#extreme mental issues

[kr1llz]

i dont know how to ask questions. but i now need to know everything about this au. any little scrap will do i just NEEDDDDD INFORMATIONNNNN

[sharp inhale] hi. fucking beams you

okay quick note: this is literally something thats been in my head for like 2 or 3 days if you see consistency issues ignore them bless. also for consistency purposes shadow has a higher concentration of chaos energy (bc i dont think this is ever said in any games but is just kinda implied)

the basic premise is that maria and shadow both survived the raid on the ARK and survived the fall to earth

Maria does still get injured and, in an attempt to heal her injuries, is able to use his own chaos energy to not only heal her, but more or less reverse the effects of NIDS at the cost of keeping his black arms traits completely at bay

additionally this extreme concentration effectively ruins his regulators, causing his issues with his black arms traits to be worse than they couldve been

With the reversal of her disease, Maria's lifespan and aging process is uh. kinda messed up, extending it by a pretty significant amount by making her aging process much slower

they go into hiding best they can and the 50 year timeskip that takes place in sa2 instead becomes time where they try and figure out 1. how the world works and 2. more about their past bc they were both kept in the dark about things while on the ARK (basically wtf was going on with shadows creation and why did GUN attack in the first place)

on the other hand, shadow experiences some mutations (third eye, sharper claws, increased amount of red quills/fur) and is more prone to violent episodes

these episodes are especially bad during their first few years on mobius but after awhile hes able to keep these episodes at bay much much better

i also lied when i said i wouldnt post the art this entire post is the entire au as of right now so heres their (still kinda wip) modern designs

this is where i havent thought things out as well but uhh BASICALLY maria hears about tails and how hes a genius and goes "huh. maybe this guy can help us but i have no clue on how to contact him"

this is also where things are very muddy but more or less shadow and sonic accidentally meet, maria finds them about to beat the shit out of eachother and offers sonic a meal as an apology

during this she tells shadow about tails and sonic goes "oh hey thats my brother :D" and there is no way to describe how they react in text so heres a doodle

as an agent for GUN, rouge is more or less the only true key they have to figuring everything out, so they have tails contact her (sonic and tails arent friends with her but its tails he has his ways) and she agrees to help them and uncover their past through some good ol spy work against gun, but says that theres a hefty price behind this work, that price being the chaos emeralds (this is her idea of being absurd and telling them that theres no way in hell she would do the job without being payed shittons of money) but they go "ok lol"

sonic tells tails about shadow and maria and how they want his help, and tails agrees

he does scans on the both of them and tells them exactly what happened to them all that time ago (marias disease being reversed, shadows glorified hormone imbalance) but says that he cant help with much else because he just. doesnt know enough about either of their conditions to really give any solid insight or advice but knows someone who might . this is where rouge comes in :}

this is where things kinda leave off bc like i said i thought of this like. three days ago LOL

right around this time the black arms invasion starts and through a series of events that i also havent thought out yet shadow gets like. partially assimilated into the hivemind

he still has his own conscious thoughts but cant control his actions, making him a threat

[beif0ngs]

I’m so sorry about your mother. I’m sorry I can’t bring her back, but please just…

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

growing up with a perpetually anxious primary caregiver is such a mindfuck. that shit will rewire your nervous system

[princema-k]

i would actually love to hear your thoughts on when layton would emote the ways you've drawn him! if you want! no pressure if not!

OH B OY HERE WE GO!!!!! again take everything with a grain of salt bc i Forgor bits of the series

BLANKET SPOILER FOR UNWOUND FUTURE/MIRACLE MASK MAYBE??/AZRAN LEGACY

(for reference we are talking abt this post)

SURPRISE: As we know in the PL series, it's very very hard to catch the professor off-guard in any way. Most of the things you would think would surprise him, he's already known for a long time and was just keeping quiet about it so that he could use that information at the right time.

With that being said, the times where he does seem to get somewhat surprised (or taken aback. he's so goddamn emotionally constipated) seem to be when the shocker in question has personal relation to him. Though in the series proper, none of the shocking personal factoids are ever presented in a way to make him jump. So theoretically, if any twists like Claire or Descole's reveal were presented much more aggressively, he might emote like how I've drawn him (though I kinda doubt it). Or just jumpscare him lmao

SADNESS: Obviously we know that Layton can feel sadness and cry, though even at the end of Unwound Future it's clear that he's still holding back with his crying. I'd wager that it's because he's out in public and around an impressionable individual (Luke) that he's not letting himself fully express his grief. After all, a true gentleman never makes a scene in public.

I'd say, if he were to cry like the way I've drawn him (that is, bawling his eyes out), it'd probably be at the end of UF when Luke leaves for America, and he'd have to be alone. And I mean completely alone. He'd be very careful about having anyone even remotely near him before he breaks down sobbing; he'd wait for Luke to go home, and wait a while to make sure that he hears no other footsteps around who could potentially walk in on him, before crying. And even then, he'd still repress it - trying to choke back sobs to make sure he isn't heard, pulling the brim of his hat over his eyes and covering his eyes with his hand, the works. Because sadness/crying is weakness to him, and a true gentleman can never show weakness.

ANGER: Frankly, I feel like this is one of the emotions I've drawn that I actually could see him showing in the series proper. We've seen him in Unwound Future just barely holding back his anger at Clive when he endangered Flora/started wrecking havoc on London (obviously still restrained- yadda yadda yadda "true gentleman" blah blah blah).

To get him to unrestrain it, I'd say you would have to put a lot of people he cares about (particularly his wards - Luke and Flora would likely be excellent choices) in direct danger, as well as taunt him to a personal degree enough times. Because even the Professor has limits to how much mental strain he can take, and all limits can be broken. It's just a matter of pushing the right (or wrong!) buttons on him.

FEAR: This one's tough I think. As an adult who's seen a lot (including his own death), it's pretty hard to find something that would really scare him to that degree. Throughout the series the most he seems to show in terms of fear is either: a) surprise that he quickly recovers from, or b) the end of Unwound Future when he realizes that Claire can't stay with him.

I say that theoretically (and REALLY emphasize on the "theoretically"), you might be able to get him to emote the way I've drawn him... if you subject him to anything akin to his recently unrepressed memories of his childhood, and he's rendered helpless to do anything to help but watch. But like I said, only theoretically. I'd wager that he'd probably just be angry too.

LAUGHTER: ...I honestly have no good clue to how or when he'd emote like this. For him to laugh so heartily, he'd have to be in a state of extreme emotional vulnerability, which isn't often.

I'd say it'd be at a time where he's feeling very relieved, or elated (and they'd both have to be situations that connect to him personally too; outside events won't phase him). How he'd laugh to such an extent I'm not actually sure, BUT I could paint a bit of a scenario: It's the end of UF, but Claire could actually stay without dying, and she makes a sort of lighthearted joke in light of the events. Would he laugh wholeheartedly? I dunno. But judging on what we've seen of him, it's a maybe.

It's a shame we never get to see him emote so colourfully in the hexalogy proper, but as I've stated before in another long-winded half-legible ramble character analysis, he's SEVERELY repressing his emotions due to Claire's last words/"gentleman" values/positive reinforcements from his peers and environments for successfully hiding his emotions. Poor guy.

[gideonisms]

anyone ever also think about seivarden's pretty clear emotional dysregulation that she tried to treat on her own because it seems like the other option was to go to a medic who would potentially give her the therapy where if you think a bad thought you get zapped with headaches and nausea? later we learn that there are actually meds for regulating one's emotions but whether you get that or you get reeducated seems to kind of depend on who you know and how much the medic likes you. And then Breq all throughout the books is like "there was always help available for her she was just too proud to take it" and it's like. yeah you were the help. She took it. the difference between seeing the doctor as an officer on a ship where the captain is invested in your safety and seeing the doctor as a random with no money and no social safety net is vast. Of course she went off and found a drug that kind of worked on her own. Of course she did

[a-celestial-dream]

John Doe’s (UnOrdinary) ability in a two sentences;

Random person: I could kick you into next month with my ability-

John Doe: -OUR ability.

[astrolotte]

I love projecting onto fictional characters. I can say "Peri has intrusive thoughts" because I do and I like Peri and someone else out there will agree. And I think that's beautiful.

(and yes I'd say this means that Irep also has intrusive thoughts. His are about 'nice' and 'happy' things, but they distress him all the same, which makes them intrusive. Both make them question whether they're a "valid" Fairy/Anti-Fairy if they have these thoughts.... and both need to get their asses in therapy STAT)

[void-tiger]

An Idea that is also admittedly OOC but wdyd is…

Kakashi actually tracking down Itachi immediately after the Uchiha Genocide ‘cause let’s face it, he’s that good of a tracker/shinobi (even if Itachi can completely kick his ass) and single-minded when in mission-mode and was clearly not one of the ANBU/Root or S-Rank jonin enlisted for this. (If he’s going rogue instead of bending the rules for a half-hearted sanctioned pursuit? Call it his Obito&Rin Guilt Complex + remaining guilt over not keeping a better eye on his “junior” when Minato literally dragged Kakashi out of that life for a time so he could recover a bit mentally.)

Anyway. Kakashi catches up to Itachi.

But instead of finding the tween prodigy hypervigilent in bloodlust and ready to engage him in a battle, he accidentally finds the kid mid-breakdown absolutely losing it in grief and guilt once Itachi presumed he was a good distance away from any Konoha or Atasuki pursuers.

And well. This is awkward. And not at all what Kakashi expected.

Does this finally knock Kakashi a bit out of his avoidant apathy to take a more active interest in Sasuke’s and Naruto’s lives? Maybe? But well, it’s a start. Only trash abandon their comrades.

[dropthedemiurge]

I've seen things after SOTUS extreme actor harassment, I've been here through BMF "hate watching flashmob" and you know what, this year I will actually stop tolerating BL fans (at least on tumblr) who don't even have the decency to just ignore things they don't like and who think bullying someone is a good fandom sport, and start calling out. No matter if you believe clickbaits or you're a proud member of celebrity witchhunt or just don't believe people and situations can change, whatever, I really don't want to see KristSingto hate if - when - they will come back with another BL series.

Peraya fans have been waiting and hoping for KristSingto reunion for years, they wanted it themselves for so long as well, and we've unfortunately encountered way too many people who don't use their braincells and who encourage others to follow their footsteps when making derogatory comments about (mainly) Krist or Singto who they don't even know about, or their shows. For years. Some even go to talk shit and laugh right at his face. What the hell.

Maybe don't ruin someone else's parade and don't turn a nice community lake into a swamp. If you consider yourself a good person who can have an opinion "I just don't vibe with this person/show", watch it unbiased, be open minded and if you don't have a full picture, ask fans of the actual story or do research and read proper compilations about him instead of blindly stacking your opinions on repeated echoed insults from yt and tiktok. And if you aren't willing to be open minded and rational, well, let the fans celebrate and stick quietly to your swamp.

It's really no fun to gather around to discuss something and slip on poop piles thrown around for no reason. What happened to civil discussions?

[targaryenmelodrama]

there’s something so grotesque about companies’ mental health programs/providers being like ‘with the war going on people may wanna consult’ — it’s being sold a product to cope with something that is being aided and abetted by people who created and invest in this product in the first place. but also just the sheer ridiculousness of looking at ongoing genocide and saying ‘did the news make you sad? we have a product to sell you’. i don’t have words or a specific explanation, just anger and disgust

[sippinongaychlorine]

The two extremes of the mommy issues spectrum are Junji Ito creating Tomie because he's terrified of women and Tatsuki Fujimoto creating Makima because he wants to be dominated by a woman.

[spotaus]

Thinking about Orchid and her connection to my take on Gender (because this was meant to be about her and the Crew but it just devolved into a character analysis kinda??? More trauma-dumping maybe???) This is very much an oc/personal rant so feel free to ignore it 🫡

So, Orchid started off as a character I didn't really think much of (hear me out this is going to be relevant) because I wanted to add a 'girl' character but didn't know what to *do* with her, y'know? She was always going to be the strongest one there, she had the odds stacked in her favor with her parents. She was always going to be the gloomy side-character to match Reset's energy. But I think she's gone through every stage of Generic Woman I could possibly find.

At first she was angry and abrasive (think Fell!Sans) where every other word was a curse and she was likely to throw the first punch then laugh as she kicks her enemy while they're down. This was when Reset was a cartoonishly self-centered villain whose goal was simply to prove others wrong. Then Orchid became a sort of sisterly figure. This was short-lived, but she was the one comforting people who Reset would torment, but would ultimately follow his orders, because at this point he was actually a danger and sadistic. And then there was the phase where the story mellowed out and she became the token Goth Girl who, yes she was strong, but was heavy on the 'whatever' energy. Then there was her Era of deep self-loathing and anxiety about her worth that held her back and made her a much more timid and meek character who would only lash out on occasion.

Now, Orchid is the best of those iterations I've written yet. She's calm, level-headed, and a natural leader. Her father raised those traits into her. But she's very reactive, and can be silly, and when she's comfortable it's likely that air of importance transforms into something more comfortable and familiar. She laughs loudly and grins wide, she likes loud video-games but loves to read in the quiet. She's extremely disciplined, and normally no one can get through her tough exterior besides her best friend, Reset. She does what she does for her own enjoyment, sure, but she's thought of every angle and makes her choice to help Reset and control the others with her whole chest. She still worries she won't live up to her invisible expectations, and that and her loyalty are her two driving forces.

I know that Orchid is important to me because she's the longest-running female oc I've had. I have a rough relationship with womanhood/girlhood and I know looking back that Orchid recieved every ounce of my distaste for being a woman that I could shovel into her. That never made her less of a character, she was actually always one of my favorites, and rarely was she a 'punching bag oc'. I just... projected onto her a lot. And she's a good sign of how I've learned who I am. I've decided that my own femininity is something I could live without. I'd rather not associate myself with it, and I'd like to leave it in my past, focusing on a future where I'm not tied down with any gender roles or expectations. That won't happen, but I've come to terms with it myself. Orchid though? I figured out through her that I don't have to hate women characters. My own distaste for my circumstances doesn't mean I have to push it onto my characters (on God I've never expressed anything rude to actual people, that'd be rude as hell and uncalled for, but I have a bad habit of disliking fictional women in media). So, Orchid is a well-roubded character finally. She has motivations abd goals and a *lot* more depth than I ever expected her to. She's happy with being a woman, she's content. She's not treated differently for it in unfair ways by those she cares about, so she doesn't mind it. She likes to wear pretty outfits and lets Reset add bows to her ribbons. She doesn't let being a woman hold her back in the slightest.

So, yeah. Orchid is one of my babies. If I ever leave this Fandom behind for good, she's one that's coming with (Ichor, Orchid, and Pretender all have human designs I can use elsewhere lol-) but in the meantime I'll just rotate her around in my brain for a while longer.

If I'm right, she's been with me for nearly 5-6 years and I went through a *lot* with her as an outlet. So, she's kinda just like an old stuffed animal. A lil ripped, matted fur, maybe a stain or two, but there's a story there and that makes it important beyond belief.

[jeffyyyyyyyyy]

Does anyone else have issues with their identity or interests because of psychosis or psychosis affects their identity and interests in some way??

Maybe it’s just my psychosis messing with me and I’m having a lot of delusions or something? I don’t know, but I keep having this issue where I am constantly changing my gender/name or I start to believe something different about myself, and my interests change all at the same time and it feels like it is constantly going up and down or like it just never ends because for a few weeks or a while or a few days, I’ll be fine with everything and then it changes again over and over

it keeps changing to different things and it feels like I have no control of it or like for some reason my brain just can’t stick to anything at all

[bunnyboy-juice]

im begging people to turn on the post dates for your feed bc sometimes i see ppl rb advice with good intentions but the advice is from 2010-2017 and therefore is WILDLY outdated!!!! and that's not good!!!!!

[b-blushes]

thursday quest - no physical therapy today - make and eat lunch sooooo early but i can do it!!!!! - get ready for wedding - attend wedding! yay! (: - decompress well when i get home <3

[angorwhosebabyisthis]

honestly it's been really healing being back to actively contributing things and writing out thoughts on tumblr the last week or so, because while twitter tends to be easier for me to write out Thoughts on without getting overwhelmed, the environment in the twitter fandom circles i'm interested in is not only infested with antis but cliqueish in a way that is caustic to the fucking soul if you try to express a thought that's more than three sentences long--a hundred times over if you're autistic in slightly the wrong way--and it's incredibly reassuring to come back to an environment where the very kindest and most inclusive people toward you are not clearly thinking the r-slur the entire time they interact with you lmao