#experimenting with colour! let me know what u think idk

[josephwoll]

joseph woll | postgame at dallas | december, 19th 2024

[giveafike]

Hi can you write Ben Shelton x fem reader where reader is also a pro player and her and Ben are like close friends and team up to play mixed doubles in like the us open and it's kinda like friends to lovers and they being all flirty on court and eventually admit feelings to each other?

TLDR: STORY! Tennisplayer!fem reader x Ben Shelton friends to lovers. Sort of took them flirty on and off court. Tried to build it up. Mention of Bryan Shelton and Tommy Paul cameo, thanks for stopping by, kings.

Word count + info: 17.6k! SUPER LONG STORYTIME w dialogue! (over an hour's worth of reading, ouu you're well fed tonight)

Character Inspo: Just a sweet girl, like "girl-next-door" girl. Listened to "After the First Kiss" - Faye Webster writing this (cried on first listen, enjoy the link), if that helps you envision sweet, cute, pure vibes. No specifications are mentioned (except a general "shorter" height than Ben).

Warnings + Content Ahead: SFW - no warnings - slight mention of cheating and gaslighting.

Azzie Notes ✚: Hi my sweet munchkins! I'm so sorry anon, this took so long to come out but life got busy + then tumblr had this unavailable for me when I queued to post which tbh was a miracle bc I was rlly unsure while writing this, and I took my own time to reread and rework it, but idk guess I have writer's block, sorta? It doesn't feel like my best work... be brutally honest w me in ur feedback when u finish reading.

And then also there's a part that was just v vulnerable for me to write, but I couldn't really imagine the scene playing out any differently. Essentially, Y/N's dialogue about her ex - that's my lived experience...erm, so I was just tinkering of ways to rewrite it but I just couldn't think of anything else to fill it with.

Anywho, boy do I have a lotta requests coming up! Be patients w me pls! Also anon, "d" you are a genius, I'm so excited to write ur prompt hehehehe, but sorry if it takes some time :(. I got a Holiday surprise coming up, I'll lyk by the end of the month what that is, but OOOH, SFW Shelton nation, prepare urselves! How are we doing otherwise? Let me know! Are you taking good care of your health in these cold months + wrapping up? Make sure to get your vitamins in! Also, is my tumblr ugly? Should I make a colour theme and redo my masterlist properly? Help?

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Beyond the Baseline - B.T.S

The relationship between you and Ben Shelton was like watching day and night play tennis. Seriously, how could you be friends? What did you even have in common? What would you even talk about?

You, polished, textbook perfect, poised. A steady player who never lets emotions show on the court. Confident but never loud about it. After a win, you’d offer a graceful nod to the crowd, maybe a modest fist pump, but never more. Your game was a masterclass in precision in every shot calculated, every movement on and off court methodical. Fans admired how you dismantled opponents with strategy and patience, and your flawless form made it look effortless. Off the court, you were polite and kindred, smiling, making everyone feel at ease without even trying.

You were the embodiment of calm, pristine tennis. If anyone wanted an example of “playing by the book,” they’d point to you.

And then there was Ben Shelton.

Ben, who was your complete opposite. Loud, unpredictable, made waves and was unapologetic, and yet, utterly captivating. His game thrived on power and chaos, booming serves, fast sprinting bursts across the court, and reckless dives to the net, every point celebrated with fist pumps and wild energy. He lived for those moments that made crowds roar, he basked and riled the stands. When you calmly shake hands with your opponents, Ben chats effortlessly at the net, teasing, joking, and slapping his opponent’s back with that infectious grin. Impossible to dislike, even when he was cocky. Off the court, he was just as loud, just as alive when socialising. If you were a quiet, steady river with your course set, Ben was a wildfire, impossible to contain or predict.

Yet, somehow, despite your differences, you clicked.

It all started that first year on tour at a crossover event where the tours shared a venue. After a long day of matches, you found yourself in the players' lounge, neatly perched in a plush chair, legs crossed, posture upright and as perfect as ever. You still had that composed, in-control air about you, ready to handle anything gracefully.

Then, in strolled Ben Shelton.

He collapsed into the chair across from you, manspreading like it was his personal throne, slouching so far down it was a wonder he didn’t slide onto the floor.

He glanced at you with a lazy grin, his curls messy and unruly, his eyes sparkling with mischief. “Y'always sit like you’re posing for the cover of Tennis Monthly?” he asked, amusement laced with that accent of his, no intention of introductions or small talk.

You blinked, taken aback for a few seconds. “I-...what?”

“Yeah,” he continued, sitting up a bit as he waved a hand at your upright posture. “We’re off the court. Y'know, you can relax, right?”

You stared, completely thrown off by his audacity. Who starts a conversation like that? And how do you even reply to that? You didn’t even know him well, yet here he was already challenging you. Your lips broke into an awkward, tight line as your mouth was still agape, trying to find words to respond - not that you needed to, it seemed like Ben had more to tease you about, clearly enjoying your confusion with a wider, gummy smile.

“Don’t tell me you play tennis like this too, all tight 'n rigid. That's so boring.”

It took a moment, but when you finally brought your eyes up to his, you burst out laughing. His nerve! “You did not just say that,” you managed between giggles, shaking your head in disbelief. “My tennis form? Really? You want to talk about form and play?”

He shrugged, not even a little apologetic, enjoying the riffing as his feet rested against the coffee table filling the gap between you two. “Just sayin' loosen up. This isn’t a press conference. I mean, d'you even know how to slouch?”

You shot him a playful, mock-serious look, tucking a strand behind your ear as you leaned forward, your arms resting on your folded legs. “I can slouch.”

His eyebrows shot up in mock surprise, folding his arms over his chest. “Oh yeah? Prove it.”

You paused, narrowing your eyes at him in a challenge. Slowly, way more dramatically than necessary, you leaned back in your chair, gently scooting down an inch on the chair, still keeping your legs crossed but allowing just enough of a slouch to break your normally perfect posture. You looked more uncomfortable than anything, your back now curved, while every other inch of your body remained proper.

Ben snorted, shaking his head, eyes gleaming with amusement. “Wowwww,” he said, barely holding back a laugh. “Look at you. A real rebel huh?”

You rolled your eyes, bringing yourself back up to sit properly, but couldn’t stop the smile tugging at your lips. “I’m not trying to impress you, you know.”

“Oh?” he cocked his head to the side like a puppy, his grin turning into something softer. “Too late. You already have.”

Your heart skipped a beat, his words catching you completely off guard. There was something about the way he said it, teasing, but with an undertone that made butterflies dance in your stomach and your skin buzz. You found yourself opening your mouth to respond, but just like the other attempts, nothing came out. You just stared at him, feeling completely disarmed by his effortless charm. He didn’t push, just grinned and waited, like he was used to leaving people speechless.

How much confidence could a guy have, and how could he play it off so casually that you don't even mind it?

And in that moment, there was no awkward silence, no need for formalities. Just easy, unexpected banter that flowed naturally and lingered in your mind for longer than you'd like to admit. It wasn’t what you’d expected from someone like Ben, but somehow, it felt right. He opened a side of you within a few conversations, a side that took years of coaxing from some of your closest friends. You couldn't even explain it, for everything you both were and were not, somehow ying and yang, a mountain and a streaming river, you were opposites and yet fit together like a landscape. He’d broken through your perfectly composed exterior, making you laugh and talk without even trying, and for some reason, you didn’t mind at all.

And now here you are, present day, strolling through an Australian mall at midday, looking the ever-polar opposites.

You strode in your knitted cardigan top and straight-leg pants while Ben towered over in a casual t-shirt and his signature stupidly short black shorts. Your arm was casually linked with Ben’s, your steps in sync like this was second nature. It wasn’t unusual for you two to walk like this; in fact, it would be strange if you didn’t. Over time as you both got to know each other, it had started as a joke but became a habit, something along the lines of Ben not wanting you to get "swept away by the crowds". You shared this easy closeness, the kind that people would easily mistake for a couple, but it was just the way you were.

Or at least, that’s what you told yourselves.

“Hey,” Ben’s voice interrupted your thoughts. You blinked, realising he was watching you, that knowing grin pulling at the corner of his mouth. His finger was pointing at a poster right beside a warm small shop.

“Didn’t you mention that necklace before on call a while ago? Wanna go in and have a look?”

You shook your head, brushing it off. “Oh, no, I was just-”

Before you could finish, he was already steering you toward the small store, his hand warm on your shoulder. “C’mon, just looking, right? Besides, you need to get somethin' while we're here. Not like you can't afford it.” He flashed you a wink that made your stomach flip.

The two of you stepped into the warm-lit shop, drawing a few amused glances from the few other customers and the shop assistant. It only really occurred just odd you two looked, Ben in his usual casual attire, slouched with his hands in his pockets, striding while examining the glass displays and you, neat and polished, hands folded and shy.

Ben leaned close, glancing over the cases as if he actually knew what he was looking at. “So you’re gonna match with me and get one of those silver chains, right?” He tugged at his thick metal chain with a smirk, raising an eyebrow at you.

You rolled your eyes, fighting back a smile. “Yeah, Ben, because that would look so ‘me,’ right?”

He snorted. “What, scared of a little edge? Imagine the next headline: ‘Good Girl Gone Bad’ ”

“Or,” you retorted, arching a brow, “it could just read ‘WTA Pro Loses It With a Clear Cry for Help.’”

He chuckled, his laugh low and genuinely amused. But then his expression softened as he caught sight of the delicate rose-gold necklace you’d been admiring. “Alright, alright. Let’s see the one you’re actually into.”

You glanced at him, surprised he remembered the specific piece. And the next thing you knew, he had the case brought out by the sales assistant. The delicate rose gold chain necklace with its beautifully intricate pendant sat in front of you. It wasn't long before the cool metal met your fingers as you gently hauled it out from its bed and into your hands, your breath hitching as you studied it dozens of times, trying to engrave it into your memory. Before you could think twice, you broke your trance and handed it to him.

“Help me put it on?”

Ben’s brows shot up, but he didn’t hesitate. “Turning this into a whole trust exercise, huh?”

“Shut up,” you muttered, turning around and sweeping your hair aside.

“Turn around,” he said, his voice quiet with a flutter of nervousness.

Obediently, you turned, holding your hair up and out of the way, feeling his hands slip around to clasp the necklace at the back of your neck. His fingers brushed your skin, surprisingly gently, and suddenly it was hard to focus on anything else but the feel of his hands there. His fingers trembled ever so slightly, his large digits fiddling with the small dainty clasp. You couldn't help but feel hyper-aware of his touch as you let out a small gasp, only for you to hear; the way he just barely grazed your neck for fleeting milliseconds, how his breath was ghosting over your ear in steady, focused breaths, how his tongue stuck out ever so slightly as he focused, his eyes honed in on getting this one thing right just for you - it was far too much.

You swallowed, realising this was the first time he’d ever been this close in this way, this… tender. A part of you wanted to step forward, break the tension, take the necklace and put it on yourself, the burning, buzzing sensation being oh so overwhelming to the point where it felt you might evaporate on this spot, right here right now. But realistically even if you really wanted to, you couldn't force or make yourself move, the feeling was like a drug, coursing through you and this was your euphoria, your high, something you hadn't felt in a long time, or maybe ever and you had no intention of cutting it short.

You gently bring your gaze up from your shoes, to the mirror and stare at him, running your eyes over his face. It's just a necklace, he's just helping you, c'mon get it together!

“There,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper, and you felt the clasp fall onto your skin. But he didn’t step back right away. His fingers trailed down, skimming the nape of your neck, and for a second you thought - no, you knew - he was about to say something else, he took a sharp intake but then hesitated and remained in his silence. You look up in the mirror, seeing him still staring at your neck, and your hair, slowly meeting your eyes in the mirror before he realises he's been caught. He stepped back, his familiar grin slipping back into place, and the moment passed like a puff of smoke.

“How does it look?” you asked, your voice barely above a whisper, breaking free from the dizzy haze you've created in your head.

“Looks good,” he said lightly, and you hated the way your heart twisted at the easy casualness of his tone. He flashed you that infuriating smile, the one that made you both want to slap him and pull him closer at the same time.

“Yeah,” you said, your voice tight, almost irritated that you felt this intense pull that didn't seem to affect him nearly as much as it affected you. “Thanks.”

Your hand delicately took the pendant between your fingers, toying with it as you both stared at each other in the mirror entranced for a few moments, something shifting. You turned back to the display, focusing hard on the jewellery cases even though you could still feel the phantom warmth of his hands on your skin. You forced yourself to breathe evenly, to ignore the way your heart was racing, to pretend like everything was fine.

But as you looked at your reflection in the store’s mirror, the delicate gold resting against your collarbone, you couldn’t help but wonder if he knew, if he could feel it, too. The slow, insidious shift between you, the way everything had started to mean something when it was supposed to mean nothing at all. It wasn't the first time that Ben had done or said something that froze you, but it seems as though every encounter grows in its intensity, and worse, builds more confusion and haze inside of you.

“Guess that means you’re getting it, right?”

You gave him a shy smile breaking from your thoughts, turning around on your heel, still feeling the heat lingering on your neck. “I… think I might.”

As you admired the necklace in your hands, Ben flashed you a grin and excused himself, slipping off towards the main counter. You assumed he was just idly browsing or looking for something to keep him occupied while you made your decision. But when you turned to check on him, you saw him whispering something to the cashier, glancing over at you with a suspiciously wide grin.

You squinted, realising too late what he was up to. Just as you started toward him, the assistant who’d been helping you gently tapped your shoulder.

“Miss?” she said, her voice sweet but carefully practised. “We actually just got a similar collection of rose-gold necklaces in. You might want to take a look.”

You shot her a polite smile, still watching Ben out of the corner of your eye. “Oh, I think I’ve found the one-”

But Ben was already flashing his card to the cashier, sending you a playful wink and sticking his tongue out between his smile, before your assistant intercepted you again with a dazzling necklace display. By the time you returned to the counter, Ben was leaning casually, arms crossed, the structured paper bag already in his hand.

“Ben!” you hissed, reaching for it.

He laughed, holding it just out of your reach as he leaned in, his grin bordering on smug. “You don’t remember mentionin’ it twice, right?” he drawled, dripping with his usual playful tone, the same one that had you engaged from the day you first met. “Couldn’t risk lettin’ ya walk away from somethin’ you actually like.”

You smacked his arm lightly, only making him laugh more as he ducked away, looping his arm casually around your waist to draw you into a side hug. The warmth of his touch lingered, his hand resting comfortably at your hip. It was the sort of touch that should’ve felt natural by now, but somehow, it left you flustered. He was supposed to be the loud, obnoxious friend who made everyone laugh. So why did it feel like every touch, every sideways glance in your direction, especially today, held a weight that left you breathless? You hated that it was him, the one person you thought you’d never lose your cool around, who could make your composure slip so effortlessly.

“Don’t go gettin’ all mad,” he said, that easy grin still in place, his accent softening in a way that had your stomach fluttering. “It’s just a little token of your winnin's.”

You mumbled something about unfair tactics, even as your hand settled into his. He finally laughed, still holding your bag and chuckling as he looked around the mall. His gaze landed on a clothing shop just ahead, and his face lit up.

“Alright, you got your shiny new necklace. Now you’re helpin’ me pick out a hoodie,” he said, giving you a grin that could only be described as downright cocky. “Let’s see if I can look half as put together as you.”

“Fine,” you replied, barely suppressing a smile, “but don't expect me to return the payment favour, that's on you.”

Ben just laughed, letting you walk in first before he strolled in behind you. “Wouldn’t dream of it.”

Once inside, Ben beelined for the hoodies, pulling out everything he could get his hands on without checking the tags or sizes. He held up a dark blue one with a shrug, grinning as he tossed it in your direction. “This one’s a classic, right? Nice and oversized?”

“Ben,” you said, giving him an exasperated look as you held the fabric up, it's nowhere near his size, way too small. “This wouldn’t even fit you like a sleeve. This would be a corset for you. Besides, since when do you need an oversized anything?”

He chuckled, looking down at his broad shoulders and long frame. “Point taken. Let’s see, you’re gonna have to help me find somethin’… refined. Like me.”

You rolled your eyes, but reached for a khaki cream-coloured hoodie, holding it up in front of him. “This one’s got ‘actually dressed himself’ written all over it.”

Ben took it from you and pulled it over his head without bothering to even look for the changing rooms, letting it settle over his broad shoulders and across his arms, the fabric fitting perfectly. He adjusted the sleeves, smoothing out a crease as he caught your eye with a playful smirk.

“So, how do I look? All cleaned up, or just half?”

You stepped closer, straightening the hood and smoothing the fabric across his chest and shoulders. “Not bad,” you said, nodding approvingly. “Maybe the best-dressed you’ve ever been for casual attire.”

Ben cleared his throat, a small blush creeping up his neck before he made a funny face at you and pushed your face away with his palm, making you laugh. You reached up and tugged the hood down over his face in response. “Stop it! Do you ever act normal?”

From underneath the hood, his face was hidden but the smile in his tone gave him away. “Normal? C’mon, that doesn’t sound like me at all.”

He yanked the hood off, reaching for another hoodie, examining a grey one this time. He pulled the cream hoodie up over his head, and just as he tugged it up, you realised his T-shirt was trying to come with it. Without thinking, you reached over and tugged his shirt back down, cheeks warming as he slipped into the hoodie with a cheeky grin.

“Good save,” he said, finally adjusting the fit with a little salute. “Now I really gotta make you my official stylist.”

“Oh, if it means I get to stop you from embarrassing yourself in public, I’ll do it,” you replied with a grin.

Ben just rolled his eyes sassily as he watched you inspect the look as he pulled the grey one on. “Don’t go givin’ me too many compliments now. Might go straight to my head.”

You laughed, giving his chest a final pat. “I’d say we’ve got it just right.”

After a long day of shopping and conversing together, the last thing you needed was more conversation, you couldn't wait to take yourself to your hotel room and sink in everything that had happened and everything that had been felt. As you took your small bags from Ben's hands you stood in the elevator, engrossed in the gossip Ben was subjecting you to, something to do with car dealers. Somewhere along the way, Ben had even pressed the button to your floor himself.

By the time you unlocked your door, it was almost automatic; you turned to face him, assuming he’d say goodbye and let you get some rest. But he strolled right in, still mid-sentence, as if he had every right to be there. You stood in the doorframe, breaking your smile and shaking your head, mouth agape as you realised what just happened.

“Ben... did you just follow me into my hotel room?” you asked, crossing your arms as you watched him plop down on your bed like he owned the place.

“Pfft,” he scoffed, “don’t flatter yourself. You ain’t got nothin’ in here worth followin’ you for - ‘cept maybe more of that wild fashion sense you got.” He shot you a teasing grin, his eyes flicking over to the small shopping bags you’d set down on the dresser.

You crossed your arms, raising an eyebrow. “Oh, so now you’re a fashion critic too? I didn’t hear you complaining when I helped you pick out those hoodies.”

He laughed, that easy, familiar sound filling the room, and leaned back, propping himself up on his elbows. “Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I still think you coulda gone a little crazier. All that walking around and y' bought tiny, little things like that necklace. Real tame, you know?”

You rolled your eyes, fighting the urge to smile. “It’s called being tasteful, Ben. Not everyone can rock 'big and bold' like you.”

He gave you a mock-offended look, his drawl growing thicker. “Well, we can’t all be boring, now can we, darlin'?”

You felt a flicker of something under his words - the teasing words hung in the air longer than you expected, and you felt a jolt of something, nothing you could name, but enough to make you look away first, pretending to busy yourself with the bags again as you cleared your throat.

“Right,” you said, voice light, “because you’re the definition of exciting. The guy who almost bought a novelty koala mug for fifty bucks.”

“Hey, c'mon now, that mug was a steal,” he shot back, eyes glinting with amusement. “And besides, who’s gonna stop me? You?”

You giggled softly, flopping down beside him on your stomach, your elbow brushing the bedspread as you kept a careful inch of space between you. The gap between you felt electric, buzzing with that familiar charge you both pretended not to notice. “I already did, remember? I’ve saved you so many times from a lifetime of tacky souvenirs. You’d be drowning in cheap tourist mugs if it weren’t for me.”

Ben’s face softened, his smirk fading into something almost thoughtful as he rolled onto his side, propping his head up with one hand. “Guess I owe you, then,” he said quietly, his tone lower, like he was sharing a secret.

The room seemed to hold its breath, and you swore the sunlight dimmed just a little, softening the angles of his face. For a heartbeat, you thought he was going to say something more, something that would change everything between you. You caught the scent of his cologne, warm and fresh with a hint of spice, and your eyes flickered down to his lips, wondering if he’d noticed the way you’d frozen like a deer in headlights, caught between teasing and leaning in, unsure if you were daring him or daring yourself.

His gaze dropped, almost imperceptibly, to where your fingers played with the loose thread on the edge of the bedspread, and it was like he saw right through you. The air crackled, the tension stretching out like a taut string, ready to snap making you feel all sorts of woozy. You knew if you moved, if you even breathed too deeply, it would shatter whatever fragile moment this was. He was watching you so closely, noticing everything, the angle of your face, the way your hair fell, the way your breath caught just a little too fast, the tiny smile you couldn’t quite hide.

And then he grinned as he caught your smile; a lazy, crooked grin that made your heart skip. The vulnerability in his eyes flickered and was gone, hidden behind that familiar playful charm. It was safer that way, easier to laugh it off than to admit there might be something real between you.

You nudged him gently with your shoulder, letting out a breath you hadn’t realised you’d been holding, aching from the sincere moment but almost glad it passed. Almost.

“You definitely do,” you said, your voice deliberately light.

Ben chuckled, a warm, rumbling sound that made you feel both safe and entirely off-balance. “Deal, you got it. How about some snacks? But, if I’m buyin’, you can’t go pullin’ that health-nut stuff on me. It’s gotta be a proper snack run, none of your boring, practical choices.”

“Oh, I’m so there,” you replied, half laughing, half trying to mask the flush that was still heating your cheeks. “Just don’t get all whiny if I veto your terrible taste.”

He sat up, giving you a mockingly serious look, his expression exaggeratedly grave. “Whiny? I don’t whine. I’m just... persuasive.”

“Sure you are,” you teased, feeling the tension still lingering about in the air.

You reached out to push his shoulder playfully, but he was faster. His hand caught yours, fingers curling around yours in a way that sent a spark racing up your arm. For a second, everything went still, the noise from the street outside faded, and the weight of the bed shifted beneath you, but all you could feel was the heat of his palm against yours.

It was Ben who let go first, his eyes gleaming with that familiar mischievous spark. “9, don’t be late,” he said, pushing himself off the bed with a careless grin.

You watched him head for the door, your pulse still racing in your chest. “I’m never late,” you shot back, trying to sound unaffected despite the way your voice wavered, light and teasing.

He paused in the doorway, throwing a look over his shoulder, his eyes softer than usual, almost expectant. “We’ll see about that,” he said with a wink before disappearing into the hallway, leaving you staring at the closed door, still lying on the bed, with a strange, buzzing feeling beneath your skin. You couldn't help but feel the heat rise to your face, your hand on fire from the interaction as you stared around, dumbfounded from the passing moments.

Later that night, you headed to the hotel lobby, the low hum of late-night travellers and the clinking of glass doors filling the space. You spotted Ben before he saw you, leaning casually against a column in a purple hoodie, scrolling through his phone with a barely-there smile tugging at his lips.

He looked up the second the elevator doors opened, and whatever he’d been expecting, it wasn’t you in a simple top with the sleeves pushed up and cargo pants, like you were trying too hard to look like you weren’t trying at all.

His eyebrows lifted, a grin spreading slow and wide. “That’s what you’re wearin’?” he said, not even bothering to hide his amusement.

You scoffed, furrowing your brows, shoving your hands in your pockets before muttering, “Yeah... what’s wrong with it?”

He rolled his eyes, but you caught the way they softened, something playful and gentle mingling with the mischief. Without saying a word, he dug into his bag and pulled out a well-worn hoodie, its cuffs fraying slightly and the colour slightly faded from too many washes. “Here,” he said, thrusting it at you. “You’re not goin’ anywhere with me like that.”

You gave him a long, unamused stare. “Seriously?”

“Seriously,” he shot back, voice dropping lower, teasing. “Don’t make me beg.”

You snatched the hoodie from him with a huff, feeling a warmth that had nothing to do with the fabric as you slipped it over your head. It was massive, swallowing you whole, the sleeves dangling well past your hands. You tugged at the cuffs, rolling them up clumsily and folding the bottom into your waistband so it didn't completely swallow you up as Ben watched with a satisfied smirk.

“Better,” he declared, like he’d personally fixed a crisis.

“Happy now?” you asked, your voice sharper than you’d intended, but you couldn’t help the way your heart picked up speed when he looked at you like that like you were more than just some friend he dragged along on a whim.

He just grinned and nodded. “Let’s go.”

The grocery store was nearly empty, the white-lit aisles stretching out like pathways to nowhere. The two of you wandered slowly at first, examining small differences side by side, until you found yourselves in the snack aisle, surrounded by walls of bright, neon packaging. Ben was in his element, zeroing in on the loudest, most ridiculous options like a kid in a candy store.

He plucked a bag of neon-orange chips from the shelf, shaking it lightly. “Alright,” he said, his tone suddenly all business, “What’s your stance on cheese puffs?”

You glanced at the bag and back at him, raising an eyebrow. “That’s not food, that’s...radioactive material. Nothing should be that orange.”

He gasped mouth agape before forming a pout, side-eyeing you. “Loud and wrong, but okay...”

You snatched the bag from his hand, tossing it into the cart anyway. “Fine. But we’re getting something that won’t kill us on the spot too.”

“Oh, here we go,” he groaned, watching as you added a box of granola bars to the mix with a self-satisfied smile. He shook his head, grabbing the cart handle and steering it down the aisle with a flourish.

“You’re no fun.”

“Somebody has to be the adult,” you said lightly, your shoulder brushing his as you walked.

The cart squeaked slightly as you rounded the corner, stopping to examine a box and before you knew it, Ben had snuck up behind you, his hands on your waist, lifting you off the floor in one swift movement. You barely had time to react before he dropped you, albeit with a slightly abrupt drop, laughing into the cart like it was the most natural thing in the world. You gasped, grabbing at the edges of the cart to steady yourself as he pushed forward, his laughter echoing off the empty shelves.

“Ben, what are you doing?” you demanded, half-exasperated, half-laughing as the cart picked up speed.

“Shoppin’!” he said nonchalantly, his voice lilting with barely suppressed giggles. “What’s it look like?”

You tried to glare at him, but the sound of his laughter, the way he moved so easily beside you, pulling you into his orbit, made it impossible to be mad. He flipped the hood over your face without warning, almost like payback from your antics earlier and you yelped, fumbling to throw it off your face as he made a dramatic show of spinning the cart around in circles in a wide arc, as if he were doing doughnuts in his car, laughing as you swayed and clung to the sides.

“Ben, you’re insane!” you shouted, but it came out more like a giggle, and you knew he’d hear it for what it was; a thrill you couldn’t quite hide.

“Yeah, but you love it!” he shot back, slowing the cart and landing it to face him, just enough to meet your eyes, the world narrowing down to the space between you. His smile was softer now, more intimate like he’d forgotten you were in a brightly lit grocery store at all.

For a second, you forgot too. Forgot about the shelves stacked high with candy and cereal, the fluorescent lights buzzing overhead as your world came back from spinning and went straight into those puppy-dog brown eyes that always invited you so warmly. It was just him, and the warmth in him, the way he was looking at you like he could see straight through all the walls you’d built up.

Then he blinked, breaking the moment, and you cleared your throat, holding your sides tighter like it was armour. “C’mon,” you said, your voice a little too casual. “We still need to get some popcorn.”

His smirk returned a flash of teeth and mischief. “Only if I get to pick.”

“Fine,” you said, hopping out of the cart in a not-so-gracious way, almost tripping and falling over before you found your feet, while he squeezed his eyes shut and stifled a laugh. You ignored him and nudged him aside as you led the way, leaving him and the cart behind. “We’re not getting any of that sugar-loaded nonsense.”

“Deal,” he said easily, falling back into step beside you, close enough that his arm brushed yours with every step as he leaned onto the shopping cart's handle. It was comfortable, this back-and-forth, like a dance you’d both practised without realising.

The rest of the trip was a blur of bright colours and easy laughter, you vetoing his most ridiculous choices and him sneaking them into the cart when he thought you weren’t looking. There was something electric in the air, a charge that made you feel light and breathless. Every time your eyes met, it was like the world shrunk just a little more, leaving just the two of you standing there, suspended in a moment that neither of you wanted to end.

By the time you left, the night air was cool and crisp, and the city lights blurred into a haze of gold and blue. You carried your small, modest box of granola bars easily while Ben lugged a full backpack and a crinkling, overstuffed plastic bag of brightly coloured chaos, bumping your shoulder with his as you walked.

“Y’know,” he began, adding a lazy warmth to the night air, “if you think for one second that’s the last time I’m gonna put you in a cart, you’re wrong.”

You huffed out a small laugh, shaking your head. “Oh yeah? You're planning on carrying me around as part of your personal grocery haul from now on?”

He shot you a playful grin, his smile wide and easy. “Might just make it a habit. You fit in there pretty nice.”

Rolling your eyes, you bumped his arm with yours, but the warmth lingered longer than you expected. “You’re a menace, you know that?”

“Hey, I don't hear nobody complainin’ ‘bout bein’ chauffeured around,” he shot back, his eyes glimmering in the low streetlights. “And don’t pretend you didn’t love it. Saw you smilin’ the whole way.”

You tried to hide your grin, biting down on your lip. “I was not smiling.”

“Sure you weren’t,” he said, his voice dipping into a teasing drawl, and you knew he saw right through you. He always did, with that irritating, endearing way of his.

He kept walking, and you fell into an easy stride beside him, the silence that stretched out feeling warm, and comfortable, the kind that made you feel like you didn’t need to fill it with words.

As you cross the street, your fingers accidentally brush his for a split second, and you both tense up, the smallest contact sparking between you like static. But he didn’t pull away. Instead, he shot you a quick, almost shy smile before looking up at the half-lit sky.

“I’ve got an idea,” he said suddenly as if the thought had just hit him. “There’s this café I saw online, right? Said they’ve got the best breakfast sandwiches in Australia. And it's like, a 15-minute walk from the hotel.”

You raised an eyebrow, amused. “Yeah? And what, you’re planning to drag me out of bed before dawn just to try a sandwich?”

“Exactly! You read my mind!” he yelped excitedly without missing a beat, clearly not hearing your sarcasm. “We’ll beat the crowd! No lines, best seat in the house. Plus,” he added with a wink, “you look like you could use a proper breakfast after that grocery store workout.”

You gave him a sceptical look, though a smile tugged at your lips. “Fine. But if it’s some overhyped, greasy thing, you owe me.”

“I’ll take that bet,” he said, flashing that confident grin that made it impossible to say no. The walk back to the hotel was quieter, the playful back-and-forth giving way to a comfortable, unspoken understanding that neither of you wanted to break. After many attempts at trying to close the door on Ben only to be interrupted by "Wait, one last thing before I go"'s and many, many awful jokes, you finally found yourself drained as you collapsed onto your bed. You quickly set a reminder for his ridiculous plan, and a dreadful 5am alarm was made, leaving you with not nearly enough time to rest after the day's antics.

The alarm dragged you out of a deep sleep way too soon, feeling like you had just fallen into slumber. You groaned, fumbling to silence it, barely managing to swing your legs over the side of the bed before realising you were still wrapped in Ben’s hoodie, the fabric heavy and warm, smelling of cologne and well, him. Blinking blearily, you forced yourself to move, your mind foggy with sleep, the hotel room still wrapped in low shadow. The chill of the early hour made you pull the hoodie tighter around yourself, the soft material a comfort against the cold.

When you finally stumbled downstairs to the lobby, he was already there, leaning casually against the doorframe, one hand shoved into his pocket, the other holding a steaming ceramic cup of coffee. He looked up at the sound of your footsteps, and you noticed the way his eyes went wide for a second before he quickly masked it with a crooked smile. His hair was messy, and he looked like he hadn’t been awake for long, but the sight of him made your chest feel oddly light. You were still half-asleep, your hair barely brushed, eyes slightly open, and wearing his hoodie like it was a shield against the early morning chill.

"Hey, sleepyhead," he said, his voice rough and deep with sleep, the sound of it washing over you like a warm wave. There was a hitch in his tone, something unsteady and unguarded, and it made your stomach flutter in a way you couldn’t quite explain. "You look... cozy."

You tried to rub the sleep from your eyes, barely registering his words. “What?” you mumbled, blinking up at him.

The lights in the lobby were harsh, making you squint, and you fumbled with the hood, pushing it back slightly. Your fingers felt clumsy, too heavy, and you knew you looked a mess. No makeup, hair lazily brushed, the sleeves of his hoodie falling over your hands like a second blanket.

His gaze lingered, and he cleared his throat, glancing away quickly like he’d seen something he shouldn’t. “I, uh... you’re wearin’ my hoodie,” he said, a slow smile tugging at his lips despite the awkwardness in his voice.

“Didn’t think you’d be, y’know, sleepin’ in it.”

Your cheeks warmed, and you shrugged, still too groggy to care much. “It’s comfortable,” you muttered, your voice muffled with sleep. “I just… forgot to take it off.”

He was quiet for a beat too long like he was turning your words over in his mind, and you noticed the way he was looking at you, really looking, like he was seeing something he hadn’t expected. You wanted to say something, to break the strange heaviness of the moment, but your brain felt slow and thick with exhaustion, and all you could do was yawn and shift your weight from one foot to the other.

“Yeah?” he asked, his voice softer, a bit hesitant, like he wasn’t sure if he should keep pushing. His eyes were bright despite the early hour, lingering on the way his hoodie hung loose on your frame, the oversized fabric almost swallowing you. “Well, it... looks good on you. Real good.”

You ducked your head, a sleepy laugh escaping your lips, trying to ignore the way your heart skipped at his words. “I’m sure it does, c'mon let's get going if we want to beat the queue or whatever,” you teased, though there was no bite behind it. You didn’t have the energy for anything but honesty, and you were still caught up in the warmth of his hoodie, the way it felt like a shield against the morning chill.

His grin softened, and he rubbed the back of his neck, looking suddenly self-conscious. “Nah, I mean it,” he said, his drawl slow and unsteady. “Didn’t know you’d make my old thing look that good.”

You shrugged again, feeling your face flush as you ducked your chin deeper into the collar of the hoodie. “Guess I’ll take that as a compliment,” you said, your voice barely above a whisper, your eyes still half-closed, struggling to focus in the dim lighting.

“Yeah, you should,” he said, the words coming out a little too fast like he couldn’t quite control the way they slipped out. He was still watching you, his gaze almost tender, his usual confidence faltering in the face of your sleepy vulnerability.

You felt an odd sensation bloom in your chest. Something soft and unsteady, and you weren’t sure if it was the early hour, his deep, sleep-rough voice, or the way he couldn’t seem to look away from you. You fumbled to roll up the too-long sleeves, your fingers barely managing to fold the fabric back, and Ben’s gaze followed the movement, his eyes flickering with something you couldn’t quite name.

He hesitated, then stepped closer, his movements careful and unhurried, like he was testing the boundaries of whatever this was between you. He lifted his coffee cup, its warmth radiating outwards as he held it just inches from your face. “Here,” he offered his voice still that deep morning rumble that made your stomach twist. “You look like you could use this more than I do.”

Ben handed you the mug, and as you took a sip, your fingers barely brushed his, such a small, fleeting touch that it might as well have been an accident. But the warmth of it lingered, and Ben’s eyes, still sleepy but more awake than yours, didn’t stray from your face. You were too groggy to notice as you took a deep gulp of the warm coffee. It was rich and comforting, exactly what you needed to get moving, and you barely caught the way Ben's gaze softened as you closed your eyes and sighed contentedly.

You held the mug back out to him, half-smiling as you blinked against the morning light spilling through the windows. “Okay, I'll admit, it’s good,” you admitted, handing it over with a sleepy grin.

Ben grinned back, his tone suddenly lighter as he accepted the mug again. “Mhm, damn right,” his drawl thick in the early hour, the kind that always made you feel just a bit more awake than you were ready for. His voice was deep, still rough from sleep, and you felt a strange flutter at the sound of it, so different from his usual light-hearted teasing. He looked like he wanted to add something further, but instead, he raised the mug to his lips, pausing for the briefest moment before taking a sip from the exact spot where your mouth had just been.

“Let’s go,” he said softly, his voice a little rough, almost hesitant, and you nodded, letting him lead the way out into the slowly illuminating streets.

The walk to the café was quiet, but it was a different kind of quiet now, one that felt heavy with things left unsaid, with the strange intimacy of the moment lingering between you like a secret. Your footsteps echoed against the pavement, and you felt more awake with each step, the chilly air biting at your face and the faint light from the rising sun glinting off the windows above. Ben was walking a little too close, his arm brushing yours every now and then, and you noticed the way he kept sneaking glances at you as if he was trying to memorise every detail, the way his hoodie pooled around your hips, the faint shadow of sleep still lingering in your eyes and on your pouted lips, the way you hadn’t bothered to fix your hair or hide the bare honesty of your face.

“Don't think I’ve ever seen you this early before,” he said suddenly, his voice breaking the silence, low and rumbling like distant thunder. “No makeup, no fancy clothes. Just... I don't know, man, just you.”

You looked up at him, squinting a little against the first light of dawn, and tried to muster up some kind of retort, but all you could manage was a half-hearted, sleepy smile. “Disappointed?” you teased, your voice barely above a whisper.

“Not even a little,” he said, and the sincerity in his voice hit you like a punch to the gut. He smiled, the edges of his mouth curling up in that familiar way that made your heart skip, and you found yourself smiling back without even realising it, feeling lighter and warmer than you had in a long time.

The two of you arrived at the café, footsteps slowing as you got closer. But when you reached the door, your heart sank. Not a single person lined up. The café was dark, the interior shrouded in shadows, and there, taped to the inside of the window, was a handwritten sign that read: Closed. Opens at 7 AM.

You blinked at it, still half-asleep, your shoulders slumping as disappointment settled in. “Ben,” you dragged a hand over your face before narrowing your eyes at him, “you’re telling me I could’ve slept for two more hours? I thought it'd be open sooner!”

“Hey, who needs sleep?” he said, shrugging without a hint of regret. He gestured to the empty curb across the street with a grin. “C’mon. Let’s sit it out. I’ll make the time fly right by.”

You rolled your eyes but couldn’t help the small smile tugging at your lips. Despite the chill in the early-morning air, you settled beside him on the curb, arms wrapped tightly around yourself as you rested your chin atop your knees. The street was quiet in the way only early morning can be, just the two of you and the distant hum of a waking city.

Ben stretched his long legs out in front of him like he owned the street. There was something so easy about sitting there with him in the silence, the air crisp and the sky just beginning to lighten with the first hints of dawn. You watched the horizon, focusing on the deepening shades of indigo and pale gold, the familiar comfort of the city awakening inch by inch. It was strange how easy it was to be around him, how your guard dropped without you even noticing. His presence was effortless, and the way his eyes rested on you every now and then, like you were someone worth seeing, made you feel something you didn’t quite want to name yet.

“You know,” he murmured, a hint of his usual humour in his tone, “you’re not half bad at relaxin’ after all.”

You shot him a soft glare, lips twitching. “Are you trying to say I’m fun?”

“Hmm...I’d say a little more than fun,” he replied, his smile widening. “But let’s just leave it at that for now. At least no one’s in line, so we’ll get the best seat in the house when they do open” He glanced over to you as he leaned back on his palms.

You chuckled, glancing at the empty street. The entire street was silent, just the two of you in the quiet stillness of dawn. You relaxed a little, sinking further into the oversized hoodie that smelled like him, comforting and familiar.

After a while, he nudged you with his shoulder, his eyes up to the sky but his voice low. “You ever notice how I always seem to get you roped into these side quests of mine?” he asked, a hint of a smirk tugging at his lips. “Errands, random snack runs, you name it.”

You shot him a sideways glance, fighting back a smirk. “Oh, I’ve noticed. You have a knack for it, Ben. You’re lucky I can keep up. You nominated me for laundry duty last week too.”

He let his head back with a laugh. “Well, you’re good at it.”

You rolled your eyes, unable to help the smile that pulled at your lips. “Or maybe you’re just lazy.”

“Nah, it’s ‘cause you’re the only person who’ll actually come along for the ride,” he admitted, his gaze settling on you with a softness that made your heart skip. “Anyway… why don’t you ever bring a boyfriend along on one of these little errands? Not like you're short on admirers.”

His question caught you off guard, and you looked away, staring out at the sunrise as your thoughts turned inward. It was a topic you rarely touched, one you hadn’t even realised you’d been avoiding until now.“I don’t know,” you said softly, your voice distant and hesitant. “I guess, maybe… it’s just easier this way?”

“No one special you’re hiding from me, huh?” Ben’s tone was gentle, almost teasing, but his eyes held a genuine curiosity. He wanted to understand.

You swallowed, feeling a lump form in your throat. This was a part of yourself you rarely shared, a shadow you’d kept hidden for a long time. But the stillness of the morning and the warmth in his gaze tugged at something deep inside. “There was someone,” you admitted, barely above a whisper. “A while ago.”

He didn’t say anything, just watched you, the usual teasing gone, replaced by quiet patience.

“He... he liked that I had my life together, y'know? Like I was this 'go-getter,' always calm and composed,” you said, slowly letting the words surface. “Or at least, that’s what he told me. He said he liked that I wasn’t flashy and that I didn’t draw too much attention to myself. I think he appreciated my quiet confidence, and how I could go with the flow. Looking back, I think it was because he thought it made me easier to control...” You let out a short, hollow laugh that didn’t reach your eyes.

“I didn’t even realise when things shifted,” you continued, voice more firm now. “When he went from showing genuine interest to making all the decisions. It must've been gradual, but it felt like it just happened one day; I don’t know when it started. Suddenly, he was calling all the shots, and I thought I was just being a good partner. Compromising. Making space for him. Letting him be himself. But I didn’t see that, bit by bit, I was putting myself away.”

Ben’s jaw tightened, but he remained silent, his attention urging you to go on.

“He’d ignore my texts for hours, sometimes days, and then act like I was overreacting when I brought it up. But God forbid I missed one of his calls during training or when I was away on tour. If I couldn’t stay up late to talk, he’d make it into a huge deal. We’d set times to call, but he’d never follow through—and always with some lame excuse.”

You paused, drawing a deep breath, eyes fixed on a point in the distance.

“And then there were the arguments,” you said, voice tightening. “About the most impossible things—like how I didn’t spend enough time with him. How could I when I was half a world away? Or how my career always came first. He said I was boring, that I wasn’t spontaneous enough. But whenever I tried to change, there was always something else wrong. No matter what I did, it was never enough.”

Ben’s expression darkened, a flicker of frustration tightening the corners of his mouth. His hand was on the curb next to yours, close enough that you could feel the warmth of his skin—grounding you.

“Maybe he was jealous,” you said, the words almost to yourself. “That’s what my mom said. Jealous of my success, or of the fact that I had something I loved that wasn’t about him. He knew exactly how to make me feel small. Every victory, every career milestone, he’d twist it, make me feel like I was failing him. Like I was always letting him down. I thought... if I could just balance it all if I could make him happy, he’d love me the way I needed. But honestly? I don’t even know what I needed anymore, not when he was the one telling me how to feel.”

You swallowed, the bitterness of those memories heavy on your tongue.

“No matter how much I shifted or tried to be the girl he wanted, it was never enough. There was always another criticism, another reason why I wasn’t good enough. I was too selfish, too focused on my career, too indecisive, too... everything. And I believed him. I thought I was the problem. That I just couldn’t make him happy.”

A light breeze swept through the street, and you wrapped your arms around yourself, pulling your knees close as if to shield yourself from the weight of those memories.

“He was... God, Ben, you should've heard him. He was so relentless when he wanted to be. It felt like every part of my life was under a microscope, every single decision, every single choice; it was all wrong. All the things I loved, the things that made me proud, they just started to fade away, like they’d been drained of colour.”

Your voice cracked slightly, but you pushed on, finding strength in the words you’d never fully voiced before.

“I started to lose myself in a spiral. Everything felt so ... grey, so heavy like I was wading through water. I thought... isn’t this what relationships are? Compromise, sacrifice, working through the rough patches? That’s what I kept telling myself. I thought if I just tried harder, if I carried the weight for both of us, then maybe he’d be happy again, like how he was in the beginning. But I started wondering if I was even cut out for love. I mean, what does it even mean to love someone, really? All I knew was that I kept losing myself in the process, and it still wasn’t nearly enough.”

You exhaled, as the quiet of the morning felt almost too peaceful, the faint chirping of birds contrasting with the heaviness of what you were saying.

“And then he cheated,” you continued, your voice flat. “When I found out, he didn’t even try to deny it. He just looked at me, fatigued, and was like, ‘What did you expect with the way you treat me? Don’t be so naive.’ But you know what?”

You paused, a strange light creeping into your voice.

“It was almost a relief. Him cheating... it was my way out. For the first time, I had a solid, undeniable reason to leave. I didn’t have to keep convincing myself that I needed to try harder, or that it was all my fault.”

Your voice softened, carrying vulnerability.

“I don’t even know if I ever really loved him, or maybe, I don't know how to love. Maybe I just loved the idea of being loved or being enough for someone. But the truth is, I don’t think I even know what love is supposed to feel like. I gave everything I had, and it still wasn’t right, I felt so drained like a vampire had me. Maybe I’ve never felt real love, or maybe... maybe I’m just not meant for it.”

Ben’s silence was heavy beside you, his gaze unwavering, but you couldn’t bring yourself to meet his eyes. The shame and rawness of your words made your throat tighten, but you kept going.

“I stayed until I had nothing left to give until I got cheated on, and even then, I couldn’t tell you why. It was like I was trying to win a game I didn’t even understand. And in the end, I realised... I never even had him, not truly. I was always chasing something that wasn’t there. It was always a losing game, and I was the only one playing.”

Ben’s gaze was steady, the weight of your words hanging between you. Then he spoke, his tone warm and sincere. “You don’t deserve someone treating you like that. Not ever. I-"

He squeezed his eyes closed for a moment before he continued.

"I can’t even imagine doin' that to you. You’re more than enough, you always have been. You don’t need to change a single thing for anyone. Man, I like you just the way you are because I know you, and I know you’re worth so much more than what you settled for with that dick.”

A tear slid down your cheek, carrying all the hurt you’d kept buried for so long. You weren’t crying, not really, but his words had found their way past all your defences, and something inside you softened and broke open.

“Do you really mean that?” you asked, your voice small, almost scared, your eyes searching his.

Ben’s eyes locked onto yours, and something in his expression shifted. For a moment, he seemed almost stunned, his face softening, his features melting with a tenderness that made it hard to breathe. He reached out slowly to cup your face with his hand, as if afraid you might pull away, and when you didn’t, he gently wiped the tear from your cheek. His fingers lingered, brushing against your skin with a touch so careful it made your heart ache.

“I mean every word,” he said, his voice low and steady, barely more than a whisper. “I see you, Y/N. I’ve always seen you.”

His words hit you like a wave, and the tears came faster, though still silent. Ben’s expression softened even further, and he pulled you into him without hesitation, wrapping a strong arm around you, and holding you close. You pressed your face into his shoulder, feeling the warmth and solid comfort of him, and slowly, you let yourself sink into his embrace. He didn’t speak, just rubbed your back in gentle circles, his chin resting on top of your head.

After minutes had passed when the tightness in your chest had started to fade and the early morning warmth grew warmer, you felt him smile against your hair. He pulled back just enough to meet your eyes, and he said with a playful grin, “If this is all it takes to get a hug outta you, I should’ve asked sooner.”

You couldn’t help it, you let out a small, breathy laugh, rolling your eyes even as you stayed close to him, nestling your head before you lifted it up.

“Oh, shut up,” you said, smacking his shoulder lightly. “If I knew you were gonna use emotional blackmail for free hugs, I would’ve kept my distance.”

He chuckled, the sound low and comforting, and the warmth of the moment settled between you. You pulled away, wiping your face with the oversized sleeves of his old hoodie, the one that had become yours. The quiet returned, peaceful now, the sun creeping higher in the sky and washing everything in shades of soft orange and pink.

You sat together in silence, shoulder to shoulder, the pain slowly ebbing away as the world woke up around you. There was something different between you now, a shift that neither of you said out loud but both of you felt. For the first time in a long time, you felt a weight lift, and you let yourself relax against him, the silence and small conversation comfortable as you felt relief and warmth flow through you.

By the time the café finally opened, you and Ben had spent two hours huddled together as the sun began to bathe you two, and sharing quiet laughter as the world slowly woke up around you. The anticipation of the legendary breakfast had both of you giddy and a little loopy from the early start, making the time fly by.

But when the doors swung open and you finally got your hands on the much-hyped breakfast sandwiches, reality hit. The sandwiches were mediocre, wayyy too salty and the coffee was disappointingly weak. The "famous" breakfast sandwiches that Ben’s TikTok video had promised would be life-changing were, frankly, a letdown. Yet, it didn’t matter at all.

The two of you slid into a corner booth, expecting to sit across from each other, but Ben surprised you by scooting in right beside you, his thigh pressing lightly against yours. He stretched his legs out under the table, claiming the whole space as his own. You couldn’t help but laugh, leaning into his warmth as you sipped your disappointing coffee.

“This is the most underwhelming breakfast I’ve ever had,” you said, crinkling your nose as you picked at the sandwich.

Ben chuckled, flashing you a mischievous grin. “Guess I owe you a better one, next time” he teased, nudging your shoulder with his.

“Damn right, you do,” you shot back with a smirk.

Ben’s arm rested casually over the back of the booth, his fingers occasionally brushing your shoulder, sending shivers down your spine. Every small, careless touch, his knee nudging yours, his fingers grazing your hoodie, made it harder to ignore the fluttering in your chest. With each laugh and shared smile, you felt something shifting between you, something that made it impossible to see him as just a friend, especially after being so vulnerable earlier.

As the café started to fill with the morning crowd, you remained on the same side of the booth, your legs tangled comfortably under the table. There was an easy closeness between you now, a kind of unspoken understanding like you were sharing a secret that only the two of you knew. When he reached over to brush a crumb from your lip as you talked, his fingertips barely grazing your skin, you felt your cheeks heat and words stutter, but you didn’t pull away. The sun rose higher, streaming golden light through the café windows, and the warmth between you felt softer and more real than any disappointment over a bad breakfast. Ben’s presence was grounding, and for the first time in a very long time, you felt genuinely at ease, like the weight of your earlier conversation and all your own personal baggage had lessened, transformed into something lighter by his easy smile and gentle touch.

By the time you both decided to leave, you were still laughing over the overhyped “legendary” breakfast. As you stepped out onto the sun-drenched street, Ben’s hand slipped into yours with a light squeeze, like always, as if to say, I’m still here. I’ve got you. The simple gesture left your skin tingling, and your heart racing just a little faster.

You walked together down the slowly waking street back to the hotel, shoulder to shoulder, arms looped together, a warmth lingering between you that had nothing to do with the sunrise. The world around you was coming alive, but it felt like you were still living in that quiet, private space you'd created in the early morning hours, a small bubble of warmth and closeness that was just yours. Of course, it couldn't last long, not with training and matches coming up alongside personal commitments and whatever else, but having this quiet time together was more than rewarding.

As the café faded into the past, so did the warmth of those golden moments, but the echoes lingered. It wasn’t just the memory of his hand brushing yours or the way his laugh had chased away the lingering shadows of your conversation. It was the way he lingered, so effortlessly, so relentlessly, in the quiet spaces of your life.

You couldn’t stop thinking about him as your tour carried you to different cities. The way his hand had slipped into yours so naturally that morning replayed in your mind at the oddest times: during practice serves, mid-flight naps creeping into your peaceful dreams, even while unpacking yet another suitcase in yet another hotel room. It wasn’t like you wanted to be distracted, but Ben was everywhere, his presence stamped into your routine as if he’d always been part of it. And it seemed as though he had no intention of loosening that grip he had on your mind. Calls and messages were frequent as days blurred into one another, conversations that felt simultaneously too much and not nearly enough. Ones that'd have you squealing in bed as you reread over the texts or have you clutching your phone tight minutes after hanging up, savouring the small moments. The banter was still there, as effortless as it was grounding, but now it came with an undercurrent you couldn’t name, something unspoken threading its way through the pauses between your words. Ben became a comforting constant amid the chaos. He was always just a call or a text away, his presence a steady anchor even when everything else felt transient. And while you were grateful for the familiarity, it didn’t stop the butterflies that erupted every time his name lit up your phone.

Like tonight.

After a gruelling match and a hurried dinner that barely counted as a meal, you finally collapsed onto the hotel bed. The quiet of the room felt foreign after the noise of the day, but it was a relief until your phone buzzed on the nightstand. The call started with Ben’s face filling the screen, eyebrows raised and a smirk already in place.

“Hey, stranger,” he smiled in a sing-song tone.

“Oh, spare me,” you said, rolling your eyes but smiling despite yourself.

" 'Spare me?' ” Ben scoffed, kicking back and grinning at the screen. “Girl, you’re acting like you’re the only one with a rough schedule. What’ve you been up to? Post-match feast, or just a sad granola bar?”

You laughed, shaking your head. “Neither. Quick and quiet dinner after the match, some bland pasta with a wilted salad, the usual. Real glamorous stuff.You already back to your hotel?”

“Hours ago,” he said. “Caught the highlights of your match, though. That backhand winner down the line? Chef’s kiss.” He mimed a dramatic kiss to the camera. “You’re out here stealing the show.”

“Please,” you said, rolling your eyes, and shrugging. “It wasn’t even my best match. I’ll take a win, though.”

“Don’t be modest,” Ben teased. “Meanwhile, my highlights reel was probably just me sweating buckets with my shirt clinging to me and yelling after missing a forehand.”

You smirked. “Nah, you’re too busy being ‘America’s tennis heartthrob.’ I’m sure your fangirls don’t even notice the double faults.”

Ben groaned, throwing his head back. “Not this again.”

“Oh, come on,” you grinned, teasing him. “Tall, built, All-American golden boy? I’m shocked they haven’t made you into a wax figure yet! ATP should get on that, the more I think about it.”

He leaned forward, raising an eyebrow. “Is the golden boy charm working on you?”

You blinked, caught off guard, furrowing your brows. “What..? No. Shut up!”

Ben chuckled, clearly enjoying himself. “Hey, I was just checking. You're the one who brought it up.”

“Yeah, well…” you said, flustered, fumbling for a comeback. “I mean, I guess it’s a little funny. The way they’re all obsessed with you, I mean.”

He smirked. “Smooth save.”

“Whatever,” you muttered, looking away. “At least you’re not lonely on tour. You’ve got Bryan. Built-in travel buddy.”

Ben scrunched his face up. “Oh yeah, great idea! Let me just grab dinner with my dad after a match so he can spend two hours lecturing me about footwork and his ‘good ol’ days.’ ”

You laughed, before breaking into a pout. “Poor, poor Bryan. He just wants to hang out with his son, and you’re out here running from him.”

“I’m not running,” Ben said defensively. “I’m…um, strategically avoiding.”

“Sure you are.”

“And anyway, no one here’s like you,” he added, his tone casual but his gaze steady.

That caught you off guard. “Yeah-w-what?”

Ben’s smirk deepened. “Don’t choke now. Where’s that quick wit of yours?”

“Shut it,” you groaned, your face heating up as you pressed your face into the mattress.

“Aw, you’re blushing,” he teased, leaning closer to the camera. “Cat really got your tongue this time, huh?”

“Ben, I swear to God,” you said, groaning and burying your face in your hands and dropping the phone.

He laughed, clearly triumphant. “It’s okay, you’ll get me back at the charity doubles event in a few months. I’m counting on you to carry me.”

“Carry you?” you said, grateful for the change in topic. “I thought you were the unstoppable Ben Shelton. 'Big serves, big shots.’ "

“Yeah, yeah, but doubles is different,” he said with a shrug. “Doubles is all about teamwork. I’ll take your instructions. Like Federer and Mirka, except, y’know, cooler.”

You laughed. “Cooler? That’s a bold claim.”

“Why not?” he said, spreading his arms wide. “They’re classy, they’re unstoppable, and they look good doing it. That’s us, right? Total power couple energy.”

“Power couple?” you echoed, raising an eyebrow.

“On the court,” he clarified with a wink. “Don’t worry, I’ll keep it professional.”

“You’d better,” you muttered, shaking your head, though you couldn’t stop yourself from smiling.

As the call ended and the screen faded to black, you lingered in the quiet of your room, your pulse still racing in the aftermath of his teasing grin. Your fingers traced the necklace at your throat, the metal cool under your touch, but the memory it carried, the warmth of his hands, the way his eyes had softened when he fastened it, made your chest feel full and tight all at once.

You had to admit, Ben Shelton was infuriatingly good at leaving you in this liminal space, caught somewhere between wanting to roll your eyes and wanting to let yourself fall completely into whatever this was becoming.

With a sigh, you pushed yourself off the bed and rifled through your suitcase, finding his hoodie tucked neatly inside. It was a lifeline, an anchor to him when the distance felt like too much. The fabric was soft against your cheek as you hugged it to your chest, his scent faint but unmistakable, as if he were still there, filling the room with his easy laughter and ridiculous charm. It was almost maddening how easily he got under your skin, how his words lingered long after the call had ended, tangling themselves with your thoughts and leaving you guessing.

Was he just being Ben? The not-knowing was intoxicating in its own way, a thrill and torment that made your stomach flutter and your mind race long into the night until you could fall asleep, and even then, he graced your dreams with his warmth that you could never get enough of.

For Ben, the feelings weren’t any simpler. He leaned back against his hotel bed, the phone still warm in his hand, the smile he’d worn during the call refusing to fade. You always had this way of leaving him grinning like an idiot, proud of his one-liners that caught you off guard but tonight felt different. He loved catching you off guard, how you’d try to fire back some clever retort only to stammer and fall silent, just like the first time he met you. It wasn’t just funny to him; it was endearing, that quiet vulnerability you didn’t even seem to notice. And God, you were beautiful, even in that post-match haze, hair damp and face free of makeup, exhaustion softening your edges in a way that only made you look more real, more you. He wished he could've seen you in person; he could stare at you like that for hours and still turn back for a second glimpse, never getting enough.

He sighed, rolling onto his side as his fingers hovered over a photo on his camera roll, the one where you weren’t looking, too focused on a menu, brow furrowed like the decision was life or death, another one of you in his car, casually on your phone, followed by another photo and another. He couldn’t help it; his chest tightened at the memory of moments like that, the way you made the chaos of his life feel lighter. Then there were the little things: the protein bar with your teasing note that you threw in his bag during a practice one time, or the way you seemed to know exactly when to check in when you could read how he honestly was.

It scared him sometimes, how easily you crept into his thoughts, how much he wanted to be the reason you smiled the way you had tonight. And yet, even as the thought tightened in his chest, Ben smiled again, already counting down the days until he’d see you at the charity event, knowing it just couldn't come sooner.

The atmosphere at the event was electric, a blend of effortless fun and star-studded tennis. Neon lights pulsed along the edges of the court, casting playful shadows on the buzzing crowd as a DJ spun upbeat tracks that thrummed in your chest and made the ground pulse. It was far from a serious tournament, more like a party on a tennis court, where fans and players mingled, indulging in casual games and champagne-laced banter.

You smoothed down your navy skirt, the silky white bow in your hair fluttering lightly as you stepped into the tunnel, the buzz of conversation growing louder. A little blush, a sweep of mascara, and a touch of concealer made you look radiant but understated; the only jewellery you wore was the rose-gold necklace Ben had gotten you, gleaming softly against your collarbones under the venue’s lights.

“Ready to dazzle?” another player teased as she passed by, her racket slung lazily over her shoulder. You shot her a grin, zipping up your bag as you mentally prepared for the night ahead. But before you could take another step with your bag now slung over your arm, a hand wrapped gently around your wrist, tugging you back into the shadowed corner of the tunnel.

You turned quickly, your startled expression melting into a mixture of exasperation and amusement when you saw Ben. He was leaning against the wall, grinning like he’d been waiting for this exact moment.

“Subtle as always,” you teased, arching a brow, even as your chest tightened slightly at the sight of him. It had been months, and somehow, he looked the same but different, more confident, more composed, yet just as unmistakably Ben.

He tilted his head, his grin spreading slowly. “What can I say? I like to make an entrance.”

“By sneaking up on me?” you quipped, folding your arms but unable to stop the small smile tugging at your lips.

“Better than yelling, don’t you think?” He pushed off the wall, stepping closer, his presence filling the space between you. For a moment, the noise of the crowd outside felt distant, the thrum of music fading into the background.

He let his eyes roam, taking in the bow in your hair and the soft gleam of the necklace he’d picked out weeks ago. “You look…” He trailed off, his voice softer now, tinged with something he wasn’t saying. “I mean, wow.”

You felt your cheeks flush, the warmth crawling up your neck as you shifted on your feet. “Don’t start, Shelton,” you muttered, though your voice lacked any conviction.

“What? It’s a compliment.” His tone dipped, quiet but teasing, as he leaned just enough for you to catch the faint scent of his cologne. “Guess I forgot how good you clean up...y'know while still bein' all proper.”

You tried for a quick, witty comeback, but the words stumbled and caught in your throat when his eyes met yours again, warm and intent. It was like he saw through the polished image you’d carefully put together for tonight, straight to the version of you he knew best: messy hair, sweat-soaked, exhausted after a match.

“Ben...” you started, voice faltering as he smiled.

“Missed this,” he murmured, stepping even closer as he studied your face, his gaze lingering on your lips. “Missed you.”

The simplicity of it hit harder than you expected, your breath catching as he pulled you into a tight hug without hesitation. His arms wrapped around you with a sure, steady strength that made your chest ache, one hand splayed against your upper back, the other resting lightly at your waist, rubbing up and down with his thumb. Your cheek pressed into his shoulder as you let yourself lean in, your arms slipping around him.

You had to stand on your tiptoes to reach him properly, your nose brushing the soft skin of his neck. He smelled faintly of cologne and something clean, and when he bent slightly to press his face against your hair, the warmth of his breath sent a shiver down your spine.

Neither of you said anything at first; the hug lingered just long enough to toe the line between friendly and something more.

“Alright, lovebirds,” a voice called from behind, breaking the moment. You glanced over to see Tommy Paul strolling by with a smirk, holding a tennis racket slung over one shoulder. “Save it for the courts.”

You pulled back quickly, a small laugh spilling out despite yourself. Ben groaned, scrubbing a hand over his face. “Ignore him,” he muttered, his other hand still resting lightly on your waist.

You shook your head, biting back a smile as you looked up at him. “Guess I should’ve known you’d bring your fan club with you.”

Ben chuckled, his thumb brushing against your side before he let his hand drop. “They’re just jealous,” he teased. Then, his grin turned sharper, more mischievous. “Besides, you’re Mirka tonight, remember? That makes me Federer.”

You rolled your eyes, already turning back toward the tunnel’s exit. “Then let’s hope you’re half as good on the court as he is.”

His laugh followed you, rich and unbothered. “Careful, Mirka, I might just have to prove it to you out there.”

You smirked, stepping forward toward the light of the court. “Right. I'll see you out there, Federer.”

Ben chuckled low behind you, the sound carrying as he followed. “Better bring your A-game, Mirka.”

You both stepped into the event space, the pulse of music and hum of voices a vibrant backdrop. A waiter with a tray of champagne flutes passed by, and Ben grabbed two, handing you one. “For courage?” he teased, raising a brow.

“Or patience,” you countered with a cheeky smile, clinking your glass against his before taking a sip. The bubbles tickled your throat, a pleasant warmth settling in your chest.

The two of you drifted toward the edge of the court, lingering for a moment to take in the scene. Fans were scattered around, some waving excitedly as they noticed you both, others engrossed in their own games. The energy in the air was contagious.

“You nervous?” Ben asked, glancing down at you, his shoulder brushing yours as he leaned closer.

You scoffed lightly, tilting your head toward him. “Pfft, not even a little. You?”

“Only about carrying you,” he shot back with a teasing grin.

You laughed, a genuine, carefree sound that had him grinning even wider. “Big talk for someone who hasn’t even warmed up yet.”

“Oh, don’t worry,” he said, taking a sip from his glass, his eyes never leaving yours. “Trust, I’m plenty warm now.”

The look he gave you was so direct, so warm, it sent a shiver down your spine. For a second, you almost forgot where you were, his gaze holding you in place. Then, with a soft laugh, you shook your head. “Careful, Shelton. I might start to think you’re flirting with me.”

“And if I am?” he replied, the corner of his mouth twitching upward.

You didn’t answer, the sudden heat in your cheeks making you glance away. But Ben stepped closer, his voice dropping just enough to make your pulse quicken. “You’re kinda cute when you’re quiet, you know that?”

“I’m not quiet,” you retorted, though the slight stumble in your voice only made his grin deepen.

He shook his head before he got pulled into some conversation, the night stretching out with laughs. It wasn't long before it was your turn on the courts with Ben for mixed doubles with fans. The game was as lighthearted as the crowd’s energy, every point a mix of banter, champagne-fueled laughter, and effortless coordination between you and Ben. You didn’t know if it was the bubbly coursing through your veins or just the sheer ease of being around him, but the nerves that usually gripped you on a court had dissolved into something bolder, something exhilarating.

“Hey! Didn’t know you could slice like that,” Ben teased, coming up beside you after you returned a tricky serve with a clean, low shot. His grin was wide, boyish, and entirely too charming.

“Didn’t know you cared enough to notice,” you quipped back, tossing him a look over your shoulder.

His laugh was low, his eyes sparkling under the court lights. “Oh, I notice. Don’t worry about that.”

You rolled your eyes, but your smile gave you away as he moved to stand closer, his shoulder brushing yours. A fan on the opposite side sent the ball flying long, and you let out a small cheer, reaching up for a high five. His palm smacked yours, but instead of letting go, his fingers lingered, curling slightly against yours to hold your hand in his big one as he leaned down just enough for only you to hear.

“Careful now,” he murmured, his voice dipping, his thumb grazing your palm. “Don’t make me think I need to keep you around full-time.”

Your stomach flipped, and you blinked up at him, thrown off by the sudden softness in his tone. “Keep up the compliments, Shelton, and I might start thinking you’re sweet.”

“I can be sweet,” he said, his grin turning a little cocky as he finally released your hand. “But only when you’re around.”

You were saved from having to respond by the start of the next point, though your heart was far too distracted to focus properly. Ben, however, didn’t seem fazed, his energy casual and relaxed as he sent a gentle lob to the next fan on the rotation. Between rallies, he wandered back to your side of the court, resting his hand briefly on the small of your back, rubbing it softly. The touch was fleeting, but it left a trail of warmth in its wake.

As you finished another easy point, Ben jogged toward you. “So, is this your strategy? Win them over with that slice and then charm me into doing all the work?”

You laughed, spinning your racket in your hand. “Oh, puh-lease. I’m doing most of the carrying here, Ben. Admit it, you’d be lost without me.”

“Lost? Nah.” He stepped closer, his voice dropping just a fraction. “Distracted? Definitely.”

Your breath caught, the weight of his gaze lingering longer than it should have. But before you could respond, another cheer from the crowd broke the moment. He stepped back, grinning as though he hadn’t just thrown your heart into overdrive.

By the end of the set, the champagne had smoothed the edges of your usual reserve, and the energy between you both crackled with something unspoken but undeniable. When you reached for another high-five after the final point, he caught your hand and tugged gently, pulling you just a step closer this time.

“We got a nice win,” he murmured, his eyes flicking down to yours.

“Mhm, and I got a nice partner,” you replied, the words falling out before you could think better of them.

His grin softened, his hand brushing lightly against your lower back again. “Careful. I might start thinking you’re trying to charm me.”

“And if I am?” you shot back, your eyes coy and big as your newfound confidence was fueled by the buzz in your veins and the way he was looking at you as if no one else in the world mattered.

Ben’s laughter was warm and rich, a blush spreading across his cheeks that wasn't just from the game. The way his eyes stayed locked on yours said everything. “Then I’d say it’s working.”

As the event wound down, you and Ben exchanged a few last high-fives with the fans. The laughter and excitement of the crowd hung in the air, but as the noise began to settle, there was a familiar, charged silence between you two. The playful teasing, the flirty glances, it was all still there, but now it had a weight to it as if the evening had somehow shifted to a different gear.

Ben caught up to you as you started to make your way toward the exit, his smile flashing as he fell into step beside you. "So, what do you think?" he asked, voice low and teasing. "Pizza? Just us? The rest are going to a restaurant downtown, but I thought we could hang out n' catch up."

You raised an eyebrow, the suggestion making your heart skip a beat. There was something about the idea of more time with him, just the two of you, that sent a rush through your chest. “Pizza?” you repeated, the buzz from the champagne still swirling inside you, but now mixing with a touch of curiosity. “After all that, you want to drag me to some random pizza joint?”

Ben grinned, his eyes full of mischief. "It's not random. It’s a little hidden gem, just a few blocks away. Trust me, it's worth it. You won’t find better pizza around here, Ben approved.”

You glanced at him, your internal struggle between teasing him and playing it cool warring inside you. There was something in the way he said it, an undeniable charm in his voice that made you want to go. The idea of quiet, easy conversation with him, without the crowd, the friends and the noise, felt too good to pass up.

"Alright, fine," you said, rolling your eyes but giving in. "But if this place turns out to be some dive with soggy crust, I’m blaming you.”

Ben laughed, his grin widening. “Deal. You’ll love it, though. I wouldn’t steer you wrong.”

The two of you began walking down the street, and the air between you seemed to settle into something new, something more intimate. The world around you felt quieter now, each step taking you farther from the noise of the event and closer to something more personal. With every step, the liquid courage from the champagne seemed to melt away, leaving behind a fluttery, almost nervous feeling in your chest. Maybe it was the lingering heat from the flirting, or maybe it was just that you were walking with him, alone.

“So,” you asked, trying to keep it light, but your curiosity bubbled through, “how many people do you drag to these random pizza spots, Ben?”

He chuckled at that, his eyes flicking over to you for a brief moment, amused. “Honestly? Not many. You’re the first one, I think.”

You raised an eyebrow, surprised. “Really? I’m the first person you’ve brought here?”

Ben shrugged casually, his grin widening with the playfulness that was so typical of him. “I don’t usually do this kind of thing. But when I find a place this good, I kinda want to share it with someone who'd 'ppreciate it, someone who's... worth it.”

His words hung in the air, and for a split second, everything between you seemed to be still. You could feel the warmth in your chest, the closeness between you suddenly feeling charged. You fought the urge to let it show, instead meeting his gaze with a playful grin.

“Well, lucky me, huh?”

“Lucky you,” Ben echoed, and his voice softened just enough that you noticed. He turned slightly toward you, his pace matching yours, steady and relaxed.

By the time you reached the pizza place, the small talk had faded into a comfortable silence, both of you still trying to make sense of whatever was happening between you. You hadn’t crossed any line yet, but with every moment, it felt more inevitable that something was to change. As you walked inside the tiny pizzeria, the smell of fresh baked goods hit you immediately. The cozy, intimate atmosphere felt like a world away from the high-energy chaos of the event. Ben led you to the counter, and even though the tension between you was still palpable, it had shifted. It was no longer the playful, teasing kind of tension, it was something else. Something unspoken, but undeniable.

You had no idea where this was heading, but with Ben by your side, you were curious to find out.

You walk back toward the venue, the buzz of the event now a distant memory, stomachs full from the pizza that somehow tasted better than it had any right to. The tiny pizzeria, tucked away in a quiet corner, had been the perfect escape. The laughter that had flowed freely while you ate had washed away the tension and the drunken buzz that had clung to you both all night. It had been easy, lighthearted, comfortable, like nothing had changed, even though everything had.

As the two of you strolled back under the glow of the streetlights, a comfortable silence settled between you. The air was cool, a light breeze weaving through the night. The only sound was the rhythm of your shoes on the pavement. Yet, inside, you both felt the weight of what hadn’t been said.

Ben’s hands were stuffed in his pockets as he kept pace with you, his easy stride matching yours. But something had shifted in him, his smile softer, his eyes more attentive as he glanced at you. “You look really good tonight, you know that?”

You laughed lightly, rolling your eyes as you shook your head. “Ben, you keep saying that,” you teased, “What’s the deal with you tonight? You want something?”

He grinned, his eyes crinkling at the corners, genuine and unguarded. “Nah, I'm just sayin' 'cause it’s true,” he said, a slight shrug of his shoulders. “I don’t say things I don’t mean.”

Your stomach fluttered, the compliment hitting you harder than you expected. You’d heard him say things like that before, but tonight? There was something different in the way he said it. Something quieter, more sincere.

“Okay, okay,” you said with a grin, trying to mask the effect his words had on you. “I get it, I look good. Thank you.” You laughed at yourself, but Ben’s gaze never wavered from you.

Ben chuckled, his tone light but steady. “I mean it,” he repeated softly, then added, “And that necklace we got... It’s perfect for you, made for you. Looks really good on you.”

You touched the pendant on the necklace, the one he had picked out for you earlier, and it felt foreign now. Warmer, more meaningful, like it was holding a piece of the night with it. “I think you’re just saying that to flatter me,” you teased.

“I’m not,” he said seriously, his voice dropping slightly. “You really do look good. I mean you’ve always looked good, but tonight... I dunno, it’s sumn' else.”

You caught the sincerity in his words, and your heart thumped a little harder. Ben, usually the jokester, was being serious now. “Well,” you said, your voice almost breathless, “Thank you. I’ll take it.”

He smiled, a playful glint in his eyes still there, but it was softer. “Of course.”

There was a long pause as you walked side by side. The city’s lights flickered around you, the hum of the night settling into a comfortable silence. But then, something shifted. You couldn’t keep it in any longer.

“So, Ben…” you started, your voice tentative. “Are you like this with every girl you meet?”

His stride faltered for just a second, and he turned to look at you, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “What do you mean, like ‘this’?”

“Flirty,” you let out a breath at your boldness, a teasing edge in your voice. “Like making everyone feel like they’re the only one. Are you always so... charming?” You paused, gathering your courage. “You do this with every girl?”

Ben stopped walking, his hands sliding out of his pockets as he processed your words. He tilted his head, studying your face before shaking his head.

“What girl do I have around me or talk to, besides you, Emma and my mom?” His voice was calm, but there was an honesty in it that made your chest tighten. “You’re the only girl I ever talk to like this, spend time with. So no, not every girl.”

You blinked, surprised. “Wait, really?”

“Yeah, really.” He looked at you like you were asking the most obvious question. “You think I’m like this with every girl I meet? I only talk to you like this.”

That honesty hit you harder than you expected, your breath catching. You hadn’t realized how much you’d assumed about him until now. His words made your heart race.

You glanced up at him, trying to make sense of it all. But his expression said everything you needed to know.

“Yeah, duh, c'mon, Y/N” he grinned, a sincere, slightly confused smile spreading across his face. “What makes you think I’d mess around like that? It’s only you.”

You stopped walking, your mind racing as his words sank in. “Wait,” you said, a disbelieving smile spreading across your face, though your brow furrowed. “You’re telling me, you don’t talk to anyone else like this? You don’t hang out with other girls?”

Ben chuckled softly, his hands back in his pockets, but his eyes serious as he looked at you. “Nah, you’re the only one I ask to hang with. You’re the only one I text first when I’m on tour. You’re the one I call to mess around with.” He smiled like he was telling you the simplest truth in the world. “So yeah, it’s just you.”

You swallowed thickly, your heart pounding in your chest. Every word Ben had said felt like it was pulling you under, a current that you could no longer fight. You hadn’t realised how much you needed to hear him say those things until the weight of them hit you, until his words finally opened the floodgates in your chest, making your heart pound. Could it be that he valued you just as much as you did him? You let out a slow breath, the air feeling heavier now like you were standing on the edge of something monumental.

“Ben…” you whispered as you halted in your tracks, your voice unsteady but determined, a sigh escaping your lips.

It didn’t make sense. You’d always assumed Ben had people around him, always figured he was surrounded by fans or other girls, but hearing him say that you were the one, the only one, hit you in a way you hadn’t expected. You opened your mouth to try to verbalise the swirling thoughts in your head, but the words stuck, so instead, you let the silence sit between you. Then, Ben took a slow step closer, his tone shifting from casual to something more serious.

“Can I be honest with you?” His voice was lower now, the playful edge that usually made everything feel light gone.

You nodded before you could even stop yourself, feeling your heartbeat thud in your chest. There was no going back now, not with the way he looked at you.

He took a deep breath before he began, looking down the street before turning to face you.

“I like you,” he said, the words tumbling out before he could stop them. “Like, I really like you.” His gaze held yours, unwavering. “I know it’s probably not the best time to say it with everything going on, with our tours and us barely seein’ each other, but I can’t just let this hang on. I can’t just let it pass and regret not saying somethin’ later. I’m not that dumb.”

He exhaled like he was trying to shake off the weight of what he had just confessed, looking at you like he was unsure whether you would run or stay.

“You’ve got this way of, like... pullin’ me in, y’know? I don’t even know what to do with myself most of the time. I try to act like it's all cool like I’m just messin' around, but I can’t stop thinkin' about you, ever. And I never thought I’d be the kind of guy who gets wrapped up in somethin' like this. But here I am.”

You blinked, not sure if your heart was beating too fast or too slow. His confession hung in the air, heavier than anything either of you had said before. It was raw, and it made your chest tighten.

“I know we got months apart, and I know you probably think I’m crazy for sayin’ this now, but I had to say it.” He took a deep breath, his voice barely above a whisper. “It’s just... It’s just you.”

You stood still for a moment, your breath catching in your throat. The weight of his confession settled over you, his words still hanging in the air, thick with meaning. Your heart raced, and you could feel your pulse at your fingertips as you tried to process everything he had just shared. Ben took another step closer, inches away from you, his eyes never leaving yours. There was an intensity in his gaze that made everything feel surreal like you were the only two people in the world. His voice softened as he spoke again, this time with more emotion than before, his words raw and unguarded.

“You know,” he started, his drawl even more pronounced now, “ever since we first met, I wanted to be in your circle. I wanted to be around you, be close to you. But when I saw you with that necklace, and my hoodie, laughin’ and lookin’ up at me like that, God, Y/N, swear I could feel my heart meltin’ right then. I don’t even know how to explain it. It just felt like... I dunno, like everything clicked.” He paused, his breath catching as if he was just now realizing how much those little moments had meant to him.

“And when you told me about your ex, Jesus, I wanted to-” He cut himself off, a flash of anger flickering in his eyes, but he quickly controlled it. “I wanted to kill that son of a-” He stopped himself again, shaking his head as if shaking off the anger.

“Not that it matters. But what matters is that I want to show you what real love is. What real care feels like. What a real man’s like, y’know?” His voice dropped even lower, barely above a whisper. “What you deserve, and then some.”

He leaned in slightly, his hand instinctively reaching for yours, fingers brushing lightly, but lingering longer than necessary.

“Hell, if you gave me a chance, even, just, like, 20 minutes?” He let out a breath, a slight chuckle escaping his lips, but there was no humour behind it, only sincerity. “I’d give you the world, and more, in that short time. Until you told me enough. But I need you to know that... it’s real. It’s all real, Y/N. I wouldn’t say it if it wasn’t.”

You stood frozen, your mouth slightly parted, trying to catch your breath. His words hit you like a wave, each sentence making your heart race faster, your chest tightening as the weight of everything he said settled into your bones. You couldn’t speak for a second, lost in the gravity of what he had just revealed. The vulnerability, the truth in his eyes, the way his words laid bare a side of him you hadn’t seen before, it was all too much, and yet everything you hadn’t realized you wanted.

A sigh escaped your lips as the words came tumbling out of you.

“You have no idea what you do to me.” You shook your head, a soft laugh escaping you, but it was one of relief, one of release. “You drive me insane, Ben. Every time you’re around, every time you look at me like that, like I’m the only one in the room, it makes me feel things I’m not sure I know how to handle. I can’t even explain it to myself, let alone to you. It’s like I’m constantly trying to push it down, but every time you smile, or, God, when you do that thing with your eyes when you look at me like you’re the only one who really sees me…” You trailed off, the words too big to say all at once. You exhaled, shaking your head, but the relief was already washing over you. “I’ve never felt like this before. Not even close.”

Ben was quiet for a moment, his gaze softening as he listened. You could see the understanding in his eyes, the way he was holding back, yet completely tuned in to every word. It was different now. You felt his grip on your fingers tighten just slightly as if grounding both of you at this moment, a silent assurance that you weren’t alone in this confession.

“Y/N,” he said, his voice low and gentle. “You don’t have to hold back with me.” He stepped closer, his other hand lifting to gently cradle your face, his thumb brushing against your cheek in a slow, deliberate motion that made your breath hitch. “I’ve felt it too. All of it. Every damn time I’m with you, I can’t stop thinkin’ about how much I want this. Want you.”

Before you could respond, before you could even process the depth of his words, Ben pulled you in, unable to hold back anymore. His lips found yours with a sudden, overwhelming intensity that took the air from your lungs. His kiss was deep, full of everything that had been unspoken between you two for so long, full of everything you needed and more. His hand at the back of your neck held you steady as his other arm wrapped around you, pulling you flush against him, the warmth of his body sending a wave of heat through you.

The late night wrapped around you like a blanket, the streetlights casting soft pools of light across the footpath, but it was the brick wall behind you that grounded you. Your back pressed against it, your hands instinctively finding his shirt, tugging him closer as if you couldn’t get enough. You felt his heartbeat against yours, steady and strong, in sync with the way your pulse quickened in response to him. Ben’s lips moved against yours with a kind of desperate gentleness, his kiss unhurried but passionate and purposeful, as if he was trying to pour everything he hadn’t said into this single moment. The world felt far away, all that existed was him and you, the weight of his confession still settling in the space between you, the understanding, the desire.

When he finally pulled back, it was only enough for your lips to part, breaths mingling between you, your chest rising and falling as if you had just run a marathon. His forehead rested against yours, and his hands slid from your face to the small of your back, holding you steady as you both tried to catch your breath.

You were still tangled up in the magic of his kiss, in the rawness of this moment, where everything finally made sense. The world seemed to slow down as you both stood there, foreheads pressed together. The air between you was thick with something unspoken, your breaths were still heavy, your heart racing, but there was also a quiet sense of relief as if you’d both been holding your breath for the longest time.

Ben leaned in slightly, his smile playful yet soft, his gaze locking with yours as the quiet of the night settled around you. "You know," he said, his voice low and teasing, "for the first time, you’ve got me completely speechless."

You couldn’t help but giggle at the silliness of it all, the way he always knew just how to make you laugh, how to make everything feel lighter. The sound of your laugh made his gummy smile widen, and before he could say anything else, you pressed a soft kiss to his lips, your heart racing in a way that had nothing to do with the night or the streetlights around you. It was just him.

Everything felt right at that moment, the electricity in the air, the warmth of his touch, and the way he made you feel like you were the only person in the world. Maybe you and Ben didn't make much sense together to everyone else, but to the two of you, it was clear as day.

[boneyspades]

Making Albums for the sides Part 1:

ok so i said in the past that I wanted to do like album long playlists for the sides so... I guess this is the start of that. Yippee!

so I have this little system to decide what goes into each playlist and that system is three categories as to how they correlate with the side:

1: the song is something I think they'd listen to/something that I think is from their favourite genre of music

2: The songs meaning which correlates with the side in some way

3: The vibes that the song gives

so some I will kinda have a deep explanation for whilst others r just simply "hehe they like this song hehe"

anyways let's get into it

keep in mind I accidentally went passed the usual album length for this one (usually 8-15 songs) but there was so many good songs to put

Remus's Album

🐙The Kind of Mind you'd only find in hell💚

⚠️ This playlist has songs that are really like... loud... as in like harsh sounding loud that could be uncomfortable to listen to with high volume. make sure U listen with a volume that's loud enough to hear, not loud enough to burst Ur eardrums. (also I'm rating this playlist PG 13 cus there's alot of uh.... interesting choices)⚠️

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1LPkMWHDWeJbp7MEztZpSI?si=K3TsnvGFQ0Op1voVpjGiUQ&pi=IlJ3-_gFR5aWS

↓Analysis type stuff↓

Preview:

Contents:

Forbidden Fruit (The Duke's theme song) -Thomas Sanders

I mean it's very much HIS theme song. like... I don't think I need to explain why it's on here, a nice way to start his album tbh

Staple Tapeworms on My Penis- PASSENGER OF SHIT

Ok everyone lower your volumes for THIS SONG SPECIFICALLY LIKE EVEN I HAVE TROUBLE LISTENING TO IT CUS IT JUST HURTS MY EARS. that being said, I think this song is literally the most Remus song I've ever heard. The harsh sound of it all, the screaming, the lyrics, the fact that its just sounds so disorganised that it just catches you off guard sometimes, THIS SONG IS JUST LITERALLY HIM. this is something he'd blast in the car on field trips. he would ANNOY EVERY SINGLE SIDE AND THOMAS with this song. THEY HATE IT.

Cacao and Cocaine - SOFIA ISELLA

so I said in a previous post how this song is like a really good song for intrulogical, but I felt like this was more of a Remus song than a Logan song. Its about a study where they had locked people in rooms to see how long they could be bored for, with the option to experience electrical shocks if they so choose. I'm pretty sure alot of them did choose the shocks because the boredom was getting too much. this is y I chose this song for the playlist, not only does the lyrics and the song itself feel really intrusive and unsettling, but the study itself feels as if intrusive thoughts were clouding the people's heads. and guess whose literally the embodiment of intrusive thoughts? REMUS. FUCKING. SANDERS. also it does give some vibe of Remus in a sense that he's trying to make Thomas give into his intrusive thoughts to let Remus take control of him.

Guess - Charlie xcx ft Billie Eilish

I think I speak for everyone in the fandom when I say that Remus is a certified BRAT!!!! he listens to the brat album all the time. not to mention he's just a certified slut too/lh. I think this would be one of his favourite songs on the brat album (I could be wrong I haven't listened to the whole album yet don't cancel me please/J) plus I feel like he'd just make jokes about it too like "You wanna guess the colour of my underwear, you wanna know what I got going on down there. is it stained with shit or drenched in piss, blah blah blah blah-" idk

In My Mouth - Black Dresses

Now this one is more about the vibe of the song. idk the songs meaning I forgot to look it up but it gives the vibe of if Remus were to fall in love with someone in an unhealthy amount. like I love soft Remus ships as much as the next guy, genuinely, but also, we've also seen Remus is rather uh.... crazy... to say the least. he'd be the type to do DRASTIC things for love. like some of the lyrics here: "I want you to destroy me so I feel better", "I wanna put you in my mouth, I wanna crush you with my jaws" (now this could be a metaphor but I think he'd like... do it literally), "I wanna fuck our bodies into broken shells I wanna go to hell forever" just- idk, again, it just sounds very intrusive to me

Custer - Slipknot

YOU CAN NOT TELL ME THIS LITTLE TRASH FUCK DOES NOT LISTEN TO METAL. I have a head cannon that he and Virgil used to be like MAJOR besties (before AA) and they'd listen to metal with eachother and even do karaoke nights where they'd just scream metal lyrics and annoy the fuck out of Janus. that's... that's kinda it for this one I just think he'd be a metal head-

I'm Yer Dad - GRLwood

again this one is more like i feel he'd listen to this one, so I don't really have much explanation, besides the fact I feel like he'd just yell out the "and I got a really big dick" part just cus it's funny

Cherry bomb - The Runaways

AGAIN! another song I'd feel like he'd listen to. and I guess the vibe of this song as well. it feels really rebellious, which I think we can all agree Remus is exactly that. I feel like this song is a "LOOK OUT BITCHES IM GONNA DO WHAT I WANT AND IDC WHAT YOU THINK" type of vibe, and Remus literally just... does what he wants despite Thomas's and the other side's discomfort

Touch me I'm sick - Mudhoney

AGAINNNNNNNNNN another song I think he'd like. I just looked up the meaning of the song in the time I'm writing this just so I can talk about this song a little bit more cus I actually really love this song and honestly I didn't really see much, except something about the lyrics. Apparently, it's kinda like a dark humour sarcastic take on issues such as disease and violent woohooing, and Remus is a huge fan of dark humour... as we've all seen-... so yeah, I think this song is definitely a Remus vibe.. (unless it isn't, I found it on wiki so idk if it's really all that true)

Living Dead Girl - Rob Zombie

REMUS LOVES METAL. HE LISTENS TO THIS SONG IM SURE OF IT... that's my whole argument.

Brutus - The Buttress

I LOVE THIS SONG GUYS OMGGGGG. I'm actually pretty happy to talk about this one because not only do I think Remus would love it too, but the lyrics, the vibe, the EVERYTHING. IT'S GIVING RAGE! ITS GIVING ENVY! ITS GIVING "RAAAAH IM GOING TO JEFF THE KILLS YOU"!!! ok FR tho, let's talk about the lyrics first. from listening to it without looking up its meaning, it's got alot of mentions of envy and hate for someone. and now hear me out let me cook. I have a theory, a game theory even/ref, that Remus has some jealousy over Roman because Roman has been kinda deemed as THE creativity by Thomas for a while. I feel because Thomas sees Roman as his Creativity, his hero, his perfect golden side, and he sees Remus as this evil being that should be disregarded, I feel like Remus would eventually try to get rid of Roman so that Thomas would have no choice but to listen to him for creative input: "I've been watching him for my entire life, I hate the air he breathes, his foolish decrees his words so contrived and I hate the way the town's people gather outside. They hang on every breath, Cling to his chest, Home to his heart full of pride". THIS SET OF LYRICS ALONE JUST GIVES THAT VIBE, DOES IT NOT; The townspeople being the sides and Thomas, ROMAN IS LITERALLY THOMAS'S PRIDE?!? CMON PPL!!! UGH I WANNA TALK ABOUT IT MORE BUT IVE ALREADY TALKED ENOUGH BUT THIS WHOLE SONG IS JUST GIVING RAGE/ENVY FILLED REMUS AND I LIVE FOR IT!!! also it's also so fucking good cus the orange side is most likely going to be rage, and I feel like if Orange and Remus were to combine their powers they'd would MOST LIKELY be THE MOST powerful sides.

Missus Piano - Rio Romeo

I think this is more of a "I think the artist give the Remus vibes here" more than the song but just hear me out. I love Rio Romeo!!! their songs have this artistic messiness to it I just love, but like not in a non structured, not mixed, no effort type of way, ykwim? its kinda hard to explain it but it's kinda like a soothing uncanniness? idk. but this song specifically. I LOVE IT OMG I REPEAT IT SO MANY TIMES. so this song is about a man in love with his piano. despite it being worn and out of tune, he cherishes it like it worth all the jewels in the world. It just reminds me of Remus alot. I feel like he sees the beauty in the unloved in a way. examples? MR FUZZY?!? BRO MADE THAT THING OUT OF THE DRAIN OF HIS SHOWER AND HE WAS LIKE "this is my baby and I entrust it to you, virgil :)" and got fucking cryptic when he noticed virgil dropped it in disgust. HE NAMED HIS SHOWER DRAIN JOANNE FABRIC CUS HE THOUGHT IT WAS CUTE. HE LOVES THE UNSETTLING. and I feel this when I listen to this song. alot of people when they hear an out of tune piano may think "oh that sounds creepy" or "oh that sounds awful" but Remus (just like the protag of the song) would be like "wow that sounds so nice :)" in which I kinda agree... depending. out of tune pianos can sound creepy but it kinda gives a sense of nostalgia to me for some reason

Piggy Pie - Insane Clown Posse

REMUS IS A JUGGALO. ITS CANNON. RESOURCE? I MADE IT THE FUCK UP! BUT LIKE CMON!!! INSANE CLOWN POSSE IS SUCH A REMUS BAND!! band? duo? artists? idk what to call them, but really I think he'd just listen to alot of insane clown posse, plus he'd be the type to go and just end conservative lives

To Catch a Predator - Insane Clown Posse

yes. another insane clown posse song. I was telling myself "ok let's not have alot of the same artist in one playlist" but uh.... there's three total ICP songs in this one.... so uh... hope you guys like rapping clowns! anyways, basically the same as Piggy pie, in the sense that I think he'd like this song, but also I feel like the chorus itself is a very Remus lyric: "I'm probably gonna burn for this, there's no lesson to learn from this, there's nothing imma earn but it sure is fun". I feel like this is Remus's mindset whenever he chooses to mess with Thomas with his intrusive thoughts. like it could put Thomas is such high amount of danger and he'd be like "oop I might die from this but this is so fun hehe:)" like ykwim?

My Axe - Insane Clown Posse

ok guys stop throwing your tomato's please. I get it. three ICP songs I know you're probably sick of it. but this song is again, a song Remus would listen to AND relate to. The axe in this song could be like his Mace/morning star/whatever and I feel like he'd have a deep connection with it to some extent, I mean, he's probably killed so many ppl with it, why wouldn't he?

Unpunishable - Ethel Cain

Ok I'm really excited to talk about this one. so originally I wasn't gonna put this song here but I looked up the meaning of the song. Its about embracing your desires despite the social pressure to conform. now on the surface it seems alot more like a Janus song but think of it this way. "Desires that are forbidden" Remus is he embodiment of forbidden creativity. in DWIT, virgil and Patton really thought that the reason the Remus was apart of Thomas was because that Thomas REALLY had the desire to do the things he was thinking about all thanks to Catholic guilt. also I kinda found this song from an animatic which was literally about Remus i forgot their user tho IM SORRY 😭😭😭 but yeah, it also gives vibes of the end of WTIT where he was pushing Logan to snap at him, trying to make Logan give in to his forbidden thought of "I shouldn't feel anything." type thing yk?

Two Trucks - Lemon Demon

Remus LOVES this song. this is another song he'd blast during car trips, but he'd be like "BOOOOOOO BORIIING" at the two trucks holding hands part, Patton loves it tho... well... until it goes back into the trucks fucking-

Killing in the name - Rage against the Machine

Another song I think Remus would love. it's mostly just I think he likes metal. is this song metal? idk. but anyways. I think this also has the rebellious vibe to it to that Remus has. like the "fuck you I won't do what you tell me" lyric is what I think Remus's mindset is, he does NOT want to listen to anyone. he just wants to be a dick

Girl Anachronism - The Dresden Dolls

I love this song so much dawg. its just has a really Unhinged vibe to it that just sounds like someone's losing their mind. AND I feel like it kinda captures the frustration Remus has of not being listened to. "Don't call the actors they've seen it all before, they'll say just let her crash and burn. she'll learn, the attention just encourages her" like in DWIT Remus is trying HIS VERY BEST to get Thomas's attention, and Logan saying the best way to deal with Remus is just basically ignore him, like I'd be pretty mad too. I just looked up the meaning of the song and basically it's about a girl whose described as "the world's worst accident" and yk... being labelled the BAD one out of the twins, it kinda fits, don't you think?

Wet - Dazey and the Scouts

GUYYYYYSSSSSSSSS SHUT UP THIS IS MY JAM!!!! I'M IN LOVE WITH THIS SONG CHAT YOU CANNOT FATHOM. ok anyways, this song just gives Remus to me, I'm not sure why. I guess I feel like he'd listen to it, or this might be his sad boy anthem, cus realistically it is quite a sad song. but just idk, it's giving Remus to me for some reason

Ready to Die - Andrew W.K.

we all know where this song is from, chat. we all know it. Ok, so. I feel like Remus would really like this song, not only is it because it's about killing and stuff, but he watched THAT ONE MLP VIDEO and thought "yk what. Roman likes MLP, I think it'd be very funny if I showed him this" spoiler alert, it wasn't. he would also try to ask Patton to make cupcakes with him but Roman would have to be like "NO DO NOT BAKE CUPCAKES WITH REMUS, PATTON." JUST because of that vid. he's afraid. I am too.

HURT - 1 800 PAIN

ok guys U might wanna turn Ur volume down for this song too, it's not as bad as the staple tapeworms on my penis song but it's still a rather harsh sounding song. ok so, I feel like this is just a song that Remus would really enjoy. like he the type of mf to listen to music that just sounds like.... sounds. like really loud irritating sounds. like I like this song too but it's just so NOISEY iykwim

Not My Type: Dead as Fuck 2 - Motionless In White

Ok last song. I. LOVE. THIS. SONG. I don't really have anything really that good to say as to y I put it in this playlist except i feel like Remus and Virgil would really like it. before Accepting Anxiety, I feel like they'd have like matching bios that was just this song? like Virgils would be "Tried out the living but I don't believe the hype" and then Remus's would be "cus if (s)he's got a pulse then (s)he's not my type". also "(s)he loves me cus I give head like a zombie" is something Remus would DEFINITELY say.

should I do more? what side should I do next?

[ch1-kasak0]

NO PLEASE I LOVE READING CUPHEAD HCS PLEASE PLEASE I HAVE SOME BRO SHARING IS CARING NEOW BROO PLEASEEEE😭

OH GOD I'M SCARED OKAT I'LL JUST LIST OFF THE ONES AT HBE TOP OF MY HEAD

•his conscience is based kinda like a boat tower thing where there's this big ass building that has a light that changes colour based on his emotions and when he goes into a black out it shines red really bright and there's like black and yellow accents

•most of the beings in his conscience/conscious idk are different vers of him and there's one of him that's a whole ass wendigo

•really likes cats, cats r his fave animal omg

• will wood, MSI and maybe mitski coded idk

•cuddle bug, if he falls asleep in yo arms you r NOT moving🙏

•lowkey bi, screw the wiki he's def kissed some men

•can cook, but can only cook what kettle has taught him, couldn't make a simple fried egg but could cook a while 5* steak and mash no problem and could make the best cakes ever (credits to baroness von bon bon she def taught him💪)

•has probably been fed human before by blackhat and flug

•used to be besties w dementia

•mamas boy🙏

•is the one out of him and mugs that can actually save money somehow even though he's the one who has a gambling addiction

•remember the fight w him and bendy where bends bit his arm? Yeah, that arm is completely numb, occasionally nibbles on it like a stress toy

•would cry if someone gave him a cat on his birthday, especially if it was old asf or disabled in some way, would care for it like his own child

•no idea what happened between him and meg but would also cry if he had to face her again (she would humiliate his ass like the queen she is🎀)

•has had the most questionable convos w Jeremy Fairfax ever

•lowkey would be a small spoon when he's sad

•has really nice nails and actually natural eyeliner, like he looks like he's wearing eyeliner but he isn't he just built that way

•man boobs, had a breast reduction during his heart surgery non-consentually😭

•walks like a model (natural catwalk or whatever but not as dramatic)

•i honestly feel like demitasse wouldn't accept him as her son because of his demon blood :(

•one of his eyes has a yellow spot near his pupil and the other has a pink spot near the edge of his iris (I'm not sure if it's heterochromia or central heterochromia)

•cried so hard he had a panic attack when he woke up after nearly dying during the experiment when he was like 13 and mugs was scared for him :((((

•his pupils expand like a cat when he sees someone he loves or when he eats sugary stuff (cat coded💪💪)

•his nails r claw like, meow ig

•goes limp when ppl touch his hair, like that shit hits different he will melt that's why he hates it when ppl touch his hair

•knows like one dance meg taught him, and just so happens he only knows the woman's role so it's basically useless to him

•Quadratus once told him to look at the stars to guide him (when he had just lost to the devil and was about to leave inkwell isles) and if the stars failed him to turn to the oceans waters and call to quadratus for help (I like to think quadratus can just spawn in any water source but only if u use a certain rune that cup knows)

•lowkey really likes learning about cannibalism and crazy shit like that

•along with wood lillies, some of his fave flowers r black dahlias, roses, lily of the valley, spider lilies, and others🙏🙏

Let me know is there is anymore type of headacmons u wanna know about I have angst, NSFW and probably a lot more idk🙏🙏 holy shit I need to learn how to spell and type slowly😭

[talon-dragonbeast]

do u kno if there’s a way to like induce mental and phantom shifts? so they happen more often? :o n how to tell what counts as a shift

i dont really know about mental shifts bc theyre mostly involuntary for me, but ill tell you my process for phantom shifts! i imagine it should be similar for inducing m-shifts, but i never tried so idk

so, imagine the desired limb in your mind. lets say you want to feel your wings (or whatever limb you prefer) on your back, so start by defining how they look. their shape, colour, size, even weight. are they feathered? more batlike, perhaps? are they heavy, or very light? where are they inserted, in your shoulder blades, on your lower back? are they open and relaxed, or closed tightly against your back?

you should now have the picture of the desired limb and its position in your body clear on your mind. congratulations! youve successfully induced an envisage shift. lets continue.

now imagine the limb interacting with your surroundings: if its windy picture the feathers moving with the breeze, if its sunny imagine the heat on your skin... concentrate on how the phantom limbs would feel if they were physically there, from their insertion on your body to the tips. try to control them a bit, imagine the wings opening and closing and imagine how the movement would feel on your muscles. if you cant at first, thats alright. to help your brain picture the movement, try to move the muscles surrounding the limb as if it was physically there. like, for wings, i contract and relax my back muscles every time i open and close them. you might feel them very faintly at first (or even not at all), but as you get used to it they should get stronger. the key is, of course, practice and consistency. it doesnt have to be a big thing at all! just a little bit every day.

another thing that helps me experience phantom shifts is drawing. art is a great way to express your nonhumanity, as it can help you picture how you would look like with your preferred body. if you dont feel comfortable drawing or you feel like you arent good at it (extremely valid btw), you can try creative writing! what i do is create winged ocs and write short stories with them. if you have ocs or even fictional characters you like, give them animal parts! (we love hybrid aus in this house)

finally, how to know if youre experiencing a shift (phantom or otherwise)? well, it depends. ph-shifts are the most noticeable ones of course, while mental shifts tend to be subtler. try to note down every time you think youre experiencing a shift: what youre feeling and why, what caused it, the level of intensity, etc. eventually you should start noticing some similarities and youll be able to identify a shift right away. (of course, this is not hard science: sometimes the shifts are so subtle you wont even notice when youre having one!). just have patience, and everything will fall into place eventually. you have all the time in the world :}

i hope this helps you! thanks for the ask, feel free to leave more messages whenever you want ^-^

[vibbycore]

idk man telling an alter they have to COMPLETELY let go of part of their identity just because it doesn't match the body they're in now and just expecting them to be okay with that is kinda fucking weird.

so is expecting alters with names from different cultures to be okay with just. changing their name just like that.

like as a poc/mixed headmate in a white (passing?) body- yes I fucking know the body I am in is white. me existing as a poc in headspace/the innerworld doesn't make the body I inhabit ALSO suddenly a poc. y'all need to learn to seperate plural innerworlds from the physical shared reality. they're SEPARATE THINGS, BRO. 😭 I am BEGGING y'all.

also this post isn't talking about closed cultures 😁 I am not educated enough to touch that subject specifically. (however what I do know is that japanese culture afaict, isn't actually a closed culture and SOME OF Y'ALL need to stop lying that is bcuz WHAT. like bro istg "u can't have a japanese name if ur not japanese" is a phrase I've only ever heard non japanese people say 💀)

anyway.

am I a headmate of colour? yeah.

is the body I'm inhabiting (WHICH I DO NOT IDENTIFY WITH) white (passing)? yeah.

do I think my experiences are the same as those who r bodily poc? NO

am I trying to "infiltrate poc spaces" ? NO

mf I just wanna exist. also begging y'all who complain about alters using the term parethnic to describe themselves TO ACTUALLY FUCKING READ. "it's just white ppl who wanna be oppressed (for their race)!!!" no. it's. not PLEASE ACTUALLY READ THE CARRD 🙏🙏

it was LITERALLY made for headmates who have an ethnicity that's different from the body/vessel they inhabit who wanted a term to basically say "hey, I'm this in headspace but I acknowledge the body is something else and I do not claim to be this outside of the context of my system's innerworld (and source if applicable) also it doesn't just apply to poc headmates in white bodies y'all know that... right? 😭 it could be a white alter in a poc body. a poc alter in a different poc body. a white alter in a different white body.. etc etc.

like tell me again how that is just white ppl wanting to be oppressed (for their race) 🤨

OH AND BTW ONE LAST NOTE.

I do NOT nor will I EVER support transrace/rcta. that's a completely different fucking ballpark from what this post is discussing so!! don't even!

quick edit ; perhaps I'm just paranoid but I fear the blurb abt japanese culture not being closed may give the false impression that I specifically (as an alter) am japanese- I am not. I wanna make that clear. I'd rather not share what I am in this post here but like. idk if you're curious enough you can ask thru my ask box or smth ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[minhosblr]

hello! i hope ur day is going well! im not really sure how to word this but ur one of my favorite gifmakers on this site!! and i was wondering if u have any tutorial or would be willing to tell how!! do u make ur gifs so sharp! along w being so smooth and gorgeous im foremost always just stumped at how beautifully sharp ur gifs r!! not to mention the coloring!! regardless of if u get to answer any part of ur process or not, i just wanted to tell you ur gifs r very very beautiful. im always so awed and admiring wnv i see them! so warm and prettily colored yet so sharp!! apologies for gushing here, pls have a good day!!!

AHHH THIS MAKES ME SO HAPPY, ANON! It always makes me so happy, when I get any kind of compliments on my gifs, so this really really really warms my heart!! ♥

I did a gif tutorial like 1,5 years ago which you can find here! My sharpening has changed slightly from back then, so I'll just tell you what I do now.

Much more detail under the cut (this got way longer and detailed than I had expected)!

This is a walk through of my sharpening/effect process, so if you want any tricks about colouring or anything let me know!

The first important step to sharp gifs is the video quality! The higher the video quality is, the prettier and sharper your gifs will be. TS files are the highest quality (most of the time, sometimes they kind of scam you ngl) files you can get. Else 4k videos are great too! For me I usually don't go under 1080p (with few 720p exceptions). Sometimes I don't really like TS files, because they're a bit too sharp for me. This is mostly if it's a variety show. Concerts tend to be not as sharp in my experience.

I use vapoursynth to resize my gifs before putting them in photoshop. I usually don't do any sharpening or denoise in vapoursynth. This site has everything you need for vapoursynth!

For sharpening and stuff in photoshop, I usually do camera raw + topaz denoise + sharpening + 1% blur at 30% oppacity.

A bonus tip is, if you've done everything and tried soooo hard to make it non-grainy, but you just can't get it to do whatever you want it to... embrace the grain and add a noise layer! I do this with big gifs (540x540) usually.

To go more in depth, my settings for those are as following...

Camera raw

Texture (tekstur) I usually go between 20 and 30, depending on the thing I'm giffing. For Clarity (klarhed) I do the same number as texture, but minus 10. Idk why, it's just how I usually roll!

For Topaz denoise I usually only use a little bit. Like 0.04-0.06 overall strength. I don't really have any "this is what I always do" settings, but usually my shadow is at 0.90 and my highlight is 0.48 (because I liked it one time and then just kept it). You can also use the denoise option in vapoursynth, I just prefer photoshop, because it feels like I have more control over it. I know a lot of people don't use denoise at all, but I usually do with files less than 4k quality!

OBS! Using topaz denoise on smart objects in photoshop is a bit tricky, but I made a video about it once, so here you go! (the video is kind of outdated for me, so ignore the sharpening part and focus on the "how to do after you've put denoise on your gif" part. Also ignore my voice, thank you).

Sharpening:

These are my settings for sharpening. If I think the gif is a bit too sharp after I've added a blur filter, I change the amount (mængde, sorry my ps is in Danish) to 80% and that usually does the trick!

If you use all of these, this is how the smart object will look, before you convert it into frames

Let me know if you have any other questions or anything at all!! ♥

[n0tmykays]

idk

U ever get where u like miss the things that were popular when u were younger, like yk gravity falls, ik its getting popular again but i remeber when i first watched it and looking up every little thing abt it.

Or when gacha life was rlly big, like yk glmm and glmv. Like i want that era back but i have to accept that i cant js make it appear out of nowhere and that that sucks but its life sadly.

It makes me miserable that ill never have that back but atleast i got to experience it yk. Creepypasta, gacha, animation memes, fnaf, sally face, fran bow, little miss fortune, gravity falls (the colours animatic actually changed my brain chemistry), ffs even dsmp, mcyts, anime, all of it. Sure it was cringey but it was fun and im glad i got to experience that at a point in my life. Ill always feel sick when i think abt it tho. Its js knowing ill never have any of it back.

Im scared to be cringey now, secondary school has actually ripped any sense of confidence out of me, i used to be loud and proud abt the things i liked and now ill never tell anyone except ppl im close with abt how i love theories abt all these shows and games. Everyone thinks everything is cringey but maybe its js ppl having fun, did no one think of that?

Genuinely i could write an entire essay on nostalgia of my own childhood, it was enjoyable and made me into who i am today. I dont want what others think of me to change that. Bc of the fear of being judged i wont start things i enjoy, like streaming, its purely bc im scared ppl in my school will find it. But most youtubers and streamers started at my age, so why should i let that stop me. It didnt stop them. Ill be happier, im seen as a weirdo as it is so why not purely embrace it. You live everyday but u die once.

[lovebvni]

hey!! shiv here!! you’re so spot on it’s scary really!! i feel like you tapped into my brain for the reading. Let’s break this down!!

1. just be is my motto. When everything fails, i just fall back to this. Nothing to get, nothing to do. Just be. Never fails me. So i’m happy to know i’m on the right path🥹

2. i want my void to be pink in colour🤭 and i have been feeling really good while doing pysch-k?? helps me accept the fact entirely that i’ll enter/wake up in the void.

3. I keep myself entertained lol!!! before i attempt to tap in the void i listen to a bunch of songs to feel light and brush off the nerves and thoughts! sometimes i even like to imagine myself safe cuddled up in bed lol (can u tell i’m deprived of physical touch lol)

4. I’m really shocked how you could see the childhood aspect too cause my earliest memory of my life is my parents fighting and my mom being really upset and i remember the helpless feeling lingering on (cause she’d just look at me and cry when i’d ask her what’s wrong) when i enter the void, i’m not saying i want the perfect parents but just parents that are sort of easy to be around. I really am not my actual self around them. I’m always holding my breath around them. I have accepted the fact that i’m not gonna be one of those kids that have a close and emotionally safe connection w their parents. It’s okay. I just don’t want to feel the need like i’m constantly walking on eggshells around them and my mom to be more independent. These are the tweaks i think you were referring to? i wasn’t thinking about this aspect a lot but i guess during the day, i still have this thought at the back of my mind and maybe that’s why you picked it up?

ALSO TRIGGER WARNING: SA!!

idk if it was this but i was assaulted as a child by one of the family members and i was in two minds if i should revise it! i was bitter for soooo long. Hated men, i even stopped listening to male artists for a while. (it’s so weird but the aftermath of what happened to me as a child is showing up now as an adult) but i am done w all of that. I have made my peace with it and as much as i hate how cliche this is gonna sound but the kind of person i have turned out to be, i wouldn’t want to change it just to be “perfect” so i won’t be revising it. I’m sorry if this upset you or anyone.

I hope i can enter the void soon and share my success story with you (please send good energy my way lol, it’s just the thought that counts really🤭🫶🏼)

Big big love to anyone and everyone reading this and going through just about anything in life. If it’s great then i only hope it’s greater for you and if it’s going absolutely shite then i hope it gets less shittier by the second.

and lastly, i think you are really really good! i would love to support your work (when i can afford it) for real! i have never had such a crazy accurate reading before. So thank you🥹 Hope you’re doing good!!!

hii shiv!!! i’m soooo happy ur reading was accurate n resonated a lot!!

when i first typed the word ‘void’ i saw it as a purple colour, vende why it’s purple in ur reading, then as i went on, the more i thought, he more pink it became. i’m pretty sure i got a visual of it too — it’s so pretty <3 like seriously, if u see me in ur void, im just looking!!!

and with ur sa, there may be something you’re still holding onto with that, or some cleansing that should to be done in ur sacral chakra. as someone who went through something similar, literally js imagining good sexual experiences with someone u love helps…. like a lot 😭😭

and i’m always sending positive energy to everyone i get readings too!! i trust n believe u will enter the void soon and it’s gonna be HELLA fun for u <3 i love u sm!!! have fun!! <3

[mlm-blues]

for the mlm ask game: all of them. every single one

- @ollie-ollieoxenfree

ollie you absolute legend 🙏🏽 ty for this

do you enjoy playing with boys hair? 🐛

DUH boys' hair was made to be played with <3

2. whats your favourite eye colour? 🍑

brown bc. puppy dog eyes <3

3. whats a cute quirk that your crush/boyfriend has? 🥐

i dont have a crush or a bf (sick and twisted) </3

4. have you come out as mlm? if so, when? 🌸

uh yeah i guess? i mean ive always liked guys and then i came out as trans and then it was liking guys in a Gay way 👍🏽

5. do you prefer to have boys lie on your chest, shoulder or lap? 🌾

shoulderrr<3 or maybe my lap idk people dont lie on my lap that often :(

6. what music genre reminds you of boys?

what. i. i dont know. whatever sunset rollercoaster have got going on

7. do you prefer to play with tidy or messy hair? 🥟

i dont think it makes a difference tbh. hair is hair just let me play w it :)

8. are you gay or bi? 🏁

gay

9. who is your favourite mlm musician? 🥮

HMM LET ME THINK /s mika. next question

10. are you more sporty or arty, and do you prefer sporty or arty boys? 🍰

im a little bit of both tbh ive always been into sports and have done sports since i was younger but ive also done music since i was young so. both. and i dont have a preference, both are amazing<3

11. eboys or soft boys? 🥀

like. both? idk

12. what scent reminds you of boys? 🍄

citrus-y things :)

13. have you ever gotten a crush on one of your friends? 🍯

brother i do not get crushes (i dont think). i tried to convince myself i had a crush on one of my friends a couple years ago and like. yeah i had Zero feelings for that guy lmaoo

14. how long have you know you were mlm? ✨

i have always liked guys so. since i realised i was trans?

15. expose who you have a tumblr crush on 😳

no one . yet

16. talk about the guy that made you realise you like boys 🧩

uhh i dont think he made me realise i like boys but he was the first kind of. mlm experience i had. it was likeee 4 years ago now n it was an online thing... we just became very close friends and thennn didnt talk for 6 months. then he confessed that he had a crush on me and i panicked and left him on read for. a whole fucking month and that was the end of it :) im soooo good at this stuff can u tell

17. do you tend to like masculine, feminine or androgynous boys more? 🐚

any is good <3 i think maybe masc boys a little more but thats probably to do with the whole trans thing i got going on and myself wanting to look more masc etc etc. all is good <3

19. what makes you feel rejected from the mlm/lgbt community sometimes? 🌻

not being white lol. there is so much mlm Stuff that is just. white boys. and it's like. i dont rlly see myself here At All 👍🏽

20. who is your favourite fictional mlm? 🍃

speaking of white mlms. david rose <3 sc has been my special interest for yearsss and most of my mannerisms n stuff i have Stolen from david (i love how expressive he is with his hands and how he talks etc) and he's so funny <3

[transfemlogan]

Instagram Feb 2023. More of my sides stuff from IG that I 4got 2 post :P

I have no spoons to copy everything word for word so I will just simplify it all.

Colour schemes:

I didnt originally plan to make them colours of the rainbow like how the Sanders Sides +c!Thomas are, that was a very recent idea.

I am orange, Maddox/Impulse is red, Memphis/Egotism is pink, Melvin/Compassion is green, Medusa/Creativity is cyan & I recently made Mercury/Paranoia yellow. Maven/Fatigue is probably going to be purple & I don't have another side to make indigo.

[Non-coloured text: I am orange, Maddox/Impulse is red, Memphis/Egotism is pink, Melvin/Compassion is green, Medusa/Creativity is cyan & I recently made Mercury/Paranoia yellow. Maven/Fatigue is probably going to be purple & I don't have another side to make indigo.]

Symbols/logos:

My sides' logos r all over the place, instead of being on their chest like (most of) the Sanders Sides :P

Melvin's logo is two hands interlocked & it's a patch on his battle jacket. Its place on his heart.

Madds' logo is like the boom emoji (💥) or explosion. It is placed on the sides of its big combat boots.

Medusa's logo is like. An eyeball. Painbrush. This will change idk what i was thinking originally NDHSKFNFB. Kits logo is placed on the front of kits overalls pocket.

Maven's logo is a bunch of Zs like a sleeping person would be given in art (💤). It's placed on the largest pin on their beanie.

Memphis' logo is a pink, handheld mirror. It is one of the charms on her phone.

Mercs does not... have a logo design. & the logo is either on the back of Mercs' shirt or on one of Mercs' bracelets.

Relationship dynamics:

All my sides get along relatively ok & good. If the Sanders Sides wont love each other then MINE WILL!!!

The only sides that have a somewhat rough relationship is Mel & Madds. Mel, being compassion, wants 2 hear everything 1st in any sort of conflict & tends 2 have a more unbiased view on everything. He is still incredibly supportive & kind regardless of his personal opinion. He is like... Making soup 4 everyone and wanting to help as many people as possible.

Madds, on the other hand, being impulse & a lot of my ""negative"" violent feelings, refuses 2 hear ANYONE out. It will hold a grudge til the end of the earth even if it doesnt know the whole story. As soon as some sort of conflict happens it is choosing the Worse answer imaginable regardless if it even fits the situation ("did that guy just bump into you? We have to kill them" "im sure it was an accident—" "it absolutely Was Not").

OBVIOUSLY. THEY DON'T AGREE MOST OF THE TIME DNSHDKDN. Mel is like "lets talk this out. Communication is important!" & madds is like "Everyone here is wrong except for me. Lets kill them all now."

(They still will bend over backwards for each other if needed)

Maven's trait is fatigue bcuz i have CFS/ME*, though they also represent any sort of fatigue(??) Im. Unsure how to explain. Back in middle schopl before I developed CFS/ME, it was a lot of suicidal/depressive fatigue. It can also be executive dysfunction or autistic shutdowns/meltdowns. ETC whatever u get it.

They're the like. Apathy I feel? I do not experience empathy or sympathy (most of the time) & being aro, ace, and apl, and loveless I tend to not feel Normally. I am also autistic & have alexithymia. THIS IS HARD 2 EXPLAIN BCUZ I AM LOW ON SPOONS. ASK ME LATER OF UR STILL CONFUSED. I DONT KNOW.

WHATEVER. Because Maven is fatigue/apathy/etc they don't really care abt any1 around them. That's melvin's job! They're too busy sleeping in their wheelchair or on the floor. They aren't mean or anything, they're just apathetic & sleepy.

Memphis only cares abt himself but bcuz all the sides + me r Technically Also Him he kind of has 2 care 4 evry1 else. Though, if warranted, she would literally push us off a cliff to save herself (she would also push us off a cliff 4 no rzn).

Medusa likes to cling to Memphis like a baby koala bcuz I think I am TOO talented for my own good . Hence why creativity hangs around egotism.

Mercs likes to run to Madds or Maven bcuz my delusions, obviously, make me violent & afraid & i am actually pretty apathetic & chill in regards to my hallucinations. ALSO NOT MENTIONED IN THE STORIES, Mercs also hangs around Memphis since I have delusions abt being the most popular person on the planet & being better than everyone else & ETC.

*ALL my sides have CFS/ME. They ALL are autistic, have ADHD, schizophrenia, POTS, & all my other disabilities & neurodivergencies. It doesn't make sense to me (+ makes me a little uncomfortable) to have a single side represent my disabilities/NDs. My disabilities are not One Part Of Me, they are All Of Me.

In regards to Mercury/Paranoia, all my sides experience delusions & hallucinations, Mercs just experiences Most of it. Xe also represents more than just paranoia. In regards to Maven/Fatigue, all my sides are physically disabled and have CFS/ME & POTS, Maven just experiences the most of it & represents more than just fatigue.

[dojae-huh]

I don’t know if silver/white will suit Do (I think a lot will depend on the hairstyle and clothes), but I’m curious to find out. Doberry was great.

By huh nim🦋

Huh nim....its bunny here....🫶🫶....i was so busy lately.... Hope you are doing well....nd it seems u don't delaying to catching up with nct contents lately....you are up to date, so I guess your free Internet is back....nd look what i found from ur blog....haha.....this was your answer for one ask about doyoung's hair colour....idk the year but quite old ask.... Nd look at where are we right now.... Doyoung with his platinum silver blonde😌😌😌!!!..... Nd it suits him pretty welll.... But Seriously , who would have thought he would change his hair colour into this bright one after having a history of that black haired kpop idol in every music show....😄😄😄!!! everything happens it's own time is really true, I guess .... Anyway am enjoying your blog well.... Thank you for working hard to make this amazing blog.... You really did great....

( aah, I wanted to ask this btw,..... U deal with animals right, then tell me this.... In your experience which kind of animal is most suitable for kim doyoung..not with his look, but character....u knw dy has this amazing skill to lead the show even if he is not the host... Even if it's a group content it fall out like he is hosting the show.... Even if he is not the leader he tend to lead nd everyone likes to follow him...like that if there any animal theer u think this way, even if they come late but lead the others....just curious.....thank you in advance....☺☺...)

Hi, bunny.

No, I still don't have unlimited internet, unfortunately, so I have to restrain my content consumption, but the current situation is better than before.

A fan who attended one of the new fansigns said that Do is thinking of going back to black again... the traitor! He doesn't even need to touch up the roots, he can let the hair grow naturally and avoid the hussle of maintanence.

I was right about the colour. Both white and grey suit him. The magenta hair stay unbeatable though.

I can't prove it, but I have a suspicion Taeyong's absence made Doyoung be persuaded to bleach his hair to have the factor of surprise, additional interest. He dyes his hair only for comebacks and new projects (black&blue - Regular, brown - SS, sapphire blue - HoH and Superhuman, magenta - Coming home).

I thought you meant an animal as a pet to have at first.

I gave it a thought but couldn't come up with an answer. The real animals are quiet different from their public images.

[wizardpigeon]

In my experience as a trans person, with close family members who still actively interact with Harry potter N stuff

People who, Know, about it, which at this point is everyone with a reliable internet connection, and still choose to interact N that, may not be actively harming the trans community, they may be vocal allies

But they don't listen to trans people, Ill freely admit to enjoying hp fanfiction every now and then, it was an important book series for me, the philosophers stone was literally the first book I ever read, it was how I learned to read, but I'll never be able to shake the connection with her bigotry that's literally baked into the work, and when I've expressed my discomfort with the series, and how even talk of it made my skin crawl with a kind of slimy feel,

Two of my sister's continue to ignore me/overrule it, my initial stance in the close family was "hey let's fully denounce this please" and I've now been shouted down to just "please, please don't mention it anywhere I can hear bc it makes me super uncomfortable" and even then they'll ignore it,

One of them is trans adjacent, and the other one, well my relationship with her is bad in many ways but she respects me as her brother and her kids have never known me as anything other than their uncle even though the oldest is able to remember that I used to have boobs,

But they still won't do this, and that doesn't mean they hate trans people or are actively transphobic,

It's largely about the utter refusal to think critically about the media they're consuming, and how every mention of it is used to further jkrs antitrans rampage, they refuse to give up something because it would cause them a mild inconvenience to not thirst over generic OC with the face of Ben barns and the name sirus black (fully ignoring the fact that literally the only canonical instance of their hailed marauders is a scene where they sexually assault a gender nonconforming student)

And obviously that isn't all surviving hp fans but it's a lot of them,

So, maybe not active transphobia but

There are other books, other wonderful books, also full of magic, books with mysterious schools and what not

Diana whyne (?) Jones has an incredible world of magic and wonder across her books, she wrote howls moving castle and the stories that go with it (Conrad's fate is a personal favourite of mine)

Holly black, who co-wrote the spiderwick chronicles and wrote an amazing book that I love deeply called The Darkest Part Of The Forest

Phillip Womak and his Broken King trilogy or whatever it's called, he also wrote The Double Axe, which takes place in Crete for the story of Theseus and the labyrinth

Anthony Horowitz (??) Wrote a two part (or at least, I have two of them) series about a school called Gruesome Grange (I think it was him anyway), he had The Diamond Brother Detectives, and The Power Of Five series which is for older kids and I never finished bc I was 9 and it scared the shit out of me

I don't remember who wrote The Mysterious Benedict Society but it's an amazing series, don't care about that film I've seen clips of it looks like they made the kids American

The Dark Is Rising series by Susan cooper, magic, Celtic traditions, some time travel, old gods in the form of 11 year old boys born on midwinters day

The Green Knowe books, The Weather Witch, so so many other amazing books and series, TERRY PRATCHETT, that literally anyone could choose to read but no everyone clings to fuckin harry potter BC nostalgia and they're digging their heels in because they were asked to do one tiny thing by trans people and It's So Hard Can't You Understand? :(((((((?

It, it just pisses me off at the end of the day, idk how Jewish people and people of colour feel about it bc I'm neither but I know they're not happy with it either, but there's so many other books in the world

@axxolotlqueen (tagging u so u definitely see it BC I reblogged from 8ball)

What is your Hogwarts house?

jk rowling is an antisemite and transphobe who actively funds a trans exclusive domestic violence shelter in the uk.

here's a timeline of a good chunk of her public transphobia, going back about 9 years.

leave.

[madame-fear]

hi!! hope you're having a good day/night/etc :)) i just realized that you write for gotham *and* nolanverse jonathan crane,, you're doing god's work. anyways i digress!! if i may, i'd like to request nolanverse jonathan crane having feelings for fem reader, who doesn't know he's scarecrow. he stages an attack as scarecrow (mask on and everythin), only to realize reader is in the crowd he just attacked, and saves her. idk if he reveals his identity or not, that's up to u!! thanks :) u rock!!

A/N: Ahhhhh thank youuu!!!😭😭 Reading sweet messages like these and knowing you enjoy my work makes me so incredibly happy!! You all give me motivation to keep writing and publishing my works :') ♥️ Sorry this took literal AGES to publish! ;_;

I loved this plot! 💗 So here it goes!! 😍 Enjoy your reading, dearest anon 🥰 (p.s: as always, i don't really proofread my work 🥲 so if there's any spelling or grammar mistakes, apologies! Aaand also...sorry if i did it a bit more disturbing than you perhaps expected! But hope you enjoy it anywaysss!!)

Warnings?: Cursing & swearing,reader nearly gets killed by a lunatic, violence, murder, blood, and even more killing.

─────────────────────

Fear.

Fear was all that could only be heard tonight. The "normal" – or whatever normal was – day had been disrupted by one of your typical lunatics that always attacked Gotham; it was usual, though. Gotham, by one or another, was always corrupt, and it was never free from chaos and mayhem. Tonight, it wasn't any more different. The Scarecrow attacked once again. You knew, he was obsessed with the idea of fear and terror – and what he did to place his little seed of havoc in the dark city, was to constantly leak something that was known by the name of the "fear toxin".

He had been much more aggressive tonight than he usually was. Unlike the other times he attacked the city, tonight, he had presented himself to the whole world. Dark suit, with a brown, worn-out burlap bag. Through the burlap bag, you could even see a small fragment of his eyes, and they were an icy coloured blue. Oddly enough, you felt as if you somehow recognised those eyes. There was no easy way to explain it, but deep inside you, you felt familiar with the colour, and the way his eyes scanned the whole group of people. Unluckily, you were among the crowd he presented himself to, staring at the whole scene. He started by babbling about his 'marvellous' brand new toxin, with stronger effects than the last one, and that you were all his rat labs. Being exhausted after leaving your work shift, all you could do was tiredly sigh and think to yourself, 'Not this shit again.'

“Enough of me. Let's get started with our fear show, shall we?” 

Bringing back yourself to earth with the sound of his chilling voice, you had distracted yourself by trying to comprehend why you felt familiar to those pair of blue eyes – and even his voice, as well. In a sudden twist, his henchmen released the newly modified fear toxin to the public, the whole streets rapidly getting filled with intoxicating, greenish smoke. Quickly turning around to see back where Scarecrow was, he wasn't there anymore. He was long gone from the mayhem of screaming people. Noticing how quickly it was spreading, and how more and more people began screaming, running away, or even worse, killing others, you placed your jacket around your mouth and nose and began running as far away as you could to prevent the fear toxin getting to you. Unkowingly, the Scarecrow had been as sneaky as a cat, and had gotten inside an abandoned building, floors full of shattered glass with some spider webs casually hanging from the corners of the room. He was standing there, in front of a half-shattered big window that had a nice view to the city, watching the whole scene, and maliciously smiling to himself with satisfaction from how well his experiment had turned out to be.

His eyes guided themselves to your presence, running away from all the chaos. You were one of the nurses who worked in Arkham – it was weird for him the way he felt towards you. He had an exclusive soft spot for you, being the sweetest, and most understanding nurses he ever met. You were practically the only one whom he ever gave lots of attention to, you were the only one who was able to break his cold and calculating façade. He always felt a strong urge of protection when it came to you, as if you were fragile like glass. His eyes widened in realisation that you were among the crowd he had just attacked, and he couldn't just leave you to wander around there and see what would happen to you; he had to protect you from all of this! He hoped, it wasn't too late. Leaving his henchmen to take care of the remaining chaos, he ran away from the building, trying to catch up and follow your steps.

Meanwhile, you ran far away as the smoke behind you continously grew, nothing being able to stop it from going any further and taking the whole Gotham. It didn't matter where you ran to, you just wished to leave somewhere far away hoping to escape the poisonous fear gas. All the sudden adrenaline rush had made you feel tired, making your stop in a lightless, dark alley. Far away, all screams and commotion of people being afraid could be heard from the distance. You preferred not to stay there, but you had to catch your breath whether you liked it or not. Placing a hand on one of the harsh walls of a building, you slightly arched your body, and took deep breaths. Before you could leave, you could hear some footsteps right behind of you, causing you to turn around.

“You fucking bitch! I will finally get to you!”

Your senses being disturbed with the sudden yelling and swearing, everything felt dizzy around you, your vision slightly getting blurried from the dizziness. Furrowing your eyebrows in confusion, you opened your mouth to speak, but nothing came from it except words constantly stumbling upon each other. “You've been terrorising me for years, but not now, bitch. I hope you burn in Hell like the horrid creature you are.” Obviously to you, you noticed it must've been someone who inhaled the fear gas and was hallucinating with someone or something that's been haunting him for a while.

The fear-gassed person took out of his pocket a knife, as he slowly walked towards you. “Please, I don't have anything to do with anything! I don't even know who the hell you are!” You cried for merciness as you slowly walked backwards, finally stumbling upon some trash bins and throwing them to the floor – provoking a loud, metallic sound that echoed through the dark alley. Fear began getting the best of you, your body was unstoppably trembling, and tears began running down your cheek as you noticed how you were trapped between the random lunatic trying to kill you, and the dirty and now spilled trash bins. As the hallucinating man began lifting his pocket knife to violently stab you, your first self-defense instinct was to put yourself in a fetal position, and your arms, as shaky as they were, covering your face. Time passed, and felt like an eternity. The only thing you could do now, was harshly sob and cry with fear as desperation grew inside of you, getting ready to face yourself with a violent death.

With your eyes tightly shut, you could sense some movements, other than the lunatic that wanted to kill you. As well, you could hear some light footsteps.

“And who the hell are you–” The man spoke. His sentence was interrupted by his own loud screaming – which it was even more morbidly disturbing than the previous situation. What accompanied his screams of fear, was a gassing sound, which provoked you now practically hug yourself with your arms in protection. Then, you could hear as if this other unknown person had taken a knife, and slit the lunatic's throat, causing the screaming to stop, and the following sound was a choking-like type of sound and the one of dripping blood. This person who was previously trying to kill you fell to the floor right in front of you, and the blood who dripped from his throat and body began staining the floor, even, staining your legs and a part of your clothing. The morbid situation caused you to even cry more with fear and confusion, it made you feel numb, in a way.

“I'm not going to hurt you, (Y/N).” The man who saved you spoke. Your tearing slightly stopped as this familiar voice had just mentioned your name. You slowly began removing your arms in front of your face, your soaked eyes lowly opening. As you opened your eyes, you were presented with a tall figure who wore a dark suit, and a Scarecrow mask. Your saviour was The Scarecrow himself, the one who provoked Gotham to be immersed in fear! But, how did he know about you, and your name? And why did he save you? So many questions soon began filling your mind. Noticing you couldn't speak – and you were practically a crying mess – he very slowly began removing the Scarecrow mask, only to reveal Dr Jonathan Crane, one of your colleagues at Arkham Asylum. The pieces finally clicked together, you understood why the way he spoke, his eyes, the way he stared at his victims...you did know who he was, after all. You were the closest of friends in the group of Arkham workers, he seemed like a cold person all the time, but when you got to meet him, and he liked you, he was rather nice and a very interesting man. Which, of course, it lead to you having an unwanted and guilty crush on him. Unbeknownst to you, he had a crush on you as well.

Staring with disbelief deep into his icy blue eyes – who were fit with his now messy dark hair – you spoke, “So, you are The Scarecrow.” Your voice was low, and the tears previously running through your face had dried up. He nodded, ironically, afraid that you might reject him or even worse, let the GCPD know about this and get him kicked right into Arkham. Oddly enough, you didn't cry, or scream, or ran away from him, but rather – threw yourself to him and embraced him into a tight, and warm hug. “Thank you, then, Scarecrow. I was so afraid of meeting Death tonight.” You quietly and lovingly whispered. He was THE Scarecrow, but did it matter to you? Not anymore. He became your saviour, fear gassing right into your almost-killer eyes and violently murdering him just to keep you safe and protected. Jonathan's eyes widened in surprise, but he returned back the embrace, earning a light blush from him. “You're cold.” He answered back, gently pulling apart from the hug and staring right into your face with admiration as he tucked some strands of your hair behind your ear, which were covering your crying face.

“Please, if I may, allow me to take you home. You've had enough stress for today.” He wiped with his thumb a last tear falling down your face, as you weakly nodded. All the stress and adrenaline were taking it's toll on your mind and body, and all you needed was to forget about the moment and go to sleep. He took of the jacket of his suit, and carefully placed it around your shoulders, covering your trembling and cold body. He lifted himself from the floor, and offered you his hand so you could also get up. You took it, and he immediatly dragged you to his side as he rubbed your arm up and down, in hopes of bringing your body some more warmth.

“I didn't want you to get through this, I'm sorry, my dear. If I had known you were in the crowd, I wouldn't have done it.” Jonathan quietly admitted, as he took the both of you out of the dark alley, and walked you towards your home – already knowing the address since he had been there a few times.

“You shouldn't apologise, it's alright.” You said, not looking at him in the eyes out of nervousness of being this close with him. After a few moments of awkward silence, you spoke once again. “You know, even if I was a bit afraid when you showed up amongst the crowd before spilling the fear toxin all over Gotham, I quite enjoyed your speech.” You awkwardly said, as the shyness naturally bought some warmth over your cold body. “It made me realise, I might be into bad boys, even if the bad boy I like is The Scarecrow himself.”

And with that being said, you earned a smile from Jonathan, and he lovingly placed a kiss on top of your head as he kept walking you towards your home. You were usually very awkwardly shy around him, but, you had to admit it – he looked pretty hot as a fearsome villain, provoking terror in every single Gothamite. It was definitely something you could get used to, now that you were proving Jonathan what you really thought about him.

[ffeynn]

Hihi! If possible, can I ask for some fluffy headcanons for Kazuha and Albedo with a very shy but sweet/angelic fem! s/o who has a tendency to downplay her amazing artistic abilities please? Thank u and please take care of yourself!!

「 shy, sweet!s/o who’s too humble with her abilities: kazuha and albedo 」

a/n: :(((( anonnnn sorry for taking so long to post, actually I've already finished this a long time ago but I didn't post it :((( idk where im going with this and take care of yourself too!

pairing: kaedahara kazuha, albedo x reader (seperates)

↬ when kazuha first saw your art, he was surprised by how much you underestimate it. he genuinely thought your art is a piece sent from the celestia, that and there’s a slight bias on the opinion. although you never seemed to favor showing your arts to the public.

☆ “dearest, must I say how beautiful your art is? because I think you’re having a different opinion than me.” he saw the way your ears reddened after hearing his compliment. you put your sketchbook over your face, only letting the eyes show, “you’re too nice kazuha, my art is nothing beautiful.” so you said.

he almost sighed when you downplayed your ability yet again, well as your lover, kazuha is more than pleased to assist you in gaining more confidence. he wouldn’t want to see his favorite artist feels bad about her own art as kazuha loves it.

↬ the poet loves to admire your art, he loves to watch you drawing, he loves to see you get shy when you noticed he was staring at you as you quickly hide your drawing. so by no means does he love watching you be proud of your own art with a bright smile on your face despite it rarely happening.

☆ you peeked from your sketchbook to see kazuha staring back at you, your eyes scurried from him to your sketch of him and back to him. “ah! it’s.. you look beautiful there so I thought.. I want to draw it, sorry.”

the light haired warrior stayed still at his spot and with a voice that seemed softer than ever to your ears, he said, “it’s alright, I rather would like to see how my love perceives me, you wouldn’t mind that right?” his words received your usual bright smile as a response. to smile that bright just because of his selfish request, you were too sweet for this world.

↬ kazuha appreciates that you’re letting him go through your sketchbook but how should he explain the way his heart beat flutters with each drawing of him. you who’s in front of him looks like she wants to cry from embarrassment the time you realized that there were many drawings of your lover in said book.

☆ “ah.. so this is how you see me.. I’m honoured.” kazuha let a smile up his face. did you cast magic in this drawing? if not then why can he feel your love from your drawing?

you were sitting beside him, enduring the embarrassment you feel every time he compliments your art. yet you can sense he was genuine about it and you are happy with it. “no, that’s just a drawing.. the way I see you is much more blinding than words or pencils can describe, because I love you.” after saying that, you immediately put your forehead on kazuha’s shoulder. looking at the pretty ground while your boyfriend chuckles.

↬ in knowing that you’ve such artistic abilities, albedo was proud of you. but that wasn’t the case for you. he wonders why you tend to downplay your art when in fact it’s one of the best in mondstadt. maybe in teyvat as a whole but the man has no way to know that with his piled up works. you’re his lover who he so much adores, akin to an angel some had said.

☆ albedo glanced at your drawing figure before shortly continuing his experiment with a smile barely visible on his face. you probably had noticed his mood shifting, that’s the reason you asked him if something good happened. “I was just looking at you.” the male said as he noted something in his experiment. whether you figure out what he was implying behind his words are up to you.

and judging from your gradually reddening face, you figured it out.

↬ sometimes when albedo has free times, you two will take a walk around mondstadt and if spotted a pretty scenery, you’ll stop by to rest there. maybe whip out a sketchbook and leave trails of the view on a paper with a pencil. view of the nature, of the creatures around it and also view of your lover.

☆ you tugged on albedo’s shirt, pointing at the tree nearby. it’s pretty big and able to act as a shade from the sun’s light. there were also flowers growing scattered. a nice place to rest and sketch without any disturb. albedo doesn’t seem to have any reason to deny which led them under said tree.

arriving there and going through your bag, you just realized you forgot to bring your sketching tools. a shame really. the alchemist decided that his next art should be you considering how long it has been since you both had the chance to leisure around like this. you who have nothing to do instead of playing with your boyfriend’s hair, excitedly did up a natural pose. albedo’s drawing is your favorite in the whole universe and every time you see yourself on someーmore than half actuallyーcanvas of his, you’ll always be immensely touched by that.

↬ you don’t really favor showing your art to others which explained why you usually draw somewhere closed off or where people rarely visit. or maybe you just draw in your room. albedo frequently catches you in an action of observing your current process. a coloured canvas in front of you, one hand holding the palette and one hand the brush.

☆ the alchemist also frequently catches you in an action of sleeping with your favorite pencil in hand and your sketch beside your sleeping face. possibility that you were waiting for him to come home until you fell asleep. albedo feels guilty for having you wait for him that long but he also wants to be selfish and relish the fact that you waited for him.

he slipped his arms under your back and knees, carefully lifting you up from the uncomfortable position you were in. once he put you on the bed, albedo took his time cleaning up the desk. the male turned to look at the drawing you were making just now. ah, this was during your second date, he recognized. did you draw this based on pure memory or what? nevertheless the answer, albedo will still find himself become amused of your arts. let it be then you tend to downplay your ability, he’ll just do his part to let you gain more confidence in your ability. his sweet lover deserved to do so.

[princess-of-inarizaki]

Hi! Can I pls request Inarizaki shiratorizawa and fukurodani having a female chaotic/crackhead manager that has heterochromia where her eyes really pretty and she has two eye colors, one blue one green and how they would simp and react on it

Oh myyy this is an adorable request!! Some of my favourite characters have Heterochromia, this is just perfect hahaha (this stayed in my drafts for soooo long)

Heterochromia; a condition in which a person has two different coloured eyes.

Examples of characters with heterochromia (aaahh I just wanted to attach a few pictures of my favourite babies)

Aaah alright let's get started then.

With a manager who has heterochromia.

Characters: Fukurodani, Shiratorizawa

Warnings: none.

Fukurodani

Our little owl babies CANNOT stop staring at your eyes. They think it's the prettiest things they've ever seen, and the moment they look at you, they low-key just cannot look away.

Bokuto calls your eyes "pretty gems" and staring at them effectively pulls him out of an emo mood.

He just holds your shoulders on both sides, leans down to look at you, and stares. And suddenly he's all happy again :D

Akaashi is ready to marry you like ten times a day. When you look at him while you're talking, he's barely listening because he's just drinking in your pretty appearance and gentle features.

Y/n: Akaashi-kun, the coach has asked us to practice hard, because we might be having a practice match later—

Akaashi, internally: pretty 🤩🤩

I also think he writes random small poems about you, which started at first, with how intrigued he was by your pretty bi-coloured eyes.

But now these poems are just plainly about you, not just your eyes, he's whipped for you through and through.

Konoha really like bragging to the other teams they practice with, and sometimes even bets with them. He's cute like that ;-;

Konoha: bet you guys don't have a manager with two different coloured eyes.

Other team dude: stop kidding dude. 50 bucks if you do.

Konoha whilst, smirking at you: you'll never fucking believe this ;)

But in general, they just really think you're gorgeous, especially when you smile.

Shiratorizawa

Ooh the owl babies 🥺🥺 they'd be a bit more chill and low-key than Fukurodani, but don't be fooled, they're still so mesmerized by your pretty eyes.

Toshi really just wants to know as much about heterochromia as he can. Loves hearing you talk about genetics, and all those sciency stuff :3

I truly do think Tendō would be a PRECIOUS photographer, because he knows all the best shots to make your eyes sparkle and posts them on his Instagram feed.

Tendō: manager-chan!! smile for me !!

You: :D

And he comes up with the corniest captions too. Like “my little Todoroki” (because Tendō is definitely an otaku u can FIGHT ME ON THIS BRO)

Semi, much like Akaashi, writes songs about you, and a lot of the lyrics are focused on your eyes.

He's often just pulling your chin up so you're facing him and he just stares owo. like how can one person be so damn beautiful??

Definitely helps you experiment with eye-makeup!!

Goshiki, aaa our flustered little smol bean. He's usually soft when it comes to you, but since he's pretty clumsy and forgetful, he's learned to beware of your gaze.

Knows how to read it perfectly. Tiny squint? you're mad. Eyebrows raised? amused. Eyes hooded? upset and probably hiding something. Eyes twitching?? RUN.

Goshiki: uh— y/n-senpai, are you okay?

You, eyes twitching: what the fuck did you say? :D

Shirabu would probably be the most unbothered out of the bunch, and would most probably tease you about it.

Has a bunch of cute nicknames, like "halfie" or "miss matched" because he's cute like that 🙄

He's trying his best to flirt, leave him alone 😭

In general, the boys have their special quirks with you and it gets better because of the pretty genetic quirk you have!!

From the professor: AHHH I know I've been so so inactive these past month (year??) idk bro xD but I seriously thank u for sticking around <3 I'm hopefully planning an event for when I reach a milestone, so please look forward xx

Also: Atsumu anon come home I miss you 🥺🥺 or if anyone would wanna be my Tooru anon that'd be rly cute too uwu

Taglist: @k-sakusa-old @dai-tsukki-desu @tilli-san (I kinda lost most of my taglist so please tell me if you want to be included!!)