#feel free to share and reblog!

[elvain]

MK'S FIC MASTERPOST (tolkien edition)

hi all! as i venture into a new world of fanfic, i thought i would make a new reference post. here is my tolkien-themed ao3. please note that all my fics are locked and restricted to AO3 users only.

Chaptered Fics:

At The Heart of Time - ongoing for 42 chapters, Not Canon Compliant, Reincarnation AU, BilboThorin + focus on Durin family relationships. The fifty-seventh time that Thorin Oakenshield, King Under the Mountain, came back from the dead, he realized something. Something he had never thought or known or remembered or forgotten before. Regular updates.

Forged In Amber - ongoing for 28 chapters, Canon Divergent, Post-Battle of the Five Armies, FiliSigrid. Years after the slaying of Smaug and the Battle of the Five Armies, Sigrid of Dale wakes up in a world she does not know or recognize. They tell her that Lake-town is gone, that there are Dwarves in the Mountain again, that her father is a King. But there is something they are not telling her. Something important.

Sweet Like Summer - completed at 10.2k, Canon Divergent, FrodoSam, Post-War of the Ring. As the Shire begins to blossom and come back to life, Frodo enlists the help of a Took and a Brandybuck, and embarks on a new quest: telling Samwise Gamgee how he really feels.

All Those Who Wander - completed at 14.2k, Canon Compliant, Boromir & Aragorn, Boromir & Faramir. After Boromir's death, the Fellowship continues to hold true. And so does he. (Written for LOTR20).

One-Shots:

Ends Of The Earth - completed at 4.1k words, Canon Compliant, Thangorodrim Rescue, Married Couple, FingonMaedhros. Fingon comes for Maedhros upon the peaks of Thangorodrim.

The Taste Of Ink - completed at 4.3k words, Canon Divergent, Post-BOTFA AU, Explicit Sexual Content, PWP, FiliSigrid. When Sigrid gets an Elvish rune inked upon her, Fíli must grapple with how he feels about it.

Mutual In Divine Love - completed at 4.1k words, Canon Divergent, Yearning, Getting Together, ArwenÉowyn. As Middle Earth is ravaged and changed forevermore, Arwen finds herself embroiled in a battle to decide the fates of all - not just her own. Little does she know, there is another woman upon the Pelennor who has chosen to do the same.

Ride Out In The Country - completed at 2.4k words, Canon Compliant, Fluff & Humour, ÉomerLothíriel. Firefoot has had enough of Éomer and Lothíriel's bickering. So, he does something about it.

silver streams / golden hearts - completed at 2.5k words, Canon Compliant, Explicit Sexual Content, IdrilTuor. As the sea continues to call for Tuor of Gondolin, Idril Celebrindal calls him back.

Golden - completed at 4k words, Canon Divergent, Courting Rituals, BilboThorin. An insight into courting under the Mountain.

In The New Dawn - completed at 2.1k words, Canon Divergent, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Bathing, AragornÉomerImrahil. As dawn rises over Middle Earth, so must the King. But he is not alone.

My Lover's Eyes - completed at 2.6k, Canon Compliant, Bilbo & Frodo, Grief & Mourning, BilboThorin. Nobody really knew why Bilbo had taken Frodo in, in fact. But Bilbo did.

Between Two Lungs - completed at 2.7k words, Canon Compliant/Canon Non-Compliant, Hair Braiding, BilboThorin. On the road to recovery, Bilbo and Thorin discover a new path.

Just A Daydream Away - completed at 2.2k words, Canon Non-Compliant, Explicit Sexual Content, FiliSigrid. Even a Princess needs some time alone to unwind and Sigrid knows exactly what she wants to do. Or rather, whom.

the kinslayer in the woods - completed at 4.5k words, Canon Compliant, Daeron & Maglor. In his exile, Maglor has become wholly accustomed to silence. One day, that silence is broken.

The Fall of Finrod Felagund (or: The Rebuilding of Finrod Felagund) - completed at 1.4k, Canon Non-Compliant, AmariëFinrod. There is an intimacy in putting your partner back together. Bit by bit, piece by piece. Proving that you know every inch of them, broken and whole.

the lonely mountain (or, the grief of gimli) - completed at 2.1k words, Canon Compliant, GimliLegolas. After their terrors in the Mines of Moria, Gimli takes time to grieve. Legolas finds him.

one year older, one year better - completed at 4.5k words, Canon Divergent, BilboThorin. Bilbo's first birthday in Erebor does not go the way he expected. Then again, things so rarely go the way Bilbo Baggins expects them to.

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

Life in an Autism World

[phoenixyfriend]

Political ads: My opponent has jacked up taxes every year since he was elected!

Me: Which taxes? Income? Sales? Property? Business?

Political ads: I promise to hold the line on taxes!

Me: Which taxes? What government programs do those taxes contribute to? What gets cut if the lack of taxation causes a deficit?

Political ads: Think about the taxes!

Me: WHICH TAXES. WHICH TAXES ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT. TELL ME WHO'S ACTUALLY GETTING AFFECTED BY THESE TAXES YOU'RE SO CONCERNED WITH.

Reminder to always ask what it is that people aren't saying in these ads.

A lot of them want you to think that it is your personal taxes as a working-class person that they're talking about. But if it's taxes on the rich that they're "holding the line on," then they're using your desire to survive with a greater portion of your own income as fuel to keep the upper classes from paying their fair share.

I keep getting the same three or four political ads (half aren't even for the district I live in) and I'm frustrated that they use these transparent tactics and that there are probably people that don't have the time or background to take that moment to go 'what are they hoping I hear in this? What are they actually going to do?'

[letters-to-rosie]

Palestinian Fundraisers Part 1

This is a list of Palestinians who have reached out to my inbox and asked for sharing their fundraisers! The list was getting pretty long, so I decided to go through and compile this not only for my own sake but to make sharing/donating simpler! Verifications are included where I could find them. I can't vet the posts myself, but I can share where others have.

@/mohammedaldeeb | fundraiser link | verification | €40k/€55k

@/hayanahed | fundraiser link | verification | €84k/€100k

@/save-ahmed-family1 | fundraiser link | €1.5k/€20k

@/mahmoud1995 | fundraiser link | verification | $14kUSD/$50kUSD

@/hadeelmekki | fundraiser link | verification | €15k/€35k

@/d-imtthal | fundraiser link | €5.5k/€50k

@/talafamily | fundraiser link | $5.9kCAD/$40kCAD

@/nisreensuhail | fundraiser link | verification | €5.8k/€50k

@/family-aya | fundraiser link | verification | €3.1k/€15k

@/smeernaif6 | fundraiser link | $1.4kAUD/$12kAUD

@/burningnightgiver & @/ahmed79ss | fundraiser link | verification | 11kCAD/50kCAD

@/ehabayyad23 | fundraiser link | €2.3k/€50k

@/freepaleatine95 | fundraiser link | verification | $7.8kUSD/$50kUSD

@/mo-shamia & @/moh-shamia | fundraiser link | verification | $62kUSD/70kUSD

@/bara-belal | fundraiser link | verification | $7.7kUSD/$50kUSD

@/familymajed2 | fundraiser link | verification | $24kCAD/$90kCAD

@/yousefjehad3 | fundraiser link | verification | $6.5KUSD/$15kUSD

@/ahmedomer9 | fundraiser link | verification | €2.2k/€50k

@/keensaladbanana | fundraiser link | possible verification | 5.6NOK/350kNOK

@/familyetaf1234567 | fundraiser link | €1.4k/€10k

~*~*~*~*~

@/eman-kha | fundraiser link | verification | $1.1kUSD/$40kUSD

@/heba-baker | fundraiser link | verification | €4.2k/€60k

@/karamalmadhoun0 | fundraiser link | verification | €16k/€20k

@/hala-15 | fundraiser link | verification | €2.9k/€5k

@/heno-blog | fundraiser link | verification | £15k/£50k

@/kareemalnakhala & @/samhslam | fundraiser link | verification | €8.5k/€80k

@/lamahourani7 | fundraiser link | verification | $1.7kUSD/$10kUSD

@/savepalestineinfamily19 | fundraiser link | verification | €6.8k/€50k

@/asmaamajed2 | fundraiser link | verification | $9.3kUSD/$50kUSD

@/salahaldinhorsblog | fundraiser link | verification | €5.7k/€40k

@/saveomarfamily | fundraiser link | $200USD/$35kUSD

@/osama-family | fundraiser link | £2.4k/£50k

@/mahmodsy | fundraiser link | verification | $1.6kUSD/$25kUSD

@/ahmed-mohammed1 | fundraiser link | verification | €5.7k/€30k

@/ezzaldeens-blog | fundraiser link | verification | €1.3k/€20k

@/ahmad-syam-blog | fundraiser link | verification | $3.3kCAD/$40kCAD

@/save-salam-family | fundraiser link | verification | €23k/€40k

@/wajihmadi | fundraiser link | €105/€50k

@/a6h16 & @/gaza-love100 | fundraiser link | €45/€49.2k

@/save-amal-family | fundraiser link | verification | €22k/€25k

~*~*~*~*~

@/ahmedmatatsblog | fundraiser link | €605/€64k

@/savesmahfamily | fundraiser link | possible verification | €300/€50k

@/severeninjanight | fundraiser link | verification | £2.4k/£50k

@/abedallhferwanagaza | fundraiser link | verification | €4.4k/€45k

@/kareeem-sd | fundraiser link | €2.1k/€50k

@/mones1998gaza | fundraiser link | $410USD/$20kUSD

@/shady0598767755123 | fundraiser link | €570/€50k

@/ahmadallouh32 | fundraiser link | €1.4k/€50k

@/mahmoudalmasrifund | fundraiser link | €180/€70k

@/mahaahmad11 | fundraiser link | verification | £5.3k/£81k

@/nadoosha-sd | fundraiser link | verification | $360USD/$25kUSD

@/abeeribrahims | fundraiser link | verification | $15kCAD/$70kCAD

@/abdelmutei | fundraiser link | verification | €12k/€25k

@/emanabosedo | fundraiser link | possible verification | $485USD/$50kUSD

@/sameh-mostafa20 | fundraiser link | verification | €10k/€30k

@/razan-1122 | fundraiser link | verification | $4.3kUSD/$50kUSD

@/mohammednasers-blog | fundraiser link | €4.1k/€38k

@/fatma-anqer | fundraiser link | verification | €7.7k/€20k

[identityquest]

a lot of folks have reached out to me, so I'd like to bring attention to their campaigns. please share and donate what you can, even a little bit can add up and go a long way!

• @amalashuor | gofundme | €24,334 of €30,000

• @mahmoud-sharif | gofundme | $5,549 of $60,000

• @ahmedpalestine | gofundme | €53 of €55,000

• @ehabayyad23 | gofundme | €746 of €50,000

• @amlanqar | gofundme | €6,828 of €50,000

• @samhderar | gofundme | €265 of €50,000

• @mayadayyad81 | gofundme | $33,124 of $35,000

• @noor678 | gofundme | $2,875 of $25,000

• @hmzamahamed3 | gofundme | €27,506 of €37,00

• @tahanibaby | gofundme | $18,533 of $50,000

• @samerpal | gofundme | kr114,826 of kr450,000

• @bilalblal | gofundme | kr2,453 of kr70,000

[ipostmysimpingstuffanonymously]

Hello! I love your art. I'm fan of ship SatoSho and I wanted ask you if you can draw the reaction of Satoru about Shoko's death

Maybe Sukuna find her and kill her in front of Satoru ¿?

This is not my fault, it's an ask, don't kill me

[fleetn-crab85]

woe, Monkees UQuiz be upon ye

[book-of-baba-fett]

✨ Ask Game: Anonymously Ask Me Anything About My Fics ✨

can be about one fic or all, wips, oneshots, ongoing series, major ocs or ocs that just appear once or twice

[peligin-eyed]

Cozy Tea-Themed OC Asks

English Breakfast: What is your OC’s morning routine?

Earl Grey: Does your OC like to read? What is their taste in books?

Darjeeling: Where does your OC feel most at home?

Oolong: How does your OC decorate their space?

Lapsang Souchong: If your OC was a scented candle, what would they smell like?

Chai: What is your OC’s comfort food/drink?

Pu-erh: What does your OC do when they’re stuck indoors for a day or two?

Green: What is your OC’s favorite piece of clothing?

Jasmine: Does your OC like flowers? Which type of flower is their favorite?

Matcha: What is your OC’s preferred little treat?

Lemon Balm: Does your OC have any bedtime habits or rituals?

Peppermint: How does your OC handle the cold?

Rooibos: What kind of lighting does your OC prefer? Dim, bright, moody, secret fourth thing?

Chamomile: What does your OC do to relax?

Ginger: What always brightens your OC’s day?

[cowboy-in-training]

goknbella

[felassan]

Dragon Age on YouTube live chat: "'We drift upon the echoes of the vast, eternal dream.' - Emmrich. 💜 Goodnight everyone, see you tomorrow!" [source]

The YouTube live chat info session draws to a close with a beautiful quote from Emmrich. :> the language reminds me of the "sea of dreams", "emerald waters of the Fade" imagery when it comes to the Fade. 😴

[ouroborosorder]

Guide Ahead Means Something To Me

Writing about Guide Ahead is…. extremely difficult, for a few reasons. One is that it is a very dense story, and to fully unpack it would require an essay so unfocused that it would be functionally unreadable. But the biggest one is that Guide Ahead is a story that focuses really heavily on the subjective nature of interpretation. How can I speak authoritatively on the thematic meaning of the plot when even a basic description of its events demands a deeper poetic interpretation?

The answer is “I can’t.” So, let’s piss off my English teacher, and coat an entire essay in the phrase “in my opinion.” Because I have to get personal if I’m going to tell you why Guide Ahead is my favorite video game story ever told.

I was raised Mormon. My mother was religious, but my father was absolutely not. You can understand why I related to Cecilia basically immediately.

Ultimately, the thing that draws me to Guide Ahead is the very thing that makes it hard to write about. Guide Ahead is, in my reading, a story about the subjectivity of divine meaning.

The most obvious manifestation, and the most important, is Law. But, Law’s execution, in traditional Arknights fashion, is kinda unclear, so I’ll recap for those who have hobbies outside of this, unlike me.

Law is the supercomputer buried underneath Laterano, and is the sentient religion that binds all the Sankta together into a hivemind of sorts. The Sankta are actually just Sarkaz connected to Law, given halos, wings, and empathic communication between each other. But, the main thing they gain, is a biological impulse to obey the Lateran religion’s thirteen doctrines. Anyone who breaks these doctrines are marked as Fallen, are cut off from the empathic connection, and slowly revert back to Sarkaz. Law represents religion as a concept and a community. Saints and sinners are just one and the same. But despite that, the laws of religion are created just to perpetuate the existence of a special in-group. One enforced by empathic connection they cannot share with anyone outside of them. That is Patia’s point - the Sankta have created an “us” and a “them,” and even the devout Liberi are not seen as “us.” They’re just converts, not real Sankta.

But, Falling has… weird grey areas. Like how Andoain was able to shoot Lemuen, or draw his gun on the fucking Pope, and not Fall in the process. This is because the doctrines are not actually the guidelines they’re held to. The Doctrines are subjective interpretations of the objective Law that they are all beholden to. That Law being “It must survive.” Law only is interested in the perpetuation of Itself, and, as a result, the continued existence of the Sankta as a societal structure.

This is the first and strongest example of what I mean when I say Guide Ahead is about meaning. Law says that the failure of religion is ultimately that religions supplant any subjective meanings with an “objective” meaning. But this “objective” meaning is just another person’s interpretation of the in-group’s best interest. Laws biologically programmed into the Sankta’s souls are revealed to be nothing but interpretation of Law’s interpretation of events.

People Fall not because they have broken a concrete law, but because Law… because the in-group has decided they did. Or when they broke the rules, they did something that’s good for the church. There is no objective laws within the Lateran religion, no matter what the machine is named. The system just declares sin when it deems worthy, and absolution when sin is a benefit.

It is this very hypocrisy that drives Andoain.

——————————————————————————————————

I remember being pulled aside at church one day. Everyone above 14 was given a sermon about the recent legalization of gay marriage. He said it was wrong, the church would never accept it. I asked him if it was like the time the church refused to give black people the Priesthood. He said this was different. I asked him how. He did not answer. I left and someone followed me out. He asked if I was okay. I told him whatever he was saying in there was not the teachings of any god that I know, and wasn’t the teachings of any god that loves me. I kept going to church after that, but deep down, I think I didn’t believe in it anymore. I didn’t feel like part of the community, I lost that reciprocation with my people. I just… began to think.

Andoain, as an antagonist, is defined by a search for meaning. He was the bishop of an Iberian church, and Iberia is doing pretty bad lately. His request for aid from Laterano was denied, and the message was clear to him. “You are one of us, but they are not.” But that answer just created a new question. Why? Why would those who claim faith and utopia as their ideals reject those who are suffering?

He searched for an answer in exile, and he didn’t find one. Instead, he found another story. The Sarkaz man who died in the watchtower to warn a town who hated him of an invading force. And this story made his question develop. Why would someone who is hated by everyone give their life to protect those very people? And why would those people then cry over the grave of someone they hated?

He had seen the realities of the Sarkaz and Sankta laid bare, but he couldn’t figure out the meaning behind it. He tells Cecilia these stories, knowing full well he doesn’t know what to make of them. I think he tells them to hope he finds the point partway through.

——————————————————————————————————

As much as I hate the Mormon church for dear god everything they’ve ever done holy shit look at them? My feelings are predictably complicated. Years later, my family fell upon hard times. I don’t want to say more than that for my own sake. We were struggling to even live. But… the church helped us. None of us gone to church for years, but they offered a hand. They gave us access to the Bishop’s Storehouse, gave us food and supplies for free, because we were starving. 

And yes, I know. I know they do this in an attempt at creating a false brotherhood in an effort to create a fascist sense of community. I have also read that part of Brothers Karamazov. I have also read Guide Ahead, come to think of it. But… Shit. Most of them tried to pretend we didn’t exist when we met them in the grocery store. And… they still helped us. In their eyes, I was Fallen.

But still, they saved us, and didn’t even ask for faith in return. I still can’t figure out why.

This is why I just… can’t see Andoain as a villain. I mean, yeah, he shot Lemuen, but even she doesn’t blame him for shooting his friends while holding the Stick That Makes You Shoot Your Friends. His entire goal is an attempt to sort through the cognitive dissonance between what the church tells him and what the church does. A dissonance that is, because of Law and the doctrines, innate to what the church is. An experience that should feel damn familiar to anyone who has spent time as an apostate. His plan is to simply confront the Pope about this hypocrisy, to get an answer, to find a meaning.

The answer he gets back is… It Must Survive. Law must survive. The in-group must survive. It doesn’t matter if we cry over the grave of the Sarkaz, because the Sarkaz would die for us. He searched for the answer to a question, the meaning of a statement. You are one of us. They are not. All this time, he searched for the meaning of those words, but in reality, those words were the meaning. That was all they ever had to say. He just needed to accept that.

…but if the in-group is all that mattered… why allow Mostima in Laterano? Why give her her position? She’s not needed for the survival of the in-group, the Law has deemed her an exile.

And… Why not Andoain?

Before he leaves, his gun is taken from him. A gun that, according to the church, has meaning. A meaning he takes as truth. He believes a part of him is left behind there. I don’t think he realizes it, but Mostima and Fiammetta are the question he left behind. They are Not Sankta, but yet they are accepted. And… I don’t know if there is a meaning to that. I still can’t figure out why.

——————————————————————————————————

For a long time, I missed those days spent in the community I had left. I would remember the things I left behind. The churchball basketball games we were destined to lose. The conversations held on the roof of the storage building behind the church. The scouting activities that were clearly an excuse to go bowling. The shitty halloween parties with the game where you ate donuts tied to a string hanging from a fishing pole. I missed it, for a time. I couldn’t help but look back.

Cecilia is searching for meaning to almost everything. When Andoain tells his stories to Cecilia, he tells her that he can’t find the meaning of them. That if there is meaning to be found, she’ll have to find it herself. So. She does.

Cecilia was faced with the same situation Andoain was obsessed with. But for her, it wasn’t hypothetical. She existed between Us and Them. She felt the pull between the community and the love and fun they represent, and the outsiders who were hated and rejected by the people around her. Society told her the meaning of her dual identity, the meaning behind each half, and then told her to choose. But… she’d experienced otherwise. She’d felt the kindness of the Sarkaz from the Pathfinders, and the hatred from the Church. She’d felt things that contradicted the meaning that she was told was true.

Her story isn’t just being forced to pick a side between the church or apostacy, it’s being forced to pick what meaning she ascribes to the world. Ultimately, that’s why her answer can only be her own. Your belief is… subjective.

And she answered… with a bell. A Sarkaz girl, bearing a halo, ringing a bell that has not been rung since the Sankta were still called Teekaz. A bell that once marked the beginning of the new era. A bell that carries the weight of a Sarkaz, hated by the place they called home. A bell that rings with the melody of a Sarkaz lullaby once sung by a Sankta. A bell that asserts her answer. She’s not Sarkaz, she’s not Sankta. She is Cecilia.

Everyone else finds their own subjective meaning within that action. Something as mundane as the ringing of the bell suddenly has more meaning than divine scripture.

No one else understood the nuance of what she said, but they understood parts of it. They understood what they wanted to. Those who know nothing of Lateran culture understand it as just… a beautiful welcome, celebrating the arrival of talks of peace. Most have their meaning determined by the church’s traditions. The pious see it as the beginning of a new era, whatever that signals to them. To the Church, it is that their talks will bring about a new era of peace. To the Pathfinders, it is a signal to begin their attack on Laterano to begin their new era.

There is so much meaning in that action, but in the end, it’s still just a fucking bell. There’s got to be hundreds, maybe thousands of them in Laterano. But this bell meant something more than the other bells. This bell had meaning, and that meaning made it divine.

This, to me, is what Guide Ahead has to say. That there is so much meaning to be found in something as mundane as a ringing bell. Within such a simple action, there is personal expression, liberation, the sound of change. And in all of this, there is the echoes of divinity, the echoes of faith, as if all of these things are, in themselves, divine.

——————————————————————————————————

When I left the church, I couldn’t help but look back, still tethered to a community who hated me. I think I wished I could stop looking back. I don't know if I realized I was.

In the end, everyone else looks back. They still have meaning to be found in Laterano. Andoain looks back, a part of his soul anchored there by the symbol he was told to believe in. Mostima looks back, knowing she’ll return just as she always does. Fiammetta looks back, because she refuses to let herself leave. Ezell looks back, unsure if he will be able to return home after what he has found.

But… Cecilia doesn’t. She has decided that she is not defined by the church, or the meaning they try to give her. She has decided to leave Laterano and see the world outside of it, to explore the world around her and find the meaning for herself.

And the last thing Cecilia does is... defined by ambiguous meaning. She sees Andoain walking in the sunset - and a word appears to her. The title of Martyr. A title she doesn’t understand the meaning or weight of, but that she feels is appropriate regardless. A title that, to other people, would mean something more. But to her, brings to mind the saints she heard of as a youth, a word her mother told her was important.

The story is ending, and they end it with an assertion. Cecilia is finding meaning, and others will find what they will within. Perhaps even she doesn't know all of it.

A while back, during a theater rehearsal, I suddenly remembered a conversation I had years before I left the church. I remembered speaking with my friends outside of the chapel after a sunday service. My friend said a sentence that has stuck with me ever since. “I don’t think science goes against God. I think God uses science and math. I think those things are holy, because they’re… what everything is made of.”

I remember looking around the rehearsal space and thinking that if science could be sacred, then… so is this moment, now. So is my time spent with the people I love. This is sacred. What I missed, what kept me looking back. It wasn’t the actual religion, but instead… just belonging to something. So… I stopped looking back. In that moment, however fleeting it was, I had found whatever it was I needed.

—————————————————————————————————

Look. You probably had a different interpretation of Guide Ahead. This story is just… So goddamn dense. There is so much there that I didn’t even touch on. For the love of god, I just did an analysis of Guide Ahead and didn’t even really discuss Fiammetta?? What kind of hack writer am I? (I just… couldn’t talk about her without being more personal than I am willing to be in public.)

If you have an interpretation that is different than mine, that’s great. I encourage you to hold on to it, and hold it close. That meaning is yours, and yours alone, and that’s a precious thing.

Because to me, what I found… is that very idea.

There is meaning to be found in anything - and a meaning that is yours, and yours alone. All you have to do is find meaning. and the idea that there is meaning to the world, that everything has meaning not because there is a “true” meaning to it, but because we find one there, because we put one there… that makes everything feel… divine, to me.

So… wherever you find meaning, you can find the divine.

You can find divinity in a ringing bell. In a terrible cactus tart. A carnival game you know how to beat. The promises of peace around a table. A cup of coffee. A city you hate. A community you love. A flower growing near a grave. A weapon you carry. A people you surround yourself with.

Those are all… holy to me.

And to me… that meaning is enough.

I hope yours is for you.

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

Autistic Traits I Struggle to Describe to Non-Autistic People

Neurodivergent_lou

[keferon]

I'm a beginner artist and I love how you draw Swindle. Baby needs more love and attention. Sorry for blowing up your motifs by spam liking Ur posts (⁠*⁠´⁠ω⁠｀⁠*⁠)

Ah thank you:3

But also, feel free to spam like all you want. I don’t really care about numbers, so I turned off notifs for likes and commentless reblogs. The only thing I see is when someone saying/adding something. Like replying or leaving funny tags or something like that.

[blaacknoir]

Hi, you recently reblogged a post about how Nanowrimo is not disallowing or disavowing AI because doing so is classist and ablist and in your tags suggested that you consider this "yikes."

Honestly, it kind of hurt my feelings as a person with a disability who occasionally uses AI as a disability aid. Let me explain.

I use AI frequently for word recall. I have ADHD- a lot of people do. Many people with ADHD, including myself, struggle with word recall. It can be extremely bad, but how bad it is day to day is variable, and not all people with ADHD struggle with this to the same degree. When my word recall is really bad, NLP's (Natural Language Processors) are practically tailor-made to find that exact word I need. As an example, I used AI to remind me just now about the term "Natural Language Processor," which, along with the term "machine learning," is frankly just a better description than AI for these tools. But I will continue using the term AI for convenience.

The fact that people do not imagine this sort of use in conjunction with AI IS a form of ablism. They immediately assume all use is infringing. If they actually talked to people with disabilities (who do use AI), they would discover these other uses, and perhaps the conversation could be elevated to a more constructive state instead of trying to make everyone who uses a tool feel "yikes" for using it. Many of us are extremely conscientious and well informed of the issues involved.

Consider that if someone has said something is ablist (or classist or any other -ist,) they just might have a point and that you should try to discover what that point is before assuming that it's fake. Don't take everything at face value, but don't dismiss it out of hand either. Listen to people who have differing opinions and try to get the nuances of the conversation.

When people think about AI being used in conjunction with writing and visual art, they only consider the egregious uses - which makes sense, as that is how AI is advertised; as a magic technology that solves ALL problems. But those egregious uses are not the only use of these tools. AI does not have to be a magic wand that replaces the creative process of an artist. I have given one example of such a use above, but I could list many more.

If your "yikes" is in regard to the ecological impact - I hope that the overzealous implementation of AI into everything takes the ecological facts into account and that is ammealorated, but please do not throw people with disabilities under the bus while trying to make buses less polluting.

//The only use of AI in this post was to help me remember the word Natural Language Processor - I know my tone is pretty formal and sometimes comes across as AI, but it's not.

Jeezly fucking crow, dude. It was a single-word comment. I hope you sent this to literally everyone else who commented in a similar manner.

I use AI frequently for word recall. I have ADHD- a lot of people do. Many people with ADHD, including myself, struggle with word recall. It can be extremely bad, but how bad it is day to day is variable, and not all people with ADHD struggle with this to the same degree. When my word recall is really bad, NLP's (Natural Language Processors) are practically tailor-made to find that exact word I need. As an example, I used AI to remind me just now about the term "Natural Language Processor," which, along with the term "machine learning," is frankly just a better description than AI for these tools. But I will continue using the term AI for convenience.

I also have ADHD. I also struggle with word recall. You know what I do? I google things. I use dictionary and thesaurus websites. I use OneLook, which suggests associated words, similar words, and similar concepts.

Not everyone who uses AI is stealing from artists, no, but it's well known that AI does scan people's art--almost always without their consent--to generate pieces. It's also been seen around places like AO3, scraping fics from unlocked accounts.

Personally, I dislike the implication that disabled (or poor--that's what "classist" means here) people are incapable of writing without an AI generating something for them. I've written 100k+ words on AO3, and all of them are mine. I've talked to friends, I've written parallel fics, I've rewritten my own stories, but those words are mine. I wrote them. A disabled person. To imply that I need AI to do that pisses me off.

And believe it or not, my primary dislike of AI isn't ableist or classsist or whatever. (I'm not even against all forms of AI! I understand that in some fields, analyitical AI is quite helpful--I've read that it's great at finding breast cancer, for example.) My primary beef with AI, especially generative AI like ChatGPT is the fact that:

It will just lie to you. It will just make up things. There are people who have used it in court cases (it didn't work), and there are people using it to write books--everything from cookbooks to mushroom identification guides. (Guess what amateurs need expert help with when they're starting out? You know, so they don't die?) It's also happened with animal care guides. AI doesn't need to be used in a generative context at all.

There is also a massive environmental impact that I rarely, if ever, see talked about.

[demilypyro]

Okay since this doesn't seem to want to go away here's me addressing every single "allegation" that I've heard about. I hope to have at least given a good explanation where the horrible things being said about me came from, and why I consider them either just totally not true or badly misconstrued. Some of my friends have recommended I don't say anything at all, but I've always preferred openness and honesty, so I hope that's appreciated.

I understand that some people will still dislike me even though the things being said about me are not true. That's fine. I don't need everyone to like me, but it's when I'm being consistently harassed and lied about that it interferes with my mental health and ability to work. So I'm gonna try and end things with this.

"She's racist"

From what I can tell this is about one time when I said I keep my interest in anime to myself around new people. I do this because showing you're a Huge Fucking Nerd right off the bat can make a bad impression. I could have said the same thing about Star Trek or comic books, I just happened to be talking about anime in that moment. Someone seems to have misconstrued this as me finding Japanese culture something shameful and lesser than other cultures?... Which I would call a total willful misinterpretation. The rest of this seems to stem just from being Dutch, because the Netherlands is a country that has a problem with xenophobia. This is true, but uhhh I'm mixed myself so I'm pretty well aware of that, and I obviously don't support our infamous "blackface holiday." Just because I live here doesn't mean I agree with everything this country does, be that historically or in the modern day.

"She's friends with racists/misogynists/transphobes"

The only thing I can guess this is about is when I was mutuals with a user called porko-rosso at least 5 years ago and didn't really believe it when people told me they were a bigot. I haven't interacted with this user in over 4 years but people still claim we're like best friends, which was never true in the first place, we just knew a lot of the same people. Most of the resentment from the people who repeatedly spread these rumours about me seems to have started here. So for the record: no, I am not friends with any racists, misogynists or transphobes.

"She thinks she's better than other trans women because she passes better"

This is just not true. This idea seems to pop up just whenever I post about enjoying the benefits of HRT or surgery, but most recently this was misconstrued from a post where I said being trans is about being yourself as much as possible. Since this was in response to someone saying that me trying to pass is "erasing my identity", people thought I meant trying to pass is the same as being good at being trans, which was not what I meant, but some people didn't seem to want to believe me when I clarified. My apologies for the misunderstanding I guess, but that's all it was. So no, I do not hate people who don't pass as well as I do, nor do I think all trans people should be transitioning medically, and I resent the implication.

"She has a secret discord server where she makes fun of pictures of other trans women and calls them slurs"

I had absolutely no clue what this was about when I first heard it. I was sent screenshots that supposedly prove this but all they show is me being rude about someone's appearance one time in january of 2022. I actually thought these were faked because I don't remember this happening and the things said confused me, but one of my friends says she found it was in her server, where she had showed a picture of someone and asked everyone present (mostly other trans women) if they were hot. Apparently I did not think they were hot. So yes, I did insult someone's appearance back in january 2022, but it was an isolated incident. Frankly even I find my remarks in these screenshots distasteful, I don't know what I was on when I wrote that stuff. I'm sorry to that person specifically. What I said has weighed heavily on me and I apologize for it. It's not something I approve of, and don't intend to repeat that mistake. Still, to say it means I hate trans women and I love to make fun of them in my secret discord server and call them slurs is just... a super-villain level of exaggeration. I didn't even know about the word that was named as an example. It's not true.

"She's often rude"

I can't deny this one. Autism gonna autism. I've seen many therapists, doctors, experts, what have you, to try and help me with this, but it seems my particular brand of autistic in combination with the cultural differences between mine and other countries just really often ends with my foot in my mouth when I speak English. I apologize! I have never meant to personally offend anyone. It just keeps happening and I can't stop it from happening.

If after reading all this, you still consider me bad enough to hate my guts, I can't stop you, but I wanted to have at least had my say. I swear that everything in this post is the honest truth as I understand it, and that I've never acted with purposeful malicious intent.