#fertility stuff

[thudworm]

I swear to fuck, if the fertility clinic messes up my prescription for another month I'll lose my goddamn shit.

context under the cut just so I can get it off my chest

I have been trying, and failing, to get pregnant since 2017.

In 2018 I asked the doctor to send me for tests for PCOS, because in addition to the not getting pregnant I had a bunch of other symptoms that indicated something wasn't right with my reproductive system. He was reluctant, said he doubted I had it but would do the referal if I really wanted it. Results said I apparently didn't, but he gave zero shits about investigating things further. Told me to try losing weight about it and to come back in a year if I still wasn't pregnant, because only *then* would he consider doing his damn job.

I didn't go back in 2019, because it was the end-of-year busy season at my supermarket job, and I figured it would be easier to schedule appointments around my roster when things calmed down in the new year.

AKA 2020.

Obviously that derailed plans majorly, and even after things went back to """"normal"""" I put off going back because medical misogyny was just something I was not capable of dealing with at that point. Until the horrendous PMS symptoms overrode everything else *and* a specialist women's clinic was available, so I could hope to be taken seriously. And I was- that doctor was great about actually listening to me. Lo and behold, I do have PCOS!

The fertility meds I've been on have been, quite frankly, miraculous in terms of managing the PMS symptoms, even though they haven't achieved their goal of getting me pregnant. Except they can't do that when I can't take them because of clinic fuckery.

Last cycle, without meds, I had a solid month of PMS. And when it comes to PMS symptoms, you name it I get it. Digestive disturbance more severe than some bouts of gastro (norovirus).Bloating, cramps, joint pain, back pain, breast tenderness, headaches/migraines. Mood swings. Vivid, often disturbing, dreams. Food cravings that are stronger than the lack of appetite my other meds cause, which is really saying something.

This cycle, still without meds, I had menstrual bleeding that lasted 16 days. I'm not interested in finding out what the next fun surprise my body will throw at me if I don't get the meds again. Probably an ovarian cyst, because I suspect I've had one previously that was never diagnosed, and it seems like it might be making a comeback.

[passionfish11]

It is so annoying that every single step of seeking to get pregnant I have to re-explain that I’m single, that there’s no sex involved anywhere in the process on purpose. It’s minor, really, but like.

The ovulation tracking app sends me notifications like “have sex now to get pregnant!” and I can’t find anywhere in the app to opt out of them. Sex is irrelevant for me! And for lots of other people trying to get pregnant too!

Someone at the fertility clinic messaged me with a list of prices for services since my insurance doesn’t have great coverage for fertility services, but the list didn’t include IUI. When I asked for the price for IUI, their response was “it’s x for you and y for your partner” and if I had never been there before, okay, fine, but I *have* been there, and I *know* that information is in my chart.

It’s not a big deal but it is *very* annoying.

[figmentforms]

I can’t update for a week or two. I really tried, but my IVF drugs are really interacting intensely with my brain and my body and all I can do is keep up with my self injections each day and suppress panic attacks by constantly distracting myself.

Good news is that, despite the fact that I constantly feel like a cat that has fallen into a bathtub of ice water and fire, the treatment is working (a little TOO WELL) so far and hopefully the egg retrieval surgery will happen a little sooner than expected and produce a big enough clutch of eggs that I NEVER have to do this again. 🙏🙏🙏🍀🍀🍀

Other Good news is that now I’m no longer terrified of needles. Now I’m just moderately frightened. That’s legit a win and I’m proud of that.😎😎😎😎💪

So in conclusion I HATE FEELING EVERY FEELING AT ONCE SO HARD I feel absolutely out of my freaking mind and I’m in pain and swollen and and I’m constantly freaking out and omg I can’t wait to get OFF this ‘journey’.

It’s ok to laugh at me because honestly i feel like this is so terrible it’s hilarious and laughing about it actually makes me feel better about it.

Love you all so much! Thank you all for your kindness🩷

[lavendermin]

Please don't leave us hanging from the Jing yuan drabble I'm afraid you awoken something in me (take your time also take good care of yourself 💖💯💯)

If you mean the little drabble of jing yuan being told he’s going to have 8 kids in the future, I have soooo many thoughts I’m trying to put together. He makes me insane, anon 🫠💗💗💗

a continuation based off this post below

cw | pregnancy, breeding kink, fem reader

Needless to say the words linger in his mind for the rest of the day. They play over and over in Jing Yuan’s head. He needs to process them, but what’s there to process?

Coming from the Master Diviner of all people, it was a prominent future she saw. It tells him two things: one, Fu Xuan has been checking up on him (this one is her job actually) and two, he’ll be quite busy with his spouse soon.

How soon? Jing yuan can’t help but wonder. And he didn’t want to pry with Fu Xuan. Best not to give her the upper hand with something to tease him with.

“Something on your mind, love?” Your question brings him out of his pondering. He takes a seat on the couch next to you, a quiet sigh leaving his lips as he sinks into the plush comfort.

“Just a few things I have to do.” His reply is vague and the smug smile he wears makes you raise a brow.

You shuffle over to straddle his thighs, nimble hands working into his tense shoulders.

“A lot of work recently? Will you be busier?”

He chuckles, closing his eyes to relish the attention you give him.

“Mm. Something along those lines.”

“Want me to run a bath for us?”

His hands absentmindedly settle on your hips. “A little later. Haven’t even kissed my wife yet.”

You can’t help but smile with a little roll of your eyes, easily giving in and placing a peck to his lips. It’s chaste and loving—a sincere ‘welcome home’. But as Jing Yuan chases your lips, it’s clear there’s something more he’s after.

You pull away breathless, a string of saliva connecting you both. It’s a little obscene, even for him. “J-Jing–”

He cuts you off as his lips slot over yours again, his tongue pushing into your mouth greedily. This kind of possessiveness was rare with him. It lit a fire in your belly when he got like this. But…

“Jing Yuan– Wait,” you lightly push him off you. His lips continue to feverishly press kisses to your jaw and neck. A sharp gasp leaves you as his hands start to slowly grind you back and forth on his thigh. “L-Love, I’m ovulating. We can’t– It’s too risky.”

It wasn’t like him to be this lost to reason. A rumble akin to a growl leaves him as soon as you mention it. By now your neck is littered in marks he’s sucked to the delicate skin there. Jing Yuan is breathless as he uses all the resolve he has left to stop, his breath hot against your bare chest where he was already pulling down your top.

You can’t help looking at him with concern. In an instant, he looks up at you with composure back under rein. His smile is sweet, devilish as it hides the insatiable hunger that’s growing at an alarming rate.

“All the more reason to make love to my precious wife, wouldn’t you say?”

With the opportunity presented to himself and the tangible future of his wife, lovely and pregnant, he thinks himself a fool not to start now.

You chuckle at first, assuming it’s some of Jing Yuan’s usual teasing. But as his eyes lock with yours, unwavering and pupils blown wide with lust as his arms press you further against his broad body, it dawns on you that he’s completely serious.

“You– We,” you stutter as you feel your core throb with a surge of need. Damn those hormones during your ovulation. In a small, shaky voice you ask, “I thought you said you wanted to wait until you retired… Do you really want to try for a baby?”

There’s a glimmer in your eyes, chest tight with a flood of different emotions. Anticipation, unabashed lust, adoration.

Jing Yuan responds with a chuckle, opting to gently pull your face for a kiss. This one is only a light simmer of the ardent need he has to breed you until dawn.

“If you’re agreeable, of course. There’s a saying from a few star systems down that says life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans. I’ve already made you my wife, I’d love to also make you a mother.”

The bright smile that breaks on your face is all the answer he needs as you pull his face in to litter kisses all over his face, ending by going in for a kiss that leaves him smiling like an idiot. Your idiot.

Jing Yuan has no plans to retire soon, but officially starting his family rejuvenated his resolve to continue as general for a while longer. There was still work to be done to keep the Xianzhou safe and ensure the era of peace continues for his children. He’ll have to thank Fu Xuan later for the slip of her tongue.

And it’s no surprise that making love to you for the next few consecutive days proves fruitful a couple weeks later.

Gossip and rumor spreads fast, especially with Jing Yuan being general of the Luofu. He’s constantly in the eye of the public. Once your tummy starts showing a bit more, he can’t help but stroll around proudly with you by his side—his hand protectively on your belly whenever he can. The people call your pregnancy a sign of abundant good luck, an omen for exceptional good to come in the future. Likewise, Jing Yuan is positively over the moon as a soon-to-be-father.

He can’t wait to hold his twin girls in a few months.

And after that, he can breed you again. And again. And again. It’s in his future, after all.

[royaltea000]

He’s like the worlds shittiest Madonna to me

[gomzdrawfr]

Does this help

Fantastic, I want 5 of the balls one

[hometoursandotherstuff]

And, this is what it picked for me, I must question the wisdom of that stupid egg.

[zesty-alt]

Actually find it so hot that it's the pregnant one's fertility that determines if there's multiples

[mirrorcatcreditcard]

That urge within me to make a interaction that goes:

"Phagocytes are so weird."

"Did you just call me a faggot?"

"We're dating."

"Your unhinged gay ass just called a deranged gay ass weird."

"PHAGO-CYTE."

"Yeah, I'm one of those. What about it?"

[bleachbleachbleach]

Bleach Fanfic: Stories for the Sea

⟢ Chapter 6: Akon

Summary: Akon can tell a hell of a campfire story.

“Why do we know about their oceans?” asks Hisagi.   “Because humans die at sea. Did you know that Hiyosu can scuba dive? Aside from that, though, if you’re only interested in the pure physics of the thing, the Living World tends to be a pretty decent test case for ocean research. Fewer variables, because the reishi’s so thin, which means there’s math you can actually do that holds up from test to test. Gravity’s always the same, the moon and shit are actually moving in predictable ways. It’s not like that here.”   “What do you mean?” Hisagi, again.   Akon sighs. “Have you seen our moon?”

Read Chapter 6 ⟢ Start from Chapter 1 ⟢ Tumblr Masterlist

Summary: The Shiba Clan have always acted as peacebrokers between Soul Society and the sea in West Rukongai. After the Blood War, the Gotei must prove that they are still worthy of peace. But since Shiba Kaien is dead, Rukia’s the next best thing. The problem is, now Ukitake is gone, too, and Rukia doesn’t think she’s ready to carry Kaien’s memory alone. 

No one’s ready. Not the Vizard, as the reality of re-joining the Gotei begins to clamp down; not the 10th, which has its own debts to West Rukongai; and not Renji, who’s pretty sure he is. The most deadly threats may not be the monsters lurking in the woods and water, but the damage they’ve all brought with them. One thing that’s certain: Six months after the end of a war, you have not reached the end of the war. 

ft. Rukia, Renji, Matsumoto, Hitsugaya, Kensei, Rose, Hisagi; Hinamori, Kira, (Kaien)

[vaguely-concerned]

obsessed with what we're meant to read out of rook's expression when taash starts to walk away in this scene. it feels like such an emotionally dense response from them, especially since they've only known taash or anyone else involved in these scenes for all of five minutes

sorry about the abysmal gif quality one day I'll learn how to make gifs properly yet that day is not today. but hello. rook. rook hello. what is this about. what's up with that. what are you thinking about. (also taash seeing that reaction and turning around to clarify that it IS what they wanted before they leave because they're upset, not unkind. aww.)

also flashback to this set of expressions rook makes later on, after the fangscorcher fight, if rook tells taash they're actually a lot like them beneath it all. taash apparently just consistently brings out some very tender rueful rook faces I guess haha

[thepleasuregoblin]

It's funny that I waited so long to properly get into Runequest (mostly due to a sort of edition paralysis) because it's so extremely My Shit

[shame-kink]

the misbegotten are sooo underrated its insane

[y-rhywbeth2]

Things Lolthite dogma demands at least one death for:

Praying to her

Not worshipping Lolth

Not following her dogma faithfully enough

Following her dogma to the letter

Daring to question a single word of dogma or the command of a priestess

Loving somebody

Killing or harming spiders

Being born amab when your parents already have two of those.

Existing whenever the whim takes Lolth and she decides it'd be funny to see you get murdered. Like, she spins a wheel and the options are stuff like "make into chosen", "kill", "turn into a drider". What are you going to get? Who knows!

She basically just wants to watch the Hunger Games 24/7.

"The Spider Queen is the subject of terrifying legend among most surface dwellers and seen as virtually synonymous with the greatly feared drow. In the Underdark, she is a well-known evil, hated for the cruel power of her priests by dwarves, svirfneblin, and other races. Few elves are even willing to dis- cuss their deep-dwelling kin, let alone the dark goddess who is blamed in large part for their depravity and for leading them into evil. Only the dark elven priests of Eilistraee are even willing to discuss the Spider Queen, and their fury at her enslavement of their kin exceeds even that of the other elven subraces. Lolth is hated and feared even by her most devout priests; they vener- ate her for the power she provides, not out of any sense of affection or loyalty or principles."

If you're making this shit legal, you have no grounds to be complaining about Bhaal.

But Baldur's Gate prides itself on its tolerance of everyone and everything, so they allow both of them and just tell them to keep the murders directed at people who are easy to sweep under the rug!

Between this and how insanely entrenched and empowered the police force is, nobody should be surprised that Gortash managed to take over and start installing a police state: you handed the city over to Bane on a silver plater.

[koifrog]

I’m approaching 27 which means that we are now in this unexpected period of life where we need to replace all of our “good enough for now” things that we got super cheap (or free from family) when we first started living on our own. I am realizing that it is VERY difficult to get rid of things, not just from an emotional attachment standpoint but also:

“Well it technically DOES still work even if it’s unpleasant and falling apart” (especially applicable to ugly/uncomfortable furniture)

“We don’t have to get rid of it, we can always repair it” (it is literally broken and falling apart)

“Wouldn’t it be Bad and Consumeristic to just throw something away that isn’t actually broken just because I want a new one?” (this one plagues me)

“Getting a New Thing would be way too expensive” (hasn’t even checked the price of a replacement, I absolutely can afford it but it would cost more than $50)

Even when I’ve fought through those arguments (which is very hard to do considering these are things I learned while growing up during the 2008 recession and struggling financially due to severe illness and death in the family when I was young) and come out the other side determined to actually replace something, a new issue arises. “How am I going to get rid of the old thing?”

“I can’t donate this because it’s broken or stained”

“I want to sell this but this requires a lot of energy that I don’t have (photographing the item, pricing the item, posting an ad for the item, sorting through offers for the item, arranging pickup for the item, possibly even shipping the item)”

“I want to throw this away but it’s too large to put in the garbage so it must go on the curb and I don’t know the protocol for that”

“I want to throw this away but it’s too large to put in the garbage and too broken to give away so it must go to the dump and I don’t have a vehicle I can use to take this there so I will need to reach out to family for help”

“I want to throw this away but I’m not sure how to do so in an Environmentally Friendly way”

This sort of situation is a nightmare for my mentally ill mind, and it results in me simply giving up and putting up with keeping the shitty item I know I want to replace and repeating the same excuses to myself to justify it enough that I don’t break down in frustrated tears every time I look at the thing I’ve been wanting to get rid of for months.

I’m sick of it though. I am tired of having to put up with being stuck with something I don’t like just because it’s not “bad enough” to justify going through the stress of removing from my life. I am tired of living with these things that I want to get rid of taking up the space I want to give to something new that I do love that I picked out myself on purpose. I am tired of my own happiness not being a good enough reason to justify doing something difficult or inconvenient. I am approaching 30. I don’t want to live the next decade of my life like I’ve lived the first two, just dealing with what’s been given to me and not saying no, incapable of removing things I don’t like to make space for things I do.

[aha-chuu]

Today's controversial post is that Dan Heng isn't interesting on his own. Like his whole thing is avoidance and "amnesia" and he's fun when he's making quips with March and Trailblazer, but the actual meat of his character is Dan Feng stuff. Dan Heng's entire characterisation is framed around somebody else, but since Dan Heng refuses to interact with that concept he just totally falls flat.

And, yes, refusing his past life is ~something~. But that doesn't work in this context, because hsr hasn't aptly set up DH's individualism outside of DF. His past (even in his current life) is entrenched in DF's actions; landing him exiled and pursued by Blade, eventually escaping to the Express. But DH has sunk so far into avoidance that he's literally like "this has nothing to do with me" when during his current life he's been dealing with this! Dealing with DF's bullshit is his main conflict, and so the DH characterisation can't hold up to him ever actually separating from it.

And because of this, as a player we know that DH can't actually let go of DF, because it wouldn't be interesting. It's not that DF is the only interesting thing about him, it's that DF is the only thing about him! So watching him struggle against this and refuse DF is like... "Okay, but get on with it."

And this is also why Blade actually works as a character, because he is tragically aware of the fact that he cannot escape his past - the sins are him and he's him and that's a flesh prison he's not escaping.

DH only works in one of two ways:

Like how we saw him in Belobog, where the whole characterisation is that he has a mysterious past that he's trying to escape. That is interesting by virtue of being vague.

Since we can never go back to that characterisation, DH has to embrace that he was DF and that he's stuck with that.

It does not help that all the info on DF frames his personality as much stronger than DH's, who is reserved purposefully in opposition to the past life that got him in so much trouble. And again, this would be cool and could be cool, but himself is so staunchly against the connection and keeps brushing off any mention of it, to the point that it's like "yes ofc Blade is pissed with you! I am too!"

And ik some people think that DH rejecting DF is interesting and it is a whole dynamic that's a strong enough foundation to build DH's characterisation upon. But then the story has to acknowledge that DH is really nothing without that past, and considering March and the Trailblazer's amnesia having pretty much already well-tread the "person without a past" Thing™, the only intriguing thing to do with DH is have him embrace that he doesn't have the luxury to follow suit.