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arvale-artist · 10 days ago

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ARVALE: Beylord 🧛‍♂️

A character who haunts the series in the background. Some characters and their ancestors/descendants make reappearances throughout the series, Rufus being a prime example.

But this one stands out.

You like Vampires? Ghosts? Friendships that end in Tragedy? RPGs? Lost Media?

If so, this Tale might interest you...

ARVALE: Journey of Illusion [🌿🗡️]

First game of the series.

You arrive at the Kytar continent, Blue Harbor.

After dispatching a group of thieves, you walk around town talking to the people. Most conversations are about the ongoing plague of thieves giving you a pretty good hint what your next main quest will be about, but there is one more NPC that speaks about a different topic...

[Man] »I’ve heard stories about a vampire somewhere on this continent! Can you believe that?« [Duncan] »Yeah, I’ve seen some pretty unbelievable stuff myself… a vampire doesn’t seem too odd after seeing Dragons.«

Exploring Kytar north-west, you come across a giant old ruin. Entering, you find yourself in »Beylord Castle«. It has seen better days.

It seems to be an optional monster camp, full of hostile creatures for Duncan to slay everywhere.

There is a staircase leading deeper into the castle. Following it, Duncan enters a giant cellar. Walls decorated with torches and lots of bookshelves with probably Arvale’s dustiest literature.

These monster camps always have a boss somewhere, and judging by the surplus amount of skulls littered across the floor, Duncan seems to have found where the boss resides.

At the very end of the room, Duncan finds a coffin.

Duncan being Duncan, proceeds to open it and interrogate the person inside.

[Beylord] »Who disturbs Beylord, master of this castle?« [Duncan] »Hello, my name is Duncan. I couldn’t help but notice you are sleeping inside a coffin… isn’t that midly uncomfortable?« [Beylord] »It is customary for someone with my affliction to sleep in one. But, it is true, it does sort of cramp my back. How can I help you?« [Duncan] »Affliction? Are you sick?« [Beylord] »That is one way to put it. I am a vampire.« [Duncan] »A vampire?! You mean… sucking blood and all that?« [Beylord] »Yes.«

You have two dialogue options. Hear him out, or skip straight to the fight.

[Duncan] »Does that mean I have to fight you now? / How did that happen?«

[Duncan] »How did that happen?« [Beylord] »You’re a very curious person, you know that? I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone who would dare open a coffin in a deserted castle and then interrogate the owner. *sigh* A long while back, Sorcynth was still a relatively small company. Many of their potions were still untested and they needed test subjects. I was one of them. Knowing the danger that was present, testers were paid extremely well.« [Duncan] »Danger?« [Beylord] »There were many, many deaths of testers from trying the potions. I was one of the lucky few who survived working for Sorcynth for about 100 years.« [Duncan] »100 years? How is that possible?« [Beylord] »Sorcynth Youth Potions. Many of them. Very effective for keeping people alive… however...« [Duncan] »It turns you into a vampire?« [Beylord] »No. Sorcynth Youth Potions have a terrible side effect of making people go insane. Especially weak-minded… or stupid people.« [Duncan] »Then how DID you turn into a vampire?« [Beylord] »I’m getting to that. I accumulated quite a bit of wealth and bought this castle, servants, the whole package, and lived quite well, as you can imagine.« [Duncan] »And?« [Beylord] »You’re curious, yet impatient… that’s funny. Sorcynth had been working on a potion for curing undead, zombies, etc. And… well, they never perfected it, and I am the result.« [Duncan] That’s a pretty boring story… I was hoping for some adventure, or mythological creatures, and battles with passion and lust… [Beylord] »Sorry to disappoint. I must say that I made all of my servants leave, and mostly feed on monsters… I do not wish to take a human life… even if the hunger for human blood burns in my veins more than anything else. And now that you know the story… and you are apparently a Hero of some sorts… Do you wish to fight me?«

You have two dialogue options. Spare him, or fight him. No matter what you choose, a battle is inevitable, as his hunger overcomes him.

[Duncan] »No, thanks, you seem like a nice vampire, I’ll leave you alone. / Yes, it is my duty to fight you, I am the hero type… and you seem like the monster type… as you said… it is customary.« [Duncan] »No, thanks, you seem like a nice vampire, I’ll leave you alone.« [Beylord] »As you wish. Take care, Duncan.«

Duncan starts to walk away.

[Beylord] »However….. It has been some time …. Since a human has visited the castle. And… I … am… hungry!«

If you proceed to go with the other dialogue option, he’ll say »It has been eons since I have had human blood…. And I am hungry! As you wish, human!«

Exploring south-east of Kytar, you come across another monster camp: Maestyl.

It seemed to have been a town eons ago… all that’s left are destroyed, overgrown ruins of houses overrun with monsters. There is not a lot left of what once was, nature reclaiming what remains. Everything is eerily quiet. It’s not like this usually. Even in spooky areas, music is playing.

Not here.

Clearing out the monsters, Duncan makes his way inside a house up north. A skeleton in armor with two glowing orbs inside the eye sockets resembling pupils stands inside. He does not attack Duncan. Instead, he speaks.

[Warrior Spirit] »Have you come to remove the curse?« [Duncan] »What curse?« [Warrior Spirit] »A curse was placed upon this town eons ago. I was a brave and powerful warrior in my time… undefeated in battle, unparalleled in skill… One day, I was tricked into defeating a witch, whom in return, placed a curse upon me and the entire town. Since then, all the townspeople, including myself, have their souls trapped here… none of us are free to go to the next world, until the curse has been lifted« [Duncan] »That’ rough. So… how can I break this curse for you?« [Warrior Spirit] You must defeat me in combat, if you are brave enough. Will you break the curse for us?

You can fight the Warrior Spirit, or come back later. Once defeated, you get a Maestyl Liquid (which boosts your defence when used) and this message is displayed:

»Ahhhh, thank you, brave warrior. The curse has finally been lifted…. After all of these years. Now we can finally rest. As a token of gratitude, please take what is in the chest, it is now unlocked. Take care, brave warrior« (there’s just a regular magic combat item in the chest, a Tide Scepter)

Now, why did I just tell you about Maestyl? It seems to have no connection to Beylord whatsoever. And during this time in development for the Arvale Series, it probably had none. Yet.

ARVALE 2 : Ocean of Time [🏹⏳]

Second game of the series.

OOT takes place 1000 years prior JOI. When you use the ship in OOT, you are actually able to steer it across the oceans of Arvale. If you steer near the part of Kytar where Maestyl is, you see the small town and how it has not been destroyed yet. Unfortunately, you cannot visit it in OOT.

Arriving in Kytar City, there’s lots of NPCs to talk to. One stands out…

Sadly I cannot show you the entire conversation, I don’t have it saved anywhere.

But I do recall two things about The Occult Woman, she makes money by dabbling both in fake magic (scamming people) and real magic… having foresight abilities, being able to see the future to some extent. Like a Fortune Teller. Knowing who DeMenchev is before he steps into her home, and able to tell him where he has to go next on his quest to get an artifact he’s after.

And where he has to go next at this point in the game is Dividion Castle. Deep below, there is a temple with the artifact, guarded by a boss of course.

You solve the puzzle to be able to enter the final room of the temple with the artifact and boss inside. So far, everytime DeMenchev does this, it goes like this:

Go inside the final temple room, pick up the artifact, boss spawns, defeat boss.

What you don’t expect is entering the final room of the temple, and suddenly, dialogue appears on your screen.

The entity speaking has custom sprites, not one assembled out of the various assets of the game they usually build NPC out of. Meaning this one’s special. Imagine my massive surprise when the first word I read was a familiar name. And imagine my even BIGGER surprise finding out these two used to know eachother, were friends, even...

Here’s a video of The Beylord Encounter in OOT.

Context regarding the dialogue: At this point in the game, DeMenchev is currently in a messed up alternate timeline where Arvale is war ridden and a lot of people lived completely different lives. They never met in this timeline, hence why Beylord doesn’t recognize him.

The Beylord Encounter in OOT is very different and special compared to all the other bosses. Not just because of it’s introduction, but also during the battle and what happens afterward.

Beylord is a really tough boss if you are not prepared well or have some ultra rare overpowered weapon in your arsenal. First time I encountered him I had to use the Silver Sword, which is ironic, since vampires are weak against silver… anyway, as you can see, aside from having a ton of health, Beylord has no weaknesses and is the only boss in Arvale to have that quality.

I am glad they made a custom sprite for him even for the battle instead of re-using the normal fighter enemy sprite like in JOI.

I want to applaud the person who did the combat sprite work for Beylord, because you can tell this one was specifically made for DeMenchev.

When Beylord attacks, their sprites fit together like puzzle pieces. Beylord grabbing his shoulders and plunging his fangs into his neck while DeMenchev winces in pain, no matter what weapon DeMenchev is equipped with. I’m sure those neck bites come with extra emotional damage, man…

I was mildly surprised to see Beylord speak after battle. Because ususally, an enemy and most bosses are elimated after battle and are just… gone. Maybe followed by some commentary from DeMenchev. Major bosses do remain for a bit to give their dying speech, but what really caught me by surprise is that Beylord… actually survives. And is the only enemy to do so.

Because DeMenchev spares him.

This isn’t a case like in JOI where the final boss chickens out during the first battle with Duncan, and Duncan then has to chase him down, no, DeMenchev does not chase after him when Beylord escapes.

He let’s him go.

He couldn’t bring himself to kill him, even if Beylord just tried to do that to him. He pities him instead »Poor Beylord… «

How sweet! Surely, DeMenchev’s mercy for Beylord will never backfire in the future...

Other than pointing DeMenchev in the right direction to get the artifact, and subsequently Beylord, The Occult Woman seems to have no connection to anyone else… but I have a theory who exactly she could be. A character we will meet in the next installment of the Arvale series. Or at least, what character she inspired, probably.

Now, you might have noticed some pretty striking irregularties story-wise with Beylord. A bit of a change in character, that there is no way he could have been a potion tester for longer than a human lifetime, that he works for Dividion (evil royal family/king in Kytar)… You can just write these irregularities off because the Beylord in OOT is one from an alternate timeline.

But here I want to inform you it is actually the case that a lot of the information we get from Beylord and possibly Maestyl in JOI might actually no longer be canon and have been retconned. Unless Beylord is straight up lying to Duncan, but he has no reason to do so. 🤖Jaybot7 took Beylord into a VERY different direction in the third installment of the series, the one with the most recent portrayal of Beylord.

ARVALE: Short Tales [☀️🌙]

Third game of the series.

Where Beylord finally becomes a playable character. There are some steps that have to be done first to unlock him, though. Sadly, ST is only playable on Pocket PC, having become abandonware. … So uh… unless you are... insane… and... buy an ancient Pocket PC from some random guy on the web… and download the game from some shady place… you’re not going to be able to play this one. Which is a gigantic shame, it really is…

Anyway, let me tell you about ARVALE: Short Tales! SO…

ST takes place years after OOT, but still approximately 1000 years prior JOI, within DeMenchev's lifetime. When you first start playing ST after completing the other two Arvale games, you might encounter many »WAIT A MOMENT, HOLD UP-« moments throughout the game. (At least for me).

You start in the beautiful and thriving town of… Maestyl. Amazing really, playing through this game I felt awarded for having paid close attention in the previous Arvale games and knowing all the lore, understanding easily how everything is connected and all the references, recognizing names… but also that no matter how the intro to the first 4 playable characters starts, ultimately, I knew this story will end in tragedy. ST takes place around 1000 years before Arvale JOI, where Maestyl is a cursed monster camp with only ruins remaining of what once was…

It becomes very apparent very quickly that Beylord plays a big role in this game. His presence haunts this game, his character is referenced multiple times, even before ever seeing him. And the game is not being subtle about this. Near Maestyl is a region literally called Beylord Lake. There’s an NPC relaxing, and she has this to say:

»I like this place… It’s so relaxing. I mean, aside from the big, dark, foreboding haunted castle right there.« I think we both can guess who this castle belongs to…

But the lady is right about Beylord Lake being a relaxing place. It is one of the very few placed in ST that is safe during day AND night, even offering a neverending healing opportunity for the characters to heal up after battle. (Healing water).

There’s a simple tune playing in the background. It sounds peaceful. I will talk more about this particular tune later, but let me quickly talk about music in ST a bit because 🤖Jaybot7 went CRAZY with it.

ST has many regions/biomes you can visit and each of these has their unique music and battle music! And it even changes during the nighttime, turning more into ambience. Did I mention this game has a Day and Night cycle? Pretty cool. (Being able to switch between light theme (which resembles OOT’s title screen colors) and dark theme (JOI title screen colors) on my blog (at least on PC) is a reference to ST’s day and night cycle hehe).

Maestyl has SO much music in it! It has its own theme, and when you enter character’s houses, their theme starts to seamlessly flow into Maestyl’s theme… and it makes the silence when you enter the eons old ruins of the town in JOI feel all the more eerie and wrong.

Something that becomes more obvious over time is that no one seems to know who Beylord is… or remember him… I got this from a promotional post about ST on the defunct PDAmill website:

4 characters are available to play when starting ST. The 5th one with a bat symbol is locked, that one being Beylord himself.

While paying the other 4 characters, there is one optional side quest for each where you end up with a strange item as a reward.

Beylord Ring, Beylord Rib, Beylord Eyes, and Beylord Heart.

On a small island on Beylord Lake, there’s a … small temple. It looks like a ritualistic place. A coffin, surrounded by 4 vases. »One who wishes to unleash the seal, must place the 4 lost objects within the vases during the night.« Once one of the 4 objects is placed into a vase, it catches on fire. On the vase is written: Replace the ancient Ring in here. / Replace the broken Rib in here / Replace the wandering Eye in here / Replace the cold Heart in here. Once placed: A glowing Ring/Rib/Eye/Heart rets inside the flaming vase.

If you place all 4 ones into their respective vases, you’ve unlocked Beylord as a playable character.

In case it wasn’t obvious enough from all the ominous hints we collected about Beylord before unlocking him, he’s a certified villain.

I must admit. It wasn’t obvious to me… I still had that outdated version of Beylord from JOI in mind where he’s a humane and nice vampire, and it was once I started playing the guy himself did I notice that. Oh. That can no longer be canon. At all.

Let me introduce to you… bastard with Arvale’s BIGGEST anger issues imaginable.

[Narrator] »You have completed the tales of the four main characters… However, there is one more story that must be told… Beylord, The cursed Vampire. Beylord became a vampire by some strange circumstances during his years as a Sorcynth Potion Tester many years ago. After becoming a vampire, Beylord lost control with his immense powers and began terrorizing all the areas on the continent. Until one day, an adventurer only remembered by the of name John gathered the strongest men in Meastyl to attack his castle and scatter pieces of Beylord to put him in an eternal slumber. He was supposed to stay in this slumber until a proven way to dispose of The Vampire was found. Then the pieces of Beylord would be put back together to reawaken him and destroy his condition forever. However, Beylord’s powers were strong enough to influence other people’s actions, even while he slept. As the years passed, people seemed to forget about the incidents with Beylord entirely. And eventually, four adventureres brought his pieces back together, unbeknownst to them the terror they were unlocking.«

Alright, so let’s dissect this.

He became a vampire during his years as a Sorcynth Potion Tester. This explains where he got some, if not all his powers.

The character you are most likely to pick to play first is Varju, the Druid. The antagonists of Varju’s story is Sorcynth. Varju, as a Druid, is able to morph into animals and also talk with them. The final boss in Varju’s story is a high ranking Sorcynth officer who uses Highly Experimental Potions to morph into different creatures. On top of that, the officer becomes ultra fast as well. Just like Beylord. (During combat, Beylord can be observed moving so fast he becomes a blur before slashing the enemy with his claws and has a really low attack cooldown). The first creature the officer transforms into is a zombie, the rest are animals.

»A Druid, indeed? Well, I can easily match that with the power of Sorcynth! Highly Experimental Potions only available to high ranking officers, such as myself! And you are about to see why! Come and get me, Mister druid, hee. Hee, hee! Pit your powers against the superhuman strength of a Sorcynth Zombie! Hahahahah!«

Superhuman strength is another quality The Vampire Beylord possesses… additionally, when the officer turns into a zombie, the game uses a modified version of Beylord’s talking sprite for him. A connection can be made... Sorcynth specializes in bottling various kinds of magic and other magic items and then selling it. Potions that let you heal or boost some of your stats like strength, defence, magic, magical resistance, dexterity or offensive magic like Fire, Earth and Water magic. Beylord has insane regenerative abilities and is able to preform Fire, Water and possibly Earth magic. Excelling in the other stats like magical resistance and defense might explain his lack of weaknesses in OOT. It seems we have a pretty good idea now where most of his ‘vampire‘ powers come from. He seems like the perfect Sorcynth Mutant, which is an actual enemy you encounter in JOI. They have red glowing eyes... and zombies have pale blue skin in Arvale… Visual characteristics The Vampire Beylord also posseses. So he might actually be an Undead Sorcynth Mutant. Also, the sprite they use for the Sorcynth Mutants is the Leech sprite, and vampires are also kinda leeches... but this might be stretching it a bit.

And perhaps those potions didn’t only give him powers, but weaknesses too. Drinking Highly Experimental Potions probably leads to some… odd side effects. Like maybe developing an allergy to garlic or silver, or not being able to completely morph back into a human and being stuck with more animalistic features like pointy ears, claws and fangs. Maybe.

An adventurer only remembered by the name of John, huh? Hehe, I got so giddy when I read the name, because I knew immediately who this was referring too. You can actually encounter John DeMenchev briefly while playing the other 4 characters, wearing Arvale’s silliest disguise.

Come on man… At least his disguises have gotten better in Treasure of Memories.

After The Narrator ends their little speech, Beylord explodes out of the coffin, flames, burning vases, and debris surrounding him, while Boss music starts playing. Wow.

[Beylord] »Ah… So good to be awake again! Now... what was I doing? Ah yes! Revenge! The cretins who put me into that slumber must pay! Let’s visit my Manor first… it should be just across the lake. It’s been a few decades… but I can already feel my power returning! Indeed, let’s give morphing a try!«

Here we are introduced to one of his first abilities: Morphing, like into a bat. Later he’ll be able to transform into a rat as well… we don’t know just how many animals he can transform into.

Now… as dark as Beylord’s storyline can get, Arvale was always advertised in being humorous, and the Beylord’s storyline is not spared from that.

In front of Beylord’s Castle:

[Beylord] »Urgh! The door appears to be repelling me! There is some sort of Magical Seal on the door!« [Narrator] »A picture of the magical Seal is painted on the door? Like, the aquatic animal?« [Beylord] »Not a magic *seal*, my idiot narrator, a Magic seal! Those who defeated me, must have placed a curse upon my manor! I must get… revenge! Off to Maestyl!«

Beylord will continuously have beef with The Narrator throughout his story. Lmao.

Arriving in Maestyl, the first house Beylord wishes to enter is that of a really powerful Mage… The Fortune Teller Lankha.

The only town you are able to visit in ST is Maestyl. So each of the Town’s NPCs is given a lot more depth than what you are usually used to. All of them have their own little intricate stories, and you are able to learn more about them through the individual characters you are able to play over the many hours you spent time in this game.

Such as Fortune Teller Lankha, or Mistress Lankha, who is so much more than a simple Fortune Teller. But, true to her title, she does have very impressive foresight abilities. Often knowing who the person entering her home for the first time is, and what they need.

Sounds familiar, doesn’t it? I wonder of she could be the Occult Woman from OOT… Both seem to have an affinity with cats too, heh. The Occult Woman owning a cat and Lankha being the one to teach Varju the Cat Morph.

When Beylord enters her house, this conversation takes place:

[Lankha] »Master Beylord. What a surprise. Do you wish to fight me?«

Do not say yes. If you do, you are completely and utterly screwed. All lights go out, it starts thundering and raining, and she transforms into a undefeatable giant beast boss monster with a ridiculous amount of HP and kills you in one bite.

[Beylord] »No.« [Lankha] »A wise decision. And what is it that you would need from me?« [Beylord] »My manor is locked. I am simply requesting information on how one would solve this problem.« [Lankha] »I see. Certainly a dilemma. The lock is so strong, that even someone with your powers cannot force themselves in?« [Beylord] »I’ve tried all of my powers. There appears to be some strong magic sealing the door. And since you are the strongest magic user in the area…« [Lankha] »I had nothing to do with the attack on your manor, your burial, nor the scattering of your powers. If you remember correctly, the attack was led by a man named John. The strongest men from Maestyl also accompanied him. If I can recall correctly, they were Armorer Jinn, Captain Flint, Ermes, and someone else, I cannot recall precisely, it’s been such a long time… Perhaps they possess some artifacts related to the seal on your manor.« [Beylord] »I see. And what of this man named John? Where can I find that cretin?« [Lankha] »I do not know his whereabouts. He basically disappeared after he defeated you. But I believe… you may find the answers in your manor. Is there anything else I can help you with?« [Beylord] »I’m going to destroy the town, you know…« [Lankha] »Yes, I have foreseen that. But thank you for the warning. I believe I may have to move my business to a new location. I would wish you luck on your quest, but I don’t think you’ll need it. Goodbye, Beylord.«

When you play the other 4 characters, you usually head to the item shop or armory to upgrade your gear. With Beylord, you acquire any upgrades through Lankha putting spells on him.

[Beylord] »Well, it has been a few decades… do you have any Items of interest for me?« [Lankha] »Perhaps. If you have gold of interest for me. What did you have in mind?« [Beylord] »An armor upgrade would be nice« [Lankha] »With your vampire regeneration abilities, I can’t see why, but… I suppose I could add some protective spells to your cloak. But it will cost you…« [Beylord] »A weapon upgrade would be nice.« [Lankha] »For you? Don’t joke! Your powers and teeth are strong enough! Hahaha! Well, I can cast an attack boosting spell on your ‘weapon‘. But it will cost you…«

Here are the different items descriptions for the upgraded armor/weapons:

Dirty Cloak: Sitting in a state of suspended animation will make your cloak all dirty. Clean Cloak: Ahh, much better. Now it’s clean, but full of holes! Patched Cloak: It’s clean, it’s patched up, and it’s starting to look sexy again! Pressed Cloak: Now that we’ve gotten rid of all those wrinkles, I’m starting to look like a real vampire! Sleek Cloak: My cloak is shiny and glittery again, looking good Beylord! Ultiven Cloak: Now we’re talking, my cloak is almost as powerful as I am! Dirty nails: My nails haven’t been cleaned in several decades. Clean Nails: Cleaner nails, but still a little too dull to do some real damage. Sharp Nails: Ah, there we go, much sharper, and cleaner. Almost like old times! Vampire Nails: Sharp, clean, hardened, and neatly trimmed. Just as a true vampire’s nails should be! Bloody Nails: Just a little bit of blood goes a long way toward strengthening my nails! Ultiven Nails: It could just be me, but it feels like my nails are just as strong as an Ultiven weapon now!

The people Lankha spoke of earlier are Armorer Jinn, Captain Flint, Shop Owner Ermes, and Charles the Innkeep. Those names mean nothing to you, but they mean a lot to someone who played through ST. Any of the names of the townspeople of Maestyl would. At this point, I spent around 30 hours getting to know every NPC in that town…

And Beylord is about to destroy them all.

With the exception of Lankha, of course.

What an emotional gut punch! But in a really good way. This game really made me feel things… auugh…

Even though I knew from the very beginning of the game, the moment I read the name Maestyl, that this story no matter what, will end in tragedy… oh, it still manged to really catch me by surprise.

There are 11 houses in Maestyl, Lankha’s included. It does not matter in which order Beylord will ‘visit‘ these houses, but we will start with the ones he’ll straight up destroy without even entering first. Here we see Beylord’s next abilities: Elemental Magic. Fire, Water and... Earth(?) Maybe?

Beylord approaches a small red house. It belongs to the single mother Kiva and her child Garion. [Beylord] »Hmm, no one is home. Too bad, they won’t feel the flames!« Beylord sets the house ablaze.

Beylord approaches Captain Flint’s home. He’s not home. Beylord sets it ablaze without a thought.

Beylord approaches a small brown house. It belongs to the merchant Demetrius. [Beylord] »Anyone who has no windows on their house is hiding something.« [Narrator] »But you don’t even know him!« [Beylord] »Hold on, let me check if I care…« Beylord sets the house ablaze. [Beylord] »Nope.«

Beylord approaches a big blue house. It belongs to the couple Azar and Laphid with their kids Kift and Walf. [Beylord] »Hmm, I smell lots of fresh blood in there.« [Narrator] »You wouldn’t!« [Beylord] »Tell you what…« Beylord ultra freezes the entire house, it’s covered in snow and ice. [Beylord] »If they can survive that, I’ll leave them alone.« [Narrator] »You monster!«

Beylord approaches a small red house with a garden next to it. It is the home of the scholar Fekre. [Beylord] »Such a cute little house. I almost feel bad for destroying it. Almost.« [Narrator] »But that place is home to a Scholar! It’s full of ancient artifacts and books, rare objects and information that are extremely hard to find!« [Beylord] »And now, they will be even more rare!« Beylord destroys the house and turns it into rubble, and sets the garden left to it ablaze. This might be a mixture of both Earth and Fire magic. Or he’s just using superhuman strength and Fire magic.

Beylord approaches a brown, run down house standing on top of a hill. It belongs to Koden the Warrior, one of the playable characters. [Beylord] »Looks like this house is about to fall apart anyway.« Beylord destroys the home, lots of rubble and debris everywhere with a bit of fire. Might be Earth magic, or superhuman strength. I cannot tell for sure.

Beylord approaches Rekatys’s Wheelbarrow Shop, because of course, of course there’s a wheelbarrow shop. This is Arvale we’re talking about here, there will always be wheelbarrow nonsense. [Beylord] »A shop dedicated to selling Wheelbarrows? How gauche! This place deserves to burn! [Narrator] »No arguments there.« Beylord sets the house and wheelbarrows ablaze.

Beylord enters Jinn’s Armory. He does not attack Beylord. He stands there by the anvil, diligently doing his work. Despite his intimidating profession, forging weapons and armor, Jinn is by far the most friendly and optimistic character in town. Only when Beylord’s sprite touches Jinn does the battle start. Beylord behaves a bit like your typical monster enemy in Arvale here in a way… approaching and immediately instigating a battle. Jinn is defending himself with a sword. Beylord kills him. After battle, a wet, ugly noise can be heard. All that’s left of him are giant puddles of blood splattered across the floor. [Beylord] »It’s only fair of course. And what’s this?« You took Jinn’s Seal: One of the four magic seals that unlock Beylord Manor. When Beylord leaves the house, he turns around and sets it ablaze.

Beylord enters Ermes’ Item Shop. His Items Clerk, Quip, cannot be found. He either does not live in Maestyl or has his room in the back of the shop. But Ermes is there. Ermes is quite a friendly guy too. But while playing the character Tabys the Assassin, we learn they used to know eachother. Probably back during their days living alongside the Konjia, Ermes maybe even being a Konjia himself. A race so stealthy (and quite militaristic thanks to their horrible emperors), that the rest of Arvale think them to be extinct. He settled for a quiet and peaceful life in Maestyl, leaving his old life behind and running a »mostly respectable« business now. »Mostly« because he secretly supplies more dubious customers in the night, like assassins. He knows things, he has tricks up his sleeve… and when Beylord enters his items Shop, Ermes immediately sprints at him at full speed. Clocking him instantly as danger. Maybe he remembers now who and what Beylord is after seeing him. Ermes fights like a magician. Again, after battle, a wet, ugly noise can be heard. All that’s left of him are giant puddles of blood splattered across the floor. [Beylord] »Uhhu. And I can only assume that this is…« You took Ermes Seal: One of the four magic seals that unlock Beylord Manor. When Beylord leaves the house, he turns around and sets it ablaze.

Beylord stands in front of the door of the Inn/Pub. [Beylord] »Heheheheheh. Fish in a barrel!« [Narrator] »No, don’t!« [Beylord] »I’ve had enough of you! If I hear one more complaint, you’re NEXT!« [Narrator] »*gulp*« Beylord enters the Inn/Pub. Every NPC, no matter how far away, has turned towards him and stands completely frozen in place. When you play any other character, they’re moving, doing their thing, ... Right now everyone is frozen while looking at Beylord. Maybe they remember now. The Pub’s music keeps playing like normal. No one expected this. They all run away from Beylord when he approaches them. When he catches up to them, they scream, there’s this ugly wet noise again and all that’s left of the person is puddles of blood splattered across the floor.

Captain Flint can be found here. He does not run away but he also does not approach Beylord. Beylord has to actively attack him. Captain Flint attacks with a spear. All that’s left after battle is a giant pile of blood splattered across the floor. It makes an ugly wet noise. Like a wet bite. [Beylord] »Aha… What’s this?« You took Flint’s Seal: One of the four magic seals that unlock Beylord Manor. Innkeep Charles cannot be seen, so Beylord enters the Pub’s/Inn’s basement, where he can be found. Charles rushes him when he is near, maybe he remembers who he is, maybe he heard the screams from upstairs, and attacks with a spear. Once again, ugly wet noise after battle and puddles of blood across the floor. [Beylord] »Mmmhmm, and I’ll take this, thank you very much!« You took Charles Seal: One of the four magic seals that unlock Beylord Manor. When Beylord leaves the Inn/Pub, he turns around and sets it ablaze.

BTW, there’s a few human NPCs outside Maestyl. Beylord just kills them as well without a thought. They scream, wet noise, and there’s blood. Like always. Another detail I like is that Beylord only enters the houses that are open to the public, shops, pubs… In some stories vampires need to be invited in order to physically enter a house, but since these are public houses everyone is already kinda invited… I don't think Beylord has to abide be these rules, but it’s a neat detail/reference.

Once all seals are collected, he has this to say:

[Beylord] »These seals should break the uhm, seal on my castle. Let’s head to Beylord Lake and go inside!«

You head to Beylord Lake, where Beylord’s castle is.

Now… As said earlier, Beylord Lake is a complete safe zone, during day and night, for all playable characters. Except Beylord.

There’s a final boss in Beylord’s storyline, but there’s also a secret, much more powerful boss. When you walk around Beylord Lake as The Vampire Beylord, there’s a really low chance that this secret boss spawns. It does not attack anyone else, only The Vampire.

The Beylord Spirit.

By far the toughest boss in the entire game (We’re going to ignore Lankha here).

Once defeated, he drops … the objects of power?? (That’s how DeMenchev refers to them anyway) The Ring, Rib, Eye and Heart… Did The Beylord Spirit use these objects to boost his strength? Did The Beylord Spirit take them away, so The Vampire could no longer be resurrected once defeated? We don’t know. But he is antagonistic towards The Vampire and no one else, making him seem like a force of good...

But once defeated, The Beylord Spirit will just. Keep. Coming. Back.

Defeating The Beylord Spirit once does not make the lake a safe zone. He will just keep reappearing for another battle if The Vampire continuous to wander around the lake. But it make sense, right? You can’t kill a ghost.

Aside from carrying body parts, The Beylord Spirit also carries some pretty huge implications for The Vampire. We know from the Warrior Spirit (which I think is supposed to be Koden or the inspiration for Koden… a lot of the things the Warrior Spirit says don’t make sense anymore after playing through Koden’s tale, and probably also have been retconned) in JOI that Spirits and Souls are the same thing.

You know how vampires don’t have shadows? Or reflections? I’m not a vampire expert (even though my friends would digress) but from what I know it’s because traditionally they are soulless.

And, at least to me, the fact that The Vampire has to battle his own Soul, indicates that Beylord The Vampire, is soulless. Which might explain the really terrible behaviour and lack of ethics.

If we continue with my theory that The Vampire is soulless, it implies that we are not even… playing the true Beylord. Because that would be the soul, right? That would be the actual person he was in life, the one that DeMenchev called a friend. And we, as the player, are just piloting a … body, corpse, monster... thing.

Now, back to the storyline. You make your way in front of the castle’s door.

[Narrator] »The magic seal disappears.« [Beylord] »It’s about time! Home sweet home! Now I can restore all of my powers, if I can just find my coffin… it should be near the end of my manor.«

Entering the manor, you hear a familiar tune. It’s the music that plays at Beylord Lake during the daytime, but now a lot slower, spookier and a bit sadder. Maybe these notes could be Beylord’s theme?

Here’s what it sounds like:

I must say that Beylord Manor is quite a pretty place, a big glowup to what we see in JOI. What I really like is how prominent the colors dark blue and red are, the ones that are the most striking in The Vampire’s design himself.

Some things are intractable in the manor. Sometimes for humor’s sake, sometimes to show just how much of a bastard The Vampire is. You know, if him destroying an entire town wasn’t enough.

The Vampire stands in front of a pile of rubble. [Beylord] »When I get all my strength back, I should really think about getting this place cleaned up.« [Narrator] »Vampires do housework?« [Beylord] »Of course not! Don’t be vulgar! I will hire a young, virgin, Klumetian Maid to do the job of course. She will, heheh, do the housework, and prepare the dinner!« [Narrator] »Prepare?« [Beylord] »If by prepare, I mean, be a fine meal! Heheheh.«

The Vampire stands before a book. [Beylord] »A list of all the previous reservations and guest names for those whom have checked into my hotel.« [Narrator] »Hotel?« [Beylord] »Indeed, I used to run a very respectable business here… Staying a few nights in a vampire’s manor and living to tell about it was very popular. And everyone adored the baroque ambience of the manor.«

The Vampire stands before two red coffins. [Beylord] »Ahh… my old coffins. Memories, good times…«

The Vampire stands before a book, again. [Beylord] »A list of previous applicants for maidens who wanted to be seduced and sacrificed by a vampire.« [Narrator] »Wanted to?« [Beylord] »Sure! There are many women who would gladly give their lives for one night with a vampire, you have no idea! I had to literally start an application and interviewing process, just to keep the numbers down, and the traffic away from my hotel.« (What the hell, this guy has Presence as an ability or something...)

The Vampire stands before a painting. [Beylord] »That was an old picture of me anyway… I never liked the flesh colored skin look.«

The Vampire stands before two chains hanging on the wall. One of them has a boney arm in it. [Beylord] »Ahh, memories…«

While The Vampire didn’t manage to make his way into his manor at first, lots of other creatures have. Undeads (like zombies), wolves, giant bats, multiple cerebuses, skeletons named »Vengeance« (maybe his rage was so enormous that it ended up reanimating dead bodies in his manor or something??) and… no wait, that’s so out of place… Robots?!

Oh… they’re called »DM Bots«. It seems our dear John DeMenchev build and placed them here as an extra measure. To keep The Vampire away from reaching that room at the end of the manor, probably.

I read the name of this enemy and it was just further confirmation for me what, or rather who, was coming... Hehhehheh

There are lots of things blocking The Vampire’s way to reach that room. From a gameplay perspective, I totally understand turning The Vampire’s manor into a dungeon. It keeps it consistent with the other characters having to visit various dungeons and solving puzzles as well, but it also makes you think… did someone else place these obstacles here to keep The Vampire from reaching that room, or does he just have Arvale’s craziest floorplan to keep people from reaching that room? Both?

While inside the manor, The Vampire showcases multiple abilities: Fire Magic, Ice magic, superhuman strength, morphing into a bat, morphing into a rat, and being able to turn into smoke. That’s new! But it’s also a somewhat common power associated with vampires, like being able to shapeshift into animals. He becomes invincible while turning into smoke but is also unable to interact with anything. Aside from making commentary, of course.

You reach his terrible, terrible room. The skulls you found in JOI are nothing compared to this.🤖Jaybot7 really wanted to hammer in that he’s a villain, alright.

The Vampire approaches the throne. What a nice callback to the one you could find in JOI …

[Beylord] Finally! »And now… to restore all my powers!«

The Great DeMenchev enters the room. But he looks a bit different than the version we got to know in OOT... it looks like he went through a really rough time. He looks pissed, he has a beard now (which reminds me of the time he got hounded by the Konjia and had bigger worries than shaving, anyway) and… wears an eye patch now. (which reminds me of the time he got hounded by the Konjia again, with a scar across his eye. But that situation was in an alternate timeline that got erased so, uh, this didn’t happen to this version of DeMenchev)

Here's my interpretation of him:

[DeMenchev] »Hold it right there, Beylord!« [Beylord] »De-- DeMenchev?!« [DeMenchev] »I don’t know how you awoke from the state we put you in, but I will not allow you to do any more harm! To others, OR to yourself!»« [Beylord] »It was YOU then! You destroyed me and placed me in that box… separating all of my--- this cannot be forgiven!« [DeMenchev] »I did it for you own good! I have no idea how you came to be what you are, but I am searching for a way to cure it! And I was fairly close…!« [Beylord] »I’d believe you, if you weren’t lying. I’m inclined to think that you are just jealous of my powers.« [DeMenchev] »You don’t have to believe me. We used to go on adventures together, back when you were human! After we parted, you disappeared for some years, and from what I gather, you started working for Sorcynth. Years later, I hear that a Vampire has been terrorizing everybody on the continent!« [Beylord] »Terrorizing is such a harsh word. I prefer human resources life allocation.« [DeMenchev] »Grrr… And then I come to investigate and find it’s my old friend, Beylord! I had to put a stop to it, but I couldn’t bring myself to kill my old friend!« [Beylord] »Or more likely, you don’t know *how* to kill a Vampire, as it is impossible.« [DeMenchev] »On the contrary, I have several solutions to ending a vampire's existence in my pocket. But I will only use them as a last resort. Because you are my friend. Some brave men from Maestyl helped me put you in a state where I could methodically remove your objects of power… Until the day I found a permanent cure for your condition!« [Beylord] »But you underestimated how powerful I am, and how far apart you should have scattered the pieces!« [DeMenchev] »Apparently! A mistake, I do not wish to repeat. Now, if you’d be so kind, I believe we must battle now. En garde!«

I tried to recreate their fight with the game art.

This is it, the final boss of The Vampire’s Tale and also the final boss of ARVALE: Short Tales. And he is pathetically easy. And I think that is on purpose. You can very quickly feel just how powerful The Vampire is when you start playing him. He levels up a lot quicker than any of the other playable characters, and his speed allows him to strike superfast and super often. DeMenchev’s sword does pitiful damage, and he is defeated with a few slashes of The Vampire’s talons. But he does not turn into a puddle of blood after battle.

His expression changes into something sadder.

[DeMenchev] »Ugh…« [Beylord] »That is what you get for playing with fire, my friend.« [DeMenchev] »Beylord…« [Beylord] »And now… for a taste!« [DeMenchev] »………«

Looks like this is the end for him. Except of course not! He’s The Great DeMenchev after all.

A few very recognizable notes of his theme start playing on a flute, there’s a smack sound, and The Vampire turned into his smoke form somehow. DeMenchev looks angry/determined again.

[DeMenchev] »HaH!« [Beylord] »My body?! Urgh!« [DeMenchev] »See you around Beylord! This won’t be our last meeting, I guarantee it!« DeMenchev escapes through the door. [Beylord] »Agh, I can’t move!«

The Vampire shifts quickly through his various forms before turning into his humanoid form again.

[Beylord] »Ah! Finally! DeMenchev will PAY for that!«

We cut to outside the Manor. The Vampire can be seen searching for DeMenchev.

[Beylord] »Where in Arvale did he go?! That geezer is fast!«

He turns into a bat.

[Beylord] »But he will get tired eventually! And I WILL find him! After all, he is… only human!«

He flies off.

A painting of his manor appears on screen, and text starts to slowly scroll up. It’s probably The Narrator speaking:

»Beylord was so enraged from his encounter with DeMenchev, that he completely forgot about his lust for regaining all of his vampire powers and continued his vengeful pursuit of DeMenchev for years. Every time Beylord caught up with him, DeMenchev was barely able to escape with his life. During their final encounter on a remote island, DeMenchev was cornered by Beylord with no exit in sight. At the last moment, just as Beylord was about to finish him off, DeMenchev warned him that he could still travel somewhere that even Beylord could not follow. Beylord scoffed at the preposterous remark and asked him where. »Through Time!« DeMenchev replied, and in an instant, DeMenchev disappeared in a bright flash. Beylord wouldn't believe the old fool at first, and continued searching for several decades. When it was apparent that DeMenchev should have been dead from old age and Beylord was not able to find any traces of his body, Beylord conceded that perhaps DeMenchev was telling the truth. And so, still bent only on revenge, Beylord returned to his manor to wait until the day he felt DeMenchev's presence again. Until then, he slept... For centuries.«

The End.

This guy has no chill. Here's a funny and chaotic doodle page I made of him.

Now… let’s dissect this and then start theorizing for a bit.

We now know how he probably ends up in Treasure of Memories / time travelling again. He uses time travel to escape from The Vampire, which shouldn't be possible... Because DeMenchev destroyed all the time pieces at the end of OOT. But he has canonically crazy smarts, he might have figured out a way to make his own. But perhaps they're not perfect, or became faulty, and thus can't control where he is sent to anymore like he says in Treasure of Memories. »I don't have control over when I am sent to anymore«.

And this might be how he becomes aware of The Cedar, 'God' of The Future, (main big bad guy in OOT) and that he’s planning something once again. When you time travel without a Stabilizer Idol at least, The Time 'Gods' become aware of you messing with time, and you might end up in their vortex. Which is kinda like their own pocket dimension. And DeMenchev might have not used a Stabilizer Idol because, why would he need to? He defeated the gods in OOT, except uh oh. The Cedar is still around after all. Anyway...

DeMenchev is by no means a stranger when it comes to making friends. Alex, Topf, Talynn, Tarsche, The Diver in Soneros, and probably many more people we don’t know of.

DeMenchev is a very busy person. If he’s not on a research adventure, he’s probably at home writing books about the topic he was researching. And if he’s not writing books at home, he’s probably spending time with the people in Queous like Anna and Alex. Probably only visiting friends during his travels.

But Beylord was special, in the same way Petya was special. They actually travelled together, significantly spending a lot more time with eachother.

A lot of things imply that this was a friend DeMenchev held very dear. In OOT, we start to get hints.

The way DeMenchev is immediately able to recognise him despite the newfound nonhuman visual qualities and having not seen him for a long time.

The way he talks to him: »Beylord! It is you. Of course, you know me… we used to travel together and go on expeditions...« The way he exclaims his name, the way he confirms it’s him, the way he trails of when he recalls their past…

The way he thinks about him »Poor Beylord… looks like his destiny is even worse than mine in this reality. What ever that means.« Pitying this someone that just tried to kill him without any negative feelings towards him. The fact he spared him, refusing to kill him. Something he’ll always do, no matter what. (»looks like his destiny is even worse than mine in this reality.« Augh aghk auogh you have no idea what’s coming, DeMenchev)

No matter what… Not even when The Vampire is terrorizing an entire continent, not even when The Vampire is about to kill him.

»l have several solutions to ending a vampire’s existence in my pocket. But I will only use them as a last resort. Because you are my friend.« I don’t think DeMenchev is lying. Yet, despite having several solutions in his pocket, he did not do it after Maestyl was destroyed, he did not do it after his life has been repeatedly threatened and barely escapes with his life. He rather dooms himself to time travel again, than kill The Vampire. He never uses it as a last resort. He couldn’t do it.

»I had to put a stop to it, but I couldn’t bring myself to kill my old friend!« This line is interesting, because it implies he knew how to kill The Vampire even before putting The Vampire in that slumber.

If you think about it… ironically, DeMenchev refusing to kill his 'friend'… ends up with him having blood on his hands. (Indirectly).

Letting The Vampire live puts a lot of people’s lives at risk. The most recent example being Maestyl. But even before that, The Vampire was terrorizing all of Kytar. That’s a whole continent!

And none of Kytar’s major powers were able to do anything about it. The Vampire we play in ST is a weakened version. Who knows what The Vampire was capable of at full power.

DeMenchev rather goes through with some really elaborate plan, where he methodically removes parts of The Vampire to put him into a slumber, so he can research a cure for him to turn human again (which might not be possible, I’ll get to that later) than kill him.

Which is admirable, but… in the end it was the wrong thing to do. Many people died, and DeMenchev never finds a cure.

On top of that, this path DeMenchev takes ends up being selfdestructive. He gets hunted viciously across the ENTIRE PLANET for years, has many close calls with death, and ends up having to time travel again. And according to what we learn in Treasure of Memories, he wants to return home, but does not control when he is sent to anymore. That sucks. A lot. He could have ended the nightmare and killed The Vampire at any time, return home, before doing time travelling again, but he didn’t.

And who knows what trail of blood The Vampire left behind while hunting him! In ST The Vampire does not think twice when killing the NPCs. And a vampire has to eat too... the blood of the people... RIP to anyone who crosses paths with that thing.

I can’t blame DeMenchev for trying to find a cure though. If I managed to save a loved one AND the world once through time travelling and defeating false gods, trying to find a cure for vampirism doesn’t seem so impossible now.

That, and he might also be motivated by grief, not wanting to loose someone again, possibly. We know Anna will die a death too soon, unless people got their history facts wrong in Treasure of Memories about DeMenchev. The good ending in OOT 'only' makes her live longer. And I know what you might be thinking. Did The Vampire kill Anna? I don't think so. Because if he did, I'm 99% sure that DeMenchev wouldn't hesitate anymore and he'd kill him. And then there's his friendship with Petya that got erased after The Time 'Gods' reset time and thus overwriting/ changing the timeline, with only strange dreams remaining as memories of the long time they spent together.

According to Cyper from Treasure of Memories: »DeMenchev... If I recall, he, I mean, *you* disappeared after the loss of his, sorry, *your* wife passed away... And was never found again!«

From OOT: [Petya] »Hello sir DeMenchev. I don't recall ever properly meeting you. But I feel as though I have known you for a long time. It is an honor to meet you. Now I know where those visions come from«. [DeMenchev] »Yes. Thank you, Petya. Thank you again for all of your help, even if neither of us remember it all. Take care«. [Petya] »Goodbye and good luck on your journeys DeMenchev.«

But I have theories about how turning The Vampire human again is impossible.

»I have no idea how you came to be what you are, but I am searching for a way to cure it! And I was fairly close…!« this bit is interesting, because it confirms that DeMenchev has no idea how The Vampire came to be, and it could maybe imply, that there was something that halted his progress, something that he couldn’t figure out. Something he didn't know. I have multiple theories what this could be.

Back in JOI, there’s this guy named Rinald in Nikal. He has this to say: »I am so close to figuring out the secret to the Sorcynth recipe for a heal potion! There seems to be one ingredient I just cannot put my finger on… I just need a little more research!« We later learn in JOI that this secret ingredient is dragon magic. DeMenchev does not know this. And when he does learn, he is already stuck time travelling again. Sorcynth's sins are exposed after it's collapse in the future as we can see in Treasure of Memories, which takes place not too long after JOI.

It could also be that DeMenchev does not know that The Vampire might (heavily implied but not confirmed) be soulless. And you can’t cure a lack of soul without the soul.

The fact that The Vampire might be soulless kinda makes the entire exchange in the manor and the whole situation a lot more tragic.

»I don’t know how you awoke from the state we put you in, but I will not allow you to do any more harm! To others, OR to yourself!« »I did it for you own good!« »We used to go on adventures together, back when you were human!« Trying to get through to someone, trying to remind someone, trying to reason with someone, who might not even be the person you think you are talking to. Which might not even be a person. Just a monstrous husk wearing your friend’s face. Metaphorical or possibly literal.

A small detail in the exchange after the battle I really like is the fact that DeMenchev falls completely silent. To a normal person, this is just there for normal dramatic effect and nothing else. If you are a detail freak like me, this silence might feel familiar. The only time we see DeMenchev fall into long silence like this is when he gets his heart broken by messed up versions of his girlfriend from alternate timelines after she says something really upsetting to him. And this situation is really similar. A messed up version of someone he held dear saying something really upsetting. »And now… for a taste!« The Vampire, his ‘friend‘, just told DeMenchev he's going to eat him... Or drink his blood at least. That’s gotta hurt, especially after everything.

Now… there’s the mystery of The Beylord Spirit. How did he lose his body? How does one end up soulless? Or rather, how does one separate the soul from the body? Well, I know one way! Dying. And vampires in a lot of stories tend to do that a lot before becoming vampires.

While a lot of the things we learn about Beylord in JOI are probably not canon anymore, some things do remain the same throughout all his iterations. Like the fact that he was a Sorcynth Potion Tester.

So let’s take the information we learn from the JOI Beylord encounter that don’t cause any inconsistencies, add my own theories into the mix, and speculate a narrative!~ ✎﹏

Long ago, a young researcher whose name will be remembered throughout Arvale history went on many adventures and expeditions with his friend Beylord by his side.

Until one day, Beylord had a terrible accident. We don’t know what this accident was, but Beylord stopped accompanying his friend afterwards. Maybe it happened during an expedition, which deterred him to continue travelling with his friend? Who knows.

Or perhaps the riches promised by Sorcynth were too tempting? Maybe both?

»During this time Sorcynth was still a relatively small company. Many of their potions were still untested, and they needed test subjects.« »Knowing the danger that was present, testers were paid extremely well.« Beylord accepted the offer and became one of them, leaving his friend behind. His friend will not hear from him for a long time...

Beylord »accumulated quite a bit of wealth and bought this castle, servants, the whole package«. »There were many, many deaths of testers from trying the potions.« He »was one of the lucky few who survived working for Sorcynth« for quite a while.

While he worked for Sorcynth, the Highly Experimental Potions started to change him in odd ways. They gave him powers. Like superhuman strength, speed, fire magic, water magic, being able to morph into animals. But the potions were not perfect yet so they came with odd side effects. Not being able to fully morph back into a human after turning into an animal, and getting stuck with some animalistic features like pointy ears, fangs, claws and turning nocturnal, perhaps. Developing odd weakneses like an allergy to garlic, silver, specific types of wood, wolfsbane, salt. You know, typical vampire weaknesses.

But maybe, one day, he didn’t get so lucky.

There are 2 ways I can think of how turning in a vampire one day working for Sorcynth could have occurred. (That's the gameover screen BTW.)

1). He turned into something like a Sorcynth Zombie like That Sorcynth Officer from Varju’s tale. »Sorcynth had been working on a potion for curing undead, zombies, etc. And… well, they never perfected it.« And The Vampire is the result. Somehow, his soul got separated from his body during that process, which could explain the change in character from good to ultra evil, and »after becoming a vampire, Beylord lost control with his immense powers and began terrorizing all the areas on the continent.« At least we can assume that during his human days Beylord used to be nice, DeMenchev would otherwise not have been his friend. Problem: That Sorcynth Officer does not show any hints of loosing his soul upon turning into a zombie. Maybe he just uses a different version of the potion though that doesn’t cause soullessness as a side effect though. That Sorcynth Officer does show a critical lack of ethics like The Vampire, but that’s just being a high ranking Sorcynth Officer. The Beylord Spirit cannot rest and move on to the next world because his body is currently terrorizing all of Kytar, or still 'alive', maybe both, hence why he’s still around.

2). »There were many, many deaths of testers from trying the potions.« What if one day he just straight up… died. Sorcynth proceeded to further experiment on his dead body, maybe trying to cure death itself, and The Vampire being the result, which proceeded to go turbo crazy on Kytar. Now… I don’t have anything to base this of. This is just speculation. But. If I was in the afterlife after I died and hoards of fellow souls blame me for their deaths and a bunch of terrible things back in the mortal world that I know I didn’t do… because I’m dead… Dude, you could not stop me with 10 inches of reinforced concrete, I would somehow find my way back to the mortal world to find out what the hell is going on and try to stop it.

No matter which of the 2 explanation we use here, the result is the same. We have an ultraviolent vampire on the loose in Kytar with The Beylord Spirit being present.

Also, unbeknownst to DeMenchev, he is trying to cure (un)death. Just like Sorcynth, which is kinda one those things that are impossible for mortals to do. Attempting this usually results in, well, undead creatures. Like… zombies… or vampires.

The Vampire reigns over Kytar, possibly with Mistress Lankha by his side. Since they seemed to know eachother judging by the exchange between them in ST. She calls him »Master Beylord« So maybe she worked for him. If it wasn't just part of The Vampire's powers/doing himself, maybe she is the one responsible for making everyone »forget about the incidents with Beylord entirely.« She seems powerful enough when it comes to magic to do so. And it would benefit her, she can open up her Fortune Telling business, without people associating her with Kytar’s Peril himself and shunning her.

As one would expect, the news of this vampire terrorizing the entire continent of Kytar spread to other places in Arvale. Eventually reaching DeMenchev.

»Years later, I hear that a vampire has been terrorizing everybody on the continent!«

DeMenchev hears of these news and decides to investigate. At this point, it seems our researcher has started become quite known. Being now recognizable and having to travel in disguise. Or perhaps he starts to wear a disguise later once he finds out who this monster is and wants The Vampire to not recognize him.

»And then I come to investigate and find it’s my old friend, Beylord! I had to put a stop to it, but I couldn’t bring myself to kill my old friend!«

That must have been quite a terrible revelation, to see that infamous monster wear such a familiar face... It seems DeMenchev has found a way, or multiple ways to end The Vampire’s existence. He might be the only person in Arvale with that knowledge. But he just couldn’t go through with it. So, he comes up with a new plan. Somehow put The Vampire into some sort of torpor so he may not hurt others and DeMenchev can work on a way to cure Beylord and turn him human again.

Which might not be possible, but hey, can’t blame the guy who defeated gods and saved the world and a loved one once for trying, right? If he managed to do that, surely he can find a way to cure vampirism, right…? Plus, he might not want to loose someone he holds dear, again.

DeMenchev figures out that in order to put The Vampire into that slumber, he needs to somehow remove his objects of power. Ring, Rib, Eyes and Heart. And he can’t do it alone.

So he assembles 4 brave men from Maestyl to help him, while he stays in disguise and only goes by his first name, John. Those being Captain Flint, Shopkeeper Ermes, Armorer Jinn, and Innkeep Charles.

With John as the leader, the resistance of Maestyl proceed to attack the beasts’ lair, the manor, and lure him out. Somehow, they manage to take The Vampire apart and proceed with the burial, but perhaps not unscathed.

Charles has a scar across his right eye, Flint might too (although it could just be part of his face tattoo, if that is a tattoo), Jinn has a scar on his left eye, only Ermes seems to not carry any lingering scars. Not that surprising, with his Konjian background he might have picked up some stealthy skills to avoid damage.

But DeMenchev seemed to have lost a whole eye. Claws could very well be capable of creating cuts like that, and DeMenchev as the leader could have gotten the worst from it.

When you play The Vampire in ST, he attacks with a really nasty uppercut with his claws, and when you fight DeMenchev in ST, you see how the claws strike his face and blood starts to spill around the area of his head. So… maybe that’s how he lost his eye. He got it clawed out The Vampire.

With The Vampire put into a slumber, DeMenchev begins searching for a way to cure him. He gets close, maybe almost finding ways to reverse a Sorcynth Potion’s effect but… there’s something he can’t figure out. Something that keeps him from finding a cure. Perhaps not being able to find out Sorcynth's secret usage of dragon magic, or the possible soullessness of The Vampire. But he keeps searching for years. For extra measure, a seal is put on the manor’s door, so The Vampire can’t enter, and robots built by DeMenchev hostile to The Vampire roam the halls in case something goes wrong when The Vampire is supposed to be awakened again and tries to enter the manor. The Vampire stays in this slumber until DeMenchev finds a cure. A cure for (un)death itself.. doesn’t sound exactly possible.

»Then the pieces of Beylord would be put back together to reawaken him and destroy his condition forever. However, Beylord’s powers were strong enough to influence other people’s actions, even while he slept. As the years passed, people seemed to forget about the incidents with Beylord entirely. And eventually, four adventurers brought his pieces back together, unbeknownst to them the terror they were unlocking.« Varju the Druid, Tabys the Assassin, Koden the Warrior and Lotus the Mage.

And a terror they did unlock. Unable to enter his manor at first, The Vampire makes his way to Maestyl, destroys all houses and kills everyone in it, except for Lankha and her home. He collects the seals from Jinn, Ermes, Flint and Charles to break the seal on his manor and enters. On a side note, while playing as Tabys the Assassin, you will get a quest where you have to retrieve an object for Fekre, the scholar.

[Fekre] »Well, you look like one of the more well traveled citizens around here, and I need someone who can find access to cross Beylord Lake. You see, I’m studying the origins of Beylord Lake and I’m looking for a certain artifact that is supposed to be near the temple across the lake. If my information is correct, there should be a Khonsti Spear nearby the temple. If you find a Spear in that area, please bring it to me, and I will make it worth your while.« (Next to the temple where Beylord is burried) [Narrator] »You catch a hint of metal glinting behind the rubble. Upon further examination…« You took Khonsti Spear: A deadly looking spear, suposedly used by the famous General Khonsti. (back in Maestyl) [Fekre] »This is… yes! This is exactly it! General Khonsti’s Spear! If this is true, then the rumors about him and Beylord might prove to be true as well! Thank you very much for this!«

We don't get any more information about this General and what he has to do with The Vampire, but... it gives us a clue how DeMenchev managed to find a way to not end up forgetting about The Peril of Kytar as well, like everyone else except Lankha. The reason Fekre seems to at least know something about The Vampire/Beylord despite probably having his memories decayed as well, is because he still has texts about him to read. And what does our dear researcher DeMenchev do? Diligently write in his journal... It should not be too difficult at all for DeMenchev to piece together what happened and maybe even find a way to get his memories back completely.

Remember The Warrior Spirit from JOI?

He tells us he »was tricked into defeating a witch, whom in return, placed a curse upon me and the entire town.«

The Warrior Spirit tells us he was a skilled warrior in his time. Sounds a lot like the Ex-General, Koden the Warrior to me. Except.. It can’t be him because a lot of the things he says just couldn’t have happened. Ex-General Koden is busy being king of the continent of Lanthys, he has no reason to be in Kytar. I do believe the Warrior Spirit probably served as the inspiration for Koden, but again, a lot of the things we learn in JOI are probably retconned.

A witch placing a curse on the entire town… would explain how the once dead townspeople roam the ruins of Maestyl as monsters in the future. And I can only think of one character who would be powerful enough and present at this moment in time to place this curse upon Maestyl: Lankha.

But why would she do that? Does she believe this a better fate for the people than being dead?

Well, Lankha is … a morally dubious character. She has capabilities for kindness, tutoring Lotus and teaching Varju the cat morph, but she also does things that are very selfish. Like tasking an assassin to steal a magical item from someone for her, or not warning the people that The Vampire has come to destroy them and the town. »I’m going to destroy the town, you know…« »Yes, I have foreseen that. But thank you for the warning. I believe I may have to move my business to a new location.«

She even allies with The Vampire, like she may have done in the past. Right now mostly for gold and probably for not wanting to get on his bad side. Even though she is capable of destroying The Vampire by turning into a giant undefeatable beast, she chooses not to. Perhaps there are consequences for turning into that form, and that’s why she’d rather not do it if given a choice.

Eventually, The Vampire heads to his manor.

We know DeMenchev is somewhere in the region, since he can be found while you play the other 4 characters during daytime. Most of the houses in Maestyl have been set ablaze. I wonder if he saw the glow of the fire and the smoke rising and decided to investigate, only to stumble upon the destruction of Maestyl. Aside from the raging fire, there would be no sound. No one would answer if he called out, and searching through the burning rubble he’d find no one left alive. He’d notice the one house left untouched. Heading inside he finds Lankha. Who probably foresaw his arrival, and similar to that one messed up timeline in OOT with The Occult Woman (who might be Lankha), directs him where The Vampire is. Or at least tells him it was The Vampire and not her who destroyed the town. And that’s how he figures where he has to head next, quickly.

I imagine, whatever interaction they had, it probably wasn’t pretty. Perhaps resulting with the town getting cursed by Lankha. Lankha foresaw what would happen, and did nothing to prevent it, as if the future is pre-determined. Which it isn't, anymore, thanks to DeMenchev literally defeating the entity in OOT who enforced determinism on the world. Maybe he begged her, maybe he demanded from her, maybe he threatened her, maybe he forced her to do something. Anything, to help the people of Maestyl. And she obliged. In her own way.

DeMenchev quickly makes is way through the manor, to that one room, busting in like the legend he is and interrupts The Vampire just before he tried to regain all of his powers.

They battle, DeMenchev looses, pulls a trick to escape and is now hunted across all of Arvale for years.

Disappearing like that instead of killing The Vampire, you know, »last resort« and all, is a… incredibly dangerous move for everyone else. With DeMenchev disappearing like that, he might no longer be in The Vampire’s focus and nothing is now stopping The Vampire from regaining all of his powers and terrorize people again.

When the most selfish and self destructive thing you’ve ever done is refusing to kill your ‘friend‘… That is so rough.

Thankfully, due to the sheer astronomical levels of rage and pettiness radiating from The Vampire, he does not end up doing that.

Instead, »Beylord wouldn't believe the old fool at first, and continued searching for several decades. When it was apparent that DeMenchev should have been dead from old age and Beylord was not able to find any traces of his body, Beylord conceded that perhaps DeMenchev was telling the truth. And so, still bent only on revenge, Beylord returned to his manor to wait until the day he felt DeMenchev's presence again. Until then, he slept... For centuries. «

This ending implies DeMenchev never makes it home, since The Vampire for centuries is not able to feel his presence (and subsequently The Beylord Spirit can never rest. Not until the day The Vampire is destroyed).

However… While playing Treasure of Memories, which takes place roughly 1000 years in the future from DeMenchev’s perspective, there’s this NPC who tells the tale of a once Great Library in Queous, DeMenchev’s hometown. I don’t remember DeMenchev’s exact reaction to this tale, but I recall him being very intrigued…

And it made me think, if anyone, it would be him, Arvale’s most famous researcher, trying to create this library, or play some role in its creation.

I know for a fact at the end of Treasure of Memories, he tries to head back home, somehow. Maybe he succeeds without getting The Vampire’s attention. Maybe.

I can't say for certain what will happen to The Vampire or The Beylord Spirit. Maybe Duncan still stumbles upon The Vampire in the future and destroys him for good, and The Beylord Spirit can finally rest. I can merely speculate. Remember those thieves from the very beginning? They're invisible to everyone, except Duncan, thanks to a certain Dragon infusing him with magic. Maybe that's why he can see certain spirits as well. Maybe The Beylord Spirit tasked him with destroying The Vampire.

Who knows for certain…

Except 🤖Jaybot7.

#arvale #arvale short tales #arvale 2 ocean of time #arvale journey of illusion #John DeMenchev #Beylord #vampire #art #duncan forsythe #rpg #retro rpg #lost media #For some reason the small font sometimes doesn't want to stay small. I don't know what's causing it #also sometimes the coloured text doesn't want to colour right ...#Beylord has such a fascinating implied narrative and I got obsessed. whoops.#I love DM. I love Beylord. They're both really fun and interesting characters to me. And you are telling me their stories intertwine?#you got me hooked

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slarpg · 2 years ago

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SUPER LESBIAN ANIMAL RPG v1.1 IS HERE! This is the most substantial patch since launch. On top of the usual bug fixes, we have new area maps, the new Additional Guidance mode, and most importantly... Melody now has a pet cat!! Look at him

As always, Steam users should get the patch automatically, while itch users can redownload the game from the store page. Common technical questions are also addressed in our FAQ page.

To try and manage expectations here, while this update contains more than the usual bug fixes, I don't currently have any plans to add a huge amount of content to the game. Right now I think it's already long enough, and the game's structure (with a definitive ending and no postgame) isn't conducive to adding DLC. And also, you know, what's there already took almost eight years of my life to make, and that kinda takes a lot out of you. But these additions felt like they would meaningfully improve the experience of what's already there.

Full changelog below!

v1.1 Changelog

"New content":

Additional Guidance mode can now be toggled on or off from the start of the game or via the in-game Options menu! When enabled, this will occasionally offer more direct hints on what to do next in a few specific parts of the game for more story-focused players - particularly a few puzzle segments, as well as helping you find the side content late in the game.

Ultimately, the total number of hints added across the game is low. Exploration, dungeon puzzles, and returning to previously-visited areas with new tools are core pillars of SLARPG's design, and I don't want to hold the player's hand every step of the way. But these specific bits have been parts where some players just gave up and messaged me (usually at like 3am), or posted a cry for help in the #SLARPG tag on Twitter. Which isn't optimal! So now an extra nudge in the right direction exists in-game, should you ever need it.

New area maps have been added for the Amber Woods, Sapphire Coast, and Uncanny Valley! They can be acquired from Park Ranger Taylor, the beach souvenir shop (first accessible in Act III), and Rafael, respectively.

And finally, as was originally intended, Melody now has... a pet cat in her house!! He is truly the most important part of this patch, and the most important thing that will ever be patched into the game.

Other tweaks:

Unrevealed enemies should no longer have their health bars displayed when using multi-target attacks.

The menu (and, by extension, the options menu) can now be accessed during the Prologue.

Fixed the Bestiary entries for the Loot Scooter and Helper Jelly not properly unlocking in the Sapphire Coast.

The animation for Megalith from the Geomancer Spellbook now plays for each individual enemy that's caught in its area of effect. (A compatibility issue was found with the script that made AoE attacks only play one animation, and this was the only skill in the game that needed said script.)

Originally the columns in the last "puzzle" room of the Flurry Mountains had no collision because that room is just a joke and I didn't want people to get stuck in a maze that exists purely for a gag but they now have collision so that I stop receiving bug reports about it

Added new line when entering the Fortune Teller's shop late in Act IV (or Act V) saying that he can help locate uncompleted major side quests at that point in the story. (He will now also point you in the direction of Fawna's side quest if you haven't completed it.)

A backup method of acquiring the missable Spellbook in Act III has been added late in Act IV. (You can still only get it once.)

The Crypt boss can no longer be defeated in a way that makes a certain unique status ailment remain after the battle.

There's now an additional warning at save points past the point of no return.

Other minor fixes.

Enjoy the update, everyone!

#update

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miloscat · 6 months ago

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[Review] The Legend of Korra (PS3)

A budget Avatar game done right.

Platinum Games are well known as specialists in "character action" games, flashy brawlers with tight controls. Around this time in the studio's life (2014-2016) they cranked out a few smaller licensed games like Transformers Devastation, a Ninja Turtles game, and this. These are normally seen as lesser compared to their flagship titles but they still have a solid gameplay core, and compared to some other Avatar games I've played recently this one really shines.

I've been rewatching Korra for the first time since its broadcast and absolutely loving it. The ideal for a tie-in game like this is a new story, so I was pleased to see new events in this poorly-titled game taking place between Books 2 and 3... now, the actual gap between seasons of the show is small, but they managed to squeeze a little week-long adventure in there. The settings and array of baddies to beat up are very much rehashed from Books 1 and 2, but a new antagonist with a wacky reveal gives it some spice.

After Korra is ambushed in the streets of Republic City, she finds her bending once again blocked. A creepy old wizard man has nefarious plans for her, and she travels through the new Spirit Wilds districts, to Air Temple Island, to the South Pole, and eventually into the Spirit World to stop him. He can summon dark spirits but has also coerced Equalists, paid off Triads, and acquired mecha tanks to stop her. It's a small, self-contained story but comes with some nice cutscenes animated well in the style of the show by American studio Titmouse.

The voice acting is also authentic with the show's actors returning... although, the budget scope is indicated here again. Jinora shows up in spirit form to give exposition, and there are minor appearances by Tenzin, Mako, Bolin, and Shiro Shinobi the pro bending commentator with a few lines each, but most of the time Korra is just talking to herself. The creative staff on the show also were involved, with the show's writing and art leads contributing the story, writing, and character design.

As for the gameplay, it works very well. Korra has her four bending styles that are unlocked gradually, each one giving you different options: for example, waterbending allows for ranged attacks, earthbending is slow and powerful, fire is fast, and airbending comes last and has totally OP area effect attacks. Each style has its own experience bar that unlocks new moves, and you can customise further with some powerful modifiers bought from Iroh's shop (get the health regen comb asap!). Aside from the four fighting styles, guard countering is very important, as well as knowing when to dodge and the occasional mini-QTE against bender characters. Another central mechanic is chi charging, where you can hold an attack button to charge up and fill your chi bar, which then powers up all your attacks before it drains. It's a little risk-reward thing but managing your bar becomes essential and makes for an interesting balance during combat sequences.

Between all the knocking heads, there's some light exploration and platforming. The structure of levels reminded me of Platinum's recent World of Demons: pretty straightforward with some short side paths for goodies, only more developed and three-dimensional. There's occasional pro bending segments, that use a stripped-down control scheme, as well as a side mode where you play out a series of bouts. There's also Naga sequences presented as three-lane 3D autorunners, which are a decent change of pace (although I did spend a torturous hour or two doing the triple-mecha tank Naga-back boss fight in Extreme mode). They're a million times better than the animal-riding bits in Quest for Balance, at least.

Although Platinum are known for their demanding action games, there are plenty of concessions here that make Korra accessible, from difficulty select to the shop's talismans that can give you a leg up. You still get ranked on each battle but I didn't have much trouble doing well, especially after unlocking the better combos and items. Most of the time I didn't find it harsh unless I'd chosen the specific tradeoffs that made it rougher, and dying is only penalised by starting the current fight over again.

This is pretty much one of the best Avatar games out there; a strong gameplay foundation, authenticity in presentation, a little sprinkling of fanservice here and there, doesn't overstay its welcome... too bad it was delisted a mere three years after release! It was on PC as well as both the PS3 and PS4 generation consoles, although I didn't have a PS4 in 2014 when I bought it so I dusted off my PS3 for this. It performed very well despite being "last-gen" at the time, and barely feels dated technologically even now. There must be a way to pirate it, hopefully, and I recommend it for Korra fans. Otherwise, there's a 37-minute video that stitches the cutscenes together with short bridging gameplay snippets that I'd recommend. Either way, don't miss it!

#the legend of korra #avatar #avatar the last airbender #avatar the legend of korra #platinum games #review #ps3

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psycho-skeleton-games · 18 days ago

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BIG PINNED POST WOAH!!

Psycho Skeleton Games is a small game dev team made up of @evthemango and @justamediocrezombie, we're both just beginners but we have big plans! Hope you can help out, honestly any little bit helps- We know that's a Tesco saying, shush- Anyway, here's some things to keep in mind when on this blog! Post- Uh, yeah.

SOCIALS:

Now those are out the way, here's a disclaimer. PLEASE REMEMBER WE HAVE OUR PRIVATE LIVES AND DIGGING INTO THEM TO STALK, HARASS OR OBSESS OVER US IS CROSSING THE LINE AND YOU WILL BE CALLED OUT AND BLOCKED.

IF YOU DONATE TO US, WE DO NOT OWE YOU ANYTHING PERSONALLY UNLESS IT IS STATED.

Gonna drop you through a portal now!

WE DO NOT SUPPORT PROSHIPPERS.

If you have any AU's to suggest, please do, message or send an ask, if the owner is a proshipper, it will have to be excluded, we do not wish to promote any of the things people in that community do. (In rare cases we will have cover's of those AU's.)

Q&A

"Why did you decide to make this?" - On a personal level, I feel there needs to be many more games like Pony Town! It's a great socialising game for people who have long distance friends/partners, we wanted to make that but Undertale and with a few more things to do around the world of Undertale!

"What would we be able to do?" - Make new friends, make friend groups, take on quests with said friends, maybe even just do the quests alone! Plus there's even going to be boss battles! Perhaps even event missions! Imagine a Halloween trick or treat game, hehe!

"How long will it take for this to be fully out?" - To be honest, it was never "fully" be out, we'll likely always be adding new things, or adding things wanted by fans!

"Why don't you support proshippers?" - It is extremely triggering to many people, it is not a good way to cope, we ask that you please please seek help if you support this kind of thing, you may have been tricked into believing it is perfectly fine just because it is fictional, but it is not ok in any way, it is harmful to both you and others mental health, many people of the proshipping community tend to groom, manipulate and trigger people, all on purpose. To add on, there is a concerning amount of adults in that community, suggesting more evidence towards it just being a place for groomers to try avoid being called out. "Will there be varying body types?" - Yes! Thin, chubby, fat, whatever you desire, dear friends! We're adding it all!

"Is (sfw) ecto an option?" - Yes! Zombie will be working on that once skeleton bases are finished I believe!

"Is it a fully skeleton monster based game or are there options to be another kind of monster?" - All monsters, including more, are included! To all you Toriel or Temmie lovers, worry not! Sans is not the only important monster in the AU community!

"Will the game environment be a plain clearing like Pony Town?" - You'll start off in a clear centre of the surface city! you can go up to explore the more expensive side or go down to see the more less bustling side of the city, to one side you'll find Mt Ebott with a forest that is guarded by a particular "Crack-head" skeleton, to the other, perhaps an ocean full of unknown life! (We're still planning it all out, so it might change from what is described here).

"Will there be monsters that are from solely AUs and not based off the base game? (Very obvious example is Android monsters)" - Likely later on in development.

"Will there be humans?" - Yup! Though probably in an update, who knows.

Q&A OVER.

Bye for now!!

#pinned post #pinned info #blog #gamedev #q&a #important #socials #undertale #rpg #undertale rpg #au's undertale #Psycho Skeleton Games

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thessalian · 7 months ago

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Thess vs Cauldron IOTA

Well. That was ... more than I was expecting it to be. I mean, the Cauldron too, but also just ... everything I ended up doing the last few hours. Sometimes Horizon Forbidden West is just ... chasing campfires is like chasing related links on Wikipedia - it never ends, and it takes you to places you don't necessarily expect.

Right. Big crevice through there, maybe that'll help. But I'll approach from above because something's going to be guarding...

Aaaaaaaaaaaaand you're all standing just out of view. Fine. I will jump into this bush and then I will quietly murder you.

Ah, here we go. Wow; this thing's a fair bit more heavily guarded than the last one. Maybe they used beasties to give us the problems instead of just ... accessibility?

Okay, they're using both, but this could be worse...

You want me to do WHAT?!?

First attempt: failure. THIS IS NOT MY FAULT I WAS PRESSING THE BUTTON AND ALOY WOULD NOT JUMP GAH I HATE THIS. Well, at least I didn't die-die. I guess those few Survivor passives I picked up were worth it.

Second attempt: Success! Okay, now can I finally go into the Cauldron? THANK you.

Right. What's going to come at me? Rollerback, if I remember right. What don't Rollerbacks like? Purgewater? Acid? I'll go for one of each. Why not? I craft traps; may as well use them.

Oh the traps were a good thing because that came out of nowhere so lemme just step out of the way so I can shoot when it's weakened from--

...Did ... did I just one-shot a Rollerback with an acid trap? I mean, okay, it was an advanced acid trap, but... Wow. I should set up trapped sniper's nests more often.

Right. It couldn't be that easy, could it. Now, how do I get down without dying? Okay, here we go.

Wait.

Waitwut.

Waitwutno.

AAAAAAAAAAAA!

Okay got through that first time! Great! Now ... onward to clearing ... debris ... off a Tallneck head.

Okay, so I am supposed to just jump on its head. Okay.

So I just ride this head to-- Oh, FUCK OFF!

First attempt: failure. And actual death because I didn't prioritise the one with the ranged concussive blasts that can knock me off the damn Tallneck head. AIM BETTER, IDIOT.

Second attempt: success! Managed to one-shot everything, so that's good.

Right. Compared to some of the jumping puzzle shit I've been doing, this is easy. And I actually get to climb the Tallneck this time! I used to get a bit stressed over those, but seriously - compared to some of this shit? EASY.

TALLNEEEEEEEECK! And that just ... unlocked ... everything I'd already unlocked through exploration anyway. But never mind!

Okay, collecting campfires I missed last time and I think there's some greenshine and a data entry around here somewhere--

Wait. Wut.

Where the fuck did this Thunderjaw come from, and why the fuck is it charging right for me when I wasn't anywhere near it?!?

...Wait. Does that say APEX?!?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Okay. Fine. That's done. Greenshine. Sommeliers complaining. Stuff.

GO AWAY YOU LUNATIC MACHINES I WAS ONLY TRYING TO HUNT OWLS.

Look, Chargers, stop staring at me; I was only trying to shoot the damn goose! Okay, fine, you die too.

There's a ... Tremortusk out there? I WANNA SEE-- Oh. They're saving that for boss battle or something, aren't they. Boo.

But at least there's greenshine behind some firegleam and... Wait. Did that just give me the option to catch the salmon? Like, with my hands or something? I may have preferred shooting them but this'll do! POUCH UPGRADES!

Right. Question mark over there and... Oh. Rebels. They're probably guarding a campfire or something; lemme just get those out of my way and--

Oh.

I just ... started ... a rebel camp side quest. By accident. Oh well; never leave a job half-finished!

I really love it when none of them get a shot off at me. More tags. I will figure out what those are for eventually. Maybe even without Googling it. (I lie - I will almost definitely Google it because the curiosity is killing me.)

Okay. Right. Yes. I really need to log off now. Just lemme get to a shelter and-- YES! POUCH UPGRADES! Fine, it's regular ammo only, but I'll find moonfish eventually. AND I got to upgrade my short-range combat bow, because one-shotted Rollerback!

So a day in which I got stuff done, virtually speaking. Hell, I got Motherfucking Adult Stuff done too; took out the garbage and cleaned out the fridge in preparation for the groceries arriving tomorrow. This month has some gloriousness; there's going to be roast chicken and roast pork, and I am going to boil the chicken bones for stock (with herbs out of my very own little balcony-and-windowsill garden), and the leftovers will probably go into a jambalaya-ish sort of thing, or maybe a couple of batches of risotto. And I have fixings for chilli, and for bolognaise sauce. Add some gluten-free breaded chicken fillets (for lazy chicken katsu curry) and some of the long-life usuals (tinned tuna and frozen broccoli for the tuna broccoli lemon pasta, stuff like that), and with the occasional stop for fresher ingredients, I will eat well this month, and possibly on into next month.

I also treated myself to some coffee ice cream and fixings for French toast, because Being A Motherfucking Adult means you can have treats if you want them. And it's been a hard week.

#Thess plays video games #Thess liveblogs Horizon Forbidden West #Thess cooks #Thess is a motherfucking adult

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kaileidoscopio · 4 months ago

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i finally caved and bought assassin's creed unity because it was on sale and i had some spare money in my steam account from when i bought a gift card ages ago and holy shit???? like i was aware everyone loves this game and i knew that it was the first game to release in 8th gen consoles, that it had a new engine (compared to the last, what? four/five games that all had the same engine and parkour systems). I knew that the parkour was amazing and the setting more so but oh. my. god. there are so many details in this game and now i fully understand why people say that the franchise has gone downhill ever since ive only ever played older games (ive 100%ed 3 and rogue, played through black flag and brotherhood and played a bit of 2 and revelations) and this is So different from what im used to. the parkour system going back to the og roots of the player having more control as opposed to just pressing a button, but making it much more fluid and quick?? at some point when i was running through the streets i felt that arno was slower than connor or shay but that just encouraged me to parkour more and i definetly did not feel slow when parkouring idk if they changed the combat or not but it feels much more challenging than the combat of the games ive played. in those it was literally never a match, the only enemies that presented any kind of difficulty were special challenge ones or "boss" enemies, but when fighting normal soldiers the character just felt godlike. but maybe they didnt change anything there and its because i havent played in a long while and im still getting used to it idk ALSO character customization?????? I always hated going back to playing 3 after playing rogue because the outfit options of 3 are just. so bland. you have like 4 special unlockable outfits but one is a 100% reward (which means you have to complete the impossible side quests of battle of bunker hill) and the other is literal prisoner clothes; other than that you just have recolours of the main outfit and like, the outfit looks cool but theres no variety. with rogue there are a bunch of outfits and part of the fun i had was changing outfits to fit what i was doing. am i sailing and battling other ships as i go? captain outfit. am i infiltrating a fort during the night? dark assassin outfit. am i looking for buried chests in random uninhabited islands? explorer or tracker outfit. you get the idea. almost every outfit looks cool af and i spent almost as much time changing outfits as i spent in tailing missions (/hj) and dear god???? unity???? it lets me individually select outfit pieces??? i can create my own outfit??? and omg how i love the fact that there are NORMAL clothes in this like the whole point of the assassins is that they hide in plain sight, its RIGHT THERE in their initiation ritual/pledge/whatever. and yet they go around in the most royally expensive outfit youve seen with a 3 barrel gun, a battle axe, a sword, a knife, an axe and a fucking bow and quiver. like his ass is NOT going undetected. its always bothered me, like shay i get because he's a templar and templars are all flashy rich asses who can go around dressed like that. but then you have every single person on the street dressed up in dirty clothes with no shoes and you show up with THIS https://static.wikia.nocookie.net/assassinscreed/images/5/52/ACIII-AssassinOutfit.png/revision/latest?cb=20121216073536

and with the character/outfit customization in unity i can finally dress my character in clothes that, yknow, actually blend in also oh my fucking god the amount of colour palettes i can choose from, i am never playing this game i will spend forever in the equipment tab like its the mf sims 4 cas

#me talks #assassin's creed #ac unity #i spent too much time writing this when i couldve been playing the game #bye bye

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roadtodeltarune · 11 months ago

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Earthbound Beginnings: Week 1

Wow! I missed the first-week update, my bad! Good thing I never promised frequent updates. It's kinda strange though, I feel like I'm deep in the game but also not far in at all.

So far I've named my characters. I think I'll go for a vegetable theme this playthrough. Maybe Earthbound/Mother 2 will be fruits?

I went through the tutorial easily enough, leveled up on some early overworld encounters, and made it to Poduk. The cemetery quest was a little scary, but then I had enough to buy the wooden bat and felt super strong! I also bought the Canary Chick. After that, I went to the zoo. It sucked there! So glad that's done with. I did forget to get the badge, so that made it worse before I looked up a walkthrough.

I should note I'm doing this mostly blind. I only looked up a walkthrough for the zoo and for later when I was walking in circles.

While on the said walkthrough, however; I found out I missed the Canary Village, which was a cute little side quest.

Done with everything there, I went exploring, found out I needed to head NorthEast, and made my way into the mountains

The enemies in this part of the game are getting stranger and stranger!

Not deterred, I found the cave and went to Magicant! I will say I feel proud of myself for making my way there without a guide. They did a good job on that part!

So far, I've done some exploring. I am sad to say, three Birdmen have fallen. I didn't know they couldn't be revived until the first was gone. The other two I used to help me explore, level up, and get money!

I also didn't know about the present trick in the castle, so I'm stuck with a ruler. But, I did get enough money to buy armor! Now I'm feeling much stronger! I plan on trying to find an exit from here so I can get more melodies for the queen.

Before I go, I want to say a few things that bother me as I feel I might forget about them later.

First, the movement is clunky. Sometimes it's smooth, other times I'm stuck and need to move the joystick far to start walking again. Everything needs big turns! Also, the power creep is a bit crazy! But it's easy to level up so I guess it's not that bad. However, StarManJr was awful! I needed an optional item to be safe from his one-hit-KO move? And it was super strong with lots of defense on top of that? Insane! I hope this isn't a pattern for the bosses.

Well, that's all from me. Until next time! I don't know if I'll get a week update out, cause I'll be focused with the Pokemon DLC; but I'll be playing as much as I can! Maybe I'll even play Undertale: Yellow down this road!

#earthbound #undertale #toby fox #mother #deltarune

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foulserpent · 3 years ago

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very curious to see how you'd approach fixing the bard's college questline!

heres just off the top of my head. im thinking it has a somewhat comedic (but not outright 100% silly) tone and be really focused on the role of story and song as a chronicle of history.

the dragonborn joins the college, only to find theyre mostly there to be hired muscle and to help train a more promising bard apprentice by being a muse for their songs- you do the college’s busywork, and they try to write inspiring music about it.

the apprentice bard is deeply enamored with skyrim’s bardic history and the roles of bards in battle and politics. and they dont like you very much and make scathing passive aggressive songs about you, just bc that would be funny. depending on your choices they might eventually grow more friendly with you but should never give you the hero treatment.

the fetch quests for instruments can still be there, but the intent is to play up the humor of the situation (youre hired muscle and this bard who thinks you suck is writing scathing songs about your performance) and diversify the situations a bit

finn’s lute: the lute was stolen by some bandits, one of whom is making bank going from town to town with it as a bard. theyre a charming thief and have a way with words, and no ones gonna side with you over him. he’s very weak and not much of a fight, but hangs out in busy taverns and it will be VERY hard to kil or steal from him and get away with it. you have options as to how to deal with this, including murder, theft, doing him a “favor” (stealing something else for him of greater value as a trade or maybe resolving a conflict with the other bandits), etc. none of the options are particularly glorious and your partner writes a song about the mighty hero begrudgingly making shady deals with a twinkish thief in a tavern.

panteas flute: a necromancer stole a flute, and now theres whispers of strange music and sounds of revelry in the marshes at night... this is bc the necromancer HAS actually enchanted it to ‘make the dead dance’. you find them in a grove, at the remains of what looks to be some wild bacchic revelry where all the people are dead except for the necromancer. they play the flute, which reanimates the corpses in waves, with some of them attacking you and some just dancing. your partner watches from a safe vantage point and commentates on your performance.

rjorn’s drum: i dont really remember doing this one ingame. basic summary is ‘find lost drum of a 2nd era battle drummer (who turns out to have been lured to his death in this cairn by a powerful draugr lord) which i think could be interesting.. i guess it would be cool if it could bring the historical element into it more , like we learn about what a battle drummer was. might be corny but it also might be fun if during the boss battle, the ghost of rjorn manifests and plays a warsong that gives you advantage in the battle. your partner joins in

the “tending the flames” quest comes AFTERWORDS and is the grand culmination of events. id want it to be very much steeped in history and kind of exploring the role of the bard in nordic culture. we NEED to be able to read more of the poetic edda since its like, the bardic history of skyrim.

i think it would be interesting if the ghost of the bard svaknir (who accompanies you) uses the Voice in song form, which im not sure if thats technically just a headcanon or not but it would be really interesting. he definitely should be singing AND fighting (instead of just fighting and yelling) but you cant actually talk to him or get him to tell you the verses.

once you recover the verse, viarmo is like “god damnit this is barely intact. UGH. come see me later” as-is ingame and the quest is on hold. and this bit might be stupid but here me out:

at this point, you can wait a few days and get a summons to return to the college and complete the quest as normal. but youll hear rumors like “theyre saying that something happened at dragonsreach.. that big dragon skull is gone!!” it adds a miscellaneous quest.

you go investigate, and theres a big fucking hole in the walls where numinex’s skull used to be. a guard was like “damndest thing. it just went FLYING!”, its implied that this was numinex being resurrected by alduin.

your partner, a devoted bard very interested in the college’s history, is like “HOLY SHIT LETS GO FIND NUMINEX TO HEAR THE STORY STRAIGHT FROM HIM!!!” theyre really enthusiastic about this as a way to both learn this mysterious segment of history and as a more dignified way to save the verses than “making shit up”. you can choose to accept this or to go “no way lol” and just complete the quest as normal by making up new verses. (choosing to visit numinex will gain your partners approval, choosing not to will make them think youre lame)

if you accept, your partner is like “hmmm well all the stories say numinex roosted on mount anthor. lets check there”. you go there, he’s there, but not quite himself. he’ll be willing to talk with you, though very rude. he doesnt care that much about the silly little human festival, but he’s really quite lonely, lamenting about his imprisonment and eager to tarnish the reputation of the foul nord that captured him. one way or the other, you can get his side of the story in order to truly restore the poetic edda. you can go through this without him becoming hostile, and afterwords he can be found here or at the throat of the world, chatting with paarthurnax

either way, the ending is similar- you can tell the story as numinex told it, or you can make shit up like you do ingame. the festival is a success, and the bards college starts treating you like an actual bard. you can now actually play instruments, and earn money in little sidequests to perform at inns and at events and stuff, help write songs, etc.

maybe as a final little thing.. your partner asks you to accompany them to bard’s leap. if you do that, and you jump alongside them, theyll finally respect you . (just a bit) and they can be a permanent companion

#anon

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sonicasura · 3 years ago

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Top 5 Game Series That Need The N.Sane Treatment

Crash Bandicoot was a series that hadn't been seen for years until the Crash Bandicoot N.Sane Trilogy was revealed to the world. Thanks to this trilogy, not only was the franchise revitalized but we also got a sequel for Crash Warped in the form of Crash 4: It's About Time.

This is a recipe that could potentially bring games lost in obscurity back into the limelight but even a chance for new games to come. Here are some of my picks!

1. Jak and Daxter

One of the games that seriously needs the N.Sane Trilogy treatment. Jak and Daxter was a game series made by Naughty Dog that would inspire many platforms after. It stars the Demolition Duo, Jak and his partner ottsel, Daxter, on incredible adventures that change in tone over each game. You begin with a goofy island adventure to a dark futuristic playground as new mechanics get introduced.

Out of the main trio which consists of Jak, Sly, and Ratchet, Jak was actually the first game I played amongst them. A series that needs a comeback especially with the Easter Eggs often seen in Ratchet and Clank games throughout the years.

Touch up the graphics into a different style depending on the game, the Precursor Legacy be a bit more cartoony in appearance like Crash 4, and then switch to a style similar to the N.Sane Trilogy for the darker games like Jak 2 and 3.

Adjust the controls to run smoother, change difficulty of certain games like lower the difficulty of Jak 2 a smidge and place an optional mode to play with the original difficulty.

This would lay down the groundwork for an actual proper sequel, Jak X feels more like a side game while Lost Frontier is a snore fest.

If Naughty Dog doesn't take this route and continues pushing out flavorless games, I suggest any decent company that can do should buy the rights to Jak and Daxter. This is a gold mine covered in dust that needs to come back!

2. Sly Cooper

Yep! We're going to the other member of this once legendary trio, Sly Cooper. Sly Cooper was the second game series from Sucker Punch that I played, the first being Infamous series.

This game revolves around a group of thieves who steal from criminals and tend to get wrapped up in saving the world a few times or battling enemies out to end the bloodline of the main character, Sly Cooper, who comes from a legendary family of thieves.

Before the series disappeared into discontinuity, we had a total of 3 main games alongside one made by Sanzaru. Sanzaru's Thieves of Time was decent but midway World 3, the quality seriously declined and left fans with a very unsatisfied ending. Perfect for crossovers but terrible for the franchise.

Giving this game the N.Sane Trilogy treatment would not only give a more successful chance than attempts to make a movie, but it could to more proper sequel than Sanzaru's version. Use a design similar to Sanzaru's or go for a more rounded one like N.Sane Trilogy.

Ratchet and Clank Rift Apart even had an Easter Egg with Sly in it too! Insomniac acknowledges that these game series still exist by dropping these little nuggets of nostalgia, take the hint and bring back the Legendary Playstation Trio!

3. Spectrobes

Nintendo's alternate version of Pokemon. Spectrobes is a trilogy game series that debuted on the DS and last game was made for the Wii.

This series revolves around Rallen and Jeena, two members of the Nanairo Patrol, as they search for the fossils of creatures of light known as Spectrobes to find the planet devouring darkness known as Krawl.

You travel through various planets to uncover different kinds of fossils and some very interesting or whacky but loveable characters. It has elements similar to Fossil Fighters where you have to dig up fossils before awakening them. Care for your Spectrobes to battle the Krawl.

The evolving battle system, new mechanics, various locales and the unique design of each Spectrobe were something I loved but pretty sure many would like too. It even had a book and a mini series on YouTube! The game's graphics could take a route similar to Rayman Legends or Dragonball FighterZ.

Don't go for Jump Force please. We need actual expression than stiff faces and aggravating screams.

This is game series worth bringing back even if it just gets a remake.

4. Golden Sun

Another Nintendo franchise that needs return from obscurity. Golden Sun was a JRPG that came along systems like the Gameboy Advance during a severe lack of games for it. It revolves around different groups of people who use Psynergy, their version of alchemy, to battle evil as they travel the realm of Weyward.

A great game series enriched by its many characters, lore, growing battle system such as Djnn and Summons to turn the tide in battles, unique story and all sorts of areas to explore.

The biggest dent to the franchise was Dark Dawn because of its questionable ending that left many players confused or dissatisfied despite the incredible graphics, plot and character interactions. After that no one has heard a single word about any sequel.

The N.Sane Treatment would not only bring the franchise back for fans both new and old but can actually fix the questionable ending for Dark Dawn. Graphic style, um, I guess something similar to Dragon Quest or maybe Persona. Persona would be the better option considering how you choose how the main character responds to certain situations.

This series has been done dirty and deserves a second chance like this.

5. Kid Icarus

A Nintendo franchise that shows bringing back old games can revitalize a lost series.

This game series is at the bottom for a decent reason actually. Masahiro Sakurai has been hearing requests about porting one of the games, Uprising, to the Switch. Something that he sounds like he wants to do but there is a problem as he admits it would be difficult.

How Uprising is made for the 3DS such as the dual screens, and specific use of the touch screen for combat. Something that can't easily be translated to something like the Switch without decent changes.

The game revolves around the angel Pit, who fights the evil forces of the Underworld with assistance from his Goddess Palutena. Each game changes the rules of battle with the greatest being Uprising as you combat various creatures and even bosses revolve mostly around Greek mythology.

I think the N. Sane Trilogy can work with this. The first Kid Icarus and the second Of Myth and Monsters might be what could provide the missing pieces for the Uprising Switch Port Situation.

Both games could be completely restyled in a format that could be similar to Zelda since in these games, your options of weapons are limited and you have to think smart for particular puzzles.

They can be used to lay down a format that can built on for an Uprising Remake since Land Battles are one half of the essential gameplay. The graphics can be Uprising since it's already a perfect that just needs to be brushed up a bit.

When it comes to Super Smash Brothers, Sakurai worked hard to make characters like Minecraft Steve or Fighting Game fighters such as Ryu and Kazuya fit into the gameplay even if it meant changing about every hitbox and aspect of the stages. A little help can go a long way.

That's what I've got for now. If I find anymore games that need the N. Sane Trilogy then I'll put em in a new list. Until next time folks!

#my personal opinion #jak and daxter #sly cooper #golden sun #kid icarus #spectrobes #sonicasura #nintendo #playstation #crash bandicoot #video games #video game idea #remakes #video game series #naughty dog #sucker punch #camelot #disney interactive studios #top 5 list

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latin-dr-robotnik · 3 years ago

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I meant to translate this from Spanish a while ago, and since now I’m in a fully SonAmy mood might as well do it.

We came up with a little side-quest story idea for Sonic Rangers, and that includes our favorite emotional support hedgehogs meeting up and having a small adventure together.

Picture this: the open world of Sonic Rangers includes many opportunities for Sonic to run into his friends and maybe help them in character-driven quest chains, not unlike games such as The Witcher 3 or even the Yakuza series and their substories. In this particular encounter, Sonic runs into Amy in the forest, planning something.

There’s a big Eggman-controlled robot blockade set up just outside the main city zone of the map, and Amy wants to take it down before Eggman can deploy more forces and invade the city for good. Sonic can agree to help her beat some robot butt and together they stage an attack on the robots, adding some charming dialogue and a bit of teasing as they execute Amy’s plan.

After cleaning up the blockade, Amy asks Sonic if he could escort her to check if anyone in the city needs help, and the player has the option to accept the request or decline it and end the quest there. If the player accepts, they will return to gameplay and run to the city.

What Sonic didn’t notice until he was in there is that there’s a massive theme park, bigger and better than Twinkle Park will ever be, and that this whole quest could have been something Amy planned all along just to go on a date. Sonic’s suspicions seem to be confirmed as soon as Amy suggests they could check out the park, since they’re already there. The player once again has the option to accept or decline, and if they accept, a sequence like SA1 Twinkle Park will play out, but with a lot more fun dialogue involved.

After roaming up and down and all around the park, Sonic is about to call it quits since it wasn’t on his plans to go so far out of his way, but right in that moment a big Eggman robot lands in the park, forcing Sonic and Amy to fight this mini-boss together.

At the end, Amy remarks how this was probably one of the best dates she’s ever had in her life and Sonic, while still a bit upset at Amy for leading him into all this thing, low-key admits he had more fun today than he anticipated, and soon the two of them separate... until next time.

The beauty of these types of sidequests would focus on: 1) having some quality character interactions that don’t really tie into the main narrative (”loyalty quests” could still be a requisite to reach the “best ending” though); 2) add more meaningful side content for the player to explore; 3) share a spotlight on other secondary characters (imagine running into quests for Silver, Big, even the Chaotix.) Of course this is all fanfiction-y and not a real Rangers proposal or anything, but my friends and I had a lot of fun coming up with this stuff :P

#sonic the hedgehog #sonamy #sonic rangers #is it time for us to start using the one tag...?#sonamy rangers #when are we going to start writing true rangers fanfics? hehe

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botwstoriesandsuch · 4 years ago

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Sidequests are part of the story so it’s still my ballpark shut up it’s time for

Read Part 1 here!

Part 2 || Part 3

If you’re on mobile, and tumblr hates this post, follow along on this google doc!

Rules/overview this rewrite in the beginning of Part 1

- - - - - - - - - -

Side quests, side quests, side quests. What are they? And what are they doing here, on an Age of Calamity rewrite? I must admit, game design is not an inherent forte of mine, and I like to think that my only “expertise” would be on writing and storytelling. So what the fuck is a fool like me doing here

Well my dear ladies, lads, and gentlefolk, if your memory does serve, I did say that the format of Age of Calamity was one that served the major plot and story beats for it’s cutscenes, and its worldbuilding and good parts of it’s character development for its gameplay and side quests. It’s actually a concept that can be seen in shows and movies too, although obviously it’s origins are in TTRPGs and videogames. Definition wise, a side quest is any deviation from the main story and plot that serves to flesh out an optional/overseen aspect of the game. So there’s out perfect outlet for worldbuilding, characters, and even a bit of humour. Side quests, by definition, can’t simply be just XP grinders, because otherwise you could…..just make an XP grinder. It’s like saying you’re getting your kids a bike, but then you get them a stationary exercise one. Sure it’s functionally the same and gives the same benefits, but it could be so much more.

Does Age of Calamity have good side quests? I’d actually argue, yes. I mean sure, it’s not exactly gonna hold a candle to Fallout or Witcher 3, but there are great memorable side quests that do serve their purposes in this game.

A fan favourite is “The So-Called Knight,” in which Link spars Mipha, Teba, Sidon, and Revali, a conflict of the Sidon’s confidence and belief in Link, with Revali’s skepticism and grudge against him. Not only is it great fandom content, but it explores the carrying POVs of several characters in a fun way. We also have Hestu’s Dance Competition, and the Miss Vai Battle Pageant. What they lack in serious character tone, they make up for in humour and world building. Even the quests that have nothing to do with the main cast of characters, like the Questionable Escort Mission, still provide funny and interesting details about the world, like how the Yiga Clan is still ever persistent in trying to take down Link with monsters and Windcleavers alike.

It’s not like those side quests were functionally useless either, all of them still provided great amounts of exp and materials. What specifically made them great and memorable was their small little stories and character/world details. Of course, that’s not to say you can’t have the occasional plotless boss rush every now and again, those are fun in their own right and it’s good to have variety. But just thinking about it...what were everyone’s least favourite sidequests? The timed Yiga Escape? The ones where you sit around defending strongholds? The one hit death Hair-Width Trials? Ah...so all the least enjoyable side quests were the ones that were difficult, with no enjoyable character or worldbuilding to back it up….interesting interesting….interesting pattern indeed.

So, let’s improve the game a bit further. I do need to pace out my future character arcs somehow. I tried to make use of the existing quests where I could, but it’s just eaaaasier to just not think about it and do it from scratch. Just shove these in place of all those quests whose only description is “monsters have been spotted here! Take Mipha and go to work!” and stuff like that. Alrighty then! Here’s my take on cool side quests for every single character thus far, along with their paired gambit attacks. Prepare for heists! Drama! Simping! And Bananas!

Link: Mastering Stasis

Ok I have no idea when this quest unlocks so just for my purposes assume this only becomes available after Link pulls the Master Sword.

Engage the hordes of monsters that have been spotted in Hyrule Field. Now is a great time to master the use of the Stasis Rune. Impa and Zelda accompany you, but it seems stasised monsters aren’t the only thing coming to a tense standstill…

This isn’t anything that special, I just want to further highlight this tension that Zelda and Link have, as it’s something touched upon in Botw, but never really mentioned or used ever in Hwaoc. Now more than ever, Zelda has an excuse to have a rocky relationship with him because she could actively see just how far he’s coming in such a short amount of time. Classic “he probably hates me so I guess I’ll hate him” thing.

You play as Link, the game gives you your little prompts on how to use Stasis, you take out a few hordes of Bokoblins and blah blah blah. I wanted to use an earlier level to establish Zelda’s relationship sooner as obviously it’s gonna be important to the story. But of course like all side quests it won’t kill you to skip out. Text dialogue can be Zelda saying science shit like “This will be a good opportunity to test out the full limits of the Stasis rune” and then Impa’s all “Yep! We got your back, Princess! We’ll clear out these monsters in no time.”Then Link the little angsty shit that he is says nothing, and as you play you clear out more and more bokoblins Zelda just says “...” and then we can toss in a Moblin or two in there for gambit voice stuff.

Gambit dialogue with Impa would be supportive, her usual spunky dialogue. I had two ideas for Gambit attacks with Link: One where Impa does that thing where she cuts a giant laser through the air, but it’s aimed towards Link and he parries it right in a monster’s FACE because I think it’s badass and also a good way to show trust and stuff. The second thing was Impa’s giant bomb barrels, but Link is the one to somehow ignite them, because he is an arsonist after all. He can even have a chaotic Sheikah blue glint in his eyes like blue flame, I can already picture it so clearly given how anime/dramatic Impa’s movements are. Impa sets bombs, Link *teleports behind Moblin* nothin personal, kid.

Also right at the end of their gambit attacks, Impa and Link should try to fist bump or something (cause the whole “cool guys don’t look at explosions” thing that Impa usually does on her own) but are interrupted by eggbot jumping up to try and join in. And then Impa can be annoyed and try to punt it or something. That’s not just self-indulgent that’s in her character she totally would and I want to make use of the fact that eggbot travels around with Link. The success of her attempts to punt him can vary.

If Link does a gambit with Zelda, her dialogue can just be her usual monotone Princess stuff, “Thanks for lending your strength,” or “There is still much more to do!” just purely professional, we’re not at a stage yet where she’s buddy buddy with Link. Their gambit attacks can still be cool though. One idea I had was Zelda using stasis, and you know how when you use it in botw everything lights up with that sonar effect? So Link stands besides Zelda, and she activates stasis, the first “sonar” light wave reveals the stasised monster, and you see it from the view of the Sheikah Slate. Then with each additional flash of sonar you just see this silhouette of Link going absolute ham on a monster. And then when the stasis “ding ding ding ding ding” is done, everything’s just dead. Can you see my inspiration from Persona 5 yet? Second idea was Zelda using cryonis and makes an ice ramp for Link to shield surf on and ram into a monster. For entertainment purposes Zelda should also be putting frogs on said slide. (Also also the reason I’m putting Link as the main focus for those gambit attacks is because I want to juxtapose it with future gambits where Zelda may or may not be more powerful…)

Anyhow anyhow, so this side quest, you beat some bokoblins, theres a moblin or two. However as you progress Zelda’s dialogue because a bit more passive aggressive, maybe Zelda can be a bit irritated at how quickly Link is defeating everything before she can even contribute. Impa can comment on this like “She hasn’t exactly been warming up to you, has she…” and then the last point of the side quest, Zelda runs off, there’s a...let’s say a big horde of blue or black Moblins. Or a horde of Wizzrobes, I’m not too picky on it. Link can save her and do a gambit or whatever, but the point of importance is that Zelda leaves with the clear mindset off, “You don’t need to keep coddling me, I can handle my own” to Link, but is “Thank you, I’m glad you’re here,” to Impa.

Now I stole was inspired to use this based on this comic by @novellanova, and you should check it out here. But basically, at the end when all the monsters are dead and the last few text boxes are rolling, Impa says something like “Gee, at this rate I might have to protect you from the princess! Hmm…. you know, maybe if you two had the opportunity to hang out more and get to know each other, she’d warm up to you! Ha! That’s it! I’ve made up my mind. Listen up Link, from now on I’m gonna let you man the wheel when it comes to protecting Zelda. So with me out of the picture you better take the opportunity to be the nicest, most helpful, and most effective body guard there is. I know you already are, but still, if I hear that one little Chuchu so much as splat in her direction I will take you down...got it?” And, that’s that.

Side quest done. Fun Link gambits with Impa and Zelda, some little character POVs on the situation, plus an explanation as to why Impa doesn’t accompany Zelda everywhere/nods to the cutscenes of Botw as to what happened to Impa. Alright, that was probably the most boring one so let’s move on to

Daruk: A Rumbling Stomach

Alright I’ll be honest...I have no idea what to do with Daruk. Especially when Yunobo’s not here, I got zip-zero to work with considering his character is non-existent. Further down the line I’ll certainly try to give him more nuances and the like, but I’m afraid the majority of my character efforts have been towards Astor, Revali, Zelda, and [REDACTED] so this is my apology ahead of time, rock fuckers.

This is my take on how to make those timed quests more fun. So basically, the premise of this stage is that Daruk was just happily hanging around trying to enjoy his rock roast, when a monster surprised him and he dropped it, and now it’s rolling down the hill. This is based on my real Breath of the Wild experience where I had to trek up that Volcano path to bring a rock roast for that shrine quest, but at the very top I dropped it and had to chase it down before it fell into the lava below.

Daruk is eager to chow down on the finest rock roasts this year has to offer! It’s too bad things go downhill when monsters start to ambush. Defeat key enemies and rescue Daruk’s tumbling meal before this year’s wait goes to waste!

So, that’s what this is. The stage opens and Daruk says “NOOooOO! My rock roast! Damn monsters!” and you have to defeat baddies and catch up to the rock roast before the timer runs out and it falls into lava. And then when you finish and get back the rock roast that’s pretty much it….except SIKE no it’s not. Because a lot of these timed quests usually have a “surprise! There’s more!” thing at the end so I’ll do that here too. So Daruk has saved his rock roast and he’s talking about how he’s going to enjoy it in all its deliciousness, when he’s cut off by a random Goron’s scream. Turns out, Daruk’s yelling at the monsters about desperation to retrieve his lost lunch has attracted monsters to some traveling civilians, and now you gotta go beat a Talus, or a couple of Moblins, or something...Again I don’t really have level set or idea when these side quests unlock so just use your imagination. Once Daruk defeats the monster(s) the Gorons can thank him, and then one of the Goron kids can be like “Ooo! Is that a super special rock roast?!?” And Daruk is all: “Ah! Well all the best Goron heroes eat plenty of rocks! This here is the gourmet stuff. You can only get it once a—” And the kid’s like “Woah! I’ve always wanted to have one, that’s why I’ve been training hard so I can explore more of the mountain. Where’d you get it??” And Daruk can sputter a bit, before finally sighing and giving into his instincts. “Ah….well, why don’t you have it? You’re probably really hungry after running around with those monsters…”

“Woah really?? Are you sure—”

“YEAH JUST TAKE IT ALREADY GO”

“Woah, thank you!” and then the Goron kid and co run off. Cue Daruk crying to himself in the background. Daruk may have an appetite, but I like to characterize him as the Goron Hero first and foremost.

I’m sure that doesn’t stop him from mourning his rock though.

Mipha: Stronger Sentiments

Mipha and Daruk talked a whole bunch about training together so that Mipha can grow stronger, and Daruk was catching on to her crush on Link and it was a nice interaction in between them except for the fact that we never see them do the damn training so that’s what this is.

I think this is as good an opportunity as any to make this a Hair-Width quest, the ones where you can’t take one hit. The difficulty of a level is one of the most effective ways to put the players in the boots of a character to experience the same struggles they do. If the player works hard, then they automatically associate that with the character working hard. So, yeah, let’s have Mipha kicking ass and working to be strong enough to protect Link.

Mipha is determined to grow stronger. Daruk and the other Gorons are helping out with an intense training session by Gut Check Rock. Prove yourself by defeating all the enemies you encounter!

So Mipha is sparring with the Gorons, you fight through them and the captains and blah blah, the final boss is fighting Daruk without getting hit.

“I promise not to hurt you more than I’m capable of reversing.”

“Ha! Give me all you’ve got, princess!”

You fight, cue the special music or whatever. I mentioned that gambit dialogue/attacks could also work to be custom for the character that you’re fighting, so I’m thinking something like this. Daruk slams the ground and rocks and magma sprout up around him like jagged pieces of glass, but Mipha is no where to be seen. Daruk’s kinda huffing and puffing, “Where’d you go Mipha…” and then FWOOSH, giant geyser right behind him. [yes I KNOW I overuse the *teleports behind you* “nothing personal, kid” thing but I think it’s COOL and you can’t stop me] So anyhow, you know that thing in Avatar where Pakku is just riding at the top of a whirlpool and destroying everything? That’s Mipha.

Daruk turns around and scratches the back of his head. “...huh….that’s not good.” Cue Mipha swooping down to deal the defeating blow.

So Mipha wins, she can mention how wonderful it was and how much stronger she feels. And she can thank Daruk, and he’s all “No problem!” but he mutters something like “And I thought Gorons hit hard...now I know how Link feels.” End side quest….SIKE it’s another surprise boss at the end. A Goron captain suddenly reports that an Igneo Talus has appeared nearby.

Mipha goes up to fight it, but wow! Link is already there. They both fight it, but it’s clear that Link didn’t need her help that much. You can defeat the Talus with a Mipha/Link gambit. It’s similar to Link’s usual “swing sword in a giant circle and become a death windmill” but Mipha kinda enhances it with water or something and it puts out the Talus. I wanted this ending with a focus on how strong Link is just to show that while Mipha is improving, she’s still not yet where she needs to be.

Daruk: “Sorry I wasn’t much help at the end there, I was busy, uh, stretching.”

Mipha: “Oh it’s quite alright, Daruk. We were both quite tired from today’s training.”

Daruk: “Well I dunno about that...seems to me you were quite lively and active as you fought beside Link. *wink*”

Mipha: “Huh!?!? W-What is that supposed to mean??”

Cue laughter from Daruk. Mipha is flustered. And Link is just...confused, as always.

Urbosa: Mighty Thunder of the Gerudo

So in the game this is just some normal outpost capturing, stronghold defending side quest, but we’re gonna spice it up just a bit.

An important excavation site is being overrun by monsters, and Urbosa has set out to engage them. Defend and capture the outposts, in order to prevent this valuable place from falling into enemy hands…

So you fight as Urbosa, defeat some enemies and blah blah. When you first arrive there, I want one of the Gerudo Captains to be like “Lady Urbosa? Where did you come—What are you doing here? Aren’t there areas of greater importance for you to be at right now?” Urbosa says something like “Nevermind that now, let us focus on achieving victory over these rotten beasts.”

As the battle goes through, it is revealed that this excavation site is where Zelda’s mother would often work and hang out with Urbosa. Urbosa says some stuff like “Her Majesty would not be happy to see all these monsters heading here!” *decapitates Moblin* and then she can say other dramatic stuff at the end like “We have fought well...for her memory” and other classic lesbian pining. Some guard at the end can say “Perhaps you should move on and help out somewhere else, Lady Urbosa. We can handle the clean up from here.”

“Sure,” Urbosa replies, “Just another moment.” And then cue reminiscing. “She always did love these machines…”

And just other sentimental stuff like that. If you’re gonna be a coward and hold out on the Champion death angst, then you best be pumping that angst and emotion from somewhere, you know?

Also yay for worldbuilding! At least in my rewrite, the Guardian excavations and stuff were overseen by the Queen. Could be a reason Zelda hangs out with Sheikah tech so much...who knows who knows... who knows what other implications this has, it’s just a side quest after all.

Revali: Anti-Ice Training [get it??? Cause in this one, Revali’s gonna break the ice with some other characters?? I’m funny I swear]

Ok so for this one, I want to pull Revali’s character away from just “the birb that doesn’t like Link” and give him some other stuff to stand on. Obviously, there would be other side quests in a fully fleshed out game that did even more to characterize him, but for my rewrite I’m only dedicated this post and one other future post to sidequests, so I gotta really bring out what I can for the few side quest stories I have time to tell

Revali sets out alone to deal with some monsters by the Hebra trail. Although intended as an isolated moment to hone his skills, he finds himself with unexpected company. Defeat key enemies.

So you play as Revali and at first you’re alone, taking out Ice Lizalfos and the like. Revali’s text dialogue can say stuff like “Hmm...not fast enough” “My current needs to be stronger” “*mutters* Can’t compete with lightning and magma with aim like that.” Just stuff that establishes that he’s working hard to really prove himself as the best, but is still a bit insecure about his position. He thinks he’s better than Link, sure, and he certainly thinks that being a princess or a chief doesn’t automatically make you the best. However by this point, Revali has battled alongside the other Champions and seen their skill in battle, and has developed some respect for them. Afterall, Champions were chosen in some part for their skills, unlike Link or Zelda who destiny just thrust greatness upon.

So Revali has this slight insecurity that compared to lightning, and magic healing, and magma, with chiefs and princesses and titles of heroes, he and his efforts will be overshadowed and forgotten, unfairly deemed the useless one. Thus, here he is, training in solitude, not wanting anyone to see the imperfections and mistakes until he is absolutely perfect.

Except for the fact that after you beat a Wizzrobe, the other three Champions show up.

Revali: Wh—Huh?? What are you all doing here?

Urbosa: Well, we all have to travel with the princess to that Tower in a few hours, so I recommended we find you and hang out until then

Mipha: And a good thing too! Look how many monsters there are

Revali: I’m actually doing very well on my own right now. Wouldn’t want you to catch a cold or something, so why don’t you head on back and let me handle this.

Daruk: Aw, it’s not that we think you can’t do this. It’s that you’re hogging all the fun! Urbosa: And that it would be more efficient if all of us went to work

Daruk: That too

Revali: Look it’s not—you all can’t just—this is not just about—AUGH, look, I’m just trying to train myself at the moment, and I don’t need you all to mess with my drills

Urbosa: Training, hm? Well how about this...you let us continue helping you with these monsters, and after, I’ll let you in on a good Gerudo training technique

Revali: Hmph. Fine, whatever gets you out of my tail feathers faster

So Revali and the Champions clear out the monsters. Revali can have gambit attacks/dialogue with each of the other Champions. This is already incredibly long so perhaps I’ll save specifics for another time, feel free to use your imagination. Urbosa teasing Revali and they make a thunderstorm, Mipha and Revali swimming in the sky and kissing—wait that’s—

When all the monsters are cleared, which honestly isn’t tooooo many, Revali speaks again.

Revali: So what’s this oh-so-holy technique you had in mind, then?

Urbosa: Ah yes, well really it’s quite simple. It’s called…

Urbosa: One-on-one combat

Now Revali fights Urbosa. It think it’d be really fun if your allies on a stage could swap to a boss, and I wish hwaoc had a bit more freedom with the interactions as a whole, but ah well, that’s what I’m here for I guess.

So when you/Revali defeat her, it’s a good accomplishment! Not only for you the player, as Urbosa would not be the easiest to beat, but also because match-up wise, Revali prevailing over Urbosa is a big feat as their styles are quite opposite, arguably with the strength in favour for Urbosa.

Revali might at first have the mindset that Urbosa is overconfident and thinks she’s got an easy win on Revali, but that mindset is quickly proven wrong when 1) the difficulty of the gameplay itself shows how they’re both doing their best and 2) Urbosa with her Gerudo qualities is probably shouting stuff like “give it your all!” and things.

And so, as you beat her...

Revali, kinda huffing and puffing, but just a bit:: ...you….held back

Urbosa: Come now, do you really think of me as someone who’d do that? I’m almost insulted.

Revali: Hmm...perhaps not then....

Mipha: Wow! What a wonderful fight from both of you.

And then insert some other dialogue from Daruk or something that shows the Champions acknowledging the training and hard work Revali must have put in to be so skilled. Perhaps it’s not so bad, when you train with others and your skill is fully appreciated by your frie—GAH. Perish the thought, they’re all just a bunch of royal fools who can’t hold a candle to the skill of a Rito Master….probably…

Revali: Well unlike you lax fools, I tend to take my job seriously. I don’t have time to longue and banter when the princess is still expecting me in an hour or two

Urbosa: Oh alright, let’s get to it then. What’s the expression? “The early bird gets the w—”

Revali: Gross. No. Don’t finish that sentence, I beg you.

Urbosa: Oh? Well why don’t you fly off to escape my dreadful tones then?

Revali: ...Heh, don’t be absurd…

Revali: Without me, you’ll all probably get lost. So, I suppose I should stick around for that sake Great Fairies: Dress to Oppress

The Great Fairies are holding a fashion competition and rating people’s outfits. Poorly judged outfits gives them the right to compensation combat. Defeat all your less than fashionable allies.

...

...yeah.

It seemed funny in my head, alright? cOme on, just imagine…

Revali, fully expecting to win: Well?

Great Fairies: Hm...I don’t know dear, all the colors are very clustered. Perhaps if you were taller—?

Revali: bWHAKT!? *other angry bird noises*

- - -

Daruk: I brought my BEST out today! :D

Great Fairies: Is that a….chain?

Daruk: TWO chains, actually. :D

Great Fairies: Oh honey…

- - -

Great Fairies: Ooo! Our little hero is about to come out! Wonder what he chose...a knight in shining armour? A handsome desert voe? Ooo!! And those Snowquill braids always made him look so cute…

Link: *comes out in the Tingle Outfit*

Great Fairies: …

Great Fairies: …………..hm…..

At the end of the side quest, after you beat everyone, the Great Fairy wins because of course they do.

Great Fairies: Oh my! What an unexpected outcome...but it really couldn’t have gone any other way. I declare the judges the winner! I mean just look at me, I’m as dazzling as a jeweled desert flower, because I am! Ohohohoho…

This side quests unlocks the Tingle Outfit

Hestu: Forest Dance Festival

Alright this quest was already pretty perfect, BUT, I just want to use this opportunity to say that all of Hestu’s gambit attacks makes his allies and enemies do special dances. Absolutely abSURD that Hestu can only make the lesser smaller enemies dance on occasion, nonononono, my guy Hestu is making everyone dance. You can’t stop this. Nothing I say will ever top the imagination, so just take my word that this is a good thing. [Reluctant Revali doing the macarena against his will in sync with Hestu and they bash someone’s head in...ah the possibilities.]

Maz Koshia: Links to the Past

Ok so before I get into this, a few things. This quest takes place well after the tower activations in Akkala. Age of Calamity leaves a whole lot of plots holes as to why a Monk is just...here, and what the point of the shrines are, and personally my first reaction to all this was just a five minute extended “huuhhhhhh???”

So here is my headcanon, explanation, thing, canon to the world of the Kip Cut story. Ones all the Sheikah Towers were activated, that officially woke up all the Shrines, because we know that the Towers and Shrines are all connected to the same system. [See Great Plateau Tower activating all the Shrines and Towers, and Creating a Champion explanation on the system] But when all the monks were in their little altars and noticed how Link hadn’t dont a single one, they were like “what the fuck.” Monk Maz Koshia, who is kinda the head honcho of the monks and probably the only one powerful enough to go out in the world anyhow, sets out to see what the deal is, and after many a teleportation and telepathic communication, he figures out that Link is just running around with the Master Sword already. This kinda confuses him, because the whole point of the Shrines was to test Link and give him the spirit orbs so that he could grow strong enough to get the Master Sword, but he somehow already has it...so hmmmm something fishy is going on in this timeline. So Link technically hasn’t proven himself at all, Maz Koshia ambushes him, they do their little combat trial, Link passes, and Maz Koshia’s like “ok cool so you’re not useless.”

So now Monk Maz Koshia has cast aside his old monk duties of waiting around for a couple hundred years, in favour of just hanging out with Link and continuing to train him combat wise. Shrines are still explored by Zelda and co because they are important areas to establish teleportation pads, and whenever they’re there, Maz Koshia forces Link to get in a shrine to get a spirit orb, which is not only useful in general for health, but since Link already has the Master Sword, the other characters can get the spirit orb too. (So all those little heart upgrades that you see on the map, those are all just in the real Botw Shrine locations, rather than just scattered around randomly. Also I’m ignoring the stuff about talking to Hylia in order to exchange for stamina or heart containers because the game never talks about her, or stamina, and I’m not about to create an entirely new custom gameplay feature for this game, fuck you.)

I like to think that Maz Koshia is very selective about the Shrines he encourages people to try out. “Oh nonono, don’t bother with Qukah’s….lazy ass, only set up one little mountain that you have to blast through with lightning and that’s the entire puzzle! Disgraceful...Here, Kaam Ya’tak has set up a wonderful Trial of Power for you. I’m sure you’ll find the level design quite thrilling. They spent a lot of time on the critical thinking aspects so have fun!”

“I should warn you that this one was made by one of the millennials...yes, those youngins who were only initiated 1000 years of age. Honestly, they lack so much experience. Ms. Agana over here was experimenting with something called ‘motion controls?’ Pretty lazy if you ask me. Traditionally I would just stick to combat and block and switch stuff...but ah well, variety I suppose.”

Right, what was I talking about? Oh right! This is a sidequest. So Monk Maz Koshia doesn’t really have...a character??? Or a personality??? So I don’t really know what to do with him other than use him as an outlet for world building. Apologies to the Monk….fuckers? Stans? Feel free to leave me a comment about how I missed all the nuances of his character or something I’m all ears.

On an expedition to mark more Shrines and establish more teleports for the Kingdom, a large horde of monsters is spotted, seemingly with the intention to destroy these Ancient relics. Link and Maz Koshia use this opportunity to sharpen their combat skills. Protect the stronghold and defeat key enemies.

And then that quest would just kinda echo the stuff I said earlier about the world. (As Maz Koshia defends a Shrine, somewhere Qukah Nata is smugly shouting “Bet you wish ALL of them were protected with a giant mountain now, do ya?)

Also Link and Maz Koshia’s gambit attack involves the Master Cycle. I don’t have the specifics, but damn if I want some call backs to Botw while also having fun.

Impa: Steal Yourself [Yiga Clan Escape]

In an act of pure hatred and malice, the Yiga Clan has snuck into Kakariko Village in the dead of night…and stolen all the Swift Carrots! Impa sets out to get them back, as well as taking something else as a form of swift revenge...Escape before the time runs out.

Ok I can explain.

So you know how the Yiga and the Sheikah have kiiiiinda been murdering each other a bunch in Botw, going as far as to kill a deserter’s wife and threatening to murder his kids, and also people on both sides were sorta massacred for no reason? And alsoooo one of those people who literally lived during that time of the massacre is just kinda floating around now? And you knooooooooww how the Yiga Clan just kinda joins Zelda’s side later on and we’re not supposed to think about the implications of that too hard because they’re the funny banana ninjas, haha? Yeah well neither Age of Calamity or I really have time to explore the moral grey areas of an alliance between two warring factions, one of which has a leader who doesn’t really seem to remember the reason why they hate Hyrule which brings into question whether the lackeys even know their clan’s history, and brings about the moral dilemma of criminalizing the ignorant, and also there’s the whole other dilemma of depicting the side that submitted to their oppression as being “in the right” and the topic of a race of people being pitted against their own by a higher power is really brushed over sO WE’RE JUST GONNA TOSS ALL THAT OUT THE WINDOW AND MAKE THEM ACT LIKE RIVALLING HIGH SCHOOLS, OKAY? OKAY! This is fine this is fine—

So I have dubbed the High School mascot of the Sheikah, the Swift Carrot. And although there does seem to be some internal debate about whether the carrot should be replaced by the Fortified Pumpkin, the hero of Hyrule Link favours carrots so that’s that. Then of course, the mascot for the Yiga Clan is the Mighty Banana. The two sides hate each other and steal their food symbols to be petty. I’ll be covering the side quests of Kohga and the other later characters in another later post, but just know that Kohga will have his banana heist sidequest too.

So anyhow, you play as Impa. Maybe she can say a piece of dialogue or two about how she has to uphold the image of her people as she has to lead them one day. And then, this side quest is just her retrieving the carrots and running off with the Yiga’s big banana supply before she’s caught. This is based on that “Escape the Yiga Clan” quest if you couldn’t tell.

Custom gambit defeat of Impa vs Kohga: On one hand I think it would be badass to see Impa’s Sheikah skills go up against the Yiga Clan tactics. Kohga summons a giant metal ball to throw, Impa teleports behind him “nothing personal, kid” nO fuck I’m doing it again away goes to swing a blade at his face. He blocks it with his little energy shield thing, but not before an entire conga line of Impa clones start slashing at him until he’s defeated by a giant explosion. So yeah, that’d be badass and cool. But on the other hand…

Kohga, stomping his feet and having a fit: I cARROT believe you would do something this terrible! Give us back those bananas right now! D: ….please? You can keep the gross orange sticks.

Sooga: He asked nicely. You wouldn’t deny the wishes of the most polite and charming Yiga Chief there is, would you?

Impa: No can do, Yiga scum! I’m afraid this cruel action wasn’t veggie nice of you so I must exact justice! Now it’s my time to split. *Impa clones gather and throw Kohga into a giant frog’s mouth. Impa runs off with a sack of fruit [fruit (derogatory) if you will] cackling into the horizon*

Zelda: The Path She Laid For You

The King has order Zelda to head to the Temple of Time, in order to see if anything there could help awaken her powers. Zelda sets off quietly, with minimal company, as not to attract too much attention lest the Town’s folk be hit with another attack. It seems, however, that these precautions won’t be enough...Defeat key enemies

So this is a pure Zelda sidequest, with no other characters except for eggbot because I said so. Starts out normal when SURPRISE! Bunch of monsters appear and Zelda has to whip out her iphone and fight them.

Also!! Good time for the Hollows to show up, and you know, tell her what a failure she is and all that. Convince her that she's useless and gonna doom everyone. All that good stuff!! It’s just nice to catch up with the villains and see how they’re doing, you know? ‘Sup Hollow Urbosa, last I saw you were barely spitting words in the Lost Woods, and now you’re giving full hard-hitting insults to Zelda’s character and ability? Good for you, Queen, good for you.

So Zelda and a handful of guards are fighting off monsters, and Zelda has to beat the Hollows too. Her gambit dialogue when she defeats Hollows can be stuff like “You’re not the real ___” or something idk, I don’t have a lot of experience with the evil clone trope, I’ve never played Ocarina of Time. But one specific I DO want to highlight is that Zelda uses the nearby Sheikah Tech to defeat the enemies. I find it a bit weird how Zelda just knows how to use those random water canons in the Faron region in later chapters, so we’re just gonna at least set up a pattern so that it makes a bit more sense later. Plus! This is in front of the Great Plateau, AKA Gate Post Town/Garrisons AKA oh lOOK it’s that area where Link and Impa and eggbot first meet in that Impa introduction scene of my rewrite so we have already established that Sheikah Technology is being stored here and ready to use! Continuity in world building! Nice.

So Zelda uses her knowledge of Sheikah Tech to defeat the Hollows, when...dun dun dun! Astor appears. But you don’t fight him...

Astor: Have you listened to one word spoken to you today? Why are you still resisting? Let me help you.

Zelda: And what exactly is your plan? You wish to kill me, then?

Astor: Not quite. I mean, if you do die, there are ways I can manage, so if some stray Yiga blade happens to strike you I’m not completely doomed.

Astor: But no, the most optimal outcome for everyone is the one where you live yet. You must see the truth as I do, and let me fix this. I can undo this terrible knot destiny has thread for you. [and insert other fate sisters and sewing metaphors here]

Zelda: But how? What’s your game here, if you’re truly claiming to be in everyone’s best interest then why all this secrecy?

Astor: Ah...ever the one to look for the facts and logic, hmm? Can’t blame you, you get it straight from your mother.

Zelda: …!

Astor: But...I’m afraid even if I did tell you now, you’re in no state to truly grasp it. No...the only way this works is for you to truly understand the position you're in, and the stakes that hang in the path before you.

Astor: And if I have to kill every King, Champion, or knight to get you to understand…

Astor: Then so be it.

[dun dun dun]

Zelda: No! I won’t let you hurt anyone, I swear it!

Eggbot [just pretend eggbot can have dialogue boxes too]: *chirps*

Astor, suddenly noticing eggbot: ...You…you’re one thing I still don’t—

Eggbot chirps again beside Zelda, both seeming to be angry at Astor’s words. Eggbot releases a glowing flash of light. Kinda like a...flash bang? [is that the right word idk]

Astor: Ah—! *and he teleports away to escape* Astor: Until next time then...Princess

And that’s pretty much the sidequest. Zelda can question what exactly eggbot did, but he’s not exactly the most verbal in responses. Finally it ends with Zelda going home, “He was still right though...I’m still sitting in failure, with not a hint of my powers awakening. All I have is some Sheikah tech, some exhausted shoulders….and well, you, I suppose, little one.”

“Come, it’d be a waste to continue forth in this condition. Let’s go back to the castle.”

Eggbot: *happy whistles and chirps*

= = = = =

Tune in next time folks, as we dive back into the main event! Needless to say, Chapter 4 is where the shit starts to go down...

#Hwaoc: The Kip Cut #hwaoc spoilers #hwaoc #hw aoc #hw age of calamity #age of calamity #hyrule warriors age of calamity

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thedinanshiral · 4 years ago

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My personal DA4 wishlist + thoughts

I’ve been teasing this post for a couple of weeks over at Twitter, i’m the worst! But anyway, since game journalism has decided to confirm, once again, that the next Dragon Age game will be set in Tevinter like that’s breaking news, now’s as good a time as ever to write all this down.

Locations: Tevinter, clearly. It’s been pretty much a given since the end of Trespasser in 2015, with that scene where the Inquisitor stabs a map on a table directly on Tevinter as they promise to go after Solas to stop him. But also concept art and several stories from Tevinter Nights heavily imply Antiva, Nevarra, the Anderfells, and maybe Rivain. For those of you who don’t know your Thedosian Geography 101, that’s basically Northern Thedas. And it makes sense, since so far for three games straight we’ve been first stuck in Ferelden, then the coast of the Free Marches, and later the rest of Southern Thedas. We’ve never been North, only heard of it. So in DA4 i’m sure we will finally be able to visit.

Characters: If we’re going to Tevinter, we must meet Dorian again, maybe meet Maevaris Tilani as well (previously only seen in comics), judging from the latest comics series, i’m hoping for Fenris too. And going by the latest teaser trailer, we might see Varric again. As for characters that so far we have no news of, i’d like to see Cole, the Iron Bull, and if by any chance BioWare feels like blessing us with a Hawke/Fenris reunion i might just die happy. I’d also very much like to see the Inquisitor, but more on that later.

Companions: considering concept art and the latest teaser trailer, plus Tevinter Nights stories and new characters, we have an interesting repertoire of new potential companions. A Tevinter mage, an ancient elf (like a temple guardian) or a dalish elf (like Strife), a Nevarran mortalitasi or spirit, Antivan Crows, Lords of Fortune (new faction, kind of like treasure hunters), Qunari lady, maybe an alchemist or shapeshifter, Grey Wardens (possibly a dwarf), a liberated or escaped slave, a Siccari (Tevinter spies/assassins)..even past agents of the Inquisition could return.

Plot: We know Solas wants to take down the Veil. We know there’s two archdemons left, and Grey Wardens are regaining some spotlight in concept art lately. We might have to fight on multiple fronts simultaneously and be strategic about it. Solas might even unleash a double Blight just to keep us distracted while he focus on his own goal, who knows. But many other things are happenig in the margins and all over the place. The Qunari Antaam is having a crisis with some of its members supposedly going rogue, the order they’re so proud of is breaking up, and the whole of Northern Thedas is facing an imminent threat of invasion. Tevinter is still dealing with remnants of the Venatori and might soon be dealing with a slaves rebellion and/or a political and social reform (Magisters Dorian and Maeveris have been working wirh the Lucerni, a group aiming to restore and redeem Tevinter). The Antivan Crows -the de facto rulers of Antiva - may be dealing with a succession crisis, as their First Talon, a powerful feared and respected but old lady, might not be around for much longer and seems her chosen heir has died before his time. Meanwhile in the Anderfells nobody’s heard anything from the Grey Wardens’ HQ at Weisshaupt since the end of Inquisition, and as told in the novel Last Flight, the sudden reappearance of griffons may have had something to do with that radio silence. So you see, get ready for another +100 hours long game because BW has plenty of stuff to keep us busy with. But in short, DA4 seems will be about primarily searching, finding, and dealing with Solas. Regardless of what you decided at the Exalted Council in Trespasser, the Inquisition or what’s left of it is most likely the group orchestrating that mission. As it was so clearly stated then, they need new people Solas doesn’t know so he can’t foresee their actions, so it’s possible the DA4 protagonist is a new agent or a third party hired to do what the Inner circle can’t due to their familiarity with Solas in the past. But at the same time -and this is assuming we get to find Solas in this game - i definitely think the Inquisitor could easily show up again. No, losing an arm doens’t mean they’ve retired forever, prosthetics do exist in Thedas, a world where you can combine dwarven craftmanship with enchantments, seriously, i don’t ever want to hear “but they lost an arm” ever again as an excuse to write them out. And no, marrying Cullen or joining the Red Jennys is no impediment to join the “Stop Solas” Squad; the end of Trespasser means something, mainly that this is personal. Be it they loved them as lovers, as friends or ended up hating his guts for using and betraying them, the Inquisitor’s relationship with Solas makes this very personal, and so having any other character do that face off would cheapen all of it, all that bittersweet angsty development and expectations of either revenge or closure. That moment should happen between those two. It adds a ton of motivation due to their past historyas well, something a new protagonist would lack entirely. My personal best hope is for a sort of dual protagonist thing, say we play new protagonist for most of the game but a selected missions or scenes where we play as the Inquisitor once again and take over for key and heart-wrenching dialogue options. My second best hope is for the Inquisitor to show up as playable for the moment we catch up with Solas. My third and final best hope is for the inquisitor to be a sort of advisor but more like new protagonist’s boss/employer to whom they report back to and get new missions from. The Inquisitor can be stuck in meetings for the most part of it, i just want to know they’re there, behind a door, super busy but there. A cameo like Hawke’s in Inquisition is the bare miminum i can take, anyhting less than that like a mention in a sidequest description or a footnote in a codex entry would be a total injustice.

Romances: I’m open for pretty much anything, as any good BW fan would be. But i’d like romances to feel more alive in the sense that they don’t abruptly get stuck once you exhaust all related quests and dialogue options. As much as my Adaar liked that spank from the Iron Bull, that it was the only thing they could share after their romance was locked was a bit..meh. I liked Dorian’s tho, because his gave one the option to talk a bit, go for a walk, gossip, and sure, it all happened off-screen, and there were limited possibilities, but it was nice and made their relationship feel a bit more real, like they had more to it than kissing and stuff. It happens in most games, once you secure a romanceable companion suddenly you run out of things to do and share with them, and you get stuck with the same 3 lines of dialogue over and over again. There should be a way of solving that.

Side quests: i’m ok with fetch quests initially as it is a good way of forcing the player to go out and explore huge maps, but i’d also like the fetching to have some meaning other than checking things off a list. I want to explore many ruins, and -can’t believe i’m actually saying this- i want a Fade quest. Wait! I know what you’re thinking but don’t kill me just yet, here’s my idea: what if we could visit the Fade at certain locations to witness memories or meet with spirits and recollect information on Solas, his past, his present? Both to understand him better (keep in mind we’ll most likely get a new protagonist who isn’t familiar with him like we are as players) and try to locate him or predict his next move. It would be i think i great way of having visions of Arlathan in its golden age, maybe seeing some of the other Evanuris, how they interacted with each other and with the elves in their service, what really happened ...i just want that sweet, sweet lore, i need it.

Technical stuff: ok, graphics will be amazing for sure, but i also would really really like: better, more varied and longer hairstyles, PLEASE. Body sliders, it’s damn time we get them. Mounts that actually make a difference! Let staves blades make damage in combat, I’M BEGGING HERE. Combined classes, MAGICAL ROGUES! A homebase we can fix up/build on/redecorate as fully as possible (Skyhold was great and i love it to pieces but why were those walls NEVER repaired????) . More casual outfit options, idk i love to dress up my characters, maybe some transmog? A day/night cycle and please i would love to see Thedas’ second moon, also weather variations depending on the region. Yes, i’m ambitious.

Gameplay: i’d like more AI options for companions, but not quite like in DAO, that was too much and i rarely used it. I’m curious how they’ll do combat this time but i know for sure i don’t want the kind of combat that has me going almost frame by frame pausing at every second, it’s annoying for me. I want large areas like in DAI but with a bit more stuff to see and do although one of my favourite maps is the Hissing Wastes so i won’t complain if we get a literal desert but i’d also like it to have secrets hidden around, make me work to find and solve them, i love exploring, i jump and click on EVERYTHING like i’m still a kid playing Monkey Island. A companion in concept art seems to be holding what looks like some form of rifle, so i’m curious how they’d incorporate that in the game. I know Tevinter has the magics and dwarves have the skill, a firearm is totally within the possibilities in-game without breaking any lore; also super curious what sort of skill trees Crows or Lords of Fortune could have, are they rogues, or warriors, or both??

So far, that’s what i got in my head.Well, most of it anyways, i may have missed something but this post has to end somewhere lol

What’s in your head? Feel free to share! Have you been thinking on how you’ll create your next protagonist? All i can think of is magical rogues and that glowing bow was all the hype i needed.

#Dragon Age #Dragon Age 4 #Tevinter #da4 wishlist #DA4

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mrslittletall · 3 years ago

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Time for my Ghost of Tsushima Review: Graphics To make it short, the game looks absolutely GORGEOUS. It goes with a realistic style. I didn’t had trouble with the character models, they looked good and unique and the facial expressions were well done. What got me, though, is the scenery. Tsushima is lush with nature and there were trees, flowers, pampas grass. You clearly could see what was a japanese settlement and what was a mongol camp, though I have to argue that they resuded a lot of assets for the buildings, like if you you knew one of them, you knew all of them, but that is nitpicking. The water looked great, the fire effects looked great, the foxes were cute, the flowers were gorgeous. It was a joy to look at and I made some scenery screenshots which I all forgot to upload, oh well... The last area was a bit duller though, because it was full of snow, but I like snow and we got footprints in the snow, so I was fine with it ^^ Sound/Music Sadly this game suffers from western Triple A problems... the music is generic and doesn’t stand out. I think I remember one song of the entire OST and that was in Yarikawa, when you unlock the Ghost Stance. The music is generally played with japanese instruments which was a very nice touch though. It wasn’t there all the time also, leaving you room to listen to the atmosphere, which was nicely done. It never really was quiet in Tsushima, but it made me feel at ease. I am also amazed at the voice acting. The voice acting was really really good, though both me and my husband had one gripe with it... Ok, so I put them on english, but they are still talking japanese with each other, it’s just dubbed for our listening comfort, so why... why did so many VA’s speak with a fake japanese accent?! That didn’t make any sense at all! It got even more hilarious when I read the names of the credits and Jin, one of the few who doesn’t sport a fake japanese accent was spoken by a japanese man! That was the only gripe I had with the voice acting though. Gameplay The game feels like a classic Open World game. I heard a lot of people got tired by it, but they probably have played like a hundred Open World titles already. I only played Breath of the Wild and Death Stranding (and Death Stranding is not a typical Open World title), so it felt all fresh and new enough for me. I am a person who really likes to see progress in games, so it always felt great for me when I found one of the locations in Tsushima that would give me some extra and make my Jin stronger. I loved the exploration part of the game. The quests of the games? They were a bit generic, at least the optional quests. Lots of the same to do. The story quests were more interesting, for they sometimes forced a certain playstyle on you or gave you certain weapons to use. Like, sinking the ships with the hwacha was really cool and having to sneak out of the shogun’s castle was nerve wracking. I wasn’t bored with them though, for I liked the little stories behind the quests. The combat was really fluid and played well, though the standoffs at Act 3 got ridiculously hard. I thought it was my problem, but I wasn’t the only one failing the standoffs in Act 3, the game really just made them super hard, apparently to encourage stealth? Yeah, but I don’t want to stealth the mongol patrols... The boss battles in the game... they kinda felt like a dance. You had to find out what your opponent does and react accordingly and if you did it right, it felt like a beautiful rythm of a sword battle. I was pretty impressed by how fluid it felt when I didn’t mess up. The stealth mechanics were good. I hate stealth in games where you normally don’t do stealth, but here the stealth was a big part of the game. You had a lot of options for stealth, you could hide in grass or behind walls, you could assassinate the foes one by one, you could hide on a roof and shoot them with your bow, you get access to poison later in the game (shooting a brute with hallucination dart was always fun) and and and. It really hammers home that your character took up the practices of a shinobi to save his home. The early game hell was pretty bad though... you start with not much of course, and that made me almost give up on the game because I did nothing but die... only when I found out that I can run up to archers and hit them with my sword instead of having an archer battle, I had fun again. Like, the game starts you out with low health and resolve and then gets you into missions with five archers shooting at you at once? You are dead before you could even aim! Overall, I had fun with the gameplay. Story/Characters Ok, that will be complicated, because I like the story and I dislike the story at the same time... But let’s talk about the characters first. I loved most of them, especially Jin, Yuna, Kenji and Norio. Every main character got their own questline which you could follow and it showed a lot about them, also that none of them a honourable hero or anything, but they all had their flaws and troubles... Especially Lady Masako’s quest made me thinking... for it was extreme that her family got slaughtered like that, but after hearing that she left her sister in an abusive marriage I couldn’t hate Lady Hana for it... she must have tremendously suffered and sadly all her negative energy got channeled at innocent people... Their stories went through the whole game and were a good thing to deepen them, because in the main story they felt a bit side lined in favour of Yuna’s and Jin’s friendship as well as the storyline about Ryuzo and the relationship between Jin and Shimura. Ok, let’s talk about the story now. The story is set on the 13th century of the island of Tsushima with the mongol invasion. Because the mongols fight not fair, the honourable Samurai lose the battle... almost all of them. Jito Shimura gets captured and Jin gets dragged away by thief Yuna who nurses him back to health. Of course he makes the decision to save Shimura, who is his uncle, but now he hasn’t an army in his back, he’s only one man. So Yuna teaches him the tactics of stealth and dirty fighting. More and more over the span of the game, Jin takes up the practices of a shinobi, with a lot of Ghost Weapons that get unlocked and a stealth based game play. Jin, who has been raised as honourable samurai, has trouble with this and can’t accept his new role at first. He tells himself he stops doing it once the mongols are driven out, but... A legend is getting spun. The Legend of the Ghost. I really like how this happens, for Jin does nothing supernatural to get the mongols down, he simply changes his tactics. But the people hear about it and they rumour and soon after they call him “The Ghost” and everything gets exxegerated a LOT. That is pretty much how legends must have started, so I loved this aspect. And I loved how we see Jin’s inner struggle and how he thinks about the land first and his honour second and that there is a friendship with Yuna which never turns into romance, which is a plus as well. Act 2 was really epic and I loved the whole Yarikawa moment, when like everything screamed “For the Ghost”, that was POWERFUL. What I dislike is the story since the end of Act 2 and in the start of Act 3. See, there’s Ryuzo. Ryuzo is Jin’s boyfriend childhood friend and he is a ronin. Jin asked him to join his forces, but Ryuzo betrays him and joins the mongols for his men hunger and the Khan did promise him food. And during the second act, Ryuzo and his strawhat ronin act like secondary villains... and I was very much hoping for a redemption arc for Ryuzo, but instead the story lets Ryuzo pathetically cry for his life and Jin has to kill him. Um, what was that?! You missed a GREAT opportunity for a redemption arc here and it feels like you didn’t use the potential of Ryuzo at all... And then Act 3 happened... see in Act 2 there is a mission where Jin gets poison and it is a powerful weapon, most players will probably use it. But there is a scene where Jin uses it without player control and his uncle is like “WTF Jin?” The issue comes when we enter act 3 and now the mongols use the poison that Jin used on them... And the story turns into a “Oh Jin used poison, how horrible that is! Now the mongols have poison! Why did you use poison, Jin? You are clearly the villain now.” Which I am like... “No? What the fuck? This guy saved thousands of people because he decided that life was more imporant than honour and the narration wants to tell us that poison is bad? What?” In the end, I liked that Lord Shimura came to help though and the ending tale... had some very powerful lines “You have no honour.” “And you are a slave to it.” Beautifully delivered those lines. My decision in the end was to let Lord Shimura leave, but not for the reason Jin had, for he said he wouldn’t kill family. My reason was the following: “Live! See the pain and suffering of your people and help them. Live with your shame and survive, because that is what Jin does. You don’t get an easy way out, old man.” Yeah, my reason was lot more spite... Anyway, I wish the story in the later acts would have been better... it started so strong... Overall This isn’t a perfect game of course. But I had my fun with it and I wanted to explore the map and see the end of Jin’s story. Characters were adorable and fun, gameplay is smooth once early game hell is over. I would totally rec this game if you aren’t fatigued of open world titles.

#ghost of tsushima #ghost of tsushima spoilers #ghost of tsushima review

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ye-bloodeh-liar · 4 years ago

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I just finished AC Valhalla – A résumé.

I finished the "main story" of Assassin's Creed Valhalla. These are some thoughts of mine. (This was saved in my drafts for two weeks or so. But my stance hasn't altered. Actually, I'm even angrier now.)

Disclaimer: This obviously contains some spoilers here and there. You've been warned, but tbh, who even cares about the story at this point. Also, I know I don't have many followers, and I suspect none of the few that will come across this post will actually be interested in it. That said, if you like reading people's rants about things, regardless of your interest in video games, this might be something for you. I just needed to get this out of my system somewhere. This is a rant (well, vent? I'm venting, I guess) written as it came to my mind. There's no real structure, I think. Sorry for that in advance.

After Origins, which I thoroughly enjoyed and actually played again between Odyssey and Valhalla, and Odyssey, which's name was perfectly fitting since it felt like a fucking odyssey to grind through, I hoped, actually, I was convinced, Valhalla would right Odyssey's wrongs. You see, Odyssey had one big problem for me: It did none of the things that made and still make me love Origins. In short: The world was massive, but felt copied and pasted, uninteresting to explore and lifeless. Basically, it was a lot of green sprinkled with some olive branches. A lot of the times the only way to know roughly where I am was pulling up the map because based on my surroundings, I could've been anywhere. Compared to the intriguing world of Origins, where you always knew in which area of the map you currently were, this was a shitshow. I mean, just walking through the desert in Origins had more atmosphere than the whole city of Athens (the main fucking city) could ever muster up. (Oh, remember the times of AC Brotherhood, where Rome actually felt like a city even though it wasn't actually humongous like the new games are? Or how atmospheric the whole of AC II was? I mean, Venice? Hello? M a s t e r p i e c e) But I can overlook that. The combat didn't feel heavy, or to put it better, "impactful" like it did in Origins, but more like poking the enemies to their deaths with something that made sword-y sounds. But I can overlook that. The loot system improved a bit, in the sense of giving the option to modify your loot and being able to combine different armor pieces, however, Origins outfit-system was more up my alley. But I can overlook that. Funnily enough, compared to its predecessor, Odyssey looked worse. In Origins the fabric of your outfit look like actual fabric and, I can't stress this enough, waved in the wind. In Odyssey everything felt more static and somehow "fake". But I can overlook that. To me, Origins' story was masterfully done. Personally, I'd say, that this is the closest we've ever gotten to the Ezio-Trilogy. The voice acting was top notch. Bayek was a great character, and the side characters like Aya/Amunet were equally intriguing. I still remember the first time I saw the first confession cutscene after killing Medunamun. It gave me shivers and goosebumps and got me excited for what was about to come. What I want to say with this, is that Origins made me care; care about its characters, care about their backstory and motives, care about the world, etc. After I had finished the DLC The Hidden Ones I felt like I had actually witnessed the igniting spark of something epic, namely the Assassin Brotherhood, in such a chilling way, even though they basically were just chillin' in a cave. Because that's what character building gives you: payoffs. Well, Odyssey did none of that. All it did made me care about was to get all the loot, because that's what my mind always goes for in any game (I'm that kind of stupid ape). I didn't care about what would happen in the end – I just wanted to get there. I wanted to know how the story would end, but in whichever way it would, I knew I wouldn't care for it in the sense of being disappointed or yearning for a different outcome for the character I was so invested in, because, as I said, nothing got me invested in the character(s) in the first place. That's what bugged me the most about Odyssey. Not the flimsy feeling combat, not the husk of a world I found myself in, not the downgrade in design and animation, etc., but the lack of care it invoked.

Now, when Valhalla was originally announced, I was excited as I could be for a video game. Ubisoft was clearly aware of their mistakes with Odyssey and tried to show that they're willing to listen to their fanbase. A world where every area has its own identity? Sounds great. Heavy combat? Hell yeah. Gear and loot that actually matters and is special (unlike in Odyssey where after a few hours of playing you find yourself carrying the same fucking bow 25 times)? Oh my. Choices not for the sake of choices, but story? Yes please. I mean, if you have to implement choices. Even though choices don't really make sense in Assassin's Creed, but that's another topic.

Well, did it deliver (for me)? No. And to be completely honest, I prefer Odyssey, even as the grindfest that it is, over Valhalla, and me replaying Odyssey seems a lot more likely to me, than going through all of Valhalla again. I'm not going to list all of the points mentioned above again in full detail: The world is a bit more intriguing than Greece, but a shadow of what Egypt was. The combat feels heavy, yet every weapon looks too big (????) and it still feels a bit off. My biggest grudge of the minor points is actually the look/the graphics: How on earth does Valhalla manage to look less real than Origins? The fur and pelts on the armor, every piece of cloth, i mean just e v e r y t h i n g looks somewhat plasticy (at loss for a better word here; just compare Origins' outfits in motion to Valhalla's) Anyway, let's get to the real problem here, because all boils down to the point I've mentioned before: Invoking care.

This became very apparent to me after forging the fourth (?; was it the fourth? They all blur together. That's how e n t i c i n g they are. Great.) alliance or so. I didn't give a single fuck about the characters in those arcs. It was very clear that they'd be soon replaced by other characters in the next alliance's arc, which I probably wouldn't care for either, especially, since they all felt somewhat the same: empty. Alliances felt like checklists to do. Even Wincestre, which had an interesting beginning, somehow managed to loose all of its "darkness" after the first two quests. But I could overlook the dreary sidequest-like alliance arcs, if they served the main storyline in some way or form. Now you might ask, what main storyline? E x a c t l y. Looking back, there is none. At least not really. And there where a lot of times playing the game where I found myself wondering, if this alliance-arc-thing I was currently dragging myself through was in fact meant to be the actual story. But it shouldn't be. Was it? I have no fucking clue. My conclusion on what Valhalla's main overarching story is, is what follows:

Eivor's parents got killed when he was a child (never seen before lol), got adopted, and is now part of the Raven clan with his "brother" Sigurd//Sigurd comes home from some raid with the Assassins Basim and Hytham//(Eivor gets the Hidden Blade; I mean, this is an Assassin's Creed game. Big moment. Done in 2 seconds.)//Sigurd and Eivor aren't happy with the new King of Norway.//Sigurd and Eivor fuck off to England (with Basim and Hytham) to set camp there.//Eivor starts to forge alliances throughout England to make his clan's hold on England stronger.// Sigurd and Basim do their own thing.//Eivor meets Sigurd and Basim two or three times throughout his alliance forging.//Basim seems a bit off.//Sigurd says that he was told (by Basim?) that he is a descendant of the gods.// Sigurd wants to "pursue his destiny"// (sidenote: the last few things are all within one (!) short cutscene in a small house. d e v e l o p m e n t.)//Sigurd gets captured and tortured and loses his hand.//Eivor rescues Sigurd.// Sigurd is back in the settlement.//Sigurd distrusts Eivor because Eivor doesn't believe Sigurd and Sigurd thinks Eivor wants to take his title as the jarl (jarls are the bosses of settlements).// And then the end sequence hits. This is where I want to go into somewhat detail again. We go from Sigurd distrusts Eivor to "Eivor, I don't wanna be the boss of the town, so I don't hold a grudge anymore, let's go back to Norway and I'll show you I was right all along" like it's nothing. It's literally just that: You walk up to Sigurd, he says this (more or less) and you sail away. Again: development is taken very seriously in this game. Honestly, at this point I didn't even know that this was going to trigger the ending. My genuine thoughts were "Oh my, finally, after all this grinding, the story is going to start." when in reality of course, ironically, it was going to end. Absolute belter. So you sail to Norway with Sigurd, which takes fucking forever, because OF COURSE you have to sail (for everyone who didn't play the game, yes, sail, that means looking at a viking longship while occasionally moving the stick slightly to change its directions slightly) to your original settlement in Norway, for what feels like far too long, only to say Hi to your dad. Fucking lost it. I thought we were going to assassinate the King? Nah bruv let's just have some quick family talk instead. Some action? Nah. Just get back to the longship. A N D S T A R T S A I L I N G A G A I N. Where? Just around the curve of our settlement in Norway. Yes, they pulled the old trick of the ending is literally just right around the corner of your starting position hehe. Absolute belter. Is this to make it seem like something is about to happen? The calm before the storm? It doesn't work like that. Well, then you actually sail through a storm (lol), which doesn't matter, because Sigurd just says "Let's keep going" and, well, you keep going. Also, to this point the weather conditions have never affected neither Eivors health, nor the ship in any way whatsoever, so why should I be impacted by a storm now? Like, it's a nice thing for atmosphere, but at least make the ship harder to steer or something. Then you walk up a mountain. Funnily enough Sigurd walks in manner that shows that the walk against the storm isn't easy, whereas you, hah, you can just yeet yourself up that mountain like nothing. I could sprint up there. Fucking sprint. Anyway, Eivor and Sigurd enter the Isu temple, because of course, we had to throw an Isu temple in there, I mean, i t ' s A s s a s s i n ' s C r e e d. Was it hinted at before in the story? Not really. Were we chasing or searchig for it? Nah, better get that next alliance going. It just suddenly was. Again: development. So we walk to the main platform of the temple and activate the machine and bam we're in Valhalla (because at some point Ubisoft realised that maybe they should include what is literally in the name of the game). Again, were we looking for Valhalla? Like not in the sense that every viking was, but more in the sense

of was it the main objective of the game? Did Eivor look for a way to Valhalla? Was there anything that led us here other than Sigurd having had a few dreams (that only got mentioned, like, twice?) and being influenced into thinking he was a demigod or something? Nope, Eivor was looking for that next alliance to forge. So, Eivor realises that his experience of Valhalla is fake and he wants to get out. But fake-Odin doesn't want to let him go. In a really weird cutscene (jump to 6:30), Eivor eventually escapes Odin and enters a door with his settlement-family (look, I'm all here for metaphors, but this, this is just utter rubbish. It just doesn't make sense, and there is no payoff whatsoever). Odin actually had a build-up of some sort. In every assassination sequence he's there and talks with Eivor. I actually thought there would be some cool payoff/ending/reveal here. But nah, this ain't it chief. Yet somehow, until here, I had hope. I thought maybe now, building on all this confusion, there's gonna be a relatively good ending. Something enticing. Something that made everything somewhat worthwile. And Ubisoft went: Lol nah. So, you're out of the Isu machine again (for all the non-AC-peoples here: basically like the matrix. Eivor gets hooked up to the machine and experiences alternate reality: Valhalla), and Basim is there. What a twist. The guy that showed up like three times and went from friendly in the first time to super suspicious (like glaring-in-your-face-suspicious) in the two-or-so other major cutscenes he was in, has now been revealed as the enemy. Congrats to that. What a twist. The thing is, and this bothers me a lot actually, it could have been anyone there. It didn't need to be Basim. It wouldn't have felt out of place if it wasn't him. Why? Because Ubisoft failed terribly at making you connect to any character and at building any actual story (or character). It could have been Gunnar, the friendly black-smith in our settlement, and it would have been as fitting as Basim. Then Basim says that this is "for his son". Ah yes, the lost son of Basim, which was mentioned once. Right. Eivor defeats Basim by hooking him up on the Isu machine and gets back to the settlement with Sigurd (in my ending at least. There seems to be a possible ending in which Sigurd doesn't come back.) Cut to the modern day, where Layla now knows the coordinates of the Isu temple, goes there, hooks herself up to the machine, becomes the overseer of time with the other overseer of time which already was hanging out there (I mean yeah, great idea, terrible execution. Build it up, then you can have a payoff. This was just straight outta nowhere, and who cared about Layla anyway.) Anyway, meanwhile Basim, who was still hanging on that machine a fuck ton of years later, pops off, and is now living in the modern day. The idea here is, that we lost the hero (Layla) which caused the (just established) vilain (Basim) to do his fuckery in the modern day. But why should I care? Basim was basically nonexistent in the basically nonexistent story and suddendly I should feel sad or shocked, because he's in the modern day? Is this supposed to be intriguing? And yeah, Layla is "gone". Layla, who had no character building over three fucking games. Why should i be bothered? Why should I care about anything that just happened? Remember when a side character (Lucy) died in AC Brotherhood? That was intriguing. Why? Because they built her as a character we (Desmond) trusted, even though it was in the modern day (which no one really cares about in AC). And this is why Valhalla broke me and Odyssey didn't. Valhalla failed to make me care on a much deeper level. It's just a lot of nothingness. Empty characters in a nonexistent story. And by nonexistent, I mean non-built at all. When I play the game now, I have no actual reason, and throughout the game never actually had any actual reason, to continue. It was a chore. I didn't bother if after three hours of grind I would eventually get a mini-snippet of a husk of a story, and neither do I care now. Everything in

this game is so devoid of sparking curiosity and screams of lacklusterness to the point where I don't even know what I have actually expierenced. For fuck's sake Ubisoft, make me care again. At least once in 40 hours.

May I sum up Valhalla's "story" and content in the glorious words of Catherine Tate: Am I bovvered? The answer, sadly, is a holistic no.

#assassins creed #ac valhalla #sorry for the rant #this is my longest post yet #am i bovvered #sidenote: this is actually the first time that i'm genuinely pissed at ubisoft #i wasn't even this mad with odyssey #and that thing got a lot of hate #maybe i'm gonna delete this again

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