#even though yasha at least has done this before!

[captainkingsley]

Visiting Caduceus is a nice break for Kingsley.

He enjoys the time he spends with the rest of the Nein, of course he does. But there are always slip-ups. Someone calls him Molly by accident or references something from before he can remember, and it always hurts. Like a sliver he can't quite get out, a sharp sting of pain he can't describe.

Caduceus doesn't see that. He doesn't even see Lucien, actually, which is another comfort. He's got more of Lucien's memories by now, slowly creeping in despite his best efforts to push them away. Not because he doesn't want them, but more so that they don't influence who he is, so they don't completely overwhelm him at once. Like Yasha and Beau both said, he needs to continue on a better path, not the one Lucien took a running leap off the cliff of.

The memories aren't bad, for the most part. They're helpful, when they come in small bursts. A quick thought of danger and how to avoid it, or memory of how to use a skill he'd previously not understood.

Molly's memories are less helpful. They hurt more. Like an unfinished story still begging to be told, filled with love and ache that won't find solace. Brushes of hands or a closeness he's not familiar with, or playful jabs when he's more than tipsy. Molly's memories make him uncomfortable, because the Nein look at him and see them, too, and he always wants to grab them and say he's not me, he's not me, stop trying to put those memories onto me.

But he doesn't. He's an asshole, but he's not going to ruin the memory of a dear friend to the Nein in that way. Instead, he rolls with the punches, jokes around with them, and keeps it all inside.

Except with Caduceus.

Caduceus, who'd come around after Molly, had never met him, and had only seen Lucien without any of the biases or ties the rest of the group had. He'd welcomed Kingsley back into the Grove with no issue, no comment on his past, just a simple gesture and a mug of tea.

He likes Caduceus. Likes his family, too — they're more family than he's ever had, himself. He distantly recalls Lucien's family, but the memories of that feel sour. What little he can gauge of Lucien's parents isn't good, and his siblings, well —

He'd woken up one night after remembering Aldreda saying there's no room for you in my life anymore, and the memory had felt haunting and painful.

And he doesn't like to recall Elric. Sometimes he wonders how Lucien ever slept with those hollow, blackened eyes staring at him.

"You've got that look again." Caduceus says, looking down at Kingsley who's currently sitting in the longer grass of the yard, near the pond. Caduceus has finished his portion of re-casting the temple blessing for the day — how he has the focus to do it for so long every day, Kingsley will never understand.

"What look?" Kingsley asks, innocent as can be. He even bats his eyes to throw Caduceus off. Caduceus, however, has learned to read him, even his lies, and he's not swayed.

"You're remembering things." Caduceus says. "Which one this time?"

Kingsley grumbles to himself for a moment, settling back into the grass.

"Lucien."

"Good or bad?"

"Weird, mainly."

"Care to talk?"

"Already am." Kingsley huffs. But he gives in after just a moment. "Only if you make some of that tea we had last time."

"I can't guarantee it'll be the same," Caduceus says, reaching down to help Kingsley stand once more, "But it'll be close enough. And something to heal the hurt."

"Booze?" Kingsley says. Caduceus laughs.

"No booze. Just tea and a bit of talk."

"At least feed me if you're not going to give me alcohol," Kingsley says, following as Caduceus heads for the repaired home — the last several months, Caleb's old friends have been coming by to work on the home and the surrounding yard. They've done a good job, though the work will only be completed once Caduceus has finished his year-long spell.

"I'm sure we've got something." Caduceus assures him, and they head inside together.

[romeoandjulietyouwish]

for @pipsqueak216 thank you for submitting to help with my project!

Prompt: Jester and yasha confessing feelings and first kiss

Their relationship is relatively new, only a little more than a month old. Or well, at least Jester’s part in their relationship is new. Beau and Yasha have been together for six months and Jester is still getting used to the feeling of having two girlfriends. Or rather, one girlfriend and whatever her relationship with Yasha is. 

Jester has kissed Beau plenty, and done far more than kiss on numerous occasions. The two of them are solidly in a relationship. But Jester has yet to kiss Yasha. She was invited into their relationship because of Beau’s feelings for her, not Yasha’s so on some level, Jester feels guilty for the feelings growing for Yasha.

But they seem to be growing even more rapidly in recent days.

She finds herself staring at Yasha as she gardens, admiring the way the sweat collects on her brow and the pride in her eyes when she pulls a fully grown carrot from the dirt. And gods the way her muscles ripple when stretches after working out and her smile and her love of flowers and truly everything about her.

This giddy feeling of a crush is one of Jester’s favorite feelings, it feels almost like someone is blowing bubbles in her stomach. But the guilt comes from the fact that Jester knows about Zuala, that Jester knows how long it took for Yasha to feel comfortable enough to love Beau. 

Besides, who knows if Yasha even likes her that way in the first place.

Despite the fact that she wants nothing more than to ask Beau’s advice, she knows that this is a problem for her to solve by herself. Beau will tell Yasha and then the whole thing will become complicated. And it could lead to her losing this relationship entirely and that can’t happen because she loves them so much. 

So she keeps it to herself. Even if it means nearly biting through her lip when Yasha walks into their bedroom wearing nothing but a towel around her shoulders to soak up the water dripping from her hair. 

Beau and Jester are still in bed, though Beau is dressed in her robes, ready to leave for work and Jester is still in her light pink nightgown. For the past few minutes, Jester has been trying so hard to get Beau to skip work today and just stay with them.

When she sees Yasha, Beau grins and jumps off the bed to take Yasha by the waist and kiss her, “Morning, babe.” 

Yasha laughs against Beau’s lips, “Don’t you have to go to work soon?” 

Beau groans and rolls her eyes, “Jester says I don’t have to go and I can stay in bed with you two all day.” 

Jester grins and gets up, attaching herself to Beau’s back, “And you should listen to me because I’m always right.” She nips her fang against Beau’s earlobe, making the woman shiver. 

Yasha smiles at the two of them, “Well then it sounds like you don’t really have a choice.” 

Beau hums, but all too quickly shakes her head, “You two are such bad influences, Dairon will have my ass if I miss work again.” 

“What if I want your ass?” Yasha croons in Beau’s ear, squeezing her hip.

“Nope, nope, nope,” Beau extracts herself from her girlfriends’ arms, “I’m leaving before you can convince me to stay.” 

Jester pouts as Yasha laughs, “Have a good day at work, babe.” 

Beau sighs dramatically, but gives them both a kiss before darting out of the bedroom and closing the door behind her softly. As Beau leaves, Jester plops back down on the foot of the bed, watching Yasha as she digs around in the closet for what she wants to wear. Her tail flicks behind her playfully as she gazes over Yasha’s broad body. Yasha doesn’t seem bothered by her attention thankfully. 

And when Yasha is dressed in a soft green dress, she turns to look at Jester with an odd look on her face, “Is everything okay? You have a weird look on your face.”

Jester immediately blushes and covers her face with her hands. Her mama always said that she has a bad poker face. Of course Yasha can see the lust written all over her face. It’s honestly a miracle that Yasha or Beau hasn’t called her out on her massive crush on the barbarian. So…might as well bite the bullet, right?

“Yasha, can I ask you something?”

She hears Yasha laugh softly and the bed bounces a bit as she sits down beside her on the bed. “Of course.”

Jester keeps her hands over her face, sure she won’t be able to ask this if Yasha is looking at her. “Do you ever want to, you know, kiss me?” And immediately she turned even deeper purple and quickly adds, “If you don’t want to it’s totally fine and it doesn’t matter and I’ll be totally fine-”

Her nervous rambling is cut off by Yasha’s hands on her wrists. Jester lets Yasha slowly pull her hands away from her face nervously. She finds Yasha looking at her with an amused smile, “You want to kiss me?” Jester nods. 

Yasha leans forward, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear and kisses her softly. Her lips are chapped, but Jester doesn’t mind. It’s everything she’s wanted, it’s warm and soft and Yasha smells like lavender soap. Yasha’s hands are on her cheeks, her hands so warm as she caresses her cheek softly. 

When they pull apart, Jester can’t help but grin, her tail flicking back and forth in delight.

Yasha smiles shyly, “Beau’s been telling me to do that since I told her I had feelings for you.”

Jester laughs through a gasp, “Why did you wait then?”

“Because I know this is your first real relationship and I wanted to be, I don’t know, careful.” 

“I was waiting because I didn’t want to rush you,” Jester tells her. The two of them laugh until Jester says, “I have feelings for you too in case that wasn’t clear.” 

“Oh that was very clear,” Yasha smiles as she kisses Jester again.

[stardustedknuckles]

There was a post going around a while ago after the C2 ended on how Beau was the only one not killed (if you count Yasha's dream death as a death death) but probably the one who was down and dying the most and how the rest of the Nein came together to bring her back.

How often do you think Beau was told of how much they did to save her? Like the Remorhaz where Fjord stopped it from leaving with the lash? She was unconscious for most if it, did she even know?

Lmao I was one of the ones leaning hard on that. And I don't think any of the Nein said shit unless it was Veth just to harass her once or twice. Like they're not about bringing up what they've done for one another and if Beau ever said something stupid like "at least I'm the only one who made it out of that year alive" she would IMMEDIATELY get ass blasted with exactly what you just said and rightfully so. Nobody got anywhere without each other. Though I do still think everyone pokes at Veth for literally killing caduceus. Caduceus never says a word about it except for one time and the one time he says anything about it is the most perfectly placed opportunity he could have or will ever have and it absolutely destroys everyone while he sips his tea with a satisfied ear flick.

I don't think Beau has to know exactly what everyone went through while she was unconscious. She's got plenty of times she was conscious and they came after her (namely, every fucking time something tried to eat her, which was always).

I do think it's fun that marisha, intentionally or no, played Beau as unwilling to ask for help or touch or healing until she was beaten down, only to break that streak after reading Yasha's letter. The demon baby swallowed her, she did everything she could do for herself as usual, and then she put her hands out and trusted someone would come after her. And they did. (and right after that she asked yasha out.) And then a dragon tried to fly away with her stuck to it and they came again.

So nah, if Beau ever bragged about that it would be purely in jest and with the full understanding of the shit storm she just invited on herself. The point at which the Nein felt the need to trade in favors and things owed ended a long time before Beau realized, but she got there in the end.

[disasterhumans]

I’m really loving the contrast between the romances in c1 vs c2. There was certainly plenty of awkwardness to be had in c1, especially with Keyleth, but really the main romantic storylines were played out with a good deal of solemnity (Pike and Scanlan being something of an exception, but “awkward” is still not the best descriptor there). Thematically speaking many of the same issues are at play for the romances that are unfolding among the m9 (bearing in mind that I’m currently on ep 114), but the confusion and uncertainty is leading to a lot more external awkwardness and in-group gossiping than the quieter and more internal grappling that characterized a lot of VM’s pining. (of course, vm did speak to one another about their feelings and romantic interests to at least some extent, but they generally had more of an earnestly confessional air about them, rather than the casual ribbing and egging on among the m9, which then often leads to really honest outpourings of feeling.) I don’t really have a point here (at least not yet, maybe I will eventually), it’s just a really fun contrast to see playing out!

[tarydarrington]

It takes about half an hour for the general topic of conversation at the party to turn to his scars.

It shouldn’t be a surprise; any guests of Archmage Beck’s are bound to have at least a passing familiarity with the way a Scourger’s arms are meant to look. The maze of ink is a symbol of power, a sign of something dangerous and elite, and his ragged array of raised, pale cuts is a far cry from elegance. It’s natural that they would pick up on the difference. It’s natural that it would be gossiped over. It’s natural that Caleb feels rather like teleporting straight home and letting his future self deal with the social consequences.

To borrow an odd turn of phrase Veth had once used, two halves are at war inside of him. One is filled with an angry, headstrong pride that makes him want to shove his scars in the faces of all those who care to gawk and let them have their fill. The other wishes he had brought a coat.

It’s rare that Essek does much at these functions aside from artfully disappearing in such a way that lets him mingle with as few fellow guests as possible, but after only a few moments of stares following him, the elf appears at his side.

“May I borrow you, a moment?” he asks.

The way his eyes dart around the room reminds Caleb of an irritated cat’s tail swishing.

“As many moments as you like,” he replies, and follows Essek into an empty hallway.

The sound of the crowd is immediately muffled by the walls as they step inside, and Caleb wonders fleetingly if this is where Essek has been all night. Someday, if they ever manage to talk about whatever this is between them, maybe the two of them will attend a party without the rest of the Nein. Just for the pleasure of being able to leave early without stranding anyone, if nothing else.

Or they could stay. Caleb thinks he wouldn’t mind a party like this quite so much, if he were with Essek.

He shakes the thought as Essek finally looks him in the eye for the first time, and Caleb’s eyebrows shoot up as Essek begins to shrug his way out of his cloak.

“Herr Thelyss, we are in public,” he deadpans, and grins at the way Essek’s face - not quite his own, here, of course - flushes.

“What is the Empire saying? Don’t bite the hand that feeds you?” He takes the cloak in both hands, holding it out between them at its full length and width, turning a critical eye on Caleb. He seems satisfied with his findings, folding it neatly over one arm before clearing his throat. “If you like,” he says in a softer tone, “you may borrow this.”

He might have been less surprised if it were a striptease. Essek is fond of his layers. They’re elegant, they present an image of inscrutability, and - most importantly to Essek, he has learned - they obscure his body. It gives him privacy, this kind of which he values greatly. To be offered something like this is quite a gift, indeed.

Essek seems, as usual, to know what he’s thinking. “It is rather warm, tonight. I dressed accordingly.”

Caleb gives him a once-over for precisely the length of time that could not possibly be considered staring. He’s not lying. The fine, light clothing beneath his cloak is amorphous enough to preserve his modesty.

Caleb thinks of the way their stares follow him. He thinks of all the pain he went through to get these scars, and all the good he’s done to ensure they are never inflicted on anyone else. He is not ashamed of these scars. Essek will understand, if he turns the offer down. He always understands.

Then, he thinks of the faces they’ll make if he returns to the room wearing Essek’s cloak.

The rest of the night passes about as he expects, with three important observations made. Firstly, Essek’s cloak is still warm and smells very much like Essek. Secondly, the well-tailored, black tunic he had been wearing underneath follows the lines of his body loosely enough to obscure most details, but just closely enough to draw his imagination to fill in the blanks. Thirdly, despite the smattering of murmurs and stares that still turn in his direction from time to time, the sum of the previous two facts makes this evening entirely enjoyable.

He suspects, from the way Essek steals a few more glances than necessary, that it might be a positive experience for them both.

-

The number of times the Mighty Nein find themselves in combat before the end of a fancy party truly ought not to be as high as it is.

Then again, Essek remembers the circumstances of their first meeting. It may be absurd, but it isn't surprising.

What is surprising - or rather, what would have been surprising, had one informed him of it several years ago - is the way he doesn't think twice before placing himself between a nearly-downed Veth and the blow intended to finish her. The blade cuts him from shoulder to chest, catching him at the wrist on the follow-through and leaving a stinging cut in its wake.

Caduceus sees to the wound with his usual easy precision, but the magic doesn't work the same way on his clothing. He picks dejectedly at the tattered remains of his neckline, the end of his sleeve hanging ragged to match. This had been a nice cloak. That, and the Ruby’s festivities inside, blissfully unaware of the commotion in the gardens, are still due to continue for another few hours.

Just as he's considering how bad a faux pas it would be to call it a night, Caleb ducks down into his line of sight, squatting beside him where he rests against the low stone wall.

"You know, I think perhaps you are a little breakable to be trying for Yasha’s role,” he says with a bemused smile. Before Essek has a chance to respond, he adds, “That was very brave of you. I will thank you on Veth’s behalf, since I think she has, ah, moved on from the moment.”

Moved on from the moment seems, in this case, to mean that she has been offering for the last several minutes to bandage Bluud’s barely-scratched biceps. Essek waves a hand.

“It’s perfectly alright,” he says. “Though I must admit, I will mourn the clothing.”

Caleb gives him a sympathetic grimace, and Essek tries not to fidget as he watches those blue eyes assess the damage and catch on the strips of rarely exposed skin. He makes a little clicking sound with his tongue as he takes it in that is much more attractive than it ought to be.

“Would you like to…” Caleb’s brow furrows in thought, and to finish the question, he takes the end of his scarf in one hand and dangles it between them. “If you like?”

Essek wipes the look of wide-eyed, touched surprise from his face as fast as he can, but he’s sure from the way a small smile tugs at Caleb’s lips that it hasn’t gone unnoticed. His gaze drops down to his ruined neckline. The damage is high enough that it’s possible the scarf could cover it, if properly arranged.

“That would…” He takes a breath. “I would be… grateful.”

With an encouraging smile, Caleb ducks out from the middle of the scarf and pools it in his arms, offering it to Essek. When he takes it, the warmth and weight of the fabric reminds him of Caleb’s cats. He tries to keep his breathing steady as he turns it in his hands - and realizes only when he attempts to duck through the center that he has no idea how to properly wrap something like this.

He’s slighter than Caleb, so the loops that circle Caleb perfectly slip awkwardly off his shoulders; besides that, the elegant coil has been tangled in the handing off. He tries to wind it around his own neck from the beginning, but finds it frustratingly difficult to get it to sit the way he’d like it to, and is entirely uncertain of what to do with the ends.

“I… am afraid I am rather at a loss,” Essek admits begrudgingly.

Caleb cocks his head to one side in curious surprise, but instead of questioning, he holds out his hands. “Would you allow me?”

He takes the scarf back when Essek nods mutely in response, and suddenly he is very, very close. Caleb gives him a reassuring smile, as though he knows - and of course he knows, he always knows - that he needs a moment to adjust to the proximity. The care in those eyes almost knocks Essek’s gaze away, but instead holds it locked in place.

“Is, ah…” Caleb begins, and his voice sounds thicker than before, “is this alright?”

Essek hopes the somewhat dazed half-nod he manages gets the point across.

He’s had Caleb’s arms around him before, but for some reason the feeling of them bracketing his neck as Caleb drapes the scarf around and around him is so achingly intimate that it stops his breath. 

His gaze breaks from Caleb’s for just long enough to notice the v of bare skin now visible at the neck of his shirt, and he snaps his attention back to Caleb’s eyes as his face burns. Caleb’s smile quirks upwards on one side at the sight. He gives the scarf a few gentle tugs to place it just right.

As his hand draws away, he lets it rest cupped against Essek’s cheek for just a moment. The night is cold, but the space between them feels warmer than a fireside. The fireside, as well, would have fewer sparks.

Caleb clears his throat as he pulls away and stands, and the spell is broken as both of them turn to studiously examine their surroundings. Essek shifts the weight of the scarf experimentally. Sometimes, one of Caleb’s cats will climb the man and wind itself around his neck in a thoroughly endearing display of affection. Caleb has always thought of it as the highest compliment, to be chosen in such a way, and Essek imagines it must feel something like this. And never, not even covered in four layers and his old mantle, has he ever felt so protected from the outside world.

“Thank you,” he manages after a moment.

“Ja, of course.” It’s a minor relief that Caleb sounds about as breathless as Essek feels.

As he stands, letting his levitation spell carry him gently off his feet, the hem of his sleeve catches his eye. Caleb’s gaze falls that way, too, then flicks back up to his with a mischievous glint in his eye.

“Well,” he says, and holds out his arm, “that is a shame.”

Essek looks from Caleb’s face to his arm and back, heat creeping up his neck. Caleb knows him well enough to understand this is no small request. He knows Caleb well enough, in return, to understand that he will take no offense if he refuses.

Carefully, holding his breath, Essek tucks his hand under Caleb’s arm. The billowing cloth of his sleeve falls down to cover the ragged end of Essek’s, and Essek finds himself wondering for a moment if the loose style was intended to mimic his own.

The smile on Caleb’s face is so fond that Essek can’t help but return it.

“Well,” Caleb says, leaning in conspiratorially, “shall we?”

They’re not the last of the Mighty Nein to return to the party - Essek suspects Beauregard and Yasha have found their own pursuits in the garden, judging by the looks they had been exchanging after the battle - but they’re not the first, either. Jester and Fjord have found the Ruby and joined her in polite conversation. Caleb steers him dutifully in the other direction; they both know well what will happen if Jester sees them like this, and perhaps Caleb is as loath to break the moment as he is. They make the rounds together, and Essek thinks that they must look for all the world like a real couple. The thought brings a strange lightness to his chest, and he finds himself absently curling his hand around Caleb’s arm where it rests.

“My nefarious plot has gone off without a hitch,” Caleb murmurs with a grin. “Now, you are stuck with me for the rest of the evening.”

Essek doesn’t bother holding back the smirk. With a covert flick of magic in his free hand, he draws away from Caleb’s arm to politely retrieve a glass from the tray of a passing waiter. Caleb watches him with incredulous surprise, eyes trained on the end of his sleeve - perfectly intact through a Seeming spell.

“I think I can manage without, if I must,” Essek says mildly.

He passes the drink to his off hand as Caleb flushes a bit.

“Well,” Caleb says sheepishly, “that is one way to do it.”

Essek raises his eyebrows at him teasingly, and before he can talk himself out of it, slips his hand back into the crook of Caleb’s arm.

To his credit, Caleb doesn’t tease. The surprised little smile he gives Essek instead gives him more warmth than the scarf does, and Essek lets himself smile back as Caleb’s hand comes up to rest over his. Not enough to hold him in place, just enough for a little more contact.

“You know, you could have done that before,” Caleb murmurs. “At Astrid’s party, when you lent me your cloak.”

Essek takes a sip of his drink to hide the blush. “I realize,” he replies. He could admit that the way those people had treated Caleb lit his anger in a way few things have since he left court. He could admit that he knows, from experience, that it’s more of a comfort to have something real between you and the rest of the world. He could admit that giving his own cloak as such a barrier for Caleb had felt like a more personal kind of protection.

He could even point out that Caleb could have used the spell himself, if he had wanted to; but he finds he likes the quiet implication given by the fact that he took Essek's cloak instead.

"It suited you,” is what he settles on.

Caleb gives him a hum of acknowledgement in response. “Ja, well,” he adds with a soft, knowing smile, “the scarf suits you.”

Of course, Caleb always understands. And as they move about the party for the rest of the night, arm in arm, Essek thinks that he doesn’t mind parties quite so much with Caleb by his side.

[dent-de-leon]

Thinking about Molly's impulsive and protective nature, how he'll throw his own life on the line without a second thought, spilling his own blood to safeguard his loved ones. He's daring, takes desperate risks, pushes himself to the limit.

And we've already seen how detrimental a personality like that is when wielding the double-edged sword of hemocraft, how the two are such a deadly combination. Given that Matt says King eventually regains his memories through nightmares and dreams, remembers sacrificing himself at the very end and only thinking, "It was worth it. It was worth it"...I don't see him ever changing.

He risked everything in that fight with Lorenzo, believing it was worth it so long as the others could escape. He literally tears himself apart in the battle with Lucien, chooses to sacrifice himself all over again. That's just the kind of person he is.

Taliesin has said before that Molly's blood magic "was about sacrifice. It’s the giving of himself to give to others. Giving of himself to be a protector...His power looks one way--it looks damaging and looks broken and unhealthy--but, in the end, it’s all about a desire to be a good friend and a good family member."

Now he's 10 levels lower than the rest of the Nein, he feels so young and new and inexperienced again, just starting to explore this second life. And even though he now has by far the lowest HP, the least amount of familiarity with combat--I don't think he'll be any less protective or reckless.

I want the Nein to sit him down and talk to him the fist time he pushes himself to the brink of consciousness with a near fatal blood maledict. I want someone to tell King/Molly that his own life is worth it too, that he deserves to live this new life to the fullest.

I think about the letter Calianna wrote to Mollymauk that he never got to read. How she wrote about his hemocraft that, "That must hurt so much, and you have friends who have magic, so you don't need to hurt yourself."

In the battle with Lucien, Jester calls out, "Molly, I've never forgiven myself for not being there--when you died. I wish I could have saved you. I wish I could've done something." Beau steps up during Molly's ritual and says, "We couldn't save you the first time. We weren't strong enough, and that's not true any longer."

Yasha crying and confessing, "I don't really know what to say or how you're supposed to do this, but all I want is for you to be here right now. And be whole." Caleb stumbling over to Molly's body and pleading, "Why did we come this far, if not for this?...why did we go so far, and fight so hard?"

I want King to let others take care of him too, to realize that the rest of the Nein want to protect him just as badly, that no battle will ever feel like a victory if it comes at the cost of losing him again.

[omniscientwreck]

Let me combine both of your favorite things! I would love a little thing about Caduceus (in his infinite wisdom and questionable intelligence) trying to give either Essek or Caleb relationship advice that may or may not be actually helpful. Those two wizards are probably too much in their own heads to see what's right in front of them and could use a little nudge. Just imagine both of them going to Caduceus for advice on how they're attracted to the other and Caduceus just sitting there trying to fight to urge to facepalm.

Hello! Thank you for combining my two favourite things into this fic that took way too long but I'm quite pleased with! I hope you enjoy!

In which Caduceus has three conversations with two wizards fighting against a force bigger than either of them.

----------

The first of these conversations Caduceus had was expected. Gardening alongside Essek, teaching him how to sow beauty where destruction had laid waste had been therapeutic for both of them. Caduceus had never given up on the war criminal. It’s difficult to feel no sympathy for someone whose story was written across their face in blank but pleasant stares and a mask of platitudes.

The state he’d been in when they met him at the outpost had filled Caduceus with determination. He’d been as close to a wreck as they’d ever seen him and now kneeling alongside him and looking over to see a small self-satisfied smile as he observed the work they’d done, it feels like they’ve done something right. This second chance had been well earned and he has faith that Essek will continue to earn it for the rest of his days.

This Essek is determined to right wrongs, and he’s started with the garden. He pays careful attention to the plants, always asking if he’s unsure about the compatibility of certain species, and making sure to put them exactly where they tell him. When they work past the point when the sun disappears behind emerald leaves he takes off the gloves Jester had made him and digs his hands into the ground. It seems to bring him peace, it’s good that he’s found any.

Most of the time when they work it’s silent, creases pressed into Essek’s forehead. He sweats through the layers that serve to keep him safe from the heat overhead and always has to be cajoled into taking breaks or drinking water. It reminds him a bit of Yasha.

On the third day, when he’d nearly gone faint Caduceus has to intervene, “You don’t need to hurt yourself to repent you know.”

Essek takes great care to swallow and not choke on the water he’d been sipping, bad timing. The mask comes up again, “I don’t know what you mean.” he states flatly. He knows that Caduceus is smarter than that and it shows.

“Hurting yourself doesn’t change anything. It’s the creation of beauty here that tips your scales, not the destruction of yourself.”

He nods slowly, indigo eyes downcast. “I suppose you’re correct. I have much to atone for Caduceus. There is much work to be done before I will deserve any of the kindness you foist upon me.”

“Hey now, I decide who deserves my kindness. We all do.”

Essek nods again, running a dirt stained hand through his silver hair. It leaves streaks of dirt, Caduceus says nothing.

“It’s difficult to be made aware of your stark moral failings, to learn what it means to truly care for someone again. It’s difficult to care more than you expect and to know what is enough, if anything is.”

His eyes flick behind Caduceus, where he can hear Caleb explaining something to Luc and he understands more than Essek probably wants him to. “You’ll find enough.” Essek looks at him, eyes full of a delicate hope, easily shattered, “He’ll tell you when it’s enough.”

His eyes widen just slightly and a deep blush spreads across his face alongside a smile so small it’s like he doesn’t want to let himself accept the barrage of feelings it holds back. “If.” His voice is small but the weight is heavy in the tone.

Caduceus reaches a hand to cover one of his, “When. Remember, I see things the rest of you don’t.”

Essek smiles wryly at that, voice full of mirth, “Of course Mr. Clay the ever observing.”

They go in for dinner and Essek speaks up a little more, he’s a little more alive. The change is small, but Caduceus notices.

----------

The second conversation is less expected, completely unexpected if he’s being honest. Caleb arrives at the doorstep of the grove one evening around 8 months after they’d last seen each other. “Hallo friend, I hope I am not intruding.”

His smile is easier now, though still restrained by sadness. “Not at all Mr. Caleb you are always welcome here. There should be left overs from dinner, fix yourself a plate.”

Caleb allows himself to be ushered in and fussed over. He tells a few stories of the trial but Caduceus tries to steer away from that particular vein of conversation. It’s raw and it doesn’t look like he’s fully healed. There’s still one catch somewhere that he needs to loose himself from before the smile will be easy and free, before he can walk away from his past and toward the future.

“I am going to Aeor next.”

Ah.

When Caduceus doesn’t say anything he continues, voice laced with trepidation, “I am going to ask Essek to join me.” he wants Caduceus to convince him of something.

“Well, two wizards is better than one.” He eyes Caleb knowingly and the wizard squirms a bit under his gaze.

“It is just, a little strange isn’t it? The directions we are led in.” He trails off again, maybe he’s hoping for wisdom. Caduceus decides he can probably dispense something.

“You’ve never seemed like someone who wanted much to be herded into decisions to me.”

“It’s been a journey.”

Caduceus clears his dish and sets down a teapot, “It’s a journey you’re still on. One that might not have a definite end. Is it worth it to deny yourself happiness because you’re worried about whether you deserve it?”

That caught him a little off guard, copper hair shook a bit as he’d clearly gone a little further than Caleb was expecting. He likes to talk in metaphors so that he can hide from truths later, or at least pretend everything can have multiple meanings. It’s time for Caduceus to stop letting him twist words around in that expansive brain of his until the original meaning is obscured by hypotheticals.

“I cannot tell you what’s right Caleb, but if you came here for a reasonable perspective listen to the one I’m giving you.” He pours the tea and offers honey, “You will never know if you don’t go and I know you better than you think. You don’t like loose ends, not as long as there’s something to learn.”

He nods, staring into tea, they’re so similar and so stubborn that Caduceus can feel the loving annoyance usually directed at his siblings creeping in. “Caleb, stop punishing yourself for something that wasn’t your fault in the first place.” Caleb nearly interrupts but Caduceus keeps barrelling through, “Self-flagellation won’t get you anywhere, you’ll just end up with regrets and what ifs. Go explore Aeor, forget everything else for a bit. Do that thing the two of you do where you’re finishing each other’s sentences and nobody knows why you’re bothering to speak out loud because it’s obvious you’re thinking the same things.”

Caleb’s smile is smaller now, but lighter. “Ja mein Freunde, I think you will. Thank you for tolerating questions I don’t know how to ask out loud.”

Caduceus smiles back, “I think this will be good. If you need anything while you’re there don’t hesitate to reach out. Stock up on healing, you’ll need it.”

Caleb laughs at that and spends the night, before heading to Zadash the next morning, undoubtedly to clear out Pumat’s stock of healing potions.

----------

The third time this conversation is had it’s his fault. He doesn’t mean to start it, but honestly the situation is getting ridiculous and the sibling feelings Caduceus has to both the wizards are firmly cemented.

They decide to get everyone together maybe a year after the last conversation. It’s his first time seeing any of them since then and as soon as they’re all in the same room it’s like no time has passed at all. Essek had come to get him while Caleb gathered the rest at Beau and Yasha’s home in Rexxentrum. Jester wraps him in a crushing and loving hug, Beau gives him a punch that’s soft for her but still stings, Yasha offers clippings of flowers immediately, and Fjord’s hug is warm. Veth’s family is here and she looks happier than he’s ever seen her. Caleb greets him with the warmth that’s always burned behind eyes that hold less and less sorrow every time he sees him. He hopes they’ll drop it all together one day.

When they pop back into existence from the way Caleb and Essek look at each other Caduceus expects something to happen. He doesn’t know what exactly but they hold each other’s eyes in a profound way. There’s gravity to them and everyone can feel it, he’s getting tired of watching them fight it.

It seems so simple even though he doesn’t feel that kind of pull, to see where this is going. It’s feels like the days before a big storm, when everyone knows what’s coming and it’s getting a little ridiculous that you’re still waiting for lightning to strike.

Everyone else drinks, they cook and eat and tell stories. Caleb and Essek sit apart but spend the entire time stealing glances across the table when they don’t think the other is looking. Nearly always they catch each other.

Yasha plays on the bone harp, she’s gotten very good and Jester swings Veth around into a dance. Kingsley, three sheets to the wind, grabs Beau and whips her into a reluctant dance and her initial protests eventually bubble into laughter. Caleb sits beside Caduceus and Jester has switched to twirling a flustered Essek across the floor of the livingroom. It often turns to dancing with these people and he loves that they love it so much.

“As I recall you’re an excellent dancer Mr. Caleb, go cut in.”

He shakes his head, “Ah- I couldn’t. Yasha is playing and I don’t think you’re much of a dancer.” He looks over with a quirk of a brow.

“I’m sure Jester won’t mind a break.”

He coughs at that, “I ah-”

Caduceus shakes his head, “No, talking is done, this is getting ridiculous.” He puts a hand square on his back and guides Caleb to stand, “You two will weave circles of metaphor around each other until one of you drops. Go Caleb, follow gravity.”

He seems to understand, seems to accept Cadcueus’ words and as soon as he stands to full height, Essek is watching over Jester’s shoulder. She, thankfully, understands the same way Caduceus does and even sends a wink as she loudly proclaims, “Oh my gosh Essek I’m so tired, I think Caleb needs someone to dance with, go to him.” She extends her arm, releasing him, and his levitation doesn’t allow him to stumble at the abrupt change in momentum.

Essek and Caleb meet and Essek steps to the ground gracefully as Caleb holds his hand out and pulls him in.

Nobody says anything for fear of spooking the delicate peace that settles over both of them as they gently turn, but Yasha slows the music she’s playing a bit and a quiet celebration is shared in the eyes of the rest of the Nein.

Caduceus breathes a sigh of relief and Jester sits herself beside him, bringing an overly sweet juice she’d found on her travels for him to try. She tells him stories into the night, and the wizards never let each other’s hands go.

[eponymous-rose]

Talks Machina Highlights - Critical Role C2E114-115 (Nov. 10, 2020)

My wi-fi’s gone distinctly shaky, so it must be that time again! I don’t think I’ve ever watched the pet montage with sound on, and the sheer majesty of Henry snoozing on a Nicolas Cage pillow is somehow ever better with a swelling orchestral score.

This episode’s guests are Liam O’Brien and Taliesin Jaffe!

Brian: “How’s everyone feeling?” Taliesin: “...god.”

There’s a brief discussion about sports. Liam and Taliesin agree that they like the cowboys. Not the Cowboys the sports team, just cowboys.

Taliesin, on episodes featuring him and Liam: “We have a dark sad energy that I think works well together.”

Brian leaps out of his chair. “My pants kind of match the wall!”

Also Brian: “You guys fuck with Barney?”

Okay, okay, okay. First question of the night at 7:09 PM. What was it like to find Vess dead? Liam had a lot of avenues of conversation he was planning with her and was disappointed to lose access to those. Taliesin notes that it’s ten days before they can talk to her again.

Another contemplative digression. Liam: “Google ‘fartiste’.” Lots of talk of sphincters.

Brian asks what it was like to see Molly committing such heinous acts. Taliesin: “I have a nice wall built because I understand the mechanism by which Molly is Molly, and knowing the mechanism, I understand what Matt’s doing. It’s only Molly so far. I always knew that whatever was going on in the background was sinister and a little bit iffy. And, you know, Molly was never actually against a little skullduggery. He’s not a moral person, just, you know. Situationally kind.” Taliesin genuinely isn’t sure how much Lucien knows about Molly’s life, but he looks forward to someday being able to talk about the initial conversation he and Matt had about Molly at a Starbucks by a tattoo parlor.

Brian wonders whether Vess’s death has made Caleb start thinking about how other Assembly members may not be all that untouchable after all. “It’s totally surreal and absurd to him. I still think of them as powerful, though. Story-wise, Caleb thinks of them as dangerous as fuck. All of them.” Getting to know Vess might have helped him figure out what to do next about Trent - now there’s even more uncertainty there.

On potentially having to explain Vess’s disappearance: “Clay’s just gonna peace out. By the time this becomes a problem, he feels this is not his problem. If there’s a good path to everyone working out, sure, but boy it don’t look like it right now.” Caleb’s “just in con-artist mode at the moment.” They’re both more focused on what’s going on at the moment.

“I will actually say, it wasn’t until halfway through that even I noticed [that Clay was being flirted with]. I really appreciate it, just because very, very early on, from the beginning, I was very much like, I’m just going to play him ace. He’s got no interest in this shit. All that energy gets directed into other places. I was like, it’s a shame that it will never come up organically.” He was pleased to have an excuse to bring it up in-game. He does note that because of the costumes “it was like being flirted with by Ganondorf.”

As soon as Laura was actively interested in reading Der Katzenprinz, Liam knew he wanted to put the whole book together. Taliesin: “I can barely take a walk every day. Who the fuck are you?” 

Cosplay of the Week: a fiery Caleb! (lilac.cos on Instagram, photo by fourphotoscosplay on Instagram)

Everyone’s a fan of Dagen Underthorn. Liam: “I love him because of how salt-of-the-earth he is. We’re a bunch of weirdoes.” Taliesin figures he’ll wait for the M9 outside the cave, but “three days, tops.”

“Clay’s seen a lot of things go down when people are mourning. This is a new one, so he’s definitely not sure what to do, and hasn’t really had an opportunity to be like: a little trepidation would be advised, because this could go really poorly, and you’re all a little weird about this. He’s assuming that Molly was another nice guy like the rest of these nice people, but after the Traveler he’s a little more wary of trusting his friends’ judgement on the character of others. It’s a lot like hearing about somebody’s ex and they’re like, oh, they’re coming to visit.”

Why was it so hard for Caleb to walk away from the necromantic emerald? “The first answer is that, Caleb, who is humble in many ways, is also cocky. I’m the best at it, I’m really good. One thread in Caleb’s personality is his hubris. The other answer to it is that Liam thought it was hilarious.” 

Taliesin: “I could’ve possibly stayed a little longer.” Brian: “How much longer?” Taliesin: “Until we had to resurrect someone.”

Brian asks what it was like to have a battle de-escalate to the point of “dinner and friendship”. Taliesin: “It’s been a hard year and I was tired. I don’t want to hurt anything for a while, I just want to have cocoa on graph paper.” Caleb invited the yetis in because “one, that’s amazing. But also they said they would escort us and be our bodyguards for a little bit.” He thought he could entice them to stick around longer, having plied them with cats and pastries.

On Caduceus getting to be a mammoth: “The same way that Caleb is a creature of hubris, Clay is a creature of self-control, and is really invested in his ability to maintain himself and to not get lost in the situation; even in a heightened situation, he’s still very much himself. This was uncomfortable. Eventually, with some hindsight, he’ll enjoy the notion, but at the moment, it’s definitely a lot of, that did not feel okay.”

Fan Art of the Week: the kitties in the kitchen! (kristen_felan on Instagram)

Why was it important to Caleb that Veth stop touting him as a leader? “It’s never really bothered him intensely, but it’s been a thing for a very long time. It wasn’t worth making a thing about it, but it was never true for him. He just doesn’t feel like a leader, he never did. He went from being an A-hole to one of the knights of the round table.”

Who does Clay think needs the most guidance? “Yasha. He’s feeling at least reasonable about everybody. He feels like Jester doesn’t quite have her shit together, but she’s fine, and Fjord’s doing just great. Everyone seems to be coming together. Yasha had a breakthrough but hasn’t really processed yet, so it’s a lot of, like, hey guy, so. You know. Now that we’re feeling more healthy, maybe it’s time to make some healthy decisions?” Liam suspects some of the characters will continue evolving even after the campaign is done. Taliesin: “Life doesn’t have an act structure.”

Taliesin: “I’m looking forward to playing the Tomb Takers after they TPK us.” Liam: “Dibs on Cree.”

[pomp-and-circumstance]

Episode 112.

Be still my heart. (AKA shit got real but first we’re going to talk about feelings.)

Jester checks in with Yasha about the death of Mollymauk and the revival of his body, which, in true Jester fashion, turns into her asking Yasha about Beau and her feelings. This was really interesting for me to watch because Jester witnessed Yasha tell everyone in the previous episode that the mirror “would be useful,” but once she insinuates they share a bed, without any kind of sexual vibe, Yasha turns into a flustered, stammering mess. Who better to gently lead Yasha through this than Jester herself, who immediately gets that there’s something deeper going on here than an interest in a one night thing. Her teasing playfulness turns into a beautiful kindness, and she gets to see, for the first time, the woman who fell in love once a long time ago.

There’s a lot of this that feels key for me here, and I haven’t had a lot of coffee this morning, but Imma try and get my thoughts in order anyway. 

Only two people in the Nein know the deep heartache Yasha suffers from losing Zuala: Caduceus and Jester. Jester watched the painful guilt slowly reveal itself from “you’re chosen a mate, but I fell in love with someone else” to “I don’t know where she’s buried, but I have so many flowers to bring her.” She’s watched Yasha suffer over and over again, but here she bears witness to something truly unique - Yasha overwhelmed with the butterflies in the stomach one gets when they really care. On top of all that, Yasha doesn’t know what to do, because of course she doesn’t know what to do. The only other relationship she had in her life had to be in secret. It’s kind of a wonder she’s admitting any of this to Jester in the first place, but that she’s doing so says a lot, and Jester doesn’t miss a moment of that. 

Enthusiastic Cheerleader Laura Bailey engages in some kind hearted teasing that basically oozes with it’s okay, Yasha, this is supposed to be fun energy. The two of them are suddenly teenagers at a sleepover talking about a crush and the best way to leave a note in their locker. “You don’t get nervous easily. If you’re getting flustered, that says something. Maybe I should leave.”

“No no! I don’t feel like I’m ready!”

“Okay! I’ll stay in the room!” (God bless you Jester, and your kindness.)

“... shit, I don’t know what to do!”

Watching Yasha discover that it’s okay to be vocal about these kinds of things is such an adventure. She’s so concerned with overstepping a boundary with Beau, but is too nervous to take a chance and see what that boundary even is, or if it even exists. (”I feel like I shouldn’t know this because it’s not from her, you know?... I just, she-she-she-she-she makes me so nervous.” This same woman tore the wings off Obann’s back.) Watching Jester try to hold back her excitement for her friends is like watching a hyperactive puppy run in the park for the first time. It’s such a complete disaster of a conversation that is so relatable and almost awkward to watch until Yasha opens up and becomes just that much more vulnerable.

“She makes me sweaty and, like, warm and fuzzy at the same time, and then I see her do things and them I’m just like, I want to--I want to kiss her so bad. And then that makes me feel kinda bad.”

I had to stop and think about this for a second because the first thing that came to mind was, of course, some kind of Dope Monk Shit Beau had done in the past that would make Yasha think this, but if she’s so adamant that her role is to protect, I don’t feel like she’d let something like that distract her in the heat of battle. (I may be proven wrong later, who knows, I’m mostly saying I don’t think she’d grab Beau in the middle of the BBEG fight and kiss her or anything.) What I immediately thought of after, though, was the previous episode when Beau was trying to line things out to the Nein about her theories regarding the Nine Eyes. There’s a moment where Beau is being praised, and Yasha with a bit of awe in her voice goes, “That’s a breakthrough.” It’s so simple and so easily missed in the moment. (I believe Beau immediately turns it around on her and says she deserves credit for a point she made, which Yasha immediately deflects and says she didn’t come up with nearly the amount of theories Beau did.) I think Yasha is holding far more than awe in that moment. I think that’s a peek into a moment she wishes she could have kissed her, shown some kind of affection, something, to show how proud she is of Beau.

So, at the end, when she says “that makes me feel kinda bad,” I don’t think she’s talking about a leftover something with Zuala - though maybe she is, and that’s valid, she’s always going to love Zuala and moving on with grief is painful and hard, even if you’ve told yourself it’s okay to - I think she genuinely doesn’t know what to do, and open affection with someone isn’t something she’s used to doing, but on top of that, I also wonder if it means she doesn’t want to be quiet with Beau, in the sense that she doesn’t want to hide how she feels. She doesn’t want another romance with secrecy, she wants to be able to love loudly, and she might have permission, so to speak, to do that, but that doesn’t mean she knows what to do with it.

Going back to Laura for a second - watching her in this conversation is so interesting because I think she caught Ashley totally unprepared for a conversation like this, which is why parts of it are so awkward and why they’re giggling throughout a portion of it. (I don’t think she did it maliciously, I think she’s being Jester and Jester would be this forthright and Ashley was just like “well shit, here we go!”) Jester is trying to be a wingman in the way only Jester can be, and when it’s clear Yasha’s anxiety comes from nerves, she drops this beautiful nugget that’s got a lot of Jester but a lot of Laura, too:

“Yasha, you can’t feel guilty for how you feel. If she makes you feel happy, that’s a wonderful thing. That’s so rare.”

Laura’s face gets me every time. She’s digging into a deep place here, and she’s doing it gently. Someone made you happy once before, Yasha. You know what this feels like. You have a chance to have it again.

“It is so rare.”

And with three sentences, the entire dynamic of the conversation changes.

Yasha suddenly takes charge of this thing and starts making suggestions to Jester, telling her she feels like she’s been given a lot of confidence, “maybe stay in the room so it doesn’t seem obvious, I’ll sleep on the floor tonight and I’ll figure it out.” Sure doesn’t sound like someone who doesn’t know what to do to me. (I mean, it does, but you know what I'm saying.) Then, after being so nervous about knowing something she felt like she should have heard from Beau, Jester assures her “that’s not the vibe I got” and she runs with it. “It’s not? Ok ok.” She’s suddenly got some confidence in this tangle of nerves, but at least she’s going to make an attempt to do something about it.

(Marisha has a face here that kills me, btw, after Jester says Yasha should talk to Beau, and Yasha says yeah, it’s best to talk to the source:

“The source is waiting, babe, I got time.”)

Speaking of Marisha, her facial journey during this poem workshop is an experience best had on your own time. Screenshots can’t do it justice. I’m going to take one image and make it my phone’s background without any context, ‘cause “eyes so blue and hair so shorn on the sides” makes her lose her shit.

(Bonus Taliesin, who can’t even.)

What I didn’t realize, though, is how quickly Beau comes back into the room after this talk between Beau and Jester, which means Ashley has only moments to really push Yasha Nydoorin of Seven Charisma, and like the badass she is, she’s got it totally under control from the first flustered “Hello!”

Because understanding your feelings and coming to terms with them about someone else is one thing. Excecution, however... is something else entirely. And while playing a suave personality that can charm the socks off anyone is fun, going to that place where you stammer and talk too much and nothing makes sense is so much more endearing. It makes the little moments where you get things “right,” so to speak, so much more. And so much more to launch off of, as Yasha immediately caves back into that place when she realizes she reached out and touched the glitter on Beau’s face, oh shit, I don’t know what to do, umm, I’m tired I guess.

(Bonus Laura, who is so proud of Yasha for being bold and basically needs a Beauyasha membership card that reads 0001/2 at this point.)

But keep in mind, this flustered nonsense isn’t just from Yasha, it’s also from Beau, who, while a little tipsy, has zero liquid courage in this moment and is just as much a stammering mess as Yasha herself is. Even more noteable is when Yasha makes a joke about “schnuggling”... Beau is almost ready to take Yasha up on that offer. “I mean, I--” is Marisha’s exact quote before Yasha backpedals and says she’s kidding. (Yet another tiny example of Marisha letting Ashley take the lead, whether it was intentional or not.) Confident Beau who oozed with sexual prowess becoming an actual disaster under the flirtatious radar of Yasha is my favorite thing in the world. That was probably the longest space of time between waking and sleeping for either of them, and Jester got to bare witness to all of their growth in its beautiful, awkward, “oh god, just schnuggle already” glory.

Taliesin is the real MVP here, who said what I’ve been thinking every time I’ve watched highlights of this part, but didn’t know it actually happened until now, “I assume they all take a point of exhaustion because none of them sleep. Just lie there.”

Even Travis, Honorary Beauyasha Membership Card holder number 0001/2, is in on it.

I adore everything about this scene. We all need a little dash of disaster lesbians in our lives. It’s gonna be okay, you two. I promise.

[chockfullofsecrets]

"If I'm not careful I'm gonna end up writing content for a character who literally never appears in 141 episodes"

I mean, you are more than welcome to. In fact, we will gratefully encourage this.

you encourage chock? you encourage chock like the author? oh! oh! tk fic for anon! tk fic for anon for Two Thousand Words!

(also, heads up that i am moving next week! have been working on Importance of Timing when i can, but the first chapter probably won't be here for another two weeks at least.)

---

Verin Thelyss, Essek knows, is a seasoned battle commander and strategist.

He’s also in possession of the instinct to tackle people when he’s excited, so Essek is well aware that it’s only those decades of training and experience that have his little brother pausing for the briefest instant as Caleb and Jester teleport him into the hold of the Nein Heroez before he launches himself at Essek in a dead run.

Veth and Caduceus are at their respective homes, Kingsley watching over the ship, but he is far from alone - Yasha and Fjord each have a supportive hand on his shoulder, a silent assurance from the tense minutes waiting for their friends to return from Bazzoxan. They swear in unison and scramble for their weapons as Verin screeches to a halt just shy of shunting Essek straight though the hull and yanks him into a rib-crushing hug.

He burrows into the junction of Essek’s neck and shoulder, made possible only by virtue of the activated floating spell that puts the coiffed swoop of his hair a full inch above Verin’s. “Thank the fucking Light, you’re not actually dead.”

“What the fuck, he’s like a swearing puppy,” Beau hisses. There’s a soft thwap as Fjord gently smacks her across the back of the head.

Essek is feeling out the edges of friendly intimacy, still, stumbling through every brush of fingers and shared look of exasperation, but even he does not need Jester’s frantic gesturing to prompt him to lift his arms and awkwardly wrap them around Verin’s shoulders.

It’s like wrapping a single thread of silk around one of Yasha’s biceps. Clearly he is not built for comforting.

Verin stiffens with a single sharp twitch of his ear against Essek’s collarbone . Essek’s thoughts flail wildly between an expectation of tears or a dagger to his ribs, but his brother just laughs, loud and hearty, and snuggles even further into his personal space. “I see someone’s finally taught you how to hug back - you should have written and told me, this is better news than any number of pages on den politics.”

Essek bristles. “Careful, or I will stop,” he huffs, somewhat more waspishly than he intends to.

Luckily, Verin has proven immune to his moods. “Oh, please don’t,” he insists, voice still crackling with glee. He grins, warm and wide enough that Essek can feel it against the side of his neck. “It just makes doing this that much easier.”

“Doing what,” Essek says reflexively, even as the tiny portion of his brain that he allows to remember his childhood starts to blare an alarm. “Verin-”

It’s far too late to realize that Verin’s hands have somehow been maliciously positioned just along the backs of his ribs.

Jester, standing with Caleb behind Verin, perks up in clear interest as the corners of his mouth start to twitch up. On second thought, Essek thinks he’d have preferred the dagger.

“Verin,” he hisses again, fighting back the anticipatory shiver crawling up his back. “Don’t - don’t you dare-”

It’s about then that Verin’s evil, evil fingers find the edges of his mantle’s arm slits and squeeze him even closer as they stretch to wriggle under his arms.

He snatches his arms back, but it’s too late - a dismayed giggle sneaks from his throat, then another, and then he’s beating helplessly at Verin’s shoulders as he dissolves into high, squeaking laughter.

Every single nerve between his armpits and his ribs squirms in unison - a bubbly, slippery sensation even more potent for how long it’s been since he last felt it. “No,” he shrieks. “I - ahaha! eeheee! - no tickling, no tickling, Verin-”

Jester looks thrilled - she’s bouncing on her toes, babbling something to Caleb that’s inaudible over the rush of his own laughter. Light, the Nein are going to tear him apart for this-

“Yes, tickling,” Verin protests, laughing right along with him. “All the tickling! You let me think you were dead! For months! I thought I was never going to get to watch my poor brother giggle himself to pieces ever again!”

He’s not, because Essek is going to kill him. “That - nahaha, hff, ahaaa! - that was - ha - it’s been decades - stop, stop, there’s people!”

“Yeah, people,” Beau says, loud and smug and far too close behind him. “Hey - Verin, was it? - does hotboi here have a worst spot?”

Oh no. Oh no. Essek squeezes his eyes shut in a desperate attempt to focus and does the only thing he can while laughing like an idiot.

With a shaky flick of his wrist, his floating dispels. Verin yelps in surprise as gravity takes Essek straight out of his grip.

The instant his boots hit the deck, Essek twists the rest of the way out of his grip and bolts.

There’s nowhere to go, really - the Nein have a room full of Counterspells, and Verin can run faster than he can, and he’s already tumbling halfway back into laughter in giddy anticipation of being caught. Still, it’s a surprise when he stumbles into a brick wall of leather and biceps that resolves itself into Yasha as she hoists him back into the air.

“Oh, where do you think you’re going?” She sounds admirably innocent given the soft, teasing smile she gives him.

“Noooo,” Essek giggles. Heat gathers in his cheeks as he tries to make himself stop - it doesn’t make sense, he’s not even being tickled anymore, but even the potential for it flutters light and fizzy at the bottom of his lungs. “I - I’m not ticklish anymore, I’m not-”

The Nein and Verin cluster around the two of them, bubbling with various levels of amusement. “Really?” Beau drawls. “It’s cute that you think denying it has a single fucking chance of working.”

The sarcasm helps him center himself, if only a little - he buries his face in Yasha’s arm and sucks in a deep breath that doesn’t do nearly enough to get rid of his blush.

He straightens as best he can while being bear hugged by a barbarian. “I am denying nothing,” he says carefully. Jester is still bouncing next to Beau, fingertips already twitching where they’re curled sweetly on her cheeks around a mischievous beaming smile, and Essek has to look away before the nervous snickers still wobbling on the back of his tongue can worm their way free. “I am well aware that Verin is - incorrigible-”

He hisses the last word in his brother’s direction - again, harsher than he intends, but he is so unused to being soft around him - and fails to contain a shy smile as Verin sticks his tongue out in retaliation.

Jester’s tail waves its way into the edge of his peripheral vision. He jumps and looks over at Fjord instead. “-but I, ah, I would ask for more respect from the rest of you-”

“You really shouldn’t,” Fjord says, grinning boyishly back at him. “I mean, you know us.”

And then, to Fjord’s right - “Essek?”

He’s been avoiding looking at Caleb. It is foolish, perhaps, to think that after all of the incredibly stupid things he knows Essek has done he will decide to judge him for this, but he cannot help the way his shoulders stiffen as he twists a little further to meet the gaze of the last link in their semicircle. “Yes?”

Caleb looks - focused, in an offhanded way, like he’s intent on something happening just slightly out of their current reality. Stunned might be a better word for it. He blinks for a moment before focusing those keen blue eyes somewhere near Essek’s eyebrows. “Ah - did you know that when you laugh, your ears -” He puts his hands up to his own ears and flaps them a little.

Drow do not run particularly warm, but that only makes it easier for Essek to feel the heat absolutely flood back into his face. “I-” he stammers. Nearly a century of politics is nowhere near enough to help him keep a straight face. “I - ah - eeh!-”

Caleb is close enough to reach out and run a questing fingertip over Essek’s left ear - it flicks wildly, trying to dislodge the unexpected tickle, but a surprised squeak still slips out.

There’s a moment of silence before Verin starts to snicker. “Oh, I like your friends,” he says merrily, beaming. “Go on, Light knows he doesn’t let himself laugh enough otherwise.”

“Don’t,” Essek gets out hastily, but Caleb is already reaching out for another go and Yasha’s grip is firm enough that all he can do is squeak again. “Wait - hm, hnn!”

Beau sidles up to Yasha’s side and gives him a self satisfied leer as she reaches out across their little group to pluck the feather from Fjord’s tricorn. “You got him, babe?”

“I do,” Yasha confirms and lets out a little squeak of her own as Beau reaches around her, no doubt squeezing something entirely inappropriate with company present.

“Hot,” Beau smirks, and reaches to flutter the feather over Essek’s right ear. “Aw, does that tickle? Thought you said you weren’t ticklish, man.”

Essek maintains some facsimile of composure for all of two seconds before his face crumples “Nnn - hehehe - eheehe - oh!”

His lungs are surely going to burst, with the way they’re shivering out desperate giggles as he shakes his head frantically between Caleb’s fingers and the teasing feather. He can’t move his arms, so he kicks his legs instead. “Please,” he begs, nearly incomprehensible even to his own ears. “Ah - aha, heeheehee! - tickles-”

Verin leans down and scoops his ankles up with one ridiculously sculpted arm. “Essek, you’re going to put a hole in someone with those boots.”

He looks up, raising his eyebrows teasingly, and Essek’s stomach drops like he’s cast something on it. “Here, I’ll fix that.”

Essek’s eyes, narrowed with laughter, shoot wide open. He doesn’t remember Verin being this evil - but then again, his brother’s never been egged on by five other people determined to render reports of his death more realistic.

“Verin, Verin, no-” he tries, but he’s giggling so hard that he can’t even get the words out. He twists as far away from Caleb and Beau as he can, flailing frantically, but Verin’s grip holds firm.

He pouts dramatically. “What? Is it my fault that my tiny, ticklish wizard brother insists on wearing metal-tipped boots that endanger everyone?”

Essek opens his mouth to reply and promptly dissolves into another frantic peal of laughter as Beau gets bored of his ears and shoves her feather in Caleb’s direction before jabbing a finger between his trapped arm and his chest to get at his armpit. “Your - shihihit, shit, ahahaaa, not there! - your arcanist brother is going to kill you just as soon as I can- hahaha!”

Verin just laughs, unlacing one of his boots and starting to slide it off. “Is that your attempt to convince me not to tickle your feet?”

Jester, practically vibrating, emits a sound that perhaps only weasels can hear. “Oh, that’s so cute! Can I have one of them?”

“One of his feet? Sure.” Verin hands over an ankle, grinning down at Jester. “You, I think you’re my favorite.”

As Essek gasps and struggles and falls further and further into a formless mirth that makes him feel so light he can hardly bear it, there’s a different sensation at his ear. A hazy portion of his brain identifies it as the rough bristle of chin scruff and an amused huff of breath.

“You don’t really want them to stop, do you,” Caleb murmurs. “I will help you, if you do.”

It’s quite unfair, Essek feels, to try and make him explain himself while he’s strung out and dizzy with laughter. He tries anyway, for a syllable or two, but Verin digs in between two of his toes and he ends up just tipping his cheek against Caleb’s and shaking, laughing too hard to make a single sound.

“Alright, then,” Caleb says. “In that case-”

He brandishes the feather with a flourish more suited to somatic casting, swooping it down the length of Essek’s nose before directing it back to his ear.

“Tickle, tickle...”

[saphirered]

Hi welcome back! Hope you’re doing well. Random question b4 my request, bc I want to give back as thanks for the great writing: are you a coffee, tea, or hot chocolate/cocoa drinker? I prefer hot chocolate and sweet tea.

How would the m9 respond to an SO/friend with a kid? Where the reader is a single parent with a child of at most 10 years old. Thanks :)

- 🐋

This took a while to write so sorry for that 😅. I'm so glad you like my writing! I love writing for you lot. I'm definitely a hot cocoa person. I hope this one turned out to your liking 😘.

----------

Caleb:

You never hid the fact you had a child from Caleb, if anything you’re proud of them. Though, you do know in certain company it’s better to keep that fact a secret for safety reasons. Caleb understands that fully he respects and admires you always put your child’s best interests first.

This is why when you began getting more involved with Caleb you kept your child out of it and took a good amount of time before introducing them to the wizard. You didn’t want to set expectations for both sides and wanted to protect and preserve them both should what you and Caleb had going not work out after all.

It’s no surprise Caleb is good with children. He takes a gentle approach when it comes to all things good in this world to the point of almost being afraid to ‘ruin it’. You assured him many times he was in the clear and how could his heart not warm at the curiosity and search for knowledge your child was already displaying.

With your permission Caleb began teaching your child some things here and there. The theoretics of magic and eventually simple spells. The smile it brought to their faces while they worked couldn’t make you happier. Caleb definitely earned your child’s approval to stick around.

Beau:

At first Beau is surprised. She knows children come from somewhere of course. She’s not stupid but actually tying a child to their parent let alone being very close to that parent is a whole new story. Especially learning you raised your child on your own and seeing you want to provide what’s best for them definitely earns you her respect, not having a parent with the same motivation herself and all.

The day of introductions came along and as expected Beau is the most awkward, trying not to be a terrible influence and be on her best behaviour, makes her very much on edge. An perceptive child picking up on this awkward behaviour calling her out leaving her cursing like a sailor, then apologising for said curses, even less of a surprise. You had to assure her many times it was fine.

Beau makes a promise that no matter what, she’ll make sure you’ll be returning to your child and make sure they get the love and support they deserve. Growing up without loving parents is one thing. Growing up an orphan another. She’d do everything in her power to keep you safe.

It may have began with joking comments such as ‘finish your homework’ to ‘do the dishes’ and ‘be nice to your parent while I’m gone’ but it didn’t take long before Beau was helping them with their homework or cleaning dishes after you cooked.

Absolutely treats your child as someone capable of making decisions of their own and speaking for themselves. No baby voices or cooing like too many adults tend to do even to a child regardless of their age. Your child has thoughts and opinions of their own and for the love of all that is sacred, can speak for themselves. You’re glad Beau treats them with a sense of maturity.

Fjord:

Fjord may have done what can only be referred to as a spit take the moment you said you had a child. Clearly didn’t expect it but giving him time to recover and process he’d ask all sorts of questions. What are they like? What do they like? And of course the dreaded question about your partner.

Supportive Fjord for the win. After finding out you’re on your own he’d always have your back, checking in with you and making sure you’re doing alright amidst the stress of the world and raising a child in the mix of it all. He’d open up to you about his past and being raised without any kind of proper parental figure. What he wouldn’t have done to have someone like you around when it counted for him.

Introducing them went rather smoothly. Fjord is surprisingly good with children. While some might find him intimidating, he nearly melted when your child embraced him as a thank you for looking out for you. Fjord was happy to answer any and all questions your child asked.

Whenever you’d be swept away for a while having to leave your child in the care of your trusted ones, Fjord would tell your child to ‘have the wheel, sailor’ which they would return with a salute before biding you both goodbye. Fjord slowly transcended into a bit of a father role and none of you minded in the least. You were happy.

Veth:

When she spoke of her boy she left behind you pitied her. A child shouldn’t be without their family. They deserved to be loved and sheltered from the darkness of the world until they are ready. When you told her you had one of your own Veth really felt safe to confide in you with her worries and troubles. You bonded over it really, drowning out all the sad stories and struggles with fond memories of both your families. Sadly for you, that would only extend to you and your child, the memories of their other parent perhaps somewhat painful to share.

You wondered what it would be like if your children ever got to meet in person. Then the day came. Nicodranas really had a way of bringing families together didn’t it? First time may have been a bit strange, your child being fully aware of Veth’s need for a disguise with her son, played their part well. Both you and Veth may have wiped away some tears when Luc claimed your child their big sibling from now on, and you his third parent.

Work and life are a difficult combination for Veth. She wants nothing more than to be with Yeza and take care of her boy but as long as the world’s in peril and her other family needs her just as much if not more, she’ll have to leave them behind. Knowing that you and your child are with her husband and son when she can’t be eases her mind a lot and she’s forever grateful.

It goes unsaid that Veth’s time away from children and in the presence of adults, specifically the Mighty Nein may have left her a bit out of the routines of raising a child as shown by giving Luc and your child fireworks, promising them to teach them how to shoot a crossbow and more. You did have to hold her back a little with the help of Yeza and keep things a bit more contained for their safety, but mostly yours.

Jester:

Of course upon learning you’re raising your child all by yourself Jester goes onto a rant about how her and her mom were always alone and how Marion used to read stories to her and do you read stories to your child and do you sing to them and draw with them and give them hugs and cuddles after nightmares and… You have no idea how that girl doesn’t run out of breath.

Jester couldn’t be anyone but herself when meeting your child asking about their interests, do they like to draw and sing and dance and… You ran out of breath just listening to her talk and your child replying in similar fashion. Everything went quite well and the two of them got along. Jester would be singing them songs and teaching them how to draw resulting in many dick drawings randomly appearing in your books, notes and other places, followed by mischievous giggles.

Having bought your child a lovely green cloak and letting them pretend they’re the Traveler here to spread mischief and fun and leave behind many phallic shaped objects drawn and carved wherever possible sent you all in laughing fits but you swore you heard a more masculine chuckle and saw a green cloak fade into the shadows. Odd.

What only can be summed up as the combination between big sibling, fun wine cupcake aunt and mom, remained a constant in your life and you couldn’t be more thankful to have that ray of sunshine be there for all of you.

Caduceus:

Caduceus is very calm and collected about learning you have a child. Less of a response than perhaps anyone else perviously unknowing. “That’s nice.” He’d nod. You’d almost start thinking he may have been able to read it off you for some reason. He confirmed he was, the tired eyes, and the recovery of exasperation at times but sense of accomplishment and reward was a look he had seen from his own mother many times.

“You’re weird.” A stare down ensued. “You’re weird too.” Eyes sharpened. “I like you.” The ice broke and smiles followed. For a moment you were afraid that maybe your child wouldn’t like the odd firbolg and thinking about how you would keep friends and family separate but a wave of relief went over you knowing that all was well between the two most valuable people in your life.

You’d be handed a fresh cup of tea by your child, a plate of snacks by Caduceus, all too innocent smiles on their faces but all it took was a raised eyebrow from you to have them come clean about the kitchen being covered in soil from the two of them potting new plants, turning your home and garden in what can only be described as a greenhouse and rather ask for forgiveness than permission. You weren’t mad of course, but did make them clean the mess they made.

You’re still unsure whether or not it was a good or bad idea introducing your child to the extended Clay family as you got some insight in the chaotic prank wars between the siblings and all together sibling rivalry among some of them. It’s all fun and games of course but some moments you were glad you weren’t the one pelted with mud pies by Calliope or pushed into the spring by Calliope herself. Instead you could just enjoy Clarabelle’s bug collection with your child while laughing at the other’s being covered in mud and soaked to the bone.

Yasha:

Poor Yasha doesn’t recall much of a family. In reality she never really felt like she had one until the circus, and after them the Nein. When she saw you and your child together, the unconditional love you had for each other, she felt like she finally realised what she had been missing, and something she perhaps would never have. She learned the value of such a relationship.

Yasha has no idea how to interact with children at any level and by default tends to treat them as either adults, or cute animals. No in between. It took her some time to get the hang of it but you couldn’t deny both you and your child rather enjoyed the unconventional relationship.

The wastes and hardships of Xhorhas may force a child to grow up quickly in the tribes but that doesn’t mean children outside of those regions have to learn how to wield a sword and what bugs you can and cannot eat or how to best skin an animal before eating it… It took some convincing why that was not a necessary skill to learn at the tender age of ten.

You compromised with Yasha on the fighting in the end, persuaded by the woman and your child to allow her to teach them some fighting basics because someone’ has to have your back when Yasha’s not there. You did manage to hold them off on purchasing a sword perhaps too large for your child despite the ‘they’ll grow into it’ reasoning and instead settled on training equipment instead.

Mollymauk:

Oh Mollymauk, nothing surprises this one. He felt rather sorry for you going through the struggles of raising a child alone. He may not remember his own family but he’s traveled far and wide enough to know the hardships. He knows poor Toya and he admires you for being able to do what so many can’t or won’t.

It goes unsaid that Molly is perhaps the worst of influences when it comes to people but you’ve seen him interact with Toya before and know well enough he’s a kind and caring soul who wants only the best for those who can’t just yet fend for themselves. It’s a good foundation that leads to a better person. He jokingly claims himself proof of that through the carnival and him ‘being an absolute asshole’.

Molly’s soft side really does come out whenever he’s around your child. He doesn’t deliberately censor himself but tries to contain certain words and avoid certain subjects that should never be discussed around your child knowing you’d appreciate it and if he does let something slip and your child ask questions he’d gently explain it as certain things should definitely not be described in gory detail to someone of their age.

This circus man is not afraid to put on a show in any circumstance and will happily do so to cheer you or your child up whenever you’re feeling a bit down or overworked. Whether he’s making a fool of himself, giving you bogus card readings, juggle his swords or tell the most ridiculous stories ever he’d do it without a second thought because it brings you and your child joy. You’re part of his family and he’d go to hell and back again for you.

[wristpockets]

Can I throw some prompts at you? All fluffy but with potential for Deep Emotional Talks™ if that's what you're after. Anyway: 1. Essek and jester trying to cook/ bake for the first time (two rich kids who have never been in a kitchen while food has been made) lots of potential for comedy but also ways to explore the differences and similarities in their childhoods?? 2. Caleb and Essek teaching each other dances from their homelands, (I feel like Essek probably had to learn formal dances in his youth and absolutely despised them until he realized that dancing with someone you actually like can be fun) Anyhow, happy writing!

Thanks for the suggestions! Going with the first one!

(If anyone else has any fic prompts/ideas/requests feel free to send them my way!)

This kind of got away from me 😅 Ended up a lot longer than expected. Not going to spend too much time proofreading or editing bc this was supposed to be fun. Anyway

Essek is leaning over the railing on the Nein Heroez, a glass of wine in his hand. He can hear the party going on behind him - the rest of the Nein get together every month for dinner - but he needed to get away for a moment. He watches the moonlight reflect off the waves as he swirls the wine in his glass.

He doesn't notice Jester until she's right next to him.

"What's wrong, Essek?" she asks, her voice laden with sincerity and sympathy.

He sighs, takes a long sip of his wine, and says, "I feel inadequate."

"Oh no Essek," Jester says. She moves closer, until she can bump her hip against his. "You're so powerful. And!" She lowers her voice conspiratorially, "I saw the way you floated in Cognouza. You were faster than Caleb, which I think means you're even smarter than he is."

Essek actually smiles at that. Lets out a little laugh. "You're not wrong. But I'm not concerned with my power or intelligence."

"Then how do you think you're inadequate? In what way? Is it-" Jester cuts herself off, looking over at him while wiggling her eyebrows.

"No," he says quickly, his ears heating up. "Everyone else is so..." He looks for the word and comes up blank. "Caleb and I see Beauregard and Yasha for dinner quite often. Yasha will have freshly baked bread, or even cake. Beauregard works all day, and Yasha stays home and cooks."

"I think she's happy though," Jester says.

"I think so too," Essek says quickly. "Caleb works all day too, and I stay home and do nothing." He lets out a little laugh. "I cannot believe this is my problem. Feeling bad that I cannot cook dinner while my - while Caleb is working."

Jester's eyes light up. "Okay," she says. "Okay okay. For our next get together, we're making dessert. Me and you."

Beauregard and Yasha are hosting the next meetup. Essek had collected Jester, Fjord and Kingsley early that morning, to give Jester and Essek time to make dessert.

They sent Caleb and Fjord out of the house and set to work in Caleb's kitchen.

But when Essek takes the third batch of cupcakes out of the oven - burned on the outside, somehow raw inside - he's ready to give up.

"I don't understand what I'm doing wrong," Essek says quietly. He floats there, uselessly, staring at another failed attempt at a fairly simple baked good. "Is this how you normally make them?"

"Hmm?" Jester says, looking over at him. She dips her finger into the frosting she'd been working on. "I've never made cupcakes before."

Essek turns toward her. "What? You've never-"

"Nope," Jester says, matter-of-factly. She puts the icing-covered finger in her mouth, tasting the frosting, before scrunching up her nose. "This is awful."

Essek deflates a little. "So we are currently lacking both edible cupcakes and edible icing."

Even Jester's smile falls. "I'm sorry, Essek."

"It's not your fault," Essek says. "We still have some ingredients - what do you know how to make? What could we make quickly that's simpler?"

Jester looks down at the floor. "I don't know."

"Anything," Essek pleads. "Anything you've baked successfully-"

"I've never baked anything," Jester admits quietly.

"Oh," Essek says.

"Yeah."

Jester turns so her back is to the counter, then slides down, sitting on the floor. "I know how you feel. I feel like I should know how to do this."

Essek floats over, then sits down next to her. He can't bear the look on her face. "Two powerful adventurers, brought low by mere cupcakes," he jokes.

"I wanted to do this," Jester says, still quiet. "I wanted to bake something for everyone, something delicious! Something everyone would eat and say, 'oh Jester, your baking is so delicious,' and then maybe I'm not just the girl who draws dicks on things."

"You're a lot more than that," Essek tries.

Jester nods. "I know. I just feel bad."

"I feel that way too," Essek says. "All this power and knowledge and ability - for what? What good is it doing me here, now? And I know it's not an either-or thing. Caleb cooks. Even Beauregard does sometimes. I've never so much as fried an egg."

"Neither have I," Jester admits. "When I lived at home..."

"I understand," Essek says, and he knows he does.

"It's just embarrassing," Jester says.

"Yes," Essek agrees.

They sit like that for a moment, until they hear the front door open.

"Essek? Jester?" Caleb calls from the entryway. "Am I allowed in the kitchen yet?"

"Not yet!" Jester yells. "Almost done! Fifteen minutes!"

Essek looks at her in shock, and she just shrugs her shoulders.

"I do not possess the arcane ability to create cupcakes," Essek says blankly. "And I am unsure of how else we might make a dessert in that time."

"I panicked," Jester says apologetically. "Maybe some of the cupcakes aren't so bad-"

"They are," Essek says as Jester leans over batch number two, tearing off a piece of cupcake and trying it cautiously. After a few bites she scrunches her nose, then spits it out into the garbage.

"It looked good," Jester pouts. "I can't believe cupcakes would lie to me."

Something connects and Essek can feel his eyes widen. "I have an idea."

Several hours later, Jester and Essek are ready to present their cupcakes to the rest of the Nein. At the very least, they look nice - frosting is apparently close enough to painting for Jester to have some skill at it.

"These look delicious," Caleb says, smiling up at Essek. The compliment in front of their friends makes Essek's cheeks heat up, and he's grateful his complexion doesn't let it show.

"I might need to get some pointers from you," Yasha says as she carefully peels off the cupcake wrapper. "I wish I could frost like this."

"Don't eat that!" Beau shouts, quickly leaning over to slap it out of her hand.

Everyone stops to stare at Beauregard, Yasha's mouth still open, the cupcake discarded on the floor.

"What's wrong, Beauregard?" Essek asks nervously.

"They've been tampered with," she says. She picks up Yasha's dinner plate. "These plates are enchanted. They change colour if any of the food on it is fucked with. A few crumbs fell off of it." She points to a few speckles of bright purple on the plate. "I watched the plate react to the crumbs."

"Tampered with?" Fjord asks. "Tampered how?"

"I don't fucking know, man," Beau says. "It doesn't like, tell me."

"Um," Essek says carefully. "Would a magical alteration to the dish set off that reaction?"

"I should fucking hope so," Beau says, "since that's the whole point."

"In that case," Essek says, shooting Jester a worried look, "then yes, they were tampered with. But they will not harm you."

"Essek," Caleb says, looking at him worriedly.

"It's just prestidigitation," Essek says hurriedly. "We used it to flavour the cupcakes and the frosting." He takes a bite of his own cupcake. "See? They're safe."

"But why?" Veth asks. "Surely it can't be any worse than that fish stew Fjord made us all eat last time."

Essek looks at Jester again, who looks resigned. He waves his hand, dismissing the spell. "See for yourself."

Caleb is the first one that takes Essek up on that, tearing off a piece with his fingers and tasting it. Essek can see Caleb trying very hard to keep his expression neutral. He eventually - with some difficulty - swallows the bite of cupcake. "Ja," he says, eventually. "It's not that bad." He offers Essek a warm smile.

"Well that's obviously a lie," Veth says, pushing her plate a few inches away from her.

"Sorry guys," Jester says. She's looking down at the table and looks absolutely lost. "We just wanted to make something nice."

"Have either of you ever baked anything, ever?" Veth asks, picking up a tiny piece of the cupcake and trying it. "This is awful. I love you Jessie, but who taught you to bake?"

Jester looks too crestfallen to answer. "Both of us are, ah, new to this," Essek admits instead.

"Maybe cooking lessons are in order," Fjord says. "I used to cook on the ship, back when I was getting started. I could show you a few things, Jester."

Jester nods, still looking down at the table.

"And I could teach you," Caleb says to Essek.

"That would be appreciated," Essek says.

"Okay," Jester says. She sighs, then looks up at everyone. Forces a smile. "Okay. Me and Essek are going to learn how to cook, and then we'll make something for next time."

"Maybe not cupcakes," Beau says.

"Maybe nothing for anyone who complains about my baking again," Jester retorts.

"There are some desserts from Rosohna I'd like to recreate, if possible," Essek says. "If I can find a recipe."

"That sounds nice," Caduceus says.

"I am not much for sweets, but I do like some of the ones in Rosohna," he continues. "They're, ah, made with cinnamon. I don't think they do that here in the Empire."

"They don't!" Jester almost yells, smiling. "I know! It's crazy!"

[mapleandgingeroatmeal]

The Mighty Nein Ranked by How Good They Are With Kids

-For these purposes, "kids" means anyone between ages five and ten.

-Ratings are a combination of Enthusiasm (how much they like/want to be good with kids) and Experience (how well do they know kids/how good at they at wrangling them).

1) Veth: Experience 5/5, Enthusiasm 5/5

This one is obvious. Veth gets bumped to the top just because she's the only one with canonical experience dealing with littles. She raised Luc until he was lets say almost three. Not many years, but the ones she did get are pretty big ones where you learn a lot. Even when it comes to older kids, growing up as a girl in a one-room-schoolhouse kinda town there's no way Veth didn't end up looking after younger kids growing up. She's also got that crucial mothers mindset in that she likes kids and thinks of helping them as part of her identity. When you go into a situation with confidence and ease, kids pick up on that and listen better in response.

2) Yasha: Experience 4/5, Enthusiasm 4/5

Either this or #6 will be my most controversial take, but hear me out: Yasha comes from a communal, matriarchal society where child-rearing would be a group experience and duty. Yasha changed diapers and maybe taught some lessons growing up. Assuming this, she would also have an idea of what kids at a given age may be capable of, which is very important. She's also someone that would enjoy the genuine personalities and antics of kids a lot. Yasha likes soft things, after all. Imagine her at a princess tea-party.

If you want some evidence in canon for this, look at her interactions with Luc in 110. Yasha is awkward with most people, but she immediately sweeps Luc onto her shoulders. This is a ballsy move that speaks to confidence and also experience. She knows how to hold him well enough to get him up there smoothly, and she does it with so little hesitation that it seems like something she's done before.

3) Fjord: Experience 4/5, Enthusiasm 2/5

Premise One: Fjord is a pack-oriented dude. He focuses on survival, but once you're in his circle he will fight the entire world for you and be very concerned with your well-being. Premise Two: Fjord grew up in a shitty orphanage, the kind that would be under-staffed and overflowing, with many kids who struggle and don't get the help and attention they need. Conclusion: Fjord as an older kid would be asked/expected to step in with the littles a lot. He would know how to do the mechanics of caretaking, like diapers, tying shoes, etc. He's also of a personality that would spend extra time soothing fights and nightmares and things as best as he could.

When it comes to enthusiasm, Fjord also was bullied a whole lot and had a terrible childhood. He can deal with kids so well partially because he has no illusions about how cruel or intelligent they can be. If he has to do it he'd be pretty good, but I don't think he'd ever choose to spend a bunch of time with kids.

4) Caleb: Experience 2/5, Enthusiasm 4/5

Caleb and Fjord are pretty much inverse of each other here. Caleb was an only child and his small town's Golden Boy. He didn't have siblings to learn about, and in his town he'd be allowed and encouraged to study instead of doing something like babysitting. Not lower than a two because in a small town, kids do run around in packs outside, so he's at least for sure interacted with littles in his life, which puts him above everyone still left.

Even without much experience though, Caleb seems like he really likes kids! He wants to be a teacher and is great with Luc on multiple occasions. Liking kids just fits with the goofy, sincere parts of his personality as well. Like Yahsa, Caleb would appreciate how earnest and uncorrupted by the world a child can be.

5) Caduceus: Experience 1/5, Enthusiasm 4/5

Caduceus is the kind of guy that probably thinks he's great with kids, but if you left him with one he would have zero coping skills. Remember that he grew up the second-youngest of four in a very isolated setting; it's very possible that Clarabelle was without exaggeration the only child he'd ever seen before the m9.

So Caduceus would like kids alright, as we saw with Luc, but he's not one to ever dumb himself down or really conceive of perspectives outside his own. He'd give kids knives and tell them horror stories is what I'm saying. I actually think Clay would be great with teens, because he's not one to condescend (well he is but not in that way), and he would assume they can take responsibility and understand complex ideas.

6) Jester: Experience 0/5, Enthusiasm 4/5

I have a feeling I'm gonna get some arguments to this (which I welcome; please come try and change my mind), but I genuinely think Jester Lavvore, esp early-campaign, would be terrible with children. She's got a perfect storm of personality traits to be bad at this: A Very Adult sense of humor, no ability/willingness to filter herself or control her first instincts, and a mostl-harmless rich girl innocence that would make jt hard for her to be patient or prioritize things that aren’t fun for her.

7) Beau: Experience 0/5, Enthusiasm 2/5 Much like with Caduceus, Beau is a prime example of why working with kids and working with teens are such different jobs. There are several canonical examples of Beau enjoying gaining the trust of teens by doing things like giving them explosives or booze.

For a 16-year-old who wants to grow up and discover themselves, throwing-star lessons and free reign of town are actually great and important strategies for gaining their trust and respect. But a 2nd-grader put in the same situation will feel lost, unsupported, and then cut their hand off with a bladed monk weapon. “Sorry”, says Beau with a shrug. “You shouldn’tve left me with a baby. I fuckin hate kids”.

[nightfallgame]

( TW / SH ) which of the boys deal with selfharm??? :0 or which one of them have the most,, suicidal tendencies?? if that makes sense

Ohhhhh boy... this is gonna be A List. >.> Warning for LOTS of fucked up mental health stuff from the boys... 

. . . 

Ritsu — As we know from his route, he’ll self-harm if pushed far enough. It’s not something he does regularly, but it’s happened a couple of times in his worst moments. While he’s never been suicidal, exactly, there have been a few occasions where he wished he wouldn’t have to wake up in the morning. 

Arashi — He doesn’t necessarily hurt himself, but his behavior of constantly throwing himself into fights could definitely be considered self-harm. It’s a very self-destructive behavior, but he’s never going to admit that it’s a means of hurting himself, in a way— just one that makes him feel brave. 

Touru — His self-harm issues are some of the worst in the game, tbh. He’s very secretive about them (and no one pays much attention to him anyway), but there’s a lot of suicidal ideation lurking in his head from how invisible, worthless, and lonely he feels. He’s even had a plan for doing it when he was younger. 

Hiroyuki — Again, it shows up more in terms of habits. In Hiroyuki’s case, obviously, his drinking. He knows it damages his body... and doesn’t really care. No one would give a shit if he drank himself to death, so if it happens, it happens. At least he gets some relief from his misery in the meantime. 

Xane — Those issues were a lot worse in his teen years. Medication and other methods have helped quite a bit, but Xane still has scars from things he did in his youth— including the one on his cheek. And when he’s particularly stressed, his brain tends to want to revert to his old methods of calming himself. 

Kegare — He’s never been able to do much thanks to always being watched, but there have been times where he’s clawed at himself in places no one will see or otherwise done things that don’t leave marks. It’s usually done in frustration and self-loathing, and he has thought about not existing before. 

Viktor — In Viktor’s case, his self-harm is more like severe self-neglect. He’s done things to actively harm himself a couple of times, but for the most part, he just cares so little for his wellbeing that he lets himself rot. Suicidal thoughts do sometimes enter his head, though, and they can easily start to consume him. 

Ryoushi — He tends to beat himself up (physically and mentally) when he feels like he’s failed at something... which is pretty often. His main methods are things like hitting himself in the head or intentionally skipping meals. He’s never been suicidal though. He’s too scared of the thought of pain and dying. 

Yasha — Considering how often he gets hurt at Blight, self-harm would both be dangerous and unnecessary. However, he’s quite suicidal, mostly due to feeling like an abhorrent monster who shouldn’t be alive. He has no plans to act on such feelings, though; if he waits long enough, his lifestyle will do the job. 

[captainsspnanon]

C2E40 - Dubious Pursuits - rewatch

IT’S A HALLOWEEN EPISODE I FORGOT IT’S A HALLOWEEN EPISODE

for a split second I was trying to remember if we got the happy fun ball early, but no, that’s going to be probably the NEXT Halloween episode (“Jester! Put it down!  NOW!” is burned into my head.  I can’t tell if it’s Caleb or Liam but *fans self*)

Aw, no Laura this episode.  And I love that Travis’s costume is a hat and M&M gloves.  How is Sam’s ketchup costume more put together??? XD

Oh!  Liam’s back to the dark mug!  (and Travis’s gloves have come off INSTANTLY)

I love Liam doing the ‘Kylo Ren’ voice because I don’t watch Star Wars (I’m not a big action movie person, star trek tv shows tend to be more my jam. Hence why I’m also not big on the new star trek movies that were just action movies), so I have no clue if it’s accurate or not.

THEY BROKE MATT!!!! It’s so so rare now that they get him with a shout out, I love when it happens!  Travis did it this time ‘round.

...Caleb asking how many eyes he has right now hits WAY different XDDD

What the fuck is that flask Sam omg

Ah, the three murals with the three eyes in each, a deliberate red herring from Matt.  It was fun hearing him talk about this and what plot threads could have come from this during the wrap up.

I like that the Uk’otoa mural has amber eyes all along the body, and I’m just here thinking that Caleb should pry some out so he won’t need to buy any for his eventual Vault. XD

Hmmm.  After last Talks Machina where Liam said that Caleb would try to stop Fjord from raising Uk’otoa, I wonder if Caleb grabbing Fjord to talk before he could follow Avantika into the well was planned deliberately.  It ends up not making much of a difference, because Fjord does still get there first and just fails to figure out how to place the eye, but still.

HOURGLASS!!!  We never got many of these.  Have they ever actually run out the time on camera?

Enlarging Caduceus! Very smart move!!  (also I totally think Matt wiffed the roll for Yasha, and that’s why he gave Beau advantage instead.  He’s a very generous DM)

LOL as I bring it up, the sand runs out.  Penalty is only that the water fully fills the chamber, which is not too bad.

I like how after this, they I think always have someone with the spell water breathing.  Burn me once!

Faaaaaack another combat.

Ah, the Kiss of Life.  This is one of those moments that so small, but it’s so hard to imagine the campaign if it didn’t happen.  Though a part of me does wonder how the scene would have played out if 1) Caduceus was the one with the key, or 2) if Laura was actually there.  I feel like at least part of Fjord’s decision came from Travis not wanting his wife’s PC to die while she wasn’t there, and I do wonder if he would have gone for a kiss had Cad been the one instead, or if he would have done a more physical attempt of taking the key and dragging Cad along or something like that.

I like when Matt starts the chase skill challenge he straight up says that they have six rounds of it.  It gives them an idea of what to expect, because six is a LOT when you don’t know how much you have to do, and I can see them keep asking after three if they hadn’t made it yet.  So saying six ahead of time means that they’re aware of exactly how long this can take.

They don’t roll damage for the fluffernutter, so I don’t think we actually find out how much damage it can do!  Sad times.

Nott drawing the attention of the lizard-folk hits a LOT harder in hindsight knowing about her sacrificing herself to save Yeza and Luc.  This is, apparently, a trademark tactic of hers, despite her as Nott seemingly being very ‘selfish’ (except not really).  It also adds to both Veth and Nott’s stories.  It’s not her first choice to be self-sacrificing.  It’s not her second choice either.  But when the chips are down, it’s the risk that she will take herself rather than risking those she cares about.

Even though it was Taliesin’s idea, I like that it’s Yasha who is picking up and carrying Caleb when he hits two points of exhaustion.  I JUST WANT MORE YASHA CALEB INTERACTION.  These little guilt ridden introverts didn’t get enough time together. :(

Oh wow, after break almost EVERYONE is mostly out of costume except for Matt!!  (I suppose Sam is too, but he’s wearing a fricken ketchup costume, it’s hard to count it.  I suppose props for still wearing the hat, as that’s got to be uncomfortable)

I find it very very funny that the Squalleater name just sounds super wrong.  It’s the Ball Eater, Matt, get it right! XD

LOL after calling them out, Sam takes off his costume too.  PROPS WITHDRAWN.  ONLY MATT WINS.

It’s very interesting hearing Fjord pretty vehemently reject the possibility of releasing Uk’otoa at this time.  When they are in Xhorhas and his powers are taken away, Travis confirmed (I think in the wrap up, but maybe in a Talks) that he was 100% ready to go and release Uk’otoa just to get his powers back.  Knowing that, and seeing how against it Fjord is here is a fascinating play of how one can feel in control when one has what they want.  Fjord very much wants to continue to get more power, perhaps not the power that he would get from a full release, but the Control Water – he is very disappointed that he didn’t get it and is very driven to get it.  With his powers lost entirely, he seriously considers a prospect that he had rejected out of hand.   ...I have thoughts about this tying into his decision to serve the Wildmother, and Travis’s decision to multiclass, but I don’t have the energy to put it into words, so just assume that I said something very thought provoking and well worded.  (so not like my usual write ups XD)

Fuuuuuuck, Caleb’s face when he tells Fjord “you do what you have to” in regards to Avantika and the glass of wine.  I would not have been so aware of it had someone else not done a fantastic write up of how Caleb was taught to use his sexuality and how that colors his views of how the Avantika/Fjord interactions should go.  I can’t remember the post or who wrote it, but I did reblog it when I saw it ages ago.

AWWWW, Nott giving Fjord the vial of acid and the genuineness of the interaction.  Team Green, I believe is the name, SUCH a good combo of sass and feels.

I very much appreciate the fact that Matt is clearly giving Travis the opportunity to have these RP sessions with Avantika without having to have it go into overt sexuality, something that he knows Travis is uncomfortable with.  Matt gives little winks and nods, allowing the opening if Travis wanted to take action, but in no way makes it a ‘must do this to proceed’ sort of thing.  It makes Travis being willing to take that step fully his own decision without feeling pressured.

I like how “Seamen, seamen everwhere” “and not a drop to drink” ended up being the thing that broke Matt.

@suicidallyreckless

[shoggoth-the-bitch]

I genuinely do hate to be a curmudgeon about the final because I desperately wanted it to be as great as I thought the first campaign’s final was but I just can’t help but find it lacking in a lot of ways. Honestly, I actually had to go on an hour long walk just to try to clear up how I was feeling on all of this and I’m still pretty conflicted.

Obviously I’m not gonna go messaging the cast about everything I thought was “wrong” with the final, I just want to vent my thoughts. If you think I’m wrong and that the final was fine then by all means ignore this post, this is just me giving my thoughts.

First and foremost, I get what Taliesin was trying to do with Molly. I’m sure the way he saw it, Molly was gone and wasn’t meant to come back. I can imagine this might have been his original idea for Molly, if ever he died in the campaign he would come back as totally new person, which would keep the rest of the M9 inclined to keep him from dying. And if it was, I find that very interesting and would have loved to see more of that but this was the final the M9 did so much to get Molly back and Kingley simply isn’t him. I’m sad that Molly didn’t come back and it’s hard to like Kingley when I know he’s replaced him.

Beau and Yasha’s endings were good. I’m glad Beau was done right by the Cobalt Soul and I’m glad Yasha got to bring Zuala the flowers she’d been collecting the entire campaign. If there’s one complaint I have to make, it’s that I wish we could have explored this part of Yasha more. This was her whole backstory and we may never get to know more about it, only that she killed the former leader of the tribe and is feared/hated by the tribe. As for Beau, she gets a little closure with her dad but I wish there would have been something about going to see her mom and little brother while her dad was in jail, if only to see them while he wasn’t looming in the background.

Fjord gets to go back to the sea and find his mentor and I’m happy for him, meanwhile Jester... just sorta comes with him. Like, yeah, she has her last talks with her parents and Artagan but she didn’t get to do much of her own thing. She road off into the sunset with Fjord and that’s really it. Not even a “well obviously we get married” kind of joke that I can recall. Laura’s even said before that she doesn’t like when fandom acts like her character’s only purpose is to be in a relationship with one character or another, so it just feels wrong that Jester’s whole ending seems to be following Fjord where ever he feels like going.

I’m a bit sad that Cad went out into the world and saw everything it had to offer and then decided that he was just gonna go back to the Grove and spend the next several decades there and never even think of leaving. It’s as though he went out into the world and truly saw nothing worth seeing more of. I could understand missing home and spending a few years there but decades, never feeling any form of wanderlust after seeing all sort of things that he never could have experienced in the Grove. Like, I know his character grew as a person but you could be forgive for mistaking him going home and deciding to never leave again to seem kinda like he’s reverted right back to the man who used to think he’d be in the Grove his entire life. I don’t know, it just feels kinda wrong.

Veth’s ending makes the most sense out of all of them. Again, I’m sad because we didn’t really get a lot of info about what she’d be doing next. Her and Yeza settle down on the coast, open an alchemy shop, and raise Luc. It seems almost too obvious that this would be how her story would end but that’s because we’ve known it’s been coming for months now. Veth has struggled with her want to be with her family and be with the Nein, this is literally the only end that makes sense for her character and I’m glad she got her happy ending.

And then there’s Caleb.

I’ve known for a while that Caleb wouldn’t be allowed to have a happy ending for two reason: 1. All his his love interests were either in love with someone else or war criminals, and more importantly 2. Even after all the good he’s done, he still doesn’t love himself enough to realize he deserves a happy ending.

There was a possibility for Caleb and Essek to share a happy ending. I think Caleb could have convinced him to come back to the Empire to uproot the corruption that still exists in the government. I know Essek was afraid of being caught but Caleb could have used his Transmogrification spell on him and helped him escape to a new life. Yes, I’m certain he had some form of pride in being a drow but it’s already canon that he ultimately had to go into hiding and was forced to wear illusions constantly for his own protection. Transformation or illusion, Essek can never truly be himself anymore and now he can’t even be with Caleb.

As for the “Caleb will be an old man and Essek will be Essek,” that part genuinely annoys me. Orcs rarely live to see the age of 80 while Tieflings can live to be roughly 150 years old, you don’t see Jester and Fjord deciding that they can’t be together because Jester could potentially live twice as long as Fjord. It just feels like sort of a garbage excuse to make Caleb’s end a little bit sadder.

Last bit about Caleb, being that he never does what he set out to do and ends up as a teacher in the very establishment that tortured him and ruined his life. He doesn’t stop the corruption in the Empire, by all accounts they took out Trent Ikithon and then just sorta fucked off to do their own things. Like, I know Veth and Cad were set to go home but I feel like the other should have stuck together long enough to see the corruption uprooted. It’s been their mantra for at least a year out of game, take down the corruption in the Empire, but as long as the Cerberus Assembly exists there will be corruption in the Empire.

Yes, in uncovering and stopping Lucien’s plans, they uncovered something quite a bit bigger then just the corruption in the Empire but that doesn’t mean those troubles disappear now that Aeor is no longer a threat to them.

There are a lot of little things that still frustrate me; story lines that were never properly wrapped up, characters that were never revisited. Maybe I’m just sad to see it all go but it just felt like a lot of the story simply wasn’t over even though the campaign is.