men in the incident, so given the circumstances I don’t feel I have the right to complain.” Serena’s heart aches now with the need to wrap Bernie in her arms. She can’t, so instead she turns over and hugs Bernie’s pillow, breathes in deeply to smell her perfume, the one she insists on spraying there at least every other day.

“I love you,” Serena says again because she just needs Bernie to remember that above anything.

“I know and I love you too. How’s Jason?” Serena gets that the change in subject is Bernie’s way of telling her that she can’t talk about the loss anymore, that she just needs some positivity to help her through the day.

“He’s doing really well. Misses you like crazy, though I can’t say I blame him for that. He’s taken up almost all the space on the sky box, recording programs such as world’s strongest man and Mary Beard for you to watch together when you are home, God forbid I ever miss an episode of Jeremy Kyle and need to catch up.”

“You and I both know you can’t stand the programme so don’t even try that one.” They both laugh then, and it’s nice a little sense of normality while separated by three thousand miles. “I also think it’s sweet, tell Jason I am down for a few tv marathon sessions when I get home.”

“I will, though you can tell him in a letter too, right? You know he loves writing to you.”

“Of course, I just thought it might help him you know given the circumstances of this week if you told him before he receives my next letter. And that’s just another one of the reasons Serena loves Bernie, she accepts and understands Jason where so many others would never be willing to. It’s as she’s having this thought that Serena hears the muffled voice in the background of the phone call.

“I’ve got to go love,” Bernie says next. “Emergency being brought in, and I need to go make sure the team are ready. “Tell everyone on AAU that I said hello. Tell Jason the same and that I miss him. And most important of all I love you, I miss you so much and I’ll be back soon, remember that okay.”

“I love you too, and yes 116 days. Stay safe soldier.”

Serena has ended every Skype chat and letter in the same way. Knows Bernie can’t respond, can’t promise to come back safe, but she knows it’s an important sentiment. Serena hugs Bernie’s pillow again, tighter this time, allowing the scent to surround her before she gets up for the day. When she does pull herself out of bed five minutes later, her first job is to mark another day off the calendar, a day closer to having Bernie back in her arms.

“116 days.” She whispers.

[westofwonder]

Pull List (09/06/2023)

Birds of Prey #1 Blue Beetle #1 Fantastic Four #11 Fire & Ice: Welcome to Smallville #1 Ghost Rider/Wolverine: Weapons of Vengeance Omega #1 Immortal X-Men #15 Justice Society of America #6 Moon Knight #27 Poison Ivy #14 Shazam #3 Steelworks #4

Birds of Prey - I am excited to see a Birds of Prey ongoing even if it has to deal with the Harley Quinn of it all. Not too enthused she's here, but nobody said this team is permanent; I mean it's a given on how comics are made now but still - doesn't mean permanent. And I thought Zealot originally was going to be a hard sell. I do think Romero is what is going to sell this book, too. And I do think Thompson can deliver, but still a bit anxious on how "funny" characters are gonna come off as being. And if that's my only worry, I think we are in good hands. Full steam ahead!

Blue Beetle - Glance through the issue and I am liking what I am seeing. Jaime being in college makes me feel so old. I liked the movie and I want Blue Beetle things to succeed and be good. I am on board.

Fantastic Four - Need to catch up, but most of it seems solid. When I read multiple issues in the future in one sitting it isn't going to aggravate me like the Sl*tt run

Fire & Ice - I saw someone say something derisive about this comic, but that'll be hard to say until I read it. Gave me a conniption, too. I have little knowledge about these characters other than frequent background appearances and they were on JLI. JLI: a run I think get's overhyped. I can change my mind though. I mean - this run is called Welcome to Smallville - it's not going to break the bank. DC is doing this miniseries to see if there is any interest in characters like Fire & Ice. If it's good - that great. If it's not good - it'll be remembered sparingly. I'm hoping for good.

Ghost Rider/Wolverine - This event did exactly what it needed to do. I would buy and read it again.

Immortal X-Men - SELENE! Like FF, I need to catch up.

JSA - I was listening to a podcast talking about last issue, and certain things were brought up about characterization and plots. I think Johns is just wasting our time, and that's not him just trying to introduce a new (Prime Earth) Helena Wayne. If I remember to, I'll make a separate post about it. I'm always mellow on this series and I don't look forward to it like I want to. I am putting more into trying to like it than I should.

Moon Knight - That cover is so generic and I never comment on how covers are. Ramping up to be the end soon, wonder that'll mean.

Poison Ivy - Skimmed through, thought the Bloom guy was going to be in it. Glad Takara is still sticking around on interiors - gives this book a consistent look.

Shazam - I completely forgot I read issue number two because that was two months ago. Like what's happening here so far. Sanchez on colors is a nice difference from what Bonvillain is doing on World's Finest. They're both good and add to Mora's art. Thumbs up.

Steelworks - Glad Steel and family got the focus. I hope DC keeps pushing him and giving him a spotlight.

Had more to say this week - thought about more than I usually do. I do have more to say about JSA, but then nothing really at all. Would be nice if it was about the JSA and not a way for Johns to introduce a new Huntress. I said this above, but this needs repeating. The dude took forever in a twelve-issue maxiseries.

If I see Detective Chimp I'm going to yell!

Happy readings!

[moonbiscuitsims]

Lizzeh and Bab Part 1

Part 2 (vacation pics and their children) is here

Found these cute old screenshots (therefore not taken with SRWE and not as great quality) of Eliza and Bob Pancakes and since I've been sick and don't have much energy to play the game I thought I'd share them.

Bob, casually watering the plants with his depression tears.

JUDITH WARD omg you are so terrible stop existing in areas where celebrities do not go I hate you just leave ffs

Another poor sim of mine passed out on Bob's head, but they used their therapy skills to religiously ignore her and not give a Glarn.

This is when they went to the Festival of Romance together &lt;3

Bob makes Eliza pancakes all the time, of course.

Remember don't leave fireplaces on IRL while you sleep.

I just don't get why people hate them they're so cute. In my mind Eliza is checking in with Bob, maybe a little artificially but he can see she is trying.

So back when Growing Together came out I mean way after because it basically broke my game for over a month which is the whole reason I went back to TS2 and TS3 in the first place I literally had never touched Bob or Eliza even though I know they're well known sims 4 premades. Tbh I had never touched sims 4 premades 😂 anyway all I had ever heard about this couple was that they were a really bad couple and hate each other, often paired with especially negative comments towards Eliza, like "Eliza is a b***h" well, upon observing their home it looked to me a lot more like Bob suffered from depression, not just that he's a lazy husband or that Eliza is a b***h. Also their relationship really isn't that bad when you start so while they naturally are opposites that doesn't necessarily mean it had to be bad. So I gave them a new narrative. Bob was depressed (maybe capitalism, maybe feeling inferior or impostor syndrome, maybe it was just a chemical thing) and Eliza didn't really have the skills or understanding to help him. She isn't really an emotional person and doesn't find hard work or motivation difficult at all, so she wasn't the most supportive while he lazed about and did nothing at home. But they both decided to get couples counselling when Bob started to sleep in the other room and not leave for days; and for Bob to go to therapy separately upon the recommendation of their counsellor. Eliza learned more about mental health and how to be more sensitive and a supportive partner for Bob, while Bob learned how to rely less on Eliza and pick himself up. He started his own little pancake business (I used RGeetect's awesome build for this) and slowly became more involved in household chores. In the end I made them basically a perfect (perhaps a little too perfect) power couple. I think they deserved better. Eliza is following her ambitions to become an author and blogger and of course they have become adorable little parents.

[idontgetpaidenoughforthisshit]

Has anyone else ever had their ages guessed horribly wrong?

I was at placement yesterday (at the hospital) and a man walks in to visit his grandma. I’m chatting to her to keep calm because it was quiet and she needed encouragement to eat more.

He chats to me and I think he might be flirting especially when he mentioned something about my age, so I asked how old he thought I was.

EARLY TO MID THIRTIES

I am 20. I haven’t even been 20 for a month yet and this motherfucker adds on 10+ years?!

Literally, I know I’m stressed, but I look THAT much older?!

This isn’t even the first time! When I was in sixth form (3-4 years ago) I had bratty year 8s call me “miss” and think I was a teacher when I was 17.

I was telling my classmates today and one of them leans in, says I look older than I am, has to be reminded about my age (like ffs you’ve known me 2 years and we haven’t seen each other in a week which has somehow made you forget my age. What?) and says I look about 23-24.

Clearly this is over for me. I am forever doomed to look middle aged from sheer fucking stress.