#feels like losing ties to him | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

frikatilhi · 10 months ago

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Moving sucks

#my mom moved out of here house today #saying goodbye to my childhood home is pretty awful #feels like saying goodbye to my dad all over again #i miss him so much #feels like losing ties to him #i am trying to keep it together for her sake #but i'm hanging on by a thread

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simplydnp · 4 months ago

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totally normal about the 'wedding?' response continuing to evolve even though it's only been 5 shows. at this point i'm convinced the grand plan behind tit is to convince dan via exposure therapy that he's allowed to want to get married

#going from being afraid of commitment and anti-traditional to not doing it because of spite and pettiness about peoples' expectations...#it's not weak to want it dan. you dont 'lose' simply bc our desire for you comes true #the only reason we *want* it is bc we want you to be happy #and while yes thats tied up in tradition for a lot of us. and theres a lot to unpack there about society and norms and whatnot.#it's rooted in this deep want for you to get your happy ending. and while life doesnt *end* after marraige.#it's a hell of a fuck you to everyone who thought you couldnt make it. it's a hell of a fuck yeah as a celebration of how far you've come #it means the walls you built to keep yourself safe. that maybe have started to feel claustrophobic these past 5 years. can come down.#idk. its up to you to decide.#imo it all comes back to that same thing. dan wants something. but he cant have it bc what will society say about him for wanting it?#so he has to play it down and partake in this convoluted dance to say he doesnt want it thatd be ridiculous #and then folds anyway. bc denial only lasts so long when desire is strong. and it feels like he should be punished for liking it #yk how wad was about carving the words into his head that we get to live? this is like him hearing over and over we want good things for him #titspoilers #dnp #c.text #dan and phil #phan #dnptit

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fromtheseventhhell · 4 months ago

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I can tell I'm Arya-pilled to the max because I'll see other Arya stans talking about the questionable morality of her executing Daeron and I'm just like "That was so Lady of Winterfell-coded"

#arya stark #asoiaf #I'll never shut up about her executing a deserter + helping a NW brother as her name is being used to secure power in the North #and the fact that /Arya Stark/ is considered to be the current Lady of Winterfell by the majority of Westeros #if we hadn't seen him wasting the resources meant for Sam Gilly Aemon and the baby then I would agree since his presence #within the Night's Watch was ambiguous but that fact adds such a cartoonish level of asshole-ness to his character #that it feels like it was added specifically to soften the blow of Arya executing him (along with him unambiguously deserting)#I also heavily disagree that she killed him because he wouldn't take her back to the Wall and she was frustrated with him #that is not how Arya's mind works and that's reinforced shortly after with the insurance man #her executing him was an example of holding onto her identity and the sense of justice specifically tied to that #just like we see Ned do in his first introduction and just like we see Jon do (after intentionally baiting Slynt to disobey)#She was doing her duty as a Stark and if you want to criticize that then start with Ned/House Stark instead of demonizing only her #the gag is that George could've used this to show her losing her grip on her morality and he's just like /nah Daeron's a dick/ 😭

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turtleblogatlast · 9 months ago

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[ cw: dismemberment / ]

I think a lot about how Leo’s rescue could have easily ended in him losing a leg as the portal snaps shut on the Krang still clutching the limb, or, alternatively, only having Leo’s right arm make it out, still held dearly in his brother’s hand as the rest of Leo is left behind. (The latter hits even harder, as it directly parallels his future self in the worst of ways.)

I think a lot about how so many things could have gone wrong during the course of the movie with even a little bit of a change, but it really is harrowing how much of a coin-flip the entirety of the Prison Dimension rescue was.

#rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt leo #rottmnt headcanons #rise leo #dismemberment /#if literally any part of the prison dimension rescue was different it would have ended Very Badly #mikey came in clutch for doing the impossible in the first place #raph grabbing leo and not once letting go was vital #and donnie directly hitting the krang was essential #hell leo having the ability to reach out at all in the state he was in was a miracle #listen I think about the prison dimension a lot if you couldn’t tell #for the next tags:#strangulation mention /#physical trauma induced mutism /#potential death mention /#potential sibling death mention /#barely it mainly focuses on if he lives but /#I also think about how Leo’s trachea could have easilyyy given out as Raph (krangified) was choking him #can you imagine the last words raph hearing from his little brother being I’m sorry?#he’d likely live as the hamato bros are built different but imagine if he straight up can’t talk again after #the bros having no idea what Leo’s plan is but they suddenly feel him disappear with the portal #or also #imagine all he gets out in his hoarse voice is to beg Casey to close the portal before his family HEARS the sudden silence like a knife #even if he gets saved his voice may be wrecked or even gone for good #what am I writing wait-#also for my point on leo losing his arm paralleling his future self #imagine fate being a thing in this world but a VERY situational thing #imagine it makes it so that leo has to lose a limb #but not just that - it also ties his presence directly with the Krang’s - so if the Krang’s somewhere else…so is he

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casualavocados · 6 months ago

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We are brothers. It's my job to take care of you— I don't need it. If you are that free, go find Zhang Teng. Or you can go back to the headquarters and take care of our boss.

KISEKI: DEAR TO ME Ep. 04

#kiseki: dear to me #kisekiedit #kdtm #kiseki dear to me #ai di x chen yi #chen yi x ai di #louis chiang #chiang tien #jiang dian #nat chen #chen bowen #uservid #userspring #userrain #userspicy #pdribs #userjjessi #*cajedit #*gif #flashing gif #love chen yi treading the line between 'ai di is my brother but cdy is not my father' & 'cdy is my honorary father & ai di is my....what'#bc so much of it is projection of feelings onto cdy 'cause it's easier to combine romantic feelings with existing feelings of worship & awe #like being brothers with ai di is so easy too bc hes been there by his side his whole life like the rest of the gang brothers.#but that doesnt explain why chen yi loses it when ai di isnt around. something something souls entwined you know but he doesnt get it #you see in the third gif the way his eyes flick when ai di says 'it makes me happy'. he's like. but you are clearly not happy.#youre lying to me. why are you lying to me. im hurt bc i dont understand what youre feeling & youre not telling me when i deserve to know #(this ties to ep9 'ai di will get angry if he hears us' he KNOWS ai di is protective of him. but he doesnt know the underlying emotion)#then ai di's next line & chen yi sets his jaw like. 'you dont want me here? fine.' ai di is actually surprised & misinterprets his anger #('ofc i know whom he likes') - chen yi WAS upset about that dig but hes much more upset that ai di is pushing him away.#but despite being hurt he shows up hours later to help drunk ai di cuz even if he doesnt fully understand why. ai di always comes first

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wickmitz · 5 months ago

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big believer in rocky being an extremely angry person actually! so much of it is internalized and he very much channels it into specific things ( like wick, or more recently, marigold ) but this doesn’t negate the fact that he is angry and resentful. sometimes being mad is more than just punching people and threats of violence! sometimes it’s quiet seething and forced joy. sometimes awful things happen to you and you letting them happen doesn’t mean you won’t become angry about it. sometimes your anger is fear, and sometimes it’s another thing, and actually maybe it’s always coming from some other emotion but it feels like anger and that’s what sticks. and i’ll also just say that his head trauma won’t be helping him with any of these problems in the future either <3

#my posts.#lackadaisy #i’m exhausted from being out all day but had to lackadaisy post. whoops.#definitely might delete this later to word this better in the future!! though it’ll do for now #personally i can see rocky’s anger just fine in the comics and even in the pilot ngl #like. it is not a conventional kind of anger. but that doesn’t mean it’s not a very real thing rocky is feeling a lot of the time #idk!!! thinking and mulling #i just think at this point in rocky’s life he is so perpetually scared of losing what matters to him ( his place within the lackadaisy )#that he can very easily turn it into a sort of wrathful fire at anything he perceives as a threat #like. what will take my home ( which is mine and the people there tolerate me ) away from me?#it’s an obsessive sort of ‘i can’t let this happen again.’#and i think anger and fear are more tied together than most would think!!!#it’s just. rocky’s anger and freckle’s ‘anger’ is interesting to me. it really is.#as i said : thinking and mulling!!!

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pleasedontcareaboutme · 3 months ago

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It's missing my father hours rn so imma just dump a bunch of pictures here and cry

( sorry i don't know the source of anything I just had them on my phone)

(also dont read the tags i just need to let it out lol)

#I just realized I can call him dad easier than my real dad and now I understand why am I so damn attached to him #I always knew he was a parental figure for me #but now I connected the dots #How when u have an absent dad and a d34d mom a guy shows up in ur life #that tells u life advice that both of ur parents failed to do so #and makes u feel safe the first time in ur life #ofc ud become attached #i know for sure its unhealthy how much i love and miss him #he occupies most of my thoughts honestly #But how could i not cling to him so much when he was the only one who gave me hope in life #i try to keep going and even tho he is not here i keep telling myself whatever he taught me. i keep reminding myself he wants us to live an #bloom and be free #and that's what ill try to do #but you know somedays i wish i could just disappear and be wrapped in eternal happiness #its so fucking hard to pull yourself out of the slump man im so fucking tired im so so tired #somedays i wish id have the courage to off myself but i know that deep down i want to live and ive always wanted to live but i have no idea #how to live. i feel like i finally found a purpose and someone i love. but at the same time im always doubting myself and im scared of losi #g this little hope again and i know i should cherish and use it instead but each day i have this anxiety because rn i have nothing else if #lose this i seriously will lose everything atp. but ill still try bc rn its this or death so i should try im just damn tired yes anyways #sorry for being depressing some days just dont work out but thats okay #yes at the same time i want to get out of my head and try to find some friends but i cant deny that im highkey fucked up and i just cant le #go of my past and i still feel like that helpless unloved kid and idk how to form relationships this way. i dont trust myself at all so idk #how to trust others. and i feel like in order to find ppl that would love me i have to overshare abt my whole lifestory bc it still dictate #my life heavily. and since i met this band its better cuz im learning to deal w it and i want to heal from everything but yes at the same t #me who would wqnt to be friends w. someone that has like a year of life experience and 18 years of depression lol #so yes its complicated. bc i have friends but im like the funny friend. the one that is as shallow as puddle and has no problems but honest #y im genuinely sufferint qnd have been sufferinz all my life so i want to come out of my funny friend role. but that wojld mean i have to t #ll the shit i went through to all my friends but tbh it would be so random so ye. i do have a plan though. how it could work. But yes im ti #ed have been tired for 7 years now. But this time around i hope i can successfully get out of this torture cycle lol.#ok sorry this is what happens after puberty guys i could beva research case for a damn mental institute atp xdd

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aq2003 · 2 months ago

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twelfth night is not a Shakespeare I have read or seen but now I’m a bit terrified of ever consuming it. I definitely would never touch that audio drama with a 10 foot pole though (so so tempting. I might give in)

i was normal about twelfth night and held many normal emotions about it i really liked it for being this fun very messy queer drama until i listened to david tennant malvolio which ruined my life i cannot stress enough all of my evil derangements are because of david tennant malvolio if he had not done any of that i would have been FINE

#YOU CAN HEARRRRR the heartbreak and desperation in dt malvolio's voice #you can picture his expression so clearly whem olivia says to him 'but out of question 'tis maria's hand'#the 'i'll be revenged on the whole pack of you' line reading made me lose my fucking MIND #i guess this is the biggest weakness of the audio drama is that im too busy like actively being upset over malvolio #to even feel anything about the haha funny everything all works out ending #twelfth night #ws #david tennant #when i read the play (esp 4.2) i pictured malvolio as being very very angry. still staying confident in the wake of #what's still happening around him. cuz it's like malvolio gave me a very 'i'm surrounded by fucking idiots' energy #and the only thing he has to rely on is his mind (which he takes a lot of pride in anyway).#also the play is a comedy and i feel like this is the only way for this scene to be actually funny #dt malvolio causes me evil derangements bc he is. the reverse of this lol #he is on the verge of tears throughout ALL of 4.2 his voice is all fucked up from screaming to be let out #when he says 'i am as well in my wits as any man in illyria' it's as much a desperate plea to feste as it is to himself #he's someone who once took pride in being the only sane one but now he's started to doubt himself n that's a whole other level #of horror for him. none of it is funny whatsoever. thank you david i love and hate you for this #idk how many other malvolios tend to give you the sense that he is straight up traumatized from being put in solitary but yeah

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puppppppppy · 9 months ago

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Ouhhhh friendship I love friendship……..

#I’m reading volumes 14-16 of the ouran manga OOUGHHH MY HEART #I love this weird little friend group so much its unreal #like u have this charming sweeps you off your feet prince but he’s actually a huge lovable idiot with a kind heart and his friends #who are all misfits that he reached out to and drew in because of his kindness and own weirdness like that shits TIGHT BRO #and the trauma part where he has some deep seated issues with love bc he thinks that itll break a family apart like with his mom #how his family isnt allowed to be together because his mom and dad fell in love and how he says he wants to build a big house #so that way one day everyone will get along as a family like. all he wants is not to lose everyone and the only way to do that is #by maintaining a certain order.. he both wants a complete family so bad and doesnt want anything to sour between anyone #so he assigns each of his friends a family role based on how he sees them and YEAH its mostly played for giggles and tamakis #already weird so its his way of showing theyre close to him but. god damn this boy has LAYERS #it also feels kinda meta towards how found family tends to get thrown around to assign characters as 'siblings' or family roles instead of #using it to describe characters who are close enough to be each others family. cuz tamakis doing that EXACT THING in a way tht #ties in with his character and i have to say its fascinating using that within the story itself and its completely plausible #theres a lot of things i can say about ouran that are good bad and questionable but. god i love it when characters are niceys to each other #i remember i really liked the mall episode bc kyoya and haruhi got to spend time together and their relationship isnt very close #but it was really nice to see their personalities bounce off each other. i think i also wouldve liked to see haruhi alone with kaoru #i also firmly believe all of the hosts are at least a little in love with haruhi and this can be anything like endearing romantic cuz like #who DOESNT love haruhi. kyoya i think would want to study her under a microscope like his fascination with her draws him in #but im fucking obsessed with whatever haruhi and tamaki have going on because YES hes obsessed with her YES he jumps at the chance to #put her in a cute costume but haruhi? she just fucking goes with it because she knows hes fun to be around even if hes a little wacky abt i #theyre all so. NNGGHHHH #ouran #ohshc #yapping

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yuhenglesbian · 1 year ago

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Thinking once again somehow of how important it is to me that when Wei Wuxian came back to life in Mo Xuanyu's body, the only two people who recognised him were Lan Wangji and Jiang Cheng.

Nothing is more proof of the fact that Jiang Cheng cared deeply for Wei Wuxian. Yes, he was hurt and there was anger but the fact that he held onto his rage and grief for years doesn't read to me as, "he hated Wei Wuxian so much he never forgave him for anything." Rather it reads as anger being the manifestation of Jiang Cheng's grief around losing his brother and closest confidant.

#i think about it a lot actually #but my lord #jiang cheng's hate and anger are all so closely tied to his love for people and his feelings of failing them #rather than “jc hates wwx” its “jc hates (the fact that he couldnt be there for) wwx (when wwx needed him)”#and like that's ok!! he was dealing with losing everything he knew and grew up with #and the circumstances made nothing easier #its actually been years so i cant go into a full analysis bc i dont rmbr a lot #but understanding grief and anger and how close they are are so central to understanding jc #mdzs #cql #fari's all-time faves #i think that's a better way to tag stuff like this #but god urgh. i love them all so much #jiang cheng #wei wuxian #not chengxian let me make this clear #this feels so incomplete but i dont want to go indepth bc if im wrong about details that'll be very embarrassing for me and i'll have to die

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nenoname · 2 months ago

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chewing on my walls when i remember that the perpetual motion machine doesn't appear in ford's dreamscape but it's in the wheel of shame pic and is the focus of stan's nightmares

#not to say that ford never thought about it again cos its very much on his mind during his researcher days #but like there's a feeling of what it symbolised being replaced by the portal itself #while for stan all these things merge and pile into one #the portal also is associated with bill and fiddleford to ford but like #all three things in his dreamscape are deeply tied to stan too which contrasts later with project mentem only having that single stan line #his regrets about his brother being so deeply buried only to hit him like a sledgehammer when he has to lose him arghhhhhh #doomed siblings how i love them

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ohio-thestate · 19 hours ago

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new hyperfixation incoming