#family is 2 hours away
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nothing sadder than reading back on old texts reminiscing on when life was actually good and you werenāt alone
#this time last year i was confident and happy#and i had friends i loved that loved me#and i had a job i was great at#i was a literal girlboss#everyone at my job looked up to me#i was doing great in school#i went to therapy#i was surrounded by family#i was HAPPY#and now iāmā¦here#family is 2 hours away#all my friends grew away from me#i havenāt been able to make new friends#it feels impossible here#i canāt afford therapy anymore#iām getting treated like shit at my new job despite me trying my best#and this city fucking sucks !!!!#i used to be happyā¦..and now iām here and iām miserable and i regret ever leaving#i just canāt handle this crushing loneliness anymore#iām so alone#it hurts#and i donāt think i can make it anymore#iām scared itās not gonna work out#i donāt think it will#i just want to go back#the worse thing is nobody knows how hurt and alone i am#bc i canāt talk to anyone about it#i have no one to talk to about it
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One of my favorite character moments (and the thing that immediately made me love him) for Apollo that I think is so intensely important to understanding him goes way back to Case 2 of Ace Attorney: Apollo Justice.
In that case, Trucy stages a ākidnappingā by using Mr. Hat to distract the court, and when Apollo rushes out into the lobby and sees her safe and soundā¦
He cries.
Heās so overcome with worry and relief that he cries for a girl he barely knows. A girl who, for all intents and purposes, almost cost him the badge he worked so hard to gain. A girl who focused most of the time they did know each other teasing him and not taking him seriously.
And yet, he cries for her anyway. He sobs, even.
Itās a throwaway moment, likely done for comedic effect, but it really hit me, and Trucyās immediate earnest response telling Apollo not to cry and then him doubling down with protective rage on her behalf hit it home harder, yāknow?
Apollo Justice, at his core, cares. Despite his surly attitude a lot of the time, this is nonetheless a defining trait of his. He cares, so much, and so easily, and we see it firsthand right there as he cries for a near stranger.
(And I also think itās worth noting that the first time we really, truly see Trucy lower her performance mask and cry herselfā¦itās to Apollo.)
#apollo justice#trucy wright#ace attorney#rambling hours#actually I can go on and on about these two and their relationship and their characters and how alike and different they are simultaneously#two faves right here frfr#but yeah Apollo crying in case 2 for Trucy made me love him and then he did it AGAIN for Vera at the end of the game#heās emotional!!!!! he cares!!!!!!! he tries protecting himself with anger and sarcasm but he feels so much it bursts out of him anyway#oh mannnn the way he and Trucy are parallels in certain regards#the way they both latch on to people so quickly and with everything they are#the way both pretend they DONT care in different ways when they very much do#their abandonment issues and inherent abilities do NOT mix well with how much they care for those around them#Apollo gets by through pushing people away or keeping them at arms length#and itās notable that he only willingly lets people close when those people are hurting (ie clay)#Trucy meanwhile is the opposite in that she brings EVERYONE into her sphere#and in doing so keeps them at the same arms length away that Apollo does#theyāre so interesting to think about I love them dearlyyyyy#I LOVE inherently lonely characters#gramarye family stays the most interesting family to me despite basically all of the older members being Awful in some way#and I would even say theyāre cursed in some capacity but u didnāt hear that from me lol#also side note but turnabout corner is GOOD actually
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joel etho single dads au .........
#esp if we go w liml family#etho with scar and bdubs at the park#joel with hermes#their kids meet and become best friends and keep begging for five more minutes until theyre the last ones at the park#so joel and etho inevitably meet and start talking because theyre both hella bored waiting for their kids#and joel lowk kinda cannot stand etho#hes like āigh this guy is sooo pretentious i could sense it from a mile away. who does he think he is with that stupid white hairā#ānewsflash it doesnt make you look cool it makes you look old as hellā#(but he doesnt say any of this)#(obviously)#and it works best if etho is totally oblivious#dude is just waiting 2 drop off scar n bdubs back home2 cleo so he can try2 get the Good Nights SleepTM hes been chasing since he was a bab#then they find out their kids go to the same school#and so obviously joel has decided to make it his mission in life to one up everything etho does#at this point etho is fully aware and finds it hilarious#because he is an Expert in these things okay. hes been making brownies for scar's bake sales since before hermes was Born#and joel can try as hard as he can but he just Cannot reach that level.#he can make as many cupcakes as he wants but none of them r gonna beat the gooey deliciousness of ethos chocolate chip triple layer brownie#and that is just soooo infuriating to him. his blood is boilimg at Every Single Parent Led Bake Sale Ever#and its even worse because etho looks like hes about to spontaneously combust at any possible second#his hair is a mess. deepppp eyebags. hes been running on maybe an hour of sleep every night for the past what eight years???#but hes sooo consistently perfect at everything.#joel hates him.#but like they also have to put up with each other at playdates and parties and whatnot because i repeat their kids are Best Friends#aughhh idk theres some potential there. i promise im just not getting it across very well#nya talks#trafficblr#hermitblr#joel smallishbeans
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#kirby#daily kirby#my art#digital#hal laboratory#nintendo#it was a hard day today.#sometimes you just gotta cry for an hour about requiring significant assistance to do basic stuff that you don't actually have help with rn!#(my wife is working 6 12s at a job we had to move across the country for)#(which means 1 she is *exhausted* at *all* times and struggling to even meet her own needs)#(and 2 our other partner and all our family and friends are. multiple days away by car. so they can't come help.)#it's getting hard to even stick leftovers in the microwave for myself but no one else is able to cook for me.#it sucks.#(we're moving again in june because this was a 1-year position from the beginning)#(and the idea is for our other partner to move in with us which will help a lot)#(plus my wife should be switching to a reliably 5-day week at that time)#(but we don't know where we're going for another month and a half.)#(so we can't really do any groundwork or anything to make that happen.)#(and having zero agency other than sitting and waiting and getting worse alone Really Sucks!)#I guess this is a bit of a secret part two to yesterday's meducation lol#favorites
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i do not like thanksgiving (week)
#1. late november? itās Dark. all the time. pure darkness#also my dad is neurotic for no reason about the electricity bill despite how much money he spends on random other crap#and he will get really nasty with you if you leave a light on for one nanosecond longer than it needs to be on#so like only if youāre in the room which means the house is dark all the time and youāre expected to just walk around like that#even though having a light on at your destination if youāre moving back and forth helps#like sorry i donāt want to feel depressed and sleepy all the time#2. family over means i have to socialize even though i straight up have nothing to say#i think this one is self explanatory i think we all know the feeling of having to perform around relatives and to be friendly#i really do try my best iām not like a hardcore introvert iām just boring and easily bored#if i have nothing to say but i am expected by law to be present at the gathering#i will cope with looking awkward by constantly snacking on whatever food is present#so i just eat like a ton of crackers or whatever over several hours#and i feel like absolute crap#like blehhh wdym peanut m&ms will make your body annoyed at you#3. i canāt cook iāll be so real so i canāt even feel like iām being helpful#i would gladly help out iāll just always need someone to hold my hand and iāll be in the way#so itās better for me to stay away#but then it looks like iām just lazy#or again antisocial#and then that means i gotta do cleanup and dishes#4. going back to the Darkness and sleepiness. all of the above things are bad enough over say christmas#but at least then i can relax bc the semester is over itās a real break#but thanksgiving? man i am still busy. i have to work from home. i am stressed#my instinct is to hibernate and relax bc of the darkness and holiday vibe#however iām not allowed to#but itās hard to be productive#harder still when you have to operate under someone elseās rules#peach rambles
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tag vent
#i have to move back to my hometown due to a mistake. a misunderstanding. and being too trusting in others ideas#and my boyfriend is moving an hour away as well. neither of us have been able to get a car or license yet due to money and i dont know when#we can see eachother again after we both move. since we started dating weve been sleeping in the same bed because we were/are roommates#just being gone for the weekend in my hometown is hard because i cant stand to be here but its worse because hes not in my bed every night#ive grown so used to falling alseep in his arms that i dont know what to do at night. i dont feel safe without his arms holding me#ive never felt safe where ive lived before. ive never felt safe in a relationship. ive never felt loved for who i am. that was until him.#now i feel safe in our home. i feel safe in our relationship. i feel loved for who i am. and now we have to be so far apart.#ive done long distance before but this is going to hurt so much my cat loves him she is super cautious and scared around new people but#she loved him since the start. not to mention shes my esa so that really mattered to me. he wants to move with me but it isnt happening#he got definite housing an hour away for super cheap in a town where he knows everyone and i have possible in a town where im surrounded by#people i know but am terrified of. im scared to move back here but have no choice. unless i make that terrifying choice of going with him.#the apartment he is getting is a two bedroom. id only have a studio. hes offered for me to come but im scared to move that far away again#i want to be with him but im scared to move to a whole new town with him. i know hes an amazing guy but we'd be moving away from my friends#and family. i already have to move away from all my friends if i go back to my hometown but this would be a different story.#moving to a whole new town with a guy that i only started dating 2 months ago? like yes. i lived with him previously and knew him for longer#than we dated but im still scared. i think rightfully so. but still.#but there are some pros to moving with him. hometown has no music scene and his town does and thats really important to me.#we'd also be close to his family. but farther from mine. hed be around friends and id have none no matter where i go.#idk im just rambling but i really needed to vent. i lost my best friend recently to the point of them siding with strangers almost and they#helped them break and enter into the house to intimidate me and bf and then a few days later came with cops after saying repeatedly that#they were an anarchist and acab but only when they dont use them apparently. because i guess morals/values only matter when its convenient#im so tired though but i cant sleep so i might write some cringe poetry and try to chill out before going on a late night/early morning walk#tag vent#vent in tags
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Is this tourist season around Paris ??? I keep seeing tourists EVRYWHERE on public transports like what are you doing in my small city
#+ of course the obligatory family with the mickey mouse accessories because OF COURSE you need to show everyone how you're going to disney#WHILE I'M GOING TO A FRICKING ORAL ESAM 2 HOURS AWAY#mes blogs
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āhow was the Cycle was it fun in the Cycleā NO i want off!! put me down!!!
#crepes n stuff#insane how i can spend 90% of the year 2k miles away from my family and convince myself i was making it all up#just 2 witness THE most breathtaking dysfunction within 48 hours of returning 2 my parents house#as the prophecy foretold or whatever
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hey y'all! VERY busy weekend so posting's on a break for a bit - be back soon! Working on the last saber series sets :)
#had to drive like. twelve hours to help family move cause their car broke down š« #and then had a different family thing the next day 2 hrs away#no time for survivor </3#splitsabers#personal
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On the topic of "finding reasons to live," I was able to get vacation time off for my first ever furry convention, so no matter how depressed I am or how bad things get, I GOTTA live til the end of August 2025 for that at least.
Also it's in Memphis, so I can go see the Bass Pro Pyramid as well. Two birds, one stone!
#I also got vacation time off for 3 other cons!#There was one con that i couldn't get time off for#but considering its far away from where i live. at least i dont have to buy a plane ticket#too bad. My family lives in Atlanta and some of my friends and mutuals live 1-2 hours from Atlanta#It wouldve been fun to go to MomoCon. but alas
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had a fnaf lore thought today about Henry and William and Willās motives for killing Charlie and Sammy being a bit more in depth than they are in what weāve been provided in canon
we all know part of Williamās motive was because he was jealous of Henry still getting to have a family after losing his own, but also consider Henryās part in this
when William lost CC and Elizabeth, he was torn to shreds obviously, but Henry mustāve gone into shock too, leading me to believe that he would be running on autopilot trying to take care of everything in order to let Will grieve over the death of his two youngest
from Henryās perspective this is a pretty normal way of different people dealing with grief and loss and shock and whatnot, but to William? heās angry. heās so angry because he lost the kids he loved so, so much. heās angry because he feels at fault for it. but he also feels angry because Henry has spent less time comforting him and trying to sympathize and more time trying to deal with lawsuits
this is the deepest and most destructive pain Willās ever felt in his entire life, grotesque and heart wrenching, and all he can see is Henry being more worried about legal issues than caring for his best friend. Henryās trying his best to balance everything and not break, and he knows Will is too incapacitated to handle business, so heās doing what he thinks would be helpful. But Williamās mind isnāt wired that way. Rather he takes it as betrayal, and thus begins war.
Henryās kids are dead. āWho would do something like this?ā and Henry doesnāt know he knows. Eventually he confronts him, heās devastated, but not quite in the way William was. he didnāt want to exact revenge. He was just in shock. And once heās broken Henry down to his core, ripping into him about how he ādidnāt know how to care and didnāt want to botherā.
Henry is destroyed, and all William can think about is āfinally, some real sympathy from a real friendā.
tl;dr I donāt know I just think Henry and Williamās arc should be more intricate and emotionally driven than what itās shown to be in canon past the basic āoh no you were my best friend but Iāve been struck by tragedy and now Iām jealous that you have something I donāt so I have to destroy the thing you love because if I canāt be happy then neither can youā trope because despite their limited appearance in the actual shown canon events their backstory is vital to the plot of the series and I would love to see that elaborated on in depth
#silly little fnaf thoughts at 2:45am#finals are coming up and I actually get to go home and visit family tomorrow so between stress and excitement I canāt sleep#college is making me think about and overanalyze everything except what Iām in college for#audio engineering? nope. all fnaf#I love all this silly little nightmare lore#thereās a 50/50 chance Iām gonna wake up in a few hours and read this and itās going to be incomprehensible#in true fnaf lore fashion#but oh well#also not sponsored by creedās human clay album#wash away those years inspired these thoughts spontaneously#alright thatās all the brain thoughts Iām gonna spill onto this hellsite for a while now bye love uā¤ļøš„°#fnaf#william afton#henry emily
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you ever go 'man im doin great actually!!' then you listen to 1 marginally sad song and start openly weeping and go 'hm wait i think there might be something amiss actually'
#im fine like actually. im just gonna be alone on my bday for the first time tomorrow and ive been bummed about it#and the store only had banana cake [i hate banana flavour] so i didnt get to buy myself a tiny cake treat#and i put on Fast Car cause its a good bpm to walk to when im tired and it all crumbled down#so i am Fine but didnt realize i was this sad about it. both my close folks on campus graduated last year and this is the first year i wont#be around my family ON my birthday. and then ADDITIONALLY i am not close to anyone here. all my friends are 2 or more hours away#just that and not physically touching another human for about two months now is bringing sadness#not that im even a big touch person. just the fact its been NOTHIN#just not how i wanted to turn 21 but. what can ya do.#my siblings and friends will probably rally me tomorrow to do a group game or something#just to try and celebrate with me so it wont be all bad#just bummed. gonna go play stardew valley and water my plant#.yappin
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a lil tip, a lil Suggestion for anyone who plans to have kids or who already has tiny kids....
if you have a choice, maybe don't live in a location where the only thing surrounding you for miles and miles is just more houses :/
like, either live somewhere where there's easy access to nature/outdoor recreation, or live somewhere where there's easy access to a wide variety of activities - museums, sports, concert venues, rec centers, music lessons, dance lessons, blah blah.
maybe don't live somewhere where it will be a huge inconvenience for you to take your kid out to do/see things that interest them on a regular basis.
it is so fucking depressing to be a kid and to almost never get to do or see anything you think is neat because it's Too Far for your parents to feel like taking you there.
honestly like. it's a big enough deal that i legit feel like parents should absolutely be willing to completely relocate if it means living somewhere where their kid can do what makes them happy.
like, if you live in fuckinnn florida and your kid wants to be a rock climber, you better pack your shit up and move to colorado or whereverthefuck. if you live in kansas and your kid wants to surf, move to california, goddammit.
i mean obviouslyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy it's not always possible to live anywhere but where you're currently living for a myriad of reasons, but if it is possible, even if it's not easy, please please please don't doom your kid to a childhood of longing and unfulfillment just because you live in the wrong place omg.
#lmao not meeeeeee processing my jealousy of kids whose parents packed up their whole lives and moved hundreds or thousands of miles away#just so they could have opportunities to pursue their interests#parents who move their whole families to los angeles bc their kid wants to be an actor#parents who move their whole families to some snowy ass mountain town so their kid can be a winter sports athlete#im so jelly :(#if only my fam had moved to fuckin australia so i could wrestle crocodiles lmaooooo#parents who drive their kids 2 hours to participate in the highest quality programs for their interests#instead of settling for the rinky dink opportunities that are closer to home#like#if your kid wants to be a classical musician but there are not high quality teachers in your area#you almost may as well just not sign them up for lessons if you're not willing to travel to a good teacher!#bc your kid straight up will not be successful if they don't get high quality training!#literally go big or go home omfg
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I've seen that poll with "what time do you show up for a party" and some different folks' takes on it, and I think the real key is like. just communicate with your host or, if you are the host, your guests?
If you want or expect people to be exactly on time, tell them that. If it's OK for them to be late/early/start time doesn't really matter, tell them that.
If you're going to be super late and it's a situation where things should start right on time, just send 'em a quick message.
Life happens, traffic happens, sometimes you just lose track of time and end up either early or late, but we don't need to be operating on a dozen different unspoken rules of what constitutes "polite" arrival times, we can just communicate.
#//juri speaks#like. family functions we are either on time or a bit late or like 2 hours early#bc the name of the game is hanging out/helping prep#but everyone also understands that people have lives and jobs and some folks live a bit of a ways away#game days we are either on time or like 30 min late#just bc we live a couple hours away and i am chronically late to most things#but we just. keep everyone posted#super easy and no one gets mad about it
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#me? about to use tumblr as a diary again? in 2024? unfortunately:/#but here have a waterfall i saw on a hike last week as payment#i am sO tired and exhausted emotionally after dating#there's this guy that i fr thought was going to last and be around for a long time. we spent like every moment together that we could for 2#months straight and if we werent physicaly together we were texting or calling or on ft . just every part of our day had the other in it#not once did i ever feel unwanted undesired or uncared for. not once did i feel that i wasnt sure of his intentions. i felt safer with him#in those 2 months than i ever did with any one else i could think to compare to.#until one day he just didnt think it important to communicate any more. after 3 days of nearly nothing .. hardly any talking . i asked if#he was ok if we were ok. what was going on in his head. he said some ive just been with my buddies and family and havent been on my phone#and just. immediately thats heartbreak yanno. thats :// thats what they say when theres a new girl. but there'd never been a reason to think#there was another girl so i was like ok we're gonna trust bc this dude has been So good in every way. so i said imy but i understand. enjoy#your time with your buddies and with your fam -- i cant wait to hear about it (and hold you)#and i havent heard from him in the 3 weeks since. just randomly#so last night#i send the dreaded 'i miss you' text.#i dont expect to hear back and i accept the hurt that will come with that and the confusion that i've felt settles deeper into my heart#until this afternoon i hop on ig and see a hard launch that was posted an hour after my text was sent#that shit kinda hurt different. but also sent me into a bit of a delirious state where all i could do is laugh bc are you for fucking real#did she see my message? i know it. bc i know him and i know that he wouldnt hide anything from the person he's giving his heart#and his softness to. i can almost imagine how he showed her and promised her theres nothing to worry about#and there really isnt anything to worry about because he genuinely is the type to give his all to the relationship he's in#which feels silly to say after what happened w us. like no there wasnt a title ever#it sucks to call it a situationship because a month ago we were laughing in bed together about how we could never bc we were all in.#just the timing of the hard launch makes me giggle. did my text push them to have a conversation about what they are. was she really the#reason that he went away on me.#im trying not to blame myself . trying not to think about the phone calls i didnt answer. about what i could have done differently. trying#not to think about where we would be if i didnt let my anxieties hold me back. if i wasnt scared about what he'd think of the parts of me#that i keep hidden just a little bit longer than the rest.#and at the same time im trying not to put him on a pedestal. but that pedestal is just where i wholeheartedly believe he belongs#he set the bar for me. he set the standard. i was never too much. i was never too little. he made me feel perfect just as i am
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Iāve been wanting to reopen commissions soon but I rly need to make new examples, maybe try to figure out what ppl are most interested in (I think my most commissioned items are always icons, so? Those will be included) and what I can doā¦I also want to refigure my prices. Like I do want them to be affordable, and I do love drawing for ppl, but I also want to make sure I have the bandwidth + time for them and also feel like Iām being compensated properly since I do have a job now so they would be the Side Thing aaa TwT
but Iām finally at a place where I feel like. Not burnt out after every week and Iām in a nice routine now and pretty used to my job, so I feel like I can handle more on the side. Very excited abt that. Not excited abt making new examples or figuring out what I wanna offer etc tho I hate the logistics of commissions. Part of me wants to do a pay what u want thing with a set minimum and maybe start exclusively offering them thru kofi since itās so easy, but weāll see!!
I look to maybe open them around June so like. If anyone is interested, Iād love to hear what kind of stuff u guys would want? š¤Ø
#I realize posting this at 2 am might not yield feedback LOL Iāll maybe do a more formal poll on my art blog later#Iām up waaay past my bedtime bc Iāve been nocturnal this week#the landlord sent ppl to reno our kitchen so I have been sleeping during the day#and working at night so that I can avoid the ppl. anxiety. whatever I feel bad for being in their way and Iām shy ok š#itās been loud and a mess all across the house bc of it and I am a tiny bit stressed#plus family stuff but the reg yk. itās fine#but thinking abt how excited I am abt art and possibly drawing for ppl and making them happy makes me happy aaaa#I rly do love making art for ppl#and Iāve missed it#sanchoyorambles#in other news I got a bird bath for outside my window so in addition to the feeder I can see them splash#havenāt seen any of them use it for that yet :( but several wasps have drank!#wasps r smarter than birds confirmed I guess. theyāre growing on me a lil bit Iām ngl. thereās a nest on the porch#and last week when I decided Iād work outside for an hour or two one came and sat with me#perched on the arm rest and hung out. and I was brave and didnāt run away! we r friends now me n the wasps#someone appreciates my gift of water#birds take notesā¦ā¦ā¦.
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