#fearful of offending others
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Kaiba is so gay that he make other gays looked straight
#yugioh#prideshipping#kaiba seto#atem#yami yugi#don't mind me#I've been neglecting this blog for too long#insecure about my opinions#fearful of offending others#focus on art until i'm burned out#thinking I should only draw and not engaging in other stuffs#when in fact shipping should be about enjoyment#and if I hate drawing I should do other stuffs like shitpost and writing
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“test” - Jegulus microfic - @into-the-jeggyverse - 244 words
“Hey!” Sirius says when Regulus and James get home. “How did it go?”
“Really well! I think I’m ready.” Regulus tells him.
“Really?” Sirius asks skeptically.
“Yes, Sirius. I’ll be fine.” Regulus rolls his eyes and turns to James. “Will you tell him?” He throws an aggravated hand towards Sirius.
James’ eyes go wide, and he looks nervously from Sirius to Regulus and back again as he rubs the back of his neck.
“Uhh… well, he did… better…” James says cautiously.
“See!” Regulus gives Sirius a haughty look.
“James?” Sirius asks.
“Umm… well…” James starts, eyeing Regulus warily. “He only ran one stop sign today… and only hit the curb twice. And no trees… ‘came out of nowhere’.” James uses air quotes. “So, it was an improvement, but I still think… umm... maybe a few more days of practice before you take the test.” James says tentatively.
Regulus huffs and crosses his arms over his chest as he glares at James.
“You’ll get there, love. Just need more practice.” James tries to appease him with a kiss then starts to slowly back out of the room.
“Where do you think you’re going?” Regulus narrows his eyes at him.
“I…umm… need to go talk to Mr. Jenkins about his mailbox.” James says awkwardly.
“What happened to his mailbox?” Sirius asks.
James grimaces and Sirius raising a questioning eyebrow at Regulus.
“Fine!” Regulus throws his hands up. “Maybe one more day of practice.” He says and stomps out of the room.
#james is so awkward trying very hard not to offend regulus#he's very supportive#he just fears for his life and the lives of others#when regulus is behind the wheel#regulus loves james#james loves regulus#jegulus#jegulus microfic#jegulus fanfiction#marauders fanfiction#regulus black#james potter#marauders#james x regulus#regulus x james#marauders era#harry potter marauders#harry potter#hp#hp marauders#dead gay wizards from the 70s#dead gay wizards#starchaser#sunseeker#jeggyverse microfic#sirius black
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Not a Mammalians Problem
Lorne - Gwendoline Christie
Severance - Season 2, Episode 3 - Who Is Alive
Lorne Gifs 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / ?
#i was gonna gif the whole scene (by which i mean including mark s and helly r) but actually that's a loooot of gifs#so just lorne it is!#if anyone actually requests them i'll do them but i think other people probably have them covered#anyway two more sets to come and then i'm done with this episode just in time for the next episode coming out#i love how *offended* lorne is by the idea that she and her department might be afraid of mdr#they have an entire goat army to sic on people they have no fear#i noticed doing these that mammalians' key cards are green whereas mdr's cards are blue so now i need to go back and check what o&d's are#severance#severance season 2#severance season two#lorne#lorne severance#severance lorne#gwendoline christie#severance gifs#severance spoilers#gwendoline christie gifs#readingtheentrails gifs
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Been sittin on this for a while
#fic writing problems#on the one hand. I’m pretty sure nobody would really care#but on the other. I am convinced I would be committing like. sacrilege somehow#is it the moderate OCD my most recent review was indicative of? or do I just fear offending somebody?#who knows 🤷🏽♀️#ghost band fic
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Hiii, i love your stuff and kinda from a distance really look up at you for, in my perception, being able to express yourself without giving a fuck. Thats sick dude, Im so so afraid, of absolutely everything, its nice to think like i might grow into someone less apologetic of my existence. Nice to see people just being yknow
hey, thank you, this is really really nice. the secret that is probably not a secret is that i am also deeply afraid a lot of the time lmao -- but less than i used to be, and in ways that feel less stifling and self-suffocating, if that makes sense.
like, it used to be "i'm scared that if i express myself the way i want to, everyone will find me obnoxious, so let's just sand those edges down to be safe" -- now my fears are more like "now that i'm expressing myself in a way that feels natural and real, i'm afraid that it's all stupid/vapid/not worthwhile or meaningful" (<- specifically abt my art) or "i'm happy that i talk and act the way i want to now, but what if it makes me impossible to befriend," etc etc etc. which still feels bad and puts me in a funk a lot of the time but at least it's a fear that comes After/in reaction to doing stuff, rather than a fear that STOPS me from doing stuff, you know? like, it's evolved into a kind of fear that's less in my way.
anyway. i believe you'll experience something like this, because wanting to grow is the first step of growing. the fact that u hope or wish for something different means you're already on your way. to fewer fucks!! or at least distributing the fucks u give in a way that serves u better
#stuff like accepting that i'm reserved and i'm not very accessible via messages.#or that my online tone isn't very bubbly and it's weird and uncomfortable to force it.#i stop letting fears about that shape my behavior ('i'll look mean or snotty so let's force markers of Friendliness to avoid that!!') -#- and instead act the way i want to and then trade it in for new fears that come After the action.#also a good reminder to give urself is that if ur fear is abt how other ppl perceive u (as 90% of mine is personally)#u really... can't actually control that. and being very very anxious abt it all the time is usually ur brain throwing a tantrum abt not--#--having that control. bc it is understandably very scary that u don't have that control#as much as it sucks + is terrifying the truth is the only thing u can do is ask urself 'am i behaving in a way that i'm proud of'#'am i behaving in a way that's in alignment w my values + what i think is important'#bc if the answer to that is yes and somebody hates u or is deeply offended by ur existence anyway. well. literally not ur problem#but obv being at peace w that is way way easier said than done + requires tons of practice and will take. probably. years. which is fine#i am stuck with myself. i can either contort myself forever trying to be someone everyone will like and find totally nonthreatening and-#inoffensive and in the process exhaust myself totally and never feel safe or natural myself. OR#i can say okay. so i am a kind of prickly guy with stern and drab speech patterns and close to no social energy. and i think i can still be#-sexy and fun this way. and it is up to other ppl to figure out if they can agree w me on that#ANYWAY enough rambling for now. just another one of those things i think abt a lot so i have a lot of ready-made sentences abt it in mind
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gu xiang saving that singing girl and kicking ass, then being surprised that she doesn't get in trouble just because "she was in the right" will forever be one of my favorite scenes in the show tbh
#soph rewatches woh#just. how clear it is she expects the yueyang sect disciples to protect these assholes#bc she grew up in a place where being strong matters more than being right#and because all she knows of the 'righteous' sects is their corruption#especially given her connection to luo fumeng#so of COURSE she assumes the 'righteous' offenders will be exonerated#who cares about some unimportant singing girl eh?#who'd believe her over them?#and the thing is that 90% of the time she'd be right#and despite having no hope that anyone would take her side she STILL does this#potentially jeopardizing her plans to get into yueyang sect as well#she's just so GOOD#she grew up in a boiling pot of fear and second-hand trauma#and people who adored her but that meant keeping her alive first#teaching her to keep herself alive at any cost#and she is still so fiercely determined to protect others#maybe because the people who love her protected her. maybe because she knows they couldn't always protect themselves
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almost wrote another rant post but like. words aren’t working so. i’m just posting this? for no fucking reason?
shoutout to Talulah. they aren’t on here, they just deserve a shout out. i instantly feel like a billion times more comfy when they’re around and i can actually be silly goofy me which is. rare these days and very nice.
#also shoutout to Kat for listening to me vent for like a solid hour today including about things i can’t really say to anyone else#and to Em for being my other comfort person#especially at work#also to Ryan but i don’t have time or words for that right now#also just#back to the Talulah thing#they just. get me??? in a way that very very few people do?#*like my friends get me now. i just mean like. when u don’t know people super well they usually don’t read u super well. but Talulah does#i don’t have to worry all the time about them misinterpreting me or things like that#they just somehow like. know where I’m coming from and how i mean things? so i don’t have to worry about accidently offending them#or coming off as a bad person or rude when I’m just being awkward#like i usually am like. painfully stilted with people i’m becoming friends with bc i’m terrified of overstepping and making people uncomfy#(y’know the whole age-old fear that any form of affection from me is so disgusting that it’s like. borderline harmful.)#(god i’d really like to let go of that. like. being disliked i can handle. hurting people or making them uncomfortable? kill me)#(but also like. i don’t think i’m some gross harmful monster like i used to? so idk why my brain still thinks people are gonna be repulsed-#(by me caring for them. who fuckin knows. brains are assholes.)#idk they’re one of those very rare people that is so fucking nonjudgmental that they just rádiate chillness#they’re kind and compassionate and understanding and FUNNY and inclusive and yeah#they’re just kinda fucking fantastic#last person i was so instantly comfortable around was probably Finn and that’s bc they blew past any and all social barriers within like#the first hour#and i love him so much for that#wow i miss Finn#it’s been a minute#this turned into a positive ramble and i’m here for it#personal#OH also to add to the positive vibes if i ever reread this:#remember playing froggy finger football with Talulah at the brewery?#being so into it that Ryan and Sophie set a timer for how long we ingored them while we played with the plastic frog?#yeah. good times.
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feeling complicated things this wednesday at 2pm
#thinking abt how at the tail end of high school both friend groups Completely cut me off..one because 1 girl was jealous the other#was soending more time with me and was tired of being essentially bullied by her. but not enough to not cut me out :')#and the other bc the Main Girl decided she didnt like me calling her out for being a jackass so she condemned me and the rest were too#afraid to challenge her lol. they ended up literally replacing me with a kid 2 yrs younger that i had previously been assigned as big siste#to??? lol and even she was happy to be included which. fine she was a kid not really her fault#but then 1 month after graduating wgich i sat thru Alone omi had her 1st stroke and then the hospital failed to notice the 2nd one she had#in their care. so my best and only friend in the world had her life stolen from her and her biggest fear realized overnight.#so ofc i completely shut down and ny mom is so personally offended by this she becomes wildly cruel and bullies the fuck out of ME#and i had already been suicidal for like a decade at that point and was Only staying alive for her sake. suddenly that was all for nothing#so i give up get into drugs and alcohol after having never touched any if it VEHEMENTLY being against it at all but fuck it at that point#which spirals into me dating my ex who was my new boss after my parents forced me to get a new job despite already deciding i was gonna kms#so he sexually harasses me until i say sure fuck it why not . except it turns out i fall in love easily. bc i had never dated before.#and then im public enemy number one for this and all the family friends and STRANGERS regardless of watching ne grow up or not#decide to jump on the lets attack slash be rude to slash bully this kid even more so they KNOW we dissaprove#anyway. its been a very long 9 years.#this is me Still leaving significant shit out too. god lol i was ROBBED of my early adulthood truly
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you know im realizing now. with the exception of a few resident psychiatrists, ive had like. no good experiences with mental health professionals
#most recent occurance is eating my brain alive right now because I feel just so. degraded and offended by how she chose to evaluate me#I won’t get into it because it will make me spiral even more and get angrier and more overwhelmed but tldr she didn’t acknowledge#anything I said about my symptoms both out loud and via written test. chose to ignore or dismiss anything that came from me#as if I couldn’t be trusted to recount my own experiences and feelings. also did not take into account that I am an adult and thus have Had#to learn to mask and shit so while she brushed off So Much Shit because i seemed (in the three hours she met/saw me)#functional Enough. that’s only becuaee I put in a Lot of effort every day to do so. and that effort does not last forever#and of course because. like I said I’m an adult. I’ve been yelled at I’ve been punished I’ve been put through courses and#through the ringer of Society in general to the point where I mimic Normal Person Behavior at least somewhat decently when im prepared to do#so. she treated me like a child and didn’t acknowledge most of my major issues. ignored me when I said I don’t avoid social situations out#of fear/anxiety I avoid them because it takes a lot of energy for me to mask and try and read people and act accordingly#and in her report suggested generalized anxiety. part of the reason I was there is because anxiety HASNT ever properly described my#avoidant behavior.#and just. yeah I said I wouldn’t get into it but here we are. this always happens#it’s just eating at me because I keep realizing more and more things she just fucking disregarded. literally wrote that I ‘listed many#relevant symptoms’ and kept it at that. did not actually give those symptoms any validity. basically just implied I was listing things#just. becuase?#some shit was just blatantly wrong like claiming that I have a variety of interests when I told her outright that I can only be interested#in one specific interest at a time- example being the entirety of last year being only interested in One (1) video game. and this is to such#an extent that it’s difficult to make and maintain friendships because I have no interest in anything else but that One Thing for however#long and won’t care about other things people try to get me into in order to have something in common with me or whatever or just. yeah.#issues.#she didn’t acknowledge the issues I have with low empathy or overstimulation. didn’t acknowledge my history of taking things literally to#such an extent that it has caused problems with people. didn’t acknowledge anything that was self-reported and not being displayed in that#moment right in front of her eyes. it’s just. really really disappointing and. yeah degrading honestly#especially because it took months upon MONTHS to get this fucking appointment#and to just be not listened to and dismissed.#anyway. yeah I’ve also just only ever had really shallow relationships with therapists (at best)#and have never felt helped by them or like they ever put in much effort to try to Get to me so to speak. only my psychiatrists have#been open minded and Listened to me. but they were always residents so they’d leave in a year or so. I don’t have one at this point.#kibumblabs
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Something that's really crystallized for me in recent months is that the kind of performative hype (or pre-emptive disappointment) that goes on in social media spaces is simply not something I can be heavily party to if I want to have an honest experience with a game.
Rumor-mongers, streamers, influencers-- what are they to me? What is their opinion to me? They are not me. They have not lived my life nor do they have my specific set of biases. They are not possessed of the specific lens through which I would naturally experience the story and mechanics. They cannot give me my opinion, nor am I motivated in any way to adopt theirs because of that whole authenticity issue.
But if I try to divine what the "acceptable" or most common opinions are, it does little but destroy my ability to enjoy anything at all. It makes me want to hide it if I do enjoy it for fear of punishment. And let's be real here--there's a metric fuckton of poison and faux anticipation out there that's generated for no other reason than engagement.
Truth lies in the one on one experience with the game, relatively free of influence or the social pressure to agree to anyone's take.
#fandom wank#-ish#I've watched people say they love a thing and go nuts over all the reasons why...but the moment their favorite fan or influencer talks shit?#Suddenly it's negativity all the way down#Like night and day.#Likewise... I've watched people hype themselves up not over information they truly have but feed off others' energy...#and then claim they were lied to when all they imagined didn't transpire *just so*.#I had no hype or expectations for FF16.#I was depressed and played the demo to do something other than sit and emotionally rot.#All I had was a friend and a family member telling me I should check it out. Minimal pressure. Just some honest recs with zero chance of#clout fishing.#And what do you know? Without the need to form what others might call a 'correct opinion' or the fear that my enjoyment might offend...#It turned out to be a fucking *magical* experience.
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i feel like something people really need to understand is that having a panic attack feels like you’re dying. this isn’t hyperbole or anything, to the person experiencing the panic attack it feels like they are dying or will die soon. there is no logical thought in the person’s mind because they are experiencing such acute fear; and this isn’t something they can control nor does it mean that they are an “illogical” or “crazy” person. even if one doesn’t have a panic disorder or has never experienced a panic attack, i’m sure they could imagine how scared and illogical they may act if they felt they were moments from death.
#vent#last night i was reminded again that i don’t have the luxury of my anxiety and panic disorder being#‘silent diseases’ or ‘silent struggles’#i acted in a way that was to the outside observer irrational crazy scary etc because i was trapped by fear#i’m not saying that others are in the wrong for being shocked offended or scared#but i feel like when people witness someone in a panicked state#i just wish they could understand for a moment how real the fear is for the person affected#it’s honestly why i’ve always hated people online and such who make a spectacle out of people screaming or sobbing in public#because of course (understandably) the observers are shocked and afraid#but the person who is ‘acting out’ is undoubtably much much more afraid than anyone else
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All the time. Sometimes when I reread something I realize it's a bunch of half baked thoughts that are coming out in the worst way possible, or I just realize I have no damn clue what I'm talking about, and sometimes I'm giving my opinion as a fact.
What's worse is I'm usually tired when I do that, so I usually don't catch myself. I have many comments I am embarrassed of but am too embarrassed to go back and reread it to either delete it, add on some kind of apology, or edit it to make sense.
So I just pretend they don't exist.
...
I probably should go back and fix the ones that I know about...
do you ever start writing a comment on the internet and then think “oh what the fuck am i going on about” and delete it
#ive been learning that free will is the most important thing#and trying to push my opinions on others#or shame someone for offending me in hopes that they change what they say/do/maybe even think about something#are both infringements of freewill#i see that Christians do that so very much#but the loud majority that i personally see do that the most is the LGBTQ+ community#but that is just what ive seen#not a fact#why did i do this ramble again?#how is it connected to the post?#genually forgot what we are talking about#oh yeah. comments#uhhh. I guess my point is...#you can use free will to stop others from using their's#stop others from stopping other's free will#ignore what offends you (if its online)#or be passive and let fear of other's free will stopping “abilities” stop your free will#(“” because i believe with the right people/tools no one can stop you)#again#i dont know why im rambling about free will.#i guess its on my mind or something
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bout five years ago today I'd tell you I don't really have strong stances on anything, that Id rather not get involved in other people's business.
But I can sure as shit tell you now that billionaires aren't fucking human and every single one of them should hunt down for sport.
#fuck being in the centre. because as ive gotten older and close to becoming a legal adult and im done hearing everyone out.#i have had nothing but my life fucked over by fucking pigs in suits stuffing their fat slabbering holes with other peoples money#and they only want more. more and more they fucking take from us while we wilt and rot.#they divide us between identity and origin so we dont turn our heads to the real problem while they stuff more down their gullets#a majority of them convicted criminals and offenders and yet they still rule in power#and my honest opinion? i want them dead. i want to see them squeal amd shreik as they get dragged from their luxury villas#as they get thrown to the curb and made to face the people they've stole from.#the powers at large fucking fear our unity. remember that.
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Personal opinion that I will not give up on (as I do with most stuff like this) is that Yamaguchi Tadashi is a soft dom
Not a bottom
A soft dom
I need more people who agree with me and make fanart and rec fics and all
Like at first I was like why do people ship it this way, Tsukki is clearly a bottom, but then I realized, in other ships he is a bottom, meaning that they don't think Tsukki is a top, they think Yamaguchi is a bottom, which I mean they are entitled to their opinions, but I just don't see it
Just because he's shorter and more submissive in the relationship doesn't mean he's a bottom. I just don't see either Kei as a top, nor Tadashi as a bottom, and it just feels insulting to me when I see fanart or incorrect quotes or headcanons where it's obvious that the person thinks otherwise, I know they're not trying to and there's not right way to go about these things, but it just makes me feel so insulted, and especially since most people think like that (I wanna say ya basic but I really don't wanna offend people)
#Also if you know can you please tell me if they have any other reason to think this other than tall=top and short=bottom?#And like Kei is mean Tadashi is bearing it? Which just don't make sense#are basic thinking and kind of actually insulting?#Again not that I'm offended or anything but it just doesn't feel right#yamatsukki#only one tag#idk how the shippers are gonna react#just hope they're not like j*ly shippers#i like the ship but I fear if I don't censor it they're gonna find me
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I find it insane that some girl asked if I was gay when she’s the one who in my Islamic private school with only girls classes for the most part and wearing Muslim fitting uniforms (and btw I would make my clothes extra baggy btw so you don’t notice anything of my body to begin with 😭) told me I have a nice body LIKE WTF WAS I MEANT TO RESPOND TO THAT FIRST OF ALL ??? AND SECOND HOW ARE YOU ASKING IF IM THE GAY ONE WHEN YOURE COMMENTING ON MY BODY AS A GIRL 😭
#dora daily#I fear mini Noor was definitely the catch she got boys her age#boys in her younger brothers grade and in their 20s and old ones too and this girl as well#GIRL … How dare you judge me when you give me such a closeted esque comment behave yourself 😭#fyi I’m just being silly in the other tags I don’t actually think I’m anything of a catch I swear 😭 it’s just those ppl I listed are#absolutely stupid#and they have zero taste LMAO#oh I forgot to mention cousins too LMFAOOOO 😭 anyways the cousin that was acting up with me#last time I went to Iraq had a kidney stone rn 😭 I’m ngl rlly worried abt him kidney stones are scary#wait back on topic tho I’m very confused as to what she meant#like what part of my body cause my mum implied I’m flat the other time I was so offended actually 😭#maybe that girl meant skinny ? (even tho my dysmorphia says that’s not the case a few ppl commented on me being skinny?) but then if that#were the case she would’ve said skinny right esp cause that girl who said it is SUPER skinny#I’m so confused I think she’s blind too
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Seems so taboo to say but most people following their big dreams in life have wealthy and supportive families behind. the rugs to rich is often exaggerated or just a survivorship bias of that one loser poor af person who made it
#idk why this is a truth that so many people refuse to acknowledge or is offended to hear#also most people need the proverbial catalyst moment a very disruptive thing that make em change. most don't have that and are paralysed by#fear and god knows what other reason idg why average joe is so judged
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