#feel like i overexplained and got kinda lost here and there but i think i highlight some sensible loosening of the framework of autism

[mo0l]

i kinda have a lot of problems with autism as a framework,, i mean its cute dont get me wrong and i know zoomers on social media like to use it like they do trans as an idpol signifier for finding other "cool weirdos", but i hate how restrictive people can be about what it is to be autistic (ironic i know).

Like for starters, autism is basically co-opted as some like being inherently anxious and socially awkward disease, i get naturally why these are stereotypes of it but its annoying when people make statements like "omg autistic people cant naturally infer unspoken social rules!!" like bro stfu no one can, neurotypicals had to learn that too they were just faster about it and probably intuited it at an earlier age due to more consistent socializing, theres a reason the more consistently socialized from a young age autistic people dont struggle with these things as much in a generalized sense either!

secondly i hate the term of "masking". I get that its useful for some people, but I feel like really internalizing this framework of socializing is shooting yourself in the foot. You're setting yourself up for socializing being a hard, unnatural thing when you frame it as something you have to perform that "doesnt come naturally to you". I don't mean to be an ass, no form of socializing comes naturally to anyone. What this really means is you prefer socializing with people who arent as formal and youre comfortable with. While neurotypicals may not express this as plainly as neurodivergents, neurotypical people generally prefer these things as well! Theres a reason they keep friends! They just generally arent as opposed to meeting new people as neurodivergent people generally are. Again, this is likely a case of being more socialized. Most of these trait between autistic and allistic can be summed up as being unsocialized vs socialized. And youre capable of learning social norms! And it doesnt have to be exhausting unnatural horrible masking that rips your true soul out of your heart and severs your personality into two! it genuinely gets easier the more you do it, you might still be someone who needs more alone time than others but goddamn i dont think most people are anywhere close to understanding where they truly fit on that scale because they dont try,,, all of this is also to say you dont need to value socializing as much as others either,, if youre happy being insular and autistic, like genuinely, then no reason to change it unless you want! but i feel like a lot of people just accept themselves as being this glorified faux pop-self help idea of autistic and hate having to live as an autistic person and dont really realize how much they limit themselves and just seek to externalize all their issues,,, which isnt to victim blame obviously, being autistic is hard but idk we're in a weird time with online self diagnosing n shit,, this is a lot I've written out I'm really ranting. I hate restricting myself to frameworks! idpol is retarded!!! the bad kind

[eponymous-rose]

Some (many) thoughts on Arcane s2 while it's still fresh in my mind:

(tw: discussion of fictional depictions of suicide)

I'm gonna do some nitpicking here, but only because I really did like it overall - I think for me s1 was a solid 10/10 and this season was an 8.5/10, so I'm certainly looking forward to rewatching it! The animation was a big step up from s1's incredible work, the music was great, the performances were fantastic. I do think the overall writing/story fell down a bit, though.

It's weird, because my go-to when character arcs feel rushed is to want more episodes, but I don't think that necessarily would have solved my issues with this season.

Cait turned on Ambessa on a dime - we love to see it, but I think we maybe needed a few more overt hints of her discomfort with her position, maybe a sense of wrongness in their adoptive relationship and some parallels with Jinx & Silco given what Vi says early on ("why are you the one acting like her?"). Ambessa believes her daughter to be lost, and Cait has lost a mother - they were certainly playing on that substitution, but the eventual turn, while fun, felt a bit quick and unearned. I saw someone joke about the word "Cupcake" flipping Cait back like a sleeper agent, but that's kinda how abrupt things felt.

I think Mel's plot largely hung together okay, although it was pretty disconnected from everyone except Ambessa - would've loved to have seen some acknowledgement that Cait was filling her shoes as Daughter for a while there.

Isha was sweet and I liked the parallels with the Powder-Vi relationship (LOVED Jinx running with the pink chalk and Isha with the blue), but I think the sacrifice metaphor got a little muddled. The parallels with Powder charging in and killing everyone around her, versus Isha charging in and saving everyone but herself felt a little forced and I struggled to see how they served the greater narrative. The whole point of Powder's failure was a messy combination of bad luck, overcompensating for what she perceived as a lack of confidence in her, etc. Isha had Jinx's confidence on her side, I guess, and now of course we have the foreshadowing of Jinx dying to save someone else, which she's been trying to do since Act II.

Suicide was a pretty heavy concept throughout the first season. We had the parallels of Jayce and Viktor, we had the little-remarked-upon moment where Viktor hesitates before cutting the wire on Jinx's bomb. I actually think this season did pretty well with those two (although I'll talk about a couple things that irked me below), but the concept that we can't escape the things that we've done and we instead have to find salvation in those around us felt kind of contrary to Jinx's finally finding a way to die for her sister. I don't know that Jinx's story was necessarily supposed to feel satisfying or complete, but without another season there's not much to dig through there.

And that brings up the main reason I don't think more episodes would have resolved my quibbles with this season: it was pretty prone to overexplaining. To me, one of the most exceptional things about that first season was how little it explained. You had these gorgeous, evocative flashes of Vander trying to kill Silco, Silco stabbing him and fleeing into the night, and that's all we needed! That's it! We didn't need to know the specifics, we didn't need more backstory than that - the whole point of the season was that these kids are trying to make their own stories, and these guys have set the stage and are in the process of bowing out. Much as I loved the glimpses this season into the past generation's adventures, it felt like it was pinning something down that was more effectively left to the imagination.

There were also some weird fumbles with discussions of disability, especially in that last episode. I loved so much of what season one did with it - the older generation of Zaunites almost all had some form of disability due to the way they'd been systematically poisoned and their constant exposure to danger, and that was a really in-your-face way to challenge the early "why can't we all get along" stuff. And so much of Viktor's and Jayce's arcs are tied in with the sense of time running out and how Heimerdinger's long-term goals are incompatible with helping the people suffering right now. But instead we get this weird "you didn't like your imperfections so you tried to eliminate all imperfections", which doesn't quite ring true.

We just fundamentally didn't get to a resolution that I think was heavily implied, especially in Act II. "No one in power is innocent" is a great, raw line, but we didn't really see it play out. Instead, we have everyone stopping from othering each other in order to band together against an even bigger Other. As a side note, I don't think that Sevika's ending is meant to be a positive thing - we see from the skeptical looks of others that she's got a long road ahead. The revolution we saw coming just sort of fizzled out, and I think it's still on the horizon, which makes things feel incomplete.

There were also a lot of notes that repeated instead of echoing or harmonizing. We had variations on the theme of Vander dying three different times. We had Vi being unable to kill her sister several times. The repetition felt a bit like it was filling time instead of moving things forward the way s1's plot kept pushing.

This season is also the first time I felt the hand of League of Legends Canon shoving the plot into place. We knew Vi was heading for that enforcer uniform, but after the initial conflict it sometimes felt more like we just unlocked a new skin for the character. The Vander-as-Warwick stuff was kind of silly and out of left field, although it was executed pretty well and certainly pulled at the ol' heartstrings. Ekko getting his time abilities was fun and impacted the final fight, but I feel like we were missing something there as well that I'm having a harder time putting my finger on. Some of Viktor's lines felt designed to make the League players in the audience go "HE SAID THE THING". And I hate the feeling of setting up the Next Installment in the Cinematic Universe, probably just because I'm exhausted with Marvel stuff - I'd love for an adaptation like this to be able to really and truly stand on its own.

Overall, it just felt less like the characters were driving the story and more like they were ticking off boxes, which is just something that any good finale has to contend with one way or another.

Anyway, that's a lot of nitpicking. Fundamentally, this felt almost like it was a really strong fic that did a surprisingly good job of wrapping everything up and was stunningly put together in places... but still lacked the spark of the original.

Stuff I loved: Vi/Cait getting a pretty strong arc and certainly the first lesbian sex scene I've ever seen in a TV-14 cartoon. Animation and score was stunning. I did love the what-if of episode 7 - something I've been waiting for them to acknowledge is that literally everything that happens in the show follows from that one break-in during episode one. I actually think Vi and Jinx's reunion and reconciliation felt earned.

I'm curious how I'll feel on subsequent rewatches - the first time I watched s1, I remember being blown away but not in a "this is the best thing ever" way, and it wasn't until the second time that it really clicked for me.

[sanguine-tenshi]

I just finished Inazuma and I have words

TL;DR: Hate the story, mixed on characters, love the design and tired of being treated like a 4-year-old with a learning disability.

SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT

Let’s start with what I like.

Inazuma is absolutely beautiful. I’ll admit Inazuma hits a lot of aesthetic points for me. All the islands are different enough to feel unique but they still look like they are a part of the same land. There are a lot of secrets to discover through just exploring. Each island has a world quest to help it (make it less hostile towards you) so it very much feels like you are saving Inazuma from itself.

.

The puzzles are alright.

I like the cubes that rotate, I always put in the effort to figure them out properly.

Hate the ones that don’t rotate, they just aren’t engaging enough for me, so I just hit them at random and hope for the best.

The glowing floor tiles were fun, once you actually realized what they wanted you to do. A little bit too easy if I’m honest.

The electro compass isn’t really much of a puzzle, more of a fetch the nearest electrograna quest.

Those little pillars that require an electro connection are kinda boring to me, again not much of a puzzle, the hardest part is finding both pillars.

I love the new electro seelie, kinda hard to follow the jittery thing in certain parts but they make a nice contrast to the regular seelies.

.

I’m very much mixed on characters.

Yoimiya is adorable. She is so bright and bubbly. What little game play we had with her was fun and I love her over the top style of fighting. Kinda disappointed she’s another pyro archer but I do admit it fits her character well. It was also wonderful seeing her just settle down and be quiet, just be a part of that moment that obviously meant a lot to her. It’s always nice to see that bubbly, energetic character have that one quiet thing, ya know. Kinda funny it’s fireworks, of all things, for her.

Gorou I like, from what little we’ve seen of him. My man killed a dude with his thighs so I’m down. I do find it kinda ridiculous that a resistance general has his whole damn belly exposed. There is also something about his voice that just does not fit. I cannot for the life of me put my finger on what exactly it is. Could be the tone itself, could be just voice acting. It sort of feels like the VA is trying to sound deeper than he actually does.

Sangonomiya Kokomi, mixed. I like her design, she looks like some sort of mystical priestess. Again something about the voice is jarring. I expected her to sound sort of airy, like she isn’t 100% present, like she’s seeing something we can’t. TBH she reminds me of Luna from HP for some reason. 

Yae Miko, I was interested because of her design. She sounds very arrogant and up her own ass, which would have been fine...if she hadn’t given us that god-awful line. “...I have high hopes for you, child. Don’t disappoint me.” Dear lord I wanted to punt her off the mountain. Or fucking what! Also she’s some bigshot priestess of the Sacred Sakura and yet she can’t do her damn job properly. Why couldn’t her arrogant ass come down from her high perch and cleanse the stupid roots? Why did the traveler have to do that shit?

Baal looks dead inside. Booba sword is overrated, get a life. I want a remach! And no cutscene shenanigans this time!

Kujou Sara seems like one of those ‘honor above all else’ characters. Those are either hit or miss with me. You have my attention for now. Also what are those shoes woman?! I’d rather you wear those leg-killing, needle point stilettoes instead of those Wish gag shoes. How in the name of all that is holy can you run in those?!

Thoma, I like him. At first I thought we were gonna get another Childe incident, but Thoma is too much of a innocent puppy to pull anything that horrible. To me he fits a fox a lot better than Childe does. Childe is a dingo and I stand behind that.

Kamisato Ayaka...hate her. At first I was neutral on her. Nothing about her design really spoke to me, but I was willing to wait and see. But then miHoYo started to violently push her friendship at us. We are totally friends now, this is the first time you see my face, but we are so totally friends now. And during her story quest everyone was like “Ah, you are so good Ayaka. You are so nice Ayaka. You are so perfect Ayaka. We all love you so much Ayaka. And oh, how could a mere merchant like myself...” Ew, go away. This is the first time I’m actively not pulling on a character banner. Normally I pull even if I’m not particularly interested in a character, because you never know how good their gameplay is until you take them out in the map. But I think I’ll be skipping this one. No thanks.

.

And now, the worst part, the story.

We’ve been hearing about the situation in Inazuma for a long time. There has been also a lot of talk about how hard it is to get there. About the wall of thunderclouds that surround the islands. So to have it cut to black and then voila Inazuma, feel just so cheap.

I was expecting something. An animation. A struggle. A quest. A minigame. At least show us the horrible weather! Something! Anything!

Hell if they wanted to be assholes about it they could have made it so that if the player fails at this point the ship is damaged, you return to Liyue and have to wait until tomorrow for the ship to be repaired. No Inazuma for today. That sure as hell would have raised the stakes.

The next complaint I have is with Yurika, the 2 milion mora processing fee girl. Later on Thoma mentions that the agency people see the fees as easy money, so her attitude doesn’t make much sense. After all someone like her would want to extract as much money as she can, but you still want the people to be able to pay that.

So it would make more sense to me if she was overly friendly and asked way too many questions. She’d need to get a much information as she can and after all the previous hostility people would be very open with her. So she’d be able to quickly find out why someone is here, what they are selling and roughly how much money they’d be able to pay. A merchant selling expensive silk would have more many than a regular ore merchant. So she’d be able to extract as much money as she could.

“I know this is a lot of money, especially for something so simple, but there is nothing I can do about it. I’m so very sorry.” And people wouldn’t say anything bad to her because she’s the first friendly face they see in Inazuma.

The stealth mission was just god-awful and I hope we never have to do that nonsense again.

Getting off of Ritou was a bit janky at the end, Chisato should have had a better reason for coming along. But I’m honestly just glad we didn’t get out the usual way...getting stuffed in a crate and smuggled out.

As a side note, I’m getting really tired of characters overexplaining things to me, especially Paimon. Dear lord, not everything has to be said, you can leave me to come to my own conclusions and solutions. Just please, who cares if a few player struggle for a bit, you don’t have to hold my hand through the whole thing.

Ayaka’s three were...ugh. It was basic emotional manipulation. Oh no this guy forgot about the love of his life and he’s been waiting for decades. And oh how sad this guy was so good and he helped these people so much but now he can’t remember. And oh the tragedy this guy forgot his life goal and is now hunted by the demons of the past. Oh the humanity! 

And it did not work. Know why? Because I have no emotional investment in any of these people, in this land. What is happening to the vision bearers in Inazuma is tragic, true, but that doesn’t make me want to overthrow the government. I don’t live here. I just got here. I wanna ask a question or two and then move on. None of this concerns me.

I was so happy when the traveler just flat out refused to start a revolution. And then we had to go and meet some people and immediately I knew this was going to be some oh noes the tragedy moments and then we would agree to help them.

It’s so forced.

Wanna know what would have been better?

Just as we are leaving the Kamisato estate Thoma catches up with us. And he tells us he gets it. We are an outsider and this doesn’t concern us. He was hopeful but he expected the denial. We shouldn’t hold it against Ayaka.

He joins us as a guide because he knows of the people we have to meet.

And so as we help these three we also get to know Thoma. We find out he was an outsider too. He got in just before the worst of it started and then he was stuck in Inazuma. He lost someone to the Vision Hunt. They slowly lost their mind after loosing their vision, their ambition too closely tied to their personality to continue without it (what is happening to Domon hits a little too close to home and he has to walk away, this is where we hear the story of the one he lost). And the same would have happened to him if the Kamisatos hadn't taken him in. He owes them his vision, his sanity and his life.

So this rebellion is personal for him.

At the end of the three wishes the atmosphere is somber. We tell him we understand why Ayaka fights, why he fights. We know that this is all wrong, that it should be stopped...but not by us. We came here to get a lead on our brother. And rebellion isn’t an overnight affaire and we can’t loose so much time in Inazuma.

And yeah, he expected as much. He just asks that we let Ayaka down gently. It’d be a shame if someone as idealistic and hopeful as her lost their spark.

And so we are gentle but firm with Ayaka. She looks like she wants to argue with us but Thoma shakes his head at her. So she sighs and tells us that a promise is a promise. We should come to the Komore Teahouse in a few days and she’ll have a plan for us to meet with the Shogun.

Now we can still have a character story quest with Yoimiya and we can still somehow get involved with helping Master Masakatsu, but it’s through Yoimiya instead of Ayaka.

And instead of a character story quest with Ayaka we have one with Thoma. Hell, give him a whole damn hangout event even.

You can probably guess why I’m pushing the friendship with Thoma so much.

Because. He. Gets. Kidnapped. For. The. 100th. Vision. Ceremony. 

And that would have been the perfect emotional in to get us involved in the rebellion. After all we just saw what happens to people who have their visions taken away and we are not letting that happen to Thoma, someone we just got close to.

So Baal makes it personal for us as well.

.

I have a few more minor complaints.

Aoi is stupid for asking for compensation after she tells us everything we needed to know because, ya know, we could have just walked away. We should have.

The whole stupid misunderstanding about the value Kurosawa’s sword holds. Kinda obvious he meant emotional value instead of monetary.

The suspicious amount of visionless NPCs and by that I mean this is the first time we have NPCs with vision. This wouldn’t have been a problem if we’ve seen NPCs with visions in Mond and Liyue.

The whole rebellion camp bit feels incredibly rushed. We just sort of lollygag over there and then there is a fight (against Sara and her stupid shoes).

Don’t make us fight Baal just to force us to lose. It would have been better if we were forced to retreat, because Thoma was injured, because there are too many soldiers for us to handle on our own. Hell, you can have a funny scene where we straight up jump off a cliff with Thoma clinging onto us and screaming bloody murder until he realizes we are slowly gliding away and he’s not about to plummet to his death.

The Sakura cleansing quest should have been voice acted.

The Mirror Maiden and Pyro Agent are totally on a date, I will not be told otherwise.

[fangirlinglikeabus]

in what is quite possibly one of the worst decisions in my life, i’ve decided to read every classic doctor who novelisation, in story order. because i’m incapable of doing anything without recording it, i’m posting my thoughts as i go - whether i liked it, how different it is from the original, if i think it’s worth it. full disclaimer, this won’t be an exhaustive list of changes because i don’t think i know any serial well enough, and my own opinions of the original stories will probably influence how i react to them written down. anyway...here’s season 1 (under a read more because it turns out i have an unfortunate number of opinions on the novelisations of 57 year old episodes)

doctor who and an unearthly child by terrance dicks  i guess if you’re a completionist?? there’s a few minor differences, including the odd decision to change ‘eh? doctor who?’ to ‘eh? foreman?’ and have the doctor introduce himself as the doctor, but honestly this just kinda hammered in the dullness of the caveman plot, and there’s some neat aspects of the first episode, like the pov shots, that are lost by just slavishly converting What Happens into text. end result is something i found significantly less interesting than the original! feat. the complete absence of susan’s flaming-skull-torch scene, barbara being described as ‘bossy’, and the narrative voice lumping barbara and susan in as ~the girls~ even though one of them is a grown woman and the other’s teacher. also really wish terrance dicks had cut out the racist line about native americans!

doctor who and the daleks by david whitaker oh god, this is so much better just on a ‘feels like an actual book that can stand on its own’ level. it also changes a lot more, including adding a new opening (which actually makes the doctor creepier because it takes place far away from housing so ian and barbara have a much greater reason to suspect him) and fleshing out the final invasion sequence a bit. susan also goes by ‘susan english’ in this because apparently whitaker decided that foreman was too subtle. we get some ian/barbara stuff here but personally i wasn’t too into it: they don’t know each other before the book starts and whitaker introduces some weird arguing drama i don’t care about or understand, so a lot of the appeal of their relationship (imo) wasn’t there, and unfortunately that made for some frustrating reading that hurt my enjoyment of this. speaking of our favourite schoolteachers, it’s from ian’s pov, so scenes without him are either cut out completely or told to him later on. this book also made me pick up a lot more on how masculinity is coded in the story (not really a fan of that!), but unfortunately even in print i can’t tell any of the thals apart. 

the edge of destruction by nigel robinson full disclaimer i am 100% biased because edge of destruction is one of my favourite season one stories, but i really liked this. mostly changes are just adding bits onto scenes (barbara’s ‘how dare you’ speech gets lengthened for one - pretty sure it adds some of her lines from an unearthly child but i’m not certain) but it also adds entirely new stuff which takes us deeper into the tardis than they could on tv (for obvious budgetary reasons). plus we get a bit of a recap of what’s come before, and apparently susan doesn’t know who dickens is. there’s a few bits which i feel were a bit overexplained (we can probably extrapolate the doctor was ‘furious at his ability being called into question’ without being told) and the opening doesn’t quite have the confusing energy of the tv version’s imo, but overall a pretty well realised novelisation - although it does have the recurring ‘girls’ problem which i complained about with dicks, and there’s this weird uncomfortable bit at the beginning where susan’s appearance gets compared to that of an east asian person in a way that struck me as orientalist.

marco polo by john lucarotti this ABSOLUTELY highlighted that apparently the details of marco polo don’t stick with me too well. i think it’s mostly following the script, which is fine, because lucarotti at least doesn’t feel like he’s phoning it in a la terrance dicks’ an unearthly child, although there were a few bizarre uses of indirect speech (like it would just switch in the middle of the character talking), as though he was hurrying onto the next bit. we get a brand new-ish opening, which is understandable because obviously these novels weren’t serialised to go one after the other like the television series. the big change that stood out for me is that ping-cho gets an Actual Love Interest, and unfortunately it isn’t susan :(

doctor who and the keys of marinus by philip hinchcliffe hinchcliffe writing this is so odd to me. it’s like if they got barry letts to novelise the happiness patrol or something. ANYWAY keys is terry nation’s best contribution to doctor who, and also happens to be my favourite of the season, but this doesn’t add much particularly - apart from, bizarrely, giving altos long blond hair. there is absolutely no plot motivation for this, he just looks like that now. hinchcliffe has some nice descriptive passages, but i’m also pretty sure ian didn’t slap barbara in the original and he does here so uh. that’s kinda bad.

the aztecs by john lucarotti same weird thing with indirect speech, but this one definitely benefits from being 3 episodes shorter than the last story lucarotti novelised. there’s a lot more detail gone into about aztec culture and details which is nice and interesting, definitely the thing that stood out most for me here and i think it’s almost worth reading the book for that alone. uh...aztec warriors wear less than they could probably get away with on screen so ian goes around shirtless if you’re into that? we have some stuff about gods which is fine and interesting until it veers into stuff i suspect may be putting christianity on a pedestal a bit - that’s not great given the colonial context! - and tlotoxl has gone full shakespeare’s richard iii with a hunchback and limp which smacks of ableism to me and isn’t fun at all. oh yeah, and the doctor’s ‘i made some cocoa and got engaged’ line had the wording changed so like...what’s the point. 

the sensorites by nigel robinson i mean i guess?? i actually like the sensorites quite a lot, and this is competent as an adaptation, but it also genuinely doesn’t add much to the story apart from a few nice descriptions and some (sigh) much less nice orientalism. remember that description of susan in the edge of destruction? the sentiment’s back with ‘asiatic’, and the sensorites come in for a bit of it too. overall not one of the greats of these books and tbh i don’t really have much to say about it either!

the reign of terror by ian marter so, funny thing about this one, it was written before anything about translation circuits was canonised, and to get round that...ian marter just decides that everyone in the tardis crew starts speaking french. barbara’s better at it than ian, apparently. as a story it doesn’t really add much, although i do really like marter’s descriptive passages. it does double down on the gaoler’s creepiness, including him leching at susan, but that’s not a fun addition! i found the plot a bit easier to follow when it was set down in prose honestly, even if it did make me notice more the dismissive way the lower class revolutionaries were treated at the beginning - they’re drunk, or slovenly - but i think that anxiety about the descent into chaos is common to a lot of french revolution stories. 

[americas-saboteur]

I promised Id do this, heres quick first thoughts

this is based on the cbs writeups, not on anything that has been recorded. its also not based on any reveals the tag has made, im not taking that into consideration as this isnt me deciding who to root for. because im not officially picking anyone yet. this will be 90% strategy, 10% "are they annoying"

Azah has a pretty solid strategy. I think if she can get a small loyal group together she could make it far. my big worry is the usual tbqh, that she will be targeted early because shes genuinely considering her own game. also thank you for the no showmances.

Christian annoys the fuck out of me already. i dont mind a sort of floater/rat strategy, but the way he answered makes me feel like hes making excuses already for not doing anything. i just....dont trust anyone who starts a strategy conversation with "I am a joy".

Hannah's answer is long and i dig it? i initially only got the first paragraph and wanted to write her off, but reading the whole thing...i think i could see myself doing something similar, so i like it a lot. I support tactful blood bathing.

Brent has a similar issue to christian. I dont HATE him, but it feels like hes going in with overconfidence. Overdoing it with proving you have charm buddy, and since thats your strategy i dont have much else to say....

Britini seems excited, which is cool. but it doesnt sound like she has a solid strategy other than "win comps, say im making moves" which...fine. im hoping its more of an "assess once we get in there" thing.

Derek F is smart in getting to know people personally. a personal connection makes it harder to vote someone out, so i have a lot more confidence in his confidence than other houseguests.

Frenchie....ok before we get into strategy, who the fuck describes themselves as supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. who describes themselves as a nonsense word. already hate him for that. but beyond that, im glad he acknowledges that setting a strategy wouldnt benefit him right away. what does a farmer have to do with that? idk, but i hope he isnt horrible. glad he doesnt want to get famous, like i genuinely like when people make that point.

Travis kinda goes between Brent and Derek F for me. like his confidence doesnt feel forced, but it does feel overexplained. It sounds like the pranks might be part of strategy if hes putting the blame on other people, so as long as they arent annoying im ok with him.

Alyssa seems to want a well rounded game, but she feels like shes going to do a big group sort of thing. and i dont like that as a viewer. i worry that she would get lost in that group once the house gets more empty, so i guess we will see how that turns out. I dont get wanting first hoh or wanting to be like tyler, but i guess you do you.

Tiffany's strategy is short, sweet, and to the point. i dont have much to go on, but ngl her willingness to try slop could weirdly help her? theres almost nothing in the small sample of her bio, unlike the others i actually read the full one and i didnt get much more. im gonna pretend i didnt see her fave duo.

Xavier seems enthusiastic. smart to not want to win comps unless necessary, smart to not play personal. beyond that i dont have any strong thoughts

Claire is a fan and i love that. sounds like she knows what to say to excite other fans, the important strategy points to make the game better. i just hope she can actually deliver on these, that it doesnt backfire on anyone. also please cause disruptions, thats entertainment and can be strategic.

Sarah, if i remember, is the weeb people were talking about. which....love that, love seeing people who have similar interests to me in the game. but also im glad shes upfront and says the word "float". we know its not accidental, so i can respect it a lot more.

Whitney is pretty alright. i like that she wants to start strong, and that she doesnt have extreme details for a strategy, but i dont know what i think. Derek X could go either way. He looks like he could be fun, i genuinely hope he doesnt get lost in the crowd and eliminated early. His strategy is primarily social, but like in a more influential way and i hope he manages that tbqh.

Kyland seems prepared and enthusiastic, which is good. the specific references to different players strategies makes me more confident in him than others, like some people vaguely referenced another player, dropped a name, or mentioned them as a favorite, but hes pulling out specifics. my main worry is that he will play too hard too fast. or that he wont be able to deliver this (same worry as claire)

Overall im tired of seeing derrick and cody referenced in peoples bio but at the same time thats what cbs wants, so its what we get. and it makes sense, since they are part of the more modern game. as much as i love old school BB it makes sense to consider strategy from more recent stuff since you are more likely to experience those sorts of situations. being prepared is more important than getting old school points if you want to win. but gods i hate derrick and cody.

[ship-ambrosia]

Dimimari Week Day 4 - Seasons (The Goddess’s Reply)

Summary: Marianne's first year living in Faerghus.

AO3: Lucky Charm Chapter 4

I'm particularly excited about this prompt, because I think it's kinda a different style than I usually write. It was also the first idea I came up with for the week.

By the way i know you probably shouldnt overexplain everything, but the title comes from the dimitri/marianne A support where marianne wonders "if this is the goddess telling me i should make something of myself?" dimitri says "that must be why the goddess allows me to live on" and dimitri ends the support with "i promise to the goddess of fodlan that i will never give you cause to despair" So i just kinda thought of this happiness being "the goddess's reply" to their questions and prayers

  The war ended in the eighth month of the year. The Verdant Rain Moon.

  Marianne moved into Fhirdiad Palace the following spring. The flowers of the city were beginning to bud, the cold northern air of Faerghus making one last attempt to deliver the snow. Marianne had only ever seen Fhirdiad in chaos, Cornelia’s Tripp’s and mechanical abominations standing in their way as they raced through the capital to confront her. It was like an entirely different city now. Fhirdiad was a famously clean and beautiful city, and she was happy to see it this way now. It was a wonderful distraction as she came to terms with her responsibilities as the future queen of the united Fodlan.

  For some reason, she hadn’t thought of what falling in love with Dimitri would actually entail; or perhaps she had been avoiding it. Dimitri was a kind, just man, who had faced his own darkness, the horrible things that plagued his mind, and overcome them. He deserved to become king of course, and she would never convince him otherwise. But she, becoming queen... left her increasingly nervous.

  Dimitri had a lot to take care of as well, now that he was to be king, a lot of things needed to be fixed after the war and though he had begun them almost immediately, he was gone from the palace for long periods of time. Her heart aches for him, wishing she could come along but he was worried about leaving the palace empty, and so she and Dedue spent much time together as they waited for the most important person in their lives to come home.

  When he did come home though, those were the best days. She enjoyed nothing more than when he would lead her around the city, showing her the places that meant the most to him and meeting the people. Fhirdiad was beautiful, with its aqueducts just as decorative as they were functional in keeping the water supply clean, to the vast garden as they bloomed over the weeks. She never fell into a rhythm, every day felt brand new; every moment spent with Dimitri felt like she was falling in love all over again.

~

  Summer came to Fhirdiad warmer than she had expected, and Marianne felt the teeniest twinge of homesickness. She and Dimitri traveled to Leicester so they could reunite with friends, and see the city of Derdriu once again. Upon returning, Marianne was surprised to find her awe with Fhirdiad had not faded, still as captivated by the northern city’s beauty and life as before. She was starting to see herself live here, the role of queen still frightening but something she found herself proud of.

  Summer was when the people of Faerghus really came alive, and she spent much of her time traveling around the former country. She was scared to meet the nobles of the west in particular, to get them to accept her as the queen, though much of the nobles in the east were her friends - Felix and Sylvain, respectively, were rising to the heads of both their Houses, which happened to be two of the most powerful in the former borders of Faerghus. With their support, she felt she could lift her chin a little bit higher.

  Mercedes and Annette insisted they be present at every step of the way that Marianne was fitted for her wedding gown, which began around this time. Every thought of being wed to Dimitri sent her blushing like a lovesick schoolgirl, and listening to the dressmakers and her friends made her feel like she was going to combust. She had never imagined herself marrying happily, always assumed it would be an arrangement to benefit her adoptive father. When she returned home to Dimitri after those visits she would hold him and cry; they were happy tears, as she thought about differently her life was now than she had imagined back then.

  Their relationship itself too, changed with the change in season. Sweet and tempered in the spring, like how the world was poised to bloom. In the summer they naturally progressed into something a little more heated. This was such uncharted territory for both of them, exploring new avenues of their feelings for one another, but it never felt wrong.

~

  As the leaves began to change color, the people of the country got to work harvesting the fields and Marianne had to prepare once more for celebration. It was a joyous time as people all across Fodlan celebrated their good harvests going into winter. A little over a full year had passed since the end of the war, and it seemed like the scars it had left had truly begun to heal. It was one of the best harvest years in all of recorded history, as though the goddess, wherever she may be, was celebrating with them.

  But all the time of bliss they had witnessed in this new year had spoiled them, made them forget what obstacles they still had to overcome. The war was still fresh in everyone’s minds, the scars still there. In late autumn after the leaves had begun falling, a handful of Faerghus’s western nobles attempted a coup. Dimitri was joined by Felix and Sylvain to quell the uprising, though Dimitri was injured in the fighting. It felt as though all of Fhirdiad was holding its breath as he was returned home not on horseback but in a medical carriage, the death of their previous king still fresh in everyone’s mind. The presence of their queen-to-be as a specialist in healing magic did little to calm the anxieties of the city, but Marianne thought that fitting as she was equally as upset each day as she cared for him. She saw flashes of the madness he had gone through returning, knowing full well that the entire battle itself had reminded him of the day in Duscur that he lost so many people he had loved. The wound in his mind affected him more than the wound in his chest, and so Marianne stayed by his side, that he might remember all that they had both fought so hard for.

~

  And Dimitri recovered, by the time Faerghus’s chilling winds had brought snow back to the city. He walked out onto the balcony of the palace, and the people of Fhirdiad had gathered in the streets for him, just as they had after he had retaken the capital from Cornelia a year ago. After all the suffering she had known he went through in the past month, at his bedside the entire time, there was nothing that could have prepared her for the rush of emotions that overcame her when she saw Dimitri smiling at the people of Fhirdiad. Ever the intense empathetic soul he was, Dimitri immediately scooped her up into his arms, in front of everyone. Her first real large gathering in the palace, and everyone saw her crying and clinging to Dimitri.

  On the bright side, such a sight made Dimitri and Marianne’s relationship incredibly popular across all of Fodlan, when news spread that Marianne had personally tended to him and not left his side. Dimitri’s more... savvy advisors touted that seeing Marianne express such raw emotion made her seem more human to their subjects, or something like that. Considering she had only really been with Dimitri in public during small festivals or meetings, she assumed everyone by now knew she was just very nervous at the prospect of being a queen. What else could she be but human? She didn’t like his political advisors very much.

  The entire kingdom’s joy in Dimitri’s recovery carried to his birthday, where celebrations rang out all across the country and once again, Marianne found herself traveling with him. Her emotional outburst had made her the center of attention, and suddenly everyone wanted to know about her. Certainly, she knew her adoptive father must be enjoying his own fame, as her home in a former Leicester territory was quite well known. She was just happy that the western lords, whom Dimitri had been quite light on their punishment when considering the trouble they caused, were clearly not as popular as they thought they were. House Rowe, who had once been the major power in the region, now bowed the knee to House Gaspard, led by Ashe.

  Between parties, Dedue told her that Dimitri was glad the rest of Fodlan was finally seeing her as he saw her, though it made him a bit jealous that her attention was constantly being taken away by someone else. She resolved to do something with this information.

  They got on a horse together and rode off early in the morning one day, making tracks in the fresh blanket of snow. Though the path was covered, Dimitri knew it by heart as these were the trails he had rode as a boy, sometimes with Felix, Sylvain, and Ingrid, sometimes alongside Gilbert and Glenn, and other times by himself. And they spent the day in the snow, laughing and twirling, throwing snow at one another, that surely if any onlooker did not know this was the king and future queen of Fodlan, didn’t know of the darkness that either of them had pushed their way out of and overcome, would probably have just rolled their eyes at two young, foolish lovers. Because certainly that was how Marianne felt as she danced around her first real snowfall of Faerghus.

  When Dimitri kissed her, it all came rushing back. Everything they had been through, everything they had suffered and all the people they had lost, all the victories and the relief when it was all over. All the ways her life had changed just by knowing him. And Marianne smiled, because even though she was still scared about it all, he would be there.

~

  And then the snow started to melt, the trees began to bud again. At the beginning of spring a year after she had moved to Fhirdiad, Marianne and Dimitri were wed to begin their lives together and guide the people of Fodlan beyond the war that had once divided them.

[reblogthiscrapkay]

Some Thoughts on “Hadestown” and the Tony Awards

I do not claim to be an oracle of who will win the Tonys but here are my ideas, culled from a lot of time spent online reading hot takes and the smaller theater award winners, discussions with my two biggest theater friends who I have been discussing theater with for over 12 years, and also brief chatting with an acquittance who is Tony-nominated adjacent (one day, she will have her own instead of just getting mentioned in speeches!).

Here are what I think the odds are of "Hadestown" winning Tonys.

Best Musical

"Hadestown" has a really good chance of winning but it is by no means guaranteed. Mostly everyone thinks it's going to come down to "Hadestown" or "Tootsie." No one is talking about "Ain't Too Proud", "Beetlejuice" doesn't seem to be a viable candidate (described by my friend as fun but nothing to write home about), and "The Prom" seems to only be really endorsed by the New York Times writers who have an unreasonable amount of power when it comes to what goes to Broadway (they are why "Hadestown" got changed so much and why "Fortress of Solitude," the best musical you've never heard of, never went to Broadway) but not necessarily the deciding vote.

The thing here is really whether the voters want to go safe and traditional with "Tootsie" or new and unique with "Hadestown." In the past few years, they have definitely tended towards the new and unique, but they also have a clear bias against sung-through musicals (see 2017 when "Come From Away" won Best Director but lost Best Musical to "Dear Evan Hansen" in spite of doing really well at the smaller awards). "Hamilton" is a recent exception to this but "Hamilton" was an exception in so many ways.

Overall "Hadestown" is the better show. Both shows have issues with their books but "Tootsie" is tighter and also less interesting. And "Hadestown" has vastly better music. Personally, I'll be surprised if "Tootsie" wins but these kinds of things have happened before.

Best Director

Basically everyone seems to say it will be Rachel Chavkin even if they don't think "Hadestown" will win best musical, and this is very interesting to me as someone who knows a bit more about the interworkings of the Oscars than the Tonys. The Oscars have done this weird and possibly bad thing a lot over the last few years where they give Best Direction to the most artistic and interesting film but Best Picture to whatever movie they enjoyed the most. Last year this was painfully obvious with Alfonso Curon winning for his direction for "Roma" but "Green Book" winning Best Picture. The Tonys don't do this as they usually give both to the same show or they give direction to a revival that will then win Best Revival. But again, 2017 this changed.

That being said "Oklahoma!" seems like the only real competitor here and if Daniel Fish wins over Rachel, I'd be okay with it. "Oklahoma!" was a revelation (and better win Best Revival over "Kiss Me Kate").

Best Book

Here's one where I think "Hadestown" is likely to lose. First of all, the book of "Hadestown" is messy. I love "Hadestown," it's probably my favorite musical of all time, but the book is messy. There are places that are overexplained and a lot of imbalance in how the themes are woven into the story (while still being totally brillant but yeah). There are things that should have been fixed in all the transfers, but they weren't, and it started to feel a bit like writing wack-a-mole following this show since the New York Theatre Workshop.

Also a lot of people find "Hadestown" confusing, which is a problem, but I find this is often a problem of people not being good readers more than anything having to do with the show.

Additionally, Tony voters have no idea what the book is with a sung-through musical. Basically, they don't think there is one. Dialogue is only part of what makes the book, guys.

"Tootsie" will probably win instead. It's got a very tight script and is truthfully very funny. Even though there are as many oops-you-should-edit moments as in "Hadestown," the comedy and the appeal to the particular demographic they were shooting for will win it.

Best Original Score

I feel like "Hadestown" has this one locked down. Even people who find the show incomprehensible seem to love the music. David Yazbek won last year for "Band's Visit" (a vastly better show than "Tootsie") so it's safe to say he's out of the running. I've got nothing else here.

Best Orchestrations

"Hadestown" has a damn good chance here too. Its music is one of its strongest qualities, and if you compare the NYTW to the Broadway in terms of orchestration, there's a lot going on here and it's all good. "Oklahoma!" is a potential opponent because of how they managed to change around the original to make it all read so much better to a modern audience.

Best Performance By An Actress In A Leading Role

I'm going to say Eva has only a 25% chance of winning. Stephanie J. Block seems to be a likely winner because of her previous nominations and the fact that the Tonys often give out awards for career work instead of the single show they are in. Otherwise, "The Cher Show." Really. Some people think Kelli O'Hara has a chance because the Tony voters love their generic starlets but since she's already got a Tony, I think Stephanie and Eva are much more likely competitors. "The Prom" girls seem to cancel each other out (more on the canceling effect two categories below).

If Eva wins I will be PUMPED, but I'm not counting on it.

Best Performance By An Actress In A Featured Role

Everything here comes down to Amber Gray versus Ali Stoker. The "Tootsie" actresses cancel each other out (more on the canceling effect one category below), but Ali is far and away a standout over Mary Testa. To quote my acquaintance, "Amber Gray will win because she's the most interesting woman on Broadway, like how Katrina Lenk won last year." I think she could be right here, but I will propose an additional theory for why Amber may win: Amber originated a role, one she has been working on for years. Ali stole the show in "Oklahoma!" but she stole the show with a classic show stealing role. Also, because those voters like career work, Amber has been around longer (although she wasn't nominated, she was the best thing about "Natasha Pierre" for me). Ali is young and at this point mostly known for her small role in Deaf West's "Spring Awakening."

Ali will be a Tony winner. Maybe this Sunday. Maybe in a few years. If she wins I'll be happy for her and there's no denying she will deserve the award, but I'm rooting for Amber.

Best Performance By An Actor In A Featured Role

I have gone on a journey with this category. Let me start by saying it seems like Andre DeShields will win. Now let me back up and tell you the long adventure I went on to conclude this.

I have now mentioned "canceling out" a lot, which has a tendency to happen with shows where multiple people are nominated (usually in acting). The important thing to note is that just because two people are in the same category does not mean they automatically cancel each other. Daveed Diggs won for featured actor for "Hamilton" over his costars Chris Jackson and Jon Groff, and there's a clear reason why: of the three he was the standout. He was the most dynamic and had the meatiest role. This only works when there isn't an obvious winner in that show. And this is why figuring out this category has been so damn difficult and I still may be wrong.

Originally one of my friends said he thought Andre and Patrick Page would cancel each other out and that the two guys nominated for "Ain't Too Proud" would cancel each other out and we would have the award going to the guy from "Tootsie" (sorry I don't have the names, but for the reference that guy was literally my favorite thing about "Tootsie"). I initally argued that while both "Hadestown" guys do clearly dominate the category in general, Patrick could win because he plays a dynamic character while Andre plays a static one. My friend countered that the Tony voters really love narrator characters, and well, he's right. This idea was expanded by my other friend who pointed out that Andre opens and closes the show and has a lot of the theme-dropping lines, while Patrick doesn't make his entrance until halfway through Act One and that this leaves an impression.

But ultimately it probably comes down to this: career. Andre will get the award because of his career. Every middle aged gay man I've spoken to who didn't understand the show was very proud to tell me that they saw him in "Ain't Misbehavin" in the 70s (to which I said I saw him in "Fortress of Solitude" a few years ago as a jest that none of them seemed to be amused by).

The canceling theory may still play here, but it's hard for me to imagine that the award won't at least go to one of the "Hadestown" guys.

Best Scenic Design, Best Costume Design, Best Choreography

I'm talking about these three together because my explanation for all three is basically the same. In all three of these categories, "Hadestown" feels like an underdog because it is not flashy in the way shows like "Beetlejuice" or "King Kong" are. They don't have the grandiosity or diversity of costumes of "The Cher Show" or the traditional choreography of "Tootsie."

But "Hadestown" is literally creating a time and place that doesn't really exist; it's not even fantasy, just otherworldliness. The scenic design and costumes anchor you in a place that is like our world but isn't and everything about the choices made, from the shifting set to the details of the costumes, is meant to create this place of kinda New Orleans, kinda 1930s, but also kinda anywhere and now. If "Hadestown" wins scenic design or costume design it will be very deserved and very unconventional.

The choreography has a similar effect. The only real 'dance' numbers are "Living It Up On Top" which is very traditional, "Way Down Hadestown" which feels more frenetic and unplanned, and "Lover's Desire" which is literally a slow dance. The thing is, the choreography throughout the show tells you so much about characters, what they are thinking, and how they are feeling in a way traditional choreography doesn't. Interesting enough Amber Gray was nominated for a dance award for the show. Like with scenic design and costume design, if "Hadestown" wins it will be deserved but a bit uexpected.

Best Lighting Design

Those "Wait For Me" lights will probably win them this Tony but it's worth acknowledging that this show has a lot of amazing lighting design from those swinging lights to the lanterns the Fates use to how Eurydice is able to disappear with the use of light, smoke, and turntable, to the lights of Hadestown, to those colored lights in "How Long" that I am now weirdly obsessed with. But those swinging lights are so iconic that they just might win it on that alone.

Best Sound Design

I know nothing about sound design and no one else seems to either. I noticed some sound design. I also noticed some sound design in "Oklahoma!" I don't know anyone who saw "King Kong" or "Ain't Too Proud." Who knows.

[princess-pill-enjoyer]

Misc: My profile theme, music, and my identity (+ about 1000 other things..)

Definitely wouldn't be offended if this an easy skip for most. It is.. a hot mess, long and not particularly interesting. If you ain't supremely bored, you probably'd be better off not being curious on this one T^T

But hey I did enjoy writing it and I'm sure someday I at the very least will enjoy reading this so for me that's enuff boxes checked off to post 🤷‍♀️

This is another long post ngl. I've been on and off (mostly on 😭) writing since I woke up at like 11 am and its now 11pm. I wrote a few diff things so this one aint 12 full hours of writing or anything but I will admit it has been a long ass time on this one. Sorry in advance. i always seem to write a lot a lot when shit gets bumpy with R. Not even between us necessarily and the junk I be writing about don't be about her at all half the time I just be overexplaining and randomly going from topic wayyyyy worse than normal for some reason. I genuinely do not know why I'm like this bruh I used to write a little whiny vent note here and there pre R but now if i don't have one strict topic I'm talking/explaining I will write about any and everything that comes to mind as I'm going.

Oh god.. Me bringing this up reminds me of when she first said we had to talk less and I went nuts. That shit was so ghetto I deadass got fucked up on dxm so I'd stop freaking out over her dipping then DURINGGG the high I realized I was in love. I think after prolly.. 4ish hours of being like uh.. yeah there's no reason for me to be that damn tore up over us simply not talking as often... or her going through a breakup...... literally figured it out at the worst possibly time. THEN I was worried I just felt that way cause of the high so I just started writing everything out figuring like it'd wear off at some point when I was writing so I could see how I talked about it all throughout.

...which led me to write for damn near 24 hours straight....

I literally didn't sleep, eat, or do literally anything else for at least a good 16ish hours then took a small break cause I had to put away groceries and i got a single thing of pita bread, ate that shit plain, then got back to it. Lord looking back on that is so weird. I don't know what possessed me bruh I think I took another break around the 24 hour mark, either ate or sat there thinking for prolly.. an hour? 30 mins? Then did ANOTHER 12 hours of babbling. I had been using that notes app for literal years with no issue. But ofc.. all that time of writing straight had it crash on me a few times with one time wiping hourssss of writing. I wasn't saving all too often not thinking nothing of it but that shit crashed and I lost like 36k chars worth of junk and that changed ASAP. Plus.. I learned the shit had an 100k limit... so that was fun.

See? Overexplaining and RAMBLING. Deadass went from writing a quick head's up on the length of this post to talking about my weird ass drug induced love note shit. Why am i like this. ;-;

Anyway. Past this point is past me. Sorry for getting carried away in the warning

I wrote about this in a previous post but essentially, some random got the wrong idea and thought I was using Juice as my pfp as some sort of mockery? joke? i dunno

shits totally understandable and I'm sure anyone would figure out that ain't my intention after looking at my page for about .2 seconds. i mean.. if I were using him as the butt of some sort of joke you'd figure I'd mention it or something lol. Maybe that's only obvious to me though..

Anyway, I may change it to something new. I usually change my pfps for stuff fairly frequently if I'm on it a lot. When me and R were on the phone 24/7 I used to change my disc pfp at least 2-3 times within a 2 week period 😭

I dunno though I mean.. on one hand I don't really want this page to have all too many of my interests on it as for one I'm trying to stay at least semi anonymous but also I feel like it'd kinda be odd.. The Juice profile pic is one thing, as I listen to him all the damn time and I relate to a lot of his work. But I dunno.. wouldn't it be weird if I suddenly just changed my profile picture to a character that I like just cause they're cool? Wouldn't my page be more memorable if I have like. MY pfp MY username MY bio. Sorry it's hard to explain..

Like.. youtubers. They usually have a pfp and they keep it as that same one and people remember and recognize them off it. Or a few other types of influencers honestly. I feel like it's one thing when it's a personal acc where you really don't need people to recognize you off your pfp or user cause they'd just know you but my acc is kinda a grey area. I know damn well I ain't an influencer but I ain't exactly someone you'd just remember.

Maybe I'll compromise and only use Juice pictures.. I dunno

Speaking of Juice, I feel like now that I've been getting worse and worse his music became so much more relatable. I can't tell you how many times I've cried with my earbuds blaring 27 club. I wish I could share it all. I've never been a huge stickler for lyrics but growing up and going from understanding the story of a song to relating and living though the situations described has hit me so hard. I'm sure it ain't exactly a unique experience but still. It'd be cool to share my music and be able to talk about how I use each playlist and what it makes me think/feel

I would just link my spotify and keep it moving but ya know. More puzzle pieces of my identity

I think if I ever permanently kick the habit I might reveal myself but thats honestly a strooong maybe. I dunno like it aint so much of being ashamed/embarrassed of my addiction. Although, I won't exactly go around telling any and everyone I'm addicted to fucking otc allergy meds. i think R is the only one that knows specifically that I take dph. Everyone else I either never mention getting high or if I have I've only talked about weed highs. It just feels embarrassing given it's horrible hallucinatory effects on most people. While I don't get those, how th would they know that you know? 9 times out of 10 they're gonna google that shit, see mfs talking about having ghost conversations and the gosh dang hatman, then gon look at me crazy for continuing to take it over and over again. So yeah definitely a big factor, but I am honestly more worried about some concerned stranger finding my social media and telling my family/friends about this page or about my problem. That is my worst fear.

For one, this page is basically a diary. I go into specifics on shit that I would never tell anyone. Not that I'm particularly tooo ashamed of the shit I say about my personal life but

-A lot of it is not meant to be shit that just anyone knows. It's one thing when I'm just writing to the abyss/random strangers that wouldn't know who I'm talking about but if my family/friends were able to access this I'd have to be so much more guarded and careful about what I say on here cause they could more than likely guess or already know who I'm talking about

-Some of it is shit that I never want to discuss. I don't think I went too in detail on family dynamics but I don't even wanna bother opening that can of worms I'd rather pretend with everyone else that there is no issue and just do me once I leave

-Plus a lot of it is hypercritical shit I shouldn't even be thinking, let alone talking about. Just imagine finding out that one of your friends was out here telling everybody and they grandma that your boyfriend fucking sucks and you are clearly being blinded by their love for them? Or talking about how you know they won't last? Just like.. okay for one, even if they were right, you're not going to see it that way. You're gonna be questioning why they were doubting your relationship first and foremost but then I mean.. who wants to hear that? They're probably gonna tell you less about it and it'll strain yalls relationship, if not end it right then and there. Then by the time you can see it for what it is, it's 3 years later and it'd be awkward to become friends again

It does suck though. It would be real cool to make friends with someone cause of all my word vomit filled posts. I would love to show everyone all the shit I like to do in my freetime and beg everyone them cat/dog/literally pet pictures. Plus like, I dunno ever since R's been in my life I've learned to love any and all types of friendship

I used to be so offended when I'd have friendships that I only can get so close with. I'm so used to putting my all into all friendships and making sure to do whatever I can for them as long as it ain't hella inconvenient cause I always assumed that because I do, they'd do the same. But after seeing friendship after friendship fading as soon as I wasn't doing all that I used to be so mad. I felt like an outcast. But I think going through that time where my bsf and I were constantly texting or otp it made me a lot less available as far as doing all that extra to maintain friendships. I would be so focused on her I would damn near forget about talking with anyone. But even once we had to distance from each other some, I was still used to how I treated my other friends

I tried to cling to my less close friends trying to create that 100% on both sides thing but it kinda got.. hard. Ofc, the inevitable mental comparisons were nonstop. Literally couldn't breathe without thinking oh but if me and R were doing this I'd be comfy doing this or oh my god this game is borin if R were here we would prolly be doing our own thing by now and just talk instead or bruh I am literally on hour 459 of bubbly me if R was here I could probably get away with listening to whatever was going on in the background that day 💀💀💀

After I started doing that and started understanding my feelings, I kinda saw that I didn't even really want that sort of comfort with anyone else cause I didn't want them to expect all that and put me in a position where if me and my bsf started to talk more I'd be putting them on the backburner out of nowhere. I didn't think it would be fair of me you know? i don't want them to feel abandoned and unless Im in a place where I feel comfortable to not have to be one specific way with you I would prefer being alone anyway.

But feeling that way now made me see that it didn't really have to be one or the other. I've seen that no one really minded when I responded a bit late cause I was busy with R. And I would run to her with all my emotion stuff so I wasn't all too bothered if they never inquired about mine. And thennnnn I randomly got this dm from this girl I talked to when I was still at my dorm and that's when I really learned the joy of that shit

Hm ig you wouldn't really need to know specifics on that for the point I was tryna make. Maybe I'll talk about her someday. But yeah it was just so nice like. Hey I don't need you to be savior mode, human notepad mode, or hehe haha everything funny mode 24/7. We aren't close and you and I both know that. We can just have our fun when we happen to remember each other's existence and come back 8 mo later like nothing ever happened

Don't get me wrong, I love R so much and I love that we go out the way to talk to each other every day no matter what. It makes me feel really good to know that even with us not being able to be as close with each other now she still makes sure we don't lose contact with each other. Things are really different now and ofc I still miss how it was before but knowing that we can both acknowledge that our friendship had to change but still caring enough for each other to put in the effort to evolve into something else rather than letting it all go because it aint the same is something that is so precious. I wouldn't trade that for the world. But at the same point I've grown to love casual friends sm.

It's nice to not always worry about how they're gonna think if i do xyz or I don't reach out every so and so many days. I don't always need to hide or do the absolute most to maintain the friendship we can just enjoy each others company for a bit then go back on our separate ways til we reach out again. No hard feelings if we ignore a text or answer late cause we genuinely have no idea what we do on the day to day. And the pressure of only being one specific way with them gets lesser and lesser the longer yall stay apart inbetween. I think the biiggest example of that is this one long term but shallow friendship with this one girl I met in 9th grade that one year I lived in arizona.

I used hate that since I just got there she had all these older friends that she would talk diff to and generally be more close with. I thought once I moved back to Michigan we'd stop talking after a year or two and we weren't all tooo close so I didn't think nothing of it. But then I think like.. prolly 8ish months after that we started talking talking then we stopped. Then prolly another 6 mo later we did it again. And we just kept on doing that again and again and again. It used annoy me cause it felt like she only would remember my existence to tell me about her breaking up with one dude and getting with another or house drama or all that junk. It didn't help that she joked about my life being dry allllll the damn time too so I felt like she only talked to me to judge me and tell me all this shit as if I was supposed to gawk at all of it cause I didn't do anything intresting in her opinion. It didn't help that I never really felt comfortable telling her about any fr fr struggles i was having cause of how I thought she perceived me

It all came to a head when she got mad at me for pointing out that cycle one of these days. I think she texted me soon soon after all that shit with R was going down so I was salty already offrip. She usually starts texting first talking about some bruhhh YOU NEVER TEXT MEEE which this time was a lie. When we got back cool cool a few months back we started to taper off again. This time tho I made sure to text more often during that thinking things would ramp back up if I put more effort into showing I didn't forget her. It didnt really help as she was being dry 95% of the time so I stopped after like a month. I said that and kinda passive aggressively said that we do this all the time lets just get to the catching up part. Which was true but at the same point, so rude. I was still under that impression that she was gonna judge me and I felt like I had so much to look down on so I just was overly defensive and hostile for no damn reason

We skipped talking that time around which was honestly fair. I thought we'd never talk again after that and I forgot it even happened ngl. But then like 2 mo later she reached out again and with my new perspective on friendships I really saw it for what it was. I mean sure, she can be kind of a dick sometimes and she is kinda a magnet for drama at times cause she is pretty impulsive at times which leads her to speak before she thinks on shit but like.. she never means any harm you know? And plus, she is so caring bruh. Literally would do whatever she needs to for her friends. I genuinely forgot this happened but when my old job fired me for not attending this mandatory meeting on my day off (a blessing in disguise tbh I was thinking about quitting anyway) she was SWIFTTT to do a fake review on they shit. I'm sitting there like bruh chill it aint even that deep and by the time I got that out she already wrote a damn review saying they had shitty customer service (which was actually true lmao), racist ass manager (lowkey true as well 💀💀💀) and they ice cream be tasting like CARBOARD (now that I couldn't even support they shit be good good T^T)

Getting close with R and slowing down to where we are now showed me there's alot more to friendship's than opening up about each and every secret you've ever had you know? I still consider R my best friend, even with us not talking as much, both us not being as open, or us not hanging out as much. That all sounds like we don't even like each other more damn wth. LOOKKKK. Sure, there are times where I'm jealous and salty about how things are. And ofc I'm still mad that I KNOW she will get butthurt if I watch aggretsuko with someone else even though I have literally been pestering her about that shit for HALF THE DAMN YEAR. And at times she's overly territorial over me and I be sliiightly tempted to do shit just to watch her show out and other times she'll say the dumbest shit about herself that makes me wish I could teleport to her with a rolled up newspaper in tow.. But like, at the end of the day she knows me better than anyone ever has and I know her in a lot of ways that people don't understand. We're super similar and relieving to know that you know? At the end of the day I know that no matter what she'll be there for me and she trusts me to do the same for her which hasn't changed, even with how shit is now, her effort trumps everything.

Which is something I've grown to appreciate a lot more in general. Ofc including on and off friends like the girl from AZ. It grew to make a lot of the small annoying habits of hers feel a lot diff. I noticed how we really never had an awkward easing back in stage.

Every time, without fail we start with

damn you DONT TEXT MEEE!! DO YOU NOT LIKE ME ???

>:U

*insert defense junk*

yeah yeah I dont wanna HEAR IT 🙄

Then boom we get to catching up. Plus 99% of the time she got a game she wanna play. We usually just go to that then continue on talking and junk for a few days. At max a week and a half. I'll send a message here and there and she be DRY so I stop and then we dip for another few months.

It's so weird to think about honestly. We've been friends for 5ish years now. I only have one other long term friend as my years of moving back and forth led most to forget I existed and I met him in 7th. I dunno to me her and him were completely different in my mind cause of the frequency and nature of our convos. But it's just like.. nowadays I tear up thinking about them sometimes. Sure they got they own pros and cons but at the end of the day, they're consistent. We've all changed a lot throughout the years and I know they've met soooo many people that'll probably not die off the face of the earth every two seconds and I'm sure they both have friends they're a lot closer with but they still bothered to keep in touch even when it woulda been hella easy to just move on

Bruh thinking about it now got me tearing up (...as you can see I've been drinking water today 🙃) They may not be the first people I think to go to when shit gets rough but they've made it clear that they care about me for more than what I can do for them and that is mooooore than enough for me. I hope I keep them around forever. I try to be a lot better on checking in on em nowadays. I'm not amazing with that shit still and I still'll go weeks without speaking but uh. We getting there T^T

Though AZ girl is the reason I say bruh so much.. I hate her for that TO THIS DAY. she used to say breh and bruh after every sentence and it would make the shit she be saying 20000x funnier. I tried to steal it for jokes too but then it just start slipping out and now I prolly say it more than she ever did ANDD she don't even say it like that no more 😭

...

I went on so hard of a tangent I literally forgot what I brought this shit up for.. I had to go back up and reread it's been like 6 hours since I said that junk 💀💀💀

SEE like talking with me is fun on one hand cause as long as we aint sitting there making small talk we gon go through about 70 billion topics within 5 mins but then on the other if you had something to say about a topic we already went past??

gl.

T_T

All that was all to say that I've grown to really appreciate distant but consistent friendship. To me, it at times shows a lot more care and appreciation than having someone listen to you rant about xyz. Cause I mean, it's kinda easy to not be a dick and listen but it takes effort to keep coming back no matter what we talked about.

Damn do you think I should give the girl from AZ a name?

Nah I kinda like that long ass name for her lmao

But look at her. I barely spoke to her for months and I basically swatted her away when she was just tryna catch up and look at us. Well. We in an off period rn..

OO actually she said she loved me the last time we were on the phone and I said it back thinking that she possibly was talking to someone else but just incase you know. BUT SHE GOT SO HAPPY BRUH OMGG

Shit was so sweet. I would say it more often if it didn't wear off the novelty so quick

But yeah like look at that. I've barely told her about any of my struggles and 5 years later we're still just as close. I can't even count how many people I've heard detailed and long rants from that just dipped from my life once they were doing better off and by the time they got back in that mindset they've already either forgot about me or think it'd be too awkward to get back in touch. Not to say it's easy to talk about that stuff, cause it aint. But venting to a complete random is not exactly risky either. I feel like it honestly has lost it's effect on me nowadays. I would rather have 400 distant and shallow friendships that last for years and years and years than the 400 deep and super relatable friends that just disappear once they find greener pastures.

I hope that someday I'll feel comfortable revealing my identity on here. I didn't mean to imply that any possible friendships from this are gonna be shallow by default ofc. More so was saying I'm a lot more open minded about a lot of different sorts of relationships you know? I wanna explore more types like.. as soon as humanly possible atp T-T

Anywho uh. I think that's enough vaguely pointed rambling for one post. Very sorry to future me reading this. I know you prolly gon wanna stomp me out for always leaving you so damn much to read..

me is withdrawing atp soooo I'm either gon try and sleep the shit off or get to solving that 💀

gn/gm depending on when youre reading this. I hope youre doing okay

[unlimitedgolden]

Ok more information time about Team Unlimited , I’ll just be kinda rambling about them here and going into their background? And my thoughts for them I guess. I might “overexplain” things but YEAH, What’s up with these goofballs?

This is all a bit messy and off the top of my head but let’s go to the start. Some time ago we were redoing our room and in my sisters drawer we found this copy of Pokemon Sky that I thought we had lost. The game is mine, I own all the copies of explorer in this house INCLUDING the duplicates but my sister and I share <3 but I instantly was like “gholy fuck i should play thos again” and then, I did. I think way earlier this year.

I named the characters originally after myself. “Golding” the shinx was Golden, and “Oscar” the Riolu was Oscha. Like... the character from Final Fantasy: Unlimited. But when they became OC’s I wanted to change their names, I only had them as the above for my own silly gameplay purposes.

Played through the game as normal, had a blast, it was a fixation I guess for a long while and I’d play it nearly every day especially for nostalgia. And then, Hero and Partner week came into my radar.  I don’t think I’ve ever had any PMD oc’s so these guys were kinda the first before I made the others of older characters I had (like Team Panic from my Blue Rescue Team)

So. What’s up with them uhh. WELL as I said theyre partially interpretations especially around the start of their journey. At the start they’re probably accurate to the in game versions, Oscar being nervous at the start and Golding being clueless of his past. BUT BUT BUT, their personalities are different too methinks.

Golding is carefree and seems oblivious but is most definitely very aware of the people around him. Sorta got that autism swag i believe. Might be blunt, might be loud, might be unresponsive in some situations. Oscar is putting on false confidence a lot, he does start a little bit cowardly but the false confidence turns legitimate after being around Golding. Oscar also is incredibly caring and Golding prefers he does the talking when it comes to nearly anything. 

They definitely need one another, they’re sorta like....... covering for one another's flaws. Especially with type advantages n what not blah blah. They deeply care for each other.

Furthermore, their ages would also be different to the “canon” i guess. Now I’m much older than when I first played a lot of the games I love as a kid, sometimes it feels like those characters grow with me (even if they don’t actually)

In these twos cases I think they’re at least teenagers instead of just kids running around in a dungeon. (Seriously where are these guys parents half the time every pokemon game does this.) Maybe around 15? and I guess as they get older that’s how they evolve too. So the above they might be in, let’s say for now, their late 20′? Early 30′s? And of course their identities and appearance change.

UHH I’m not sure what else to say so please do yknow.... ask questions,, I’d love to answer more.

Hi!! I was kinda wondering, what's Team Unlimited's general characterization? Are they like the game's interpretation of the partners or do they have any distinct persist changes?

OH WOW HI I don't know how long this has been sitting in my ask box for (forgot i had one icl) but LEMME ANSWER NOW I REMEMBER

Well. Hm. I don't fully know how to explain it but I'll try. Team Unlimited are literally the characters I had in my PMD Sky save, and I like to think they're partially interpretations? I guess? But their personalities are a bit tweaked and they're at least teens, considering at the time I was 19 (20 today oh godf oh fuc) and I feel silly treating them as if they were 11 when i lowkey project a bit. I could explain in further detail maybe their whole..... thing. but only if people want me to.