theonewhereistudy

[theonewhereistudy]

things that made me stop wanting to die that require no effort whatsoever

change the color used to highlight text on your laptop

move the pictures on your wall

stack whatever clutter is in your room into piles even if you don’t have time to clean it all

slightly vary your commute, even just by one street

change where you sit and scroll aimlessly on your phone even if it’s only to the chair in your room instead of your bed

drink water or juice out of a wine glass in the morning because nothing is real

shower with the lights off, without music

buy $3 flowers at trader joe’s—they look bad next to the more expensive ones but they look so good in your room

start typing things you don’t post into your notes. your thoughts can be worth documenting even if you don’t deem them worth sharing

wake up super early just once. you don’t have to make it a habit it’s just extra satisfying to go to bed that night

listen to the entirety of your favorite album from 2015

[theonewhereistudy]

your life is not an optimization problem

[theonewhereistudy]

It’s crazy and fucked up that being yourself is actually the solution.

[theonewhereistudy]

do any of y'all know how to feel better about yourselves when you feel like a failure

[theonewhereistudy]

At your girl’s house telling her that sometimes things must be done not for the sake of building a resume but for the sake of keeping the heart soft and aglow

[theonewhereistudy]

Love a fun tagging game hehe

@jesuistitanialablonde thank you for remembering of me in this hellsite (tagged me in main @scoobeedoo, but I haven't been very active there)

I'm inviting anyone who wants to join. It's lots of fun, I promise!

@theresebelivett tagged me in this game. thank you!!! ❤️ i forgot picrew was a thing for a hot minute

1. Do this uquiz ('how fandom would see you if you were a fictional character')

2. Do this picrew.

3. Tag people.

tagging @vlolets @cityghoull @femmehepbvrn @gena-rowlands @jesuistitanialablonde @gayverlyearp but no pressure obvs

[theonewhereistudy]

So embarrassing but who cares. But so embarrassing but who cares but it’s so embarrassing but also who cares but it really is embarrassing but really who cares BUT it’s so embarrassing though probably nobody cares but it’s embarrassing asf and nobody cares but

[theonewhereistudy]

WAIT. Not to be controversial but. What if I just enjoy life for what it is right now instead of stressing about what I’ve yet to get out of it. What if I choose to enjoy this time……I know that once it goes, I won’t get it back from anywhere

[theonewhereistudy]

Haven't been posting much because I'm ignoring university, as if I'm not going to freak out in 2 weeks and try to turn in all activities in the same minute... but that's a problem for future me, and she won't have a very pleasant time. Hope you're doing great whenever this message gets to you, friend. Pls update me on your university adventures, I really need some motivation now.

[theonewhereistudy]

My classes will be back this week... don't know what to do to stop this growing feeling of emptiness and lack of excitement. Lighting up candles is not doing the job anymore hahaha

[theonewhereistudy]

Last week, I learned about herniated discs, adenocarcinomas and acromegaly. Another week trying to beat depression.

Photo 1: The student surviving on mango and passion fruit ice cream

Photo 2: Game of two mistakes: locate herniated discs on the MRI.

Photo 3: Clinical manifestations of acromegaly

[theonewhereistudy]

This week, I went to class every day and was a very important step for me (considering that depression always left me paralyzed most days).

Photo 1: The college building is beautiful.

Photo 2: Reading "The Demons" on the subway.

Photo 3: My friend separating my curls.

Photo 4: A patient who entered surgery with hip bleeding and left with crooked (surgeons, don't do this).

[theonewhereistudy]

five recipes for an exciting life (in my opinion)

spending enough time creating things with your hands (baking, drawing, scrapbooking, doodling, crocheting, journaling and so on)

keeping track of things like pretty skies, milestones, happy memories, appointments you're looking forward to

listening to music that genuinely makes you feel happy and energetic

making a habit of reaching out to people in a way that's comfortable to you (i send my dad songs he might like, my friend sends me monthly life updates)

being kind to all your five senses → like investing in a scented candle or essential oil dispenser or body mist, having a soft blanket or socks (or a soft animal to pet), listening to birdsong or the rain, looking at the sky more often, and having your favorite foods enough times

[theonewhereistudy]

you will feel so alive again.. like so incredibly alive. i dont know when that will be but it will be. u are gonna feel so alive that ur cheeks hurt from smiling oh man oh man i promise that day is coming. you do have a future, you do have good things coming, and you’ll survive everything that’s thrown at you until you reach that day

[theonewhereistudy]

[theonewhereistudy]

people say folks with adhd struggle with "delayed rewards" aka long term goals and as such we tend to focus more on short term rewards. what they don't talk about is that at when we Do accomplish long term goals we don't actually feel anything proportionate to the amount of work we did to achieve it. In my head I suffered for a while and then money spontaneously appeared in my bank account.

[theonewhereistudy]

You should never have shame about your academic journey. It's a journey. You're growing and learning. You're going to face challenges alone for one of the first times in your life. Shit's hard. It's ok to struggle.

I haven't had a pretty journey at all. I'm graduating with a bachelor's degree at 25. I've been in college nonstop since I was 18. I've failed a lot of classes and had to go part time. So many things have happened. But I will have the degree. And that degree is worth the exact same as someone who got it in 3 years. The knowledge I have is mine to keep.

How I got here doesn't matter. I'm here. I am going to graduate in a few months. I have won this chapter of my life. And to those who try to shame me for how I got here and how long it took, I pray that you never experience the things I have that have made it take long. May you live a life of comfort and luxury and have hands soft as silk until you die. And hopefully I will get the same grace from the universe eventually.