#feel free to disagree. just remember that i am small

[cvnntagious]

Leave 'Em Alone | C. Sturniolo

"I can't leave 'em alone / Try to change my ways, but the dope boy turnin' me on." -Quality Control

pairing : Dealer!Chris x Fem!reader

summary : You find yourself running to Boston's local dealer the second he says he needs you, despite the various warnings you've been given about him.

warnings : use of y/n, swearing, mentions + use of drugs (marijuana only), "sneaky" link, SMUT, p in v, missionary, unprotected sex, oral (fem receiving), dirty talk, pet names (princess/good girl/baby), spanking, denying orgasms, SUPER ROUGH 18+

a/n : this's a lot longer than intended so settle in. this's my first tumblr fic, feel free to give me constructive criticism! also, the name for your older sister's random, but you can just ignore it if you don't like it

-love, your grandma cvnty ☆!

★━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━★

"You're not even listening, are you?" Your sister asked from beside you, causing your eyes to flick from the nail tech in front of you to her.

You shook your head. "I am! I am, it's just-- I'm almost 19 now, I think I can handle him," You replied, shrugging slightly before reminding yourself not to move too much.

"It's just not healthy," She disagreed in a hushed tone before lifting her freshly manicured nails to her face to get a closer look, "Oh, sorry! Can I get one more layer of polish on the left?" She asked the nail tech nicely before looking back at you. "Does he tell you he loves you? 'Cause that'd be a boldfaced lie." Your sister questioned disapprovingly.

You pulled your nails from the curing light, placing them on her lap to let her see as you gave a sweet 'Thank you' to your nail tech. "No, Avery. I'm not dumb. It's... casual," You said simply as your sister smiled at the acrylics you showed her.

"No, of course not! He is, though."

"Come on, don't be like that. Just because you don't like him doesn't mean he's dumb."

"He was this close not graduating with our class. You do remember that, don't you? You were only a grade below." Avery raised an eyebrow at you before letting out a quick chuckle, "I mean, hell, he almost didn't even graduate with his brothers. How embarrassing..."

You couldn't help but chuckle with her, rolling your eyes lightheartedly, "Can we just be done talking about Chris for now? I'm tired of it." You sighed dramatically, "We haven't even seen each other in, like, two weeks."

"Fine," Your sister shrugged reluctantly as she took her hands out of the curing light, thanking her nail tech like you had done minutes before. Avery held her hands up to you as the two of you stood up from the salon chairs, showing you her nails while you grabbed your phone off of the seat.

You gasped, smiling as you grabbed her hands to draw them in for a closer look. "I'm obsessed," You squealed, looking up with a toothy grin, "I should've gotten a design or something too!"

Avery laughed, reaching down to grab her purse once you'd let go of her hands. "Why didn't you? You usually do," She asked as the two of you walked up front to pay.

You only gave her a quick shrug, ignoring the text that had popped up on your phone. "I wanted to keep it simple this time, I guess." Avery nodded in acknowledgement as the two of you stopped at the front, reading the bill given to you two for $130. Your older sister began opening up her purse, only for you to gently move her out of the way, apple pay already open.

"I got it," You said simply, holding your phone up to the machine in front of you until you heard the ding that let you know the transaction was approved. Avery stood behind you in confusion before you turned to look at her, giving her a small, close-lipped smile. "Don't worry, it's not my money."

Avery's confused expression somehow twisted into an even more confused one, her eyebrows knitted together. "Who's is it then?" She asked curiously as she followed you out of the salon.

You turned to look at her, a timid tilt of your head as you pretended to think about it. "Chris'," You answered hesitantly, your voice a little quieter than intended.

"Oh my gosh, Y/n, you just said you haven't seen each other in weeks," Avery sighed, closing her eyes and pinching the bridge of her nose in distress.

"But I never said we hadn't texted," You whined, looking back down at the phone in your hand to see three new messages had popped up while on silent. You sighed, looking back up at her, "Look, I love you so much, and I'm glad we got to spend some time together again, but I have to be somewhere soon," You said, leaning in to give your sister a kiss on the cheek before she could respond, "Text me later, yeah?"

━★

You opened the unlocked front door and stepped inside, the smell of weed and the sound of 'Red Roses' by Lil Skies filling your senses; Both only getting stronger with each step you took into the house. You heard voices coming from the kitchen under the music, causing you to follow them through the progressively thickening cloud of smoke until you stopped in the doorway, knocking on it lightly to get his attention.

Chris instantly looked up from the clear bag of dried leaves in front of him, tossing the purple-green nug he had in his hand back into it as his serious expression turned into a cocky smirk. He look the lit blunt from his mouth and put it out in the ashtray on the table, turning his attention from you to the man holding two bags of weed just like the one Chris previously took his hand out of. "You got everything you need?" He asked, looking up at the tall man for an answer.

"I believe so," He replied, adjusting the baseball cap on his bald head.

"Good, then get out," Chris said simply, no aggression in his tone as he rounded the table to walk closer to you.

"We were gonna-"

"Look man, my girl's here - I haven't seen her in a minute. I'll hit you later," Chris cut him off, his words rolling off his tongue so casually. You were well aware he'd called you 'his girl'.

The man only nodded, as if he had an underlying understanding of what was going on. He grabbed his belongings off the table, still holding the bags of weed as Chris counted hundreds quietly beside you, the paper ruffling. Chris folded the money and shoved it in his back pocket once the man was close enough to dab up, the two patting each others backs with quick goodbyes before he'd made his way out of the front door.

With that, Chris looked back at you, the same cocky smirk from earlier appearing on his face. He instantly wrapped his arms around your waist, drawing you closer. "You done ghosting me randomly or what?" Chris asked, teeth peeking through his smile, his first words to you since you'd entered his house.

"Where's Matt and Nick?" You ignored his question, peering over Chris' shoulder as you reached up to dangle your arms off of them.

"Away." He answered, licking his sharp canine as he chuckled at your dismissiveness, "They're never home when I deal."

You hummed, your eyes finding their way back to Chris' blue eyes, dimmed by the glossy red of the THC in his system. "Are you done being so difficult?" You finally asked in retort.

"Difficult?" He echoed in a teasing tone, leaning in to attach his lips to the warm skin of your neck, pushing your hair back, "Awh, when have I ever?" His warm breath fanned your neck as he spoke.

Your head instinctively moved to the side to give him more access, feeling his wet lips sucking gently. Once he pulled back, you brought your right hand up to press your thumb on his bottom lip, looking into his eyes. "Did you get what I wanted?" Chris asked, reaching up to grab your wrist gently and look at the wine red acrylics on your fingers.

He chuckled, planting a tender kiss on your knuckles, "Oh, so you are a good girl after all?" He looked up into your eyes again, "Just wanted to be a little bratty? See if I care?"

You huffed, rolling your eyes at him, "Maybe I did. What about it?"

Chris shook his head, giving you a quiet click of his tongue, "Nothing about it," He answered to your surprise, "M'gonna make up for lost time, yeah?" He added, almost whining before capturing your lips in a wet kiss, turning you so your back was against the door frame as he held your chin between his fingers. His hands slid down your body, stopping at your waist to hold you in place as he slid his tongue between your lips, exploring the inside of your mouth as if it were new territory.

After a few moments, Chris pulled away from your guys' heated makeout, lifting you up and slinging you over his shoulder. "Chris!" You yelled, pure shock in your voice as he began carrying you up the stairs of his house, your hands gripping the back of his black t-shirt.

He shushed you, a low chuckle causing your body to shake on top of his shoulder a little, "I got you," He assured you, not stopping until he made it to his bedroom, plopping you down onto the middle of his bed. You looked up at him, planting your hands behind you on his mattress to hold yourself up as he walked to his light, dimming it before pulling his phone out to play a more intimate song on the speaker just below the two of you.

He walked back over to the bed, grinning widely. As soon as he was close enough, he climbed onto his bed, kicking his shoes off as he towered over you on his knees. He reached down to caress your awestruck face, unable to speak. You'd wanted this for weeks, despite all the things your sister and friends have said to convince you otherwise. Why couldn't you just leave him alone?

Before you knew it, Chris had you stripped down to your underwear, smirking at the sight of the red thong you'd put on to match the nails you'd get soon after and the slightly darker dampened patch around your core. He hummed as he bent down before you, "How cute," He said simply before placing a gentle kiss on the patch, causing you to clench around nothing. "You wan' me eat that pussy like it's ice cream, hm?" He licked up your clothed slit, feeling his warm tongue through the thin fabric.

It didn't take long for him to remove your thong too, sucking light red marks down your inner thighs agonizingly slow as you watched his every move in silence. "Got nothing to say?" He asked, finally kissing you where you needed him most, the slick on your folds making the middle of his lips wet, "Don't worry, you will." With that, his tongue dropped from his mouth to slide up your slit, stopping to swirl around your clit.

You sucked in a sharp breath, and he lifted his head to meet your eyes, licking his lips to savor your taste before he wrapped his arms around your thighs, pulling you into him, "Taste so good." His thumbs reached down to part your lower lips, the start of his ruthless attack on your clit. His tongue swirled and sucked, occasionally lapping to slip into your hole. You couldn't help the moans and whines that left your mouth as your head finally rested on his mattress, eyes screwing shut as your jaw remained slack. A knot formed in your stomach and the sound of him slurping your juices filled his room before he flattened his tongue, shaking his head back and forth to elicit strained moans from you, your back lifting off his bed.

Chris could feel your legs start to tremble beneath him, letting him know you were close. Just as your orgasm was about to crash into you, your hands gripping the blankets beside him so hard that your knuckles turned white, Chris pulled away,* "Chris!" You whined at the way he'd left you a trembling mess in his arms.

Chris licked his lips, reaching up to wipe the mix of saliva and slick off of them, "Knew you'd have something to say," He said gruffly, "Sit up," He demanded before pulling his t-shirt over his head.

You did as he said, pushing yourself onto your knees in front of him. Chris continued stripping, pulling his belt out of the loops to drop his pants and toss them off the bed beside him, revealing the aching tent in his boxers he'd been hiding. You swallowed hard at the sight, not paying attention to the way he gauged your reaction. "Let me see those pretty nails I paid for," He said after your guys' moment of silence, reaching down to grab your wrist and bring it up to the bulge.

He shivered when you outstretched your fingers, caressing his clothed tip as you looked into his eyes. He gave you a semi-nervous chuckle to hide the moan he wanted to let out, not willing to give up his pride like that with you just yet. He could handle a simple touch, he knew he could. "Gonna need a pic of this," He said, reaching down beside him and grabbing his phone.

"What?" You asked, pulling your hand away in embarrassment.

"Princess," He said lowly, reaching out to grab your hand and pull it to him again, "Just one picture." He assured quietly, snapping the pic with his flash on as soon as your hand met his length, the red nails a nice contrast to the dark gray boxers that almost (but not completely, if you look close enough) hid his arousal.

As soon as he'd gotten what he wanted, he threw his phone on the floor next to his pants with a loud bang, practically pouncing on you to attach your lips to your neck. "M'gonna fuck you so good," He said breathlessly as he hooked his fingers under the waistband if his draws, pulling them down effortlessly as he plopped you onto the bed beneath him, your head meeting the pillow just below the headboard.

His fully erect length hit his stomach as he looked down at your soaked core, his fingers caressing the outside. Just then, it hit him, making him quickly pull his hand up from between you two. "A condom would be handy," He explained his sudden jolt, beginning to lift himself.

You grabbed the back of his arms, stopping his movements. "No condom," You said softly.

"Y/n, not sure if my pull out-" He started, pausing when he saw the serious expression on your face. He clicked his tongue, laughing as he shook his head, "If I didn't know any better, I'd think you out here tryna be my wifey," Chris teased, lining himself up with your entrance.

He rubbed his tip against your cunt a few times, groaning as he pressed himself inside of you slowly. Your jaw went slack and you eyes clenched shut again when you felt him filling you up, his angled dick and mushroom tip brushing your insides just right. Chris hummed at the feeling of you already clenching around him, waiting for you to adjust.

It wasn't long before he pulled back slowly, snapping his hips into you for the first time tonight. With all his sensual words earlier, you'd half expected him to be gentle, but boy were you wrong. He began bucking his hips into you relentlessly, not even easing into the rough fucking. Each deep stroke forced a moan out of you, Chris grunting above you. He slowed for a moment, lifting your legs over his shoulders to get better access to your cervix before shoving his tip into it.

You clawed at his back with your new acrylics as strained noises flew out of your mouth, your back arching off of his bed once more. You began trembling again, causing Chris to mock your moans. "Oh, oh! You want it so bad," He teased, a smile tugging on his lips as he squinted his eyes at you. "Mm, fuck, Chris! Chris, give it to me," He continued on.

He smacked the side of your thigh, causing you to gasp, "Say it, Y/n," He said, spanking you again, this time rubbing the red print he'd left, "Say you want it."

"I want it," You whined out, almost unable to catch your breath as he fucked into you so hard that the headboard crashed against the wall, "I need it."

"Oh, you need it?" He asked, feigning a pout before somehow thrusting into you harder, groaning through his teeth. Then, he stopped.

"You're not getting it yet." He pulled out quickly.

wc : 2.7k !

[not-that-syndrigast]

Is the grid a friend group?

Short answer; no. But we are here to analyze and discuss, so let's figure out why not and what else the grid can be described as.

In a friend group, you pretty much choose who's a part and who isn't, something that's not possible in F1 where team principals and other higher ups decide who is in the group and who is not. It's also too big to be a proper friend group and too forced.

If you want to describe the F1 grid, I would compare it to a class. It fits not only from the size, but also the set up; the people in a class cannot decide either who is in said group, instead they are forced to spend time with these people and there's smaller groups within. To strengthen the comparison, i'd argue the teammate lineups are similar to seating neighbors; a small bit of mutual liking is needed for things to work out but generally you can't really choose, at least I don't let my students choose.

This can also be used to talk about dynamics on the grid and I would assume makes it easier for some of you to understand that while they aren't necessarily close friends, they all know each other in some way because they are forced to.

I would like to make three examples though;

Oliver Bearman joining the grid and being supported by multiple experienced drivers makes sense, they’ve all been there and even if they aren’t in the same team or even close, they all made sure he felt welcomed and as a part of the group.

Lando Norris and Carlos Sainz becoming friends. Usually I am not a big fan of the assumption that everyone who are teammates are friends, just like how you aren't friends with everyone you ever sat next to but were just forced to talk because there was no one else. These two met each other like that though and became real friends like it sometimes is.

Charles Leclerc and Carlos Sainz, arguably the relationship why I've spent some time to even think about this. A lot of people claim their friendship is only PR, they are not friends and only talk for cameras, but i think it's more difficult than that. Unlike Sainz and Norris, they didn't hit it off instantly and became great friends, but I do still think that they talk, even if only because they are forced to spend time together in the garage. With Sainz leaving, it's interesting. Even if they weren't proper best friends the way Sainz and Norris were, it's still sad and weird to not be close to someone anymore.

Another thing that made this come up again was the recent grill the grid episode, where Norris didn't remember Ocon which proves my point that they aren't a friend group. There's videos of them talking, they know each other, but they are in completely different smaller friend groups on the grid. In the end it's not that deep, Norris forgetting Ocon isn't him bullying Ocon out but simply proves that they aren’t best friends.

It is important to mention though that I do not know these people and it's only observations and interpretations based on my own experiences with class and friendship dynamics. Like always, if someone disagrees or feels the need to share their opinion, I'm free to hear anyone out.

Also; drivers forgetting the names of other drivers they are supposed to be friends with isn’t that deep either. Today i accidentally called my best friend of seven years the name of my cat, it's really not that deep.

[anfie-in-the-box]

Rest for both wicked and weary

Notes

The eleventh of October is my birthday, but no congratulations needed — I only celebrate by gifting things to other people. Please have this piece dedicated to @dragon-tamer-1, who I value endlessly. The prompt was Error and Dream relaxing peacefully; I'm not sure if it's particularly fluffy, there's definitely some angst here, but even more Hurt/Comfort.

。。。

Dream prepares for his visit to the Anti-Void painstakingly. He wears clothes of soft gray shades, only leaving the tiara and the cape untouched, so it doesn't bother Error's weak eyesight yet has enough colour to attract his attention. Then Dream gets a cane — in the Anti-Void, vast and ever-changing, you don't believe your eyes; you stay vigilant and keep your step light, weightless almost. Luckily, Dream isn't a normal skeleton, he just has a body of one; and even that can be corrected with the right training. Or just experience, he supposes; oh, how he used to shamble around, making Error laugh, before he realised he could use a cane. Like a blind being, only he is indeed blind in the Anti-Void, like all not-errors are. He's a stranger there, and since he can't become an error, an unwelcome one.

Dream sighs, putting on thin gloves, just in case. He's ready now. 

It takes time to focus properly — the Anti-Void is utterly chaotic, constantly rebuilding itself, and full of creatures beyond comprehension. Some of them are capable of feeling, some aren't, some feel but so differently Dream is left confused — he's too used to his empathic abilities. 

But eventually, finally, he finds the right being. So he teleports. 

Error instantly spots him, even though Dream appears behind him. He might be half-blind with that poor eyesight of his, but his intuition is impeccable — at least when it comes to beings with souls, which Dream is. 

"I was waiting for so long," Error complains, irritated. "How many tries did it take to find me?" 

"Just one," Dream smiles widely. "It took more time, but I managed to find you in one try." He knows he sounds very proud of himself, but that's okay. With Error, he's allowed to feel and think unapologetically. Error, though he demands attention, lets Dream go just as easily. And besides, they teach each other many things — Error knows how to be selfish very well indeed and learns from Dream how to be more empathetic and considerate.

They work together quite nicely.

Lost in his pride, Dream forgets to use the cane and immediately trips and falls — not right on his face though — there are blue strings keeping him airborne. He giggles awkwardly and says, "Thanks." 

"Yeah, yeah, tell me how great I am." Error doesn't turn around but Dream knows he grins. He can't help smiling in return. 

"You can put me down now, you know," Dream half-suggests, half-asks while wiggling slightly to try and untangle himself without Error's help. Tough luck. 

"As if you could escape on your own!" Error gloats. "I hold the entire universes, a small guardian like you doesn't stand a chance!" 

"Yet Ink manages," Dream disagrees carefully. 

"That cheater doesn't have a soul. You do." 

Now that's something Dream hasn't pondered over. Not right now either — as soon as Error sets him free, he scurries to his blue bean bag chair — this time using the cane, of course, — and sits down — lies down almost. It's warm and soft. Cozy. So big it's more of a bed than a chair; which might as well be true, there's nothing else here resembling a bed, and Dream knows for sure Error loves sleeping.

"Where did you even get your bean bag from?" Dream asks, ready to hear it's stolen like chocolate from Underfell and the lives of innocents from any other AU. 

Error doesn't reply instantly. Dream even considers standing up and looking Error in the sockets to see what's wrong, but then he finally says, "I actually don't remember. Like it's always been there, maybe even before me."

Who knows, it might be true. The Anti-Void contains and loses all sorts of creatures, after all. 

Error sounds distressed like he always is when his memory acts up, so Dream hurries to roll closer and asks, "A pinkie?" 

"A hand," Error replies, every sound of a single word glitching. 

Dream gives him a bare hand — he still hasn't found gloves tender enough to pacify Error's glitching fits. For some reason it's easier for him to touch Dream's bones than any fabric they'd tried. 

Perhaps it's time to ask if Error has any idea why. When he gets better, of course. Hopefully it doesn't last long.

Dream squeezes Error's hand and gets a squeeze in return. At least he's conscious and not rebooting…

"You feel… different. There's more, er, something other than magic in you. Magic in skeleton-monsters or even monsters in general is more solid than whatever you're made of. Not even ghosts are anything like you." Error explains. 

"Positivity," Dream clarifies. "I'm made of positity. Not entirely, my bones are just that — magical bones; but even those are covered with positive energy. And my eye-lights, my insides, my attacks are all pure positivity." 

"Well, that explains it," Error shrugs. "You're basically so much of a sunshine it overwhelms my phobia and cancels it. As much as it can be canceled, I suppose." 

"Does it really help though? My presence, my… touch?" Dream pauses before the last word, feeling all warm yet uncertain. 

He knows it does. And knows Error knows he knows. But hearing the answer and believing it are two different states of mind. Dream's yet to reach the second one. 

And so Error answers absolutely honestly, "It does."

The two of them then sit together, still holding hands, resting in peace and quiet.

Later Error might or might not steal a book or a few and make Dream read to him, and Dream will read, silently reminiscing about the days of old, when his brother was alive but not happy, not since the villagers came to be. He loved the books though, and loved reading them to Dream, though the little guardian of positivity was beside the Tree less and less, helping the villagers where he could, and then where he couldn't but still did, because people demanded. The memories are bittersweet, and even later Dream will share a few with Error, and Error will listen attentively, and then share his own foggy memories of the past, full of inconsistent and even missing bits.

"A hug and a trip to that version of Outertale I found?" Error asks suddenly. 

"Sounds like a plan," Dream beams. Error rarely requests hugs but that just makes them even more precious to the guardian of positivity. 

So they stand up — Error effortlessly, Dream's with a bit more difficulty, he's not exactly used to furniture like Error's bean bag, — and embrace. 

"Is the texture of my clothes still good?" Dream asks when they let go of each other. 

Error nods, grinning, "Perfect, as I deserve."

"Glad to hear that. Outertale?" 

"Yeah. It's unlike most of the AUs where some people manage to evacuate. True genocide, nobody left. You won't feel a thing, not a single grieving or furious soul," Error looks at Dream with pride. 

"That's… really smart, actually." Dream says thoughtfully. "Nothing to make me stronger, but also nothing to make me weaker or attract Corrupted." 

"Of course it's smart. It was my idea after all." Error boasts and opens a portal. "You first." 

Dream smiles at him and makes his first step into outer space. He's not afraid; he won't be alone in its solitude. 

。。。

Notes

Lots and lots of headcanons here!

Anti-Void being full of non-existent things, Dream's true nature peaking through his skeleton form... It was really nice to finally share those.

Also very proud of the title choice here. It came to me naturally. I instantly knew — that's it. As perfect as anything in this world can be.

[softly-potter]

Blacksun Week - Day Three

Day three submission for Blacksun week ☀️

@fromshadowstosun

Prompt: unspoken word

Word count: 788

Warning: depictions of depression

-

"Blake."

Blake looks up, blinking out of her blank stare and shifts, her back stiff. Sun is starring at her from across the table, his hands tented and his chin is pressed against his fingers.

"Sorry, what did you say?" Blake whispers and her throat feels like its been run over a few times. 

Don't say it.

He drops his hands and instead of speaking, offers her a small smile before his attention moves back to his cereal. They both know what he was going to say; they both know it's better that he doesn't.

Standing, she gingerly takes her mug to the sink, and when she passes him, he grabs her wrist. She shuts her eyes because she knows if she looks at him, she'll crack. Her ribcage will splinter and every word she's ever thought, every emotion of hate and desperation and love and anger will spill out of her like spools over ribbon.

"Baby." Sun whispers and his voice nicks her heart, chipping at it's walls. She tugs her arm free, and empties the contents of her mug into the sink before she stalks to her room, making herself close the door gently instead of slamming it. He doesn't deserve any of it, but especially not her anger.

As she settles herself on the edge of the bed, she strains to hear his movements. His spoon clangs against his bowl before she hears the chair scrap against the floor as he stands, his footsteps light in the kitchen. Blake presses her knuckles to her mouth as she tugs her knees to her chest and listens, her eyes fluttering shut as his footsteps pad down the hall, and pause before her door.

"I'm headed to class," Sun says through the door, his voice slightly muffled. Right, class. When was the last time she attended one? She can't remember. How she was supposed to just bounce back from the Ever After to a normal life is beyond her, yet the answer is so simple; she couldn't.

"Want me to bring you something when I get back?" He asks when she doesn't respond, and Blake shifts, distracts herself by picking lint from her leggings.

"No." she says, but her voice is quiet and she doesn't know if he can hear her. She waits for the sound of his footsteps, and cringes when she hears the doorknob turn instead.

"Blake," Sun says, his face laced with a mixture of concern and optimistic expectation, and it makes Blake's skin shiver. "I just..."

Don't say it, please.

"I'm worried," Sun says, dodging the statement they both dread. "about you, and this. you can't...hole up."

"There's nothing for you to worry about." Blake sighs, turning over to her back. She stares at the ceiling, at its dingy colors and realizes she never painted her bedroom the way she wanted to.

She hears Sun huff and imagines him crossing his arms. "My girl’s got survivor’s guilt and that's not right."

Blake shoots up straight, her swishing around her shoulders as she glares at him. "I'm not your girl."

"Uh huh." Sun grunts, his nostrils flaring and she knows he wants to disagree. Blake balls her fists.

"I'm not. I am nothing to you, got it?" She seethes, her anger palpable. She wants to scream, to tear at her hair until it breaks, cut into her skin until it bleeds and suddenly she's not sure she even wants to continue breathing.

Suns mouth twists into a sad expression and she watches as his fingers flex in their gloves. "Blake, I lo-"

"Don’t.” she snaps, and her voice shakes. She blinks rapidly before she turns away, surprised by the sudden tears. When was the last time she'd had enough energy to cry?

"Blake." He tries again, softer this time.

"Sun," Blake retorts, her tone matching his. "Don’t, okay? You'll break us if you do."

She glances at him just in time to see him nod, and then he's walking so quickly that she barely has time to register his proximity. He cups her face with both hands, blue eyes staring for so long it makes her shiver.

Dropping his head, Sun kisses her softly on the cheek, and whispers. "Alright."

He lets go of her face and heads for the door. Blake's skin is flushed where his mouth had been, and she presses her icy fingers' to the spot as if that'll warm her extremities. Glancing over his shoulder, he offers her a sad smile, saying all the things she can't bear to hear.

I love you.

She tries to smile back but it's perplexing and feels out of place on her face, so she gives him a soft nod.

I love you too.

[thatuselesshuman]

How I get shit done in a way that works

For reference: I have many illnesses (some that now force me to use a cane in the short term) and autism

So I was cleaning my room today and I realized that I have a process of getting things done that may help some people, so here I am sharing it on ye ol Tumblr. Feel free to comment on it, disagree, add advice, and generally just yap cause I am in no way a professional

Anyways...

Step One: The most important step

As the title says, this is the most important step. This step starts with putting on a banger playlist or an audio book or anything that'll get you in the zone. This is important cause if it's not a vibe I'm not gonna do it.

The second part of this step is knocking out the easiest thing that'll make the most difference. Using me cleaning my room as an example, I packed up the large pile of clothes I have to donate that was covering a lot of my floor. It only took like five minutes and it made my room look a lot less messy. This is important because I typically have a hard time starting a project because I think of all of the things I have to do, the time it'll take, and I'll get overwhelmed and just not do it. Knocking something out that makes the task seem way less daunting and therefore allows me to start.

Step Two: Break it up

The next step is to break up the rest of your tasks into small but not menial tasks. Using the same example, I broke up my room into: pick up shoes, pick up dirty clothes, pick up trash, put shoes into the shoe cubby, put away any other miscellaneous items, hang up clothing, and vacuum. These tasks are doable but still make a difference in the cleanliness of my room, which motivates me to get to the next task. If the task is too small, it seems daunting to the rest because you can't see them making a difference. If the task takes too long, you'll quickly get discouraged because the amount of time it could take to do the rest seems like forever.

Step Three: Give yourself grace

I lied, this may be the most important step. After every task, you have to allow yourself to quit if you want to. Even if you only get the first step done, you must allow yourself to quit if you feel the need. If you force yourself to keep chugging on despite being overstimulated, tired, etc, then the task may get done in the short term but you'll be way less likely to ever even start next time. If you get overwhelmed after the first step, then that's fine. You can try again tomorrow or in an hour or two. Forcing yourself isn't the answer.

Plus, I find that after I get into the swing of things, I don't want to quit. Very rarely do I find myself quitting after the first, second, or even third step. Sure, occasionally I'll have a rough day and I'll quit early on, but then I'll just try again. Living in your body isn't a 100 meter dash, it's a marathon, which means you can't go 100% the entire race or else you'll never finish.

Step Four: Reward yourself

Once you accomplish your goal, reward yourself. It doesn't have to be anything big. For example, after I finished cleaning I rewarded myself by making my favorite dish for dinner. When you reward yourself, it allows yourself to feel accomplished and happy with the outcome. You'll remember that feeling next time, which will make it all the more easier to start.

TL;DR: You got this! You've gotten this far. You've lived too damn long to be bested by something like this. Tackle that task, I believe in you!

[bedabug]

Thoughts on Dragon Age: The Veilguard now that I've finished it. This will have spoilers in it that I'll put under a cut but the spoiler free short of it is this:

Final act is incredible. From the "point of no return" onward the game is phenomenal. Probably one of the best final sections of any game I've played. Downsides were some lore sanded down. Companions don't talk to you enough, can't really get to know them outside of their quest lines. Romances were remarkably lackluster in more than just amount of content. Rook dialogue choices are limited.

Overall I liked the game, final act really was so good I forgave pretty much all my other issues.

Now for the pretty spoiler filled version with details (warning this is massively long):

We're gonna do this by category, and I'm gonna save stuff I liked for the end so that this post on the whole feels slightly compliment sandwich-y. I am gonna talk with a lot of depth about the stuff I don't like because there's a lot of reasons and information to it BUT I want to stress again I liked the game on the whole.

First up is how the game disappoints on player choice at a lot of points, starting with the obvious of crafting your own Rook. You spend however long in the character creator, you read all the faction notes, you are given exactly one small piece of character background (why you joined or were loaned out to Varric) and there is no other character information given to you which is GREAT! Until Rook suddenly starts dropping background information to Solas (or to Taash in one of their early missions if I remember correctly). An elf Rook with a Lords of Fortune background suddenly drops the information that they were a Tevinter Galley Slave for example which is a huge piece of background to just throw on the player with no warning, potentially undoing a lot of their own character building. This wouldn't be a problem if it was stated anywhere in the character creator instead of sprung on you well after the tutorial section is done.

And that kind of thing doesn't even begin to address the negated player choice from other games. Did you give Isabela over to the Qunari? Too bad she's here anyway with no mention of it. Did you have Hawke romance Isabela? Also not mentioned, nor whether or not Hawke is alive. Who is the Divine for anyone outside of Tevinter? Never comes up. What happened with circle mages? Who can say. You can import the fact that the Inquisitor romanced Iron Bull but not if he turned against you in Tresspasser and sided with the antaam. Did the Inquisitor bathe in Mythal's well or did Morrigan? What about Morrigan's child, does he even exist? Some player choices (who rules Ferelden or Orzammar for example) are fine to not include because why would they come up when you're so far north of those areas. But not including others while including the characters they are directly about, like Isabela or Morrigan is frustrating. I would rather not have those characters then have them waltzing in with no regard for the choices made about them previously. Doesn't have to be a big thing but a throw away line about the choice or just an entry in the codex would go a long way.

Rook's dialogue options are also frustrating. I don't mind the option to be the world's most supportive team therapist, but I'd have loved it to be more of a choice. Aggressive or mean options felt few and far between which made being able to disagree with your team difficult. Rook should be able to disagree with them! The player should be able to argue and convince or be convinced! One of the most fun playthroughs I did of DA:I was one where I made the Inquisitor a hardline religious zealot who strongly believed they were the herald of Andraste. I terrorized my team and it was fun seeing that version of the game after seeing the version where they all trusted and cared for the Inquisitor. That kind of variety is really lacking in Veilguard.

While we're on lacking dialogue and choices, Faction and lineage dialogue seems to be a crap shoot. Wardens have quite a bit, Lords of Fortune might as well have none. It's a really wild disparity but also not there in places where you feel it really should be there. Like if you're an elf and Emmrich asks you about your funeral plans you might not be able to respond with the Dalish tradition of planting a tree over the grave, even if you mention that same tradition to Bellara during the funeral sequence in her quest line. The majority of Elf related dialogue I got was being able to apologize to Harding for what the ancient elven gods did to the Titans which feels not great.

Speaking of factions! This is where I'm gonna talk about the sanding down/dulling the edges of the more unsavory elements in the Dragon Age lore, presumably done so that the game can treat the player with kid gloves. The game feels afraid to embrace the parts of Thedas that don't meet real world standards of morality. Which not only is a remarkably boring story choice, it undercuts a lot of the important things you're fighting against/working towards fixing as a player in the world. Take the Antivan Crows for example. We know from Zevran, among other resources from previous games, that the Crows have no issue with purchasing or stealing orphans to raise them as assassins. Zevran talks about the torturous lessons and treatment he received as one such orphan. Part of this is handwave forgivable because much of your interactions with the Crows in Veilguard is through their leadership. Neither the talons nor the grandsons of the first talon are going to openly share the most unsavory elements of their organization. But there was depth to be mined there from the idea that this organization with dubious morals beyond just killers for hire (which is oddly not portrayed as morally grey as I think it should be) when faced with an occupation and a risk of Antiva pull together to be more than they are, but alas that is left widely not discussed. But again the Crow situation is more forgivable than the Tevinter problem.

Tevinter has long been described as a country that relies heavily on slave labor. You see (and can help or not) elves being kidnapped in DA:O from the alienage, you know and can help escaped tevinter slaves in DA2 (or even turn them back in which is wild), and you can argue the morality of slavery with Dorian in DA:I (something Veilguard directly implies helped change his mind on the issue!!). Despite this you don't see a single slave in Minrathous by my recollection. You see blood magic in some quest lines as you would expect, but you never really see slaves or slavery. The only slave I remember seeing in the entire game is the one that is abandoned by the Venatori in Nevarra. The only slave I remember in the entire game is the one found not in Tevinter and explicitly owned by the bad guy cult. It would have been so much more impactful to see every day regular Minrathous citizens with their slaves. The banality of evil, the evidence of it as a systemic problem. The Shadow Dragon faction is EXPLICITLY working towards changing Tevinter for the better and lists ending slavery as one of their goals but you don't ever see one there. They try to get around it by having the part of Minrathous you spend time in be a poorer area but the player should still see slavery and the ramifications of it. It feels remarkably like the player is being treated with kid gloves and protected from things unpleasant, but that massively undercuts the Shadow Dragons' own goals because they become something you basically never really encounter outside of the Venatori. It takes the Shadow Dragons from being an underground resistance group with revolutionary ideals to a group just fighting against one (admittedly powerful) evil cult, instead of a systemic problem in the country's very foundation. Yes there are codex entries mentioning Dorian trying to disband slavery via law changes and yes if you save Minrathous the discussion of who to put in charge mentions ending slavery as a key priority, but these all feel so empty without anything to ground them. This was the time to show both the power and the dark side of the Tevinter Empire and instead we don't see any of it.

My assumption is that because you can be part of these factions and go to these places and have to care about saving these people (they want the player to agonize over the decision to save Minrathous or Treviso) and maybe you'd care less about one if one was visibly full of slavers (even tho it'd be also full of slaves that ostensibly a player would want to save). But I think the game had also shown the dark elements of the Crows alongside that it makes the choice just as hard. And I think treating the player like they can't handle being part of a group in a fictional world that has some problems or darker elements to it is frustrating. Especially when getting to play a morally grey character is frequently a large appeal of video games. And if you're a Shadow Dragon then it should be more than just lip service to be part of group vying to free the country they call home from systemic oppression.

The way the Qun is talked about in Veilguard also falls under this umbrella. A seer in the Lords of Fortune base says that the Qun doesn't actually hate mages or torture them or sew their mouths shut that was just the Antaam. This is in direct conflict with literal other moments in the game when talking about how Taash's mom feels about mages and magic (she had begrudginly come to accept it thanks to help from a Rivaini seer but the undertone is folks from the Qun do not like mages nor are they used to them). Additionally Taash says the Qun isn't a prison and folks can leave any time, which is ALSO in direct conflict with Taash's own lived experiences as their mom had to flee the Qun to protect them. It's in conflict with the assassins sent after Bull when he left the Qun. It just feels like a needlessly "actually they're not bad its just the enemy faction that is bad" which I feel like takes away a lot of interesting depth to the Qun for the sake of making it more palatable but I also feel like a story could have sold me on why people actually like living under it and even prefer it without being like "oh actually all of the bad things were just the military" even though the military was part of the Qun until the DLC for DAI. Handwaving it away while also directly going against other things listed in the game is frustrating. If this is a legitimate change the writers wanted to make it's implemented poorly especially given the disconnect between what Taash tells us about the Qun vs what they tell us about their mom leaving it.

In keeping with the "kid gloves on" problem, your lineage is never an issue in the game. You can't to my knowledge even ask anyone if it could be a problem the way you can ask if being anything but human is going to be a problem as leader of the Inquisition. An Elf or Qunari Rook can walk around Minrathous with not even a second glance. This is in specific conflict with a conversation we can overhear between Lorelei and Bren in the Shadow Dragons shop where she asks him if he had any trouble at the market and he says wearing a hood helps, with the implication being that he has to hide his Qunari horns. I know it's weird to subject the player to racism but also the prejudices based on lineage is a key part of certain areas in Thedas and to discount them entirely feels weird. It should be a little bit risky to be an Elf of Qunari walking through Minrathous even if that's just the various NPCs on the street are less nice to you. There's a weird feeling of this world's problems are all specific Evil People doing Specific Evil Things instead of the fallibility of people and institutions and system problems which makes it amount to a much more bland version of Thedas then as we've previously seen it.

Tying in to things being more bland, it's time to cover the companions' relationship to Rook both romantic and platonic. I'll start with platonic because I actually feel like it's the bigger offender though I've seen a lot of complaints about the romances that I agree with. I feel like I can't get to know the companions properly and they can't get to know me. Sure Rook goes along and helps them on whatever therapy and quest line they need, but outside of that? I cannot start a conversation with them and ask them what they think about different topics while answering questions back. I covered previously that the dialogue options are limited but this is more that the amount of conversations outside of ones directly relating to quest lines is nearly non existent. I knew so much about my companions and their outlooks and motivators from information outside of their quest lines in previous games because you got to really talk to them through branching dialogue trees and occasionally you got to respond in kind. You don't get that kind of friendship depth with the companions in Veilguard because you don't get to have many conversations with them and the ones you do are usually just Rook asking "are you ok" or offering to help. Not getting to know them.

Sure there's a lot of little lore and backstory you can pick up from party banter or codex entries but those things don't feel like they deepen the bond with Rook. Bellara refers to Neve as the sister she never had at one point while I love that and think it's truly charming, it made me realize that Rook didn't feel particularly close to any companion, not even the one they romanced.

Which brings me to romances. This game took the worst element of Mass Effect romances and brought them to Dragon Age. For years I've complained that I wished Mass Effect romances were more like Dragon Ages and we almost kinda got there in Andromeda, but the finger on the monkey paw did curl and instead of Mass Effect romances getting better, Dragon Age ones got worse.

I have romanced Davrin, Bellara, and Emmrich at this point (and watched videos of the others to compare). Emmrich's is easily the best in terms of content given but even still they are all remarkably chaste. A bunch of almost kisses interrupted and you can barely properly lock in before basically the point of no return? You don't even get more than a kiss in the romance until AFTER the point of no return?? In DAI once locked in you could go up to your romantic partner for almost any of the romances and have a cute little moment together. In Veilguard you're lucky if it ever comes up outside of your specific romance scenes. I had one companion mention my romance with Davrin and with Bellara, and Harding's commentary about age was all I got for Emmrichs. Neve's romance with Lucanis (which I love!!) feels like it has more depth and love than either the Neve or Lucanis romance for Rook. Additionally the overall amount of time the romance content has is significantly less. Video compilation of all Bellara or all Emmrich romance scenes are both around 18min, in DAI for Dorian or for Bull it's over 30min each, same for Cassandra. Several of the romances in previous Dragon Age games have been some of my favorite video game romances in any series and all the ones in Veilguard feel so remarkably lacking. Outside of the specific romance scenes you might as well not be together at all which is such a bummer. Mass Effect 2 also does the limited chaste romance until the point of no return thing but at least it felt like the connection was there outside of those scenes because you also had the platonic bond underneath the romance that Veilguard does not really manage to accomplish.

Also side note: What the fuck was the nudity toggle even for because like I was expecting at least DA:I levels of nudity minimum if you have a toggle like that (with optimistically ME: Andromeda levels or more) and there was none of that. Why does that toggle even exist? To lie to me?

BioWare said this was the most "companion heavy" game and sure if your metric is exclusively what percentage of quests are companion quests then that is true. But if you're counting by any other metric I think it's actually one of the most companion-light games of the series. Which is a huge bummer as the companions and the player character's relationship to them has always been a massive appeal for me and many other DA fans. The characters in Veilguard are great and I do love them but I don't feel like Rook gets to bond with them in any way that matters and I think that's almost exclusively down to the missing big dialogue tree conversations.

Additionally on the companion note I don't love that seemingly no matter how you choose to end their personal quest lines the companions are absolutely 100% okay with Rook's decision. Some of them that makes sense for and some it felt weird. Taash's especially felt off because it definitely seemed like a balance between Qunari and Rivaini culture should have been struck there but instead it was a binary choice and they have no strong opinions either way on what you encourage them to do.

And finally the writing. I don't actually have too many complaints on this on the whole. I think some of the companion quest lines have not the greatest writing at moments. Harding and Taash are the bigger offenders here but Taashs sticks the landing better than Hardings in my opinion. Taash ends up so very minor or barely not minor coded because of their quest line and I just think there must have been a better way to do a coming out/finding yourself quest line without me feeling like I'm taking care of an angry 16 year old. But the ending mission of Taash's quest is pretty decent where as I feel Harding having an evil shade encapsulating all her negative feelings about what happened to the Titans was the most boring way to end what otherwise could have been a really interesting quest line lore wise. I do think some dialogue feels clunky. It reminds me of Jenny Nicholson's comment on how you can spot a Paid Disney Influencer because they always use attractions/parks full Disney names (Star Wars Galaxy's Edge as opposed to Star Wars Land for example) because everything is Proper Names in dialogue. Always calling it "gingerwort truffle" in full in every Davrin scene never shorthanding it to either gingerwort or just truffle and letting us understand from context so that the characters speak as any person would in real life. It ends up feeling awkward and stilted because of it, but thats a minor writing compaint.

Act 1's pacing is also very sluggish, but honestly that's a pretty forgivable problem for me considering the final act is as well done as it is. There are definitely occasionally moments where I wasn't impressed by the writing but they're all almost entirely early game problems so you kinda forget them by the end of the game.

I wish the crossroads market area was utilized better. I was about to finish Act 2 before I realized the vendor there replaced the vendor I lost from the unsaved city choice and many of my friends had not realized it themselves at all. I also feel like it would have been very cool if refugees from the not saved city had been evacuated either there or to the lighthouse in some capacity. Grey Wardens could have come through there after Weisshaupt fell and used it as a base to send people out to effectively fight the blight wherever was needed at the time. The lighthouse being such a cut off and private base was a little underwhelming and empty feeling and I think having faction presence there or in the crossroads market (more than just one occasional NPC) would have been a way to improve that. Also why is there not a Rivaini/Lords Of Fortune furniture set for the Lighthouse? Literally every other faction got one even dwarves which is isn't even a group you have to worry about reputation with!

I don't love the implication of the after credit scene that some secret big bad has been manipulating everyone into doing bad things this whole time because I think that as a plot concept usually undercuts more interesting narratives but I am willing to see where it goes. Mark me down as wary.

Slipping in here out of place because it goes with nothing is a minor complaint about the combat. No longer being able to control your companions sucks. That for me was always a really fun way to try out another class and see if I would want to do a full run as that class. But additionally they did not compensate for enemy targeting properly. Because your companions can't die and can't be controlled the enemy AI basically does not target them at all meaning if you're playing a Rook who is better at range (like say a mage) it becomes very dodge heavy in a way I find more annoying then challenging. It's not harder its more tedious and dull. I always liked that Dragon Age had a distinct combat style from Mass Effect and I do think transferring over to the Mass Effect combat style was not the best choice.

Final for complaints, I do feel like the save Minrathous or save Treviso choice is entirely undercut by the final part of act 3 happening in and basically destroying Minrathous. Hard to justify saving Minrathous earlier when you know it'll go through that, especially with the idea that you can minimize the spread of damage by saving Treviso because then at least it's just one city that is wrecked. But this is mostly a replay related complaint, I don't like when something undercuts a choice on replay but it is hardly a deal breaker or a big problem which is why it is the last thing mentioned in this section.

Finally for the things I liked:

I called the Varric twist from moment one when after the tutorial Harding doesn't address him at all in the infirmary and was only more convinced when Harding had to psyche herself up to go back to the Ritual Site. I was so worried that knowing he was dead was going to make the reveal less impactful or that I would feel like I didn't have time to properly mourn a character that is in my top three favorite Dragon Age characters.

I was very very wrong.

The reveal to Rook that Varric has been dead the whole time is masterfully done. I genuinely sobbed for a moment there. It was such a beautiful wrap up and send off for perhaps the series' most iconic character. It felt like saying goodbye to a best friend and hurt just as much without feeling cheap or manipulative (outside of like actually being manipulated by Solas as a plot point I mean.)

Act 3 in general just goes hard. From the point of no return til the end I was completely engrossed in the game and the story. I held my breath when side characters who weren't even companions looked like they were in trouble and cheered when I saw they lived. Beat for beat Act 3 is great. Doing basically the Mass Effect 2 suicide mission twice in different ways, having a guaranteed loss that is crushing but feels appropriate and not just for shock value. The writing in that section is tight and well done, the pacing is great, and the story beats all feel like they pay off in satisfying ways and the companion interaction in that sequence is the best it is in the entire game. Morrigan's inclusion in talking Solas down is fantastic, being able to talk Solas and convince him to keep the veil willingly also feels really rewarding.

On the topic of Solas, Gareth David-Lloyd puts in an absolutely phenomenal performance. He sells every double cross, every lie, every hint of foreshadowing, and every emotional beat. I can only think of a single line that felt awkwardly stated which is huge given the amount of story carrying dialogue he had.

I really like the games through line of Rook & Co basically becoming the new dreadwolf rebellion. Using his base, fighting the same gods, it's a nice parallel without being overwhelming in your face about it. Balanced and well done.

Hezenkoss was a hysterically fun villain in a delightfully well done mission and having her skull stay after in Emmrich's room as something you and your companions can talk to is excellent. The perfect amount of hammy villainy needed for a bit of levity without feeling so goofy that its off putting. I believe she was voiced by Juliet Landau who does a great job, just fun to listen to.

Manfred is also one of the most entertaining side characters. Goes from haha funny skeleton butler to basically Emmrich's son that is a crucial member of the group that you care for and I love that.

As a small final compliment THE HAIR!! Never did I dream hair in Dragon Age would ever look like anything other than molded clay on top of a characters head (unless you have mods). But the hair in Veilguard looks touchably soft and bouncy and for the most part moves in all the right ways and shines in the light well. As a console player it was nice to finally have good hair.

[spiderdoesthings]

Hear me out

Infected animals in last of us is a talked about idea (within the fandom, atleast) but, i feel like talking about in in a little more logic based way. First off, we have to point out that there currently is a fungus (cordyceps) also known as Zombie-ant fungus that does just that, takes over an ants body. heres the thing. breakout day was september 26th 2013, meaning that somehow, this fungus evolved so quickly that it went from ants to humans, before it went from ants to smaller animals.

Now, because of this, theres another point. Humans are mammals. Meaning that the fungus also had to find a way to adapt to a whole new group of creatures.

the last timeline area is about 2040 (thank you to https://www.reddit.com/r/thelastofus/comments/158xmvx/the_last_of_us_timeline/?rdt=40385 this person for providing the timeline im using) meaning roughly 27 years, and still no animal mutations. so, whatever mutated the fungus was either extremely slow and started back way before we knew (talking likely more then 100 years) OR was very very rapidly evolved.

there is the option of this being a bio-weapon, however, seeing as it was never mentioned once, i am going to assume that this means it is a freak accident (however i do wanna revisit the bio-weapon idea later)

All of this to say that within our timeline, or atleast within ellies life, we may at most see small things (im talking maybe rabbit or smaller) or things more-so related to people (primeapes, really) be infected. i think that if we ever are to get infected things like giraffes, bears, wolfs, deer, etc that people are talking about, the chances are a cure or atleast something that starts to kill it off (or, honestly, it dying off on its own) is going to happen first.

yes, evolution doesnt always take forever, but, the evolution that takes less time is typically a much smaller change, not a whole new group of animals, seeing as we are likely speaking about fish, reptiles and birds, and mammals such as possums that are built to fend of things like this.

Also, we saw that the rat king was the furthest this thing has gotten, meaning that humans are somehow putting a dent into the issue (seeing as the most things you fight end up being stalkers, runners and clickers, all things roughly within a year of infection) and even bloaters and shamblers take several years to form, so clearly, this thing isnt exactly fast moving past the original stage of infection. (by that i mean, past the stage of clicker, it could take an additional five years to change, so while its fast acting to take control, it still takes ages to be deadly/have a good defense)

my theory is that with animals, the fungus just wont both. animals are not a threat to it, humans are. and clearly it has some sort of intelligence because, well, its taking over a human body, something that we still don't know 100% about to this date. likely the only animals that we would see infected anyways are dogs, farm animals, and rats, seeing as dogs and farm animals are around humans the most, and rats are typically in the sewer areas, where we find the more thick spore areas.

is this scientific? no, no it is not. this is just a personal theory. if you disagree, thats fine, feel free to comment, but also remember this is a fictional game

[herwrittenuniverse]

Thoughts on Rayllum Post S4

Last week, I posted a chapter of my story Lunation and got some pretty divisive comments. It got my wheels turning and before I knew it, my fingers were flying, and I ended up writing something small an essay on Rayla and Callum's communication at this point in their journey.

I'm going to put it below because I feel like people may disagree (which, by all means, you are free to do so and keep scrolling without reading). Click below to read more.

Are you sure you want to read?

There's still time to turn around!

Alright then!

Also, please feel free to sound off in the comments or reblogging.

Edit: Adding this one because I feel like this blog is making its rounds and it needs to be said. Let me make this 100000% clear that this post is not to blindly defend Rayla in any way. Her actions (lying/leaving) in TTM were awful (and I talk more about that below). However, this post is a reaction to some comments on my story - comments that made me realize that there are those in the fandom that believe her actions are (especially to Callum) unforgivable - that no matter what Rayla does, says, or thinks in future seasons, she will forever be at fault for leaving, and doesn't deserve to reconcile with Callum.

Original Post:

I didn’t realize how much of the TDP Community takes serious fault in (ahem, hates) post-TTM Rayla. Last week, I posted a chapter of Lunation (a fanfiction/character study of what would happen if Rayla and Callum actually talked post S4) where Rayla and Callum try to talk about things. In my story, Rayla realized how much she truly hurt Callum, and while she attempts to explain herself, she ultimately apologizes, realizing her actions hurt Callum more than she could ever imagine. Callum, who is still blinded by anger and repressing a lot of his feelings, lashes out at her. It makes them both explode and nothing is settled between them (until later chapters - but that’s a different post).

Obviously, I am just a fan, and I am using this work as a creative release. But I take pride in proper characterizations - I want to be sure each party member is behaving like they would in the show. And, on top of it all, I am spending my free time putting genuine love and devotion into something purely because I enjoy it.

But many of the responses on the chapter really left me scratching my head, and quite frankly, made me…sad. Of course, everyone is entitled to their own opinion, and that is not the issue - I understand you can’t please everyone. I was genuinely upset because people seem completely ignorant of the absolute trauma Rayla has been through. Readers called me biased towards Rayla (with no sympathy towards Callum), called Rayla toxic, said they want Rayla to "truly regret her decision and actually apologize," calling my interpreted apology disingenuous because I used her family dynamic as one reason why she would leave to protect Callum (and honestly, likely also because she didn't grovel at Callum's feet). 

I am not saying what Rayla did in TTM was right - actually, I think the opposite. Rayla’s response was definitely not healthy, and it wasn’t correct, and there were more plausible options. Yet having been through trauma myself, I understand Rayla’s actions. When TTM begins, we see how Viren has taken away literally everyone Rayla has loved - every parent she’s ever had,  including (in a way) Ethari, who is not dead but is forbidden to see his foster daughter due to the fact that she is a Ghost. 

Rayla left to protect literally the last thing that she loves in life - Callum, and probably Ezran too (but remember, she saw Callum encased in ice along with her parents and Runaan in TTM). Through Seasons 1 - 3, Rayla is self-sacrificing, rash, and guilty - her choice to leave, while not right by any means, aligns with her character that we have all seen through Seasons 1-3. 

Again, was her decision right? Nope. Was it correct? Absolutely not. But those were Rayla’s actions, and at the time, she felt it was right and justified, which again fits into her character. In S4, we see Rayla come back empty-handed, and frankly, that shows growth. She realizes that her attempt was fruitless, and hence returns. It sure looks shitty to Callum because she has nothing to account for - and at the beginning of S4, he seems justifiably hurt, angry, yet still hung up on Rayla. So yes, Rayla’s return is incredibly hurtful to Callum - but let’s not forget that it was likely also hard on Rayla. She is both a prideful and honorable creature, so returning to Katolis empty-handed had to be one of the hardest things for her to do, especially with nothing to account for. No one likes to admit they’re wrong, especially about something as big of a decision as that. That is not to take away from Callum’s pain - it is just as hard and traumatic for Callum. But I think members of the TDP Community are forgetting that it’s hard on Rayla too. 

And Callum’s ire is understandable. However, my interpretation from S4 (and from his short story 'Inheritance') was that for two years, he stuffed down all his feelings and made everyone around him miserable. At this point, those around Callum have been dealing with him wallowing for two years - and now, the love of his life is here, in front of him, and he is still choosing not to address anything with Rayla. He is withdrawn, and has been for the past two years. Rayla's return is essentially forcing him to finally process what has happened. That’s why I decided to explore Lunation. S4 gave us no resolution with Rayllum, and it had the gears in my brain going. 

Some people are also saying that Ezran and Soren should be loyal to Callum because they know him the longest, and that they should be more angry with Rayla (both in the show and in Lunation). Yet I see Soren and Ezran as mediators, both in the show and throughout my story. Yes, they’ve seen their friend/brother desperate for nearly two years because of Rayla (which I’m sure gets tiring in itself). Now Rayla is back, but Callum is not taking any means to move communication forward. This is plainly addressed when Ezran and Callum speak in the Drakewood (��Lots of things are hard, like magic. But you figured that one out.”) and when Rayla and Soren speak on their ‘adventure’ (“When you left, you hurt him - real bad.”). It is natural that Ezran and Soren are not going to have the same bitter response to Rayla that Callum had because A. Their love/relationship with Rayla is different, and they have likely already processed what has happened. B. It is not in their nature to be inherently angry or bitter (Ezran, especially). C. I would like to think that, at this point, they want to see Callum happy. I am sure they were angry and mourning Rayla in their own way, but Callum would be the most affected by Rayla’s departure. 

Let’s also not forget…that Jack DeSena (when being interviewed about S4) himself said that Callum repressed his feelings during the two year absence, and dove into magic. 

And again - in case you didn’t read the first or second time I said it - Callum has every right to be angry. But remember, these are conflicting emotions that Callum is suppressing. He loves Rayla deeply, but is also angry and hurt. Still yet, he hasn’t talked about it or addressed it, even at the end of S4. A person who is withholding all these feelings is going to act angry, bitter, moody, and likely lash out - we saw evidence of all of this in S4. 

But…those of you who are anti-Rayla seem to miss the fact that Callum is still in love with her. He never stopped loving her - not ever in these two years. But he still has these repressed, unspoken emotions that are going to burst through, and that is what I wanted to explore in Lunation.

I deliberately made their conversation drawn out and slow, starting right from Through the Surface (my fanfic that takes place before Lunation). They’ve been slowly getting there, bit by bit…because if you’ve ever tried to repair a relationship (especially one where both parties are hurt), it takes time. That’s one reason why I liked S4, as Rayllum wasn’t addressed at all. Why would it? While it was disappointing to Rayllum fans, it was a perfectly normal response. It is not realistic for a couple to just pick back up after two years and pretend like nothing happened. 

And ultimately, that is the point of Lunation - to show that relationships are messy, are not linear by any means, and that in order to make it work, there needs to be communication, and communication is freaking hard. 

As a bonus, for those of you insisting “But Rayla hurt Callum! Rayla doesn’t deserve to go back with Callum! How can you ever go back to someone who has hurt you?” To you, I say this: it is painfully obvious that you have not had any complex relationships, life experiences, or the ability to empathize. It seems like you’ve never had someone you hurt (or they hurt you) terribly , only for the love to remain ever present. Truly, it must be nice to live on a plane of reality where things are so black and white. But in my reality, life is not black and white. Life is messy, and love is the messiest thing of them all. 

And, on top of it all, these are fictional characters that do not exist, and I (along with several other creators) am writing fanfiction out of free will and my love for the show. I don’t get anything out of this process (including writing this rant/blog post). So if a person doesn’t like my interpretation of these characters and this story, that’s cool - but you can say your opinion kindly and without aggression, or simply close out the tab and decide not to read. 

And hell, write your own damn story if mine makes you so angry.

Thanks for coming to my TED Talk.

Feel free to sound off in the comments.

[alittlefrenchtree]

I don't understand why being happy on a 100% score is a bad thing. We all expected a lower % from the start and bad reviews, of course we are happy. It's only 10 reviews true and it'll go down but no one said anything when RWRB had 90% with 10reviews, I even remember that it was brought up to make comparision with those praising Anyone but you and the 80% score it got. Since when celebrating small successes is a problem in this fandom?

It's not! Of course it's not. I guess what the Anon was saying is, for them, it wasn't telling enough to be celebrate -- or to be celebrated as much as it had been.

I guess what we both saying is what happens inside a fandom and for a fandom vs what it represents for the outside and for a general audience is really different and sometimes people tend to forget a bit about that. When you're deeply involved in the fandom even the smallest things feel really intense and big and life shattering. But if you zoom out a bit, people who are a bit outside of it, even if they do love Nick, will find some reactions pretty disproportionated compared to their own experiences of things.

But it's also understandable for people who has been following and supporting Nick for many years, to be really involved in his achievements. We're all have different experiences. If you want to celebrate, feel free to. Hence the importance of finding your own people in a fandom/group. It's also relevant for previous Anon. I'm guessing they're not going around telling people who were celebrating to shut up. They come to me because they rightfully felt like I might share some of their feelings. Just because they're (or I am) annoyed by someone's else behavior, doesn't mean the said behavior is wrong. Hateful/insulting/toxic comments are never ok but everything else can co-exist even if people will disagree. Be happy for a grade. Don't be happy for a grade. Be objective. Be subjective. It's no big deal.

I wasn't around by the time RWRB got 90% and I don't know where previous Anon was at that time either but I'm pretty sure I would have say the same, that 6 or 10 reviews weren't enough to draw any conclusion on anything. Well I'm not even sure I'll give a 90% to RWRB (probably not 💀) and I still love this movie and the people who have made it.

I'm really happy Nick had a successful premiere. Not because I want the movie to be a success (I'm really not excited about the project, so i don't care that much if it does well or not. Nick is talented enough (and not even the 1st on the call sheet) so it doesn't affect his career that much if it doesn't do well) but because Nick got to experience a bit of the love and support he deserves. The day showed even more that fans will follow him from projects to projects. A large part of the audience was there for him and from what I understood, they made the experience of the screening pretty special. I think this says more and is more important than any grade. Grading creativity doesn't make much more sense to me as comparing people so, this isn't something I see worth celebrating, I guess.

TLDR: I could have summarize everything by saying: a fandom is not an unity with one universal book of rules that everybody should be following. What might be a problem for some isn't for someone else and it's ok as long nobody isn't insulting anyone else.

[maironsbigboobs]

3,4,5 for 9 we or any different subsets in the ship :)

My god I am in too deep, this is so very long

What was their first impression of each other?

Well I think Finwë Elwë and Ingwë are all about the same age and met as small children, so they don't remember their first impressions - probably just that that looked like a fun kid to play with. They do remember the first time Olwë trailed after his big brother to play with them and they thought he was very cute.

Miriel I think was also probably part of their little friend group, and perhaps Ingwë's wife (her name is canonically Ilwen) though I think she probably spent more time with other Vanyar kids.

We all know how Elwë and Melian's first meeting went.

I don't know how Olwë met his wife. I feel like he only married her in Valinor, so perhaps they never crossed paths until then.

Finwë first saw Indis dancing in Valinor, and he loved her from that moment. Indis had been watching him from afar (Ingwë is her uncle (I think), so she would have seen him around) and has been in love with him for years.

Who initiates affection? Why does the other not initiate affection as much?

Melian and Elwë are sickeningly cute and affectionate at all times. Once they're both in Valinor it only gets worse because they have seven people to fawn over now.

Indis and Finwë are almost the opposite - because of the Miriel situation Indis feels uncomfortable being too affectionate in public, but also not being affectionate enough, so she sticks to her own code of what is proper. Miriel was very affectionate when she was alive, but became more withdrawn as she got sicker during her pregnancy + after.

Olwë and Mrs. Olwë are the most affectionate with the other 7 in public, not being bound by Vanyarin conservatism or Noldorin politics.

Ilwen is the most light hearted of the lot of them and is a lot more free with her affections. Ingwë is extremely reserved at almost all times except when they are 100% alone, probably because he thinks Manwë is always watching or something.

Do they argue often? If so, what do they argue about?

Melian and Elwë don't argue so much as Melian says something, Elwë ignores it and she is proven right. Melian is fine with this because of weird Ainur reasons that I can't explain without this being 1000 words long.

In petty matters they hardly ever disagree at all, though, so it isn't a big deal.

Ilwen is a FORCE in Vanyarin politics but she makes a point never to argue with Ingwë in public. She has a brand to keep up. Indis learnt from her aunt and employs the same tactic in Tirion, though her and Finwë argue semi-frequently in private. Usually about Fëanor or their kids. She doesn't argue with the others much, hardly ever.

Miriel had no such qualms and regularly and openly challenged all of the others on matters big and small. She loved to argue and she loved to be right. See: why Fëanor is like that

Finwë argues with Ingwë and Ilwen over political and religious matters and also incredibly petty things like what colour to paint the new statue of Manwë Ingwë is paying the Noldor for.

Olwë is just happy to be included and is a very chill dude so he doesn't argue unless it is something he feels very strongly about. His wife is more strong-minded, but doesn't play as much of a role in cross-kingdom politics so doesn't argue with the others as much as she does with Olwë''s advisors.

[mythicaldemigoddess-of-deltarune]

Is It SUPER Weird To Want To Ship Scratch x Glamrock-Chica...?

[Note: Mature Reader Audience Only....also reading this is optional, also this will talk about Hazbin Hotel and Helluva Boss ships and Crossover ships besides Scratch x Glamrock-Chica. and yeah it does get a bit off topic as well.]

not sure if many thought about this Crossover ship idea, that involves Scratch, the Robot Rooster who in a Sonic Cartoon and who is like the Older Brother of Grounder, and was made by Doctor Robotnik...

and Glamrock Chica from FNAF Security Breach, being ship together.

does it count as a crack-ship...?

I kind of want to Crossover OTP ship them, well maybe sometime I will draw a fan art with those two being ship together.

even if it might be the weirdest ship yet, but I'm weird and I'm way better when I'm weird and not when I get really mad or sad...

and a Crossover ship between Scratch The Robot Rooster and Glamrock Chica The Chicken, is just some idea that pop into my head and the chances of others ending up doing fan art of that crossover ship is possibly very small and not likely to happen very much.

but yeah, is it super weird that I want to ship Scratch from Sonic The Hedgehog with Glamrock-Chica from FNAF Security Breach...? XD

well I have seen other unsuspected and surprising ships,

like Charlie's Dad and Angel's Dad from Hazbin Hotel, being ship together....and as weird as it might be, I can't help but like their ship.

and I'm still gonna view that Mamtella name that I started to call Stella x Mammon's ship name (who are from Helluva Boss) as something that reminds me of food and yeah as weird as it sounds when I was talking about the ship name before, it ended up making me hungry. I wouldn't be surprise if others think that ship name kind of sounds like something you put on toast...

even if that ship never becomes canon, I can't help but love the idea of those two being together in the fanon.

I am the embodiment of weirdness who at times on certain days falls under the influence of the 8th sin, which I may have had before during those two depressions I had before if that counts.

[feel free to skip to the part where it goes back to talking about ships, Scratch x Glamrock-Chica will be in bold.]

also it might not be really all that easy for some to get back to being super happy like they were before and they have to make due with the happiness they can feel even after going through a depression in 2015 and then a year or so later ending up in another one...which I can't remember if that second depression ended up first starting in 2016 or 2017, but I know it lasted way longer than the first one and at some point after getting better from it, I got sick and started throwing up and my first cat was you know, leaving us...

and if my second cat wasn't taken to the vet on time, I would of ended up losing them too, and I refuse to lose them...

and if it were possible, I would go Feral Earth Angel on Archangel Samael. also maybe there can be no real proof that he is Cain's Dad...

and yes, Cain and Seth are both my and other humans own ancestors (and apparently I'm in the bloodline that has both Seth and Cain as Ancestors...which makes them both Grandpas and Grunkles), and even if it does turn out to be true that Samael is technically Cain's Dad...he still ain't the boss of me.

anyway the other thing that stinks, was that Covid-19 that happen...

hopefully things will become better, and certain Masculine ones will stop scapegoating all humankind, even if only half of them were involved in that mess...

and well I can talk about that kind of messed up thing another time, which I don't think it is even good at all, I mean where is the freaking justice in that...?

anyway maybe sometime I will talk about how I believe that human evolution and creation are correct and well even if those who are religious and some who are more into the explaining of how we got here through science would end up disagreeing with each other but they will have come to the idea that both of them are right.

as well as the whole possibility that Eve and Lilith share descendants that would be like the Evalith Bloodline, so jokes on Lilith if she tries to harm Eve and Adams descendants, because some of them are hers as well.

and back to talking about shipping Scratch x Glamrock-Chica...

if I'm able to, I will try to draw a fan art of those two...might not end up doing that many ship drawings of them but I will try to get around to working on the first one when I'm able to.

I also wouldn't mind shipping TFA-Blitzwing with Sundrop/Moondrop/Eclipsedrop which I think their ship name would be Blitzdrop.

I think it be funny if Moondrop scares Bumblebee, like Moony could tell Bumblebee to "take your nap." in a scary way.

and just picture Moondrop and Random-Blitzwing working together to try to make Bumblebee go and take a nap...

I think Blitzwing would enjoy that too much, well the Random side of him at least would really enjoy that.

and in a Crossover ship that is a mix of TFA, Hazbin Hotel and FNAF....if you add Husk, which by the way I still love Blitzhusk and it has become one of my favorite fanon crossover ships.

but hypothetically if Husk was ship with Blitzwing and Sunny/Moony/Eclipsey, would that count as a poly relationship or Husk having a Harem, since Sunny/Moony/Eclipsey while being different personalities that share the same body but also are their own person and could end up talking with each other even when they switch places when they have to take care of the kids in the daycare.

it could be possible that Moondrop and Alastor might get along a bit too well...even if it is in a fanon timeline.

and I guess Husk having Blitzwing and Sundrop/Moondrop/Eclipsedrop ship with him could count as both a poly relationship and Harem....maybe.

and it is possible that only some poly relationships can work, but not everyone has to do a poly and might feel more into a relationship when it's just two people.

and if I had to ship Grounder with anyone, I would probably ship him with Map-Bot from FNAF Security Breach....then again maybe I will have that as a maybe ship.

I'm still gonna OTP ship Scratch x Glamrock-Chica, even if it is a weird ship that maybe not everyone will ship, and it being possibly a crack-ship, it still seems interesting and seems like the good kind of weird type of ship. I'm weird and if I have weird ship ideas, than my wanting to ship Scratch with Glamrock-Chica is gonna be one of them.

and if I want to ship Husk with Sundrop/Moondrop/Eclipsedrop, then I might actually do that to.

picture Lockdown looking at Blitzwing and Sunny/Moony/Eclipsey and how they switch between their different personalities and Lockdown could be all like "oh no....there's two of them now!" XD

and even if I ask if wanting to ship Scratch and Glamrock-Chica together is super weird, I guess even without others telling me that it's super weird, I know it is but I like the idea of them being ship together even if it isn't canon. some of the best crossover ships are fanon only. :)

[nemo-of-house-hamartia]

[it's nearly the end of the year. here is a fanmail for you!]

dear nemo. i've only discovered your blog in the past 1-2 years, but i've always had this awe in me, that you post out your oc/canons! i've always been nervous about mine bcs the fandom in general are unaccepting of ocs, haha. but you make me want to feel brave about the stories i keep in myself for so long.

so here's to you 🍻🥂 i hope in the next year we can make more oc/canon. take care and be well! ✩

Hi there Nonnie :)

Welcome welcome here, and thank you for passing by and leave such sweet message in my inbox! <3

Allow me to thank you for having been with me in the past couple of years and that I am immensely happy to know that I somewhat inspired positive sentiments when it comes to posting about OC/Canon and stories connected to them! 😭💓

I know how hard it is to share Original characters out in the open, dear Gods if I don't know. Allow me to share this small thought with you, if it might be of help somewhat: sometimes, when I create characters for newer fandoms, I still get that pesky feeling of fear that I always had when I was younger (what if people are going to tear my character apart? what if I could have worked more on that and done better? what if what if what if?), because I know that the fandom can be a very *VERY* tricky place to navigate around, especially in regards of shipping and even more so when that shipping is done with an Original Character, because people can be rather disagreeable whenever something that doesn't cater to their taste happen to cross their dash. But at the end of the day, I learned just to remind myself the most important thing: that my Ocs and my stories are here for me and my enjoyement first and foremost, because I created them in order to write the story that I wanted to write, and THAT is what gives me the whole "IDGAF imma just jump right in into this big pond and figure it out as I go" attitude that, I am sure, you have seen around my blog.

And that's what I want to tell you as well <3 Do not be nervous about your stories, about your Ocs, because they are an extention of yourself and your creativity, and the people that resonate with you the most will find you and appreciate your work <3 it's a leap of faith, and it's scary, but remember that no one -no critique, no troll, no mean word- can ever take away the joy that's intrinsec in creating those brainchilden and weave their stories with their canon beloveds!

with that being said, cheers to you as well ☕☕☕☕(sorry, my cheer will be with coffee, since that's the creative juice lol) AND TO A NEW YEAR OF MORE SHENANINGAS, MORE OCS, MORE STORIES AND MORE CREATION. (and please, if you feel like talking about your oc in a safe place, feel free to do so here <3)

THIS WORLD NEEDS IT.

[forrestfanfics]

So This is Love || Age of Ultron 10: “Dear Sister”

“So This is Love” Masterlist

Previous Chapter  ||   Next Chapter  

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

I kept my eyes down, examining the white and black suit that wrapped around my body perfectly. The outline of the clothes I wore underneath was practically invisible. But I could still feel how uncomfortable the loose pyjamas were. My dad was right about avoiding baggy clothes.

My first real mission and I felt completely uncomfortable.

There wasn't enough time to make a new suit, so my dad tossed me the prototype and prayed nothing could pierce my gravity bubbles. If they were gravity bubbles.

"No way, we all get through this." I turned my attention away from my suit and to my dad. "If even one tin soldier is left standing, we've lost. There's gonna be blood on the floor."

"I got no plans tomorrow night," Steve commented.

"I got first crack at the big guy. Iron Man's the one he's waiting for."

Just then, the vision guy walked past behind my dad. "That's true. He hates you the most."

I snicker at that.

Both Banner and Steve shift their heads towards me and then to my dad, who sighed.

"As much as I hate to do it, we need all the help we can get. If she ends up either getting hurt or getting in the way, I want the nearest Avenger plucking her off the battlefield."

"Don't worry. We won't let anything happen to Y/N," Steve stood up and held his fist out to me, waiting with a small smile.

I bumped my gloved fist against his. He chuckled and brought his hand up to ruffle my hair before he walked away.

"Good luck out there, kid. We don't want to lose you." Banner patted my shoulder twice as he followed after Steve.

"Y/N, I want you to listen very carefully," my dad spoke once the two were out of range.

"Whatever happens out there, I'm asking... No, I'm telling you to be careful. And put those powers to good use. Bubble yourself when necessary. No speaking around civilians, as we haven't quite figured out your voice masking. And lastly. For the love of all good things, do not make me worry by doing something stupid, you understand?"

I frowned but nodded anyway. "Dad. If anything happens to me, it's not your fault. It's mine for being so pushy. I don't know why I was suddenly so stubborn and... Antsy... Angsty? Anst...sy...? Whatever. I think it's because I was given an opportunity to break free from my endless routine. And I did everything in my power to push through... So y'know..." I give an awkward shrug. "I'm sorry."

The heavy sigh from my dad amped up my anxiety as I stood so small before him.

I squeezed my eyes shut, ready for whatever was coming.

But instead of the usual reprimanding, I was met with a hug.

"I hope this marks the end of our fights. I don't want a venom-laced argument every time we disagree on something."

I nodded in agreement. "Truce?"

"Truce."

●    ◉    ◎    ◈    ◎    ◉    ●

"Hey, Dad. Guess who I am," I said, standing on the edge of the building I was situated on, allowing the wind to blow against my hair.

I spotted the Iron Man suit flying in the distance, glancing my way for a brief moment.

I heard my earpiece beep once before a heavy sigh came up through my earpiece.

"Batman," I clarified, making my voice deeper.

"I'm confiscating your comic books when we get back."

I laughed. "Why? What's wrong with Batman?"

"He's not even a real superhero. He's just a billionaire in a suit," my dad argued.

"WOAHOHO! Sounds very familiar," I countered.

"This is different. This is real life. We'll come back to this conversation when they finally make a consistent franchise."

I huffed. "You know what?"

"What?"

"I think you're jealous that Batman sounds way cooler than Iron Man," I said smugly.

"Y/N, weren't you given a task? Get back to work. And remember: no talking."

Another beep sounded off, and I could no longer hear my dad.

I shook my head and brought up the pair of binoculars Steve gave me to scan the crowd for any obvious men made of metal.

"I dunno. Seems clear to me." Realising I had been given the red herring of all tasks to keep me off their asses.

I clicked my tongue as I lowered the binoculars, kicking a loose piece of rubble off the roof.

Where it landed was a mystery, but just as it disappeared, I noticed movement by the river.

Lifting my binoculars back up, a mini Ultron could be seen climbing up a rock.

Then more came, bursting out of the ground, jumping in from above, coming from all directions.

"Shit, shit! Guys? Incoming from literary everywhere!" I spoke into my earpiece before ditching the binoculars and jumping off the roof and into the crowd.

Panic arose from the civilians, causing them to scramble, breaking away from their path.

"Roger."

"Don't say shit."

"Rogers..."

"This is it, Y/N. The first of many battles." I said giddily, bubbling a bot and shooting it into space. I quickly remembered what my dad said about keeping my mouth shut and held back a squeal, continuing my strategy of bubbling and launching the bots away.

My excitement was very clear with each bot that I disposed of. Not par for the course given the circumstances.

The screams coming from the bridge gave me the impression that our evacuation plan had been compromised.

A loud crash came from the street ahead of me, and I watched in awe as Pietro took out several bots all in one go.

"Whoa," I mumbled to myself.

The distraction served as an opportunity for one of the bots to tackle me from behind, trapping me in a chokehold and lifting me from the ground.

"As much as I enjoy this little sibling rivalry of ours, I'm afraid... There can be only one." I saw the bot's hand in the corner of my eye, ready to blast me out of existence.

"F-Fuck!" I gasped, clawing the metal hand around my neck.

"Hello, dear sister." Ultron's voice came from the robot, sending a chill up my spine. "You were adopted, you over-grown tin can!" I spat through chokes.

I quickly outstretched my hand towards it. But instead of a bubble, the fabric around my forearm ripped into shreds as a purple claw-like blade came slicing through the bot's arm.

I was dropped, and the bot looked down at its elbow where the blade went through.

I took the chance to bubble it with my right —non-blade— hand and launched it into the sky with the rest.

I looked down at my arm, heavily panting at the sight of the purple mass starting from my elbow.

"What The FUUUUUUUCK!" I screamed in horror as it slowly morphed into the shape of my arm, purple hue fading into my normal skin colour.

"Neoma? Y/N, what's wrong?"

I couldn't even focus on the voice coming from my earpiece as I examined my arm from all angles, still feeling a bit of the blade's shape around it, much like a phantom blade.

I have officially come to the conclusion that I was definitely not an ordinary kid.

"Y/N, speak to me. Is everything alright?"

Before I could even respond, the ground shook vigorously beneath me.

I held my arms out to regain my balance as buildings in the distance began to sink.

I hurriedly rushed towards them, only to come to a full stop by a cliff.

That's when I realised. The buildings weren't sinking.

Part of Sokovia was rising.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

[averymorstan]

One of the things I get asked about from time to time is my decision to publish on Amazon Kindle. 

I get it, Amazon is the Bad Guys (and honestly, I don’t disagree with you), but they did streamline the process in a lot of ways that make self-publishing on Amazon very easy. 

My decision to self-publish actually started last year before NaNoWriMo. I had a job that I didn’t feel great about the longevity of, and I also live in a pretty stressful situation that I don’t make enough to move out of. My job was quiet, though, and I was able to listen to podcasts during the day. I started to devour so many writing podcasts - DIYMFA, I Wish I’d Know, Author Like a Boss, Spa Girls, Indie Fully Booked and so many others that I can’t even remember all of them. Just day after day, doing my little data entry, and listening to pods. I’d already been writing fanfic and listening to people who decided to take their publishing future into their own hands and really commit to writing their original stories was very inspiring. 

I will say, some of what I listened to was very reminiscent of Multi-Level Marketing jargon.

Do I think some people make a ton of money on Amazon? Yes. But I have my doubts about some of the advice floating around on social media and through these podcasts about the real money that can be (or can’t be) made on Amazon.

I also feel like some of the speakers can be a little bit... elitist? Classist? But that might be a different post kind of subject. 

What I DID take away, around Christmas or January of last year, was that some of these books that were being published were actually quite short. I don’t know if other autistic people struggle with this, but I know I need ‘permission’ or an example of how something is done before I realize I could have been doing it that way the whole time. Sometimes, my brain commits to rules that aren’t necessarily true. For instance, I thought all books had to be long - they had to be like, at least 50,000 to 150,000 words. This always felt like an insurmountable obstacle to me because I typically can’t stay committed to a story longer than like, 20k. I’m ready for a new part to the adventure by the time I get to that word count. 

But a lot of these indie published authors were talking about rabid releasing, writing very short books, and managing to make content every few weeks. Because of this, they were saying it was possible to start making a steady income relatively quickly by cementing your work in the Amazon algorithms. 

I didn’t think it was possible. So, using my small town romance project from last year’s NaNo, I decided to test myself. I’m a fairly quick writer and I’d been writing fanfic for a while, so I knew I could bust out a pretty okay romance story within a short time frame. I built a little world based on my town/the towns I tend to hang around in and I created four books (plus a bonus story for Christmas) set in these towns. I would release one 15,000 word ‘book’ each month from August to December and see what happened. Each book had 7 chapters, had call backs to characters that you knew from previous books so you felt like you were checking in on old friends, and the stories themselves could only take place over the period of a few days - or, in the case of Falling for Apple, a few weeks. 

I started writing in March and worked all the way through until I started releasing them in August. In that time, I changed jobs to someplace I had less free time for writing, and I’ve done a few plays. I’ve also traveled out of town, continued documenting the process on my YouTube channel, and dealt with a very sick relative/family drama. I feel really, really good about what we’ve accomplished. 

I am also burnt out as F_CK.

All in all, if you don’t count my $12.00 a month subscription to PicMonkey, which I use to make my covers but I had already because of my history with blogging/making Insta content, I’ve spent about $25 on advertising. I’ve done a few boosted posts through Instagram and the rest has been talking about the books on my channel or on my Instagram/Facebook/Tiktok accounts. I was trying to use this method of mostly relying on the Amazon algorithms to do the work for me- that was directly out of one of the podcasts. 

I have made about $100. 

That’s it. That will not help me move out of my home and it is not the second income I was hoping it would be. HOWEVER, this is a marathon, not a sprint, and I’m very much due for a water break. 

Here is what I’ve learned throughout this process:

* Amazon makes it easy because they give you free ISBNs for your Kindle e-books. ISBN numbers can be Very Expensive, so this is a nice bit of accessibility for those of us living below the poverty line. 

* Amazon also has Kindle Create which basically formats your book for you/helps you format your books, so that’s pretty accessible as well.

* Amazon also pays you for page reads. So, yes, your book is free in Kindle Unlimited but you get paid per page read and that’s really nice.

If you have more asks about this process, please let me know because I do think knowledge should be shared and not kept where others (who don’t have the income) can reach it. 

[d-i-d-moi]

Ok girls i am here, LT , Ade. I have work i need to do, i am still here, remember i have spent time with you this morning

Compassion for yourself, acceptance for the way you are, the ways things are, acknowledge things such as how you feel,

remember we did this the other day when observing the emotions and imagery that was coming up in our head and again just then. I know that's a horrible image it is not real, it is symbolic of the terror point of understanding what was happening.

Allow the thoughts to be there, remember you do not have to believe them. They are from the past not now.

I said this morning Ade for us to write a paragraph a day on our blog for the self love work which i am conscious i have not done with you Ade. Small steps. Now what came up this morning was your deeply rooted belief that you are not loved, are unwanted, don't deserve to be free of pain, and so there is some belief you deserve to be punished, which I for one disagree with Ade. You have done nothing to warrant being in pain or to be punished. You were alone, frightened, terrified actually, confused and lost, feeling hopeless and helpless. Recognise please that you today feel empowered to a degree. There has been a change for the better for you. You can take action and change things so you help yourself not hurt yourself or destroy yourself or what you have in life.

I am very glad to hear you say you do not wish to destroy yourself Ade. As to do so would be so grossly unfair, you have been treated badly by others in the past. Not now. You are loved now. I love you. All the Ugi's love you, all the LTs love you. TASM loves you, she says so from time to time remember, TASM even spoke to you before and sent messages to n for you, that's because she cares, because she sees you are of value, and that you are worthy of caring about, which you are, very much so.

I'm sorry the thoughts are on at us again, what they are talking about is our BPs, not anyone in life today. In the past you turned on yourself Ade, your mind was unruly and it took control. No more. It is not in control of you and I now.

Remember, together we can all heal this trauma response, we are stronger connected to each other, collaborating with each other.

I need you please. I am here for you too.

I have not turned my back on you, nor will I.

I am here girls, Ade, I am here.

Remember what LT said, don't let the trauma bully you. Be our usual kind soul, be gentle and tender with the thoughts, if they will listen let them know it is ok for them to stop now, we are out of danger, the BPs aren't here with us anymore.

Nor are the men LT, correct. They are all past.

[collectionoftulips]

hi! it's me! (once again, I'm so sorry if this is long or stupid, just feel free to ignore it!)

first of all, i dont know if it is intentional or if it is something that just grows out of you as you write further chapters, but i feel that these last chapters are more... intimate? i mean, they *feel* more intimate for us readers (or at least me). and it's so cool that as they begin trusting each other more and more, their relationship building up, so does the writing style. it's a bit magic, actually ✨

i would give my life for gregory and hyacinth in this fic, no questions asked. their support to anthony!!! i mean obviously the family is supportive, but something about the way they are so hyped warms my heart. and on the same line, i can already see hy and kate watching kate's old performances and kate helping her and becoming her role model, somehow (and anthony obviously melting at the sight of this)

also i feel like anthony every chapter when the new dance style is mentioned, searching on youtube. i know zero about dances so it is always fun and interesting to learn!!

i dont know what else to say, appart from that i love this fic and im always thinkin "oh i want to read the next one" and become frustrated when i just cant because of time. but it makes me happy to see the update email! and i find myself thinking of scenes througout my day

and... quotes time!!

"The lack of memory was not immediately apparent, but rather something that only became clear once he tried to backtrack his steps, there was just… nothing" im not going to lie, this sentence and at the beginning really scared me, i thought that he might have messed it up

"It wasn’t so much that he could remember seeing her, only that he could recall being aware of her." i GASPED. i don't know why, because it is actually not that huge, but this sentence really screams that he *likes* her, he *notices* her

"He told himself that there was something good about the fact that she waited by the door, holding it for him, instead of running in the other direction. That it was normal for the pang of affection that warmed his heart to be there as they stood almost near enough that he could smell the lilies of what he suspected was her hair conditioner." okay, this one is long but my sweet bean trying to convince himself that the pang is normal! oh sweetie

"The judges only saw a snapshot of his dancing, Kate saw everything, all the flaws and mistakes as well as the small progresses, and if she thought he could do this - who was he to disagree?" + "The certainty she expressed by stating this fact was almost enough to quell Anthony’s doubts" he trusts her so much and he is so moved by her trust, i could cry

"It was just dancing, Anthony knew that, but he couldn’t help but wonder if it didn’t feel a little bit like magic." just, screaming. that's it

and that final quote... my boy is flling fast!!

once again, thank you thank you thank you for this fic! im sorry if this is messy or has typos but im writing on the notes app so that i dont forget anything, just fresh out of the reading. anyway, thank you and have a great day! ❤️❤️💕

It is not long or 'stupid' in the slightest - don't apologise. I am just sorry it's taken me ages to respond. I blame the cold I had though, which seems to have robbed the concept of time from me entirely. I really love these asks I get, they genuinely make my day.

I'm so glad you feel like the chapters are growing gradually more intimate - it was definitely something I was hoping to convey with the progression of each chapter and each stage of the competition. I'm so thrilled you like it ❤️

I love writing Hyacinth and Gregory in this story. I also find their unwavering support for Anthony's endeavours really endearing and hopefully this most recent chapter that I just posted gives some extra context as to why and hints a bit more clearly at the type of relationship they have with him.

I don't know anything about these dances either and I actually look up some of the basic steps on YouTube and learn some vague rules for each dance to help me write it a bit better, and it's so much fun.

Genuinely, thank you so much for these asks, they are so sweet and kind ❤️ Been feeling a bit iffy about my writing recently and this helps me a lot not being all like 'I'm just gonna throw in the towel because clearly my writing is meh'. So thank you ❤️