#fae blogging

[corazondefae]

9-18-24: Processing

I got vaxxed twice today! Woo!

It was my first time ever getting the flu vaccine and I got the new COVID vaccine as well! I'm both hoping I have side effects so I can call out tomorrow and hoping I don't so I don't have to call out tomorrow because I need money...

I had therapy earlier today and it really got me thinking about how much my mental health truly affects my every day life.

My nervous system is trying to heal itself. I'm no longer in an environment where I have to be on edge 24/7. I'm not going into details but a year ago I experienced something very traumatic. I witnessed violence within my family and I had to keep it together as there were young kids in the house at the time.

This experience truly shattered my world. Even now, I don't know how I got through it and I'm still processing everything that happened. I took two days off of work and then went back. Sure, I was depressed and everybody could see, but I was working to distract myself from my terrible home life. Now that I've moved out with my husband I'm learning how to live instead of survive.

I'm in the process of getting an official PTSD diagnosis, which is wild to say. I always felt like I never went through "enough trauma" (whatever that means) in order to officially be diagnosed. Yes, I've experienced traumatic events in my life, but surely that doesn't mean I have PTSD...right? (Wrong!)

I'm also processing my feelings towards referring to myself as disabled. Physically, I'm mostly fine. However, my mental health really does affect my every day life and I never noticed it until recently.

My mental health has greatly impacted my nervous system, daily functioning, relationships with others, and ability to do essential tasks such as showering, going to work, completing my associate's, taking care of myself.

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Lets go through some things my mental illnesses do for me, shall we?:

OCD - Makes me anxious every waking moment due to constant intrusive thoughts, avoidance of certain places or actions (ex: eating) due to fear of my intrusive thoughts becoming reality, avoidance of loved ones if they are dealing with something that triggers my OCD, spending up to hours cleaning and washing anything I've deemed "contaminated" (especially my hands), constant reassurance-seeking in intentional and unintentional ways all the time, a few times I've started spiraling and almost started to believe I was hallucinating an entirely different reality to the "real" one

PTSD - Anxiety in my home to the point I was taking Melatonin every night so I could leave as soon as possible in the morning, constantly being on edge to the point where the TV being too loud made me drop everything so I could check it was just the TV and not people screaming at each other, remembering traumatic situations so many times, actively triggers my OCD as well so I have obsessions related to my trauma, too anxious to do tasks even in a safe environment because I'm afraid that one day something terrible will happen which leaves me depressed as well, constant stress since the situation was never resolved, constant guilt, I still shake and my voice wavers when I talk about it

PMDD - THE IRRITABILITY AND RAGE OH MY!, constantly talking myself off the edge while in the middle of my workday, work ethic goes down significantly due to how miserable I feel, short but terrible depressive episodes starting around two weeks before my cycle, getting angry at others for no reason to the point I can't recognize myself sometimes (luckily I'm pretty good at keeping the anger in), not having motivation to do anything, have to leave work early sometimes which has wrecked my PTO

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I think I needed to write that down so I don't feel like I'm overreacting. My pain is valid. My mental pain is valid. And it would still be valid if it didn't significantly alter my life.

I'm doing all that I can to be better. I am so much better than I was and I want to be better than I am now. But I need to allow myself to wallow in my pain as well. I cannot let it consume me but I cannot cage it either. I guess that's what I'm doing right now.

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Other than that, today has been less productive than I wanted it to be! I still need to go grocery shopping. Too late to do that today :(

I tried doing my nails today but I tried a new method and it did NOT work out well! I'll try again on my next day off.

I leave you all with my latest obsession: Sabrina Carpenter

[kawaiisweet]

[fairy-magick]

[bebs-art-gallery]

Mountain Fairies by Marthe Jonkers

[kawaiibabeshop]

🌸 Kawaii Shop 🌸

[popnovelspn]

One thing I love about The Cruel Prince: Jude put her foot down and said ‘I belong here’.

And eventually Elfhame responded and flowers grew where she bled.

Never let anyone tell you, you don’t belong.

[moodboard-d]

[hemipenal-system]

trick-or-treating house where the candy is a hole in the wall. there’s a dryad cuffed to the other side so her cock hangs out. anyone who wants can sit down for a little bit and enjoy the sweet sap and her cute whimpering. there’s a counter on the wall next to the hole that you can add one to every time she twitches and screams from inside the wall. it’s somewhere in the dozens by now.

don’t worry, she likes it! she wouldn’t be dripping all over the porch if she didn’t!

[corazondefae]

9-14-2024: Time to Myself

I essentially created this blog because: 1. My ADHD meds kicked in 2. IRL journaling is a difficult task for me (OCD has been kicking my ass for the past four years) 3. My fiancé (Who will now just be referred to as my husband because fiancé doesn't have the same ring to it) is out hanging out with his friends and I just finished studying for the day, so I have nothing to do except procrastinate relax! We got back home this afternoon after going to a concert in a city three hours away. I'm upset because I didn't enjoy the concert as much as I wanted to. Was dealing with nausea, an empty stomach, and anxiety which was all just amplified from all the strobing lights and screaming :( It was fun and my husband had A LOT of fun (I had Waffle House for the first time too!), just upset I couldn't really enjoy it as much as I had anticipated.

The drive was torturous as someone who has motion sickness, emetophobia, and is most likely experiencing PMDD symptoms today. Speaking of PMDD—my husband and I are currently TTC! Its been a hard journey, to be quite honest. We've only been trying for half a year at this point but its been disheartening for me every cycle. I'm trying my best not to get too upset since we're still young and it gives us time to figure shit out before having to deal with another tiny human's shit (literally and figuratively). Yet, every time I can feel my PMDD rear it's ugly head its almost like a knife twisting in my heart.

I think I'm going to play some DTI, eat some food, and browse on social media! Or maybe I should read instead of browsing even more on socials...Going to be nice to myself tonight. I deserve to have some fun and indulge in my own hobbies before I have to work tomorrow!!!

[kawaiisweet]

the perfect rose doesn't exi--

[fairy-magick]

[traumawhomst]

Solaris and Songbird

A snippet of a full version of this earlier post I made

(450 words)

Fae King and (GN) Child Reader

The Summer King was not always the most kind Fae, he could scarcely afford it. In his world kindness was weakness waiting to be paid back in kind. So when he heard a young voice pierce his quiet peace, he decided to use the as a lesson about his forest. It would an easy task, appear and play with them a bit, maybe turn them to a songbird since they seemed to love their voice. A punishment to neglectful parents about teaching your child to walk around the forest alone as if they owned it.

He had admit that the child did have a rather sweet voice for a human, and he thought of doing something more than just a simple songbird, maybe one that could also speak and mimic sounds. It would be amusing if nothing else.

The child was bent over in the dirt, singing some old folk song, hair loosely pulled back dirty and sweaty. Who knows when they last had a bath, the King scoffed internally. It only strengthened his resolve to turn them to a songbird. At least he knew how to care for his things.

He stepped into the forest clearing, the air around them both growing thick and wild, a smell of hot summer grass hung like a cloud. The King watched with a smile as the figure froze in place, smart child, to know when they were outmatched, no grand heroics or disrespect would save them now. The child lifted their face, and the King was oddly pleased, it was cleaner than their hair and he could that the child had spent most of their life facing towards the sun. Their eyes looked the same as a fawn caught in the sight line of a wolf, but their mouth was turned into a hesitant smile.

The smile caught him off guard, and before he could think too much on it, the child open their mouth and spoke

“Hello,” they said, their voice soft with a slight tremor but a distinct note of hope, “what’s your name?”

With those simple four words, the King knew that this was to be his third child. A neglected songbird, but with a quick wit and curiosity that spoke of greater things than their tiny village. He wanted to scoop them up, and tell of all the great things they would see and do. But this was not his first time bringing a child of his own. So he smiled as he knelt to be closer to the eye level with the child.

“You, songbird, may call me, Solaris, may I know what you to call you songbird?”

When the child’s face brightened, any hesitation or second doubts were gone, this child was his and he couldn’t wait to bring them home.

[kawaiibabeshop]

🌸 Kawaii Shop 🌸

[kiteknots]

Doon Hill & Fairy Knowe // Aberfoyle

[cutevintagetoys]

💖 Kawaii Shop 💖

Use code "TUMBLR" for a discount

[can-of-slorgs]

*japanese funky nightcore cover music in the background*