#fellow artists how do you guys deal? because I genuinely can not figure it out

[creativity-deficient]

Vent below-

[hunterartemis]

Media Bias (Avengers X Alien!Reader)

It was a request from anonymous reader and since I have limited experience with tagging, I am going to quote the person’s request here:

“ Hi can you please do Avengers x reader where the reader is like Starfire from og teen titans (but the reader is green and the blasts are blue) and the Avengers go on a talk show and the host is being very mean to her. Thanks”

So, dear anonymous. I hope you enjoy!“

Words: a whopping 4100

Y/n, open the door” I heard Sam thudding away on my door as I buried myself in the layers of blanket and put the air condition humid enough to cause a mini monsoon.

“Go away Wilson and leave me alone--” I bellowed on top of my voice.

“Y/n it’s been more than 7 hrs, you got to come out... whatever happened in the morning you gotta let it go--”

“I don’t wanna let it go... I am a national embarrassment--”

You must be thinking, what is the situation you’ve been dragged into. Let me pause there and rewind 17 hours back to give you a complete understanding which lead to this complete mess.

People think our story ended and sealed with Thanos never got to see what we go through in the New York penthouse. With the ongoing Pandemic on board, people are desperate to see us even more, as if it is the new Thanos and we are to defeat it. There is no greater sense of helplessness than playing the puppet of courage without doing anything. So whoever wrote that “after the defeat of big bad, the heroes rejoice” was a big idiot.

And thus, I found myself awake after hours, sitting alongside the broad glass panel that showed the completely stopped-in-time, shining in the dark cityscape of once bustling New York. A fleeting sense of desolation plagued me as I remember my own world in the verge of extinction. My breath almost stopped in the great worry of my fellow living being in this planet; the one who saved me from destitution--

 “y/n, is that you?”A calm and concerned paternal voice broke the train of my thought. I sharply looked behind my shoulder to see a disheveled figure of man standing in the dark. By the tousled curls and the slouched hem of the sweatpants, I knew was Bruce.

“Urh, you startled me!” I said with a dismissive voice. I felt almost embarrassed to realize what I was thinking moments ago. I took a deep breath and tried to compose myself.

“It’s you who startled me y/n, what are you doing up so late?” Bruce said with a groggy voice rubbing his eyes rather irritatingly. “We have an important event to attend tomorrow first thing in the morning” he slowly moved towards from the shadowy part of the room to the path of dimmed light from the glass panel and spared a long glance at my face. The way he looked at me sometimes irritated me, because it was an inalienable fact that he fell into the same category of humans who express an unhealthy obsession with my kind: a scientist.

“It’s not like I enjoy staying up like you Lowly Human...I am as stressed for tomorrow as you are!” I tore my face from his ken to express my displeasure. In reply, he sighed disappointedly, which sounded patronizing in my already agitated mind.

“I wish you’d stop insulting my specie whenever you get upset...” he gently put his hand in my shoulder, but soon he withdrew and stepped back. “And what is that god-awful smell?”

Any female whether she is human or not is very sensitive to criticism, especially about how she appears, thus Bruce’s comment was not only offensive but hurtful as well. I could not restrain my anger and annoyance anymore, and I stood up sharply to face him “I just happen to wet myself in the rain yesterday at my detour downtown and it turns out it has too much sulphuric acid and it is peeling my skin away... right before when I am about to go up close on television.”  My hand subconsciously moved up to my cheek, where flakes were forming in my otherwise jade smooth skin. “And you are telling me to stop insulting your specie... I will when you unicellular cretins will stop ruining your own environment—“ I folded my arms defensively, gazing away from Bruce’s face “--as if I don’t get ridiculed enough for my chrorophyllic skintone, and now I am shedding like a common reptile.”

“Alright alright I am sorry...” Bruce threw up his arms defensively, and his small paces back and forth showed his discomfort more than anything, “do you want something for your skin, CeraVe or something? I can fetch you some ice if you want?”

His apologetic gesture made my whole effort defeated; but my pride disrupted me from being apologetic “Forget it... as if those human manures would work on my skin—“ I heaved a sigh and looked at him again “must we do the thing? I mean I am not the only alien that set foot on earth in this decade, why must I be walked around like a showdog in front of all the people?”

For some moments Bruce did not answer me. I almost thought he was ignoring me, but then I realised that he must be contemplating on every word he wanted to say and every word that was running through his brilliant mind. Out of anyone in the team, Bruce was the visual hole, the less than heroic material: even with the Hulk. And for this, the society made sure that he would be self conscious for the rest of his life for his other identity. My annoyance almost melted to sympathy when I heard him speak in a rather frustrated voice.

“Y/N, I know that you are stressed about this and frankly I hate this stuff too, but this is very important for the people: for your people as well as ours. Not all things that come from the space are benign and people need reassurance that you are not hostile. I hate this too, but it is for the greater good!”

“Greater good, greater good... it is always for the greater good!”  The same old daily whining of lofty agenda made me sick “I am sick and tired of these Brucie, I don’t want to do this anymore... I am tired about people asking me weird questions and cretins posing as scientists trying to push probes on me the first chances they get-- I wish I could just disappear with the portal that brought me in this cursed place!“

Bruce came closer and grabbed my shoulders gently “Don’t say that y/n... otherwise we wouldn’t have the means to counterattack all those aliens—“ my silence might have given him the cue that he wasn’t doing a very good job at convincing. His wavering eyes fixed on my face once again as he spoke “okay, here is a deal: how about it is the last time you appear in public, hm? Once you satisfy them that you are part of the team, I swear people will leave you alone... they left the Hulk alone too once they understood that he is one of the good guys!”

“No but...“

“No ifs and buts... go, and have some sleep. Let me look in the lab if we have some squalanes and peptide solutions lying around—“ he said with a paternal affection and disappeared into the dark passage which lead to his room

“Thanks Brucie you are the best—“

I couldn’t help but to smile a little. Humans!

...

“This is a bad idea I am telling you--“ I told Bruce with an hushed tone as the makeup artist went on with a puff on my face for the millionth times. The rest of my team was behind me, getting the same attentions to their dismay. I could tell Bucky was downright uncomfortable as his makeup artist had a hard time getting not distracted by his bionic arm; and Wanda was downright glaring at the man who kept flicking the brush on her nose.

“relax y/n, you are smart and you are friendly, you are going to ace this and trust me people are going to love you--“ Bruce said with gritted teeth to make sure no one could tell what he was saying. He almost flinched as some of the powder made into his nose and the makeup artist followed him up with a q-tip.

“My face is itchy...“ I whispered again, trying not to gouge my face out with my nails as the powder sat on the flaky part of the cheek. If this wasn’t a studio I would have scratched my face like a lunatic and ended up as someone who was attacked by a bear in the mountains. And I was glad that I was standing beside Bruce who knew how not to go overboard with the things. Clint would have brushed them off, Wanda and Bucky would have panicked, and Sam’s gestures no matter how genuine would have made me laugh.

“Wanda already told the makeup artist to spray you with Squalane, your face isn’t half as bad as it were yesterday night“ Bruce then went on politely gesturing the makeup artist to spray the stuff Bruce brought from the lab in a clear bottle, and the look on the Makeup Artist’s face was between annoyance and bursting into tears.

“Brucie...“ “I don’t wanna mess it up--“ I said nervously as we walked into the couch and settled with the others.

“Trust me you won’t... “ Bruce graciously consoled me.

The cameraman cued and we were all gestured to look into the main camera as the lights in front of us adjusted accordingly. Within all hustle and bustle, the host walked in like a royalty, and by the looks of his face and those following him with makeup and refreshment, he had a really bad morning.

“We will go on air in 3, 2 and 1”

“Good Morning America, this is your host Justin Fallon and welcome to another episode of The Early Show. Today we have with us some really special guests. You might know them from News, the murals, the comics and the Merchs please welcome our own global superheroes: The Avengers. Welcome to our show” the host said with an uncomfortable friendliness and turned towards us.

"Thanks for having us with you" Sam answered graciously, with a little awkwardness. I could understand why; it was always Tony, Steve and Natasha who spoke in public. After such a terrible loss, he is struggling to fill up their shoes for the sake of our public image. He had been wrapped up into a pretty bad controversy recently for succeeding as Captain America and it had a pretty bad toll on him—to the point his speech kind of went from cheerful to composed in an unnatural way.

 "It’s been way too long since our morning couch looked so colorful and it surely brightens up the day.” The host said with an obligatory politeness. Although the term was innocent enough but it seemed not so—I instantly froze up and million things started flying inside my head: was I looking good enough, is my patches showing under the layers of power and squalane. Turns out it was not me alone. From the corner of my eye I could sense the tension behind me from Clint and Bucky and I know it was different than mine. The host must have wanted the old team, and looked like he was stuck with the mediocre leftovers.

“Thank you...“ Sam replied.

“So here you guys are after averting the big wipeout crisis, in the quiet and chilling, so how does it feel to be in the pensive from being hyperactive all the time?“

“Well, at first it did feel kind of boring and lack luster, but slowly we are adjusting to it. With the ongoing Pandemic crisis I think we just have to adjust to the situation. In a way, I think we are all helping each other by staying inside and recuperating.” Sam answered diplomatically.

“That’s so nice” the interviewer said quite curtly and then changing the topic he sharply turned to Doctor Banner “I know of all you people Dr. Banner will find this Lockdown Leisure slightly more comforting, isn’t that so Doctor Banner?”

Wait, what was that? Was that even normal? Sam was sitting in the front and after him Bucky, then Wanda and then Bruce. Should not he come gradually? Breathe... maybe I am reading too much into this. Keep a friendly face, don’t think too much... the entire nation is watching... this is the one time I have to do things right! It’s for me, my team who housed me and my people.

I had to give props to Bruce for managing things calmly despite his claims about public speaking. He politely replied “Well theoretically it should be but it’s not like causes of anger cannot exist within the so called peaceful environment if you think about it, but I am glad you showed your concern” and like a pro, reached out to the glass in front of him to sip some water—like some real celebs in talk shows.

“Isn’t that true! So Solaris, how does it feel to be surrounded by the icons of the earth?”

I wasn’t really ready for the sudden attention. For a second I blanked out completely and gaped my mouth like a complete idiot. My stupefied face must have been quite prominent because the host tried to laugh it off lightly to divert the attention. I am still wrapping my head around the fact how some humans work so beautifully under so much attention—If I could choose between blasting off alien armies and speaking in talk shows, I will take the aliens instead.

“I..I--It’s quite fun... there is never a dull moment with them--“ I manage to utter, and thankfully it wasn’t a gurgling sound from a deep abyss.

“The thing is, being the most newest member, you sort of have a mystery around you, the kind of a Blue Comet sort--“

“Oh thank you— “ great going me, like a real talk show celeb—keep it up!

“So why don’t we break that down... Solaris, is that true that you came from a whole another galaxy which is not Milky Way?” the Talk show host asked, reading from a small piece of card.

Finally, something I can talk about all day: stars, planets and galaxy. I will have to slay this, I chanted inside and replied after drawing a breath “Yes that’s true. I am from Planet Auriga from Pleiades system. Our Sun is Alcyone, the second brightest star right after Aldebaran. You people call our system Taurus Constellation--” 

“--so much astrophysics, take notes kids they might ask you at the NASA interview.“ the talk show host interrupted. It annoyed me greatly because I could finish the words I worked so hard to speak confidently. So that’s how Bruce must feel all the time when people interrupted him when he explains things. However the host went on as if nothing happened “For a near human creature in this planet, do you identify more with the Professor X’s troop or with the Avengers?”

Near human creature? My race is literally the most Superior in all of galaxy.

“I don’t really understand what you mean...” I said as politely as I could manage.

“I mean isn’t it hard to fit in when you are the only alien in the group--“

The flippant remark was rude and I tried not to wrap my head around it. I recalled Bruce’s words to keep cool and maintain a neutral face replied : “I mean I am not the only one, Thor is also not of the earth and he is a darling to be around. Alien or not I think I have learned a lot about myself and the ways of earth by spending time with this wonderful people?“

I could hear the audience clapping and cheering with my reply. A surge of pride swept across my chest and I smiled slightly at the audience.

“How sweet--“ the host said, keeping with the cheerful mood “as the outer world people are coming into the planets, we think a lot of things are shifting, do you find it hard to cope into the earth from where you come from--“

Finally, a thoughtful question, I made a solid eye contact with the host and replied “No, the atmosphere is pretty much the same in Auriga, but I think humans can do a lot better taking care of the environment. I know for a fact that millions of planets and their lifeforms were extinct because of excesses I see on earth.”

The thoughtfulness of the host was only for so long “The girl’s been around... if you know what I mean—“ he commented with a little wink, and from the audience’s laugh I knew he didn’t mean something polite or mildly positive. After the laughter subsided, he turned again to me “I dig the midnight blue hair... it is so contradictory and yet it works“ he complimented “because you know scale and hair are not something we see very often in our planet--“ 

Excuse me, what was that supposed to mean?

“--so tell me are the lapis cascades all natural? I mean they are not dyed at all?”

“No they are not... the special keratin bond that reflect the blue pigment of the natural light but they are actually transparent—“ I added objectively.

“So that means in the right lighting you don’t need to mow the bush—“ the host said with a curved smile on his lips, and the audience went on laughing in the same manner they did moments ago.

Even under the blowing airconditioner, I started t feel really warm around my neck “I really don’t know what you mean; you are making any sense at all! Do you guys need special light to mow the bush, do you do in the solstices or during the eclipses—“  this time I didn’t hide the fact that I was annoyed.

“--she is really really funny you guys--“ the host again smiled and acted like I was a stone wall and my reaction didn’t register in his mind at all. “So you are saying you don’t mow your bush at all?“

“I live in a New York Penthouse, there is no bush--“ honestly if this wasn’t a dumb talk show, I would have taught this impudent human a lesson.

The host looked a little uncomfortable as our eye contact lasted for several seconds. He cleared his throat and went on “Okay you guys, she just clarified that there is no bush, so let’s move on to your...your look... I am so fascinated by it, it’s so reptile chic--“

What’s your fascination with cold blooded animals? Are you asking to die like one?

“Um, thanks...?!”

“So how do you manage to maintain this--“

That was honestly the last straw. This host is impolite and rude and he leeches off the discomfort of his talk show host. When this realisation hit, all my self-control and self preservation went out of the window. The vacuum was replaced by the sheer annoyance towards the host who deliberately mistreated us since the beginning.

“Do you think that’s how I live, maintaining my skin and mowing the bush--“ my pitch rose from my previous composed tone “I mean what kind of questions are these?“

The host was still wearing his phony smile on his face, but I could see the colour slightly draining off his face “No I was just asking, because the audience wants to know--“

“I think the audience is smart enough to understand that they cannot get the green skin on natural blue hair, so can you move on to a more sensible question?“ I answered heatedly and defensively at the same time, and as I spoke I felt the aura of tension shifting from discomfort to sheer panic.

“Y/n... don’t do this--” I heard Bucky whisper very faintly from above.

“Solaris, don’t get me wrong, but we don’t always get a green-skin hottie on the morning couch, don’t be offended!” he said while he gestured covertly to cut the camera on the other side. I have to give this man an applause , I could tell he had busted all his courage but he kept the face of nonchalance too good to be true—no wonder he sat on this chair for so long.

“What’s your obsession with the skin colour?—“ I said heatedly as I stood up from my seat “Don’t you dare cut the camera... don’t you dare! Do you think you humans are the epitome of beauty from which point everyone in the galaxy should confirm? I am sick of this... Everyone, I am so sorry for your wasted time but no more of this!”

“Solaris--“ this time it was Sam’s voice that implored me from the sides. For a split second I felt bad for him, because as Captain America, he would have to take the heat from the public. But I was at the point of no return. If I back out now, I would be called a pushover and I would have to endure that image for the rest of my life in the earth.

“You know what, as you are so obsessed with my looks, I would love to show you another thing of mine that is blue--”

Blast

So long story short, Solaris goes to a morning talk show, Solaris encounters a rude host and Solaris blasts him with her Blue Sun Beam. Biggest disaster ever!

The thudding outside the door would not stop, and honestly their over attention was getting on my nerves “honestly, why don’t you go away... what are you, my royal nanny?”

“Very funny Solaris... now come out and get some food--” this time it was Bucky who spoke. Although he was the shortest to reply, but it made me well up. He had the shittiest history amongst all of us: hunted, betrayed, manipulated and now sidelined—how can I see my problems bigger than him.

 “How can I... I ruined everything, all the reputation you built throughout the year, I blew it up within 3 minutes, how can I show my face to you guys! I was supposed to be the superior being--“

A moment of silence followed. But then the old familiar calm voice spoke from the other side

“y/n... It’s not about superior or inferior, you were just very very honest with your feeling! sometimes it’s good for the public, sometimes it is not. I mean look at me--I have struggling with my anger all my life and god knows the stuff I have wrecked in Hulk state. It’s okay to make a mistake... no one blames you!”

“Ha ha right...“ I replied sarcastically, feeling mad about how well Bruce understood my situation.

“Honestly, the way you acted today... Tony would have been proud!”

I could not hold myself anymore. All the feeling that has been plaguing me until now: embarrassment, guilt, confusion, sadness... all came down like a thundering rain with that one statement. I rushed and slammed the door open and jumped on Bruce to embrace him into a tight hug. At first I could tell Bruce was taken aback, but soon his firm arms snaked under my back to hold me tightly.

“I am so sorry... I ruined you all--“ I hid my face in Bruce’s shoulder. Suddenly I felt a gentle pat on my back, I straightened up and looked, it was Sam. His awkward cautionary expression was gone and he looked cherry as the old days “As Captain America, I cannot condone your behaviour, but as Sam... well, that jerk deserved it--“ he reached for his pocket and took out his cellphone “and hundred thousand people in New York agree with you“

I looked at him with a curious expression as he gave me his phone. When I looked at it, it was a tabloid video that had the clip of me blasting the host and it had—

“Stars in galaxies!... 100K likes?” I exclaimed

“And look down, there are comments too--” Bucky scrolled down from behind my shoulder to descend to the white space.

That jerk deserves it, he was literally harassing her...You go Solaris #MeToo

Solaris is so cool, I wish I was as cool as her.

Ugh, I hate that morning show host, if I was in her place I would have thrown him off the stark tower, #SunQueen

Racists never change, and We stan our color positive hero #SolarisRocks

Humans...

...

Okay, that took a lot of time because at first I didn’t know how to work on the request, then I had to go back and forth and rewrite most of it two times because I wasn’t convinced it was good. So I sincerely hope it’s good because I am freaked out as hell.

I also gave reader a name because she is inspired by an alien character in TeenTitans called “Starfire”. So I call her Solaris, and was constantly reminded of Solar of Mamamoo (TMI)

I don’t hate on Fallon, I just used his name because it is recognisable by American public and I also had to see a lot of Jimmy Fallon’s show to write about the Talk Show plot. I was also greatly inspired by Naomi Campbell, RDJ and Nicki Minaj’s interviews.

[trilies]

an argument for AO3

So I’m in a conversation with someone who is kind of in the “against AO3″ camp, and they asked me a couple of questions. Namely, who wouldn’t be uncomfortable with pedophilia? Isn’t it sketchy that a beta website is asking for so much money despite reaching its goals?

And my answer became so long... I figured it might as well become its own post. Please bear in mind that this is cut from a whole conversation.

But here it is.

------

No. It doesn't seem sketchy to me at all. Why would it? I know we make jokes about how much money tumblr has cost the various sites which purchase it like Yahoo, but there's some truth there: it's really expensive to host a website to thousands and thousands of people. It's why we see so many tumblr owners trying to shoehorn in ads or make people buy services, or why Photobucket tried to pull that truly atrocious bullshit a year or two back. Without image hosting capabilities (tumblr and photobucket's big thing), the strain isn't as huge.... but AO3 is MASSIVE. It is hosting literally thousands of accounts, millions of stories. That's massive on a server scale alone, ignoring all the other work they do. Yeah, it's in beta... but that's because it's trying to reach a goal of being as good a fanfic archive as they can be, and they don't believe they've reached that goal yet. Being in beta means they can better listen to their uses on shit like tagging systems and make those changes. Not to mention, again, they are INCREDIBLY transparent. If you are worried about where the money is going, you can go on the site and they have all their stuff up there.

As for the pedophilia subject matter.... Please give me a moment. because there's honestly a lot to say on that particular issue, if nothing else. This will take a while, so if you see this and there hasn't been a reply yet.... I'm still typing lmao.

To start with, of course people are uncomfortable about pedophilia. However, there are a lot of problems with how pedophilia is viewed or *used* as an accusation in the current fandom climate.

For example, in honestly EXTREMELY recent times, I was told I was "defending" pedophilia because I disagreed that a character (an immortal food gijinka) was "minor-coded" or "designed as an underage teenager". (As a note, an argument for this view was that the character's breasts were too small.) When I pointed out, hey, that's kind of a fucked up accusation to throw at a complete stranger, especially as I am a CSA survivor, I was told "You have to be lying about that, then, because a real CSA survivor would understand."

c o o l

That's just my personal experience that happened within a couple of months. Other people have talked about running into people who think that a character turning 18 means they're a pedophile for still dating a 17 year old. Or running into people who think a 40 year old dating someone in their 30s is pedophilic. Or believe that even SHIPPING characters who were not yet 18 was pedophilic if you yourself were over 18.

(Of course, you also have the kinds of people who try to use Moral Purity as a way to bash ships they don't like. I once saw someone try to claim that a popular mlm ship, A/B, was pedophilic because one half of the equation looked young.... when some other artists drew him... Of course, on the side, this person liked to also get angry that *their* favorite ship, a dude/chick ship composing of A/C, wasn't more popular. So. You know.)

So that's one half of the problem: the word "pedophile" being so warped that a lot of people now have no idea if the person using it has a genuine concern or if the accuser is trying to smear someone who doesn't ship the same thing. FFnet and Tumblr have gone with the "burn it all down" approach, which hasn't actually helped anyone and is, to boot, sloppily moderated. So we know from history, from experience in cases like mine, that it doesn't help in that area.

The other half of the problem is... How far is too far?

This is where "anti" culture begins to find similarities with the whole Warriors for Innocence thing. If you completely and blindly block an entire tag, or anyone associated with it, you have to ask: who are you hurting? Warriors for Innocence hurt actual rape victim, and queer folk, and a whole lot of others. Far as I can tell, anti culture is on the route to the same thing, because I have yet to see appropriate answers to a lot of issues.

If one says "anything with underage sex in it is bad and should be banned", what about fics that tackle it in a serious manner? The young adult novel "Speak" deals with rape of an underage girl and how she works through that mental trauma; are fics with stories equivalent to that allowed? Do fics with underage sex have to focus purely on how it is Horrible And Bad to be allowed? Does only a chapter have to be allowed? A paragraph? An author's note? A tag? Or are we allowed to never explore dark subject matter?

Is fic with underage content in it only horrible if it's someone over the age of eighteen who writes it? Can a teenager write smut (terribly written as it may likely be) between teenage characters? Can a teenager write smut between a teenage character and an adult character? For the record, i did in fact, over the summer, run into someone who said that teens/minors "shouldn't even know about NSFW", which is asinine to me, because Abstinence Only is a terrible thing to put in schools, and somehow worse in a way when you try to put that into effect in fandom. If the answer is 'yes', what are you going to do, demand to see people's birth certificates in fandom?

(As a note, I think this is a terrible message to put into fandom for teenagers because I believe it will inevitably lead to self hatred and a warped view of sex. If you make the extremely simplified black-and-white statement of "teens and sex should never go together ever in any way", that's going to mess up teens who are starting to experience arousal in their bodies. The message, whether intended or not, ends up as "NSFW things are bad, which means my brain which thought NSFW thoughts is bad, and my brain thought those thoughts because my body had these feelings". )

(This is bad for any average teenager. This will be especially worse to CSA and rape victims, along with queer youth who, in a lot of places, are still struggling with their bodies and/or feelings because the world is still pretty damn queerphobic.)

Speaking of CSA and rape victims, what about those of them who write/read underage ships or dark content as a way to cope with what happened or Just Because? That's a thing lots of us do, especially those of us who don't look like the Perfect Victims people can use as an excuse for whatever crusade they're waging. I've heard anti types go "Well, it's an unhealthy way to cope" or claims that CSA/rape victims who write such dark content are "just as bad as their abusers"... But are they psychiatrists/therapists? Are they the psychiatrists/therapists of *those specific people*? Will you moderate this kind of content by forcefully interrogating CSA/rape victims to out their trauma to a complete stranger? Will you demand to speak to their therapists? Over fanfic?

When I was a teenager, I wrote all sorts of stuff. I wrote dark dub-con fic, because I liked to explore those dark feelings in the process and the aftermath separate from myself. I wrote a fic with a fairly young teenage girl (what age was kh2 kairi? who even knows, I sure didn't) falling for a MUCH older man built like a brick shit house so that there was never any doubt to him being an adult, even giving him her first kiss, because they were my favorite characters, I wanted both of them to have a moment of happiness (that i promptly ruined but hey), and, *in this fic*, I knew it would be alright. I knew the girl would always be in control, she'd be the one making moves, that the guy was nonthreatening and kind and protect her and work alongside her.

(and then I began the process of killing him off in the next paragraph through him saving her life, but, like. Drama (tm), baby)

This was all good for me. At an age where I was young, vulnerable, and figuring out weird shit like arousal and romantic feelings, it was *invaluable* to have a space where I could explore all of that while relatively safe from actual danger, even if the stuff I wanted to explore was a little messed up. This whole thing against AO3 wouldn't have helped me, and I'm pretty sure it's not helping a lot of other people too.

There is an issue with underage people and sex stuff- not just in fandom but in culture at large. We have Hollywood dressing up young girl actresses in super slinky or revealing clothes. We have schools saying girls basically should never wear shorts, and capitalism fucking this up further by only selling SUPER SHORT shorters. We have media of all sorts giving us adults, whether in real actors or character design, in the roles of young people. (See: "how do you do, fellow kids") We should probably take more care about fandom spaces, so that people of all ages don't feel pressured to engage in sexual shit they're not 100% game for or into, or just have it shoved into their faces without consent. It's a complex issue... and it's not stuff that can just be 'banned' and have that fix it.

AO3 has on its plate a very complex problem that will, if we're all honest, never have a perfect answer. It has given us the best that can possibly be asked for. It obeys the law by not having actual child pornography on it (aka visual proof of actual real children, defined by us law as such), which is closest to "objective" we can get at the current stage in humanity and state of fandom. It has a very comprehensive and moderated tag system, so that people can post warnings along their fic so that people don't stumble onto shit they don't need to, and so that people can moderate their own reading experience to some degree.

If some people aren't comfortable with AO3, that's fine. However, most of us are getting annoyed not with those people, but with the people who just blindly say "AO3 supports child porn and is probably stealing money" (statement simplified for the purpose of this post). It shows an ignorance of the fandom history that lead us here, no understanding in either AO3's practices or how expensive it is to run a site, and no consideration for how complex this problem can really be. It would be great if this was a black and white issue, if there was an easy answer as just "banning" certain kinds of content... but there isn't. And that's where I am.

[shikai-the-storyteller]

Homestretch....the final Cyberverse episodes... :’(

Season 3: Episodes 21 - 26

Episode 21

Ok so before we start, I gotta fess up and say I got spoiled for something because Twitter Sucks, so I know Tarn is in this series. Here are my predictions about that: 

Megatron said he rescued Astrotrain from a tyrant. I thought he meant an Alt!Universe version of him, but now that I know This Bastard is gonna be in it, I’m guessing it’s Tarn

If Megatron DID save Astrotrain from Tarn, it’d be hilarious if Tarn & co. weren’t actually planning to kill Astrotrain, they were just using him as transport, in which case Megatron essentially car-jacked (train-jacked?) them.

As much as I rag on Tarn and the DJD I actually do genuinely love the idea of an Autobot + Decepticon teamup against the DJD THAT WOULD BE SO FRICKIN COOL....

Anyways, on to the episode!

Pics taken 10 seconds before disaster, rip Cosmos.

MEDIA BOT and Cosmos! :D GOSH COSMOS REALLY IS CONFIRMED FOR BABY THAT”S ADORABLE.....I’m so glad he’s finally back in a cartoon

OH WHOOPS I FORGOT WINDBLADE WAS FRICKIN DEAD (ish)

LUNA 3???

The “FORBIDDEN” moon? 

Chromia: You can go there anyways! Bee: Huh?  Chromia: When have the rules ever stopped you before? Bee: Fair point

BRO WHY DO YOU HAVE A TOY OF SQUIDSCREAM

aw I love all those photos of him and cosmos, that’s cute

Oh no did he quit the business because he lost Cosmos???

METEOR-FIRE what a cool name

I like this dude a lot

I love that he’s obviously depressed about losing his partner but immediately gets convinced to go break into Luna 3 lmao

HE’S GOT CUTE CAMERAS WITH HIM I love that

LMAO I was gonna say “Wow you just flip the switches alright” THEN HE JUST RIPS THE CORDS OUT I love this guy

Hmm suspicious

Aw I love the space-shots of Cybertron, what a gorgeous planet....

Oh hello cannon-fodder #418

SHOCKWAVE SHOCKWAVE SHOCKWAVE!!!!!

IT”S THE GRUDGE LMAO

It’s probably a sim that shows you the scariest thing you can think of

BLURR!!! AW THAT’S SO SAD

Ok I take it back, it’s probably like MTMTE’s “Cyberutopia” thing where it reads your memory files

Watch the cameras Bee!!!

“Bee, I don’t mean to alarm you, but the alien presence has taken over my circuits” *HEAD DOES A 180* GOSH I LOVE THIS FRICKIN SHOW

The facial expressions in this show are SO FUN Bee’s so expressive I love that

I like that Meteor-Fire is so chill about this, this ain’t his first rodeo

He just snaps his neck back into place that’s so freaky and they play it off so well lol

PRETTY SPACE BALL???? PRETTY SPACE BALL!!! HEY HASBRO CAN YOU MAKE A TOY OF THIS I WANT IT!!!!!!

Gosh I’d legit buy a gem like this if it had constellations engraved on it THAT’S SO PRETTY I LOVE IT

It’s a good thing that Bee’s got Meteor-Fire with him, this is his field!!!

Oh lmao JUST KIDDING I GUESS

Well so much for the alien, rest in pieces

I think Saling already said this in their liveblog but I love that Bee’s collecting Windblade’s parts a-la-Megaman X2 style

COSMOS!!!!!! Yay I’m so glad they got him back!!!

Meteor-Fire: Look everybody, Cosmos is back!!! :D ME TOO BUD I’m so excited to see my space-baby

RODDY AND ARCEE!!!! I love that Percy took over for Maccadam, but that’s also so sad!!! ALSO WHY HAS HE NOT FIXED HIS EYES, RATCHET PLEASE HELP THIS POOR GUY

Episode 22  

OHH PRETTY PLANET

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: The background designers on this show are great

Rodimus: That place has nothing but bad memories for me Every Drift fan simultaneously: Mood....

I really don’t think they’ll bring Drift back (unless he’s like, a zombie, which would still suck) so that’s a bummer

Rodimus: *Talking about his trauma* Me, very distracted: Wow Bee looks really cute here

SERIOUSLY THOUGH THEY NEED RUNG IN THIS SERIES They need a therapist in every Transformers series, all these bots need therapy (though tbf they tried to give Starscream therapy and that sure didn’t help, pft)

GRIMLOCK MAYBE DON’T--oh ok too late WELL THERE THEY GO

Repugnis?? I don’t remember who that is

A CITY?????? PRETTY

INSECTICON

lmao the frickin voice actor for that grey dude cracked me up

BEE MAYBE DON’T IMMEDIATELY TRUST THEM

Energon masters???? What

Interesting that they used “She” for Grimlock

Affluence?? 

Oh great these guys are the Cybertronian bourgeoisie 

Oh boy they’re just wasting energon huh

THE SHOCKS????

That’s a pretty bubble but JEEZ

OH NO WHY CAN”T HE TRANSFORM??

WAIT WHERE”S THE AUDIO oh wait no OP did mention there was an audio dropout

Is Grimlock gonna make friends with the bugs!!!

OH RIGHT the bug is Repugnis 

Aw the bugs are way nicer than the bourgeoisie, surprising absolutely no one

HELL YEAH, EAT THE RICH GRIMLOCK

“If we let you go, things will change! We like things the way they are” jeez

I wonder how the Shocks came about

It frickin figures

PRISON BREAK BEE!!!!

EAT HIM GRIMLOCK!!!

“Well this is quite astonishing” cute....

YEAH I WAS WONDERING IF THEY HAD THE SAME ALT MODE they looked like they had bug-bits, I didn’t realize that thing was keeping them from transforming though

Episode 23   

Oh right Megatron has a Matrix of Leadership I FORGOT ABOUT THAT

I ALSO FORGOT WHIRL WAS IN THIS SERIES, MY BABY.....

JETFIRE WATCH OUT YOU BIG NERD

“Rack ‘n Ruin and Ratchet” OH IS THIS GONNA BE A RATCHET EPISODE??? PLEASE?????? PLEASE SAY RATCHET EPISODE

Aw poor Rack n Ruin...

RATCHET BABY BOY!!! I forgot he was a New Yorker in this series lmao

“I LOVE Jetfire!”  “I know, me too!” CUTE....

I love that every continuity has Ratchet stuck with someone who annoys him in a ship

I love that Ratchet’s not even concerned

RATCHET’S DESIGN IN CYBERVERSE IS SO CUTE...

Wait UNSPACE???? Isn’t that where they sent a bunch of bad people????

Different Quantum Frequencies??? Dimensionally aligned??? MAN I LOVE THIS GOOFY SHOW

“It’s a blue-purple” CUTE....

UH OH HERE COMES ASTROTRAIN throwing dead-end??

I love that Astrotrain is so HUGE compared to everyone else, thank you Cyberverse for my life

“Every time..” LMAO GOSH THIS SHOW IS LITERALLY THE BEST someone please make a gif of that. I love that this implies that every time someone rides in Astrotrain they get ejected at 100 mph and skid 50 ft face-first, that’s such a delightful mental image. I think this 5 second scene is legitimately one of my favorite goofs / scenes in this show IT’S JUST THAT GOOD

You can tell I really enjoyed something when I make a meme of it

IT”S ILLEGAL TO BE THIS CUTE!!!!!!!!

OK IT’S LEGITIMATELY A LITTLE FRIGHTENING TO SEE HOW HUGE ASTROTRAIN IS WHEN IN ATTACK-MODE, HE SO EASILY PICKED THEM UP but that’s why it’s cool for him to be SO much bigger than they are, I LOVE BIG CYBERTRONIANS

LMAO I LOVE ASTROTRAIN he’s such a turd to DeadEnd

“Time to pay Ratchet a house-call. ‘Cuz he’s a doctor!” I almost snorted my drink up my nose, I LOVE THE DORKY HUMOR IN THIS SHOW

I swear this series was made with me in mind

TWO HEADS, NO BRAINCELLS

You wonder if Shadow Striker and Soundwave ever just rock-paper-scissor to see who has to deal with the latest Autobot bs that day

“And we don’t” OH SHOOT THEY’RE BEING LEFT OUT OF THE DECEPTICON’S PLANS TOO...This is more dire than I thought

Man I really do love Shadow Striker and Soundwave, they’re the only competent Decepticons

OH NO NOT RATCHET!!! NO!!!!!

Ohh so Astrotrain is still a triple changer in this series!! :O

WOW A SHOT TO THE HEAD REALLY DIDN”T DO ANYTHING HUH

REST IN PIECES DEADEND lmao he and Percy both have good survival stats it seems

NICE MOVES GRANDPA glad your hips still work lol

Oh good I’m glad they actually kept the purple thing

RIP Rack n Ruin

DEADEND YOU DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT IS

YEAHHHHH SHADOW STRIKER AND SOUNDWAVE!!!!!

“You’ve been told this area is off-limits” Oh shoot so Megatron really doesn’t trust them with this huh??? Must be some serious stuff they saw while universe-hopping

“Make us” SOUNDWAVE I WOULD DIE FOR YOU MY SASSY BOY

Love that he’s pissing off this dude who’s literally 4 times his height, love my son

Shadow Striker & Soundwave are Goth / Jock solidarity

Ratchet: Yeah yeah yeah I know Cuteeee

Wow they’re really not gonna help Shadow Striker and Soundwave????

THEY’RE LITERALLY JUST DOLL-SIZE IN HIS HANDS which is probably a not great reminder for Soundwave after that Dr. Tentacle Dude incident

Astrotrain: *bops their faces together* heehee Soundwave: BI Shadow Striker: >8(

JEEZ, BYE ASTROTRAIN

THE STYLE IS SO JARRING I LOVE IT!!! I LOVE UNSPACE AND HOW IT LOOKS (especially when contrasted with the regular drawing-style of the show. Really great artistic choice!)

Oh shoot so Astrotrain can just leave whenever huh

Aw what cute high fives, man this show has such good vibes

Episode 24  

NOOOO ONLY THREE EPISODES LEFT.....

:(((((

WINDLBADE!!!! I hope she’ll be ok

DID it work?? Wait you guys still have two frickin shards left, YOU”RE SO BAD AT THIS

A SHARK????? WTF

HE JUST PICKED HER UP AND DIPPED WTF WHO IS THAT

It’s not Skybyte obviously but he’s a shark too so WHO IS THAT

OHH IS THAT THE HALL OF RECORDS???? 

Wait wtf the Decepticons are attacking?? Oh wait RACK N RUIN DID YOU REALLY TELL THEM THAT

OH NO HE FROZE

WHOA  WHAT”S HAPPENING

WHAT OPTIMUS NO

WHAT”S HAPPENING!!!!! WTF

I WAS GONNA MAKE A BSOD JOKE BUT I TAKE IT ALL BACK OPTIMUS PLEASE BE OK YOU CAN’T DIE IN THIS SERIES

Is this referencing the other time when he glitched oh no....I knew that’d come back to bite us

In other news, I love that we’re learning more about the life and (cyber)biology of Cybertron, I’m so glad we got to have pretty much almost the entire series set on Cybertron

I MEAN JUST LOOK AT THAT!!! THAT’S SO COOL!!! This is the stuff I want to see in Transformers shows!!!

Hasbro could literally make a nature documentary set on Cybertron and I’d be ecstatic. Gimme more details about their world and architecture and city stuff

“Fellow Primes, why have I been summoned?” Oh shoot so the other past primes can just jack OP’s consciousness whenever??? That frickin sucks. I do love the Atlantis vibes I’m ge HOLY FRICK IS THAT MAC

AHHHHHHHH MACCADAM!!!!!!!!!!! GRANDPA!!!!!!! PLEASE GIVE OPTIMUS DAD ADVICE!!!!!! IM SO GLAD WE GET TO SEE HIM AGAIN

Chromia: Bee are you crazy?? Bee: YES! *jumps off the ship*

I love that this weird storm cloud area is basically like an ocean, that’s so cool

OH NO BEE!!!!!!!

Jeez that startled me, the shark sounds just like Bee

“Well you’re doing a scrap job” lmao Chromia please

Oh it’s the Argon Sea, it IS an ocean pft

“An ancient evil” hooo boy

BEE he’s so cute. Wait don’t just jump down a random hole AT LEAST WAIT FOR CHROMIA

CREEPY TENTACLE STUFF AGAIN, JEEZ CYBERVERSE

KICK HIS BUTT CHROMIA

Aw man, not you too Bee

MISTRESS OF FLAME!!!! I get so excited about every IDW reference haha, I love Caminus and I love that they’re letting that still exist

JEEZ THAT”S NOT CREEPY AT ALL

Is this a Titan???? IT IS A TITAN

It’s like a Cthulu titan huh

Chromia: That is THE creepiest thing I’ve ever heard THANK YOU CHROMIA, SAME THOUGHT

Chromia’s just like “This doesn’t even come close to my Top 10 list of BS I’ve had to deal with lately”

More weird smoke, oh great

JEEZ THAT’S A FREAKY TITAN

Me, crying softly: GAY RIGHTS....(and Bee). MAN THE FRIENSHIPS IN THIS SHOW ARE SO GREAT :’)

ALCHEMIST PRIME!!!!!!!!! I FRICKIN KNEW YOU WERE A PRIME

“But this is not about me” I WANNA KNOW MORE ABOUT YOU THOUGH

Wait why is a part of Windblade in Megatron’s Matrix

WHY WOULD THEY ALSO BE IN THE OTHER MATRIX oh they mean alt-universe them

It’s frickin HYSTERICAL that every time Optimus has some ~deep spiritual~ conversation with the past Primes he’s just standing there frozen while the Autobots wait for him to unfreeze like he’s some kind of ancient computer doing updates. Like, that’s legitimately one of the funniest pieces of information canon’s given us so far, thank you for my life Cyberverse writers.

I wonder if Arcee and the other bots ever take selfies with him while he’s frozen like that THERE’S SO MUCH POTENTIAL FOR COMEDY HERE

Optimus: *is frozen for a couple hours while talking to old Primes* Autobots: *put on PJs and unroll their sleeping bags so they can have a slumber party while waiting for him*

Heck now I’m just imagining them playing truth or dare or some similar game while waiting for Optimus to wake up. 

I’m sure at some point during their voyage on the Ark, Optimus froze and they all played the “who can do this silly / embarrassing thing in front of Optimus and get away with it before he wakes up” game. Like, Rodimus somersaults down the hall while spouting fire in front of Optimus, Bee does a handstand while singing the alphabet backwards, etc, and whoever’s in front of Optimus when he “wakes up” loses. (It’d be even funnier if Optimus kept pretending to be frozen while they played until someone did something REALLY embarrassing and he unfroze to freak them out. Then again, the Matrix going back into his chest would probably be too much of a giveaway huh)

OH NO I WAS SO CAUGHT UP IN THE EUPHORIA OF THIS IDEA I FORGOT THERE’S ONLY TOO EPISODES LEFT NOW....

Episode 25

I love Astrotrain’s design (both in bot-mode and his alt mode) because he just looks like a grumpy evil train and that makes me so happy.

Also RAIN!!! I love rain and this looks so pretty

LMAO ASTROTRAIN YOU’RE SUCH A TURD I had no opinion of him before this show but now I frickin love him

HE PULLED THE CHAIR OUT FROM UNDER HIM

“I HAVE HIS MATRIX” OH NO DID HE STEAL THIS FROM SHATTERED GLASS’ OPTIMUS OH FRICK

Megatron running like that while holding the Matrix in his hands reminds me so vividly of a younger sibling stealing their older sibling’s diary and fleeing at top-speed from said older sibling and that’s hilarious to me. Megatron is so petty

Dang, so that’s how his eye got messed up. Ngl it’s a good look

CYBER COWS!!!!

Wow that wall is so WEAK the Decepticons are so dumb lmao

Oh yeah they have a new furry on their team

Rodimus: Math isn’t my strong-suit.

Arcee: Especially me!  Arcee you are ADORABLE

OH SHOOT MEGATRON CAN TALK TO THE PAST PRIMES TOO...DANG

WINDBLADE!!! MAKE WINDBLADE A PRIME YOU COWARDS

Ok I know I said “Shattered-Glass Optimus” earlier but based on that spoiler some moron on Twitter posted, IT’S PROBABLY TARN...man I wish I hadn’t seen that spoiler but despite that IM STILL EXCITED

Makes you wonder how TARN got the Matrix though (not that I can’t guess 8( )

Oh my gosh I just realized we have the potential to see Windblade kick Tarn’s butt in this series. Cyberverse PLEASE, I’D LOVE TO SEE THAT

Ah so Astrotrain is the new scientist

Ur bugs are probably dead dude

LASERBEAK!!!!

RAVAGE??? Oh no that’s the furry dude MAN I GET SO EXCITED EVERY TIME, I KEEP FORGETTING

As much as I Die for loyal Soundwave, it’s really cool seeing him being his own character and acting on his own in this series and trusting his own judgement / surveillance! It’s so good. Soundwave you’re so smart (and I love that he loves Laserbeak :’) )

*SOBBING* CASE IN POINT...HE PET THE BABY..

OHOHO IT”S *THE* INSECTICONS

Oh shoot the Insecticons are deserting 

“No one can stop him. Not even you” dang son

“He doesn’t want us. He wants you” OH BOY

MY BABY WHIRL!!!! THAT’S MY BOY

SEEKERS!!! I forgot we still had a few who Starscream didn’t frickin kill

NICE JUMP-ATTACK OPTIMUS I love that he cuts the dude’s weapon in half meanwhile Grimlock just frickin eats the guy lmao. So much for Optimus’ mercy

FRICK FRICK FRICK IT IS TARN

OK TARN OBJECTIVELY SUCKS BUT AT THE SAME TIME I ACTUALLY DO LOVE HIM BECAUSE HOLY FRICK IS HE A DANGEROUS CHARACTER AND THERE’S SO MUCH TO PLAY WITH THERE, I CANT WAIT TO SEE HIM AND HOW THEY USE HIM FOR THE STORY AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dead End: Yeah, I see your point Lmao I love this guy

Everyone’s gonna frickin die in this series

OH NO WHIRL oh wait yeah he and Dead End know each other, Whirl’s fine

SOUNDWAVE CAN YOU AND SHADOW STRIKER CHILL FOR 2 SECONDS

I love Skybyte’s voice

WOW MEGATRON, YOU”RE ONLY PROTECTING HALF THE PLANET, JEEZ

OH SHOOT

OH SHOOT

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh so that’s why they had a wall, Megatron you turd

WHIRL NO!!!!!!! oh he’s fine thank goodness

Did Megatron get taller??? He looks taller than Optimus now

Just use Optimus’ matrix you big baby

“It’s time I called in that debt you owe me. Now it’s time for you to save me” I LEGITIMATELY SHRIEKED OUT LOUD, AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

THERE HE IS, THERE HE IS THERE HE IS!!!!!!!

SCREW PAST ME’S OPINION, TARN IS FRICKIN COOL AS HELL

OH SHOOT THERE’S A TON OF HIM WTF

WHERE’S THAT FRICKIN “THERE IT IS, THERE IT IS, THERE!!! IT!!! IS!!!” MEME BECAUSE THAT’S BEEN ME THIS ENTIRE EPISODE HOLY HECK

Episode 26

MORE PRIME NAMES!!! A) that’s very pretty B) LEGIT THOUGH IF WINDBLADE’S THE ONE WHO KICKS TARN’S BUTT I’LL GO APE

OH FRICK IF OPTIMUS IS THERE THEN TARN REALLY DID KILL HIM or it means he beefed it in that universe, as he usually does

“I wish I’d gotten to know you better” 8((((((

What happened to Alt!Universe Optimus!!!!!!! How did you die!!!

Windblade: Optimus, you’re speaking in riddles... Optimus: I always do, it comes with the job of Prime. Windblade: Oh right

“A perfect Decepticon race” HOO BOYZY.....

“All because I spared your life” MAN THAT HURTS

At least they aren’t attacking them right now?

HOW CAN THEY POSSIBLY RESOLVE THIS SERIES IN 10 MINUTES

ASTROTRAIN YOU COWARD not that I blame him, every bot for themself I guess

OH NO THE HURT PUPPY WHINE MAKES ME SO SAD

HELL YEAH SOUNDWAVE SAVE MY BABY BEE

I TAKE IT BACK TARN IS CANCELED, HE HIT SOUNDWAVE

*AND* HE GRABBED CHROMIA, YOU”RE CANCELED, ALL THESE CLONES ARE CANCELED

SOUNDWAVE IS THE ONLY VALID DECEPTICON

Optimus: Can’t keep-- Megatron: WE MUST! Me: *SOBS*

OPTIMUS AND MEGATRON BACK-TO-BACK FIGHTING AHHHHHHHHHH, IT”S THE LITTLE-THINGS

Definitely not the right time for this joke but: AU where instead of saying “Powers of Cybertron, unite!” they say “GAY RIGHTS” to activate their Matrix powers

Frick what if they kill MEGATRON in this series

HECK YEAH EVERYONE’S GETTING AN UPGRADE

Megatron: We must join our Matrixes together! Optimus: Now REALLY isn’t the best time for a marriage proposal Megatron: What Optimus: What

Thank you for telling Optimus to get down for once instead of just blasting him AND the Tarn-copies, Megatron

OH FRICK IT IS ALT-UNIVERSE MEGATRON NOT TARN WHO’S THE BIG BAD

I LEGIT STOPPED BREATHING DURING THIS ENTIRE SEQUENCE AHHHH

THIS IS INFINITELY BETTER (AND WORSE) THAN I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE AHHHHHHHHHHHHH

THAT MEANS ALT!UNIVERSE MEGATRON DID KILL OPTIMUS...MEANWHILE OUR UNIVERSE’S MEGATRON SPARED OPTIMUS...MAN THAT HURTS ME SO BAD

MEGATRON NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OPTIMUS SAVE HIM SAVE HIM PLEASE SOMEHOW SAVE HIM!!!!!

OPTIMUS LITERALLY FRICKIN RAN ACROSS THE ROOM TO CATCH HIM, MY HEART CAN’T TAKE THIS DRAMA

NO!!!! NO!!!!!!!!!!! YOU CAN”T DO THIS TO ME CYBERVERSE

“Prime...one shall stand...one shall....” THIS IS THE SADDEST FRICKIN THING THAT”S HAPPENED IM LEGIT GONNA CRY, NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“Hold on...my friend...” IM GONNA BAWL MY EYES OUT OPTIMUS

I legit had to take a moment to get up and do a lap around my room while processing what happened LIKE OK I KNOW THEY PROBABLY (???) WON’T PERMA-KILL MEGATRON BUT FRICK DUDE THAT WAS SO EMOTIONAL

MEGAOP RIGHTS....BUT AT WHAT COST

What’s fricking me up rn (granted, several things are fricking me up right now) is that this universe’s Megatron knew he could’ve achieved his goals if he’d just killed Optimus. He said so himself; he could’ve had it all but he failed “all because I spared your [Optimus’] life”. Whatever he saw in that other universe convinced him that killing Optimus just wasn’t worth it (or perhaps, deep deep DEEP down, he really doesn’t want to kill his old friend).

I’m rewatching that last minute and this feels like a frickin fanfiction. I’m Living but also Dying

I KNOW THIS IS A VERY TENSE SCENE BUT MEGATRON’S “I won’t pay for anything!” MADE ME LAUGH

SOUNDWAVE STANDING BETWEEN SHADOW-STRIKER AND MEGATRON!!!!!!!!! STANDING UP TO MEGATRON!!!! SOBS I LOVE SOUNDWAVE SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!! BUT ALSO PLEASE BE CAREFUL MY SWEET BOY!!!!! IF YOU GET HURT ILL NEVER BE OVER IT

Two reasons he could’ve done that: to keep Shadow Striker from getting super pissed off and lashing out at this enemy who’s way above their level, or because the “jacked up Frankenstein experiment” thing is a sore subject for her and Soundwave recognizes that (and frankly I’m leaning toward option B because SOBS....I LOVE THEIR FRIENDSHIP)

GOTH FRIENDS!!!

OH OK THANK GOODNESS, MEGATRON ISN’T DEAD DEAD YET

Dang so Megatron did kill Optimus

OH NO WE’RE GETTING A FLASHBACK

FRICK THAT”S SO GRUESOME, HE JUST RIPPED OPTIMUS’ CHEST OPEN

YOU ALREADY KNOW THE MOST PERFECT DECEPTICON, HIS NAME IS SOUNDWAVE!!! YOU JUST DON’T APPRECIATE HIM YOU BIG BULLY

Oh shoot so the Quints came to that world too

DANG HE JUST WRECKED THEIR SHIP HUH....

I’m loving this throwback to the IDW design

WOW Y’ALL JUST IMMEDIATELY WENT “SURE WE’RE ONBOARD” (I mean, good way to stay alive but C’MON GUYS....)

“I have no need for any of you” WHOOPS SO MUCH FOR THAT should’ve seen that coming

THIS SUCKS SO BAD

NONONONO!!!! MEGATRON!!!!

HECK NOW HE HAS THE MATRIX

wow you guys really just let Megatron fall to the floor COME ON OPTIMUS WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR SMOOTH MOVES

NICE ONE BEE!!!!!!

YEAH WERE ARE ARCEE AND HOT ROD

FRICK YEAH WHIRL, MESS HIM UP!!!!!!!!!

YEAH SHADOW STRIKER!!!!!!

RATCHET PUNCHING TARN HELL YEAH!!!!!!!!!!

FRICK HE CAN JUST MATERIALIZE LIKE THAT TOO

WELL THAT DIDN’T LAST LONG

BEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“And now you will pay the price...for being a hero” DANG THAT”S A COOL LINE BUT DON’T HURT MY BOY

FRICK HIM UP OPTIMUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WINDBLADE NOW WOULD BE A GOOD TIME TO SAVE EVERYONE

YEAHHHH WINDBLADE!!!!!!!

Yeah don’t turn your back on the body please

YO Astrotrain came back

ASTROTRAIN THAT SOUNDS SO CREEPY AND ALSO THAT’S SUCH A BAD IDEA, JUST KILL HIM

I know this is a kid’s show but PLEASE DO SOMETHING TO MAKE SURE HE WON’T POP BACK UP IN A FEW YEARS WITH ANOTHER ARMY

IM GLAD WINDBLADE IS BACK AND IM LOVING THE HUG BUT DID MEGATRON LEGIT FRICKIN DIE????

WHAT!!! WHAT THAT CAN’T BE IT!?!?!? HOW COULD YOU END IT LIKE THAT NO!!!!!!! THAT WAS SO ABRUPT nO!!!!!!!!!! 

The last few episodes were such an adrenaline rush I CAN”T BELIEVE WE CAME DOWN FROM THAT HIGH SO QUICKLY....IS MEGATRON ALIVE??? KICKSTARTER TO FUND ONE MORE EPISODE???? SPARE ANOTHER EPISODE FOR A POOR FAN???

MAN I wish we could’ve stayed in the universe of this show for a little longer but dang!!! That was really really good!!! I’m so grateful we got to have such a wonderful series like Cyberverse! :’) Thank you to everyone who worked on this incredible show!!!

Man now I gotta wait for WfC for new Transformers content....at least I can look through the tag w/out getting spoiled now

A few more thoughts now that I’ve re-read my liveblog:

If Megatron could hop into the Matrix of Leadership he possessed, I wonder if he ever had a chance to talk to that universe’s Optimus Prime... :( based on what he said, probably not, but that makes me so sad!!!! Did they ever get the chance to work things out!!! IS MEGATRON ALIVE OR NOT.....

[littlewheat]

Wally West Headcannons

Because I love him and I can:

- He plays the piano really well. He learned because of his superspeed; since his perception of time also got affected, Alfred suggested to Batman to suggest to Barry that he learns the piano in order to have a tangible outlet for staying in real time. Wally doesnt broadcast it that much since it’s more of a stress reliever/coping mechanism all his own- but it is an occassional party trick he’ll whip out to surprise and impress people. Also, Alfred most definitely went “undercover” to teach little, freshly speedstered Wally the piano (as that was just a few years before he knew Batman’s secret identity)

- Wally ( and Barry ) speak a lot of langauges. I mean, they run around the world a lot and Wally relies heavily on food to sustain his speeds. It makes sense that he would stop for food a lot and as Flashes, the two would like to chat or help out with some local trouble, etc. So every year, Barry and Wally learn a new language together. They started with the “love languages” and quickly broadened their horizons.

-The language thing is actually an unspoken competition for them to speak more languages than Batman (I looked it up- he speaks 24 languages including Kryptonian) So of course the majority of the Justice League wants to help out their favorite speedsters. Superman lets Wally study in his Fortress of Solitude, Wonder Woman teaches them Greek and Latin, Shayera teaches them Thanagarian, M’Gann teaches Wally enough Martian to get by, Green Lantern sends language videos/books from fellow Green Lanterns to help Barry and Wally learn random alien languages that Batman isn’t likely to speak, etc. By age 23 Wally can speak 32 languages with imperfect fluency ( he’s awful with proper accents but has impeccable grammar )

-Bonus: Shayera basically refuses to teach Batman her langauge and her and Barry mock Batman by speaking it together whenever he’s in the room.

-Before Wally got his speed, he had a motor tic where he would blink a couple times and duck his head occassionally with an arm twitching out.That tick transferred over after he got superspeed but now its really fast and looks like a really fast spasm/cold chill. No one mentions it but they all think its incredibly endearing.

- Sometimes Wally slips into “relative time” where everything slows down. This tends to happen most while he’s reading or problem solving or doing homework and things like that- Sometimes he’ll be reading a book at what seems like a normal pace for him... until the pages are burning from the speed he was flipping them at. From an onlooker, Wally will start to blur along the edges and books genuinely appear to spontaneously combust.

-For his birthday one year, Dick Grayson tried to get Wally a really fast kindle that could match Wally’s “relative time” reading speed- after three versions blowing up, Wally and Dick agreed that books might be safer/less expensive anyways.

-People quickly learn that if they loan Wally a book... its likely to come back toasted or in ashes. So... no one really loans him books more than once.

-Wally runs in his sleep :)

-It’s not so much a headcannon as it is pure cannon, but Speedsters can’t get drunk since their metabolism is so fast that their body runs right through it. On Wally’s 21st birthday, GL brings him some alien booze thats like crazy strong and Wally hoofs it (as he is used to doing with no repercussions. ) He’s drunk for, like, three days.

-Also, on a sad note: While Wally’s powers are on the fritz and sort of killing him, He doesn’t tell anyone about it. Dick Grayson figures it out when he plays a drinking game with Wally where he takes normal alchohol shots and actually gets a little tipsy. 

-Also, in regards to the Young Justice universe: I think Wally ( a guy who willingly got struck by lightning and doused in chemicals ) would not give up the hero biz. His powers were killing him and Barry and Artemis benched him- and out of solidarity, Artemis benched herself as well. Wally didn’t want to tell anyone - and as it was already majorly difficult for him and in the understanding that he deserves some control- Artemis and Barry agreed to keep it secret. Basically: Batman, Iris, Barry, Artemis and Hal Jordan know. Hence some frustration when he would jump in to help in “emergencies” - though anyone who knows Wally basically knew he did that with that exact reasoning in mind. That- in an emergency- he wouldn’t want anyone knowing he shouldn’t be helping...

- Wally can’t vibrate through solid objects for a while... He learns how to do so when he gets kidnapped or something and is super desperate. But when he does vibrate through things... they blow up. This is something he honestly can’t control for about as long as he couldn’t initially vibrate through things- but when he does learn to control it, he can still blow things up if he wants to ( eh, some pseudo science about speed and particles and things. )

- Wally is basically always covered in ice and plastic wrap, especially his shins.

- Wally is pretty nervous around storms. He sort of hates lightning. I suppose, if you were struck by it then it makes sense to understand and be wary of it happening again. That doesn’t stop Dick and Arty from making fun of him every time he flinches at a flash of lightning. It’s actually them trying to distract him as they know he’s low-key ready for it hit him (and with his enhanced perception, they know he watches the entire path the lightning takes to be sure it doesn’t arch towards them.)

-Wally loves Shazam and all but because of the lightning thing... the two have a sort of agreement ( enforced by a protective Robin ) where Billy/Shazam avoids switching personas near Wally. Or at least warns him when it happens.  This of course is after the first time Batson shows everyone how his powers work and Wally sprinted to another state leaving a lingering yelp behind.

-Wally carries a lot of static with him. He shocks people sort of a lot. He touches something metal? There’s a jolt. He tries to harness this “bonus power” as something he can do at will (like Barry can throw lightning if he runs fast enough type of thing ) and after some practice, Wally can do what Barry does. But he has terrible aim. And his intent was to not have to run to use it. At best, he just gives a really strong static shock. He definitely uses it to annoy everyone.

-Alternatively, Wally also shocks people when he’s nervous. Many of Artemis and Wally’s first kisses resulted in numb lips for our blonde archer.

-Wally also vibrates when nervous, angry or excited. Take that in as many directions as you’d like. ;)

-Wally is a little bit terrible at swimming. Like he won’t drown. But water isn’t the same as air and super fast water treading has mixed results and his accelerated heart-rate makes holding his breath difficult and also, it’s only fair to have this super world function as ours does where swimmers hate to run and runners hate to swim. Trust me on this. Even outliers have one they’re better at. I would know.

- Wally is sort of the couch-surfer of the hero world. Maybe a small part of it is rooted in him trying to dodge his parents, but he genuinely likes to visit his friends. And as a speedster, he really doesn’t do well with staying in one place. So as the Team and everyone gets older, Wally tends to pop into Roy’s apartment, Dick’s flat, Alfred always has cookies for him at the Mansion, M’Gann and Conner’s house (and so on) entirely un-announced. He brings random “souveniers” along the way and basically everyone has taken to keeping extra foods just in case.

- I honestly think Wally is bisexual but he just genuinely never realized it and doesn’t care much. Like, maybe I’m projecting, but I’m bisexual and I never realized it until my first kiss was a girl and I just rolled with it. Like I didn’t even bat an eye- I was just like, “oh, of course.”- I’d been saying how pretty girls are for years and always thought it was an artist’s eye for beauty in all forms or something but like... bruh, I am bi. But also, its not a huge deal. And I think Wally is the same? Like he doesn’t realize it but also- I think his first kiss was a boy. And he just blinked and rolled with it. I also think that he wasn’t all that good at committing to one person (speedsters got places to be and people to see or something) Like he is far from “getting around”- I think he had like three kisses before Artemis and that she was his first relationship. The first was a guy, the second was maybe some chick he kissed at a school dance, the second was a stranger that Dick dared him to kiss on some random summer day when they were in civvies hanging out together and the fourth was Artemis. I think he’s just so casually bi that no one else even suspects it except those who know his kissing history or whatever.

I could honestly go on forever! If you guys write or draw anything based on this please let me know! I just wanna see my ginger more, tbh.

[ficdirectory]

Somewhere Inside (Disuphere series #4) Chapter 64

(To listen, click here) - 17:04

For a long time after that, Frankie can’t talk or anything.  The anger is too big in her throat.  She really wants to throw Dominique’s phone, but she doesn’t.

All of a sudden, Mari’s there in front of her.  “You need Sister Time?  In private?” she checks.

Frankie nods.  She thinks Dominique might be surprised when Francesca doesn’t let go of her hand at all - includes her in sister time.

They go out to the one step thing where Fran and Mari ate donuts one morning when Levi came over all upset from Peanut Butter Cookie, probably.  It makes Francesca feel like screaming.  All the feelings make her CP side feel extra tight.  Walking and balancing are even harder.

Out on the step, Francesca sits down and buries her head in her arms.  Mariana asks to hug her and Frankie shakes her head no.

“I need to scream so bad!” Francesca growls in an angry voice.  “But I can’t because I don’t wanna make anybody’s trauma worse!”

Dominique leans back and scoots open the sliding door.  Calls inside.  “Hey, Levi?  Is it okay if we sit in your car for a bit?”

Francesca doesn’t understand, but soon Dominique’s back with Levi’s keys and they’re all walking together.  Dominique opens the door, and they all get in the back seat together.

“You can scream in here,” Dominique says, like it’s no big deal.  “I did earlier.  It feels really good.”

Francesca lets out a really tiny scream.  It sounds like a little dog yipping, but not like Cleo.  

“How mad are you?” Mari asks.  “That Moms said that to us?”

Francesca turns hot eyes on Mariana.  “Madder than anything in the world.”

“Anyone.  You’re a person with feelings, Francesca.  It’s okay to feel mad.” Dominique says, gently.

Francesca’s heart’s beating hard.  She kicks the seat in front of her.  Punches it.  Grunts a little.

“Will you scream with me?  I’m mad, too,” Mariana says.  “Can we be mad together?”

“As loud our madness?” Francesca checks.

“As loud as your madness,” Dominique nods.  “I actually might wait for you guys on the step, though.  I usually do screaming by myself, in private.”

They wait til Dominique gets out of the car and is far enough away on the step and not watching, because Fran and Mari don’t like people staring.  Then, Francesca looks at Mariana.  They count together:

“One, two, three…”

And then Francesca lets out the biggest, loudest scream ever.  But she’s not alone because Mariana’s screaming her loudest, too.  Which is very loud.  Francesca’s kicking and punching the seat in front of her, which she is never allowed to do at home, and isn’t so sure she’s allowed to do here, either.  But Mari’s not telling her to stop.

They scream for a while longer, until Francesca’s voice is tired.  Until she feels small and weak and like screaming won’t make any difference at all.  She covers her face.

And tears.  And it’s like Francesca might never stop crying.

Mariana whispers again, “Can I hug you?”

This time, Frankie nods into her hands, and she feels Mariana’s arms come around her.  She can feel Mariana holding onto her and hear her sniffing loud and breathing shaky and Francesca’s pretty sure Mariana’s crying too.

In a while, Mariana starts talking.  “You should be in our family.  You should.”

That just makes Francesca cry more.  Because when Moms say stuff like that it makes Francesca feel like she should just disappear.

“Do you feel it?” Frankie asks.  “Like you shouldn’t be in the family when they say those things?’

“I feel…” Mariana starts, still with a shaking voice.  “Like they don’t love me now.”

“That’s the same as I do.”  Frankie nods, sniffling.  “But I love you now.  Before and now.  Both.”

“I love you now,” Mariana says, kissing Francesca on the head.  “And tomorrow.  And forever.”

Francesca thinks back, to the night when Moms had been talking to Mariana outside and she came barging into their room, wrecking, and screaming, and swearing at Francesca.

“That night?  Why did you swear at me?” Francesca asks, peeking at her.

Mariana opens her mouth.  Closes it.  

“I won’t tease you.  I promise.  I just…  Did they...like...say something mean to make you this mad?  Only back then?  When we couldn’t scream in cars?”

“Yeah,” Mari nods.  

“So you wanted me to get out?” Frankie checks.  

“Yeah.  Like when Elsa gets mad...and she can’t control her powers.  I didn’t wanna hurt you.  But all I could say was...that.”

“So, you weren’t really mad at me?”  Francesca checks.

“No.  I was mad at myself.  And Moms.” Mariana explains.

“Felt like everybody was mad at me that night…” Francesca confesses.  “I felt really sad.  And lonely.”

“I wasn’t...I just...couldn’t.  When there’s strong emotions?  Words are harder.” Mariana says.

“When I was having strong feelings, my CP felt extra tight,” Francesca confesses.  “Walking was harder.”

“So, yeah, kinda like that.” Mariana nods.

Francesca takes a deep breath but it doesn’t work because her nose is stuffy and plus all she smells is Levi’s car.  She opens the door to breathe some real air.  She gets out of the car and waits for Mari to get out too.  They walk back to the step where Dominique is together.

“Look,” Francesca offers, showing her hands.  “I didn’t do it.”

Dominique opens her arms.  Francesca goes into them.  “I am so proud of you, babe.  That was some tough coping you did.  I can tell that coping muscle’s getting big and strong.”

“It’s still hard,” Francesca admits.  Sitting on the step between Dominique and Mariana.  “Mari and me?  We don’t wanna go back.  Right, Mari?” she checks.

“Try never,” Mariana scoffs.

“I’m sorry, guys,” Dominique says.  “I wish you didn’t have to ever go back.”

“Mariana, you scream the loudest,” Francesca points out, admiring.

“Thank you?” Mari asks, smiling a little.

“What can I say except you’re welcome!” Francesca sings, like Maui.  It makes them laugh.

“I did get an idea while I was sitting here.  For something we can do at Feelings Time.”

Francesca doesn’t think she can wait to find out Dominique’s idea, but it turns out she can.  Because they can go back inside right then, they all agree.

“Levi, I did your coping thing,” Francesca tells him.

“Yeah?  How was it?” he asks.

“Good.  I kinda hit your seat and kicked it, though.  Sorry.” Francesca apologizes.

“Hey, it’s seen worse.  Don’t worry,” Levi reassures.

“Guys, but Dominique has a great idea for Feelings Time, though.”  Even though it’s got to be past 8:00 now, Mariana and Jesus don’t say anything.  They let Francesca sit back down with all of them.

“Ooh, what’s your idea?” Pearl asks.

“Well, I was thinking...how all of us have kinda...negative thought loops?  Where it’s not really easy for us to think positively about ourselves.  So, I was thinking, what if each of us takes time to write down three words to describe positive characteristics in your fellow Avoiders.”

Francesca raises her hand.  

“Yes, Fran?” Dominique asks, smiling.

“What’s a characteristic?  Just, like, a thing we think of when we think of them?” Francesca wonders.

“Something positive.  About their personality.  Think about things each person does well.”

“Like nice?” Francesca asks.

“Can you be more specific about nice?  Nice about what?  And...I kinda wanna avoid...physical compliments if we can.”

“So just good personality things,” Francesca checks.  “Not, like, pretty.  Even if you are pretty.”

“Thanks, babe, but yes.  I need to take some small steps toward accepting a compliment like that.  Not quite ready for it yet.”  Dominique clarifies.  She hands out lots of Post-It notes and pencils.

“So, three things for each person.  15, total?” Francesca checks, doing the math in her head.  “Or 18?  Do we have to include ourselves?”

“No.  But I think that hearing from your friends about what they see that’s good in you can help you be able to eventually see it in yourself.” Dominique points out.

Francesca gets to work, writing:

MARIANA:

Powerful

Smart

Loving

JESUS:

Feelings

Coping

Protecting

DOMINIQUE:

Noticing

Listening

Singing

LEVI:

Fun

Fast

Strong

PEARL:

Advise

Being clear

Hot chocolate

--

Mariana’s staring at her stack of Post-Its when Jesus scoots in next to her.  

“I don’t know about you, but I need our twinbrain for this…” he confesses, quiet.  “I’m overthinking everything.”

“Lucky.  My brain’s empty.” Mariana returns.  

But when they put their heads together, eventually, both have lists.  They, ironically, don’t need help at all for each other’s:

JESUS:

Compassionate

Advocate

Artist

FRAN:

Curious

Feels deeply

Same

DOM:

Honest

Creative

Aware

PEARL:

Willing to learn

Recognizes limits

Deep thinker

LEVI:

Genuine

Gentle

Thoughtful

--

With Mariana’s encouragement, Jesus is able to eventually put pencil to paper without erasing a thousand times, or thinking everything he writes is wrong:

MARI:

Open

Intuitive

Encouraging

FRANCESCA:

Playful

Funny

Considerate

PEARL:

Role model

Love in action

Open hearted

DOMINIQUE:

Blunt

Photography

Kind

LEVI:

Phoenix

Backup

Honest

--

Right about now, Dominique’s not sure about everyone else, but she feels about due for some focus on some positive things.  And to focus on the positives in her friends?  All the better:

FRANCESCA:

Positive coping!!!!

Sloth-speed shopping

Trustworthy

LEVI:

Poet

Soulful

Generous

MARIANA:

Reliable

Dependable

SAFE

jESUS:

Knowledgeable

Respect

Boundaries

Pearl:

Loyal

Confident

Asks for feedback

--

Even now, Pearl finds herself feeling like a bit of an outsider.  She’s not altogether sure she can come up with 15 words to describe all of these people in their best light.  Because 15 words just doesn’t seem like enough.

LEVI:

Sweet

Caring

Thorough

JESUS:

Non-Judgemental

Integrity

Follow through

FRANCESCA:

Recognizes others’ progress

Helpful

Emotionally in tune

MARIANA:

Attentive

Facilitator

Patient

DOMINIQUE:

Good Listener

Logical

Authentic

--

Levi figures it’s just as well to try and distract himself from the note that seems like it’s tattooed onto the backs of his eyelids.  From Carla.  It takes a while for him to be able to start writing at all.  And when the words start coming, he’s not sure he can stop them:

PEARL:

Keeps trying

Understanding

Believing

DOMINIQUE:

Unflinching

Careful

Guarding

MARIANA:

Best hugs

Great talks

I feel seen

JESUS:

Basic needs

Warm

Shares

FRANCESCA:

Mediator

Original

Wise

--

When Francesca gets her five Post It Notes she crams them all into her waist purse so she can read them later when she really needs them.  

It’s okay because she isn’t the only one who is saving their good things.  Everybody else is, too.  It’s like, they’re not ready to realize those parts of themselves yet.  And definitely not with people looking and waiting for them to, like, cry or something.

Even though the Avoiders wouldn’t do that.  They respect emotions.  And each other.

She’s starting to get tired, but doesn’t wanna admit it.  Under the table, something gets passed to her, from Levi.

“Stress cow,” he whispers.

“Huh?” Francesca asks.

“You should get a stress cow.  For when you’re stressed.  Squeeze it,” he encourages.

Francesca does.  It feels weird and good and squishy.  And actually, she could really use a stress cow in real life.  So she’s not always squeezing into her bare hands.

She hands it back.  “Here, I’m not stressed anymore,” Francesca tells Levi.  “You keep it.  In case you need to squeeze it.  Your coping really is good, by the way.”

“My sitting in the car and screaming?” he asks, like he doesn’t believe she’s being serious.

Francesca nods.  “It feels so good to scream and not get yelled at, right?”

“It does,” he nods.  “It actually really does.”

“So, you have great ideas,” Francesca tells him.  “I should ask Mari if we can keep doing that idea when we go home.  But Moms will probably worry about us looking weird or somebody hearing us and calling the cops,” Francesca realizes.

“Could always ask somebody to drive you somewhere quieter.  Away from your moms.  To scream and not have them worrying about how it looks,” Levi suggests.

“You mean, like, Jesus or Dominique, right?” Francesca checks.  “Not a random person?”

“Right.  Someone you trust.  A safe person, like you guys say,” Levi points out.

“I wish you lived in California and right by Avoidance,” Francesca sighs.  “Then, I’d ask you to drive.  You’re safe.”

“Aw,” Levi smiles.  “Thank you.  You’re safe, too.”

“But don’t ask me to drive,” Francesca cautions, giggling.  “I’ll run into everything.”

“I ran into a mailbox…” Levi confesses, out of the corner of his mouth.

Francesca just keeps laughing.  It feels so much better.  So much better than all the screaming and sadness.  She unzips her waist purse softly, so Jesus won’t hear the zip.  Looks at all the good things the Avoiders said about her.  

She’ll definitely have to Google Levi’s.  

Still Francesca flips through them under the table, trying to make all the good things sink in.  So she’ll be ready, and strong, when it’s time to go home.

[charliejrogers]

Paddington (2014)

Sometimes you watch a movie and want to be challenged. You want your head to explode. You want to get lost in a world of plot twists and double-crosses. Other times you don’t. TV more often than movies fills the role of comfort food for people looking for passive media, but let’s all take a moment to recognize the power of a good comfort movie. Sometimes your comfort movie is that dumb rom-com you’ve seen 1000 times, other times a mindless action movie of good vs. evil. Many comic book movies certainly can fall into this camp, but really any series like Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings can become comfort food whenever those fans begin to think of the characters more like old friends than avatars on a screen. And never is that more true than when a childhood friends makes their way onto the big screen.

I don’t believe I have ever read (or has someone read to me) a Paddington book. In fact, after writing that sentence I had to Google whether Paddington was a series or a single book. I’m not from the U.K. so please excuse my ignorance. It’s not that people in America don’t know Paddington he’s just not as popular here as he is across the pond. Therefore when this hit theater six years ago and I heard critics rave about it, I didn’t get it. Christ, it was even nominated for the best British film at the BAFTAs in 2015. There was Paddington, a family movie about a walking, talking bear, right next a serious drama about Stephen Hawking (The Theory of Everything) and the very adult ScarJo sci-fi film Under the Skin. Plus, think also I was at an age where I was “too cool” for kid’s stuff. I was in college, so why watch a movie that could make you happy when you could watch something that could project to others how smart you thought you were. All of this is to say that, I went into this movie without the advantage of nostalgia, something I suspected might have been boosting audiences’ and critics’ scores.

Paddington from director Paul King tells the story of one unnamed Peruvian bear who is among the last of his kind. What makes this particular species of bear so special is their uniquely high intelligence. The film starts with a black-and-white film reel documenting the journeys of the explorer who was the first among men to stumble upon this particular subset of bear, sometimes back in the early 1900s. The explorer first instinct is to hunt and kill the bear to bring back to a British museum, but he is eventually won over by the sheer intelligence of the bears. They are already master builders and have developed unique, modern-looking housing structures when the explorer first finds them, but quickly he discovers they can understand English,  can even reproduce it to some extent, and are adept at new technologies. The explorer leaves them with a phonograph and a record of him talking about how to be a proper gentleperson in London.

Fast forward some hundred years, and the original two bears the explorer essentially perfected their understanding of English based off the explorer’s record. They also know quite a bit about early 20th-century etiquette and about a hundred different ways to tell fellow Londoners that it is raining outside. And though now aged and frail, they have passed much of this knowledge onto their young nephew whose character can be summed up by the following four traits: 1) undying love for his aunt and uncle who raise him 2) utmost and strict adherence to etiquette 3) deep desire to belong to a home 4) obsession with marmelaide.

All four of those things turn out to be of vital importance when disaster strikes his home in Peru and he is forced by his aunt to seek a new home in the only other place they know: London! With only his uncle’s hat and a marmelaide sandwich on his head, the bear stows away on a freighter to London. He heads to the nearest train station as he has heard stories about how during WWI, orphaned children would show up to train stations wearing certain necklaces to signify their need for a home. The bear does just that, but the world of 1914 is very much different from the world of 2014. People don’t so much as look at the bear. If they do, they assume he’s a poor beggar, vendor of cheap goods, or just a plain con-artist. They’re too busy rushing this way and that. “In the age of technology, Britain has lost its way” the film seems to suggest. Or, more cynically, it seems to make a comment (albeit) on xenophobia and Britain’s lack of openness to immigrants, especially prominent given the distinctly colonial feel of the explorer’s documentary and his attitudes towards these “primitive” creatures.

Except, of course, this is a light-hearted family film. A fantasy film at that. For example, no one is freaked the fuck out like they would in real life by a talking bear roaming around a major metropolitan area, in some cases doing serios damage (albeit accidentally) to various property throughout town. E.T. this is not, so there’s no plotline of the government trying to snatch him up for research purposes, nor does this apparently talk place in our reality where the bear would become an instant viral internet star.

Instead, as a family film, the movie mostly focuses on the idea of “family.” The bear is eventually approached by Mary Brown (Sally Hawkins), the matriarch of the Brown family who are a well-off family who live in a cozy townhouse in a quaint London neighborhood. Mary is more empathetic to the bear’s plight than her ill-tempered husband Henry (Hugh Bonneville) who is a risk analyst who sees the bear for what he is: a risk! Still, he begrudgingly agrees to let the bear, who names himself Paddington, stay with them for one night, but then he’s off to the orphanage  institution for young souls whose parents have sadly passed on.

Mr. Brown’s not wrong about Paddington (voiced by Ben Whishaw) too. Despite his undeniably genuine nature and complete absence of my ill-will, he’s a natural klutz. His childlike innocence and curiosity finds him tinkering with things that just ought not to be tinkered leading to a movie defined by its many great misadventurous set pieces, such as when Paddington accidentally floods the Brown’s bathroom to when a pickpocket accidentally drops a wallet that he stole and Paddington begins chasing him around London in grand fashion, not understanding why the thief doesn’t want his wallet back.

More than anything, though, Mr. Brown’s hostility towards Paddington stems more from his concern for his children, specifically that his son Jonathan (Samuel Joslin) will end up being hurt either as a direct result of Paddington’s activities or will simply try more daring things inspired by Paddington’s free-wheeling and wild spirit.

What I love about the character of Mr. Brown, who truly seems to be the secondary character after the titular bear, is the way he is a true character and not a one-dimensional rule-follower. The way the film (comically) demonstrates that Henry Brown was not always Mr. Brown, but was a motorcycle-riding Wildman who was suddenly and permanently changed by fatherhood makes him an incredibly relatable character, and grounds this silly cartoon in something of a reality.

Less can be said about Mary Brown. Sally Hawkins does a wonderful job portraying her seemingly boundless kindness and love, but ultimately there’s not more to her character than just being nice and kind. Her only story arc revolves her relationship with the Browns’ daughter Judy (Madeleine Harris) who is a stereotypically moody teen who doesn’t want to introduce her boyfriend to her Mom because, as Paddington puts it, “she suffers from a terrible disease called embarrassment.”

But no one’s watching this movie to watch the Browns or learn about their characters. It’s nice that Mr.’s character is so well-established as it makes his little sacrifices and gestures to try to help Paddington so satisfying. One second he was pushing to get Paddington out of his home, the next he’s in a dress breaking into an archives to learn more about the explorer who originally visited Paddington’s aunt and uncle one hundred years prior.

This little detour to the archives relates to one of the two other sub-plots to the film. The first is how Paddington’s quest to find a new home (since Mr. Brown refuses to let him stay with his family forever) leads him to want to find the explorer (or at least the explorer’s family) since he figures they of all people would love to take in as family a bear whom their father had so loved. The second subplot (and the more hackneyed and boring plot) deals with Nicole Kidman’s Millicent, a deranged, taxidermist employee of London’s Natural History who has a nasty side hobby and collecting (and stuffing) rare animals. She hears rumors of a talking bear, she starts to hunt him. Kidman actually does a very good job leading a cartoonish seriousness to the role, but just the whole subplot feels very perfunctory, like the studio was afraid no one would want to watch a movie that didn’t have a clear bad guy. Add in a sub-plot to this sub-plot where the Browns’ sad-sack neighbor Mr. Curry (Peter Capaldi) teams up with Millicent in the hopes of being her lover, and you got my least favorite part of this movie.

Taking away the villain plot would deny the Browns the opportunity to rescue their little friend from the jaws of danger, and prevent me from seeing that tear-jerking display of love with which the film ends, so I suppose it’s worth it. With snow falling around them and love in the air, Paddington with its focus on the importance of family, is almost a Christmas movie, or at the least is a perfect movie for the holiday season.

It’s also funny for all ages. I can imagine sitting in a theater with children and hearing the little cackles of children as Paddington fights a shower head using a toilet seat lid as shield and toilet brush as sword. The film does not go for easy jokes. Its physical comedy is often elaborate, and there are plenty of jokes meant for the adults in the room that aren’t necessarily sexual in nature. For example, the Browns’ daughter is learning Chinese “for business,” which means she’s learning phrases such as “How do I get to the business center?” and “I’m being investigated for tax fraud.” But more than anything, it’s a distinctly British film in its humor, favoring throw-away lines and sight-gags over fart jokes. One of my favorites in the idea that Millicent’s office is full of taxidermied heads of exotic animals, and when she walks into her workshop on the other side of the wall, we see all the rear-ends of these same animals. Another pitch perfect moment is when a downtrodden Paddington finds himself at Buckingham Palace and having revealed the sandwich he keeps under his hat for emergencies, we find out what things the Queen’s Guard keeps under their Bearskins. It’s silly and ridiculous in a way perfect for a kid’s film.

I also love how the film gives us a view of the world through Paddington’s eyes, and I give much credit to the film’s director Paul King for translating for us through film Paddington’s essential innocence. Twice, once towards the beginning, and once at the end, the film presents us with a toy-house that is an exact replica of the Brown’s home and we can actually see the Browns walking about and interacting in this odd meta-moment as Paddington narrates their goings on and provides his interpretation of what is happening. It lends an air of frivolity to our lives. Yes, the world is sad an hard, but for those innocents, the children, it’s a world of wonder and curiosity, a dollhouse in which anything is possible.

In the end, this movie is damn near perfect comfort food. It’s family focus creates a heart-warming tale that helps tries to inspire us that, despite our splintered isolated world, the world can be a place of love and welcoming. I wish the villain weren’t such a drag, but I am happy to report that despite not having any contact with Mr. Paddington in my life previously, I fell in love with his character almost instantly and am very happy to count him among my cinematic friends and follow him on any of his next adventures.

*** 1/4 (Three and one fourth stars out of four)

[geekynerdydorkyme]

The Burn Book

To be frank, I've never been one to gossip or talk behing people's backs. This is mainly due to the fact that I never really fit in, and wasn't included in cliques, group dynamics and other drama. But these past few weeks (class weeks to be exact), I've felt like I'm litterally Cady in Mean Girls. Granted, without, the makeup, fashion and school shenanigans that come along. Besides, all of my classmates are adults, even if their behaviour is sometimes anything but. 

You see, the tragedy of Cady, in my opinion, is that she came to the battlefield known as school without any knowledge of warfare. What I mean by that is she has no idea how hypocritical people are they say one thing to your face, another behind your back. Now, at 25 I should know better than to expect people to speak candidly or be kind to everyone. But I never thought I would ever be in the middle of a battlefiled of my own.

Let me explain: I work in a real estate company that finances its own degree program for employees who have either never worked in that field before, or have experience but want to study further. Academically, I’ve been doing alright, despite my job having nothing to do with the subjects I study - but that will be for another rant. I’m in class one out of three weeks and that’s great because it gives me a break from work. However, whenever I’m in class, I’m caught up in conflicts I haven’t witnessed since middle school. And well, since wer’e back on useless drama, why not write my own Burn Book? 

So here it is, meet my class:

Horse Girl

It turns out I met her at my first interview (our degree is paid for by our company, so we went through several interviews as part of the application process). Obsessed with horses as nickname suggests. From a wealthy family (horses are expensive), but with poor manners. At first, I thought she was a spoiled brat, and she is bitchy on occasion but I get along fine with her for the most part, despite being exact opposites. I guess she’s not too bad, but she happens to be one half of the war currently raging in class.

 Boxer Girl

Man, does this girl pack a mean punch - or at least, I assume; I don't exactly want to confirm it. Here's the tea: she and horse girl were inseparable for a couple of weeks, and then it all came crashing down. I'm not privy to the details, and I haven't made any effort to, but long story short, they had to stay in the same hotel room at one point (accomodation is paid for by our company for those who don't live near the school) and fell out big time. Nowadays, our class is basically torn between them, and Boxer Girl being class president, she calls most of the shots. She reigns over a few loyal servants who help her undermine and talk shit about Horse Girl to our managers and teachers - classy, right? I mostly try to stay out of it but I have no idea where I stand with Boxer Girl: she blows hot and cold, sometimes sweet, sometimes cruel. I used to really like her, now I don't don't know what to think of her. I don't know what she thinks of me either. She’s still mostly nice, but who knows what she says of me behind my back. I have a group project with her in a while, guess I'll know then.

Soccer Haircut

Sorry but I don't know how else to define this guy. A faithful lieutenant of Boxer Girl, he's worked with the company for years and is very street-smart. He's otherwise quite bland and I find convervation with him unintesresting. 

Instagram Fashionista

No kidding, that's really what she looks like. Has also worked for the company for a while, and also follows Boxer Gril everywhere. At first I though she was really nice, now every conversation I have with her feels off, fake. And cherry on the cake: she sits beside me in class, so she's inches away as I'm typing this - yeah, sue me for writing in class 😋

Quiet Queer

Another one who's worked with the company before. Very shy and reserved, he doesn't talk much - at least with me. I haven't figured out what his deal is, if he's a friend or foe. He mostly looks uncomfortable when I chat with him, I have yet to decide if it's dislike for me or social akwardness. He seems to be on team Boxer Girl, but still hangs out with Horse Girl regularly and talks shit behind her back.

White Thug

Let’s be straigh: she’s not from the ghetto (she’s from Paris) ans has no criminal record (that I know of), but everything about the way she behaves and talk is reminiscent of the stereotypical thug. Has no care for rules whatsoever. Swears a lot, including while talking to teachers and managers. Found someone on the internet to do her homework for 100€. Has a friend who sells a suspicious amount of Apple goods online. Generally nonchalant and does not care about the impression she makes. I don't talk to her often - we don't have anything in common - but she’s okay. Used to be inseperable with a nice fellow she studied with in Paris, who since dropped out.

Tiny Chatterbox

Not even exagerating, she’s always talking, be it to someone or on the phone. She’s the size of a peanut but makes up for it with unsuspected might: if you cross her, she’ll end you. While she speaks her mind, she doesn’t take any good opportunity to shut up, which owed her the wrath of Boxer Girl. See, Tiny Chatterbox is a typical French: constantly complaining - most of the previously mentionned people do the same however - and that doesn’t seat well with Boxer Girl - who also complains a lot and even encourages people to complain, by the way. She seems oblivious to it though. Overall, I enjoy her company when I find myself in it, but even I see how others might find her annoying.

Rosa Parks

So, her nickname came to mind because she explained once how she, a black woman, refused to give up her seat on a train for a white woman who falsely claimed it was hers. If that weren’t enough to earn my respect, she’s the oldest of our class by a long shot and went back to school after being laid off from her previous job, all while being a single mom. That can’t be easy and I kinda admire her. She’s very level-headed and nice to talk to. Mostly hangs out with Tiny Chatterbox.

Little Miss Moody

The youngest in our class, she used to be friends with Horse Girl, but has since switched sides. I have worked on group projects with her and I have no complaints about it, she did her part well and she’s rather smart. I’m kinda taken aback by her attitude though: she usually looks uninterested or pissed off at whatever is going on around her, whether it’s class or conversation. Sometimes rude. Spends most of her time on her phone or ignoring others when she’s not with her chosen faction. 

Chainsmoking  Artist

Got in through his uncle who works for the company. Quiet but confident, good sense of humor, nice tattoos and sweet smile. Draws in class when he’s not taking notes - and he’s quite talented. Constantly smells of cigarettes. I often work with him on group projects and so far so good. I might also have a teeny tiny crush on him that I don't really wanna admit - he has a girlfriend though, forget it. Because he’s so quiet, it’s hard to tell if he’s taking sides for either Horse Girl or Boxer Girl. He appears to get along with everyone, but I can’t tell if he really is a good guy or if it’s just an act.

Aloof 

I thought very hard but I have no other word to describe him. One of the oldest of the bunch. Always late. Never pays attention, but asks for your notes later. Not a good study partner - in fact, everyone does their best to avoid being paired with him on group projects. It’s not that isn’t smart, he just doesn’t pick up the tempo and wastes time on pointless things. Very weird and quirky, which I don't mind, but also rude, which I do mind. That whole package makes him akin to a 30-year-old toddler and has isolated him from everyone; basically, only Chainsmoking Artist hangs out with him.

So, why is this bunch troubling me so? Technically, they’re not. But all this hypocrisy has been getting to my head. I haven’t been this concerned with the impression I made - other than being professionnal - or how people perceived me, in a long time. In a different setting, a class like this might be an opportunity for seeking friendships, but what kind of friendship is based of wondering if the other party genuinely likes your company or if they dispise you and are putting up a front to make fun of you behind your back?

Okay, I might have a slight bullying-related PTSD, but surely that doesn’t explain the unfriendly atmosphere every one in three weeks. On the surface, I get along with almost everyone, which doesn’t mean that I like them. I’m friendly when I can, polite when I must. Should you dig a little deeper, it’s rare for me to keep conversation going if I’m alone with anyone - then again, it’s rare for me to do so in most circumstances. But head my words: none of the people mentionned above is my friend. None is my enemy either. I refuse to get pulled further in their stupid conflict, and if they had a problem with it, they can come to me - which they won’t, since it would require speaking their mind, for once.

In any case, what a way to end a I-don’t-even-know-how-long hiatus. I’ve been busy - again. In my defense, work, studies and anxiety barely left me any time for myself. I’ll dwell more on that in another post. For now, take care 💜

Until next time 😉

[richmegavideo]

Reddit Vinyl: The Land of Dad Rock Records, Vinyl Tourists, and Downvote Teens

  At Reddit Vinyl it's always harder to find the guy who isn't Waldo.

Related to Elements: Cratedigging

Pertinent confession: I am a music forum whore.  I spend a little too much otherwise valuable work time at various record related, crate digging, and Hip Hop focused forums residing all over the globe.  For many years I've made my daily rounds between the forums, blogs, and news feeds relentlessly satiating my music information void.  

Sometime along the way it became obvious that every music forum has it's own distinct qualities, quirks and 'personalities' as unique as the individual members who dwell there.  In a way, these online communities I routinely visit each represent a contradistinctive slice of the overall worldwide music scene. Usually I am on the prowl for these fresh sources of music information, actively seeking them out, but once in a while the forum finds me.  That was the case with Reddit Vinyl when a user linked to my DIY Record Storage Shelves. It blew up my visitor stats for that week, and like a red cape in front of a bull it grabbed my attention.  

As always, curiosity killed this cat because I couldn't ignore those numbers.  Upon discovering the information was deemed helpful to a handful of fellow record aficionados, I joined the seemingly massive community hoping to build with and grow from other like-minded vinyl addicts.  

Subsequently this was my first Reddit post ever.  With that first post I contributed one way I knew how to contribute, hoping to get a little in return.  Ultimately, that's what these forums are all about.  You get in what you put in.  Well, if only I knew then what I know now.

Reddit Vinyl, the Good, The Bad and the Ugly

Before we get into the bad and the ugly, I'll start with the good.  After all, there's got to be some reason to visit the forum, much less blog about it.  Well, for starters, besides the sheer massive number of members, and consequently threads and comments, a huge quantity of record related news and updates rolls through there starting on page one.  Don't like what's on page one right now?  Just wait a few hours and it'll be filled up with new threads and record related links.  Some of the news on page one can actually be relevant and fresh when it's not over-posted by those too lazy to use the search button to see if the news has already made it's rounds.  

So digging for quality content at r/vinyl is a lot like digging for good records.  Imagine crate digging in a football field sized record store for just a few good records.  Obviously you'd have to flip past a million crap records to get to the ones you care about.  Likewise with r/vinyl, before you find the newsworthy andor valuable information, you gotta flip past a million and one pointless newb posts, like comic strip posts of Charlie Brown being proud of his collection, kids closely relating to Joseph Roundtree's confusion with vinyl, the collective teenagers' giddiness with lego turntables, a myriad of "My Goodwill hauls!" clone threads, "I built my first IKEA!   Fellow clones look and drool!" and "Help me find a turntable for under 200 bucks!"   Now imagine infinite variants of these threads from wannabe record collectors who correctly assume that r/vinyl is the place to find experts of cheap crappy used decks.  As long as you don't mind digging past this unstoppable flood of madness there's some real data there. Throughout this minute by minute torrent of repetitive fluff, the mods frankly do their best to deal with the impotence.  They constantly point to their "sidebar rules" that exist to deter the flow of "hold my hand and walk me thru buying crap turntables that don't suck" threads.  Another of these ignored and unarguably ineffective rules supposedly bans photos of collections containing no descriptions or effort whatsoever.  Yet every day a pic of nothing more than dollar bin records lying on the carpet next to the owner's photo-bombing, nasty-ass bare feet at the bottom of the frame are posted.  The moderators do try, but the downpour of newb dumbassery is just way too much to quell as they are so vastly outnumbered.  Regardless, for their underpaid selfless effort to maintain some sense of relevance there and their attempts to purge the flow of one-percenters' half-assed posts, they do deserve credit.  Likewise for the relevant threads that eventually linger on page one, r/vinyl deserves credit for being that source of information. Not to mention, although stifled and disenfranchised by the overwhelming masses of vinyl tourists asking uncreative questions, there is still a fair amount of members who truly know their shit.  This small minority of intelligent cats are genuinely good people, knowledgeable about turntables and certain records and genres.  They bring insightful answers, good banter, and somehow maintain a little bit of grace and sanity in the face of staggering flamboyant ignorance.

The Bad and the Ugly = Downvote Teens

Shortly after my first post it became painfully obvious that the forum had a massive number of members.  Unfortunately their quantity wasn't the solution, it was the problem.  Vinyl is trending right now and record sales have skyrocketed the past few years and somehow almost all of these new-to-vinyl collectors decided to start at r/vinyl.  By my estimation, approximately 90 percent of the members in r/vinyl are basically mystified newbs andor vinyl tourists who are, according to their own words, "curious about vinyl".  

It's actually worse than that.  Not only are the bulk of members simply clueless people, but they are the worst kind of people, actual teenagers who think at one year of hand-me down records from Grandma's attic and one Daft Punk record gives them the expertise to advice the legions of incoming eager to learn impressionable trainees who are just coming out of lurking.  Like Lord of the Flies online, these self appointed child experts add confusion to the chaos by mass downvoting otherwise good advice if it even remotely contradicts their narrow minded blurted-out comments and assumptions.  

The Numbers Don't Lie

r/vinyl's own member age poll conducted by their moderators indicates a lopsided percentage of teen angst.

Poll Source

Need More Proof?

Now, if this Reddit supplied polling data isn't enough to convince you of the hoards of dysfunctional teenyboppers there, then this following link should be all the additional proof you need...

Thread Titled: People who've spent triple digits on a single record, what was it and why?  

The most upvoted response was this...

"Taylor Swift - RED. Limited ACM Awards edition. Bought it for $250 excl. shipping. Bought it because I just love that album. Not that I'm going to play it though."  - maxim380

As of today, 90 people upvoted this human being's response making it the most popular answer by a landslide.  

Furthermore, the member added...

"I don't play it because I don't want to risk scratching it or damaging it in some other way. I know that the chance of that happening is really small, but I just don't want to take the risk." - maxim380

Adding insult to injury, this comment also was upvoted incessantly because the resident vinyl tourists find it perfectly normal to buy a record just to have it for bragging rights or display purposes.  

And hey, what better artist to brag about spending 250 dollars on than that tinsel town concocted teen idol who produces cheerleader anthems, Taylor Swift?   It's inevitable that all of her future ex-fans will outgrew their training bras, and on that day they'll figure out how God-awful this pixie rockstar's so-called country music is.  Except for dumb ass teenaged disciples with Taylor Swift pajamas, it is universally understood that she embodies everything that is tawdry and petty with the music industry.  Apparently, as America's elvish red-carpet sweetheart, the moment that wretched voice comes out the speakers crooning about her whoring around in her own narcissistic world, we're supposed to be able to relate.  Even the twiggy twit herself knows that only teenagers can subscribe to her corny, mellowdramatic lyrics.  She's understands that it's because of these moldable juveniles that she's set for life.  Well, for whatever reason this collective of Swift putty found it's permanent residence at Reddit Vinyl.

This overpopulation of perplexed newbs and downvote teens are the proverbial "bad and the ugly".  They are the true elephant in the room and they are directly responsible for r/vinyl ultimately being a pathetic joke of a vinyl record collectors forum.  Because of this paralyzing flood of them rearing their trend-jumping heads every hour, Reddit vinyl will never reach it's potential to become a serious online resource. Because of the downvote teens, it will always be the land of vinyl newbs.   

What Exactly Are Downvote Teens?

  One unique to Reddit trait that could be a powerful feature when properly utilized is the up and down vote option on every post.  Be that as it may, at Reddit Vinyl that just means every single word out of your mouth is a high school popularity contest.  Effectively, every kid there will do whatever it takes to sit at the r/vinyl cool kids' lunch table.  

Ironically, they call this "karma" but it has absolutely nothing to do with karma at all.  They know in order to fast-track their way to this proverbial table they should rush to be the first to reply to the forum's posts with the most cynical responses, obvious solutions, blatant ass-kissing, andor any popularly held beliefs regardless of their statement being correct or relevant.  

Not quick enough to get there first?  Ok, how about a gif animation of a kitty cat spinning on a turntable as your response to a topic?   Useless fluff guarantees karma points.  The more pandering to this lowest common denominator, the more karma points you "earn".  While these points are basically as valuable as pretend money, to the downvote teens, accumulating them is the same as offering up your Fruit Roll-Ups to the homecoming king.  

The quintessential example of a downvote teen's user profile

  While fluff and fruitless remarks get awarded with upvotes by the mindless masses, almost everything else is downvoted by the downvote teens.  Comments which are accurate and helpful responses are often ignored and hover at neutral.  At least they are upvoted by lingering well-informed members attempting to offset the multitude of snot-nosed brats who are pressing down arrow because they are "annoyed" with the confident "tone" of the factual contribution.  Therefore comments like "I'm pretty sure you're right, but you don't have to sound like such an asshole!" get upvoted by the same dysfunctional teens downvoting the dead-on response.  

Likewise, it's no surprise that name-calling and insults to purveyors of unpopular opinions get upvotes while actual healthy debate and respectful disagreements and discussion are treated with indifference.  

Behold the March of the Downvote Lemmings 

Moreover, once a comment is downvoted to reach a negative number, or even zero, like clockwork, the mob mentality kicks in.  These powerless teenagers often don't read the comment being downvoted, (everything is TLDR) nor do they care as to why it's being downvoted.  It's simply an instantaneous knee-jerk response for them to click down arrow because they instinctually mimic their own kind.  For these helpless drones "monkey see, monkey do" is their standard because individual thought is just too hard.

Lemmings are too dense to contribute to the topic so instead they lurk and blindly follow the downvoters.

    Why Do Downvote Teens Downvote?

Since teens have no real control over their lives, they overcompensate by retreating into the Reddit virtual world where the downvote serves as their wooden sword.  Consumed by misplaced angst, sexual frustration, and petty beefs, they are completely oblivious to their own awkwardness, so they take comfort in religiously pushing the down arrow.  These twerps easily fool themselves into thinking that will be their expression of power.  Like an old man with a penis car, a downvote teen burns rubber at Reddit vinyl.

Meanwhile, outside Reddit vinyl in the real world, their mothers are fucking pissed at them for not putting their clothes in the hamper and jizzing all over their socks balled up under their beds. She's ready to drop their allowance to 20 bucks a week for not watering the cat and making their beds, but sadly she won't do it because she's so drained from the constant battle.  Instead she'll limit their video game privileges to a mere 4 hours a day effectively enabling the teen to continue down the same fruitless path.   

Downvote teens will always upvote Crap Stevens, crap disco and all dad rock

What Do Downvote Teens Upvote? (Like)

Believe it or not, they downvote pretty much everything, but downvote teens do upvote a few types of threads and comments.  The following types of threads constantly stay on page one due to the DVTs upvoting them...

Anything Beatles Related, Especially the Butcher Cover

Anything pertaining to Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, or the Doors Records

Any kind of dad rock picture posts

Any kind of records inherited from parents or grandparents picture posts

Any kind of "my humble setup threads" as long as the word humble or "small" is used

Dorm Room Setup Pic Topics

Any Thread from 15 or 16 year old teens announcing their age in the title

Anything IKEA related because they are proud they can erect it for their 4 records

Anything negative about Crosley Record Players

MF Doom and Nas Records but no other Hip Hop

Goodwill Record Haul Posts

RSD Haul Posts and, ironically, RSD Sucks Posts

Thrift Sale or Garage Sale Haul Pic Posts

Posts about Records purchased Best Buy or Hot Topic

Any cartoons that contain a record player in them

Tiny turntables built out of legos

Any picture that contains a cat

Any thread that starts with "HELP!!!"

Any Daft Punk topic

Any rock band that is named after an animal

Every rock band that is getting the daily reddit circle jerk

Comments from people who say "Get that turntable off your receiver!"  

"Vintage" players even if they are broken and are as big as a chest freezer

Colored Vinyl Records

People who display their records on the wall even if they don't have a turntable

Threads with "My Grail" or "My White Whale" in it despite it being a common record

Responses that are gif links

Anyone who yells at someone "Pretentious!" "Elitist!" "Prick" or "Asshole" especially in any combination of these words

People who bitch about record sellers

  What Do Downvote Teens Downvote? (Dislike)

Crosley Brand Record Players unless it has a Peanuts Cartoon on it.  However most of them had a Crosley on day one of joining r/vinyl.

Flippers, aka all sellers who make a few extra bucks on post RSD resales.  They want stores to stay in business they just don't want sellers to make money.

Record players that don't come with a dust cover (must kill dust!)

Record players that don't come with a cue lever (too clutzy to hand cue a record)

DJs since they ruin records.

People who scratch or even touch the grooves (Q-bert is satan to them)

Any kind of negative opinion about any music will be mass downvoted (With opinion, only positive comments are tolerated especially when it comes to the Beatles and Taylor Swift)

People who say "Vinyls" (Which obviously it isn't a word, but they are extremely passionate about disliking that word)

People who correct people who say "vinyls".  (They want people to know without being told)

People who don't follow the "side bar" rules

People who tell people to follow the "side bar" rules

Picture discs (although displaying them is fine, enjoying the music on them is unacceptable.)

Threads with individual music taste which isn't their own

Record Store owners that put price tags on records

Anything related to actual crate digging

Lastly, they hate me for saying this.  So much so that they created this thread.

  Daily Downvote Dumbassery: What Do Downvote Teens Claim To Understand But Can't Grasp?

Stacking your records vertically will immediately warp your records.  (While it's true that doing so in huge stacks for many months may warp some records this belief is highly exaggerated.)  

Getting water on your record label will ruin it.  (During the manufacturing process the label is literally melted into the record, it can be submerged and it will still be fine.)

 All Crosleys suck and having one will ruin every record it touches.  (While most are low end or starter players they aren't going to destroy your records in any normal amount of play time.  Record player manufacturers know you gotta have the BMWs and Yugos and everything in between.)

Using the cue lever is essential or you'll break the needle andor scratch your records.  (Actually, for them this is true.  Certainly if they are too afraid to learn how to hand cue records they'll never be coordinated enough to cue records quickly and efficiently like your average human being does with their hands.)  

The dust cover is the most important part on a turntable.   (Some of these dolts actually play records under the plastic cover because they are afraid of the dust that will accumulate during one rotation will ruin the record.  Doing this is not only impractical and stupid looking, but it actually generates more static electricity and can potentially make the record sound tinny with the big plastic shell reverberating in play.)

 What "holy grail" records are. (They equate "expensive" and "I have to have it" to it being a holy grail, oblivious to the rarity factor and how much something is sought.  Meanwhile in reality, "grails" are just like the real holy grail artifact, thus the reference.  Every one wants to touch it and no one knows where one is that can be obtained.  Often they add the word "My" to the title proving that they truly don't get it.  "I found my holy grail!"  Boobs who say shit like that need to stop grailing everything they want, because it's making that word completely meaningless.)

 What to buy  (Sometimes they literally ask the entire forum what record they should buy because they have no personal taste.  All they know about what rock to buy they learned from what r/vinyl circle jerked numerous times.  Or they heard about it from their parents first.  They might hate their parents but for some reason they love their parents' hand me down crap records.  Any kind of unknown record is worthless to them unless it was featured on numerous cloned Reddit threads featuring that currently trending band.)

Common Downvote Teen Traits

 Typical Downvote Teen Setup Pics...  In no particular order...

Setup 1 (This couldn't be any more perfect of an example)

Setup 2 (Blurry cell phone pic, empty IKEA, and toys)

Setup 3 (Shit on the floor, deck on amp, lined up in front of a damn radiator) 

Setup 4 (Let's try really hard to not impress anyone)

A Downvote Teen's DIY Record Wall Display (Oh, here's a surprise, it's Daft Punk)

Uh Oh!  Banned from Reddit Vinyl

  Ever been fired from the worst job you ever had in your life?  That basically sums up the emotion I had when I was banned without warning not long ago.  My last post was a comment on a punk band I had respect for and shortly after posting that I got a anonymous message with no explanation saying I could no longer post at r/vinyl.  

Why this happened, I'm not sure, but I'm guessing it had something to do with me voicing my opinions on Taylor Swift two comments prior to that and clearly that really pissed off a lot of people.  That wasn't the first time I dissed that woman, nor was it the first time I openly expressed my fatigue from all the rehashed monotony and predictable 1% effort newb clones .  I'm guessing airing those grievances was deemed "trolling" by one or more of the mods and dropping the ban hammer was determined to be the most efficient way to protect the glass houses.  I understood that very day that it was in fact better for everyone, especially myself that the band-aid was effectively ripped off.   The entire time I was actively posting there, digging through their proverbial information crates, I was constantly flipping past way too many beat up Elvis and Beatles records in there to get to the relevant content.  I spent way too much time trying to rinse the hair off the bar of soap knowing full well that I was in a yeti's shower.  

Keep in mind, I've never been banned from anything in my life, and in this one case, being told I don't belong there was nothing more than a subtle compliment.  I should add that it is a known fact that ANY serious record collector who has been buying records for at least 2 years will find the frustration of the daily flood of downvote teen dumbassery trumps everything.  Bottom line, as a forum member, unless you are "curious about possibly starting to collect vinyl," or "new to vinyl" or "16 and look what you bought with your allowance!" you won't get out what you put in at Reddit vinyl.

That's right kids, if your Ipod Touch isn't cutting it any more, even after the Beats by Dre earbuds birthday present upgrade, and you've resorted to dusting off the hand-me-down dad-rock records in the basement, r/vinyl will gladly welcome you to your new home where you'll be accompanied by thousands of like-minded, equally clueless but passionate newb clones. 

On the opposite hand, If you really wanna learn something about digging records,  Reddit does have a cratedigging subreddit, but it's clearly much smaller.  I haven't been there so I can't comment on it. 

Obviously, outside of the mega-forums of Reddit there are many valuable online communities to enrich your record collecting knowledge and experiences, many with contributing members who want to make connections as much as you do.  Cratedigging forums like the Cratedigging Cooperative, DWG forums, The Record Collectors Guild, and the Vinyl Collective Forum, to name just a few, all have active members of varying age groups and experience levels who are looking for the same mutually beneficial cultivation of music understanding that you desire.  Best of all, you'll find it all without any of the predictable prepubescent absurdity of the downvote teens.  

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