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fayes-fics · 1 year ago

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Refuge

Pairings: Anthony Bridgerton x fem!reader, Benedict Bridgerton x fem!reader (throuple)

Summary: Fluff fic. The boys tend to you when you are sick.

Warnings: none... this is just sick/comfort and fluff.

Word Count: 1.1k

Authors Note: Unbetaed. Anon request fill (see HERE) requesting a fluffy comfort fic with the Bridgerton brothers. This isn't set in the Lessons-verse, but is a similar set-up, where the reader is in an established throuple with A & B and lives with them at Aubrey Hall. Nonny, I hope this fits your wishes. Enjoy! <3

A bed is only a refuge when it's by choice.

That's the thought preoccupying your melancholic mind as you sit in bed, propped against a mass of pillows, staring out the window across the sun-drenched fields of Aubrey Hall. Wishing you could be outside, enjoying the sun's rays on your skin. Instead, you are stuck inside, boredom reaching new heights as you contemplate restarting a book for the third time.

For the past two days, a stomach complaint has left you feeling weak and without an appetite, but also frustratingly unable to sleep, seemingly worse at night. Also, you never sleep well when separated from your loves—it is all a recipe for a maudlin mood. The doctor does not think it is contagious but recommended bed rest and a foul-tasting tincture you must drink twice daily. The Bridgerton boys are coming back from business in London today, and usually, that would signify a wondrous, sensual reunion, but your traitorous body has decided otherwise.

Just as you are sullenly picking up the book you completed that morning, there is a soft knock at your door.

“Come in,” you call, defeated, expecting it to be someone bringing you more disgusting medicine.

“Darling, we are home! My valet informs me you are sick. Why did you not send word to London? We could have cut short our business,” Anthony’s worried tone seems to inhabit his whole frame as he strides in and makes a beeline for you.

“Are you alright?” Benedict adds, appearing behind him, his face also a picture of concern, rounding the other side of the bed.

The wondrous sight of them tips you over the edge. A bloom of pleasure mixed with frustration that your reunion cannot be in the manner you would like. It breaks the dam of emotions you have been keeping at bay, all bubbling over into tears.

“Oh my love, no, please do not cry!” Benedict implores and softly takes a seat on the edge of the bed, taking your hand.

Anthony hovers, worry etched into his face but seemingly unsure what to do. Benedict frowns at him and signals for him to sit on the bed, which he does after a pause, taking your other hand.

“I've missed you both so very much,” you snuffle between tears, your gaze pinging between them. “I am just so sorry to disappoint you - I am not in a fit state to celebrate as we usually would,” you offer quietly, feeling guilty and biting your lip.

“You could never disappoint us,” Anthony avows sincerely, squeezing your hand reassuringly.

“We have missed you too, my love,” Benedict strokes your cheek delicately with his free hand, swiping a tear that falls with his thumb. “But please, you are obviously sick; we only care about you getting better.”

“Yes,” Anthony nods brusquely, “what can we do to alleviate your suffering? Open a window? Or is the room too cold? Perhaps a fire? Do you need more pillows? Or less? Perhaps some more tea?”

A glow behind your ribs flares at their loving concern in their unique ways—Anthony trying to solve the problem, Benedict offering sympathy. It is just so them.

“I would perhaps enjoy new reading material,” you confess quietly. “I have read all the books here in this room at least twice over now,” you admit sheepishly.

“I will have the staff move my entire library up here this afternoon,” Anthony declares solemnly, a hand over his heart.

“No, no, please, just a few books will be more than fine,” you assure with a feeble giggle, more tears welling at his outsized gesture.

“I think what she most needs from us, brother, is us,” Benedict assesses, lowering himself to buss a kiss on your forehead—always the one to intuit your emotional needs more than you can yourself.

“Yes, please,” you whisper, almost ashamed of your yearning to just be held by them, your weakened state making you feel fragile and in need of strong arms holding you close.

Anthony instantly pulls at his boots and then swings himself around until he can lie next to you. “Of course, how did I not see that?” he chastises himself, his lips running a soothing line over your right temple.

Benedict also takes off his boots and does the same, and a feeling like warmed honey spreads behind your ribs as they each wrap an arm around your middle, snuggling into your neck and face.

“Thank you so much,” you murmur, your tears drying with their comforting presence.

“No more tears now,” Anthony lectures, but with a gentle sweetness that is him willing you to feel contentment. “We are here to do everything in our power to ensure you are all better soon.”

“Indeed,” Benedict confirms.

“Could you possibly get under the covers with me?” your ask is timid.

“Oh, of course!” both exclaim and stand up just long enough to shuck their jackets and waistcoats, pull back the bedding and slide in next to you. The heat of their bodies is an instant balm, seeping through their shirts through the thin cotton of your nightgown.

“Darling, your body is cold!” Anthony exclaims anxiously as his hand slides over your belly.

“I have not been able to keep food down, so I am always cold,” you admit. “All I can handle is weak, cooled tea.”

“My poor love,” Benedict sighs into your hairline. He runs gentle kisses over your cheek. “Then we will just have to stay here and keep you warm now, won't we?”

“That would be truly wonderful,” you sigh, closing your eyes, feeling a bone-deep relief to be back in their joint, loving embrace. Something feels missing when they must both be gone. One is bearable; both being gone makes you ache for them. “Thank you, my loves,” you murmur as you feel the pull of sleep finally taking you.

The boys share a knowing silent glance - all other things they may have to attend to can wait; paramount is you and your recovery - before settling into the pillows next to you. Their legs entwining with yours, their arms holding you, their solid bodies bracketing yours.

You sleep peacefully for the first time in days and awaken around dawn to beautiful birdsong, surrounded by Anthony and Benedict, their breath skittering over your skin in repose. During the night, your hands have ended up laced together. You feel warm for the first time this week, and your stomach rumbles, the urge to eat raring for the first time in days. It feels like you have turned a corner, although your desire to leave the bed is close to zero, snuggling down into them both - your wonderful boys.

A bed is only a refuge when it's by choice indeed.

Both Anthony & Benedict taglist: @makaylan @foreverlonginguniverse @iboopedyournose @colettebronte @aintnuthinbutahounddog @margofiore @writergirl-2001 @heeyyyou @enichole445 @enchantedbytomandhenry @ambitionspassionscoffee @chaoticcalzoneranchsports @crowleysqueenofhell @fiction-is-life @lilacbeesworld @eleanor-bradstreet @divaanya @musicismyoxygen84 @benedictspaintbrush @sorryallonsy @cayt0123 @hottytoddyhistory @fictionalmenloversblog @malpalgalz @panhoeofmanyfandoms @delehosies @m-rae23 @kmc1989 @desert-fern @corpseoftrees-queen @magical-spit @bunnyweasley23 @sya-skies

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cinnabutcringy · 1 month ago

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vertin and her relationships with others

hoo boy this one is gonna be a long one; i've barely really interacted with the fandom so admittedly if people have been talking about this, i might not really know! feel free to engage with this conversation however you'd like. this will also not be very structured, i am a pure yapper, a pure rambler at heart.

[ spoilers for the main story but specifically the first 4 chapters, i know i'll probably mention at least ONE major spoiler; also just as a cursory warning i will be talking about vertin-related ships in this one if that for some reason puts you off ]

so this has been in my mind for quite a while; again, as i don't engage a lot in fandom content (i am extremely nervous about joining discords despite wanting to and general fandom experiences make me wary but anyway) i'm sure there are people who have talked about this or think about it and i'm just not around to see it

before i TRULY begin, i just want to state: THIS IS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HATE TOWARDS VERTIN SHIPS, PARTICULARLY THE WLW ONES.

i understand how important this game's sapphics are to people and i'm not trying to say you cannot ship sonetto with vertin or schneider with vertin, but i think that fandom culture as a whole is incredibly ship-reliant/ship-focused and in my opinion that tends to take away from the nuance of certain media/characters, and i just want to see if other people also share my thoughts but haven't voiced them or whatever.

anyway, to start this post out: i do not think vertin is capable of forming truly deep bonds and relationships with people. romantic or otherwise. at least, not right now.

while vertin isn't entirely separated from her friends and allies, i think it's pretty evident that on some level, she puts up walls between herself and other people. vertin as a character is extremely composed, reliable and overall a trustworthy leader. and she's not entirely aloof, she has her quirks and interactions to show for it

but the fact remains that i think vertin, ever since witnessing the "storm" at such a young age, has put up walls between her and others just enough to where she can assume her responsibilities without letting her relationships stop her outright.

what i mean is basically, vertin allows herself to get close to people to an extent, but there's always a bit of distance between her and especially the people she's known for years. she never read as someone who gets particularly chummy with other people and i assume it's both because she feels obligated to carry out her duty, and because ever since the first "storm" she witnessed, she's felt it incapable to get too close to people because she felt it was her fault.

the close bonds she had with those at a young age made it all the more painful when she witnesses what the "storm" is truly capable of. i think it's reasonable to say that because of this, she's hesitant to truly let herself express this closeness to other people.

this post was originally going to be focused on vertin and schneider's dynamic, because to me it's the one that is both the least developed and just makes the least sense, but honestly? ironically that'd also be focusing too much on the ship in my opinion. plus, it's not just schneider, it's sonetto. it's mesmer. it's matilda. it's practically everyone she's met in her life.

schneider is just the easiest example to me because (and, this could just be because of the pacing of the early chapters, who knows) vertin never truly had an opportunity to get to know her. vertin knows her backstory, vertin knows her personality, and vertin ultimately knows that schneider will not be forgotten. but that doesn't mean vertin is in love with schneider.

on the contrary, i think she has empathy and care for her, but i think schneider is more infatuated with vertin and the genuine kindness she was shown. vertin on the other hand treated schneider like she treats everyone else: with kindness, compassion, and understanding.

the kiss scene i think kind of gave people a preconceived notion about vertin or at least, people used her reaction as fuel without considering anything else. (personally if schneider kissed ME like that i think i'd be just as shocked but COUGHS thats just me)

another example with a character basically outright stated to be in love with vertin is sonetto; i think that vertin has or at least had feelings for sonetto too, but she drowns them out because of the reasons stated before. with sonetto i actually think there's even more layers to how she feels seeing as she knew sonetto since they were kids, and sonetto got to see vertin change in real time in response to the experience she had. though analyzing specific ship dynamics in this post too much will take away from the vertin analysis so i'll probably leave that for another discussion.

i think vertin's sense of responsibility and duty ultimately mixes a lot with her trauma and makes it harder for her to prioritize herself and whatever feelings she may have for people; she can't risk getting too close, because if she does, she may lose the ability to do her job and i think being the timekeeper is something that matters deeply to her.

in conclusion, i think vertin is a very complex character. i mean, duh. this post wouldn't exist if i didn't think that. she's been deeply wounded and is trying to avoid that wound being constantly reopened because of her own habits (getting close to her allies, letting her guard down too much) and i think as a result she ends up putting up walls when she feels she's probably getting too close to someone.

obviously this is the sort of post i'd want discussion to form around, so if anyone thinks i'm wrong or there's some sort of objective evidence anyone wants to share i'm happy to engage. clasps hands Let's Discuss.

#reverse 1999 #r1999 #r1999 spoilers #re1999 #reverse 1999 vertin #re1999 vertin #vertin #vertin reverse 1999 #vertin x schneider #vertin x sonetto

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hyperraduo22 · 1 year ago

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my long list of random dps headcanons

+ includes spencer and stick !! :))))

• neil only has problems with reading in one eye and still to this day cannot figure out why. he assumes it’s genetic atp

• meeks and pitts do not like excessive gore in movies although pitts is more prone to dislike body horror— they won’t get physically sick from looking at gore they just generally don’t like it and get easily squeamish from it

• pitts likes pink lemonade simply cause it’s pink

• whenever knox gets a fortune whether from a fortune cookie or one of those mechanical tellers, he takes it so seriously for the next two weeks

• meeks and todd are slow eaters

• neil is the pickiest eater out of all the poets although he’s slowly learning to get over it and try new foods. cameron and meeks try to encourage him little by little since they used to be picky as well but got over it

• todd has sensory issues when it comes to texture. if he feels something he doesn’t like for a long period of time, he could possibly get anxious and start crying from it. example: he absolutely hates the feeling of shedded snake skin and will never ever stick his hands in those “guess what you’re touching” boxes at those wilderness exhibits— bro is traumatized from it

• despite popular belief of neil hating roller coasters, i think he has a neutral opinion on them and there’s some he can tolerate and some that he does like. although he’s very picky with roller coasters and there’s some he absolutely refuses to go on even with todd

• cameron actually likes trains a lot and hyperfixates on them (and yes there’s a bittersweet story behind it from his childhood)

• pitts loves anything s’mores flavored

• stick knows how to bake really well and the dps always ask (more like beg atp) to be his personal taste testers cause they know the finished product will be delicious

• meeks cannot eat spicy food for the life of him. he tried cajun food once and he loved it but some of the cheyenne peppers knocked him tf out- like his face was redder than his hair

• knox loves rooftop dining (rich bastard)

• charlie has a personal barber that he always goes to even when he becomes an adult

• todd’s mom is a lesbian (( i wanna post my dps family headcanons so bad cause this deserves context😭 ))

• pitts grew up with a compromised immune system and spent his days inside a lot during late elementary school and a little bit into middle school. since meeks was also pressured to do good academically at such a young age and ended up staying inside more often, the two bonded over that and meeks didn’t mind taking care of pitts when he got sick<3

• charlie and cameron are really good at golf

• cameron prefers taking chewable pills whenever possible since he has trouble swallowing larger pills

• meeks can name the 50 states in alphabetical order off the top of his head

• todd and pitts have that friendship where they always support each other no matter if they both know what they’re doing/saying is dumb and absolutely wrong by all logical standpoints

• pitts is better in biology and anatomy. the only reason why he’s passing chemistry is cause he’s good with remembering chemical reactions and organizing his work during lab projects. otherwise stoichometry fucks him up badly

• todd chews on the ice whenever he has certain cold drinks

• stick crochets in his free time— he even crocheted a blanket for spencer and spencer still uses it to this day :(((

• spencer can get really invested in dramas or sports shows and end up having really dramatic reactions at the things that happen on tv— stick has witnessed this once and bro was dying laughing the entire time. every since then, the duo watch tv together and it feels like a therapeutic bond between the two

• ^speaking of spencer and stick, they’re childhood besties!! they have that bond where even when they separate for long periods of time, they’re able to reunite and catch up/have nothing change between them

• because todd loves bird watching and meeks loves stargazing, they invite each other whenever they’re doing those activities and hype each other up whenever they spot something rare (ie. rare bird species or a rare celestial event) <3

• because stick likes to feed hummingbirds around the campus from time to time, todd sometimes joins him so he can also appreciate the birds

• whenever he reads up that an eclipse is coming up, meeks gets all the poets together on the rooftop to watch it

• pitts actually knows how to play a few songs on piano but hasn’t touched a piano in a very long time

• charlie learned to play clarinet in a orchestra/symphony that played for the town and raised money for local charities—that’s right. he’s so rich that his parents didn’t enroll him in private lessons but rather a more professional band class with other kids. he originally wanted to try out the oboe just cause (he also secretly loved the oboe solo in that one tchaikovsky piece) but his parents obviously made him do clarinet instead. he would later teach himself saxophone

• charlie has an immunity to ibuprofen and some other over the counter drugs (don’t ask why. he’s probs the type of person that gets headaches or body aches easily- whether self induced or not- and took so much ibuprofen over the course of a month that it doesn’t work anymore)

• cameron has sensitive teeth and gets toothaches easily from cold foods like ice cream. therefore, he’s careful with his portions when eating certain desserts, takes smaller sips when drinking water at restaurants (or he just asks to have no ice in his drinks), and he prefers drinking room temperature water

• stick is scared of butterflies- like i’m talking bro has a full on phobia of them cause of some traumatic childhood incident- but still thinks they’re really beautiful :(((

• ^because of this- when walking outside, spencer will make sure there aren’t butterflies nearby for stick. he’ll either swat them away or gently pick them up and make them fly away elsewhere like the true best friend he is🫡

• no matter the circumstance, spencer just does not give two fucks about true crime whatsoever. you can make him watch a true crime doc and he’ll either get bored or be like “really? that’s all the killer can do?” “…couldn’t they like- i don’t know- not enter a complete stranger’s home??” “i could’ve beaten up that guy you know.”

• knox and spencer have a brotherly relationship and have known each other since middle school. knox would invite spencer to tag along with him and charlie, obviously tease him in the middle of class, and he’d ask for help on school work. plus knox and charlie have stood up for him on multiple occasions and help raise his confidence in social situations

• stick has hypoglycemia (low blood sugar) episodes from time to time. sometimes they sync up with spencer’s random nosebleeds and they both sit in the nurse’s office together.

—————

okay now i wanna post dps family headcanons and stick and spencer headcanons now🏃‍♂️🗣️

let me and todd’s lesbian mom cook

#dead poets society #dead poets headcanons #i love stick and spencer #dps fandom #dead poets fandom #dps #dps boys #dps hcs #todd anderson #charlie dalton #neil perry #steven meeks #gerard pitts #knox overstreet #stick dps #richard cameron #dps spencer #spencer dps

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waywardsculs-a2 · 11 months ago

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This place is a ℂ𝕀ℝℂ𝕌𝕊,

you just see the surface They cover shit under the rug

You can't see they're 𝔽𝔸𝕂𝕀ℕ𝔾,

they'll never be naked

Just fill your drink with tonic gin,

this is the American dream

Hey yo what's up you filthy fucking sinners welcome to my little multimuse blog for Vivziepop's HAZBIN HOTEL and HELLUVA BOSS , featuring characters like VELVETTE , LILITH and FIZZAROLLI .

That said, I go by Ritsu, She/Her or They/Them, 30, Australian and just generally tryna chill. You can find my rules below.

OTHER BLOGS

@constellaris ( multifandom multimuse, sideblog ) @harmonysheart ( robin from honkai star rail, sideblog )

AFFILIATED WITH: @bittcnneck , @hellshoard , @cxncrie , @ochtendster / @dageraadster , @sinfuldxgenerates ♥

Header & Promo Credit. || Pinned Credit. Dash Icon Credit. || Icon Template Credit. MDNI & 18+ Warning Credit. || Divider Credit.

IMPORTANT NOTE : if you ship adam with charlie, for both of us, it would be best you do not follow me if you don't intend to tag it. i'm sorry, but it makes me so vehemently uncomfortable that i just would prefer to keep my distance.

Keep the setting of the show in mind when looking to interact. Not all muses will be friendly or even remotely nice. Don't take it personally.

I'll be as canon divergent as I feel like. Let's face it, the second we take up writing a character we're making shit that ain't ever gonna be canon. Let's just have fun.

Muse ≠ Mun. Shouldn't have to say this, but I will anyway. Some muses might be assholes, but I try not to be. You're free to come talk to me any time, I'm usually just tired lmao.

I will not be following any pre-conceived relationships with OCs unless specifically discussed prior to interaction. For example, one of my OCs (Ambriel) has her main story tied to Velvette, being that she works for her, however this only applies to my Velvette. I will not push this on any others who write Velvette, and I expect the same in return.

I am very into shipping. Our muses should kiss. Bang. Fuck around. You know what it is. I'm a ship hoe and I don't care.

NSFW content may be present. I'll make sure it's tagged as #nsfw cw or #suggestive cw for easy blocking if you guys need it, but don't be surprised if it shows up from time to time. You shouldn't be, not with the nature of the show.

Mutuals only. Meaning you need to be following this blog and be followed in return from my main blog for us to count as mutuals. If you are using a hub blog, please have your blog(s) linked somewhere so I know who you are. Otherwise I block personals on sight.

Due to personal reasons, I will only ever touch on angst threads / content in general with people I feel I can trust immensely. Please do not push me for this. I may also post occasional ideas, but I will be very picky about who I explore these with.

Every ship is in its own verse and completely separate from one another. There will never be any form of infidelity occurring on this blog in any way. To expand on this, I also will not partake in any polyships or any situations where my muse has more than one romantic or sexual partner.

I never try to hide the fact that I do struggle with my mental health a lot, and I cannot stress enough that I need any and all of my partners to be understanding with it. I have been formally diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, General Anxiety Disorder, Social Anxiety Disorder, Major Depressive Disorder and Autism Spectrum Disorder. All of this is by no means an excuse in any way for anything, I simply hope this may help explain some of my behaviour at times.

I have a life away from Tumblr. I won't always be around to write replies or chat. That's how life is. I work, I have responsibilities, and those take priority.

I don't do passwords/pass phrases. If I follow you, it's safe to assume I've read your rules. I always do before following anyone.

I'm not here for drama. I know you see this everywhere, but I'll be real - I barely have the spoons to live lately. I just wanna vibe and enjoy a hobby, not take part in any bullshit. Leave me out of things unless it's absolutely imperative I know about something.

No art on this blog is mine unless I openly state otherwise. The usual. Let's leave it at that babes.

Ships I Will Not Write / Do Not Like

I will not be elaborating on why I dislike them or won't write them. These are simply things I've found I really don't like and, if possible, would prefer tagged so I can simply block them.

AdamsApple (Adam/Lucifer), Velmilla (Velvette/Carmilla), Charlastor/Radiobelle (Alastor/Charlie), Valentino/Angel Dust, Adam/Charlie, Valentino/Charlie

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javierduffy · 1 month ago

Note

Hellooooo !! You mentioned in the tags of your latest post that you were willing to talk about your process if anyone asked and I am asking!!

It looks so good so I'd love to hear the process and thoughts behind it as someone who hasn't really touched digital painting before :3:3

- Oizys-Mutt

hi oizy :] sory for taking so long to get to this i honestly posted it and then i was like *windows shut down sfx* LOL so i never really felt prepared to answer until neow … not that i super feel like it now since its been so long since o posted the piece ;__; anyway !!! tjank u for asking about it first of all that’s so sweet ure always my biggest supporter </3 thank u ure so darling.

as for the idea behind the piece, i often like to think about how javier and kieran interact when they’re away from prying eyes. of course, i think that they leave camp together as often as they can (as unsuspiciously as possible .. if that’s possible at all) and progressively more and more as the gang falls apart and they know in their hearts that they’re about to lose each other, but because kieran and javier are both desperate lovers, i think they’re always finding romance the moment they think god is so merciful as to look the other way. this is to say, once javier feels as though there are enough leaves, brush, wildlife between he and his family, he rushes to yank kieran’s hand from branwen’s reins to hold. javier loves like a starved man, a one who has formerly been fed grapes and steak from the soft, gentle hands of a house servant, so a one whom knows what it is like to be full— it’s like it’s killing him to live with the grief of lovelessness. and kieran is a man who loves like a starved man who has never had a full meal in his life— he has no idea what it’s like to have a full belly, and he yearns in a way that hollows his chest out as though his heart has never beat once in his life. you put these two together and it’s almost as if lust and gluttony were the same, as if their clothed bodies, separated by the birdth of an entire foot, were forever eloped, connected, full, satisfied. like to merely touch one another is the same as to make love. so when they feel free, finally, away from the shackle of known perception- to be known, to be seen, to be rejected- they CANNOT be apart. it’s like javier can’t breathe if his atoms are not warmed by any of kieran’s that are adjacent. as i said, the moment the sun feels warmer on their skin than curious eyes, they’re intertwined. as simply as possible. every horse ride, trip to town, walk down the riverbank, every breath they take, it’s theirs. plural. so … uhhhmmm … at length, i think they’re always touching :] ! uhm. in not so many words. so it’s often that they will be seen on the road, in the woods, the creaks of their saddles speaking wordless ‘i love you’s as their intertwined hands next to the revolvers in their holsters convince strangers that the tree line opposite the lovers is suddenly quite worth watching instead. sorry. i just wrote a novel. thank you so much for indulging me i have so many feelings about them ;__;

hooonestly i don’t ever have much commentary on the process of the art itself, its moreso my thots behind the horse riding date LOL uhhhmm but since ure curious abt the art i can ramble abt that a bit :] for that piece specifically i really felt like painting for no reason in particular, but ive really felt burnt out on colouring, so i went with the process of .. reverse rendering ? if we want to call it that ? where u render the shadows in monochrome and then use white space as ur lighting and fiddle with the colours after the fact. i’m still not good at this process … at all ! it’s confusing to me ! but i’m more likely to do what i want with the piece, or at least a little more than i would otherwise, because im simply skipping the step that i Don’t want to do. it’s a long story as to why art, and certain aspects of it, is SO hard for me to do, but in short, i’m relearning how to enjoy it as an act after severely burning myself out on it due to setting absurd expectations for myself :] so im just going with my gut ! which … unfortunately does not leave much room for me to explain my process to you ! i’m sorry !!!!

#thank u so much for sending me asks and always rbing my stuff with so much commentary and enthusiasm it truly means the world to me u have n #o idea. genuinely.#i struggle a lot and i won’t get into it but ure kindness gives me something to focus on and it encourages me to keep doing things i love #and by extension that encourages me to ……… stay alive #i know that’s so heavy and don’t feel responsible or anything but i want u to know that ur love for what i do is so very special to me right #now :’] i will always hold all ur comments so dear. i go back and look at them often so even if they stopped i think they’ll help me for a l #ong time. so thank u. i know it’s so cheesy to lore dump on an ask abt gay cowboys but man. i can’t help it #anyway. thanks. thank u. i’m so happy to be able to have a reason to ramble. even tho i do it Way too much for whatever the question is LOL #oizys-the-mutt #oizy my beloved #rdr2 #red dead redemption 2 #i’ll tag them .. why not #kieran duffy #javier escuella #javieran #mi amors #text #ask #hero's yelling at folks again #hero's talking to himself again

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fanaticsnail · 8 months ago

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Snail I missed yewwwww

Got caught up with life and didn't have the energy or time to write and read but now I'm more free I'm gonna read through everything so prepare yourself for the onslaught.

Anyway, been thinking about the use of nicknames and terms of endearment in Sapsorrow so have my take on the collection of all Mihawk and Governess' nicknames for each other;

Chapter 1:

"Governess" - formal, respectful of the title she has worked for, as we know later in the story he does respect the work she put into it and her herself

"Warlord" - Distanced. Reduces him to a persona and showing she doesn't know anything beyond his surface

"Lord Dracule" - professional, formal, respectful in some instances but with enough distance to also allow slight reproach and disrespect depending on tone and context without compromising her professionality

The use of "my" in front of their nicknames for each other as they grow closer, no longer designating each other as their titles/roles but rather their inescapable existence in each other lives.

"My Lord" - formal, respectful, but distanced. She is keeping it professional. (Bonus for the times she uses it snarkily and he dies inside like a cat left out in the rain with no dinner)

"Sir" - again, professional

"My Lady" - spoken when he's alone because he's not yet ready to admit it otherwise. Already calling her by the title she will inherit when they marry, despite not knowing if he can fulfill the task, some wishful thinking, perhaps driven by survival, or a Freudian slip.

Chapter 2:

"My betrothed" - simmering tension, still some professional separation and even resentment. This is a status, not a promise or relationship.

"My beloved" - Freudian slip!!!!! The start of the end!!! He is, I am afraid, doomed.

"My love" - I love 'my love' as a term of endearment bc it has nuanced meaning, my love - my love that is mine. My love - my lover, my lovely, the one I love that I claim as my own. My love - the love I have, have had, and could have, for anything and everything, the act of loving is so instrinsically affected by your existence that you shape how I love and I cannot separate the two. You are the reason I love, the love I give and the love I take. My love - my love I give to you. My love - my love given to me by you. I look for my definition of love and I see you.

Chapter 3:

"My lady" - putting this here as well, because he specifically says it more often as the Farm-hand. Seeing as servants and her wards would have to refer to her as such it makes sense but I also believe a part of Mihawk relished in finally getting to call her that so freely to her face. A hopeful glimpse into what the future might be like once she is the lady or Kuraigana. His lady of Kuraigana. The lady to his lord.

"Farm-hand" - Mihawk's bet at trying to get her to be more casual and at ease, both around him and in the castle. He so desperately wants her to be comfortable and have a friend and confidant that isn't the betrothed she was forced into, or the wards who she has a professional courtesy to maintain formality with. His first gift to her before the dresses is that she doesn't have to stretch herself with her typical formality and professionalism, knowing that she's in a strange situation and deserves to be able to feel those emotions and not do so alone.

"Lost-Lady" - Mihawk deigns her with a name that shows some more fondness and familiarity than his own. Keeping an epithet of his usual 'my lady' in there, and referencing their first carefree interaction, the first time she's felt carefree to speak to him. Calling her 'lost' also has a double meaning and shows he knows her deeper than they both realize, and recognizes the feelings she might be having and wants to acknowledge them, to show her it's okay, to hold her hand through the darkness. Including something about her that is just theirs - not the facade she keeps up, not the professional and fraught relationship between them, but the first part of her she shows to him willingly, something he gleams beyond her resume or reputation or what she's presented to him. Her gift to him is this first part of her she lets him see. It's also the first time he gets to show her this version of himself, being more playful and carefree in teasing her

The names represent the first step in their relationship, a fresh start for them to get to know each other with a clean slate and without the burden of their forced proximity.

Chapter 4:

"My bride" - spoken of with protectiveness and possessiveness to Sir Crocodile, and then as an olive branch (forgive the thematic pun) to his darling, trying to find an alternative she might like as well as hint to his feelings

"My friend" - perhaps more intimate? An equal footing. From Mihawk's perspective a promise that he will not let her be alone in this, on this island, in this marriage, in this scary scenario they face that she didn't sign up for. From Governess' perspective a reassurance that even in the event this turns out bad she knows she has someone beside her.

Chapter 5:

"Intended"

"My beau"

I just love how much they grow into being open with their expressions of love, especially because by the time Sapsorrow does try to interfere by undermining the relationship and attacking Governess' insecurities, they've established a much stronger bond that is more openly loving, even if they still remain angsty and repressed. The way you write it you can feel the relief and joy they get from being able to call eachother such, charged as the atmosphere may be it is a comfort that rolls off the tongue with ease.

"Beloved" - a change from my beloved, specifically saying that they are each beloved. An adjective. And of course, the implication that one is beloved contains an admission of loving, because how else would you be so sure?

Chapter 6:

Some more of "my bride" - this time spoken with relief at finally getting to say it

"My darling" - after finding out Mihawk is the farmhand Governess slips and calls Farmhand her darling bc they are the same, they've built a basis of friendship and Governess now recognises Mihawk's true person through Farmhand without

"He yearned for this deceit to flee from his form. No longer desiring to adorn this shield and to be the man beneath this amassment of muck for you; he wanted so desperately to cast aside titles and just truly be yours." - HE WANTS TO BE HERS!!!! It ties into the nicknames and especially the "my ___"!!! He doesn't care for titles except those gifted to him out of love for who he truly is instead of his accomplishments and facades

"My love" - again, love this nickname. Used when expressing concern for Governess

Reflecting on their chosen nicknames:

“I never thought of you as a lady who was ever lost, I had always thought of you as a woman who commanded every space she found herself within. Even as a man far more advanced in his years, I had always seen you as a woman who could have the mighty fall to their knees- much as you had me do this morning.”

Also calling each other "my beloved-Farm Hand" and "my Lost-Lady" - letting go of the facade and accepting that their moments together were exactly that - theirs

Chapter 7:

The use of "my" in their nicknames takes on a new context as both the governess admitted in chapter 4 "I have always felt the need for control. There were so many, many things outside of my control. I wanted to make a life for myself, a life that was mine.” and Sapsorrow admits she wanted "a love that was truly mine"

"My groom"

"My beloved wife"

"My darling"

"Your devoted husband" - a promise of their matrimony. That they would overcome Sapsorrows curse. A promise that he would devote himself as a husband. A promise that he would be hers. And, since this is the first time their terms of endearment have referred to themselves instead of the other it highlights what they want to be seen as by the other. He wants to be her devoted husband.

"Your love" - Sapsorrow tells the governess to enjoy her time with her love, referring to Mihawk and the literal sense of her (their) love she feels

"Your swordsman"

"Your husband"

"My wife" - Awe-filled and thankful, as if he can't believe it

"Lady Dracule" - the Governess' realization at her new title as well as Mihawk speaking it

"I am yours, just as you are mine." & “I love you, my wife. I am yours, and you are mine, for as long as we both shall live. And for whatever comes next.”

"My heart."... Although his anger never left, the small twitch of his lip and hitch in his breath indicated his pleasure of receiving such a high honor of that title.

Snail... I missed you so much. Having your ask slide on in has me like:

I mourned your absence so, so much in my notifications. I am glad you've dedicated your time to life and school, and now you've got some time for recreational reading and writing. Ever since you chucked in that Buggy drabble, I have been thinking very unhinged thoughts about the clown again.

I would love to inform you that I will be writing Sapsorrow tonight. No more distractions, no more putting it off. I have the wine, I have the motivation, and I have the playlist. It's coming, and you have come through at just the most perfect time - as usual. I love you.

I am giggling so much that you've noticed the development in their names for one another. Their walls are crumbling down and they finally give into what their hearts are feeling for one another. They are now husband and wife, and I am loving writing their dynamic in this light.

As always, I adore you sweet snail. Welcome back, you've been missed 🥹😘😘😘

#one piece #x reader #ask snail #snail answers #moots mooting #sapsorrow #mihawk au #sapsorrow au

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themarginalthinker · 1 year ago

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Tlb question for you! How do you think the boys met/turned into vampires? 👀

Oh boy, this is gonna get a little Long, lmao.

So, a preface: when we talk about the Boys in pretty much any of our works relating to the canon, we're using these basic 'universe rules' - ie, this is going to be their backstory for anything we write, unless specifically stated otherwise, the rules of the worldbuilding of our universe is what we're assuming.

Also, sorry if I don't include details or it seems like I'm missing things? I hope I'm getting this across. All their backstories are complicated, and some things make more sense in the story, but if you have any other questions, feel free to ask!

Alright, that aside:

Also - realized that this. Never sent?? Sorry about that too. Here you go!

David Williams: Appearance: 19, Year of death: 1879.

David was the son of farmers and those settlers pushing into the northern Great Plains just after the American Civil War. David was living in what would become Colorado (which was then literally just the Colorado Territory) when his parents both pass, leaving him and his sister Rebecca, only a year younger than him, on their own. David, being no one from no where, with few skills other than how to farm, ranch, and train horses, as well as having fairly disruptive dyslexia, cannot provide for the two of them much. Rebecca gets married to a wealthier man looking for a wife and leaves, David and her promising they'll see each other by next Christmas, when David has some money saved. That is the last time David ever sees her.

Not long after the separation, David does indeed try to get the money...and gets desperate, losing most everything in the process, turning more and more to petty crime to get by, until he messes with the wrong gang and it comes to a head. They chase him, shoot at him (our David's left hand is actually quite fucked up from being shot through just before his turning.) David ducks into an alley to hide, and something decides that this human will do.

Max has been in America for a little bit, and despite it being touted as 'the great frontier', he's found it actually rather full of other vampires already. Max wants a brood, for his own future plans, and well, no time like the present, no place like the here and now. David was simply...convenient. Nothing special. Just a checkmark on Max's to-do list.

But he becomes so much more as the years go on, and David suffers for all his sire's 'love.' For some of what that looks like, read the drabble 'Whiteout'.

Dwayne: Appearance: 20, Year of death: 1900.

Dwayne, as you may have seen, has no last name. This is because Dwayne doesn't use the English surname that was forced upon him, and only used the English first name because he quite literally cannot remember his birth name. Dwayne was born to the Haida people of the island groups off the coast of what is now British Columbia Canada. He was taken from his family and sent to a residential school. Dwayne doesn't speak much of any part of this time of his life, though the scars, both physical and mental, remain to this day.

Dwayne too was somewhat on the lam when he was turned. Dwayne at the time was running people and goods places, usually outside of the law, across country borders, or with few questions asked. They paid him, and that's what mattered. He was then paid, one night, by a young man with strawberry blond hair and the palest eyes Dwayne thinks he's ever seen, to run him away from here. As far as Dwayne and the dollars he pays are willing to take him.

Dwayne does, because he never asks questions, and he tries to take the boy, whose name he learns is David, wherever he wants.

Long story short, because we ARE trying to save a little for the story lol, Dwayne is intercepted by Max, looking for his runaway Childe, and the rest is sorta unfortunately history. Dwayne to Max is...a punishment for David, ie 'look at how you cursed this one with your bad decisions' and also now something to hold over David's head. 'I gave you someone to keep you company, a friend, a brother, a broodmate, and I can take him away just as easily.'

Dwayne will always think that letting him live was Max's greatest mistake.

Jasper Kelly, ie, Thorn: Appearance: 19, Year of death: 1935.

This one gets a little fun, because we get to play around with a character who was only in the scripts, but we do turn into an incarnation of a movie character - Max's dog.

Jasper, ie Thorn as he prefers to call himself, is the son of people living in a Hoovertown in the Great Depression - which is to say, a fantastic hunting ground for vampires. Slight problem with this however: Thorn isn't a human.

Nope! See, here's where the fun worldbuilding stuff comes in. Berd and I decided that if vampires exist in this world, well, so too must other creatures, it's only fair. So - werewolves. I'll spare you our version of them, but long-story short, they can change at will, into full wolf shape, but Thorn can't. Thorn, as it turns out, is hit with like, the most recessive of recessive genes whammy, and he cannot shift! On top of that, he's an orphan, so all throughout his childhood, he kept getting shuffled from house to house, whoever would take him.

Thorn believes his ability to turn into a big blond-white 'dog', is just his special vampire power, and in a way he's right. But it's actually from the fact he was a non-shifting werewolf.

Paul Harris: Appearance: 19, Year of death: 1957.

Paul is a preacher's son, born in Massachusetts and having spent all 19 years of his living life there. Paul was raised a good son. An obedient son. A dutiful servant of God and his father. Paul is the oldest child and only boy out of six other children. (Paul sometimes, when he's drunk and in his caustic moods, comments that 'if his mother hadn't nearly died pushing out the last one, the old man would never have climbed off her...')

For all that though, Paul's life was one of undiagnosed (it was the 50s) emotional and learning problems, and while he remains so, we headcanon it's likely Bipolor, or adhd with extreme mood swings, which wasn't helped with the Protestant upbringing and homelife.

Paul meets David, Dwayne, and Thorn when they roll into town under Max, who is there for his own business. David takes a shining to Paul not so unlike how he will in the future with Michael, the pair falling pretty damn fast and pretty damn hard. David can see Paul as something that wants to break out, knows the glorious creature that he could unleash, and Paul is desperate to break his own choking lead. 'The Taste of Butter' drabble here should give you a fair idea of what that looked like ;) Paul is murdered-but-it-didn't-stick by his own father, and kills the man for his first kill.

Paul is, however, not Max's Childe. He's David's. His first one, and the tension between David and Max is starting to pull..rather taught.

Marko Bianchi: Appearance: 18, Year of death: 1980

I know the fandom is split down the middle with Marko being the baby of the pack, and Marko being David's second in command and second oldest, but aaaa we chose this! Marko is a child of the 70s and 80s, and queerer than a 3 dollar bill to boot. His father died when he was younger, and his mother remained single and raised him through his teen years very well, though not without Trouble. As the child of first-generation immigrants, and again, deciding to be fairly open about his orientation, Marko was...targeted for a lot of stuff. He learned to bite before a strike, so to speak.

It comes to a head, however, when Marko discovers that as many unfortunate people in the Community did, he caught the virus. And it terrified him like nothing else in this world.

Cue the blonde stranger - Paul. Now, Paul at this point for Story Reasons, is on his own in San Jose, a town close to Santa Carla, and set his sights on Marko. He's drawn to him, and Paul goes with the whims of fate. Marko doesn't know who Paul is, or why he doesn't leave when Marko tells him what's up, or why he keep encouraging all of the worst tendencies in Marko, but he does.

A bad night, a bad fight some idiots picked with the pair (though trust me, there's a lot more to it than that), and Marko becomes Paul's Childe.

A little drabble associated with this is this one, where Marko is. Contemplating things.

Anyway,,,, sorry it's so long! As I said before, Berd and I are writing our Lost Boys masterfic YCCM, and these backstories will all be fully filled in with time, and likely make a bit more sense. Thank you for the ask, and if you have any more questions, just ask!

#the lost boys #yccm

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applestorms · 2 months ago

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Not quite sure how to word the thoughts I'm having in reaction to Trump's re-election today, so I offer these excerpts from Paulo Freire's Pedagogy of the Oppressed up as supplement.

Plenty of people have already been discussing the emotional reactions in response to this, as well as creating and spreading great resources to prepare for the future should you need them. There is comfort to be found if you need it, mutual anger and frustration should you need the catharsis. We are not moving into this alone, and do not allow yourself to be convinced otherwise.

My goal with this post is not to reiterate the same points over and over. Rather, I write this to add one key point that I think is of the utmost importance to remember, and that I offer you with the wish that you will think about and consider it for yourself:

You still have agency.

It is out of a failure to remember this fact that I feel we have gotten into this position-- yet it is through gaining recognition of it again that I know we will make it through this.

If the results of this election are anything, they are proof that this kind of fatalistic, doomer nihilism bullshit is exactly that which benefits our oppressors-- the patriarchs, the racists, the rapist capitalist fuckers who did not have to win this election. Our apathy is killing us, and it is serving their means-- passivity quite literally allowing global harm and destruction to the most vulnerable of our communities. This widespread pessimism is a fucking parasite, it is the voice of our oppressors themselves spewing their shit into your ear, and you cannot let it overtake you.

I say this as psychological, emotional, and material advice: you can't fucking live if you don't take your life as your own.

I am not unsympathetic to the feeling of hopelessness in the face of what feels like overwhelming horror and doom. There is no experience more dehumanizing than feeling like your voice means nothing, your actions mean nothing, your existence and being itself influences no one. It is understandable that when looking at both your own and others' suffering, your response is despair and anxiety, resentment of the fact that you were born at just the wrong time to have to live through such a historical moment.

The fact is, there has never not been a historical moment. Humanity is history, and it always has been-- reality not some static, unchanging set of boundaries and systems, but an ever-evolving, ever-transforming social system, entwined within itself, contradictions running to its core because humanity itself is contradictory. There are no clear boundaries between identities, responsibilities, the pure good of the superior class and sinful evil of the degenerates. It is a lie birthed within you by the oppressors, for their benefit, to believe otherwise, to fall for the falsity that we are distinct individuals, separate from birth, doomed to simply and submissively accept whatever the world happens to hand to us.

You are not some position within a triangular hierarchy of the world that decides for you whether or not you suffer. You are a fucking human being. You think. You act. You live.

We are interconnected. For better and for worse, we are free agents. You have control over your life, small though it may seem. We've gotten through this before, and we will get through it again, together.

We have arrived at this particular point in history only through the collective action of many, and we will only get out of it by the same means. You are not an object. Your actions, your words, the connections to the people you love and care about and even those you do not know, all mean something. Please-- don't allow yourself to be domesticated into passivity, into acceptance of some "fate," about how the world is just inherently fucked for the next four years because of one goddamn horrible election. Whether you like it or not, you transform and influence the world every morning that you continue to wake up and breathe and speak.

It was shitty yesterday, and it will be shitty tomorrow-- but there was also hope yesterday. And there's going to be hope tomorrow.

We must take care of our own. They are not going to do it for us.

signed, a bitch, a faggot, and a dirty-blooded product of immigrant miscegenation. this is my goddamn america, my life, and my people. that asshole is not taking that from me.

#broadcasts from the astronaut #rose tag #tempted to not make this rebloggable cuz i still genuinely want this blog to be somewhat of a safe haven for me politics-wise #i just had to get the Words out somehow #sigh. idk #i fear this may come across guilt-trippy but i dont know how else to say it #i suppose the key part of this is the fact that you. (whoever you may be) do not simply have to accept what i say here as fact #part of your agency is your ability to judge and think for yourself about how you feel about what i say for yourself yes?#including whether or not you think this applies or is relevant to you at all #anyways #someone PLEASE send me some goddamn death note posts i need a fucking break already #signature is shorthand for ‘woman queer & filipina american’ btw. to be clear

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eldritch-bf · 11 months ago

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Path of Titans things I’d love to see

A new map or new area added onto existing map that is a desert (vast sand dune area, an oasis area, craggy dry mountains in a rain shadow)

Same as above but a tundra area with a snowy alpine area, a tundra with only some hardy plants, snowy mountains, and a frozen chunk of ocean

The ability to set a custom waypoint

Map actually shows the names of the POIs and you can toggle these on and off

Option to lock the mini map to always point north with the option to keep it as it is

Seasons??

Obviously AI dinosaurs in single player which I think they are working on or plan to

Nesting and raising young system once your Dino is an adult

A campaign/story mode like what WolfQuest has where you start as a hatchling and are with an AI herd or your AI parents and siblings until you reach young adult stage and have to go off on your own and find your own AI mate and have to defend your hatchlings/herd. Could also challenge leadership in an existing herd.

This may be weird but considering how waystones and replenishing water sources work I don’t think it’s that weird, but maybe a volcano or geyer or other very unique location where if you throw a specific item into it, you can get the weather to change. Like throwing a piece of lakeweed gets you rain for 15 IRL minutes. A rock gets you hail, a flower gets your sunshine, etc. A frog gets you a plague of frogs and a termite gets you a plague of locusts lmao.

Some mechanism to make finding items easier because some of them are damn hard. Most games have a mechanism like this where you press a button and the environment turns grayscale apart from the resources which emit a bright color. Or just make some of the items easier to distinguish (like the ROCKS. Make them glowing rocks or a bright color like pink quartz or smth idk). Maybe you have to do a special somewhat difficult quest to unlock this ability or you can only See rocks once you’ve collected rocks in an area so now they’re always revealed to that dinosaur.

Either: A mechanism that only allows carnivores to attack other dinosaurs if they are Hungry and any two dinosaurs can agree to a duel if they both 3-Call at each other within a 30 second window or smth otherwise you cannot take damage or call damage.

OR: an official server with this mechanic separate from the regular free-for-all KOS servers.

Regardless the above would be it’s own game mode that people who create servers could set as their game mode if they so choose.

Once you’ve visited a way stone you can fast travel to it from other waystones.

Feel free to add your own I know the game is still in beta and some of these they’re probably already planning.

#path of titans #POT

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constantlymisspelled · 1 year ago

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8 - The Position of Manda'lor

[Text in image is as below]

i) Requirements needed to be a candidate for Manda’lor;

a) Must have a clear bill of Physical and Mental fitness. b) Must be a member of Mandalorian society. c) It is not required to have been born or raised a Mandalorian, only that you have sworn the Resol’nare. d) Must have a majority ruling in the Court of Houses and among the Major and Minor Houses and Clans – separate allocations can be made for Manda’lors that have a majority vote amongst the electoral but not amongst the Houses.

ii) Responsibilities;

a) Rule and governing over Mandalore and its cultural aspects in times of War and Peace b) Governance of the Mandalorian Military and Reserves in times of Peace. c) Control of Military Campaigns in times of War. d) Disaster Management in Emergencies, including the management of the Special Emergency Services, the Manda’yaim Reserve and Home Guard.

iii) Oversight;

a) The House Alors, Sector Governors, System Governors and Ministers of Subject can challenge the Manda’lor on individual and broad decisions when relevant to their field, and when the outcomes of decisions affect them – personally or otherwise. b) The Manda’lor can be made to take a decision to a vote if the Clan and House Alors petition to the High Command.

[Text un image is as below]

iv) Commanding body;

a) High Command, the military governance of the Star Navy, the Mandalorian Mercenaries, the Hunting Guilds, the Armourer Guilds, the Emergency Services, the Home Guard, the Journeyman Protectors, the Reserve, and the Infantry. They rely on donations and stipends from the Houses, taxation, and the good will of the general populace. b) The House Alors (Major) have forty seats within a court called the Court of Houses, that can be petitioned to overturn legislation decided upon in lower levels of government. c) The House Alors (Minor) have over a few thousand seats, non-structured, and can be called upon for civil disputes that extend past the purview of one Clan Alor, or if a dispute is between more than one Clan.

[Text in image is as below]

v) Restrictions, Compliance and Declarations of Misconduct

a) Areas that the Manda’lor cannot act as ultimate authority is upon the fields of medicine, the outcome of a financial or court decision (although the Manda’lor can convey displeasure if they believe the outcome is unfair as long as they justify said displeasure) b) A Manda’lor cannot interfere or demand a recount of an election. The only times a recount of an election can be expected is if a large portion – more than five percent of an individual electorate – goes missing.

[I was not inspired by American politics in the least! WHat, how could you suggest-

Anyways, feel free to provide any criticism. I have read two conflicting opinions on this site and on most forums, that the Manda'lor was an absolute ruler, or only a cultural, or campaign symbol, and I can see points for both sides. My point is that Jaster, as a reformer, would try to marry those ideals together to create something more than the sum of its parts. A better Mandalore, if you will.]

[Back to main Codex]

#mandalorians #mandalorian law #supercommando codex #mandalorian language #mandalorian code #true mandalorians #mandalorian culture #jaster mereel #mando'ade #mando'a #mandalore #mandalorian lore #Jaster Mereel's 70k long legal document that changed the galaxy

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suffocatingdeviancy · 11 months ago

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Would you be open to owning an online sub, what would be some of the rules for example? I'm 34dd and 5'4, pale with tattoos and nipple piercings. I'm aching to perform humiliating tasks and serve.

I’m absolutely open to owning online subs.

I have a few conditions that are about respecting the humanity of the people you play with.

My conditions are:

1. An important part of dominance for me is that I make a real impact on my submissive’s life. I don’t want to have something solely limited to the bedroom or our imaginations.

2. You have to understand that I am poly, I am not able to provide exclusivity. I’m happy to work with you to find a good arrangement that suits.

3. Honesty is the foundational policy. Communication is important in any relationship, it’s especially important in a relationship which is enacted online. Communicate your feelings and desires plainly, and I will do the same. Tell me what you want me to do with you if you have preferences. I cannot read minds, no matter how good I am at profiling and hypnosis. I can totally make mistakes too btw, so if you think there’s anything I can do better with you, I want your feedback.

4.Be as prompt as you can with safe words and limits. You don’t have to know everything. You do have to demonstrate that you are considerate of your own limits and mine. I can’t know if I have overstepped without quality communication. I would hate to cause lasting damage to you or our relationship.

4b. No ghosting. We are adults, so we commit to discussing our concerns before we go our separate ways.

5. Do not kiss and tell. I do not disclose the irl identity or identifying features of my play partners without either specific or blanket consent. You must agree to the same confidence to play.

6. Respect for each other’s employment, community responsibilities and time. I have a full time occupation I enjoy. I also value my sleep. I will not be happy if you fuck with either of them. The same goes for you, so many subs I know have so much responsibility and cool stuff in their lives. I want you to tell me what’s going on so I can make good plans as a dom and not inadvertently demand too much of you when you need time for things too. (Unless otherwise is agreed to prior to specific play)

7. You do not have to send pictures or take web calls at first if you are not ready to trust me with that aspect of you for obvious security reasons. I want to naturally build trust with you. However, I expect that you will send pictures and take calls when you and I feel ready to commit to a fully dominant/submissive dynamic.

8. I believe in safe kink and aftercare. My priority is your safety as my submissive. In a similar vein, don’t break my shit. Do not stand by and let others break my shit. If you submit to me, you are mine for the purposes of this rule. I care about my people, even if I have a funny way of showing it sometimes. If you need help with self-love and self-care I want to provide explicit support for that in our dynamic. I also will support you with keeping healthy boundaries with other people if you need that.

9. I will not demand money from you. However, I may ask you to make kinky purchases if it’s within your budget. This should hopefully be an exciting proposition for you. I want to feel free to encourage you to pursue your desires with me. I expect you wouldn’t demand money from me either. As we both invest in the relationship I may become more open to providing things that make us feel closer.

10. Have fun!! But like, making it real, our relationship has to honestly be enjoyable and work towards our happiness long term.

Extra: I reserve the right to not take anyone on for any reason. If that’s the case for you, it’s likely not because of you. I really can be busy, even if I’m equally horny. You deserve to have a proper commitment from people you submit to as well.

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maquanxy · 10 hours ago

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Control & Non Control

Control & Non-Control

The path to inner tranquility is understanding the separation between what is in our control and what is not. Misunderstanding this distinction leads to delusions and a loss of quality of life. Here will explore the relationship between external events and non-control, the connection between thoughts and emotions relating to non-control, and why reason and action are the only true forms of control.

External and the Relationship with Non-Control

Everything outside of our mind, including our body, is beyond our control. Even when certain external events seem highly predictable, they should still be considered non-control, as the mind thrives on simplicity. People’s insights, opinions of us, and ways of thinking are also external and therefore outside of our control. By making an extreme separation between control and non-control, we prevent external forces from influencing our emotions and thoughts.

Recognizing and applying the strict separation between control and non-control allows the mind to stay focused on what truly matters—our own thoughts and actions. By understanding that control is born and implemented solely within the mind, we avoid wasting energy on external matters that remain forever beyond our reach. This mental organization creates clarity, reinforcing our ability to remain unaffected by the chaos of the outside world.

Failing to separate control from non-control leads to endless suffering. When people focus on changing things beyond their power, they subject themselves to frustration, anxiety, and despair. The external world will always affect them because they have given it control over their emotions. A powerful example of this is a man wrongfully imprisoned. He has committed no crime, yet he finds himself trapped behind bars. If he fixates on the injustice of his situation—on the fact that he cannot escape—he will only bring himself suffering. However, if he applies the separation of control and non-control, he can reclaim his peace. By accepting that the external world is set in motion and beyond his reach, he redirects his focus inward, mastering his thoughts and emotions. In doing so, he preserves his sanity and finds tranquility, even in a place designed to break him.

By understanding that everything beyond the mind is non-control, we free ourselves from unnecessary suffering. This extreme distinction simplifies the mind, removing attachment to external forces that would otherwise dictate our emotions. As the prisoner example shows, even in the worst conditions, true freedom exists in the mastery of one’s own mind. Only by letting go of what is beyond us can we begin to focus on what is truly within our power.

Emotions and Thoughts Relationship with Non-Control

Just as external events fall outside of our control, emotions and thoughts share a similar relationship with non-control. Our mind constantly reacts to external factors, which influence our emotions and thoughts more than we realize. These non-control factors arise randomly, often without deliberate intent. Negative emotions, for example, can be triggered by both external events and inner reflections—anxiety from future worries, guilt from past mistakes, and sadness from memories. While people often believe they are in control of their emotions, these feelings come and go on their own, independent of will. Therefore, the logical approach is not to suppress or ignore emotions but to separate from them—taking a step back to observe them rather than becoming consumed by them.

A powerful analogy for understanding the separation of thoughts and emotions from control is the sailors and captain analogy. In this metaphor, emotions are like the waves and weather—unpredictable and constantly changing. Thoughts, represented by the sailors, react to these conditions, sometimes struggling to stay steady. However, true control lies with the captain, who represents reason. The captain does not control the sea, nor does he attempt to stop the waves. Instead, he observes, adjusts, and makes rational decisions based on what is in his control—the direction of the ship and his response to the storm. Likewise, when we experience emotions, we should not try to suppress them or fight against them, but instead, act as the captain—acknowledging their presence while remaining guided by reason.

By recognizing that thoughts and emotions function in the same way as external events, we free ourselves from their grip. Understanding that emotions will arise but do not define us allows us to make clear decisions based on reason rather than impulse. This realization strengthens our ability to maintain stability, no matter what storms arise.

Reason & Action

Reason is the captain of the mind, the filter through which thoughts and emotions must pass before leading to action. It is the only true element of control we possess. Our reaction to external events must first be processed through reason, which then dictates our response. Both reason and action are within our control, but reason must be guided by our core values and virtues to ensure that our actions align with what we truly believe.

For example, if a car is stolen, this event is entirely outside of our control. Recognizing this fact does not prevent emotions from naturally arising—frustration, anger, or sadness may surface. However, by separating from these emotions and reminding ourselves that we are not our emotions or thoughts, we regain clarity. Instead of reacting impulsively, we allow reason to take over, shaping our response in alignment with our virtues. This leads to deliberate action—the only true control we have. By mastering this process, we ensure that external events do not dictate our inner stability, allowing us to act with intention rather than emotional impulse.

By recognizing that reason is the only true source of control, we build a foundation for self-mastery. Emotions will come and go, and external events will continue to unfold as they always have. However, those who let reason guide them remain unshaken, responding not with impulse but with clarity and purpose.

Tranquility

The distinction between control and non-control is the foundation of stability. Emotions and thoughts are non-control, often influenced by external events, which are also beyond our command. What is within our control is reason—the guiding force that filters our emotions and thoughts before leading to action. By embracing this separation, we prevent suffering and focus only on what we can truly control: reason and action.

True clarity comes not from suppressing emotions but from understanding them without becoming consumed by them. Just as external events unfold beyond our influence, emotions and thoughts arise and fade, but they are not us. When we fully internalize this, we reclaim our ability to act with intention rather than impulse. In mastering this process, we achieve the greatest form of self-mastery—the ability to navigate life with stability, clarity, and, most importantly, tranquility.

#philosophy #self help

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iviarellereads · 1 month ago

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The Shadow Rising, Chapter 25 - The Road to the Spear and Chapter 26 - The Dedicated

(THIS PROJECT IS SPOILER FREE! No spoilers past the chapter you click on. Curious what I'm doing here? Read this post! For the link index and a primer on The Wheel of Time, read this one! Like what you see? Send me a Ko-Fi.)

(Wheel icons both) In which I only list specific characters in the tags for good reason: because otherwise the tags become unwieldy.

PERSPECTIVE: Rand walks among the columns, wondering what's supposed to happen. Ahead and to the right, he sees a man who must be Muradin, stiff and still. Something is happening, and Mur's face says he doesn't like whatever it is, but he's unresponsive. Rand takes another step toward the middle.

He rode behind a set of eyes, feeling but not controlling a body. The owner of those eyes crouched easily among boulders on a barren mountain-side, beneath a sun-blasted sky, peering down at strange half-made stone structures—No! Less than half-made. That’s Rhuidean, but without any fog, and only just begun—peering down contemptuously. He was Mandein, young for a sept chief at forty. Separateness faded; acceptance came. He was Mandein.

A woman says he must agree, but he ignores her. The Jenn have made pumps to draw water into the fountains, and Mandein jealously thinks he's fought battles over less water than one fountain holds. He thinks how Rhuidean can't be defended, not that anyone would attack the Jenn. They avoid the Jenn as they avoid the cursed Lost Ones, who wander in search of a song.

The woman, Sealdre, his wife, tells him he must agree to whatever "they" ask. She and other Dreamers have seen it: any chief who doesn't come, or doesn't agree, their septs will die within three generations, their names lost.

He tells her to stay here, and goes to meet the other chiefs with his own warriors. He can see that, as Sealdre said, some of the clans clearly haven't listened. Two Aes Sedai, so old he cannot fathom it, especially since age doesn't touch Aes Sedai as it does normal people, sit waiting. He wonders if they remember the stories he knows of his greatfathers.

The AS look at Mandein and he pulls his gaze away from them. A gaunt, white-haired man and two graying women come forward from the Jenn Aiel, to speak for them, and the man asks why the rest of them don't carry swords. Mandein growls that swords are forbidden, even the Jenn should know that. One of the women says they don't know why, there's too much they don't know about themselves.

Mandein asks what they want, and the man says "You." Whoever among the Aiel would lead their clans must come to Rhuidean and learn where they came from and why they do not carry swords. Who cannot learn, will not live. The woman says their Wise Ones have spoken to them, and they know the cost to those who refuse.

Another man, Charendin, pushes his way to the front of the crowd and asks, so whichever of us comes to you will lead the Aiel? No, says one of the Aes Sedai. That one will come later. She speaks some of the Dragon Prophecy: the stone that never falls will fall; he will be of the blood but not raised by the blood, he will take you back and he will destroy you.

Some of the clan chiefs turn as if to leave, but they don't go far. They know the cost. Charendin says this is some trick, the Jenn want control, but Aiel bend knee to no-one. They say they don't want control: they're dying. When the Jenn are no more, only they who agree will remember the Aiel. If they do not agree, then all is lost.

Mandein asks the one question that remains: if you know you're doomed, why do this? The Jenn man says it is their purpose. They searched for this place, they have prepared it. They have done what they must, and keep faith. Mandein studies the man, and says he is indeed Aiel, and he, Mandein, will go to the Jenn.

Rand blinks, remembering the vision. He's further into the columns than a single step accounts for. He steps forward again.

He is Rhodric, nearly twenty years old. His veil is up, and his spears ready. His greatfather Jeordam is down on the brown grass. The old man's hair is white, like the "snow" the oldest ones talked of, but his eyes are sharp. He's watching the well diggers, but that won't occupy all his attention.

They'd followed a mountain range north for months, dragging their wagons behind them, trying to deny the Aiel that followed them. It's been years since Rhodric saw a river he couldn't wade across. He remembers when the world was green.

He hears the horses before he sees them. They don't notice the Aiel in the hill. The one in the lead, Garam, is the son of the nearby town's leader. This town is the first to grant them permission to draw water, without fighting for it.

Garam asks if the ones who follow them are the same as them, and Rhodric says the ones who follow are the Jenn Aiel, and Rhodric's lot are the Aiel, so they're the same but they also aren't. He can't explain it further. He doesn't really understand it himself.

Jeordam comes up behind Garam and asks which way the others move. East, across the Spine of the World. Jeordam asks what's on the other side, but Garam doesn't even think there's a way across. The Jenn have Aes Sedai with them, doesn't that make these Aiel uneasy? Garam heard that the world was different once, but Aes Sedai destroyed it.

Rhodric schools his face to stay blank. There are four AS, not dozens, but they do make him nervous because of the stories that the Aiel failed the AS in some way that no one knew anymore. The AS look at the Aiel with sad eyes.

Jeordam says they just guard the Jenn, who travel with the AS. Garam says the AS are plannign to build a city, with Ogier help. Garam thinks the Aes Sedai ought to be killed before they can destroy the world again. Jeordam says Garam must do as he thinks best, and J must prepare his people to cross the mountains.

Garam mentions that the Spine of the World has a second name: the Dragonwall. Rhodric knows that the Aiel have a secret name: the People of the Dragon. He doesn't know why, but it feels fitting to have to cross a Dragonwall. What lays beyond? Who knows, but at least there must be people to fight. In the whole world there exist only Aiel, Jenn, and enemies.

Rand draws a deep breath as if he hasn't breathed in hours. The columns around him glow in rings. Muradin is struggling against taking another step. Rand moves forward.

Jeordam is eighteen, and has only ever known life in the snow and the tents. He calls out to five people, tramping toward him, asking if the Jenn have need of them? A tall fellow shouts back that they call them that to mock them, but the Jenn are the only Aiel, everyone else has given up the Way. Jeordam snaps that's a lie, he's never held a sword! He points to where the wagons are and says if they're lost, go that way.

One of the women speaks to the tall man quietly, then tells Jeordam they're not lost. He nods, and tells them to follow him.

He leads them to his father's tents, proud of his sept of nearly two hundred people, the largest of ten camps. The Jenn don't seem impressed, and it irritates him that there are so many more Jenn than Aiel. Lewin comes out of the tent, and the woman, Morin, tells a story along the lines of what J expected. They traded with a village, then the men from the village came in the night and stole back what they'd traded for and more. The Jenn always thought the Way would protect them from the people who lived in villages. They list the dead, and then the captives, which include a five year old girl.

Lewin promises to get them back. He says they can stay if they wish, but they must be willing to defend themselves, and they will never be welcome back at their wagons.

All five of them take spears out of the ground nearby, even Morin. Lewin says she doesn't have to take a spear, there is no shame, but she says they have her daughter. Lewin says so be it, and goes off to choose people to take back the captives.

Morin struggles with her spear, and J tells her if she's serious about it, she needs to start wearing breeches, not skirts. He cuts a bit of the length off her spear and tells her how to use it, and she asks how old he is. He answers, and asks if one of the men is her husband. No, her husband already mourns their daughter, he cares more for the trees than his blood. J asks, trees? Morin says they have three tiny Trees of Life, planted in barrels. They take care of them, for someday when they find a place of safety.

She realizes she's been talking of the Jenn in terms of "they" and that she already knows she's not one of them anymore. She looks at the spear and says this is her husband now. She eyes J and asks, if someone took his child, would he speak of the Way of the Leaf and suffering sent to test their faith? He shakes his head, and she says he'll make a fine father someday, now teach her to use the spear. After some training, Morin says she saw J's face in a dream. He barely hears her, thinking about how much more efficient the shorter spear is.

Rand is only a pace or two away from Muradin, who snarls silently. The columns are taking them back through the history of the Aiel, and Rand's feet move him forward, and backward, of their own accord.

Lewin adjusts his veil, watching a camp whose residents had abducted some Aiel women. Everyone else was ready to mourn and move on, even Lewin's greatfather Adan, who would have stopped them if he knew what Lewin was planning. Lewin and his companions strategize about how to take back their sisters.

They sneak into the camp when all four men seem to be asleep, but Lewin's sister, Maigran, is too deep in shock to react, much less run away, and then one of the men wakes. Lewin doesn't know how it happens exactly, but he swings the hot, heavy kettle they had over their cook fire at one man, then drops it as a second approaches him. His hand falls on rounded wood, and he swings it at the second man, who falls. It wasn't a stick, it was a spear.

Lewin drops it as soon as he realizes this, but it's too late. He's killed a man. His companions have taken out the others, though one dies shortly after Lewin realizes it. Their sisters are still sobbing or unresponsive, too. Lewin decides that they have to bring the girls back to the wagons, first off. They gather everything useful, but as one man is reaching for one of the swords, Lewin says that's still a weapon, made only for killing people. A spear can put food in pots, a sword can't.

They return to camp, somber. Adan asks what happened, and one of the girls says that Lewin killed the bad men who stole them. Adan is horrified, There is no reason to do violence, in the Way of the Leaf. They have abandoned the Way. They are Da'shain no longer, he will not have the Aiel corrupted by them. Even Lewin's mother refuses to acknowledge him after this. Lewin shouts into the wind, as his people walk away from him that he is Aiel.

Darting lights bore into Rand's eyes. He thinks about how Lewin hadn't carried a weapon, he hadn't known how to use one. Killing terrified him, but now the Aiel literally never go unarmed except in this place. He's almost level with Muradin now. His feet take him forward and back.

Adan clutches his grandchildren, just five and six years old, all crying. Some of the wagons still burn, the dead lay where they fell. His last living daughter, his last living child, is crammed into a wagon box with other women, like animals.

The wagons leave, with the laughing murderers driving, and Adan bids his grandkids to stay here until he comes back. He walks over to his wife's body, and one of the other surviving men, Sulwin, asks him what he means to do now. Adan says he means to bury their dead and move on. What else is there? Sulwin asks how they can go on, with no horses, no water, no food. All they have left are wagons full of things Aes Sedai will never come for. What are they? Why should they give their lives to haul these things around, afraid even to touch them?

Adan shouts that they have legs, they have backs. They can drag the wagons by hand if need be. They will be faithful in their duty. Sulwin says no, they're meant to find a place of safety, and that they will. They will seek the place where they can be safe, and sing again the songs they sung before the world fell. Adan scoffs, the songs are gone, as are the old days. They must not give up their duty to the Aes Sedai. Some of Sulwin's companions say some of them will give up now. Adan turns at a crash behind him, and one of the crates has broken open, revealing a number of objects, including a doorframe of red stone. Other wagons are being emptied, too.

Sulwin says not to stop them, and Adan says they are not Aiel, whatever they are they are no longer Aiel. Sulwin says they'll keep the Way of the Leaf as well as Adan will, but Adan shouts at them to go, they are lost! He doesn't want to look at them.

Adan studies some of the objects. Was there a use for any of it? Was this what they were being faithful for? Then so be it. Some of it can be saved, though there's no way to tell what the Aes Sedai might consider important. He looks at his grandkids, and takes heart that some of the Aiel can be saved, also. He gathers his wife in his arms again, and whispers, asking how long they must be faithful.

Tears sting Rand's eyes. He thinks how the Way of the Leaf is no Aiel belief. He can hardly think at all, though. He's level with Muradin, whose mouth is open in a soundless howl. They step forward together.

Jonai overlooks the ruins of what was once Comelle. He doesn't know where to go or what to do without his wife. He returns to the wagons, met by Adan. He keeps thinking Adan is Willim, but Willim had been sent away when he began to channel. Adan says there are Ogier, from the north. There are no more than fifty of them, all hollow-cheeked and sad-eyed.

He thinks of the last Aes Sedai he saw, almost as mad as any male Aes Sedai still living. He sees bread and bowls in the Ogiers' hands and drives away thoughts of how many of his people could be fed with what the Ogier are eating.

An Ogier asks if they have chora cuttings, and Adan says some. They die, but they can take new cuttings before they do. They compare stories of how bad it is in the north and in the east. Jonai regrets every wagon they've had to leave behind, full of Aes Sedai cargo placed in the Aiel charge. The Ogier ask if they know where a stedding is, but they don't. The Ogier are beginning to feel a longing in their bones to go home, but they can't find a stedding.

Jonai feels a tightness in his chest. He tells Adan to take the people south. Keep the Covenant. Guard what the Aes Sedai gave them until they come for it. Keep the Way of the Leaf...

Rand thinks it makes no sense, how can these people be Aiel? Muradin is clawing bloody scratches in his face. Rand goes forward.

This time, Jonai is sixty-three, in his prime, not even old enough for grey hair, but he feels an old man. Shattered buildings, empty streets, dead chora trees. The last of the jo-cars stopped working and were abandoned where they sat. He enters the Hall of the Servants, unquestioned. Everyone is busy, and there's a feeling of panic in the air.

He slips into the door he sought, and shudders at the objects on the table. A crystal sword held down Lews Therin's banner. Why has it not been destroyed?!

The Aes Sedai in the room are arguing over a Foretelling that something will happen, but what good is it if they don't know when? Jonai stops listening and speaks to Someshta, a Nym, who asks if he knows Jonai. Jonai hasn't seen Someshta in years, had thought most of the Nym were dead. Someshta asks if Jonai is one of the Children of the Dragon, and Jonai winces. That name had caused some trouble, especially since it wasn't exactly true.

One of the Aes Sedai, Solinda, asks Jonai if all is in readiness. She recalls a group of ten thousand Aiel, linking arms and singing trying to remind a madman who they were and who he was. The man killed them all, even as they kept singing. Jonai says the Da'shain earned many others the time to flee, and they were not afraid.

She asks after Coumin, and Jonai says his father is hiding somewhere in the city. He wouldn't listen to Jonai. Solinda bids Jonai to keep the Covenant, keep moving, and that if the Da'shain lose everything else, see that they keep the Way of the Leaf. He says of course, the Covenant is the Aiel, and the Aiel are the Covenant. She dismisses him and discussion turns to a task they need Someshta and some young male channelers for.

He bows as he leaves, doing them one last honour, but runs out of the Hall, all the way to the great gathering. Thousands of wagons in ten lines, loaded with food and water, with crated angreal, sa'angreal, and ter'angreal, things that had to be kept from the hands of men going mad with the Power. Among the wagons stand the people, perhaps all the Aiel left in the world.

He takes his place next to his wife, and they reassure each other that all will be well. He waves his arms, and the wagons begin to move, and with them, the Aiel leave Paaren Disen.

Rand has too many memories crowding his head. Muradin is digging at his eyes now. Forward.

Coumin is sixteen, and participating in his first seed singing with Ogier. The soldiers guarding them all fascinate him: his father's greatfather, Charn, claimed there had been no soldiers once, but Coumin didn't believe it. Who would stop the Nightriders and Trollocs from killing everyone? Charn said there were no Myrddraal or Trollocs, no Forsaken, back then. He enjoyed Charn's stories even if they couldn't possibly be true. Though, some of Charn's stories also earned him scoldings, like when he said he served Lanfear before she was evil. As well to say he'd served Ishamael.

The singing begins, and Someshta arrives, dancing in the middle of the circle. Eventually there are sprouts all over, twice as tall already where Someshta stepped. This is what Coumin was born for.

After, he sees another soldier, without the usual fancloth cape but his helmet like some monstrous insect head. One of the Ogier asks if he has news, and he says there's a report that Lews Therin led the Companions on a strike at Shayol Ghul this morning at dawn. There's something wrong with their communications, but reports say the Bore is sealed with most of the Forsaken also on the other side. Maybe all of them.

The war is over? What will the world be like without war? Coumin wants to seek out Charn. While he's looking, a random villager punches him. When Coumin asks why, the man says the Forsaken are dead, Lanfear won't protect the Aiel anymore, and they'll root out everyone who served the Forsaken while pretending to be on the side of the Light. They'll treat everyone the way they treated that crazy old man.

Coumin runs. The inn is silent, and he runs through to the spiceapple trees behind the inn, where Charn liked to sit. He trips on one of Charn's favourite red boots. He looks up, and sees Charn, hanged from a tree. Coumin asks why, to the empty air.

Rand quivers. Muradin is in even worse shape than before. Forward.

Charn makes his way down the street, enjoying the chora trees, their trefoil leaves spreading peace and contentment. Jo-cars hum quietly down the street, and a great white sho-wing darts across the sky. Today is his twenty-fifth naming day, and he intends to accept Nalla's offer of marriage tonight. It would mean changing his service to Zorelle Sedai, whom Nalla served, but Mierin Sedai had already given her blessing.

A citizen runs into Charn, knocking him to the ground. The woman with him points out that Charn is Aiel, and the man says, so he is, and apologizes, helping Charn to his feet. Charn says he's the one at fault, then the earth ripples beneath their feet. The man pulls his fancloth cloak around himself and his lady, so their heads seem to float disembodied.

The people nearby ask Charn what's going on, but he ignores them, pushing through the crowd to see the Sharom, the white sphere. Mierin had said today would be the day, she had found a new source for the One Power. Female and male Aes Sedai will be able to tap the same source, not separate halves. What men and women could do united would be even greater now that they could share the same Power. She and Beidomon would tap it today for the first time - the last time men and women would work a different Power.

A tiny chip of white spun away from the Sharom in a jet of black fire. A hundred fouts spurted everywhere. The Sharom broke apart like an egg, drifting downward. Darkness spread across the sky, swallowing the sun. Charn broke into a run toward the Collam Daan, but he already knew he was too late. He was sworn to serve Aes Sedai, and he was too late.

Rand squeezes his head with both hands. Did he really just see the hole being drilled into the Dark One's prison? And Avendesora, a chora tree. Charn thought a city without chora trees would feel like wilderness, and now only one survives.

There's no more sign of Muradin. Rand doesn't think Mur came out of the columns. Something catches his eye in the Tree. A shape swinging from a pole laid across two branches.

With a wordless roar, he ran for the tree, grabbing at saidin, the fiery sword coming into his hands as he leaped, slashing at the rope. He and Mat hit the dusty white paving stones with twin thuds. The pole jarred free and clattered down beside them; not a pole, but an odd black-hafted spear with a short sword blade in place of a spearpoint, slightly curved and single-edged. Rand would not have cared if it was made of gold and cuendillar set with sapphires and firedrops. Letting sword and Power go, he ripped the rope away from Mat’s neck and pressed an ear to his friend’s chest. Nothing. Desperately, he tore open Mat’s coat and shirt, breaking the leather cord that held a silver medallion on Mat’s chest. He tossed the medallion aside, listened again. Nothing. No heartbeat. Dead. No! He’d be all right if I hadn’t let him follow me here. I can’t let him be dead! As hard as he could he pounded his fist against Mat’s chest, listened. Nothing. Again he hammered, listened. Yes. There. A faint heartbeat. It was. So faint, so slow. And slowing. But Mat was still alive despite the heavy purple welt around his neck. He might yet be kept alive. Filling his lungs, Rand scrambled around to breathe into Mat’s mouth as strongly as he could. Again. Again. Then he leaped astride Mat, seized the waist of his breeches and heaved upward, lifting his hips off the pavement. [...] He could have channeled; he might have been able to do something that way. The memory of that girl in the Stone stopped him. He wanted Mat to live. Live, not be a puppet moved by the Power. Once back in Emond’s Field he had seen Master Luhhan revive a boy who had been found floating in the Winespring Water. So he breathed and heaved, breathed and heaved and prayed.

Mat jerks awake, coughing. Those flaming sons of goats tried to kill him. Rand asks who, and Mat says the folk on the other side of this doorway. Rand asks if they answered questions, but Mat says no, no answers, they cheat, and they tried to kill him. He got something out of them, at least. He picks up the fox head medallion Rand had torn off him in his life-saving attempts, and the spear. Mat reads it and says he'll keep this, too, though it's their joke. Rand is confused at Mat's calling this a joke, but Mat says the writing on the spear reads:

‘Thus is our treaty written; thus is agreement made. Thought is the arrow of time; memory never fades. What was asked is given. The price is paid.’

He says he'll slice them with their own wit if he gets the chance. His head hurts, and Rand takes it as a sign of how badly that Mat asks if Moiraine might do something for it.

Rand suggests heading back now, it'll be cooler to travel at night, and he doesn't want to stay here a minute longer. Mat agrees. Rand pauses only once, to look back at the figures holding crystal spheres, but he leaves them there. Not yet, he thinks, not for a long time yet, if he's lucky.

Some kind of trouble is rising around them as they leave, and they start running. All sorts of faceless black shapes seem to appear around them Rand uses his Power-fire sword, and Mat his new spear (though wielded more like a quarterstaff) to fight them off. Rand realizes he can use the Power to kill them, and does so. They start running again.

They run through the fog into dim light. It's nearly dawn. Rand stares at the sky, and remembers part of the prophecy: he will come from Rhuidean at dawn. He suggests they go back up the mountain, the rest will be waiting for them. For him, he adds to himself.

=====

These two chapters really can't be analyzed separately, they are inherently and intricately linked, and it would be hard to do footnotes on top of the overall analysis that they demand.

On the one level, in the present, we have Rand and Muradin both journeying through the glass forest, the Way Way Back Machine, the Ancestatron 9000. As all who would become clan chief, or Dragon, they must learn the true history of the Aiel. Muradin can't take it. He literally self-mutilates and dies in the machine. Now we know why most never come back, and some who do are mad. They can't handle the truth of their history. They've changed so much that many just aren't psychologically equipped to survive the shock of the truth.

And what a damn truth.

I'm going to do this in more or less reverse order, and straighten out the timeline for us all. The Aiel were once sworn to the service of Aes Sedai and the world. They sang the songs of growing like Loial still can. This is the Song that the Tuatha'an, the Tinkers, the Lost Ones later seek, misguidedly.

Charn served Mierin Sedai, and later in his life said he served Lanfear before she was evil. We can assume now that Lanfear's given name is Mierin. She is the one who opened the Bore, who set free the Dark One, and brought the Age of Legends to a close, because she sought a Power that would make her equal to any man. Male channelers are more powerful than female channelers, on average, sort of the same way men are physically stronger than women on average, even if some men are weak and some women are very strong. But, while in any physical parameter in our real world, the range of strength and weakness is the same between men and women, the strongest male channeler is several levels above the strongest female channeler forever. At any rate, Charn witnesses the Bore being drilled, and everything that comes after.

Charn's great grandson Coumin is a young man when Lews Therin leads the hundred companions into Shayol Ghul and seals the Bore. The townspeople, believing that the Aiel served the Forsaken alone, kill Charn, and Coumin is never the same. (Also, hi Someshta, the Green Man from book 1. Hello and goodbye again for three thousand years.)

Coumin's son, Jonai, is in charge of the Covenant made with Aes Sedai, to keep angreal, sa'angreal, and ter'angreal away from male channelers, now going mad with the taint that was the Dark One's final act as Lews Therin used saidin to seal the Bore.

Jonai eventually has to start leaving wagons behind as they lose people, because the Way of the Leaf dictates that they may not defend themselves. He regrets each wagon, despite knowing the necessity. He bids his son Adan to continue his work, as he dies.

Adan is the one who witnesses the Lost Ones breaking off from the Aiel. They're young enough, far enough removed from the Age of Legends, that they think the Song was something entirely other than it was. They've mythologized it, lost its origin, forgotten its meaning, and now they think it's a better hope for the future than carrying around some stinky old carvings for Aes Sedai who probably don't even remember or care about them anymore.

Who can blame them? Honestly?

Lewin, Adan's son, is the first to break the Way of the Leaf. He can no longer tolerate the way everyone else hates the Aiel. He takes up the spear, the chosen weapon of the Aiel we know to this day, and is cast out of the Aiel for it. This is where they split: the Jenn Aiel are those who keep the Way and the Covenant, and the plain Aiel are those who took up the spear.

Jeordam, Lewin's son, witnesses the first Maiden of the Spear, a mother who refuses to let her daughter be taken. Morin is the first to wed the spear, and begins a tradition that will last thousands of years.

Rhodric is Jeordam's grandson, and doesn't believe the stories of the Breaking. He knows Garam, (who will be part of the founding of the city of Cairhien, there are hints in Garam's physical description, which matches that of Cairhienin nobility with regard to RJ's stereotyping) and the deal Garam's father has with the Aiel, to let the Aiel take water without fighting or payment, is why the Aiel later share the Avendesora clipping and allow Cairhien to send trade along certain routes through the Waste. Rhodric is part of the push across the Dragonwall, the Spine of the World, the mountain range separating Randland's basic setting from the Waste. By Mandein's time, this story has already warped.

Rhodric's great great grandson Mandein is a clan chief at the time when Rhuidean is founded. The Jenn Aiel have finally found their place of safety, and built the city, and laid out the things they still carried for the Aes Sedai. Now they are dying, and though it wasn't part of the plan, they've done what they can. They leave it in Mandein's hands, and his contemporaries, and their descendants, to learn their true history, and to remember.

And now, Rand knows too.

There's no firm timeline on how long after the Breaking the path begins/ends, how long it was until that confrontation at Rhuidean with those same Aes Sedai. We do know that it was about 110 years from the bore until the strike on Shayol Ghul (so, between those two last/earliest perspectives) and that the Breaking is more or less synonymous with that strike, even though (as we can now discuss!) it was a series of events across several hundred years. It's not absurd for Charn to have lived to about age 135 because the Age of Legends is a near-mythical time in which lifespans probably were much longer, if only because they had better access to magic healthcare. Some folks have done the math on generations with assumptions, though, given that we know the kinship between each POV in the line. Best guesses are that the scene at Rhuidean probably happened 300-350 years after the strike/after the Breaking of the World. It could make you wonder what those Aes Sedai were doing for all those years between, and how they knew to come back.

And as an addendum, NONE OF THAT even touched on the little details we learn about the history of the world. Like Warder cloaks having been widely available, even fashionable, until the Bore, then they became soldier garb, and eventually just for Warders. There are hundred or more little details in this section that point to specific things. It's an incredible sequence that says so, so much about the world in the book, contextualizes so many things we've already seen and perhaps had questions about, like the Ogier longing. If you finish the series, or even if you get much further than this, I encourage you to come back to these two chapters afterward.

And I didn't even touch on Mat's level up here. He was never Loki, always always Odin. And hey look, we've got Odin and Thor and Perun, it really is about to get all Ragnarok up in here! What's with that spear? And the medallion? How could they relate to his requests?

#wheel of time #wot #the wheel of time #twot #tsr #the shadow rising #wot wheel icon #rand al'thor #muradin (wot)#mat cauthon #the green man (wot)

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