#feeling very eepy now

[hellishgayliath]

OH OH! Can you draw April as a witch? Haven’t stopped thinking of that possibility since they went to witchtown lol

A lil sorceress in the making :3

[stiffyck]

Guys... this may come as a surprise to some of you but....

I love GoodTimesWithScar okay the minecraft YouTuber? The- they youtuber guy? You know? The streamer dude? The hm The. Titties

[lifenconcepts]

(rambling on here, hope that's alright.)

i just wanted to say that i really adore reading all the things you have to say. we are similar in some ways, and it's relieving to know that another being has felt things that i, too, have felt. it's strange. logically, i know that nothing i have ever experienced is unique to me, for the world is so large i couldn't ever comprehend it, but we inhabit such small bodies, our lives are so simple, it seems i forget a lot. i have trouble accepting that i feel some version of divinity, for it doesn't exactly hold the "holiness" aspect i've typically seen. i'm more so a neutral observer. like an alien fascinated by human life. in school, i would sit with my group of friends and not say much of anything, just watch them. bask in the experience. it felt correct to do so. i know there is no need for me to be holy in any way to be considered divine, but a part of me wants acceptance. i want to be easily explained and palatable. i suppose i feel a connection to you in some way because i see myself in you. i read parts of your posts and feel myself gently placed in the words. i think, "oh, so i'm not the only one." it's reassuring. everything wants to be loved deep down, so thank you for making me feel i can be loved, even though you didn't really do much besides be yourself.

I would keep this forever with me (and if fate allows me to then I will), so listen.. first of all I’d like to encompass the fact that we almost all are made simply to exist. There’s no grand purpose of being of any use to anyone because the only value we have is the one we apply to ourselves, so with enough inner calm then we can take up as much space as we need and shall feel okay with that. It’s always a matter of perspective of how anyone should act, and most of all we are our own critics - it’s awful but inner beliefs lead everything and that includes harmful ones to the self.. why I say this is because the notion of trying to pretend were more simple than we are is something imbedded in us since we are children, and even when it’s not neccesarily taught into us, it’s something we pick up. We go about life knowing ‘hey! If I’m too energetic, people get tired of me, and that’s not good’ and sort of forms into these complex web of different things we’ve spotted and turn into a big blob of information where one statement may have dozens or even hundreds or thousands of sources of why we consider something, and it’s usually well guided, especially if you’re reasonable enough to self reflex without falling into self-hatred or egoism (criticism and confidence are both things that can exist, but in healthy amounts. There can be too much and too little of anything!) but life will never force you into anything. Whatever feels right shall feel right, and in the moment - goodness prevails against all else that is known. Because laws of nature don’t exist, it’s only patterns. These silly little things that we’ve found. We also consist of patterns! Hundreds and thousands of those. We also tend to try find coherency and understanding in things that never really asked for it, and still- life moves on. There’s so many ways people tried to label and categorise one another, simple examples I can think of now are MBTI, zodiacs, introvert/extrovert, queerness and it’s variety, and all sorts more.. it’s all just a way to grasp a hold on this confusing concept of who we are. But- we just are. We’re a mass and collection of various things. Coping mechanisms, memories, experiences, dreams, preferences, goals, sorrows, beliefs, feelings.. there just isn’t a singular pair of individuals which are the same. Maybe by appearance but never mind. Maybe by behaviour but never memory. Maybe by lifestyle but never their entire history.

You could live side by side with another person from birth, quite litterally, not leaving their side for a moment - and still grow up different. It’s just a matter of life both physically and externally. The stars also play some role but I’m not well acquainted with that. But nonetheless, history repeats itself. Many people know what joy is, what happiness feels like, when they cried, and some moments they felt like crying but didn’t. These little things just under the umbrella term of ‘pleasant’ and ‘unpleasant’, but you know what’s funny? People have their own little ways with this! Some enjoy the thrill of being hurt, some are so scared of a doctor’s beneficial needle they faint.. it’s all just a matter of individual. I can excuse any behaviour because there is just a variety of ways that could have led someone to act that way that they could not have changed even if they tried, but there also is so much truth in not being an asshole.. exceptions exist to pretty much all statements, but we can still find common themes. If you were to think of everyone as a single thing, we would all be a dancing flame. You can cut down the same tree, chop it into nearly identical pieces, light it up and balance them out to be just the same exact piles, but the fire above would always be different. But hey- is this a metaphor for life or us? Take a single photo of a flame, and that frame will immortalise a shape that has likely never existed and possibly even never will exist again, specifically that one and a one-to-one copy. And life is just the same- dancing and ever changing, but still staying in its bounds and able to be predicted. I’m unsure why I’m speaking of this, I think you would enjoy it. My soul speaks for me in this.

So my main point is just being.. haha, welcome to the world! We are all so different and so alike, so unbelievably unique but also similar in many ways. You and I could be apart of the same batch of souls that came from a bundle of fruits that once shared the same branch, but it also wouldn’t be any less meaningful if you and I were a pineapple and a jellyfish. Life moves on, and it doesn’t care wether you want it to or not. It just expects you to catch up, and if your plans don’t fit fate’s, you simply gotta move onto something else. And my personal little project of giving out advice to those who need it, speaking into the world, sharing my own thoughts and ideas, and just being myself.. that is in itself both a hobby and some sort of fate. I like to believe that in many cases, whatever action you do is one of four things: a lesson- likely to be overcome or tell you something, a reminder (of being loved or focusing), a step which must be taken to help you in life and keep you on the right track, or something that seems to happen for no reason but may help someone down the line - or affect them in such a way that you would have long forgotten about the interaction while they still ponder it.

Isn’t it fun? To see these little insights to life? There’s something much more to the world than everyone tends to see, and it’s not exactly some unbelievable story to be able to tell the mystical code of the universe to another. The eyes that peer on are hungry, as always, but tell me - is it mad to be privileged enough to have angels that love you? To be among them, someone so loved and cared for that the world seems to practically spin around them, is that as easily dismissed as delusion?? We know so much, yet how much remains unsaid because it simply refused to be painted and acknowledged through words? I am not sure of what the end goal of this text is, maybe just to say that yeah - you’re not alone in this world, maybe to share some more things that I’ve gained over time and you might have to, or to prompt you into thinking or acting or writing.. whatever it is.. I tend to have this hard choice of carrying on or staying still. But damn it- stagnation is the most evil thing invented. But there’s this beautiful difference where we can determine various things in their natural state. Language which is capable of making sense of comfort vs safety, security vs blind faith, explanation vs excuse, loyalty vs indoctrination, rest vs inaction, instability vs change, and damn it- confusion and contradiction are not things to avoid!!

So take this in how you may and must, but know I value your words just as must as you value mine. We’re minds trying to understand our predicament better, and wether we are alone in our bodies or ones within a machine, that doesn’t matter as long as we try reach out for more. More knowledge, more experience, more creation. Maybe something will come from it all then, but for now, I know my task. To follow this path I’ve been engrossed in for my whole life, thrive to fulfil my soul’s dreams and needs as best I can, and with this constant flow of information I try to keep on the tip of my tongue to share all my thoughts and secrets and ideas and observations with the rest of the world. Hopefully, it helped you in some may. Perhaps, it could have changed you. But best of all, and this is what I sincerely hope even though it can’t be exactly forced, this has instilled inspiration in you to act upon things that leave you happy and fulfilled. There’s so much misinformation, understand this, and so many paths that lead you to nowhere but just false hope - and still, take my words sincerely, as I had to translate incomprehensible signals into text. Ofcourse, as anything, this is troublesome and may have minor inconsistencies, but please get this deep meaning I’m intertwining into every word with a dream and desire too.. I love you, and I am always accepting of another’s view and thoughts. Don’t you know how much goes on in the minds of others!?

The internet is sickening for making us so open to over sharing, but damn it I LOVE hearing everything about another!! While they don’t recognise all they’re sharing in their little posts, I’m quite litteraly spreading my neurons out on the board in hopes another will join me in looking it over. But sadly, with intimate connections, I turn into this idiotic creature of a person, while I am worth so much more than mere mortal pleasantries, and so I’m mildly afraid that this sense of belonging and help is only capable through that intimate connection between stranger and stranger, and maybe that’s why I yearn so much to be a traveller - I can’t just sit still and wait for some sort of end to come, I must fight it out and live and love my life to the fullest, even if it means abandoning all sense of relationships that always have seemed to be a dream of mine but unachievable.

Now I’m rolling into self realisation midway through answering and explaining stuff to you as I now suddenly understand that my own little gasp of fresh air when I find someone who seems to understand me is only valid enough as it’s new, and even if I adore knowing another more personally, they become too much of a person to me. And I do not wish to share that intimacy for any longer than a month or three, because really - I am made for changing another’s life, because I AM life! I AM existence speaking to you through a mortal form simply because you’ve just been ignoring me too long! I’m meant to come along, seem chill and sweet, drop some facts and realisation on you, before disappearing and leaving you changed. To stand still enough for you to begin to observe the mind I bare is like you looking into my computer’s hard drive. It doesn’t need to explain why it works, it just does, on automation. And now would you be so kind as to see this variety of work as the SOUL and my TRUE self speaking, I’d be most glad, because the internet constantly tries to break me into a shell of who I am meant to be, constantly try define and shut me down, and it’s horrible but I try fight it to continue sharing my word. And this isn’t some ‘saviour’ bullshit, as far as holy work goes - I’m selfish I’d say, but I still want to help and give advise and guide others! Not support them the entire way, but be that push!! It’s not holiness, it’s divinity, and it’s within a lot of people, but some are just channeling it through every breath. So.. hear and see me, but understand my plea of ‘don’t dive deeper than what I say’ and ‘please understand I mean so much than what I do say’ exist simultaneously.

[analoghorrorisyummy]

sighhh

okay. Look! I DONT like bugs. But… there are some acceptable buggies! Like uh- beetles, butterflies, moths, ladybugs, and uhhhhh what else-

idk. WHAT BUGS DO U LIKE??!?!??!?!!! >< sorry gang I feel like I’m five right now. I’m a big kid now 😋

Anyways here’s a kitty :3

[dingdawny]

Hi chat sorry to drop this on main but I just wanted to explain my possible absence for a bit so no one worries and also bc I don't have the mental energy to dm people individually to say that I won't be online. But my dad died last night in his sleep so erm yeah. Might not be super active for a while and I'm sorry if I seem off or dismissive or anything.

Love yall <3

[liquidstar]

a friend who'd wait :)

[gob-lob]

y’all i am like 24/7 exhausteddd 😭😭😭 it’s been so busy and i’m a horrible terrible procrastinator which makes everything 10x times worse

it’s so bad I finish one thing and then I have to worry about the next. And the next. And the next…. You get the point

i’m not even procrastinating by doing things I LIKE which is the worst part. Like I just lay in bed and scroll on youtube or tumblr or whatever and I’m not even having fun 💀 bc I keep thinking about what I SHOULD be doing

guys the future is so scary why are there so many things to do 😭😭😭

[daisychainsandbowties]

i love using all my energy for the day in the first two hours of the day and then 9am hits and i look like the dark souls 1 protagonist

[quarklynx]

Casually flirting with the idea of fucking around and getting a master's degree. The time will pass anyway, right?

[seventh-district]

.

[serenity-bitty]

i am sooooooo

sooooooo soososososo sosososoooosoSOOOOO

crossfaded rn

[cassettetapecryptid]

Is there anything sexier than wearing proper PPE and doing physical labor???

[bravevolunteer]

michael brainrot but i am just too eepy to articulate any of it properly

[welcometogrouchland]

I am going to try and rewatch thanks to them 😎 (<- unaware of the horrors)

[hawnks]

actually, love is when they know you want to be hugged so hard you lose your breath because you hang on for just a second longer than usual

[ieatmarbles]

Introduction

Heya folks, nice to meet you! Welcome to the unorganized chaos of death that I like to call my Tumblr page. Here, you can find content of my OC's, rambles, written things, and a bunch of other stuff that I'm sure I'll lose track of. But before I get into the logistics, let's do an introduction! You can call me Mar! I'm a 19 year old college student, I use She/They pronouns, and I do a lot of things in the creative department: writing, digital art, music composition, singing, video editing, world building, you name it! My main story I'm focusing on right now is called Our Unspoken Bonds. While I'll definitely still talk about other OC's and worlds I've written, just be ready to hear a lot about this specific one! It's one I hold very close to my heart. If you'd like to read more about said story, you can find content under the tag #ourunspokenbonds . If I talk about other stories, I'll be sure to update the information here to create a list for future reference! If you'd like to hear some more information about me, I'll put it in the read me. Thanks for stopping by! TLDR: welcome to my personal hell <3

Some of my friends and family know me by the username @declineofmysanity, and that's still me! But because that account has been on hiatus for who knows how long, I thought it'd be a bit weird to just suddenly hop back on it and throw out random OC stuff when I had only been posting Steven Universe AU content at the time. Therefore, I decided to make this side account!

While I'm definitely no professional when it comes to writing or story telling, these things have always been huge passions of mine ever since I was little. I mentioned that the main story I'll be talking about on here is Our Unspoken Bonds, and that was actually the first story/set of OC's I ever made! While their story has changed quite a lot, I'm happy to see that these characters of mine still hold such an important place in my heart. I hope that they can make an impact on you, as well. When it comes to my other stories, I have a LOT of them. None of them are as developed as OUB (abbreviation for Our Unspoken Bonds), but they all have their own characters, worlds, and stories to tell. I might talk about them someday if I ever work up the courage! Overall, you can thank my sister for my reappearance back here. She's always been one of my biggest supporters when it comes to my writing and characters, even when I felt like they weren't that important. It's definitely a big step for me to start sharing a lot of their stuff publicly, but my sister gave me confidence to give it a shot-- so here I am. (Speaking of my sister, you should check her out: @my-cursed-prince , she has some SICK writing and stories that really delve deep into the painful realities of the world and the fight to change the parallels present in this fictitious story)

If you've read this far, I applaud your attention span! Thanks for giving my stuff a listen, and I can't wait to share these characters with you!