#external awkwardness vs internal awkwardness

[ectoplasmer]

actually no I think it’d be really funny if my hs s/i and my ygo s/i switched places

[writers-potion]

can you make a list of specific relationships tropes(platonic or romantic) pls🫶

List of Relationship Tropes <3

Hope this helps! :) If you like my blog, buy me a coffee☕ and find me on instagram!

Romantic Relationship Tropes:

Friends-to-lovers

Enemies-to-lovers

Forbidden love (it can be an external or internal taboo)

Stuck together - 'trapped in an elevator'

Secret identity (billionaire/royal/celebrity in hiding)

Best friend's brother/sister/ex

Seconc chance romance

Soulmates (soulmate AU prompts)

Fake relationship

Wedding fever - runaway brides/best men/wedding planners/ jilted

Amnesia/mistaken identity

Holiday romances/flings

Opposites attract (similar to enemies to lovers)

Academic rivals (high school/ college)

Unrequited love

Sunny vs. Grumpy

Pen pals to lovers

Matchmaking gone wrong

Sworn off a relationship (then falling in love, of course)

Single parent with new love

Arranged marriage (Arranged Marriage Prompts)

Return to hometown & fall in love with your childhood friend

Bully turned out to be the nice guy

One person being afraid to commit + the other chasing them

Falling in love with someone from the past/future

Tiny guy, huge girl

Other Character Dynamic Tropes:

Badass and child duo (usually, the child will be extraordinarily mature/capable)

Battle couple (like Mr. and Mrs. Smith vibes)

Blood brothers

Brother-sister team - bickering but working perfectly together

Intergenerational friends - being best buddies with your grandparents, which your parent doesn't understand

Translator buddy

Talker plus Doer duo

Student and Master team

'Sensitive guy + the most macho guy ever' duo

Rivals-to-friends

The Shy Guy/Girl + the outging wingman

The popular girl/guy + the copycat

Ride-or-Die found family

A childhood enemy becomes a central part of a friend group

Parents who see their kids become best friends too

Orphans from the same orphange

Long lost siblings finding themselves in each other

A straight girl + lesbian as bffs / a straight guy + gay guy as bffs, becoming each other's wingmen/women

a secret handshake or unique SOS sign that only they know

Girl code/bro code/friendship code

Having set routines, like meeting under ---- tree at --- hour

Family Tropes

Adoption angst

adult adoptee - an adult character is adopted into a different family despite being legally of age

Awkward parent-child bonding efforts

Babies ever after - the child is forever a baby to the parents

Black sheep/ugly duckling

Cannibal clan

Feminine mother, tomboyish daughter

Obnoxious in-laws

Twin Tropes

Angst surviving twin - on twin dies so that other becomes nervous

Single-minded twins - can have a creepy twist...

Evil twin

Playing their own twin

Twin telepathy - twins can pick up on each other's thoughts/emotions

[devotioncrater]

I am once again going to queer analyze the fuck out of Ted Lasso, specifically the scene with Trent and Ted in the hallway at the end of Season 3, Episode 7.

Trent swoops in as the door is closing behind Ted, calls out, “TED!”, and then he runs towards Ted, who is walking away from him. Ted turns, bewildered, because here is Trent -- cool, calm, awkward Trent -- completely out of his shell like never before. There’s a spark to Trent. He’s excited, he’s rambling, he’s so close to Ted. He’s vulnerable, too, because he is laying everything he’s thinking and feeling out in the open. (“It’s going to work!” “And I’ll tell you why -- The Lasso Way!” “You haven’t switched tactics in a week!”)

Chemistry goes both ways. It’s a feedback loop, in a sense, because Ted is taking in what Trent is giving. He turns fully to face Trent, even turning when Trent leaves; actively engages by asking questions (“Great! What is?” “Why?” “I haven’t?”); and the more this interaction goes on, the more Ted’s face goes from bewildered to fond. Is he humoring Trent by letting him ramble? Yeah, he is, because he finds it endearing.

The way it’s shot plays a massive role, too. We the audience know that Roy and Beard are there all along. However, we temporarily forget their presence because the camera is equally close on both Trent and Ted. And the intensity of Trent’s rambling distracts us. It’s not until their little conversation is over that the angle is zoomed out and we’re reminded they aren’t alone. It’s intentionally done like that as an insight onto how Ted feels. He’s tuned in on what Trent has to say, and everything else falls away to the background.

In a heavy rom-com episode, this is the love interest’s confesional to the main character.

Trent was sparking. So much so I’ve seen people say they expected the two to kiss. And that thought doesn’t just pop up out of nowhere. You don’t arrive to that conclusion baseless. Which means:

1) The simmering three-season-long groundwork put into their relationship is rock solid.

2) The romcom beats -- which have gotten more frequent -- are subconciously hitting the audience and therefore priming us to expect a follow through (re: a kiss)

3) Characters do not get that close unless it’s to kiss, fight, or scheme. Clearly they aren’t fighting or scheming, so what other expectation is there?

Now hold onto your hat, cowboy. This is where it gets fun.

This hallway scene is a direct parallel to Rebecca and Ted in the West Ham hallway. It’s at an away game; Rebecca and Trent are both potential love interests with an air of manic energy; and, again, it takes place in a hallway with the team in the locker room. 

Only this time, with Trent, everything is subverted. 

Ted walks to Rebecca vs Trent runs to Ted.

Rebecca touches Ted vs Trent doesn’t physically engage.

Ted being uncomfortable the entire interaction vs Ted leaning into the interaction.

Beard and Roy not being present vs Beard and Roy being there.

This subversion also applies to where Rebecca and Trent’s respective manic energy stem from. Their energy levels are foils of one another. 

Rebecca’s stems from negative external factors outside of Richmond (re: Rupert) and the fact the team is losing the match/things are not working.

Trent’s stems from positive internal factors within Richmond (re: belief in The Lasso Way) and the fact things are going to work despite the team losing the match.

Let’s get queer up in here and extrapolate those subversions to sexuality:

Ted slowly approaches heterosexuality (Rebecca), alone (without community) and is uncomfortable by the external pressures placed upon him, the way heterosexuality imposes its touch on him. He visibly looks/feels worse after the interaction.

vs

Queerness (Trent) running up behind Ted with a warning shout (hitting Ted when he doesn’t expect it) and while Ted is surrounded by others (with community). And at first Ted is confused by it, but as soon as he hears it out, gives it a chance, he grows fond of what it has to say. It does not impose its touch on him, and the pressure is an excited internal one. Ted visibly looks/feels better after the interaction.

In Trent’s words, it’s going to work.

[writingquestionsanswered]

Hi there! First time asking! I could use some advice on... well. Having actual plot. I write mostly character-centric stories about people and their relationships to each other, often in the wake of an event that has shaken up their lives. But these are stories where nothing really happens. I'm horrible at coming up with active plot events that aren't human entanglements. I feel awkward and clunky introducing this sort of plot stuff (like a disaster, a quest/mission, an active antagonist with a plan, etc) and struggle to even come up with things. I find I usually write stories where the plot has already happened and what's left is the human debris. I want to evolve into writing stories where stuff happens, but I don't know how to start.

Character-Driven, Plot-Driven, and Plot

Just a quick refresher... Stories revolve around conflict. Stories that focus on internal conflict are called character-driven stories. Stories that focus on external conflict are called plot-driven stories. And lots of stories have both internal and external conflict.

There are many, many wonderful character-driven stories that do not have a plot-driven element such as a disaster, quest/mission, antagonist with a plan, etc. The reason it still feels like "something's happening" in those stories, even without the external conflict, is because there's a purpose to the internal conflict. Usually, it's following a character's emotional arc from beginning to end as their internal conflict evolves. Sometimes, it can be following multiple characters' emotional arcs as their internal conflict evolves. Either way, the key is understanding character arc and how the protagonist (and possibly other main characters) change internally as a result of the events of the story. And those kinds of events can be human entanglements or other internal-conflict driven elements, but you can also bring external problems in... something like an accident, someone getting fired from their job, being mugged on the way home, that sort of thing. Whatever works to bring your character/s through the internal journey you want them to go on.

If you still feel like you want to explore stories that have a plot-driven element alongside the character-driven one, have a look at the following posts:

Basic Story Structure Beginning a New Story How to Move a Story Forward Plot Driven vs Character Driven Stories Understanding Goals and Conflict Finding a Story in Characters and Setting Guide: Filling Your Creative Well

Happy writing!

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

I’ve been writing seriously for over 30 years and love to share what I’ve learned. Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!

LEARN MORE about WQA

SEE MY ask policies

VISIT MY Master List of Top Posts

COFFEE & FEEDBACK COMMISSIONS ko-fi.com/wqa

[bookofmirth]

The main reason why I call bs on that argument, that it's Elucien Sjm had in mind when talking about the whole "mated but wrong for each other" is because it's so unlike Sjm to make them mates, only to have one reject it and both go they seperate ways without exploring first. Like... what would be the point? Just so El/riel could have an obstacle to go through? Because nothing else really stands in their way and honestly, elucien's mating bond would be a cheap obstacle. Elain isn't forbidden from anything, it's Elain who has the choice to decide and Rhys doesn't want Azriel to get in the way of that. If she'd were to reject it, Rhys would be on her side no matter what and provide protection. Lucien would accept the rejection anyway... so, we'd read a whole ahh book about characters playing hide and seek for nothing. Sjm would've paired Elucien for no nothing at all.

It would've been far more epic if Tamlin was Feyre's actual mate but she still chooses Rhys. 1. Based on how Tamlin reacted without a bond, imagine him having one? 2. Feylin already bonded, so to have her choose someone else over someone she has a bond with and was in love with would make sense and prove, that her love for Rhys is very strong. 3. Spring court vs Night court. Rhys can't do much without risking his people. There would be an actual blood duel. And the other courts might hold Rhys back for the simple reason that no one has any business to come between a mated pair, least of all a mating bond that includes a high lord and they just don't want a useless war.

Well, we already kinda have that story, just with Rhys being her mate. Just saying that it would worsen their situation if Tamlin was her actual mate.

Elain and Azriel literally isn't forbidden anything, no one gives a shit, including Sarah, which is why she hasn't given people who ship it anything since his chapter.

And what she gave there was a clear sign of "ummm, this is dark and awkward and feeling ashamed of being with someone probably isn't the way to go???" juxtaposed with Azriel feeling better and more lighthearted when thinking about Gwyn's smile. The woman wasn't even in the room and the thought of her made him smile.

People who don't admit the importance of that are being intellectually dishonest.

we'd read a whole ahh book about characters playing hide and seek for nothing.

Is THIS why Elain has barely been on the page? lol

You are so right about Feyre, Tamlin, and Rhys. If she really wanted to explore those questions in such a way that the answer always came down to making your decisions, what a perfect - and still super impactful - way to do that by making Feyre Tamlin's mate, and for her to still choose Rhys because she loves him. That would actually be such a good story, someone should write that fanfic. But that's just not the type of story sjm writes. She gives relationships a much cleaner path to endgame. And the Feyre/Tamlin/Rhys triangle really proves that to Sarah, the answer is both - freewill and fate. Love and a mating bond.

A while back, when the forbidden romance trope was a hot topic of conversation, I brought up that sjm doesn't tend to write external conflict for her couples, but internal. What I mean is that her couples don't get together right away because of their own trauma, the emotional journeys they need to go on, or how they relate/react to one another. She has never written a ship where the people can't be together because of a third party - another person, a political situation, another love interest, someone who is jealous, whatever. The closest I can think of is when Maeve was going to control Rowan and then he took the blood oath to Aelin - but they weren't romantic at the time. They weren't for another full book.

The fact that she has all of her mated couples be endgame and in love tells me that she thinks the answer is a bit of both - fate and what you make of it.

[scarefox]

I know some people are annoyed with Ryan not responding and being frozen by fear basically. But as someone with an anxiety disorder and social awkwardness, insecurity of social norms, this is so on point. Some of us simply can not speak under high pressure. Gladly I don't do that anymore that often.

But what I like especially about the series so far, is to see the gap between Ryans bad expectations on how Jane and the crew might react and think vs how Janes reasonable reactions are in reality. Also the external effect Ryans behavior has on people, which is realistic and understandable to an extend. (it's important to understand why people react confused and misunderstanding towards "not normal" behavior since you send mixed signals they can not understand properly)

I understand Jane being confused and a bit frustrated but he's slowly getting that Ryans quietness is not out of spite or disinterest but due to insecurity (nice opposite example is BaMinee who is quiet and ignoring orders because she doesn't give a damn about the job). The extra ladies reaction of not taking Ryan serious as authority figure... well that is an actual issue of real life as well. People trample over you when they notice your weakness, just for the sake of it. Same for the stylists who treated Pie badly just because she's an intern and therefore lower ranking than them, even tho she was just doing her job.

[mo0l]

i kinda have a lot of problems with autism as a framework,, i mean its cute dont get me wrong and i know zoomers on social media like to use it like they do trans as an idpol signifier for finding other "cool weirdos", but i hate how restrictive people can be about what it is to be autistic (ironic i know).

Like for starters, autism is basically co-opted as some like being inherently anxious and socially awkward disease, i get naturally why these are stereotypes of it but its annoying when people make statements like "omg autistic people cant naturally infer unspoken social rules!!" like bro stfu no one can, neurotypicals had to learn that too they were just faster about it and probably intuited it at an earlier age due to more consistent socializing, theres a reason the more consistently socialized from a young age autistic people dont struggle with these things as much in a generalized sense either!

secondly i hate the term of "masking". I get that its useful for some people, but I feel like really internalizing this framework of socializing is shooting yourself in the foot. You're setting yourself up for socializing being a hard, unnatural thing when you frame it as something you have to perform that "doesnt come naturally to you". I don't mean to be an ass, no form of socializing comes naturally to anyone. What this really means is you prefer socializing with people who arent as formal and youre comfortable with. While neurotypicals may not express this as plainly as neurodivergents, neurotypical people generally prefer these things as well! Theres a reason they keep friends! They just generally arent as opposed to meeting new people as neurodivergent people generally are. Again, this is likely a case of being more socialized. Most of these trait between autistic and allistic can be summed up as being unsocialized vs socialized. And youre capable of learning social norms! And it doesnt have to be exhausting unnatural horrible masking that rips your true soul out of your heart and severs your personality into two! it genuinely gets easier the more you do it, you might still be someone who needs more alone time than others but goddamn i dont think most people are anywhere close to understanding where they truly fit on that scale because they dont try,,, all of this is also to say you dont need to value socializing as much as others either,, if youre happy being insular and autistic, like genuinely, then no reason to change it unless you want! but i feel like a lot of people just accept themselves as being this glorified faux pop-self help idea of autistic and hate having to live as an autistic person and dont really realize how much they limit themselves and just seek to externalize all their issues,,, which isnt to victim blame obviously, being autistic is hard but idk we're in a weird time with online self diagnosing n shit,, this is a lot I've written out I'm really ranting. I hate restricting myself to frameworks! idpol is retarded!!! the bad kind

[ill-be-istj-if-no-one-else-is]

Hi Em,

Hoping you can help me figure out my MBTI and/or enneagram type or at least point me towards the right direction.

As a writer, I do a detailed sentence by sentence outline for a specific chapter I’m writing and overall rough outline for the book. In life and in writing, I can veer off the plan, but as long as I have that end goal in mind, I’m good. It’s like seeing a train light in the fog – you know it’s coming even if you can’t see it clearly yet. Writing for me is all about enemies to lovers, witty banter, power struggles and internal monologue just like my life lol. I write best when it’s episodic or shorter segments at a time. I also need feedback the interactivity from fans to keep me engaged.

With routine, I need some external push, like deadlines from work, classes, or events, to get me going. If you say by the end of the week, it will done early or on time. If you say by the 15th I procrastinate or it’s late. It’s weird how that works. I also need actionable tangible steps to things otherwise I’m lost. Cleanliness and organization are my jam, not because I love order, but because I love beauty. I trust my gut and intuition for the final say with my heart making most of the decisions. It has to feel right or I get physically ill.

Aesthetics are huge for me – I’m all about beauty, art, culture and hedonism. I love nature, animals, children, reading, solitude, the supernatural, the dark, the taboo, the mythical, spiritual, touch, excitement and adventure. Good sex, good convo, beautiful clothes, good food- 100% me. I’m into enjoying life’s pleasures, and I spend a lot of time making sure my appearance reflects who I am. It’s not about others liking me; it’s about them knowing what kind of person I am upfront and they can do what that what they will.

I believe in fate, but sometimes I get too passive, waiting for things to happen instead of making them happen. I prefer alone or with my partner vs others. I don’t like venting without having some sort of solution at the end, some sort of action. I get frustrated, and I’m like, "Ok, but what are you going to try to do about it?" Doing can be crying, talking, or just giving yourself some time to think. It just has to have an action.

I’m quietly ambitious and if I want it I get it. I hate complaining or sharing my problems, preferring to work through things on my own. But when I do reach out, it’s all about finding solutions, getting that step-by-step guide to hitting my goals. My emotions are private but I go nuclear if pushed too far. I’m not about revenge- that’s up to the universe and it takes too much patience and minute detail, which just isn’t me.

Socially, I’m a bit of an enigma. I’ve faced bullying, which makes me cautious in social settings, despite being quite good with people one-on-one. I’m not into trends or networking; it feels inauthentic, though part of me wonders if it’s because I feel like I have nothing to offer. Talking up my achievements feels awkward; I’d rather let them speak for themselves. I’m the person who sees the talent in others and isn’t shy about pointing it out.

I have to know myself 100%- I can’t move forward without it. Once I hit a goal, I’m done and onto the next, always striving for excellence. Competition motivates me, but I’m not cutthroat. I work at my own pace, based on my mood. I’m generally calm until I’m not, and then it’s zero to a hundred. I struggle to express anger healthily, thanks to having to bottle it up when I was younger.

I’m triggered by the following: being called over-emotional, needy, lack of personal space and control, group projects, noise for the sake of noise. I worry about wasted potential and not living up to my gifts and talents. Hate being a second romantic choice option. I am intense, nicer than I look. I’m great at reading people in person because I can get a strong feel for their energy, vibes and body language. But online-social media feels like a minefield where I’m constantly misreading or attracting the wrong kind of attention.

I appreciate it, Em

Hi anon,

I am fairly confident you are a high Fi user, and I think with that in mind you are likely an Se user - the aesthetic focus is one part, but also what you said about needing interactions to stay engaged with writing (whereas I'd expect an NFP to be sufficiently hooked on the conceptual aspect) seems likely. I personally think the topics that interest someone in writing are not really dictated by MBTI, but how one approaches writing definitely is. High Se is also, generally, the best in my opinion at reading people; there's an attunement to body language. My guess here is ISFP.

The part about needing a routine to ground you/procrastination without clear deadlines is more in line with perceiving, though plenty of things (eg, ADHD) can complicate that, and going through this in order it was that followed by the comment on inauthenticity that led me to high Fi. It sounds like you're an introvert in MBTI but fairly comfortable with people, which is not unusual for feelers - I know a decent number of ISFPs and they tend to be quite personable but ultimately prefer to hang out with only a few people.

The ambition aspect is interesting though - you see this in high Se, to be fair, but much less so in the Se-auxes than with the Se-doms. I'm wondering if this is a relatively new thing, especially if you're at a point where inf Te would be starting to deepen.

[stayshut]

Brat vs Demure: A Sexual Wellness Showdown with Thirdbase’s Massagers

Brat vs Demure phenomenon - playful clash of bold and refined approaches to sexual wellness. This buzzworthy phenomenon is shaking up personal satisfaction routines. But let’s be clear: sexual wellness isn’t just a trend—it’s here to stay. 

Buckle up as we explore Thirdbase’s sparkling lineup of six, yes six, fabulous massagers. Are you ready to meet your new favorite pleasure partners? Let’s dive in and discover what makes these delights so special!

“The brat summer vibe, recently popularised by English musician Charli XCX, focuses on how to be stylishly unkempt, being yourself, and not bothering about putting things together according to norms. Brat summer is typical Y2K fashion popular among the cool kids, the Gen Z.” - sources So we do love our brat girls and boys, and we have something for ya’ll.

So let’s stir up trouble with the ‘Brat Brigade!’

First up in our Brat corner is Blush

This internal massager is like that mischievous friend who knows exactly how to push your buttons—and in the best way possible. With its unparalleled performance, Blush delivers powerful sensations while keeping things hush-hush. No one will know what kind of fun you’re having—except for you. It’s the perfect blend of silent power and cheeky allure. It’s like having a personal secret that’s just between you and your pleasure.

And now, let’s give a big cheer for Noah

The sleek, compact marvel that’s like a Swiss Army knife but without the awkward penknife. With 10 adjustable settings, Noah adapts to whatever mood you're in! Be it a gentle buzz to a powerful frequency. Designed for external clit stimulation, this travel-friendly delight fits right in your pocket. It's quite like the multipurpose makeup kit you carry in your purse all the time. Noah is the cheeky companion who fits right in your pocket, suitcase, or even your purse. The external massager is a treat for the “lady down there” for sure. Also, the speeds are to die for.

Meet Leo, the no-nonsense, bold powerhouse with a textured twist.

This cheeky contender for the ones with “manhood.” It brings a firm, confident grip that means business for sure. With a plethora of speed and a compact, daring frame, Leo delivers reliable thrills with an extra dose of attitude. It’s the kind of massager that crashes the party with a bang—unapologetically intense, always ready to cause a sensation, and never afraid to steal the spotlight.

Time to meet the ‘Refined Grace Meets Celestial Charm’ the demure darlings!

Eve – The Mango Madame

Over in the Demure corner, we have Eve, who is as stylish and compact as a pocket-sized perfume. Shaped like a mango (Fruits are like nature's candy), Eve is the epitome of grace and sophistication. Offering external clit stimulation with 10 intensity modes and water-resistant features, Eve is perfect for anyone who appreciates elegance with a splash of practicality. She’s your go-to for a refined, portable bliss experience that fits right into your lifestyle.

 Arc – The Dual-Action Diva

Introducing Arc, the epitome of sophisticated dual-stimulation. This elegant marvel features two beautifully crafted ends, designed to cater to your every desire with grace. With its longer, flexible arm perfect for internal exploration and a shorter, delicately stimulating head for external bliss, Arc is the versatile jewel in your collection. If you appreciate a touch of everything (and who doesn’t?), Arc is your refined companion for bliss that’s as varied as it is exquisite.

Adam – The Squishy Sensation

Say hello to Adam, the stretchy, squishy sensation that’s here to adapt to your every curve. If Demure were a pillow, Adam would be the cloud-soft, comforting, and ever so accommodating. Designed for fuller lengths, Adam doesn’t need a battery or a charger—just a good rinse and a dash of enthusiasm. It’s the low-maintenance buddy that’s always up for a good time, with no strings or cords attached.

Whether you’re drawn to the playful, bratty side of pleasure or the elegant, demure approach, Thirdbase has you covered with its stellar lineup. From the silent seductions of Blush to the stylish grace of Eve, and from the mischievous versatility of Arc to the sophisticated charm of Leo, there’s a massager for every mood and moment.

So, which side are you on? The playful Brat or the elegant Demure? With Thirdbase’s diverse range of products, you don’t have to choose—why not indulge in a little bit of both? Because in the end, the best bliss is the one that brings you joy, whether it’s cheeky or refined. Go ahead, explore, enjoy, and let your pleasure parade begin!

[mosesdumpin]

It's kinda disheartening at times, although it definitely feels like... a stupid gripe to have. As much as I try, its not always easy to take situations (scenarios? cultural pivot points? whatever) without directly comparing it to situations that are not as personally relevant but obviously facing a more severe version or more pressing negatives.

Without sitting down to think about it too much (again, not the point of this musing) an easy comparison would be how dark your skin is allowed to be while also being a western sex symbol (this even... horrifyingly... translates to the global south and east asia) along with the elevation of "white" features vs the more representative features in a cultural/ethnic group.

The above is obviously a more damaging and wide reaching problem than the one I am presenting here, but since I am quite white and skirting on mostly scots-irish features in a german/ashkenazim body type, the above issue only indirectly chafes my experiences.

I know that overall personal hygiene is almost universally (source: I am so horny for a counter example tbh) considered a desirable physical trait, with exceptions tending to be for CONTEXT around why someone isn't appearing hygienic. That isn't really what the gripe is about (I am not going to say "white men should be allowed to be sloppy and also expect immediate physical validation" lol)

Its just... tbh most white men I have consistently hung around were not someone who could be posted on twitter to hunt for a mob of sweaty gifs. I nearly called them "ugly," quotations and all, there but fucking hell, they arent. And I don't mean their personality made them more attractive, or even the nebulous "how they carry" themselves. I mean like... physically they were interesting, distinct, and attractive.

For example, the first guy that comes to mind was the incredibly skinny and average heighted kid I was close with in the later years of high school. When I say skinny, I don't mean slim. I mean skeletal, even though he wasn't unhealthy or anything. His skin was worn tight around his features, his muscles more function over flash, his movements highlighted by features that seemed longer by the visible joints and bone.

He had large eyes, but they weren't bulging. A crooked hairline, and even in those young years his crown was thinning. The classic thin white boy lips, and angular features. We were all awkward, but his stumbling coming-of-age screamed eternal. He didn't have the height that other boys with similar body types could lean on, and wasn't inclined to strenuous physical activity like sports or weight lifting (not lazy, mind you)

I remember him, along with a surprisingly diverse group of friends he and I belonged to, because he felt the anger and despair that comes with thinking you just simply weren't born the right way to get the kind of love you deserve. It manifested exactly how a funny jokester on twitter might lay out - a bitterness towards women and more physically acceptable men that stretched far outside what was reasonable without tracing the problem any further than that.

Now me. I am strikingly average. Not in the "all white men look the same" kind of way, but in a bell curve kind of way. I was average weight, average height, average face shape, etc. Looking at my individual features might paint a more novel picture but somehow putting them all together gives me god damn chameleon powers. I will note that these judgements come from YEARS of self-assessment both internally and with external validation, and is not meant to be self-deprecation NOR am I implying that this is the conclusion people will always make when they look at me.

My point is actually that people have yet to be compelled to look at me without some non-physical stimulus. With adjustments and realizations, this suits me quite well tbh. I will never be eye-grabbing, but I can play any social role a white man can play with just a little prep time, and I've had to work on who I am internally in order to be remembered.

I bring up my friend and myself because I considered us both in the same boat, when I know he did not. I was just close enough to the general acceptance of physical attractiveness to not be a problem, but far enough away to make him feel isolated. That he was the only "ugly" one in the room.

I will skip some of the obvious problematic lessons this boy had to learn. You can probably guess some of them. These days, however, he wears his hair wavy-messy in a way that doesn't cover up his bald spot since it seems to just affect his crown, but changes it from a problem to a quirk. He is still skinny, and pale (did I mention that?) and frankly doesn't really look much different to me after all these years besides the hair. HOWEVER, the awkwardness that prophesized to be eternal did leave him at some point, and now when he moves all the tight skin and telltale bones and joints seem intentional. He moves his arms, hands and fingers deliberately and slowly but most of all, he moves them at the same time. It generates a grace that doesn't come from your typical sources of agility like sports, yoga, dancing, etc. He simply accepted his body in a very subtle and (to me) impressive way.

this isn't going to be a "he loved himself for who he was" story.

He aged a bit, got some laugh lines and forehead creases. His pronounced skull is now defined as sharp and handsome. Of course, he didn't physically change. He adapted and adjusted. How he got there from the MRA-incel adjacent angsty 19 year old I left him to be is a mystery, but he isn't far off from my own personal ideological vagary of egalitarian compassion. Its not something it happens often and knowing him and feeling the same bitterness its hard... sometimes... to remember that what awful man he COULD have been is the unexpected abberant... and not a reasonable response from a kid that was stoked through progressive lefts calling every bad person ugly or creepy on twitter as a clapback or being told he has to earn love, somehow, through means that are a mystery to him from some chode who clearly landed upper management at their father's lawfirm with the Chris Hemsworth face.

Obviously the less-than-ideal white men aren't destined for the worst outcome, and its not what I'd call an excuse since clearly there is a path out. I will eat my PC if that path was exclusively internal and without some kind of validation though, and with how we treat people... why be surprised? You helped make this hell casserole. Stop putting shit in the casserole.

[ankoku-teion]

Ok, so. To do a somewhat better job of articulating my feelings on this:

I know for a certainty that I am not simply cisgender.

I have questioned my gender previously but never took it further than the inside of my head. June of this year, I took a leap and bought myself some feminine clothing and it has changed my world significantly.

I started doing some research and some reading and some deep exploration of myself. Because I've never really tried to engage with the gender identity labels before.

I started off exploring the ideas of being a-gender, enby, or gender fluid.

I've not got a strong internal sense of what my gender is exactly. There's nothing in there that says "i am MAN" or "I am WOMAN" that a lot of other people seem to have. So maybe a-gender. But a lot of the a-gender people I've read/spoken to have a very definite sense of NOT being those things, which I also dont have. I just lack the abstract concept, which I think is because I'm autistic, so I just engage with my gender in a different way. Which is true of my emotions. I dont have an abstract concept of a lot of emotions, instead I experience them as physical sensations which I then have to consciously translate.

So probably not a-gender?

I've ruled out gender fluid too on the basis that I dont feel differently from day to day, I still want to express it in the same ways I just feel external pressure not to in some situations. (And sorting out what was internal Vs external took me a long time too)

Over the course of this I've been edging towards the trans label too. It might fit me? But.i don't quite feel comfortable identifying that way. I feel like I'm trespassing or something. I have friends who are binary trans and on HRT, and have been for years, and I've talked with them a lot over the years about their struggles and experiences. Taking on the label feels disrespectful to them I guess. And trying to talk about this with them was fucking nerve-wracking too, even though I knew they'd understand, I couldn't suppress the fear that they'd call me out as a weirdo and tell me I was appropriating their community.

So for now I'm settling on Enby. Because I know I'm not a cis man, but I don't feel comfortable with trans woman either. Trans as a broad umbrella term, I'm ok with, but "trans woman" specifically gives me trepidation.

I definitely like dressing femme, the first picture I took of myself in a blue dress with my red wig was the first picture of myself that I've seen since I was 14 and not instantly hated. I wear silicone breasts and a bra full time now too, and it just feels right in a way I can't explain.

Every time someone on this site uses she/her or calls me Sarah I get a small thrill of happiness down my spine. And my friends have remarked that I'm noticeably happier and more energetic overall the last couple of weeks.

I actually enjoy clothes shopping now too? It's still as awkward and frustrating as it ever was, if not moreso now because it's even harder to find anything that fits, but when I do, it makes me happy enough that it's worth it.

I'm still crap at painting my nails, but again, it makes me very happy. Even the opportunity to be frustrated and disappointed by the results feels better than not doing it.

I saw a post a couple of hours ago about fish not knowing they're wet, and that being a metaphor for trans folk in denial and dysphoria. And I honestly am starting to feel like the fish being lifted out of the water. Panicky and scared. But also now I know the water is wet.

My mental health has been in the shit since I was 14, Ive constantly hated myself and my body for seemingly all different reasons or no reason at all. Now in hindsight it kind of makes sense.

I'm taking this whole thing in small steps and avoiding the big questions for now, because trying to think about that now is overwhelming, but it kind of all falls into place when I look back on it.

hey are you a girl now

Ehhh, I guess?

I'm definitely happier being femme. Still not entirely sure what to do with that.

[blackgirl-galactica]

Astro Observations with Claude ❤️🌻✨

NOTE: WHILE I AM NOT A PROFESSIONAL ASTROLOGER, I LIKE ASTROLOGY AND IT’S ASPECTS! PLEASE DO NOT STEAL OR REPOST MY WORK! THANKS! ❤️

-Hey y’all!

-Your local tarot lady/astrology student is back with some more astrology observations!! I love growing an learning this so you know how we do it over here!

- Retrogrades don’t necessarily mean the opposite of the planet’s effects. It can manifest that way, yet the point of retrograde astrologically means going within and reflecting before acting. 🧐🔎 That’s how you can think of rx planets whether in transit or in your natal chart! ✨ I’ve also noticed people with natal rx planets tend to be better problem solvers than natal direct people.

-I’ve noticed two things from Saturn dominants vs. Pluto dominants: Saturn prepares for the world externally 🌎. Pluto prepares for the world internally 😶‍🌫️. One prepares by establishing external order and enforcing discipline (whether to themselves or to the things around them). The other prepares by purging the remnants of one environment to morph with the next environment.

-Leo’s aren’t as shallow as y’all portray them. While yes they may hold onto their ego, they understand relationships are transactional (which they are). They understand that no one is going to make them feel less than. Nope! 🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅

-To have a Moon-NN aspect (esp a harsher aspect like square, opposition, and even conjunction) means that in this lifetime you are supposed to understand the importance of your own emotions, comfort, and nurturing ❤️. I point out the harsher aspects because they give more challenges, and it may be harder to recognize that you need this. Also, in this lifetime you are meant to understand what home is like to you and where you feel safest. 🏠

-Don’t necessarily resonate with your natal chart and also don’t resonate with the transits going through your chart at the moment? Look at your progressed chart. It’s like the transits for your life in this moment in time. It actually helped me a lot 😂😂🧐.

-Mars in the water houses (4H, 8H, 12H) anger can be a lot more terrifying than other houses. That anger is coming from a deeper place. Esp if this Mars happens to aspect Pluto. Remember these houses all have one theme in common: the subconscious mind. These placements may not always be the first to be confrontational, but when they do don’t be surprised if you’re sliding down a wall for three days rethinking every decision you made up to that point. 🤣🤣💀.

-Knowing your chart ruler helps you understand your outlook on life, but also your dominant planet! This planet may also have alot of influence on your life and how you go about it. 🪐

-The Pluto in Sagittarius ♐️ generation (1995-2008) will not let you slide if you got fucked up beliefs! Jupiter (philosophy, belief systems) is very hard on the beliefs and morality. I think we’re also the generation that created cancel culture over what someone says. We do it because if you say certain goofy stuff it’s probably because you believe in said goofy stuff. Because why are you still putting that out in the ether? And that’s one of our powers (Pluto). We are gonna make you think twice before you say something crazy. 😂😂😂😂😂

-I’ve mentioned this on Twitter but I’ll mention it again here. I’ve noticed inconjunct pairings (Pisces x Leo; Cancer x Sagittarius; Aries x Virgo) get along well to my surprise! Inconjuncts usually are an aspect that speak of irritation, awkwardness, or just not having common ground. Yet, when these pairs get together and get to know each other, it’s a newfound adoration for each other. I really love it 🥰.

-If you have the ruler of your 11H in your 2H you may not only be able to make money well (11H: gains), but also save it for awhile. While 2H is famously known for how we make money, I’ve noticed it can also reveal how we are with saving money, as the 2H also talks about what brings us stability (it’s an Earth house after all). If your 11H and 2H aren’t afflicted in general or with one another, this is material gworl energy!! 💸💰🤑🤑

-I’ve noticed people with stelliums (esp if you have more than one stellium) in their chart can find it very difficult to focus their attention on more than one thing. For example if they start something, they may focus just on that project before they move on to the next one. Balance can also be an issue for them too, as a stellium is concentrated in one area of a chart. I feel y’all 🤣😭.

-Y’all when I tell y’all 8H or 12H folks don’t need to tell folks nothing if they are planning to do something!!!!! I’ve had a client say this to me (they had 8H placements) and this happens to me as well with my 12H placements! And other peers have come and said this with said placements. These two houses are synonymous in hidden forces. Because the minute we speak on something (before it’s set and stone) it goes awry. Just something I’ve observed and experienced time and time again 😅😂😂😩.

-That’s all for this one! Hope you enjoyed it!

-Tips made to: $DellyRelly

-See ya later!!

Claude

..

[brettseydaily]

Thoughts on 10.01: Mayday

So was Brettsey hiding their relationship or were they just in their bubble? I think they were just in their bubble because Matt’s reaction was not OMG PEOPLE KNOW!

I mentioned it yesterday but the episode really showed how different the start of their relationship is vs other OC couples. They are best friends, they know each other, there is no awkward getting to know you stage for these two. 

I LOVE how everyone was like.. yup they are dating.. and it wasn’t a big deal. I have to admit I was one that was worried about some of the house’s reaction, especially Herrmann’s, so to see 51 just be happy for them, made me happy.

I really REALLY want them to properly explore a possible ptsd arc for Cruz, this is soo needed on this show.

I LOVE the trio of Gallo, Ritter and Violet soo much!!

No slight against Mackey/Adriyan but I haven’t been as excited about Brett’s ambo partner since Foster (or Mills)

I cannot express enough how much joy DomesticBrettsey brought me

Mama Severide is so going be a thorn on Stellaride’s side huh?

Question.. what was Matt going to do with a solo air tank?

Question 2.. why didn’t they just move the aerial during the rescue?

now to some of the dreaded Haas quotes

the fact that seemingly every interview Haas goes out of his way to describe Brettsey as “solid and stable” is not for naught

meaning you don’t usually describe a couple that way when you are about to break them up, to me it tells more about how they will react to the obstacles they will be faced with and I like my odds with a solid and stable couple

I know several theories have been floated around but just remember that the obstacles are described as EXTERNAL to them being a couple.. and some of the more outlandish theories (you know which ones I am talking about) would definitely fall under internal.. I mean you can’t get more internal than a pregnancy!

Big changes/obstacles don’t necessarily mean heartbreak/heartache for a couple

As I mentioned above it is very telling how much the show is going out of it’s way to describe and show them as stable

My money is at least one of the obstacles being the return of the Darden boys

[wheelofbrainrot]

One thing to think about is how would the list work in the context of a show? It's a very internal part of Rand's character, akin to Perrin's struggle with violence vs pacifism. Personally I think it could feel really heavy handed and awkward if Rand is just listing names of people he killed constantly.

That being said, I think there are ways the show could nod to the list without actually /doing/ it. Right now it seems like they're having Rand deal with the trauma of being the dragon by having him isolate himself from the rest of his friends. Currently that's probably to protect them from him going mad from channeling. But eventually it could turn into "so that they don't die like XYZ people."

A lot of the changes the show made in s1 were to bring internal character struggles that work on the page to the external/visual world of a show. Some of those changes worked. Some of those very much did not. But I caution other fans before they say "if they cut X I'm out," to think about how keeping it would actually work.

surely there's a way to tell Rand's story without the toxic masculinity. It's not that an essential part of his character unless I'm completely misreading him as a character?

[disasterhumans]

I’m really loving the contrast between the romances in c1 vs c2. There was certainly plenty of awkwardness to be had in c1, especially with Keyleth, but really the main romantic storylines were played out with a good deal of solemnity (Pike and Scanlan being something of an exception, but “awkward” is still not the best descriptor there). Thematically speaking many of the same issues are at play for the romances that are unfolding among the m9 (bearing in mind that I’m currently on ep 114), but the confusion and uncertainty is leading to a lot more external awkwardness and in-group gossiping than the quieter and more internal grappling that characterized a lot of VM’s pining. (of course, vm did speak to one another about their feelings and romantic interests to at least some extent, but they generally had more of an earnestly confessional air about them, rather than the casual ribbing and egging on among the m9, which then often leads to really honest outpourings of feeling.) I don’t really have a point here (at least not yet, maybe I will eventually), it’s just a really fun contrast to see playing out!

[danviers]

social  presentation  and  conduct.     repost  don’t  reblog.     bold for  always.     italics  for  sometimes.     hyperlink  for  circumstantial.     strike  for  never  or  not  applicable.  

how they introduce themselves in relaxed social settings.     alex can be a little awkward,  depending on the situation, but generally friendly unless given a reason not to be.  has a predisposition toward not having many friends, due to the nature of her job requiring so much secrecy and so much of her time, but won’t totally shut out the possibility of meeting new people.  

how they introduce themselves in a formal  /  professional setting.   straight - postured, polite  and self - assured,  with a firm handshake or salute.   if whoever she’s meeting is someone she’s disinclined to enjoy the company of, alex will still act with utmost professionalism, even if it feels forced.  in a work setting, whether openly identified as a DEO agent or undercover in the guise of FBI or secret service,  she prefers being referred to as agent danvers  /  director danvers. 

when  meeting  new  people    :   warm. cold.  guarded.  welcoming.  friendly.   rigid.  sceptical.  judgemental.  chatty.  shy.  timid. outgoing.  easily  initiates  conversation.  waits  for  someone  else  to  begin  conversation.  closed-off.  intimidating.  approachable.  cheerful.  internally  wary.  externally  wary.  small  talk.  eager  to  become  personable.  avoids  overly  personal  topics  and  questions.  likes  meeting  new  people.  neutral  about  meeting  new  people.  anxious  when  meeting  new  people.  dislikes  meeting  new  people.

in  crowded  social  settings     :     social  butterfly.  wallflower.  stays  close  to  those  they  know.  willing  to  branch  out  on  their  own.  comfortable.  thriving.  anxious.  wary.  hyper-vigilant.  observant.  self-absorbed.  attentive.  distracted.  disassociates.  overwhelmed  easily.  extroverted.  introverted.  ambivert.  people  watches.  inclusive.  exclusive.  hospitable.  unapproachable.  charismatic.  purposefully  attracts  attention  to  themselves.  unintentionally  attracts  attention  to  themselves.  charmingly  awkward.  uncomfortable  awkward.  suave.  unassuming.  pretentious.  code-switching.

conversational  conduct     :    attentive.    distractible.  dominates.  listens.  well-balanced.  shares.  withholds.  keeps  focus  on  the  other.  likes  to  keep  focus  on  themselves.  tries  to  keep  a  balanced  exchange  of  attention.  opens  up  easily.  avoids  vulnerability.  encourages  vulnerability  in  others.  uncomfortable  with  displays  of  vulnerability.  rambles.  concise.  wordy.  swears  casually.  swears  conservatively.  never  swears.  descriptive.  vague.  blunt.  flowery.  analogies.  wandering  topics.  stays  on  topic.  meandering.  focused.  tangents.  reserved.  poised.  expressive.   easily  ends  interaction.  finds  ways  to  continue  interaction.  lingers  until  the  other  indicates  they’re  done.  anxious  to  fill  silence.  comfortable  with  silence.

if  your  muse  is  neurodivergent  how  do  they  appear  masked  vs  unmasked  :    n / a

fashion  presentation     :    colourful.  muted.  neutrals.   neons.  pastels.  academic.   office.    business  casual.  casual.   business  formal.  camp.  conservative.  sensual.  bright.  dark.  frilly.  form-fitting.  sombre.  plain.  whimsical.   rigid.  monochromatic.  light  academia.  dark  academia.  alternative.  goth.  punk.  grunge.  pastel  goth.  boho.  ethnic  traditional.  modernised  traditional.  glamourous.  elegant.  experimental.  vintage.  artsy.  chic.  follows  trends.  doesn’t  pay  attention  to  trends.  vibrant.  practical.  sporty.  androgynous.  femme.  masc.

what  is  a  typical  outfit  for  your  muse  :     at work,  DEO regulation tactical attire ( black 1/4 zippered top, belted pants, boots ),  her modified combat suit, or a pantsuit.  in casual scenarios, alex prefers skinny jeans ( sometimes with knee rips ),  sweaters, flannels, hoodies,  henleys, t shirts and leather jackets.  alex wears a chunky wrist watch at all times.

when  others  need  comfort  they   :   listen, assess the situation and offer a shoulder to lean on, whether metaphorically or literally.  alex is innately a protector, empathetic and eager to help, and is someone who tends to put others needs before her own.

when  they  need  comfort  :     alex has a tendency to hold what’s bothering her close to her chest, and in some cases will turn to a glass of whiskey.  she’s more likely to open up to those closest to her, particularly kara or her significant other, but when she does accept comfort, what she usually needs is someone to listen, to hold her, to just sit with her.

typical  disposition  and  demeanour  of  your  muse  :    caring, courageous,  passionate, and tenacious to a fault.  can be intimidating and impulsive, even reckless, but possesses a strong sense of justice and a willingness to do anything for those she cares about.   can be a little awkward, but is generally warm - hearted and amiable. 

tagged  by:   @reignthem​  ❤ tagging:  @computerlads​,  @itrytobeagoodkid​,  @heroheart​,  @entropystained​,  @amazonluthor​,  @scribled​​,   @fiercebit​,  @oftomorrow​​