#feel free to take them (take both of them. they cannot be separated otherwise they will be sad)

[lmadsadness]

oughhhh weird fuckedup guppies

[sthilarions]

Proposal: Edwin stuck as the center point in a long-term time loop.

Every time Charles says he loves him back, or kisses him, or otherwise makes romantic intentions unavoidably clear, it knocks him into the past. Not to what Edwin thinks should be the inciting moment, on the steps of Hell (at least then it would be useful, he could save Niko). But to a seemingly random moment, in the office, just him and Charles, as the snow falls against their window.

Sometimes it takes months; once a loop lasts only moments, as Charles looks down at him from where he’s sitting on the desk, and kisses him in front of the snowfall. Edwin has learned how to stretch the loops, by delaying Charles’s realization or confession.

He tried running away twice, but only twice, as it turned out that separation and anxiety were a good way to jumpstart Charles’s realization, and also Charles is quite good at hunting him down. But there are other ways. He has tried withdrawing and pressing Charles closer to Crystal; tried becoming more and more snappish; tried acting utterly oblivious; tried telling Charles that he’s gotten over his own feelings and moved on; tried getting involved with the Cat King; tried simply cutting Charles off every time he looked like he was about to speak on the matter; once he started to get truly desperate, he tried both necromancy (returning Charles to life, where surely, Edwin thought, Charles would forget about him) and an anti-love spell (Charles broke through it in a matter of hours, despite the spell being supposedly guaranteed).

No matter what he does, Charles loves him anyway. And Edwin is knocked back to the office, Charles leaning down towards him, snow falling against the window, and the two of them looking forward at - at what? At who?

There is something stopping him from acting directly against the loop. He tries to tell Charles, then tries to tell Crystal, then tries to tell Constantine then Zatanna then Ethel the dodgy potioneer; even once tries to tell Dennis the warlock while he has them captured and is giving a truly embarassing evil monologue. He can’t ever get the words out. He tries to look into books, and most of the time he forgets what he’s doing before he can get to the book; when he is able, the words dance in front of his eyes, turn to false Latin, lorem ipsum dolor sit amet. He’s barely even able to think about it; over time he starts to learn when he can and cannot, when the Eyes are on him and when his thoughts are free.

He’s centuries older, now. And he’s starting to be able to stretch the loop out to a year, if he tries, if he’s lucky. And he’s getting better and better at telling when the Eyes are watching, and how to act so that they don’t look back at him. And he’s starting to wonder if it’s time to try talking to an Endless…

[annalacerda17]

I've been thinking about the fandom's attitude toward trauma, and I find it deeply problematic. I'm going to ramble a bit about it.

Here's the thing, either people completely dismiss the element of trauma in the story, or they turn it into a free-pass that can excuse any future shitty behavior from the character.

Specifically, when it comes to Wei Wuxian, I see that his childhood trauma from losing his parents and being left to beg on the streets, and from being made a scapegoat by Yu Ziyuan - who was extremely abusive towards him, both physically and emotionally - to the war, the trauma of being thrown into the burial mounds, and everything that happened from the moment he created the ghost path of cultivation until the first siege of the burial mounds and his death, can all be minimized or all together dismissed by certain parts of the fandom when analyzing his actions in the first life. That's part of why I hate takes that portray Wei Wuxian as oblivious to Lan Wangji's feelings or too emotionally unintelligent to understand the romance, when, actually, there was a ton of shit going on in his life and he absolutely had no energy left to think about romance, of all things. The trauma also becomes progressively more relevant when we look at Wei Wuxian's actions towards the end of his first life - because traumatic experiences kept piling up - and when we get to the battle of Nightless City and later the first siege of the Burial Mounds, it's basically impossible to separate Wei Wuxian's actions and reactions from the trauma he'd endured up until that point.

On the other hand, the certain parts of the fandom really emphasize Jiang Cheng's trauma way beyond the point where it would be relevant to do so.

Yes, Jiang Cheng had an awful childhood because his mother was abusive towards everyone around her. And I can excuse his poor temper when he was a child based on that.

And it's true that losing his parents and sect was traumatic. However, the problem is that in Jiang Cheng's case, his trauma has frequently been used to justify and, in fact, to excuse, all the atrocities he went on to commit in his adult life.

Wei Wuxian, despite his trauma, never became the abuser. In every instance where he used violence, it was either during the war, or he was provoked first. He never took the initiative to be violent or to hurt others otherwise.

Jiang Cheng was completely different. He lashed out because of jealousy and a desire to satisfy his own ego, he betrayed Wei Wuxian and the Wen Siblings, knowing that he owed them his life. And yet, his stans will insist that his past trauma is enough to excuse this behavior. I'm not going to go into how Jiang Cheng's actions were entirely voluntary in this post. Suffice to say that the book makes it quite clear that he turned against Wei Wuxian not because Wei Wuxian's prominence hurt his ego, and the other sect leaders exploited that. But the Jiang sect wouldn't have been in danger had Jiang Cheng chosen not to turn against Wei Wuxian.

I suppose my point is that at some point, trauma can no longer excuse bad behavior. And in this case, when a sane adult chooses to commit genocide, that choice cannot be excused by anything, not even by a traumatic past. When his stans say that he was a victim, they forget about his victims. Sometimes, a victim goes on to become the perpetrator.

In the novel, several characters have extremely traumatic pasts. Wei Wuxian, Jiang Cheng, Jin Guangyao. Most characters, really.

MXTX draws very clear parallels between Wei Wuxian and several of those characters. Wei Wuxian and Jin Guangyao both have a lower background in a world that bases a person's value on their birth. Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian both lived with Yu Ziyuan for several years, they both watched Lotus Pier fall, they both lost Jiang Yanli. Wei Wuxian and Xue Yang both came from a lower social background, they were both street kids at one point, they were both victims of societal injustice.

And yet, Wei Wuxian chose to break the cycle of abuse. No matter how much abuse he endured, how traumatic his past, he didn't go on to become the next monster, the next abuser. On the contrary, he actively chose to be kind and just and nurturing. He was only ever violent when he was forced to be so - when he had to defend himself or others. Even in Nightless City, after he'd just lost Wen Ning and Wen Qing, he wasn't the first to attack.

On the other hand, Jiang Cheng, Jin Guangyao, Xue Yang, and many others chose to continue the cycle of violence and abuse. And at some point, the trauma in their pasts can no longer excuse their later choices. Those three characters, for instance - I know there are others but I'm not going to list every single MDZS character with a traumatic past who went on to become shitty people themselves, otherwise I'd be here all day - ruined many lives themselves, often those of people who were completely unrelated to their own traumatic pasts.

And if their actions are excused because of trauma, then what about their victims? What about the Wen remnants, who were old, disabled people, and a toddler, all innocent of Wen Rouhan's crimes? What about the people Jiang Cheng captured and murdered under the suspicion of the being demonic cultivators, on the off chance of them being Wei Wuxian? And the book doesn't even confirm that those people were actually demonic cultivators, they were taken because they were suspected of being such. And nowhere in the book does it say that any of those people did anything wrong at all. And what about Qin Su and her child? What about the entire clan Jin Guangyao framed for murdering his son and exterminated under such an excuse? What about the people of Yi city? What about Xiao Xingchen, Song Lan and a-Qing? What about the nameless, innocent victims who didn't get justice?

A traumatic past can never excuse the trail of victims they left behind.

[nerdishpursuits]

If we’re to talk about personal preference? What I were to take issue with the most, concerning this nonsensical baby plot line, were it to really happen? (which I still think it won’t, and for good reason - this is a hurdle to overcome and not the final destination)

The mere whisper of the message that a woman, or a couple, cannot be complete or happy without a child. That the love one feels for a child supersedes any love. That a mother’s love is superior to any other love, a woman’s most sacred duty and that any other love is inferior, ergo the love Marta and Fina have for each other is not enough, they’re not enough as a couple and only a child would complete them, bringing them closer to their real duty as women: that of bearing and raising children (the very idea of love being hierarchised is faulty … especially when it comes to a lesbian relationship that’s already facing so many obstacles, often considered inferior and dirty by society at large). So, no. Not every woman wants to be a mother. No, not having children doesn’t make you any less of a woman, any less of a family. Nor does it make you incomplete. Yes, women are allowed to be career and couple oriented and they’re allowed to have no desire whatsoever to raise children. Being a woman doesn’t equal children. A couple is a family if said couple says so. Children are also a huge hindrance to personal goals and, for better or worse, alter one’s life to such degrees it will never be the same. Ever. So why not go there in this story, especially with two women who have been shown to fight for independence their entire lives, women who have broken molds and have wanted the freedom to choose their own path, sans male influence.

And the way one might take issue with the way they are presenting this? It isn’t a conversation that was born of a mutual desire to be mothers, something just between the two of them. The only reason it’s on the table to begin with? A man’s obsession with controlling them so he can safeguard himself. Them falling for his ploy isn’t freeing or empowering. It’s their utter defeat at his hands. And I’m inclined to believe this where the story is going: Marta finally learning to draw clear boundaries, Fina empowered in her own right and Pelayo, hopefully, becoming someone decent and self-accepting at some point. Until then, the baby talk needs to be shelved until it’s something that both Marta and Fina decide on, without any kind of outside influence.

(Also worth acknowledging: the topic of maternity is something deeply personal in every woman’s life and it comes in all shapes and sizes. The desire to have children vs. not having them? One doesn’t cancel out the other. Meaning the way they’re portraying this might appeal to some, making them swoon, while for others it might land as off-putting and nonsensical. I might frown at a turn of phrase while someone else might get emotional. Both takes, and any other in-between, are valid for they’re all rooted in the personal, biased and subjective. I may not be a partisan of baby plot lines but the characters, and maybe those who write them, might be enthusiasts. In the end my preference doesn’t negate theirs, nor do our ideas have to align, nor do my expectations have to be met. This is but a fraction of the greater picture being unveiled, another piece of the puzzle. Essentially, it’s revealing but not conclusive)

To circle back to my previous point. There might be some concern with painting women as, apparently, unable to see the larger picture, their intellect suddenly grinding to a halt? A baby only means one thing for Mafin: eternal servitude, separation and heartache. There’s no other way in 1959, as much as Pelayo tries to convince them otherwise (this spineless man dares broach this subject after saying Fina is an opportunist, constantly refusing to acknowledge her and using her as bait, time and again, because she’s Marta’s Achilles heel). This entire arc has no leg to stand on and keels over in a heartbeat. Not to mention that instead of actively looking for ways to gain more freedom, Mafin would continue to enslave themselves away on Pelayo’s political plantation.

Which is why I keep being of the mind this plot point, albeit poorly written and hamfisted, only serves to showcase a desire buried deep within, a yearning for that fabled normal life that is denied to them. Maybe even a glimpse into their future once free of these shackles and numerous constraints. And as such, the current storyline involving a child? It will ultimately be discarded.

For Mafin, a baby means losing any dream of freedom and losing it for good. Because utopian dream aside? This would bind and submit them to Pelayo’s every will and whim, forevermore. There would be no escape. Even if he died, there’d be no escape. They’d be chained by the very existence of a child. They’d also have no legal rights, as it would lawfully belong to Pelayo while the strain and labor of raising it would fall upon their shoulders. He even uses the words “my child”, “you’ll be able to see it grow”, “what’s good for me is good for you”: ergo, it all happens as he dictates it. He’d be pulling every string. Even Marta would have no legal claim there, given the man’s power of decision was absolute back in the day. As per the rulebook of a male dominated society? All the control in their hands, none of the responsibility.

Therefore, agreeing to this fiasco? Well, they might as well throw away the key to their jail-cell and kiss their lives goodbye. This entire thing makes no sense, no matter how you look at it. Mafin don’t have more freedom thanks to this marriage, they hardly see each other, the prospect of living together shines by its absence, Marta would be risking her life were she to be pregnant and Fina? Fina could never be a Digna-like figure for the child, given she’s not a relative of the de la Reina family, and would have even fewer rights than Marta herself: and by that I mean she’d have none. So what I’m hoping to see, eventually, is Marta and Fina raising some of these points with Pelayo and wiping the floor with him like the formidable, intellectual women that they are (though we’re likely to be left sitting, waiting for that to happen to a t).

Right now this poor excuse for a man is actively working to enslave them both, trying to sell his grand idea like the smarmy businessman that he is: here is a pile of dung, don’t you agree it smells of roses? … oh, and for your pleasure, it’s wrapped up in a bow too. Marta’s nose for business should know better, it should alert her to the dangers. Hell, at this point in the game? Kill Pelayo sirens sound be going off in every corner of her being. But Marta’s too overwhelmed and fighting too many battles at the same time. She’s exhausted, not as alert as usual. Not to mention her need for respite allows her to dream of a current impossible, making her vulnerable and an easy target for Pelayo.

He’s slowly erasing them from their own story by trying to claim it as his own, and he’s doing so by turning himself into the main character. All via textbook manipulation and gaslighting. Adding to that? He’s unforgivably taking advantage of the love they feel for each other by claiming to understand their bond. Issue is: he never has and never will. Even now? It was Damián who basically showed him what to target. And now he’s trying to exploit Marta’s devotion and love for Fina, her desire to share every facet of her life with the woman she loves, her desire to have Fina partake in everything.

The rancid way this man acts, solely pursuing his own selfish interests? It’s unthinkable and unreasonable. And as such, the narrative comes up short, regardless of the angle one examines it from. There’s no saving grace to this idea and it’s why I don’t think it will go too far. I’m still of the mind it’s used as a mere tool for drama, shock-value and a reason for a possible separation. To show how a profoundly oppressive system leads to misery, how it condemns people to lives they don’t want to live, shackled by institutions that repeatedly deny them and break them.

And while Marta and Fina were deceived into shackling themselves to this marriage? That’s what Pelayo represents. The patriarchy in all its despicable glory. Being a gay man doesn’t exempt him from that. In fact, his self-loathing and incapability to accept himself make him vile. And the show does a good job at portraying him as such. He’s the devil tempting them with what they desire the most: a normal life together. But ultimately, he never allows them to have it. The promised land is but a promise. It’s nothing but a mirage. A carrot he loves to dangle before their eyes. Pelayo’s only purpose as a character is to get in between, to divide and to separate.

I might eat my words, of course. We really don’t know what’s what and can only hope there’s a larger picture to be unveiled. One that ends up making sense because let’s face it: there’s no way the writers can satisfy everyone.

One thing is certain though. This “movida” will cause drama and pain and it will drive rifts between characters. That can always be counted on.

As for other certainties:

Marta loves children but has never been portrayed as desiring them with a single-minded passion. She would also never again suffer the touch of a man. However, were it possible some other way, she would love having a child with Fina, the love of her life, only if Fina desires it and only if it implies the two of them could be mothers together. That’s the be-all-end-all for her on this matter.

Fina also dreamed of being a mother but willed it all away because she knew it wasn’t possible due to her sexual orientation. More so, if there was an actual way to achieve it for the two of them, probably in an ideal world, she’d love to have a child with Marta.

“Immaculate” conception when?😌

What we don’t know:

Where they’re actually going with this entire thing. Based on the history of Mafin and what we’ve seen so far? I think the destination will be worthwhile.

[fayes-fics]

Refuge

Pairings: Anthony Bridgerton x fem!reader, Benedict Bridgerton x fem!reader (throuple)

Summary: Fluff fic. The boys tend to you when you are sick.

Warnings: none... this is just sick/comfort and fluff.

Word Count: 1.1k

Authors Note: Unbetaed. Anon request fill (see HERE) requesting a fluffy comfort fic with the Bridgerton brothers. This isn't set in the Lessons-verse, but is a similar set-up, where the reader is in an established throuple with A & B and lives with them at Aubrey Hall. Nonny, I hope this fits your wishes. Enjoy! <3

A bed is only a refuge when it's by choice.

That's the thought preoccupying your melancholic mind as you sit in bed, propped against a mass of pillows, staring out the window across the sun-drenched fields of Aubrey Hall. Wishing you could be outside, enjoying the sun's rays on your skin. Instead, you are stuck inside, boredom reaching new heights as you contemplate restarting a book for the third time. 

For the past two days, a stomach complaint has left you feeling weak and without an appetite, but also frustratingly unable to sleep, seemingly worse at night. Also, you never sleep well when separated from your loves—it is all a recipe for a maudlin mood. The doctor does not think it is contagious but recommended bed rest and a foul-tasting tincture you must drink twice daily. The Bridgerton boys are coming back from business in London today, and usually, that would signify a wondrous, sensual reunion, but your traitorous body has decided otherwise.

Just as you are sullenly picking up the book you completed that morning, there is a soft knock at your door.

“Come in,” you call, defeated, expecting it to be someone bringing you more disgusting medicine.

“Darling, we are home! My valet informs me you are sick. Why did you not send word to London? We could have cut short our business,” Anthony’s worried tone seems to inhabit his whole frame as he strides in and makes a beeline for you.

“Are you alright?” Benedict adds, appearing behind him, his face also a picture of concern, rounding the other side of the bed.

The wondrous sight of them tips you over the edge. A bloom of pleasure mixed with frustration that your reunion cannot be in the manner you would like. It breaks the dam of emotions you have been keeping at bay, all bubbling over into tears. 

“Oh my love, no, please do not cry!” Benedict implores and softly takes a seat on the edge of the bed, taking your hand.

Anthony hovers, worry etched into his face but seemingly unsure what to do. Benedict frowns at him and signals for him to sit on the bed, which he does after a pause, taking your other hand.

“I've missed you both so very much,” you snuffle between tears, your gaze pinging between them. “I am just so sorry to disappoint you - I am not in a fit state to celebrate as we usually would,” you offer quietly, feeling guilty and biting your lip.

“You could never disappoint us,” Anthony avows sincerely, squeezing your hand reassuringly.

“We have missed you too, my love,” Benedict strokes your cheek delicately with his free hand, swiping a tear that falls with his thumb. “But please, you are obviously sick; we only care about you getting better.”

“Yes,” Anthony nods brusquely, “what can we do to alleviate your suffering? Open a window? Or is the room too cold? Perhaps a fire? Do you need more pillows? Or less? Perhaps some more tea?”

A glow behind your ribs flares at their loving concern in their unique ways—Anthony trying to solve the problem, Benedict offering sympathy. It is just so them.

“I would perhaps enjoy new reading material,” you confess quietly. “I have read all the books here in this room at least twice over now,” you admit sheepishly.

“I will have the staff move my entire library up here this afternoon,” Anthony declares solemnly, a hand over his heart.

“No, no, please, just a few books will be more than fine,” you assure with a feeble giggle, more tears welling at his outsized gesture.

“I think what she most needs from us, brother, is us,” Benedict assesses, lowering himself to buss a kiss on your forehead—always the one to intuit your emotional needs more than you can yourself.

“Yes, please,” you whisper, almost ashamed of your yearning to just be held by them, your weakened state making you feel fragile and in need of strong arms holding you close.

Anthony instantly pulls at his boots and then swings himself around until he can lie next to you. “Of course, how did I not see that?” he chastises himself, his lips running a soothing line over your right temple.

Benedict also takes off his boots and does the same, and a feeling like warmed honey spreads behind your ribs as they each wrap an arm around your middle, snuggling into your neck and face. 

“Thank you so much,” you murmur, your tears drying with their comforting presence.

“No more tears now,” Anthony lectures, but with a gentle sweetness that is him willing you to feel contentment. “We are here to do everything in our power to ensure you are all better soon.”

“Indeed,” Benedict confirms.

“Could you possibly get under the covers with me?” your ask is timid.

“Oh, of course!” both exclaim and stand up just long enough to shuck their jackets and waistcoats, pull back the bedding and slide in next to you. The heat of their bodies is an instant balm, seeping through their shirts through the thin cotton of your nightgown.

“Darling, your body is cold!” Anthony exclaims anxiously as his hand slides over your belly.

“I have not been able to keep food down, so I am always cold,” you admit. “All I can handle is weak, cooled tea.”

“My poor love,” Benedict sighs into your hairline. He runs gentle kisses over your cheek. “Then we will just have to stay here and keep you warm now, won't we?” 

“That would be truly wonderful,” you sigh, closing your eyes, feeling a bone-deep relief to be back in their joint, loving embrace. Something feels missing when they must both be gone. One is bearable; both being gone makes you ache for them. “Thank you, my loves,” you murmur as you feel the pull of sleep finally taking you.

The boys share a knowing silent glance - all other things they may have to attend to can wait; paramount is you and your recovery - before settling into the pillows next to you. Their legs entwining with yours, their arms holding you, their solid bodies bracketing yours. 

You sleep peacefully for the first time in days and awaken around dawn to beautiful birdsong, surrounded by Anthony and Benedict, their breath skittering over your skin in repose. During the night, your hands have ended up laced together. You feel warm for the first time this week, and your stomach rumbles, the urge to eat raring for the first time in days. It feels like you have turned a corner, although your desire to leave the bed is close to zero, snuggling down into them both - your wonderful boys.

A bed is only a refuge when it's by choice indeed.

Both Anthony & Benedict taglist: @makaylan @foreverlonginguniverse @iboopedyournose @colettebronte @aintnuthinbutahounddog @margofiore @writergirl-2001 @heeyyyou @enichole445 @enchantedbytomandhenry @ambitionspassionscoffee @chaoticcalzoneranchsports @crowleysqueenofhell @fiction-is-life @lilacbeesworld @eleanor-bradstreet @divaanya @musicismyoxygen84 @benedictspaintbrush @sorryallonsy @cayt0123 @hottytoddyhistory @fictionalmenloversblog @malpalgalz @panhoeofmanyfandoms @delehosies @m-rae23 @kmc1989 @desert-fern @corpseoftrees-queen @magical-spit @bunnyweasley23 @sya-skies

[cinnabutcringy]

vertin and her relationships with others

hoo boy this one is gonna be a long one; i've barely really interacted with the fandom so admittedly if people have been talking about this, i might not really know! feel free to engage with this conversation however you'd like. this will also not be very structured, i am a pure yapper, a pure rambler at heart.

[ spoilers for the main story but specifically the first 4 chapters, i know i'll probably mention at least ONE major spoiler; also just as a cursory warning i will be talking about vertin-related ships in this one if that for some reason puts you off ]

so this has been in my mind for quite a while; again, as i don't engage a lot in fandom content (i am extremely nervous about joining discords despite wanting to and general fandom experiences make me wary but anyway) i'm sure there are people who have talked about this or think about it and i'm just not around to see it

before i TRULY begin, i just want to state: THIS IS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HATE TOWARDS VERTIN SHIPS, PARTICULARLY THE WLW ONES.

i understand how important this game's sapphics are to people and i'm not trying to say you cannot ship sonetto with vertin or schneider with vertin, but i think that fandom culture as a whole is incredibly ship-reliant/ship-focused and in my opinion that tends to take away from the nuance of certain media/characters, and i just want to see if other people also share my thoughts but haven't voiced them or whatever.

anyway, to start this post out: i do not think vertin is capable of forming truly deep bonds and relationships with people. romantic or otherwise. at least, not right now.

while vertin isn't entirely separated from her friends and allies, i think it's pretty evident that on some level, she puts up walls between herself and other people. vertin as a character is extremely composed, reliable and overall a trustworthy leader. and she's not entirely aloof, she has her quirks and interactions to show for it

but the fact remains that i think vertin, ever since witnessing the "storm" at such a young age, has put up walls between her and others just enough to where she can assume her responsibilities without letting her relationships stop her outright.

what i mean is basically, vertin allows herself to get close to people to an extent, but there's always a bit of distance between her and especially the people she's known for years. she never read as someone who gets particularly chummy with other people and i assume it's both because she feels obligated to carry out her duty, and because ever since the first "storm" she witnessed, she's felt it incapable to get too close to people because she felt it was her fault.

the close bonds she had with those at a young age made it all the more painful when she witnesses what the "storm" is truly capable of. i think it's reasonable to say that because of this, she's hesitant to truly let herself express this closeness to other people.

this post was originally going to be focused on vertin and schneider's dynamic, because to me it's the one that is both the least developed and just makes the least sense, but honestly? ironically that'd also be focusing too much on the ship in my opinion. plus, it's not just schneider, it's sonetto. it's mesmer. it's matilda. it's practically everyone she's met in her life.

schneider is just the easiest example to me because (and, this could just be because of the pacing of the early chapters, who knows) vertin never truly had an opportunity to get to know her. vertin knows her backstory, vertin knows her personality, and vertin ultimately knows that schneider will not be forgotten. but that doesn't mean vertin is in love with schneider.

on the contrary, i think she has empathy and care for her, but i think schneider is more infatuated with vertin and the genuine kindness she was shown. vertin on the other hand treated schneider like she treats everyone else: with kindness, compassion, and understanding.

the kiss scene i think kind of gave people a preconceived notion about vertin or at least, people used her reaction as fuel without considering anything else. (personally if schneider kissed ME like that i think i'd be just as shocked but COUGHS thats just me)

another example with a character basically outright stated to be in love with vertin is sonetto; i think that vertin has or at least had feelings for sonetto too, but she drowns them out because of the reasons stated before. with sonetto i actually think there's even more layers to how she feels seeing as she knew sonetto since they were kids, and sonetto got to see vertin change in real time in response to the experience she had. though analyzing specific ship dynamics in this post too much will take away from the vertin analysis so i'll probably leave that for another discussion.

i think vertin's sense of responsibility and duty ultimately mixes a lot with her trauma and makes it harder for her to prioritize herself and whatever feelings she may have for people; she can't risk getting too close, because if she does, she may lose the ability to do her job and i think being the timekeeper is something that matters deeply to her.

in conclusion, i think vertin is a very complex character. i mean, duh. this post wouldn't exist if i didn't think that. she's been deeply wounded and is trying to avoid that wound being constantly reopened because of her own habits (getting close to her allies, letting her guard down too much) and i think as a result she ends up putting up walls when she feels she's probably getting too close to someone.

obviously this is the sort of post i'd want discussion to form around, so if anyone thinks i'm wrong or there's some sort of objective evidence anyone wants to share i'm happy to engage. clasps hands Let's Discuss.

[29daffodils]

wtf is this about again #3 : what's wrong with ghost-shipping?

this floated into my timeline and all i could think was, “good lord, not again.”

disclaimer : OP is a som, so don't come at me saying I'm not.

(ngl i've heard the term ghostship too many times over the past month, these people are like a toddler with a new cuss word or something).

context : for those unaware, somsoms are grumbling on twitter again because someone decided to say “oh khaomix are so cute together” or something along those lines (I'm not entirely sure) but essentially, they were shipping khaomix because they were seen hanging out together during songkran '25.

now as most fandom oldies know, this is exactly how most RPF shipping happens. you see two people together and your fujo heart flutters and you start shipping them. simple.

problem here is somsoms are always taking it upon themselves to “protect” the boys (firstkhao) from “malicious fans” who like to ship them with everyone else they interact with, eg : first/tay, khao/mix, joong/first, etc.

all these people believe that you're disrespecting khaotung and first by shipping them with others, when khao has himself said he doesn't like being shipped with others (i can neither confirm nor deny this claim since i've only heard this from soms themselves, so if anybody would like to enlighten me with a video or something, feel free, inbox is open).

moreover, ever since the ohmkhao banner incident happened (more on this later), they've been doubling down against people who prefer either khaotung or first with other partners, with the explanation that fans shove their ghostships onto the actors when they've repeatedly said they don't like being shipped outside of the official CP.

(now about the ohmkhao banner thing : my first thought upon seeing that thing was not “why are they shipping khao with someone else?” but “why the fuck does ohm's b'day banner have another person who is not ohm on it?”

so no, do not go putting on a ghostship banner on someone's birthday. i wouldn't even want the official ship's banner on an actors's b'day. it's disrespectful to the person. it doesn't matter in what faith you do it, a person should be defined by their own individuality first. in this case, yes stop shoving your ships where they don't belong. )

anyway, coming back to the ohmkhao incident : during ohm's (nanon's ex, leng's ohm (now ex) — for those like me who get confused which ohm it is) b'day event, some fans put up a banner with khaotung and ohm on it because they ship them and wanted ohm to see the potential of working with khaotung (which, valid, because they are both great actors but. but. i'll come to that). anyway, soms jumped them (for their own agenda) and they got grilled to hell and back.

anyway. my point is :

RPF shipping has always been a slippery slope and considering how the thai BL industry uses RPF ships to keep pairs relevant, i will go out on a limb and assume most actors know how shipping and fandom spaces work. it may be a personal opinion for some actors to not like being shipped with people other than their official CP partner for obvious reasons like : 1) they just don't like it, 2) they are concerned there will be unnecessary infighting between fandoms which will ultimately take a toll on their own lives, and 3) they are actually in love with their CP partner and want to be linked with no one else, the probability of which is a 0.2% at best.

i know this is gonna fall on deaf ears but ships are fictional (until otherwise confirmed) and the actors CANNOT do anything about it. most fan spaces are separate from the actors themselves but certain sections of the BL fandoms like to merge it together to the extent that they start behaving like caretakers. no! your favourite actor has a mind of his own and by that virtue i believe he knows how fandom spaces work and will do his best to keep himself away from ghostships if he so wishes. as far as i know, most actors do not read fanfictions of their own ships nor do they interact with fan content as much. as far as respecting opinions goes, i think as decent fans the most we can and should do is not spam the actors' posts with mentions of the ghostship and always use a tag so it can be filtered out if they wish to do so.

now i may sound like an absolute unfeeling asshole but the onus shouldn't be on fans to look after the actors' well being! every time i see a take like this (so and so has said they don't like this thing) it blows my mind because all it does is sow discontent among fans while the company and managers take a back seat watching it all unfold (eg : the whole situation with ohmnanon). not only does this harbour unhealthy para social attachment between fans and their respective biases, but it literally fucks up fan spaces as a whole.

besides all this, the same way you can think the official ship is dating irl, other fans can do with their ships too. i dunno how this is so hard to understand.

shipping is inherently fictional. there is no truth to it beyond the shipper's own imagination.

so let fandom spaces be civil and fun and stop bothering with what the actors think!

peace out!!

[hyperraduo22]

my long list of random dps headcanons

+ includes spencer and stick !! :))))

• neil only has problems with reading in one eye and still to this day cannot figure out why. he assumes it’s genetic atp

• meeks and pitts do not like excessive gore in movies although pitts is more prone to dislike body horror— they won’t get physically sick from looking at gore they just generally don’t like it and get easily squeamish from it

• pitts likes pink lemonade simply cause it’s pink

• whenever knox gets a fortune whether from a fortune cookie or one of those mechanical tellers, he takes it so seriously for the next two weeks

• meeks and todd are slow eaters

• neil is the pickiest eater out of all the poets although he’s slowly learning to get over it and try new foods. cameron and meeks try to encourage him little by little since they used to be picky as well but got over it

• todd has sensory issues when it comes to texture. if he feels something he doesn’t like for a long period of time, he could possibly get anxious and start crying from it. example: he absolutely hates the feeling of shedded snake skin and will never ever stick his hands in those “guess what you’re touching” boxes at those wilderness exhibits— bro is traumatized from it

• despite popular belief of neil hating roller coasters, i think he has a neutral opinion on them and there’s some he can tolerate and some that he does like. although he’s very picky with roller coasters and there’s some he absolutely refuses to go on even with todd

• cameron actually likes trains a lot and hyperfixates on them (and yes there’s a bittersweet story behind it from his childhood)

• pitts loves anything s’mores flavored

• stick knows how to bake really well and the dps always ask (more like beg atp) to be his personal taste testers cause they know the finished product will be delicious

• meeks cannot eat spicy food for the life of him. he tried cajun food once and he loved it but some of the cheyenne peppers knocked him tf out- like his face was redder than his hair

• knox loves rooftop dining (rich bastard)

• charlie has a personal barber that he always goes to even when he becomes an adult

• todd’s mom is a lesbian (( i wanna post my dps family headcanons so bad cause this deserves context😭 ))

• pitts grew up with a compromised immune system and spent his days inside a lot during late elementary school and a little bit into middle school. since meeks was also pressured to do good academically at such a young age and ended up staying inside more often, the two bonded over that and meeks didn’t mind taking care of pitts when he got sick<3

• charlie and cameron are really good at golf

• cameron prefers taking chewable pills whenever possible since he has trouble swallowing larger pills

• meeks can name the 50 states in alphabetical order off the top of his head

• todd and pitts have that friendship where they always support each other no matter if they both know what they’re doing/saying is dumb and absolutely wrong by all logical standpoints

• pitts is better in biology and anatomy. the only reason why he’s passing chemistry is cause he’s good with remembering chemical reactions and organizing his work during lab projects. otherwise stoichometry fucks him up badly

• todd chews on the ice whenever he has certain cold drinks

• stick crochets in his free time— he even crocheted a blanket for spencer and spencer still uses it to this day :(((

• spencer can get really invested in dramas or sports shows and end up having really dramatic reactions at the things that happen on tv— stick has witnessed this once and bro was dying laughing the entire time. every since then, the duo watch tv together and it feels like a therapeutic bond between the two

• ^speaking of spencer and stick, they’re childhood besties!! they have that bond where even when they separate for long periods of time, they’re able to reunite and catch up/have nothing change between them

• because todd loves bird watching and meeks loves stargazing, they invite each other whenever they’re doing those activities and hype each other up whenever they spot something rare (ie. rare bird species or a rare celestial event) <3

• because stick likes to feed hummingbirds around the campus from time to time, todd sometimes joins him so he can also appreciate the birds

• whenever he reads up that an eclipse is coming up, meeks gets all the poets together on the rooftop to watch it

• pitts actually knows how to play a few songs on piano but hasn’t touched a piano in a very long time

• charlie learned to play clarinet in a orchestra/symphony that played for the town and raised money for local charities—that’s right. he’s so rich that his parents didn’t enroll him in private lessons but rather a more professional band class with other kids. he originally wanted to try out the oboe just cause (he also secretly loved the oboe solo in that one tchaikovsky piece) but his parents obviously made him do clarinet instead. he would later teach himself saxophone

• charlie has an immunity to ibuprofen and some other over the counter drugs (don’t ask why. he’s probs the type of person that gets headaches or body aches easily- whether self induced or not- and took so much ibuprofen over the course of a month that it doesn’t work anymore)

• cameron has sensitive teeth and gets toothaches easily from cold foods like ice cream. therefore, he’s careful with his portions when eating certain desserts, takes smaller sips when drinking water at restaurants (or he just asks to have no ice in his drinks), and he prefers drinking room temperature water

• stick is scared of butterflies- like i’m talking bro has a full on phobia of them cause of some traumatic childhood incident- but still thinks they’re really beautiful :(((

• ^because of this- when walking outside, spencer will make sure there aren’t butterflies nearby for stick. he’ll either swat them away or gently pick them up and make them fly away elsewhere like the true best friend he is🫡

• no matter the circumstance, spencer just does not give two fucks about true crime whatsoever. you can make him watch a true crime doc and he’ll either get bored or be like “really? that’s all the killer can do?” “…couldn’t they like- i don’t know- not enter a complete stranger’s home??” “i could’ve beaten up that guy you know.”

• knox and spencer have a brotherly relationship and have known each other since middle school. knox would invite spencer to tag along with him and charlie, obviously tease him in the middle of class, and he’d ask for help on school work. plus knox and charlie have stood up for him on multiple occasions and help raise his confidence in social situations

• stick has hypoglycemia (low blood sugar) episodes from time to time. sometimes they sync up with spencer’s random nosebleeds and they both sit in the nurse’s office together.

—————

okay now i wanna post dps family headcanons and stick and spencer headcanons now🏃‍♂️🗣️

let me and todd’s lesbian mom cook

[forget-me-not-red]

Learn about my blog here.

[pt start: Learn about me here. pt end]

What's up? I'm Jason, but you can also call me Jay, Red, and whatever. I'm an intersex, cistrans guy. I generally prefer masculine terms and the pronouns he/him & it/its. No they/them at all.

I'm the presenting alter of the Forget Me Nots Somnium. Besides from being the presenting part, I am a fictive of Red Hood. I identify as him heavily. No you cannot convince me otherwise. We also have a 2nd presenting alter, which is @forget-me-not-lamb.

I'm an autistic adult, level 2 specifically and an AAC user due to our speech impairment (I am still verbal, but speech isn't our strongsuit). Our special interests are games, comics (especially DC, but there are some Marvel and other things we enjoy), and collecting things.

One boundary I have is that strangers do not flirt with me, especially if you're going to do it because of my source.

As a system, I am accepting of all systems. I am not here to listen to bigotry. Endos, Willos, and all are welcome to interact with my main and side blogs.

Speaking of interaction with my blog, feel free to send whatever to my inbox. Just show basic respect and not too crazy behavior.

I do not have a DNI, because those rarely ever work, but I do have boundaries and block freely for anything I dislike or make me and the others uncomfortable. Take that as you will.

On this blog you should expect to find a lot of content about my source (DC - Detective Comics) as that is my primary special interest. Though sometimes other Fandoms may pop up, for example Sonic, MLP, or Creepypasta (and Horror content in general).

Whenever we post art made by separate parts, they'll tag their name on it or clarify that they aren't me.

I do selective reblogging for this blog, almost all of my reblogs go to @reds-stash. For reblogs that do go here, go to #sharing is caring - reblogs tag I have. For posts created by me go to this tag! Want to see what I receive in my inbox? Click here. For a full list of tags I specifically use, go here.

I'm both an artist and writer for original and fan-works. I'll share my creative works here and as well at @forget-me-nots-gallery. For emoji specific, go to my @forget-me-nots-mojis side-blog.

I also create music, so expect to see that. Alongside that I'm an independent game developer. Certainly working on several projects, both big and small.

See you guys whenever I post. 🦇

Other posts to check out: Tags | Anon Tags | Side-Blogs | Find Me At | Commissions & Requests

[bluecoolr]

actually, I think I'll do it like this after all bc otherwise it'll end up just being copy-paste of mostly the same. feel free to make separate answer posts. or not.

disclaimer that for the first half I forgot that cult Todd family isn't the canon. so. that was my initial pov. but you can answer how you want. or not.

disclaimer two that these are all optional and only intended to be for fun or inspiration ok. pick and choose. i won't be mad or disappointed. ily <3

2) Who's your OCs best friend? How did they become best friends? Priest Darrell, Susannah, Salome, Judah, Darron, Baeron, Stephanie, Bloo--okay just add the other ones as well or something idk man

6) If your OC is in a fantasy setting, what profession would they be in the modern day? Rhy (idk if this would make sense for Darron and Baeron?)

7) Vice-Versa! If your OC is in the modern day, what fantasy class would they be? Would they be a different race? Cheryl, Pay Phone, Graveyard Keeper and Priest Darrell, would Bright Eyes and Darrell make sense?

8) What hobbies does your OC have? What do they do to unwind? aaaaall of them (if u want)

9) How does your OC handle their physical health? Do they take care of themselves? the Darrells, Cheryl, Pay Phone

10) How does your OC handle their mental health? Do they take care of themselves? Darrell (we know the answer don't we) + AU versions and Bright Eyes, tbh also everyone? I feel like only Stephanie might be fine agdhsgah

11) What was your inspiration for your OC? pick whomever you want or this is applicable for

13) Does your OC have a rival? How did it start? Cheryl (we know she at the very least did agshgd), Pay Phone, the Darrells, Bloo, Cheryl's ex (xD), Darron and Baeron's mean brother (the one staring with N idk. also /hj)

14) Who's a character your OC cannot stand! It's on sight when they see them! Todd siblings, Bright Eyes, Pay Phone, Rhys

if I cant see question 15 it can't see me right

16) How's their relationship with their parents? Are they alive? Bright Eyes? Todd sibs, maybe (I forgot that like in "canon" the parents aren't dead agshgda), Pay Phone, ...Stephanie?

19) What's their sexuality? What's their love language both giving and receiving? whomever this applies to

20) If they fight, what's their weapon of choice? ok tbh Susannah could be fun, and Nathan maybe, Bright Eyes, Cheryl, Pay Phone, I'm sure we know but Baeron?

22) Fight or Flight? Are they a lover or a fighter? any and all (and tbh wouldn't it make more sense if this was before question 20?)

23) Is your OC reliable? Can I call them up at two in the morning if I have a flat tire? Darrell, Priest Darrell, Bright Eyes, Cheryl, Pay Phone (I am holding back so much rn)

24) Can they play any instruments? If so, what do they play? Stephanie, Pay Phone, Darron, Baeron, Rhys

25) Are they the kind of person who can't resist a good song? Can I catch your OC singing to themselves while they do the dishes? Darrell, Bright Eyes, Nathan

26) What flower do you associate your OC with? applicable etc. don't wanna stress you out.

29) Imagine a mood board for your OC! What's on it? (Make it if you want!) this is especially optional. if you feel like answering or have any ideas, cool! if not, also cool! i know this stuff can be A Lot <3

30) My OC and your OC are friends. This isn't a question. I'm not asking. (How do they respond?) all and any. my default oc would obviously be Cylas but. y'know.

Putting a read more here because this is long af

2) Who's your OCs best friend? How did they become best friends?

Quickly realizes my OCs are loners and have no friends

Canon-compliant Darrell hangs out with Earl, a man originally from Appalachia who lives in a shack at Devil's Peak, and Dan, Earl's teenage brother.

Also, he and Cylas are close friends and often encounter each other at the gas station.

Nathan and Darrell were best friends during childhood.

Nathan has a dog named Lazarus. He's a furry little mongrel he found and nursed back to health. They go everywhere together.

Salome and Cecil @probably-a-plant-thing are besties!

Susannah has an intense sapphic friendship with Ophelia @solmints-messyocdiary

Cheryl keeps everyone at a distance, but she and Dylan were something like friends, if only for a short while.

Darron's relationship with his older half-brother, Nalaghar is complicated. But he's the closest he has to a best friend. When they're not trying to kill each other, that is.

In game, Darron is closest to Astarion, Shadowheart, and Lae'zel. That's their default party roster.

6) If your OC is in a fantasy setting, what profession would they be in the modern day?

The most memorable interaction Darron has had with Astarion is when he complained that Darron hasn't slept with him yet.

Bloo's closest to Wyll.

Rhys would be a social worker or a theology grad student who does a lot of volunteer work for causes he supports.

Darron and Baeron would be trustfund babies.

Although, Baeron would probably pursue a career in entertainment or performing arts - maybe as a dancer or choreographer.

Darron is the guy who tries everything that strikes his fancy. He keeps switching programs. You hear he's taking up lit, but by the end of the month he's now in music. Then next year, he's in law school. Now he's taking up business ad. He's in it for the vibes, and the vibes only.

Bloo the Cambion is a businesswoman. She and Raphael are childless and work-obsessed.

They each have a rolls royce and a chauffeur. If one wants to speak to the other, they have to make an appointment with their secretary. Lunch dates are perfunctory. They vacation once a year, and for the most part, are romantic during the whole trip.

7) Vice-Versa! If your OC is in the modern day, what fantasy class would they be? Would they be a different race?

Cheryl would be a Levistus tiefling necromancer. Meat-obsessed and into freaky experiments.

Payphone/Clancy is her hapless human assistant 😆

Alt Timeline 2.0 Darrell/Odile's Darrell would be a ranger. A sad, wood elf ranger or druid.

8) What hobbies does your OC have? What do they do to unwind?

Susannah loves baking! She rarely eats anything she makes to keep her figure but enjoys baking her family's and friends' favorite pastries and desserts.

Aside from drawing, Salome likes to knit and crochet. She makes cutesy little hats, scarves, and bags. Most of the stuff she wears is self-made and she's really proud of it.

Cheryl goes to the local library to unwind. The librarians know her by face. She comes in a little after opening time and leaves exactly when they're about to close for the night. She does extensive research on anything that catches her fancy. There's always a stack of books at her table. She writes essays and solves equations for fun. She uses the computers to email authors sincere questions about their work. When libraries host lectures, she sits in and stays for the Q&A.

Sometimes Cheryl poses as a university student to attend classes above her grade level.

9) How does your OC handle their physical health? Do they take care of themselves?

Cheryl doesn't. She only takes the meds to relieve the symptoms from her chronic conditions. Her smoking habit negates the meds though. The most exercise she gets is walking from place to place. She doesn't eat healthy. Honestly, she suspects she'll die before she turns 30.

Darrell tries. His whackass sleep schedule ruins everything tho.

Payphone/Clancy isn't exactly a gym freak, but he does like to lift and do pullups. He's more into working out for the looks.

Darron is careful about how much he eats. He loves sweets, but doesn't want to gain weight. In drow culture, males are valued for their physical appearance and that really messed with his self-worth.

11) What was your inspiration for your OC?

Darron was inspired by Drizzt Do'urden, of course. He even has his own Zaknafein in T’zeklochar. The only difference is T'zeklochar, the weapons master, isn't his biological father. I love them. Their relationship is so Great Prince and Bambi coded.

Cheryl was inspired by movie villains Hans Gruber (Die Hard) and Cyrus Grissom (Con Air). But her being something of a genius was inspired by Will Hunting.

13) Does your OC have a rival? How did it start?

Cheryl has 3 rivals who eventually become her victims: Lydia, Thea, and Aneska. They're girls in her class who bullied her. I haven't decided how she deals with them, ever since I rewrote her backstory.

Dylan is on very thin ice with Pay Phone. Pay Phone thinks that Cheryl is "his" and doesn't like being reminded that she used to be involved with Dylan.

Darron's used to be Nalaghar, but they become something like frenemies before the end.

23) Is your OC reliable? Can I call them up at two in the morning if I have a flat tire?

Darrell - very reliable. Getting dressed immediately right after you hang up.

Priest Darrell - begrudgingly helps. Takes a while to get up from bed and has to force himself to put on his clothes and wash his face.

Cheryl - Nope. Lol. Don't count on it. You're left on read. She doesn't pick up your call.

24) Can they play any instruments? If so, what do they play?

Stephanie is baby, so she never got enough time to learn how to play. Her flesh is too flimsy for that now...

Pay Phone is the type of guy to know 1 or 2 songs on guitar 😅 He can't tune the strings to save his life. Also a really bad singer.

Darron can play the lyre! Not as well as Baeron but his fingers are pretty deft. He actually has a lyre strapped to his back in my gameplay but I keep forgetting about it.

Rhys also doesn't play, but he likes to listen to music.

If I ever go for a band au, B/Bright Eyes plays drums.

30) My OC and your OC are friends. This isn't a question. I'm not asking. (How do they respond?)

Headpats and hugs from Darrell

He's restocking shelves in the convenience store with their favorite snacks

Platonic dates!!!

Darron gifts them anything he loots finds that he thinks they might like

He is also now their drinking buddy

Cheryl hangs out. Doesn't talk much unless talked to, but she's very relaxed around them.

[waywardsculs-a2]

This place is a ℂ𝕀ℝℂ𝕌𝕊,

you just see the surface They cover shit under the rug

You can't see they're 𝔽𝔸𝕂𝕀ℕ𝔾,

they'll never be naked

Just fill your drink with tonic gin,

this is the American dream

Hey yo what's up you filthy fucking sinners welcome to my little multimuse blog for Vivziepop's HAZBIN HOTEL and HELLUVA BOSS , featuring characters like VELVETTE , LILITH and FIZZAROLLI .

That said, I go by Ritsu, She/Her or They/Them, 30, Australian and just generally tryna chill. You can find my rules below.

OTHER BLOGS

@constellaris ( multifandom multimuse, sideblog ) @harmonysheart ( robin from honkai star rail, sideblog )

AFFILIATED WITH: @bittcnneck , @hellshoard , @cxncrie , @ochtendster / @dageraadster , @sinfuldxgenerates ♥

Header & Promo Credit. || Pinned Credit. Dash Icon Credit. || Icon Template Credit. MDNI & 18+ Warning Credit. || Divider Credit.

IMPORTANT NOTE : if you ship adam with charlie, for both of us, it would be best you do not follow me if you don't intend to tag it. i'm sorry, but it makes me so vehemently uncomfortable that i just would prefer to keep my distance.

Keep the setting of the show in mind when looking to interact. Not all muses will be friendly or even remotely nice. Don't take it personally.

I'll be as canon divergent as I feel like. Let's face it, the second we take up writing a character we're making shit that ain't ever gonna be canon. Let's just have fun.

Muse ≠ Mun. Shouldn't have to say this, but I will anyway. Some muses might be assholes, but I try not to be. You're free to come talk to me any time, I'm usually just tired lmao.

I will not be following any pre-conceived relationships with OCs unless specifically discussed prior to interaction. For example, one of my OCs (Ambriel) has her main story tied to Velvette, being that she works for her, however this only applies to my Velvette. I will not push this on any others who write Velvette, and I expect the same in return.

I am very into shipping. Our muses should kiss. Bang. Fuck around. You know what it is. I'm a ship hoe and I don't care.

NSFW content may be present. I'll make sure it's tagged as #nsfw cw or #suggestive cw for easy blocking if you guys need it, but don't be surprised if it shows up from time to time. You shouldn't be, not with the nature of the show.

Mutuals only. Meaning you need to be following this blog and be followed in return from my main blog for us to count as mutuals. If you are using a hub blog, please have your blog(s) linked somewhere so I know who you are. Otherwise I block personals on sight.

Due to personal reasons, I will only ever touch on angst threads / content in general with people I feel I can trust immensely. Please do not push me for this. I may also post occasional ideas, but I will be very picky about who I explore these with.

Every ship is in its own verse and completely separate from one another. There will never be any form of infidelity occurring on this blog in any way. To expand on this, I also will not partake in any polyships or any situations where my muse has more than one romantic or sexual partner.

I never try to hide the fact that I do struggle with my mental health a lot, and I cannot stress enough that I need any and all of my partners to be understanding with it. I have been formally diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, General Anxiety Disorder, Social Anxiety Disorder, Major Depressive Disorder and Autism Spectrum Disorder. All of this is by no means an excuse in any way for anything, I simply hope this may help explain some of my behaviour at times.

I have a life away from Tumblr. I won't always be around to write replies or chat. That's how life is. I work, I have responsibilities, and those take priority.

I don't do passwords/pass phrases. If I follow you, it's safe to assume I've read your rules. I always do before following anyone.

I'm not here for drama. I know you see this everywhere, but I'll be real - I barely have the spoons to live lately. I just wanna vibe and enjoy a hobby, not take part in any bullshit. Leave me out of things unless it's absolutely imperative I know about something.

No art on this blog is mine unless I openly state otherwise. The usual. Let's leave it at that babes.

Ships I Will Not Write / Do Not Like

I will not be elaborating on why I dislike them or won't write them. These are simply things I've found I really don't like and, if possible, would prefer tagged so I can simply block them.

AdamsApple (Adam/Lucifer), Velmilla (Velvette/Carmilla), Charlastor/Radiobelle (Alastor/Charlie), Valentino/Angel Dust, Adam/Charlie, Valentino/Charlie

[javierduffy]

Hellooooo !! You mentioned in the tags of your latest post that you were willing to talk about your process if anyone asked and I am asking!!

It looks so good so I'd love to hear the process and thoughts behind it as someone who hasn't really touched digital painting before :3:3

- Oizys-Mutt

hi oizy :] sory for taking so long to get to this i honestly posted it and then i was like *windows shut down sfx* LOL so i never really felt prepared to answer until neow … not that i super feel like it now since its been so long since o posted the piece ;__; anyway !!! tjank u for asking about it first of all that’s so sweet ure always my biggest supporter </3 thank u ure so darling.

as for the idea behind the piece, i often like to think about how javier and kieran interact when they’re away from prying eyes. of course, i think that they leave camp together as often as they can (as unsuspiciously as possible .. if that’s possible at all) and progressively more and more as the gang falls apart and they know in their hearts that they’re about to lose each other, but because kieran and javier are both desperate lovers, i think they’re always finding romance the moment they think god is so merciful as to look the other way. this is to say, once javier feels as though there are enough leaves, brush, wildlife between he and his family, he rushes to yank kieran’s hand from branwen’s reins to hold. javier loves like a starved man, a one who has formerly been fed grapes and steak from the soft, gentle hands of a house servant, so a one whom knows what it is like to be full— it’s like it’s killing him to live with the grief of lovelessness. and kieran is a man who loves like a starved man who has never had a full meal in his life— he has no idea what it’s like to have a full belly, and he yearns in a way that hollows his chest out as though his heart has never beat once in his life. you put these two together and it’s almost as if lust and gluttony were the same, as if their clothed bodies, separated by the birdth of an entire foot, were forever eloped, connected, full, satisfied. like to merely touch one another is the same as to make love. so when they feel free, finally, away from the shackle of known perception- to be known, to be seen, to be rejected- they CANNOT be apart. it’s like javier can’t breathe if his atoms are not warmed by any of kieran’s that are adjacent. as i said, the moment the sun feels warmer on their skin than curious eyes, they’re intertwined. as simply as possible. every horse ride, trip to town, walk down the riverbank, every breath they take, it’s theirs. plural. so … uhhhmmm … at length, i think they’re always touching :] ! uhm. in not so many words. so it’s often that they will be seen on the road, in the woods, the creaks of their saddles speaking wordless ‘i love you’s as their intertwined hands next to the revolvers in their holsters convince strangers that the tree line opposite the lovers is suddenly quite worth watching instead. sorry. i just wrote a novel. thank you so much for indulging me i have so many feelings about them ;__;

hooonestly i don’t ever have much commentary on the process of the art itself, its moreso my thots behind the horse riding date LOL uhhhmm but since ure curious abt the art i can ramble abt that a bit :] for that piece specifically i really felt like painting for no reason in particular, but ive really felt burnt out on colouring, so i went with the process of .. reverse rendering ? if we want to call it that ? where u render the shadows in monochrome and then use white space as ur lighting and fiddle with the colours after the fact. i’m still not good at this process … at all ! it’s confusing to me ! but i’m more likely to do what i want with the piece, or at least a little more than i would otherwise, because im simply skipping the step that i Don’t want to do. it’s a long story as to why art, and certain aspects of it, is SO hard for me to do, but in short, i’m relearning how to enjoy it as an act after severely burning myself out on it due to setting absurd expectations for myself :] so im just going with my gut ! which … unfortunately does not leave much room for me to explain my process to you ! i’m sorry !!!!

[fanaticsnail]

Snail I missed yewwwww

Got caught up with life and didn't have the energy or time to write and read but now I'm more free I'm gonna read through everything so prepare yourself for the onslaught.

Anyway, been thinking about the use of nicknames and terms of endearment in Sapsorrow so have my take on the collection of all Mihawk and Governess' nicknames for each other;

Chapter 1:

"Governess" - formal, respectful of the title she has worked for, as we know later in the story he does respect the work she put into it and her herself

"Warlord" - Distanced. Reduces him to a persona and showing she doesn't know anything beyond his surface

"Lord Dracule" - professional, formal, respectful in some instances but with enough distance to also allow slight reproach and disrespect depending on tone and context without compromising her professionality

The use of "my" in front of their nicknames for each other as they grow closer, no longer designating each other as their titles/roles but rather their inescapable existence in each other lives.

"My Lord" - formal, respectful, but distanced. She is keeping it professional. (Bonus for the times she uses it snarkily and he dies inside like a cat left out in the rain with no dinner)

"Sir" - again, professional

"My Lady" - spoken when he's alone because he's not yet ready to admit it otherwise. Already calling her by the title she will inherit when they marry, despite not knowing if he can fulfill the task, some wishful thinking, perhaps driven by survival, or a Freudian slip.

Chapter 2:

"My betrothed" - simmering tension, still some professional separation and even resentment. This is a status, not a promise or relationship.

"My beloved" - Freudian slip!!!!! The start of the end!!! He is, I am afraid, doomed.

"My love" - I love 'my love' as a term of endearment bc it has nuanced meaning, my love - my love that is mine. My love - my lover, my lovely, the one I love that I claim as my own. My love - the love I have, have had, and could have, for anything and everything, the act of loving is so instrinsically affected by your existence that you shape how I love and I cannot separate the two. You are the reason I love, the love I give and the love I take. My love - my love I give to you. My love - my love given to me by you. I look for my definition of love and I see you.

Chapter 3:

"My lady" - putting this here as well, because he specifically says it more often as the Farm-hand. Seeing as servants and her wards would have to refer to her as such it makes sense but I also believe a part of Mihawk relished in finally getting to call her that so freely to her face. A hopeful glimpse into what the future might be like once she is the lady or Kuraigana. His lady of Kuraigana. The lady to his lord.

"Farm-hand" - Mihawk's bet at trying to get her to be more casual and at ease, both around him and in the castle. He so desperately wants her to be comfortable and have a friend and confidant that isn't the betrothed she was forced into, or the wards who she has a professional courtesy to maintain formality with. His first gift to her before the dresses is that she doesn't have to stretch herself with her typical formality and professionalism, knowing that she's in a strange situation and deserves to be able to feel those emotions and not do so alone.

"Lost-Lady" - Mihawk deigns her with a name that shows some more fondness and familiarity than his own. Keeping an epithet of his usual 'my lady' in there, and referencing their first carefree interaction, the first time she's felt carefree to speak to him. Calling her 'lost' also has a double meaning and shows he knows her deeper than they both realize, and recognizes the feelings she might be having and wants to acknowledge them, to show her it's okay, to hold her hand through the darkness. Including something about her that is just theirs - not the facade she keeps up, not the professional and fraught relationship between them, but the first part of her she shows to him willingly, something he gleams beyond her resume or reputation or what she's presented to him. Her gift to him is this first part of her she lets him see. It's also the first time he gets to show her this version of himself, being more playful and carefree in teasing her

The names represent the first step in their relationship, a fresh start for them to get to know each other with a clean slate and without the burden of their forced proximity.

Chapter 4:

"My bride" - spoken of with protectiveness and possessiveness to Sir Crocodile, and then as an olive branch (forgive the thematic pun) to his darling, trying to find an alternative she might like as well as hint to his feelings

"My friend" - perhaps more intimate? An equal footing. From Mihawk's perspective a promise that he will not let her be alone in this, on this island, in this marriage, in this scary scenario they face that she didn't sign up for. From Governess' perspective a reassurance that even in the event this turns out bad she knows she has someone beside her.

Chapter 5:

"Intended"

"My beau"

I just love how much they grow into being open with their expressions of love, especially because by the time Sapsorrow does try to interfere by undermining the relationship and attacking Governess' insecurities, they've established a much stronger bond that is more openly loving, even if they still remain angsty and repressed. The way you write it you can feel the relief and joy they get from being able to call eachother such, charged as the atmosphere may be it is a comfort that rolls off the tongue with ease.

"Beloved" - a change from my beloved, specifically saying that they are each beloved. An adjective. And of course, the implication that one is beloved contains an admission of loving, because how else would you be so sure?

Chapter 6:

Some more of "my bride" - this time spoken with relief at finally getting to say it

"My darling" - after finding out Mihawk is the farmhand Governess slips and calls Farmhand her darling bc they are the same, they've built a basis of friendship and Governess now recognises Mihawk's true person through Farmhand without

"He yearned for this deceit to flee from his form. No longer desiring to adorn this shield and to be the man beneath this amassment of muck for you; he wanted so desperately to cast aside titles and just truly be yours." - HE WANTS TO BE HERS!!!! It ties into the nicknames and especially the "my ___"!!! He doesn't care for titles except those gifted to him out of love for who he truly is instead of his accomplishments and facades

"My love" - again, love this nickname. Used when expressing concern for Governess

Reflecting on their chosen nicknames:

“I never thought of you as a lady who was ever lost, I had always thought of you as a woman who commanded every space she found herself within. Even as a man far more advanced in his years, I had always seen you as a woman who could have the mighty fall to their knees- much as you had me do this morning.” 

Also calling each other "my beloved-Farm Hand" and "my Lost-Lady" - letting go of the facade and accepting that their moments together were exactly that - theirs

Chapter 7:

The use of "my" in their nicknames takes on a new context as both the governess admitted in chapter 4 "I have always felt the need for control. There were so many, many things outside of my control. I wanted to make a life for myself, a life that was mine.” and Sapsorrow admits she wanted "a love that was truly mine"

"My groom"

"My beloved wife"

"My darling"

"Your devoted husband" - a promise of their matrimony. That they would overcome Sapsorrows curse. A promise that he would devote himself as a husband. A promise that he would be hers. And, since this is the first time their terms of endearment have referred to themselves instead of the other it highlights what they want to be seen as by the other. He wants to be her devoted husband.

"Your love" - Sapsorrow tells the governess to enjoy her time with her love, referring to Mihawk and the literal sense of her (their) love she feels

"Your swordsman"

"Your husband"

"My wife" - Awe-filled and thankful, as if he can't believe it

"Lady Dracule" - the Governess' realization at her new title as well as Mihawk speaking it

"I am yours, just as you are mine." & “I love you, my wife. I am yours, and you are mine, for as long as we both shall live. And for whatever comes next.” 

"My heart."... Although his anger never left, the small twitch of his lip and hitch in his breath indicated his pleasure of receiving such a high honor of that title. 

Snail... I missed you so much. Having your ask slide on in has me like:

I mourned your absence so, so much in my notifications. I am glad you've dedicated your time to life and school, and now you've got some time for recreational reading and writing. Ever since you chucked in that Buggy drabble, I have been thinking very unhinged thoughts about the clown again.

I would love to inform you that I will be writing Sapsorrow tonight. No more distractions, no more putting it off. I have the wine, I have the motivation, and I have the playlist. It's coming, and you have come through at just the most perfect time - as usual. I love you.

I am giggling so much that you've noticed the development in their names for one another. Their walls are crumbling down and they finally give into what their hearts are feeling for one another. They are now husband and wife, and I am loving writing their dynamic in this light.

As always, I adore you sweet snail. Welcome back, you've been missed 🥹😘😘😘

[themarginalthinker]

Tlb question for you! How do you think the boys met/turned into vampires? 👀

Oh boy, this is gonna get a little Long, lmao.

So, a preface: when we talk about the Boys in pretty much any of our works relating to the canon, we're using these basic 'universe rules' - ie, this is going to be their backstory for anything we write, unless specifically stated otherwise, the rules of the worldbuilding of our universe is what we're assuming.

Also, sorry if I don't include details or it seems like I'm missing things? I hope I'm getting this across. All their backstories are complicated, and some things make more sense in the story, but if you have any other questions, feel free to ask!

Alright, that aside:

Also - realized that this. Never sent?? Sorry about that too. Here you go!

David Williams: Appearance: 19, Year of death: 1879.

David was the son of farmers and those settlers pushing into the northern Great Plains just after the American Civil War. David was living in what would become Colorado (which was then literally just the Colorado Territory) when his parents both pass, leaving him and his sister Rebecca, only a year younger than him, on their own. David, being no one from no where, with few skills other than how to farm, ranch, and train horses, as well as having fairly disruptive dyslexia, cannot provide for the two of them much. Rebecca gets married to a wealthier man looking for a wife and leaves, David and her promising they'll see each other by next Christmas, when David has some money saved. That is the last time David ever sees her.

Not long after the separation, David does indeed try to get the money...and gets desperate, losing most everything in the process, turning more and more to petty crime to get by, until he messes with the wrong gang and it comes to a head. They chase him, shoot at him (our David's left hand is actually quite fucked up from being shot through just before his turning.) David ducks into an alley to hide, and something decides that this human will do.

Max has been in America for a little bit, and despite it being touted as 'the great frontier', he's found it actually rather full of other vampires already. Max wants a brood, for his own future plans, and well, no time like the present, no place like the here and now. David was simply...convenient. Nothing special. Just a checkmark on Max's to-do list.

But he becomes so much more as the years go on, and David suffers for all his sire's 'love.' For some of what that looks like, read the drabble 'Whiteout'.

Dwayne: Appearance: 20, Year of death: 1900.

Dwayne, as you may have seen, has no last name. This is because Dwayne doesn't use the English surname that was forced upon him, and only used the English first name because he quite literally cannot remember his birth name. Dwayne was born to the Haida people of the island groups off the coast of what is now British Columbia Canada. He was taken from his family and sent to a residential school. Dwayne doesn't speak much of any part of this time of his life, though the scars, both physical and mental, remain to this day.

Dwayne too was somewhat on the lam when he was turned. Dwayne at the time was running people and goods places, usually outside of the law, across country borders, or with few questions asked. They paid him, and that's what mattered. He was then paid, one night, by a young man with strawberry blond hair and the palest eyes Dwayne thinks he's ever seen, to run him away from here. As far as Dwayne and the dollars he pays are willing to take him.

Dwayne does, because he never asks questions, and he tries to take the boy, whose name he learns is David, wherever he wants.

Long story short, because we ARE trying to save a little for the story lol, Dwayne is intercepted by Max, looking for his runaway Childe, and the rest is sorta unfortunately history. Dwayne to Max is...a punishment for David, ie 'look at how you cursed this one with your bad decisions' and also now something to hold over David's head. 'I gave you someone to keep you company, a friend, a brother, a broodmate, and I can take him away just as easily.'

Dwayne will always think that letting him live was Max's greatest mistake.

Jasper Kelly, ie, Thorn: Appearance: 19, Year of death: 1935.

This one gets a little fun, because we get to play around with a character who was only in the scripts, but we do turn into an incarnation of a movie character - Max's dog.

Jasper, ie Thorn as he prefers to call himself, is the son of people living in a Hoovertown in the Great Depression - which is to say, a fantastic hunting ground for vampires. Slight problem with this however: Thorn isn't a human.

Nope! See, here's where the fun worldbuilding stuff comes in. Berd and I decided that if vampires exist in this world, well, so too must other creatures, it's only fair. So - werewolves. I'll spare you our version of them, but long-story short, they can change at will, into full wolf shape, but Thorn can't. Thorn, as it turns out, is hit with like, the most recessive of recessive genes whammy, and he cannot shift! On top of that, he's an orphan, so all throughout his childhood, he kept getting shuffled from house to house, whoever would take him.

Thorn believes his ability to turn into a big blond-white 'dog', is just his special vampire power, and in a way he's right. But it's actually from the fact he was a non-shifting werewolf.

Paul Harris: Appearance: 19, Year of death: 1957.

Paul is a preacher's son, born in Massachusetts and having spent all 19 years of his living life there. Paul was raised a good son. An obedient son. A dutiful servant of God and his father. Paul is the oldest child and only boy out of six other children. (Paul sometimes, when he's drunk and in his caustic moods, comments that 'if his mother hadn't nearly died pushing out the last one, the old man would never have climbed off her...')

For all that though, Paul's life was one of undiagnosed (it was the 50s) emotional and learning problems, and while he remains so, we headcanon it's likely Bipolor, or adhd with extreme mood swings, which wasn't helped with the Protestant upbringing and homelife.

Paul meets David, Dwayne, and Thorn when they roll into town under Max, who is there for his own business. David takes a shining to Paul not so unlike how he will in the future with Michael, the pair falling pretty damn fast and pretty damn hard. David can see Paul as something that wants to break out, knows the glorious creature that he could unleash, and Paul is desperate to break his own choking lead. 'The Taste of Butter' drabble here should give you a fair idea of what that looked like ;) Paul is murdered-but-it-didn't-stick by his own father, and kills the man for his first kill.

Paul is, however, not Max's Childe. He's David's. His first one, and the tension between David and Max is starting to pull..rather taught.

Marko Bianchi: Appearance: 18, Year of death: 1980

I know the fandom is split down the middle with Marko being the baby of the pack, and Marko being David's second in command and second oldest, but aaaa we chose this! Marko is a child of the 70s and 80s, and queerer than a 3 dollar bill to boot. His father died when he was younger, and his mother remained single and raised him through his teen years very well, though not without Trouble. As the child of first-generation immigrants, and again, deciding to be fairly open about his orientation, Marko was...targeted for a lot of stuff. He learned to bite before a strike, so to speak.

It comes to a head, however, when Marko discovers that as many unfortunate people in the Community did, he caught the virus. And it terrified him like nothing else in this world.

Cue the blonde stranger - Paul. Now, Paul at this point for Story Reasons, is on his own in San Jose, a town close to Santa Carla, and set his sights on Marko. He's drawn to him, and Paul goes with the whims of fate. Marko doesn't know who Paul is, or why he doesn't leave when Marko tells him what's up, or why he keep encouraging all of the worst tendencies in Marko, but he does.

A bad night, a bad fight some idiots picked with the pair (though trust me, there's a lot more to it than that), and Marko becomes Paul's Childe.

A little drabble associated with this is this one, where Marko is. Contemplating things.

Anyway,,,, sorry it's so long! As I said before, Berd and I are writing our Lost Boys masterfic YCCM, and these backstories will all be fully filled in with time, and likely make a bit more sense. Thank you for the ask, and if you have any more questions, just ask!

[constantlymisspelled]

8 - The Position of Manda'lor

[Text in image is as below]

i) Requirements needed to be a candidate for Manda’lor;

a) Must have a clear bill of Physical and Mental fitness. b) Must be a member of Mandalorian society. c) It is not required to have been born or raised a Mandalorian, only that you have sworn the Resol’nare. d) Must have a majority ruling in the Court of Houses and among the Major and Minor Houses and Clans – separate allocations can be made for Manda’lors that have a majority vote amongst the electoral but not amongst the Houses.

ii) Responsibilities;

a) Rule and governing over Mandalore and its cultural aspects in times of War and Peace b) Governance of the Mandalorian Military and Reserves in times of Peace. c) Control of Military Campaigns in times of War. d) Disaster Management in Emergencies, including the management of the Special Emergency Services, the Manda’yaim Reserve and Home Guard.

iii) Oversight;

a) The House Alors, Sector Governors, System Governors and Ministers of Subject can challenge the Manda’lor on individual and broad decisions when relevant to their field, and when the outcomes of decisions affect them – personally or otherwise. b) The Manda’lor can be made to take a decision to a vote if the Clan and House Alors petition to the High Command.

[Text un image is as below]

iv) Commanding body;

a) High Command, the military governance of the Star Navy, the Mandalorian Mercenaries, the Hunting Guilds, the Armourer Guilds, the Emergency Services, the Home Guard, the Journeyman Protectors, the Reserve, and the Infantry. They rely on donations and stipends from the Houses, taxation, and the good will of the general populace. b) The House Alors (Major) have forty seats within a court called the Court of Houses, that can be petitioned to overturn legislation decided upon in lower levels of government. c) The House Alors (Minor) have over a few thousand seats, non-structured, and can be called upon for civil disputes that extend past the purview of one Clan Alor, or if a dispute is between more than one Clan.

[Text in image is as below]

v) Restrictions, Compliance and Declarations of Misconduct

a) Areas that the Manda’lor cannot act as ultimate authority is upon the fields of medicine, the outcome of a financial or court decision (although the Manda’lor can convey displeasure if they believe the outcome is unfair as long as they justify said displeasure) b) A Manda’lor cannot interfere or demand a recount of an election. The only times a recount of an election can be expected is if a large portion – more than five percent of an individual electorate – goes missing.

[I was not inspired by American politics in the least! WHat, how could you suggest-

Anyways, feel free to provide any criticism. I have read two conflicting opinions on this site and on most forums, that the Manda'lor was an absolute ruler, or only a cultural, or campaign symbol, and I can see points for both sides. My point is that Jaster, as a reformer, would try to marry those ideals together to create something more than the sum of its parts. A better Mandalore, if you will.]

[Back to main Codex]

[applestorms]

Not quite sure how to word the thoughts I'm having in reaction to Trump's re-election today, so I offer these excerpts from Paulo Freire's Pedagogy of the Oppressed up as supplement.

Plenty of people have already been discussing the emotional reactions in response to this, as well as creating and spreading great resources to prepare for the future should you need them. There is comfort to be found if you need it, mutual anger and frustration should you need the catharsis. We are not moving into this alone, and do not allow yourself to be convinced otherwise.

My goal with this post is not to reiterate the same points over and over. Rather, I write this to add one key point that I think is of the utmost importance to remember, and that I offer you with the wish that you will think about and consider it for yourself:

You still have agency.

It is out of a failure to remember this fact that I feel we have gotten into this position-- yet it is through gaining recognition of it again that I know we will make it through this.

If the results of this election are anything, they are proof that this kind of fatalistic, doomer nihilism bullshit is exactly that which benefits our oppressors-- the patriarchs, the racists, the rapist capitalist fuckers who did not have to win this election. Our apathy is killing us, and it is serving their means-- passivity quite literally allowing global harm and destruction to the most vulnerable of our communities. This widespread pessimism is a fucking parasite, it is the voice of our oppressors themselves spewing their shit into your ear, and you cannot let it overtake you.

I say this as psychological, emotional, and material advice: you can't fucking live if you don't take your life as your own.

I am not unsympathetic to the feeling of hopelessness in the face of what feels like overwhelming horror and doom. There is no experience more dehumanizing than feeling like your voice means nothing, your actions mean nothing, your existence and being itself influences no one. It is understandable that when looking at both your own and others' suffering, your response is despair and anxiety, resentment of the fact that you were born at just the wrong time to have to live through such a historical moment.

The fact is, there has never not been a historical moment. Humanity is history, and it always has been-- reality not some static, unchanging set of boundaries and systems, but an ever-evolving, ever-transforming social system, entwined within itself, contradictions running to its core because humanity itself is contradictory. There are no clear boundaries between identities, responsibilities, the pure good of the superior class and sinful evil of the degenerates. It is a lie birthed within you by the oppressors, for their benefit, to believe otherwise, to fall for the falsity that we are distinct individuals, separate from birth, doomed to simply and submissively accept whatever the world happens to hand to us.

You are not some position within a triangular hierarchy of the world that decides for you whether or not you suffer. You are a fucking human being. You think. You act. You live.

We are interconnected. For better and for worse, we are free agents. You have control over your life, small though it may seem. We've gotten through this before, and we will get through it again, together.

We have arrived at this particular point in history only through the collective action of many, and we will only get out of it by the same means. You are not an object. Your actions, your words, the connections to the people you love and care about and even those you do not know, all mean something. Please-- don't allow yourself to be domesticated into passivity, into acceptance of some "fate," about how the world is just inherently fucked for the next four years because of one goddamn horrible election. Whether you like it or not, you transform and influence the world every morning that you continue to wake up and breathe and speak.

It was shitty yesterday, and it will be shitty tomorrow-- but there was also hope yesterday. And there's going to be hope tomorrow.

We must take care of our own. They are not going to do it for us.

signed, a bitch, a faggot, and a dirty-blooded product of immigrant miscegenation. this is my goddamn america, my life, and my people. that asshole is not taking that from me.