#feeling so normal and not like im going to die and explode and die and die and d

[cedar-scars]

cringe culture dead

my hear me out cake is just this fucking asshole

mentally:

[rhinco]

when i get to the airport they should just take one look at my big pathetic wet eyes and go ok boss she can go on the plane immediatrly no futher quastions

[suiana]

omg guys!!! i've been thinking about it but like yandere! jirai kei bf >>___<<

he wears pretty clothes and has all these super cool fashion stuff! he has a really cute sense of fashion and is an absolute pretty boy!!! bro is actually loaded with money too and loves to buy you cute plushies so u and him can match :3

unfortunately he's also a bit crazy!

YOU: haha bae ur so funny im gonna go sleep now

mentalhospitalpatient#69: ok babe good night ❤️

5 minutes later

mentalhospitalpatient#69: baby how could u not invite me to sleep with you? r u cheating on me? do u want me to die? u know how much u mean to me i cant believe this im going to breaki into ur house and explode

yeah hes an absolute landmine. u remember there was one time where u didn't say u loved him and he went batshit ballistic CRAZY

YOU: lol ok see u later

mentalhospitalpatient#69: yay >w< see u later bby!! i love u!!

seen at 14:23

mentalhospitalpatient#69: okay i see how it is u dont love me anymore is that it? u hate me? i knew u never liked me i shouldve just gone the kidnapping route n made u mine that way ud never lose feelings for me. the normal route was too risky i cant believe that i actually thought things would work out for once but

YOU: what the fuck vro

YOU: i love u now chill damn

mentalhospitalpatient#69: okay❤️ yay❤️

mentalhospitalpatient#69: actually no why did u speak to me in that tone i knew u hated me im going to burn your house down

you can't believe ur dating someone like him. you know that he overthinks a lot and is... unhealthily attached to you but seriously?? he can't go 5 minutes without a fraction of your time and it's actually making you crazy.

if it weren't for that monstrous dick and his pretty face you probably would have shoved him into the mental hospital.

actually he'd just break out.

"wtf what r u doing here bro u should be in the mental hospital???"

"yeah i broke out because i missed you <3"

...you swear one of these days he's actually gonna act on his words. and when that day comes you'll probably explode and die. stupid boyfriend. you're gonna throw him into the ocean.

[amoristt]

the night falls like heaven || 2

part one (x)

「 ✦nam-gyu/reader ✦ 」 tags: sfw // hurt/comfort, mild sexual themes, mild violence, not as angsty as the first one lol, namgyu is a fake idgafer,

a/n: im so happy to get this final out UGH i do have one more small piece related to this mini series ( wink wink iykwim) that ill get posted asap! i hope you guys enjoy hehehe word count: 7.5k | songs i listened to (x) (x) original request (x)

・❥・When you open your eyes on the dawn of the third day, the first thing you’re met with other than the ceiling is the hushed whispering of other players already awake. Chatter that grew by the minute, drowned out below you. 

Sitting up was a hassle for sore, sore muscles and aching bones that had been shaken to the very marrows. You remembered praying, staring up into the white tiles above, for god to give you an easier day than the last. 

You weren’t sure how much more of this you could take. 

Nothing could have prepared you for the third game. Mingle was a monster bearing teeth and a gaping maw, biting and snarling and killing. Blind panic, grabbing hands and twisting fingers. Room after room watching the light in someone's eyes go out through the miniscule gap in the heavy doors. 

Almost every second of the game was spent in apprehensive terror, watching the room go round and round until you were dizzy between the colors and blood. The way fear had stricken you made it hard to focus on anything except numbers and faces, split second decisions that showed only the truest of nature, tailing the few people you’d grown acquainted with into rooms bathed in muted greens and oranges. 

Nam-gyu was nowhere to be seen- or perhaps you were just simply overlooking him, lost in the sea of moving bodies and swaying feet. 

Groups of six became five, and then four. One after the other, names of those you’d never gotten the chance to learn became grave markers. Four, and then three. 

Over the days, you’d grown quite close to a player who’d happened to choose the bed a couple feet from yours, the both of you chatting about the people scattered about the dormitories. He was a kind man with dark hair and even darker eyes that never seemed to feel untrustworthy. Normal enough, friendly enough. Quick to let you join his team during the six-legged race even though you’d found him with a sour expression and an ever more sour attitude. 

So when the number of players per room dropped to two, you jumped to grab his hand and yank him into a room. The least you could do, you think. He had been so kind when you kept messing up your minigame, managed to gather your confidence into the final try, you owed it to him to get him through his game. 

You threw a door open and let him jump inside. For just a second, all the chaotic cries were muffled through the thick walls. 

But only for a second. Because something true and powerful ripped you back by your tracksuit, dragged you right out from that room and sent you skittering on the floor feet away. The wind knocked from your lungs, the back of your head bouncing off the floor with a crack. Fireworks exploded behind your eyes, obscuring the scene before you, but not so much to miss a man slipping into the room after forcibly taking your place.

When you finally bring yourself to your feet and try to pry the door back open, you see your friend held back by that damned player all the way in the corner. 

“Run!” Your friend cries. No sound reaches you. “Run!”

The step back you took was shaky, your mind swimming, lost under the ocean. Heat flooded your skin, prickly and loud. Your heart was a thrashing beat, beat, beat, in your ears. 

Outcries and players beating on doors in the corners of your eyes. 

You were going to die. 

The first thing you think of, standing there frozen in place, watching your friend try in vain to free himself from the other player’s (your murderer’s) grip, was what death would be like. Doors slam shut, rooms occupied with poor souls clutching at the window trying to pry the doors open.

The player holding your friend back gave you sorry, sorry eyes despite it all. 

You hoped the afterlife would be kinder than this. 

And then, with seconds to live, you think of Nam-gyu. The time spent with him argues with the pit of hours spent wasted. Years of wondering and then days of having. It was never good for you, not really, but you loved him in a way that made you weak in the knees. And you missed him so, so deeply that when you’d locked eyes with him on day one there was this little part of you that hoped he did, too. 

Clearly, he did. And you fought against him like a bull, his hands tearing away on your horns, all anger and sneers. A piece of you rearing its head, an angry beast that would prickle at the very thought of his name. A suit of rage to hide away that broken hearted girl standing in the doorway, wishing he’d stop her. 

All that. Just to let him back in. 

If you had known this was the end, perhaps you would have let him prove himself.

You’re yanked to the side so intensely you almost drop to the ground like a stone through murky waters. Running, somehow, even though you couldn’t feel your legs. Everything is a blur of colors and flashing pinks, your brain’s gears have gone haywire and firing blanks in the disarray. When you’re getting your footing back, and your eyes have decided to process the sight before you, you’re drowned out in green covering every corner. 

Metallic thudding and muffled screams. You’re spun around on your heels so quickly it almost made you tip over all over again.

“Why the fuck were you just standing there?!” 

You hear his voice before you see his face. 

When you do, and Nam-gyu’s blocking that abhorrent neon light beating over your skin, it feels like all the gears have stopped. Tunnel vision, all else echoing away in chambers far forgotten. His hands drag from your shoulders to your face, tries to gather the bits of you scattered outside the room. 

“What’s going on with you, huh? Listen to me!”

He’s angry. Or, at least, he looks like it- sounds angry too. But the way his eyes are scanning you, searching you over in noticeable distress tells you otherwise. Fingers running through your hair, tips dancing through your locks until suddenly they nudge up against something so sharply sensitive that it makes you leap. He’s quick to stop you when you try to shove against his chest. 

“Hold still,” Fingers still searching, the palms flat against the sore spot you’d cracked against the hard floor. “You hit your head.”

Not angry, after all. Even the animosity in his tone has melted into something quieter. He draws back and checks his hands for blood. 

“I’m fine.” You have this idea to push Nam-gyu away from you. For some reason, you don’t. You lean into him. Maybe it’s because your head is still struggling to support your brain. Or, maybe, it’s because at that moment you were grappling with the reality that was him being one of your final thoughts. Again. 

Flirting with death was becoming a trend with a common denominator. 

You bury your face into his chest and let yourself feel protected for the first time in years. For a moment, Nam-gyu tenses. Unsure, disbelief. 

“Thank you.” Your voice was a gentle hum that vibrates against his chest, and sticky tears are dampening your water lines, lost in his tracksuit. Wakes him up, muscle memory wraps his arms around your body. You can’t hide the way you tremble like a leaf.

And you can’t hide the way he soothes it all out, rests his chin against the top of your head and lets you use him to find yourself in one piece.

You thank him again, even when he says not to. You thank him, and thank him, and thank him until the door unlocks and you follow him out like a braindead zombie. Pools of blood, now more than ever, are splattered along the floor. 

You see yourself among them.

Still a meandering zombie all the way back to the dormitories. The top bunks have all been taken down, marking the end of lives. There’s a pit in your stomach that only alleviates when you lock eyes with your friend- and this stupid grin explodes over your face when he realizes you lived. He’s across the room from you now, but he’s warm all the same. 

It takes a long time to find a new bed to call your own, but when you do, you hope laying down will help you with the thoughts rattling around in your skull. 

.

Hours later, you’re still drowning in thoughts. 

I do know you. That's exactly why I won’t be on your side. 

Your throat strickens. A million thoughts are bursting your brain at its very seams and spilling out from the cracks. Chatter is endless in the dormitory, but you loiter in uncanny silence. 

You know that I can’t stay with you. Never again. 

The extraordinary disdain so profound it had scared even you to hear it rolling off your tongue. Standing before you, ears flat and flickering tail tucked, an unending urge to control, Nam-gyu had been the very same man you’d deserted for all those years. But the core of you had been so blue it would frost to the very touch, sapphire walls of licking flame to keep anyone and anything out. Even as you found companionship in the presence of others, your mind called for him until you’d hushed it with an onslaught of terrible, terrible memories at his own hands. 

But then you almost died, ripping the cord back on your third attempt at the spinner, watching it tumble fruitlessly as your heart thudded in your ears. Finally getting it, and still barely passing the finish line with your lives intact. It rocked you- changed you, but only in the ways you didn’t notice right away. Walking back into that dormitory, frightened as rabbits before great jaws of teeth, the first thing you fancied yourself to see was him. 

You felt something real when you did- something forgotten and dusty creeping into the forefront of your mind. 

And then he went and saved your life during Mingle. 

Plucked you from the claws of death itself and dragged you into that washed out green-lit room, the colors hueing off your skin and glistening in his eyes when he grabbed your face to check on you. The distress of his expression, the red-hot regard for you to be in one piece, to be in his hold again after so long… It rewired something in your fuzzy brain. Clarity, or illusion, settled and fired echoing shots of previously snuffed out passion to life. 

Reminded you why you fell in love with him, why you never wanted to be without him. More specifically, why being his girlfriend, his one and only, was so important. 

You had known from the start that you were his. You knew it the first night he’d picked you up on his night off and drove you around the city, watching the lights sing in the hues of his eyes. You knew it when he crept into your apartment at a very whim after a long shift, particularly worn and falling into your bed with beautiful ease. 

You knew it the first time he kissed you, eager and fervent. And you knew it the first time you felt him inside of you. Heavy, filling, the perfect piece to all that you needed. 

At the end of the day, you knew it was always you and him- until that fact began to waver and fade, and you found that resolve cracking. Disappearing for weekends at a time, never returning a text or a call, until suddenly it was two in the morning and he was at your door, and you’d barely even get the chance to rub the sleep from your eyes before he was pushing you into the walls and stripping you down to your very bones. All teeth and grabbing hands and your voice chanting his name through the silence. 

A flame roaring so deep and red hot it scorched at the touch. 

It was such a small request, you felt- labels. Be mine, be mine, be mine so I may give myself entirely to you and trust the fall on the way down. You needed that reliability, you needed to know that he held you as you held him. And, lord, you had been so sure of yourself. Brought it up as you ran your fingers along his chest absently, exposed and naked and shimmering with the hazy afterglow of sex. 

No had caught you off guard so severely you had to ask him to repeat himself. The second time you heard it, it hit you like a cold bucket of water splashing overhead. Drenched, chilly down to your very bones. Air ripped from your lungs, mouth dry when he proceeded to laugh at you. 

“Be serious.” He’d chittered. “I’m too busy for all that.” 

Voice wavering, tears already threatening to build in your eyes as you spoke, I am serious. 

“Don’t be a bitch, okay?” Hands touching your naked sides, wrapping around you like slithering snakes threatening to drag your life from the confines of your skin. A touch that felt as slimy as his voice sounded. “We’re fine like this.”

“So what, you just want to fuck and call it a day, forever?”

Lips finding your neck. 

“Come on. You know I like you.” Licks up your jugular, doesn't notice the way you aren’t shivering at the feeling, locked up. 

“If you like me then be my boyfriend.” His ceiling was mundane, void of anything particularly eye-catching, but you couldn’t tear your gaze off.

“I’m busy.”

“…Not too busy for sex, though.”

He pulled back to look at you, this growing sneer on his lips. “What’s gotten into you, huh?”

“Come on, is it really so bad? Being my boyfriend?” You sweetened, tried to soften him. “I just wanna hear you say it, y’know?”

Nam-gyu had tensed at the word the first time, and he did just as well the second time around. Prickles at every word. 

“We’re not fucking-” He gets up and you’re cold, and you’re heart broken and there’s rage simmering somewhere in your belly. “What we have is fine. Don’t complain about shit.”

“Seriously Nam-gyu? You show up and you fuck me and but that’s all you want out of life?” When he doesn’t answer, that simmering rage bubbles into more, swinging your legs from around his bed and bringing yourself to your unsteady feet. “Tch. Fine. Forget about it. ‘Too busy’. God’s sake- If you’re too fucking busy have you considered working a little less?”

Nam-gyu’s jaw tenses and he scoffs, climbs out of bed and passes you right by to throw himself limply onto the couch. 

“Can you chill? How about you focus on you and I’ll focus on me, yeah?”

You took all of five minutes to throw your clothes on and find yourself running down the halls of his apartment. All you bore was your clothes, your phone, and your dignity. Rest be damned, scrambling to get to the privacy of your home with eyes so blurred with tears you almost didn’t make it. 

Months and months to scrub him from your body, even longer for the weight of his presence to go unnoticed in your mind. Even longer to stop seeing him in your dreams, and feeling your heart flutter with every knock at the door. 

You should hate him, still. 

But oh god, you can’t.

And oh god, the way he looked at you in that room, all hands clutching and grabbing and touching you so gingerly you wonder if you’d died somehow, after all. In that moment you wondered how he could ever hurt you at all. Beautiful and warm. 

Years to forget him. 

Exactly 3 days for him to sink back in as if he’d never left. 

Corners of your brain would always house him, the door was always propped open and all the windows unlocked. Nam-gyu would find himself right back where he had started within you, leaving dirty footprints through your hallways.

The differences in him were subtle creatures, if you’d blink you’d miss it at times, but he’s trying and that means he gives enough of a shit. He’s waiting for you to open your arms and welcome him back in so he could make a mess of you all over again- and though you may be a fool, you decide to throw the poor dog within him a particularly tasty bone. 

You don’t sit next to him by any teams, but after grabbing your dinner from the guard you make a point to settle upon a set of steps within Nam-gyu’s general vicinity. It’s an invitation- one that reaches him in alluring calls the very moment he sees you lean back and catch his eyes. As always, he was eager to take that chance, hastily getting up from what little ‘friends’ he had and scurrying over to sit beside you. 

At first you don’t offer any words. There’s a certain weight in the gapping pause, like he’s at the edge of his seat, leaning on every inhale and exhale of yours. Dark eyes and a pointed expression that can never quite seem to figure you out. He waits, and he waits for you to break the silence whilst spinning the rings on his fingers, his meal yet to be touched at his lap. Your tongue swipes out over your lips.

“Thank you.” Tentative, careful. But you break the stillness regardless like a stone through water.

“You already said that.” 

“I know, but I need to say it again. You could have gotten yourself killed, you know.”

Poking through his rice with his chopsticks, all he offers is a dull shrug, like it doesn't matter. Your eyes narrow, and you mock him with a dramatic shrug of your own.

“That’s all? Really?” He won’t meet your face, chewing the edge of his lower lip. You scoff. “Does your life mean that little to you?”

“How can you ask that? It means a lot to me. I don’t wanna die.”

“You almost did.”

He finally finds your eyes, expression caught somewhere between the dance of upheaval and agitation. Perhaps he doesn’t even understand it himself- the way he’d thrown his life around so easily for you. You’re pushing him, so you reign back, let yourself soften just enough. 

“You could have died, and you did it anyway?”  

“Damn it,” He sets his food down and rubs his eyes, dragging at the skin. “Why’re you always asking so many questions?”

“Because you never tell me things on your own.” You pluck the fried egg from your box, chewing down the cold food. When you take a bite, Nam-gyu does too, whether he means to move in tandem with you intentionally or not. 

“I tell you lots of things.”

“Sure, but nothing I ever really wanna know.”

“Alright.” He puts his food down again, swallows his mouthful of rice, restless. “Ask me shit, then.”

You know the smart thing would be to have a couple buffer questions, little things real easy for him to digest, but the words leave you before you get the chance to pull them back down to the pandora within your chest. 

“Why did you turn me down?”

It should catch him off guard, but it doesn’t. His blinks down at you, jaw tensing, those eyes of his always so stormy and unsure. Once again, all he manages for you is a shrug. He’s hiding right before your very eyes, all hands reaching out whilst slapping yours away when you reach back. A scared, hurt, biting dog. The tendency to howl for your love was beastly and he never stopped bearing those teeth. 

“Please,” A sweet touch to his arm, a downcast to your lovely eyes. “I have to know why you didn’t want me.”

“I did want you.” He says it so fast you have to take a second to process him. Your brows knit, the early stages of confusion and anger bubbling under your skin as you set your bento box down. Your temper was always the first to bloom.

“Clearly not, or you wouldn’t have let me leave.”

He swallows, tongue poking out to swipe over his lips. “I freaked out.”

“Really? Because I remember you just sitting there.”

“I know.” His fingers find his mouth, teeth catching on the hangnails he’d worked into the nail beds during bouts of anxiety. “I was freaking out. I didn’t want all that extra shit and then you left and I-...” He swallows again, mind searching for all the words. “I don’t know. I didn’t think you’d really go.”

You have to digest it all for another moment, a pregnant pause as you do. The look on his face that day, so mullish and nonchalant even though you knew with every fibre of his being that he was anything but never left you. Haunted you, drew you away from anyone that shared even an ounce of similarities. You saw his smirks, heard his laughter, saw the outlines of his posture in strangers and it always made you sick to your stomach. 

There’s a thousand questions, now, but you hone in one in specific. 

“Extra shit?”

“Extra shit. Like-... Girlfriend, boyfriend shit…”

“Nam-gyu, we did have girlfriend, boyfriend shit.”

“Yeah but then you wanted to go and make it some official thing. If we already had it, why bother? All labels do is cause problems. What we had… It was good. It was fine.”

Your skin is starting to heat up. There’s a fall to your tone when you slip your hand off his arm and murmur, “Fine, for you.”

His eyes follow your hand retracting as if you’d cut him, shoulders slumping. “...Why didn’t it work for you?”

“I really liked you. I needed all that extra ‘official’ shit, whether you think it’s stupid or not. It meant a lot to me. It meant that you were serious about me, that you wanted me more than the… Fun. we had.” The words leave you forlorn, alive but peaking at the brims with defeat. “I knew I was yours, but… I wanted-... Needed to know that you were mine, too.”

“I was yours!” Nam-gyu leans back hard, terse and pointed with this sullen desperation around him that cried hear me. “I was yours and I didn’t need some stupid name to prove it.”

It’s a tale as old as time, true as it can be when he’s bunching his sleeves up, gripping hard to the inner fabrics, growing frustrated and antsy under the glint of your spectacle. His skin twitches like it’s its own separate entity, like he has to squeeze and clutch and drag to get it to settle back over his muscles and nerves. You’re sure you’re under there right now, worming paths through his veins and into his brain like a sneaky little parasite he could never seem to shake. 

All it takes is a gentle touch to his arm again. Reminds him that you’re right there, beside him. 

And then he’s giving up. Losing his edge, losing his temper but crushing the rolling bites of anger into a simple longing itch of you. He’s trying to clamp his mouth shut but you’re dragging it all out of him anyways, cast by cast. It’s a gratifying satisfaction you never knew could scratch so good. You’d wanted it since the start- all these swirling emotions sputtering from his lips so you could lap up every sound. 

Fingers fall from his tracksuit. You eye him, meet his dejection face to face. 

“Why was being my boyfriend such a terrible thing to you?”

Nam-gyu’s expression falls miles below anything else you’ve seen thus far, somehow. Drawn and weathered, far away down into his lap and hiding himself within the darks of his eyes to escape your gaze. 

“I didn’t want anything to change.” Strands of hair slip past his ear and hang around the frame of his face, further shielding him. “I didn’t think… I don’t know what I thought.”

“Didn’t think what?” It’s like pulling teeth, you find, extracting the bits of him he’d clocked years into burying. You coax him anyway, and he finds your light with compulsory desire. 

“I thought I didn’t want it.”

 “It, or me?”

“It. It really got under my skin. You, got under my skin.” When he looks at you, you can truly see the mask breaking away into shards. A person suit coming untwined as the real him bloomed. “Girlfriend had a lot of… weight to it. I didn’t want all of that, but you then left, and I don’t know.”

And thus, that nonchalant squarecrow he’d planted onto that couch all those years ago is gone in the blink of an eye. You remembered him ugly and defiant in the moment, but you had overlooked the smirk of anxiety. The way he watched every move you made, the way he rubbed red into the skin of his hands with his fingers itching to drive into something, anything to release the tension. 

I thought I didn’t want it.

A weight settles in your chest as the being of him crawls further into your ribcage, carefully.

“...How do you feel, now?”

Eyes travel from where your touch meets his skin, up to your shoulders, and then to meet your line of sight. His lips twitch, parting, but he’s searching for the words. Searching for you, you realize, reaching and begging to be taken out from the cold. 

“I thought you died earlier.” He blurts. It throws you off guard, but your perturbation is only as long as it takes for him to continue with the ghost of fright still saturating the memory. “After the six-legged race, I thought you died, and it felt like it was my fault.”

 “Hold on, I chose to not join you.” Your brows knit, clutching the fabric of his tracksuit a little tighter. He just shakes his head. 

“If you had died, I don’t know what I would have done. It was only for a few minutes, but fuck. I just kept thinking I shouldn’t have let you say no.”

A cross between amusement and empathy shapes your lips into an uptick, your palm dragging upwards to his bicep. “That’s the problem we keep having, Nam-gyu. When are you gonna’ realize you don’t ‘let me’ do anything?”

“Oh, I know it already. Trust me.” A sigh leaves him but it almost sounds like a scoff. 

The recollection of your momentary loss eats at him. In all the years you’d been gone from his life, a ghost turned into forlorn fleeting blips of memories, you could still read him like your favorite book. Line for line, word for word. Every character and detail etched into your mind, a glorious museum packed to every corner with him, him, him. 

There’s this part of you that’s coming to life again, rising from the ashes not so much like a roaring phoenix but this gentle stream of embers singing the tips of your soul. Like an old battery, a feeling that comes from deep, deep, within. The uncanny urge to sooth out all those tensions stoning over his muscles and push his hair from his face as he always does. 

“I didn’t realize you had been that upset, earlier.”

Which is a lie. Truth be told, when you’d managed to find your feet back into that dormitory, the first thing you sought was him. And he was on you, quick, teary and red. In that moment, you could see the way he felt as though he could breathe again. You all the same- this all consuming relief washing over you like a wave from head to toe. 

He was the first thing on your mind when you’d walked in, and he was the last thing on your mind when you fell asleep that night. 

Nam-gyu’s breath stutters as he nods.

“I almost did.” You murmur, feeling the blitz of terror that’d driven into your heart during your round. “I kept fucking up the spinner, and my teammate lied about knowing how to play Ggongi. Because of us, we barely even made it with a second left. You wanna know something?” It takes a second for him to look you in the eyes, but he does, and you smile pathetically. “I remember thinking to myself, man, I should have gone with you. And then you went and saved my life earlier and I felt like such a…” 

He blinks at you, and you can’t help but laugh. 

“I felt like such a bitch.”

For a couple seconds, he doesn't react, but when he does, he leans back and clicks his tongue. His lips tuck upwards and he’s trying to not smile- your heart soars. 

“You can say it this time,” You giggle, nudging him. “I won’t be mad.”

Another shake of his head, those black strands falling even further from his ear. “Yes you will.”

Tongue swiping out over your lips, you can feel the energy lifting back up, buzzing and trilling like a spring day melting away the laundering billows of snow. Something blooms there with beautiful petals under the sun. 

“You haven't answered my question.” You chirp. He looks at you, and you’ve got him now, all his attention and all his warmth. Subconsciously, you lean towards him. And he does the same. “How do you feel now?”

There’s a heaviness that adopts the space between your bodies. Heartbeats and staggered breaths moving in tandem, a rhythm you knew all too well. All the time apart, bitter and spiteful and angry, just to realize that he’d never truly left the closets of your soul. You knew him like your own self, knew all his fine tunings and the jagged edges of his resentful anxieties.

Nam-gyu takes in the very essence of you with those all seeing eyes of his. 

“I never stopped thinking about you.” 

The world stops turning all at once when he speaks. 

Oh god, how your heart bursts into flames, unaware of how badly you’d been wanting this. Like getting a taste of the finest wine, or a forbidden fruit, so sweet and perfect and dripping down your chin. A confession spills from you in the stream. Years of snuffing out that licking flame just for it to combust into a raging wildfire at his whim. 

You can’t stop yourself. 

“I haven't, either.”

A version of you from three years ago howls out in retribution.

But then it’s hushed with the doe of his expression, leaning in like every word out of your mouth is gospel. His own personal bible, his own personal heaven. When you tell him, his breath leaves him in a broad rush of air.

A  voice echoes over the speakers, chopping chunks out of the palpable tension growing. Lights out in five minutes. 

For a long moment, you both just watch each other. The raw brunt of emotions is palpable, thick over your mind and body like a sheet of yearning tension. 

But Nam-gyu speaks first after he glances towards where your bed had been, gone as the number of players dwindled and the beds were rearranged to compensate. “Where are you sleeping tonight?”

“I found a different bed.” You don’t tell him that you purposely chose an empty bed closer to his, but when you point to it, you can see the pleased expression drawn out from the disappointment. 

“If you get nervous, come to mine.” He says suddenly, and you blink at him. 

“Nervous?”

“Just saying.” Fingers catching his sleeves, bunching the fabric up. “You can if you want.”

‘If you want’. He’s learning after all. 

“I’ll keep that in mind. I’m gonna get to bed, okay? I’ll come talk to you in the morning.” 

You say it so softly, like it could wound him. Perhaps it does regardless, however, because the look he gives you in return is especially pained. Hates that your getting up, hates that there’s going to be meters and meters of metal frame work and sleeping bodies filling the spaces that lead to you. He almost grabs you, fingers popping out from under his sleeves, but he reels himself back in and instead leans back against the wall of the step and watches you. 

Leaning down, you kiss his cheek, and you pretend you don’t notice the way his breath lodges into his throat when you do.

.

It’s quiet that night. This weight has settled over like a blanket of smog threatening to snuff you out everytime your breath leaves your lungs. There’s this irritation stuck within you- a certain twist and churn within your guts that makes you shift positions ceaselessly. The present arguing with the past, years of growth and the endless tumble back down to where you’d begun. The mindless, dangerous joy of landing flat on your back under him all over again. 

Laying on your side doesn’t work, your brain far too busy behind your eyes. You give laying on your back one more shot, eyes staring up at the bottom of the bunk above you, but it doesn’t help. Nam-gyu still floods your mind no matter what you do.

Fuck, you still see him. Those beautiful angles and the slopes of his cheekbones, the feeling of dragging your hands down his shoulders to his chest and marking every last inch. 

He’s saying your name within the confines of your skull, the sound echoing through your dome. 

You’re hearing him now, too? Great. As if it wasn't bad enough before. He’s taking over your mind, your body, and now you’re having to audibly hear him like a teasing ghost paying you visits of desire. You’re the same person you were three years ago, for god’s sake. After all you’d done to move on he’s still there under your skin, working his way through the ridges and bumps of your brain. 

“Hey, are you even awake right now?”

Wait- that’s not in your head. 

You launch up with a gasp sputtering in your throat, eaten by the sudden lurching fear of a dark figure leaning over your bed. The knee jerk reaction to scream fails you, as does your strength when the figure leans in close and you try to shove them away hopelessly. 

“Stop, stop! I’m not gonna’ do anything.”

Oh, it is Nam-gyu. He’s just decided to come and sneak up beside your bed like a creep in the darkness and properly scare the living daylights out of you. The sudden plummet of your nerves makes you wheeze out a sigh of relief and you toss yourself flat onto your mattress. Your hands cover your face, dragging the skin down in irritation. 

“I thought I was going to die.” You hissed.

“Come on. Seriously?” He sat at the edge of your bed, and you’re so fucking relieved it’s not some random player coming to sweeten the pot, that you let him without a word. 

“I didn’t realize it was you.”

“Who else would it be? Thanos?” 

“Yes, actually.” You smirk at him through your fingers. “That’d really bust your balls, wouldn’t it?”

“Don’t say that shit.” He grunts, huffing. “You being serious?”

He looks pathetic, even despite the way his brows collect in annoyance. You used to find that cute about him- all angry and ruffled on the outside but always this anxious, soft little thing on the inside. So pent up with nowhere to go, clinging to the few things that he gives a shit about but no means to show it. 

You still do find it cute. At least a little bit, anyways. You must because you find your lips tugging upwards before you can stop them. 

“No, obviously. Your friend is fucking weird.” Saying it like he isn’t weird, too, is a funny thing. But his weird is different in your eyes- better. 

You start to wonder if maybe things were changing, again. Reverting and revisiting a side of yourself he’d forced you to abandon. 

You also start to wonder if that's a good thing. It’s hard to tell with Nam-gyu. He has a way of making the things so terrible for you feel so, so good. 

He’s just sitting there in silence, thinking harder than you’ve ever seen him think. The tenacity of him is something new- which is crazy, because you truly had thought you’d seen all the in’s and the out’s of him. 

“Can’t sleep?” Your voice drags him out of his trance. 

The floor lights illuminate a glow in his eyes when he turns to look at you again, those dark hues far away. When he doesn’t answer, and you fully take in the somberness of him, you have this urge from deep within your soul. An insatiable itch that you’d refused to admit to yourself you’d been longing for the last three years. You swallow hard, your mouth opens and closes, struggling to get the words out.

“...Do you want to lay with me?”

It’s like inviting the vampire into your home knowingly.

Nam-gyu doesn’t linger for even a second. Maybe he’s afraid you’ll change your mind if he doesn’t jump on the chance, or perhaps he’d been desperate to be at your side since you’d left him that day. You weren’t sure- not really, but he was throwing himself at your side in the blink of an eye.

Even worse, his arms are already snaking around your body, finding you against himself in the darkness. Entitled to your body, and taking your air with him. A part of you has this immediate suspension- or more like, an experienced worry that those long fingers of his are going to try and explore down your body until they find something all too warm and familiar, but just like the look on his face moments ago, somethings different about him. Something longing, feeling. 

He drags your back against his chest and he cages you in his grasp and he buries his face into your hair, breathes you in so deeply you’d think he’s getting high off your scent. Squeezing you so tight like he can’t believe he’s really got you. He even brings the blanket over you and pats it over your shoulders before he nestles in against your body.

“Nam-gyu,” You whisper, and he hums in response. “What are you doing?”

As if you aren’t actively letting him, as if you aren’t feeling all your tensions melt away in his hold. A puzzle piece settled back into its place after so long it ached. 

His response is quiet, broken up. Words you never thought you’d ever hear leave his lips. 

“I missed you.”

Between his confession and his breath on your neck, you shiver. A full body wrack that makes you crack your eyes open in the darkness. 

“Yeah?” Your voice is equally as wavering.

He just nods and clutches you tighter. He’s never been this sweet with you- not even when things were good. And then he goes and surprises you again for the second, or third, time since he’s slinked into your bed. 

“When we leave here, give me another chance.”

The fence you’ve stuck atop of is mighty tall with a great leap on either side. One side him and all his backage, the other, lonely peace. To go through all that bullshit again might actually kill you. And fuck, you’ve done it, you’re out. You’re on the other side and untethered to him after so long, but he’s so warm next to you, and he’s saying the things you used to imagine in your weakest hours…

“You’re serious about this?” You ask, barely above a whisper.

He can’t say it, but he can nod against the cradle of your neck. 

“...And you’ll be my boyfriend?” You’re chewing the inside of your cheek, putting heavy emphasis on the label, making sure it rings true through that thick skull of his. 

Another nod. Your breath stutters in your fluttering chest. It’s slow, hesitating, but it’s there and you’re rolling over to face him through the dim lights. In this light, you can see certain parts of him that you’d seldom ever been able to touch. This softness, endearment that you caught fleeting glimpses of in his afterglows. Vulnerable. 

Your fingers find the sides of his face and he reacts like they’ve got their own gravitational pull, putty in your hold. Your touch is like warmth in the cold, like shelter within the storm. Life over all else. 

“So say it, then. Tell me you’re mine.”

He presses his lips into a tight line. “You already know I am.”

“Say it.” Dragging your thumb over his lower lip. “Say it so I can kiss you.”

You can see, you can feel the way light soars into those dark, dark eyes. His lips part. 

“I’m yours.”

Nam-gyu’s lips against yours, fingertips ghosting the mound of your cheekbone. 

It’s like coming home again. 

Sweet and gentle and nothing like you’d ever had the fortune of sharing with him. Kisses with him were always so urgent and demanding, but this was void of anything other than the yearn of finding yourself again. It’s the most intimate moment you’ve ever had with him, you think, in the middle of a packed room inches from death.

So intimate, that when he pulls away to gauge you, you drag him down by his collar for another. 

The flat of his palm cups the side of your face, and you hold the fabric of his suit to keep him right there. Deeper, this time. 

Too long for him was a beast of its own entirely, one that grew claws in your nail beds as you buried your hands in his thick black hair and let yourself melt into pools of honey around him. He’s equally so fervent, passion radiating off him like an aura, all hands and twisting arms and his body covering your own. Your back is flat to the bed and he’s overtop of you, so familiar but so different from before. Real and raw. He’s gripping a fist into the pillow beside your head, the blanket shifting off the bunk entirely and pooling onto the floor, forgotten. 

You pant when he breaks away, his hair tickling your face. He kissed your cheek, your jaw, and you’re excited to find his lips at your neck but instead he just kisses your jugular and buries his face within your collarbone. 

You wait for him to try to take it further. To claim the prize he’d really been working for- that sickly-sweet nectar between your legs that always seemed far too eager to drag him in. But he doesn't, and he’s quiet, and he’s breathing in your scent. 

And you haven't felt better in years. Clicked into place, even with the plane. 

“Okay.” You pant., find his shoulders and trace lines down his back, marveling in his twitching muscles under your ghost light touches.

“Okay?” His breath is hot against your skin. 

You pull him from the crook of your neck and pet down his face. He kisses your hand and you can’t stop this foolish grin from spreading over your face. A single nod.

“Okay. I’ll stay with you.”

He stops breathing. 

“For the game… Or, afterwards…?”

“For the game and afterwards. If we make it out.”

All of his weight settles at once, as though you’d pulled the pounds lodged onto his shoulders off entirely. 

“We will make it out.” His brows twitch together, caught between the cocktail of relief and trepidation, realizing that he could lose you all over again. He props himself up over you before he leans back on his knees, your waist trapped underneath his weight. 

You prop yourself up on your elbows. “You don’t know that.”

The moment you start to get up, he feels the need to flatten you back out under him with those hands of his. And you’re just as happy to do so- watching him towering over you before he lays at your side and wrenches you against his curling form. He kisses the back of your neck, chaste and soft until your skin flutters under each one. 

“Whatever happens,” You murmur, running your fingers over his knuckles. “I’ll stay with you.”

“We’ll make it out. I’ll make sure of it.” One more kiss to the back of your neck before he nuzzles you into him. 

It feels right. It feels like being rewarded, like getting the thing you wanted most in life. You bring his hand up to your lips just so you can dot kisses another his wrist. 

“I’ll hold you to that.”

[spidercoris]

SBG EP 95 FASTPASS SPOILERS

there’s so much to unpack for this episode…

1. this panel is so fucking cute i love them i hope they explode the besties ever

2. AUAAUUAUAGGGGHHHHHHHAYAUAUAGAYA BEN LOOKS HORRIFYING

3. since these phantom versions of themselves are using the same bodies that they use in the phantom dimension, would ben be hurt once the shift goes back to normal? like once they go back to their usual midnight routine will bens body in the phantom dimension still have a bullet wound in his leg?

4. logan being the one with common sense as per usual 😭😭 (also if someone dies because of this split up im calling it that taylor will somewhat blame herself since she suggested the idea)

5. a little birdy told me that tyler and aiden were gonna have some angst during the separation… could possibly be tyler totally breaking down because of his separation from taylor (red has confirmed they have separation anxiety) and then aiden has to awkwardly comfort him. OR it’s the other way around and tyler has to awkwardly comfort. i feel like tyler’s good at comforting but when it comes to aiden it’s a bit weird cause their relationship is more bickering than actually talking about feelings

6. aiden ur so funny please never die

7. i can imagine in the future whenever logan in the phantom dimension taps on aiden’s shoulder to ask him something he always gets a mini heart attack and flashbacks to that moment

“hey aiden-”

“AUAUAUAUAGHH- oh sorry haha what is it logan”

“…nevermind”

8. logan looks hella scary AND aiden looks so scared here. GOOD! yknow why? it could mean he’s slowly leaning towards wanting to live (since he’s kinda hinted at being passively suicidal). if this happened to early season 1 aiden he definitely would’ve enjoyed it more like “oh it didn’t kill me lol kinda a let down would’ve been more fun” BUTTTTTT he’s actually afraid which means he could be afraid of dying! CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT! also i’ve never seen him have that facial expression how is bro still holding that smile

9. “so… we’re running right?”

“oh yeah definitely running” please they’re so silly

[luvyurself]

sick fic

a/n : I NEED HIM SO BAD IM GONNA COMBUST INTO FLAMES AND DIE IMMMAGOFUCKINGRABID

flufftober masterlist

c/w : she/her pronouns, sicky reader, set kinda with season one in mind, after lois and jimmy figure out he’s superman, I need him.

______

a sneeze escaped her lips, groaning as she grabber a tissue from the table infront of her.

her brain felt like it was going to explode out of her head, her eyes watering with every blink, the whole shebang of being sick.

she was just fine yesterday, a sneeze or two here and there but nothing this extreme. she chalked it up to allergies, gaslighting herself that it would go away by the next day.

well look how that went.

tank top strap hanging off her shoulder, blanket half covering her body, she pulled her phone from the charger and brought up the group chat she was in with her work friends.

me : “sorry guys, calling in sick today :( just got hit with the worst cold ever.”

as quickly as it was sent, all three people have read it, lois’s icon popping up as she began typing.

lois : “oh no! I hope you get better ☹️”

jimmy’s message followed after hers.

jimmy : “dw, we’ll catch you up on everything you miss until you get better ‼️”

she coughed a bit and smiled, typing out her response.

me : “thank youuu <333 I’ll be back to normal in no time hopefully 😭”

the groupchat goes quiet for a moment, throning off her phone and closing her eyes to try and get ease the headache.

a ding rang from her phone at the same time someone knocked on the door. she groaned grabbing her phone and seeing a recent message from lois.

lois : “btw, clarks on his way 😋 he got worried for you.”

that message snapped her out of her fatigue for a moment, another knock coming from her door.

she heard the familiar voice call out her name, “I-uh…I saw your text, I just wanted to drop by and see if you were okay.”

hearing his voice made her throw the covers off herself, quickly getting up (and having to pause from the dizzy feeling of getting up to fast) and staring at herself in a nearby mirror to look presentable.

she won’t ask how he got here so quickly, she was already aware of the super speed….and well everything else.

“Ah! I’m-“ she coughed a bit at her hoarse voice, fixing her tanktop strap and quickly fixing her hair, “I’m-I’m coming-!” she spoke, quickly making her living room more presentable as she stumbled to the door, unlocking it and catching her breath as she stared at the man.

“clark-! what-what…” she paused for a moment to catch her breath, clearing her throat as she continued, “you-you didn’t have to come here for me.” she cringed at her voice internally, leaning on the door a bit to support her shaky legs.

clark had a look of concern on his face, moving his glasses up a bit, “well, I wanted to make sure you were okay, and it’s a good thing I did,” he paused before looking over her, “you….look…” he let his voice trail off before he could say more.

a soft scoff left her lips, “like a complete mess?” she finished, closing her eyes and resting her forehead on the door.

she heard him give a short laugh, “now I wouldn’t say that…butttt you do look incredible fatigued right now.” she felt his hand gently move her from the door, pushing her forward a bit as he rested both hands on her shoulders.

“come on, let’s go lay you down.” his calm voice was soothing to here, letting him guide her to her couch and sitting her down.

she let out a soft sigh, rubbing her face, “you should go back to work, you’ll get sick.” she mumbled, laying down on her side.

clark shrugged, watching her with a little smile, “it’s alright, I can afford to catch a little sickness.”

she turned a bit to look at him, a little pout on her lips, “but superman can’t afford it.” she spoke, making his eyes soften and kneel down to her to brush some hair away from her face.

“I’ll be fine, besides, I don’t think I can get knocked down from a cold anyway.” he gently spoke, running his fingers across her cheek, “all that matters to me right now is you getting better.”

her eyes fluttered with his touch, leaning in as she felt his hand move to his forehead to check her temperature.

“hmmm….fevers pretty high….” he moved his hand away, hearing the crinkle of a plastic and looking at the bag he had brought in. she didn’t even notice it when he walked in.

he rummaged through the contents, “now I got some medicine, I had to ask lois and jimmy which one would be good…” he mumbled, “oh and I got some ingredients to make soup! my mom taught me how to make this once, it’s always helped me to cheer up when I was younger-“

as she listened to clark ramble on and on about his childhood, she felt a tired smile make its way on her lips. she loved his voice, it could make her feel so much better on her hardest days.

mid ramble, she brought her hand to her mouth and kissed it, raising it up to press it against his cheek. clark stopped, his face exploding with heat as a shaky smile went across his face, his hand going to place it on top of hers.

she cleared her throat, “I can’t wait to get better so I can kiss you properly.” she said, making clark give a soft laugh and kiss her palm.

“I can’t wait either.” he whispered, moving to stand up and brought her hand down to her, “try and rest up, I’ll prepare some food for you.” he spoke, rubbing her shoulder once more before walking to the kitchen with the bag in his hand.

she moved to state dreamily at the ceiling, yawing into her fist as she blinked her eyes close.

she was starting to feel better already.

[stormyelliotwritez]

thinking about xmen 97 gambit angst fic except im evil and its reader boyfriend finding out he didn’t come home from genosha… smiley face 🦕

Hehehehehe, this is gonna be short coz theres no like character for x reader coz gambit is dead so ya

WHAT?

It’d had been a normal day. Remy had assured you that it was just a party and you could stay home because you’d been feeling tired. He assured you that he’d be home before you went to bed. It wasn’t meant to be a long party.

When the hours dragged on, you got nervous so you put the tv on. Soon enough, the news was blaring. GENOSHA ATTACKED!!! GENOSHA ATTACKED BY SENTINELS!!! You fell backwards onto the couch and watched in terror. Surely Remy was okay, right? He promised he’d come home, right?

You watched the news as it kept going, showing photos of exploded buildings and sentinels raging hell on innocent mutants. You could have helped. Remy should have made you go, despite being exhausted. You could have been there with him.

You decided that he’d be fine. It was Remy and he was always fine. He was Gambit for fucks sake. He was one of the toughest guys you knew and he’d stay safe and he’d come back to you.

You heard a knock on the door so you teared your eyes away from the tv. It had to be Remy waiting outside but there was a little voice in the back of your head saying that he had a key so why would he knock. You still ran to the door and opened it.

“Remy!”

You looked again. No…

“I’m sorry. He’s not coming back.”

It was Rogue. Why the fuck was it Rogue? Why wasn’t Remy there? You stumbled backwards and slid down the wall, tears falling down your face. You sobbed and screamed.

After a few moments, she walked in, putting her phone away. You knew she’d messaged Charles or Logan or someone. There were protocols in place. There were protocols for when someone lost the love of their life to make sure they didn’t go batshit and ruin everything Genosha stood for.

You were pissed. How the fuck did he die? He’s fucking Gambit! He shouldn’t have died. He promised he’d be back before you fell asleep. He fucking promised!

Rogue sat down next to you and placed her gloved hand on your shoulder. You stared at her, your eyes narrowed. “Get off me.”

She quickly pulled her hand back and watched as you stood up.

“Can you get out?” Was all you said.

She went to protest but your lips were in a straight line and you’d stopped crying. She quickly left, taking her phone out to call Charles. He was the only one who’d be able to deal with you now.

You slammed the door shut and collapsed onto the floor again. Why wasn’t he coming home? He promised, he fucking promised!

[banamine-bananime]

AITA for trying to save my friend and keep the rest of my asshole friends safe from their bad decisions?

I (M26) just went through this real shitty breakup. So basically, my ex C (M lmao man fuck if i know his age idek if knows it. or has one i guess) has this god-fucking-awful habit of deciding to solve every problem by dying about it and/or fucking off without so much as a word to the people unfortunate enough to give a shit about him, except maybe his sister (unhelpful for the rest of us because she also inherited the "fucking off without a word" gene. man fuck this whole family for making me care about them. whatever). Also, killing himself inside peoples brains thats like a whole hobby for him. like okay either ghost us OR kill yourself in front of us altering the trajectory of our lives forever PICK ONE like a NORMAL person.

Okay wait im not explaining this well. So years ago C and W (M37 now) were partners but C was, uh, in a really bad place mentally (S is telling me this is more diplomatic to say than "crazy af") and that situationship ended as badly as a situationship can end. I mean W's told me he pretty much had his sense of identity as someone separate from C totally destroyed by that for a while, which like, in hindsight its kinda an accidental dick move that our team made him take C's legal identity, but in our defense a) the fuck were we supposed to know?, b) tbf he really did need it not to go back to prison, c) it's not like C was using his identity, on account of the fucking off and effectively-dying-as-a-solution habits, and d) i mean. i gotta admit it's also pretty funny in a really fucked way.

aw shit derailed on a tangent again

recently its just like, we just get so focused on one thing its hard to remember anything else, you know?

S is so good at getting us back on track though. thank god because you would not believe the number of irons weve got in the fire to keep track of, its ridiculous. (i love making my partner be the planner in the relationship lol. highly recommend being a passenger princess in the body sometimes. fuck massages, i'm telling you THIS is what you need after a long day getting shit DONE and taking care of everyone else's messes)

So I met C 6 years ago, right out of basic, when we were privates stationed at the same base. middle of nowhere. shit, this is gonna be hard to explain, just realized i should use different names for C to keep them straight. I knew "A" and W knew "E", i didnt meet E until years later. theyre alters and also the same guy but also not the same guy. dont worry about it if you dont get it bc ive dated both of them and i dont think i do. my life is stupid.

Bunch of bullshit happened, A ghosted (lol. you'd be high-fiving me if you knew him) and then found a problem to solve by dying. you get it by now.

Then i meet E, E encounters a problem and tries to die about it round one (i guess round two, after exploding in W <- LOL. you should be high-fiving me right now), E's sister drags him back to the land of the living, E ghosts, W and i start dating, W tries to martyr himself and disappears because i guess E rubbed off on him (dude i am on a fucking roll. you should be high-fiving me out of pity for my glamorously miserable soap-opera life if nothing else. homophobic not to), our team gets W back, E strolls back like he has no idea why im mad at him, we fight about it, makeup-makeouts about it, and E tries to die about it round two: in my brain boogaloo.

So thats how S and i meet. oops, guess i never introduced S? Feels weird to have to introduce ourself twice, people dont really meet us separately anymore LOL. S (M, ageless) is also C's alter, my partner in life and badassery and brain and body. and obviously freaky sex stuff, that goes without saying but i'm saying it anyway to brag. the swish swish to my stabbing people who really deserve it. Not really interested in your opinion on our relationship, it's not what i'm asking about. we're aware its not conventional, because we're not fucking braindead. Im so sick of all the "oooohhhhh this isn't healthy", "he's a male manipulator and youre codependent i know bc i learned psychology from tiktoks by girls with green hair", "why are you wearing your ex-boyfriend's armor colors while wearing his dead ex-boyfriend's armor while dating and sharing a brain with your dead mutual ex's alter", "have you considered going to therapy instead of a quest against death itself" blah blah blah. If youre so bored you need to judge our life then just get your own 🙄🙄🙄

we've been really on that sigma grindset the last few weeks. S has got our sleep optimized down to a tight triphasic 3.46 hours and we're minmaxing the fuck out of the rest of every day. Biohacked to shit over here. too much to do, so we have to make there be enough of our time to do it. who else is gonna? my teammates? the REDS? we're half batman half babysitter to a gaggle of idiots who can barely be trusted to wipe their own asses, let alone fight their own battles and make decisions like "wah wah wah A is dead let's just give up and cry about it or whatever".

Don't even get me started on W. Oh youre all about character-building wake up and grind self-improvement and taking leadership until we're making decisions you dont like, i guess. WHATEVER. this is why we dont listen to you.

its hard, okay. like, you cant understand the sheer fucking stress were under trying to keep all our plans going smoothly while keeping these guys safe while they're basically actively trying to unravel every carefully-laid thread and also strangle themselves in them. im probably going prematurely grey and also losing some time. its hard to remember when we need to hold back and use the kiddy gloves. i really didnt want to come to holding - uh, we'll call him MC (M25) - by the throat, passed-out. he's like a brother to me, been through thick and fucking thin together, so yeah, i feel really bad about that, my bad, we were the asshole there, but like, maybe stop throwing yourself in the way? like run out into the road you're gonna get hit by a truck no matter how hard they slam the brakes. mfw the conses quence. but im NOT asking about that. everyone's been on our dick about "please god stop doing all of this" and abandoning A and trying to break us up way before that, and THAT'S what im asking about

Anyways tl;dr are we the asshole for getting shit done when it takes methods that all our monday morning quarterback friends dont like

_____

OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:

it really was a dick move to dangle my teammate's limp body in a chokehold even though it was basically an accident and also not even directly relevant to the question

OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might not be the asshole:

okay but we're right

[dabuerre]

so, normally, i would post way more, about specific episodes, as i tried to do, but like damn. my watch of season 2 absolutely flew by.

i have so many thoughts about everything. i think this is for me the same thing as star trek. thats the highest compliment i can give it.

i love the "crew". with every new episode, sam grows more beautiful.

"Holiday" hit me pretty hard, which i didnt expect.

apophis is dead? damn bro. like finally. but he died the most horrible death. i feel awful for his host. because, even though Daniel Jackson did the whole capture the soul in the statuette thingie, it doesn't matter, because heru-ur probably keeps torturing him eternally. not sure.

my god. "One False Step". also incredibly good. i knew, that Jack cared deeply for Daniel, but their friendship wasn't really there. something was missing for me, i guess. this episode completed it for me. that scene, when they are sitting on the hospital bed apologizing to each other? perfection. and the whole idea behind the concept, with the singing mushroom guys, i love this episode so fucking much. when daniel exploded with the whole "we are genociding a people" i was genuinely very worried that they are just gonna all die.

"Show and Tell". the Retoor. so fucking cool damn. but creepy asfuck aswell. that whole mother business creeped me the hell out. when the boy told Jack that he wanted to be called "Charlie" i was devastated, because i thought for the third time, Jack was gonna lose his son. atleast that didnt happen, ig. i do think though that the Retoor are possibly even a bigger threat then the Goa'Ulds.

"1969" was my kind of episode. absolute perfection. we got. time travel shenanigans check. we got hippies in a cool fucking bus? check. we got young lieutenant hammond? check. loved the whole road trip feel that the episode has. i think the actress for "old" Clarissa was not well chosen though. small nitpick.

and now, "Out of My Mind". now i immedietally you know that only Jack being in 2077 was impossible. the show couldnt continue if they got off-screened. but in my mind i assumed that maybe Jack is gonna time travel back to 1997 or something. but then when the Tok'ra doctor gave him the "high-tech hypnosis" device, i suspected that something shady is going on. the Teal'c insert, with the whole speech, and Bratak being beaten, was suprising to me. i genuinely thought more people would rally. but again, stargate is perfection, cuz yeah. these people completely lost their identity. like, jaffa, to me, is a title, right? Teal'c is not a jaffa, he is Tauri, i guess, be grew up on Chulak. so are they Chulakians? were there ever a time when they weren't occupied by the Goa'ulds? idk. cool to thing about. more to come i hope.

and then of course came the peak moment. now i dont really ship Jack and Carter yet. atleast i didnt use to. i thought they worked completely well as just great friends who have huge respect for each other. but when Jack killed Hathor, in that manner, and then the hug... yeah man, i knew. i knew haha. but yeah, not possible. fuck regulations. so i guess this will be another Beverly situation.

gonna start watching season 3 now. im so happy that i found this series haha. i thought it would take longer to find something on the same level as startrek. you people got it good in the 00s. haha.

[vriska]

i think the reason toga died was because horikoshi sensei wanted to see what we could create out of it and he knew that no yuri love story could ever be normal . he knew that he cooked up some fire yuri and went "no, no. one of them has to die."

im sorry but i gotta hard disagree, i dont think you have to have one of them die when it literally goes against the themes of 'needing to save the whole person' and building up that villains are human too, they're people and undermines both character's arcs, but Ochako's especially gets shafted when she wanted to talk to and save Himiko, only for her to fail in saving her in the end

literally every other male character pulls some bullshit out of their ass to survive by going plus ultra or whatever the fuck, but Himiko dies from some blood loss? Dabi was literal bones and he's still kicking, Bakugo had his literal heart exploded and yet he's fine, Edgeshot should've fucking died from stretching himself so small and thin, Mr. Compress had like his entire side torn off and yet all these male characters somehow survive these insane life or death situations - even ones that don't have as much plot relevance/armor like Edgeshot, but like, blood loss. really? in a show where its proven time and time again that the human body is capable of incredible things when pushed to the absolute limit, it feels heavily more unrealistic for her to have died from something so... plain (ntm Himiko was exhausted but she wasn't also losing blood, she wouldn't have even needed to give Ochako All of her blood to stabilize her)

and to top it all off the insult to injury was adding in that no one ever saw the conclusion to Himiko's and Ochako's fight, no one saw Himiko saving Ochako. Killing Himiko when she was right on the cusp of finally having a way to exist in this world - of finding love and understanding in Ochako - only for it to be cruelly snatched away? idk it just feels like the story's tossing its hands up like oh well!! too bad!! there's actually no saving any of these people that society failed, better luck next time!!! bc like it just proves that everyone was right all along to fucking reject Himiko because seriously there's no way she can survive in this world??? having her on board to help Ochako with the quirk counseling would've been way more impactful

also i just really hate like 'character is redeemed in death' trope because i dont think dying =/= redemption, there could've been other options, i know death makes it more dramatic and tragic and i get the emotional impact of it but when you put it up to scrutiny it just feels like once again female characters just aren't afforded the same shit male characters get lol

[eikichi-supremacy]

ik ppl hate fictional deadbeat moms but im an avid enjoyer. my feminism knows no bounds truly/j

like i get it she did a bad job. but shit she still did a job that's for sure!! like. she did it do you understand. 14 year old girl is pregnant. it's disgraceful. a shameful stain on her family. yusuke doesn't seem to have grandparents or anything so besides yusuke's bio dad she's got no one. and then when yusuke is a toddler the father disappears and considering who he is and what he's like that's probably for the best. gonna go out a limb and say that yusuke was maybe 4 or 5 when his dad cleared out so. at 18 and entirely alone. atsuko looked down at this little thing. this baby because he's still a baby to her this is a baby who only has her. Not even 4 feet tall with the biggest brown eyes looking to her for everything because he quite literally has no one else.

he doesn't know she's a failure yet. he doesn't know people will look down on them just because he exists as he is. he doesn't know how hard this is going to be from now on. all he knows is he loves his momma

so she doesn't cry. she just meets his big innocent eyes and goes "it's just you and me kid" and yusuke doesn't know that that's a sad thing.

so she takes care of him the best she can and it still sucks but yusuke doesn't know what the standard she should be held to is yet. for a small time she is the greatest and best person in his world and he's the only one who thinks so

then he meets keiko and her parents and finds out that his normal is actually dysfunctional and that his mom actually isn't all that great. that living day to day in the bottom of a bottle isn't healthy. so she's no longer praiseworthy but this person he's responsible for. just like that the roles reverse. because while she was all yusuke had yusuke is also all atsuko has. he doesn't respect her but he still punched the motherfucker in the mouth that called her a tramp. she taught him how to do it.

atsuko comes to terms with the fact that Yusuke doesn't really need her anymore, probably never did so she doesn't bother to care when he skips school or beats whoever he wants to a pulp or gambles because at 14 she was expecting so what the fuck can she really say about him. he sneers at her as he makes her coffee. atsuko lights another cigarette

it feels like betrayal when her son dies. at 14 she had him so how can he die at a sorry age like that. i wasted my teenage years on you for what? so you can die and leave me here? you fucking brat. how can she recover from this? yusuke was all she had. he hadn't looked up at her with an admiring gaze since he was 7 and stopped hugging her goodbye soon after but still he was hers he was hers and then he was gone

but then he comes back. and she doesn't get much better as a mom or as a person really. she tries harder than before maybe (keeping him in school) but yusuke never expected her to. he's made up of her bad habits and uncaring attitude but he's so much better than her. became something good something strong despite how shitty of a job she did raising him.

she's not proud because she has no right to be but something like it tugs in her chest when she sees him feeding the people he cares about at his little ramen cart looking as happy as the first time she'd taken him out to park.

yusuke's dad suggests taking another crack at the whole family thing and she wants to laugh in his face. the only family she'll ever have is that little boy who's stronger and braver than she'll ever be.

she doesn't want to see him laying cold in a casket ever again. he's meant for life, a soul as bright and durable as his. atsuko hopes he lives to see the sun explode

[anachronistic-falsehood]

hi king how was the worm did you enjoy the worm how many Normal Feelings did that fucking d&d ending give you because they fucking. DEMOLISH me every time I think about it

I ENJOYED THE WORM I ENJOYED THE WORM SO FUCKING MUCH. GODDDD. SHAPE IM GOING TO THROW UP AND DIE BADLY. god. okay. alright. locking the fuck in im going to just rant about literally everything holy shit

ok so first of all taylor. TAYLOR. holy shit dude. girl who makes good decisions!!!!! sooo many good decisions!!! amy you have to alter my brain you have to do it to defeat scion you have to do it!!! im going to explode!!! taylor hebert thinking about how things could potentially help in the long term but never ever thinking about how her decisions effect people in the short term!!!! not thinking about how rachel and lisa and anyone else would feel seeing her ruin herself in a crazy attempt to get more powerful to defeat scion!!!!! GOD!!! and after the fact when she was talking with contessa, she admitted she would have done it differently. she REGRETTED IT. she has never ever admitted that she regretted any of her plans BUT SHE REGRETTED THIS ONE. SHE WOULD HAVE DONE IT DIFFERENTLY. HEAD IN FUCKING HANDS. TAYLOR HEBERT ADMITS SHE DID SOMETHING STUPID!!!!

and she's in another world with her dad now. hang on i sent messages 2 the hornfreaker discord that perfectly encapsulate my feelings about her i'll just put them here if i think about her for too long i feel like eating my carpet

ALSO DEFIANT. OKAY. DEFIANT. drives me fucking crazy that taylor was controlling all of the tinkers and having them make a huge fucking machine and the first time she had them use it she "gave defiant the honour of flicking the switch" <<EXACT PHRASING. like she KNEW that was something he'd want to do so she made him do it!!!!!! and i talked abt this in the discord too but i dont wanna scroll back that far to find my messages but when the tinkers left her influence they kept fucking building it!!!! and i just know defiant was the one to convince the others to keep working on it once she wasn't controlling them!!! i just fucking know it!!!! he would have been pissed about being controlled but he and taylor are So Fucking Similar he would have UNDERSTOOD what she was doing and pushed to make her plan happen. AND WHEN THE DEVICE WAS READY. HE WAS THE ONE AT THE SWITCH AGAIN. BUT WILLINGLY THIS TIME. THAT DRIVES ME FUCKING CRAZY. the story started because of taylor and colin and it fucking ended because of taylor and colin. it started with them at odds and ended because of them working together. AUGHHHHH

AND D&D OUAGHHGHHHHH THEYRE SO FUCKING. IMPORTANT TO ME. SHE'S FREE NOW. SHE'S FUCKING FREE. NO TEACHER IN HER CODE NO ONE FUCKING AROUND WITH HER MIND ANYMORE. NO ONE CHANGING HER AGAINST HER WILL. SHE'S FREE AND DEFIANT FREED HER. BUT ALSO SHE FREED HERSELF BECAUSE SHE MERGED WITH PANDORA WHICH WAS LITERALLY AN EARLIER VERSION OF HERSELF. IM GONNA EAT LEAD. THEY DID IT. SHE'S FUCKING FREE. SHE CAN DO WHATEVER SHE WANTS NOW. dude if you had told me back when i was reading the aftermath of the leviathan fight that colin arm master wallis would be one of my favourite characters ever i would have spit on you and cursed your name and thrown you out a window or something. god. he and dragon are so everything to me. im gonna throw up and die. he's no longer zeus he's content being a hephaestus....... "my worst days with you are better than my best days alone" "you saved me" "i never thought i would be a cape wife" im going to eat my carpet

[alyimoss]

I don’t actually know anything about your underswap I’d love to hear about it!

explodes ok so.

this ended up being the length of the average one-shot so it has to go under the cut

tbf my underverse is not super developed. i mostly just have. sans, papyrus, alphys, and undyne figured out (though not fully) and the rest im still thinking through. but nevertheless i love my swaps and would die for them.

between those four, the swaps are pretty standard (so sans and papyrus swap, and so do alphys and undyne), but they generally have a bit more like?? backstory as to why they are the way that they are?? my underswap is like. base ut but something went sideways and now shit's weird. so these characters, for the most part, started out like their classic counterparts, and this is why my swaps have more of their base ut traits than some other swaps.

like- for example, my swap papyrus started out more or less like classic papyrus. he's energetic and ambitious and he puts his all into the things that he does and he believes in everyone!! but he lets his reality wear him down more than classic: where classic keeps up his "fake it til you make it" kind of attitude towards his own popularity and just keeps trying even if he fails, my swap pap realizes that no matter what he does, he's not the person he wants to be. he wants to be the cool popular guy that everyone wants to be friends with, but… through years of rejection and failure, he eventually resigns himself to just being some fucking guy. not important. forgettable.

so he stops trying. he stops trying to make friends, trying to put himself out there, etc. the thought of joining the royal guard doesnt even cross his mind because he'd preemptively decided that its pointless — he wont get in and hell just make a fool of himself trying. why bother? the funny thing, though, is that, as a papyrus, i guess he can never truly stop trying, because he kind of does a 180 here. instead of being some cool extrovert popular guy, he assumes the persona of just the average guy. he masks his effort levels, trying to make it seem like he's someone who really doesnt try that hard (because he doesnt want to look like a tryhard), so like for example, where classic papyrus speaks in all caps to show his effort (and classic sans, conversely, speaks in all lowercase to show the exact opposite thing), my swap papyrus speaks with proper capitalizations because thats what normal, average people do!! and hes just a perfectly normal, average guy… just your average, completely forgettable rando…

i guess at his core, hes someone influenced wildly by shame and a fear of being his true self, because he doesnt see that self as being worthy enough because it doesnt fit his specific criteria (this is smthn that also applies to classic papyrus, at least to a certain extent, but thats not what im here to yap abt)

and then his spiral into depression is what pushes my swap sans into becoming a proper swap. he, like classic, knows about the timeline and resets and whatnot, and has, too, given up. why bother? nothing matters. except then he looks around and he sees the townspeople notice. his friends at the bar ask if hes okay, and when he blatantly lies to them, he can feel their hopes dwindle. he feels the whole town almost become darker, heavier. he cant fathom himself having this kind of impact on others, but he feels it and even if its not his fault, if its just a byproduct of them all being stuck underground for so damn long, he feels like hes doing something wrong. he feels guilty. and then he sees papyrus. his brother, who had always shined like the brightest star in the sky, giving up and losing hope and hiding away from the world. and sans feels responsible.

so he does the only thing he can think of — he decides to try. of course, that doesnt mean that he actually feels any better. he doesnt think this will do anything in the larger scheme of things. but he cant stand seeing his brother like that. he cant stand the guilt. and so he becomes more like classic papyrus — he enrolls in the guard, he makes rounds around snowdin, he cooks and cleans and drags his brother out of the house with him. and even if he has no energy and he feels like hes drowning but the waves are still crashing on top of him one after the other, he keeps going because anything is better than the feeling of failure.

this is where id go in on his backstory and why he feels this way about failure, but. i kind of. dont have anything. and anyway i keep these two's backstories brief in most aus bc canonically we do not know what the fuck is up w them and i dont know if we ever will. and really im fine with that, the mystery makes them. but yeah anyway, due to circumstances, my swap sans is riddler with guilt and the fear of failure, and he will do anything to prove he is not a failure, that he can at least do something right.

oh and also speaking of guilt, papyrus notices this change in his brother. and he recognizes that he has a part in it. and as grateful as he is for his brother's attempts to cheer him up, he also feels immensely guilty because he can see better than anyone else in the whole underground just how much his brother's self-imposed duty weighs on him. he blames himself for letting himself get so bad that now his brother is suffering from it as well, but he also cant get any better. cue the self-loathing cycle. anyway, as a result, he ends up sharing less with sans. its a means of lessening his burden — if he doesnt know the things going wrong in papyrus's life, he wont have to waste time and energy on him and wont have to have more on his already overloaded plate!! its the perfect plan except they drift apart and now their closeness feels so surface-level and papyrus feels guilty about lying and he knows his brother is still worried, perhaps moreso now that he knows less and he's so scared theyll drift further apart but he's committed fully to this so he just keeps digging the hole and he doesnt know how to stop. (theyre still close, but less so than the classic bros, id say)

ok enough abt those two alphyne time.

these two are actually. less developed. and theres one specific part ill talk abt a bit later that im rlly not sure what to do with. but anyway. they, too, had their original roles at first. undyne, the rambunctious, hotheaded kid who kept getting into fights and couldnt sit still long enough to read one paragraph, and alphys, the nerdy kid who practically lived at the dump, collecting comics and anime… and yeah they somehow ended up the royal scientist and head of the royal guard, respectively.

i havent fully thought through why undyne would end up the scientist, but itd probably have something to do with injury. she keeps her eye injury in my swap. but as evidenced by base ut, a simple missing eye cant stop undyne! so she probably had a more. extensive injury, likely coupled with other factors. im not fully sure what happens, but what i am sure of is i want her to have a similar focus on robotics as alphys. she decides that if she cant fulfill the hopes and dreams of monsterkind on the frontlines, she'll become a different kind of hero. i think she mostly makes prosthetics, likely coupling them with weaponry bc thats just cool. she finds the best ways to combine mobility and magic efficiency and is widely respected by monsters for what she does (also, if youre wondering why monsters would need prosthetics when they have op healing and are made of magic, it comes from my personal theory that the longer a wound is left unhealed, the harder it is to heal it perfectly. so like, for example, it's possible to use magic healing to do things like reattach limbs. it will work as long as the recipient of the healing isnt dead. however, this reattachment needs to happen quick. depending on how long you wait, you could lose significant mobility in the limb, or just not be able to attach it at all. also, theres monsters like monster kid who dont have certain limbs. so i guess where some monsters get prosthetics to replace lost body parts, others get them to have entirely new body parts. anyway.)

meanwhile, alphys becomes a guard through a series of events. i think she signs up to be a sentry in hotland or something at first, because positions were open and they didnt exactly have many requirements, and she needed money. she ended up being like- exceptional. she's detail oriented and driven and is good at problem-solving, and her reviews were always stellar, so at some point i think she was approached about a promotion. which i think she took because, again, money. i think the guard has good benefits and pay.

to explain how she becomes the head of the guard, i want to take a moment to talk abt the guard in my swap. because toriel is the queen and is not thrilled at the prospect of killing humans, i think the guard isnt a thing at all until a couple humans in. i think several were less than friendly, killing several monsters. at first, when people brought this up, i think toriel would defend the humans by saying that they were just scared or acting in self-defense etc. but 1) i doubt monsters particularly liked their ruler defending people who killed their loved ones and 2) the human that got the guard established was. probably pretty bad. dont ask me which soul this was, i wont tell you bc i dont know. but they killed a sizeable number of monsters, to the point where not even toriel could defend them. they were probably the only human she killed (ill get to that later). after their death, the guard was established. still not really to kill humans as much as to ensure they got to the queen quickly and safely, as well as to protect monsters in case a particularly violent human fell down.

anyway yeah with this context, alphys was more fitting to be the head of the royal guard than undyne, id say. she's less violent and more mindful than undyne. i think toriel herself talked to her about becoming head of the guard. she said no at first, i think. she still had her ambitions of being a scientist, she was just doing this whole guard thing for the money. i think what pushed her to accepting was undyne getting the position of royal scientist.

this is another part im. not fully sure of. theres something that gets toriel's attention in regard to undyne, but i really dont know what. maybe just her reputation as someone who's making monster lives better day by day. toriel wants to give someone like that more resources and more voice as hope dwindles in the underground (i think its a bot of a more bleak situation in underswap like theyre just. sad. for reason and not. because where in base ut the underground is full of hope because they only need one human soul before theyre freed, interspersed with quiet dread because they dont know when they'll get that final soul, i think its more of the latter in my swap. theres more reason to this but ill touch on that in a bit).

anyway yeah undyne becomes the royal scientist and alphys is like welp. and accepts the position of head of the royal guard on the condition that she is trained to fight (as a member of the guard already, she had some training, but being the head is like. a whole other ballpark, yknow?) and yeah she as a character is. still pretty unsure of herself. she's a bit more confident than classic alphys because of her position and her training, but she's still got a lotta self-loathing and self-esteem issues. she still has her stutter, but she's managed to work through it enough to give speeches and shit without stuttering. catch her off-guard tho and she'll stutter and generally be kinda awkward (her stutter is like one of my fav things abt her as someone who also has a stutter i will never get rid of it ever).

she's very unsure of herself as a leader and constantly wonders if shes worthy of this position. she thinks she got it by pure luck when someone better suited couldve gotten it instead. i think she felt very resentful at the beginning, too. abt someone else getting the job of royal scientist before her. and its interspersed with the self loathing like "of course someone else got it before you, what did you ever do to work towards it? god, why did you accept this job? you shouldve just done fast food or something. or just stuck to science as best you couldve. god, no wonder someone got it before you. youre not worthy of it." i think she held a sort of resentment toward undyne too at first, but after they met and she realized that undynes. kinda chill, actually, she felt incredibly guilty about it. its not like she did this on purpose, she doesnt deserve this hatred…

anyway yeah shes head of the royal guard and she hires sans and trains him and their training is half actual training and half just fucking around and watching anime/movies and whatever. and her training/fighting i think are more. formulaic than classic undyne's. she's more about plan and strategy than raw power. also her section would still be in hotland. mostly because i didnt want to put undyne in hotland bc she hates it. lmao.

anyway undyne!! i think she has some regrets about not being able to become the hero she'd dreamed of being, but she also has come to accept her new role. she's more or less satisfied being who she is. she's one of the few characters who doesnt really feel that pressure of "was i supposed to be something else?" in this au. because at the end of the day, her goal stays the same: help monsterkind and crush humanity!! and she can do that as a nerd, too. i think toriel isnt too thrilled abt her attitude toward humans, but theres not much she can do abt it. i think the underswap underground is generally like. slightly less hostile to humans than undertale? (because the queen doesnt want humans dead, but monsters remember the hurt theyve suffered at the hands of humans) but undyne grew up on stories of the war from gerson and stuff like that, so she feels pretty strongly abt who's right and who's wrong and what should be done about that. i do also think she knows asgore, but this is a part im not fully sure of because i dont fucking know what to do with asgore.

also alphyne are still canon of course they are. this isnt glitchtale. they probably also meet at the dump, as alphys is contemplating things and undyne is searching around for junk to work on. and they talk and share their theories about where that creepy void leads. and they start hanging out and alphys shows undyne anime (and inspires her to go crazier with her prosthetics and other robotics works) and they work on battle strategies as a way of flirting /hj. and theres one problem that they kinda share bc i dont know what to do with it. that being the amalgamates.

so its unclear if the amalgamates would even exist in this au actually, but if they do i have two routes i can go with them i think: 1) undyne is the one responsible for them, but she doesnt lie and hide about it (not that i think she could do that much bc toriel would be expecting reports and stuff). she tells everyone whats going on, letting them see their families and whatnot, but still working on them and trying to figure out how to. fix them. and as a result theres just. amalgamates shambling around the underground sometimes. and the last human runs into them sometimes and gets freaked out and it serves as this foreshadowing moment to who undyne is as a character and serves to paint her as someone absolutely terrifying (which isnt necessarily true but also not necessarily untrue). or 2) alphys is the one responsible.

deciding to do one final science thing because fuck it, shes got nothing to lose (she has everything to lose), she decides to try to make a monster's soul last after death. how would she do this in a position where she cant easily get access to the things she'd need? god fucking knows. the main thing about this route is that it adds even more guilt to alphys's plate, which is pretty fitting for her as a character. and also guilt hi hello another guilt mention. this seemed more thought out in my head moving on.

some minor details abt this swap also are that mtt and mew mew are swapped, and mew mew is a popular streamer (and livestreams herself kicking your ass); bp and catty and bratty are swapped just bc i think its funny; grillby and muffet are in a weird territory of swap. i think theyre swapped but still in the same places as base game (bc grillby likes the cold and muffet will literally die dont do this to her), and maybe grillby gets the miniboss instead of muffet (she just forces you to give her money lolol).

and now the final thing: the dreemurrs. listen. i do not know what the fuck to do with these guys. they kinda fuck with the whole story if swapped in ways that are. not good at all. im including chara and frisk in "the dreemurrs" btw for reasons.

because like- we know what toriel would do if she was queen. she tells us. she would get one soul, cross the barrier, get six more, and then free the underground. and if she did that, there would be no story to tell. so. and asgore couldnt just lock himself in the ruins or smthn like toriel does in base ut, because toriel would break that fucking door down trying to get to him because she knows the humans come from the ruins, and she does not trust asgore in the slightest. and i dont even want to touch on the implications of asriel being alive in underswap. so i do not know what to do with him period. chara and frisk seem like a simple swap, but. theyre still distinct characters, whose personalities and actions do have an effect on the plot of undertale. and swapping them has repercussions. mostly in shit like philosophy which im notoriously bad at. so for now im just not thinking abt them.

ok back to toriel and asgore. i have like. an inkling of an idea as to what to do with them. that idea being that asgore, angry after the deaths of his children, wants to wage war, but toriel gets wind of the idea before he's able to make an official declaration, and grows absolutely disgusted with him. she banishes him and assumes the position of single ruler of the underground. i honestly dont know what to do with asgore past this point, but i do know that at least in the beginning, he is under strict supervision (likely by gerson bc gerson).

so what does toriel do as queen? she waits for a human to fall. she welcomes them as she did the first one. she does not take their soul. she cares for them and gives them the best life she can. as they grow older, she talks to them about using their soul to cross the barrier after they die. and they agree. the first (second) human dies of old age after a good, peaceful life in the underground. toriel absorbs their soul, crosses the barrier… and is nearly killed by the humans, still fearful and angry because it hasn't been that long since the last time they saw a monster. she goes back, deciding to instead wait a little longer. in that time, another human falls, then another… but after the first soul, i think most dont die of old age. several die by accident, several are killed in self defense. as mentioned above, at some point the guard is established due to the violence of one of the humans. toriel doesnt absorb these souls, instead keeping them safe in containment.

we know that when a human's soul is absorbed, they still persist (as evidenced by 1) asriel telling us that chara told him to do things and had control over their body when he absorbed their soul and 2) the photoshop flowey fight), i think toriel kind of feared losing herself and/or hurting the humans somehow by absorbing their souls. and with some of the more violent humans, i think the fears of losing herself grew stronger. so yeah she chooses to wait until the humans no longer fear/want to kill monsters or whatever.

and this has influence on the underground of course because imagine your ruler acquires the necessary means to cross the seal trapping you underground and you think that finally, finally youre free!! and then she comes right back like "yeah uh actually they still want us dead so lets wait a bit longer…"

how crushing is that? knowing that not only was your freedom a lie, you now know for sure that the humans outside want you dead? that chances are that even if you do manage to leave the underground, youll either be killed or forced right back under? this i think is a major reason the underswap underground is lacking in hope compared to the undertale underground. but yeah i. dont know if ill end up going with this, actually. because, again, i do not know what the fuck to do with the dreemurrs and i hate it.

another thing im not sure of is the whole "sans's promise to toriel" thing?? bc i kinda still wanna have that in some form, yknow? and i think it works if he's a guard and shes the queen. he visits her at some point to do a report or smthn (maybe bc alphys is busy who knows) and he notices shes looking kinda gloomy. so he gives her his best knock knock joke and she absolutely loves it. so he keeps going and then she gives him a couple of her own and yeah you get it. i just like sans and toriel they are the besties ever.

anyway yeah i think?? thats it?? for now, anyway. i probably forgot to mention smthn but who cares this is like. wayyyy too fucking long already anyways. thank you for letting me yap, i will continue to do so… forever.

[crispy0nion]

Hi just watched the new trailer and you said that your open to insane ramblings of madwomen so;

AOHJNWSIUDJFNHIABSDIUSDFNHISEBAFDOMG???? OMG OMG OMG????

I'm so not normal about this. I just got these blorbos why is Bungie pulling them apart in front of me. I am hoping and praying that Ikora survives but shit's not looking too good right now. Also hoping that Zavala doesn't go insane but like I care less about him.

Also desperately clinging to my pile of side characters and hoping Bungie doesn't direct their wrath upon any of them either.

I FEEL YOU!!!!! I FEEL YOU SO MUCH OH MY GOD.

I honestly think Ikora will ultimately be fine. Exactly 0.7 seconds after getting shot by that Hydra she was about to explode the universe with a Nova Bomb so i choose to believe she's completely fine (considering also we can clearly see Ophiuchus healing her).

I am absolutely worried about Zavala though. I understand that to newer players he might be pretty irrelevant but i promise you that this is SUCH a big deal. Maybe i'm speaking nonsense but to me, the Witness having Zavala as it's main target makes zero sense. They said in the vidoc they wanted the godslayer, and that'd be us; and even if they went for some other Guardian, there's probably better choices than Zavala. Ikora is freakishly strong, if i had to pick i'd probably want her as a Disciple. The only thing that i can think of is that Zavala seems to be the easiest one to emotionally manipulate: he's been vulnerable since Amanda died, and apparently Season of the Haunted was not enough for him to get over Safiyah and Hakim (his wife and son). Crazy to me how all that effort seems to have been wasted.

As for the side characters, i believe there won't be too many major deaths. The characters i personally think are in danger are definitely Zavala, and i also feel like when we reach the end of the campaign, Cayde will "fade", since he's most likely the product of a wish. I do hope we get him as a destination vendor, but i wouldn't count on it. I also feel something might happen to Crow and Mara, but also Elsie. I know she never shows up but she's the one who kickstarted all this, she has to have a role in the final showdown.

Tl;dr: im not normal about this either. if my blorbos die i die

[mr-aftons-rotting-pussy]

Finally watched the Afton getting springlocked scene clip that's on YouTube and I feel like blowing up a building

Why is he so hot when he DIES!!!!! Why is old man suffering SEXY!!!!! I heard him say "I always come back" and felt like I was going to explode!!!! Raugh!!!!!!

OMGGGFG ERM....... YEA..... HEY H HEY.... HAIII...... UMMM ...........😁 <-guy who is normal

im literally so . SO FUCKING INSNAE BAOUT THE . THE WHOLE SCENW LIKE WHYYY WHY IS IT LIKE THAT EHY DID THYE DO THIS. TO ME HWY DO THEY WANT ME TO DIE PERSONALLY. OMGGGG WHEN HE...... WHEN HE ENTERED....... LIKE IDKKKK IDK IT GOT ME SO BAD WHEN I WATCHED THE MOVIE FOR THE FIRST TIME OIKE. ACTUAL CHILLSSSS MAN I WASNT FUCKING EXPECTING SPRINGBONNIE I RWALLY WASNT ...... AND SHES...... OMGGGG SHE LOOKS TO FUCKING TALLLL AND GOR HWATTT FOR WHATTT ?????? 😨 THEY DIDNT NEED TO MAKE HER SO BIG AND SCARY ?!?!?!!??!?!? 😨

GOD THE. THE COSTUMES AND EVERYTHING R SO GUCKING GOOD

..... LITERALLY. sobs ansd cries if it was all cgi i wouldve killed myslef. Not Joking.

but the

..... oughhhhhhh...... the fucking buildinggg..... reapondi......tue building responding and creaking and breaking and blowing up in response to aftons agony..... like hes . his EVIL is too much o contain....... im gonnaaaa im gonnaaaa !!!!!!!!!!!!¡!!!!!!!!!! LIESKKKKK 😨😨😨😨

that split second of. the blood seeping thru the fabric when the first springlock goes off......... the. the way it......pushes itself deeper omgg omgggg like. Like its so horrific it really is like im still boggled out of my boogles that we Saw That like its REAL. il weve had twn million fanworks interpreting n protraying r whatever yhis fr luke Actual Years but like....... the way.....the way the movie doessa ittttttt 😨.... stoppp stop ittt.... st.op

hos FUCKING !!!!!!!!! INSULTING THEMMMM STOPPP STOPPP ITTTTTTTT 😭😭😭😭😭😭 OMGGG WHO LET THIS MAN. STOPPOOPPP !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHEN THE LIGHTS..... WHEN THE SPOTLIGHTS HIT HIM....... 😟 like the..... omgggg like he LAREADY UNMASKED HIMSELF CAUSE. OMGGGG...... LIKE HE ALREADY DID BU T THEY DID IT AGAIN N!!!! LITERALLY LIKE . THE MOMENT THEY STEAL THEPOWER FROM GIM. AND AS SOON AS HES LOST, AS THE SPRINGLOCKS DIG DEEPER, ALL THAT MACHINERY, HIS PRIDE AND JOY, THE SYMBOL OF HIS POWER TURNED ON HIM............. AND HE PUTS THE MASK BACK ON. HE PUTS THE MASK BACK ON. HE PUTS THE MASK BACK ON. HE PUTS THE MASK BACK ON. HE PUTS THE MASK BACK ON. HE PUTS THE MASK BACK ON.

HA..... HAH........ AHHHHHHHHAHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHAHAHHAHHHHHHHHHAHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH !!!!!!!!? IM. WHERWAM IIIIO ITS S DARK IN HEREEE I. EYE😨 AHHHHHHHHHH !!!!;!!;!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[wrens-versus-the-world]

A Demon's Promise (Demon!Fyodor x reader)

Crossposted on wattpad under @dontjudgemepels

Hellow BSD Fandom!!! 

I'm finally doing something for one of my favorite animes! 

demon fyodor x reader

It was a normal night, it always was. I got home from my part time job, bathed, ate dinner and worked on my homework for the remainder of the evening.

I guess i should have gotten the hint that something was up when my alarm clock was frozen, or when the lightbulb in my bathroom suddenly exploded, but no, I decided to ignore it. Big mistake.

after the light exploded i made my way to bed, a bit shaken from the fiasco in the bathroom I decided to read some.

and by some i meant three hours... because I couldn't seem to fall asleep.

I get ahead of myself.

after some time had passed I decided that i should just lay down. I set my book down on my bedside table and leaned over to turn the light off. That was my second mistake, because when I leaned back into my bed I was met with a pair of violet eyes, that seemed to be almost glowing from the moonlight.

'okay... this is... new' i thought to myself, 'maybe this is what people mean by a sleep paralysis demon?' i pause, the eyes blinked.

"maybe i'm hallucinating?"i wonder aloud

in response i am met with a deep chuckle, causing me to jolt slightly in surprise, inwardly cursing

'how could i show a reaction? now whatever, who rather, knows i am aware of their presence'

the eyes shut and i feel a dip in the bed

'okay, maybe this is a sleep paralysis demon... no wait i can move'

i turn my eyes to where the movement came from and became very aware of a tall man with semi-long hair sitting on the edge of my bed (not facing me, thankfully).

i pondered on what i should do for what felt like an eternity, before i was (rudely) interrupted by the man shifting. In my sudden surprise i attempted to slowly sit up and try to shift away from him.

it all happened to quickly, one moment i was trying to quietly move myself to the other side of the bed, adjacent from the male who had made himself so comfortable on the edge of my bed. and the next i was suddenly pushed down into the mattress of my bed, immobile.

"you're interesting" he says, looking down to me, allowing his deep voice to fill the room (a/n im sorry he has a hot voice in the english dub (*≧∀≦*)), "perhaps i should strike a deal with you", he says allowing one of his hands to find its way to my face.

a small gasp leaves my lips at his proposal, 'who is this guy!?... no wait, better question: how did he get in my room?'

"is my cute little mouse not going to answer me?" he asked, mock confusion lacing his tone, causing heat to rise to my cheeks, "I can promise you that the proposal i speak of will benefit you greatly."

curiosity getting the better of me i asked, "what do you mean?"

a smirk found its way to his lips

'this bastard is enjoying himself!?'

"you are going to die," he spoke, the smirk leaving his face momentarily, now replaced with a more serious expression.

"... excuse me..?"

"I am a demon, we can tell when someone is not long for this world." he paused, watching my features morph into confusion, " however, we demons, also have the power to prevent such things. hence why i brought up my proposal."

'this guy has to be nuts' i quietly thought to myself, pausing, 'well he did somehow appear here, and there have been some weird things happening tonight... so maybe he is a demon.'

My eyes wondered back to the 'demon' in question, "this seems like too great a bargain, don't you think? What exactly will you get in return for my not dying?" i asked, inwardly wondering where my sudden confidence came from.

" and in return? hah, you're quite smart to think to ask. In return I will have you." He answered, a smile appearing upon his lips.

"-me?" I managed to get out, shock painting my features.

"yes, you dear. In return for helping you to live, I want you.

I want you in all ways possible. I want you to love me and only me, And someday I want you to be my wife." He said he leaned into my neck and tightened his grip around me, not too tight, it was actually rather comfortable to be in his arms-, wait‽ what am i thinking‽ This guy is something inhuman, I cannot simply say yes because he gives good hugs.

Sending my discomfort he lifted his head from my neck and stared into my eyes, trying to find the source of it. "if you are worried about what will become of your freedom, don't be. I may be a demon, but I do make sure to give fair deals. In return for helping you to survive, and changing your fate. I want you. and in this deal you will still have your freedom to pursue your hopes and dreams, however you must adapt them because shall you take this deal, I will be in them as well." He finished.

'as much as I don't know the guy, he makes a good point if i don't take this deal I'm dead, and if i do then i have freedom and... a demon' i thought to myself before returning my gaze to the man above me.

"fine, I accept your conditions, only under the circumstances that you will refrain from interfering in my decisions." I said, hoping that I sounded confident.

The man above me looked rather amused, "You're cute." he said, the sudden compliment causing heat to rush to my face, "but you must understand that if you accept my deal that you are allowing me some interference into your life." he continued, his voice turning darker and more threatening as he went on, "if you accept a deal with a demon like me I'll be sure to make it worth your while, I'll be one hell of a husband." he finished, a dangerous glint dancing in his eyes as he did so.

(a/n: !! if you get the reference, your hand in marriage, rn!)

a gasp left my lips at his seriousness, "ok, fine. I accept your conditions, where do I sign?" I asked, assuming that he would have a contract.

"oh there won't be a need for any signatures of such a nature, I'll be using a rather different method." he said, looking down at me, his eyes flickering from my eyes to my neck.

"huh?" I breathed out.

"Not all demons use signatures to signify agreements. Especially one of such importance, instead of using a signature I will be leaving my mark on you." He said pausing, taking a chance to gauge my reaction, "I will be leaving it here." he said darkly while pressing two of his fingers against where my shoulders met my neck.

I stayed silent, waiting for him to make his move, almost every part of me was telling me to run from the man above me, but as always I ignored it and opted to stay still as a statue when he leaned down, peppering my neck in kisses, stopping only when he reached where he said he would place the mark and bit down, hard.

A groan of pain left my lips. I wanted to push him off of me, pain coursed through me, my neck felt like it was on fire.

"a little more lyubov moya." he breathed out, hugging me close to his body as I thrashed around in pain, a small part of me grateful that i didn't have a roommate yet, who knows what they would have thought if they heard this.

after what seemed like an eternity the pain finally became bearable. I attempted to remove myself from the demon's arms only for him to tighten his grip.

"you ought naught forget who you belong to so soon, lyubov moya." he said, adamant about not letting me go for the time being.

I sighed into his arms, 'i'm too tired for this' I thought to myself as a wave of drowsiness washed over me.

"sleep well, lyubov moya." was the last thing i heard before everything turned quiet and i entered a dreamless slumber.

a/n: They always call fyodor a demon, so i just thought i'd make it a reality! I have been wanting to write about this for so long!

(also I figured now was the best time because... of events that happen in the anime)

On another note, school is kicking my ass, one of my teachers is a major bitch, and it makes it really hard to want to actually try in her class. 

*lyubov' moya- my love in russian