#feel bad for their therapist
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MORE MCSM DOODLES!!!!🗣🗣‼️‼️
WARDEN CHAOS!! v v v
This is for a Vos lover 🫡😎‼️‼️🏳️🌈 (staring at u jasper)
Massive W broski
This is a legendary poorly drawn drawing from me
And yes all this were requests from my insta story
That includes the sans vs Warden one
Gotta be my fav
#jojo music starts playing#i never watched jojo#sadly#also ivor and soren#are at their daily couple therapy#feel bad for their therapist#mcsm#minecraft story mode#mcsm jesskas#mcsm warden#mcsm vos#mcsm ivor#mcsm soren#sans undertale#undertale#digital art#insta doods requests#☆
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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
Plain-text version:
Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
#hlep#original#mental health#my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need.#the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it#i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support#and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist.#the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28!#a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents.#they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of#huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the#longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong.#and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives.#you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead?#or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of.#no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow.#i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel#i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong.#just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop
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Meta Jazz, the Arkham Intern Therapist Pt1
Update 5/16/2024: Congrats guys, gals, and others! You have planted the seeds and they have grown. Today I wrote another 46 pages on this story (the first section was only 9 pages ya'll). I'm working on splitting it up into smaller sections so I can post it now because tumblr said no to doing it as one piece. I'll be using the tag #Meta Jazz Arkham Intern Therapist if you want to follow it.
Original Note: I'm going to go ahead and apologize for how OOC Bane is in this. It originally was Joker but I couldn't see Jazz tolerating his proximity for more than a single millisecond so Bane it is.
~*~*~
The hardest thing about being a Meta in Gotham was responding appropriately during a Rouge's attack, Jazz mused to herself. Or perhaps that was just the hardest part about being a Meta intern at Arkham while studying psychology at Gotham University. Or maybe it was just her, she considered watching the guards and Dr. Rylie whom she'd been shadowing for the past 2 weeks wide eyed, pale, and shaking as theybstared at Bane behind her. It must just be her, Jazz decided, newbie guard Kyle Jennings was definitely a Meta after all. She should probably give him some tips on hiding his enhanced strength considering how often he broke mugs, door handles, and other delicate items used in daily life.
"Weapons down or I'll snap her skinny little neck." Bane growled out, shaking her slightly for emphasis. She very much doubted that. Liminials were built different than the standard Meta, stronger, faster, better endurance, and senses even if they could mostly appear to be standard humans on the outside. As such, their bones and muscles were much were much denser than regular humans or even Meta humans. Technically, she could be considered "invulnerable" much like the Kryptonians are.
"Back up! Let him through!" Dr. Rylie shouted at the guards. "She's my student! Let him through!" His voice was higher pitched than she could recall hearing it before.
Ah. That was panic.
Jazz sighed involuntarily and glanced over her shoulder at Bane. Why the man had grabbed the only person close to his own height nearby was a mystery to her - no, nevermind, he clearly meant to use her as a shield - but it made looking him in the eye more difficult than necessary.
"Mr. Bane, remove your hands from my person, please." Jazz stated calmly, channeling what Danny called her inner mom as she spoke. "I will give you to one to comply."
Bane looked stunned for a moment then laughed.
"Five."
The laughing continued. Jazz could sense a stir of uncertainty through her colleagues as they looked on.
"Four."
"Did you really think that would work?" Bane snorted out, arms tensing more around her.
"Three." She continued, indifferent to his words from her experiences raising her brother. Once the count down starts you mustn't respond to anything the kids do or say until they comply or the count is done.
"What cab you even do if I don't?" Bane asked darkly breathing directly in her ear. She kept her face expressionless despite the urge to express disgust.
"Two."
"Jasmine..." Kyle whispered halfway across the hall from her looking on with a pained and horrified expression. Gun tilting towards the floor. Sloppy.
"One." She finished and Bane gave a derisive snort.
Then she was moving. Hauling the enormous man up and over her shoulder using the arm that had been wrapped around her neck. Bane hit the cold tile hard enough that the tiles, subfloor, structural supports, and part of the concrete foundation buckled beneath him. His shoulder popped out of joint, his wrist cracked - a hairline fracture by the sound of it - and his breath was punched out of him from the force of impact. She released his arm as soon as his was embedded in the tiles and moved forward. Kneeling over him, support most of her weight on her left foot resting on the broken ground, her right knees pressed firmly across his throat without supporting any of her weight. The position put more strain on her muscles than she would've liked but at least Bane couldn't risk fighting back without crushing his own neck in the process. He could hardly throw her while flat on his back with a mangled arm.
"Now," Jazz began, looking directly into the behemoth's pained eyes. "Do you know what you've done wrong?" She asked like she would have done with Danny as a child.
"Yes, Ma'am." Bane choked out. Jazz heard movement and murmuring behind her. She didn't turn to look.
"What did you do wrong?" She asked. It was important to make sure children correctly understood why they were in trouble after all. There was a long pause as Bane appeared to cast around for the exact right answer as if he feared getting it wrong. A bad habit Danny still uses as well, Jazz thought to herself.
"I tried to hold you hostage," He choked out in a rush, words tumbling over one another as he tried to get them all out. "I scared you coworkers and it was very disrespectful."
So he'd gone for the grab-bag response. It wasn't wrong per sey but it did indicate a past history of abuse. The type of answer given by someone who expected to be harmed or ignored if they gave the "wrong" answer. Danny tended to use that method also and their parents had always been negligent at best.
"And are you going to do it again?" She asked giving him a Look as she did. Bane's eyes widened and he tried to frantically shake his head as much as possible with the pressure on his neck.
"No, Ma'am." He promised fervently.
"Alright then," Jazz said giving him a warm smile. She gestured vaguely towards the guards without turning to look at them. "Kyle here is going to take you to see the nurse and then back to your room then. I'm sure you'll behave for him?"
"Yes, Ma'am. I'll behave." Bane said. Jazz stood slowly asking sure not to put any additional pressure on his neck as she did. Kyle came and stood next to her as the giant of a man slowly pulled himself to his feet then led him away with 5 other guards.
Jazz heaved a sigh. Well, time to find out whether or not she could play all that off as normal, non-Meta human behavior.
#dcxdp#dc x dp#dpxdc#dp x dc#jazz fenton#bane#arkham asylum#BAMF Jazz#Jazz is Danny's Mom#You cannot tell me that she didn't start viewing nearly every male around her as a child automatically after a life with Jack Danny and Vla#Feel free to add on#I was going to have one of the batkids show up toward the end#But it didn't have the same impact#And I don't think the guards had time to sound the alarm#Bane just got cleared from medical#Not even to his cell yet when he pulled this#Legit only tried because 'hey she's tall enough to be a human shield'#It was a bad decision lmao#Ngl Jazz's midwestern sensibilities would totally tell her Joker is a mad dog that needs to be put down#But I may be projecting#Meta Jazz#Arkham Intern Therapist#Meta Jazz AIT#MTAIT#AIT#Meta Jazz Arkham Intern Therapist#my original post#Because I reblog so much I now need that tag. lol
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I recently had to do a project in one of my psych classes, and man, I knew that CBT was used for every little thing, but seeing over and over, "do CBT! CBT is the best for every mental illness!" was so jarring. I'm absolutely biased because of my own experiences, but I just don't think it's as universal a treatment model as it's touted.
If you didn't benefit from CBT, it's not because you're lazy or didn't try hard enough or lacked intelligence or foresight into your own needs. Frankly, it's a therapy model that (I think) shouldn't be the only readily-accessible model and among the only therapy models covered by insurance. Some of us should not be treated in a CBT model and that's okay. It's not a sign of poor character or unreasonable demands, and if you don't think it's a model that works for you, then it's your right to express that!
#mental health#mental health advocacy#it was just so annoying because every resource i could access for this project often ONLY recommended cbt and#that just doesn't seem helpful for a good chunk of people#because i know i never benefitted from that model of therapy#obligatory: i am not against this therapy. me having a negative experience with it is not indicative that i believe it should be abolished'#if it works for you: KEEP DOING IT. cbt is not inherently harmful for MANY people and it's a good and valuable tool for many#but the overemphasis of cbt as the Only Therapy Model You Need sends this message that YOU failed...#...if you don't miraculously recover with that therapy model. it often feels like you'll Fail Recovery/Therapy and you're now a Bad Person#i've tried for over a decade to stick out cbt with a dozen therapists to boot. so i think i know a thing or two about my experiences with it#and overall its an unimpressive model (for me) as someone whos had a history with abuse and miscellaneous mental knickknacks rattling around#it's also frustrating because i genuinely like psych and i love learning about people#it's just. i'm tired of only being exposed to cbt (because i hate it honestly)#i feel similarly about cbt as i do with sigmund fucking frued#anyway i just want other insane people (affectionate) to remember that they deserve to not beat themselves up over this#if you're an insane person reading this: i love you i love you i love you i love you#i will share a slice of cake and homemade bread with you <3
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I’m sending this anonymously but this is NOT anon hate
You are such a good person, i think. Your latest post(as of 4:10pm Arizona, US time) spoke to me really hard. My father is a cop, in the united states, arizona, duh. And he used to be such a good person, he was a security guard and a damn good one too, and later in he became a prison guard because it paid better, and then he joined the police force.
I’d like to think that hes one of the good ones, and for the most part he is. A lot of my delinquent friends over the years who’ve had run-ins with him say that he gets them breaks, he takes care of them, hes a good cop. I’ve even seen body camera footage of him in the field and i’m proud to say that hes my dad. He calls out bad actors where he sees them, and he gets punished for it. He doesnt see the system or how his punishments are by design. And he continues turning in his cog, begrudgingly, and slightly out of time, but he thinks hes making a difference
Sorry for the ramble and essay, i just wanted to say that i really like your blog and i think you are a very nice human being. Thank you for sharing your perspective.
P.s. i’m totally basing an oc off of your outlook on security. You strike me as more of a superhero than a security guard.
-🦕 anon
Oh, that’s a super flattering take and a valuable perspective- so thank you! But I’m a gullible dumbass, and not even an incredibly smart or fit one- I just want people to be happy and safe. That’s all. And I don’t want to BE a cop, I’ve NEVER wanted to be a cop, but every time the request comes around I feel like I’m wearing down.
I keep wondering if I could help MORE in a position like that.
Probably like your dad did.
Here, people know they’re safe with me because I shut down the gunhappy jerks, but I don’t know how long it would take to truly make a difference in public security, or how many of my morals I’d have to compromise to get to that point
I feel objectively like a system so archaic and flawed can’t be changed from the inside, but another part of me says that you don’t need to change an entire system to make a difference where it counts
I believe that so many bad situations and life-changing moments can be diverted or changed by a single person in the right place at the right time- and I figure, if I trust myself to do the right thing and BE the right person, shouldn’t I do my best to put myself in those places?
But good intentions, roads to hell, you know? I don’t WANT to be a cop. But I want to be able to DO SOMETHING about the thinks I dislike seeing in conflicts. SOMEONE has to be willing to do that, right?
I’m not religious, you know? But the devil can be very convincing
#I don’t trust cops#I’ve met bad cops#but a lot of bad things have been done by people in systems of power willing to go against orders#And boy howdy am I good at going against orders#And I like people#I genuinely like people#The hero thing is very kind of you#But mostly I just like feeling like I can make things better#We all need to believe that we can make things better#idk#I’ve met shit cops#But ive also met shit guards#And here I am as a guard#stealing their place#so as long as I’m here#they can’t be#I outrank the bastards now#So they have no power#Is that a healthy five year plan#or do I need to talk to my therapist some more#Fuck my life I’m tired#Do you think your dad was a good person anon?#Do you think he made the world better?#Teablart#tagging for later
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"No, don't - don't come any closer."
"Reg-" "Please, please, I don't want you to see me like this, just let me - let me clean myself up and-"
"You're shaking."
"Sorry."
"You don't - Reg - Regulus, stop, hey," he takes the other boy by the arm as he tries to get past him, pulling him in.
"I'm sorry," Regulus says again. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so fucking sorry."
"Sh, sh, it's alright, we're alright," Regulus is flush against his chest, head tucked beneath his chin.
"I don't know why I'm crying."
"You don't need to have a reason." "You shouldn't have to come home to this." "What are you talking about? I get to come home to you. That's all that matters." Regulus shakes his head against James's shirt, sniffling. "I'll get myself together." "I don't mind you apart." "I meant to have dinner ready." "I'm not hungry." "James." "Regulus." "I don't know what's wrong with me," he says miserably. "Nothing, nothing's wrong," and then, after a brief pause, and in a voice so gentle Regulus doesn't know how it's even possible: "You're just depressed." Regulus half-laughs and half-sobs into James. "You have no tact, anyone ever tell you that? No tact at all."
"You tell me all the time," kissing the top of his head and holding him more tightly. A few seconds pass before: "I love you, you know?"
Regulus's hands are all twisted up in James's shirt, a wounded noise coming out of his mouth. "I thought it might stop, now that..." "That?" "You and I are..that we're so good. I thought it might stop." "Don't think it works like that."
"I'm sorry." "No," kissing his head again. His temple. His ear. His cheek. "I don't mind Regulus, I really don't. You just need to tell me, okay? Tell me when you feel it coming on, and I'll know and I'll be here."
#when i feel bad i write james comforting regulus#and i feel better#im sure a therapist would have a field day with that one#jegulus#soph rambles#regulus black#james potter
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i love when ppl draw bumblebee like the happy little creachure he is but also i love when people draw bumblebee like he's had 500 beers in the last 1 hour and still the pain won't even ebb
#bonus when they do both by making him just utterly psychotic but he smiles so no one notices#i am a shameful idw bee enjoyer but like in the tired af ppl pleasing libra girl who needs a therapist so fking bad but#has 700000 billion duties and 900000000 billion expectations and mean bitches in his ear telling him hes stupid#sense#and not the he feels like an officer sense like no my queen is just a teachers pet doing her best which is her worst im afraid#anyways i love bee hes very indignant and a bitch but also im gonna stand beside her sorry#u do not understand how powerful it was to give him a cane . a literal crutch to hold onto to feel stronger even when ratchet says he doesnt#have to anymore but yet bee still insists bcs he doesnt have time for the repairs itll take when others cannot survive#and 2 it comforts him with support and also power and so he cradles it close with the idea of him being weak & needing smthing else#to make him strong#even tho at this point it's rlly just for comfort but he cant afford to allow himself to have comfort when others cant#or dont need it in his heroism ideals (specifically optimus being seen as so much stronger than him)#optimus also had bee tho. had him. but bee is so self conscious he just sees all his failures surrounding optimus & views himself not a#crutch to lean on but a crutch to optimus' character#he rlly needed rodimus and his fiery upbeat persona so they could fake it till they made it together and he left & fucking exploded#(in bees eyes)#like idk im just obsessed with this little tryhard loser#he islike a sad little clingy mother who refuses to think herself as human. she is just mother. lives off evrryones accomplishments#never her own#idk like hes so interesting tonme i want to kill him teehee#chew on him like sponge cak#bumblebee#transformers#tf bumblebee#tf idw#idw#tf#????#maccadam#i hate not knowing waht tag to use
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Oh man I really hope Lefty wakes up soon. Seems like the lack of cortisol is really hitting you hard. 'Bout ready to start a cult to the Adrenal Gods to make things better for you.
Hope you feel better soon!!
thank you anon!! i am not doing well but i really appreciate your kind thoughts!! please please pray to the adrenal gods. pray for me.
#sci speaks#feeling absolutely horrid. but trying so hard.#everyone tells me i look so good for someone who is medically depressed. but. i do not feel good.#i feel very very bad.#keeping it together and doing my work and making all the appearances i need to. but something like a puppet.#don't know what the fix is. will talk to my doctors on thursday.#i'm talking to a therapist and he's sweet. i hope we get somewhere.#i know i feel awful but i do feel proud of all the things i'm doing to try and pull myself out of this.#it reminds me that. i care about myself a lot. and will do anything in my power to feel well again.#will exhaust every avenue until i'm good again.
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Finally made my own twst mc
It only took like 6 months of playing to cave lol
#Really feeling the therapist friend vibes#twst#twst oc#idia shroud#twst yuu#original character#their real magic ability is emotional support#twisted wonderland#sorry for my bad handwriting
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People be like, how you doing? And I'm like, Loop is never going to see their family again.
#Isat#Isat spoilers#Isat loop#I'm just. Thinking so hard.#About Loop and what happened at the end of the loops#And what dev said about when you restart the game#Is it a different loop is it the same loop will loop every be free?#Did loop wish themself into a new loop of helping other thems reach their goal?#Either way.... Loop will never see their family again. Because they have Changed and their family has not.#God fuck fuck I love them and I hate them in equal measures#If I ever met them I don't even know what I would do first#Probably give them contact information to a real good therapist???#But honestly I think I'd hug them if they'd let me cause I would burst into tears if they were real#Loop is my worst nightmare because I was loop and I think that's the bad part of the whole ordeal#What do you do when your family can not help you but you help yourself? Are the bonds the same? Different?#How do you reconcile that with your love for your family?#God this little bitch makes me feel so much
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Sometimes you just need to cry while your partner holds you <3
Proshippers/adjacent dni. 100000 shark attack 🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈 also Zooble self ship doubles dni
#self ship community#self ship#f/o x s/i#safeship#safeshipping#safeship community#tadc#the amazing digital circus#tadc zooble#tadc self ship#🔺️🍥 Plastiscene 🐶🌈#anyway hi guess who had a really bad mental breakdown yesterday 👍#I staryed this last night but was so exhausted I couldn't finish it#it's just a quick thing I did to comfort myself after all of that#Wafflez has a bad habit of bottling up their emotions#< just like me (they are me lol)#it's a bad habit of mine but in my situation I don't really have a choice but to do it#my family has made it clear they don't have any intentions of learning about my mental illness#< And they don't understand my feelings or trauma at all#and my therapist refuses to diagnose me eith anything or give me proper treatment#AND there isn't a psychiatrist anywhere out here who will see me#so basically I'm just kind of fucked lol#I like to imagine Zooble would let me release all of it#they'd let me be open and honest about everything I struggle with#and they'd let me yell about how unfair it is that so many people have hurt me and gotten away with it#they wouldn't make me feel bad or stupid for feeling my emotions ''the wrong way''#I lovr them so much and I wish they were real <3#didn't mean to say that muchin the tags sorry lol
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I'll be putting the legally adopted + Damian and Alfred only because the list will be too long otherwise.
#dick grayson is tricky because on one hand he's great at playing therapist for everyone else#but when it comes to his own feelings? good lord#the rest of the siblings are bad with both theirs and others'#alfred is a hit or miss really#never forget who he raised to be the most emotionally repressed man who copes by dressing up as a bat to beat up criminals#alfred pennyworth#dick grayson#nightwing#jason todd#red hood#cassandra cain#batgirl#black bat#tim drake#red robin#damian wayne#robin#dc comics#dc#batfamily#batfam
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My god.
I’m rewatching S2E14 ‘Tipping Point’ and am reminded once again of the terrors that Crosshair experienced while on Tantiss.
As a collective, we realize he’s traumatized. But that still feels like an understatement because do we actually know the extent of his trauma? Are we aware of everything they did to him?
I wonder what was running in his mind as Hemlock began his ‘interrogations.’
Did he think,“Is this what my life has lead up to? Is this what I was made for?”
I’d imagine he went through a maelstrom of emotions. Denial, anger, grief, anguish. Maybe it went something along the lines of,
“Why did they leave me?”
Or
“Perhaps I’m meant to suffer. I deserve this.”
I’m just… feeling so deeply for him right now. And knowing that he makes it out alive, that he gets to retire on Pabu is enough solace to not spiral too deeply into his pain, but this still hurts like a mother.
#don’t touch me I’m IN MY FEELS#somebody give Crosshair a hug#and a therapist#and a lifetime supply of comfort food#late night thoughts with jill#star wars#the bad batch#tbb#tbb crosshair#crosshair bad batch#crosshair#bad batch crosshair
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Jonathan Crane, also known as: Creator of the World's Worst Exposure Therapy.
#this would be his title on a dating show#truly the man could change lives#too bad he likes ruining them instead#it reminds me of a crime show#i can't remember the name#where a therapist would try 'exposure therapy' with his patients#and then kill them under those pretenses#the scene of him tricking a man who couldn't swim#into drowning in a lake#kind of haunts me#but it also feels like something jon would do#shit can get dark#hi i'm rambling in the tags again#jonathan crane#scarecrow
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I think I feel like..... 85% relief toward the people who are now getting into political activism, who are getting involved and reading and doing the work and staying updated and speaking out
But I have to admit.... I am like 15% frustrated that it took this long. That us pleading and yelling about it earlier didn't impact them. That us warning them that this would happen didn't sway them. That it had to get to a point where they personally feel like they are in danger for them to start caring
I don't want to come across like I'm shaming people for getting involved now, second best time to plant a tree and whatnot, it's a good thing you're here now, please stay involved and taking care of yourselves so you're able to....... but I can't lie and say it's not disappointing, and I wish I had a better place to put that feeling
#like... my ex therapist (white cishet man) told me in 2020#(paraphrased) “i wouldn't go to protest in the streets now [during the height of blm protests]#“but i would if trump was elected again”#and internally i was like...... but why aren't you Now? why don't you care Now? (i knew the answer)#and it's not that i necessarily expected him to go out and protest then#but what hit me was the like... disregard of people who are actively in danger & those that died bc of it#but the regard he had for *his* personal safety and *his* personal perception of danger for himself#and seeing other people talk about stuff NOW when THEY'RE in danger#brings up similar feelings of sitting in his office begging and arguing with him to listen to me#bc it was such a perfect parallel to what was going on irl trying to talk to people#I'd bring up racism and trauma regarding it and he'd get defensive or be dismissive and it's just#idk. I'm glad y'all are on board now. i wish you would have listened before it got this bad#non religion#negative -#maybe idk#*edit it might have been 2021 i honestly can't remember
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Really fucked up that two ppl can care about each other and make their best efforts to communicate and still end up hurting each other so badly they cannot stand to be in the same room.
#my stuff#i feel soooo bad talking to my therapist about the same topics over multiple weeks#like i feel like they're sooo sick of it like damn can this bitch get Over It alreadyyyy#hi yes actually can we talk about the near catastrophic sense of betrayal and loss that has haunted my soul for over a month?#can we talk about how I overcompensate for other's possible feelings and emotions to desperately mask my terror at feeling out of control#can we talk about how even when I know ppl acted with logical reasons necessary for their situation it still hurt me?#and that this pain fills me up with so much anger and frustration that I'm powerless to put anywhere that won't hurt someone#so it just cooks me inside and makes me grind my teeth constantly for weeks#im so angry i did not deserve to be treated like this it's not fair and I have no capacity to fix it or control when it feels better#i just have to survive and wait until i forget about it and hope they don't decide to reach out and fuck it all up#cause i can see that happening#i'll finally be free of thinking about them and generally going about my day unbothered and they'll ask to get coffee or something#and I have no idea what I should do in that scenario. because I don't think we can be friends.#and you have not treated me with the compassion and warmth I treated you#i would want to say mean things. hurtful things. I would want to bite back for once.#and that's not me. that's not who I want to be.#i don't wanna see you. go away. don't talk to me if you're not going to make the pain go away.
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