#fellow monster fans where you at

[athina-blaine]

if you're so straight why are you, a man, promising to share a meal with another man as both a fraught goodbye and, if it were up to you, a future hello

[undercover-bun-etc]

My brain created an entire gacha game for my dream last night and honestly I'm sad it's not real.

[ozzgin]

Heheheh, what about a human streamer in a world of monsters?The main mystery is how quickly loyal and excited monster fans will be able to persuade Reader to start making 18+ content ----🧥

I don’t know much about the concept itself, but this reminds me a little of a chapter from Suicide Boy.

You decide to use one of those streaming websites for human food mukbangs. You don’t have high hopes for anything, you just want a little company while eating because monster realm has been rather lonely. Who knows, maybe this way you’ll even find other fellow humans.

The channel has a slow start. There’s the occasional curious passerby, and the loyal handful. You enjoy the quiet, idle chatter with your small following.

“Nice costume, how did you make it?” you mumble, staring at one of the messages you received from a new viewer. “I’m sorry, I don’t understand you. I’m not wearing any costume.”

You can almost feel a subtle change. The chatroom goes quiet for a tense minute, as if the monsters are weighing your statement and its implication. Unbeknownst to you, there’s multiple posts being published about a genuine human streamer who’s now been discovered.

The next day, you stare at the number of viewers in disbelief. Where did all these monsters come from?

“Can I send you monster food to try?” One viewer writes.

“Where’s the tipping option?”

“Can you prove this isn’t a costume? We can tell if you take your clothes off.”

You read as your original followers furiously argue with the newcomers, citing your dignity. “(Y/N) doesn’t need to prove anything to you”, they conclude with solemnity. They reassure you, in private, that you can choose to post whatever you want, and they will support you regardless.

What a mess. Your eyes scan the offers, from innocent suggestions to downright shameless proposals. And they keep pouring in.

What next?

[More Monster Streaming] | [Monster Masterlist]

[5sospenguinqueen]

Team Betrayal | Red Bull! Reader x Platonic! Grid

Summary: Y/N Y/L/N races for Red Bull but when she's caught out drinking another brand, she enacts her revenge until the Grid outs her snitched.

Apologies but this is a female reader.

Warning: Bad writing. I'm not sure what this is but it was prompted between an energy drink dilemma I had the other day.

There is no timeline for this. Make it up.

Main Masterlist.

━━━━━━ ༻𖥸༺ ━━━━━━

Swiping away the sweat that ran down the back of her neck, Y/N grinned at the camera, drinking in the euphoric energy enveloping her on all sides.

"Thank you for joining us after such a long day." The interviewer beamed, pleased to have been able to catch the Red Bull racer before debrief started. "How're you feeling? You look absolutely drenched."

"Yes. Max thought he was funny tipping the entire can of Red Bull over my head. I'll wash my hair three times and still go home smelling of the stuff." Y/N joked, dabbing the drop of sticky liquid rolling down her forehead.

Pleased that the conversation had naturally developed down that path, the interviewer smirked at the camera before turning their attention back to you. "So, you've been driving for Red Bull for 2 years now? Is it safe to say you're also a big fan of the drink?"

She laughed nervously, unsure why such an odd question was being asked after a Grand Prix. Usually the media used this opportunity to ask how she felt about losing/her teammate winning. Again. "Who isn't?" Y/N joked.

Whipping out her phone, the interviewer (dressed in traitorous McLaren orange) thrust it in front of her face. The grin from Y/N's face instantly dropped as she squinted against the blinding sun. Disbelief painted her face.

"Where did you get that? That's actually me!"

"One of your fellow racers provided it earlier." The interviewer informed, tucking away the damning photo of Y/N drinking a can of Monster Energy, dressed in her Red Bull racing suit and attempting to hide her behaviour behind a laughing Lando Norris.

"Who?!"

"I'm afraid we're not at liberty to say. We promised confidentiality in favour of the photo," teased the interviewer.

"That's my face." Y/N's eyes darkened challengingly. She leaned into the microphone, staring down the camera. "In that case, those boys won't know a moment of peace until I get my answer."

She straightened just as soon after, smile flickering back into place as she heard her name being called. "Oops, I was meant to be in debrief a minute again. Thanks for talking to me. Catch you later!"

"Thank you for your time." The interviewer called after the retreating navy figure. She turned back to the camera. "Ladies and Gentleman, I think it's safe to say that Y/N Y/L/N is as ferocious off the track as she is on it. I don't know about you but I would not want to be a member of the Grid this evening."

━━━━━━ ༻𖥸༺ ━━━━━━

The interview went viral.

YourUserName this you? (She retweeted with a pic of Lando wearing a Monster Energy hat, a can of Red Bull in hand)

→ LandoNorris no.

User 1 not Lando deliberately lying about his own face

User 2 oh, no. Lando. What have you started?

User 3 not me checking my phone every 2 seconds to see if Y/N has posted after she vowed vengence.

→ Your User Name 👀👀

User 4 don't drag poor Maxie into this. He's always seen drinking Red Bull.

User 5 she never was good enough for the team, hope they drop her after this.

User 6 may as well just go to McLaren with how much time she spends with them.

OscarPiastri just a warning. I can hear her laughing evilly next door.

YourUserName so just to clear a few things up. I have never bought a Monster Energy in my life.

YourUse Name i am always supplied with them by people who are attempting to remain innocent in this scandal.

PierreGASLY yeah, well. My shoes are cleaner than yours so...

→ LandoNorris you sure showed her.

User 7 not the Grid coming for my girl only to end up fighting for their lives.

User 8 coming for his teammate

User 9 not the whole Grid teasing her for betraying Red Bull

User 10 always knew Max didn't like them. This just confirms

YourUserName not you too. You said you had my back

→ Max33Verstappen this is why you didn't get on the podium

Max33Verstappen not my babies?!

→ YourUserName i may not have a podium but I do have your cats.

→ Charles_Leclerc you're making this worse for yourself

→ YourUserName watch out or Leo's next

→ Charles_Leclerc *horrified gasp*

User 11 alex fighting for his innocence.

User 12 the Grid are feeding us tonight.

User 13 what's the odds that they're fighting for their lives in the gc?

User 14 bet they're compiling a list of times they gave her Monster

→ User 15 trying to figure out who might be next

User we found the snitch

User 2 anyone else see Red Bull lurking in the likes?

LandoNorris @ danielricciardo this is why she didn't respond

Max33Verstappen daniel's currently crying.

redbullracing christian said you have a meeting with PR tomorrow.

→ YourUserName crap.

User 3 can we take a moment to appreciate all the Grid content we got this evening?

→ User 4 and look at how quick Y/N's responses were. Boo was ready for them.

→ User 5 what are the odds they were all sitting next to their phones, terrified every time it buzzed

→ lilymhe can confirm.

[theresattrpgforthat]

hi! have you seen the TTRPGS for Palestine bundle yet? and do you have any recommendations from it

https://tiltify.com/@jesthehuman/ttrpgs-for-palestine

THEME: TTRPGS for Palestine

The TTRPGs for Palestine Bundle is going from April 12 to May 7, so there's not much time left to get it, but here's some recommendations of some really awesome games that you can find in it.

Gubat Banwa, by makapatag.

GUBAT BANWA is a Martial Arts Tactics and War Drama Tabletop RPG where you play as martial artists poised to change the world: Kadungganan: the cavalry, the wandering swordsmen, the tide turners, the knights-errant, the ones to call in darkest night in a world inspired and centering Southeast Asian folklore.

Witness, grand warriors, honorable gallants that trudge and toil under kings and haloes. Witness, KADUNGGANAN, that refulgent name. That blasted name: WITNESS NOW. The end of days is upon us: and the new world MUST BE BORN. Bear your blades, incant your magicks. Cut open your tomorrow from the womb of violence. Inscribe your name upon the very akasha of this world. 

Gubat Banwa is designed for fans of 4th edition D&D, with in-depth character abilities that make you feel both unique and powerful, in a colourful and flavourful world full of vibrant cultures and clashing conflicts. The game uses an action economy with different action options carrying different weights, which also reminds me quite a bit of Lancer. If you want a game that pushes you to strategize with your friends and weigh your advancement options carefully, you want Gubat Banwa.

Gun & Slinger, by Nevyn Holmes.

GUN&SLINGER is an RPG geared for short, episodic sessions about a weapon and a wanderer. A Maestro and two players (Gun and Slinger) set out into a dead planet mutated by a god's forgotten child and hunt strange bounties, investigate the world and unlock hidden powers. During play, they seek to learn the nature of what’s hunting the Slinger, figure out why the Gun is sentient and discover how the world died.

This game is specifically for three players, using the rules of Go Fish as a resolution system. Gun & Slinger is all about using your resources to the best of their ability, and your resources might exist on your character sheet, but they also exist as cards in your hand.

What really intrigues me is the lore that’s baked into your character sheets. One of you is a wanderer in a twisted world, tempted by strange powers that guarantee to change you into a monster. One of you is a sentient magical gun, borne by that wanderer and designed to deliver death and pain.

Gun & Slinger has expansions included, allowing you to instead play as a wanderer possessed by a demon, a mech and a pilot fused as one, or someone who bears a cursed sword. I think the fact that it requires a small table and the fact that the characters’ lives are tied together makes this a high-stakes, terribly intimate game.

Apocalypse Frame, by Binary Star Games.

In a ruined and terraformed world where most of humanity is under the yoke of a brutal regime, the former workers of a once-remote factory - now known as The Collective - have risen up to create a future of freedom from oppression. You are an Ace - a highly skilled pilot referred from a Division in The Collective and assigned a humanoid combat vehicle known as a Frame. You and your Strike Team of fellow Aces must take on The Collective’s greatest threats, ensure its survival, and carve a path for its continued success.

Apocalypse Frame takes mechs and fits them into the LUMEN system, which centres competency as well as fast but effective rounds of combat. The game includes a variety of different threats, allowing you to tailor your campaign to your group’s tastes, and the tailoring doesn’t stop there. You choose both a division that your character belongs to, and then one of three mechs within that division, allowing players to share similar fighting styles but differ in weapons. You can also modify your basic frame, adding general modular systems alongside systems and armaments that can come with your mech, making character creation and progression exciting for folks who love tweaking and tailoring to their heart’s content.

If you’re a fan of Armored Core or Battletech, you’ll want to check out Apocalypse Frame.

Here, There Be Monsters!, by wendi yu.

No matter what they tell you, there’s still weirdness and wonder everywhere. You just have to know where to look. At the edges and cracks of ‘normal’ life we exist, we persist, and we resist: the monsters, the magicians, the anomalies, the freaks, and the outcasts. We gather in the shadows, trying our best to live our lives in a world that, when it doesn’t exactly fear or hate us, doesn't even believe in our existence.

here, there, be monsters! is a rules-lite response to monster-hunting media from the monsters' point of view. It's both a love letter and a middle finger to stuff like Hellboy (and the BPRD), the SCP Foundation, the Men in Black, the World of Darkness games and the Urban Fantasy genre in general. It is an explicitly queer, antifascist and anti-capitalist game about the monstrous and the weird, in any flavor you want, not as something to be feared, but to be cherished and protected.

Here, There, Be Monsters is a love-letter to anyone who has been made to feel monstrous, as well as an homage to media such as Hellboy, the SCP Foundation, and Men in Black. It’s urban fantasy meets organized power structures, and as the monsters, you’re here to burn those structures down.

This game uses descriptive tags to slap onto your characters to represent what they can do. You can choose from a number of different monster character backgrounds to give you guidance towards, and there’s plenty of monsters both in the base game and in the game jam wendi ran back in 2022. If you want a game of power, anti-capitalism, and punching up, this is the game for you.

Pale Dot, by Devin Nelson.

Pale Dot is a collaborative storytelling game for 2-5 players about a crew of non-human cosmonauts leaving their planet to explore a strange solar system, finding threads to unravel the unknown along the way. It is fantastical, surreal, and perhaps very unlike humanity’s own ventures in space exploration. Though one thing is universal: leaving home is terrifying, dangerous, humbling, and a catalyst for changing one’s perspective. 

Pale Dot is a GM-less game where players work together to create an alien setting and subsequently envelop it in cosmic mystery, embodying cosmonauts called Dustlings, as well as one of 5 different settings. During their journey they will be able to travel to 24 different locations within their solar system, each with several prompts for improvisational scenes. Each player will also have to manage the integrity of their cosmonaut and their shared ship while avoiding space's many perils.

The cover for Pale Dot gripped me the first time I saw it; a tiny creature in an astronaut suit, looking up in fear at something in the sky, as vegetation blooms inside their helmet. You play as the Dustlings, non-human but sentient species exploring the Cosmos, a strange, horrifying and wonderful universe that changes those who venture into it.

Mechanically, Pale Dot uses a GM-less structure similar to Dream Askew, but there feels to be a much bigger emphasis on the setting your cosmonauts explore, rather than the cosmonauts themselves. Your characters are assembled traits, drives and equipment, almost all of which can be expended to cause or solve problems. Each player is also responsible for at least one setting element, such as The Cosmic Wilderness, The Wondrous Endeavour, or The Omnipresent Danger. As you visit locations, different elements will be prompted to influence the scene, while your cosmonauts try to navigate the scene and try to finish the mission. If you want a game that is collaborative and evocative, I definitely recommend Pale Dot.

Fractal Romance, by Ostrichmonkey Games.

A never ending abstract landscape of rhythm and soft glamour. Wander the halls, rooms, and chambers. Encounter strange Denizens and get to know them better; befriend them, fall in love, just chill. Try and fill out your own blurred edges. Fractal Romance is a tabletop role playing hangout. You will pick up a character to play and explore the Fractal Palace, generating its infinite sprawl and the Denizens that inhabit it, as you play.

Fractal Romance is all about searching; for something you need, something you want, or even for who you are. It feels rather surreal, perhaps like a dream dimension that you are moving through. The game uses a deck of cards to generate rooms, as well as the denizens of this gigantic, dream-like palace. This game uses rather simplistic playbooks, each asking you to choose three descriptive words, and then uses cards to fuel your character’s actions: you have things you can always do, things that cost a card to do, and things that you must do in order to draw another card.

If what you want out of a game is a chill time with friends, moving from one vibe to another, and generating emotional stories for your characters, you might want to check out Fractal Romance.

Himbos of Myth and Mettle, by huge boar.

You are big. Big arms, big tits, big thighs, big brai- you're big where it matters. In addition to a heaving, throbbing body, glistening lightly with a thin sheen of pleasantly fragrant perspirant, you have one singular unifying trait  - come hell or high water, you are going to help.

Himbos of Myth & Mettle is a high fantasy, high camp role playing game of epic proportions (of body), for 2-5 players, one of whom will act as Game Guide.  The rules center around a simple roll under mechanic and prioritize narrative flair and cinematic descriptions. Himbos is inspired by many classic fantasy properties (and could be considered OSR adjacent) , but leans towards a more garish, salacious and queer (gay or odd, pick your fighter) style of play. It is designed with comedy and flamboyance in mind, but is not without it deeper and darker touches. It's definitely not grimdark, but there will probably be blood. Think classic fantasy pulp in style, but contemporary sensibilities, modern rules-lite mechanics, and a player philosophy centred in helping, kindness and being fucking hot.

I’ve heard rave reviews for Himbos, and I think the idea of leading an entire group of well-meaning but possibly over-ambitious adventurers is a great set-up for a game full of laughs. Himbos is very much designed for a light-hearted evening of fun, flirting, and fucking up (but in the best way).

Other Games from the Bundle I've Recommended:

Space Taxi, and Creation Myths, by GothHoblin.

Caltrop Core, by Titanomachy.

Souvenirs, by Rémi Töötätä.

Thunder in Our Hearts, by Marn. S.

Eldritch Courts of Some Repute, by AlanofAllTrades.

[mintiicinnamonii]

Ok, so, idk if I missed the character limit so I'm sorry if it's too much, I also don't want to put any pressure on you either!

So! What if reader was half human half dragon? (I mean like, How to train your dragon kinda dragon)

Where they can either be human, half human/dragon (like, walking on their legs but being a bit taller than before, having scales instead of skin, wings and tail) and full dragon form (like toothless)

(I apologize if it's too complicated 😭)

Reader: gender neutral

Characters (romantic hc): Sun Wukong, Macaque and MK? (Maybe Mei Mei too if it's not pushing it)

Again, no pressure, and if it's too much I'll understand! Have a lovely day :D

Mei, MK, Wukong and Macaque with a dragon hybrid reader

(notes: MUAHAHAHAH YOU HAVE FED ME YOUNG ONE!! I didnt have much ideas but this was so fun!)

Mei

shes SOOO EXCITED

like?? a fellow dragon? a PRETTY ONE?!!

she asks if you breathe fire, and depending on your species you answer

you two go on joyrides in the sky <33

the second you transformed she was like 🫦

she is in AWE OF YOUUUU

she asks you so many questions about your species and you’re happy to answer them all

her fans think you’re a cosplayer 💀

she demands piggy back rides, and pulls your collar down to kiss you

”i love my tall partner”

she catches you hoarding gems and has a picture saved on her phone

her parents are like 🙌

you have asian parent approval congrats (im viet, so i should know)

—

MK

seductive monster x shy human real!!,

he was very intimidated at first, he thought you would eat him

but when you purr with your lil reptile noises hes SMITTEN

i hc that you pick him up and fly with him

hes happy he can relate to someone who can relate to having this animalistic side of their life

he blushes a lot. like.. you’re HELLA TALL and MK is probably short as hell so… add two and two together

you steal his stuff a lot and hoard it as treasure. he doesnt mind, as long as youre happy

you reach things on the top shelf for him. change my mind.

—

SWK

CUDDLE PILES!!!

you two fly in FFF together

SPIDERMAN/SKY KISSES BABYYYY

he thinks you look so graceful and pretty

you could kick his ass and he would say thank you

you spar with MK sometimes to help him and MK is FLABBERGASTED

imagine wukong getting into a stupid fight and you jsut swoop in and save him

he gives you as many treasures as possible for you to hoard

and when you’re in dragon form hes like 😳

mans thinking of situations. none of them are in the tripitaka/the buddhist bible

he tries to turn into a dragon, he cant do it

”sighhhhh i miss my tall pookie bear”

he leans on your shoulder

—

Macaque

he admires your strength, but not in the sense that Wukong does, more like respect and love

you go on nighttime flights together, its rlly relaxing

he pets you. fight me.

like dragon pookie = cat pookie

scratches, pets, distracting you with shiny things

you get rlly mad and then he just kisses you and youre like 😳

the only man that can calm you down

if you were dating before he joined the gang, POWER COUPLEEE

”hey babe ready to beat up wukongs student” “hold up lemme change firstttt”

he pulls you down with your collar to kiss you

hes still a massive flirt <33

i hc that you make little replite/cat sounds. the first time macaque heard them hes like “wait did you just”

he has teased you for it ever since

the dojo’s kinda small, so you have to duck to enter, and he literally CHANGED HIS DOOR so you can enter easily

[paymechildsupport]

Teacher!Ryomen Sukuna x Sorcerer!Reader // Teacher!Sukuna HC's <3

(THIS IS NOT STUDENT X TEACHER, READER IS NOT A STUDENT!)

Personally, I think it’s an actual crime there isn’t more teacher!sukuna content out there. I’ve only ever seen one fan art of it, and ever since I’ve been scrounging around on my hands and knees to find more

So m’ gonna just do it myself 🙏 

-!! [AFAB + AMAB] READER (HC’s involving reader’s bodily autonomy have both a female and male vers. → brief smut drabble at the end)    [everyone's in on this one👏]

-!! Reader is a rather powerful sorcerer 

-!! CW: Slight possessiveness (mainly for the short smut at the end → overstimulation, dacryphilia, slight size kink(?), mention of double cocks for og form Sukuna)

-!! Veeeery slight nod to manga spoiler if you squint. If you don’t know it 99% certain you won’t pick up on it

-!! Sukuna being a bit of a softy for his SO

3k+ words

————

————

Awhile (around a good few centuries) ago, Ryomen Sukuna came to the conclusion that no, this was in fact not the way he wanted to live his life. He decided to put everything behind him; the bloodshed, the death, the massacres, and cannibalisms— (okay maybe that stayed the same)— all the things that essentially made his staple as the King of Curses. He’s a changed curse, he swears it. Honestly? Human food? Not that bad. Kinda worth changing his world view for 

With a changed work ethic, and a changed heart, Ryomen Sukuna made the conscious decision to become a teacher, — specifically a teacher in sorcery

—————-

Ryomen Sukuna works at Jujutsu Tech,-- the infamous King of Curses, who predominantly spends most of his days helping ungrateful brats obtain the necessary skills to kill his kind

→”No, you thick-skinned brat, you’re doing it all wrong!”

    “I’m sorry, Sukuna-sensei! I’m trying,--.. I really am! Could you maybe go over it one more time–”

             “No! You’re going to die all alone as your friends are tortured mercilessly!”

“How could you say that…” 🥺 

Following the fateful passing of Yuji Itadori’s grandpa, the poor kid awakened as a sorcerer with a rather nasty supply of cursed energy; a complete abnormality with an aura suspiciously like that of a certain Ryomen Sukuna… 

→ “The little brat is not living with me” 

“Awh, c’mon Sukuna-!! The kid’s a ticking time bomb to disaster, he needs help controlling his cursed energy, and who better to help than the amazing King of Curses himself!” 

“Shut up, Satoru Gojo.” 

“Ohoho~... looks like someone isn’t happy to become a single mother~~” 

“What-!? Single moth– fool, you yourself are a single mother” 

“...oh, yeah. Hehe… 😚”

“I hate it here…😒”  

Now, with the additional burden of personally attending to Yuji Itadori, there was only one thing keeping Ryomen Sukuna from completely imploding: 

You. His partner, his lover, his spouse, his anchor,-- the only source of light in his miserable, cursed life, – the sole person keeping him from reverting back to his old, murderous ways. 

Meeting a few years back, the ancient curse could’ve sworn the world got a dozen shades lighter the second his eyes landed on your form in the Tokyo crowd. Where everyone was actively moving away from his looming, intimidating hulk of a body, you looked at him with eyes void of the fear reflected off so many others. 

You approached him with interest, recognizing his unmistakable aura for that of the King of Curses, – and, to his utmost shock, – you proceeded to have a perfectly normal, civilized conversation with him. Never once did you look at him like you would a monster. Every time he’d get lost in those eyes of yours, never once did he find anything short of pure love and affection. It was sickeningly sweet. 

There on a mission, you introduced yourself as a fellow Jujutsu Sorcerer. 

Ryomen Sukuna could’ve sworn he’d heard your name before: rather infamous with the higher-ups, you were a well-respected sorcerer. That only aided to his immense confusion: why would a sorcerer of such high esteem and all around regard even remotely think talking to him, the King of Curses, was a good idea? 

Absolutely flabbergasted and entranced from your first encounter, Ryomen Sukuna was practically completely at your mercy. It took very little for you to simply haul him over your shoulder and take him wherever; he’d soon become akin to a lost puppy with you. 

Ryomen Sukuna is absolutely down-horrendous with his emotions. Hah, communication? Never heard of her. 

He’s never felt this deep for anyone before, and it terrifies him to no end. You terrify him to no end,-- the amount of power you have over him could be almost comical. 

At the start, he flat out avoided you altogether. Anytime he’d see you on campus he’d immediately start in the opposite direction. Anytime you’d attempt to strike up a conversation something would come up,-- he’d have to go somewhere, or the brats had gotten themselves in trouble again. And when Satoru Gojo found out about his little “crush”...  oh boy, the teasing was lethal.

It wasn’t long before he craved your touch, and Ryomen Sukuna started to enter withdrawal from your presence. You were brutal, the poison continuously being pumped into his veins, – which was extra ironic, considering he was after all the King of Poisons, – how the actual hell did he end up in such a position? What have you done to him? 

Man, he was cooked. 

With a lot of time, and a heck of a lot of patience, did the curse finally allow himself to reveal more of himself to you. 

It’s never been easy, – even after you two were married did Ryomen Sukuna still suck absolute ass at communicating his wants. 

He craved your attention, your gaze, your approval. You were the drug that he simply couldn’t get enough of. 

He’s not good with words, – in the past everything was just handed to him, – he had no clue how to actually work for someone’s affection. 

Please be patient with him, – he’s trying, he really is 🥺. No matter how much he denies it, no matter how much he complains he hates being dependent on someone, no matter how much he claims how meaningless love is, you both know deep down these feelings of deep admiration and affection aren’t one sided. Sometimes, that fact alone can get you through even his most frustrating of times. He pushes you away because he feels guilty, but almost immediately does he regret his actions and desire your presence more than anything. The things you do to him 

He lost his original form centuries ago, abandoning it after his near fatal confrontation with the sorcerers of the Heian Era. Gravely wounded, he absolved to staying hidden, laying low in the shadows. Sometimes he wished he still had that form, – still had his four arms, his two faces– he felt stronger, prettier in that body. Despite how much you told him how beautiful his current, two-armed form was, he wonders if you would’ve liked his original form– what it could do, how it could please your body. (But most of all he missed his two massive cocks to shove deep inside you–)

Ryomen Sukuna is very insecure about his image as the feared “King of Curses”. He’d be seen as weak, like he’d gone soft, – if anyone found out about you. That did little to deter you from showering him with your affections though <3 Even if he struggled to receive such affections–:

“What the actual hell do you think you’re doing–” 

“What? Am I not allowed to visit my darling husband at his job?” 

“No- ..! Who exactly do you think you are, you can’t just waltz into wherever to embarrass me–” You were in an empty classroom in what would be the normal time for lunch. The students would be out eating, so it was only you and him.

“Is that really all you think I do? Embarrass you?” You fought to conceal the pained expression threatening to bubble up to the surface. 

“Yes! Do you know what they’ll think of me if they see me with you? He snaps angrily

“Are you.. Ashamed of me?” You blink 

“What-? No, of course not” His face contorts into a scowl 

“Then why can’t people see me with you?!” 

“That’s not what I meant–” He hisses 

“Yeah?” you retort, “then, what did you mean by that?” 

“I–....”  Ryomen Sukuna only ever seems to find himself short of words with you

Nodding curtly, “I’ll take my leave then” you make your way to the door 

“Wait-” you pause, he hated seeing you upset. It made him feel hopeless, it made him feel weak. “tsk, nevermind. Leave then” 

Huffing, you step out the door. Your second foot never even leaves the threshold before you’re lifted up by a pair of strong arms. 

“Gah-! Ryomen– what the hell?!” 

“Shut up.” the curse growls, placing you down on the nearest desk with a surprising gentleness, “just shut up.” He nuzzles his face into the crook of your neck

You smile, accustomed to his brazenness, knowing this was him succumbing to his own affections for you.

“I’ll be quieter next time.” 

“Mmm… don’t be”

“Oh?” you quirk an eyebrow, “are you no longer embarrassed of being seen with me?” 

“No,” he grumbles, “if any pathetic worm dares to utter something against me, I’ll cleave their head off” 

Chuckling, “charming”

“I’ll do it for you too” that part he whispers, so low you almost miss it. Almost. 

“Awh, you’d slaughter anyone putting dirt on my name? And they say romance is dead 🥰” 

“Shut the hell up.” 

-------------

Sukuna Ryomen would have a special ringer set for you in his phone so whenever you’d text him he’d know it was you 

He never responds to anyone’s texts,-- anyone’s that’s not yours. 

The second he hears that notification that man is immediately scrolling. It took him years to figure out how to work a telephone,-- and he still kinda sucks at it. So it takes him a while to respond, – he’s just a slow typer :) 

He’ll be in the middle of sparring with Yuji for his training when he’ll hear your notification and swiftly whip out his phone, – still in the middle of fighting. Poor Yuji will still be sweating his ass off trying his very diddly darn hardest to land a singular punch and he won't even glance up from his phone 😭

It doesn’t matter what he’s doing, – the guy could be in the middle of fighting a Special Grade and he’d start texting you about what he wants for dinner while simultaneously throwing slashes 😟

Not big on PDA, – but alone? Man, you can’t get the bastard off you, – blud’s clingier than a kitten 😭he just really likes being nice and snuggled up in your arms 

Alone, will often call you, – regardless of gender, – doll, (whore), sweetheart (if you’re not being a pain in the ass), – possessive lil’ shit and likes to add ‘my’ in front of any pet name, just to enforce the fact that you’re his. 

Calls you karasu –(Japanese word for raven) 

Sukuna Ryomen is incredibly picky with what he eats, (unless it’s your ass–)     – he needs his meals done in a very specific way, otherwise he’s just not eating. It needs to be your meals too. If bro forgets to bring lunch or you don’t have time to make one for him he just starves. He’s an absolute menace when hangry– super grumpy. None of the students can stand him hungry, – and he refuses to defile his delicate palette with fast food of all horrible things

You got some of those cute cookie cutters for sandwiches and gave him little star sandwiches one day for his lunch. Mans was over the fucking moon. His ass refuses to ever eat another sandwich again unless its cut into cute lil’ shapes 🤏🥺

Be careful if you ever decide to visit him at work after a certain amount of times, cuz he will make you useful: using you as a sparring partner, giving you chores, making an example out of you to the other students. 

You’re strong enough to hold your own against the King of Curses in a quick spar, – which really only means you won’t get immediately eviscerated upon throwing hands. 

You’re strong, but nowhere near as strong as Ryomen Sukuna. 

He’d only give you a cocky smirk, telling you to hurry up and lock in. You stare at the expecting faces of Megumi, Nobara and Yuji – who you naturally have grown a rather close bond to, being around each other so often. He gives you a reassuring thumbs up, smiling with an expectant glamor. You gulp, glancing back at your husband who has the most shit-eating grin on his face. Oh, you were cooked. 

You manage to successfully dodge at least two strong attacks before being thrown onto your ass, the wind knocked out of you. Huffing, you scramble up, irritation giving you newfound determination. The King only raises an eyebrow at you. 

You explode into a sprint, dashing up behind him, seemingly catching him off-guard. You lean in real close to his ear, whispering in a sultry tone: 

“Your shoelace is untied” 

“What, I’m not even wearing shoelaces–” and he gets thrown into the nearest tree, snapping it in half. 

“Hahah!!” 

“No way, Sukuna just got his ass handed to him!” Nobara exclaims, grinning

“That was so cool!” gushes Yuji, sending a wave of pride flowing through you at his excitement. 

It is short lived, as your husband comes up behind you, glaring with a burning passion in his eyes. 

“You totally beat him up, you sent him flying–” Megumi slaps a hand to Yuji’s mouth, his rambling getting choked off with a “mmph-!” 

His smile is laced with dynamite as Sukuna dismisses the students early. Confused, but mostly relieved, the trio scurry away, Nobara and Yuji shouting cheery goodbyes over their shoulders. 

Only you were close enough to see the raging lust in the King of Curse’s many eyes. His gaze rakes over your body, tensed in a fight or flight state, predatory. You swallow, hard, chuckling nervously, “Heheheh…”  

Oh man, you were so horribly, undoubtedly cooked. 

(short smut begins below line)

----------

[AFAB vers.]

Sukuna is brutal, hips smashing against yours, large hands gripping so hard large bruises start to form on your hips. You cry out, sobbing, pleading with him to slow the fuck down. Sukuna only clicks his tongue, condescension dripping from his tone, 

���Where’s all that confidence and strength from before, eh?” 

“h..*hic*..huh-?” 

“Tsk,” he grunts, slamming himself particularly hard into your leaking heat, causing you to scream in both pleasure and pain

“S..sukuna-!! P- *hic* please..-! I-..I can’t— I can’t– OHH~” You keel over, knees giving in from underneath you. You stay pressed firmly against the teacher’s desk– his desk–  in his empty classroom, – only being held by Sukuna’s deadly grip. “I-It *hic*.. It– HURTS..- *hic*” 

“You can,...  and. you. will.”  he punctuates each syllable with another unforgivable thrust, “You seemed confident enough you.. *pant* take me in a..- *pant* .. in a fight– fuck–” Warm cum swells, coating your insides white. 

Your eyes roll violently to the back of your head, thighs squeezing desperately against him, instinctively trying to milk him for all he’s got, – despite the excess cum already spilling from your abused hole, kept in only by Sukuna’s massive cock. Was this the fourth or the fifth time..? 

You lost count ages ago, numbers losing all sense of value along with everything else in your head, Sukuna absolutely fucking your goddamn brains out. Dumbed by his cock, you could only limply gaze dreamily through lidded eyes, a look of pure bliss on your face. 

Sukuna grins down at your fucked out face, admiring you as his masterpiece. You looked so pretty impaled on his cock. Pulling your head back by your hair, he smashes his lips onto yours in a sloppy kiss. You truly were the best thing to come of his long, cursed life. 

-------------

[AMAB vers.]

Sukuna is cruel, hips smashing against your ass, large hands gripping so hard large bruises start to form on your hips. He fucks you, bent over the desk, – his desk, in his empty classroom,-- and shaking like a pathetic mutt. You cry out, sobbing, pleading with him to slow the fuck down. Sukuna only clicks his tongue, condescension dripping from his tone, 

“Where’s all that confidence and strength from before, eh?” 

“h..*hic*..huh-?” 

“Tsk,” he grunts, large hand closing around your swollen, throbbing cock. Your eyes widen in horror as he begins to jerk you off at a grueling pace, causing you to scream in both pleasure and pain

“S..sukuna-!! P- *hic* please..-! I-..I can’t— I can’t– OHH~” You keel over, knees giving in from underneath you. You stay pressed firmly against the desk only held by Sukuna’s torso. “I-It *hic*.. It– HURTS..- *hic*” 

“You can,...  and. you. will.”  He punctuates each syllable with another unforgivable thrust, syncing with a violent pump to your cock, limpand emptied out. “You seemed confident enough you.. *pant* take me in a..- *pant* .. in a fight– fuck–” Warm cum swells, coating your insides white. 

Your eyes roll violently to the back of your head, thighs squeezing desperately against him, instinctively trying to milk him for all he’s got, – despite the excess cum already spilling from your abused hole, kept in only by Sukuna’s massive cock. You're so drained, already milked dry, a few meager squirts of cum dripping from your cock. Was this the fourth or the fifth time..? 

You lost count ages ago, numbers losing all sense of value along with everything else in your head, Sukuna absolutely fucking your goddamn brains out. Dumbed by his cock, you could only limply gaze dreamily through lidded eyes, the look of utter worship on your face enough for him to harden once again inside of you. 

Sukuna grins down at your fucked out face, admiring you as his masterpiece. You looked so pretty impaled on his cock. Pulling your head back by your hair, he smashes his lips onto yours in a sloppy kiss. You truly were the best thing to come of his tedious, damned life. 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sukuna brain-rot goes hard-!! He's such a goofy lil' guy, I love him :3

[jyoongim]

DANGEROUSLY IN LOVE

Word count 1.1k

”he’s a wolf in disguise

but I can’t stop staring in those evil eye

i asked my girlfriend if she’d seen you ‘round before

she mumbled something while she got down on the floor

we’ve might have fucked, not really sure, don’t quite recall

but something tells me that I’ve seen him yeah

that boy is a monster”

alastor x burlesque!reader pt 1

An inaccurate southerner 1920 fic.

I am Black sooooo reader is black for the sake of this and so is Alastor cause that’s a black man idc idc idc fight a skunk.

Monster by lady Gaga really had my juices flowing

themes: Alastor himself is a warning,

violence,

alcohol use,

 drug use, 

nsfw, 

teasing, flirting, taunting, smut, 

banter, possessive/protective behavior  

You hummed a little tune as Mimzy finished doing your makeup and hair. 

Tonight was your first debut at the club and you were excited to be the opening act.

You ran your hands over the tight corset in an attempt to soothe the nervousness that was trying to settle in your belly. You adjusted the feathered headpiece as Mimzy finally finished everything with hairspray (why did set your makeup as well….oh well).

You were finishing up putting on your jewelry when you heard Mimzy gasped, you turned seeing her poking her head out to look out the door out to the growing crowd.

you fixed your lips to ask her what had her so shocked, when she twirled around, eyes wide and excited “He’s here! I can’t believe he here!”

You blinked, confused “who is here Mimzy? One of your little boy toys? Or someone you owe?”

she flipped you off before smirking “what you live under a rock doll? Him! Hell’s Stereo himself!”

Your eyes widened as you gawked “No way!” You ran over to the door to peep without people seeing you and your eyes settled on a lone red, lanky demon sitting at the bar. You couldn’t really see him well from where your dressing room but before you could crane your head out further, Mimzy pulled you back in

”You are suppose to be a surprise doll! Can’t let that lot get a eyeful without proper payment now can we?”

You soon forgot about the red demon as you primped a bit more, chatted with some of the other dancers, and laughed with Mimzy.

 The lights in the club had finally dimmed and Mimzy slapped you on the ass, leaving your dressing room “Knock ‘em dead doll!”

You took a deep breathe as you heard the band begin to play your song.

You straightened your back, and took on a composure that oozed seduction and confidence.

Hearing the beat of the music, you waltzed out onto the stage, giant feathered fans concealing yourself.

The whistles and catcalls never failed to make you nervous, but you used it to fuel your confidence.

You pivoted around the stage, teasing those who tried to steal a look around the fans.

A swing lowered and you took a seat on it and as it rose into the air, you finally revealed yourself in all your glammed glory.

the spotlight prevented you front seeing much of the crowd but your were Able to spot Mimzy, who was chatting with the red demon from earlier.

Your body moved on autopilot, maybe it was from hours of practice or maybe it was because the red demon was drop dead gorgeous. 

He was a rather tall fellow, at least compared to Mimzy.

Lanky build adorned in a red pinstriped suit with a black bowtie. He had a bob-like hair cut, the tips black that was cut into an undercut. Protruding on top of his bang were two little antler like horns and

omg were those ears???? His ears mixed with the color of his hair. 

They reminded you of a deer’s. They seemed to stay alert, sticking forward, never flickering.

His eyes were a bright red, like rubies.

and he had a ever-present sharp smile.

Uncanny. But OH  he was so pretty.

You locked eyes and automatically you flashed him a flirty wink. You half expected him to throw a wink or look away, but instead he held your gaze as he raised his glass in acknowledgment. You felt your cheeks heat up as you tried to focus on your performance.

You swung and twirled on your little perch. Slowly, you started to remove pieces of your costume.

You perched yourself alongside a gentleman and smirked as he practically melted at your touch. You wrapped your boa around his neck and  pressed your fingers lightly to his mouth; he smirked, nipping at your fingertips and slowly dragging your glove off. You glided through the crowd, losing a piece of clothing here and there.

By the time you circled around to the bar, Mimzy was drunk and dancing along to the music and the mysterious demon was tracking your movements.

Hitting a little jig with Mimzy, you were intending to make your way to the lanky devil, when an arm circled around your waist and tugged you into a fella, who obviously had been drinking waaaay too much.

”why don’cha take the rest of these off princess?” He took a swig of whatever cheap liquor and leered at you “i like a gal dripped only in jewels” he snickered.

You frowned and tried to play off his perversion.”sorry dearest but I fear i am simply too much for you” you slapped his hand off of you and made your way to the bar.

Taking a seat, you ordered a bottle of whiskey and manners be damned, you chugged it for a good second.

maybe this’ll put you back in a good mood.

you were too busy sipping your sorrows you didn’t notice that a dark presence had settled beside you.

“And here I thought you were just pretty entertainment ” a deep brawl said from behind you. You turned and let out a soft squeak at the close proximity of the demon you had been eyeing all night. He cocked his head, mouth stretched in a big smile, showing off his sharp teeth. “You kept me waiting for a while doll” 

You could blame the courage on the whiskey, but you smirked at him coyly “and who might you be?” The red demon crouched to your level and raised your bare hand to his lips, keeping eye contact as his grin widened “Alastor doll. Pleasure to meet to you”

[heartfullofleeches]

I have been enabled to unleash more of my bullshit onto the world. Shapeshifter Reader. Not just "touch this and change" shifter, but full on eldritch monstrosity transformation and all under that cute smile. My first two thoughts on this are an actor reader and a reader who helps humans process their grief. The first is a whole lot funnier. My personal canon is when they are their human self they are mute as while they have a mortal face their voice is anything but

-

Yan Fan: Y/n, Y/n! Can I get your autograph?!

[Shapeshifter Reader, completely forgetting they're in public, spits out a pen held in a pocket beneath their tongue. Their saliva is as thick as oil and drips from its tip like fine ink]

Yan Fan, pointing at their lips: Here please!

-

Yan interviewer: So, Y/n I hear you are actually a horror beyond human comprehension and even you don't know where you originate from. If you would be a dear, would you mind show pretty face to your adoring fans?

[Shifter Reader merely shrugs and reveals their true self in all their tendril glory much to the crowd's uproarious approval. Off to their side, the interview sweats feverishly as they update your fan blog]

"Their clothes are apart of their skin. I repeat, their clothes are apart of their skin."

-

Yan Co-Star: Babes, you're killing it out there, but for this next scene boss needs you to really pull out the monster in you - no disrespect. I believe in you more than anyone on the team.

[Nodding, Shapeshifter Reader gets into position as the scene plays out. Knocking their co-star to the matted floor below - they await their cue with a crooked smile]

Yan Co-Star, trying their damnest to keep the shaking of their voice to a minimum: Smite me now, but God comes for all their children someday. Even demons like you.

ShapeShifter Reader, cheeks splintered from the curve of their grin: God? Don't make me laugh As thing stands here, between you and I, there is only one God here and they have but one command to give . Kneel.

[Yan Co-Star rises up only to drop back down to their knees, looking up at their fellow actor completely in a daze]: Whatever you say....

The Director: Cut! This is the twelfth time we've had to record this scene... and put your damn phones away!

[thekingofwinterblog]

You know what the most annoying thing about the Twists regarding the Elves in Inquisition was?

That all the twists, if taken on their own, would make for a really good story.

The reveals about Solas backstory and how him and his fellow God Kings rose, became decadent, warred with each other and fell, setting the stage for their transformation into the Old Gods is frankly speaking, some of the best lore that Dragon Age ever had, and lines up really well with how the world is structured while explaining how the Old Gods came to be, how the elves fell, and so on.

That the tevinter imperium when it conquered the nation of Arlathan was not the great imperial state lead by mighty mages their descendants liked to think they were, but instead a bunch of weaklings that needed years and years to take on one, measly city-state that had utterly obliterated itself in civil war.

There is so much great stuff here.

So where did it all go wrong?

The answer, is of course execution.

Inquisition overall is a great game... But man did it drop the ball so hard with the Elves that it's pretty much hard to believe that they will be able to tell a nuanced story about them in Dread Wolf.

Everything from the companions, to the world itself as the game presents , to retcons regarding mages that's there, not to tell a story about the elves, but to try and make the Templar vs mage conflict grey.

Starting with the companions, we have a great example of coming so, so close to greatness... and then falling right on it's face.

The game has two Elf companions, solas and Sera... and the contrast between them really illustrates the big picture with how incapable Inquisition is with trying to tell a nuanced picture with the elves.

Solas as a character is perfect. Love him or hate him, he is a fully fleshed out character with very clear, defined, understandable motives that makes sense to him.

And most importantly of all, his way of viewing the world is WRONG. The game acknowledges that he is wrong.

The entire story of where dragon age 4 is heading, is all about how the Dread wolf, for all his knowledge and intelligence and genuine virtues, is at the end of the day, a monster, who is willing to see the world burn to restore the Elves magic and immortality.

He is a racist, he is bigoted, and ultimately misguided. Despite all his development with the inquisitor, he does not manage to grow enough as a person that he manages to abandon his genocidal goals. And the game does not pretend othervise.

That is what makes the story of Solas rise to become the big villain of the sequel great.

There is no disconnect between the story, the characters, or the way the game wants us to view solas.

Solas is far, far more bigoted and close-minded than any of the dalish he so despises, and the game ultimately does not pretend othervise.

Which brings us to the opposite end of the elf spectrum with Sera.

Sera is a very disliked character by a lot of people, but by dalish and elf players/fans more than most.

Just like Solas, she is bigoted, racist, and ultimately misguided in her hatred of her fellow elves, whether they be city elves, or Dalish, or ancient elves.

And that frankly, would not be a problem if the game acknowledged that fact. If her character arc was about it, and either how she could not overcome her own issues, or actually managed to grow beyond them, she could have been a great character.

The problem is the fact that the game is not willing to handle this fact head on. Its not willing to come out and portray Sera as just as bigoted against her own kind as Solas is, and to treat this as a flaw.

Instead the game treats her as if her biggest flaw is that she's annoying, and not the fact that in a game that is in many ways about setting up the rise of the dread wolf, she is just as bad as Solas, just from a different origin point.

Sera should have been a mirror to Solas, both from a story point, as well as a thematic one, but unfortunately she is not.

Hell, she doesn't really overcome her racism either. The closest she comes to doing so, is basically burning out on hating the dalish and other elves in trespasser, not admitting she was actually wrong to hate them so much in the first place.

The game does not treat Sera's disdain for other elves and their culture as a problem, and it does not give a dalish inquisitor the option to tell her to go fuck herself on the topic that you are given with Solas if you really desire to do so.

You are given the option of kicking her out of the inquisition, but not actually stand up for the dalish or even city elves the way the player could against Morrigan's flemeth raised cruelty in origins, anders and Fenris obsessions with, and hatred for templars/mages in da2, or solas ideals in inquisition.

And thats a problem that really illustrates the bigger issue with the way Inquisition took what could have been a great story about the Elves and the reveals about their anceators, and frankly ruined it.

The dalish and city elvea were very thouroughly fleshed in both Origins, Awakening and DA2.

However, city elves largely managed to avoid being utterly destroyed by the narrative the way the Dalish were, for the simple reason that outside briala, we don't get much if any interaction with them at all, making them essentially a non show foe the game for the most part. They don't get a city elf inquisitor, and so we have no point of view to look at them from a pc perspective.

They got off much better than the dalish though.

Starting off with the arguably single worst thing in all of DAI is the retcon that Dalish clans, if there is more than two mages in a clan, sends off the third one alone in the wilderness to fend for themselves. This goes against absolutely everything that has ever been established about the Dalish, and worst of all, wasn't even an addition meant to demonize the dalish, instead being an addition to handwave away the obvious fact that the Dalish had a much better system than the human circles when it came to magic... Which in turn was made irrelevant by the fact the Avvar was later shown to have a much better and more effective solution to the possession question anyway.

It was, in essence, a pointless retcon, that overall only made the dalish look bad, and has now opened the door for the idea that most dalish clans acts like this, and will be portrayed so in future games.

Its bad, but unfortunately it was only the start.

The game goes out of its way to portray absolutely every single person who critices the dalish as having a point, that they brought on their own downfalls, even as they are being the most imperialistic, racist assholes imaginable, while the dalish inquisitor can only offer a token of defence for his people, a far cry from way origins allowed you to handle the same situation wheter your main ethnicity was ferelden, mage, city elf, dalish, casteless or dwarven noble.

But nowhere is it worse than the way the game handles the fall of the dales.

Now the actual lore you learn about it, is not bad. At all. I know some complain that the reveals that ameridan(and presumably other elves) worshipped both the creators and the maker, as well as the fact that the dalish unfortunately did have a bad relationahip with the rest of the world, in particular orlais, is bad storytelling, but i firmly disagree.

No the problem is the execution.

Ameridan is not wrong when he says that The Dales should not have distanced itself from the rest of the world, especially not in the face of a blight... But the Dales of his era were in turn not wrong when they argued that the Orlesians were little better than the imperium, and they would be completely right.

This is not a grey issue, its a grey and black issue.

Orlais was, and still is an evil, expansionist empire with 99% of its population living as serfs, that can be raped and beaten at will, little better than slaves.

The dales were the morally right side of the exalted march on the dales. No amount of new lore we learned in inquisition has changed that fact. We simply get the details fleshed out a bit more to add context.

Orlais was going to invade and enslave the elves anyway, as they proved through their actions against all their other, very much fellow Adrastian neighbors.

The problem is that you are not allowed to express this kind of point of view and stick to it like steel.

The characters you meet having the bigoted opinion that the dales ultimately brought on their own fate is NOT a bad thing in and out of itself... the problem is that you are not allowed to challenge that opinion the way you could challenge Lelliana's view of the dalish in origins, or the way you could tell both Anders and fenris to go fuck themselves on their extremist opinions all through da2, and ending that fuck you by killing them in the endgame.

And thats a real shame, because just looking at characters like cassandra's character development through Inquisition, you could easily have made a really compelling narrative put of a dalish inquisitor who stuck by his or her principles, and actually challenged the people they met's racist views on the dalish the way you could in origins, just with a more fleshed out and(unfortunately something way too many people just cannot emote to a character withouth) an actual voice to raise those arguments with.

I do genuinely like Inquisition, and i think it's overall a much better game than DA2... but man did they drop the ball with the elves so hard.

I feel so sorry for anyone who really got invested in the elves as their favorites factions, and i honestly don't think the elves will be handled particularly well in Dread wolf, especially as the only Dalish we are likely to see fleshed out will be the villains fighting for Solas.

[frieschan]

bangtan with an idol gf // bts hcs

➳ member/s featured: kim namjoon, kim seokjin, min yoongi, jung hoseok, park jimin, kim taehyung, jeon jungkook x f! reader (separate)

➳ unrequested | headcanons // fluff/crack

➳ TW:

➳ summary: how would our bangtan boys be like with a girlfriend who is a fellow idol?

➳ AN: decided for a small break between workin' on querencia, if you have the time, pls check it out here! its a hybrid ot7 x m reader fic :) i hope more ppl would like it since its mainly my first time to create a full story.

➳ extra info: y/n's filler name will be yona as an abbreviation from 'your name' (yona), she is also around the age as vmin except older than the V

—KIM NAMJOON ; rap monster !

-ˋˏ ღ shipname: yojoon

-ˋˏ ღ library dates are a must, or even a hole in the wall cafe/library

-ˋˏ ღ listening to him ramble about a new book he read because he's ur baby

-ˋˏ ღ having plant kids that the both of u post about

-ˋˏ ღ you usually have to drive for him or the two of you bike to your destination, a few fans catching the two of you

-ˋˏ ღ he loves writing lyrics or poems about or for you, actually some of his songs are about you

-ˋˏ ღ cleaning after him was part of your resume in becoming his girlfriend.

-ˋˏ ღ he's broken so much shit in your house it's not even funny

-ˋˏ ღ he's your clumsy little boy

-ˋˏ ღ he also has rizz. very good rizz

-ˋˏ ღ always knowing when you're nervous around him with that fat brain of his (smart boy also)

-ˋˏ ღ he always gets so strained as a leader of the biggest kpop group and then having to translate for his brothers, he ends up just collapsing to you and sleeping for a while to recharge his battery

-ˋˏ ღ sometimes you think about the time he brought his bike inside his producing room

-ˋˏ ღ "jagi that's not a good idea-"

-ˋˏ ღ "army needs to see my bike!"

-ˋˏ ღ sometimes he doesnt even understand his strength cuz one time when you were on his favorite spot on the couch, he picked you up so fast

-ˋˏ ღ HIS FACE WAS SO SHOCKED

-ˋˏ ღ "YAH! WHY'D YOU DO THAT?"

-ˋˏ ღ "Why are you so light? Are you sure you're eating enough?"

-ˋˏ ღ "DID YOU FORGET YOU GO TO THE GYM ALMOST EVERYDAY?"

-ˋˏ ღ you and bts work together on babysitting namjoon always

-ˋˏ ღ you also know about the fact he watches porn.. a lot

—KIM SEOKJIN ; jin !

-ˋˏ ღ shipname: jinna

-ˋˏ ღ you two are such a handful oh my god

-ˋˏ ღ even though he's the oldest, he acts like a baby with you and whines about everything

-ˋˏ ღ but then he can also baby you

-ˋˏ ღ he loves feeding you food or cooking with you on camera

-ˋˏ ღ He has 'Eat Jin' while you have 'Cook Yona' which is honestly really cute omg

-ˋˏ ღ whatever you cooked on Cook Yona, Jin would mukbang it in Eat Jin, sometimes he even shared! (barely)

-ˋˏ ღ you honestly love trying to fatten him up cause he's a sucker for food

-ˋˏ ღ usually once you guys are full, it's either you start cleaning and he starts gaming or other way around

-ˋˏ ღ one of your cute habits is whenever his break cheeks show up, you pinch them a lot

-ˋˏ ღ also he scolds (raps) you like every other member

-ˋˏ ღ you were with that one cooking episode where jungkook and taehyung were cooking, you felt so bad for them but it was hilarious to watch

-ˋˏ ღ whenever he games, you always make little snacks for him because you know he gets really mad at the game but its even worse when hes on an empty stomach (you dont want his yelling to disturb your sugar gliders)

-ˋˏ ღ you like to have jungkook over sometimes so he can play with jin since you THOUGHT that would make him yell less (no the yelling doubled.)

-ˋˏ ღ you recorded the two of them playing together and caught jin smacking jungkook for snatching his food (IT WAS FOR THE BOTH OF THEM.)

-ˋˏ ღ just dance nights are very common for the two of you after that one in the soop episode

-ˋˏ ღ fishing dates are suddenly also a thing now because he said so

-ˋˏ ღ his dad jokes make you sob on the inside, but then again the boys think of you as their mom since you worry your head off like one

-ˋˏ ღ "JAGI, IS KOOKIE OKAY?!"

-ˋˏ ღ "that brat is fine, he does dumb stuff a lot"

—MIN YOONGI ; suga !

-ˋˏ ღ shipname: yoona

-ˋˏ ღ to start this off, you bullied yoongi with the others.

-ˋˏ ღ BUT ITS REALLY FUNNY BECAUSE HIS REACTIONS ARE HYSTERICAL

-ˋˏ ღ YooNa moments are really hard to catch on camera, because yoongi has a preference on keeping a lot of your vulnerable moments private but when they do come up, THEY'RE ALWAYS LIKE A KDRAMA

-ˋˏ ღ there was this one scenario, both of your kpop groups were attending an event and were sat next to eachother (totally not on purpose uhuh)

-ˋˏ ღ the thing was, your company failed to think that your outfit wouldn't give you enough warmth, and the even was out in the open so you were freezing to death (BRUH)

-ˋˏ ღ and yoongles was kind enough to shrug off his coat and put it over your shoulders

-ˋˏ ღ he got rewarded with a kiss in private :)

-ˋˏ ღ whenever he has birthday lives, you're always there with him or well- you're in every live he has

-ˋˏ ღ he was wearing some goofy shades and a party hat while you were just watching

-ˋˏ ღ "you look like a clown, pabo (fool)"

-ˋˏ ღ "someone doesn't want cake"

-ˋˏ ღ you both glared at eachother after, even though you couldn't even see his eyes

-ˋˏ ღ the armies were just laughing their asses off in the chat

-ˋˏ ღ anyway, you honestly love his gummy little smile or the way he's an old man in a young body

-ˋˏ ღ your relationship reflects that statement, the both of you prefer being traditional most of the time

-ˋˏ ღ sure he loves watching movies for hours and taking a nap, but nothing would ever beat just watching the moon together

-ˋˏ ღ when he was nervous about releasing his first album, you were with him every step of the way! the production of music, drafting of ideas, the photoshoots

-ˋˏ ღ when you were gone for months on end because of a tour and press conference across the world, yoongi was absolutely depressed

-ˋˏ ღ he ended up releasing his frustration through music specifically, so far away that featured Suran

-ˋˏ ღ when you listened to it, your heart honestly shattered

-ˋˏ ღ that day, you promised yourself that you would always be with Yoongi, you will never be far from him for over 2 months, it was what made your relationship grow so much

-ˋˏ ღ you had seen every side of him, the raw energy of agustD, the creative and sweet Suga, then the truthful and reflecting Min Yoongi

-ˋˏ ღ and he had seen every part of you, Yona's love for her fans, and Y/N's truth

-ˋˏ ღ the both of you are absolutely in love, soulmates even

-ˋˏ ღ everyone is convinced that the two of you were made for eachother

-ˋˏ ღ OKAY BACK TO CRACK

-ˋˏ ღ the both of you love arguing with eachother as a joke and he just starts being a baby

-ˋˏ ღ you remember the one time you stole his last tangerine and he was so upset (not really but he wanted to be petty) that he THEN finished all the ice cream in your freezer

-ˋˏ ღ yes you ranted about this to your fans and yoongi heard, so he just walked up to you and started clinging onto you to annoy you

-ˋˏ ღ "YAH! Get off you man-child!"

-ˋˏ ღ "What if I say no"

-ˋˏ ღ "god!"

-ˋˏ ღ "Yes?"

-ˋˏ ღ you hated him being such a smart ass too but like it's okay i guess....

-ˋˏ ღ one time you slapped cat ears on his head and he was just flabbergasted while staring at you

-ˋˏ ღ (you snapped pics so fast and sent them to the guys)

-ˋˏ ღ ANYWAY you bullied him by constantly calling him cute and whatever (maybe even ahjussi)

-ˋˏ ღ ok but then he calls you a grandma too

-ˋˏ ღ sitting on his lap or on his sofa while he produces music is really calming for u

-ˋˏ ღ just baskin in eachothers presence <3

—JUNG HOSEOK ; j-hope !

-ˋˏ ღ shipname: yo-hope

-ˋˏ ღ he's your sunshine and you're his moon omg

-ˋˏ ღ it was such a 'sunshine and the moon that protects it' trope and the fans loved it

-ˋˏ ღ hobi was always there to cheer you up after a really stressful day at work and you loved him so much for it

-ˋˏ ღ it was absolutely amazing to come home to him after a bad day since he knew what to do to cheer u up and make u happyyy

-ˋˏ ღ when some antis were hating him, you couldn't care less if you had gotten backlash, you defended him in every way you could

-ˋˏ ღ at this point, hobi was all you could ever care about since the two of you had supported one another since day one

-ˋˏ ღ when you two announced the two of you were together, the positivity that came out was overwhelming and the both of you were absolutely overjoyed with it

-ˋˏ ღ yo-hope was one of the favorite ships in the k-pop community because of the contrast between the two of you

-ˋˏ ღ you were actually the one that got hobi to start doing lives again!!! you always encouraged him and made sure he heard the things youd end your live on

-ˋˏ ღ "Okay guys, if Hobi ever goes on live, please show him as much support and love you can! for me!"

-ˋˏ ღ and on hobi's first live, you were there and made sure to check if some of your fans had actually showed support and sure enough, it was full of usernames that were referencing your kpop group

-ˋˏ ღ you and hobi are almost inseparable unless absolutely necessary because whenever you arent around, sweet boy feels so incomplete

-ˋˏ ღ there are like hundreds of compilations of Yo-Hope moments, a lot of the time you would just walk up to hobi and cling on him cause you need your charger

-ˋˏ ღ HIS JOY IS YOUR JOY

-ˋˏ ღ You love watching the boys kinda just grab hobi and hug him too, cuz he really is bangtan's sunshine

-ˋˏ ღ when the maknaes mess around with hobi, you swear hobi should be in the maknae line

-ˋˏ ღ whenever hobi is about to collapse laughing, you always catch him while laughing yourself (you cant deny it, there are 10 minute compilations of it)

-ˋˏ ღ you know when he has his moments when he's really stressed and down, overthinking about a lot, but you're always there to keep him up

-ˋˏ ღ you'll always be his moon, his partner, his soulmate :)

-ˋˏ ღ okay not going to lie, you and yoongi have beef over who gets jhope more (literally glaring at eachother from across the room)

-ˋˏ ღ it's okay though! the both of u decided to glare at anyone who messes with hobi

-ˋˏ ღ (i'm totally not buttering u guys up bcuz jimin's hcs r so funny)

-ˋˏ ღ Jack in the Box was a wild experience for you, Jay was a whole other entity when you watched him perform

-ˋˏ ღ hobi wanted to show armies that he wasn't all smiles and that he also struggled, YOU WERE ALL FOR IT!!!!

—PARK JIMIN ; jimin !

-ˋˏ ღ shipname: yomin

-ˋˏ ღ jimin.. the punching bag of bangtan for the amount of funny and embarrassing stuns he has pulled

-ˋˏ ღ the both of you are such lover girl x lover boy though

-ˋˏ ღ jimin could care less about the cameras around, he wants his baby!! the editors can deal with cutting it out!!!!

-ˋˏ ღ he loves to just like.. snatch you away from everyone and like keep you on his lap

-ˋˏ ღ "jimin, can I get off-"

-ˋˏ ღ "No"

-ˋˏ ღ In terms of man child-ness, he and taehyung are verrryyy close

-ˋˏ ღ sometimes the three of you hangout, taehyung ends up being like the sibling you bring around while you and your s/o go out and buying the kid so much food

-ˋˏ ღ at this point, you don't know if taehyung comes for the food or for the companionship BUT ANYWAY back to jimin

-ˋˏ ღ you and jimin act like such a married couple (hes totally not planning to propose uhuh mhm yessir on god)

-ˋˏ ღ the two of you bicker and then end up having a whole kdrama scene and I think the other BTS members are really tired of it but who cares you two love eachother

-ˋˏ ღ the way you two guys met was the funniest part

-ˋˏ ღ you and him were hosting together, and while interviewing someone at a table and sitting down, jimin immediately fell down on live

-ˋˏ ღ you were fighting for your life to not laugh while the interviewee was just there flabbergasted

-ˋˏ ღ that's how you two became such a lover girl and lover boy couple

-ˋˏ ღ when his new album came out, he absolutely demanded you would make a cameo in the 'Like Crazy' mv and you ended up in it

-ˋˏ ღ so now you're in the theories for the music video but like it's okay cause they're entertaining

-ˋˏ ღ jimin probably reads fanfics of YoMin and he loves to be shameless about it when he's with you.. what a brat

-ˋˏ ღ speaking about brat, he has such an attitude sometimes oh my god

-ˋˏ ღ out of everyone, he also has such a strong satoori and it's funny and scary at the same time

-ˋˏ ღ HE SOUNDS SO CONDESCENDING- he loves using it when a guy tries harrassing you while the both of you are out

-ˋˏ ღ You know that one video with Taehyung and Jimin together, and Jimin starts threatening you in Satoori? Yeah imagine that 💀

-ˋˏ ღ he's so mean sometimes too I swear- he loves teasing and bullying you

-ˋˏ ღ In the name of your stans, you will beat Jimin up one day, just not today

-ˋˏ ღ when the both of you are live and you find yourself without your indoor slippers he's yelling at you like:

-ˋˏ ღ "WEAR YOUR SLIPPERS PROPERLY"

-ˋˏ ღ "URUSAI (SHUT UP IN JAPANESE FOR SOME REASON?)"

-ˋˏ ღ The armies and stans were just watching this happen like it was normal. They're all used to how you and Jimin are like when the two of you are together

-ˋˏ ღ They saw you smack jimin and then Jimin stared at the camera with his mouth agape

-ˋˏ ღ "ARMYYY SHE JUST HIT ME"

-ˋˏ ღ and then the messages were like "BEAT HIM UP Y/N" "GO OFF QUEEN" "MOREEEEEE 🤾🏻‍♀️🤾🏻‍♀️" "let her COOK"

-ˋˏ ღ and suddenly jimin was lying down on the floor while you scrolled on your phone

-ˋˏ ღ yeah you made him beg for forgiveness

—KIM TAEHYUNG ; V !

-ˋˏ ღ shipname: taena

-ˋˏ ღ "tan-ahh don't keep Y/N all to yourself!!"

-ˋˏ ღ you were yeontan's momma ever since you and taehyung got together and it was obvious who was tannie's favorite

-ˋˏ ღ you loved to take pictures with yeontan and post it on social media, showing the world the adorable teacup pom with his popular momma! all with taehyung's permission of course

-ˋˏ ღ in one of taehyung's very much rare lives, the three of you were in bed with acoustic music playing in the back

-ˋˏ ღ though the live was very short, armies could fully see the love and admiration taehyung had for you

-ˋˏ ღ actually- he even decided to kiss you in front of the cam 😭

-ˋˏ ღ the next day, the clip was all over social media, taehyung personally thinking they're just overreacting about the whole ordeal like he's not one of the most powerful men in Korea 💀💀

-ˋˏ ღ but tae is your baby tbh (he's the goofy little dork in the relationship and you have to take care of him)

-ˋˏ ღ taehyung has this one cute habit where if he goes on live, he HAS to talk about your idol career or you in general at least.. like three times

-ˋˏ ღ everyone needs to know the beauty of Korea is his of course!!

-ˋˏ ღ you honestly love listening to his deep husky voice in their songs.. you love all of them but nothing beats taehyung's solo songs for you (they are in your everyday playlist)

-ˋˏ ღ the both of you love to wear matching outfits when you have to go out, and the fans go wild for it!

-ˋˏ ღ I swear to god you've seen a shirt with a picture of u and taehyung matching on it 😭

-ˋˏ ღ whenever your schedules let you, the three of you like to go out in the early morning to walk around the empty streets of seoul like a little family

-ˋˏ ღ this doesnt stop taehyung from wanting 3-5 kids in the future though

-ˋˏ ღ you and taehyung absolutely value time together since the both of you are constantly doing someone with their idol career, but at the end of the day

-ˋˏ ღ the both of you still lay in the same bed just admiring eachother

-ˋˏ ღ taehyung maybe locking yeontan out of the room if he was feeling a bit frisky that night

-ˋˏ ღ but anyway, this little dork loves showing you the random stuff he buys and it's honestly concerning and funny at the same time

-ˋˏ ღ and he's so freaking blunt about it omfg

-ˋˏ ღ "look at that chair with an ass on it" "tae, jagi, what the fu-"

-ˋˏ ღ AND THE HAS LIKE 10 RAMEN COOKERS IN HIS HOUSE HELP SAVE Y/N

-ˋˏ ღ even then, he still wants you to cook for him cause he's a lil baby that can't take care of himself omg

-ˋˏ ღ taehyung loves to abuse his tata mic face on you and it makes it so hard to say no to him, the situation goes like:

-ˋˏ ღ "Jagi, I want a bread maker"

-ˋˏ ღ "Tae, no, why in the name of Bang-PD would we need a bread maker??"

-ˋˏ ღ *tata mic face*

-ˋˏ ღ "oh my god- you are such a baby, fine ugh"

-ˋˏ ღ tae also has this one habit of like making up his own language or something, and the fact that you've spent years with him and as his soulmate, you are his translator alongside Suga

-ˋˏ ღ you find it absolutely endearing and adorable though

-ˋˏ ღ you know how taehyung is blunt yeah? he has said with a straight face before the following:

-ˋˏ ღ "If this idol thing doesn't work out for us, we should become a farm family and have an army of 5 kids and then an army of chickens to attack jimin-shi when he visits us"

-ˋˏ ღ lord have mercy on Y/N- WAIT 5 KIDS? 💀

—JEON JUNGKOOK ; jungkook !

-ˋˏ ღ shipname: yokook

-ˋˏ ღ the only thing he likes about the two of you being idols is that the both of you have a gigantic privilege

-ˋˏ ღ he absolutely hates the fact that the two of you lack privacy and the hate that comes from some 'army' (bruh)

-ˋˏ ღ other than that, he still is absolutely in love with you, full of adoration in his adorable doe eyes

-ˋˏ ღ you know how he's the ambassador of Calvin Klein? You're also an ambassador so CK decided a couple shoot with the both of you would be good coverage for them

-ˋˏ ღ another pro about the couple shoot is that you can make it clear to your fans that the both of you are very much devoted to each other

-ˋˏ ღ weekly training together is a must! an absolute must!!! or else kookie will get sulky and sad for the rest of the week and cry to bam or something

-ˋˏ ღ on one of his late night lives, you had walked into the room while he was talking to army, he had the galaxy doohickey on and a candle next to him

-ˋˏ ღ "hi tokki" you greeted him with a soft smile

-ˋˏ ღ "noona!" he immediately took his attention off the chat to walk to you and give you a kiss

-ˋˏ ღ the army were going crazy in chat with "YOKOOK!!" "MY SHIP SAILED" "Love to YoKook from ___!! <3"

-ˋˏ ღ after the small kiss the both of you sat on the couch and you greet the army with a wave and lazy grin

-ˋˏ ღ you and jungkook made some small talk while some music played on the tv, you could only assume that he was doing some karaoke before you got home

-ˋˏ ღ while the two of you talked, you caught a glimpse from chat that includes "Kookie looks so inlove with her🥺🥺", "He grew up so fast and now he has an amazing gf 😭", "His eyes tell so much!!!!"

-ˋˏ ღ the smile that appeared on your face couldn't be contained, the moment jungkook saw your smile, he turned to look at the source and he couldn't help but smile himself at all the comments

-ˋˏ ღ "Thank you for all the support, Army. I'll always hold Army, BTS, and Y/N close to my heart"

-ˋˏ ღ honestly you made him pull out the slight busan accent (its so hot bruh wtf the little sigh at the end) and you loved the way it sounded

-ˋˏ ღ You went to go do a quick errand in your shared bedroom so you left Kook alone in the living room to do whatever he was doing

-ˋˏ ღ what you came back to was absolutely adorable and hilarious.

-ˋˏ ღ you saw a kookie in slumber, a chat going wild the moment they saw you, and the candle still burning.

-ˋˏ ღ you laughed as you read some of the comments from chat and blew out the candle, you bid army farewell with a promise that you will take care of the golden maknae

copyright © 2023 | frieschan

reblog or like if you enjoyed!

[kvetchlandia]

Time For...

One of My Occasional Rants.

So, we in the United States are on the verge of a presidential election. I'm sure all of you lovely people already know that. This particular election is beyond ghastly and grim in its implications. You have one candidate who is a representative of the long term status quo and another who is more dangerous not only to the people of the United States but to the people of the entire globe than my own meager command of words allows me to express.

I'm no particular fan of Kamala Harris. As a lifelong socialist, I see her as a candidate of capitalism, and a socially moderate one at that, essentially a Clinton Democrat, the sort of Dem who would have been a Republican 60 years ago. In other words, the sort of candidate that under normal circumstances I'd never consider for one moment voting for. However, her opponent is a veritable monster; a multiply convicted felon; a man found civilly liable for sexually assaulting a woman and then libeling her after his conviction; a serial liar of astronomical proportions; a man who is supported by open fascists and KKKers; a man whose own open racism and antisemitism is decades old; a man who bragged on television about assaulting women; a man who coddles autocrats and openly aspires to be one; a man who urged his brownshirt wannabe followers to commit a putsch against the legally elected government then referred to those putschists as "heroes" and has promised, if elected, to pardon those convicted of their violent crimes; a man so self-interested that the only thing he really accomplished during his previous presidency was to give himself (and, as an after effect, his fellow billionaires) a whopping tax cut, paid for by raising taxes on the working class; a man who bragged about depriving women of their right to control their own bodies; a man void of culture and knowledge and one so ego-damaged that his own aides admitted that they had to place his name in huge all caps in his daily briefing books to get him to even skim them, since the only thing he was interested in was himself; a man who completely botched the response of the United States to the COVID epidemic and who then recommended to his followers that they inject bleach and that they shine lights on their bodies to cure the virus while he, when he contracted it, of course got state of the art medical care; a man who will reshape the courts, as he's already done to the Supreme Court, so that they're little more than a voice of medieval religious obscurantism and political reaction and a man who has already promised to use the military to quash demonstrations against him and his policies and to go after those who have or who continue to oppose him. I could go on and on, but you get the point. If Trump is elected, which is a distinct possibility, that's the end of American bourgeois democracy, always a limited and partial thing at its best.

Trump has promised to drill for even more oil and to end this country's investment in alternative sources of energy, thereby all but ensuring that complete environmental collapse due to global climate change will take place in the next few decades, if not sooner. It's already an ongoing process.

If Trump is elected, he's promised to deport more than 10 million people. That, of course, is nearly impossible, but that won't stop him from trying. Should he really undertake that blind, racist endeavor, it would of course be politically and morally wrong, but it would also cost trillions of dollars to do (where would they be placed before they were loaded on trains and deported? Camps would have to be built. Who would guard those camps? Tens of thousands of people would have to be hired, trained and armed). And then, of course, the American economy would collapse, since it's those people who do so much of the work that keeps the economy running. I don't see many Americans lining up to harvest the fields or work in the garment sweatshops for starvation piece-work wages, nor do I see many Americans willing to work at the tough, usually non-union, low skill construction jobs that keep the economy rolling. Needless to say, those millions of deportees won't be buying any of the commodities they now purchase on a daily basis to support their families. Bye bye, profit.

All of this is well known. None of it takes any research to uncover. The voting age population has lived through it and everyone is aware of it. Nonetheless, and this just boggles my mind, the polls keep telling us that the race is a toss up. That means that tens of millions of people either don't care or support the horrors that Tump embodies and stands for. That is truly frightening. I'm not convinced that Trump is a fascist, for a number of historical and analytical reasons that I'm sure none of you are interested in, although a number of his supporters are members of fascist organizations. Fortunately, as of right now, the United States still doesn't have a mass fascist movement and I don't see one developing soon, for reasons related to why I don't consider Trump a fascist. He is, though, openly disdainful of the bourgeois democracy that is represented by the American status quo and he's both expressed his desire to be a dictator and has said he made a mistake by leaving office in 2020, despite losing the election (which he pretends was rigged, although he damn well knows it wasn't). If he's re-elected, the only way he'll leave the White House is when he's rolled out on a gurney. Yet this is all OK with millions of Americans. I don't like to draw inappropriate analogies with the catastrophe that befell Germany starting in 1933, but it's hard not to see similarities despite the very significant differences. One of those similarities is the passivity of that part of the population that might not be hardcore MAGA cultists and worshippers of their bloated demigod, but will nevertheless vote for Trump, for whatever reason they cite. That's how Hitler came to power and many of those passive non-nazis had no problem when the Nazis began the roundups of Jews and political opponents of the regime. As a person who has long been politically active, I don't think I'm being at all paranoid when I say that I fear, soon after a re-elected Trump took office, that we would quickly start having those midnight knocks at the door and disappearances into the night and fog.

OK, rant over. Now I've managed to depress and terrify myself even more. I need a stiff drink.

[30somethingautisticteacher]

Jee Dates

Enjoy some tooth rotting fluff...I love Uncle Buck and Uncle Tommy. 🥰 I have been writing so much but I guess it's because I definitely won't have the time once school starts back up!

_______________________________________

"Tommy, wake up," Buck said softly, gently shaking his boyfriend's shoulder. "It's Jee date day."

Tommy stirred, a smile spreading across his face even before he opened his eyes. "Already? What time is it?"

"Early," Buck chuckled, "but you know how excited she gets. We promised to pick her up at 9."

As Tommy got out of bed, stretching, Buck couldn't help but reflect on how they'd gotten to this point. He wasn't quite sure how it happened. He had always been close to his niece, but once he and Tommy started dating, she was drawn to Tommy like a magnet. And Tommy definitely didn't mind his adoring fan.

At first, it was casual outings - they would take her to the park or out for ice cream, or she'd come to their house for pancakes. But somehow, those casual meetups evolved into what they now called "Jee dates."

Now they had a standing date once a month where they would spend the whole day with Jee, doing activities of her choice. It had become something all three of them looked forward to, a special tradition that strengthened their bond as a family.

"So, remind me what the plan is for today?" Tommy asked as he pulled on a t-shirt.

Buck's grin widened. "To your delight, and Maddie's dismay, Jee has chosen the Monster Truck rally."

Tommy's face lit up with excitement. "Yes! I knew that kid had good taste."

"Well, she certainly takes after her Uncle Tommy in some ways," Buck laughed. "Maddie's convinced you're corrupting her daughter."

"Hey, expanding her interests is not corruption," Tommy defended playfully. "Besides, Jee loved Disney on Ice last month. She's a well-rounded kid."

Buck nodded, remembering how Jee's eyes had lit up watching her favorite characters glide across the ice. "That's true. From Disney princesses to monster trucks – our girl's got range."

"Exactly," Tommy agreed. "And who knows, maybe she'll grow up to be a professional ice skater who drives monster trucks in her spare time."

Buck couldn't help but laugh at the image. "Now that would be something to see. Maddie would probably blame us for that career choice too."

As they continued to get ready, both men felt a surge of anticipation for the day ahead. These "Jee dates" had become more than just a fun outing - they were a chance for Buck and Tommy to share their love, to be role models, and to create lasting memories with the little girl who had stolen both their hearts.

"Ready to go pick up our favorite girl?" Buck asked, keys in hand.

Tommy nodded, a soft smile on his face. "Always. Let's make this a Jee date to remember."

With that, they headed out, ready for a day full of monster trucks, cotton candy, and the unbridled joy of a child they both adored.

As they got into the car, Tommy grinned and said, "Ready for another adventure with Jee-bug, fellow Guncle?"

Buck rolled his eyes fondly. "You know, technically that's not quite right. I'm not gay, I'm bi."

Tommy's face took on an exaggerated look of shock, his voice deadpan and dripping with sarcasm. "Wait, you're bi? How come you never told me?"

Buck couldn't help but laugh, playfully shoving Tommy's shoulder. "Oh, shut up. You know what I mean."

Tommy's facade cracked as he chuckled. "I know, I know. But 'Quncles' doesn't roll off the tongue quite as well, does it?"

"True," Buck agreed, still grinning. "Though Maddie still thinks the qualifier isn't necessary."

Tommy nodded, his expression softening. "Right, because we're both just Jee's loving uncles, regardless of our sexuality."

"Exactly," Buck said. "But I have to admit, I do like our little 'Guncles' thing, even if it's not technically accurate for me."

As they pulled up to Maddie and Chimney's house, they could see Jee's excited face peering out the window, clearly having been watching for their arrival.

"Guncles!" she squealed as she ran out the door, Maddie following close behind with a backpack full of Jee's things.

Maddie shook her head with a fond smile. "I still say you're just uncles, but I guess I'm outvoted on this one."

Tommy grinned. "What can we say? The kid has spoken."

Buck just laughed as he got out of the car to scoop up their excited niece. "Ready for some monster trucks, Jee-bug?"

As they drove towards the Monster Truck rally, Jee chatted away happily in the backseat. Suddenly, she piped up with a series of questions that caught both men off guard.

"Hey Uncle Buck, how come you date boys? Are you guys ever gonna get married and be husbands? Can I be the flower girl if you do? And please don't get married at the hospital like Mommy and Daddy did, okay? And how come Mara and Denny have 2 Mommies? Are you ever gonna have a kid? Will your baby have 2 Daddies? If they do, will they be sad they don't have a Mommy? Will they call both of you Daddy?"

"Well, Jee-bug, that's a lot of questions," Buck started, his voice gentle. "I'll try to answer them all. I date boys, or in this case, your Uncle Tommy, because that's who I fell in love with. Some people love boys, some love girls, and some, like me, can love both."

Tommy nodded, adding, "And yes, we do plan to get married and be husbands someday. When we do, we'd love for you to be our flower girl."

"And we promise not to get married in a hospital," Buck chimed in with a grin. "We'll pick somewhere much more fun."

"As for Mara and Denny having two mommies," Tommy continued, "families come in all different shapes and sizes. Some have a mom and a dad, some have two moms or two dads, and some have just one parent."

Buck picked up the thread, "Tommy and I would love to have a family someday. And yes, if we do, your cousin will have two dads."

"But they won't be sad about not having a mommy," Tommy added. "Because they'll have two parents who love them very much, just like your mom and dad love you."

"And if we do have kids," Buck concluded, "they might call us both Daddy, or we might use different names to avoid confusion. We'll figure that out when the time comes."

Jee seemed to consider this for a moment. "Okay," she said finally. "Can we get cotton candy at the monster trucks?"

Buck and Tommy both chuckled at the abrupt change of subject, typical of a child Jee's age.

"Sure thing, Jee-bug," Tommy said, catching Buck's eye with a warm smile. They both felt a surge of love - for each other, for Jee, and for the family they would have someday.

[blackcherryvelvet0909]

Snowcone Comfort (Neige x GN!Reader)

Content Warning: Mild angst, hurt/comfort, mild stalking, predatory behavior from unnamed minor character, harassment, celebrities being taken advantage of, mentions of past abuse and victim blaming (if I missed any let me know)

Note: This is over 5k words, I don't know what possessed me. I guess it was my feelings on the behavior of certain fans of celebrities that got me going. I also just really, really like what I did with Neige's banner. I hope you do as well!

You leisurely strolled past the various stores and eateries, briefly peeking into each window. Every other second someone passed you by, whether it be a single person or an entire family, on their own merry way to somewhere you didn’t know. A few entered one of the many buildings lining the sidewalk, while others disappeared around corners of the little township. Little, yes, but no less expensive and elaborate. Most of the objects and treats that were advertised in every shop window cost way more than you could afford. Honestly, you’d be lucky to find something in your budget. Purchasing something wasn’t your reason for coming here, however.

Earlier that morning, you and Ace made a bet: If you beat him at air hockey, he would watch Grim for the rest of the day so you could relax. If he won, you’d have to do his homework for a whole week when you returned to the college. Guess who won out? Ace was shocked, to say the least, as was your audience, Deuce and Grim. Lucky for you, Ace was the type to get real cocky when he thought he was going to win. That attitude had been prominent since you began your game; it was fairly easy to use it to your advantage. So now here you were, taking a much needed break from babysitting your monster cat. 

You saw this little township on the bus ride into the resort when you and your fellow classmates arrived at the beach. Again, you had little money in your pocket, but it was just nice to get out and look around. See what could be seen in the quaint little tourist trap. You briefly wondered if Azul had struck up any business during the trip; if a certain fox and cat duo you’d met a little while ago had swindled a rich tourist or two when he’d possibly made port here. Your smile twitched up a little more as you saw the familiar face of Vil on a poster advertising a certain fragrance in a shop window. That must be where Vil stopped in to pick up that cologne for Rook and Epel. While the latter hadn’t been too keen on the (forced) gift, both men now smelled rather nice - nicer than usual, anyway. 

Just as you were about to turn a corner, in a direction where you remembered Malleus mentioning there being a really nice ice cream shoppe, you were nearly sent backward. Someone smacked into you, which made you both stumble and gasp out. Your hand reached out and held onto the closet windowsill to stabilize yourself. When you looked up, you recognized the face of the person who ran into you: Neige LeBlanche. The man Vil hated (a bit of a strong word, but what other term was there for the man’s feelings towards the celebrity?) with all of his being. The last time you saw the young man - at least in person - was during the VDC, smiling away as he congratulated your friends for their performance. Now, though, his expression was troubled, almost frightened. 

It wavered for a brief moment as he stared at you. “You…you’re [Name], right? One of Vil’s friends?” 

Well, you weren’t sure if you were friends, per say, but… “Y-Yeah,” you replied. 

Neige glanced behind him, that look of paranoia fresh in his eyes again. He turned back to you and grasped your hand, words hushed and urgent. “Please, help me hide! There’s a man after me and he - he’s not very nice.” 

You couldn’t see behind Neige, his body blocking your view. Even so, you could feel the atmosphere change around you as you heard someone call out for the celebrity. It was friendly, but wrong at the same time. Without a word, you gently, yet firmly held Neige’s hand as you turned around and bolted down the sidewalk. You led Neige back the way you’d come; your head turned this way and that as you tried to find a place to hide him. You hadn’t entered any of the businesses yet - you weren’t sure if they were good places to hide. The shrubbery and other plant life around weren’t very good options, either. 

“Hey!” You and Neige quickly glanced back to see a man hurriedly walk after you both. He was dressed sharply, in the fashion that was common for the locals here. You got the sense he wasn’t a local, however - maybe just a guy trying to fit in. The vibe from him wasn’t good, either. The smile he wore…it sent a chill down your spine. Neige shivered so strongly you could feel it trail down to his hand.

“Where’re you going, Mr. LeBlanche?” He held out his arms as though he wanted a hug. “I just wanted an autograph.” 

Neige didn’t have to ask you to hurry - you tugged him forward again, this time in a sprint. You frantically searched for a place to hide, just until the guy was out of sight. As you turned another corner, exiting the town, you found yourself at the edge of the beach. Golden sand spread out before you, the blue waves crashing onto shore a mile away. Suddenly, you had an idea. Your gaze landed on the small snack stand Sam had set up for the trip. “C’mon!” you whispered yelled to Neige behind you as you pulled him towards the little building. 

The pale boy followed you without question, scared eyes peering behind him every other second to see if the man had found you both. As you reached the snack stand, you quickly threw up the little door that separated the counter from the store space. You rushed Neige inside before you shut it behind you both. You then directed Neige to sit below the counter, just out of sight. You followed close behind him, legs crossed and back flushed against the wall. Neige was in a similar position, the only difference being his knees were tucked up under his chin. 

“Unless you two are looking for a summer job, I’m going to ask you to leave.” The two of you looked up at Sam, who now stood in front of you with his arms crossed over his chest. His expression was stern, yet the quirk of his brow showed his confusion about your sudden appearance. “As I know your status, Mr. LeBlanche, I know you are not strapped for cash. As for you, little imp-” 

“We’re hiding from this creep,” you interrupted. “He won’t leave Neige alone.” You glimpsed Neige nodding his head in agreement, too afraid to speak. It seemed what you’d garnered from the situation was correct. 

Sam’s gaze fleeted upwards and over the counter. Without breaking his gaze from the outside world, he asked, “Who? The one with the brown hair and last year’s bootlegged designer sandals?” 

Sam could tell what designs were forgeries? Of course he could. Why did you even think otherwise? “Yes.” 

The shopkeep was silent for a few seconds as he examined the man. He must be approaching the snack stand - Neige let out the faintest whimper. You reached how to hold his hand again and gave it a squeeze to try and comfort him. To your surprise and relief, the boy returned it. Finally, Sam spoke in a hush whisper of his own. “Stay as long as you like. I’ll take care of this.” 

Before either of you could express your thanks, you heard someone approach the counter. You didn’t think Neige’s complexion could get any paler…poor guy. He scarcely breathed as Sam addressed the man - neither did you. “Hello there! Welcome to my little snack shop. What can I get for you?” 

Your assailant didn’t respond at first. His shadow stretched over the counter and onto the floor in front of you; you thanked whatever god there was that you and Neige’s shadows were obscured by the counter. “Have you seen two kids running around?” the man asked, completely ignoring Sam’s question. “You know Neige LeBlanche, right?” 

“Who doesn’t?” Sam answered rhetorically. 

“I was supposed to get a picture with him, but he disappeared before I could get my phone out. You wouldn’t have happened to see him come by?” 

“Hm…can’t say I have.” Sam’s lie was flawless, amplified by the little shrug of his shoulders. “Last time I saw him, he was on TV. He’s here at the resort? Huh, news to me.” Sam leaned forward. “How much does he charge for pictures, anyhow? I figure it must cost a pretty good few madol.” 

The man’s snicker made your stomach churn. “I’ve got a few ways around that. I rarely get a no with my face, y’know?~” Gross. 

“Well, I’m sorry to say I haven’t seen him.” You barely glimpsed Sam gesture with his thumb towards the small town where you and Neige had come from. “Though…I did see someone kinda like him get into a cab just now. It looked like it was turning towards the city.” 

The creep hummed in thought, satisfied by his answer. “Thanks for the tip,” he said. He then placed something down onto the counter. “For your trouble.” 

“Much appreciated~” Sam gave the man his signature salesman wink and smile. “Come by next time you’re craving something cool and sweet. I’ve got everything you need.” The man said something in return, but the two of you couldn’t make it out. For several long minutes, not another word was spoken - the only sounds to be heard were the wirring or the large freezers, fridges, and other kitchen contraptions situated about the floor. Finally, Sam took a step back and peeked down at you two. “Alright, the coast is clear now. Guy won’t be back for a while.” 

Neige breathed out a long sigh of relief. He brought his hand up to slip the black sun hat he’d been wearing off his head, the red ribbon adding a pop of color to the accessory. Aside from the hat, he was almost dressed like a sailor boy. “I like your outfit,” you commented, trying to lighten the mood. “It looks really good on you.” 

Neige, despite still looking a tad shaken, gave you a smile. “Th-Thank you. I bought it shortly before myself and the rest of my classmates came here to the beach. I thought it’d be better suited for the hot weather.” 

“Well, no sense in getting it dirty then.” You crawled out from under the counter and stood up before offering a hand out to Neige. Your smile was encouraging, despite the previous situation. “C’mon, let’s get out of here. Where were you heading before, uh…he came?” 

Neige followed your lead and got out from under the counter. Even after he stood up, however, he didn’t let go of your hand. Perhaps it provided comfort for him. “I was heading back to the resort - the one beside on the other side of town, I mean, not the one you’re staying in. I promised Che’nya I would meet up with him to go swimming. I just stopped in town to pick up a bottle of the perfume that Vil was talking about on his Magicam.” 

“Really? Were you interested in the scent?” 

“That’s part of the reason, yes, but I really just wanted to support Vil. He seemed so happy about the sponsor.”

‘That’s fucking adorable’, you thought. 

“I’ll have to get some later.” He timidly glanced out towards town, where the guy had surely disappeared off to. “I…I don’t want to go back in there right now.” 

“Just so you know, he took a cab out to the city.” Sam shot you two a grin as he sorted through a large freezer under the left counter of the store. “Pretty good lie, huh?”

“It’s not good to lie,” Neige gifted the shopkeeper a tiny, shy smile, “but I do appreciate you doing that for us. Thank you, Mr…?” 

“Sam’s fine,” Sam chuckled. 

Neige nodded. “Thank you, Sam. Is there anything I can do to repay you?” 

Sam seemed to think the prospect over for a minute as he shuffled around a few white paper cones. His answer was not what you expected. “Nah, it’s alright. No favors needed - I was just doing what’s right.” He scooped some shaved ice into two paper cones he held in his other hand. “Though, if you’d like, I can get you that perfume.” 

“Really?” Neige’s pupils were as big as saucers. “You can do that?” 

“Mhm.” Sam placed the cones into two circular plastic holders in front of several colorful pumps. He then reached behind his back - when he brought his gloved hand back out, he was holding a small, luxurious pink paper bag. “Anything to please a customer~” 

Now Neige’s eyes were almost bugged out of his head. “That’s-! How did you-?”

“I have my ways.” Sam offered Neige the bag - the celebrity delicately took it. He looked into the bag in wonderment. You couldn’t help but sneak a peek yourself; sure enough, there was the bottled fragrance you’d seen in that advertisement earlier. It was really pretty, its body a crystal dark purple bottle with a small black, glass cork. Very much a product Vil would be associated with. “For the trouble you went through today, I’ll even give you a discount,” Sam offered. 

‘Damn, why can’t he be this generous all the time?’ you wondered. 

“Thank you so much!” Neige beamed. His eyes sparkled in the sunlight…man, no special effects needed for this man. “How much do I owe you?” 

“With the discount, it’ll be 30,000 madol.” 

You almost choked on your own spit. Holy shit that was a lot of money! And he gave Neige a discount? How much was it full price?! Did you even want to know? Without a second thought, Neige reached into his pocket and retrieved a cute wallet, its dark blue leather decorated with embroidered blue birds. Man, Neige’s aesthetic was pretty consistent, huh? 

In the next instant, the exact amount was in Sam’s outstretched hand - and there was still a good bit left in Neige’s wallet. Seven, you wondered if you’d have half that much if Crowley actually paid you for all the things you did for him. As Neige zipped the little pouch back up, Sam briefly counted the bills before folding them and putting them in his pocket. “A pleasure doing business with you, Mr. LeBlanche~” He then swiftly turned around back to the cones filled with shaved ice. “What flavors do you two prefer?” 

“Um…strawberries and cream are always a delight for me, but I also like any other kind of fruit.” Neige replied. 

“[Favorite flavor(s)]” you answered. 

Without a flourish of fast hands, Sam pumped colorful flavored syrups onto the small domes of shaved ice. In no time, there were two snowcones in his hands, one held out for each of you to take. “On the house,” he said. “For many, sweets are just the thing to cheer someone up after something so scary.” 

While you eyed the frozen treat was suspicion, Neige took it without complaint. “Thank you so much, Mr. Sam! You’re too kind!” 

“...what are you getting out of this from me?” you asked. How many times have you accepted something for “free” and it backfired on you later? 

“No tricks or schemes here, little imp,” Sam promised. His smile wasn’t deceiving, nor did his eyes hold any devious plan. The shopkeep looked genuine - proud, even. “Take it as a reward for such a selfless act, saving Mr. LeBlanche the way you did.” 

You hesitated for a moment longer, then finally took the snowcone. As you expected, it was your favorite flavor, just as you’d said. For once, a good deed of yours had led to a prize - with no strings attached. 

“Now, you two run along.” Sam strode past you two and opened the little door you’d entered a little while before. “No doubt you two have other things to do. That, and I’ve got my shop to run.” He shot you two another playful wink as he added, “Don’t eat those two fast, now.”

“We won’t,” Neige giggled. He held up his hand and waved as he and you began to walk away from the snack stand. “Thank you again, Mr. Sam. Have a good rest of your day!” 

“You as well, little imps.” 

Before you both could wander too far though, Sam’s voice suddenly echoed in your head. “Get your friend home safe, little imp. Don’t worry about the guy; remember, I’m taking care of it.” You could only imagine what that meant. Despite the ominous implications, you did agree with the shopkeeper: You needed to make sure Neige got home safe. 

“Let me walk you back,” you offered. “I don’t want something else like that to happen.” 

Neige’s expression was timid again, guilty even. “You really don’t mind?” 

You shook your head and smiled. “Not at all! I’d want someone to do the same for me if I’d been in that situation.” 

“I’m sure your friends would jump at the chance to do that for you.” 

‘Yeah, I hope so too,’ you thought. 

As the two of you walked back to the resort, munching your snowcones along the way, you couldn’t help but ask the question that’d been on your mind. “Who was that guy, anyway? Do you know him?” 

You almost regretted the inquiry the moment it passed your lips. Neige’s face fell, head tilted downwards as he stared down at his feet. “I…don’t know. I never got his name, actually. He said he was a fan and asked for a picture - I was happy to oblige! I don’t mind whenever someone asks for a picture of me. But,” he stalled for a moment to take a deep breath - when he exhaled, he continued, “But I could tell he wanted more than a picture.

“He kept asking where I was staying, if I was doing anything that night, if I came to the resort alone…and he wouldn’t stop touching me.” Neige mildly gestured to his waist and chest, though was careful to not jostle the small bag clasped between his fingers too much. “I-In intimate ways, I mean.” 

You hadn’t noticed how much you’d been neglecting your snowcone until you felt the cold, syrupy water drip down your fingers. You hastily lapped up the tiny streams before you spoke, eye contact solely focused on Neige’s big brown doe eyes - which, you noticed, were now slightly darkened by that fear you’d seen earlier. “He had no right to touch you like that.” 

“I know!” Neige seemed almost relieved to be validated. “I’ve always been told that by Headmaster Ambrose, and my other teachers…and yet there are others who disagree. That man isn’t the first to handle me in such a manner. Thankfully he wasn’t the most forceful; there have been others who have told me I owe them such attention because of how much they support me. Pay to see my movies, buy products I endorse - things like that.” Neige looked like he was about to cry, and you felt like you were about to join him with what he said next.

“Even some people I’ve worked with - past managers, photographers, etc - have even said I’m selfish for denying my fans what they want.” 

“And they’re all wrong.” Your words were so matter-of-fact that the boy almost appeared surprised. You stopped in your tracks, feet away from the entry gates of the resort where you knew Neige and other RSA students were residing for their trip. As if in tune with your steps, Neige stalled in turn. “Just because they support you and do all that stuff doesn’t mean they have the right to do that. They don’t own you. You’re not their property.” 

You briefly threw your hands in the air. “I don’t know where people get that kind of audacity, entitlement, but they’ve gotta be batshit cra-!” You gasped as the flavored snow to atop your paper cone went crashing to the concrete path below. A hushed ‘aww man!’ breathed past your lips as you glared down at the colored frozen heap quickly melted from the heat of the asphalt. When your gaze flicked back to Neige, you saw he was equally as shocked and disappointed. You must look like two kids who just dropped their ice cream…that’s exactly what it was, really. You wouldn’t call yourself or Neige kids, however. 

“Anyways,” you said, under a sigh of frustration at your blunder. So much for your only free treat of the trip. “Never, ever feel like you have to sit there and take what horrible things someone dishes out. You can walk away at any time - if someone faults you for that, fuck ‘em!” You watched as Neige’s hand flew up to cover his mouth, dainty bag crinkling in his hold. Oh yeah, Neige didn’t really curse, did he? Not that you knew of, at least. 

“Sorry, sorry! I shouldn’t have cursed like that. Guess I’ve been around the guys too long.” 

“N-No, it’s alright.” What you didn’t expect to hear was the smallest, most adorable giggle erupt from the young man’s throat. “You would be surprised how many of my classmates curse. Che’nya nearly outdoes them all! He just keeps it down around our professors.” Well, you seemed to cheer him up from his previous depression; that was good. “That isn’t what I’m laughing about, though.” 

“What’re you laughing about, then?” you asked, genuinely curious. 

“Well…you reminded me of Vil when you said all those things. We don’t talk very much (though I wish we would talk more often), but I have heard him give such a speech to others in the past. Beginning actors, mostly, but sometimes stage hands, assistants - many people he comes into contact with. He’s such a strong, inspiring person - one I wish to be one day.” Neige’s smile was so kind, so pure, you suddenly understood why Rook held such a fondness for the actor. The fact it was directed at you, not a fan or camera or something, gave you butterflies. “And now, I wish to be as strong and brave as you, [Name].”

You quickly grew flustered under the man’s adoring gaze. A blush crept its way up to your cheeks as you fumbled with your empty snowcone. “I mean, I’m not that brave.” 

“Untrue!” Neige’s protest was so cute you couldn’t help but smile a little. “Che’nya told me that Trey told him how you helped Riddle come out of his overblot. That takes a lot of courage! I could never dream of facing such a thing!”

“It is pretty scary,” you admitted. “There were points in time I thought I was going to die, or at least get hurt. Sometimes I did get hurt…but I had friends to help me get out of those troubles.” While that blush stubbornly remained on your face, you met Neige eye-to-eye once more. “And that’s why you should tell a friend whenever that happens. Never be afraid to call out for help. Whether a celebrity or just a student, everyone needs it at some point.”

Your smile quirked up into a smirk. “If someone thinks otherwise,” you balled your free hand up into a fist and held it in front of you, “fuck ‘em.”

“Yeah!” Neige cheered, more enthusiastically than you thought he might. “Fuck ‘em!” The moment the naughty phrase left his lips, Neige let out a squeak and covered it again. His eyes darted in every direction, looking to see if anyone heard him. For once, to your luck, no one was about. As relief washed over the RSA second year, he went into another fit of giggles.

“Sorry!” he laughed. “I got too carried away.”

You shrugged away his apology. “Fine by me.” You shot him a wink as you pressed a finger to your lips. “I’ll never tell a soul~” 

Neige tittered so sweetly you almost thought you heard it wrong. “I very much appreciate it.” The pretty boy glanced down at the wet patch of concrete where your icy treat once lay. “I’m sorry about your snowcone…” 

You were also sorry, very disappointed, but you didn’t want to add another worry to the poor guy’s mind. So, you shrugged again and said, “Eh, it’s not that big of a deal. It’s just a snowcone - not like I can’t get another.” Partly a lie, as you didn’t know whether or not you could afford one with your extra tight budget. Maybe you could manage to convince a friend or professor to get you one in the future…

A little flinch jolted your body as a snowcone was thrust into your face. “Here,” Neige’s eyes practically glittered with determination, “take mine.” 

You shook your head and put your hands out in front of you, one still partially clasping your now crumpled paper cone. “N-No, you don’t have to-”

“I want to.” Neige’s frowny pout morphed into yet another angelic smile. “Like you said, there will be more opportunities to get a snowcone. Che’nya talked about us and some of our friends getting some later - so, I want you to have mine.” Something popped into the boy’s mind, which caused him to falter in his resolve, but just a tad. “I-I hope you like strawberries and cream. That’s the flavor. It’s artificially flavored-”

“How can you tell it’s artificially flavored?” you asked, actually curious. 

“My tastebuds are a little sensitive. Artificial strawberry tastes a bit different than actual strawberries do.” 

Huh, cool talent. Whether or not you enjoyed the taste of either the fruit or the cream didn’t matter at the moment; Neige’s gesture was too sweet to pass up. That, and how many times would you receive such a selfless act? At Night Raven College, likely as slim a chance as you not encountering another overblot in the next month or so. You took the snowcone from the boy’s fingers - which were very soft to the touch, you now noticed - as your smile widened in gratitude. “Thanks.”

“Of course.” Neige’s nod was so endearing you were starting to feel how Rook might have felt when he came face to face with his idol months ago. You were also beginning to see why Vil envied the man so much. He was irresistible! Neige folded his hands in front of his naval, fingers fidgeting with the handles of the pink bag as he spoke again. “Well, I best be going. Che’nya will grow worried if I don’t show up to the pool at the time we set.” 

“You’re the punctual type?” 

“Yes, very much. I wouldn’t want to be rude.” 

“I don’t know,” you mused. “I think a little rebellion would look cute on you.” Well where in Wonderland did that come from? Since when were you a smooth operator? You watched as Neige’s pale face took on a pink tinge around his cheeks and nose, and a little at the tips of his ears. Did he…like that? For the way his voice came out a little shy, he must have. 

“W-Well, I might have to take lessons from you on how to be rebellious later. I’ve never really thought about it…” 

“Che’nya hasn’t dragged you into trouble yet? It seems to be a habit of his at Heartslabyul.” 

“It is, yes. I could ask him, but I wouldn’t want to get into trouble at school, nor would I want to make Glynda angry-”

“Who’s Glynda?” 

“My current manager.” 

Ah. 

“Although…” Neige peeked up at you again, an equally timid smile across his face. “I don’t have much scheduled for June. School will not be in session then; maybe, when we’re out for the summer, you could teach me a bit then?”

Wait…was he…? Nah, couldn’t be. THE Neige LeBlanche would not ask you on a date. With a cheery lint under your tone, you replied, “Yeah, sure! Just send me a te-” You thought about your dinosaur age, crap phone Crowley had graciously given you over winter break. You decided against your previous suggestion. 

“Actually, just send me a letter or something. My phone’s…broken.” 

“I’ll be sure to do so the moment the time comes.” Neige took a few steps back, about to take his leave. He lifted his hand and gave a little wave. “Well, goodbye, [Name]. Thank you for helping me. I hope we can spend more time together soon.” 

“Yeah, I hope so too.” 

In minutes, the man was gone, disappearing through the glass doors and into the hotel lobby. You stared after him for a few seconds more before you turned toward the front gates, making your way back to your own resort. It’d be quite the walk - you couldn’t afford a cab or bus, or whatever transport they had in the area. By the time you’d get back to your hotel, it’d be close to dinner time. No need to have someone send a search party out for you. So, you took a bit of a speedy pace as you walked out the open gates and down the road. 

All the way back, you thought about the promise you made to Neige. You two hadn’t really talked before then; now, it seemed, you two were forming a friendship. To think your first hang out would be you teaching the good boy how to rebel! Just what would you teach him, you wondered. Maybe you could get Ruggie to teach you how to pick a lock…that would be a good start, right? And it’d be useful in sticky situations the young man might run into one day. The beauty couldn’t always rely on someone to come and save them!

Beauty…yeah, yeah Neige was really pretty. Your heart fluttered as you recalled how those big brown orbs beheld you as though you were the most wonderful thing in existence. Your own pupils trailed down to the snowcone in your hand. The icy crystals, bright red mixed with pale cream, twinkled in the sunlight. Little bites had been taken out of the treat by Neige earlier; to eat the shaved ice that’d graced the celebrity’s lips would almost be like giving him an indirect… With a heavy heart and a pang of guilt, you tossed the snowcone into the nearest garbage can. You just couldn’t do it - it felt too intimate for a boy you barely knew. 

For now, at least. 

[noxturnalnymph]

The Devil's Wife

Devil!Joel x Witch!OFC (7.1k) DARKAU! Joel Miller where he is the literal Devil, and the OFC is a witch named LUNA with moderate physical description. 

Summary: OFC is a witch who is a member of an elite coven who take their relationship with their Dark Lord quite seriously. This upper echelon of witches practice the darkest of magic and initiation to their circle involves a wedding ceremony that has them pledging their lives and bodies in unholy union to Lucifer himself. What happens when one of his brides (ofc) calls upon her betrothed for help one Halloween night? Will the Devil rise to save her? And what will be the cost of his rescue?

Warnings: 18+ MDNI. Satanic worship, witchcraft, SEX, satanic panic seduction, coercion, DubCon, monsters of the blood-drinking variety, talk of blood, violence, and death.

A/N: Entirely based on a dream I had last year but never got around to writing it. Is it Joel Miller, or is it just Pedro in a black suit? I don't know, who cares? Just enjoy it (or don't). Happy Halloween!!

The clouds part just as she steps out into the chilly October air, showcasing the sliver of the waning crescent moon hanging precariously in the sky. A breeze gusts down the alley, scraping leaves along the pavement and blowing her skirt tightly against her ankles. She pulls her maroon cloak over her head and forces herself against the wind, heading towards the warm glow of the sidewalk streetlamp.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to drive you home, Luna?” a tender voice calls from behind her.

She turns towards the voice, her friend and fellow witch Jadis following her out of their coven’s late-night gathering. The shorter witch’s honey-colored eyes probe as she tucks her lower lip between her teeth. Her rich, dark skin blends completely with the alley but begins to look like melted chocolate as the orange glow of the street crosses her rounded face. Jadis draws her cloak tight around her middle, mumbling about the cold and the hour of the meeting’s conclusion.

“You live in the opposite direction than I do,” Luna says, forcing a smile on her cheeks against the numbing chill of the wind, whipping violently now that they’re out in the open.

“I just worry about you walking all that way alone-”

“It’s Halloween, my friend,” she interrupts. “The streets are full of revelers.”

“But it’s 3am!” her friend counters.

“Then the streets will be full of drunks,” she says, clapping her hands together and silencing any further refutation from her worrisome cohort. “I shall be perfectly fine, just as I always am.”

They part ways with a hug and the lone witch cinches her hood tighter, marching down the street against the wind with her head held high. She makes it to the edge of the cemetery, humming a tune in harmony with the whistling wind, before she starts to have regrets about her late-night walk. It’s not the temperature of the biting air, the tedious walk through the village to her little part of the woods, or the spookiness of the creeping fog rolling through the wrought-iron gate that runs alongside the stiff gravestones. It’s partly the snickering she keeps hearing popping up behind her - potentially drunk frat boys about to play games with the wrong witch, but mostly the wet shoe she’s currently plodding on - having just stepped ankle-deep into a freezing puddle formed between the broken sidewalk stones.

“Girl,” she hears them whisper for the tenth time. 

She looks ahead of her just in time to see a large dark figure curl around the tall brick column that marks the entrance gate of the cemetery. Great, she thinks, they got brave enough to come out and play. She stealthily moves her hand to her inner pocket, grabbing hold of a small vial of a special brew she concocted for situations such as this. She sees his pale painted face contort into a nefarious grin, the dim lights dotting the street glinting off his elongated canines. Another Twilight fan, she groans, rolling her eyes in the shadow of her cloak.

“Little red riding hood,” the fiend croons, stepping out onto the sidewalk. 

She hears the scraping footsteps of at least two of his friends closing in behind her.

“Sorry Sparkles, I’ve got a date with the big bad wolf,” she mutters, attempting to step around him.

His cold hand reaches out faster than she expected, grabbing onto her arm. Cursing, she tries to pull her arm free from his grip but hears his nails ripping against the fabric of her cloak. What kind of claws did this guy put on tonight? She thinks he must be sobering up from whatever party he skulked out of, because his hold remains firm and he yanks her back to face him. She hears the scuffling come to a halt behind her, as his companions resume their snickering laughter.

“Don’t be rude,” he draws each word out purposefully.

A thought occurs to her that bruising her arm with his grip might actually be what is considered rude, but she doesn’t bother to voice it. Mortals can be so irksome when they’ve imbibed enough alcohol to embolden their twisted desires and put action to troubling behaviors. Pulling it out of her cloak, she lifts her unrestrained arm high, the small vial clutched tight in her hand, and drops it to the ground swiftly.

It breaks open with a soft tinkle, dark smoke rising from the cobbled stones, obscuring her surroundings and sending her would-be attackers into a coughing fit. She feels his hold loosen as she slips her arm away, stepping aside and darting into the cemetery gate beyond, leaving them behind to suffer her spell. She manages to stifle the laugh that bubbles up inside her and slinks along the pathway in the ancient resting place, ducking under old tree boughs and over wet blades of overgrown grass.

A short while later she finds herself nearing the back edge of the cemetery, the western woods looming just beyond. She would have preferred to take the worn pathways into the forest - her forest - to trek back to her cozy cottage home, but those bothersome boys have changed her plans. No matter, this way will be faster, she’ll just have to deal with cleaning the mud off her shoes and clothes when she gets home. She reaches to unlatch the creaking gate at the back fence, its lock long since broken, when freezing cold fingers lace over her bare arm.

“Not so fast, little witch,” he hisses.

She gasps a breath that doesn’t fill her lungs. How did he escape the effects of her potion? The tall, pale-faced man stands before her once again. She looks down at his hand, ghostly white against her skin, darkened veins showing even in the low light, and long dirty nails sharpened to a dangerous point. It doesn’t really look like a costume now that she’s up close. She drags her eyes to his face, noting the dark hollows in his cheeks and under his eyes. His coal-black eyes. His dark red mouth twists into a smile once again and she is beginning to think his sharp incisors aren’t part of a costume either.

“Monster,” she spits. “Unhand me.”

She spins out of the way just as one of the others snaps his jaws next to her ear, missing his target. With her arm still ensnared she is unable to move very far, and collides into the chest of the third, a rotten scent wafting off him hitting her nostrils as she stumbles towards the ground. Out of the clutches of the creature once again, she scuttles back, cornering herself against an old sunken grave with a broken headstone.

She reaches her left hand out in front of her, palm facing them, momentarily halting their movements. The plain band on her fourth finger glints off the moonlight, catching her attention. It gives her an idea.

“You bloodsuckers don’t know who you’re messing with, do you?” she hums, cracking a sideways smile.

The two giggling figures skip around her in circles as the towering demon lowers his face to meet hers, a wet smirk curving his face into a twisted visage.

“Why don’t you enlighten us,” he replies.

“My husband is-” 

Her next words are replaced by a piercing shriek, as the fangs of one of the beasts connect with the left side of her neck. She feels his sharp teeth ripping through her delicate skin and the pain burns across her in a fiery wave. Before she can fight him off, the grinning ghoul in front of her grabs her arm yet again, the left one with the simple golden ring, sinking his greedy maw into her wrist. Sharp pain shoots up her arm and her lungs empty on a scream. She sucks in air to cry out again but a filthy hand is clamped over her mouth first, muting the wail she attempts when the third monster’s teeth pierce the flesh of her other arm just above her elbow.

She lies on her back on the ground, the pain searing through her quickly giving way to a numbness washing across her skin. With the cool soothing of the pain comes a stilling calm, altogether paralyzing her from fighting back or even wanting to. The grimy hand slides from her lips as her mouth fails to make any additional sounds. My husband, she mouths the words. Her eyes drift to her left hand, her wedding ring just beyond the monster’s head still reflecting light, even as blood drips from her wrist across her fingers. 

He’s going to kill you, she thinks, unable to even form words now.

The cemetery has turned dark and she slowly realizes that she must have closed her eyes. She can still hear the wind whipping through the trees, creaking branches and blowing dried leaves against the fence nearby. There are no other noises among the silent tombs other than the sloppy slurping noises of the three vampires who are draining her body. 

She sees a dim light in the distance, like a flickering candle. No, she thinks, it can’t be a candle because her eyes are closed. She watches the candle getting closer to her, or maybe she’s getting closer to it. The bright orange glow from the candle becomes clearer as it nears, until finally she sees it right in front of her.

It’s a solitary tapered black candle, gently burning as wax drips slowly along its side. It’s just like the candle she lit at her initiation ceremony, she thinks. The coven of witches she belongs to is elite and extremely difficult to join. Her aunt had extended the invite when she showed rare magical aptitude as a teenager. Only second daughters can join, as the condition of induction was to pledge your body, mind, and life in unholy matrimony to the Dark Lord Lucifer himself. She was honored to be chosen and after many years of apprenticeship, she lit the black candle on a full moon a little over a year ago. It was identical to the candle she is looking at now, the candle she lit at her wedding to the Devil.

The flame before her suddenly gutters and goes out, leaving her in complete darkness.

***

She feels it before she senses anything else, the warmth spreading across her face, radiating out from her lips. Her cheeks burn against the freezing wind and her hair, no longer bound by her cloak, tickles wispy tendrils across her forehead. Long moments pass as the warmth spreads and finally she opens her eyes, suddenly swallowing a scream. Except she can’t scream. There is a man pressing his lips to hers.

She is being kissed by a stranger. 

A man with deep espresso eyes meets her gaze, dark curly hair falling over his forehead. He pulls back from her, his facial hair tickling her lip as his mouth curls into a shy smile.

“Welcome back” his voice, thick as syrup, coats her consciousness.

“I-,” she starts, realizing that the warmth is now spreading down her chest, across her stomach, and flowing into her arms and legs. “Did I-”

“Die?” he finishes quietly. “Yeah.”

Her eyes widen, the sharp teeth of the creatures coming back to the forefront of her mind. She looks around frantically, suddenly worried they might return to rip into her flesh and drain her dry.

“They’re gone,” he answers the question she didn’t ask.

He rises up onto his feet, and she sees he’s dressed in all black. He wears pressed black trousers and shiny dress shoes that somehow don’t have a speck of mud on them. He tugs on his black suit jacket, straightening it, and presses his hand over his black shirt and tie, smoothing out invisible wrinkles. This man looks like he just came from a fancy gala, she thinks, not that he was just crouched over her lifeless form in a dirty cemetery.

He reaches his hands out to her and she surprisingly takes them without question, allowing him to help her to her shaky feet. Before she can protest he wraps an arm around her waist and although part of her wants to object she knows that she wouldn’t be able to remain standing if he hadn’t done so.

“Let me walk you home,” he says softly, guiding her to the back gate and basically carrying her along the neglected path into the woods.

She doesn’t speak, although her mind is racing a mile a minute. Did she really die? She remembers being attacked by the vampires and not being able to fight them off but she doesn’t remember what happened after that. She weakly raises her left hand up, inspecting her wrist and seeing nothing but unblemished skin absent of any marks including any dried blood that should be there, remembering how it ran in rivulets from the monster’s wet lips. She brings her fingers to her neck, brushing them over smooth skin there as well. It would seem that her bite wounds have somehow been healed and she has been cleaned of any and all evidence of her attack.

Who in the world is this man, she wonders. Maybe the vampires left and he luckily showed up just in time, perhaps reviving her somehow. He certainly doesn’t look like someone who just fought off three bloodsucking beasts and how could he anyways, without being attacked himself? It isn’t until they reach the clearing in the woods where her small cottage sits, a lantern on the porch giving off a warm glow, that she realizes she never told him where she lived.

She pulls away, feeling a bit stronger now, and wanting to distance herself from the seemingly kind but rather unusual man who has inexplicably returned her to her secluded abode. Wait, was that mouth-to-mouth or was he kissing her when she was dead? She gives him a sideways glance and plasters the most polite smile she can manage onto her face. Smoothing strands of her tousled hair away from her face, she turns to him and her eyes widen as the man in black reaches forward and plucks a leaf out of her hair. He drops it, letting the wind carry it away as he smiles sweetly at her, looking harmless as a lamb.

“Thank you for-,” 

“What is your name?” he interrupts.

“Oh-, I-, Luna,” she stammers, caught off guard by his inquiry.

“Luna,” he repeats, drawing her name out as he wraps his lips around the vowels.

“Yes, and thank you for-” she attempts again, trailing off as he slowly steps around her, continuing to walk towards her porch. “-for helping me, I guess,” she finishes, turning to follow him while wondering what she’s really thanking him for. Did he save her? “I don’t know how to repay you,” she speaks to his back as he climbs up the steps, “but I’m thankful for your assistance.”

“Do you live out here all alone?” he asks, ignoring the gratitude she’s attempting.

“That’s-,” none of your business, she thinks. She doesn’t want to be rude so instead she says, “this cottage has been in my family for generations.”

It’s not a lie. She is - in fact - the only member of her family living in the one-bedroom dwelling right now but it has been lived in by members of her family for over two hundred years.

“It’s not safe for a young girl to be out here alone in the woods,” he says, reaching for the handle and opening the door she knows she locked when she left the house earlier today with no resistance.

She wants to protest that she can take care of herself, which is her usual response when people say things like this, but given what has transpired tonight she bites her tongue. Instead she follows him as he enters her home without invitation, drawn into the main room. She watches as he closely inspects framed photos on the walls, touches the spines of old books on her bookshelf, and toggles the flue of her chimney as he passes the hearth.

She wants to ask him to leave. No, she wants to physically shoo him out of her home. Who does this man think he is and what right does he have to waltz into her home and parade around as if it were his own? She reaches towards the vial in her pocket only to bitterly recall having already used it tonight in her attempt to disable her attackers. 

She follows a way behind him, straightening what he’s poking out of alignment and trying to ignore her growing sense of unease. She looks up at the man in black to find him stopped and standing very close to her. She gasps in a sharp breath as he seems to examine her with a curious stare. A long moment of silence passes as a gentle smile builds on his face. She pushes past the knots forming in her stomach in an awkward attempt to match his gesture.

“You’re married?” he asks.

“What?” Her brows knit, surprised by the query.

“You were mumbling about a husband when I found you,” he explains, pointing to the golden ring on her finger as further evidence.

“Oh, I-,” and she pauses, unsure of how to proceed. 

She turns towards the fireplace, using the hand he motioned towards to push some dust around the thick wooden mantle. She curses herself. She should have said she lived here with her husband when he asked if she was alone but he’s already come to the conclusion she is the solitary occupant of the tiny cottage. But she is wearing a wedding ring and he apparently heard her talking about her husband in the cemetery. She can’t very well explain to this mortal man in black that she’s married to the Devil, he’ll come back with a pitchfork carrying mob. Best case scenario is she winds up in a psych hospital and worst case is that she becomes kindling.

Wait, how did he hear her talking about her husband, she thinks? She only remembers mentioning him to the vampires before the attack and then any words beyond that didn’t seem to leave her mind. 

She whips back around to find him standing even closer now and before she can react he grabs her left hand in his. She opens her mouth to scream but he lifts her hand to his lips, placing a gentle kiss right over her wedding band. A warmth spreads across her hand and up her arm, jolting her body as images play across her mind.

***

Her body lay bloodless over the damp soil of someone else’s grave. Three greedy ghouls, licking crimson from their craws, eyes glistening with glee. The thrashing wind comes to an eerie still and the man in black materializes in the shadows of a nearby willow. He stalks silently but the creatures see him coming and let out a loud hiss, frantically fleeing at the mere sight of him. The man in black raises his hand, snapping his fingers, and white-hot flames instantly engulf each vampire. He stops to watch them burning, their tormented howls piercing the night, until they are nothing but shadows and ash carried away on the breeze. He moves to his knees at her side, touching the ring on her left hand reverently, before he leans down and places his lips over hers.

***

She takes in a deep breath, her lantern-lit cabin coming back into focus around her, the man in black still bowed slightly in front of her, lips against her hand. He raises his head and his rich brown eyes meet hers once more, only this time she knows exactly who she’s looking at.

“Hello, wife,” he smiles sweetly.

Her eyebrows climb up her forehead as she attempts to pull back her hand from his gentle grip, which tightens in response over her delicate fingers. She’s no longer a stranger to the true nature of the man in black who stands in front of her, having sacrificed her immortal soul to him in order to draw on his supernatural influence to fuel her dark magic. But to have him actually standing in her living room, the raw power radiating off him is enough to make her bones ache, and she finds herself stunned and a bit scared. She continues to try and wriggle out of his crushing grip until he stills her with his words.

“Aren’t you lonely out here all alone?” he questions, his lips still upturned into a saccharine grin.

“No I-, I prefer to be alone,” she stutters.

“Is that why you want me to leave even though I just got here?” his mouth turns to a frown.

“No!” She exclaims. “I don’t want you to leave, I just-”

“I did exactly what you wanted, didn’t I?” He lets go of her as he begins to circle her in the small space. “You wanted me to destroy those monsters who dared to lay a finger on you and I did. And then I fixed you up good as new. Well… almost” he winks at her as he tucks a loose strand of her messy hair behind her ear. 

“Yes, I was-,” she shakes her head, the nerves sending a hot wave up her neck to burn at her cheeks. “Thank you,” she stammers.

“You don’t have to thank me, wife,” he hums. “I always take care of what’s mine.”

“Yours…” she trails off.

“Yes,” he smiles. “You are.” He strokes his fingers against her cheek, so warm against her still-chilled skin. “You were saying something about repayment and I think I’d like to make a request.” His smile is sickly sweet once again, boring deep into her.

“Oh-,” she starts before he grabs both her hands in his, silencing her.

“I think I’d like another kiss.”

Another, she thinks, because their first kiss was when she was… deceased.

“Yes,” he continues as if reading her thoughts. “Our first kiss felt like ‘Snow White and the Prince who woke her from her slumber’. But our story isn’t a fairytale, is it my dear bride?”

“No,” she whispers tentatively.

“No,” he agrees. “Our story is one of dedication,” he places his large, warm hands on her shoulders. “Of adoration,” he continues, pushing down until she sinks to her knees. “Of worship,” she tilts her chin to look up at his dark gaze above her now. “And that deserves a very different kind of kiss, don’t you agree?”

She manages to nod her head slightly as he reaches to unbuckle his belt. Watching as he unzips his trousers and pulls himself out of his pants, she’s not surprised to see how well-endowed he is but is a bit shocked at how stiff he’s already become.

He cups his right hand around her neck, pushing his length towards her face with his other hand. She finds herself pursing her lips together in a kiss only to have him push past them into her empty mouth. Of course she knew what he wanted, not just a kiss, but she’s still feeling a bit disoriented. He makes tentative, shallow thrusts while her hands rest on the front of his thighs before she hears him muttering above her through clenched teeth.

“Come now, wife, I thought you were grateful.”

She reaches to grip him and puts some effort into her ministrations. It’s not that she’s inexperienced but it has been a while since she was with a man, since before her wedding ceremony certainly. When she pledged her body to the Dark Lord, she certainly wasn’t envisioning having to perform an act such as this. However, she figures the best course of action is to not just let him take what he wants, but to give him an unforgettable experience. It's in her best interest to show him how appreciative she really is of his rescue.

She pulls her head back, swirling her tongue over his tip, while pumping him firmly with one hand. When she hears him moan in response and grab her hair in his fist, she knows she’s on the right track. She flattens her tongue along her bottom teeth and lets him guide her head up and down, taking him deeper with each pass until she begins to make choked gagging noises.

He lets go and she pants, wiping away the drool that now streaks her chin and hears him chuckle above her at the sound of her gasping breaths. Before she can stop herself, she scratches her nails down his thighs, probably harder than she should have given the fact that he’s the Prince of Darkness. A hissing intake of breath is followed by a deep, rumbling laugh that seems to reverberate off the walls of the small cabin and vibrate deep in her chest, and then his hand is back in her hair in a rough, twisting tug.

He shoves himself past her lips in one go this time, hitting the back of her throat with a gurgle and this time she lets him use her mouth like a toy, grabbing at his ass and holding on tightly. This goes on for several agonizing minutes, him allowing her to gulp in much-needed air in between the rough, dominating ramming of his pelvis into her chin. Finally she hears him cry out just as he pulls away, immediately grabbing himself tightly at the base of his shaft and shaking his head.

“Oh, that was close,” he says breathlessly, laughing without humor. “That lovely mouth of yours is so decadent, wife, that I almost lost control.”

Good, she thinks, and she can’t stop the smug smile that creeps across her face.

“Proud of yourself my little witch?” He tilts her chin up to meet his eyes, brushing away escaped saliva from her cheek. “Let’s see what happens when you’re the one being so deliciously tormented.”

At this point she has no idea what to expect of him but grabbing her off the floor and throwing her over his shoulders was certainly not something she anticipated, so the surprised wail that escapes her lips is almost inaudible to human ears. She hears him chuckle yet again as they pass through the door concealed as a bookcase to carry her into her bedroom. The man in black walks through this home as if he owns it, she thinks, before she recalls herself bowing before a black altar and offering everything she possesses in service to him. 

Perhaps this house is more his than hers, she recognizes, as she hears him hum in agreement to a thought she didn’t speak out loud. Before she can question his possible reading of her thoughts she’s deposited onto her four-poster bed, with its velvet emerald curtains wrapped around walnut-hued spires, vines carved in swirls around them. Her vision focuses on the man in black before her only to realize that he’s no longer wearing a stitch of clothing. She opens her mouth to speak but her eyes catch on her own body, laid bare in front of him.

“How- ohhh,” her questioning is cut short when he dives forward, spreading her legs and latching his mouth to her core in one fluid movement. 

He drags his tongue up her seam and then closes his lips around her sensitive nub. He begins to pulse his tongue against her and she is unable to stop herself from immediately crying out in pleasure. She’s positive that he knows exactly what he’s doing when in under sixty seconds her back is already bowing off the bed, her nails digging into the sheets, her voice crying out in ecstasy.

He pulls back and gently places kisses on the insides of her thighs, she feels the warm huffing breath of his laughter blowing across her wetness. He gives her a short moment of reprieve before he slowly pushes a gloriously thick finger into her wet heat, moving to swirl his tongue across her overstimulated bundle of nerves. He lets her writhe and wiggle, attempting to move away only until the sensitivity fades and she finds herself grinding her center towards his face for more.

Somehow she has her wits about her enough to grab his hair this time, eliciting a hum of approval from him that she feels vibrate against her. She’s proud to see that she’s able to hold out a bit longer before her orgasm tips her over the edge, but her ego crumbles when instead of stopping he continues his ministrations to bring a third crashing wave of pleasure immediately after the second.

Delicious torment, indeed.

He pulls his face back again, glistening with her arousal and smiles a devilish grin, his pupils blown so wide that his eyes are nearly black. He roams up her body, placing kisses that feel more like bites than smooches, devouring with his eyes what his mouth can’t reach.

“Husband,” she keens, the desperation in her voice unfamiliar to her ears.

The responding growl that escapes his chest seems to shake not only the room but the entire forest around them, vibrating deep into the wood foundation. He grabs her ankles and spreads her legs obscenely wide, notching his thick head at her entrance and sliding it back and forth, coating himself in her wetness. He waits until she’s clawing at his chest, head thrown back and begging him in frenzied babbles, and only then does he finally push himself into the clutch of her.

“My magnificent mate, what an agreeable display of thankfulness you’ve given me today,” he proclaims, setting a fervent pace. “So welcoming to your dark angel, eagerly performing such valued wifely duties for him,” he continues to prattle, more for his sake than her own since all she can manage in response is frenzied moaning. “Perhaps I’ll have to keep a closer eye on you, my wanton little witch.”

He pushes on the back of her legs, driving her knees towards her chest and hitting inside her at a new angle that causes her to scream out in bliss. She wraps her own arms around her legs, holding them tight to her as he mutters words of encouragement and praise. She feels another orgasm building inside her, starting as a tingle at the base of her spine.

He leans forward and spans his large hand across her throat. “Whose pussy is this?” he asks, giving her no time to respond before he’s demanding more answers. “Who’s the only one who gets you down on your knees? Who is the only one who makes you come? Who do you belong to? Who? Who?”

She manages to scratch out a long wail of “you,” beneath the pressure of his hold before she starts to tremble and break apart, coming again in a seizing crest. In a half growl he demands she open her mouth and when she enthusiastically obeys he leans over her and spits, gripping tightly at her neck to feel her strained swallow. Only then does he let himself lose control, grabbing her hips with a bruising grip and pounding away half a dozen more times before he lets loose a roaring release, pumping his warm spend deep inside her.

***

She pads out of the shower, head and body wrapped in warm towels, and comes across her amorous husband perched on the edge of the bed once again dressed in his all-black ensemble. She sees him looking into the nightstand drawer he has opened and before he can reach his hand in to grab what she’s sure is something she’d be rather embarrassed to have to explain, she clears her throat. His hands still but he doesn’t appear surprised by her presence, likely having no qualms about being caught peeping through her unmentionables.

Wordlessly, he shoots her a glare, displaying ire that is no doubt driven by the trove of sex toys he’s just discovered stashed away in her bedside drawer. She shrugs and heads to her dresser, turning her back on him to pull out her pajamas and giving what she hopes is a flippant but playful reply. 

“Just because I’m married doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy myself when I’m alone.”

He says nothing in response but she hears a throaty rumble and notices the flames dance higher for a moment in response. She turns to find him behind her, although she didn’t hear him approach, so close now that she can feel the heat of his body radiating onto her skin. He pulls the towel loose from her hair and caresses the side of her face, tucking some loose strands behind her ear. She bumps backwards against the dresser but stills as he leans forward and places a gentle kiss onto her forehead.

“Are you leaving?” she asks, hating the disappointment she hears evident in her voice.

“I have things to attend to, but worry not darling wife, I will return to you,” he speaks against her forehead and she isn’t sure if the flip her stomach does is from excitement or fear of his promise. “Be careful out here in these woods alone, it’s just not safe,” he echoes his earlier sentiment and she nods her head silently in a placating gesture. 

She shuffles her slippered feet, seeing him to the door and watches him as he walks until his dark form reaches the edge of the glow of the lantern lights and he slips back into the shadows.

***

“I can’t believe it,” Jadis guffaws, having listened to Luna’s entire recalling of the events of Halloween night.

“I swear to you, every word is true,” she lies, having told her friend the truth of the evening almost a fortnight ago up until the moment the man in black pushed her to her knees. Something about how the night ended made the whole encounter feel even more unbelievable, so she twisted the truth a bit to tell a story of a grateful wife ending the night with a chaste kiss instead.

“No, I can’t believe you waited two weeks to tell me about it!” the small witch exclaims loudly, both of them erupting into a fit of laughter, the hysterics sending the small car wobbling in its lane. “Did you tell the coven elders about it?” she wonders, having finally gotten a hold on her laughter and the steering wheel.

“Oh, Gods no,” Luna deflects. “This sort of thing is probably so commonplace, I wouldn’t want anyone to think I’m bragging.”

But that was another lie. She knew damn well that if the Morning Star himself had ever appeared before any of the other witches in her coven that entire memoirs would have been written about it, let alone engaged in the manner of acts that he had with her. She felt heat passing across her cheeks as her mind flashed through memories of them together. As for telling the coven, she was never one to brag and she didn’t want to set off any jealousies. 

Technically they were all married to him, each and every one of a long line of witches having given themselves over to him and while it gave them deep and lasting power, he’d never bestowed any personal gifts upon any of them. In nearly two centuries of recorded history of their coven, he had never whispered sweet nothings on the wind, sprouted flowers in a garden on an anniversary, or intervened at all in any of their daily lives.

Even while she practices this internal rationalization with herself she knows that it is also a lie and that the real reason she's kept it secret is that his visit to her had made her feel special. It made her feel like she might really be the powerful witch she’d been told she was while growing up and that even their Dark Lord took unique notice of her. It made her feel cared for, perhaps a feeling intensified by her solitary lifestyle and etched into her mind by his repeated reminders of her being “all alone in the woods”.

She remembers the way his warmth spread across her as he placed his lips over hers and the mischief that danced in his eyes when he stood above her in her living room. A buzzing feeling spreads down her chest and settles deep in her belly as she recalls the way he coaxed pleasure from her over and over again, and his delightful threat to keep a closer eye on her plays on repeat in her mind.

Loud sirens sound behind them, knocking her from her reverie and startling Jadis into quickly pulling over on the side of the road. Two large fire trucks speed by them, blaring horns and flashing lights. Behind them follow several police cars and two smaller fire department trucks. Once the raucous cavalcade passes, Jadis pulls back onto the road and follows along the darkening route out of town.

A short drive later as the car meanders along the winding drive into the woods, the fading sunlight gives way to quite a spectacle ahead of them. The woods ahead seem to be glowing a magnificent orange while red and blue lights flash blindingly against the tree trunks. A heavy fog obscurs the view as bundled figures run from truck to truck, dragging hoses around and shouting muffled orders from behind helmets with face masks.

Not fog… smoke.

Her woods are on fire. Her cottage is on fire. She ignores Jadis’ protests and jumps from the passenger seat of the car before it has even stopped moving, vaulting herself towards her home. Before she can get close she feels large arms wrap around her middle, stopping her forward movement as two firemen approach her with their arms out, trying to calm her down. Eventually she settles and the man holding her, dressed head to toe in firefighter gear, releases his grip around her while keeping one hand gently on her shoulder.

When the blaze is finally extinguished she lets the fireman who has comforted her guide her around the smoldering perimeter of what was her centuries-old home. The inferno had burned hot and quick and she doesn’t recognize anything to be salvageable, save for the cast iron cauldron she sees sitting among the fallen hearthstones. She turns to him in the dark, his face completely hidden behind his mask, and sees only her own image reflected in his visor; trails of tears streak her soot-covered cheeks and strands of hair chaotically twist in the wind, matching the mood of the evening.

She feels more tears stinging at her eyes and lets the broad-shouldered fireman turn her away from the sight of the destruction, tugging her against his smoke-scented jacket and tapping a gentle hand on her back in sympathy. She feels herself break open and let go, sobbing deeply into this stranger’s shoulder for several minutes before she takes deep breaths and slowly collects herself.

A tall, tie-wearing fireman approaches her alongside a shorter man sporting a police uniform and a very thick mustache. She turns to them, sniffling and wiping her tears from her face.

“Is there anywhere we can take you, Miss?” the officer questions with a nasally voice.

“Do you want us to call anyone, your husband maybe?” the warm voice beside her asks.

“Oh, sorry ma’am, I didn’t see the ring,” the officer apologizes. 

“They think the fire may have originated from the nightstand in the bedroom, but the fire investigators are still working,” the tall man speaks in a deep soothing voice while she focuses on the glinting badge pinned to his chest that reads 'Fire Chief'.

“Can we take you back into town?” the officer continues. “Maybe there’s a hotel or somewhere your husband can meet up with you?”

She sniffles, the mention of her husband stinging at her wounded pride. The man in black had been attentive enough to bring her back from the dead but apparently not to stop her home from burning to the ground. Keep a closer eye, my ass, she thinks bitterly. She wants to be upset but a part of her tries to rationalize that she should still be grateful that he intervened at all on that violent Halloween eve. However, tonight’s events have the euphoric high of the last two weeks quickly wearing off, and she feels another jab of hurt that he hasn’t tried to contact her once since he left.

“I can drive you to your Aunt’s house,” a small voice speaks up behind her, and Luna emerges from the fog of her thoughts to realize that Jadis has been here the whole time.

Fresh tears spill down her cheeks as she nods a small thanks, taking her friend’s outstretched hand and letting herself be guided back towards the little car parked down the drive.

“Hey,” she hears a shy voice speak up. 

She turns around to see the familiar broad-shoulders of the fireman who has been her companion for hours. He takes large steps, coming to stand right in front of her in the drive and Jadis continues on to wait in the car, giving them privacy.

“Be careful, okay?” he pleads, and she opens her mouth to tell him she’ll be fine. “It’s not safe for a young girl to be out here alone in the woods,” he finishes, reaching a gloved hand forward to tuck a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

She freezes, watching her own eyes go wide in the reflection of his visor. She reaches a hand forward slowly, grabbing the bottom of the mask. When he makes no move to stop her, she flips it up, knocking his helmet off of his head in the process. She knows what she’s expecting to see under the mask, or rather who she is expecting to see. 

What she doesn’t expect is for the entire uniform to collapse in front of her very eyes, landing in a limp pile on the ground at her feet as if nothing but a spectre had inhabited it. With shaking hands she leans down and grabs a small white paper sticking out of the collar of the empty jacket. She flips it over in her trembling fingers, reading it several times. It’s a business card for Joel Miller, a familiar face smiling from a photo on one side of the card. The Devil’s in the Details, Inc., it says, and below that is written ‘Home Building & Realty’, along with a local address and phone number.

On the back of the card is a handwritten note:

I always take care of what’s mine. xx - your loving husband

[blackberrywars]

♥️Lambert/Aiden Fic Reclist!♥️

For anybody and everybody interested in Lambert, Aiden, and/or their relationship! I've been obsessed with these two since the start of the pandemic, and they inspired me to start writing my own fic, so making a reclist has always been an idea in the back of my head. Plus, it's come to my attention that the tag can get crowded sometimes, so, Laiden fans, this one's for you.

Parameters: I've decided to divide my recs based on common story types that explore Laiden both in and out of canon. Other ships are allowed, but the focus is Lambert/Aiden. Additionally, I put a cap on 3 fics max per author. These are not arranged in any particular order beyond the categories.

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♥️Lambert's Revenge/Aiden's Death or Return♥️

(i know dead people, and you are not dead) by @brighteyedjill (Explicit/5,940/Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings)

Lambert finds Aiden after ten years of torture, maimed and broken. They retire and learn each other once again, mind, body, and soul.

I imagine death so much it feels more like a memory by CamilleDuDemon (Mature/2,327/Graphic Depictions of Violence, Major Character Death)

Aiden dies on a beautiful sunny day, while Lambert waits for him in their usual meeting place. Witchers cannot love and witchers never die in their beds. If only neither of those were true.

No Grave by @blackberrywars (Mature/2293/No Archive Warnings Apply)

A shameless self-rec, because I'm very proud of this fic. To the tune of Hozier’s Work Song, Aiden crawls from her almost-grave, determined to see her baby wolf again.

Fair Trade by Anoke (Mature/40,373/Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings)

Karadin sells Aiden to a mage, and he becomes an experiment, trapped in his own head while searching for a way out. It's a series, and this is the part where shit gets ugly.

Very Dark Magic by @bomberqueen17 (Mature/23,683/No Archive Warnings Apply)

Aiden is once more getting tortured and mind-controlled by a mage, but luckily enough and via the power of psychic beams, Keira and Lambert find him. And Lambert's pissed.

Roses Fall but the Thorns Remain by @t4tlambert (Teen/1,458/No Archive Warnings Apply)

Lambert holds Aiden's medallion in his hands, and he knows what it means. He pays for the privilege of having this last piece of his lover, and falls apart for just a moment.

No Grave Can Hold My Body Down by @t4tlambert (Teen/14,414/No Archive Warnings Apply)

A fellow Hozier-lyric-title user. Aiden crawls out of his grave and is found by Eskel, who begrudgingly decides to not piss off his little brother and does his best to keep his Cat alive.

Fortunes of the Fearless by @tumbleweedtech (Teen/627/No Archive Warnings Apply)

Lambert is a vicious bastard, and Aiden is lucky enough to be around to appreciate it, even if Lambert's victim is long dead and drowned.

Survival by @kitdubhran (Teen/1,278/No Archive Warnings Apply)

Aiden wakes up in enough pain that he kind of wishes he hadn't. But he does wake up. And we all know who he's gonna go find.

♥️Getting Together & Being Together♥️

Intent by tnico (Teen/18,551/No Archive Warnings Apply)

Lambert does everything in his crotchety (open to interpretation) power to get Aiden to reveal his devious plans and fuck off, except all he wants is to be by Lambert's side. Incredible characterization, funny as hell, and awesome research footnotes.

Bad Blood (Runs True) by @fairytrashmother (Teen/8,368/No Archive Warnings Apply)

The Tournament never happened, and the Cats and Wolves are actually trying to make peace. A young pup and a young kit might just solve their problems

Silver for Monsters by @crimsonherbarium (Explicit/108,559/Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings)

A canon-compliant look at the development of Laiden with awesome cover art and plenty of angst in later chapters. Lambert is slow to trust, so the burn follows thus.

Lacebound by @heronfem (Mature/39,391/Graphic Depictions of Violence)

Lambert and Aiden as young witchers in winter, lacebound by the fucked-up system they live in, and soon, lacebound to each other. Extremely nuanced politics, people, and circumstances, but also something like a college AU, if Bombs 101 was a class

Denial by tnico (Teen/16,989/No Archive Warnings Apply)

This fic quite possibly wins the award for bitchiest Lambert dialogue in existence, and no one loves it more than me and Aiden. They go a-curse-breakin' and have a grand old time together. More awesome research footnotes

Therapeutic Effects by @laurelnose (Teen/900/No Archive Warnings Apply)

Lambert finds Aiden purring himself back to health, and it's mad cute (but also hilarious because Lambert is Lambert)

Fuck Off: A Love Story (In 5+1 Parts) by @skaldingrayne (Mature/17,080/Graphic Depictions of Violence)

Despite all his efforts to appear the contrary, Lambert is just a bit too noble (and then a bit too horny and a bit too in love) to let this mangy Cat die by his own stupidity. He's still gonna bitch about it tho.

i won't say i'm in **** by @purpurred (Mature/5,848/No Archive Warnings Apply)

Keira arranges for a Cat to fulfill one of Lambert's more private fantasies, and Lambert takes it in the worst way possible. That doesn't mean he can stop thinking about the way Aiden held a poisoned knife to his throat.

ease me of its fever by @inexplicifics (Mature/5,226/No Archive Warnings Apply)

Omega Lambert has spent so many years saying absolutely-the-fuck-not-i'll-rip-your-cock-off that it's more than a little difficult to say yes. Aiden is so, so patient.

mountains that are stacked with fear by @xianvar (Mature/11,171/No Archive Warnings Apply)

Lambert, being Lambert, assumes the beautiful love confession he found in Aiden's bag was actually a prank, and lashes out accordingly. He gets his shit together, and his Cat, eventually.

♥️Meeting the Family♥️

Lambert's two orens' man by Ledgea (Teen/1,861/No Archive Warnings Apply)

One part in an incredible series about the slow development of Aiden and Lambert, but it's just a fun bit of Eskel getting to see his baby brother happy

Hide and seek by Ledgea (Mature/6,617/No Archive Warnings Apply)

Lambert sneaks Aiden into Kaer Morhen, and his whole cohort of bastard pups work hard to cover his ass while causing as many problems as witcherly possible; part 1 of 3

a promise to keep by @all-hail-the-witcher (Teen/983/No Archive Warnings Apply)

Tooth-rotting fluff of Aiden in Kaer Morhen, appreciating the effects of good, regular meals on Lambert's physique. Cutagen biscuits are made.

Winter with the Caravan by @damnbert (Teen/14,229/No Archive Warnings Apply)

Lambert goes home with Aiden for a while, and all the other Cats take the opportunity to take the absolute piss out of them both (and maybe do a little matchmaking on the side)

Lambert's Family by @freudensteins-monster (Teen/5,901/No Archive Warnings Apply)

Lambert hides his biological family until he finally feels safe enough not to. They might be growing up around him, but they still welcome him home every year, and they welcome the Wolves and Cats too.

Did he who made the Lamb make thee? by @tumbleweedtech (General Audiences/1,461/No Archive Warnings Apply)

Being the (asshole) older brothers that they are, Geralt and Eskel constantly rib Lambert about being the littlest wolf, and that his mysterious cat must be pint-sized to match. Lambert is happy to prove them wrong.

♥️Good Old Fashioned Smut♥️

wild green wonder by elizabethgee (Explicit/42,554/Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings)

Laiden smut in just about every configuration you can think. Sweet and tender, rough and wild, this one has it all. If you like a dom!Aiden and repressed sub!Lambert, this is stellar

Lambert's (Not-So) Mysterious Vial of Oil by @on-a-lucky-tide (Explicit/11,291/No Archive Warnings Apply)

The Lambert-kicks-ass-at-alchemy headcanon applied to sex. He receives (heh), and then passes his glorious knowledge of lube onto a his student, Aiden

Sweeter Than Pride by @blackberrywars (Explicit/2524/No Archive Warnings Apply)

Another self-rec for the f/f lovers. Lambert is a sweet brat and earns herself a spanking so good she cries. Aiden freaks out a little, but after it all, they fall asleep spooned together

An Evening of Frippery by @bard-llama (Explicit/3,105/No Archive Warnings Apply)

Lambert being a power bottom whose gender is "mind your fucking business," but who nonetheless looks fantastic with his exquisitely tailored skirts hiked to his waist

I Like how the day sounds through this new song by Lynge (Explicit/9,222/Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings)

Some porn with plot where Aiden forces Lambert to confess to petty theft and also his deep and abiding romantic feelings (in that order).

Problem by elizabethgee (Explicit/1,977/Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings)

In a fic I've just now realized has the exact same premise as one of my wips, Aiden is obsessed with Lambert's thick ass thighs and will do anything to ride them

Cut You Clean by GreenBird (Explicit/4,203/No Archive Warnings Apply)

Lambert loses a bet and has to let Aiden shave him. It has some... interesting effects on him.

Thicker than Water (and Other Poetic Bullshit) by @kushielsmercy (Explicit/2,835/No Archive Warnings Apply)

A mini-character study of Aiden and Lambert through the lens of some filthy blood-play. They're both far more possessive and codependent than they'd want to admit.

Puppies Don't Talk by @damnbert (Explict/8,725/Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings)

Very kink-heavy fic of Lambert going fully into subspace and getting to be taken care of for a while. He can't bring himself to really ask for what he wants, but puppies don't talk anyway.

all dressed up (with no place to go) by @childoffantasy (Explicit/6,707/No Archive Warnings Apply)

Lambert fulfills the redhead contract of wearing green and killing it dead, and there's just enough room under his pretty skirt for Aiden to crawl right up it

Thief's Reward by @inexplicifics (Explicit/1,592/No Archive Warnings Apply)

Maybe Lambert shouldn't reward this handsome Cat for stealing his kill, but it's been awhile, and he might as well get something out of the bargain (it's orgasms. and 60% of the corpse profits)

Dichotomy by @tantumuna (Explicit/25,054/No Archive Warnings Apply)

Extremely kink-heavy fic where Aiden and Lambert switch to see whose methods can get Aiden pregnant the fastest.

Kneel For Me by @alllthequeenshorses (Explicit/2,269/No Archive Warning Apply)

Lambert can only really let go with Aiden, and as soon as he can, it's a freefall. Aiden's there to hold him tight. It's some kinky reunion smut, come get a helping.

Catch and Release by @top-notch-swords (Explicit/9,570/No Archive Warnings Apply)

Aiden is deeply possessive and more than willing to manipulate the situation to remind Lambert exactly who he belongs to. Filthy alley sex and a little codependency that they should probably talk about but actually just fuck about

♥️One-Shot Roulette♥️

A Logical Conclusion by @heronfem (Mature/18,674/Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings)

Essentially the thesis of Laiden shippers, seeing Lambert's prickly ass and knowing the only logical conclusion is that he must have loved Aiden very deeply, even across space, time, and AUs

Wheel of the Year by @crimsonherbarium (Explicit/20,717/No Archive Warnings Apply)

A series of Lambert and Aiden celebrating the holidays on the outskirts of society, but finding twice the joy for it. Lots of smut, but also sweetness and angst.

You and I (and what we get up to) by @iwillpooponthefloor (Explicit/19,396/No Archive Warnings Apply)

ABCs of Laiden that focus on them as a team of two. They pull off contracts, schemes, and each other, from time to time.

Purr For Me by @round--robin (Explicit/8,407/No Archive Warnings Apply)

A whole bunch of short and sweet snapshots into Laiden. I couldn't put them on this list, but Robin has a lot of other fics combining Laiden with other ships.

♥️Modern AUs♥️

A Beginners Guide to Exploiting the Kaedweni Tax Code For Fun and Profit by @heronfem (Mature/167,193/No Archive Warnings Apply)

Lambert and Aiden get accidentally married and decide to make it work for the tax benefits. And then they fall in love. And work through trauma. And get a cat. And it's gorgeously written.

What Happens at Waffle House by Anoke (Teen/1,993/Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings)

The rituals are intricate, and Lambert's sometimes involve mutual combat with the Waffle House line cook. Somehow, the feral gremlin gets a date out of it.

All those wonders sit in wait for us by Theladyknight23 (Teen/14,847/No Archive Warnings Apply)

My fellow fem!Laiden crusader with a delightful modern take on witchers as a combination between truckers and pest control workers. Americana themes and the best additional tag ever: "love is like bread."

The Bark that's to Your Bite by @theimpressionablelizard (Explicit/12,976/No Archive Warnings Apply)

Where Lambert is Deadpool pre-mutation and he falls in bounty hunter love with Aiden, who I personally imagine looks like Dev Patel from the Green Knight. A little romance, a little co-worker wolves, and lots of swearing.

Three Cats Walk Into A Bar by @halehathnofury (Teen/2,607/No Archive Warnings Apply

Inspired by the lovely @whyzowl's art, it's the Wolves + Ciri dressing Lambert up to get him laid, and Aiden taking the bait.

Helpless, Feckless, Far Too Young by @keirametzbrassknuckles (Mature/14,605/Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings)

The Wolves are a traveling group after a death in the family, and Lambert is so fucking sick of them acting like nothing is wrong. He meets Aiden, and they get on like a fairgound on faire. Written by my personal mistress of angst.

♥️Miscellaneous♥️

Once, Again by @brighteyedjill (Mature/4,521/Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings)

Aiden has to save Lambert in a time loop without explaining anything, but we all know Lambert doesn't trust easy. Sometimes the simplest solution is the right one.

The Art of Living by Ledgea (Explicit/25,636/Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings)

Lambert loving people as the story of an art gallery, a skill honed from his cohort to his brothers to Aiden, The Damn Cat, when he makes his appearance.

Fields of color by @witcherscrane (Mature/2,057/Major Character Death)

In the wake of Aiden's death, Lambert follows a beautiful illusion with a smile on his face. His brothers help him find rest.

Give Us A Smile by @etcorsolus (Mature/2,945/No Archive Warnings Apply)

A 5+1 of Aiden making Lambert smile. Textual adaptation of that one post "look at you! you're so handsome when you're not being a bitch."

The Basics by @kushielsmercy (Mature/375/No Archive Warnings Apply)

Aiden gets possessed, and Lambert has a choice to make. Ambiguous ending.

Ashes in His Mouth by Faetality (Mature/3,924/Graphic Depictions of Violence)

Fear makes humans cruel. It makes them not care who gets tied to the stake, so long as they can breathe easy while the victim drowns in smoke. Or, Lambert suffers, and Aiden watches.

remember me as i was not as i am by @all-hail-the-witcher (Explicit/40,248/No Archive Warnings Apply)

Aiden has been dead for a very long time, long enough that Lambert has long since forgotten his face. It's just in time for a beautiful man with green eyes to break in through his window and ask for his services.

Deafening Silence by @wolf-and-bard (Explicit/13,230/No Archive Warnings Apply)

Destiny is a stubborn bitch, but it hasn't Lambert, who doesn't give a rat's ass that he's never meant to see Aiden again.

A Spot of Blood by MsThunderFrost (Explicit/3,440, No Archive Warnings Apply)

How the phrase "Pops didn't raise a quitter" turns into a "sex sent me to the ER" story for Lambert, because he's a stubborn bastard who would rather injure himself than communicate.

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Let me say a few things outright, because I want zero drama.

This reclist is for the benefit of Laiden fans, and is not meant as a criticism of any other ship or fic.

The fics chosen for this reclist are only ones I have read. It is by no means comprehensive, and definitely favors older fics, since that was when I was deepest in the fandom.

I actually had to cut this short because I hit some kind of content block limit, which. Oh welp. If anyone wants me to remove their fic from this list for any reason, PM me and I'll do it asap